#I think I’ve probably learned at least 800 by now

[askeataiho]

Hi! For the writer ask: 20-41 😘

Wait is that 20 through 41? I thought it was just 20 and 41 at first.  Well, I have time and can’t concentrate on writing fic now so why not; I’ll answer 20 and 41 and the ones I’m feeling in between.

Thank you!!

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I wish I was better at identifying patterns in my fics because I’m sure I have far more than I have find.  I think joy is a common emotion, I think my fics have a general atmosphere of light even when something more serious or scary is happening.  For more technical things I think I fight my automatic habit of run on sentences so hard that I end up with shorter than average length sentences at some points while still having very long sentences at others.  I don’t have too much dialogue because that’s something that’s difficult for me to write.

21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

Maybe?  I like the idea in theory of collaborating with someone whose fic I like.  But also: I suck at conversations, school group-project trauma, seems so time consuming.  Writing fics inspired by each other is great though!

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I am not ruling anything out! But of course, some things are more unlikely such as things that squick me out.

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

Probably This is the Best Way to See America.  But it’s a long fic in a shrinking fandom that is incomplete and has no ships.  So by that metric I think it’s done okay.  Just the amount of response for the amount of time I’ve put into it (because it’s so long) is small.

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Well, This is the Best Way to See America has to be it.  Because it’s long and weird, but it’s not what I’d normal label a wild ride.

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

Answered

28. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

Not much! 😅 On days I actually write I probably average maybe 100-400 words.  But I don’t write at all many days.  It’s very rare for me to write more than maybe 800-1k words in a day (happened twice I think, not that I keep close track.)

29. What’s your revision or editing process like?

I edit as I go usually.  Then when I finish, I usually sleep on it then look it all over the next day and either post it or send it to my beta-reader depending on the fic.

33. Do you want to be published some day?

Not really, it sounds like far too much work and stress.

34. Five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?

Hopefully still having time and motivation to do so.  And maybe having written for some other fandoms and so longer fics too.

36. How do you write kissing scenes?

Ideally with a lot of time spent imagining it 😳

37. How do you choose where to end a chapter?

I don’t feel I’ve written the kind of stories this question is geared for.  I feel there are clear end points in all my multichapter fics.

38. Would you ever write commissions?

I don’t think so.  I’m stressed enough writing for myself and for attention.

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

Here is a bit from my Joker Out fic:

Despite Bojan’s tardiness this morning, it’s looking like they’ll make their flight from Amsterdam to Ljubljana.  Nace knows it’s too soon to count on everything going smoothly – Nace hasn’t been with this band that long but he’s been with them long enough to learn they have an air-travel-specific travel curse.  Usually it’s lost baggage, but Nace thought today it might have been a lost Bojan. However, Bojan had made it – just in time and with traces of green chalk powder in his hair hinting at where he may have spent last night.

And a bit from TITBWTSA (this chapter has been in progress for ages):

“Ooh, look at that bird,” Olli said suddenly, interrupting the flow of conversation between Joonas and Niko. Joel turned quickly towards Olli, then towards the direction he was pointing into and saw yet another bird.  This one was a little bigger than the brownish-blackish ones on the table, and it was bright orange and black.  It would have been quite pretty, if it wasn’t a bird and so close. It was perched on a trash can only a meter or two from the table they were seated at. “That one is pretty,” Niko said, “I wonder if I have anything in my pockets for it.”  He began digging through his pockets. “Please don’t feed the birds,” Joel said.  He didn’t want to encourage more to come. “There are a lot of birds here, someone must feed them,” Joonas said, “look at that red one over there.” Joel where Joonas was pointing to see a bright red bird perched on a branch of the nearest scraggly tree. “Some seagulls too,” Olli said, nodding towards the far end of the lot. Joel looked that way and saw a half dozen seagulls standing on the ground.  As Joel watched, he noted that they seemed to be shuffling gradually closer.

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Oooh, I would be so excited!  It would depend on their style a lot actually.  The first thing that jumps to mind is Niko first discovering the glade and Olli in Chill.  For someone whose art is more focused on the characters rather than backgrounds, maybe the beginning bit of A Privilege of Olli and Aleksi on the bed or something with the daemons. Or just almost any part of the bear fic, if the artist can draw bears 🙂

41. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I have reread all my fics after posting, except the latest one and TITBWTSA.  I write for me!  For fics I didn’t write, I reread some of my favorite fics too.  Not as much as I have in the past because I’m reading in multiple active fandoms and at least looking at the tags/summary of everything in the tags for each, so I have so many new fics to try.  But there are many fics I have read over and over, including ones I’m not in the fandom at all for anymore (or never really was, e.g. treasured and much reread Star Trek fic vs. how little of the material I’ve actually watched and how little I’ve engaged the fandom.)

Fic Writer Asks

#askea fic

[acourtofthought]

Hi! I’ve been thinking about possible Elucien plots. Do you think now that Briallyn is gone, Koschei might somehow contact Elain with false promises to turn her back into a human if she hands over the Dread Trove so he can free himself? Briallyn did say there are others in the NC that can help her + in one scene Cassian notes Elain’s tight expression when she says she has to go help an elderly Fae with her garden in the morning.

I think it would be interesting if SJM takes that route. The possibilities with Elain’s character are endless because of how underdeveloped she is plus all the hints that she’s hiding who she is and wants to be to avoid upsetting others/disappointing her sisters if she says or does something they don’t like. I actually wouldn’t mind a trilogy just for her + Lucien… I know it won’t happen, so I’m hoping their book is at least 800-900 pages.

I always took Cassian noting that as one of two things. There are hints that Elain may be an owl shifter so it's possible that as the evening drew late, she felt compelled to shift and just make up the excuse she need to be up early. Or..... "Azriel had needed to stay by the door the whole time because he couldn't stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much. Elain's large brown eyes flickered, well aware of that. Just as he knew she was well aware of why Azriel so rarely came to family dinners these days." The particular dinner you're referencing is one Azriel was in attendance for. Elain is perceptive and if she knew that Azriel was uncomfortable around her and usually avoided dinners because of it, then she may have made up an excuse to leave the dinner table earlier than the others because of it. If I knew someone was uncomfortable in my presence and it prevented them from spending time with their friends (especially because her sister was getting ready to leave the table which may have been one of the only reasons she stayed in the first place), I'd probably excuse myself too. Truthfully, I'd be surprised if Elain wanted to be human at this point. I don't think she's fully healed from everything that happened but she has made progress and I don't think a big part of her story would revolve around her going backwards especially when there's nothing left for her to go back to. Her father was killed, Graysen fully rejected her and I don't think she'd have hope he'd reconsider, and she now has a nephew in her life. I don't think she's completely happy in the Night Court but I do think she's found enough to want to keep her immortality. Elain sort of grows where she's planted and while I think she's going to learn to fight for more in her book, I don't think she'd do a complete 180 and decide she's so miserable with her current life, she'd align with someone canonically evil that she knows kidnapped other females just to get what she wants. That sort of goes against Elain trying to make the best of every situation which we've seen evidence of. I think she is sort of happy right now but could end up being really happy when she finds the place she's meant to be but I don't think she'd be the kind of character who would be destructive in her efforts to get there. As far as Elucien plots, there are pretty major hints that Elain and Lucien will play large roles in getting Spring back on it's feet as well as their visiting the continent where Koschei is and finding where he keeps his soul. We know Vassa's freedom is coming to an end and since they're both connected to her, it lines up. Not to mention they both have undiscovered powers (I think she's a healer of some sort) and Lucien will have the Helion reveal. Maybe SJM does have something else in store for them, those are just the things I picked up on throughout the series.

#elucien #pro elain archeron #pro lucien vanserra #pro elucien

[geraniums-red]

900 days of Duolingo

I've made it to 900 days of Duolingo.  I'm continuing my loop of doing one language each day (French-Japanese-Welsh), as it seems to be working pretty well for me.  It probably slows my progress down compared with focusing on just one language, but if I wanted to optimise my language learning I'd probably be doing language lessons rather than just Duolingo.  

Duolingo have finally fixed the error that was giving me stuck mistakes on French and Welsh.  However, they've broken (I really hope it's a bug and not an intentional change) English input for all languages, so I have to pick words off a pick list rather than typing my answer in.  This makes my overall experience much worse.  In French and Welsh, I can at least type the first few words of the word, but it forces me to focus on wrangling the UI rather than on what the translation actually means.  In Japanese I can't even do that, but have to use the mouse.  Given that I specifically use Duolingo desktop so that I can type my answers in (just pressing buttons rather than typing means I don't learn anything), I'm pretty annoyed about this change.  At least it's only for translations to English - if it was translations from English, I think that would lead to me dropping Duolingo altogether.  

They also haven't done anything to replace the information in the teaching notes or forums.  Welsh is particularly bad, as pre-UI change there was detailed information on grammar as part of the course, and it’s just been wiped out and replaced with some not very useful examples.  French has some teaching material, but it never seems to answer the questions I have.  Anyway, you can learn about masculine and feminine versions of Welsh numbers here, and the order in which you should put indirect object pronouns in French here. Just don’t expect Duolingo to be helpful for that stuff. 

French

At 800 days I was doing some revision of earlier units, and was having to scroll back to unit 40.  I finished that block of sections, and am now on unit 58.  This is still not quite where Duolingo thinks I’m supposed to be (unit 62), but the end is in sight and I don’t have to scroll so far.  It’s harder work than the stuff in unit 40, but much better than it was the first time round as I’ve now got a firmer grasp of the basics. 

Japanese

At 800 days I was revising the material in units 10-14.  I’m now working on unit 18.  It thinks it should be on unit 20, which seems pretty close, except I’m taking a long time to get to grips with each new set of words.  I told a friend that the main thing Duolingo Japanese was teaching me was humility, and they replied that that was very Japanese of it, so there is that, I suppose.  I am making progress, it’s just very slow. 

Welsh

At 800 days I was on unit 7 in Welsh, and now I’m on unit 9.  Which I guess is not super fast progress, but I’m ambling along quite contentedly.  Because I’m up with where it thinks I should be, I can use the sessions in the Practice section, such as Target Practice and Listening, which are pretty good for consolidation, so I’m hopeful I won’t have to go back and revisit earlier units in the same way I’ve been doing for French and Japanese. 

My main complaint about Welsh is that the Guidebook sections are completely useless (as discussed above).  I’m particularly bitter about this, because before the UI upgrade they had some unusually good course notes, and they seem to have brought Welsh into line with the other languages by getting rid of them entirely. 

#duolingo #welsh #japanese #french

[goodthoughts001]

RAKING it in ! Not yet but it's coming to a table near you. Online Casino Malaysia

Quick update on my break from Online Casino Malaysia. I'm back playing intermittently and really find that I’ve improved as a player in every aspect. Tilt still exists within and can do it's devilish damage but it's under control, hand reading skills have improved 10 fold and my luck is probably above average at the minute.

Mmm keep looking at the £25/50 10 seated NL on betfair it looks soooo juicy, however the odd multi and no more than 3 x 6-pacs a day for the moment. I say no more than 3 because I tend to find that more than 2hrs is too much at the poker table when focussing on a game. Multi’s I tend to not take notice too much of the table before the 1st couple of hours and music, TV etc are all good distractions.

At the minute Strictly (NO CASH) poker although I’m like an addict that thinks hey I’m clean I could play a bit of cash now I know I’m not ready yet; still e few creases to iron out. Losing 19k in a short period of time is a pisser but the manner in which it is lost is where I have learned a few things. Firstly, and undeniably even in the cold light of day I was on a miserable run of bad luck and bad cards (fact). However, secondly as a result I was not playing appropriate poker and one hand springs to mind which was the pinnacle of my tilty crap play.

Quick reflection coming:

I had witnessed dozens of premiums being busted and was pretty pissed to say the least, not alcohol BTW just playing pissed off (not good). I’m playing the 10/20 NL 10 seated cash and winning about £1500 so I have with my buy-in £3500 on the table and in late position I get dealt AA. Yes the best preflop starting hand possible, I remember when I got it thinking ooooh dear, anyway everyone folds round to ‘Rhaegar’ a Rock/solid player who frequents the Crypto tables who raises 4 x BB to £80. I feel I have to name the player here so that anyone who knows him will know what a Muppet play I made here. I smooth call and no other takers, see a flop 6 7 J Rhaegar bets £120 and I’m not messing here I re-raise to £240 to see where I am LOL. Rhaegar re-raises to £800 and I think SET SET SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET and proceed to re-raise all-in for all my stack – my AA will not be beat, it cant be beat, it’s lost too many times! Rhaegar calls with 6 7 and his 2 pair stand up as quick as I stand up to bang my head against the wall.

What have I learned from this and all the bad beats, A LOT. A lot about me in particular and a lot about poker which won’t be much to most but to me is a lot. I learned that OK I suffered terrible bad luck on occasion but had I not tilted the money I saved could have helped me earn it back. I lost 3k I didn’t need to here which is 1.5 buyin’s on 10/20 and if I add it all up I could have probably played through the bad run and came out on top like the top players do. Just an insight to my thinking here since having time out but obviously I could write forever with the amount of thinking I’ve been doing.

Back to now:

This blog has been a real reflection of my poker playing career and being able to look back on previous posts is a real eye opener and insight into the sometimes crazy view I have of events, especially when I was in 'Zombie' mode. In 'Zombie' mode I didn’t think it was tilt, it was everything else in my life the girlfriend, Kids, Dog, someone phoning me whilst in the middle of an important pots everyone but me basically. Playing like a twat was easy, it came natural. I looked for any reason I could to call instead of considering the opposite and well played like a twat. Also, I took the game serious and didn’t like the view one bit TY.

The only reason I have played the last couple of weeks is that a friend told me to check my account I may have some rake back and when I looked I had been credited with £300 so I though Ok I’ll have a dabble like the old days ‘bit of fun’ play. The account now has £3575 in it and I think Toshiwonka is back looking for some scalps!!!

The racehorse I bought MrToshiwonka 2yr old is doing really well and we have entered him for the £200,000 Super sprint @ Newbury in July so fingers crossed I’ll be in the winners enclosure with a bottle of the finest.

Good luck as always to anyone reading and be disciplined! LOOOOL

I would recommend a break to anyone feeling like the games against them it works wonders. I’ve lost a stone of poker weight as well. Only another 4 to go.

[skinnidreamss]

Day 26: 650 calories

Food log:

skip

TOTAL EATEN: one billion

Exercise: none

Under budget:  ❌

Days since last binge: 0

Current weight : didn’t weigh (last time: 82.5 kg)

Starting weight:  88.9 kg

Kg lost since beginning: 6.4 kg

Diary:

I binged, I binged, I fucking binged. I ate like 600 calories and I was like ok, I can eat 50 more, great. So I went to the kitchen and I ate a little bit and then I ate a ton more and ended up at 869 calories and I thought that it was ok bcs I could just substract it from tomorrow, since it’s 750. BUT NO. I just had to go back and stuff my face. And then my parents ordered takeout and asked me if I wanted to eat anything and my brain told me to say no, but I still said yes. Did I order a salad or at least something kinda healthy? No, of course not! I ordered a fucking quesadilla. Funny thing, my mom told me she was disappointed in me when she heard that. It was in a kinda jokey way, but it was still said with a sort of seriousness that made me feel sick. Sick enough to not eat it when it arrived? No way! Not a fucking chance! I stuffed it all in my mouth, sauces and all. And then I made myself tea with a ton of sugar, because at this point why not?

The total is probably like 2000 calories, maybe even more. I feel sick.

I was doing so well. It had been almost two weeks since my last binge. I was starting to feel really good about myself. Even if I fast all day tomorrow, which I don’t have the strength to do, I can’t even exercise these days. I don’t even know if it’s because I am actually too tired or just because I am a lazy piece of shit.

Nobody loves me. Nobody wants me. I hate myself. I hate that I have to live with myself, I hate that I have too look at myself in the mirror every day. I hate that when I walk down the street and down the halls at school, people just see a fat piece of shit and they hate me instantly because of it. I hate that it’s so hard to be pretty. So exhausting. How am I going to do this? What am I doing here? Am I kidding myself again? Am I going to gain everything back? 

No. No

No

I already have the ugliest stretch marks from my last binge cycle. I can’t gain. This was just one bad day. A bad day after TWO WHOLE WEEKS of doing so well. It doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t fucking matter. I am good. I am strong. This is just one setback. I’ll get better. This will make me stronger.

In hindsight, I know why this happened. I ate too much yeasterday and when I wasn’t as full today, I felt the need to eat more. But it won’t happen again. I’ve learned my lesson. I also obsessed over weight loss a bit too much since I found out that I can lose as much as I want in a shrter period of time than I thought. But the truth is that I don’t think that I should only have 600 calories a day just yet. I am still going to finish the purple skinny diet, but after that, I might not do the sweater weather diet immediately (lol, it won’t even be sweater weather anymore by the time I decide to do that diet). I wanna stay at 800-900 for a week, because as much as I wanna do 600, I feel like I am prone to binging right now and I’d rather just lose weight at a slower rate. Anyway, I’m really tired now and I have to get up early tomorrow so my rant/cool off from rant is over.

[rigelmejo]

I am doing so much this month I’m losing track so like. April’s goals met post will be a mess.

Did 4.5 chapters listening reading method of MoDu, 1 full audio file.

Listened to DeFrancis Chinese Reader audio 1

Listened to Français Par Le Méthode Nature 4 chapters (doing that today so likely to increase, it’s freaking great listening practice for me and Also completely comprehensible and Also a great refresher... genuinely if you never saw the book, and are learning French, Italian, Latin, I love them so much you might wanna check em out if you learn best like me which is just In the language with context teaching new things in small comprehensible ways over time, and massive amounts of content. The nature method books teach this way, and how it’s pretty much my favorite way to learn - Learn Korean in Korean YouTube also teaches like this, Alice Ayel, French Comprehensible input YouTube etc. I love that this book has audio now I am truly so happy about it ToT that’s what I am always missing in French most - decent listening skills.

Watched ep 1 Merlin in French since apparently Merlin has a dub I found?

FINISHED LLJ 4 part 1!!!! Huge deal to me!!! I am officially farther in Japanese then I was years ago last time I studied. I’m also 400 words through LLJ 5. (My goal now is try to complete LLJ 5, and LLJ 4 Part 2 courses. Also for now I am just doing the grammar LLJ 4 part 2 without actually reading tae kims grammar guide - both because I could not get Myself to read it, and I think puzzling out what the grammar means when I see it in the memrise deck helps me actually understand it).

Read (and transcribed into actual Japanese) 1/4 of Japanese in 30 Lessons. (It’s been fun practicing writing, refreshed kana for me, helped me remember kanji for some words, and been good grammar reference tbh... not only is it a refresher but I actually find it makes more sense to me with its explanations than tae kim grammar guide does sometimes).

Listened to ep 1 season 1 of 天涯客 audio drama! Which is pretty fine to follow if you know the plot! I listened to it maybe 5 months ago and understood a lot more this time! Also this time I realized the audiodrama HAS SUBTITLES in chinese. So like i could maybe watch once with them and once without? I wasn’t listening while looking, so I didn’t realize they were there. But once I noticed them, they’d be super helpful for me learning some word pronunciations better for words I know when reading but not very well when listening.

#april #April progress #also like I mentioned I’ve read over half of the little prince #so I’ll probably finish that this week #and I read 1/3 of the xiao mao cat book I’m reading that has 20 chapters (I think I read 7 so far) #I also plan to try watching another Japanese thing #and I will maybe try playing in Japanese #when I have 500 word #I think I’ve probably learned at least 800 by now? but I could always use more lol

[sendme-2hell]

Rating the Books I read after Gideon the Ninth (in order) by how well they made me forget my Gideon the Ninth angst

I starred the ones that I actually recommend if you want something similar to gtn.

I was bored so I made this. Mostly just so I can look back at this and laugh at myself in a few months and remember what I’ve read. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -

**Harrow the Ninth -Tamsyn Muir 

Summary: A depressed girl has to navigate murder attempts by both the mom and the dad of her dead ex-girlfriend who she can’t remember. She tries to make soup and writes fanfic to cope. 

How well it helped me forget: -100/10 but also 10/10 

Rating explanation: This one gets a 10/10 because it did make me feel better about a *particular* GTN plotpoint which I was very angsty about, but tragically it did make me more feral. After reading it I reread both books so I don’t think it helped me forget my angst. 

Similar themes to GTN: all of it, plus more memes 

I Want to Be Where The Normal People Are - Rachel Bloom 

Summary: Rachel Bloom who wrote the world’s most relatable song: “You Stupid Bitch,” and starred/created in Crazy Ex Girlfriend, writes about having anxiety, feeling like she’s not normal, and Harry Potter fanfic.

How well it helped me forget: 8/10

Rating explanation: For a few minutes I actually did forget about my griddlehark angst while I learned more about Bloom’s life and laughed at the painful relatability of it all. 

Similar themes to TLT: ummm depression, feeling very out of place, memes

Fingersmith - Sarah Waters

Summary: The book The Handmaiden was based on. A girl is sent to become a Lady’s handmaiden to con her out of some money. She falls in love. Many plot twists. 

How well it helped me forget: 5/10

Rating explanation: I was sadly still thinking about TLT the whole time I read this. I liked it but I actually like the Handmaiden better because the women spend more time together. Like in this book, I wish that Harrow and Gideon could spend more time together. 

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, at some point you realize the main character’s love interest understands what’s going on way more than the main character

Kindred - Octavia Butler 

Summary: Very dark book about slave narratives. I cannot make a joke here, but this book is excellent. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10 

Rating explanation: Again, I can’t make a joke. But Octavia Butler is amazing. 

Ash - Malinda Lo 

Summary: A wlw retelling of Cinderella with fairies and an emphasis on stories 

How well it helped me forget:7/10

Rating explanation: This was really quick and fun and I definitely was rooting for the lesbians. Also it was nice it had a happy ending! If you liked Crier’s War (which I did), this was clearly an influence for Nina Varela. 

Similar themes: wlw, the magic one + the fighting one dynamic

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel

Summary: A deadly pandemic wipes out so many people that the world spins into chaos and no one can figure out how to use electricity apparently? But the book is really about fame and wanting to be remembered. Go figure.

How well it helped me forget: -10/10 

Rating explanation: Ok that’s not fair. It helped me forget about Gideon and Harrow but it did NOT help me forget about Corona. It was technically good and a lot of people I respect love it, but either because I was still thinking about TLT or because it was about a pandemic, I couldn’t really enjoy it. 

Similar themes: post-apocalyptic 

Red, White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston 

Summary: The Prince of England and The son of the president of the US are enemies. They are definitely enemies.

How well it helped me forget: 6/10

Rating explanation: This was such a fun read that it almost distracted me! Tragically I was in such TLT headspace that I kept pausing to read fanfics where Gideon and Harrow switch eyes. 

Similar themes: Enemies to lovers, queer

Troubling Love - Elena Ferrante 

Summary: In true Elena Ferrante fashion, an event spurs an Italian woman to do a lot of internal processing and have some flashbacks. 

How well it helped me forget: 7/10

Rating explanation: This book was a bit disturbing so it distracted me in that way. Plus I love Elena Ferrante’s writing so much that it felt like coming home to an old friend. Unfortunately for me, this is Elena Ferrante’s least queer book. I know because I have now read them all. Her most queer book, The Lying Life of Adults, would have distracted me better. Also just using this space to tell anyone who’s still reading this (probably no one) to go read My Brilliant Friend (and the corresponding Neopolitan Novels). They are not similar to TLT except they are vaguely queer and about competitive friendships where the girls are obsessed with each other in maybe an unhealthy way. Ok so a bit similar. Genuinely my favorite books ever. 

Similar themes: mommy issues, daddy issues, childhood trauma

On This Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous -Ocean Vuong

Summary: A Vietnamese immigrant reflects on his mother, grandmother, and his own life experience in the US. It is poetic and beautiful and will make you cry. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This book is beautiful. It really changes how you think about the US. Plus really interesting stuff about the western way of telling stories. Cannot recommend it enough, though very little to do with TLT. 

Similar themes: queer, stuff about language, childhood trauma, you will cry

**The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon 

Summary: OK sorry none of those were good suggestions for what to read after GTN. THIS is what you should read after GTN. It is an incredibly slow burn wlw enemies to lovers. There are dragons, there is magic, there are very cool female characters who I am in love with. This is like Game of Thrones but if it was good, queer, and only one 800 page book. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Enemies to lovers!!!! What more do I have to say? Also very cool world-building, interesting religious themes. 

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, religious themes, magic, very old wizard milfs, also mlm

*The Traitor Baru Cormorant 

Summary: Baru is a very smart girl in a colonized island. She decides she will play the game of the colonizers, rise up in their society, and destroy them from within. How is that going, Baru? 

How well it helped me forget: 100/10

Rating explanation: This DID make me forget TLT. The only book to truly make me. It made me forget so badly that I wanted my Griddlehark angst BACK. GIVE ME IT BACK I don’t wanna feel sad about Baru anymore. I cannot recommend it more, it is so good, but it did make me ugly cry. It also made me majorly depressed about colonization and the state of the world. 

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, ending will make you cry

*The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson 

Summary: Baru is depressed, has brain damage, throws up a lot, is sad about (redacted), does some things without remembering them because there’s something going on in her brain. Sound familiar? It’s kinda like Harrow the Ninth but more depressing. Oh also a lot of new characters are introduced, old characters come back, a lot of setup for the next book. Euler’s identity shows up out of nowhere?! 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Again, it made me forget but only because I was so engrossed in this story. Also kinda depressed. This book is kinda depressing. But Baru is very fun to be around, and there are some other great characters. Marry me, Yawa. 

Similar themes: again, this is just harrow the ninth on steroids, I am in love with every single woman in this series

*The Tyrant Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson 

Summary: Baru makes a new bestie, reunites with an old bestie, and discovers a dead bestie in her brain!

How well it helped me forget: 1000/10

Rating explanation: I loved this book. There were a few scenes I reread >four times. This book makes the other books in the series worth it. 

Similar themes: please see my venn diagram comparing tlt, baru, and A memory called empire for more information

*The Ninth House - Leigh Bardugo 

Summary: A girl has seen ghosts her whole life and because of that, gets accepted at Yale even though she didn’t finish high school. Yale is like a hotspot for ghosts I guess. It’s dark academia, the girl has a secret, the narrator is pretty funny.

How well it helped me forget: 6/10

Rating explanation: I was trying to get distracted from TLT (and Baru at this point), but it’s hard to forget about Harrow and Gideon in a book called The Ninth House (hello?). It was enjoyable and there was some good humor. I’m curious about the next book in the series when it comes out. It is not wlw unless you squint (which I do). 

Similar themes: debatably wlw body posession, nine houses, the ninth one being important, nerd boy who reminds me of pal, woman is revealed to be MUCH older than I originally thought, soul eating, revenants, tombs, necromancy, character named Mercy

The Bone Season - Samantha Shannon 

Summary: It’s the future and London is a hotspot for clairvoyants. Paige is a woman who has a special gift and can jump into people’s bodies and possess them briefly (among other things, this is a terrible explanation). Because of this, she is sent to a secret part of the city where clairvoyants are trained to be monster fighters (but also like, kept there in captivity against their will). Unlike every other book on this list I honestly wouldn’t recommend. I know there are other books in the series. If you’ve read on and it gets better let me know. (I know no one has gotten this far reading this but still)

How well it helped me forget: 4/10

Rating explanation: This one was disappointing because I loved Priory of the Orange Tree so much. This book did not distract me from my griddlehark or barhu feels. There’s also a character named Warden so I thought about SexPal a lot. 

Similar themes: enemies to lovers, ghosts, possession, queer but only background characters 

****The Unspoken Name - A.K. Larkwood 

Summary: A girl is in an isolated cult that wants her to die as a sacrifice (sound familiar?). A definitely not evil wizard helps her escape. She meets a cute necromancer who’s also kinda from a cult. She goes on some gay adventures, gets the help of a morally grey older necromancer (who I’m in love with), and fights with her frenemy. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This is the most similar to TLT on this list. Gideon and Csorwe would be friends. Seriously I recommend this! And the second book comes out soon! And it’s not sad like TLT or Baru! 

Similar themes: sword lesbian + necromancer dynamic, wlw enemies to lovers, cults, tombs, necromancy, character named “the sleeper”, also mlm

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue - V. E. Schwab 

Summary: Adeline Larue made a deal with a demon in 1714 France, because she wanted to see the world and stuff. It backfires of course. She is immortal but no one remembers her. This causes all sorts of problems and makes her very angsty. The narrative flashes between her going through the years, and her falling in love with the only person who will remember her. 

How well it helped me forget: 2/10

Rating explanation: I know people loved this book but I did not. I liked the last 50 pages, I’ll give it that. I wish it was more queer (it was a little queer). 

Similar themes: as I said, a little wlw, immortality, demons, I guess falling in love with someone and them not remembering you now that I think about it 

Sula - Toni Morrison 

Summary: A story about two black women in the 1920’s-1960’s in an Ohio town. It is really great and interesting. It is a book about complicated female friendships (among so many other things that better writers not writing a list no one will read about their TLT feels have outlined) which I love. I was told I should read this after the Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante and it did not disappoint. Same vibes. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: This was just a great book. Has really nothing to do with TLT

Similar themes: debatably queer 

*Murderbot Diaries: All Systems Red, Artificial Condition, Rogue Protocol, Exit Strategy, Network Effect,  - Martha Wells

Summary: Muderbot is an artificial construct who just wants to be left alone to watch tv, damnit! It doesn’t want to interact with humans, and it definitely does not want to talk about feelings. Too bad some humans want to become friends with it.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: These books were so good. They did help me forget! The books are really about having anxiety, making friends, and letting yourself have feelings. Also they are SO FUNNY. Highly recommend. In the way that I love Gideon’s POV, I love Murderbot’s POV

Similar themes: funny narrator, queer characters, space, people who don’t want to deal with their feelings being forced to deal with their feelings

*A Memory Called Empire - Arkady Martine 

Summary: Mahit is sent a dangerous, evil empire to be an ambassador. Lots of beautiful writing about colonialism, assimilation, language, and culture.There is gay angst and funny characters. I am once again in love with a morally grey older woman character. 

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: Yes this book is great and did distract me from gtn (mostly. I did end up reading a great fanfic about wake, g1deon, and pyrrah in the middle but otherwise...). It is part of my holy trilogy of wlw books (this, baru, tlt) that I just read recently. The next book comes out on March 2nd so it will be a good distraction from waiting for Alecto. Like Baru, it made me feel like shit about colonialism but unlike the other two books in my trilogy (redacted but if you’ve read those books you know) didn’t happen. It had a not too sad ending. 

Similar themes: see my venn diagram, but seriously what is going on with brain surgery in these books...

*The Luminous Dead - Cailtin Starling 9/10

Summary: A woman needs money and to get the money she goes on a risky cave dive. It turns out the only contact she has with the rest of the world is a woman who’s kinda a dick. It’s 400 pages of creepy cave diving and these two women talking to each other. It’s creepy and uncomfortable and I loved it. I did spend the whole book thinking it would be such a good story podcast.

How well it helped me forget: 10/10

Rating explanation: It did make me forget about tlt! There are some kinda boring parts but it pays off. The relationship between the two main characters is very interesting (though a bit fucked up). 

Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, traumatised characters, shitty moms

#book recs #harrow the ninth #gideon the ninth #tlt #the locked tomb trilogy #fingersmith #the priory of the orange tree #the traitor baru cormorant #Baru cormorant #the monster baru cormorant #the tyrant baru cormorant #the murderbot diaries #murderbot #the ninth house #both ninth houses tbh #the unspoken name #a memory called empire #the luminous dead #no one will read this but it is for me! #my rankings

[dollsonmain]

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things since yesterday or the day before (time is numbers).

Probably going to get long, then.

So @maleficentmrsofallevil gave me a lot of information and resources I didn’t know about and that’s great, thank you very much.

At the same time I had to admit that I am a coward and I’m so very afraid of making things worse that I likely wouldn’t use those resources, or at least not now.

Regarding SSI, I almost have enough in the bank to disqualify me already.

I don’t think she was here when I was talking more publicly about what’s going on in the house two Novembers ago, but my goal right now is to get as much money as I can without rocking the boat to the extent that That Guy makes me leave (which he can because he is the sole owner of our home), leaving Son without an admittedly weak advocate. I don’t have the strength to speak up nearly as often as I should, I generally freeze when he starts in on it, but I have managed to break through the anxiety and protect Son on occasions when That Guy has gotten out of hand. I can separate them before screaming escalates any further, though I do hate that I can’t intervene sooner.

It’s PTSD; I got beaten a lot as a kid for having an opinion or speaking up for myself. I’m working on it, though working on it alone in an unsafe environment is slow to no progress.

So resources that should make things better but could potentially make things worse (like cluing That Guy in to the fact that I’m doing anything at all) I am wary of using until Son is old enough that That Guy can’t legally control him anymore, and hopefully Son will also be able to move out and live independently or with peers that will treat him better.

At that point I’ll be a lot more free to make a move. Will I be ready or confident? Doubtful. But collateral damage will be greatly reduced.

-

I also had to admit that, for example in a medical setting, I literally need someone else to speak for me so I don’t even look into things like civilian disability or trying to get my rate adjusted at the VA and I hate that very, very much.

-

I’ve also been thinking about the hefty tax break That Guy gets for claiming me as a dependent. I had no idea it was that much.

Thinking about how much I cost him, I doubt it’s anywhere near $20k-ish/year. Probably somewhere around $800/mo on average if I factor in things like toys, food, electricity that I use while I’m home all day. Not factoring in household supplies like the outlet spacers because those aren’t for ME, they’re for his house, which I do not co-own. Spending $20 on outlet spacers saves him a fuckton of money on having to call an electrician or handyman to fix the outlets for him.

My handiness saves him a ton of money and he has no idea.

Or maybe he does.

But I don’t cost nearly as much as any other housewife in the area. I don’t do the things they do like weekly mani-pedi, monthly salon visits, girls nights out, big shopping trips, rotating home decor, I don’t go to any doctors or the dentist unless it’s an emergency.

I grew up very poor. I’m used to going without.

But learning about the much larger than I expected tax break does help me understand better the haunted way he reacted to me saying I was selling enough ponies I might have to report taxes this year (thanks to the new preposterously low income limit) with not a “Congratulations!” or “That’s nice, good job.” or “Are you having a good time?” or even “Do I not give you enough?” but an “I might not be able to claim you as a dependent anymore.....” and constant prodding about how much, exactly, I’m earning.

Where at first I thought “He’s worried I’ll gain financial independence and leave him.” but now it’s more “...and leave him, losing him not only me but his bigass tax break.”

[possessivesuffix]

The Convenient Finity of Human Language

It's rather handy that human language, while seemingly large, always exists on a human scale.

the angle I am currently thinking is basically the old question: how many words does a language have? No precise answer can be given for this (there probably is an answer ultimately, if we define the terms clearly enough, but the answer will be speaker-dependent and probably also changes faster than we could count it), but it very much does have an answer in order-of-magnitude

documenting, transcribing and lightly analyzing let's say 2 000 basic root words as typical for an agglutinating language is doable by one person in a week or two; this is a regular part of my work as a comparative linguist

doing the same for 18 000 more technical terms, common derivatives etc. is just more of the same for 10–20 workweeks = some months

doing the same for 180 000 more compound words, less used derivatives, small-circle slang etc. is still more of the same for a couple of years (if we assume the data is already available); could be faster than that with improved workflow even, I know I've myself gone over the entirety of the Standard Modern Finnish Wordlist which has 94110 items a couple of times for various purposes

doing the same for 1 800 000 more lexemes, e.g. going over every scrap of a major language, is still in principle doable by one person over a couple of decades; though usually a team of people would be a better fit for this

doing the same for 18 000 000 more lexemes to analyze e.g. a mid-sized language family in its entirety is again doable, but now needs the work of preferrably at least triple-digit number of researchers, probably partly independent, working in a common field of inquiry

and ultimately there's a couple billion of humans out there; even if linguists or lexicographers are one in a hundred thousand = some tens of thousands worldwide, collectively we could in the end still work even on lexical corpora that likewise number billions of things

upgrade things further to corpus analysis of the trillions of sentences available to us in digital form today, and we'd have to start using computational preanalysis methods to achieve much of anything over the entirety of the data; but with tools, this also remains in principle analyzable

— but if we consider the concept of a human-like language, just with ten quintillion lexemes, a few sextillion idioms, sixty trillion phonemes and a median sentence length of two hundred Earth years (perhaps spoken by some sort of an alien species that lives tens of millions years)? yeah no, that language would not be learned, let alone analyzed, by any human or projected-to-exist group of humans ever

"a few sextillion" is also still pretty small, all things considered; it holds no candle to the famous googol or googolplex or any other purposefully giant numbers that (mostly recreational) mathematicians have come up with ("Almost all natural numbers are very, very, very large")

… and incidentally, this is why anyone tries to tell you anything to the effect of "natural language is an infinite set of sentences" (not merely something like "can be modelled as an infinite set for specific simplicity reasons X Y and Z") is an idiot who doesn't understand what "infinity" means

#linguistics #lexicography #mathematics

[daadddysprincessss]

(REPOST FROM MY OLD ACCOUNT)

We aren’t even related

paring: Jim Mason x reader

Summary: step siblings are not blood related - Your dad had been dating Sandy Mason for over a year now, and they had both agreed to move in together(unfortunately they chose your dad’s house), Sandy had 2 kids of her own, Medina and Jim - they were twins, but 2 very different people. You could admit you did have a small crush on Jim when you saw him at school, but so did every other girl, and now that the both of you would basically be step siblings you would never have a chance now. // 3.7k words, part one

Warnings: step siblings are not blood related, harmless flirting

tagging: taglist: @ghostiesbedroom @lovelylangdonx @queencocoakimmie@langdonsinferno @peachesandfern @gold-dragon-slayer @charlottelouise135 @hplotrfan @rosegoldrichie @taryn-just-happened@little-grunge-flowerz @ccodyfern @1-800-bitchcraft @langdonsoceaneyes @sojourne @starwlkers @bellejeunefillesansmerci @chicaluna2410 @crazycatchloe (hope its okay if i tagged you)

Today was one of the worst days of your life, your dad’s girlfriend was moving in with her 2 kids - you either had to move your room to the basement of share with her daughter, you quickly opted out of sharing with a complete stranger. After you settled into the basement room you came upstairs and awaited the Masons arrival with your dad - he looked so happy, you couldn’t remember the last time you had seen him happy -

“Nervous?” you tilted your head and looked up at your dad

He continued to bounce his leg up and down - “a little” he smiled at you

“Don’t be, it’s gonna be amazing” you gave him a weak smile, trying to hide the annoyance in your voice - the only highlight of the day was staying home from classes, it seemed odd for someone to move in on a thursday but whatever - it kept you out of class.

The both of you had waited till 10:30 when your dad quickly jumped up when he heard the soft knock on the door - “hi Sandy” he smiled as he opened the door for her

You stood back as Sandy walked into your home - she gave you a weak smile - “Kids, come on in” she yelled

You placed your hands behind your back and fiddled with your fingers as you waited for them to walk in - you’ve seen them around the school before and never really talked to them so this was definitely going to be a big change - both Medina and Jim walked in, Medina smiled at you, and Jim didn’t even look up from his phone.

“Hey y/n” Medina smiled

“Hi Medina, Hi Jim” you said as politely as possible

“Hi” Jim’s voice was deep - he didn’t even look up from his phone

You rolled your eyes at him - Medina let out a little laugh, she noticed you roll your eyes -

Your dad walked in holding a few boxes labelled with JIMS ROOM “where should I put these”

“Whatever room I get I guess” his tone was rude

Your dad walked towards your old room placing them down

“If you want to follow me, I can show you guys your rooms” you walked towards Jim and Medina

“Yeah that would be cool” Medina smiled - she nudge Jim’s shoulder in hopes he wouldn’t be so rude but it clearly didn’t work

“Medina this is your room, im sorry its kinda small - it used to be my dads office” you turned to Medina

“It’s alright, there’s room for my bed, desk, and surfboard” Medina said with a shrug, she stepped into the room and walked towards the window. “it has a killer view - wow” she turned to look at you

“My dad said you love the ocean, so I made sure you’d get this room” you smiled at Medina - “Jim, your room is right over here” you turned to look at him

You walked towards your old room - “Jim this is you room, it uh used to be mine” your voice was monotoned

“Cool, so ill be sharing a room with you I take it” Jim raised his brow

Jim is one of the cutest guys at school, you knew you never had a chance with before - but now you really didn’t have a chance - “Uh no, my room has been moved to the basement” you said nervously

“Damn it would’ve been nice to share my room with a hottie like you” Jim smiled and walked into the room

You were a bit taken back by his confidence - a little bit of blush swept across your face from his weirdish compliment - you turned on your heels and walked back towards your dad and Sandy

“Thank you so much y/d/n” Sandy said as your dad carried in the last of the boxes - “JIM, MEDINA! Coming grab your boxes” Sandy yelled

The first thought that ran through your mind was ‘does she ever shut up’ like who yells that much for their kids

Medina was the first to come and grab her boxes, and than her surfboard. Jim came much later - as if he was preoccupied in his room - the first thing he grabbed was his surfboard(probably checking to make sure it wasn’t damaged) and than his boxes -

“The beds will be here later today - if that’s okay” your dad said nervously to Sandy

“I’m sure Jim and Medina won’t mind” she smiled

You went downstairs to your room, and flopped down onto your bed - you pulled out your phone and clicked the group chat labels ‘baddies’ - ‘well they are moved in now :/‘ you sent to the chat

‘Ooo at least you have that hottie to stare at!! ;)’ Heather texted

Heather wasn’t wrong Jim was the schools biggest eye candy, to us girls he was like a shiny new toy - of course you wanted to play with him but now that he’s technically your step-brother you can’t even touch him -

you tossed your phone aside to try and clear your mind “I can’t think of him like that anymore” you whispered to yourself - you looked up at the ceiling above you, you were directly under Jim’s room, you could hear him walking around above you - you even heard your window slide open a few times, probably testing if it will be quiet enough to sneak out (which it was). You turned your head to the side and looked at your new windows, they were big enough to get out of but a little high to reach, you quickly got out of bed and moved your nightstand under your window so you could still sneak out whenever - or so your friends/boys could sneak in without making a sound.

You laid back onto you bed - *ding* your phone buzzed on the other side of your bed *ding*

“Fuck who is it” you sat up reaching for your phone -

‘Bay party tmrw nite - u in?’ Heather texted

‘If ur cuming to the party wear something sexy - gotta impress the boys’ Amber texted

You rolled your eyes and laughed - ‘only if you were something cute with me;)’ you replied to Amber

‘Yeah i'll pick up Ambs and Vana’ you texted back to Heather - “fuck shes so annoying” you tossed your phone aside again - you turned to your side and started to doze off slightly until you heard a light knock at your door - “come in” your voice was soft

The door slowly opened “I was wondering if you wanted these back” Jim’s voice appeared from the doorway - he was holding up a lighter and incense

“Uh yeah! Thanks” you quickly walked towards him grabbing the items

“The best way to cover up the scent of pot is the smell of glass cleaner” Jim laughed - he knew exactly why you had incense

You smiled awkwardly “thanks” -

Jim pulled out a joint from his pocket - “wanna smoke up before dinner?” He smiled

Jim never talked to you - he actually labelled you a ‘snob’ for not showing up at bay boy parties often, so what was the change of heart here - “uh sure, why not?” You said softly - you flicked the lighter on and lit the incense -

The soft smell of lavender filled your room as Jim lit the joint - he inhales deeply, holding it for a moment - the smoke ghosted form his lips, he held the joint up for you. You took the joint and inhaled deeper than Jim(trying to show off) you held it in - when you parted your mouth to blow out the smallest bit of smoke came out - which made you smile.

“Wanna sit?” You tilted your head as you inhaled again

Jim nodded and took a seat on the end of your bed, you joined him on your bed, sitting with your back to your pillows - you leaned over(practically on your knees) to hand him the joint - Jim took the joint and smoked it

“I never would’ve thought a girl like you was into this sort of stuff” Jim laughed

“Into what? Smoking? Pv can be boring when there’s no parties, you have to find your own fun, you’ll quickly learn about me Jim” you smiled at him - you both were getting along, it felt slightly weird

“And what other things do you like to do for fun y/n” Jim’s voice was a bit higher as he held the smoke in

“Sometimes you can go whale watching, party at the bay, sometimes my friends and I go down to the train tracks and drink mindlessly - sometimes I go down there with guys” your eyes went wide realizing you overshared -

“Go on - im interested in what else you do at the tracks” Jim’s voice was low and raspy

You gave a weak smile as you reached over to grab the joint from Jim - you nearly fell face first onto his lap, but you quickly caught yourself before it could happen. Both of you started to laugh hard, “I’m so sorry” you took a deep inhale

“It all good babe” Jim laughed

You were a bit taken back by Jim calling you babe, like sure he probably called every girl babe but you never actually hung out with him - you took another deep inhaled before handing the joint back to Jim - you could feel your high kicking in, making you feel more relaxed. You watched Jim place the joint between his plump lips and inhale - god you wanted to kiss those lips - he parted his lips and exhaled the smoke softly, your eyes flickered up to his face - he was so fucking hot

“Y/N! JIM! Dinner is ready!” Your dad yelled from the top of the stairs - quickly getting you to focus

“Wait what time is it” you said softly as you grabbed your phone, ‘6:45’ was across the top of your screen - “we’ve been down here for almost 3 hours??” You started to laugh

Jim bit his bottom lip and looked at you “it was the best 3 hours I’ve spent here so far” he stared at you for a moment - you could feel the tension building up between you

“JIMMY! Y/N!” Sandy yelled

You both stood up together and walked towards the stairs to go up - Jim let you walk up first. When you came from behind the door the dinner table was set up with a nice dinner, there were 2 open spots next to each other - Jim and you had taken both those seats.

Dinner felt more full than normal, it wasn’t just you and your dad anymore - but it was a good feeling, you saw him laugh and smile a lot more than normal which warms your heart. After dinner you cleaned up the table with Sandy trying to get to know her more - she was a bit odd

“Thank you for dinner Sandy, it was delicious” you smiled as you load the dishwasher

“It was my pleasure - i'm glad you enjoyed it” Sandy smiled

You turned your head slightly and noticed Jim standing in the entrance of the kitchen gawking at you - you gave a playful smile and quickly stood up

“Hi” your voice was sweet

“H-hey” Jim stuttered out

“Do you need anymore help in the kitchen Sandy?” you turned your head to hide the blush sweeping across your face

“No dear, I got it from here” She smiled at you

Jim’s lips were pressed into a thin line - he parted his lips to say something but nothing came out

“Cat got your tongue” you teased - before Jim could say anything you walked towards the basement door, you went down into your room and threw yourself onto your bed - “why did I just do that” you raised your voice as you pushed your face into your pillows. Why were you being so flirty, you knew you couldn’t have him - you could feel your body tensing just thinking about him, your mouth started to water at the thought of kissing Jim’s plump lips, you could even imagine the of his ribs if he lied between my hips - your hand started to trail down your body, getting closer to the band of your leggings - *ding* you quickly removed your hand from almost entering your pants, you quickly sat up to see who messaged you -

‘Hey, I really enjoyed our smoke sesh. Maybe we can have another one soon;)’ Jim texted you

The first thought that ran through you head was ‘how did you get my number?’ -

‘Yeah, maybe tomorrow’ you texted back

‘Before the party ;)’ Jim texted back quickly

How did he know you were going? He never asked you - who told him? ‘Yeah sure, whatever works’ you texted back trying to sound cool

‘Sweet dreams ;)’ Jim texted back

You stared at your phone with a smile plastered across your face - “sweet dreams” you said softly out loud - you never texted him back that night. You laid back in your bed, you felt like you had a little school girl crush on Jim, but there was that little voice in the back of your head screaming at you ‘HE’S BASICALLY YOUR STEP BROTHER YOU CAN’T GO FOR IT’ - you closed your eyes to drown out the screaming in your head - after you closed your eyes you quickly fell asleep.

You woke up Friday morning to the smell of your dad’s world famous pancakes, you quickly jumped out of bed and threw and oversized shirt on, you ran up the stairs to see your dad humming as he was flipping some pancakes

“Good Morning sunshine” his voice was cheerful

“Good morning daddy” you smiled - you had forgotten what he looked like when he was this happy

“I made these ones special for you” your dad smiled and handed you a plate

When you took the plate you looked down to see mickey mouse shaped pancakes - “dad, you really didn’t have to” you smiled so hard your face started to hurt

“Think of it as a thank you” your dad pulled your head to his chest and kissed your forehead

You walked towards the kitchen table with your plate - you smiled at Medina who was eating her breakfast

“Morning” you spoke softly

“Morning y/n” she smiled

You placed your plate down and turned around to grab a drink - “Medina do you want anything to drink?”

“Yeah sure, I wasn’t sure where anything was” she laughed

You grabbed to fruit juices and walked back handing one to Medina, you both sat in silence, eating breakfast till Jim came out of his room - he stomped his way to the kitchen, his hair was a complete mess, dark circles under his eyes - almost like he didn’t sleep. He didn’t say a word to either of you, he grabbed a plate of food and sat next to you - he closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled deeply -

“Morning Jim” your voice was low

He turned to look at you, giving you a weak smile along with a nod - he acted as if you meant nothing to him..

You ate your breakfast in silence, after you were done you brought your plate to the sink. You looked at the clock to see if there was enough take to shower before class - which there was -

You walked towards the bathroom(since the basement bathroom was being worked on) -you grabbed a towel and set the water temperature, you tossed the oversized shirt aside and stepped into the shower, you put a little bit of shampoo in your hand and started to massage it into your scalp -

“Holy fuck” Jim’s voice was muffled

Your eyes widen and you quickly covered your breasts - “Jim what are you doing in here, don’t you knock” your voice was full of embarrassment

“I did” Jim blurted out as his eyes trailed down your body

“Jim get out” you pointed at the door

“Or I could just join you, save water right?” He laughed - Jim walked towards the shower

“Jim no” you turned the shower off - you really did want him to join

“You know you want me to” Jim winked

There was a knock at the door - “Jim? Y/n?” Medina’s voice came from behind the door

“Sorry medina I’m almost done my shower” your voice was shaky

“Oh sorry y/n” Medina’s voice was quiet

“Okay Jim when Medina walks away your out” you covered your breasts again

“Nice ass” he smirked

The corners of your lips started to curve from the compliment(kinda compliment) Jim gave you -

“I worked hard for it” you spoke with confidence

“I bet it would look nicer with a few hand prints” Jim teased

You were a bit taken back by his boldness, you tilted your head and raised a brow - “Yeah I bet it would” you smirked

You could see a bulge build in Jim’s pants - he looked down and back at you, pink blush crept across his face from embarrassment - “Medina’s gone - sorry for the blue balls” you smirked

You could admit telling Jim to go away instead of fucking you senseless hurt a little - you gave yourself blue balls too, you quickly showered and went to your room, you got dressed and brushed your hair out.

When you walked upstairs and headed towards the door you saw Jim and Medina grabbing their bikes to ride to school - “do you guys want a ride?” You asked

“If you don’t mind” Medina squinted her eyes from the sun as she looked at you

“Yeah - please” Jim said as he walked towards your car

You unlocked the doors and Jim got in the passenger seat of y/car, Medina got in the back seat

“Thanks again y/n” she spoke softly

You smiled at her through the rearview mirror - you just wished she wasn’t so shy with you

You plugged your phone in for music and started to drive towards school - you got to school within 15 minutes which was early for you.

“Do you guys want a ride home after class too?” You asked as you parked

“Please” Medina nodded - she quickly got out of the car and walked towards her friends

“Yeah” Jim nodded

You both got out of the car at the same time walk separate ways. Jim didn’t acknowledge you at school for the rest of the day, it annoyed you how different and unflirty he was with you.

After class when the last bell rang you went to your locker as normal, and put your stuff away- you texted Medina and Jim letting them know you’d be a few minutes. When Amber and Vana walked up to their lockers(right beside yours) they wanted to know everything

“So what’s it like living with the Masons?” Vana raised a brow

“It's only been a day” you laughed

“Ugh fuck talking about that - so for tonight what are you wearing?” Amber asked

“Probably shorts and a tank, how about you guys?” You said as you put your backpack on -

“Y/n you gotta show a little - I heard Alex likes you” Vana teased

“Oh yeah right - I have eyes for someone else” you laughed

“No y/n Vana’s right, Heather heard that Alex was gonna invite you over after the party” Amber was trying to be serious

“Don’t pull my leg” you laughed

Both girls looked at you with a straight face

“I’ll see you guys tonight, you'll both be at Ambs?” You said as you turned to walk away

“Yeah - see you later!” They both said in sync

You walked quickly down the hall in hopes not to see Heather or Alex - they really annoyed you.

When you got to your car Jim and Medina we’re both patiently waiting for you - “sorry guys, my friends just wanted to talk” you quickly unlocked the doors.

The car ride home was silent again, you were thankful you had music to play though - when you got home, your dads car wasn’t in the drive away and no sign of Sandy anywhere - you went down to your room and picked out your clothes for tonight - placing them on your bed neatly.

Jim came down and knocked on your open door “you told me to knock right” he smiled

“Hi” you said coldly not caring

“Smoke?” Jim questioned as he held up a joint

“Why not” you stood up from your vanity

Jim lit the joint and inhaled, he nodded his head as he exhaled “its good” he handed you the joint

You walked towards Jim, taking the joint - your fingers brushed against his - you inhaled deeply and tilted your head back as you blew out the smoke. Jim and you sat in your room smoking - something about being with him comforted you, this joint hit you harder and faster than last time, your head went fuzzy, and your palms went calmly-

“I don’t know if I ever told you, but your so fucking hot” Jim’s voice was low - his eyes were glossy

“Wait what?” You were caught off guard-

Jim leaned towards you - his lips ghosting over yours - he placed his forehead against yours. You tilted your head up slightly - your lips meeting his - kissing gently, Jim’s lips parted slightly biting at your bottom lip. Jim’s tongue swiped against your bottom lip begging for entrance - you parted your lips, kissing Jim with an open mouth, his tongue massages against your tongue, you let out small moan into Jim’s mouth -

Jim pulled back from the kiss, a small trail of saliva trailed from your lips, his eyes were hazy as he started back at you -

#jim mason #stepbro jim #jim mason x y/n #the tribes of palos verdes #cody fern #michael langdon x reader

[nyerus]

The Absolute Clownery....

Ya’ll so someone actually tried to plagiarize TGCF?!!?

Gonna try to keep this insanity short but OH my god. Some people (possibly young teenagers; no ages were given on any profiles, so just please keep that in mind) on Instagram started promoting a work of theirs called “The Third Ascension”... featuring main character Xue Yuan, a crown prince who ascended to godhood and then fell from grace over 800 years ago, and meets a ghost king by the name of Ze Cheng....

If you’re thinking “well golly that sounds a lot like something we know” YEAH SDLFKJSDLKFJSDLKFJSD

The “author” wholesale ripped of TGCF and changed Xie Lian + Hua Cheng’s names (AND ONLY THEIRS, BTW). I really hope no one bought the fake books off Rakuten’s Kobo (e-book) site. You can self-publish on there, and the “author” also spared no effort to make fake reviews. Well. Some effort was apparently spared because they were all made on the same day and clearly fake as hell.

And yeah, they did tag @/scholasticinc on instagram -- you know, the children’s books publisher, with titles like “Captain Underpants” and “Clifford the Big Red Dog.” Please just. Take a moment to imagine a world where Scholastic would publish a Chinese xianxia novel featuring horror, gore, violence, suicide, sexual content, and psychologically distressing material -- just to name a few things! BUT APPARENTLY, no need to worry about the gay stuff, because the “author” so generously made Hualian’s romance into a bromance. Like. Legitimately took TGCF and said “everyone’s het tho!” No genderbending, just het-ification. Idk.

I really cannot. I’m moving on for my sanity’s sake. I’ve already lost so much time to how many hysterical breakdowns I’ve had because of this in the last hour and a half.

Meanwhile, the “artist” ripped off not only STARember, but various other fanartists. They have a slew of stolen artworks on their instagram even from artists like GEAROUS. Absolutely baffling.

However, Things Are Happening already, so we can rest assured. Because both of them have set their profiles to private, the carrd and wixsite they had to promote it are down, the discord server was purged (unclear if deleted, people tried to raid it and got kicked lol), and the books were taken off listings from Kobo’s sites. There are multiple sites in different languages though, so it will probably take a little bit of time to get them all down. Fans on Weibo have also been made aware of it.

What’s infuriating is the idea that these people profited off of stolen works, and had thousands of followers. The “author” has over 18k followers on insta!!! Like wth!? Surely amongst those 18k, there was at least one gullible person that fell for this and gave them money. Yeesh. If these people are indeed kids, then I hope they’re really young and stupid -- and that they learn from these. Parents please pick up your kids omg. If they’re adults, then I really do not know what to say.

Technically, it’s still a developing situation, and I don’t have more screenshots because things moved SO fast. By the time I was done screaming and processing the whole situation, telling people I knew, and reporting what I could, that shit was gone LMFAO!!! Fandom moved hella fast, thank goodness. I don’t know what’ll come of it, and I’m really just making this post to archive the fact that this happened at all because I’m not entirely convinced that it’s not just a stress dream I’m having right now.

This twitter user is doing a really amazing job of cataloguing what the hell is going on, so please check out their thread if you wanna see more: https://twitter [.] com/wwxwashere/status/1376948807729045512?s=20

Also rest assured that Suika and the other translators know about it already: twitter [.] com/yummysuika/status/1376952468899295234

Thank you very much to Otonozhin on the Suibian discord sever for bringing it to my attention, as well as others on there + the HOBL server + on twitter who helped spread the word and report all this.

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #hob #psa #i feel like i need a nap now #but like the whole situation happened in like a span of two hours LMFAO it was so fast #they got away with this for MONTHS though #until a tgcf fan noticed and spread it now #im baffled

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #32 - Nobody’s Ever Actually Dead in Comic Books

Our band of merry guys-who-weren’t-on-the-Lost-Light-in-issue-#1 approach the shattered husk of the Lost Light, in a gruesome scene that is only slightly marred by the graphic design.

Font doesn’t really suggest danger, does it? Here, for comparison, is something I slapped together in fifteen minutes (including recreation of background) using a font I got off a free font site.

Now, one could say that my version is rather derivative, flat, and arguably cliche, but you know what else it is? Appropriate for the fucking mood of having found a destroyed, hemorrhaging ship after everyone you knew disappeared.

I’m available, IDW! Hit me up.

Theorizing that this is the ship that the Coffin Rodimus came from- remember that? It was a few issues ago- the gang flies in for a closer look. The ship blood is actually something called quantum foam, which allows for quantum space travel to happen. It’s not supposed to be outside of the quantum quills, but the ship’s pretty junked up, so it is.

Because the ship is so very full of holes, the gang can set down for repairs pretty easy. They land in Swerve’s, finding it in less-than-pristine condition. They also find evidence of Crosscut having gotten creative, as a poster for the play he was working on is hung up in the room. Considering he was still writing it when he disappeared, this might seem a bit odd. But then you remember that this is a ship from the future, and it stops being so odd.

Because this is a future ship, with evidence that Crosscut did some stuff, it stands to reason that, at some point, everyone is going to come back from being disappeared.

Just to die.

Which is a bummer, but one crisis at a time.

Megatron disembarks the Rod Pod, with Ravage following, and everyone is just a touch put off by the duo. Everyone but Nautica, who proceeds to commit a microaggression.

Nautica, that’s Soundwave’s father you’re petting like a common animal.

Ravage, angered by this over-familiarity, swats at her. Skids questions letting an active Decepticon roam around, but Megatron brushes off these concerns, saying that finding any still-living crew members is more important. With that, the search begins.

The gang splits up to look for clues, despite Riptide thinking this is a horrible idea. They’re on the clock for this one- the quantum foam is liable to explode if it touches anything, and there’s an awful lot of the stuff floating around right now.

Nightbeat and Nautica leave the rest of the group to their own work, seeing as Nautica has the most appropriate alt-mode for traversing the gaps in the ship.

Man, that’s pretty cool. Wish Nautica hadn’t been regulated to being “girl best friend” for her character arcs, I would have loved to see her do some neat stuff for her own development. Guess that’s what happens when you get introduced as main cast late, and have to compete with all the faves who had dozens of issues to be established and who also don’t have to deal with the whole “token girl character” thing.

The rest of the gang- Megatron, Ravage, Riptide, Skids, and Getaway- start looking in the area they’re already in. Seems a little lopsided, but whatever.

Ravage finds someone almost immediately, identifying Ultra Magnus through smell alone. Only, it isn’t just Ultra Magnus.

The Magnus armor lays not terribly far away, having had its hands cut off to prevent the recall signal from being activated before being gut-murdered.

Gut-murdered wiTH A FUSION CANNON, MEGATRON

Of course, Megatron was forced to destroy his fusion canon after it was decided he would be joining the Lost Light, but you can buy these things off the black market like it’s nothing. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Brainstorm had a few stashed in his lab.

As it currently stands, nobody can trust the guy who has a storied past of killing Autobots, on a future ship where the only folks who could stop him are dead. Megatron, at least, has the good sense to not argue this fact, and suggests that the boys lock both Ravage and himself up until they suss out exactly what happened.

Meanwhile, over with Nautica and Nightbeat, we run through all the weird shit that’s happened in the last day or so.

Nautica, you’ve been on this ship for months now. How did you miss the fact that the only couple within 800 miles got annihilated by way of Phase Sixer? I feel like that attack might have come up at some point.

Since they’re on the subject of spouses, Nightbeat asks Nautica if she’s married, or if she has friends. Though noting that such a direct line of questioning might get him slapped with someone else, Nautica reveals that she is single, though she does have a best friend. Nightbeat is also single, probably because he pulls shit like this.

While this conversation is going on, Nautica uses her Sonic Screwdriver wrench to open a door with the literal push of a button. Brainstorm tricked out her wrench so hard it turned into a magic wand, which is good, because they’re going to need all the help they can get now that space is literally warping around them thanks to the quantum foam.

Nautica kicks something on the elevator, and that something turns out to be Brainstorm’s mysterious briefcase. Too bad Swerve is gone, he was so invested in what it contained. Luckily, Nightbeat is just as interested.

Back over on the other side of the ship, it seems as though Megatron kept his word about not resisting, as both he and Ravage have been locked in a cabinet. Wonder how that’s going for them.

Oh, better than I expected.

Ravage is fucking pissed that Megatron joined the Autobots, thereby turning his back on everyone who supported his cause during the last four million years. Despite this grievous betrayal though, the Decepticons haven’t stopped moving. Turns out, Galvatron’s in charge now.

But only if Autobot Megatron isn’t some sort of ploy.

It’s at this point that we learn just why Ravage is here to begin with- to see if Megatron’s truly given up the Decepticons, and if he has, to murder him. But first he’d like to know why this is happening.

Megatron views himself as a monster, having perpetuated a war that ended the lives of billions, destroyed the Cybertronian way of life, ostracized his race from the rest of the universe, and killing just to have something to do. He doesn’t like feeling this way about himself, so he decided to walk away from that life by joining the other team.

Don’t think it’s quite that easy to do, but okay.

Ravage isn’t so sure that this change of heart is going to stick, still convinced that Megatron will snap back to his old self with just a bit more time. Problem is, Megatron may not have a ton of that resource left.

Didn’t they build that body in like an hour so you wouldn’t die? Yeah, no wonder it feels as ill-fitting as a twenty-dollar suit. Thing’s probably made out of pig iron and duct tape.

The lights come on before further self-reflection can be done, and the duo realize that they’ve had guests this whole time.

Someone put the kettle on.

Obviously some fucked up shit happened on this ship. Megatron isn’t so sure that it’s him who did these dirty deeds, however, as he reaches into Ratchet’s mouth and pulls out his brain. Which feels like something that doesn’t really absolve one of guilt, but okay.

Also, ew.

Back with Nautica and Nightbeat, things are getting weird.

Now, this sequence might seem confusing at first blush, but this is because the laws of reality are collapsing around them. Going by clues in the background, we can find the proper, linear progression of time, and thus is conversation. This is what is actually happening:

With the mystery of Brainstorm’s briefcase eluding us once again, we move on to see more graphic aftermaths of violence. Poor Tailgate has been nailed to the wall with a chunk of a metal beam that’s almost as big as he is. The mood lighting for this scene is gorgeous, but I’ve hit my limit for exposing y’all to gore for this issue, so you’ll just have to trust me on this one. Then they find something even more interesting.

Who’s ready for Under Cold Blue Stars… 2!

Back over on the opposite side of the ship, Riptide’s found something nasty. It’s a bunch of dead bodies!

Including, uh, Pipes.

Who already died a while ago.

Hm.

All the bodies in this room are in their alts, and it looks like they’ve all been shot and drilled into, for some reason. Skids brings up that he had a friend who could identify the placement of any robot’s brain module just by knowing what they turned into. Then he reaches into a corpse to see what the drill-hole’s all about. It makes him sick, though maybe not for the reason you might think. He gets on the phone with Nightbeat, who’s called to tell them that they’ve found Overlord.

Still locked in his weird body harness.

And decapitated.

Megatron is on the other line, calling because he’s figured out the same thing Skids has. Someone paid a visit to this ship. Someone nasty.

The gang regroups, and Nautica gets the basics on the DJD, because I guess nobody’s mentioned them even in passing in the last six months, either.

God, what do they even talk about on this ship? Certainly not their feelings.

The reason that one room was filled with alt-modes was because of Tarn’s addiction to transforming; t-cogs are easier to remove when they’ve been used recently.

We get a quick 4/5ths-page gore-fest, then it’s back to making it all about Megatron.

Maybe you should have thought about that before you FUCKING DEFECTED, YOU POOL NOODLE.

Nightbeat’s beginning to put two and two together. There’s an Overlord in the basement. That shouldn’t be, because Overlord got exploded by Chromedome when he mercy-killed Rewind. Something is off about the past of this ship.

Before he can establish his MTMTE everybody-lives-but-then-dies AU though, the quantum foam fucks with the ship. These sons of guns need to get the hell out of here, pronto.

Oh god, what now?

Ravage smells someone inside the Magnus armor, someone who isn’t a part of the usual nesting doll lineup. Megatron reaches into the Crackerjack box and pulls out one hell of a prize.

HE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES

Chromedome would be so thrilled, if he still existed.

#transformers #jro #MTMTE #slaughterhouse #issue 32 #maccadam #Hannzreads #incoming analysis #text post #long post #comic script writing

[publiccollectors]

From the discussion “Towards A Self Sustaining Publishing Model” hosted by Printed Matter.

Some things I have learned in over 30 years of publishing since my teenage days as a zine maker, administrating my project Public Collectors, and from working in the group Temporary Services and our publishing imprint Half Letter Press.

I have just ten minutes to speak. If only one or two things that I share are useful, that’s plenty! It took me decades to understand some of this stuff.

Use every exhibition invitation with a budget to print something. Use the whole budget to print something. Make something in a large enough print run so that you have something to give away and surplus that you can sell. Your publication can be a folded sheet of paper, a booklet, a newspaper, a poster, a book, or anything in between.

Be able to print at least something at home. Buy a cheap laser printer or inkjet printer, find a used copy machine, buy a RISO or some other duplicator, carve something into a potato or a piece of foam and print it. Being able to do at least some of the printing and production at home—even if it’s on a tiny scale—will compel you to print things that you might have convinced yourself not to send out or bring to a professional printer. Hopefully the ability to print impulsively and compulsively will result in good work. Figure out how to keep making things on every scale. Look for cheap used printing equipment on Craigslist. Team up with friends and buy equipment together that you can share. Start a printing collective in your basement.

Ideally your publication should cost 1/5th or 1/6th of the retail price to make. If you sell a $10.00 publication through a store, you are probably only going to make $6.00 or less after the store takes its cut. So ideally your $10.00 book costs $2.00 or less to make. Don’t aim to just break even. Aim to make a profit so you can keep making more publications and pay for your life. Publishing will probably never be your sole income but don’t lose money on purpose. Make things that are priced fairly and look like they justify what they cost to buy. The fact that you didn’t find a more affordable way to print something is not an excuse to sell something that feels cheap and shitty for a ridiculous sum of money. Good cheap printing is easier to find than ever before. Do your homework.

Figure out the cheapest and least wasteful ways to do everything. Ask other publishers where they get their work printed. Look for local printers so you can avoid shipping fees. Ask local printers if you can pay in cash for a discount. Ask printers if there is a cheaper way to do what you want to do by adjusting the size of your paper or the paper stock or some other small shift in form. If you print things yourself, buy the paper that is on sale. Design a publication around the paper that you found for cheap. Discount warehouses sometimes have good paper. Even dollar stores sometimes have good paper. I’ve even bought paper at flea markets. Costco sells an 800 sheet ream of 24 lb paper for $6.99. I use it all the time. It rules. I also recommend getting your jugs of organic olive oil there, but you can’t print with that.

Free printing is good printing. If you have access to free printing, use it. Free printing is like free food at art openings and conference receptions. It is one of those pleasures in life that never gets old. Come up with an idea that is based around the aesthetics of whatever free printing you have access to and make the publication that way. Eat the cheese and bread. Drink the wine. Make the copies at work.

Buy bulk shipping mailers on eBay. Find bubble wrap and other packing materials in the trash. Look out for neighbors who just bought new furniture—it’s usually wrapped in miles of packing material you can use for shipping books. Boycott terrible right wing fuckers like ULINE. Seriously, they give money to everyone horrible. Trump? Check. Ted Cruz? Check. Scott Walker? Check. ROY FUCKING MOORE? CHECK FUCKING CHECK! Tear up their catalogs and use them as packing material to protect your books. Make publications that have a consistent size so you can purchase cardboard mailers in bulk and get a discount on them. Buy packing tape in bulk. Buy everything in bulk. You can store your extra reams of paper under your bed or on top of your kitchen cabinets if necessary. Be like a wacko survivalist prepper, but for office supplies. Go to estate sales and look for the home office in the house. Buy the dead person’s extra tape and staples and rulers and scissors. I’ve been using some random dead person’s staples for years because I bought their staple hoard. Staples aren’t like meat and milk. They don’t expire.

I’m against competition. Try to avoid competing with other artists for resources. If you don’t truly need the money, don’t ask for it. Artists should have a section on their CV where they list grants they could have easily gotten but didn’t apply for because they are privileged enough that they don’t need the money as much as someone else. I almost never apply for anything but the one thing I do apply for and get every year is a part-time faculty development grant from Columbia College Chicago where I teach. It pays adjuncts up to $2,500 a year to fund their projects and seems to be completely non-competitive. My union negotiated to get us more money. I have used that grant to make over a dozen publications. The value of the publications I make and sell with each grant is about three or four times the value of the grant itself. Some years I make more from the grant than I do from the limited number of classes I teach. But I don’t depend on this grant to be a publisher and I’d still be able to make things without it.

Make things in different price ranges so everyone can afford your work, but also so that you can sustain your practice. Make a publication that costs $2.00, that costs $6.00, that costs $20.00, and make something special for the fancy ass institutional libraries that have a lot of money to spare and can buy something that costs $300.00. Likewise, make things in all different size print runs. Is there something you can print 1,000 of that you can keep selling and giving away for years, to enjoy that quantity discount that comes with offset printing a large number of publications?

Collaborate with people and pay them with publications (if they are cool with that) that they can sell on their own. Sometimes this ends up being better pay and more useful than an honorarium, and it helps justify a larger print run. But see what they need—don’t assume. Barter with other publishers and sell each other’s work and let each other keep the money. This helps with distribution. Sometimes it’s easier to sell their work than it is to sell your own. Help others expand the audience for their publications.

Fund your publishing practice by asking your friends who teach to invite you to talk to their college classes about your work. Use those guest speaker fees to print something. I sometimes tell people on social media: If three or four people will invite me to speak to their class, it could fund the entire next issue of X booklet series that you like so much. This has often worked. Also, sometimes their students end up ordering publications. Sometimes lectures about publications generate more income than the publications themselves.

Have an emailing list and write newsletters to announce new publications. Stay in touch with people who like what you do. Expect to spend a ton of time corresponding with people. Have some cheap things and cool ephemera on hand that you can send people for free when they mail order your publications. Reward people who support you directly with something nice that they didn’t expect. People like handwritten notes. It’s okay if they are very short but sign the packing slip and at least write “Thank you!”

Above all, know that publishing is a life journey and not a get rich quick scheme, or even a make very much money scheme. Enjoy the experience of meeting and working with others, trade your publications with other publishers and build up an amazing library of small press, hard to find artist books. Get vaccinated and travel and sleep on each other’s couches. Be generous with your time, knowledge, resources, and work. Tell Jeff Bezos to fuck off by never selling anything you make through Amazon. Find the bookstores that you love and work with them forever. It’s nicer to have deeper relationships with fewer bookstores than surface level interactions with dozens of shops run by people you don’t know.

Think about your publishing family. Bookstore people are your family. People that organize book fairs and zine fests are your publishing family. Other publishers are your family. People who follow your work for years on end are your family. Printers and binderies are your family. The postal workers that know you by name and that you know by name are your family. The person who doesn’t care if you make the free copies at work is your family. Over thirty years later, I’m still in contact with people I exchanged zines with through the mail when I was a teenager. In some cases I still haven’t met them in person. It’s fine! They are my family. Your students are your family—particularly once they graduate or drop out, as long as they continue making books and zines. Your family is your family, particularly if they value and support your publishing practice. And for this reason, this talk is dedicated to my late father Bruce Fischer, who let me use the company copier and postage meter when I was in high school, and to my mom who sat on the floor with me and helped me hand collate and staple my zines.

That’s what I’ve got for now. Stay in touch and with luck, and enough vaccines and masks and hand sanitizer, maybe I’ll see you at a book fair. – Marc Fischer • Thank you to Be Oakley of GenderFail for the invitation to present, to the other presenters Vivian Sming, Yuri Ogita, and Devin Troy Strother, and to the wonderful people at Printed Matter for hosting this! You should be able to find the video archived on Printed Matter’s YouTube Channel.  Presented on April 2, 2021

#Public Collectors #Publishing #Printed Matter #Be Oakley #Sming Sming #Coloured Publishing #GenderFail

[geraniums-red]

800 days of Duolingo

I’ve now done 800 days of learning languages on Duolingo.  This means I passed the two year mark about 70 days ago.  Congratulations to me!

General thoughts

Duolingo practice is still a thing that I’m happy to do every day.  It’s got less fun as the lessons have got harder, but the positives still outweigh the negatives.  I’ve changed how I use it to make it easier so it stays on the right side of the fun/frustrating scale, but I am still tinkering with how I use it.  I now only do one language a day, and I rotate through the three, so each gets its fair share of training time and brain.  The Duolingo UI update has changed how progress is recorded, so it’s hard to get a sense of how much new stuff I’m learning vs how much I’m doing consolidation of stuff I already know, but I think it’s more on the consolidation side, and has been for some time. 

French

French is my ‘easy’ language, in that I am going through sections that I tested out of, in order to make sure I actually know the content.  There are normally a couple of things I don’t know, but mostly it’s just revision, so I’m making quite rapid progress.  Duolingo approves of this, and is happy to award me lots of points. 

Duolingo thinks I should be on section 62; I am actually working on converting section 40 from gold to purple via doing the little tests at the end of each section.  This at least means I have something to use as a bookmark for progress.  The new Duolingo UI update has turned the sections into an extremely long ribbon, and there’s no way to compress sections or jump between them.  I spend an annoying amount of time guessing how far to pull the scroll bar at the side of the screen, and then navigating from there to where I actually want to be.  There are about five more gold sections, and then I’m into a solid block of purple that Duolingo thinks I already know (probably because I did at one point in the past).  I’ll probably have to do some more revision to get through that, although at that point it’ll be harder to keep track of where I am. 

French has two phantom mistakes which it dutifully reports that I have, and then refuses to test me on.  This doesn’t stop me from doing anything, but it’s annoying that I never get the congratulatory ‘you have cleared all your mistakes!’ screen.  (Welsh also has a phantom mistake.)

Japanese

Japanese is a tricky language for me.  I think the UI refresh has actually improved my experience for this one, because it spends more time drilling me on past stuff, so I no longer have to choose between ‘too easy’ and ‘too hard’.  It’s nice to have the mix of difficulties and content in a single lesson, and it’s nice to have the drills that test my ability to match kana (phonetic representation) to kanji (symbolic representation) or English to Japanese without having to deal with the rest of the phrase. 

As with French, I am working at well below what Duolingo thinks my ability is.  It thinks I am on section 20; actually I’m starting at anywhere between sections 10 and 14 and working backwards through the practice exercises until my brain gets tired.  I’ll promote myself when the exercises start feeling easy enough to be boring.  I have a feeling that won’t be for a while, though.  

Welsh

Duolingo and I are almost in agreement about where I should be in Welsh!  It thinks I should be working through section 8, and I think I’m repeatedly hitting my head on the test at the end of section 7.  My main complaint for Welsh is that the practice exercises don’t replicate the difficulty, or even the vocabulary, of the tests that come immediately afterwards.  Testing should be for checking what I know, not for teaching me new vocabulary! 

As well as this, the UI update has removed the old grammar tips for Welsh and not replaced them with anything.  This is very unhelpful, as Welsh has a lot of grammar, and it would be nice to have an overview of how agreements work rather than a bunch of isolated examples. 

However, I am slowly getting to grips with the past tense, and each successfully translated sentence feels like I have solved a little logic puzzle.  In Welsh, at least, I am making progress. 

#duolingo #welsh #japanese #french

[wayward-wren]

What up lads new Philza Lore dropped

Been thinking about this since it's been revealed that c!Phil is immortal, or at least centuries old. I like analysing things, and my brain has been chugging away analysing c!Phil since this new revelation and I finally found time to sit down and get my thoughts out.

Unless specified, I'll be talking about the character Philza from now on! Let's get into it. Putting a cut in because it gets long. Also most of this is gonna be from memory because it's getting late and I'm not digging through 4+ months of vods!

remind me to never use the new Beta posting layout it gave me a word limit and then yeeted like 800 words i hate it here lets see if i can remember what I wrote

I’ve moved a lot in my life. I think on average about one new city every four years. This has meant a lot of goodbyes, a lot of meeting new people and breaking into new circles. When this new information was revealed, I instantly felt things click - I could relate to Phil suddenly. 

Being centuries-old would create similar emotions, I think. Constantly being around people you know you will outlive, constantly finding yourself in new circles and groups. It takes a toll. 

Being centuries old effects how Phil views relationships, people and countries.

Because I’ve moved a lot, I’ve noticed that I’m starting to get the attitude of ‘I can’t be bothered.’ I can’t be bothered going out of my way to meet new people, to make new friends I’m likely to move away from in a few years. 

I’d imagine Phil would feel much the same way. Making close connections to people is impossible for him, really. He knows he’s going to outlive those around him and so the effort to put into growing relationships seems pointless. 

I think this is most seen in his and Wilbur’s relationship. Wilbur clearly wants his attention - his pride - and clearly hasn’t gotten it to the extent he wants. (“I wonder if Phil would be proud of me” comes to mind. Plus I’m sure there’s something there with his relationship with Fundy and that cycle of bad parenting. And yes, it likely contributed to his spiral into madness, but this post is about Phil, not Wilbur.) But from Phil’s perspective, he knows Wilbur isn’t going to live as long as he is. 

It explains why he’s so quick to kill Wilbur as well. Wilbur is too far gone, and Phil makes the decision to kill him before he does more harm. He’s long ago accepted the fact that his son will die before him, and so he is able to kill him. 

Likewise, his relationship with Tommy reflects this. He doesn’t reach out to Tommy because there’s no point in making a new bond with someone who he will outlive. (especially with Wilbur’s death so fresh). However, he does make it clear that if Tommy reached out to him, he would have answered - more on that later. 

His age also means he’s always looking at the big picture. He’s likely seen countless countries and empires and kingdoms rise and fall and he knows that they’re all temporary. He doesn’t see the importance in them like those who live and die within the lifespan of a nation. 

He doesn’t see the small details. He doesn’t understand why Ghostbur is so upset about a simple sheep’s death - one with unlimited lives as well. In his mind, it’s just an animal. In Ghostbur’s mind, Friend is a friend, an important small thing. Phil is so used to moving on from things, he doesn’t understand the importance of pets and nations and a home. 

This is all temporary in his mind, and lives are more important to him than a country. L’manberg was corrupting people (Tubbo, quite possible Wilbur in his mind) and thus it didn’t serve its purpose and needed to go before it hurt more people. (plus I wonder if there were some underlying anger and frustration towards L’manberg for the loss of his wings. It’s basically canon now (everyone say thank you Sadist!) that Phil’s wings were damaged during the explosion, and I would imagine for someone so old, losing limbs like wings and being grounded would be a shock and some of that may have been projected onto L’manberg)

(I also want to talk briefly about his and Techno’s relationship. While we haven’t had any canon confirmation, I don’t think Techno is fully mortal and it makes sense for Phil to gravitate towards other ancient beings. Plus my friend pointed out another theory in that Phil could be a patron of some kind for Techno, something Blood God related, I don’t know we need more information Techno please give us character lore I beg of you)

OKAY! I rewrote what I already had sometimes I hate Tumblr anyway onward let’s write this out before I pass out I’m tired. 

Phil is willing to create relationships - but on his terms.

I said Phil is distant and hesitate to create bonds with people but this isn’t necessarily true. I want to point out Fundy and Ranboo and talk about his interactions with them and then talk about Tommy. 

At the start of season two, Fundy, Ghostbur and Phil were really driving the lore. Phil seemed to be trying to bond with Fundy, and I think a lot of that likely had to do with guilt from what happened to Wilbur but there’s something deeper to it. He makes an effort to be there for Fundy and to help him.  

Likewise, he went out of his way to save Ranboo from lava (though the overlap for in character and ooc is large there, I think it still applies), and brought him home after Doomsday, saving him from his own mind. 

Phil seems himself as a benevolent being. He sees himself as right, and part of that is being there for his grandson, or helping out a hybrid in trouble. 

However, it’s important to note - this is on his terms. He’s lived so long, he doesn’t want to put energy into relationships that won’t give him back something. For Fundy, I think a lot of it was making up for what happened with Wilbur and family responsibility, but he enjoyed spending time with Fundy (it’s been a while I need to rewatch some of those vods I think). 

With Ranboo, again I feel like there’s a small part in fulfilling some need of Phil’s to feel like he’s being ‘good’ and plucking this kid out of a warzone makes him feel good. But at the same time, Ranboo is polite, quiet, generous - the perfect kind of person to put energy into building a relationship with. Plus, I would not be surprised if Ranboo reminds him of Techno.  

If a relationship takes too much, or isn’t worth it - Phil drops it and doesn’t bother trying to fix what is broken. Why would he? He’s just going to outlive whatever the problem is. He lived in L’manberg, but he was never a part of it. He dismissed Tubbo so quickly when he saw Tubbo was being corrupted by his power and position. He didn’t follow up on Fundy or check that he was okay or make any effort to reach out to him when things started to go down. 

And that brings us to Tommy. We’re all upset at how Phil reacted to Tommy’s exile and the following, but I think it makes so much sense. Like I said before, he doesn’t put the effort into reaching out to Tommy, but he would have gone to the Beach Party if Tommy had reached out to him. He was happy to see Tommy at Techno’s place, he was willing to create that relationship and bond. 

But from Phil’s pov, Tommy was thrown aside by his home, found shelter with Techno, and then betrayed Techno by siding with the people who threw him aside. (and Techno is loyal to the few he trusts, so a betrayal like that will hit hard and Phil can see that). It makes sense that Phil decides that isn’t a relationship he wants to put energy into fixing. 

(Also to clarify, I’m not saying Tommy was wrong to side with L’manberg and Tubbo, or that Techno was right in lashing out like he did. I’m just saying it’s a complex issue, and seeing all sides of it is important - they were both betrayed that day). 

Living so long means Phil only cares to put effort and energy into relationships that benefit him, in whatever way. If someone is too difficult or needs too much effort, then in Phil’s mind there’s no reason to pursue that relationship. 

Being so old makes Phil overly confident in himself.

Philza is always in the right. Full stop. End of story.

He’s lived so long and has so much more experience than anyone else that he thinks he is in the right all the time. His fatal flaw is his pride and - much like Techno - he refuses to see anything from anyone else’s point of view. 

He saw L’manberg’s corruption, saw that it as a nation was hurting people and made the decision that it was doing more hurt than good so of course he joined Techno and Dream in destroying it. 

He sees the big picture and so of course Friend’s death doesn’t matter, Friend was just an animal. Ghostbur is too naive and foolish to understand that now. 

Unless he learns to listen and see someone else’s point of view - which will be very hard, because he’s so old and connecting with people is hard for him - he’s going to continue to think he’s always in the right. 

Conclusion

There’s a few things I want to see/think might happen with Phil’s character, one more likely than the other. 

First off - Karl. 

If anyone knows how to look at the big picture, if anyone knows how insignificant the simple things are and how pointless it can be sometimes it’s the server’s resident time traveller. But where Karl differs from Phil is that he cares. 

Karl goes out of his way to help, risks his memory and sanity to make things better for his friends. Pours time and effort and energy into relationships that may be onesided or temporary - heck, have you seen how much effort he goes to to be liked by everyone? Sometimes too much. 

I’d love to see some Karl and Phil interaction. Maybe in a Tales episode (young Phil? Backstory? Maybe?) or even in regular canon. It’s unlikely probably, but I think it could be an interesting discussion. Someone write a fic. 

Secondly - death. 

CC!Phil has made it no secret that his character is probably going to die at some point (if only for ghost WINGSSSS). Honestly? I think it could be a great direction to take the character. 

If Phil could find something worth dying for, could find the joys in the small things, could focus on the little details enough to realize - ‘oh. This does matter’ I honestly think that would be cool. A sacrificial death, maybe even for something as ‘insignificant’ as a pet (although pets can be important on this server). I’m not sure, but I think making peace with death would be a great way to take an immortal character’s arc.

There’s more I could talk about - for instance, I haven’t even mentioned the ‘not as painful as what I inflicted on their enemies’ comment and Phil’s whole ‘angel of death’ vibe, or the fact that he’s always only had one life. But it’s getting late and I’ve been writing this for like an hour and a half and I’m really tired. Feel free to add on! 

#dream smp #dsmp #mcyt #philza #philza minecraft #this was fun #please reblog i put a lot of effort into this and i'd love people to see it! #let me know what you think ^-^ #i'm going to have to find some songs and write something at some point probably #anyway sleep time #this is nearly 2000 words guys #im putting my highschool english essay skills to very good use

[rigelmejo]

notes to myself basically, on how i study languages (so far, there’s always gonna be better ways i don’t know of yet lol):

learn 500-1000 common words asap, read a grammar guide that provides overview asap - like the first 3 months. If a full grammar guide doesn’t exist that’s concise (hi japanese ;-;) find a basics grammar guide at least and read that (pimsleur, websites, genki, tae kim, youtube). Specifically within the common words, at least look at the ‘300 common word tumblr to say things’ language vocab list. That list is good for me starting some kind of active vocab/expressing ideas.

if its got a different writing system, look up the alphabet in 1st month (kana for japanese, cyrillic alphabet for russian etc, pinyin for chinese). listen to pronunciation guides, and write and/or mnemonics to learn those asap.

if its got characters (like chinese, japanese), learn 300-500 super common characters ASAP (first 5 months). 

After month 3, learn up to 2000 common words (hi srs flashcard programs like anki and memrise, common word lists, graded readers), and up to 2000 characters. Not all these need to be done with srs flashcards/focused study, but get TO recognizing this many as soon as u can. Goal is get to this by month 8-10. But depending on how much i can overall understand without doing this, i may not learn All of these words by then (but ideally i should).

By 500-1000 words (and 500+ characters if needed), so after 3-5 months, start trying to immerse in what I WANT to do - so reading, watching (maybe listening, maybe games). I don’t have to do it much, but do it a bit to remember what I learned and also motivate myself to study more.

Months 5-8 somewhere between 1000-2000 words, start trying to write/say basic things to myself or on apps with others. Probably will be a mess, don’t have to do it much. Do it enough to have motivation to study more - see where I’m lacking skills. I may need more grammar explanation, or more vocab, or notice a big issue in my pronunciation etc.

Around month 8-10, around 2000+ words studied (although it may be less or more depending on what I’m comfortable with), ramp up immersion a lot. As soon as its mildly tolerable, ramp it up a LOT. Look up words when immersing as often or not often as desired, goal is to always follow at least the bare minimum main idea (and more details if possible/if I wanna put in the effort to look more up). Now I can start learning new words primarily from this. 

Reading skills - during immersion do intensive reading to learn more vocabulary quicker, extensive reading to improve overall comprehension. Do SRS flashcards/focused graded readers/word-list prep for stuff I read as needed, to speed up how much vocab I learn (if I’m learning too slow for my preference lol). Ways to make extensive reading easier: read graded readers, read show subtitles in target language while watching show, textbooks built to increase info taught in context, read stuff I’ve read translations of first, read stuff I have prior context for (I saw the show/heard already with english transcript etc), Listening reading method, read extensively what I’ve read intensively before etc.

Listening skills - start extensive listening to audio (for overall comprehension improvement). Start intensive listening where I hear words and lookup definition and/or learn word pronunciation with explanations. So start listening to audio flashcards for building a base of learned words/phrases (chinese spoonfed audio files, japanese core 2k audio, japaneseaudiolessons.com, SRS flashcards if they have audio only ones too, Coffee Break French, audio for Francais par le methode nature etc). To make extensive listening easier: start with watching/listening to shows I’ve already seen subs for, shows in general (visual context helps), comprehensible input audio (like comprehensible input french youtube, Learn Korean in Korean youtube, Dreaming Spanish youtube etc), listen with a transcript then listen without, Listening reading method, listen to things I have prior context for like audiobook of something i read/audio drama of show i’ve seen. Do some shadowing (shadowing audio flashcard files is easy and reliable tbh). 

Production skills (I am not here yet) - in general I’ve found making myself write more, talk more, to myself (like journals and practice convos) and to others, tends to improve my active vocabulary. Especially when I try to communicate about topics i’m bad at (so making myself look up those words and write/say them to put them back into active vocab). At this point I’m guessing more explicit grammar drill practice might help, people correcting me, shadowing a lot. Maybe practicing translating to that language/from it, to practice building active vocab? I’m not sure what will help most here tbh as I’ve never gotten far in this area. (For chinese, studying pronunciation more in depth and doing more listening/shadowing, and pronunciation apps, helped a lot with pronunciation itself but not active production yet). 

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i’m currently mostly just doing 8-9 for chinese right now - building reading skills, building listening skills. Varying what i do. For production skills i’m guessing there’s a ton of varied things i can do right now or later, i’m just not entirely sure what they’d be. i have not tried/troubleshooted those skills much before when studying. All i know for sure is the more i make myself use the language in Varied topics, the more i get an active vocabulary (aka writing journals, making self-convos, and doing language exchanges help in a basic way). No idea how to improve grammar though in ways that’d work well for me. so right now my skills lean heavier toward comprehension, less skill in any production. Studying chinese taught me a lot about how i learn listening skills though...which is valuable as i barely had practice learning HOW to study them when i studied french or japanese before.

troubleshooting wise - this is the rough trajectory i went through in chinese, that has worked okay for me. looking at it helps me see where i ‘slowed down’ my progress in other languages i studied.

for french - i did very LITTLE listening practice, and had few ideas of how to work on it at the time. Now I would probably do listen with transcript then without, and shadowing, to work on listening skills. And watching shows/videos with subtitles (if possible), then without subs. And very little speaking practice - same deal as listening, i did a little at some point realizing it was a weak area but not enough work on it. I also did very LITTLE production practice like language exchanges. i had few reasons to produce language, and so the few times i needed to i could mostly rely on super common words or look things up when writing. i know i’d need to do more to work on production. so i was very unbalanced - large reading comprehension, low pretty much every other skill.

for japanese... i did a lot in retrospect i wish i’d redone different. and i do it different now. i did not read/watch a grammar guide - and i still freaking need to (or at least get clear grammar exposure like nukemarine’s LLJ course’s tae kim portions). japanese has grammar i find very hard to figure-out through exposure so this holds me back a lot. and lack of immersion to both motivate me to study MORE and to practice reading/listening skills. ALSO lack of common words - i learned like 800 hanzi rough-meaning through RTK, and maybe 500 words in genki... and no wonder it wasn’t enough lol! i think nukemarine helped back years ago, because it forced me to study grammar and vocab, listening and reading, in a structured way (similar to how genki helped me in the very start before i quit using it). and japaneseaudiolessons.com helped because it made me practice listening and gave me comprehensible listening with definitions. that in combo with me really starting to immerse and TRY to read/listen at year 2+ is when i finally made some progress because i was doing things that work for me - finally. and now that i’m coming back to japanese, i’m starting to apply all those things again that were finally working. 

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anyone have any tips on how to improve production skills? Both active vocabulary, and how to both practice speaking/writing broadly AND how to fix grammar errors. 

For active vocab and general writing/speaking I know just talking more/writing more helps. But I can only tend to catch grammar errors if I run it through a translator first to compare how the translator phrases it to how I did (which can create a LOT of errors if the translator is Wrong), or if someone corrects my grammar error (which relies on other people - and preferably a tutor since i dont want to bother people who aren’t paid to correct - so what can i do on my OWN?). 

The big thing is with grammar, I can only think to either go through beginner courses Again from the start and do the writing drills and copy the patterns to internalize them? So I could correct my basic writing/speaking but not necessarily when I start speaking/writing creatively, unless I find textbooks/workbooks that eventually go into intermediate material (and of course finding textbooks/online exercises that provide correct answers so i can compare my attempts to the correct ones). Aside from either a tutor, or trying to find well made free online courses with exercises with answers provided, i’m not sure how to improve grammar production. If I write out sentences i read, would that internalize being able to ‘copy their grammar correctly’ when i write? if i shadow correctly said speeches/videos, would that help drill ‘correct grammar’ when speaking? (And be less boring then doing FSI speech drills). Basically I’m trying to find some ways (creative or not) to improve grammar in production. Improving active vocabulary seems pretty straightforward to me (make myself use it, look up words until they come natural to me - but if u got any other fun ways to improve active vocab i’d love to hear!). But I don’t know how to improve grammar when you are NOT in a class structure, have no teacher/tutor, and already have a base level of comprehension. As in like? I can read fine, but when writing I can’t tell if what I produce is grammatically correct or not - and again I can run it through a translator sometimes to try and ‘check’ but since translators make errors, my ‘corrected example’ isn’t always reliable to use as something to emulate for ‘correct form.’

#rant #may #may progress #language learning #grammar #any help or tips yall have for production improvement?