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#I liked roadtrip too but I feel like I'll love mask even more
tylerwritez · 3 years
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3:38 p.m. Wednesday June 30 2021
Song reccomendation:
Hey guys. We went to the mall again because it's too hot to go outside. I l1fted a bit but I did buy a blue and purple tie dyed tank top for summer and a Slayer shirt from the hot topic.
We had funsies, me and my friend were chatting and stuff. Not much to say.
I'm feeling sucky now cos we got lunch at the italianos store and I wanted to get Dulce De Leche because what's the point of going to the italianos if ur leaving with NO dulce de leche....?? Its so yummy. My mom said yes but my 11 YEAR OLD SISTER LIKE FLIPPED OVER THE CAN AND READ OFF THE GRAMS OF SUGAR AND CALORIES!!!!! liKE WHAT??? ITS NONE OF UR BUSINESS JESUS!!!!!! thanks for triggering my uh disordered eating...  cos after that I wanted to cry and I just put the can back and remembered how fat I am and I ALMSOT HAD A BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORE LIKE IT WAS THE WORST FEELING...
Now I'm worried about my CaLoRieS and jesus it's the worst feeling... thanks sister who is eleven and REALLY MEAN?? she literally calls me short fat and ugly all the time... I think my mom and sister make me the most insecure. My mom is always ragging on what I eat how much I eat what time I eat it's the WORST PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE???? like I'm trying. You think I don't ALREADY feel bad??? Like okay way to shame your HEALTHY BMI (bmi 22) child for... eating a sandwich for lunch? I can't even. Like YEAH IM A BIT CHUBBY BUT IT HURTS MY FEELINGS FOR Y'ALL TO POINT IT OUT COS IVE BEEN INSECURE MY WHOLE LIFE AND I JUST CAN'T EVEN. I CAN'T.
.... but we had fun at the mall. So yeah.
I think I ended up l1fting like, a choker, some masks (for covid), fake nails (for my sister), and some hair bands (since my hair is crazy in the morning and always gets in my eyes)
Also some mentos XD but I won't be eating those since I feel like shitttt thanks family ily ♡ /s no I don't
Also that stuff I was talking about being upset over the divorce? Last night? I'm better now so dw.
.... I'm ravenously hungry right nowwww  but. We are going to ignore that. Because hungry is good. Itz good to be hungry it means you're on the right track and if you stay hungry long enough you DO lose weight. You just gotta stay hungry. ALSO, ALSO IM TRYING TO AVOID BLOATING because if I bloat then I get insecure with no top on,,, and it's hot out, so what I wanna do is keep my tummy flat ALL DAY so I can wear like just my sports bra or smthn... i hate saying that I'm wearing a bra but like thAt's what it is if I called it anything else I'd confuse you.
If you're on this blog for the first time,,, I'm MALE, so like don't just assume I'm a girl.
I feel like I dont pass enough but also I dont really mind? Like people keep calling me a girl but I dont see it? I personally dont think I look feminine??
.... I guess when I'm naked... JAY.
and when I dont bind, and my voice, but that's about it.
Also uhm. I'm kinda a kleptomaniac. I'm gonna check the diagnostic criteria for that because... I sorta l1ft every time I go out. Even if I dont NEED anything. It's not a problem, since I'm not getting caught, but it's still a CRIME and I should try and slow it down a bit.
At least I'm not HAULING as much as I used to.... I would FILL my mfing backpack, bro. I would go nuts. So I gotta try n be more careful so I don't get caught. I take too many risks... sex!!!!, theivery!!!!, and light drugs.
But isnt that what being 15 is about? Idk. I'll post pics of what I l1fted to my l1fting blog after I remove the metadata/exit data (location data) so I don't get doxxed...
Also I dont know if I told yall this but I might get contact lenses :) I think glasses make me look ugly so i dont wanna wear em. Also i hate having em on my face all the time it's just plain annoying.
4:18 p.m. update: okay so we're going home.
My mom is being kinda annoying shes like mocking me... Whateverrrrrrrrr idc. Jay is at his friends house rn, Eden is busy and Erin proabably won't come if Eden doesn't come so I guess I'm resigned to biking alone tonight.... probabaly after I pack all my shit of course.
11:20 a.m. update:
I didn't end up going biking... we took the bottles to the bottle depot, I got 20 bucks, and so did my sister even though she didnt even come :P
I got home and just went online. I was scouring Encyclopedia Metallum for any good active local metal bands that I could potentially see live in a concert in my city! 
I ate okay today, kinda ate more than I intended to before I slept because I was so hungry :| willpower 0 (zero)
Anyways I ate to maintain today :/ which is okay I guess.
I'm a bit upset since my dad was crying about the divorce and like I tried to comfort him and said it's okay to cry and stuff but... MAN THATS PAINFUL.... and like... shouldnt it be the other way around? I hate this. I hate everyone feeling bad. And I hate having to be so grown up.
Oh well... I was always the hound of hell, not the lamb of god.
4:15 a.m. update
Everyone wants to hang out with me XD so I gotta ask about that
Roadtrip soon.
Idk, not much to say.
I'm uh, listening to MUSIC right now. I love music and I wanna play bass again. I also feel very insecure and want to cut my junk off so that's fun.
:P
Goodnight ig
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