#I mean i really dont!! know anything!! im in highschool i know less than the basics!!! but i lovee the basics so much it makes my heart hurt

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

ok so...we all saw the flurry of Bandom Racism discussion happening. and i have...thoughts.

i know this is late, in theory because i wanted to get my thoughts together, but honestly mainly because i didnt know what to say, so part of me was annoyed that i felt obligated to say anything at all. bc im not nearly as active in bandom as my blog probably makes it look, i didnt learn 90% of the Lore until september and all of that i learned from mcrblr. im new! i dont know about any of this! much less about the racism. so...why am i expected to talk about it? what is there for me to say?

...and over the past few days, its slowly sunk in for me that thats exactly the point.

of COURSE i dont see the racism in the fandom, or know what to say about it. because either none of the other white liberal fans in my circle do, or we just... dont talk about it. and i think when we do know, we dont talk about it, because we feel like its not our place. we dont know what to say, and especially if we feel like we had any hand in it, we're... embarassed? i know i am. and like...i hesitate to list examples, because i dont want to come across as self flagellating. one, because its got to be annoying for people of color, and two, because...i dunno. i dont want to make other white people think thats whats required, to be anti racist? because i think thats one of the assumptions we're laboring under, like...we've created this environment of really aggressive Discourse, so when it comes to racism, and unpacking our own...we talk in really vague terms, we never get past the "UwU!!! Dont Be Racist!!!!" PSAs because naming our own transgressions means admitting to wrongdoing, which is embarassing at the best of times, but in the very spaces we've created, generally being found out as Doing Something Wrong means getting jumped on by other white people for the purpose of their own moral preening so no one will suspect them of the same. so...why willingly subject yourself to that? especially if whatever you have to say, whatever it is in your behaviour you want to discuss, may be triggering to people of color. simply not mentioning it feels like the better - and safer - option.

but...thats what leads to us not knowing enough about all this to feel confident talking about it in the first place.

i dunno. last week, im one of the people who looked right at that piece of art with franks rising sun tattoo, and went... "huh. hey, theres that tattoo he got covered up because it was offensive. i should look into that. ...anyway, cool art!" and hit reblog.

and like...once people started talking about it, (theres one specific post, forget who its by, someone talking about mcrs history with anti asian racism, great post thank you for making it) i felt...bad? but i also felt kinda defensive. in thinking back on it, i was like..."well, im glad to know that now. but dude im not familiar with his tattoos. i kind of assumed what i was looking at was the covered up version where its sort of peeking through. idk it was a watercolor it was kinda garbled. i wont blame myself for not thinking any harder than that."

and then i was like... okay but. if im honest with myself, thats still bad. because it doesnt matter, since i probably wouldve reblogged it anyway, just assuming it was for the sake of photo accuracy or what have you...because i still didnt fucking know or care what the rising sun flag was.

which was the whole point.

because if i HAD. if i HAD done my research when id first heard about it, months ago, i would have recognized that art for what it was and treated it with the wide berth it deserved and avoided it regardless of my knowledge of his stupid fucking tattoo. but i didnt, for a host of reasons. mainly executive dysfunction, general stress in my personal life (nunya bidness) and...if im being honest? i just didnt want to, because...i hate self teaching. i have adhd. i was homeschooled, it was really traumatic, i flunked all of highschool and had to get a GED. my reading comprehension and attention span are piss poor. so i didn't feel like looking into it. i didnt feel like giving myself a whole impromptu history lesson. i opened one wiki page and instantly got overwhelmed.

but thats also the point. because all those reasons for not doing my due diligence and reading up on why asian fans are so pressed about the rising sun tattoo? or why black fans want nothing to do with 21p? the same shit probably applies to them! they don't feel like doing it either, we just give them no choice until eventually they make giant ass posts, comprehensive, easy to digest, step by step posts, for the express purpose of doing what we all refuse to do.

and, again, theres that feeling of guilt. guilt and shame, because im admitting to this, and because i know how reading this is gonna make other white fans feel, because i just went through the exact same set of feelings, and its uncomfortable as hell. so i can only imagine how fans of color have felt.

im not making this to browbeat white fans, or to self flagellate to fans of color. this isnt a soap box or a confession booth. im just.. talking. so lets talk. im gonna be honest, i still havent done real research into the rising sun flag. im literally just now looking at the wikipedia page for imperial japan, which i just now opened, and i still feel just as overwhelmed. (does anyone have good material on learning about this? if i find any, ill post it in reblogs.)

but...yeah. this isnt an UwU!!! Dont Be Racist!!!! PSA. this is uhhhh...We're All A Little Racist, Lets Talk About It So We Wont Be. an open letter, i guess. cause we're doing and saying racist shit, intentionally or unintentionally, whether we realize it or admit it or not, and i think the majority of you who have read this far are, like me, mainly doing so through inaction. and i think the more we ignore that, the worse this feeling will get. so...lets stop ignoring it. i know we all just did exactly that, i saw it happen, i was part of it, i get the reasons why. but its delaying the inevitable, and more importantly, we're hurting other people because of it. so...lets just get it over with, it cant be any more embarassing than burying our heads in the sand.

#finnposting #bandom #racism #bandom racism #mcr #my chemical romance #gerard way #frank iero #ray toro #mikey way #fob #fall out boy #patrick stump #pete wentz #joe trohman #andy hurley

[burning-sol]

didnt watch wednesday when it was the thing on here, but i did watch it today because i had some suspicions about a video that came up and yeah. people dont have any media literacy </3

"oh no they brought up social media" yeah, and? compared to other shows wednesday actually does a really good job with it. it doesnt feel dated nor does it feel in your face, its well balanced.

"why is the school of outcasts not nicer to each other?" were you not paying attention. yes the point is that they SHOULD be nice to each other. this isnt an error it was a choice of writing.

"why are they giving the child and parent conflict. i understand why for narrative reasons but theyre meant to be a good family" did u miss the part where they ARE a good family. wednesday was just being a teenager the family clearly loves each other very much.

"omg wednesday brought up the patriarchy ermm doesnt she know people can just choose to be nice?" yes, the point is that she made a comment widely detached from the reality of the situation because she is bad at understanding others.

listen i dont know anything about the addams family, so i cant give commentary on that. but damn people will really be out here picking apart shows for things they completely misinterpreted. anyways things i have been liking about it so far

i am very not intelligent so perhaps this isnt my place to comment but i really like the mystery so far. i like how everything has been flowing into each other, nothing feels too sudden and is progressing at a steady rate. very cool.

although this is a show set in highschool, the way characters interact with each other feels very refreshing. its probably less realistic than real life actually, because characters open up with one another and communicate clearly, so you cant even be like "ermm why dont they talk to each other??" its subtle but i think its really subversive in its own way

tying into the previous point, all the characters have felt well rounded. each of them have some level of intruige around them and there's never any person where i roll my eyes like "oh no its THEM" i really like the cast all around.

wednesday is a great character. i mean. some people will find her annoying. but she is very intruiging to me. if i met her in real life i would wanna be friends with her. i like every time she starts talking about any of her interests im like girlll i soooo get u yess its time to disect animals

the character conflict that i find most annoying is that the other characters dont rlly understand wednesday, but thats probably the point. i am just neurodivergent so when i see her i go ooohhh yeah absolutely. why dont these other guys get this get her a guillotine she is soo bored

the set design is SO hdjsbdjsjsisns its so much its too nuch i love it. wednesday and enid's room fills me with delight every time i lay eyes on it. sooo good.

and can i just give a shout out to EUGENE my boy what a freak but a cool freak bring him back

#📚 my posts #📌 thoughts #i feel like we need to kill media criticism sometimes #like umm actually i hate viewing art as just a product many people put their minds and labour into that #so you could have the fucking decency to treat it as more than something u can pick apart shot by shot #it is 100x easier to be a little hater than it is to see the good in every piece of art u see

[autisticiyami]

crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room filled with rats. th

LISTEN TO MY AUTISM-INDUCED HEADCANONS BOY. i think about him a criminal amount i have his entire life planned out to fit with that ososan repainted idea i never did anything with that goes along with 80skun. do u see the vision. no? well ill show u. welcom to my freaking twisted evil mind. rant incoming.

also im gona be hopefully updating this semi-frequently as i draw more stuff and actually feel like explaining stuff. this post will be my Iyami Autism Diary now.

i dont have specific sources on any of these rn bc im writing this on my computer and also bc its probably something i saw once and didnt bother to save or anthing so. bear with me here.

-baby iyami. loveless child. born by a mother who always knew she would be better off without him and sharing the sibling moniker with an unironic sociopath older brother. emotionally neglected and naturally socially inept due to autism, along with like.. looking like that. you know he was torn to shred by everyone. japanese kids are RUTHLESS his entire elementary/middle school experience was getting his face dragged across the concrete and his lunch money stolen. i imagine he starts to become rlly jaded and outwardly mean as a defense mechanism in like 2nd/3rd grade, finally realizing that this shit isnt all sunshines and rainbows lil bro and that no one likes him. he went to school with both honkan and kaoru, honkan he would always get into scuffles with but kaoru was like the only kid that ever genuinely attempted to be nice to iyami. read: attempted. because iyami has bpd at the ripe age of 7 and a half and screams at him whenever hes around for no reason other than that hes really scared of him being a genuinely kind person. hes a fucked up kid in a fucked up situation surrounded by nothing but apathy and misunderstanding of how he works and thinks and wants. the scar on his face comes from an incident with his older brother who i imagine got so mad at him one time that he chased iyami around with a knife threatening to slit his throat open. luckily (or probably more unluckily) he just sliced the side of his face open. that was the first and last time that iyamis mother actually worried for him. and by "worried" i mean get mad at both of them for fucking around like that and then not taking iyami to get stitches because "he'd be fine."

-iyami's highschool experience is. slightly less horrific. mostly because hes kinda just accepted that everyone in the whole world hates him and at some point realized he should just live out of spite to piss everyone else off. he never really had any career dreams mostly since the only career he realistically could have was wage slave in the city, which would be like sending him to death row for him. due to his autism and prolonged abuse from all sides, hes become kind of an expert at knowing how people work, though he doesnt necessarily understand any of it. he realizes that he would much rather be a backpeddler on the streets than a corporate slave, so when hes kicked out at like 16/17 for being literally just a curseon his mother at that point hes right out there trying to charm his way into any way to make money. first couple years were difficult, i imagine he just. didnt finish highschool due to being homeless immediately. he always had a kickass sense of style though, and maybe bc he was younger he managed to pull off charm much more successfully. honestly i dont have too many any specific ideas ab this era sowwy... bc it kinda just exists as "the part before chibita" which speaking of

-his twenties and thirties is spent like the exact same way. like the autism is strong in this one hes very content with just being the worst. but thats only because he literally sees no other way for him to live because its all hes been offered to do by life. quite fucked up! but that leaves him with a great optimism and positive "nothing in life matters!!!!" attitude. i actuallyyyyy dont know exactly how to span this next part.... but i was thinking that he met chibita when the kid was around 6 and iyami was 30. iyami just kind of... adopts him? as a weird sort of nephew. but at the same time iyami is in a perpetual state of childishness so sometimes chibita is like the parent/uncle to iyami. theyre so strange. but speaking of iyamis childishness Yeah theres some side effects of prolonged neglect and trauma since first memory surprisingly!! iyami kind of aged backwards, having to mature early to try and protect himself and keep some level of sanity, he was never really treated like a kid especially not by mother and brother or even other kids. now that he's an actual adult his brain has sort of flipped over, now stuck in a weird area of feigning immaturity in every situation that isnt immediately "life-threatening" in his eyes. all that to say that iyami is agere and is basically regressed somewhat at all times and it just varies depending on the situation.

but yeah this era. a couple years after meeting chibita he ships himself off to the city suddenly hoping to be able to make something happen there Kind of an early mid-life crisis moment. and boy it is not great! this part is where i dump the rest of trauma on him but you dont get to hear that. something something tougou's crime ring. after like a bit under a year he ends up coming back and... HOLY FUCK IS THAT A REFERENCE TO THE FIRST EPISODE OF OSOMATSU-KUN 1988??? you bet your sorry ass it is. im literally so smart they shouldve hired me to make ososan dude.

-osokun '88 era happens ig?? his old situationship behated kaoru is a cop now apparently and he's stationed right in iyami territory. quite awkward! kaoru doesnt particularly like him 1 because like. cop/criminal dichotomy first of all. 2 because iyami was a cunt to him and honkan for seemingly no reason their entire childhood and 3 iyami seems to have a really weird complex of being mean and hating kaoru currently but also obviously going out of his way to get in kaoru's way. quite immature! i explained why that is though. kaoru in his infinite sweetnes though eventually just kinda feels bad for the dude because its kinda just pathetic at this point and also because he DOES know that iyami is actually a super cute sweet guy because there was one (1) time where as a kid iyami let his guard down around kaoru and played with him at his house after school just to be completely ripped to shreds literally and figuaratively by his classmates the next day when kaoru was acting super friendly with him and iyami just kinda blamed him for it for like 20 years. VERY pathetic! but he was like 9 dude. kaoru understands this and kinda just... lets iyami wreak havoc more than he would other people partly bc he still thinks hes pretty silly.

i have a whole big episode idea of the two getting together and probably hundreds of headcanons and ideas about the two together but tbh?? im gonna spare you and keep it as paraphrased as i can manage for both of our sanities. but watch me go back and edit this post or make a new one just infodumping ab everything about them.

but like yeah ig events happen. hey do u remember iyami's "daughter" who is actually his niece because there is no fucking way in any reality that this guy has procreated?? well she comes in sometime around here becasue her father (still an untreated aspd) kind of doesnt give a shit and neither does her whore mother and they choose to dump their kid off with uncle iyami for the summers now. yay!! i also have a lot of headcanons and stuff ab her (her name is hiyori btw) but thats for another post.

iyami's family turns into basically him, his husband, and his two (sometimes three) (some not actually legit) (and one is gone when it isnt the summer) neicephews. isnt that awsome??? i cry and scream and throw up just thinking about it. sometimes iyami is the nephew but thats awesome. sometimes a family can be some gay man and an orphan that is his husband's nephew and his husband's actual niece, his husband's lesbian best friend that is basically an aunt at this point, and his husband who is sometimes also his nephew/child because of cptsd and they are all autistic. truly beautiful stuff.

and yeah thats. that. like i said i'll be updating this with better explanations of stuff and hopefully actual art But this works for now!!!! no one wanted this but the world got it anyway. you can thank me later.

#my art #osomatsu kun #osomatsu kun 1989 #iyami #kaoiya #this might be my worst post yet #my headcanons #long post #like so long #lore dump #ig?? #i dont actually care if anyone sees this btw #like i said its my diary now so idgaf!!

[mihai-florescu]

I could see you as Anne Boleyn honestly that's pretty fitting. I wish I could've done musicals at my high school but they always did ones I was not at all familiar with and they basically only gave the main roles to the top 2 year groups. The one time I actually auditioned for Rock of Ages I got a character that literally wasn't even mentioned in the script and that pissed me off because I literally chose drama as my one of main subject for exams so I dropped it like a week later. It didn't help my friend got a lead role and never acknowledged me the entire time on the day we got our roles announced. I didn't mean to rant but honestly I'd love to do acting and stuff more if it didn't involve the stress of not getting a role you want.

That sounds shitty, im sorry, and your friend ignoring you is ://// my school back home didnt have extracurriculars and when i moved to the US...well...they also didnt have much. Just sports (and i have stories about that too...) and they were trying really hard to revive the theatre program but.......the school had less than 80 students. In rural midwest. No one was interested in theatre... it was baaad. But the fact that they chose the tumblr popular musical bmc... i cannot stress how funny it was but i dont want to doxx too much about the school. All im gonna say is they had tried deh the year prior but didnt have the proper rights to perform it💀 weird ass unreal time in my life, i refused to believe it was real at the time and looking back i still think i was in a bizarre truman show situation or perhaps a social experiment i failed. The school's name was also incredibly funny in this context but youre just gonna have to imagine it.

Anyway. So i cant say i have actual drama experience either. I cant stress how many things ive done in life just because i thought theyd be funny, but also because funny situations show themselves to me. Or i do things out of spite. I dont even think i can sing, personally. But thats not something you can say after you told everyone you performed for the president of your country earlier that year (which was true, there are still photos of us together. I could write a novel about that day because so much happened. But i also dont know how i got there. At all times i could turn to an imaginary camera, record freeze, and say "you're probably wondering how i got here" because honestly i was wondering too).

What im trying to say is highschool is fun because literally nothing matters so you can do anything, even with a small role or bad card youve been dealt im sure you can always steal the show👍if you ever decide to take drama class again^_^

#ask #niicookie #the world bends at the will of a silly guy. dont you forget that

[ankhisms]

oh actually now that ive posted the edit of those scenes heres my final thoughts on that drama in general

my general distaste with the shows plot and its mindset still remains the same, halfway through editing the scenes together i started to go "well maybe im being a little too harsh, the protagonist is a sweet character who i like and im rooting for, maybe the show is going to address the issues i have" but nope! almost immediately after thinking that the show was like dont forget if you dont wear makeup and dont try to be conventionally attractive you will be ALONE FOREVER and there was a scene at the ending where its a year later and the main character encounters a girl whos wearing the same kind of outfit she was wearing in the beginning of the show with the same haircut and she goes "you can change if you want to (:" and im gonna be honest with you if i bumped into someone in an airport or a subway station and they looked at me and went "oh you poor thing :( dont worry if you want to try and be less ugly you can! you can change and be pretty" i would rip their face off. in fact i have had similar things happen to me but thats besides the point anyway thats just an example of my biggest issue with the show and its plot/mindset, aside from the obvious obnoxious heterosexual drama weirdness

but anyway onto what we all really care about. i said this before when i first tried to actually watch this show (for the record i basically spedran watching the episodes for my edit i had it on fast speed to get to where fuwaris scenes where and then clipped them so i did see all of it but really fast) it would have been a MUCH better much more actually interesting show if fuwari was the main character. even just as a side character shes far more of an interesting character than the rest of the main characters its like yeah yeah whatever love triangle can you guys move over i want to see what fuwari is up to. it couldve been a much better show if it was centered around her and about her encouraging her niece to come out of her shell and enjoy her life. also i do not want to be mean when i say this because you all know im an actor i try to not be too harsh when it comes to younger or less experienced actors performances in things im watching, but well. i liked the protagonist and her performance she was fun. but really ryon is acting circles around everyone else in the cast which makes sense but everyone else is so stiff and not as convincing as he is which again. fuwari really is the best part of this show i can not emphasize that enough. thats why i made this edit. the show is not worth watching i promise you

also as a disclaimer i know im not the target audience of this show, its target audience is high school girls but i would have been its target audience in the past and honestly it makes me sad to think of a young girl who like myself in highschool would have been described as "an ugly poison mushroom" watching the show and thinking that she has to completely change everything about herself in order to be loved or liked in any way. it just breaks my heart yknow. like the protagonist is fine in the beginning!!! she looks perfectly fine!!! she does not have to change anything about herself she is already worthy of love! ok enough ranting

anyway tldr dont watch that show its not good. ryons performance was predictably very good because hes an excellent actor. hope you all appreciate all my fighting in the trenches to create this gift unto you all i am wildly bisexual

[midnightmisadventures]

Pt 2 (alpha drugs me)

Lmao no but seriously, then him and the guy were trying to explain it but they were saying it works like an edible but you have to pump it in and its slightly painful but worth it but itll take up to two hours to kick in and they had taken theres and blah blah

bottom line i wanted to be high. so i said go for it papi. Lol but no i don't exactly remember but i think he put it in my arm and it hurt like a shot but less and then he took it out...like he was just showing me what its like. But then his friend was like "no alpha you have to pump it for it to work" and he was like yea i know, so he put it in again and like pumped this liquid into me for a few seconds and took it out. No blood or anything. But i was a little weary that i would get a double dose of whatever this was. But if i trusted them that it was weed or at least weed adjacent i was like i think itll be fine.

So then yea whatever.....time passes. Its christmas of coursee. But it was so very odd. I was in this dream for a long time and i kept thinking "omg tonight is christmas eve" but we would never open presents and then the next night would come and i would be like...okay maybe tonight is christmas eve? mustve been wrong. But then it happened again, and i was so utterly confused.

I check the calendar finally and its dec 27th about to be 28th but no one thought it was weird we hadnt opened presents or acknowledged christmas. I kept wanting to speak up and say "guys its past christmas day i dont understand whats going on" but then i saw something briefly that basically said that christmas was on the 28th and that it was like a thanksgiving "last thursday" vibe and i felt stupid for feeling like christmas is always on the 25th. Idk it was weird.

Suddenly though it was two hours later, the drugs had kicked in but it was so gradual and subtle as it set in. But i was just hazy and laughy and realized i needed to keep it together in front of my fam. I wasnt sure where alpha was but phee knew i took it and came over to me and was like "hey how ya feelin arie" wink wink and i was like im gooooooood, all good. Kicked in and everything.

Um......so now the vibe is we're traveling in a sprinter like tour and we stopped and were eating somewhere that was giving camp caf vibes. And alpha was sitting with a group of guys and i was sitting with none other than sally dar griffin lmao. A cutie, and we were looking over at the guys and she was like "alpha's soo hot, he's been all over me lately" and i was not angry or jealous but not willing to be quiet and share my side. Mainly bc i needed her to know we had history and that we didnt just meet eachother like all these other people.

So i start saying, alpha and i go way back into highschool. We liked eachother and flirted with eachother all the time. I was trying to be quiet so it was awkward bc i really didnt want alpha to over hear. So i was like "walk with me to the soda fountain" and at the soda fountain i told her as much as i could about us in like 30 seconds. Like bubble blowing, sexual intimidation at our lockers, sexy jacket zipups, i even talked about lenina and was like even when he got a girlfriend he was still into me and i was like this secret and all this shit.

So then she was like damn, but i wrapped it up with like, "he was my number 1 crush all throughout hs so like he means a lot to me" and she was saying yea and kinda like ......go for it.

And then for the first time in the dream i thought about Liam, and wanted to say something like "yea but i dont wanna get into anything with him bc i have a guy i really like/ i dont need attention for him i know the guy i wanna be with" but didnt bc....i wasnt sure it was worth it and i did plan on pursuing alpha.

So then, especially since we were so close and cuddly the other night i wanted to spend more time with him because it had felt so good. But i wasnt in any mood to chase or be weird.

Cause then of course theres this other bitch, her name was like amaro? or amareo? and i know what ur thinking. But i didnt see much of a connection.

*liam just responded again 4:19am*

Anyways, amaro was rich her family owned a music festival like her parents were the founders of a popular festival. We were taking a long drive and she sat next to alpha and was flirting with him for so long and they were laughing and talking and i was like ughhhh, how'd this bitch swoop in like wtf i thought i was in the clear.

So then we got off at one place and was at this gas station, we all got drinks/snacks and were going back to the sprinter. And i was planning to try to sit next to alpha for this next leg. We get to the car and our directors tell us to sit on a particular side filing in, which worked in my favor cause now i had an excuse to take her seat. I'm first in line, i go to her spot in the last row and i see in her seat she had period bled allllll into it. And it was kinda gross and it smelled, meanwhile i turn around to try to take the seat in front of me and shes taking that one so now im backed into this corner and shes bout to get away with blaming it on me. I was torn because ew? but also shes a girl and i understand and i felt bad, but also i didnt want to sit there it wasnt clean and we were leaving and she wasnt there?? so i sat in the middle and....honestly idk what happened.

[zombabiee]

I am curious but im so 50/50 on him because of what will happen in the future. If he asks me out I want to say yes but do I wanna say yes because I’m curious or do I want spite him in thinking I would say no? I wonder if they’ve spoken about me. Its still so weird for me to understand that im being seen for what feels like the first time ever. Ive been so social this year and I just want to delete my media because im so embarrassed being alive and real and having feelings. Will I subconsciously fool myself in thinking I could make him jealous. his homeboy seems nice and im just overthinking like crazy. im honestly such an idiot and want a distraction but i just wish it could have been any other person than his homeboy to be interested in me. why me? he probably doesn’t like me all that much anyway so I shouldn’t even be too worried about that but what it he does or later decides to do so? I was so used to him not wanting to speak to me at all but we’d text often, i was only there when he wanted it. So it further made me think that I could be cared less about in that way, i was nothing more than just pity. right? And I found myself liking him and being attached to that even knowing all this info. And now his main homie seems interested in me it just takes me aback because I feel like im not seen at all or im just something to be judged at or looked at in only one type of way. Im scared to say yes because ive never experienced any romances ever and that whole ordeal just made me feel so iffy about relationships and all that stuff because im so innocent and inexperienced. Ik im not completely stupid because even then the people who have experienced doesn’t make them experts/wise(idk what word imtrying to use for this but I get what I mean and I hope u do too) but its the fact they’ve gone through stuff is what makes me envious, whether it be good or bad, because in my eyes i see that as growth. I feel like I haven’t gone through anything major up until this year?? and I just feel like its never going to be enough and I will never be enough. Im so scared and not ready and its just much easier to feel sorry for yourself and hate yourself because of how many years ive been doing it that its only gone worse. Despite it all I like having a sense of humor about it because its like “ur so pathetic lol”………… its funny too because I’ll just rant and rant in my notes app and the min I stop the feelings just go away and im back to doing my same routine for that last 6 weeks……. I hope he doesn’t go through with it I rlly rather him not tell me anything but I just don’t want to say no to him. He been loosing weight too and im certain im one of his motivations and that would just be so crushing to be told no. (i mean it would take him on a revenge journey just like him but I really dont want that) tbh him loosing the weight has inspired me too because how quickly hes doing it and it makes me want to be competitive in a way. Idk if its me feeling bitter because hes doing it so healthy and ive been choosing self destructive options but hey atleast im hearing and seeing (just on the scale tbh) results. (I love to see it physically :( but i just cant) i just wish it wasnt him tbh. and Im not saying I wish it was the guy I originally liked but i want the attention of somebody who wasn’t connected to highschool or him. Something completely new because i just think it would make it less weird for me and I honestly shouldn’t have to be overthinking this much right? i wish the normie guy could have picked me he would of solved all my problems, as shitty as it sounds but i would of love molding him to my liking and changing him for the better, he for sure would of dropped me but ig its for the better because I never stood a chance compared to all those other girls in his following. why cant the people i want want me? im so fucking naive jfc

#rant 1 #rant #3 am thoughts #overthinking

[teeforhee]

okay so because of u know the whole ~pandemic~ thing, exams are being done differently this year and the way my specific mathematics teacher is doing it is by having us sit two full assessments and then taking the higher grade of the two and calling that our grade. so we've just got the estimated marks back for the first one, could go up or down by about 3~, a bit more than 3%, and the next one is in about a week and uhhhh. well. to out this plainly my overall score was 91% on the first assessment so. well. I'm wondering if I should ask my teacher to use the second assessment periods as study periods for my other classes where I'm getting way less or if I should be trying extra hard to reach 97% or something.

#mostly just happy that i don't have to take this class again i can do the harder one next year. i think i would actually drop out from #boredom if i had to take this one again. might be nice to figure out why the fuck indicies work Like That but otherwise #my teacher was really worried that I'd have to take this class again bcus i wouldnt pass or wouldn't pass well cos u know #my dad died and i took like 3 months to become nocturnal and contemplate existential anxieties in the woods and didnt do any classwork #for that time so i missed a lot but less than i wouldve missed any other year since a lot of that was catchup for lockdown stuff #overall? I've been SUPER lucky. cant wait to do harder shit next year tho. I JUST REALLY LOVE CIRCLES AND INFINITY OKAY. #watching vihart at age 7 really did rewire my brain permenantly. thank you my liege for my most useful special interest. #second most useful being atomic chemistry #gd..... cries thinking about atoms..... #hello my name is griffin my special interests are science and abstract mathematics. i was diagnosed at 15. wuushshdjwishdbdnuahdhs #i say atomic chemistry cause that makes me INSANE with joy but its really all chemistry. more absteact stuff than practical but #I love knowing facts too. i love rules most but actual specific facts and examples are cool too. so it's really All Chemistry just atomic #stuff is my favourite. sorry for uhhh All This I just <3 feel bad talking about liking academia. it works for my brain!! rote learning and #tests and abstracts and lectures w/notetaking work for my brain!! im just lucky and autistic but still most of my friends are nd in ways #that make academia Not Work At All. which makes it like #mean and rude to go to my friends being failed by the system and say FUCK YES GOT 91% SCIENCE IS SO GOOD #i spent like 4 hours infodumping to someone about science and quadratics and trig n shit and honestly didnt realise how much #i had in my head about this until i got to explain it to an outsider. i feel like i know Nothing but then i can talk for hours abt it #u wanna hear me go wacky insane ask me about uprising as an abuse allegory or about anything chemistry #I mean i really dont!! know anything!! im in highschool i know less than the basics!!! but i lovee the basics so much it makes my heart hurt #thank u for reading. All This ahdgsgjdhegsjjdbshsjhd #microdosing on socialising by making a very long rambly tumblr post #mine #school tw #tw school #ask to tag im SO sorry for bragging i just needed to Talk abt it

[dateamonster]

if anyones curious, heres a big ol list of anime horror ive enjoyed that dont revolve entirely around cute children being harmed for shock:

paranoia agent: an awesome single-season show thats perfect to binge-watch imo. it follows the interwoven stories of several victims of the phantom figure known as shonen bat who takes the form of a child in rollerskates and attacks strangers with his beat up baseball bat. the only thing that seems to connect these victims is that they are visited by him in a moment of absolute desperation, and somehow their lives seem to improve after being attacked. to say anything else would ruin the mystery. give it a shot. this series owns and the intro music is iconic.

perfect blue: i feel like everyone who likes animated horror already knows about perfect blue but if not, you absolutely should. a suspense heavy, brain-breaking thriller about an ex-pop-idol who quits to become an actress, only to be haunted by a mirror version of herself who is less than happy with her decision. her grasp on reality starts to slip as the pressures of her new job and a string of violent murders slowly chip away at her sanity. definitely mind the content warnings for this one.

yamishibai: an anthology series of short scary stories presented with fun, simplistic animation. every episode is fairly short iirc so its very easy to just plow through the whole series. especially good if ur the type to enjoy a classic ghost story.

serial experiments lain: sort of hard to explain. this is another like Classic. it is about a highschool girl so i am sort of breaking my own rules here but like the vibe is entirely different then what you might expect. its a trippy, deeply weird series from 1998 about the ways technology may begin to encroach on our lives and shape our identity. i really love older media that speculates about the ways our relationship with tech might develop in the future. if you like scifi and psychological aspects to your horror, you will probably like this.

pet shop of horrors: i havent actually seen the anime so i dont know how well it holds up but i was obsessed with the manga as a Youth and id recommend at least giving the series a look. anthology-like with a connecting thread of a spooky pet shop where rare exotic and sometimes deadly creatures are sold.

lily c.a.t.: its alien except its not. scifi horror about the crew and passengers of a spaceship whos interstellar journey is thrown off course by a shape-shifting alien invader. literally if you like alien or the thing or anything like that, this is that but animated. i think the strongest thing about this one isnt necessarily the horror of the alien itself but the horror of being stranded, far from home and trapped in a confined space with a bunch of near strangers and a massive yawning void just outside your window. there are some moments in lily cat that just made me think about how huge and unforgiving not only space but the passage of time is and im honestly still a little freaked.

akira: i mean, obviously. i dont know what i could say about this that hasnt already been said except this is the movie that made me start getting into body horror. its beautiful, its horrific, its a fucking staple of dystopia fiction. i guess you could argue its more scifi/action than traditional horror in a lot of ways, but some of the stuff near the end (that i def saw when i was too young to be watching this) taught me a whole new definition of fear so. do with that what u will i guess.

there are a couple more i cant remember the names of right now so ill come back to this if my brain ever decides to start working again. almost all of these contain some really heavy subjects so be careful and seek out content warnings if you need to.

also i dont really care about subs vs dubs arguments but a lot of these are on the slightly older side and as a result some of the english voice acting work is... not great. either way do what feels right to you just keep that in mind.

#horror #recs #recommendations #anime

[compassionatereminders]

I know you had to go through something similar with this, but at a younger age,

but im 23 and in college and honestly i love being in school but the work load just feels like its getting even harder and i just lack the motivation to read all the material because it just overwhelms me and i rather do it on my own time at a more slower pace. And i know doing that will start to really effect my grades if I don't buckle down and read it myself but its getting rather hard for me to do just that. School in itself just keeps me stressed and I've had crying sessions and breakdowns because I feel so overwhelmed.

I know I can do it if i can do it at a more leisure pace, but deadlines feel like they're too cose together and just rushing and doing assignments on the day it's due won't help me for long.

I notcied last sememster i did ok and even passed my classes but at the same time im not registering essential information. Im trying to find all the short cuts i can to swim on by by going online and finding straight answers to quiz questions instead of using my books for open book quizes. (And the books itself i hardely read) I even temporarily paid for coursehero because i noticed it had the exact answers for the quizes for some of my classes. And i feel i would have to do it again.

Idk i just have this huge mental exhaustion and stress because i just want college to be over with. It's not exciting to me as much as before. When I was in person it was somewhat fun but after going straight online it feels like its worse for me. And although the online class set up should be easy since it's set up in parts (two classes in one half of the semester. Two clases in the lase half) taking four classes still feels like too much even though im only focusing on two at a time essential.

I talked about it with my therapist when i had a chance but i don't think she was lisenting to me when she read my journal entry and my own explination on my thoughts on being in college. Everyine thinks i can do it and i just feel so pressured. So very pressured to be able to ace this. Something that use to be way more eassier in highschool before i got diagonised with schizoaffective disorder. I don't want to fail them and they always always say i can do it but i dont feel confident enough i can. I feel im only doing this to make them proud but college in itself just makes me want to cry and cry. I just dont have the confidence to try and attempt and try and learn something- but it feels like i learned nothing. I want to make them pround and i do know for a fact dropping out doesnt mean im a failure, but it feels that way so much because they think i have the means to do it. But staying and feeling this way isn't helping me. And i guess im just that bad a communicating these thought to them that ny therapist just gave me a schedule to help study better but i just can't follow through with it at all. I know she means well, but sometimes i have an inkling i have to drop out and consider being on disability for long term than what i currently have now.

Idk. When you had to drop out of school did you ever feel anything similar? Was it a hard decision to make and was it easy to bring up with your family and therapist, if you had one during that time?

For me it was a painful decision to drop out of school, but it wasn't a hard one - cause at that point I couldn't continue to push through no matter how much I wanted to. It also helped that my family was really supportive and respected my decision immediately. That being said, it's only on rare occasions that you actually have to choose between full time studying and dropping out of school. In many cases, dropping some classes or asking for extensions, tutoring and other accommodations can make it possible for struggling people to push through and finish their education. So I definitely encourage you to look into less final solutions than dropping out.

#chat with kat

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello, maybe you coukd give me some tips. I send you that ask already but it means ght be deleted by tumblr and it was all messy and ugly.

So I have one childhood friend, we used to do everything together till highschool. Often she was my only friend, like now. We slowly started to distance from each other sonce she has a boyfriend. For all those years I did my best to accept him and all, told myself that duh she is not obliged to spent time only with me even in situation when she spent less and less time with me. Sometime I had a bit trouble to fully accept bf because sometime when they argued she was venting to me and I felt like his is hurting her but she refused to break up with him. Boy eas very insecure, no friends and so on and one day around graduating junior hight school she wanted to break up with him but he said something like he is gonna hurt himself if she will, or just drop out the school. So she wanted to wait at least until he graduate, but she waited longer. Then just after we graduated hightschool she broke up with him like she had enought. It was prolly a mistake but after she vent I said one or two things about him concerning past events and I said 'wow finally'. After a while they made up and she said she just missend him. I promissed mtself I will never comment whatever she tell me about them, unless in a good way.

Well... the point is that I am probably jellous, that she doesnt want to spent time with me anymore. Alway if I ask her out I give her to eventually pick the date, if nit today then maybe tomorrow etc y know introvert way :D And im trying to save this friendship? She is not the person busy 24/7, unless maybe when she is in uni or we count playing games as being busy. I play games too sometime.

Sometime it seems like she tries to avoid me and dont want to tell me anything. One day I was talking to her in cafee and she was just fidgeting with her phone. She didnt even like heck the socialmedia, just switching between random (system?) folders on the phone. When I asked abt it why she doesnt listen, she said she wanted to do sth but forgot what. Another time I havent seen her for months and she alway soent holidays 1 month her bf comes to her (he lives abroad already I guess) and I dont want to disturb them of feel like third wheel and the other month she come to him. So like week before she pnanned to go I asked her to go out next day. She said she cant. So asked another day, she answered : but I go to my bf. So I surprised that its that soon and sad I missed the oportunity: oh really? When? She: on Friday me: but its Monday(?)(no answer) so...? She: ught I know ;;; but lately I dont really feel like going anywhere :(

Well... maybe I'm childish but I felt sad.

I'm also jellous that they even celebrate each others bdays altought she never do that bc of religious reasons and I've always respected that.

Once I asked her what is with us, we barely talk for last few years and I feel like she is avoiding me. She had no Idea what I was talking about, she felt like everything was the same.

I was told to not have much hope or expectations toward her bu maybe try to text her or maybe arrange a meeting once in a while and try not to become bitter.

The other one sait that that how adulthood looks like, we become busier with private issues and so on and I may act childish and selfish, but as far as I know except for time she go to uni or to her bf she is not that busy, definitely not that busy not to have time to meet with me more than once in a whole year (or none) when we live ~20min apart by foot. I dont want to be burden to anyone or feel like third wheel so I dunno what to do. I have problem with finding friends, she was my only one friend (?) for years. I dont trust ppl easly

I wanted to do more things together outside since we both used to or still do soent too much time on the computer but well... you know, together is easier.

Since I have to do it on my own maybe you have some ideas? Thats stupid wuestion I guess since you dont know my environment. Jogging and biking wont work I guess since I dont have proper bike. I wanted to plant some flowers but I was afraid I screw everything up since im kida kid who grow up in the bubble and Im not sure how to do basics and nobody wanted to help me and its too late already... Walk is fine but I prefer places far from road and since I'm not supposed to go to the forest that I love I dont have many spots to go.

I am sorry for long post. Any even tiny help would be appreaciated. I hope thats not much of the problem, have a nice day or night :)

-PineconeAnon

I do think that it's time for you to let go of the friendship. I know that's hard to do but people grow apart and that's okay. It's okay. You'll be able to make better relationships and move forward but you have to learn to let go and keep walking forward. It sounds like you're holding onto this friendship because you want to keep going on like it's the past but...

It doesn't work like that. Change happens. It hurts sometimes but it's not a bad thing. You can reflect on this with time and learn how to be able to accept it. You need someone that wants to hang out with you and relax with you. It's not childish to be upset but it's important to see when people just... don't have time for you anymore and feelings change.

It just seems like you both have a fundamental misunderstanding and if you can't talk that through, then it's not working. You can try to talk about it but it seems like it'd be better to just let go. She doesn't think there's something wrong but you do. If you feel stress around her instead of friendship, it's not great.

But, that's up to you, you know? You decide your relationships what you want them to be.

I don't really have great advice for making friends as an adult. I'm not exactly going out and interacting with people. I can suggest finding a new set of friends online by joining Discords and interacting with the fandoms you're in because that's how I've made friends. It's easier to do that if you're anxious about making friends outside.

Try new hobbies. Take a deep breath. If you want to garden, try it out. You're not going to be perfect the first time. It's a learning process at anything and you have to just try. You don't get to live it if you don't try. You have to consider your limits and reflect on what is going to be the easiest thing to try.

It's never too late.

Try to start small and work your way up.

#pinecone anon #ask #mod kait

[jazajas]

okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

#love victor spoilers #love victor #love simon #simon vs the homosapiens agenda #leah on the offbeat #simon spier #bram greenfeld #victor salazar #felix weston #jas rambles #i have opinions #and i am very tired #just like in general #like my current state of being #although i am tired of straight being constantly shoved down the thoughts of lgbtq+ people #and like the state of the world because people are bigoted a-holes #but like #it's nice that they upped the airing because they didn't want to conlfict with juneteenth #although now im questioning motives on why #was is out of support? or the want if making money #who knows #i sure dont #i hoped there aren't too many grammatical errors

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Comparing RWBY and YGO DM: The Handling and Evolution of Themes

Hey! Its been a hot minute since I last posted anything RWBY-related but Im laying in my bed right now and Im sick and bored so I guess we're doing this. Today I will do my best to analyze what I percieve to be the main themes and messages of both of these shows, or more specifically, how theyre handled narratively. Im mostly focusing on that part because, while these series do have similar themes and messaging, they are still a few things in which they are wildly different. And with that, lets start with this essay-post-thing!

1. Theres something we need to adress first

Okay so, before we can really talk about this, theres something I feel the need to clarify here: Neither of these stories was "planned from the beginning".

Now, I dont think a story being planned from the beginning or not nesscessarily makes the story any better or worse by default, however, it is still important to acknowledge because the way the story is planned is going to affect every facet of it. Things are not going to be foreshadowed properly, things are gonna be set up only for nothing to come of it, the story might drastically change directions, characters might act differently, etc, etc.

And, this is bit off-topic but, it's much better to just admit that the story was not planned than trying to pretend that it was. Like, there are a lot of reasons why I tend to be so forgiving towards YGO even though its not very good, but one of them is definitely the fact that, as far as Im aware atleast, the guy who wrote it isnt pretending to have had this big master plan all along and neither is the fandom. With RWBY on the other hand... yeaaaah, its kinda the opposite. From what Ive seen of RWBYs fandom, there seems to be this pretty popular narrative that everything was planned even though it clearly wasnt. Thats pretty bad and honestly lowers my opinion of the writers so much more than if they would just admit to not having a proper plan.

Like, I initially consumed YGO like this: Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh (aka Season 0), like, a quarter of the Yu-Gi-Oh manga (I still havent finished it)

In all three of these we have the character of Yami Yuugi, or just Yami. Broadly speaking, he is an ancient egyptian gamer spirit who lives in a magical puzzle that has not been solved for 3000 years until this highschooler named Yuugi Mutou comes along and solves it, thus setting him free and allowing him to possess Yuugi and have access to the vague magical powers of the puzzle.

In Duel Monsters he's perfectly fine most of time, morally speaking. There is an instance of him almost murdering a guy and its a bit unclear what exactly happens to those he mindcrushes but overall he's very much a pretty good guy. In Season 0 most of what he does is set up these games for bad people, where they will go insane no matter what they do. From how I understand this whole Shadow Game, Penalty Game stuff, if you lose a Shadow Game, you get violent and intense hallucinations and you will always cuz yknow, gamer spirit. But if you try to cheat, which most of the bad people do in this show, you get violent and intense hallucinations as a punishment.

Since the two anime are generally considered two different continuities, its perfectly fine that Yamis characterization is wildly different in both of them. But in the manga both of these characterizations appear, basically one after the other with no real arc or consequences, for that matter. Why is that? Simply put, someone thought it was a good idea to try to turn an episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror manga into a more traditional, more plot-driven battle shounen. From what Ive heard, it was apparently largely because of network interference or something, but the point is, it changed directions incredibly drastically with little planning and everyone knows this and I can understand that for the most part.

In RWBY we have the character of Blake Belladonna, who, in the first 3 volumes/seasons atleast, was this aloof, more toned down loner-type character with a pretty strong sense of justice. She's an in-universe marginilized racial minority and she clearly cares about racial injustice. The way its initially framed makes it seem like she had a very hard life and no stable support system, which is what eventually pushed her to join a Civil Rights group/Terrorist organization (good god, the Faunus subplot is so awful, I could write a whole essay about it but Im already de-railing rn so I'll just save that for later).

Then, in volumes 4-5 it turns out her father is actually like, the mayor or chief of this island-place called Menagerie and she grew up in this big mansion with multiple guards/servants. Oh and also, apparently "space is a commodity" on there, so theres that. She still retains large parts of her personality but she's kinda like, worse somehow I think. I cant really describe it in a meaningful way but I hope you get what Im saying anyway. Then in Volume 6 she confronted her emotional abuser Adam (sorry for not mentioning him sooner but yeah, he was like, her abusive boyfriend, which is something that a lot of people disagree with but I wont really say anything about it either way because I dont really feel any specific way) with her friend, Yang, and ended up killing him.

After all that, she pretty much lost the rest of her personality, as well as her arc about all the Faunus stuff. She just kinda became the meek, generically nice, recovering abuse victim. Why? Well, the actual reason is that they didnt plan out shit and are just kinda flying by the seat of their oversized clown-pants and if they and the fandom just admitted it, I would have less of an issue. I still wouldnt be as forgiving towards RWBY as I am towards YGO because the crux of the issue, for me, is just that I dont particulary like RWBY but also like. Do you really expect me to take MKEK seriously as writers after admitting to not have a timeline because iT wOuLd CaUsE pLoThOlEs?

However, since they want us to believe that everything was planned out from the beginning, the explaination would be.... Idk, they deliberately butchered one of their main characters?? Because.. they hate her?? Maybe????

So yeah, that was quite a detour however, I would like you to keep this mind going forward.

2. Themes of the Early Series'

First, what do mean by 'Early Series' for both of these shows respectively? Well, for YGO that would have to be Season 0 or if youre reading the manga, everything pre-Duelist Kingdom. Basically, the part of the series thats a episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror series.

For RWBY that would be the first three Volumes, also known as the Poser-Era. Back then it was just kinda an action series that took place at Anime Warrior Academy (also known as Beacon) with some pretty bare minimum worldbuilding, character-driven plots and developments but now its more of an epic high-fantasy story with more of an emphasis on plot as opposed to just action.

The themes and messages in Early YGO are kinda vague, very confusing to me and if you were to follow any of it literally that would be pretty bad. For now Im just gonna say the main themes are Friendship and Identity and mostly focus on the Identity aspect.

Now, it took me a little while to figure out RWBYs deal but I think the main themes for Volumes 1-3 are also Friendship and Heroism. Once again, I'll mostly focus on Heroism and touch on Friendship more briefly later.

I dont have much more to add to YGOs themes right now, so I'll briefly go over Heroism in RWBY.

In RWBYs setting there are these man-eating monsters called Grimm that have basically infected the planet. In order to deal with that, they have people called huntsmen and huntresses that kill them and protect people. Theyre trained at special academies like Beacon and go on missions there and stuff like that. Our four main characters, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and Yang, are training to become huntresses and one day they go on this mission to clean up a grimm infested city block with one of their teachers. Obviously, that takes a long time so they have to camp out in one of the empty houses. Weiss, Blake and Yang cant sleep because theyve been thinking about this question that their teacher asked them when they were fighting grimm: "Why do you want to become a huntress?"

They have a heart to heart and we find out about their motivations; Weiss wants to bring honour back to her family, Blake want to distance herself from the White Fang (that terrorist organization I mentioned earlier) and as an extension from Adam, Yang wants to have a life of adventure. They also talk about why Ruby wants to be a huntress and it turns out that she judt wants to help people. Unlike the others, she has no motivation besides that. We're meant to listen to that and look at her as a sort-of personification of Heroism: kind, but not naive, strong and most of all, selfless. The others on her team are not portayed as bad for not being like Ruby by any means but we are clearly meant to admire her the most out of all of them.

Okay, now comes the part Ive been looking forward to the most:

3. How did these themes evolve in the Modern Series'?

Alright, before we can really delve into the way they evolved in YGO I'll have to give you a brief summary of the character progression. At the start of DM, during the Duelist Kingdom arc, Yami Yuugi is just that; A darker Yuugi. Hes more confident, bolder, his voice is deeper, hes somehow taller, more ruthless, all that good stuff. Notably, he doesnt actually seem more skilled than Yuugi even at the start of this story, but he's still dependent on Yami. Yami on the other hand, has no identity of his own or even hints at one at this point. He's just The Other Yuugi.

Then during the Battle City arc, they find out that Yami was actually a pharao prior to being sealed in the puzzle, he just didnt know because of amnesia, I guess. So now they need to find out his real name and then send him to the afterlife because hes meant to be dead, but not before saving the world from being swallowed by darkness, which is also a thing they have to do now.

Then we finally get to the Memory World arc, where Yami, Yuugi and the rest of the gang astralproject to ancient egypt via puzzle magic. Yami is trying to figure out what the hell is going on and who all these familiar people are, while Yuugi & Co are trying their best to help him. Then some weird shit happens and it turns out that all of that is not just Yamis sealed away memories, but also a giant D&D Shadow Game that will destroy the world if Yami loses. So now theres Pharao!Yami who is still clueless on the metaphorical and literal playing field and Player!Yami, who is kinda controlling himself now? I guess?? Yamis opponent, The Spirit of The Ring, has something similar to that going on where hes both controlling and properly participating in the game. So Player!Yami is now fighting against Player!TSoTR, Pharao!Yami is now fighting against Thief King Bakura (who is like, the human, ancient egyptian version of the Ring Spirit) and Yuugi is now fighting against Yami Bakura (who is like, the human, modern japanese version of the Ring Spirit). Yuugi gets Yamis real name, he and the gang go over to Pharao!Yami and tell him his name, meanwhile Player!Yami is also somehow helping as well and they defeat the Ring Spirit, thus saving the world. Then they travel to modern Egypt, the Ceremonial Duel happens and Yuugi wins, sending Yami to the Afterlife where he can finally rest and that was the series!

I originally wanted to recount the stuff that was going on with the Ring Spirit and his host as well because they parallel eachother, but this summary is already far too long and I think youll get the point without me needing to explain any more.

My point here is, that the story went from being vaguely about Identity, maybe? to being very clearly about Self-Discovery and Learning to Be Independent. I think this is a very good way to evolve the messaging of your story. How does RWBY track on that?

Well, uh... its not great. I will acknowledge that they have tried to introduce new themes and ideas since, even though I wont really be talking about them in this post. But yeah, the whole Heroism thing really regressed.

Like, I didnt explicitly say it when I was explaining grimm earlier, but theyre not going away. The grimm have always been there and people who sign up to become huntsmen and huntresses are effectively signing up for a job that will never truly be done, no matter what they do. Characters like Ruby and even more minor ones like Phyrrah have shown us that that doesnt matter when youre a hero. No life isnt worth saving, no grimm isnt worth killing, no criminal isnt worth arresting. Then, in volume 6 they find out about Salem. Salem is the Big Bad of the show, shes immortal, controls the grimm and is supposed to be very powerful.

What do our heroes do? They give up. Sike! They were just mindcontrolled by monsters or some shit, of course they didnt give up their mission (which is to bring an Important Macguffin to a city called Atlas, sorry I didnt mention it)!

But then they arrive in Atlas (which is llike, a city thats floating over another city called Mantle) and yknow, they do some plot stuff thats not really important right now until the city gets invaded by Salem and this big grimm army she has.

What do our heroes do? Well, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and some side characters are chilling, drinking tea in a mansion and Yang and the B Team were actually trying to do something, but even those efforts seem incredibly minimal.

Oh wait, I also forgot to mention that Ironwood (a fairly minor, vaguely antagonistic character up until now) wanted to lift Atlas even higher to save Atleasian civilians from danger while leaving Mantle vulnerable to Salems invasion.

What would be the most heroic thing to do?

A) Let Ironwood lift Atlas, get as much support as they can down to Mantle and save as many Mantle civilians as they can from the invasion

B) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas but then split up in order to protect both Atlas and Mantle civilians

C) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas and then dont do anything else

Congrats! If you choose C, you think exactly like the writers!

And I just

This is so mindboggling to me, I feel like I shouldnt even have explain how this is bad. And like, it wouldve been so easy to actually make them seem herokc through their actions, to make it seem like they did try but no.

I have never seen a central theme be this botched, how in the world did they do that? Why did they think it was a good idea for Ruby "The Embodiment of Heroism" Rose to sit in a mansion doing nothing, no planning, no organizing just ..... God, how are they this bad? Like, this doesnt even have anything to do with it being planned in any way, this is just straight up incompetence

4. Very briefly touching on friendship

The friendship is awful and its not solely because they all have the same opinions. They barely interact with eachother outside their designated pairs which leads to it all feeling incredibly hollow. Theyre also practically indistingushable from one another now, which is a shame because it wasnt always like that. Like, I dont think the characters were that well-developed in earlier volumes but they were very well-characterized. But now we've gotten to a point where you can literally copy and paste one characters dialogue onto another and literally nothing changes, it really sucks.

5. Some closing words

Damn, this took way longer than I thought it would and now Im pretty exhausted. I have no idea how yall always write these but props to you! I feel like this ended up a bit rambly but overall, Im pretty proud.

Please let me know what you think of the points I brought up! Id also really appreciate some tips on how to get better at these longer posts because I am planning on writing more in the future (not the near future, probably but yknow).

Thats all I have to say for now, thanks for reading!

#rwde #rwby critism #anti mkek #yu gi oh #ygo duel monsters #yu gi oh analasis

[bowlegsandgrace]

rant

I am much more aware (although still pretty dense at times) when it comes to knowing what people think of me. Made amends with m cousin a little mover a month ago. We had a falling out 2 yrs ago and havent spoken since (although she tried to reach out about a year ago but I wasnt having it). And in her eagerness to make amends she’s been inviting me over a lot. Like a LOT. To the point she gave me her spare key (without me asking or in any way implying that I wanted a key). And I know how over zealous I get in friendships. Thinking its deeper than the other person thinks. 

Told a friend Id known all through out highschool I wanted to come visit her one weekend (a classmate/quasi friend in college was going up that way and knew I had friends in the area and offered me a ride) and she was fine with it until a day before when she realized I expected to sleep in her dorm room. She snapped at me and said I couldnt just invite myself over to stay in her dorm room which...fair point. I shouldnt have ASSumed. Even though we seemed to have a fun time the last time she invited me to her school to hang out and spend the night. I just misunderstood our friendship which dies out pretty soon after. 

Even though Ive gotten better (I think) at this I still mess up. At this point I dont even have any friends. No meaningful relationships outside of family and those just feel like theyre being nice to me out of obligation. The only people who REALLY like me are a bunch of toddlers. But its alright. Most of the time it doesnt bother me. I just have to keep reminding myself that just bc people are nice to me doesnt mean they want to be friends. And I usually work enough so i dont have time to hang out or do anything anyways so its whatever. 

What gets me are people who push the relationship. And I think we could actually be friends. But then they get tired of it and realize they dont actually like spending time with me but instead of being honest with me theyll just make up lies. And I wish I could go back tot he days where I was oblivious to their intentions and just believed the lies. Now I can tell and it kills me everytime it happens. 

Back to my cousin. I think she’s reached that point where she’s grown tired of me. Even though i had a key I made sure never to go over unannounced. And I thought I was doing ok and we were having fun. But something just seemed off when we were hanging with her friends yesterday. She invited me but i dont think I was really wanted there. Today I managed to snag a freezer for her for a really good price and deiced to gift it to her for her bday which was a couple of days ago. I know she’s been wanting one bc Ive been helping her look for one. I called her after i picked it up to check of she was home and she seemed really annoyed i wouldnt tell her what it was bc I wanted it to be a surprise. She said she was about to head out to get something to eat so i decided to run some errands and kill some times. About 1.5 hrs later I asked her if she was back yet and she wasnt. So I went home to wait. Its been about 4 hrs now and I know she’s just forgotten about me or is ignoring me. I know she’ll text me in a few hours saying she fell asleep or something bc at that point she knows itll be late enough I wont come over. 

And I hate myself so falling for it all over again. I hate that Im just trying to be a good friend and she doesnt like it. Just tell me. Please. People ask why i always do things by myself and this is why. Its less painful. I go to the movies, concerts, dinners, etc by myself bc I can to what I want when I want without anyone criticizing my choices and making fun of me for what I like. I do thing by myself bc I dont expect anything of anyone so they cant disappoint me. My cousin keeps saying she’s going to come over and help me unpack but everytime she claims she’s sick. I had to take a day off of work tomorrow bc she insisted the only way she was going to come over was if it was first thing in the morning after she dropped her kid off at school. Even though Im home by 1:30 most days and her kid doesnt have to be picked up until 6pm the latest. And now she’s ignoring me so she’ll probably make up some excuse not to come over tomorrow meaning Ive taken a day off of work for nothing. 

#Ramblings #Rant #whatever

[safebubblebycyg]

pastel and the punk {a drarry highschool au}:

"hey gays" harry said casually, sitting down at the lunch table all of his friends were at. they always met in the cafeteria before school started so they could discuss who's house they were at after school and what diner to eat at. pansy rolled her eyes at him and waved as did the rest of his friends. around the table sat most of harry's friends: ron, hermione, ginny, luna, and pansy.

ron had on a simple white t-shirt with his signature leather jacket and ripped jeans and a beanie that covered some of his fiery red hair. hermiones outfit never altered and today was no different. she wore a cropped black sweater with a leather skirt and ripped leggings. ginny was leaned onto her girlfriend showing her all of the bracelets that covered her arms today. her fiery red hair showed that she was definitely rons sister. the girl wore a black hoodie and black jeans, but still wore white converse, she claimed it added "necessary contrast". luna, much like her girlfriend, also had multiple bracelets on her arms but also had a ring on almost every finger too. lunas blonde hair was tied into a messy bun and she had on a mint green tank top that said "lover girl". her black ripped jeans and black converse seemed to darken her look though. pansy had her signature black lipstick with a cropped dark green hoodie. she worn distressed black jeans and doc martins to tie it together. harry himself had on a gray t-shirt that said "gay and not okay" with a black denim jacket over it. he wore black ripped jeans and black on black converse.

his group liked black to say the least.

but the only person missing was blaise.

blaise had gone to pick up neville and his friends today. why, harry had no idea, but nonetheless it was a sweet gesture. harry groaned loudly and took rons phone and hermiones book.

"can i help you?" ron mumbled while reaching for his phone.

"you can tell me why the hell you all are so boring and look like someone pissed in your cheerios this morning" harry demanded, shoving rons phone into his pocket and hermiones book into his bag. he grabbed ginnys phone and the girl simply frowned.

"blaise isnt here. which means neville isnt here. which means we have no one to have light hearted conversation with. all we do is talk in fluent sarcasm and flirting" pansy spoke bluntly, shrugging after she stopped.

"and why exactly do we need light hearted conversation?" harry asked, annoyed.

"because if we let you talk itll sound like "oh, draco, my sweet precious dragon. how his grey eyes shine under the lighting of the sun and his porcelain skin is so warm and soft and how his platinum blonde locks curl so delicately. but we're just friends and i dont like him more than platonically, nooo" and everyone is sick of your swooning" ginny laughed. harrys face burned red and before he could retort, blaise arrived.

"are we making fun of harry??" he asked light-heartedly as he sat down and pulled neville into his lap who blushed. "i do love a good teasing sesh before class" he winked. blaise had on some clean white jeans and dark violet converse that matched the crop top he had on.

"blaise! stop being nasty!" draco gasped, sitting down in harrys lap, setting his bag on the floor. harry smiled and wrapped his arms around the blonde. "hi, harebare" he smiled, and spoke gently towards the raven haired. draco had on a soft, yellow sweater on and a flowy white skirt. he had a sunflower crown and yellow converse to match.

"hello, my dragon. have a good morning?" he spoke quietly, attempting to not let the group listen into his conversation with draco. his attempts failed as they all spoke in hushed whispers so they could eavesdrop onto the conversation.

"mhm, blaise payed for my morning hot chocolate and i managed to get in some studying for my chem test on the way here!" he giggled and took a sip of his drink, holding it out to harry who took a sip and smiled.

"you got caramel in it?" he laughed. draco always had quite the sweet tooth. draco blushed softly and nodded, sipping it again.

"MERLIN, DATE ALREADY" pansy shouted at the two. draco choked on his hot chocolate.

"pAnsy?!" draco squealed. the girl shrugged and dodged dracos slap with a laugh.

"as endearing as this is, can i have my phone back??" ron asked, "i was in the middle of a good game of flappy bird"

...

"HARRY!!" draco shouted across the hall, grabbing the attention of the emerald eyed boy. the lunch bell had just rung and harry was rather hangry but nonetheless he waited for the blonde. "sorry, mrs. sprout held our class back to clean up. can we sit outside today?" he scrambled out as he wrapped himself around harrys arm.

"of course, let's just grab everyone and then we can head out, yeah?" harry spoke, unconsciously pulling his arm closer to him to drag draco closer. the two walked to the cafeteria in comfortable silence and smiled upon seeing their friends at the door talking. "hey, outside today?" harry asked once they were within earshot. everyone nodded and headed outside to sit in the grass. harry sat down and patted his lap, inviting draco to sit, which he gladly took.

"draco? have you ever heard of a chair?? or the grass?? or any possible place to sit that isnt harrys lap?" blaise asked jokingly, his arm slung over nevilles shoulders. draco simply rolled his eyes.

"im not sitting on the ground in a skirt." he pouted.

"im sitting on the ground in a skirt" hermione retorted.

"well, you arent a pretty princess like me!" draco stated proudly. pansy wheezed.

"who gave you that idea?" the black haired girl seemed to be holding back a fit of laughter.

"harry." all hell broke loose.

"NO BLOODY WAY HARRY TOLD YOU THAT" ginny laughed out. hermione and pansy were rolling on the ground laughing, blaise was leaning on neville trying to catch his breathe in between laughs while the boy was giggling, and luna sat calmly a bright grin on her face as she watched her girlfriend smile and laugh.

"he did! and im quoting from chemistry today, "you know, you're the prettiest princess ive ever seen, dray. you've even got a crown! therefore, you've earned the prettiest princess title. princess dray"" draco beamed from harrys lap as the raven haired boy buried his head in his neck and sighed. once the group calmed down, pansy spoke.

"and this is why you two should date. it's like beauty and the beast!! i mean, according to harry you're already a princess. well, i suppose hes not quiet a beast..." pansy spoke thoughtfully with a light-hearted tone.

"pastel and the punk!" neville shouted proudly. everyone let put a soft laugh and nodded with approval.

"does that mean if you kiss him, he'll transform from a punk rock beast to a pastel prince??" ron piped in.

"guess, c'mon, stop writing a fairy tale about us" harry sighed.

"we'll stop shipping you two once you actually admit your undying love for each other" pansy laughed out, taking a bite of her sandwich.

"we dont have an undying love!"

...

"hi dray" harry spoke softly, wrapping his arms around dracos waist. draco turned away from his locker and wrapped his arms around the raven haired boys neck, burying his face into his chest. "what's got you all flustered now, hm?" harry's voice was gentle as he started to rub dracos back.

"i have something to ask you but im scared and blaise and neville said i should and that itd turn out fine but im still scared" draco stumbled out worriedly. harry paused for a second before carefully lifting dracos head up.

"well, how about you ask me on the way to the diner after school, my pretty prince? we can listen to taylor swift and have the windows rolled down if it makes you feel any better. i promise whatever you tell me wont change anything. now, c'mon, pansy will kill us if we're late" harry softly pulled away from the boy and adjusted his flower crown. draco smiled, less stressed about the whole ordeal and slung his bag over his shoulder. the two were about to walk away before they heard it.

"hey, malfoy! what's a freak like you doing with potter? trying to convert him, are you?" zacharias smith asked cockily, strutting up to the pair. harry whipped around, shoving draco behind his back. "oh, potter, please. you shouldn't be protecting the freak. hes just going to make you gay, like him. we dont need anymore freaks in the building. now move so i can beat the gay out of him- make him a little more normal" harry seemed to snap as he punched zacharias square in the jaw and right in the nose.

"another word out of you, smith, and you can bet every single ounce of money in your bank account that you will be expelled. i know too many people to let homophobic bitches like you go around picking on people weaker than them. now, scram! i dont want another peep from you unless it's an apology" and with that, harry took dracos hand and stormed off.

once they reached harrys car harry leaned against it and pulled draco to his chest, burying his nose into his hair.

"are you okay?" draco mumbled from his position tucked into harrys body. harry lazily nodded and sighed. he silently let go of the blonde and opened the passenger door of his mustang for him. draco got in silently and waited for harry to get in and start driving. once they were on the road, draco plugged his phone the aux, playing some taylor swift. he turned towards harry best he could in his seat and smiled nervously.

"im assuming the news cant be terrible if you're grinning, dray" harry laughed, keeping his focus on the road (be safe kiddos).

"okay well....i really, REALLY like you harry. like more than friends. way more than friends. like, i wanna kiss you so hard my lips are bright red, like you. like, i wanna cuddle you for a really long time and call you mine, like you..i promise it's okay if you dont feel the same! ive just been holding off telling you for a really long time bu-" harry cut draco off by placing a hand on his thigh, leaving the boy flustered.

"i like you a lot too, my dragon. id go as far to say i love you. so, so very much" harry smiled, pulling into the parking lot of the diner and smirking at draco. he leaned over and gave him a sweet kiss. "is this what they mean by opposites attract?"

"ugh, you're too cheesy"

"awe, you love me. be my boyfriend?"

"of course" draco beamed, kissing harry again. maybe pastel and the punk could work out after all.

all was well.

WOW okay this was kinda hard to write but whateva i kinda like it! and i really hope you did too!!

#harry potter #hogwarts #yer a wizard harry #draco is baby #boyfriend #harry x draco #draco malfoy #drarry #gay #fanfic

[rosykims]

ok so heres an obligatory twc/detective oc infodump since i was up til 2am last night feverishly thinking abt Her

(tho um disclaimer i literally have just started so i know less than nothing abt anything lol)

her name is beatrice maddox ! but her friends/the whole town just calls her triss. hearing her full name just makes her feel like shes in trouble Unless its ava saying it and then shes 😳😳😳😳

shes bi ! aaaaand nobody is surprised in the slightest lmao ! she dated bobby and im ..... considering doing the n/a love triangle route tho i kno nothing abt it. definitely going to end up w ava tho bc i cannae resist

tattoos. EVERYWHERE. a couple are meaningful, but for the most part??? absolutely nonesensical 🥰 her tattoos were very carefully chosen to represent and Symbolize that she is Cool and Bisexual and Hot. thats it ✊

her personality is.... ok im not gonna try with the whole canon stats thing but she's very cheerful ! in a sort of Cool and casual and lighthearted way. maybe a little too lighthearted, almost as if it maybe.... it was a little forced 👀

shes a realist as opposed to an optimist/pessimist , but she tends have an ironic/lighthearted sense of humour that makes her seem a lot more silly than she is i guess? in truth, outside of like surface level warmth and extroversion for the sake of saving face, shes actually very reserved and awkward. i mean, she IS genuinely a very warm person, but theres a lot of darkness she tends to keep very deep inside herself, that virtually nobody has ever rly seen from her. shes the type of person who's GREAT at like, first impressions and having dozens and dozens of amicable aquaintances, but she rly struggles to form close friendships bc shes quite aloof and eccentric, sometimes says stuff that makes her sound callous, keeps a LOT of secrets and... hates opening up to ppl authentically lol! for reasons i'll get into!

she progressed thru her education and career stuff really quickly mostly due to being a gifted child ! obviously tho that means she also has gifted child syndrome lol. while she still excels professionally and on the surface she seems very functional and cheery and put together, her personal life has rly suffered bc of burnout and anxiety nd whatnot. emotionally shes not at the same place as others her age and shes just. very caught up inside her own head i guess and has a LOT of trouble relating to others, tho she's aquaintances/friendly with most everyone in the town. longterm relationships are VERY hard for her.

so. im already editing canon lol which is very on brand for me and it might not work idk !!!! but my lore for her rn is when she was a child, like 8 or 9, she um witnessed a murder/a body being discarded in the woods. it REALLY fucked her up.obviously. she was a kid and alone at the time and when she got home she was so ????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿ abt it that she didnt tell her parents or let anybody know. at the time she still didnt rly understand what she saw, or at least didnt know how to handle situations like that bc literally Who would, but it still keeps her up at night, and shes still plagued by guilt and fear over it. the murder was never reported and nobody ever discovered anything, so sometimes she convinces herself that what she thinks she saw didnt actually happen ..... she rly doesnt know ! and it scared tf out of her !

that whole deal lead to her becoming uh quite morbid ! she was still a bright happy kid, but death sort of became like.... a n interest of hers, as well as criminals and finding out stuff. im still not sure if her focus is gonna be on detective work primarily or on science, ill maybe decide after my first playthru. anyway she never did anything that was like an actual red flag or anything xbxjsksms but she was just a Weird Girl growing up after that. she'd watch a LOT of true crime and read everything she could get her hands on and absolutely would have annoyed the shit out of all the detectives at the station.

speaking of annoying cops, shes also a reformed Rascal teenager. she was VERY rebellious as a kid, again mostly bc of Trauma, and was basically the loveable bane of wayhaven's existence for a good four years. again, she was mischievous but not in a malicious/dangerous way, but she definitely would have seen the inside of the station's jail cell a few times for like..idk. egging houses, graffiti, maybe weed idk ! just girly things! she ended up mellowing out soon afer highschool but shes still cool enough to have arm sleeve tattoos so u kno she still absolutely passes the vibe check

last point abt the murder but ! that event basically got repressed pretty quickly after it happened, she does not talk about it EVER, not to anybody. literally not a single person on earth knows what happened that day except her and the possibly-not-real-killer. and, while its sort of filed under the "Dont Consciously Think About This Ever" section of her brain, she obviously is haunted by it and has nightmares consistently, and its basically what inspired her to become a detective in the first place. bc its not so much about Seeing it that affected her so much as... not knowing who did it, not knowing what happened, and not being able to stop it. so much of her life after that was spent of Figuring Everything Out as like a coping mechanism, which obviously put a lot of pressure on her and strain on relationships, but it makes for great detectives lmao !

she is a hugely active person and needs constant mental simulation bc she genuinely hates quiet, and being left alone with her thoughts and memories. living alone sucks for her, so she usually has to play music as soon as she gets home, needs to go to sleep w music, needs to drive with music.... and driving is the worst. she sort of.... goes thru life feeling very ghostlike ! like shes living in a verh different world to everyone else. like shes waiting for something terrible to happen in every waking moment - its mostly practice that allows her to hide it with lightheartedness and jokes and deflective warmth, bc otherwise she'd go crazy !

i'll add more to this when i know more but if u read all of this i love you so much and you deserve a medal. im actually shocked im getting so into this already like i RLY didnt think i would

(ps her pinterest is a work in progress but it's here if anyones interested!)

#oc: triss #i love her so much already i love her so damn much #also i mentioned previously but her faceclaim in adelaide kane!!!!! #so like. bubbly but in a Hot way