#I mostly stick around because I should really get this house cleaned up for the person I want to leave it to

[not-so-allegiant-general]

Demon @huxloween

"Get lost warlock!"

Hux sighed tired, looking at three kids throwing rocks at his perfectly clean door.

"It never occurred to you that if i am a warlock i can summon a demon and order him to eat you?" He snorted annoyed. Kids froze frightened and run.

"It's not really helping your reputation Armitage. Scaring little kids. "

"I don't care, Phasma."

"Maybe you will start when they decide to hang you.?"

"Get lost, witch." Phasma laughed.

"I have to go but expect me in a few days."

"Heading to meet your coven?"

"Very funny. You will get yourself killed one day Hux. Just don't get in troubles."

His troubles took a form of marvellous man who appeared at his door one night and asked for a shelter.

"You can sleep on the ground. Or somewhere. Not the comfiest place but… "

"At least it's mostly dry." man laughed. " the rain took me by surprise. Thank you." He sat down close to the fire.

"Although i should warn you that if you are a decent man you should knock to another house." Stranger laughed.

"And why is that?"

"I have a reputation of a warlock here. People will hate you only because you were seen with me." Man nodded still amused.

"And are you?"

"What?"

"A warlock?"

"What? Of course not. I am just… Not friendly and i build… Things they think involved magic. But it's not true. "

"So you are an…inventor?"

"Something like that, yes. And you ? Who are you? " his eyes narrowed.

" Since i am not decent?" Man chuckled. "I am… Hm a traveller. I talk to people and…

"Tell me you are not a priest." Man laughed again.

"Ah… Unfortunately i think you can call me that. I was some kind of priest, Yes."

"There is a church here, go there then."

"Not interested. I was kinda banished from there," that caught Hux attention.

"From church?"

"Yeah."

"For what? You were sleepy and started speaking in Latin backwards?"

"You are hilarious." Man chuckled again looking at Hux. And there was something in that look that got Hux thinking...

"How munch of an indecent man are you?"

"Not going to kill you in sleep if you are worried about that…"

"Right." He was watching as man stood up and leaned closer to him.

" i don't mind sharing a bed either." That was it. Hux kissed him. It was a good kiss. Great even.

"Fuck." He swallowed and pulled him into the bedroom. "What's your name?"

"Kylo." He kissed him and Hux moaned softly "and yours?" He asked pushing them on the bed.

"Armitage." He tilted his head and close his eyes. "Ow… Fucking hell..what kind of the priest do that..?" Kylo grinned kissing his thigh.

"A bad one?"

Hux was melting. To tell that Kylo was good was like tell nothing. He was depraved. In the best way. Hux had a few encounters with some men, but they were at best mediocre. This. This was something else.

"Welcome back, gorgeous…" Kylo said and bit his neck. Hux hissed.

"Demon." Kylo laughed kissing him.

"At your command, warlock." Hux gigled and laid on him.

"A perfect pair.." he sighed hoping that Kylo can stick around for a while.

*******

"Please let me handle this."

"They will kill you." Hux glanced at the window. He backed off quickly when a rock crushed the glass "Fuck… Fuck. Phasma was right. She was always right i should have ran long time ago."

"Hush. It's your home. I will handle it."

"No. Kylo wait!" Kylo was at the door he opened them and faced a few angry men.

"I will kill you demon!"

"You will not kill me." Kylo's voice was smooth and calm. Hux shivered. "Nor this man."

"We will not kill you nor this man"

"You will go away and leave him alone. He is a decent man. You respect him"

"He is a decent man. We respect him. We will leave. " Kylo closed the door slowly and glanced at Hux. Redhead was standing at the other part of the house with back pressed to the wall and daggers in both hands.

"I can explain."

"You better." Hux hissed.

"I… Wait. Is that silver, mister i-am-not-a-warlock?" Kylo smiled smugly.

"I am exceptional in throwing them so better start explaining. And better that be damn good explanation"

"How did you obtained silver daggers Armitage-not-a-warlock"

"Oh shut up already. I am an alchemist alright? Not. A. Warlock" Kylo laughed.

"Lovely. I am. Warlock. I mean." Hux blinked.

"There is no such thing."

"Please… " Hux dropped his daggers slowly.

"So not a demon."

Kylo chuckled. "No. Not a demon. Just mere warlock with a demon master. That's fine for you?"

"I guess… You did save my life…are they… "

"Not going to be back any time soon." Hux sighed and sat down slowly.

"Did you do this thing on me ?"

"Oh no… No its only working on weak minds anyway" Hux laughed.

"Flattery it's not going to help you, warlock."

Kylo must have catch amusement in his eyes because he frowned.

"What kind of alchemist are you? "He asked taking a step back. But Hux was already behind him.

"A dead one." He whispered into his ear and smiled widely.

*Later in demon Snoke chamber.*

"I see that you already met my new servant, Kylo."

"Yes" Kylo huffed looking at Hux with disdain "He fucked me, acted like damsel in distress, scare the shit out of me and then fucked me again"

Hux chuckled and Snoke burst in laugh.

"In my defense, master" Armitage spoke proudly and leaned on Kylo "He loved every second of that" he purred.

#kylux #armitage hux #kylo ren #huxloween #oh that was fun to write

[sansofhumor]

I was sick again last night, and, like always, had skelebro thoughts. This is getting pavlovian lol.

CW: illness, magic vomit, and dissociation oh and uhhh weirdess about eating. It's not an ED, but figured I should warn for similar themes possibly.

Otherwise, it's just a stream of consciousness ficlet... don't mind the tense changes.

Papyrus wasn't sleeping so it would be inaccurate to say he'd been woken up by the noises in the bathroom down the hall. As it was, he stopped staring at his ceiling and blinked himself back, taking in his room: the action figures, his desktop, his bookshelf, his closet.

Color was easy. A red book cover, the cape on Action Guy, the red border of flame on his carpet. The red finish on his car bed.

Texture came next. The hard sides of his computer, the hard wood of his door, the hard bones of his attack box.

He always skipped taste and smell—he's a skeleton, and he kept his room much too clean for that.

Hearing. The buzz of electricity humming through the house. The muffled stumbling in the bathroom.

He sighs and swings his legs out of his bed mentally resets his counter back to zero. He leaves his room and skips the bathroom, taking the stairs to the kitchen instead. He grabs a glass of water and a new packet of tasteless little crackers even though Sans is bound to have a half a dozen open packets leaving crumbs all over his room. On the way back he grabs a spare blanket.

"Aw geeze, did I wake you?" Sans asks, in between shallow breaths. He's sitting on the tile, back to the shower. The little under sink cabinet is open like he'd grabbed it for leverage.

"I wasn't sleeping." Sans winces, and Papyrus can tell mostly from experience that it's more about Papyrus not sleeping than his volume.

Papyrus puts the glass and crackers on the sink counter and drapes the blanket over Sans' shoulders. He looks smaller under the blanket.

"You don't gotta stay," his brother says, like he says everytime. If Papyrus had eyes he would roll them out of his head. Sometimes he thinks they're backwards, the both of them. Sans hates when Papyrus gets sick, can barely stick around to get him something to drink. Papyrus supposes that's what he gets for getting sick so much less now.

"You'll feel better, if you drink the water," he says instead of anything else. It's not really a lie, even if Sans will definitely feel worse at first. His brother heaves a great sigh and reaches for the water, then takes small, hesitant sips. Papyrus keeps his hand on Sans' back.

"You can say it," Sans says, after taking the world's smallest amount of liquid. Even that much makes him wince as his body absorbs it.

"I told you so," Papyrus says, cheerfully. It's their running joke. I told you not to go eating at Grillby's. I warned you about the grease, bro! Sans gets to play his part so much less often now, but sometimes Undyne has a new recipe to try that Papyrus knows is going to upset the delicate nature of his skeletal magic matrix and he eats it anyways because Undyne is a very good friend and also, Papyrus is much better with his diet so sometimes it only hurts a little.

He guesses Sans is the same, he just has more friends.

Sans' eye lights have fuzzed out, a gaussian blur hazing their normally pointed stare. He's made of bone, so he can't quite go pale, but the sticky, cold sweat slime of illness beads up enough Papyrus can tell he's not doing as well as he was three seconds ago.

Papyrus helps prop him up, close enough Sans can lean over the toilet even with his wobbly frame. Papyrus doubts Sans drank enough water to help at this part, so he rubs small circles against Sans' spine and when his brother dry heaves with a miserable little sound Papyrus pats his back like he's trying to get the last bit of sauce out of a can.

They're skeletons, so they absorb magic very easily when they eat. But they're also skeletons, so there are some things they can't process like other monsters. Papyrus isn't sure why or what process is different. He just knows that heavy, rich foods make him and his brother ill. And non magic food is worse. Maybe it's too much and too little magic intent, maybe they were just made wrong.

Sans had kept a little notebook, when they were younger, of all the things that made Papyrus ill after eating. It'd grated on Sans, who would go out of his way to find something new and exciting and fun to eat for once, and have Papyrus squalling afterwards in a disconnected and pained haze. Sans didn't like keeping him on a bland low-magic diet. Sometimes they didn't have the opportunity to be picky about their foods anyways.

Sans never had been, and maybe, Papyrus thinks, that's a habit his brother can't break now that they're grown and whatever delicateness Papyrus has had to build diet around has caught up to him. If Sans weren't so used to eating whatever Papyrus couldn't when they were kids would he be better at sticking to the bland or overcooked low magic foods he needed?

Papyrus uses a corner of the blanket to mop up the slime from Sans' brow and leans him back. He grabs the water again when he sees nothing had made it into the toilet and makes Sans drink more than a shaky kitten's sip.

Sans mumbles something a little too quiet for Papyrus to hear—by design, because Sans' eye lights are more focused now, and the slime is drying on it's own. That doesn't really matter, Papyrus has known his brother for long enough he can identify the self-deprecating tone merely from counting how many beats it's been since he opened the bathroom door.

He wishes Sans would take better care of himself. But Papyrus is always going to be there, so it's okay that Sans doesn't, sometimes. Papyrus is always proud of himself, or tries to be, but in these moments it's always easier. He may be loud, and stubborn, and too optimistic for his own good, but that's exactly why he can help Sans. He doesn't ever startle his brother, because he's loud. He never let's Sans get away with crawling into a metaphorical hole because Papyrus will out stubborn him. And he'll keep doing it, repeating this bittersweet, backwards nostalgic cycle because he's optimistic enough to think it helps.

He's hopeful that one day Sans'll get better, either at remembering his own limits and needs or magically recovering from—well. Everything. But it doesn't matter if he ever does, really.

Papyrus can feel it under his hand before Sans even makes a noise, so he has his brother leaned over the toilet again when he heaves suddenly. This time refuse magic hits the bowl with a splash and Sans makes that startled noise which means it decided to expel itself in every inconvenient way.

Papyrus uses his advantageously long arms to grab a hand towel and waits until Sans' shoulders are shaking less, before pulling him back up a bit.

"Gross," Sans says, and Papyrus has to agree, because somehow the greenish mix of Sans' magic has found its way through his nasal holes, and his eyes. Papyrus offers the towel and Sans takes it, wiping roughly at the magic splattered on him.

Papyrus waits to see if another fit will crash into his brother's frame. Sans just breathes. At some point Papyrus realizes Sans' breath has fallen into a deep and regular pattern, and Papyrus lets his relief relax his tense posture.

Sometimes these fits can take hours to resolve, all night even, into the artifical light of morning. Those times are the worst, because Papyrus has to leave for the sentry job and he knows Sans just crawls into the shower and runs the tap until he either gets enough energy to make it back to his bed or Papyrus finds him sleeping, waterlogged, in the tub.

Papyrus cleans Sans' face with a new towel, catching the many spots Sans missed. He wraps Sans up in the blanket and lifts him up in his arms. It recalls a vaguely mirrored memory in him, a time when Sans used to be taller than him and would swaddle him in the closest thing to a baby blanket he could find.

Papyrus deposits Sans in his room, giving into the urge to tidy just enough that the mattress actually looks like a mattress and not a junk yard. He shuts the door behind him, goes back to the bathroom and when he blinks again the bathroom is blindingly clean and the stink of bleach is almost over powering. He starts to count—white tiles, white light, white towels, black shadows in the corners like ink staining paper—realizes he's better off somewhere he hadn't just scoured clean to within an inch of it's life, and steps out of the bathroom, into the hall, and back into his room.

He's definitely not sleeping.

Sans can sleep well enough for the both of them.

Papyrus wakes up his computer and opens the undernet, typing slowly into the search engine. He finds a pencil from somewhere and a piece of paper. He resolves to, at some point, get a notebook.

He finds a little mommy-cooking blog that hasn't been updated in awhile, with simple recipes. He taps the pencil lightly against the paper as he scrolls through and reads and writes.

#i dont have a pun for writing #skelebros #papyrus #papyrus undertale #sans #sans undertale #sickness cw #illness cw #vomit cw #emetephobia tw #?? #fic #uh..... #GOSH FINALLY #updated the app and it gave me back readmore

[scary-lasagna]

I just need some little hcs of Liu and Jeff as kids, if you have time. I see so many imagines of them as adults, and don't get me wrong,I love reading those as well, but I'd just like to know what they were like as kids before all that shit happened. Besides some of my personal hcs, I'd love to know some of yours as well. You are my favorite writer <3 Take care of yourself!

Here's a childhood memory fic and Jeff sleep talking in a shared room with Liu

I'm very honored to be your favorite writer!! <3

Jeff & Liu: The early years

Jeff and Liu's parents were away often on their business trips, one could also go as far as calling it neglect.

They were dropped off at their Aunt's house, and their grandparents, and their parent's friends, forever hopping houses every three or so weeks.

Not once did Jeff see their parents show any kind of affection toward each other, it was like they were in business partnership with the exception of making breakfast and dinner whenever they were home.

So Jeff and Liu were completely dependent on each other for affection, learning basic things, doing homework, and cleaning the house. Y'know things that parents should be doing.

They often cuddled up under blankets together with a movie during the night, and reminded each other their bed times, and after getting in bed getting in a heated discussion about their new favorite superhero vs a shark-bear.

They were very close growing up, but as the trauma set in from neglect and resentment toward their parents, they grew apart when their teenage years started.

But before then, they knew how to make their own fun.

Hitting tree's with sticks acting as swords, splashing in streams, accidentally causing trouble at a nearby gas station. No one really cared what they did except their Auntie Jermma who was very strict with them whenever she pried her eyes away from her cigarette box.

Some little adventures included befriending a dog and trying to feed it cheetos, learning how to make pizza at ages 6 and 7, breaking a vase and gluing it back together and their parents never found out.

But one time, they were out in the backwoods, so deep that the daylight turned to dusk with the amount of tree's overbearing them.

Liu said he saw something weird in between the trees, and Jeff said to go investigate.

Truth is, Jeff was scared it was a bear and didn't want to get any closer. Liu was too, matter of fact. He side shuffled to get a better look at the creature, and screamed bloody murder when he did get a glimpse at the demon.

Liu turned, tripped, and broke his ankle on a sneaky root behind him.

But when Jeff looked, there was nothing there, and Liu was a blabbering mess between recounting the terrifying creature he saw and the pain from his broken ankle.

Jeff tried his best to console him, but ended up giving him a piggy back home while he sobbed the whole way there.

Liu knows what he saw to this day, and he knows why Jeff didn't see it, too. Fate was set out from when they were just a young age, and it wasn't fair to have their destiny's played like puppets.

Jeff helped Liu the whole time his ankle was healing, mostly out of the good of his heart, and also because his parent's weren't around to want to take care of their injured child.

Once they were old enough, they were allowed to live alone while Mr. and Mrs. Woods left for trips. They cooked, cleaned, and turned on the porch light every night on their own.

And nights were lonely, and Jeff often climbed into Liu's bed crying, wondering why all of his friends at school had parent's at parent teacher conferences, and recitals, and field trips.

It was a burning jealously that made him weep.

#jeffery woods #jeff the killer #liu woods #sully woods #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta imagines #creepypasta blog #creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #platonic #familial love #brothers

[yifftwiceplz]

rambling about daves timeline under the cut

this info has been touched on but a little more in depth

so i couldn't decide what age dave i wanted to RP and came up with some weird bullshit to be able to jump around impulsively but i have a general timeline for my dave

16-17: beats sburb, moves onto earth c. i DONT care about the endless isekai plot i want my boys to be happy B( i support anyone strong enough to stick with it, but personally i am rewriting it in my head the strilondes move into a duplex with roxy and rose on one side, dave and dirk on the other side. they do this because it seems like the healthiest option for all of them to live with their siblings and help each other grow and heal

dirk and dave have a lot of shit to work out both with dirk's chronic isolation and impossible standards for himself, and dave having been raised by a basement dwelling abusive dick. it's a little rocky at first especially with dirk's messiness and dave's clinginess but they push through and the strength of their relationship grows

neither of them has a job at first but they both piddle around with comics, youtube channels, and side projects until they both start messing with crypto scams. namely scamming crypto bros out of their money. it's around this point where they somehow get the rights to interdimensional twitter, which is a silly meaningless side plot but a fun one.

i probably won't play him at this age too much, but if i do the main things to look out for would be that he rambles way more and makes weird run-on sentences, like a full paragraph of metaphors, and still lives with dirk / the fam. he's also quite scrawny and still wears his god tier jammies most of the time.

around 22-23: dave moves into a house with karkat, funded by dave's youtube channel, karkat's job as a marriage counselor, and help from dirk, who's sad to not be living with his bro anymore but is very supportive and pointlessly rich.

he's at home pretty much 24/7, just casually working on youtube videos, comics, whatever he wants really. karkat is fine with being the breadwinner and household leader, dave is fine with being bossed around and he likes to clean. he has very few priorities to deal with so he does what he wants (mostly troll you all here)

this is his current "real time" age, around 25, so after he's lived with karkat a couple years already. he doesn't ramble as much, usually in a good mood and lets things roll off his back. he is also chunkier and doesn't wear his god tier outfit much anymore; he got tired of the style. he does still wear the pants around the house.

around 30 is when dave really makes a name for himself on youtube and makes his first movie, which is relatively low-budget and simple. his career kind of explodes from that point and by 35 he's in the middle of making his second movie, which is a genuine hollywood affair. he loses quite a bit of weight due to stress / being busy, usually has a 5 oclock shadow, and his outfits are usually pretty dumpy (unless it's a premiere or a press tour).

he and karkat are mostly long distance at this point, which dave stresses about more than he should. karkat is fine letting dave do his thing, but dave is beginning to overthink the fact he's going to far outlive karkat. he eventually decides to bring dirk on, which he was reluctant to do because dirk really needs to work less and get out more. but dave accepts he needs help and dirk is the only guy who can do the job properly. and dirk is happy to live his childhood fantasy of being on set with his bro

things to look out for would be his hair has a nice fade, he wears his shades less, he's usually scrawny (unless he's on break back home to be re-fattened by karkat), and he uses punctuation/rambles less

he's really busy most of the time so until i get some more things worked out he's like a little old man treat that i sprinkle to you guys like goldfish pellets in a pond of giant koi

around 40 is tbd but chunky hairy homebody dilf-with-no-kid dave supremacy.

#editor's note #lore tag tbn #weight stuff is because of editor's own fluctuating weight #around 40 is when he stops actually ageing sorry to the god tier keeping you young forever deal #i want to see that man old and grizzled and domesticated

[screechthemighty]

No one asked but I’m stalling on going to bed so here’s the ideas I had for a God of War/PJO crossover. It’s really lengthy, apologies for that in advance, lol.

So basically most of the events of the Greece Era happen, like Kratos having beef with Ares, temporarily becoming the God of War, etc. etc. There are two big differences, though:

Ares and the handful of other gods/entities Kratos is able to kill don’t like DIE-die. As in PJO canon, they kind of stick around in Dumb Idiot Jail in Tartarus re-forming.

Kratos’s ultimate rebellion against the gods is unsuccessful, so he doesn’t end up murdering the entire pantheon. Like, he kicks the shit out of them, but at some point before things get TOO bad (probably early GoW3 timeline) he gets kicked into Hades and it sticks...for a little while.

The whole thing was viewed as a big cringe moment for the pantheon, who worked really hard to erase any mention of Kratos from the narrative, and re-instated Ares when he reformed fully. This experience did not humble him nearly as much as it should have.

Kratos, meanwhile, keeps making jailbreak after jailbreak out of Hades, never getting very far every time, each subsequent failure forcing him more and more to think about his life and his choices and realize that while the gods do suck and did screw him over, he also had some culpability. This existential crisis follows him on his last jailbreak, which almost went unnoticed purely because he didn’t actively go after the pantheon. Instead he just kind of wandered around for a while, trying to figure out how to live with himself.

Eventually his wanderings lead him to, of all places, rural Massachusetts, and a mysterious redheaded woman. You can see where this is going. Kratos eventually tries to start over with Faye, but being a demigod-turned-god means that he does still have the eyes of Olympus on him. Even though he keeps his nose clean and his head down and doesn’t cause trouble for years, he knows deep down that they could find him at any time.

Then Faye finds out she’s pregnant. Suddenly the whole I’m a fugitive in a big way thing becomes a lot more of a pressing issue. Kratos puts some feelers out, under the guise of listen I’m tired of hiding, can we just work this out, but pointedly not mentioning Faye or Atreus. Athena has had some time to think about how things went down, too. She’s leery of Kratos’s whole existence, but she’s also logical. He hasn’t caused trouble in decades, he’s reaching out for diplomacy instead of stabbing things/people, has zero (0) interest in joining the pantheon again, and honestly she didn’t exactly do right by him back in the day, so she owes him a favor. It takes a lot of convincing, arguing, so on, but fortunately, the rest of the pantheon has changed, too...or at least wised up to the fact that killing this dude has literally never worked out in their favor and trying again after all this time would probably have the same or a worse result. So, it’s option #2.

Parole, effectively. You say you’ve changed, prove it. Pass on all that wisdom you’ve learned and show that you don’t resent the gods anymore...at the camp for their kids.

This is how Kratos ends up the best/worst combat instructor at Camp Half-Blood. None of the campers know what his deal is, just that he’s kind of scary but usually fair. The Ares kids seem to have a gut instinct to both bully the shit out of him and avoid him at all costs, which leads to a...very interesting dynamic. He gets along best with the Athena kids and the Hermes cabin. He and Dionysius tolerate each other, barely. Shockingly, he and Chiron end up getting along fairly decently? It’s a similar flavor to his relationship with Mimir.

They make him wear the chains around the camp, as a reminder. He’s not actually allowed to handle weapons--just the wooden practice ones--but the Blades of Chaos are in his living space in The Big House. It’s mostly because he can’t get rid of them, but eventually he made a point of hanging them up above his desk, just to make a point. I’m playing nice for now, but we all know what happened the last time you pushed me too hard. Don’t test me with this.

He’s technically supposed to be at the camp most of the year. Technically. Kratos does sneak out to see his family whenever he can, which leads to the physical and emotional absence between him and Atreus. Atreus still doesn’t know about his godhood. Faye is still keeping secrets. They still try to make it work.

The Lightning Thief happens more or less as usual, with the addition of Kratos heavy sighing in the background. He starts laughing when Percy gets claimed by Posiden. It’s the first time anyone has heard him laugh and they’re kind of terrified by the sound. Wow, you mean Ares was up to some bullshit and isn’t going to be punished for it the same way Kratos was? What a shocker!!! Notably, he does not take this out on Percy, who he kind of pities moreso than even the other kids. He knows what it’s like, being the son of someone that important.

Percy finds out about Atreus towards the end of the summer when he follows Kratos off-grounds to where he’s meeting his family. Kratos has to bribe him to secrecy...Percy being Percy, he demands answers. It’s refreshing to get a straight answer for once, and he doesn’t say anything about it to anyone.

Unfortunately for Kratos, the gods find out anyway. Their solution is to also send Atreus to the camp to see what he’s made of. Faye is shockingly okay with this (unbeknownst to Kratos, things are heating up a bit with Asgard and she’s hopeful that surrounding Atreus with his Greek heritage will throw him off the scent). Atreus at age 12 rolls up to camp with a lot of unresolved questions and anger issues at having been lied to for so long. Camp is a miserable for him at first--he can’t be claimed by his divine parent because Kratos only barely counts as a god now and doesn’t want to put that kind of heat on the kid, he’s away from his mom, and surrounded by an unfamiliar culture on top of that. While I’m not sure how the plot of Sea of Monsters would work with this timeline, things do turn around for him a bit when he gets absorbed into Percy’s friend group. 

Anyways, yes I have thought about this too much, what of it -

#screech's crossover ramblings

[nsk96]

These days while I think about my childhood and adolescence, I'm starting to realize that my parents are the reason for most of my insecurities...but mostly my mom. She's made me feel so insecure about every flaw on my body ever since I was a kid and even now likes to point them out and say "we need to work on that" (which usually means me instead of "we" even though I hardly have the time to invest in my appearance the way she wants me to), "or we need to fix that."

And the worst part is that I'm finding out that many of the body flaws I have are more common than I thought and some of these things are even expected.

Probably TMI so feel free to skip this paragraph: just tonight, I saw my mom spreading a Collagen + Hyaluronic acid cream all over her, female bits and the inner leg areas and crevices. She started saying that she's really dark down there and that she hopes the cream will lighten it up. Then she said, "I know you're dark there too. Have you been working on that? That could be why Dr. _____ scrounged up her face when she had to examine you that day."

Thanks mom, I had felt insecure the first time you brought it up years ago and just recently, I had finally got over that after learning that it's normal for that area to be darker than the rest of your body. Now after your comment, I'm feeling insecure about it again. Then I try to tell her what I had learned about it being normal to be dark down there and that you can get darker with age (especially as a brown woman). She says, "It may be normal doesn't mean you have to accept it--" blah blah. The p*rn industry has really ruined people's perspective about their own bodies. Like, sorry mom, but I don't think rubbing bleaching cream down there is gonna help? And that's probably not even safe.

Some other things (not all) my mom has told me:

Your shoulders are really broad. That's not normal for a girl. It's those pushups you're doing, you're not supposed to be doing that type of exercise, you'll look like a guy

You should be wearing makeup everyday (when I got to college even though I was not allowed to wear makeup until then, despite expressing a deep interest for it in middle school and high school)

We need to fix your back acne. No man will want to touch you (proceeded to invade my privacy in the shower to scrub my back [really hard to the point my skin was sore]. She'll say that I agreed with her because I'm the one that had to call her over when ready, but what other choice did I have? To disobey meant getting yelled at or beaten. Guess what...I still get the acne but not as much now that I'm older. My arms still get it really bad but that's because that's specifically a build-up of skin that occurs from scrubbing my skin too hard...thanks mom👁👄👁)

You need to trim your ____(female bits) to stay clean

We need to do something about your stretch marks

*Points at the pigmentation issue on my arms* Your upper arms are still two-tone. I gave you a cream for that (multiple times throughout my life so far and FYI, the bleaching cream doesn't work much. I've had better luck fading it with Shea butter)

When I was 8: we need to pluck your eyebrows, they're so bushy

When I was 12: Your breasts are getting bigger, are you sexually active? (I said no, but that didn't stop her from forcing me to take a pregnancy test)

You need to wear a bra around the house because your father is in the house you can't just let them hang out like that (even though I get breast pain and my breasts start to sag a whole lot more after wearing bras for extended periods of time)

You need to start wearing skirts and dresses (and also said "wearing pants all the time is why you're dark down there" even though I told her that wearing skirts and dresses was making me darker than pants because I have thicc thighs with no gap. Like imagine how much my skin is sticking and rubbing against each other every time I walk...All that body heat and sweat-> darkening of skin)

You need to get on that treadmill. You need to exercise (not a day goes by where she doesn't mention this, despite knowing I don't have the time for it...and that is mostly because the time frame that I can use the treadmill is only the really early morning period (I have class at this time). That's because it's in the garage...where mid-morning gets really hot and by afternoon, it usually gets around 32°C (90F) and can get higher than 38°C (100F) on some days. And that's without any breeze or airflow, and the garage is full of dust and dirt that clogs my nose to the point I can't breathe, so forget using a fan. Before we moved to this house, my mom promised me that we'd go out to run everyday and that I can join a gym close-by which was in between my drive to school. She convinced me to give up the weight-lifting equipment I was using (for a year) before we moved. The move was about moving to a safer neighborhood, so I was easily onboard. I had gotten so healthy and strong before then. And now it's like all the promises were broken and I'm stuck in pharmacy school with little to no time to exercise while my health deteriorates. I do miss it, I miss feeling super strong. And every time she nags me to exercise, it feels like a slap in the face. I wanted to go to my school's gym but the walk from the parking lot to the gym seems to be pretty long, and as the drive home is already long, I can't risk it. I'm already academically drowning, I can't take much time away from my study time especially now that I have clinical rotation. I've literally been trying to do squats in the pharmacy but can't do much because I gotta focus on my work. And now my knees are hurting from standing for a long time, and they seem to give out every time I stand up after sitting. I don't know what's going on with them. Is it a tendon injury? Strain? A sprain? Random Inflammation? A DVT in both legs?)

Why can't she just let me feel comfortable in my own skin for once? Why is she so insistent on making me into a copy of her? She even has me dressing like her most of the time (minus the dresses/skirts). I don't think I ever dressed my age from the moment I became a teen. Which probably explains why so many older men were checking me out back then (besides the usual creeps)

I'll try to see my school's counselor/therapist and show this to them. I know I wouldn't know where to start had I not written this.

#personal rant #pharmacy school adventures #my knees are killing me #knees #help me with my knees yall

[bicsbec]

The Most Mundane Slice-of-Life Date Ever (ao3 link)

Luz had been planning this for months. Well not this particular date under these particular circumstances, but a date with Amity. Any date with Amity.

Planning was a big word, too. It was more like daydreaming. She had a list she went through in her head of different dates.

Bowling, brunch, a movie, a picnic, the beach, roller skating, going for ice cream or milkshakes like in those old teen romance movies, or going to a bookstore, or—

"Luz? Hey, hello, where are you?" Hunter waved a hand in front of her face. She swatted it away.

"I'm right here."

He raised an eyebrow. "Right. Stop thinking about Blight for two seconds and focus. What can we get Camila?"

Luz scrunched her nose at that. "Just call her Mom already, sounds weird when you use her name."

Hunter blushed at the suggestion. "That's—that'd be disrespectful."

"You calling her Mom would be better than getting her something," Vee said from the cutting board. "Or we could make her dinner, like a nice one."

They were already making dinner, but it was just because it was their turn to cook that week. Gus and Amity had cleaned the common areas and Willow had been hanging up the laundry. Mamá would find the house spotless once she got back from work.

"If that's the case, Hunter should stick to peeling and cutting, and only what we hand you," Luz said, pointing a spoon in his direction. Last time he and Gus had been left in the kitchen alone, they'd created an abomination, the affront to nature kind not the magic kind.

Hunter shrugged. "It wasn't that terrible."

"Glad you could digest it," Luz shot back. "Now, el cumple de Mamá."

"I think it should be a small thing," Vee said, bringing Luz the diced potatoes and pumpkin for the beans. "We're already a handful, don't wanna stress her out more than necessary."

"Right, so dinner, maybe game night? Or a movie. And cake."

"No ghouls?"

"No ghouls, Hunter. She doesn't need one to follow her around the whole day, telling her how many years she's got left."

He raised his hands defensively. "It helps you appreciate your remaining days, that's all I'm saying."

"It is effective," Vee agreed. "But it might give Mom a heart attack, so no."

"Thank you, I like my mothers alive," Luz said playfully. But the phrase only made her think of Eda. Her stomach swooped anxiously, an itching desperation crawling down her nerves. She could only hope that Eda was okay. That King was okay.

She ran a hand down her face, trying to ground herself. It was easy to spiral. Her friends were safe. She was with Mamá. They were doing everything they could to get back. These things were enough.

They're not, but they have to be.

"That smells good," Amity's voice snapped her back. She looked back to see Amity smiling at her from the entrance to the kitchen.

"Thanks," Luz brightened."It still needs like 20 or 30 minutes so las viandas can soften."

"Sounds good, I'll tell the others."

She watched Amity walk away, getting excited all over again. After dinner she was gonna ask her out. Mamá had already okayed an outing as long as Luz kept her up to date on their location. Easy enough.

"Are they becoming less gross to watch or am I getting used to it?" Hunter asked Vee.

"Hey! We have toned it down a lot," Luz said defensively.

"You're getting used to it," Vee told him. "It's the eyes, Luz. It's impressive, really."

"Bah, you two just hate love."

Vee and Hunter shared a look. She flipped them both off. It wasn't as satisfying when they were still learning human gestures, especially learning the difference between the ones that you only use with friends and the ones you definitely shouldn't use outside of those circles.

"This one means 'screw you' and it's a 'between us' one," she explained, mostly to Hunter. Vee had started to get the hang of them faster since she had her summer camp friends. They'd been slowly reconnecting after Vee got her new face.

"Got it," he said dutifully. "Well, screw you, too. We're the ones that have to put up with it."

"How tragic for you, I have a girlfriend and we like each other."

"It gets obnoxious. You're flaunting."

"Cry me a river. Just tell Willow already."

Hunter's eyes widened. "Lower your voice."

"Tell Willow already," she whispered, smug as all hell.

"Tell me what?" Willow entered through the backdoor with a basket full of laundry, setting it on the table.

Hunter's face was red, Luz wasn't sure if he was blushing or angry at her, his posture stiff and awkward.

"That's my bad," Luz covered easily. "The guys wanted to surprise you with a Flyer Derby match. They've been trying to find a good spot where you could play without worrying about being seen."

Willow brightened immediately. "Aw, that's really sweet. I miss playing, just tell me when."

"S-sure thing," Hunter gritted out, only slightly less stiff.

She smiled at him, picking up the basket and heading into the living room to fold.

"I hate you," he turned to Luz.

"You're welcome."

Flapjack chirped from Hunter's pocket, wiggling out and perching on his shoulder.

"But she—Flap! Fine. Thank you, Luz."

"What was that? Did it sound like he meant it to you, Vee?"

"No, not really," Vee said, playing along easily.

He looked between the two of them, murder in his eyes. He took a breath, relaxing. "Thank you for not telling Willow, Luz."

"Nah, don't worry, bro. That's for you to do," she shrugged, ready to stop teasing him. "I, unlike you, am a sucker for romance."

"Yeah, okay," Hunter chuckled.

After dinner had been served and Mamá told them about her day, Vee and Gus headed over to the Swap to play Mariano Go-Kart as Hunter and Willow watched, transfixed by the tiny people in their little cars. They all sucked terribly at the game, always looking at the wrong split screen when playing. At least they always had a good laugh about it.

Luz thought about buying more controllers so they could all play instead of taking turns. She'd never needed more than two before.

She leaned behind the couch, next to Amity, watching as Vee fell off the map, pulled up by a turtle in a cloud.

"Oh, I thought that was me! Ha!" Gus laughed, even though he was in 10th place.

"This game is weird," Amity commented. "Where does the Snaggleback get that long hook?"

"I…actually don't know, it's probably something crazy, though," Luz said. The Mariano Siblings lore always was a little unhinged. "Hey, can I steal you away for a bit?"

"Uh, sure," Amity smiled. "Where are we going?"

"Just out front. It's a little more quiet," Luz said, taking her hand.

"Okay."

They sat down on the front steps of the house, lit mostly by the lamp above the entrance and the streetlights. The night was cool, the first wisps of autumn chilling the air. Amity sat close to Luz looking for warmth as her hands were enveloped in her abomination mittens, but they weren't quite right. The color had begun to change the more time they spent in the Human Realm. It wasn't less magical, Vee could assure them of that, but it was less of their world, more of this one. That by itself made Amity and Willow especially more homesick.

Luz took her hand, slime mitten and all. This was exactly why she wanted to take Amity out on a date. Something totally normal to balance out the insane.

"I've been thinking a lot lately," Luz started.

"You always are," Amity pointed out good-naturedly.

"Right," Luz smiled. "But I was thinking more about us. I had promised you a date when all of this was over and, if I recall correctly, you seemed eager for a tour of the Human Realm when we were looking for, y'know, uh, Philip's diary, so, uh…"

"Yeah?" Amity was smiling, encouraging Luz with her little speech.

"I know that things are still crazy, even though it doesn't feel that way. I mean, you're stuck here and I'll do everything I can to get you guys back, but we don't know how long that'll take and what I'm trying to say is: this is the new normal, for the foreseeable future at least."

"Uh-huh."

"You can totally say no if it's too weird or too soon or you're not in the right headspace for it, but would you wanna go on that date?"

Amity kissed her cheek. "You're so silly. Of course I would."

"Oh, okay," Luz relaxed, she hadn't realized how tense she was. This was Amity after all, she didn't need to be so nervous. "When?"

"You're the one asking, you should know," Amity said with a playful smirk. "I don't have school or extracurriculars or anything. I'm free whenever."

"Right, right." As it turned out, enrolling kids without birth certificates or any kind of documentation into a human school was insanely difficult. Especially if they had pointy ears and didn't grasp human social cues.

"We could go this weekend or tomorrow after I get back from school," Luz suggested.

"Sure," Amity leaned into her, hugging her arm. "Anything in mind?"

"Uh, y'know, just the most mundane slice-of-life date ever."

"Right," Amity giggled, dispelling her mittens and lacing her fingers with Luz's. "I can't wait."

Luz blushed, really wanting to kiss Amity. Properly kiss her. She'd been trying to work up the courage ever since the Day of Unity, but she always chickened out. The crowded house and her mother hovering in the background didn't help either.

But she could try right then, ask Amity or lean in or—

The door slammed open.

"Luz. Luz! I beat your high score!" Gus announced excitedly, ramming a steel bar down Luz's spine.

So, this is how Hunter must've felt.

"Ooh, am I interrupting something?"

"Nope!" Luz stood quickly, almost dragging Amity with her. "We were just heading inside. Wait—" Gus' words registered. "How did you beat my high score?"

He hadn't. He was reading the scale backwards; it was the lowest score. Luz didn't have the heart to tell him.

It was always hard to concentrate at school. Before the Demon Realm, her mind wandered during class, spacing out and daydreaming about fictional worlds. She had tried to pay attention but it never stuck. Only two subjects were interesting enough, English and biology; one for the stories and one for her taxidermy projects.

After the Demon Realm? Her attention had never been more all over the place. How could she go to school when King was in the hands of a terrifying little god and she could only hope Eda was some semblance of alright? How could she go to school when all her fantasies and nightmares were real?

At least today she was distracted for a different reason.

She couldn't wait to go home and get ready for her date with Amity. She was excited to be able to look forward to something for once. She had stayed up late planning their date, laying out the schedule to make sure they had time for everything.

"For next week, I want you to bring in a paragraph. Work in a prompt that could lead to a grander story. It could even be a single sentence," the teacher was saying as the class came to an end. Luz absently scribbled down the reminder as most of her classmates began to pack their things. "We'll work on story structure next week, so you'll need your paragraph to expand upon. Please don't plagiarize! And do it yourself, don't ask a classmate; it'll be easier if it comes from you."

The school bell rang and half the class was already on their feet and out the door. Luz packed her things, eager to head out.

"Luz, do you have a minute?" her teacher, Ms. M, said as she passed her desk. Luz stopped, unsure if she was in trouble or not. Her teachers barely talked to her if it wasn't to say she was doing poorly in class or needed to apply herself more. "I heard that last semester you were distracted in class, but from what I've seen this semester, you've been…well, depressed, frankly. Has everything been okay at home?"

"Yeah, everything's fine, Ms. M," Luz said, confused but trying to be reassuring. Her teachers had never expressed concern for her specifically, just concern for her grades.

"Okay, that's good to hear. You have seemed a little brighter these last few days, still distracted, though," she smiled like she was in on a joke with Luz. Luz was waiting for the Your grades have been slipping or aren't looking so good. "That was all, just worried. Just know that you can come to me if something isn't okay at home. I don't want to keep you, you can head on out. You seemed excited." Weird. She was a relatively new teacher, maybe she didn't know Luz's reputation yet.

"Alright, thanks, miss."

Luz thought about the interaction on the bus ride home. It was a little comforting; it was a sign of change, that she'd changed. Nothing much around her had indicated that time had passed, that she'd been in the Demon Realm at all (except for its actual residents currently living in her house). Her teachers resented her past disruptions, her classmates were just that, classmates; even Bosha had held longer conversations with Luz.

It'd usually been the case that she didn't give much weight to what her teachers thought, unless it worried Mamá as well. But Ms. M taking notice felt nice, a recognition she had never craved before. The approval of a teacher.

Eda.

Eda was more than a teacher or mentor or guide to the Demon Realm. But her approval had always felt like earning an A-plus. Her first banned poster, her first wild glyph, her first heist; Eda’s eyes shone with pride after each one. Eda loved teaching her and caring after her, and Luz loved being under Eda’s wing. She missed her.

She was at her stop.

"Hey, what's that look? Everything okay?" Willow asked as she came into the house. Gus' air mattress was still out, Willow and him huddled in the blankets. Hunter still had his nest of pillows and comforters on the couch. The explosions from the TV paused, what sounded like a Flare Strikes movie binge. They must've had a very late morning. The scene alone was enough to brighten up Luz a little.

"Just, uh, missing Eda," she sighed, dropping her bag against the mattress and slumping across Willow's lap. Willow was always a calming presence, being able to soothe her frayed nerves with a giggle and an encouraging pat.

"Aw, I'm sure she misses you, too," Willow said with a reassuring squeeze. "We're all missing family, but we're not alone at least. And your mom is awesome."

"Yeah," Gus said with a half smile. "We're gonna see them again, one way or another. It's unlike us to just quit."

They looked up at Hunter, waiting for him to say something.

"What? I'm starting to like it here, I'm not exactly eager to—"

Gus and Willow smacked at his feet.

"I mean, of course we're gonna get home," he said like it was obvious. "We're getting you guys back to your families, yes, obviously. Just sayin' it's not a crime to like it here. After all, Luz liked the Demon Realm."

"Yeah, that's fair," Luz sighed. "Just wish we'd have a big break or something, or just got lucky for once."

"It'll be fine," Willow patted her head. "Hey, isn't today your big date with Amity?"

Willow was an awesome friend, always knowing exactly what to say to course correct Luz's spiral.

She immediately perked up. "Yes, it is. I have to go get ready," Luz said, crawling out of the air mattress.

She found the door to her room (or their room, given that it was being shared with Vee, Willow, and Amity) closed. Luz knocked, lesson learned a few weeks ago.

"Come in."

She opened the door and was yanked in by the arm. There were two Amitys in the room, the one clinging to her arm in her pajamas, looking a little disheveled and anxious, and the other with her arms out in a very cute yellow day dress.

"Willow, I need your opinion before Luz gets home. Do you thin—" the anxious Amity finally looked over at Luz. This was her sweet potato.

Vee shifted back with a smirk.

"Luz!"

"You are so friggin' cute!" Luz pulled her into a hug, making her giggle.

"I'm still in here!" Vee said, fake grossed out, walking towards the door. "Wear the dress, Amity. Luz's eyes sparkled when she saw it, okay? Sparkled."

Luz felt her face heat up.

"It was very pretty!" Luz said defensively.

Amity was blushing.

"Okay, I'm out. Have fun on the date," Vee said, closing the door behind her.

"I'm guessing you need the room," Amity said, moving to pull out her box of clothes from under the bed. Storage was becoming an increasing nightmare; when at home, they usually just wore whatever fit, but Willow and Amity had separate boxes for going-out clothes and underwear.

"Yeah, I'll just change real quick."

Amity pulled out the dress she'd been looking for. "Okay, I'll be downstairs."

She kissed Luz's cheek on her way out, her lips like a spark that left a soft, wild thrumming under Luz's skin and stomach warm.

Luz got ready in a flash, grabbing her phone, the tote she'd prepared the night before, and her spare keys, all while smiling. She couldn't really stop. She rushed downstairs to find Willow spinning a laughing Amity as Vee and the boys voiced their approval of her outfit.

"Es que mira, they're a matching set," Vee said when she saw Luz by the stairs. Luz had picked out her nicest graphic tee layered with a violet flannel and denim straight pants; the colors, she now realized, went nicely with Amity's dress and hair.

"Give us a twirl!" Gus bounced from his slightly deflated mattress and conjured an Illusion Gus next to Luz, taking her hand and spinning her, too. Luz felt her smile grow to the point it was a little painful. She hadn't really smiled in a long time.

As Gus' illusion dispelled, Luz felt something melt away from her chest. Like a weight that had been dragging her heart through rocks. She felt lighter, the laughter and voices of her friends dusting her off and chipping away at the debris.

They were doing everything they could, not just to get back, but to be normal kids. And for once, it felt like enough.

"Bueno, hermosa, we should get going," Luz said, extending her hand out to Amity. She was already blushing, linking her arm with Luz's.

"Have fun on your date," Willow called.

"Bring her back by ten," Gus said in a silly voice, like a dad in a movie.

"Of course, sir," Amity played along, hand to her chest in sincerity.

"Remember what Mom said," Hunter's voice followed them to the door. "Location on!"

"Chill out! I'm on it," Luz called back, pulling out her phone. She first texted Mamá, letting her know they'd gone out and sent her a live pin that would last a couple of hours.

"Okay, ready?" She asked putting away her phone as Amity closed the door behind them. Luz heard a small sniffle and stopped cold. "Amity?"

"Yeah, sorry," she looked up, her nose red and eyes a little watery. "It's just—" She took a steading breath.

"What's wrong?" Luz brought a hand to her cheek, wiping away a stray tear.

"It's just nice, y'know? For a second there it felt like being back home. Ed and Em were—are a lot like that. Whenever one of them went on a date it was always a big fuss. The teasing and hyping up and all that…I always thought they'd do the same with me."

"Oh," Luz smiled, easily imagining Ed and Em's banter and cooing over their little sister. "I'm sure they still will, when you tell them all about your date with your awesome girlfriend." Luz nudged her playfully with her elbow, getting a smile from Amity.

"Yeah," she agreed, linking their arms again and starting down the sidewalk. "I'm sure they will. By the way, did I hear that right? Did Hunter call Camila 'Mom'?"

"He did, didn't he? She's gonna be so excited."

"Think she hasn't heard him?"

"I think he's practicing."

"Cute," Amity said and immediately scrunched up her nose. "Never thought I'd say that about the Golden Guard."

Luz laughed. "Well, I think it's safe to say that he's hardly the Golden Guard anymore. He's more like a—"

"Dorky older brother?"

Luz tapped her nose. "That's what it is."

"I already have one of those, you can keep this one," Amity joked; Luz giggled.

"Yeah, okay. I think Mom likes him anyway. It works out."

"So, what are we doing? For the date, I mean."

"I would say it's a surprise, but I really wanna tell you," Luz said brightly. She could tell her face was gonna hurt after today. "Okay, so, first I thought about doing like a thousand things, but I realized we only had an afternoon and I really wanted it to be perfect. I promised no monsters and no duels so the movie theater was out, they only show scary stuff in the fall. Next I thought—"

"Luz," Amity shook her arm impatiently, amused by her girlfriend's rambling.

"Okay, okay. Big clichés, so first we're going for milkshakes."

"Like smilksnakes?"

"But without snake straws."

Amity nodded, maybe a little disappointed. Luz knew how it felt to have something so familiar become incredibly foreign because of a few letters. She remembered how Amity lit up at the mention of rugby, but increasingly lost her enthusiasm as she saw a match progress.

"Where's the scarab? Where's the peril?" Amity had asked. Luz didn't want to imagine the severity of her disappointment if Amity had actively liked grudgby.

But Amity remained excited. "And then?"

"Up to you. We could go to the bookstore or—"

"Bookstore."

Luz chuckled. "Okay, bookstore. And last, Gravesfield Park. How's that sound?"

"Perfect," Amity sighed, leaning on Luz's shoulder.

"Perfect," Luz smiled, kissing the top of her head.

Luz had stumbled her way through the Demon Realm, making mistakes and offenses she had no idea about, with no one that could stop her overexcitement in time. She was glad she could be there for her friends as they navigated through the Human Realm. An odd fumble in the Demon Realm just meant someone that was slightly weirder than the rest, nothing too out of the ordinary. In the Human Realm, they would stick out like a sore thumb, like Eda had, calling a lot of attention to themselves.

"Just follow my lead," Luz said reassuringly as they sat down in a window booth. She scanned the QR code on the table with her phone. "Here, this is the menu. If you have any questions, let me know."

Amity had a lot of questions. It was a fun challenge trying to help Amity figure out the flavors.

"Milk chocolate is the same as chocosmilk, only a little sweeter."

"Ooh, how about a banana split?"

"It's very much not a public dismemberment of a banana."

Amity sat back defeated. "The Human Realm is so mild."

"Yes, it is." Thankfully.

A waitress approached them. "You girls ready to order or do you need more time?"

Luz looked over to Amity, who seemed uncertain. "A little more time, please."

"Sure." The waitress moved over to another booth, unfazed.

"Look, this one's kinda like Ghoul Aid, but a little less awful. And boba is like boiled firebee eggs."

"Got it. I think we can order now," Amity said, handing Luz her phone back. "Do you know what you're getting?"

"Yeah, Papi took me here once, the day after we finished moving. He'd ordered pistachio and I ordered mint," Luz smiled at the memory. "I took a sip from his drink by accident and made a face, he couldn't stop laughing. So I always kinda get pistachio now."

Amity took her hand, interlacing their fingers. "That's really cute."

The waitress came around eventually, happy to interrupt their conversation.

"Ready to order, girls?"

"Yes, I'll have a pistachio milkshake, please."

"And you?"

"Um, a mint milkshake."

"Mint. Okay, anything else?"

"No, that's all, I think," Luz smiled pleasantly. "Thanks."

"Yep." The waitress walked away unceremoniously.

"Is it me, or is she rude?" Amity asked in a hushed voice.

"Nah, she just has to deal with people all day. We're tipping big before we leave. It's rude otherwise."

"Is that human etiquette?"

"I guess so."

"What else is considered polite?"

"Oh, that all depends on context and even then, it's easier to point out what's rude."

Amity listened with rapt attention as Luz began to list things she knew to be rude and different quirks in human etiquette. Luz thought that perhaps Amity didn't like the Human Realm like she liked the Demon Realm, but she seemed to like learning about it. Or maybe hear Luz talk about it.

They'd somehow ended up talking about the spork as the superior utensil, when the waitress brought up their order.

Luz thanked her and slid Amity her milkshake.

"Oh, I see," Amity said, inspecting her glass.

"Hm? Oh, the color, yeah."

"Does it taste much different?"

"Wanna try?" She offered her a straw. Amity took a sniff of her own drink and tried it. Her face revealed nothing. She waited for the taste to wash out and leaned over to try Luz's.

"Oh, these are both something," Amity said nodding, clearly fighting to keep her face pleasant and making Luz burst out laughing. "Yeah, I don't know how you drink that. I'll stick with the mint."

Amity chuckled at Luz's laugh, then let out a cute little snort and started laughing in earnest, Luz's laugh too contagious.

"Ay, batata," Luz managed after calming down. "So, are they much different?"

Amity stuck her tongue out at her playfully, sending them into another fit of giggles. Luz could've kissed her there, her cheeks pink from laughing, golden eyes bright as she looked at her. But she didn't, it had to be perfect. She had a plan. And they were having fun, conversation was easy, laughter bubbling at the surface.

They finished their drinks with jokes and silly antics in-between, like showing Amity "human magic."

"Check it out," Luz said, holding her straw over the crinkled paper straw wrap she'd carefully extracted. Amity's gaze was focused, her curiosity getting the better of her skepticism. Luz dripped over a couple of melted milkshake drops onto the paper, making it expand rapidly; she'd always loved that trick when she was a kid. Amity's eyes widened as the paper worm slowly halted its stretch.

"Is it alive?"

"Nah, it's just magic," Luz wiggled her fingers for emphasis. "Paper absorbs water, so it expands when it's all squished together like that."

"That's hardly magic," Amity said with a raised eyebrow.

"But you were amazed, weren’t you?" Luz said, wiping the table and tucking the tip under the napkin holder. She held out her hand for Amity. "Come on, we got places to be."

Old Gravesfield was still a walkable town square, with old family shops and newer establishments lining the sidewalks. The roads were narrow, originally built for carriages instead of modern cars, and the pavement was an old mix of its original cobblestone and repaired patches of cement with imprinted brickwork. Luz had never really appreciated the curiosities that Old Gravesfield had offered her, but now she saw the town with new eyes, and saw its potential for answers on a way back to the Demon Realm, Hunter's Golden Guard sigil being the most taunting and infuriating.

But this time she was walking down the sidewalk with her girlfriend, on their way to the quaint bookshop in the town square. No monsters, no mysteries, no deadly duels, no questing for answers. Only showing her girlfriend around the town she'd partially grown up in.

"Where is it that Mrs. Noceda works?" Amity asked as she looked around the shops, occasionally nudging Luz when they passed a place where Eda was banned.

"In the new part of town, it's less cramped over there, but there's more car traffic," Luz said, stopping at the entrance of the bookshop. "Here we are."

"Surprised Eda isn't banned from here, too," Amity said inspecting the sign. It read Hoot's Books, a little owl with glasses as its mascot.

"She'd first have to step inside," Luz said good-humoredly, opening the door for Amity.

The shop smelled old, like the smell came from the building itself having existed a long time, a little dull, a little humid, all shrouded in an unshakable layer of dust.

Amity started pulling on Luz's arm urgently. "Oh, it smells like, it smells like—"

"The Forbidden Stacks."

"—the Forbidden Stacks."

Amity's eyes were bright, a little part of home in a sea of unknown territory. The bookstore had been the better option.

"Wow, I had a stupid big crush on you back then," Luz said, recalling the day and her stomach-turning nervousness around Amity.

"So did I," Amity said, her cheeks turning red. "I could've phrased it better, about being stupid and all that, but being around you sorta short-circuited my brain."

"Hm, can relate," Luz said playfully, kissing Amity's cheek.

Amity eagerly perused the shelves, dragging Luz along by the hand. There were no titles she could possibly recognize, but she still seemed to be searching for something.

"Do you think they carry the Azura spin offs?"

"Oh, maybe," Luz said with a start, eyes scanning the genre labels. "It could be a special order, too. They're not super popular."

"Why not?"

Luz shrugged. "People don't know how to recognize good literature."

"Someone there?" A voice came from the aisle over. He peeked his head around the side of the shelves. He was surprisingly young, but had a tired look that aged him. "Hello there. Let me know if I can do anything for you or if you have any questions."

"Yes, do you carry the Good Witch Azura's spin off series?" Amity perked up.

The guy wrinkled his nose like he was thinking about it. "Doesn't ring a bell. Let me check the system."

He made his way over to the counter, booting up a computer that had seen better days. Amity looked back at Luz.

"Do I follow him or…?"

"Yeah. If they don't have it, he'll probably ask if you want to place an order," Luz said. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, it's fine. I got this." Amity seemed determined to conquer this aspect of the Human Realm by herself. Books were something she would know, magical or not. Luz smiled as she watched Amity walk up to the counter, her stoic Blight-in-control mask in place.

While Amity waited, Luz went down the aisles, skimming over the title and waiting for something to catch her eye. She'd always been pulled into the fantasy section before, but was now being pulled into the history shelves. Gravesfield near the Deadwardian Era, witch hunts and hunters; she'd gotten so used to research that she naturally gravitated toward anything remotely connected to returning to the Demon Realm. Stories of tricksters and deals gone wrong, crossroads and alluring fiddles. They couldn't afford to pass anything up.

She scanned the shelves, an odd assortment of old books that seemed to have sat there since their first printing and newer books, editions she realized were brand new and the clerk had been shelving, a cart with more copies by Luz's side. She'd already read some of these books from the library, but the titles that caught her eye made their way into her hands. Gravesfield's Witch Hunters,The Witches of Gravesfield: Suspect and Trialed, Witch Hunter General Wittebane: the Legend and Disappearance.

Luz stopped in her tracks. She scanned the back of that one more carefully than the others. Caleb Wittebane, Witch Hunter General, and younger brother Philip… it was Belos. And a brother. Caleb. Belos had called Hunter that name when they were in the Titan's head. They'd lived in Gravesfield. Luz's heart was racing, hope soaring through the roof.

It was a break. Something. It wasn't a way back to the Demon Realm, but it was evidence of…sanity. Philip Wittebane, a guy with a paper trail, an actual person, not a boogeyman or specter haunting the shadows of her nightmares. A guy that vanished in the 1600s. Something tangible.

Amity appeared beside her with a bounce in her step. "Gary said I can pick up the order next week," she announced excitedly. "Next week!"

Luz jumped, startled, but couldn't help but smile. "That sounds great. Can't wait to read something other than old newspapers and fake apothecary manuscripts."

"Find anything interesting?"

"Not terribly," she handed over her small pile, still searching the shelves.

"Wittebane?" Amity murmured, flipping opened the book for its summary. A shock of cold dread ran through Luz. She'd been distracted, she hadn't realized what she'd handed over.

Luz felt frozen to the ground, waiting for Amity's judgment to come.

"Philip was a witch hunter? Look, he had an older brother too. Was he trying to get back to him with the portal door?" She seemed to be musing to herself. "Or maybe they got lost together. But his journal never mentions his brother. Huh."

She looked but from the book to find Luz petrified and looking guilty of something.

"What's wrong?"

"N–nothing, I just, um—" But there was nothing to give her away. The book wouldn't say that Philip was Emperor Belos, it wouldn't say that Luz had taught Philip the light glyph, it wouldn't say her friends had been living with the monster that had enthusiastically aided Belos in meeting the current reigning terror of the Boiling Isles, it would say nothing beyond the story of the brothers Wittebane and their sudden disappearance. Anything else was trapped in Luz's conscience, edging to get out and confess, but finding every excuse not to.

Not the first week, they were all terrified; not the second week, they were buried in research, not this week, it had been good and Luz had never heard Hunter laugh that hard before; not that week, Gus had a bout of homesickness; not this week, they'd been plagued with nightmares. Next week, next week, next week…

"Did you know?" There was no accusation in her voice, but Luz flinched anyway. "Did the Echo Mouse show you a page or…?"

"Um…okay," she took a calming breath, the guilt that had been coiling in her chest released. She was not about to lie. "Okay, okay. I did know, but it's a little more complicated than that."

"Okay," Amity said easily. She really had no idea how terribly it'd been weighing on Luz. And that was the point, Luz's best kept secret. Her self-loathing and guilt.

"I can explain it better once we get back and I'll explain everything, too. I just—I want us to enjoy this date."

"Hey, yeah," Amity ran a soothing hand across her shoulders. "Of course, don't worry about it." She kissed her cheek. "Unless there's reason to be worried." The words tilted into a question, verification of Luz's well-being.

"No, no," Luz said, a little tired, a little relieved. "Or at least, I don't think so."

I certainly hope not.

"So," Amity nudged her good-naturedly. "How about we pick something more date-like instead of research we're always doing?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," Luz said, trying a smile. "I am going to take these home, though." She pointed to the pile.

"I know," Amity said, not unkindly. "Come on, batata."

No questing for answers.

They continued to browse through the shop, picking up titles and avoiding plots that sounded a tad too familiar. Slice-of-life, mundane, peaceful, boring. Boring would be great right now.

Amity had suggested they pick a book to read together, something new, a clean slate. Luz loved the idea. As anxious as she was to get back to the Demon Realm, having something that was theirs from their time in the Human Realm was charming. Not that it wouldn't be laced with anxiety and the uncertainty of being able to return to the Demon Realm, the beginnings of their relationship was tainted with a similar anxiety. But there was a devastating sense of calm in Gravesfield, they weren't being hunted, they didn't have to dismantle an empire, everything was…quiet. Like still water. Anticipating a disturbance that usually never came.

Luz was happy to give Amity however many moments of reprieve from that anxiety as she could manage, even if it meant shouldering it by herself for a while.

Amity settled on a contemporary YA that had come out a few years ago. Luz had never deigned to pick it because of its lack of fantastical elements, but now it seemed like the most compelling storyline she'd come across. A sweet coming-of-age story, growing pains only experienced through harmless school shenanigans and misunderstandings. Peaceful and boring.

They checked out with their little pile of books and a reminder that they'll receive a phone call when the Azura books arrive. Luz tucked them away in her tote and led the way to Gravesfield Park.

The sun was only beginning to set, but the street lights flickered on, most of them thankfully working. Amity huddled closer as the evening cool settled around them. The walk was placid, everything it needed to be. Peaceful and boring.

Gravesfield Park was tragically close to the Historical Society, something that felt like the closest the universe will ever get to saying, Screw you specifically, Luz Noceda. But Gracefield Park was one of the few decent spots for a date, so it was something she was willing to put up with.

She pulled out a thick blanket from the tote and laid it under the fading shadow of a tree, strategically blocking the old building. She kicked a few leaves off and wiped away the grass blades as best she could, using the weight of the books to pin down one of the corners and sitting adjacent to it. She propped herself against the tree and patted the spot beside her.

Amity sat down, hugging Luz's arm and leaning on her shoulder. "So, is this a picnic?"

"Sure," Luz said with a shrug. "It's whatever you want it to be really. Wouldn't call it a picnic 'cause I didn't bring much food. But it's definitely picnic adjacent. It's…a quiet moment. With the best girlfriend in the world."

Amity kissed her cheek, that soft spark still there. "That's really sweet. I've loved today. It's a nice break from everything."

"Yeah," Luz agreed with a slow nod. The day was bleeding out of her, a soft wave of exhaustion washing over her. The night before planning, school, walking from place to place. It was nice to sit down for a while and just talk. "So, what do you think of the Human Realm?"

"It's just as strange as I thought it would be, a lot less," she paused looking for the word, her hand gesturing almost as if to aid her along, "violent? Dying seems a lot harder to achieve casually."

That made Luz laugh. "I mean, sure. The weather is less likely to pummel you to death, rainbows are a trick of the light, and the bees aren't on fire. Danger in the Human Realm is more intentional, I guess. Depending on where you are."

"It's a change of pace," Amity said.

"Definitely," Luz nodded. "That it definitely is."

"I like how you talk about it. Your home. You do make it seem less strange."

"Only because I know the Demon Realm," Luz smiled softly. "It's made me see home with new eyes. It's fun, finding the right words, the closest possible equivalent to it so my world seems more approachable. I want you guys to have fun when you can. New normal and all that."

"I like this new normal," Amity said with a sigh. "As much as I miss Em and Ed and Dad, I know I'm gonna see them again. That's not even a question. So I try not to feel guilty for liking it here. For enjoying the quiet. And your mom had a point, we should get to be kids. I don't want to feel bad about it."

Luz realized Amity was good at keeping secrets, too. Silent things they didn't share with each other, even though they understood it, felt the same compulsion to keep it to themselves. They all had their burdens and they still struggled to share the load. Selfish and possessive.

But then they had moments like this, where sharing was easier, where they realized the load would be lighter if they shared more often. Fleeting exceptions to their silent rule, but exceptions that were never ignored.

Luz took her hand and brought their interlaced fingers to her lips. "I really, really get that, hermosa." She wished she could do more, never realizing she did enough.

Amity brought her other hand to Luz's cheek, turning her head and leaning her forehead against hers. "I know."

Her thumb was soft against Luz's cheek, a gentle caress that coaxed her forward. Luz couldn't stop the grin that spread on her lips.

"You're so much better at this than I am," she whispered.

That seemed to startle Amity, pulling away a little to look at her. "W-what do you mean?"

"No, no, that was really smooth," she said quickly, blushing, her head finally catching up with what almost happened.

"I mean, it was," Amity was blushing, too. "I'd been trying to kiss you all day."

"Amity," Luz was laughing. "We've got to stop doing this. I've been trying to kiss you since we got here. To the Human Realm, I mean. I had a whole plan and everything and you just stumbled into the perfect moment like it was nothing."

Amity was laughing, too. "Wait, wait, what was the plan?"

"Okay, so, Gravefield Park has these fairy lights that come on an hour after the street lights, so I was waiting for them so I could give this big romantic speech about making the best out of a crummy situation and you making that easier and yada, yada—"

"No, not yada, yada. I wanna hear that speech."

"You'll get it later. Anyway, I was still figuring out how to transition from the speech to the kiss and then you just," Luz gestured uselessly, "you just nail it. No effort."

"Luz, my heart was hammering out of my chest," Amity said gravely. "I would not say, 'no effort.'"

"Okay, okay," Luz said with a shake of her head, steeling her nerves. "Can I kiss you?" She felt her face warm at the question, which felt silly since she was the one asking. And even sillier was that Amity, smooth as she had been, was blushing, too. They both laughed at themselves. Why was this so nerve-racking?

"Yes, oh, my Titan. Yes," Amity said, leaning against her forehead again, her hand returning to her cheek. This time, Luz took the lead, understanding why Amity's heart was hammering out of her chest. It was absurd. "You okay?" Amity whispered.

"Yeah, this is just terrifying," Luz said in a breathless chuckle.

"It's just me," Amity said gently. And she was right. It was just Amity. Her wonderful, patient girlfriend. The girl she laughed with, fought against and alongside, the girl that made butterflies flutter in her stomach and blush like she was sunburned. It was just Amity.

Amity, who gave her courage and support, who drove her forward and made her rest. Amity.

Luz leaned forward gently, her heart pounding in her ears. And just like that she was kissing her again, her stomach fluttering alive. Amity's lips were soft and a little wet, warm and electrifying.

Luz had no idea what to do with her hands this time so she just held on to the hand she was already clasping. She was also running out of breath, so she pulled back softly, breaking the kiss.

"How do people do this for a long time?" She wondered out loud, not really meaning to say it.

Amity giggled. "I think they just breathe on each other."

"Weird. Didn't expect a learning curve, or rather, I thought it would be different."

"It's not bad, though," Amity said with a shrug.

"Yeah, you're right," she said, her face heating up again.

"Luz?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Hm, let me think about it," she said, making Amity laugh before she leaned in again. This time it was a little braver, her lips moving against hers once. Luz tried it, to see how it felt. It was weird but not unpleasant. Like it took a little getting used to. Amity pulled away, leaving Luz a little dizzy. She wasn't sure if it was the not-wanting-to-breathe-on-Amity thing or something else. She just knew they were both red-faced.

Just then, it got brighter above their heads and they looked up to see the fairy lights that were strewn overhead to poles and streetlights.

"Oh," Amity said with a little awe. It was mood lighting. Luz's plan would've been perfect, if she had followed through. But this was also perfect. It was clumsy and awkward and theirs. She wouldn't trade it for the smoothest pickup line or suave move. This was their perfect.

They got home just as the sun had finished setting, the sky an odd blue, the lightest residue of purple and orange scratching the horizon. Vee and Gus could be heard in the dining room, laughing, probably playing Hexes Hold'em by the sound of it. Hunter was passed out on the couch, his feet resting on Mamá's lap as she watched the news; Willow had stopped behind the couch to watch the TV too, her original destination seemingly forgotten.

It was Mamá and Willow who greeted them.

"Hey, how was the date?" Mamá asked casually.

They both turned red, suddenly bashful. One usually got to go home to gush about a date and it's small wonderful moments to one's respective household, but their current arrangement didn't allow that. A small oversight in Luz's planning.

"Oh, well," Luz started flushing more than she thought possible, "I thought it went well." She swung her arms back and forth, trying to release her nervous energy.

Mamá seemed to realize the mistake in her question a little late.

"I thought it was perfect," Amity managed in a casual tone, but her face was pink.

"Oh, that's lovely!" Mamá said, recovering.

There was a beat of silence, and it was the closest thing to actual Human Realm magic. A silent understanding, a still race.

Almost at the same time they blurted out:

"Dibs on Willow!"

"I get Vee!"

They laughed and raced toward their confidants, Amity dragging Willow up the stairs and Luz barging into the dining room, ready to gush about their date, a small semblance of different households for just a moment. A different type of normalcy.

The house felt lighter than it had in weeks, different corners alive with laughter and giggles and uh-huh, then whats. Luz's face did hurt from all the smiling. Then she got to the part in the bookstore and remembered the titles and her promise to explain everything. So she did.

She brought Gus and Vee up to her room and knocked.

Willow opened the door. "Luz, not now. Amity's getting to the good part."

"It'll have to wait," she said, determined to finally get this out. "I have to tell you guys something."

It felt like finally letting go of a long held breath, like releasing a terrible nagging knot in her back. It felt like stepping out from under a ridiculous weight, your feet skimming the surface of the floor.

She told them. About Philip and the glyph and the Emperor's mind and the Collector and how they found that Philip had a brother, a man with the title of Witch Hunter General.

Gus gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"I was wondering when you'd be ready to talk," he said with a sympathetic look. "You and Hunter have been killing yourselves with this, keeping it quiet."

"You knew?"

He shrugged. "I got a good look at that monster's noggin, it was really twisted in there. You know it's not your fault, right?"

"I-I don't," Luz said, defeated. "I don't know that. If I hadn't—"

"He would've found someone else," a voice came from the door. Hunter. "We've talked about this, Luz. You know he would've found someone else to trick. That's just how he was."

Gus nodded. "It's true."

Their words didn't do much to ease Luz's conscience, but it did help to hear that they didn't blame her. She had friends that loved her and trusted her, trust that had been earned through the same kind of kindness that had her tricked. Of course they wouldn't blame her for it.

"We'll always have your back, Luz," Willow said with a confident smile. "Just like you have ours. Now get out." She started pushing them out of the room. "Amity wasn't done."

Amity giggled at that, helping clear out the room.

"Done with what?" Hunter seemed disoriented, like he'd started to wake up just then.

"Ooh, stay. Amity will fill you in on their date," Willow said, pulling his sleeve.

"Nope!" Luz yanked him out of the room. "My brother, I get to tell him!"

"Yes! I'm in the sibling squad!" Gus jumped on Hunter's shoulders.

"Tell me how she tells you later!" Willow called before closing the door.

"Ooh, double agent. You got it, Willow!"

Luz couldn't help laughing, feeling as light as she ever had since returning home. She hadn't realized how she'd underestimated her friends. How unfair she'd been to them.

As they sat down at the table and Gus a Vee filled Hunter in on the details and Luz handed him the books they'd bought, she made a silent promise. One last promise. A promise to never doubt the people in her life, to trust them as they trusted her. To be fair to them.

One last promise.

#lumity #toh fanfic #the owl house #the most mudane slice of life date ever #human realm shenanigans #ao3 fic #8.4k words #complete version #this took me forever on my phone #im still figuring out how to format the rest of them #writing #fanfiction #bicsbec

[heresiae]

So, the list of colleagues that I like is shortening fast.

The last one was kind of unexpected, but I think it's another gift from the pandemic.

He used to be that kind of coworker that always put you at ease. Never raising his voice, always available, ready for a laugh, but quick and precise in his work. I liked him very much.

And then I don't know what happened. Maybe living two years with a teen without being much able for anyone to get out of the house, working always alone, without people around, etc, kind of hindered his social capacities, or maybe, just his masking.

In less than two months he was able to:

have a rant on how queer rights problems are everywhere and he's tired to have his own put in second place and wanted more discourses on them;

responded to me about an observation about how not good is the show business environment for a child actor and we should just be happy with the 20 something playing the teens and slightly older child playing the younger (and it's not like they're not able to make them look like age appropriate, Derry Girls is a good example) with a shrug and a clear implication that he didn't care as long as he can enjoying media proper portrayed

had a full rant after I pointed out that 1 inch of snow is not enough yet to have the snow plow out, that it takes time to move men, machinery and resources (salt) and everyone should just 1. respect the law (aka, mounting snow tires by Nov 15) and 2. go slow (a coworker had shared in the communal chat a picture of a car that went slightly out of road in a tree-lined avenue. the trees were in the center, dividing the roadways; there was the flowerbed was elevated by a few inches and the car had managed to slip up the flowerbed from the road and stop before a tree. also, the road was still quite clean, because it didn't snow enough to make the snow overcome the water and car passage, sticking to the road. a perfectly manageable road, if you go slow with proper tires...). this rant had escalated because he commented the picture with a "fucking municipality" and I wasn't understanding why he was blaming it and he told "no snow plow or salt", on the first (and only) snowing day of the season after only a couple of hours of fast snow (not really heavy, a medium thing). he didn't like my objections and called me boomer (he's at least 10yrs more than me...).

the last straw it was on facebook, but I didn't let myself memorize his rant and just unfriended him. it was something that just confirmed be that I don't like him and his opinions.

now I'm quite afraid of mostly every my coworker, because it's clear that:

I didn't understand shit about some of them

lockdown collateral effects might still have some surprises

Unfortunately, I don't have anymore people that usually help me navigate work society (autistic here, diagnosis still pending), so I'm stuck to just keep everyone at arm length, but not too much, because there are some people that I already know are not above to stab me in the back if I do the wrong move (or I don't show the proper... affection).

so, I'm stuck in a perpetual social anxiety.

not good at all for my mental health and the need of my spoons to to shit in the house, but I'll have to make do...

#heresiae's chronicles #cronache d'agenzia #agency chronicles #cronache heresiache #xennials are starting to be closer to the boomer than us millenials #it is not nice to see #if I became like that #please euthanize me

[dzpenumbra]

6/20/23

I'm starting this super late - 4:17 AM. Today was a massive shift from the norm. I woke up a bit late and started with a yoga routine that kicked my ass... so I didn't work out and decided to go with that change of pace and have a day that took a very different pace than normal.

I decided to sorta just take care of my home today. I made a physical list (just like the old days) in my notebook of things I need to do around the house, and just started taking care of that. I put art projects and whatnot aside and just took the day off. First day in a long time that I didn't actually work on a specific project.

I cleaned up my windowsills and reorganized the table that my orchid lives on. I moved my incense burner over... then remembered how horribly cheap it is and how poorly balanced it is. So, I used incense sticks and mod podge to make a wooden foot for it, and glued it to the bottom. It's much better now. I rearranged the moss and gravel terracotta dish I have a little bit, I had some extra soil left over from when I tried and failed to get a flowering tree cutting to root. So I put that soil in the pot and reclaimed the gravel from that, so I actually have a handful or two of gravel to work with for a potential Zen Garden piece.

I took three large yogurt containers and poked some holes in them, filled them with my remaining on-hand potting soil and planted the beans I got a few weeks back. I only had enough soil to do two of the containers, so the other one will have to wait. I had extra lids that fit really well too, so they should work really well as incubators as well. So, that's cool!

I also did laundry, including a hoodie from ages ago that hadn't been washed in years. So... all-in-all, I got a bunch of shit done today. All home stuff, which is nice.

The coup-de-grace of it all? I put in the Lowe's order. A terracotta saucer, a ceramic saucer, potting soil, a bag of sand and a length of PVC tubing that hopefully fits the mini pump I have (from my cat's old porcelain fountain that she didn't like). This should set the stage for a few test run projects.

I did some shopping online for trays and whatnot. God damn, everything is expensive nowadays, isn't it? -_- Like... I was hard-pressed to find a wooden tray of any kind that was under $20, plus shipping. What would be the slick fuckin move here would be... going to Goodwill. I bet Goodwill has a shit-ton of stuff that I could use, and cheap too. The catch? I have to fucking reserve and rent the shared car to do that trip. So, I have to plan a day that I'm going to be awake when Goodwill is open... have the car reserved... then pay for a trip specifically there. If I'm going to do that, I really want to go to the occult shop the next town over, too. I really want it to be like... a "day out on the town". And really... I could do that any day, right? BUT... my sleep is so fucked right now. I haven't been getting to sleep until like 7 or 8. It's never gotten this far before. So... do the math on that. 8am bedtime... 4 hours of sleep gets you to noon... 8 hours of sleep gets you to 4pm...

I don't even know how it gets to 8am, honestly. It's frustrating.

So yeah, again... insomnia and nocturnal tendencies turn really fucking simple things like "what day am I going to go out and go on a fun shopping trip" into "how can I reset my sleep schedule without being utterly sleep deprived the day-of... because I don't feel safe driving tired." The obvious answer to solve all of this? Get someone to drive me. I swear to god, one friend in my life would completely change my life. Because I would fucking love to go for a hike in actual nature, too. It's been so long.

So yeah, today was mostly just wandering around my apartment assessing what needs to be done and fixing up a few things, listening to Wagner's Tristan und Isolde and whatever YouTube Music brought me to after that... I cooked dinner at 2 AM. It was just a relaxed, no pressure, do whatever feels right, take care of the home day. And it was nice.

I rounded out the night by watching NKAVids' newest video on a freestyle skateboarding competition in Vancouver. It was... profound. Here, check it out if it seems appealing.

There were like 40 people there, tops. And it was like... the world's best freestyle skaters. And it was at a fucking State Fair and Rodeo. And he interviewed absolute legends of skating. The first pro skateboarder ever was there. The guys who like... created the sport. And hearing them talk was just like... so goddamn refreshing. So inspiring. I really felt like I was hearing my people speak.

But it also made my heart sink, and made me tear up at parts. There was a guy who was being interviewed, he was a mentor of Andy Anderson's, and he was talking about how like... the way people are being taught to skate is really fucking them up, and we really need to reassess the way we're teaching kids and introducing them to the sport. He was saying you really really need to teach kids to ride and manual and tic-tac way before ollie and kickflip and all that. And freestyle is all about that. He was going off about how every kid nowadays just wants to learn how to kickflip, like it's a right of passage. And honestly, you can blame --- okay, I'm not going to out specifically The Berrics here... XD --- you can blame Pop Culture for that. But I mean... come on... The Berrics literally has a series where they get pro skaters to yell out of a car "Do a Kickflip" and if the person can, they give them free shit. ... ... So... I mean... I'm just sayin... But it's more than just them, okay? It's a cultural thing. And the ollie is just as much to blame.

And what really hit me in the feels and the... well... the ever present shame... was when he was talking about how much pressure... how much peer pressure there is in the park. How you will get the shit teased out of you and pressured and pushed not just if you wear pads and a helmet... but if you don't know how to ollie or kickflip. I have been skating off and on since I was 13. I can't kickflip. I can kickflip inconsistently on a snowskate, but I have only kickflipped on a skateboard... maybe once or twice moving. But I did do a manual sidewalk snakerun at my old college that was... probably 150 feet long? And that fucker had big cracks in it, so I had to learn how to manual-ollie-manual over the cracks mid-way through the run.

His talk hit me hard because... I backed off of a lot of my skating because of shame and peer pressure. I am still hesitant to go skating at the local park because of peer pressure. The pressure to be as good as people might expect me to be. The pressure to be better than I am. The pressure to be able to consistently ollie onto a low box. I don't know. I developed a very unique style of skating because I never really gave a shit about what people thought and I just did what was fun... I also didn't learn a lot of tricks because of that, no one really offered to teach me... and I really lacked the social skills and confidence to just approach strangers and ask them to teach me... I was kinda just doing my own thing. But after taking a few years off and trying to come back? It was the judgement that freaked me out. Now I'm the older guy, so there's this expectation that I'm going to be good. And I'm not that good. And I feel compelled to like fucking... apologize for that. When I don't need to. And never should.

I saw representatives of a culture that is all about skating being a personal journey, and encouraging all people to find what they love on the board. And it warmed my heart so much. The first pro skater said skateboarding isn't a hobby or a sport, it's like a friend. It's a friend you reconnect with every time you go skate. And you should approach it the way you approach spending time with a friend. Go have fun, seek happiness. And that just really warmed my heart.

And I felt really sad that I've let the imaginary superficial judgments of others (which are all hypothetical in my head and never actually existed) prevent me from doing what I love. I feel bad that I've let that happen with so much of my life. And that is caving to peer pressure. Letting a parent talk you out of a career that you love because they "don't approve" or whatever. Letting a "friend" bully you out of learning a trick you think is cool. Going with what the crowd, or just with the people nearby, think is "cool"... so that you can appear "cool"... and they'll accept you and like you. I am really sad that I actually caved and did so much of that in my life.

It's weird, because a lot of my life... I have lived in quiet defiance of the protests of peer pressure. But I have ironically still conformed to other peer pressures at the same time, just from other cultures. And I'm still doing it, to some degrees. But I'm just gonna say this, and hopefully remember and live by it. Fuck what other people think. Fuck em. Haters are gonna hate. And hating seems super goddamn popular nowadays. Nothing more popular than correcting others, telling them how the majority is doing things, conforming and deliberately excluding those who don't fit your ideals.

The people who support you for who you are? They won't correct or pressure or unfairly judge you. And I hope to find them soon. I'm not sure I've ever had them around before.

Here, I'll use an example that's been rattling around my brain since last stream. When I last last streamed, a few months ago... that high school kid came in and was there for the stream. And I mentioned that one of the pieces I had on the docket was carving (at the time that was the plan) the goat skull, and making a quartz knife from scratch in order to do that. I was so stoked on this idea, I though it was really cool. And this kid, who specifically sought out my stream, has been watching for years, joined my Discord, has been in my chatroom for cumulatively probably over 100 hours now... he was weirded out by the skull as a project. ... And didn't seem interested in it at all. ... Does that mean I should abandon that project? XD I actually thought that for a while, it deflated my confidence and excitement, I actually bought that bullshit. Let me tell you what it actually means. This kid still, after all this time, doesn't know who the fuck I am. And probably doesn't really fully like the kind of content I produce. And probably just hangs out in my chat because it's a place he can go and talk about his Minecraft and Roblox shit who will actually listen to him. Because he has no friends. And, though he may not realize this, and may never realize it... that's very parasitic. And if he keeps doing it, regardless of how long he's been around, I'm going to have to boot him. Because he's there for the wrong reasons, and it sets a really bad example for others in chat.

So yeah, it's a shame that being a professional creative in our culture is entirely dependent on social acceptance... rather than... just being fucking creative. It completely derails creativity. "How to be creative - do what your fans want." Are your fans creative? If so, why the fuck are they consuming and not creating? If not, why the fuck am I listening to them?! It makes no goddamn sense. So yeah, I really want to remember this - when I run a project idea past a friend, it's not for approval... it's to get a gauge whether they support me as a creator or not. It's to see where they stand, and how they will be supporting me with that project. And I strongly suggest any true creative try to stick to that creed. Only you know what inspires you, what your vision is.

Don't let someone else snuff out your creative spark simply because of their own ego, or their lack of investment in or attention to your life. Whether it be art, or music, or skating, whatever. Be you, and seek those that love and support you for being you. And fuck the haters.

Tarot time! (Because I have the delivery coming tomorrow and it's already past 5)

Past - Nine of Wands, inverted (The Wounded Warrior.  Defense, guarding yourself. Suspicion, self-protection.  Need rest and recovery.) Present - Eight of Cups (Had enough, moving on.  No sadness, determination, courage, freedom.  New journey, closing of an old cycle and the start of a new one.  Inevitable change.) Future - Three of Pentacles (Teamwork, accomplishing more together.)

I shit you not, the Nine of Wands showed itself to me three separate times as I was shuffling. It was comical.

Again, I've gotten all these cards before... some I'm more familiar with, some I'm not... so I quickly copy-pasted the definitions and I'm going to try to read it from memory, just using the card imagery.

The thread starts with inverted Nine of Wands. Nine of Wands is the Wounded Soldier; tired, worn out, needing rest, needing to heal. Inversion on this I tend to read as being stuck in the wounded phase... or possibly not taking R+R time and trying to push through shit.

This is connected to Eight of Cups... this one I think I've only gotten once before and I'm not very familiar. It's a woman pouring out a cup, casting it aside. She looks like a mystic. There are seven more cups upright sitting outside of what looks like an abandoned house in the back. A quick glance at the summary I posted confirms my suspicions that this is basically... moving on. Casting the past aside and striding forward.

This is connected to Three of Pentacles... the helping hands. It's a rope being grasped by three hands. It symbolizes people coming together, teamwork.

So... because I've been stubbornly pushing forward and working myself to the bone. All day, every day... Either on projects, or on writing this, or on therapy, or on dream journaling, or working out... always working... Because I haven't really let my spirit heal... I've been struggling to move forward. To evolve. To get to the next step, of moving forward into a new chapter of life, with confidence; with excitement, even. And with that step forward... comes the helping hands I needed all along.

I'll be honest. I'm anxious of it. It's been so long since I've had friends... that... okay, it's more than just inexperience, it's experience with people who just gaslit the fuck out of me and blamed me for literally everything... and part of me believes it. I'm afraid that I'm gonna fuck it up. That I'm going to piss people off.

I hate that thought. I hate that it still sounds... like it makes sense. I look at a card just... illustrating the idea of teamwork, of people working together... and it makes me anxious. Anxious that it will happen, that I will make friends... and then I'm going to fuck it up. Oh... Oh... I'm starting to get it. Oh man, the brain is fucking weird how sneaky it can be. The "me fucking it up" part... that's a coverup. That's a deflection. It's a veneer, a façade so I don't see what's just past that. Because... when I "fuck up"... what happens? People get mad. People get angry. And they hurt me. They take things away from me. Opportunity. Social connections. Potential resources. And they say cruel things. And they leave. So... blaming myself... it gives me the illusion of control. Like... "if I can just be a perfect person, they'll never have a reason to hurt me or leave me."

Oh man. Yeah, it's easy to get trapped in that.

But it's all an illusion. Coming full-circle on the post, all that is necessary of a creative person is to be themselves. All I need to do is be me. And I'm getting so much better at comfortably being me. I shamelessly did laundry at 2AM on a Monday. And anyone comes along who doesn't support me being me, and tries to leverage... if I "change" me a little bit... then they'll support me... I need to step away from that. Knowing that there is something that I can do... not altering my behaviors, because that's something I need to do for myself, not others... but walking away when I see people trying to peer pressure, or alter, or change me or my creative expression... The agency I need lives in that, that simple gesture of... just walk away. And I feel like within the empowerment that the ever-present option of walking away gives me... lies the courage I need to put all this hiding and avoiding behind me. And finally get the community help I deserve. And maybe even reach my full potential, from which we all will benefit.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness #Youtube

[rogue-durin-16]

MATCHUP FOR:

Anonymous

Straight, 20, she/her. I'm kind and helpful, people come to me to vent or for advice and comfort. I'm also smart and ambitious, I love being the best at everything I do. I'm fairly introverted and it takes me a while to warm up to people. I'm very outgoing, fun and talkative around the people I'm comfortable with. I love learning about new knowing a little bit of everything. I love mischief and pulling harmless pranks but I do (unwillingly) play the role of the responsible adult sometimes. I adore adventures, witty and playful banter, joking around and having indepth discussions on anything and everything. I also daydream a lot and I'm quite the hopeless romantic!

I'm pretty competitive and I'm deathly afraid of failure and disappointing the people I love. I'm quite stubborn and dramatic and I get frustrated and agigated easily. I have a tendency of holding people at an arms length and I get very distant sometimes. I'm in my head a lot and this makes me a little clumsy and careless.

I love reading, my room is filled with stacks of books. My favorite genres are poetry, Russian lit and mysteries. I also enjoy true crime a lot. I find cooking and cleaning up really relaxing. I adore all forms of art and have quite a few creative hobbies, my favorite being interior design! listen to a lot of modern rock and I love watching psychological thrillers and romcoms. I have a lot of course work so my past times currently only consist of taking as many naps as I can.

I'm 5'9 and I have long and curly dark brown hair and brown eyes. I have a fair skin tone, I'm slim and I've got full lips and large eyes. I have prominent cheekbones and dimples that I really like! I mostly dress in relaxed suits, blazers and coats and I love the occasional dress or sweaters layered over a white button down. I almost always have a red lip on and I love wearing blush. Infp, 4w3.

Love language: Quality time and physical touch. Big three: Taurus sun, gemini moon and scorpio rising. Insecurities: My broad shoulders and the dark circles under my eyes and I do struggle with self esteem issues. Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw.

From Stranger Things I Ship You With:

Jonathan Byers

Ship Dynamic:

Forced Proximity Turned OTP™

Quote:

«The intimacy of being understood like a muse understands a painter, like a reader understands a book.»

When I say forced proximity, I mean forced proximity as in you two are completely unconnected to each other. You and Jonathan wouldn't end up together under any regular circumstances.

However, due to your curious nature and your thirst for adventure (honestly, having to be the best at everything might play a part too), you were in the wrong place at the wrong time (or should I say right?)

You find yourself joining Nancy, Steve, Jonathan and the party completely by accident. They quickly assess that you're a good asset to their gang, so you stick with them and save the world. Hell, the group is already odd enough, why not add another member?

So there's how you start to interact with Jonathan. I don't think you and Nancy would particularly get along at first, and Steve is... Well he's a jock, so you naturally find yourself gravitating towards Jonathan.

I feel like he would serve you a pretty acceptable yet unexpected banter. First it may come off as dry bc introvert+trust issues x introvert+trust issues, but the more you two warm up to each other, the more playful and loose it is.

Cue flirty banter as a form of communication.

The undeniable chemistry you two expose your friends to has them slack jawed. Do they root for you? Yes, are they baffled by it? Also yes.

Communicating with just glances and expressions.

Sharing humor full of inside jokes.

Finding things you have in common as soon as you loosen up around each other.

Excitedly commenting books you've read. Getting exponentially more excited the more you talk because you find out you read the same books.

Ending up at your house so Jonathan can see the dangerously big amount of books you have.

I do not make the rules okay yes I do, but you end up kissing oop-

MOVIE NIGHTS AT HIS PLACE MOVIE NIGHTS AT HIS PLACE MOVIE NIGHTS AT HIS PLACE

You being his muse when it comes to photography. He gets immense pleasure from taking photos of you while you're distracted doing something you like (designing for example).

You drag him into doing stupid and reckless shit like pulling pranks. He freaks out the first two ti but eventually loves it because you're so fun.

Being Jonathan's rock. He's always playing the parental figure in his house, so he'd definitely does that with you too, but he soon realizes you're more capable of taking care of him too.

Not Jonathan having a breakdown over that because he can finally reach out for help whenever he's drowning.

That said, you find out you don't have to play the responsible adult role if he's around, so it's a win-win situation for the both of you.

Getting along with Will straight away. You him develop his artistic aptitudes, jokingly bitch about Jonathan with him, offer him a confidant persona outside of his family, which is pretty much needed for kids his age who went through a lot, etc.

Big sister vibes.

Jonathan loves to see you interact with Will without interfering. He gets such a warm, comforting feeling, because it feels like you belong there, in his family.

Keep in mind that family is the most important thing to Jonathan, so this is like, A Big Thing™.

Random but Jonathan gets a silly little grin on his face whenever you kiss his cheek in a public place/when he's about to go out because having a red lipstick stain>>>>>.

Holding/brushing hands at all times, even before you date.

He boosts your self esteem in a big logical way, so it's not only sweet, it's also funny because why would you start with "you know objectively speaking-" or "it's proven that-". BOY YOU'RE COMPLIMENTING SOMEONE NOT SPITTING FACTS.

Jonathan is NOT a hopeless romantic but he IS hella thoughtful and has a knack for remembering the tiniest details about you, so you bet this boy is going to fuel that hopeless romantic side of yours.

#stranger things i ship you with #jonathan byers

[the-learning-bri]

I missed a day.

Which i guess means i’ve been on some type of roll.

So shoutout to missing a yes.

Yesterday was good.

8.9/10.

Started off a bit slow with a the slightest so most irritable of headaches and not being able to fall back asleep.

I diffused my lemon scent and read The handmaids tale and eventually knocked out for some hours.

•

Woke up with some urgency around 1:20 because i told cam i would get his bike to Milford.

It wouldn’t fit in cj so i walked it down the hill and rode ot to the next hill and walked it up the hill and rode it up milford then mostly walked ot up washington then rode it the parking lot.

I locked it to fence, correctly but incorrectly lol. The lock was facing out but it got the job done.

I walked back like it was 2015 with my 2017 book bag and Big Sean in my ears.

I brought the recycling bin up the driveway and was geeeted by mommy eating McDonalds french fries out her truck.

I hadn’t eaten anything really and that 20 minute journey took me out more than I’d ever want to admit. I had barely drank water.

I laid on the floor not drinking fiji and not eating famous amos until i did. Then i stretched my hips and watched RuPauls drag race with Z.

I said hi and thank you to Ms. Aunt Felicia. I smelled — of cologne?

She encouraged me not to go back to Pizza Hut and that I should strengthen my skills. She said everybodys looking for “coders”.

My dad said i wont do any “programming” over the summer and its challenge accepted.

I’d be lying if I said me coming back and cleaning my desk of wasnt highly motivated by this.

Now i’m really considering something part time that has to do with my field. She said to not go backwards. And to be fair i cant be swe stale for 4 months.

•

Z directed me through puttin my hair in an actual bun. It was cool. I had to use a split head band to get it all up and a regular one doubled-over to hold the actual hair like the bun shape. Imagine you’re making a n you want it to be tight. Bring your hand closer. THERE. It’s like a rolling a blunt. Some of it can fall out and you’ll stuff it in later. That’s why that looks like that. When you double a headband you want it to sit on top of itself. Okay now tuck the ones on the right side. Your right. Okay now pull the front down some. Okay niceeeee. 360. You have a couple sticking up in the back. Okay perfect :) How do you feel :) Do you like it :)

It took all of my patience and then some. I’ve never known how to do my hair. But the end result was cool once i was done whining. It lasted all night and into the morning. And looked like a bun that I would think was pulled up in 87 seconds. Maybe I’ll get there on day.

•

I got Diarra and me Chipotle. I learned I dont know any of the toppings. They didnt have veggies. I forgot the sauce. I saw them take it out but didnt see them not put it in the bag.

When I had went in it wasn’t raining. It was pouring when I came back out.

There are cameras on 83 and the rain followed me. But not fast enough.

We rolled up. There was some distillate in a syringe. It was cherry pie? We got halfway through before a necessary break on my end. We killed the chipotle and watched sports we didnt know existed. World chase tag. Flyball. Some type of foot volleyball. Dodgeball. Swamp soccer. Handboarding.

Chipotle was murdered in between there. And my blunt was resparked. I ate some of my graduation treat and most likely overstayed my welcome by like 15 minutes.

We got slurpies on the house and parted ways.

•

Once back home I got a pomodoro app and used it to kick me off but then only looked back once. I made a good amount of progress and the desk is workable and now I can really contemplate the futon and its placement if it even has a place up here.

I fell asleep under my gray blanket at the other end of the bed.

Overall great day.

•

Today I plan to go the pop up shop. Send Z a package with not everything I wanted. But things can come and go in parts i suppose. Help Uncle Allen make a facebook and organize some of his t shirts. Overall seems like a fulfilling day already.

I need to drink more water than yesterday. I want to keep cleaning up. Drink a smoothie. Do some stretching. Do some programming. Keep reading. Yesterday I started the courage to be disliked and its told in a nice narrative fashion. Get back to writing. Maybe some more camera research. Make a list of people for thank you cards. Keep listening to music. Kendrick drop yesterday and there are maybe 4 songs I haven’t heard.

As of right now, I’m feeling good. Will probably get up around noon. Maybe sooner, nothing later.

•

My girlfriends stirring is peaceful. It’s present. It’s familiar.

•

TDAIL : Evening is from about 17:00 - 20:00.

YIL: How to put a bun in my hair and that handboarding is only with one hand.

05/14/22 10:50

[medicinemane]

.

#man would it be better if I was gone #I mostly stick around because I should really get this house cleaned up for the person I want to leave it to #but man... there are many good reasons I should stop delaying and improve things by stepping out

[miekasa]

mie.. i’m going into another eren phase.. so can you pls tell me your fav boyfie eren hcs…

Yeah, why not. I have so many random ones because he is my boyfriend <333 so here you gp

sfw

Eren doesn't actually work out all that often. He’s always been athletic, so his exercise comes in the form of playing sports, but he doesn’t really go to the gym outside of playing/practice.

Loves cake pops, more often than not “treats himself” to one after an exam or assignment, or whenever he feels like it lmfao. He basically eats it all in one bite, keeps the stick in his mouth to fidget with until he finds a trashcan. 

Likes seeing you in his hoodies because, well, it’s his hoodie on you; but mostly because of the size of the actual hood on you. He thinks it’s so funny but also pretty cute how the hood alone swallows you up. 

Grocery shopping with you is one of his favorite activities. He rarely goes by himself—if not with you, then with Mikasa or Armin—and all he really does is follow you around the store and occasionally put some stuff in the cart, but he still loves it. He likes running and then jumping on the cart like it’s a scooter. 

No matter how many makeup tutorials he watches, or how many times he watches you do your own makeup, he doesn’t really understand how it works lmfao. He likes watching it, and he thinks you look pretty if wearing makeup is your thing, but he baffles him how a little tube of concealer brightens your under eye.

Speaking of which, he sits criss cross applesauce either on your bed or on the toilet if you’re in the bathroom, while he watches you do your makeup. Counts the steps in his head, always confuses the contour and bronzer. It’s okay, he’s learning. 

He both likes and dislikes FaceTime. He likes the convenience of it (and will abuse it by calling you even tho you’ve just barely left his house), but he would much rather just go and see you; so he does. Unless there’s something keeping you apart, Eren will make the effort and the trip to go and see you, even if it’s late at night. 

He gets warm very easily, but always has some sort of coat/outerwear on him, even if it’s just a light windbreaker. He usually ends up hanging it over your shoulders or telling you to wear it because you “look cold” when he wants to take it off. 

He walks just like a half step behind you; technically still by your side, but trailing you by the tiniest amount. That way he gets to be with you and watch you, and also steer you away from anything/anyone else he sees ahead while you’re walking. 

If he notices your shoelaces are untied, he gently pokes your shoulder to get you to stop, then bends down and ties them for you. 

His phone case is brown leather, and has your initials engraved at the very bottom in a very tiny, dark green font. 

Likes walking around with you at night so congrats on having your own personal guard dog for Safety lmfaoo. Sometimes you guys don’t even talk; he just wants to hold your hand and wander around, and just be with you for a little bit. 

He is the one putting hair ties on YOUR gear shift and around YOUR wrist. Marking his territory lmfaooo

Learns to like coffee in college, and learns your Starbucks order pretty quickly. He’s got a very small addiction, but he always buys you a cup when he gets his own, so at least it’s beneficial for you. He doesn’t usually have much an extreme sweet tooth, but he takes his coffee with quite a few pumps of syrup and/or sweetener. 

Eren loves hugs, and once he starts getting them, he refuses to go with out them. Back hugs are his favorite, whether it be you hugging him from behind, or him doing it to you; either works for him, both feel like heaven. 

You know when it’s time to head home after a party/hanging with your friends because Eren will drape himself over you and gradually apply more of his body weight the more tired/drunk he gets. Regardless of whether or not he’s sloshed, he’ll still press very light and innocent kisses onto your neck and ears. 

Turns out he really likes getting kisses on his cheeks. It always takes him by surprise; his eyes widen and his eyebrows raise just a bit, but he usually evens out his expression before you pull back, so you don’t see. What you do see is the sorta glazed over, happy look in his eyes, and if you look closely, you might see his pupils dilate, too. 

He actually doesn’t mind reading, he just never thinks to read in his free time. When he does remember, and what he’s reading is interesting to him, he finishes the book pretty quickly—a few days, maybe a week at most—it’s kind of impressive. Then he goes on to not look at another book for a good five months lmfao. 

Asked you what detergent and fabric softener you used on your sheets, then bought the exact same products to do his laundry with. 

He picks you up pretty often. It’s not always tossing you over his shoulder, or carrying you bridal style, but if he needs to get to something behind you in the kitchen he’ll just. Just pick you up, turn, plop you down, get what he needs, pick you up, turn around again, and plop you right back into place. Like a doll. 

Actually very good and very meticulous when it comes to cleaning. Not a single hard water stain in sight on your dishes. Sparkling countertops and tables, your oven has never looked shinier than when he’s done with it. 

Doodles on his notes when he’s bored in class. Doodles on your notes if he’s bored in class and you’re there, too. 

He claims to not get jealous easily, but he definitely does. His methods of dealing with it are either to (a) pout (usually only happens when he gets jealous of someone you’re telling him about), (b) find an excuse to pull you away from this other person, (c) be extremely cold to this other person, (d) pretend to be sick/tired/hungry as an excuse for you to be concerned about him/dote on him in front of this other person (this is his favorite method). 

Will push your phone down/into your face if you’re laying down using it or just scrolling through your feeds. Thinks it’s peak comedy, always runs away with a little shit grin on his mouth. 

He’s always tuned into you, and sometimes physically turned to you, even in a larger conversation with other people around. Finds a way to pull you into the convo if you’ve been on the quieter side, nudges at your side under the table to bother you when you’re distracted, frequently looks at you even if someone else is talking. 

nsfw/suggestive

Eren really likes lazy sex, and it’s arguably one of his favorites; and for someone who’s not a morning person, he sure does like morning sex. He does this thing where he wakes up at like eight in the morning, starts feeling up on you, and eventually very lazily fucks you before you even have the chance to say good morning, then crashes and sleeps for another two hours. Sometimes he doesn’t pull out. 

Always gets hard when you do try on hauls of the new clothes you’ve bought; whether it be via FaceTime or in person. You could be showing him your new sweatpants, and he’ll still find it sexy. 

Can and will find time to grope you whenever possible. Getting water from the kitchen means you’re getting your ass smacked while you open the fridge. Putting on your shoes also means you’re getting your ass smacked when you bend over. Standing around debating on what to wear for the day means he’s coming up behind you to put his hands on your boobs. Doing your skincare routine in the bathroom means he’s got his hands on your hips squeezing at your skin. 

Likes being bitten. Will tell you to bite him; he’ll lean down while he’s fucking you, smile wickedly when you grab and claw at his back, and you’re gasping against his shoulder, “Wanna hurt me? Go ahead, baby, do your worst.” 

He loves making out with you, even if it doesn’t lead to sex; actually, sometimes, he prefers it that way. You make his head spin just by kissing him, and there’s a special kind of bliss of just rutting against each other without fucking that he loves. 

Lovesssss taking mirror selfie’s with you on his lap and your back to the mirror, especially right after sex. Your head resting on his shoulder and he just barely murmurs, “Stay right there, don’t move.” Might start a collection of pics like that.

Tugging on his ear acts as encouragement, but somewhat surprisingly, that sole action doesn’t necessarily turn him on; it doesn’t turn him off, and he likes it, but it’s more... soothing? than sexual to him. What you should do instead is put your hand on the back of his neck/touch the hair near his nape. 

He could have done all the work, but will still wrap you in his arms and kiss your head and tell you how good you are, how good you were to him. He really does think you fucked him 9/10 times and takes pride in it too lmaooo

Holds your jaw open with one hand, presses the index and middle fingers of his other hand against your tongue, and watches your spit pool around him. He exhales slowly at the sight, moving his fingers around to coat them evenly before pulling them out of your mouth and separating them; watches a thin line of spit connect them and groans. 

Holds you jaw a lot, actually: when you’re kissing, when you’re blowing him, when he’s on top and fucking you, when he’s fucking you from behind, he’ll pull you up with one hand, use two fingers and turn your head to the side so he can kiss you. 

It’s him that kinda loses it first most of the time; that gets that fucked out, hazy look in his eyes, that makes everything feel like too much so his head drops to your shoulder and he resorts to biting at your neck to further stimulate you. 

Likes sucking on your tongue when you kiss. Falls in love with you all over again on the spot when you do it back to him. 

You could just barely put your hands on him and Eren will groan, mutter about how you’re so sexy and how badly he wants to fuck you. Could just lay back with your chest heaving from kissing him and he’s got hearts in his eyes and his dick is hard. 

#anonymous #sick and twisted and lovely and precious my boyfriend ladies and germs!!!!! #eren x reader #aot x reader #eren fluff #eren smut #eren jaeger x reader #eren.ask

[sukirichi]

reckless [01.]

With a lackadaisical playboy as your boss, being reckless wasn’t an option. But on the one time you let loose and made mistakes, your life is shattered, and now you’re playing house with your insufferable boss who is the father of your baby.

✘ cw. explicit smut, accidental pregnancy, playboy! gojo, slight angst

✘ note. dedicated to wifey @7tsumurai​ who also made the banner and always supports me and showers me with love aaaa i love you baby <3 also this fic is mostly romance and fluff so i hope you enjoy this as much as i did writing it! thank you to @chosonore​ for pr-ing UWU. and we get like...10-15 chapters of this?!

one  ✘  two  ✘  three

You shouldn’t be doing this.

The night was young; streaks of gold flashing with the shimmering jewellery collared on your neck, the romantic humming of the violins pairing perfectly with the champagne that fizzed in your hand. It was supposed to be another day at work where you accompanied your boss to one of his events, considering the Casanova refused to bring his girlfriends in fear they might get the wrong idea he liked them outside the bed. It should be just another day at work; you’ve accompanied him hundreds of times before. Today wasn’t any different.

And yet it was.

You blamed it on the alcohol. On the slow dancing. On the fact he hadn’t stopped complimenting you all night and you’d been so stressed, the amount of planning and sleepless nights sacrificed in exchange of preparing for this event made you grab for three more flutes, the touch of your undeniable attractive boss permanent on your waist.

Satoru was equally aggravated. You’d worked him long enough to recognize even the smallest of cues, and the fact you’d spend nearly every hour of the day working with him for weeks straight in the office let you know he needed to let off some steam.

And what better way to relieve both of your tensions if not to give in to the cloud of lust?

The sultry gazes, the clashing perfumes between rose and musk, and the alcohol – the fucking alcohol – that gave way to you succumbing to your desire just this once.

There were no more thoughts – or if there were, they were muddled – as you kissed him back just as passionately, forgetting the fact his stylist spent an hour gelling his hair back to perfection as your eager fingers traced over his scalp. How you ended up in the back of limousine was beyond you, and neither was it your biggest concern when Satoru insisted you kept your heels on; his large hands caressing all the way from the ankle pressed beside his waist up to your waist.

You felt his daft fingers move the lacy thong you wore especially for tonight (not because you expected something, but the boost in confidence felt necessary) before he slides inside almost too easily.

Both your gasps and moans are swallowed in the stuffy compartment, windows fogged saved for the handprint you’d left when he hit a sensitive spot. He was moaning in your neck, skin slippery and sweaty as you slid from one another, seemingly never staying from one place as your hands treaded through his hair down to rake your nails on his back; his touch angry on your hips before his thumb found home in your clit.

As much as you hated him, hated his reputation, you couldn’t deny he really earned his title for being an absolute god in sex. You were no virgin, but you’d never felt this good, never felt this alive as bruises began to form in your skin and his lips hungrily sought out yours.

“S-Sir...”

“Satoru,” he corrected through your lips, the kiss barely even one when you were too busy moaning left and right. Satoru hitched your leg up to fold it right beside your waist, allowing him to explore deeper territories that not even you could mark.

His stare on you is perverted; openly wanton as he lets his empyrean gaze snake down to where your bodies connected. It was embarrassing to be this spread wide open for him, though it didn’t matter much, not when you clutched onto his bicep for dear life and panted breathlessly. He was kissing you everywhere – smearing your lipstick all over your lips and his, a stain of red on his hard, white collar and love bites marked deep into your collarbones and under your breasts. You tightened around him once he changed his rhythm into a more sensual one; the quick pace replaced with him pulling out slowly – inch by delicious inch until you felt empty with each growing second – before slamming back inside with fervidity that he never quite possessed behind his desk.

He groaned at your walls clenching down on him, his hips stuttering in the process. “Call me Satoru.”

“Satoru,” you moaned out, and his next sounds were pained. Pained because you sounded too gorgeous, felt too good, and with you following his hips thrust by thrust, neither of you would last any longer. Not even as you shake your head, lips swollen as you remind him, “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“We shouldn’t,” he agreed with a curled lip, sweat beading from the streaks of his white hair. “But I want you – god, you’re so beautiful tonight. Need to fuck you good—”

Gojo Satoru, one of the most eligible bachelors in the entire South East Asia and ranked as the second richest man in his early twenties, was a man of his word despite his reputation. Just as he was praised and fawned over for his beauty, charisma, and power, he was equally hated for breaking the hearts of women and treating his past ‘lovers’ like they were objects. The news were so confident of it; that he fooled them, played around with them, but behind the scenes, you knew Satoru wouldn’t do such a thing – from the first time he laid his eyes on someone, he made it extremely clear they were not to be attached. Everything with him was physical and sensual – anything beyond that would simply be out of character.

You weren’t surprised that he really did keep his word and fuck you good, because you couldn’t feel your legs the next morning and even though it had been hours, you still very much felt the shape of him carve through you.

The bastard wouldn’t stop laughing, of course, snickering under his breath every now and then each time he saw you grimace from doing simple things such as standing up and giving him the files he asked for. Perhaps it was because your dislike for him was apparent that Satoru quickly went back to fooling around, pretending you didn’t exist and only approaching you when need be. There were still moments you had to clean his mess up for him; taking his drunken phone calls at 3am because he got wasted in a bar, or doing the same for his current sex buddy who he didn’t want to stay in his home.

He was terrible, terribly awful that you despised this part of him.

You were only grateful enough that neither of you brought that night up ever again, for no matter how immensely hellish of an experience it had been, it was also something you’d really rather not be reminded of.

But now, there was no more running away from it. The truth stared at you blatantly in the form of two white lines that had appeared four times already from previous tests.

You were pregnant.

The world had never been that heavy on you. You had a rough upbringing, but it was a household filled with love and patience that it was innate in your nature to keep strong, be levelled, continue moving forward even during the times it felt like everyone and everything was going against you. You’d been through so much worse and you can do this, but you still couldn’t stop the tears that pushed from your eyes, your heart shattering the same time you dropped the stick.

“No, we won’t cry, it’s okay. I can handle this – I’m strong,” you repeated to yourself like a mantra, taking deep breaths to stabilize yourself. Clearly, this was unexpected, but you wanted to do your best, had to do your best. You didn’t have time to lose your composure, so you quickly fished your phone out your purse to dial the person you trusted the most.

“Rei...?”

Your best friend picked up on the second dial. “Sweetheart, where have you been?! I’ve been calling you for like hours now and you’re not picking up, I heard you called in sick for work and you never do that even when you’re about to pass out!” Some shuffling could be heard from the background before she spoke again, her tone a lot more gentle in response to your muted sniffles. “Is there something going on? Do you need me to drop by there right now? Tell me what you need; I’ll be there right away.”

“No, no, Rei, it’s fine, I just...”

“Sweetie,” she sighed, “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

You nodded even though she couldn’t see it. Rei had been there for you in everything, starting from when you newly arrived in the city; fresh-eyed and hopeful for new opportunities. She’d been there when you first complained your boss was a creepy flirt, all the way until you’d made peace with said boss and remained firm in your boundaries. But those boundaries had clearly been crossed – no, rather, you erased those boundaries. You were drunk enough to give in to the need to be touched, but sober enough to consent to everything that happened. You couldn’t place this all on him.

“I’m pregnant,” you said eventually, voice barely above a whisper as you added, “And Satoru’s the father.”

Rei stopped munching on her – you assume – bagel.

“Satoru? Gojo Satoru, your boss, bonafide casanova, the face on billboards and one of the most “eligible” bachelors in the country, billionaire Gojo Satoru?” she let out in one breath, the image of her flipping her hand out in the air in disbelief as clear as day. “Am I really hearing this right? I’m not going crazy, am I?”

You sighed.

“We were drunk. I slept with him.”

“Did that bastard force himself on you?”

“No, gosh, never,” you defended with widened eyes, sitting back down on the toilet with the lid now closed. You couldn’t look at the tests even if you dared yourself to, the plastic bag concealed in the garbage or else you’d feel sick all over again. “I-I wanted it too...we just got carried away and the night was just...I don’t know. I don’t know what came over me and why I did that, but there’s no point in fretting about it because I’m carrying his baby now.”

“Well,” she started unsurely, “What are you going to do?”

“I’m keeping it. There’s no way I would even consider abortion.”

“But what about him?”

The back of your head throbbed in pain. Just thinking about his stupidly handsome face made you want to throw up once more. “I don’t really want to tell him, but he has a right to know that he’s going to be a father.”

“Will he even take responsibility for it?”

You swallowed nervously, nibbling on your thumbnails before snatching your hand away. Composure was something you didn’t struggle with; you were the more reliable one in the duo of you and Satoru, but you had a bad habit of picking on your nails whenever you were anxious. Had it not been for Satoru flicking your nails away from your mouth each time you dazed out a little bit, you would’ve never gotten rid of the habit, but it all came crashing back down on you in an instant.

A heavy knot formed in your belly.

“Most likely not, I know how he’s like. He loves his single life so much that he’d never allow to be tied down like this. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he tells me he doesn’t want it.”

“What an asshole!”

“Yeah, he is, but I don’t need him in my life,” you reinstated, finally feeling more confident the longer you talked to Rei. She was your instant hype machine in more ways than one; her presence itself gave you the reassurance you could handle everything your way. With hope blooming in your chest, you picked yourself of the toilet and wiped away your tears. You could do this – you can handle this. Not just for you, but this baby growing in you as well.

“In our life. I’m more than capable of taking care of the baby myself,” you told her, gaze hard and determined as your sunken reflection stared back at you in the mirror. Sighing, you shook your head and pictured Satoru’s face, already picturing a thousand ways this could go wrong. Only one way to find out.

“I have to go now. He needs to hear about this and then I’ll resign. Probably move back home – anywhere that’s away from him.”

“Doesn’t the baby deserve to meet their dad?”

“Their dad doesn’t even want to be one,” you muttered bitterly and threw your sweater back on, refusing to kick yourself around any harder. Now wasn’t the time to be illogical; you were now a mother and had to be responsible now more than ever. But first, you needed some well-deserved rest after endless agonizing of missing your period, along with the baby drop that until now, had shook you to your core. “I’ll call you back, Rei. I’m very tired.”

“You let me know if you need anything, okay?” Humming in response, you ended the call and crawled back to bed.

It wasn’t that you felt lonely, but you didn’t feel particularly belonging anywhere. You were far from home in a city that felt like the future, and each day you come home, it was mostly just a place to rest before you went back to work the next day. It was a dull, empty routine that you’d gotten used to, but never had it sunk deep into you that you did felt completely hollow.

But not anymore.

You were with your baby now, and as much as it scared you shitless to be a mother with zero preparation and knowledge, you were confident things were going to be okay.

Wrapping an arm around your belly, you had the best sleep you’d had in years.

You’d just have to worry about tomorrow. Hopefully, and you quite prayed harder than you ever did before, Satoru would let you go and keep things less complicated than it already was.

“No,” Satoru shook his head, his words dropping like a heavy boulder in the middle of nowhere. You stood in front of him shock still, hands wrung solid beneath your belly. Satoru merely shook his head, brushing back his gelled hair with a dry laugh. “No, what are you even thinking? You’re not resigning.”

You pursed your lips. “I wasn’t really asking for permission, Sir.”

Truth be told, you expected this sort of reaction from him. It may be true that you and Satoru never got along in personal levels since he was too crass and you much stiff, but it couldn’t be denied you worked well together. You balanced each other’s flaws and brought out the best in one another. If someone had asked you years ago prior to you being employed by the heir if you could even tame the renowned free spirited man, you would’ve said probably not, but after sharing struggles and quite literally forcing one another to do better, you both reached highs neither expected to achieve.

It was an experience and a whole lot lessons learned working with him.

Unfortunately, all things must come to an end, and you had to leave even if Satoru negated to it.

“We’ve been working together for years. Do you know how many people I fired and have resigned all because they’re not equipped for the job?” he plopped down atop his desk, loosening his tie out of frustration. The simple gesture made you swallow and look away – it felt impossible to look at him any other way than a boss now that you had his baby inside you. Thankfully, Satoru was mouthy as usual that he pulled you back from your train of thoughts as he gestured between the both of you. “You and I are perfectly compatible – I can’t let you go like that. I’m sorry, but I need you. There’s no one else I can work with this functionally. No one else is as willing to tolerate my bullshit except you and...I need you to stay.”

You clenched your teeth at the desperation in his voice.

Satoru admitting he needed people was one thing. But him asking others to stay? It may have just been for your value as the only person who had put up with him in both his best and worst times that made him feel that way, but you had to keep your foot down on the ground.

You wouldn’t let him sway you like this.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and willed all your energy to spring forth. “Sir...I’m more than thankful for all the opportunities, it truly was a pleasure working with you but—”

“Is this because we slept together?” he cut you off, your shoulders tensing. Upon your silence, Satoru heaved himself away from the desk and took cautious step towards you, stopping a foot away when you stepped back defensively.

You almost wished you didn’t know him so well. His eyes shone with a flicker of hurt before he masked it just as quick as it had came – for Gojo Satoru was a master of many things, and a great actor was one of them. Cautious, you had to be cautious, and you clenched your fists behind your pencil skirt as you tore your gaze away from his pleading ones. “It is, isn’t it?” he affirmed with a clear of his throat, looking just as lost as you did. Satoru stuttered for a minute before he eventually composed himself, but even then, he didn’t sound half as sure as he wanted to be.

“Listen, whatever happened that night, we can forget about it if you want. We’re both adults and professionals – we can put this aside us and just go back to normal. You don’t have feelings for me, right? So then it shouldn’t be a big deal.”

“Satoru...it’s not like that.”

“Then what is it?” he demanded, aggravated. Satoru began to round his desk and pulling out little white envelopes, stacking them before you in a haste. “Do you want a pay raise? A new car so you could get to work easily? O-or perhaps a bigger house where you can work more comfortably, somewhere nearer to the office? All you have to do is tell me and I’ll give you what you want. There’s no need for you to resign, this company has given you everything and we’ve got so much offer just as you could still be great—”

“I’m pregnant.”

Satoru’s slender fingers halted around the pen hovering over a cheque slip. “What?”

“I said I’m pregnant,” you exhaled, biting down on your bottom lip to prevent yourself from quivering. A quick sweep from your face to gather sincerity trailed down to your belly, staring at you hard enough as if he had the ability to look through your soul. “And you’re the father.”

“Is that true? Is...is it really mine?”

“Yes sir,” you nodded, “I’m not telling you this because I expect that you’ll be responsible for it. No offense, sir, but I’d really rather raise the baby alone. Plus, I understand that you’ll never settle down or suddenly abandon your old ways just to—”

“Stop right there,” he raised a palm, “You mean to tell me you’re resigning because you thought I wouldn’t take responsibility for it? For you?”

The hurt in his voice and expressions were evident, lip curled in disgust; not for you, but rather of himself. Satoru was the type of man that couldn’t be withered down even with the harshest of rumours; you’d never seen him be affected before by tabloids and nasty ex-girlfriends who only slept with him for money or fame, only to talk smack about him afterwards. But now, he was crumbling before you, and you didn’t know quite what to say or feel over the vulnerability present in his cerulean eyes. It almost pained you know that you caused this – for the comforting, blue sky to be tainted with a thunderstorm that hinted of anger, of disappointment, of betrayal.

But could he blame you for not thinking the best of him?

“I’ve worked with you for years, sir, I know you.”

“Clearly not well enough,” he chuckled sarcastically, “Admittedly, I’m surprised, but not upset. The only thing that I’m upset about is that you actually believed it would be better to raise the baby – our baby – alone like I don’t even have a right to be in their life. Sure, it was an accident, but we made that. That’s our child and I’m going to take care of you and be a great father, even if you don’t think I’m capable of it.”

“Sir, I didn’t mean—”

“That’s the first time you said something stupid. That’s our baby. We’re a family now,” Satoru’s hesitance had vanished into thin air as he was on you the next instant, hands shaky before they landed on your shoulders. It was meant to be a comforting gesture; a reassuring one, yet you couldn’t help but flinch and falter under his gaze. As if getting the message, he quickly retracted his hands and shoved them deep inside his pockets with a sigh. “You don’t need to resign or worry about anything else. I promise I’ll give you both the life you deserve, just...just please don’t go. Now that I know we have a baby, there’s just no way I can let go of this and pretend I never heard of this at all.”

You swallowed, rubbing your sweaty palms on your skirt.

Out of all the different scenarios you stayed up late at night to turning your head in one by one, none of them included this. Undeniably, he was an asshole to most, but maybe he was right.

He hadn’t done anything wrong to you and he was still the father of your baby; he deserved a chance. Satoru had the right to be the father he was willing to be. You could already tell this might completely turn into one big mess, but his eyes were so hopeful, his smile so nervous yet expectant that you couldn’t help but say –

“Okay,” you relented.

His reaction was instantaneous. Satoru beamed and lounged at you, arms wide open for an embrace before realizing at the last second you could stab him with a pen and not regret it. One warning glare sent his way and he was retracing his arm behind his head, pretending to stretch with an off-tune whistle.

The sudden switch between pained and enthusiastic gave you whiplash, but you really shouldn’t be surprised. This was Gojo Satoru in the first place – he was as unpredictable as nothing was permanent and lasting to him.

It could be both a blessing and a curse.

For the sake of your baby, you genuinely hoped it was the former.

Not wanting him to get too ahead of himself since you still didn’t trust him enough, you raised a finger to poke him in the chest. Right now, you were no longer his secretary that openly despised him but added six sugar cubes in his coffee just as he liked anyway, but rather a woman who shared this mess with him, and as the mother of his child. You had to be strong. Being with Satoru felt like playing with fire, and you had far too much at stake – both of you did – but you weren’t privileged and fortunate like Satoru. One bad thing thrown his way could be brushed off, but for you? Everything you worked hard for could disappear just like that.

If you really chose now to play with fire, you had to be careful not to be the gasoline that ignited things to burn down into ashes.

“Satoru,” you stressed with your lips pressed into a thin line, “The only thing I expect from you is to be is a good father to our child. I know that it would be difficult for you to be a new person in a day and that your old habits won’t die right away, so please do what you can to be a good parent, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. I promise you don’t have to worry about me getting in the way of your life as well.”

His smile slowly vanished.

“Is that how low you really think of me?” he echoed rather sadly, “That I would still sleep around knowing I’ve got a family now?”

“We’re not a family, Sir. I have no intentions of marrying you nor would I ever want it. I’m just staying for the baby.”

“Fine. For the baby, let’s both do our best,” he crossed his arms on his chest, pumping out the hard muscles from how tight his shirt was. You were stuck between wanting to slap him or be closer to him; the hormones too much of a mess that you had to grip your thigh for restraint. “But tomorrow, you’re moving in with me. I’m going to take care of you from now on – I’ll get you whatever you need so whatever it is, just tell me. My credit card is yours to use as well.”

Move in with him? You wanted to laugh. That was the last thing you would want to happen.

“Sir, it’s fine, I’m capable of taking care of myself.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t, but I want to take care of you both,” he reiterated, growing slightly annoyed from your rigidness. You professed that you were being difficult right now, but it was much better than being easy around someone like him.

“We don’t have to be friends or lovers, alright? I know you don’t see me that way and I’m probably repulsive in your eyes – which is understandable since you always clean my mess up for me – but as a father, at least, let me do my job. There doesn’t have to be anything between us other than a mutual want to be good parents. Is that alright with you?”

You mulled the thought over in your head. So he was capable of being sensible sometimes, and after a few moments of silence, you narrowed your eyes at him.

Still suspicious and your guard was most definitely still up, but he was right. You both had a mutual want to be good parents and that was the most important thing right now. Everything else that complicated matters would be handled afterwards.

“I’m okay with that, but I would have to set down lots of boundaries if I’m living with you.”

“So you’ll really stay with me then?” You regretted nodding in response because Satoru was now fishing his phone out, a goofy smile on his face.

He took the news...surprisingly well, and you didn’t know what to make of it.

“Perfect! I’ll have your room prepared!” You tried to grab his arm to stop him from going overboard; knowing full well Satoru always had rushes in which he impulsively overdoes things. He might turn your room into some sort of grand suite that you wouldn’t really like, but he was far too excited and lost in his own thoughts that your words went from one ear and out the other. “Fuck,” he laughed to himself, “I’m going to be a dad.”

Whether it was relief or anxiety that bubbled through you, you had no idea.

It was definitely anxiety.

Satoru felt like a hyper child to be around, and as much as you were grateful that he was happy about this, you also wished he would calm down. You didn’t even have enough chance to settle in before he’s shoving you inside room by room, announcing that what was his was also yours and he would have a baby room set up next week.

You followed him around like a puppy as he marched into the kitchen, mumbling incoherently to himself about baby proofing furniture.

“Sir,” you called out, “Sir, listen to me. We need to talk about boundaries.”

Satoru blinked owlishly at your tired eyes, sheepishly smiling at you. It must’ve dawned on him that his speed tour of his penthouse felt a lot more overwhelming than welcoming, and he sat you down on the island stools before drumming his fingers impatiently on the cool marble. “Sorry, you were saying? I kind of got carried away.”

Carried away was far an understatement.

“I said, we need to talk about boundaries.”

“Oh, yeah, right,” he paused with a furrow in his brow. “Also can you just call me Satoru? We’re going to be parents anyway and it’s awkward if you keep uh, calling me Sir.”

“Fine,” you rolled your eyes, not really in the mood to argue with him right now. You had to keep intact with him while you still had his full attention. Taking out a little notepad you prepared the night before, you slid it over Satoru who tilted his head to the side rather cutely to read it. “So here are my boundaries. One, I don’t want this pregnancy to be announced in the media unless I’m ready. I understand that we can’t keep this a secret forever but I need time to process this. Two, just because we’re living in the same roof together doesn’t mean that I get to go anywhere and everywhere with you. I’m going to work by myself—”

“No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“I said no,” he repeated more firmly this time. “You’re pregnant and I want to make sure you’re safe at all times. I’m driving you to work.”

“Didn’t you just hear what I said? I don’t want to be seen with you.”

“You’re my secretary. People see us together all the time.”

“But you never drove me to work! I live far from the office and I most definitely don’t drive an Audi.”

“Things change, that’s your life now,” Satoru shrugged nonchalantly, stealing the pen you twirled in your hands. The sudden contact sent jolts of electricity from your knuckles, one that had you recanting your hands back to yourself. Satoru didn’t seem to notice as he crosses out the second rule, “Sorry not sorry but I don’t want to let you go places like that. Fine by me if you don’t want me to drive you, but at least have one of the chauffeurs take you somewhere if you really don’t wanna be seen with me.”

“Fine,” you gritted your teeth. Compromise, compromise, meet in the middle – you repeated to yourself to keep your sanity. “Rule number three: I don’t want you changing your attitude around me. We may have a baby on the way, but you’re still my boss and I want to keep our relationship professional.”

“You’re saying I’m not allowed to fall in love with you?”

You flicked his forehead, effectively erasing the teasing grin he wore. “That’s not going to happen,” you interjected irritably, although your heart skip a beat. That was a massive red flag already; you could never be too comfortable with him. For Satoru, his little comments here and there may come naturally and probably meant nothing to him, but there was a chance you could receive it with different interpretations. Shaking your head at him, you ignored his grumblings on how ‘mean’ you were. “We’re never going to be a couple. We’re just raising a child together. I don’t want you acting weird or too comfortable with me.”

Satoru scratched the side of his head as he mulled about it, “Are we allowed to be friends, at least? I understand the professional part, but I can’t imagine the both of us getting along for nine months and more when we act like boss and employee even alone at home,” before you could say anything, Satoru raised his hands in surrender. “I promise I won’t do anything weird to you. No offense, but you’re not really my type, so same as you, I view you platonically.”

Right. The heart surely was stupid and confusing.

You didn’t want him getting any ideas that this could lead to something more, but at the same time, it hurt a little to know you weren’t his type.

Hiding that pang of hurt behind a tight lipped smile, you forced yourself to agree with him. “I view you professionally, Sir.”

“Satoru.”

“Whatever,” you grumbled. “Rule number four: don’t bring home any of your fuck buddies or flavour of the night. I really don’t care if you sleep around, but respect my privacy and my standing as the mother of your childIf you’re really desperate to get your dick wet, go fuck them somewhere else.”

“You’ve never been this vulgar with me.”

He wasn’t wrong about that. Despite countless of times that he tried being friendly with you to ease your stiffness in the office, you always shot him down.

You came to the city to work and provide for your family, not to be friends with your annoyingly hot boss who enjoyed his life way too much. Unlike him, you were more work than play, and eventually Satoru respected the fact you would never speak or treat him casually.

Until now.

“Try being in my shoes and see if you’d still have the patience of a saint,” you mumbled under your breath, sighing when Satoru’s smile got more awkward. “Listen, Satoru, I don’t mean to be difficult, okay? It’s just...this is a lot. This isn’t just us about anymore – we’re going to be parents and that’s a huge responsibility. It’s not only our lives changing here, a child will be relying on us in the future and I simply want to be a good mother, but I also don’t trust you very well to be comfortable enough to act like we’re suddenly friends.”

“I understand that.”

“Good.”

“Do you have rule number five?”

“No, not really, but I can add more as we go.”

“I have a rule number five,” he piped in, flipping the notepad his way as he scribbled something down. “And it’s that if you need help – and I mean with anything – you would let me help you. I’ve worked with you for a long time and I’m not dumb enough to not notice you like to do things by yourself. Like you said, things are different now, and especially with this pregnancy, you’re not alone in this. You need to let me take over the wheel sometimes. I can’t be just a passenger in the car – you and I are both in this together.”

“Just keep your hands to yourself.”

“That’s easy,” he chirped, and there was that uncomfortable knot in your chest again. However, it didn’t sink in too deep because Satoru was blatantly staring at your belly, a small smile tugging at his lips. “So do we have a name for them already?”

“Satoru, I’ve only been a few weeks pregnant, I don’t—”

Conflicting his previous statement that he’d keep his hands to himself, Satoru suddenly dropped to his knees. You watched with wide eyes, too flabbergasted to move as he places his ear on your belly.

“Hi there, little one,” he spoke in a soft tone, large hands caressing the tiny bump beginning to form. You couldn’t move; hell, you could barely breathe from how comforting his touch seemed in contrast to your mind ringing warning bells above. His voice quickly pulled you back to reality as he flattened his palm, white lashes fluttering against the cotton of your shirt. “I’m your daddy; I can’t wait to meet you. Daddy promises to take good care of you and make you the happiest kid ever, alright? You don’t have to worry about anything as long as I’m here.”

“D-don’t spoil them too much, Satoru.”

“I’ll try not to,” he chuckled. Satisfied with that small moment he had, he straightened up and trudged over the dining table that was far too big for a man who lived alone. In that moment, an image flashed in your mind – that someday that table would no longer look empty as you and your child shared meals with him. You could already imagine how heavenly the sun would shine on the glass windows behind it, the flowers gathered in the middle of the table blooming to life.

Out of nowhere, it struck you.

Could it be that this was why he loved this baby so much after only knowing about it for a few days? Could it be that Satoru really was alone?

“Okay, we should probably have a welcoming dinner! The chefs left me something tonight. I forgot what it’s called but I think you’ll like it. Grab some wine on the cellar for me?”

“Satoru, I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, right! My bad,” he clapped his hands together before pulling out ceramics and a cold pitcher, “Just water for mommy then,” Satoru said absentmindedly, completely oblivious to how your mind short-circuited a few feet away from him. He went about his way ignorant to it all and gently tugged you to sit with him, eagerly digging into the heated meals as you realized both of you hadn’t eaten.

For a guy who talked a lot, dinner with him was surprisingly quiet. Other than the occasional clinking of utensils against the plate, you enjoyed the silence with him.

You wouldn’t have believed it to be possible since Satoru made it his daily business to always fill in the gaps. Peace and comfort stretched before you the whole time, however, that for a moment, just a short moment, you found yourself letting your guard down. Even when you both caught each other’s in the middle of a bite, you found no tension or awkwardness in it. Perhaps it was the familiarity of being beside each other for years now that this should feel natural, or maybe it was because you both mutually agreed on wanting the best for your baby. Whatever it was, you didn’t want to overcomplicate it right now.

“You know, I’m really excited about this. I can’t believe I’m actually going to be a father,” he mused through a bite, swirling his red wine through his glass. Satoru gazed at his reflection almost dreamily, seemingly too deep in thought that he felt far from reach.

Or maybe you were the one who was detached, the one who kept pushing him away, because you could offer him nothing but a lame nod. “I’m glad to hear that...”

“What about you? You don’t look too happy.”

Your eyes widened at his worry. “No, I-I’m happy, of course. It’s just...it’s unplanned, and I’ve had my whole life planned out that I’m not really sure how this will all fall into place together.”

“Hey,” he laced his fingers with yours, squeezing warmth back into your skin that you hadn’t noticed turned cold from the nerves. Unlike his usual self with eyes brimming with glee, you could only see tenderness in him now, some sort of silent vow through a private smile shared only between the two of you in that moment in the solace of his home. Your home. “I promise I’ll be there for you and the baby every step of the way. I know that I haven’t had the best reputation and I have zero idea on parenting, but you’re not alone in this. You can trust me on this one, just like how we always trusted each other during work. Being a parent and running a business are both responsibilities right?”

“Yeah...”

“Well then you already know we work well together. We’re great partners!” he cheered, patting your shoulder way too bro-like. You resisted the urge to cringe. “We’ll be great parents, Y/N. I’m sure of that.”

Unsure of what else to do, you squeezed his hand back. He was right, you would be great parents as long as both of you never gave up. The thought of eating meals with him again with another addition to the table made you smile, and you hadn’t noticed you were spacing out, thumb running over his knuckles that were smooth for a man who never knew a day of hard labour. It wasn’t until you felt something prodding at you metaphorically, and you chuckled nervously as you saw Satoru smiling mysteriously at you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing,” he grinned, “I’ve just never seen you this close before; not so much that I paid attention anyway. But this is nice – having you here, I mean. It gets lonely here sometimes.”

“Don’t you bring your girlfriends around?”

“I never make them stay,” was all he said, and just like that, whatever thread that was beginning to form snapped. Satoru released his hold on you and gestured to your plate, carrying the dishes in his hand before leaving you alone on the table. Like always – a whiplash. “I’ll clean up, you can rest in your room now. I’ll take care of the dishes.”

“Do you even know how to do them?”

“Yeah, my mother forced me to wash dishes because she didn’t want me to rely on the house help too much,” he informed, the new information shocking you right to the core as he put on dishwashing gloves and started scrubbing. From this angle, he sure looked damn nice and domestic in just a white shirt, hair ruffled down to bangs.  “I’ll be right there with you,” Satoru announces casually, spinning on his heel with red cheeks once he realized what he said. “For just a goodnight, I mean! We’re not sharing rooms!”

“Yeah, no,” you coughed out, “We’re definitely not.”

It felt…surreal, to wake up in a room much grandiose than yours yet felt like home even for the first night. Satoru handled your moving in rather happily; you found him singing to himself this morning as he brewed his own coffee before realizing you were right behind him, sleepy as you lazily made waffles for the both of you. Everything flowed nicely and normally, like this had always been a normal thing that for a moment, you questioned once more what would happen next.

You were now getting ready for work, hands tugging at his tie because he was such a man-child who couldn’t even properly knot his own tie. His suit was custom tailored and he looked effortlessly gorgeous – beauty ripped straight from magazines he was constantly a front page of, but his tie was skewered and loose that it irritated you.

“You’re such a mess without me.”

Satoru bent down to wiggle his brows at you, thought you didn’t notice because he wouldn’t stay still for you to fix his tie fast enough. “Isn’t this sweet; you fixing my tie for me as we both get ready for work?” he teased, “We’re like a married couple already.”

“If you don’t shut up, I’m kicking you in the nuts.”

“Then how can I give you more babies?” picking up the newspaper on the coffee table beside you, you rolled it and started whacking him, a string of profanities colorfully painting his otherwise monochrome and sleek walls. Satoru’s laughter boomed all over the room even as he wiggled away from you, clutching his bicep that had been the victim of your abuse. “Ow, ow, I was joking! Jeez, woman, you are strong. Fight men a lot like this?”

“I work with you. My fighting instincts are always activated.”

His laugh really was annoying. But it did help ease your nerves – though you’d never tell him that – as you sat beside him in his car, the expensive leather seats no longer strange to you. It would’ve felt like any other day where you accompanied him somewhere, except the reason was different now, and it came crashing down on you of your current situation that things were undeniably different from now on.

You immediately stepped away from him the moment you got out of the car, clutching your clipboard to your tummy when Satoru bumped his shoulder with yours. “Come closer, it’s fine. No one will suspect a thing,” he points to the crowded building with people bumping and walking past each other, everyone too occupied in their own heads to even notice you.

It wasn’t much, but hearing his voice and reassurances relaxed you, even for just a little bit. Maybe your first day at work after the baby news wouldn’t be so bad, after all, but it seemed you had spoken too early.

Satoru heavily insisted that you worked inside his office from now on.

Your desk was located right outside his office, the phone line always within reach in case you needed to pass calls to him or if he needed you to come. Satoru preferred the privacy of his own space – or so he said; he actually just didn’t want you to witness him slacking around and experience your wrath – but now he was dragging you inside his office, pushing your shoulders down until you were ‘settled in.’

You didn’t even want to ask where he got a new desk from, or why it had to be right across from him. His desk remained elevated on a few levels, the welcoming lobby of the room filled with couches and stacks of coffee with a rich amount of sugar cubes.

Safe to say, most of the morning was spent (or rather, wasted) on you telling Satoru off. The man was too persistent, coming in on the office at random times of the hour with either snacks or heaps of biscuits on his arms. He always greeted you with a wide grin on his face, only to be kicked out of his own office because you had his hellish schedule and events to deal with. That was around three hours ago when you’d asked him to shut up and go bother someone else. You were halfway around finishing your workload for today when the door swung open, a tuft of white hair and mischievous eyes peeking through.

“Hey! Just checking in on mommy—”

“Satoru!”

“What? It’s just you and I,” he defended with a shrug, welcoming himself inside. Surprisingly, he was empty handed, though the pout on his lips told you it was against his will. “Seriously though, do you need anything? Do you want snacks? Tea? Do you need help going to the bathroom? You haven’t moved in your desk for an hour now.”

“Satoru, I’m pregnant, not disabled,” you ignored him for a while, resuming to working back on his schedule for the month. There were a bunch of e-mails you still had to respond to, which normally wouldn’t be such a daunting task if Satoru wasn’t shifting his weight from one foot to another, the sounds of his shoes hitting the tiles in an annoying click-clack rhythm getting to you. “Will you stop fidgeting! Your anxiety gives me anxiety, stop that!”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it, I just feel like there’s something I should be doing.”

“Shutting up and letting me work in peace would be great, thank you.”

“You really don’t need anything?” Sending him a warning glare, Satoru sucked in his cheeks and ran back to his desk where he hid behind the safety of his large monitor. “Nope, yeah, I got the message: leave you alone. Good luck with that then, I’ll need those archives to pull up for our meeting with the directors later at five.”

Muttering a sarcastic finally under your breath, you resumed working.

The routine was per usual – answer the calls professionally with a welcoming and sweet voice, a pen always in one hand to jot down notes in reminders, adjust his schedules, work out his plans, go to him whenever he needed to sign something before responding back to e-mails. You were focused as you always were, but someone wasn’t, and it was getting harder and harder to keep being placated.

It didn’t help that he made no effort to hide the fact he was slacking off, the tip-taps of him randomly pressing keys on the keyboard similar to a fork dragging down a plate.

“I can feel you burning holes at the back of my head,” you twittered, “What do you need?”

“Nothing at all. I’m just realizing how beautiful you are right now.”

You paused. Unable to deny your curiosity over how serious he sounded, you spun around in your swivel chair. Satoru had his chin on his hands as he stared right back at you, his face devoid of expression that you couldn’t pick up on a single clue. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

You rolled your eyes at him. Of course the bastard would be teasing you, his loud chuckles a painful reminder of that. It was best to ignore him, so you went back to reading e-mails and forced yourself to focus on the task at hand. “We’re at work. Please stop distracting me; I can’t focus when you’re staring at me like a creep.”

“Sorry, babe, I’ll try to be less distracting next time, though I can’t control my charisma, you know!”

You jotted your thumb to your desk outside, “I can walk back to my desk where you can’t see me. That’d be a great for both of us.”

“Stay right there, I was joking!”

“Do you promise to be quiet and actually do your job if I stay?”

“With you disciplining and ordering me around like that, why not?” Mouth open for another heated retort, Satoru stopped you before you could say anything, his aura more serious this time. He was always like this; fooling around and maturing the next second, only for the cycle to repeat and test your patience. “I’m just teasing you, Y/N, I’ll shut up now. You’re free to end work as soon as you’re tired though; the driver is waiting in the parking lot whenever you want to go home.”

“I’ll go home with you.” Home. It felt weird to say that, but also…natural.

“You’ll stay with me at work today?” He sounded genuinely surprised, and you responded with a one-shoulder shrug. That seemed to be enough for him, however, and it wasn’t long before Satoru found the oh so rare and fleeting motivation to work hard.

Once he was settled, sleeves rolled up to expose his veiny forearms and brows furrowed as he centered all his attention on the pile of paperwork before him, there was no stopping him.

Roles reversed and positions switched, you were now the one unable to take your eyes off him.

In this light, in this moment, Gojo Satoru had never looked more beautiful. He was much the same as you in the manner you never really noticed each other this way before; not romantically, but even just person to person. In your eyes, he was nothing but your irritating boss whose boisterous self always crowded over your peace, and in his eyes, you were nothing but his secretary who he knew always silently hoped would leave you alone.

But things were different now. You were different now.

Boundaries there may be, you couldn’t help that fluttering forming in your stomach. Contentment, happiness, relief, nervousness – all of them jumbled into one big mess. Out of them all, however, there was most definitely adoration, either out of respect for his unexpected kindness, or simply because it felt nice to feel for once.

Turning away from him until your back was the only thing he could see, you hid your smile as you secretly held your belly.

You’d never been reckless before, but what was to be a good story when there wasn’t a mistake or two made?

#gojo x reader #gojo x reader smut #gojo satoru x reader smut #gojo-satoru-x-reader #gojo satoru #gojou satoru x reader smut #gojou satoru #gojo satoru x reader romance #gojo x reader romance #gojo x reader fluff #gojo satoru x reader fluff #gojo x reader series #gojo satoru x reader series #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader romance #jujutsu kaisen series #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk #jjk x you #jjk x reader

[lonely-lost-soul]

Let Me Worship You

(C!Technoblade X Gn!Reader)

Request 9: Could I perhaps request a c!techno x gn!reader where maybe the reader is good friends with Dadza and meets Techno one day and they fall for each other? Bonus if the reader is maybe a great builder like dadza but too shy to actually meet anyone so they just build things quietly and then move on and no one but dadza really knows them? Soft! and/or protective! Techno would be cute but not needed!! 😊😊😊

Requested By: 🍀 Anon

I hope you don't mind the shameless art I made for this lol.

At this point in his life, Technoblade had known Phil for centuries, they started their own brief empire together and he watched him raise Wilbur the best a single father could. It was about five years ago when you started following Phil around, the first time Technoblade met you was entirely by accident. He just needed to drop off some building supplies to Phil and Wilbur when he saw you trifling through Phil’s stuff, you had gorgeous white wings and when the sun hit them just right he saw flecks of gold peek through. His piglin side was immediately enamored with the gold wanted to reach out and run a delicate hand through the feathers. Technoblade set his jaw and summoned his ax to his side, you turned around (e/c) eyes widening with shock and fear. Technoblade couldn’t help but feel pure satisfaction rush through his veins seeing your fright. You held up your hands and everything you were holding tumbled to the ground, wings puffing up with shock and horror. Hearing the noise Phil wandered into the room and was quick to diffuse the situation, you hid behind the taller male and Techno gave a grunt of an apology in your direction.

From that moment forward you were as much of a staple in his life as Phil was, Phil had explained Wilbur had found you half dead a little ways away from his home. You had wings like his and Phil couldn’t let you die without answers, his crows would never let him live it down. After he got what he needed from you, Phil noticed just how handy you were around the house especially when you were building things so he kept you around. Technoblade never really interacted with you unless Phil was there to interpret, you weren’t much of a talker and Technoblade was never one for long-drawn-out conversation anyway. However, when Phil had killed Wilbur and he and Technoblade had to move north you inevitably followed the birdman. That’s when Technoblade really began to understand and get to know you and your little quirks. He noticed that when you concentrated on blueprints to a certain build you’d stick your tongue out all cute like, or the soft songs you’d hum when you thought no one was listening.

But Technoblade always listens.

He also noticed that since you and Phil had moved in there was an abundance of not only Phil’s crows flying around but a few stray morning doves pecking at the snow as well.

With the encouragement of the voices, Technoblade had gathered up enough courage to attempt to hold onto a conversation with you. As he walked up to you he noticed the soft coo of a dove was heard, catching your attention. You turned around and your eyes locked with his own, he watched your shoulders tense and face flush a little as he approached you.

Off to a rocky start already. Great.

“Ugh. Hey?” Technoblade grunted hands crossing over his chest,

‘Hey? HEY? is that the best you can do? Look at them they’re cowering. Good, they should be, which means we’re well known.’

Technoblade cleared his throat a little as you held up a hand with a shy wave, “hello.” You greeted, your voice was soft and sweet like honey in his ears. The exact opposite of Wilbur and Tommy’s, he found himself enjoying the tone. “So um...did I do something wrong?” Your wings folded back and he watched you methodically run your fingers through the feathers.

‘Look at the gold flecks! I want them! I wanna pet them they’re so cute! So small and helpless like a little worm. Worm? Really? What it’s an analogy! A bad one! Shut up she’s giving us a look!’

“No? Did you do something I should be concerned about?”

“No!” You sputtered out in panic, dropping the bricks in your hand stumbling back so they wouldn’t crush your toes.

You had fast reflexes, that’s good.

The morning dove around you cooed in distress fluttering up to your shoulder, nesting there like it was its home. “I’m alright,” You whispered eyes going soft as you scratched under the bird’s chin, Technoblade watched with interest. Technoblade gathered why Phil really liked you, you were almost an exact replica of the mild manner builder, other than the anarchist tendencies.

“Didn’t mean to make you drop your stuff,” Technoblade clicked his tongue softly bending down to gather your materials. “Where do you want them?”

“You don’t have to-”

“I asked you a question kid.” Your mouth snapped shut and your lips pressed into a thin tense line. Technoblade observed as your eyebrow twitched, oh you were annoyed. You didn’t voice your annoyance he couldn’t help but mentally comment how cute that look was on you. A huff spilled past your lips and you directed him where to place the bricks in their proper locations. The both of you fell into light conversation after that, he caused you to laugh a few times and it made him feel oddly warm inside. He didn’t even realize that the sun began to set until you pointed it out, Technoblade rubbed the stubble on his chin glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. You were staring up at the sunset, the orange and red colors shone through the gaps in your feathers, your eyes were alight with wonder. You looked like an old Greek statue, an angel carved out of the finest marble and gemstones.

He flushed when you turned to face him, embarrassed to have been caught staring at you so blatantly. You smiled the tips of your pointing ears turning pink, “You should stay the night.” Technoblade spoke without really thinking about the consequences, “there’s plenty of room.”

“Alright. I think I will. It’s not safe flying at night anyway.” Your smile only growing in size at his offer, he made the right decision then, he led you and your little dove through the snow and into his cabin.

Spring rolled around and there was a little house set up right next to Technoblade’s home. It fit his aesthetic nicely, made out of wood, and always had its lanterns lit, it was your home. However, you began to spend most of your time at Technoblade’s home talking with the retired Blood God. You and Phil also had begun molting which was Technoblade’s least favorite time of the year mostly because of all the feathers. However, this year in particular he was particularly enamored with your shiny golden feathers he would find around his home. Maybe he collected them and kept them in his ender chest, it wasn’t creepy he was cleaning. At least that’s what Technoblade told himself, not because he found your feathers beautiful or anything and was enamored by the shine.

“Hey Kid,” Technoblade asked from his seat across from you in his sitting room, you picked your head up and tilted it to the side in a questioning manner. Your wings were ruffled, messy and you looked uncomfortable to be interrupted from your grooming. “Need some help?” He watched your entire face turn bright red in the process, “look you can say no. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable!” You argued, “just caught off guard a little Tech. I never thought it’d be something you were interested in.” Standing up from the chair you spread your wings wide, pulled over a stool, and flopped in front of Technoblade. He was a little shocked at how quickly you agreed, they must’ve really been bothering you.

“Do I...just stick my hands in there or…”

You tossed your head back and let out a roaring laugh,

“heh? What’s so funny huh? I don’t wanna hurt you.” Technoblade snapped at you with an embarrassed huff, your laughter slowly dyed down after a few more seconds.

“Sorry I just. Is that what you say to the ladies too?” Technoblade choked and blanked never once have you said something so dirty before, he didn’t even know you were capable of making jokes like that.

“I say that to everyone actually, I don’t discriminate to just women- I’m not helping my case am I? I should stop talking.” It only served to send you into another set of loud giggles, Technoblade was red in the face and stuck his hands into the little feathers by your back. He felt you tense up for a moment before relaxing into his touch, you let out a soft sound of pleasure. Technoblade chose to ignore the sound even if it sent the voices into a frenzy, to mark and claim, and...he was absolutely not going to finish that thought. You both sat there for about an hour and thirty minutes, fixing up your feathers making you preen at the touches. You were smiling like an idiot by the time he was done and you spread your feathers wide, almost like you were showing them off. Technoblade couldn’t help but feel proud that you liked the work he did so much,

“They’re so soft! Thank you Techno!” You turned towards him, eyes practically glowing with adoration. His face turned red, you were stunning, he kissed you that night and by wintertime, the both of you were an official couple.

Phil was quick to catch onto the change in demeanor between the couple, he clapped Techno on the back as congratulations. You were out on another building project, making a little farm because you knew how much Technoblade loved potatoes, you really were attentive. Surprising Technoblade, Phil had also threatened his first cannon life if he ever hurt you in any way, shape, or form. Techno was a little surprised Phil would go as far as to threaten him, but he promised his old friend he wouldn’t let any man, woman, or creature lay their hands on you, including himself.

It was the dead of winter and temperatures had dropped drastically, Technoblade had made both you and Phil warm clothes for the occasion that matched with his own winter gear. He had given you a friendship emerald and in return, you made him a necklace with one of your golden feathers on it.

Technoblade cherished the gift with his entire being. On occasion, while he was out on a long journey he’d press gentle kisses to it when he missed you, and he swore sometimes he swore it moved on its own. He walked into the cabin to see you spread across his couch, a book on your lap, wings curled in tight against your body. He smiled softly dropping the wood he gathered by the door, he snuck over to you and pressed a kiss against your cheek.

“Hi, sunshine,” You greeted turning your head to look at him, his face burned and his chest filled with warmth. Technoblade moved to sit in your lap with a smirk, he plucked the book from your hands to look at the cover. You frowned in his direction, “You lose my spot and I’m hitting you over the head with it.”

“Violent.” He tutted softly bopping you on the head with said book, you shot him a cold look.

“Hypocrite.”

“Nerd.” He responded casually, you let out a little huff, wings ruffling in frustration.

There’s that look, he loved that look. God, you were so cute.

You slapped your hands on his cheeks, and it shocked him back to attention. He felt your fingers spread across his cheeks and your thumbs brush against the apples of his face. Technoblade’s eyes softened and he snuggled into your open palms, he saw you smile and his eyes dropped to a content close. Technoblade did something he hadn’t done in years, he felt the rumble in his throat before it happened, he purred.

His eyes snapped open with fear and embarrassment, but the way your eyes were sparkling quelled the feelings immediately.

“Did you just purr?”

“So what if I did?” He grumbled another purr mixing with a growl,

“That’s the cutest thing in the entire world Mr. Big Bad anarchist. You only purr for me?” The light teasing in your voice sent him aflame, “Aw you do!” You cooed rubbing his cheeks with your thumbs again, he buried his face in your chest as more purrs spilled from his mouth without him wanting them to. “No need to hide it, keep them purrs coming.” Technoblade’s entire face was red as you reached forward to pluck his glasses from his nose. You placed them on the end table and grabbed a blanket wrapping you both inside a cocoon of warmth.

“You tell anyone about this and we’re breaking up.”

“Deal. Your secrets safe with me.” You hummed quietly running his hands through his pink locks melting against your touch. He finally relaxed completely resting the side of his head against your chest to listen to your heartbeat. Technoblade purred and you could feel the rumbles of his chest against your own. The ferocious Blade was akin to a cat, grumpy on the outside but a big softie who wanted attention on the inside. Leaning forward you kissed his forehead, another louder purr was pulled from the man and pressed his forehead back against your lips. “Good boy.~” You teased scratching under his chin he sent you a tired look but the redness in his cheeks gave away how much he enjoyed the praise.

“Shut up. You’re being cringe.” He growled with no real bite or fire,

“Take a nap big guy. You deserve one. You’re safe with me.” Technoblade yawned loudly at your words, his jaw unhinging a little, only proving to show how tired he really was. “I’ll protect you, always.” Technoblade smiled sheepishly and allowed himself to let his guard down just this once to fall asleep in his lover’s arms.

#technoblade x reader #dreamsmp x reader #dreamsmp x you #c!techno x reader #c!Technoblade x reader #mcyt x you #mcyt x reader #minecraft x reader #x reader #x you #technoblade x y/n #minecraft fanfiction #minecraft x you #mcyt x y/n #technoblade imagines #technoblade drabbles #dreamsmp drabble #fluff #winged reader #fanfiction #fanfic #🍀 anon