#I think my mom associates not shaving | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

four-loose-screws · 23 days

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I've heard that mustaches and beards or Hige, were popular with the Samurai in Japan and it was considered manly for a Samurai to have facial hair. This was also why Samurai helmets often had mustaches/beards. Facial hair also became associated with a military service in general in Japan.

After World War II, with the rise of the salaryman, facial hair became unfashionable and it was expected for men to be clean-shaven at all times, which has continued to today.

I've also read a few people are challenging this now, like a postman was threatened with losing his job for growing a mustache, but he responded by getting his lawyers involved and proving that his forcing him to shave was a violation of his human rights.

(Feel free to tell me if this is completely wrong).

Since none of this ever came up in my college studies (I avoided military matters and history on purpose; I focused more on Japanese religion, art, and fine culture), and I would just be doing the same as most anyone else here - a Google search - to confirm, I won't add too much to the discussion, ha ha.

I do have an anecdote though, that can confirm facial hair is picking back up as a normal thing to see in Japanese life - when I was an English teacher, one of my student's dad had a goatee. And he was no "bad boy" or anything - he was a super active member of his local community with 5 kids.

(Slightly off topic, but also, the mom in the family that lived in the apartment next to mine had tattoos.)

It's always amusing to to see Japanese culture still holding on to practices they adopted from the West, while the West has moved on to other things. At least... that's my experience in the US recently. For example, I've had 2 office jobs now where people seem to wear whatever the flying heck they want. One of my old managers wears ripped jeans almost daily. While Japanese office workers seem to largely still be wearing not only suits, but VERY specific suits like they're a uniform.

But things are changing, as they always are everywhere in the world. Whether a Japanese community as a whole accepts facial hair, tattoos, casual attire, etc. is just super case-by-case. One town will think nothing of people doing as they please with their appearance, while the next will end up on national news after someone is harassed so bad it leads to a lawsuit.

#japan #japanese culture #japan discussion #japan anecdotes

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gendiebrainrotreceipts · 9 months

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Hi, I can’t call myself a radical feminist, only familiarising myself with concepts at the moment so I don’t know if my opinion is welcome or not but I just wanted to share my thoughts about beauty standards which make my blood boil otherwise I’ll combust and I feel like this is the topic I could only discuss with radical feminists because it’s just integrated so much into so many women’s heads that they genuinely see nothing wrong with it. And I don’t have any radical feminists in my real life to talk to, so sorry if such questions are not allowed, please feel free to ignore me.

If they are allowed here are the thoughts. Where I live people are obsessed with the concept of being “well-groomed”, well, mostly women again, because the “well-groomed” standard for men and women are drastically different. It’s absolutely not enough for a woman to basically take a shower, brush her teeth, put on clean clothes and maybe even some perfume! Hell, even having her legs and armpits shaved is not enough. NO. To be well-groomed you HAVE to have an extensive skincare routine, put on no makeup makeup, preferably have arms shaved as well, get manicure and pedicure regularly done in the salon, hair done in the salon, and this is self-care and this is the sign of self-love as everyone says. Spending 6 hours in salon getting nails done and wasting I don’t know like a 100 dollars on nails is self-care and self-love? But it’s a standard because everyone does it. It’s so ridiculous but I even feel like something is wrong with me if I have my natural nails, regular human clean nails, without dirt or anything. I feel like my natural nails are unnatural and not okay, does that make sense?

Also wanted to share a post as well which inspired me to write this message in your ask box. I saw a post from a woman, I think she’s in her thirties and she shared that she’s entering a new relationship with a man and she’s had some experience in the past relationships and had some lessons she’s taking from them into a new relationship. Few points were things like her kids always take priority and their important events (like having a concert at school) will be a priority over a date, how she is financially stable and can provide for herself and her family by herself which are all good points in my opinion but then she finished it off with cheerful: “and I will always take care of myself, dress up at home, do hair and makeup, epilation (hair removal, I don’t know if epilation is a word in English) to look like a princess at home for myself🥰🥰🥰” and I’m like girl what? How do you even connect these points? And other women were applauding here in the comments calling it inspiring. Some people even go as far as to say that kids want to see their moms beautiful that’s why they have to be “well-groomed” even at home, interesting, I always thought that kids want to see their moms happy, spending quality time with them? Because it’s a nice deflection from doing it for men to doing it for kids. All in all, we all know it’s for men even if some of us refuse to admit it. (Sorry for my English as well)

Please don’t apologise, of course you’re welcome!! You don’t need to be a radical feminist to recognise or discuss misogyny. You’re completely right about the incredibly different standards for men and women. It does of course make regular women who do genuinely look after themselves and their bodies feel inadequate that they’re not also doing the thousand other things that have become the norm. Which like you say is not the same standard men are held to. Hell, there are men who don’t even practice basic hygiene.

People associate basic hygiene with femininity and a consequence of that is that women’s hygiene and beauty standards are conflated as if they automatically go together. And men, because hygiene is associated w feminine beauty standards, think they can or even should do the bare minimum of basic hygiene or even less.

+ yeah women get convinced this is all for themselves, as if the patriarchy and therefore men are completely uninvolved with making beauty practices synonymous with ‘self care’. If it was self care, men would do it. We need to encourage women to think critically why they do certain things men do not do. Especially if it’s something as supposedly gender neutral as self care.

I also don’t understand the logic behind the idea that kids need to see their mothers (but not their fathers?) well groomed. Tbh i think it’s incredibly important that kids, particularly girls, see their mothers existing as people. Your kids *should* see their mothers without makeup and with body hair. Because kids should be aware that their mother and other women, including the ones they only ever see dolled up, are human beings and not dolls. You’re completely correct it is so much more important for kids to see their mothers be happy and not focusing on her appearance 24/7. Thank you for your ask (your English is excellent ❤️)

#radfem safe #gender critical #beauty standards

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gonegrove · 9 months

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ooh a Heather headcanon I’d love to hear your take on is transfemme Heather 💕

now that's a vibe i can get into. ironically i've been seeing heather (and a lot of the other girls tbh) as cisfem bc in my brain i do a lotta non-cis stuff generally so it's actually Novel for people to like... just be cis to me lol. like i do 43574398534953489 variations in my head and read various queer versions bc it's Good Food and when i finally get to posting myself i'm like "wait-- novel concept-- i make them cis. bc that's the thing LESS people are actually." (<- insane queer logic from the gay echo chamber)

but like i can See This i can Vibe This. heather to me is one of the few characters who you couldn't sell me on being really any kinda masc. like i'm more inclined to see and vibe on say, a transmasc chrissy variation than a heather. but transfemme works well for heather. she's got Femme Energies and so long as they're present in a depiction of her the world is your oyster. like i think say, transwoman!heather and it serves to me contrapoints energies which i love. she would explain like, the evils of capitalism in full beat, a pearl necklace and drinking campaign while in a tub full of milk, a lush bathbomb and rose petals.

it would also add in a LOT of turmoil for her at home tho since her dad's a misogynist and her mom's checked out from dealing with him for at minimum 17ish years. like feeling feminine but living in a house were you KNOW even LOOKING at Girl Stuff™ is gonna get you shit and hearing constantly this degrading shit about women/femininity/anything associated with either while like, that's everything you connect with would be so damaging to her psyche rip.

god this is unleashing my love tho of men/amab ppl who're aggressively feminine dfkgjhkfd. heather being the nuriko from fushigi yuugi of hawkins. not a man, not a woman, not a transwoman but a Secret Fourth Thing (too beautiful to be contained and objectively more good looking in a dress than any of you). amab!heather who gets into glam rock just so they can have an excuse to grow their hair out and wear make up and cute little outfits. who TOTALLY joins the cheerleading team to "get girls" and not bc they're you know, REALLY PUMPED ABOUT CHEER!!!! (and also yes-- to get girls. it can be 2 things). who joins the swim team so they can shave in peace(it's aerodynamics bro!) (also they're just VERY competitive dfgfd).

they're the queen of hair and makeup and give all the best manicures. just really enjoys the variety in women's fashion and style and laments how guys really only get like, 3 things to pick from. is living the most fucking mission impossible back flipping thru the alarm lasers lifestyle to be masc enough they don't get kicked out, degraded or get the shit kicked out of but also find ways to be who they wanna be and express it as often as possible (bc like we gotta be realistic -- it's rural indiana in the 80s). guys trying to rag on them and calling them a fag n shit and they clap back with "and i'm STILL hotter than you AND your girlfriend put together and she'd ABSOLUTELY wanna fuck me!" (they're 100% accurate about this too lol).

#answered #heather holloway #transfemme amab heather is such a powerful concept #reminds me of all my childhood loves who were just men/amab ppl in dresses with FANTASTIC hair dfgfd #changes her name to heather after seeing heathers and being like lol YEAH this is a documentary about ME i'm ALL 3 HEATHERS AT ONCE

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frasermints · 1 year

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idk what's going on and don't wanna talk about kalvin tbh. just writing in to say your tag about laughing being gender euphoric is literally on my pros list in considering going on t. i love how there are so many normal things cis people go through that are affirming and getting to finally experience that, what feels normal, is sooo amazing. love that for us, no matter what stage or ways we get to feel those gendery feelings. cool stuff <3

babes it's so fucking worth it. i was scared to start t, i had JUST come out to my mom the fortnight before and i literally had my first box of gel in my hands and i remember shaking in the kitchen thinking god. what the fuck am i doing. is this seriously worth it ???

i was housesitting for a friend's mom so i got some time away from her but i literally got to watch in real time as i started developing bottom growth in the first three days.

i remember sitting on the toilet one day a few months later and looking at my thighs going wait, when did i get leg hair that long and thick that high up ???

i remember my throat hurting like FUCK in the first stage of voice drop and thinking wow... teenage boys experience this... i am a Certified Teenage Boy™ at the ripe old age of [REDACTED]. better late than never.

i remember the first time i was gendered properly in public. yes, it was by someone that knew i was trans. but it still felt good.

i remember the first time i heard a child refer to me as "he" and "him". he didn't fuck up once. he still hasn't. neither has his sister. he is eight and she is five. she was four when she met me. it's literally not hard.

i remember the first time my mom referred to me as her child instead of her daughter. i remember saying thank you. i remember her telling me that she's sorry for calling me a mistake and that she's trying, and that it's going to take time, but that she's Going To Try Because She Loves Me.

i remember yelling at my cats to stop antagonizing each other and my voice reverberating against the walls so sharply bc it was deep. not loud, not squeaky, deep.

i remember looking at my face in the visor mirror on the way to work one day bc i had a pimple and going what the fuck, when did i develop jaw hair??? and turning my face and discovering an entire fucking beard i genuinely did not know i had. it was patchy as hell and still peach-fuzz consistency, and i shave because i'm not out at my primary job, but i literally... have a beard. that appeared out of nowhere.

having a penis, having hair, being addressed properly by adults and children, having a deep voice - these are things cis men experience on a regular basis. people don't typically fuck up and if they do they apologize and move on. but with trans men, these are little nuggets of joy that can make or break our days, our weeks, our months. and yeah, it's exciting to be able to share in the joy that is finally fitting into our bodies, but god damn i wish i didn't have to put in so much fucking work just to have these little slices of happiness.

also. nothing's going on with kg i just have a lot of trauma associated with him & bw and i can very distinctly hear their rhetoric in my head sometimes even 5-10 years later and it's helpful for me to verbalize against it. i'm sorry if i stirred discourse or anxiety that was not my intention but i recognize that may have been the repercussions of my actions

#i love testosterone #she's given me so much #i would not be where i am today without her #my leg hair and my single (1) two inch long chest hair are my favorite parts of myself post starting t #that and my dick... but that's a given i feel if you know me #but you do not‚ tumblr user dumbdomb #it's almost one in the morning #i have to pee. fuck.#my post #answered #dumbdomb #transmisandry #euphoria

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hcrringtonsbat · 2 years

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STEVE MEETING YOUR PARENTS FOR THE FIRST TIME

↳ a/n: hello! please enjoy this headcannon while i work on an actual steve fic 🙏 as always, pls request! i’d love to hear and ideas/concepts that you guys have

Steve Harrington x Gender Neutral!Reader

word count: 0.6k words

steve was excited to meet your parents. you talked about them a lot and they raised such an amazing child so, there was no doubt in his mind that he wouldn’t love them

but as the date got closer…. the more nervous he got

it was wednesday and you were supposed to be having dinner together at your house on friday night

when steve finished his shift at family video, he basically flew to Macy’s

he picked out the perfect outfit to impress your mother and father (he was just hoping he got the right sizes)

now all that was left was to wait

eventually, friday night rolled around and steve found himself getting ready

he went through his usual morning routine… twice

he showered, shaved, ironed his outfit, put on his most expensive cologne… and did his perfect hair. then he was on his merry way

the two of you talked about tonight for the entire week leading up to it. in typical steve harrington fashion, he’d never openly admit that he was nervous so, you were under the impression that everything was okay

so, steve showed up at your house, roses in hand for you and your mother and he just kept telling himself that there was no need for him to be afraid

and…. he was right! you were already halfway into dinner and things were going great. he was smooth talking your mother, complimenting her cooking, her outfit, her decorating… everything

while he conversed with your father about sports, fishing, and he listened when you dad went on his usual spiel about… well, everything

and of course, steve made sure to converse with you. but, his main attention was on your parents and getting to know them

but you kept an encouraging hand on steve’s knee under the table to ensure that he was doing a great job

you just couldn’t stop smiling as you watched your three favorite people interact with such ease. it was perfect.

unfortunately, the night did eventually have to come to an end, with both you and steve scheduled to open at family video the next morning

he bid a goodbye to your parents: giving your mother a big hug and shaking your fathers hand, assuring them both that he had a lovely time

you made sure to walk steve to his car

“well that was—“ steve began but was cut off by you crashing your lips onto his

it was an ugly kiss to be honest. your teeth clashed and it lasted like 3 seconds because your boyfriend was so taken aback by it

“i’m sorry!” you apologized, “i just wanted to kiss you all night but i didn’t think it was appropriate with my parents around and everything.”

“no, no. it’s fine,” he assured before continuing his original sentence, “i had a really good time. i think you parents really liked me.”

“oh, they definitely did. if my dad can go on and on about nothing for that long, that means he likes you.” you smirked

steve let out a sigh of relief and clutched his chest, “i thought he was just talking so that i wouldn’t.”

you and steve continued to recap the night for another few minutes before your porch-light began to flicker

in recent years, flickering lights wasn’t something that you enjoyed seeing. before it was associated with the upside down, it was a way your mother would get your attention while you were outside

“i think my mom wants me to come inside now.” you said, wrapped in steve’s arms, his chin resting on your chest

“oh thank god,” he chuckled, “i’m dying to take these pants off. they’re so tight, i think i got the wrong size?”

all you could do was shake your head. i think it’s safe to say that steve harrington definitely doesn’t know his own measurements since he’s so used to his mom buying his clothes for him

that night, steve drove back home with a little pep in his step, knowing that his significant others parents approved of him

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palestinenatural · 2 years

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lok @daalcurrynatural thank u for enabling me!!! here's one of my favorite Palestinian stories about ghouls, called Nani Daughter of Nani

The story starts with a king and a queen who couldn't have children, until one day a dervish (dervishes are often associated with magic) came selling apples that supposedly helped people conceive. He told the king to eat half of an apple and the queen the other, and they would have a beautiful son. However, after the baby was born they should make a river of molasses and a river of tahini flow through the city or he would die.

The king and queen complied and a few years later a woman called Umm Nimr (who was kind of a hermit) went outside, marveled at the rivers and grabbed a bottle to fill. It took a long time because she only had a thimble, and when she was almost finished someone threw rocks at her and broke the bottle. Looking up she saw that it was the prince, so she prayed that he would be infatuated with Nani, Daughter of Nani, Lady of the Ghouls.

Immediately Nani became the only thing Prince Hasan could think about. He decided to go on a journey to the land of the ghouls to find her and, as soon as he arrived, he saw a huge ghoul in front of him. He said hello (as one does) and the ghoul replied, "hello! good thing you said hi first, otherwise I would've broken your bones and eaten you" (as one does). So then the prince offers to shave ghoul because he's grown since throwing stones at old ladies and he's polite now and when the ghoul promised to give him whatever he asks for in return he asks to see Nani, Daughter of Nani, to which the ghoul (whose name is Bahlazaboul) answers that he can't personally take him there but gives Hasan instructions to walk for three days and send his regards to the next ghoul he meets, who is like, his brother.

Hasan walks and walks and again says hi to the new ghoul (called Baalazaboul. hysterical to me) and again the ghoul goes whew! I almost feasted on your flesh but you are so polite! Then Hasan shaved this ghoul and the ghoul told him to walk for three days and send regards to his other brother, and Hasan did that, and the new ghoul told him how to reach Nani's tower. Once there he should call for her three times and she would let down her hair and pull him up (this is the superior Tangled by the way).

Hasan followed the ghoul's precise instructions and Nani also fell in love with him instantly, but she told him that she'd have to turn him into an apple so her mother wouldn't find him. Her mom came in, complained that the house smelled like human and demanded Nani give her apple-hasan because she was hungry. Nani was like, oh my god don't you know about interior decor? it's for the Aesthetic, so Nani's mom left. And this process repeated for three days, with Nani turning Hasan into a kitten (her mom is fond of cats) and a bowl (her mom wants to make kibbeh) until finally Nani and Hasan jumped into the river outside the tower and swam away. And, this part is my favorite, Nani's mom cried for help but all the servants hated her and pretended not to know how to swim.

Hasan left Nani by the river of molasses and promptly forgot about her because men suck. In the meantime Nani amused herself by playing tricks on a girl who was collecting molasses in a jar, until finally the girl had had enough and turned Nani into a dove. Eventually dove-Nani managed to engage the palace baker in conversation until he burned the bread and Hasan came down to scold him but suddenly remembered Nani's existence. With her help he turned her back into a ghoul and they lived happily ever after. ???

#fr I love this story. things happen but why?? WHAT is the reason. also prince hasan sucks im sorry nani #they shouldve adapted this in spn and hasan shouldve been sam period #it could have been a special episode like monster movie or changing channels

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becauseanders · 1 year

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5 (song) and 29 (tattoos) for the oc ask!! Whichever ocs you want to pick or have an answer for (and also Anders, obvi)

Not me looking for song recs or tattoo ideas or anything ;)

thank you, friend!! but also you made a mistake by trying to get me to make a decision because now i'm just going to answer for everyone, lmao

also to explain the counting-of-the-anders thing, anders cousland is the version of anders from my ridiculously long dragon age ii modern au it means tumult, where yes because it is an au everyone is a little oc-ified but because it's a handers fic that makes this au anders the most fleshed out after trista hawke, and i love him so fucking much, so i decided he counts for this game, lol

anyway, after that unnecessary ramble, here go!

5. What is the song you most associate to them? marian hawke: "map change" by every time i die or (even though this is cheap as fuck and more of a handers song to me) "marian" by the sisters of mercy

trista hawke: "temple of love" by the sisters of mercy

autumn amell: "thing with feathers" by every time i die

astrid trevelyan: "anhedonia" by chelsea wolfe and emma ruth rundle

carrie shepard: "the becoming" by nine inch nails

sara ryder: "our lady of sorrows" by my chemical romance

anders cousland: "rock 'n' roll suicide" by david bowie (in fact i literally starting writing that fic 100% just so there could be a universe where a hawke sings this to him)

29. They have a chance to get a tattoo: what would it be? marian hawke: okay first of all because i just did it APPARENTLY IF YOU GOOGLE "DRAGON AGE HAWKE TATTOO" THE FIRST IMAGE ON THE "ALL RESULTS" PAGE IS ME????? anyway, though, it's this red thing on her arm, i just see it as an actual tattoo she has even though we don't know what the fuck it means (also since i mentioned it uhh, i guess here's mine too, direct from the google results!, even though that arm doesn't look like that anymore as it's now a fully filled in half sleeve…although fuck, i barely even look like that anymore and goddamn let's not dwell on that…despite the fact that all my pink had faded out in this picture let the internet remember me this way indeed)

trista hawke: same as my marian, but in her universe i made it so that it's sort of like a hawke family crest she also just so happens to have no idea of the origin for, lol

autumn amell: she would totally get a broken circle sort of symbol, and/or a grey warden symbol, and/or a rose (most likely all of the above if given the opportunity)

astrid trevelyan: she has a tattoo under her left eye that's just little lines and dots, per the tattoo options in the character creation screen, and it's there to draw more attention to the scars she has on that side of her face and head (she also shaves her head on that side) that she acquired while fighting with the mage rebellion, which she's very proud of taking part in (even though she also regularly lies about whether or not she was part of it with the inquisition because she's terrified) (also here she is in a video capture even though you still really can't see the tattoo super well)

carrie shepard: she actually just starts collecting tattoos after the war and jack does them, and most of them are small and hidden and very personal (the coordinates for mindoir and anderson's service number, for example) but she has two fairly large ones, one on the inside of each forearm: an ash tree for ashley, and an outline of the river thames for anderson

sara ryder: she has a really big tattoo that covers pretty much her entire neck and is just pretty linework patterns that almost look like an elaborate large necklace; she got it because she thought it looked nice but also it was right after her mom died and she obviously wasn't getting any support so it was kind of a breakdown tattoo

anders cousland: tbh i'm not sure he would, like…he would probably just rather put the money towards his activism but if for some reason he had to, i'd have to really think about it but i could probably figure out an explanation for the "vengeance" (fuck you bioware) symbol to end up being associated with his justice persona in this universe

🥰

thank you again!

[Wholesome OC Asks]

#the trash makes noise #lilyaceofdiamonds #<3 #ask game #ask meme #marian hawke #trista hawke #autumn amell #astrid trevelyan #carrie shepard #sara ryder #anders cousland #long post

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realthoughtsreal · 2 years

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Big realizations

Warning: some slightly maybe inapproprite language? Definitely some feels about gender

As I become more familiar with my asexuality, and the label that fits the most, I feel like I might be on the cusp of another huge realization.

Since I was young, I never fit exactly into anyone’s box of a what a girl was supposed to be; I played with cars and dolls, anything I could find, I hated dresses and the colors yellow and pink but wore them often because either they were the only options or I was forced to, I liked to get dirty and play rough, I wasn’t scared of most bugs like girls are usually expected to be, I was too “nerdy” to be perceived as a girl (bullshit in my opinion), I never fit in with the girl groups at school and got along with the boys better, I had more real male friends than female friends, I didn’t cry when I got hurt and instead laughed (partially because I really didn’t feel the pain, the other part of me didn’t cry even when I felt real pain because I didn’t want to be perceived as “weak” or in other words, “girly”), etcetera. I didn’t feel particularly bothered by being called a girl back then, before puberty; back then everyone looked the same, everyone was flat, and there were no outer characteristics that separated us. I think I didn’t really understand back then what it meant that I was classified as a girl. My boobs showed up earlier than everybody else’s, and I was immediately embarrassed. I didn’t like them. They were a nuisance, felt weird, and were a sudden weight on my back I never asked for. Since they appeared, I’ve dreamed of getting them off of me. Then my legs got hairy and I was immediately given a razor by my mom and was pressured into shaving, because otherwise I’d look like a boy. I wasn’t even 12. I liked my hairy legs and mom made me feel bad about it, like I was weird. I didn’t understand what was the problem.

When I was in high school the feeling of “wrong” just increased. There were off days when I didn’t mind looking so femenine, but other days I hated my woman looking body, and even wondered for a short while if I was trans or just wanted to look more like a boy; flat. I even asked my best friend at the time if she’d mind it if I wore boy clothes only.

The feeling of “wrong” of course was associated to me feeling like I looked fat compared to the other girls (I was not fat, the other girls were just too thin and stick like while my body is more the classic “latina” shape). Either way, I felt horrible about my body, I liked nothing about myself. I hated my big breasts which other girls were jealous of and my big hips. I hated looking at my reflection and taking photos. I hated wearing bras with all my heart and wore as many as 3 sport bras to try to control the assets. It was a very hard time for me.

Yet I distinctly remember never being bothered when I was called a “boy” or too “masculine” as an insult by others. In fact, a part of me felt proud of that and.. validated. Happy. Even though I was also aware that other girls would probably be offended by that, as it was meant to be an insult. On the other hand, sometimes I was deeply disturbed by being called a “girl” or “miss” or “young woman”, though it might have been because of the person who said it at the time. Body hair never bothered me, even though other girls pointed it out often and tried to make me feel bad about it, for being too hairy like a boy, I never understood what was the deal with them. I didn’t mind being hairy at all! It wasn’t like they were bald either, they just shaved! I didn’t understand what the problem was.

I spent 90% of high school feeling like this. For most of my senior year, I fell into a sort of middle point; sometimes I actually enjoyed wearing girly clothing and skorts and being perceived as more girl-like, other times I just wanted to be as flat as possible wear jeans and loose shirts and flaunt my broad shoulders.

I never thought much about it and I thought it was pretty normal for big boobs girls to feel like this (I was as clueless as I was with my asexuality, thinking I was the normal one). But recently I’ve started to think back on it and actively analyze my behavior everyday; I long to get a size reduction surgery, so that I can at least wear a binder and make it work efficiently, there are days when I actually feel okay with my chest and might even enjoy them and wear dresses and tight low cut shirts and wear pink makeup, most days I want to be perceived as androgynous and I long for people not to be able to tell immediately how I identify when they look at me, other days I’d do anything to swap my female body for a male one and wear loose dress shirts, pants and ties and get a mullet haircut.

When I attempted to date like an allocishet, I had a lot of issues not only with the physical aspect of it (as I’m asexual), but also I was bothered by being called his girlfriend. I thought at the time that it was because maybe I didn’t like him enough (which, fair enough, I didn’t, but still), but even now when I picture being someone’s special other, I don’t think of myself as their “girlfriend”. I think of myself as my potential partner’s well, partner, or lover. I don’t like being called girlfriend. Now that I’m trying to understand myself better, I think it’s more than just not liking someone enough. I don’t think I’m generally comfortable with feminine tags.

The particularly “feminine” days are very few and far between. Most of the time, I’m somewhere in between and just want to look as androgynous and flat as possible with my unfortunate size. Sometimes I wish for shorter hair, a cool mullet haircut but feel like I couldn’t pull it off because I look too feminine and my chest is too big and it’d just not work with my proportions.

I’ve always been more attracted to androgynous and nonbinary people and have always fantasized with sharing closets (it’s only now that I’m starting to realize that may not be as cishet way of thinking as I thought it was), particularly more feminine looking guys. My mother always teased me because I liked Ryan from High School Musical and not Troy, she said he was obviously gay, too feminine and well groomed. I was like??? The fuck you talking about?? And why is that a problem???? Looking back, it’s now obvious what my type has always been.

I started to think back again today because of some things that happened; I went to buy a hellfire shirt because I was gonna be dressing up as Eddie Munson for an event (haha yeah, not very cis of me either) and when one of the girls working there asked me whether I wanted the boy size or the girl size I immediately felt very happy that she asked and even happier when she had absolutely no reaction to me going for the boy one other than kindness and being helpful. But the good mood didn’t last long.

A random dude called me “queen” on the street. I was immediately disturbed and disappointed, disturbed by the rando and disappointed by the term, by the knowledge that even though I was dressed as Eddie (a dude) I was still perceived as a woman . Some hours later I went back with my aunt to the same shop where I got the hellfire shirt, because I thought I’d check out some of the other clothes because they had cool dresses (even though a part of me already left like I didn’t want to wear dresses today, though I knew I might at some point in the future). As soon as I put them on I felt horrible, too feminine, too busty looking, too big chested, too curvy, too “woman”. I walked out of the dressing room disgusted and no longer felt as confident in my Eddie outfit when reminded of my woman body. My aunt noticed I was disturbed and somehow the conversation shifted into my want for surgery, which I had already commented to her. She started to say that ‘oh no but you shouldn’t be so rash, and men like them anyway, and you should try other cuts and sizes of shirts, it’s all about the collar type, etc etc and you’re beautiul, you look okay’ she went on and on no matter how much I tried to get her to stop and understand that ‘NO. It’s not about the cut of the shirts! I just DON’T like them! I don’t feel comfortable with them!’ And she still went on about how ‘oh but so many girls would want your assets and hate being flat and you’re wasting yours’ and shit, I didn’t reply to that but I was pissed. I was like ‘so just because others want them I’m obligated to keep them?! Out of some completely misplaced sense of duty?! What the hell?!

I immediately became quiet and closed off and barely spoke for the rest of the trip home. At some point she must have noticed she stepped on a line, because she patted my knee and said ‘it’s your decision anyways. Come on, you can get ready asking a doctor at the blah blah office for an appointment so you can get the necessary info and stuff, and start saving up for it’. Still, by that point I was already so deep in my mind, just pretending to be sleepy because I was trying so hard to hold my tears in.

It’s the first time I’ve been so deeply bothered by female tags and the assets that it’s almost brought me to tears. I immediately started to wonder seriously if I’m genderfluid or nonbinary. I hadn’t realized just how much it bothered me to be referred to in such a way. Sometimes I just long desperately for a completely male body, others I wished I looked more androgynous or had been born hermaprodite. Very very few times I’m okay with my female body.

I’ve never told anyone any of this. I’ve always been perceived as the tomboy that doesn’t know how to dress like a woman. I thought that was it. It never occurred to think much of why or how it bothered me when people referred to me as a young woman, or girl, or miss, or why I was always disturbed when another aunt took me shopping and she immediately tried to get me more feminine looking clothes that she perceived as socially acceptable, tried to pressure me into trying and buying the more feminine clothes and always gifted me clothing.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to come out fully to my family. Maybe a couple of my cousins are the only ones I’d ever tell; one who is a very witchy lgbt ally and the coolest person I know, the other a queer lesbian herself, and a gay funny dude.

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s-brant · 2 years

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I’m speechless, that was written beautifully. I was smiling the biggest smile the entire part except for when he left her on the race track and she was alone for a week. That hurt me, and I was feeling bad for both my babies. I know we as readers don’t know what his family issues are, but the way his entire framer changes when it’s mentioned or brought up really shows something. Personally, I think his mom might be alive and he’s taking care of her and siblings maybe. And when he brought her to live with him in his apartment and they were bantering I loved every second of it. I loved the fight they had because he wanted her to take his room while he slept on the couch AND the apology gifts he got her everyday🫠🫠 I want to know all the little notes he left for her with them and I can just see that he finds out later that she wears the necklace everyday. Their phone banter was so on point for them and then her teasing him in the parking garage. I just know he was always going to let her drive his car to the race track, he just wanted to mess with her first, I’m so proud my girl y/n is a baddie. Every single part about the race track was so them, and made sense they would do it there. Okay and the details of her basically getting all her stuff to move into his house made my heart soar like they are so cute, but I died laughing that she put the money she “stole” under his own matress😭 like I just know if he ever finds it there and asks her about it she’s just going to go 🥸 “maybe you left it there, damn styles dementia is really catching up on you. odd place to store your money though.” Okay and I just know Alanis and Zayn are hooking up, but them talking about orgies at the door while he was in there sent me😭 OHHH and his favorite book and the fact that he hadn’t finished it yet broke my heart, he probably didn’t want to know if the guy makes it or not since it still leaves hope in his head that he can possibly escape🥺 The way he instantly noticed her hair change made me swoon as well as the whole interaction they had when they met, like they both understood the others needs of the moment and went out of character to make the other comfortable. Everything about the ending has my heart, him allowing her to shave him, her sitting on his lap to do so. Them joking the entire time (btw no offense to mustache havers but I associate them to pedos and pervs too) and him holding her just to hold her. Him getting hard just because she cares was so cute and the way he blushed and said “I’ll take care of myself if I’m on a time out”—just give him to me. YOU ROBBED US AT THE END BUT IM NOT TOO MAD SINCE THE PART IN ITS ENTIRETY WAS PHENOMENAL. This part was just so domestic, I loved every second of it. The fact she sleeps in his shirt every night ughhhh I can’t wait until they are at the level of cuddling and sleeping together. He has definitely fallen harder then her, but they both fell hard for each other. I love how he’s possessive over her “i don’t share sweetheart, id sooner gauge his eyes out then let him see you like that,” I think it really fits his personality and character and I can def see her being the same way. She would totally kiss Harry or sit on his lap if another girl even shows a bit of interest in him. At every part I’m like wow she (you) really out did herself like it can’t possible get any better and every part I’m proven wrong.

yes yes yes to everythinggggg. i love the way they bicker, it’s always so fun writing them going back and forth with each other, and you’ll def get answers about his family at some point. knowing him, the notes for the other gifts were probably just really concise “from harry” notes lol. as for all of your theories…i can’t say anything sorry 😭 but for the book one, i feel that it was very on the nose, so, yes, even though he doesn’t even consciously think about it like that, i did mean for it to read that way. and i also adored the last two scenes, it was so rewarding to write them being sort of vulnerable with each other on a real level for the first time, especially him. the love boner 🥰 AND OKAY I DID ROB YOU GUYS BUT IT WAS PURPOSEFUL. every time they’ve had sex, it’s all been written out for the reader and it’s also been lacking emotional intimacy. if you remember every other time, there was some mentioning of harry being uncomfortable with her in a position of power or control over him, but in the final scene she’s on top of him, fully in control of what will or won’t happen, and when he doesn’t reject it, the readers don’t get to see it. it kind of gives them an intimacy/privacy/sacred aspect to their sex that they haven’t had until then. he even bows his head to her kind of and rests it on her neck/shoulder, sort of surrendering in a way. it’s actually written in my plans for them to have less sex scenes (not none, don’t fret) as they start to fall for each other to express the development of their relationship emotionally. but that’s just my take. yes i love how possessive he is too, it makes my heart go whoosh. i’ve been waiting for the parts of the story where they get closer and it’s so exciting

thank you 🥺 so so much for all of your kind words my love 🥰🥰

edit: oh and he SO fell harder

#asks #anonymous

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dumb-dumb-mander · 2 years

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Abelia+Taro!

@scribesofcalamity

Helllooo !

• abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with?

I have a few ! Since I have sensitive skin, I can only wear jewelry like gold, silver and etc

And since I dislike always need to think to put back jewelry everytime I take a shower or wake up, this is a double win fjenzf

(don't mind my skin ; eczema and when you're a baby/kid you don't realize that scratching to blood can end in scarring hands)

First of all, these rings. Especially the gold one.

It was my mom's ring she had since her teenager years, in french, because of the pattern, it's apparently called "une sorcière" (a witch), it's a braided style but it's hell worn out because she was always wearing that ring...

Even if the tone of my skin can mix well with gold, I always associated myself with silver instead, so I was searching for the same ring but in silver. I find something similar, and so I am always next to my mom now...

I'm wearing this collar since my teenagers years :'D Not gonna lie, it reminds me of one of my grandpas who was wearing a lot of big gold jewelry one of them was a chain like this.

The ring I got it at the visit to @/salad-tales who reminds me of Trahearne because of the purple (yeah black doesn't fit, but like I said to friend I still want something that fit me too since I'll always be wearing it jgne)

Unfortunately, the ring ended up too big and I lost it in the garden, so when I finally find it back I put it around my neck instead

And finally my earrings ! I have more on one side because I did the second hole (myself, bad, don't do that kids) when I had an undercut and was putting my hairs on the other side, exposing my most geared ear

(I may return to undercut one day, but it's just so much work, you basically need to shave the under part every month hhaaa)

Also, the stone/cristal (?) on the fake earing (top one) is a hematite, discovered that cristal to @/salad-tales (once again) and I feel in love with the meaning, belief, use and color of it... !

• taro ⇢ if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about?

There are people I would like to catch up to, but I'm too afraid to do it because I don't know what I could say jkzf

Not much changed since last time I talked to them so I'm dreading of the idea it could happen fjkzebf

#ask game reply #'what's up after all this time?'#'huuhhh nothing much'#'.......... Mik it's been years'

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cartelheir · 2 years

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@vihilum : lupe, 🍧 SHAVED ICE, ✏️ PENCIL, 🖍️ CRAYON, 💌 LOVE LETTER! OC EMOJI ASKS. accepting!

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

lupe left pretty much everything behind when she ran away from sayulita. she had the clothes on her body and the few contents of a bag she always carried with her. but there’s one thing: the crucifix around her neck that was a gift from her mom to her when she was only a little girl. she’s worn it around her neck nearly every single day ever since and continues to do so. it makes her feel safe. it’s the only piece of home she has left, so if she lost it she would be absolutely devastated.

✏️ PENCIL - is there a particular quote / lyric that you associate with them?

while i can’t think of any specific quotes right now, anything related to la llorona makes me think of her. i was doing a playlist of sorts for her the other day and many florence + the machine songs popped up, but never let me go was made for lupe and lupe only.

🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?

allow yourself to be happy again. you don’t deserve to punish yourself for the rest of your life. i doubt she’d listen to me, though.

💌 LOVE LETTER - do they like love letters? what kind of messages do they leave for their partner?

she’s never gotten or written one, so she doesn’t feel very strongly about them, but she likes the concept. when in love, lupe is the kind of person to leave her partner cute, but kind of over the top notes. stuff like “my dearest love, i’m so glad i met you. my life would be so empty without you. please buy some milk at the grocery store. love you!!” and some hearts drawn around it.

#vihilum #𝗖𝗛. 𝗦𝗧𝗨𝗗𝗬 ━ guadalupe sol.#thank you for all of these!!

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sappylemons · 2 years

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Shadlock w/😭 + 🖍 + 🍓 + 🌪, if u wanna!!!

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

shadlock does not cry easily, not even when he was a kid. it's just not something that comes naturally to him at all. i really think the only thing would be the death of a loved one (or pet), but sometimes he can get close when he's really worried about bane.

🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?

Saying that you have a problem out loud to another person is not going to kill you, and it may even help slightly! You're not actually protecting yourself by being tensed for the worst at every possible moment, taking a second to breathe will leave you more equipped to handle things in the long run. Oxygen bleach prevents bloodstains from appearing under luminol. Call your mom more often.

(HEY GUESS WHAT I MISTOOK CRAYON FOR PENCIL SO YOU GET AN EXTRA)

✏️ PENCIL - is there a particular quote / lyric that you associate with them?

Shave me down and make me sweet Oh, kill my appetite for meat You can buy me a collar and tell me to stay, But someone's gonna love the wolfman one day -- Wolfman Agenda by Shakey Graves

🍓 STRAWBERRY - do they eat their fruit & veg? what is their favourite fruit or vegetable?

He's good about his veggies! He's partial to dark greens like spinach and broccoli. Isn't as good with fruits, he's not a fan of sweet food in general, but he's trying more at Maea's insistence.

🌩️ LIGHTNING - are they scared of lightning?

He's not scared of being struck himself, no. He'll go trundling around in a thunderstorm without even thinking about it local man dies after getting fried by the shovel he was carrying BUT considering he lives out in the woods, there's always some concern about the house/nearby trees getting hit, and lightning can be an unpleasant experience for. other reasons.

#thank you for the asks!! these were great ones <3 #snail mail #gaysoups #my art #ocs #shadlock

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keefwho · 7 months

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October 11 - 2023 Wednesday

2:21pm

Oopsie, remembered some minor trauma and realized it's wider implication. My dad and brother used to do this thing where individually they would man handle me and pin me down, sitting on top of me restricting my legs so they could tickle me. It was supposed to be some good old fashioned simple parent-child playful bonding but I deeply hated it. I didn't like being tickled and having my legs unable to move really freaked me out. I'd always end up crying and running to my room when they did it but they would still do it every now and then. If I didn't cry then it would ruin my mood and I'd verbally shut down before going to my room. Even thinking about it now hurts because it doesn't seem like a big deal but I'm remembering just how awful it was to experience. It was definitely a huge violation of my boundaries, maybe not the first time but all the times after when it was clear I didn't like it.

Naturally I'm also thinking about when Rousso visited and how terribly it went. I think about this a lot, usually when I remember unrelated bad past experience because this event is the most recent. I think I keep wanting a resolution to the entire situation or I wish I could somehow undo all the pain we both experienced from it but the fact is I can't. It happened for well understood reasons. I can't beat myself up about it either because I was never acting out of malice. I was completely unequipped not just for the meetup but everything that happened. I think because I was more or less socially undeveloped. Yeah I'm 27 but there are so many experiences I missed out on, especially at a young age. It's why I've always been the weird kid. And it's for reasons I couldn't control. All I can do now is make an effort to learn as I go like I've been doing. I don't think all is lost, its just frustrated having to try extra hard just to keep up with people my age and get through situation everyone expects me to be ready for.

Also I'm choosing not to ruminate on these memories because I have a nasty habit of ruining my own day when things are going well. Im still well aware of my personal kind of toxic behavior. There is no reason for me to be wallowing about the bad things in my past. It isn't helpful to anything I'm doing today. Its important to note I'm not suppressing, I'm just not acting based on these memories and their associated emotions.

10:56pm

This morning mom was outside when I took Sporticus out. I told her I wanted to try vaping THC instead of edibles since it hits quicker and goes away quicker. She agreed to take me tomorrow morning if I feel like it. Breakfast was a bologna sandwich and some beans, but I threw out the beans because they smelled and tasted like that old chalky disk candy for some reason. I ate a granola bar with my sandwich instead. It also tasted weird so maybe it was just my taste buds today.

I decided not to stream today because it feels very monotonous and I guess I kinda wanted to be alone. Problem is I couldn't focus on work like I wanted and I really wanna get better about that. I ended up only doing half the commission which is okay because it's paid double.

My workout today was splitting wood and I went pretty hard. It also rained while I was doing it which felt refreshing. When I came back in I shaved my body, clipped my nails, and touched up my hair a little. I took a nice hot shower and moisturized.

I couldn't do today's request because the guy I picked was at work and couldn't give me his details so I have to do it tomorrow. I worked on the world instead, intent on doing as much as I can even if it eats into my evening free time. I tried hanging out in David's server while I did it but there was a guy that I've never met there vaping very loudly and otherwise being noisy in other ways. I couldn't take it so I went to work on it alone. I felt pretty dreadful for a little bit only because there were no streams to watch and no one I wanted to talk to. I felt isolated for maybe an hour, trying to make my environment more comfortable and enjoy the alone time. Also my tummy started becoming active which I didn't appreciate. Daisy called at around the usual time. She was smoothing out her fursuit head which she did really well on and she sketched a unicorn for the world. We also watched Zelda some more before bed time. We had a good chat while she was in bed, I'm glad I can just enjoy our time together and not be in my own head. Before bed I put a little bit more time into the world.

#journal #diary

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the-girl-with-hip-dysplasia · 1 year

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Hip Arthroscopy & Osteochondroplasty (w/ a plot twist)

On May 4, 2023, I went into surgery to receive a right hip arthroscopy with possible labral repair and an osteochondroplasty. In simple words, the doctor made small incisions in my thigh and inserted tools with cameras at the end (for a minimally invasive surgery) in order to see if I had a labral tear. He also shaved down extra bone growth on my femoral head (the osteochondroplasty) that was causing me to have a hip impingement (medically known as a femoroacetabular impingement).

The past few years I JUST KNEW I had a labral tear. I had an MRI in Jan 2022 that showed a labral tear in my right hip and had most of the symptoms associated with it. BUT my post-surgery paperwork says the doctor reported I had NO LABRAL TEAR. LIKEEEEE!!! PLOT TWIST!! REEWINDDDD!

I need to ask him about this during my follow-up appointment next week because I JUST read it in my paperwork when I was looking for the proper spelling of the surgery for this blog post lmao. I was NOT expecting to read that.

My mom told me that after the surgery the surgeon told her that my cartilage was 100% intact, but it didn’t click to me that it meant I didn’t have a labral tear. The doctor did tell me that he has had cases where there was no labral tear in real life although the MRI showed one. But I was ADAMANT that I had one because whenever that part of my hip got aggravated, the pain was on another level. I couldn’t walk on it; I couldn’t even clench my thigh muscles because it would hurt that badly. And it would get aggravated so easily.

My theory is that the hip impingement was the cause of all these symptoms, but I’ll see what the doctor thinks at my follow-up appointment. I’m PRAYING it was the hip impingement because if it was my ACTUAL hip dysplasia causing these symptoms, I’m out of luck since I am not an eligible candidate for the PAO surgery which is the only surgery I know of to address symptomatic hip dysplasia. (Also that surgery and recovery time is odee and I’m thankful my case isn’t severe enough to warrant that). ANYWHO, I will only know once I fully recover from this surgery and get back into my normal daily activities. Wish me luck y’all!!

#hip dysplasia #hip impingement #osteochondroplasty #labral #labral tear #hip surgery #chronic paini #physical disability #Femoroacetabular impingement

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