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#I might even keep it digital if I enjoy doing it like this :00

starboyshoyo · 10 months

Text

It’s Kind of Nice, Actually

Pairing: Chifuyu Matsuno x reader

Fandom: Tokyo Revengers

Genre: Fluff

A/N: Inspired by my own first date. It might read as a little juvenile, because I was 13 when it happened and it’s been years since then.

You and Chifuyu enjoy your first date together as a real couple.

11:40 AM.

Chifuyu’s never been this nervous before. Not when he ran from teachers after skipping class, not when his classmates almost saw his bento wrap with kitten patterns on it. He wasn’t even this nervous when he got in his first fight. But a simple date with you? That’s enough to make his palms sweat like there’s no tomorrow.

The small diner he had chosen as a location was on the outskirts of town. It wasn’t anything fancy; just a small 50s-themed restaurant with a checkered floor and red formica tabletops. Chifuyu is glad that he chose a booth in the corner- he’s a bit self conscious about the fact that he was overeager and got here almost twenty minutes early. The waitress has already come by twice already, and each time he had to turn her away with a polite but embarrassed explanation of “Thank you, but I’m still waiting for my date.”

Even though Chifuyu is the one who’s early, he can’t help but wonder if you’ll show up at all. After all, he’s only ever known you as a friend. Maybe he’s too awkward for your tastes.

He pulls the strings of his hoodie taught. Should he have worn something nicer? Was it too late to bike back home and grab a collared shirt and a tie?

11:45.

11:50. It’s almost time.

11:55.

11:57. He’s checking his watch a lot, isn’t he?

11:59. So close.

Finally, just as his digital watch turns to 12:00, the bell attached to the diner door handle rings and in you step. Chifuyu’s head whips around and he stands up hastily, waving to you from the other side of the small room.

“‘Fuyu! Hi!” you beam, and despite his nerves Chifuyu finds himself smiling back. The familiar nickname reminds him that this isn’t the first time he’s been here with you. It’s just the first time you’re here together in a different way- on a date instead of just hanging out.

“Did you get that text from Baji on the way in? When I told him I was meeting you here, he almost decided to come along- but luckily, Mitsuya convinced him not to!” You beam brightly as you talk. “I wouldn’t have wanted him to crash my alone time with my favorite guy.”

Chifuyu’s heart flips. Don’t blush, don’t blush-

“Well, I’m glad he didn’t come, then,” Chifuyu responds bashfully “I wouldn’t want him taking time away from my favorite person, either.”

You laugh. “You’re so cute, ‘Fuyu.”

Oh, that definitely made him blush.

+++

As pleasant as it is to be here, laughing and talking with you, Chifuyu can’t help but notice that the two of you have fallen into the same routine of your past visits here, when you were still unaware of the feelings you held toward one another. Do you remember that this is a date? He hopes you do. Because as much as Chifuyu loves the little romance and friendship he has with you, he still wants more.

His eyes drift downward to your hand, resting casually on the table next to your napkin. You’re still laughing about something Takemichi did last week. You don’t notice his hesitation, the roiling in his belly as he debates placing his palm on top of it.

Would you let him hold your hand? He won’t know unless he tries.

Quickly, not giving himself time to reconsider, he moves his hand to the tabletop as well, resting it on top of yours. His cheeks burn as he tries to keep a straight face, as if this is the most normal thing for him to do on a date-but-not-a-date.

He did it. He’s holding your hand! (Kind of.)

You seem a little surprised but you don’t pull away. Instead, you turn your hand over, palm now facing upwards so you can grasp his hand in yours. “I was wondering when you’d do that,” you chime with a smile, “Is this alright with you?”

(Oh my god he’s holding it for real now-)

Chifuyu swears his heart is going to burst. “Yeah! Yeah, this is alright,” he manages to say, fumbling over his words. “It’s… it’s kind of nice, actually.”

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

#tokyo revengers #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev #tokyo revengers x reader #toman chifuyu #toman x reader #chifuyu matsuno #chifuyu x reader #chifuyu matsuno x reader

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ratskcoreddie · 1 year

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welcome to my humble abode. please be courteous and read the following rules & introduction before following my account. thanks! i hope you enjoy the show! ↓

im very thankful that you’re visiting my blog! this corner of tumblr is my safe space and i plan to keep it that way. to help me do this here’s a few things before you start trekking around these parts. please be kind and considerate to my boundaries.

before you follow & interact with me:

my blog is an nsfw, fem!reader blog. i write content and consume / repost media that is 18+. be aware that if you under the age of eighteen you should not view this blog. if you follow me and are blank or ageless you will be blocked. if you are an account that post nsfw content but have a 16+ in your bio, that makes me uncomfortable and you will be blocked! minors stay away!

if you ignore these requests and read my works i am not responsible, your media consumption is your own responsibility and i will not be held accountable for what you indulge in.

(everyone on this site is fully aware that minors have accounts on tumblr, i speak on behalf of all adult fanfiction writers that we hope you respect our boundaries when it comes to our NSFW content. you will be blocked.)

all of my fanfiction warnings will be tagged to the best of my abilities, if there is anything that even might be triggering it will be tagged. as far as other things go i am human and will miss things from time to time. be patient with me as i update tags after posting.

any form of racism, homophobia, sexism, bullying, transphobia is not tolerated from anyone on my account. there are somethings i will write about that deal with bullying, homophobia, or sexism but all of my writings are FICTIONAL. they do not reflect my views & will always be tagged.

any comments, likes, reblogs, or asks are greatly appreciated. i'm not on my phone a ton so don't worry about if you're spamming me! it doesn't really phase me. however, i am quiet shy! you can try messaging me through my inbox, but i can’t guarantee i will chat up or answer questions right away. i will try my best!

(if you’re creepy, rude, a blank / ageless blog, weird to me, racist, sexist, xenophobic, or if your vibes are just absolutely wretched, you will be blocked.)

about me:

i've never been great at introductions, but here goes.

my name is eri! i'm twenty-two, & i'm a june gemini. my name is just a nickname because i have a really unique name outside of the tumblr verse and would hate for anyone to find my account, but i’ve gone by this name on other sites such as twitter for awhile! my handle is rockstareddie but backwards; ratskcoreddie, hope that makes sense! i use she/they pronouns and i work in the entertainment industry. i love strawberrys, my favorite colors are red and beige. i have a pretty extravagant music taste and love traveling.

i'm apologize for being so short. i’m very conservative when it comes to telling people about myself over the internet (digital footprint and all that) but i hope i can convey some of my personality through my works and writings!

about my works:

again, content warnings for my writings will be tagged on every single work, i will try my best to be thorough and tag everything! please always remember to check the tags for my works.

im currently working on a series in the au i’ve created, four parts are already done and they will be posted every tuesday between the times 4:00 pm - 11:00 pm. after these four queued post i will definitely slow down on posting!

please don’t post my works on other websites. it’s okay to comment, like, and repost! comments are highly appreciated; willing to accept feedbacks and requests for new fics as well. i also love receiving recommendations. send anything my way!

i appreciate each of you! if you'd like to support me with a reblog or a comment (something as simple as you key smashing in the tags or responding to my work motivates me to write more), i'd love that! thanks so much for even checking out my blog!

characters i will write about:

tldr: eddie munson, steve harrington.

currently, i only write for steve harrington, eddie munson, and in the stranger things universe. this is probably what im going to stick to on my blog. there will be appearances from other characters (but only to benefit the story i'm writing).

tropes i will write about:

stranger to friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, slow burn, forced proximity, forbidden love, second chance, soulmates, fake relationship, sworn off relationships, oblivious to love, ect.

topics i will write about:

im comfortable with writing with fluff, smut, and angst. each of my works will be tagged with what topic they follow. if a work of mine contains heavy angst, extreme fluff, or a lot of smut, i can assure you it will be tagged!

tropes & topics i wont write about: (tw)

please understand that i wont write anything that makes me uncomfortable. such as ddlg, cheating, incest, self-harm, large age gaps, noncon, cnc, power dynamics, ect. nor will i share ask that make me uncomfortable. if you send me an ask that contains triggering material you will be blocked.

well, hello again! welcome to the bottom of my rules, you've made it! thank you for reading!!! please know that i’ll update this post periodically if i think of anything else to add in the future. i'll be sure to let you know when i do with a reblog & tag or comment.

thanks for reading & enjoy your stay!

★masterlist || ← go back home? || join my taglist

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eirist · 2 years

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Not sure how I missed the 24 hour Zona so I binge read them until 3AM and can't get enough of them. ❤️❤️❤️

If it's still open, I'll go for 12 midnight. 🤩

Much love ~

Hi! Sorry it took long! I can only write on weekends nowadays. Ehehe.

But here's your request @bloodshot13. Hope you like it.

24 Hours

[12:00 AM]

Nami had been tossing and turning on her bed from the moment she laid down on it.

And for the life of her she couldn’t even fathom why, even if her day had been long and quite tiring.

She honestly thought she’d be knocked out the moment her back hit her mattress.

But here she is, wide awake without any hint of sleepiness at all.

A minute passed and Nami turned to her other side, eyes landing on her cat-shaped digital alarm clock.

12:00 midnight already?

She groaned. What the hell is wrong with her?

She frustratingly sat up on her bed, rubbing her face. Good thing she doesn’t have any work tomorrow or she’d definitely be sluggish and short-fused.

And she hates it when she’s like that.

Nami continued sitting on her bed, her mind racing and trying to come up with ways to make herself relax and sleep.

Which actually did the opposite. Thinking about it made her more alert and awake.

She frowned as she chided herself.

Why to go hyperactive brain.

She can actually feel that there’s this restless energy inside her that she needs to let out and that’s what’s keeping her awake.

Nami slid out of her bed and decided a cup of chamomile tea might help. She stepped out of her room and headed towards her kitchen. She didn’t bother switching on the lights. It was a calm and clear night. The moon was at its zenith and it cast a silvery light on the floor of her apartment.

She decided she’ll have her tea on the balcony while enjoying the moon and the stillness of the night. That should help her relax.

She rummaged her kitchen for her tea canister and when she opened it she realized…

…she still hadn’t done her grocery shopping.

Nami stared at the empty container and fought the urge to chuck it out the window.

She took a deep breath and put the lid back, with a sigh she realized it was too late to ask any of her neighbors if they have some.

Tough luck.

She stood in the kitchen pondering for a moment before she decided a late night visit to her mikan trees up on the rooftop might help her predicament.

She made her way out of her apartment, making a grab for her keys from the key bowl.

The cool night air greeted her skin as she closed the door. It wasn’t chilly but it was enough to make her rub at her bare arms. Maybe she should have worn a robe over her light pink crop tank top and sleeping shorts ensemble.

Nami shrugged her shoulders. She was too lazy to go back now that she is outside. Besides, no one will see her. Most of the tenants are dead asleep by this hour… as evidenced by how quiet it is.

She ambled to the stairs, refraining from taking the elevator. She figured that would help tire her out somehow since she’s got like five flights to climb before reaching the rooftop.

She almost swore out loud and her heart almost jumped at her throat when she saw someone at the landing of the stairs below where she was.

Zoro was standing there, staring up at her with one eyebrow cocked, looking like he was about to make his way up.

Nami finally let out the expletive that she was holding back. “Damn it Zoro! You scared me!”

The green-haired man just shrugged and the climbed the stairs leading up to her.

“The hell are you doing skulking around Nami?”

She placed both of her on her hips. “I should ask you the same,” she hissed at him.

“Can’t sleep?” He inquired as he reached the last steps.

“Yeah…” Nami made a face. “You?”

“Same.”

“Oh.” She felt the corners of her lips twitch as she tried to fought a smile.

It’s just cute to know that they were both having the same problem.

“Where are you going?” Zoro’s almost monotonous drawl hit Nami differently. It made her think of forty winks and comfortable sheets…

“Up to my trees…” she answered. “Thought it might help me relax so I can finally sleep.” She tilted her chin to look up at him. “You?”

He just gave her a lazy grin. “Definitely not up to your trees,” he said as his arm encircled her waist, pulling her closer to him.

Nami paused and snickered when she realized where he meant to go.

She stood on tiptoes, wrapping her arms around his neck and planting a smacking kiss on his chin.

“Come on,” he said lowly as he gave her a slight tug towards and back to her apartment.

His idea on how to get some sleep is definitely way so much better than hers.

#zoro x nami #ZoNa #zonami #zonalove #zona drabbles #zona prompt requests #zona 24 hours #zona AU #zona fanfiction #zoro nami fanfiction #roronoa zoro #nami

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serenescribbles · 2 years

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Through the Bookshelf

For Timari January March Prompt: Misunderstanding

Hello I am here to say that dialogue was the driving force behind this fic. And that the title is supposed to be a play on the phrase "through the grapevine".

I originally hadn't planned for this to be in the series but my brain came up with it and decided to go with it. Please enjoy!

CW: Threats, Abuse of Power - (Only at the very end)

AO3 | Masterlist | Previous Part in Series

一

Have you ever wondered what people say in secret? Have you ever wanted to know? What they really think when no one is there? What they are hiding?

Doesn’t the thought of it overwhelm you and eat away at you on the inside? Don’t you want to get closer and hear what’s being said? The curiosity keeps building up until finally, you can’t resist it anymore.

Tim was no stranger to this temptation. He had fallen under its spell more times than he could count. This curiosity could be contributed to his compulsive need to know everything. If he wanted to be prepared, then he needed to be knowledgeable.

Being prepared means not messing things up. Being prepared means being able to understand what’s going on. Being prepared means impressing your parents who are hardly ever around but still hold high standards for you.

Perhaps that’s why he followed Batman and Robin around on the rooftops at night. He wanted to be prepared, to know how Gotham’s protectors were doing, to know if they were struggling, to know if Gotham was going to be safe yet again.

He was a collector of information; a hoarder. Tim knew random facts about random things. He could recite the digits of Pi to you if you asked. Tim just loved to read, and he loved to learn, to figure out new things.

It was a Wednesday afternoon and Tim was staying in the library after school to work on his homework. Gotham Academy frequently held events like this, where students could stay after school from 4:00 - 5:30 in the library. The purpose of it was to encourage students to stay on top of their work. Tim had always gotten As, so there really wasn’t a need for him to stay. But to him, being in the library was better than going back to that empty home of his.

He had been working on a project for Science when he suddenly heard a loud commotion

Looking up, Tim tried to identify where it had come from. His eyes finally landed on a trio of girls in the corner of the library. They were talking among themselves and glancing around suspiciously. He wanted to know what they were saying.

Quietly getting up from the table he was sitting at, Tim crept over to where they were standing. Hiding behind a bookshelf, he tried to listen in on their conversation.

“Ugh! I hate her so much! She’s so annoying!”

“I know, right? I can’t believe she acts like she’s so much better than all of us!”

“Yeah, teacher’s pet, much?”

Who were they talking about?

Once Tim had gotten closer, he realized he recognized those girls. They were what you would call “popular”. It felt like those girls knew everyone, and they always wore tons of makeup, and right now, Tim was pretty sure what they were wearing was violating dress code (even though school was over now, but they’d worn that the whole day).

If he had known they were the ones making the loud noise, he might as well have minded his own business. Tim did not like them one bit. And he had the misfortune of having a lot of classes with them. They were always disruptive.

He remembered that at the beginning of the school year, they’d always try to stick to him and ask him for “help” on the homework. Or, whenever there was group work, they’d try to be in a group with him so he’d do everything.

Despite that, they had gotten his attention, and now that he was already here, Tim wanted to know what they were talking about.

“Seriously, who does she think she is, ignoring us? She’s so rude,”

“All we wanted was some help, she didn’t have to act like that.”

Whoever those girls were talking about, Tim felt really sorry for them. She didn’t deserve this. Judging by their words, they were trying to finagle someone into doing their work for them. Good thing that she didn’t agree. But by tomorrow, the whole school would probably know and that girl’s social life would be ruined.

Chk-chk-chk!

Tim heard the sound of a cart coming closer and closer. One of the librarians was probably restocking the bookshelves. In a panic, Tim pulled out a random book from the bookshelf and opened it to act as if he was interested in it. He could hear the three girls in the bookshelf behind him do the same. When the librarian passed by him, Tim relaxed a little. Thank god she hadn’t said anything (the librarians really don’t like it if you just stand around and do nothing).

A few seconds later, the librarian was gone from this section of the library. Behind him, he could hear the shuffling of feet and Tim put his book back on the shelf.

The girls continued talking, but in a low whisper, and Tim had to strain his ears to hear them.

“I don’t understand why she won’t help us when she keeps hanging around Tim!”

“Tim?”

“Y’know, the Drake kid, his family’s super rich. Isn’t it obvious she’s hanging around him because of that?”

“Ha! Figures. You know her parents own a bakery, right? She’s probably trying to stick close to him so his parents will throw some money on the bakery or something,”

Wait a second, were they talking about一

“Marinette’s definitely doing that. Who does she think she’s fooling? Too bad Tim doesn’t seem to notice,”

Too stunned to think, Tim accidentally knocked a book over. He immediately ducked down, holding his breath and hoping he wouldn’t be caught.

“What was that? Do you think someone heard us?”

“Who cares? We’re right, aren’t we?”

“Can we just get out of here? I don’t want to stay in this school any longer! Let’s go to the mall or something,”

“Fine,”

After the girls left, Tim couldn’t do anything but crouch there with his back to the bookshelf.

What were those girls talking about? When had Marinette ever done that?

It took a few moments, but Tim finally got up and tried to hurry back to his table to his things. In his haste to get back, he hadn’t looked where he was going and bumped into someone.

“I am so sorry! Really, I’m一”

Looking up, Tim found himself face to face with Marinette. She looked surprised, and her hands were trembling.

“Marinette? Are you alright? I didn’t know you were here too,”

If he had known, he would’ve sat together with her!

She rubbed her arm, “O-oh… Tim, hi. Don’t worry about it, I’m fine. I just wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

Marinette looked off. She was avoiding his eyes, which was strange. Marinette typically liked to maintain eye contact with whoever she was talking to.

Well, based on the direction she was coming from, she was at a bookshelf, probably browsing the section. The bookshelf she was at must’ve been behind the one he had been at, which meant she had been behind the one that trio of girls was at and一

“Oh,” Tim softly uttered. “Marinette, did you hear what those girls said?”

Although she didn’t say anything, the fact that she flinched after he asked her was a good enough answer for him.

“I一 what they said wasn’t true! I mean, I didn’t become friends with you because you were rich! It’s a misunderstanding, I swear! Everything they said was wrong, I seriously just like hanging out with you.

I hope you like hanging out with me, too, but you probably don’t, now that you think I’m only after your family’s money! But I don’t need it, at least, I mean, my family’s bakery is doing very well so there’s no need for any financial help, but that doesn’t mean donations aren’t appreciated but that’s still not why I’m friends with you!

And, I don’t think I act like I’m better than everyone else. Do you think I act like that? Am I annoying? I don’t try to be but I can’t tell!

I only ignored those girls because they kept trying to get me to do their homework for them! And there was no way I was going to do that because what if it gets caught? That kind of thing is going to ruin my record and then I’ll be known as someone who helped others cheat and I won’t be able to get accepted into college and then I’ll never get to become a fashion designer and why would I want that?

I don’t even know why they would say that about me, but I’m so sorry. Seriously, I’m not the type of person to get close to people for money, that’s just against what I believe in!”

All of that came out of Marinette's mouth as one big long speech and it took a few moments for Tim to process what she said. Marinette truly was a master at speaking really fast.

Taking in a deep breath, Tim slowly said, “Marinette, it’s alright, I believe you,”

She looked up at him with watery eyes. “You do?”

“Of course I do!” He flashed a smile at her. “Why would I believe them over you? They aren’t my friends, you are. Anything you say means more to me than a single syllable that comes out of their mouths.”

Pausing for a second, Tim watched as his words sunk in.

“I know how those girls are, they’ve tried to ask me for ‘help’ in the past, too. I refused to let them cheat off of me, and I’m glad you refused to let them, too.

And of course I like hanging out with you! I mean, you’re just really funny and smart and you always smell really good! Wait, that last part sounds weird, I meant, well, y’know, since you live in a bakery you always smell like pastries and that’s nice ‘cause who doesn’t like pastries and I don’t think I’m explaining myself very well一”

Despite the awkwardness of the situation, Marinette and Tim couldn’t help but chuckle a little.

“I know what you mean, Tim,”

“Right. And I uh, know for a fact that you never became my friend because my family’s rich because you didn’t even know where I lived until that time you came over when I was sick. You said it yourself, you had to call the school to find out! And you’ve never mentioned Drake Industries or my parents’ money or anything like that with me!”

To be honest, the fact that Marinette had found out about him being a ‘Drake’ had completely slipped his mind. Since the beginning of their friendship, Tim hadn’t really said anything about who his family was and it never really came up in their conversations. That was one thing he liked about being friends with Marinette.

To her, things like wealth and social status didn’t matter. Which was sort of bad if she wanted to do networking, but it just meant Marinette liked or disliked people for who they were as a person, and not for other reasons.

And even after Marinette had found out his family was rich, she never brought it up, which allowed for Tim to forget about it. She truly didn’t care.

After he finished talking, Marinette wiped her eyes before giving him a tentative smile.

“Thanks for believing me,” she said. “I was sort of worried that you wouldn’t, I mean, this sort of thing has happened to me before. Back in Paris, there was this girl who wouldn’t stop bullying me. When we were younger, she spread bad rumors about me and drove my friends away. I couldn’t do anything about it because her parents were really important. I thought I was going to lose another friend,”

“Well you don’t need to worry about me,” Tim started, “I can’t be driven away so easily! I’m going to be your friend no matter what!”

Marinette hugged him after that, and Tim reciprocated. He definitely wanted Marinette to stay in his life.

After letting go, Marinette turned to him and said, “We should probably sit down now. I can feel the librarians’ staring at us from over there.”

“You’re probably right,” he said, in an amused voice, “Should I move my stuff over to you or are you…”

“I can move over to your table! By the way, how far along are you on the Science project?”

“Funny you should ask, I was actually working on it just now,”

With that misunderstanding cleared up, Tim somehow felt lighter. He was happy. But with that being said, he still needed to do some damage control.

_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

At the mall…

Tim looked around at the food court, trying to find which table it was. Finally, his eyes landed on a small table with three girls sitting at it, eating their food.

Walking up to them, he took a seat in the empty chair without asking first. He greeted them with a cheery smile.

“Tim! What are you doing here?”

“Oh, nothing, just here to clear up a little misunderstanding.”

“Wh-what are you talking about?”

“Nothing much. Just making sure that you three weren’t about to spread any nasty rumors about Marinette, were you?”

“N-no, we would never, we never said anything, how did you一”

“Great,” getting up, Tim pushed his chair in before addressing the girls one last time. “But let me be clear, if something were to… accidentally slip from one of your mouths, well, Drake Industries might just accidentally break off all negotiations with your families’ companies. Of course, I’m not saying it will happen, but sometimes, accidents can occur, am I right?”

Gulping and exchanging frantic looks with each other, the girls nodded.

Satisfied, Tim turned his back on them, “Well, that was all I had to say. Enjoy your food, and I’ll see you tomorrow at school,”

一

Tim is nice and all but you better watch out if you try to hurt his friends

#timari #timinette #maribat #dc x mlb #mlb x dc

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etherrealoblivion · 4 years

Text

Drive Me Insane

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Spencer Reid is always getting on your nerves. Tensions rise and one day, he pulls you into the file room and snaps… just not in the way you think….

A/N: Early-Season-Twelve!Spencer. this is full-on HATE SEX fulfilling this request by @safertokiss and this request by @mggswhore. It’s rough and v sexy and angsty. Gif is mine! Enjoy! <3

tags: smut, penetrative sex, hate sex, enemies to lovers, angry sex.

RATING: EXPLICIT

Words: 4,363

MASTERLIST

You fucking hated him! You HATED him!

“REID!” storming out of the elevator, you headed straight for the desk of the asshole who had pulled the worst prank ever. “What the fuck is this?!” you screamed, slamming your coffee cup down on his desk, the beverage slightly spilling onto his work papers.

“Hey!”

“Don’t you fucking ‘hey’ me!” you were trembling with anger, bouncing on the balls of your feet and trying to ignore the people staring around you. “Explain yourself!”

The little cockfuck put on the most innocent expression you’d ever seen him manage.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, more to the onlookers than you. “Is there a problem?”

“Did you put him up to this? Did you tell him to write that?”

“Write what?”

Huh. He actually looked genuinely confused. But you weren’t buying it. You knew how evil he could be, always teasing you, correcting you, moving your stuff around, pulling pranks. If it weren’t for his stupid, pouty face, you’d slap the look right off of it. Oh, and you were coworkers but that was honestly more of an afterthought.

When it came to Spencer Reid, there was nothing that could stop you from exacting your revenge. Except maybe Unit Chief Emily Prentiss. Who, conveniently, hadn’t arrived yet.

“Don’t bullshit me, Reid! You fucking told the barista downstairs to give me some phony number! What’s the joke? I call it and it’s a phone sex line? A suicide hotline? What?!”

But Spencer simply stared at the cup, mouth dropped open and staring at the ten neatly written digits gracing the side of your coffee cup, a little heart to the side of them.

Clearing his throat, he finally spoke, “I didn’t… I didn’t do this, Y/N.”

A refute to that was on the tip of your tongue but he suddenly looked at you and you noticed a slight tint to his cheeks that for some reason, had you believing him.

“Wait…. You mean…?”

“Yep.” He stood suddenly, chair flying out from behind him with the force with which he stood. “Looks like you’ve got an admirer. Excuse me,” he grunted, storming off down the hall, leaving you thoroughly perplexed.

“What…. What just happened?”

Tara approached you, placing a light hand on your shoulder.

“You got a dude’s number and thought it was a prank by Reid. Happens to the best of us.”

Well, yeah, that was rather obvious. You were more referring to the fact that he had stormed off once he came to the same realization.

But, as always, before you could think for too long, Garcia sent out a mass text alerting you to a new case. Your contemplation would have to wait for another time.

“Maybe he just didn’t want anyone to see him?”

The team was gathered around a roundtable in the dingy police office of Wamego, Kansas, discussing why the unsub was dumping the bodies so far on the outskirts of town.

“No, that doesn’t make sense,” Reid blurted, gesturing toward a map of the area. “There are more than enough areas to hide a body within the town’s limits. Plus, he dumped in the middle of the day so being seen isn’t his issue, he can hide easily in plain sight. The edge of town somehow connects to his comfort zo…. What?”

He trailed off once he noticed the grumpy look on your face. It wasn’t like you could help it! He was always refuting every little thing you said and constantly interrupting everyone.

“Well, Reid, if he’s so interested in the edge of town, why are all his victims abducted from the town square?”

Spencer stepped closer to you, eyes narrowing and lips turning downward.

“Maybe, Y/N,” he bit back, “he’s not picking these women at random, but targeting those he sees that look so obviously vulnerable. His end goal is to dominate them.”

“Seriously? Alexa Wells was a blue belt in karate and Tala Williams took a regular self-defense class. There was nothing vulnerable about these women at all!”

“If you weren’t so busy fretting over their physical capabilities maybe you would have noticed, they both possess a petite stature, making them more susceptible to attack.”

He was towering over you and staring at you with anger in his eyes. You, too, were having to fight back the urge to scream at him.

“So, what, you’re saying everyone with a small stature is asking to be dominated!”

“Nope, just you.”

He looked more shocked at his words than you did, taking a step back and glancing around the room for a moment before referring back to the map.

“I’m-I’m saying that the-the victims were all-all small—of-of small stature and that’s a-that’s a connection. Excuse me.”

And he bustled out of the room, leaving behind an audience of your coworkers whose gaze fell on you. Uncomfortable with the weight of their eyes on you, you excused yourself as politely as you could despite the anger and confusion rising in your throat. You didn’t return until you managed to compose yourself, and by then, the team had a new lead and Reid’s outburst was forgotten.

But not by you.

If the word ‘hate’ was a face, to you, it’d be Reid’s. To be fair, his face did possess a very… slappable quality. But, of course, you’d never act on that impulse. He never could quite push you to that edge. But, oh god, he got close sometimes.

Jesus. It was nearly 6:00 AM and you’d gotten a text about fifteen minutes ago from Garcia, summoning you in. Now, sitting in the briefing room, your thoughts had begun to wander into very vulnerable territory.

“Y/N?”

His voice grated your ears like sandpaper, the perfect tool to snap you out of your reverie. Why the hell did he have to arrive so goddamn early?

“Yes, Reid?” you replied, putting on the most bored voice you could manage, not even bothering to spare him a glance as he sat down in the seat immediately next to you, shrugging off his shoulder bag.

“Why are you here so early?”

You looked at him, startled by the question. Who the hell was he to ask you that? He came in early all the time and you never bothered him about it.

“None of your business,” you snorted, glancing down at your phone, trying to get back to reading your article. But with Reid in the room, it was hopeless.

“Jeez. Okay. I was just asking a question. You know, when someone is so defensive it actually has a lot to do with their social life. Usually, they aren’t getting enough mental stimulation outside of work and in rare cases, it attributes directly to whether or not they’ve been receiving enough pleasurable intercourse.”

He nodded curtly as he finished, his own gaze dropping to a regular manilla folder, not even taking in your expression of pure shock. He must’ve found your silence startling enough because soon after, he looked up at you, crooking an eyebrow.

“What?” Quickly, his expression shifted to a mix of understanding and his cheeks went red so quickly. “Oh! I wasn’t saying that-that-that you weren’t… that you aren’t… I mean, not that you are… I just mean that….”

“What, you’re saying I’m not getting fucked properly?”

His mouth dropped open just as Rossi and Alvez entered, conversing loudly enough to miss your snarky comment. Clearly, though, they could detect the charged atmosphere in the room.

“Are we interrupting?” Rossi, the bastard, asked coolly, taking a seat as Luke did the same.

“Nope,” you smirked as more of the team entered. “Not at all.”

Although there was a pressing case to focus on, you couldn’t help but glance at Reid a little more often than usual.

“Alvez, Lewis, you two talk to the parents. Reid, Y/L/N, go to the BDSM shop and see what they can tell us about the whip.”

The urge to roll your eyes and groan was almost too great. Being in a car with Reid for too long gave you hives and as you typed the address into your phone, you glared at your phone for displaying the time to get there as a whole half hour. In a car. Alone. With Reid.

Strangely enough, it had been about a week or so since he’d made any snarky comments to you, seemingly preferring to keep his distance. You wondered what being stuck in a car together would be like. Hopefully quiet. Silent, ideally.

You really shouldn’t have raised your expectations.

“So, the whip is actually a pretty common item so if he paid with cash, it’s likely there won’t be much of a trail. If you wanna wait in the car, I understand, I can just run in and get the info.”

Huh?

“Why would I wait in the car?” That might’ve been the first genuine question you’d ever asked him excluding when you’d first met and asked his name. Since then, it had been a whirlwind of sarcasm and rhetoric.

“Y/N, it’s a sex shop,” he said, a slight glance over to you as his fingers tightened on the steering wheel slightly.

“And?”

“Well… I mean, you don’t wanna go in there.”

“Says who? Reid, it’s part of the job. I’m not scared of sex like you are.”

That got him stuttering, huffing and puffing, and trying to backtrack so fast he might as well have thrown the car in reverse. But you had arrived before you knew it, settling into an empty spot right in front of the store.

“I-I’m not s-scared of… of… I’m not scared of that!”

Unbuckling your seatbelt, a surge of confidence rushed through you as you exited the car, quickly quipping, “Oh, I can tell judging by how easy it is for you to talk about. It’s okay, Reid. Not everyone can handle dominating someone. Certainly not someone as submissive as yourself.”

As you entered the shop, you could feel his tension next to you the whole time you questioned the woman at the front desk. But there was something… off about it. It was like he wasn’t nervous being in the shop, he had no issue making eye-contact with the witness, speaking calmly and coolly, and not avoiding looking at the various sex toys scattered about. No, he was nervous about something else. Something you had said?

But it wasn’t like you didn’t tease him ruthlessly and regularly anyway. Had you struck a nerve? What was different?

Maybe he just didn’t like talking about sex stuff with you. It made sense, he hated your guts. Still…. There was something.

Something that didn’t get brought back up again until a week later, when the two of you were sitting at your desks during a lunch break with everyone gathered around, conversing quietly. Then Alvez had to go and stir the pot like the little pot-stirrer he was.

“Well, I’d have killed to see how Reid acts in a sex shop. Hey, Y/L/N, please tell me there were lots of dildos,” he joked, earning a laugh from the majority and a groan from Reid.

“Actually, he was much less freaked out than I expected. I assume it’s because he didn’t know what half the stuff in there was.”

Sparing a glance at Reid, you were startled to find he wasn’t looking away in embarrassment, but staring straight at you, glaring daggers.

The laughter bubbling up inside your throat at the teasing immediately subsided, replaced with a sudden rush of… fear? No, that can’t be right. You weren’t scared of Spencer Reid. The guy was harmless. Right?

“Can I talk to you privately, Y/N?” he hadn’t said it like a question you could say no to, rising from his seat and storming off to the file room.

Resistance was futile, and in this case, unnecessary, because whatever Reid had to say to you in that room, you could easily turn against him. Ricocheting his remarks came so naturally sometimes you didn’t even notice you were doing it.

You entered the filing room, fully expecting to see Reid shuffling papers and mumbling, working up the courage to yell at you.

Which is why you didn’t expect to be shoved up against the door as it slammed shut behind you, Reid pinning his hands on either side of your head, holding your faces inches apart. Your breath left and so did the words you’d been rehearsing on the short walk to the small room. You felt your mouth drop open and your gaze unintentionally fell to his lips. It took you a minute to realize he’d been talking. Desperately trying to play back what he’d said, you felt your earlier anger rise back up in your throat.

“What’s your problem with me? Huh?” he was unrelentingly forcing you to meet his eyes. “Why are you always coming after me for the stuff I say? Jesus, you’d think you’d show me a little compassion sometimes, but nooooo. Little miss princess just gets off so good making the team punching bag feel like a piece of shit.”

At his words, you finally found your voice.

“Me? You’re always the one fucking correcting me and bossing me around! You pick fights with me all the goddamn time!”

“Name one time.”

“Hmm, let me see, the time you told Garcia you needed her to hack my phone for a case! The time you fucking told me I was asking to be dominated. Just last week you assumed I didn’t wanna go into a sex shop because, what, I’m too innocent? Or maybe you just want to think of me that way and you hate that it’s not true. Hey, how about the time you pulled me into the file room and pinned me up against the door like a goddamn butterfly?”

You were getting to him, you could tell. His face had slackened but his gaze was much stronger, scrutinizing all of your features carefully.

“You know what else? You’re the only one on the team that calls me by my first name. And I have no idea why! Is it just to bother me or do you actually just not care about giving me any indicators that you respect me? I’ve been a profiler for ten years now and I still can’t read you for shit! You’re so fucking hot and cold you give me freezer burn! Christ, Reid. Sometimes I can’t tell whether you wanna fight me or fuck me!”

Three seconds. That was the time it took you to register that his lips were suddenly on yours, biting and nipping, tongue fighting to get into your mouth.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the FUCK!

Okay, listen… Normally, if someone you hated with all your heart pressed you up against a door and started to make out with you with the force of a thousand suns, you’d do what any sane person would do; shove them off of you and kick them in the junk.

But Spencer Reid drove you fucking insane.

So, when you suddenly found your hands grabbing his face and pulling him in closer to you, opening your mouth enough to let him devour you whole, it wasn’t all that much of a rational decision. In fact, a whole series of irrational decisions happened in quick succession.

He was pressing you against the door so harshly, it felt safe to let your feet leave the ground, legs coiling around his hips and gasping into his mouth as you felt his length brush your inner thigh. Fuck, he was hard. Oh god. The pressure must have caused your mind to really comprehend what in the fuck was happening here.

Spencer Reid was kissing you up against a wall at work. But that wasn’t even the weird part. The weird part was... you actually liked it.

So, pushing down the thoughts of what a terrible idea this was, your hands gripped the lapel of his suit jacket, frantically pushing it off of his shoulders. As it hit the floor, he groaned, seemingly realizing where you wanted things to go.

He pulled back, tearing open the buttons of your blouse, words falling from his beautifully swollen lips.

“You’re such a goddamn tease. All the time. Wearing these tight little tops and expecting me to not rip it off of you?” he tsked, pulling open the top to reveal your bra, stopping in his tracks at the sight.

He was taking too long. Too fucking long.

Your hands reached for his belt, hurriedly sliding the leather from the strap, snapping it off of his pants and pushing them down.

“Don’t act like you didn’t want this to happen,” you snarked as he picked you up and plopped you down on the small metal table in the center of the room, brushing aside all the papers atop it. Your back hitting the cool metal made you hiss but you went on, “I bet you brought me in here because you knew if we were alone together for more than five seconds, you’d snap. You wanted to fuck me, Reid.”

You were trying to sound like you still had some wits about you, but the truth was, they’d all flown out the window the moment his lips met yours. Those fucking lips.

He didn’t bother denying your claims, opting to roughly pull down your skirt and underwear, one strong hand tightly holding your bare thigh the whole time. Those fucking hands.

“Maybe,” when he spoke again, his voice had dropped two octaves, a register you’d never heard before that sent a flicker of pure delight through your veins, “you’re projecting, Y/N. I think you’ve wanted me to hold you down and fuck you this whole time. You’ve wanted me to shut that pretty little princess mouth up in any and every way possible so you rattle off teases and insults to make up for the fact that you’re just a little whore who is begging to be fucked.”

You heard your moan echo around the room before you even noticed you’d opened your mouth. Quickly, but not quickly enough, his huge hand snapped over your lips, stopping any further sounds from escaping. His other hand dug into his pants pocket and you could hear the crinkle of tin as he rolled on a condom.

All you heard before the world disappeared was, “Shut the fuck up,” as he slid into you in one perfect thrust, his left hand roughly digging into your hip as he grunted with the effort of holding back. But that wasn’t what you wanted. That wasn’t the point of this. And you told him just that.

“Reid,” you groaned through his hand and he relinquished his hold, “fucking fuck me!”

Apparently, you didn’t need to tell him twice.

He didn’t even bother trying to ease you into it, roughly grabbing your hips and pulling you against him with each sharp thrust. It took all you had to keep from screaming as a wonderful mix of pain and pleasure pushed you closer to the edge. Jesus, you were close to coming already after barely a minute.

It was like you said, Spencer Reid drove you fucking insane.

Still, you weren’t quite ready to submit to him completely. There was still quite a bit of fight left in you.

“I bet you’re loving this. Thinking you’re finally in charge of me. I got news for you, Reid,” grabbing his shoulders, you pulled him down so you could whisper in his ear, relishing in the hiss he emitted at the change in angle. “I’m more than you can handle.”

Saying he went wild would be an understatement. He somehow managed to lift you all the way up off of the table, spin you around, and reenter you sharply within the span of two seconds. This time, you couldn’t stop the pathetic mewl that left your throat at the feeling of him inside of you.

Actually, what probably got you was the horrible, dirty things he was whispering in your ear unrelentingly as he pounded into you, one hand on your hip and the other yanking your hair back roughly.

“You think I don’t know how to handle a spoiled little princess? Tell me, who’s the one moaning and writhing underneath me? Huh? Oh, can you not answer because I’ve got my cock buried in you?” He slipped the hand that was in your hair down to your cheeks, squeezing and forcing them into a pucker. “Answer me.”

You could feel how close you were but his thrusts were so slow and patient now. He wasn’t nearly as close as you were. If you were doing this, you were making him come first. You needed to keep some power. You did decide to relinquish a bit of control to him.

“P-Please, Reid….” you whispered, smiling to yourself as he responded exactly as you’d expected.

“Please, what?”

He was moving so slowly now, barely giving you any relief, slowly pushing in the tip only to pull out hastily, leaving you grinding back on his for more.

“Please… please tell me you don’t actually believe that,” you snarked, pleased with the way he suddenly froze, seemingly not expecting to hear that from you.

Your shock, however, didn’t last long. Because after a very pregnant pause, you heard the rush of air come from behind you. Because you felt a sharp, sudden, stinging pain on your left asscheek. Because Spencer Reid had just fucking spanked you.

“Ahh!” you yelped as the heat flared up your body as he sped up his thrusts, entering you deeper and deeper each time.

“I think someone needs to teach you a lesson about what happens when you mouth off to the wrong person. This,” he added with a particularly sharp thrust, “is your punishment, princess. You actually thought I couldn’t handle dominating a little brat like you? You’re the one begging to be filled up like a little whore.”

“Reid,” you let the name slip, feeling yourself slowly giving in more and more the further he pushed you.

“Say my fucking name, princess.”

“Ah! Spe– fuck! Reid!” you keened, happily letting your body give in to the feeling of being totally and utterly used by him, barely noticing almost calling him his first name.

“Tell me, princess, do you even know how tight your little cunt is bouncing back on my cock? I bet I feel so big inside you. I guess you finally got what you needed: to be fucked properly. You’re lucky that I’m the one to do it. I know just how to handle you.”

You groaned as he snaked a hand around you to circle your clit relentlessly, barely managing enough energy to squeak, “I hate you.”

There was anger behind the words, but not honesty. And Spencer knew. It was clear as he leaned in to whisper in your ear a final time, he also knew exactly how to push you over the edge.

“Prove it.”

And in an instant, your climax hit you, washing over you like a waterfall, feeling your walls clench and tighten around Reid’s cock. Drowning in the pleasure of your orgasm, you didn’t even notice the way he grunted as he spilled himself inside of you.

You definitely didn’t notice the way he planted soft kisses to your shoulder blades as he pulled out, whispering small strings of praise. Or the way he stroked your thigh as he carefully pulled your underwear back up. You definitely didn’t notice that.

You hadn’t quite regained your energy, but you knew you had to stand up. Every muscle in your body, however, begged you to collapse to the floor. Luckily, Spencer caught you, prompting you to look up at him, trying not to show the hope that was so obviously shimmering in your eyes.

Strangely, he seemed to be looking at you in a similar sense. Not exactly hopeful but… worried?

“You okay?”

You nodded weakly, breaking the eye-contact and pulling away from him, scurrying to put your clothes back on.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks.”

You knew you sounded curt but you just couldn’t bring yourself to express emotion right now. It was stupid, you knew, but in the heat of the moment, you had felt… connected to him. In a purely animalistic way, surely. In a ‘fuck me so hard you impregnate me’ way.

Pushing the fact that that thought got you a little excited to the back of your mind, you turned back to Reid who had also fully redressed. He was shifting on his feet, avoiding looking at you fully.

“Well, now we know what to do next time we butt heads,” you joked, smiling softly to diffuse the tension.

He laughed but you could tell it was superficial. There was something the two of you weren’t saying and you were both waiting for the other to say first.

“We should probably get back out there, huh?”

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered, coughing and doing a ‘ladies first’ motion towards the door.

“Thanks,” you muttered, opening the door slightly, then glancing back at Reid, seeing him looking at you with the words neither of you would say.

“Hey, Spencer?”

He tried not to let his shock show but he did a horrible job. You couldn’t blame him though, it was the first time you’d ever called him by his first name.

“Y-yeah?”

“I… I don’t hate you.”

It wasn’t much, but he smiled liked it was everything. Maybe, in your own special way, it was.

“I don’t hate you, too.”

Giving him a little nod of your head, there was no way you could suppress the joyous smile that lit up your face as you exited the file room. Your coworkers would surely be suspicious, but you didn’t want to think about that right now. Spencer was the only thing on your mind the whole rest of the day and you were sure he’d stay there well into the week.

After all, Spencer Reid drove you fucking insane. Now, you knew, in more ways than one.

TO BE ADDED TO TAGLIST

(sorry if the tags aren’t working! i’ve been having some trouble)

@whollytaciturn @101donuts @thegingerfairchild @safertokiss @cielo1984 @thupidalthea @darkacademiacherry @matthewreid@aloha-ashley-taylor@justchiara-02@spnobsessedmemes @sweet-darlin@dreamy-reid @brokenanxiety @thatsonezesty13 @psychedelic-phase @beautifulalmondstudentduck@awhollandx@baddreamsandbrokenhearts@simp-for-mgg @swagdaddycam@gejatume@url-under-construction@krymson182@addie5264 @pinkdiamond1016 @gublergirls @georgia4287 @thineeminnie @untainted-memories @cm-is-kinda-cool @le-vie-en-amour1 @happyiidiot @wechillingcoop @blankets-for-bees @stewie-castle @dolanfivsosxox

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid gifs #spencer reid #spencer reid fic #matthew gray gubler #fanfic #fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #fandom #etherrealoblivion #smut #season twelve reid #reid #spencer

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lockley-spktr · 3 years

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Summary: Bucky is still struggling with his nightmares even though he completed his list of amends. The two of you have a serious talk.

Word count: 2,055

Warnings: Mentions of therapy, trauma, and Bucky’s nightmares. Otherwise I can’t think of any others. Yes, I included fluff in here. Bucky has suffered enough in canon.

Author’s note: I started writing this after I watched the TFATWS finale when it was first released. For the most part, I enjoyed the finale, but some things in regards to Bucky fell flat for me. I got the impression that we’re supposed to believe he’s fine now just because he finished his list of amends when we didn’t even get to see a montage or anything. And his talk with Yori was anti-climatic to say the least. that just didn’t sit right with me so here’s my spin on what I think Bucky still struggles with after the events of the TFATWS finale. A lot of the therapy talk was personal for me so it hit hard as I was writing it. As always, feedback is appreciated!

You catch a glimpse of the digital clock on your nightstand as you roll onto your side.

Since when was it 2:00 AM and where had Bucky gone off to?

Usually, when woke up in the middle of the night if you were alone, you'd readjust and fall back asleep. If Bucky was with you, you’d snuggle up against him and fall back asleep.

Since you weren't alone and Bucky had disappeared on you neither one of those two things was an option for you.

Rubbing your eyes, you get up from your bed and stretch. You grab a blanket and make your way into the living room.

The soft glow of the TV screen catches your attention. Your eyes wander to Bucky who's sat on the couch and playing with his hands.

“Bucky?” You say softly, trying not to startle him.

Bucky turns his head to face you, “What are you doing up?”

You shrug, “I just woke up. I went to snuggle up to you, but you weren't there. I was worried.”

Bucky furrows his eyebrows, “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to worry you.”

You shake your head, “It’s alright. What's wrong?”

Bucky looks away from you, focusing his attention on the TV, “Nothings wrong.”

“Bucky.”

“What?”

“You're a terrible liar.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Then look me in the eyes and tell me nothings wrong.”

Bucky sighs as he leans back against the couch cushions. Still avoiding eye contact with you he speaks softly, “I can’t.”

“That's what I thought.”

You sit down on the couch next to him and lay the blanket on both of you.

“Is this alright?” You ask.

Bucky nods, “You know, I used to be a good liar.”

You chuckle, “Used to being the key phrase.”

Bucky takes your hand in his, rubbing your knuckles with his thumb, “You think you're funny, don't you?”

“I don't think I’m funny, I know I’m funny. Even if you were a good liar I’d still be able to tell when you're lying.”

“Why is that?”

“Because we’ve been dating for ten months, I know you, baby,” you soften your voice, your playful tone disappearing, “And that also means I know when somethings wrong, please talk to me.”

Bucky sighs, “I had a nightmare.”

“What was it about?”

“Yori’s son,” Bucky pauses, and when he continues you can hear the frustration in his voice, “And I don't know why. I spoke to Yori, months ago, I told him what happened. I don't understand why it's still haunting me.”

“Bucky, just because you spoke to him, doesn't mean that what he did is just going to be erased from your memories.”

“But I told him. I did what Dr. Raynor told me to do, what Sam told me to do.”

“That doesn't just mean the guilt you feel because of it disappears.“

Bucky huffs, “Well it should.”

“I know you want it to disappear, but you know that's not how trauma works for anybody.“

Bucky looks down at you, “What do I do?”

“You keep trying, that's all you can do,” you move your free hand to his face, wiping away his tears, “My love, that's all any of us can do.”

“Just trying doesn't feel like enough.”

“It is enough, Bucky.”

“I was making progress. I thought I was getting better.”

“You are making progress. You are getting better. The progress you've made doesn't just disappear because you had a bad nightmare.”

Bucky let's go of your hand and turns away from you.

“Please don't do that.” You say, readjusting on the couch so your body is facing his.

“Don't do what?”

“Don't close yourself off from me.”

Bucky runs his hand through his hair. He lets out a sigh as he turns to face you.

You smile putting your hand on his knee, “Thank you.” Your voice is soft and your touch is gentle.

That makes Bucky relax a bit knowing you're not mad at him. You're just worried because you care about him.

Even after all this time he still isn't used to someone caring for him. There are moments where he accepts it and believes it. Then there are moments where he can't accept it and listens to the lies his brain tells him.

The look on Bucky’s face makes your heartbreak. It's a combination of fear and frustration.

You take his hands in yours and rub your thumbs along his knuckles just like he did with you earlier.

“Bucky, progress isn't linear. It's messy and filled with so many ups and downs. You may think you're over something, and then something like a bad nightmare happens and you feel like you're right back where you started, right?”

Bucky nods.

“The thing is you're not back where you started. The progress you made is still there. It doesn't just disappear because of one bad moment,” you move one of your hands to his cheek, softly stroking under his eyes with your thumb, “You'll bounce back from this and continue to heal, you always do. You don't give yourself enough credit for how strong you are.”

Bucky leans against your hand and presses a kiss to your palm.

“You've been to hell and back multiple times yet you never let that change you. You easily could've turned your back on the world, but you didn't,” you move closer to him, “Every day you choose to be kind and if the opportunity presents itself you choose to help others. You’re a good man.”

Bucky knows you’re right. He knows that you aren't lying to him and you believe everything you said to him. You were always truthful, you never lied, not to him.

You were kind, but his mind and his thoughts weren't. And he knew that you could tell he was battling his thoughts right now.

You put your hands on his face, softly stroking underneath his eyes with your thumbs. “Bucky, you are good. You are a hero. And you deserve all the good things the world has to offer.”

Tears well up in Bucky’s eyes and as they fall you wipe them away.

“Do you believe me, Buck?”

Bucky nods, “I do.”

You can tell he's being truthful and that makes you smile, he's come so far, “I love you, baby.”

Bucky presses his forehead against yours and smiles, “I love you too, doll.” His hands move to your face, he leans in and kisses you.

The two of you stay on the couch a while after that, you're straddling his hips, and your head is against Bucky’s chest. He has his chin on your head and his arms wrapped around you.

For a while, it was peaceful. Bucky had fallen back asleep and you were happy that he was getting some much-needed rest.

Just as you were about to fall asleep you felt Bucky jolt awake.

His grip around you is tight, but you don't mind, he isn't hurting you. He could never hurt you.

Bucky looks down at you with wide eyes and your heart breaks, you hate seeing him like this, he looks so scared.

You readjust yourself on his lap, still straddling his hips, you put your hands on his shoulders. “You’re alright, baby. You're with me. What happened?”

Bucky shakes his head, “Nothing.”

“Did you have a bad dream again?”

“No, I just,” he sighs, “I didn't mean to fall asleep.”

“You need to sleep. Why are you fighting it?”

Bucky shrugs, but you know there's a reason. Something he isn't telling you.

“Buck, please.” You push gently you don't want to upset him, but you know he’ll feel better if he says it out loud, gets it out of his head, and he knows that too.

“I don't want to have any more bad dreams or nightmares.”

“You can't stay awake forever,” you rest your hands on his chest and play with his dog tags, “Can I ask you something?”

“‘Course.”

“Why'd you stop going to therapy?”

“The goal was to finish my list of amends. I finished it so I stopped going.”

“Finishing your list of amends wasn't the goal, it was one goal. The goal is to heal and learn how to cope,” you sigh, “My love, the goal isn't achieved by just finishing one goal. Even then healing is a constant process and it's hard, but once you start feeling better it's all worth it.”

“Doll, I know you're right, but I’m scared.”

It feels strange for Bucky to say it out loud, but he can't ignore the instant relief he feels once the words leave his mouth.

“Oh, baby,” you place your hand on his cheek, and he leans into your hand, “It’s okay to be scared. What are you scared about?”

“I’m scared that I can't do it, that I’m not strong enough.”

“Not strong enough? What did I say earlier? James, You are the strongest person I know,” you kiss his forehead, “You've endured things that no person should ever have to experience. And you survived.”

Bucky smiles, “James? You must be serious.”

You giggle softly, “You bet I am.”

“I don't want to go back to Dr. Raynor.”

“You don't have to.“

“Who will I see?”

“Whoever you want to. It's your decision to make, Bucky. Not the governments, not mine, yours.”

Bucky’s eyes light up, “Yeah?”

You smile, “Yeah. It might take some time to find the right person, but you'll find them, I know it.”

“Are you sure?”

You nod, “I believe in you,” you kiss his forehead and continue, “If you want I can come to your appointments with you, I can just sit in the waiting room for moral support, or I could come in with you if there's something you want to talk about, but you're not sure if you can do it alone.”

“I can't ask you to do that, Y/N.”

“You aren't asking me to do anything, Buck. I’m offering. Whatever you need I’m here for you.”

Bucky’s voice is quiet as he asks, “Why?”

“Remember how last week you came to therapy with me, just to sit in the waiting room in case I needed you during or immediately after the session?”

Bucky nods, moving his hand to your face, “I do.”

“Why’d you do that?”

“I knew you had a rough week. I didn't want you to be alone.”

“Why didn't you want me to be alone?”

“Because I love you.”

You smile, “Those reasons are exactly why I want to do this for you. I know this is going to be hard for you, I don't want you to be alone, and I love you too.”

You rest your forehead against his “I’m so lucky to have you,” Bucky mumbles in between kisses, “you're so good to me.”

“The feeling is mutual,” you hold his face in your hands, “Why don't we go back to bed? We can talk more about all of this tomorrow,” you kiss his nose, “You need to sleep.”

“So do you, doll.”

“That’s why I said why don't we go back to bed. We as in both of us, Barnes.”

“You’re last naming me now?”

You nod, “I might start middle naming you soon.”

“Please don't.”

“Buch–”

Bucky cuts you off by covering your mouth with his hand, “That's enough of that. You win. We’ll go to bed.”

You burst into a fit of laughter the moment he picks you up. Bucky can’t hide the smile that appears on his face when he hears your laugh, it’s one of his favorite sounds. And knowing that he’s the reason for it makes him incredibly happy.

Once you’re both settled under the covers, Bucky turns to face you. When he speaks you almost miss it. His voice is soft, you can tell just how exhausted he is.

“Doll?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you hold me?

You don’t say anything. You just hold open your arms and Bucky takes the hint. He rests his head on your chest and you wrap your arms around him.

You kiss his head, “Are you comfortable?”

“Very.”

“I’m glad. Now, get some rest,” you rest your chin on his head, “I’m right here if you need me. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

“Love you so much,” Bucky mumbles as he falls asleep.

“I love you too.”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #warnings are above the cut #if i missed any warnings please let me know #there's something i wish i added to this #i just wasn't sure how to fit it in #oh well #maybe in the next fic

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lala-ladybug · 3 years

Text

Healing Hands: Chapter 1

Hello hello! First fic here, it’s a Maribat AU with a side of Sword Art Online. Or what I remember from having watched the show once about five years ago. We’ve got Marinette and minimal class salt, Young Justice but only the good parts, and primarily Jasonette. Please spread the word (I am a tiny sideblog) and let me know what you think <3

Read here on AO3

Chapter 1: You have no idea how many baddies I’m going to blow up because of you

Friday, at long last. Marinette could not have exhaled a bigger sigh of relief. It was mid-way through the school term, her commissions were ramping up, and Hawkmoth had become frustratingly active. Her duties as class president had only increased as she and her friends neared the end of lycée, not to mention all the studying she was doing for the baccalauréat on top of her regular school work. Commissions were booming now that her popularity as the anonymous designer MDC was soaring worldwide. She wouldn’t give any of it up for the world, but she might enjoy getting more than three or four hours of sleep for once.

There was only part of her life that had gotten easier since that day three years ago when she was entrusted with a pair of spotted earrings and an old god to match. Ladybug started out with one partner, but she now had a whole team to share the responsibilities of keeping their city safe. Ryuko and Viperion became permanent fixtures of the Parisian rooftops, and Bourdonne replaced Queen Bee after the infamous (albeit self-inflicted) unmasking of Chloe Bourgeois. The people of Paris looked to these heroes with pride and trust.

And Marinette Dupain-Cheng, now the Guardian of the Miraculous, looked to her partners with trust as well. She had decided that with her in charge, she could no longer keep secrets from her friends, from her new Order of the Guardians. She discussed it with Chat Noir, and he had smiled and agreed that it was time. And one day, when Ladybug gathered her teammates on a remote rooftop in the dead of night, she said only “I trust you,” before allowing her transformation to fall.

She wasn’t nervous, not really. She knew Kagami and Luka had good hearts, and she had seen firsthand how much Chloe had grown. Those three accepted her civilian self, her true self, without half a thought, and followed their leader in dropping their transformations as well. Chloe got her quips in while Ladybug looked to Chat Noir.

He passed his gaze over the faces of their friends and smirked like he was holding in a laugh. As he said “Claws in,” Marinette could hear the laugh in his voice, an intonation that sounded so very familiar, and oh. Of course.

Adrien Agreste beamed at his friends, both in the mask and out, and said fondly, “I’m so glad it’s you.”

The rest, of course, was history. For the year and a half since then, the five heroes of Paris had kept the city safe from threats magical and mundane alike. Hawkmoth had, of course, gotten craftier and more vicious with his attacks, sometimes choosing to send bursts of weaker akumas over the span of a week, sometimes waiting a month before sending an especially brutal villain their way.

But it was nothing that the Order of the Guardians couldn’t handle. Even though it could get exhausting after a while, which is why the incoming weekend was a welcome reprieve. There was another reason why this particular weekend was so exciting, which was that a new video game, Mindscape, was debuting. It would be released at midnight EST, which was 6:00 in the morning for Paris.

“Today’s the day, girl!” Alya squealed as she flagged Marinette down on their way to the classroom. “We are so lucky that our class won that raffle to get these exclusive passes. I bet I’ll be the first blog to get the scoop on this new tech they’re using!”

Marinette giggled and started to reply, “Super lucky, right? I’m excited too, I heard--”

“You know,” Lila cut her off as she sidled up to Alya. “I’m not saying that I didn’t enter us to get those downloads, but I was a big help with beta testing.”

How she managed to time that comment just as the three girls crossed the threshold of the classroom, and how she managed to know that nearly the whole class would already be there to hear it, Marinette would never understand. She only had to wait a moment before the rest of their friends rushed to the door to thank Lila.

“This opportunity is amazing, we are incredibly grateful!” Max was first in line, ever the technology-enthusiast.

Kim pushed his shorter friend out of the way and vigorously shook Lila’s hand. “You have no idea how many baddies I’m going to blow up because of you.” Lila looked a little overwhelmed as he continued to shake her hand all the while, and she gave him a nervous smile.

He was soon pushed out of the way as Alix muscled her way to the front next. “I definitely owe you for giving me the chance to kick his ass in a brand new way!” She jerked her head to where Kim had landed on the floor, pouting at her.

As the rest of the class who would be joining them in the game’s premiere expressed their thanks, Alya looked on with an affectionate smile. She was so very happy that she now had two kind, selfless best friends. Her smile fell a little as she noticed Marinette stoically edging her way around the crowd and up to her seat, not having said a word to Lila. Alya just wished that her two besties would get along.

Alya put a hand on Lila’s shoulder and smiled her thanks before following Marinette to what was once their shared desk. “You really should thank her, you know,” Alya implored hopefully.

Without turning around to face Alya, Marinette paused and shared an incredulous look with Adrien, who was already seated at his shared desk with Nino. She then shrugged and replied, “Lila never actually said that she got us the passes,” before continuing up the steps to her seat at the back of the class. Alya shook her head and sat down. It was always like this, a cool indifference from Marinette whenever Lila came up. They were both such incredible people, Alya couldn’t understand why they didn’t get along.

As for Marinette, she was semi-content to let Lila be as long as her lies didn’t hurt anybody. Her unrealistic promise to take away all of Marinette’s friends was never fulfilled, and honestly the amount of emotional energy it used to sap from her just wasn’t worth it anymore. Marinette had no idea how Lila was going to get her hands on a copy of the game when Mari was, of course, the one who had won the raffle. She distributed the special access passes herself, and Lila certainly hadn’t gotten one. If this was the way that she wanted to make friends, she would eventually have to face the consequences.

But for now, Lila was basking in her praise. That is, until she glanced at her phone and gave a small gasp of dismay.

“What’s wrong?” Rose asked, concern already etched on her face.

Lila covered her mouth with one hand and started rapidly blinking back tears. “It’s my VIP copy of the game. There was a mixup in the mail and it won’t get here in time for tomorrow morning! I’m so sorry everyone, it looks like you’ll have to do it without me....” She buried her face in her hands and her shoulders trembled with barely restrained sobs.

The class shared a worried look, and Sabrina piped up, “It’s okay Lila, you can borrow my copy.” Lila immediately looked up and surged forward to clasp the hands of her friend.

“Really? But won’t it have the same problem?” Sabrina smiled and shook her head. “Nope, it’s a digital download! I don’t mind, you can always trade it back when your VIP pass arrives later.”

Lila gave her a brilliant smile, any tears long-since dried. “Oh, thank you so much Sabrina! I’ll see what I can do about getting you a VIP pass too once mine gets here.”

At that moment, Chloe walked in, and one look at the scene displayed in front of her had her rolling her eyes at her former best friend. She gracefully swept up the steps to join Marinette at the back of the classroom and whispered to her, “Aren’t they all digital downloads?”

Marinette, who had started unpacking her bag to prepare for class, inclined her head and gave the blonde a meaningful look that indicated yes, they were indeed all digital downloads. Chloe snickered and started preparing her own side of the desk.

After the fiasco of outing herself as Queen Bee, Chloe had lost the minimal support and tolerances she had been allowed before. It gave her time to truly reflect on how she acted and treated other people. She had since been quietly making amends with those she’d wronged, and the person on the top of that list was Marinette Dupain-Cheng. It took time and a lot of effort on Chloe’s part, but she mellowed out and did a lot of growing up. She still spoke her mind, though.

“Huh that’s strange, I got the VIP package too, but mine was a digital pass,” Chloe loudly proclaimed, studying her nails nonchalantly as the rest of the class turned to look up at her.

Lila grit her teeth into a forced smile and replied sweetly, “Well that’s because mine was an original beta testing copy that they had to update for the full game.” She turned her attention to Marinette and a note of false concern crept into her voice. “Oh Marinette, I hope you’ll still have time to come too! I know you’ll be busy this weekend with planning the spring class field trip. It would be such a shame if it didn’t happen because you were too busy playing a video game.”

Marinette suddenly felt very warm under the gazes of the entire class. She stammered out, “Oh-of course we’ll get to go! Don’t worry, I have a meeting with the school board on Monday.” Trust Lila to sniff out the one thing that had slipped below her radar.

Lila’s eyes lit up with an opportunistic gleam. “That’s great! Where will it be?”

“Well, uh, the school board has to review the location, so I don’t want to get your hopes up, but I can tell you that it will be in, um,” her eyes flicked around wildly and landed on the posterboard of different flags from the prior week’s lessons. “America!”

The class burst into excited chatter moments before Madame Bustier arrived and the late bell rang. Marinette released a breath and sagged in her seat. Saved by the bell.

Chloe gave her a sidelong glance and murmured, “America, huh?”

“Shut up,” Marinette shot back.

* * *

Madame Bustier tried to get the class to pay attention, she really did. They struggled through their lessons before lunch, the volume of side conversations between deskmates swelling all the while. The moment the bell for lunch dismissal rang, the students exploded into conversation as they left the classroom.

Marinette waved as Chloe and Adrien walked off to go meet Kagami and Luka at a nearby cafe. She breezed into the patisserie across the street from Francois Dupont and gave her surprised Maman a kiss on the cheek.

“I thought you were going out with your friends for lunch?” Sabine asked, balancing a tray of eclairs on her hip. “I forgot I have to plan our class trip!” Marinette replied cheerfully as she hurried into the kitchen to quickly fix herself a croque-monsieur. She gave her Papa a hug as she finished preparing her meal. He shouted up at her to not make a mess as she retreated into her room to eat at her desk.

She gave a small snort at that. It was nearly impossible for her to make a mess of food when she had over a dozen Kwami there to clean up after her, but he didn’t know that. She greeted said Kwami with a delighted grin and a wave as she set her plate down by her desktop computer.

“Marinette, why are you back so early?” Tikki asked, “is everything okay?” The other Kwami swarmed around her as she woke her computer up and logged in.

The girl waved one hand nonchalantly and opened up a web browser with the other. “Everything’s fine, I just forgot about planning the class trip!” She took a huge bite of the sandwich and started typing furiously. Several Kwami dove after the crumbs that sprayed everywhere.

“Ohhh, I see! Do you have an idea of where to start?” Tikki zoomed around Marinette’s shoulder to hover next to the monitor screen.

Marinette had the same determined gleam in her eye as when she finally found the perfect fabric for a design. She said confidently around a mouth full of ham, “America.”

* * *

By the time the lunch break had finished, Marinette had a preliminary list of cities on the East Coast of the United States. She had researched Gotham first, but it looked far too dangerous and gloomy. Next was New York City, which she determined was too big. Philadelphia was historic, but in a way that would definitely bore her classmates. Boston was too cold despite its excitement. Which left Metropolis as the perfect candidate. It was also protected by the perfect superheroes, Superman and his family, so she was absolutely confident the school board would approve of the city.

Of course, the meeting on Monday would need more specifics than just the city, but she was pleased with her progress so far. Marinette shut down her monitor, grabbed her backpack and plate from lunch, and went downstairs to the kitchen. She quickly scrubbed and dried her plate in the sink before waving to her parents as they bustled around, accommodating the tail end of the mid-day rush.

Marinette walked across the street with a spring in her step and, spotting a tall flash of blue hair, half-jogged up to her group of friends.

“Hey guys, sorry I couldn’t make it to lunch!” She grinned apologetically at Kagami and Luka.

“That’s alright Melody,” Luka gave her a side hug, “Chloe told us you were busy planning your class trip.”

Adrien slung an arm around Kagami’s shoulder and pulled his girlfriend closer to whisper conspiratorially to her, “I hear we’re going to America.” She laughed softly at his antics and at Marinette who stuck her tongue out at him. Kagami then said to Marinette, “That sounds delightful, Marihime. I trust you will still be joining us tomorrow morning?”

Marinette’s eyes lit up with excitement at the prospect of playing the game with her friends all weekend long. “Definitely! I’m going to finish preparing for the school board meeting tonight so that we can play the second it comes out.”

“If you can wake up on time,” Chloe teased.

Marinette crossed her arms defensively and stated with pride, “I already set three alarms, thank you very much!”

Adrien burst out laughing at that. “Leave it to our everyday Ladybug,” he winked. Her face flushed as she pouted. He chuckled again and kissed Kagami on the top of her head. “See you later, mon coeur.”

She and Luka waved to the rest of the group as they left to return to their own schools. The three Francois Dupont students watched them go for a moment before returning inside.

“So, you and Kagami have plans?” Chloe asked.

“Yeah! Our parents gave special permission for a sleepover at my place tonight so we can play the game right when it comes out tomorrow.” Adrien rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit he had never quite abandoned. “But I’m not sure how often we’ll be able to be online with you guys after this weekend. You know how busy our schedules are....”

Marinette elbowed him lightly as they walked. “It’s a blessing you both managed to convince your dad and her mom to let you come to the launch at all! We’ll play together when we can, it’s no big deal.”

Adrien smiled gratefully at her and held the door open for both Marinette and Chloe as they entered the classroom. Alya was already there, and once she spotted her best friend (well, one of them), she skidded down the steps with a huge grin and held an invisible microphone up to Marinette.

“Thank you Nadja, and good afternoon Paris! This is Alya Cesaire, and today I am joined by young fashion designer Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Mlle. Dupain-Cheng, can you give us an exclusive scoop on the trip you’re planning for your class?”

“Good afternoon Mlle. Cesaire,” Marinette giggled, “Unfortunately, the trip has yet to be approved by the school board so no details just yet. But I can tell you with certainty that we will be visiting the resident city of some popular American superheroes.” She winked as she finished in her best interview voice.

Alya gasped and dropped her pretend microphone as she hugged her best friend. “Really!? Oh my gosh girl, you are the best!”

Marinette laughed and hugged her back as Alya jumped and spun them around. Once they pulled apart, she told the brunette, “As soon as the school board gives me the green light, you’ll be the first to know.”

The late bell rang and the girls practically skipped to their respective seats as Madame Bustier called the class to attention. Well, “attention” in the loosest sense of the word. They struggled once more through the majority of their lessons, but Madame Bustier seemed to sense defeat and she let them chatter excitedly for the last twenty minutes before dismissal.

Kim and Alix were boasting about how they were going to stay up all night, while Max encouraged them to maximize the time they would be able to play the next day by getting a full night’s sleep in before the launch time.

Lila bragged about her role in the creation of the game from its conception to even having suggested the highly anticipated date of release. Adrien pointedly ignored Lila in the row behind his and discussed the music they had recorded and mixed for the game with a very enthusiastic Nino.

Sabrina looked on a little sadly until Mylene, Ivan, Rose, and Juleka invited her to join their Disney movie marathon double-date instead. Mylene was too nervous to play the game so Ivan chose to sit out to support her, and video games weren’t really Rose and Juleka’s style. Sabrina’s face softened as she gratefully accepted their invitation.

Nathaniel turned around in his seat to talk to Marinette about the art rendering and the programs they used while Chloe scrolled aimlessly on her phone.

By the time the bell finally rang, the class was beyond excited to go prepare for the launch the next morning.

Marinette, to her credit, swallowed her enthusiasm and sat down to fully plan out their trip to Metropolis. It was grueling work, researching the safest hotel that was still in a central location. It had to be affordable but not shabby, too, because they had a limited budget. She eventually settled on the reputable Wayne Hotel, apparently part of an enormous corporation called Wayne Enterprises, and then began to build an itinerary with different events from there.

She worked nonstop the rest of the night, with the exception of a brief dinner break, and it was nearly 11:00 at night by the time she finished. Marinette sat up from her desk chair and stretched, then double-checked that her alarms were set before finally heading to bed.

#marinette dupain cheng #jasonette #sword art online au #virtual reality #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug fic #maribat #maribat fic #healing hands

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mintymiknow · 3 years

Text

Trust Fall - ch. 9 | Lee Minho

summary | character profiles | masterlist

Pairing: Lee Minho/Lee Know x Reader

Summary: Are you ready to open up to Minho, or does all the effort and time still remain futile in an attempt to open your heart? Something between the two of you begins to shift, but are you ready?

Genre: Secret agent/spy au, romance, angst, action

Word count: Approx. 5k

Warnings for this chapter: The mc talks about death/someone dying, but nothing is described in graphic

A/N: Surprise! Here’s another update for the series. I seem to have underestimated my current semester...I’ll be way busier in the coming days and weeks, so updates might take longer than usual now. So sorry. To make up for it, here’s ch. 9 with some swoon moments. I hope to update more, but in the case I get swamped with work, I do apologize for delays. Anyway, enjoy this for now! Again, take note that the scientific and medical things mentioned here may not be accurate or realistic, so don’t take them to heart or something hahaha!

[A/N: the italicized parts are essentially a flashback or recollection of events until the paragraphs become un-italicized again!]

After having your cut disinfected and cleaned in the medical wing - by yours truly, of course - you then proceed to the other medical room where Minho went for treatment. You’re just about to approach the door when you hear muffled voices - Minho and Seungmin.

“You got pretty beat up this time, huh?” Seungmin muses, “Last time you were injured to this extent was what? When you and Jeongin went in blindly into the den of gangs last year?”

Minho laughs tiredly, “Yeah? Well, her safety was my priority this time.”

“Romantic.” the doctor teases before comically letting out a grunt as Minho presumably smacked his arm or whatever.

You feel heat rising to your cheeks, but you shake any weird thoughts away and steel yourself. No time for useless and fluttery “feelings”. You and Minho were being professional, that’s it. You open the door to see Seungmin givin the agent the usual instructions for cleaning and taking care of the injuries he received from the fight prior. Afterwards, he turns around to leave the room, eyes finally falling on you.

“Hi, y/n. Were you able to find the things to tend to your wound?” Seungmin offers a smile.

You nod and smile back, “Yes, thank you.”

“Alright.” the doctor says, approaching the doorway, “Glad you’re safe.”

You give him a soft hum before stepping out of the way so he could walk. Once Seungmin leaves the room, you turn to Minho who is much too preoccupied with looking at the bandages on his torso. It was as if he was too bashful to look you in the eye - were his cheeks actually a shade of pink right now?

He probably knew you were outside when he said things to Seungmin but realized too late that you were just behind the door. If that were the case, why was he embarrassed? Again, you shove those thoughts to the deepest crevice in your mind.

Slowly, you approach the agent and clear your throat. “Are you ok?” you ask timidly.

Minho hums, finally looking up to meet your eyes. They’re tired, you can tell, but the glimmer in them doesn’t waver; you wished you were like that too. “This is nothing.” he replies, nodding his head towards you, “I should be asking you that question.”

You nod, releasing a heavy sigh; that’s all you do in response, and Minho drops the conversation all together. He stands up, lightly patting your shoulder as he walks past you. “Get some sleep, y/n. You need it.” he says.

“So do you.”

“I need to report to Jung.” the agent says flatly, putting a new shirt back on, “I’ll be fine, stop worrying.”

“I’m not worried.” you nearly pout, narrowing your eyes in exasperation.

At this, Minho has to stifle a teasing chuckle, “Fine, whatever. Just get some rest, alright?”

You nod, and Minho takes it as his sign to leave, walking out of the medical room with his hands shoved in his jean pockets. You watch him leave, trying to comprehend why your heart was beating so fast all of a sudden.

You're brought back from your daze when one of the lab equipments rings with a slight dinging sound, alerting you that a test had just finished. You unintentionally jolt in surprise, blinking your eyes a few times to regain your composure. You then glide the wheeled stool over to the far end of the table to retrieve the paper that had printed from the test equipment.

“Hmm.” you hum to yourself, scanning the sheet of paper with your eyes.

You continue to tinker with the red substance from the vial, running tests and combining it with other chemicals to observe specific reactions. You note everything down, unceasingly performing experiments. At some point, you combine the red substance with a few formulas before adding in a drop of liquid from the original serum Cle was currently trying to produce - this was the same serum you had kept hidden from the agents from way back.

As you glue your eyes to your experiment, they widen in surprise as some sort of chemical reaction happens. The liquids combine and fizzle for a few seconds; the red formula mixes with the bronze liquid of the serum, turning into something more copper-like. However, the warm-colored swirls begin to disappear, drastically changing the mixture into a faded yellow color akin to very diluted urine - the liquid was now essentially transparent, save for the subtle tint of yellow.

Your mouth opens slightly, leaning closer to make sure your eyes weren’t deceiving you. If this is what resulted from what you were conducting, that meant you were super close to finally finding the solution. What about that red liquid was so special? You wanted to find out, so you grab another petri dish to put drops of red liquid in, getting ready to examine it under the microscope.

That is, until the door slides open, and a familiarly smooth voice says, “What are you up to?”

Your heart leaps out of your chest, eyes wide as your body tenses. Unclenching your jaw, you swivel in the stool to face the handsome agent, “Going through the samples we got from the last mission.”

Minho hums, eyes scanning the items on the lab table. “Where are Jisung and Seungmin then? Why are you alone?” he asks.

You shrug, “I work better when I’m alone. Please just trust me on this.”

Minho raises an eyebrow before sighing as if he were too tired. Well, his face was still littered with injuries, so you assume he still was tired. “As much as I’d want nothing but to speed things up, you are supposed to be working with your team, y/n.” he says.

“I know.” you start, gesturing around the table, “But I’ll give all my findings and reports to them after. I always do.”

Minho looks at you in a deadpan manner but decides to let you off the hook. Instead, he asks, “What did you find then?”

“Well…” you trail off, still unwilling to tell him everything - just in case, right? You continue, “I have a very big feeling - and I am confident - that these substances are key substances to formulating a solution. Just...give me more time to study them.”

“Good enough.” Minho offers a small smile before playfully flicking your forehead, “Now, I came to tell you to rest. Jung wants you to accompany us on another mission.”

“Why am I needed?” you glare, rubbing the area on your head where he flicked.

Minho answers, “It’s a ball or gala of sorts, and Jung thinks your credentials will allow us easy access into the VIP guest list. Hyunjin somehow managed to come up with some esteemed political cover too.”

You cast your eyes to the floor, involuntary shivering at the thought of having to go on another mission. The last one wasn’t the most pleasant one after all.

The agent isn’t blind to your apprehension; he completely understands and sympathizes with you, in fact. He then reaches a hand out to rest on your head, lighting ruffling your hair. “I promise no harm will come your way.” he gently smiles, but there’s a confidence to it as well, “I’ll keep you safe, promise.”

You look at him with furrowed eyebrows. His eyes still hold their distinct mysteriousness, but you can clearly see the swirls of certainty and warmth in them. It prompts a small blossom of trust, blooming within the dark corners of your heart. You end up sighing and nodding your head, “Fine.”

“Good. Get rested; we leave tomorrow at 4:00 PM.” he smiles once more before making his leave so casually.

You glare and pout, thinking to yourself, “That stupid agent...”

You bite your lip, glancing at your phone laying on the table before your eyes quickly shift to the vial of the now nearly transparent liquid from your tests and experiments.

With a sigh, you squeeze your eyes shut, “This will be the last, I promise.”

Minho doesn’t really understand why his cheeks are so flushed right now as he stands in front of your bedroom door, hand poised to knock on the surface. His eyebrow twitches nervously, but he steels himself and proceeds to knock either way. A few seconds pass, but you don’t respond. Surely, you were back in your room at this time right? He did tell you to rest.

Minho knocks again, sighing when you don’t respond once more. “Dr. Song?” he calls, but no reply.

“Y/n?” he tries, but alas, nothing again.

He didn’t want to resort to it since he knew you valued your privacy, but his mind went into overdrive at your non-response. He scans his own ID in your door’s digital lock, a beeping sound ringing lightly before the lock makes a clicking sound. The agent slowly pushes the door open, being cautious just in case you were dressing or in the shower. When he’s sure you’re not even inside, he sighs and visibly relaxes.

He looks around the room before looking at the photo in his hand. He was supposed to return it to you from the other day it dropped from your notebook, but he had forgotten. Now that he remembered, you weren’t in your room. Minho ended up thinking you were still with Jisung, so he got his phone and navigated to send you a text.

Coincidentally, he received a text from you at that moment.

Song y/n: Agent Lee, I’ve gone out for dinner and coffee. I also told Chan in advance, so please don’t worry. I’ll be back right after.

Lee Minho: Is that so? Are you alone?

Song y/n: Yes, but don’t worry, I didn’t go far.

Lee Minho: Fine

Afterwards, the agent goes to his conversation with another fellow agent and texts him.

Minho: You let y/n go out?

Chan: Uh...yes. Why?

Minho: Chan…

Chan: Haha, I know Minho. But there’s no harm in it, right? Maybe she got sick of the cafeteria food. She promised to be back soon anyway. Remember...trust her.

Minho: I know but still. Now isn’t the time.

Chan: If you’re so worried, go after her. Lix can track her phone for you.

And without a second of hesitation, Minho leaves your room and heads straight to the tech department in search for a certain freckled agent.

Meanwhile, you’re seated in front of a familiar face, eating cheesecake and drinking coffee. The figure chuckles, an amused smile on his face, “Cheesecake isn’t dinner, y/n. You need more than that.”

You sigh, raising an eyebrow, “We’ve had worse things for dinner in the hospital, Hyunbin.”

The male doctor shrugs, smirking, “Admittedly, that’s true.”

“Well, I didn’t call you here to lecture me about dinner habits.” you laugh, leaning forward on the table.

“You miss me?” Hyunbin jokes heartily.

You laugh a bit louder, shaking your head, “Hardly.”

“Alright then little miss doctor.” Hyunbin playfully wiggles his eyebrows, “Why did you want to meet?”

“I have something to tell you.”

“Oh?”

You sigh, slightly deflating in your seat. “It’s about work. I can’t tell you all the details right now, but I needed your input because you’re still better at chemistry than I am.” you lightly chuckle.

Hyunbin chuckles as well, crossing his arms, “That I do not deny. Well, fire away. What do you need?”

“My job right now requires me to...test certain formulas, and one particular formula I managed to dig out was for fluoroantimonic acid - you know, the strongest acid.” you start to explain, careful to say parts of the truth, but also not everything, “I mixed something in the formula, and the overall structure changed. It was barely an acid afterwards.”

“Polytetrafluoroethylene.” you both say in unison.

Your eyes widen in curiosity, and Hyunbin can’t help but chuckle, “PTFE is used for storing superacids such as fluoroantimonic acid, right?”

“Yes, exactly.” you nod enthusiastically, “So, I am right in concluding that that particular chemical reaction happened because of the PTFE...right?”

Hyunbin hums, leaning back on his chair, “I believe so. In liquid or powder form, I think PTFE is more than enough to create such reactions in superacids.”

You release a sigh of relief, leaning back on your chair as well, “Amazing.”

Hyunbin laughs, tilting his head, “What’s wrong?”

You shake your head and laugh, “It’s just a relief to know that I’m doing an...alright job in work.”

“You always do, what are you talking about?” the male laughs.

“Whatever.”

For the next few minutes, you and Hyunbin then converse and catch up with each other, reminiscing about memories in the hospital and so on. After about 30 minutes, Hyunbin excuses himself as he needed to get back to his shift. You also explain that you have to head back to work. When the male doctor leaves the coffee shop, you step out a few minutes later.

You’d be on your way back to HQ, but a certain black-shirt-wearing male with his arms crossed blocks your path.

You curse in your mind.

“Minho.”

“Y/n.”

The agent glances sidewards, nodding his head towards a figure that had just entered his car. “So...dinner alone, huh?” he says a bit hostile.

You sigh, closing your eyes, “I know what you’re gonna say, so don’t bother. I’m sorry I lied, but I knew neither of you were going to let me have dinner with him.”

Minho sighs, lips twisting into a disappointed frown, “You could have tried.”

“We both know what your answer is gonna be.”

“What did you guys do? Talk about?” Minho then shifts the conversation.

You don’t bat an eye as you answer the male, “Hospital stuff. Catching up on how work was in Gongjak. Talking about old memories we miss.”

Minho hums, unfolding his arms, “And speaking of memories…”

The agent then pulls something from his wallet, handing you a small photo. Your eyes widen upon landing on the picture, and when you take it from the agent, you look at him in confusion, “How…”

Minho’s expression softens, though you know he’s still a bit annoyed. “I think you dropped it the other day in the lab. Not sure how though.” he explains.

You slowly nod, eyes glued to the polaroid photo, “Oh. Thank you.”

“The guy is obviously your friend, but who’s the other woman?” Minho asks, “Must have been close for you to go all the way here to meet with Dr. Kang to reminisce on stuff.”

You glare at the male, appalled by the callous tone in his voice. “Yes, we were very close as a matter of fact. Closer than sisters.” you huff out, willing your tears to retreat.

Minho glances at his watch before sighing, “Want to take a walk?”

“What?”

“You look like you need the fresh air.” Minho offers an apologetic smile.

“Ok.” you say softly.

And so you and Minho end up casually walking along a nearby park, letting yourselves relish in the calming wind and basking in the moonlight.

“Hyunbin or Dr. Kang and Ahn Hyejoo - the woman in the picture - were my closest friends in Gongjak.” you suddenly say, quiet enough for only Minho to hear, “After I left SKZ, the three of us started working in Gongjak at the same time. Basically, we entered the hospital together.”

Minho looks at you earnestly, choosing to listen quietly. It wasn’t everyday you’d actually open up, after all. You continue to speak, eyes filled with a certain gloominess, “Hyunbin came from a smaller hospital at that time, and Hyejoo had just finished her training or residency. The three of us had similar shift times and worked in the same hospital floors or area, so eventually, we became friends. As you probably know, I had a difficult time opening up to other people after SKZ, but those two managed to help me through it.”

“Dr. Kang is still in Gongjak.” Minho treads carefully, “Where’s Dr. Ahn?”

“She’s dead.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” you smile sadly as if remembering a distant memory, “She got into an accident but somehow, her heart survived. So...in a way, she’s gone, but I know her heart was donated to someone who needed it so somehow, she’s still alive. It’s weird, but that’s the world of medicine I guess. No matter what happens, us doctors keep people alive as best as we can.”

Minho can’t help the smile that curls at his lips, specks of adoration and warmth swimming in his eyes as he looks at you. You’ve both now made it back to his car, merely standing by the passenger’s side. The wind howls by, scattering strands of your hair across your face. Minho chuckles softly, reaching out to tuck the stray strands behind your ear; his fingers ghost over the shell of your ear, and you can feel the warmth of his skin.

Your heart hammers in your chest as Minho looks down at you; his features are softened by the soft glow of the moon, and you can’t help but think about how ethereal he looks right now. The male agent’s lips curl into a smaller smirk, “I guess Jung was right.”

You tilt your head, accidentally leaning into Minho’s hand by your ear. He then chuckles, smirk replaced by a small smile, “You certainly are one of a kind.”

And then his hand is gone, and he’s walking towards the driver’s side. You stand there, speechless at his actions and gape like a fish. “Hey...Lee Minho!” you stutter.

“Get in the car, Dr. Song. We should get back and rest.”

“I want to strangle you.”

“How cute.”

Mission day commences, and you and the other agents have gathered in a luxurious function hall in yet another five-star hotel. Apparently, a Cle agent was attending the gala to meet with a prospective serum buyer. The agents needed to infiltrate the Cle person’s hotel room where, as per intel, his papers and plans were being held.

Minho, Jeongin and Chan were to loiter in the gala hall, eyes scanning the crowd for signs of the target. Changbin and Hyunjin would handle getting into the room when the time was right. You were there to ease suspicion as your credentials landed your group a place on the VIP list.

So here you were, dressed in a pretty white dress, hanging back by the wall and sipping some champagne with the three agents. Chan sipped on his champagne glass as well, sighing, “I want this whole mission to be over so we can celebrate and drink champagne comfortably in HQ…”

Jeongin chuckles, “You say that during every mission.”

The eldest agent shrugs, “My point still stands.”

Minho smiles, adjusting the vest of his three-piece suit. “But you’re drinking champagne now.” he laughs.

“Barely taking sips.” Chan laughs, “We’re on duty, so we can’t risk too much alcohol.”

Jeongin then smiles, clasping his hands together, “Well then, time to split up.”

Chan and Minho nod, and before you know it, the three agents are scattering amongst the crowd. Chan goes towards the other end of the hall, blending in by talking to two women who more or less giggle at everything the dimpled man says. Jeongin heads over to the refreshments table, pretending to be knowledgeable on all the wine as a middle-aged man approaches him. Slowly, the orchestra begins to play some classical music, and the gala-goers are either ballroom dancing or engage in conversation amongst themselves.

Minho takes the champagne glass from your hand and places it on the tray of a waiter that passed by. You look at the agent with a tilt of your head, and he smiles, “Shall we dance?”

“I’m a horrible dancer.”

“Just follow my lead.”

You pout at the male, but he merely laughs and takes your hand, smoothly dragging you to the area where other guests are dancing. He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you close much to your surprise. His other hand gently grasps your own, giving it a light squeeze. Without much choice, you squeeze back as your other hand rests on his shoulder. Soon, you’re both smoothly swaying to the music.

“I’ll admit that I wasn’t expecting agents to know how to dance as well.” you playfully jab, “Are you trained to do everything in existence?”

Minho smirks, “Not exactly. We just pick up on it especially on undercover missions.”

“I think I’ve watched too many James Bond movies.” you tease.

“Oh? So you like those debonair types, huh?” Minho teases back.

You scoff, rolling your eyes, “I’m just trying to see if they depict agents accurately.”

“50/50.” Minho laughs, “Do you want me to start acting like James Bond?”

You raise an eyebrow playfully, “And end up with me in your hotel bed? No thanks.”

The agent laughs again, playfully pinching your cheek, “Why, what a mind you have, dear doctor.”

“It’s true! Have you not watched any of the movies?” you laugh while trying to defend yourself.

You aren’t sure how the conversation moves along, but somehow, you both end up talking about the previous mission - the one where he had gotten hurt to protect you. While dancing to the orchestra’s music, you don’t miss out on how Minho pulls you closer, giving your waist a very subtle squeeze.

“You know…” he trails off, “I’m rarely a shaken or anxious person, but the day of that mission, I was genuinely frazzled.”

“Why?” you ask quietly.

“Because it’s my duty to keep you safe as an agent of SKZ” is what he wants to say - to pretend he doesn’t genuinely care and hide everything under the guise of obligation.

But he lets something else slip past his lips just this once.

“Because I was afraid you’d get hurt.” he says while staring directly into your eyes.

You feel the heat rising to your cheeks, but you try your best to remain calm. “Isn’t that...normal for people you’re working with in your field of work?”

“As skilled as people think I am, anything is possible. The people that attacked us could have killed me and hurt you. Taken you hostage or brought you to Cle.” Minho starts, “I didn’t want that.”

You hum, “Is this what Jeongin meant when you’re nicer and much more caring than you seem?”

Minh chuckles airily, and suddenly, all other noise is drowned out. “This is me showing you the side of me that only Chan and the rest are privileged to see.”

“Why though?” your voice nearly wavers as you notice how Minho lets go of your hand, both of his arms now around your waist.

“Because I trust you.”

You gulp, slowly but surely wrapping your arms around his neck. “Why?” you repeat your question, afraid of his answer. Or worse, afraid of his decision.

“Because I can.” Minho answers with confidence, “I want you to know that I trust you so that you can trust me as well. I don’t even need you to trust the whole of SKZ. Just me, Chan and the other boys at least.”

You nod, but before you can speak or make any response, Jeongin speaks into his communication device, and you can somehow tell he’s grinning as he does so, “Target spotted. Shall we set the plan in motion?”

“Got it. We’re on standby now.” Minho says, looking past your shoulder to observe the crowd.

Somewhere in the room, Jeongin has managed to engage in conversation with their target, a bit too enthusiastically talking about the wine in their hands.

“I do prefer white wine.” Joengin laughs with practice, “Lighter and sweeter, you know?”

The target hums and smiles unknowing, “Perhaps, but red wine is much better suited for meat.”

“Oh, steaks and such? You’re a man of fine dining, I see!” Jeongin laughs, “Expensive taste.”

“Hardly. I just see it in cooking channels all the time. Makes me really hungry honestly.” the target points out before sipping his red wine.

Jeongin nods, but afterwards, Chan arrives at the scene and pretends to trip, thus dowsing his own glass of red wine on their target. The eldest agent feigns innocence as he gasps and repeatedly apologizes, “I am so sorry, my goodness! Sorry about that, mister!”

Jeongin pretends to watch in shock, grabbing a bunch of table napkins and dabbing it onto the spilled area on the target’s white dress shirt. “Oh dear, oh dear.” Jeongin sing-songs.

The target awkwardly laughs, gently pushing the two males away from him, “Don’t worry, um...I’ll just get changed. It’s just a stain. I have some clothes in my room, so if you’ll excuse me.”

With that, the target hurriedly makes his leave, and Jeongin smiles a bit too mischievously. “Target is on his way.” he says into his device.

A few seconds later, Hyunjin and Changbin speak into their own devices, “Got it. We’re on stand-by.”

Silence ensues as your dancing slows, no longer ballroom dancing but just subtly swaying to the music. Minho’s arms are secure around your waist just as yours are around his neck. Somewhere along the way, you rest your head against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat - steady just like he always was. Minho rests his head on top of yours as well, allowing himself to melt and relax with you in his arms.

Never did he think he’d let himself do such a thing. If Chan and Jeongin could see this, they were probably stifling their snickers.

“Minho.” you suddenly say, voice barely above a whisper.

“Hmm?”

“I...have to tell you something.” you say, unconsciously hugging him closer.

You can feel Minho nodding for you to continue, so you slowly lift your head from his chest to look at him. Your eyes quiver and you have to swallow a ball-sized lump in your throat for you to gather the courage to speak again.

“I’ve been hiding some findings and results from you and the team.” you admit, closing your eyes guiltily, “And one or two vials of evidence.”

You expect Minho to scowl and glare at you coldly, maybe drag you out of the hall to lecture you once again. You, however, do not expect him to hold you closer, inching his face closer just to whisper between yourselves. “I’m not surprised, y/n. I had a hunch that’s what was going on.” he says, and you can swear you hear a sense of amusement in his voice.

You open your eyes to look back at him, furrowed eyebrows expressing your surprise. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re not the best liar, y/n.” Minho chuckles, “Though of course you aren’t. You hate lying. I sort of knew all along that there were things you were hiding from me, but Chan asked me to be more understanding of your reasons, and I trust Chan more than anyone, so I decided to listen to him and wait for you to admit it yourself.”

The look of embarrassment that flashes across your face puts a cheeky smile on Minho’s lips before he shifts into a more serious expression. “I do have to ask why though.” he says.

You sigh, looking down at the floor. You’ve both now stopped dancing altogether, merely standing in each other’s arms amongst the busy crowd of guests. “I didn’t know who to trust with this information. The things I’ve discovered could potentially put an end to this Cle serum issue, but I just...couldn’t risk it.”

Minho continues to look down at you expectantly. You clear your throat and bow your head lower, “Sorry, I know you just said you trusted me.”

You feel fingers on your chin, lifting it up to bring you face-to-face with the male. Your eyes meet Minho’s, and there’s some sort of cosmic dance between you two. With raised and expectant eyebrows, Minho whispers, “I’ll let it slide for now since you told me this soon, but please, y/n, refrain from doing that ever again.”

“I know. I’m sorry again.”

He sighs, nodding in acknowledgement. Another blanket of silence covers the two of you despite the orchestra still playing music and other guests chattering with each other.

“Thank you.” Minho suddenly whispers, and it only dawns on you now that he’s mere centimeters away from your face.

He’s so close that you feel his breath mingling with yours, the tips of your noses barely touching. His hands rest at the small of your back, but there’s a certain pressure to his touch as if he was restraining himself from something. Your breathing comes to a stop as does time, and your grip on his broad shoulders tightens. Both your eyes are lidded as you stare at each other; you can tell his eyes have landed on your lipstick-covered lips, and the agent can deduce the same for you - your eyes are definitely caught up in looking at his own lips.

Something in your heart booms - or maybe snaps - and it would seem the same for Minho because he’s leaning closer, eyes now closed as he closes the gap. You shut your eyes as well, preparing yourself for the touch of his lips on yours.

You soon feel the ghosting touch of his lips grazing yours, sending a jolt of electricity up your veins. But just as soon as your lips barely touch, the sound of his communication device going on surprises both of you, and you abruptly pull away from each other.

Embarrassment floods both of you; your cheeks are a shade of deep pink as Minho’s ears turn bright red. Clearing his throat, the agent listens to what his fellow agents have to say. “Target apprehended. We’re in his room. 1117.” Hyunjin says slyly, and it probably was because he was smirking.

“On the way.” Jeongin and Chan say simultaneously.

Minho turns to you, all remnants of flusteredness now gone. “Let’s go.” he says, grabbing your wrist.

But you stop in your tracks, hesitation evident in your body language. Minho understands why, so he offers you a small smile. “Y/n, this time, I promise. No one will harm you. I’m there, Chan’s there, Changbin’s there. Just stay with me, ok?” he says softly.

You eventually nod, answering him by giving him a small smile. Minho flashes one more warm smile before moving his hand to interlace his fingers with yours. With that, you both calmly proceed to the elevators to meet up with the other team members, his hand never leaving yours.

It’s all too familiar.

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violetmuses · 3 years

Text

Silhouette || Chapter 4

A/N: @anteroom-of-death @eyelinerandcigarettes @stylesthesunflower @isthisthe5thfloor @thisworldwecallsleep

2016

Helmut Zemo

“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” - Audrey Hepburn

Orange tints of one incoming sunset peaked through every floor to ceiling window towering in her cornered office once more.

Beforehand, we laughed and smiled after finally settling down over lunch together. Shared passion that had taken place earlier would certainly need to wait, especially since I pushed subtle envelopes.

“Ready to go?” Whilst I sat in the leather chair perched behind her desk, Nicole sat on my lap, spooning out bites of ice cream from this pint of Cookie Dough. My best friend rarely enjoyed other flavors, always purchasing this choice from the market.

“Usually, I would say yes, but this position is very comfortable.” I smirked. She knew that I had made my own point again.

“Oh, be quiet. We’ll probably do the same thing later.” Nicole gently scooted off my lap and smiled, chuckling before throwing away the empty pint of ice cream. I’d already rebooted the security cameras in here to her relief.

“Could I please drive?” I asked her that one question for a second time on that particular day, genuinely pouting as I stood with this work bag shouldering my life side.

“No.” Nicole said, grabbing her belongings and her keys once more before heading towards her front door. All around, lights then automatically turned off because of sensors here in the room.

________

“Can you work from home yet?” I was reading in bed later that evening while Nicole finished brushing her teeth in the bathroom.

“Tomorrow’s Saturday. Might as well. Even if I’m not around, the building runs like transit.” she then peeked from the open door, smiling towards me

“Good. I have an idea.” I closed this hardcover book, placing it onto one of our bedside tables.

“What, another day trip?” Nicole then walked towards me, dressed in a silk robe, which peeked violet lingerie from this morning.

“No.” I bit my lip, waiting for Nicole to sit beside me on the covers.

“Go on.”

Three, two, one. My thoughts counted down.

Once 11:59 PM struck to 12:00 AM on our digital clock, I leaned inwards directly across the bed to meet her bare lips, smiling into the kiss and smooth her dimples with my thumb before gently pulling away.

“Happy birthday, my love.” I answered, hoping that the rasp of my own voice did not layer with some sort of malice rather than joy here.

“Aw. Thank you. Is this part of why you’ve been trying to keep me around so recently?” she chuckled, almost turning from my gaze.

“Not exactly, but your birthday is still important. I just don’t want you to overexert yourself.” I said, hoping that the caution of my words did not lead to another disagreement.

“I won’t.” she promised once more, leaning into another kiss that would take place between us.

_____

“Good morning,” My voice whispered into her ear as I held Nicole from behind and we woke up together for once. Sunlight peeked through once more, barely rising through the windows to greet us on this special day. Of course, I had already wished my angel “Happy Birthday” at midnight, but she was still around, with me.

“Good morning, Baby.” Nicole then turned in my arms, hugging me back in return and allowing loose curls of her hair fall against me. One gold chain even clasped around my neck and its centered letter also peeked through my loops of chest hair

“Anything you want, we’ll do it.” I gently reached out to hold her cheek. We both laughed quietly together as I realized her night scarf had fallen off once more, a typical occurrence since we began staying in the same bed.

“I’m buying tight hair caps next time.” Nicole rolled her eyes

“Just tell me which brand and I’ll order them right now.” I promised, hoping that she would not have to complete much today.

“Thank you, but don’t start freaking out. There’s just store-bought caps.” she replied back soon after, amused.

“Fine.” I moved to lay on my back, watching the ceiling overhead as sunlight began to glow on her beautifully dark complexion.

“What?” Her dimples turned up, showing laugh lines. Despite some suggestiveness of her silk robe and lingerie from the night before, she looked like an angel, smiling for me in our “small” corner of the world.

“Do you even understand how beautiful you are?” I turned, noticing her from the corner of my eye. This moment between us wasn’t even filled with sexual tension as it might have occured yesterday.

“Thank you,” she whispered, repeating herself and offering shyness for once. Now, I saw one of the few occasions where she allowed herself to be vulnerable without crying.

“French Toast for breakfast in bed?” I asked.

“Sure.” she set her hands together whilst sitting up against our pillows, smiling just before I headed downstairs.

______

“Have you finished for the day?” I questioned, noticing that she finally walked out of her home office by the afternoon.

“Pretty much. A few people sent birthday wishes during my video chat, too.” she smiled, taking off heels that were used for the sake of dressing up on camera to work.

“That’s sweet.” I grinned, reading another book on the sofa.

As for her celebration with me, we had stayed home for once, only leaving to drive out and pick up lunch together from her favorite Italian restaurant located just nearby.

“Wanna go out tonight?” she winked, moving just right to sit on my lap once more.

“What do you mean? Are we having some kind of dinner date or going to the cinema?” I tilted my head, genuinely curious.

“Don’t play dumb. You know what I mean.” she cackled now, soon implying various memories.

“No.” I laughed, nearly hiding my face in embarrassment.

“It was the funniest shit ever! I still have that first video from Madripoor.” Nicole continued laughing and already took her personal cell phone.

“I will never choose Schnapps again. Promise that you will never let me drink on an empty stomach.” I cautioned and shook my head, still cringing as I remembered some of that evening.

“Don’t blame me. You made that decision.” My best friend corrected me. If it were not for our driver aiding us both that night, I would’ve definitely fallen over on the way back to our rented Hightown apartment.

“Could we at least eat dinner first before going downtown?” I whispered, ignoring the fact that Nicole played thIs video of me moving to contemporary music without showing much rhythm. I would say that Ballroom dancing was my forte due to lineage instead.

“Of course. Let me order food and then I’ll call one of your drivers. Does that seem fair?” she asked, finally allowing one of my resources to be used on her birthday.

“Fair.” I smiled once more, kissing her cheek before she dialed a phone number.

#zemo tag #fluff and comfort #oc x canon #zemo x oc #mcu #mcu fic #daniel brühl

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theasstour · 4 years

Photo

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓑𝓲𝓻𝓽𝓱 𝓸𝓯 𝓥𝓮𝓷𝓾𝓼 𝓫𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓻𝓸 𝓑𝓸𝓽𝓽𝓲𝓬𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓲

𝓯𝓲𝓬 𝓹𝓪𝓰𝓮 | 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓽: 21k 𝓝𝓑: 𝓮𝔁𝓹𝓵𝓲𝓬𝓲𝓽 𝓵𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓾𝓪𝓰𝓮, 𝓼𝓮𝔁𝓾𝓪𝓵 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓽

A/N: my baby @shepherald... grazie mille my dear one! i’ll never be able to thank you enough for what you’ve done for bb, and i’ll never be able to put into words how much you mean to me! i love you so much! thank you!

A/N2: so, this is it! last chapter of bb! it honestly doesn’t seem real, and i’m so sad i have to let painter!harry go cos i’ve grown quite fond of him the year i’ve spent thinking about him and this fic! what bb represents is what makes this fic so special to me. i - a plus size woman - never felt like i belonged anywhere. i assumed i was unloveable from never seeing a bigger person like myself in a book or a film where that person was deemed attractive. they were always the clown, or ‘the fat character’, or their entire storyline was based around them needing to lose weight. i’ve gotten pretty fucking tired of never seeing myself represented properly in fiction or irl or ANYWHERE for that matter, so i decided to take matters into my own hands, and i cannot begin to tell you how LIBERATING and AMAZING it felt! to each person who reached out to me saying bb made them confident, made them feel like they weren’t alone, opened their eyes to what life as a bigger person is: i love you all. this is the exact reason why i wrote bb. fat doesn’t equal ugly, it doesn’t equal unloveable, it doesn’t equal any negatively charged words. fat equals beautiful, it equals human. and anyone who ever tries to tell you otherwise can choke lmao. enjoy this last instalment of bb, i love you all so much x

Sunday, 1 March 2020

Y/N had always thought that the biggest changes were those you didn’t pay immediate notice to. Like the changing of the seasons, aging on your birthday, when the clock struck 12 and a new day began. Changes that were caused by time; that could not be prevented. Loads of changes couldn’t be prevented, but it was impossible to escape time. Manmade to make life simpler to live, and yet it’s what kills us in the end. However, Y/N had come to learn that some changes – the biggest and worst of them all – pained you so much, they didn’t fully leave your body. Like a volcanic eruption, they’d come every now and again, but would leave you scorched and burning for days. She chose not to think about those changes.

But it was hard when she was out shopping with her younger sister and said younger sister would not stop bloody chattering. The first day of spring had brought nothing but clouds and the occasional fall of some rain. Y/N wasn’t impressed. Wasn’t a new season supposed to bring something else? So far it just felt like any other winter day in south England.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

Looking up at Portia, it was painfully obvious Y/N hadn’t been paying attention to anything her sister had been saying.

Portia raised her eyebrows. “Are you taking the mick right now?”

“What?!”

“You’re not even listening to what I’ve been saying.” Portia scanned her Oyster card and walked on into Haggerston station, leaving Y/N sighing behind her. Y/N scanned her own card and followed, knowing that her sister would not stop being annoying unless she asked what she’d been talking about. The second she began talking again, she’d forget Y/N wasn’t listening to begin with.

The two were on their way to Victoria Station, Portia was going back home after having stayed with Y/N in her shared flat in Hackney for two weeks, having had some modelling jobs to attend to. And now that she was done, she would be going home to their mother and staying there for a week until she had to come back down to London for some more jobs. Y/N was getting rather sick of her little sister staying with her when she could easily find her own flat, but she figured she’d bring that conversation up another time. A time when she hadn’t pissed her sister off already that day.

“Tia,” Y/N said as they reached the Southbound platform, the windy remnants of the storm that had just been making it freezing to be taking the Overground and wait outside for the next tube to arrive. “What were you saying?”

“Do you even care?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

“This bloke I’ve been going on dates with while I’ve been here, right,” Portia started crossing her arms over her chest as the tube started approaching, knowing that a gust of wind would accompany it. “He’s got this friend that’s been eyeing me up the two times I’ve met him. He’s fit and everything, but I’m seeing Azeem, you know.”

“Tell Azeem his mate makes you feel uncomfortable and he’ll do something about it till next time you meet.”

“But he doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable, that’s the thing.” Portia sighed as the two girls walked up to the yellow line, waiting for the train to stop so they could get on. “I just think it’s annoying.”

“That men find you attractive?”

“That the fit one’s are always the ones I can’t have.”

“Oh, my days, Portia.” Y/N mumbled, getting on the Overground and sitting down in one of the orange and brown seats. Portia sat down next to her, putting her bag on the ground beside her feet.

“What, Y/N?”

“You just sound like a bellend.”

“How?”

Y/N gave her a look.

“How?!”

“’The fit one’s are always the ones I can’t have’? At least you’re dating someone, and they’re interested in you.”

“And Azeem is delicious, but his mate’s got…”

“Got what?”

Portia sighed. “Got nice arms.”

Y/N leaned her head against the wall behind her, it swayed with the moving coach.

“I know it’s not all about looks.”

“It really is not.”

“But I still can’t help myself.”

“You’re such a prick.”

“Don’t be rude.” Portia nudged her sister’s shoulder. “If you’d just go out and date people as well, you’d have the same problems.”

Y/N huffed, looking at Portia. “Doubt it.”

Portia rested one leg on top of the other, examining her nails. “You’re so boring sometimes.”

“Cheers.”

“No,” Portia glanced at Y/N again. “But isn’t it boring to just be sat inside all day?”

“Oh, it’s incredibly boring to get an education.”

Portia rolled her eyes.

“Go out of my mind going to lectures, writing my dissertation, doing other assessments, and applying to thousands of jobs a day.”

Portia crossed her arms, looking ahead.

“So boring.”

“I know you pride yourself on the fact you’re gonna be a vet.”

“Shouldn’t I?”

Portia sighed, refusing to answer. The two kept quiet after that. Y/N knew in order to make Portia shut up, she just had to bring up her education. Portia was fully aware that Y/N was the smartest one out of the two of them – quite frankly, the smartest one in their entire family – and if Y/N rubbed it in, Portia would keep quiet. Reminding her sister how she’d gotten into the University of her dreams and was doing great, was a low blow, Y/N knew that. But at the same time, Portia just pissed her off so much sometimes that she simply could not help herself.

The two got up as they reached their stop at Canada Water, and walked off towards the Jubilee line once the tube doors opened. Portia’s bag kept bumping into Y/N as they walked, and though she would normally tell her to piss off, to keep her bag closer, she didn’t know. Giving Portia a reason to start shouting at her in the middle of a tube station was not ideal. She was mad enough as it was.

They got on the escalator, Y/N was just about to tell Portia what direction to walk in once they reached the bottom since her little sister always forgot, but Portia gasped before Y/N got the chance. Looking up at her sister, Portia’s eyes were wide, a small smile lingering on her lips. She pointed to the digital posters that lined the wall along the escalator, making Y/N look to her right to see what had gotten her sister all excited.

It was the colour that stood out first. She remembered the exact shade of it. The painting stood out second, then the colour of the person’s hair, the shape of their body, the shoes. The landscape, the warm colours. It was her. It was the same day she’d found Viola. The same day Harry had supposedly… No, she couldn’t even finish that thought. She’d tried not to think of him for months now. As they passed another one of the posters, she looked at it again. In white and bold letters, the text on the poster said ‘H. Styles’ exclusive and limited new exhibition. 11:00-18:00. 23rd February – 1st March. Dover Street, Mayfair. £10 admission.’

“Y/N, what the fuck?” Portia said, tapping her finger against the screen multiple times as they passed yet another one of the posters. “What the fuck?”

The exact same statement was going on repeat in Y/N’s head as well. Seeing the painting, seeing herself on that poster, it brought back so incredibly many memories from a time she had tried to forget.

Ever since they had parted ways, Y/N and Harry had only talked on a handful of occasions. They would text one another – very early on, Harry even called her twice (only after making sure the time zones weren’t fucked and she wasn’t asleep) -, and they did so for a long while, but then Harry’s answers got shorter and shorter, and Y/N felt like he might be falling out of love. She didn’t want to ask him in case she was reading too much into things, afraid of what the answer might be. She was still in love with him, would probably be so till the day she died, but she didn’t want to force him to talk to her if he wasn’t feeling it anymore.

As time went on, their text conversations got less frequent, and by Christmas, they weren’t talking at all. Y/N had tried to forget about him, thinking that he might have just viewed what they had as an intense summer romance and that was it. After all, he was a passionate and artistic man, maybe he fell in love with the thought, image, and what she represented to his summer more than her person. It all hurt to think about, which was why she rarely allowed herself to think about him at all. She hadn’t seen him in almost seven months, she was terrified of what that distance had done to them. To his heart. Because hers still longed for his in every way a person could yearn for another. It proved hard living apart from a person whose name you had etched onto the organ that kept you alive.

They reached the bottom of the escalator and the two girls stepped off, Y/N blinking a few extra times because she simply could not hold tears back when she was thinking about Harry. Portia walked beside Y/N, mouth agape.

“Y/N,” she said. “We have to go.”

Y/N sniffled, pretending it was because she’d caught a cold. “Why?”

Portia glanced at her as if she was insane.

“What?”

“Don’t even start, Y/N. We’re going. I need to see those paintings and so do you.” Portia walked onto the Jubilee tube, Y/N following straight after. They held onto a pole, and when Y/N averted her eyes to the advertisement on the walls of the coach, she saw Harry’s poster again. They were everywhere, how hadn’t she noticed them before?

“Dover Street.” Portia said. “Right by Piccadilly, innit?”

“Yeah.”

“Brill, we just jump off at Green Park and walk for like five minutes and we’ll be there.”

Y/N sighed, suddenly feeling like she needed to throw up.

Portia grinned, looking at Y/N. “I’m excited now.”

“Portia, this is a bad idea.”

“It’s a splendid idea.” Portia corrected. “I need to see all the paintings. I’m sure they’re amazing.”

Y/N had never told Portia she hadn’t seen the paintings herself, that Harry hadn’t let her. But then again, there were a lot of things she hadn’t told Portia about last summer and H. Styles. Her heart was beating way faster than normal, she was suddenly sweating. The notion that Harry might be there was overwhelming, that he had probably been in London for a while now but not contacted her made her entire body ache in a way it had never done before. Though Harry being at his own gallery didn’t make sense on any other days than the opening one, Y/N was still sick thinking about meeting him. He wouldn’t be there, but she still was wary of going.

“What’s gotten into you, you look faint.” Portia pointed out, raising her eyebrows.

“I think it’s a really bad idea to go to that exhibition.”

“What the fuck, Y/N?” Portia groaned. “These are paintings of you. You’re literally the star of the whole thing.”

Y/N shrugged.

“Besides, I don’t think we have to pay a tenner since you literally spent all summer with him so he could paint you. Free admission equals ‘why the fuck not’.”

Would Harry even want her there? They hadn’t talked after all; he hadn’t told her he was in London. Maybe he didn’t want her to come see the paintings. Maybe he just wanted her to stay away.

She hated how much she was overthinking this. The last thing she wanted to do was step on Harry’s toes, especially now that they hadn’t spoken in a while. Especially because she loved him and was afraid he didn’t anymore. However, realising the reason she was overthinking in the first place, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. It was because Harry meant so much to her. Never could she face him now without knowing if he felt the same way about her.

Portia dragged Y/N off at Green Park, walking towards the exit with an excited gleam in her eyes. Y/N’s stomach hurt so much she didn’t know what to do. She wanted to lay down in a foetal position and die. This was all so sudden, so overwhelming. They exited the underground, and as they reached the outside again, the sun was shining and the wind didn’t seem as horrible. It didn’t ease Y/N’s nerves one bit, though.

It took them a total of three minutes to reach Dover Street, and the exhibition was one of the first things that caught Y/N’s eyes. The entire front was made of glass, covered in a baby blue sheet that read ‘H. Styles’ new exclusive exhibition.’ Portia gripped Y/N’s arm, squealing before she looked both ways and crossed the street. Y/N knew Dover Street was known for having numerous contemporary art galleries, but looking down the street, none stood out as much as Harry’s. It was impossible to view any of the paintings through the windows, undoubtedly leaving people wanting to pay the 10 quid to do just that. Y/N was torn between actually wanting to walk inside or sprint back to Hackney.

“Why’re you hesitating? Come on!” Portia took Y/N’s hand and opened the door with the other, forcing Y/N in first.

The reception was dark, absolutely everything covered in black from the floor to the ceiling. There was nothing on the walls, nothing that stood out. But in the middle of the room stood another black wall, covering the proper entrance to the actual exhibition. In front of it stood a reception desk in the same colour, and behind it sat an old man, but he was accompanied by a figure Y/N recognised right away. Portia walked straight up to the desk, a huge smile on her face.

“Good afternoon, miss,” the old man said, smiling right back at her.

“Hi, my sister and I would love to just enter the exhibition, please.”

“20 pounds, then.” Jamie said, standing bent over a pile of papers that they were signing and reading over.

“No, you don’t understand,” Portia started, turning around and beckoning Y/N over. “My sister is a good friend of H. Styles.”

Jamie looked up, their eyes immediately landing on Y/N. And just like that, she was brought right back to last summer and everything Jamie had told Harry on one of her last nights there. So many memories washed over her that it made her a little dizzy. The car rides where she and Jamie would sit in the backseat and discuss animals, life, or anything else that would’ve caught their attention. The other times when they’d wait for Harry to get ready downstairs. She didn’t know how to act. Did she give them a hug? Did she smile? Did she say something? This was exactly why she didn’t want to go.

“Y/N,” Jamie said, standing up straight.

“So you recognise her!” Portia was elated. “Can we just walk on in then?”

Jamie and Y/N didn’t break eye contact, both at a loss for words. It was clear that something went down between them, that there was something unspoken in the air of the reception hall. Y/N looked away, not wanting to have Portia ask her about Jamie once they entered the gallery. She didn’t want to tell her; didn’t want to recount anything from her time in Italy.

“Yeah,” Jamie hastily reached for two brochures, locking eyes with Y/N again as he handed them to her. Portia raised her eyebrows, catching on that something was going on. She looked at Y/N. “Don’t take any photographs, if any of our guards see you do so, you will be asked to leave and pay a fine. Other than that, I hope you enjoy.” Y/N knew they were talking to both her and Portia, but by the look in their eyes, she felt as though they were talking to her alone.

“Thank you very much.” Portia smiled, taking one of the brochures and walking away from them.

Y/N looked at the brochure, just as baby blue as the sheet that had covered the front of the gallery, the same writing on it as well. Her eyes met Jamie’s again, and there was something about the way they glanced at her that was so sad. Somewhere in the wrinkle between their eyebrows Y/N saw an apology of sorts. Regret so deep and intense that she could feel it herself. They didn’t say anything, but Y/N felt the agony; saw something in their eyes that she hadn’t experienced herself, but that they needed her to see. She gave them a small smile before following Portia and walking around the wall behind the reception desk, keeping her eyes on the brochure in her hands.

If meeting Jamie had her shaken up this bad, she didn’t even want to begin to think what an encounter with Harry would bring. The leaflet was shaking in her hand, begging for her to open it. What would it even hold? Copies of the paintings? No, if they weren’t allowed to take pictures inside, why would he have them attached in leaflets for anyone to see?

“Oh, my word.” Portia said, making Y/N look up.

The entrance to the gallery had her halting. Just like everything else, she recognised it right away. All over the wall was a painting she’d seen on her first week last summer; seen on one of her last days when she’d shown it to Harry.

“When I first moved into the flat, I found a painting in this wardrobe.” She pulled it down, taking a glance at the autumn painting depicting a gravel path leading nowhere into darkness. Turning around, she walked back over to the bed, handing the painting to Harry. “That’s only one of like, two of your paintings I’ve really seen, other was one of the sea back in your house. Mind if I ask what inspired this one?”

A projector planted it on the dark surface, welcoming the guests to the gallery. A gravel path leading off far into the dark distance, tall oak trees surrounding it, filled with the rich colours of autumn. Though it was filled with yellow and green, two colours that would normally have positive connotations, Y/N couldn’t help but get quite the opposite vibes staring at it, just like all the other times she’d seen it. There was something about it she couldn’t put her finger on. Like there laid a secret at the end of the path; an explanation in the black of the unknown.

“It’s the drive to my house back in Manchester. The drive up to my childhood home, or… this is facing the other way.” He explained, dragging his finger gently along the gravel path. “It’s what you see when you’re leaving.” He shifted the attention of his finger to the trees of different colours. “Autumn, the dull colours…” he trailed off, as if reliving a memory he’d almost suppressed; something he’d pushed so far into the back of his head it had almost vaporised and disappeared into nothingness. “This was when I left home, when I first moved to London.” He pointed at the darkness at the end of the gravel path. “That’s the end of the road, I couldn’t make it out clearly. My future, I mean. It’s all supposed to represent uncertainty.”

Portia looked over her shoulder at Y/N, squealing. The darkness at the end of the painting was a hallway, a dark corridor that seemed to be leading off into nowhere. Her sister stood there waiting for her, reaching her hand out so they could walk through the darkness together. But Y/N needed to take a moment and just look at the wall, because it was one of the very first of his paintings she’d ever seen, and now she was about to see all of the other paintings he had refused to let her see. Taking a deep breath, she walked forward, took Portia’s hand, and the two walked into the dark hallway. Y/N felt her grip on Portia’s hand tighten for each step they took

“Why didn’t they just put some bloody lights in here?-“

But just as Portia said that, the exhibition was revealed to them. It was black. Dim white lights lit up the room on the walls and ceiling, illuminating the floating balls that were lined up down the room. Looking at the walls first, Y/N realised the light appeared as stars. Dotted along the walls and ceiling, lighting up the room and revealing the huge round objects that appeared to be floating, but was held from the ceiling and the floor by metal poles. The first one was completely dark, and as the two sisters walked on closer, Portia gasped a little.

“Y/N,”

“What?”

“How many planets are there in our Solar System?”

Y/N frowned, but as her eyes met Portia’s she understood immediately. Taking a step to the side, she looked down the room, seeing that there were quite a few others visiting the gallery as well. Harry was an immense painter, after all. Everyone knew who he was. However, Y/N couldn’t focus on the other people in the room with her, she started counting the different sized round objects that were nicely lined.

“Eight.” Y/N answered.

“And how many-“

“-Eight.”

Portia squeezed Y/N’s hand, eyes wide with some kind of realisation. The sisters looked at one another for a minute before Portia opened her mouth to speak again.

“Why the fuck has he done that, Y/N?”

Y/N shook her head. “Dunno.-“

“-You do.” Portia said. “That’s why that person back there looked at you all intense as well, wasn’t it? What happened last summer? You never spoke of it.”

Y/N sighed, closing her eyes. “Portia, it’s… it’s incredibly complicated and… and it’s a long story.”

Portia groaned, clinging to Y/N’s arm. “I don’t care, Y/N. I want to know. For fuck’s sake, look around you,”

Y/N opened her eyes, doing as her sister told her to.

“It’s so painfully obvious, Y/N.”

Y/N refused to believe it was. She didn’t want to believe that what Portia was insinuating was true, because it would mean the last few months had been for nothing. It would mean the countless hours she’d cried, the times she stopped herself from thinking about him, from yearning for him, from going back to a time spent with him and cursing herself for doing so; it was not worth it. Trying to forget him had meant nothing.

Portia tapped Y/N’s arm, catching her attention. She gestured at the painting they stood in front of, giving Y/N a little smile. Y/N looked at it, and she was immediately taken back to the exact moment of it.

There was a hole in the planet in the shape of the canvas, white light washing over it to reveal it completely to the gallery visitors. Portia opened the catalogue as Y/N studied the painting Harry had never let her view. His first painting of her.

“Miss Sweeney,” Harry said, pointing at the hill. “You-“

“-You can just call me Y/N.”

“You need to stand far away.”

Shocking. But there was no use making that comment. She took her cardigan off, putting it along with her purse in the backseat of the car.

“You will find a tree further down if you just walk straight ahead, it’s got a blue ribbon on it. Stop there with your back facing me. And don’t move until I tell you so.”

As she started walking down the hill, she could feel Harry watching her, studying her every move and every surface of her body. She supposed he wanted to make sure she found the ribbon, as well as to see what he was working with.

An abundance of colours surrounded her; green, grey, yellow, brown. She could barely make out the baby blue dress amongst the nature swallowing her, there was no way of knowing the colour of her hair, the proper colour of her skin, or any of her characteristics. The only thing that stood out was the colour of her dress, but even that wasn’t as prominent as she remembered the colour to be.

“Won’t that smear the paint everywhere?”

Harry looked at her, those two familiar lines appearing between his brows. “How?”

“Shouldn’t it be left to dry or something?”

“It’s dry.”

She frowned back at him. “Already?”

“I finished a while ago, left it to dry for around an hour.”

The memory made her smile some, regardless of how infuriated she remembered being. It was the fact that they had started out like that; polar opposites with absolutely nothing in common. Two people who couldn’t see eye to eye on anything. That fact was easy to note in the first painting, seeing the insignificant role she played in the actual painting. The Tuscan landscape could’ve done fine without her presence in it, she wasn’t even placed in the middle of the painting where nature parted to reveal Fosdinovo, but somewhere to the right of it, in the middle of the trees.

Portia tugged at Y/N’s sleeve, motioning for her to follow her to the next painting behind the first one. It was the same as the first one; a rectangle shaped hole in the dark planet, lights surrounding it to show it off. She smiled again.

“It’s beautiful here.”

“Do you see that rock over there?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes.”

“Sit there facing me.”

She knew there was no use saying anything back, so she simply walked over to the rock and sat down like he wanted her to. It wasn’t comfortable to sit on, and she didn’t think she’d be able to sit there for two hours straight. Then again if she decided she needed a break, the painter would undoubtedly show his annoyance in some way. He instructed her to straighten her legs, crossing them at the ankle, leaning back on her hands. He said he wanted her to “be looking directly into the sun.”

“That could literally ruin my eyes.”

“Art goes beyond comfort.”

“I want to be able to see said art.”

Y/N felt like she was transported right back to the moment of the painting, like she could feel, see, smell everything. Though she had known that would probably be the effect once she saw the collection, she hadn’t been aware it would be this intense. The notion Harry had painted these of her; that he had painted them before, during, and after everything happened between them, it struck her. He’d been working on these for so long; she had been a forced part of his life for so long. Maybe that was why they’d stopped talking. He’d gotten tired of her. Gotten enough of her.

The colour of her dress was the same as the previous painting; it stood out, but not in a contrasting way like you thought the colour of baby blue would when surrounded by woods. The white sunlight lit up most of her surroundings, making them blend well with the dress, but then again, she could recall quite clearly how bright the sun had been that day. Though she had hated the heat of the Italian weather in the beginning, towards the end she’d gotten kind of used to it. It was almost cold coming back home to a normal British summer.

Y/N groaned, positioning her head like he wanted her to. “Went to this baker Wednesday.” It just slipped out. She had genuinely not meant to say it, but now that she’d already mentioned it, she might as well go all the way.

Harry didn’t respond.

“Said you were known around town as the grumpy Brit.”

She didn’t see him stop painting, but she could tell he halted a little. “Who said that?”

Trying not to smile as she had somehow managed to capture his attention. “Does it matter?” Y/N didn’t know why people wanted to know what someone else thought of them. It was out of their control. Then again, she supposed, she’d brought it up so it was partly her fault he asked in the first place.

Harry huffed.

“What?”

“Hm?”

“What was the –“ Y/N imitated his exasperated huff.

“Whoever said that,” Harry said, bending down a bit and disappearing completely behind the canvas. “They’re a fucking knobhead.”

Y/N nodded her head, pursing her lips before she clicked her tongue loudly. Harry glanced up. “Great argument.”

It was weird how there had been a time prior to how she was feeling now. That at the time of this painting, she hadn’t been in love with Harry. The hands that had created this artwork hadn’t yet touched her; hadn’t yet loved her. She wanted to reach through the glass that separated the canvas from them; wanted to feel the paint and the memories that came with it.

But Portia was impatient, having already started walking around the planet to the next one. She looked down into the brochure, a furrow to her brows and concentration on her face as she read something on it before taking in the third painting. This was the one Y/N almost remembered best. This was the one that changed her and Harry’s relationship in a way neither of them was made aware of till after. You don’t realise the pivotal moments in your life till after they’ve happened, but as they’re happening, you don’t understand their incredible impact. Harry nor Y/N knew how big of a role Viola would play in their lives. What her presence would do to them.

“Is that a smile I see?” she teased. “You got a rise out of me, and now you’re pleased with yourself?”

He bit his bottom lip, shaking his head without looking away from the painting before him.

“Right then.” Y/N said, eager to get the conversation going again. “What’re you best at? There’s a lot of stuff you can do with gymnastics, innit?”

Harry wasted no time. “Swing bar.”

Y/N’s eyebrows immediately shot upward. Trying to be subtle, she let her eyes fall to his muscular arms, his broad shoulders and the curve of his slight biceps. The tan he’d gotten did wonders to the outline of his muscles. Stop, stop, stop-

“Explains the arms.”

Oh. My. God. Immediately she felt her cheeks heat up. And her blushing got worse when Harry looked up at her. He huffed.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’ve been checking me out.”

She rolled her eyes. “I have not.”

She walked closer, feeling her bottom lip start to wobble as she saw the painting. Harry had depicted the cliff, the ocean, the forest, the atmosphere of that clifftop perfectly. It was exactly as she remembered it. Just looking at it brought her back to finding Viola, to watching Harry pet her to calm her down, the closeness in the back of Gioele’s car. How willing Harry was to help. How good he’d smelled. How hot his skin had been against hers. That was the first time she’d ever seen him smile; first time she’d seen him happy. It was the first time she saw him show compassion; saw him worry. She hadn’t known then, but she knew for certain now, that if Viola hadn’t stepped out of the woods at that second on that day while Harry and Y/N hadn’t been talking, then none of this would’ve happened.

“What?” His voice was a whisper, the small word leaving his lips like a simple puff of air that hit her jaw, sending a storm of goosebumps up and down her back.

“Your…” she started, swallowing thickly before looking down at the cat in her arms. “Your moped.”

“I’ll get it later.”

She hated that he sounded like he wasn’t faced by the close proximity at all.

“What if someone steals your painting?”

Looking up at him, she realised once again how close they were. They might have been close earlier when he helped calm the cat down outside, but this… this was close. She felt his hot breath against her lips, in her nose; felt his eyes on her like there was nowhere else to look in the car; felt everything too much. He was… so handsome. So incredibly good looking. There was undoubtedly sweat along her hairline and cupid bow, but she literally could not reach up to remove it right now. She was unable to move, not only because of the cat, but because of Harry.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Y/N,” Portia said, pointing at the painting. “What’s that?”

Y/N walked over, looking at what Portia had asked her about. Though she didn’t see it at first, having mistaken it for a dark rock or something alike, Y/N gasped a little when she realised what it was. Small pointy ears, fur a dark brown with some striped black and desert brown and a tail swaying upward. The cat was so tiny, hidden amongst the tall grass by the forest, looking at Y/N with big pleading eyes. Y/N had almost forgotten what Viola looked like, but seeing her on the canvas, it was like being back in Fosdinovo, walking the cobblestoned streets with the little kitten following her every step.

“Viola.” Y/N answered, blinking a few times as her eyesight started to blur.

“What?”

“A cat.”

“A live one?”

“I, uhh,” Y/N nodded. “The day of that painting we found an injured cat in the woods and brought her to the nearest vet so I could help nurse her. She’d broken her foot.”

Portia looked at Y/N, raising her eyebrows. “And you called her Viola?”

“Yeah,” Y/N didn’t take her eyes off the cat. “She stayed with me the rest of the summer.”

Portia turned to face her sister. “Where is she now?”

“Dunno.” Y/N sighed. “I… dunno.”

Y/N looked at Portia, giving her a little smile before walking towards the next painting. Looking at Viola and knowing that she’d left the cat in Harry’s house in Fosdinovo, also knowing Harry had most likely moved out of the Italian mountain village, it hurt. She had no idea what happened to the cat after she left. Absolutely no idea of how she was doing or who was taking care of her now. There were many times when Y/N had cursed herself for not bringing Viola back home with her. After all, they had created a little bond between them that Y/N now realised would stay with her forever.

Walking up to the fourth painting, Y/N felt herself halt some, watching as Portia walked right up to it to study it properly. Y/N wasn’t sure if it was because Harry had taught her about how he painted during the summer, if she was getting an eye for these things, or if she was just that observant, but she could swear there was something about this one that set it apart from the other few she’d seen up till now.

It dawned on her that for each painting, her figure had gotten closer and closer to Harry. As if the focus shifted from the nature around her to her alone. From far away in the first one, to taking up the whole lower half of the canvas in this fourth one. Her figure was the first thing you saw. The baby blue dress that only barely covered her bum, her bare legs, her white knee socks, her white docs.

“Don’t bend your knee that much.”

Y/N readjusted her knee.

“No.”

“Then how?!”

The grass shifted behind her, and looking to her right, she noticed Harry walking over. For some reason, Harry getting closer got her heart beating so hard she heard it in her ears and her muscles tensing. He sat down before her, a concentrated furrow to his brows that wasn’t at all intimidating. He just looked focused, deep inside his own head, constructing and planning his new painting.

For some reason, she hadn’t thought of the reason for Harry coming over, only that he was. So when he reached for her leg, she almost jumped.

She blinked as she remembered the first time Harry touched her willingly like that. How he had barked orders at her in the beginning, to coming over and moving her leg like he’d done. It made her thigh seem very cold all of a sudden.

“You’re not being serious right now.” Portia hissed, sliding her finger in the air along with the outline of the mountains at the far back of the painting.

They were dark against the pink, orange, and blue sky, so was the forest, making Y/N stand out majestically against everything else. The hint of a small white outline in the sky showed the presence of the early moon, welcoming the oncoming night. Y/N couldn’t remember seeing the moon that afternoon, but then again, she didn’t remember much besides the fact that she laughed with Harry that day and he touched her bare thigh. But Portia had miraculously seen what had captured Y/N’s attention as well. The landscape in the painting, though it wasn’t blatantly obvious, it resembled her figure. It swayed where her hips did; dipped where her legs did. It did so in a natural manner, Harry had made them seem like actual mountains and not just a replica of her curves, but Y/N couldn’t see anything else.

“The blue,” Portia said, pointing at Y/N’s dress and then at the slight streak of blue in the sky. “Kinda looks alike, does it not?”

Y/N didn’t pay much attention to it. She started walking away, eager to see the next painting, which she knew was a very special one because it might be the one she remembered the most clearly. As she rounded the planet and started walking toward the fifth one, a huge white orb caught her attention. The detail in all of Harry’s creations caught her off guard, but the moon she was looking at right now looked so real it took her breath away. She saw herself standing in the water; saw the baby blue dress; the knee socks and her Dr Marten’s in the sand. It all looked like a photograph, only the moon was abnormally big. But all his paintings looked so real it was almost like if you stripped the display of the glass protection, you could walk right into the world he’d created on the canvas and live there forever.

“What about you?” he asked again, voice low like a mumble.

Y/N hoped he couldn’t tell how fast her heart was hammering, how every nerve in her entire body was on high alert, how every cell was screaming for him to get closer. “What about me?”

“You’re never as alone as your head makes you believe. The moon is always there.” He said, eyes searching her face. “What about you?”

“Will I always be there?”

He just looked at her, clearly thinking that his look was answer enough.

Her breath hitched somewhere in her throat, and she hoped the rush of emotions that was running through her didn’t show on her face. Portia looked at her with an open mouth before taking in the fifth painting. Y/N knew exactly how her sister was feeling; that overwhelming need to ask herself and everyone else in the room if this was an actual painting, or something from someone’s most desired fantasy captured exactly as it was and printed onto canvas. And maybe it was. But Harry had taken days, weeks, months to finish these paintings, Y/N knew. She remembered those times when she’d watch him paint and he’d refuse to let her see them. She didn’t know why he didn’t want her to see them.

It was so beautiful it was hard to believe someone had made it; it just seemed too celestial for it to be real. She wanted to touch it where Harry had touched it, feel the strokes he’d made, the lines of paint. There was something about this one that sent a shock of pain through her heart no medicine could cure.

“I’d stay up only to get a small glimpse of you.”

She balled her hands into fists, digging her fingernails into her skin to hold herself back from crying. Because all she could remember was how fast Harry had kissed her back when she’d kissed him, the feeling of his lips against hers, and the taste of peach tea on his tongue. His hands roaming her body, gripping onto her thighs as she hooked her legs around his waist. His body against hers, their cells mingling, the moon shining her white light down on them, and the ocean swaying around them.

Portia walked around the planet and onto the next one, and giving the moon one last glance, Y/N followed her. Y/N couldn’t even remember this one. Maybe it was because everything that happened after the wedding blurred together, or maybe she’d just not thought about it enough for it to take up space in her head. But as she got closer, the idea of her being a model for this painting seemed unlikely.

The canvas was black as night, a huge moon in the centre of it like the one before. A figure was floating in the middle of the white moon, a baby blue gown clinging to its form and floating up behind them like they were sinking. As she got closer, Y/N saw that this wasn’t her. All the other paintings were of her, but this one wasn’t. This was Harry.

His arms were floating at an almost 90-degree angle, the baby blue gown hovering behind his arms and torso, just barely covering some of his thighs and crotch. One of his knees was bent a bit more than the other, and the tattoos he had up and down his muscular legs were very visible, making Y/N think back to a time she’d been allowed to touch them. His neck was craned backward, eyes closed and mouth parted ever so slightly, bubbles of air leaving him and making a hasty return for the water’s surface. She remembered his fright of the dark, how much he hated the ocean, but his facial expression showed one of peace. He didn’t seem afraid; didn’t seem like he dreaded any of it. It seemed like he was okay; ready to reach tranquillity and the ultimate meaning to life. He was surrendering himself, it seemed.

“Y/N, I swear to you,” Portia said, pointing at different places on the painting. “Look.”

“At what?”

“You mean you don’t see it?”

“See what, Portia?” Y/N knew she must sound irritated, but with everything going on and all the emotions she was feeling at once, she simply could not hold her anger back.

“The painting,” Portia directed Y/N’s attention back to the canvas. “Do you see?”

Y/N took a closer look.

“Do you see all the blue?”

And it was like her little sister flicked a switch, and suddenly, Y/N saw it. Blue. Baby blue. It was hidden in the waves along the top of the painting, in the shadows of the water, in and around the moon, in his hair, his body, his gown. Taking a few steps back, Y/N wondered how she hadn’t picked up on the blue right away. It was all over the painting. Most of the details on that canvas were baby blue.

Quickly, Y/N walked all the way back to the first painting. Portia just watched her, unsure what was going on, but not wanting to interrupt something if Y/N had come to some sort of realisation.

The only blue in the first one was her dress, in the second one, the sky resembled her dress some. In the third, the sky, ocean, and a bit of the grass surrounding her held the same colour as her and her dress, and in the fourth the landscape swayed along with her form, the sky, the woods, and certain highlights were the exact colour of the dress. How hadn’t she seen it all the first time around? Because once she took a few steps back, the baby blue stood out starkly against everything else. Marching straight past the fifth and the sixth, Y/N wanted to see the last two. Because the second to last put the finishing touch on everything.

The entire canvas was baby blue. Her form was outlined in white, but none of her features were shown. Her breasts, face, or any other part of her body was not included. But Y/N would remember that exact pose till the day she died and long after that also. Because it was the one where Harry had drawn on her; her arms above her head, her knee bent, leg resting over the other. She wondered if this had been the one he’d painted when she laid on the floor of his loft, but why had he been so incredibly detailed when he painted on her if he was just going to erase it forever? Not include it in one of his masterpieces? It didn’t make any sense.

“You let him draw you like one of his bloody French girls.” Portia hissed, about to burst out laughing when she stopped herself. The room was silent as people walked through the exhibition, neither of them wanted to be thrown out or something to that effect.

Y/N looked at her sister. “Yes.”

Portia’s eyes got wide. “Shut the fuck up.”

“He painted on me.”

“Shut. Up.”

Y/N glanced at the painting again, noting that the only thing on that canvas was the very careful outline of her.

“Exactly how well did you fuck him for him to do that?”

“Portia!” Y/N hissed. “Leave off.”

“I’m serious, Y/N, this seems like the summer of your entire life.” Portia smiled, raising her eyebrows suggestively. “Did he do you good at least?”

Y/N only gave her a look.

“Oh, come on.” Portia pouted. “I just found out my sister has been shagging with my boss all summer, I want the deets.”

“Can that happen another time? I’m a little busy-“ Y/N gestured around her and Portia nodded, clearly eager to be done here so she could hear Y/N explain everything to her over the phone on her commute home.

“You know,” Portia started, holding up the leaflet. “If you’d just bothered and taken the time to look in the brochure, there’s a lot of information about all the paintings.”

Y/N frowned.

“I kind of had my suspicions about the two of you before you even said something just now.”

Y/N looked down at her brochure, reading the front of it again as she walked toward the last painting. She wanted to go through everything one more time and read the leaflet, she needed to know all the details and all the reasons why Harry had done what he’d done. When she glanced up again, the first thing she noticed was how the planet surrounding the canvas was glowing. A dark golden colour, looking a little like the moon, but as if it was on fire on the inside, the surface of it pure gold. She turned around and looked down the row of planets, meeting Portia’s eyes right after.

“The first one is black,” Portia said. “And the last one is golden.”

Y/N felt her heart hammering faster, felt herself begin to sweat.

“With each planet, you slowly fade into-“

“-Venus.” She finished, looking at the last planet she’d been named after. Y/N Venus Sweeney. She was so overwhelmed she felt a little faint, though she hadn’t known what to expect from the exhibition, this – all of it – was not it. She didn’t want to draw conclusions and think this whole collection was about her, but right now, looking at everything around her, it was hard to think anything else.

She still had one more painting to go, so she grabbed the leaflet and walked to stand in front of it. Instantly, she remembered it. She’d seen this one before. It seemed like ages ago, but she had seen this painting. It was the same one Gioele had stolen from Harry’s house and given to Salvatore and Carina as a wedding gift. Y/N had no idea why that one would be in the collection, what had made Harry put it there. She was just about to open the brochure and read what it said about this particular one when she heard a commotion behind her. The screeching of joggers against the floor as if someone was running, some gasps, Jamie shouting something.

Y/N turned around, and she recognised him right away. Her heart immediately started screaming his name. He walked down the row of planets in a haste, frantically scanning the crowds surrounding each quickly till he came to the last one where she stood. He stopped abruptly as his eyes landed on hers, a sigh of relief leaving him in between pants for air. Had he been running? Quickly, he swallowed, trying to regain his composure before he did anything. While he did that, Y/N took him in.

His hair had grown, he must’ve trimmed it some since last summer, but his curls were lush, his hair thick, and just as brown as she remembered it. He was wearing a colour-block patchwork cardigan with all the colours of the rainbow, a white tee shirt with some blue artwork printed on it, washed denim jeans, and his signature pink Converse. He looked healthy, maybe not as tan as she remembered him to be, but he looked good. He looked like the same Harry she had fallen in love with back then; it was still him. He was here. Right before her. After months apart, he was here.

“Y/N.” He said, voice faint as he took a reluctant step forward. It was like he realised what he was doing – getting closer to her when he had no idea if she still wanted that - and was almost about to take a step backward again but stopped himself.

She was unable to say anything at all. One second she had been about to take in the last painting of the collection, and the next Harry had rushed into his gallery and now he stood right in front of her. It didn’t seem real. The months they hadn’t talked, the months they hadn’t seen each other. They all hung in the air between them, pushed them apart from one another; demanding them to keep separated. She wanted to defy their distance, wanted to fling herself into his arms and melt into him like she had done so many times before, but the uncertainty, the separation, and the many curious eyes watching them stopped her.

Harry was about to say something else when his eyes fell on something behind her, clamping his mouth shut.

“Hi,” Portia said. “Don’t know if you remember me.”

“I-I do, I…” Harry’s eyes fell to Y/N again as he trailed off, glancing back at Portia after clearing his throat. “Portia.”

“And you’re H. Styles.” Y/N could hear the smile in Portia’s voice, and Y/N knew instantly she was taking the piss, telling Harry she knew exactly who he was and why he was here. Whispers were heard, as if the visitors all suddenly realised who they were looking at. Someone gasped and someone on the other side of the room started walking closer. Harry looked around him as if he just understood what he’d done by coming here. Their eyes met again, and Harry let out a sigh.

“Can we talk?” he asked, eyes big and pleading. “Please.”

Y/N looked at everyone around them, then back at Harry, hoping he’d understand that she didn’t want to do it in front of everyone else. Taking a few steps backward, Harry began walking towards the exit of the exhibition, making sure Y/N caught up with him before he started walking normally. Y/N glanced at Portia over her shoulder, but Portia was grinning so widely Y/N knew her sister was okay with her leaving her behind for a bit.

The next room they entered was just as dark as the first one, but the paintings were huge projections onto the walls, ceiling, and floor, showcasing all the details each of them portrayed. Harry walked quickly through the room, having seen this multiple times before – having created this -, but Y/N slowed. The attention to detail was incredible; it looked so real, yet it still looked like art. She was never able to really put her finger on it, but then again, she supposed that was what creativity was. The lines between what was certain and what was a craft from someone’s imagination, blurred to the point of doubt, yet it’s human nature to find an explanation for everything; but in art we find an excuse not to have one. Maybe that was what drew people to it; it was real, but not real enough to need reason.

He held the door open for her, leading her to a smoking area in the back of the gallery. Two trees rose up, some dead grass sprung up between the stone flooring, and, thankfully, no one was there. The sun was still shining, and somewhere not too far off, an ambulance siren was going off. It was weird to be with Harry in an environment other than quiet, warm, rural Fosdinovo, it was almost as if she associated him with the peace of the Italian countryside now. But she didn’t mind having him here in London. Not in the least. In fact, she liked it very much.

“Y/N,” he repeated, almost as if he didn’t really know what else to say; almost as if he had to repeat her name over and over and over again to tell himself that she was really here. He just looked at her, studying her intently, probably to make sure she was okay.

“I didn’t know…” she started, blinking a few times. “Didn’t know you were in London.”

“I’m in London.”

“But I didn’t know you were.”

“But I am.”

“You didn’t tell me.”

Harry sighed. “No.”

“Why?”

Harry opened his mouth but hesitated. “I… I just… It’s not as if I…” he ran a hand through his hair, sighing again. “I didn’t know if you wanted me to.”

She frowned. “What made you think that?”

“We haven’t talked in a couple of months, have we? Maybe you’d forgotten about me.”

“You think I’d forgotten about you?” Y/N crossed her arms. “I’m not the one who got disinterested and pulled away.”

Harry’s face screwed up into that familiar scowl she had seen so many times before. “I never bloody lost interest, what’re you on about?”

“Seemed that way over text.”

“Those are text messages!” Harry gestured with his arms, very obviously frustrated. “How much can you tell from a text?!”

“A lot!”

Harry groaned. “Y/N, please.”

She stood her ground, looking at him and waiting for him to say something that would change her mind. How had they gone months without talking, months before that with barely any communication, and he didn’t think she’d be annoyed at him for that. She was annoyed at herself, too. It takes two to communicate.

“I don’t want to fight.” He said. “I… I just… I don’t want to fight. Can we just talk?”

“We’re talking.”

Harry’s eyes fell to the ground, nodding a bit before he dared look up at her. “What’ve you been up to?”

Though she wanted to yell at him, tell him that she’d been busy writing and researching her dissertation, that she had been busy missing him, she composed herself. She might be frustrated, but Harry was trying, so she should as well.

“Uni,” she simply said. “And you?”

Harry let out a short breath through his nose. “Figured, stupid question, really.”

She couldn’t help the slight tug at the edge of her lips.

“Been travelling the world, showing off the exhibition.” He gestured back at the gallery. “It’s been wonderful, but I’m glad it’s over now. Can relax for a bit before I start painting for clients again.”

“It’s quite the exhibit.”

Harry nodded.

“Almost a little too extra.”

He let out a chuckle, eyes falling to the ground again. “You think?”

“Wasn’t it hard travelling around with all of that?” Y/N asked, thinking about the huge planets – or rather Venuses – back in the exhibition. Seemed unlikely that they travelled far distances with all of that, but then again, what did she know, she hadn’t talked to him in a long while. And when they did talk, it wasn’t about the transportation of his collection from country to country because he never talked about it.

“No, we drove around most of the time, then by plane when it got to travelling from continent to continent.”

She nodded. “Fair enough.”

His eyes flicked between hers, inhaling slowly. The sun hit the top of his hair, making his locks shine like gold, and Y/N remembered the countless number of times before she’d seen his hair like that in the early morning light, or a bright sunset. Memories are supposed to bring you joy, especially those remembered with fondness, but those are also the ones that hurt the most to relive.

“Are we really gonna chat about anything but what we want to chat about?” Harry asked, face very serious all of a sudden.

“Which is?”

“Us.” Harry said, something in his throat making the word almost sound choked. “And… and…”

She waited, feeling her heart beat harder in her chest.

“And us some more.”

She let out a small chuckle.

“What?”

“Start then.”

She could tell he wanted to frown at her, as if he wanted her to have a certain reaction. But he didn’t, instead he let his shoulders fall a bit, taking her in for a few moments more before he decided to start talking again.

“I thought you’d forgotten about me.”

It hurt every time he said that, as if he didn’t believe that what she’d felt this summer wasn’t half of what he had.

“Tortured me to think about you.”

She took a little step backward, not wanting to listen to him talk on about how she’d hurt him.

“But the thought of you also brought me peace, as it always has. Brought me inspiration and motivation.” He took a step closer to her. “I miss you. I’ve missed you since the day I was brought into this world, I never knew I did till I was without you.”

Those three words radiated throughout her entire body, her heart screaming them right back at his. I miss you I miss you I miss you I-

“Please don’t…” he trailed off, balling his hands into fists as if he was mad at himself for not finding the right words for what he was feeling. “Don’t leave.”

She swallowed, not wanting the hundreds of butterflies and warm feelings in her chest to get the better of her when she answered. “Don’t leave… now? In general?-“

“-Don’t leave me. If not as a lover, as a friend. I need you in my life to some capacity.”

“Harry-“

“-I’m in love with you, Y/N.” His voice was so soft, yet urgent. He needed her to feel the same way, to understand what he was talking about. “I love you.”

Every cell in her body vibrated with the effect of those words, telling Harry she felt the same. In every way one person could love another, she loved him.

“If you even feel a fragment the same, please tell me.” His eyes were so big, pleading with her.

She felt so much all at once, finding the right words – finding words at all – was difficult. Every single part of her tried, her brain working hard and fast so she wouldn’t leave him hanging. But that was exactly what she did. So overwhelmed with absolutely everything today had brought, she couldn’t do anything but feel.

Harry’s jaw visibly tensed with the lack of response. “Or don’t.”

She opened her mouth, brain working a hundred miles a second to find words for him.

“If you don’t, then that’s fine. I won’t pretend it’s not gonna hurt and I’ll need some time to come to terms with it.” He sighed, eyes falling to the ground as if he couldn’t look at her now. “I… I was terrified this would happen.”

She couldn’t just stay fucking silent, she had to say something. Speak you bloody nonce, don’t do him like this. “Harry-“

“-What I’ve been most scared about since we stopped talking is that I played an insignificant role in your life, when you played the most significant in mine.” His eyes were still on the flooring, gripping the ends of his colourful cardigan. “A part you won’t talk about with others, that you keep a secret.”

“I’m not ashamed of this summer, Harry-“

“-I feared you’d never need me like I need you.” He said, voice thick with something resembling torment. “Because I just… I know we have no power over who we end up loving, you meet someone and before you know it, they’re so important to you that imagining a life without them in it is like staring uninspired at a blank canvas. But I’ve chosen to pour every ounce of my love onto you. I’ve chosen you, and I’ll continue to choose you without hesitation and without fail, for the rest of my life.”

She felt her eyes sting, fearing that she’d start crying if he continued on talking. Why was it that before their first kiss, Harry hadn’t been one for talking, but after it he hadn’t dithered? Everything he’d told her since had been so heartfelt and true, she felt like he was putting words to her very own feelings.

The right words wouldn’t come, and she felt like the longer she left him standing there in silence, the longer she let him ramble on, the more catastrophic this would get. Because she felt the same for him, but what she felt was so enormous and she was afraid she’d never find words for it. She wasn’t one for art or expression. She studied science and medicine and animals, she knew all that, but she didn’t know how to tell someone like Harry what he wanted to hear. Most of the time, at least before, he didn’t need her to say anything. Her presence, her touch, her comfort was enough for him. He never expected anything else from her but to reciprocate his feelings. Which she did. Oh, did she love him. More than she thought possible.

“I-“ she started, but cut herself off as she didn’t know where it was going. Harry looked up at her instantly, instant hope in his eyes. “Your exhibit.”

Not the appropriate thing to be talking about right now, she thought to herself, but better than nothing.

“Could you explain it to me?”

He blinked. “Explain it?”

“Yes,” she said, feeling every surface of her body heat up. “Because I knew you were painting me, but I didn’t…”

His eyes lingered on her lips for a second, but he quickly composed himself, a slight redness appearing along his cheekbones. A wave of goosebumps ran up her spine.

“I didn’t expect…”

“Didn’t expect the whole exhibition to be about you?”

She just looked at him, biting her bottom lip.

Harry let out an amused chuckle. “You’re the smartest person I know, thought you might get it right away, to be completely honest with you.”

“It took me off guard.”

“Right, should I walk you through it, then?” Harry gestured at the gallery. “Want to see it?”

She sensed irritation in his voice and sighed. “You don’t have-“

“-Don’t fucking say I don’t have to. You asked about the exhibit. You don’t understand, even though I just made it very clear for you. So, let's.”

He walked toward the door, flinging it open and beckoning for Y/N to walk through it first. Walking first, he stomped straight through the entire exhibition, right past people who were leaving. They all looked over at Y/N and Harry as they walked the opposite way, a few raised eyebrows and some whispering. Portia still stood in the first room with the eight planets, looking up as Y/N and Harry came back. A smile first graced her features, but seeing the look on Harry’s face and how fast they were both walking, she quickly pieced together that something was happening.

“This,” Harry said as they reached the reception, pointing at the wall with the projection of that painting Y/N had found in the flat in Fosdinovo. The drive to his childhood home in Manchester. “You recognise this?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

She gave him a look to tell him she didn’t appreciate his tone. He didn’t seem to care.

“Told you the path leads to uncertainty, hence the darkness at the end of it. I didn’t know where my life would lead me and I was terrified. Now,” he pointed to the dark corridor. “What does that lead to?”

Y/N blinked a few times, looking up at Harry when he didn’t continue talking. But he was already glancing down at her, raised eyebrows and a stoic look on his face. Though she was tempted to tell him to shove it if he was going to keep that attitude up, she didn’t. She needed to tell him how she felt, that he wasn’t alone in wanting more. She needed to find the right words. But right now, knowing Harry, he’d just get furious with her if she told him now that he was putting the effort in and showing her what everything meant.

“The paintings.”

“It leads to the exhibition.”

“That’s the same thing.”

Harry didn’t respond, he just walked towards the corridor without looking back. Y/N felt her anger bubble up, but she tried to control it as she followed him to the first room of the exhibition.

“Hope you know what the solar system is.” Harry shouted back to her.

She dug her nails into the palm of her hands, gritting her teeth from responding. Portia was standing at the other side of the room, watching them with wide eyes. Everyone else had left, she realised. The gallery was closing, and Harry’s exhibition needed to be taken down so the next one could be put up. This was his very last day showing his collection. Y/N gave her a look to keep quiet, the last thing Harry needed now was Portia intervening.

“Our solar system’s got eight planets-“

“-I bloody know how many planets there are in our solar system-“

“-But to me and my life,” Harry walked to the side of the room, pointing down at the last planet. The full Venus. Her plant. “In my universe, there’s only one.”

She didn’t know what to say to that.

“They each fade more and more into Venus. Notice how the first one’s black.”

“Like the end of the painting I found in Fosdinovo.”

Harry’s arm fell to his side, having proven his point on why he’d chosen space to be the theme for his exhibition. He walked on over to the first painting; straight past Y/N, jaw still tense and the look in his eyes enraged. She realised this was torturing him. Going through everything without knowing how she felt, and probably fearing – and believing – the worst. She had to say something.

“This one,” he pointed. “We can barely see you. You were a fucking pain in my arse.”

“Hey!”

“There’s only one dot of baby blue, you’re far away from where I’m standing.”

“If you don’t-“

“-Next one,” he walked onto the second one without Y/N even having reached him and the first painting. “You’re closer to me, still not very close, still not a lot of blue. Only some in the sky. Didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Harry, slow down-“

“-Third,” it seemed he was on a mission, wanting this to be over with as quickly as possible. “You’re close. You can see baby blue in the sky, ocean, your dress, some in the grass. Still not doing it on purpose.”

She jogged over to the fourth as he did, really wanting to take a grip of his arm and tell him to calm down. But she had no right. Not now. But she was still getting annoyed with him.

“Fourth is when I start doing it deliberately. Realised I caught feelings for you, and you can see that in the landscape, how it follows the outline of your body.” Harry pointed just as the lights inside the planets went out. “There’s baby blue in quite literally everything.”

The lack of lights to showcase the paintings didn’t stop him, Harry walked on. She ran after him, about to tell him to slow down again when he walked right past the beach painting with the huge moon.

“The night you changed the moon for me forever. Now I do as you said you do; I talk to her. Every night.”

Y/N felt her heart ache. She wondered, if they were both talking to the moon at the same time, if they were talking about one another, why didn’t the moon whisper Harry’s words into her ear and hers into his? Why didn’t she help them?

“You’re further away in that one ‘cause I realised I’d have to let you go at the end of the summer, didn’t want to get too attached.” A dry laugh slipped past his lips. “Look how well that worked out.”

They stopped in front of the second moon painting, where he was floating in what looked to be the middle of a huge and dark ocean.

“You once told me the moon knows all your deepest secrets and biggest desires,” Harry pointed at himself in the painting. “Here’s me surrendering myself to her.”

“Why’re you in the ocean?”

Harry chuckled, running both hands over his face as if he couldn’t believe her.

“What?”

He looked at her for a few seconds while clenching his jaw. “I used to be terrified of the dark and the ocean. You taught me monsters won’t magically appear just ‘cause you can’t see. They’re just as likely to show themselves in sunlight.” He glanced at the painting again, blinking a few too-many times as he looked away from her. “If you take your time to understand and truly look at this painting, you’ll understand it.”

She was about to open her mouth when Harry said, “And don’t use your ‘I only know science, I barely know how to interpret art’ rubbish.”

“Well, it’s true.” She mumbled, but Harry only clicked his tongue, disinterested in her insistence on not understanding art. He walked on to the next one, the one that was completely baby blue, where her body was carefully outlined in white.

“Here you can clearly tell-“

“-I have a question,” Y/N said, making Harry shut up. “That painting of me… the one where I’m… Where’s that one? I mean…”

Harry stared at her for a few seconds, waiting for her to continue, but when she never did, he mumbled another question right back at her, “You think I’d put a painting of your naked body on display in my exhibition?”

She just looked at him, seeing something in his eyes that was vaguely familiar but too far away to fully grasp.

“I’m keeping that one-“ he stopped himself, swallowing hard. “It’s private.”

She nodded.

“Anyway,” Harry went back to the painting before them. “You represent baby blue to me, so here’s your colour – you -,” he paused for a second. “Becoming everything.”

She looked at him, feeling everything within her wither and bloom at the same time. The painting seemed to take him back to a time long ago, every urge he had to do this as quickly as possible seemed to leave him when he looked at that painting. They still had one left, but he forgot about that, losing himself in a memory. And Y/N lost herself in him. Suddenly, proper lights lit up the room and the stars that had illuminated everything prior, disappeared.

“Harry!”

Harry didn’t meet Y/N’s eyes as he stepped away from the row of planets, looking up at Jamie how had shouted his name.

“Closing time. We need to pack up, mate.”

Harry nodded, looking over at Y/N who suddenly felt her heart pick up speed.

Jamie clapped their hands together. “Come on, you lot, you need to leave.”

For a few moments, it was like the two of them moved in slow motion. Harry took a few steps so he could face the other way, ready to leave through the backdoor, not breaking eye contact with Y/N. Once they looked away from one another, the rest of the world would resume being and they had to leave. Y/N had to say something, she had to tell him. But everything was clogged up somewhere in her throat, she wasn’t able to say anything. This whole exhibit… it was about her. Harry had cared so much about her and he still did. But she couldn’t find the right words. She had to say something. Had to let him know she felt the same way.

Harry’s jaw clenched again before he looked away from Y/N and started walking back down the way he’d taken Y/N before. Everything inside her went into panic mode.

“Harry.” She said, but he didn’t turn around. She started jogging after him. “Harry.”

“Y/N-“

“-Just a sec, Portia!” Y/N continued to follow Harry through the now lit exhibit. “Harry!”

He didn’t turn around still.

“Harry, please.” She took a grip of his arm.

Harry stopped, dragging his arm out of her grip. “Y/N, stop.”

The force of his words took her off guard and it took her a few seconds to compose herself. “I’m sorry.”

Harry nodded, looking behind Y/N at the closing exit door. “What?”

“I… I need to tell you that…” she swallowed, feeling her palms get clammy. “You said earlier that…”

Harry looked at her expectantly, something in the frantic way his eyes moved over her face and the quick breath he took made her think he detected reciprocation in her voice. “Yes?”

Her mouth opened, but no words came out. Her heart was beating hard and fast, she was beginning to sweat.

“What, Y/N?”

“I can’t, I-“ She ran both hands over her face, frustrated with herself. She groaned.

“What?”

“I know how I’m feeling, but I don’t know how to say it.”

Harry took a small step towards her. “Say what?”

“How I feel for you.”

He let out a small breath. “And how’s that?”

“Just how you feel about me.”

There was a single second when Harry’s eyes were filled with elation; like he was ready to embrace her, kiss her, and never let her go. Wanted to become one with her right then and there, to never leave her side again. A ghost of a smile grace his features and his shoulders lowered; his entire composure seemed to relax. As if all the anger he’d been carrying around with him in the gallery disappeared. But the next second, realisation sunk in and he glanced away for a second.

“Need to hear you say it.” He said, voice weak. “Know you say you’re not one for words, but there are moments in life when words are everything.”

Y/N felt a drop of sweat run down her back. Her head was spinning.

“I deserve to hear you say it yourself.” Harry said.

“I know! That’s why I’m trying so hard to say something!”

Harry nodded, eyes falling to the floor. “You’re not ready.”

Y/N frowned, sure her panic showed on her face. “I am ready. That’s why I followed you out here, isn’t it?”

“No, Y/N, you’re clearly not. You might feel it, but being vulnerable is hard for you. Admitting to being vulnerable isn’t something you know how to do.”

Y/N’s mouth fell open.

“Your whole life you’ve put up this cold and hard exterior to protect yourself from feeling too much. You’ve had a hard time receiving the love you needed while growing up, and you’ve been burned in the past-“

“-Don’t psychoanalyse me.” She pointed a finger at him. “You know I have a hard time opening up to people completely.”

“You have a hard time admitting to letting your guard down. You do it willingly, but there’s a part of you that just doesn’t want to admit it.”

“I said don’t psycho-“

“-I know, I’m sorry.” Harry took a few steps back, as if getting ready to walk away from her. “I’ll wait.”

She blinked. “For what?”

“You.”

“Me?”

Harry nodded, just about to turn around and leave when she called his name again.

“You just begged me to tell you I felt the same way, and I did.” Y/N said, taking a few steps toward him, but stopping herself. “I told you.”

“That you felt like I did.”

“Exactly.”

Harry let out a small chuckle and though it sent a swarm of butterflies straight to Y/N’s stomach, it also hurt because she knew the next few words would send her into a panic. “And thank you for that, but I told you how I felt. Now you need to tell me. Physical show of affection is nice, but proper verbal confirmation that someone loves you…” he trailed off, looking at her in silence for some seconds. “It’s key.”

“Harry-“

“-I love you.”

She fell silent, taken off guard. But the words warmed her so that she was sure she’d never freeze again. He started walking away.

“I’ll wait, you need to figure this out on your own. I know,” smiling he continued, “Now I need you to comprehend.”

Mouth falling open as she tried to force herself to say something, she cursed herself over and over again for having built up that humongous wall around her. Being vulnerable was like admitting that you were weak, and she knew those two weren’t the same thing at all, but she’d associated them with one another her whole life. She needed to stop.

“I’ll wait for you.”

And just like that, Harry left her this time. She was tempted to run after him again, but to what purpose? To have him tell her yet again that he needed her to tell him she loved him when she couldn’t bring herself to? To hurt him again? No, she was going to deal with her struggles to admit vulnerability herself. He deserved to hear her say everything he’d just told her and much more. And hopefully Harry would still love her the way he did now by that time. How terrified she already was that he didn’t.

But if that was the case, at least she’d have taught herself the importance of vulnerability.

Thursday, 10 September 2020

“Smile, baby.” Elaine brought her phone up, snapping a picture of Y/N with her diploma in hand, standing in front of her University.

It was a nice day; the sun was shining through a thin layer of clouds and the temperature was high, but not so high that Y/N was struggling to breathe. All her course mates were milling around behind, beside, and around her, saying their last goodbyes before everyone was to part ways after this. It had been bittersweet saying goodbye to her mates. She knew she was going to see them again and knew she would be happier now that she didn’t have to care about uni, but it would be sad not seeing them and not knowing when she would meet them next. Though she hadn’t really been close with any of them, she still counted them as her friends and would miss their time together.

Portia stood beside Elaine and gave Y/N a little applause, grinning from ear to ear as her sister walked over to them again. “Look at you, all smart.”

“Yes,” Y/N said, doing a little dance with her diploma. “I’d like to think I am.”

“Look,” Elaine begged Y/N over so she could look at the pictures she’d taken of her. “You look lovely, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, the lighting’s amazing.”

“So peng.” Portia said, zooming in on Y/N’s face.

Y/N playfully hit Portia in the head with her diploma, making the two sisters chuckle before they turned back to their mother. Elaine smiled at Y/N, there was a look in her eyes Y/N wasn’t accustomed to seeing on her mother’s face when looking at her. It was something she often directed at Portia, but Y/N rarely got this. Pride. It almost made Y/N’s eyes sting with oncoming tears.

“Come on, girls,” Elaine said, taking each of her daughters’ hands. “We need to celebrate. What’s a good pub around yours, Y/N?”

“Hmm,” Y/N thought for a few seconds. “There’s a Gregg’s two minutes away.”

“Sausage rolls!” Portia exclaimed.

“We’re not celebrating you getting a degree at bloody Gregg’s, are you dim?” Elaine huffed, unlocking the car once they reached it. “We need to get a pint each, and a fancy dinner later.”

“Reckon we could afford a fancy dinner in London, Mum?” Y/N sat down in the car, putting her seatbelt on as Elaine started the car. “I’m skint.”

“Well, you’re not the one paying for the dinner, are you?” Elaine raised her eyebrows at her, driving away towards Y/N’s flat in Hackney. Portia reached into the backseat where Y/N sat, squeezing her knee before she sat back and focused on the city they were driving in. Y/N leaned forward and squeezed Portia’s shoulder.

“Thank you for coming, P. Know you have a lot going on at the moment, but it meant a lot to me that you bothered to come.”

Porta looked over her shoulder at Y/N, studying her sister for a second before she smiled. “Might be busy, but it’s your graduation. It’s important to me.”

Y/N felt her cheeks heat up a bit, something they always did when she managed to discuss her feelings. “Thank you anyway.”

“You’re very welcome.” Portia’s smile widened, and she grabbed Y/N’s hand, kissing it before turning to look ahead again.

Y/N smiled herself, sitting back in her seat and looking out the window.

She’d never really gotten attached to London. Maybe it was because she didn’t really have anyone she was close to, or the constant fast-paced lifestyle you had to lead to live there. Y/N had always preferred a slow life, like the one she had grown up knowing in Maldon. Essex was calm, it was what she’d known her whole life and what she wanted to know forever. Regardless of where she wanted to live and where she felt she belonged; she’d gotten a job at North London Veterinary Clinic so she didn’t really have much of a choice in where she could settle down for a little while. North London wasn’t as busy as Central, so she wouldn’t be as overwhelmed as she usually was. She’d have to move and though the thought stressed her out, she was ready for a little change. It would be good for her.

“Do you remember that guy I was chatting to for a little while?” Portia suddenly asked, snapping Y/N out of her reverie.

“Drake?”

“No.”

“That Felix lad?”

“Not him.”

“Ezra?”

Portia shook her head.

“Jackson-“

“-Oh, for fuck’s sake, Y/N,” Portia turned around in her seat. “Do you have to rub it in?”

“That you date a lot of men? I don’t have to do that; you know it perfectly well yourself.”

Portia rolled her eyes. “Azeem.”

“Ahh! Azeem!” Y/N nodded her head, giving her little sister a smile. “Remember you talked about him, yes. Ages ago, though.”

Portia seemed to think back to the time she was talking to Azeem, getting lost in her own thoughts for a few short seconds before she blurted out, “Anyway, I met him on a night out like two days ago.”

“You did? What’d he say?”

“Just that it was nice to see me again.” Portia said. “Told me I looked good. And then he walked me home.”

In an attempt to come to terms with how she was feeling and letting other people know, it had been one of the first things Y/N had done. She sat Portia down when she came back to London, told her she loved the fact her sister came down and that they got to spend time together because it brought them closer – and she wanted to be close to her sister since they’d struggled being just that growing up -, but Portia needed her own place. If she was going to spend that much time in the capital, she might as well move there permanently. Elaine had struggled to come to terms with the fact that her youngest daughter would be moving out, especially considering how much time and resources she’d put into Portia and her career. But both the sisters had convinced their mother that this was what Portia needed to do. She needed to become independent. And besides, Portia wouldn’t be alone in London, Y/N lived there as well.

“And…?” Y/N urged, raising her eyebrows to show she was eager to know what happened next.

“He asked me out on a date.”

“He did?!” Y/N grinned. “Why did you stop seeing each other in the first place?”

Portia sighed. “It was hard to not see him very often, we lived far away from one another, and all that. But now that I live in London, maybe it’ll work out.”

“Is he a decent bloke, Y/N?” Elaine looked in the driving mirror back at Y/N. “I won’t take Portia’s word for it. You know she’s blinded by a good shag when she’s got one.”

“Mum!” Portia exclaimed. “Don’t say that! You’re not allowed to say that!”

“Say what? What you always tell me? You talk about lads and your sex life constantly.”

“I do not! Oh, my God!”

Y/N laughed, zoning out as her little sister and mother started arguing in the front. They soon reached Hackney and Y/N’s flat building. It felt weird knowing that Thursday next week, she’d be moving out of this flat and into a new one. Though Hackney wasn’t the nicest place to be living in London – or the nicest place to just be walking through – it had been Y/N’s home for five years now. Sure, she spent loads of time in Maldon and Essex, but this was her place in London. But soon, Hampstead would probably be it. It wasn’t that the commute would be horrible from Hackney and up to North London, but she would rather have a stroll to work in the morning instead of using public transit. It was bloody unbearable on the tube in the mornings sometimes.

They exited the car and Y/N rummaged through her purse for her keys, giving them to Portia when she reached her hand out for them.

“Thanks, babes.” Y/N said, getting her diploma out of the car seat before closing the door and letting their mother lock the car.

Portia glanced at Y/N for a little while, a grin spreading out over her lips.

“What?” Y/N asked, gesturing for her sister to unlock the door so they could walk on in.

“Dunno,” Portia shrugged, putting the key in the hole and turning it. “You never call me ‘babe’ or anything like that, but you’ve started recently.”

“Been watching too much Love Island.”

Portia laughed, holding the door open for her mother and sister. The lot of them walked up the stairs to the second story, about to let Y/N change out of her heels so they could go have a pint and then go out to dinner. Though she wouldn’t look as smashing as she did with her heels on, they would ultimately kill her feet and she was not about that life today. She’d just gotten a degree, she was going to feel good all day. So fuck heels.

They reached Y/N’s door and she let Portia unlock that one as well. Her flat was as simplistic as always; one single room with a small kitchen, a bed, a desk, and a door to a small bathroom. Elaine walked over to the desk, sitting down in Y/N’s office chair while Portia bent down and picked up something behind the door.

“Mail.” She said, giving Y/N a few envelopes.

“Thanks.” Y/N took it, looking through the envelopes to see nothing interesting. A couple of bills, some rubbish, and…

“Where are we going after this then?” Elaine asked, looking from Y/N to Portia. But Y/N didn’t hear what Portia was answered because she was too busy reading the small slip of paper that told her she’d gotten a parcel. Everything that was too big to slip through the mail slot was out into a cupboard on the outside of Y/N’s flat. Beside her front door was another, smaller door where her electricity metre was. If she wasn’t in to receive the parcel herself, she’d written on her mail slot to just pop it in there.

She put all her mail down on the kitchen counter before walking outside to check the cupboard. Upon opening it, she saw a single brown parcel, though it looked more like a gift than anything. She reached for it, bringing it out into proper lighting. She read her own address on the front, and when turning it around, she found it a little hard to breathe. Had he…

Y/N walked back into the flat, closing the door behind her and placing the package on the kitchen counter so she could unpack it. She knew Elaine and Portia were talking behind her about something, probably where they were going to go have their pint, but Y/N could not focus on anything but what was right in front of her. Ripping the paper off, a sea of colour was revealed to her and she recognised what she was looking at right away.

“A sunny morning in Essex.” Y/N smiled, looking at him. “The most beautiful sight in the world, if I may say so.”

“Oh, is it?” he asked, putting the brush away and placing his hand on her thigh, turning to face her.

“Uh-huh.” Her smile widened some as he moved closer to her, brushing his nose gently against hers.

“I can think of more beautiful sights than a sunrise in bleeding Essex.”

She ran her hand over it, feeling the strokes of paint she’d put there with Harry’s help. It wasn’t nearly as beautiful as the paintings in his collection, but it was the most breath-taking creation she’d ever laid her eyes upon. It was something she’d made with Harry. It was art. Picking it up, something fell to the kitchen counter. An envelope.

“What’s that?” Portia asked, but Y/N couldn’t answer.

She put the canvas back down on the counter and reached for the envelope, tearing it open. It was his handwriting and she suddenly longed for him again. Months had gone by, but she thought about him every day. He was always with her, always motivated her; made her want to be better. And seeing something the two of them made a year ago, reliving the memory of them sitting close and creating something beautiful in the warm Italian summer night, it made her yearn in a way she never had before.

‘Complimenti per la laurea, celeste.’

Looking down on the canvas again, she suddenly recognised it. The landscape resembled the one in Tuscany, the one she had walked through and lived in all last summer. And in the corner was a white house, almost like a mansion of sorts, but not as big as some of the houses she’d passed on the countryside. She didn’t remember painting that. In fact, she barely remembered painting anything but the colour of the sunrise. Orange, yellow, blue. Harry must’ve completed the painting after she left.

“Y/N,” Portia said, now standing by her sisters’ shoulder. “Is that one of his paintings?”

Y/N just looked at he canvas, unable to say anything.

“Is that one of his fucking paintings?” Portia gasped, looking at Elaine and back at Y/N. “Imagine how much that is worth!”

“I’m not gonna sell his painting, Tia.”

“No, but-“ Portia gestured at the artwork, squealing. “What’d the card say?”

“Think he’s congratulating me on graduating.” Y/N put the card down, looking at the painting again. The room fell silent as nosy Elaine probably didn’t know which of her questions to ask first, Portia looked dumbfounded at the canvas, and Y/N yet again lost herself in daydreams of Harry. He knew she was graduating today. Sent her their painting. He congratulated her on finally getting her degree. He was still thinking about her like she was thinking about him. One of Y/N’s fears with taking so long to figure herself out, he’d somehow move on. But she believed in him enough, knew how she felt well enough, to know that they’d see each other again.

“You have to leave.” Portia said. “Y/N, it’s been six months.”

“I know.”

“You have to go to bloody Italy right this second.” Portia looked around Y/N’s flat. “Where’s your bag?”

“What about my life here? I’m starting a new job next week, I’m moving.”

“Figure that stuff out next week.” Portia smiled. “You’ve grown so much in the last few months, Y/N. You’re softer now, not so prone to fighting people for not having the same opinion as you, but you listen and you’re willing to change. Not for the world, but for yourself. Harry didn’t tell you to embrace tenderness just so you could admit how you were feeling about him, but also so you’d be nicer to yourself.”

“But I already am.”

“I know, but he wanted you to allow more love into your life. By seizing love and allowing yourself to feel, not only self-love, but the love of others, you allow yourself to live fully and completely.” Portia squeezed Y/N’s shoulder. “Without regret, without apology.”

Y/N smiled a little at her sister, studying her face. “Portia Cressida, when the fuck did you become so wise?”

“Can’t let people know I know shit or else I’ll ruin my dumb image.”

The girls laughed, and Portia rested her head on Y/N’s shoulder, glancing at the painting Harry had gifted her sister.

“Go, Y/N.”

Saturday, 12 September 2020

She remembered Italy to be hot, but something about Italy in autumn was almost unbearable. Everything was still a lush green, nothing had changed outdoors since last year it seemed, everything still looked the same. But Y/N wondered how that was possible when she wasn’t even in the southern part of Tuscany anymore, she was in Veneto, a county further up north. North-west Italy looked as summery in autumn as Y/N would’ve expected it to, and she loved it. Though she didn’t like the sun much, she’d come to appreciate it more than the rain of England. Besides, she could stand the heat if it meant meeting Harry again.

She’d called Jamie yesterday, asked them where she’d be able to meet Harry. She knew she could’ve just asked Harry, but she also wanted to see the surprise on his face when he saw her on his doorstep. So, she hadn’t told him she was coming. Which could either end with them living happily ever after or him saying he didn’t feel the same anymore. Thinking about the latter gave her a panic attack.

She hadn’t brought much with her, just a small bag as a carry-on and the clothes she was wearing. A see-through red, yellow, white, and pink tie dye crop top, showing off her cute black bralette underneath, a washed-out pair of high-waisted boyfriend denim jeans, and a black pair of Dr Marten’s. Though it had gotten a bit chilly on the plane, she knew Italy would be hot, and she had been very right about that. Besides, she needed to look extra cute now that she was seeing Harry again for the first time in six months.

The bus ride wasn’t as bumpy as the one she’d taken to Fosdinovo, the bus was new, and she trusted the driver to know if something was wrong. She hadn’t trusted Gioele to know the same, which she applauded herself for in retrospect. The bus was fairly new and the road to Padua, Veneto was nice. She’d done some research and figured out the reason why Harry might’ve moved up north and close to Padua. It was a city known for art; spectacularly pretty and often overlooked by Venice, a mere hour-drive away. Knowing Harry, he’d probably walk through the quieter streets of Venice to get inspiration or sit on a corner café in Padua to people-watch. She knew he wanted to get out of Fosdinovo, but he hadn’t been able to remove himself entirely from the Italian culture he had immersed himself in. His love for that country was too great for him to ever truly leave.

Reaching Padua, Y/N got off and got a taxi right away. She told the driver where she was going, and though it was a bit out of town and onto the countryside – not to Y/N’s surprise, Harry liked quiet after all – he agreed to get her there. It took them about 30 minutes to reach the house, and when they did, it was a simple gravel path. She obviously had to walk for a bit to get there, but she was glad she got to take in Harry’s new residence in the calmness that was the outskirts of Padua. She could make out the white house at the end of the road, the newly sown trees that lined the path, and knew when they had grown to their full height, they would envelope the drive like a tunnel of green leaves and nature. Y/N smiled a little to herself as she imagined it, knowing that Harry most likely had the exact same thought in mind.

It was nice seeing how he decided to live now, especially after everything that happened in Fosdinovo. Secluded, but a couple of neighbours a few minutes’ walk up or down the cemented road she’d just been on. It was undoubtedly his new paradise. And by the looks of it, the closer she got, it seemed he was still working on the house. White and grand, with huge French windows and sheer curtains on either side of them all, there was still some construction work going on on the outside, though the workers weren’t working today it seemed. It was only 12pm, but maybe Harry wanted them to take the day off to relax. She’d ask him, she told herself, because she was now in the driveway, viewing the red front door, looking in through the windows to see if she saw him. Her heart was hammering so fast in her chest that she noticed her tie dye top vibrating with each beat.

Reaching forwards, she pressed the doorbell, taking a step back so the door wouldn’t hit her in the face when he opened it. Nearly as quickly as it had gone off, she heard something very familiar inside the house. Spending time around animals nearly all the time, Y/N’s puppy radar went off when she heard the tiny barks of a baby dog inside. Immediately, her mouth fell open, and she walked to the closest window to look inside.

Down a white tiled corridor, the light from the massive windows on the other side of the house shining down on him, a puppy came running down on his big paws, his tail wagging so wildly his little bum moved with it.

“Hi.” Y/N cooed when he reached the window, standing on his back-paws to get a better look of her and bark some more. “Who’re you then? What’s your name?”

He sniffed the glass as if trying to get a sniff of her, but he whimpered when he couldn’t. And as Y/N got a good look of the little guy, she realised something very quickly that made her almost fall backward onto the gravel of the driveway. A Scottish deerhound.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Y/N said under her breath, walking back to the front door and ringing the doorbell again. Why was it that Harry had trouble answering the bloody door every time? She stood her ground this time, the puppy still barking at her and watching her in anticipation, ready to jump onto her the second Harry opened the door. But he didn’t. So this time she knocked on his door with her fist, not about to wait around for hours. She knew he was in. A puppy couldn’t be left alone in a big house like this, he’d either have to put him in a cage or take the pup with him.

With no response, Y/N decided to explore the outside of his house. Giving the pup a little wave, she stepped down from the front step, taking in the marble pillars on either side that held a small roof above the front door. The house was incredibly elegant and new. Had he built it himself? She walked around the side, admiring the huge garden and the tall stone fence that secluded it from everything else. There were a couple of trees that stood around a tiny pond, and it seemed he’d taken the time to put a grey stone bench beside it. The rest of the garden was newly trimmed and grand, though pretty empty still. There seemed to be the start of a pretty big doghouse beside another tree, and something else that might be the start of a veranda. Maybe he’d just about moved in. It would explain why everything looked so new, anyway.

It felt like Harry, though. All of it. Elegant yet simple, big but not too much. He was a simplistic person who loved grand things. The thought of him moving into a new house, probably a little anxious to meet new people and to get acquainted with his new life in a new town, it made her smile. He was restless and would move in a few years, but for now, this was exactly what he needed, she knew.

Faint, but Y/N still heard it with every single part of her being, a meow sounded from behind her. Turning around, there stood a striped cat looking over at her. She hesitantly moved forward and Y/N felt like breaking down crying.

“Viola,” Y/N hunched down. “Hi, baby.”

The cat made her way over quite hastily when she recognised who the person was, rubbing herself against Y/N’s outstretched hands. She’d grown, yet Y/N would know this little creature anywhere. She’d often wondered what happened to Viola, because when she left, she assumed Harry would take care of her till he left. But here she was. Had he brought her with him everywhere? She reached down, pressing a soft kiss to Viola’s forehead like she always did, and the cat meowed in response. Y/N giggled, the feel and sound of Viola brought her right back to her time in Fosdinovo. The cat had been there for her every single day, putting a smile on her face. They gave each other a home for a month.

Thinking she might explore more of the grounds, she stood upright, and Viola immediately perked up, ready to follow Y/N wherever she decided to go. Her eyes suddenly landed on a glass house attached to the mansion, and then on the figure standing by the open door leading into it. The inside of the winter garden was fully furnished, unlike the rest of the property that lacked the same attention. She couldn’t believe this. Not only was this Harry’s dream home, it was hers as well.

Their eyes met, and a jolt so intense rocked through Y/N’s body that it shook up everything. She fell in love with him all over again, seeing him there, looking right back at her with a look of startlement and longing and relief. She couldn’t wait any longer, she had to be close to him. Taking the first few steps, she felt the inside of her tummy vibrate as the butterflies inside her came to life again. The closer she got to him, the more every single part of her body tickled, itching to hold him again. And when it seemed to have dawned on Harry that this wasn’t a dream, he started walking toward her as well. The closer they got the more they picked up the pace. It had been too long, they had taken too much time, they had worked on each other for one another and for themselves.

Y/N threw herself into his chest and Harry wrapped his arms around her so tightly she was sure she’d fade into him. Though it had taken them so much to get to this moment, it had taken them a while for a reason. People needed to work on one another and for each other to make a relationship work, it didn’t just magically happen. And sometimes people need to be apart for a little while to gain perspective and mature enough to return. Harry needed someone who could be as open as him, and Y/N needed someone who wasn’t afraid to be himself to the fullest, without apology.

They broke apart, eager to look at one another again. Harry’s eyes moved over her frantically, taking her in again. He was wearing another silk shirt, tucked into high-waisted washed out denim jeans, and barefoot. Something about his bare feet was adorable. And the fact they were basically wearing the same jeans made her stifle a laughter.

“Hi,” she said, unsure how else to greet him.

He chuckled. “What the fuck, Y/N.”

“What?”

“You’re here.” He said, smiling at her. “I… I had no idea. But you’re here.”

“I’m here.”

He took her hand, squeezing it, looking her up and down. “Here.”

She smiled as well, feeling her hand heat up here his skin met hers. When he looked up at her again, eyes glistening, face lit up more than she’d ever seen before, dimples as deep as ever, she felt like tearing up. This was the man of her dreams; the man she wanted to spend every day with till death. And even after that she’d find him in their next life, or she’d find him in her afterlife, or wherever else they’d end up. There was no one else. Would never be anyone else.

“This is a big place.” She said, gesturing at the house and the rest of the estate.

“Yeah,” Harry nodded, still looking at their joined hands. “Started building it back in March.”

“Big place for a big lad.”

Harry laughed, looking up at her again. “Need enough space for Viola and Gopher to wander.”

Y/N’s heart did a dreamy sigh. “Gopher?”

“Oh!” Harry pointed behind him at the house. “He was the one barking.”

“The puppy?”

“Yeah.”

She bit her lips together, looking down at their hands. “You adopted a puppy.”

Silence for a few moments before Harry said, in such a soft voice she swore it felt like a caress, “He’s been waiting for you.”

She glanced up again, happiness so overwhelming filled her to the point that she felt like flying. Eyes landed on the house and then back on Harry as he ran his thumb over her hand.

“Don’t you remember that day in the car last summer, when you first met Jamie?”

She didn’t at first, but it hit her like a truck and she almost gasped out loud. Harry only smiled a little at her, having remembered her words this whole time.

“A Scottish deerhound.”

“They’re quite big, aren’t they? Can’t remember how they look, but I think I know.” The phone was in Jamie’s hand, typing the name of the breed into the Google search bar.

“I’ve always wanted one. Always wanted to move to the outskirts of Maldon with two deerhounds. That’s where I want to settle down, I think.” She said. “With a winter garden and a big property so the dogs can run freely.”

She shook her head, not wanting to believe Harry had done this.

“Harry…”

“It’s not Maldon, or Essex, or England for that matter,” he said, stepping aside so she could look at the house. “But I tried to make it like you said, with some pieces of me in it, if that’s okay.”

The resemblance it held to the last painting of Harry’s exhibit was incredible, the same painting that had been stolen by Gioele. The painting Harry had an emotional attachment to of sorts. It was because it was this. It was the house. It was the place he hoped she’d settle down. With him.

“Wanna take a look inside?”

She smiled at him. “Please.”

He smiled back, letting go of her hand so they could walk into the winter garden. Viola followed them, strolling in through the door before Harry closed it. He took her into his arms and walked over to the door that led into the house, opening it and letting Viola walk away before closing the door again. They were left in silence, a few of the windows were open to let some air in or else the room would undoubtedly get incredibly hot with the sun shining right in. The roof was shaped like a spire, the whole glasshouse a half-circle, and green plants lined the window wall. Vines hung gracefully along some of the stiles, and in the middle of it all stood a big blue velvet ottoman. The whole place had a gothic feel to it and Y/N absolutely adored it. When she’d pictured a winter garden, she’d just wanted a place she could relax outdoors during wintertime, but this was something else entirely. It had a Harry feel to it, but it also felt like her.

“What do you think?” Harry asked, leaning his back against the windows.

“It’s amazing.” She mused, looking around. “Harry… I’m speechless.”

“Tried to make it into something that I knew you’d like. That’s why I painted it first and had an architect sketch the outline of the house after.” Harry explained. “Hope it falls into liking.”

She looked over at him, for the first time in ages, seeing the hint of doubt in his eyes again. Simply not able to help herself, she walked over to him, hesitating a bit before placing a hand to his cheek. He leaned into her, closing his eyes for a second and letting a sigh of relaxation leave his lips.

“I love it, I haven’t even seen the inside of the house, but I love it.” She told him, studying his dark eyelashes against his cheekbones. “And I love you.”

Harry’s eyes shot open, looking straight into hers. The absolute joy in them made the colour of his irises more radiant, and it was almost as if the sun shone a little brighter. As if the world fell into place; like how it was supposed to be all along.

“I love you.” She repeated, softer this time around.

“Yeah?” Harry’s voice sounded like a whisper; a plea for her to really, really, really feel it – what was between them – like he did.

“I’m in love with you, Harry.”

He grabbed the back of her neck, swallowing hard. “I love you, too.”

She couldn’t help it when the sides of her mouth tipped upward. “I know.”

Harry smiled. “Smug bastard.”

She laughed, leaning her forehead against his, feeling his fingers stroke her scalp tenderly. God, it felt good to have him touch her again. It felt good to be close to him. It felt good to not be ashamed of saying ‘I love you’. It felt amazing to let someone else know how deeply you cared for them and see them light up in response because they felt the same way.

“Now fucking kiss me before I go out of my mind.” Harry said, an undertone to his voice that made a hot tingle run up Y/N’s spine.

“How about you kiss me?”

Harry frowned.

“After all, if I hadn’t kissed you in the ocean that night, would we even be here?”

“You take pride in that, don’t you? I would’ve kissed you eventually.” Harry said, and Y/N raised her eyebrows at him. “I would’ve!”

“Yeah, alright. When? The opportunity presented itself a couple of times, but you only had the nerve to kiss my hand.”

Harry gripped her hair hard in his hand, bringing her lips to hover above his. She gasped, looking down at his lips and then feeling it against her thigh. Very quickly, she felt hot all over, and the need to be closer to Harry grew so fast it made her dizzy.

“Got the nerve to fuck you good now, don’t I?” Harry said, voice so deep she felt it vibrate through her bones.

Y/N bit her lip. “What gentleman talks like that to a lady before he’s even kissed her for the first time in a year?”

“You want a gentleman?”

She ran her hands down his torso. “Depends on the situation.”

Harry kissed her jaw, leaving wet kisses down her neck. “Hmm, does it now?”

“Want a gentleman to walk the little puppy with, to make breakfast with, or to take me out for dates.”

“Do you want a gentleman between your thighs, baby?”

She closed her eyes at the feel of Harry’s lips on her, bit her bottom lip as he pressed her body closer to his. “Depends on how well that gentleman knows how to treat a lady.”

Harry chuckled, the feeling of his laughter against her skin was like heaven. “I’ll be a gentleman, the devil, an angel; I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”

She huffed. “Thought we were doing dirty talk, and here you go turning it romantic.”

“I need you to shut up,” Harry said as his lips hovered above hers. “Because I’m about to kiss you and then fuck you on that sofa.”

She grinned, tilting her head to fit perfectly against his. “Kiss me.”

And he did. Hard and passionately. They wasted no time, slipping their tongue into one another’s mouths, clinging to one another, touching all over. They tasted the other, felt them right there. There were some birds singing outside, rustling of some leaves, but the two of them didn’t care. Harry pushed her backward till her legs hit the couch, but she stopped herself from falling back into it. Instead, she turned them around, pushing Harry back onto the ottoman.

“Let me show you how much I love you.” She said, and Harry let out a shaky breath at her words.

He quickly undid the buttons of his silk shirt, threw it somewhere behind him before he leaned on his elbows. “Nothing you’ve ever said has turned me on more.”

She giggled, taking her jeans and knickers off and straddling his lap. He sat up, attaching his lips to hers once again, grabbing onto her bum, begging her to grind against him. They both wanted some friction, and she knew that if he pressed her harder onto him, there would be wet marks from her left on his jeans. But in the moment, neither cared. They just wanted to be as close as humans could be, wanted to feel ecstasy. She buried her hands in his hair, dragging out the tongue filled, wet, lustful kisses. It was excruciating, and the heat between her thighs got more and more intense the more time went on. A wave of excitement and adoration ran through her as she felt Harry’s hand run up her back, reaching for her bra. He wanted to see all of her.

She let him, throwing her shirt off and letting her bra fall to the floor. Harry kissed her the second she was done undressing, moaning her name against her lips. She felt her centre ache, reaching for the zip of Harry’s jeans as quickly as possible. She couldn’t bare it any longer, she needed to be skin to skin; soul to soul. Y/N found that the people she had sex with, she formed an emotional attachment to them in a way that was unexplainable. There might not even be real feelings there, but you’d shared an intimate moment with someone, and it was a moment neither of you would ever forget. But with Harry, it was more than that. It wasn’t just a single moment she shared with him when they were like this; it felt like sharing an entire lifetime. It felt like happiness; it felt like the rest of her life. And she knew she was right to have spent time away from him, because she would tell him this over and over and over again, and she wouldn’t be ashamed or feel weak for admitting how much she loved him.

They got Harry’s jeans and boxers off, and as she took a grip of his cock, Harry stiffened. Their eyes met.

“A condom.” He said, reminding her what they were about to do.

She shook her head. “It’s fine.”

Harry gripped her thigh, squeezing her.

“You pay for the pill.”

He smiled, kissing her for a long time. “Fuck me, please.”

Slowly, she sat down on him, gasping at the familiar feeling of him inside her like this. Harry didn’t take his eyes off her the entire time, mouth opening wider for each centimetre he moved inside her. Positioning her feet on the floor, she started moving her hips over him. He instantly moaned, not able to help himself because it felt so good. He moved his hands up her thighs, her sides, her back, wanting to feel every single little part of her. Wanted her to know how much he appreciated every little thing about her. There wasn’t a single part of her body, of her soul, of her existence he didn’t love. She felt all his emotions in his touches, in the kisses he left along her collarbone, in the soft way he moaned her name.

She tried to push him down onto the ottoman, wanting to have him watch her as she rode him, but Harry stopped her. He shook his head, curls tickling her jawline and cheek.

“No,” he simply said, wrapping his arms around you. “I’m staying right here.”

And though he hadn’t meant it that way, Y/N still took it as him telling her he’d stay with her like this forever. After all, she’d been the one to leave him in the first place, but they were here now. Never was she going to leave him. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her, the truest thing in her life, and her best influence. Had she ever been happy before she’d met him? Had she known true happiness till now? Because right now, feeling Harry’s bare skin against hers and hearing him repeat her name, she wasn’t so sure the happiness she’d felt before him could be counted as just that, happiness.

Harry squeezed her hips. “Like that,” he moaned, burying his face in the cook of her neck.

Nothing mattered besides the magic they were creating between them; nothing mattered but Harry and eternity. The soft skin of the inside of Y/N’s thighs against Harry’s hips and sides, pressed to him, sweaty. His tattooed body against her bare one. Heavy breathing, the occasional moan.

The burn in her core was really starting to build up now, and she knew it would burst any second. Harry moved his face so it was right in front of hers, studying her moving form above him. Her sliding hips, her desperate hands, her exclamations of pleasure. The butterflies in her stomach went crazy, all of them flying wildly in a single circle to intensify the oncoming orgasm. Harry’s hips moved more with hers, staring at her as she closed her eyes, digging her nails into his shoulders.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Harry said, hands trembling against her back.

She didn’t know why that almost brought her to tears, but it did, and she bit her bottom lip to stop herself from crying. No one had ever made her feel as stunning as Harry. Though she was confident in her body and on her own, being with Harry made her feel on top of the world. His love, his encouragement, his compliments, it all made her feel so incredibly good about herself in a way nothing ever had before. She had no idea how she could ever thank him for that.

Their hips moved rhythmically, hard against one another, desperate for release. Everything felt electric, everything felt hot. Y/N wanted to melt into him and have the two of them sitting like this forever. Wanted to feel him close, feel his love, feel his skin. Having him inside her like this, feeling him grip her hard, whimpering against her lips, moan her name; she felt powerful, beautiful, strong, and so so so good.

“Harry,” she moaned, looking into his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.” He said, bringing her closer. He reached between them, knowing that in order to come properly, she needed him to flick her bud. “Let me watch you come.”

“Oh, God.” She gripped his shoulders harder, moaning loudly as he rubbed her clit like he knew she loved so much.

“Yeah?” He watched her, flicking her faster. “Come for me, baby.”

She came hard. Harry watched her intently, clearly holding back his own release till he knew she was completely done with hers. She grinded on top of him, looking deeply into her eyes as hot flames lashed threw her body, rocking up her entire reality. She gasped for breath and moaned and repeated Harry’s name over and over and over again until it let like it was the only word she knew. Her legs were shaking, and it was hard for her to move properly so he could come to.

“Say it.” Harry said, his neck vein about to show and his face reddening with the oncoming climax. “Tell me.”

She knew exactly what he needed to hear. “I love you.” She whispered against his lips, pressing a tender kiss to the side of his lips as she continued to rock over him. “Everyday, for the rest of my existence, I’ll love you.”

“Fuck.” Harry moaned, not able to look away from her. “Y/N. My love.”

She held his face in her hands. “Never leave me. I love you too much.”

“Never.” Harry said, a moan escaping his lips. “Shit.”

He came, not looking away from her. A furrow appearing between his brows, lips parted, and Y/N had never seen anything so hot and beautiful. He stilled, neck vein showing, and he moaned and moaned and moaned. She watched him till he came down, feeling his cum inside her, feeling his breathing against her, his arms around her.

“You need to go meet Gopher now.” Harry said after a little while.

“My puppy.”

Harry laughed. “We’re gonna have a house filled with fucking animals, aren’t we?”

“And what about it?” Y/N smiled. “Don’t you want to see me happy?”

Harry’s eyes softened, smiling slightly up at her as he took her hand, bringing it up to his lips. He kissed her hand, then her palm, then the pulse of her wrist. “For the rest of my life, celeste.” His smile widened as he felt her beating hearts against his lips. “My baby blue.”

the BIGGEST thank you to all my beta readers! you lot have saved me and helped me more times than i can count! love you!

@aileenacoustic @sunflowervolumeeleven @emotionally-imbruised @fromyourstrulyh @harryisadogperson @harrysthighles @mellowstyles94 @toolazymyguy @clorenafila @dearest-rebecca @tpwkceline @tasteslikestrawberriesharry

and thank you to you! thank you for reading baby blue! thank you for the love sent both mine and bb’s way! thank you for letting me tell you yet another story, the fact that you sit down each sunday (or whichever day tbh) to read bb and immerse yourself in the bb-verse means so much to me!

as for what i’m gonna do next cos i’ve gotten quite a few questions about that! i won’t be posting writing on tumblr or wattpad till may, but in the meantime i’ll be over at patreon posting! there’ll be a poll there where some of my patrons can vote for what they want me to write next and i’ll post something every week!

my next fic will be announced sometime in april (tho i’ve talked about what it’s gonna be multiple times lmao), and the first few chapters will be available to read on my patreon before it starts posting on my other platforms!

ANYWAY, i love you all so much! thank you again! bb!harry and bb!mc appreciate you very much, as do i :’’)

thank you so much. till next time, stay hydrated.

your bestie, nora x

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peachymarkeu · 3 years

Text

𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰: NCT 127 x OC

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮: Fluff, Angst & Suggestive

𝓢𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂: What is it like being an 18 year old girl that had just moved into her new apartment and then suddenly meeting the people she would consider to be her brothers while being away from her parents?

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 6: 𝓞𝓾𝓻 𝓛𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓢𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻

“Um… Nae Oppa I know NCT” I said to them.

An awkward silence enveloped the place.

“Uh… don’t worry I’m not the type of fan that would announce to the whole world that I’m living right next to NCT. Y-you all don’t have to worry. I won’t be taking pictures of you guys as well.”

“Thanks Yuna for telling us that. We’ve been having great trust issues knowing that we are idols that want to keep our privacy.” Yuta Oppa said.

“Ah, I understand. I also wouldn’t want people going around telling me where I live. I respect your privacy and deeply understand their importance to you.” I told them as a reassurance.

Silence surrounded us once again. I slightly bowed my head hoping that we wouldn’t have to say our goodbyes already. In great honesty, I like being with them. They act like the big brothers that I’ve always wanted. I’m an only child so I never experienced having a sibling so being with made me feel as if they are actually my siblings.

“Yuna” Jaehyun Oppa called my attention. I turned my head to him.

“I know that look. There’s a lot of things going through your mind. Don’t worry, you don’t have to stop seeing us because you’re a fan. The whole time you were here we felt quite comfortable with you. We trust that you won’t be going around telling people about us” he said with a small smile.

“Gomawo Oppa. I was actually thinking if we had to cut ties already. I don’t want that since I actually find you guys fun to be with. It's as if you were brothers I never had.” I told them while looking at all of them and saw that they all had a smile on their faces.

“Ok enough of all the serious talking. My gosh the mood went down so quickly. Let’s go play or something.” Jungwoo Oppa said while standing up.

“Let’s jam out to our songs. Yuna you know our songs right.” Mark Oppa asked me and I nodded.

He started to strum the guitar and I immediately noticed what the song was. He was playing Love Song by NCT 127.

neoreul hyanghae giun usani

ireoke ttaemachim

cham jagaseo dahaengiya

Taeil Oppa sang with his very angelic voice which made me sway my body.

Hoo ireon geon

yesanghaji mothan sanghwangiya

eokkaega daheun i sungan

Jungwoo Oppa sang Haechan Oppa’s part which surprised me since it sounded so good.

‘eodi deureogal del chatja’

malhamyeonseodo nae georeumeun

Mark Oppa then sang Doyoung Oppa’s part and he surprised me again with his vocal’s

jakkuman hayeomeopshi neuryeojyeo

I can’t stop I can’t stop this feeling

Jaehyun Oppa started with his one and only baritone voice and blended with Jungwoo Oppa in the next line.

neoye sumsorido deullyeo

ireoke gakkaunikka

Yuta Oppa continued and I admired his very unique voice. Jaehyun Oppa then nudged me telling me to go next.

idaero tumyeonghaejin chae

shigani meomchwosseumyeon hae yeah

I sang Taeil Oppa’s part effortlessly but still being cautious knowing that I am singing right in front of the very people who originally sang this song. In the corner of my eyes, I see them all looking at me. I even saw Taeil Oppa open his mouth while I was singing. We then continued to sing the chorus of the song all together which was really fun. Surprisingly we sounded so good even when I was part of it. We continued to sing and Jungwoo Oppa and Taeil Oppa started to make funny choreography which made me giggle. We ended the song and we all cheered for each other.

“Wah, Yuna-yah you have a very nice voice” Yuta Oppa said which made me blush slightly. Can you believe it? The Nakamoto Yuta said that my voice is nice.

“Yeah, yeah. You can actually be part of NCT. Uwa the very first girl member.” Jungwoo Oppa said with a smile.

We continued to sing a few more songs until our vocal chords got tired. Yuta Oppa decided to get us some drinks to replenish our throats. He opened the refrigerator and checked if there was any delicious drink inside.

“Ok who wants to have beer and who wants to have soju?” He asked which made the boys laugh and I smiled at them. I’m still a minor so I can’t have any of those drinks.

“Yah Yuta, Yuna here is still a minor she can’t have any of those.” Taeil Oppa said.

“Then water it is” he said while getting the pitcher and wine glasses.

“Um… why do you guys use wine glasses to drink water?” I asked them quite curious since wine glasses are for wine not for water.

“Ah, it's a thing here in our dorm” Mark Oppa said while rubbing the back of his neck and the members agreed with him so I just let it go, not asking any further.

Yuta Oppa poured us all glasses of water and handed them to us one by one.

“Oh, Yuna I forgot to ask, how come you're living alone at the age of 18?” Jungwoo Oppa asked.

“Ah, my parents gave me the apartment as a gift on my 18th birthday and out of nowhere told me that I would be moving in just a few weeks. I was shocked because I never knew why they wanted me to move and live alone so early. But, I thought that maybe this was a way for me to grow up or something like that.” I told them.

“Wah, I never envisioned myself living in an apartment alone at that age. I mean yeah I did move away from my parents at a very young age but I have my hyungs with me all the time.” Mark Oppa said.

“Doesn’t it get lonely?” Jungwoo Oppa asked.

“Well, I’ve only been here for a very short time so I haven’t really gotten homesick so much. But, I have been missing my parents a lot these days.” I told them with a sad smile.

“You don’t have to worry Yuna.” Jaehyun Oppa said while placing his hand on my shoulder as a kind gesture.

“We’ll be your family while you live here as our neighbor. Just as you said earlier, think of us as if we are your brothers.

“Yeah! And you’ll be our beloved dongsaeng.” Taeil Oppa said and I smiled at him.

“Well then, are you guys ready for another round of singing?” Jungwoo Oppa asked.

I looked at my wrist and saw the 10:00 pm flashed on my digital watch.

“Shit” I muttered quietly although Jaehyun Oppa still heard me.

“Why? Is there something wrong?” Jaehyun Oppa asked.

“A-aniyo. Um… Oppa mian, I actually need to go home already. I still have a lot of homework to do hehe.” I told them slightly embarrassed that I didn’t do my homework right away and it was already really late. Well, guess who’s staying up all night.

“Aigoo, arraseo, I’ll lead you to the door.” Jaehyun Oppa said while getting up from his seat.

I got up as well and said my goodbyes to the other members. Taeil Oppa and Jungwoo Oppa gave me a very friendly hug while Mark Oppa and Yuta Oppa just waved me goodbye. I followed Jaehyun Oppa to the door and put my shoes on and set my slippers to the side. Before he could open the door for me, Jungwoo Oppa called out to me.

“Yuna-yah jamkkaman.” Jungwoo Oppa said while jogging towards us with his phone in his hand.

“Nae Oppa?” I said to him.

“Um could you give me your phone number. The others and I want to make a group chat with you.” He said while handing his phone out to me.

I got my phone and punched in my number and saved it as ‘Kim Yuna’. I gave it back to him and said my last goodbyes again. Jaehyun Oppa gave me a side hug before I went out of their unit.

“It was nice hanging out with you Yuna!” he said to me with a smile which showed me his signature dimples.

“Thank you Oppa for letting me stay in your unit.” I said and smiled and proceeded to go inside of my unit.

I went inside of my apartment and got my bag so that I could start doing my homework.

“Aish, why did Mr. Park give so much homework.” I said while trying to figure out what I was going to do first.

I decided to do the longest homework first then the shorter one’s so that in case I won’t finish tonight, I’ll be able to do them in school before classes start and during breaks in between classes.

I was reading my text book and was getting quite drowsy until my phone flashed open. There, I said that this was a sign that I can take a break. I know I’ve only been working for ten minutes. I got my phone and checked the notification that made my phone turn on and saw that it was from an unknown number.

+127-09682679

Annyeong Yuna! It's me Jungwoo :-)

Kim Yuna

Annyeong Oppa!

I put my phone down to get some water in the kitchen. When I came back I saw that my phone was bombarded with text messages.

Kim Jungwoo added you to the Group Chat

Kim Jungwoo

Yuna is here!!!!

Mark Lee

Annyeong Yuna!!

Moon Taeil

Aye Yunaaaa!!!

Nakamoto Yuta

Hai!!

Jung Jaehyun

Yah, you guys. Yuna still has homework to do and you guys might be distracting her.

Also hi Yuna!

Mark Lee

Oops mian Yuna

Kim Jungwoo

Wait wait I gotta do something

Kim Jungwoo changed the Group Chat’s name to 10th Floor Brothers

Kim Jungwoo

There you go

Kim Yuna

Hey guys! Thanks for adding me to the group chat. Really like the group chat name, it has a ring to it Jungwoo Oppa (n_n).

Sorry I can’t really talk right now. Gotta get this homework done so that I wouldn’t get scolded by my teacher (-_-)

Good night guys sleep tight!

Jung Jaehyun

Night Yuna! Fighting!

Kim Jungwoo

Jalljja! <3

Mark Lee

Night and peace out!

Yuta Oppa

Night Night!

Taeil Oppa

Good night Yuna!

I turned off my phone and focused on my homework while listening to my playlist.

Now playing Whiplash by NCT 127

‘Damn it’s gonna be a long ass night’

--------------------------

A/N: Hi guys! Hope you are enjoying this series. For the record this is the very first series that I have ever written so if ever you have any suggestions or advice you want to give me so I can improve my writing you can send me a private chat or comment in this blog. I would really appreciate them and I would also want to communicate with you all. Thank you all so much for all the likes and re-blogs! Hope to hear from all of you. ALSO don’t forget to stream NCT 127′s upcoming Japanese comeback. That’s all!!

#taeyong #taeil #johnny #yuta #doyoung'#jaehyun #jungwoo #mark #haechan #nct angst #nct fluff #nct smut #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct #nct 127 #10thFloorBrothers

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demonwifey · 3 years

Text

Birthday Surprise🎉🎁

Yo, what’s up ya’ll✌🏽 So yesterday was my birthday and thanks again to everyone on here and twitter that sent me a happy birthday wishes💗 This practically me self-inserting because I had this idea for my birthday. So it’s a gift to myself and you guys. THIS IS A 18+ FIC. IF YOU ARE NOT 18 OR OLDER, DO NOT READ. Hope you guys enjoy!💚💜🖤

Beetlejuice x black+AFAB!reader

Warnings: Drunk reader, ropeplay/shibari (kinda), NSFW🔞

Word Count: 3,064

So, Happy Birthday! You’re officially 24! Although that should have been exciting, it really wasn’t. It’s not like you were having a bad day, it just wasn’t anything special. After your 18th birthday it just seemed like another day. Although your family might have bought your favorite dessert, or your friends took you out for a fun time, birthday’s just weren’t the same as from when you were a kid.

However, birthday’s did have a different meaning once you became an adult; specifically when you hit 21. Like you said, your friends took you out for a good time. Which basically meant getting so drunk that you wouldn’t leave bed the next morning. You didn’t mind, if only for one day out of the entire year. And this year wasn’t going to be any different...if you didn’t have a certain clingy demon staying at your place.

Oh boy, the type of tantrum you knew Beetlejuice would throw if you were gone all night. When he first came around, he didn’t even like it when you left for work. You were gone most of the day but you’d be right back. As if that gave him any ease. Then you two started dating and he took it to a whole new level. Of course, you were able to leave. It's not like he held you hostage. But that didn’t stop him from dragging on your leg and begging not to leave while you headed for the door. Although it wasn’t easy being with Beetlejuice, you loved him nonetheless.

Given all this knowledge of Beej’s clinginess, it made you worry about tonight. Your best friends were taking you out but you didn’t really want to go. You actually didn’t mind staying in with Beej, chowing down on some store bought birthday cupcakes, and watching your favorite movies. Not to mention, knowing Beej, the amazing birthday sex you’d get at the end of the night. That sounded WAY more appealing than standing in a hot and sweaty club with music so loud you’d have to scream to be heard.

But no matter how much you opposed, your friends begged you to come out. And you still would’ve said no if they didn’t say “Y/N, you never hang out with us anymore! All you do is stay home. It’s like you’re hanging out with some secret boyfriend or something.”

And you not being the so subtle person accidentally froze in place before trying to counter by speaking too quickly, “Uhh, Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.”

And they caught on immediately. You knew your friends would’ve done everything in their power to get you talking about you “secret boyfriend”. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if he wasn’t a dead demon. So you agreed to their plans but to not be out all night. The latest being 11:00. Although they gave groans of disappointment, they still agreed.

Now, you’d been with Beej for at least a year. Out of all the tricks and scare pranks he did to you, his reaction to your news was the scariest. He was...calm. His hair stayed it’s natural bright color. There wasn’t any change in expression on his face. Not even the slightest eyebrow twitch. He wasn’t even fazed by the outfit you had on. A short, all black, velvet dress that hugged your curves just right and a pair of 6-inch block heels to match. Your hair was done up and you had just a touch of makeup on that made you look different than your usual self. All that and no major reaction.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, babycakes.” He spoke. He walked up to you, still so calm and composed. Once he was close enough, a cold hand gently pushed a stray strand of hair behind your ear before an even colder palm rested against your cheek. “Practically good enough to eat.”

“Ah...ha. Yeah, I mean. If you want me to stay here, that’s fine too, Beej. I can just call my friends and tell them-” But he quickly stopped you.

“No, no, no. Don’t go cancelling plans on account of me, Y/N.” His voice started normal but then got lower as he finished.

You felt his thumb make its way to your lips. It grazed them ever so lightly, like he wasn’t trying to mess with your lipstick, before adding a small pressure to your bottom lip. You knew that was a signal to open your mouth as he slipped his thumb in. He gently pressed it against your tongue before swirling it around, getting the digit wet from your saliva. You never looked away from his golden eyes, and thank God for that. Although the was able to maintain himself, the look of lust and domination in his eyes was enough to make you say “fuck whatever plans were happening tonight”. Absentmindedly, you went to swirl your tongue around his finger as well. But before you could put in any work, he slowly pulled the thumb away.

You would’ve let out a whine if he didn’t place a hand on your lower back and walk you closer to the door. You weren’t sure if you should be scared and relieved. One one hand, he wasn’t being super drastic like normal. Which was great. You wouldn’t feel bad all night about leaving him for the night. On the other hand, what exactly was keeping him so calm? And what were his plans for when you got back? He places your purse in your hands before giving you a deep kiss on the lips.

“Beej, I-“ But before you could continue, your phone dinged. Your friends texted that they were outside.

“Just enjoy yourself tonight, babes.” His husky voice echoed through your ears, practically making you melt in his arms.

He then opened the door in front of you before giving a light tap on your ass. The contact was enough to make you let out a small yelp before stumbling forward out the door frame. The heat that filled your cheeks was practically burning. It’s not like you were a blushing virgin but something about this whole thing is making you feel like one. You quickly gained your balance before looking back. Beetlejuice stood in the doorway with a sinister smile on his face. The last thing you noticed was a streak of hot pink that flashed in his hair.

“I’ll be here when you get back.” And with that, he shuts the door in front of you. The look on your face had too many emotions to uncover in one sitting. All you could do was turn to walk to your friend’s car as they waited.

You sat in the back seat as they all screamed “Happy Birthday, biiiitttccch!” Not holding back any of the excitement in their voices. You would play along until you adjusted in your seat and felt dampness in your panties. You tried to not to squirm too much once you noticed the feeling.

“Ha...haha. Thanks, you guys.” You say, trying to remain cool. God, the night hadn’t even started and you were really to get back inside to Beej. You just pray that the night ends quick.

****

You weren’t exactly sure what time it was. All you knew was that you were somehow in the backseat of your friend’s car, head laying someone’s lap. Your words were slurred as you tried to keep singing the last song you heard before you all exited the club. Almost everyone in the car, except the driver, seemed to be drunk but not on the same level as you.

All night, your friends wouldn’t stop handing you drinks. If there was one thing they were gonna do, it was make sure you got happy drunk on your birthday. Although you tried to resist, somehow you always ended up with a newly poured glass in your hand. You had basically been thinking about Beetlejuice all night. Both scared and excited for what he had in store for you once you got home. You forget when your thoughts started getting clouded and fuzzy from the alcohol, but you assumed it was after the fourth pineapple vodka was handed to you. You were turned on when you left the house but now it was increased by ten with the alcohol in your system.

Once the car was parked in front of your house one of your friends offered to walk with you to the door. You reassured them it was fine though. Yeah you’d probably stumble a little bit but you were perfectly able to walk on your own. You thanked everyone for a great night before trying your hardest not to fall on your ass while approaching the door.

“Pay my tuition just to kiss me on this wet ass pussy~” You mumbled while fumbling with your keys at the door. God, you never hated door locks more than now.

After struggling for what seemed like forever, you finally unlocked and pushed through the door with success. Accidentally slamming it behind you, you flinched but giggled at the loud sound.

“Beej, I’m home! Come get some of this wet ass pussy!” You yelled from your position. This actually would’ve been the first time Beetlejuice would’ve seen you like this. He didn’t actually know how rowdy you got when super drunk. You quickly dropped your keys and purse to the floor while your shoes weren’t far behind. No response was heard from Beetlejuice so you yelled again.

“Beetlejuicssse! It’ss my birthday! I want birthday sex now!” You stumbled across the room while laughing at your own silliness. You loudly stomped across the room but still no answer from Beej. Now you were getting frustrated.

“Beej! Where are you?!” You yelled but not as loud as before. Again, no answer. You thought maybe he’d left. And the thought alone made you sad. It was your birthday. Why would he leave you like this? It wouldn’t be long before you started drunk crying so you moved over to the couch, trying to quickly calm down before you lost it. As you sat thought, you noticed a box sitting on the coffee table.

The box was small. Just about the size of your hands. It was black and white striped with a silk dark green ribbon tied to the top in a bow shape. The box basically mimicked Beej’s everyday suit. You blinked in confusion before clumsily picking it up. Did he leave this here, you thought. As if the answer wasn’t obvious. You stared at it for a moment before seeing the small note attached to the ribbon. It was black with a white heart stamped in the center. You flipped it over to see a sloppily written message on the back.

To: My favorite babe, Y/N.

From: BJ, the sexiest demon you’ll ever know.

It took everything in your power not to snort at the message. But you smiled nonetheless. Okay, so he wasn’t here. At least he left you a gift. Maybe you two could spend the day together tomorrow. Your fingers fumbled to untie the bow just like with your keys. You were still drunk enough to laugh at yourself though. It didn’t take long for you to get the bow undone as you quickly lifted to top of the box.

You weren’t exactly sure what you expected but this wasn’t it. Inside was one tiny thing of black and white striped rope. Nothing else. Just that.

“Uh, okay.” You thought out loud.

You were way too confused and way too drunk to really make sense of this. Even so, you reached inside the box to grab the robe and pull it out. Just as you were about to get a closer look at it, the rope started moving. On its own. You honestly would have blamed the alcohol for playing tricks on your mind if the rope didn’t snake it’s way up your arm. It moved so slow and smoothly like a snake slithering its way up your arm. You’d been with Beej long enough to be used to anything supernatural, so this whole thing didn’t really phase you. Not only that, but seeing the way the rope slid up your body started making you feel...aroused? Yeeaaah, maybe it was time to go to bed.

However, just before you could get up, another piece of rope emerged from the box and wrapped around your ankle. That’s when you looked up to see the strange sight in front of you: different ends of rope slithering their way out of the tiny box. No like snakes but instead like tentacles. Again, you weren’t too phased but this was a little weird. That’s when you felt two more ends of the rope wrap around your ankle and wrist.

Your head was still a little hazy and this whole thing was making you feel dizzy. And on top of feeling turned on, it almost was like you were on cloud nine. Just as you were about to move again, you noticed the green ribbon sliding its way up your chest. The was the last thing you saw before it quickly snapped itself around your eyes. And you weren’t sure how it happened, but somehow you blacked out.

****

You slowly blinked your eyes open once you came to. The room seemed blurry but it was slowly becoming clearer with each second. As your vision went back to normal, you could tell that you were in your bedroom...in your bedroom...upside down? What the hell?

You shook your head before widening your eyes. You were upside down, in the air. You tilted your head backwards to see your bed directly under you. You quickly tilted back up to see your body was laying straight, like you were on your back, but entangled in the black and white rope from before. Not only that, you were completely naked. The only thing you could really see was the way the rope squeezed against your breast. Further down you could see your legs being held up and spread out with rope wrapped tightly around each ankle. Not long did it take you to feel the tightness of rope around your whole body, including the way your arms were pulled tightly behind your back.

“Uh, fuck, ah. Beej?” You groaned, out trying to look around but not getting much of a view. It seemed as though you sobered up a little but still your head swimming. You couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol, the hundreds of questions you had, or the fact that you were hanging upside down.

“Beetlejuice?!” You called out again. The whole thing felt like deja vu from when you first got back home. But this time, he actually appeared.

There he was, upside down, but standing in front you. This time, you could tell his demeanor was way different from before. He looked so...mischievous. His hair was a mix between hot pink and beaming green. He was dressed in his normal stripes but his suit jacket was gone. The sleeves on his shirt were rolled up, exposing his strong and moss covered forearms. He didn’t seem angry but the air seemed to be more hot when we appeared in the room.

“Hiya, hot stuff.” He said. His scratchy voice gave you so much more ease. But you were still on edge.

“Beej, what the hell is all this? Why am I tied up like this? And why am I upside down?” You demanded. The way he looked at you after you finished was almost like he didn’t like your tone but still amused by your confusion.

“It’s your birthday, babes. This is my present.” He said while walking closer to you.

Before you could ask another question, he gave you a slow and sensual kiss. It was something you’d been wanting all night. Not just a kiss but any type of contact with Beej against you. And you had a feeling that he was going to give you just that. He quickly interrupted your thought with his tongue pushing its way into your mouth and swirling against your own. No longer being able to hold back, you let out such a loud sigh and moan together, it almost sounded like you came just from that. He chuckled at the sound as he pulled his tongue away, causing you to whine almost as loud.

He lifted his hand to rub his thumb against your lips, much like he didn’t from earlier. But instead of mimicking the same action of pushing his thumb in your mouth, he only trailed his hand down your body as he walked around the side of you.

“Ahha, Beej. I’d be just fine with a present while not hanging in the air.” You spoke. But you weren’t able to see him once he walked around. “Beej, I appreciate the gesture but I think-AH~” You let out a quick gasp.

All you could feel was one of his cold fingers rubbing against your clit. Oh...fuck. He was really going to do this. You couldn’t even finish your panicked thoughts before you felt a wet finger slowly push into you. He slowly started pumping it in and out while one finger continued to circle your clit. It wasn’t long before you became more and more wet to the point of practically dripping.

“Ah~ Mmmmm~ Oh, Beej, yes~” You moaned, basically letting go of any fight you had inside of you. You didn’t need any more answers, you just needed Beetlejuice to make you feel good. You could’ve been embarrassed with how fast you came, letting out half a scream, even though his fingers were going painfully slow. Your breathing was slightly hitched but you were able to regain your composure quickly. But that was stunted once he flattened his tongue and gave you heat a long, slow lick.

“Beej~” You moaned out one last time. It became very evident what his plan for you was, and you weren’t getting out of it anytime soon.

“Oh, we’re far from done. Just sit back and let me take care of you, birthday girl.” Was the last thing you heard before his tongue and fingers went to work on you.

Yeah, it was going to be a long night. But, Happy Birthday to you.

Did ya’ll catch that W.A.P reference? 10 points to you if you did.

I know I’ve been slacking on fics for a while. I’ve been busy with school bullshit and I know I sound like a broken record saying that. But I wanna thank you guys for still sticking around and being patient with me. I’m still working on requests and I’m far from finished with writing fics. Thanks so much for reading!💚💜🖤

#beetlejuice x reader #Beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice #beetlejuice fanfiction #self-inserting #beetlejuice musical

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flowerslut · 4 years

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TWILIGHT

an updated, slightly more modern take on the original soundtrack.

note: I’ve been casually working on this playlist series for most of the year, analyzing thousands of songs, and then sorting through hundreds after that. I mainly focused on finding modern, beat-for-beat replacements of each song, with exceptions here and there. This has been tons of fun and I hope you enjoy! (I’ll be posting New Moon’s playlist later this week.)

(NEW MOON) (ECLIPSE) (BREAKING DAWN)

spotify link

[track list and commentary under the cut:]

Supermassive Black Hole — Muse ➼ ➼ ➼ Machine — Imagine Dragons

Machine was the only song I even considered for this. There aren’t many songs that you can hear and think “vampire baseball”, but I think Machine is one of them. And let’s be real, if Imagine Dragons had been putting out music between 2008-12, they would’ve absolutely ended up on one of these soundtracks.

Decode — Paramore ➼ ➼ ➼ Out of My Head — Digital Daggers

Decode was easily the most difficult song to duplicate on this soundtrack, and probably on all five of them put together. I’m still not 100% content with this choice, but it was still the best contender. (It was between Out of My Head and seven other songs.) Decode is an impossible song to duplicate, but Digital Daggers has the high energy rock-like, ‘fuck with me’ attitude to their music that late aughties Paramore encapsulated.

Full Moon — The Black Ghosts ➼ ➼ ➼ Free at Dawn — Small Black

This replacement speaks for itself once you give it a listen. Just visualize panning over those foggy mountains as you listen to Free at Dawn. Go ahead. It just works.

Leave Out All The Rest — Linkin Park ➼ ➼ ➼ One More Light — Linkin Park

Okay, listen. Even if I had wanted to I would’ve never been able to replace with Linkin Park with anything other than Linkin Park. Call me a sentimental fool, but I’m still sore over Chester’s passing. I don’t care if it’s too sad of a song. I don’t care if, lyrically, it doesn’t really work. This was my #selfishchoice of the soundtrack. Linkin Park stays.

Spotlight — Mutemath ➼ ➼ ➼ The Deadroads — The Rural Alberta Advantage

Fun upbeat poppy guitar strumming? Sign us the fuck up. Another song that just works.

Go All the Way (Into the Twilight) — Perry Farrell ➼ ➼ ➼ Bright Whites — Kishi Bashi

No offense, Perry Farrell, but I never liked Go All the Way. It was always the main one on the soundtrack that I skipped when I was younger. Now, Bright Whites? Try putting that as your soundtrack’s orchestral banger, and now we’re talking.

Tremble For My Beloved — Collective Soul ➼ ➼ ➼ Song For Zula — Phosphorescent

Both songs here have a great otherworldly love song feeling to them. This was another fairly easy choice. Song For Zula is a little more upbeat and happy sounding than Tremble For My Beloved, but eh. It’s fine.

I Caught Myself — Paramore ➼ ➼ ➼ Mind over Matter (Acoustic) — PVRIS

Replacing Paramore was hard, and having to do it twice seemed like some sick joke I was playing on myself. But not many artists out there can replicate or even match the power of Hayley William’s vocals. Well, I’ve apparently been sleeping on PVRIS, because those vocals? Top tier, y’all. Once I heard Mind over Matter, it was clear it was the winner.

Eyes on Fire — Blue Foundation ➼ ➼ ➼ Unfair — The Neighbourhood

Eyes on Fire is another song nearly impossible to duplicate. I stuck with a moody The Neighbourhood instrumental to keep things dramatic without messing up the mood of that tense scene.

Never Think — Robert Pattinson ➼ ➼ ➼ I Take All the Blame — Vivek Shraya

Don’t worry. I have another Robert song on a later soundtrack replication. (I won’t tell which one.) This Tegan and Sara cover by Vivek Shraya was the obvious choice to replicate Pattinson’s acoustic hit that I still listen and fight back tears to all these years later.

Flightless Bird, American Mouth — Iron & Wine ➼ ➼ ➼ New American Classic — Taking Back Sunday

And behold, (what I believe is) the biggest change made to the soundtrack. And also an older song than anyone probably expected. (The album Where You Want To Be came out in 2004.) I tried other modern-day acoustic dudes. Sorry, but they don’t match up to Iron & Wine. (And don’t freak out about lack of Hozier, he’s coming. Be patient.) A classic was the obvious choice, and a New American Classic ended up winning this one. I think it’s perfect, but that might just be my high school emo phase acting up again. Doesn’t matter if that phase ended up overlapping with my introduction to Twilight...

Bella’s Lullaby — Carter Burwell ➼ ➼ ➼ Rêves — Nuit Pluie

Not much of a reason for this. I wanted a lullaby-esque piano melody. That’s what we’ve got with this one.

Now, a lot of the time the soundtracks for the Twilight Saga would add a song or three to their lists depending on the country, the edition, the purchase location, etc. (This is my own version of giving myself a Free Space.) For Twilight, I gift you two bonus tracks:

This Is For Keeps — The Spill Canvas

The One Fell Swoop album by The Spill Canvas was a Twilight-era staple for myself and a lot of people who were in their mid-to-late teens during Twilight’s release. I mean, listen to the song. The lyrics, the melody, the mood. It’s like the song was a collab with Stephenie Meyer herself. (And with it’s release in 2005, the same year of Twilight’s publication, who really knows...)

Monsters — Matchbook Romance

I know it’s another mid-00 song. I know this is supposed to be a ‘modern take’ on the soundtrack. I know, I get it. This song is only added just because I was really bummed about 15 Step by Radiohead being left out of the actual Twilight Soundtrack back in the day. Like, how are you going to have them play during the credits and not supply us with it on the soundtrack? So here’s a slightly-harder rock jam that, lyrically, just screams paranormal banger.

#the twilight saga #twilight soundtrack #WHEW!!!#im honestly so excited about this #this is my favorite non fan fiction project I've completed in any fandom TO DATE!!!

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pffbts · 4 years

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(header by me)

―GENRE: fluff; angst.

―CHARACTERS: kim taehyung x female reader | special appearance: tannie.

―W.C: 1.8K

―AUTHOR`S NOTE: i`ve stopped writing for a long time (around 3 months), especially when it comes to longer pieces like this but it is the birthday of the love of my life. i couldn`t miss this opportunity to write something special for him even though i`m still busy with my college. i hope you who`ll be reading this, be happy and enjoy this little piece of my attempt at making a present for my love. a very happy new year to you guys and a very happy 24th to my winter bear, my love, my only one.

[00:01 AM] [the coolness still lurks even though warm beings surround someone calling it a new beginning]

―with the most curious and detective-like eyes, tannie stared at your face even though you were just lying there, on the wooden floor right beside the small fireplace taehyung has lit just for you. your eyes remained close but your instinct could catch the spark of curiosity shooting from the pet`s eyes.

you raise your arm in the air and with slight guess here and there find the furry head of tannie. digging your fingers right through his fur, you pamper him. tannie seemed to enjoy this because you have always been the type to caress his head as if he`s a human child and not just a dog.

“hmm, someone`s taking my spot.” taehyung`s deep voice booms through the room and a smile gives birth to itself on your mouth before you open your previously closed eyes. you lift up your head a little to find your best friend placing two red cups of cola and two big bowls of chips on the table in front of the couch a little far away from the fireplace. you were technically lying down in a place in-between the table and the fireplace with tannie now moving closer to your face and on his feet to attack you with his love licks.

“hmmm, someone`s jealous.” you bicker back, now holding tannie with both hands and rubbing his little nose with yours. “but i love my tannie the most, right?” you ask the doggo and he proceeds to move his face closer to your neck and just buries himself. maybe he got a little shy, you thought.

“of course, i`m jealous. i`m an honest person, you see.” taehyung says.

the exact word is blunt, too blunt, you corrected him in your head.

“what about the pizza?” you ask diverting his sudden confession.

“oh i`m heating it up right now,” taehyung points at the kitchen behind him while he now stands behind the couch. the walls of his house is too thick for your ears to hear the sound of the microvan being on, “by the way, are you planning to stay in? i can fix some blankets for you. it`s gotten quite cold these days―”

“nah i`m leaving after 10.” you stop him mid-sentence and answer him back with a curt voice.

taehyung`s previously lit up face lost its glow and he replied with just an “oh.”

“yeah, i feel really tired. i just came to meet you because i was in the town and you,” pointing your forefinger at your friend, you continued, “are never at home, dude. you`re like always out and about doing your own stuff.”

taehyung raises both of his hands above his head and accepts the defeat, “sorry, but my schedules been too tight these days. i can`t help it,” mid-words, he moves back into the kitchen to bring in the now heated pizza and places it quickly on the table, “because my boss will think i`m being lazy cause it`s winter now.”

you shift from your place on the floor. tannie proceeds to make himself at home on your lap but you shake your head at him and pick him up in your arms and move back to the other end of the couch while taehyung places himself on the opposite end of it.

“you know how i get lazy during winter, right?”

“yeah.” you hum back acting over-bored.

“what`s up with you? are you feeling okay?” taehyung leans a little closer and tries to probably decipher what`s going on in you, “oh wait, do you need a blanket? shoot! i should`ve brought a blanket―”

“taehyung, stop! i`m okay,” you laugh at him, “i`m wearing socks and tannie is here to warm me up.” you move your face closer to tannie`s face who is currently lying on your lap, “right tannie?”

you only get a woof for a reply whereas taehyung moves back to his place and bites onto a chip.

taehyung moved his eyes above to check the time and it read 10:15 PM. the human beside him has already made herself at home along with the dog who actually belongs to the same home.

“wasn`t she planning to go by 10?” taehyung wondered. “guess, she felt too tired and just fell asleep unconsciously.”

taehyung proceeded to move all the empty bowls from the table now, along with the cups and the empty pizza box. he cleaned the place around the couch a bit and brought in the warmest spare blanket he could find from his closet and covered you with it. the dog is currently on the carpeted floor, snoring softly along with you.

as he placed the blanket down your chin, taehyung`s eyes shifted onto your face. he was suddenly filled with an unknown warmth he couldn`t recall any time before this night. the calmness on your face, the way you slept with your mouth slightly open. taehyung giggled softly, his sound unheard. he moved the spare strand of your hair from your face and moved them over your forehead and poked the tip of your nose softly just to tease your unconscious self.

he could stay like this all night and nothing will change. in-between both of you there stands a big thin wall. some unrequited feelings and some unsaid words, taehyung sighed softly. right now everything that he did, every little gesture, every little action, everything came out into its mildest form. it was as if you`re the most sensitive thing in this world right at this moment. taehyung couldn`t differentiate if it was him who was being vulnerable right now or you.

he left the decision in fate`s hand. usually, he would be getting ready for his bed but he knows as 12`o clock hits, his phone is going to get flooded with texts from his parents, his siblings, his close friends and every associates. after all, it`s his birthday in a―on reflex, his head moves to look at the clock again―it`s almost 11:30 P.M now.

he sighs to himself and gets up from his crouched form beside the couch where you are currently sleeping peacefully.

he keeps only the dim light of the lamp beside the couch on while switching off all the others in the living room. taehyung moves into his room and walks a little faster to his bed, tiredness climbing onto him like a snake.

as his head hits his soft pillow, taehyung closes his eyes for a brief moment only to open them again and stare back at the dim ceiling now. he felt impatient and sad and also a bit disappointed with the fact that you must have forgotten his birthday. it wasn`t usual because since high school, you both have been away from each other a lot more times than ever. but you would always try to make it up to him by sending a text over the phone or like a late birthday gift along with the new year greetings in the mail.

obviously, when he saw you at his doorstep this afternoon with a big size pizza box and a large bottle of cola, he thought you must have come here to celebrate his birthday with him but sadly, you seemed distant today. he didn`t exactly blame you though because it`s sure been a long time since both of you been face to face with each other.

but he was still hoping for something. he was still hoping for that one moment to come while you both sat there eating your pizza that you would pull out a prank on him and wish him an early birthday. it even bothered him that you will probably regret sleeping in when you wake up next morning when you had initially decided to leave his house by 10 P.M.

heavy, undecided thoughts brought in tiredness that taehyung didn`t know he had inside him. further, this results in him dozing off in the dreamland not knowing what might happen next morning.

sure, it`s too cold these days. sure, he had a good blanket over his body but for some reason, he felt a lot warmer. no, not warm―hot, he was feeling extremely hot and especially around his shoulder region, to exactly point it out, the place right under his left ear.

accumulating with the hotness came a sudden heaviness, maybe it was the weight of the blanket that was making it uneasy for his chest to carry the heaviness―or wait, is tannie on top of him right now?

taehyung was about to open his eyes when he feels a human hand on top his right cheek―the hand was cold, small and soft.

“happy birthday, winter bear.”

taehyung`s eyes flew open in an instant and he finds half of your body dangling from the bed and half on top his chest, your nose against the side of his throat and your small giggles like lofi music in his ear.

maybe he was completely wrong again. maybe he keeps losing trust in you because of the fact that distance keeps coming in-between both of you and he just doesn`t know if you still see him as one of your good friends.

taehyung felt like crying as he moves his face towards his right only to catch that the digital clock read 00:01 AM. his face breaks into a smile as he ruffles the back of your head.

“you`re one minute late, beautiful.”

“stop flirting. let me sleep.” you mumble back, your voice still mingled with slumber. “oh and your gift is under your bed, it`s the tie you loved window shopping when we used to walk back home from school. i remembered the pattern, drew a rough sketch of it and sent it to the best store in my city so like i custom made it for you. wear it at my birthday, okay?”

“you did what―”

your forefinger flies on top of his mouth and remains there pressed against the creases as you drift off to sleep while taehyung pulls your hand away from his smiling mouth only to place a kiss above the cold knuckles of your hand.

fin.

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eri-blogs-life · 3 years

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Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth

This has definitely been one of the games that I played this year.

So I have... a lot of thoughts about Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth and I wanna talk about. These thoughts might not be super contiguous or all track logically, but honestly, that’s just kind of the same as the experience that I had playing Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth (I’ll just say CS for short going forward). CS is a good game, and I enjoyed my time with it a lot, but it also is a bit baffling at times and so it’s like... I like it, I had a good time with it mostly, but there are bits that made me just feel confusion as to whether I could actually call this a good game.

So... I’m gonna try organizing my thoughts here based on the game’s title to start, cause that seems like a fun way to start out with this writeup of my thoughts.

The Digimon

So, I’ve attempted to play through this game 3 times now. The first time, I picked up the version on PS4 second-hand from gamestop and made it maybe 4 chapters into the 20-chapter story before a better big game captured my attention. The second time, I bought the Complete Edition when it came out on Switch and attempted another playthrough. I think that time I made it 6 chapters in, but issues with the game’s difficulty and my bigger interest in other games that were out at the same time made me fall off of it. Lately, I’ve been on a kick of playing through really big JRPGs on the Switch, and I figured this was the time to really push my way through. But to do that, I had to find the fun. Because my previous times, I didn’t find it to be a ton of fun - the story was meh, the experience was extremely linear, the difficulty had weird spikes and valleys all around, and it just didn’t seem that fun. But I was recently watching a retrospective on the digimon franchise (shout out to Billiam on youtube for that if you’re interested), and while watching I came to the realization that the fun of digimon has always been different than in pokemon (the comparison to pokemon is, unfortunately, always inevitable when talking about digimon - the two were so closely intertwined in popular culture in america in the late 90s / early 00′s that it’s hard to deny there’s something to connect them)

Pokemon’s about catching them all. Digimon’s about raising a partner. Digimon started as a tamogatchi brand marketed towards boys, with cool monsters you could fight with each other. The fun of digimon has always been seeing your partner(s) grow and become new forms. And that’s where I finally found the fun in Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth.

The fun is in bonding. I found out in my second playthrough how to nickname digimon, and that became my go-to when I would get a new digimon on my team in this playthrough. Every digimon had a nickname. Early on I had a team consisting of Willis, Stinky, Specty, Babby, Evil Babby, Big Bird, Tomato, Axey, and Beedril. Over time, I got to watch these fools grow - Willis from a Terriermon into a Gallantmon CM, Stinky from a Guilmon into a Diaboromon, Specty got fused with someone called Shellby and went from Specty the Patamon to Shellspecty the Cherrymon, Babby fused with Big Bird and the two ended up as an Aeroveedramon, and so on.

The fun of the game was in watching as these monsters I’d bonded with became stronger and changed into new and different forms. And that was the fun of the game for most of the early game for me, and continued throughout the game, mostly.

Ultimately, the game has some weird difficulty spikes at times, especially in some of the sidequests, which feel nearly impossible. I ended up focusing heavily on trying to find all my digimon final forms that had penetrating moves (moves which ignore the enemy’s defense or intelligence when calculating damage), because a lot of the game’s main story bosses are heavily focused on having high defense, and relatively low HP. So, that meant that I couldn’t just use all my favorite digimon. Some just didn’t have what it takes to hold up against certain fights, and I had to move them away from forms I really liked to try to find them stronger forms so I could complete the sidequests. It was still entertaining to play, and did have me continuing to see my digimon grow over time and we bonded, but it also felt a bit lackluster that some favorite mega-level forms just didn’t have what it took to deal with some of the late-game sidequests (at least in hard difficulty, which I played through on - thankfully you can change the difficulty during a playthrough, so I could have dropped it to try to do the sidequests, but I didn’t opt to do that. I just still haven’t beat all the sidequests, instead focusing on the main quest).

the game doesn’t have a lot of animated cutscenes but those it does have come out strong

The Story

CS’s story is... fine. I think it’s probably a decently good story that’s just told confusingly. And I think there’s a couple reasons for that, but one of the biggest is that the translation is not the best. It’s passable, but it doesn’t always feel like things were translated in a holistic way to the whole game, rather it feels like each line was translated on its own, which leads to things feeling like they don’t all track together naturally at times, and a bunch of mistakes like the Eaters being referred to as Bakemon (a digimon name), because in Japanese they’re referred to sometimes as bakemono, which is just the Japanese word for a monster.

The other big issue I feel I have with the story of CS is that it feels like it’s all over the place, at least early on. Early on in the game, the story starts to set up a lot of different characters and plot threads that don’t seem to really connect with each other until much later in the game. That kind of story can be told well, but in this case, I just feel like the execution left a lot to be desired. For a long time, it felt like I was just playing through a bunch of different unrelated stories rather than a singular story. I’m not sure exactly what would be the right way to implement the idea to help keep the early game’s story interesting, but as it is, it felt a little lackluster.

However, that really only applies to the early game. And the late game, though in a bit of a different way. Around chapter 8 out of 20, the story starts popping off, and the individual stories concerning all the side characters start coming together to reveal the bigger picture of what’s been happening in Tokyo and Eden lately, and what issues that’s leading to in both the real and digital worlds. And from about chapter 8 through 19 or so, it feels really good and strong and there’s a clear singular direction that the story is taking, and every new piece of information seems to feed into the major plot in some way.

And then as you get into the last chapter, things start to feel a little less narratively tied together again. See, yes, the mysteries were building into a singular situation that was threatening both the real and digital worlds, but the game feels like it lacks a narrative throughline, or even multiple narrative throughlines for each major character. It feels like there’s no moral being focused on here, rather, it feels like there’s just a series of events that happen because it would be cool to have them happen. And they were cool. But... to really make a story feel good to me, I feel like there needs to be some sense of a complete narrative moral, and I just didn’t feel that way from this game. The closest I could tell was one line from the ending,

“You will now be the master of your own future.”

But... that feels weak. It didn’t feel like being able to control their own future was much of a theme for any of the main characters, except maybe Arata. And even then, it was a pretty weak theme. (I suppose an argument could be made that the game’s very linear story means your character doesn’t have a lot of freedom from a gameplay perspective, so the gameplay supports you not having control over your future, but... that’s a pretty weak argument.)

So, the story is interesting, but it’s also pretty weak.

fusion evolution is apparently gay as hell and i love it

The Cyber Sleuthing

There’s not really any actual sleuthing in this game. It’s really just a narrative device to give your character a reason to help out with a variety of random situations. You very rarely, if ever, have to actually solve mysteries/puzzles during your journey. So... not much actual sleuthing. But the greater mystery of the story does get really interesting in the mid game, so I’ll give it that.

Other stuff

Here, I just wanna talk about some other miscellaneous thoughts I have about this game, and then kinda sum it all up.

I loved Persona 5. It was a wonderful game, and such a powerful turn-based JRPG, that it’s influenced my perception of basically every JRPG I’ve played since. And it feels weird to do that. Like I feel like CS is a really decent game taken on its own, but when I’m comparing everything in some way to Persona 5, CS feels like it sucks. Like there are so many aspects where I can see ways to improve upon the game - the translation is lacking, there’s no english dub, combat is fairly smooth but Persona’s combat always feels like it’s a puzzle to be solved but CS’s combat feels like it’s just ‘have the right type digimon in play’, add more social elements to let me grow closer to Yuuko, Nokia, Arata, and other characters.

There’s this narration near the end of the game to explain how things change after the big final boss battle, and it’s narrated by one of the in-game characters, Nokia. And it’s amazing, because Nokia’s character can be kinda... ditzy, I guess is the right word? So there are parts in that bit of narration where she’s just like “and, you know... stuff changed” or whatever. It’s both funny, and leaves things fairly up to the player to have their own interpretations for what happens with everyone after things are over. There’s some small scenes after that narration that show some of what the main cast has been up to since the events of the final battle, but nothing that gives too much of a clue as to what happened.

----

There is a running gag throughout the whole game about how your mentor character likes experimenting with coffee, making weird blends like adding red bean paste or seaweed to her coffee, and she loves pushing this on other people who often react in horror. But there’s also this really nice scene in the finale where it shows the main character, without Kyoko around, drinking mayo coffee, and I think it’s just cute as heck

There’s a canon nonbinary character in the game, who complains about being forced to choose between either a male or female avatar when logging into the online system, and I absolutely love that kinda shit <3

My favorite status effect is one called Dot, where it converts your digimon into a sprite form and prevents them from using special attacks. And I love when JRPGs add fun unique statuses like this, which make sense within the context of the world

In Summary

So, to tie it all together, here’s my final thoughts:

I enjoyed my time with Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth a ton. But I’m a fan of digimon and jrpgs. I think the game has its fair share of problems that mean I couldn’t really recommend it to just anyone, but if you like digimon and jrpgs, it’s worth picking up. And the complete edition comes with two games for the price of one, so all the better.

#so in summary it's got some flaws but i really enjoyed my time with the game #so now i gotta figure out which big game i'm gonna play next - i've done fe:3h and tales of vesperia recently #i might do the sidequel to CS called hacker's memory next but i'm also considering like ...#replaying pokemon swsh now that it's been awhile since they came out. i was really disappointed with them the first time #so maybe i'd like them better now? and the dlc looks like it might actually be good so...#we'll see #i also still need to get back to dragon quest 11 sometime and finish that up #i also haven't really finished octopath traveler or tokyo mirage sessions fe yet #then there's also bug fables which i played the first chapter or so of and definitely want to get back to at some point #eri blogs games #digimon #digimon story cyber sleuth

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