#I want to practice stuff to make myself more worthy

[moons-of-dewclan]

I was curious how to get your clan really set off? I recently (LIKE EARLIER TODAY JFJSJFJ) started my own clangen blog but idk if it's worthy of Tumblr😭

How can I improve my art and improve my process? You're one of my BIGGEST inspirations ngl you're literally him (or her or they I'm so sorry I never caught your pronouns) but I was just curious on how to be better? If you wanna look, don't. It's like, rlly bad so.... save your eyes. Have a lovely nighttt <33

HELLOOOOO I'M NOT 100% SURE WHAT YOU MEAN BY SET OFF I'M SORRY :{ if you mean to get people reading it, i think it's vastly just luck also appealing to an audience by accident i posted my art online for 10 years (i started posting in 2010 as a wee ka- told you i'm an adult haahahueu) before anyone showed consistent interest and i valued those two or so commenters who occasionally had something to say about my stuff, so much LAKSNLKD. that entire decade i got between 2 and 30 favourites for every piece i posted- usually between 2 and 10- until around 2021 when a making a comic aANNND joining a wolf ARPG group exposed me to many kindred art-enjoyers that wanted to keep up with my goofy stories then for some reason, i posted Dewclan's first page on tumblr and it got way more engagement than any other piece of art i've ever posted SO LAKSDNLKDAS WE CANNOT PREDICT THESE THINGS.. at least i can't if you're looking for engagement, pLS AIM FOR ENGAGEMENT THAT FEELS MEANINGFUL over anything else IN MY OPINION, and it's just my opinion- part of being 'better' is, first and foremost, being able to enjoy your art alone. and then being excited with what you choose to share! even if you don't care about your quality of art, care about the story. if you don't care about the story, care about the process and just having fun. but you have to have fun in doing it, and do it for your own eyes primarily. like if you were alone in a room and creating only for yourself! because, until you happen to find others who like what you're liking, you are then when someone is interested and you get to share that excitement, even that ooone comment on something you care about is OOGHHH SUCH A NICE FEELIN. enter communities, comment on other artists' work, try to make friends! but make sure to remember, if you create with the hopes others will like it, without liking it yourself, you're going to be really broken down if someone doesn't like it FOR you :{ loving your own art is tough work but it's integral to your longterm relationship with drawing ON IMPROVING.. for me, nothing is more integral to improving than finding a way to practice that suits you (looking at live figures doesn't help me at all. i don't know why. it's insane), and having fun doing it. i can't grasp anatomy unless i break it down with shapes. SHAPES ARE EVERYTHING. study the shapes of what you want to draw. break em down by tracing simple shapes over your subject. see if the leg is the same length as the head from muzzle to neck and lock that info in. STUFF LIKE THAT on the technical side of things, it can be super helpful to dedicate half an hour or so to drawing a day- eventually it becomes a habit and you just default to 'oh i think i wanna draw' when you've got nothing else to do. more drawing, more improvement!

HONESTLY THO another important thing is not putting yourself down. i know it's a hard habit to break (i struggle with it outside of art myself!), but it doesn't do you any favours. the more you rag on yourself, the more it'll manifest as something that actually damages your art, AND your relationship with it. let it be fun- don't sabotage yourself! you can be critical of your work and still kind! little tip here, improving can take a while, but experimenting with styles can make an INSTANT shift in how you perceive your stuff. ALSOOO EXPERIMENT WITH DIFFERENT BRUSHES FOR SKETCHING AND LINING. I PROOMISE. PLS DO IT. IT'S LIKE A MAGIC TRICK. i cannNNNOT sketch with a hard brush. everything looks horrible. marker brush tho?? so smooth. full of character. lovely. binary brush sketches? suddenly i'm Anime. pencil brush?? i digidevolve back into baby ka who loved to crosshatch and do semi realism. airbrush??? i explode into atoms actually

i find for a lot of people, they don't need to improve or be 'better' at art, they need to learn to enjoy what they're capable of doing now, and improvement is a byproduct. from what i've seen through the years, unless you work to curb it the negative view of your art will stick with you no matter what 'skill level' you get to bc the calls' comin from inside the house, yknow what i mean 3: it can be a long process to learn to accept your art, and sometimes you just plain grow out of it over time! but in the meantime it can't hurt to make efforts to fight your d e m o n s

I'M SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH IK YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS ALL IT ISN'T JUST TO YOU, ODESSY-CLAN BLOG RUNNER, IT'S AIMED AT ANYONE WITH ARTSY SELF DOUBTS. i hope i phrased everything kindly bc i meant it all kindly 3: i hate to see an artist doubt their work, but THERE IS NO SHAME IN IT. i want to encourage loving it regardless of any flaws tho, even though it takes time!

#kasks

[grace-kami]

Good morning, friends. How is everybody doing on this fine day?

I noticed I have hit somewhat of a wall with my art. I'm having a moment where everything I'm trying to make is not working the way I want. It's a little frustrating. I'm trying my best to keep posting more art regularly but I think a burn out is quickly approaching. I also have some stuff going on at home, nothing bad, my mom moved back to my state so we've been catching up with her for a while. I'm also a mother and a wife so I have to organize my time a little better. Finding my own personal time to chill and draw is limited as it is, and I don't want to stress myself out trying to get more art posted.

I'll still be posting my art! I'm not retiring, absolutely not. I'm still fully committed to the Lies of P community! I'm still shocked I gained as many supporters as I have, I don't deserve you guys. I'm just not going to be posting as often as I really dont want to fall into a full blown artistic burn out. I'm still doing my daily 30 minute to hour drawing practice to keep up my skill but most of my practice is not post worthy.

And I'm ALWAYS on my phone so if anyone wants to drop in my DMs and say hi, maybe talk about the game or ask about my art or show me your art, maybe even drop in my ask box, I'm always around. I'm a friendly lady, I promise.

Thank you guys so much for everything!

Much much love, my cute patoots!🫂❤️

#lies of p #lies of p community

[roo-bastmoon]

Incredibly lucky to even be here

I just realized, exactly one year ago today (May 11th) I was diagnosed with endometrial stromal sarcoma and given less than a 34% chance of survival. I'm incredibly, miraculously lucky to be well and cancer-free today. I owe that to my amazing doctors, and also in a small way to BTS.

The moment I got told I had cancer, I immediately decided to only entertain thoughts of complete health and victory. It was a pure and immediate defense mechanism and I stuck to it. So no sad songs or movies or TV shows. No online drama. No negative nellies or naysayers. No stressful projects at work. No arguments, no entanglements, no regrets.

For months, I would focus only on laughter and quality time with loved ones and things that brought me joy, even as I had to deal with practical stuff like creating a will and a pet trust and filling out life insurance forms and undergoing test and surgeries.

BTS (and Jimin, as my "recruiter") gave me moments of grace and beauty and art and warmth and giggles--and kind ARMYs gave me a sense of belonging and community, especially during a dark and terrifying time, when in the quiet of the early morning hours, the sense that my own body was my worst enemy would eat at all my mental defenses. I could switch on my phone, go to the timeline, and ARMY and BTS would be there.

If I seem to be very Pollyanna-ish or boringly polite these days, it's because I decided one year ago to focus on what I want instead of giving energy to what I don't. I know bad things are very real and they need to be confronted--of course! But I also know that depression, anger, and fear can erode the myelin sheath wrapped around our nerve endings and weaken the walls in the chambers of our hearts; that toxic emotions can bleach our hair of color and rob our nails and skin of suppleness; that negativity can lengthen our immuno-response times to bruises and cuts.

So if other folks get a thrill, a hit of adrenaline, from drama and trash talking in our fandom, more power to them, I guess. It must serve them in some way I don't understand. Me? I find meanness and pettiness draining and damaging. So I'll never do that. I'll never rudely call someone out in public or go on their blog to rant or snipe openly about members or fellow ARMY. I will just keep myself to myself and do my best to be authentic and kind and hard working.

Doesn't always work. I'm human. I will absolutely make mistakes (case in point--the campaign idea yesterday that could have really harmed Jimin. I didn't think about all the consequences and I'm so grateful to the people who patiently set me straight.) Please know that if you ever feel strongly I'm going in the wrong direction, you can always speak to me--I'll ask a million questions, I'll hear you out, and I'll try to be flexible in my mindset. You don't have to hide behind throw-away accounts or talk to others about me. I will do my best to always be kind and act in good faith with everyone. (But I'll likely still make some mistakes, because my intentions are good but I myself am not perfect.)

By and large, I feel I'm just really astronomically lucky to be here. I know the kind of cancer I had is very sneaky and could come back at any time. So how I spend my time left in this life matters to me. I want to be a source of good in the world, help other people, experience bliss and celebrate good things. I don't want to be selfish or destructive. If I start to go that way, I know good friends will gently call me back.

Like BTS, I want to connect with people and help build something worthy. So if you're on board with that, let's be friends. And if you're not, let's part amicably.

I just... figured I should probably say that... out loud. So that's that on that.

Love you guys,

Roo

[manifestingkai]

Discipline in Manifesting as a neurodivergent (ND) person

A common element of manifesting discourse (at least on twitter, as I’m still new to tumblr’s law of assumption community) is that a lot of manifestation comes down to discipline rather than motivation. It’s much easier for us to persist when we are in a good, healthy, headspace rather than when we are unwell. That’s where discipline comes in, but discipline can feel like Mount Everest when you’re also managing mental health stuff. To some that may sound like an excuse, but I promise that myself and anyone else who is ND will tell you that is not the case. It’s the reality. Your idea of discipline and mine are different. To someone who is neurotypical, it’s as simple as forcing yourself to do it even when you don’t want to. For others, it can be dealing with a multitude of constrictions/limitations/challenges that are invisible that you cannot see. That doesn’t make our persistence any less valid. We exist here too.

I can only speak from my own experiences and what helps me may be different for you, but I will share the tips I’ve learned through my journey with LOA as a neurodivergent person:

I believe in giving myself as much grace and patience as I can when manifesting and the act of being gentle has changed the trajectory of my journey with loa and my life tenfold.

For me, discipline is allowing myself to have bad days and either observing or feeling those feelings/thoughts while reminding myself they will pass. Not fighting every single bad thought (because for me that just created more). Self soothing has been a huge tool for me.

Reminding myself that I am doing everything right because I am, we all are. We assign meanings to everything. How we feel in moments has no bearing on how we’re doing at manifesting or practicing the law imo. You’re human and you are valid.

It’s also allowing the breaks and the space to breathe and fall apart. Because at the end of that you get back up and do your best anyways. Do you know how brave that is? Do you know how incredibly courageous it is to have faith and trust in what we can’t see? It’s incredible.

Discipline to me is continuing to persist after a spiral or a breakdown or a bad episode. It’s believe we’re deserving and worthy of what we desire and continuing to fight for ourselves. It’s having a bad week and affirming through tears and questioning but continuing anyways.

I say all this to say that our journeys are different and to not let anyone else’s experience taint how far you’ve come or how much you’ve grown. You’re doing everything right. You’re going to have it all. Your mental health is valid, your experience is valid.

Source: my thread on twitter

#kai rambles #lawofassumption #law of assumption #neurodivergent #neurodivergent manifesting #persisting #affirmation #affirm and persist

[starvedvampire]

a little introduction before you proceed

hi everyone, my name is Sabre🩸i’m 24, i only use he/him pronouns, although i don’t identify as 100% male. i’m transmasc, in any case. a bisexual switch*, i welcome all queer people to this space (especially fellow transmascs hi there).

*sub-leaning, usually i only feel comfortable domming people i’ve developed an emotional connection with, but we can try

please keep in mind that i’m currently in a happy relationship with my partner, who is not only the object of all my love and adoration, but also my proud owner and my lovely pet🌻 my mind, body and soul are her property🖤

we’re both polyamorous tho, so if you want to sext/flirt with me that’s cool, just as long you know i’ll communicate it to her

please remember that this blog is for me and me alone. if you enjoy the things i post or rb, that’s great, i’m glad to know there are others who share my insanity, but keep in mind i don’t owe anyone here anything and i will block whoever makes me uncomfortable or disrespects me.

I firmly believe the best experiences related to intimacy are the ones that include enthusiastic and clear consent. even if some of the scenarios in this blog don’t explicitly show it, never forget that all sexual interactions fundamentally require consent from all parties involved, as it’s crucial to have it before you engage in kinks (also while you’re engaging bc it’s important to check up on your partner).

Kinks, asks, terms, DNI below the cut…

🩸fuck yES: monsterfucking, aliens, demons, tentacles, slime, belly inflation, oviposition, hucow/lactation/breast expansion, biting and blood as in vampirism, dumbification, breeding (pregnancy but only in theory, never in practice), praise and degradation, corruption, drooling, use of aphrodisiacs, body worship, restraints, humiliation. pet play bc my partner got me into it 🌻 hypno and voyeurism are both tumblr’s fault

🩸 maybe/sometimes: priest kink, cnc, exhibitionism, dacryphilia, hierophilia, light intox (alcohol)

🩸 dislike/don’t include me: birth (mentions are fine but no graphic descriptions), guns, belly bursting, gore, feet, anything unsanitary

🩸 hard no: detransition kink, misgendering, incest, dd/lg, age play, bestiality, r4pe play

Regarding asks and dms:

🩸 to be honest when it comes to messages i’m not consistent at all but you can try your luck if you want. just please ease into it before jumping into graphic stuff, say hi and your pronouns and stuff.

also please don’t text me in a sexual way if you’re under 21, over 35 or identify as a straight man.

🩸as for asks, please send more and give me an excuse to touch myself (just keep my pinned info in mind)

Terms you can use when referring to me:

Please only use these, i will only accept others if i’ve previously agreed:

🩸pet and filth names: darling, slut, cumslut, cockslut, pet, love, whore, beloved, sweetheart. call me good boy/pretty boy and i will literally melt🖤

🩸body parts: regarding to the ones that may cause me dysphoria, please only use cunt, hole, tdick, dick, cock, strap, clit, chest and tits. terms for other body parts are all fine.

DO NOT INTERACT / WILL BLOCK YOU IF:

❌ you’re a minor (under 18) or your age isn’t visible in your bio/pinned.

❌ if you send me pictures of genitals with no context/unprompted, i will block you

❌ you fetishize trans people/trans experiences. remember i’m a person and i am worthy of respect just like everybody else

❌ you’re a terf, swerf, transmed, pro-life, ableist, racist, misogynist, homophobic, islamophobic, antisemite. bigots in general please don’t come near here

❌ thinspo blogs stay the fuck away

❌ p*dos i will fucking report you, don’t try me🔪

Tags i’ll be using:

🩸#sabre posts: for random thoughts and whatever

🩸#thirsty sabre: this is my horny license which i can whip out at a moment’s notice

🩸#sabre types: for answering all your horny asks

Anon tags: #💜 #💫

the #🌻 is reserved for my beloved bunny

*i’ll try to tag my kinks as they appear in my posts but i get distracted easily so no promises.

i reserve the right to change/update/alter this at any given time

🖤🩸that’s all, remember to take care of yourselves while misbehaving🩸🖤

#trans nsft #t4t nsft #mlm nsft #transmasc nsft #queer nsft #lgbt nsft #nsft queer #nonbinary nsft #sabre posts #thirsty sabre #sabre types

[pyrrhiccomedy]

Hi! I wonder if you could rec some books that are helpful for writing - I love everything you write and your language style. I'm kind of a writer myself and recently I got stuck in this phase where I just couldn't improve my writing... or don't know how to. I tried to read more, but most of them faded away in my brain after a day or two. I'm also curious, in terms of writing techniques, how do you usually write

[2]? Do you always go back and re-edit it? How do you deal with the writer’s block? Do you take notes while reading to learn from them, such as dialogues or stuff? I hope this is ok to ask - and good luck with any ongoing projects you have right now!

I'm not sure what you mean by books that are 'helpful for writing' - if you mean books about writing, I don't think I've read one since I was like, 14. If you mean books that will inspire you to write...I think inspiration is so personal. I think you should read widely, and read at or above your reading level as much as possible. Chuck Palahnuik, Kurt Vonnegut, and Shirley Jackson are probably the writers who influenced my prose style the most.

The best way to improve as a writer is to find a good editor. I mean somebody who will read your work open-mindedly and with love, but who will also take a big red pen and cross out 70% of it and explain to you, kindly but firmly, why what you wrote is garbage. I have been lucky enough to have a few editors in my life (starting with my dad, when I was like, 12) whose opinions on prose and storytelling I respected, and who were cheerfully merciless in applying them to me. I will always be grateful that they gave me enough credit as an aspiring artist who hoped to improve that they were willing to blowtorch my darlings before my eyes. It's a bracing but invaluable experience.

My process is always the same, no matter what I'm writing. I slam through a first draft as fast as possible. The first draft is shit. That's the point of the first draft. I usually don't even know what my story is about until I finish the first draft, I'm just trying to hunt down good character moments, good scenes, good lines, and a framework for a story that I can rake out of the muck later. Nobody sees the first draft but me.

Then I walk away from it and I don't look at it for a while. If it's a short story, that might be for just a day; if it's something longer, I might walk away for a week or more. Then I come back and re-read it, in a relaxed but critical mood. It's not longer "my writing" at this point: it's just a piece of writing, and I'm going to read it to find out if it's any good.

It isn't. That's fine. I take my big red pen, and I start planning out how I'd fix it, the same way I'd approach editing a stranger's work.

The second draft might bear only a passing resemblance to the first draft, but now I have a plan, and I know where I'm actually going with the material. The second draft takes much longer to write. It's a more thoughtful process. I re-read the first draft often, to keep in touch with what it was about this story in its raw form that made me want to tell it.

Then I submit the second draft to one of those priceless, merciless editors in my life. My wife is my go-to these days. She takes a turn pulling the piece apart and figuring out how she would fix it.

When I'm done re-tooling it based on that feedback, I'm usually happy with what I've got.

I don't know if I believe in writer's block. I think you either want to write or you don't. You can psyche yourself out of doing anything; writing isn't special. You can make anything stressful or unfun or a referendum on your worthiness as a person if you're anxious enough about it.

I think that if you're not getting better at something, you're either not practicing enough, not challenging yourself, not seeking honest feedback, or not applying the feedback you've received.

Writers are frequently annoying people, who think their ~craft~ has special rules that don't apply to any other human endeavor. It's just a skill, like any other skill. Take the same discipline and humility to writing as you would to learning a language, or learning to run a mile, or learning how to build a cabinet. You'll get better.

[polteergeistt]

I think that our brain and emotions being electricity and chemicals is fascinating.

This is me turning into a mad ignorant scientist who makes conclusions about what he can see in his rather narrow vision. Just a little lad discovering his brain like a newborn in the great world.

Like... Chemicals. You can manipulate that stuff, create reactions. It doesn't work like any chemicals. You don't just heat it or pour it with other things in an erlenmeyer. You speak. You use your words. Your gestures. Your touch. Your looks. You use a behaviour. You use art. It's not magic, it's science.

There are billions of ways to instill an emotion. Now, the word "manipulate" always scares, but it doesn't have to be in a bad way. It can be "trick", "push", "encourage", "help". To me, in this context, manipulating means triggering an emotion, making it happen.

You can manipulate yourself with music. You listen to sad music when you want to feel sad. You listen to angry music to feel angry. You listen to love songs when you yearn. In this case, music can be a catalyst.

The positivity posts. These help you feel better about xyz with affirmations. See body positivity.

The posts about what's going on in the world. These can push you to feel a certain way about things by telling how the event is/isn't okay. They can push you to feel angry, sad, scandalized, in hope to make you help the situation or protest against it. See the posts about Gaza.

Sometimes, manipulating your emotions is pushing yourself to sit in sunlight when you feel down, taking a deep breath to calm down, practicing your hobby to feel happy, watching horror movies to feel scared, going to a roller coasters park for adrenaline. It can be done for good.

It's the good manipulation that interests me. We've all had this case when a friend says that they are not worthy of good things, that they deserve worse things, that they believe they are ugly inside and/or outside all that jazz. Perhaps this is your case as well. I know it's mine. What if there is a way to change this ? To do the inverse ?

It's basically "fake it till you make it". Being reminded of something multiple times pushes you to believe it. It's about consistency. In a way, that is how my dysphoria and dismorphia became more and more bearable. If I keep this going, it will not bother me anymore. Maybe it can help for ptsd ? That would be wonderful.

I feel like this is a bit too drafty but I know I'm onto something. My brain is weird and I'm trying to deal with it and sometimes I have to connect the dots by myself, but please speak up if you have something to say about this.

#polteergeistt rambles #psychology #emotions #i don't really know how to tag this #i'm just throwing words into the void at this point

[dino-mp3]

blog intro :)

3-23-24

Hello I’m Dino! I wanted to make an introduction post for my tumblr since I decided I wanted to start posting to motivate myself and others! I thought it would be nice to list my personal goals, interests, etc. :)

also pls ignore any grammar issues I don’t feel like putting this through Grammarly :,)

Goals

Work towards a 4.5 gpa: I have currently maintained a 4.2 gpa for this school year I wish it was 4.5, but I have 2 b’s :( So I’m going to work towards a 4.5 for this last quarter and senior year!

Become a better speaker: My ultimate career is to be a lawyer! With that comes working to be a better speaker. I get quite nervous when it comes to taking to a large group of people and start to talk fast. On top of this at my mock trial meet I messed up my direct horribly because of how nervous I was to talk in front of the judge and jury :,)

Get best lawyer during Mock Trial Comp: I won best attorney this year, but I don’t think I deserved it…I want to be more confident in my win this time around!

4 or 5 on AP Exams: I want to get a 4 or 5 on both my AP Lang and APUSH Exams in May! I need to study and practice hard though, but I’m willing to put the hard work in ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

Practice flute more often: I play the flute for my schools band and while I have only been playing for 7 months now I have to keep up with people who have been playing for 5+ years :,) With that I want to practice more to keep up and for my personal interest of just becoming more skilled with the flute!

Turing in homework on time: I have made a bad habit of turning my homework in late which is so bad oml I need to get out of it

Exercise: I want to start working out regularly to lose some weight :) While I’m at a healthy weight I just want to lose a few pounds for aesthetic purposes, but in a healthy manner!

Love myself more: I forget to remind myself that I have gotten so far and I have evolved over the years. I want to make sure that I know that I’m worthy of love even when I’m at my lowest.

Interests

Music: I’m a big fan of all genres (even some country songs too) but I’m a big listener of k-pop! But here is a list of my favorite groups + musicians: Red Velvet, Melanie Martinez, Laufey, Idelwork, Frank Sinatra, NMIXX, Ive, Megan Thee Stallion, Flo Milli, Poppy, Lesserafim, Aespa, Newjeans, Infinity Song, Kiss of Life, and many more!

Media: I’m not going to list every kind of media I’m into but here is a small taste! Big fan of ARGs, Indie Horror games (puppet combo specifically), Mascot Horror games (FNAF + Poppy Playtime), Anime (although I haven’t watched anything recently, but my fave is TBHK), K-dramas and Thai-dramas, YouTube video essays (TRO, iNabber, Primik, Stephanie Soo), Cartoons (Owl House, Gravity Falls, Amphibia, MLP, stuff like that), RPG + Dating Sim games (Shooter game HATER here), Sitcoms, Snoopy/Peanuts, Miraculous Ladybug (biggest MariChat lvr) Twisted Wonderland (Azul my love) and a BUNCH more things I’m into, but I’m not going to list them all like I said :,)

Hobbies: Doing my nails, playing my flute, writing fanfics (don’t judge I BEGGG), reading (pls recommend books for me to read, I love the classics too), deco (for my photo cards and notebooks lol), and makeup!

I think that should suffice for my introduction, though it looks a bit long…I’m a blabber could you tell?

Anyways thank you for sticking around for the end! If you want to see any updates on my goals or read my blabber about my interests don’t hesitate to follow me! (Also follow me on Ao3 @/dino_mp3 if you’re an Azul lvr bc all my fanfics are about him) This tumblr is more of a casual stop for me to be more myself and work towards a better me :) But thank you again and I hope you have a good day/night! Don’t forget to drink water :D

-Dino

#studyblr #Causalblog #goals #motivation #girl blogger #blogging #introductory post #blog intro #study blog #life goals #life #work in progress #workout #ap classes #do your homework #school #productive mindset #student life #high school #meantal health #loving life #love yourself #in progress #a better future

[kanerallels]

Re: homeschooling. There is ALOT of stigma, but I’ve heard the stigma is much higher in the USA than elsewhere, and this is an American site so all polls results are skewed to an American world view. So there’s that, what fears exist there that influence the vote? I’ll try to summarize. I’d be interested in a poll from everyone else. Also the points I’m gonna cover are just what I’ve heard over the years, and over the border as a Canadian myself, who only homeschooled for a few of my years, so it’s not iron clad or anything. Just some possibilities.

The stigmas come from the idea that it’s bad because there are, unfortunately, a lot of people who don’t do it right, or for the right reasons. The main objections are these kids are completely isolated socially, underprepared to function in the real world, and that they won’t get a proper education - either from ignorance or malice, or both. There may also be unconscious bias that the state (not the American sense of the word, but the institutional sense) knows best and how can parents know what to teach? Which probably feeds back into factors I don’t really have the qualifications to talk about but basically boil down to “if you educated them better they won’t be mindless minions for the capitalist/military/prison grind” - the state does not want that, so they purport the idea that it’s bad (yes that borders on conspiracy theory, not saying it’s true, saying I’ve heard this said). Never mind public education is a fairly new concept, historically speaking (and it is a good thing in many ways! Mandatory, free, basic education has eliminated illiteracy in many places for example. The concept started out with worthy goals, etc - have they strayed from them and why? Lack of care or just resources?)

Obviously, all of that is going to vary by who is doing it and why and if they have the time and resources and desire to do it properly.

Socially, you can absolutely create community elsewhere - when my mom was doing it with us, we went to the library every single week and met up with a bunch of other kids and planned social stuff and educational group trips to places like the science centre and the art and history museums. We mixed our book learning with practical skills - one person knew a sewing teacher, one person negotiated a discount for swim lessons, the library offered French lessons among its many other programs. And of course to supplement grade standard education lesson books, like math, spelling, etc, we were ALWAYS taking out books from the library, both fiction and non fiction. So there are absolutely ways to get a rounded education and a social life. I would say even more so now than when the concept was new for me 15-20 years ago.

But on the other hand, there are the horror stories, and success stories don’t circulate half so well. The people who isolate their kids to abuse them, don’t teach them anything, make them do chores all day beyond age appropriate responsibility or physical ability, etc. also the deliberate obfuscation of certain information or topics because of personal ideology, usually religious, because you know. Somehow education equates belief (sarcasm. Example: I learned people used to think the world was flat. Guess what? I don’t believe that).

These are just some random thoughts, feel free say it doesn’t make sense lol. I do believe if that’s what you want to do, and you have the love and time and ability and patience etc, and financial freedom for at least one parent to do it (someone’s gotta work unfortunately), then go for it. But do it right, and find as many resources as you can. Unfortunately there are people who go into it without preparation and for the wrong reasons and I can see why people believe kids need access to third parties somewhere in their lives, and school might as well be it. Like there’s very much merit and drawbacks on both sides. I think there’s kids who could come out from both systems with abysmal skills, and from both with stellar skills, (I’ve met both types), it’s just really gonna boil down to individual circumstances.

This is all really really interesting, thank you for the ask!! I knew some of this stuff but not all of it. And I don't think I knew you were homeschooled at one point, that's so cool!! (Oh and you're never gonna hear judgement about conspiracy theory sounding stuff from me lol)

#additionally i am friends with many homeschoolers and they are some of the smartest people i know #one is helping run a small business that is worth a lot of money #one is in college to become an interpreter #and there are many others! #thanks for the ask!! #homeschooling

[oonajaeadira]

Hello! Absolutely no obligation at all to answer this, you just seem really lovely and approachable. Any words of advice you would be willing to share for someone who sort of just arrived here accidentally because they are chronically behind the times and didn’t realize there was a bandwagon and is now utterly terrified to interact anywhere in the fandom lest they make a problem worse and/or get lumped in with the portion of the bandwagon that is…erm, overboard and a bit scary?

(Which isn’t to say you or anyone else is being intimidating on purpose of course. Everyone seems lovely, the anxiety is just REALLY committed to winning this round.)

(Second add-on before I forget, your writing is absolutely bloody brilliant by the way. Thank you for sharing it with us!)

Hello you lovely, lovely, lovely human. <3

Breathe and stick close, honeybee. This is a good corner of the fandom....at least from where I'm sitting.

To be totally honest, I know that there's a lot of horror in the fandom, but I've actually not seen a lot of it with my own eyes. That's because when I landed here, I basically just kinda sat and observed folks for a hot second, started writing, and let friendlies come to me. If someone or the mutuals they would interact with seemed like a lot of drama, I mainly steered clear. My best friends here mostly approached me and were kind and gentle and funny and respectful to the man we all love. And because of that, I've pretty much just curated a really lovely corner of the fandom for myself.

As someone who deals with anxiety and depression though, I get you. Coming into a place where there are SO MANY of fans and cliques and strong friendships feels intimidating...like starting at a new school/job. There's really no short answer though. Like anything else, settling in and finding your folks and your path takes a little time.

You seem to be doing alright so far though...you marked me as someone safe to approach. So your powers of observation are working! Good start! 😄

But nobody's going to assume you're one of the scary ones right off the bat. Being kind and offering up a bouquet of niceness (like you did in your ask) opens the door up real quick.

So my question for you is...where do you want to live in this fandom? Are you a fic writer? A gif maker? An artist? A reader? A reblogger? If one of the first three, then start creating, kitkat! Learn how to tag your stuff and those who love it will find you! If you're a reader, I guarantee the fastest way to spread goodwill and make artists start to recognize your callsign and appreciate you is by reblogging and commenting on their work. I can't emphasize that enough--creators don't get paid for their work here. They share their creations in exchange for interaction and community. They want to scream joyfully about the fandom with other fans. Please, for the love of Pedro, come scream with us!

And that, my friend is what you bring to the table.

That's all you have to do. Openly share joy. Do it by sharing your art/stories/talents or by sharing the work of others and your love of it. And if you happen to share your joy with someone but don't receive it back from them, then you've found someone who may not be worthy of your collection of the fairest folk. That's okay. There are a hundred more who will acknowledge your joy. Turn around and you'll walk right into them around here.

But if you have anxiety, it's okay to go slow. Starting on anon is good, helps you get some practice in before you're ready for your debut. Just remember what my buddy @insomniamamma says..."the anon button is not for hate. It's for horny and embarrassed about it."

You'll get over the embarrassment soon enough once you realize we're all pretty horny (including sappily horny for fluff and romance) around here. Don't judge yourself for it. We sure won't!

Post some joy. Reblog some work with an "I love this!" Join in an ask game. All of those are loved around here.

And do it on your own terms. Take the time you need.

Nobody's gonna think you're one of the overwhelming ones, love. They'll just think you're one of the thirsty ones. And that's nothing to be ashamed of once you realize that you're no different from everyone else in your new favorite corner of the fandom.

(gif by damerondjarin)

#join us #we have pedros #joy and kindness and respect #and being hopelessly in love and admiration for one glorious chilean dork

[dinoburger]

hey.

people are dying, but you're giving your cause everything you can. i've seen you work hard to try to help people. you're donating. you're spreading the word. keep going.

keep questioning how you interact with the world and you'll keep gaining richer experiences for it. this is a turning point for many artists, writers, crafters, etc. wherein they realize that fan culture is not giving them what they could be getting by engaging directly with themes and topics and a medium that they personally care about most.

you have to engage with art to get better at art, and fan work can be a great vessel for your thoughts on art. fan work can be fulfilling, but it is also ultimately a sort of self-imposed constraint.

now. you clearly have stories you want to tell about trans men and war and pointless enterprise and they're outgrowing the tf2 framework. they have been for a while. i don't really like tf2, but i *do* like your art and think of you first as an artist who engages with the trans body before someone who partakes in fandom of any kind.

if you decide to take those stories in your own direction, i want to read them and watch them grow. take care.

I have mixed feelings because it's not that I see fan work vs. original work as the dichotomy here, but rather like. A lot of the stuff I do outside of it isn't particularly deep in and of itself but it's still meaningful.

It's funny cuz like, I started getting back into traditional art because I've been painting picket signs. You're not doing that because it's narratively engaging or even to make them beautiful, but to be eye-catching and make a point.

I guess that's mostly what I think about, it's more laterally like, something that can exist without needing to be to that ends.

I don't really think it's a matter of taking the stories I have and restructuring them to add "originality" because that wasn't the point of writing them in the first place, and I'm not going to forcibly take my experiences and try to twist them into a compelling story if they won't fit or shouldn't center me - rather, the work I do doesn't need to be that deep if the context I'm using it for is meaningful already, I don't need to cut myself up for parts.

I want to engage art and culture more in that sense, you know? I think that was part of the joy of making pottery to me when I used to do it, there was always this kind of practicality and physicality that makes it feel significant in ways that aren't simply expressed, regardless of "depth" or branding or anything else.

There is just a kind of funneling that inevitably happens with engagement and social media. I think acting like I'm totally above it isn't honest, it's now 2 AM as I'm writing this response. I don't think of myself as profoundly removed, more the opposite. I think even if you're aware, you sometimes don't realise how bad it is for you until you start peeling away.

There's a kind of sterile singularity to it, every aspect of how art and identity are engaged here. There tends to be a kind of singular authority people take to each other that shapes the landscape here. And there's very much an "I'm not like that" kind of dogma.

Paradoxically it is like, the thing where the more you argue the point, the more it seems like you're trying to establish yourself as the authority of it, and again it's not like none of these things can be meaningful at all, but there's a kind of undeniable tunnel vision you get sucked into.

I don't think anything I've done for the causes I'm interested in are praise worthy, I try to do what I can. But it's still the most valuable thing I could be doing.

#asklies

[concealeddarkness13]

Laid In Scales Chess and Ives First Meet

I probably will be posting slightly out of order. I had already written this, so I just had to tweak it a little. It might be confusing, but it was fun to write! It is an enemies to lovers scene, so there is some romance stuff. Tagging: @drabbleitout, @ratracechronicler, @maple-writes, @pen-of-roses, and @grailfish!

The night was biting cold as I left the bar, having stopped right before I would have gotten fully drunk. Artel chided me in my mind, but she sounded more amused than angry. I just…I couldn’t be in that stuffy bunker anymore, damn how safe it made me. Naivi should have been there. She had actually studied and prepared for this for years. How was I worthy of the title of dragon rider when it should have been her?

Fuck. I leaned against a wall, taking a shuddering breath and trying to get it together. How could I make her proud? She was watching over me in the Netherfel, and she was probably so disappointed. I could barely pull myself together for one day.

The neon sign near me flickered and went out, and I could feel someone’s eyes on me. I brought out my sword, the red glow lighting up the alley around me. Artel flashed concern into my mind, but I asked her to stay where she was, to stay safe. She was too big to be fighting in the streets anyway.

I bared my fangs as I looked around. “Show yourself, you coward!”

Someone jumped down from a roof, but I couldn’t make out their features, since they had their hood up and were wearing a facemask. But they were so much fucking taller than I was.

He chuckled. “I much prefer killing my prey head on, anyway. The fight is much more fun than a quick death.”

He drew his own sword, and it glowed purple. Fuck. Ives, the dragon rider for Etaran. He had been a dragon rider for years now. So, he knew what the hell he was doing. He lowered his hood and took off his facemask, probably just to show off his brilliant, mocking smile.

He tilted his head, looking me up and down. “Chess Vesperia. Hadrian told me about the second choice dragon rider they had to elevate. You don’t even deserve the title. Where is your dragon?”

He had the necklace, the charm that the dragon could turn into to go along with the rider. But Artel hated turning into the charm, and I wasn’t going to make her. It wasn’t as if she could help me fight anyway. I raised my sword protectively. “What, worried you can’t take me on by yourself?”

His eyes glinted dangerously, and he smacked his sword against mine. I held my ground, glaring at him. I might have been shaky from the alcohol, but I had practiced fighting so much that this was second nature to me by now.

He scoffed and surged forward, slamming his sword against mine again and again as I scrambled back and struggled to even keep my sword blocking his onslaught. But I had to. I couldn’t die now. Not when everyone was counting on me to get better and to protect Arcadia.

“You don’t know anything. How can you protect your country if you barely know how to hold a sword?” He smirked as I gasped and panted, barely keeping up.

With my free hand, I inched for my gun until I snagged it and brought it up, trying to shoot at him at point blank range. He cursed and jumped back, dodging the bullets, his tail lashing in anger. I stood there, gasping in breaths, barely able to hold my sword up. I still wasn’t prepared for this.

He looked so fucking indignant. “You even have to stoop to using humans’ weapons! You’re not worthy of being called a dragon rider.”

“Fuck,” I gasped out, still pointing the gun at him. “If it means I’m alive, I don’t give a fuck what you want to call me.”

He tilted his head, a smile pulling at his lips. “So, I can call you mine?”

I blinked and frowned. “Don’t think that’ll work if you want to kill me, dumbass!” Even if he was hot. I had to kick the horny side of my brain for that.

But it had succeeded in distracting me. He dashed forward, wrestling the gun out of my hand and taking the bullets out before dropping it, then pinning me up against the wall, his sword at my neck.

He smirked, watching me closely as I tried to weakly struggle and not think about how close he was, how he pushed a thigh between my own to get even closer. Fuck. “I could make this quick or make you suffer, Vesperia. Your choice.”

His stomach was pressed up against my chest (he was too fucking tall, damnit), and it felt like I could barely breathe. What the fuck was wrong with me? He was going to kill me! I bared my teeth again. “Fuck you.”

He tilted his head and stared at me, still with that infuriating smirk. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

I hissed out a breath. “What, is this your idea of making me suffer?”

I gasped when he rocked his hips into mine. Oh fuck, but that already got me shaking. I whimpered as he leaned in so his mouth was inches from my ear. “Poor dear, you haven’t had any action for a while, have you? You want it so fucking bad.” He chuckled. “Maybe I’ll just leave you with the embarrassment instead. How much you want me. And maybe I’ll kill you next time. Or just leave you wallowing in the agony.”

I gasped when he rocked his hips into me again, barely able to process his words as he scraped his teeth along my neck before kissing the sting away. What the fuck was wrong with me? He was the enemy! I opened my eyes as he licked at my jaw. I was still shaking, but I got myself to glare at him. “St-stop. I…I don’t want this.”

He leaned back and tilted his head, grinning. “You just get off on danger, is that it?” He backed off though, and I leaned against the wall, since my legs were shaking so bad, I could barely stand.

He stepped back, putting his hood and facemask back up. He saluted mockingly. “I must say, not impressed with the dragon rider here. You aren’t half the dragon rider the previous one was. Keep practicing.” He sounded like he was talking to a child. My cheeks burned as I stared at him. He definitely see my little shakes, how my legs wanted to spread. I was a fucking disaster, and I…I didn’t deserve to be a dragon rider. Naivi had always teased me about how horny I was. What was she thinking now that I had let it get the best of me?

“I’ll see you later dear. After all, you’re mine.” He disappeared off into the night. Damn, he thought he was so fucking clever bringing that joke up.

I grabbed my sword and my gun, walking back to the bunker and still shaking embarrassingly. Artel would have a whole lecture on what happened. She could tell, I couldn’t hide anything from her. And I had to practice. I had to get better. He would die by my hand the next time I saw him.

#writeblr #laid in scales

[winns-stuff]

Babes, you are chronically online complaining about LO. Like I’m critical of it too but god please go touch some grass, call a friend. Isn’t it draining complaining about something like everyday?

I knew at least some day I’d get a message like this and although I’ve already talked about why I made this page in the first place I might as well say it again since it is buried underneath all my other posts. I know to this person I may seem obsessive and it’s probably like that for a lot of people who view my page, but the reason why I do this at all is very personal to me. I’m not used to speaking my opinion or my mind since my household is.. I won’t say toxic but they never exactly validate me at all really. Whenever I commented on anything I’d either get looks, the silent treatment, or they just brushed me off as if I didn’t say anything. It affected me throughout my childhood and I became more quieter than everyone else because I didn’t think my opinions mattered.

Now you might be asking yourself, “what does this have to do with you complaining about Lore Olympus?” and I’ll answer the question. I didn’t leave the fandom recently and actually I left it around 2017 and I did so quietly. I was having my problems with the story in ways that it stuck with me, irked me if you will, but I never said anything about it because I felt like no one would hear me, or they’d harass me like I’ve seen the fandom do before. But over the years I thought over my time with Lore Olympus mainly since I wanted to go back to it and I started reflecting on why I didn’t like it in the first place. There was a plethora of reasons why I didn’t like it but I thought this very comment, I thought I was being obsessive and complaining even when speaking my opinion and I believed that I wasn’t worthy of being heard. I repressed all my thoughts again and even scolded myself for having them until I found this community filled with like-minded people. I didn’t start off the bat just making these either, I was much too afraid of what others would say or even think and I was still in this mindset that I had been for years so I started off just liking posts that I agreed with. Liking turned into commenting, which was a huge step for me since I never enjoyed doing it in the first place, and for once I got agreements and good feedback. I felt heard and seen by people.

Which is why after a month or so of just commenting my opinions and ideas, really interacting with people who weren’t undermining or trying to ignore me I got more motivated to actually speak my mind on my own page. Which also got good feedback, many people agreed and others enjoyed it which was a thing I never knew was possible. Really what I’m trying to say is that I’m just giving myself a floor to speak my mind on, whether it be appreciations or criticisms, and it’s slowly giving me the courage to start advocating more and speaking without any fear. So in a way this is kinda like practice/ therapy? I don’t know. But I have a lot of opinions, not just about Lore Olympus even though it seems like that’s the main thing I post, I just haven’t gotten the courage to explore those topics yet but hopefully soon I will.

Also, sorry that this is a little long I just wanted to give you a response. I don’t want to seem like I’m disrespecting you or anything or just saying this stuff for pity. In a way this really isn’t draining for me it’s actually pretty liberating to say things around people who actually respect my opinion other than the ladder. Hopefully that was a good response if you read this far.

#lo critical #anti lore olympus #anti lo

[heinzpilsner]

Remember how I said I see only two explanations behind Zuko's irrational jealousy? Well, it seems like I somehow managed to overlook screaming non-verbal aspect of Mai's behavior!

Ugh, non-verbal stuff, why do you do this to me

So, here's a remake of my previous "Smart and serious"™ analysis of the situation!

(Why am I so stupid at being smart? I wish I could be smart at being stupid instead.)

In short it goes like this: Zuko took Mai's annoyed facial expression after he made his antipathy towards Ruon-Jian clear as an evidence that she likes the other boy.

That's all. No spicy or dramatic deeply hidden messages.

My inner conspiracy theorist is devastated.

(Still... You can't prove something's nonexistence~)

But here goes bonus content to anyone interested!

I couldn't help but indulge myself in a long and boring psychology lecture character study that would explain how Zuko ended up in this situation in the first place - from a slightly different angle than before, that is.

I wanna talk about Zuko's personality settings in more detail - in particular, about his dependent self-worth.

Contrast between people with different types of such settings was greatly demonstrated by Zuko's and Iroh's juxtaposition in first two seasons, actually.

Iroh doesn't care whether other people respect him or not - because his self-worth is unconditionally high. He values himself no matter circumstances and opinions, so his ego doesn't need protection from negative external evaluations.

His self-esteem though is (mostly) adequate - which means it isn't fixed in a perpetually high position. It allows him to see situation clearly, accept his bad circumstances humbly and work with them efficiently. If he's currently forced to become a beggar - well, he's going to beg alright, it's not a big deal.

Zuko's self-worth, on the other hand, is heavily affected by other people's evaluations. It makes his ego extremely vulnerable, and he has to protect it - sometimes with the help of inadequately high self-esteem.

So, when he believes someone thinks poorly of him, he has to belittle them ("peasants") and/or attack them. When it's impossible because of the person's autority though (like in case of his father), he's forced to agree with their low judgment - which is extremely stressful and painful and triggers another type of psychological defenses anyway.

(I guess this is what Iroh really wanted to say with his "pride is a source of shame" speach. Well, he's a vise man, but he's not exactly a psychologist, you know.)

So, in "The Beach", Zuko couldn't just calmly accept the fact that two random dudes didn't want to see him on their party - he immediately took offense.

Even though the reasons behind the boys' reluctance to invite Zuko in particular could be numerous, actually. From most practical ("We don't want you to burn the house down") and flattering ("We don't want any other hot guys at our party") to the most subjective ("Your haircut is awful, my eyes are bleeding"!)

I couldn't help it, could I?

But Zuko's ego was battered enough by his life, apparently, so this possibility didn't even occure to him.

So, as a result, Zuko had to look down on Ruon-Jian's (Chan's as well) personality and intelligence. Basically, that's what his "He thinks he's so great" was about.

(It doesn't necessarily mean the boys are not idiots though - but Zuko simply didn't have enough data to come to such a conclusion.)

But even after using this method of protection, Zuko couldn't fully stiffle his insecurities and self-doubt - because he had reasons (both right and wrong) to doubt himself.

(Especially since it was occuring on the background of the more general inner conflict: Zuko's father deems him worthy now, but the other autority of his life doesn't even want to speak with him. So Zuko's self-worth constantly jumps from heights to lows and he feels extremely confused and destabilized.)

And in such a situation, Zuko needed to get assurance from a person who was supposed to value him high.

Basically, his "What do you think about [Ruon-Jian]?" question towards Mai can be translated as: "Please, tell me what I'm right and he's an idiot, because otherwise I can't be sure in my own worth."

But Mai was not interested in encouraging Zuko's hostility towards other guys.

She reacted at Zuko's question with annoyance and answered honestly: she doesn't think anything about Ruon-Jian.

But Zuko didn't realize that his hostility looked inadequate to people who didn't see the situation from his ego's cocoon.

So he readed Mai's annoyance as her defense of Ruon-Jian.

And why would Mai defend someone unless she liked him?

The mystery is solved! What a great detective you are, Zuko!

Not as great as me though with all my ridiculous conspiracy theories induced by lack of attention

Something like this, I guess.

Thanks for your attention?

I ignore all notifications.

(Hmm, I think before working on next 'overanalysing Maiko' parts I'll have to analyze Mai's demeanor in book 2 more thoroughly. So it will take some time. ... Goddamit, I don't even like her! How on earth I ended up in this situation?

Oh yeah, I just wanted to make a "little psychological exercise". Lol.)

#atla #zuko #mai atla #anti maiko

[carmenthabaddie]

I am making it a point to dress nicely and more feminine and taking pride in my appearance. And heels more and cute flats from brands like Roxy. Always wanted a pair and think I buy pair soon. And my makeup came out good

Also I refuse to think negative anymore and need instant gratification and fake dopamine from stuff that don’t matter and shouldn’t be used for happiness. And that is not need likes and shares and comments to feel any type of good feelings. And post and follow like minded people. We have to stop using social media to find value in ourselves. I post because I inspire not because I need million views on a post. If you manifesting fame stop caring about numbers just be yourself and do something you passionate about and stick with affirmation “ I am famous” and actually believe and never judge yourself when you feel a post should be better than it is. Everything you want you already have. Stop trying to manifest and start knowing you have it already period. I am honestly happy I stopped reacting to my current reality. Only look and pay attention to what you actually want and who you actually want. Don’t let anything or anyone discourage you when it’s you that calls the shots. You better act like you know. Especially us black women.

Black women are beautiful and powerful and spiritual and only deserve the best. The world shames and get so mad we have standards. I honestly stopped giving a fuck about society views on us not accepting less as black women and dreaming big. This world is huge and I’m gonna get a piece of the pie. And you will too. I’m rooting for you. Root for yourself too. Spirit and ancestors will bless you when you stop and surrender and have faith in them. The “why” “how” “when” isn’t important when you have unshakable faith in yourself and spirit and ancestors. Took me years knowing and feeling this confident about manifestations and law of assumption and African traditional religions spiritual practices made by us and for us. It’s power in being black. And they hate us for it. But I stand ten toes down in my blackness and think highly of myself and other blacks. 2024 will be good to me and other black people.

Spirit and my black ancestors in me and is a blessing to have them in my physical vessel aka body. Stop lowering your worth for people who wasn’t worthy of you to begin with. It’s good feeling to know my worth and not settle and thrive and have anything or anyone

#findom goddess #black femininity #hypergamy #black hypergamy #spoiled girlfriend #black beauty #black girl moodboard #black women in luxury #black woman aesthetic #black girl manifest #i wanna lose weight

[6irlpet]

Mm im a virgin and im nervous about my first time can u give me some tips

hmmmmmm ok ok ok ill try

first of all its normal to be shy/nervous but anyone who's worthy as a partner isnt gonna make u feel weird or bad about that. if they do they r not the one!

be safe 😑 similarly anyone who doesnt respect your wishes for things like... condoms, lube, or what u dont want to do, etc etc is not the one!!! never Ever not just for first times!!!! it is OK to not be comfortable with certain things!!!! i know this sounds like elementary advice but a lot of people think they know it, then freeze up in the actual situation :(

wear s/t that makes u feel cute and confident (doesnt have to be crazy lingerie just like. favorite pair of underwear ukno!) and i like to Always shower day of + wash downstairs like 5 mins before sex bc its (1) clean (2) less anxiety on my part

tbh dont build it up in ur head as something that HAS to be perfect and romantic or whatever....... maybe i'm just not a very romantic person (yes) but virginity is not a big deal imo? u wouldnt expect to be good at any hobby with your first attempt, your goal should just be to have fun. and its practice! u get better lol. like unless its the only time you're planning on having sex ever in your whole life it's ok if the planets didn't align or whatever, just learn what worked/what didnt and carry it with u for a better next time!

Have Fun!!!! even when i have someone tied up i love talking/teasing, laughing with them, etc etc... esp since i'm not very dominant and just top 4 friends, i try not to get frozen in my head about what i ~should~ be acting like. i'll go with what feels natural (it all comes easier than you'd think in the moment honestly) and try to channel a bit of what i know they like. but if ur sexy character breaks or whatever , its ok... have fun with it... just be urself fr... i know that sounds corny but its true!! just have fun and anyone who is worth it is gonna giggle along with u. sex is FUN its a connection with someone, an interaction between bodies, making e/o feel good, let it be natural.

dont be afraid to mention if something doesnt feel good? so many of my friends have told me like, "i didnt like when my parter did this / it turned me off or hurt" and i was appalled, like... tell them??? u can move someones hand elsewhere, u can Communicate. when im topping i like to ask 'is that ok? that feel good? can i touch u here?' etc. u can make it sexy by saying it teasingly, but it gives a real window for someone to say if its not.

this isnt possible for every situation but i think it is worth it to have your first experiences b with someone you trust. it doesn't have to be romantic but i think you're a lot more relaxed if you are comfortable with the person. a lot of my firsts were forced/not rly fun, my first Sex was while intoxicated w/ a guy i'd only known a few days + first kink experiences were also random rushed unsafe stuff. i dont exactly regret but i do feel weird about it sometimes and so i've only recently started to be ok with hooking up with people again. via doing so with FWBs i trust and it's been a vastly different experience!!! idk how to describe it, but like knowing we're good and that it's ok and safe and fun and that they're not judging body or whatever, it's given me more confidence in playing + communicating. i used to freeze up if anyone touched me and now im getting open enough to where im considering letting myself sub again, and ok with more physical contact. ofc not everyone has friends who are dtf but no matter who it is, being comfortable with them is everything!!

nothing should hurt or bleed and i'll die on that hill. with plenty of foreplay/arousal and lube and slowly working up a stretch (if ur being penetrated) it shouldn't hurt. example: i hadn't been penetrated with more than 2-3 fingers for months, when i got home recently i tried dildo and couldn't get it in, i just relaxed + worked up with a smaller toy + knew i could go for lube if i needed (i didnt bc i have a faucet pussy but it does make it easier) similarly with anal, u just gotta work up and relax

in line with #7..... theres nothing wrong with using lube. and foreplay IS essential bc when you get aroused your muscles will relax and you'll feel better and more receptive to every aspect of sex not just penetration. i also don't think there's anything wrong with using toys????? a straight girl im friends with said her boyf can't get her off and i told her to tell him to use a vibe and she was like "i don't think we're close enough for that" like girl what the fuck he's had his tongue in your vagina i think it's okay to use a toy 😭 people historically would have gone nuts for the availability of sex toys we have now fuckin shake it up and have some fun!! it's not weird!!!! god straight people and their sex hangups. anyway.

i hope that helps????? tbh i think a lot of these are aimed @ cishet men being awful in bed for the most part but! they can still apply to keep in mind! summary: dont let anyone make u feel weird or bad for wanting things / not wanting things and u should feel comfortable and good and dont be afraid to communicate what u like (give encouragement vocalize that u feel good!) + what ur not feeling (share if s/t hurts or if u want them to go faster/harder or move up a bit or whatever)! literally HAVE FUN AND BE YOURSELF

#sorry this got long i am passionate about sex ed and communication and consent #fr talk to ur partner!!!! the stories i hear bc (1) all my friends r comfortable talking about sex to me & (2) straight people r insane omf #ask