#I relate to Bucky’s abandonment issues so much

[misshoneybee]

⟣ 𝑌𝑂𝑈'𝑅𝐸 𝑀𝑌 𝐴𝐶𝐻𝐼𝐿𝐿𝐸𝑆 𝐻𝐸𝐸𝐿 ⟢

— 𝑉𝐼𝐼𝐼. 𝐴𝑁𝐷 𝐴𝐿𝐿 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑃𝐼𝐸𝐶𝐸𝑆 𝐹𝐴𝐿𝐿

Masterpost — OFC Biography — Playlists — Chapter VII — Chapter IX

❧ Pairings | Post-Endgame!Bucky Barnes x Original Female Character, Previous Steve Rogers x Original Female Character

❧ Warnings | Mature content, explicit language, slight angst, some pining, TFATWS spoilers, smut (fingering, p in v sex, very light dom/sub dynamic, dirty talking)

❧ Wordcount | ~9.2k

❧ Disclaimer | Dividers are by firefly-graphics. If you are a minor, or do not have your age in your bio, and I catch you interacting with this, you will be blocked. If you believe you were blocked unfairly, send me an ask with your url.

You make everyone disappear and, Cut me into pieces, Gold cage, hostage to my feelings ( So It Goes… | Reputation )

April 19, 2024

Two weeks had glacially passed since she’d spoken to Bucky and the apartment beside Maggie’s had sat in complete silence since she’d returned home from Washington almost four days earlier. As soon as she’d gotten out of the town car that had brought her from the airport to Brooklyn, she’d gone to his door without bothering to drop anything off at her own place first. Sure, she felt, and probably looked, a little haggard from traveling and hadn’t slept well in almost six days, but she had to see him.

He was the only person that she’d wanted to talk to. She hadn’t spoken to Sam; there was no way that he’d known what the defense department had planned but she was certain that Bucky had to have been just as upset as she was, if not more. Rapping her knuckles against the dark brown wood, she waited for a moment for any type of response but there’d been nothing but a heavy silence behind his door.

After a few more knocks, and calling his name softly, she’d hesitated, resting a hand, flat against the barrier. Either he wasn’t home, or he didn’t want to see her; she could only hope it was the former and not the latter. Maybe she’d still been a little upset by the low blow he’d dealt but Bucky was the only person who’d understand the way she felt.

Mrs. Kirsch from down the hall had spotted Maggie fiddling with her keys and asked where ‘that sweet Barnes boy had gone’ because she hadn’t seen him in quite a few days. Making up something about a work trip that he’d needed to go on, she’d quickly found an excuse about not feeling well to avoid the old woman who tended to ramble once she got started.

‘She hadn’t seen him in a few days?’

Dragging her bags inside, Maggie had quickly locked the door behind her. She’d needed to sit on the floor and gather herself as the racing thoughts in her brain jumped to light speed. He’d left; he’d moved. In the few days that she’d been gone, he’d decided that she was far too much to deal with, or to be annoyed by, and that he’d be better off not being her neighbor so he’d moved. Hadn't he?

There was no other explanation; like almost everyone else, he’d left.

Of course, Maggie knew that she was being unreasonable; maybe he’d actually needed to go do something for his pardon or maybe he’d taken some kind of trip but surely, he hadn’t just up and left. Perhaps Carolyn had been on to something when she’d told Maggie that she had abandonment issues. Eventually, she’d pulled herself from her spot on the floor and thrown herself in to anything and everything in an attempt to not think about him or the shield or anything related to either.

She’d cleaned, and gotten ahead on paperwork, and even caught up on some television shows that she’d fallen far behind on. Maybe, sometimes, she’d pause her music to listen for any noise in the apartment next to hers or she’d run to the door and check through the peephole anytime she heard footsteps out in the hall. But she definitely didn’t knock on his door and pretend to need to borrow a cup of sugar…twice—she didn’t even know if he had any sugar. One attempt had resulted in Mrs. Kirsch overhearing her again, offering the confection, and talking to Maggie until her phone rang and the younger woman was finally able to escape after an hour of mind-numbing, one-sided conversation.

It was just before five in the morning and her phone sounded possessed. The notifications were coming faster than the alerts could chime and they refused to stop. Eventually, Maggie grumpily shoved her glasses on her face and flipped the switch of her lamp. Sifting through the blankets that occupied her bed, she finally found the ringing device and let out an annoyed groan as the bright, blue light momentarily blinded her. Poppy had sent no less than fifteen text messages about some video. In her half-asleep stupor, she scanned the messages for any type of context but only one word caught her eye: Barnes.

Suddenly, she was wide awake, and it felt as though a shot of espresso had been injected directly into her veins. Fingers fumbling over themselves, she eventually found the video and felt a weight on her chest.

‘Winter Soldier Takes Down Mafia in Madripoor!!!’ was the tacky, clickbait title and there, on her little phone screen, was the man that she hadn’t seen for two weeks. Where the hell was he? She considered herself pretty well traveled but she’d never even heard of Madripoor. Ignoring that, she pressed play and let the grainy video roll.

“Oh god.” Maggie exhaled softly, wide-eyed as she watched Bucky, somewhere in a bar, striking down men one by one as they came at him. He slammed them into one another, against columns and on the bar, tossing them more like ragdolls than people. The whirring of his arm was audible with each swing and jab, but the short video cut just as she heard the cocking of several guns.

“No—” A pit grew in her stomach. Bucky was a lot of things but bulletproof wasn’t one of them.

As much as Maggie tried to drag the little line at the bottom of her screen, it didn’t budge. That was where the video had ended. Immediately, she stumbled out of bed and dialed his number. She hadn’t called or texted or even tried to figure out where he’d gone at all in the last week, but now she had to know that he was okay, that he was still…him. Things couldn’t have gone to shit so quickly, could they? Pacing the creaky wooden floor of her bedroom, a hand rested on her forehead, and she closed her eyes as the endless dial tone continued; God, she felt sick.

A click from the other end of the line made her perk up but she faltered when it was only his voicemail. She debated on leaving one at all, but as the beep told her to begin speaking, the words just seemed to fall from her mouth, “It’s me.” Biting her lip, she rested her head against the door frame as she spoke without any idea of where she was going, “I just—I haven’t heard from you. And I know we left things…in a bad place, but I saw that video and I—”

Cutting herself off, Maggie took a deep breath before any tears could come; he had to be okay. With a sigh, she finally admitted, “I just need to know you’re okay. And I know you might still be mad at me and that’s okay because I’m still a little mad at you too but I just…I really care for you, Bucky.” It felt odd to use his nickname, like her mouth wasn’t used to forming the word, but it had come out so naturally, “Just…call me back when you get this. Please.”

Hanging up, she tossed her phone back where she’d found it and buried her face in her hands, ignoring Alpine’s yowling complaint from where he slept on the foot of her bed. Shooting him a dirty look, her phone had gone nowhere near him, she flipped on the overhead light instead of returning to her warm blankets.

Sleep wouldn’t come back to her, but she certainly hoped that he would.

April 21, 2024

John Walker was the man who’d been touted as ‘The New Captain America’ and that alone had been enough to make Maggie’s blood boil. Typically, she wasn’t a violent person but something about him made her furious, and she had a suspicion that if she ever met him, her hands would speak before she did. The idea that someone, who Steve had never even known, was carrying his shield while pretending to uphold everything that he’d stood for, was almost enough to make her fly back to the capital and raise whatever hell she could.

It should have been Sam and when he’d decided not to take on all of the baggage that came along with the mantle, it should have been no one. It certainly shouldn’t have been some awful man with wild eyes who’d used it to bludgeon someone to death, in broad daylight, as he begged for his life.

Whoever the man had been, he hadn’t deserved to die like that, regardless of affiliations.

And John Walker certainly didn’t deserve to have his name associated with Steve’s in any way. Like a train wreck that she couldn’t tear her eyes from, in the days following his announcement, she’d found out whatever she could about the man. Perhaps she’d used some professional connections to get more information that she shouldn’t necessarily have had access to, but she had to know everything. She didn’t know it was possible to hate a person more.

Seeing the familiar metal covered in blood had been enough to make her sick which was how Maggie had found herself sitting on the cold floor of her little bathroom. Pressing a cool washcloth to her bare face as she leaned against the wall, she counted each breath. How had they chosen him? Did they not do any psych evaluations? Wasn’t there some screening process or interviews? There was no way they’d allow him to keep the shield after what he’d done…was there?

After everything that had happened, she had very little trust in the government to do anything right at all, so perhaps they would.

In the background of the cellphone-filmed video that she’d seen on the news, she’d spotted Sam and Bucky amongst the crowd. They’d brought her the tiniest sliver of comfort before she’d watched in horror as the assault took place in some picturesque, city square in Eastern Europe. Before that though, she’d noticed that, at least Bucky had looked like himself; he no longer had that scary, blank look in his eye that had been present when she’d seen the video from Madripoor.

Looking at her phone resting face down on the floor beside her, she knew it would go unanswered, but decided to try again anyway for the second time that week. As her call was sent to voicemail again, she ignored how echoey the tile and glass room made her voice sound, “It’s me again.” Pausing, Maggie gave a humorless laugh, “I…don’t even really know why I called. I guess I just wanted to check in again. To make sure you were okay.”

Tracing a finger over the rough grout between the tiles, she felt her chest tighten, “I really need you to be okay, Buck. I want you to come back.” Pausing, she added, “To come home.” Home. She’d called a lot of places had been home over the years, but only few people had felt like it; in the short time they’d known one another, he’d become one of them. It felt futile when there was no answer, like she was speaking into the void instead of to someone else.

Sighing, she tilted her head back and looked at the white ceiling, “I don’t know if you’re sending me through to voicemail, I don’t think you even know how to do that, or if it’s because you’re somewhere on the other side of the world, but I just really…wish I could talk to you right now. I miss you.”

Though the words were a little stilted, she was painfully earnest. Somewhere along the way, he’d come to mean a lot more to her than she ever thought he would. As he’d helped to patch up her shredded tapestry, Bucky had somehow managed to find a little place to take up residence in her mostly occupied heart as well and she hadn’t realized it until the words had fallen from her lips.

She really, really missed him.

Swallowing the lump in her throat as she realized that she’d been silently sitting on the line for several seconds, Maggie finished quietly, “call me,” before clicking the little red button on her screen.

April 26, 2024

Watching the events uptown unfold, there was a small, selfish part of Maggie that was grateful she’d declined her invitation to be present for the vote and hadn’t attended out of obligation or her pathological people pleasing habit. She was supposed to have been there as a liaison between the GRC and the Stark Foundation; she was meant to attend but she couldn’t support them, not when their decision would hurt so many people.

The vote hadn’t even taken place and the news coverage had been nonstop for what felt like hours after the Flag Smashers had infiltrated to stop it and make an example. Sitting on her couch, curled up safely in a throw blanket with Alpine resting soundly on her lap, there was a little blossom of pride blooming in her chest as she listened to her friend censure the GRC representatives. She’d been furious when the shield had passed through Walker’s hands but seeing Sam with it just felt right.

It still stung, just a little, to know that Steve would never carry the shield again but if it was their friend who held it, she was sure that she’d feel okay someday. In the background of the shots of Sam speaking, her eyes had been drawn Bucky like a magnet as he stood among a small group of people. Some of the tension melted away; she’d know that stocky build and cocky walk anywhere. He was home. Well, he was in the city, at least, only a borough away.

Cursing as the footage cut away to some reporters in a studio, she flipped through a few more channels before giving up and dropping her head back against the couch. She assumed that he’d need to speak with some people and answer some questions before he could finally return home. Although she’d deny it if she were asked, she was eagerly awaiting his return. It had been three weeks since she’d seen him, and she’d give just about anything to hear his smart-ass quips and see his scruff-riddled face; she just wanted something tangible just to know that he was okay.

It was as if her brain didn’t understand the concept of not worrying. What if something happened to him? What if he’d gotten hurt after he’d gotten out of the news camera’s view? Or if there was another attack? Finally, Maggie forced herself to shut off the television’s sound and turn on some radio station to avoid sitting in the blaring silence that was encouraging her brain to run wild.  

Bucky had managed to grow on her like ivy climbing a stone-wall cottage; it was something that she hadn’t noticed until it had wrapped around her ribs and brought pieces of her back to life after a long, cold winter. It made sense that she was worried. As her fingers absentmindedly brushed over the purring ball of white fluff in her lap, her eyes stayed trained on the silent picture, hungry for more news that she knew likely wouldn’t come soon.

April 27, 2024

The heaviness in Bucky’s limbs was almost distracting as he dragged himself back to the familiar apartment building in Brooklyn. God, he felt old. It had been a long night. After the fight had ended, he’d ensured that Sharon got the aid she needed before leaving when she’d threatened him with a blatant, annoyed gesture to her gun to stop hovering ‘like some weirdo.’

The exhaustion had caught up to him as he ran a hand over his face, standing before his door. Reaching into the pocket of his jacket, he fished for a key that wasn’t there. Letting out a quiet groan, he dropped his forehead against the cold wood. Sometime in the chaos of the week, he’d lost his damn key. The watch on his wrist read just past midnight. Of course, he could easily break through the door and its lock, but he knew that the landlord would be hard-pressed to forgive that event…especially for a second time.

His eyes landed on the apartment just beside his own. Perhaps he needed to make amends with two people, rather than just one. After the last few months of living next to one another, he knew that Maggie seldom fell asleep earlier than two in the morning. If the moon was awake, she was too. Late into the night, he could usually hear her shuffling around like some nocturnal thing, from the other side of the wall that separated her bedroom from his.

Listening closely from the hall, the silence, aside from some faint music, behind her door gave him pause. Typically, she turned something on for Alpine when she was out, insisting that music or the Discovery Channel kept him in a ‘good mood’ and ‘stimulated his brain’ despite Bucky’s constant protests that the cat was probably, mostly deaf. In the back of his mind, the rogue thought that she could be out somewhere quietly arose.

In all the months that they’d known each other, she hadn’t even talked about anyone aside from her best friend or coworkers but for some inexplicable reason, the idea of her being out with someone else made him bristle. Then again, he knew he didn’t have a right to be upset. They hadn’t exactly left on the best of terms; the last time he’d seen her, she had kicked him out. In his defensiveness, like some cornered animal, he’d dealt her a low blow and had regretted it ever since.

After hours of ruminating and turning over every stone in his mind when he’d been in Louisiana with Sam, Bucky had finally come to a realization. He hadn’t wanted to go out with any of the women that Yori had tried to set him up with, because they weren’t her. They weren’t his pull-your-hair-out aggravating, exceedingly bossy, too smart, remarkably witty, incredibly beautiful neighbor, who he had no right having feelings for.

Those women weren’t Maggie and that had driven him nuts. As she’d asked him question after question and pushed every single button like numbers on a phone, he hadn’t meant to snap. How could he tell his best friend’s ex-girlfriend-almost-fiancé that he’d somehow developed feelings for her and that's why no one else caught his attention?

He’d seen how many pieces she’d shattered into and just how jagged every edge had been when she’d fallen apart in the wake of Steve’s departure. It was barely six months later and she was only just finding her footing. It wouldn’t have been fair to put any more weight on her, so he’d kept silent. Regardless of his intentions, or how he felt, Bucky knew that he owed her an apology.

Shooting up a quick prayer to whatever could hear him, he finally gave in and knocked on the neighboring door with the hope that Maggie was still there, still awake, and hopefully less angry with him than she’d been just a few weeks before. Aside from his need to apologize, she had the only spare key to his place, so she was his last hope.

Absence made the heart grow fonder, but he kind of hoped that there was some saying about it dimming the flames of fury too.

The rampant thoughts in Maggie’s mind were louder than the boots walking down the hallway, but not quite loud enough to drown out a firm knock on her door. She felt her heart skip a beat as she whipped her head towards the noise. Quickly picking a grumbling Alpine from her lap, Maggie sat him back on the couch and scrambled to the door, her socks sliding on the hardwood like she was in Risky Business as she eagerly looked through the peephole.

Icy blue eyes looked at the fisheye lens patiently, knowing that the ever-cautious woman never opened her door without checking first. Relief washed over Maggie and the grin on her face was almost painful as her shaking hands undid the deadbolt and turned the handle’s lock before swinging the door open where it gave a dull thud as it hit the stopper.

With his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jacket, Bucky gave her a sheepish smile, “Hey.”

Exhaling, Maggie let out a single word, “Bucky.”

In the time that he’d known her, Maggie hadn’t ever been very physically affectionate, so he was momentarily taken aback when the small woman threw her arms around his neck and pulled him in for an unexpectedly tight hug while standing on her toes. Automatically, he returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around her tightly, surprised with the amount of comfort that it immediately brought him.

Despite the night, it was like he’d finally found a moment of peace—Maggie was a sanctuary of calm in the middle of a thunderous storm. Pressing his face into her hair, he inhaled the sweet almond scent that he’d come to associate with her and the comfort of her warm apartment. Like she was a drug, he could feel the blood that thrummed through his veins beginning to slow, just from her touch.

Resting her chin on his shoulder, Maggie let out a breath that she’d been holding all week. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut, irrationally worried that if she opened them, he’d slip through her fingers and be gone again.

Cautiously, Bucky broke the silence as he softly apologized, “I’m sorry, Mags.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard.” She swallowed the lump in her throat as she shook her head. There was no use in holding any grudges, not when he was one of the only people that she had left anymore. Though she’d tried fruitlessly to convince herself, it wasn’t easier to be alone and she couldn’t stand to lose him too, “I forgive you.”

“I…” Trailing off as his hand drifted up and down her back slowly, he was almost surprised at her willingness to let their argument go. He’d been prepared to beg for her forgiveness. “I was an ass.”

From the way he felt her body shake in his embrace, he could tell she’d let out a quiet laugh at his self-evaluation before she agreed, “You were. But I didn’t listen, and—” Shaking her head, she gave a shrug and moved on; none of it mattered anymore, “It doesn’t matter. But what does, is that you’re home.”

She could feel his body deflate with an unspoken relief as her words washed over him. Perhaps he hadn’t listened to her voicemails; if he had, certainly he would have known she wasn’t quite as upset anymore. They’d both gone too far and let their emotions get the best of them that morning, but time and distance had gradually repaired the damage that had been caused. Neither bothered to move from their embrace, the first one they’d ever shared, as they finally reconvened for the first time in three weeks.

“I looked for you there. I was worried you—”

“I was invited but I didn’t want to go.” His arms were so warm, comforting; she could fall asleep pressed against him if she let herself. Turning her face into his neck, her nose brushed just slightly against his warm skin; she felt the smallest shiver run through him. Lowering her voice, she cautiously inquired, “Are you okay? I…saw that video. The one from Madripoor.”

Sam had mentioned something about a video from that night, but he didn’t know that it had made its way across the world and straight to her. Resting his chin on top of her head, he mumbled, “I just had to…pretend.”

Bucky had barely even had time to think about everything that had taken place over the past two weeks, but he knew that, aside from Sam, Maggie was really the only person out there that he had anymore. It was possible that she was the only one who’d cared, and she had to have been terrified when she saw the news. His voice was quiet as he continued to rub her back comfortingly and he felt her melt into his chest as he affirmed, “I’m alright. I promise.”

After several more silent moments spent wrapped in his thick arms, she pulled back just enough to look at him, her brown eyes meeting the blue of his like the earth and sky. Cupping his face in her hands, like she needed to touch him to make sure that he was actually in front of her, she felt his cheeks shift.

As the corners of his lips tilted up, she was gifted with that lazy smile she’d grown to adore. It felt like the end of a summer’s day, hazy and warm and something she never wanted to see end. Her thumbs brushed across the prickly, days-old scruff as she looked at him for what felt like the first time; he really was kind of beautiful.

If anyone were to describe Marguerite Hall, ‘impulsive’ would probably be the last word they’d use; it was way down there with adjectives like ‘reckless’ or ‘inconsiderate’ or ‘irresponsible.’ She made too many lists and charts and thought through every single possible outcome that could ever occur for any event she’d ever experienced, but for the first time in her thirty-three years of life, she let herself be something that she wasn’t.  

Without another thought about repercussions or consequences or anything else that would come tomorrow, Maggie couldn’t resist as she pulled Bucky down by the face to smash her lips into his. It was different than what she’d known before; his clothes smelled like gun smoke but tucked beneath it was something dark and spicy, like tobacco and sandalwood and it tickled her nose and only made her want him more. It was so warm and all-encompassing.

The way his lips moved was unfamiliar, like choreography to a dance neither had ever learned; each swipe of his tongue or change in pressure was so certain and confident. She wanted more.

Winding her arms around his neck, she felt his hands drop to her waist and his thumbs brushed against her ribs, spanning up her sides as he held her close. After a moment, she could feel him smile against her mouth before he murmured into their stolen kiss with a palpably victorious air, “I knew you didn’t hate me…”

His grip on Maggie tightened, in every sense of the phrase, and she couldn’t snuff out the grin that grew on her lips to match his. She refused to pull away, not yet, so she only mumbled against his mouth, “Shut up.”

Bucky’s splintered sentence came out between their kisses, and she could hear the cocky teasing note in his words, “I just needed…my spare key. I didn’t know…this came with it or…I’d definitely have…forgotten it a few weeks ago.”

Both entertained and exasperated, Maggie finally forced her mouth away from Bucky’s without leaving the warmth of his arms, staring at him incredulously. Almost panting as she tried to catch her breath, her tongue darted out to wet her rosy lips that had twisted into a teasing smile, “Do you ever shut up?”

With a chuckle from deep in his chest, Bucky shook his head, pulling her back in with his hand cupping her jaw. For some indeterminate length of time, they stood in her doorway, making out shamelessly like teenagers at a prom who couldn’t wait to be alone. By some miracle, none of their neighbors had caught them and, in the back of her mind, she was grateful. If anyone stumbled upon the pair, they’d be the only topic of hot gossip in the small building for weeks to come. Finally, Maggie made herself draw back, trying to breathe again, but he kept his forehead pressed to hers, one of his hands holding the back of her head like she was something precious.

Maggie’s trembling hands unwound from his neck, trailing slowly over his broad shoulders, and down to rest flat on his chest as if she had to put the slightest amount of distance between them before she did anything else that was foolish. With her eyes shut, she could feel him hesitate before capturing her lips in another softer, sweeter kiss that was something of a chaste peck, like he couldn’t stand to not have her lips pressed to his after experiencing it for the first time.

It took some time for both of the neighbors to finally steady themselves with several more kisses stolen in the comfortable silence that they’d been wrapped in. Eventually, she opened her eyes into his and felt him steal the air from her lungs. Biting her swollen bottom lip, she tried to gather her thoughts and figure out what exactly had just happened as his thumb continued rubbing distracting circles on her hip.

A shiver ran down her body from the tender action and he couldn’t quite hide the little, prideful smirk as he felt the jolt of electricity move through her. After a moment’s silence, just as he thought she was going to close the distance between them again, Maggie wound her arm back and slugged him as hard as she could muster with an accusatory glare and fire in her eyes.

Bucky’s jaw hung open as he feigned a look of hurt which she promptly ignored, content with the knowledge that she couldn’t inflict much damage on the enhanced man no matter how strong she was. Rubbing the vibranium hand over his arm where she’d landed the solid punch, he protested, slightly confused by the very mixed signals that he was receiving, “Hey!”

“I thought you fucking died!” Maggie huffed. With her hands back on his chest, she pushed him back and, predictably, his feet stayed firmly planted on the floor in front of her which was even more annoying.

“So, you missed me?” Amused, and still reeling from her lips that had just been glued to his, Bucky couldn’t help the way that his chest puffed out, pleased that she seemed as effected as he was. Reaching down, he picked up a purring Alpine who’d been circling their feet in figure-eights for the past several minutes, seeking any and all attention.

Closing the door behind Maggie as if nothing abnormal had happened, he strolled right past her and plopped the cat on to the perch of its tree. Shrugging off his jacket, he tossed it on to the back of her ugly green couch. Turning back to look at her, Bucky tried not to look too pleased as he watched her rest a cool hand on her flushed face, trying to slow her racing heart that he could almost hear as she watched him move through the room with an ease like he lived there.

‘God, he’s infuriating.’

Crossing her arms tightly over her chest, she schooled her expression into some ineffectual attempt at nonchalance because she was most definitely…chalant. But he didn’t have to know that. Irritated with his casual indifference, Maggie shrugged with a shake of her head, “Not at all.”

But, of course, she had. And she’d said as much in her voicemail which, she finally gathered, he definitely hadn’t listened to, and she was a little grateful.

Teasingly, Bucky leaned against her kitchen counter and crossed his arms, copying her posture, “So, you kiss all of your neighbors hello like that?”

The gesture stretched the fabric of his t-shirt across his arms and torso in a delicious way, showing each defined line that separated his biceps and pectorals. Her eyes darted from his that were still sparkling annoyingly, to his arms, and down to his chest before looking back at his face. What fucking business did he have wearing shirts that tight? Did he shrink them in the dryer or buy them too small? She knew that she’d been caught but he only acknowledged it with the little smirk growing wider on his face, second by second.

“Maybe.” Maggie swallowed, her throat suddenly dry and she searched whatever faculties remained in her brain to find lies to support her bluff. It was futile. Rolling her eyes, she shot back, “Meena from upstairs is very enthusiastic. A really great kisser.” 

Bucky's eyebrows rose in a look of fake surprise, giving an interested nod before he slowly stalked back towards her. His tongue traced over his bottom lip thoughtfully and Maggie’s wide eyes followed its path unabashedly as he moved closer, step by step, “Is she?”

She didn’t notice that she’d moved backwards until she bumped into the solid slab of the wooden door; there was nowhere else to go as Bucky came to stand toe-to-toe with her. She stood as tall as she was able to, her eyes refusing to stray from his like a game of chicken; she wouldn’t lose. In the stillness, her chest moved with each deep inhale as Bucky looked down at her, his expression both maddening and unchanging.

“…Mhm,” Barely remembering what she was responding to, Maggie nodded. Her teeth sank into the plush skin of her lower lip; before it could slip away, he gently cupped her chin and brushed his thumb over the soft, cherry cushion to soothe it before dropping his hand. Her head was already spinning.

Feigning thoughtfulness, though his mind was only occupied by her, Bucky’s brows drew together in faux concern, “You don’t sound so sure, Maggie.” A low rumble of a laugh broke from deep in his chest; she could feel the hot brush of his breath on her ear, and she shivered as he hummed, “I don’t think she could give you what I can.”

She didn’t know if the hand she’d placed on his chest was to keep him at a distance or to grab his shirt and yank him in closer, but she could feel the thump of each beat from his heart that was going just as fast as hers. With one hand pressed against the door beside her head, Bucky’s other brushed past her waist as it turned the lock slowly, sealing them in her apartment together with a barely audible click. His eyes searched hers for any hesitation before carefully replacing it on her hip. As he towered over her, he watched the smooth skin of her throat move as she swallowed.

They both knew that this—whatever the fuck it was—had been brewing between them for quite some time.

"What you can?" Her words were surprisingly level despite every single alarm in her body ringing out like there was a raging fire somewhere inside. “That’s some big talk coming from you, Barnes.”

Like a mountain lion that had cornered its prey, Bucky’s lips curled into a grin, the dimples in his cheeks peeking out at her once again as he promised, “Guess I’ll just have to back it up then, won’t I?”

As Maggie opened her mouth to give another, undoubtedly, smart-ass response, the chance was taken from her in an instant when his lips once again descended upon hers. His warm hand threaded through her hair, tangling itself in the wavy locks and holding her head firmly as he ferociously kissed her like it was the last time he ever could.

If it was, he would make it count.

Suddenly, it was like she couldn’t be close enough to him, her body pressed into his as her hands scrambled to find purchase wherever they could, his shirt, his hair, a shoulder, his back. Like he could read her mind, he dropped his hands low on her waist and gave her a gentle squeeze, boosting her to jump up and allowing her to wrap her graceful legs around his hips.

Locking her ankles behind his back tightly, Maggie laced her arms around his neck to keep their bodies close. As he pressed her into the apartment door, she could feel every inch of him against her like a hot weight, the hard planes of his muscles contrasting with her softer curves.

Mind still racing as she squeezed her thighs tightly around him, feeling something hard pressing against her thigh, Maggie almost had to question if she’d fallen asleep. Maybe she’d bumped her head or had a fucking aneurysm because she was kissing Bucky. Her neighbor Bucky. Her friend Bucky. The-one-she-pretended-she-couldn’t-stand Bucky. And she was pretty certain that they were going to do much more. And she was pretty certain that she couldn’t wait any longer.

On some level of consciousness, she knew that she’d let out a soft whimper as his hips rocked against hers and his teeth accidentally grazed her bottom lip. The little sound definitely had not gone unnoticed by his enhanced hearing—especially if the gravely groan that he’d given her in response was any indication.

Taking a step back from the door, Bucky effortlessly wrapped the cool metal of his left arm around her back to keep her steady as his right drifted down from her hip so he could better hold her up.

Her entire body felt like it was vibrating with want or need or a combination of both as he held her close. She could feel the warmth of his fingers give a gentle squeeze to the pillow of her ass and she detached their lips with a breathy moan as she met his eyes. His pupils had been blown wide, the typically light blue now just a thin line surrounding blackness.

Almost certain that she looked like a bobble-head as she nodded, she couldn’t find it in herself to give a shit and demanded him to move with a single word, “bedroom,” before crashing her lips back into his.

There wasn’t a single, rational thought going through her mind aside from the feeling of his searing touch as she ran her fingers through his cropped hair. His tongue traced her bottom lip, and she opened her mouth, letting him in as he massaged her tongue with his. Their apartments had been laid out in an opposite floorplan, so he found her room with irritating ease. Careful not to bump the priceless item in his arms into the wall or door jamb, he carried her down the hall, still attached by the mouth.

A needy groan was pulled from deep in his throat as her fingers tightened in his hair at the nape of his neck and it was finally her turn to have the upper hand. The throaty noise shot straight to her core, and she was reminded of his rigid length that was still pressing against her clothed sex, pulling all of her attention between their legs; she could already feel herself growing wet. The way that her body intensely demanded to feel his upon it was distracting and she only wanted more.

Would it ever be enough?

Crossing the threshold of her bedroom, it was like suddenly every sensation and emotion was magnified. Were they really about to do this? She could feel each atom in her body shaking in a cocktail of excitement and anxiety.

Silently and suddenly self-conscious, Maggie noted the fact that her makeup from the day had long since been removed with some of the black mascara still smudged beneath her eyes. Her hair was undoubtedly in disarray from the way he’d run his fingers through it, and she was clad in her typical, comfy home wear: tight leggings with a rip down near the ankle, some thick socks, and a big shirt that swallowed her frame whole.

Shit, when was the last time she’d shaved her legs?

A seductress, she was not—but she didn’t want to stop. As she got lost in her mind for just a second, he somehow managed to pull her back down to earth with one last sweet kiss that lingered before pulling back. Somehow, when Bucky gently laid her on the unmade bed with her pillows smushed near the headboard and a blanket half on the ground, every insecurity that she’d had temporarily melted away.

He looked at her like she was Michelangelo’s Pieta, and he was going to worship at her alter.

Kneeling above Maggie with one of his legs resting between hers, he easily held himself up as his lips trailed down her neck before gently nipping at the sensitive spot beneath her ear, making her back arch. Her face burned red as the cotton that separated her soaked core from his leg grinded up against the hard muscle of his thigh needily and she let out an embarrassingly loud whine.

Grasping blindly at the back of his t-shirt with clumsy hands, Bucky understood her silent demands and chuckled as he leaned back to shed the layer. Hungrily, her eyes devoured the sight of the skin that she’d never seen before, and she sat up only to yank him back down on top her with a giggle.

Some of the tension left his body as she paid no attention to the scarring that covered his chest and shoulder, the pink, shiny skin so evident despite the low light. He felt the hand of hers that wasn’t woven into his hair, cautiously drift over the border from bare skin to the black and gold laced vibranium and he shivered. Maggie’s touch was soft, almost delicate as if she was scared that she’d hurt him, but the trail left in the wake of her touch was the most beautiful thing that he’d felt in years.

“Off,” Maggie whispered against his lips, as her head rested against a pillow.

At the single word, Bucky pulled back; his eyes worried as he hovered over her, “Do you—”

Shaking her head at the miscommunication, Maggie laughed softly as she removed her sweater herself and tossed it somewhere over the side of the bed. Bucky’s eyes were immediately drawn to the lace of her bralette that framed her pert breasts and ran down the sides of her ribs. The light, sage green shade of the crisscrossing fabric with mesh windows and little rosettes reminded him of spring, and she looked more beautiful in the color than the world outside the window.

 “I meant my sweater, dummy.” She murmured, pressing her lips against his collarbone and up the side of his neck. With a roll of her eyes, Maggie slowly dragged his hand up to the center of her chest where a tiny bow obscured the clasp on the green lace, “And this. Not you.”

Letting out a soft chuckle, relieved and just as nervously excited as her, he murmured teasingly, “Need you to be more specific then, darling.”

As the black metal of his vibranium hand moved up to aid in undoing the tiny, gold clasp and brushed against her flushed skin, she shivered at the contrasting temperature between them. His eyes stayed on hers, and his brow furrowed but Maggie shook her head just slightly, all but reading his mind in the moment. He hadn’t been with anyone since he’d gotten the vibranium limb and there was a constant fear that played like static on a tv in the back of his mind, so worried that he’d hurt her.

As the scrap of lace fell limp and she slipped it off her arms, Bucky’s starved eyes fell to the two, perfect mounds on her chest, just slightly asymmetrical with sweet, pink peaks that pebbled as the air brushed across them and begged for his mouth.

Propping himself up with his left arm, he was surprised when she laced those fingers with her own. In a quiet moment of calm, she gave him a tender smile before recapturing his lips and dragging his other hand over her skin.

“Touch me.”

“Mm, here?” Lightly brushing a hand over her bare abdomen as he traced down her torso, Bucky kissed and bit and sucked a spot low on her neck; she was almost certain he was going to leave a mark, but she didn’t care. She wanted him, all of him.

Trailing down, he mouthed at the fair skin of her breast, his tongue laving slowly against the puckered little bud. Much to her chagrin, as she shook her head at his question, distracted by his mouth, she tried to grab his wrist and move it to where she wanted. He resisted and slipped his fingers beneath the waistband of her leggings, feeling her warm skin with his palm pressed flat, low on her belly. The black, elastic fabric conformed to his hand as he trailed his touch further south, teasing curiously, “What about here?”  

Finally finding her voice, just enough to brokenly instruct him, Maggie felt her nails dig into his back as she pleaded, “Lower…”

Bucky either didn’t notice or didn’t give a shit that her nails were leaving marks in his skin as he feigned realization and finally slipped his hand completely beneath the fabric and trailed his middle finger through the obscene wetness that had collected as a result of his teasing, “Oh, you meant here.”

“Yes, fuck,” She mewled as his warm digit easily swiped over her folds, catching just slightly on the swollen nub of her clit before slipping back between her lips. Blushing red, she could feel her walls clenching around nothing and whimpered; all of the muscles in her body contracted at the zap of pleasure that spread out from the epicenter as she begged, “More…”

Detaching his lips from her soft, sweet skin, he met her eyes as he gently tugged at the stretchy black fabric. Nodding, she lifted her hips, her teeth digging into her lip as he quickly removed them and tossed them over his shoulder. Blue eyes that were obscured by his black pupil drifted down over her and he exhaled, “So beautiful.”

Chuckling as her hands immediately went to work on his belt, Bucky sat up and her mouth watered at the sight of his obscured bulge that was straining eagerly against the dark denim. As he helped undo the buckle, he ‘tsked’ playfully, “Someone’s impatient,”

“Bucky…” Maggie pouted as she grasped at the soft denim and he quickly appeased her, finding, once again, that he was unable to deny her for too long. Shoving the jeans down, he kicked them on to the floor before hovering above her.

Could someone’s favorite past time be something that they’d only experienced for the first time, just moments ago? Because if so, his lips moving against hers had taken the title for him. Directing his fingers back to where they’d left just moments ago as she spread her legs for him, he let out a low groan as he felt her wetness all but dripping onto the wrinkled sheets beneath them.

“I’ve got you, doll.” Slipping a digit between her lower lips once again, he teased back and forth before cautiously slipping his thick finger inside. As she gasped softly into his mouth, he ensured, “This okay?”

“God, yes…” At her approval, Bucky began to fuck her with it, each slow drag in and out, again and again, driving her insane. Without needing to ask, another finger joined its ministrations and a low throaty moan slipped through her lips, spurring him on as his motions quickened. Rocking her hips up as his thumb drifted ever so lightly over her clit, Maggie let out a broken, “ah—” and she could feel her wetness covering his fingers as they slipped in and out easily.

Feeling herself grow close to the edge, she grabbed his wrist abruptly, her teeth digging into her lip, “Want you inside when I…”

Chuckling, Bucky didn’t stop moving his fingers that were inside of her, even if she had his wrist stilled. Spreading her legs further apart, a dumbstruck look of surprise gracing her features, her eyes followed his down to where he continued readying her, massaging her inner walls, and turning her body to jelly with every stroke. Whimpering as he circled her swollen bud again, Maggie felt herself shiver. He nudged, teasingly, “When you what, doll?” At the speechless, doe-eyed expression on her face, he grinned, “What? When you come? When you come for me?”

“Yes,” Breath catching in her throat, any indignance lost in her breathiness, Maggie felt the muscles in her stomach clench as she gripped the sheets.

Just as he felt her walls beginning to tighten around his fingers, he slipped them from her heat and sat up. Shooting her a wink as she whined at the sudden loss of her orgasm, he sucked her essence from his fingers and groaned at the sweet, heady taste. Sitting up, propping herself on her hands, her tongue wet her flushed lips as she watched him shed his boxers.

“Do you have a—”

“On the pill.” Shaking her head, she cut him off, staring unabashedly at the thick length, hanging heavily between his legs. It was long, girthier than she’d ever taken, and she chewed her lip, anticipation lighting up each nerve ending in her body as she imagined it pounding into her. Fuck.

“Clean?” Maggie asked, already certain of the answer.

“Yeah.” Spitting into his hand, Bucky gave a few short strokes up and down his shaft before her smaller hand wrapped around his base, jealous of him for touching it when she hadn’t yet had the chance. Tilting his head back, he let out a low groan as she pumped him slowly.

Laying back against the pillows, pulling him down with her, Maggie’s teeth nipped against his earlobe before murmuring quietly, “Then fuck me like you mean it, Barnes.”

Mouth dry at her order, he nodded dumbly, and she giggled as he agreed, “Whatever you want.” Feet planted on the mattress, she almost blushed at how wide open she was for him. Holding himself up with one arm, Bucky watched as he used his swollen head to spread the wetness around her messy little cunt and slowly sank inside her tight hole with one slow push, groaning, “Fuck…”

“Oh…” Moaning, tilting her hips and letting him fill her completely, Maggie let out a shuddering breath at the unfamiliar stretch as the trimmed hair at the base of his cock brushed against her clit. Cautiously, she rolled her hips up into his; as he let out a low groan, she pressed her face into his neck and hiked one of her legs up around his hips, letting him sink in deeper, and nodded, her words muffled against his skin as she begged breathily, “Move, please.”

“Mm, look at you, being so polite.” Carefully dragging out, Bucky choked on a chuckle as her walls squeezed around him, begging his cock to stay inside, before thrusting back into the tight warmth, burying himself inside her all over again. He set a slow, leisurely rhythm as he mouthed at the creamy skin of her neck.

Through her fragmented moans, Maggie bit back, “I’m—oh fuck, not gonna say thank you.”

“We’ll see about that.” Grinning, he picked up his pace and began to pound into her; the sound of their skin, smacking over and over and the obscene squelch from her wetness that coated his cock, made her blush. Rocking into her, he grunted lowly, “Jesus, baby, you’re so fuckin’ wet…”

Angling his hips just right, the thick head of his cock nudged the spongey spot deep inside of her and she keened, the muscles in her body clenching, “Right there—oh!” Feeling the wire inside of her stretching taut, she whimpered out, “Fuck, I’m…”

“You gonna come for me, darlin’?” Using a finger, he circled her clit slowly, the glacial motion juxtaposing the furious snap of his hips into hers. Through a hot, lazy kiss, he goaded, “Show me how good you can be when you listen.”

Panting, Maggie rolled her eyes though her words held no heat, “Fuck you,”

“I am.” Bucky’s thick words were just a low growl against her ear as he stopped moving deep inside of her and taunted despite her desperate, moaning whine, “Do you need me to fuck that sweet little pussy even harder so you can remember?”

As he grinded his hips against hers, the hand that kneaded her breast pinched its dusky peak punishingly and he grinned like the devil. Maggie clenched tightly around him at the change in action as she begged breathily, “Bucky—oh…”

“That’s it,” He praised her, watching every slight change in her blissful expression. As Maggie squirmed needily beneath him, Bucky resumed his brutal pace and rested his forehead against hers as he felt his balls begin to tighten. There was almost a tint of desperation coloring his words as he muttered, “Yeah, come on my cock and I’ll come with you, sweet girl, fuck—lemme feel you squeeze that tight little pussy ‘round me, mm, let me feel you, that’s it, honey…”

The tension inside of Maggie snapped, dragging him over the edge with her as her walls spasmed, contracting around him and sending a shockwave of white-hot pleasure through her veins as she cried out. Thrusts growing sloppy, his hips were flush against hers as he spilled into her, the tight, steady pulse of her cunt squeezing him and milking every last drop as he shuddered in completion.

His face was tucked into her neck, her mouth open as she tried to catch her breath, her body still electrified and twitching with the little aftershocks that ran through her. Slowly, she unwrapped her legs from where they’d been hitched up around his hips. Moving so his body wasn’t laying on top of her tiny frame, Bucky collapsed beside her before gathering her in his arms, pulling her back towards him.

She could feel his cum leaking down her thigh as he slipped out and she shivered. Still flooded with the endorphins that accompanied her orgasm, Maggie contentedly rested her head against the bare skin of his chest in a few moments of sated silence. Tracing her finger between his scars like an endless maze, she chanced a glance up at him. Spotting his furrowed brow as he watched her, she let out a soft giggle that sounded like music to his ears.

“Don’t think too hard, Barnes.” Whether she was saying that for him or herself, she was unsure. She didn’t want to think so hard; for the first time in a long time, she felt good but maybe that was the orgasmic glow talking. Reaching up, Maggie brushed her finger down the line that had formed between his eyebrows from years of intense thinking and down his nose’s bridge. The tip of her finger landed on that of his nose, and she teased, “You’re too old for that. You might hurt yourself.”

At her teasing words and impish, little grin, he let out a playful grumble as he rolled her onto her back beneath him, caging her in with both of his arms. With her kiss bitten lips and a blush that spread from her cheeks and down her bare chest, she looked like an angel or a siren from his dreams—something that had called for him and he’d had no choice but to answer.

Cockily, Maggie’s expression faded into something of an innocent, little smirk as she pushed playfully, “What? Are you gonna punish me?”

With a nip to her exposed neck, he whispered against her skin, “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

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[builder051]

Hello! Hope you’re having a good day :)

I was wondering if you’d write something for your powers/no powers verse where Bucky is too depressed to take care of himself and he ends up suffering a fall/passing out as a result? Maybe Steve tries to take care of him in the aftermath?

Yes, absolutely!

TW for general plot of bucky v depression-> mental health issues, depression, medication, depression-related weight loss and related body talk, mild emeto/nausea

____________________

It's Sunday. That awkward time in the middle of the month where the paycheck's landed in the bank account, the regulars are all restocked, and Steve fiddles with minimal excess, flipping pages on the banking app on his phone the way others might read the newspaper.

Put it in savings, he probably should. Not that $82 would do much but perhaps a few more fractional cents' worth of interest to the modest money-pile that sits, waiting for him to spend it on who-the-fuck-knows-what.

He could spend it on gas, back and forth to the farm a couple times. Ferry Bucky for sunshine and sustenance. The peaked roofs of the apartment buildings lend their area just a bit paler, greyer, like the sidewalk, even in fully blossoming Spring. But out in the country, with no large objects causing shadow, save the barn's growing, leaning shape, always ensuring the trampoline isn't overheated...

Steve happens to know the peeling Adirondack chairs are stacked beside Clint's overwhelming tool station, just inside the barn door. "All fixed up and repainted every year," he'd told Steve on their last visit. "I swear Leila's gonna make me do pink and purple stripes this hear..." he'd shaken his head.

Steve had laughed. Then he'd caught a glimpse of Laura settling what had to be a pair of Clint's sunglasses on Bucky's nose. He kept twitching, then apologizing. But on their way home, Bucky turned the case for Steve's Ray-Bans over and over in his hands. "How do you spell 'Oakley...?'"he'd asked.

But treating Bucky... Steve's done it to death. The weighted blanket. The heating blanket. The cooling blanket. Always brand name, made in America. No replicated junk meant to entice with low face prices, only to disappoint later with shipping fees, shipping times, and abject disasters when they showed up.

They'd been abject disasters when they'd shown up anyway. The weighted blanket was... tolerable. For three hours or so, until Steve accidentally lay down on top of it on his side of the bed whilst Bucky was asleep beneath it on the other, and, upon spooking awake from Steve still isn't sure what, he'd panicked, assumed he was bound, subconsciously jumped into the reflex to fight. He got sick. He stayed scared. And for the first time in memorable history, Steve broke city waste guidelines and threw out an armload of garbage without placing it in a plastic bag first.

The warming blanket was better, keeping Bucky from trembling and going grey when he went to bed alone. Steve assumed it was for night use only; Bucky would toast himself between the sheets while Steve showered or moved the laundry or did the dishes, then they would unplug the thing and use it as a footwarmer over the end of the bed, slowly cooling as they shared body heat up top. But then... things started going downhill. Faster than skiing straight from the lift with poles abandoned, Bucky dropped from slim to skeletal. He'd take coffee. Black. Finish perhaps a quarter of a mug. Maybe he knew Steve was disappointed, a bit scared, even. Maybe he was scared himself. So Bucky let Steve kiss him before he left the bedroom, descended the stairs, and headed off to work. It took a couple of days of repetition for Steve to catch what was soon began happening, its danger, and how much he detested himself for putting things that way to begin with. He'd call around for Bucky, still in his work shoes, then, inevitably, start flipping on lights as made his way up to the bedroom. Steve's hands, pink and lightly warmed from rattling on the handlebars of his bike while swathed in their thick leather gloves, felt like ice lifting Bucky's wet hair away from his neck. So much sweat had pooled around his sacrum and in the crook of his stomach and curled-up legs that he might've wet the bed.

Bucky'd shrieked. Steve had broken the cord connecting the blanket to its controller, putting too much force behind his attempt to unplug all the attachments so he could throw the thing in the wash. Now broken, Steve threw the blanket in the corner and rushed for towels. He even searched the back of the closet for a soft waterproof pad he'd taken as a hand-me-down from a retired police dog, just in case Nat talked him into hot yoga again. Steve found it. He also found a decrepit suitcase with only one wheel, into which he shoved the blanket, not even bothering to fold.

The next morning, Steve kicked Bucky downstairs to lie on the sofa and watch television. He could have as many blankets as he wanted, as long as they were cotton, and he didn't move from the spot where Steve had tucked the dog pad into the crevices of the sofa. Already blinking at almost-muted and double-captioned Deadliest Catch, Bucky didn't notice Steve making a second trip upstairs to get the suitcase, nor did he seem to know that Steve took the car rather than his motorcycle. The car generally yielded Steve a quicker route, but not that day. He pulled off and threw the case into a woody patch a little ways off the highway. He hoped then, and still does now, that if anyone went to open it, they were relieved not to find the man the heat-trapping fabric and shoddy conduction coils had nearly killed off.

Last payday's extra bits had purchased a new set of bedding, yet again. Something's going a bit off with Bucky's internal workings, and although the high temperatures outside haven't topped the mid 80s Fahrenheit, he seems to break into a warm, clammy sweat as soon as he walks into a room with windows during daylight hours.

The apartment manager won't flip the overall temperature control system from heating to cooling until the start of June, so there's nothing Steve can really do about it. He'd be willing to throw the spare cash at the electric bill, if it would make Bucky feel better, but it's a dead end.

So are the oscillating fans in the corners of the living room and bedroom. Despite their claims and expense, the output is low, and Bucky can't hear over their background buzz unless they're turned to the setting that wouldn't affect the flight path of a gnat.

The next best choice is up in the laundry room, waiting for Steve to get of his ass and go from pretending to be productive to actually beating those last few weekly requirements out of the last possible day before it's back to the workweek grind.

Waterproof mattress cover. Cooling blanket. Cooling towels. Waterproof pillow cases. A memory foam positioning block, set with ripples of supposedly therapeutic blue gel. Some of it is out of its packaging, some of it isn't. Steve thinks he tossed the once ultra-compressed mattress pad that had started blooming like unwatched bread dough into the washing machine, if not just to keep it from taking up the entire closet-sized room.

As he mentally recounts his purchases, what they'd looked like in and out of the formidably-sized mailing boxes, and how they may work once they're put to use, Steve hears a slumping thud coming from just that vicinity of the upstairs.

The poorly constructed, yard-long hallway made up of a the doorframe of the linen closet, an inch of uninsulated stud covered in plaster and paint, and the doorframe of the laundry room is an echoy mess, even though it's carpeted, and the tile under the washer and dryer compresses under Steve's toes. Something about the lack of insulation, or the way the strip of middling wall either vibrates the house or begins to disintegrate if touched with a hammer--Steve had attempted to anchor the touch-light with a nail, as indicated in the instructions. In the end, he'd internally cringed as he chose to go with a Command Strip instead. It all makes him a little nervous. For getting the deposit back, if nothing else.

But, no. Steve's sure the wall composed of pressed powder hasn't combusted this time. He's already responding before his mind is done processing the sound. Did it end with the slight creak of the stressed carpet-backing? No, more like the unsettling, deflated-basketball sound of flesh on the tacky flooring in the yoga studio, guaranteed to be made with at least 50% recycled products. Steve's narrow knowledge of bumps and bruises that sound like that are generally the result of people slipping in their own sweat.

He isn't sure what the cheap, screenprint-linoleum crossbreed sounds like when impacted with, say, a shoulder, or a head, rather than the twist-on foot of something large, square, and aluminum.

Steve takes the stairs two at a time, abandoning his phone on the bench between the coat rack and front door. No distractions. Rescue only.

It might only be the top of the washer popping open, Steve tries to tell himself. Maybe he started the load. The mattress cover might've gotten too saturated. Too much soap? Maybe it's all just an I-Love-Lucy moment.

But Steve's gut tells him that's not quite the case. There was no metallic ring to the noise. Even the clanks of him stacking up the change he finds in the dryer sounds distinctive, alloy against non-matching alloy clashing like they'd be kicked out of the marching band.

The washer didn't pop randomly. He never started the load, Steve knows. The dryer vacuum seals, even though the rubber inside the portal-style door looks like it's been chewed by a stray puppy. There's only one kind of disaster left. And Steve really hopes his extra funds aren't going toward a copay for a weekend visit to the ER.

"Buck?" Steve asks as he thunders into the hallway, grasping both edges of the doorway to slow himself to a stop before he carries on into the large, square appliances, no matter of the mess dominating the floor in between.

"Oh." Steve lets out his breath as he slowly sinks to his knees. "Buck. Hey, it's me..."

Bucky's legs splay at a slightly odd angle, but the feet turned in opposite directions basically tell what's happened. A simple trip over the toes, or maybe a premature tripping over the reflection of the toes caught in the front of the shiny white washing machine. Steve's been a little dubious of Bucky's vision for a while. Just like he's been dubious of his hearing. But since Laura sent the gift certificate and Steve spent three painstaking hours with his laptop on max brightness, scrolling again and again through all the customization options, Bucky's barely taken the Oakley shades off--if not his eyes, than perched atop his head. Oakley makes prescriptions, Steve recalls. Maybe that's where he'll bank his dollars...

"Steve...?" It's slow. And it's a question. Neither of which bode well.

"Yeah," Steve returns brightly, pretending he neither knows nor cares. "You ok?"

"I--uh--" Bucky makes a shallow swallow that doesn't move anything past his cheekbones. He rotates his neck from sideways to upright as if to try again, but gives up and returns to the original resting position. "Fell down, I think."

Bucky's torso, measured from the side, can't be more than six inches, spine to widest rib. There's a clear arch separating his lumbar region from the floor; any meat or fat he had back there must've been lost over winter when he slumped over into bad habits and bedrest and baggy sweatshirts. His swim trunks won't fit him, Steve thinks, with a hit of sadness. The Bartons will dig out the above-ground pool soon. Not that Bucky would want to be seen in swim trunks. Or even be able to handle the exertion of pool play.

Bucky's face stays grey, and he starts to gag-swallow again. There's a dribble of clear fluid on the floor, indistinguishable from laundry detergent or even water, but Steve gets what's going on. He scoops his arm behind Bucky's neck and takes gentle hold of his stump shoulder, which is flush against the front wall of the dryer. Steve carefully tips Bucky upward and sideways to let him couch and drain the mucous slug before helping him arrange himself forehead to knees as they wait for the worst to fade.

Steve keeps four fingers perched on the crowning bumps of Bucky's spine. His thumb pets fine lines over the muscle stretching outward to Bucky's good shoulder. The skin and bone and sinew all tremble as if stuck in perpetual motion, still riding momentum from power set behind an action long since forgotten.

"'M sorry..." Bucky mumbles into the deep cradle of his pelvis. He's nearly given the echo of a cavern, considering the empty space between his concave ribs and stomach and the flats of his thighs.

"It's not like you meant to." Steve shrugs. He doesn't intend to be flippant. But he's done laying blame. "What can I do to help?"

"I don't know..." Bucky deflates, as little as he's able to. A bit more of him falls toward the floor, and Steve shoves his knee behind Bucky's shoulders to keep him from flattening out and experiencing the hardness of the fake tiles again.

Fearing he's lost Bucky into the haze of depression-speak again, Steve tries changing his wording. "What do you want? Right now, what can I do?"

Bucky pauses a moment. "Get this taste out of my mouth?" He raises one eyebrow, but the rest of his face looks small. Sad. Like he's taking basic comfort and making it into a luxury only a king could deserve.

"Of course." Steve nods. "Bathroom? Swish-n-brush, or something like that?"

"Ugh." Bucky gulps. "Pointy things down my throat..."

Steve lets his lips form a concerned half-smile. "Yeah, there is the gag reflex to consider. What else could we try?"

Bucky blinks. Presses his mouth into a line. "Um. Coffee?"

"Like, downstairs breakfast coffee?" Steve's surprised, and he wants to clarify.

Bucky looks slightly embarrassed as he nods. "Yeah..."

"Alright." Steve's willing to play along. A couple calories. Definitely a serving of comfort. Maybe a little more nervous energy than strictly necessary. "Do you mind if I give you decaf?"

"Hm." Bucky's cheek twitches as he gives a hoarse half-laugh. "That would be fine."

"Good." Steve leans in close and gives Bucky a kiss on the temple. "'Cause I plan to keep you."

#marvel #mcu #fanfic #fanfiction #captain america #steve rogers #bucky barnes #winter soldier #powers/no powers choose your own adventure #sickfic #emeto #emetophilia #nausea #depression #bucky vs depression #war veteran bucky barnes #amputee bucky barnes #protective steve rogers #temperature disregulation #hurt/comfort #depression related weight loss #ed tw #body talk

[merakiaes]

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT BUCKY AND SARAH

TFATWS EP.5 SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!

Do you know what I love the most about Bucky and Sarah’s interactions in the latest episode?

The fact that we got to see Bucky as Bucky, for the first time in a long time. 

After having gone through literal hell, he’s become reserved, suspicious, and uncertain. He’s hesitant and just generally unwilling and uninterested in creating new bonds, partly because of his trust issues and the inevitable fear of being stabbed in the back, abandoned and betrayed, but also because of his deep self-hatred. 

He has developed somewhat of a habit of not purposely putting himself in other people’s lives more than absolutely necessary, because he doesn’t want them to have him in their lives. He feels like people are better off without all the baggage that he comes with; without the trauma, without his dark past and horrible deeds. 

And then Sarah walks in. He takes one look at her, and it’s like time just stops and rewinds 80 years.

He suddenly takes the first step to start a conversation, to introduce himself, and obviously goes out of his way to appear charming in a similar way to when he first tried introducing himself to Peggy Carter. 

He pulled out the old lopsided, boyish grin, the smooth voice, the sparkling eyes that just say: “I’m into you”, and rather than trying to cover it up and be subtle about it, he made it painfully obvious what he was doing, letting his eyes take their sweet time in openly checking her out with full intent of letting her know what he thought of her. No shame, but on the contrary, with pride. 

Suddenly he’s flirty. Confident. Open. Initiative. Curious. Interested; something he hasn’t been since before his Winter Soldier days; not even with Leah with whom he was still very withdrawn and, in my opinion, appeared very unwilling to even consider bonding and opening up to.

And now we suddenly get to see him as the go-getter he used to be before Hydra. Before all that super soldier and brainwashing shit. We get to see him as the first person to start a conversation, rather than just speaking when spoken to; again, like we saw on his date with Leah - he didn’t go out of his way, whatsoever, to show her that he was actually interested.

But with Sarah: he shows no doubt, no fear, no uncertainty. Just genuine interest and intrigue. He sees something he likes, something he wants, and actually makes the move to go after it. No self-doubt, no self-hatred, no internal “I’m a monster and shouldn’t initiate any new relations with people who deserve better”-thoughts. 

Just....: “I’m Bucky” , with that overly-cocky, shit-eating, playboy-ish grin that we all know and love from back in his golden days.

She answers him with her own name, and he repeats it, looks down, and has to bite his fucking lip to contain his smile, and totally fails in doing so when his entire face breaks into a grin as he walks away with Sam. 

It’s genuine. Happy. It comes naturally and doesn’t have to be forced like most of his persona and relations are nowadays.

Even if only for the moment, his guilt-ridden conscience and shame disappears, and for the first time in a long time, it just comes naturally for him to put himself out there. Because that’s him. In this moment, he’s able to be himself without reading into it, without over-thinking it. It just happens. 

And even after all this time, this man still has fucking game, leaving her blushing, fiddling with her hands and looking down at her feet while smiling like a fucking school girl. 

To wrap it up, all of my points are just proven even further by the fact that Sam noticed, and specifically forbade Bucky from moving in on his sister. That only shows even further how genuine, real and natural his reaction to seeing and meeting Sarah for the first time was and it’s fucking incredible.

Like, this? You see this, right here? The way he looks her up and down, smiles, clearly likes what he sees and makes absolutely NO attempt in denying his attraction to himself, nor hiding it from his surroundings? The way he looks down, almost shyly, and then can’t stop smiling as he walks away?

This is Bucky. This is Bucky fucking Barnes. The real Bucky Barnes, who was buried so long ago. The flirty, charming, go-getting ladies man. 

And who was it that unburied him? Who was it that made him appear after all that time of just being a cold, hard shell? Sarah fucking Wilson, that’s who. She brought the old - the real - Bucky Barnes back with one look. 

Like, if you read his expressions, his mannerisms, the way his entire attitude shifts when she appears - you just know that man’s heart is doing fucking sommersaults in his chest.

If any of you think that I’m reading way too much into this, you’re wrong. Anyone who disagrees with me about any of this is wrong. I will not be taking any constructive criticism at this time, nor will I ever, because Bucky and Sarah are soulmates and you can’t change my mind. Thank you and goodnight. 

#tfatws spoilers #the falcon and the winter soldier spoilers #bucky barnes #sarah wilson #bucky x sarah #bucky barnes x sarah wilson #sam wilson #bucky and sarah #bucky barnes and sarah wilson

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

What's so important about the very ending scene of TFATWS, for me as an aro, is that Bucky is accepted into Sam's family without having a romantic relationship with any of them.

I know this might anger some SamBucky stans and that's not my intention, but Sam and Bucky were not framed romantically in that scene. It would be very obvious if it was supposed to be interpreted that way. But the two of them are close friends, and we can see that clearly. They've got a real and undeniable bond.

And that bond extends into a wider acceptance of Bucky into Sam's family. The rest of Sam's family accepts him too--he's like the fun, eccentric uncle who plays with the kids and gives out cake and maybe drives Uncle Sam a little crazy sometimes. Bucky belongs there, and he feels at home. He's relaxed and enjoying himself.

This is one episode after Bucky told Sam that he worried that, if Sam retired the shield, Bucky would lose the last bit of family he had left.

And even before officially, publically taking up the shield, and thus taking those worries out of the picture--Sam gives Bucky a new family. He opens his doors and brings him in and everyone surrounds him with such warmth and love that he is finally secure enough to make his final amends with Yamashita-san.

Bucky had put it off for so long because Yamashita was his only friend--his only comfort and companion in a life full of nightmares and old, dead things. But he was able to tell him the truth he deserved, and accept the fact that he would lose that friendship in doing so, because he finally had someone else there to go to for support, comfort, stability, belonging, you name it. He had a family again. Even though they weren't related by blood. And even though he didn't have romantic connections to any of them.

And that is critical for me to see as an aro. This life can be so long, and so lonely, and I often wonder what I'll do when I'm alone as an adult and something goes wrong and I have no one to turn to. Where will I belong, if I don't have a family? If there's no one to come home to, then is it really a home? Will I have to celebrate my birthdays with a solitary cake and mourn my losses without any shoulders to cry on? When I have nightmares, who can I tell about them?

These are debilitating worries, and I got to see Bucky struggle with them too. I saw him deal with such poignant loneliness in episode one, when he just wants to connect with other people, but can't trust them, can't be the person he wants to be. I saw him wake up by himself and watch Walker's announcement by himself and make amends by himself and go through so much by himself. I heard him struggle in therapy with his identity, and what he should do with his life (because what is it worth?), and break down a bit with Sam because what if he wasn't fixable? What if he was deluding himself into thinking he could be whole?

Bucky saying to Sam, "If he [Steve] was wrong about you, then he was wrong about me!" was really saying, "What if that's why I'm alone? What if I'm so bad and messed up and wrong that I won't ever have genuine connection with anyone--what if even the people who loved me left me behind because I'm just so broken?" This is particularly crushing because Steve abandoned Bucky for Peggy, a romantic partner. Steve was, as Bucky indicated through his later comments about the shield, the last family Bucky had left, and he summarily--and selfishly--abandoned Bucky, because someone else was worth more to him. (Talk about an aro nightmare, am I right?) It left Bucky reeling, depressed, and unable to find his identity or purpose. He was unable to trust people. He floundered.

And seeing all of these things matters. Through Bucky, I got to see someone struggle and fight through the same worries I have, the same issues I have, the same wounds I have. That in itself is therapeutic, to be honest. It was touching. I felt seen.

But it means so much more to me to see Bucky accepted into Sam's family without having to do anything "more" to belong. He didn't need to be in a relationship with anyone. He had no "concrete" ties to the family. Sam's family was under no obligation, social or otherwise, to accept him.

But they did.

They welcomed him in with open arms, and they showed him he has a family, and a place to belong, and someone to talk to about his nightmares (thanks, Sam), and that he wasn't alone. They helped him see he's allowed--and he deserves--to be happy, and to have a life he can enjoy, and people he feels comfortable with. They helped him overcome the things he struggled through.

They showed him he wasn't too broken to be loved--and maybe, he wasn't really broken, after all.

And for someone who so often feels broken herself, for those exact reasons, that is an incredibly healing message to hear. There is a space for me.

For all of us.

#marvel #tfatws spoilers #tfatws #fatws spoilers #fatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #meta #bucky barnes #sam wilson #the wilson family #aro #aromantic #my aromanticism #aromanticism #not saying i *necessarily* headcanon bucky as aroace but 👀👀 do i?? do i??? we'll never know #my meta posts #quality meta seal of approval #not to hype my own post up i just put that on all meta posts so that i can find them #kay can i just catch my breath for a second #queer #and this also partially stems from my irritation at how everyone sees sambucky as romantic without considering what it means to people... #...especially aros to see them as non-romantic. there are a ton of awesome things about friendship and theirs in particular #and i want them to be appreciated! because they are meaningful to so many people including me personally! so i made this post lol #anyways! #kay has a party in the tags

[oreosmilkshakes]

Mine; Part 2

Summary: A continuation of the first one.  Pairing: The Winter Soldier!Bucky Barnes x Reader Word Count: 1.9K Warnings: Mention of torture A/N: Well, as requested, here is part 2! Enjoy and comment on how it is! Edited and checked by @thebestdecoder​  ED/N: Apologies for any mistakes made in editing, RedBull doesn’t work on me anymore. Taglist: @tastingcevans @missingartist96 @generationallyfluid @paniniirae @felicityofbakerstreet @roguesthetic​ @igothroughphasesalot​

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the team came to be, Strike Team, led by Rumlow, had them surrounded with guns pointing at them. In no time, they cuffed Steve, Sam, and Natasha and threw them in the back of an armored truck.

“It was him,” Steve began, eyes on the cuffs. He felt a massive sense of guilt especially since finding out Bucky was alive and that he didn’t bother to find him after his fall. “He looked right at me like he didn’t even know me. Instead, he looked right at Y/N,” Steve was still in disbelief that Y/N’s soulmate was Bucky. Sam looked up at Steve. “How is that even possible? It was like 70 years ago? What’s worse is that that killing machine is Y/N’s soulmate,” Steve squeezed his eyes shut, choosing to avoid answering the second question. “Zola. Bucky’s whole unit was captured in ‘43. Zola experimented on him. Whatever he did helped Bucky survive the fall. They must have found him and--,” Natasha shook her head slightly, weak from her untreated wound. “None of that’s your fault, Steve,”

Steve sighed lowly. “Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky,” Natasha leaned back. “None of it is your fault, Steve. Even losing Y/N. I just hoped she did manage to escape from..from Bucky,” She was weakening and Sam took notice fast. He turned to the two soldiers. “We need to get a doctor here. If we don’t put pressure on that wound, she’s gonna bleed out here in the truck,” The first soldier ignited his stun rod, Sam leaned back a little. What he didn’t expect was for said soldier to attack the second, knocking him out effectively. Maria sighed, removing the helmet. “Ah, that thing was squeezing my brain,” The team was surprised to find an ally among the Strike Team. Time to make their big escape.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Slowly, Y/N came to be. However, it only came in short bursts. The first time she came to be shortly, bright light penetrated her eyes. She couldn’t see well, only blur filled her vision and in no time, she passed out again. The second time Y/N came to be, it was dark and the air smells stale. She tried to move but she couldn’t. She gave up and drifted back into the darkness. The third time Y/N came to be, she was fully conscious now. Her eyes fluttered open, accustoming her eyes to the dimly lit room. It seems like she was held hostage in an abandoned building but Y/N didn’t know for sure. The only giveaways were the newspaper-covered windows and the fact that the room she was in looked like a bedroom. Her eyes focused on the silhouette and almost instantly, fear sprouted in her chest. Y/N tugged hard on the binds, panting softly as she tried to get her hands and feet out of the bonds. 

(gif credited to the owner)

The Soldier turned to Y/N, his movements silent and intimidating as he moved closer to the woman. His metal hand reached out to touch Y/N’s cheek. He could not bring his soulmate back to HYDRA or else they would kill her. He knows HYDRA was ruthless in this sort of thing. So, to protect his soulmate, he took her to a safe place.

Y/N whimpered, scooting backwards until her back hit the wall. She shuddered when she felt the cool metal touch her cheek.

“Stop..get away from me,” Y/N begged quietly. All her training as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent was failing, the terror growing in her was overwhelming. The Soldier could easily kill her with a flick of his wrist if she wasn’t his soulmate, of course. 

“When I first saw colours, I never imagined my soulmate to look as gorgeous as you,” The Soldier’s voice was low, his metal thumb stroked her delicate cheekbone. 

“Don’t touch me,” Y/N attempted to sound strong, moving her face away from The Soldier’s touch. A low growl escaped the assassin’s lips, a metal hand gripped Y/N’s face lightly. “You are mine, doll. You belong to me because you are my soulmate. Even if you don’t like it, I don’t care. You will learn to love me,” The Soldier leaned in, the tip of his nose brushed against Y/N’s. The agent gulped, avoiding eye contact with the monster.

A soft beeping caught Y/N’s attention. It came from The Soldier. The assassin growled, annoyed by the sudden interruption but he had work to do. Without saying another word, The Soldier left, leaving Y/N all alone in the abandoned building.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Turns out, Fury was alive and on a long journey to a full recovery. It was apparently better for S.H.I.E.L.D. to believe that he was dead so HYDRA could work at a full scale and risk exposure.

Natasha was patched up and the team was gathered around a table for a briefing. Fury picked up a photo of Alexander Pierce, looking at it with his one eye. “This man declined the Nobel Peace Prize. He said peace wasn’t an achievement, it was a responsibility,” Fury threw the photo on the table, leaning forward. “See, it’s stuff like this that gives me trust issues,” Natasha sighed softly. “We have to stop the launch and find Y/N,”

Fury sighed. “I don’t think the Council’s accepting my calls anymore and as for Y/N, we will find her. It’s only a matter of time until we do so,” The director opened a case, revealing three chips.

“What’s that?” Sam looked down at it. “Once the helicarriers reach 3,000 feet, they’ll triangulate with Insight satellites, becoming fully weaponized,” Maria turned the laptop around. “We need to breach those carriers and replace their targeting blades with our own,” Fury added.

“One or two won’t cut it. We need to link all three carriers for this work because if even one of those ships remain operational, a whole lot of people are gonna die,” Maria sighed softly.

“We have to assume everyone aboard those carriers is HYDRA. We have to get past them, insert these server blades. And maybe, just maybe we can salvage what’s left-,” “We’re not salvaging anything,” Steve cut off.

“We’re not just taking down the carriers, Nick. We’re taking down S.H.I.E.L.D. ,” “S.H.I.E.L.D. had nothing to do with this,” Fury fought.

“You gave me this mission. This is how it ends. S.H.I.E.L.D.’s been compromised. You said so yourself. HYDRA grew right under your nose and nobody noticed. And we still have no way of knowing how to locate Y/N. For all we know, she’s either dead or taken by Bucky,” Steve heaved out a heavy sigh of anger. “Why do you think we’re meeting in this cave? I noticed,”

“How many paid the price before you did?” Steve growled lowly.

Fury looked down and sighed. “Look, I didn’t know about Barnes,” “Even if you had, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that too? S.H.I.E.L.D., HYDRA, it all goes,” Fury sighed, deciding it was best to give in. He leaned back on his seat, eye on Steve. “Well, it looks like you’re giving the orders now, Captain. As for Y/N, Hill and I will work on that. We still have some tricks up our sleeves,” Fury nodded to Hill.

Steve looked at Sam and Natasha, nodding. “Then we’ll suit up,”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Soldier stood on the edge of the building, mind fuzzy and hand twitching. HYDRA electrocuted him, giving him another mind wipe. But this time, it wasn’t easy for a clean wipe. The Soldier had begun his resistance a long time ago. His cerulean eyes took in the colored view of the city. That was something those scientists could never wipe or know and that is The Soldier’s discovery of his soulmate.

The Soldier disappeared from the roof, making his way into the abandoned building. Y/N gulped, eyes widening as she heard heavy footsteps getting closer and closer. She worked her hands quickly, dragging a sharp edge of a broken wood against the rope. She silently cheered when the rope snapped free. The footsteps were close now and Y/N kept her hands to her back.

The Soldier stepped into the room, towering over her seated form. Y/N gripped onto her little weapon, glaring up at The Soldier. He approached her, eyes dark and expression was even darker. “What do you wa--,” Y/N was cut off with a metal arm gripping her arm. The Soldier pulled the agent to her feet, pinning her against the wall. His dark eyes examined Y/N’s features. He needed comfort after what HYDRA did to him again. The torture never stops. It never does. If The Soldier showed signs of disobedience, he’ll get shocked. Any signs The Soldier showed to HYDRA that was related to him being disobedient would get him punished.

The Soldier sought comfort in his soulmate, his nose brushed against the exposed skin on Y/N’s neck. ‘No, this wasn’t supposed to happen!’ Y/N mentally scolded herself. The Soldier felt warm though. But nothing about him smelled good. The Soldier smelled like smoke and gunpowder. Nevertheless, Y/N leaned into The Soldier’s shoulder. ‘What are you doing? You’re free, he’s vulnerable, attack him and run!’ Y/N’s mind reminded her. Shit, it was right. “I’m sorry,” Y/N whispered. She gathered all her strength and shoved The Soldier off her, the assassin grunted in shock as Y/N made a run for it. “Блядь! (Fuck!),” The Soldier growled,  immediately taking off to chase the woman. Y/N looked over her shoulder, eyes widening as the gap between them was closing and it was closing really fast. Y/N turned a corner, almost slipping. She had to find a way out fast. The Soldier was fast on her tail.

Y/N has never felt so much fear in her life. Not even when the Earth was invaded by the Chitauris. She dug into her sleeve, slipping out a small metal ball, and threw it at The Soldier. A bright flash and a deep groan indicated that the assassin was disabled. For now. The route down to the first floor was blocked and it seems like the only way is up. So up did Y/N went. “Soulmate!” The Winter Soldier roared in anger, his thunderous voice echoed throughout the stairwell.

Y/N’s hairs stood on end, looking down to see that The Soldier was climbing up the stairs twice as fast as her. “No, no!”Y/N cried out, trying to reach the upper levels of the building as fast as she could because The Winter Soldier was just a level below her. The frantic woman burst through the roof door, looking over her shoulder. However, when she looked to the front, it was too late. Y/N skidded to a halt, missing the edge of the roof and slipped. She screamed in fear, her hand grabbing the ledge.

(gif credited to the owner. Just The Soldier running)

The building was old, almost crumbling down. The edge of concrete Y/N held broke under her weight, the woman screamed in terror, flailing her arms to try and reach something to save her from the freefall.

Was this the end for Y/N?

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky fic #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #the winter solider x reader #the winter solider fanfiction #the winter soldier #bucky x you #bucky barns x y/n #bucky barns imagine #bucky barns x you #bucky barns fanfiction

[habaritess]

Lets talk about Sam Wilson in TFATWS.

Now I’ve talked about my issues with Sam in TFATWS and also how liked episode 5( I also liked 6...somewhat). Now while 5 and 6 were more Sam centric, I still do not think it saved the series for me. While I enjoyed the series as a whole, I still think it failed in what it should have been doing which is make Sam Wilson a more dynamic character. He wasn’t personally challenged enough in this series. He has stayed the same throughout the series. How did Sam from episode 1 changed from the Sam from episode 6? Sure, Sam learned about the truth about Isaiah and chose to become Captain America, but neither of those experiences truly challenged him like it should have. His decision to become Captain America happened largely off screen and it was the circumstances that made it happened and not really of his own choosing. Think about it. If Walker didn’t choose to murder that guy in broad daylight with the shield, would Sam have become Captain America? No, it still would have been with Walker. Sam took the shield back and with the shield in his possession, after Isaiah rejected the shield, Sam takes it upon himself to practice. We see in episode 5 Sam choosing to become Captain America, but rather the series being about that journey to that decision, we get Sam getting the shield due to circumstance and not from his own making. We never get a good insight on why Sam rejected the shield in the first place. Sure they hinted at it, but it was so surface level. It wasn’t in a way where we got to know Sam in the process. Much of what evolved was out of his hands and I think that was a big mistake.

I brainstormed about it and I think the biggest issue with the series is the inclusion of Walker. Now I actually liked Walker and enjoyed his development in the series, but when you really think about it, was he REALLY necessary? Part of the issue with TFATWS is that they had all these characters to develop with only 6 episodes to do it. Someone is going to get shafted and the unfortunate people was Sam and Karli and the Flag Smashers. The show would have worked better if it kept it at Sam, Bucky, Zemo and Karli gang. We really didn’t need Walker involvement. The Flag Smashers were suppose to be the main antagonists and they were the weakest point of the series to me. I also really question the decision for Sam to give up the shield in the beginning of the show( which open up the doors to Walker). First, by giving up the shield from the start, we as the audience miss Sam decision to make such a drastic choice. That decision is HUGE and us as the audience, missed the chance to really get inside Sam head. It would be a different story if the series furthered explored why he made that choice, but we never got that. All we know is that he has his reasons. The fact that it wasn’t further explored made Bucky apology to Sam about how he and Steve overlooked how accepting the shield would be for a black man fall flat. How did Bucky come to that conclusion and why didn’t we, as the audience, get to see it? All of Sam’s potential development is happening off screen and  Sam giving up the shield at the very beginning left Sam character stagnated.

Rather than Sam giving up the shield at the very beginning, we could have had a series that explore Sam choosing to accept the shield in the beginning, than going through experiences that delusions him from the shield, like having people actively fight against a black Captain America, some to the point where they would harm him to get it. You know, give him something that would have really challenged his character and allow him to experience more range of emotions. His decision to than accept the shield after all he experience would have much more of an impact because we got to see his struggles and how he overcome them.

Here another thing they could(should) have done. Why isn’t Sam upset with Steve? Think about it from Sam’s point of view. Sam risked his life and was on the run for years with Steve and he did it, ALL for Steve. What does he get in return for his loyalty? Steve decides to play with time and grow up in an era without Sam. While Steve has been five years without Sam, for Sam, it just been a couple of days. Wouldn’t you be upset that you sacrifice so much for a best friend who ups and abandons you? Of all the people who should be upset with Steve departure, Sam Wilson tops that list. We could have had a story that shows Sam conflictions with the Shield and Steve. Sam purposely keeps Bucky at arms length because that is two partners who he has lost, Steve and Riley, and he doesn’t want to go through that again. Part of his journey could be learning to trust in another partner because after Steve abandons him, Sam becomes strictly “no partner”. Bucky presence means confronting his anger/hurt/betrayal with Steve and confronting the death of his previous friend Riley. Look at that. There you could explore a more vulnerable, angry, and sad Sam Wilson without loosing what makes him great. He will still be the hero who looks out for others, but this series would fundamentally challenge him and we be able to see multiple sides of him, as it should. It would make Sam more relatable character because we would see something more than clear headiness from him. You know, like having a realistic range of emotions.

There was so much they could have explored for Sam character, but rather than explore him, they choose to make a lot of his development happen off camera. Since the same showrunner is likely to take over for the movie, I’m really nervous we might just get more of the same and we never get a deep dive into who Sam Wilson actually is.

#sam wilson #tfatws #the falcon #the falcon and the winter solider spoilers #the falcon and the winter soldier #sambucky #Bucky Barnes #anthony mackie #disney+ #marvel #disney plus #captain america #captain america and the winter soldier #john walker

[luna-rainbow]

TFATWS 1.06

I have so many issues with the entire script, but overall the final episode provided the neatness that the MCU world needed (yay, no more stray super soldiers!), while ignoring gaping plot-holes it dug for itself throughout the series.

Zemo: while I loved what Daniel Bruhl did with the character, the sheer amount of deus ex machina that occurred to include this character is phenomenal. Starting with Bucky making a completely uncharacteristic and self-destructive decision that out of all the contacts he knew from 70 years of working for Hydra, this Sokovian special op who tried to use him to kill half the Avengers was going to be the only expert on Hydra they have. Sam then makes an entirely uncharacteristic and bewildering decision to agree to take Zemo illegally. The entire world except Wakanda then makes the uncharacteristic decision to just ignore the fact a terrorist has broken out of jail, and in fact there is absolutely no consequence for Bucky. Ironically, the entire super soldier serum issue had nothing to do with Hydra, from its production, to its funding, to its theft or its users. Yes, Zemo was a great help in tricking the refugee kids in telling him information, but why couldn't this have been made to be a character moment for one of the two leads?

Karli: there are fantastic videos on YouTube explaining the deleted virus subplot that would have made the Flagsmashers and Karli so much more sympathetic. The idea of a plague background with a vaccine shortage, and people dying en masse because of inequity or obstructive governments would have given Karli powerful justifications for her increasingly radical actions. In a story like that, she would have died a martyr, but instead we're left with shredded hints of their motivations, a Mama Donya who we only meet in death, a meaningless chant that sounds creepily similar to the Chinese Communist Party's push for One Belt One Road, and no concrete plans or goals that suggest her fight would be worth it. Erin Kellyman did a beautiful job with this idealistic young woman driven to desperation, but the script failed her.

Walker: I like that they decided to make him do something good towards the end, but it also undermines what a redemption arc actually means. He gives up, momentarily, his pursuit of Karli in order to save the van, but has he really learned anything? Has he learned about his prejudices, his arrogance, his recklessness, or his anger issues? No. The blonde blue-eyed boy does one good deed and both Bucky and Sam welcome him into the team, which I thought was the whole point this series is trying to condemn.

Sam: I love what we saw of Sam in the last 2 episodes, but it should have been much more. His growth was all about agency: he took up the mantle on his own terms, in his own time; he tells Bucky to take control of his own identity, and in the end, he publicly calls out the Council for not giving agency to the people who need to be heard. What's frustrating and ironic is that in the first 4 episodes, Sam's role was passive. That's the other problem with including Zemo, because Zemo became the major driver of moving the plot along until they met Karli - in a series where both main characters needed more development. Apart from that one emotional scene of Sam cradling the shield, the script doesn't give him the backstory or the emotional range that Anthony Mackie deserves.

Bucky: I've already harped on about my views on how the series has insisted that Bucky makes amends. They've tried to force a redemption arc on him when what he needs is also agency. He repeatedly tells fellow super soldiers "believe me, don't go down that path" but the frustrating thing is, he never had the choice that they do, and this is never acknowledged by the script except in that 2 second exchange with Yori. His defining characteristic is Trauma, but nothing else is developed beyond that. What motivates him? What does he believe in? What does he fight for, when he's said he's tired of fighting? Even the trauma itself - why is there nothing else apart from guilt? Is there no anger towards his oppressors? No vengefulness? No grief about what he's lost? No fear about the pain he endured?

I've seen meta questioning Bucky's attachment to the Cap legacy, and I agree. Bucky followed Steve - in all 3 movies, he explicitly followed Steve and not the shield. As much as I love the proud, affectionate gaze he bestowed on Sam during Sam's speech, I almost wish we got a version of "I'm following the little guy from Brooklyn" here, rather than the "Nice job, Cap." It's Sam trying to give a voice to the ignored and oppressed that makes him someone Bucky wants to follow, particularly as this was personally identifiable for Bucky, who was kept voiceless for 70 years. I wish this was the point rather than Bucky's incoherent belief that the shield was "family" especially when Steve abandoned the shield every time he chose to help Bucky.

I have so much frustrations with the script because it could have been something more. Sam deserves something as emotionally poignant and universally relatable as Steve's backstory. Bucky deserved to be more than just a broken man defined solely by his trauma. The camaraderie developed so hastily in the last 2 episodes it felt more like watching Anthony and Sebastian than it did their respective characters. Maybe this will get better when I rewatch it in a few months, because watching things weekly definitely gives you time to pick at the little things. I wonder what would have been if Covid didn't happen and they didn't have to scramble the plot.

#tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #sam wilson #bucky barnes #helmut zemo #john walker #karli morgenthau #spoilers

[kelvintimeline]

marvel really reveal themselves as more and more horrible storytellers each day like you really can't keep character continuity huh. why the fuck would bucky care about the shield lmao the whole point is that he and steve knew and loved each other for who they were as People and didn't care abt captain america or the winter soldier. my favorite character got ruined already are they gonna do it to his boyfriend too smh

I am of two minds of this.

Best case scenario (in terms of like... writing with intention): Bucky is having a fucked up trauma response where he’s acting irrationally. Just like he went off on Sam implying that if Sam wasn’t meant for the shield, Steve Biden could’ve been wrong about Bucky, he is imbuing more meaning into the shield than he actually feels. He doesn’t care about the shield as a symbol but rather as his last tether to Steve, who seems COMPLETELY removed from Sam/Bucky’s lives now (note how his therapist mentioned Sam contacting Bucky... never Steve). 

This is a freak out about Steve disappearing in one more way. Steve couldn’t even have his legacy in Sam, he can’t even be around symbolically

This wouldn’t make his ongoing and honestly painfully ignorant dismissal of racism against Sam okay. But at least it would be an intentional sort of framing of competing needs ie Sam’s need to not be victimized by America’s perpetual racism vs Bucky’s declining mental health. AGAIN, I am not saying these things are equivalent or should be framed as such... just that it would be a sort of realistic take on the issue. Bucky is so obsessed with these last tethers of Steve he can’t (read: won’t) think about the deeper reasons why Sam would decline the shield. He’s making everything about Steve.

BUT this likely isn’t the case. Bucky’s mental health is two things in this show: a joke and a plot device. It isn’t a serious issue they’re giving significant weight.

Just like they’re dealing with racism as a sort of peripheral “If you get it, you understand what this scene is implying about race relations in America, if you don’t... just have fun!” issue, they’re doing much the same with Bucky.

And considering Sharon’s line about Bucky ~loving the stars and stripes and America~ schtick... I really do think the writers think... Bucky is an actual patriot.

Who respected Captain America as Captain of America and... not as Steve Rogers. Which is fucking BIZARRE.

Sam is the patriot. Sam is the one who deliberately fought for his country and (originally) followed Steve as an icon of America (obviously their relationship developed past this). Sam is the patriot who STILL turned down the shield BECAUSE he knows America so well and knows it would never accept a black man as their Captain,

But that would be too much of a straight forward criticism of America. So now Bucky is the patriot and Sam is a betrayer who just sort of passively accepts orders from the US Military and passively is hurt by racism and never EXPLICITLY says anything about either.

Marvel wants a show where deep politics are implied but still never too radical.

And it’s fucking their characterization of... everyone. Steve’s representation is worse than ever (he just... abandoned Sharon??). Bucky is a walking ball of racist microaggressions. Sam is back to being a dog of the state to contrast John Walker who ISN’T a military man. Sharon is fun now but like... she IS a cunt, which some people would say is bad (I don’t but like... people probably do).

Even Natasha comes out worse for wear in this show because she ALSO abandoned Sharon who she was like... mildly working but wasn’t allowed to interact with because that’s too many women and Marvel didn’t realize they could interact until Endgame.

Like... fuck man. FUCK

#falcon and the winter soldier #fatws #faws #spoilers #fatws spoilers

[caffeinatedbees]

Avengers Endgame’s problems

BE WARNED MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

Look, I LOVED Endgame.

Every grand entrance had me clapping along, every sad line had me nearly in tears and every reunion or joke had me smiling and laughing because I was genuinely happy to be there.

But, as much as I loved it, this movie had SERIOUS issues.

I won’t even go into the giant unexplained plot holes this time travel mechanism created, I just want to talk about some decisions I wasn’t happy with regarding some characters.

I’m talking mostly about what they did to Thor, Loki, Steve, Peggy, Bucky and most of all Tony.

Let’s start with the easy one to unpack- Thor.

The whole movie everyone laughed about how bad of a shape Thor was in without giving it any serious thought. The man lost everything and was so clearly experiencing some form of depression, PTSD or survivor’s trauma.

This serious issue so many struggle with was reduced to a comic relief made by a cheap shot centering his huge belly, fat shaming him and invalidating what he’s going through.

Thor has made great character development over the years, especially in Thor: Ragnarok and it was devastating to watch it completly reversed, and to watch countless of people’s experience with mental disorders caused by trauma be played for laughs. What they did to Thor was character assassination at its worst.

Now let’s say a few words about Loki.

Loki is one of the most loved MCU characters and it shows how much Marvel was afraid to make him the center of attention, by how little he was given.

At the first scene of infinity war he attacked Thanos, an enemy he knew well from his time in the void being tortured by him, with a simple knife, not using ANY of his powers (teleportation, illusions, telekinesis, Jotun powers…) and making himself look like a weak idiot he is certainly not. In fact, this was so absurd that it had people just straight up assuming he wasn’t actually dead and that he had a plan- a reasonable assumption given the fact that Loki’s character is known for being incredibly powerful, mischievous and cunning.  After all the speculations, what was he given in endgame? Nothing. Thor, despite being in a terrible state mostly because he lost Loki doesn’t mention Loki’s name even ONCE, instead he has the short pep talk with their mother that Loki so obviously needed and no one seems to even acknowledge it when Loki escapes with the Tesseract in a timeline we don’t even know still exists.

Now let’s move on to team Cap.

I really loved Steve’s moments throughout the film save for one major thing- the ending.

Captain America- the person who stated he can't ever retire because he just can't stand aside when injustices are done around him, the person who gave up everything to help his best friend Bucky, the person who knows he can’t ever stop fighting- THIS PERSON just abandons everyone, including his best friend who needs him more than ever now, and goes to live in the past with a girl he knew for a pretty short period. That was maybe the most out of character thing he could possibly do: Steve Rogers would not have stood by and watched Hydra take over S.H.I.E.L.D, He would not have done nothing to help his best friend who he knew was being brainwashed at the time and he would have most certainly not left everyone in the future alone when they needed him there.

And then, when he comes back, he doesn’t even so much as look at Bucky, the person was the most important thing in the world for him 2 minutes ago, and lets a guy he knows but a few years the mantle of being Captain America, and not to the one who deserved it- Bucky Barnes.

All of this without even mentioning that Peggy already had an established husband and children in her tv series and wasn’t just a blank love interest. Where does that leave Peggy? Does she just never meet her show husband? Didn’t they say you can’t change anything in the past? The movie doesn’t care enough to explain.

What they made Cap do was done purely to go against the fans’ expectations without any regard to the fact that this action is on another level of out of character behavior for him. Doing things purely to go against expectations is a concept that makes a comeback with Tony Stark as well.

And now we’re getting to the thing that I am most angry about- Tony Stark’s death.

Tony Stark’s arc was not meant to end with him dying so early. Tony’s whole arc over the past films, including the beginning of Endgame, was about him finding his peace and retiring to be with his family.

He became a mentor to Peter Parker, He settled down with Pepper and had a kid, so many times he said he was only fighting to be able to go back home to the people he loved.

Tony deserved a happy ending more than anyone ever did.

This man was the base of the MCU. He has been through so much and still survived and managed to live the life he wanted- a family life.

So many people look up to him and to his story. So many people who struggle with anxiety attacks or PTSD relate to his experience and need that representation to be positive. He didn’t deserve to get a “you can only be free of your trauma once you’re dead” ending. 

Let’s say you really wanted to kill Tony in this film, why did you give him a kid then?? It has been an issue for a long time that Tony didn’t want to be like his father, that he wanted to be there for his kid no matter what, he didn’t deserve dying and not getting to raise her, knowing she will have to grow up without a father, what is basically his worst fear.

Tony carried the MCU since day one, His story has been going to a “retire and raise a family” place for a long time now and he has already been through a lot of traumatic events- HE DESERVED TO LIVE.

#avengers endgame #avengers endgame spoiler #avengers #marvel #avengers endgame spoilers #avengers endgame review #endgame #tony stark #iron man #captain america #steve rogers #thor #loki #bucky barnes #peggy carter #avengers: endgame #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #howard stark #rdj #robert downey jr #pepper potts #morgan stark #chris evans #chris hemsworth #tom hiddleston #infinty war #avengers infinity war #the avengers #thor ragnarok

[theklancecollection]

Haven't fully finished the vid yet, (am taking a break to rewatch Captain America: The First Avenger and that's giving me even more feels because of steve x bucky, 'til the end of the line whom??? yes, I'm looking at you russos); but from whatever I have watched, it reminded me of just how badly the writers had treated Shiro. It was all just so sloppy, inconsistent, and unbalanced.

Voltron wasn't a groundbreaking show, but it had the potential to be. And that for me, is the most upsetting thing when I look back on the show. It had broad strokes of characters that could have been made relatable, and unique but they simply never made an effort. There weren't even a lot of iconic moments that stood out for characters. Shipping reasons, there are plenty. But if we look at the individual characters, their own story arcs, or their relationship to the show as a whole, there isn't much. There's a lot of animated action, and a lot of color but it never goes beyond that. For me, it just stays on the surface level and never takes the risk of going further (and this goes for most characters, not just Keith and Lance).

Allura is heavily prejudiced against the Galra, but we never see her deal with the fact that Keith is one as well. Shiro obviously has PTSD, but his culmination ends with his death in S2. For multiple seasons we are made to feel things for his clone, which is disgusting because it cheapens our own emotions, as well as what happened to Shiro himself. I mean, even in death, he was manipulated to further a genocide. Lance never got to outgrow his desires for Allura. We saw a little progression where we saw him distancing himself from her in that capacity, but then in S8, they diminished that growth by making him go on a date with her. They never addressed his insecurities of not feeling a part of a team, nor did they make him reach a stage wherein he gained confidence or belief in himself. Then there's Keith, with his immense abandonment issues. He finally meets his mom but we are never given the opportunity to see them bond or talk with each other. Apparently it would be too much work to put in that kind of effort so we were left with a bunch of montages that didn't do much save show us that Keith is now older, and has a space wolf. Yayy for progress?? Hunk is another a character who was shoved aside for almost seven seasons, focusing only on food, before telling the audience, that no, he has this intense yearning for his family. Like, okay, I get it. Seeing all the other characters with their respective families, while Hunk is unsure of the safety of his own is hard. But it comes off hollow when Lance has previously been shown as the one being intensely homesick. Coran, I feel got zero development whatsoever. Pidge is the only one who got any decent development, but for someone who spent a large portion of her life looking for her family - for her to be okay with them going off on other space adventures that too, at long periods of time - idk, it seems off to me.

Long story short, the series had a lot of potential that was never capitalized on and now I'm upset about it.

(Also upset about the way steve x bucky's relationship progressed but that's a rant for another post.)

#kc rambles #voltron

[siancore]

You have no idea how much this means to me @tfry1440 I look at this story, and think about how it got off to a rocky start, and how I’m really glad I didn’t abandon it because it deals with tough issues in a way that’s real. 

I’m glad that I didn’t shy away from telling it. It’s very special, and I don’t even feel weird saying that since I wrote it, but it is special because it has been important to my readers and it resonates with so many people. Especially people in our Rainbow Community who are dealing with issues of identity and belonging; especially LGBTQ+ youth who are going through so much.

Someone else gave me feedback on how much it meant to them because they often feel like Sam did in his youth: Scared of rejection and feeling ashamed etc. and I’m happy that readers relate to Sam in this. And he is the focus of the story. His growth is the focus. Him deserving unconditional love and tenderness is the focus. 

That simple scene from this chapter, not with their fathers’ conversations, but with Bucky taking care of Sam was one of the most profound I’ve written in its simplicity. It was a small scene, but it was heart-wrenching and heartwarming at once, yeah? Seeing Sam Wilson loved, doted on, and cared for in a way that he needs is something we don’t get enough of in fandom. My heart imploded while writing it. I’m so glad it touched you, too. 

#sambucky #sambucky fanfiction #siancore: the boys of summer

[thetired-bi]

I wish I could write long paragraphs that make sense to defend Tony, but I get so angry when I read something that my brain just goes:

"fuck off. Did you watch the movies? Did you watch his solo movies? Do you know what character development is? Do you know or understand mental health? Fucking idiots"

I like Steve Rogers, I'm not anti Steve, I'm anti-antiTony's. I don't hate any of the characters really, but I can be biased to Tony. His development and mental health mean so much to me.

I was actually in another tag and many anti-tony bs rants showed up and I got mad. Including Tony yelling at Steve in Endgame.

Mate, he's on the verge of death, he's in physical, emotional and mental pain, just returned to earth to find out who else is gone, and Steve everyone just want to question him.

He needs to rest and heal. And yes everyone else is hurting too but, HE WAS STRANDED IN SPACE AND JUST GOT HOME. I actually liked him yelling at Steve, not because I blame Steve for everything, but I personally know going through something bad, traumatising, when you're hurting and mental health isn't good, you lash out. Steve was there.

Steve who preached about them being a team, doing everything together, then leaving. Tony, a man with trust and abandonment issues, was hurt by this man. If the roles in these movies where reversed I wouldn't blame Steve for yelling at Tony.

There were other bs posts like how Scott personally hates Tony?? 🤦🏻‍♀️ Yet another pitting Tony and Shuri against each other 🤦🏻‍♀️

They just make me so mad. How can you hate a fictional character so passionately?

It baffles me that some Steve fans hate him so much when cevans loves Tony and RDJ. I love them both, cevans and RDJ. And I love their characters, even though I lean more to Tony.

I don't agree with either of their endings in endgame. I'm mad they didn't have the scene of Bucky and Tony talking bc Tony would 100% forgive him. (Also of what I've seen in comics, they have a good relationship). After a very short while, once Tony was calm, he'd definitely understand that Bucky was brainwashed, Hydra killed his parents and used Bucky to do it. That Bucky was a victim. Other people have explained these points better than me. I believe he was more hurt by Steve.

God, I love and hate these movies and fandom. They did so many characters dirty. But the hate I see towards Tony, and people who do like him, is unbelievable. Before getting deep into the fandom online, reading pro and con Tony posts, I always noticed his mental health, his issues (trust, abandonment...), the front he put on to protect himself. But also how much he genuinely cares for everyone. Might just be me, I can relate 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tony and Steve overall want the same things, to help people, to protect them and save them. To make the world a better place.

But they're not the same person. They have different upbringings, personalities, abilities...the way they go about things are different. But they are both good. Both heroes.

I've started watching AA on disney+ and really am understanding those who say mcu did Steve and Tony dirty. They deserved better. But Tony and Tony fans deserve to be treated much better in this fandom.

This was really ramble-y and probably didn't make sense. Sorry.

(I'll think of more and more eloquent ways to put them in the middle of the night 😂)

(Not the whole fandom, not every Steve fan, most are lovely people and I love you❤)

#sorry for the rant #i love tony stark #i love tony so much #i love steve rogers #tony stark defense squad #tony stark #iron man #iron dad #please don't yell at me #I'm not good with conflict or words #I don't mean to spread any hate #it just makes me angry #i love my iron dad so much

[s-trawberryv-eins]

Home Is Where the Heart Is

NOT MY GIF

Summary: the team learn more about their newest member after realising they don’t know an awful lot

Warnings: light mentions of injury, mentions of abandonment, mentions of death, implication of smut, but all very light and PG13

Please read here before reading!

Stark!OC x Avengers

Word count: 1330

The Caroline Stark Series Masterlist

AVENGERS COMMON ROOM

“Where’d you get that scar?” Clint poked at Caroline’s elbow, a blank expression on his face as he inquired.

“Huh?” Glancing down to where Barton’s finger was directed, the words registered in her mind. “Oh. Fell off my bike when I was 10.”

“Tony didn’t have you covered in bubble-wrap?” The comment was satire, but she answered all the same.

“Nah, he wasn’t around all that much back then. I was at boarding school.”

“Where?”

“Malibu.”

A few murmurs of acknowledgement sounded throughout the room. Thor and Banner were currently away, Thor having invited Banner to spend some time with the Guardians. It was getting late, but the rest of the team were bundled up in comfy clothes and blankets, scattered around the living room on the ridiculously large sofas enjoying the peace and each other’s company.

“It’s weird,” Cap spoke up, his gaze moving away from his kindle to the Stark girl “we don’t actually know that much about you.”

“I don’t think you know much about each other, Cap.”

“More than you’d think.”

Half nodding-half shrugging in response, Stark shovelled another spoonful of lucky charms into her mouth.

“Okay. What do you wanna know?” As if she’d offered them her inheritance, the team moved from their spots around the living room to sit at her feet quicker than she could blink.

“First kiss?”

“Tony’s deepest secrets?”

“YOUR deepest secret!”

“Who’d you lose your virginity to?”

“Best friend? Before us, anyway.”

“More cool scar stories.”

The questions came quicker than she could expect, and her eyes widened as she heard some of the ones that filtered through.

“Woah! Slow down!” Placing her empty cereal bowl on the coffee table next to her, the doctor decided which to answer first.

“First off, Sam, I’m not telling you my bra size. Second off, no talk of deepest secrets.” A unanimous groan of disappointment echoed throughout the room.

“First kiss; I was 12, a boy called Sebastian. I’ve plenty of other scars, my father was Tony Stark for god’s sake. Pick one and I’ll tell you about it. Lost my v card when I was 16 to my then boyfriend, Stefan.” “Was he cute?”

“He was. Even cuter now. I think of him often.” It seemed that only Sam and Natasha picked up on what she was implying, their laughter filling the space.

“Interesting. Have you ever broken a bone?” It didn’t need specifying that Rogers meant outside of work, as they’d all suffered plenty of boring work-related injuries.

“Yes! I broke my collarbone on a trampoline, and I broke my arm falling down the stairs. I was living with Tony then though, so they were kinda non-issues. I fractured my wrist when I was young though; that one never really healed properly cos I didn’t go to the hospital. Oh, and my best friend was a girl named Amelie!”

“Was?”

“Yeah. I uh-“ frowning a little, Caroline recalled the day she learned of her friends fate. “She died when the snap happened. She was in the car with her mom and her mom got dusted. The car crashed; she didn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry, Care. That’s awful.” Several others offered their condolences, but she just smiled sadly. It was hard to talk about, and she thought of Amelie every day, but she’d worked through her grief.

“Wait, how old were you when you went to live with your dad and Pepper?” It was Bucky’s turn to ask a question now, although it seemed to be taking a turn. Caroline didn’t mind telling the team what happened; they were her family, after all. But it wasn’t easy to talk about the fact that her biological mother disowned her, gave her up for whatever life she was living now.

Pepper knew everything that had happened before Caroline came to them. The matriarch was clever in her methods, as she knew 7-year-old Caroline wouldn’t exactly be willing to open up to a stranger. So, Pepper was patient, always watching and listening as the girl settled in for any clue as to why she’d been sent to them. Eventually Pepper put two and two together. Tony knew enough but blamed himself for is daughters suffering. She’d always insisted that this was ridiculous as he didn’t even know she existed back then. Not that that helped.

“I was 7 when my birth mother dropped me off at dads. Haven’t seen her since.” The silence that followed was uncomfortable to say the least. Everybody wanted to ask the same question, but ironically none of the superheroes felt brave enough.

But then Bucky stood up from his seat and walked over to the sofa that Caroline and Clint had spread themselves out on. Picking up her feet, he sat down next to her and dropped them in his lap.

“Why’d she give you up, doll?” The others were silently grateful for his asking, and they all got comfortable around each other, politely staying quiet in waiting.

“She uh-“ Caroline sucked in a breath before continuing, eyes widening briefly “-she never really liked being a mom. I knew that even back then. I’m not sure why she never told Tony. Doesn’t make a lot of sense. Anyways, she was always off with one boyfriend or another. She’d go on these trips a lot and leave me behind, the neighbours checking in every now and again.”

Natasha had taken to braiding Wanda’s hair, Clint and Sam were lounging lazily around each other at the other end of the sofa. Steve stood with his arms crossed, leaning against the doorway with concern in his eyes.

“She didn’t like me a whole lot. Nothing happened or anything. Maybe a sort of…mild neglect?” Chucking humorlessly, Caroline was surprised to find herself getting a little upset. Albeit, this was the first time she’d talked about it.

“Care-“

“I’m fine, I’m okay.” Her voice was soft, timid, but she carried on all the same. “One day, she just snapped. I got upset because she was leaving again, so she told me to go and pack a bag. I thought she was taking me with her. But then we got in the car and she handed me this envelope containing my passport, some photos, and a letter. Told me to give it to mom or dad, whoever I saw first. She’d obviously had it planned for a while; she pulled that envelope out of nowhere.” Dragging a hand through her knotted brown locks, she got lost in her thoughts. The doctor had spent years wondering why her mother couldn’t stand her. Eventually she’d fallen in so well with Pepper and Tony that she stopped thinking about it.

“Anyways, she drove me to the house and walked me up to the door. But she was gone out the driveway before Pepper even opened the door.”

Silence resumed, settling in between them softly. As she looked around at her friends, a tear fell hastily down her cheek. She’d hoped to catch it before they noticed, but she couldn’t.

“Wanda, could you make us some tea?” Bucky asked the brunette softly, who was on her feet with an instant, Clint behind her with a helping hand. Steve reached for the remote, a film now playing in the background to try and ease the changed atmosphere, and Sam was ordering desserts from a local takeaway joint despite it being almost 11 pm, and everyone having already eaten.

“Hey, I’m okay, really. I’ve never talked about any of it, that’s all. I’m okay.” Caroline worked to reassure her friends who worked so wonderfully to comfort her. “I’m happy. I’m home.”

-

After smiles and reassurances were exchanged, the room settled back down. Caroline nestled a little closer to Bucky, and the others crammed around them on the sofa with hot cookie dough and milkshakes, courtesy of Sam (although she’d later learned that Sam had used her credit card).

“Just out of curiosity, is Stefan on Instagram?” Wanda blushed as she spoke but smiled widely at the laughter her comment received. As it turned out, everyone understood Caroline’s implication.

TAGS: @hailqueenconquer

#marvel #mcu #avengers #caroline stark #the caroline stark series #bucky barnes #sam wilson #clint barton #steve rogers #pepper potts #tony stark #wanda maximoff #natasha romanoff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x ofc #bucky barnes x reader #Stark!OFC #Stark!reader #writing #smut #angst #fluff #fanfic #please reblog

[freudensteins-monster]

A Banner Reunion

A WinterShock follow up to A Banner Day. Set post Age of Ultron and Ragnarok, not really Civil War compliant, and there’s no Thanos or looming Infinity War. Also posted on AO3.

The first person Bucky Barnes met as he stepped off the last quinjet out of Wakanda was Darcy Lewis. She looked more uptight than her file photo would suggest (Bucky had read the files of all facility staff on the flight over, and Darcy’s maybe twice), and seemed to have taken Pepper Potts as her style icon. The wavy brown hair from her file photo was pulled back in a tight bun, and the colourful sweaters and jeans had been replaced by a sharp business suit and sharper heels. 

“Good morning, Sergeant Barnes. I’m Darcy Lewis. I manage the upstate facility and act as the team’s PR manager. I’ll also be acting as a liaison between the facility, your legal team, and other interested parties. If you have any questions, day or night, please don’t hesitate to contact me.”

She handed him a crisp white business card. Bucky took it with his shiny new Wakandan arm, noting a complete lack of reaction from Miss Lewis.

“Science Wrangler?” he read aloud.

“I have new ones on order,” she replied with a long-suffering sigh. 

“Thank you, Miss Lewis,” he smiled, tucking the business card into his jacket pocket. “But all I really want to know right now is which way to the mess hall?”

Miss Lewis smiled, but before she could respond Steve clapped him on the shoulder and led him away for a second breakfast. 

Over the next couple of weeks he received dozens of updates via Miss Lewis from his legal team about their attempts to have him cleared of all charges relating to the crimes he committed as the Winter Soldier (and the few he committed after), but he never saw her outside of their meetings. Not in the mess hall, not at team movie nights, not even in passing. According to Steve she was drowning in work and pretty much lived in her office. She needed help but had refused to hire assistants, not trusting the vetting process with all the enemies the Avengers had accumulated.

Feeling guilty, and just a little too curious for his own good, Bucky went in search of her office. He heard her before he saw her. It sounded like she was having the argument of the century with a disgruntled voice that reminded him of his old drill instructor. He was going to leave her to it and try again later when he heard his name being thrown about. He crept closer, keeping out of sight of Darcy and the holograph she was arguing with.

“How can you stand there denying the dangers posed by enhanced individuals when you’re harbouring the fugitive James Buchanan Barnes, the most prolific assassin in living memory?”

Bucky winced but Darcy narrowed her eyes at the hologram and stood her ground.

“Sergeant Barnes’ location is not a secret, nor is he a fugitive. He surrendered himself to the Wakandan authorities and per the agreement his legal representation made with the US government - which you’re well aware of, I remember how much you bitched about it in the press - he is on house arrest at this facility until his trial commences, if it ends up going ahead at all. And if you think he’s going to give up what little freedom he has now and could have in the future and sign this joke of a document, you’ve got another thing coming.”

Her opponent sneered. “Last I checked, Miss Lewis, you weren’t a lawyer.”

“Not yet, anyway. But I did pass my Civics 101 class, and I watched a lot of SchoolHouse Rock! as a kid: This is not a bill, or a law, or an official policy of the US Government. Even if it gets ratified by the UN, you cannot enforce it as it goes against the Constitution and violates a US citizen’s 4th, 5th, 6th, and 8th Amendment rights.”

“Wanda Maximoff-“

“-is a dual Sokovian-US citizen; I made sure of it. And if you can somehow round up a bunch of asshole commandos willing to enforce this PR nightmare to appease your bruised ego, the governor of New York - who gifted this land to the Avengers - and all his friends on Capitol Hill are going to have something to say about it. Especially after the so-called World Security Council tried to nuke his hometown while the Avengers were risking their lives to save his constituents from aliens. So,” she continued, tossing the intimidated stack of paper aside and waiting for it to hit her desk with a satisfying thump before continuing, “until you can put together something less offensive than this pile of crap, we don’t have anything more to talk about.”

“Listen here you little-“

“Sorry Thad, you’re breaking up. I think your country club is going through a tunnel.”

Darcy disconnected the holographic video call with a wave of her hand and fell into the closest chair with a dramatic groan.

“Wow…” Bucky remarked, stepping into her office. “I take it we don’t like that guy.” 

“We really don’t like that guy,” Darcy concurred, tossing her heels across the room in irritation.

“What’s his deal?”

“General Ross’ deal is that he wants all the power. And since superheroes have lots of power he wants them, preferably conscripted into service of the US government or locked up in a submersible military black site paid for with taxpayer dollars that he thinks I don’t know about. He’s been this way ever since Bruce’s accident.” At Bucky’s lack of recognition she continued, “Bruce was trying to replicate the supersoldier serum for the US Military, reporting to General Ross. Things went boom, Bruce turned into the Hulk, escaped Ross’ clutches and went on the run. Under the guise of bringing the Hulk in, Ross approved another human trial of the supersoldier serum. He ended up creating what the media dubbed as “the Abomination” – twice the rage of the Hulk, none of the ability to reconnect with his humanity. And while Bruce was forced to go back into hiding for the next five years for his part in destroying Harlem, General Ross didn’t even get knocked down a rank. The bastard shouldn’t be able to breathe in DC’s direction, let alone have a hand in policing “enhanced individuals,” so naturally he makes a perfect choice for Secretary of State,” she scoffed.

Bucky watched her for a moment before reaching out to help her up from her chair. “You look like you could use a drink. C’mon, I’m buying.”

“Dude, it’s like 10am,” Darcy argued, but took his hand regardless. 

Two floors down and one building over in the facility cafeteria Bucky watched on with barely disguised amusement as Darcy made love to her Mocha Frappuccino.

“Oh, yeah, that’s the stuff.”

She’d put on some flats and discarded her jacket before leaving her office, and once they were seated and waiting for their drinks she set her glasses down on the table and took down her hair. 

Bucky loved the way she smiled when she was able to let go of the stress of her job, even if it was only for a moment, so he did what he could to give her more of them. Tuesday morning coffee breaks became a regular occurrence, and if she missed dinner Bucky would check in on her to make sure she took a break and ate something. Eventually he asked her to schedule all their meetings and anything to do with his legal issues as her last tasks of the day, that way if she was snowed under and running late he had an excuse to invite her to join him for dinner afterwards. He was working up the nerve to ask her to dinner without the pretense of work when the Asgardians arrived.

Steve stood beside him, watching as the huge ship landed just beyond the facility's - and Bucky’s - boundaries. 

“So it’s true?” Darcy asked, out of breath from the short run from the administration building. “He’s really back?”

“Yeah, Thor’s back. You were there when he crash landed the first time, right?” Steve asked.

“She tased him,” Bucky informed him with a smirk. “I read the report.”

“Yeah, I totally tased him. And introduced him to Pop-Tarts. But I also lost him in the breakup – it’s been, like, almost two years since I last saw him.”

It didn’t stop her waving like a lunatic the moment Thor ambled down the spaceship’s ramp, a small village worth of people following close behind him.

“Oh, this is going to be so much paperwork…” Darcy muttered as the god caught sight of them.

“My friends! Lady Darcy!!”

“Thor! What the hell happened to your eye?” she asked when he wrapped her up in one of his godly hugs.

“It’s a long story, lightning sister.”

“Did you bring all of Asgard with you?” Steve asked as he and Bucky watched the strangely dressed visitors make the most of the sunshine and soft grass.

“As many as we could save,” Thor admitted somberly. “I know that their arrival will cause some problems for your world’s governments but any aid you could provide my people in our time of need would be gratefully appreciated. A new homeland, perhaps?” he added, managing to do pretty decent puppy dog eyes even with only one good one.

“I’ll make some calls,” Darcy offered, flashing Thor an indulgent smile.

“Thank you, my lightning sister. And for your efforts, I have brought you a souvenir.”

“Space souvenir? Cool!”

“Aye, very cool,” he smirked, putting a hand around her shoulders and directing her gaze to where a man wearing psychedelic monk robes was trying to make his way through the crowd of Asgardians. 

Darcy’s expression fell and Bucky almost rushed to her side.

“Bruce?”

At the sound of his name the man looked up and regarded Darcy sheepishly.

“Hey, bunny.”

“Bruce!!” Darcy was off like a shot, shoes abandoned in the grass as she all but threw herself on the new arrival. “What the hell happened to you? I hacked everyone trying to find you but not even Phil had eyes on you. Why didn’t you call me!” she cried, hugging him so tightly Bucky was worried the guy might not be able to breathe.

“I’m so sorry Darcy. I was stuck in Hulk mode up until a couple of days ago. He was like a gladiator on this trash planet in the outer reaches of the universe. It was crazy.”

“Not as crazy as these clothes, dude,” she teased with a sniffle, tugging on the gold vestments.

“Yeah, they’re a lot. But I had to Hulk out again on Asgard and these were the only spare clothes lying around on the spaceship. Oh, I gotta introduce you to some new friends,” he exclaimed excitedly, leading Darcy back towards the spaceship. 

Bucky watched her go, his heart breaking at the sight of her reuniting with her fella. She’d mentioned Bruce a few times, but he hadn’t realised they had been an item. Maybe, since he’d apparently disappeared on her, it had been too painful for her to talk about. Bucky left Steve and Thor to organise the SHIELD agents that had descended to deal with the alien incursion, and left Darcy to her reunion. 

In the weeks that followed Bucky hardly saw Darcy at all. She was spearheading talks with the Norwergian government to establish New Asgard within their borders and spent the rest of her time managing the needs of the refugees who had set up a temporary camp in the field where they landed. She was also fending off demands for the arrest of Thor’s brother, who apparently was more hated and feared than the Winter Soldier was. 

In an effort to reduce her workload Bucky had offered to deal with his legal team directly, even though he hated how they talked down to him when giving him updates. But it made Darcy’s life easier so he took it on, often bringing Steve in on their conference calls to act as a buffer when he felt he was close to snapping at one of his condescending but very, very good lawyers.

Now that he had no reason to bother Darcy he saw her even less than when he first arrived, though he did hear that Bruce had dragged her out of her office once or twice for a late dinner. They never seemed as touchy feely as they had when they were first reunited and they hadn’t spent any time alone together behind closed doors (not that he’d checked security footage). Maybe they weren’t together any more - a lot can happen in two years, Bucky mused. Maybe Bruce had moved on - he was always gushing about that intimidating and frequently drunk Valkyrie woman. Or maybe, Bucky hoped against hope, Darcy had. The question was keeping him up at night, and since Darcy was too busy to be bothered with his insecurities he sought out the famous Dr Bruce Banner. 

Bucky found him a few days later, after another postponed coffee date, in one of the facilities labs, looking over some holographic schematics. 

“Sergeant Barnes, it’s nice to see you again. What can I do for you?” Bruce greeted with a smile. 

“I’m not interrupting?” he asked, gesturing at the complicated calculations.

“Not at all. It’s just a project Tony wants a second opinion on. It’s his way of saying “I missed you too,” he jested. 

Bucky bit the bullet. “It’s about Darcy.”

“What about her?” 

“I just… I feel like a real shitheel asking, but I gotta know; are you and Darcy together?”

“Together like…”

“Dating. Are you dating?”

Bruce’s eyes almost bugged out of his skull. “Did Tony put you up to this?”

“Stark and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms,” Bucky admitted.

“And Darcy never mentioned me? She said you two had been hanging out a lot before she got sidetracked with all the Asgardian refugee drama.”

“She mentioned you plenty. She just never mentioned that two of you were an item.”

“And she also never mentioned that I’m her father, I take it,” Bruce replied with a smirk.

“...What?”

“I’m her biological father. I am not dating her,” Bruce reiterated. “But I take it you want to?” he teased. 

“Uh… yes?” he winced after his brain came back online after processing this new information. “Did you not want me to? I would understand,” he murmured, gesturing vaguely at his shiny new arm as though his bloody history was written on the metal plates.

“I don’t get to have a say in the matter,” Bruce remarked, not unkindly, as he returned most of his attention back to the glowing calculations. “and I’m kind of the last guy who should be giving you grief over things you did when you weren’t in full control of yourself. Besides, you’ve probably known her longer than I have at this point.” He smiled sadly at Bucky’s confused expression. “The first time I met Darcy was when she and Jane moved into Tony’s tower. She told me I was her biological father about two weeks later. Before that moment, I hadn’t even known I had a daughter. We had maybe three months of getting to know each other, eating takeout in my lab once a week, and then Ultron happened. I quite literally disappeared off the face of the earth. I come back, and she’s all grown up and practically running the world,” he laughed. “She’s also crushing pretty hard on a certain supersoldier, in case you were wondering.”

“Yeah, well, Steve is pretty cute I guess,” Bucky mused, ducking his head to hide the blush in his cheeks behind his hair. 

Bruce smiled. “Ask her out, Sergeant.”

Bucky delivered a Mocha Frappuccino to Darcy’s office that night and asked her to have dinner with him whenever she found the time. She blushed something fierce as she said yes, and Bucky committed the image to memory. 

A month later they were officially a couple, but with Darcy’s crazy workload and his looming trial they were taking things slow. He’d only kissed her goodnight a couple of times but he’d stopped resisting the urge he had to wrap Darcy up in his arms the second she was off the clock. 

He was indulging in said urge the night of the Asgardian farewell party - the Norwegian deal had gone through pretty quickly all things considered, and Thor and the last of the Asgardians were heading out to New Asgard in the morning - when Tony Stark made his trademarked grand entrance. He had barely taken two steps out of his latest Iron Man suit when he pointed a finger in their direction. 

“What’s the murderbot doing with his murderarm around my niece?” 

“I’m not your niece, Tony,” Darcy called over everyone else's scolding.

“What are you talking about? Bruce is your bio dad, I’m his science bro; you’re totally my science niece.”

Darcy giggled. “That’s not a thing, Tony. And to answer your totally offensive question; we’re dating.”

“No, I forbid it.”

“You don’t get to have an opinion.”

“Of course I do. Everyone loves hearing my opinions.”

“We really don’t,” Bucky heard Steve mutter into his beer. 

“I don’t want to hear them, Tony. I’m a big girl and I make my own choices.”

“You make terrible choices,” Tony mumbled petulantly. 

“I tell Pepper the same thing all the time,” she teased.

“How dare you!” Tony gasped, feigning offence. “Do I at least get to give the Russian menace the shovel talk?”

“No, no shovel talks. I don’t want you scaring him off.”

“If the Hulk didn’t scare me off, doll, nothing will.”

“Awww.” 

“That’s not the way I remember it,” Bruce chimed in.

“Shut up,” Bucky retorted over Bruce’s chuckles. “Besides, I already got the shovel talk from Valkyrie. She takes her role as angry-mom very seriously.”

“Who’s Valkyrie? Wait, did you say mom?!” Tony squawked, turning to demand answers from Bruce. 

“Hulk like angry girl,” Thor teased.

“Where is she? Is she here? I have to meet her.”

“Tony! Tony, stop. She went to New Asgard two days ago. No! Step away from the suit!”

As everyone one laughed at Bruce trying to keep Tony away from his suit Darcy leant in close, sending a shiver down Bucky’s spine as she whispered in his ear. 

“How about I say goodbye to Thor and you walk me back to my room, Sergeant?”

Bucky smiled. “Whatever you want, doll.”

#a banner reunion #darcy lewis is bruce banner's daughter #not that bucky knows that #wintershock #darcy lewis/bucky barnes #darcy lewis #bucky barnes #bruce banner #thor #steve rogers #tony stark

[rosepetals-flyingbirds]

Tortured Souls. (1)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader.

Warnings: Injuries, violence, language, mentions of human traffic and prostitution.

P.S: The words in italic are the video footage.

WC: 6,213.

2008.

You glanced at the papers above the large glass table inside Tony’s mansion in Malibu. Pepper was closely watching the situation.

“I don’t want to be related to them.” You stated reading the familiar names on the black lines.

Tony signed the papers with a smile. “Okay, so by now on, you will be Y/N Stark.” Tony responded and gave you a hug.

Pepper was watching you carefully feeling it all was not something Tony would normally do, but she wasn’t in the hell you two had met.                

Present days.

“Y/N!” Was the only thing that could leave Tony’s lips before he saw you -his best friend- being held back by two Hydra’s agents, both of them holding guns. The one in your left with a gun on your head and the right one with the gun on your ribcage.

Your face was swollen after so much fight with at least twenty agents by yourself.

It wasn’t supposed to be like that, was supposed to be a small mission, pretty cut and dry. And with that in mind, the only ones that went to the mission were you, Tony and Sam.

Steve asked Tony to go along but Tony declined saying that was a small visit to an abandoned ex-Hydra base in the middle of Russia, somewhere close to Uchami. And the three of you would head there only to search for any last equipment they kept hidden.

The place ended up being filled with new Neonazi’s group and well… shit.

You and Tony went under and Sam kept in a distance to give a ‘shield’ in case anything appeared. When you two were below the floors you’d found a recent technology aside from the old ones and you instantly got ready for the worst.

Five Hydra’s agents appeared out of nowhere fully armed with guns and knives. Tony and you got ready and fought against them but more and more agents showed making you both sore.

You called Sam over the earpiece and his voice saying “Yeah, I figured it out” chimed on yours and Tony’s ears aside with grunts, shots, and screams making clear that other men had found him too.

A lot of gunshots hit Tony’s suit making it damaged and after a while even slower, your body became slower as well after so many fights and cuts.

Your gear was pretty much as Natasha’s one but you along with Bruce and Tony you made an upgrade on it using some Asgardian’s powerful crystals -which your friend Thor gave you a months ago-. The crystals managed to make the gear able to heat outside making any hands against the outside of the material burn, or with the other button the possibility to trigger electroshocks helping you win more time against the person you would be fighting with.

Your strength and tricks started to end and after long fights, you and Tony got surprised with the agents holding you.

Tired, swollen and the worst feeling for a professional assassin… scared.

“Listen we can fix it, just let her go neither of you has to die,” Tony said with his eyes moving in pure desperation trying to solve the issue.

Both men grinned. “Wow Iron Man saying that has no need to violence himself, that’s gold.” He mocked Tony and held his gun closer to your face making you whimper at how firm he was forcing the cold pistol on your skin.

You tried to find a way out of the situation.

You had fought with robots, aliens and numerous other agents. You couldn’t die at the hands of some random Hydra followers.

‘Maybe if I hit the left man’s head along with the right man’s feet would give me a second to grab their guns and shot them.’ You thought.

You prepared for doing so you, clicking on the right button leading 10,000 volts to both bodies able to kill them burning they hearts, but it wasn’t the right voltage since they just retrieved and when you tried to punch or kick them Tony shot the right man but the left hit the floor as well.

A strange feeling erupted in your body and you felt your gear wetting. When you took a deep breath and slowed your levels of adrenaline the pain spread through your body making your knees weak.

You slumped and you saw Tony running to you and Sam’s wingman flying above. Sam came running tired as you with cuts and blood on his face, he lowered his body to help yours, he grabbed your arm and leaned your body on his.

Tony was speechless seeing someone he loves hurt and dying in front of him always made time stop. Your eyelids became heavier and your head cloudy and spinning. “Y/N Y/N stay with me, don’t you dare to die.” You could hear Tony’s voice but his face was blurry.

“How could I, you wouldn’t live without me, Stark.” The last thing you could hear was Tony screaming to F.R.I.D.A.Y find the nearest hospital and send Bruce and Helen Choo faster as possible. You felt your body being moved to the quinjet and the rest was only dark.

                                …

Inside the quinjet Bruce called Tony and told him it would be better if they take you to Washington since they have an especial floor for SHIELD agents in the hospital when they got hurt, and would be complicated to Tony in the top of his mind screaming at one Russian hospital to someone help you even knowing the people native language aren’t English and no one is obligated to know a foreign language.

Over the hospital, Tony on the way he is has reserved the whole hospital level floor for only you. Bruce and Helen came and analyze your injury. The bullet got on your right kidney making the organ swollen. They moved you to the surgery and Sam called your friends to tell them what had happened.

                                …

“What? No no no, where are you guys? I’ll go there right now.” Natasha picked the phone and walked frenetically leaving her previous spot on the couch aside with Wanda and Vision.

“What is happening?” Wanda asked standing up on the couch with Vision doing it as well.

“Y/N she got an injury at the mission with Wilson and Stark. They’re in Washington and Bruce are there already, apparently a bullet had hit one organ and they will make a surgery.” Natasha said and leave the living room to grab a jacket and left the place. “You guys want to go too? I’m leaving now.” She asked the couple on her front. Natasha is a great agent, she is the Black Widow for God sakes. But hearing you are hurt brought feelings to her exactly how she had felt when Fury’s got injured when… When he was the Winter Soldier target.

Wanda took a deep breath and tried to find the best option. “No, will do no good if all of us go there, we will stay here and wait for news.”

Vision agreed with her and shook his head. “Yes, you should call Captain Rogers and Seargent Barnes to go with you, you should not fly in that state and I have quite sure both of them will be completely desperate when they hear about Y/N’s state.” Just when Vision finished his sentence Steve appeared sweat after his gym workout.

Steve retrieved and tried to understand what they were meaning, you went on a mission and the only reason that would make Natasha like that would be a bad one. “What? What happened to Y/N. Where is she?”

After Wanda told him exactly what Nat had told her he took a deep breath and asked for five minutes because he would take a fast shower and talk about it with Bucky.

Bucky felt his heart being ripped out of his chest and thrown through the window. He starts to make Steve and Natasha hundreds of question but both of them didn’t acknowledge much, so he controlled his brain and operated the quinjet towards Washington.

                                …

Your surgery was occurring and apparently, everything was going well, you were anesthetized and out of any sort of pain.

When the surgery had ended Helen and the other doctor came to talk to Tony and Sam that were taking care of their own injuries. “How is she?” Tony asked even before Helen could fully pass through the door.

“She is stable. The surgery had gone well gladly her suit had helped to undo the pressure of the shot, it has hit her right kidney and we had to remove it. Gladly it wasn’t the whole organ but it will be at least 40% slower than the normal, we are happy that it was that one and not her stomach or liver. She will have to take care of her left kidney to make sure it works and don’t occur any possibility to stop, because if it does the other one wouldn’t be able to work all the function with only 40% of it. She was pretty lucky.” Cho explained and Sam and Tony shook their head meaning they understood.

The second doctor cleaned his throat. “The surgery was a success and she will be moved to one of the rooms, we used a large portion of anesthesia, so she will take a few more hours to wake up.”

“Okay,” Tony answered abruptly and rubbed his face.

Sam looked at Tony and rolled his eyes. “Thank you, doctor,” Sam said and handshake both doctors' hands giving a small smile in form of appreciation.

They left and Sam sat in the hallway chairs close to Tony. “It’s all my fault.”

“No man is not. I was there too.” Sam said and lowed his head, clearly tired of the whole situation.

Tony let a sarcastic laugh and stood up, he started to walk in the corridor forth and back, making lazy circles on the floor. “No Sam she asked to let Steve go with us and I said no! If he was there maybe she wouldn’t be on that damn table.” Tony’s breaths were more rapid and disorientated now.

“Man she is okay, come on have tons of people around the world living with one kidney, at least the one injured still works, slower but it does. She is okay, you heard what the doctor said Y/N had luck and she is stable.” Sam explained and tried to convince himself that his friend would be okay, he was scared as well but he couldn’t join Tony in the desperation time. He let a small chuckle and started to laugh while scratched his hair.

“What the hell you’re laughing at?” Between circles, Tony was currently making on the floor he asked pissed.

“Is just ironic, I mean the number of times she handed us water saying we needed to have our kidneys working cause when it stops we are screwed, and now her own it’s.” Sam thought about the dark irony.

Tony let a chuckle. “But still not funny, stop.” He said but let a tired groan as well before closing his eyes and moving his head to try to hide his teary eyes. “That’s great I already have tons of guilt on my back and now I have ironical Y/N’s accident too.”

                                …

Around thirty minutes had passed until Natasha, Bucky and Steve arrived in the hospital. “Hey, where is she? How is she?” Natasha ran into Tony and Sam searching for answers.

Sam looked at the three of them and lowered his head. “Stable, they made the surgery and happily they didn’t have to remove her whole organ or something, the jumpsuit helped a lot in the bullet impact,” Sam explained.

“What do you mean the whole organ? Which organ it had hit?” Bucky asked, in the years he worked with Hydra he knew how to take care of his injuries or what procedure would have to happen if any injury were fatal.

Tony avoided their eyes, Tony didn’t approve your friendship with Bucky, he hates the fact that he was the one whose hands killed his parents, and since you are his family he fears Bucky would take you from him as well.

Sam explained the situation and that you were okay, and actually, that one wasn’t even close to the others injuries you had received in that style of life.

“When she will wake up?” Steve asked and darted his eyes over Tony understanding his behavior. Sam saw what Steve was observing and nodded his head in silent agreement that it was not only about your situation but as Bucky presence as well.

“The anesthesia may fade in more a few hours, the doctor says she is okay and the only issue ahead is for her adjust her life towards it since she drinks a lot of water and take a healthy style of life, he said it wouldn’t be a hard adjustment,” Tony explained while avoided everyone’s eyes.

Steve took a deep breath and thanked the skies for the good news. “You two should go home and take a shower, eat something. We will stay here and we will call if something happens.” Steve surprisingly calm told Sam and Tony. Sam nodded and started to leave but Tony didn’t even flinch just took the hospital lonely ally.

“Tony, when she wakes up is better if you’re well. Go home.”

“I need to be here when she wakes Steve! It was my fault.”

“Stop with the self-destructive thoughts Tony, I wasn’t there but I know all of you too well. Whatever had happened it wasn’t your fault.” Natasha intervened in the conversation and moved to watched both men expressions. “Go home and come back after some rest, we will call if anything happens.”

                                …

When the anesthesia left your body you awoke feeling light-headed and funny.

When your eyes opened you saw a figure sat beside you, as your eyes tried to adjust to the light your vision was sort of blurry but the red hair gave the answer you needed.

“Hey Y/N/N, how are you feeling?” Nat grabbed your hand carefully to not to misfit the IV.

You groaned at the sparkly light. “Good, I guess. Where’s Tony and Sam?”

“They went home, I am not sure if in the Compound or at their respective houses, but either way I had to make sure both would take a shower and clear their heads, especially Tony.” You let a chuckle at her response, of course, she would handle the situation and send they home.

“I was really worried when I passed out, I swear we checked the place, Nat, it was supposed to be clear and abandoned for God sakes! I was so tired already and Tony was too, and his suit was basically without energy which it’s ridiculous cause the thing is almost indestructible,” You took a deep breath, Nat held your hand tightly and smiled at you to ensure you it was all okay.

“Sam was on the floor above and I and Tony were basically the subsoils and when they came I felt not in such a danger because at least Tony was with me but Sam was alone upstairs and it was terrible all I thought was ‘I need to fix this and reach Sam to help him’. We fought really hard, I mean you can see by the colors on my face, but was so many of them, I mean how many missions us and SHIELD had done to get rid of them and is like they are cockroaches, more and more every day. And had a time my gear wasn’t working anymore, I mean you know the upgrade I had made should kill someone with just touching me, but just sent some weak electrical shocks but then the gun had fired and it was too late, I still sort confused about what had made them die, I guess one of them had been shot by Sam’s wingman, and the other by Tony. But anyway, here I stand.”

Natasha chuckled and nodded her head. “Yes you do, but I have to be honest Y/N, when Bruce called me and told you got shot and it had hit an organ I almost freaked out, seriously! I mean you are one of my closest friends and I’m so glad it wasn’t fatal, and you and both Tony and Sam are okay.”

“Thank you, it will take more than a bullet to kill me.” Both of you laughed and she rolled her eyes.

Bruce came to see you along with Cho and the other doctor and talked to you about the surgery and how things may go now. You thanked both and apologized if Tony had acted bossy, they chuckled and left the room. 

A nurse had come and helped you take a shower and cleaned up your stitches. 

When you got back at the bed you thanked her and she left but you could see she was nodding to someone in the door, after her smile you saw the giants super soldiers walking in. 

The sight of relief on both faces imitated a great feeling in your heart.

“Thank God you are really okay!” Steve kissed your head and forehead and hold your hand carefully. Bucky stood at the other side looking at the machines monitoring your heartbeat along with other things (as saturation, pressure etc). “We stood here with you but the anesthesia took a little longer, Natasha made us go to the cafeteria to eat something and when we got back she and Bruce were talking outside and we got worried but she told us you were taking a shower so we had to wait.”

You smiled feeling surround by love. 

“Yeah, I am okay. I’m glad I had Tony and Sam back there and also glad cause we had such good team of doctors and nurses here, they made an awesome job.” Steve nodded and sat beside you on the bed, you moved a little to let more space to him. 

Bucky was still quiet, you moved your free hand and grabbed his metal one which was covered with a glove. “I’m alive, you know.” He chuckled and made a face you couldn’t describe, was a mixture of relief but despair.

“Yeah you are, but just because of a few inches.” His voice dry and deep. You knew he couldn’t take it well, he always worries too much, especially with you and Steve and you know that he might be feeling mediocre not being there to help you in the moment of necessity.

“Come on Bucky I am here! And in our line of job isn’t the first and definitely will not be the last time I get hurt.” You dropped both hands to move your body and adjust your pillow, which Steve helped. 

With the medicine being diminished, you could feel the stitches and other uncomfortable pains.

He retrieved his hand and placed it in his jacket pockets. “I think I left my phone in the cafeteria, I will be back.” He told without looking in either yours or Steve’s face and left the room.

You let a puff of air and shook your head in disapproval, why couldn’t he be happy like Steve was? 

“He didn’t bring his phone right?” You darted your eyes to Steve, he chortled and tilted his head in that lovable way he does.

“You know the answer.” You nodded.

                                …

Back at the compound, you felt like a baby being taken care of so many people, of course, it was loveable and cozy but you could move without the need to be monitored 24/7.

The first week had passed by and what you felt aside of Tony’s self-guilt nature was Bucky’s absence, on the day you got back two weeks ago he had left for a solo mission, and when he got back of the job he took another one and went aside with Sam and Steve. 

You know he takes missions like that just when he wants to run away from something, but you didn’t want him running away from you.

                                …

Three weeks had passed. Bruce told you were already great and everything was working fine, happily you didn’t have to go back to the hospital, only down at Tony lab did the job. 

Upstairs in the main living room, you saw Steve’s worried expression while talked with Tony with a tablet in hand. “What is going on?” You asked when you realized Steve and Tony’s expression was of worry.

Tony kept quiet and slid his hand on the device opening the information on the flat screen. You saw names in a language that remind you of Ukrainian you darted your eyes to Tony and he touched a few buttons on the digital screen and it translated into English. 

You got surprised when you saw names you had read before and on the left top it was written ‘Agent Y/N Stark’. “What is this?” Your heartbeat increased remembering the names that had on the screen. Could it be?

Steve sat on the couch, rubbed his face and pinched his nose, the definition of a worried Steve Rogers.

“When you stood at the hospital and I went back home I called Fury and told them what had happened, I asked for an escort back at the place since we’d saw computers both old and new,” Tony explained and tab a few more things on the tablet. “A few agents went there and unfortunately two had died in a confront between other people that stood there, they had sent more to grab their technology and ran, knowing we had found the place. Gladly SHIELD got there before their plan could work. Under Fury’s orders, SHIELD took everything and even brought one Hydra agent to make interrogation about other places and such. But since Ross saw your name there he reported it to Fury analyze what he did and went to the interrogate the agent.”

“And?”

Tony kept quiet so Steve answered your question. “And they are hunting you Y/N.”

“What? Why?” Bruce asked and you kept silent. 

The reason they were seeking you wouldn’t be so pleasant to hear.

Tony rose his eyebrows and played the footage of the interrogation, Fury was the one making the questions in the room.

“So Mr.Artem Melnikov, apparently we had found many pictures and information about an Agent called Stark on your small group of ‘friends’. Want to clarify why though?” Fury entered the room with the outlaw file in hands, he pulled the chair and sat right in front of him.

The man smiled and looked up at Fury, Artem face was beaten and sore, his upper lip cut but he stood with a cocky grin on his face. “Your Agent had caused big troubles for us, all of your precious Avengers to be honest, but she pissed more people than the normal.” His accent let clearly where he was from, Ukraine.

You felt tense and confused, Steve was watching the footage as well but you could feel his eyes returning to you every now and then wondering if you knew what all of that was about, maybe he was trying to see what you were feeling about that new ‘information’. 

Differently from Tony and Bruce that had their eyes fixed on the screen.

“And why is that?”

The man kept quiet and played with the handcuffs on his hands.

Fury questioned the man once again but he just scoffed and kept quiet. Fury titled his head and the door opened with two security guards with shock stick’s, the guards move closer to the man and Fury nodded. Both men touched Artem’s arms electrocuting him.

The sound of scream made you retrieved and sat on the couch beside Steve, the scream remained you of the old footage you had seen of Hydra doing with Bucky when he was kept in captivity there, the scream made your heart flinch but you needed to remember that this man might have done things like that with other innocent people, people like Buck.

“Had that man called Mikhail, he,” Artem darted his eyes towards the camera and shook his head. “I’m dead anyway.” He chuckled. “He was the owner of a teenage prostitution cartel in Russia or some shit like that, he used to sell drugs but he saw some good investment in those girls.”

“Where the girls were from?”

“Everywhere! Mexico, Russia, Brazil, United States, Turkey, you name it! And apparently, that Y/N girl had crossed paths with him, he studied him, she’d met him and Ukraine and played mommy and daddy.” Fury rose his eyebrows and processed the information.

The memories returned to your head and you could feel the tension in the air.

None of them had known about the ‘job’ you had done, only Nat.

“Care to explain? I need more than ‘played mommy and daddy’.”

“She helped him to traffic, she moved to his house in Russia, she helped with money, she played the best friend until she became his girlfriend. They walked together and she was always with him at conferences, always! She knew everything.”

“Y/N what the fuck is he talking about?”

Fury scoots closer to the table and gestured to the man to continue. “Until one day his workers started to disappear one by one, like dust! Mikhail was the definition of a mad man, but for her he made everything, he was so lost under her spell that she could do anything and he would believe. He had contacts with other cartels all over the world, and she made him ‘see’ that he should be the only one, so he destroyed all the others. One by one under her orders. It was a genocide and then one day he disappeared, along with all her information and pictures with him. I got called by my brother that used to work for him he wasn’t that close was more of a security and maybe that is why she hadn’t killed him- to check his house, when we got there he was in his bed naked with each member cut out, and was written in his chest ‘trafik bol'she nikogda’ that in English is something as ‘No more traffic.’ ” 

“Mr.Artem, do you want me to believe that Y/N herself destroyed that man you just mention along with each possible cartel of sexual traffic?” Fury questioned Artem’s response, moreover how could he believe in a killer who supports Hydra?

“I think you know how a woman charm can drive a man until destruction Nick Fury what would be the other reason why you send your precious Natalia Romanova in tons of missions?!“ He asked Fury with a smirk on his face. “And I didn’t have the pleasure yet but I heard stories about Y/N’s charm and beauty, heard in the streets that Mikhail killed his own brother when he had looked at her and told something about her much money they would make selling her as a harlot too.”

“Ok, let’s say I do believe in your story… ” Fury stood up and walked around the room studying his movements. “How come me or SHIELD, or any journal didn’t know about that massive destruction? ”

“Oh come on, you didn’t even know it existed. I bet still exist a few more, but we can’t change that. I mean, prostitution had occurred in that shitty world even before the technologies, do you expect it to be extinct now? You would be surprised to know how many powerful men paid tons just to have these pretty little girls with them! But, trust me sex was the least horrible thing they did, I lot would pay just the beaten them or kill them slowly.” With the final answer, Fury punched the man’s face and the footage ended.

“Care to explain?!” Tony asked before throwing the tablet on the couch.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, and took a deep breath; That solo mission had happened years and years ago. “You heard Tony, it was a mission!” You stood up and walked out of the room, just the questionative faces of these men made you sick.

“You are not leaving before we solve this. F.R.I.D.A.Y. lock all doors.” He ordered and the intelligent system obeyed solemnly making impossible for you to leave the room.

You rolled your eyes and glared at Tony. Steve and Bruce stood silently solving the news but of course Tony was overreacting. “What you gonna do? Lock me here until we tell each other our secrets and paint each other nails?”

“Play how much you want princess, but apparently you are in danger which put all of us in danger too! And I think that maybe, just maybe I deserve some sort of explanation!” Tony screamed and his eyes were wide.

Bruce and Steve kept silent, Steve played with his fingers with his eyes gazing a spot on the floor as it was the most interesting thing in the world. Bruce with his arms crossed taking all the information in. Tony rubbed his hands on his face and sat on the opposite couch from Steve taking deep breaths.

“Please just hear me out.” The words left your lips and the three of them nodded their heads. The explanation lasted a couple hours but you came clean them. 

Each reaction was a mix of surprise, worry and judgmental.

You had explained that you did what you did to finish all the traffic. And you got involved with that horrible man because you had to sneak into the system somehow and destroy it. You couldn’t just grab a gun and shot everyone.

“So now Hydra has your files and wants you, it doesn’t make any sense.” Bruce broke the silence and Steve nodded, Tony chuckled and walked into the kitchen to grab a drink.

“Banner is right, it doesn’t make sense, Y/N do you think that Mikhail guy was somehow interconnected with Hydra?” Steve asked and grabbed Tony’s tablet, he gave it a few touches but he didn’t know how to use the device which brought a smile to your lips. “Tony can you please drop the alcohol and help the situation?!” Steve used the “cap voice” which made Tony roll his eyes.

He gave a sarcastic laugh and walked back to the area. “What do you want?”

Steve shook his head and left a puff of air. “I want you to search for any trace of that guy.” Steve pointed to the TV referring to Artem. “See if he has any friends or henchmen and if Mikhail had any Hydra connection, anything that can help us end this.”

Bruce looked at the new info that was appearing on the television, he gave a small smile adorned with sarcasm. “So apparently Hydra was interconnected with them, of course, that freaky organization adores being the bad guys in every possible scenario. You did know that?”

“I didn’t even know Hydra back in the day, but now it makes total sense.” You answered and rubbed your head playing with your hair.

Tony scoffed. “I can’t believe you did that Y/N, in exactly what moment you did those things that I didn’t know about? I basically am with you every single day, and when I’m not I call you every single day!” He shouted the last part but you can’t blame him to feel the way he is feeling.

“It was in that year I asked you to allow me to make a travel to Australia to work in the zoo there, come on Tony what sort of agent I would be if I couldn’t make the phone calls vivid?” Tony steamed his nostrils, he was not your real father, but he sure as hell acted like one should act. “Either way is past now, we need to end this and end Hydra once for all.” You felt bad lying to him, every time he called you in that time you felt a kick in your heart knowing you were lying, but your plan was much important to give up.

Bucky entered the room and made you flinch. 

He looked completely exhausted. Deep dark circles under his eyes, his hair oily and dirty, a few cuts on his face. “What are you guys talking about?” Bucky asked and you avoided his eyes. 

You two hadn’t talked in weeks. 

“A possible mission!” Steve answered his friend. 

Tony felt uncomfortable and left the place telling F.R.I.D.A.Y. to unlock everything. Tony didn’t forgive Bucky yet, he tried though. You two had talked and you explained it wasn’t Bucky but Hydra that did so, after a time he agreed with you but the tension stood palpable whenever both of them were in the same room. 

You couldn’t blame Tony for feeling in the way he does, but of course, you couldn’t blame Bucky either, you just hoped one day both of them will be at peace.“I have a thing to do, bye.” You excused yourself from the room. The topic and Bucky being there made impossible for you to think straight.

Why Hydra got involved in this and how they found you? You used a completely different name, your Russian was perfect and that job was almost 3 years ago. Why now?

Bruce saw Bucky’s hurt expression and tried to help the poor man. “Apparently have a Ukranian guy named Artem that are after Y/N, Tony found some files on the Hydra base Y/N got injured in, they have her name there and they want her.”

The mention of Hydra always makes Bucky angry. All the pain he went through with those people makes him feel all sort of hatred. But he wonders why they want you, of course, you’re part of the team but why they are talking only about you? “Why they want her?”

Steve shook his head and rubbed his face. “Ask her.” He walked out of the room to try to figure a way to solve that problem, Steve Rogers wouldn’t leave a friend in need.

Bucky battled his thoughts. He misses you, of course, he does, but he can’t take the vision of you laid on that hospital bed out of his mind. He can’t forgive the fact that he wasn’t there to take the bullet for you. He hates himself for it.

He left the main room and walked to your room level. Your room was at the same level his was, but with him having an apartment in Brooklyn close to Steve he spent the last weeks there, well the days he wasn’t on deadly missions.

He walked to your door and could hear your muffled sobs. His heart clenched and he swore it was the most painful thing he had ever heard.

He raised his wrist and prepared to knock on the door, but he couldn’t. He took a deep breath and walked away leaving you crying alone. 

                                …

You were crying because your heart felt heavy. Everything you did to kill all of them and they are back? Maybe you weren’t as efficient as you thought you were.

Everything was overwhelming you, the last mission where you barely died, the fact that Bucky wasn’t talking with you, that Ukrainian man searching you along Hydra, the face of disappointment towards you in Tony’s features, your past coming back and the fact that you’ll need to tell them about it make you sick. 

You just wanted to move on, to live a happy life and forget about the terrible past.

But how?

                                 …

>>

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[nev3rfound]

bringing you together : b.b

brief summary: being in military therapy sessions due to injuries from war and suffering with ptsd you become friends with sam. whilst there, he meets your therapy dog and learns more about you. the more he gets to know you, the more he thinks how well you’d get on with bucky.

word count: 2.3k requested: yes, by @tearsforhan girl i love this idea so much (changed a few details, but I hope you like the outcome) warnings: mention of ptsd, war, violence (but it is fluffy I promise)

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it isn’t me. all rights reserved. - thank you to everyone who helped regarding the wattpad situation, you’re all amazing)

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Walking into the building, you keep Wilfred by your side. He walks when you walk, stops when you do and comforts you when you need it most. You never had a dog like Wilfred in your life, but that being said, you never needed one like him until now. 

“Morning, Y/n,” The receptionist, Marcus smiles and you smile back, pausing as he stands up and walks over holding the same glass jar he always approaches Wilfred will. “and Wilf, of course.” He chuckles, watching as Wilfred sits and accepts the treat. 

“Is everyone in yet?” You question as you look down the long corridor, wandering how many have wandered in already, had a chance to talk and explain why they’re here. 

Marcus shakes his head. “Not everyone, a few regulars have gone away for a few days on a retreat.” He explains and you raise an eyebrow. “Yeah, something to do with helping themselves by being away from everything.” 

You let out a soft sigh. “I wish.” You mumble before heading down the corridor, Wilfred by your side as you tense up. A small lick crosses the back of your hand, and you smile down to your golden retriever. You tickle his head with a soft smile. “Good boy.” 

Pushing open the double doors, Wilfred speeds up to avoid his fluffy tail catching. You look around at the large room dotted with chairs. Most are neatly arranged in a circle, but recently they’ve been trying to make it more social and less confrontational. 

Immediately, you find him sat down staring at a jigsaw puzzle. His brows are furrowed together, and his head is resting in his hand. “You seriously struggling with a 200 piece jigsaw?” You chuckle, taking the seat opposite him.

Slowly, Sam lifts his head up and flashes you a smile. “It’s complex.” He mumbles, trying to hide his irritation at the Lady & The Tramp puzzle. “All I’m trying to find is Lady’s eyes, and I swear they aren’t here.” He sighs deeply and watches you scan the area. 

You reach out, placing the piece into place and raise an eyebrow to Sam. “And here I thought your speciality was being observant.” You joke and Sam fake laughs.

“Funny, Y/l/n.” He comments before abandoning the puzzle and rises to his feet. “How was yesterday?” 

Biting on your tongue, you try to hold back the need to cry. You came here for help, not to be thrown backwards. In the time Sam has known you, become your friend he knew it all. Both of you lived through similar experiences, you had lost, been defeated and thrown to the ground with nothing to come back from. 

When you came home, you were plagued with nightmares which lead to insomnia. The person you became wasn’t who you were, instead, she was someone you were deeply afraid of knowing and forced yourself to hideaway. 

Then you met Sam at your second session. He was kind, and he could recognise the resistance in you. How you were holding your arms around your body, wearing baggy clothing to hideaway. It was obvious signs, that, and the way you flinched at the slightest of sounds. 

Zoning back in, Sam patiently waits. It was something he realised he had to do with you, have a level of patience to wait for you to return to the room from your thoughts. “It went okay.” You truthfully admit. “Could’ve been worse, but they say Wilfred is making it easier.” You lower your head, smiling down to your dog who wags his tail. 

“I can definitely tell he helps,” Sam speaks up, seeing the dog sit by your side, leaning against your leg. “you seem calmer.” 

“I don’t feel it.” You laugh lightly, cracking a smile to your friend as you hear the doors opening and the presence in the room changing. 

“Showtime.” Sam mutters and you follow him, taking a seat in the circle as Tom takes the seat in the front, holding the same book before he clears his throat.

You often zone out from Tom when he talks about his feelings, why everyone is here together for today's session. You all have similar stories. All military serviceman with hardships and suffering from mental health issues post service. 

Sometimes you listen to the odd story, those who suffer from phantom limb pain, PTSD like yourself or severe anxiety. Everyone can relate, and many often input their suggestions such as medication, smoking, alcohol or exercise. As someone who tried all of these, you wish you could speak up and advise none of them. 

The session carries on as it always does. As it comes to an end, you’re often met with sunken faces offering coffee or biscuits. At this point, you and Sam both decline the offer of terrible coffee and wander down the road to a small cafe. 

“You didn’t feel like sharing today?” Sam questions as he sips his drink across from you, watching as your fingertip swirls around the latte glass. 

Lifting your eyes up, you shake your head. “Nothing to share.” You mutter and hear Sam sigh. “What? Like I’m going to tell them all about visiting my old base yesterday. That wouldn’t help.” You comment before picking the glass up and sipping at the foam. 

Sam leans forward. “Do you talk to anyone else about anything?” He questions and you raise an eyebrow to him. “Any other friends?” 

Slowly, you shake your head. “All my friends are gone.” You painfully remind yourself. “Just me and Wilfred now.” You glance down at your dog who lies by your feet, fast asleep. “Not much I can do to change that, and as I’m told, I am one of the lucky ones.” Even if you don’t feel it. 

The two of you sit in silence, listening to the faint tune play on the radio as you hear the coffee machine whirring. Here, you felt comfortable as you knew all the sounds. There wasn’t anything to surprise or trigger you in any way, it all was known and knowing brought comfort and ensured safety at all times. 

*

Another day had passed by, and you were back in the bleak building. It didn’t do anything to help itself or look anyway appealing to someone new. To you, it was part of your newly adapted routine. Go to therapy, cry after therapy with Wilfred and try and avoid another panic attack. 

It wasn’t the best routine, but it was all you could do for now.

Except, when you pushed the doors open with Wilfred by your side, you noticed your seat opposite Sam was occupied. 

Wandering over, you smiled to yourself as Wilfred paused. “Well if this is what being replaced feels like, I can’t say I’m a fan.” You speak up, and Sam lifts his head up and smiles to you.

The person in your seat rises to his feet, long dark brown hair covers his neck before he turns to face you. Bright blue eyes lock with yours as he clears his throat. “Sorry, I’m Bucky.” He speaks quietly to you, holding out a hand you notice is entirely metal. 

Thinking nothing of it, you accept the handshake. You’ve met hundreds of people since you left the service, all with limbs made of differing material. But what you do notice is how the design varies from those you’ve previously seen made of metal, this looks high tech. 

“I was just joking,” You apologise. “I’m Y/n. Take it you’re a friend of Sams?” 

Bucky nods to you, looking down to see Wilfred wagging his tail at him. “And who’s this?” He asks, holding his flesh hand out as Wilfred sniffs it, ensuring he’s alright to greet.

“This is Wilfred. He’s my therapy dog.” You explain, motioning it’s okay for Bucky to meet him. “He won’t bite, kinda the opposite of his job.” You chuckle, and Sam can see you being less tense for the first time in weeks. 

Kneeling in front of him, Bucky tickles Wilfred underneath his chin. You watch with a gentle smile before glancing over at Sam who sends you a knowing look. “What?” You question to Sam who simply shrugs his shoulders.

“Nothing, guess I forgot what that smile looked like.” He joked with you as Bucky stood back up, brushing some of the golden fur from his black jacket. “Anyway, we better get a seat.” Sam states and turns to face you.

Tucking his hair behind his ear, Bucky holds his arm out. “You joinin’ us, doll?” He questions and you suddenly feel taken aback by his confidence. 

It’s been over a year since someone’s tried to flirt with you, but you can’t say you mind the treatment at all. “Don’t mind if I do.” You respond, accepting his arm as you take a seat between him and Sam. 

Tom takes his seat with a heavy exhale, something he has a habit of doing. You have a sense he’s a bit of an alcoholic, you know the signs and he definitely ticks most of the boxes. 

You sit back, resting your hands on your lap as Wilfred lies by your side, sat between you and Bucky. 

“I can see a few new faces today amongst ones we know.” Tom speaks up, looking around and pauses on Bucky. “You don’t have to introduce yourself, but it’s always a welcoming way to begin the session. 

Bucky clears his throat before he hesitantly stands up. “Name’s Bucky. I was a soldier, special operations.” He states, leaving out certain details that are almost impossible to fathom. 

He sits back down, and you look over to him with a small smile. His physique definitely matched special operations, and it would explain his arm with ease. 

A few more people stand up and share stories during the session, but all you can think about is the urge to walk out and leave as the adrenaline in your body starts pulsing. 

“And what about you, Y/n?” Hearing your name being mentioned, you lift your head up as Wilfred nudges his head on your leg. 

Tom wears a soft smile to you, the sort that felt overbearing. Everyone else was looking at you, watching you shift uncomfortably in your seat. “Well, I’m doing okay.” You admit, knowing the term of what is okay is variable. What feels okay to you could be torture for another. 

“That’s good, how has therapy helped you so far. We know it has been over a year since you left due to your team being injured on a mission.” Tom eloquently describes and you feel Wilfred slip under your arm as you stroke him. 

“That’s one way of putting it.” You mutter under your breath. “Well, since my team got blown up and I was the sole survivor, I can’t say it was all breezy.” You can feel the sarcasm creeping into your voice, and Sam muttering your name. “No, it’s fine.” You turn to face Sam. “This is what we’re all here for, right? To talk about it in a group, openly speak about what shit we went through.” Your voice becomes louder. “And I suffer from nightmares. I struggle to go outside in the city because every time I hear a car beep its horn I fear it’s going to be another bomb.” 

Your words hang in the air, no one speaks. 

“I, I’m sorry.” You sigh before you stand up and glance to Bucky who keeps his head down as you walk out of the room.

The doors close behind you, and you can feel your chest tightening as you slide down the wall, clutching your head between your legs as Wilfred runs off. 

You silently sob into your chest when you feel a pair of arms rest on your knees. Lifting your head up your met with those blue eyes. He remains silent but simply sits beside you letting you know if you need it, he is there for you. 

Wilfred sits on your other side as your hand remains on his fur, stroking it soothingly as tears continue to stream down your face. “I know, it’s not easy.” Bucky speaks up quietly, having learnt it’s best to keep your voice down for comfort. “And the idea of it getting any easier seems like a joke,” 

You let out a short laugh. “You’re telling me.” You mutter to him, glancing over and see how close he is, his arm now resting around you.

“But talking about it can make a difference, just let your barriers down, doll.” Bucky encourages and you shake your head.

“It’s not that easy to do you know.” You look up to him with cold eyes. “If I could flip a switch that didn’t make me feel like shit I would. If I could forget everything I, I think I’d give it a go.” Tears spill down your eyes and roll from your cheeks. You forcefully wipe them away with an aggravated sigh.

“No one ever said it would be.” Bucky tells you, something you’ve been informed countless times. But the way he says it is different, it’s on a more personal level. “I, I lost everyone I knew and myself when I was serving.” Bucky clears his throat.

You glance up at him, seeing the sadness radiating in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” You mutter to him and he nods. 

“Took me what feels like five decades to learn and accept it.” He tells you, watching as you shuffle closer into him. “We don’t accept it and carry on, Y/n,” Bucky mutters. “we learn to live with it, in whatever way we can.” 

He reaches over, wiping away a tear that falls as you rest your head on his shoulder, Wilfred moves to lie beside Bucky and you remain sat like that until you feel calm.

Unaware of the sight, Sam opens the doors quietly and looks down to see the three of you curled up together. He smiles to himself, thankful that Bucky decided to come after all. That maybe, just maybe you can help one another put the pieces back together. 

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