#I think rewatching it would make me too nostalgic and sad

[reblogthiscrapkay]

So I just finished rewatching Succession (immediately after watching it for the first time) and it really is a show that demands multiple viewings. What struck me most this time around was that in your first viewing of the show, you're kind of set up to view Kendall as the default main character and the most likely "winner" but when you divorce yourself from that idea, you notice a lot more.

Because Roman snuck up on me as my favorite character during my first viewing, I wasn't really following his story as closely so the second time, I found myself following it a lot more and, bias aside, if any of the kids were to "win" in the end, it should have been him (although I absolutely wouldn't change the ending; I think it was perfect).

This is most clear to me in the final episode. Everyone talks about the scene where Kendall hugs Roman so aggressively that his stitches reopen and it's a great scene but what happens before it is really powerful too. When Kendall first sits in Logan's chair you see this very subtle discomfort on Shiv and Roman's faces like, "Oh no. What have we done?" but it's not enough for you to necessarily think they are going to betray him.

Then after Shiv leaves, Roman sees Gerri in the hallway and kind of breaks down. He says he doesn't want to go into the meeting and this eventually turns into, "It could have been me." It's a reminder that throughout all of season three and half of season two, Roman was actually the one doing the best work at the company. Why? Because he had an actual ally in Gerri. Kendall had his experience and sheer determination and Shiv had a false promise from Logan but Roman had actual, tangible support from someone with power. He and Gerri spend a bunch of time raising each other up and it actually works. She believed he could win. He believed she could get him there and if it wasn't going to be him, he wanted it to be her. But his messy feelings for Gerri is also the reason everything fell apart for him. Being reminded of what he could have accomplished got into his head.

Even his assertion at the end that everything is bullshit and they're all bullshit (echoed from the first episode) also kind of shows why he would do well at the job. Kendall believes he's entitled to it and is constantly shooting himself in the foot. Shiv lacks the experience and is incapable of loyalty. But Roman always knows deep down that it's all a silly game. He wants to win, sure, but he's able to bend to whatever needs to happen without letting it personally affect him. His emotions that he denies having are about individual people, not business. The fact that he has a genuine capacity for love means Logan views him as weak but it's that separation of emotions that makes him stronger than Kendall or Shiv who are constantly letting their feelings affect their business decisions. The one time Roman slips up on this, the dick pic, it takes him down completely, but that's so minor compared to all the times Kendall lets his feelings control him. Honestly if Logan hadn't been so horrified by it (and let's be real he seemed more horrified by the fact that Gerri is "old" than that his son is sending dick pics to employees) and Shiv hadn't been so determined to use it against her brother, it could have been nothing.

Of course, the "it's bullshit" attitude is also why Roman will be fine. Kendall and Shiv are in hell, and Roman is just chilling with a martini: kind of sad for what was lost, kind of nostalgic as martinis are Gerri's drink, but he'll be able to move on far better than his siblings.

#just had to spit out some thoughts #succession #roman roy

[ozmaonabadday]

I’ve taken some time to gather my thoughts, and I’m sure I’m not going to say anything that anyone else hasn’t already said, but I figured I’d share my thoughts nonetheless, because were a community, and that means we care about each other.

I was introduced to Rooster Teeth near the end of middle school, by the same friend who introduced me to Neon Genesis Evangelion, and forever changed the trajectory of my life.

We watch Red Vs Blue season 5 while I was staying the night, and I was absolutely hooked.

I went back and caught up on the rest of the series, and honestly, I think I related to Church way too hard.

Few years passed. I saw they’d put RvB on Netflix, and feeling nostalgic I rewatched it. Out of curiosity, I decided to check out what RT had done after that, only to discover they’d put out SEVEN MORE SEASONS, which I of course immediately binged, like a gluttonous beasty.

It was in the bittersweet aftermath of that binge session that I decided to give RWBY a shot. I’d seen it advertised under RvB playlists, and out of desperation for more of anything like RvB, I decided to give the Red Trailer a shot.

Now this was during the hiatus between Volume 2 and Volume 3, shortly after Monty’s passing, and in those days I was nowhere near as online as I am now, but RWBY is definitely a huge part of why I am online. I tore through the first two Volumes. I started making fanart, I tried to introduce my friends to the show. I desperately googled any information I could find about when Volume 3 would be coming out (this is when I learned about Monty’s passing, and his impact on some of my favorite moments in RvB).

When V3 was announced, I immediately subscribed to RT first. And have been following RWBY ever since. I watched each episode as it came out, I would binge the entire series (some times multiple times) before a new volume came out. I joind RP servers, I created oc’s, I created a LOT of fanart. I have a yearly tradition of drawing a Ruby Rose piece just to check my progress as an artist. Just last year I started writing fanfic. I’ve got a bit of merch. I love RWBY. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve kept up with RvB pretty well, and I watched a bit of Camp Camp and Gen:Lock, but RWBY is my shit.

I know a lot of people are sad, scared, and confused right now. I know I was when I found out yesterday. I didn’t exactly keep up with the nitty-gritty of what was happening with RT as a studio, and a lot of the projects didn’t really strike my fancy, but there were a lot of things I adored from RT. I’m sad to see them closing their doors, and I’m just as desperate for information as the rest of you.

But we’re a community, and that means we care about each other.

I care about you.

I don’t care who you ship with who, I don’t care if you hate my favorite character, or what head canons you have for which characters. I care about you, and I’m glad you’ve been a part of this community for as long as you have been. I’m glad to have known you, even remotely. I’m glad to have seen your fanart, or gotten mad at your hot takes, or laughed at your incorrect quotes. I’m glad we’ve been a community.

This isn’t a declaration of defeat. I don’t know the future of RWBY any better than the rest of you do.

This is an acknowledgment, and an expression of gratitude. CRWBY may have made the series, but you all made this community. As much as it can sometimes be a dumpster fire, you make me proud to be a part of the FNDM.

So, I guess… thanks.

#rwby #rwby fandom #rwby fndm #fndm #rooster teeth #greenlight volume 10

[solmints-messyocdiary]

Tw: Animal death, suicide mention, blood, gore, torture mention, violent ideas

[Mismatched excerpts ripped off from Finley's Journal. The dates have been scribbled away with a black pen.]

It feels weird writing on a journal. Like something a teenager might do instead of a grown ass man who works from 9 to 5.

But I needed to destress and let it out on some pages after talking with my mother on the phone. I hate hearing her shrill voice on the other side of the receiver. The only thing she can do is complain and complain and complain about the same thing over and over again. I don't want to see that man either... I hate him more than her.

I can't handle her and to think I have to go and visit them on Thanksgiving and Christmas I feel like I am going to lose my damn head.

At least I can let things out and still practice my writing if needed, so that's a plus. I haven't had much time to update my book, and that's making me a bit sad. Hopefully, I'll be able to write a bit.

Might treat myself and go the diner to get some choco pancakes and a milkshake. Those will surely cheer me up.

Really want pancakes and milkshakes...

-

The longer I stay on this damn job, the more I feel like I am going to lose myself. I've been spacing out every 5 minutes whenever someone talks to me. It's hard. (Hehe)

I had to stay 2 more hours overtime, no pay for my hard work the 3rd time this week. I had to wake up earlier, too. I arrived around 8 instead of 9 because the computers were acting up at my workplace and needed me, the IT guy, to fix them.

Not to mention, the printer too... If I have to fistfight the printer again, or hear any of my coworkers complain, particularly Brandon, I am going to strangle them. I am really going to snap!!!

I wish their heads would just explode into a bloody mess. Just Carrie them off with my mind powers whenever I feel annoyed of them. They surely deserve that, particularly Brandon and my boss. Fuck those two. The world would be better if they didn't exists. We don't need red flags walking around the office... only me! Haha!

-

I promised myself to do it again, but alas, old habits die hard as the saying goes.

Went to the beach for a dip and found a baby bird on the sand. Ants surrounding its small body and biting pieces away to bring it to their lair. Lucky for me, I always have my camera with me. Never the one to miss a chance.

I guess I should be sad but that's how nature is.

Cruel.

I wonder how others would react if they saw my ant-bitten corpse...

-

Finished rewatching Scream 2 and...

Damn... Why is Mickey kinda...?

Like... you know? If I was a girl I'd be into him and have his poster hanging over my bedroom wall haha.

Still angry at Scream 2 for killing Randy, tho. He was my favorite.

Rented Carrie, Slaughter High, Graduation, Prom Night, for tonight. Felt a bit nostalgic for some reason. Getting shoved in a locker every tuesday really does something to a guy. Going to have a nice movie night with myself while I think of my high school times.

Totally good for my mental stability, yup!

-

I wonder how my old high school friends have been doing...

Do they remember me with disdain? Are they happy with their life? More successful? Managed to marry a nice gal or guy and have many kids together? A stable job and nice suburban house?

...

Fuck them.

-

Death still scares me.

I thought that if I forced myself to witness the worst of the worst. Every torture imaginable, researching hours and hours and hours of how a body decays, how long does it take for it to rot, shrink, turn into dust.

Live footages of people getting decapitated, stabbed, run over, split in half, drowned, squashed to death, gutted, burned alive, choked, flayed.

I'd grow out of it.

It's not that hard to look for stuff like that as long as you know where to find it and you're patient.

Will I ever be able to look at their loved ones in their eyes. Admit that I saw the last moments of their brother, mother, a cousin? The light leaving their eyes?

I thought I've become numb enough to just stare attentively, not blinking for a second.

People I know will die one day. Complete strangers, lives of theirs I will never know, are dying as I write this.

And yet, I remain wide awake. Imagining how it'll feel for my body to reach nothingness. The maggots feasting on my insides, eating away little by little. Gourging themselves on the bile and flesh and pus from my organs till they become fat, squirmy little bugs. Eating, mating, dying, rinse and repeat over and over and over again.

My skin itches thinking of it. Like they have already managed to crawl deep inside.

Even a death as boring and not spectacular like an illness terrifies me.

-

How long do I have left? Have I wasted my life? Is it too late for me?

When will I die...

-

I miss my friends from high school... some of them I've forgotten their names...

I sometimes think about Chelsea. No, I am always thinking about her...

If I contact her... will she ever forgive me?

It's too late to cry over spilt milk.

-

Seems I've been thinking about death a lot lately.

I went to go see a movie to try and fend of the feelings of dread and paranoia that have been seeping in me.

Stale popcorn, overpriced and oversized. Check.

Watered down soda. Check.

Badly directed horror film? Check.

Annoying and talkative patrons? Double check.

The blood effects weren't as cool compared to others, but at least the lead was hot even if she couldn't act to save her life.

-

Why am I even trying?

-

I made a blog.

I post all the pictures I've taken from dead animals and roadkill.

-

I feel numb.

-

I haven't been feeling real as of late. I even dared touch one of the spilt out guts of a cat behind an alleyway. I wanted to feel something. See if I was still here. I pushed my fingers in, feeling the slimy and sticky organs. It burned and I janked my hand away.

It felt surreal.

I can't feel my hands or face at times. Like they weren't even there to begin with.

-

I think I might go to a therapist.

-

I want to die...

#oc: finley madigan #final boy: finley madigan #my writing #my oc #final boy #wip #tw animal death #tw torture mention #tw gore #oc lore #angst

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: A formal apology to Last Night In Soho

People who have followed me for a while, or done some serious backreading may remember an early essay I wrote about the Edgar Wright film Last Night In Soho and how I couldn't make myself to watch the thing again. I've been trying to dig the thing up again so I could do a good follow-up, but Tumblr's search function continues to be Like That, so I'll just have to go by my memory of the thing for now. Last Night In Soho spoilers and some dreaded nuance below the cut!

In short, I struggled with how mean-spirited the film felt to me. Protagonist Eloise Turner gets chewed up and spitten out by a London that is sleazy, cruel and unforgiven even in the genre of "country mouse goes to the Big City and has a Terrible Time of Things" stories. It's a morally messy and gray kind of tale, where our hero narrowly evades a victim turned villain by the cruelty of the world around her by confronting her with the cruelties she herself indulged in. It's a real Bad Vs. Evil kind of situation, and just thinking of how much of an exhausting, terrifying experience the story would turn to for young Eloise made her early scrappy, if naive, enthusiasm turn to ash in my mouth.

The thing is, upon actually watching the thing again, and through explaining what's going on to my parents that, bless 'em, weren't quite following along on the plot, I came to realize something. All of the things mentioned above are true, that is what happens in the movie, and that's ok.

Eloise gets the utter shit kicked out of her by the plot. She falls down the tree of Moving to the Big City and hits just about every branch on the way down. Her natural empathy gets hijacked by a tale more sordid and violent than she's ready for, and there's no pot of golden rectification at the end of that rainbow, just a sad, twisted murderous grandmother dying in a house fire surrounded by the ghosts of her murdered abusers. It didn't have to end this way, Sandie didn't have to try killing Eloise to cover everything up. If she wasn't so warped from the abuse she suffered she might've even understood that Eloise has a lot in common with her, even when you ignore that she has, through her paranormal powers, Eloise has literally BEEN her. Eloise has literally felt her pain, her fear, her desperation. There is nobody in the world, maybe not even Sandie herself that has as good of a reason to be charitable and kind fo Sadie. It's no good, though, Sandie is too far gone to even consider empathy a possibility.

This is, of course, bleak as shit, and how bleak it is kind of blinded me to the point the movie was making. Upon a rewatch it seems almost absurd to me that I missed it in the first place, but the movie actually has a pretty clever thesis on Nostalgia built into it. Eloise goes to london, expecting it to be as magical of a place as she imagine it being in the late 60's. It is not, of course, even if the 60's was a stylish wonderland like she imagines it, the wear and tear of time and several generation-defining economic crisises (and entirely too many Tory governments if you permit me to talk politics for a hot second) have changed the place up. That is, however, just the starting conditions, the base camp from which Eloise's nostalgic dreams get confronted with the nastiness of reality.

Sadie is in many ways the perfect person for Eloise to project onto. She strides into the world of late 60's Soho with the effortless confidence of youth. She's not from around here, but she is going to make her dreams come true withher gumption and her beautfy and her unflinching confidence. Sounds a lot like Eloise, except Sadie is more of a girlboss than Ellie ever gets to. Of course, Sadie also falls out of the tree of moving to the Big City and hits a whole ton of branches on the way down, but that's not all there is to it. See, if the takeaway of the whole thing was "the protagonist thinks Before was better, but she learns that Before Was Pretty Terrible Actually," Last Night would truly be too cynical, full of pain and suffering, signifying nothing.

That's not what's happening though, if it did, Eloise would take half a look at what Sadie's life turned into and gotten the fuck out of dodge. It'd be a tale of the depravity of the city that a good soul narrowly escaped. That's not the movie Last Night In Soho is, and it's not even close. If anything, Eloise's obsession with South London and the sad life and assumed death of Sadie only deepens as she learns of just how bad things get for the doomed starlet.

It's one of those plot things that effectively illustrates that the difference between a character strength and a character weakness is highly dependent on context. Eloise is an emphatetic person, mirroring her openness to ghostly visions by her openness to other living people. It does her no favors in most interractions with her new classmates, but Eloise can no more stop feeling sympathy and openness to experience and feelings any more than a tiger can change its spots.

So, Eloise is an admirable character because she can not stop being kind, even when it's a disadvantage. She could no more fire back at her queen bee bitchy roomate than she could walk on water, and so she choses to resolve the solution by moving out entirely. It's that kind of "too nice by half" personality that's mostly present in fictional characters to give them a place to grow out of, to learn to stand up to themselves and so on. That's not the angle Last Night goes for though, I'd argue what it does is a much more nuanced take on such a character.

I would argue, though, that throughout Last Night In Soho, Eloise's empathy is in fact her most grievous character flaw. She almost ruins her life and her future by actively seeking out Sadie's tragedy, soaking in it like she can redeem the time period she is so enamored by absorbing Sadie's misery and quote-unquote saving her from her ignoble end. The world does not require this of Sadie, she puts this unreasonably huge demand on herself because it's the only way her unquestioning love for the time and place of Sadie's life can remain unexamined. Sadie's tragedy can only be an emergent flaw in the system of that time and place. If late 60's Soho chewed up and spat out young ambitious women like her and Sadie as a matter of course, how could it be the magical place of the movies and music that Eloise loves so much?

It's with this in mind that the ending scene where Eloise displays her new clothes designs goes from being a "oh, nice for her I guess" kind of denoument into a pretty powerful thesis statement. Eloise stil loves the things she loved about the 60's, she still loves the music, the aesthetics of it, the style of the clothing, but it is tempered by a distinctive and conscious sense of anachronism. This isn't the 60's coming back, this is Eloise, a modern young woman, showing the world what she loved about those bygone times filtered through her own experiences. This is, the movie says, what Nostalgia should be, an ongoing conversation with and about the aesthetics of the past without attempting to restore some sort of prelapsarian way of things that never existed in the first place.

In a world where an increasing amount of people start looking at the 50's with a worrying level of fondness, I think a movie like Last Night In Soho is important. It's ok to like rockabilly, it's ok to like stepford housewife chic, it's ok to like three-piece work suits, the movie all but says, but don't try to make today like the times when these styles arose. They weren't the Good Old Days the way it's tempting to think of them. They were Days, and depending on who you were they could be the farthest thing from good. Love the things and looks you love, but let the thoughts patterns and politics that informed them remain in the past where they belong.

So in short, I fear that in my initial piece on this movie, I did the Classical Tumblr Mistake of reading ill, conservative, will into a nuanced work that deals with complex topics in a surprisingly elegant way. So, that's my bad, and I'm glad that actually getting off my ass and giving it a second look has opened up my eyes to a lot of beautifully shot, artfully presented nuance. Last Night In Soho is a great move y'all. Go see it. Hell, if you've only seen it once, maybe see it again?

#last night in soho #film friday #also I haven't even gotten into how much of a trippy giallo-esque delight this movie is visually #or the clear and apparent love that's been put into the soundtrack #and the camerawork? Oh lord #I have to write a third damn thing about this movie now don't I? #stay tuned for that I suppose #Also I'm starting to wonder if the fact that I first saw this movie on a date that went to a kinda weird place may have biased me against i #Keep an eye out for my confused thoughts about The Boy And The Heron in that case #I'd say iykyk #but you don't so I won't #Finally (do anyone ever read all of these?) I'd apologize for the pun with the first gif #but I'm not sorry #not even a little bit

[s-c-g-s-c-g]

Friday AMV Recs

Usually, this would be a fic rec post. However, I've been thinking about Anime Music Videos lately and feeling nostalgic for the many hours I spent watching them as a teenager. They're fanworks too! Today I've got three moving AMVs focused on an anime movie. Each one contains at least some visual spoilers (in and/or out of context depending on the AMV).

The Passing of Men by Madmancross - Metropolis (2001)

Honestly, the choices of music and the speech here are inspired. I struggle to articulate why, exactly, but something about combining The Great Dictator and Metropolis just works on more than just a surface level. I rewatch it on occasion and it never fails to make me emotional.

Fiat Lux by PieandBeerAMV - Tokyo Godfathers

This AMV is not the reason I watched Tokyo Godfathers one Christmas but it honestly could have been if I'd seen it earlier. There's something really special about an AMV that manages to capture the message and feeling of its source material. This AMV really succeeds at getting a sentimental atmosphere across.

A Corner of Home by Nekokitkat - In This Corner of the World

A wonderful choice of song and really good balance of emotions. In This Corner of the World is set during World War II but really the movie is about life and people. This AMV really succeeds in capturing the sadness along with the sweetness. The timing in places is absolutely exquisite and makes me emotional every time.

#anime amv #amv recs #anime music video #anime music video recommendations #metropolis 2001 #tokyo godfathers #in this corner of the world #kono sekai no katasumi ni #friday amv recs

[nevergonnasimpyoumikey]

What did you think of that GTA trailer???

I loved it! Looks amazing, obviously, the color and the different sceneries... So gorgeous! I already love Lucia and Jason (hot hot hot hot), can't wait to see how their story goes but the trailer song is giving me some ideas:

There was a girl I knew / She said she cared about me / She tried to make my world / The way she thought it should be / Yeah, we were desperate then / To have each other to hold / But love / Is a long, long road

Kinda hoping for some "Lucia corrupting Jason" arc??? 👁👄👁 Since she seems more dominant based on the "Trust?" "Trust." scene which had me !!!!!! btw. I know I'm easy but I don't care, I loveeeee strong character relationships and if they can just bring that enough in the actual game too, it'll be so good. I'm a sucker for difficult love stories and I'm so excited, I hope it's a really strong part of the game with maybe multiple choices on how it's gonna end.

Also Lucia going to prison in the middle of the story instead of starting from there, which is kinda traditional for GTA, would be so cool! I'd love a few prison missions.

I'm a bit sad that the rumor about it being set in the 80s wasn't true because my nostalgic ass would have loved that, but then again, there's so many current day phenomena for R* to parody that I'm okay with this :D Just as it's fun to rewatch V laughing at 2010 things like hipsters and hating hipsters, in 2030 I will watch back at VI making fun of something that won't be relevant at all anymorr. :D There’s a charm to that, the games being portrayals of their time. Even small things like playing IV and taking Niko to an internet café is so stupidly amazing to me. :"DD

Going a bit off-topic here but all this being said, I'm seeing a lot of negativity about a new game being released and "V being forgotten" which makes me a bit sad :D I guess the difference is if you're a fan of the series or just one of the games, and I'm very much a fan of the whole series — the style, the way there are nods to the other games, sometimes the stories woven together so perfectly (for example Catalina, or IV/TLAD/TBOGT diamond story line). I'd say give all the other games a chance too and don't just get stuck on one of them, there's amazing stories and characters in all of the games!

But I get it, change is scary, and yeah, the older games don't get as much attention as the newer ones, so I guess some fans are panicking about their favorite now being treated like the other games? But like... fandoms don't die as long as there's fans, so just keep doing what makes you happy and there'll be others who do the same. IV fandom is going strong after 15 years despite there being a newer game just because the love for the story and the characters is so strong, why would it not be the case for V?

I know the heartbreak of V will stay with me forever, the themes of the game will affect my writing forever, and if I just can, I would like to keep creating for the characters for years more. I rarely forget a fandom anyway but V is still so strong in me even though my writing and "online presence" has slowed down because of life being shit sometimes. But I'm also really very excited for VI and more iconic characters and the fics and the art and new people loving the series and THE ZINES (we gotta do a zine or two!!!) and everything, and I just wish I can have other people excited around me, so... please come fangirl with me 🥹🥹🥹

#Thanks for the question and sorry for the ramble XD #It's been a REALLY rough couple of days but it's helping to focus on something nice 🥹

[scrapyardboyfriends]

I've been rewatching 2009 and 2010 Emmerdale, and I'm again reminded of how good it was. Firstly, Danny's performance was absolutely incredible. He 100% deserved the praise he got for his performance. I also love how Gavin Blyth brought back the farming aspect and really focused on the community feel of the show. Like I ended up caring about the more 'minor' characters, simply because of their relationships and interactions with other characters. Ryan Lamb for example was a little boring on his own and he didn't have a lot of interesting storylines, but I liked his interactions with other characters, like Aaron. Same with Jackson, they actually showed him getting to know people outside of Aaron. I think that's what the show is missing at the moment. Honestly, if the show wins best soap again I'll be kind of annoying, because honestly I really think Eastenders or Hollyoaks have been better as a whole recently. I would say I'm more of an Emmerdale fan typically, but both shows have more continuity at the moment, as well as more of a community feel. Emmerdale is kind of shambles at the moment.

It truly was a different era back then. The show is so soulless these days compared to 2009/10, when there was so much more community interaction. What little community interaction they have these days tends to feel highly calculated or just a desperate attempt for comedy.

The Jackson stuff you mention, is definitely something I can't really see happening now, or if it did, it wouldn't feel the same. Like for example, someone like Marcus came in and all of a sudden everyone had electrical problems for him to fix so he did technically interact with some people in the village but they were all weird plot points in his and Ethan's story and didn't really let the audience get to know Marcus very much and didn't lead to anyone having any kind of feeling toward Marcus one way or another. Even though he was interacting with a bunch of people at the start, he never felt like part of that community and when he left, literally no one even noticed.

I don't even like Jackson that much, but he felt like part of that community even before his accident. Having him work for Declan, and not just coincidentally, but because Aaron had a best friend desperate to help his mate out, was great, because it gave him a friendship with Declan, which carried through to his accident when Declan let him and Hazel have the house he had been working on and later on through Declan finding out that Jackson had died and being genuinely sad about it. That thread of friendship would never exist these days. And Hazel too genuinely connected to people in the village, with working at the cafe and sort of dating Bob and teaching art classes at the village hall etc. These people were genuinely part of the community and people cared when they were gone.

With Marcus, it's like...they had to give him everyone's favorite plot friend, Victoria, just for someone for him to talk to because he had no one in that village aside from Ethan otherwise.

I always think about the Barton family coming in too. They had no secret pasts with anyone. They were just new characters coming in and it was so refreshing compared to now. And I loved the stuff with Moira working at the pub and her interactions with Marlon and Diane. I miss people working at the pub that weren't just Chas. Haha.

I mean I miss the pub being a central hub for the show, period. It's starting to get back to it a little, which is nice but it's been very slow going and it really hurts the show. There were just so many great interactions in the pub in the old days and now it just still feels dead or mostly Dingles. It's a shame.

Sigh...you're making me nostalgic.

#emmerdale complaints corner

[everythingsinred]

Okay with the character bingo, I must inquire about your fandoms bc I don't want to be like "ahh what do you think of this fine lad"

And you being like :/ idk who that is nice bird tho

Like that would be kinda funny, but also it would be neat to hear about your other fandoms than GA. Like I've seen Go Piss Girl (Gossip Girl, but the only thing I know about that show is that meme 😅), The Office, something to do with spies? And one with characters that have big ol eyes but idk what it is.

In any case, for the time being, what your thoughts about ✨Mikan✨? My impression of her has changed a lot over the years, I first thought she was annoying but now I'm just kinda sad for her :,)

hi!!

yeah i dont watch owl house but im pretty sure thats hunter? if its not im sorry i only know what i see on my dash in passing lol. nice bird tho (hehe)

yeah i like gossip girl! i was at the height of that when i was 13 but its a nostalgic show for me. its not a show that i think too much abt ig. mostly i just quote it all the time w my sister. i have a gossip girl character as my icon now bc i like having matching icons w my sister! we like to switch through fictional friendships/sibling dynamics. 

i also LOVE the office and also all sitcoms of that nature (i love parks and rec, superstore, new girl, etc. i love funny shows that focus on sentimental relationships that end up making me ugly cry. i think the office might be my fav but tbh i thought that abt superstore AND new girl before so idk if i even have a fav).

spy x family is a new anime im into these days! its found family and very cute!

and show w big eyes... im not sure which one u mean hhh. i like a lot of anime, my favs being ga (ofc), jibaku shounen hanako-kun, and fruits basket. im also really into the webtoon hooky, which is abt witches.

anyway mikan time:

ONE OF MY FAV CHARACTERS OF ALL TIME. i talk abt natsume all the time so it might feel like hes my all time fav, but he and mikan actually share that place in my heart. 

yes similarly i also felt she was annoying when i first watched the anime (i was twelve when i first got into it). at such a young age i had a tendency to get irritated with the female mcs in media (internalized misogyny, etc) and mikan was 1. loud 2. bold 3. stupid, which are naturally unforgivable traits for a character to have (sarcasm). when i rewatched/reread at 14 i realized that i was looking at her all wrong. around the time i started observing the ga tumblr fandom around age 15 (i only recently started being active in the ga fandom bc i was too nervous before), there was a pervasive idea that mikan was a mary sue.

UGH so let me go off real quick. i will talk way more abt mikan in my next nm essay, but ill summarize some of my ideas briefly for this. mikan’s arc is all about feeling useful, having agency, and how best to help others. she is maybe one of the few characters who undergoes OVERWHELMINGLY negative character development. i dont mean she was flanderized or ruined, i mean that this little girl started developing the idea that she should smile all the time and hide all her negative feelings in order to make OTHERS feel better. this is not good! but its treated like its good, like thats the best choice she can make (this is the actual reason that i only ship her romantically w natsume actually, but ill go into that in my essay). it can be fun for a character to devolve, to make the wrong choice, but this change wasnt treated that way.

another issue is i genuinely HATE mikan having the stealing alice. she should never have had the stealing alice. do i realize thats more than half the manga im talking about? YES. it completely upended her character arc. her nullification alice was so understated! she felt like it was useless and was SO insecure about it. then all of a sudden she has the stealing alice, which can be dangerous, but definitely cannot be called “useless” and her story about uselessness/having a “boring” alice just. falls short. yukas story w the stealing alice was so meaningful and impactful on its own. mikan ALMOST being the next yuka couldve been compelling if it didnt ruin the set-up that the entire first half of the manga was focusing on. 

anyway mikan is NOT a mary sue for the above reasons. she is not effortlessly perfect. many people in the manga call her plain. she can be really stupid. she doesnt always save the day. in fact, other people often have to save her, making her feel useless (which is why she shouldve saved natsume. they were each other’s key to resolving arcs and yet. and YET.) she can be loud, brash, bold, and often says the wrong things. she has a really apparent character arc and calling her a mary sue ignores all that. ppl who think mikan is a mary sue are my worst enemy and i will fist fight them.

now ill talk a little about mikan in fanfics bc i think its worth mentioning, especially since i filled out that square abt her being done dirty. like i said, mikan is stupid. im not insulting her. some people are stupid. shes not good at academics. shes a lot more sporty than she is brainy. she rushes to conclusions and doesnt always think things through. shes not really a rational person all the time. fanfics often treat this stupidity as a negative trait to be fixed. maybe shes stupid when shes little but she’ll be a genius when she gets older! look how smart she is now! instead of just letting her be dumb. she has other traits, like deep empathy, athleticism, passion, optimism, that are often sacrificed in fanfic in order to make room for her made up intelligence. 

mikan in fanfic (especially if shes supposed to be older) is often painted as more subdued than her loud manga counterpart, more often cynical, introverted, skeptical, etc., and ALWAYS pretty even if SHE doesnt see it (despite being described often as plain in the manga). i have some theories about this. 

1: western fans are more comfortable making mikan like a western mc than one more typical of anime. if u think abt what a typical western female lead looks like, she’s usually less feminine, “not like other girls,” a smart bookworm who is cynical and rational. this is familiar so i think a lot of western fanfic writers end up leaning mikan this way even at the cost of making her unrecognizable. so mikan being stupid and loud and optimistic are all traits to be fixed, bc theyre not as familiar in a lead role. 

2. fans want to have a mature mikan, and they think theres no way she can keep her childish traits, like stupidity, boldness, impulsiveness, and idealism, and NOT be a child. i find that ridiculous. why cant mikan be a giddy, happy, upbeat adult? why does she have to lose all the traits that make her mikan in order to demonstrate maturity? 

3. i might be off base with all of these, but this one... i feel the most strongly about. mikan is the main character. in a lot of stories, the reader is invited to relate to the main character, to project onto her. often, the main character is vague or universal BC imagining her as you is the whole point. fanfic (especially the older fanfic) turns mikan into that easily recognizable and relatable mc we can insert ourselves into. 

anyway i have a lot more thoughts on mikan, way more than i could ever say in one post (which is why im doing an essay series) but these are some basic thoughts i have. im sorry its so long. 

#ppl focus so much on making mikan what she isnt that they forget all the great things she IS. she doesnt need u to fix her! #she is my blorbo <3 i love her to the ends of the earth #sorry this is so long! i barely even got started tho #i have too many thoughts on her #sakura mikan #ga #ask games #answered #tardytothepardy #gakuen alice #also what i project onto mikan is feelings of uselessness #just bc she isnt a typical western mc doesnt mean shes not relatable! #im very protective of her <3 my beloved

[celestialvexation]

hi this is the anon before who said their only criticism for tmc was the timeline, but after al3x’s recent twitter qna i suddenly have a few others things i want to say about this series that i’m not sure where to share so i’m going to dump it in your inbox if that’s ok <3

anyway first things first i just want to say i love tmc, it’s one of my favorite analog horror series, i love the characters and the aesthetic, i love getting on discord to watch the newest videos with my friends, but even as my favorite series i’m still willing to criticism it (excluding the timeline thats already a mess). 

and lately i’ve been thinking about it after rewatching the latest video a few times and seeing other content creators react to it, i’ve just now realized that the series… doesn’t scare me anymore? maybe its because i’ve been watching it for a while, but probably not because the old videos still ruin my insomnia after i watch them tgouivrfi but aside from that ever since vol4 was released i just haven’t gotten scared by anything presented in the new videos at least once.

like the latest video didn’t give any horror vibes for me especially when adam namedropped god like ok cool (although i did love the sarah+evelin interactions we were given and hope there’ll be more of that duo), and the diary thing just idk its interesting but meh. this is just my opinion tho i hope no one attacks me for it

then i saw al3x say in his qna that vol1 was his least favorite video overall and tbh that… kinda makes me sad? because i still love that video since it still frightens me to this day, and seeing him not like it and make a new version that had some good parts removed + make it less scary just ehh this series really isn’t as frightening to me as it used to be…

its probably because of everything that’s gone with crewdela, with gab3 being fired and the community being infested with minors who want to sanitize horror (and a certain person in the crew who shall not be named) so this is just the end result…

but at the end of the day this is al3x’s series and he’s free to do what he wants with it and i will be seated for vol5, its still an interesting series to watch at the end of the day but just not as scary for me.

anyway sorry for traumadumping LOL /j

ohyah, you're free to info dump w/e thoughts you got! :3

i was honestly in the same boat as you, where tmc used to be my top series of all time cause of the usage of religion here, instead of the cookie cutter aesthetic of haunted animatronics or aliens invading the earth. while rlly not scary to me overall, the unsettling nature behind was enough to spook me!

however, as you've mentioned, it just stopped being scary overall when not only god was namedropped like that but....the intrigue around the series was just gone when "gabriel" revealed who he rlly is after all this time. the reveal happened way too soon, and using the usual "THE DEVIL WAS BEHIND IT ALLLLL" is just eh :/ could have made it where it could have been something else puppeting the body of the archangel gabriel??

and tbh, with how much lore and attention is given to emo fuck ( adam lmao ) here, it's feeling more and more like a damn soap drama that your grandparents would watch lmao nothing rlly horrifying, unsettling, or even violating in the sense that it's supposed to be intimate given the core concept that used to be present in early vids ( there's a reason why intimacy and religion tends to go hand in hand )

all the biblical horror flies out the window when we're seemingly supposed to care about adam here -- i honestly don't give a shit about the guy atp lmao i was here to watch some actual frightening shit, not...this

yeah, alex has mentioned several times that vol 1 wasn't his fave but goddamn, did he just...rlly made the scare factor and nostalgic elements even worse. nothing there to grasp you except "LOOK! THE ANIMATION IMPROVED!! :OOO"

those are my thoughts there lmao x3

#Anonymous #forever salty that this series just got *so sanitized* #religious horror is such a good concept #that when you fuck it up or just drop it entirely; it's like ''well what's even the point for caring?'' :/

[billiejeanenthusiast]

List of random thoughts 5/7/23

I’m now kind of an adult in the workforce and I have yet to need to transition my make up or clothes “from day to night”. Magazines really lied to me.

I honestly need a Taylor code. Not just bc I really want to see her live. I do. I really do. But bc I just need one good thing to happen to me in life. Lately it’s been rough.

I’m surprised the White House didn’t have a cocine scandal before. It’s literally called White House with the amount of high stress and high stakes I’d bet good Lokey it’s harder to find someone NOT doing cocaine than someone doing it.

I just saw a hot silver fox in his 50s dressed in a crisp shirt and suit pants parking his black Vespa next to the restaurant in my building. And that whole situation is so: Mediterranean summer at lunch hour.

I love Hart of Dixie. The show. I could write an essay on it. I’ve rewatched it so many times. I guess sometimes I’m just nostalgic for living in such a close knit community and small town.

Saturday morning I’m gonna step on that plane with a never bigger mix of emotions. How can I both love to return to a place and have someone absolutely ruining it for me so much I dread going back. I’m so happy to return. But I have the biggest stone in my stomach over it. I hate this feeling.

I hate the 2024 f1 calendar. Not bc it’s bad. But bc my life is so chaotic and I just can’t plan anything. And it makes me sad.

I should’ve taken a pill for my headache before I went to the post office. There’s just one person working and 11 people and it’s SO SLOW

I genuienly do think I’m someone who is happy just with the little things in life.

I GOT THE ERAS TOUR TICKETS CODES FOR SALE….and then immediately I realised that means nothing bc there’s still the whole war of actually buying the ticket.

I think I’ll probably sob through a solid 5-6 songs on that concert.

I think I’ll download glitter conspiracy videos to watch on my flight home.

Or actually no. It’s right the morning after Speak Now TV comes out. I’ll just spend the 45min listening to that.

It scared me that I’m 26 and I don’t feel a day older than like 23/24. I don’t know how to explain it. I’m scared to even say it to people. I just…is there something wrong with me? I blame COVID. I lose two years of my life.

I don’t think there is a single type of chocolate inverted that I would not like. Chocolate and shiny jewellery is the key to my heart. And no I don’t care that it sounds or is basic. Give me a pretty bracelet and some Belgian chocolates for an anniversary or just random day and you will get the freakiest dream come true sex of your life.

I feel like lately the whole universe has been a bit unhinged. Everyone and everything just seems on a looser tether. I can’t properly put into words the feeling but everything feels like it’s way closer to an edge than it was and that balancing on that edge is wobbly. People are more unhinged. The universe and what’s happening. A bunch of people I know have been having the most awful period of their lives. Others have been up to things the fbi couldn’t even come up for a fictional scenario. I too am a bit victim to this. I feel like I just …care less about any perception of me than ever before.

I would love to do one of those colour analysis things but they all feel just so incredibly MLM-ish to me. I’m not saying they are. They just give me that Avon and Mary Kay vibe.

#a compilation of thoughts I had today which I was tempted to tweet out but since I’m on a self imposed life raft here I’ll do this #daily random thoughts #July 2023

[onyxisnotuniqueenough]

i wasn't tagged in anything and will not tag anyone - partake if you want :)

(i saw @pastafossa 's post and just. removed the questions i didn't want to answer)

do you use sarcasm a lot? yes. more so irl i guess. am i sarcastic on here??

what's the first thing you notice about people? their teeth, skin/makeup and their hair

what's your eye colour? not-pools-of-honey-in-the-sunlight brown

scary movies or happy endings? i really like old horror movies because more modern ones are just. sad. and disgusting. like i'm not scared i just get sad for the people who die or whose lives get ruined.

and as for happy endings, depends on the movie - if it's a rom-com or a drama happy endings make me sad too, because. i am me

but i like them in corny comedies or animated ones. i don't know. sorry but this kind of a stupid question just ask for a favorite genre ( i don't have one)

also no one asked but what i hate the most in the horror genre is when a character gets zombified or gets controlled or literally reduced to slavery. like human centipede, tusk or something. probably why i hate what happens to jesse pinkman as much as i do. there is nothing more sad and nauseating and horrible than that

any special talents? my special talent is always finding a way to ruin my own life for myself for no reason

what are your hobbies? drawing, writing, sculpting, posting as an rp account of characters in one of my fav shows...

have any pets? i have had multiple cats in my life but currently no

what sports do you play/have played? let's not dwell on the past

how tall are you? what height am i giving. do i post like a tall person?

favourite subject in school?  french system so i guess french is the equivalent to when other people say "English". like literature. and PHILOSOPHY AAHHH. does theater count as a subject

dream job? none of these are realistic but actor, writer, film/tv writer, creating my own animated show...there's a lot of things i wish i could do.

but if i get realistic? i hope i can get away with being a lawyer maybe? but that obviously takes a lot of dedication and it's, from what i know, that kind of job that become your entire life. if that makes sense

honestly even a 9-5 job would be okay if i have enough free time to do something cooler on the side.

i have no idea where my life is going and yes, i am terrified

three ships: i've never shipped anyone i think

last song: heart attack (rock version) - demi lovato. this song is really cool and nostalgic but i just wish that it wasn't about having a normal crush and how you want to hold their hand. with this kind of drama and power in your vocals it would've been better if the subject was a little deeper

last movie: Scooby-Doo! And Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery (not kidding)

currently reading: my own tumblr posts to cringe at myself (i miss having the time and attention-span to actually read)

currently watching: better call saul (yk i'm on my brba - bcs rewatch. i talk about it too much)

currently consuming: not consuming just watching that unfinished cup of coffee from afar. i could grab it and finish but

currently craving: finishing my very-late assignments

[dreamingincerulean]

I took two walks today. Meant for just one walk, but road construction and traffic deterred me. I was like "Ok. Jen? You can do this!" and then I went home and I didn't do this. I went the other way, later on....and I'm trying not to beat myself up over all my anxiety today.

I stayed home (what's left of it) (not that it's dilapidated or something... we're just moving out so...it's not the same).....I could have went with my boyfriend's mom and his uncle to go see him....but I'd be there all day, and I'd have made her come home when she didn't want to come home.....and she wasn't planning on me coming up with her. . . so I allowed my anxiety to say "Oh I'll just stay home with the dogs."

AND I AGREED TO SIT WITH HER NASTY DUMB JUNK AT SOME POINT NEXT WEEK FOR A ILL-FATED YARD SALE.

I don't know why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Other than I can't say no to people, especially if I'm two seconds to an anxiety attack.

I learned some things about myself, though: I hate crossing the street when a car is waiting for me (or NOT waiting, just inching their way into the crosswalk) ....and I hate other pedestrians.

Not that I hate them, I just get really frazzled when they're around.

It is Friday night, I guess. Foot traffic was high, road traffic was wild...and my anxiety was soaring with the eagles.

BUT...I did it. I didn't mess up and I looked the cashier in his eyes sooooo...I did it, in a way. But it wasn't with some struggle. I did beat myself up a little bit, too.

I think when I am alone like I have been this week, it allows my anxiety to be around others grow exponentially.

Blew my money on some pop and ciggies. Secret Ciggies, because I'm meant to have quit, this year.

This year, of all years!?!?! Yeah...back in like February or March.

It's not going to be an every day thing. It never was. I never smoked a pack a day. It was more like a pack in three days. Not that that was great, either. But I digress....ciggies cause anxiety. Or elevate it, I should say. Exacerbate it.

I haven't sat and thought out anything, in these days of no interaction with others. I've checked out via Sims 4 and HBOMax.

Full House makes me extremely sad. The adults always prioritize making the kids' fears go away, as much as anyone can...and though no one's perfect, they're examples of good parenting and responsibility left and right. As an adult, I also realized how exploited the twins were. It's no wonder they bowed out of the limelight. Everyone used them to further their careers. (Maybe not the castmates, but the folks behind the scenes seemed to love to do it)

I wish they'd make new movies and tv shows and stop remaking things. Honestly...we need to stop existing in nostalgic clouds of wonder and wanting.

If Full House was real, if those were real characters, it wouldn't look like that at all.

Joey would be high on coke most nights, Jesse would probably die of a drug overdose and Danny would take to drinking. DJ would develop an eating disorder and Stephanie would become a prostitute....and Michelle would move away to college with Comet and wonder why everyone couldn't just get along like they used to, back when they were younger.

Maybe I've just been exposed to too many dysfunctional people in my lifetime and have yet to see someone genuinely kind, caring and considerate as much as the three adults seemed to be in Full House.

I don't think I want to watch any more of it.

I did rewatch most of The Nanny. Who kept a running gag of fatshaming everyone around her that wasn't a size two.

About the time the rich broadway dude began toying with his nanny's emotions in a prolonged fashion, I lost interest. There were no sharp barbs from the butler that could keep me interested.

I feel like I'm here, alone, essentially because I'm an unfun kind of depressive person. I have Major Depressive Disorder.....though none of the depression seems to ebb or ease in any way ever, these days. I have two anxiety disorders. (Social and General, so basically everything)....this doesn't win me anything, in life but rapid heartrates and sitting in a room surrounded by dogs and only dogs, wondering how people maintain their relationships with others and finding out that they don't, they just pretend they do, these days. I don't see anyone communicating much beyond their immediate vicinity. "If I can't sit in a room with you as I scroll through Tiktok for hours on end, in my pjs, I don't want your high maintenance friendship!" They meme that up something fierce, on all my social media.

I watched a few episodes of Friends. I never really got into that show.

You see my conundrum? I guess I should have been reading books or something. But my head was spinning, and I needed noise to break the looming silence.

I wish life was different.

[yesornoneil]

rewatching pretty little liars I knew would make me nostalgic and reminisce. But I don't think I anticipated how deeply burned into my psyche this show was. Like every scene is so completely familiar and vivid in my brain that I feel like I keep slipping back into who I was and where I was and what I was doing when I did watch this all those very first times. I'm 16 sitting on a laptop next to my soulmate on her bed. I'm 14 in my living room losing my shit over a couples' onscreen kiss with her. I'm 15 in her mom's room sitting on their couch way too close to the TV screaming at the ridiculousness of these characters with her pressed against my side. It reminds me of how just sitting in a room with her sometimes in complete silence doing our own things near each other sometimes being unable to get enough of each other's own undivided attention was always my safest places. And im sad of course and if I think too long I'll feel the pull of the sinkhole in my chest. But I'm also happy because I don't know who I'd be how I'd have survived without that. And watching it gives me in the slightest that feeling of safety and God did I miss it do miss it always but that feeling had already been leaving for a while before I eventually did. It was for the best and I hope this show always feels like being alone in a room together with your bicep pressed against mine

#we was girls together #my post #personal

[gayvillains]

honestly nothing makes me feel as old as the mighty boosh because my best friend and I were SO obsessed with it when we were 13 and now she has a husband, a kid, and a labrador

#I think rewatching it would make me too nostalgic and sad #we used to fuckin quote the old gregg scene like EVERY day at lunch #and the tarantula eggs bit #and we always sang the soup crimp and she was obsessed with the hitcher #it's just like very weird because I don't ever remember being obsessed with something *with* someone else other than that #so it's weirdly special because it was shared. and we don't really speak anymore

[getlostsquidward]

Love You for A Long Time

Hange Zoë x gn!reader

A/N: This is my first time writing for one of my fave anime characters<3 Just some self-indulgent fluff after I rewatched AoT, and man did that last ep left me nostalgic and sad. I consider this as a kind of consolation before I see that animated. LOL :D *ugly cries*

Summary: Nothing new, just Hange and you being oblivious idiots and Levi (disgusted and) tired of it.

The busy and chaotic crowd of the Marleyan port astounded everyone. There were all sorts of… everything, all new, strange, and odd to your eyes–or that’s just because this is your first time venturing the world outside the walls, the world on the other side of the ocean.

As Onyankopon welcomes the group, a… cart? passed through his back, the metal black and shiny which captured everyone’s attention. You were thinking too hard about what could it be, it perfectly resembles a carriage but without a horse pulling it to move. Connie thinks it’s a horse; Sasha thinks it’s a cow, but you just can’t place what it is. The third one to speak was Hange, saying that it’s called a car, and started calling for it. The three idiots began running towards it, shouting for it to come back.

You were sure that this may be the first time in quite some time that Commander Hange had that expression on her face, making you think back on old times when they’ve discovered something new or interesting about the titans. Not that you were staring at the Commander every chance you get.

The longing look and the broad smile on your lips haven’t gone unnoticed by Captain Levi.

–

“Here! You guys have to try this too!” Jean excitedly squealed, the so-called ice cream on hand.

You’d lie if you said you weren’t intrigued by the sweetened cold food, so you, along with Mikasa and Armin got one for yourselves as well. Looking back, you saw your superiors watching you act like a child from a distance. You cleared your throat and asked the salesman for another one.

“You should try this too, Hange-san,” you offered bashfully. Lowering your head, you wait for the Commander to take the ice cream from your hand.

“Oh?”

She doesn’t. Instead, they held your hand, and then slowly brought the creamy treat closer to their mouth so she can taste it. They pretty much had the same reaction as the rest of you, marveling at the flavor. Your cheeks heated up, in contrast with the chilly dessert, with how Hange doesn’t let go of your hand, still clasped in hers.

Connie called you to go try another food with them, interrupting–or rather, bursting your little bubble with the scientist. He didn’t wait for you to answer, disappearing in the sea of people.

“Hange-san, you can take it. I-I got this for you.”

“Thank you, Y/N.”

With that, you ran off to follow your friends, leaving Hange, Levi, and Onyankopon behind. “Tch. Oi, four eyes. Put us all out of our misery and just admit it already,” the Captain commented, with the never faltering bored (and mildly irritated) expression on his face.

Onyankopon chuckled. “Both of you are absolutely smitten with each other, Hange.”

“What? I don’t like Y/N!” the Commander denied, hiding her blushing face with the briefcase in their other hand. “Why would you even say that? No, really- did they say they like me?”

Onyankopon scratched his head while Levi only sighed, totally not surprised with Hange’s reaction. “They’re perfect for each other. They’re both dense.”

­–

Everything happened so fast–or was it just because the world is spinning? You swear you remember meeting the Azumabitos and then rushing out to find Eren– and now you were here barfing your guts out to the basin taking turns with Sasha. Although not directly in front of you, the light from the lamp that you caught in your peripheral was still too bright for you.

You tried to cover the light to focus on who arrived, your blurry gaze (kinda) focusing on one person only. “Hange danchou…” you murmured, still unsure of who you were seeing.

Sasha heard you, messily wiping her mouth on the back of her hands. “Sorry… We forgot to invite you guys…” she grunted, before laying down and finally succumbing to sleep.

You were sure that Captain Levi was sputtering his disgust on the sight of the tent, all filthy and foul for his clean-freak ass, but you couldn’t care less. Your eyes were still trailing on the beautiful Commander as she approached, kneeling beside you. Making sure there are no remaining remnants of vomit on your mouth, you raised your hand, ready to wipe it with the back of your hand when Hange caught your wrist. You looked at her confusedly.

She sighed, taking the handkerchief from her pocket. You sat there dumbfounded- or rather spaced out, as they wipe the edges of your mouth clean. “Y/N, look at you. You’re such a mess right now… but you’re my mess.” Hange whispered, but the last bit was undiscernible in your state of mind. After mumbling a low ‘thanks’, a yawn escaped your mouth; your eyelids getting heavier by the minute. The Commander didn’t know when was the exact moment your sleeping figure has rested on her lap­–all they know is how peaceful you look in your sleep, your lashes fluttering ever so slightly.

She tucked some stray hairs that littered your face, thumb caressing your cheek. As she gazed at you, Hange could only wish for time to stand completely still.

#hange zoe #hange zoe x reader #hange x you #hanji zoë #attack on titan hanji #commander hanji #aot imagines #aot fluff #aot hange #snk x reader #snk x you

[pip-or-something]

last twilight in phuket analysis

on growing up

1. hokkian mee

teh making hokkian mee seems very symbolic of growth here.  throughout part 1 he’s always saying his mom will make it for them, but this time, his mom isn’t around, so he makes it himself

2. the loss of the private beach

@liyazaki​ pointed out that they have to make room for themselves in the public beach and that’s brilliant and i love that take and i think it’s important and correct!  carving out your spot in an unfamiliar place is definitely a part of the learning to be an adult vibes

my focus in this scene was a bit different initially but still in support of that same positive change.  i noticed that it is oh-aew who’s most bothered by their private beach being closed and not teh.  remember when teh couldn’t even admit to himself that he wanted to be close to oh-aew?  and now he’s holding his boyfriend’s hand in public!  now they’re hugging on a public beach, and he’s emotionally aware enough to comfort oh-aew!  *hugs teh*

3. the closing of funan tutorial school

funan tutorial school was this place kind of like their beach - the two of them knew it inside and out, so there were spaces that felt like just theirs. it’s a short scene, but that shot of them being locked out through the inside is really showing that they’re now on the outside of phuket - or at least they feel that way.  i also think that scene is one of the many hints that teh, even though he’s mostly comforting oh-aew in this, is also unsettled and upset by the upcoming change.  

the view zooms out after that, though, showing that they’re part of a much bigger word - rather than being locked out, it gives us the perspective of looking inside from a place of greater freedom

if we want to get really abstract, it could be symbolic of the kind of inward self reflection that occurs when we see that the world is much larger than we thought

parallels

1. this scene

has a backdrop with the same very distinctive teal color that we saw at oh-aew’s house in itsay

the scenes ultimately are like the same thing but they play out differently.  the same because it’s always been oh-aew making teh come to him but now they’re actually talking like teh’s asking why and oh-aew is telling him to come closer and when teh doesn't want to do something he just explains why instead of forcing himself and it ends up being cute instead of angsty i’m so proud of them!!!

on top of that in the itsay scene they were deliberately hidden behind that staircase and now here they are out in public and teh’s shy but it’s okay because they understand each other now!  and by this i mean teh understands himself enough to communicate that and not overstep his own boundaries and oh-aew understands because!  again!  talking!

2. the dancing around each other at the beach scene in part one

vs. the dancing to each other here

the connection here is pretty blatant in my opinion but the change is sort of subtle.  in itsay, they ended up falling on top of each other, but then oh-aew essentially said he was hoping to run into teh, and this happened:

here, we have a role reversal where oh-aew is chasing teh, and when he gets there, they stick together

i just can’t get enough of teh being open to vulnerability here!  and in public nonetheless!

i’m refusing to delve into too much color theory here but i mean-- in itsay we had the blue scene and the red scene and here there both blue and red scenes alksdjflaksjflkjaslkdjf

maybe the most important thing i have to say

at the beach, teh says “there may be lots of changes,” empathizing with and validating oh-aew’s sadness and fears, which is lovely because, wow!  teh experiencing and expressing emotion fully?  again, ✨ character growth ✨ 

and then there’s this thing: we know that teh is a problem solver.  i know that he is because my brain works that way, too, and sure enough, i think he found a solution

when he says “i love you” he doesn’t just leave it at that.  he says “i’ve never told you, not once” and he very effectively reminds oh-aew that not all change is bad 

ahhhhhhhh everything in this series is so deliberate 

barely coherent thoughts

i can’t believe how nostalgic this made me??? about a place i have never been???  the music and the locations and just!!!  it hasn’t even been a year since itsay and i’ve rewatched it too many times to count but it feels like ages and it feels like coming home

twilight literally means half-light so as usual the nadao team is super on point with their titles - i mean it’s the perfect middle between the sun and the moon, the perfect compromise

the shirts and their colors are so unsubtle i love it

lkalkjsdfalkjasdf the blanket in the first scene i’m Suffering - i caught myself looking for yongjian on the wall lmao

did they not show them playing in the water because pp is scared of it because if so: that’s really considerate and cute and appreciated

i looked it up and lavender roses symbolize enchantment and love at first sight which is very cute and also feels like it demands growth, which would be fitting in terms of everything else i said.  they also happen look very similar to genetically engineered blue roses which are actually super interesting to read about and symbolize the unattainable.  so that’s very much in line with our title :’) in this case, rather than the romance specifically, it would be more likely to symbolize the inability to truly revisit the past, if that’s even what they’re going for

teh said i love you while oh-aew was filming them helpppppp i bet did that on purpose so that oh-aew will have it with him at all times when they’re apart [queue intense sobbing]

i think teh also needed to hear oh-aew say “i love you” here too and i have a lot of thoughts on how teh was dealing with all of this but i can’t figure out how to put it into words???  i wanted to peg him as someone who doesn’t do well with change but i think it’s more like he dislikes being in control and i confused the two because there tends to be overlap and here i think there’s multiple things happening.  he’s mostly in control of the change, he’s always wanted to go to the city for university.  but i don’t think he expected the emotion that is coming with it (and i really fully believe he’s experiencing the emotions for himself, too, not just empathetically with oh-aew).  he seems to be handling the emotion pretty well?  he’s not telling oh-aew anything outright but i don’t think he needs to, he’s expressing himself a lot more here than he ever did in itsay and oh-aew still read him like a book then

anyway i feel like we’re going to get a focus on oh-aew in this second part (it’s what i’m hoping for!) but i want to remember to keep an eye on teh and his progress as well because it might be more subtle but i am sure it will still be there

#last twilight in phuket #ipytm #i told sunset about you part 2 #itsay 2 #I Promised You The Moon #bkpp the series #Billkin putthipong #PP Krit #i wanted to gif things but my internet is too weak for that here #so pictures and links it is #oh-aew #teh #teh x oh aew #ipytm side story #side story uhhh this is my life now thanks #phuket i will miss you </3 #oh this is a stupidly long post bye