#I no longer have to uncomfortably listen to things using my headphones to even have a chance
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I just BARELY made the deadline in my time zone, but I did it! This is for Lex's Summer Challenge, Dialogue prompt #25 :) Thank you @thefreakandthehair for organizing this!! <3
It's New Year's Eve, and Steve is not excited.
The kids have all mostly agreed to stay together, setting off fireworks at the Wheeler's house. Robin has a band thing, meaning she will try to cozy up with Vickie but chicken out before the New Year's kiss. And Steve... he plans on checking in on Max who hasn't confirmed if she is going to Mike's.
Things have been rough for her since Billy passed only a few months ago. She hates the trailer she had to move to, and as far as Steve can tell, her mom isn't around much. And if she is, she isn't sober.
The worst thing is that Max doesn't open up to anyone, but there isn't much Steve can do about that. What he can do is drive to her place and bring her dinner.
He goes about making her way too much spaghetti and makes the drive over. The sun is starting to go down, but he just hopes he can make it home in time to put on headphones and pass out before people start celebrating the new year.
He just doesn't want to make it anyone else's problem that he no longer likes the look or sound of fireworks – flashes triggering migraines and memories of Russian torture – so he's put a plan in place. Luckily, everyone should be too busy with New Year's celebrations to pay him any attention.
He pulls up to Max's trailer and parks outside, walking up to the door and knocking quickly. He waits a few seconds, listening for the sound of footsteps coming to the door, but they don't come. He pulls his jacket a little tighter around himself, shifts the tub of spaghetti from his left side to the right, and knocks again.
After waiting a few minutes, Steve turns and notices the sun is now on the horizon.
He glances around the trailer park, cursing himself for not bringing his walkie. His eyes land on a van at the trailer across the way that looks somewhat familiar. He notes that there are no negative thoughts that accompany looking at it, but rather, he feels a bit indifferent to it.
He starts walking that way, hoping he knows the owner, and further hoping that they're nice enough to let him use their phone. He walks up the steps and knocks before stepping down.
Luckily, this time he hears the sound of footsteps from inside and a bit of muffled cursing before the door swings open.
Oh. That's how he knows the van.
Eddie Munson looks down at him, totally bewildered, and shifts uncomfortably, eyes flickering toward the spaghetti while asking, "What are you doing here?" Before he can answer, Munson gets a look of realization and answers himself, "Right, my great supply."
"No," Steve says quickly. "I just need to use your phone."
Munson quickly stiffens again. "Why?"
Steve sighs and shifts the tub again which has started to feel heavier with every passing moment. "My friend lives over there," he says, throwing his thumb over his shoulder, "And I need to check if she's okay."
"No way," Munson says, hands coming up before he crosses his arms, "No way I'm letting you use my phone to call some hookup."
"It's not a hookup. She's in middle school."
"What?" Eddie asks, looking even more horrified.
"Not like that!" Steve says and runs his free hand through his hair. "She's friends with a group of kids that I babysit."
"And why do you want to call her?"
Christ. "Because I'm worried about her, okay? She's not someone who asks for help, and she's not answering the door. I just need to know if she's safe at her friend's house."
Eddie stares at him for a few more seconds then asks, "What’s the spaghetti for?"
"Her."
He's fixed with the same suspicious stare until Eddie finally nods his head and opens the door for Steve to come inside. Eddie gestures to where the phone is and leans back against the kitchen counter, crossing his arms and watching his every move.
Steve tries to shrug it off as he dials the Wheelers and waits for one of them to answer.
"Hello?"
Steve smiles and politely replies, "Hi, Mrs. Wheeler, it's Steve."
"Oh, Nancy is currently-"
"No, no," Steve cuts her off, seeing the way that Eddie is starting to tense up. "I wasn't calling about Nancy. I was just wondering if Max was there with the other kids. I stopped by to check on her, but she didn't answer the door."
Steve can feel his heart thud in his chest as he waits for the reply. "That's very kind of you. But she's with the boys right now. Did you want me to pass a message to her?"
"No," Steve says in relief. "No, I just wanted to make sure she was okay. Thank you, Mrs. Wheeler. Happy New Year."
"Happy New Year, Steve," she replies and hangs up.
Steve puts the phone back and turns to Eddie. "Thanks, man. I owe you one."
Eddie tilts his head to the side and narrows his eyes. "Why do you care about her so much?"
Steve sighs and gestures toward the counter with the container of spaghetti in hand. "Can I?" Eddie nods in response, so Steve sets it down. He runs a hand through his hair and asks, "Do you remember Billy Hargrove?"
Eddie scoffs, "Like I could forget the asshole."
Steve nods. "Well, Max was his step-sister."
"Oh," Eddie says, shifting uncomfortably.
Steve shrugs. "They didn't have the greatest relationship, but she's been really closed off since...” he trails off uncomfortably, trying not to remember the moment he died.
Eddie nods his head. “Right.”
Steve nods back and gestures toward the spaghetti, changing the subject. “You can have that by the way as a thank you for letting me use your phone. I really appreciate it. And hey, Happy New Year.”
Eddie’s jaw drops slightly as if he wants to say something but none of the words come out. So, Steve walks to the front door and opens it. He doesn’t even move a step down the stairs before a big firework lights up the sky as the loud noise rings out.
Steve freezes. He feels his breathing getting shaky and shallow as he remembers the fireworks exploding on that spider looking thing’s back.
He closes his eyes tight, trying to fend off the images, but the darkness only reminds him of the black that slowly devoured his vision when the Russians knocked him out.
“Hey, hey,” a soft voice says, “I’ve got you.”
Steve notices the way he’s somehow on the ground with his back pressed against something warm and that same heat wraps around his torso. He blinks back into reality a bit as warm hands run up and down his arms slowly. “You okay?”
Steve sinks back into Eddie’s arms and closes his eyes. "Fireworks aren't exactly... my favorite thing."
Eddie breathes out sharply through his nose. “Yeah, I kind of picked up on that.”
Steve just nods, allowing himself to be comforted for a few seconds before he tenses up and begins to stand up. “Sorry,” he apologies as he makes his way back to the front door. “Don’t know what got into me.”
He puts his hand on the door handle, moving his body to block Eddie’s view from his shaking hand.
“Hey,” Eddie says close behind him, “Just stay until the fireworks stop. I don’t want you driving into my trailer on the way out or something.”
Steve turns and asks, “Are you sure?”
Eddie nods and gestures to the container. “Plus, there’s no way I can eat this whole thing on my own.”
Steve is about to say that he’ll be fine when another firework goes off outside, startling him again. “Okay,” he agrees, wondering how the hell this is going to end up. Steve “The Hair” Harrington and Eddie “The Freak” Munson spending New Years together.
Eddie hands Steve the container and grabs two bowls and forks before walking off. Steve follows behind him to what he assumes to be Eddie’s room, slightly confused about the change in scenery.
“Sorry it’s a mess. I wasn’t expecting visitors,” Eddie says awkwardly shoving things around.
Steve just smiles as he looks at the room. “I like it. It feels comfortable,” he confesses. And it does. With the way his parents force him to keep a spotless room that never feels lived in, it’s nice to be in a bedroom that really reflects someone.
Eddie considers him for a moment and just nods as he takes the container and sets it on his dresser alongside the bowls before pointing at his stack of tapes. “I’m going to guess our music taste isn’t really similar, but feel free to dig through for something you might like that’ll drown out the fireworks.”
Steve’s heart skips a beat at the thoughtfulness before he makes his way to the tapes, digging through several unfamiliar names that he kind of wants to ask about, but instead he can’t help but ask, “So, what are you doing alone on New Years?”
Eddie scoops himself a generous amount of pasta as he answers, “Gareth is at a school thing, Jeff is with his family in New York, and Grant’s parents kind of don’t like me.”
“Why’s that?”
Eddie fixes Steve with a look. “I’m not exactly ‘meet the parents’ material, and it doesn’t help that I used to hold band practice in his garage and would play louder whenever they told us to quiet down.”
Steve smiles. “I would love for you to do that to my parents. God, they would be so pissed.” He grabs another tape and instantly smiles and holds it up to Eddie. “I love Queen.” He immediately puts it into the cassette player and turns the volume up enough to block out additional noise while still being able to hear Eddie talk.
He turns and finds Eddie handing him a bowl and fork with a soft smile on his face, “You know, you’re not what I thought you’d be.”
“Yeah?” Steve asks.
Eddie nods and sits cross legged on his mattress. “Honestly, I thought you’d be an asshole. You know. King Steve and all that shit.”
Steve runs a hand through his hair as he sits next to him. “I don’t think I’m ever going to live that down.”
“You will if you get out of Hawkins,” Eddie says, shoveling a forkful of spaghetti in his mouth.
Steve twirls his pasta and stares at it. “I don’t know if I’ll ever leave here,” he confesses.
“Why not?”
“I’m not smart enough to make a living somewhere else. Plus, if I move, my parents likely won’t support me – my dad likes keeping me under his thumb. And the kids need me to drive them around.” And they need him in case Hawkins gets another dose of Hell, but he can’t tell Eddie that. “Plus, I don’t think there’s anywhere that would accept me, a former jock and asshole whose only friends are children and Robin. And they’re all so smart that they’ll eventually realize they’re dumb for keeping me around.” He stabs at his spaghetti before putting the bowl down and resting his head in his hands. “I don’t know, man.”
There’s a pause, and Steve hears a dull thud from a firework outside the trailer even over the music that startles him a bit. It’s so damn annoying that something small like this can reduce him to this.
“Run away with me.”
Steve head slowly comes up. “What?”
Eddie wipes his mouth and sets his bowl on his side table. “Run away with me,” he repeats. “After I graduate, I’m going to run like hell out of here. Come with me to find a place that accepts a former jock and a...” he trails off and looks away nervously. “Uh, a freak,” he awkwardly fills in.
The bowl in Steve’s hand suddenly feels like it’s in the way, so he sets it on the floor before turning to Eddie and leaning closer to him, hands itching to reach out. “Come on, you can tell me what you were really going to say.”
Eddie searches his eyes before laying back on his bed dramatically, trailing his hands over his face. “You know what I was going to say. You’ve heard the rumors. Everyone has.”
Steve has heard several rumors about Eddie, including one about how he worships the devil and does satanic rituals on top of his trailer in the middle of the night. But he has a feeling he knows which rumor he’s talking about. “Yeah, but rumors are rumors for a reason. You never know which ones are true.”
Eddie sighs and looks up at Steve. He looks like he’s on the verge of telling him before he asks, “So, why aren’t you with your friends tonight? The kids or Robin.”
He looks down at Eddie for a few moments, wondering if he’ll drop the question, but he holds his ground. Steve shrugs. “Robin is at the thing with all the band kids, chickening out with her crush, and the kids don’t want their babysitter around. Plus, they want to launch fireworks or play Dungeons and Dragons or something.”
Eddie perks up and sits up on his elbows. “Dungeons and Dragons? The kids you babysit play that?”
“Yeah. And don’t make fun of them for it. They talk about it all the time, and I think it sounds cool,” Steve says, always quick to defend Dustin even if he’s into weird nerdy shit.
Eddie sits up entirely and looks at Steve excitedly. “You think Dungeons and Dragons is cool?” he asks in disbelief.
Steve shrugs in response. “It’s not really my thing, but yeah.”
“Dude, I’m the leader of Hellfire. You know, the Dungeons and Dragons club at school? What are the kids' names?”
“Dustin, Lucas, and Mike.”
Eddie bounces up and down excitedly. “Holy shit, I thought Dustin was kidding when he said he was friends with you.”
It suddenly clicks, Dustin had mentioned Eddie’s name before, but Steve had never really thought about it as Eddie Munson of all people. “Shit, Dustin talks about you all the time, I just never connected the dots.”
“He doesn’t shut up about you. The kid adores you. He’d kill me if I took you away from here.”
“And he’d kill you if you ever left.”
Eddie smiles and nudges Steve. “Looks like we’re both stuck here.”
Steve smiles back at him, eyes tracing over Eddie’s face. He’s not sure why he’s never really noticed him before. He guesses he’s always been so stuck in his own shit that Eddie just kind of passed him by somehow. But he’s finally noticing his dimples, and the way his eyes are so deeply brown and easy to get lost in, and his lips looks so full and-
Eddie lightly shoves him back, a pink blush appearing on his cheeks, “Eat your spaghetti before it gets cold.”
Steve grabs his bowl and does as he’s told, watching as Eddie gets up to turn up the music a little louder. When he sits back on the bed, the two eat in comfortable silence, letting the music fill the space. Steve’s not sure if he’s ever been able to warm up to someone so quickly, but it makes sense that he’d be able to bond with someone who loves Dustin.
The song ends and goes into the next. Steve finishes his last bite of spaghetti and laughs as “Somebody to Love” starts playing. He puts his bowl down and lays back on the bed, letting the song wash over him. He sings the lyrics under his breath until he hears Eddie doing the same thing and turns to look up at him. They lock eyes just in time to sing, “Can anybody find me somebody to love?”
Eddie laughs and lays next to him joining him through the rest of the song. Steve feels ridiculous, but Eddie makes a show of playing air guitar, yelling, “I know how to play this!” Steve just laughs and watches him, feeling his heart beat a little faster in a way it hasn’t for somebody else in a while.
He sings the rest of the song, mainly focusing on Eddie and the way he so easily gives into the music, unafraid of what Steve might think. As it comes to an end, Steve feels something shift inside him, but Eddie is quick to laugh, “Steve Harrington how can you be struggling to find somebody to love?”
Steve smiles sadly. “I think I’ve been looking in the wrong place all along, but I’ve been starting to think that maybe I’m unlovable.”
Eddie scoffs and moves closer to him. “If you think you’re unlovable then there’s no hope for the rest of us.”
Steve has to move closer to hear him over the music and talk without shouting. “Does that include you?”
“What do you think?” Eddie asks, tilting his head with a curious smile.
“I think,” Steve starts, unsure of how he’s going to finish the sentence, “If there’s no hope for you either, then maybe...”
“Maybe?” Eddie prompts.
Steve’s eyes glance down at Eddie’s lips. “Maybe...” He looks up at Eddie’s eyes, seeing the confusion, slight fear, and hope. “Maybe you should finish what you were going to say earlier.”
“Steve...” Eddie says, “You can’t be asking me...”
“Then, I’ll ask you. Is it midnight yet?”
Eddie’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Not even close.”
“What if I lie and say that it is so I can ask you for a New Years kiss?” Steve asks boldly.
Eddie’s breath hitches. “Then, I’d say yes and start counting down from ten.”
“Nine,” Steve says immediately.
“Eight,” Eddie replies, shifting onto his knees.
“Seven.” Steve scoots closer, leaning in to brush their noses together.
“Six,” Eddie exhales.
“Five.” Steve’s hands come up to hold onto the back of Eddie’s head.
“Four.” Eddie’s hands press into Steve’s back to bring him closer.
“Three.” Steve tilts his head, already brushing his lips against Eddie’s, sending a shiver down his spine.
“Two,” Eddie whispers, hands gripping on tighter, left hand tracing up between his shoulders to slot their torsos together.
“One,” Steve says, barely finishing the word as he presses his lips against Eddie’s, finally ending the longest countdown of his life.
He deepens the kiss immediately, tasting spaghetti and a hint of something that is purely Eddie which he finds entirely intoxicating.
The music fades from one song into the next, and Steve’s pretty sure a firework goes off in the silence, but he’s too distracted by Eddie to really respond to it. He feels Eddie’s arms tighten around him, slowly guiding him down to lay back on the bed.
Eddie breaks the kiss to look down at Steve. “This okay?” he asks.
Steve nods and says, “Happy New Year.”
Eddie smiles and shakes his head in disbelief. “Happy fucking New Year.”
He finally understands why people cheesily talk about fireworks going off during a kiss. And maybe even with everything, fireworks aren’t too bad if this is what he can associate them with.
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love is sweet
satoru gojo x afab!reader with no pronouns used | 1.7k + words
when the weight of the world feels like too much and only satoru can help, in ways only satoru can
warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, soft smut, anxious/stressed out reader, sensory overload mentions, crying, lots of pet names, not a great way to cope with your issues but i needed it so here we are, unedited
sometimes the stress and feelings of everyday life are too much, making it to tomorrow seems like an impossible task and yet everyday you push forward. the weight on your shoulders gets heavier and heavier no matter how much it feels like you can’t take it anymore and with each passing day you feel it bringing you further into the cold, dark ground.
you knows it's partly your own fault. if you could just articulate yours feelings and worries in words maybe you could talk about it, get it off your chest and allow someone to help but that's never been how you’ve done things. always having to learn things the hard way, so many people have described your failures and struggles as such and maybe they’re right. how much longer would you choose to suffer in silence when your heart is screaming for help, how much longer would you push down the lid with all your mite, attempting to keep everything at bay when you feel your emotions bubbling over? would anyone even care to listen when the words of your heart finally make it out of your mouth or when you needed help cleaning up the mess you could no longer stop from spilling over the edge?
there are a few in your life that you think might care but are you really ready to let it all out? to show what you think is the ugliest side of you to those you hold close? even if they’ve seen it before you hate when you slip and let those uncomfortable emotions show. you have to put on a good face, you don't want to upset anyone by being an imperfect vision of yourself.
some days the perfectionism you expect from yourself needs a lot of strength to hold together but it’s strength you don't always have and you feel it dwindling. work emails that you have to read multiple times have tears pricking at your eyes; no matter how many times you read the words they pass by and any information they may contain doesn’t register in your brain. loud cars outside make your skin crawl. on top of the thoughts in your head it's all too much. even the music you normally play in your headphones seems so overwhelming but somehow the silence is even worse, giving your anxious thoughts the perfect place to play their annoying tunes, to be as loud as they’d like.
the distractions you’ve planned ahead for yourself when you get like this don’t seem to be working either. the entire world around you is loud and suffocating, swirling with anger and stress and worries you’ve put off too long that won’t quiet down, that can’t be drowned out by anime or video games or manga.
there’s only one person you know that can draw your mind away from the most intense storms that rage and crash in your heart and before you fully register where you are and how or when you actually got there, you’re already knocking on his door with fightly balled up fists.
“well hello there my little mochi, what a sweet surprise.”
sartorus cooing voice pulls your gaze from the gray carpet, taking notice of the casual clothes he was wearing but when you look up into his sparkling cerulean eyes you aren’t sure if coming here was a good or bad idea. you’re not good at hiding from those eyes.
before he can look at your face long enough to see the pain and stress you try so hard to hide, you press into him. reaching up for his face with both hands and pulling his lips to yours as you move deeper into the apartment, kicking the door closed behind you with your heel.
satoru easily falls into rhythm with your movements, not missing a beat when you kiss him deep and desperate or tug at the strands of his white hair. the moan he lets slip past his lips when you tug a little harder than you normally do is sinful, electrifying and you hope maybe it’s enough to pull you from this stupor. strong hands find their way behind yours legs, eager fingers sinking into the fat of your thighs before lifting you off the ground and making his way towards the bedroom. your lips never part even though you’re finding it hard to breathe. all you want to feel is this, to feel him; anything but this uncomfortableness in your chest and the looming darkness that covers your shoulders like a heavy cloak.
your back meets the soft plush of his mattress and you flex your legs around him, pulling sartorus hardening dick to your clothed cunt. he smirks against your lips and finally pulls away for so much needed air. his bright eyes stand out in the dim light of the room and you can feel his gaze eating you up. you need to move, to do anything to stop him from looking too deep and seeing that which you try so hard to hide
“please fuck me ‘toru,” you beg, reaching out for him and closing your eyes before your gazes meet. could he have seen the tears on the rims of your eyes in this lighting? you hope not. but it doesn’t matter because your voice gives you away. no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t hide the strain in your voice, not from someone who has memorized each octave of the sound he found most lovely in the world.
satoru feels his heart drop to his stomach and pulls away from you, his once eager expression turning to worry. “bunny, what’s wrong?”
his anxious tone almost brings your not so well put together walls crumbling down into nothing but sand. you can feel him looking at you but you don’t open your eyes, too afraid you’ll cry if you get a good look at him. instead you bring your hands up to your face in an attempt to hide and avoid his question, close yourself off but long and slender fingers that have no intention of letting you slip past them wrap around your wrists and pull your hands far away until they’re resting against something hard and filled with warmth; his chest.
“y/n…” his voice is soft, barely above a whisper. “..have i done something wrong?”
hot tears spill from your closed eyes out without permission. this was exactly what you didn’t want.. you didn’t want to hurt or burden him or make him worry.. how is it that you’ve made the most confident man you knowsquestion if he was the problem? something was wrong with you, not him, never him.
“no love.. not at all..”
he lets go of one of your wrists but you keep it on his chest, his heat and the beating inside his chest calming your own racing heart. his touches come to your face, gently wiping the tears away but they’re only replaced with more. “what is it then?”
his touch coaxes your eyes open and even though you want to look away or stop crying like a baby underneath him, you can’t bring yourself to do either. using his shirt under your fingers you pull him close again. if he really wanted to he could have resisted but he doesn’t and he lets you pepper kisses onto his exposed neck.
“dont wanna talk about it,” you say through the press of your lips to his soft skin, his sugary scent filling your nose and your tears salting your tongue. “i just want you.. please..”
“angel-”
“‘toru!” your cry of his name cuts off his words and the force you use to pull him closer has him almost unable to stop his body from completely crushing yours, only barely to move his hand to hold himself above you, but you wouldn’t care if it did. you just needed to stop him before there was no turning back, before your emotions burst into a raging sea and took you both down with it. burying your face into his neck, letting his snowy hair tickle your forehead, you push out the last bit of words your body can muster and hope it’s enough to convince him to give into your wishes, even though you both know it’s not the best way to cope with what’s on your mind. “don’t want to think about anything but you so please.. help me forget about it.. just for a little while.”
“okay,” he says tenderly against the side of your head and uses his strength to lift you from the bed and into his lap. his next words are whispered on your lips as you tug at and unbutton his shirt, your eyes still weeping but he’d be sure to stop them soon enough. “it’s okay, i’ve got you.”
every movement he makes is slow and considerate, with enough pressure you remind you he’s there and to lean on him but enough gentleness to remind you that you would be okay and if all else failed, he would be there to hold you through it all. he would ensure nothing, not even your own mind, could harm you. he wouldn’t allow it and as the strongest, he would make and keep that promise to you over and over again.
any clothes you both had on were left forgotten on his bedroom floor and all that remained on your body was lingering warmth from each kiss his lips placed on it and he didn’t let a single spot go untouched.
over your relationship together you have known satoru to be many things; forward. teasing. annoying. sweet like the candy he so often ate. a lover who could fuck you hard and fast, tame a bratty side of you in only a way he could, but also fuck you slow and romantic like you were the only one he has ever loved but nothing prepared you for the tenderness he displayed tonight.
sweet and honest words of your beauty, your strength, your love, your kindness, whispered against your skin lit your cold heart on fire and when his long fingers spread your wet folds and sank into your tight cunt, inch by inch, your whole body matched the heat of your chest. every curl of his fingers inside your velvety walls has you forgetting more and more about the burdens that weighed so heavily on you before and soon, when his aching cock fills you the brim, the whole world is nothing but soft white, crystalline blue, the love you hold for each other and the smell of strawberry cake.
main masterlist
#satoru gojo#jujutsu kaisen#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojou x reader#satoru gojou#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#satoru gojo smut#lunas moonlight stories#satoru gojou smut#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru#gojou satoru x reader#gojou satoru
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My Ambrose is out there somewhere.
My home.
TW; bad home life, bad relationship with parents, venting but also comforting myself. i need to hear all of this and maybe someone else does too.
A place where I'm not daily told things like, "you're given the grace of being allowed to put posters up on your walls even though dad doesn't like the marks left behind from the blutac you use, but your brother isn't because dad doesn't like him" (this was today's comment and I'm still reeling. Had to cry it out, it made me uncomfortable and I felt sick and I don't understand why)
or
"make sure you do your washing up after every meal, don't leave it for someone else" even though most days I do everyone's dishes, including my own, and barely receive a thank you for it. All I get is a "you shouldn't have done that. Naughty!" like I'm a child and not a twenty five year old woman who is very self-sufficient and was just seeing how stressed her parents were and wanted to help out.
or
"just stop worrying about it" when I try to open up to one of my parents about my fears of a future which is looking bleaker and bleaker. a place where i'm never listened to, even if i bother opening up i only ever feel worse for it. i never feel safe here, i always try to keep myself quiet and even if no one is around, i'll lock my bedroom door and use headphones to listen to music because even if i'm just watching tv in my room, any evidence i'm in here is "just noise" and met with the door being shut even if i don't want it to be.
a place where i'm made to feel like my existence is my fault and i must apologise for it. a place where i'm always left to cry alone, to scrape myself up off the floor because even if they heard me, they wouldn't come in to comfort me. they'd leave me to it, leave me to handle myself alone, and so i no longer bother asking for help or comfort from them. i just do it alone. i'm not sure i'd know how to accept comfort if given, so when friends speak to me kindly or say they love me, i burst into tears because i need them but they're all the way on the other side of the world and i am here alone.
or
"this is my house, my rules", even though i pay rent to occupy it. here in this house is my bedroom, the one i've rotted in lived in since i was fifteen. my bedroom, with the dark green floral carpet and the white walls they promise they will paint once every year. they've redecorated the house so many times, spent weeks painting out my brother's room and the kitchen and the living room, but they never ever do mine and it hurts. especially because when i offer to do it myself, i hear, "your bedroom isn't yours just because you pay rent. you're only borrowing it." and so i'm stuck with a room i hated at fifteen (except the carpet - i love the carpet) and i hate it now at twenty five.
or to never be told that my parents are proud of me, to not be told that I'm doing something right, to not be told that I'm not secretly a bad person, I'm just human and therefore messy and too hard on myself. Too self-aware, too, which is a huge problem as well. to be told unprompted that they love me. i shouldn't have to ask to be loved, but i do, so i never ask. i want it to be a natural thing but they never say it, i never ask, and the wound keeps festering.
a place where i won't be a soundboard to my mother and to realise that i'm so very very much like her; we have the same nervous habits, we have similar ways of shutting down or being emotional when we're overwhelmed and i'm fucking terrified every second of every day to become her, or maybe i am already her but like her, i just can't see it. my parents always tell me "you're your mother, but twenty years younger" and they mean it as a compliment but it makes me feel sick. i don't want to become my parents, i don't i don't i don't.
a place where i'm made to feel like i really would do anything for my parents' approval or some sign that they want me, love me. me, and not all the things i do for them. i did many things for them today, like i do every day, and not a single thing for me and time is running out time is running out time is running out....
my Ambrose is out there somewhere.
my home is out there somewhere and i will be free from this place one day.
one day, i will turn the corner of a long and confusing, hard and complicated road, and Ambrose will stretch out in front of me, and just like how i experience this wide shot of it in House of Wax, I will smile, breathe, and think, home. it will fit me like a glove, and i will be free. to exist, to play music loudly, to shower when i want, to go and get food at night when i'm hungry, to not have to feel like i'm always doing something wrong even if all i'm doing is making a cup of coffee, to not have to watch my tone and monitor how i speak to people because there are easily triggered tempers in this house and i am afraid of confrontation and anger, raised voices and shouting, one day i can have my own room decorated in my own way and pay rent KNOWING my space is mine. so i can do what i want with it.
all i have are tomorrows and somedays and one days, but this isn't my forever. my Ambrose is out there waiting for me. it has to be. this isn't my forever. i will be free one day💖.
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going to my dads house is difficult for multiple reasons, but one i don't often talk about is just how the environment is so uncomfortable compared to how it was when i lived there.
obviously almost all of my stuff is gone, and my dad's now-wife (i still can't call her my stepmom, its just a mental block for me) has moved in all her stuff, but it's just smaller things that get to me.
he changed the lightbulbs in my old room. it used to just be one orange bulb, because it was less harsh on my eyes, and now its two bright white ones. there's no little lamps or anything to turn on so i either have to sent in darkness or complete brightness, and its bothersome. its too much either way.
he likes to turn the a/c fan off now. it used to always be on, but now he says he likes the silence, so he keeps it off most of the time. i have to turn it on because, to me, the silence is stifling. it almost feels like that noise-cancelling pressure you get with nice headphones. not painful, but just heavy.
i don't know why i came back here for a whole week. i just wanted to see my friend a bit earlier, but i wish i had stayed home an extra day or two. i feel insane because i don't particularly mind staying here, but i just would rather be home, even if i'd be alone and maybe lonely there. im still lonely here, but that's just sadder.
ive only been home a day and my dad has (all jokingly, mind you, always joking) called my friend a slut because she was wearing a crop top, called my roommates mom a pedophile because she offered me a place to live after college if i needed it (which was incredibly kind because she knows my difficulties with my parents and hasn't even met me in person), made a joke about women belonging in the kitchen, and had an uncomfortable conversation when i opened up enough to tell him i was romantically talking to someone. not to mention the dozens of times so far he has outright ignored me or walked away while i was talking (even if i was answer a question that he asked in the first place).
this is all difficult to communicate with people because none of it is outright painful or mean, it's just uncomfortable. when im here, it feels like im having to parent my own dad like "is that a nice thing to say?" or "let's rephrase that" and having to be mature and put together because he's not. and his wife is nice, she asks how i am and what im doing but i don't think she really wants to know. she asks to be nice and because she likes me, but sometimes its just like talking to a wall who's smiling at me constantly.
the holidays are hard. im glad i have my own place now, and i wish i would've stayed there just a little longer. my sister isn't even coming to stay too, so i have no one to endure this with. sometimes its really exhausting just being home, where no one really listens and my bedsheets aren't my own and i have to dig thru the closet for musty blankets because i didn't bring any.
i brought my weighted dinosaur, which made me feel a bit silly carrying it out from the car, but he helps. even if it rubs me wrong when my dad throws him or punches his stomach or when my friend lets her dogs sniff and lick at him. it's sooo silly, i know this, but it's like it makes every inch of me be all spikey, child-like, saying "no, that's mine, don't hurt it, it's mine" over a dino.
damn.
10:50pm
11/19/23
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Week 19 -
Show and listen
I originally was apprehensive to show the video and was only going to use the diary pages instead but last minute I decided to show it on my iPad on the side - which in turn turned out to be the best thing as the video got the biggest reception, with me even being to,s that the writing and drawings don’t need to be used and the video holds up enough by itself. This felt really encouraging as I didn’t know how people would react to the video, as it’s the first time I’ve shown work like it.
There were comments about it being hard to watch because it is so relatable and speaks/shows parts of someone that people often hide away which Is more or less exactly what I wanted to viewer to feel. It is uncomfortable but life can be uncomfortable but we shouldn’t have to act like it isn’t. There was a comment about it being confessional art and how it exposes the viewer as well as the artist.
There was a few critiques about it needed to be longer and also not breaking the 4th wall, but altogether the feedback was really constructive and definitely set me up for making my next film.
They also spoke about staging and how having it on a screen definitely feels more intimate and possibly using headphones too to emphasise on that
People picked up on the birds feeling nostalgic too which was positive.
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Scope, not context.
Ashen-Land was full of characters. It was like a book that unfolds with three-dimensional art and everyone was there, like for a school picture. The only problem is, only a few have clear-cut honest representations, like Samantha. Samantha has this beautiful, twirled air and reminds me of a vertical rainbow twirl pop. Her world isn't sideways, it's this beautifully and skillfully concocted rainbow twirl, one color lending itself to the next. The art of the rainbow, well she picks her colors. She makes a house a very cheerful home and enjoys every last detail of her home. This home is the air around her. Sometimes I feel assaulted by cheeriness although it's more wonderful to feel after being miserable for so long.
Her words dance atop the rainbow swirl, a sing-song vibe, sometimes too happy to digest after a long day of villains in Ashen-Land, running around reminding you of the horrors that they want to bring to life. After one day of "I want to assault you....Do you want to know what I would do?" And graphic descriptions to accompany plans to destroy the world during biology by another disgruntled student, cheeriness doesn't seem like a reality. She seems untouched by these students and tells me life isn't so bad with an honest smile and pats me on the shoulder and explains the good in life. With a tear making its way to the surface in one eye, I honestly don't believe everything she says after who I have been exposed to, and I smile and say, "At least one of us still has hope."
Of course she's not in my classes and therefore she wouldn't know of these students. By the way, did I mention how serious the kid in biology was when he said how he would destroy the world? The teacher shrugged it off, although I didn't. And even though Samantha's world is this nice and generous rainbow twirl pop, I wonder if it can be real. I linger in the space a little bit longer even after she leaves, and then I put on my headphones and cd player. Garbage is on and the leadoff song, "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" is playing when Mr. Doom appears. The music was blaring and I didn't hear a thing and he got in my space and pulled my headphones out of the jack and suddenly my song was gone. Taking my only joy out of the realistic day, I started crying. Next, he was gone and then another man was there. He was staring at me, sitting on the curb and wondered what-in-the-world was I doing crying!?
He started lecturing and I wasn't listening at first, I was thinking of how I want joy. "You're not listening, are you?" He pointed to me. "I want joy," I screeched through sobs. Then he started explaining about joy. I calmed down and listened intently. Seeing this and sensing my joy, he continued his explanation, and I loved every moment of it.
And then, Mr. Doom appeared. Neither one of us were prepared for what he did and said. (Insert incident(s) here)
After the air changed into this tense, uncomfortable air, a fairytale threw-up into the moment. He arrived.
"I found you"
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still can’t believe a weighted blanket has literally cured all my sleep issues
#it would take me anywhere between 20min (very fast) to like 4 hours to get to sleep#now it’s just like#bam#don’t remember lying there for more than a few min#can’t believe it’s taken me this long to try one#I no longer have to uncomfortably listen to things using my headphones to even have a chance
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So I (finally!) bought a pair of really good noise cancelling headphones, and it has changed my life! It's the fanciest thing I've bought in years, so to recoup some of the cost, I’ve researched & written a little essay based on my experiences with extreme noise sensitivity.
Hypersensitivity to sound is something I’ve dealt with all of my life, but I only recently found out it's medically known a Hyperacusis. (Please note this is a separate condition from Misophonia.) If you consistently struggle to cope with noise, the info below could be helpful! I’m including a link to my ko-fi, and I will be answering questions in the notes.
(skip to the bottom to read fun facts about my tax return and/or street organs vendettas!)
DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional, this is based solely on my experiences as a patient, and on what I have read and been told by professionals. Please notify me if you have corrections or concerns about accuracy!
BACKGROUND: Sensitivity to sound is a common type of sensory issue. While anyone can experience such issues (most people, for example, might be bothered by loud music in a crowded restaurant), some people are more sensitive than others, to the point it becomes a quality-of-life aka a medical issue.
If you consistently struggle with environmental stimuli that other people aren’t bothered by (background noises, bright lights, certain textures and tastes, etc), to the point it causes daily discomfort or limits the environments you can be in, I recommend reading about Sensory Processing Disorder.
SPD and sound sensitivity are both super common in autistic folks (like me!), but allistic (non-autistic) people can experience them too. Weep, ye prisoners of mortal coil, for none are safe, nothing sacred, not in this thy most accursed tomb of human flesh!
Anyway.
SOUND SENSITIVITY or HYPERACUSIS: Noise issues are particularly difficult to navigate in a world that is increasingly...noisy. The relatively new phenomenon of constant overhead music in restaurants, grocery stores, shopping malls etc—all of this means that public spaces are increasingly inaccessible to people with auditory issues.*
As a kid, nothing quite triggered sensory overload/meltdowns for me like the constant exposure to noise I couldn’t control—the background chatter of other kids in the lunchroom, the constant noise in public spaces, being trapped in the car with the radio on.... I had so many fights with my siblings about the car radio, and who got to choose the music.**
But it’s not just loud sounds that are the problem. As an adult who lives alone and works from home***, I’m lucky enough to be able to avoid loud environments most of the time. This does wonders for my general levels of anxiety and discomfort. But even in a mostly controlled environment, I still experience problems. Because part of sound sensitivity is that even normal or quiet sounds can feel loud and intrusive. Here are some “normal” sounds that can cause me discomfort (ranging from annoyance to outright pain, depending on the day):
refrigerator/AC/ceiling lights humming
dishwasher/washing machine noises
ceiling fan making that damn ceiling fan noise
faint sounds of traffic
riding in a car
other people having a normal conversation in the background
someone talking to me in a perfectly normal inside voice
Unfortunately, even in a “controlled” environment, many triggering noises can’t be controlled. And many parts of life can’t be lived in a controlled environment. This presents...some incredibly freaking annoying problems. Luckily there are solutions!
Sorta.
There are sorta some solutions.
They are imperfect, but they help.
TREATMENT: And now I have something rather shame-faced to admit. In all the years of managing my symptoms, it never once occurred to me to see a hearing specialist for my issues with sound. I wasn’t even aware that treatment options exist, because none of my other doctors mentioned it. Instead, I’ve spent years finding my own coping mechanisms and tools, with help from therapists and psychiatrists, but without ever consulting an audiologist/ENT. It was only while researching this post that I found out that was even an option, holy shit.
So it turns out I am going to be making an appointment with my local ENT practice. shit.
Apparently treatment options include sound/acoustic therapy, systematic desensitization/exposure therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, sound machines, and other options that I had no idea even existed, goddammit.
MANAGEMENT: In the meantime, here are my current coping mechanisms. I’ve relied rather heavily on hearing protection, which is very useful when used in moderation. Unfortunately, it can cause its own problems: it’s important not to overuse hearing protection, because in the long-term this can increase your sensitivity. So again: a useful tool, but be careful not to overdo it.
With that in mind, here are some of the coping strategies I’ve used over the last decade to manage my symptoms. This is not a perfect system and you should contact your local ENT clinic for better, long-term solutions, but in the meantime here are some tips I use to just get myself through the damn day:
Regularly spending time in a quiet controlled environment, to allow my nervous system to decompress.
Wearing earplugs, (I use two different grade, depending on the level of noise prevention I need), and always carrying an extra pair in case I need them unexpectedly. I bought a 50 pack for $7 and put spares in all my bags and jacket pockets.
(I mostly use Mack’s Ultra Soft, but there are so many types and materials and brands, including foam, silicone, wax, custom moldable etc. Even if you have trouble wearing things in your ears, you might be able to find something comfortable.)
Similarly: hearing protection earmuffs, the kind used in gun ranges and on construction sites. I bought mine online for $10. they look like normal wireless headphones, so I've never gotten comments when wearing mine in public (other than “cool heaphones” bc i added skull glitter stickers).
Sometimes I wear the earmuffs on top of earplugs, when life is just too damn LOUD.
Listening to music w/ earbuds or headphones is a great way to balance out background noises, especially if you can find soothing playlists that help you concentrate. Also useful to put in just one earbud when you need to pay attention in class/at work.
Pro tip: if your hair is long enough you can wear wireless earbuds without anyone knowing.
White noise, rain noises, ocean noises etc can be helpful! Some people like whale songs although personally this activates my primal fear response
Active noise cancelling headphones: the reason I wrote this post to begin with—I finally bought a pair! As in, a really good pair! As in, a depressingly expensive pair with noise cancelling technology that actually WORKS, holy shit. I probably need to wear them a little less at home (bc overprotection causes problems in the longterm) but they have absolutely transformed my ability to go out in public and i never ever want to take these suckers off again please take a power screwdriver and nail these to my head, bury me in the sweet sweet shroud of silence. holy canoli and cream puffs I want to marry form a civil partnership with these headphones. Plus they have a bunch of features, like being able to control the level of noise cancellation, so I can hold a conversation or be aware of some ambient noise for safety reasons.
Oh, and also they play music I guess?
Sorry sorry I promise this post wasn’t supposed to be me shilling for Big Electronics. I’m just excited, I’m an excited flabby little ball of expired flubber. ANC headphones aren’t a perfect solution, and I still sometimes wear earplugs underneath, and I will always be uncomfortable some of the time, but for me it’s been a big step.
Unfortunately the cost of good quality ANC technology means this isn’t an option for everyone, and the (much cheaper) gunshot protection earmuffs I mentioned earlier still provide an impressive amount of protection and bang-for-your buck (maybe even an equal amount of protection, if you can find ones that fit well). But if noise consistently prevents you from enjoying public space and life in general, and you’ve already tried earmuffs & earplugs and find they don’t offer enough comfort/convenience/protection, and if you’re in a position to save up for a one time non-necessity purchase of $150+, noise cancelling headphones are an option to be aware of. (Please always check the return policy so you can try before you buy. I ended up buying and returning 2 pairs before finding what worked best for me. And please look for a retailer that offers an extended warranty. You want those motherforkers to last).
There are cheaper options available, including some under $50. The ones I tried didn't work as well as my hearing protection earmuffs, but some people report good experiences, so that is something to consider. it's always good to know your options! Passive noise canceling is another affordable alternative.
Medication: A final tool in my toolbox, which for me personally has helped as much as every other method combined. Like, a lot, it’s helped a lot. It turns out some anti-anxiety medications can also help sensory issues. There’s not much research on this, and I only discovered it firsthand when a medication my doctor prescribed for anxiety ended up significantly helping my sensory issues. I no longer need medication for anxiety, but my psychiatrist still prescribes that same medication off-label for my sensory stuff. Ask your psychiatrist to research your options (they will probably have to do some digging to find relevant research, but you deserve to know all your options, even the obscure ones). Fyi, the medication I use is in the benzodiazepines class, but there are other options for those concerned about dependency or side effects.
(I'm also told anti-anxiety supplements may be helpful, though I haven't tried this yet. If you're on prescription meds, always talk to your doctor about contraindications before taking anything over-the-counter.)
So there you have it, my main coping strategies for sound sensitivity! They are not a replacement for medical treatment (except that last one which is in fact...medical treatment), but I find them helpful and I hope some of you will too! I’ve struggled for a long time, and I’m very pleased to have reached the point where I can just do things in public. Eating out in loud restaurants? I can do that now, and even enjoy it, holy shit! I can comfortably travel in cars for hours at a time, and walk around shopping malls and grocery stores with overhead music, and, and —and just exist. It is so so freeing, to feel like maybe, after everything, you are actually allowed to just exist in a world that wasn’t really designed for you.
Again, be careful not to overuse hearing protection—the goal is to allow you to be less uncomfortable and to function better, but if you find you are becoming more sensitive to noise, it is time to dial it back a notch. Or maybe consider listening to music (at a reasonable volume) to block out background noise instead.
*(This also includes people with hearing loss and related issues, btw. While that’s not my area of knowledge, I would welcome it if any of my HoH followers want to share their experiences.)
**A sign of sensory issues that parents often miss is when a child complains about music being too loud—but has no problem listening to their own music at high volume. This is because music that is already familiar to the listener (and that the listener enjoys) is much easier for the brain to process, since it knows what pattern of sounds to expect. Loud music that they get to control can be soothing for people with sound issues, especially when it blocks out background noise and sensations. This is why repetitively playing the same songs can be a helpful form of stimming.
***(working on this blog, actually. since it’s my only source of income, my 2020 income tax return literally lists my occupation as ‘Tumblr Blogger.’ Oddly, my parent didn’t feel this achievement was worth including in the holiday family newsletter.)
bonus fun fact: Charles Babbage aka “father of the computer” may have been autistic and hypersensitive to sound. He definitely had a huge problem with public noise pollution, and spent his later year waging a war on street musicians (and organ grinders in particular).
(bc like, yeah. screw organ grinders.)
Sometimes when I’m out in public and the overhead music is particularly unbearable, I’ll take a moment to look up to the sky and scream out: “HE TRIED TO WARN US! THE FATHER OF COMPUTERS TRIED TO WARN US!!! we should have listened, sweet heaven we should have listened!”
except i don’t scream it, i say it very quietly under my breath
(i have issues with noise)
so yeah that is my short essay. and here is the ko-fi goal
k ciao i gotta go pick out glitter stickers for my headphones
#actuallyautistic#not a shitpost#holy shit how did i spend 3 hours writing this what even is my blog#this blog is supposed to be blue whale anxiety and uncomfortably sexy clown jokes#what am i doing#sensory processing disorder#sensory issues#mental health#actually autistic#NOTIFY ME OF ANY TYPOS#i proofread this 5 times my eyes weep an unceasing flood of blood and regret#adhd#actuallyadhd#autism#sensory problems
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game on (m)
pairing: gamer!jeon wonwoo x fem!reader (soonyoung makes an appearance)
genre: smut (18+), established relationship, cock warming but make it soft, comfort sex, unprotected sex, swearing, implied auditory voyeurism if that is A Thing but it doesn’t have to be if you’re not into that.
wc: 2.1k
summary: it’s been a shitty day and all you want to do is be close to wonwoo.
a/n: i literally finished writing this last night and this morning i stumbled onto THIS. which i had COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT and i want you to know that is exactly how i pictured him and i’m in l*ve with him and i would give him my left arm if he ever needed it
"I can't fucking do this anymore."
You puff the hair out of your eyes as your bag clatters to the floor, your jacket aggressively thrown onto a chair even though you and Wonwoo had agreed to not let clothes linger around the house.
The love of your life is lounging on the sofa—clad in a simple t-shirt and shorts, a headset on top of his unkempt hair, and a PlayStation controller in his hand. There are a few empty cans of soda littered around the furniture, and a scented candle burning on the coffee table to his right.
"Wonwoo," you whine, a dramatic pout etched on your lips. You're irritated, to say the least, and it weighs down on your limbs as you shuffle closer to the sofa. With each step though, your annoyance miraculously fades, and the final remnants of any unease melt away when your lover reaches a hand out to you, beckoning you closer.
"Oh hey, sweet cheeks," he greets you, his eyebrows shooting up in pleasant surprise. "I didn't expect you home so early."
You know you should've given him a heads-up. "I took the afternoon off," you explain as you come up to straddle his lap, cupping both cheeks with your palms before planting a firm kiss on his lips. It crooks the glasses on top of his nose a little, but he doesn't seem to mind. You feel the corners of his mouth perk up, and you can't help but follow suit. Leaning back a little, you brush his choppy fringe out of his face, letting your hand rest at the nape of his neck. "I couldn't handle one more second of old men assuming they can do my job better than me."
"Dude, stop feeling up your girlfriend, I need cover," a voice comes over the mic, blaring straight into his headphones. Wonwoo clicks his tongue.
"If your point was to sound bitter about having to nut into your own fist every night, you succeeded," Wonwoo retorts before easily picking off an enemy right behind on-screen Soonyoung. You make yourself smaller, so he gets a full view of the tv. "You're welcome," he adds, and Soonyoung's laughter can be heard coming from the other side of the voice chat.
"Touché."
"You're so cool," you murmur against the skin of his collarbones, neatly settling further onto his lap. "And such a nerd. But like, the hot kind." At this, he barks out a laugh; the sound like music to your ears.
It takes a little squirming and trying to make yourself fit into his embrace without interrupting the game too much, and you sigh in content when you find the perfect position. Wonwoo's hips buck up on instinct as you move around, and he shoots you an apologetic smile when you brush your lips against his jaw in response.
"It was just…. A really shitty day, you know," you say in tiny, the words barely a whisper as you lazily rock against him. Wonwoo instantly picks up the hint, already hardening underneath you.
He pushes his mic up, muting it in one swift motion so Soonyoung doesn't overhear. “Do you want to fuck?”
You nuzzle into his neck, lazily nipping at the skin. “I just want to feel you, I think.”
Wonwoo manages a soft chuckle and presses a kiss to your forehead. "Give me a second to end the game."
"It's okay," you say, as his hand moves to unmute his mic. "You can continue playing if you want."
The look he gives you in response is almost comical. "I'll sit still, I promise." You give him a quick peck on the lips, and Wonwoo's reluctance dissolves in an instant.
Shifting uncomfortably, you take off your jeans as Wonwoo pulls down his shorts, cock visibly strained against his briefs now. He curtly speaks into his mic, taking note of something Soonyoung's character just did on-screen behind you.
A few seconds pass before you move, taking in all of Wonwoo before you first. He's always been handsome—his sharp features turning more than a few heads. He's bulked up since you first got together (which made him even sexier if that was possible), with his shoulders now broader and his arms toned to perfection, but your favourite part of him has always been his eyes. There's something inherently gentle about them; a warm brown colour that shines whenever he laughs, or darkens whenever he glances up at you from between your legs.
Something clenches in your chest when Wonwoo turns to meet your gaze, a smile on his lips. Something similar happens in your gut when he reaches out to touch you over your panties. The gesture isn't demanding or lustful, and you sigh into the feeling.
Wonwoo slips past your folds, two fingers checking if you're slick enough to take him without extra help. The corner of his mouth tugs into a smirk, but he swallows the words on the tip of his tongue, knowing they don't fit the mood you're after.
As soon as he fills you up, your form slacks against his chest. It's comforting in having him this close, being this intimate with the man that makes your heart burst in the best way possible. Your arms snake around his waist, your cheek now resting against his shoulder.
"Can you move forward just a tiny bit so I can koala-wrap myself around you?" you mumble against the fabric of his shirt, and there's a sharp intake of breath from him when he lifts his hips to comply, his cock moving inside you.
Soonyoung mistakes it for a disappointed reaction to his failed offence, and you can hear his voice through the headphones over Wonwoo's ears. Wonwoo is quick to reply, his low tone reverberating through his chest and vibrating against your cheek.
Another thing you love about him, that voice of his. You could listen to him talk for hours. Which you hope he does, and is the reason you told him to keep playing in the first place.
There's no sound but the dull clicking of Wonwoo's controller and machine-gun fire coming from his headphones for a while, and you can feel your body begin to relax—all the tension previously stored between your shoulder blades now slipping off you, like raindrops sliding down a window.
Wonwoo's a decent size; not too big to sting when he first fucks you, but big enough to always make you feel so full, so satisfied. It's something you're not afraid to reiterate every so often, which he appreciates in the right context (you once let it slip at movie night when you were beyond horny, and Wonwoo had to excuse himself ten minutes later because he had no idea your mouth could be so foul, and he didn't want his friends to see the obvious problem in his pants).
He lasts longer than you thought he would—too caught up in his game to notice how every little move he makes in reaction to whatever is unfolding on screen is starting to affect you. It's subtle, the way he moves inside you, but the thrusts are sharp and clean as he moves the controller to one side and back, his body jolting forward when Soonyoung fails to cover him and his screen flashes red. It isn't until you clench around him, that he stills.
As your fingers tangle into his hair at the base of his neck, you tilt your head, waiting for a quiet moment to lift his headphones just enough to tell him, "Okay, now I want to fuck."
To accentuate the words, you gently lift your hips, sinking back down just as slowly, only to repeat the action once more. Wonwoo groans in response, his hand gripping your waist to stop you, and you lean back to watch his face for any signs that he might not want this. You interpret his actions as rejecting your advances, but soon he's pushing up your t-shirt to grope at your breasts, and you moan when he thumbs over one of your sensitive nubs.
"I heard that," Soonyoung's voice comes over the headset, and you're already too worked up to care. Wonwoo smiles when you roll your hips, grinding onto his cock in slow motions. He licks his lips, gaze trained on yours as he drops the controller onto the floor.
"Goodbye, Soonyoung," he says into the mic before taking off the headset, not even bothering to mute it.
You half expect him to be rough. To pin you down on the sofa and rail you into oblivion. Instead, he kisses you. The kind of kiss that makes your head spin—slow and hot, his tongue lapping against yours languidly. There are little, sweet pecks in between. One on your nose, one on your cheek, one on your eyelids, and you giggle into the kiss when he pulls you back in for what seems the nth time. His cock is still buried inside of you, snug and warm, unmoving, until you buck your hips to meet his and he groans.
“Quit stalling, Jeon,” you sigh into his mouth. Your teeth graze along his lower lip before stopping at the corner of his mouth, kissing the edge of his smile. “If you don’t touch me this instant, I’m going to spontaneously combust.”
He glances between you, to where your bodies meet, and gently lifts his hips to move out of you. “I bet I could make you cum untouched right now,” he says, tentatively swiping a finger between your folds again. You quiver in his arms, already too sensitive from having him inside you for so long, and you hate how he’s probably right.
“Maybe so, but where’s the fun in that?”
“I get to use my dirty talk voice,” he offers, already lowering his tone to make a point. “Tell you all the things I would do if I were to touch you.” You clench around nothing, suddenly feeling too empty to your liking. “You can blow me after.”
Every nerve in your body is on edge, skin crawling in anticipation, and you desperately want to say no. But Wonwoo’s eyes are sparkling as he hovers over you, and god, he’s so fucking hot. At this point, you are positively soaked, pussy throbbing and aching for his touch, anything he’d be willing to offer, and he’s still smiling at you.
“Fuck me now and I’ll still blow you after.”
Wonwoo pouts, but instinctively lowers himself to kiss you when you hook your ankles behind his back, pulling him closer to you again. When he pushes back in, you’re scared you won’t last long. You tell him as much, and he shakes his head in feigned disbelief. “Quelle surprise,” he mocks, and he jerks his pelvis forward, easily bottoming out before pulling back out, repeating to build up a steady rhythm. It’s agonisingly slow, his cock curving just the right way to hit the spot over and over again, and your breath hitches with every thrust. “Want me to go faster?” he asks, tongue lapping at the abused skin right below your collarbone, where his mouth just successfully marked you as his. You shake your head no, unable to speak.
As tension builds in your abdomen, your eyes fall shut, your eyebrows knit together, and your lips shape into a silent O. Wonwoo feels his heart rate increase when your breath starts to shudder with every exhale. He can tell you’re trying to hold back your moans and he really wishes you wouldn't. “Use your words, baby,” he says, his voice cracking as he pushes into you again. “Tell me what you want.”
“I want- hnnng, fuck,” you manage, right when his thumb presses down on your clit, and your back arches off the sofa. “Keep going. I’mhhmmmmm- almost there.”
A few more trusts have you toppling over the edge, your orgasm washing over you like a tsunami. Wonwoo presses his lips to yours, swallowing the moans that finally push their way out of your throat. Your thighs shake as he ploughs into you a few more times, finally picking up speed to chase his own climax.
It's not long until Wonwoo half collapses on top of you, chest to chest, and he chuckles as both of you struggle to catch your breath.
"Still want me to suck you off?" you ask, half in jest, but you did promise.
He pushes a stray lock of hair from your sweaty forehead, his hand stopping to rest against your cheek. "Maybe later." You beam at him and suddenly the room falls quiet, now that your breathing has levelled out. There's a faint rattle of gunfire coming from behind the sofa, and you exchange glances as something dawns on you both.
"Did you mute your—"
“Oh shit, Soonyoung—“
#caratwritersclub#jeon wonwoo#wonwoo smut#wonwoo fanfic#wonwoo scenario#seventeen wonwoo#seventeen smut#seventeen fanfic#seventeen scenario#wonwoo x reader#i had to get this one out of my system thanks#the more i read it the more i doubt it so i'm just going to. PRESS POST.
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PURE [2] - Corpse Husband x Fem! Reader
Pairing: Corpse Husband x Fem!Reader
A/N: 443 notes?! THIS IS INSANE! Thank you guys so much for all the love under the first part of this, I was so shocked to see how many people enjoyed this story! I hope this one will be just as fun for you as the first one ^^
part 1
part 3
part 4
part 5
PURE [2]
Corpse stared at the red screen with the word IMPOSTOR written in the middle, his eyes widened, a small smile tugging at his lips.
“No way” he murmured into his microphone, no longer holding himself from breaking into laughter. “Do you guys see this? I wish I could see Y/N’s reaction.”
It took his audience just a second to respond, his chat being flooded with lots of comments about the said girl.
“SHES SHOOK” he managed to read one from the hundreds of comments, once again bursting into laughter. “Yeah, I can imagine.”
He decided to follow Lily for a while to make himself less suspicious. He probably didn’t need to do that this time, since the others usually suspected him when he was innocent. Ironically, each time he was the impostor, they seemed completely blind to every murder he committed.
They were both doing their tasks in O2 when the first body was reported.
“Woah, Y/N is fast” he mumbled, before unmuting himself.
“Okay,” Lily began speaking first “Corpse is 100% innocent, we were together this whole round, doing our tasks in O2. That’s all I have.”
“Yeah I saw you guys in there,” Felix said. “Where’s the body Sykkuno?”
“Um, so first of all I can also vouch for Dave and Y/N, we were hanging out all this time. So in the beginning, we were all in the upper engine, protecting each other like good friends that we are, and then we headed towards the medbay. And that’s where it gets interesting because I’m pretty sure I saw Poki leave medbay and run to the cafeteria.”
“You really think I would kill my best friend in the first round?”
“Yeah well, some people do” Sean scoffed, clearly referring to the last game when he was murdered by Felix. “Besides, I saw you guys when I was leaving Security so it looks like you were with her the entire round.”
“Wha- Okay, let me defend myself. I would never kill her if I was the impostor, which I’m not because she’d literally come barging into my room to murder me. She’d kill me for killing her first.”
Toast, who seemingly still held grudge against Corpse’s fellow impostor, decided to call Y/N out “Y’know, we all played with Rae before, so we all know how furious she gets after being killed first... but there’s one person who doesn’t know that.”
“Y/N/N?” Sean’s voice blared through their headphones “As much as I know how hard it would be for her to make the first kill, I can actually see that happening.”
“What?! Sykkuno vouched for me literally seconds ago, where the heck did you get that from Toast?” she asked in utter shock. Corpse glanced at his chat and leaned towards his mic, making sure that he was muted in the game.
“Y’know guys, if I didn’t know she’s the impostor, I’d believe in her every word. I mean, she’s so innocent, just listen to her.” he said with a smile, not expecting in the slightest how his audience will react.
“Aww, he goes soft for her ^^”
“The duo we need but don’t deserve”
“Y/N FOR THE BRIDE”
“What?” he almost stuttered, quickly going through the growing number of such comments. “I mean-”
“Ooh, someone’s getting angry. Where the heck? That’s aggressive, Y/N” Felix’s amused voice brought him back to reality, and even though Corpse didn’t use a webcam, he still tried to hide his pink-tinted cheeks in the material of his hoodie.
“It was not me! I swear! I was doing my tasks all this time, making sure that no one murders Sykkuno or Dave!”
“You’re pretty defensive for someone who claims to be innocent,” Toast said with a smirk hiding in his voice.
“Give her a break guys, she was literally with us all this time. I’m sure we would’ve noticed if she killed somebody” Dave stood up for her, but it seemed like all the attention was directed from Poki to Y/N.
“Well maybe the other impostor is either you or Sykkuno and you’re just trying to clear each other?”
“Um, if there were two impostors among the three of us, the third person would have to be a crewmate. I mean, it would be impossible for them to kill somebody without a crewmate seeing it.” Sykkuno pointed out, much to Corpses’ relief.
“I knew Sykkuno would vouch for her” he told his chat, before unmuting himself to defend Y/N as well “Haven’t we already established that Poki is sus as well? She was last seen near the body and has no alibi.”
“I didn’t do it. The only person that could vouch for me is dead, we were with each other the entire round. I leave her for a few seconds and somebody kills her, but it wasn’t me.”
“I don’t think she’s lying guys, I mean, if she killed Rae she’d probably be dead already” Felix chuckled “Let’s just skip this round, we don’t have enough evidence.”
“Alright, but Y/N,” Toast said, as everyone pressed the skip button “I have my eyes on you.”
Corpse could hear her sigh before everyone muted their mics.
“We’ve gotta get rid of Toast guys, he’s too suspicious. I don’t want him accusing my partner in crime, even though he’s right” he chuckled under his breath, following Toast’s character into Admin. “Alright, Felix is with us as well, good. If I just pretend I’m doing card swipe, they’re gonna both vouch for me since everyone knows I’m great at this task.” he shook his head with a deep laugh escaping his throat.
He could see the other two astronauts running around admin, before they both decided to leave, which gave Corpse a perfect opportunity to frame Toast. He killed the lights and chased his victim who, much to his joy, was now completely alone in comms.
“Hi, Felix. Bye, Felix.” Corpse snapped his neck before speeding out of the room and venting into Navigation.
That’s when someone fixed the lights. And Corpse jumped out of the vent, only to come face to face with none other than Toast.
“SHIT” he laughed in panic, seeing that he couldn’t use the kill function yet. “Shit, he must’ve seen me.”
And indeed, it took Toast just a split of second to run out of the room and speed towards the emergency button, Corpse hot on his tail, even though he knew he wouldn’t avoid getting ejected.
“I’m busted guys, there’s no way they’re gonna believe me” he told his audience, watching as Toast’s character approached the button. However, Corpse wasn’t sure if he was just seeing things, but he thought that he saw an outline of another character appear out of nowhere just mere seconds before Toast called the meeting...
“YES” he almost screamed, at the same time laughing hysterically, when he saw the red cross decorating Toast’s name.
“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!” Sean yelled, similarly to every other player that remained alive. “HOW DID THAT HAPPENED?!”
“Oh my God.”
“But- I don’t get it. What just happened?” Y/N’s soft voice sounded out, making Corpse laugh even more.
“Someone killed Toast the moment he called the meeting.” Sykkuno explained, barely holding himself from laughing.
“Is that even possible?” she asked confused, her voice sounding so innocent and sweet that the other impostor couldn’t stop himself from grinning.
“Oh my god, she’s just- I can’t.” he chuckled deeply “She’s too precious guys, I swear I’m gonna do everything to keep her alive.”
“Yeah, that’s some big brain move. And since Toast is dead, there’s only one person with balls who could do it” Sean said, clearly very sure of his next words.
“CORPSE!” Lily chirped into her microphone, her voice soon being followed by others who eagerly agreed with her.
“Okay, I admit I saw them in admin where I was doing the card swipe, but then they both left and I haven’t seen them anymore.”
“Were you in admin this whole time?” Poki asked.
“Um- yeah, pretty much. I tried to beat my own record in failing a card swipe.” he replied, making everyone laugh. He thought of it as a good cover, unless someone entered the admin after he left...
“Sykkuno where are you?” Poki directed her next question to the lime astronaut.
“Why am I accused again?” he asked confused “I was with Sean in medbay, I think Y/N joined us for a moment to do the scan, then she left, and then Toast called the meeting.”
“So maybe it’s her?” Dave commented “I mean, medbay is right next to the cafeteria, so she had quite an easy access to the emergency button.”
“Yeah, that would actually make sense” Lily added.
“Oh no, they’re gonna vote her off...” Corpse mumbled under his breath, deciding that he had to intervene. She just saved his ass, he couldn’t possibly just watch her get ejected because of that.
“Guys, I didn’t even know it was possible to kill someone this way. Trust me, I played only a few times and Jack made sure not to reveal any of his big brain moves.” she scoffed at the last part, making Jack let out a loud laugh.
“How can we be sure you’re not just acting all innocent? I mean, you exposed Felix last game, being one of the last people to stay alive.”
“Y/N was with me when Toast called the meeting, she is innocent” Corpse decided to finally speak up. The silence settled among other players. “She found me in admin and made sure nobody killed me when I failed the fucking card swipe.”
“Why are you saying this just now, Corpse?”
“Cause he’s fallen for her god damn trap! I told you!” Sean argued.
“What trap?” Y/N asked confused.
“I mean, who wouldn’t? It’s like listening to an angel” Corpse said, before he could stop himself. Everyone on the call went wild, just like his chat did... He didn’t know why he said that, it just slipped before he really thought about it.
“Corpse, you do realize you’re simping only makes you even more suspicious?” Poki asked with a laugh, and Corpse felt the blush rising up his cheeks. Even more, when Y/N completely ignored this comment, deciding to suddenly stay quiet...
Did he make her uncomfortable with such comments?
“Seriously though, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t her. We watched each other’s back, so I’m also clean.”
“As much as I hate to do it, I have to agree with Corpse on this one” Sean suddenly said. “That she’s innocent, I mean. I’m sure Corpse just follows her around like a lost puppy and I didn’t see the two of them, but I doubt Y/N knew it’s possible to kill somebody like that. No offense kiddo.”
“See? Guys, it wasn’t me!” she exclaimed.
“Wait, why do you hate to agree with me?” Corpse asked in confusion.
“CAUSE YOU’RE KINDA SUS CORPSE”
“What? I just told you my alibi, weren’t you listening Jack?”
“We have twenty seconds left” Lily reminded, cause everyone seemed to forget about the voting time. “We don’t skip at 7, right?”
“Alright, I’m voting Corpse, I still think he’s sus even though I agreed with him.” Sean announced, much to Y/N’s dismay. She quickly objected, trying to defend her fellow impostor:
“It’s NOT him, I watched him fail that dang card swipe!”
“DANG?! NO NEED TO BE SO OFFENSIVE YOUNG LADY”
“I’m also voting Corpse, he must be one of them.” Lily agreed with Jack.
“Sykkuno, I hope you’re not doing what I think you’re doing” Y/N asked the lime astronaut, who was silent for the past few minutes.
“I um- I don’t know, they kinda have a point Y/N...”
“Sykkuno, listen to me.” she lowered her voice, trying to convince him “Corpse is not the impostor. You know you can trust me, right?”
“...”
“SYKKUNO GOD DAMN IT, DON’T LISTEN TO HER!”
“Sorry guys...”
Corpse burst out laughing, seeing that out of seven remaining players, five of them decided to skip.
“She’s too good” he chuckled, quickly running up Y/N’s character when they started the next round. He circled her white astronaut, and she seemed to get his message because she eagerly followed him into Electrical to fake the tasks and wait for someone to show up.
Soon enough two figures waltzed into the room, only to be simultaneously decapitated by the two impostors, who then swiftly vented into medbay and locked the door to their crime scene.
“That was smooth” Corpse smiled, happily running around Y/N’s character. “I love being impostors with Y/N, it’s so much fun. The best thing is that no one besides Toast really suspects her of doing something wrong.”
Corpse figured Y/N sabotaged the oxygen because the next thing he saw was Lily running past medbay to stop it from depleting.
“Ladies first, Y/N” he mumbled, and even though she couldn’t hear him, her small character sped up and left the medbay, chasing after Lily. He waited a few seconds, before bursting out laughing.
Victory.
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Sean yelled in shock “Y/N?! EXPLAIN YOURSELF RIGHT NOW”
“Y/N HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!”
“That was... I would never guess it was you!”
“I’m sorry guys, I really didn’t want to kill any of you” she laughed apologetically, but Corpse could sense she was smiling “I just had no other choice...”
“Yeah, I’m sure you killed us by accident” Toast’s voice blared out, followed by loud laughter.
“What was that again? I didn’t even know you could kill someone this way?” Felix mocked in a high pitched voice, making them laugh hysterically. Corpse also found himself unable to catch a breath between his giggles.
“I told you guys they’d fuck us up.” Rae spoke up “But I was actually glad Y/N killed me first, watching her kill Toast was so much fun.”
“Ha ha, thanks, Rae!” Toast exclaimed ironically.
“Y/N and Corpse are just complete serial killers, I don’t know how else to comment that” Felix chuckled.
“Well...” Corpse mumbled, unmuting his microphone “I can’t disagree. She’s a perfect partner in crime.”
“NOT AGAIN WITH SIMPING CORPSE” he heard Sean’s response, and once again felt awkward when his all his friends laughed at him, and Y/N remained quiet.
That was, however, until her soft voice effectively quietened everyone.
“It was.. an honor to murder my friends with you.”
Corpse never thought his face could hurt from smiling so much...
“Alright, who’s up for another game?” Felix asked after a few moments, and received a chorus of me’s from almost everyone.
“Unfortunately I have to go now, but it was so fun playing with you guys!” Y/N said, making everyone (Corpse included) object rather loudly:
“One more round, please? I want to see you kill someone again!”
“C’mon kid, what else do you have to do?”
“Stay with us Y/N, I need someone to protect me!”
“I’m sorry but I’m really tired. I’m sure I’d just fall asleep on my desk and Toast would come up behind my back to murder me.”
“Well, that was actually my plan...” the man in question replied with a chuckle.
“You sure you don’t wanna stay?” Corpse finally asked “Killing won’t be the same without you...”
“I know, and I’m sorry... But I was working the whole day and my eyes just hurt and I feel like I’m gonna faint” she replied.
“Alright, but just so you know, we’re playing again later this week, and I better see you entering the lobby on time” Felix said, trying to sound threatening, but failing at it. Y/N giggled to herself, the sound making Corpse smile almost unknowingly.
“I wouldn’t dare to miss a chance to murder my new friends!”
“Oh my god, she’s too adorable!”
Everyone said their goodbyes and soon Y/N left the call, her small astronaut disappearing from the lobby, much to Corpse’s disappointment. He wished she’d stay a little longer, playing with her was something he found incredibly fun and quite relaxing if he was completely honest. Or maybe aside from playing itself, listening to her voice was what kept bringing a smile to his face every time she spoke up.
“Guys, I think I’m also gonna call it a day, it was really fun.”
“What? It’s not even been over an hour!” Rae protested.
“Yeah, I um.. I know but-”
“Don’t push him guys, he can’t play without his partner in crime” Toast’s teasing voice made everyone burst out laughing, and Corpse just shook his head, glad that nobody could see how red his face became.
“Fuck you guys, okay?” he chuckled into the mic, before finally saying his goodbyes and leaving as well. He thanked his viewers for watching and promised to stay longer next time, before closing the discord.
He sat for a moment in his chair, staring at the black screen, a smile slowly widening on his lips. It was one of the best games he had ever played in Among Us, and he couldn’t wait to be Impostor with Y/N again.
“Perfect partner in crime... I’m such an idiot” he mumbled under his breath and felt himself blush, shaking his head at how awkward that must’ve sounded. He pulled his phone out and checked his Twitter, only for his eyes to widen once he saw the top trending hashtags.
#Y/NxCorpse
#Y/NfortheBride
#PerfectPartnerInCrime
“Oh my God...” Corpse yelped, covering his eyes with his hand as if it would make all those tweets disappear. “Why am I the way I am?”
He considered texting her, trying to maybe make things less awkward than they already were, but decided against it. He feared he’d make even more of an idiot out of himself...
Convinced that all those comments about simping and now those hashtags made her uncomfortable, it didn’t even cross his mind that Y/N might be looking at them at the exact same moment, with adorable blush tinting her cheeks, and her lips turning into a small, shy smile...
A/N: I think about writing 3rd part...
#corpse husband#corpse x reader#fanfiction#corpse husband x reader#corpse husband imagine#youtubers x reader#corpse husband imagines
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Roommates – Part Four
Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader
Words: 2,385
Warning: Smut
Note: This plays in 2020. Please interact. Your interactions and comments mean a lot to me.
Just as you were in the middle of your morning routine following a night filled with erotic dreams about your roommate, you heard a loud knock on the door.
You quickly turned off your vibrator and chucked it into your bedside draw before pulling up your panties and singlet and walking into the hallway.
When you opened the door, you were surprised to see James. His face was flushed and he looked like he had been crying.
‘You don’t fucking answer my messages and calls anymore’ he said and it quickly became clear to you that he must have been drinking all night when you smelled his breath from the distance.
‘You shouldn’t be here James, please leave’ you said firmly, knowing that his visit wasn’t permitted under the current lockdown restrictions.
‘Just hear me out Y/N, please’ he begged once again after he had been trying to get back together with you for the past four months and, whilst you initially maintained contact with him, you no longer responded to his messages and ignored his calls for the past two weeks.
‘There is nothing more to discuss James. I am through with you’ you said before you tried to shut the door on him but, just as you did, his foot caught in the doorway and he pushed his way into the hallway.
‘James, honestly, get the fuck out. You cheated, more than once, and I am done with you’ you huffed out and thought that, clearly, he would have received the 2,000 Euro engagement ring he had bought you in the mail by now.
‘You can’t just throw away what we had Y/N’ he went on to say and, just as he did, Cillian returned from his morning run.
‘Get out of my house James or I will call the Gardaí’ Cillian said calmly as he noticed that you were distressed.
‘Alright Murphy, go ahead, call the fucking cops’ James huffed out angrily and, before you knew it, James pushed you with your back against the wall in frustration.
‘Y/N, please fucking listen to me. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen’ he pleaded again with a whiny voice but his grip on you was becoming rather aggressive.
‘James, stop, you are hurting me’ you shouted out and, just as you tried to push him off, Cillian grabbed James by the back of his t-shirt and pulled him out of the house.
‘That’s enough James, fuck off and leave her alone’ Cillian said harshly and, when these words left his lips, James turned around suddenly and hit Cillian across the face with his right fist.
‘Jesus James’ you panicked as you quickly walked over towards Cillian and him but, when James realised what he did, he was quick to run off.
‘Fuck, Cilly, are you alright?’ you asked as you watched him hold on to his face.
‘I am fine’ Cillian chuckled before acknowledging that his face would likely be swollen before Lindsay would arrive in the evening.
‘I am sure she won’t mind Cilly’ you said before giving him a hug and thanking him for defending you and making James leave.
‘Y/N, I stink, you probably shouldn’t…’ Cillian said but you didn’t care and hugged him anyway, pressing your half naked body against his.
Ironically and almost surprisingly, you actually didn’t mind the scent of his sweat covered body. You could still smell the deodorant and aftershave on his skin and the hint of mint from the toothpaste he used that morning on his lips.
‘Let’s get some ice on this, hmm’ you then said before forcing him to sit down at the kitchen table while you prepared an ice pack for him.
After you wrapped the sachet of ice into a thin cloth, you gently pressed it against Cillian’s cheek which, already, had turned red.
The skin on his face felt soft and slightly moist and his deep blue eyes gazed into yours for a brief moment while his lips smiled at you.
His smile was warm and beautiful and you couldn’t help but pay attention to the large freckle on his upper lip.
‘So, uhm, I…uhm…I think I might go and get dressed’ you eventually huffed out after you had gotten lost in his eyes for a short moment.
Cillian nodded in response and, just as you walked away from him, an unfamiliar feeling washed over his body.
It was a feeling he couldn’t explain and it was almost unique in a way. In addition to his arousal which, by this point, had also formed in between his legs again, he felt shivers run over his spine and down into his stomach. These shivers felt almost like flutters and made him feel uncomfortably warm.
***
It was 5 o’clock and Cillian was out, walking his dog and getting some Aspirin from the nearby pharmacy following his incident with James and you decided to have a bath before the said storm was scheduled to come in later that evening.
Despite, you really needed to get your mind of the fact that Cillian was about to shag Lindsay which, in the past, hadn’t bothered you but, more recently it did. In addition, your friend Laura continued to nag you about updates on Cillian’s life, telling you that she was still very much in love with him and asking for your help to turn things around between them.
The sky had already darkened and you decided to gather all of the scented candles Cillian had in the house and carry them to the bathroom. You arranged them all around and poured yourself a glass of red wine before settling in the hot tub which was facing the backyard through a one-sided window, meaning that no one could see inside.
With Cillian being out, you didn’t bother closing the bathroom door and allowed the heat from the fireplace in the living room to radiate throughout the house.
Just as you sat in the half full tub and watched as the steaming water began to fill it completely, you reached for your phone and ipods to listen to something relaxing.
When, finally, the tub was filled completely, you lowered yourself into it allowing the bubbles to overtake your body. Your knees were slightly bent as you laid back and your breasts were floating on the surface just barely exposed to the air above the water. Your hair was floating and the bubbles were popping all around your head while you listened to an audiobook narrated by Cillian.
His voice was always something you enjoyed listening to, now more than ever and you closed your eyes to take in this moment of solace.
But, just as you did, Cillian’s face appeared beneath your eyelids and your heart instantly skipped a beat. You wanted to feel his strong hands on every inch of your wet body and, with those thoughts in mind, your hand began to caress your ass cheek while thinking about him. With each stroke you moved a little further up your thigh and back down the back of your ass. Your pussy lips were throbbing and wet from more than just the warm water, begging to be touched.
You were in a trance, listening to Cillian’s voice through your headphones as you slowly began to pleasure yourself and, with your mind being so far gone, you didn’t even realise that Cillian had returned home from his walk early as it was pouring with rain outside.
‘Y/N?’ he shouted through the house as you were nowhere to be found until, eventually, he realised that you may be in the bathroom.
With the bathroom door open, he looked inside only to find you with your eyes closed, facing the opposite direction towards the large one-sided window.
‘Y/N, shit, I am sorry’ he huffed out and, as you continued to run your hand up and down your naked body, he realised that you had your headphones in and didn’t hear him.
Cillian turned around quickly and you released a gentle moan that softly echoed in the bathroom. In your mind, you wanted him more with each touch of your hand but, of course, he didn’t know that.
When Cillian heard your moan, his manhood immediately went on alert and whilst he knew it was wrong, he couldn’t help himself but turn back around and watch you.
Unbeknownst to you, Cillian watched you as one of your hands was massaging your breast while the other slowly spread your legs exposing more of your pussy to the warmth of the water. It crashed against your lips like waves in the ocean and they were pulsating, begging for more.
‘Jesus, look away, fuck’ he said to himself quietly inside his mind as he stood there motionless and with a raging erection. He wanted to strip down naked right there and join you and it took all of his willpower not to do exactly that.
‘Hmm’ you moaned again as you listened to Cillian’s voice through your headphones and took your fingertips and tightly squeezed your clit. You could feel your juices being released and your legs spread wide as your hand pressed and caressed your mound.
‘Fuck’ Cillian’s mind said again, urging him to walk away and, just as he had built up enough strength and turned around, he heard you again.
‘Cillian’ you huffed out but with your eyes still tightly closed and feeling each sensation you were creating as you indulged on the sound of his voice.
Cillian immediately turned around in a panic, thinking that you had caught him watching you. Why else would you have said his name, he wondered.
To his surprise, when he turned around in a panic, you still had your eyes closed and continued to pleasure yourself. Your hand was working over your mound from top to back and teasing both of your holes now and, with Cillian watching, you continued to touch and tease yourself, caressing the inside of your thighs.
Perhaps he was imagining you calling out his name he thought. You couldn’t possibly have said his name while you were masturbating. Clearly, his mind was playing tricks on him and he was sure about it.
Then, the unimaginable happened. You stood up inside the tub in all of your naked glory. Bubbles were running down your body and the smell of vanilla was in the air as you climbed out of the bathtub.
Cillian was quick to disappear into the hallway and thought that, perhaps, he should have closed the bathroom door. But then, he heard his name leaving your lips again and, just as he went back to see whether you were, in fact calling for him, he watched you lean against the vanity with your headphone still inside your ears and your fingers running over your outer walls of your pussy before teasing your clit with a soft abrasive touch.
In a trance and consumed by pleasure, you dropped your towel to the floor and squeezed your clit between your fingertips as you stood there with your eyes shut. The candle lights still danced in the room, bouncing off the water drops still on your soft skin.
All of your tattoos were on full display and so were your piercings, including the one on your clit which Cillian became rather curious about.
He could not take this any longer and watched you desperately as your body cried out and you responded by slowly inserting your index finger into your cavity and sliding it back out. You did this a few times until she pushed it in deep and held it there, massaging your inner walls. Then you added a second finger into your hot pussy pushing some of your juices out onto your hand.
Cillian swallowed harshly when, eventually, you removed your fingers from your hole and placed them one by one into your mouth, sucking them clean.
‘Jesus fucking christ’ he thought and, despite the fact that he knew that Lindsay would be visiting him in the next hour or so, he turned around and made a quick run to his bedroom.
Seeing you like this was too much for him and, without giving it a second thought, he unzipped his jeans and pushed them down half way in order to release his raging erection.
Leaning against the dresser in the bedroom, he began to stroke his hard shaft vigorously, thinking about what you did in the bathroom at the same time as he was seeking relief.
Just as Cillian was stroking his cock hard and fast while thinking about you, you thrusted your fingers in and out of your pussy while thinking of him. Eventually, you began to pound your pussy, slapping your clit with each thrust. Faster and harder bringing yourself to an orgasm.
Just as you came, your moans filled the entire house, thinking that you were on your own.
‘Oh god, yes Cillian’ you groaned and there was no mistaking it. It was his name he heard when you came and this alone sent him over the edge, causing him to cum hard onto the pile of dirty clothes besides the dresser.
Just as he stroked the last few drops of cum from his shaft, he heard the doorbell ring.
Quickly, he grabbed one of the t-shirts from the pile of clothes and cleaned himself up before walking downstairs and opening the front door.
‘Hey Sweetie’ Lindsay said, carrying two shopping bags.
‘You are early’ Cillian said before giving her a brief kiss.
‘I wanted to surprise you and thought I would cook for you. For Y/N too, of course. At least this way, you can finally introduce us properly and I don’t feel like your beck in call’ Lindsay explained.
‘Sounds great’ Cillian said somewhat flustered just as you walked through the hallway almost completely naked.
‘Oh my god, you are home…fuck’ you shouted, covering your breasts with a towel and Cillian couldn’t help but sigh.
He thought about you, calling out his name as you masturbated and now he was in his hallway with Lindsay who clearly wanted to mark her territory.
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HQ Boys Calling Their S/O Clingy Pt. 1
Character(s) included: Iwaizumi and Ushijima
Warnings: slight cursing
A/N: so imma try to make this look really pretty and shit. But if you want a pt 2 just put it in my ask box + what characters you want next! So I don’t know what to call this format thingy but anything with the line next to it (like now) is what happened the day before (when they called their s/o clingy) and everything not in that day won’t be! I also just ate like five airhead lmao. Well enjoy! Reblogs & follows are greatly appreciated! My ask box is always open to request, and if you wanna talk or just wanna say something! Please don’t laugh at my grammatical or spelling errors, I’m sorry!
My Masters List: here
My series : here
Credit: @/teesumu
Iwaizumi
When he came home all you wanted to do was hug him. It had been almost a week since he had gotten his new job. He was stressed all the time and never had time for you two alone. So what if you want just hug him for a bit.. you deserve that much right just that much of his time? So he walked in, and your eyes lit up... he was one of the few people you felt safe around. You ran up to him with a big smile and that goofy lovable personality of yours.
“Dinner is ready and then we can cuddle and maybe watch a movie. I have it all planned out!” You smile laughing a bit just imagining how fun it will be. He doesn’t look so amused though.
“I ate already and I am going to bed, y/n.” He didn’t even give you a second to process what he had said instead he just walked away. You follow him to the room you share smiling.
“Oh okay! We can just cuddle then!” You smile a bit and hop onto the bed next to him. Wrapping your arms tightly around him, not too tight, just perfect, you smile. Till you are shoved off. He looked at you with pure annoyance.
“Y/n, can you stop being so fucking clingy. You never stop trying to touch me,” He screamed and you just sat there with tears. God damnit. He was right, wasn’t he? You never gave him space. He turned his back and you turned away too. The tears silently fell.
The morning came faster than it should have. By the time he was awake you were out of the room. He got up and walked out and entered the kitchen.
“Morning y/n, I have the day off so we can do anything you want,” he smiled as he walked in, yet you weren’t there. He searched the whole house and you weren’t there. An hour passed and you walked in.
“Uh hey y/n.. where’d you go? I mean like you weren’t there when I woke up, love?” He smiled and you just gave a soft smile.
“Oh.. um I just went for a random drive for some coffee and drove nowhere for like twenty minutes,” you lied. You love doing that but to be honest you were talking to Oikawa for a bit and ranting to him.
“Oh um.. I have the day off if you just wanna hang out? Maybe go for dinner or something?” He smiles hopefully.
“Uh sure..” you sat far from him on the couch as the movie started. He looked at you and you tried not to pay attention.
“Uh do you need something?” You turn towards him.
“Oh um.. no, never mind,” he looks back at the tv confused. He wanted to cuddle yet was too embarrassed to say so.
Thirty minutes passed by and you were quite distant. “Um do you wanna cuddle or something..?” He smiles hopefully.
“I’m good thanks for asking,” you remain glaring at the tv.
“Um y/n is everything okay.. you’ve been really distant and I know you went to Oikawa’s place yet you told me otherwise..” he looks at you.
You freeze looking at him again, you look like a deer in headlights. Frozen and shocked. You say the first thing that comes to mind which is extremely dumb. “Uh I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You helplessly smile.
He looks at you, shocked. You were a terrible liar yet you still tried to, “why are you lying? I know you were there just tell me.”
“Last night I was thinking that you are right. I am too clingy and I need to give you some space,” you keep your on him “This morning you weren’t up and I just felt like talking so I decided to head out and not bug you.” Your voice breaks as tears roll down your cheeks. Wiping them away quickly hoping he doesn’t notice but it is already too late.
“Y/n... I didn’t mean it,” he feels like absolute shit right now and he doesn’t know what to do. “I..I like how you cling to me and how you just act like yourself. I..I love the sound of your voice so you can always talk to me. I didn’t mean for me to come off so rude to you and hurt you... you mean everything to me. I am so sorry y/n for making you so fucking uncomfortable. This is your house too and I shouldn’t do that to you...” he whispers holding your hands in his as he pulls you closer. Lifting you to his lap.
You try to climb off but his grip just gets tighter in a protective way.
“I’m sorry y/n... I didn’t mean any of that. I will make more room for us to hang out...” He smiles a bit wrapping his arms around your waist. “I love you so much..”
“I..I love you too,” you make out in between heavy deep breaths
Ushijima
You tried to call him multiple times, it was extremely late and you were worried. He normally would text you if he was going to practice a bit longer or he was going to head to dinner with his team. Knowing how worried you get and not wanting you to make him a whole meal when he is full. Yet he never picked up it was probably twelve thirty when he walked in.
He tried to walk in silently but soon found you awake in bed. You smile a bit getting up and giving him a hug. “Hey baby..” you mumble with your sleepy voice “where were you? I was worried sick,” you didn’t sound mad, just concerned. 
He slightly shoved you off making his way to his dresser to change. “Out.” He grumbled a bit.
“Are you hungry? I made dinner..” you smile slightly making your way closer to him.
“Can you just leave me alone? I don’t need you to be so god damn clingy! You’re not my mom and I am a grown ass adult. I don’t need you to stay up wondering where I was!” He took a deep breath calming down. You slowly backed down and just laid at your side of the bed closing your eyes. Slightly thinking about all the “problems” you have.
Morning came and when Ushijima woke up he was later than usual needing to rush a couple of things. You were on the couch, as he came in he looked for something to eat. “Y/n, do you know if there is anything I can eat?” He called out.
“I don’t know you can look, can’t you?” You look up from your computer for a split second before returning to gaze at your computer.
“Uh.. ya. Well bye!” He grabbed a banana and grabbed his stuff. Rushing out the door unsure what had possibly made you so harsh that morning. Forgetting everything he had said the night before.
When he came home it was early and you were already eating while using your phone. “I’m home!” He called.
You just smiled and returned eating. Your eyes locked on back onto your phone. Typing for a second.
“Who are you texting babe?” He smiled as he walked in.
“No one” you put your phone down. The sound of a text came up but you just ignored it walking to put your dishes away and then grabbing your phone to go back to your room.
“Uh.. y/n? You wanna hang out for a bit?” You turn and just shake your head.
“No I’m good thanks though.” You mumble before walking away. Him following close after.
“Are you okay..?” He mumbles as he joins you in bed.
“Ya. I’m fine,” you mumble as you plot your headphones in listening to some music.
He taps your shoulder and you take out one of your earbuds. “What’s going on.. what did I do?” He mumbled.
“I mean I am not your mother so I don’t understand why you need me to hang out with you and be your best friend. I mean I am just too clingy aren’t I?” You burst out.
“What?” He looks at you for a moment remembering the night before. “Wait y/n.. I didn’t me-”
“I don’t care if you didn’t mean it! You made me feel like absolute shit!” You look at him before getting up and heading to the spare room. “You can leave and go out. I don’t give a fuck just leave me alone for a bit.”
He goes to check on you two hours later. When he walks in he finds you crying. “Y/n, can we talk?” He whispered softly in his calming voice.
You look up wiping your tears. “I guess.”
“May I sit on the bed or would you like some space..?” He really didn’t want to make you feel worse then you probably already did.
“I don’t care do what you want,” it wasn’t like you to be so snappy. But you just wanted to get it out of your system. He sat down next to you and slowly reached out his arms. You slowly entered his embrace as he held you tight whispering sweet nothingness into your ear. His words are full of praise and truth.
“I am so sorry I made you feel like that. I should have texted you back. I know that you were just worried,” he rubbed your back slowly, making soft circles. “I don’t find you clingy.. and I like when you take care of me. You mean the world to me and I am sorry I made you think otherwise..”
Follows and likes are appreciated! Please reblog if you enjoyed it so more people can find my work! Thank you all for your support! Stay safe, and have a good rest of your day!
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Sick Day | 2.1k
fluff!! you’re sick and rodrick comes to the rescue.
warnings: vomit, being sick in general
All day you had been feeling extremely ill. The nurse at school was being impossible and refused to send you home, despite your pleas.
“Please Mrs. Williams, I feel terrible you have to believe me!”
She was extremely skeptical, “Child, do you know how many times I hear that in a day? You don’t have a fever, back to class.”
And just like that, you were dismissed. Sent to endure the rest of your classes in misery.
The day went by painfully slow after your trip to the nurse. The fluorescent lights berated your pupils making it impossible to concentrate and worsening your headache.
It was sixth period, the last class of the day. Also your least favorite class of the day. You couldn’t stand the teacher. Mr. Wright. He was your classic asshole history teacher.
You were completely zoned out, trying to focus on not vomiting. Your name being called pulled you out of your haze.
“Miss y/l/n? Do you care to answer me? Unless you’re busy of course.”
Condescending bastard.
You held your tongue, swallowing any smart-ass comments that threatened to spill past your lips. You cleared your throat.
“I’m sorry, what was the question.”
He went through the whole “this is a learning environment” lecture after that. Again, you didn’t listen. You couldn’t have even if you wanted to. Thankfully, he left you alone after that.
Finally, the last bell of the day sounded through the school. You lept from your seat and ran to the bathroom. You practically body slammed the door open. Luckily, the bathroom was empty, most kids having already filed out of the main doors, eager to begin their weekend festivities.
You were hunched over one of the white porcelain bowl, tears filling your eyes.
Today could not get any worse.
After taking a few deep breaths, you were able to compose yourself enough to exit the bathroom.
You crossed your fingers, hoping that the halls had been completely evacuated.
You crept through the empty corridors and out into the parking lot. You were especially dreading the walk home today.
You were walking through the parking lot, enjoying the fresh air when you saw him. Rodrick Heffley.
The two of you were best friends in elementary school but you drifted apart after a while. You honestly developed a certain distaste for him, as he had you.
Please don’t notice me, please don’t-
“Y/n!”
Shit.
“Rodrick!” you feigned enthusiasm.
His brow furrowed, “You look… paler than usual?” You rolled your eyes, classic Rodrick. You wanted this interaction to end, immediately. “Yup. Not feeling well.” You deadpanned, providing little detail.
Rodrick hesitated for a moment, “Well, let me drive you home, kid.”
Kid. Who did he think he was?
“I think I’ll pass, weather is nice today.” The weather was far from nice.
“Oh really, the weather is nice, y/n? Where are you right now? Because it’s raining where I am.”
He sighed, “and I also saw that little performance Mr. Wright gave you...”
Oh so he pities me.
“Rodrick, If I get in your van will you stop talking?”
He motioned, pretending to zip his lips up and throw away the key. A small smile spread across your face but you didn’t let him see that.
A few minutes into the drive, you decided you were glad you let him take you home. The sky had opened up and it was storming.
Oh God.
“Rodrick, pull over, now.”
He looked over at you and could tell what was about to happen. He pulled over quickly and you opened the door. You leaned over and vomited right onto the grass patch parallel to the road, in the pouring rain.
Coyly, you returned to your seat in the van. You were unsure if you should apologize, so you stayed silent.
“Y/n, are your parents home?”
He knew they never were. Ever since you were a kid, your parents had been anywhere but home. Business trips, vacations, retreats, you name it.
You looked down at your shoes, water dripping from your hair, and shook your head.
“Alrighty then, change of plans.”
You protested, “Rodrick that’s really not necessary I’ll be fine.” Part of you knew there was no point in arguing. If he was one thing, it was stubborn.
He reached out, placing the back of his hand on your forehead to prove a point, “Y/n, you’re burning up. You’re coming with me.”
You were closer to his house anyways. That’s how you justified it, at least.
His van pulled into The Heffley’s driveway. Rodrick got out and rushed around the vehicle to open your door.
“Come along, y/n. I know somebody who will be very happy to see you,” he grinned.
The front door swung open and you were hit with a wave of nostalgia. The Heffley’s house was always warm and always smelled spectacular. Somehow, Mrs. Heffley was always baking or cooking something.
“Y/n? What a nice surprise this is!” Mrs. Heffley beamed. She had always loved you. “How I’ve missed seeing your face around here!” She said, placing her hands on your checks.
“You’re soaking wet!” You nodded awkwardly in response. “And goodness, you’re burning up! Are you feeling alright?” She felt your forehead and cheeks, then squeezed your shoulders gently.
From a young age, Mrs. Heffley had looked after you as one of her own. Nothing had changed it seemed.
“No, actually,” you smiled half-heartedly. Mrs. Heffley frowned at you. “Rodrick, get her some dry clothes, would you?.” Rodrick nodded, leading you up the stairs.
You stood in his room, obviously uncomfortable. He was knelt in front of his dresser, digging around for something.
“Ah! Here it is.”
Rodrick whipped out a t-shirt for you to change into. He grabbed a pair of black sweats from another drawer as well.
“Here you are, mademoiselle.” He stuck out the wad of clothing in your direction. You couldn’t lie, you were happy to have some dry clothes to change into.
You stepped into his bathroom, taking a moment to examine your appearance. You looked rough. Intense bags hung low under your eyes and you truly did look more pale than usual. Fantastic.
You emerged from the bathroom, Rodrick’s clothing drooping slightly from your frame. Rodrick was sitting on the end of his bed and he patted the surface.
You joined him on his twin mattress, only because you were exhausted.
“Rodrick, why are you being nice to me?”
He looked guilty. “You’ve had a rough day, y/n…”
He sucked in a breath, “...and y’know I’ll always care about you.”
How could he still care for you? You completely wrote him off when high school began.
“Listen, y/n, the past is in the past, okay?”
A genuine smile appeared on your face. Before the moment could become too sentimental, Rodrick interjected.
“Oh! Be right back,” he chirped.
He ran downstairs and came back with an orange soda and some cold & flu medicine.
Rodrick explained himself, “Orange! Like, vitamin C, right?” He looked too happy with himself, you couldn’t bring him down. At least his heart was in the right place.
Concealing your laughter to the best of your ability, you accepted the beverage and medicine from his hand.
You hated this kind of medicine with your whole heart. The orange soda could be useful honestly, just not for its nutritional value like Rodrick intended.
Rodrick measured out the appropriate amount of the medicine for you as you cracked open the can. He handed you the small cup full of the thick, red liquid.
You threw back the grotesque cherry flavored solution, grimacing as it coated your throat. You chased the medicine with the orange soda. See, it did come in handy.
You leaned back into Rodrick’s pillows, trying to relax.
About fifteen minutes later you felt extremely drowsy. “Rodrick, can I see that bottle?”
“Uh, sure,” he said, confused.
You read the bottle and instantly threw your head back in annoyance. “Rodrick this is the drowsy kind!” You continued inspecting the bottle, “and it’s extra strength!”
With each second passing, it got increasingly difficult to keep your eyes open.
Everything was blurry and you were teetering between consciousness and sleep.
“Rodrick,” you slurred. “I’m so sorry I stopped talking to you… stopped being your friend. Felt like I wasn’t cool or pretty enough… didn’t deserve you.”
Rodrick was extremely confused. You thought you were too good for him? He had to hold back a laugh.
He couldn’t conceal his smile, “Excuse me? Y/n, that must be the nyquil talking.” He rolled his eyes and brushed off your comment, contemplating the sentiment for a mere moment.
You eventually drifted off, unable to ward off sleep any longer.
When you woke up, you first noticed rodrick. He was sitting on his beaten up couch with his headphones covering his ears. You could hear the muffled baseline from your spot across the room.
How are his eardrums still intact?
Rodrick had a shoebox on his lap and he was shuffling through the contents, smiling to himself.
You cleared your throat, obtaining his attention.
“Oh, y/n! You’re up!” He smiled at you, ripping off his headphones.
You nodded slowly, knuckling your eyes sleepily.
“What time is it?”
Rodrick glanced at his watch, “It’s only 8:30.” You nodded again, continuing to rub the sleep from your eyes.
Rodrick stood, picking up the box and walking over to you. “Look,” he said softly. You peered down into the small shoebox and numerous photos and letters.
“This one here is my favorite,” he said quietly. It was a picture of you and Rodrick at the roller rink. You recognized the photo immediately.
“Seventh grade kick off,” you smiled. You took the box from his lap and began looking through each photo, braided friendship bracelet, concert ticket.
You laughed as each item brought back memories you had long forgotten.
You stopped at a photo of the two of you dressed up in ridiculous outfits. You wore a sequined hat and Rodrick held his drumsticks in hand.
“Was this when we saw Good Charlotte?” You asked.
He giggled, “It sure was. I remember thinking I looked so hot that night. Guess not huh.”
“What are you talking about, you looked incredible Rodrick. Seventh grade me was dying to jump you right then and there.”
His face lit up, “Really?”
“No,” you flashed him an expressionless look before breaking out into side-splitting laughter. He joined you.
You missed this feeling of pure, unadulterated joy. Rodrick was the only person who you had truly experienced that with.
You sighed to yourself. Come tomorrow, you’d be back to strangers. Tears welled up in your eyes and your lip quivered. Rodrick was oblivious until a single tear drop fell onto the photograph below you.
He immediately tried to comfort you. He placed an arm around your shoulder, dragging you into his larger frame. It caught you off guard but you allowed yourself to melt into his touch.
Rodrick distracted you from your sorrow. “Look at this one right here.” It was a photo of you and the Heffley Family in their backyard. You and Rodrick were around fifteen, if you remembered correctly.
“This was the day that I realized I had a big, fat crush on you.”
He followed up, “S’lame I know…”
Heat flooded your cheeks, this time the heat was not a result of your illness. Was it anxiety? Happiness? Both? You couldn’t decide.
“You never really explained why you stopped talking to me and coming by my house.”
You shrugged at him, feeling like your explanation would make him mad. “Well, Rodrick, you started getting new friends. Friends that were better than me or cooler than me.”
“Y/n that is probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I could never replace you. To this day, nobody’s ever come close.”
He gave you a playful smack over the head.
“...anyways, to be honest that crush never really went away?”
Before you had time to process the sentence he was gently grabbing your chin, turning your head.
You were facing him now, your lips only inches away from his.
“Can I kiss you?”
“Y-yeah, yes, I think so, yeah.”
He laughed at you and leaned in slowly. Rodrick used one finger to gently move your hair out of your face.
The kiss was gentle and filled with emotion.
You felt like you hadn’t known what you were missing out on until that moment. You felt completed.
“Oh shit, I better not get sick!”
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Deceitful Curse
Word Count: 10K
Warnings: non-con, stalking, obsession, mild blood, chikan, gaslighting, manipulation, humiliation, degradation, misogyny, exhibitionism
AO3 Link
As promised, this will be a gift fic for my lovely friend @lyrrotting , I promise I will write your four armed Sukuna fic soon to make up for this shitty fic lol <3
It was said that most people had an angel sitting on their right shoulder and a devil sitting on their left shoulder, the two bickered into the person’s ears about many things. While the devil would try to tempt the person, the angel would become the sound of conscience.
However, Yuuji only had the King of Curses whispering in his ear and he himself had to be the voice of conscience within his own mind.
Certainly, there would be a time he would be tempted to listen.
~~~
Life was good, Yuuji had already graduated over a year ago and gotten his sorcerer license to work until his inevitable execution.
Life was good, everyone had moved on with their lives. Inumaki had gotten a girlfriend, Fushiguro had a girlfriend and from what he heard, Maki and Kugisaki were dating each other.
Life was good, they were all happy.
Life was good, everyone else was happy.
~~~
There was a new coffee shop that had opened just two blocks down from where he lived. Naturally, Yuuji wanted to check it out for the sole purpose of seeing how big the place was. When he invited his friends over to his place and if they ever stayed the night, he wanted to have a place he could take them to for a brunch or a cup of coffee.
Unfortunately for him, the place was small. There were barely a dozen tables and nobody seemingly wanted to sit at the cramped coffee shop when they could walk to the nearby park to enjoy their coffee.
The place was crowded due to rush hour so he returned a couple of hours later to finally order something.
As soon as he walked inside, the sugary smell of the sweets and the strong aroma of the coffee surrounded him.
“Welcome!” said a cheerful voice. It was you, beaming at him with the brightest smile he had ever seen on anyone. It looked too genuine to be a fake service worker's smile.
He hesitantly walked up to the counter with a blush coloring his cheeks from the intensity of your smile that was aimed towards him. “Hi,” he said before lifting his eyes up to the menu displays. “Ah.” He had no idea what to get. “Takeaway, I think, and ahh… Um…”
As if you noticed his struggle, you started talking. “If you like sweets I’d recommend my special summer drink. If you like coffee, I can give you the best brew in the whole city. It isn't strong but the aroma actually tastes like fresh coffee beans, I roast them fresh every day.” You were so bright, still smiling. Didn’t your cheeks hurt? How could anyone be this sweet? “Or I can choose a drink for you! Trust me, I’ll make it count!”
He understood none of the things you were saying but he felt like he could trust you to choose a drink for him, so he nodded approvingly.
Clapping your hands together, you walked behind the coffee machine and disappeared from his view. “You live around here?”
Yuuji was caught off guard and didn’t realize you were talking to him for a while until you repeated your question. “Ah, yes! I live around the corner.”
“I’ll do my best to impress you so you’ll buy coffee from here every day.” Your tone wasn’t flirty. It was friendly and inviting, actually welcoming.
“That’s a good business tactic,” he said, matching your tone. “But I’m not that easy to impress.”
“Isn’t my prices enough to impress you? They’re rather cheap for the service you get and I’m not even talking about the quality of my products.” You reappeared with a plastic coffee mug, it had ice and apparently black coffee in it. You poured some sort of golden cream over the coffee on the counter where he could see it.
Like hypnotized, Yuuji watched with his mouth wide open as the two colors mixed in a gradient effect in his drink before you put a lid on it.
“Was that good enough?” you asked, proudly. “To impress you I mean.”
“Y-yeah.” He reached and took the drink you set on the counter. He was carefully examining the colors in awe when he abruptly realized that he hadn’t even paid yet. Hastily he dug his hand in his pocket and took out his wallet, “I’ll come here more often I think if I like the drink of course.”
“Hmm, you’ll like it so I’m not worried.” You smiled as he paid with his credit card. “See you later…” Furrowing your burrows, you looked at him so he would fill in.
“Itadori,” he introduced himself, blushing. “Yuuji Itadori.”
“(name),” you said, offering a cute smile. “Have a nice day, Itadori.”
“Y-you too.” He waved awkwardly and you did the same with a giggle. It was clear that he was a little overwhelmed.
By the time Yuuji exited the shop, he hadn’t realized how hard he was blushing or how he had forgotten to even try his drink. Then he blushed even harder realizing how embarrassing he acted back in the shop but he shook his head to get over those thoughts.
Decidedly, he took a sip from his coffee and immediately understood why you were so confident that he would be back to buy more.
~~~
The next day, it wasn’t exactly the incredible coffee you had sold him yesterday that brought him here.
It was you.
He was trying to convince himself that wasn’t the case though.
However, Sukuna knew the truth.
~~~
“Being single sucks!” Yuuji complained with a whine after slamming his empty glass on the table.
“You should try those dating apps if you really want a girlfriend,” Fushiguro replied and flicked the ash off his cigarette on the ashtray.
“I agree, Itadori, if you really are determined to be in a relationship then you should try meeting new people.” Yuuta fanned the smoke Fushiguro blew towards him away using his hand with a forced smile.
Inumaki nodded in agreement, continuing to munch on the salted crackers and avoiding drinking.
“It’s easy for all of you with pretty girlfriends to say!” Panda cried, “It’s only me and Itadori who’s single.” He wrapped his big arms around Yuuji and started rocking back and forth.
“You can always book a flight to China to meet with a female Panda?” Yuuji said in a confused tone, “Or the zoo?”
Panda froze and loosened his arms around Yuuji before pushing him away from himself. “That was rude.”
“Huh?” Yuuji raised a brow, still confused.
“His type is more… humane, I think.” Yuuta scratched at his cheeks and raised his brows, hoping that Panda would deny what he just said but he didn’t.
“Wait.” Yuuji’s eyes widened, “So, you’re telling me that it would actually work between you and a human, or is it-”
“Itadori,” Fushiguro said to stop Yuuji from delving deeper into the uncomfortable topic. “Leave Panda’s love life alone.”
“Hmm, why did you bring up the topic of wanting to get a girlfriend?” Yuuta asked, humming thoughtfully. “Do you have someone you like?”
“Deja vu,” Panda mumbled under his breath, nobody heard him.
As soon as the question was asked to him, Yuuji thought of one single person; you. The image of your smile and your cheerful voice. It was just a simple crush, the two of you were total strangers. Yet, he was still thinking about you right now and couldn’t get you out of his mind.
He suppressed all of those thoughts and noticed how everyone was looking at him, waiting for his answer.
“No, I don’t,” Yuuji replied.
~~~
Unlike Sukuna, Yuuji was an inexperienced young man. He was a celibate too. Which meant that to him, sexual desires had to come after love. The feelings of love and affection were important when it came to sex. Having sex was an act of love and a form of affection, to prove to the person he was involved with that he was devoting himself to them.
Pathetic.
The kid had already grown up to be an adult but still had the mentality of a child.
Sukuna knew he could help.
~~~
“You’re coming here more often now,” Sukuna pointed out. “Is it because you know the server likes you?”
“No, she doesn’t like me,” Yuuji deadpanned. He pouted cutely seconds later and watched you walk over to his table holding a tray with his drink on it with a bright smile. “I’m here only because this place makes the best coffee.”
“Here you go,” you chirped, putting Yuuji’s drink on the table. Your friendly smile and gorgeous eyes wandered on his face for a moment longer than usual. “Let me know if you need anything else.”
“Thank you.” He was blushing.
You flashed him another stunning smile before turning around on your heels.
“She’s into you,” Sukuna declared.
Yuuji ignored Sukuna’s words and stared after you as you walked back to the counter to take another order. His eyes couldn’t leave the way your hips moved with each step you took.
Sukuna’s lips on Yuuji’s hand grinned before disappearing.
~~~
“The girl looks like her,” Sukuna said.
“Will you be quiet?” Yuuji groaned and slapped his cheek so he would go away.
It was silent, he smiled to himself. Finally, he had some privacy.
The porn actress spread her legs and Yuuji wrapped his left hand around his cock after licking his palm as he was holding his phone with his right. He slid his fist up along his length and squeezed tightly towards the tip. The pressure felt the best when he applied it to the sensitive tip.
Loud moans coming from the actress filled his apartment since he hadn’t bothered to put on headphones. Not that he needed them when he was living alone but it was a habit now. So, he lowered the volume.
However, there was another reason why he didn’t need to hear the moans of the actress.
“She doesn’t sound like her, does she?” Sukuna made fun of him.
Yuuji ignored him and didn’t bother to tell him that it wasn’t the case. He just needed to cum and go to bed, that was it. He was too used to Sukuna interrupting his self-care time at this point and if the King of Curses didn’t mind watching a guy jerk off to some cheap porn, so be it. They were sharing Yuuji’s body and mind. Or not?
Yuuji focused on the video as the girl bent over and started fingering herself in an awkward position. His hand around his cock started moving to match the way her fingers went in and out of her cunt.
She really looked like you.
Wasn’t that why he had chosen this video?
Nevermind. Forget about it.
He had read or heard somewhere that masturbating with the non-dominant hand could give more pleasure. It was something he had done when he was only a teenager to try it out but now he liked to use his left hand.
It felt different, sometimes his hand went numb and it felt like someone else was touching him. You were touching him.
You.
This had to be how a handjob felt, if you ever gave him a handjob it would definitely feel like this.
Yuuji dropped the phone and closed his eyes, only focusing on his fantasies about you while jerking himself off. His hand moved faster while his hips were desperately thrusting up as if to mimic fucking you.
You would tease him, wouldn’t you? Stare at him with a grin, edge him and even slow down just to make him whine.
Or perhaps you would get rid of your clothes hurriedly to ease yourself down on his cock. Were you a virgin? You would be his first, he would want you to be your first too.
Were you the type to whimper or moan during sex?
Where would you place your hands?
Would you move your hips?
Which position would make you lose yourself?
He would want to be on top, so he could watch your face and kiss you.
What kind of face would you make?
Would you be blushing and moaning?
The image of your eyes overflowing with tears while your face was being stained with the same tears and your ruined makeup appeared within his mind.
Yuuji abruptly came harder than he ever had in his whole life and his seed landed on his stomach, his orgasm left his legs shaking in pleasure.
~~~
He didn’t go to the coffee shop the day after from embarrassment.
~~~
“You weren’t here yesterday,” you remarked while making his drink. “I was sure you were going to be here after I made you my new drink on the menu.”
“Ahh, I was just busy and didn’t have time to swing by.” It was a simple lie and it wasn’t like he could ever tell you that he was scared of himself after he came to his fantasy of seeing you cry. “I didn’t think you’d miss me this much.”
“Well, you’re my only loyal customer,” you pouted and put his drink on the counter. Nobody else was in the shop, another coffee place had opened just around the corner. “You always drink my special brew coffee too. It’s like an honor to me that you like my coffee.”
“It’s the best coffee I’ve ever had,” his reply was instantaneous and honest. “I like this place, I can tell how much love you put into making your drinks and it feels cozy here.”
You were grinning, “Mm, tell me more. Praise me more. What else?”
He started smirking but his blush ruined the smug face he was making. “Never mind, you’re weirding me out.”
“Hey! I was just asking you what else you like about my place! What’s weird about wanting to know how I can make this place better?” you feigned anger.
He wanted to tell you that he was only coming here for you. Wait, no. He came here for the coffee. Nothing else.
“What about making new drinks every week? They’d sell more and you’d get to try out new things?” he said after careful thinking.
“That’s actually a good idea, thank you, Itadori!”
Ahh, the way you said his name… Yuuji wanted to hear you say his name again and again. Over and over again.
“It’s nothing,” he replied, rubbing his neck nervously with his hand. “I’m just trying to help.”
~~~
It started with small words of encouragement.
“That woman likes you, I can tell from the way she smiles at you. Talk to her more and befriend her.”
“It’s not like you to say nice things,” Yuuji said, averting his gaze from yours in embarrassment when you looked his way. He hoped you hadn’t caught him looking. “Besides, she’s just a server. It’s her job to attract customers with a smile and sweet talk.”
“Every server needs a master,” Sukuna spoke through Yuuji’s hand. Nobody could see him since the guy had his hand pressed against his ear. “She doesn’t look at you the same way she looks at the other peasants here.”
Yuuji didn’t say anything.
~~~
His finger hovered over the follow button.
”That’s her?” Sukuna asked, his ancient soul was getting used to the technology he saw his vessel was using. “Those are her pictures?”
“Yeah.” Yuuji gulped, nodding languidly. It would be weird if he followed you, right? He had found your account by chance. Not because he found the account of your coffee shop and then scrolled through the following list to find a friend of yours and then searched through their following list to find your name to eventually find your account. Only by chance.
“She looks different in the pictures.” Sukuna was right. You were smiling as usual but you weren’t wearing your cafe uniform. You were wearing normal clothes. Clothes that revealed more of your skin, your shoulders, legs, thighs, and in some pictures your cleavage. There was a smug look on your face when you were looking at the camera as if you knew whoever was looking at these pictures was admiring your beauty.
“Yeah, she does.” He was now looking at a picture of you in a dress that fit you just right, showing your curves he hadn’t noticed in your uniform.
“She’s beautiful.” Sukuna could sense the intensity of his vessel’s stare at your picture.
“Yeah.”
“I’d save that picture if I were you.” Sukuna grinned.
Yuuji took a screenshot.
~~~
“You should be more assertive if you want her to consider you as a man,” Sukuna said as Yuuji was walking towards the coffee shop. “Women like confident men.”
“You come from the ancient times, this is the new age. Women are equal with men and I want her to feel-”
“Women want men. Not boys. Definitely not brats like you.” Sukuna disappeared when his vessel entered the coffee shop.
Yuuji sighed in a dismissive manner, “Whatever you say.”
~~~
Women want men.
~~~
“What do women like in a man?” Yuuji asked.
The happy laughter of the guys died out as soon as he asked that and the loud chatter of the other people inside the bar couldn’t fill the dead silence Yuuji created.
They were all looking at each other around the table now. Nobody wanted to talk.
“I guess they like guys who are assertive,” Yuuta responded when no one else did. “Megumi, why don’t you say something? What does your girlfriend like about you?”
Fushiguro was inanimate as he stubbed out his cigarette on the ashtray and took a long moment to consider what he was going to say. “She said that likes that I’m possessive and get jealous when she talks to other guys.”
“Hmm, possessive and jealous...” Yuuta nodded and then turned to Inumaki. “And your girlfriend liked that she can depend on you, right?”
“Salmon.”
“There you have it,” Yuuta concluded. “They like possessive guys who they can depend on!”
“What about you, Okkotsu?” Yuuji asked. “What does your girlfriend like about you?”
The person in question looked a little lost and taken aback that he was being asked. He had to take a deep breath to keep his facial expressions normal. “She likes that I take control.”
“How?” Yuuji was desperate.
“Isn’t that a bit invasive question, Itadori?” Fushiguro warned in a soft tone.
“It’s not invasive at all!” Yuuta forced a laugh and spoke in the same joking manner. “It means that I was a little pushy and bold, I think?”
Both Fushiguro and Inumaki started agreeing.
“I see.” Yuuji realized that Sukuna was right.
~~~
“Isn’t that her picture?”
Yuuji ignored him and continued rubbing his cock.
His hand started moving faster, his eyes were trained on the picture of you, eyes roaming on your body and imagining how it would feel to run his hands along your curves.
“She looks like she’d love taking it from her ass.”
“Shut up, she’s not like that!” he immediately protested. His cheeks were bright red from shame. He had never done it to the pictures of the people he had met. Only celebrities. It didn’t feel right.
“She’s a woman. I know what women want and like.” Sukuna was confident. “I know exactly what she wants, unlike you.”
Yuuji tried blocking out the curse’s voice in his head and tightened his grip as well as his pace. He was imagining you again, eyes full of tears and you were twisting your body to push him weakly away with your tiny hands as he took you from behind.
Thanks to that fantasy, he came in an instant.
~~~
Yuuji was a good guy.
He was sacrificing his life to save others every day and he was going to be executed for the sake of saving humanity from the curses.
He could never be the bad guy.
~~~
“Welcome,” you chirped as soon as he walked through the door. “The usual?”
Yuuji awkwardly smiled and bowed his head to greet you. “Y-yeah.”
“Had a good day?” Turning around, you walked away from the counter to reach the coffee machine, disappearing from his view.
Yuuji made his way towards the counter and tried recalling how his day had been. He had exorcised a couple of curses and even got the opportunity to catch up with Fushiguro and his girlfriend when they ran into each other downtown. To put it simply, his day had been the worst. “It was a good day, how was yours?”
Dumb.
You were only making small talk because he was a regular here, nothing more. He knew people who worked in small coffee shops like this were always friendly to attract customers, to give a sense of home to people who come here for a drink or the tasty sweets. It was a marketing strategy.
“My day was tiring. I took your advice and put a new drink on the menu but apparently, it’s really good because everyone wanted to try it. However, the thing is… it’s so hard to make it!!” You appeared in front of him again with his drink and pointed behind you, at the menu displays. “I ran out of strawberries twice and had to call to ask my friend to go buy some from the store for me.”
“Woah, that sounds really exhausting!” he said in a tone to match your own while you were making a cutesy pouting face. “Hmm.” There was a momentary pause as he took his coffee from you and grinned. “I changed my mind, I also want to try this incredibly hard-to-make drink too.”
Your shoulders slacked and you gave an exaggerated sigh. “I thought you of all people would pity me…”
“I’m known for being ruthless,” he joked, chuckling. The smile on his face was genuine and he couldn’t stop smiling, it was as if he could never be in a bad mood around you. “But yes, I was joking. No need to call a friend to buy more strawberries or anything.”
You pointed a finger at him with mock threat and anger. “Don’t make fun of me or I won’t serve you again.”
“That’s better than threatening to spit in my coffee.” He tilted his head and shrugged.
“You said it as if I don’t do it all the time.” You raised a brow.
Both of you laughed but once the joke died out, there was an awkward silence.
“Anyway,” you said, gesturing towards one of the tables you clearly had wiped and cleaned because you were getting ready to close the place. “You can take a seat there if you wanna, I sadly have to finish up cleaning.”
When he looked around he could see that there was a mop you were planning to use. He didn’t want to disturb you any longer. It would be weird if he sat down when you were desperately trying to close the shop for the night.
It was rude and you were only being polite to him.
“I’ll drink this on the way home,” Yuuji replied with a nervous grin, and the tension from your shoulders visibly relaxed.
“Have a good evening!” you chirped after him as he turned around his heels.
“You too!” He exited the shop.
“Coward,” Sukuna spat.
“Please, be quiet.” Not again. Not this devil again.
“You could’ve fucked her against that counter. She was all over you, begging for you to make a move.” There was an undeniable smile in his voice.
“Be quiet, will you?” No. You were just an innocent girl. Someone who was nice to him because he came to buy coffee. He was just a customer.
“You, brat, are going to die as a celibate if you keep this up. Have you ever stick it inside a woman before? Do you have any idea of how heavenly a woman’s warmth is? The way they squirm and moan under you as they give you the look of an angel’s and beg for you to take it slow, cling onto you with tiny little hands-”
“Shut up!” Yuuji slammed the coffee on the concrete ground, his chest heaving in anger and frustration.
Some passersby stared at him and walked further away from where he was standing.
Sukuna disappeared with a smile.
Yuuji took a deep breath to calm himself.
~~~
The bells over the wooden door chimed, announcing his arrival.
“Hi!” you quickly yelled and appeared by the counter, your smile widened when you realized it was Yuuji. “The usual?”
“You don’t need to ask,” he replied, eyes softening and shoulders relaxing. He felt like himself in here, he felt at home.
“Did you have a good day?” you asked before disappearing behind the coffee machine.
“It was a bad day until I came here,” he said lumberingly, his cheeks flushed from nervousness. He was terrible at flirting.
You laughed, he couldn’t see your reaction but you sounded happy when you spoke. “Ahh, I’m glad I’m able to make you happy! It brings me joy when I manage to help others have a good day in one way or another!”
So kind and selfless.
The two of you were a perfect match.
Seconds later you were standing in front of him with his drink on top of the counter. “I hope you’ll have a great rest of the night, Itadori! I’m glad my coffee was able to help you feel better.”
He opened his mouth to say that it wasn’t the coffee that made him happy but he closed it when he realized how weird it would sound. “Thank you.”
~~~
“I like you and I think we should hang out sometime,” he said, smiling awkwardly. Seconds of silence passed and he slapped a hand on his face in embarrassment. After taking a deep breath he tried again. “Do you wanna go out for dinner this weekend?”
“You are acting like a brat,” Sukuna mocked. “Go up to her and tell her you to want to make her yours like a real man.”
Yuuji ignored him while staring at his reflection in the mirror and groaned. He hated when Sukuna said things that made sense.
His clothes were ironed and his hair was slicked back with the hair gel he had bought in a rush.
“You look pathetic.” Brutally honest, Sukuna’s voice had a tone of embarrassment in it. He was ashamed of living inside him.
“I look good.” Yuuji wasn’t going to let him ruin this moment. He was going to prove to everyone else that he could get the girl if he acted like himself. There was no need to be pretending something he wasn’t when it came to you. He knew you would want him to be honest.
“She’s going to reject you, brat. Don’t ridicule yourself and take my advice.”
“What’s your advice?” Yuuji scoffed, “Manhandle her?”
“You’re feeling the instinct of mating and lust,” Sukuna said. “You want to fuck her, you don’t want to make love to her or whatever the humans call it.”
“What?” Yuuji forced a smile on his face and laughed hysterically, “Are you even hearing what you’re saying?”
“Love isn’t real. Obsession, lust, and devotion are real though. You want to breed her. Don’t mix up libido with what peasants would call love.”
There was a grim pause.
“I like her,” Yuuji said. “She’s pretty and she seems like a nice person. Her smile is cute and-”
“Do whatever you want, brat,” Sukuna yawned, getting ready to disappear from Yuuji’s cheek. “Try not to throw a tantrum when you get rejected.”
“You were the one who told me to go up to her and make her mine?” Frustrated, Yuuji rolled his eyes in irritation.
“Making some woman yours doesn’t mean to woo her or make love to her. Are all brats the same as you? Don’t you know that women are pleasure dolls for men? They live to please men.” Sukuna was getting serious, he raised his voice with each sentence. “Women are like fish, they don’t have feelings.”
“That’s not true.” Yuuji’s voice got a little weaker than he had intended to. “You’re wrong.” It didn’t sound like he was denying what Sukuna had said and trying to convince himself that wasn’t the truth instead.
Sukuna disappeared from his cheek with a malicious grin.
Shaking his head to gather his thoughts, Yuuji quickly walked out of his room and exited his apartment.
It took him twenty minutes to get to the coffee shop when it usually took him barely ten minutes. He had gotten flowers for you. Not really sure which ones to get, he had chosen one of the pink and red bouquets on display. He was nervous and sweating. He had to wipe his palms down on his jeans to keep them dry way too many times, he had stopped counting after the seventh time.
He stood outside of the cafe, trembling in excitement. There weren't any windows at your coffee shop thus he couldn’t see if there were any customers inside. He could only hope that it would be just the two of you alone since there was something very special he needed to tell you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
He grabbed the handle and opened the door. You were behind the counter, looking down at your phone. As soon as the bells over the door chimed you put it away and smiled, “Welcome!”
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Yuuji’s grip tightened around the bouquet he was holding, his cheeks started burning in nervousness.
“Woahh, you’re going on a date?” you asked while he walked up to the counter, your voice was as cheerful as ever. “I couldn’t recognize you, should I give you the usual?”
“Uhh, no.” He paused. When both of you stared at each other he realized how awkward and confusing his answer was. “Um, it’s not a date but I’m gonna ask the girl I like out.” His face was turning beet red.
“Aww, that’s so adorable! She’s so lucky, you’ve even bought her flowers, so cutee!!” You pressed a hand over your chest, feigning being hurt. “Ahh, my heart can’t handle it.”
“Y-yeah.” He blushed harder, shifting his weight on his feet nervously. “She’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.”
“You better treat her right then and I hope she’ll say yes.” You didn't miss the eyes on you and continued smiling in discomfort. “The usual?” you asked once it started getting a little too quiet and he nodded.
The uncomfortable silence started making Yuuji reconsider what to say or if he should say them at all. You put his coffee on the counter before he could take his time thinking.
“Is that all?” you asked as you were putting his order’s total into the cash register.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
“N-no,” he replied in a quiet voice while reluctantly taking out his wallet to pay for his coffee.
“I hope you have a lovely night, Itadori. Go get the girl!” you cheered him on with a cute smile.
“Actually,” he started, looking at you with his flushed cheeks and fidgeting with his fingers. “Ahh, (name), I wanted to tell you something.”
“Hmm, what is it?” You were smiling, watching him in confusion.
Yuuji decided that he shouldn’t beat around the bush at this moment because he wanted to seem confident. He knew if he didn’t spit it out now or else he would never say it. He had to get to the point and dive in ahead without any hesitation.
“I like you.”
Lifting the bouquet, he held it up towards you as you looked at him and then at the bouquet repeatedly with wide eyes but you didn’t seem shocked.
You opened your mouth to say something but closed it again.
“I mean, you’re such a nice person and I found myself always looking forward to seeing you. I think about you all the time and I can’t get you out of my head. I used to hate it here, it’s a large city with too many people… but then you took over this shop, and now I… don’t hate it that much.”
He was saying all that with a puffed chest and a big goofy grin on his face, his cheeks were blushing as he tried not to look nervous. However, when he saw the way your smile curled down to a frown as he kept on talking, it felt like someone poured iced water down his head.
Yuuji couldn’t breathe.
“Um, that’s flattering,” you said, forcing a smile on your face and taking the bouquet from him. “Were these for me?”
“Y-yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
You nodded languidly, noticing that you were the girl he wanted to ask out. “I… I don’t know what to say. Thank you, I really appreciate it.” You couldn’t find the words that wouldn’t hurt him.
Gradually, he noticed how uncomfortable you looked and his smile disappeared from his face.
“I’m sorry but I’m not looking for a relationship, I’m really busy with working and taking care of this cafe but I appreciate your feelings.” You averted your gaze from him for a moment, a scoff left your lips. Were you laughing at him? “I apologize if my affable demeanor gave you the wrong idea but sadly I can’t return your feelings.”
He looked down to his feet to pull himself together, an icy shiver ran through him as he spoke. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
So childish.
“Of course,” you said, forcing a chuckle.
“I hope we can still be friends, I wouldn’t wanna lose you.” Yuuji was desperate, he couldn’t imagine a life without you.
“Of course!” you repeated with a louder forced chuckle. “I don’t want this to ruin our friendship!”
“Me neither.” He couldn’t lift his head or move, his body had turned to stone.
The pauses started to grow longer and eerily quiet. You were the one who spoke next.
“Thank you so much, Itadori, I’m flattered by your confession and I hope we can be close friends!” Pressing the bouquet on your chest and hugging it with both arms, you used a soft tone to talk to him. “I need to close down and catch the train home, I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah…” Yuuji turned around and walked out of the cafe without saying anything else, leaving the coffee he had paid for on the counter.
“I told you, didn’t I, brat?” Sukuna mocked, voice full of mischief as he appeared on his vessel’s cheek.
“Leave me alone,” Yuuji hissed. He was walking away from the coffee shop, not going home though, not yet. He needed to calm down.
“Women want to be ordered around, brat. They want men to take control. If you act like a brat, they won’t see you as a man.”
Yuuji’s breath hitched upon hearing Sukuna’s words. His knees started feeling weaker than they ever could but he had to stand proud, assert his dominance over the King of Curses and collect himself.
It wasn’t fair! It wasn’t fair that he was in this situation, it wasn’t fair that he was rejected, it wasn’t fair that he was cursed to live in despair. He was eventually going to get executed and he hadn’t had a youth where he fulfilled any of his dreams. He had wanted only one thing, to feel happy with one person and that childish wish must have been too much to ask. Not only he got rejected but now he had Sukuna making fun of him.
“You must be a man and make her yours.”
“She told me she didn’t want a relationship.” Yuuji couldn’t deal with him anymore. “We’re friends.”
“Do you want a woman for yourself or not, brat?” Sukuna sighed in irritation before humming thoughtfully. “I’ll help you,” he offered generously, “I’ll help you make her yours.”
“Leave me alone, Sukuna.” Yuuji was getting angrier, and soon he started to tremble in rage.
“Let me help you to get a taste of a woman, brat.”
“She rejected me-”
“She’s just playing hard to get. A woman like her wants to be chased. She didn’t tell you to get lost because she wants you to keep coming back to her so you’ll continue to give her your attention. That girl would spread her legs for anyone who gives her attention if she wasn’t a prude. She’s a virgin, that must be why she’s acting like this. I can smell it, the blood that’s yet to bleed once her innocence is taken. You need to take it, brat.”
“You want me to rape her, is that it?” Yuuji spat, he had never thought he would say those words out loud.
“I never said that, brat.” Sukuna let out a chuckle, lying. “Let me show you what I mean.”
“I’m not letting you take over my body,” he replied coldly.
“I don’t want to take over your body, that woman is yours,” Sukuna assured.
“Then, what do you want me to do?” Yuuji asked.
Sukuna grinned viciously, “Let's go back to where she works first.”
~~~
“Itadori-”
The door closed after him with a soft click.
You let out a frustrated sigh and pressed the bouquet against your chest, hugging them tightly.
That hadn’t gone well at all.
Your eyes landed on the coffee he forgot to take with him on the counter. “I’m the worst,” mumbling, you put the flowers on the counter to prepare the cafe for closing.
You took the paper coffee mug and poured it out, the dark liquid went down the sink as you watched, hypnotized and lost in your thoughts.
That guy… He wasn’t like any other you met. He was adorable and matched your energy like no other person ever had. You enjoyed being around Itadori and you were glad he felt the same but… he knew you for less than two weeks. He was clearly confused, he had made a friend who he managed to click instantly and mistook his feelings for love.
Nonetheless, you felt terrible. It was never easy to reject someone, especially when you were so busy trying to manage the coffee shop of your dreams you finally got to open.
Itadori had to understand that. He would understand, right?
Oh, he had looked so excited and nervous. He had even slicked his messy hair back and brought flowers…
You hoped he would get over it quickly or at least, he would come to the shop tomorrow so you could comfort him. The two of you needed to talk a little more, you needed for him to know that you didn’t want to break his heart. You felt the need to apologize, ahh, so stupid. You hadn’t even done anything wrong.
It hurt though.
It still hurt.
You hated making other people feel bad. You wanted to be the reason behind their smiles and laughter, not tears.
Packing your stuff and turning off the lights, you left the shop. The door was locked two times as usual before you hurried down the street towards the subway.
The station was packed more than usual and you immediately regretted not listening to your friend’s advice on renting that one apartment down the block. But complaining right now wasn’t going to get you home.
You hopped on the train and shielded the bouquet with your arms wrapped around it as you tried not to get crushed by the swarm of people getting on the train. Once the doors closed, you had successfully managed to find a place by the train door with a little space so you could avoid getting the bouquet crushed.
Facing the doors, you stared out the small window, it was dark but every second or another a light would zoom in and out. You weren’t sure if they were there for navigating or not but you found yourself too focused on the lights as the sudden brake of the train made you stumble forward.
When you regained your balance to stand up straight, there was someone behind you. They were a little too close but it was nothing out of the ordinary, you always found yourself being pressed against other people during rush hours in the subway.
At the next stop, the doors on the opposite side opened and another swarm of people filled the train. Now, the person behind you was trapping you between their body and the door that was in front of you.
You were showing extra carefulness to not let the bouquet get crushed, you wanted to take it home in one piece without anything happening to it. These flowers were beautiful, they smelled amazing too. You wanted to cherish them even if you hadn’t managed to cherish Itadori’s feelings.
As you were inspecting the bouquet you saw a small card that was attached to one of the flowers. You checked it and realized what it was.
It was Itadori’s phone number and a cute little heart drawn next to it with a small message.
‘I’d love to hear more of your voice and complaints about work in private!!’
You didn’t realize you were smiling at the note until something brought you out of your trance.
A voice to be exact.
“Your lover got them to you?” A husky voice asked.
Lifting your head, you stared at the small window. From the almost transparent reflection on the window, you could see that the guy behind you had talked. You couldn’t see his face from his hoodie covering his features but you could tell that he was talking to you.
“Um, not really,” you replied. It wasn’t abnormal to you that other people made small talk to you, you talked to strangers more than anyone else every day. You always overshared anyway. “They are from a close friend.”
“He must love you.” There was an undeniable smile in his voice.
You forced a chuckle, looking down in front of you. “Y-yeah.”
When the train braked abruptly, he got closer. “Touch her-” It was a whisper from the same guy, you were unable to make out the words clearly but you decided to ignore him for the rest of the ride. You needed to get off in twenty minutes and were too tired to act friendly.
That was when you felt the back of his hand brushing against your ass.
You froze, before you could call it an accident and blame it on the crowded train, he pressed the back of his hand more purposefully on the soft flesh.
Fear paralyzed your body and you found yourself at a loss of words. You didn’t know what to do, you wanted to move away but you were trapped between him and the door.
“You’re not gonna ask for help?” he asked, leaning forward to mock you.
It was too humiliating and you were unable to think of anything. Somehow, you shook your head to tell him to stop because your voice wouldn’t come out. You pressed the bouquet harder against your chest in panic, praying to whoever was listening that the guy would stop.
You heard him say something but every other voice was muffled now, it was as if your ears were filled with cotton.
The only thing you did was to hope that you could muster up the courage to push him away and get out on the next stop.
Why was this happening to you?
Why?
“See, I told you.” Sukuna scoffed as Yuuji’s entire face was beet red. “She’s not even gonna ask for help because she wants you to continue.”
Yuuji saw your blushed cheeks in the reflection in the window, you were breathing heavily and standing still.
He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
When Sukuna convinced him to follow you into the subway train and let him do the talking, he was conflicted because he wasn’t sure what the King of Curses wanted to prove but now, he knew.
“Women live to be conquered by men,” Sukuna concluded, “Do you understand it now or should I elaborate more?”
Yuuji was quiet.
“She’ll bend down and beg for you to fuck her right now if you continue touching her.”
You wouldn’t.
Right?
Using his whole hand, Yuuji groped your ass while trembling from dismay but he couldn’t forethought the way you reacted being anything other than screaming for help or pushing him away.
Instead of fighting back or doing anything he had thought you would, you mewled and stayed exactly where you were.
They were all right.
Fushiguro, Inumaki and Yuuta. They were all right.
Sukuna was more than right. He had been trying to help him but Yuuji was too blind to see it.
“Check her cunt, I bet she’s soaking wet.” Sukuna had said to mock his vessel. He didn’t expect for him to move his hand between your legs and under your skirt to press his fingers against your clothed pussy. Neither did you.
Letting out a squeal, you hunched forward, pressing your legs together in panic as his digits moved along your clothed slit that was completely damp.
He started rubbing his fingers between your folds, your juices soaked your panties and made sloppy sounds each time he moved his digits.
“I can hear it from here, did you wet yourself, or are you this wet for me?” Sukuna laughed audibly.
You shook your head, slouching further down and trying to move away from Yuuji’s hands.
“Women aren’t good liars,” Sukuna said as Yuuji slouched forward with you and pressed himself against your ass. “You’re aching to have a cock inside you, no?”
“Please,” you begged. You wanted him to stop.
“Oh, look, she’s asking so politely to be filled with a cock.” Sukuna made fun of your misery while watching the brat finally grow into a man.
Yuuji was sure Sukuna had taken over his body because he would never hump the girl he liked as he was fingering her over her clothes in a train. In public, he reminded himself, in a train and in public where nobody seemed to care.
His hands were moving on their own, he hooked a finger under the elastic edge of your panties to pull them to the side.
“W-wait, please,” you whispered in a weak voice, finally using a hand to grab his wrist to try to pull him away from your pussy. You weren’t strong or convincing enough though.
Yuuji slipped his fingers inside you and grinded his growing erection against your ass, earning a surprised moan out of you.
The hand that was grabbing his wrist immediately went to cover your mouth to suppress your voice as he started humping you to deliberately mimic fucking you.
“Please, stop…” Your voice was fainter than a whisper behind your hand.
“You say that but you’re pitifully trembling in anticipation.” His lips were brushing against the shell of your ear but it was as if he wasn’t using his mouth to talk.
“I’m not…” You pressed your legs together and trapped his hand between your thighs while he twirled his digits around inside you.
“Lying isn’t cute, you know.” There was a smile in his deep voice, “Come on try harder to lie and make me believe you don’t want it.” He dragged his tongue along the shell of your ear, earning a surprised but muffled moan from you.
Yuuji brought his other hand up to cup your breast over your shirt, his cock was painfully hard against his jeans, and the knowledge of him touching his crush was too much for him to handle. He could cum in his pants if he wasn’t careful enough. Sukuna was saying the most vulgar things to you but instead of pushing him away, you were staying exactly where you were. It was fascinating to see how much you were begging to be touched.
It disturbed him a little, would you let any stranger touch you like this? Would you be this wet for anyone?
Yuuji didn’t want to know the answer but Sukuna did.
“Come on, be honest. Would you be this keen to be fucked by any man or is it because it’s me?” Sukuna asked, he was barely holding himself to switch with the brat, he loved corrupting innocent souls like you. He loved seeing the painful and pathetic cries they would let out as their faces were stained with tears.
You shook your head rapidly as his fingers inside you curled to rub a sweet spot you didn’t know existed.
“So, does that mean you wouldn’t want to be fucked by anyone but me?” Sukuna laughed while Yuuji let out a low groan, grinding harder against your ass, humping you roughly.
“N-nooo,” you were sobbing now, tears started running down your cheeks.
“Good girl… You’re finally being honest. You hear that? She would never want to be fucked by anyone but me.”
“T-that’s not what I meant…”
It was fun to tease girls like you. Sukuna could feel your fear and took incredible joy from hearing your voice crack. “Now, that’s cute… I wanna hear you cry out my name in your cute voice too.”
Yuuji groaned, shaking his head as if Sukuna was going to listen to him.
“S-Sukuna,” he mocked your crying. “Come on, say it just like that and beg for me to fuck you.”
Your body was shaking in fear, your cries only spurred him on and you didn’t know what to do. “P-please stop, S-Sukuna.” The way you whimpered his name, there was no way Sukuna could hold back.
“You better take her innocence before I do it myself, brat.” Sukuna was a man of his word, he had promised the brat to not touch you but if he didn’t man up and fucked you here, he would have no choice but to do it himself. He would never let a girl’s innocence go to waste. The blood of purity was something holy for curses like him. It was the nectar of the gods from the most ancient times, something that could only be attained by the perfect innocent virgins.
“Don’t you dare,” Yuuji spat, speaking for the first time. “She’s mine.”
You didn’t hear him though. His fingers were thrusting in and out of you vigorously while he was humping you and fondling your tit. Your walls clenched around his digits as he moved his hand on your chest between your bodies to impatiently pull the front of his pants down.
Realizing what was about to happen when he finally pulled his cock free and hiked your skirt up, you stared at your reflection on the window, crying and begging him to stop.
Yuuji froze momentarily, pulling his fingers out of you. He could see your expression in the window but you couldn’t see his face. He was stunned by seeing your cheeks wet with tears and mascara running down to ruin more of your makeup, it was… it was purely so erotic and better than his fantasies.
He slammed his hips forward and buried the entire length of his cock in your pussy.
Your virgin walls squeezed tightly around him and the sharp pain of your hymen being torn made fresh tears run down your cheeks. Your hand covering your mouth went to the door in front of you to keep your balance because of the ferocity of his thrust. Your lips parted to scream in pain but his fingers being shoved inside your mouth stopped you.
You tasted your bitter juices on his fingers as he twirled them around your tongue, catching the muscle between his knuckles.
Yuuji felt lightheaded by the fact that he was actually having sex with his crush, on top of all that, you were both each others’ first. He knew he was going to cherish this memory forever and even though he would have liked to do it in a bed with the lights off, this was fine too.
It didn’t matter where he was as long as he had his cock inside of you.
With a moan, he staggeringly pulled his hips back to abruptly slam into your pussy. The blood of your innocence acted as a lubricant, made it easier for him to slip inside, and made a sloppy sound each time he thrust inside.
You could feel his entire weight settle on your back while he nuzzled against the side of your neck before he shakily licked the sensitive skin to get a taste of you. Instinctively, you tried moving your head away from his mouth but his fingers in your mouth prevented you. To put it simply, you were trapped and were at his mercy.
He picked up a discreet but still desperate pace to fuck you, he was still cautious of the two of you being in public but he was still delirious to be having sex with you. Sex. Did it always feel this good? Were you feeling good too? You wanted it, he knew you did because you told Sukuna you wanted it.
Slamming his hips forward, he knocked the air out of your lungs, you gasped on his fingers, drooling all over yourself from having your mouth forcefully kept open by his long digits.
Yuuji was hopeless to mark his territory, to mark you as his. He wanted everyone to know that you belonged to someone when they looked at you. You were his and only his.
His cock grew bigger inside you at the thought of him owning you. He started fucking you frantically, no longer bothering if the people around had noticed or not. Your cunt tightened around his cock and you felt his teeth sink into the sensitive flesh of your neck. He bit hard, hard enough to draw blood and leave you trembling in numbing pain.
Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as the tip of his cock hit a sweet spot and your legs shook uncontrollably under you, they were struggling to carry your weight.
His teeth sank deeper into your flesh and you dropped the bouquet you were holding against your chest to involuntarily arch your back instead. He chewed on your skin as he felt your virgin walls pulsate around his cock, you were begging to be filled with his seed, weren’t you?
Women were nothing but a bunch of breeding holes anyway. They all acted like innocent angels when deep down they all were whores. Pleasure toys for men. They lived to please men, didn’t they?
You lived to please Yuuji, didn’t you?
Yuuji pulled his hand out from your mouth and stopped biting you. He licked the blood from your neck to focus on fucking you with frenzied thrusts instead. All of his inexperience and desperation were behind his thrusts, along with his entire weight, forcing you to take the very shape of his cock and never forget the girth of it.
Continuing to peppering small kisses on your neck, he started angling his hips just right to hit the spot that made your knees unbuckle. One, two, three thrusts, and your legs were a shaking mess. You moaned in response before he wrapped an arm around you to keep you up on your feet.
“It feels good, doesn’t it?” Sukuna spoke suddenly, startling both of you. “You shouldn’t hold back anymore.”
Yuuji wasn't sure which one of you he was talking to but he kept on nodding and moving his hips.
“Nobody else is going to hear you, give me an honest answer,” Sukuna was chuckling. “How does it feel?”
How does it feel to be fucked?
How does it feel to be fucked on a train?
How does it feel to be fucked in public?
How does it feel to have your innocence taken away?
How does it feel to indulge the darker parts of your mind?
Yuuji’s hips stuttered when your walls clenched around him tightly as you refused to answer.
“I won’t know how it feels if you don’t tell me, (name).”
Your mouth popped open and you moaned upon hearing your name. How did he know your name?
As soon as he thrust into your pussy, you forgot about it and let out a moan.
Were you always this depraved?
He continued fucking you frantically. His pace was faster and more ruthless, he was close. With each thrust of his hips, he left you moaning in involuntary pleasure but there was no denying that it felt good.
It felt so good.
“Tell me, (name).”
It felt so good.
“Come on, tell me.”
“Please,” you begged. It feels so good. Feels so good.
“That’s not what I wanna hear,” Sukuna murmured. “Come on now.”
The automated voice announced the next stop.
“Hurry it up already.” He was getting impatient.
“It feels so good,” you whimpered, defeated.
“Good girl,” Sukuna grinned before disappearing from Yuuji’s cheek.
The shame overwhelmed all of your senses and you looked at your reflection in the window once more, you caught a glimpse of your aroused expression. You were such a whore.
Yuuji slammed his hips forward one last time and you felt the small twitch of his balls against your skin before his cock twitched, spurting thick ropes of cum inside you.
The train stopped and he pulled out of you.
His seed started gushing out of your pussy before starting to trickle down your legs. Most of the bodily fluid had pooled under you and when you fell hard on the ground, they soaked into your skirt.
The guy who assaulted you was nowhere to be seen as the doors of the train on the other side opened. Many people hopped off the train but nobody paid any attention to you and you were sure they had been oblivious to what had happened. Nobody would care anyway.
A sob tore out of you and you tried getting up. Your legs were like jelly but as you managed to stand up, you noticed the bouquet you had dropped. More tears started to come out, they blurred your vision and you found yourself grabbing it from the ground.
Thankfully, it wasn’t crushed.
The train doors closed and it started moving forward while you were trying to fix your skirt.
Ah, that was your stop…
You sobbed again but pressed a hand over your mouth to not disturb anyone. Your crying didn’t stop even after you got off of the train on the next stop. You wanted to call someone to help you get back home because you weren’t sure if you could make it alone. Your legs were hurt, the throbbing pain coming from between your legs wouldn’t let you walk or stand up.
You weren’t going to tell them what had happened. Nobody could know. You didn’t need their pity. You were too ashamed.
Sitting on a bench, you scrolled down your contacts but none of the names there would help you. Not unless they had something to gain from it. Wasn’t that why you dropped everything and moved here to open a coffee shop?
How pathetic of you.
People only used you for your kindness.
You shifted on your seat and something slipped out from the bouquet. When you picked it up, you noticed that it was the note Itadori had written for you.
There was an ugly pause before you dialed the unknown number and a familiar voice responded.
“Hey,” he sounded awkward. Of course, he would, you rejected him. “What’s up?”
“Itadori,” you whimpered, voice cracking. Immediately, you cursed yourself for being this pathetic.
“A-are you o-okay? W-what happened?”
Bursting into tears once again, you only told him that you only needed help in shame after clearing your throat.
It took him barely fifteen minutes to arrive at the station to get you. You wiped your tears as soon as he came into your view. He was breathless, face beet red from running.
“You okay?” he asked in between breaths. “I ran here as fast as I could.”
He ran here.
Has anyone cared for you this much?
“Yeah, thank you and ahh, I… This is embarrassing… I twisted my ankle and needed help getting home.” You were never a good liar but you hoped he was gullible enough to believe it. “I know it’s weird to call you here but none of my friends would come if I called-”
“Ah, it’s no problem!” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and chuckled. He had been worried for nothing. “I can carry you, that’s what friends are for, right?!”
You nodded and bit your lip to prevent yourself from crying. He was too kind. Too similar to you.
“Want me to carry you on my back? Or like this?” He emphasized his words by holding his hands in front of himself to show you that he was offering to carry you bridal style.
“Yeah, that would be better.” You masked the shame with a fake smile. You were embarrassed that you were pathetic to ask him for help even after you rejected him earlier tonight.
He smiled and took a step closer towards the bench. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he slid his arm under the back of your knees and placed a hand on your back to support you as he lifted you up to take you home.
You were grateful that you had a friend like him in your life.
~~~
The next day Yuuji came to the coffee shop to take your offer from the last night about giving him a free coffee drink of his choice.
You served him his coffee with a smile and sat with him on one of the tables, talking about your day as he listened to you complain.
In the end, Sukuna was right, Yuuji realized.
Women were begging to be fucked. Women secretly wanted it and that was why you were acting indifferent after all that happened the day before.
He had been worried over nothing, besides, he needed to be more confident and assertive like everyone told him to be. Then he would get the girl. That was what every article he read online, all of his friends and people around him told him. That was what Sukuna told him.
“Wanna go get dinner after you close the place?” he asked, taking a mouthful of his coffee.
“I need to clean and it might take a long while-”
“I’ll help,” he replied, smiling. “Everything’s on me.”
How could you say no to that? How could you say no to anything he had to say?
In your eyes, he was the nicest guy in the world.
Were you really going to pass on the opportunity to have him in your life?
“It’s a date then?” You were grinning, cheeks flushing as you said it. Slowly, you placed your hand over his on the table.
Yuuji gave you a blank stare, something sinister sparkled deep within his eyes but you couldn’t see it. Unbeknownst to you, his other hand under the table had a mouth on it that had an unsettling grin on it too. It was funny how clueless you were. Nonetheless, Yuuji took your hand in his to give you a reassuring squeeze and made you blush harder before agreeing, “It’s a date.”
#idk if i should tag this with the characters tbh this was too dark for me...#i won't tag it cuz i don't want anyone reading this lmao anywayy#i know my endings suck but yeah <3#panda x munkey fic coming up next <333#anywayyyy going inactive again byeeee <3
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Present
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid/Latina OFC Sophie Cortes
Word Count: 4,598
Tags: 18+, NSFW, Voyeurism, Masturbation in shower, Sexting, Oral Sex, Dom/sub, Protected Sex, Established Aaron/Sophie
Summary: Sophie sends Aaron a sexy video while he’s away on a case, Spencer watches it, and smut ensues.
Collection: Part 1 of 5 of Present, Perfect, Patient, Promise, Pretend series
Note: This is a previously published work from A03, just moving it over to tumblr because I was thinking about it today. 🤤
Link to A03 or read below!
“I sprained my ankle. I’m not injured, not really. I can even walk on it,” Sophie assures as she pours them each a cup of coffee in the break room. She sets the carafe down, takes a step, wobbles, and Aaron catches her around the waist with a raised eyebrow of judgement. “Okay, so I can’t walk that well, but I can certainly sit in a conference room bouncing ideas around and drinking coffee. That’s all Rossi does, anyway.” He chuckles softly, knows she’s still… warming up, to Rossi and his idiosyncrasies.
“You know the rules.”
“Yeah, because we’re so good at following the rules,” she teases with a smirk, running her hands down his stomach, stopping at his belt. He looks over at the bullpen out of the corner of his eye, shoots her a warning look that makes her sigh and pull away.
“Think of it as choosing our battles,” he suggests, hoping that might get her back on track. “If you want to continue making out in my office, you have to stay here this one time.” She smiles, crooked, nods her head.
“Okay, when you put it that way, I’ll take the make outs.”
“I thought you might. Plus, you get to spend all day with Garcia. I figured that would be like a dream come true.”
“It is, definitely. It’s more the long, cold, nights that I’m worried about.” He sighs, because she’s being so dramatic, but he doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction of making him smile again. He can’t be looking as smitten and infatuated with her as he is all of the time. “I’m going to be so lonely.”
“Oh, I think you’ll manage without sex for a few nights,” he teases, and she looks scandalized, as if that wasn’t exactly what she was getting at.
“It’s not about sex, it’s about intimacy, comfort, sharing my bed with a big heavy man who scares away the bad dreams.” She grins lecherously and he prepares to roll his eyes. “And who has a dick that won't quit.”
“Like I said,” he enunciates, taking his travel mug of coffee for the road, “you’ll be fine for a few nights. If you do decide to touch yourself, though, make sure you send me a present,” he reminds her, because they aren’t separated often, but when they are, a couple of racy pictures or videos almost always exchange hands. He bends for a quick kiss on the lips, brushes her cheek. “I love you. Behave.”
“I love you,” she murmurs, all tenderness and no heat, now. “Be safe.”
Two days after taking the case, the team is on the jet for a night flight home. Spencer is tired, but he can’t sleep; JJ is stretched out on the couch, Morgan and Emily are slumped over in their seats up front with pillows and headphones, and Rossi has been snoring softly since they took off, so it’s just him and Hotch awake. They are in seats next to each other, Spencer by the window, because he knew he would be a little restless, and that Hotch wouldn’t sleep, so it seemed like the safest bet if he didn't want to disturb anyone’s rest.
He also enjoys the comforting presence of the older man, always, but especially in the calm, quiet atmosphere of the flight home.
He tries to listen to music, a podcast, but he eventually pauses it and just rests his eyes, his head, listens to Hotch as he flips pages or taps away at his phone. He’s probably texting Sophie, who’s home with a sprained ankle and who hasn’t stopped grumbling about it since. He smiles at the thought, likes when she’s comfortable enough to complain to him. Likes being someone she turns to.
He sighs. Feelings are complicated. Sometimes he hates being part of such a tight-knit team because it makes the things he feels all the more confusing, especially when the two objects of his (totally manageable) affection are in a relationship together; he feels like the odd man out, as always, can’t deny that it hurts sometimes.
He’s drifting in and out of the not quite asleep stage when he hears sound coming from Hotch’s phone, shuffling, ambiguous noises. He lifts his eyelids just slightly to see a video up on the screen, a wall that looks vaguely familiar, like a bathroom, maybe. There’s nothing particularly intriguing about that, but then he sees a pair of smooth, bare legs standing inside a bathtub and his interest is… piqued.
There’s another sound, unmistakably a shower being turned on, and then the woman—it is Sophie, no doubt; even if he can’t see her face, the tattoo on her forearm is easily identifiable—squats down, and she is so gloriously naked that he just… freezes. His body and his mind are suspended in a conflicting state of this is wrong, I shouldn’t be seeing this, and this is the best thing I’ve ever seen, and why is Hotch watching this right now, with me right next to him, and hnnng.
She pulls the shower head into view, lets it pour over her hair from what he can see of it, then down her breasts, her stomach, arms and legs; after that, she adjusts it to a stream that is harder and more controlled than one would typically use in the shower. He wonders why, thinks it could be uncomfortable, until she moves it to hover over her pussy, moaning softly, and then he really, really gets it.
His heart is racing as she runs her hand over her body, thumbing at her nipples, sighing at her own touch. She rocks back and forth a little so the stream of water hits her clit, then lower, between her lips, against her opening, and Spencer swallows hard.
“Mmm,” she sighs, and the sound goes straight through him; he feels himself getting hard as she murmurs, pressing her hand against the rim of the tub for leverage. “Mmm, yeah.” He can see that Hotch is breathing heavily next to him, eyes fixed on the screen. It’s too dark in the cabin to see his lap, but he knows he must be aching in his pants, too, wonders what it would be like if he reached out and touched him there.
Sophie is incredibly gorgeous as she works to reach her climax, bouncing lightly on her heels as the pressure builds, her moans longer and louder, but it’s when she stops moving and presses the shower head closer, directly over her clit, that he knows she’s almost ready to come.
“Oh, yeah, yeah,” she whines, pinching a nipple, arching her back, and her voice is high and breathy and addictive. He would give anything to be in the same room as those sounds, to pull her wet body close and help her get off. “Fuck, mmm,” she purrs, bringing the stream even closer, and she comes, short, loud moans that sound like they’re being ripped from her throat as her thighs shake, her chest heaves.
She drags a slow hand down her body, like she’s soothing herself, and then shudders, pulls the shower head away like maybe the pressure is too much where she’s sensitive. With a sigh, she reaches for the phone, tilts it so her face is in view, cheeks flushed and wet hair clinging to her shoulders. She turns up her lips in a coy smile. “See you soon.” The video ends.
It takes Hotch a moment to lock his phone, and he looks a little dazed when Spencer risks a glance up at his face—with good reason. If he was on the receiving end of videos like that, he would never be able to focus on anything.
The rest of the trip is quiet, certainly uneventful in comparison. Spencer makes a show of opening his eyes fully, stretching, thinks it would be too awkward now to admit he saw and heard every incredible second; Hotch looks over at him with an expression he can’t read, and then flips open a new case file.
When they land, he and Hotch are the last two to grab their bags, and Hotch brushes up against him in a way that feels purposeful, but is probably wishful thinking. “Do you have anything going on for the rest of the night?” he asks, and Spencer shakes his head.
“Nope, nothing.” Maybe masturbating—definitely masturbating—but he doesn’t need to know that. Hotch nods, thoughtful.
“You should come home with me.” Spencer looks at him with wide eyes.
“What?”
“We both know that you saw the video,” he says in a low, no nonsense tone that makes him gulp. “I told Sophie, and she seemed… interested in the prospect. So you should come home with me. If you want to.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—” Hotch raises a hand, halting his train of thought.
“I may have had a suspicion that you were awake when I chose to play the video, so don’t be so hard on yourself.” Spencer looks at his face, trying to determine if he’s saying what he thinks he’s saying. He did that on purpose? He knew that Spencer was watching? “No pressure, if you don’t want to come over. I would never want you to do something you don’t want to do.”
“I do want to… do… whatever it is we’re doing,” he rambles awkwardly, and Hotch chuckles.
“What we're doing is having sex. And I won’t touch you, or anything, if you don’t want that. It can be me and Sophie and you and Sophie.” Spencer swallows hard again, so turned on and breathless that it makes him feel bold.
“What if I do want you to touch me?” he asks, and Hotch leans in slowly, hot breath at his ear.
“Then I’m going to touch you.” When he pulls away, his fingers brush over Spencer’s jaw. “Do you want to come home with me?”
His answer is an emphatic yes.
Aaron is due home any minute, and Sophie is vibrating with nervous energy, puttering around the apartment in her robe, couldn’t sit still if she tried. She waits for him on nights he has to work late and can’t bring it home, sure, but it’s almost never like this, where they are apart for days on end. It’s seriously affecting not only her sex drive, but also her mental state, which she hadn’t expected; she feels clingy, needy already, wants to smell him and touch him and taste him and be caged in by him, and it’s frankly getting a little out of hand.
It doesn’t help, she guesses, that she sent that video, but she was horny and wanted his attention… and boy, did she get it, had several texts come through a couple of minutes after she sent it, all very sweet and dirty and good.
Then she saw one about Reid, wanted to be mortified, but she just… wasn’t.
A: So, Reid saw me watching your present.
S: Oh, really? Did he like it?
A: Yeah, he liked it.
A: I bet he’d come pretty quick if he got to see the real thing.
A: Touch you… taste you.
God, how can this calm, controlled man make her such a whimpering mess with just a couple of texts? It’s unfair, is what it is.
S: Maybe we should invite him over sometime.
S: I’ve seen him looking at you, too.
S: Imagine how pretty he would look between us.
That was about an hour ago, and the only thing she received in reply was a brief message letting her know they’d landed and that he was on the way home. She hopes she didn’t upset him, knows that he’s mentioned being interested in men but that he’s never slept with one, hopes she didn’t hit a sore spot. She promises herself they will talk about it when he gets home.
But when he gets home, he kisses her so deeply she feels faint. Her body is lit up in an instant, suddenly desperate for more of him.
“I brought you a present,” he says, so low and sexy, and she grins, breathless, wraps her arms around his neck.
“Ooh, you know I love presents. What is it?”
“It’s not a what, it’s a who,” Spencer says, then, from the open doorway, and she glances between them, bites at her bottom lip. He steps inside and closes the door.
Fuck.
“Hey, Spencer,” she greets, but she can hear the tremble in her voice when she does. He looks to Aaron, and Aaron reaches back, wraps a hand around his wrist, guides him closer.
“I told him what you said, about how pretty he would look between us. He happened to agree, so I figured, why wait?” He looks her over intently, like he’s making sure she’s okay with this.
She is so okay with this.
She wants to speak but she’s so out of breath, her heart beating so fast, that she just pulls him down for a kiss, messy and graceless, and then she reaches for Spencer’s shirt and pulls him close as well, doing the same. She takes turns kissing them, ten kisses each, probably, until Aaron pushes her back gently with a soft laugh.
“Easy, baby. He’s going to stay the night; we have time to go slow.” Her chest is heaving, and he walks around so he’s standing behind her, unties the sash of her robe, pulls it off to reveal the lacy black bra and panties she thought would be a sexy surprise.
He kind of outdid her in the surprise department, but she’ll forgive him this once.
He runs his hands over her panties, her stomach, her boobs, and she bends her neck back, arching up for his lips, moaning against them. Spencer approaches, a bit hesitant, puts his hands on her hips and kisses her exposed throat, her chest. She feels like she’s died and gone to heaven, two pairs of hands on her, two mouths, her body pressed between them tightly. She thinks offhand that she’s glad her ankle doesn’t hurt anymore, because she could stand between them all night long, if they keep this up, would be content to never move again.
Then one of Spencer’s beautiful, incredible hands slips down the front of her panties, and they stop kissing her to kiss each other, and she whimpers, and her knees give out anyway.
“So dramatic,” Aaron whispers teasingly in her ear as he holds her up, big hands on her body, and she shakes her head, wets her lips.
“Not being dramatic. This is so fucking sexy.” Spencer—apparently not worried about the fact that she almost collapsed on them because Aaron wasn’t—slides two fingers over the slippery wet lips of her pussy, and she groans. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to take all the attention,” she murmurs, moving her hips against his hand. “Kiss some more, please.” Spencer huffs a laugh and leans in, catches Aaron’s lips with his. From her point of view she can see the slide of their tongues, lips pressing together, and she groans again.
“If it’s okay with you,” Spencer says to her when they separate, “I would really like to eat your pussy now.” He kisses her softly on the cheek, and she exhales, shaky.
“Yeah, please—please do that.”
“I’ll hold you,” Aaron whispers, lips at her ear. “I’ll be right here, I promise.” She hums, leans back against him, and Spencer drops to his knees, guides her panties down. She’s so wet there’s slick on the insides of her thighs, and when he lifts one leg to hook her knee around his shoulder, he licks it away. She shudders.
She feels like she should have known how hot and skillful his mouth would be, because he talks so fast sometimes that his brain—his incredibly high-functioning brain—can’t even keep up, and she usually finds his mouth cute, but right now she finds it sexy, will probably never be able to look at it without thinking of the way he feels with his tongue in her pussy.
He is very enthusiastic, licking her quick and deep, with one hand on her waist and the other rubbing her clit like he’s got a PhD in bringing girls to orgasm, and she knows she’s moaning like a slut, gets even louder when Aaron bites at her earlobe, kisses her neck, squeezes her breasts. “Fuck, oh fuck, yeah,” she pants, reaches a hand down to wrap it in Spencer’s hair, making him groan; she rocks against his delicious mouth, which he encourages, moving his hand to her ass and guiding her closer.
“Come for him, baby,” Aaron urges, hand inside the cup of her bra to pinch her nipple. “Isn’t he pretty, down on his knees for you?” She drops her head back against him, brings a hand to his hair, too.
“So pretty.” He stoops down to kiss her as best as he can, and Spencer’s looking up at them, gorgeous, and she comes tugging on both of them, panting into Aaron’s mouth.
When Spencer stands up and kisses her, mouth soft and wet after working her through her orgasm, and then Aaron leans in to taste both of them on her lips? It’s a wonder she doesn’t get weak in the knees again.
Sophie is soft and pliant after she comes, clinging onto them, and Aaron lifts her into his arms and carries her to the bedroom, Spencer following closely behind. He sets her on the bed, unhooks her bra and pulls it off; Spencer watches closely as he does, kneels down to kiss her, brush his hands over her bare breasts, and she sighs at the treatment.
“What do you want to do?” Aaron asks them, getting down on his knees as well, and he kisses them, thrills at the similarities in their soft lips, soft skin.
“I wanna suck you both,” she says, and he touches her face gently.
“Are you sure you’re up for that? You look a little fuzzy.” He didn’t think that she would get submissive so quickly, since he hadn’t actually dominated her, but can see how feeling at the mercy of two men might make her go to that place; he just wants to make sure he does what’s best for her while she’s there.
“Might not be able to get you off, but I want them in my mouth. Can I?” She looks up at him, then at Spencer, who swallows visibly. Aaron gave him a little insight on the way there about how they normally interact with each other, how she likes to ask for permission and he likes to give it—or deny it, depending.
(Aaron Hotchner’s crash course on having a submissive girlfriend—he might have to find a way to monetize that, somehow.)
“You can, for a couple minutes. Then what do you want?” He looks to Spencer to see if he has anything in mind.
“I don’t—I’ve never done this,” he says quietly, and he and Sophie both touch him, and she nuzzles against his shoulder.
“Neither have we, it’s okay. You want to, though?” He looks at them with soft, open eyes, and nods without hesitation.
“Yeah, I want to.” Aaron takes his face in his hands, kisses him deeply.
“Okay, good. Sophie,” he says softly, touches her face too, “do you think you would be alright being with both of us at the same time?” She licks her lips and frowns a little like she’s confused.
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe we could lay you down, and one of us could be inside your pussy, and one of us could be inside your mouth. I’ll take your mouth,” he decides quickly, because she doesn’t like it too fast or rough and he knows her limits, doesn’t want to hurt or overwhelm her. “You’ll be full of us, baby. Do you think you want that?” She closes her eyes, nods, and Spencer touches her throat with long, gentle fingers.
“You’d give us that?” he asks like he’s in awe, and Aaron gets it, knows how much it means that she trusts them with something like this. “You’re incredible, Sophie,” he murmurs against her lips, and she sighs, pulls him closer.
Watching them make out is a very enjoyable thing, made all the more so when he decides to come up behind Spencer to unbutton his pants, untuck his shirt. The younger man moans at the feel of his hands helping him undress, and he presses back against Aaron’s chest, panting and eager. He guides him to stand, gets him naked, and wraps a hand around his long, hard cock, stroking it a couple times.
“You want her mouth on you while I get undressed?” he asks, and Spencer bucks up into his hand, nods quickly. Sophie reaches for him, pulling him closer, and she licks at the head, moans. “Gently,” he murmurs in Spencer’s ear, “let her be in control.” He nods seriously, presses a hand to Sophie’s cheek when she takes him in.
Between the two of them, their moans are so filthy, wanton, that he craves the heat of their mouths, so he captures Spencer’s in a kiss when he can, pulling off his clothes slowly so they can enjoy the time together. “Sophie,” Spencer murmurs, and she looks up at him, and Aaron’s arms around him, and whines. She pulls off of him, licks her lips looking hungry.
“I’m ready for you guys.” The simple sentence makes his dick throb, and he lays her back on the bed, kisses her soft and sweet and slow. Spencer curls around them, kisses them and rubs his hands over their bare skin.
“Spencer, can you get in that drawer and take out a condom?” he has presence of mind to ask, glad that the ones they have should fit him, and he stretches up, all long, lithe muscles, grabs one and tears the wrapper open, rolling it on. Neither Aaron nor Sophie can take their eyes off of him, and when he’s finished, Aaron moves out of his way so he can settle between her legs. She hitches up her knees, and he knows first hand how inviting that can be, understands completely when he shivers with pleasure.
Aaron kisses Sophie a few more times, whispers sweet, loving words into her ear, and then he crawls up by her head, the tip of his dick at the same level as her mouth.
“Are you okay, baby?” he asks, running his hands over her breasts, and she nods, puts her hands on Spencer’s hips and pulls him closer until he is fully sheathed inside her; he keeps still, panting, and Aaron leads forward to brush his hair back. “You’re so gorgeous, Spencer,” he coos, and then he presses into Sophie's mouth, sighs.
She takes him in hand, guiding him in and out at a pace she’s comfortable with, so he just lets her take the lead and runs his hands over her body, Spencer’s fingers where they press against her thighs. He is pumping into her deeply now, an easy rhythm Sophie matches with her hand, and the room is filled with a symphony of soft, wet sounds and moans and hums that Aaron doesn’t think he’ll ever forget.
He is wholly unsurprised when he is the first to come, because watching Spencer’s hips move against her, his hands careful where he holds her down, and feeling her moan around his cock because she loves feeling full, it’s all too much for him. He spills with a groan, and Spencer watches his face like it’s art, which makes him feel warm in his chest. Something to explore at a later time.
Sophie lets go of him, panting, and he slides down to his belly so he can kiss her mouth, caress her. He looks up at Spencer, who appears to be trying so hard not to come, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip, and he rubs Sophie’s clit to help get her close, so he’ll stop trying so hard and just let himself feel good.
“Oh, god,” Sophie whines, brings her hands up to squeeze hard at her breasts. “This is good, so good, mmm.” She starts bucking hard against him, her neck stretched long, and he knows the instant she comes, her mouth opening in a wordless moan before she all but howls her pleasure. Spencer groans, shifts his legs a little so he’s hovering over the both of them, and he thrusts for a few more seconds before finding his own orgasm. “Hmm, yes,” Sophie sighs, and he kisses her slowly, passionately; Aaron rubs both of their bodies as they shiver with aftershocks, and they all sink into the mattress, deeply spent.
They cuddle together for a few minutes, until Sophie complains she has to pee, and she and Spencer go into the bathroom together to take care of business. Aaron runs a hand through his hair and exhales long, because this is the absolute last thing he expected to happen, while also being one of the most unforgettable nights of his life; he knows they’ll look to him for guidance about what to do next, and he’s really not sure what to say when they do.
When they amble back into the room, they’re both smiling softly, and Aaron smiles because he can’t help it. They climb back onto the bed, Spencer in the middle, though Sophie reaches across him to rub at the hair on Aaron’s chest.
“So that’s a thing that happened,” Sophie says eventually, propped up on her elbow, looking over at their two blissed out faces with nothing short of affection. “Is it a thing that’s going to happen again, or a thing we swear up and down didn’t happen?—No pressure, only asking so I know how to compartmentalize my many, many thoughts.”
Aaron looks to Spencer and can’t help but feel like there’s something more worth exploring, there. He thinks Spencer feels the same when he pulls him in for a tender kiss.
“I think it should happen again,” Spencer murmurs, and Sophie leans down to kiss him too.
“Yeah, it should happen again.” Aaron sits up, smiles at his girl, guides her mouth to his.
“Okay, then.” They kiss again, easy, sweet, and he breathes a laugh. “We owe you for this, you know: you and your little shower performance.”
“Oscar worthy,” Spencer says with a grin, and Sophie shoves him playfully.
“Hey, a girl has needs.”
“And we’ll help you meet them,” Aaron promises, running a hand suggestively along her body, and she covers it with hers.
“No way. I’m tapped out, buddy. Unless I get sleep or pizza, no more sex from me tonight.” Aaron feigns hurt, pulls away, flops onto his back with an exaggerated sigh, and she crawls past Spencer to straddle his waist. “So dramatic,” she teases, leans down for a kiss, then climbs off the bed altogether. “I’m good with pizza—I don’t want to go to sleep just yet, not when I’ve got two pretty boys in my bed.”
“I second pizza,” Spencer murmurs, his face pressed against Aaron’s bicep. Sophie pauses in the doorway, a thoughtful look on her face.
“Do you think they’ll do a third veggie, and a third pepperoni, and a third Hawaiian? Or am I gonna have to order two pizzas?” She comes back over to the bed, kisses them both soft, affectionate, and smiles. “Always complicating things, Spencer Reid.”
#aaron hotchner x original female character#hotch x original female character#latina original female character#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner fanfic#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x female reader#hotch x female reader#hotch x reader#spencer reid x original female character#aaron hotchner x spencer reid#aaron hotchner x spencer reid x original female character#spencer reid x reader
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Using Loop earplugs as an autistic person with sensory sensitivities
Hello again. I said I would write a post after using Loop experience earplugs for a week to combat auditory sensory overload/ auditory processing disorder. In fact I said I would do it day by day. That was a fuckin lie.
Anyway, I am sure nobody has been waiting desperately these past weeks for me to post but I apologise anyhow. Here’s my thoughts: (DISCLAIMER: I am not being sponsored by Loop nor do I claim all of this to be completely accurate or a conclusion for ALL NDs - just my observations and opinions)
I can suddenly concentrate on a task for much longer periods of time since my environment is suddenly more internal. I hear less background noise and the buzz of electrical appliances disappears. I get into a hyperfocus mode. Now I don’t have to get distracted by music from headphones in attempts to block out noise.
Suddenly I don’t CRAVE music as much as I used to, especially on public transport, I can actually sit on a train and not feel like the world is trying to invade my ears (though, on a bad sensory day I will actually wear Loop as well as headphones with music blasting - DIY noise-cancelling headphones I guess)
I for some reason thought that these would isolate the sounds/frequencies that cause me stress but that was very silly of me as they simply turn the volume down. Meaning I can still hear everything including the noises that cause me overstimulation BUT they are useful because it isn’t as intense and I can still be aware of my surroundings.
I actually hate things being in my ears so wearing these for long periods of time start to feel uncomfortable and restricting, I actually feel weird not being able to hear at full volume sometimes (as tiring as it is).
This is no good for 1-to-1 conversations (imo, although I have heard opposite!), as much as I try to avoid them, I am working in an office and I have to. I have APD so this makes trying to interpret dialogue even harder. I have to remove one plug out of my ear and leave the other one in, theres a kind of balance to blocking out the background and listening to the person in conversation - not always effective but it will do.
Great for sleep! I thought this would be really uncomfortable because 1) sleeping on metal earrings and stuff usually hurts my ears in the morning and 2) don’t like things in my ears!! But if you have a nice squishy pillow you shouldn’t feel them. I was staying at my partners when testing them out and he lives on a really noisy street, usually keeps me up all night. I had a good night’s sleep for once lol
When I feel a meltdown coming on, these are great to just focus my internal self. When wearing them, I can suddenly hear every bodily function that is happening (breathing, swallowing, pulse etc) this really gets me to focus on regulating my breathing as well as blocking out the noise causing the meltdown.
I keep misplacing them :( I even lost the case for them so if you are ADHD like me, prepare to treat them like your favourite object.
They look like cool earrings (I have the gold ones) lots of people mention them/ ask what they are. I suppose they appear less “rude” as wearing headphones in social settings.
I would highly recommend them to anyone with audio sensitivities but just a disclaimer that they will not cure sensitivities, just take the edge off. I think they are overpriced for what they are as they are pretty low-tech. From this I have learnt that maybe this was an attempt to perceive (auditorily) as an NT, but this simply isn’t the case. I actually highly appreciate my sensitivities after this and realise there is no “fix” for being autistic. I’m glad I have at least found a way to combat heavy days.
#actually autistic#autism#auditory processing disorder#loop earplugs#sound sensitivity#Actually ADHD#adhd#actually neurodivergent#neurodivergent
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