#I wake up everyday and get to see whether I want to disappear or not and try to act towards it

[daffi-990]

Tease Tidbit Tuesday 🏙️

Tagged by @diazsdimples & @tizniz. Make sure to check out what they shared today! (and maybe send James a virtual hug or a stupid punny joke? He’s been sick for 3 weeks and I’m sure he could use some cheering up 😘)

I have been wanting so desperately to write the past few days but a cold has my sinuses putting so much pressure on my head I feel like it’s going to explode, plus it’s school holidays and it’s been raining so I’ve got two very energetic kids with cabin fever running around causing mayhem 😅.

BUT! I did manage to write a little something for LA Lonely so yay (even though it may not be great, at least it’s words)

Pre snippet here

Buck is woken up by the shrill sound of a phone ringing. The bed jostles, Buck letting out an annoyed grumble as the warm body that is wrapped around him disappears. There is a kiss pressed to his naked shoulder, a whispered apology and then the rustling of the blankets as the person leaves the bed, answering the phone with a quiet hello.

Rolling over to check the time, Buck’s surprised to see that it’s almost 9. Usually his body clock wakes him up at 7am everyday, whether he stayed up late or not, so sleep-ins are a rare thing. He rolls onto his back, groaning as he stretches his arms up above his head. There’s a slight ache in his ass but it’s a reminder of the fantastic sex he had last night and honestly, Buck doesn’t mind the discomfort.

He hears footsteps on the stairs, the wood creaking slightly and then the most attractive man Buck has ever laid eyes on is standing at the foot of his bed wearing nothing but underwear and a soft apologetic smile that has Buck’s tummy swooping.

Eddie.

The man’s name is Eddie, Buck remembers. And remember he should because he was moaning it loud enough last night.

Eddie has a phone pressed between his ear and shoulder as he picks up his jeans and begins to awkwardly shimmy them up his legs. “I told you, I overslept. But I’m getting ready now and can be there in —” he looks down at his wrist and frowns, his eyes sweeping over the discarded clothes on the floor before zeroing in on Buck’s second nightstand where a clunky watch sits. Eddie grabs the watch, quickly checking the time before he begins strapping it on. “I can be there in 20 minutes, 15 if the traffic is good.”

Buck feels a pang in his chest and then instantly chastises himself. This was just another hookup, a one night stand —nothing more than that. He was foolish to think that what he felt last night with Eddie was anything real. It was just the hormones.

Eddie may have stayed, but that was probably because he was hoping to get lucky again this morning. Or like Buck, he slept in and didn’t get a chance to sneak out before Buck woke up.

No pressure tagging: @hippolotamus @puppyboybuckley @spotsandsocks @lover-of-mine @loserdiaz @wikiangela @athenagranted @thewolvesof1998 @exhuastedpigeon @monsterrae1 @wildlife4life @watchyourbuck @elvensorceress @eddiebabygirldiaz @evanbegins @goforkinard @rainbow-nerdss @theotherbuckley @try-set-me-on-fire @dangerpronebuddie @disasterbuckdiaz @devirnis @donationwayne @shitouttabuck @sunshinediaz @princessfbi @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @fortheloveofbuddie @giddyupbuck @homerforsure @hoodie-buck @honestlydarkprincess @jesuisici33 @king-buckley @captain-hen @bekkachaos @bigfootsmom @ladydorian05 @nmcggg @mellaithwen @missmagooglie and as always, anyone else who wants to share something -> consider this your official tag

#spoiler alert: Eddie would stay if he could but fatherhood calls and well that’s a call Eddie will always answer #daffi writes #wip: la lonely #Buck is being all self deprecating #but what else is new? #buddie wip #buddie #I really really want to finish Rival Firefighters so I can dive into my other wips #(and also post the first chapter for you guys!) #and I’m soooo close #but between the pounding head and the energetic munchkins .. I haven’t been able to keep the smutty writing beans going #though I have been on a bit of a little fic reading roll atm which is nice 😊 #having to slow down and rest (more like being forced to by my husband haha) gives me time to go through my MARKED FOR LATER library #okay I’ve probably rambled way too much #hugs to everyone ❤️

[hastyprovocateur]

Girlfriend Abby Headcanons

Cw- mature content, mild sexual themes, fluff, SPOILERS FOR TLOU2!

● Abigail Anderson grew up as a guarded girl, her life and psyche got stunted in a way when she lost her father. She'd train day and night, leaving little room for recreation, pleasure and healing. It only worsened when revenge dragged her into further loss of her comrades and close friends.

● However, ever since she's found you and Lev, she's seen your smiles and found herself mirroring the happiness. You love her for being in your life and she's slowly accepting that love, directing more of it into herself. Feeling needed and cherished has allowed her another chance at life.

● She's grown fond of long hikes with you. Abby is no rogue but lately, she's gotten obsessed with grabbing your hand and disappearing for hours on end, only wanting you by her side. Whether rambling or silent, she will look at you every now and then, give an easy laugh. She'll show you sunsets and sunrises alike, staring at that lovely smile grow more radiant on your face. She would definitely officially ask you to be her life partner on one such early morning just as the sun rises.

"Babe, can you answer a biit faster... the cliff is making me nervous"

● The switch to living together would be quick. Abby's learnt the importance of time spent with her loved ones and will let you know that she won't be wasting much of it with you around. She secured a previously abandoned house with a secure electricity and water supply, steadily amping up the living spaces to make it more suitable for you and Lev. It was healing for her to do things more so out of love, even hanging up stupid signs and placing trinkets on tables. Her every thought involves spending time with you and Lev. It came to fruition when you all moved in.

"Is that a handmade home-is-where-the-heart-is sign, Abby?"

● She will build a basement gym and insist you join her everyday. No, she vehemently denies just looking for reasons to see you exercise in body hugging clothes. But you suspect otherwise as she spots you during bench press, insists on holding your thighs while you do sit ups, resting a hand on your back for one-arm rows and wanting to do twin pull ups. Her facade later falls off before you go shower when she comes for your sweaty, warm body fair and square.

"The only sets I did were tearing my eyes away from you"

● She maintains her military-like discipline. A tad to your chagrin but you adore her for it nonetheless. Plus, getting ordered around by Abby was one of your shrouded kinks. She monitored your food and water intake and acted as your stand-in alarm system since her body was organically wired to waking up at set times. If you didn't wake up with her, she'd carry you out of bed herself, change your clothes amid protests and make sure you don't get tardy for the day.

"Is this a house or THE FUCKING BARRACKS" you yell at her

● Quite literally rendered you useless at home since she insists on cooking, cleaning, driving and getting things in order. Will sneak into the shower to bathe you thoroughly, getting frisky per usual but will specifically request that you shampoo her hair with pine scented shampoo and braid them once they dry. She'd ask for massages, especially in her calves and shoulders after a long day. Abby would pull you into random cuddles throughout the day, asking you to stroke her head while you kiss and praise her.

"Tell me I'm a good mama bear"

"You're a good mama bear, Abby"

● Her car music CDs are stacked with her favourites: Deftones, Genitorturers, Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails and Velvet Acid Christ. She will make you her royal passenger princess. She will mentally note all the details you love and stack them in the glovebox, like the fruity car freshener, your fidget toys, lip balm, sunglasses, body mist, cup holder for your coffee and... well... a discreetly hidden vibrator and lube for date night.

"The car smells like 10 different things and I'm scared"

● Aside from no drinking or smoking, she will establish a swear jar system, especially with Lev around. She knows you can be foulmouthed and swears often herself but resolved to put an end to cursing in the Anderson household when she saw Lev catching on all too quickly. The 13 year old asking why you called Abby "big daddy" was the straw that broke the camel's back

● With help from her handy polaroid camera, Abby took to capturing every little moment. She'd let them develop and add them to an album, replete with particulars from the day. She didn't care if it was a big or small event, Abby would grow tender over a wholesome dinner with good food and tell both you and Lev to pose for her. Neither of you minded, you knew it was important for her.

"But Abby is not your father..."

"Oh no, honey..." you try to explain

"Say cheese"

"Nacho"

● She'd brought the camera to the bedroom as well, eyes heady with love mid-sex as she'd capture your face flushed with swollen lips, eyes damp and doe-like. Her large hand would cover your nipples as she captured you in the heat of the moment. A family photo with Lev took centrestage in the clear section of her wallet but more discreetly, your intimate photo hid in a slot just behind it. There were more in a tin box in her nightstand and you gave it a cursory glance everyday, smiling but never going through it.

● She'd become an even more voracious reader than before. Her choice stuck to action thrillers, picking Lee Child, David Baldacci and Tom Clancy. Nights consisted of her sitting up near the nightlamp on her side of the bed, you lying snug in the crook of her arm while her eyes ran over the lines, flipping pages. You tried to keep up but it just went by so quick, you made sure to ask for chapter updates in the morning and Abby would gladly fill you in.

● Ditto with films. She's a sucker for action, thriller movies like Predator, Matrix, Indiana Jones and Kill Bill. She also liked martial arts movies like Ip Man, Street Fighter, Enter the Dragon and Fist of Legend. She'd hoot at the fighting moves and dramatic villain reveals. You'd often lose track with all the rapid fight sequences and she'd patiently pause the DVD and explain the scene to you.

● She'd grown to love woodworking projects, especially since Lev could join her, with you weaving in and out of the duration of it with snacks and drinks. She liked the physical workout as well. You accidentally let slip in bed one night how you'd love to have a treehouse on the oak tree near your house and Abby swore to build it for you. She spent a whole summer at it, aided by you and Lev since being up on the tree made her jittery but not discouraged enough to stop. Lev, on the other hand, took to performing circus tricks on the branches to petrify the both of you.

"Do you think it would break if we have sex up there"

"I'd rather die than have sex in the treehouse"

● Abby carried sachets of puppy chow in her jeans to feed any doggo she might see on the streets, naturally, they'd happily trail her back to the house. You'd look at her sternly in the doorway, eyeing the puppy in her arms, licking and yipping, waiting for your approval. You wouldn't know if it's Abby's sad little pout or the adorable baby but you'd let them in anyway.

"I swear this is the last time, Abigail"

● Though you could competently defend yourself, were safer than before and stably settled. Abby wouldn't risk it for anything. She'd insist that both you and Lev stay trained so you could take on anything as a family if it were to come your way. Abby, being a deadshot with a crossbow, will keenly note your marksmanship. Your personal training sessions will be rigorous and serious once you get past how sexy it feels with her hands positioning your body, holding your forearm and guiding your aim to the target.

"If you hit it, I'll let you top tonight"

#abby anderson #abby the last of us #abby tlou #abby and lev #abby anderson headcanon #abby anderson blurb #abby tlou2 #abby tlou smut #abby smut #abby anderson smut #abby anderson x you #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson x y/n #tlou fanfiction #tlou fandom #tlou smut #tlou2 headcanon #tlou headcanons #abby anderson tlou2 #abby anderson the last of us 2

[thetriplets3]

❊ never alone ❊

TW: mentions and alludes to mild to severe depression, descriptions of physical signs of an eating disorder, allusions of an eating disorder, talks about nightmares, and panic attacks are mentioned

You have the sweetest soul there is. You are so mindful of how I’m feeling and always asking if there’s anything you can do for me or if I’m okay. Usually I find this annoying because the answer almost every time is no, every day is a struggle for me, every day is the same. But I’ll never get annoyed hearing you ask because you care so much and would take my problems in a heartbeat if you could. You’re my medicine. You radiate this comforting and healing energy that is slowly healing all my wounds.

The wounds you have started healing in me are beginning to open back up. I’ve moved 2 hours away for school, 2 hours away from you and anyone I know. I’ve gotten to the worst place I’ve ever been mentally, and it’s noticeable physically. Whether you say it or not during our facetime calls, you noticed everything. You noticed how much weight I had lost, that I was merely just a skeleton. You checked in on me occasionally but never brought up the change in my appearance, not entirely sure how to approach that. I don’t think I realized just how bad it had gotten. When you deal with something every day for so long, it becomes a new normal for you. It makes you blind to the things around you.

I had tremors 24/7, graphic vivid nightmares that I can still see when I close my eyes, permanently scarred in my mind. I could barely sleep because I was so afraid of the nightmares. I’d start my days with a shower hoping it would add a little pep in my step but that was always unsuccessful. Putting my music on, I’d turn the water to scolding hot and just think about how I couldn’t stand every day being the same, it was a never ending nightmare. From the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep I would cry and cry until I cried myself into a panic attack to the point of not being able to breathe. I didn’t recognize the face staring back at me in the mirror, it was as if I was a ghost watching myself bleakly trying to survive. Food was impossible. Everything tastes different. Barely able to get a snack down, I was on a fine line between life and death, and no one seemed to notice. All I needed was for one person to realize I was barely able to keep my head above the water and no one did. I was desperately and silently pleading for help.

Waking up everyday and knowing exactly what will happen, as it’s been like this for weeks, knowing there’s nothing you can do to make it stop, knowing you are merely just an empty vessel of a skeleton leads me to think of only one option. To think those thoughts weighs so heavily on my mind it will forever haunt me. I’m laying in bed, crying so hard I’m on the verge of a panic attack, I hear a knock on the door. Waiting to see if my roommate will answer the door, the knocking stops, must have been for her. I’m sucked back into my thoughts and tears, clawing at my chest desperately gasping for a breath when I’m interrupted by a knock. I freeze, confused as to who would be knocking on my door. I crawl my way out of bed, bringing the blanket that’s wrapped around my shoulders with me. With a heavy sigh I opened the door not really wanting to see anyone. I was in shock, you were the last person I thought would be at my door but the one person I needed.

“You gonna say hi or just stare at me?” You ask with a smirk on your face.

I attack you in a hug, causing you to stumble backwards. My blanket covered body engulfs your torso as you wrap your arms around my shoulders and back comfortingly rubbing them. I refuse to let go because this is the one thing I’ve been needing so badly and I’m afraid if I let go it’ll all disappear. One thing I love about you is that you won’t let go of a hug until the other person does first, so we stay hugging each other in my doorway like our lives depend on it. Pressing a sweet kiss to the top of my head, you briefly pull away from the hug to wrap your arms around my torso, lifting me off the ground. I move my blanketed arms to wrap around your neck, burying my face in the crook of your shoulder and neck. I can’t help but let the tears continue to fall, wetting your neck.

“Oh sweetheart, I’m here it’s okay, let it out I’ve got you” you coo into my ear, resting your head against mine. You walk to my bed with our bodies still clinging to each other. Placing yourself under my covers with my body laying partly on yours, holding on to you for dear life. You reach up to remove the blanket that’s been hiding my body.

“You’ll be too warm honey, you gotta take the blanket off” you say.

I release my grip on the blanket letting you put it to the side, covering me with my bedding. Now that my blanket is gone my body is revealed. You can see and feel just how much I’ve been struggling. A tear slips your eye as you quickly wipe it.

“I see you sweet girl, I see that you’re not okay, I’m here to help” you whisper in the sweetest voice, rubbing my back soothingly.

That’s what I’ve been needing to hear, to know that somebody sees I’m not okay and is willing to help. Cuddling into your side, you delicately trace your fingers along my back. You can feel the tremors that have taken over my muscles. You knew I had hard days but weren't aware they got this bad. I didn’t know what was happening to me and I was scared. Seeing me in this fragile, vulnerable state breaks your heart. Your gentle tracing on my back is lulling me into a much needed nap.

“You’re not alone now sweetheart, I’m here I’ve got you. We’ll get through this together” you whisper in my ear as I drift off into sleep.

You stay awake and watch me for a while to make sure I don’t need anything. Your eyes graze my face watching as it contorts and slightly reacts to the nightmares. You tighten your hold on me, reminding me that you’re here. You eventually drift off into sleep yourself. I’m awake at 5am, unable to go back to sleep. You’re a heavy sleeper so I know reaching over you to grab my laptop to put on a show won’t disturb you, even putting my headphones in to make sure I don’t wake you. Putting on my comfort show, I try to relax. I zoned out that I didn’t see you wake up.

“Good morning sunshine, how are you feeling today?” you say with a sleepy voice that makes my heart skip a beat.

I grumble in response and shove my face into your neck. “Nightmares, only slept till 5” I mutter into your neck.

“I’m sorry honey that’s gotta be unpleasant” You say sincerely.

We stay in bed for about an hour watching tv as your hand rubs against my back, in an attempt to soothe my body. “We should get up and get ready” You tell me. This is the hardest part of the day for me. It always feels like the most difficult thing for me to do. I stay in bed while you go to the washroom to do your business and get changed. Coming back to my room you find me sleeping. Letting me sleep for a little while longer you pick out something comfy for me to change into. You even go as far as pairing items together to make outfits for me, so it takes less effort. You tidy up my room a little just by straightening and putting things where they belong. I wake up as you're doing so and sit up in bed stretching. You hand me a hoodie and sweatpants to change into, you turn around as I change.

“Shower? Skincare? What do you want to do?” You ask.

“None, too challenging” I mutter, embarrassed that I couldn't manage basic self care.

“I can do it for you, well at least the skincare. I can stay in the room while you shower if you don't wanna be alone” you suggest. I nod knowing that I should take care of myself.

I hear you enter the bathroom and you announce that you're just on the counter. It feels easier knowing that you're here encouraging me every step of the way. I take my time and wash my hair while I'm in here, not knowing when I'll be able to manage it again. I call out to you letting you know that I'm done and I see your arm stick through the curtain holding a towel that you must've thrown in the dryer to warm it up. My heart melts at the small but meaningful gesture. Drying off in the shower I reach for my robe and put it on, stepping out to see you. You pat the counter telling me to hop up so you can begin my skincare. You know my routine by now having seen me do it plenty of times. My eyes flutter shut as your fingers delicately take care of my skin. You’re always so gentle with me it makes my heart do backflips.

Everything feels easier when I have you here. I no longer feel like I’m drowning, you keep me afloat. It’s been about a year since I’ve moved back home, it’s a long healing process and you’re here to help me every step of the way. With you by my side, I’m never alone.

#matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader

[satoshi-mochida]

Shiravune will release the PC version of novamicus-developed romance visual novel ONE. via Steam and Johren day and date with its Japanese release on December 22, the publisher announced. It will support English, Japanese, Traditional Chinese, and Simplified Chinese language options.

In Japan, a Switch version is also due out on December 22. It is currently unknown whether it will support multiple language options.

Here is an overview of the game, via Shiravune:

About

ONE. is a remaster of NEXTON‘s genre-defining and highly influential romance visual novel One: Kagayaku Kisetsu e, originally released in 1998, and is currently in production to celebrate the 30th anniversary of NEXTON’s foundation.

ONE. faithfully recaptures the beloved story of the original game and brings refined character designs by the one and only Itaru Hinoue. Further refinements and improvements are also provided for modern systems, ensuring that this classic story will remain a joy to experience for years to come. ONE. is sure to bring back memories for fans of old, and to draw a new crowd of fans to one of the foundational pillars of the genre.

ONE. is planned for release December 22, 2023, on Steam & Johren in English, Chinese, and Japanese.

Story What tied me to this world… 1998, winter. I was just a regular student until another world was born in me. Like softly falling snow, it blanketed and began to bury my everyday life. It was only then that I realized… That there were certain things in my life that never changed. The same familiar scenery. The warmth of the one I loved, who filled me with a joy I never noticed. Their existence tied me to this world.

It was when I first started to want these bonds, to want that special someone, that time began to pass, and sunlight caused the season to really shine.

When it did, which world was I standing in, and who was holding my hand?

Characters

Mizuka Nagamori

Birthday: September 26

Kohei’s childhood friend and classmate. A busybody who wakes him up every morning and can’t help but worry about him. If there’s anybody in my life who I should probably thank, it’s you, Nagamori. If we hadn’t met as children, I wonder where I would be now. Since the day we met, we’ve spent a lot of time together… even though you’re a meddler who gets on my nerves sometimes. But still, I have to thank you. You’ll always be my friend, right? But the words you said that day, that saved me… it’s like they’ve disappeared. I could’ve sworn you said—

Rumi Nanase

Birthday: August 8

A girl who transfers into Kohei’s class. She tries her best to be ladylike, but she always messes things up. Possibly because once she sets her mind on something, she single-mindedly sticks to it. On her first day, she ended up bumping into me after turning a corner like we were in some kind of rom-com. Unlike her looks, her personality was kinda… Actually, I’m scared of what she’d do to me if I finished that thought. She always seems to put a lot of thought and effort into becoming the ideal “lady.” Maybe I should reward her enthusiasm with a copy of my manuscript? “Nanase, always chasing the feminine ideal.” Of course, “always chasing” means never quite getting there… (THWUNK!!!)

Akane Satomura

Birthday: April 21

Kohei’s quiet classmate who makes her thoughts known with just a few words. She’s a great cook with a major sweet tooth. It was a gloomy, rainy day when I happened to leave home a bit early and met a girl holding a pink umbrella outside. That girl happened to be Akane. Turns out she was actually in my class. I didn’t think much of that encounter at the time, but I started talking to Akane a lot after that. She kept her distance from others even though all she wanted was for someone to see through her act and get close to her. At least, that’s how it felt to me. But… it also kinda did feel like she was really trying to avoid me, sometimes…

Misaki Kawana

Birthday: June 3

Kohei’s senior who lost her eyesight in an accident when she was little. Despite living in a world of darkness, her personality overflows with light, always positive and sociable. She loves her school’s katsu curry special. I was chilling on the sunset-dyed roof after school when a girl I didn’t know started talking to me. Her eyes were cool, but her smile was warm. I only found out she was my senior in both age and grade later. Also, what that cool look actually meant. Noticing my sudden uncertainty about how to speak to her, she whispered downcast, “Just how you normally would to anyone else.”

Mayu Shiina

Birthday: May 15

A girl younger than Kohei and Mizuka who refuses to go to school. She bursts into tears whenever something doesn’t go her way. Her favorite food is hamburgers. We met her the day she lost her one and only friend. A ferret. I guess she decided we were a good enough replacement, because from then on she stuck to us like glue. However, whenever something happened, she would throw a tantrum and scream that ferret’s name. She was a pain in the butt. But since it was the first time she was reaching out and getting to know other people, I couldn’t be too mad at her. Her beloved ferret might’ve died, but that death was the first step on her road to adulthood. Right, Shiina?

Mio Kouzuki

Birthday: June 4

Kohei’s expressive and bubbly junior. She doesn’t speak, but always carries a sketchbook to communicate with others. She’s a member of the drama club. I met Mio in our school’s cafeteria. Since then, whenever I happened to look for her, she was right there, smiling up at me. If I had to describe her, I guess she was like a rambunctious little sister? I have no idea what caused her to always smile like that, but I somehow came to take it for granted. She always tried her best at everything—usually resulting in nothing but a new mess for the rest of us to deal with. I doubt she ever noticed, though…

#ONE. #ONE: Kagayaku Kisetsu e #ONE: To The Radiant Season #novamicus #Nexton #Shiravune #visual novel #Gematsu #That's a long wait but heck yeah.

[cup-and-chaucer]

Deathless Is Not a Love Story: A Rant

Everyday I wake up and some subsection of Goodreads has declared war on me, specifically. I finished this book this afternoon and immediately went on a long walk to process it and digest it. I sat in my car by the lake and checked Goodreads and felt my soul flee from my body, flee from the burden of being right on the Internet, flee from the bad faith takes, the misinterpretations, and, most of all, the assertion that a book that begins with a literal bird marrying a girl is historical fiction.

I’m not in a place where I can say whether or not I liked Deathless. I think it’s flawed certainly but it’s not flawed in the way people say it is flawed and that bothers me. *clenches fist* so much. I think the easiest way to organize my thoughts is to take the common thread in the reviews and break them down as I see them:

1. Koschei and Masha’s Relationship is the Best/Worst Love Story Ever Told

This is the major response to this book. Babes, I don’t think it was a love story at all. Koschei and Marya get married, this is true. Marriage is not a love story. Besides marriage in this book happens between any number of people, objects, and creatures. For all that marriage is discussed, there are almost no weddings. The sheer number of situations described as marriage, for me, diluted what we mean as marriage. Many are not monogamous, or based on courtship, or lasting. They are what marriage often is: a partnership or a commitment made formal. In our world, people are married to people, to ideals, to jobs and this book takes that use of the word and makes it literal.

This book, more than anything, uses fairytale tropes and language to examine the development and disappearance of cultural narratives. It adheres to the rule of threes, includes magical helpers, and transformation to do this. It is strange, then, that Koschei and Marya, and frankly, Marya and Ivan, do not share many traditional romantic moments or moments that build or deepen their characters beyond the roles in the narrative that they are destined to play. Instead of beauty (though it’s mentioned), or charm, or bravery, power is what binds each point of the love triangle together. Who has power? Who doesn’t?

The characters talk of love but with their “love interests”, more often than not they talk about desire or wanting or submission. Marya loves her friends, Marya desires Koschei. Marya loves her home, Marya desires Ivan. I heard Marta’s relationship to Ivan described as instalove…but it’s not, not really, it’s acknowledging explicitly that the plot has to move forward, regardless of Marya’s devotion to Koschei. But again, fundamentally, Marya goes with Ivan to pursue dominance.

Koschei grooms and abducts Marya. Marya forces Ivan to submit. Marya chains Koschei. All these power dynamics shift and change throughout the story, rarely finding balance.

The network of relationships in Deathless is symbolic; the commitment that each character demonstrates to any other character is symbolic; any marriage that takes place is symbolic. Each element of what each character represents changes in each relationship. Koschei is life, he is wealth, he is Tsarist Russia, he is devilry. Ivan is life, too, he is poverty, he is Communism, he is humanity. Marya is the Every Man caught between these choices. Marya doesn’t leave Koschei for lack of love but to commit to a new thematic element because they are all, ultimately, powerless against the narrative.

What this did for me was create a huge sense of how meta this book was: it’s a story about stories, a narrative about being trapped inside a narrative, a legend about the destruction of legend. It also highlighted how political identities, politicized power can be mapped in our most intimate relationships. I think the radfem ideas of sex are stupid and the kink shaming I saw in response to this book was gross, but, as a storytelling device I thought the use of sexual dynamics and BDSM-style power exchanges were effective in communicating the tensions between each character and what they symbolizes and the heavy sexual charge inherent to nearly all the relationships made the point that all these choices—who do you support, who holds power—very intimate.

I guess this is the place to talk about the kink shaming in response to this book because it really bothered me. I want to get to a place in this world where sexual fluidity and sexual expression can be used without it being criticized for being disgusting or salacious or gratuitous. Sometimes it is those things! Sometimes the way things are portrayed are inaccurate or wrong! But, there is something within me, as a bisexual person, that feels extremely protective of any sort of sexual fluidity, including kink. And here, having power dynamics explored—maybe not in a healthy way for real life but in a narratively legitimate way—felt important to me. The fact that Koschei spanking her over a table is maybe arousing or maybe is a cold shower to someone is irrelevant to whether it makes sense. And I thought it made sense.

2. Everything is Black and White.

I mean…kind of the point?! I mean give the author an iota of credit. Seriously, though, the whole point is the duality, the places where the binary crosses.

Viy and Koschei.

Koschei and Ivan.

Communism and Monarchy.

Death and Life.

Dominant and Submissive.

Marya is the one who goes back and forth, bisexually fluid, chasing freedom. For Marya, freedom and agency comes in submission, it comes in dominance, it comes in home, it comes in leaving. As the definition of what her agency looks like changes, so does her story.

This is also why the Yaichka sequence is important. It is the only time in the book when all the elects come into balance. There is sharing and community support with the inclusion of personal property and identity. This is the only time when Marya and Koschei’s relationship looks like a marriage or reads like a love story. The rural idyll is due to the ceasing of narrative warfare and the balance of political systems means that all can live in harmony and not incentivize the violent tendencies of a Stalin or resist the evils of a Rasputin. It is a world left unpoisoned and it is where Koschei and Marya can exist outside the entrapments of the narrative system.

3. It’s not Historically Accurate

These types of comments make me feel like I am being divinely punished for getting a degree in History. A man turns into a bird, there’s a dragon, like I just—I swear to God, this is the source of 50% of my migraines. This is lumped in with people saying that the various creatures that Marya encounters along the way wouldn’t have spouted Communist slogans…which is a take that I don’t think fully appreciates the drama and abruptness of the Communists’ rise to power in the 1910s.

I do think it is fair to consider the way CV uses history in this book, especially as an American writing about Russia. I think an argument could be made that using the siege of Leningrad as a backdrop for your experimental fiction is maybe not in good taste? It depends on the quality of the work and I think there is room to debate if CV was successful enough in the the power of her book to justify the usage of a genocide as the stage for her fairytale even if that fairytale is a political one. Frankly, it all feels trite in light of the war against Ukraine.

Overall, I thought that the blending of Soviet history and symbolism within a mythological context worked really well but, during the description of siege itself, I had that pricking at the back of neck that I feel whenever people talk about the animated film Anastasia: Historical tragedy is not your playground. There is something that makes me profoundly uncomfortable at the notion that the deadliest siege in world history was the result of the Tsar of Life willfully staying in a basement at the eroticized behest of his wife.

I’m still working out what I think about this section and the way it made me feel. It’s hard because Leningrad was a German offensive; Russia was undoubtedly a victim and not because of Communism. It takes the discussion of power beyond Russia’s borders. This is where CV’s metaphors become too unwieldy to really carry through, I think, and when the book overextends its purpose. It is at its most successful when confined to talking about the dramatic shift from monarchy to communism and the inherent inequalities and cruelties in both governments…blowing it up to the complexity of all the different varieties of totalitarianism in all the different European states confused it a little.

Additionally, the Tsar of Death triumphing in the end—I guess, this is another thing I am working out in my mind. I suppose this is because as the timeline moves into the latter half of the 20th Century, into the nuclear age and age of genocide, into the cementing of a Stalinist Russia as a world power that this is true. I suppose I struggle to think of an alternative? The war between death and life seems doomed when framed within the context of WWII…if the alternative is a Third Reich that stretched the length of continental Europe. Unless, she’s talking about the death of traditional Russian culture?! I need to muse on this more.

Whatever it is, I think this plays into a larger discussion about how Americans write and conceptualize Russia and Russian history and culture.

4. The language the writing the prose as purple as a violet on a mountainside

Yeah, I mean, I get it. The language is going to be to your taste or not to your taste. I wish people would think about why authors write the way they do. The artificiality of the language sets this up as a fairytale, as a structure. The over abundance of metaphors implies that nothing is as it seems, that things look different at different angles. And I—I don’t think she’s showing off? Maybe that’s being too kind but choosing a writing style so specific is a thoughtful decision and a commitment. In really good books, form follows function and that’s what keeps a bold style choice like this from being a gimmick.

I think that’s it for now! I really enjoyed it and it certainly was the weirdness that I crave at this time of year!!!

#deathless #cathrynne m valente

[tbuddahh]

She’s the woman in his ear, his guardian angel, a savior to his soul.

He’s never met her, has no idea if she’s blonde or brunette, beautiful or plain, but it doesn’t really matter because with each passing encounter, each successful mission he finds himself dreaming of this woman.

She’s faceless. A ghostly silhouette, but her voice rings clear, and he can actually feel the caress of her hand. Then she’s gone, and he wakes up with a faded glimpse of what his mind’s eye has created, a blurry haze just out of reach.

Every morning the same. Everyday he wakes from a world where he can almost touch her, a place where she’s just a breath away from tangible, and it would be miserable - facing the waking world without her - but then he doesn’t have to. Not completely.

He makes it to his office just after eight in the morning, sips at an extra hot double espresso while sinking a small speaker into his ear, and he can’t hide the smile in his voice, doesn’t even try to mask the the way his lips curve when he hears her.

“Good morning, Agent Locksley.” Her voice is one of pure velvet and honey, deep and warm in a way that makes him want to curl up and never stop listening. “I trust you slept well.”

“As always, Regina. And you?”

This is their routine, their everyday ritual before more important tasks beckon, and he cherishes the few minutes he has to actually hear her. This short span of back and forth that allows a little of Regina the woman to shine through the strict business that replaces her. She’s an excellent agent, one of the best, and he doesn’t know why she isn’t in the field. She’s never shared what he would like to know, never confided in him with any personal information beyond her name, but he keeps trying. He can’t help himself.

“Quite well. Thank you. Now-”

“Let me guess.” He interrupts. She hates when he interrupts. “You spent the evening curled up with a good book? Or perhaps you went out with friends? A boyfriend?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” He can hear the smirk behind her words, the grin that so quickly disappears, her manner shifting to business in an instant. “Are you ready for your mission coordinates?”

He sighs. It’s the same old dance, and he never seems to get any closer to her for all his effort, but something tells him she’s worth it, and even if she weren’t he doesn’t think it would matter. He wants to know her.

“Yes, Regina.”

“It’s Agent Mills, Locksley. Now head to the coordinates I’m sending through now.”

His watch beeps. A quick glance down and he’s swigging down his last sip of espresso before heading through the door.

“Your glasses.” She reminds, and she must get frustrated being behind the scenes, unable to see until he allows, but if she does it never shows, never sounds in her voice. Well, that’s not entirely true. Sometimes he can easily hear the frustration tainting a thinly veiled insult thrown his way, but that’s only frustration with him, irritation at the way he seems to push all her buttons, and whether or not she admits, he thinks she likes the way he challenges her.

“Of course,” he slips the frames over his eyes, nonchalantly powering on the internal camera, “wouldn’t want to head in blind.”

“Wouldn’t want to head in talking to yourself either, Locksley. Now shut up and listen to your assignment. This is strictly intel. You will enter a tiny cafe to your right off of 23rd Street. Inside you’ll find Zelena Polachek, daughter of suspected terrorist Petrov Polachek. Tail her. Due to an informant we think she might lead us to her father. Do not under any circumstances make contact. Do you understand, Locksley?”

He clears his throat once, a simple signal that works well between the two of them.

“Good. I’ve got your back.”

He bites his lip to hold back the smile that’s fighting to surface, and he settles back into silence of his own mind. Another chirp from his watch has him staring at his wrist, a grainy picture of Zelena Polachek lighting the small screen.

“That’s your target. She should be entering the cafe approximately three minutes after you arrive then-”

Robin nearly topples over when he collides with another body, and he can only roll his eyes and bite his tongue at Regina’s unamused response.

“Well done, Agent. I’m sure you’ll be very inconspicuous with a gallon of coffee staining your jacket.”

He’s just now beginning to feel the burn of the liquid soaking through his clothing and hear the mutterings of apology from a woman he seems to be bracing with both palms.

“I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he assures, releasing the woman’s arms now that they both seem to be on steady footing, and it takes him another second of staring down at the coffee soaking into the gray of his jacket before he lifts his eyes to find a quite lovely looking redhead he recognizes.

Regina must identify the woman at the same moment, her voice stern in his ear not a second later, “Abort mission, Locksley. Abort.”

He ignores her, smiles politely at the object of his mission across from him before saying, “It was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention.”

She grins in response, takes a step closer, concern lilting her voice when she asks, “Are you sure you’re alright? It was quite hot.”

“More of a burnt ego than burnt skin. I’ll recover,” he pauses, observes, and he knows Regina will have him deaf for this in a few moments, but he can’t let this opportunity pass, “but at least let me buy you another.”

The redhead laughs, more of a cackle really, and it rubs him the wrong way, but she’s flirting, she’s receptive, and-

“What the hell are you doing, Locksley? Abort now!”

“I don’t see how I could let you buy me another coffee if you won’t let me replace your jacket.” Her manicured nails reach out, coast from his shoulder down to the brown marring the fabric.

“Ugh. What a sorry attempt to get you to remove your clothing. Do you hear me, Locksley? Abort this mission. You were not to make contact with the target. Abort.”

He swiftly removes his jacket, folding it over his left forearm while offering the woman his right, and he does his best not to wince at the not so beautiful voice berating in his ear while the redhead introduces herself, “I’m Zelena.”

It hadn’t been a mistake, not in the end, because after a miserably boring impromptu coffee date with Zelena he has a way in, a way to get to Petrov. She’d taken him shopping as promised afterward, but he’d refused to allow her to purchase his jacket, had instead insisted she honor him with lunch and an afternoon stroll to which she’d excitedly agreed.

He almost regrets turning off his ear piece, but how could he carry on a conversation with the self-centered redhead with Regina’s angry voice spouting in his brain the entire time. He’d left on the video and mic feed, had remained in visual contact with the agency the entire time. Even now, as he casually strolls back to his apartment, dusk just beginning to paint the sky a dark blue, he still wears the glasses, still allows Regina her view.

He twirls his keys as he walks, takes the steps up to his building leisurely, not a care in the world, but really he’s postponing the inevitable, procrastinating, because he knows as soon as he steps into the comfort of his own space he’ll have to contact the agency. He’ll have to contact her.

He stands by his decision, mentally working his argument through his mind as he turns the key and steps through the door, but the next thing he feels is a hard shove to his back, a hand gripping tightly and lurching his arm back and back until he knows from experience his shoulder is nearly ready to burst from the socket. He calculates, contemplates, catalogs each weapon he’s carrying and how long it would take to reach his gun. His attacker is small. Fast and agile it seems, but shorter than him, and strong but not overly so.

Robin chances it, thrusts his other arm back, his elbow landing squarely into the solid body behind him, and at the sound of a low grunt he turns, manages to reach down and grab his assailant’s leg flipping them to the floor. He spins, faces them while pulling his gun, but he wasn’t entirely prepared for the beautiful brunette that stares up at him, or for the contempt coloring her face. He’s not certain what he did to earn that particular level of emotion from her, that is, until she opens her mouth.

“What were you thinking, Locksley?”

He’d recognize that voice anywhere. The husky undertone, smooth and warm, and his shock is enough of a distraction for her foot to lift, a stiletto lodging itself up against his inner thigh sending a shooting pain up through his groin.

He doubles over, and she rises, shades of black moving gracefully as if she hadn’t just been lying on the floor. It reminds him of his dreams. She reminds him of his dreams. Dreams of her, a faceless and dark silhouette moving like a dance, but she’s more than he could have ever imagined. Her hair is a dark chocolate and it flows down to her shoulders, smooth and soft and he swears it looks like not a piece could ever fall out of place. He wants desperately to touch it.

And then there’s her eyes, and her face, and vivid red lips, and oh how he wishes that mouth was smiling, how he wants to see her smile, wants to hear her laugh and actually get to see the picture of it happening rather than some poor imitation his mind conjures.

“Well?” She interrupts his examination, hands settling on her hips as he meets her eyes and rises to a stand, “Answer me! What were you thinking?”

Each word is punctuated, spoken as if to an ignoramus rather than a peer, and suddenly Robin can’t help but answer her wrath with his own.

“Are you serious right now?” He asks and her brow lifts, her chin tilting down slightly. He wants to memorize every movement. “What were you thinking attacking me?”

She steps closer, and he can’t stop his eyes from shifting down and back up, watching the way she moves, the shifts and bends of her body so easily discerned beneath the tight black fabric of her dress, the deep v that gives him a hint of what’s below, and she is stunning. Truly and incontrovertibly exquisite.

She's close, so close when she whispers, “If I had "attacked" you, you wouldn't be standing." She shifts back, further away, her arms crossing her chest, "For all I’d known you could have gone rogue. You did cut my communication.”

He steps into her, leaves hardly an inch of space, and she smells like vanilla and spices with a hint of something floral but exotic. His own frustration fizzles as she glares into his eyes because he knows her whether or not she likes to admit it. He’s spent day after day with her in his brain over the last three years, and right now she’s angry, down right pissed, but there is an edge to her voice, something niggling on worry rather than indignation.

“Regina, I’m fine. I continued the video and mic feed, but I couldn’t continue audio with you shouting obscenities into my ear.”

“Obscenities? Obscenities like abort mission? Like that? What was so difficult to understand, Locksley? You could have gotten yourself killed!” She’s fiery, brown eyes flashing, eye brows furrowing, and he loves it all, loves the fact that he can finally witness the way her lips move and form around her words.

“But I didn’t.” He sighs lifting his hands to grip lightly at her shoulders. She’s shorter than he’d expected, and that’s with the heel he’d so recently felt the length of stabbing into his thigh.

She breathes deep, her chest rising and falling in something resembling relief when she states, “No, you didn’t.”

She softens under his touch in a way he hadn’t quite expected and for a moment the oddness of the situation hits him. He’s never met this woman, never laid eyes upon her face, but she’s been the one constant over the last few years, the one voice of reason through everything.

He isn’t certain how long they stay like that, but eventually she stiffens again, her back straightens and her demeanor changes. She turns away then, takes a step toward the door and for a terrifying instant he thinks she’ll leave, but she shifts back, narrows her eyes in scrutiny of him and says, “The agency sent me. They are changing your mission.”

He’d figured as much, had assumed once the agency saw the connection he’d made with Zelena they wouldn’t pass up the chance for an operative to infiltrate one of the largest suspected terrorist rings in the region, but that still doesn’t explain why Regina is here, why they sent her personally.

“And why send you?”

She scoffs, rolls her eyes before walking past him, and for an instant he wonders if he should follow her as she moves through his home like it’s her own, but then he thinks he’d follow her just about anywhere. She heads to the den, pours two lowball whiskey neats before handing him one as she settles into the chaise at the corner of the room.

“I wasn’t always a shelved agent, Locksley.” She sips, red staining the transparency of her glass. “The agency sent me as your backup.”

“Backup? I’ve never needed backup. I can handle myself on a mission.” And it’s true. He works alone. He’s always worked alone. Well, with one exception - Regina is always there in his head. She is his exception, she has always been along for every mission, so why send her here in person? Why put her in needless danger?

“Really?” She questions, brows shooting up, and he wonders if she’s always so expressive, if this is what he’s been missing out on for so long. “Like when you neglected to follow direct orders to abort mission not six hours ago?”

She has him there. He certainly broke from protocol when he took this mission into his own hands. Of course they’d want to send in a babysitter, someone to infiltrate the organization along side him, but it still doesn’t explain why they sent her.

“Why you then?” He asks, and Regina blinks, brown eyes dropping for a second before settling back to his face.

“Why not?” She shrugs, swirls her drink, and he’s hurt her. He can see it behind her carefully guarded mask.

He’s unintentionally insulted her by implying that she is a poor choice for the mission, but that’s not what he’d intended so he moves to the chaise, settling down beside her when he continues with, “We work well together. At least, I think we work well together.”

She seems to understand then, her expression a dawning realization that he doesn’t like the idea of going into this mission without her in his ear. “And we’ll still be working together. I’ll infiltrate the organization along with you rather than inside your ear.”

She smiles, and he loves it, can’t help but stare until she clears her throat and takes another sip from her glass.

He nods, swigs down a bit of his own drink to mask the concern that has no place clawing at his features, but he still can’t quite wrap his mind around this decision. “But why put you back in the field? Why not send someone else?”

She sighs, exasperation painting her cheeks a warm tint of red, and her body tenses a bit at his question. “It was my choice to leave the field.” She’s downs the last remaining liquid in her glass and places it firmly on the end table beside her before finishing with, “And it was my choice to come here.”

She stands then, meticulously smoothing out creases in her dress with perfectly manicured hands. “Now, if you’re quite finished,” she gestures toward his whiskey which he gulps down before rising himself, “let’s get down to business.”

#oqff #oq ff #outlaw queen fanfiction #outlaw queen #alternate universe #fanfiction #fanfic #ouat #ouat au #otp

[diariesof-kg]

7_13_23

Not sure exactly what to say. I really miss my mom. The interesting thing I love and allows me to feel somewhat 'okay' is speaking about her as if she still is living. I know it can be uncomfortable for others, because what do you say to someone who is mourning. I appreciate those who allow me that space. I appreciate my one friend who reaches out every month checking to see if I'm okay. It's about to be seven months, every day it really feels unreal. She visits me a lot in my dreams, I guess. I think that emotionally makes it even worse. We went to Costco together and it was bittersweet until the end. I feel like people think because its been months that you are okay. I am grateful for my friends that don't feel no way about my absence. When I just need a moment, whether that's days or weeks. I sometimes feel bad that I can't give what I would normally give. That I can't support the way I use to. My heart really has a hole in it. I am already thinking ahead about Thanksgiving and Christmas. Trying to figure out how I will survive it. I asked my best friend if I could possibly come to her and her girlfriend's family house. My sister will be in town so I am unsure of the arrangements. I never knew what loneliness felt like until now. I understand when my sister does what she does to not be sucked in by the silence and the darkness.

My friend from New Orleans called early morning and honestly I didn't mind it. She always calls when I disappear for too long. I enjoy the early morning texts, the calls in general, it warms the soul to be honest, no matter who it comes from. I told my other best friend, I dislike my life its very routine. Waking up everyday same time, doing the same thing with no type of human interaction is detrimental. Humans are dysfunctional to me, but are needed. Humans lack a lot of emotions due to trauma, but I don't mind it. I think parts of me wants to get out and scream. Parts of me wants to meet new people and parts of me don't. I am always blamed for so much that isn't even my fault and that makes me want to void human life. I have missed calls that I need to actually callback, but it stresses me out to even be on the phone. I want to get back on social media, but I always have to explain myself and knowingly I don't owe anyone anything, it still feels like I do. I have canceled plans with people, because I become overwhelmed and I don't understand where it comes from. I still feel numb I guess? Maybe I've healed so much that I am broken now? That questions still remains the same. I reopened a website to try to join groups of individuals that are likeminded. They have this whole retreat for lesbians around Labor Day for less than $500. Black women who love women. At this point, I am like this is what I need a moment to get away, but then I don't trust anyone watching my brother, so I feel trapped. It's doable I suppose. I do have my fellow Capricorn who literally would help me out. I love us. Always down to assist. It's a thought. I mean what am I going to do on Labor Day weekend? I checked the calendar and I know my work is already closed and filled.

I definitely don't like latching on to people just because of loneliness and being sad, that's more harm than good in my eyes. I do appreciate my friend inviting me over for taco Tuesday a couple of weeks ago, just because, she lost her dad and she knows what it is like. Same with my other friend down the street losing her mother, always inviting me for some wine and food. To be honest I love that. Checking in and inviting you to their home, people don't realize how smalls gestures and thoughts carry in someone's life. Thankful they don't have their DND on all day, unlike a fake friend I had. Same with my best friend girlfriend inviting me over just for movie night. They understand being in this house is traumatizing. Bringing me into their space with all the positive energies is different. I just started crying ....I am grateful for them. I know my sister barely knows anyone out there except one and doesn't like staying at her place. it's still fresh wounds. I honestly hate living here. Lol, every time I come home I look at the front and just scream inside. I am grateful for my mom making sure her children were straight. I have a whole house. Lol, and a car basically for free. Lol, the sarcasm to keep from crying. Tomorrow is Friday thank God, hopefully I can get out and about. I really want to go visit mom, but I don't want to go alone. I have my brother but it still feels alone. I feel like I want to go and start digging, Lol, because this is some sort of dimensional that has been distorted and it's a dream that I am living, but the dreams are actually reality. Imagine having a conversation with someone who mind is small, about the abstracts of reality. Phew... scary.

I am a late night conversationalist. I speak of things that would question your subconscious. Make you question so many things. I enjoy in depth conversations, because it shows how far a human mind can go. Nothing has to make sense in those conversations and I love that. It's like being excited about random shit that has been floating in your mind and saying it without being judged. That's who I am. I do want to go back to social media but for some reason it stresses me out. I think it actually creates toxins in the mind. It's drama and chaos and I don't have that in my life so I am unable to relate. Maybe I will stick to Snapchat and Twitter? As soon as people wake up, they grab their phones. I actually text everyone Goodmorning... That's actually a great discussion to have among those that don't crave social media. Everyone who does that are like distorted humans that can't function. If I posted this on Snapchat I would start a riot. Some people post on social media and that's great, others get on there and become robotic and scroll and scroll. When I did get on there after acknowledging actually humans I know, I'd scroll for less a minute than get off, then everyone sends me posts and it felt overwhelming, because it was DMs after DMs and videos after videos and I felt overloaded. I'd real life stress about opening a DM and there were over 10 videos. It's too much, I'd reply to a DM then pray they don't respond, because I'd have to respond. It's mentally painful.

Speaking of social media caused me to panic and wanting to disappear again It's real life toxic. But bless the devious souls who are able to stand it. Maybe I should start to go on retreats? I love nature and have been in it a couple of times to admire its beauty without the toxins of cellular transmitting. I think a part of me is like, okay, if I go on this black queer women's retreat, the compliments of "you look younger" has got to stop. That also makes me not want to go, I appreciate it, but it be annoying in reality. They have a queer cruise too. I need to figure out what is happening to my outgoing personality. It's like I want to go outside and be with the humans, but I also want to be a hermit crab. There are some LGBTQ outings coming up, I just have to stop making excuses for why I can not. And why I should. And maybe meeting new people, I will impact their life, bringing something that they needed. I also need to help the homeless like I did previously.

To end this post; unfamiliar numbers call as well as private. I can only think of two people at this time. I don't even have the energy or curiosity to know what they want. Yall all of a sudden want to be with me huh, Lol. Why people set themselves up for failure will always be a mystery to me. If I did a podcast I'd provide some sort of insight to be a better person for yourself and your future partner. We all have flaws, because well humans are trial and errors of the world, but they don't define a person's identity. I remember giving this chick advice on bettering herself for some girl she liked, then in the process had the audacity to have a crush on me, like no ma'am stay focused. Spirituality has done a lot for me and that would be my focus. Manifesting and really having intentions gets you what you desire. See humans, desire things on the ideals of trauma and hurt and not on the ideals of healed and ready. Lol, I just be saying shit that feels like butter. But on the real, it's true. I come healed and ready and open to receiving. I don't hide things from the person I am dating. I've been hurt and cautious but also very open to receiving, see how I mentioned that twice. I hear people say, "i will never do that again..because of what happened last time." I understand that fully. Fear of receiving the same results and fear of feeling those don't feel good emotions, but that actually hinders you. But I guess that's what makes me a catch to some. Listen, I've been hurt and screwed over, but I am still going to show up with flowers randomly, write love notes, ask to see you, ask questions, etc., even though in the past I've been rejected or shit hit the fan when I did gestures. You know why, because the person I am dating is not the past and doesn't deserve someone else's pain. Might need to read that again. I won't express my emotions because of this and that. Honey, I've been rejected for expressing my emotions, but no one and nothing is going to stop me from still being who I am. I am on the wrong planet, right? Lol, wrong dimension, wrong universe, wrong vessel? So when I hear things, I think so ...I have to be punished for someone else's doing or even your own doing. And most people, get it, but by then Im uninterested. Hence the thirty day rule.

-----

[shiningstarlight]

.

#rant #personal #sorry if I hardly ever reply to things lately #I wake up everyday and get to see whether I want to disappear or not and try to act towards it #I hate when it gets hard and I feel guilty because someone has it worse #I feel so useless and powerless... I hope everything goes well #I am just a little bit tired of life after these past two years I guess

[thatgoblin]

RE Boys x Sappy Reader Headcannons

Carlos

He's a softy himself, so any emotion isn't foreign to him.

Being sappy with him isn't an everyday thing, but when it comes to shows or movies about a dead parent and the kid not understanding their parental figure is dead or gone, you are beside yourself.

"But Simba doesn't understand!" You cried, leaning into Carlos as you watched the movie. Why had you picked out this one? You knew it was emotional, but Carlos said he'd never seen it and you wanted to share it with him. You forgot about this part in the head of wanting him to witness Timone and Pumba.

"I know, baby," Carlos said, holding you close under the throw blanket you were sharing. You weren't looking at him, but you could hear the small sniffle that came from him as Simba kept trying to wake his dad up, begging him to get up and go home. It was when Simba was trying to even lift him up that you lost it, burying your face into Carlos' chest to cry as he pressed his face to the top of your head.

That wasn't the first or last time you were emotional over something and Carlos had the same reaction. Anything with family, like that damn Christmas Folgers commercial had the two of you clinging to one other as he tried to keep a stiff upper lip as you blubbered about the song coming home as a surprise.

'Land Before Time' was not allowed to be played unless you both consented to being sobbing messes for the evening.

Forget 'Homeward Bound'. You couldn't handle the fact that the older dog got stuck in the pit even though he made it out.

Every time you were weepy over any movie or show or commercial or even a Hallmark card, Carlos was with you to comfort and hold you and shed his own tears over imaginary stories.

Chris

He's a quiet guy, pretty straightforward and not too emotional. While he's not uncaring or 'too manly' for softer things, he doesn't exactly show the whole range of expressions that some people do. But he tries to help as best he can. Usually in the same way a cowboy would handle a spooked horse.

So when you started to get teary eyed over a baby duck on its own, he was ready to help.

"Its all by itself and it's quacking for its family," you whimpered as you tried to guide it back towards the pond as Chris watched. "I gotta help it find its family, Chris."

"I don't think its family is around here, babe," Chris said as he looked around, keeping you in front of him. It wouldn't be the first time you disappeared trying to help a lost animal or child.

"But we have to help it, we can't just leave it," you said, looking up at him with those big, watery eyes that made him melt every time.

"Alright, let's look around to see if we see any other ducks have babies here," he said with a sigh as he herded you as you herded the baby duck back to the water.

A few minutes later of searching and a family of ducks appeared from behind some cattails in the pond.

"There they were little buddy," you cooed as you ushered the duckling over to the others. The mother duck was quickly accepting of the baby as it joined the others to swim off into the water.

"We saved the baby," you said with a smile. "Thank you for helping." You wrapped your arms around him tightly, sniffling at the reunion of baby and mama.

"You're welcome, babe," he said with a soft chuckle, holding you close.

Leon

It's not that he's not emotional or doesn't know how to handle emotions from others.

But Leon is bad with emotions.

Whether it's from genuinely being bad with comforting or the years of horror that he's witnessed, Leon can be a bit slow on the up take.

He watches this show with you every week, it's the one thing you asked for as a sort of date night and he couldn't tell you no. 'Once Upon A Time.' It's fairy tales turned into some sort of soap opera type drama. All he knows is that you love it and keep up with it. Leon is kind lost on what's happening most of the time, but he tries at least.

That particular episode was about the Mad Hatter and how he became the Mad Hatter. Leon was able to get that much information before he zoned out and when he zoned back in, he felt you shaking against him as the character was screaming on screen as two people jumped through a mirror?

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked softly, looking from you to the TV. Your eyes were filled with tears and at first he thought something bad had happened, but you were staring at the TV.

"The Evil Queen just tricked Jefferson into leaving his daughter all alone. She's never going to know what happened to her daddy," you said, sniffling as you wiped the tears from your face.

"Oh," he said, his brain working fast to try and decipher what that meant for you.

"She's an orphan, Leon," you cried, pointing to Jefferson on the show as he literally lost his head to the Queen of Hearts. "He's trying so hard to fix things so he can get his little girl back, but he can't. He's trapped in that curse knowing she's living a life of love and happiness without ever knowing he exists. Isn't that awful?"

It did sound really crappy.

"Well, maybe in the next few episodes he gets her back," Leon suggested, trying to at least help you stop crying. If you were sad about something like work or him leaving, that was easy to fix. But he had no clue how to handle TV emotions other than hugging you close. "I mean it's just a TV show. They write it to be sappy on purpose."

"That's not the point Leon!" You said, slapping his thigh, making him yelp. "It's sad so I'm sad!"

"Well, how do I make you unsad than?" He asked, shifting to make sure you wouldn't hit anything valuable if you struck again.

"I don't know, but I feel so bad for him!"

Leon was going to write ABC a sternly lettered word about how this TV show was written.

#resident evil #leon kennedy #carlos oliveira #chris redfield #leon kennedy x reader #carlos oliveira x reader #chris redfield x reader

[yanbub]

s/o who went MIA but returns

diluc, kaeya, and zhongli x gn!reader

hcs, sfw, hurt/comfort (?), cw: injuries + blood, 915 words

reblog sjksdjdsjdsfk yeah

note: if you were wondering, MIA means missing in action :) anyways i just realized that june is gonna be so busy,,, i have so many birthdays to celebrate and not to mention the 1.6 update at june 8 .... man this month is filling up my schedule. unedited again lmao

diluc ;

he panics. you were supposed to be back 3 hours ago - so where were you now? as time passes away, diluc’s anxiety gets worse. what if you got hurt? were you alright? or were you dead? the second that thought went into his head, diluc shook himself. it’s best not to assume things - maybe you’ll just come home later than usual. diluc waited for hours. he even fell asleep while waiting for you. he’s hoping that when he wakes up, he gets to see that smile of yours that greets him everyday.

however, you never did. as days turned into weeks, diluc was starting to give up. and when a full month passed by, maybe it was time to give up. diluc accepted the fact that you wouldn’t return to him - although it may still be hard for him to get used to the empty space next to him on your (used to be) shared bed.

one day however, a knock came at his door. knowing that the maids are quite busy for the day, he answered it. there you were, all bruised and limp at the doorstep. diluc couldn’t pause right now - he had to take care of your bruises first. when that was taken care of, diluc didn’t ask questions that much. just the simple “how are you now?” or the “where were you?” was all he asked. he didn’t want to pry any further since it might make you uncomfortable but he’s glad that you’re back.

zhongli ;

he didn’t mind it at first since he knows that you end your work at the guild quite late. but you being missing for a week? now that worries him. he hadn’t heard from you at all and he even stopped by the guild to know what happened - to his dismay, they also had no news about your whereabouts. maybe you just got lost? that surely must’ve been it, right? he didn’t want for the negativity inside his mind to take over since he knows that wouldn’t help.

soon after, a month passed. no news nor sights about you. did you move to another nation while you were gone? unless… you possibly- no. it couldn’t be. you weren’t dead, right? zhongli was debating whether he should give up or not - was a month really enough for him to go back and accept you were gone?

in the end, zhongli did give up. but he couldn’t bear seeing the empty seat across from him at your small dining table. even hu tao was devastated when zhongli said that he’s given up. whenever zhongli was taking care of other matters, you usually killed time with hu tao, hearing her recite her pieces that she’s made every now and then. you had quite the relationship with his boss.

one night though, a knock came at the funeral parlor. hu tao excitedly opens the door, hoping that it would be a new client for their business until she got met by your injured figure. she immediately called for zhongli and he rushed towards you, carrying you inside. he and hu tao managed to stitch up your wounds but you were still lying unconscious.

both of them were relieved (and grateful) that you were alive - however, maybe it’s best for you to rest before telling them what happened to you.

kaeya ;

kaeya immediately sets up a search party for you. he’s aware of how your job at the guild usually ends early but it was already midnight - the beginning of the dark hours of a day. his concern for your whereabouts was growing more than ever. but even so, his search party didn’t manage to get any clues. it’s as if you vanished so randomly without a trace, not wanting them to follow you.

hours, days, weeks. all of them passed but still there weren't any leads. just what happened to you - kaeya wondered. did he do something? he doesn't recall upsetting you before your disappearance. in fact, both of you were doing well - holding hands, kissing, the usual. so why? why were you suddenly gone?

a month went by and nothing. even jean and amber (who kaeya asked for help for) had started to give up on your case. kaeya didn’t want to do the same. but he was tired. tired from all the searching even when he knows that he wouldn’t find anything as a clue. tired from hoping that maybe, you were still out there - playing hard to get.

kaeya was a wreck. he didn’t go to work much (to which jean gave him permission, knowing of your relationship with him), he didn’t even go outside that much either. he was a mess, occasionally drinking his problems away in the corner of diluc’s tavern. he wasn’t acting like kaeya at all.

one day however, kaeya decided to finally focus on himself. he couldn’t live like this anymore - it’s best that he should start moving on, no? he started doing some patrols around the city, greeting the residents and shop owners as he passed by them. and that was when he saw you, dragging yourself critically injured towards the entrance gate of mondstadt. was it really you?

running (sprinting even) towards you, kaeya managed to catch you before your body and consciousness gave up on you. you were alive! he was so glad but what happened to you? ah wait, he should get you some help first - and once you’re awake you’ll have some explaining to do.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin x reader #diluc x reader #kaeya x reader #zhongli x reader #i accidentally played favorites with kaeya n zhongli oops #and it rlly shows that i didn't know what to write for diluc LMFDHSDF #THIS WAS LONGER THAN EXPECTED IM??? #I WAS EXPECTING FOR IT TO BE LIKE #300 WORDS BUT MY FINGERS SAID NO AND KEPT TYPING SDJHSDUDFFD

[suguruverse]

hi angel! i recently read your “being best friends with oikawa and iwaizumi” and i was wondering if you could do one for kuroo and kenma? thanks in advance, i love ur blog !!🥺

— BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH KUROO AND KENMA

includes - kuroo tetsurou and kozume kenma

a/n - hi my love!! thank you so much for this request <33 i hope you like it!! also two post in one day who tf am i 

published date - 21/03/21

- i swear you and kenma bout to make kuroo feel like a single dad to 2 kids

- Mr. kuroo is def the type to bring extra water bottles and lunches for you and kenma

- he texts the gc every morning and night to ask if you and kenma has eaten breakfast, dinner or drank any water

- both of these men keep and hoodie or sweatshirt in their locker and bag, just in case you need one

- you guys take the train together when going to school and back and kuroo always sits in the middle to let you and kenma rest on his big shoulders 

- cuddling with kenma when you’ve had a bad day

- you’re normally buried into his chest and his arms go over your shoulders to he can keep playing games and give you little head pats every 4 minutes

- sometimes when you just wanna have a chill day with kenma without kuroo, he will burst in kenma’s room and start yelling about how he demands to be more loved in the friendship

- you and kuroo have roasting battles all day everyday

- even if kenma is more reserved and distant than kuroo, that doesn’t mean that he won’t pick up your call at 3am because you couldn’t sleep, because he will

- they are the kings of giving head pats

- kenma cares and worries about you in a very silent way, so silent that you may not even realise, but he cares about you more than anyone

- the sleepovers are terrible and ill tell you why

- first because kenma doesn’t even sleep, he plays all night and doesn’t stop until you curl up next to him and snatch the game away

- secondly, kuroo snores, kicks, and talks so much in his sleep that you want to hit him every time

- one time you tried to cuddle him because you were cold and he full on kicked you in the stomach and it hurt so bad that you cried

- kenma just watched you kick around in pain, not really knowing what to do, so he slapped kuroo in the face to wake him up to deal with you

- you didn’t talk to kuroo for like a week

- when you guys hang out, it’s normally at someone’s house since kenma isn’t too fond of crowds

- but if you guys happen to go shopping or to the movies, kenma is the type of person to grab onto the hem of your shirt or sleeve so he doesn’t lose you

- but one time kenma disappeared into a gaming store and didn’t tell you or kuroo so ya’ll had to make an announcement for you and kuroo’s “baby”

- kenma was not amused

- copying of kuroo’s homework is more common than you think

- ya’ll literally don’t have any other friends except for the people on the volleyball team

- one time you complained to them that you wanted more girl friends and they laughed in your face

- i feel like kenma can’t really sleep without hearing you or kuroo’s voice so you guys always facetime before bed

- and if you can sing, kenma ‘forced’ you to sing a song/lullaby for him to sleep to

- kuroo also has moods were he HAS to see you and kenma like at all costs because he starts to get a little anxious without either one of you with him

- kuroo also has the habit to run up to you, pick you up and swing you around in a tight hug whenever he sees you

- you HAVE to go to their games. it’s basically a rule

- kenma acts like he doesn’t care whether or not you come to their games but he always tries a little bit harder when he see you in the crowd

- kenma loves it when you play games with him

- the volleyball team sees you a lot thanks to kuroo and kenma so the team is always trying to be your friend but kenma will kick them away and say that they’re annoying

- when you guys were little, a pact was made so that if you guys were still single by 30, you guys had to get married to each other

- you actually have a lot of matching things with kenma (because he like you more than kuroo)

- but once again, kuroo didn’t feel included so ya’ll went out and bought a bunch of matching things

- kuroo definitely calls your princess or ‘my love’ and kenma makes fun of him because he says that kuroo is so single that he has to call his best friend cheesy nicknames

- kenma just calls you by your name

gc name: bestie vibes only + kuroo

kenma: where’s y/n

kuroo: idk go find her

kenma: shut up i asked a question

kuroo: and i said that i dont know

you: HELLLLOOOOO I AM HERE

kenma: missed you

kenma: i can’t believe you left me alone

kuroo: im right here

you: sorry ken, i got caught up in something

you: you guys ready to go now?

kuroo: you smell different

kenma: you smell different

you: what do you mean? i didn’t do anything

kuroo: you smell like mens cologne 

kenma: its gross

kuroo: who have you been hanging out with????

you: no-one??? i dont think i smell any different

kenma: smells like axe 

kuroo: nah y/n, you’ve got to be kidding me

you: guys what?? stop being dramatic.

kenma: have you been hanging out with tora?

kenma: wouldn’t recommend it 

kenma: spending time with me is better

kuroo: us*

kenma: right. us

kuroo: anyways take your shirt off

you: okay stop stop. no. i don’t care if i stink. i’ll change when we get to kenma’s house

kenma: no, you ain’t coming into my house smelling like another guy

kenma: plus me and kuroo are busy rn

you: doing what?

kuroo: murder

#👼🏼 — angelskiss #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #hq x you #hq x y/n #hq kenma #kenma headcanons #kenma hcs #kenma imagines #kenma x reader #kenma x you #kenma x y/n #hq kuroo #kuroo headcanons #kuroo hcs #kuroo imagine #kuroo x reader #kuroo x you #kuroo x y/n #haikyuu scenarios #kenma scenario #kuroo scenarios

[mountswhore]

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐚𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭 — mason mount

if you have any requests, just ask! i’m all ears. if you wanna know who i write for, check this post.

admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

Mason adores everything about you. But to be particular, he adores your compassion. Even before you guys had gotten together, and were just friends of friends at a party, he’d watch you take care of some of his teammates who’d had a little too much to drink. You’d be jumping between getting to know Mason and assisting someone to the bathroom to throw up. It was hard for him to hold back a giggle as he saw you take your heels off, excuse yourself politely and run after a drunken Grealish.

body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

Again, he loves everything about you. But if he had to choose, it’d be your eyes. They’re the first things he notices when he comes home from an away game, full to the brim with tears as you shout out how much you missed him. In the middle of a sleepless night, when the outside lighting makes your shiny eyes visible, he’d get lost in them. During a match, whether it be for the National team or Chelsea, the second he is on the pitch he would notice you close to the goal, in perfect view to watch him score. They’re what he looks into just before he kisses you, and he melts watching your eyes as you speak to a friend or family member, seeing them talk with your mouth.

cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

Mason’s favourite pastime is cuddling, outside of his career, of course. He’ll get home from training and you’ll be cozied up on the couch, practically inviting him into your warmth. He enjoys the cuddles with you on top of him, your head in his neck and his arms tightly around your back. But he loves laying his head on your stomach, smoothing his hand over your thighs as you massage his shoulders lightly. He loves cuddling you, but he’s a sucker for being cuddled. It’s a trick to get him to doze off pretty quickly, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

He’s a busy man, but when it came down to seeing you and wanting you, he made time. He wanted only the best for you, so it was a fancy restaurant, being driven around in his nice sports car, treating you to whatever you wanted. He’d soon come to realise that both of yours ideal date is ordering a Chinese, playing a few fifa matches, and watching a comedy together.

emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

Due to your compassion, you’d often spot when Mason was feeling down, angry, or just upset. So keeping it from you rendered useless. Now, if he’s ever in a shit mood, for any reason, he’ll find you and talk to you about it. You always end up making him feel better too, and giving him a different perspective on it. He couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend.

family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

If there was one thing Mason will not shut up about, it’s having children. Even his mates tell him to have a day off. You secretly find it cute, that he’s so ready to become a father and thinks of you as a suitable mother to his children. But Mason knows you’re not ready, with his career at the height it is right now and your age, you think kids aren’t on the cards right now, but you’re definitely wanting a few. Mason is absolutely okay with waiting for you, as he always mentions that there’s nobody else he’d rather do it with.

gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

Mason gets a bit too excited when it comes to your birthday. He’ll go all out on gifts every year, topping the one before, and dotting them around the house in places you don’t look. Like the boot of his car, the electrical cupboard, the back garden shed, he’s thought about it strategically. And his giddy attitude is never something you question, you usually pass it as his excitement for an upcoming match or just that fact it’s your birthday soon. It would take everything in him to keep it a secret, almost spilling a few of your gifts. He’d accidentally asked you to grab his cleats from the boot of his car, immediately stopping you once the door was open. And you were none the wiser.

holding hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

Whenever you’re both out with yours or his family, it is quite a large group, which usually meant a large outing. And being significantly shorter than him, he likes to hold you close. As you walk down a busy street, he won’t let you out of his sight, even if you’re talking to his mum, he’ll hold your hand tightly or have an arm around your shoulder. His family always thought it was cute, questioning why he does it. And he always responds with a joke, to hide his sloppiness. Something like, “she’s too short, can’t let her get lost.”

injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

If you came home through the front door limping, he’d be all over you. Carrying you to the kitchen, observing the injury, calling the shots on what you need to do for the evening. Which usually consists of having a bath, resting in bed, texting him if you needed him. It was adorable, despite it being just a twisted ankle from the gym or something.

But on a serious scale, if you came home bawling your eyes out after an awful encounter, that’s when Mason loses all of his silliness and smiles. He’s cradling you on the floor of the living room, talking over what just happened and how you felt. He wouldn’t leave you for the rest of the evening, always making sure you’re feeling better and giving you tight squeezes before he goes to get you anything.

jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Being an avid tiktok user, you’ve seen quite the pranks on there. And mason not yet having a tiktok, made it perfect to carry these out. You’d often spend hours on the phone with Declan, another avid tiktok user, sending prank ideas back and forth. Mason was quite the gullible person, either that or you were a brilliant actress, so your pranks were always going smoothly. And posting it to tiktok, you’d read through the flood of comments together, laughing about how deflated he looked when you swerved him from a kiss, or how in shock he looked when you told him the tower of Pisa had finally fallen over. It was a laugh you had every day.

kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

It varies. If Mason is tired from training, the kisses would be soft and almost non-existent, it would just be Mason’s face incredibly close to yours and then moving away a few seconds later. In any good moments, he’s always reaching for a kiss. The second he sees you after a win, his lips are on yours and aren’t leaving any time soon. Mason’s favourite type of kiss is the kiss you give him every night. It doesn’t lead anywhere that often. But it’s a deep kiss, it’s saying you love him without actually saying it. It always leaves Mason in a haze, going to bed with a love struck smile on his face.

love (how do they show you they love you?)

Mason shows he loves you in many ways. His love language is acts of service. So waking you up in the morning before work with a tea, bringing you into the shower and washing your hair for you. Attempting to make you breakfast, driving you to work, letting you choose dinner and he pays, driving to the local supermarket if you’re in dire need of something. He couldn’t do this everyday with his schedule, but whenever he could, he did.

memory (favorite memory together?)

By far, his favourite memory of the both of you was your first time at Wembley. You were shaking in your shoes at the amount of people in the stadium, but Mason managed to get you the closest seats to the pitch with your family. It was the game he scored two goals in, rushing straight over to your side and blowing you kisses. You soon settled in to the crowd, cheering with everyone else. He’d rush over at half time, giving you a quick kiss before leaving you again. And Mason brought you back to the changing rooms to meet the team, keeping you close to him at all times.

nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

Mason’s worst fear is losing everything he has now. He’d be happy to admit he has everything he wants in life, an amazing career, a lovely list of family and friends, as well as someone he will soon have as a wife. He’s had a nightmare that he’d lost you before, the police broke the news to him and he woke up crying, holding you close for the rest of the night.

oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

It’s not so much of a thing now, but it definitely still happens. Before you were together, and Mason was still in the wooing stage, every time he spoke to you, he’d stutter. You found it adorable and took your time with him. You’d never rush him or look away bored, you’d just look into his eyes with a small smile and it’d make it worse. He’d trip on all of his words, trying to compliment you or ask you out. Even now, sometimes if you’re looking extra pretty or he’s just in a really lovey mood, he’ll slip up on his speech every now and then.

pet names (what do they like to call you?)

His go to pet names for you were baby, honey, and sweets. They just randomly caught on one day and never disappeared. But they make your stomach do flips every time you hear them.

quality time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

Being in your company was enough for him. But it’s the mundane things he loves the most. It’s a weird one, but food shopping. For you, it’s an hour of stress. Manoeuvring past other shoppers, trying to find everything on your list, do your back in as you put everything on the belt, and pack in in record time. But for Mason, he’s following you round in a haze. Like a cartoon character in love. Asking if he can get some stuff, which you always agree to, and seeing you in conversation with random shoppers. Finally getting back to the car with the shopping littered in the boot and back seat, Mason’s hand stays in yours as you rest in the passenger seat.

rhythm (what song reminds you of each other?)

You have a shared song, and Mason vows for it to be your wedding song. Easy by Ella Mai. It’s slow, it’s something you both slow danced to when you were drunk out of your minds in your own living room. The party was over and the song just randomly started playing, a frown on your face as you look up at your boyfriend. It wasn’t his usual taste, which is why it was so random. He told you, “I heard it for the first time the day after I met you. And I thought it was so good. So now it reminds me of you.

secrets (how open are they with you?)

The only thing he keeps from you are your birthday gifts, or big surprises for you. And even then, he’s so eager to just tell you. But he shares even the littlest things with you — like Declan falling over at training, about how he shooed away a bunch of girls when he went to buy dinner. You both trust each other and Mason will tell you every last detail about his day if he could.

time (how long did it take you to get together?)

Mason knew almost instantly you’d be his girlfriend, even joking to Chilly that you’d be his wife someday. And you were an oblivious person, so you were none the wiser to his plays, which is why it took a few months to get together. Mason always comments that if you actually noticed he was flirting, you’d have been together within a few weeks. But now you laugh it off after having been together for so long.

upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

He drops everything to help you when you’re upset. A bad day at work, an argument with a friend or family member, or even just a day where the world is against you. He can usually tell by your quiet demeanour, giving him tired answers, and not wanting to cry around him. He’d catch you in the bedroom, flopped onto the bed and huffing. He’d join you, rubbing your back as you go off about your day. He’d listen to it for hours if it meant you were okay, but he’d just run you a bath and tell you he’d be back with dinner shortly.

vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

1000%. He’s the one to tell your family that he’s surprised he bagged you. He’s always saying you’re out of his league, posting you on his Instagram all the time. Showing you off to his friends and family, sending them pictures of the two of you dressed up nice. They all find it adorable — and they know just how much Mason loves you.

warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

It’s on sight. If another man does so much as graze your shoulder, he’ll be on it for you. On the pitch, he’s okay with some confrontation, but anything regarding you, he’s not having it. You’re his and he would beat anyone who questioned it.

Usually, if it’s just a quarrel with a friend, he’ll listen to your side of things and give you some words of encouragement. But if it’s really nasty, he’ll be stepping in and having words. He has a lot of patience, but won’t let you be stood on.

x-ray (how well are they able to read you?)

Like a book, now. But when you were first dating, you hid your emotions well. At least, you thought you did. All it took was one touch from mason, and you were crying like a baby in his arms about your horrible shift. You thought you held up a tough front, but staring up at his eyes, as he looked back at you with concern laced among his features, it told him how you really felt. Now he knows the telltale signs, and he’s there to help.

yes (how would they propose to you?)

Mason thinks about this question a lot. He wonders it in the shower, making you your morning tea, during his downtime at training. He’s even scrolled endlessly through a bunch of rings, asking the opinions of his mum and sister. The question had come up between the two of you, and you’d said how you’d felt about marriage. You wanted it, but big events for a proposal were detested by you.

If it was up to Mase, he’d take you on holiday. Buy you a gorgeous summer dress, take you to the beach and declare his undying love for you. But he’d take a small proposal in bed at 2am, too.

zen (what makes them feel calm?)

As mentioned before, Mason was a sucker for domestic things. Watching you do the shopping as he trails behind you was his idea of spending good time together. But getting home from a long day of training, and smelling whatever dinner you’d concocted for the evening. It was as if your front door was the very gates of Heaven. No matter what happened during the day, the second he smells his dinner and greets you happily, nothing is ruining his mood.

if you guys want me to turn some of these into longer requests, just ask! i’m in the mood to write for mase🥺

#mason mount #mason mount blurb #mason mount imagine #mason mount smut #mason mount x reader #chelsea fc

[mysticpetals]

Supermarket runs

Pairing: Jake × mc (Syianne)

Genre: fluff, humor

Words: 2.5k

Summary: Three times Jake ran into Syianne and one time he actually made plans.

Anonymous asked: Hello. If you do still requests, can you do 27 and 40, with Jake and MC from Duskwood from fluff? Sorry I forgot to add that.

Prompts: 27. "Are you blushing?" 40. "Why are you so afraid of loving?"

Notes: here it is! A cute meet up fic with Jake's point of view. I hope you like this one because it's going to be the last thing I'll be posting for a while 😬

Jake had reached his new hideout just a few hours ago.

After evading yet another capture from the government and planting false trails in his wake, he had escaped to a small town, renting an apartment for the time being.

Opening the door to his new house for a few days, he put his cat down, opened his cage and let him explore. Glitch immediately disappeared and Jake put his bags down, sighing tiredly.

He needed to make a quick run to the store nearby, getting some food and other essential items since it was clear that they didn't stock it in the room.

Before he could change his mind, Jake picked up his wallet, locking the door and walked to the store he came across on his way over to the apartment.

It was a medium sized store, probably the one of the few in this small town. Jake browsed the shelves picking up the things he needed along the way. He avoided eye contact with everyone, putting his hood up.

When he was done, he quietly put the few cup noodles and microwaveable dinners on the counter and waited for the cashier to scan his items. Just as he went to pick up the first item, the cashier's phone rang and he glanced at the screen, eyes widening in surprise before his face settled into panic.

"Oh shit, oh shit, I completely forgot," he mumbled to himself frantically and giving Jake an apologetic glance, ran towards the back room.

Well then, it wasn't like he was in any hurry either. He didn't want to go back so soon anyway. He rocked back on his heels, adjusting his mask so that it still covered the lower half of his face and looked around in boredom.

From the backroom, he could hear two voices arguing, one male and other female and just when he thought that maybe it was going to take a while, the cashier ran out of the room, hefting a jacket over his shoulders and looked back.

"I owe you one, Syianne! Thank you so much!"

Jake tilted his head on hearing the familiar name, memories of conversations with his Syianne creeping up.

"You really do, Percy! I better have a three day weekend after this!" The girl shouted back and Jake smiled behind his mask. She even sounded like her.

The cashier yelled back something but he was already out the door to hear properly. The girl came out from the back, wearing her uniform jacket and grumbling about having to do two shifts, but Jake had frozen.

"Sorry about that. My coworker forgot about the date with his girlfriend and had to bolt. Between you and me, she's pretty scary so I'd be running too," she said, already ringing up his few items but Jake couldn't reply. He kept staring at her familiar face, which he had accidentally accessed when going through her chats before.

This was his Syianne.

She glanced at him, probably wondering why he didn't say anything before looking back on the screen. He broke out of his stupor when she told him the total and held up a bag with his items.

His fingers brushed against her and it felt like a lifetime, blood rushing to his cheeks and heart pacing.

"Thank you," he said and got a smile in return.

"You're welcome! Sorry about the delay earlier."

He shook his head rapidly, telling her that it was no trouble and he completely understood. That made her smile widen, her eyes crinkling with happiness.

"Come again soon!"

Oh, he'd be coming back very soon, indeed.

The first thing he did after reaching home was to power on his laptop and search for Syianne's location. Glitch hissed angrily at him for disturbing his slumber atop the chair he was now sitting in but Jake's eyes were fixed on the screen.

The results baffled him, as it showed her living in a completely different country from when he had searched her before, when he had just gotten her number. And then, realisation dawned on him that she might be using a VPN.

He banged his head on the table in frustration but also a little impressed that Syianne had thought of doing something like this to protect her identity.

He was supposed to stay away from all of them, to prevent pulling people into his messes but now one of the most important people in his life literally worked a walk away from his hiding place. He couldn't change places so frequently as it hadn't even been a day and he had to give some time to the police to cool off, before he got on the move again.

He sighed, too wound up to make anything but cup noodles, he got up and went into the kitchen. Glitch trailed behind him, sniping at his heels for his own food and Jake emptied the last can of cat food into Glitch's bowl.

With a jolt, he realised that he would have to go to the supermarket tomorrow again and it brought him equal parts of excitement as well as anxiety at the thought of seeing Syianne again.

———

The next evening, he put the cans of cat food on the counter and was disappointed to find that the guy from yesterday – Percy, if he recalled right – was going to scan his items.

Jake shifted the mask on his face and looked around to see if Syianne was somewhere but to no avail. If Percy noticed him looking around, he didn't say anything. When he grabbed the bag from him, the employee room opened and Syianne came out wearing casual clothes, a bag slung over her shoulder.

"See you tomorrow, Percy!"

She came out from behind the counter and her eyes widened in surprise as they fell on him.

"Oh hi! You're the one from yesterday."

Jake cleared his throat and let out a hesitant, "Y-yeah."

Percy snickered, throwing a knowing look at Jake before turning to Syianne.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, idiot. Bring some coffee with you." He handed Jake his bag as he scrambled to bring out his wallet to pay and gave him a wide smile.

"Syianne here works the morning shifts." He winked and Jake was mortified to hear the amusement in his voice, knowing that he had been caught.

"I'm not bringing you anything until I get my three-day weekend. Anyway, nice to see you again…." She trailed off when she turned to Jake and his mind went into overdrive as he thought about whether he should tell her his real name or not.

"Phil." He blurted out, "My name's Phil."

She tilted her head, no doubt thinking about that bartender from Duskwood who was currently locked up in jail.

"Funny, I know a guy named Phil. Not from around here though." She glanced at the door giving him a final smile.

"Because all the customers come in the evening." Percy complained and Syianne only rolled her eyes at his antics.

"Well, come by in the morning if you want to chat. It's pretty chill that time."

"Deal with it. Anyway, see you tomorrow." She waved one last time and walked out, Jake's eyes following her figure until she disappeared around the corner.

"She's sweet and a little too trustful. I better not hear any complaints about you from her Phil or I won't hesitate to throw a punch or two." Percy threatened and Jake flushed before muttering a hasty excuse and practically running out of the store.

She actually talked to him today and hearing her voice, her words just made it harder for him to stay away. But it was okay if he didn't tell her who he was, right? She won't be in any danger then, right?

These thoughts chased him as he walked back to his temporary home, almost tripping over Glitch when he entered and found a disgruntled cat, waiting for his food.

———

The next morning, Jake worked in his room, occasionally shooing away Glitch who was determined to get his daily dose of affection.

"Just a minute, Glitch." He muttered, typing rapidly, his eyes scanning the screen with an eerie quickness.

A loud, disgruntled meow from his cat breaks the silence again and Jake heaved a frustrated sigh, pushing his laptop away and glaring at the culprit.

"Fine, you little devil! I'll give you breakfast first."

He walked out of the room, Glitch trailing behind him, purring in appreciation and hopped on to a chair while Jake took out the instant pancake mixture that he had recently bought. And that reminded him of the fact that Syianne was here, so close and whether he should tell her or not.

Making the pancakes in a daze, he put a plate in front of Glitch who immediately started gobbling it up. Jake huffed out a laugh and made his own plate, sitting across from his cat. The syrup was towards Glitch and when he leaned forward to take it, he was met by Glitch's paw swatting at his hand.

"What the hell? You ate already! Let me eat too!"

Glitch's paw rested on the syrup bottle and edged it towards the end of the table.

Jake froze.

"Glitch, no. Give me the syrup."

The bottle shifted a bit more.

"No, Glitch. Stop that."

The cat looked at him and stopped and Jake gave a sigh of relief, only to throw back his head in exasperation at the next moment as the bottle was finally pushed off the table.

"You little devil! I'm going to—"

The cat sprang up and ran into the other room, leaving Jake in the kitchen alone.

"Why is it always me?"

———

After cleaning up the kitchen and eating pancakes without any syrup, Jake found himself in the supermarket once again, embarrassed about being there everyday for the last three or so days.

When he put his items on the counter, including a syrup in a plastic bottle this time, he found himself facing Syianne who gave her an amused look.

"Having a good day, Phil?"

It took a moment for Jake to understand that she was talking to him and he flushed when he met her gaze.

"Not really. My cat decided to be an asshole today."

Syianne laughed and if Jake could have heard it everyday, he would. When she scanned his bandaids, she raised an eyebrow, and Jake gave her a sheepish smile, showing her his poorly wrapped hand.

"Oh no, that looks bad," she said but Jake only shook his head.

"It's better than it looks, I promise. I'm just bad at wrapping things up."

She didn't smile but only looked behind him. Seeing no more customers, she gestured for him to come to her side of the counter. Confused, he did as she asked and understanding dawned on him when he saw her opening the packet of gauze he had just bought.

"Oh, no, no. It's okay. I can do it at home." He rushed but she didn't listen, silently asking for him to hold his hand forward. When he realised that Syianne wasn't going to take no for an answer, he sighed and put his hand forward, face heating up and he regretted forgetting to wear a face mask that day.

"Are you blushing?" She asked teasingly and his flush only worsened.

"I-I'm not used to other people caring for me."

She hummed.

"That must be lonely."

She carefully unwrapped his hand, winching at the sight of blood and cleaned it with antiseptic wipes, before wrapping a bandage around the cut. Her hands were gentle but firm, as if she knew what she was doing and had done it a hundred times before. Jake was suddenly hit with a weird nostalgia, a feeling of wanting to know who she was, how many siblings she had, what her goals were.

He didn't realise when she had stopped, staring at him, as he was looking at her and only after several minutes had passed, did Syianne dropped her hands, letting him know that she was done.

The thought struck him like lightning and he quickly grabbed his bags, muttering another thank you and getting a simple smile in return. Before he knew, he was out on the streets and on the way to his house, his thoughts a raging turmoil.

"Thank you very much." He spoke softly, quietly, overwhelmed by such a gesture from her. He was essentially a stranger and she had still helped him, not knowing who he was.

She didn't know who he was.

What was he doing? Going to see her like that, finding excuses to go to the supermarket in hopes of seeing her? What did he want to accomplish?

He released a shaky sigh, running his hands through his hair, when he reached the place. Glitch, knowing that it wasn't the time for his shenanigans, only gave a welcoming meow from his place on the couch.

Maybe it was time he started searching again.

Jake opened his laptop but the ping from his phone made him look for it, heart quickening when he saw her name on it.

Syianne [5:00 pm]

Hey Jake!

How are you doing? I hope you're safe

I patched up a guy today who came in at work. He had a cat too!

Anyway, I don't know why I'm still writing but I hope you're safe and nobody got to you

Why are you so afraid of loving?

Sorry, insensitive question. Ignore that

Waiting for when you come back

...I'm still looking forward to that date

Jake's lips quirked at her messages, warmed by her concern. She had messaged him everyday ever since he went into hiding again. He hadn't replied then, being busy because of his relocation, but now….

In a bold move, very uncharacteristic for him, he messaged her back.

Jake [5:03 pm]

What if I told you that the guy you patched up was me?

Syianne [5:04 pm]

What?

His name was Phil

Oh

Jake waited as she typed and erased, all of it going on for two minutes before she stopped. Jake had a sudden, terrible feeling that perhaps he had made a mistake but soon enough, she replied.

Syianne [5:06 pm]

You're cute in real life as well <3

Jake laughed, amused by her flirty response and decided that perhaps he'd stay there for a few more days.

Syianne [5:06 pm]

What about that date at the Chinese restaurant you promised me?

Jake [5:07 pm]

Does tomorrow work for you? ;)

#duskwood #duskwood jake #everbyte duskwood #duskwood game #everbyte #jake × mc #duskwood jake × mc #jake × player #duskwood fanfic #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood mc #duskwood phil

[mandoalorian]

Brown Eyes [Din Djarin x Reader]

!! SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 15, SEASON 2. !!

*Hi. The episode has been out for three hours. The devil works hard but I work harder. I hope you enjoy! xx*

Summary: Din has always wanted to confess his love to you— but with his devotion to the Creed and with the risk of losing you, he wonders if the revelation would really be worth it. Would you even consider being with him if he refused to remove his helmet? When Grogu is taken away from Din and in the fiendish hands of Moff Gideon, Din realises there isn't anything he won't do to get his son back.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: descriptions of anxiety, *SPOILERS FOR Season 2 Episode 15: The Believer of The Mandalorian*

Word count: 2.6k

Permanent taglist - let me know if you want to be added: @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell @ah-callie @luvzoria @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal @wonderfulfluffer @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal @castiel-barnes @honeymandos

Masterlist

gif credit: @siennablake

"Din," you froze up, backing away from the Imperial who was sitting at a table drinking caf. "I- I can't do it."

Din's head snapped to face you, masked by the Imperial Shocktrooper helmet he was doting. "Why not?" His voice was firm, but the tone of his question dripped with concern. You bawled your fingers into a fist as you squeezed your eyes tight shut, beginning to anxiously pace around in circles.

"That's Valen Hess," you muttered, trying your hardest to regulate your nervous breathing. "He- I used to serve under him. I- can't… go in there. Din, he'll recognise me." the thoughts in your head were jumbled. Din placed two hands steady on your shoulders.

"I'll go, hand me the dataspike." Din told you calmly. You felt like putty under his touch. Usually, his firm grip would calm you down and ease any of your troubles away— but not this time. You felt completely nauseated.

Grogu was at stake. When you met the Mandalorian, it took him some time to find the confidence in introducing you to the child. You were Ex-Imperial after all. But he warmed up to you, seeing the way you cared so deeply for the children on Sorgan. When he introduced you to the little green bean, who did not yet have a name, you were enamoured. That's when Din knew he was in love with you. Ever since that day, he'd only fallen in love with you more and more. His feelings became stronger with every waking second he spent with you.

Of course, he never acted on his feelings. He wished he had, he wished he could say something. He knew that if something happened to you and you didn't know how he truly felt, he'd regret it for the rest of his life. There had been countless times where you and him brushed paths on the Razor Crest. Plenty of times to say something, plenty of times to mutter the three words that had consumed his mind, body and soul. ‘I love you’. The words were like a broken record in the back of his mind. He looked at you through his visor, seeing your distress and his heart aching and he wanted— no, he had to do something.

His son had been kidnapped and suddenly, Din was an unstoppable force. Nothing could hold him back— not his friends, not the Creed, nothing. The regret ate him up like flies on a corpse. If there was one thing he learned from Grogu's disappearance, is that you never know what is coming around the corner. Din began to treat everyday with you like it was your last because there was no way of telling what the future was holding. And that only stirred him on, the desire of telling you how much you meant to him.

"You can't go," you removed your finger from your lips where you had been anxiously biting your nails. "The security system is biometric facial recognition. There must be another way." you tried to rack your brain for a solution, but Din's mind was already made up.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes in search for an answer. You steadied your breathing. "Din," you whispered. "What if we distract them? You go in there and speak to him so he's looking the other way and I'll use that moment to sneak past and access the terminal."

No answer. "Din?" you asked, cautiously opening your eyes. He was already gone. Your mouth began to open and close like a goldfish as you watched his approach the terminal. He paused, midway between two tables, shakily saluting Valen Hess. Din turned back to the terminal, held his head up high and carried on over to it.

Upon examining it, Din found it was no different to any other information point— whether it had been New Republic or Independent, Din was lucky enough to already know how to navigate the system. He clicked a few buttons on the keypad, bringing up the facial recognition scanner. He stood still, letting it roam down his face. He didn't have much faith, but it was worth a shot.

Din cursed under his breath as the scanner light lit up red, beeping ecstatically.

"Error. Error. Facial scanning incomplete. Ten seconds until system shutdown." An automated voice informed. Din felt a few gazes burn into his back, no doubt Valen Hess noticing the commotion. "Ten, nine, eight-"

You watched as the timer went down, your hand fingers curling around the blaster in your holster. You didn't know what Din was going to, but you knew if anything— he was a man with a plan.

And that was when he removed his helmet.

It hit you like a ton of bricks, it took the air from your lungs leaving you gasping in silence. You felt like a criminal, looking at him with your own eyes. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't tear the gaze from the back of his head.

Brown hair. Dark brown hair, slightly messy from the helmet. Although you were some distance away, you noticed the little waves and the way it curled at the nape of his neck. The cut of the Imperial armour revealed just a sliver of his skin. It was golden tan— surprising to you.

"Facial scanning complete." The dataspike ejected from the terminal, a small light lit up in green, validating that the information had been processed and Din was now the owner of Moff Gideon’s co-ordinates. Just as he was about to put his helmet back on, a voice interrupted him.

Your heart sank when you saw that Valen Hess had approached Din.

"Trooper, where are you stationed?"

"Transportation."

"What?"

"My designation is transport— co-pilot."

"No son, what's your TK number?"

Din felt his throat dry up as he looked the man in the eyes. Valen Hess stared at Din right back, looking into the eyes that nobody had gazed into since Din had been sworn to the Creed. Din swallowed the lump in his throat, only for it to return immediately.

"He's with me." you announced, walking over to Din and Hess. A wash of relief shuttled through Din's body upon hearing your voice, but that was completely blown away when he realised you had seen him. It was true, you had seen his face— but there was no time to act up. Din had sacrificed everything for Grogu and you weren't going to let this go wrong. "This is my trooper, sir."

"Who is he and what's his TK number?" Valen Hess repeated, clicking his tongue between his teeth.

"This is my commanding officer TK-0402, and I'm TK-0322. I'm afraid he doesn't speak much. Ever since his vessel lost pressure on Tanaab." You explained with confidence, sighing apologetically and placing a hand on your hip.

Din found the courage to look at you, making brief yet bewildered glances between you and Valen Hess. He had a thousand questions but he knew he could trust you, and so, he smiled wearily, nodding his head in agreement to your little story.

"What's his name?" Hess inquired.

You took a deep breath, and turned to face Din. He looked at you too, his face softening as your eyes met for the very first time. You felt your heart rate slow down as you took in his appearance. You were nervous, and tensions were high, but as you looked into the Mandalorian's sparkling eyes, you felt a familiar sense of belonging. You felt complete.

"Brown eyes." you whispered, feeling the tears pool up as you tried to choke back a sob. Din smiled at you, just a small smile, but enough to make the corners of his eyes crinkle. It gave you the reassurance to know that this was all worth it.

"Well, brown eyes," Valen Hess adjusted his belt. "You troopers were both on the transport that brought in the valium, correct? The only surviving shocktroopers, might I add." he grinned, raising an eyebrow.

"Y-yeah, that was us." You answered hesitantly.

"Please, come join me for drinks. We must celebrate." Hess said, approaching the table he was originally sat at and ushering you over with an exaggerated gesture.

You and Din exchanged a look before walking over to the table and sinking down into the chair. Hess poured out two cups of caf and slid them over. Din stayed silent for most of the conversation, briefly making utterances of affirmation and nodding his head to suggest that he was indeed listening.

Although, he wasn't listening really. His mind was racing and he couldn't concentrate on anything. Although it wasn't necessarily true, he felt like every head in the room was looking at him. Staring at him. Judging him breaking his oath. Was he a failure? Was he a disgrace to the Creed? Dishonourable? A monster?

"I could blather on 'to health' or 'to success', but… tell me TK-0322, where do you come from?"

"Alderaan." you said without hesitation. Din looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, wondering why exactly you had given Hess the details of your real planet.

"Ah, I see…" Hess frowned. "Well, to Alderaan!" he grinned, raising his glass in the air.

"No." you deadpanned and Hess shot you a confused look.

"No?"

"No." you repeated. "Alderaan was a peaceful planet destroyed by the Empire."

"And those on the Death Star, those who aided in the destruction of Alderaan became heroes of the Empire. I was there." he said with pride.

Din watched your face harden as your cheeks burned up with rage. "Heroes?" you croaked out. "For attacking and murdering innocents? Hundreds of thousands of people died on Alderaan. I lost my family."

"Losing the ones we love is simply part of life," Hess revealed with a sigh— and Din felt his heart shatter at his words. He stiffened up, his gaze fixating on the concrete wall as his surroundings began to faze out.

"At what cost?" you whispered. "You know, every day I think about it. I wished there was something I could do to stop it. But no, I was here, fighting for the Empire. While the Empire was out killing my people." You gritted out as tears pricked your eyes. You felt Dins hand manouver under the table and take place on your thigh, as his gloved fingers rubbed comforting circles into the thin material that covered your skin. His hand was large, fitting around your leg perfectly. He held you down, stopping your anxious shaking and you immediately calmed down. Din wasn't going to stop you, but he did want you to not let your feelings intrude on what was really happening right now. Valen Hess, however, looked mortified. You picked up the glass and forced a smile. Din copied your movement and you clinked your glass with his. "To family." you toast, and Din smiles. He smiles so wide a dimple appears in his cheek.

"To family." he confirms, thinking about his son and how close he was to getting him back.

You put the glass of caf back down on the table and quickdrew your blaster, shooting Valen Hess in the chest.

Din knew better than to question you. He took out his own pistol and helped you take down the remaining troopers and Imps in the room before you both raced out of the base.

Of course, you knew that there'd be commotion. You heard the TIE fighter engines as soon as you stepped foot outside. Din grabbed your hand, pulling you along as you both sprinted into the depths of the forest. Once deep enough, you looked up. It was dark, strings of light beaming through the gaps in the trees. But it was enough to illuminate Din. You had envisioned what Din looked like beneath his beskar helmet every single day, and now, you had your answer.

Din took one look at you. He pulled off his leather gloves, dropping them to the ground and placed his hand on your cheek. Subconsciously, you leaned into the warmth of his palm as his fingers tucked the strands of hair behind your ear. You closed your eyes, humming in delight as his bodily warmth transferred to you.

"Din, when we return to the ship you can put your helmet back on. I never saw you." you promised, your voice barely above a whisper and your eyes remaining closed.

"Cyare," Din mumbled, his heart yearning. The pad of his thumb traced your face, following the height of your cheek bones and the arch of your eyebrows and down your nose. "Open your eyes." he requested. Cautiously, you obeyed, your eyes fluttering open as you drunk in his appearance once more.

Brown stubble with a patch of grey graced the lower portion of his face. You reached out, this time your own hand cupping his cheek. Din didn't let go of you, and he let you touch him. Your finger nervously brushed over the coarse hairs and you let out a small giggle as you remembered him telling you from the Fresher room on the Razor Crest that he was going to shave. He had, and now you could see for yourself that it had started growing back.

"Do… do you like what you see?" Din asked nervously, his gaze only temporarily lifting from yours.

You nodded your head. "I do," you admitted. "You're… so handsome."

Din felt his cheeks heat up as you watched the small blush creep upon his face. You were enthralled, seeing him like this. Seeing his humanity— his emotions and expressions. You knew you loved Din, with or without the helmet— but this confirmed everything.

"May I?" Din asked, leaning into you slowly and closing his eyes. The curve of his nose bumped against yours as and the softness of his lips touched you so delicately.

You mumbled a small 'yes' and as your lips parted, Din kissed you. Soft, sweet, but passionate and with heart. You tangled your hands in his hair, tugging at it and encouraging Din to kiss you deeper and further. He done so, willingly, a groan of pleasure escaping his mouth and vibrating through your body.

He pulled away eventually, breathless and his eyes dark and glazed. "I-I…" he was speechless, looking at you with the utmost adoration. "I love you." He sighed in defeat, knowing now was a better time than any to admit his true feelings. He had to do it one day, and it just so happened to be in the depths of a forest as you hid from Imperials.

"I love you too." you exhaled shakily, thrusting forward into his arms and letting him hold you tight to his chest. He pressed a kiss into your hair.

"I love you so much." Din sobbed, his grip around you tightening like he was afraid that if he let go, you'd vanish just like Grogu did. "Please, never leave me. Please."

"I'm not going anywhere Din," you promised. "Now c’mon, let's go get Grogu."

PART TWO

#the mandalorian season 2 spoilers #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the mandalorian x reader #din djarin #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian #the mandalorian season 2

[fundy-simp]

Technoblade/GN!Reader - Messy Confessions [2700 words]

Fluff! Sick fic, kinda! After fleeing the DreamSMP mainland due to stress you find yourself in the snow biome that an old friend of yours lives in. You’re not sure how you know where he lives or how he’ll respond to you just appearing at his house in clothes definitely not suited for the tundra, but you suck it up and ask him for help anyways.

This is a c!Techno fic where he’s a piglin shapeshifter. You and Techno had known each other back in the Pogtopia days but there was a large break in communication while he moved bases and you got swept up in other things, but of course you had to meet again. Might make a part two of this honestly but I’m not super sure, so if you want one let me know! As always if anything about this makes you uncomfortable feel free to scroll past :)

You barely knew where you were going when you jumped into nether, following down the rickety one meter wooden path before it tapers into a 3 meter cobblestone and obsidian path. You needed out of the mainland, it was all too much. It felt like there was a rift- and a weird demonic egg- in between everyone, you felt alone, lost, so fuckin’ tired. Without thinking you jumped through the portal at the end, your body tensed to a complete halt as you bore the brunt of going from the nether to the tundra.

Gritting your teeth you pushed through it, stomping through the snow as the freezing wind felt like it was seeping into your bones. You seriously need to not impulsively decide to run off into the middle of nowhere in just your everyday wear. It wouldn’t have been as much as a problem if the snow didn’t get deeper as you walked, going over the edge of your netherite boots and into them. Quickly, you’re approaching the point where the coldness that felt like you’ll know till you're in the ground was vastly out weighing you panic from earlier.

In a haze you look around you, passing over an iced lake you can vaguely see footprints in the snow. Carefully you follow them as you huddle in on yourself, your fingers and nose were going numb as you made your way over a particularly steep hill. A curse left your lips as you tripped down the other side, as soon as you had your bearings you shot up, looking around to see where you were. Squinting, you could barely make out a house through the snow, a hope you hadn’t even noticed you’d lost flares in your chest as you marched towards it.

By the time you had made it to the cozy cabin you couldn’t feel your hands at all, you hesitated for a bit on the porch, you don’t even know who lives here, what if they’re not home? After meandering way, way longer than someone who was under the immediate threat of hypothermia, you finally knocked on the door, pain shocked through your arm, who knows if that’s a good or bad thing.

You hunch in on yourself as you hear shuffling on the other side of the door and after a few seconds it swung open to reveal a very distraught, or at least distraught for him, Techno, a sword drawn in your direction as he looked at you with dull eyes. Well that answers your question from earlier. Involuntarily you shivered, whether it was because the heat of the house made you realize just how cold it was or if it was the harsh gaze of the definitely over seven foot tall piglin, you couldn’t tell.

He looked at you for a second before sighing, “C’mon, y/n.” he said quietly as he put his sword up by the door and stepped aside. Carefully you stepped in, your eyes scanning over the cluttered living room as your body tried to get used to the warmth. You rubbed your hands together as you looked over to the fire place, almost jumping out of your skin when you realize that there’s a fucking polar bear laying there. Techno let out a quiet chuckle, it slipped into his words as he spoke, “Oh, don’t mind Steve, he’s a big cuddle bug.”

You nervously chuckled along, why was this the first place you thought to go? You haven’t talked to Techno in months and that little crush you had on him back in the Pogtopia days did not let up like you thought. “What brings you here?” he asked, he talked like the two of you didn’t just mutually ghost each other for half a year.

Swallowing thickly you shrug, fidgeting with your fingers for a second before being reminded of how it hurts to move them, “Oh. I- I just. I just missed you, ya know?” You replied quietly, nothing in your voice was convincing as you avoided eye contact.

You could feel him raise a brow at you, “So you planned to come see me and made the choice to wear nothin’ for the cold weather?” He asked, you could hear shuffling as you focused your eyes squarely on the wooden floor.

“O-Oh well, you know how dumb I can be!” You said through a forced chuckle, shivering as you rubbed your hands up and down your arms. “Yup, just poor planning! Noth- Nothin- '' You stopped for a second, making a face as you brought the crook of your elbow to your face and sneezed, then again, then one more time before pulling your arm away. “Christ- One moment.” You wiped at your slightly teary eyes as you sneezed two more times.

A heavy cloak was placed on your shoulders, when did Techno get behind you? “This is what you get y/n, go chill out with Steve for a moment.” He said, his voice was soft, you’d almost argue there was a twinge of worry in it as he ran his large hands up and down your biceps for a few seconds, trying to warm you up just a little more before he shooed you towards Steve. “You’re really bad at lyin’, you know that right?” he mostly mumbled as he disappeared up the ladder.

Sighing, you pulled Techno’s cloak closer to your body as you sat down next to Steve, he was down right massive next to you, it made you slightly nervous as you tried not to disturb him. After a few seconds the polar bear lazily lifted his head from the ground, looking at you before sniffing your, or well, Techno’s cloak. You never thought you would ever be able say you’ve seen a polar bear ponder something, but this one definitely did for a few seconds. When he came to whatever conclusion he did, he shuffled over to you and nuzzled into you as he placed his head in your lap.

You tensed for a second, this polar bear is acting like a giant puppy dog, literally nothing in your life could ever prepare you for anything like this. After a few very scared moments you sighed, you’re far too tired to really bother questioning anything so you leaned down, resting your head on the bear’s soft fur as your eyes flutter shut.  

You woke up only god knows how long later, head pounding as you felt someone pick you up, “Hello?” you asked quietly, opening your eyes only to squint at how even the low light in the room made your head spin.

You could feel who was holding you physically stutter for a second before replying, “Ah, sorry y/n, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Oh yeah, you’re at Techno’s. Forgot about that... His voice was a whisper as he spoke, as if he could tell you weren’t feeling well, “Don’t worry everythin’ is okay, just didn’t want you sleepin’ on the floor.” He said as he held you with one arm, using the other to pull you both up the ladder and into what you could assume was his room. It was dark, lit by one lantern by the ladder that was slowly dying, books were splayed out across the floor and desk. If your head was throbbing any less you would have teased him for it, how it reminded you of the days back in Pogtopia.

Carefully he stepped over the books and general clutter as he carried you over to the bed and laid you down, you made a face at him as he pulled the blanket over you, “This isn’t normal for you.” You whisper at him, wincing slightly at how your seemingly growing migraine reacted to you talking.

Techno let out a slight chuckle as he crouched down next to the bed, “And it ain’t normal for you to just appear at my home freezin’, most likely sick, and definitely panickin’ about somethin’, so I think we’re even.” he said softly, you opened your mouth to argue but he quickly shushed you, bringing his hand up to your hair to mess with it, “You are far too tired to argue with me right now, after you sleep and are feelin’ better, we’ll talk.”

Grumbling you listen, pulling the blanket around you as you force yourself to relax. His touch was soft but still it managed to make your migraine flare up, as much as it hurt you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him to stop. You scrunch your eyes shut, trying to magically wish the pain away so you didn’t have to tell him to stop, instead though it just alerted him of your pain. Slowly he detangled his fingers from your hair and softly placed a kiss on your forehead, or the best he could in his piglin form, which was more of a boop from his snout. You opened your eyes just in time to barely see his flustered face in the dark, how he avoided eye contact even in the darkness was cute. That look on his face was seemingly burned into your mind as you curled into his sheets, drifting off into a only slightly fitful slumber.

When you woke up you were pleasantly surprised by the fact that the migraine had gotten better, now just a dull pain behind your eyes instead of a stabbing pain everywhere. You try to sit up but the moment you lift your head vertigo hits you like a brick, making you plop back down in defeat. You vaguely debate calling Techno’s name to get his attention, but before the thought could even really form you wave it off. You quietly groaned as you tried to sink further into the sheets, they still smelled like Techno which made you blush a little. “Phil- Phil! You don’t understand! I- I. I wasn’t built to feel like this!” you were immediately pulled out of your thoughts by Techno’s voice, he sounded worried.

You hear someone else laugh, it’s Phil, “Mate, stop stressing. It’s not that big of a deal.” There's shuffling downstairs followed by the sound of opening and closing of multiple chests.

Techno sputters, it wasn’t common for him to verbally stutter when he didn’t know what to say, normally he’d just stay quiet so whatever they were talking about must have had him thoroughly wracked. “No, listen. Phil. I kissed their forehead last night!” Your heart suddenly jumped into your throat, ‘they’re talking about you.’ is the only thought in your mind. “Like some sappy nerd! And I told them I’d talk about feelin’s when they got up!” he stopped for a second, you couldn’t help but giggle at him as you heard him groan, “What is wrong with me, Phil?” he asked, it was much quieter, his voice filled with genuine worry. You felt an odd pang of guilt in the bottom of your gut, your brain trying to twist everything into something that could be your fault.

There were some light jingles in the silence before a myriad of more filled it, it was probably Phil stretching his wings, “You’re not gonna like this Techno, but.” there was another tense silence, it made your throat dry as you realize how hot it is under all these blankets, “... You’ve got a crush, mate.” he said plainly.

“HEH??” Techno basically yelled, you almost fell out of the bed with how hard you jumped, swinging your arm out onto the bedside table to stop yourself, knocking a book down in the process. The entire house went silent, not even the multiple animals in the house made a noise as you buried yourself under the blanket. There were step foots before the telltale creak of a ladder being used filled your ears, you’re going to pass out in the worst way possible. Your head filled with worst case scenarios within seconds, Techno knows you were listening to their conversation, he’s going to hate you, he’s going to kick you out to die.

Your thoughts spiral as you grip tighter to the blanket, the migraine came back as you fought off nausea. Two large hands carefully grab the blanket, pulling it away from you despite you fighting against it, when you reluctantly look over at Techno you see him crouched down next to you like last night, this time though it's his human form. You don’t think you’ve ever seen it, at least never this close, his bright emerald green eyes contrasted against the soft pink of his long, braided hair. He cleared his throat as you quickly looked away, “How much of that did you- uh. Did you hear, exactly?” he asked, not an ounce of anger or accusation in his voice, if anything he seemed scared.

Fiddling with the blanket, you struggled to come up with a reply. You could lie, saving his dignity and leave yourself to pine for him till he figures it out better, or you could just tell the truth, saving your heart and poor lying skills. You swallowed thickly as you looked down at your hands, “Well, you see. I. Hhhn. How do I say this?” You mostly asked yourself, you could see him already come to what you're going to say, his face going a dark red, but he doesn’t interrupt you. “I, uh, I heard all of it, I’m so sorry for eavesdropping. I woke up right before you guys got home and by the time I realized how personal the conversation was it would have been too awkward to do something.” you accidentally rambled, your face going a similar shade of red as his.

Techno sighed as he pulled one of his hands away from the blanket to scratch the back of his neck, “Ah… Shit.” he says quietly, you looked at him with wide eyes, the fear of him being mad at you boiling backup before he talks again, “Not- Not in a negative way!” He corrected himself quickly, smiling a little when he sees you visibly relax, “It’s just a little… Unfortunate for your crush to learn that you like them at the same time you realized it, that's all.” he said, or more mumbled, his hand on the blanket slowly gravitated towards one of your’s, whether that was purposeful or not it was really cute.

You nodded slightly, giggling a little at just everything that’s happened, “Well. If it makes it any easier,” you looked over at him as you set a shaking hand on his, “I’ve had a crush on you for a long while now.” you whispered, watching his face soften as he processed it.

“You’re gonna kill me. I’m not built for this, good god.” He said, a slight whine to his voice as he dropped his face down onto the bed. You let out a loud, genuine laugh at his actions before wincing, you’d almost forgotten about that damn migraine, “Oh yeah, you’re still sick.” he said quickly as he sat up, “Do you want some soup? Phil’s here, he makes really good mushroom stew, it was my favorite when I was younger.”

You giggle a little at his panic before nodding, “Yeah, that’d be nice.” you said, moving your hand on his before pulling it up to your lips and kissing it. “Thank you, Techno.” you let go of his hand as you watched him short circuit for a second.

Once he recovered he leaned over and placed a soft kiss on your forehead, much more of a proper kiss than last night. “Of course, y/n.” he replied as he stood up and walked to the ladder. Once he’s down you buried your head back under the blanket, both out of embarrassment and to get away from the harsh sun falling into the room.

You couldn’t help but smile when you hear Phil from downstairs laugh, “See! I told you everything would be fine! You really worry way too much, Techno.” you had to agree. You have no idea what Techno and you even are right now, but you were ready to stumble through it with him till you’re both ready to talk about it.

#dream smp x reader #dreamsmp x reader #mcyt x reader #technoblade x reader #fluff #woo yeah woo yeah yeah content #let me know if i should do a part two #honestly im not super happy with this but you didnt hear that from me. i hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless

[zhanyes]

Tianshan dating headcannons because i also love these two dumbasses too

Also dedicated to @el-mundo-real who requested tianshan headcannons 🖤

. . .

- Literally no one knows whether they’re dating or not. Not even themselves because they don’t talk about it

- Jian yi thinks they’re dating already and Zhengxi says they’re still getting there (somehow they’re both right) and they make a bet

- He tian likes staying over at Mo’s and he’s gotten pretty close to mama Mo

- Mama Mo teaches him how to knit !! He tried to knit a scarf for Mo but it came out a little messy and tangled. Mo still wears it anyway saying it’s a waste of yarn if not used (He’s actually really touched)

- He eats dinner there about 5 times a week and sleeps over thrice a week. He’s a permanent fixture in the house now, he has his own plate and mug, utensils, toothbrush, a spare key, and more than half of his closet migrated to Mo’s closet

- Sometimes Mo “accidentally” wears He tian’s sweaters and He tian dies a little bit every time

- Sometimes He tian deliberately wears Mo’s clothes and it’s always tighter and a bit shorter on his body so when he moves his arms the shirt rides up. Mo guanshan shouts at him to change and to stop contaminating his clothes but his ears are red anyway

- They bicker A LOT. Over the smallest things because He tian loves riling him up and Mo gets riled up too easily

He tian, for the 7th time in 5 minutes: “What does this thing do?”

Mo guanshan, losing his mind: “THAT’S A FUCKING MICROWAVE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT DO?!”

- There are times when homicide is the best option

Mo Guanshan: “I acknowledge that I can be mean sometimes-”

He tian, in the bathtub: “Sometimes?”

Mo Guanshan: “Shut the fuck up. So I brought you a bath bomb as a peace offering.”

He tian: “That’s a fucking toaster.”

Mo guanshan: “Exactly. A bath bomb.”

- Contrary to what his actions say, Mo guanshan is actually relieved that He tian spends most of his time in their apartment. He tian never told him but he can see how lonely the other teenager is

- Mo guanshan tries to teach He tian chores because He tian knows nothing about cleaning or doing everyday things

Mo guanshan: “How the fuck do you not know how to wash dishes where the hell do you eat?!”

He tian, drinking milk straight out the carton: “Obviously on plates, Momo. I just throw them away after.”

Mo guanshan, sputtering: “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THROW OUT PLATES?!”

- The first and only recipe that He tian managed to cook successfully is instant noodles with boiled egg that’s not quite cooked enough. Sometimes he brings Mo noodles as breakfast in bed and he looks so proud of it Mo has a hard time saying that the noodles are overcooked and that noodles aren’t exactly breakfast food (he eats it anyway)

- Mo sometimes, only sometimes, brings He tian grocery shopping because he needs to learn how to buy food for himself. Somehow He tian always ends up in the miscellaneous section where he has a pack of ballpens he’ll never use, 2 journals he’ll also never use, a couple of scented candles, various dog clothes and leashes for the dog he doesn’t have, a couple’s mug, and a vase in his cart

- He tian stopped trying to barge into Mo guanshan’s bed and sleeps on the futon on the floor beside it. It’s not the most comfortable and he had a hard time sleeping on it at first but he likes being in Mo’s company even while sleeping

- Sometimes Mo would move in his sleep and leave his arm dangling on the side of the bed, He tian grabs it of course and Mo wakes up to sweaty palms. He still leaves it for a few moments before harshly slapping away He tian’s hand

- Mo’s hands aren’t smooth at all because of working all the time and practicing the guitar but He tian loves them all the same. He likes to feel the contrast in textures with his slightly smoother hands

- He tian has a thousand pictures of Mo guanshan sleeping in various angles and poses. He has his favorites framed and keeps it on his bedside table in his apartment so when he’s sleeping there he still feels like they’re sleeping together

- Mo guanshan has a few of He tian sleeping but he swears up and down that he'll never do anything as disgusting as that. He makes one of them his wallpaper.

- Sometimes when they don’t feel like sleeping yet they stay up talking and arguing about random things

Mo guanshan: “Why would aliens be in space? The ocean is definitely the way to go.”

He tian: “But why would they be in the ocean? They’ll drown.”

Mo guanshan: “They’re aliens maybe they have gills or some shit.”

He tian: “I’m telling you they’re not in the ocean, Mo.”

Mo guanshan: “And I’m telling you you’re wrong, bastard.”

- On rare days they would stay up talking about their pasts and about life in general, with the lights closed and the only source of light is the moonlights from the window

- One of these nights, Mo told He tian about what happened to his dad and their restaurant, why they’re in so much debt over it and He tian holds Mo’s hand tightly throughout

- He knew better than to say that he could pay for that debt so Mo doesn’t need to worry anymore (He still says it anyway and Mo blew a fuse) but he swore to help Mo through other means

- The next day he orders a whole carton of mangoes, apples and peaches in his apartment and learns how to peel properly through youtube and Zhengxi

- He goes to Mo’s part time job in the grocery and helps him peel fruits, Mo guanshan doesn’t mention anything when he notices the bandaids on the other’s hands but he does cook him beef stew for dinner

- As expected He tian’s presence brings more customers and the manager asks if he wants to work there permanently but he said he’s only working for Mo so the manager can give Mo a raise instead

- Once, Mo got sick so he missed his part time job for the day (He was supposed to give away flyers on the streets) and got extra pissy because He tian didn’t visit him and wouldn’t answer his phone 

- Apparently He tian took over his job for the day and he only finds out when he goes to the manager and the manager asks when his ‘boyfriend’ can come back to work again because the customers love him

- He tian almost never talks about himself but once he talked about the puppy who disappeared after he saves it and then found out that it’s still alive after all these years

- Mo keeps quiet about it the whole time he was talking and the next few days he takes time to knit a small dog plushie and leaves it on He tian’s futon

- He tian didn’t cry, he didn’t (he did), but he hugged Mo and whispered a sincere thank you. For once, Mo lets it happen

- Mo quickly regrets his decision when He tian names the plushie “Chicken sandwich”

- He tian brings Mo in a lot of not-dates (according to Mo) like arcades, ocean parks, festivals, and fairs because he didn’t get to go as a kid and he wants to experience it for the first time with Mo

- They get crazy competitive in every game. Every. Single. One. If it’s a co-op shooting game they would compete on who kills the most enemies, if it’s a harmless crane game it becomes a competition of who can get the most plushies

- They both each have a photobooth strip. Mo keeps his as a bookmarker in a journal, and He tian has his in the back of his phone.

- They go on a double not-date with Jian yi and Zhengxi and it ends up in almost getting chased by a police car at 2 am in pokemon onesies and holding a bag of chips 

- Sometimes Mo would visit his dad in prison and just rant to him about He tian

Mo guanshan: “The nerve of that guy to do something like that in front of a teacher urgh.”

Papa Mo: “Your boyfriend sounds like a fun guy, son. I want to meet him soon.”

Mo guanshan: “BO-BOYFRIEND?!”

Papa Mo: “Yes???”

Mo guanshan: “No??? That bastard isn’t my boyfriend??”

Papa Mo: “Are you sure about that?”

Mo guanshan: “...Yes?”

- Enter gay panique because he doesn’t actually know whether He tian is his boyfriend or not

- They don’t call each other boyfriends and they never talked about it so no??? But they’re also not just friends so maybe??? Do they go on dates?? Can grocery trips be considered dates??

- He rings up Jian yi and the blonde just laughed for 5 minutes straight without stopping and he wonders how he’s still breathing

Mo Guanshan, after hearing Jian yi laughing for 5 minutes: “Are you fucking done?”

Jian yi, trying to catch his breath: “Man this is some top-tier entertainment.”

Mo guanshan: “WELL?!”

Jian yi: “Look bro literally no one knows whether you’re dating, fucking, planning each other’s murder OR planning a murder together.”

Mo guanshan: “What if it’s all of the above?”

Jian yi: “Then congratulations…? Please don’t murder me?”

Mo guanshan: “Urgh you’re fucking useless I should have called Zhengxi.”

Jian yi: “Wait don’t, I don’t wanna lose the bet. How about this, there’s a festival upcoming for couples and families, if He tian asks you then you’re probably, maybe, dating?”

Mo guanshan: “That’s stupid. AND WHAT BET?!”

Jian yi: “Ah woops gotta water my dog.”

- Mo tells himself that it’s stupid and there’s no way he’s falling for that...but he feels disappointed anyway when He tian doesn’t ask him the following days

- He tian asks on the last day before the festival, but he asks mama Mo first and Mo guanshan second cuz he wants to celebrate with both of them. He confessed that he’s never actually went to a festival with a family before so he was trying to build up courage to ask

- Mo guanshan is an absolute goner after that

- On the day of the festival, they find Zhanyi there on a date but decide to leave them alone. While they were leaving Jian yi kept throwing Mo guanshan so much winks that Zhengxi thought he got something in his eye

- The festival was fun but Mo couldn’t take his eyes off how happy and content He tian looks

- Queue cliche fireworks scene but it’s He tian being amazed by the fireworks and Mo looking mesmerized at him thinking, “Ah, I want him to look at me like that.”

- The next day, he drags He tian to visit his dad in jail

Papa mo: “Oh this is a surprise, you’ve never brought someone before?”

He tian, trying to introduce himself: “Hello, sir. I’m He tian, Mo guanshan’s fri-”

Mo guanshan, cuts him off: “Boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend, dad.”

He tian:

#19 days #19 days headcannons #19 days hc #tianshan #mo guan shan #he tian #zhanyi #jian yi #zhan zheng xi #am i procrastinating updating my fics and 19 days socmed au by posting random 19 days stuff? #yes yes i am #old xian