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#I mean I know the answer is anxiety messing everything up lol but wow this low key sucks
golbrocklovely · 2 years
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since i was nicely asked to do so...
here are more of colby’s tweets from 2019.
i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.
if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.
if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol
added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted
~~~~~~~~~~~
July 4 - sometimes i take the stairs cause i don’t wanna see people in the elevator
July 6 - i jus wanna drink mikes hard with my bros
July 7 - *random girl comes up to us* “OMG I THINK I KNOW YOU GUYS, WHO ARE YOU!?” us: “Jack and Jack” “HAHAH I WISH” *runs away*
July 9 - i still have a fat crush on gwen stefani
July 10 - it only takes one thing to make me not interested anymore
July 11 - everything will come full circle sooner or later. law of attraction
i’m in every hot topic , send me a pic if you see me
July 13 - i’m a mess
July 18 - it’s hard to let people in
July 20 - kidney stones scare me like i don’t wanna piss out a rock
(the difference two days can make huh? sksks i hate him SO MUCH)
July 23 - i just had a terrible nightmare
July 25 - it’s never been the same after
July 26 - WHO CARES ABOUT PEOPLE WE HAVE DOGS
Aug. 3 - i could sleep forever if i wanted to
Aug. 8 - everyone talks shit in LA
@/mikes_dead: lmao who we fightin b
@/colbybrock: everyone
my anxiety has been through the roof this past few days .. but we’ll be fine i’m so excited !
Aug. 9 - do what you want just don’t lie to me .. i see right through it
self care, i’m treatin meeeeeee right
Aug. 11 - sam and colby vs. the world. we love you guys, never forget. #ChoiceYoutuber let’s go baby
(wow this feels like forever ago at this point)
WE THOUGHT THEY WERE KIDDING hahahaha only we would do that
Aug. 12 - life feels so surreal lately
Aug. 14 - everyone needs a day where you can just curl up in a ball and do NOTHING.
Aug. 17 - i used to to have 3 guinea pigs named Patch, Reno, and Taho they all died horrible deaths
(this man has brought this up multiple times over the years and has never explained what happened. WE NEED ANSWERS COLBERT)
i miss the middle school Warped Tour days
Aug. 19 - pretty sure my neighbors think i’m a crackhead
Aug. 20 - i don’t like who i was then
Aug. 23 - @/mikes_dead: Everyone pray for my boy @/ColbyBrock nothings wrong with him he just ugly
you just mad cause i spanked you in beer pong
Aug. 27 - you can find me on my balcony listening to music most late nights
Aug. 28 - Sam and I have been working for the past few years on this project that’s literally the reason we started social media. it’s finally almost here .. revamped and better than ever.
if you’ve ever felt alone, help is on the way i promise
ill pour my heart n soul out
Aug. 29 - need to escape
Sept. 1 - i’ve been watching joey graceffa puppy videos every day ngl
Sept. 2 - nothing lasts forever make it count
no one will have me like you had me
Sept. 4 - i just got tickled on live TV how’s your day goin
Sept. 6 - calvin klein x colby brock ?
Sept. 10 - i always have a random song playing in the back of my head
Sept. 13 - being yourself no matter what anyone thinks is so important
my friends have been tellin me i’ve got a big head… not sure why (with a pic of him surrounded by himself lol)
Sept. 18 - ALL BLACK ALWAYS
Sept. 23 - i’ve grown up so much over the past few years. 2015 me is someone i’d like to leave behind forever
(he really doesn't like his past self. i'm not sure why…)
Sept. 25 - i’m constantly having a mental battle of whether i wanna go workout or eat a chalupa
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hard-core-super-star · 5 months
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okay, they disturbed your sleep but they were hungry, so it's ok... I guess? always on the side of the cats ☝️ I mean, you could have gone to sleep and reply another time jehskakkdkw what eye rolls? 🙄 should I clarify for you then?
I- ummm😶 I'm going to start working my brain to have any chance against you in this case. EXCUSE ME?!?!?!? what kind of absurd accusation is this??? I'm not even going to answer that kind of thing which is complete nonsense, I can't even think of such a thing, absurd, It's the end of times. we nailed it again.
yeah, I think you're right, but you can always shine brighter with an incentive or maybe a reason. I- of course? 😶 what would you like to know or hear (read...) about this reason? It makes sense. if you had used the overthinking thing I wouldn't even have dared to leave the sentences unfinished. kshwjaksk thanks, tell me what you thought of the letter later. now I wonder, how is it for you to learn so many languages ​​with your memory hating you sometimes? 🤔 just to let you know, the research was completely canceled because calling you my goldfish would seem like I was making fun of you lmao, NOT that I would do that tho- exactly that, sometimes it's worth going through such pain because the reward later can be much better. you weren't kidding when you said that his poem doesn't leave your mind ksjskskak if we're talking about the.
WAIT, that's not what I meant!!! wowwow I won't mess with them then. what is your cats name? 🤔 I mean, I'll take your side, of course, but... the cats side-
the first fic I read of yours was “my ears fill with the sound of you kneeling” I LOVE this one. I can't help but like this fic, it's all so beautiful and I'm a sucker for it and everything about it, the feelings, the actions, the dialogues, I literally wouldn't expect that one day I would think I would get emotional about one person calling the other a puppy. (yes, it wasn't even your fault lol. my braincell is suffering, mainly because I'm very sleepy. I guess you'll have to tell me- also, goodnight!)
– 🌟
is it? my sleep schedule begs to differ. yeahhhh but then that means less time for us to talk because timezone differences. i knew you’d already be awake at my 5am so might as well. stop or you won't be getting that third star you seem to be so desperate for 👀 yeah, i think some clarification is needed.
you know, those umm’s count as unfinished sentences and we said we wouldn't do that anymore 👀 i think your reaction proves it's not as absurd as you're making it out to be. no one will judge you if you admit it, darling, this is a safe space.
you know, i think i can accept that argument. anything you want to tell me, it seems like quite a significant reason. you tell me this now??? i thought the overthinking thing was obvious with my constant rambles and mentions of anxiety lmao. oh, language learning can be both painful and extremely rewarding because of my horrible memory. it also sort of forces me to go outside the box and use things like music to help me learn/remember things. awww, is my little star trying to come up with a cute nickname for me? 🥹 the mere fact that you tried is enough for me. it sounds weird but sometimes even knowing such pain exists can be a reward. it can be a reminder that you're alive which can be a beautiful yet complicated mess. yeah, i wasn't kidding at all lmao.
riiight, so what did you mean then? the oldest one is blue because she has blue eyes and i wasn't too creative when i named her lmao and then the one with abandonment issues is beebo which…is a double reference and has a long story that goes with it 😶 but the cat’s side what? i dare you to finish that sentence.
oh wow, you got to read the best one first lmao. it's technically a smut fic but the hurt/comfort aspect jumped out at me and i had to make that the focus. once again, feelings over actions. plus, as we’ve established, kate bishop is in dire need of affection. the puppy thing has taken me by surprise too but i love it a lot more than i ever realized…which is why i snuck it into for your love. calling kate puppy is great, being called puppy? also great. [your braincell seems to be always suffering...is this a cry for help? i could but then my wish won't come true and we can't have that. good night but also good morning!]
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bibbawrites · 3 years
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Touch Me, Love Me - Alex Mercer x Willie SMUT (18+)
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Request: yes, there were too many to copy and paste so here are main highlights from ones that werent just “willex smut” -  Alex finally getting the courage to talk to Wille about wanting him to be more rough and then of course the smutty rough part. /  it’s their first time together but they have both had sex before /  Alex is the bottom and Willie the top / can they be vocal I can just imagine Willie be very loud / why is alex always the top i wanna see some whiny bottom alex 
Word Count: 1406 words
Summary: Alex finally works up the nerve to admit something to Willie and Willie is more than happy to oblige 
Warnings: gay sex, unprotected sex, light swearing, rough sex, reference to past luke x alex 
A/N: you guys really wanted this so the anxiety of not wanting to let you all down is so real rn, so i’m just gonna post this before i start to hate it any more lol enjoy hopefully 
Tag List: @happinessinthedarkesttimes @molinaroberts​ @joynersgoatblog​ @courageous-she​ @littlemissaddict​ @gloomybrieyxb​ @itsyagorlemmalyn @jatpxmultifan​ @moneybagmgk​ @emeliii1​ @mybradforddream​ (the strike through means it wont let me tag you)
Alex was pacing when Willie poofed into the studio for their weekly movie night, where Willie had been catching Alex up on everything gay that had happened in cinema since his death. But by the look on Alex’s face, they wouldn’t be doing much movie watching that night. 
“Hotdog?” Willie called, drawing the blond’s attention to him. 
“I need to tell you something.” Alex blurted out. 
“Anything.” Willie assured him, perching on the arm of the couch and watching as Alex paced. 
“Luke and I dated. In the 90s. I never told you that.” Alex said after a moment. Willie nodded. 
“I figured. You guys radiate ‘we were boyfriends’ vibes.” He admitted. Alex froze, spinning to stare at Willie in disbelief. 
“Wait, you knew?” He questioned. Willie shrugged. 
“Not for certain. But I knew something had gone on at some point.” He answered, and Alex resumed his pacing.
“We didn’t date for long, less than a year.” Alex bit his lip. “But we stayed pretty... close afterwards.” 
“I’m not quite sure why this is relevant.” Willie frowned, and Alex too a deep breath. 
“I’m ready.” He said quickly. 
“For what?” Willie asked, confused. Alex bit his lip again. 
“To sleep with you.” He mumbled, and Willie’s eyes widened. 
“Oh, wow. That is not what I expected to hear.” Willie joked, his smile falling when he saw the frown on Alex’s face. 
“What else is bothering you?” He asked softly. 
“Wheneverlukeandiusedtohavesexitwasreallyroughandikindareallywantyoutofuckmeroughly.” Alex mumbled, so quick that Willie could barely understand a word that he had said. 
“Alex breathe.” He instructed, and Alex took a deep breath. “Now what on earth did you just say? Cause it sounded like another language.” 
Alex took another deep breath. 
“Whenever Luke and I used to have sex it was really rough and I kinda really want you to fuck me roughly.” Alex repeated, and Willie’s jaw dropped. Alex was full of surprises today. 
“You want me to fuck you? Roughly?” He repeated. Alex nodded. 
“Well yeah... You’ve met Luke, I bet you can imagine how he was in the bedroom.” He rambled. 
“Alex...” Willie trailed off and Alex froze, clearly sensing Willie’s hesitation. 
“Oh god, did I go too far? We can just forget this never happened.” He said quickly, and Willie shook his head. 
“No, Alex. You’re fine. It’s just... I’ve never topped anyone before.” He admitted. 
“It’s not that hard, really.” Alex replied, turning bright red at his admission. 
“If you say so Hotdog.” The nickname seemed to calm Alex, the blond finally settling down on the couch next to Willie. 
“Are we gonna do it here or do you have some secret hidden place for us to go?” He asked. 
Willie grinned. 
“I know just the place.” 
“Is this where you live?” Alex questioned, looking around the hotel room that Willie had brought them to. It looked like any other hotel room that Alex had ever seen, except for one thing. Where the door would normally be was a blank wall, closing the room off to anyone who couldn’t poof through walls. Willie shrugged slightly.  
“Sometimes. Mostly I live at the club with the other dancers. But whenever I need to be alone I come here.” He said. Alex nodded. 
“How did you find it?” He asked and Willie grinned. 
“Honestly? I was skating down the hallway outside and my board caught on the carpet and I fell through the wall. Then I realised I was in a hotel room that for some reason had no door, so I just started coming here all the time. You’re the only person I’ve ever told about this place, let alone brought them here.” He admitted, sitting down on the edge of the large bed. 
“I’m honoured.” Alex sat down next to him and they both fell quiet. 
“Hey Lex?” Willie whispered, breaking the silence. Alex smiled softly at the nickname. 
“Yeah?” 
“I’m kinda nervous, about topping you.” Willie looked down at his fingers, his heart skipping a beat when Alex took his hands. 
“You’ll be okay. Plus you know we can always stop if we feel uncomfortable.” Alex assured him. 
“Okay.” Willie nodded. Alex grinned. 
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. So should I-” Alex cut him off by crashing their lips together and Willie gasped in shock, letting Alex take the lead for a few moments before he took control, pushing the taller boy backwards into the bed and climbed on top of him.
Willie’s fingers fiddled with the bottom of Alex's shirt, before pulling it off completely and kissing down his chest. He moved away to pull his own shirt off, kicking his shoes into the corner. 
Alex kicked his own shoes off, watching Willie intently.
"Take your pants off." Willie instructed.
"You’re sure no one will catch us here?” Alex questioned, but obeyed nonetheless. Willie nodded, already removing his own clothes to reveal his naked body, Alex blushing at the sight.
"I promise, I don’t even think anyone knows about it.” He reassured Alex, placing a gentle kiss on the blond’s lips. “We’re safe here.”
“Okay.” Alex stuttered as Willie’s hand made its way down Alex’s body and rested on the bulge in his underwear. Willie lent in, connecting their lips again as he massaged the bulge, leaving Alex a moaning mess.
"Can I take these off?" He asked, pulling away from Alex's lips. Alex nodded. Willie pulled Alex's underwear off quickly, throwing them aside.
"God you're so beautiful." Willie muttered, scanning Alex’s body, his mouth practically watering at the size of Alex’s cock. "Get up onto the bed."
Alex obliged. Willie sat in front of him.
"How do you want to do this?" He asked.
"It’s up to you. Tell me how you want me." Alex replied. Willie bit his lip, thinking.
"Okay. Lie down on your back and spread your legs." He said, and Alex did it. Willie ran a hand down Alex's thigh and Alex shuddered. Willie laughed slightly.
"I'm gonna put a finger in, okay? Loosen you up so it doesn't hurt as much." Alex nodded. Willie put a lube covered finger in, his other hand on Alex's hip, drawing gentle patterns. After a minute he added a second finger, and after giving Alex a second to adjust he began scissoring his fingers to stretch Alex out. The drummer moaned.
"You like that?" Willie asked, adding a third finger, and Alex could tell he was smiling.
"Feels so good." Alex replied. Willie removed his fingers, grabbing the lube once again to pour some on his dick.  
"If you think that was good wait ‘til we get to the next part." Willie jerked himself a few times, making sure he had enough lube, before moving closer to Alex, lifting the blond's hips slightly to make it easier, and then slowly entering the blond, both boys gasping at the pleasure.
"Tell me when to move." The skater instructed.
"Now." Alex whispered. Willie thrusted roughly, and Alex flinched slightly at the discomfort.
"Are you okay?" Willie asked, freezing slightly. He knew Alex had asked him to be rough, but he didn’t want to hurt the other boy.
"Yes." Alex replied, as the pain turned to pleasure. "It feels good now."
"Good." Willie said, thrusting again and beginning to set a fast pace, slamming into Alex. Alex moaned and reached down to grab his dick. Willie shoved his hand away, wrapping his own hand around Alex's cock, jerking it in time with his thrusts.
"Please Wills." Alex whined, his breath coming out in pants.
"Please what?" Willie questioned. Alex moaned loudly, his head falling back.  
"Harder." Willie complied and the room was filled with the sound of slapping skin, of loud moans and swearing.
“I’m so close.” Willie gasped, slamming into Alex with as much force as he could, and Alex screamed out in pleasure.
“Cum in me, please.” Alex begged. “Please Willie, please.”
Willie moaned loudly as he reached his climax, filling the younger boy with his cum, and Alex followed close behind, his own cum coating their chests.
After riding out their highs Willie pulled out, collapsing onto the bed next to Alex.
"How was that?" He whispered. Alex smiled shyly, snuggling into Willie.
"It was perfect. Thank you." Willie kissed him softly.
“Next time, you’re topping. I can’t wait to have your massive cock inside of me.” The skater grinned and Alex turned bright red, biting down on his lip.
“Well…” He whispered. “There’s always round two.”
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doyouevenshipbr0 · 4 years
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gruvia drabble
author’s note: well. i said it. and here it is!!! this is based off the most recent gruvia matching covers of fairy tail 100 years quest!!!:) i felt super inclined to write this bc 1. those covers are BEAUTIFUL and 2. well... last time gruvia was at a ball it.......didnt go so well!!! (end of the gmg arc......iykyk😔) SO!! i hope i did these covers justice!:) enjoys bbies!!!!! and im tagging @sobatsu bc i was instructed to lol!!:) i hope u enjoy, love!!!:)
*
“Wow.” Lucy lulled, taking in the grand surroundings. “I forgot just how nice this palace was.”
“Yeah, it’s been a little while since we’ve been here, huh?” Natsu finally looked up from his plate as he said with a mouth full of food.
“Natsu, manners!” Erza scolded. “Queen Hisui was kind enough to invite us here for her birthday ball. Don’t embarrass Fairy Tail.”
Juvia, however, was not taking a large part in the conversation. She was more focused on a certain someone, and how she had yet to even talk to this certain someone throughout the whole night.
Once she heard that Fairy Tail would be attending Queen Hisui’s birthday ball, she was estatic. Rather than dwelling on the fact that last time she was in that very ballroom Gray essentially rejected her, she decided to look at the glass as half full. She would reinvent herself this night. She would wear a dress even more dazzling than before, she would act so elegantly even if it killed her, and she would do everything in her power to make Gray eat the words he said at the last royal ball. Juvia would show Gray that she was an even newer version of herself, and she was a woman more than deserving of his love.
However, the fact that he seemed to be avoiding her the entire night was certainly putting a damper on Juvia’s plans. She didn’t want to overcrowd him like she seemed to last time, but patiently waiting for him to approach her was killing her. She wanted to gush over the fact that he looked so handsome in his fancy suit and sweep him off his feet onto the dance floor, but unlike her usual, she was trying to keep her cool. Unfortunately, “keeping her cool” was turning into a burning irritation. She kept her eyes glued onto Gray as she mingled with Jellal across the ballroom. They were chatting and laughing with drinks in their hand, and Juvia wanted to be by his side as he did so. Instead, she watched, and subconsciously poked at her food with her fork as her other hand tapped anxiously on the table.
Naturally, Erza was the first person to notice her agitation. “Juvia? Is everything alright?” She asked.
“Eh?” Juvia finally snapped out of her daze. She stopped her fidgeting and turned towards Erza. “Juvia’s fine.” She forced a laugh.
“Is that so?” Erza raised a brow. “That must be why you’ve been staring off and playing with your food for 30 minutes without taking a single bite.”
“Urgh!” Juvia finally dropped her fork. “Why hasn’t Gray-sama talked to Juvia tonight?! At all!” She spat out.
Erza gave a low chuckle. “I could’ve guessed that’s what this was about.”
“Why don’t you just go up and talk to him, Juvia?” Lucy chimed in.
“Because,” Juvia groaned. “At the last ball, Juvia was a bit—well— abrassive, and it totally turned Gray-sama off.” She sighed. “Juvia just doesn’t want to make the same mistake twice.”
“You know, the last ball was a long time ago. A lot has changed from then. Not only you and Gray as individuals, but as a couple as well.” Erza casually explained, tucking a loose hair that fell from her bun behind her ear.
“A c-c-couple?!” Juvia’s face turned red. Sure, she and Gray had gone through a lot together since then, but their relationship was anything but definite. They were in this awkward “more than friends” stage that Juvia just couldn’t seem to fight her way out of.
“Erza’s right!” Lucy said, optimistically. “Gray cares a lot about you, so I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you went up and talked to him or asked him to dance.”
Juvia sighed, somewhat defeated. “Juvia supposes you two are right, but I really don’t want to mess anything up tonight.” She began lightly messing with her food again.
“You should do whatever you feel is right, Juvia.” Erza gave her a reassuring smile.
Juvia finally smiled back. “Thank you Erza-san, and Lucy-san, but Juvia is sure. She will lay low tonight. Whatever happens, happens.” As much as it killed her, this is what she decided to do, and deep down she would hope Gray would eventually approach her.
“Hey, Juvia,” Natsu interjected. “While you lay low, are you gonna’ eat that?” He clearly had eyes for her plate.
“Natsu!” Lucy exclaimed.
Juvia hummed a giggle. “It’s alright. You can have it, Natsu-san.”
After all, she was far too anxious to stomach anything right then.
~
While Gray was paying attention to Jellal and their conversation, he couldn’t help that little thing that was itching away at his mind. Finally, he glanced over her way across the room to see she was talking with Erza and Lucy.
His index finger tapped at the glass in his hand, unknowingly to him. He quickly shook his gaze and turned back to Jellal.
“So it’s safe to assume you’re fitting right in at Fairy Tail? You’re a new member and you’re already going to all our parties.” He said to his old friend, but new guild mate.
Jellal nodded. “Well, there’s never a dull moment, that’s for sure.” He chuckled. “I would hate to miss out.”
Gray playfully raised his eyebrow. “Is there a particular reason you’re inclined to be so involved? Maybe, I dunno’, because of a certain red-head, by chance?” He teased.
Jellal’s eyes went wide. “W-what?! Erza?! I—erm— not necessarily! Why do you say that?!”
Gray couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re as cool as a cucumber all the time, but as soon as Erza comes up in conversation, you start buggin’ out.”
“I guess I can’t help it.” Jellal sighed contently and looked over to her table. “She has that effect on me.” He grinned.
Gray admired Jellal’s realness with himself. It was a trait that Gray seemed to lack sometimes, especially when it came to the feelings department. That got him back to thinking about that thing that was poking at him all night. Or rather, that thing that wasn’t poking at him. Wasn’t bothering him, wasn’t clinging to his side, wasn’t flashing that engulfing sweet grin, wasn’t talking his ear off all night.
“H-hey,” Gray finally let his anxiety fall off his lips. “Does Juvia seem...” He realized he was failing on putting the right words together. “I dunno’,” He exhaled. “Weird... to you? At all?” He finished, agonizingly.
Jella furrowed his brows. “Weird as in...?” He wasn’t sure just what Gray was getting at.
He groaned. “I don’t know, like she’s acting kind of... differently tonight, right?”
“She looks perfectly fine to me.” By the tone in Jellal’s voice, it was clear he was trying to pull something from Gray.
“Y-yeah.” Gray swallowed his thoughts.
“Or could you be getting at the fact that she hasn’t been following you around at all tonight?” Jellal pried.
“I mean, yeah! It’s not like her to— well— leave me alone.” Gray snorted. Here he was, finally getting a second to breathe from her, and he was complaining about it.
“Does it bother you that she’s not bothering you?”
“No!” Gray immediately answered, but once he saw the look he was getting from Jellal, he knew there was no fooling him. “Ok, maybe.” He turned away.
“It’s just strange to see her not being herself.” He looked at the drink in his hand and swirled it around. “So, yes, in a weird way, it does bother me that she’s not glued to my side.”
“Well, Gray, it kind of seems like you’ve answered your own question, my friend. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go ask a beautiful girl to dance.” Jellal flashed one last smug smirk at Gray, almost as if it were a nudge, and walked strutted his way across the floor. He watched as Jellal executed his plan with that very red-head that knew just how to ruffle his feathers. Shortly following, Lucy and Natsu excitedly arose from their seats and entered the dance floor as well.
Gray knew what he had to do.
He downed the drink that sat in his hand, slammed it on the table beside him, took a deep breath, and headed towards her.
For the first time all night, Juvia wasn’t looking at Gray. She had her chin resting in the palms of her hands as her elbows leaned on the table. She looked longingly onto all the couples that were dancing the night away. It was hopeless. She had been defeated for a second time.
Flower petals fell from what was seemingly the sky, as the guards released them in bushels, setting the perfect mood for the couples romantically dancing.
“O-oi!” Juvia knew that voice all too well. She snapped her gaze at that direction.
“Gray-sama?” She nearly gasped. This was the first time she’d been so close to him all night.
“Juvia.” Gray took a deep breath. “Do you...” He held out one hand as his other instinctively scratched at the back of his head, as he wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. He felt the blush burn his cheeks, so he couldn’t help but look away in the moment. “Do you want to dance with me?”
Juvia’s first reaction was her eyes widening, not believing what they were seeing. Her lips parted as she finally took in a breath after what felt like an eternity with no air.
“Yes. Juvia would love to.”
Gray finally looked back at her. and the world around him completely faded away. All he saw was her. Juvia’s long waves draped her frame perfectly, as parts in the front fell and curved onto the seams of her dress. She looked at him with a hooded gaze, one that stared into his entire being, and he was mad that he orginally didn’t have the courage to look into her deep blue trance. Pink frosted her porcelain skin perfectly, and it just so happened to match the soft petals that fell onto her so perfectly, grazing her hands that were crossed on top of each other, tightly held at the center of her chest. She was truly all he could see in that moment, and he didn’t care. All he ever wanted to see, was her. It was a sight he could look at for eternity.
Finally, the nerves seemed to dull. He gracefully took her hand, and led Juvia onto the ballroom floor. She was first to wrap her arms around his neck, and Gray matched her, a bit awkwardly at first, by placing his hands onto her back.
“Juvia thought you would never ask her to dance.” She half groaned and half chuckled.
“Yeah, well, you could’ve asked me yourself, y’know.” They continued to sway back and forth, stepping with ease.
“And risk rejection?! For the second royal ball in a row?! Juvia’s heart couldn’t take it.” She dramatically explained.
“Well it’s not like you to stand on the sidelines.” Gray scoffed.
“But it paid off didn’t it?” She hummed a giggle. “Gray-sama asked Juvia to dance.” She sang
“Yeah, but I didn’t like seeing you be all—well— not yourself.” He muttered and embarrassingly turned his head to the side.
“Eh?” Juvia pushed her face towards Gray. “Gray-sama doesn’t mind Juvia’s mannerisms?” She boasted
“Urgh, well, I like you, okay?! And part of what makes you you is how you’re so loud, and giddy, and forward, and in my face about everything.” He finally looked back towards her. “So don’t go changing anything about yourself, alright? I like you just the way you are.”
For the first time ever, Juvia was at a loss for words. Without giving a verbal reply, she removed her arms from Gray’s neck, and wrapped them around his torso while she prompty pressed her cheek against his chest.
“If Gray-sama insists.” She hummed, snuggling up.
For a moment, Gray didn’t know how to react. Before he could think of a response, he was overwhelmed with a sense of familiarity. This feeling, this sensation of Juvia being so close to him was exactly right. He loved feeling this closeness with her, not only physically, but emotionally as well. Even though he wouldn’t admit if half the time, he longed for moments like this. Her embrace brought him a sense of home like no other could. He calmly wrapped his arms around her, and brought her in even tighter than before.
Finally, while in each other’s arms, just as they knew they should be, Gray and Juvia danced into the night.
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advernia · 3 years
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What do you think would happen if Alice had fallen into Cradle with her child? I’m particularly curious about Sirius and Luka OwO
in general i’d say the presence of the mother-child combination in cradle would (rather, should) raise the tension higher because two people from the land of reason = two people who can repel magic, yeehaw. i think that gives the magic tower more incentive to be aggressive point blank bc 1) two magic repellers = greater chances of world domination plans being thwarted, 2) on the other hand they will make excellent test subjects, 3) them being blood-related + different ages (and possibly genders) opens more avenues for varied forms of experimentation, and 4) more ways to enter the land of reason, hella rad.
there’s probably more but morbid thoughts aside... here’s some general scenarios!
sirius:
he grew up having lotsa siblings + if you count the black army as the whole he’s raised a lot of brats lmao, so alice having a kid doesn’t faze him the slightest!
in the prologue where ray ends up catching alice, sirius ends up catching her kid instead. thinks the kid’s five years old or something. sirius is about to ask the child some basic questions, but the kid suddenly points to a running blanc so whoops. before the strange pair go rushing after blanc, kid says a thank you, mister! and that earns immediate brownie points because the! kid! called! me! mister! and sirius proceeds to make that veeeery clear to ray lol. maybe to fenrir and seth too, later.
so after all the prologue drama, alice & the kid formally introduce themselves as mother & child to the black army. there’s a few murmurs of reallys and awwws because tbh alice looked rather young to be a mother but oh well. it doesn’t change sirius’ welcoming and accommodating approach, though he keeps more tabs on the child because honestly...
a young child in the barracks... where there’s a stocked armory + shiny magic crystals... ridiculous brats - ehem, grown men prone to showing off + creating trouble... yeah. though it’s really not a hassle on sirius’ part to somewhat act like a babysitter, he gets to suffer being teased about nonsense like paternal instincts coming to life in full force lol!
though seriously speaking, he’s very careful not to ask / bring up the biggest subject of them all: alice’s husband (if there’s even one to speak of, ooh). on the kiddo’s side of course, it’s already hard enough that someone so young suddenly ends up in a strange place + gets their mother and themselves threatened by a whole goddamn army (sirius, to lancelot: i stg what are u doing???) + has to live out a whole month in a new environment all of a sudden, so he believes the least that he & the black army can do is keep the child comfortable enough so that the feeling of fear would be lessened, get a sense of comfort going on. sirius definitely can’t blame the kiddo if they start crying out for their father/home though - though he knows it’s not his fault + can’t do anything much, he’ll feel bad about the fact that he can’t do much for the child’s homesickness.
he’s not going to broach the topic on alice either - if alice wanted to talk, then he’d do his best to listen. if she didn’t then he wouldn’t dare ask, it’s a very personal topic after all. who was he to pry into her personal matters when she + her child would be leaving in a month???
so picture this: he did say he’ll help watching over the kid, but there’s not much to do bc her child is good enough. what a little angel, polite and curious and quiet. maybe a little too quiet, withdrawn??? hmmm. either way, the child didn’t seem too (pro)active. or was playful the term sirius was looking for?
like sure, there’s the loud laughs for stupid antics, answers when talked to, smiles and walks around the barracks on their own but... more often than not, the child keeps close to alice or is just around her general line of sight. separation anxiety, maybe??? that’s natural, so okay. or maybe it’s alice who’s always hovering around her child??? either way, there’s nothing odd about that, but upon longer observation...
the kid is just... really responsible / really loves their mom??? alice watering the plants??? quickly looks for another watering can / gets a bucket of water to refill the can with. general cleaning or laundry??? puts a hold on whatever they were doing, rolls up sleeves, gets ready to do some work. prep work for dinner??? peeling’s a bit wonky, but they’re doing their best while trying not to cut themselves...
this strikes off as a bit funny to sirius, because wow, they really are related. where alice is quick to offer her help on all sorts of tasks in the barracks, her child is just a step behind her, little hands willing to do some work. on some tasks, alice does tell her kid that she’ll be alright doing it on her own, but her kid insists doing it alongside her anyway. and that there, that’s a very alice thing to do, too. sirius - heck, maybe the black army would know that by now as well, lol, considering how alice flutters around the barracks looking for something to do if she’s not having some alone time + private time with her child.
though, as much as the help was appreciated... it doesn’t sit well with sirius that the mother & child are spending most of their hours working rather than enjoying themselves in cradle. he thinks it’s a shame, especially for the kid. back when sirius was younger, he would...... then he’d go to....... and then sometimes he’d.............
.... right. if the guests wouldn’t relax themselves, then sirius would take it upon himself to show them a good time. it doesn’t have to be through big events, it doesn’t have to be everyday, it doesn’t need to be through fancy or expensive gifts either...... if only just to see both of them smile more often, then it’s definitely worth the time thinking about.
more bonus points if he’d get to see alice’s kid start acting like... well, a child! while there’s nothing wrong with being responsible or wanting to help, a kid should definitely experience all sorts of things, explore what they can, and most of all, enjoy themselves.
that’s what it means to be young, and alice should do the same as well... being in cradle is their adventure, after all! they’re not completely unrelated to the war but..... if anything else, sirius wants to fulfill the black army’s promise of precting them until the full moon comes around, and when that day comes.... he hopes the two have made a ton of good memories of their stay in cradle.
......... funny that this guy’s thinking about how make the two relax when he can’t even stop and do that for himself lmaooooo 
luka:
lol he starts off the same as he’s always been in most routes: shying away + nothing much to say to the parent/child combo now suddenly under their wing.
though, he does keep watch of their eating habits on the first days of their stay: alice eats anything + everything so that’s a relief, she’s adjusting. now if only he can say the same for her child....
imagine alice’s kid still being uncomfortable & cranky a few days in cradle + black army company, refuses to eat much even though his mom’s urging him to. breaks into a tantrum one day, saying that i wanna eat mama’s cooking instead! or something similar for everyone in the dining room to hear before storming out. ooh. there’s a brief silence - most stares land on luka, who isn’t really offended.
..... well, okay, so maybe it did sting a little bit. alice apologizes to luka before going away to calm her kid down. fenrir + ray tell him not to worry about it, seth + sirius muse about the kid feeling all homesick / sensitive. cue other soldiers saying something about puberty (whut lol). or y’know, kids being kids.
luka tries thinking about the kid’s situation for a bit. away from home, living in a whole new environment, surrounded by a whole lot of other people with attitudes and faces way different from those around at home... huh. that kinda sounds like himself in a way, except that the away from home bit on luka’s part was a voluntary choice.
having realized that, luka has a better guess of what the kid might be feeling. overwhelmed, definitely. from a very hostile welcome with handcuffs + the red army carrying the threat of death, suddenly being surrounded by the kindness of the black army is a total 360. must feel unreal, suspicious, even. the sight of real weapons around, the existence of magic and all that, unknowingly having a power so strong the whole country fears it. sounds like too much too process for a child.
..... alright, but looking at alice’s kid being unfriendly + clingy to alice 24/7 + being such a crybaby also reminds luka of... uh, himself, when he was younger. not to his own mother, but to... well, jonah, ugh. it’s not an easy pill to swallow (it takes grudging acceptance), but at least luka gets to know why he always felt some pang of irritation looking at the child.
so the next time the kid starts crying over something/causes trouble for alice, luka surprises everyone in the room by taking the initiative to scold the kid for acting so selfish. tough call, by the way - the child is wow, stubborn as hell + likes to keep the waterworks going while screaming; luka’s got a pretty good idea of what he wants to say but is having trouble getting it across properly and in a less menancing manner, so in short its a mess. witnesses ray blackwell + fenrir godspeed find the whole scene sorta funny though, much support lol.
alice wants to cut in, but sirius + seth tell her to leave it to luka, who seems to be winning since her kid’s running out of energy from crying & shouting at the same time. luka seems to be calming down too, because his tone + volume + facial expression is getting less stern. this seemed like a good time to mosey out of the scene so sirius ushers the audience to go away lmao, even the worried mother (who, decides to eavesdrop instead. no one has the heart to pull her away... so they hover around the doorway with her too.)
not arguing with luka anymore, the upset kid starts to babble of nightmares about the scary men in red with their sharp swords, not wanting to sleep because maybe when they close their eyes mama might suddenly be gone and they’re all alone, the scary feeling of losing mama to strangers, and the list goes on and on. its a collection of fears + worries of a child, and luka’s patient enough to listen. in fact, he smiles wryly when there’s mentions of monsters under the bed: it’s embarrasing, but luka used to cry over that too.
... seeing the kid bawl their eyes out like this, luka really is reminded of his younger self. the clinginess, sudden outbursts, the fear of maybe one day, they’ll be left behind and will be all alone. luka might be speculating the kid’s feelings, but more than anyone else, luka would be the closest one who could relate to what the kid was going through because.......... he acted that way towards jonah, back when they were younger.
he wonders if they’ve mentioned any of this to alice, even if just the smallest of their fears. he wonders how long they’ve been bothered over those fears, if they’ve been sleeping well at night. with all those questions in his mind, luka’s not so sure what to say; how to comfort the child.
he still tries though, even if his words come out a bit clumsy, even if the kid’s still sniffling all the way through the process. it’s a quiet moment, one that lasts till the child has cried themselves to sleep. they just stay that way for awhile, the kid resting their head on luka’s arm, until luka decides to carry the child back to their room........ alice must be worried.
..... she is, actually. when she and luka talk, she keeps quiet of her eavesdropping. luka doesn’t tell her everything either, because he believed that some of the things they talked about are better said by the kid themselves rather than him relaying the message to alice.
there’s nothing much to say after that, so luka goes on his way. alice says a very sincere thank you before he goes. she... has a lot of other things to say other than just that, but.... maybe another time. maybe when she’s plucked up the courage.
anyway, after all that alice’s kid seems to have gotten off their... spoiled phase, lol. still a little clingy to alice, but is getting less prickly + talking to others now. most notable development though, is if the child isn’t around their mother......... they could be seen hanging around luka.
.......... cue comments on how heartwarming it is to see a young child tottering around luka like a little duckling. luka does not appreciate the teasing. especially when it comes from seth + fenrir because why are their grins so big??????? but he doesn’t say anything against the kid following him around lol.
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anestheticrage · 4 years
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Be me: Japanese honor student🎓, 15, with half a brain and even less of a plan. Hunting bitches by day and witches by night. Livin that dank only child✌️ life while mom n dad yeet all over the globe, leavin me plenty of time to forget not to make 2 lunches for myself #quirky 😜
no time for socialization or basic electronics skills ???📱??? when your best friends are an alien demon rabbit🐰👽 and the inexplicable Hole ™ in your brain. lmao, btw did i mention im ✨M✨A✨G✨I✨C✨A✨L✨
dreamin bout my 2D waifus again when familiar pink haired cancer patient dances through my brain passin out fliers: Kamihama Meguca Dating Service: Sponsored by Cult of the Magius. 250 stones per session 🤔
seems legit, Mr. Moneybags. wasn't spending my unwieldy sack of gemstones on anything else anyway. lets pull 💎💎💎
first up we have Redhead Radagast and her plethora of plants. 🌿☺️🦎
anndd, nearly dies immediately. 
well not off to a great start but i guess shes pretty cute at lea- oh FUCK its her girlfriend, Tsundere Poseidon😒🔱💦, and their exasperated, straight and single Sword Mom 😔🗡️🔥. fml gonna have to save up for the next pull. might as well play a few rounds with what i got tho. 
get in some good girl talk about things like school, color coded hair styles, body count, permanent soul damage, and our personal demon pacts. ya know, the usual 😚 . realize my dark backstory seems to be missing, so the girls take me to Ketchup Queen Sappho 🍅🥧 (wtf?) to molest my glowy egg stone. whatevs, more action than ive had since Kuroe 🖤 got added to the story anyway
the gang agrees it's time to hunt down the cutest rabbit pimp 🕶️🐇💵 in the city. >> say 🎵mukyuuu🎵 one more time and ill hug you so hard my backstory will pop right out, you adorable fluffy bastard. plz be my new best friend 💕
Form brand new friendship pact with Kyubae, and remember that my lil Sis 🐥 was always the best wingman for pickin up magic chicks, and kept her side of the room so spotless i forgot she existed. whoops 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ Maybe if I find her i can stop paying these exorbitant pull fees.📵💎
speaking of which: hot damn this week's featured bachelorette is a 19 year old model and magical detective🔎 with massive levels of PTSD and self loathing 🥵💙💦 more likely to stab you or dramatically jump off a rooftoop than utter a single positive comment. wow, maybe i really COULD find true love…
... if i had MORE THAN A 1% FUCKING DRAW CHANCE. 😡 smh
hard to make much progress finding sis or winning the broken heart of a hard boiled detective amidst the never ending lover's quarrel of the Trident Vine Lesbians. 💔 Sword Mom tells them if they don't behave a monster will take them away. LOL classic mom 🤣
>>>HOLY FUCK IT DID
declare all-out war on urban legends, starting with staircases ⚔️ to reunite the dysfunctional trio, and hope that I net a way better lineup with the next 10x pull. at least sad sleuth lady came to help out. they say combat is the best way to bond wi-   and there she goes off the rooftop again 🙄 fml
alright that got way off track, we need a fresh start, away from all the loli drama. how bout a little B&E🔓🔨🤷🏻‍♀️ at the local house of worship to clear my head. ahh nothing like the unanswered prayers of the masses to get you in the mood for another wasted pull, and the 🔥 MIGHTIEST 🔥 headache you could ask for with a side of Double Cooked Pork 🐖🍜 (meh 5/10🧾)
venture forth into the spiritual unknown with your new human flamethrower🔥🌻🧡 and ask your favorite private eye to please, for the love of Eve, trade Meguca accounts with me~~~ Head through the eastern spirit portal to meet up with hologram propaganda sis and detective crush's evil ex, who joined a dating-app cult (#fuck) and also turned into the moon?🌕?(that's rough buddy)
get ambushed by Acid Horse on Wheels 🌈🐴 and vomit up my soul so hard that its time for a crossover episode. T U R F F F   W A R R R *que operatic harmonies* 💛 Blondie with the hair drills and enough attitude and guns to fill up a noble phantasm tries to ban my account permanently, but PI heartthrob denies her admin privileges. aww babe i didn't know you cared. 😭♥️
get kidnapped by my new true love and go back to her place 😏  defs enough empty rooms to house five emotionally traumatized girls and at least two ghosts hehehe👻 XD 💚🃏💜🎸 decide to form the anti-gossip brigade and recruit my blazing sunflower after getting ambushed by the witch living in my fruit loops🥣
❌outvoted 2:1 that cults are bad. mf. fiinneee one last pull to round out the team and then I'll delete the app. cmonnn Karin 🎃~
OH HELL YEAH TWO FOR ONE.
Always wanted a daughter 💜🔨🐄 with a penchant for pissing off the local Martial Arts & Books Club and drinking suspicious liquids offered by total strangers. Well if it's good enough for her AND the sexy mayadere with enough game to seduce a mermaid, might as well get in on that myself. 
#curseddrank 🤢 0/24 would not recommend to a friend, 'cept maybe Ria
win alot of cash 🤑, blow up a fountain, meet the pied piper²🎶🖕, moon cult, monochrome feathers, something about liberation✊🏻; adopt temper tantrum cow girl. aces 💜🥩
Next up!!! skydiving with DJ Hammer! Jump to apparently-not-certain death after suicidal A.I. 💚💾🗼 tells you to rescue her hostage before they run out of Radiohead albums and have to move on to Thom Yorke's solo discography. save the invisible shield kitten 💚👑😿 from happiness and get chased through the internet by the sexiest homicidal Paint Pallette 💚🎨😈 since Caravaggio. (apparently green is the color of the digital apocalypse. i’m deleting Kako from my friend's list)
that’s it, fuck this app. 250 stones 💎 per-life-threatening-experience is more than i’m willing to deal with 😓 don’t wanna mess with the perfect nuclear family anyway. we've already got: 
✔️the two emotionally traumatized moms with memory and commitment issues
✔️the adhd daughter with anger management problems and a giant hammer
✔️the psychologically abused scizophrenic cat
✔️and the eccentric aunt with crippling anxiety
#squadgoals
now that were done hoarding bitches, its time to hunt the witches. and the bitches makin the witches. btw did i mention the witches ARE the bitches! AND WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!? 📽️⁉️💀 wait fuck lets back up a second
This is Nemo📕 and Token🧪 and they have all the answers but prefer if you only ask vague questions in exchange for vague responses so they can fill in the rest by discussing their superior intellect 🧠 at length. not to mention they built that dating app, so of course everyone in my harem decides to be a FUCKING. TRAITOR.🤬
cept waifu prime ofc 🥰💙. [PTSD > brainwashing] 'yOu CaN bE tHe LeAdEr NoW'. i have been from the very beginning you traumatized Hinedere nightmare. maybe if you weren't so caught up collecting surrogate daughters you would've noticed IM👏THE👏ONLY👏 ONE👏PROGRESSING👏THE FUCKING👏PLOT✨
rescue the rest of dysfunctional found-family™ from selves before my adorable firebender burns down Disnihama🎡🔥😱 during her weekly anxiety attack. (love the makeover T B H) 
CHAPTER 8: Magical Girl Massacre🩸🗡️
   - everyone has like, the shittiest day ever
   - the new Pope really needs to be extradited from the church
   - make friends with a really pretty tree 🌺🌲✨
i swear, if i don't finish this god damn story in time to get that free pull im gonna beat the shit out of every mirror i find in that giant mansion that i haven't even had any time to even mention yet. 🖕🏚️ let alone EVERYTHING happening with the prequel [fuck you, I'm the star] girls 💗💜💙💛❤️️ and their multidimensional melodrama. We don't need that many repetitive af episodes to emphasize that Homo-ra is a shitty person. we've all seen Rebellion. 🙄
NO, I DONT CARE IF YOU WANT SAPPHO'S BACKSTORY, I ONLY HAVE 79 STONES LEFT AND IF YACHAN FINDS OUT I HAVEN'T DELETED THE APP YET IM GONNA HAVE TO GO SLEEP IN WITH SANA 😭💎💸😠
uhhhggggg where were we… Topple a cult and burn down Hotel Denoument only to realize that Sis was fused with the dating app servers this entire madokafuckin time (told ya she was the best wingman 😊). 
Dilemma: Sis =🥚, Triumvirate of Trouble want 🐣. What do? vote now:
Help Hatch - IIIIIII
Not Do That - IIIII
What The Actual Fuck Is Going On - IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Lets just fight everyone until something good happens.
🔥🔫🔥🗡️🔥😱🔥🌆🔥😱🔥🛡️🔥💣🔥
Kill (???) the artist-in-chief of the italian reindeer murder police after teaching her the true meaning of Christmas 🎄 hatch 🐣lil Sis and realize she WAS your wingman all along🐰 MUKYUUUU! we're just gonna ignore how much trouble it would have saved if you'd just mentioned that. "yOu DiDnT aSk..." 
FUCK YOU SPACE BITCH. ONCE AN INCUBATOR ALWAYS AN INCUBATOR 🖕🐇🔪
anywho, somewhere along the lines we of course summoned the Antichrist ⚙️ because why not raise the stakes to max and still not kill off a single character. Madofuckinkami, can we PLEASE wrap this up. 😩💤
feathers (not the culty kind, tfm) rain from the sky, and the power of friendship and not having the Urobutcher 🔪🩸as a lead writer saves our peacefully sectioned off alternate reality 😇
TL:DR fuck cults, real life waifus DO exist, don't sell your soul to space rabbits, or your stones to megacorporations. Enjoy arc 2 on the JP server with your shitty translation patch you filthy fuckin weebs 
Yours Truly, 
- Thirsty Weeb Eroha 💗💎😘 
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k-writer1998 · 4 years
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A Simple Mistake
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Prompt fic: store clerk? hyunjin x pedestrian? reader
fluff
w.c: 1.4k
A/N: I actually really like this idea and will be making a part 2 lol 
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      Why am I here alone on my shift? Changbin-hyung was supposed to be here an hour before I was and if the store manager caught on we’d all get in trouble. Hiding my anxiety behind the picture perfect customer service smile, my eyes continued to scan the crowd for my irresponsible hyung. As I was helping a customer I spotted a hooded figure move toward the counter. Quickly responding I would get the customer’s size, I made a beeline for the counter to intercept the familiar black hoodie.
“Hyung-”
      The moment I grabbed the person’s shoulder I knew I screwed up. This slender shoulder does not belong to a gym rat like Changbin-hyung. Apologize and abort the mission! 
“I must have made a mistake… sorry for disturbing you.”
“Wait! Uhm, do you work here?”
      The girl had turned and grabbed my sleeve before I could breeze by her. Finally getting a good look at her, how did I even mistaken her for Changbin-hyung? If not the fact that she is literally a head shorter than him, the lavender hair spilling out of her hood should've given it away. Compared to her wild choice of hair color she seemed timid so I was about to ask her what she needed but the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. Turning my head I made direct eye contact with the impatient glare of the woman I was helping.
"Yeah I do. I'm actually with a customer right now but if you browse for a bit I'll be with you shortly. Sorry I'm the only worker right now."
      Quickly grabbing the size and bringing it to the woman, my eyes scanned for the girl and found her giving an unsure look to the new releases. As I made my way to her, a wild Changbin-hyung appeared and by wild I literally mean wild. His hair was a mess, there were dark circles under his eyes, and I'm pretty sure those were the same clothes he wore yesterday.
"Hyunjin I'm sorry I'm late. I was up all night for my assignment just for me to hit a dead end so I decided to just try another day."
"Why didn't you answer my calls?"
"I may have fallen asleep since I didn’t get any last night?"
"... You're lucky Felix clocked you in and did overtime to cover for you," I rolled my eyes at him.
      And he was supposed to be the assistant manager. He gave me a thankful pat on my back which hurt but like always he just called me dramatic before making promises to pay me and Felix back and headed for the back to put his stuff away.
"Sorry for the wait, how can I help you?"
      She flinched at the sudden sound of my voice before giving me an awkward smile.
"I'm looking to buy my older brother a birthday gift. I know he wants shoes but I'm not really sure what to get him..."
      She explained his tastes and I took her to the matching section, pulling a few shoes that I felt would fit his taste. While helping her out, to help ease the tension I started some casual conversation and she seemed to relax a bit. After a bit of talking, and some indecisiveness on her part, we were at the register with a final choice. Since it was slow in the store we were still chatting about life and there’s something about her… I can’t quite put my finger on it.
“I hope your brother likes the shoes, they're a good pick and in the rare chance he doesn’t I hope I’m working cause there must be something wrong with him then,” I joke.
“He’s picky so who knows but thanks anyways,” she laughs.
      While bagging the shoes I noticed she played nervously with her wallet as the register printed her receipt. Handing her the bag she walked off and I was going to check the displays when she suddenly whirled on her heels.
“This may be a bit odd but are you getting off soon?”
      She’s just like Chan-hyung. The embarrassment of the question was evident on her face but rather than her face turning red, her ears did instead. A small smile pulled at my lips before she realized how it sounded and quickly added her reason.
“I want to thank you for helping me! I’ve been to a few stores already and none of the workers were as helpful as you were….”
“It’s my lunch break in a few minutes, let me go let my manager know and I’ll meet you back here,” I smile.
      My eyes glanced at the clock on the register, I didn't have lunch for another thirty minutes but I mean hyung did come in late. Plus he did say he owes me one and it’s slow so he can manage. There was lots of whining on Changbin-hyung’s part but after bringing up all the favors I’ve done for him prior it shut him up. Before we were out of the front door I got an obnoxious text to “have fun on my date.” Damn the store cameras. We grabbed a quick lunch and although she argued, I paid but she insisted she wanted to pay me back so we ended up at a coffee shop a few doors down.
“So I’ve been curious about something. Do you do boxing or something as a hobby?”
“Huh? Why would you say that?”
“Your hands,” she pointed at my hand resting on the table, “bruised knuckles and they seem a bit rough.”
      Maybe because she’s awkward but she is a lot more observant than most people and it helps make up for her timidness. Maybe that’s what it is… too bad.
“They’re from my other part-time job. There a lot of physical work so my hands get banged up all the time.”
“Oh, they’re pretty though,” she mumbles before she realizes and starts sputtering, “I mean you're pre- I mean… look at the time! Won’t you be late if we don’t head back now?”
“Wow, so eager to get rid of me already? I thought we were becoming friends y/n. Weren’t you saying I’m something? I’m pre- I’m prett-”
“I need air,” she said as she suddenly stood up and walked out.
“Hey, wait! I’m sorry I’ll stop,” I laugh, running after her.
      Back at the shop Changbin-hyung, as any of the other guys would do in this situation, teased the crap out of me. Before I rolled my eyes hard enough to fall out of my head, I got a text notification. Hyung started a new wave of teasing until he saw who was texting, Chan-hyung. It was a reminder not to forget about my assignment tonight but I was just glad it got Changbin-hyung to shut up. After that the rest of the day was the same old; finish my shift, go home, eat, then whatever. 
      Parking the car, I double checked the assignment to make sure I got the right place. Old factory, how basic can they be? Getting out I rounded to the trunk to make sure I had everything I needed. I slip out the magazines, making sure everything is fully loaded before I slip my extra pistol into the holster and tie my hair back. I cock my pistol back for luck and look at the gleaming bullet in the barrel before I went in. Taking out the grunts was easy work but Chan-hyung said the real target would be in the office on the second floor. Climbing up the metal stairs I tried to be as quiet as possible as I approached the office. The door was left cracked open and I could hear a muffled voice talking to themselves from within.
“Do tHe jOB, he said. IT’lL bE eaSy, he said. I told him I don’t do infiltration and this is why. Look at this prehistoric thing!” 
      Closing in, I gently nudge the door with the tip of my gun before slipping in. As to not spook the person I slowly raised my gun and moved around the desk to get a clear shot when they suddenly spoke up again. 
“Damn it, that rat Seunghyun set me up.”
      In an instant the person pulled out their own gun and whipped around to face me. My eyes widened as my focus honed on the purple hair spilling out of the hoodie before traveling up to meet the same gentle eyes I saw this afternoon. Even though her face was covered with a face mask I knew cause I committed that face to memory. I didn’t think we would be meeting each other again, let alone like this.
“Y/n?”
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babyeijra · 3 years
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Socially Anxious INFJ Introvert
January 22, 2021
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Okay, so it’s been a while since I last made an entry in this blog
I feel like I had to write something about what happened today because I wanted to get over something that I know will bug me if I don’t vent it or say anything about it.
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I have always known that I have social phobia. Even without being clinically tested or what do you call it, psychological testing or diagnosis from a professional(?), I know I have social anxiety. I just don’t know what degree, but I know it’s there. Since elementary and high school, I was a quiet kid. I never speak unless spoken to, I don’t even interact with relatives, cousins, or strangers I just met. I have always been like that. I was afraid to be called in class, I get mental blocks when I get called even when I know the answer (this really happened), that’s why I don't participate in class recitations, and activities (unless forced). If I get called, my mind blanks, my heart pounds so hard, and I could feel the blood rush through my whole body and to my brain. Then if I stutter, I feel like I don’t know what I was saying, l feel like I’m being laughed at secretly and I would think of it hours, even days after what happened. And I learned that by writing it and reading more about my condition, and reading from other people’s (with social anxiety) experiences, that’s when I could get past one mistake or move on from my shame. When I read that there are others just like me and have experienced what I went through or going through, is only when I could move on from ONE mistake. But then, until when am I going to be like this? I honestly thought I got passed this social anxiety. That what I had was just acute social phobia, nothing too serious, that I will not experience anxiety to my adulthood, that I could now proceed of dreaming to be a lawyer since I passed high school, college, and now a CPA working in the government. I got passed a lot of interviews when I was just trying to find work as a fresh graduate. I thought, maybe nervousness during interviews, or presentations is just normal?
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But now that I think about it, I had always needed days, even weeks of preparation and practice to get passed simple interviews. I had always had sleepless nights thinking of the days of interview. In high school I had always needed to study 5 times, even 10 times harder just so I wouldn’t get left behind, because I lack class participation. I always though I was stupid or stupidest person in class, I had always envied my classmates who can get through being called and being made to stand to answer and yet giving the wrong answer, because they seem like they were answering a question like it’s nothing, being called to stand is nothing, reporting in front of class is nothing, speaking and interacting with others is nothing. But for me, it’s not a simple “nothing”. I would think about it, I would remember my embarrassment when I stutter, or get mental blocks and gave the wrong answer, I would remember the judging stares (my mind probably had created).
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I could recount, even today, how my high school English teacher, embarrassed me had called me to answer the last question, in front of everyone. The previous questions I had mentally answered and got them all right, after they were discussed or when my classmates had got it also right after they were called to answer. It was coincidental or I don’t know, that the last question was given to me. I had already made up my mind on the answer to the last question before being called. But when I was called, I don’t know what happened. My mind went black, and every symptoms of a social anxious person (from what I read from others’ experiences), I had really felt. I missed to give the right answer which I had already made up before. It just went away, I tried many times and I still had given a different answer, During that time, I really forgot what I answered in my head.  Didn’t I say, I went blank? And so this teacher made it worse by saying,  “If you got the highest score in the exam, you have to prove it, otherwise I would think you cheated” (nonverbatim). Okay now that I think about it, was she allowed to say that to a student? (I want to know the answer to this). I felt embarrassed then, but no one can deny the fact, that I did get the highest score on her exam. I really studied hard (like five times hard) and I listened well in class in high school and not because I wanted to compete with others, but I really had an interest to learn, and I also thought I was stupid and might fail (because of my lack of participation) that’s why I had to recoup by studying. I had the lowest self confidence and self esteem then. It was the lowest of the low. Surprisingly, actually, I graduated high school as salutatorian, and I dreaded it. I never wanted to be salutatorian. I never want to make a speech in front of many people, on the stage in an open space, at the University Quadrangle. I thought, maybe I’ll just get the “1st honorable mention” (3rd in the batch) or even 5th place, because I knew, what would pull me down (even though I sometimes or often times get the highest scores in exams and quizzes; Math, Science, Physics, and others included. Okay maybe except Filipino) was my lack of participation.
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But yeah. Surprised? I was the salutatorian? Although it made me proud after I learned this from our class adviser (also our trigonometry teacher), but the next second I felt was, dread. “Oh shoot! I had to make a speech. I had to speak in front of everyone!”. Did you know, I even cried inside the Teacher’s room, in front of all the teachers, when we, I and another classmate who was the valedictorian, was asked to rehearse our speech in front of them? I was so nervous, I was crying while I was trying to speak (and the tears were not happy tears). I was so nervous that it made me cry. Can you imagine that? And you know what, the teachers actually thought? That I was crying because of happy tears, but I said to them, it’s because, “Gina kulbaan ako”(I’m really nervous). I should tell you, that when I said “crying”, I was spasm-sobbing (you know that sound you make when you cry, you get breathing spasms or hiccups) and had runny nose. I was a mess inside that teacher’s room. When I got out, my valedictorian classmate asked, “Ngaa nag hibi ka?” (Why did you cry). Yup, this happened. I need not relay to you what happened during the graduation. It would take up the time. Oh yeah!, I tried to think of ways to skip delivering the Salutatory Speech, like searching “how to get colds” so my voice will get coarse. I guess I would say, I never want to experience that (Salutatory Speech) again! And I had more also experiences in college. Like when we had to stand in front of the Audio Visual Room. And recite a (I think it was a long poem or verse). I was able to memorize it, but when I got in front. Well, you guessed it. I panicked and had a mental block. *sigh*
Wow, I actually made a long entry about my high school experiences as a Socially Anxious INFJ Introvert. I haven’t even gotten work experience yet. Huh!
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I guess I need to let everyone first know the struggle of being a Socially Anxious Introvert from childhood experience POV, or what one feels like when speaking in front of everyone. So please, don’t judge this entry. What happened today, during our online Legal research class was, we had an oral exam about a hearing observation we had of a case. It was the easiest question by our Professor (who is a MCTC Judge) I think out of everyone’s. But I wasn’t prepared for the easiest question. I prepared for different questions and not the one she asked. So yeah, I blanked, stuttered and I guess and most probably flunked. Now you may be asking. Why did I enter Law School if I have a Social Anxiety? If you really read everything above, you’ll get the answer.
PS, I used at least 2 and a half hours of writing this entry. I have final exams next week. But I know I really couldn’t concentrate if all I think about was what happened 3 hours ago. I wanted to move on from a mistake and embarrassment. I really feel like and did sound stupid answering that SIMPLE question.
Now, what do you think? Should I give up Law School? Or try and conquer my fears in Law School? Do I even have a chance? Do you think I’m being brave? or being stupid for taking up Law but can’t even speak properly.
Any answer from anonymous person will be appreciated. Even if it’s a discouraging answer. I should accept the truth, whatever truths there would be. When I said, “don’t judge” I don’t mean it. Judge all you want really. It is the fact of the world. We even do it unconsciously.
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PSS (is there such?), I have found a site (just now, while looking for pictures) that also talks about dealing with Social Anxiety in Law School (http://www.thelegalduchess.com/2018/08/dealing-with-social-anxiety-in-law.html). So I guess I’m not the only one. (by Sam Smith lol, unrelated content but still a good song). 
Will take time to read it. But, I need to study after this entry. (ugh! 😖The horror, I have a lot to cover for the finals and I have wasted so much time). I feel a lot better after writing this. So I guess it was not wasted time after all.
PPS: 12:17 am more than 4 hrs since my bad recit. I still can't concentrate. I have now been watching youtube about moving on from bad recits. I still cringe everytime I remember it, quite often. That's why I dont think I can remember what I read. Also, I'm writing this because I remember something. Studying harder is now 10 times harder to do in law school, especially if you are a full time, full load, working student. I couldn't prepare well for the next class, and I couldn't prepare for all possible questions as a Socially Anxious INFJ Introvert (which means all questions my mind could think of, because like I said, there'd be no time). And what makes it more embarrassing and humiliating, I have a classmate who is also a coworker (she's in a different work group) and her husband is also my coworker in the same work group.
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Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)
As always, thanks for being here my friends. There’s definitely more nuanced discussion of this show, but I’m here for the vibes. Anyways, here’s my thoughts on Episode 3 of Loki. Bear in mind I hadn’t watched episode 4 before I wrote the review for 3. No hate on anyone/thing, it’s all my opinion.
Episode 3: LAMENTIS
Pre-title scene
I rioted when I heard Hayley’s voice. It’s a win for all of us.
C-20! Sylvie!
C-20’s lil dance was adorable. I love her.
I want Sylvie’s tie dye.
Is that Ralph Bohner?
The same place, but at night. Coincidence? I think not.
Sylvie’s powers have limits. She can’t search someone’s mind and take information, she needs them to willingly tell her though she can use her powers to do that.
TVA
Sylvie’s experienced. Always tie your hair into a bun before a fight.
Her music is nothing like what we’ve heard previously. It’s the Sylvie show folks.
The mural on the left side of the hall is the one from the credits scene.
The plaque above the elevators says ‘FOR ALL TIME ALWAYS’.
Even in the mural on the right side, the Time Keepers aren’t equal, the middle one takes up the most space.
Ravonna!
I love how their movements are similar. The head-snap-hair-flip combo is nearly identical, reflecting how they are the same person to some extent.
2077 Lamentis - 1
“Get off my leg!” SiblingTM energy.
“Goodbye, variant.” She sure has the Loki drama.
I finally remembered it’s called a TemPad. Rip.
“Don’t ever call me that.”
“Tech savvy?”
That’s so Ragnarok.
I love the music as we pan up to the planet. It’s the familiar, anxiety-inducing ticking for me lads.
“You idiot! This is Lamentis - 1.”
“I don’t know what that means!”
My siblings when I can’t restart the router (every country has an AT&T).
I like that it’s a moon that’s inhabited. It’s nearly always the planet, still not great for the people on it.
That slide to get under the dump truck was so smooth.
“So we’re a team now?” Jesus Loki needs friends. Probably a good therapist too.
“Didn’t need your help!”
“You’re so weird!”
I like the way Tom runs. Don’t know why. Just do.
Sidenote, my favourite running form is Chris Evans’.
Sylvie’s magic flickered so I genuinely think the enchantment didn’t work.
“Well then I’ll cut it out.” I like the way she says that. I am questioning so many things rn.
“Just because I have to work with you doesn’t mean I wanna hear your voice.” It’s ironic since they spend so much time talking about themselves.
“Alright, well, slow down… Variant.” They really play off each other’s egos to find weaknesses.
“You don’t know what you want.” Sylvie’s more straightforward in everything she does. She efficiently points out Loki’s flaws but when it comes to a goal, she’s meticulous.
“...just walk away.” Loki stops walking, but Sylvie does walk away. There is distance between them (for now).
I’ve had experience with mining towns like this one and whilst they weren’t so out-of-this-world (ya know) there is a tendency for rural and isolated communities to struggle with old/not maintained infrastructure. This is not everywhere, but it’s not uncommon from what I know. Even though these towns are a source of wealth, there isn’t distribution of the money and it’s a grim reality that’s being shown. I appreciate it.
The shot of them walking past a slab of that planet towards the hut is incredible. Wow.
The person in there is just waiting for their death. I’m going to be addressing a lot of the harsh realities in this episode folks so it won’t be so cheerful.
I understand that people weren’t so happy with this being a filler episode, but I think they got it right. It’s strange that a literal planet-moon collision doesn’t bring the tension that the hurricane did in the last ep, but by having an atmosphere that wasn't so omnius, they conveyed (to me at least) that hope was already lost. In the Roxxcart Disaster, the people believed that it wasn’t going to be the end. There’s desperation on Lamentis - 1 but as Sylvie said, the collapse of society occurs. That’s a large group of people realising that class divides will cause slaughter. It’s greed portrayed in two different ways, one being the integration of excessive capitalism into society, the other being social structure based on oppression. Not everyone’s reading into Loki like this but it’s a change from how Marvel usually approaches conflict.
We learnt about the characters and whilst I’m not a fan of when a plot line is moot (my bet is that Loki and Sylvie will be rescued next ep, making all the attempts to get off Lamentis - 1 pointless), it’s necessary for the characters to develop. The way Loki and Sylvie end up on Lamentis - 1 makes sense and the plot doesn’t feel forced.
“It’s remarkable that you made it as far as you did.”
Devils is recurring in this episode. Maybe this has implications on future episodes?
“Which one was that, diplomacy?” Why are their interactions so funny?
I don’t think I need to comment on the significance of the train station scene.
I would like to acknowledge that though this is good writing that’s relevant in the time it was released, we shouldn’t forget it’s coming from large corporations who aren’t perfect.
How do they just walk past the line?
The people who snitched were right in front of them.
Did the cat get Loki’s silvertongue? That was the most graceless lying I’ve ever seen.
Sylvie not sitting with her back to a door makes sense, but why won’t Loki go backwards on a train? They both have little quirks.
“That’s not a plan. That’s just doing a thing.” Loki went to the Thor school of planning, it’s Get Help all over again.
Loki’s exaggerated nods at the other guards lol.
Sylvie growls whenever she’s mad, it’s hilarious.
The close ups of their faces when the conversation gets personal and isn’t just trading jabs is great for conveying the authenticity of their answers.
Loki not pressing Sylvie when she clearly didn’t want to talk about what happened to her mother is something I appreciated.
Here’s to Tom for having to do magic for more than 10 years now. He’s so serious, I can only imagine how funny it is without the effects.
“Well she did.” Yeesh, has Loki gotten time to grieve?
Sylvie is genuinely impressive.
“Pity the old woman chose to die.”
“She was in love.”
I don’t quite understand what they were talking about then, I guess we’ll find out later?
Loki, why are you so unnecessarily dramatic?
I laughed. Who am I kidding, they’re dorks and I love them.
Loki is trying to find out anything, anyone who could be used against Sylvie.
Here’s to the postman, they’re probably dead but we appreciate Sylvie’s happiness anyways.
“A bit of both. I suspect the same as you.” AND THAT’S HOW YOU WRITE IN REPRESENTATION FOLKS!
Let’s just take our scraps and be happy, eh? It made my week.
They both need real relationships of any kind, guys.
“Love is… uh, something I might have to have another drink to think about.” Me whenever anyone asks me about my love life.
“You do realise… ...a civilisation’s only hope?” I think this was Sylvie’s way of making sure Loki’s (albeit grey) morals and drinking habits don’t interrupt her plan.
The train sure gives me Snowpiercer vibes.
Do I have to talk about Drunk Loki?
Tom’s singing voice is lovely.
Sylvie’s eyes shift nervously to the door and then back to Loki. She’s initially tense but she relaxes slightly though she knows she’s gonna have to clean up the mess.
“Nobody cares. It’s the end of the world.” Again, Loki’s headspace is one where existence is futile.
The green walls contrast the purple lighting nicely.
You can see plants (?) from the outside if you look out the windows. Talk about attention to detail.
Bruh what is the dagger about? Drunk Loki’s a comedic genius.
The descending notes in the background of Loki’s fireworks.
Sylvie’s smile when she goes to attack is animalistic. I’d like to see her character explored more in terms of how she views violence.
YEET.
“You’re right. I’m a god.” Loki’s defense mechanism is to state that his motives are above the understanding of others.
“You’re a clown.” Sylvie tells it as it is.
Loki and Sylvie’s reactions to the TVA contrast the most here. Sylvie is potentially motivated by vengeance or a need for revenge whilst Loki has resigned to numbing the pain (for now at least) as he comes to terms with his reality. The question of what drives you is so important for these characters, I’m excited to see whether they’ll find a common ground and wreak havoc on the sacred timeline.
Loki and Sylvie both struggle with communicating in a healthy way. Sylvie calls him out on his directionlessness and Loki tells her what may be the harsh reality of her plan. Neither of them are willing to accept it, but there’s potential for a strong bond if they do.
Sylvie’s scream lmao.
I love the colour of Loki’s pants.
Problem? Solution! Do thing! Is Sylvie’s method of thinking when all is lost.
Gosh I love the shots in this episode.
“That’s a pretty good life.” Sylvie’s definitely not lived as a royal, or not from what she remembers.
“I just need to know if I can trust you.” Sylvie giving up how she enchants people is an olive branch because as useful as the things that Loki told her may have been for manipulation, they both know the importance of her upper hand. But she only relents once Loki doesn’t have the TemPad. Later, when she asks whether she can trust Loki, it’s more of a reassurance because he’s already been vulnerable around her.
The actor’s body language and facial expressions are incredible. Loki’s eyebrow’s furrow slightly when Sylvie mentions C-20’s mind but Tom takes a second for the information to be processed rather than instantly reacting to Sophia’s next line. She does the same when Loki talks about the TVA workers being created. What skilled people they are.
The city is a wonderful piece of set design.
“We do, and you can.” They step into the light, neither of them have tunnel vision and are able to see a bigger picture.
“They’re gonna let these people die.” This show explores a side of Loki we haven’t seen before, his morality and compassion. He has grey areas that could be explored in the next season. It also points back to how Sylvie and Loki differ in their view of others. I think this is partially because of their childhoods. Loki was raised as a prince and cared about his people, but Sylvie doesn’t share that perspective (“...they usually survive”), maybe because of her past. Hopefully in the upcoming episodes we’ll get a bit more of her backstory.
That sequence is beyond words. The constantly rotating and revolving camera really hammers home that it’s a disorienting fight for their lives at the end of the world. I’m speechless, just watch it.
The music in that blue-purple-pink club was banging tho.
Loki and Sylvie’s posture, facial expression and general body movement is similar. The variant point is hammered home here.
It’s interesting how Loki is in shock/denial of the Ark being destroyed whereas Sylvie immediately leaves.
The end music of this episode is beautiful. I love how it all builds to leave us on the soft tones of Dark Moon.
No one’s interested, but my mum and I bonded over the Jim Reeves version of this song and the Bonnie Guitar one.
Ep 3 review
Short episode with not much going on other than character development. However, if the first two were anything to go by, this episode will have greater implications on the plot. The pacing of this show is a bit strange, but we may see this change in the next season.
I mentioned previously that it would be a shame if the entire plot of this episode was made irrelevant by how they get off Lamentis - 1 next ep. This show has been really good at keeping us on our toes with the writing so they probably won’t take turns that have been speculated.
Happy mid-season guys! The following two episodes were apparently Tom’s favourites so we can expect some mayhem up ahead. See you next time!
Here's the link to my Ep 2 review
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cocoskween · 4 years
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CK’s 7 Days of Christmas: A Little Midnight Magic
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A/N: Happy Friday babes! It’s that weird time between Christmas and New Years where I’m frantically trying to get my sh*t together before the 1st and I have no idea what day it is but I hope you’re all well! lol I’m back again with Day 6 of my 7 Days of Christmas one-shots and we’re headed down to Hawai’i to visit one of my other fave men in uniform– Commander Steven McGarrett 😍 I’ve been testing the waters, slowly stepping outside my comfort zone and writing for other fandoms I belong to and it was fun writing this short so I hope you all enjoy it!
Warning: mention of panic attack/dealing with anxiety
*any and all feedback are welcome//reblogs and comments are appreciated*
The day after Christmas was always your favorite growing up. It was the one day that your mom would allow absolute laziness and everyone could just relax. As an adult, you have continued to implement this into practice because Christmas had become a major deal once you had moved in with Steve. Yesterday you guys had a full house with Danny and the kids, as well as Grover and his kids. Junior and Tani stopped by about halfway after the opening of gifts and you all got a wonderful surprise when Kono and Chin showed up on your doorstep. Danny, Grace and Charlie left this morning as they had spent the night with the kids wanting to help finish decorating and do your official Christmas Eve movie marathon with you. After the final brunch with your guests this morning, you and Steve retreated to the couch to watch Die Hard.
Around 3 or 4, you guys moved the party to the bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon falling in and out of sleep and moved on to the Fast franchise. You were woken up around 10pm, feeling incredibly nauseous. Trying to keep it down and not wake up Steve, who was fast asleep and snoring next to you. One arm draped over his eyes and the other around your pillow, he had somehow kicked all the covers off his body and was one turn away from rolling off the bed. Hunched over, you crawled out of bed and walked to your en-suite bedroom. Sitting on the side of the tub, a heavy wave of sickness hit you and you lunged for the toilet, barely making it. You spent a couple minutes heaving before it subsided and you could feel a fever beginning to form. Hoping to regulate your temperature you laid down on the cold tile floors and took deep breaths. Your throat felt tight and you figured you should probably get some fluids in you so you headed downstairs to the kitchen.
After creeping past Steve and cracking the door behind you, you ventured in the dark for a glass of water. Thankfully you knew the layout of the house like the back of your hand and you were able to make it to the fridge without tripping over yourself, which you were known to do. After making yourself a glass of water, you sat down at the island and took slow sips, not wanting to upset your stomach any further. You knew you had sort of went crazy with your eating choices over the last week, what with all the holiday parties and get togethers, but not enough that your insides would revolt on you like this. You spent some time reviewing everything you had ate that day and the day before, trying to pinpoint the moment you went wrong but when you came up blank, you laid your head down on the cool granite and tried to will your stomach to relax.
At some point you must’ve fallen asleep because you woke up and the clock on the stove read 11:15pm. Wiping the drool off the side of your mouth, you turned your head towards the living room when you heard Steve’s voice. “You know we have beds for that sort of thing,” he said. There was a playful lilt to his voice and if you squinted hard enough you would’ve been able to see the faint smirk playing on his lips. “Was I snoring? Did I wake you?” You asked as he came further in the kitchen. Stretching your arms above your head, your shirt– which was really his shirt, began to lift and Steve’s eyes followed the movement while he absentmindedly licked his lips. “I turned over and you weren’t there, I figured you came out here to watch tv or something but I found you here, knocked out.” He opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and chugged it. You watched intently as his Adam’s Apple bobbed and you felt a sudden urge to kiss him but you desperately needed to brush your teeth before you so much as breathed in another person’s direction, so you fought the reaction. “No, I just didn’t feel good and needed something to drink, that’s all.” You responded. Turning to you with concern written across his face, he asked “what’s wrong?” You shook your head, “Nothing, probably all the junk I ate these last two days. I’m fine.” You could tell he wasn’t 100% sold but he didn’t push. “Ok, you want some tea? It might help ease whatever it is bothering you.” He was scrounging through the cabinets looking for your tea chest. “To your left babe. And sure. But can you make it the special way?” You asked. Once he found what he was looking for, he placed it on the counter and nodded, moving to grab two cups. When you were little your mom would always make you her “midnight magic” tea when you didn’t feel well or couldn’t fall asleep. It was basically just sleepytime tea with a few added ingredients but as a kid it always seemed like some sort of special potion and you loved whenever she would make it. Your mom passed down the recipe and all it’s ingredients the year you moved out your childhood home and you would make it every once in awhile when you had trouble sleeping. Steve brought the tea to a boil on the stove and poured some in a mug for you before grabbing the cinnamon, sugar, chocolate and milk. However the moment he opened up the carton, your stomach flip flopped and you knew if you didn’t move you were gonna have a mess on your hands.
Running to the guest bathroom off the living room, you heard Steve calling your name but you couldn’t answer. You were afraid what would happen if you opened your mouth. Bent over the toilet bowl, you continue to hack up fluids and air, your stomach contracting and your throat sore. You were so confused, you literally just made that same tea the night before Christmas. Charlie couldn’t sleep and Grace had wanted to learn how to make it so she could do it at home and not once did the milk make you sick. You felt your hair being removed from your back and you knew Steve had joined you. Handing you a hair tie, you fit as much of it as you could on top of your head and took the cool washcloth he handed you and laid it across your forehead. “What do you need?” He asked. “Water,” you coughed out. You made another lunge for the bowl as he hurried back into the kitchen. You stood up and reached for the mouthwash under the sink and gargled for a bite before running the washcloth under more cool water for your head. Opening the medicine cabinet, you looked to see if there was any ibuprofen that you could take. Laxatives, midol, tooth relief, mucinex, but no headache medicine. Oh and your birth control. As your hunt was unsuccessful, you were moving to close the cabinet door when you looked more closely at your contraceptives. The last three weeks were still full. When were they even here in the hall closet? All of a sudden everything made sense and clarity hit you like a brick wall. “Oh sh*t,” you said aloud. “What? What’s wrong?” You looked up in the mirror to see Steve standing behind you, looking a bit anxious with a glass of water in his hand. Needing a moment to process, you answered quickly, “um I need some ibuprofen, do you think you can get me some?” A brief moment of confusion passed over his features before he responded, “yeah, there some in our bathroom.” As he left, you gripped the counter and willed your self to calm down. Ok. Wow. I’m pregnant, you thought. Can I do this? Can I be a mom? Does Steve even want to be a dad? Oh my gosh. You could feel your heart began to beat rapidly and knew you were moments away from a panic attack. You hadn’t had one in ages but you knew the signs and your brain and body were not functioning in tandem at the moment.
When Steve returned to you, he noticed you shaking and murmuring to yourself and knew something was up. “Hey, hey. Look at me. Look at me.” You struggled to take your focus off the floor but found his face and held his gaze. “Repeat after me. 10, 9, 8, 7, 4, 2, 1.” He had learned that its hard for the brain to go into overdrive when having to recite things, like numbers, out of order. The trick came in handy whenever your anxiety would flare and was his go-to to bring you back center. “10, 9, 8, 7.... 6,” you attempted to recite his phrase as your breaths began to even out and your heart rate returned to a normal rhythm. “Don’t say nothing’s wrong because you haven’t had a panic attack like this in months. What is going on?” Steve stood at the doorway and watched as you sat on the toilet and nodded at the medicine cabinet. “Bottom shelf,” you said and waited for him to figure it out. Still lost, he turned to open it and looked at the contents. “Ok, what am I looking at?” Picking up the silver sheet of pills, he turned it over, still confused. “My birth control.” It took about a minute for the confusion to subside and he looked up at you with a questioning gaze. “Are you saying...” he started to ask before his words trailed off. “I don’t know how I forgot about it. I don’t even know why it’s in here and not in our bathroom. But I think–I think I’m pregnant.”
You watched as a million emotions crossed his face before he abruptly turned to you and asked, “are you sure?” You nodded, “I haven’t had my period this month, its pretty regular. I thought it was just the stress of the holidays but I’m pretty sure.” There was a bit of silence before you spoke again. “I’m sorry, I know we’ve never talked about kids. And I know you’re good with Grace and Charlie but that doesn’t mean you want your own.” You were sort of stumbling over your words at this point and you could feel tears starting to blur your vision. You were so lost in all the what if’s of your new reality that you didn’t notice that Steve was on the ground kneeling in front of you. Grabbing you face, a small smile spread across his lips as he said, “we’re pregnant.” A small tear slipped from one of your eyes as your head moved up and down vigorously. “I’m sorry,” you whispered. “For what? This is the best gift you’ve given me babe.” Now you were the one confused. Ready to launch into a thousand questions, he stopped you before you could start, wrapping you in a kiss so scorching, you felt your toes curl. When you broke apart, you sucked in big gulps of air as he ran his hand down the front of your shirt. “I’m gonna be a dad.” He said to no one in particular. “You’re happy?” You asked. Of course you prefer this response to him being upset or mad, but you were shocked at how well he was taking this. “That I’m going to experience parenthood with you? Yeah. There’s a magical thing happening inside of you right now and there’s no gift in the world that could top this.” Giving you another kiss, you wrapped your arms around him and felt a little more of your worry subside. When you came up for air, with humor laced in your tone, you asked “Even better than the new tac belt I just got you?” Smiling at you, he responded, “even better.”
Sitting in the bathroom, locked in his embrace, one thing was for certain— no matter how unprepared or unsure you might be, you knew there was no one else you’d want to embark on this journey with and there was nothing the two of you wouldn’t be able to figure out, together.
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lovebuck · 3 years
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an unplanned proclamation is the perfect amount of fluff and like, real. the anxiety of it and randomly deciding to do it, i loved it. however, i would like to say that just above sea level and the water's crescendo are actually my favorites, re reading your stuff. i forgot the feelings they made me feel and now i'm a mess lol but like everything you write is great so??
ok warning cause this answer is gonna be half vent but wow, this literally means so much to me. both of these fics were written because of my own struggles, and to see them be favorites for someone means a lot. to know that i’ve really channeled my own hurt into something like this that makes others feel that much. it’s everything. excuse me while i go on to ramble but just above sea level was written in a single night on my notes app after i’d dissociated all day. i’d been in a lot of physical pain and dealing with emotional things while literally unable to do anything but sit in a chair and do nothing about it. i felt so hollow of anything but the negative. projecting that onto buck after was what pulled me out of that headspace. and the water’s crescendo? i didn’t go through a tsunami but the bad dreams that buck dealt with and that nightmare that woke him up because he thought he’d lost everything? all my own pain. i cant even read that fic anymore because it’ll hurt too much lmao
aNYWAY! thank you for sharing truly. words dont begin to explain how amazing an ask like this makes me feel
• tell me which of my fics is your favorite
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veilder · 4 years
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3, 10, 11, 17
For the writer meta post, found here! Thanks for the questions!
3.  What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway) 
God, this is such a loaded question. I have soooooo many ideas almost constantly and a whole GDrive folder full of prompts and half-written stories and concepts. Thinking about one scene in particular is... Hmmm... Okay, one thing that I really, really, really wanna do properly some day is a genuine Hank x good!Amanda fic. Because idk when it happened exactly, but somewhere between me deciding that these two are Connor’s parents and now, it just clicked for me. I genuinely think they’d be so good together? Both so jaded and distrusting of a world that hurt and used them, re-learning how to live again with the help of Connor (and/or Nines and Sixty, too)? Realizing they have more in common than they ever thought possible and helping each other overcome their shared griefs and traumas? God, it’s just such a nice thought. They both deserve to be happy.  But yeah, this would take a lot of setup. Just getting Amanda to a state where she’s stable, has a dang body, and is more or less on good terms with the RK Bros would be a fic in and of itself. Idk, maybe... I can try and scrounge something together for Rarepairs Week, lol. I have a soulmate fic started for them somewhere in my mess of WIPs. XD
10.  How would you describe your writing process? 
God, what even is my writing process? I think it’s mostly me moaning about not writing to friends, getting frustrated with myself and getting major anxiety if I have a deadline or have already started posting and don’t have a new chapter ready. For all that I say I like to write the whole fic out before I start posting, I don’t think I waited for a single one of my multi-chapter fics. Uh... Except the one I’m posting now. It’s done, just needs editing.But I digress. One thing I always like to know is at least an approximation of my start and end points. Sometimes I’ll concoct a rough outline of what I think might happen in between but that usually gets thrown out the window by like chapter three or whatever. I’m very, very bad at sticking to a outline so I basically never do it. Instead, I will try to find someone I can talk about the fic idea with, pray that they don’t mind spoilers, and then go to town with ideas until stuff starts clicking. Discussion is definitely my biggest go-to and I just have a terrible time of things if I can’t ramble at someone for far too many words. >_<
11.  What do you envy in other writers? 
God, can I just say like... everything? There are so many authors out there I admire for such a wide variety of reasons. For some, it’s their organizational skills. Knowing they can plan stuff out with such precision is just like... wow. I wish my brain worked like that. For others, it’s the amazing plots or character studies they can delve into. I’m really not a very daring writing when it comes down to it. I don’t go in for heavy subject matter or long-term angst or epic sagas or anything else that makes people go gaga. My stuff is very... trope-y, I guess is the word. Seeing people out there writing such revolutionary stuff, though... Hah, if only.  And then there’s the authors out there with the most gorgeous prose, I swear. Reading their stuff is like a work of art. And I’m just sitting there with my jaw open being like, holy crap. How did you do this?! And then there’s just the ability to write, period! There are some authors who can just whip out masterpiece after masterpiece with barely a pause! They update so fast and it’s always amazing and I... I don’t understand how they can do it. It takes so much out of me, writing a fic. I struggle for weeks on a single chapter. They’ll post a whole, 50k fic in that time. I’m just awed and amazed by people like that. Idk, there’s just so much. Like, I know I’m not the worst writer out there, but I’m certainly far, far from the best, too. And I am very much in awe of all you amazing authors out there who continue to put me to shame, lol. Guess there’s nothing for it but to keep chugging away over here and hope I can improve with time. u^_^
17.  Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?
I’m... not sure how my readers would perceive me, tbh. And really, I think the people who read my works and leave comments seem to follow my plots pretty well? Or, if they have questions, I try to answer them as best I can. Like I said above, my works are kinda... transparent, for the most part. Not too much you have to sift through to figure out what’s going on, I don’t think. And I do my best to have any mysteries solved by the end of the fic, too.  As far as surprising my readers with my motivations... Yeah, idk. I mean, they seem so very apparent to me, lol. I write a lot about family, acceptance, communication, love. All things I think I maybe idealize a bit since there’s not been too much of them in my life. (Or, at least, not in any way I’d think fondly of.) Like, I know I’ve said it somewhere before, but basically all of The Lark Ascending was just me projecting my own traumas and trying to work through them. And the characters I write for, well... They have a lot of those same problems. It’s therapeutic for me, seeing them all through to a happy ending. Makes me think such things are possible, y’know? 
But yeah, I think I’ll just leave it at that. Thank you so much for the questions, friend! Hopefully, I didn’t get too sappy up there, lol! u^_^
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marvelandimagine · 5 years
Text
Framework (Part One)
Summary: Request - Bucky x reader songfic where he pushes her away and they break up but he’s miserable without her and it all ends in fluff and apologies
Pairing: Bucky x reader
Word Count: 2,225
Author’s Note: This is a request from literally three years ago lol / was going to be a one-shot but surprise now it’s a two-shot bc not surprise Megan got carried away!! / based on Framework by The Story So Far
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“What’s up with you lately?”
Bucky’s heartbeat quickens at your question, though he’s been expecting it for days now.
Last week, tangled up with you in bed on a lazy Sunday morning, watching you doze peacefully on his bare chest while he stroked your hair, he had been hit with the full realization that he was in love with you. And that brief rush of, dare he say it, happiness he felt when he just knew, had been quickly extinguished by fear and anxiety. His brain telling him that he had no business staying with you when you deserved someone better, someone stable. Someone whole. Telling him that he needed to run, that you having hold of his heart also meant you had the power to break it. And that lack of control, that vulnerability, it scared him. He’d just started trusting his brain, and he sure as hell didn’t know how to start trusting his heart.
So he started shutting you out. Cold answers. Less physical affection. Trying to find fault in you however he could – anything to make the inevitable more bearable. Forcing himself to create distance so he didn’t shatter when it was over.
He feigns ignorance at your question, though.
“What do you mean?”
He wondering if he’s taken things far enough for you to say you’re done, or if he’s going to have to be the one to pull the trigger.
“I mean you’ve been acting distant and I don’t know why. I didn’t say anything because I thought it was just something you were working through, but it’s lasted long enough where it seems like it’s not just a bad day or a mood.”
You shift your weight on the couch so your whole body faces him but he doesn’t move from his rigid seat, gaze fixed in front.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Now. Just do it now.” His brain is prodding him to end it, but the concern, the care in your tone keeps him frozen in place.
“Babe, look at me.” 
He reluctantly turns his head, eyes flickering up only briefly to meet yours, knowing full well that the longer he looks at you, at those beautiful eyes he had grown so used to losing himself in, the harder this was going to be.
“If you’re struggling with something or if did something that upset you, I want to know about it so we can talk through -”
“We should break up.”
I still think on you, the place, the time
And all the solitude
There’s nothing I hate more
Than pushing you away with my fucked up attitude
Your earnest request for him to open up is too much, giving him the final push he needs to get out.
Still, the silence between you weighs on his chest and he does his best to ignore the sinking sensation in his stomach. 
“Wait, what? You …” You pause, and Bucky can tell you’re rattled as he hears the confusion, the disbelief that hangs in every syllable. “Where is this coming from?” 
He doesn’t have time to formulate a response before you’re asking another question, assuming the worst.
“Did you meet someone else?”
“No.” It’s an immediate reaction this time, a truth he feels he owes you -- the last thing he wants is you thinking he cheated. 
You hesitate for the span of one of Bucky’s pounding heartbeats before you press on.
“Ok. Then can you tell me why you don’t want this anymore? Maybe I’m an idiot, but other than the past few days, I thought things were going really good. And you were just telling me the same thing like a week ago and how happy you were with me and us, so I don’t understand what’s changed.”
Bucky realizes you’re looking for an answer that he’s not willing to give. That no one like you could ever want to be with someone like him, not for the long run, anyway. That his love won’t be enough for you, and he doesn’t think he can handle that. That he’s leaving before he gets left, and that you’ll thank him for it someday. 
That he’s terrified of feeling hurt and used.
So, he lies.
“This relationship doesn’t seem to mean to me what it means to you.” He pauses, eyes fixed on the floor, keeping his tone as detached as possible. “And I don’t think it ever will.”
The silence stretches on for what seems like an eternity between you before your words tumble out
“I don’t believe this. So, the past three months meant nothing to you? What about when you said how glad you were that we had each other, how you wanted to meet my mom … what you’re saying doesn’t match what you’ve been doing.”
Nothing. He doesn’t respond, clenching his flesh and metal hands as he tries to ignore the hurt in your voice. Despite his efforts to push you away, to lessen the blow, this isn’t a clean cut like he thought it would be. This is shot to the abdomen, messy and brutal and aching.
He doesn’t say anything and it finally pushes you over the edge, your yell jolting him out of his head.
“Are you really not even going to look at me?!”
And he does, and it takes everything in him to not change his mind, to just run and hold you and tell you what’s really going on with him as he sees the tears brimming in your eyes.
But he blinks twice, fast, and does his best to go numb.
“I thought I could convince myself that I felt more than I did.”
“Bullshit. This isn’t about you not feeling, it’s about the fact that you are. It’s something real and vulnerable and that scares the shit out of you.”
Goddammit. You knew him too well.
“You can think what you want, it doesn’t change my mind.”
You scoff, brushing away a tear with the back of your hand, your rush of words stinging through him.
“Wow. So I really am an idiot, and you’re a liar, then. Because either you’re not telling me the truth now, or you weren’t telling me the truth the entire time we’ve been together, which is what you’re saying, and that means you were perfectly fine leading me on to believe this was something more than you just wanting someone you could fuck who could make you feel better about your own shit.”
“I’m sorry.” Sorry he’s a mess, that he’s afraid, that he’s hurting you. Sorry that he ever thought he’d be able to have something normal with someone so good and real and bright.
You give a harsh laugh.
“No you’re not. But I am. Sorry that I wasted my time and energy and gave my heart to someone who just fucking shattered it and doesn’t care. Sorry that I fell —” Bucky snaps his head up but you don’t see it, getting up off the couch and pacing, running your hands over your face.
“You know what, it doesn’t matter. Because I guess I don’t matter to you.”
You stop and look at him, your wounded gaze penetrating through him, but he’s not focused on the flash of anger, he’s focused on the silent plea that is just as apparent -- begging him to prove you wrong.
But he doesn’t. 
“Nothing? Wow, alright.” You turn away from him and grab your purse off the kitchen island,not bothering to look at him when you reach the door.
“Just throw out whatever shit I’ve left here out, I don’t want it back.”
He feels the slam of the door reverberating inside his chest, his enhanced hearing unable to ignore the sound of the ragged sob that escapes you now that you’re out of his sight.
Bucky places his head in his hands, trying to even out his shallow breathing. This wasn’t supposed to be this hard. But at least now, no one had a hold on him, right?. Now, he didn’t have to worry about the pain that would come when you inevitably left him for someone better.
But here, right now, the pain is more than enough, and he drags himself off the couch, striding across the living room to the kitchen. He opens the eye-level cabinet, rummaging through clinking bottles, turning them to look for the highest ABV. He settles on a three-quarter full bottle of vodka, debating for half a second on getting a glass, but knows he won’t need it. He slumps back down on the couch, bottle in one hand and the remote in the other.
He turns on the TV, searching until he finds Archer and presses play. He turns the volume up as he brings the bottle to his lips, savoring the way the escaping liquid burns -- anything to distract him from the image of you crying, from the unconvincing loop in his head:
“It’s for the best. It’s for the best. She’s better off. I’m better off.”
And louder, still:
“You fucking coward.”
He’s praying this decision will hurt less in the morning.
-
I’ve been counting paces
Since the last time we touched faces
It’s a lot like trading spaces
Where I’m the dormant one and you’re away
“Somebody had a fun evening.”
Bucky awakens to Sam’s comment and groans in his throat, eyes squinting as they struggle to adjust to the daylight streaming in the apartment. He drags the throw pillow out from underneath him and places it on the top half of his face, relishing its coolness on his pounding headache.
He hears Sam pick up at least two clinking bottles, which is troubling because he only remembers pulling down one.
“Y/N leave already?”
“Fuck.”
The brief memory lapse he was granted upon waking up is gone now, and everything comes back in an instant. He feels fucking awful, nauseous, even, and he knows it has nothing to do with the booze. 
“It’ll get easier with time,” he tells himself, hoping if he wills it hard enough, it’ll come true. 
“She left last night,” Bucky mutters, pressing the pillow down more firmly on his eyes.
“Really? Why?”
Bucky’s murmur is even lower than before, but Sam still catches each word.
“We broke up.”
“Shit, I’m sorry, man. She say why?”
Bucky feels an initial flash of irritation at Sam for assuming you’re the one who chose to end things, but it fades quickly. If he was in Sam’s place, knowing you and how amazing of a person you were, he knows he’d think the same thing. 
“No. I broke up with her,” he replies, his voice low. 
Judging by the silent response, Bucky thinks Sam must’ve left the room, until he feels his ice pack of a pillow ripped out of his hands and smacked against his head.
“What the fuck?!” He sputters, jolting himself upright to see Sam standing over him, arms crossed.
“Give me one good reason why you decided to break up with that angel of a woman.”
Bucky runs his hands through his disheveled hair, muttering darkly.
“None of your business.”
“It is when I’ve got to deal with your moping, hungover ass.” Sam cocks an eyebrow.
“She cheat on you?”
“No.”
“Didn’t think so.” Sam rubs his face, a look of frustration noticeable, like he’s trying to restrain himself from hitting Bucky again.
“Let me get this straight. You, Mr. “I don’t know what normalcy is, I just want stability,” finds a woman -- a good, smart, funny woman -- who, baffling as it may be, wants to be with you and brings some of that normalcy and stability you’ve been talking about into your life.  And just like that, you shut it down out of nowhere?”
Bucky glowers at Sam, gritting his teeth.
“It’s not like that, it’s complicated.”
Sam shakes his head.
“Whatever you say, man. You wanna self sabotage, that’s your deal.” He gives Bucky a wry smile before continuing. “All I’m gonna say is, as someone who’s done that whole deal, it doesn’t work. If you’re serious about building a new life, one you’re actually happy with, you’ve gotta be willing to give people a chance to stick around and be a part of it with you. Give yourself a chance to experience it.” 
Bucky’s irritation with Sam dissipates, turning instead to weariness. Deep down, he knows his best frenemy is probably (not probably, he is) right, but there’s no way he’s going to tell him that. So he settles for a half shrug that Sam answers with a sigh before walking away to the adjacent kitchen, pots and pans now clanging deliberately.
Normally, Bucky would rip the kitchen equipment out of his stupid hands, but right now, he’s just tired. Not just physically, but of himself. The kind of tired where he can’t even bring himself to get off the couch and move to his bed, where the sounds of the kitchen would be muffled.
He just rotates his body to bury his face in the crook of the couch’s arm, punching the pillow into a more comfortable shape beneath him as he tries to ignore the growing lump in his throat. 
He tells himself he made his decision, and now, despite the stinging behind his eyes, he has to live with it.
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my-emotional-self · 5 years
Text
Forever Ago Chapter 6
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Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC
Warnings:  Angst, Swearing, Underage Drinking
Summary: After losing touch with your childhood best friend after graduation, he comes crashing back into your life 15 years later. The feelings you’ve had for him never left you.  But do you forgive him for all those years he ignored you?  Or do you decide he lost his chance with you for good?
A/N: For the sake of this chapter, cause I didn’t even think about the damn dates and times, Chris is 18 ok!!! LOL and because of that fact that in real life, he is not really 18 until June 13th of 1999, I’m not going to go into smutty detail in this chapter. Don’t worry though, I promise there will be some smut still in later chapters.  
Over the next week you kept really busy, trying not to think about going back home.  You had a lot of packing to do because you didn’t know how long it would take you to get the house ready for you to sell.  You also had two photoshoots booked up.  
By the end of the week, you were on a train heading to Boston.  You loved taking the train; it was the least anxiety ridden form of transportation for you. It was also nice to just sit back and relax without having to deal with the panic of being in a car.  
When you first moved out here with your parents when you were younger, you were so nervous about everything.  But then you and Chris became friends and the nerves went out the door.  Now as you were on your way back home, those nervous butterflies began to stir in your stomach.  
Chris had texted you a few times over the last week, checking in to see how you were doing. The first time he texted you, you were unsure if you were going to bother answering him.  After all, that’s what he did to you all those years ago. But you couldn’t stop yourself from texting him back; although you were rather short with your words.  
The train pulled into the station and you grabbed your suitcase.  As you made your way off the train, you walked to the side, not wanting to be in anyone’s way as you pulled your phone out to call for an Uber; but you stopped when you heard someone calling your name.  
Looking up from your phone, your brows furrowed as you saw Chris, clad in a baseball cap and sunglasses, walking towards you.  “What are you doing here?” you asked, confused.  
“I thought I’d pick you up so you didn’t have to call a cab or an Uber,” he stated with a smile; his hands placed in the front pockets of his jeans.  
Nodding your head you walked with him to his car.  You got in the backseat as he got in the driver’s seat and started the short journey to Sudbury.
The ride was quiet for the first half of the journey.  “So how was your trip here?” he asked as you saw him looking at you through the mirror.
You shrugged, “It was fine.” You had taken the trip many times before.  It was about a four and a half hour trip and it gave you plenty of time to either think about things, or to get some work done.  
“Ma wants you to come over for dinner tonight,” Chris spoke from the front seat.  
Looking down at your phone, it was already after four in the afternoon and you were dead tired.  You had a lot of last minute packing to get done. You were also getting some stuff delivered to the house tomorrow to get started on everything.  
“I don’t know Chris. I’m kinda tired,” your voice was soft as you spoke.  You did want to see Lisa, really bad as it had been so long since you had seen her. It had also been forever ago since you last ate a nice home cooked meal; your stomach grumbling just thinking about it.
Chris nodded his head. “I understand.  The invitation is open thought if you’d like to come over. I think she’s making lasagna.”
Chris pulled into the driveway of your home; your heart clenching just looking at it.  The memories you shared with Chris and your parents all came rushing back at once and you had to stop yourself from crying. You didn’t want to cry anymore in front of Chris; you wanted to be strong.  You wanted to get this house ready, sell it, and be done with it all.
As you walked up the walkway, you pulled out your keys before turning to face Chris.  He was standing by the car, arms folding in front of his expanse chest as he gave you a soft smile.  “So, I’ll see you around then?”
Giving him a curt nod, you replied, “Sure Chris.”
~~~
After unpacking your suitcase, you took a short nap before waking up feeling more refreshed. Traveling on the train always made you tired, but nothing a short nap couldn’t fix.  Looking around your room, it gave you a longing; for things to be how they used to be.  
With a smile, you got up off the bed and headed to your closet.  Inside your closet was a secret door, so well hidden that nobody ever found out about it.  It was where you would hide things from your parents.  
Opening the door you grabbed the shoebox you had hidden in there and brought it back to your bed. Upon opening it, you laughed as the memories came rushing back.  The first thing you pulled out was a movie stub ticket.  It was from a movie you and Chris had seen; it was the same night that he kissed you on the cheek; the night you started growing intense feelings for him.  
The next thing you pulled out was your prom ticket, along with a few photos from prom.  Your eyes glossed over with tears as you remembered that night.  
Spring of 1999
It was time for prom and you had been so excited!  Chris asked you to prom, wanting to take you instead of some other girl because he knew the two of you would have a blast together.  
You were in your room at Lisa’s house.  It turns out your parents had asked Lisa to be your legal guardian if anything were to happen to them.  After your parents died and the will was read, you were shocked to say the least. The two of you talked and you didn’t want to see your childhood home, so Lisa helped in renting it out until you either turned 18, or decided what to do with it.  Since you turned 18 a few months ago, you decided to keep renting it out; you would sell it when you were ready to, or move in.  
Placing the last of your makeup on, you took one last look at yourself in the mirror before joining everybody downstairs.  
As you made your way down the steps, you could hear the murmurs of the Evans clan talking in the living room.  Rounding the corner, you stood in awe at how great Chris looked in a tux.  
“Wow Jess, you look beautiful,” Chris beamed as he came over to hug you.  
“You look pretty handsome yourself,” you replied with a smile.
He placed the corsage over your wrist and the two of you took pictures together before leaving for the prom.  
The night was spent with laughing and dancing.  Your favorite part was the slow dances with Chris.  He was the best dancer ever as he held you gently, the two of you swaying back and forth.  Feeling him so close to you, his breath fanning your face, it took everything in you to not lean up and kiss his gorgeous full lips.  
The two of you were a giggling mess as you made it back home. Instead of going to bed, you two decided to head down into the basement and keep the night going.  Chris had begged Carly to get him two bottles of champagne, under the promises he would drink it at home after prom and not leave the house.  Chris was always good on his word so Carly hid both bottles in the basement.  
Chris corked both bottles and you each took one.  “To an amazing night, with the best company I could ever ask for,” Chris said as the two of you clinked the bottles together.
The two of you began to talk and you couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling of wanting to be with Chris.  It was such a cliché to have sex on prom night, but over the last couple of years, you always knew you wanted to lose your virginity to Chris; because Chris actually meant something to you.  You knew there was feelings of love from both of you; you just may have felt the feeling a little bit deeper, but it didn’t matter at this point.  
You knew Chris wasn’t a virgin.  He was a player or anything; he wasn’t the type to sleep around.  But you knew for a fact he wasn’t a virgin.  
Taking one more sip of your champagne, you decided to ask him. “Chris,” you spoke softly, nerves getting the best of you.  “I know it’s kinda stupid and all…,” you began to say but he quickly cut you off.
“Jess, nothing you say is stupid.”
“Promise you won’t make fun of me then?  Or think I’m weird?”
He took your hands in his, giving you a smile.  “Jess I could never make fun of you.  You’re my best friend and I love you.”  He had said those words before to you, and you to him; but you had a feeling your words were a little different from him.  
“Will you have sex with me?  Tonight?  Right now?” you blurted out, wanting to get this part over with.  
His brows rose at your words.  “That was…not what I was expecting you to say.”
You pulled your hands from him.  “Ugh, just never mind.  Pretend I didn’t even say anything,” you said, feeling embarrassed as you began to get up from the couch.  
“No wait, Jess that’s not what I meant.  I just wasn’t expecting you to say that,” he said, coaxing you back down onto the couch.  “I mean, are you sure about this?”
Biting your lower lip, you nodded.  “I want my first time to be with someone special.  And there is no one else out there more special than you. I trust you Chris, and I know you will make it better because we are so close and have that trust.”
Chris stared at you with his deep blue eyes; your heart starting to pound in your chest.  You weren’t sure if he would go for your idea, but it didn’t hurt to try.  He glanced down at your lips before meeting your eyes with his again.  
He leaned towards you, taking his hands and placing them on either side of your face.  Slowly, his lips connected with yours.  It was like a burst of fireworks went off as you closed your eyes.  His lips were soft against yours as he tilted his head to get a better angle.  The kiss deepened and you felt your belly doing flips of happiness.  
Chris parted his lips, tracing your lower lip with his tongue. You hungrily opened your mouth for him as his tongue explored yours.  A soft moan escaped your throat at the feeling.  Chris pulled away, a smile tracing his mouth.  His eyes searched yours as if asking permission and you gave him a nod.  But the way his eyes were looking at you, made your heart flutter.  He had never looked at you with such adoration before; it gave you hope.  
End Flashback
That night had been, without a doubt the best night of your life.  Your first real kiss with Chris.  The way he held you as he made love to you.  The way he looked deep into your soul.  For one small second, you thought maybe things would progress in your relationship; but it never did.  
Even after Chris ignoring you after all those years, you never once regretting sleeping with him. He had made your first time special, and that was all you wanted.  
Now you were horny and sad as you sat in your childhood bedroom, thinking about how amazing your first time with Chris was.  Wiping your tears with a Kleenex, you were startled by the doorbell ringing.
Tag List: @chrisevansfanfic @jinoraskies @patzammit @brastrangled @miss-cap21 @princess-evans-addict @remember-that-one-blog @the-real-kellymonster @white-chocolate-mocha-fan @pumbibaby @guera31 @zohoffman @kanupps06 @libbitinasdeath @hispeculiartreasure @sincerelyfan @projectxhappiness @ssweet-empowerment @sfreeborn @jjle @badassbaker @sophiealiice @poerebel @mrs-captain-evans @crushed-pink-petals @supernatural-girl97 @laochbaineann @esoltis280 @coffeebooksandfandom @joannie95 @3dsaunt
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disasterdeacy · 5 years
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Angel Eyes: Joe Mazzello x Reader
Requested By: @sean-macguire
Request: “just fluff with roger or joe, idm who”
A/N: Thank you so much for requesting doll! I hope you like it, I’m sorry if it isn’t what you wanted, but it kind of took on a life of its own lol. I made the setting Alabama, mainly because that’s where I’m from, and also bc Joe’s good ole boy Eugene Sledge accent makes my heart tingle so I needed an excuse to include this lol. Requests are open, so feel free to send them my way! Character: Joe Mazzello x Reader Word Count: 4,046 (I got carried away wow) Warnings: Fluff, mentions of anxiety, panic attacks Summary: When your parents insist on meeting your new boyfriend Joe, you’re more than excited. You love your family and their opinion of your significant other means the world to you, you know they’re going to love him no matter what, but Joe is absolutely paralyzed with fear. After you touchdown, you two are immediately on your way to your childhood home, Joe has been silent the whole flight, and his insecurities begin to show. Always the empathetic girlfriend, you pull off the interstate and reassure the love of your life.
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  When (Y/N)’s parents called her a few weeks ago, requesting she bring her boyfriend of 6 months home with her for the 4th, you were overjoyed. Joe was the only person in her life she you loved more than her family, and for all of the most important people in her life to be in one place made her heart so happy. The only thing that could make it even better is if Gwil, Lucy, Rami, and Ben could’ve been there as well. (Y/N)  decided to tell Joe about the invitation as soon as he arrived home that night from set, knowing that they both would need to go ahead and make travel arrangements to travel from NY to Alabama. So, as soon as Joe walked through the door that night, (Y/N) was immediately at his side, arms around his waist. Joe chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to your temple as he swayed the two of them in place. “Wow wow wow, this is the most affection you’ve ever shown me Ms. (Y/N), did you run over my cat?” Joe laughed as she pressed an affectionate kiss to his neck. (Y/N) scoffed and pulled away from his embrace, swatting him on his shoulder. “Joseph Francis! You better shut your mouth, you know damn well that I am the most affectionate human being alive.” Joe laughed and danced away from (Y/N)’s playful swat, grabbing her around the waist once again as she pouted. “I know babe, I know, and I have no idea what I did to deserve someone like you.” (Y/N) had thought the same thing, from the moment she and Joe had went on their first date, to now, she was extremely confused as to how she had managed to find someone as wonderful and kind as Joe. He was the kind of man that her parents had always hoped she’d bring home one day, which was why she was so excited to tell him about the phone call. (Y/N) smiled and placed a kiss on Joe’s nose before pulling away from his embrace, he frowned at the loss of contact, and proceeded to follow her to the kitchen like a lost puppy as she went to prepare dinner. “Well, we’ll see how you feel about me when I tell you about the phone call I got today.” she said as she rounded the corner of the kitchen island. Joe raised an eyebrow at her statement, situating himself onto a stool across the island for her. “Oh really now? What could you have possibly done my darlin?” (Y/N) chuckled at Joe’s attempt at copying her slight accent, and pulled 4 cloves of garlic from the windowsill to begin mincing. “So, my mom called today,” she didn’t get a chance to finish that statement before Joe’s face went white as a sheet. The sudden change in pallor of her boyfriend’s face concerned (Y/N), so she halted her mincing and continued her statement. “and you know my family has a big 4th celebration. My mom and dad want you to come, they want to meet you. If you’re okay with it of course.” (Y/N) didn’t want to rush him into anything, but they had been dating for a little over 6 months, and she’d met his entire family after only dating for a month and a half. The silence that filled the room afterwards didn’t last too long, as Joe cleared his throat and his face turned beet red. “I would love to meet your parents (Y/N).” Joe reached over the island with a shaky hand and pulled the hand that wasn’t covered in garlic mush towards him. He was extremely red, and looked to be on the verge of tears. (Y/N) placed the knife down before wiping her hands on a hand towel, and walking around the island to stand at Joe’s side. “Babe, if you don’t want to go it’s okay. I don’t want to rush you into something.” she leaned against the island and took Joe’s shaking hands into her own. Joe sighed and looked up at her, “No darling, I want to, I want to meet them more than you know..” “But?” “But what if they hate me, and what if your dad thinks I’m not good enough for you, and what if your brother thinks.” (Y/N) cut him off by delicately pressing your lips to his own, moving her hand from his hands to the hair at the nape of his neck, gently caressing the area which she knew would immediately calm him down. Throughout the 6 months that the two had been together, (Y/N) had come to realize that Joe had a slight anxiety problem, which was completely understandable, as she had one herself. While she knew that Joe’s anxieties were usually easily remedied by talking them out with her, (Y/N) had never been the cause of his anxiety, and she didn’t particularly like the feeling. (Y/N) pulled her lips from his and pulled his face towards her neck, his favorite place to relax after a stressful day, he really was the softest boyfriend anyone could ever hope to have “Joe, I can promise you, with everything that I have, my entire family will love you. I promise. They’ve never wanted to meet any of my other boyfriends before, and all my mom wants to talk about is you when we’re on the phone.” Joe sighed into her neck, placing a soft kiss there as she  ran her fingers through his hair. “I know. I just know how much your family means to you, and I really don’t want to mess this up. I love you too much to let you go.” (Y/N) leaned into Joe and placed a kiss to the top of his head. “You don’t have to worry about it bub, they’re going to see how much you love me, and how much I love you, and that’s all they’re going to care about. Plus, my little cousins are very excited to meet you.” (Y/N) felt Joe chuckle against her neck before looking up at her.
“Jurassic Park” they both answered before dissolving in a fit of laughter. (Y/N) ruffled Joe’s hair before unraveling herself from him to continue cooking. Joe was suspiciously silent as (Y/N) continued mincing the remaining 3 cloves of garlic, before he rose from his spot across from her, rounding the island to wrap his arms around her waist, resting his head in the crook of her neck and shoulder. “Thank you (Y/N). You have no idea how much I appreciate you.” (Y/N) turned her head, placing a small kiss to his nose for the second time that night. “I do know, and I love you, but I would love and appreciate you even more if you would slice the carrots and potatoes.” Joe laughed and popped (Y/N) on the ass before heading to the refrigerator to get the vegetables his girlfriend had requested. ‘Maybe it won’t be that bad’ he thought, after all, he felt like he knew (Y/N)’s family well enough from the way she would talk about them. Joe nodded his head as he picked up the carrots from the crisper, ‘I’ll be fine.’
 2 Week Later (Y/N) and Joe had successfully made their way to their rental car after departing the arrivals terminal, which was far more crowded than (Y/N) had ever seen it. The two had managed to have a very good flight, despite departing JFK at 6am, thankfully (Y/N)’s family only lived a short hour from Birmingham, allowing them an easy drive home. Her mom had offered to come and pick the two up at the airport, but (Y/N) had refused, not wanting Joe to feel awkward cooped up in a small car with only her and her mother for an hour. She preferred for Joe to meet the whole family at one time to prevent repeated introductions. As they placed their bags into the small Camry, (Y/N) took the keys from Joe’s hands before kissing his forehead. “I’ll drove babe, I think I know the way pretty dang well.” Joe laughed, of course, this is where his girlfriend had been raised, of course she should drive. The first 30 minutes of the drive passed with relative ease, the two were engaging in the usual easy conversation they normally had, (Y/N)’s ABBA playlist blasting from the stereo as she pointed out small landmarks along the highway. However, after another 15 miles, signs began appearing referencing (Y/N)’s hometown. 20 miles, 15 miles, 10 miles, as they passed the 5 mile sign, Joe’s stomach began to drop. Even though (Y/N)’s pep talk 2 weeks earlier, Joe couldn’t seem to shake the insecurities which resided in the deepest recesses of his mind. He knew that (Y/N) loved him, and would love him no matter what, but he also knew that she loved her family as aggressively. If he didn’t impress her family, she would break up with him, he was sure of it, and if there was anything in this world that he wanted any less, it would be for (Y/N) to end their relationship. Though the two had only been together for 6 months, Joe had never felt as strongly for anyone as he did for (Y/N). The sheer thought of her leaving made Joe’s heart constrict, and he felt his stomach drop. The tell tell signs of a panic attack. He could feel the tears starting to build in his eyes, and the grip he had on his hands tightened to a near dangerous level, he knew he would be bleeding if he wasn’t careful. Meanwhile, (Y/N)’s favorite ABBA song, Angel Eyes, came up on her playlist. Her own eyes lit up underneath her sunglasses, before she turned her head to Joe to get him to join her in a duet. However, the sight that she was met with was one which she didn’t expect, one that made her stomach sink. Her sweet boyfriend was sat straight up in the passenger seat, hands balled in fists, breathing heavily as tears ran from his sweet hazel eyes. (Y/N) had been dreading this, she’d known that the talk the two had had in their kitchen 2 weeks previous had calmed Joe down, but she had a small inkling that he wasn’t completely at ease. She hadn’t been either when she’d met Joe’s family, but he had done the same thing for her, reassuring her that his family was going to fall as deeply in love with her as he had. This had worked, though she still felt nervous upon meeting the Mazzello clan. However, as she looked over at her usually funny, loud, and fun loving boyfriend, she knew that this was completely different from nerves. He was having a panic attack. Seeing a gas station ahead, (Y/N) stepped on the gas a little harder than usual, desperate to comfort Joe as soon as possible. Once she reached the Texaco station, she pulled off to the side, unbuckled her seatbelt, and rushed to Joe’s side of the car. Joe hadn’t even noticed that the car had stopped until he felt his car door open, and two hands grasp his own. The sudden movement jarred Joe from his own mind, forcing his eyes to the source of the interruption. He looked to his right, and saw (Y/N) kneeling at the side of the car, knees on the probably boiling asphalt, a desperate look in her eyes. “Joe? Joe, bub, listen to me, you’re okay, I’m here, you’re okay.” (Y/N) was staring intently into his tear filled eyes, trying to get his attention away from whatever was inside his head, to her voice. At the sound of his girlfriend’s voice, Joe seemed to snap out of it, unbaling his hands, wincing at the sharp pain his nails had caused. (Y/N) sighed out of relief, but it was short lived as Joe’s eyes finally overflowed with the previously unshed tears. His chest began heaving, and he looked at (Y/N) desperate for some kind of relief. She sprung into action immediately, unbuckling her boyfriend’s seatbelt and yanking him out of the car into the overbearing July heat, before pulling him flush to her body. Her hand went straight into his hair, gently tugging on the roots to try and ground him, it had always worked for her when she had panic attacks, so she figured she might as well give it a go. Joe continued sobbing, whispering incoherently into (Y/N)’s ear, his sobs wracking his body so bad that she couldn’t understand a word he said. She began whispering to him as well, gentle words of affirmation, just trying to calm him down enough so she could get him to talk to her. The two stood like this for a good 15 minutes, Joe sobbing into (Y/N)’s shoulder, but eventually his sobs began to subside enough for him to speak. (Y/N) felt Joe raise his head from her shoulder, and she untangled her hands from his hair, moving them down to grasp his cheeks, but not before wiping the evidence of her own tears from her face. “Joe, honey, please talk to me, what’s wrong?” Joe began to tear up again, which prompted (Y/N) to pull his head towards her so she could place a comforting kiss on his head. “It’s okay love, just talk to me. Please.” Her voice cracked as she looked into Joe’s eyes. Hearing his girlfriend’s voice crack seemed to stir something inside Joe, seemed to ground him. He quickly wiped his eyes, and sighed, hugging (Y/N) as tightly as he could. “I’m sorry. I’m so so so sorry (Y/N), I…” Joe attempted to apologize, but (Y/N) stopped him. “Joe, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for, you had a panic attack because you are meeting MY parents, if anything I should be the one apologizing to YOU.” This caused Joe to now grasp (Y/N)’s hands, and stare her deep in the eyes. “No, (Y/N) don’t. This is me. This is all me. I, I just love you so fucking much, and I was just thinking out of my ass, and got scared, and then I scared you, and the last thing I want to ever do is scare or hurt you.” Joe’s voice was shockingly calm as he relayed this to you. “What were you thinking of Joe? What could’ve possibly made you so scared that you had a panic attack. It’s just my family, I’ve already told you that you have nothing to worry about. They’re going to love you because I love you.” (Y/N) was now desperate, wanting nothing more that to make Joe feel better. Joe sighed, running his hands over his face, and then through his hair. “That’s the thing (Y/N) its not “just” your family, you love your family more than anything on this planet. I hear how you talk about them, the way your mom raised you to be independent, the way your dad was the one you always turned to when you needed advice, the way your brother would absolutely decimate any boy who ever hurt you, you love every single person in your family so much, and I just don’t see how I could ever measure up to that.” (Y/N) opened her mouth to reply, but Joe continued on. “I’m 35, I’m an actor, I’m too short, I’m not attractive enough, I don’t have any special qualities, I don’t deserve someone as amazing as you, and your family is going to see that, and they’re going to tell you, and then you’re going to leave me, and I don’t know what I would do. I love you, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone on this planet. I have no idea how I have managed to live this long without you in my life, but I know for certain that I couldn’t go back to living my life normally if you ever left me, especially if it was because I just wasn’t good enough for you.” By the time Joe finished, (Y/N) had tears running down her face, her heart breaking as the man whom she loved more than life itself spilled his deepest thoughts to her. She had no idea Joe felt this way, she knew that he was nervous about meeting her family because he didn’t think they would like him, but she had no idea that the underlying meaning behind this was the fear that she would leave him. She couldn’t imagine her life without him, she had told him countless times that the only way anyone would ever manage to pry her away from Joe was if she died, to which Joe had replied with “Then they’ll just have to throw me on the fire with you, we’ll go out Dany and Drogo style babe.” Now, that same insanely confident, loving, incredible man, was stood in front of her, broken. (Y/N) quickly wiped her tears away, this wasn’t about her, and she didn’t want Joe to feel guilty over her tears. “Joseph. You listen, and you listen good. I will NEVER leave you, you understand me?” Joe was still looking at the ground, in the same position that he’d been in when he began his speech, but he lifted his head at (Y/N)’s words, hazel eyes meeting her own, before giving her a small nod. “I fucking love you Joe, I love you more than anything on this planet, and that includes my family.” Joe let out a small gasp at this, (Y/N)’s family was the most important thing to her, it was the whole reason he was so scared. Yet, here she was revealing that HE was the one thing on this floating rock that she loved the most. “Don’t you see that Joe? I love you, and I would do absolutely anything to make you feel happy, safe and loved. You are the most important thing to me, and if my family doesn’t like you, then that’s tough titties. They can learn to get used to not seeing me at family gatherings, because anyone who doesn’t love you, doesn’t love me. You are the smartest, most loving, caring, kind, incredible, fucking gorgeous, talented man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and somehow you’ve chosen to gift me with a little portion of your life.” (Y/N) had ahold of Joe’s face again, her hands delicately placed on his face, keeping his eyes locked onto her own in order to make him realize that every word she said was true. It must have worked, because the corner of Joe’s mouth began to lift, and he placed his hand on one of (Y/N)’s before lifting it slightly in order to place a kiss to her palm. This small action was one of her favorite forms of affection, and it elicited a small smile of her own. Soon enough, Joe had wrapped his arms around (Y/N) as tightly as he could, reveling in their closeness despite the sticky heat. “Hey, y’all okay?” came a call from the front of the Texaco, jerking the two from their embrace. There was an older man, probably 60, stood poking his head out the front door, looking intently at the two of them. Joe burst into a fit of laughter, his eyes crinkling at the corners, her favorite smile of his, throwing his head back as (Y/N) joined him. “Yes sir! Boyfriend is just nervous about meeting my family!” (Y/N) yelled back at the man. The store clerk nodded his head and held his index finger up, signaling the two of them to wait before he headed back into the store. (Y/N) and Joe stared at one another with equally confused looks on their faces before more laughs erupted from their mouths. “Are you sure you’re okay now Joe? We can always turn back around and tell my family that I came down with something.” Joe smiled over at (Y/N) before leaning against the car, immediately regretting it as he felt the sharp sting of hot metal against his skin. (Y/N) let out a snort as her boyfriend hopped around like rabbit in an attempt to get the burning to stop, earning her a pointed look from Joe, which only made the two laugh again. “I’m sure babe, sometimes you just have to have a mental breakdown to see the light.” (Y/N) crossed her arms and gave Joe a look that said ‘you’re deflecting’. “I promise (Y/N), after all, I might as well go ahead and meet these wonderful southerners before the wedding.” (Y/N) raised an eyebrow at Joe, “The wedding huh?” Joe simply smiled and slung his arm around her shoulders “Well duh, anybody who has seen my dick, met my parents, AND seen me have a panic attack has to be in for the long haul.” Joe’s spin on one of (Y/N)’s favorite John Mulaney jokes made her smile and thump his arm, which caused Joe to over dramatically flinch. He opened his mouth to make a smart retort towards (Y/N), but was interrupted at the sound of glass clanking against itself, making him turn around to see the store clerk from earlier waltzing towards the, now very sweaty, lovebirds. “Here ya go kids, meeting the parents is the worst part, but if you show up with something to wet their whistles, ya certainly won’t be too far on their bad sides.” the older man handed a bag full of various alcoholic beverages into Joe’s hands as (Y/N) attempted to offer payment, to which the man replied, “Absolutely not ma’am, the two of you remind me of my wife and I. I remember just how nervous I was when I met her folks, and how much I had wished I would’ve had some liquid courage. Y’all be careful.” And with that, the older man walked back through the front of the store. (Y/N) only shook her head, muttering something about “sweet home alabama”, as Joe situated himself back in the front seat of the car. As he waited, he pulled up (Y/N)’s ABBA playlist and selected her favorite song, just in time for the love of his life to open the door and plop down beside him. The opening “Ahahas” of Angel Eyes blasted through the speakers, causing (Y/N) to jump. “JOSEPH!” Joe simply laughed, taking her right hand into his, before bringing it up to his lips. “I thought you wanted to duet.” (Y/N) merely rolled her eyes, looking into the love filled ones of her boyfriend. Honestly the two of them were sickening. “Put on your seatbelt Mazzello, state troopers have quotas to meet, and I’m not a fan of getting tickets for unsafe driving.” Joe simply laughed in response, clicking his seatbelt in front of him as (Y/N) peeled out of the Texaco and towards her family’s house. 10 minutes, and 2 intense ABBA jam sessions later, (Y/N) pulled into a long gravel driveway, covered in cars. Joe felt his stomach start to sink again, but upon feeling (Y/N)’s hand in his, he smiled. “Ready my dude?” (Y/N) grinned over at him as she squeezed his hand in reassurance. “Ready Freddie.”
A/N: *insert gif of Joe saying “I don’t know how to end it” here.
227 notes · View notes
artificialqueens · 4 years
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Laws of Motion / Chapter 6 (Trixya) - DenDenMonMon
Chapter Summary: Violet was the first one to notice how Katya’s face fell when Trixie mentioned having a date, even before Katya did it herself. She brushed it off with a joke, but was extra careful with her facial expressions when a different guy was mentioned the following week. 
A/N: Firstly, congratulations! You’ve made it past the first half of the story.
Now, some things have been brought to my attention and I’d like to remind you that, even when this ended up having close to no resemblance to b99, it is supposed to be a story based on the premise of the show. Cases and personal issues are meant to be solved easily and in rather unusual ways. I am aware that this is a “cops story” so a little bit of drama and action are expected. I’d like to think that this fic stands right in the middle of everything I just mentioned, this particular chapter specifically. My rambling will soon make sense lol
As always, thank you so, so much for reading!
-Monkey
 AO3 Link
Chapter 6 - Black
The trial was long, and exhausting. By the end of the month, Katya felt drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Katya, and Trixie —and the entire squad— knew there was enough evidence to put Manila Luzon in jail for the rest of her days. The tricky part was the shark of a lawyer that she hired. Katya had worked with Courtney Act many times in the past. She was an attorney assigned to many of the crimes Katya had solved. They were an amazing team that could easily put a case together and throw a criminal behind bars. It didn’t make sense for Courtney to be representing the defendant instead of working towards locking her up. Knowing that Courtney was trying to keep Manila from going to prison, made Katya wonder if they were wrong. Money couldn’t be the reason, she was not that type of lawyer. Courtney’s moral compass was never compromised, she only assisted the innocent; and Manila Luzon couldn’t possibly be innocent.
Going against a friend only added more stress to the situation, to the point where Katya felt close to giving up many times. Courtney knew her, and knew her well. Through the many years working together, they had developed an instinct to predict each other’s actions. It had been a strength, they had been unstoppable in the courthouse. Now, it was a weakness, it was an issue for Katya. Courtney could pretty much read Katya’s mind and go a step ahead of her thinking process. It wasn’t a nice feeling.
All the anxiety played with Katya’s head. She hated how words would stumble with themselves when they tried to leave her mouth. Even when she knew exactly what she wanted to say, her thoughts would crash against one another and come out sounding like nothing but mumble jumble.
There was one single person helping her to keep it together. Trixie. Trixie, with her light sense of humor and unshakable confidence, became the point of balance Katya needed to work the case. If Katya felt Courtney and her vibed in the same wavelength; Trixie and Katya’s hearts beat at the same rhythm. It was something Katya had noticed early on. Since the moment they started finishing each other’s sentences, she knew they shared some sort of unspoken understanding that carried them through the same twisted train of thought. It wasn’t unusual for them to turn a regular conversation into something dark, sarcastic, and insanely funny. Most of the times, their rotted remarks were funny just to them, leaving everyone else in the room excluded from the joke; and they were okay with that.
Katya was completely aware of the spark between them. She kept chalking it up to other things, though. The good days, to their shared sense of humor; and the bad days, to the amount of stress they were going through together. Anything other than actual feelings, worked. She was also aware that the last time she had sex had been with Trixie, yet again, that didn’t mean much. The fact that Katya hadn’t hooked up with anybody else after Trixie, had a lot more to do with lack of time than anything else. At least that’s what she told herself to stay sane.
Violet had commented on it, pointed out how Katya hadn’t brought up any sexual extravaganza in a long time. Just as she had promised, Katya didn’t tell anybody about the encounters she had with her fellow detective, but Violet could see right through her. Violet was the first one to notice how Katya’s face fell when Trixie mentioned having a date, even before Katya did it herself. She brushed it off with a joke, but was extra careful with her facial expressions when a different guy was mentioned the following week.
None of that really mattered when the head of the jury pronounced the words they had so eagerly been waiting for. Manila Luzon was found guilty for the death of all seven young women and given a life sentence for each of the killings.
The excitement was such that it brought tears to Katya’s eyes. She jumped and screamed and cursed out loud when the news was delivered to her. After hugging everybody within arms reach, she went to the cold cases room and cried. A wave of emotions hit her at once and she allowed it. Every single one of those emotions burned deep inside her stomach, and she let them. After feeling too much, all at once, for too long, there was finally freedom. She had done it. She had closed her one unsolved case. Her fears were put to rest, at least the ones that constantly told her she wasn’t good at her job. She could breathe again. It was almost as if she hadn’t noticed the constant pressure in her chest until it was released.
It surprised nobody but Katya when Captain Charles approached her with an idea. He wanted her to take the sergeant exam.
Deep inside her, she knew she could do it. Any doubt in her head about her abilities had just vanished, she had momentum, there was no logical reason to decline the offer. So, she sent in an application. In her mind, her twisted excitement for anything that would give her results, was the only excuse to finally agree. In her heart, she needed one more confirmation that she was indeed meant to do this.
The board was going to take a few weeks to get back to her, review her case and see if she was even eligible to take the exam. In the meantime, they had a victory to celebrate. The whole precinct had been invited to the usual bar that Friday night, it had been a team effort, after all.
Katya promised to pick Trixie up, and she waited for Katya outside her apartment building. Trixie wore a similar dress to the one she had on the night they met. Coming back to the place where it all started felt somewhat important; replicating some aspects of it, even if it was just the way she was dressed, seemed important to Trixie. She was sure Katya didn’t share the same thoughts, and Trixie wanted to believe she was okay with it. She had always been extremely sentimental about these things, anyways. She had stubs from the first concert she ever attended, she kept a napkin from the date she had with her high school crush, even the wrapper of the piece of gum her best friend offered her the day they met. She held on to things that brought her back, that carried nice feelings. Katya didn’t seem like that type. She was such a free spirit, surely she didn’t have a box of crap under her bed, tying her down to the past.
The freedom of her being was confirmed when a black car stopped right in front of Trixie. Katya’s top half stuck out of the window of the passenger seat. The wind messed with her hair as she laughed happily.
“Get in, loser, we are going partying!”
Trixie shook her head, a wide smile dancing on her lips, as she extended her hand to reach for the back door.
“No, get in the front.”
Without waiting for an answer, Katya pulled herself back inside the car and jumped to the back. Her ass wiggled inside the tight skirt as she tried to make her way between the front seats. Exaggerated grunts left her mouth as she pretended to have a hard time doing so. It was clearly an act, there was no way her flexible body could be giving her any trouble.
Trixie was still laughing when she sat on the passenger seat. “Was that a Mean Girls reference?” she asked Katya, without looking back, her eyes cast down as she found the buckle of the seatbelt.
“That would be impossible, I’ve never watched that movie,” Katya answered as the car started moving. Her voice sounded far, almost as if her head were somewhere near the floor of the vehicle.
“What?!” Trixie asked in shock. “Are you for real?” She turned her head to face the backseat. Just as she had pictured it, Katya was lying face down, probably trying to reach for something she had dropped. In an attempt to get an accomplice, Trixie turned to the driver. “Can you believe this bitch?”
“I actually haven’t watched it either,” the man replied. His eyes were directed to the road ahead of them, but a smile made way to his lips. “At least not all of it. I’ve seen pieces, though.”
“Oh, wow!” Trixie didn’t know what shocked her the most; the fact that she was in a car with two people that had never watched Mean Girls, or the deep voice of the driver.
“So, to answer your question, I guess I can believe this bitch,” he continued.
Katya’s laughter was heard, and something that sounded a lot like ‘rotted’ left her mouth between wheezing sounds.
Trixie stared at him in shock for a moment. He was funny, and handsome, sexy even. His look seemed to come straight out of a seventies’ porno, with his salt and pepper mustache, and the top buttons of his shirt wide opened. The tone of his voice was so low and so… sensual. Trixie was right away fixated by him.
“You have a great, like, radio voice,” she thought out loud. “Do you get that a lot?”
The driver’s laughter was even more mesmerizing. “I do quite a lot, actually.” He looked at her, the side smile making him look even sexier. “I take it as a compliment. I appreciate it. Thank you.”
“Oh, definitely, definitely,” Trixie assured him. She bit the inside of her cheek, thinking for half a second before speaking, something that she had just recently started trying. “Can I ask you something weird that may be offensive?”
“Please do, those are my favorite kind of questions.” Weirdly, he meant that. There was not a trace of sarcasm in his voice.
“Are you gay?”
Up until that moment, Katya had been relatively quiet in the backseat. Her screeching laugh sounded loud and clear inside of the small car. Her arms and legs kicked up in the air as she fell on her back completely.
Trixie’s eyes, filled with confusion, travelled between the girl flopping like a fish out of water, and the driver smiling softly behind the wheel. “What? What?”
“Nothing,” the guy spoke evenly, a complete contrast to the dying foghorn in the backseat. “That’s just another thing that I get pretty often.”
“Oh, yeah, I can totally see it,” Trixie agreed. “You have, like, that daddy’s voice that I’m sure a lot of gay guys find attractive.”
“A lot of gay guys and young women too,” he said.
Trixie nodded her head. “It must have something to do with daddy issues, don’t you think?”
He hummed an approval. “Had never seen it that way, but thanks for the analysis. I now have something to think about.”
Katya slapped the back of his seat, apparently oblivious to the conversation taking place. “Hey, hey, are you gay?” She pronounced the words in a girly, sing-song voice, which immediately elicited loud laughter from the driver.
“Oh, God! I can’t believe I almost forgot about that.”
“I always like to know if a guy is gay,” Katya continued with her put on voice, before another giggle attack hit her.
The man turned to Trixie, a look close to apologetic filling his features. “You see, there’s this awful film that Katya and I used to watch–”
“Wait, what?” Trixie interrupted him. “You know each other?”
“Of course, bitch.” Katya poked her head between them. “This is my friend Craig! He lives across the hall from me. I talk about him all the time!”
Trixie was sure her jaw was somewhere near the floor by that point. “No, you don’t!”
“Yes, I do,” Katya retorded. “Who the fuck did you think he was then?”
“I-I don’t know,” Trixie looked confused. “You were in the passenger seat of a strange car, I thought you had gotten us an Uber,” she confessed, provoking loud laughter from the two people to her left. “I am so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“You weren’t at all. Don’t worry about it.” Craig, once again, sounded sincere. “I’m actually the one that’s sorry Katya didn’t warn you I was coming. Now it feels like I’m just crashing your party.”
“No, no. You are totally fine. Hi, I’m Trixie.” If introducing herself after spending, like, twenty minutes in the car with this guy wasn’t lame enough, since she couldn’t precisely shake his hand, Trixie awkwardly waved her hand in front of his face. He surely thought she was a lost case, by that point.
Craig didn’t seem to judge her, though. Leaving one hand on the wheel, his free hand imitated hers and, suddenly, all that Trixie saw was black nails going up and down in front of her eyes. “Pleasure to meet you, Trixie, I’m Craig. It’s actually nice to finally meet you.”
“Oh, my God, Craig. Tell her how we met!” Katya bounced on her seat, excited to once again hear the story herself.
He didn’t object and complied with her request right away. “I collect porn movies,” he let out so easily, causing a gasp to escape a surprised Trixie. It was probably an expected reaction because both Katya and Craig laughed before he continued. “I buy a lot of VHS movies and turn them into digital format. I guess the volume was too loud when I was checking the conversion of a particular movie. Katya came banging on my door–”
“Right in the middle of the night,” Katya butted in.
“Right, right.” Craig chuckled. “She banged on my door, right in the middle of the night, screaming: okay, you horny fucks, either you tone it down or let me in.”
The car filled with loud laughter, and the rest of the ride was made sharing stories of Katya being inappropriate.
“You know,” Craig turned to Trixie after a while. “You are more than welcome to see my movie collection. It’s massive, and it’s not just pornos.”
Luckily, his last words were spoken as he parked at the bar, giving a fast end to what was about to become an awkward conversation. Trixie simply laughed, pronouncing some sort of vague agreement, before they stepped down from the car.
It was still early in the night, the bar had most of the lights turned on and played soft music as background when they walked in.
Craig placed a hand on Katya’s arm. “I’m gonna get us something to drink, would you like a Georgia Peach Coca Cola, if they have them?”
Katya’s eyes threatened to fall out of their sockets. “I will literally give you a hand job, right here, right now, if you find one.”
He laughed shortly, his head shaking in amusement. “I’ll keep that in mind, although, it won’t be necessary.” He then turned to Trixie, with the side smile pasted on his lips again. “Anything for you? Vodka soda, maybe? Or perhaps something stronger like whisky or gin?”
Trixie took a second from inspecting his chest hair to find his eyes. “Oh, I love gin.”
“Gin and tonic, coming right up.” And with that he was gone.
Both girls watched his shirt shining under the fluorescent lights of the club until he was out of sight.
“Isn’t he amazing?” Katya asked excitedly. A serious look took over her features as she pointed her index finger to Trixie’s face. “He’s my best friend, so you better not break his heart.” She then turned around and walked in the direction of their regular booth.
The words didn’t immediately sink in, but once they did, Trixie sped her steps to catch up with Katya. “Wait,” she called after her. “Is this a set up?” She was screaming, she knew it, but she needed to know the answer. “Katya, is this a set–” She had to stop talking when she noticed Katya frozen on her spot.
“You fucking bitch.”
Trixie followed Katya’s stare just to find Courtney Act sitting on the round couch, talking to Sergeant Haylock. For a moment, Trixie didn’t know how to react, Katya’s words hadn’t precisely been nice, but the tone of her voice didn’t seem to carry any harm. Trixie stood behind Katya, ready to react to whatever unfolded next. So, when Katya suddenly sprinted forward, Trixie almost ran after her, until she noticed how Katya opened her arms and hugged the attorney.
Courtney smelled like cotton candy, and not the cheap Bath and Body Works kind. Her skin appeared to be made out of actual candy. Katya allowed herself to get lost in the arms of her friend for a second, basking in the sweet smell, and enveloped by the warmth of her body.
“You did great,” Courtney whispered against Katya’s hair.
They pulled away a little, both looked into each other’s eyes, with big smiles on their lips.
“What the fuck happened in there?” Katya asked. She didn’t have to worry about it being a full question. There was no need for an explanation.
Taking her seat back on the booth, Courtney pulled Katya to sit next to her. “I couldn’t let her get away. I know you, you were gonna get all wrapped up and lose focus. I needed to make sure she got justice.”
“Justice?” Katya was basically yelling. “That bitch killed seven people.”
Courtney, in her collected manner, nodded her head. “And she needs to pay for it, which she’s going to. Honestly, if I hadn’t been there, if I hadn’t pushed you to actually prove her guilty, she may have walked away or gotten a smaller sentence.”
Katya wanted to protest, wanted to scream at her that she could have done it by herself just fine, but Courtney was right. If she had been left alone to spiral down the rabbit hole of her own insecurities, she would have lost sight of the main goal. That could have cost her the case. Katya needed to be pushed beyond her boundaries. If there wasn’t a constant source of stress around her, she would create one herself, and cause a lot more damage.
Before anything else was said, Craig appeared with their drinks. He placed a tall glass of soda in front of Katya, saying it was just regular Coke and apologizing for it. The hand job would have to wait for another time. He then turned to Trixie and handed her the drink she had asked for.
“Hey, sorry if I was too forward. I didn’t know,” he said and took a seat at the other end of the table.
Trixie sipped her drink for a moment, not giving much importance to his words, but then something clicked. When she turned around to ask him, Jasmine suddenly appeared from behind her, hugging her tightly and laughing right in her ear. The rest of the squad arrived right after. Congratulations went around, glasses were lifted and speeches were given. The music started sounding loudly and the dancing started. All deep and heavy topics were put to rest and everybody joined the celebration. It was fun. Everybody had a good time, dancing and drinking, enjoying themselves and the company of their friends.
A few hours into the night, Trixie was finally able to disengage from her coworkers and found Craig. “Come on, let’s dance.” She didn’t wait for an answer, she simply grabbed his hand and pulled him into the dancefloor. He allowed himself to be dragged without a problem.
Their bodies moved awkwardly, both of them tried to follow the music in their own way. Trixie placed her arms around his shoulder, an easy position since she was slightly taller. “So, what was that comment from earlier?”
He looked up at her, his hands trying to clumsily guide her hips. “Katya never told me you were a thing.”
“What?!” She was unnecessarily loud, if he noticed, he didn’t say anything. Hopefully the music playing was enough of an excuse. “We are not.”
Craig’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you two aware of that?” He laughed lightly, there was no harm in his sarcasm. It was hard to believe hurtful words ever left his lips.
Trixie’s shoulders dropped. She had no idea what she was feeling but Craig seemed like a good sounding board to figure that out. As if on cue, a laughing Katya approached them, with Courtney hot on her heels. Katya hugged them and said her goodbyes, saying she had a lot of catching up to do with her friend and the music didn’t let them. She thanked Craig for the ride but Courtney would be taking her home.
That was the last thing that Trixie needed to make up her mind. She asked Craig if he wanted to leave too and he agreed. They went around saying goodbye to everyone. They encountered stares and supposedly knowing smiles as her co-workers wished them a good night. Trixie rolled her eyes at them, but Craig loved the attention and wiggled his eyebrows in conspiracy.
It took them a few minutes before Trixie and Craig were driving away from the club.
“Wanna talk about it?” Craig asked when they stopped at a red light.
Trixie bit her lip. “I don’t know what you mean?” She decided to play fool, maybe she could win some time.
Craig nodded knowingly. “I saw the way you look at her.” He was right next to her, yet his voice came from somewhere far away. It sounded as if his words had to travel through layers and layers of smoke and fog until they reached her ears. “Does she know how you feel?”
A snort left Trixie’s lips as she rolled her eyes. “I don’t even know what I feel.”
He looked at her for a moment, before returning his eyes to the front, his foot pressing the pedal softly. “She’s something else, isn’t she?”
“You can say that again,” Trixie replied looking out the window, suddenly feeling incredibly vulnerable.
Craig chuckled at her response. “What I mean is, there’s nothing wrong with liking her, to whichever extent applies in your case. It’s not as strange as you think, to be attracted to her.” Once again, he turned to face her, she could feel his eyes on her, but she kept staring out the window. “Help me get a better view of what’s going on here. Let’s talk a little bit more about the nature of your relationship. So, you met at work…” he paused there, allowing her to finish the sentence for him.
“We met a few days before my transfer… at the bar. We-we hooked up.”
“Oh.” He wasn’t judging, he didn’t even sound surprised, Craig simply took the new information as it came.
Trixie shrugged, trying to take importance away from the situation. “We didn’t know we were going to be working together, though. I thought it was going to be weird but, you know what? It wasn’t.”
“Yeah, that sounds very on brand for her. She just makes everyone feel comfortable around her.”
She bit her lip again, her brain chewing on a thought the same way her teeth dug into her flesh. “I really do like her. Maybe I don’t know in what way yet, but definitely more than a coworker. She doesn’t want anything serious, though, and I just discovered that I can’t just do casual. So, it’s pointless anyway. I can’t allow myself to develop feelings for someone who can’t return them.”
There were a few beats of silence, before he spoke again. “Come to think of it, she does have feelings for you, you know? Strong ones.”
Her head snapped his direction, his words gaining her full attention. “Why’d you say that?”
“See, I didn’t make much of it then because, well, she wanted me to ask you out. She went on and on about how fabulous you are. In retrospect, she was listing all the things she likes about you, and there were a lot of those. She spoke very passionately about you.”
“She talks passionately about pretty much everything,” Trixie said with a roll of her eyes, pretending to be unaffected and hoping the heavy makeup could hide the redness of her cheeks.
Craig’s laughter was heard again. “You got me there, but I’m serious. I know her. She really does have feelings for you, she’s just in denial; or doesn’t even know it, rather.”
“You really think so?” Her voice sounded a lot more hopeful than she intended but, by this point, she didn’t really care.
He stopped the car, they had arrived at her apartment. He didn’t make any attempt to turn off the engine, though. After putting the gearshift in park, he faced Trixie completely. “I do, I do think so; but, to know for sure, you two need to talk about it.”
Trixie forcefully closed her eyes, pressing her head hard against the headrest. “I don’t know. Like, you can never know with her. She talks very passionately about pickles too, and we are not gonna make a big deal about that, now, are we?”
“I mean, no. Not for pickles, but… isn’t it worth the risk? If you want me to, I can maybe, sort of, plant an idea about it to her, just to be sure where she’s standing. I can give you a call over the weekend and you can take it from there when you see her next, how does that sound?”
“Oh, Craig, you really are an angel.” Without giving it more thought, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. A small token of her gratitude that couldn’t possibly be expressed with words.
They exchanged numbers and he drove away, leaving her standing outside the gates of the residential area where she lived. Not ready to be left alone with her thoughts, she decided to take a short walk, maybe just around the block and back. She bought a cup of tea from an establishment just down the street, and then moved to hopefully find the bakery still opened. The city was illuminated by the bright street lamps and the neon signs of the stores still open at that hour. Los Angeles was beautiful, Trixie loved everything about it. Living there had been her dream for so long, one that she managed to turn into a reality. It was such a happy place.
Across town, Katya was also walking through the empty streets of the City of Angels, but, unlike Trixie, she wasn’t admiring the beauty of it all. She sped her steps to reach her place, and ran up the stairs as her stomach threatened to make her explode any second now. She knew having ice cream so late at night was a bad idea, especially the vegan type that Courtney had suggested.
As soon as Katya pushed to door to her apartment opened, she stopped cold. Everything was dark, her eyes were still trying to adjust, but she could feel it. Something was different, even when she couldn’t really tell what it was. She took a step forward and made sure to leave the door completely opened. Her fingers rearranged the keys in her hands, placing one between each of her fingers, as she walked around the couch.
The shadow became clear. Sitting at the dinner table, the shape of a large woman could be seen. The hair made her look even bigger, styled higher on one side than the other.
Katya reached for her back pocket, trying to get a hold of her phone, but a deep voice stopped.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” the woman spoke from the shadows. She stood up, the chair cracking with the weight of the heavy body being lifted.
She was tall, way taller than Katya. Her long legs carried her to close the gap between them in seconds. Katya didn’t move, she didn’t step back but didn’t walk to her either. She stood still, mentally going around the items in her apartment that could assist her if it came down to it. Her observations took her to examine the face of the intruder. She was a beautiful black woman, with makeup that made her skin look smooth under the soft lighting coming from outside.
“Don’t be scared,” she said straight to Katya’s face. There was a pause, Katya could see, from the corner of her eye, how the hand of the woman slowly retracted. “I’m just here to deliver a message.”
That was when the first blow came. The closed hand made a swing in front of Katya’s face, who managed to pull back just in time. Katya dodged the arm and stood behind the woman. She wasn’t going to hit back, she knew better than to attack an unarmed person, but Katya was ready to defend herself. And she did exactly that when the woman turned around, launching herself towards Katya.
Katya’s flexible leg fanned in front of her. She could very easily kick the woman on the head, even with the height difference, but all she wanted was to keep her away. Blow after blow, Katya ducked and moved away, missing, by mere millimeters, the knuckles directed to her face, back, stomach.
“Listen, bitch,” Katya warned. “I don’t want to beat the shit out of you. So you better get the fuck out of my place if you don’t want to get severely injured,” she spoke out of breath. Only a few steps separated the two women in fighting position.
The loud laughter, Katya wasn’t expecting. “You think your skinny ass can do anything to me, bitch, you are gonna have to eat it!”
Finally, the first punch was connected. Katya bent over as the air was knocked out of her, the right fist of the attacker punched her gut repeatedly. It wasn’t a time to defend herself, that moment was gone, now she needed to attack back.
For a moment everything became a blur. The darkness of the place didn’t allow Katya to see clearly. She felt the hard beating of her heart, the sting of rings digging in flesh with every punch, the burning on her arm when nails scratched skin. The room was filled with grunts of effort and screams of pain. Time seemed to stretch forever as Katya did her best to stay as agile as possible in her cluttered apartment.
A lamp was picked up, and Katya felt the pain, even before the porcelain broke against her skull. She dropped to the floor, the warmth of her own blood trickled down her scalp as she hit the ground.
“You don’t mess with Latrila,” was the last thing she heard before everything went black.
The trial was long, and exhausting. By the end of the month, Katya felt drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Katya, and Trixie —and the entire squad— knew there was enough evidence to put Manila Luzon in jail for the rest of her days. The tricky part was the shark of a lawyer that she hired. Katya had worked with Courtney Act many times in the past. She was an attorney assigned to many of the crimes Katya had solved. They were an amazing team that could easily put a case together and throw a criminal behind bars. It didn’t make sense for Courtney to be representing the defendant instead of working towards locking her up. Knowing that Courtney was trying to keep Manila from going to prison, made Katya wonder if they were wrong. Money couldn’t be the reason, she was not that type of lawyer. Courtney’s moral compass was never compromised, she only assisted the innocent; and Manila Luzon couldn’t possibly be innocent.
Going against a friend only added more stress to the situation, to the point where Katya felt close to giving up many times. Courtney knew her, and knew her well. Through the many years working together, they had developed an instinct to predict each other’s actions. It had been a strength, they had been unstoppable in the courthouse. Now, it was a weakness, it was an issue for Katya. Courtney could pretty much read Katya’s mind and go a step ahead of her thinking process. It wasn’t a nice feeling.
All the anxiety played with Katya’s head. She hated how words would stumble with themselves when they tried to leave her mouth. Even when she knew exactly what she wanted to say, her thoughts would crash against one another and come out sounding like nothing but mumble jumble.
There was one single person helping her to keep it together. Trixie. Trixie, with her light sense of humor and unshakable confidence, became the point of balance Katya needed to work the case. If Katya felt Courtney and her vibed in the same wavelength; Trixie and Katya’s hearts beat at the same rhythm. It was something Katya had noticed early on. Since the moment they started finishing each other’s sentences, she knew they shared some sort of unspoken understanding that carried them through the same twisted train of thought. It wasn’t unusual for them to turn a regular conversation into something dark, sarcastic, and insanely funny. Most of the times, their rotted remarks were funny just to them, leaving everyone else in the room excluded from the joke; and they were okay with that.
Katya was completely aware of the spark between them. She kept chalking it up to other things, though. The good days, to their shared sense of humor; and the bad days, to the amount of stress they were going through together. Anything other than actual feelings, worked. She was also aware that the last time she had sex had been with Trixie, yet again, that didn’t mean much. The fact that Katya hadn’t hooked up with anybody else after Trixie, had a lot more to do with lack of time than anything else. At least that’s what she told herself to stay sane.
Violet had commented on it, pointed out how Katya hadn’t brought up any sexual extravaganza in a long time. Just as she had promised, Katya didn’t tell anybody about the encounters she had with her fellow detective, but Violet could see right through her. Violet was the first one to notice how Katya’s face fell when Trixie mentioned having a date, even before Katya did it herself. She brushed it off with a joke, but was extra careful with her facial expressions when a different guy was mentioned the following week.
None of that really mattered when the head of the jury pronounced the words they had so eagerly been waiting for. Manila Luzon was found guilty for the death of all seven young women and given a life sentence for each of the killings.
The excitement was such that it brought tears to Katya’s eyes. She jumped and screamed and cursed out loud when the news was delivered to her. After hugging everybody within arms reach, she went to the cold cases room and cried. A wave of emotions hit her at once and she allowed it. Every single one of those emotions burned deep inside her stomach, and she let them. After feeling too much, all at once, for too long, there was finally freedom. She had done it. She had closed her one unsolved case. Her fears were put to rest, at least the ones that constantly told her she wasn’t good at her job. She could breathe again. It was almost as if she hadn’t noticed the constant pressure in her chest until it was released.
It surprised nobody but Katya when Captain Charles approached her with an idea. He wanted her to take the sergeant exam.
Deep inside her, she knew she could do it. Any doubt in her head about her abilities had just vanished, she had momentum, there was no logical reason to decline the offer. So, she sent in an application. In her mind, her twisted excitement for anything that would give her results, was the only excuse to finally agree. In her heart, she needed one more confirmation that she was indeed meant to do this.
The board was going to take a few weeks to get back to her, review her case and see if she was even eligible to take the exam. In the meantime, they had a victory to celebrate. The whole precinct had been invited to the usual bar that Friday night, it had been a team effort, after all.
Katya promised to pick Trixie up, and she waited for Katya outside her apartment building. Trixie wore a similar dress to the one she had on the night they met. Coming back to the place where it all started felt somewhat important; replicating some aspects of it, even if it was just the way she was dressed, seemed important to Trixie. She was sure Katya didn’t share the same thoughts, and Trixie wanted to believe she was okay with it. She had always been extremely sentimental about these things, anyways. She had stubs from the first concert she ever attended, she kept a napkin from the date she had with her high school crush, even the wrapper of the piece of gum her best friend offered her the day they met. She held on to things that brought her back, that carried nice feelings. Katya didn’t seem like that type. She was such a free spirit, surely she didn’t have a box of crap under her bed, tying her down to the past.
The freedom of her being was confirmed when a black car stopped right in front of Trixie. Katya’s top half stuck out of the window of the passenger seat. The wind messed with her hair as she laughed happily.
“Get in, loser, we are going partying!”
Trixie shook her head, a wide smile dancing on her lips, as she extended her hand to reach for the back door.
“No, get in the front.”
Without waiting for an answer, Katya pulled herself back inside the car and jumped to the back. Her ass wiggled inside the tight skirt as she tried to make her way between the front seats. Exaggerated grunts left her mouth as she pretended to have a hard time doing so. It was clearly an act, there was no way her flexible body could be giving her any trouble.
Trixie was still laughing when she sat on the passenger seat. “Was that a Mean Girls reference?” she asked Katya, without looking back, her eyes cast down as she found the buckle of the seatbelt.
“That would be impossible, I’ve never watched that movie,” Katya answered as the car started moving. Her voice sounded far, almost as if her head were somewhere near the floor of the vehicle.
“What?!” Trixie asked in shock. “Are you for real?” She turned her head to face the backseat. Just as she had pictured it, Katya was lying face down, probably trying to reach for something she had dropped. In an attempt to get an accomplice, Trixie turned to the driver. “Can you believe this bitch?”
“I actually haven’t watched it either,” the man replied. His eyes were directed to the road ahead of them, but a smile made way to his lips. “At least not all of it. I’ve seen pieces, though.”
“Oh, wow!” Trixie didn’t know what shocked her the most; the fact that she was in a car with two people that had never watched Mean Girls, or the deep voice of the driver.
“So, to answer your question, I guess I can believe this bitch,” he continued.
Katya’s laughter was heard, and something that sounded a lot like ‘rotted’ left her mouth between wheezing sounds.
Trixie stared at him in shock for a moment. He was funny, and handsome, sexy even. His look seemed to come straight out of a seventies’ porno, with his salt and pepper mustache, and the top buttons of his shirt wide opened. The tone of his voice was so low and so… sensual. Trixie was right away fixated by him.
“You have a great, like, radio voice,” she thought out loud. “Do you get that a lot?”
The driver’s laughter was even more mesmerizing. “I do quite a lot, actually.” He looked at her, the side smile making him look even sexier. “I take it as a compliment. I appreciate it. Thank you.”
“Oh, definitely, definitely,” Trixie assured him. She bit the inside of her cheek, thinking for half a second before speaking, something that she had just recently started trying. “Can I ask you something weird that may be offensive?”
“Please do, those are my favorite kind of questions.” Weirdly, he meant that. There was not a trace of sarcasm in his voice.
“Are you gay?”
Up until that moment, Katya had been relatively quiet in the backseat. Her screeching laugh sounded loud and clear inside of the small car. Her arms and legs kicked up in the air as she fell on her back completely.
Trixie’s eyes, filled with confusion, travelled between the girl flopping like a fish out of water, and the driver smiling softly behind the wheel. “What? What?”
“Nothing,” the guy spoke evenly, a complete contrast to the dying foghorn in the backseat. “That’s just another thing that I get pretty often.”
“Oh, yeah, I can totally see it,” Trixie agreed. “You have, like, that daddy’s voice that I’m sure a lot of gay guys find attractive.”
“A lot of gay guys and young women too,” he said.
Trixie nodded her head. “It must have something to do with daddy issues, don’t you think?”
He hummed an approval. “Had never seen it that way, but thanks for the analysis. I now have something to think about.”
Katya slapped the back of his seat, apparently oblivious to the conversation taking place. “Hey, hey, are you gay?” She pronounced the words in a girly, sing-song voice, which immediately elicited loud laughter from the driver.
“Oh, God! I can’t believe I almost forgot about that.”
“I always like to know if a guy is gay,” Katya continued with her put on voice, before another giggle attack hit her.
The man turned to Trixie, a look close to apologetic filling his features. “You see, there’s this awful film that Katya and I used to watch–”
“Wait, what?” Trixie interrupted him. “You know each other?”
“Of course, bitch.” Katya poked her head between them. “This is my friend Craig! He lives across the hall from me. I talk about him all the time!”
Trixie was sure her jaw was somewhere near the floor by that point. “No, you don’t!”
“Yes, I do,” Katya retorded. “Who the fuck did you think he was then?”
“I-I don’t know,” Trixie looked confused. “You were in the passenger seat of a strange car, I thought you had gotten us an Uber,” she confessed, provoking loud laughter from the two people to her left. “I am so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“You weren’t at all. Don’t worry about it.” Craig, once again, sounded sincere. “I’m actually the one that’s sorry Katya didn’t warn you I was coming. Now it feels like I’m just crashing your party.”
“No, no. You are totally fine. Hi, I’m Trixie.” If introducing herself after spending, like, twenty minutes in the car with this guy wasn’t lame enough, since she couldn’t precisely shake his hand, Trixie awkwardly waved her hand in front of his face. He surely thought she was a lost case, by that point.
Craig didn’t seem to judge her, though. Leaving one hand on the wheel, his free hand imitated hers and, suddenly, all that Trixie saw was black nails going up and down in front of her eyes. “Pleasure to meet you, Trixie, I’m Craig. It’s actually nice to finally meet you.”
“Oh, my God, Craig. Tell her how we met!” Katya bounced on her seat, excited to once again hear the story herself.
He didn’t object and complied with her request right away. “I collect porn movies,” he let out so easily, causing a gasp to escape a surprised Trixie. It was probably an expected reaction because both Katya and Craig laughed before he continued. “I buy a lot of VHS movies and turn them into digital format. I guess the volume was too loud when I was checking the conversion of a particular movie. Katya came banging on my door–”
“Right in the middle of the night,” Katya butted in.
“Right, right.” Craig chuckled. “She banged on my door, right in the middle of the night, screaming: okay, you horny fucks, either you tone it down or let me in.”
The car filled with loud laughter, and the rest of the ride was made sharing stories of Katya being inappropriate.
“You know,” Craig turned to Trixie after a while. “You are more than welcome to see my movie collection. It’s massive, and it’s not just pornos.”
Luckily, his last words were spoken as he parked at the bar, giving a fast end to what was about to become an awkward conversation. Trixie simply laughed, pronouncing some sort of vague agreement, before they stepped down from the car.
It was still early in the night, the bar had most of the lights turned on and played soft music as background when they walked in.
Craig placed a hand on Katya’s arm. “I’m gonna get us something to drink, would you like a Georgia Peach Coca Cola, if they have them?”
Katya’s eyes threatened to fall out of their sockets. “I will literally give you a hand job, right here, right now, if you find one.”
He laughed shortly, his head shaking in amusement. “I’ll keep that in mind, although, it won’t be necessary.” He then turned to Trixie, with the side smile pasted on his lips again. “Anything for you? Vodka soda, maybe? Or perhaps something stronger like whisky or gin?”
Trixie took a second from inspecting his chest hair to find his eyes. “Oh, I love gin.”
“Gin and tonic, coming right up.” And with that he was gone.
Both girls watched his shirt shining under the fluorescent lights of the club until he was out of sight.
“Isn’t he amazing?” Katya asked excitedly. A serious look took over her features as she pointed her index finger to Trixie’s face. “He’s my best friend, so you better not break his heart.” She then turned around and walked in the direction of their regular booth.
The words didn’t immediately sink in, but once they did, Trixie sped her steps to catch up with Katya. “Wait,” she called after her. “Is this a set up?” She was screaming, she knew it, but she needed to know the answer. “Katya, is this a set–” She had to stop talking when she noticed Katya frozen on her spot.
“You fucking bitch.”
Trixie followed Katya’s stare just to find Courtney Act sitting on the round couch, talking to Sergeant Haylock. For a moment, Trixie didn’t know how to react, Katya’s words hadn’t precisely been nice, but the tone of her voice didn’t seem to carry any harm. Trixie stood behind Katya, ready to react to whatever unfolded next. So, when Katya suddenly sprinted forward, Trixie almost ran after her, until she noticed how Katya opened her arms and hugged the attorney.
Courtney smelled like cotton candy, and not the cheap Bath and Body Works kind. Her skin appeared to be made out of actual candy. Katya allowed herself to get lost in the arms of her friend for a second, basking in the sweet smell, and enveloped by the warmth of her body.
“You did great,” Courtney whispered against Katya’s hair.
They pulled away a little, both looked into each other’s eyes, with big smiles on their lips.
“What the fuck happened in there?” Katya asked. She didn’t have to worry about it being a full question. There was no need for an explanation.
Taking her seat back on the booth, Courtney pulled Katya to sit next to her. “I couldn’t let her get away. I know you, you were gonna get all wrapped up and lose focus. I needed to make sure she got justice.”
“Justice?” Katya was basically yelling. “That bitch killed seven people.”
Courtney, in her collected manner, nodded her head. “And she needs to pay for it, which she’s going to. Honestly, if I hadn’t been there, if I hadn’t pushed you to actually prove her guilty, she may have walked away or gotten a smaller sentence.”
Katya wanted to protest, wanted to scream at her that she could have done it by herself just fine, but Courtney was right. If she had been left alone to spiral down the rabbit hole of her own insecurities, she would have lost sight of the main goal. That could have cost her the case. Katya needed to be pushed beyond her boundaries. If there wasn’t a constant source of stress around her, she would create one herself, and cause a lot more damage.
Before anything else was said, Craig appeared with their drinks. He placed a tall glass of soda in front of Katya, saying it was just regular Coke and apologizing for it. The hand job would have to wait for another time. He then turned to Trixie and handed her the drink she had asked for.
“Hey, sorry if I was too forward. I didn’t know,” he said and took a seat at the other end of the table.
Trixie sipped her drink for a moment, not giving much importance to his words, but then something clicked. When she turned around to ask him, Jasmine suddenly appeared from behind her, hugging her tightly and laughing right in her ear. The rest of the squad arrived right after. Congratulations went around, glasses were lifted and speeches were given. The music started sounding loudly and the dancing started. All deep and heavy topics were put to rest and everybody joined the celebration. It was fun. Everybody had a good time, dancing and drinking, enjoying themselves and the company of their friends.
A few hours into the night, Trixie was finally able to disengage from her coworkers and found Craig. “Come on, let’s dance.” She didn’t wait for an answer, she simply grabbed his hand and pulled him into the dancefloor. He allowed himself to be dragged without a problem.
Their bodies moved awkwardly, both of them tried to follow the music in their own way. Trixie placed her arms around his shoulder, an easy position since she was slightly taller. “So, what was that comment from earlier?”
He looked up at her, his hands trying to clumsily guide her hips. “Katya never told me you were a thing.”
“What?!” She was unnecessarily loud, if he noticed, he didn’t say anything. Hopefully the music playing was enough of an excuse. “We are not.”
Craig’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you two aware of that?” He laughed lightly, there was no harm in his sarcasm. It was hard to believe hurtful words ever left his lips.
Trixie’s shoulders dropped. She had no idea what she was feeling but Craig seemed like a good sounding board to figure that out. As if on cue, a laughing Katya approached them, with Courtney hot on her heels. Katya hugged them and said her goodbyes, saying she had a lot of catching up to do with her friend and the music didn’t let them. She thanked Craig for the ride but Courtney would be taking her home.
That was the last thing that Trixie needed to make up her mind. She asked Craig if he wanted to leave too and he agreed. They went around saying goodbye to everyone. They encountered stares and supposedly knowing smiles as her co-workers wished them a good night. Trixie rolled her eyes at them, but Craig loved the attention and wiggled his eyebrows in conspiracy.
It took them a few minutes before Trixie and Craig were driving away from the club.
“Wanna talk about it?” Craig asked when they stopped at a red light.
Trixie bit her lip. “I don’t know what you mean?” She decided to play fool, maybe she could win some time.
Craig nodded knowingly. “I saw the way you look at her.” He was right next to her, yet his voice came from somewhere far away. It sounded as if his words had to travel through layers and layers of smoke and fog until they reached her ears. “Does she know how you feel?”
A snort left Trixie’s lips as she rolled her eyes. “I don’t even know what I feel.”
He looked at her for a moment, before returning his eyes to the front, his foot pressing the pedal softly. “She’s something else, isn’t she?”
“You can say that again,” Trixie replied looking out the window, suddenly feeling incredibly vulnerable.
Craig chuckled at her response. “What I mean is, there’s nothing wrong with liking her, to whichever extent applies in your case. It’s not as strange as you think, to be attracted to her.” Once again, he turned to face her, she could feel his eyes on her, but she kept staring out the window. “Help me get a better view of what’s going on here. Let’s talk a little bit more about the nature of your relationship. So, you met at work…” he paused there, allowing her to finish the sentence for him.
“We met a few days before my transfer… at the bar. We-we hooked up.”
“Oh.” He wasn’t judging, he didn’t even sound surprised, Craig simply took the new information as it came.
Trixie shrugged, trying to take importance away from the situation. “We didn’t know we were going to be working together, though. I thought it was going to be weird but, you know what? It wasn’t.”
“Yeah, that sounds very on brand for her. She just makes everyone feel comfortable around her.”
She bit her lip again, her brain chewing on a thought the same way her teeth dug into her flesh. “I really do like her. Maybe I don’t know in what way yet, but definitely more than a coworker. She doesn’t want anything serious, though, and I just discovered that I can’t just do casual. So, it’s pointless anyway. I can’t allow myself to develop feelings for someone who can’t return them.”
There were a few beats of silence, before he spoke again. “Come to think of it, she does have feelings for you, you know? Strong ones.”
Her head snapped his direction, his words gaining her full attention. “Why’d you say that?”
“See, I didn’t make much of it then because, well, she wanted me to ask you out. She went on and on about how fabulous you are. In retrospect, she was listing all the things she likes about you, and there were a lot of those. She spoke very passionately about you.”
“She talks passionately about pretty much everything,” Trixie said with a roll of her eyes, pretending to be unaffected and hoping the heavy makeup could hide the redness of her cheeks.
Craig’s laughter was heard again. “You got me there, but I’m serious. I know her. She really does have feelings for you, she’s just in denial; or doesn’t even know it, rather.”
“You really think so?” Her voice sounded a lot more hopeful than she intended but, by this point, she didn’t really care.
He stopped the car, they had arrived at her apartment. He didn’t make any attempt to turn off the engine, though. After putting the gearshift in park, he faced Trixie completely. “I do, I do think so; but, to know for sure, you two need to talk about it.”
Trixie forcefully closed her eyes, pressing her head hard against the headrest. “I don’t know. Like, you can never know with her. She talks very passionately about pickles too, and we are not gonna make a big deal about that, now, are we?”
“I mean, no. Not for pickles, but… isn’t it worth the risk? If you want me to, I can maybe, sort of, plant an idea about it to her, just to be sure where she’s standing. I can give you a call over the weekend and you can take it from there when you see her next, how does that sound?”
“Oh, Craig, you really are an angel.” Without giving it more thought, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. A small token of her gratitude that couldn’t possibly be expressed with words.
They exchanged numbers and he drove away, leaving her standing outside the gates of the residential area where she lived. Not ready to be left alone with her thoughts, she decided to take a short walk, maybe just around the block and back. She bought a cup of tea from an establishment just down the street, and then moved to hopefully find the bakery still opened. The city was illuminated by the bright street lamps and the neon signs of the stores still open at that hour. Los Angeles was beautiful, Trixie loved everything about it. Living there had been her dream for so long, one that she managed to turn into a reality. It was such a happy place.
Across town, Katya was also walking through the empty streets of the City of Angels, but, unlike Trixie, she wasn’t admiring the beauty of it all. She sped her steps to reach her place, and ran up the stairs as her stomach threatened to make her explode any second now. She knew having ice cream so late at night was a bad idea, especially the vegan type that Courtney had suggested.
As soon as Katya pushed to door to her apartment opened, she stopped cold. Everything was dark, her eyes were still trying to adjust, but she could feel it. Something was different, even when she couldn’t really tell what it was. She took a step forward and made sure to leave the door completely opened. Her fingers rearranged the keys in her hands, placing one between each of her fingers, as she walked around the couch.
The shadow became clear. Sitting at the dinner table, the shape of a large woman could be seen. The hair made her look even bigger, styled higher on one side than the other.
Katya reached for her back pocket, trying to get a hold of her phone, but a deep voice stopped.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” the woman spoke from the shadows. She stood up, the chair cracking with the weight of the heavy body being lifted.
She was tall, way taller than Katya. Her long legs carried her to close the gap between them in seconds. Katya didn’t move, she didn’t step back but didn’t walk to her either. She stood still, mentally going around the items in her apartment that could assist her if it came down to it. Her observations took her to examine the face of the intruder. She was a beautiful black woman, with makeup that made her skin look smooth under the soft lighting coming from outside.
“Don’t be scared,” she said straight to Katya’s face. There was a pause, Katya could see, from the corner of her eye, how the hand of the woman slowly retracted. “I’m just here to deliver a message.”
That was when the first blow came. The closed hand made a swing in front of Katya’s face, who managed to pull back just in time. Katya dodged the arm and stood behind the woman. She wasn’t going to hit back, she knew better than to attack an unarmed person, but Katya was ready to defend herself. And she did exactly that when the woman turned around, launching herself towards Katya.
Katya’s flexible leg fanned in front of her. She could very easily kick the woman on the head, even with the height difference, but all she wanted was to keep her away. Blow after blow, Katya ducked and moved away, missing, by mere millimeters, the knuckles directed to her face, back, stomach.
“Listen, bitch,” Katya warned. “I don’t want to beat the shit out of you. So you better get the fuck out of my place if you don’t want to get severely injured,” she spoke out of breath. Only a few steps separated the two women in fighting position.
The loud laughter, Katya wasn’t expecting. “You think your skinny ass can do anything to me, bitch, you are gonna have to eat it!”
Finally, the first punch was connected. Katya bent over as the air was knocked out of her, the right fist of the attacker punched her gut repeatedly. It wasn’t a time to defend herself, that moment was gone, now she needed to attack back.
For a moment everything became a blur. The darkness of the place didn’t allow Katya to see clearly. She felt the hard beating of her heart, the sting of rings digging in flesh with every punch, the burning on her arm when nails scratched skin. The room was filled with grunts of effort and screams of pain. Time seemed to stretch forever as Katya did her best to stay as agile as possible in her cluttered apartment.
A lamp was picked up, and Katya felt the pain, even before the porcelain broke against her skull. She dropped to the floor, the warmth of her own blood trickled down her scalp as she hit the ground.
“You don’t mess with Latrila,” was the last thing she heard before everything went black.
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