#I miss my friends and I'm bored and I'm losing my mind in quarantine | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years

Text

10:27am.

Oh freaking shit.

Friday, May 15th of 2020.

Life updates, in general:

I may have manifested a tulpa. Glad Cameron told me about those, had them a large portion of my life but never understood how that happened. Its kind of nice. But also sad if its the reality of "I'm lonely; time for my brain to manifest a person to daydream about for super long periods at a time."

It's still helpful though.

Remembered how my high school teacher was a huge cunt. Her only use to me was giving me laptops. Doesn't make up for years of mind games, and stretching out trauma for me, not telling me when the SATs were and causing me to miss out on them, and much much more. But at least I have a laptop. The years of trauma doesn't vanish and erase her from slutshaming, accusing me of not being paralyzed with fear at seeing any of the exes that hurt me most in high school, and much more. It just means I have a virus filled laptop that I can luckily type on and look at pretty wigs on. So, eh.

On the bright side, she's still in a lovelesd marriage and loses chunks of her overgreased hair everyday, and is 50 trying to wear mini skirts to school. She will die and be known the same way she's remembered by many; an ugly, dumbass, stank ass phogie. Meanwhile, I'm sexy, young, beautiful, and my tits don't hit my belly button. I win. Thats that.

Got bored. Tried to reach out to Matty, no response... Oh well. I wasn't gonna really say much nonetheless. My guess is he chose the common sense route of "don't hit up your ex, at least cheat elsewhere if you're gonna cheat on your new girlfriend."

Talked to my good friend Sam. She's a lovely person. She helped validate my feelings towards the most recent situation I've dealt with. Yknow; the classic "He's afraid of his emotions and what other people might think". And how he's a coward. And more. How pathetic of him to be. She told me about some sort of "ritualistic closure spell", so I have nothing to lose by trying it. I've been meaning to take a nice bath here anyways, so this is perfect.

Bought hella wigs. I hope all of them can fit in the bin I own....... Hey, summer, inside or not, is a time where I wanna be hot. It's a shaaaaame. Now would be the PERFECT TIME to enjoy the sun. Its depressing to not embrace the sun while my time on this planet is so nigh.

My Froot Loops essential oils and strawberry and almond shimmer oil came in the maaaaail, its sad to know I don't have anyone to seduce these with. (The perk of having things that smell good, is giving random people your arm and going "sniff me", or taking someone's hand and going "Dude, feel my thigh, you see how smooth that is?!?!")

I wanna get all sexy and have my thighs smelling like strawberries and froot loops for a classic science experiment of "if i put this on my thighs, will i taste like it?" (It's worked every time.) That's what I miss about casual FWB relationships. Before me and my most recent ex took that plunge by dating, it was pretty casual! Got to hang out any day at any time; even on a low self esteem day, I could just dress up and go fuck him. (He should've complimented me more, I swear....) And now that I don't currently have a super cute nerdy dude that is more than willing to put his tongue in my happy place for a long time, (a shame,) I sadly must be strawberry and chocolate scented.... and officially all by my lonesome.

But soon, another hot person will come. (Is that an unintentional pun I just made?) I think quarantine is gonna make me less prone to throw my cat at anybody super fast, (which is depressing to reflect on old relationships over,) buuuut who knows. High self love and sex drive, low interest in men unless they can 1) be dope as hell, and 2) do things with me outside of strictly sexual. My open relationship last summer went great because of that; I could have chinese food dinner with one, go to a beach in a rich neighborhood with another, and every day was good. So I guess to kill the "men use me for sex" and the "im so alone" thing, to kill two birds with one stone, I should just to back to going "I'm not hooking up with anybody who I can't see as a friend and chill with otherwise". (No, that's not me wanting a boyfriend. Hell, Marco and I do that, hang and fuck, but I don't see him as a boyfriend, and not even as a good friend. Moreso just the type for a small vibe, that knows I don't like my time wasted. But he's wasted my time before, which lead to me not respecting him, but thats a different story.)

Then I can fuck, but at least still have some fun stories and conversation. Not awkward shit. Even Crackhead John respected that rule when it was in place, it's a good rule to have. Then, sex or not, a still somewhat decent foundation is left.

I miss sweet and sour chicken. I'd order some, buuuut I blew most of my cash on wigs.

Anyway, I'll just refuse to see or sleep with anyone that can't offer me something. Not talking financially, but just yknow, food, conversation, a view, a hangout. I got to bond with Patrick #1 that way, mainly since 1) I didn't find him good enough to date before we got to get closer, and 2) I wanted fun things to leave the house for, not dick and disappointments. Dick is amaaaazing, until you get home and have to re-shower, and u didnt get to look cute for long, you know?

My sister talked to me recently, came into my bedroom to "see how it looks". She was shocked to see it actually look like a bedroom, compared to the mess it was before with my grandmother cluttering the place to hell and back. It was odd, having a mild bonding moment, but it was.... yknow, still positive conversation, so that's that. She also didn't realize how much jewelry and brand name fancy items I had. I'll ignore her passive "Ooooh I see you, Miss Bougie", and her saying "boujee, boujee, bourgeoisie", over and over again. But hey, if satin sheets, string lights, and a fancy shoe tier makes me boujee, then so be it. It looks nice and feels good.

She also went "wow, you have a LOT of jewelry... a LOT of JEWELRY!" The perks of liking shiny things and hating overpriced goods, is Wish.com always has good sales. 1 dollar engagement rings that could look real from a distance? Amazon faux gold and beauty supply earring packs? Hell yeah, my love.

12:03pm.

A nice day.

God bless and amen.

Even editing some songs right now. Gotta complete Fine China pretty soon... peace out.

0 notes