#I think possibly with various words that are translated as 'overbearing'

[nimblermortal]

Time for another round of synonym clarification! Up for debate this time:

orrusta vs bardagi - both mean battle. What’s the difference? Is this... battle vs skirmish vs brawl?

We’ve talked before about go∂i vs hersir vs hǫf∂ingi, but now there’s forma∂r as well (and I’m assuming that skǫrungr is just leader as in. One who displays leadership qualities.). Help. Is forma∂r the merchant sailor version??

#Old Norse #one day I will properly understand the word fylgja too #this post is intended to update with more questions #I think possibly with various words that are translated as 'overbearing'? #and also the endless stream of apparently synonymous compliments

[rainbowsky]

Did DLS Out DD During a DDU Recording and Make Him Cry?

This has been making the rounds on Twitter and YouTube and even Tumblr, for a while now. Fancam footage of DLS making a boyfriend joke and then leaning in to a supposedly upset DD and trying to smooth things over.

This whole thing is based on fancam footage taken during the recording of the DDU 20190825 episode. In this episode dating was being discussed using four beautiful young women, DD and QF along with two handsome young guests as a backdrop.

The subtitles of the fan cam present a scenario where DLS supposedly refers to DD as ‘not needing a girlfriend because he already has a boyfriend’ and then leaning into a supposedly emotional DD and apologizing, trying to calm him down; saying viewers won’t understand what was said.

Let’s take a look at the video:

The full fan cam footage that this out of context clip was taken from can be found here.

If you watch the episode and the complete fan cam footage, you’ll see that this happened during the segment where they were being asked to comment on various dating scenarios. An announcer would present each scenario in a multiple choice format, asking the women to choose between four options based on the type of guy they’d most like to date. For example:

How would you like the boy you like to invite you for a meal on the weekend?

A] Save your weekend for me. Do not say no.

B] You had breakfast at 7:50 this morning and lunch at 12:30. It’s already 7pm now. You have to eat meals on time. Why don’t I take you out for dinner?

C] I tried to explain my thoughts when I look at you, but I failed. So do you have time for dinner with me this weekend? Let’s talk about it.

D] Get out. Dinner.

My opinion

We should always, always be suspicious of anything that is presented without context. 99.9% of the time, when someone removes context they are doing so to mislead audiences. This clip is a perfect example of that. The video creator appears to have removed important context in order to make the clip better fit the narrative they’re trying to sell.

In this segment of the episode, the hosts and guests were seen commenting on the options as they were being read out. The comments DLS is making appear to be in response to something the announcer has said. I don’t think the comments have anything whatsoever do to with DD.

I also don’t think DD looks even remotely upset. Certainly not near tears. Some fans seem over-eager to claim DD is crying. We’ve all seen DD cry, but it’s exceptionally rare and only happens in very personal situations. This doesn’t qualify. It wouldn’t qualify even if everything the video creator claimed was true. DD would be more likely to get angry than cry in such a situation. He isn’t doing either of these things.

Whoever made this video simply doesn’t ‘get’ DD’s personality at all. The people who buy this are similarly unfamiliar with him.

I invite everyone to use your own eyes and your own judgment. Ignore what’s being claimed, ignore the framing you’ve been given of the scenario by me or the video creator, and instead just watch the clip. Does that look like a man on the verge of tears to you?

Second and third opinions

I asked the indispensable @potteresque-ire and @knivescharade what they thought of the clip. I didn’t tell them anything about my opinion, but simply sent the clip and asked their thoughts - are the subtitles correct, what do you think of the lip reading, etc.

@knivescharade

wow, for this person to put this analysis in i would say that lip reading is a very difficult skill. and to try and lip read someone like DLS, who speaks like a bullet train and doesn't really enunciate SUPER well (unlike Han-ge, for example) ... i would say the interpretation is only very vaguely possible at best.

i know both the cand int fandom have a major something for how WYB keeps swallowing around XZ, but honestly. WYB tends to get throat issues. i think swallowing has become one of his habits at this point. so... in conclusion... there are already lots of major, amazing, and irrefutable candies in the fandom already, let's not bother with such iffy ones :D

he is indeed saying that "this man has a boyfriend", but i cant quite remember which part of the show that was in. i watched that episode, it was something to do with love and having 4 guys paired with 4 girls or something like that, and listening to 'types of guys responses to etc etc' so DLS wasnt saying that WYB has a boyfriend - he was saying that 'this man', the one whose voice was playing in the audio, has a boyfriend.

That tracks with my interpretation of what was happening.

@potteresque-ire

Unless people have learned the dialect, Mandarin speakers cannot understand Cantonese, and vice versa. This is why I don't support or wash auditory candies, especially if it involves someone from Northern China (such as DLS, who is a Beijing native). Their local accents make their Mandarin even more difficult to understand.

This dialect restriction is actually not specific to a me, or other Hong Kongers. Someone whose family is entirely from Northern China would be equally prone to making mistakes if they're asked to lip read southern Chinese.

Lip reading also removes tonal consideration, which makes everything that much more uncertain. Have you heard of the Mr Shi Eats the Lion story? This is why, even if I hear some similarities, I'd hesitate to say X has to be saying ABC. Context is important.

Cantonese speakers are especially picky about tone. Mandarin have 4. We have 6 or 9, depending on who you ask. So... I may be more picky than I should be that way too. And I don't want to spoil anyone's fun 😊

The translation was correct in the sense that it was faithful to the Chinese words in the clip I saw, which replicated what DLS said accurately. But the video itself was from a fancam. Where that fancam happened (and got cut off) was at Q3 at the Q & A segment, starting ~9:34 of the official YouTube clip.

DLS said what he said half way through the voiceover of Option A (very precisely, right after the words "I'm the only one"). Technically speaking, therefore, he wasn't talking about DD.

However, it was also a little strange why DLS said what he said. If you watch that segment, all options have a certain personality attached to them. C was very talkative / pretentious. D was connected to DD because it was blunt and direct. A was the so called "overbearing CEO" personality... which is common in het romance dramas but isn't one that has been connected to the gay stereotype. And so, DLS's timing of saying that ... is curious.

Dd did look a little ... I wouldn't say upset, but tense after DLS said that. Maybe it's because that comment kinda came out of nowhere (because of its curious timing), and so it would be read as hinting at something. But that comment is harmless, wording wise.

Alternate theory

I’ve seen some talk from fans about a different theory for why DLS said what he said. Fans say the announcer for option A was Bian Jiang, the actor who did the voice of LWJ in The Untamed. They say that DLS was making a joke about LWJ not needing a boyfriend because he already has one. That actually makes a lot of sense to me as well, and if that’s really Bian Jiang, then I’d say that’s the most likely explanation for this entire thing.

Conclusion

It’s my firm opinion that DLS was not talking about DD having a boyfriend, nor was DD ‘near tears’ in this clip. Whatever DLS said to DD after that, it almost certainly wouldn’t have been ‘words of comfort to placate an upset DD’.

The Bian Jiang theory fits best, but we don’t need to know why DLS said what he said to be able to conclude he wasn’t talking about DD.

Cute DD candy from this episode

If anyone wants a better candy from this episode, look no further than when he emerges from “door #2″, chosen by one of the women as someone she’d like to date based on the food he’d picked out, and immediately launches into “I want to take a man back to my place and hide him.” A LWJ reference (which DLS and Wang Han clarify with him because they appear baffled by what he just said), but still a tactful, perfect rejection of this woman he’s being paired with. 😅

#bjyx #yizhan #ddu #ttxs #bxg fact checking #ggdd entertainment circle #ggdd signs #Youtube

[katyatalks]

Otomedia April 2019 - Itou Setsuo [Mob] & Irino Miyu’s [Ritsu] Interview Translation

Here’s Itou Setsuo [Mob] & Irino Miyu’s [Ritsu] interview from April 2019’s Otomedia! They’re given in one section so I’ve put them both into one post, making this a long one. Contains some lovely meta on character relationships (Mob & Reigen and Ritsu & Shou respectively), some Shimazaki meta, and some nice insight as to how fans helped develop the tone of season 2.

ITOU SETSUO [Mob]

Q: Season 2 has been full throttle since the very first episode, hasn’t it.

A: Episode 1 felt natural in the way that it picked up from where season 1 left off, and in terms of content it very much felt like “Mob Psycho 100”. But, we see glimmers of Mob’s growth because we knew who he was in season 1. Since there weren’t exactly any scenes in season 1 in which he uses his powers in public or uses his powers of his own accord, episode 1 leaves an impression. As an introduction episode I’d say it scores 120 out of 100.

Q: Where do you think season 2 has powered up the most, compared to season 1?

A: One place in which it’s had a power up is the way the story has progressed, leaning into something more serious. The matter of Mob’s growth has begun, leaving the audience in a state of anticipation. Actually, Mob’s growth is, in itself, the number one power up point. He questions things, thinks for himself, and then arrives at a conclusion - different to how he was back in season 1, when he simply did as shishou said. It’s a level of growth that reaches high enough to touch the sky, I’d say. What we see in episodes 6 and 7, ie. “Mob’s daily life without shishou”, is something that I think wouldn’t have been possible without Mob’s growth. For Mob, having fun with someone after school, enjoying a normal school life… him doing those kinds of things is a pretty dramatic change in itself. 

Unexpectedly, from the get go we see Mob move as a separate unit to Reigen in season 2. In episodes 4 and 5, the two are separated by the fake world and the real world, and then after that they do their own things, until they finally recombine in episode 9. Of course, up until now we’ve seen a lot of conversations between Mob and shishou, but compared to season 1 I feel those conversations have fallen considerably. I feel like as a result of Mob and shishou’s relationship temporarily breaking, it has bounced back into something that feels more complete. I think they’ve truly come to be able to trust one another - their relationship has evolved into that.

Q: Until now, are there any scenes or lines in particular that have left an impression on you? 

A: There’s plenty. I remember the end of episode 1 well, in which Mob confesses to Emi-chan - “I’m an esper” - it really felt like a final episode kind of scenario! Then - this line was in the PV, too - “This power, that I thought would never be of use to anyone… I’ll use it to save someone’s life!” from episode 5. That’s a line that I put effort into, so it really left an impression on me - I’d like it to leave an impression on everyone else, too. And, from the end of Whitey Arc (episode 7), “a good person”. Those three things left an impression on me.

Q: We’ve had new characters appear one after the other - which of those characters has piqued your interest?

A: I like Shimazaki. How to put it; he’s someone who’s attached to Claw, but emotionally I don’t think he’s really attached to anything... so he pretty much just does what he wants. I think it’s probable, as an esper, to feel that you can’t fit in with others. Also, quite simply, I think he’s cool! The power to teleport and read your opponent’s movements… needless to say, that’s cool. We get to see the power balance between all the espers when it comes to Shimazaki, in wondering how to defeat him. I think Shimazaki and co. could be described as rulers with which to measure powers by.

Q: Turning toward the climax of season 2, please tell us the highlights.

A: The fight with ‘Boss’, a formidable enemy. I think the fight scene between him and Mob is a highlight the whole way through. The visuals, the performance, the battle… Also, the growth of the characters around Mob, and the way the relationships between them change. Mob isn’t the only one fighting - there’s various fights and problems happening around him, too. In that sense, no matter how many times you watch the climax, I think you’ll make a new discovery.

Q: Finally, a message, please.

A: From here on out it’s a straight path toward the climax, so please stay glued to the show and enjoy. Mob’s growth, that we’ve seen throughout season 2… if you could please see it through right the way to the end, I’d be very happy.

--

IRINO MIYU [Ritsu]

Q: Where do you think season 2 has powered up the most, compared to season 1?

A: From the start I’ve always thought of Mob Psycho 100 as a work that has its strength in the fact that the colours, movements, and direction all work together to make it seem as if it’s a different work to the manga it’s based on. I think season 2 powered up when it comes to style. I think the response to season 1 was amazing for the production team - Director Tachikawa specifically springs to mind. The reaction from the fans was amazing - we ourselves looked at it all and went, “wow”. With self-confidence within us, we plunged forward, thinking, “right, let’s do what we want,” and as a result I feel the season 2 we’ve ended up with has turned out as something more fun and stylish than season 1.

Q: In what ways do you think Ritsu has grown or changed in season 2?

A: In season 1, I think the Ritsu we see can be defined with the word “insecure”. He appears to be the kind of guy who can do anything, but at his core there lies a swirling mass of complexes. I found that fascinating about him, and story-wise it really helped accelerate the fun. Those complexes are allowed to rest, and consequently he appears at ease in season 2. How to put it; he’s come to be able to distinguish between “what I should do” and “what I want to do”, and is able to recognise what is important to him in his life. So, I think the growth he shows us in season 2 is in the way that his thoughts regarding powers have changed, and the peace of mind that has come to him as a result. With regard to Mob, I feel, as well, that he’s put into practise trying to not come to his rescue so much, and respecting his will.

Q: Until now, are there any scenes in particular that have left an impression on you?

A: The parallel world that we see in Mogami Arc (episode 5). First off, the design is amazing, really leaving an impression. When I saw that episode, I truly felt from the bottom of my heart just how amazing Mob Psycho 100 is. The uncomfortable tone leaves you speechless… as a whole, it has a refreshing feel to it. It makes you appreciate the fact that, usually, Mob Psycho 100 is quite different. The show has the power to make you feel it all - there’s a texture there that you can touch, a smell that you can appreciate. I didn’t perform in that episode, so I didn’t know how the episode would be until broadcast. So, when I saw it, I was incredibly surprised - “what IS this!?”.

Q: What are your thoughts on Shou, who Ritsu meets once again in episode 8?

A: Well, he’s done a good job not being brainwashed. He walks down the path that he thinks is right, which I think is amazing. But - well - the way he chooses to walk that path can be a little overbearing, I think (laughs).

He’s also got complexes when it comes to family, and he’s still in the middle of fighting them. His objective - clearing his pent up emotions - he thinks there’s only one method, and that’s to defeat his father. In contrast, Ritsu no longer antagonises his older brother, having already resolved that. So, Ritsu looks at the way Shou pushes on, and is able to say, “I understand you”. Shou and his father… I think, given Ritsu and Shou’s circumstances being the way they are, that topic will come up as something the two of them will talk about in the future.

Ritsu’s clever, so he’s able to get along with someone while only half-trusting them. He’s able to calmly talk with Shou, and also recognise somewhere in his heart that Shou isn’t a bad person.

...Well, also, given the situation (laughs), he can’t do anything but work together with Shou!

Q: Finally, a message, please!

A: I’m glad the response has been so great - I was able to feel it even while recording. From this point on there’ll be a bunch of new characters appearing, and it’s a point where everything is going to heat up and be more fun, so please pay attention!

--

Twitter crosspost here.

Otomedia April 2019;

ONE’s special interview here.

Sakurai Takahiro [Reigen VA] & Itou Setsuo [Mob VA] joint interview here.

Kokuryuu Sachi [Shou VA] interview here.

Itou Setsuo [Mob VA] & Irino Miyu [Ritsu VA] interview here.

Character Designer Kameda, Eye-catch Team Kenja, Series Co-ordinator Seko & Director Tachikawa's interview here.

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #kageyama shigeo #kageyama ritsu #shimazaki ryou #suzuki shou #reigen arataka #my stuff #otomedia april 2019 #interview

[httpjeon]

— the cockpile: velvet | hoseok (m.)

hoseok/reader | smut | pornstar!au

wordcount: 4k

contents: sex work, pwp, binding, spanking, hair pulling, oral (male recieving), anal play, light orgasm denial, light overstimulation, safeword, dirty talk, light choking 

― synopsis: wanting to burn off some stress, you apply to attend a session at a kink dungeon. hoseok is your master.

note: thank you so much for the love on my jin fic! here is hoseok’s version which means jungkook is coming next week!

blog masterlist | series masterlist

© httpjeon 2019. do not repost, modify, or translate.

You sighed as you dropped down into your office chair, feeling all the stress from working nonstop lately. No matter how much you tried to get time off, your boss repeatedly declined. You carefully typed the password into your desktop, opening excel to begin the task your boss had given you.

Just as you started your draft, your phone lit up beside you on your desk. The notification let you know you had received an email. Carefully, you examined around, making sure no one else in the other cubicles before you unlocked your phone to open the email.

“Good evening, Miss. _____, We looked over your application to attend a shooting with one of our masters. Congratulations, we’ve decided to accept you! We have an opening at 8pm this Saturday. Please arrive 30 minutes to an hour early to allow for time to fill out paperwork. See you soon! kinkdungeon xxx”

You bit your lip as you desperately tried to hold in your squeals of excitement.

You see, with your bastard boss denying you vacation days even though you had more than enough saved up, you took it into your own hands to find a way to relieve your growing stress and tension. Most people would get a massage or go to the spa, but instead you wanted to get railed as hard as possible. What better way to do that than to visit a kink dungeon?

So, you finished work as fast as you possibly could before you were let off of work precisely at 5pm. You rushed home to give yourself a facial mask and shave everywhere you possibly could before moisturizing your whole body.

Tomorrow was the day.

You nervously pulled the sleeves of your sweater down over your hands as you entered the intimidating doorway to the kink dungeon. When you stepped into the lobby, you were hit with warm air and the pleasant scent of lavender. The heavily tattooed lady at the front desk looked up from her computer and smiled softly.

“Can I help you?” She asked, eyeing you up and down as you approached the desk.

“I have an appointment…8pm?” You nervously cleared your throat as your mouth felt dry from nerves.

“Name?” She asked, moving her gaze to her computer.

“_____,” You responded automatically, keeping your eyes on the woman as he typed into the computer before she gave a firm nod.

“Okay,” She said, turning to the side to pull out a little stack of papers. “I need you to fill these in for me.”

“R-Right,” You muttered, remembering the email said there would be paperwork. You carefully took the papers and a clipboard with an attached pen. Placing it down on the desk, you read through the papers which were basically waivers, consent forms for filming, and just basic information about you. When you finished with your signature, you returned the clipboard to her. You stood there, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other as the lady put in your information into the system. You looked on the wall behind her, noticing that there were several portraits of people on the walls.

“Who are those people?” You asked the lady, causing her to look behind her before smiling.

“Oh, those are the masters and mistresses of the dungeon,” She replied, returning to finish entering your information. “Okay, so you’re all set, you can go ahead through that door. Jieun is back there and she’ll help get you situated and you can ask her any questions you have!”

“Thank you,” You smiled before going through the door she had pointed out.

As you stepped inside, you found yourself in a hallway with a large handful of doors. There was a lady, who you assumed to be Jieun, sitting at a desk situated in the corner.

“Hi,” Jieun grinned, waving you over to her. “So, your appointment is set to start soon. I want you to into the room behind me and get changed into one of the complimentary robes.”

“O-Okay,” You bit your lip as you stepped behind her desk to enter the room.

When you entered, you immediately noticed it was a locker room. It had lockers and shower stalls like at a school along with some changing stalls with a red curtain to hide your dignity. Carefully, you stepped into one of the changing rooms, closing the curtain before taking off the clothes you wore to the dungeon. After you were naked you took off the robe that was hung up on the wall of the stall, taking a careful smell of it to make sure it was clean. The scent of fresh laundry detergent filled your senses and you smiled before sliding the soft material over your body, tying the sash tightly to prevent it from falling open.

You made sure to put your belongings into a locker, memorizing it as locker number 7, before you stepped out of the room. Jieun grinned at you as you stepped out.

“Good, you’re ready!” She smiled, standing up from her chair, waving you to follow her down the hallway until she stopped at one of the last rooms. “Please go inside this room and have a seat, the recording will start soon. Do you have any questions?”

“Um, w-who will I be filming with?” You asked nervously.

“You mean your master?” You nodded in response. “Mr. Jung is your master. He’s perfect for beginners like yourself and he’s a real charmer! You’re in good hands, trust me.”

You thanked Jieun before she opened the door, allowing you to step in. The loud clang of the door seemed final as you stared at the room you were now in. It was completely different from what you expected. Instead of dark walls and concrete floors with scary metal rods everywhere, you were greeted with a calm beige painted wall and soft carpet beneath your feet along with navy blue furniture littering the room in various areas.

You padded across the floor to take a seat on the couch, the plush fabric helping to relax you. As soon as you sat back against the couch to relax, the door opened once again.

“Hello,” A man called, walking in with a bright smile on his face. “My name is Youngjae, and I’ll just be here to record the opening segment of the film, and then I’ll be out of your hair!”

“That’s f-fine,” You muttered, wincing as you stumbled over your words.

Youngjae opened a closet door and pulled out a tripod and a case, which he carried over to where you were situated on the couch. You watched in tense silence as he set up the camera and tripod, so it would face directly at you.

“Okay,” He said, taking a seat on a chair opposite of you. “I’m going to ask you some questions, is that okay?”

“Y-Yeah…” You responded immediately, already feeling awkward before he even pressed the record button.

“Alright,” He reached forward to the camera before announcing ‘action’ and beginning the recording. “Please state your name for the viewers and your age.”

You did as you were told, gaining a smile of encouragement from Youngjae.

“So, what brings you here?”

“Works been stressing me out…so I figured…why not?” You responded, fiddling nervously with the hem of your robe.

“You seem a little nervous, have you ever done anything like this before?”

“No,” You shook your head. “Well, I’ve experimented in BDSM with past boyfriends, but I’ve never done it with a professional or in a…facility.”

“Oh! So, we’re popping your dungeon cherry!” Youngjae laughed gleefully, making your face burn hot at his choice of phrasing.

Youngjae asked you a few more questions before he stood up and bid you goodbye. Once he was gone, the room was filled with an almost deafening silence.

Before you could get too nervous from the overbearing silence, there was a gentle knock on the door. After a second of silence, you replied to come in, causing the door to open.

“Hello!” A man beamed at you, taking your breath away with his sunshine exterior. “I’m Jung Hoseok and I’m going to be your master for this session,”

“O-Oh…” You swallowed thickly, watching as he walked up to you with his hand held out, meeting you in a handshake. “N-Nice to meet you,”

“Likewise,” He said, flashing you a dazzling smile before he took a seat across from you, looking as if he’s done this a million times; which, he probably has. “Now, I’d like to talk to you about your limits and do’s and don’ts. I know you filled out the paper, but I’d like to hear it from your mouth.”

“O-Okay, what do you want to know?” You asked, mentally slapping yourself for stuttering so much.

“How do you feel about restraining, blindfolds, and spanking?” He asked, crossing one leg over the other with an encouraging smile on his face, his black bangs lightly hanging in his eyes.

“Um, I’ve never really tried restraints but I’m open to it, I don’t like blindfolds and I love spanking,” You smiled to yourself for not stuttering.

“I see, I see,” Hoseok paused, seeming to think for a second before asking the next question. “Have you ever done any anal? What over overstimulation?”

“I’ve…never done anal but I really want to and I have dabbled in overstimulation,” You bit your lip, feeling your face heat up from the confession.

“Wonderful,” He grinned, making you blush further at how attractive he was. “I have a scene in mind that’s perfect for you. Now, I want to give you your safeword.”

“Okay,” You replied immediately, giving him your full attention.

“If at any time during the session you feel uncomfortable or something’s wrong, you can use the safeword. You won’t be gagged at any time so you will be able to tell me,” He smiled, standing up and holding his hand out for you to take, which you did with a small smile of your own. “Are you ready?”

“Yes, go ahead,”

“Velvet,” When you gave him a firm nod he shook his head. “I need to hear you say it, darling,”

“V-Velvet,” You breathed, already beginning to feel your body heat up as Hoseok’s demeanor began to change.

“Are you ready to start?” He asked, moving to stand closer to you, reaching up and brushing your hair behind your ear gently.

“Y-Yes…”

“Yes what, kitten?”

“Yes sir…” Your voice trembled as you uttered the words, feeling heat spread through your body as your arousal settled in your stomach.

“Good girl,” He cooed, cupping your face in his palms, gently smoothing his thumbs over your skin. Slowly, he used one hand to untie the sash on your waist, letting the robe fall open to expose your bare body to both his gaze and the cool room. “Can you sit down on the floor for me?”

“Y-Yes sir,” Connecting your eyes with his, you slowly sunk to the floor, the carpeted floor greeting your knees when you finally settled, feeling even more exposed to his gaze now that you were both naked and on your knees at his mercy.

“That’s a good girl,” He gently patted your head before turning around, making his way to a closet.

Your eyes were locked on the way his lithe body moved so confidently. He fished around in the closet for a second before he pulled out a duffle bag. When he made his way back over to you, he placed the bag on the edge of the couch before opening it and pulling out red ties. He briefly showed the material to you before he made his way behind you.

“Put your arms together behind you, please,” He said, voice soft but still commanding.

You quickly brought them to your back, which Hoseok then took and folded them together so it would be comfortable for you but still render you immobile. You immediately felt the cool silk when he began to tie your arms in place. It took you a moment to get your balance when he released you, leaving you to kneel with your arms tied behind you.

“There you go, sweetheart,” He cooed, moving to stand in front of you.

You bit your lip, staring up at him as he began to unbutton his jeans. Your eyes widened when his cock was exposed to your gaze for the first time, making your mouth run dry. He was already hard just from tying you up, and you automatically opened your mouth, resulting in a ‘good girl’ praise from him.

Ever so slowly, he sunk his cock into your mouth, making him moan softly when he was surrounded by the wet warmth of your mouth. Your tongue swirled gently around the head, coaxing a bead of precum from the tip. You moaned at his taste, closing your eyes as you carefully sucked his cock, making sure not to graze him with your teeth as he carefully thrusted in and out, just barely kissing your gag reflex.

“Fuck,” He groaned, tangling his long fingers in your hair. “I knew you were going to be a good girl for me,”

With your mouth full, you were unable to answer, but his praise had your core tingling and you were positive by the end of this you’ll have to drink 50 bottles of Gatorade to make up for the loss of moisture in your body from where it all leaked out to form a puddle on the floor.

Suddenly, he pulled his cock out of your mouth, leaving you to whimper and squirm in a pit of your own arousal. You licked your lips, collecting the string of spit that connected your lips to his cock still, making him moan softly as he wrapped his hand around his cock and pumped it slowly, smearing your saliva all over the shaft.

“Bend over, put your head on the couch for me,” He ordered, roughly grabbing your arm to tug you into the correct position.

Your bare ass and core were exposed to his gaze now as he rounded behind you, still pumping his cock in his hand. He kicked the insides of your thighs, forcing you to spread your legs more until your body weight was supported by holding yourself up by leaning on the couch.

Hoseok released his cock, squatting down behind you. You whimpered softly when his hand cupped one of your cheeks, spreading it to get a good view of your leaking entrance and twitching rosebud. He groaned softly, releasing your cheek only to bring his hand down with a resounding smack that made you whine in shock from the sudden sting.

“God, you have a beautiful ass, babygirl,” He growled, delivering another slap to the same spot, watching the skin jiggle under the impact.

He continued to rain down smacks onto your ass, forcing moans and whimpers from you while he gave growls and praises as you took every slap. Your ass became red, the once apparent handprints becoming blotches of red that appeared all over the skin. Every time he paused to sooth the skin with a gentle hand, the contact made you squirm in place. You were so wet, clenching around nothing as your juices slowly leaked down your thigh and onto the floor. Hoseok hadn’t yet commented on how wet you were and you were filled with embarrassment at the prospect of how he would degrade you once he noticed.

“Dirty girl,” He cooed, standing up once again, making you sigh once all contact with him ceased. Mindlessly, you ground your hips into the air, desperate for some kind of friction on your aching clit. “You want to get fucked, beautiful, is that why you’re dripping all over the place?”

You whimpered in response, biting your lip as your hole clenched pathetically once more. When you didn’t respond, Hoseok grabbed a fistful of your hair, yanking you up to look at him, making you cry out at the shock of pain through your scalp.

“I asked you a question, princess,” He growled, lust-filled eyes burning holes into you the longer he glared at you.

“Y-Yes I wan-want to get fucked so bad, sir!” You cried, barely even aware of the words that left your lips as you were sucked into a haze of arousal.

“There’s a good girl,” He cooed, gently letting you lay back down on the couch. “Since you’re being so good, I’ll fuck you, how does that sound?”

“Y-Yes please Master!” You whined, poking your butt out more when you felt him kneel behind you.

He reached between your legs, his fingers sliding between the swollen, wet lips of your heat to find your clit. You keened immediately, grinding down into his touch only to whine in disappointment when his touch disappeared.

“Fucking soaking cunt,” He growled, sliding the fingers he had just touched you with, which were coated in your juice, into his mouth. “And so sweet too, I’d love to spend all day tasting your little pussy but I really gotta fuck you now,”

With a desperate whine you felt Hoseok’s head prod at your entrance. While you weren’t prepped at all, you knew you were more than wet enough to accept his member all at once. This was proven the moment Hoseok thrusted forward to sheath his entire length into your hole. Once he was fully seated to the base, he paused for a moment to listen to you whimper in pleasure at being filled finally.

His fingers gently caressed down your spine, soothing your whimpers and trembling with his gentle touch. When he was sure you were adjusted to his sudden entrance, he pulled back only to thrust himself back inside you with a loud, wet smack. Your hands, bound behind you, flexed as you desperately wanted something to grapple onto to ground yourself with Hoseok’s cock kissing against your g-spot causing untold pleasure.

“It-It’s so good…Master, please,” You begged mindlessly, feeling tears prick at your eyes at the pleasure.

“Please what, little one,” He asked, leaning over your body, feeling your hands grip at his shirt once it was within reach.

“F-Fuck me…” You whined, squeezing your eyes shut, causing a stray tear to roll down your cheek.

“If that’s what you want, then you’ll get it,”

You whined when he pulled away from you, causing your hands to scramble at nothing for a second before he started fucking you with all he had. You felt your eyes roll back into your head the faster he went, his jeans scraping against the tender skin of your butt only added to all the sensations you were feeling at once. His cock pounded away at your g-spot, and you felt so close to your orgasm, but you were unable to release without the needed stimulation to your clit. Hoseok reached beneath you, both hands cupping your breasts before he pulled you until your back was pressed against his chest and you were standing on your knees.

“God, you’re so fucking wet…and tight…” He growled into your ear, nimble fingers pinching your sensitive nipples.

His filthy words only added to the ever growing unachievable orgasm that dangled in front of you. Hoseok merely chuckled when you your head flopped back against his shoulder, your eyes rolled back into your head as your hole desperately convulsed around his penetrating cock. Your juices flowed endlessly, coating his cock and balls and down your thighs. You were an absolute mess for him, and it was fucking beautiful.

“You wanna cum, huh?” He growled into your ear, only receiving a small whimper from you in response.

He released one of your breasts, wrapping his now free hand around your throat, immediately cutting off your air supply. The way your eyes bulged in shock was humorous to him, making him smirk. Your cheeks slowly became a deeper shade of red as you blindly stared at him while he fucked you. Just as your eyes began to roll back once again, he released your throat, taking in the desperate sound of you gasping for air.

“Now, do you want to cum, slut?!” He growled into your ear once again.

“Y-Yes! Yes, please Master!” You cried, practically sobbing for your release.

“Alright, get down then,” He released you, letting you drop down to the floor with a solid thump, but you barely noticed as you buried your face in the carpet.

You were able to stare between your legs to watch Hoseok’s cock pound in and out of your desperate hole. You were expecting to feel his fingers find your hard little clit, but instead you felt him circling around your other entrance. Your mouth dropped open in a silent moan when he sunk his thumb into the puckered hole, feeling even more full than you ever had before.

Suddenly, you were cumming. The sound of your heart pounding filled your ears, you weren’t aware of anything other than the orgasm wrecking your body. Your walls convulsed helplessly around Hoseok’s thick cock, coating him in your cum and making a complete mess.

As your senses returned to you, you immediately became aware of Hoseok’s groaning and how he was still fucking you without missing a beat.

“Fuck, you came so hard for me, babygirl,” He cooed, pulling his thumb from your ass, only to bring his fingers to your clit, too sensitive for his expert touch.

“Ah! P-Please, I’m too sensitive!” You cried, trying to dislodge his fingers from your bud.

“I’m gonna cum,” He growled, suddenly, the feeling of your walls tightening on him from your oversensitivity causing him to race towards his own end.

With your own sob of pleasure, he yanked himself from your hole, desperately jerking himself off over your body. You were unable to see him, and you wished you could, so you closed your eyes and listened to the way his moans rose in frequency until you felt a hot splash against your rosebud. He slowed his pace on his cock, making sure to milk out every drop of cum until his orgasm came to an end.

You were both panting by the end of it, a calm stillness overtaking the room. However, Hoseok was the first to move, stuffing his softening length back into his jeans before standing up. Ever so gently, he untied your hands, allowing you to sit yourself up.

You were still returning to a solid headspace as you sat there on the floor, feeling sticky but satisfied. You blinked your bleary eyes, finding Hoseok where he was digging through the bag he got the ties from. He pulled out a blue and white package from the bag and found his way back over to you.

“How’re you feeling, beautiful,” He cooed, offering you his brilliant smile once again. This time, you were able to offer him a hazy smile in return.

“I’m okay,” You replied softly, making him chuckle softly.

“I’ve got some baby wipes if you want to wipe down, do you want a bottle of water or candy? Get your sugar up?” He asked softly, keeping his voice level and calm.

“Yes please,” You took the baby-wipes he offered to you and began to wipe down your center and thighs, where the stickiness and wetness was concentrated, while Hoseok went to a mini-fridge to get what you asked for.

After about 30 minutes, you finally felt steady enough to move on your own. You felt like yourself as well, sitting there eating a Snickers and drinking a bottle of water until both were gone.

“It was lovely meeting you, _____,” He said, blushing softly at the relaxed nature of his words despite the fact that he had just fucked you silly not that long ago.

“Y-You too,” You offered before you parted your ways.

Finally dressed in your clothes, you were ready to go. However, you had to fight the blush as you stepped outside once again, worried that everyone would know what you had been up to-even though no one else was around the building at this time of night.

You sighed, getting into your car before your phone went off.

“From: Unknown On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate our service at Kink Dungeons?”

With a shy smile, you carefully typed a 10.

#bts #bts smut #bts reaction #bts scenario #bts preferences #bts imagines #jung hoseok #bts jhope #hoseok smut #min yoongi #bts suga #yoongi smut #kim seokjin #bts jin #jin smut #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook smut #park jimin #bts jimin #jimin smut #kim namjoon #bts rm #namjoon smut #kim taehyung #bts taehyung #taehyung smut #bts fanfic

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 20: Rising Conscience

Chapters: 20/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Warnings: Mild violence, drunkenness Relationships: Loki x Reader (Let’s try this again) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Reader, Brunnhilde(Marvel), Thor(Marvel), Steve Rogers  Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), Here Comes Self-Reflection Summary:  When something ends, the only option is to begin anew.

You dreamt of bars and panes of impenetrable glass, layer after layer of shielding, of safety. Layer after layer, hiding you away, hemming you in, keeping everything else out. Far away, through the many, many layers, you could just see a faint blue light, surrounding the form of a person. They pushed on the glass, pounded on it, trying to get through. You could just barely hear their voice, but you couldn’t make out any words. That was fine. You were safe behind your many layers, and even as they fell to their knees, you still couldn’t hear them.

You woke, wrapped so tightly in blankets that you could hardly breathe.

                                                                               *****

“Your Majesty.” Andsvarr said with a deep bow. “Um, I don’t meant to bother you, but I feel it may be important to report that nobody came home last night. I understand that there are many things that are none of my business, but is everything all right?”

“You can stand.” Thor said wearily. “It’s easier to talk to someone who is facing you. Yes, everything is…eh, it’ll be something. The prince was with me, and will probably return shortly. The mortal is with General Brunnhilde. I don’t know when she will be back. Don’t worry about it too much, just send the maid to the Generals rooms for now.”

“Thank you sire.”

                                                                              *****

“What happened?” Saldis demanded.

“I don’t know, he wouldn’t say.” Andsvarr said, wringing his spear. “Just that you should go to the Generals room instead.”

“Should I move all her things there?”

“I don’t know! I guess things have changed now. It’s too bad. I’m going to miss seeing you every day.”

“That’s sweet, but don’t be pessimistic. This might not be permanent. Now, it’s not our job to fix this, especially since we don’t have any details. It is our job to carry on as normal. I’m going to take her clothes to her, and test the waters.”

                                                                            *****

“Soooo. How’s he doing?” Brunnhilde asked. Thor had come out to the Valkyrie’s training area, alone and exasperated, and just watched the women train for a while. Sometimes he offered to help out on the field, but today he was keeping to himself.

“Not as badly as I’d feared.” Thor grumbled. “But not very well.”

They left the training grounds together, swiftly surrounded by various aides and officials. Thor dutifully took the papers that were handed to him, signed what he needed to, called out information and answers to questions that were asked of him, and gave or denied permissions as he was presented them.

The hounding ceased as soon as they reached the residential area of the building; one of the only places where privacy was to be had.

“Look, he might not be exactly personable right now; I don’t know what state he’s in.” Thor said, as the guard let them into his rooms. “Frankly, I hope he’s asleep.”

But the strong smell of alcohol, and the sound of mumbling greeted them upon entering, and Thor groaned. “Nope! Still pity-drunk.”

“Still?” Brunnhilde asked. “Like constantly? Since last night? He hasn’t slept at all? I’m impressed.”

Thor shot her a look; she just shrugged.

Loki was sitting at Thors big oak desk, several empty bottles lined up on one side, several full bottles lined up on the other. In between, Loki leaned, holding his finger out to a tiny illusion of you, who danced around on the desk and hugged his fingertip.

“Don’t worry!” The little image chirped, it’s voice slightly garbled. “It’s just a misunderstanding! I’ll come back!”

“Um, Brother?” Thor said quietly. The tiny image wavered, fuzzed at the edges, and disappeared.

“Wait!” Loki called. “Don’t go! Aww.”

“Loki. How are you feeling?”

Loki threw himself dramatically onto the desk, jostling the bottles.

“Oh, I’m a wretched creature, Thor!” He exclaimed. “Wretched, wretched! Utterly wretched!”

“So you’re feeling wretched, then?” Brunnhilde suggested.

He jerked his head up and stared at her suspiciously. “Who told you? It doesn’t matter. It’s true, it’s true! What prince? What god? I am a wretch!”

“Sad sack is what you are. Is he always like this when he’s drunk?”

“He doesn’t usually get drunk.”

“Well he’s not going to impress her with this kind of display.”

“Herrrr…” Loki purred. “I would have held her little face in my hands.” He cupped his hands together in demonstration. “I would have fastened the cloak of office around her shoulders. I can’t touch her anymore! It’s bad.”

“Well, you're supposed to ask first, if you want to step outside of the polite touching.” Brunnhilde pointed out. “You were starting to get a bit overbearing.”

Loki jumped up off of the desk. “You're right!” He exclaimed, and rushed for the door.

Thor hooked him with one arm and tumbled him onto a sofa. “Not like this, you don't. You stay in here until you've calmed down a bit.”

“I can't go anyway.” Loki pouted. “_____ hates me. She's scared of me. She punched me really hard!”

“Yeah.” Brunnhilde chortled. “That was pretty great.”

Thor shot her another look. She shrugged again. “What do you want from me?”

“Magic.” Loki said. “She can strike with magic. She's so great. My amazing protege. My...my...aww, she hates me though. Who will teach her?”

“You will, ya big goof. She doesn't hate you. She was very relieved to hear that she was wrong. It wasn't something that one would want to be right about.”

“Really?” Loki whispered, looking up pleadingly from where he lay, sprawled on the couch. He looked remarkably soft and vulnerable like this, Brunnhilde thought, and it was a good look for him.

“Yeah. She said she might be willing to come back to her room eventually, but she doesn't feel right about it just yet, so you'll have to wait. You can remodel in the meantime, maybe put a rug or a plant in there or something. Anything to make it look less empty and...temporary? I think making it look like a more permanent home will help her mindset. If you're serious about appointing her seidkona, and it isn't just another prank, then you have to be serious about making this place a home for her as well.”

“You're riggght.” Loki slurred. “You're right, I have been remiss. How could I miss so many details? I guess...I just wanted things to go right so badly, that I only saw what I wanted to, not what really was. I can fix the room. I can make it wonderful! Does...will she really come back?”

“I think so. But you'd better not be like this when she does. You really need a bath.”

“A bath?” Loki said, aghast. “I can't take a bath! The bath is cursed! I can never bathe again!”

Brunnhilde yanked him off the couch and shoved him towards the bathroom.  “Get in there, and don't come out 'till you're sober.”

                                                                                *****

“Can you do it though?” Loki asked. “I need only a single audience with the man, and it is for his daughter's sake. Surely he would be willing to speak to me just once, even if it is just to call me kidnapping bastard.”

“You joke, but a lot of people still think that's what you are.” Steve said.

“They aren't entirely incorrect, it's just that there were extenuating circumstances-”

“Yeah, yeah. Magical medical abnormalities. Whatever. I can try to get in touch with the guy, but he might be busy. He's a trucker; his schedule isn't predictable.”

“What is a trucker?” Loki asked.

“You serious? Huh, what would they call them on Asgard? You ever seen one of those big semi-trucks? Eighteen-wheelers? No? One of these?”

He brought up a picture, and Loki brightened with recognition. “Oh! Yes, of course. Those bring our building supplies to the nearest settlement, and we use the bifrost to bring them here. He is a caravan driver. Respectable profession; I wonder why she was so poor.”

“Eh, it doesn't pay much, but it's usually steady work. Everybody needs supplies delivered. You telling me there's no road connecting New Asgard to the next city?”

“Not yet. Why would there be? This area was wilderness before we settled here. We would not have taken occupied land. There will be a road, someday, but it isn't a priority right now.”

“But talking to this woman's father in order to make her room more homey is?”

“Yes.”

“I like hearing that kind of talk from you. I'll try to get him. I can't guarantee anything past that.”

“Neither can I.”

                                                                                 *****

“-And your pencils, and notepad, your knife, and your hygiene set.” Saldis said. “I couldn't carry any more by myself, but I don't mind making multiple trips. Do you want your pillow and blanket? Your books?”

“Um,” You said, fastening your knife on your belt. “I'm fine with the pillows and stuff here. But the books...No. Thank you, but not the books. I think I'm going to spend the rest of the day with the Valkyries.”

“I'm sure that will be educational. Is there anything else you would like, my Seidkona?”

“Yes, actually.” You took your pencil and notebook. “I'd really like for you to explain to me what that word means.”

Saldis looked very confused. “You don't know?”

“I don't know that many Asgardian words yet. I need a dictionary or something, but those don't exist yet, do they?”

“I don't think so. But, well, a Seidkona is basically a woman who performs magic. That's the literal translation, at least. But they're more than just that. They are specially appointed women who work for nobles or important businesses, or they can be attached to the military as well.”

“So it's a job?”

“And a title, yes. Not every lady mage gets to be a Seidkona, it's a special title that can only be appointed by the Crown. A Seidkona supports the people she is appointed to with magic and advice, and is usually very close to them. She is favored.”

“I...really don't understand. I can barely do magic at all. And I'm not Asgardian; why should I be given an Asgardian job? Who am I appointed to? Loki? He's already a wizard, he doesn't need me! When did this happen? I wasn't told.”

“Then I am confused too.” Saldis said. “This news has flown like a bird. Everyone knows. Unless this is some baseless, popular rumor, I can't imagine why you would not have been informed.”

“Well, I have been pretty isolated lately.” You suggested. “That's why I want to hang out with the new Valkyries. Meet some new people, you know? Since there aren't that many people here I even can talk to. I've really got to do something about that.”

“I think, among the new Valkyries, that Borgljot can speak some English. I' am not familiar with the others, though. None of them strike me as unfriendly, but some might be disapproving of you. If anyone causes you trouble, do not hesitate to report it. As far as anyone knows, you are seidkona, and deserving of respect. Disrespect towards you is disrespect to your appointed, and since your appointed is the Crown Prince, that would be a very bad move on their part. Do not accept it. Although, if any of the Valkyries trouble you, I wouldn't pick a fight. Just tell the General, she won't stand for it.”

“Do you think any of them will?”

“Probably not. The Valkyries  may be an elite group, but they come from all backgrounds. It's possible that there might be a human Valkyrie someday. And since Thor Allfather prefers to protect this whole realm, they will no doubt ride out to protect humans as well.”

“Is it true their horses fly?” The book had said so, but the book had been wrong. Well, wrong enough.

“Yes! On ivory wings. But there's only one right now, so the stablefolk are trying to cross her with other horses, in hopes for a new line. It's probably going to take a while. But maybe if you ask him, His Highness will take you to see her?”

“Oh, Eh,” You fidgeted with your pencils. “Maybe in a while? Well, I should probably go to the training area. Maybe I can learn something by watching. But thank you so much for doing all this for me. I know I'm being difficult.”

Saldis laughed. “Try working for the royal family for five minutes.”

                                                                                  *****

You lunged forward, ferociously jamming your knife  as deeply as you could into your foes face, toppling it over into a lifeless heap.

“Ah. That is good, in its way.” The Valkyrie Borgljot set the straw dummy back up and retrieved your knife. “Fierce. Swift. Personal. But perhaps not the best technique for thee. The head makes for a tempting target, if thou can reach it. But thou'rt small, and many opponents would not present thee an easy strike. For one so little, there are more-oh, the word, what is it-ah, strategic targets.

Depending on how thy enemy is outfitted, thou might prefer to strike upward, under the ribs.” she demonstrated. “This knife hast the length to reach the heart or lungs. But if a breastplate is involved, this shan't work. In this event, 'tis best to aim under the arm, as so.” She showed you. “This is a vulnerable area, but few think on it.”

“How often do you think I'll end up in combat?” You asked, taking your knife back.

“One may hope not often, but one cannot know. Thou shouldst be learning magic to protect thyself, but if ever thou finds thyself in such a situation that thou cannot, then this is a good fallback. Of course, shouldst thou truly wish it, thou might always slash here-” She pointed to behind the dummy's knees. “And cut the tendons therin. This renders the leg all but useless, and brings them down to you. Then they may present their heads to thy blade!”

“How is she faring?” Brunnhilde called, approaching across the field.

“Okay-ish? I think?” You said.

“She is very game, General. Straight for the kill, no hesitating. Very like she hast done it before, though she claims not.”

Brunnhilde looked at you questioningly. You just shrugged, but felt almost certain she could see the guilt in it.

“Her body requires strengthening, however.” Borgljot continued. “I know not the mortal standard. Her spirit hath strength, but her body lacks.”

“She's been sick for a long time.” Brunnhilde explained.

“Yeah. I'm just now getting better. That's why I was brought here in the first place.”

“I hast a brother among the Einherjar. He tells me thou hast a mark on thy hand? A magic mark? Might I see it?”

“I guess so?” You extended your left hand, palm up. Borgljot very carefully cupped it in her own large hand, as if worried she might damage you. She might just; her hands were rough and callused from many years of holding a sword.

“I was the guardian of a prosperous business, before my true nature was revealed.” She had told you earlier. “They were saddened to see me go, but justly proud to claim they hadst me at all.”

The Valkyries were a unique type of Aesir, all possessing very similar qualities. They had heightened battle capabilities, and many-though apparently not all-could see and communicate with the recently slain, to some degree. There were an unpredictable amount of them born every generation, though this entire, most recent generation had been all but skipped, due to the terrible tragedy that left Brunnhilde as the last survivor of the previous group.

Only a Valkyrie could recognize another Valkyrie, and with the loss of all the others, and Brunnhilde's absence, the ability to find and train more had been lost. Now that she was here, she was finding Valkyries of all ages, even young children. They gathered around to observe the mark with Borgljot, chatting among themselves. One of the young ones asked something in Asgardian, but all you could make out was 'are you', and 'Loki'.

Brunnhilde snickered.

“I didn't quite catch that.” You admitted.

“She asked if you were going to marry Loki, since Odin married his own Seidkona.”

“Uh...” Warmth blossomed across your face. “Too soon. Um, can you tell her I've got to learn how to be a Seidkona first, before I can begin to think about marrying anyone?” The kid didn't need to know about the problems between you and Loki. And you'd just gotten a tidbit of information about Loki's parents, that hadn't been mentioned in that treacherous book.

Brunnhilde obliged, and the girl looked satisfied with your explanation.

“What brought this mark about?” Borgljot asked.

“That's one of the great mysteries of my life.” You replied. “I don't know what caused it, but I know some of the nasty effects it can have on me.”

“Is it a curse?”

“I'm told it isn't, but sometimes it sure feels like it. Otherwise, it's just a complete mystery. I don't know anymore about it, except that it apparently can't be removed by any means.”

“And that's all anyone knows.” Brunnhilde said. “So how about, instead of looking for answers that aren't there, you all get back to work?”

With a chorus of “Yes, General”, the Valkyries all went back to their training.

“You've been out here most of the day.” She said. “You want to wash up and find something to eat? My bath has a lock on the door.”

“Best bribe I've heard all day.”

                                                                               *****

Brunnhilde's bath was an actual above-ground tub, which you soaked in, grateful for the soothing warmth on your sore muscles. You hadn't done much physical activity for the past few months; you were definitely out of shape.

Magic moves easier through a fit body, does it? Well, you could certainly use the exercise.  You had to think of it as a suggestion, not as suggestive. You had to go back and rethink all those interactions with him, re-contextualize them, without all the fear and suspicion.

He hadn't asked all the questions that he had needed to, but you hadn't provided answers either. All the things he had done, aside from the flights of temper, had all been for your sake. Looking back, he had really tried. He knew nothing about you, probably nothing about your culture, but he had tried for you. When was the last time someone had gone so out of their way?

The last time had been during the Event, when your benefactor had turned out to be a madman, bent on replacing his losses with you.

That was the real poison. That was what curled inside you and sprouted into paranoia; a past that you alone remembered.  But Loki had nothing to do with it. You had to end its influence over you. If you wanted any real future, you had to overturn that false past.

So what did you really want from the future? For the past few years, you hadn't been able to bring yourself to think of that at all. After the Event, your mind had remained clouded by the habits of survival, living day to day, unable to conceive of future plans.

But it was over now. It was over and done with, and it would never be again. It was safe now, to think about tomorrow, the next week, five years from now. You would be here. Here would be here.

Maybe what you had needed was to be brought away from your old, familiar surroundings. The place where all the bad things had happened. When you looked out your window now, you didn't see vast expanses of dead fields. You saw plants and landscapes unlike anything back home. You saw a sun that acted strange, and people who dressed outlandishly, strangers all.

They didn't know you as a poor, sad, insane baker. They knew you as a seidkona.

Why shouldn't you become that?

#loki (marvel) #thor (marvel) #brunnhilde (marvel) #valkyrie (marvel) #Steve Rogers #captain america #loki x reader #marvel fanfiction

[lady-of-dare]

Halex fic rec list

After what seems like forever I’m finally done. So please enjoy this list and I hope you’ll have a lot of fun reading those fics. And please leave them a comment, I’m sure the authors would love that!

could be canon fics

Continuing Education 

Author: Taricha

Summary: “Yeah?” Alex said with a smirk, sneaking his fingertips up under the lab coat. “Does that turn you on? I could calculate the area of a circle for you, if it gets you hot.”

“Maybe later,” Hank said agreeably, and kissed him briefly before pulling back and saying with alarming enthusiasm, “you could go to college!”

If I Were an Enzyme 

Author: AlwaysCryOverSpilledMilk

"If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes."

"I don't wear jeans. These are dress pants."

Or, in which Alex attempts to woo Hank with scientific pick-up lines.

When Hope Guards the Gate 

Author: Meddalarksen, victoriousscarf

Charles pretends to create a mutant school, Hank actually creates a mutant school, and Erik's band of revolutionaries weaves in and out of their lives.

No none ever claimed being a mutant was going to be easy, but no one said it was going to be this complicated either.

my absolute favorite, must-read! Edited version of „Not Just Pain and Anger“

Not Just Pain and Anger 

Author: Meddalarksen, victoriousscarf

After the events of First Class, Erik and Charles' lives continue to intertwine, and they attempt to stay together despite being on opposite sides. It's easier and harder by turns, as one tries to continue to build his school, and the other tries to raise an army.

previous version of “When Hope Guards the Gate”

Five Things Alex Hates About Hank (and all the things he doesn’t) 

Author: meeks00

“The blue one was mine,” Hank concludes. He sets both tubes back in the rack with the others. “Not everything needs to explode for it to be ruined, Alex,” he says.

Now That I'm Older 

Author: plinys

When Scott begins to show symptoms of something all too familiar to Alex, he brings him to the only place he knows that can help, and runs into an old 'friend' along the way.

Other AU’s

The Things That Fade 

Author: UisceOneLove

It was little things here and there in the beginning.

Lapsing on the affection Alex always had in that nickname like the previous time in the lab, or he’d forget a word when it was right on the tip of his tongue. There were a few times he would be in the middle of a conversation with Charles and he would suddenly blank on what point he was making. Once he ended up in the jet’s bay and forgot why he was there in the first place.

Or in other words, the world where Hank gets Alzheimer's and is forced to see his world crumble.

Amazing fic, read “It Ends Tonight” after this

It Ends Tonight 

Author: UisceOneLove

Alex was tired.

Alex was angry.

Alex wanted to destroy everything he could with his beams.

Alex wanted to scream and cry until it hurt and then just do it some more.

Alex just wanted his fucking Hank back.

Second part of “The Things That Fade”

5 Ways Logan Fixed Everything (Like a Boss) 

Author: Laen_Lamperouge

What would happen if Charles and Eric could persuade Logan to join them?

(or how Logan solves all problems with sarcasm and coolness)

Solace 

Author: mangollama

Alex's daemon hasn't settled. Hank wonders why that is.

bless the broken road 

Author: the_queenmaker

Her father had wanted a boy. That’s where all the trouble had started

Scientists Prefer Blondes 

Author: Meddalarksen, victoriousscarf

Hank made a vague distressed sound and shook his head. "How's a steady lover treating you?" he asked and Tony choked on air.

Alex snorted at that, crossing his arms out of habit, "And he's a blond too. I tell you, you guys have a type."

"A type?" Tony blinked and Hank laughed. "We have a type? Who has a type."

"Apparently scientists prefer blondes," Hank translated for him. "It's been Alex's pet theory for a while."

Someone to Love the Both of Us

Author: emperors_girl

In the nursery, the baby is still crying. Charles leaves Erik where he sleeps and goes to pick up the child. They'll both be gone by the time Erik wakes.

not a fan of mpreg, but I really liked this one!

College AU

The Old College Try 

Author: misterkevo

"The thing is, part of what makes Hank McCoy uncomfortable to be spending time alone with Alex Summers is that it’s possible that he has the smallest, most minute crush on him." - or, college AU in which Hank tries a new look to get Alex’s attention.

Hot for Teacher 

Author: arosynose

Alex needs to pass Pre-Calc if he doesn't want to flunk out of college. Unfortunately, his professor is a total dick.

High School AU

If You Liked The Book, You'll Hate The Movie 

Author: Paperclipbitch

Modern-Day High School AU. It’s not until Hank realises half the class are glancing towards the back of the classroom with something like nerves and something like schadenfreude that he finds out Alex Summers is back.

detriment for tooth enamel 

Author: wordquaff

This is half about a fake relationship, but mostly about an anxious boy named Hank and his overbearing friends and really good guidance counselor

It was quiet for a few minutes as they exchanged looks and Hank drew tight circles with his fingertips into the pads of his digits, before Ms. Pryde finally spoke, “I’m sorry, is this some youth culture thing I’m not keeping up with? Pressuring friends into sex with Dawson Creek actors?”

Skidding Down the Sliding Scale 

Author: keire_ke

Alex chalks up his grudging love for his dad to Stockholm Syndrome. He’s not going to stand idly by while Erik harvests Mr. Xavier’s innocent soul, however. Human AU.

It started with a bong 

Author: Humphrey

The day the principal finds a bong in his locker, seriously changes Hank’s life.

His dads are divorcing, the school’s favorite bad boy is in detention with him and people are actually gossiping about him.

Message Received 

Author: flowermasters

Alex Summers is bored in Miss Frost's class. Luckily, he happens to have Hank McCoy's phone number.

Out of Spite or Love 

Author: acherik

Hank pretends to be Alex’s boyfriend after Alex asks him to. He has no idea why but he plans to find out.

Tales of a Serial Homewrecker (With Good Intentions) 

Author: AlwaysCryOverSpilledMilk

“Let's make a deal. If… if neither of us are married or engaged or in a serious relationship or whatever by the time you turn 35, since my birthday is earlier than yours, then we have to get married."

“Sure, dude, why the hell not?"

Some other Modern AU’s (no powers)

5 Minute Flirtations 

Author: blumvale (sailorpipn)

Raven convinces Hank to try speed dating. Initially, Hank is quite wary about the whole thing. Once at the bar, the first person he meets is Alex, the bartender. While Alex lends his ear to Hank's dating woes, the two men grow closer until Hank realizes, maybe speed dating was the best idea Raven has ever had.

back to me 

Author: sweetpeater

It's Christmas Eve.

It's Christmas Eve, and Hank is alone.

we’re all here because we’re not all here 

Author: nighimpossible

AU, no powers. Charles and the gang are in treatment at the Elizabeth Braddock Rehabilitation Clinic for their various problems. Erik is the new patient, convinced he's going to die. Alex is getting a little too intimate with his therapist, and Dr. Hank McCoy remains torn between love and ethics. Lines are crossed, tears are cried, hopes are dashed and dreams are reborn. Somewhere in between, people fall in love.

The Loveliest Nightmare 

Author: nightmare_kisser

Welcome to the D-Wing. My name is Charles, but please, call me Professor X. I think you'll like it here; we're all good friends. We used to be mutants, you see, in another reality.

AU where everyone is a big family (especially Hank and Alex and sometimes even Scott)

this is only now (where do we go from here) 

Author: thebodyeclectic

From this prompt on the 1stclass_kink meme: Modern AU, where an older Alex (in his mid twenties?) somehow figures out/recieves the news that, no, his younger brother didn't die in the crash like he'd been told, and then sets out to find him. The catch is, Scott's been adopted and adores his 'dad', who is incidentally the adorkable Hank McCoy.

The Start of a Coming Race 

Author: thebodyeclectic

Wherein their family gets even bigger.

Continuation of “this is only now”

Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Raisin Cookies and Mob Bosses 

Author: orphan_account

Leaning forward, Alex whispers, “Can I tell you a seeecret?”

“Um. Sure. Why not?”

“I’m gonna marry Hank McCoy.” He watches with a detached interest as the guy’s ears go pink, followed by his cheeks.

“Oh, really? Why would you say that?”

“He made me chocolate chip oatmeal raisin cookies. And they were the Best Ever.”

for here you are, standing there, loving me 

Author: chloeburgis

Charles is a brilliant grad student, at Columbia on a full-ride. But his scholarship doesn't cover rent or the other necessities of living, so when his mother finally cuts him off, he is well and truly fucked. Enter emotionally distant father Erik Lehnsherr, in need of a live-in nanny for his seven adopted children. Who have driven off the eleven previous nannies. And who are all highly powerful mutants. Really, how hard can it be?

Or, the modern day The Sound of Music AU no one asked for

This Will Be 

Author: SpiritsFlame

Hank McCoy is in love with the perfect woman. One day, he's certain, they will fall in love and be married. It would be a grand plan if they'd ever met. When she falls into a coma, Hank tries to look after her and is thrown into the topsy-turvey world of her family. And he can't help but be drawn to her rude and infuriating foster brother Alex. Written for Reel_Xmen

Lean On Me 

Author: SpiritsFlame

Ten years ago, Charles and Erik split up, dividing their six kids between them. None of them expect them to meet at summer camp. And no one could have predicted the results. Written for the reel_xmen challenge.

Okay so that’s it for now. 

These are the fics that I remember good enough to recommend them. If you want more, please visit my ao3 account and look at my bookmarks ^^

Oh and these are only from ao3, since I didn’t find a lot of Halex on other websites.

If you want more rec list (for whatever fandom, ship, character or whatever) send me a message!

Enjoy

#halex #fic rec #x men #hank mccoy #alex summers #beast #marvel #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr #cherik #magneto #professor x #raven #mystique #sometimes scott summers

[battleshot]

~Song.~

With Eos seemingly at peace, there was much time for reflection. With another big change incoming, when Gladio had free time and in the calm before bed he found himself thinking of where he’d come from and where he’d ended up.

Not long ago it seemed, though it had really been years ago he’d met Prompto: The bright, energetic friend to Prince Noctis. Initially, Gladio hadn’t been fond of him at all. Granted, it was part of who he was–- not initially warming to anyone new. Though, the new boy quickly proved himself a worthy member to make their trio a quartet. He had moxy and unparalleled skill with a gun, add in some goofy charm and he really wasn’t all that bad.

To think now Gladiolus Amicitia, the gruff and hardened Shield of the King was now sitting in the quickly emptying apartment they shared amongst the various boxes. Crazier to think that in a very short time they’d gone from friends to lovers to boyfriends to husbands.

After all the trials and tribulations. All the pain they’d been through, rushing through their relationship just made sense. Grab tomorrow by the reigns when you can just in case the next day doesn’t come.

Prompto had changed his life so severely. From someone who was mostly business, fighting tooth and nail every day to someone who enjoyed the quiet domestic moments. He’d helped him meet people he wouldn’t have otherwise known–- some who had quickly become some of his closest friends. There wasn’t much he could do to thank the one he loved so without it becoming a huge, overbearing gesture. So, he took a page out of Prompto’s book.

While Gladio wasn’t extremely versed in music. He couldn’t hold a candle to his husband, he’d played piano as a child of a well to do family. It was filed back in the skills he carried but, found useless like ballroom dancing. Translating piano to Prompto’s guitar had been difficult but, he’d worked at it when the other was away as often as possible to get to where he was today. Creating an ode to their entire relationship really. From the beginning, a journey of friends to when they’d been a fling to dating and where they were now.

When the door clicked open, he rolled up the sleeves of his sweater to his elbows, pic between his teeth and locked eyes with Prompto, amber hues soft a moment with a matching smile. Then, he began to strum slowly. It was a smile tune. His voice was suited to something folksy like the words he’d crafted so carefully. Though, with effort it was likely he’d be decent at belting out some rock songs. Regardless, his musical prowess wasn’t great in comparison to Prompto’s but, the idea of playing something for him– creating something for him… was what mattered. Especially when Prompto had been going through a mental battle himself.

“Weary mage, Fighter lost… Broke your back at what cost? The world ain’t kind but that’s alright, ‘Cause I am here with you tonight.

So lay down your head next to me, one big bed if you need some company… I won’t hog the sheets and I won’t grind my teeth you can sleep as deep as you need. When morning arrives I will be by your side with some breakfast and coffee. The days may be long but, if you can hang on the nights could be so sweet…

The roads are long, the forests thick, the bandits cruel and the necromancers sick. The world don’t care what you lack but, I will protect you from attack.

So lay down your head next to me, one big bed if you need some company… I won’t hog the sheets and I won’t grind my teeth you can sleep as deep as you need. When morning arrives I will be by your side with some breakfast and coffee. The days may be long but, if you can hang on the nights could be so sweet…”

Soon they’d be living in a house together. Soon… they’d be entertaining the idea of children more seriously. What a strange and beautiful life. Gladio wouldn’t have it any other way.

As he enters the apartment, a strange feeling indeed -- barely anything left, the echo of empty hallways and boxes where furniture once sat. Boots move swift across the floor, placing keys down -- the usual jingle jangle before he notices his husband sat across from him. A soft smile given to his partner who looked more casual than usual, relaxed even. But it’s the item in his hand that causes momentary confusion, guitar strings to be strummed however; would silence him.  The blond leans against the countertop adjacent, hands placed in pockets as one leg crosses the other, tip of his boot touching floor. A warmth rushes over him as Gladio begins to sing, shivers down his spine. Once again does he melt for his partner, feeling himself already weak at the knees. A bright smile, and a beautiful shade to dust his cheeks. 

He awaits for Gladio to finish before he closes the distance, wrapping arms around his neck, leaning forehead to his. “Babe... That was beautiful.... Gods you’re perfect.... How did I ever get so lucky?” He giggles a little bit giddy before placing soft kisses to his partners lips. He gently toys the guitar from him, placing it aside now. Mere seconds before he is straddling his lap, smiling and reeling on that high of happiness as he brings his lips to his -- his neck, anywhere he could reach.  “ I love you ... “ he whispers betwixt their kisses. 

#[ listen i couldn't be arsed to tag this or colour it -- so deal w it rissa. #strictomiles #submission

[sage-nebula]

em-exceeds-change-zearu replied to your post “hey so i saw someone vaguely translate the argument between lillie and...”

well sumo ani has been largely taking advantage of the slice-of-life aspect and having satoshi stay in one place to really build on small details in the background that show how different characters bond and stuff? so i think it might keep giving lowkey sinister hints like this regarding lusamine because honestly that line gave me chills? not just for the reasons you gave but also how easily she dismissed baby!lillie's opinion for being childish and stupid?  because that just shows how little regard she had for lillie’s (or possibly anyone’s) opinion and stuff? (the actual line was something like “ah you probably didn’t want to evolve it because you thought it’d be cuter or something didn’t you” so it’s a very indirect “your opinion is stupid and childish and doesn’t matter” kinda thing? which makes it worse because of how easily that can be hidden as merely being an overbearing smother and not actually [abusive]?)  but yeah i’ve defnitely been enjoying sun & moon so far, mostly because i’m weak to slice of life garbage and this is lowkey the domestic bliss aus we all wrote as kids just like how kalos saga was lowkey the badass ash aus we all wrote as kids. it’s just got lots of sweet moments and really emphasizes the individual culture of people together with pokemon and stuff so. i feel like i will enjoy it but i’m also lowkey excited for what this arc will bring now . ha

Yeah, all of that is very true! With regards to this, though:

(the actual line was something like “ah you probably didn’t want to evolve it because you thought it’d be cuter or something didn’t you” so it’s a very indirect “your opinion is stupid and childish and doesn’t matter” kinda thing? which makes it worse because of how easily that can be hidden as merely being an overbearing smother and not actually [abusive]?)

Yeah, that’s . . . kind of the problem . . .

The thing about abuse is that it’s not really always a black-and-white thing. Like, it can be---there are some things that are inarguably abusive, such as smacking your child across the face when they upset you or denying them food, just as there are some things that are undeniably not, such as making sure they get three meals a day and telling them that you love them. The problem, though, is that a lot of emotional abuse falls into something of a gray area, wherein society has normalized certain things, and so even though they are harmful, they aren’t recognized as such. These things are abuse, when they are part of a larger overall pattern of harmful behaviors toward another human, but because we accept them as standard (and sometimes even necessary) parts of parenting, no one bats an eye at them or thinks anything of it. 

This is one of those things. As you say, Lusamine is undermining and trivializing Lillie’s desires, thoughts, and feelings. She’s dismissing what Lillie thinks and feels in favor of what she thinks and feels, and moreover, she’s doing it in such a way that belittles Lillie and tears her down for having those thoughts and feelings in the first place. In so doing, she’s creating foundation for a future in which Lillie doubts herself, or thinks that her thoughts, feelings, and contributions aren’t worthwhile, that they’re silly and meaningless. After all, if all you hear is that you’re silly and vapid, you’re going to come to believe that after a while. I’d wager that if Lillie hadn’t moved out of Aether Paradise to attend the school, she’d already believe that by now. (In other words, the school is a really good environment full of positive reinforcement for her.) Either way, Lusamine treating Lillie this way is emotionally abusive. Verbal and emotional abuse isn’t all about calling names and spitting insults; belittling and patronizing this way can count as emotional abuse as well, if it’s part of a marked pattern of doing so, and particularly if it’s done in emotionally charged or important situations.

Now, as far as this particular case goes, I will say that in the one gifset I saw of the scene, it did look like the clefairy wanted to evolve and was happy to do so. In that case, Lillie should have listened to the clefairy, and provided it with the Moon Stone herself if it really did want to evolve, just as Ash has always supported his own team in their evolution quests or denials. HOWEVER! Even if Lillie was wrong for not listening to her pokémon’s wishes (and that’s not the reasoning it sounds like Lusamine pointed out; instead, she accused Lillie of being shallow and stupid), Lusamine should have explained that to her, and kindly talked her through it. Children aren’t always right; sometimes they do make mistakes. It’s part of being human. But when you’re a parent, it’s your responsibility to explain to your child when they make a mistake, and why what they did was a mistake, and genuinely listen to their reasoning. Even if they’re still wrong, at the end of it you should be able to teach them what the right answer is in a way that makes them feel as if they matter, as if they’re valued, as if they’re important. Your job as a parent is to guide and raise them with patience and love. You’re supposed to build them up, not tear them down. If you’re incapable of doing that, you shouldn’t be a parent.

So while it may be true that Lillie should have evolved the clefairy anyway (may; I honestly haven’t seen the episode myself yet), it was still wrong of Lusamine to just evolve the clefairy on her terms, without explaining to Lillie why it was what was best for the clefairy. Violating Lillie’s consent, and then belittling and demeaning her for being upset about it, is absolutely a hallmark of Lusamine being an abusive parent. Those who think she was “nice” in this episode have . . . well, probably never faced parental abuse themselves, in which case they’re fortunate, and I’m happy for them.

But anyway, I’m really happy you’re enjoying the anime so far! Honestly, more power to you. I’ll admit that it’s not quite my thing because I tend to favor Pokémon as an adventure series, but even though it’s not my favorite saga, I do think that it has good qualities as well. But then again, I think that all of the sagas have their pros and cons. My favorites are very specific (Kanto, Orange, TSME, and the Flare arc lmao), but I think that all of the other sagas have things to enjoy about them. I personally don’t get this fandom’s obsession with taking an “all or nothing” mindset toward the various sagas, where you either have to LOVE a saga and never criticize a single aspect of it no matter how hypocritical rejecting the criticism makes you look, or you HATE a saga and never praise a single aspect of it no matter how hypocritical rejecting the praise makes you look. Why we can’t just look at the sagas with some degree of nuance is just . . . a mystery to me. I’m not saying everyone has to like everything, but jeez, you can dislike something and still admit that it has a good quality here or there, and you can absolutely cherish something and still admit that it has areas where it could have been improved upon. It’s not rocket science, PokéAni fandom, get with it.

Anyway, that’s off-topic. On-topic, I’m really glad the Alola anime is up your alley. :) I hope you love it from beginning to end!

#em-exceeds-change-zearu

[jackdoakstx]

A field guide to jerks at work

Ten years ago, the typically sober and staid management book genre welcomed an off-color title to its shelves. Despite a name unable to be printed in a family newspaper, Stanford professor Robert Sutton’s “The No A–hole Rule” became a runaway bestseller, selling 800,000 copies and sparking translations into languages including Polish and Japanese.

It was based on a simple idea, brought to life by crude language but grounded in academic research, corporate case studies and an entirely relatable idea: Companies that adopt a no-jerks policy simply perform better.

But if that book was largely written for managers and human resources wonks as a warning against hiring creeps, Sutton’s newest one is for the rest of us who actually have to deal with them. Over the past decade, Sutton says, he’s gotten emails – 8,000, he estimates – asking for advice about coping with jerks on the job.

There was the retail worker whose boss whispered insults and sexual innuendo in her ear. A pastor asking about how to manage nasty but non-paid volunteers. The young attorney suffering through a corrosive clerkship.

“The A–hole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People who Treat You Like Dirt” is his answer, offering ways of spotting and coping with the various kinds of jerks we encounter at work. After all, the abusive bosses, uncivil co-workers and tyrannical teammates who populate office cube farms are not all the same – and require different responses. In their natural habitat, they inspire fear and loathing, dysfunction and even depression. And as with many unwelcome pests or predators, outright avoidance is typically a good strategy.

But quitting often isn’t an option. To help identify the various breeds of difficult co-workers – and how to survive them – we spoke with Sutton, as well as a few other experts on hostile co-workers and toxic bosses he cites in his book. They are our field guides to coping with five types of jerks at work.

– The lone “bosshole”

Who they are: Research finds that rudeness in the workplace operates almost like the common cold, infecting a “carrier” who spreads it to others. Sutton cites University of Maryland researcher Trevor Foulk, who found that when people experience even a single instance of rudeness at work, they become more aware of it – and are more likely to respond in kind.

“You start seeing it, you start responding to it,” Foulk said. “You become more vigilant, more discerning, you tend to interpret things as rude.” That’s why, he says, it’s important for organizations to oust a single pompous jerk quickly.

What to do: One strategy is to try to switch teams within the company, Sutton says, pointing to Salesforce.com, which he says allows engineers to change teams without getting permission from their current boss. If that’s not an option, he suggests documenting the problems – and doing so with other people who may also feel victimized – and then reporting the problem to human resources. In a professional and amiable culture, “your chances for using the power structure are much higher than if you’re working in ‘jerk city’ ” – his name for cultures where problematic people are everywhere.

Christine Porath, a professor at Georgetown University who wrote a recent book on incivility in the workplace, says it’s also important to remember how damaging those dysfunctional bosses can be to your performance. She suggests investing more time in the people who are respectful.”You have to build up those positive relationships to help buffer or neutralize the negative one,” she said.

-The powerful bully

Who they are: The engineer with hard-to-replace skills whose creepy overtures get overlooked. The rainmaking deal maker whose boorish behavior goes unpunished. Whether they’re explicitly in charge or simply influential, too many organizations look the other way when top performers or top bosses behave badly. Sutton points to Roger Ailes – the powerful Fox News chief who left the media empire amid a swirl of sexual harassment allegations. “Going to HR didn’t seem to help anyone for years,” he says.

What to do: Tread carefully. “You’re fighting the cool kids,” Sutton says. In such cases, getting out is really often the best advice – especially if the behavior goes beyond milder incivilities. “This is one when you often leave, or when you hide, or when you lie in wait until their power diminishes,” Sutton said.Bennett Tepper, a professor at Ohio State University who studies abusive bosses, said that while he’s not suggesting a blame-the-victim mentality, it may be possible to make yourself less vulnerable.

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“Bosses who are jerks are usually pretty strategic about who they target,” he said, and may go after underlings perceived as weak. “If you present yourself as competent, capable and connected to other people, it may make you a less desirable target.”

Making yourself indispensable may even trigger the jerk’s selfish streak: “Most bosses understand the success of their employees also shines a bright light on them,” Tepper says.

– The clueless jerk

Who they are: Many of us. Sutton says his mantra is to be “slow to label other people as a–holes and fast to label yourself one.” That’s because many people are simply not aware how much their rude remarks or short-tempered outbursts can hurt other people. He contrasts them to what he calls “strategic jerks” – people who’ve heard the stories about how Steve Jobs pushed and pushed employees and think they too should unleash their verbal wrath on co-workers to achieve success.

What to do: If their intentions seem good, talk to them – or have someone they trust do so instead. “Sometimes awareness is enough, especially when the last thing they want is to be seen as a jerk by others,” Sutton says.

Porath agrees, but cautions to start by listing a fault of your own. “Instead of putting them on the spot and making them feel defensive, treat it like feedback,” she said.

For those who are aware – and are doing it on purpose – Sutton says they have to be convinced that “treating the other person that way is detrimental to their career. If they’re really strategic that way – and I always say the emotionally controlled a–hole who knows how to turn it on and off is the most difficult to deal with . . . you have to prove to them there are negative consequences to their behavior.”

– The petty tyrant

Who they are: The office administrator who approves the expense reports. The HR coordinator who slows the hiring process with added rules. These “rule Nazis,” as Sutton calls them, are people who lack prestige but have influence over the day-to-day details of work. Research, he says, has shown that when people have moderate responsibility but low levels of respect on the job, “they tend to take it out on other people, both to make themselves feel in some control and perhaps to exact a little bit of revenge.”

What to do: Unless you have the power to ignore them – or get rid of them – the best tactic is to give them some of the prestige they crave, Sutton says.

Tepper agrees. “The person you’re describing sounds like someone who is desperately wanting respect from other people,” he says. “The word ‘ingratiation’ has some negative meaning attached to it, but there are occasions where it costs you nothing to be pleasant. It’s incredibly disarming to other people.”

– The overbearing client

Who they are: The rude customer who’s far too demanding. Or the selfish client who cruelly ignores your needs. This is another tricky one. The power structure works differently, after all, when you’re managing a jerk on the outside rather than the creep within the organization. It’s not easy to fire the people who pay the bills.

What to do: That’s why both Porath and Sutton suggest that managing the overbearing client is really more about managing yourself. Try not to answer angry emails quickly and stoop to their level. Set down the phone and let them rant without listening. Remind yourself that the project will last only a few months. In other words: “Find ways to reduce the amount of damage you take in.”

from News And Updates http://www.denverpost.com/2017/09/22/dealing-with-jerks-at-work/

[laurendzim]

A field guide to jerks at work

Ten years ago, the typically sober and staid management book genre welcomed an off-color title to its shelves. Despite a name unable to be printed in a family newspaper, Stanford professor Robert Sutton’s “The No A–hole Rule” became a runaway bestseller, selling 800,000 copies and sparking translations into languages including Polish and Japanese.

It was based on a simple idea, brought to life by crude language but grounded in academic research, corporate case studies and an entirely relatable idea: Companies that adopt a no-jerks policy simply perform better.

But if that book was largely written for managers and human resources wonks as a warning against hiring creeps, Sutton’s newest one is for the rest of us who actually have to deal with them. Over the past decade, Sutton says, he’s gotten emails – 8,000, he estimates – asking for advice about coping with jerks on the job.

There was the retail worker whose boss whispered insults and sexual innuendo in her ear. A pastor asking about how to manage nasty but non-paid volunteers. The young attorney suffering through a corrosive clerkship.

“The A–hole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People who Treat You Like Dirt” is his answer, offering ways of spotting and coping with the various kinds of jerks we encounter at work. After all, the abusive bosses, uncivil co-workers and tyrannical teammates who populate office cube farms are not all the same – and require different responses. In their natural habitat, they inspire fear and loathing, dysfunction and even depression. And as with many unwelcome pests or predators, outright avoidance is typically a good strategy.

But quitting often isn’t an option. To help identify the various breeds of difficult co-workers – and how to survive them – we spoke with Sutton, as well as a few other experts on hostile co-workers and toxic bosses he cites in his book. They are our field guides to coping with five types of jerks at work.

– The lone “bosshole”

Who they are: Research finds that rudeness in the workplace operates almost like the common cold, infecting a “carrier” who spreads it to others. Sutton cites University of Maryland researcher Trevor Foulk, who found that when people experience even a single instance of rudeness at work, they become more aware of it – and are more likely to respond in kind.

“You start seeing it, you start responding to it,” Foulk said. “You become more vigilant, more discerning, you tend to interpret things as rude.” That’s why, he says, it’s important for organizations to oust a single pompous jerk quickly.

What to do: One strategy is to try to switch teams within the company, Sutton says, pointing to Salesforce.com, which he says allows engineers to change teams without getting permission from their current boss. If that’s not an option, he suggests documenting the problems – and doing so with other people who may also feel victimized – and then reporting the problem to human resources. In a professional and amiable culture, “your chances for using the power structure are much higher than if you’re working in ‘jerk city’ ” – his name for cultures where problematic people are everywhere.

Christine Porath, a professor at Georgetown University who wrote a recent book on incivility in the workplace, says it’s also important to remember how damaging those dysfunctional bosses can be to your performance. She suggests investing more time in the people who are respectful.”You have to build up those positive relationships to help buffer or neutralize the negative one,” she said.

-The powerful bully

Who they are: The engineer with hard-to-replace skills whose creepy overtures get overlooked. The rainmaking deal maker whose boorish behavior goes unpunished. Whether they’re explicitly in charge or simply influential, too many organizations look the other way when top performers or top bosses behave badly. Sutton points to Roger Ailes – the powerful Fox News chief who left the media empire amid a swirl of sexual harassment allegations. “Going to HR didn’t seem to help anyone for years,” he says.

What to do: Tread carefully. “You’re fighting the cool kids,” Sutton says. In such cases, getting out is really often the best advice – especially if the behavior goes beyond milder incivilities. “This is one when you often leave, or when you hide, or when you lie in wait until their power diminishes,” Sutton said.Bennett Tepper, a professor at Ohio State University who studies abusive bosses, said that while he’s not suggesting a blame-the-victim mentality, it may be possible to make yourself less vulnerable.

Related Articles

September 22, 2017 Finding workers a challenge in Colorado’s bid for Amazon campus

September 22, 2017 Colorado landfills are illegally burying low-level radioactive waste from oil and gas industry, Denver Post learns

September 22, 2017 Uber to lose its license to operate in London

September 21, 2017 Facebook to turn over thousands of Russian ads to Congress, reversing decision

September 21, 2017 The ATM at 50: How it’s changed consumer behavior

“Bosses who are jerks are usually pretty strategic about who they target,” he said, and may go after underlings perceived as weak. “If you present yourself as competent, capable and connected to other people, it may make you a less desirable target.”

Making yourself indispensable may even trigger the jerk’s selfish streak: “Most bosses understand the success of their employees also shines a bright light on them,” Tepper says.

– The clueless jerk

Who they are: Many of us. Sutton says his mantra is to be “slow to label other people as a–holes and fast to label yourself one.” That’s because many people are simply not aware how much their rude remarks or short-tempered outbursts can hurt other people. He contrasts them to what he calls “strategic jerks” – people who’ve heard the stories about how Steve Jobs pushed and pushed employees and think they too should unleash their verbal wrath on co-workers to achieve success.

What to do: If their intentions seem good, talk to them – or have someone they trust do so instead. “Sometimes awareness is enough, especially when the last thing they want is to be seen as a jerk by others,” Sutton says.

Porath agrees, but cautions to start by listing a fault of your own. “Instead of putting them on the spot and making them feel defensive, treat it like feedback,” she said.

For those who are aware – and are doing it on purpose – Sutton says they have to be convinced that “treating the other person that way is detrimental to their career. If they’re really strategic that way – and I always say the emotionally controlled a–hole who knows how to turn it on and off is the most difficult to deal with . . . you have to prove to them there are negative consequences to their behavior.”

– The petty tyrant

Who they are: The office administrator who approves the expense reports. The HR coordinator who slows the hiring process with added rules. These “rule Nazis,” as Sutton calls them, are people who lack prestige but have influence over the day-to-day details of work. Research, he says, has shown that when people have moderate responsibility but low levels of respect on the job, “they tend to take it out on other people, both to make themselves feel in some control and perhaps to exact a little bit of revenge.”

What to do: Unless you have the power to ignore them – or get rid of them – the best tactic is to give them some of the prestige they crave, Sutton says.

Tepper agrees. “The person you’re describing sounds like someone who is desperately wanting respect from other people,” he says. “The word ‘ingratiation’ has some negative meaning attached to it, but there are occasions where it costs you nothing to be pleasant. It’s incredibly disarming to other people.”

– The overbearing client

Who they are: The rude customer who’s far too demanding. Or the selfish client who cruelly ignores your needs. This is another tricky one. The power structure works differently, after all, when you’re managing a jerk on the outside rather than the creep within the organization. It’s not easy to fire the people who pay the bills.

What to do: That’s why both Porath and Sutton suggest that managing the overbearing client is really more about managing yourself. Try not to answer angry emails quickly and stoop to their level. Set down the phone and let them rant without listening. Remind yourself that the project will last only a few months. In other words: “Find ways to reduce the amount of damage you take in.”

from News And Updates http://www.denverpost.com/2017/09/22/dealing-with-jerks-at-work/

[janetoconnerfl]

A field guide to jerks at work

Ten years ago, the typically sober and staid management book genre welcomed an off-color title to its shelves. Despite a name unable to be printed in a family newspaper, Stanford professor Robert Sutton’s “The No A–hole Rule” became a runaway bestseller, selling 800,000 copies and sparking translations into languages including Polish and Japanese.

It was based on a simple idea, brought to life by crude language but grounded in academic research, corporate case studies and an entirely relatable idea: Companies that adopt a no-jerks policy simply perform better.

But if that book was largely written for managers and human resources wonks as a warning against hiring creeps, Sutton’s newest one is for the rest of us who actually have to deal with them. Over the past decade, Sutton says, he’s gotten emails – 8,000, he estimates – asking for advice about coping with jerks on the job.

There was the retail worker whose boss whispered insults and sexual innuendo in her ear. A pastor asking about how to manage nasty but non-paid volunteers. The young attorney suffering through a corrosive clerkship.

“The A–hole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People who Treat You Like Dirt” is his answer, offering ways of spotting and coping with the various kinds of jerks we encounter at work. After all, the abusive bosses, uncivil co-workers and tyrannical teammates who populate office cube farms are not all the same – and require different responses. In their natural habitat, they inspire fear and loathing, dysfunction and even depression. And as with many unwelcome pests or predators, outright avoidance is typically a good strategy.

But quitting often isn’t an option. To help identify the various breeds of difficult co-workers – and how to survive them – we spoke with Sutton, as well as a few other experts on hostile co-workers and toxic bosses he cites in his book. They are our field guides to coping with five types of jerks at work.

– The lone “bosshole”

Who they are: Research finds that rudeness in the workplace operates almost like the common cold, infecting a “carrier” who spreads it to others. Sutton cites University of Maryland researcher Trevor Foulk, who found that when people experience even a single instance of rudeness at work, they become more aware of it – and are more likely to respond in kind.

“You start seeing it, you start responding to it,” Foulk said. “You become more vigilant, more discerning, you tend to interpret things as rude.” That’s why, he says, it’s important for organizations to oust a single pompous jerk quickly.

What to do: One strategy is to try to switch teams within the company, Sutton says, pointing to Salesforce.com, which he says allows engineers to change teams without getting permission from their current boss. If that’s not an option, he suggests documenting the problems – and doing so with other people who may also feel victimized – and then reporting the problem to human resources. In a professional and amiable culture, “your chances for using the power structure are much higher than if you’re working in ‘jerk city’ ” – his name for cultures where problematic people are everywhere.

Christine Porath, a professor at Georgetown University who wrote a recent book on incivility in the workplace, says it’s also important to remember how damaging those dysfunctional bosses can be to your performance. She suggests investing more time in the people who are respectful.”You have to build up those positive relationships to help buffer or neutralize the negative one,” she said.

-The powerful bully

Who they are: The engineer with hard-to-replace skills whose creepy overtures get overlooked. The rainmaking deal maker whose boorish behavior goes unpunished. Whether they’re explicitly in charge or simply influential, too many organizations look the other way when top performers or top bosses behave badly. Sutton points to Roger Ailes – the powerful Fox News chief who left the media empire amid a swirl of sexual harassment allegations. “Going to HR didn’t seem to help anyone for years,” he says.

What to do: Tread carefully. “You’re fighting the cool kids,” Sutton says. In such cases, getting out is really often the best advice – especially if the behavior goes beyond milder incivilities. “This is one when you often leave, or when you hide, or when you lie in wait until their power diminishes,” Sutton said.Bennett Tepper, a professor at Ohio State University who studies abusive bosses, said that while he’s not suggesting a blame-the-victim mentality, it may be possible to make yourself less vulnerable.

Related Articles

September 22, 2017 Finding workers a challenge in Colorado’s bid for Amazon campus

September 22, 2017 Colorado landfills are illegally burying low-level radioactive waste from oil and gas industry, Denver Post learns

September 22, 2017 Uber to lose its license to operate in London

September 21, 2017 Facebook to turn over thousands of Russian ads to Congress, reversing decision

September 21, 2017 The ATM at 50: How it’s changed consumer behavior

“Bosses who are jerks are usually pretty strategic about who they target,” he said, and may go after underlings perceived as weak. “If you present yourself as competent, capable and connected to other people, it may make you a less desirable target.”

Making yourself indispensable may even trigger the jerk’s selfish streak: “Most bosses understand the success of their employees also shines a bright light on them,” Tepper says.

– The clueless jerk

Who they are: Many of us. Sutton says his mantra is to be “slow to label other people as a–holes and fast to label yourself one.” That’s because many people are simply not aware how much their rude remarks or short-tempered outbursts can hurt other people. He contrasts them to what he calls “strategic jerks” – people who’ve heard the stories about how Steve Jobs pushed and pushed employees and think they too should unleash their verbal wrath on co-workers to achieve success.

What to do: If their intentions seem good, talk to them – or have someone they trust do so instead. “Sometimes awareness is enough, especially when the last thing they want is to be seen as a jerk by others,” Sutton says.

Porath agrees, but cautions to start by listing a fault of your own. “Instead of putting them on the spot and making them feel defensive, treat it like feedback,” she said.

For those who are aware – and are doing it on purpose – Sutton says they have to be convinced that “treating the other person that way is detrimental to their career. If they’re really strategic that way – and I always say the emotionally controlled a–hole who knows how to turn it on and off is the most difficult to deal with . . . you have to prove to them there are negative consequences to their behavior.”

– The petty tyrant

Who they are: The office administrator who approves the expense reports. The HR coordinator who slows the hiring process with added rules. These “rule Nazis,” as Sutton calls them, are people who lack prestige but have influence over the day-to-day details of work. Research, he says, has shown that when people have moderate responsibility but low levels of respect on the job, “they tend to take it out on other people, both to make themselves feel in some control and perhaps to exact a little bit of revenge.”

What to do: Unless you have the power to ignore them – or get rid of them – the best tactic is to give them some of the prestige they crave, Sutton says.

Tepper agrees. “The person you’re describing sounds like someone who is desperately wanting respect from other people,” he says. “The word ‘ingratiation’ has some negative meaning attached to it, but there are occasions where it costs you nothing to be pleasant. It’s incredibly disarming to other people.”

– The overbearing client

Who they are: The rude customer who’s far too demanding. Or the selfish client who cruelly ignores your needs. This is another tricky one. The power structure works differently, after all, when you’re managing a jerk on the outside rather than the creep within the organization. It’s not easy to fire the people who pay the bills.

What to do: That’s why both Porath and Sutton suggest that managing the overbearing client is really more about managing yourself. Try not to answer angry emails quickly and stoop to their level. Set down the phone and let them rant without listening. Remind yourself that the project will last only a few months. In other words: “Find ways to reduce the amount of damage you take in.”

from Latest Information http://www.denverpost.com/2017/09/22/dealing-with-jerks-at-work/

[jimblanceusa]

A field guide to jerks at work

Ten years ago, the typically sober and staid management book genre welcomed an off-color title to its shelves. Despite a name unable to be printed in a family newspaper, Stanford professor Robert Sutton’s “The No A–hole Rule” became a runaway bestseller, selling 800,000 copies and sparking translations into languages including Polish and Japanese.

It was based on a simple idea, brought to life by crude language but grounded in academic research, corporate case studies and an entirely relatable idea: Companies that adopt a no-jerks policy simply perform better.

But if that book was largely written for managers and human resources wonks as a warning against hiring creeps, Sutton’s newest one is for the rest of us who actually have to deal with them. Over the past decade, Sutton says, he’s gotten emails – 8,000, he estimates – asking for advice about coping with jerks on the job.

There was the retail worker whose boss whispered insults and sexual innuendo in her ear. A pastor asking about how to manage nasty but non-paid volunteers. The young attorney suffering through a corrosive clerkship.

“The A–hole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People who Treat You Like Dirt” is his answer, offering ways of spotting and coping with the various kinds of jerks we encounter at work. After all, the abusive bosses, uncivil co-workers and tyrannical teammates who populate office cube farms are not all the same – and require different responses. In their natural habitat, they inspire fear and loathing, dysfunction and even depression. And as with many unwelcome pests or predators, outright avoidance is typically a good strategy.

But quitting often isn’t an option. To help identify the various breeds of difficult co-workers – and how to survive them – we spoke with Sutton, as well as a few other experts on hostile co-workers and toxic bosses he cites in his book. They are our field guides to coping with five types of jerks at work.

– The lone “bosshole”

Who they are: Research finds that rudeness in the workplace operates almost like the common cold, infecting a “carrier” who spreads it to others. Sutton cites University of Maryland researcher Trevor Foulk, who found that when people experience even a single instance of rudeness at work, they become more aware of it – and are more likely to respond in kind.

“You start seeing it, you start responding to it,” Foulk said. “You become more vigilant, more discerning, you tend to interpret things as rude.” That’s why, he says, it’s important for organizations to oust a single pompous jerk quickly.

What to do: One strategy is to try to switch teams within the company, Sutton says, pointing to Salesforce.com, which he says allows engineers to change teams without getting permission from their current boss. If that’s not an option, he suggests documenting the problems – and doing so with other people who may also feel victimized – and then reporting the problem to human resources. In a professional and amiable culture, “your chances for using the power structure are much higher than if you’re working in ‘jerk city’ ” – his name for cultures where problematic people are everywhere.

Christine Porath, a professor at Georgetown University who wrote a recent book on incivility in the workplace, says it’s also important to remember how damaging those dysfunctional bosses can be to your performance. She suggests investing more time in the people who are respectful.”You have to build up those positive relationships to help buffer or neutralize the negative one,” she said.

-The powerful bully

Who they are: The engineer with hard-to-replace skills whose creepy overtures get overlooked. The rainmaking deal maker whose boorish behavior goes unpunished. Whether they’re explicitly in charge or simply influential, too many organizations look the other way when top performers or top bosses behave badly. Sutton points to Roger Ailes – the powerful Fox News chief who left the media empire amid a swirl of sexual harassment allegations. “Going to HR didn’t seem to help anyone for years,” he says.

What to do: Tread carefully. “You’re fighting the cool kids,” Sutton says. In such cases, getting out is really often the best advice – especially if the behavior goes beyond milder incivilities. “This is one when you often leave, or when you hide, or when you lie in wait until their power diminishes,” Sutton said.Bennett Tepper, a professor at Ohio State University who studies abusive bosses, said that while he’s not suggesting a blame-the-victim mentality, it may be possible to make yourself less vulnerable.

Related Articles

September 22, 2017 Finding workers a challenge in Colorado’s bid for Amazon campus

September 22, 2017 Colorado landfills are illegally burying low-level radioactive waste from oil and gas industry, Denver Post learns

September 22, 2017 Uber to lose its license to operate in London

September 21, 2017 Facebook to turn over thousands of Russian ads to Congress, reversing decision

September 21, 2017 The ATM at 50: How it’s changed consumer behavior

“Bosses who are jerks are usually pretty strategic about who they target,” he said, and may go after underlings perceived as weak. “If you present yourself as competent, capable and connected to other people, it may make you a less desirable target.”

Making yourself indispensable may even trigger the jerk’s selfish streak: “Most bosses understand the success of their employees also shines a bright light on them,” Tepper says.

– The clueless jerk

Who they are: Many of us. Sutton says his mantra is to be “slow to label other people as a–holes and fast to label yourself one.” That’s because many people are simply not aware how much their rude remarks or short-tempered outbursts can hurt other people. He contrasts them to what he calls “strategic jerks” – people who’ve heard the stories about how Steve Jobs pushed and pushed employees and think they too should unleash their verbal wrath on co-workers to achieve success.

What to do: If their intentions seem good, talk to them – or have someone they trust do so instead. “Sometimes awareness is enough, especially when the last thing they want is to be seen as a jerk by others,” Sutton says.

Porath agrees, but cautions to start by listing a fault of your own. “Instead of putting them on the spot and making them feel defensive, treat it like feedback,” she said.

For those who are aware – and are doing it on purpose – Sutton says they have to be convinced that “treating the other person that way is detrimental to their career. If they’re really strategic that way – and I always say the emotionally controlled a–hole who knows how to turn it on and off is the most difficult to deal with . . . you have to prove to them there are negative consequences to their behavior.”

– The petty tyrant

Who they are: The office administrator who approves the expense reports. The HR coordinator who slows the hiring process with added rules. These “rule Nazis,” as Sutton calls them, are people who lack prestige but have influence over the day-to-day details of work. Research, he says, has shown that when people have moderate responsibility but low levels of respect on the job, “they tend to take it out on other people, both to make themselves feel in some control and perhaps to exact a little bit of revenge.”

What to do: Unless you have the power to ignore them – or get rid of them – the best tactic is to give them some of the prestige they crave, Sutton says.

Tepper agrees. “The person you’re describing sounds like someone who is desperately wanting respect from other people,” he says. “The word ‘ingratiation’ has some negative meaning attached to it, but there are occasions where it costs you nothing to be pleasant. It’s incredibly disarming to other people.”

– The overbearing client

Who they are: The rude customer who’s far too demanding. Or the selfish client who cruelly ignores your needs. This is another tricky one. The power structure works differently, after all, when you’re managing a jerk on the outside rather than the creep within the organization. It’s not easy to fire the people who pay the bills.

What to do: That’s why both Porath and Sutton suggest that managing the overbearing client is really more about managing yourself. Try not to answer angry emails quickly and stoop to their level. Set down the phone and let them rant without listening. Remind yourself that the project will last only a few months. In other words: “Find ways to reduce the amount of damage you take in.”

from Latest Information http://www.denverpost.com/2017/09/22/dealing-with-jerks-at-work/

[redlemonz]

Day #12

Dear goodness, I really am a protagonist. Not in an arrogant-douchebagy “I’m superior & more meaningful than you” kind of way that is. These personality quizzes have the ability to be pretty accurate after all though, is what I’m saying. You just end up squinting your eyes at each word and each sentence, and metaphorical pointing away with your finger thinking “shit, that is me”. This damn stupid quiz seems to know me better than I know myself. Even it realises that the protagonist’s failures are caused by themselves. That the primary reasons involved for pushing people away is being too eager to please, caring too much and being overly invested into a relationship. Somehow this tends to undermine the actual relationship when you try too much - which I can now sort of understand also. I guess you’ve absorbed so much space in this relationship with your over invested thoughts, emotions and insecurities that you haven’t left much room for it to breathe and let the river naturally flow. It almost seems like though you’re trying too much which results in the perception and feeling that it’s being forced and that the relationship of love between you two has to have a formula attached to it, even though it really isn’t the actual case. This even states that when a relationship fails, I am to feel guilt and betrayal for all the efforts I put in? Well shit, I guess I do ever so slightly blame myself for everything that goes wrong. Trying too hard and failing will naturally do that to you sometimes. And yes, there is a slight sense of betrayal I’ve experienced too - when she broke a certain big promise, acted differently towards me around friends and essentially made me feel hidden - right to the point where she left me. She gave up on me, on us and everything we had rather than trying to fix it. I sadly accept it solely because I love her and respect her still, and wish the best for her. But I also feel like a tarnished soul as a result of trying so much the way I did all along, just to fail and be set aside so easily, rather than getting a chance to amend my obvious wrongs. It’s really not fair at all, but then again it dawns on me yet again that life never is. At the end of the day, as it would all suggest - I’ll happily take the blame for everything, even if I don’t realise that it’s not my blame to take - because that’s just who I am. So whenever you’re feeling insecure, bored, unmotivated or just even any general or specific unhappiness as a whole - just remember that it doesn’t have to be your own fault at all, and that I’ll happily accept responsibility because, well let’s face it - I’m probably responsible in some way or another, or have contributed to you greatly feeling any negativity, so I’ll just bear this with the rest of the weight on my shoulders. Because my overbearing and over caring self has the dire need to ensure you’re alright and happy, regardless of whether in reality it’s my wrong doing or not. Also, I’d like to assure you that there’s no sarcastic themes or saltiness at play here at all whatsoever, just in case - not that I owe an explanation, but I care too much obviously. I will genuinely try to reach out in any way I can to take your pain away from you, and absorb it into myself - because I’m the experienced expert at it after all (so let me handle it). As long as you’re happy - even if it results in the utter hatred of me. Hey, turns out I am good at something after all - Self-deprecation. So if you do find yourself in any sort of absentism or non-positivity, and I’m in the vicinity at all, let alone the closest person to you (for which the unfortunate truth is that we as humans do feel naturally comfortable taking out all negativity on ones closest to us), then as a konvict once said - I’d like to take this time to apologise for things I’ve done, for things that haven’t occurred yet, and things you might not want to take responsibly for. So you could put the blame on me (on me).

Day 12 - it’s not you, it’s me.

Went to the gym today to maintain having some sort of physical activity for the week. Usually as I’ve mentioned previously this would be an anxiety filled torture for me and my thoughts. Thankfully though, I was able to drag my father along with me as my buddy for the first time. It went well, though he has a bad medical history (strokes, heart conditions and is a diabetic to say the least). So I didn’t push him too much, and he was happy with what he achieved. The frustrating, yet humorous part which left me smiling was that I felt like the parent in the scene, as he would constantly be wandering off & getting slightly lost with everything, and ultimately I had to be the one to promote discipline and learning, so to speak. Good times. Exhausted now - mentally more than physically, and resting up slightly and quick before having to meet my friend soon, the mastermind. I requested to alter the public setting we originally were to congregate at, to a private one, due to said mental exhaustion - which is elevated further with the presence of all this lingering life around me. Currently just laying in bed (one of my passionate hobbies), thinking about her time in the snow right now. Wondering if she’s skiing right now, and whether she’s wielding the bona fide skis on her feet accordingly. After all, she’s got a lot of knowledge about skis now after our last trip to the lake. Nonetheless, I hope she’s safe and warm enough, and having the incredible time and adventure she always deserves. Can’t believe it’s already been two weeks since our weekend (+sick day monday) already. Feels like yesterday still, though it’s not.. it’s uncomfortably much after. At this moment I would’ve been on the plane down to see her, very slightly fearing for my life but accepting my fate, about to message her that I’m sorry and I love her - because the bloody aircraft was going mad with some turbulence or something. No clue - I also don’t have much experience with flying all that much so it was probably just a case of infernal paranoia (doesn’t that just sound like a great title for a punk rock album - copyright please). Anyhow, got myself feeling a bit emotional again over reminiscing to this time period from a couple weekends ago. At least it’s good thing that I can go curl up in the shower after that gym session now, and let some much needed tears to escape, as I reabsorb the same blame yet again.

T'was a nice and pleasant time with the mastermind. She engulfed me with wisdom as expected, and well, was the loyal friend to me that I certainly didn’t deserve at all. It was quite simple for a change to reiterate all my negative hatred, regret and pain towards myself verbally in her presence, because she’d be the friend as aforementioned (note that she even taught me this word back at University where I met her) that mentally understood from her own personal experiences and hardships, the toll our minds can take on us. It only makes sense that she’s also a protagonist herself, after all. We had a nice chat, and it was good to hear more about her life and how she’s been keeping busy. I didn’t go into too many details or anything of my own events - as speaking the way I did about myself was more than enough to start realising that I was fuelling my mind for the flames that awaited afterwards. We walked her little gentleman of a dog who I hadn’t seen in a while, which was a definite highlight - he’s the friendliest little fella and can also bring you that much needed temporary joy. I’ll admit though that it made me miss bbt and our walks together so much more in this circumstance, as the reality hit me that I probably won’t be around to see her, or be back in that house - which at times almost felt like a second home to me, if not more like home, and that bed where I was always forced to go under however many various layers of sheets because that’s supposedly the proper way of sleeping and stuff. As the evening went on, and because my mind already translated it through vocalisation, the reality of the situation became that I started to realise all my mistakes in my life, and with friends in particular. How I’ve likely been a burden to them, how I’m simply and actually just not a good person at all, or a friend for that matter, and rethinking what I even have to contribute as a result. As these realisations swept over me, I’ve been steadying to the possible conclusion that I’m a liability to all those around me. I radiate all the negative virtues you could think of - hatred, annoyance, ugliness, overbearingness, and the many more that exist. It’s no wonder I push away all the people I care about, including mastermind’s current partner, the magician, who was once my best friend not long ago. I haven’t heard from him at all, nor do I expect or deserve to. We grew apart in the recent year, for reasons I’m still unaware of - until now. He’s actually put up with so many of my self-created problems over time, and stuck by me for all these years, but has now finally broken free from those shackles (as a magician would). He’s always been a great friend to me, but everyone has their limitations and knows when to quit, even him - especially when it comes to me. He’s an ideal example of a selfless human being, and one that I wish I could only strive to be more like. But I can’t, because I’m a disappointment and a failure of a person, and that’s where my consistency lies. Upon self reflecting as I have, it’s clear now, to see that he was smart to get away from this ticking time bomb that I am. And I don’t blame him, or her, or anyone else who feels trapped in some shadow because of me. Of course mastermind was a friend to me and reassured me that my self hatred was unjustified & such, but for now, this is my truth. Nevertheless, it was a nice evening and though my car tyres were stuck in the mud, unable to let me move on (literal symbolism of my mind right before my eyes, hurrah), mastermind & her mother used their mighty strength to free my car and I was on my way. Oh, and she gave me some Irish chocolate too from her earlier journeys back to her roots this year, which was the act of a friend with a cherry on top. Though it was nice to have that social presence - just to see how mastermind was, I’m not so sure I could maintain doing this often, or with others either. I had to sincerely decline the group dinner tonight, which other friends were attending also, and furthermore decline two thirds of the pack on their offer - as I just couldn’t bear to handle any more sociable activities, or even speaking out loud any more for that matter. As stated, I did unfortunately re-live the biggest themes from today - guilt and blame. And though I use the word ‘unfortunately’ as I have as a cover up, the truth in the matter is that I probably am a faulty creation or something. That one mistake who’s an outlier, far away from the rest. Wait, no - that would then indicate it’s some creator’s fault, and not my own, which can’t be true - this blame belongs to me. It all does. I apologised to mastermind before parting ways, and thanked her for putting up with me as the liability I am. At this point, my existence just feels as though it’s ultimately detrimental to anyone who’s life I’m a part of.. and it’s really not fair to them.