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angeltrapz · 3 years

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SAW ask time 💚 wld love to hear abt chainshipping + Adam bein autistic— maybe like what Lar notices abt Adam’s stims, things he does for him/ways he helps when Adam needs it. Also for Eric/Adam, maybe any thoughts on Eric finally like.. realizing he’s got a special interest?? ik we’ve talked abt how hard he masks but bein around Adam (n Mallick) helps him relax abt that, so like maybe how does he react + what is th special interest? anything u wanna dish abt!

thank u it’s always SAW ask time in my heart <33

!!! I was just thinkin abt tht!!! our minds 💫

I think th first time he rly sees Adam stimming (i.e. flapping his hands) he’d be like “what’s that?” but not in a rude way - genuinely a tone of “I want 2 know more abt this thing, pls tell me” rather than anything anywhere near condescending/annoyed/mean-spirited like Adam has dealt w fr YEARS at this point. so he’s definitely put on edge a lil bit bc he can’t help it, maybe he starts to like wind down and force himself into quiet hands, but Lawrence is immediately like “no I wasn’t making fun of you!! u don’t have to stop doing it!” which kinda stops Adam short like. what r we doing here. usually when ppl ask me tht they’re also telling me 2 stop. finally Lawrence says “I was just wondering what kind of stim tht was,” like he didn’t almost (accidentally) uproot Adam’s whole shit + is currently Doing So Now by using actual terms tht Adam didn’t know he knew, n so he like takes a moment to absorb tht comment n then he’s like. “oh. it means I’m happy or excited?” and honestly? when Lawrence hears tht? he’s like “oh... so then you’re rly happy? 🥺” n it’s just like. a moment fr both of them lol. (Adam feels Much safer discussing things after tht too, in several ways. it definitely helps w building trust between them!!)

after that though Lawrence definitely takes notice of more things! he’s not afraid 2 ask questions, so tht’s smth tht’s rly good fr them - Lawrence being able to seek information (he also does his own reading + research) to better understand, n not in tht shitty mommy blogger “I know yr in there somewhere” way. he doesn’t want 2 change Adam. he wants a better grasp on wht Adam’s experiences r like so he can help n minimize stress abt certain things. fr Adam tht’s definitely like.. foreign territory, bc as u’ve mentioned b4 + my personal hc as well, his parents didn’t really care 2 get him formally diagnosed + even acted like there was No Way he cld be neurodivergent in any sense, so 2 have some1 who is interested n respectful is So important 2 him. (personal hc time: I hc Adam as both adhd AND autistic like me so there’s tht!!)

so like he takes notice of th way Adam likes 2 roll things btwn his fingers (shirt sleeves, shirt hems, hoodie drawstrings, blankets, soft fabrics he likes the texture of, etc.) n is just like Oh Idea. I like 2 think he gets Adam one of those bead lanyards (like this one, which I also have!) fr him to fidget w n he kind of presents it like “I thought maybe u wld like smth like this?” n honestly he’s a lil nervous abt what Adam is going 2 say. but Adam takes it n holds it fr a minute, rolling th beads n messing w th lanyard itself 2 kind of test it, n he just looks up n smiles n he’s like “I love this. u’ve been paying tht much attention??” n fr Lawrence it’s just like “yes? of course? bc I love u?” like it’s th simplest thing in th world n Adam’s just. Huh. no he does Not tear up, if Lawrence told u tht he’s lying. he’s just Rly not used 2 ppl who want 2 know more without wanting to “get inside his head” or belittle him fr it (ties into my hc tht fr th most part, Adam hasn’t rly had any Good friends...) so it takes a lil getting used to.

another thing!! Lawrence does is ask 2 listen 2 Adam infodump abt his special interests - esp photography!! like they do this thing where if it’s not too late at night by th time Lawrence comes home frm work, Lawrence will take a quick shower n then get into his pajamas n into bed (just fr some quiet quality time b4 they go to bed, bc he still tends 2 come home a bit late), n he’ll have Adam sit next 2 him n he’ll be like “what do u want to tell me?” bc tht’s another thing tht Adam was entirely unused 2 - having ppl who didn’t just tolerate his infodumping, they wanted to hear it. Lawrence might be th first person to not actually give him shit fr it/tell him he’s being annoying/shut him down completely. again, it takes Adam a lil bit to b fully comfortable w it, but once he is he adores having tht time to be excited abt things w another person! who he knows Wants to listen!! (if we’re going th route I personally like 2 think abt sometimes too, where Lawrence is autistic as well, I feel like they infodump back n forth abt photography n medical stuff. do either of them rly know what the other is saying? not rly. are they listening happily bc that’s their partner n it’s smth they’re excited abt? oh absolutely!)

I think Adam has a tendency to eat a lot of th same foods bc they’re safe n he knows he likes them/doesn’t mind their texture (which is a big issue w trying new foods fr him), which is smth tht Lawrence also takes note of and as such, he likes 2 make sure they’re regularly stocked up on at least some of tht stuff. it’s not even smth he tells Adam he’s doing, bc it’s rly tht simple 2 him - Adam likes these things n therefore we shld have them at th house - but fr Adam it’s just One Of Those Things, y’know?? he got so much shit as a kid fr being such a “picky eater” n got shit fr it as a teenager too bc “why don’t u ever try anything new??” was smth his friends/parents Loved 2 say. it’s th fact tht Lawrence rolls w it so easily, doesn’t poke or prod for reasons he eats th way he does, and doesn’t get upset w him fr it/try 2 force him into things he isn’t comfortable w. it means a lot to him, more than he’ll ever have words 2 say (but he does always kiss Lawrence’s cheek when he gets back frm th store n he sees some of his same foods, which is just as good). it’s loving tht he’s autistic because it’s a part of him, a fact, not despite or in spite of. tht’s what’s so nice n kind of healing abt it; feeling safe 2 express yrself as u are w a partner who u know u can trust. who maybe words questions a bit funny sometimes, completely unintentionally, not out of malice (where allistic Lawrence is concerned, anyway). Adam feels Safe, n tht means a lot 2 him.

as fr ways he helps him!! a big thing is tht Lawrence is observant, esp as they spend more n more time together. a lot of th time, even when it’s just th two of them alone, Adam might have trouble maintaining eye contact fr an extended period of time, n Lawrence might not know how much it Actually helps, but he doesn’t mind tht Adam doesn’t always look at his face when they’re talking. it’s smth tht takes a little getting used 2, but he was never shitty about it w Adam. the way he sees it is if it makes Adam more comfortable, why shld he get upset abt it? it’s not like he doesn’t know when Adam’s talking 2 him anyway, or tht he can’t tell if Adam is listening; Lawrence knows both of those things, so Adam not making eye contact isn’t a problem, y’know? it’s okay. n I rly don’t know if Lawrence is fully aware of how much Adam appreciates tht.

another thing is he’s patient + understanding when Adam is nonverbal, whether it be bc he’s having a shutdown/meltdown, sensory overload, or just plain Difficulty w speech. it kinda depends on what I’m writing at th time, but I feel like Adam might have picked up at least a lil bit of sign language here n there; mostly simple phrases tht get th point across. I like 2 think Lawrence learns what they mean so he can take tht stress off of Adam’s shoulders, but most times, Adam is just comfortable sitting in silence w someone he cares abt.

OH brief thing Lawrence is RLY good at helping w pressure stims. he gives amazing bear hugs n I feel like he’d also probably let Adam lay on him if they’re on th couch/in bed. I just Feel It.

OHH I think abt Eric finally developing a special interest now tht he feels more comfortable w doing so a lot. honestly I kind of rly like th idea tht his special interest might be info abt rats! it kind of hits him when he catches himself writing down lil facts (tht might not even be related to pet care!) in his notebook so he’ll remember them + always being excited 2 learn more n share what he’s learned. it makes Adam SO happy to see him being comfortable w tht aspect of himself, esp now that he’s safe to explore it w ppl who understand n who won’t discourage him/belittle him for it,, Mallick too of course, but Adam knows how much Eric struggled w tht kind of thing for such a long time so he’s just. Ah. 🥺🥺

like they’ll all b chilling on th couch (Eric, Mallick, n Adam) n Eric will have his head against Adam’s shoulder while his hand is on Mallick’s chest, who has HIS head in Eric’s lap w his legs dangling off th armrest, n he’ll be like “did u know tht when rats r happy, they grind their teeth together? it’s called bruxing n then sometimes their eyes move in their sockets rly fast while they’re doing it. tht’s called boggling.” n Adam will be smiling so wide when he says he didn’t know tht but it’s rly cool!! n then Mallick will start asking questions n he n Adam just listen while Eric infodumps fr probably th very first time since he was very very young, before it was masked out of him by his parents. n he finds tht he Doesn’t feel so bad abt it anymore, not when he’s around ppl who want him to be happy and want to see him be happy - esp ppl who encourage it n let him know it isn’t smth he has to hide/keep locked away. it’s hard 2 b ashamed of himself when Adam n Mallick r looking at him w genuine interest in their eyes n so so much love.

he might still like, slip back into masking behaviour every now n then, bc it’s something he’s still dealing w n learning 2 leave behind, but after he discovers his first special interest it gets a little easier, letting go of that way of life. it was smth he was forced into by adults who didn’t actually want th best for him like they said they did when they put him through “therapy,” but w partners he knows understand n who are even autistic themselves, Eric slowly learns 2 be more comfortable w it. it’s slow, but it’s progress. bit of a learning curve. he’ll get there.

#just if anyones curious yes I am also autistic #I know I mentioned tht in th response itself but U Know!#saw #adam #lawrence #eric #mallick #asks #god I love getting asks frm u u Understand me #tysm!!!! I appreciate it a whole lot things have been sort of rough #oh another note I kind of write adam at least w a lot of my mannerisms/experiences #it's what I know lol

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subtlereferencetomyinterests · 4 years

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everything about sanders sides is good, you all know my stance on that, but yet Another Good Thing is how Every Fuckin character is perfect for Neurodivergent Projecting time.

Logan? Difficulty conveying emotions, he Actively Studies Modern Slang Terms, So Much Knowledge about Very Specific Topics, hard time understanding other people’s feelings and picking up on Subtext (*cough* LNTAO *cough*)..... like, need i go on?

Roman? Easily excited, impulsive, Prone to sudden intense mood swings and moments of extreme emotion, difficulty recognizing tone/realizing when he might be saying smth hurtful, Frustrated when the things he does don’t turn out Just Like He Imagined them, fixation with escapism and fantasy..... ?? fuck hes me

Patton? He Does Not Know the effects of his actions unless you Tell Him Directly, bending over backwards to try and accommodate those around him; again with the strong bursts of emotion, he literally had a breakdown just because of how fuckin confused he was and if that ain’t relatable idk what is; he loves everyone so much and he needs to tell them every five seconds just in case they forgot....... i really love patton omg

Virgil? Well a lot of it could be from the anxiety-ness that he is, but!!! That’s also Projection Time- the lashing out when things dont go his way, the Sweater Thing, he also has trouble expressing his emotions (particularly the sentimental ones), he like cannot apologize all he does is try to convey that he regrets it with like gestures and implications fuck im love him!!! virgil is a good example of the less excepted and more frowned upon Neurodivergent traits and thats very sexy of him i think.

Janus? Fuck, man, Being sincere? It is Impossible!!! He gets angry when people don’t understand what he’s trying to say, and also when things don’t go the way he planned or the way he wanted. And what is Philosophy if not a Special Interest for him??? Plus plus plus his insistence on having a Persona and a Vibe at all costs even when breaking that created character could benefit him he just,,,, can’t... like it’s so hard for him and I really feel that.

Remus????!!? Best and Most Interesting for last, ya know!!! I think we’re all in agreement that he has adhd. The constant movement which is Obvious Stimming (his Litol Dance, the little hand thing, all of the exaggerated funky gesturing while he speaks!!), he jumps from one topic to another fucking rapid fire with no consideration for anybody else and thats hot. Focus??? sorry he didnt hear that he wasn’t listening. He WILL say the first thing that comes to mind at Literally any instance, and he WILL laugh at his own jokes. He doesn’t care what you guys r talking abt he’s bored....... Just Makes Noise for attention. Repetitive language/phrases, like he circles back to certain subjects or ideas cuz brain got Stuck on this One Thing... Honestly just wants a fucking reaction like pay attention to him is it any wonder hes my all time favorite character in anything?? Also!!! Seemingly contradictory and varying tastes in media, like just look at his playlist and see the fucking vastly different genres n shit becuz brain is moving too fast to only like One Kind of Thing he must like All Of It.

(haha wow those got progressively longer).

((Also that scene in LNTAO where Pat distracts Roman, Virgil, and Logan with three objects that r all Neurodivergent Culture bb)).

This post was brought to u by an Autistic enby with ADHD and Anxiety who is Unacceptably Attached to these characters.

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

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I rambled this out in the tags of my reblog of ur response to my... hm, "pink" ask, but i'll put it here anyways

I think ray and i are similar in the way of emotional sensitivity and people pleaser tendencies, albeit stemming from very different origins. For Ray, it's his traumas and the lifestyle and mindset he's been forced into. For me, it's the neurological disorder/learning difference I've had all my life, ADHD, and its accompanying RSD and anxiety.

One good thing about that bad friendship i got myself into was that i learned how to be a little more independent and how to overcome certain parts of my anxiety at times, as well as how to say no and to not give in so easily into the urge to just do whatever my friends ask.

So, I'm better than I was. But like I mentioned, its a little different when i dont know the person yet, and its especially different if theyre as sweet and kind as ray is. Honestly it gets me weak. I mean, even in the game, when i play AS (and his route) for the first time, i was very compliant to everything he said, especially since he seemed to have some confidence about him (i still cant tell if im just dumb or if he actually seems that way to others in the beginning). And thats not just cos i wanted to progress with the game; i chose the options i felt drawn to.

I'd have a hard time telling him no.

As for emotional sensitivity and RSD... itd be a loop i swear oh my days lol. He's always like "sorry sorry sorry pls dont hate me" and im sitting there like "same." If i was actually there id be like "no no never! Id never hate you i swear ur so freaking nice and sweet and fjbdjdbjd" and then like that very same day, say i shot him a text or two and he doesnt respond for like an hour. I get it. I know he's busy. I don't reach out further cos i dont wanna be annoying, i just wait. And wait. And tell myself he's busy. He doesn't hate me. He's just busy. ...did i say something wrong? Maybe i was confusing...? *proceeds to reread my texts like a million times, analyzing all the possible interpretations and probably scaring myself a couple times*

Finally a text comes in, or a chatroom with him opens up, and- here's where we differ. I keep those "what if he hates me" thoughts to myself. Instead its, "oh thank goodness lol i thought maybe i was being annoying or something or offended u or made u mad" (usually just one of those; which one i felt depends on the scenario) and even then it's only if an opportunity comes up. Sometimes i'll outright ask "was i being annoying? Sorry i know i can get out of hand sometimes" or say something like "just lemme know whenever im too overbearing or annoying or confusing or fast, etc". I tend to prefer to lean towards semi-subtle phrasing rather than outright asking.

But its like... "sorry sorry; are u mad?" "No!! No im not mad... but... i thought you'd be upset at me so I was afraid to face you... and then when you didnt text me i thought it even more..." "what??? No never! I didnt text u cos i thought u were mad!" Lmaooo

[417]

Yeah, I can totally relate to that internalized dialogue. So, it just seems that you can look at him and say same hat. I understand that feeling very well because I do it all the time too. Ray oftentimes gets overworked and overwhelmed by the thought that he's not doing enough, as a matter of fact, he's been told that he's not doing enough so he just thinks that constantly without anyone having to prompt him otherwise. A part of it might be a manipulation on his part but another part of it is genuine self-loathing. It is hard to say because he has moments where his genuine sincerity comes out and moments when his plans pop out. That's why I often tell people that he's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Yes, he is relatable in a sense but that doesn't mean that he is inherently good too.

His morality is a little skewed but you can't really blame him for it given how he was manipulated himself. It is a matter of getting to know him and helping him see that something is amiss that allows him to almost realize that it's not okay. It is just too easy to overanalyze and get overwhelmed by the smallest of details that may not mean anything. It's an unfortunate circumstance that many of us have to deal with.

He's definitely a lot to deal with, and you have to be on your toes and ready to deal with it. If you are not in the right headspace or you easily get overwhelmed by little comments that may not mean much, then it's probably going to be hard for you to deal with the situations that take place with him. Even I know that I would have some specific problems with it myself given he and I have so much in common. However, don't think that that counts you out or anything. You still have the capability to get through to him.

It just comes down to empathizing and reaching out to each other when things don't feel right. That is easier said than done though so yeah, it would be a little complicated. It'll turn into a game where you're reassuring him and he's reassuring you. Sometimes it's good if someone can understand you firsthand, because the thing you can help yourself in the process.

#mod kait #ask #417 anon

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carnifcrous · 5 years

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could you give me a rundown on what being gender critical is? i get the basics i think but if you don’t mind explaining your views?

oh boy anon i’ll sure try!! idk if im the best person to talk about it tbh and ive confused a lot of people trying to explain my views before ahfjkfh but ill try REALLY hard to keep my adhd ass in check lmfao. if theres anything i said thats confusing & you need cleared up feel free to @ me againi dont know how long gender critical has existed as a concept, but i wouldnt be surprised if it was developed as a reaction to a certain VERY vocal part of the trans movement/trans rights activists

(so when you talk to people (trans ppl) about gender i think people usually break it down into several a few categories: gender identity, gender roles, and gender expression. i think most trans people are aware of & separate their sex from their gender identity, the identity being something innately part of every person, the roles generally speaking the bullshit that society expects & should be rejected, and gender expression really just being the traditional “feminine” or “masculine” behaviors/dress you use regardless of your innate identity.in trans circles/lgbt (merch, lol) sites i’ve seen the phrase passed around “gender is a social construct.” i think trans people who do/used to say that meant it kind of like that since gender was created by societies so it doesn’t matter how you identify/why not expand the understanding of gender (ergo, non-binary genders getting popularized). i think this fell out of popularity because it was transppls attempt to validate ourselves and conservatives cant wrap their mind around social constructs are/the distinction between sex and gender and so it wasnt really working out lmfaobut now there’s been some scientific studies getting popularized that have Suggested the existences of male & female brains and that trans ppl have the brain of their identified gender, therefore the disconnect between their brain and their body manifests as gender dysphoria. (i think the transmed community has especially taken to this idea esp because of kalvin garrah discovering these studies & now kind of preaching them as facts & science. with this comes him, his friends, and all the transmed ppl who stan him ryan and london saying that Gender Isnt Socially Constructed)then theres the posts circling around here saying Transwomen Are Women/Real Women + when the women’s march happened in america after trump got elected, i saw quite a few things on facebook where ppl were saying that all the talk of vaginas and shit were transphobic and trans-exclusionary and they should keep in mind that not all women have vaginas, etc etcthen u have what i believe (or at least hope) are outliers in the trans community being dug up (usually transwomen) who say........ The Most ridiculous shit imo. like saying theyre more of a woman than ciswomen (i’ll use cis strictly to mean not-trans in the context of this post), transwomen claiming theyre having a period, and just in general perpetuating “cotton ceiling” stuff like lesbians just needing to get over their transphobia to be with a pre-op transwoman. (again i would like to reiterate i DO NOT believe this is what the majority of transpeople believe, its just a vocal minority thats gotten attention from receipt blogs IMO.))**sorry that this post is already becoming an essay and if its derailing from the question, but this is what i think gender critical stuff is meant to react toso kind of in opposition to mainstream ideas of what gender is, i think radfems/gender critical people dont really break down gender into the different things like identity, roles and expression. from my understanding, gender was socially constructed based on sex stereotypes. i think we can all agree that stereotypes are Bad, so why should we identify with some set stereotypes?

the gender critical beliefs is that there’s not right or wrong way to be male or female (male and female in this post meaning to strictly refer to biological sex). gender is holding us back by continuing to subscribe to sex stereotypes and is counterproductive to building a society where people are free to express themselves however they like. (a lot of gender critical ppl equate gender identity with personality, and while i think this can sometimes be the case w nondysphoric people & mogai genders, it isn’t always and usually isnt, because as i mentioned before, a lot of ppl know enough to say that gender expression is something independent of gender identity.)as for my personal take on it & how it plays a part of my life (apologies that this is going to get super anecdotal):this all is related to my own transition. since questioning being trans, i fluctuated between different non-binary identities. i didnt think i was Trans Enough to call myself a transmale because i didnt want to kill myself over not having a penis (or even trans enough to call myself trans at all lol), so i thought i needed to stay as being nb. then i realized they/them pronouns did...... nothing for me. the whole time i had she/they/he or they/he in a profile i was always secretly hoping someone would just call me he lol.

but i felt like i was an insult to REAL transmen. it took me a while to realize that i didnt care too much about the specifics, i just needed to do what made me happy. that happiness was being read as male & using he/him pronouns.

but even then id still struggle. id have moments of thinking that i was just copying my best friend (who had a similar nb -> binary transmale path as me), or that i didnt even feel like a boy, that i was STILL faking being trans, that i should feel more of x y & z, that id made a mistake with starting testosterone, etc. reading radfem/gender critical stuff used to trigger the fuck out of me lmfao.i think what i eventually realized for myself and the sentiment other gender critical transppl share is that i was setting up an expectation/standard for myself that was impossible to attain. with mainstream gender theory, a cisman and i share our gender identity, our gender is the same (”cis” as its used to “identifying with your biological sex”). the thing is though, in terms of sex/gender, theres nothing i find that i have comparable to a male. i dont act like a “man” because im not one, im a TRANSman. ive lived most of my life so far as female and being socialized that way has been significant to me. i relate a lot to women and its always felt wrong to me how suddenly because im transitioning it felt to me like i was expected to revoke my right to speak on feminism/womens experiences. way before i discovered gender critical things i was pissed off at people trying to be “allies” to transpeople saying shit like “all men are trash transmen are real men so theyre trash too uwu!” like. fuck that. and fuck you for insinuating i would EVER treat a woman the way that men do.

like i know there are transmen (and just transppl in general, for that matter), who try to overcompensate with misogyny/misogynistic ideas because they think itll help them pass better but fuck

anyway. im proud of being a natal female and being socialized that way. being trans isnt exactly a party but im glad i could get the insight i have into the treatment of women and so forth. and the thing is, this isnt a contradiction to me being trans at all. once i let go of whether or not i was “male enough” of “valid” as a boy, i could once again just focus on the very concrete evidence in my life: i was EXTREMELY dysphoric about my chest. i’ve been on hrt for almost two years now and ive had top surgery. my dysphoria is almost non-existent since ive had surgery. i dont mind & even get excited about all the changes coming from being on testosterone. (dont like that i cant sing like i used to and that i’ll probably end up balding at least by my 50s if my dads head is any indication, but cismen have this problem too so whatever)

also ive never felt quite right when i was calling myself gay (exclusively attracted to men). i share some issues that gay men might, i Can be affected by homophobia because i Do pass as male, but its still not 100% the same experience and i think that distinction is importantmy concerns & how being gender critical is important to me:

me coming out as trans was a process over time. using the usual trans rhetoric, i was having difficulties explaining myself to people. specifically im thinking about my mom. when i said i was uncomfortable with being seen as a girl, she said she was uncomfortable too. she liked dressing more like a boy. some other shit she said too that i dont remember, but my basic takeaway: cispeople, particularly ciswomen, arent necessarily enthusiastically identifying with their correlated gender to their sex, because..... no reasonable person likes gender roles.

and i get worried about people like my mom who might be encouraged to identify as nonbinary just because theyre gender non-conforming. the identity itself wouldnt be much of a problem except that it seems to me like its being pretty normalized for nonbinary people to just kind of....... experiment with medical transitioning to try to achieve some Ideal androgynous form that would be.... Very difficult to achieve. i worry about people not thinking medical transitioning is a big deal and just kind of.... disregarding all the potential health consequences, how powerful testosterone is as a hormone, and so on. with the permanent changes that come people THEN end up experiencing dysphoria and life is.... really pretty difficult for detransitioned women from what i can tell, and a lot of people talk about how theres been a spike of people detransitioning lately.

i think part of the problem is 1. transmed/truscum people harassing & bullying nondysphoric trans-identified people, so they feel the need to medically transition to Prove Themselves and 2. just in general the aforementioned idea that everyone has a gender identity. i think itd be very uncommon for people to “identify” as cis, and so you get this whole mess of people thinking they need an androgynous body to match their androgynous identity......... etc.

bonus: my mom crying on her birthday because she said she didnt think shed be able to ever see me as a guy. “nonbinary, maybe, but you dont act like a boy.” problem solved, i dont act like a guy, i act like a transguy!!

also again, need to reiterate that i cant relate to men. i can never Become Male, not with our current technology. i was not socialized as male and thats okay!! its okay because im just doing what i need to in order to be comfortable with my body and myself. i dont need to worry about my dating pool seeing me as a Real Man because they can see me fully as the transman i am and my relationship with being a natal woman and just, shit like that. ive gotten a lot more comfortable with even being called she when it does happen (by accident by family members). its not a swear word to me and ive let go of a lot of expectations i thought i had to meet with being uncomfortable talking about my female organs and my past as living as a woman etc etc. im not trying to Be anything anymore. im just trying to live as myself

some of my issues with the gender critical community just as a disclaimer:

i have a lot honestly and im not going to be able to name them all off the top of my head

makes sense that it would be, but i think the community is rampant with transphobia in the sense of flattening transpeople to the “transcult” stereotype where they just..... dont seem to think of us as individuals. they think we’re all genderists getting triggered by misgendering & demanding our pronouns. they think all of us are “delusional” about our natal sex. they think we’re all gender conforming. they dont take dysphoria seriously in general, ESPECIALLY males experiencing dysphoria (i get that your feminism doesnt have to be concerned with “men” but come on). misgendering is just disrespectful to me (idgaf about rapists, whatever use whatever pronouns you feel the need for those people.)

just in general some people dont get that trans people can still exist in a post-gender world? and you can still be critical of gender while respecting people’s pronouns? by their very nature i think the transmed, radfem, and especially gender critical communities are attractive to bullies so you have those flocking to it, and thats an issue but... yeah.

this answer has gone on long enough and im really sorry anon im sure you didnt sign up to read a 13 page essay. i just got lost in my thoughts and felt like i had a lot of explaining to do. i think my feelings are both simple and complicated so idk if i even really answered your questions, i hope i did..., ;;

#sorry in advance guys i literally never proofread #and i had family come over in the middle of me typing this so i lost my train of thought midway #i dont know where to put this but some last thoughts #the transpeople who insist they have nothing to do with their natal sex make us look like a fucking joke #like thats so easily exploitable by transphobic conservatives #and im tired of them having that leverage because theyre fucking idiots and dont deserve any sort of intellectual upperhand #gender theory has a lot of holes in it i think and its way too easy to poke at right now #also i think even more important than transmen its important for transwomen to acknowledge they arent the same as ciswomen #i know dysphorias a bitch i know it sucks i know it hurts #im trying not to let my privilege let me forget because i DO have a lot of privilege #but when we're talking about females as an oppressed social class #you dont neatly fit in & share that same experience #doesnt mean you dont have problems/face oppression! but its most likely because youre trans #not because of your identity #also my take on gender critical theory is that it just..... fits for me #i had that whole section about why its important to me #but i also dont really care that much about ppl still subscribing to gender theory #like you do you boo i just think it can be harmful sometimes #anyway #long post #radfem #gender critical #discourse #pine speaks

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neurodivergentaf · 6 years

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I could not stop my cursed brain from spouting the sheer amount of bullshit it loves to provide the public with on matters that I really don’t want to deal with but here we are!! Review of the movie Split (2017) by a person professionally diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. I had to rewatch this crap on exam night so pay up anons and read under the cut. Warning for spoilers

I’m not going to be all “blah blah this is a horrible movie 1/5 stars” because let me be clear 2 u. This movie made me angry. This movie was also, from an objective standpoint, well done. I love psychological horror art, but as I weighed the pros and cons on the consequences that can arise from this movie existence, I can safely say Fuck All That. I know I missed a lot of details, but I didn’t want to waste time trying to explain the basics of DID and take up too much space on this post (lol failed).

Here is a half-assed review on Split by a sleep deprived college student messed up on about twenty different types of cold and flu medicine. Enjoy!

Accidentally watched on hulu the movie Split 2016. checked the genre halfway through and decided that the big fat ‘romantic comedy’ title probably meant it wasn’t the one i was looking for; proceeded to watch the actual Split movie via unsavory websites. i risked my life for this. the cops are coming any second to arrested me

Gave up and decided i didn’t want to ruin my night, so i watched John Mulaneyneyeney’s new movie on netflix. it was fantastic

Actual start of review:

I found it really interesting how the Buzzkill Girl protagonist was also shown to have experienced childhood trauma like Barry, yet the movie puts the antagonist as the only one with DID and homicidal tendencies. I think that a better way to have handled this was to also give the protag DID as a plot twist and to show that it really depends on the person, not the disorder itself. (But even if they had done that, there are still too many inaccuracies given about DID in the movie that are harmful to the community. I’ll explain more about that later.)

This woman looks EXACTLY like the therapist that also diagnosed me with DID. What the fuck. 5/5 stars for physical character accuracy

“Nobody even believes that we exist!” Very true. Do you know how many people I know irl that I’ve told about my disorder to? 0. When was the last time you ever heard about DID on the news or in irl conversation? Exactly. We don’t feel like we really exist sometimes, because no one wants to even acknowledge it. Therapists would rather consider the most far-fetched ideas before even thinking about DID, because they are never really taught the skills on how to handle it or identify it.

Some people with DID refer to themselves in plural form. Some don’t. Barry just happens to use the plural form, probably to remind the audience of his condition. Just wanted to point that out there.

“We always think of shattered people as ... less that us. What if they’re more?” I think that was a beautiful phrase. Really, I loved Dr. Fletcher’s quotes about DID and the way they wrote her. Too bad about pretty much everything else.

I was kinda “eh” about this part because alters don’t really talk out loud to each other; especially if we’re in a position where someone else can hear us, because we’re aware of how socially unacceptable it it. Usually conversations aren’t held with full sentences, most of the time it’s impressions of feelings or intentions. But Barry is shown whispering in a room alone, so I’ll accept it I guess

Oh yeah. This part. Fuck this part in particular. This doesn’t relate much to the DID topic as much as a transphobic one. They put the villain, a cannibalistic antagonist, in association with gender non-conformity and, by extension, trans women. Yeah. fuck that. On an actual DID note, differential genders between alters are pretty common, especially if you have 3+ alters.

I won’t post screenshots of it, but if you watch the movie it is obvious with it’s uncomfortable sexual displays of underage girls that it also associates DID with some form of perversion. This provides even more negativity towards people with DID when the fact of the matter is that people with DID are no more geared towards unethical actions than neurotypical people.

Some people with DID don’t see their alters as human, whether or not that comes from their trauma or as a type of coping mechanism. For me, I have a very scary looking alter that is that way as a defense system against the scary situations I’ve had to face. But that does not mean an alter is inherently violent.

Child alters are also common because of the same reason listed above. DID is a disorder that manifests in childhood, and I have yet to meet a person with DID that does not have a child or child-like alter.

A side-effect of DID is memory loss, also called dissociative amensia. There have been cases where alters withheld information (usually traumatic events) from one another as a way to cope. DID is all about being able to function at the most optimal level when faced with persistent trauma, so missing information about daily life or important events are common.

*deep sigh* Okay...the skype call scene. Let’s do this shit. First off, I’m gonna have to call bullshit on how good the video in this looks. 1/5 stars for skype accuracy

This is pretty common with DID. It can present itself in different styles of writing or talking depending on the alter. Some alters are similar enough that this doesn’t really apply to them.

Uh, yeah, no. This is just straight up untrue. False. Nein. Ne. Doesn’t fucking happen. The only way I can kinda of see what she’s trying to say is if she’s focusing on the fact that an alter can be unaware of their own physical abilities and as such, can act in a limited way. But physically, we are not different. DID is not a developmental disorder. If the body was born with ADHD, then all the alters will have ADHD, even if the ADHD will manifest in different ways for the alters (e.g., one alter can focus a little more on a certain subject than another)

It ain’t that deep dude. I’m just trying to keep my cool when Melli eats all of my fucking york mint patties and Andrei has hidden my fucking keys in a fucking spot where I can’t fucking remember Andrei you piece of shit

I don’t understand what he is trying to say here. I think I’ve ever only heard of one incident where a person with DID could control when one of their alters can take over, and it wasn’t from a credible source. We can’t control who can front and who can’t. I use the word “front” in place of “the light” here because i have neverrrrrr heard any person with DID use that term.

It can be very hard to distinguish who is fronting and who is not. The person fronting can give an educated guess, but can’t be 100% certain because personalities always change and grow and can hide things about themselves that they don’t even recognize.

Ouch...that scene hit home for me. Internal conflicts are common and can lead to self-stigmatization within the group. There can even be cliques like ‘here are the bad alters’ and ‘here are the good alters.’ This happens because we are simply human.

After more than an hour of rewatching Split i decided to stop because this post is getting too long and i want to focus on the more important issues of it instead of liveblogging. Also the small fact that my body has been trying to kill me via mucus in my lungs for 2 days straight.

Lets get one thing clear: “With DID patients, if they feel hostility or aggression they take it out on themselves with self-harm… They’re self-destructive and repeatedly suicidal, more so than any other psychological disorder. So that’s what’s typical – not this wild aggression, or stalking women [or robbery].” — Dr Bethany Brand, on Billy Milligan and Multiple Personality Disorder (DID)

“But it could happen!” You can say. Yeah, sure. It could happen because of the simple fact it’s not entirely impossible that a person with DID could kidnap girls and be a cannibal. The issue is not that it’s not impossible, the issue is that This Is It. This movie is one of the very few that even reference DID, and it’s a horror movie with inaccurate information about the disorder. When was the last time you heard something positive about DID? When was the last time you came across accurate information about it without having to consciously search for it? This is it. The therapist tells us that DID is not evil, and then an hour later is murdered by her patient, which encourages the audience to disbelieve what she claimed. This movie tells people that we are inherently violent, perverse, dangerous, and it has taken the progress made to understand DID 10 steps back. Fuck this movie. We don’t deserve this. We’re not some parody to make money off of. We’re people who have had a ton of shit thrown at us to make us this way and now these people want to tell us that we’re monsters.

I wouldn’t be so prissy about this if there were 10,000+ good movies about DID and this just so happened to be the only bad one. I wouldn’t even be writing this review. Curse you, parallel dimension me, you lucky son of a bitch.

So. Yeah. Fuck this shit.

#long post #split #did #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #split movie #lol sorry to the mobile users rip #mine #alter #alters #bluespace

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derryhawkins · 6 years

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Growing Fame (4/??)

summary: A modern AU where the losers are semi-famous for different things, and when they all run into each other at a certain event, all of their fans go bat-shit crazy – wanting the seven to spend more time together. What they didn’t expect even more than that, though, was a well-known and mean journalist to write bad reviews on them all. Their growing fame could soon shrink, they quickly realized. warnings: swearing pairings: benverly; bichie; steddie; mike/oc a/n: I feel like this is short, sorry, but hope you enjoy anyway!

CH 1 | CH 2 | CH 3 | CH 4 | CH 5 coming soon

The Three Way Skype Call

“I’m a f-f-f-uh-fucking good big br-bruh-brother!”

Bill was furious, to put it simply. Not only was it notable in his re-appearing stutter, but as well as his body language and facial expression. Rightfully, so too. He was a good older brother to Georgie but the article pegged him as a young, irresponsible adult who drinks with his baby brother around. The other’s were pissed, too. They hated the fact that some well known journalist wrote false information about their little day at comic con.

“Of course you are, Big Bill, you’re the best! And what’s up with this guy’s name anyway?” Richie asked, frowning as he glared down at the phone he was holding in his hand. He moved closer to the computer where the group was doing a three way Skype call - him and Bev; Bill, Eddie, and Stan; Mike and Ben. It was easier than traveling to meet somewhere. “Penny Wise... More like Penis Wise you fucking dick. What is Penny short for anyway? I bet it’s Penis, I bet his parents named him penis because they didn’t have the heart to name him Dick. Guess it’s a good because then we’d-.”

“Beep beep, Richie,” Beverly and Bill talked in unison.

Richie shut his mouth abruptly and looked to the side at his roommate and then at the screen where he saw Bill. He set his phone down after exiting out of the article he pulled up to look at one last time and adjusted the glasses on his face. Usually he wore contacts, but he was being lazy for the day and he thankfully had no where too important to be until later tonight -- band practice. He leaned back in his chair and puffed out his cheeks while Eddie started talking.

“This is all bullshit,” Eddie repeated the phrase that has been said multiple times by each of them. “We haven’t done anything, why target us?”

Richie opened his mouth and once again started talking, leg bouncing and eyes roaming around. “Maybe he wants to kill us, I don’t know, he seems hateful enough to commit a murder or two. He’s fucking a joke -- a clown -- I bet he eats kids-.”

“Richie,” Bill stopped him once again, tone more stern. Beverly simply rested a hand on his knee to try and keep him from bouncing his leg so much; it didn’t work too well. The others quickly started talking again, but Richie’s phone dinging made him lean forward and read the message; Beverly did the same, just to be nosey.

from Big Bill: are you taking your ADHD meds still?

Beverly snatched the phone out of his hand before Richie could reply himself, and typed a message before sending it. Richie glared at her, but she just shrugged and stood up. She walked out of the room and the tall male watched for a second before looking at what she had sent.

to Big Bill: Ran out, not enough money to continue the prescription.

He rolled his eyes; of course she wasn’t going to let him lie about it. He ran out just after comic con weekend had ended, and because of the fact that the medicine is pretty expensive and that his parents stopped paying for it, he doesn’t exactly have enough money. Sure, he’s becoming and more famous, but Richie doesn’t have the right amount money for a constant pay of medicine every month of every year just yet. That might change soon, but not now. He might be taking Beverly’s offer for some money if the ADHD gets too bad.

from Big Bill: fuck, man, need some money?

to Big Bill: don’t worry about it to Big Bill: I’ll get them sometime soon

Richie locked his phone then and put it face down on the table. He looked at the part of the screen Bill was on and shrugged as he stared him down. Right then, Beverly came back and sat down again. This time with a Rubix Cube. She handed it to Richie, who gladly took it and started shifting it around in no specific order as he listened to the conversation.

“We need to speak out, or do something about this before it becomes too much to handle,” Mike said.

“We’re irresponsible college students in their eyes,” Stan said, “Getting them to listen will be like trying to get a shark to be friendly to it’s food.”

“Yeah, I doubt they’ll talk to the girl who sleeps around,” Beverly bitterly said.

“You’re not a slut,” Ben said, voice quiet but still able to be heard.

Richie side eyed Beverly with a small smirk as her cheeks tinged pink while she replied, “Thanks, Ben...” The young man smiled proudly and the redhead gave a smile back. Richie smirked to himself, knowing he was going to poke and prod Beverly about the tiny interaction later.

“I wanna say just wade it all out,” Eddie said, “but that could make things worse if none of us say anything.”

“Things could get worse if we do say anything, Eds.” Richie slouched in the chair and focused his eyes on the Rubix Cube in his hands. But still, that smirk played on his lips.

“That’s not my name.”

He shrugged. “Whatever, Eds.”

Richie looked up just in time to see Eddie make a face at the nickname. He chuckled and looked over at Bill, who sat two seats away from the short male with Stan in between them both. He wanted to keep his eyes on the two shorter boys to try and figure out why they were sitting so much closer together, but Richie’s eyes kept drifting over to his best friend. There wasn’t anything special about him, though. Bill’s hair was just a bit tussled from running his hands through it, stressed over the article, and he currently had a resting pissed off expression because of the situation at hand. The slightly taller male had on the regular clothes he wore. A baseball tee with jeans.

The curly, dark headed male made himself look away and frowned at himself as he tried to focus back on what everyone was saying. Richie, though, kept glancing to where Bill was on his computer screen. Fuck, it’s junior year all over again, he thought. Dammit. Richie flinched as Beverly’s hand whacked him on the shoulder. He snapped his head in her direction and gave her a glare until she handed him her phone. The notes app was opened; she had typed something down.

-istg if you don’t stop staring at him,,..

Richie rolled his eyes and typed something back before handing it back.

-I wasn’t staring, Bev, not like that

Beverly let out a soft scoff, clearly not taking the lie.

-uUUM you sit on a thrown of lies

-don’t fucking use Elf quotes on me

-admit you like Bill and I’ll stop

-go on a date with Ben and we’ll see about that

-l o l f u c k y o u

“What are you two keeping from us?” Mike asked suddenly. He was genuinely curious, but also seemed like he was hoping it was embarrassing so he could tease them.

It was then both friends realized the talking had stopped and the other five had been watching them pass the phone around a few times. The redhead girl and raven head boy glanced at one another. Beverly knew not to say anything, and so did Richie -- obviously, he didn’t need Bill knowing he was staring at him. Eventually, Richie answered.

“Just talking about great your mom was last night!” He grinned cheekily and started laughing once again as Beverly slapped him on the shoulder, groans of annoyance coming from the other boys.

“I th-thought you would grow out those jokes by now, Rich,” Bill complained.

“Big Bill, you know you shouldn’t expect so much of me!”

“God, I hate you,” he mumbled with a small laugh.

“Nah, you love me!” Richie leaned forward and rested his chin in the palm of his hand as his cheeky grin grew.

“I’m starting to think I don’t, actually.” Bill teased. His own cheeky smile formed and Riche feigned a hurt gasp. He sat up straight and clutched his heart, the others either laughing or smiling in amusement.

“You wound me, Big Bill.”

“Are you two done flirting?” Stan asked before Bill could say anything in reply. “We need to get this article thing under control.”

Richie and Bill both instantly went wide eyed, cheeks tainted pink and stiff postures. Bill slowlyIt crossed his arms over his chest and looked around the room he was in, avoiding Eddie looking at him from around Stan and any of the others staring at him through Skype. Richie licked his lips and sat back normally as he picked up the Rubix cube that he had set down. He quickly started playing with it again. But not before glancing once again at Bill. He didn’t seem so tense or pissed anymore.

Good, Richie thought, my little plan worked.

“This guy just had to be popular, huh?” Mike grumbled, stealing a chip from Ben’s plate of food. Ben instantly slapped Mike’s hand but the action did nothing; the taller male shrugged and tossed the chip in his mouth. “My notifications are blowing up more than usual!” He scrolled through his twitter notifs, frowning at the swarm of mentions about him and the others.

“Maybe we could do some digging and find some shit on the journalist,” Ben suggested. He scooted his plate of food father away from his best friend as his hand reached to grab another chip.

The Skype call had ended thirty minutes ago, all of them having thrown ideas on what to do for a solid hour before making up a plan for them all to meet up at Bill’s place since it was the biggest apartment. They would make a video together explaining everything, apologize for any ruckus they may have caused during the weekend, and then post it up on YouTube. It was a good idea. Whether it cause more drama was unknown to them.

“We don’t need to lower to Penis Wise’s antics,” Mike muttered with a roll of his eyes, gladly using the nickname Richie had come up with earlier.

Ben slouched but nodded, scrolling through the hellsite of tumblr dot com. “You’re right, but, I don’t know -- I can’t let this go easily.”

“Because Beverly go called a slut?”

“Wha- No, that’s- Mike do not look at me like that!”

“You wrote a poem about her hair and put it on your Tumblr account.”

“I- fuck off,” he grumbled and slouched behind the computer screen, not bothering to try and lie. “Go flirt with that girl you met online.”

“Gladly.”

The two sat like that in Mike’s kitchen for a while longer. Mike on Twitter and muttering about how he hated the influx of notifications while stealing food off of Ben’s plate, getting a slap on the hand every time. Ben on his computer, going through Tumblr and giving the occasional laugh at a meme while trying to keep his food away from Mike and researching how Penis Wise actually got popular in the first place. Once in a while, Mike would blatantly tease Ben about his quickly growing crush on a certain redhead girl, which Ben retaliated with how Mike was crushing on a girl in Australia.

TEXT BETWEEN EDDIE AND BEV:

ok does Richie like Bill or what

do you like Stan or what

oh suddenly my mom is calling, gotta blast!!

heyheyhey kiss him! what could go wrong??

who said I wanted to kiss him? but seriously I do have to call my mom so I’ll text you later

fine fine ok [unsent] you boys and denying your feelings, istg first Richie now you

AUTHOR’S NOTE: ok I was gonna do some Steddie at the end but honest to god this is all I could write for this part so have Eddie denying his feelings for Stan to Bev over text instead. I’ll be sure to add Steddie next chapter!

TAG LIST: @cupcakeatl @howellhxlic @anniewdoodles @kitaruhakiashi @thesubtextmachine @magickandmoons @allison0609 @i-t-s-y-a-b-o-i @multifandomimaginings @tobzier

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modiintrainguy · 4 years

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update... Everybody’s humpin around

Thursday, Dec 19, 2019, 12:48

youtube

Ok i meant to put “Getting over that hump” and put this picture:

Anyway, had a good chat today with AL.

Even though ive talked alot about stuff and we haven’t really got to any real practical thingsi think we are making progress to understanding things.

One thing that was interesting was the idea that he usually uses the phrase “the ADHD brain” which leads me to questions like i asked in the previous post, about whewther it is really mr problem and whether i need to get diagnosed.

so he said really irts about working out how “Jeremy Last’s brain” works and the issues this creates and how i can deal with them better to get from A - where i am now (nervous alot of the time, worried about putting things off, stressed, doing everytrhing last minute, getting upset and frustrated and having arguments) to B - where i want to be (happy, fine etc).

So we went over this morning’s post and he made some interesting points, including what i wrote just now about the jeremy last brain (see paragraph 2!).

Executive function

“It is about not being able to use “executive function” properly so you you find it very hard to make decisions.”

He noted that it’s not only about it being hard to “make decisions” but about “executing” ie doing things.

These things aren’t gonna work

if the problem is the “adhd brain,” then trying to make me “happier” by

giving me drugs to increase serotonin and/or dopamine and norepinephrine to supposedly make me happy

encouraging me to relax and then use my rationality to realise what the real problem is

think about what made upset as a child and how that influenced me as an adult,

do cbt to focus on the realy problem

isnt going to work.

because even if i feel happier or think rationally, i still dont get over the hump and do what i need to do or become less frustrated because the “adhd” brain stops me from doing the rational thing even if i know what it is and im relaxed.

He made a strong point about what he means with “if i think rationally” and why i still dont get overt the hump.

It’s important to note that it’s that when regular people think rationally, it means knowing what the problem is and finding the solution - then they just do it cos they know what to do and why its worth doing. Me, with a “Jeremy Last brain” (see what i did there!) still doesnt do it so i need to stop and think what techniques can i use to move myself from knowing what to do to actualy doing it.

the obvious classic ones are deadline and visualize the goal, but we haven’t got to working out exactly what will work for me.

Can a pause work?

I kind of dismissed the idea of a “pregnant pause” ie taking a second to consider what im going to say or do before i say or do it.

this could have prevented all the problems with the mrs the last 2 days.

i thought it wont work cos a,. i cant do it and b. even if i do i cant think properly.

he said it can work and is something to consider, but also to see it more as a plaster - it can solve the problem in the moment but better not to get to that moment, e.g. to plan shul on friday night etc.

The issues

The issues therefore are:

is it ok to blame it all (or most of it) on me having an “adhd brain? it seems like it is the main problem but is that a cop out?

one sec, how do i know i have an “adhd brain” - i haven’t been diagnosed, so should i be? is there a real accurate diagnosis u can get anyway. and will i get it done considering my main problem is putting things off!?

even if i am diagnosed and it seems this is the main problem, what the fuck do we do now? can i actually get over the hump and get things done and not be rude when im stressed?

how bad can i be, considering i still get things done ok.

So! re all this he said:

1. no it’s not a cop out - i should never “blame” the adhd/jeremy last brain because i am always 100% responsible for my actions.

Is the “ADHD/Jeremy Last” brain the reason. ultimately it doesnt matter. i act in certain ways and it is up to me to understand what i do, try and work out why and improve it i.e. come up with solutions.

2. diagnosis - it could help but its also likely to be incoonclusive.

3. ahhhh what do we do now - this is hopefully the practical stuff that’s coming up. he b elives i can get from A to B. i hope so after 20 years of drugs and therapy and not getting that close despite improving.

4. I’m not that bad! but it doesnt mean i can’t and dont need to improve. clearly i do. i mean right now ive already cleaned up and hung the washing and almost finished cooking lunch for shabbat (chicken, roast potatoes and sweet potatoes and courgettes!).

The problem with previous efforts is they were working from the wrong “rule book” - without taking the “adhd/jeremy last” brain into account the answers werent going to get me from A to the ultimate goal of “B” - feeling fine.

That’s it for the moment.

gonna run in a bit when the chickens ready - that’ll be 6 days in a row!

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nervousyounginhumansreviews-blog · 7 years

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The Garden- U Want The Scoop? (EP Review)

I really don’t like using the phrase “trying too hard.” I think that when it’s used the thing that is “trying too hard” is usually fine, and sometimes just overly passionate about what it is they’re doing. However, there are certain things that try so hard they actually start to get annoying. The Garden’s new EP U Want The Scoop? is one of these things. Before listening to this, I had only heard one song by The Garden so I wasn’t sure what to expect from them. I was definitely surprised. I’m yet to hear another band that sounds like The Garden and truthfully I think that’s probably a good thing. The Garden is band consisting of twin brothers Wyatt and Fletcher Shears, and their signature blend of comedy and experimental rock/ pop/ ??? is definitely unique. But when I say that they’re trying too hard I’m not referring to their style. Just how they use it. The first song on this EP, Clay, is a pretty good song to sum up the whole thing with. The instrumentals are engaging and promising but the vocals and lyrics are where this falls short. The whole time Wyatt is half-singing, half-rapping, and half-speaking, which gets irritating after a while. The lyrics of the song is the main problem I have with it. Most of the lyrics are fine but when Wyatt is trying to be funny, he instead decides to repeat the same line, “I like cereal, but I ain’t no serial killer” several times, when it could have just been a one off line. The next song, Make Yer Mark is actually pretty good. It starts out fun and poppy with some great instrumentals and the vocals are actually pretty good. Unfortunately, all this goes away about a minute and a half in when the song’s style changes to something that somewhat resembles punk and ruins everything that the song has going for it. I’m not even sure if the next song, Have A Good Day Sir, which recounts getting pulled over by a traffic cop, even counts as a song. The instrumentals aren’t interesting and the the vocals are basically just speaking. This song also has some really irritating background vocals where what Wyatt just said is shouted again several times. The one thing that this song has going for it is that it’s actually kind of funny and it made me smile a few times. Next up is All Access, which I cannot for the life of me figure out if I like or not. On one hand, the song is actually really catchy but on the other hand the instrumentals and vocals almost make it sound like a song that an ADHD five year old would listen to even if they are decent. The final song, U Want The Scoop?, has almost no redeeming qualities. It has a generic beat with uninteresting instrumentals as well as kind of half-rapped vocals that really don’t work well. What confuses me the most is why they decided to name the EP after it. In conclusion, I really don’t know what I think about this EP. The instrumentals were good for the most part but the vocals were weird and irritating and most of the times the lyrics felt like they were trying too hard to be funny. However, I really have to admire The Garden’s creativity when it comes to music as I’m yet to find anything that even remotely resembles their music. I just wish they’d made this album both creative and consistently good.

Score: 2/5

Best Songs: Make Yer Mark

Worst Songs: Have A Good Day Sir, U Want The Scoop?

- Written by L.P.

#thegarden #experimental

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