#I know it's been in development hell for more decades than I've been alive

[whoa-its-dani]

Some quick life-updates from yours truly:

Realized I was, in fact, nonbinary. Being honest with myself and being away from the internet really helped me figure that one out. I'm still largely in the closet, but I'm planning on where I go from here. I know I'm going to get top surgery or at least a reduction eventually, but that's a Future Leigh thing.

I developed a shellfish allergy which is a thing that can happen. Your body can just... decide it's allergic to shit. I know it's an immune system overreaction but wtf wtf wtf we've eaten shrimp and clams and crab our whole life wtf wtf wtf There's the slight possibility it was a spice or the ramen I was eating them with but like. It's more than likely the fucking shellfish.

I'm currently outside of the US right now and FAR away from home. I'm not immigrating, I'm just helping a friend with some housework and also getting my first vacay in like a decade. Also I dealt with quite a bit of ableism and assumed misogyny (bc still in closet) with immigration to the point they had to bring two different women officers to deal with my sitch. Like I don't wanna spread the stereotype of men being insensitive and women being "more compassionate" or w/e but yikes. I'm struggling so hard right now not to let that asshole taint all men. I'm beating that sexism back with a fucking bat.

My cynophobia is in severe decline, at least with smaller and some medium sized dogs! Anything bigger than like a corgi still triggers me (shaking, crying, panicking, etc.) but smaller dogs are so fucking cute and fun and snuggly!!! I love when they curl up in your lap and when they roll over for tummy rubs!!! I really miss my mom's dogs right now 😭 but I have a cat here so it's kind of ok

Had some True Crime shit happen to my family. My aunt (who's always been in poor health) passed away in her sleep. Her husband had her cremated asap, threw out all of her stuff, repainted the room she slept in, and then waited a week to tell the rest of the family... by text. Originally it looked like she had died in her sleep while he was at work, but then he admitted to his daughter (who then told the fam) that he had been home all day, that he lied to police about being at work, and that he was glad she was dead. So it's looking more and more like he killed her, or at least let her die. Like... he's always been an asshole. It's totally believable he killed her, but I hope (for everyone's sake) that he didn't and he's just being a selfish jackass who doesn't understand how sus he sounds.

My mental health has been the best it's been in years. I still have bad days (esp right now bc of the shit that happened with the border officer) but I'm kind of in awe that I'm like. Alive? Like I'm entering my late twenties. My first suicide attempt was when I was 11. I never imagined I would make it past 21. Bitch I'm still here!!! Life is not my problem, I am LIFE'S problem!

I learned how to make stroganoff and became mildly addicted to it for like a month.

Lived to see cicadas in the summer! Saw SO many!!! I think about them when winter makes me sad. They're my light at the end of the tunnel.

I ALSO SAW A BABY (ok more like a young) POSSUM!!! My dad discovered him in a box of apples we had outside. He was havin a FEAST lemme tell you. Boy went through like four apples that were about half his body size. Hell yeah.

I've currently been trying to exercise and strength train because I tried to climb a tree to get a cicada shell and yeah. I didn't even make it off the ground. Spaghetti ass arms. Right now I'm too sore from the travel (& stress & panic attack due to border issue) to see if my strength has improved, but I can definitely tell there are muscles in my arms and not just mush. Human bodies are so fucking weird and cool and shit.

I still remain uneducated and unemployed, but I actually checked out the GED study guide from the library earlier last year. I had a panic attack and ended up returning it, but... it's progress! A few years ago, I would've just passed it by. I actually opened it and looked in it and shit! Give me some more time and I'll actually be able to USE it and then get my GED and then bitche!!!! :D I've also decided I'm going to try to become a mortician. I doubt I have the patience to become a medical examiner, but I'd still like to work with the dead (not in a creepy way, I'm just better with dead folks) AND I got some family in the business back home (here's hoping I can use nepotism to my advantage teehee) so it's a good idea. I'm not saying it'll work out, but it's a plan.

I beat Pokemon Diamond again, and Skyrim. I made like four new characters but only ended up completing one (and they became a sneak archer because of course.)

I've done a little more sewing! I'm still kinda sucky at it and my brain can not figure out how the hell a back stitch works but I'm having a lot of fun!

Ok that's all I can think of right now but yeah. I'm surprised I haven't completely lost my mind yet but hey. There's still time 😌

I'll hopefully be more active on here in the upcoming days (bc I've missed my sweet little garbage trash site and all my gay little mutuals), but right now I'm just trying to exist in as little pain as I can. Very fatigued but also incredibly sore (shoulders, back, and legs).

I'm so grateful to all the kind messages and asks you guys have sent me while I was gone, and I hope your lives have been going well. Things are tough right now for everyone, and I hope you find the strength and support you need to go on. Fucking love you guys.

#Whoa's Posts #Whoa's stuff #Long Post #''quick'' post my ass right lol

[creechurfoundincheckerboardvoid]

Hola, i am the headcanon anon, May i have some dhmis or salad finger headcanons? (if not its fine)

hola!!!!!! buenos dias!!!!!!! or noches!!!!!! although that has entirely the wrong connotations if you translate it directly!!!!! i will GLADLY bestow some headcanons upon thee!!!!!!!!! i was gonna apologize for it being so long but no. suffer <3

ok we'll start with sal because there's only one of him

salad fingers

he doesn't have any concept of death. not for others, and not for himself, either. thus the lack of any sort of self-preservation instincts. there's only "going away" and "falling asleep." none of it is permanent.

he has died before, though. several times. several ways. he doesn't have a word for it in his head. it's just something that happens. it never lasts.

at least a hundred years old. i'm unsure what the human equivalent would be. with the way glass mother treats him, it's not entirely impossible for him to still be a kid. i mostly think of him as an adult, though, or ambiguous at best.

not a human, never was. some unspecified monster thing. an alien guy on an alien planet living his best life!! or worst life. depends how you look at it

an aquatic species. he has gills instead of a nose. his fingers are highly sensitive (and long) to navigate in dark water. breathes in both air and water equally fine. he's like a fucked up frog or something

the mirrorland (where glass mother and brother are) is his original home. he was cursed to live alone in the parallel reflection world as a particularly brutal punishment. it has been this way for decades. he doesn't think about it so much anymore. the desert wasteland is just his home now. he likes it that way.

as a sub-note of that, him destroying the mirrors at the end of 11 was him deciding to stay in the parallel land, and never return to where he came from. the desert wasteland has become more of a home to him than the mirrorland ever was.

his finger puppets are not sentient, but he pretends they are. he made them as friends for himself back when he was first sent to the other end of the mirror. it's been long enough for them to have developed personalities and tastes of their own.

hubert the flesh-boy was actually alive, somehow. it's possible that his outer casing died at the end of 11, and it had to be taken off of him so that he could keep living (in market and 12). either way, he's becoming increasingly sentient and i do not know what it means but it's cool as hell

completely unaware of his own peculiarity. it doesn't matter to him, really.

comic-salad specifically though. has been made aware of that. it's messed him up a bit more than he lets on

raptor hands king

i have absolutely no idea how tall he is!!!! i draw him to be just a bit smaller than red guy, which would put him at around six feet tall? 1.8 meters? except i've since noticed that he's only as tall as the shoulders of all those horses, and if they're average horses, that would make him like. my height. 5'4". small

the corpses that just show up in the desert wasteland are reflections of living things in the mirrorland

he and glass brother are not separate people. either glass brother is a reflection of salad's insecurities (or who he could have been, if he'd stayed behind), or salad and everything he does is a coping mechanism of glass brother's to deal with that living situation. i don't theorise as much as i used to but i still think about this one sometimes. yes i have a lot of contradictory headcanons lmao

his organs are all black, and so is his blood in the center of his body. everywhere else it's red.

i've liked salad fingers a lot longer than dhmis, and it was about the same time i was figuring out i'm neurodivergent (autistic specifically, years ago lol) and yeah that's why salad fingers is both the first and most cursed neurodivergent headcanon i have. tbh i was hesitant because "what if people say he's bad representation" but then i realised that i'm bad representation. like me the human person. so

oh yeah last one he is trans <3 lol

and now!! the puppets!!!! yay

yellow guy

okay so i know this is not exactly a popular opinion (and i'd thought the contrary for a while before), but yellow guy is an adult! i could ramble very extensively about the different possibilities for this but boy is this post getting laggy. unspecified exact age, though. he's autistic.

tbh is his imaginary friend he beamed the image into the minds of internet users and that's how it exists

this dude is aromantic that headcanon means so much to me :]

he has a very limited range of clothing that he likes to wear. he found one sweater that he liked and now almost exclusively wears different color variations of it with his overalls

very artistic-leaning. not so good with mathematics or remembering facts, but he's very imaginative and good with art. colors especially.

wants to be a clown someday. probably could

hard of hearing after time happened

mostly sensory-seeking. also when he happy stims he shakes his head really fast because!!! because

wouldn't it be fucked up if his blood was oil lol. wouldn't it be fucked up if roy's blood was oil

he's the most emotionally aware of the trio. unexpectedly good at reading people. he has all those strange fears (horses, eggs, sky, moon, that stuff), but he's never scared of the unusual. the unsettling, uncanny, unnatural. it does not bother him. he is attracted to the dark and macabre with the idea that they are something kind. and he's right about it, too. that's why he's friends with salad. he knows there's nothing to be afraid of.

^ that's my favorite yellow guy headcanon ever actually. if i think about it for too long i might cry

generally averse to touch. really not okay with unprompted physical contact. on the rare occasion where he does want to be touched, he'll initiate.

yellow has changed to be a lot more confrontational than he was in the webseries. he has a tendency towards physical violence and outbursts of that sort. he's a lot more rebellious than he was before. i suppose you could call it "growing up a little"?

i think of clayhill (the show) as taking place after the webseries as a sort of disconnected sequel. a Feltlands 2.0. like they made it out of the original simulation (into the forest), but couldn't make it far enough to escape for real. they've been reset to the awareness they had before, but the events of the webseries have affected their personalities in ways they don't understand the reason for. thus the new confrontational aspect to yellow's personality.

and for comic-yellow specifically, he has got quite the complex around abandonment. kind of easy to see where that came from.

i think that. the whole thing about yellow, beneath it all, is that he craves acceptance. he needs to belong to something, anything. he doesn't have a sense of his identity. he has no idea who he even is, really. mostly because of that is his need for near constant attention and validation, and his standards for where to find that love are very, very low. it's not so much that he can't tell when someone means bad news (he's actually unexpectedly good at reading people), but that he's more than willing to shove that feeling down and ignore it for the sake of someone's attention.

duck

[cups hands around mouth] FREAK (affectionate)

that is the most important thing about them ever

it's probably a little obvious from the way i write them in the comic lol

basically what happened is the mix of neurodivergence and non-binary swag and hubris and also the undying curiosity of a toddler have made them Like That

they're smart. genuinely. somewhere in there. it's hidden under about twenty-seven layers of stupidity but trust me it's there

and yeah it's only intellectual smarts too. there is Nothing up there for other types. social, emotional. absolutely no practical intelligence

also it has absolutely gotten to their head. arrogant as fuck and for what

has got a tendency to get overly attached to objects. most recently it's been that blue notebook. he takes it with him everywhere he goes, along with a couple pencils. just in case he has anything to write down

oh yeah and he always has something to write down. "science," he calls it, but it's really just following people around and making notes of the "interesting" stuff he observes.

everyone in clayhill is very well aware of duck's tendency to do this. everyone has also been a subject at least once. they... tolerate it

regular committer of casual crime. mostly breaking and entering on various levels of criminality. shoplifting and piracy and arson one time but we don't talk about that. it has yet to be confirmed whether they do this on purpose or just. don't know it's illegal

even before entering the feltlands for the first time, duck had never exactly been the best at the whole emotional regulation thing. they feel everything very strongly, and are prone to all sorts of outbursts.

mostly anger. patience is a virtue and there is not a drop of it in their entire body. thus a lot of the conflict with yellow. duck lives on a pace faster than everyone else, yellow is slow. yellow's sensitive and duck's snappish. so conflict is common.

there's no real malice behind it. i imagine them to be sort of like... brothers? yeah, that. being siblings is my favorite relationship in the entire world and especially if it's imaginary siblings that makes it even better. there's a constant, somewhat-friendly competition between them.

yellow can absolutely push back too don't worry he is just as capable of being a troll

non-binary swag lol. has absolutely no clue what gender they are. doesn't really want to find out either. i use they and he pronouns for them :]

pan obviously "everyone who loves me back" i mean

also the fact they said "everyone" instead of "anyone" is special i think

overdramatic as hell. for literally everything

the whole nervous-wreck thing is a new aspect to their personality. it's really obvious (and very easily manipulable) in the pilot, and it doesn't look like that was present in the webseries. it's the unseen affect of everything that's happened to them.

i do think they genuinely died, in five. oh god i could ramble about five so much (my favorite episode) but that would be too much for right now lol

duck is about as gullible as yellow, although not for the same reasons. yellow is desperate. duck just really sucks at reading people.

loves being the center of attention, they love crowds, love being around people. extroverted and overeager. also they're like. the opposite of charismatic.

i mean. they try, at least. they're just. terrible at it.

talks in a sort of oddly polite manner. phrasing of sentences gets mixed up, so listening to them talk requires taking a couple seconds to rearrange their words in your head to figure out the intended meaning. loves to use idioms they don't know the meaning of.

literally incapable of shutting up. not just talking. they are always, always making some sort of noise. mostly humming. various bird noises (squawking, chirping), constantly.

their voice gets increasingly autotuned/scratchy as they become more upset.

unlike salad, they are entirely aware of their off-putting nature, and have been for a long time. in their adulthood, they've shifted from agonizing about it to just. embracing it. be evil on purpose

red guy

literally the most transgender ever

genderless also. that's the word it likes to use. i like to use he it and she pronouns for it, not so much in an alternating way but more like... whichever you feel like using.

the entire town of clayhill has two braincells and they both belong to red guy. he stole them. he's the braincell hoarder

secretly a memelord. farquaad pointing meme Reddit User

blankface i really should draw it less expressive lol

EX GIFTED KID SWAG honestly

she really was one of those kids that. just latched onto the whole need to be smart need to be special need to save the entire world

naturally by the time middle school happened it was just like. Ah. okay then. i suppose i am Stupid

she's not stupid. just very average. lol

the most important thing about red i think is that he is just Some Guy. like he's the embodiment of just a Dude

the oldest of the trio, not by much.

has sort of assumed a leadership role. not exactly the leaderly type, but yeah sometimes that just happens when you are the only one with any scrap of practical intelligence within a fifty mile radius.

it really doesn't like being that.

there are two things that red guy wants, most of all. the first is this indescribable need to not be... boring, if you will. similar to yellow, it doesn't have a strong sense of its own identity. it knows what it is, sure, but not what it wants to be. the second is for its life to stop being so goddamn weird what the fuck

it would like. to live a normal domestic life. in a house, maybe. have a fancy mug or two. go out on walks sometimes. maybe have a pet cat. or a family. that would be nice.

put most simply, red is the embodiment of "the one normal dude in a weird world," and wishes that would be swapped.

not like he'll ever actually do anything to make that possible. he is suspended in a perpetual state of inactivity

has got a "this might as well happen" outlook to just about everything at this point. maybe more like "well i know bad stuff is gonna happen but can the bad stuff that happens at least be funny"

for some inexplicable reason, he is the closest to reality out of everyone in clayhill. he is also fully aware of this. it's this very specific brand of main character syndrome that's like "hm. okay. i might be the most important person in the entire world. sure wish i wasn't."

i think yellow guy is the actual main character though and if red guy were to realize this it would just be like "oh okay. nice" and be a little more surprised than it lets on.

over-prepared for very intensely thought-out nearly impossible scenarios. like being caught in a time loop, or finding a wormhole. she has very complex plans for any of these world-ending scenarios so that, if they were ever to occur, she would be entirely prepared and would not panic in the slightest.

that type of cryptid where, if it was told everyone thinks its a freak of nature, would go, "okay. sick." and never think about it again

this one is more about the trio as a whole, but i think it can stay in red's section because red is the one who thinks about this the most. he has no idea what he and duck and yellow are, collectively. before any of the feltlands stuff happened, they were just friends. ordinary friends that would go out on holiday sometimes, talk about shared interests, get along easily. but after, well, everything, the dynamics have changed. specifically at the beginning of their new clayhill life (where the comic is, timeline-wise) is when its most obvious that they are not what they were before. thus red taking a sort of leaderly role he definitely did not used to have, and does not want to have. what he has left to realize is kind of simple, actually, and he's gonna feel pretty dumb once it hits him. they're a family. a really weird unusual kind-of-messed-up one. and none of them fit neatly into any traditional role, not in the slightest. and red would realize its best that way. he's not a caretaker, he's not a leader, and no one expects that of him. the three of them are friends who went through a collective trauma, and now that each other is all they have left, they are a family.

i just think they're neat.

#oh i did not know i wanted rambling permission until now #''he's like a fucked up frog or something'' best line to come out of this by far #dhmis #salad fingers #headcanons #THIS TOOK A WHILE SORRY ANON i got into an overthinking loop :[ #i was gonna have a bunch for the teachers too (because i do like the teachers!! i like them a lot!!! i just. never mention them) except i #kinda. had to just. end it here lol #and stuff for the other residents of salad's desert wasteland too!!!! #let's just put that in the Someday list #UGHH AND ROY TOO #boy do i have some WORDS to say about that guy #but i think it might be. a little bit more fun. if i would just let my comic say those words for me :] #lol a lot of this stuff is pulled directly from the part of my brain responsible for the overanalysis of gore puppets and masochistic #lettuce creatures that led to the existence of the comic in the first place. there is. So Much left for that thing #glad you're all on the ride with me

[prayingsohardmykneeshurt]

Imagine, our earth is coming to a very fast death. So look at the solar system each planet represents a layer of the earth. Now imagine the 9th gate, all this talk about God and Satan. It all makes sense, either we are the last earth or there's another one we are building. Web have been feeding the Earth's core or our inner star garbage for how long? The volcanoes are erupting more and more why? The Earth's core is literally coming out of it, this star is going to blow and that's a harsh reality. Now why would NASA lie and say oh look life on other planets. First and foremost i believe we are to technologically dumb to even get to the moon, i don't even think we've been there, seconds all these satellites with mirror finishes going up in the sky anybody seen chicken little? Everything on this planet we perverted, since the dawn of time. We had to over harvest get greedy and destroy everything. How many corral reefs are left? Why is it getting hotter? GMO's, meat, agriculture, HAARP, DARPA, missiles, etc etc etc. Imagine us the United States developing food to help save the starving then making corn, then corn is modified as well as rice and wheat etc etc. On top of that we decided to mow down the Earth's lungs, the Amazon Forest. I guess slaughtering cows is more important than anything else. Now imagine Tesla, where does the lithium come from? Where does it go once the car no longer functions? I've been trying to find a reason to keep on living on this earth and the only thing that remotely came close to keeping me alive was the thought of finding someone my soul mate to love and be with forever but, chances look grim lol.

What angers me more is the government and religion. We all know damn well religion was made up by man so that women would conform to them. All the talk about Adam and Eve, it makes me laugh because ok think about it this way, why would a man, make a man out of himself, pull a rib out of him and make a woman? Wouldn't that be incest? Also where did the Arch Angels come from? It doesn't make sense! Unless God fertilized the Earth which should be so gross. Then you have pictures of the earth and telescope, how the hell does a satellite take it's own selfie? Why are we building all these mirror finished solar panels and have them placed all around a tower? What are you trying to do create a hammer of dawn? You're putting the entire world at risk. Whether time travel well actually time travel does exist. So if you get on a plane and go from let's say Portland Oregon to Hawaii, you're going backwards in time. If you get on a plane in New York City, New York and head to Russia you're kindve going forwards in time. You see that? Inception! Sweet! I didn't even have to go to school and get a fancy degree i just dabbled in drugs andi think limitless the show had a lot to do with it.

Now next we have HAARP, why the hell would we build such a sophisticated machine just to supposedly not use it? The ice caps are melting why? Also aliens have already been here since the beginning of time, microorganisms that we've discovered over all these decades duh... C'mon people don't be stupid. Now we have the government doing population control which is funny, you give citizens free healthcare, then census studies are done and they target the lower minorities still. Then you have Monsanto creating GMO's that way they can be put in foods that people with a lower income can afford. Since organic food stores such as New Seasons, or Natural Grocers are hella (no I'm not a child i just have to think about the audience) expensive. Not only that but why did Nestle pretty much empty the Aquafers? There are so many things that we have done to this beautiful planet and now we're supposedly trying to leave it since we messed it up? Nuclear energy is not good! Never was! Have we already built a dome around ourselves or not yet? Or are we creating an illusion around us with all these mirrors since well i once heard the ocean is like a big ass mirror.... The sky is blue why? Because the son reflects off the water right? What if we can see our own inner core? Imagine if our core was a quasar already?

We can't go anywhere we're stuck here and even if we find a way to upload ourselves to the Internet lol who would take care of that when the earth explodes? Who put a damn satellite in the North Pole? Or is it the South Pole? Nasa or whoever made a huge ass hole in the sky and now they don't know how to fix it unless you're launching trash into space. That means the government is trash?!? Launch away! Haha jk lol now, society made me start thinking about this, celebrities and singers all basically fighting to see who's louder, who's prettier, who's hotter, i mean they have measurements on what a perfect human is supposed to look like. Then you have certain religions attacking other people and it's a mess. We all created our own hell and we have been living in it. There is no heaven there is no life beyond ours, well actually that's up for debate. Have you ever heard stories of children stating they remember living in certain places or doing certain things? My families origins go a ways back i mean my last name literally means pomegranate, along with bravo it's just weird how i stumbled upon all this.

Assassin's Creed was a huge help, along with Halo, think of your TV and video games as our path to the future, all these people come together to build worlds and simulations to see if we would survive in them and whether or not we do they are just that, simulations. I had the opportunity to attend a huge event, E3 in Las Vegas, Nevada. I didn't realize until recently that it was a huge deal because Sony was previewing the prototype for the Oculus, also there were domes, octagon domes with lights and all kinds of things it was amazing. I also got to see a movie at IMAX inside the Portland science museum it was amazing i think it was Maleficent that they were showing. Music, music has been one of the things that i have always had in my life, resonating all around me and it's been a great influence, up until it all started sounding the same and talking about a man and a woman. People no, having more babies isn't going to save our Earth what part of that don't you understand. We've had how many wars? Everyone has missiles now a days, but germ warfare and weather warfare has the place to be.

All in all don't criticize me to hard for all this as it's my own conclusions but I'm open to talking about anything at this point!

[bidrums]

[ID: two tweets, one from user Finn Wake to Neil Gaiman, one from Neil Gaiman in response. The first tweet reads “Why sell out? Just stand by your work or do you lack the intestine fortitude? It irks me more that you just don’t even give a fuck.” The second tweet reads “I give all the fucks about the work. I spent 30 years successfully battling bad movies of Sandman. I give zero fucks about people who don’t understand/haven’t read Sandman whining about a non-binary Desire or that Death isn’t white enough. Watch the show, make up your minds.” end ID]

I can’t begin to describe how happy this response made me. Like many people Death is my favorite character, and I’m not going to lie and say I was a bit anxious about her casting. But Kirby Howell-Baptise is an excellent choice, and I’m super pumped about getting to see her throwing bread (/hj). Not to mention Desire is literally nonbinary in canon, that’s part of their deal. 

And yeah, people are going to complain and be assholes, but seeing the creator of the work so firmly putting his foot down and telling people doing bad faith takes to stfu is awesome to see. Especially for something as influential and well-loved as Sandman. Good Omens showed that the integrity of Neil’s work is very important to him and he will fight to maintain it, and he’s obviously doing the same for Sandman behind the scenes and to people’s faces. Sandman’s near and dear to my heart and has impacted my life for the better, and every new thing we learn about it is proving that it’s the same thing to the people making it. It’s awesome.  Plus, there’s something very satisfying in seeing one of your favorite authors tell someone they’re being a jackass about a series you love. But that’s just a bonus.

@neil-gaiman​, if you ever see this I hope you know your efforts to make a Sandman that is good are definitely showing, and lots of people are pumped to see the final product. And Stephen Fry is the most perfect casting choice in the history of casting choices

#Sandman #neil gaiman #sandman netflix #seriously still processing we're getting it #I know it's been in development hell for more decades than I've been alive #but knowing that it has #and seeing the people in my life #who have been disappointed and even heartbroken #time and time again #like my dad #who was hopeful for the joseph gordon-levitt one #and who just sighed when I told him it stopped #and said 'yeah' #'I hoped it would make it to casting at least' #people who felt like they wouldn't see it happen in their lifetimes #get so excited and relieved #and knowing why they're relieved and being someone who also wanted it to happen #it's contagious #my dad couldn't stop shaking his head and saying 'wow' when fiddler's green was cast #and we both had the dumbest grins seeing stephen fry in this announcement #because it's real and it's happening and it's good #and seeing three of my favorite characters #death #matthew #lyta hall #right there #really happening #and then seeing the person who made those characters #basically say 'fuck you they are the best versions of themselves' #'and I went through the same cycle of being hopeful to disappointed'

[ronon-dex]

hi! i love your blog! can you tell me a little bit about how you feel about dean (sr, not jr)? it's so nice to see someone who loves both brothers, i've been seeing so much hate and it makes me feel so sad for j2 especially

hi anon, thank you for that. I've been pretty down over the past few days, because social media spaces have become extremely toxic. If it's bad for a fan though, I'm sure it's awful for jared and jensen. I hope they're busy with their new jobs and kids and won't see all the negativity.

so. dean senior. love that we're calling him that now, by the way! I have more complicated feelings than most about dean, since I'm such a hardcore sam fan (so fair warning!), but as I've said before - you can't love one brother without at least liking the other. sam and dean are each other's priority, so if you adore dean but hate sam, for example, you have fundamentally misunderstood dean's character.

dean is interesting. he is. his progression in the early seasons from this funny, sweet, cautious, and eminently protective young guy to a self-loathing, resentful, and harsh killing machine in the later seasons is fascinating character development. i love the continuity of it (which is something spn doesn't usually do well). consider that dean spent the first 28 years of his life taking care of a little brother he adored and a father he worshipped, saving people and hunting things (important distinction). he also spent these years trying to keep his family alive and together, all while being kept on the fringes of society due to his father's obsession. so his father dies to save him, and his guilt is crippling. his brother dies due to his perceived negligence and it's unbearable. he is not only a failure, he is the last member of an extinct species. he is in a state that dean winchester the man has never been able to survive: he is alone. so he sells his soul gladly, and then reaps the consequences when he's sent to hell. and hell (like for sam) changed dean on a foundational level.

in hell he becomes a monster. we don't discuss this much as a fandom because uwu dean or whatever, but dean canonically spent a decade doing nothing but viciously tearing human souls apart in a place designed to turn people insane with agony. I don't blame him for that, since he was under coercion, but it's something a former hero like dean would obsess over. every demon went through what dean did. it's ironic, then, that he comes out of hell and almost immediately starts treating sam like he's different, suspecting him of deviancy for departing the norm of their trade by using his supernatural abilities to save lives. this image he's preserved of his wholesome baby brother is interrupted, and he has to reevaluate himself, what he died for. in s4 he is 44 years older than his brother, his brother who seems to think dean is weak, and stupid, and untrustworthy. dean knows demons, knows ruby's kind more intimately than he will ever be able to admit, and he probably gets to thinking that if he focuses all this rage and disgust on sam, on ruby, he can avoid dealing with his own actions and traumatic experiences. we know the outcome of this. for years sam is blamed for the apocalypse, sam is abandoned to torment, sam gets diminished and beaten down until he's sobbing in a church begging for suicide rather than face dean's disappointment. it becomes clear that dean's flashbang youthful temper has transitioned to a thousand cold, hateful grudges: for sam, his father, his mother, castiel, jack, god, and so on, grudges he'll whip out when he's feeling cornered or irritated. he's prone to beating his loved ones, to lying to them. he violated his brother's autonomy in the same way as lucifer, the individual who tortured sam so badly and in such reprehensible ways that it broke sam's mind. he manipulated his brother into staying with him against his will, and in doing so fulfils his most basic wish, the wish he's had since he was a child - certainty that he will never, ever be alone again.

I'm being rough, I know. hut here's the thing. I still love the guy. why? truthfully, it's because underneath the hard shell that hell made around him, there's an aperture in it that's sam shaped, and a softness that only sam can bring out. I love that he loves sam so much he'd destroy himself and anyone else to save him. I love that he has such a twisted perception of family that he goes to extremes to keep himself and sam together. I love that being a hero is his day job, and I love that that means he doesn't give up, that he always has to find a loophole, a solution, something that will turn their luck and make the world better. he can still be caring, and nurturing, and funny and protective and sweet. even when he's not, when he's an asshole, he's our asshole. (and I haven't had a chance to express this with everything going on, but I am actually sad that he didn't get his own long life. I think he deserved a construction job and a porch and a dog, and for his memories of hell to stay just that- memories.)

dean winchester pushed his pain outward, whereas sam pushed his inward, so I'm always going to relate to the latter more. but dean is in his heart a protector, a captain kirk-esque man of passion that contrasts wonderfully with sam's logic. I wouldn't have the show be without him.

#sorry if this is more critical that you were looking for anon #i do love him #crazy bastard ❤ #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural

[malachi-walker]

What character(s) from other fandoms that you're a part of remind you the most of Catra? Personally, I don't think I've seen too many, aside from maybe Vegeta from DBZ and maybe Jason Todd from DC comics but that's about it for me

Ok, anon, thanks for your patience. Let's go.

Firstly, I have two ladies that do give me a similar vibe to Catra (though they aren't 100% matches as you'll see.) And I want you to take particular note of that: it's very telling that the characters you mentioned are both dudes. This is something I have been thinking about for literally decades because it is a deeply entrenched stereotype in our culture: male abuse victims are angry, frustrated loners who lash out until they find that one (girl) person that gets through their facade, female abuse victims are portrayed as either anxious messes (more common in recent years) or as just... These smiling caricatures who continue to pretend to be happy because that's what our societies expect women to be. And this is something I took note of at a very early age, because as someone growing up with an abusive birth father I looked to the MALE characters as a guide book on how to act, because getting angry and lashing out was what made sense to me at the time and I resented the hell out of that unspoken implication that I was supposed to just suck it up and plaster on a smile when I wanted to rage against the injustice of what I was dealing with. In hindsight it wasn't great behavior, but it was what I needed to keep myself sane at the time. I'm not even exaggerating when I say I have waited my whole life for a character like Catra: someone who is reflective of my experiences as an ex-abuse victim, someone who is angry and wrathful and still allowed to be sympathetic. Now on to our two ladies.

First up: Vriska Serket from Homestuck. (I know, Homestuck is a huge fandom with a lot of assholes, but I do still enjoy the original comic. I just don't interact with the fandom.) Vriska and Catra both have similar vibes in the way they project their outward personas of being the badass bitch who takes no shit and is on top of things, but we all know that's a lie. And they both come from abusive backgrounds: Vriska was forced to become a killer at a very young age because her parental guardian (a literal giant spider) would eat her if Vriska didn't feed her other kids. Doesn't excuse her jerkass tendencies or her terrible actions, but that was how she started out. And Catra's deal with SW needs no explanation.

They both have developed very similar gadfly tendencies in order to maintain a sense of control around other people (though Vriska is a lot more mean spirited about it) and both have moments when the facade cracks and they show actual sincerity and frustration at themselves and other people. The main difference between them is that Vriska's actions are driven by a sense of grandiose self-importance that she has cultivated and fed into as a way to avoid looking at her own actions (because she's the best, so everything she does is awesome, right?) whereas Catra's primary driving motivation is pain: either making sure she doesn't have to hurt anymore or hurting those who hurt her. Plus Catra grapples with her sense of guilt a lot throughout Spop and maintains those sympathetic undertones while Vriska's moments of clarity are so rare that you basically have to keep a chart to locate them. But you could totally picture them both teaming up to make fun of their respective frenemies, assuming they didn't kill each other first for reminding themselves of their deep underlying self-loathing.

Second candidate: Anthy Himemiya from Revolutionary Girl Utena. And boy howdy, if anyone is interested in this show and wants to avoid spoilers, skip to the end now, because we're going on a deep and dark journey here.

At first glance, she and Catra don't have much in common. In fact, she seems to fit the stereotype I described above: the placid smiling doll who takes the abuse and keeps going. Key word: seems to. Anyone who actually watches the show knows exactly where I'm going here.

We're introduced to Anthy as the "Rose Bride": the prize in a series of sword fights between students at a very strange school, with the ultimate promise being that whoever owns the Rose Bride at the end of the duels will gain some nebulous ultimate power. And yeah, I said "own" for a reason: whoever possesses the Rose Bride effectively owns her and some of the most uncomfortable scenes in the show reinforce the fact that Anthy tailors her thoughts and actions to whoever currently controls her. And as you can expect, this leads to BUCKETS of abuse. Literally everyone in this show is culpable in some manner for this, no matter how well intentioned.

But remember that "seems to?" Because that's only one side of Anthy; the outward persona if you will. On the other side of the coin you have Anthy the Witch, and that's where the parallels with Catra come into play and why Anthy was my go-to abuse representation before Spop rocked my world. Because the big twist we find out at the end of the series is that Anthy and her older brother Akio (formerly Dios) are the former literal personifications of the fairytale damsel in distress princess and the noble prince on a white horse, respectively.

But the balance was upset: having to constantly go around saving people was literally killing Dios, because one of the major points of RGU is that you can assist people in saving themselves but doing it yourself strips them of agency and traps them in a cycle of needing to be saved again and again. The more people the noble prince saved, the more people needed saving. When it became clear that he couldn't keep going, Anthy took a stand and prevented the people coming for Dios (angry that he wasn't saving them anymore) from getting to him, and thus incurred the wrath of everyone and got skewered alive by an angry mob in the process. This isn't hyperbole: the role of the Rose Bride is to instinctively bring out the disdain and hatred of everyone on the planet. It's a punishment for stepping out of line, for not being the placid princess who needs to be rescued anymore.

Because we're operating on fairy tale logic, no longer being a princess means that Anthy became a witch, and no longer being the prince made Dios into satanic archetype Akio. So behind the scenes of the entire show, Anthy is the witch assisting her brother in orchestrating the duels, and their ultimate goal is to find someone pure of heart enough to embody those princely virtues Dios once possessed and to steal that power so Akio can return to being who he once was. All of the psychological torments and head games are designed to weed out the potential candidates to find that special someone... Except it's an impossible goal because no human being can live up to that standard. And with each atrocity they commit it becomes even more impossible to return to being that person.

Ok, tangent done, here's where it gets interesting: Anthy is a character with two sides to her, the suffering Rose Bride fated to endure the hatred of the entire world and the Wicked Witch who manipulates and orchestrates the torment of those around her. But here's the deal: she's a victim too. She's a victim of a system that won't let her be anything other than these two binaries; she's a victim of her brother who has all the power over her and has trapped her in a codependent incestuous relationship, and I don't care how awful the things she's done are: nobody deserves to go through the shit she does. So with all of that in mind, the actions that she goes through as the witch make perfect sense. Why shouldn't she torment these people who do nothing but abuse her and deny her of agency? Even the best hearted of the duellists (aka the ones who don't hit her or abuse her sexually) nonetheless fall into the trap of projecting their own biases and expectations onto her, biases that her role dictates she carry out. Her actions as the witch aren't right, but nothing about this situation is. That's the entire point.

And that's where she ties into being like Catra. Catra does some truly fucked up things, but it doesn't cancel out the fact that she's an abuse victim that has been literally tortured for most of her life for no good reason and has received zero acknowledgement of that abuse in universe. And much like Anthy, she can't begin to heal until the situation is acknowledged, because that's literally step one of breaking the cycle: confirming that this is not okay and that no one deserves the shit she's been through. Just knowing that herself isn't enough: it's acknowledgement from others that enables that process to begin, because no one can recover from abuse in a vacuum. You need outside people to be touchstones, because so much of recovering from abuse is confronting the way it warps your perception and thought processes. You need at the minimum one normal perspective to give you that, preferably more, but one minimum.

Hurting the people who care about her is definitely not okay and I'm not excusing her actions in that category, but it doesn't change the fact that she is justified in wanting to rage and lash out, because she is still trapped in that cycle. She can't heal or let go because the process hasn't even been started. She's not off the hook for the things she's done, but neither should she be automatically condemned without taking those factors into account (which is the entire reason why the distinction between an excuse and a justification exists.)

And if I can be a little pithy... The other similarity between Catra and Anthy is I can guarantee that in twenty years people will STILL be arguing over whether or not Catra "deserved" to be freed from her abusive situation.

Good God this turned into an essay. Hope this makes up for how long it took, anon. And anyone else who makes it this far, treat yourself. You earned it.

#long post #anon #answers #comparitive analysis #yes virginia i am a lit graduate

[rogue-of-broken-time]

Full Circle: a theory about Anti, timelines, the Silent Movie, and you guessed it– f*cking circles.

So I've been having a lot of thoughts about the Silent Movie lately. I know it's not the most recent development in Antisepticeye lore, but holy crap, it really does connect a lot of dots that otherwise would've taken some more time to figure out, I think. Some of this has likely already been said, and some of it may seem like a bit of a stretch, but I really think there could be something here, so bear with me, if you will:

If we set aside Overnight Watch for the time being, the Silent Movie actually gave us some answers and may have solidified a story that actually brings us (wait for it)… full circle.

Here's what I mean:

The video starts with Jack Anti accidentally launching himself too far into the past. He way overshot the point he was looking for and went to a time that was "far too early", to when silent film was the only way to record a video.

A question I have is… what was his original target point on the timeline?

My guess? Either Say Goodbye, or…

The carving video from 2015– a whole year before Say Goodbye– to maybe see if he could alter the timeline so he could eliminate Jack earlier.

But, speculation aside– as established, Anti missed his target point and overshot.

He shot so far into the past that the man we saw in the Silent Movie possibly wasn't even Jack at all, but one of his predecessors.

Jameson.

And Anti chose not to kill him.

Why? Because if he had, if Jameson was a direct "ancestor" of Jack, then Jack probably wouldn't have been born at all, and oh boy howdy that would make all kinds of problems.

So he left Jameson alive, but not unscathed. It's pretty clear that after cutting his finger, JJ became corrupted with Anti inside him, too.

Which leads me to one of the things that sold me on this theory:

October 10th, 2016. Sister Location.

His first message to us?

"You've waited a long time

Now I wake"

… "You've waited a long time"?

Did… did that line make any sense at that point? Honest question here. Were people asking Jack to do things with this "dark persona" people had made for him (whose identity hadn't really been established by Jack himself before then) or… does that line perhaps mean something a little bit more?

Because, now, canonically… Anti HAS altered the past to make himself a part of Jack, maybe reaching as far as to make himself something in Jack's genes or DNA.

Anti now HAS made himself present in a time "before" FNaF Sister Location.

So that means… his first few lines to us in 2016 were not his "first" lines at all.

It was him finally "waking up" after years, if not decades of staying dormant in Jack's bloodline.

However, a small problem lies in that now that Anti has made that loop, he had a hard time getting out of that loop. See where I'm going with this? From day one in October 2016, to Halloween in 2017, all the way backwards to whenever the hell Jameson was alive… then, with the natural progression of time, he went forward to October 2016, and so on and so forth through the year until he flung himself back again.

A repeating timeline. "F*cking circles," one might call it.

More evidence? Look no further than KILL JACKSEPTICEYE.

Exhibit A:

"That doctor thought he could save him, but he was MINE! He was WEAK, just like the rest of them!"

We all think "the rest of them" refers to the other egos– but I'm starting to think that might not be true.

What I'm starting to think "the rest of them" really refers to…? Other Jacks from other timelines.

Not just crazy speculation, either. We all know Jack loves Undertale, and Flowey makes it a point to tell the player that they've achieved every other possible ending multiple times over– he's befriended everyone and he's killed everyone, while also bearing the power to "save over your own death, so you can watch me tear you to bloody pieces over, and over, and over".

Does that last part sound a bit familiar? It should.

Exhibit B:

"I wonder what will happen to your favorite boy… next time."

"Next time"? That makes… a LOT of sense to me, tbh. Because how else is it possible that Jack has died multiple times? See the above Flowey reference. Not to mention DDLC, when in the final "new game" that's started, two of the characters there are miraculously not dead and all three have been recovered in the files.

Anti was threatening what might happen to Jack the next time the timeline reset.

What we see of Anti might actually be results from different timelines– where he left Jack alive in SAY GOODBYE to wait longer to strike and kill him.

Which means that every post-Anti vlog is from a timeline where Jack DIDN'T die, and every Anti appearance (except for Silent Movie and Overnight Watch) is from one where he DID.

Silent Movie, I already attempted to explain. So what about Overnight Watch, then?

That (with maybe the exception of the physical room glitches in each camera) was all of the timelines CONVERGING.

Each of the repeated timelines (without SAY GOODBYE, because that's the one constantly overpassed with each new appearance, meaning that Jack was left alive on Halloween '16 more often than not) made an appearance in some glitch or another– ALWAYS WATCHING, KILL JSE, and Silent Movie were all present at some point.

What I think that means for Anti, since he somehow brought together multiple timelines AFTER the point in the year where he would've been flung backwards to JJ?

He broke the loop. As if time wasn't broken enough before, now it's REALLY f*cked.

But one more little thing– if JJ's corruption was really that far in the past, why did Anti say THESE things to us in Silent Movie?

Well, we all know Anti's all about breaking the fourth wall. He likes speaking directly to US, because he knows that we know about time being "broken", when supposedly the other egos and Jack don't share that awareness.

Anti KNEW we'd see this video when we did– October 31st, 2017. His "save point", if you will.

If this post seemed like a bit of a mind-screw to you, that's because it was for me also. Sorry if I ever got off track or anything, but MAN, this took a turn when I was part-way through writing it as more evidence started hitting me.

And again, I know that probably a lot of this has been said before, but my God, now that somehow Anti may have broken free of that loop, who knows what he's going to do next?

The thought both absolutely terrifies me and excites me. :D

This has been a Rogue theory, this is Rogue, signing off. *winky face and finger guns*

#is YOUR mind screwed? #because mine sure is. #antisepticeye theory #antisepticeye #jacksepticeye #jse #jse egos #rogue theory #therealjacksepticeye