#I keep telling myself also to stop putting work ahead of fun life events but really...work is always there for me

[aroyalpaininthecass]

I need to make new friends. I’ve hesitated because the ones I have are already frustrating enough, so why do I need more? Turns out they might just be bad friends perhaps

#but I'm an introvert and also I have other social issues I am trying to work through so #might not be happening in the foreseeable future #I think the problem is I have gotten used to not having anyone so whatever little patience I had for others is completely gone #so I don't think there's any possible way this would be a painless endeavor #so I won't do anything and I'll end up staying as I am #I keep telling myself also to stop putting work ahead of fun life events but really...work is always there for me #why do I put people who only give me the time of day once a month over my livelihood that is always there #neither work or people is satisfying for long so I'll go with the one that gets me money #this is some Holly AF shit

[sg-marshall]

sims 4 trait legacy challenge

Overview:

This is a ten generation legacy challenge based on some characteristics people can possess. Each generation will be based upon a new trait. The style and gender of the generation is completely up to you (I usually play as women but gender does not matter in this challenge)! Complete all goals before focusing on the next generation. Some may play onto each other, so be sure to look ahead before moving forward! I created an adapted version for people who do not have the packs I used listed below the challenge. I wanted to make sure everyone could play and not feel left out!

Rules:

No cheats or mods!

Start off with $20,000 and a build a house wherever you want one.

Complete all six goals for every generation before moving onto the next one.

Complete the full aspiration and reach level 10 in the set career.

There is no rules when it comes to aging up but I suggest waiting until it is their set birthday.

Play on normal life span.

Packs Used: Base Game, Discovery University, Seasons, City Living, Get to Work, Cats and Dogs, Parenthood, Spa Day, and Knifty Knitting

Generation One: Responsibility

You are a very old fashioned person who believes things have a certain way of being done. Every object in your house has a set place, the person you marry you are supposed to stay with forever, and the world should be a clean place to live in. Never once have you strayed away from your beliefs and you’ve always lived your life by the book. Even once your partner dies and you are left with a child who cannot handle their passing, you stay true to your morals. (EDIT: I have been playing this challenge myself and found that the final level of the aspiration said “have a child master a career”. I do not know if you have to be in the household for that, but if you do, just add this generation to the household of the next one before they master it. It is also okay if you want to ignore/cheat this part.)

Traits: Neat, Good, Green Fiend

Aspiration: Successful Lineage

Career: Education (Administrator Branch)

Goals:

Max charisma skill.

Max research and debate skill.

Be married as a young adult, but have your partner die (do not tell your child how) once they reach adult hood. Never remarry.

Have only one child with your partner.

Complete the snowglobes collection and have them set up in a specific room in your house.

Make your neighborhood green and keep it that way.

Generation Two: Determined

You’ve always struggled to cope with the death of your father/mother ever. Maybe that's because you never really knew why they died in the first place. Left with too many questions to handle, you destroy your relationship with your friends and family and run away to find some answers. This entails a trip to Sixam, where you can finally wrap ahead around the passing of you mom/dad. You decide to come home just in time to see your mom/dad just before they too pass away. After a heart-breaking conversation, you realize that all the secrecy was for the best.

Traits: Gloomy, Ambitious, Loner

Aspiration: Nerd Brain

Career: Astronaut (Interstellar Smuggler Branch)

Goals:

Max rocket science skill.

Max mischief skill.

Build a rocket ship and fly to Sixam.

Run away and live on your own as a teenager. 

Have a horrible relationship with your mom/dad as a young adult, but become best friends with them before they pass away.

Complete the microscope prints collection.

Generation Three: Loving

Your mother/father was extremely distant growing up, which caused you to rely on friends as your family. Your childhood best friend has been with you every step of the way, and you ended up fell in love with them. All you wanted to do was be a mother/father, but found out you could never have children. You adopt a child as a baby and raise them as your own, teaching them everything you wish your parents did for you.

Traits: Romantic, Family - Oriented, Foodie

Aspiration: Soulmate

Career: Babysitter (Teenager), None (Young Adult and older)

Goals:

Max parenting skill.

Max wellness skill.

Marry your childhood best friend.

Adopt a baby after you get married.

Teach your toddler to max all skills.

Have a side passion of knitting.

Generation Four: Intelligence

You grew up incredibly smart with no knowledge of who your real parents were. However, that never mattered to you. Your adoptive parents have made it their life goal to advance your gifts in every way they know how. Late nights of helping you with homework, early mornings of finishing projects, and spending their fortunes to enroll you into the college of your dreams. All you wanted to do was repay them by becoming a world renowned journalist. You dedicate your best-sellers to them because, after all, they’ll always be your biggest fan.

Traits: Genius, Bookworm, Unflirty

Aspiration: Academic

Career: Writer (Journalist Branch)

Goals:

Max logic skill.

Max writing skill. 

Reach level eight in five other skills of your choice.

Go to the University of  Britechester and study Language and Literature (distinguished).

Join the Debate Guild and reach the highest rank.

Write five novels.

Generation Five: Hard - Working

Fashion has been your passion since you were a little girl/boy. You even asked your parents to stop dressing you as a toddler because the clothes they picked were “not stylish enough.” As a self-proclaimed style icon, you knew you had to make your biggest dream come true: to create your own fashion line. So, as soon as you graduated high school, you packed your bags and moved to the big city - San-Myshuno. There you created your social media platform and blew up! A normal life was never your style, and you made sure to put in as many hours as it would take to achieve all you ever wanted.

Traits: Perfectionist, Self - Assured, Materialistic

Aspiration: City Native

Career: Style Influencer (Stylist Branch)

Goals:

Max photography skill.

Max painting skill.

Must live in San-Myshuno.

Complete the crystals collection.

Hire a nanny for your child and do not spend much time with them.

Gain 10,000 followers on Simstagram.

Generation Six: Resilience

After being known as “the child of the most famous fashion designer” all your life, the city became a toxic place for you. You hated the loud noises, constant stream of people, and just wanted to live a quiet life. You loved visiting your grandmother/father’s house and hearing one of her/his famous stories. You decided to pull inspiration from one of their novels and live off by the coast in the adorable Brindleton Bay. Your passion for crafting and living off the land inspired you to start a small business selling your candles and juice - all locally grown of course. 

Traits: Loves Outdoors, Maker, Creative

Aspiration: Master Maker

Career: Freelancer (Simply Crafted)

Goals:

Max fabrication skill.

Reach level eight in both candle making and juice fizzing.

Move to Brindleton Bay as a young adult.

Have four or more kids.

Complete the frog collection.

Never go to an event in the city or visit the city once you are a young adult.

Generation Seven: Carefree

Being in a big family is can be hectic at times. So, you decided to be the happy jokester in the middle just trying to get people to crack a smile. And you got really good at it. As a major people person, you made sure to get to know everyone you meet. You even started a tradition of taking a picture with them so you could never forget that moment. Your friends will always invite you to go out because you are known for being the life of the party. However, the parties you host, are even better. You decide to live life as if it was one big stage, and you’re the star performer.

Traits: Goofball, Clumsy, Outgoing

Aspiration: Party Animal

Career: Entertainer (Comedian Branch)

Goals:

Max comedy skill.

Max singing skill.

Host a party every week.

Take a photo of every person who visits you.

Marry someone you met just two days before.

Attend every festival or event you are asked to attend.

Generation Eight: Kind

Expected to be just like your mother/father, no one ever assumed you would be the quiet kid who preferred reading over partied. However, that is exactly who you were. When it was that time of the week for a new social event, you either left for the library or locked yourself in your room, praying it ended soon. Your parents noticed you struggled talking to people, so they allowed you to adopt a puppy once you became a teenager. You and your dog instantly became best friends and you took them everywhere. Even though you may not be great with people, being compassionate was a skill you ranked high in. You always looked out for the less fortunate and wanted to provide in anyway you could.

Traits: Vegetarian, Loner, Good

Aspiration: Friend of the Animals

Career: Gardner (Floral Designer Branch)

Goals:

Max gardening skill.

Max flower arranging skill.

Keep up a garden of just flowers.

Adopt strays: one dog, and two cats.

Marry an ambitious sim.

Donate $100 to charity weekly.

Generation Nine: Impulsive

You grew up hearing stories of your grandmother/father’s so called “wild days” and fell in love with the energy it brought. However, your mom/dad raised you better than to go out spending life as if there was no consequences. Finding a balance started off to be very challenging for you. You could never hold down relationships and even got pregnant/got someone pregnant twice. It wasn't until you became a secret agent and learned how to live two lifestyles: one full of fun and adventure; the other more stable and structured.

Traits: Active, Non-Committal, Bro

Aspiration: Bodybuilder

Career: Secret Agent (Diamond Agent Branch)

Goals:

Max fitness skill.

Max handiness skill.

Go to either college for Psychology and play soccer.

Have four failed relationships and never get married.

Have two children from two different relationships.

Move three times once you become a young adult.

Generation 10: Passionate

Because your mother/father’s job required you to move around so much, making real life friends was a lot harder than it seemed. So, you built your relationships within the online community. Every day, you and your closest friends would hop online and compete in tournaments or even play for fun. As the years went on, you became really good at coding and even started working on your own apps. You looked up to the players from ESports Gaming - only the best gamers in the world - and longed to be sitting in one of their spots. And sure enough, after years of perfecting your strategies and game plays, your dreams came true!

Traits: Geek, Hot-Headed, Outgoing

Aspiration: Computer Whiz

Career: Tech Guru (ESport Gamer Branch)

Goals:

Max programming skill.

Max video gaming skill.

Complete the MySims Trophies collection.

Attend and compete in every Geek Con convention.

Make five video games or apps.

Mentor your child/ren for five hours each.

Adaptations:

Gen 1:

If you do not have Discover University, go into the Business career (Management Branch).

Max cooking skill if you do not have Discover University.

If you do not have City Living, complete the postcards collection.

Gen 2:

Unlock the secret world in Oasis Springs if you do not have Get to Work.

Gen 3:

If you do not have Parenthood but do have Get to Work, max the baking skill.

If you do not have both Parenthood and Get to Work, max the gourmet cooking skill.

If you do not have Spa Day but do have Knifty Knitting, max the knitting skill.

If you do not have both Spa Day or Knifty Knitting, max the photography skill.

If you do not have Knifty Knitting, have a side passion of photography.

Gen 4:

If you do not have Discover University, read a new skill book every week instead of attending university.

Gen 5:

If you do not have City Living, have the  Fabulously Wealthy aspiration.

If you do not have City Living, live in Oasis Springs.

Gen 6:

Do not have a career if you do not have Eco-Lifestyle. Instead, craft item on the woodworking for money.

If you do not have Eco-Lifestyle, max the fishing skill instead of reaching level eight in candle making and juice fizzing.

If you do not have Cats and Dogs, move to Evergreen Harbor.

If you do not have both Cats and Dogs or Eco-Lifestyle, live in Willow Creek

If you do not have Eco-Lifestyle, have the self-assured trait instead.

If you do not have Eco-Lifestyle, have the Angling Ace aspiration.

Gen 7:

If you do not have City Living but do have Get Together, max the dancing skill.

If you do not have both City Living or Get Together, max the mixology skill.

Gen 8:

If you do not have Dogs and Cats, have the Freelance Botanist aspiration.

Do not have a career if you do not have Seasons. Instead, sell your plants for money.

If you do not have Seasons but have Get to Work, max the baking skill.

If you do not have both Seasons or Get to Work, max the violin skill.

If you do not have Dogs and Cats, but have Seasons, own three bees nests and two insect nests instead of owning pets.

If you do not have both Dogs and Cats or Seasons, have three children instead of having three pets.

If you do not have City Living, have the cheerful trait.

Gen 9:

If you do have Strangerville, go into the Military Career (I do not have it, so I played as a Secret Agent)

If you do have Snowy Escape, have the adventurous trait instead of the active trait (I do not have it but believe they would be adventurous).

If you do not have Discover University, read five skill books over different topics, instead of going to college.

Gen 10:

If you do not have City Living, compete in an online tournament weekly instead of going to Geek Con.

#sims #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 legacy #small creator #newchallenge #lilsimsie #clairesiobhan #maxismatch #maxismatchccworld #legacy #sims4 #basegame #traits

[flamingo-writes]

It's Better When The Sun Goes Down — Nanami x Reader

This is a piece for the Anilysium Server NSFW Collab! Make sure to check the masterlist to see other writer's works! This month's prompt was: "I can't hold back anymore"

I'd like to dedicate this fanfic to one of my dearest and closest friends. I'm not a Nanami simp myself, but they are. And I have fun writing for Nanami, and also I love writing angsty things and flawed characters. Reg, I hope you enjoy this as much as you enjoy my more casual writing.

(it's pink bcs youre Chancho)

Word Count: 5.4K

Warnings: Mentions of breakup and heartbreak, alcohol and drug consuption, public sex, ghosting, lots and lots of angst. This does not have a happy ending. This is also non proof read bcs I kinda left it to the last minute I'm sorry, I'll go back and edit it when I am not in a rush dcj nd

Summary: Nanami’s return to the Sorcerer life wasn’t so bad. It could be better if Gojo wasn’t determined to get him back with his ex. As Nanami tries to get on good terms with them, things get out of control, only to end up where it all began.

I made this playlist while writing, in case you wanna listen to it while reading. Preferably listen to it without the shuffle, but you can hear it on shuffle, no biggie.

Nanami had forgotten how painfully unbearable Gojo could be. His return as a Sorcerer had been nothing out of the ordinary for a Sorcerer's standards. Missions here and there, or watching over some of Gojo's students. But God, he had surely stepped out of the line this time.

He couldn't even begin to explain how much he hated his current situation. Fighting by your side for the first time in years felt like rubbing hot oil on an open wound. The uncomfortable ignoring the elephant in the room between you two, as you two tracked and fought what felt like a million Curses.

When the adrenaline was at its peak, it felt almost nostalgic; though he'd then remembered everything else and immediately made his own reality bitter and awkward. Overshadowed by the advantage of years of experience ahead of him made him resent you even more. He knew it was childish and pointless to keep remembering everything that happened between you two, but that bittersweet memory would most likely keep him at bay.

You were still strong, witty, fearless, reckless and quick to act and defend yourself. The way you moved looked more swiftly and coordinated than you did back in your student days. Almost as if you were a professional dancer. He hated every bit of it. He couldn’t stop looking at you, thinking about you, and the possibilities of what you two would have become.

After the mission was over, no words were exchanged between you two. Aside from the: "Are you alright?" He told you as you simply gave him a thumbs up as you caught your breath drenched in sweat. An entire ride in an uncomfortable silence, until he reached the school and you got out of the car.

"Thanks. You did a great job. Keep it up" You said. Cold, and straight to the point. Closing his car door before he could reply. And soon, you were gone.

As Nanami tried to get his mind off the mission, Gojo made it difficult. He called him to ask for the details of the mission. He seemed amused and intrigued, as clearly you hadn't told him shit. And honestly, he could understand why. Gojo was meddling on things that weren’t his business, and things that had died a long time ago.

"Why are you interrogating me, Gojo?" He asked as he pressed hisnfingers on the bridge of his nose. "Ask your underling…"

"Because that jerk left for the bar as soon as they arrived" He explained. "And I know better than to annoy a drunk [Name], It took me a while but...I finally learned my lesson" He chuckled. “I knew they could hit hard, but damn, I had a big ass bruise…” Nanami could almost hear his stupid grin.

"You make it sound like it's a recurrent event" Nanami pointed out, slightly surprised as he didn't know you were a drinker.

"Oh, Nanami-kun, you really know nothing huh?" Gojo said, smiling widely as he had managed to manipulate Nanami into asking.

"Know what?" Nanami hissed as he now swore he could hear Nanami creepily grinning at his phone.

"No, nothing!” Gojo said as if it were nothing; trying and succeeding at peeking at Nanami’s curiosity “I'm not gonna talk over depressing things on the phone. Gotta go, bye! Kith kith, Kento-kun" Gojo sang and hung up, as he smirked, proud of his little mischief. He sighed deeply as he stretched in his bed. "Soon, those two will be back together" he smirked to himself.

Nanami hissed a curse under his breath as he locked his phone and threw it on his bed and went to the kitchen. If he had understood well, Gojo had just hinted at a possible drinking problem. He tried shaking his mind off of it. You couldn't, could you? You weren’t a drinker...You weren’t the last time he saw you. You were able to party and have fun without having to intoxicate yourself.

You were wild, cheerful, unpredictable. Everything he was not. And that’s what had made him fall in love with you back in your school days. You were so laid back, he could feel it permeating into him when you two hung out. The few times he’d broken rules was because you’d been the bad influence, however, you somehow managed to get away with it, and leave him with some distant memory in which he felt actually glad to be alive. He usually felt like he was walking on a cloud stuck in time, being present and enjoying the little things that made his everyday memories.

He’d really screwed up after breaking up with you...if he could call that a breakup... His life took a dramatic turn. And then, he turned his back to this world, and got immersed in the gray life the average man in Japan had. Away from what he's familiar with, away from his friends, away from you.

And now, apparently, you had a drinking habit. He wondered if he had caused it, or if he was one of the reasons behind it. The guilt started creeping in. The same guilt and regret he felt after ghosting on you. Not being able to bring himself to properly end things with you.

The guilt he’d managed to swipe under the rug for so many years creeped back out, and followed him around as the afternoon went by. After having a shower, changing into more comfortable clothes and in a lame attempt to cook dinner, he decided to test his luck. He put on a dark button down shirt and decided to go to the bar closest to the School. He felt the naive hope to find you there. However, if you had an actual problem, then his chances to see you there were higher.

Such was his surprise to find you there, trying to get rid of some insistent guy who kept talking to you despite your very obvious lack of interest. Before you could spot him, he watched you aggressively turn to the guy and talk to him in a rather rude tone. Sounding almost like a moody sailor as the guy’s face soon was washed with horror and disgust and walked away. As you turned your face back to your drink, your eyes scanned the bar, finally spotting him.

“Oh god” You whined as you pulled the glass to your lips. “It’s too early to be this drunk…” You hissed.

“Mind if I sit here?” He asked, pointing at the chair in front of you.

“Tell Gojo to go fuck himself…” You snapped at him as you stood up and stumbled your way to the bar asking for a refill. Nanami looked at you, feeling slightly sorry for your tipsy state, as he’d never seen you like that. And he knew being mad and drunk was never a good combination. As you turned around with your glass and made your way back to your table, you gave him a slightly repulsed smile. “You’re still here…”

“Gojo didn’t send me here, if that’s what you’re thinking” He replied.

“He might as well have manipulated you into doing so, has that crossed your mind?” You said with a sassy tone as you sat back down. “Why are you still standin’?”

Nanami took that as an invitation as he ignored your last comment, trying to refuse the idea that Gojo had manipulated him.

“Rough day, huh?” He said as you nodded and stared at your drink.

“Look, Kento. I’m glad that you’re back. I really am. You’re strong, and you’re smart…” You began. “But I’m gonna cut the chase, I’m kinda annoyed too. Ever since you got back, Gojo has been sticking his snobby nose into my business” You explained. “Many of the missions he sends you in, I’m supposed to be there as well, but manage to get busy by then and not go”

“So you’re actively avoiding me?”

“Yes” You replied bluntly. “Mostly because Gojo is trying very hard to bring us back together. But no, I learned my lesson the first time” You said taking a sip to your scotch, feeling it smoothly sliding down your throat, no longer feeling the burn from the alcohol.

“I haven’t apologized for that…” Nanami began.

“Don’t” You interrupted him. “It’s better this way”

“Are you sure? Because you still seem to have an issue with it…” Nanami said, managing to read you like an open book like he always did. He still had that ability.

You glared at him, angrily as you opened your mouth to snap back at him, but your mind was foggy and a big portion of your brain was focused on the little details surrounding him. His black shirt, the first buttons undone. His thick wrists, one of them hiding underneath a fancy looking watch, his blond hair pushed back, his sharp features...And god, his smell. The smell of his cologne luring you in like a fly to honey. Since any words made it to your mouth, your next step was to take another sip.

“You’re drinking too fast” He pointed out.

“None of your business” You said standing up and taking your wallet out and leaving a few bills on the tale. “I’m out” You said coldly and walked out of the bar.

Nanami sighed, frustrated that he hadn’t managed to get anything out of interaction. Aside from the pretty clear fact that you disliked him. However, he didn’t think of the possibility of you resenting him so much because you still had feelings for him.

As you walked out of the bar, the chilly wind hit the back of your neck, making you shiver. You cursed, knowing it was going to make you feel drunker faster. You made your way to the school with long steps, trying to make it to your dorm before your last drink made it to your head. Despite the cold wind, the hot tears in your eyes in a way kept your face warm. As you tried to keep yourself from crying, you heard steps behind you.

“Wait” You heard Nanami’s voice calling behind you as you stopped on command, against your own will. You swallowed the lump on your throat and managed to keep the tears still in your eyes, as you refused to look at

him. “At least let me walk you home. You can’t walk on your own like this…”

“Oh, so now you care?” You said turning around and looking at him, giving him a smug smile. “You’ve changed” You scoffed bitterly.

“Please” He said, knowing better than trying to argue with you.

Your stare on him softened, as something within you urged you to say yes. To have more time with Nanami and maybe cling to the bittersweet memories you were constantly reliving since his return.

“Fine” You said, very much to his surprise. He smiled and walked closer to you with the gentle smile that had been haunting your dreams as of lately.

“C’mon. My car is not far from here…”

You stopped coldly as he mentioned a car. Taking a second look at him, you wondered how much he’d changed. He’d become an adult through and through, hadn’t he? While you were still a mess...Or so you thought. To Nanami’s eyes, you were a far better sorcerer and warrior than him. And he envied you for it.

“Are you actually going to take me to the school?” You asked, suddenly growing suspicious of him, as you’d had plenty of experiences with strangers on the street and knew better than going into someone’s car in a drunken state.

Not that you didn’t trust Nanami. You didn’t trust yourself drunk.

“I was actually thinking of taking you somewhere for dinner and then to the school” He said.

“Not hungry”

“No, but you’re drunk. It’ll sober you up, and tomorrow morning you’ll thank me when you wake up without a hangover” He said as he walked towards his car.

“I don’t have any more money on me” You lied, looking for an excuse to avoid spending any more than necessary with him.

“I didn’t ask you if you have money” He said boldly as he managed to make you smirk for the first time since his return.

“Smooth, Nanami. You’ve grown” You said as you followed him.

The walk to his car felt like your chest burnt far more than the alcohol ever did. It felt bitter, it hurt and was nauseating. Was it really it, or was it the alcohol finally catching up with you? Like flashes of instant memories being erased from your memory, the drive to a restaurant felt like a poorly edited foreign film. The car felt like some intense themed park ride as you felt dizzy with the alcohol whispering everything you missed about him. It was gross and it was sickening.

The Ramen sign on the outside on itself managed to sober you up a little by taking your mind off Nanami. As you followed him, clumsily standing on your feet, you sat on one of the tables and tried to make sense of the dancing letters in the menu. More flashes of memories were taken off your head, as you wondered what was happening and how drunk were you for you to start blacking out.

“Not good…” you muttered under your breath.

“Did you say something?” Nanami asked.

“No. Nothing”

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m not”

“You’ll feel better in a bit. Don’t worry…” He said softly as he sipped from a soda you didn’t know he had. When had he ordered it? You looked in front of you to the nice surprise that you had one too despite not knowing how or when. “I ordered some ramen for you. Something spicy...It’ll sober you up faster”

You chuckled as you looked at him.

“And how do you know that?” You asked with a cheeky tone as he smiled softly.

“Went drinking a lot with friends from work” He said. “I learned a few things here and there”

More brief black outs kept lazily painting a rather miserable painting in your memory. As you ate your ramen, you found yourself relaxing more and more. Was it the hot spicy broth? In the beginning, the balck outs weren’t getting any less frequent, however, as the night went by, you found yourself sobering up like he said. Soon, the black outs were gone, however you were still somehow locked in a haze. Although it made sense. The amount of booze as well as the short time, it was going to take a lot more than just one hot bowl of spicy ramen to get you back to a sober state.

The conversation kept flowing comfortably as both of you ate. It was reminiscent of the old days, nostalgic and somehow morbid. As the both of you tried to grasp at the old days when your worries were limited to school work. Catching up like old friends who hadn't seen each other, as if you didn’t have hard feelings for each other.

After having finished your food, Nanami paid for both of your meals and went back out into the cold night. The sky black, stars hidden by the streetlights as you made it to his car and finally noticed the silver color in it.

As he drove back to the school, you noticed he took a small detour, instantly setting alarms in your head.

“Where are we going?” You asked, your voice considerably serious as he noticed the change in tone from the pleasant talk they were having in the restaurant.

“There’s somewhere I’d like to go…” He said as he briefly looked at you and gave you a tender smile.

That smile made your heart uncomfortably skip a beat as you hated the effect he still had on you. You didn’t dare to ask any further as you slowly recognized the route he was taking. As he slowly took one of the roads towards the edge of the city close to the coast line. He stopped in a rather deserted place, as he got off the road and stopped the car.

Despite the lack of light, aside from the few streetlights, you knew exactly where you were. A whole in your chest opened dramatically as you felt your eyes tear up and happy memories attached to the location flooded your mind.

“Kento…” You said chuckling bitterly.

“When I said I wanted to apologize, I meant it…” He said as you clenched your jaw and looked out your window, avoiding his stare.

“And I told you I didn’t want to talk about it…”

“You’re still upset about it, I get it. And I don’t blame you” He began as he felt his heart beating hard in his chest. “Look at me, please”

You wanted to say something to him. But you knew you would break down crying as soon as you opened your mouth. You took a deep breath and without saying anything you looked at him. His dark brown eyes gazing into yours, as he was looking at you with a rather pained stare.

“You remember this place, don’t you?” He asked.

A bitter laugh escaped your lips as you clicked your seatbelt, getting it off.

“I’m done” You said dryly as you opened the door and got out of the car.

“No, [Name]. Please, wait” He said as he mirrored your movements and excited the car walking around it.

“Of fuckign course I know where I am, Kento” You barked as you walked away approaching the door. “I know where I lost my fucking virginity, okay?” You barked as you stopped coldly and looked at him, tears finally streaming off your face. “Look, I’ll make us a favour and summarize this conversation. Yes, you’re a fucking asshole for just taking off one day and completely disappearing. Yes, I’m still mad about it. No, I won’t take your apology. No, I don’t care about whatever shitty excuse you have for me to listen to you. You bringing me here out of all places isn’t going to change shit…” You spat all in one breath as you stopped and took a deep breath.

“I loved you, Kento. I really did. And it hurt to have you just dissipate like you were a hallucination or something...You were my first kiss, my first love, my first everything! And one day I lost all of that. You ruined sex for me!” You yelled angrily. “I could never hold, kiss or sleep with anyone, because at some point I’d see your stupid face, and then be incredibly underwhelmed because I would not enjoy sex. I can’t feel anything anymore, Kento...The only way I can actually enjoy those things is by getting drunk or high” You admitted. “I can’t walk into bookstores, nor eat sandwiches or diet coke, nor drink tea because all those things remind me of you. And yes, it’s lame that all these years later I still care about those things. And this is why I can’t forgive you” You cried, as your voice shook.

Nanami’s heart broke little by little at each one of your words. He knew he’d screwed up and had hurt you deeply. But he wasn’t aware of the actual impact. He clenched his jaw as he felt his chest tight and a lump on his throat. Now the drinking problem made sense. Gojo had painted it like you were an alcoholic, but it wasn’t exactly the case. So you’d gone to the bar to get it off with some stranger, probably pretending it was him.

The dizzying pain and weight of his mistakes blinded him for a second as he walked towards you as you kept bitterly complaining. As you tried to walk away, you made a very poor effort as he caught up with you and cupped your face in his hands, bringing you closer to him and shutting you up by pressing his lips against you.

The sudden surprise made your heart stop. Your mind turning numb and blank at once as you struggled to bring yourself to push him away. However, truth be told, you didn't want to push him away. The poor attempt to push him away was more than obvious. The strong fighter you were, barely making any physical effort. Nanami's hands wrapped around your back and pulled you close, squeezing you against him as he sighed into the kiss.

Finally kissing him back, you locked your lips against his desperately, eager to taste the lips you've been dreading in your dreams. Clinging to him like he was going to disappear again, a soft whimper escaped your mouth. Your chest pressing against him as he felt his own world getting blurry.

He broke the kiss pulling away as he pressed his forehead against yours.

“You have no idea how much I missed you” He whispered as you clung to him.

“I-I…” You stuttered, the words tasting bitter before they even made it to your mouth. “Fuck, I want you, Kento” You growled as he pulled you in, kissing you hungrily again.

His hands posessively clinging to you as he slowly guided you back to the car. One step at the time as you both melted in a hungry sour kiss. As you ran out of breath, you pulled away, gasping for air as you gripped his collar in your hands.

“I can’t hold back anymore” You said as you pulled away and grabbed his hand, walking back to his car.

Your words unleashed a shiver down his spine as his heart skipped a beat and raced like crazy, as his pants started feeling tighter on his crotch. He chuckled softly as he realized his own judgement seemed to have disappeared with that first kiss. And before you could even make it to his car, he gripped your hips and spun you around as he bumped his forehead against yours.

“I can’t either” He admitted as he guided you to the car’s hood and pulled you over it. Ass you sat on the warm hood, he got between your legs and you wasted no time wrapping them around his waist. He grunted softly feeling your crotch against his as you pulled him closer to seal your lips together.

As you soon were absorbed by the dizziness of your rising heat, his hand went to your bare thighs as he slowly caressed your skin, going up and lifting your skirt up in the process. A soft moan slid into his mouth as he gripped your ass softly and squeezed it. The way your skin got covered in goosebumps and how you jerked your hips made him moan in response.

It felt good, and intoxicating. The driving desire burning his insides. The feeling of desiring to taste you all over and have you shaking underneath him. God, he’d missed that particular rush of adrenaline. His body reacting to the deeply buried memories now loose. He felt like he was in the best high he’d experienced. Lightheadedness and presence in the moment, he hadn’t felt this alive in so long.

Your hands were slowly undoing his buttoned shirt and were quick to explore his warm skin. He pulled away from the kiss, gasping as he looked at you. Your devilish smile matching your hungry stare. You leaned forward kissing his neck, nibbling on his skin every now and then. His hand gripped your hair tightly, pulling it lightly, making you look up at him as he stared at you.

He leaned forward, kissing you once more, this time a lot more slow and a lot more tender. It was sweet and it was slow and it took you by surprise. You felt his sweet kiss begging you, still holding on to the feelings you both decided to drown unsuccessfully. It almost hurt. It was the kind of kiss that told you how much you missed and needed each other. How much you regretted the mistakes you’ve done.

As you melted against his lips, his hands slowly slid your panties off. You helped him lifting your hips a little but as you giggled against his lips.

“Eager?” You said with a playful smirk.

“You have no idea” He replied as he took off your panties and shoved them in his back pocket.

His hand made it back to your thigh, slowly going up until he palmed your hot sex. Stealing a gasp out of your mouth, he teasingly ran one of his fingers through your dripping slit, making him smile satisfied.

“I’m not the only one, huh?” He said as you looked at him with lustful eyes.

You took his glasses off and set them aside. You were about to go back to kissing his neck when he slid one finger inside of you effortlessly. A rather loud moan escaped your lips as you shut your eyes closed feeling your entire body tingle in a way you hadn’t felt in years. You smiled satisfied as you continued kissing his neck. Slowly, he got another finger inside. The delicious stretch of his second finger prompting you to bite his neck softly making him growl your name softly. His fingers explored the whole he knew so well, as he found your sweet spot almost by muscle memory. More moans came out of your throat sounding like music to his ears.

“Fuck, Kento” You hissed as you took off your top, not caring that you were outdoors and by the road. Up to this point, you were so pent up, you simply craved him like you’d never craved anything before.

Nanami wasted no time and kissed your neck, going down to your neck, gently biting your skin every now and then. Sucking delicately on your skin, leaving marks that wouldn’t last long. He pulle dhis fingers out of you, clinging to your body desperately. As you laid on the car’s hood, you devoured him with your lustful eyes, begging him to get on top of you. Wearing just your skirt by this point, Nanami groaned at the plain sight of you.

He undid his belt and his pants. Your hands playfully teasing your own body in an attempt to drive him crazier and crazier. He cursed under his breath as he couldn’t take it any longer. He pulled his painfully hard erection out of his pants. You watched hi, intrigued, stretching your hands towards him, gently gripping his dick. His breath hitched and you smiled proudly.

Nanami leaned over the car hood, slowly getting on top of you, his shaft resting on your belly as he looked at how much deep could he go inside of you. His tip almost reaching you belly button, as the idea alone made a shiver run down his spine.

"Please, Kento" you gasped, need dripping from your voice as you caressed his dick

He growled softly as he pulled away softly, aligning against your entrance and slowly going in. You gasped, pushing your head back and pressing your hips against his making him go deeper.

Hissing your name, he jerked his hips, his tip.kissing your cervix as sudden rush of pain jolted through your body, followed by pleasure. You dug your nails in his shoulders as he thrusted back and forth, hitting all the right spots. The sound of his gasps and grunts hypnotizing as you got wetter by the second. His length coated in your juices, echoing in lewd wet noises.

He was rough. He usually was. Back in student days, he was particularly rough. As quiet and collected as he seemed, he sure got his stress out if his body through wild sex.

Relentlessly pushing against you, stretching you in such a delicious way only he knew how. Strong and aggressive movements as your walls swallowed him whole every time, breathless moans escaping your lips with every push. The cool wind kissing your skin, only enhancing his warmth.

As you felt your orgasm progressively approaching, the realization of how addicted you were to him hit you. He was everything you desired. And it was wrong. Before the feeling of uneasiness started to sink in, a sudden electric rush ran through your body. Painfully and soothing, as you tightly clenched around himbsoon numbed your mind.

As you came around him, your walls sucked him in tightly, as he was right over the brink, your velvet flesh pushed him off the edge. He didn't have time to pull out. And honestly, he didn't want to pull out. The way your walls milked him felt delicious. As he rode you through your orgasm, filling you up as his head felt dizzy and the world was spinning faster than usual. His hot seed coating your insides, as you shut your eyes closed, feeling the very last of your orgasm fading away.

He pressed his forehead against yours. Loud pants echoing.

However, the world didn't quite return to its regular focus.

The rest of the night went by in a fuzzy hot mess of events. You returned to his apartment and kept feasting on each other, making up for the lost time. Both of you incredibly starved and needy, you desperately went at it over and over again. It was a rather long night. As you feared, no one made you feel as he did. All of him was addicting. His smell, his voice, his warmth, his skin...It didn’t matter how many strangers you fucked, or how drunk or high you were, he felt just right. He made you cum so easily, it seemed ridiculous everyone else couldn’t.

But you knew it was far more than that.

You were still deeply in love with him. No wonder why he had that effect on you. Just hearing his breathlessly gasp was enough to have you soaking wet and under his mercy. Between sweet kisses, fake promises and sweaty sex, he quite literally fucked you to oblivion. Until either of you could take it any longer and you two fell asleep in each other’s arms. It had been a long tiring night, as you knew many of your muscles were gonna be sore the next day. Your chest painted in red and blue bruises.

It was possibly one of the best night sleeps he’d had. In such a long time. The uncomfortable hole in his chest didn’t feel so wide now. Just like you, he didn’t know how much he actually needed you until now. His regrets, his guilt, the thoughts haunting him on how much of a jerk he’d been when he simply took off...All those feelings went away for a night. As he tasted the wonders of the universe under your skin. Feeling ecstatic and euphoric for the first time in years. However, nothing could’ve prepared Nanami for what he was about to experience when he woke up.

~

“What the hell is this?” Gojo asked as he waved around the folder you’d left a few hours earlier in the Headmaster’s office.

“Why the fuck do you care?” You said as you grabbed it, ripping it off his hands.

“You’re seriously leaving for Kyoto?” He whined.

“So my transfer was accepted? Great!” You said sarcastically as you opened the folder and saw the Headmaster’s seal at the bottom.

“What about Nanami-kun?” Gojo replied as the very last string of your patience snapped.

“Oh, fuck you, Gojo! You tried to force us back together, but it’s not going to happen” You snapped. “I’m done. I’m done with him, and I’m done with you sticking your nose in my business”

“Do you really think that running away will solve anything? You’ll still be depressed as hell”

“The less I know about him, the better” You said as you turned around, hot tears blurring your sight as you headed with long steps towards your room. “I don’t trust myself around him…” You whispered. “He’s my weakness Gojo, I can’t let that happen…” You said coldly.

You’d left that morning very early, before Nanami woke up. And you left leaving no trace of you ever being there. Unintentionally doing the same he did. It was unintentional because you hadn’t done it out of spite. Your thought process had been simply. You preferred to not have that conversation and simply leave without him noticing. You had had the exact same thought process Nanami had had all those years ago.

You didn’t waste time and soon started packing your things to leave for Kyoto right away.

#jjk smut #jjk fanfic #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu kaisen imagines #nanami kento #nanami x you #nanami kento imagines #nanami x reader #nanami angst #server collab

[lokis-army-77]

If You Please

Chapter Fifteen

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 3060

This is technically a reader insert but without the (y/n) and all that. She also has no name mentioned so feel free to imagine as you please.

Follow the reader through the events of the Captain America movies and experience her love for Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: Bucky has a nightmare and one thing blows up, that's it.

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Masterlist

We had been flying for a while now and the sun had finally gone down. I had cleaned up the bullet graze on my side earlier with the onboard first aid kit, it had now started to heal itself seamlessly back into my skin like it was never there to begin with.

Bucky had never once taken his eyes off the sky since we took off. I had asked him a few more questions right after we started flying steady, but he just pressed his lips into a firm line. He was like an impenetrable wall and it was throwing me off. What had they done to the Bucky I grew up with, where was the bright, smiling love of my life? I sat there staring at the parts of his face that peaked through the mop of messy brown hair he had.

“Stop staring at me.” The sudden sound of his voice startled me enough that my elbow slipped from the place where it was perched on my knee. I quickly turned away from him in my chair and started to look out of the window into the dark.

“Sorry, it’s just,” I stopped short to think of what to say next. “It’s just that I thought you were gone. Steve watched you fall from the train. I mourned you, I was still mourning you. Now you’ve shown up and I barely recognize the man in front of me.”

He took his hands off the yoke and pressed some buttons to presumably turn autopilot on. “I have no memory of any of that. Flashes, yes, but never anything substantial.”

“I know and that’s okay, it’s to be expected. I followed you for a reason and help you remember is part of that.” I told him softly. I had no clue what he had been thinking for the last seventy years, but I knew it wasn’t something that could be fixed in just a couple of hours. The fact that he was talking to me with less hostility than before gave me the hope that I needed to know that I could help him.

Turning his head away he lets out a gruff sigh. “We’ll be landing in a couple of hours, get some sleep.” He gave me a soft look through the curtain of hair before going back into that stone-cold guise.

I nodded in acceptance and slowly stood and made my way to the bench that lined the side of the cabin. I laid down on the cold metal and let the sounds of the jet lull me to sleep.

When I woke up the cabin lights had been turned off and it was almost completely pitch black, save for the few flashing buttons on the control panels. I sat up and noticed that the jet was quiet. The noise from flying was long gone but the sounds of the night could be heard throughout. I looked around the cabin groggily to see that the back ramp was lowered to the ground. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and stood up. Squinting in the dark I could faintly see something standing a few feet out from the ramp in the grassy field.

I made my way down into the tall grass and stood next to Bucky's statue-like form. He was silently looking up at the sky. We stood there like that for a few minutes before he slowly bent down to reach into the duffel bag we had packed earlier. It was sitting on the ground with a few other bags from the jet. Standing back up he reached out his hand toward me and I brought my hand out to meet him, he gently placed one of the grenades into my palm.

“What’s this for?” I asked while examining the device.

“Were destroying the jet.” He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Uh, why?”

“Unless you want HYDRA to come to find us, I suggest you pull that pin and throw.” At that, he unpinned his and tossed it into the jet cabin. It took me a second to comprehend what was happening. I was still half asleep as he snatched the grenade away from me and tossed it in as well. Just seconds later I was thrown off balance from the large explosion.

“You’re lucky none of my things were on there,” I spoke up while watching the flames encompass the dismantled jet.

“Quit talking and grab a bag, we have a long walk ahead,” he said in a scolding tone. I turned to watch him grab the large duffel bag, leaving me to carry the smaller backpack. I grabbed the strap and hoisted it up onto my back and slid my other arm through the second strap then started after him.

“Where are we exactly? I questioned as we maneuvered around a giant hole in the field.

“Maybe a three-hour walkout of Bucharest.” He stated. I groaned after hearing that. I just woke up, walking for three hours to get to the Romanian capital in the middle of the night wasn’t entirely my idea of fun. But I put up with it, barely entertaining myself by picking flowers growing along our path and then plucking off their petals like I used to do as a child. That only lasted for so long before I started to get bored, the next thing I tried was to kick a rock I had found when we had made it to a paved road. I had to stop kicking it after I had accidentally hit Bucky in the back of the legs. His sharp glare stopped me in my tracks.

The sun was coming up now, as we topped a hill that looked out into the capital city. I slowed my walk to take in the awakening city, there were severely cars driving the roads, probably going off to work. I sped up my steps as soon as I realized that Bucky had just kept going and didn’t stop to take in the morning splendor with me.

I spoke as I came back up to his side, “So what do we do now?” He let out a frustrated puff of air and I could tell that he was getting annoyed at all of my questions. He never answered me, just kept walking down the street and into the heart of the city.

It must have been past lunchtime when we finally found a shabby almost decrepit-looking apartment building. I could feel and hear my stomach rumbling as we ascended the long spiraling set of stairs to one of the topmost apartments. We had no key to get in so Bucky kicked the door in and shuffled inside. I doubted that anyone would even realize that we were here, the whole thing looked almost completely vacant. I walked through the threshold and into the tiny living space. It was just one small room, just big enough for one or two people to live comfortably, and a singular closed-off bathroom right after you came through the front door.

Looking around some more, the more I realized this apartment building truly was abandoned. The sheetrock walls were chipping along with the paint. In the kitchen, the backsplash was cracked and missing in some spots, the fridge looked as if it hadn't been cleaned in thirty years, the same as everything else in the almost empty room. The only thing in the place that wasn't attached to anything was a small square dining table and two chairs with several years of dust caked onto them. The windows and the door to the back balcony had been covered up with various newspaper pages, adding to the dark and dingy aspect.

Bucky sat the duffel bag onto the table, I placed the backpack down as well. Walking over to the kitchen and flipped the light switch, amazingly the bright strip light above the sink on the far wall came buzzing to life. I gave a silent prayer in thanks for that. I was startled a bit when I heard a loud splintering noise beside me. Turning quickly I spotted Bucky ripping up the wooden floorboards in the kitchen.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Hiding the weapons, what does it look like I’m doing,” He quipped back sharply as he reached for the bags on the table just a few inches away. He shoved them into the hole he had made and then placed the broken planks back where they had been. He stood up slowly after that and began walking for the front door. “Stay here,” he gave a stern look then stepped out into the stairwell, slamming the broken door shut.

I just stared wide-eyed at the door. ‘Did he really just leave me here?’ I asked myself. I went over to the door he had left from and opened it, his footsteps were long gone. I raced to the first window in what was presumably the living room and tore a piece of newspaper from it to look and see if I could spot him but the wall of the balcony was in my way. I gave a long and exasperated huff before turning around and giving the room another once over. ‘Well, it can't hurt to clean a bit. There had to be at least something in here that I can clean with.’ And I was right, I found a stack of four washcloths along with a couple of bath towels under the bathroom sink and a very old broom sitting just outside the back door.

It took almost two hours to scrub the grime from the floors after I had swept the thick layer of dirt and dust-up, and it took even longer to scrub down the kitchen appliances. It had been nearly five hours and Bucky still wasn’t back yet, I had cleaned everything I could until it was almost spotless. It had helped me keep my mind off of where he was and what he was doing, it also helped to keep me from remembering how hungry I was. But now that everything was almost sparkling clean I had nothing to stop my mind from wandering. ‘He wouldn’t just leave, would he? No, not after hiding all the guns. What the hell is he even doing out there? I swear to God he better bring back something to eat, five hours is ridiculous, it's already dark outside.’

I reached my hand up to fiddle with my locket and ring absentmindedly. Fear started to creep into my thoughts. I paced up and down from the front door to the back over and over again until the door suddenly flew open. Swiveling around from my spot just past the bathroom I watched as a mattress made its way through the door. I hurried over to help maneuver it into the tiny hallway, it smelled horrendous like it had been outside for a while. After struggling to pull it into the living room and throwing it to the ground I looked up at Bucky who had been the one to bring it in. He was standing awkwardly at the edge of the room with a few plastic bags around his wrists. Shaking his head a little he made his way to the dining table and placed the bags down. Whatever was inside made a soft clicking sound before falling out of the top to reveal a jar of chicken soup.

I practically ran to the table and snatched the can up. “I forgive you for being gone so long since you brought back food,” I said as I made my way into the kitchen to turn the stove on. We had no pots at the moment so I cracked open the can and placed it in the middle of the eye to heat it up. As I waited I went back over to the bags he laid out and rummaged through them, taking all the cans, bagged food, and the few pieces of silverware out and placing them on the table. The last bag, closest to the wall, had a couple of items of clothes that looked to be in both of our sizes and a few toiletries. “Where did you get all of this?” I asked as he sat in one of the chairs.

“Soup kitchens and shelters,” he said pointing to the food, clothes, and toiletries, then he pointed to the mattress, “and the side of the road.” My face scrunched up at that. There was no telling what was all over that filthy thing. From where I was standing I looked like it had been dropped in the dirt a couple of times. I was going to have to find something to get that smell out of it before I even considered sleeping anywhere near it.

“Do you want some of this soup?” I turned back to the stove to check on the can.

“No,” he responded gruffly before standing to his feet, grabbing his pair of fresh clothes and the soap from the table before heading into the bathroom. I watched after him until the door completely shut behind him, by then the soup was at a nice simmer. I took it off the eye, using one of the washcloths as a potholder before it began to boil over. Grabbing one of the spoons Bucky had brought back I settled down at one of the chairs and began to eat my nice warm dinner. Halfway through scarfing down the soup, I decided to put some on for him even though he said no.

After I finished eating Bucky emerged from the bathroom with sopping wet hair in a pair of loose grey sweatpants and a red long sleeve henley. I eyed him before getting up to throw my can away and set the used spoon in the sink. I grabbed the now warmed Chicken soup from the stovetop and walked to place it in front of him without saying a word. Then I moved to grab the extra pair of clothes he had brought back and headed for the shower.

Finally being able to take off the suit was a big relief. Yes, it was made to be comfortable, but it wasn’t made to spend two days in. Turning the water on and stepping into the warm stream felt even more wonderful, the sweat and grime of the fight the day before began to rinse from my hair and off my body. I stood there, unmoving for what felt like hours before grabbing the three in one body wash from the side of the tub. I shook my head, if we were going to be living here for a while, and I had a feeling we were, I was going to have to find some real shampoo and conditioner, but hey, beggars can't be choosers when you’re on the run and in hiding.

When I felt as though I was completely and thoroughly clean, I stopped the water, rung out my hair, and grabbed one of the bath towels I spotted under the sink earlier to dry off. Then I got myself dressed in the fresh pair of underwear, which I was surprised to see, a long sleeve black t-shirt and an identical pair of gray sweatpants to Buckys, only smaller. Making my way out of the steaming bathroom I noticed Bucky wasn’t at the table anymore. I glanced around, finally landing on him lying on his back beside the mattress, looking like he was sleeping, which he most likely wasn’t. I smiled fondly, he must have wanted me to take the mattress for myself. Although I didn’t want to be rude by not sleeping on it, I chose to find a spot on the floor until the thing could be as thoroughly cleaned as I could get it.

Laying down on my side facing Bucky, I watched as his chest rose and fell with every breath he took. It was hypnotic, that with the quiet faint sound of his heartbeat, I began to fall asleep.

I awoke a couple of hours later to the sounds of small shouts and heavy, labored breathing. I snapped up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Turning my head to Bucky I took in the sight of him thrashing in his sleep before slowly crawling over to him. I tenderly placed my hand on his shoulder in hopes that maybe it would help calm him.

“Bucky,” I whispered close to his ear, “Bucky woke up. It’s just a dream.” Gently moving my right hand up to remove the sweat-dampened hair out of his face. As my hand came to rest on his clenched jaw, his metal arm came up to seize my wrist. I gasped at the force but didn’t try to snatch my hand back. His eyes were still closed, he was still asleep. He was mumbling something incoherent, I leaned in closer to see if I could hear him better but it was still unintelligible. “It’s okay Buck, I’m here, I’ll always be here. Shh.” I tried to quiet him, and it worked for a few seconds before he started to thrash his head from side to side and his grip on my wrist became stiff and unyielding. All I could do was sit there and whisper into his ear as he gripped onto me for what seemed like dear life.

Several minutes of on and off thrashing about I heard him say something that made my heart stop. He called out my name. I hadn't told him my name at any point in the past two days. The sound of it coming off of his lips sent a spark through me, my heart fluttered and my stomach tightened. He remembered, even if it was subconsciously, he still remembered. I smiled at that before going back to trying to calm his sleeping figure.

At some point, he calmed down to the point where I no longer had to kneel next to him and calm him. He never let go of my wrist throughout the whole ordeal, even now he was still gripping it like a vice. I just left it there as I laid back down on my side and let sleep consume me once more.

The next morning, he was nowhere to be found.

Tag List: @ginger-swag-rapunzel @underc0vercryptid-reads @geek-and-proud @intothesoul @leyannrae @starkleila @andy-is-gay

#james buchanan barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x rogers!reader #winter solider x reader #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction

[egelantier]

Tian Guan Ci Fu

where is it and what is it

it’s a chinese webnovel by mxtx, the same author who did untamed; it exists as a webnovel, finished and kindly translated here, the manhwa, the donghua (animated adaptation) happening right now, and there’s a live action adaptation in plans, directed by the same guy who did untamed. the donghua is gorgeous, the adaptation i’m unsure about but prepared to be hopeful, the manhwa seems to be very pretty. but all the adaptations only cover the very beginning of the novel for now, so i went ahead and read the novel, and i have no regrets. it helps that the translation is very good - not without awkward translatorese, but it has consistent and engaging flow and style, and it’s also pretty good at conveying mxtx’s humor without awkwardness. it reads pretty well.

what’s it about?

the world is split into two parts: mortals and various ghosts and demons and entities share the land, while ‘heaven officials’, aka gods, live in the heavenly kingdom in the sky. pretty much anybody can become a god if they do something really heroic or memorable and/or cultivate (meditation, training, virtuous behavior) really hard. when above, the gods rule their domains and fulfill their believers’ wishes; they work sort of like pratchettian gods, dependent on their followers’ beliefs and getting influenced by them. heavens are strictly hierarchical, with their own economy and pecking order, and the gods aren’t particularly sinless or benevolent; mostly it’s a question of scale.

our hero, xie lian, is a prince of a prosperous kingdom who’s been on a fast track to ascension for most of his very short life; he’s talented, he’s virtuous, he’s kind, he’s strong, and his only peculiar flaw is (somehow naive, but well-meaning) obsession with equality and value of human lives and so on. he becomes a god, unexpectedly, at seventeen, after slaying one especially dangerous god, and rises in heaven at the peak of his faith, influence and happiness.

…and then he finds out about drought and incipient trouble in his own kingdom, and, being a young and righteous god too close to his mortality, eschews heavens and returns to save everybody. it, to put it lightly, does not go well. at all. in fact, it goes catastrophically wrong, and, having lost everything, xie lian ascends again, only to get into a fight with the heavenly emperor, and get banished again, this time for good. he roams the mortal lands for next eight hundred of very lonely, luckless and hard years, technically immortal but not invincible, with his powers and his luck stripped away, and leans to make do, eking out a living as a scrap collector. his temples are desecrated, his name is forgotten, his kingdom is long gone, and - well. so it goes.

so it goes! until one day, to everybody’s great surprise, he ascends once again: a humble, gentle, immune to embarrassment, unflappable man, an embarrassment to heavens, a 'laughingstock of three realms’ who just wants to be left well enough alone. he’s Tired.

instead of rest, he gets sent to investigate a dangerous ghost stealing brides who pass through its mountain, and there, during the course of the interrogation, has his first (he thinks) meeting with a terrifying, old-powerful and vengeful ghost king named hua cheng, who likes to terrorize heavens from time to time. but said ghost king seems to be very benevolent and very interested in helping xie lian, and xie lian is pretty instantly smitten… with knowing what’s the cause of such interest.

…and meanwhile, in the beginning, there'was an unlucky boy, born under the worst stars, whom xie lian saved from falling once, while still mortal, and promptly lost track of. a lot of things happened to this boy, who wanted to be the most devoted worshipper to xie lian the god of the sword and the flower. as one does, you know.

that’s the beginning! from there on: investigations, heavenly secrets, old friends and enemies and acquaintances, thematic parallels, old tragedies, more pining than you can shake a stick at, grand acts of love.

is it good?

it’s very, very good. it’s the first fantasy cnovel i read (aside from the hilarious one about a guy traveling back in his own timeline and becoming a sugar baby to a mafia boss, which was in a very different league), so i don’t know which things are baseline and which things are unique, but it had a very solid foundation: ambitious multilevel, multi-timeline plot coming together in the end both events- and emotions-wise, beautifully iddy main relationship, maybe multifaceted characters who change and grow and clash together in fun ways, a clear and heartfelt understanding of its own core themes.

it’s also, unexpectedly, very funny, in this visual, slapsticky, begs-to-be-adapted way - i found myself laughing out loud over it a lot of times, and it possesses this gift of swerve between understated but earnest emotions and all-out jokes that i associate with… a bit of prattchett and a bit of gintama, honestly. take it as you will.

(oh my god the mecha. i will laugh over this one until i die.)

it also made me cry several times; granted, it’s not like it’s this time, but those were very heartfelt tears.

and the main duo?

first let me say that xie lian was lifted out, wholesale, out of my deepest character preferences. he fell really, really far, and did some bad things, and some very horrible things were done to him, and by the time we meet him he went through everything and achieved this effortless kind of traumatized, humble, accepting, wryly self-deprecating, utterly competent chill that makes a character incredibly appealing to me. he’s kind, and he’s sweet, and he’s gotten any possible embarrassment at least a couple of centuries ago, and he kinda made peace with himself and kinda didn’t. i love him.

and, thankfully for me, hua cheng, the ghost king, loves him a whole damn lot, a ridiculous amount, an epic, over-the-lifetimes, life-shattering amount, and he’s a terrifying presence to everybody else and a shy, protective, sweet dork to xie lian, and every time they’re together on page my entire heart is just. it’s AMAZING. he’s a great combination of playing the obsessive protective yandere stalker-lover trope straight and putting it on its head, by making hua cheng not just revere but respect xie lian, in all his good and bad decisions.

they are just so - good for each other, holy shit. they get each other so well. they’re the best ever power team. i love them.

(the rest of canon is various character reenacting “really? in front of my salad?” meme at them. it’s hysterical, and it’s the best. everybody teams up to tell xie lian that his boyfriend is Problematic way, way before xie lian clues into the fact that he does have a boyfriend, and he’s having none of it. i love it.)

and the themes?

okay, so. roughly half of this novel is ridiculous iddy pining, and a fourth of it is various tropes (off the top of my head: soulbond, sex pollen, body switch, de-age, various shades of identity porn… crossdressing…) played very shamelessly. but it also really benefits from having an overarching set of ethical questions, and while it deals with them a bit shounen-style, it still deals with them, and it makes the whole text fresh, and sweet, and bold.

is it possible to save everybody? should you try to save everybody? if you lack the powers to back your convictions, does it make you complicit? when is it possible to stop the cycle of suffering, what can you do if you want to but can’t? if you tried and people you failed turned on you, whose fault it is, where does the blame stop?

Detailed spoilers begin from here, and i would REALLY advise to stay unspoiled, because the domino reveals are very fun

i loved the various ways the novel sets all those pieces up and then overturns them and then returns to them. xie lian wanted to save everybody and it was arrogant naivete of an untried, untested, privileged young man who never had a real challenge before; his presence made things escalate quicker, and yet everybody around him pretended it was his attempt to make things better that ruined everything, and not a combination of factors outside of his control. and yet he accepts the blame, because it dovetails with his shame at not having enough powers to back his intent up; and yet his triumph over bai wuxian is that he doesn’t, after all, renege on his initial drive to help people.

my most favorite part of this novel is that its turning point, the lynchpin of the whole novel, the moment that keeps xie lian’s soul and safety intact, is not his personal purity and drive; it’s not even hua cheng’s devotion and sacrificial love. it’s just a moment of little, grudging, human kindness from a little, petty, rude man whom the history will sweep away soon. the bamboo hat in the rain. the rest of the plot keeps twisting and turning and coming back to itself, but this? this was unquestionably, beautifully clear, and i loved it. it’s never about the gods, it’s all down to - fallen human is human, ascended human is human, and human is not some state, virtuous or sinful, you get stuck with - it’s a multitude of choices, and there’s never a final one.

and incoherent spoilery screaming for people who read it already

oh my god i had SO MUCH FUN. i’ve been flailing on meme for days, because somebody just finished reading there too, and i’m still bursting with ALL THE FEELS. ruoye origins oh my god! that hat! jin wu’s backstory and ultimate end! e-ming’s praise kink! pei ming’s little shippery 'hoho’! hua cheng’s horribly handwritten stick and poke tattoo of xie lian’s name! the lanteeeeeeeeeeeeerns. feng xin and mu qing on the bridge, making up with each other and with xie lian! hua cheng trying to explain to xie lian that his habit of using himself as bait and pincushion at any given moment is deeply emotionally upsetting to him, and succeeding! banyue’s learning from xie lian to be a truly horrible cook! the entire deal with shi qingxuan and he xuan and the wind fan in the end. THE CAVE. THE GIANT MECHA. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and aaaaaaaaaaaaa and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and i am beset, beset by feelings. come scream with me.

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #xie lian #hua cheng #cdramas #cnovels #mxtx

[zevlors-tail]

Lonely With You

Pairing: ProHero!Izuku x GN ProHero!Reader

Warnings: Self doubt, self deprecating thoughts/words, cursing, reader is very angry in the beginning and throws something if that’s a trigger for anyone (doesn’t throw it directly at anything or anything in particular), lots of crying on reader’s part, song fic, tooth rotting fluff at the end. <3

A/N: Song fic! Sports by Beach Bunny. I said I couldn’t write shit but here we are. I just one shotted this thing in the span of like 3 hours and in 3 more hours, I have to go into work with no sleep. :’) But really it’s fine bc I had motivation and I DID THE THING. I wrote something I kind of liked! I am obsessed with this song right now, so suffer with me I guess.

The second you stormed into the house and slammed the door shut behind you, Izuku could tell something was off. Sure, you had your bad days, but somehow this was different.

“Hi, love! How was your da-” Before he could even finish, you cut him off with an angry look and a short response.

“Fucking awful. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Izuku knew better than to take your short response personally, though he would be lying if he said it didn’t irk him in the slightest. However, you didn’t curse often, and using the “F” word usually meant you were at your wits end with whatever situation you were dealing with. He watched you as you strode past the kitchen with blind rage and threw down your headpiece to your hero costume. A piece of it actually busted off from how hard you had chucked it across the room, nearly missing his eye as it flew past him and making him visibly flinch. 

Upon seeing his reaction, you immediately stopped in your tracks and snapped out of your fit of anger, concern for your partner taking over you instead. “Shit-! Izu, I’m so sorry, are you alright!?” Tears welled in your eyes as you panicked and checked his face over for any collateral damage, and when you could find none, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“I’m fine, Y/N. Are...you okay? I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it, but you look really...upset.” He struggled to find the right words for a moment. You looked upset, sure, but it was more than that. There was a foreign look in your eyes he hadn’t seen before, something heavy and dark lurking behind your usually bright orbs. His heart couldn’t help but ache for the look you gave him.

If you feel lonely, I could be lonely with you. Tell me baby, why do you seem so blue?

You broke down in tears within seconds, cries of frustration and anguish clawing their way up from your ribcage to your throat. Today had drained you for all your worth and made you feel utterly exhausted. But if you were being honest, this had been going on much longer than just a day. It just so happened that today’s events had been the last straw for you and left you feeling defeated. Months of self doubt and anxieties were finally catching up to you, and now you were paying the price.

Izuku wrapped his arms around you tightly and held your head to his chest as you hiccuped. “Shhh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” He nuzzled his face into your hair before pressing a sweet kiss to your crown, his hand sliding to your back to rub comforting circles.

“I’m no good,” you managed between sobs. “I’m a terrible hero, and I should just quit while I’m ahead. I’ll never amount to anything useful. All I do is get in the way and cause problems for others!” You continued to cry while Izuku let you vent, although it took everything he had in him not to interject that all of those things couldn’t be further from the truth.

Why are we so complicated? Maybe love is overrated...

“I’m a failure. I failed my mission and if it wasn’t for Uravity...” You let out a strangled cry as you admitted what was weighing you down so heavily. “They almost died! They almost died, and it would have been all my fault! If I had just pushed myself harder, if I had done more, then- then- then none of this would have happened!” 

“Oh, love...no.”

“I should just do everyone a favor and stop being a Pro. My manager did always say I was better as a sidekick, anyway,” you laughed bitterly at the memory, distracted only for a moment before returning to crying, albeit a little quieter. “I’m ready to give up. Everything I do is wrong... I don’t think I’m cut out for this anymore.”

I’m tired of waiting! I was never good at sports; save the games for the girls on the tennis courts.

Izuku sighed softly before cupping your face in his hands and gazing intently at you. “Y/N Y/L/N, you are not a failure. You are the light of my life and the best thing to have ever happened to me. Do you know that?”

You hesitated a minute while you sniffled and rubbed at your eyes. “Are you sure about that? Because I feel like I’m failing at everything... At being a hero, at being a friend, and at being your partner. I’ve been so stressed out lately that I’ve barely been able to pay attention to you. I’m so sorry, Izuku...” Fresh tears pooled at the corners of your eyes as your self doubt ate at you.

Say you need me, but lately you feel unsure.

“You didn’t let me finish.” 

“Ah, I’m sorry-”

“Nope! No more apologizing, especially when you didn’t do anything wrong.” A small smile found it’s way to his lips as he spoke, “I’ve watched you grow from a student in the hero course with me into the wonderful person and amazing hero you are now, and I want you to know I’m proud of who you’ve become. You’ve been nothing but nice to Uraraka, Iida, and Todoroki, and you’ve done everything you can to support me and be there for me when I need you to be. You cheered me on and pushed me to do better when I felt like giving in so many times. Without you, I wouldn’t be the hero I am today.”

“That’s really flattering, but I think All Might was mostly responsible for making you the hero you are now.”

Come on to me, come on to me...I need more!

Izuku laughed a little as you smiled at your comment, though the pain remained behind your eyes still and his gaze was just as intense as before. He quickly regained composure and continued. “You’re not giving yourself enough credit, love. I was watching the live feed from home while you were on your mission, and from one hero to another, you did all you could with the hand you were dealt in that situation. You can’t place unnecessary blame on yourself for something that’s not your fault. You weren’t a hinder to them, and you didn’t cause them any further problems. I mean, unless you were the one who set the building on fire, but that’s not likely, right?” His teasing tone was meant to lighten the situation, but it seemed to have no affect against the worry and anxiety radiating from you. “Y/N.”

“Hm?” At some point you realized you had zoned out and starting daydreaming about all the possible ways the situation could have gone wrong. Izuku’s voice pulled you back to reality and away from your twisted reverie.

“I love you. It’s okay to feel upset and angry about today, about yesterday, about last month- and especially about that comment your manager made. Which, by the way, we need a new manager for you now, but that’s not the point. I want you to know that I will always be here to support and love you like you’ve supported and loved me. Your friends love you and support you also, you know. Uraraka was just asking me about you yesterday, actually...said you looked a little blue. Oh, and Todoroki wanted me to pass on a message. Something about an angry pomeranian? Are you two making fun of Kaachan again?” He gave you a pointed look.

“Well...yes and no?” You sheepishly grinned and laughed while he just rolled his eyes.

“Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is that you are worth so much more than you think. Your friends love you, I love you, and your fans also love you. You’re more than just a sidekick. You’re an amazing hero and an even better partner to me, and you are not and will never be a failure at any point in time. You did all you could to save those people, and if you hadn’t stepped in when you did, Uravity might not have been able to get to them after all. If you don’t want to be a hero anymore, then of course I’ll support you no matter what, but that’s not really what you want to do, is it?”

Deep down, you knew Izuku was right. There was no way you could step down from being a hero; you loved helping people almost as much as he did. Being a hero was just as much a part of you as your nose or your eyes or your lips. It was a second nature, something you couldn’t just give up on so easily.

“I want to help people and be a hero. I just...lately, I just don’t feel like I’m good enough.” 

You sounded so sad and dejected still, and it absolutely broke his heart. Izuku silently promised himself to do everything in his power to make you believe in yourself again before racking his brain for ideas on how to further cheer you up. When you had bad days, there were certain things he did to comfort you and help you relax, but this seemed to be a bit more serious, and thus, required a more elaborate solution than the normal hot bath and back massage. Maybe...yes, that was perfect! It probably wouldn’t fix the problem long term, but it would be a good start.

“You are good enough, and I will always be here to remind you of that.” He leaned in and gave you a soft kiss. “Come on, let’s go relax in bed. I’ll even give you a ride there if you want.”

Your eyes immediately lit up as he turned around and crouched down so you could climb on to his back. As goofy as he was, you absolutely adored him. “Yes! You’re the best!” You squealed as he lifted you up with ease and locked his arms around the back of your legs to keep you nice and secure while he strode to the bedroom. Once there, he set you down on the bed before putting his plan into motion.

At the foot of your bed, you had a night sky projector that would cast the image of stars and planets onto your ceiling. Izuku had gotten it for you for your last birthday, and you loved it dearly. It made you feel content and relaxed when you were restless. Often times, you used it while you were in the bath or right before bed when you were having a rough night. It was perfect for occasions like this. Choosing the setting with the purple colored lights, Izuku powered it on and the two of you watched as your bedroom lit up all over. It was like you were really in space.

He made his way back to bed where you were currently snuggling into the giant comforter you both shared, a blissful smile on his face at the sight of you. You seemed to be feeling better already; you cuddled up to him as the little spoon as soon as he slid under the covers with you. He made sure to find a comfortable position for the both of you, and with the ambience set, there was only one last thing to do.

“If you feel broken, promise I won’t break your heart. If you shatter, I won’t let you fall apart. Why are we so complicated? Love’s a word I’ve always hated...”

You listened to him sing softly, the words falling from his lips effortlessly as he serenaded you with your favorite melody.

“I’m tired of waiting! I was never good at sports; save the games for the girls on the tennis court. Say you need me, but lately you feel unsure. Come on to me, come on to me, I need more...”

You closed your eyes and slowly drifted away from your worries as he sang. If every night could end like this, then maybe everything would be okay after all.

“It always feel like I need more... Jesus Christ, you’re so confusing! If we keep score, bet my money that I’m losing...”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“No, I love you more.”

You felt his laugh reverberate through his chest as he snuggled closer.

“Go to bed, Y/N.”

“Mmn...”

“If you feel lonely, I could be lonely with you... Tell me, baby, why do you seem so blue?”

#izuku x reader #izuku midoriya #izuku #midoriya #izuku midoriya x reader #midoriya x reader #bnha #mha #bhna x reader #bnha midoriya #bnha izuku #izuku x reader fluff #izuku x reader angst

[jiaraendgame]

Manipulation — Part One

Summary: Why Rafe Cameron took an interest in a Pogue is unknown, but a year later a bad decision has a good outcome when a golden boy from the Cut makes an unwavering impression on this lost girl.

Warnings: Angst, sad, drug use/abuse, swearing, underage drinking, peer pressure. (I think that’s it?? If I missed anything for the warnings let me know)

Word Count: 3k+

A/N: This is a song fic based on Manipulation by Beartooth.

***Part one is all Rafe x Reader flashback. Part two is where JJ comes in. Oh and there is like a 2.2 second scene with Platonic!JB x Reader in this part.***

This is my first time writing for OBX and in general posting fanfiction for the world to see. So apologies cause it’s definitely trash. I just want to say a BIG thank you for the few people here who encouraged me to write and have fun. Also a BIG thanks to my best friend and beta reader @john-benderr for hyping me up and always supporting me and my silly antics. Hope you guys don’t hate it, I tried my best. Let me know what you think???

Gif credit: @toesure

I hesitated, got lost again

You saw me as wounded prey

I was a wreck, I was a bloody mess

And you couldn't look away

The Boneyard designated party destination here in the Outer Banks. The ultimate summer hang-out spot for some guaranteed wild moments. Even if you could point out every Kook, Touron, or us Pogues from the Cut, it was usually a good time. You never know what’s gonna happen on any given night, but you are sure to find people from all walks of life on this island congregating and partying. This is where you found yourself tonight, at a kegger ready to forget the responsibilities you held at least just for the night. The air was warm, and the party's noise swam through your ears, drowning out any reservation you usually have for yourself. You wanted to drown in this wave of overwhelming senses. The crackles from the fire, the music you swayed to, the sounds of people mingling and cheering, it swallowed you whole as you finished off another cup of bitter liquid. Was this your third or fourth cup from the keg? You don’t really remember anymore, but nor do you care. All that mattered is you were loosening the jaw you had tightened all day and was forgetting about the pressures you were facing at home. Nothing here mattered more than being free.

At this point, you had more than a buzz going on, but nothing was stopping your fun just yet. You clumsily weaved in and out of people working your way back to the keg ready for another round. You usually never drank alone, but tonight you weren’t in the mood for friends. At least that’s what you told yourself. In actuality, everyone you hit up to come tonight ghosted you or had some lame excuse as to why they couldn’t come. So you bravely chose to go as a one-woman show ready to conquer the party on your own. Never thinking that this night would lead you down a rabbit hole, you would never be prepared for. Stumbling forward lost in your thoughts, you slur your words to the tall and tan brown-haired boy with his button down shirt half-open handing out drinks from the keg.

“Hey man, hand me a refill, yeah?” Your sloppy words spill out of your mouth, letters all jumbled together barely coherent to the untrained ear.

The brown-haired boy looked at you a tinge of concern in his eyes as you were visibly wasted and clearly on your own tonight. You don’t know why it mattered. It’s not like everyone else wasn’t just as sloshed as you were.

“Uh, you sure you can handle another one, you look… well, you look pretty faded.” 

The boy’s sentiment meant well, but it did nothing but annoy you. Why did everyone think they had to take care of you? Don’t they know you are beyond capable of doing so yourself? You work your ass off to keep everything in line, you can cut loose every once and awhile. Your inner voice of reason started to rear its ugly head, briefly reminding you how utterly irresponsible you were being. Listen to the boy, go home. You don’t need this. Stop acting so tough you aren’t that strong. It’s okay to feel the way you do. Quit while you’re ahead.

Quickly shoving the paranoia that began to rise in your chest, you knew if you could still feel the panic, then you weren’t drunk enough. Looking back at the boy, he was still eyeing you hesitantly when you finally sharpened your tongue and spoke again.

“Please, I know how to handle myself, pretty boy. I’m just living a little is all.” The attitude in your voice is far from pleasant.

Why were you so rude to the kind boy who clearly was watching out for your well-being? You should have listened to him. You shouldn’t have drunk this next cup. Maybe it was just the catalyst for the events that proceeded to perspire.

“Listen just… just gimme a refill, and I’ll be on my way. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about me. I can handle myself, I swear.” While you wanted to sound sure of yourself and maybe even a bit assertive, you could tell he didn’t take you seriously at all.

Your amplified brash persona needed work clearly as it fooled no one while you were blurring the lines of reality and fantasy with each drink you took. The boy looks at you, and the small line starting to form behind you. He sighs to the side as he fills a cup with the amber liquid, finally obliging to your commands to avoid further conflict. While handing you the cup, he speaks once more before you swivel on your heels.

“ Hey, listen... if you need someone to bring you home later or whatever, just come find me. The names John B.”

You stood there bewildered for a moment, unsure why someone would have concern over you. You were just a drunk partygoer at the beach for some fun, why did it seem like you were so different than the others around you? You could take care of yourself you always have, but regardless it was a kind gesture. You felt a pit in your gut for being rude to him moments ago. You couldn’t answer him, you just looked in his eyes and shook your head with a softened smile. Hoping he would understand, you appreciated his offer.

New drink in hand, you stumbled to a clear spot on the beach and plopped yourself down into the ground. Removing your sandals, you buried your toes in the soft sand closing your eyes, taking a swig of your drink. You felt the air on your skin as you leaned your head back. A new sense of calm washed over your body as you faded into the scenery. Sip by sip, you felt all your grievances escape your mind. Nothing would stop you from releasing your mind tonight even if it tried to crawl it’s way back up the hole you shoved it down. If each sip of liquid kept the beasts at bay for just a moment, the tranquility you felt was worth every bit of hell you’d wake up to tomorrow.

You broke me down

So you could take me out

Lost in thought, you lay your body back into the sand, staring up at the stars in a dazed state. Not noticing the pair of eyes that have been watching you for quite some time. From a distance, a seemingly put-together boy traced his eyes along your body. Staring at every curve, every feature, watching every action you took, he knew he had to talk to you. What better time to make a move when you were finally alone, away from the hustle and bustle of the kegger and laying out on the beach staring up at the sky. 

He’s been keeping an eye on you all night, watching you get more faded with each sip of every drink you took. Alone at a party, you don’t see that often around here. Everyone always pairs up fast, even if you did arrive alone. You well, you were different. Something about you drew this clean-cut boy to you, and he wasn’t quite sure why. Something about your solitude reminded him of something he couldn’t quite place a finger on. Or maybe it was how he watched you spiral, falling with no safety net beneath you. He decided tonight he would be the safety net, he would catch you, even if you didn’t ask.

“Hello, beautiful…” A voice speaks out, startling you as your eyes crash open. A light chuckle passes the boy’s lips at your shock. 

“Sorry, darling, didn’t mean to startle you.” He smiles, flashing his gorgeous white teeth at you. “I saw you over here alone and thought you could use some company.”

You blink a few times, trying to focus your blurred vision. A boy whose outline was hazy hovers over you, still smiling that bright smile. However, something felt underlying off about his sheer confidence. It wasn’t much longer until you put two and two together. The boy in the salmon-colored polo shirt and the khaki shorts that stared into your eyes was the infamous Kook prince himself, Rafe Cameron.

Any other day of the week, you’d loathe the boy in front of you, he always caused trouble for anyone who came from the Cut. He bathed in his arrogance and condescending words. So why has the prince of Kooks wandered his way over to you was the million-dollar question. One that you’re not sure you’ll ever get the answer to.

You lifted yourself into a sitting position and still have yet to speak a word to the polished boy in front of you. He speaks once more, trying to pry words from your mouth with every smooth sentence he spoke.

“Aw come now, a gorgeous face like that shouldn’t be scowling by her lonesome. Let me join you, they always say misery loves company.” The tip of the boy’s tongue brushes his top lip as a sly smirk pricks the side of his mouth.

You cock your eyebrow up, but still, motion for the boy to sit next to you. You didn’t think you were scowling, but the more you focused your mind, it became clear you weren’t suppressing any of the facial expressions you thought you were. The alcohol tore down your mask a little more than you would have liked. 

You finally spoke to the boy poised next to you, studying the side of your face. “Who says I’m miserable, what if I just want the company?”

A chuckle passes his lips, he knew he had his hooks in you now. You turn and face Rafe, knowing full well that engaging with him is a terrible idea, but sometimes you craved a little danger in your life. Danger, like getting involved with a Kook named Rafe Cameron, would entail. If it distracted you even just for the night then why not go all out, he was looking rather charming tonight.

“Ah, well, aren’t we all a little miserable? I mean, no one’s perfect, right?” His breathy words cause the curiosity inside you to rise. 

Was the always well kept and confident Rafe Cameron telling you he and his Kook lifestyle wasn’t perfect? 

 It had to be the alcohol talking. It’s burning through your veins, making you actually consider speaking to someone so deviously pristine. Part of you believed it was to forget your troubles, the other part wondered what lies beneath the surface of the self-proclaimed prince. The more you gazed at him, the more sweetness you saw, but it wasn’t just that. There was something else about Rafe that you couldn’t quite put your finger on, but maybe you two had more in common than you thought.

“Please, Rafe, don’t give me your pity party parade. People like you don’t know real misery.”

“On the contrary little dove, he who you see before you has many layers, my rips, and tears, however, are patched up and easily hidden. Yours, however… well, yours are prominent and hanging by threads.”

Ouch. There is the haughty personality that you knew would peek out eventually. The sting of his words appeared on your face as he tries to console the wounds he inflicted.

“Everyone is tattered and worn little dove; it’s how you patch those tears that matter.”

“What are you getting at here, Rafe? Cause it seems to me, despite how sweet you think your sentiment is, you just don’t know how to truly console someone you see as lesser than you.” You want to keep your annoyance you have with Rafe, but with each comment and... and that nickname, he cracks your shell a little bit more.

“I don’t believe you are less than me beautiful, I just…” He sighs. “You’re right, I’m not good at consoling others.” He pauses briefly before he continues, knowing he has to bring himself down a level or he won’t get anywhere with you.

“How’s this then… how about instead of talking we just keep each other company? You don’t even have to speak to me if you don’t want to, though I’d prefer it if you did.” A small wink is shot your way.

“We aren’t just gonna sit here in silence Rafe, I don’t want that kind of company.”

“Well… then how about we ditch the sand and trade it in for something a little more… luxurious?”

There it was, the danger you felt. An offer from Rafe Cameron to go, god, knows where to do god knows what. It excited you, the unknown world of Rafe. You hesitated, unsure if you were ready to fully plunge yourself into forbidden territory, but there it was again. The panic rising in your chest, the thoughts and stress you wanted to escape creeping up again, threatening to attack if you let them linger too long. With that, you took your red cup and downed the remainder of its contents, pushing back your burdens once more. 

Looking into Rafe’s eyes, there was a sparkle of chaos hidden deep within his soft gaze. It made you weak, it made you yearn for something more than this party at the Boneyard. With that, your decision was made. You gave him a smile and shook your head, trying to contain the eagerness you suddenly felt.

This is isolation

Kept in the dark and waiting

You're wearing the crown of kingdoms I created

Now I can't escape it

All of the light is fading

Rafe was up in seconds, extending his hand down to you; an almost menacing smirk overtook his face. As you clasp your hand into his and you’re brought to your feet, you stumble into his side, gripping tighter to keep your balance. Rafe was quick to slide his free arm around your waist, steadying you.

“I got you little dove, lean on me. I won’t let you fall.”

His sweet like honey words swallowed you now. A flush of red kisses your cheeks. Was it his promise to not let you fall or was it the nickname he spoke to you that made your head swirl more than the alcohol ever could, you weren’t sure, but you wished the feeling wouldn’t stop.

It wasn’t long before you were in Rafe’s car and driving who knows where, but what you did know was the excitement you felt was overwhelming your fear. 

“Where are we going?”

“I’m going to show you what a real party is like, beautiful.”

The compliments he kept spewing towards you, a simple Pogue girl, was astonishing. You never believed a Kook like Rafe would see you as anything but a “dirty Pogue.”

“Can I ask a question?” You turn your head towards the boy.

“Of course, little dove. Anything.” He places his free hand on your bare thigh and a light squeeze follows it.

The shiver sent down your spine, tantalized your thoughts. You no longer could think straight. He glances over to you, a smirk once more gracing his lips.

“Why little dove? I- I mean, why are you calling me that?”

“Well, I thought that was obvious, darling? You know my name, but I still have yet to learn yours.”

Your face drops at the realization that you never indeed introduced yourself to Rafe. Of course, you knew who he was, everyone knew who he was, but you? You were no one. Of course, he didn’t know your name.

“O-oh my god, I’m sorry I didn’t even realize I didn’t... uhh,” you chuckle nervously at your idiocy. “The names (Y/N).” You spit out between nervous breaths and awkward giggles. The alcohol was still strong in your system.

A light, almost innocent laugh passes his lips, looking over to you. “It’s okay (Y/N), I don’t mind giving a beautiful girl a nickname that suits her.” He winks. “In fact, I think you’re stuck with little dove from now on… if you don’t mind, of course.”

You hadn’t realized the car had come to a stop in front of a vast mansion. The architecture was beautiful and symmetric with white pillars on the outside. Perfectly kept flowered hedges and trimmed grass graces the front yard. It was like a picture, pristine and undamaged.

“I-I don’t mind no… not at all.” You smile sheepishly towards the boy as he turns the key and shuts the ignition off.

“Well, here we are… are you ready for a real party?” He asks, stepping out and quickly meeting you at the passenger side. Opening the door, he offers you his hand once more.

Taking his hand, you lean once more on his side, steadying your balance. Unsure where the night is about to guide you. Despite the pristine image outside the house once in the door, the whole feeling has changed. There were Kooks everywhere, and to say you felt a little out of place was an understatement. Loud music blared through the open rooms filled with people drinking, smoking, laughing, and smiling. Much like at the Boneyard, but the atmosphere was entirely different. 

Rafe sensed your new-found hesitation, but he wasn’t about to let you slip away. Not when he finally had you where he wanted. Pulling you closer to his side, he whispers into your ear—his warm breath causing you to gasp slightly at his now lower smooth tone.

“Relax… you can trust me.”

All you could do was shake your head. You weren't quite sure how this boy made you so weak at the knees, but you wanted to believe him, so you did.

He paraded you through the party, introducing you to the skeptical Kooks whose eyeballs felt like daggers in your chest. Their disdain and judgment of you unspoken with you wrapped around Rafe’s side.

Finally, on the last stop of the tour de la Cameron, he brought you through a room that outlooked towards the pool area. He brings you up towards a smaller group of people. Two of which you recognized as Rafe’s loyal posse. Topper and Kelce.

“Hey what’s up my man, where have you been all night?”

They exchange greetings and eyeball his new hip attachment IE you. They look over to Rafe with enigmatic smiles spread across their face, but before they could say anything to you, the boy spoke.

“Boys this is (Y/N), she came to experience what real luxury is like. So I expect her to be treated like the best guest of honor she is.”

Topper and Kelce share a glance and shrug off the ideas of Rafe, bringing a Pogue to their side of the island. They figured he had other intentions behind his new side piece. 

“Right well welcome (Y/N) I hope you’re ready for some real fun.” The boys gleamed their fakest grins towards you.

Rafe pulls you over and sits you down next to him, a clear glass table in front of you. The other two boys sit across from you. After a seemingly relaxed conversation, he claps his hands together and lets out an excited laugh.

“Alright, boys, the real fun begins.” Looking over to you, he releases your hand that you’ve been holding and pulls out a small plastic baggy with a white substance inside. He makes quick work of the substance cutting out four clean and tight lines onto the table. Rolling a dollar bill into a cylinder, he passes it over to Kelce. 

The muscular boy leans towards the table cylinder in hand against one nostril while he plugs the other. In one swift movement, the white powder was gone, and he passed the bill over to Topper. He quickly follows suit. Both the boys cheer out a sudden burst of euphoria that rattles their bodies. Looking on to Rafe as he was up next.

You pulled at his arm in shock at the site you’re seeing unravel in front of your eyes. He could see the worry written all over you.

“Don’t worry darling, a little blow never hurt anyone.” He pats your head, running his hand down your hair, and leans over and plants a kiss onto your cheek.

The sudden physical affection made you swoon as you bite your lower lip, still looking at him with concern in your eyes.

“I-I don’t know about this, Rafe.”

“Shhh, just watch it’ll be fine.”

He lowers his abdomen down with haste cleaner and faster than the previous boys; the powder is gone. Almost as if he’s done this regularly. Maybe Rafe Cameron wasn’t lying to you earlier. Perhaps he really was hiding an unseen misery. Your heart suddenly ached for the boy as he leaned up and pinched his nostrils a few times, sniffing back the remnants of the content he just consumed.

“It’s your turn beautiful. This will clear out all that misery from earlier, I promise.” He extends the rolled-up bill to you, his eyes darting down your body, trying to read your response.

You don’t speak. You just stare at him, and the boys across from you obnoxiously chuckle.

“Come on (Y/N) you’re a Pogue you should be used to this shit on the Cut.”

“Where’s your courage, girl?”

The boys tease as Rafe shoots them a glare, silencing them immediately. You reach out your hand shakily towards the rolled-up bill. Questioning why you’re even considering this. His words from earlier echo in your head, ‘you can trust me.’

“It’s easy, I promise I’ll even help you. Trust me, you’ll feel like you’re on top of the world. Once you’re there, the real party begins.”

“I-I’m scared.” You whisper to Rafe as he pulls you closer.

“No reason to be scared sweetheart, I got you. Remember, I won’t let you fall.” His hand cups the side of your face. His eyes looking deep into yours so soft and sweet as he's gently stroking your cheek with his thumb.

You take a deep breath, reminding yourself you wanted to live a little. You wanted this freedom, this danger. So it was now or never. You leaned down as Rafe bends to help you. The boy pressed one of your nostrils closed and instructed you to snort in fast and move down the line. You shake your head, confirming to him you were ready.

“Come on, little dove… let’s fly.” These were the last words you remember hearing as you snorted your first line of blow. Rafe cooing to you as you faded out. 

This isn't trust

This is manipulation

Taglist: @pit-zuh 

(Tbh I wanted to tag a few other mututals but I’m nervous so sorry!)

Part Two coming soon-ish?

#Rafe Cameron #Rafe Cameron x Reader #Drew Starkey #Rafe Cameron Fanfiction #JJ Maybank #JJ Maybank x Reader #Outer Banks #OBX #Outer Banks Fanfiction #JJ x Reader #Rafe X Reader #OBX Fanfiction #Song Fanfic #Rudy Pankow #JJ Outer Banks #JJ OBX #Rafe OBX #Rafe x y/n #Rafe x you #JJ x y/n #JJ x you #John B #John Booker Routledge #Pogues #Kooks #Kooks vs Pogues #Rafe Outer Banks #Outer Banks Netflix #Rafe Fanfiction #JJ Fanfiction

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

pls scream about Leo a lil bit cause my love for that man is neverending and i live for you guys' blog,,, and ur comte love fuels me??? head empty except for those two pureblood clowns

HNGNGNG I hope that both you and everyone that reads my shenanigans knows how utterly understood I feel when I see anyone stan Comte, if not both of those idiot purebloods bc good lord...I live for two tired fossil men that just want DOMESTIC BLISS. Literally they have no brain cells beyond respect women and we love that for us, it’s spectacular!!

Under a cut bc I went off and is long:

That being said I’d be happy to yell abt Leo!! Where do I even begin, this man was the reason I got into Ikevamp in the first place, and I’ve read just about every single one of his events at this point. He just makes me so TENDER!!!!!! For whatever reason the first thing that came to mind was this one time he lies about being jealous and MC is lolol u a fool if you think I can’t tell when you lie to me. And he’s so fuckiNG SHOOK?????? It’s even funnier because she’s internally like [I’m not 100% sure but for a second there he almost looked mad...time to test this theory even if it’s just A GAME T H E O R Y] And he’s so fucking pikachu meme that shit sends me. I can’t handle the fact that he’s so used to people just assuming he’s fine, that he can handle himself. That he’s lived for so long without really anyone noticing at all. (Comte absolutely notices and will lightly roast him, but doesn’t really push him about it or wants to overstep). And so when MC just actively pays attention and is so gentle with him he’s just floored???

God I’m crying now, but I will just never forget the funeral scene in his fucking rt. This asshole, this absolute moron, straight up tries to come at us with “yOu GeT uSeD tO iT aFtEr HaLf A mIlLeNiUm, i’M nOt SaD”. Like are you serious. Come here and let me hold you before I throttle you. Absolute clown. He’s just always trying so hard to get by on his own and it breaks my heart. How long...how long has he lived just getting by, nursing his own wounds and dragging himself up all by himself. HE LEFT HOME AT LIKE 14 (whatever the fuCK SOME TOO YOUNG AGE) AND RAN STRAIGHT INTO THE HANDS OF PEOPLE THAT HATED HIM FOR HIS TALENT. HE REMEMBERS HIS MENTORS DESTROYING HIS UTENSILS WHILE TRYING TO ESCAPE PARENTS THAT WHOLEHEARTEDLY REJECTED ANY EXPRESSION OF LOVE OR COMPASSION FOR HUMANITY THAT HE CHERISHED SO DEEPLY. I DON’T NEED SLEEP I NEED TO HUG HIM IMMEDIATELY FUCKING HELL.

Like.........there’s just........I don’t know how to explain it, but I once saw it explained so well in a post. It was basically talking about Castlevania, and how in that show Dracula sees humanity’s folly and develops so much hatred he just goes straight to murder rage. And while in some ways I understand that, I understand even more deeply Trevor’s response to humanity’s fear and violence. He says that he knows they’re short-sighted, that maybe we all just don’t deserve saving...but that he’s going to do it anyway. Leonardo just so much gives me that energy of knowing there’s so much pain in the world, but all we can do is keep walking--keep trying, even if we have to claw our way forward. Because if you only see the awfulness in front of you, you forget the way that strangers make silly faces at babies to make them laugh on the train, how a friend will put everything down to race over to someone and comfort them with some ice cream--do anything they can to distract them from the hurt. How the sight of a child crying will prompt careful cooing from a stranger as to their bravery, an offering of cool water, the gentle placement of a bandaid. How a pair of teenagers will spot a lost child in milliseconds and help them seek out their parents protectively. There is so much wretchedness, but also so much beauty in it all, and the older I get the more I see myself wanting to believe in the latter. I want to be hopeful, and easily impressed, and full of love. To be bitter and jaded accomplishes nothing, and only becomes a worsening self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you seek negativity, the more you will find it; and worse, create it.

I also scream a little bit bc like. I’ve gone on and on about how Comte is very obviously in love with MC all the time, and sure that may be true. But...I really don’t think Leo is exempt from that either if I’m honest lmfao. Only because what does Leonardo do when it isn’t his route? He almost never shows up. Once in a while he might appear for a split second in a scene, but he almost never converses with MC beyond those short moments. While Comte is the one to pine openly, I’d wager Leo is the opposite. He pines in absolute silence, because he knows that if he gets any closer--he’s going to fall. He’s going to enjoy it too much, going to keep seeking out more before he can stop himself. And losing another person he loves...he just can’t do it anymore. In his first meeting story he talks about seeing MC’s eyes and feeling like he’d known them all his life, and even in his MS he speaks to just being completely fascinated by and enamored of her. She doesn’t hesitate, always does her best, meets people head-on and without much hesitation. After a lifetime of people that are probably just immediately interested in him for his talents, or always seeking out his company for the novelty, this is someone that doesn’t give a single fuck if he’s Leonardo da Vinci. Sure she’s aware, and sure she’s impressed to some extent, but her respect--her attraction and admiration--is something that has to be earned. 

There’s something so refreshing about how their love was written. Sure it’s the whole fake marriage to a real relationship, but it’s also a kind of subtle enemies to lovers pulled off masterfully. MC is 100% minding her own business, just wants to do what she must in order to get home, tries to focus on her work to keep from thinking about how much she misses her old life. She doesn’t rely on anyone, doesn’t talk about how hard it is or how scary it is or how confusing. And even Leonardo forgets in his curiosity, is just chillin and also just trying to do the bare minimum to keep from getting too attached--figures he can admire her from a distance. And then he sees her staring at the hourglass. And suddenly, he can’t just watch her do that herself. Just wait for the hard times to pass, just sit with her own loneliness--that hollowing silence. There’s something so moving about it because he reaches out precisely because he knows that feeling to his fucking marrow, and literally just cannot watch somebody else do that to themselves. Sure he’s been dealing with it for three hundred years, BUT THIS GOOD BABIE CHILD DOES NOT DESERVE THIS. SHE WORKS HARD AND DESERVES NICE THINGS!!!!!!!! And so he drives her crazy as he races ahead of her, intercepting any attempt for her to preserve that silence and hide. She doesn’t see any pattern to it, and that’s just how he likes it--he doesn’t want her to worry about the how or why. 

Like I fully remembering playing in Japanese and being like oh my fucking god this is hilarious, this man is just a wild fucker and I love this. I was enjoying myself, mostly laughing and shaking my head. But then it just gets so, so serious. I was having so much fun that I, like a fool, forgot the anime effect. If you’re having fun, it’s going to come crashing down without mercy soon enough. And it does. He helps a little girl without any hope play her violin again, and maybe I’m just too English major but I was fucking FLOORED when I realized I didn’t see that that was straight foreshadowing. That little girl without hope? That was MC (and by extension depending on how you play, us). Though the metaphor isn’t quite so easily mapped without a physical space, the connection is clear when you think about it. With his careful social awareness, he makes a place for MC to exist in the mansion so naturally--as though she was meant to be there from the start, crafts a positive impression of her presence with each of the residents. And he does it with zero expectation of anything in return; he’s just happy to see her not stressing herself out anymore or trying to do everything alone. MC doesn’t fall in love with him despite their differences, she falls in love with him because they are the same in a singular and all-encompassing way that matters; they both care about other people so deeply, to the point where they will forego any personal needs in order to make that person’s life easier. Whether it be muting their own hardship, or working to involve another person in a new space (or opening up to the point of self-destruction to keep a person from feeling alone), they go above and beyond what anybody asks of them--perhaps strong to the point of their own detriment, in some cases. 

It’s why I always laugh when he says to Sebastian “That cara mia, she has a good heart.” Of course she does, Leonardo; it certainly takes one to know one. 

And because I literally have no brain cells beyond being in fucking love with Leonardo THE LAKE SCENE IS AN AFFRONT TO MY DIGNITY AND SELF-CONTROL. HOW DARE YOU, SIGNORE. HOW DARE YOU ASK ME TO SIT THERE AND WATCH YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO ME AND NOT BAWL MY EYES OUT AND TRY TO KISS YOU ALL AT THE SAME TIME. SIGNORE “hAhA yOu’Re So SmAlL yOu LoOk LiKe YoU’rE DrOwNiNg In My CoAt.” I WOULD DROWN AND DIE HAPPY--BITCH I TELL YOU THAT.

Like. I can’t think of another route I’ve ever done where I spent a good amount of time like “lmfao this guy is so wild im gonna punch him” to just be in a whirlpool of my own tears, regretting my entire fucking LIFE days later. Like Leonardo’s cultural impact???? Fucking immeasurable, I wish every white man disaster I ever met had a hidden heart of gold in all of his boyish dumbassery, an ICONIC himbo of our time. 

Also because I remembered it before posting and I am Dying^TM. The event where MC was a pureblood and he was human. That entire fucking event. I literally can’t think about it without screaming and crying. Her just so flustered at his reaction to her like “oh look, free real estate” as he plops her in his lap, absolutely no fear, treating her like a princess because of her noble title despite NO NECESSITY BEYOND PLAYFULNESS BUT ALSO STILL MEANING IT IN AN EARNEST WAY, being charming to no END just to see her laugh or look away shyly. 

WHEN HE SAID. WHEN HE SAID “...Can’t leave you alone, or you might go off someplace I can’t follow.” I. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU STRIPPED DEVOTION DOWN TO ITS BARE ESSENTIALS!!!!!! GAH HOW MC HERSELF SAYS “I would tell him the truth but...he’s much too generous for a human. I know he would offer his life without a moment’s hesitation.” How Leo describes the aftermath of her biting him: “Lucky for you, I’m a true gentleman, Unlike my principessa, who took me like a storm” HELLO??????? H E L  L O ???????????????????????? ARE WE JUST GOING TO SLEEP ON THE FACT THAT HE LOST HIS ENTIRE SOUL WHEN SHE BIT HIM???? I--

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

(Also as much as I love him the cigarillos have got to go at some point, boy do you have any idea the shit secondhand smoke does good lordt)

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp comte #can you feel me going through 800 different emotions in the course of writing this #fucking hell #he absolutely kills me i love him so much #would do ANYTHING for him #if you listen v closely you can hear the soft sound of me grabbing tissues #god i was just rewatching some of his events and i just #THE SHEER WARMTH OF HIS PRESENCE HOW IT WASHES OVER YOU WHILE READING #IM SHAKING AND CRYING I LOVE HIM SO MUCH #SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #like leo is just one of those routes where its like 'my life was before and after this moment' #otome is honestly destroying my standards OTL #he just makes me feel So Much my coherence disappears #brain cells???? don't know her only Leo tiddy #in conclusion: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[seyaryminamoto]

I recently saw a video where GRRM talked about how he saw two different kinds of writers. He mentioned the gardener(planting the seed of an idea and letting it grow) and the architect(who plans out and organizes everything ahead of time). Obviously, every writer is a little bit of both but I was wondering which you relate to more and if you’d be willing to share some more about your own writing approaches and processes :)

I think I've answered similar questions in the past, but it'd be near impossible to dig it out in this ridiculously big, chaotic archive of my blog xD so I guess I'll answer it again, and if we come across the previous answers I've given, it'd even be fun to compare if there's anything different in the answer these days (?)

Personally, I think the best way to go about this is to have a mix of both things, but for me, it's in a very specific manner.

While I absolutely see the value in letting a story spiral and grow into whatever it wants to be, I have to say I don't think my best work comes from that. The lack of structure is similarly liberating and dangerous, because if your story's purpose isn't something you, as an author, have really made up your mind about, it's 100% possible that the story will end up going in very strange directions that MIGHT not make much sense, when you look at where you started out.

I've told this story a few times, but it bears repeating xD my first "serious" attempt at writing (by which I mean, I took it seriously, not that the content itself was super serious, since it was a trainwreck more often than not xD) started off as a perfectly happy romcom high school story! And tbh, to this day I love it as it is... but I know, I KNOW, that I totally warped the initial purpose and process of the story when, upon fulfilling the first bit of conflict in the story and leaving some massive loose ends I had to wrap up, I found myself at a loss because I had no idea how to continue. I was seriously, genuinely, at a loss for ideas and storylines to keep going. What, then, did I come up with?

... my happy romcom characters ended up embroiled in an organized crime catastrophe that has ZERO build-up in the first part of the story xD

(To the eagle-eyed who might have picked up something here... yes. That is 100% what I was poking fun at through Yang in Gladiator during the Fire Lord's Shadow arc. Yes. I mock myself. More accurately, I make Azula and Sokka mock my most questionable writing choices :'D)

Now, then, I had a very weird mess in my hands and I admit, it wasn't a great place to be at xD you see me now with my very, very small likelihood of falling into writer's block? Well, back then, I spent more time blocked than writing, for sure :'D and one of the reasons why that happened is because, while I had some ideas for what I wanted to write in the future? I didn't really have a set direction beyond "I want these and these characters as endgame relationships!", which is pretty much the most basic level of "plotting" you can pretend to do, as a writer xD And ironically, even then I was far more malleable and willing to experiment with whatever character combinations came up later, which even resulted in me discovering, well into writing a story, that some characters I absolutely did NOT conceive in a relationship were actually pretty good together! :'D

But that I had very little direction when I started writing that story was still a problem. I actually found more direction and built some more structure as I reached the last part of the story, and I will say, it's the strongest bit of it, by far xD (as evidence of what I'm saying, it was the first time I ever wrote an OUTLINE DOC! XD) but I have no doubts that, if I'd had the foresight to actually know where I was going, the story as a whole would be much much better, no matter how much I love it for what it is.

So! This particular writing experience of mine taught me countless things, among them, to actually ponder direction and purpose in stories instead of diving in blindlly. It's not really about having foreshadowing hints every ten minutes, which is what some people take as a sign of quality (I'll dare be quite controversial and say that not because you know what you'll write ten years down the line does it mean your story automatically makes sense... xD), it's about actually having a purpose in what you're building, a real direction, character arcs and plotlines that, to put it simply, work.

Therefore... I know for a fact that I can't be a full-blown plantser (or gardener) because I've tried it, and while I absolutely see the merits, the drawbacks are pretty sizable for me, and it just really doesn't work with my approach to storytelling.

Thus... If I MUST choose a category out of them both, I'd say I'm an architect, but the truth is I'm not an architect in the most strict sense of the word, either :'D

If you want a super strong building, you obviously need the best foundations for it. But you don't stop there, of course: erecting a building takes a lot of different efforts and processes if you really want your building to not only stand tall but to be a proper, decent place to live in. And while in real life, the reasonable thing would be to have a plan for each of those little details you have to build in, from filling the walls, to the type of flooring, down to even the decor... in writing, THIS is where I take the gardener approach! :'D

I don't know if I've said it in the past, but while sometimes I don't know how to start a story (which, despite my carelessness with the matter in the past, I've come to realize is a VERY delicate choice to make, one that can actually destroy my immersion in a story if it's a choice made carelessly), usually, I try to make myself think about where it's going, first of all. Currently, I have a few potential original projects rolling around in my head... and I don't know where they start :'D but I DO know where I'll take them, what the actual, ultimate climax of those stories would be. This, then, is the most basic foundation for a story, for me. I choose a destination, kinda, and then build the journey there :D

This is, loosely speaking, how I've built up Gladiator. And yet Gladiator, being the ridiculously big mess that it is, required a very unique plotting approach that I suppose might be at odds with a lot of what I've said so far xD yet it also remains true to a lot of what I've said here :'D

When I first started to ponder this story, the first plot point was obvious and instinctive: Sokka's capture. When Chaosconetic (the one who first gave me the idea for this story) suggested it, he didn't quite put forward the idea of having Azula being the one who captured Sokka personally. I thought of making Azula and Sokka first come face to face in this way because... honestly? Because I just wanted them to interact as soon as possible x'DDDD it complicated matters, of course, but that was absolutely something I could work with.

Yet... where was I going with this story? It was a rewrite of ATLA as a whole, so what exactly was the direction for the story? Clearly, Azula and Sokka would wind up falling in love, and how exactly would that come about? And beyond that, wouldn't it be a seeerious mess for this to happen in a setting where Ozai is STILL in power? Why, of course it would be! :'D It added a new layer of complications to the generally already complicated Sokkla relationship, and instead of it being kept secret or being a forbidden romance for the reasons canon-based stories typically make it so, it's BEYOND forbidden here because Ozai is still a very much active factor in this story, and he makes everything worse :D soooooo...

With these particular factors in mind, I had several things to think about. With Sokka fighting as a gladiator being the core of the story, I had to figure out who would be his rivals, and in doing so, figure out what his power curve as a warrior would look like :'D in doing so, I settled very quickly on Toph for his main serious rival, but Sokka wasn't the only one whose story I'd be telling: obviously, Azula's arc would be important too, as I'd have to work with developing her FAR MORE than I ever had before, and while Sokka's personal opponents would be important, Azula is the one who chooses Sokka as her personal warrior, therefore, she had to have a purpose in doing so. Said purpose then materialized when I decided to make use of Zhao's character for Azula's main goal and foil, and so, I needed Zhao to have THE best gladiator of all... and I didn't need to think about it too much before I settled on Combustion Man for the role :'D

Thus, those were small, isolated yet pivotal elements that I had to articulate into a structure that made sense :D they were small things I settled on pretty quickly, from the very first few days of plotting. I can say for certain that, by the third day, I already had settled on the climax (... can't decide whether that's a fortunate or unfortunate wording choice, tbh xD) scene of Part 1, when Azula and Sokka have their fateful fight in chapter 96, then finally succumb to their attraction and act on their feelings without holding back, in chapter 97 :'D I knew I wanted this to happen after Sokka hit a low point upon failing to defeat Toph, either for the second time or after losing against her far too many times that he just was too discouraged to keep going, hence, I knew what the lead-up to this would be from literally day THREE.

But beyond this? At like... day one or two of plotting, once I settled on Combustion Man as the ultimate man to defeat? I also settled on how Part 2 would end :> back then, I honestly had no idea how much time there would be between the events from chapter 97 and the upcoming culmination of Part 2, I wasn't anywhere near advanced enough with plotting to even KNOW I'd split the story into parts because it would get too big to handle xD But what I did know was that I needed these two situations to happen, situations deeply entwined with Sokka's role as a gladiator. Everything in between was variable, and it was stuff I could figure out slowly, along the way.

The ultimate direction of the story, though? That did take me a long time to settle on xD In fact, I think it took me well over a year after I got started to really figure out where I was going with all of this. A close friend helped me figure out things by offering many ideas for Zuko and Suki's storyline, basically tossing them at me in hopes that I'd make sense out of some of them... and I don't really know if she even knows how much that helped me xD I really spent a long time unsure of what I wanted to do, what I COULD do... until at long last, I settled on one slightly ambitious direction that eventually turned into what you'll all know as Part 3 :'DDDDD

So... yeah, that's why I say I'm being contradictory as heck xD Yes, I worked out some core details of the story since the very beginning, but it wasn't ALL the core details, let alone the ultimate direction of the story, BUT... in building up Azula's character arc, that direction slowly became clearer to the point where, when this particular possibility stared me in the face, I knew it was where we had to go, I realized that what I'd written over that year was leading up perfectly to that outcome.

Ergo, Gladiator is 100% a work of gardening and architecture, woven together to a point where I have a hard time remembering what, exactly, was the result of each thing. There's some things that I settled on early on, like I said, structure things... and then there are some parts where the characters just went wild and did things I did NOT expect them to do xD There's one scene coming up, right before the climax of Part 2, where Azula actually does something that I honestly WASN'T sure of doing... and yet I couldn't resist the urge to go forward with it, once the idea came to mind, and so I did it. And now I regret nothing xD was it necessary? Possibly not. Will some people find it weird and out of place? Maybe. But was it CATHARTIC AS HECK!? Aaaabsolutely friggin' yes XD pardon me for being so self-indulgent, but that's part of what being a gardener is about (?)

So, I really think the best stories benefit from a careful approach to mixing the principles of both ideas. I know that some gardeners think that a structure can stifle creativity (not necessarily true, if you sense a lack of creativity in anything you're doing, it IS up to you to turn it around, switch it up and make it interesting, right...?), I also suspect architects might think gardeners would be utterly unable to tell a good story altogether in virtue of letting the story run away with them (also not necessarily true, as the quality of a story isn't quantifiable as easily as that, gardeners might just make masterpieces without as much need of direction as I personally require: Philip Pullman apparently had no set direction in the His Dark Materials trilogy and I could swear that's some of the best storytelling I have EVER seen).

Ultimately, each person gets to choose their ideal approach and what exactly they're trying to do with their work, as well as how they want to do it... but if you ask me, if your characters never seem to pull you in unexpected directions, you might just need to rework them or approach them differently to give them more life. If they DO pull you in those unexpected directions, but you're not sure if you can follow them just because you need to follow structure, it's really up to you as the author to choose whether to sacrifice the life/creativity within your own work and stick to structure, or sacrifice structure and potentially cause your story's course to crumble :'D

It may sound like I'm advocating for gardening so much more, despite I've labeled myself an architect, buuuuut... ironically, a very complicated but VERY rewarding scene in Gladiator Part 3 damn near WRECKED my structure when I was writing it a few weeks ago :'D I literally had to take a day off from actually writing so I could make a list of ALL the elements that would be impacted by this change if I went forward with it. If I chose against it, I would have to rewrite the complicated scene in a different way, and it might have been waaay too weird to make it work. If I chose to keep it, I had to tread VERY carefully or end up potentially making a mess of the ultimate direction of Gladiator's story, even threatening the themes and nuance that I have been counting on since I settled on this direction. Thus, sometimes gardening can be dangerous. Very, very dangerous.

I THINK I found a fair enough compromise that allows me to keep the best of both worlds... but I hope I've made it clear that both ways of working have their pros and cons, and why even mixing both things can have pros and cons xD but this is also why I, personally, think that a writer benefits the most from figuring out at least a loose outline, the broad strokes of what they want to achieve in a story, and then figuring out the many ways in which they could fill in those foundations, in whatever way they're most comfortable.

And so, I have rambled plenty xD I hope that was thorough enough, my position in this particular subject is honestly to oscillate in the middle of both things, where part of your job as the writer is to determine which situation benefits more from either approach :D Like I said before, I've found structure isn't something I can sacrifice easily, but more often than not, letting the story flow, letting the characters make their own choices, can enrich your story rather than hinder it. So... I lay the foundations, the structure, so that seeds can grow inside it, if that makes sense xD

#anon #woops #why do I talk so much #I just always do #minor tidbit spoilers here you could say though I don't THINK I gave away anything too important... #:'DDDD #but yep I am a gardenchitect #architardener (?) #whatever you wanna call it xD

[thewhitefluffyhat]

Thoughts on Karin’s Magical Girl Story

Another collection of thoughts and reactions, plus analyzing some small changes the NA translation made (similar to the translation comparison I did for Alina’s MGS a while back).

Starting off with not a change, but an interesting note: Karin and Alina’s club situation is rather strange.  Alina is the “outsider” from the Art Club, while Karin is part of the Manga Club.  The classroom they share, though, doesn’t appear to be the main space for either club.  I’d initially assumed that it was the room originally used for the Manga Club, but once Arc 2 updates these backgrounds...

It turns out this actually is an art classroom!  I guess the school just has two?

First major change: Just like in Alina’s MGS, they removed direct references to Karin and Alina’s ages.  The reference to Karin’s age at the start of the Magical Halloween Theater event was also changed.

(In JP here, Alina was said to have won a lot of different awards “for a 16 year old,” while Karin stated her age as 14 in the MHT event.)

Again, unsure of why the change, but it could be in order to fix the continuity issues. Because good lord, that continuity is snarled...

I think the order that makes the most sense is Karin MGS > Alina MGS > Magius forms > one year passes > MHT > Main Story Ch5 > Holy Alina’s MGS.  In theory, then Karin should be 13 and Alina should be 15 in their Magical Girl Stories and then 14 and 16 in the present, but as mentioned that’s contradicted by the start of Karin’s MGS in the original Japanese.

There’s also the weirdness around when/how Karin learned Alina was a magical girl, since Karin seems aware of it in MHT, yet it’s unclear if she knows in Holy Alina’s MGS.

… Anyway, stuff like this is why I gave up on constructing a coherent timeline for Magia Record.  There’s just too many continuity tangles.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

References to Karin being in her second year in middle school and the third years leaving – also changed.  Probably because it’s both an uncommon way to refer to grades in English, and also, once again, another continuity issue.  (If the third years left, why is Alina still there in one years’ time if she’s at least one grade ahead of Karin?)

Another change: some specifics in why Karin and Alina are in the same classroom together.  In JP, it’s not specified who made the deal to let Alina use the room.  If anything it seems like Karin is the one making a deal directly with Alina.

Which actually makes far more sense all around – why does “the school” care that Alina is giving informal lessons to some random kid?

And it makes more sense from Alina’s perspective too, in that it explains why she tolerates Karin constantly bothering her – putting up with Karin is explicitly the price she’s paying to Karin for using the space.

Oh boy, this.  Karin having this mindset is why it took me so long to really ship AliKari.  Because the dark undertone to “if only I improve, then surely Alina will treat me better” is that Karin is blaming herself when Alina is cruel to her.  And that can very easily slide into an abusive relationship - if you don’t consider it one already.

Alina treating Karin decently should not be dependent on Karin’s art skill.  Or anything else, for that matter.  Full stop.

(Tangent time, including some Arc 2 spoilers)

What ultimately made me come around to AliKari is some of the early Arc 2 stuff, where Karin starts thinking the reason Alina disappeared is because Alina is mad at Karin for not improving.  Karin’s explanation is spectacularly wrong, so I’m now more trusting that the game is implying that Karin’s mindset is going to change. That she’ll stop believing she’s at fault for Alina’s actions - and hopefully stand up to Alina too while she’s at it.

The other half of the equation is Alina, who as far as I can tell, is genuinely not interested in bullying Karin.  She certainly has every opportunity to do so – especially given how her teacher punishes Karin for Alina’s behavior – but Alina never takes advantage of it.  So while she is overly harsh and blunt about expressing her opinions to Karin, I don’t get the sense there is any manipulation underlying it.  Indeed, very unusually for Alina, we also never see her enjoying or fantasizing about Karin’s pain or distress.  She really, truly, just wants Karin to get better at art already!

Obviously, for any kind of relationship between the two to work, they would both need to undergo significant character development.  But that’s the draw of AliKari – while other characters have stagnated (sigh, RikaRen), Alina and Karin are still some of the most dynamic characters in the game. And in general, the direction has been that despite starting out in a bad place (like Karin’s mindset above), they’re growing to become very positive influences on each other.

(End tangent)

Enjoying the extra cliches thrown in here and there, and in general how they translated Karin’s dramatics by adding additional cheesy and on-theme descriptions.  Stuff like “dark and dreary night” or “cauldron of trouble” aren’t in the original Japanese, but they’re wonderfully in-character – honestly probably an improvement over the original!

Not a change, but more reminding myself that I really need to read Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne.  I’m like 97% sure that’s what’s being referenced here – the plot description and even the comments Karin makes about “Phantom Thief Kirin” In her later Magic unlock quotes are all a very close match.

Interestingly enough, I’ve heard KKJ mentioned as an earlier dark magical girl series that Madoka Magica rips off.  So it’s quite interesting to see it referenced again back in a PMMM property – I wonder which part of the creative team was responsible for this detail?

Hm, so, the subject and detail of Karin and Alina’s conversation in the middle differs between translations.  In JP, the subject is vague, so the fan translation has Alina going off on an extended metaphor comparing the history of art to the protagonist of Karin’s manga.  Meanwhile, in NA she just makes vague comments comparing her own growth as an artist.  

I think I prefer the former - Alina usually doesn’t like talking about herself, but she sure loves to ramble about art history.

The translation I can find for the metaphor Karin’s grandmother uses here in JP renders it “barely able to keep a business going” - so did Karin’s grandmother possibly own a business herself?  That’s a bit more interesting than just “struggled to make ends meet.”

Speaking of Karin’s grandmother, I really like her as a character.  Her relationship with Karin is really sweet - I mean, how often do you see a teenage girl and an older woman being fans of something together?  It happens in real life plenty of times, but it’s so rare to see this kind of interaction represented in fiction.

And it’s nice to see an example of mental illness being treated as just that – an illness.  I especially like that there’s consent to the cure – Grandma outright says she wishes to be cured, rather than Karin deciding as such on her own.  (As Karin is often wont to do…)

This is a fun illustration of how Alina has a very strong internal logic to her, but she’s really terrible at communicating it to other people.

Karin, naturally, takes Alina’s comment here as an exceptionally mean thing to say – it sounds like Alina is callously implying the thing Karin worked so hard on was so bad it wasn’t even worth Alina’s time to destroy, so she’s making Karin suffer even more in having to destroy it herself.

And the way Alina elaborates makes it quite clear that yes, she did mean to call Karin’s work garbage.  This isn’t Alina having difficulty with Japanese or English.

But while Alina’s sense of taste can be quite sadistic, I don’t think that’s what she was aiming for here.  Remember that Alina believes that “only the artist themselves has the right to destroy their work.”  So this is actually Alina acknowledging Karin’s work as art, and therefore only Karin has the right to rip it up.

And why rip it up?  Because whenever Alina finds her own work unsatisfactory, she destroys it.  Hence Alina’s question at the end of this little back-and-forth:

If Karin doesn’t want to rip up her manga, then according to Alina’s logic, that means she must be happy and satisfied with it.  But even Alina can tell that Karin is still unsatisfied and lying to herself, hence Alina’s frustration and confusion at Karin not destroying her work.

Another timeline note: Alina doesn’t lie, and even if she did, she doesn’t have a ring here.  So I think it’s pretty settled that Karin’s MGS takes place before Alina learned about magical girls.

Oh huh. In NA, Alina thinks she’ll be the one in trouble if Karin isn’t ready.  In the fan translation I’m used to, it seems like Alina is saying she’d just be mad herself… but I think NA has it right here.  (In the original JP, Alina is using the passive form of “get angry” without a subject.)

Both work, but the impression NA gives with both this change and the earlier one is that someone at the school is basically putting Alina in charge of supervising Karin.  Which… what the hell, Sakae Academy?

Going back a bit, Alina’s advice and its effect on Karin is interesting.  One of Karin’s flaws really is that she makes excuses for herself and only half-commits, so Alina pushing her to think about what she truly wants and work hard to get it was genuinely what Karin needed to hear at the time.

However, Alina is also an obsessive perfectionist that tends to push herself to very clearly unhealthy levels…

So it’s rather fitting that on following Alina’s advice, Karin ends up pushing herself into doing something very dangerous: insisting on fighting a witch alone even though Kaede tries to get her to retreat.  Karin is so determined she’s risking her life to fulfill her goal – something Alina would no doubt approve of.  But also a great illustration of why Alina and her advice is flawed too.

Which, come to think of it, is part of why Karin and Alina’s MGS actually form a nice pair of complementary short stories.  If you read them in chronological(?) / original JP release order, you first get to see how Alina helps Karin to grow as a person, and if you think hard about it, you can kind of see foreshadowing for Alina’s own issues.  Then in Alina’s MGS, you get confirmation of that foreshadowing about Alina, and furthermore, the payoff to Karin’s development with her now being the one to give Alina some hard-hitting advice.

#magia record #misono karin #alina gray #alikari #magia record analysis #my ramblings #na translation changes #magia record na #magia record jp #read more

[b1a4seeyou]

From A Piece of Paper

Summary: A yakuza’s wish upon a paper strip

Rating: None

Side note: During the Milky Way event, I FINALLY got Sakyo’s SSR first bloomed and I was really happy about it so I decided to write this short monologue thing cause I can’t help but headcanon he would do this every year. 🥺

>> You can read it in AO3 too! <<

>> I’m also opening commissions too!! <<

Remembering the days we’ve been with each other, I had never stopped regretting how I couldn’t tell the enjoyable feelings I had with you. How much of a fool I was for not taking the chance to see you one last time. Even from years apart, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Wondering, when will we ever see each other again.

Everyday, I would come by to your father’s plays in silence, wondering if you would ever show up. But you weren’t. Walking past the theater after a tour around town, but your presence wasn’t there. I couldn’t help but wonder, was that the last day I ever get to see you then? Deep down, I knew it probably is, but I can’t stop myself now. My hopes to see you again still burns within me, I just need to keep trying.

“Oi, Furuichi! Can you man that stall over there?”

“I’m practically occupied right now. Go find someone else!!”

The Tanabata festival came back another year, in which I mostly worked on more food stalls. Flipping takoyakis was more tiresome than I imagined but as long as everyone enjoyed it, that’s more than enough. However, never once have I stopped thinking about you, listing the things we could do together in my mind.

‘Once we meet again, I’ll make these for you to try.’ 

Smirking to myself, I can already imagine the grinning smile she would put up.

As time flew to the moonlit night, checking on the progress for the tanzaku was the last task before the end of the festival. Bamboo stacks were ready to tie knots with paper strips, now with people strolling around to write their wishes. I didn’t have the need to put a paper wish on, so I could only watch the event play from afar. 

“Aniki !!!!” 

“Oh, Sakoda. How’re the preparations going?”

“Everything is going well, boss! All bamboos are up and set to go.”

Nodding to his report, glancing back to the bustling people surrounding the bamboo stacks made me reminisce about my first wish. Though, I was merely a child who thought all wishes would come true in an instant.  I knew it won’t, none of it did. Growing up hits you hard with how reality treats you, so I could only accept it and move on.

But a blurry wave of motion pulled me out of my thoughts, revealing a paper strip hovering about.

“Here you go, boss! Go ahead and make a wish.”

“Ha?! I’m not going to wish anything. I’m too old for this, Sakoda.”

“No, you’re young as ever, boss!! Plus, everyone is doing it including the elderlys.”

“So you ARE saying I’m old then.”

“Eh?! N-No, that’s not what I meant!!”

Sighing to this conversation, I knew deep down he was being nice to include me in the fun. But what exactly am I gonna wish for? The same thing? Will my wish ever be heard to the skies above? Looking over to Sakoda, he had started writing on his tanzaku with that excited look on his face. Sighing again to myself, maybe I should give another try. Just this once. It felt weird for an old man to write a wish from the past, but it’s worth the shot.

Looking back to that wish, I realized how much you were important in my life. How you brightened up light to that awkward boy with that smile of yours. I want to spend more of those times with you again. Hearing your voice calling me out and being dragged to wherever you take me.

And maybe, just maybe… I could finally tell you these feelings during these years apart.

#Eunhwa writes #A3! #Act! Addict! Actors! #Sakyo Furuichi #CRIES. DURING MY ABSENCE HERE I WAS STRUGGLING REALLY HARD TO GET SAKYO'S SSR AND I FINALLY DID #I EVEN TIERED BUT IT WAS T4 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT. IT WAS WORTH IT #ANYTHING FOR MR YAKUZA MAN AND YOU KNOW IT

[enchanted-seokjin]

The 1; kim seokjin.

↬ summary: Y/N meets Jin after six months following their break-up.

↬ genre: one shot

↬ word count: 2.6k

↬ warnings: very slightly smut insinuation

↬ note: inspired by the 1 by taylor swift

I hold my breath when I see him walk through the door. He smiles widely at my friend and hands her over the gift which stands out from every other I’ve seen so far. And I’ve seen them all, for I’ve been here even before people arrived.

My friend wanted me to help her with the last details, setting the table, making sure everything looked neat and smell good. It was a façade. I realized once I crossed that same goddamn door and saw that my friend had opened a bottle of wine and served two glasses. That could only mean that it was a setup. I didn’t say anything, though. I was reminded that it was her birthday and I had to put up with any crazy idea she had in mind.

Many thoughts crushed my brain. Was she going to cancel the party? Was she going to ask me to tell one of the people she’d invited that the party wasn’t going to happen after all? 

I laugh as I remember how naïve I must’ve looked caressing the cat while my friend told me that she had invited Jin.

I didn’t get mad, but I was indeed shocked. I knew they got along well but I wasn’t aware that they were that close. For a moment, I thought she was going to confess that they were dating and my heart sunk just by the thought of it. When I asked her directly if they were more than friends, she looked at me confused and then disgusted. She assured me that Jin was her friend and nothing would ever change that. She was sorry for not letting me know earlier but it was kind of a last-minute invitation since she wasn’t sure how I would feel. She also said, “I understand if you want to leave.”

I couldn’t leave.

Now I wish I had.

My friend looks at the present, surprised by the presentation. It’s a tiny box, wrap in an elegant white paper with a red ribbon. I try not to smile but I fail and I look down at the cat moving between my legs and I’m thankful I’ve found this empty couch with no one around to bother me as a hang onto the glass of wine as if my life depends on it.

Jin has always had a good eye for details and I know that my friend appreciates it. I know I did. I know anyone would. 

When I look back up, I see Jin greeting a few of the people who are standing close to the door. He’s wearing black jeans and a dark shirt tucked inside his jeans which accentuates his waist. He looks stunning, smiling cordially, and having chit-chats with strangers. He’s always been good at that, too. The first time he invited me to an event I was nervous. I hate crowded places so I tried to turn him down but he assured me that everything would be okay and I believed him. He was right. He made me feel comfortable and included. He showed me a side of me I had never seen, one that glowed every time I stood next to him, talking to strangers and making new friends.

None of the people I’ve met during those events are my friends now.

As Jin moves, I want to get up, take the cat and fly upstairs but instead, I stay where I am because, at least, the floor isn’t quicksand here.

He’s late to the party, nevertheless. I noticed that as I was drinking my third glass of wine, thinking about how I should react once I see him after six months following our break-up. He’s never late. He’s always early. If he had a meeting at the dentist, he’d be there twenty minutes earlier. He doesn’t mind waiting but hates the idea of making other waits.

I guess he has changed.

Our eyes meet and I can feel my whole body turned numb as Jin gives me a tiny smile. A shy smile. The kind of smile which has always made my heart flutter, now makes me want to disappear.

I want him to keep chit-chatting with the blonde guy but I know he’s apologizing when he interrupts him to walk towards me. 

I forget how to breathe.

“Hey,” he says, smiling. His hands inside his pockets. He looks stunning under the white artificial light which makes his black hair shine. “New friend?” he asks, nodding towards the cat, now sitting next to my legs.

“She’s protecting me,” I reply, gazing at the cat as well. I don’t know if I’m holding the glass properly so I lower it to the armchair. I’m not leaving it at the little table. I’m afraid the waiter may come and take it away--- I wouldn’t know what to do with my hands either. I don’t have pockets as Jin does. I wish I hadn’t worn this stupid black dress.

I wish I was at home.

“From whom?” Jin asks.

I smile without saying anything. I don’t know what to answer. This situation is way too awkward for me.

“You’re late,” I point out instead and I wish I hadn’t. Though, Jin doesn’t seem to mind it. He stares at the window. A black cloudy sky displays through the lime curtains.

“I had to take care of a few things,” he replies, calmly and I wonder if he’s feeling his world crashing as mine is because I can sense everything coming down to pieces with him so close to me and I want it to stop.

I sigh and, this time, I gather the strength to put the glass on the table. I wait for the waiter to come and get it as a mouse waiting for a piece of cheese to drop. He doesn’t.

It’s time for me to go home.

“Well…” I begin as I get up. The house spins around for a second but I manage to keep control. Jin stares at me intently and I ignore his gaze. Instead, I focus on the cat, which meows and leaves. I’m completely alone with Jin. Great. “I hope you have fun,” I smile. I hope it sounds genuine. 

“Are you leaving?” he inquires, confused.

“Yeah, I have an appointment tomorrow,” I explain. It’s a lie, so I don’t get into any detail. I know enough not to reveal too much information when you’re lying, especially when you’re drunk. I pass past Jin, hoping he’d let me go but he follows me.

“Let me take you home,” he whispers as I take my black coat. 

“No,” I simply say.

I put it on and hear him sigh with impatience. Even though I’m not looking, I know he’s scratching his ear.

“My car’s right outside. I’ll take you home and then I’ll come back,” he begs. I turn to look at him. I’ve my bag between my hands, clutching onto it as hard as I was clutching on the glass of wine.

I smile ironically. Does he think I’m preoccupied he might miss this party?

“No, Jin,” I argue, slowly. “I’m good.”

I’m not getting into that hell of a car with you. I’m drunk, not stupid, I want to add. However, I choose silence and aim to walk towards the door when Jin steps in the way.

“Your house is not far,” he protests. “Let me walk you, then. It’s late.”

It’s true. It is late. The plan wasn’t for me to leave the party, I was supposed to help my friend clean up the mess afterward and stay overnight, and I was excited to have a girl’s night. I hadn’t had one in such a long time; I yearned for a little bit of fun. Yet, seeing Jin changed everything. 

“Fine,” I give up. I also know that he won’t let this go. If I leave without saying a word, he’d still follow me so it’s better this way.

“Great,” he smiles. “Are you going to say goodbye?”

I deny, reaching the door. As much as I love my friend, if I see her now and get the chance to say a word to her, it would be something far from “Happy birthday! I love you,” so I’d rather leave quietly.

Outside, the air is cold. I listen to the door close behind me and Jin approaching me as I start walking in the right direction.

“Aren’t you cold?” I ask. The answer is obvious; I can see Jin shrugged with his hands inside his pockets. He’s lucky there’s isn’t any wind. “Didn’t you bring a jacket?”

“No,” he barely looks at me so I stare at the empty street. “It was kind of a last-minute thing, coming here. I forgot to bring a jacket.”

“That present didn’t look like a last-minute thing,” I point out before I can stop myself and I hate how bitter my words sound.

“It wasn’t,” Jin answers, ignoring the bitterness. “I was going to give her the present even if I didn’t come tonight.”

“Of course you were,” I agree. “You’ve always been meticulous over important dates,” These words shouldn’t be charged with resentment but they are.

Jin takes a deep breath and I gaze at him. Our eyes meet for a second and I feel I’m about to break so I turn my head straight, though I can feel his piercing eyes on me.

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to come because I knew you were going to be here,” he explains with a little bit of frustration. My heart sinks but I ignore it.

“For what’s worth, I didn’t know you were coming until today.”

He stays silent for a second.

“I should’ve told you.”

“I blocked your number, remember?”

Jin quiets again. This time, it feels like an eternity. Then, his voice echoes in my brain.

“I��m sorry,” he whispers. “I never meant for any of this to happen,” he goes on and I lower my head, closing my eyes for a second as his sincerity burns inside my chest. 

“Don’t say that,” I beg.

Jin takes a deep breath.

“I’ve been wondering about you, you know?” he says. And I want him to stop but I don’t say anything because my heart’s in half and I forget how to speak. “What you’ve been doing… If life’s been treating you good…”

I laugh and look at the other side. Job wise? I’m good. Study wise? Getting there. Love wise? Still can’t get over him. I was at the bus stop last week and my soul left my body for an instant when I thought the man driving a black Mercedes was him.

“I’m good,” I answer. “I’ve been focusing on my studies.” 

“Trying to get into Art School?”

I smile as memories come flashing back.

“They say it’s never too late,” I look at him with a smile and he smiles back. We both know it was he who convinced me of that. “Don’t know if I’ll get in, though.”

“You’re really talented, Y/N,” he says with all seriousness. It’s always been like that when it came to my dreams. “Don’t throw yourself under the bus. You have a bright future ahead of you.”

I did have one. Once. With you.

“Thanks,” It takes me a few seconds to gather the strength to keep talking. “What about you?”

“Same old, same old,” he replies without looking at me. “Still working.”

“That’s good,” I babble as our eyes meet again and he flashes a tender smile. My heart sinks again and I feel tears burning behind my eyes. “Love wise?” I ask and look away. I’m not sure how I’ve mustered the strength to ask this. It’s as if someone else has taken control over me… Or something…

Jin doesn’t reply right away and I ignore the urge to start running because if I did, I don’t know if my legs would be strong enough to support me.

“Tried online dating,” he responds. “But it wasn’t for me,” he continues and I know he means it as a funny anecdote but it doesn’t sound like that. The air has shifted and I can feel the weight of these past six months over my shoulders. “You?”

“Nothing,” I say, shaking my head. 

It’s funny to hear that he’s been trying to move on while I’m still trying to get used to waking up alone every morning.

Jin sighs again and scratches his nose. I know he’s about to say something serious even before he opens his mouth.

“I did love you. You know that, don’t you?”

Of all the things I was expecting to hear from him, this was at the bottom of the list.

I shake my head as I bite the inside of my cheek. It’s all too real. It’s all too raw. I can’t take this, but Jin doesn’t take into account my feelings.

“After we broke up,” he mumbles as if he’s measuring his words. And I know for sure that he is. Jin’s too afraid to break me. “I’ve made up scenarios in my mind where everything worked out. I think it could’ve if we’d tried.”

I let out a weak laugh because it’s better than crying.

“I didn’t know you wanted to try.”

“I wanted everything that had to do with you.”

I smile, trying to hide my sadness. Suddenly, the shakiness in my hands is gone.

“You should’ve shown it.”

Jin looks down for a moment, and I know he’s regretting his decisions.

“We were something, don’t you think so?”

I nod. Yes, we were. All our friends and family were so sure we were going to end up together for the rest of our lives. I thought so, too. I thought Jin was the one. My family thought Jin was the one. I guess it would’ve been fun, to grow old together. To keep learning from each other until we’ve memorized every aspect of our personality, every inch of our bodies.

I see my house in the corner and we slow down our pace. Maybe it’s our subconscious working for us.

“Yeah,” I agree.

Jin lowers his head again.

“I’m seeing someone,” he lets out carefully.

I don’t react. There’s nothing else he can break in me.

“I’m glad you’re happy.”

“You’ll find someone, too.”

I guess I will. Someday.

I picture Jin with this new person, hanging out with his family. I picture them visiting Jin’s family every Sunday and Jin’s mom teaching them how to cook. That’s what I did every Sunday, at least. It was fun. Jin’s mom would end up amazed at how useless I was in the kitchen while Jin would assure me that I didn’t have to worry about anything because I had him.

We stop when we reach my house. He walks me to the porch and I turn to him. I open my mouth, ready to ask him if he believed that we would be together now if only one thing had been different… But I say nothing.

“Thank you, Jin,” I mutter instead.

“It was nice seeing you, Y/N,” he smiles but he doesn’t move.

I know that, in a different time, he’d come in with me, have a glass of wine. He would be telling bad jokes as alcohol starts to hit us while I fall in love with him as every second passes by. I wouldn’t wear this black dress for too long, he’d get rid of it as soon as he gets the chance and I’d enjoy each torturous moment unbuttoning his shirt.

“It was nice seeing you, too, Jin. Have fun at the party,” I state as I walk in because I should be the strong one; as I always have.

Still, tears fall in silence knowing that Jin is on the other side of the door and I will wake up alone tomorrow, again.

#seokjin #jin #kim seokjin #bts jin #jin imagine #jin x reader #jin scenarios #jin fanfic #seokjin imagine #jin imagines #seokjin x reader #seokjin scenarios #bts scenarios #bts imagine #bts x you #jin x you #bts fanfiction

[jamielea81]

Conversations

Chapter 4

Description: You accompany your friends on a day trip to Animal Kingdom Theme Park where you meet Scott Evans by chance. This one afternoon leads to a year long friendship with both Chris and Scott over text messages and phone calls.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warning: Cursing, drinking, and drunk texting.

A/N: Italics are internal thoughts.

Chapter 3

“Where do you want to eat?” Brooks asked once the two of you reached a strip of fast food and casual eateries.

Both of you left the office in search of a late lunch. In actuality, Brooks surprised you in the parking lot when you pulled in. You had just eaten breakfast two hours prior, but hey, if he was paying, you were going.

“Champs is always good,” you said.

Brooks hummed in reply, but kept walking past the entrance, leaving you standing there puzzled.

“Okaaaaay,” you said as you jogged to catch up. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Okay. Sure. We’ll go with that,” you replied.

When you passed the fifth restaurant, you quickly walked ahead, grabbing the door for Panera Bread and holding it open for him. “In! Now!”

He chucked, shook his head, and walked in, you following behind.

With a large, apple and chicken salad in front of you, as well as large hunk of bread, you decided to let the two of you eat in peace before the interrogation began.

“Do you really need three packets of butter for that piece of bread?” he questioned.

You pointed the plastic butter knife at him. “It’s rude to talk with your mouth full. And yes, this is a lot of bread, so it deserves a proportionate amount of butter. Bread and butter give me life. Don’t hate,” you replied, tearing a chunk off.

He closed his mouth, chewing a large bite of his sandwich but giving you a large closed lipped smile.  

After your stomach was overstuffed by the bread you insisted on eating, you took a large sip of water, eyeing Brooks who now had his phone in hand.

“You and Jana are too much alike. Always so serious on your damn phones,” you said. Pushing your cup away because you were just too full for even water.

“One to talk. I hear you are mighty chatty with those…Evans guys,” he whispers at the end causing you to roll your eyes.

“They’re both friends,” you reply, shrugging your shoulders.

“Not with Chris from what I hear,” he said, the smugness thick.

You bite out a laugh. “From what you hear. You mean Jana? That’s your big scoop?  You’re such a punk.”

“I’m just sayin’ that it all sounds flirty to me.”

“Remind me to not tell Jana anything anymore,” you said.

He gives you a half smile, but says nothing else.

“It’s not like that. He’s Brish Mevins.” Brooks chuckles at the fake name you gave Chris. “Have you seen the girls he’s dated?”

Brooks shakes his head no, but picks up his phone and starts typing away. You put your hand over it, forcing it down.

“Neither have I, and I want to keep it that way. But I’m sure they’re gorgeous and probably all actresses. Besides, sometimes people just flirt. I do it too. It’s fun,” you replied.

“Think what you will, but be open to it,” Brooks says, taking his finger and tapping your nose.

“Dorks. That’s the only types of people I know.” Brooks scrunches up his face and gives you a smile. “Any way. Tell me what’s up and don’t say it’s nothing.”

He lets out a long breath but sits up straighter, his face instantly changing to one that’s excited. “I got a job offer,” he exclaims.

“A different one at the paper?” you asked.

He shakes his head no. “It’s with an online news organization. It’s still a sales position, but it’s better pay and I can work from anywhere.”

“Don’t leave me there by myself,” you pout. “You can’t buy me lunch if you’re at home.” Bottom lip sticking out.

“You’re hardly there by yourself. How often have I come to your desk and your busy chatting with the women around you?” he asked.

While you are extremely happy for your friend, damn, are you going to miss seeing him every day.

“Not the same.” You take a big breath in. “But I want the best for you. So, if you’re happy, I’ll be happy. The Cole family is certainly moving up. You with this new job and Jana making partner.”

Brooks throws a hand up. “Don’t jinx it. Nothing’s been announced yet.”

You copy his stance, adding your second hand in. “Fine. Fine. But it’s going to happen.”

 It’s media day at Walt Disney’s Hollywood Studios. The second attraction, Rise of the Resistance in Galaxy’s Edge is opening and you are quite excited. You hadn’t always loved the Star Wars franchise, not getting into the movies until your early twenties thanks to an old boyfriend who was pretty obsessed. This ride is supposed to be a huge deal and with very little revealed to the public thus far, you’re stoked.

There’s a big presentation by CEO Robert Iger with some surprise guests. Storm Troopers are roaming the currently empty stage while various members of the media prepare to go live once the presentation starts. A borrowed camera with a zoom lens from the paper rests in your hand. You also have your digital voice recorder ready to go. It would be easier to film the event and take stills from the video, but with a good number of YouTubers making up the event, you can always catch what you missed later that night.

Robert Iger walks on the stage while small pyrotechnics fire off from the back. Cheers all around. The buzz in the air is catchy and you find yourself fangirling more than anything. The special guests end up being Daisy Ridley and John Boyega as both actors play a part in the ride.

You’re given a return time to ride the attraction that day. Seeing that you have about an hour until your time slot, you peruse the shops selling various themed wares. Even the bottles of Coke products are themed to match the land. You purchase an orbed shape bottle of Sprite and snap a selfie sending it off to Scott.

Scott: Sprite? You’re in Star Wars land and you get soda. Where’s the blue milk?

You laugh at his reply.

Y/N: Star Wars land? It’s called Galaxy’s Edge Grumpy.

Y/N: Have you tried the blue milk? I’ll stick with the pop thank you very much.

Scott: Pop?! What the fuck is pop?

Scott: How long have you lived in Florida. The word you’re looking for is soda.

Y/N: Whatever 🙄

 You snuck a selfie with a Storm Trooper and sent it to Chris. A few minutes later he was calling you.

“Hey babe,” you answered.

Yeah, your friendship had taken on another nickname. He called you sweetheart and you called him babe. The first time you said it to him you cringed. Like full body folded in half while you waited for a reaction. You didn’t mean to say it, but Chris took to calling you almost daily. He had a long break in his schedule and you had become part of his day. One day the word just slipped out. It felt natural. When he went on as if nothing happened, you relaxed. The nickname slipped out more and more as if that were his name.

“You’re killing me sweetheart! Are you there for the paper?” he asked.

“Yeah. Story will post tomorrow if you want to read it. I’m about to go on Rise of the Resistance in a few minutes.”

“Of course, I want to read it. Send me the link tomorrow. Gah! I’m jealous,” he whined.

You let out a giggle. “Get your butt to Orlando then. If you can’t swing the cost of a hotel, you can stay with me,” you replied.

“Uh-huh, okay, Sassy. I’ll let you know. Go enjoy your day smartass,” he said.

“You wouldn’t put up with me if you didn’t like it,” you teased.

“Need to stop talking to Scott. Apparently, he’s a bad influence on you,” Chris said.

“Oh, I don’t doubt that. But I’m going to head over to the line. I’ll call you later babe,” you said.

“Sounds good sweetheart. Bye,” Chris said ending the call.

Rise of the Resistance was not only visually stunning, but action packed. There were so many details that no doubt you could ride ten additional times and still not catch them all. The Sentinel was lucky to have a Disney enthusiast such as yourself on staff. Whenever there was a Disney Parks story needed, they knew yours would trump the competition. While you knew you were good at your job, you were also your worst critic and struggled to really put yourself out there. This is why you mainly worked on assignment with only writing a story of your choosing from time to time.

On your way out of the park, you purchased a Mickey Premium Ice Cream Bar. You took a bite out of one of the ears and snapped a selfie. The picture was quickly sent to Chris since he asked you to mail one to him a month again.

Y/N: I was going to mail this but he just looked so damn tempting.

Chris: I may not talk to you for a while. I think you understand why.

Y/N: I refuse to believe that. I’ll call you later.

Chris: We’ll see

What a baby.

 It was Christmas Eve and you were freezing cold in your mom’s house. The heat was on, but she liked to keep the thermostat set to sixty eight to keep the gas bill low. Living in Florida for fifteen years had thinned your blood. The one positive about being back in Minnesota in the winter besides seeing your family, were the cute winter clothes you could wear again. Despite the warmer temperatures all year round in Central Florida, clothing stores still sold tall boots and thick sweaters.

Dressed in a large cream cowl neck sweater, dark blue jeans, and fuzzy red and white stripped socks, you were still freezing. You pulled the green throw blanket up to your neck, wishing someone would hold your mug of hot cocoa spiked with Baileys up to your lips so you wouldn’t have to remove your hands from under your blanket.

“When did you turn into such a baby?” Heath, your younger brother asked.

Like a true baby, you stuck your tongue out at him. He smirked but shook his head at you before sitting down next to you on the couch. Your mom and her sisters are in the kitchen, fussing with dinner, but mostly drinking wine. The “kids” who are all in their late twenties and thirties include your cousins Jenny, Rebecca, Tony, and Nick and his wife Avery, as well as yourself and Heath.

You brother reaches forward and grabs your mug off the coffee table, taking a sip before passing it to you.

“This is weak,” he said.

“Not all of us need a splash of cocoa in our Baileys,” you replied.

“When’s the last time we all got drunk together?” Jenny asked.

“Not since Nick’s wedding and that was like ten years ago,” Rebecca replies.

“Count us out, we got the kids watching TV in basement and need to get home tonight,” Avery said.

Nick frowns causing you to chuckle.

“I’m game, but I don’t want to get Baileys drunk. What else do we have?” you asked.

Heath got up and walked into the kitchen, politely smiling at your mother before opening a cabinet. It was taking some effort as he was trying to reach the back of the cupboard. A few seconds later he walked back into the living room with his hands behind his back. Like a magician unveiling his trick, he pulls the bottle from behind his back.

The group of you oohs at the green bottle of Jägermeister.

“We’re going to be so sick,” Rebecca said.

“On Christmas,” you add. “Why does mom have a bottle of Jägermeister?

Fuck. Mom is going to be so mad at us.

“It’s mine from like five years ago. I left it here and forgot all about it,” Heath chuckles.

“Do we have shot glasses?” Jenny asked.

“Doubt it,” Heath said.

“But we do have Dixie cups in the bathroom.” Tony said, getting up from his seat and moving into the bathroom.

Heath grabbed his phone and hit play on his nineties music playlist. It may be Christmas Eve, but this was really a get together with your family since you mainly only came home once a year. Even then, not everyone was able to get together every year.

With your first shot in hand, you snap a selfie. Best to do it now before I start to get sloppy.

Downing the shot with your brother and cousins, you grab your phone to fire off a text, attaching the picture to send Chris and then to Scott.

Y/N: Cheers to a Merry Christmas

Scott’s the first to reply as you finish your second shot.

Scott: Someone’s getting holly and jolly

You giggled at that causing your family to all send you a questioning look.

“These shots are already going straight to my head,” you said quickly.

“Drinking game!” Heath shouts. “Since we know the Christmas Story is on TV, anytime someone says Ralphie, we drink.”

“We are so getting wasted tonight,” Tony said.

“Mom,” you called out. She walked from the kitchen into the living room where you all were. “I think everyone but Nick and Avery are staying over.”

“You kids,” she sighs as she shakes her head walking away.

Your phone buzzed in your hand. Chris had responded to your text.

Chris: God you’re adorable.

Butterflies swarmed in your stomach with heat instantly rising to your cheeks. You hoped the alcohol you consumed was a good enough cover for the redness you were no doubt showing.

Your phone started to buzz in your hand repeatedly. You were so lost in your thoughts, you almost missed the call entirely.

“Hello?” you answered.

“Merry Christmas sweetheart.” Chris said. His voice was a little rough, making you shiver.

“Hi Ba-Chris,” you said, almost slipping out the nickname in front of your family. Getting up quickly, you moved to your old bedroom for privacy.

“How’s your Christmas so far?” he asked.

“Really good. It’s like the first Christmas in maybe five years where all my cousins on my mom’s side could come,” you said. “We’re having a really good time.”

He chuckled. “I can see that. How many paper cups of alcohol have you had?”

“Only two. Probably a lot more to come,” you replied. “Besides, it’s warming me up. It’s like I get amnesia about the weather.”

“I bet. Too much sunshine. It’s cold here too,” Chris said.

“Are you and Scott in Boston?” you asked.

“Yep, for like the last week. Probably be here another couple of weeks. You should come to Boston,”

What?

You cleared your throat. “Like now?” you asked.

Chris chuckled again. Damn, if that laugh didn’t get you every time.

“Like in general.” He pauses for a moment. “You should come out sometime. Scott’s here a lot. I’m here a lot. It would be fun. Give ya the whole New England experience,” he said.

“You know, it’s cold in Massachusetts,” you chuckled out.

“It’s a good thing you look so cute in sweaters,” he said, seriousness in his voice.

Okay fine. I like Chris. I like him, like him. Fuck.

You’re rendered speechless. Yes, he’s flirty every once in a while, via text message, but hearing it over the phone is something else. It’s almost not fair that he can say those things but be a thousand miles away most days.

“Hello? Did I lose you sweetheart?” Chris asked.

“Sor…sorry. Yeah, I’ll think about it,” you stammered.

“Come in the fall. It’s beautiful in the fall and not too cold for you.”

“Okay. Yeah. We’ll work it out,” you replied.

“I’m holding you to it.” Chris said.

“Y/N? Where’d you go?” Rebecca called from the other room.

“Hey, Chris. I’m being summoned in the next room. M’sure I’m a few drinks behind by now,” you replied.

“Okay, sweetheart. Go have fun with your family,” he said.

“You too, babe. Merry Christmas,”

“Merry Christmas,” he replied.

You were indeed late to the party as everyone was plenty tipsy by the time you walked back into the living room. Tony handing you a full paper cup before you could even sit down.

An hour later you had given up on drinking. You were at the point where you were just tipsy enough with zero percent chance of getting sick and that was plenty. You had a feeling your mom would be waking everyone up bright and early tomorrow.

You picked up your phone and sent Chris a text. Because having your phone while drunk was a great idea.

Y/N: We all want something beautiful

         Man, I wish I was beautiful

The two of you had a habit of sending song lyrics back and forth to each other. Since the nineties station was still playing on Heath’s phone, Mr. Jones seemed appropriate. And maybe the booze made you brave since the words had hidden meaning to your crush on Chris.

Chris: A little Counting Crows on Christmas?

Y/N: Why not? Sometimes Christmas makes you nostalgic for the 90s.

“One more shot. Come on. Just one more. You’re never home to get drunk with me anymore.” Heath sniggered.

“You are a bad influence on me,” you teased, poking him in his chest. “Fine. One more and that’s it.”

One more turned into three more and you were suddenly sloppy drunk. You said goodnight to everyone, after throwing them extra blankets and pillows you scrounged up from your bedroom.

Alone in your room, you couldn’t get your mind off of Chris. After calling you cute and inviting you to Boston, not to mention the flirty texts, it was all too much.

Y/N: I think yur so cutte

Y/N: so nice n sweet

Y/N: just derseve everything you evr want

Y/N: wish yo not so far away

Predictive text doesn’t catch everything apparently, but you’re pretty sure he would get what you were saying. Before you could type another devotion to Chris, your phone rang, causing you to drop it on your head.

“Motherfucker!” you exclaimed, rubbing your aching head.

The phone continued to ring regardless of your pain.

“Hello?” you groaned.

“So, I’m going to take a shot in the dark here and say that you are trying to text my brother.” Scott said.

“Scott! Hi! I miss you!”

He chuckled. “Yeah, Yeah. Miss you too Sassy. Sounds like someone’s a little drunk.”

You giggled. “You’re a little drunk!”

“Oh my god. I should be recording this call.” He murmured.

You laughed because that’s what you did when you drank. You weren’t sure why you were laughing, but Scott always put you in a good mood.

“Anyway. I’m going to call you tomorrow because you probably won’t remember this. I need you to put your phone away and go to sleep. Those text messages you thought you were sending to Chris, you actually sent to me,” he said.

You frowned, sticking out your bottom lip. “Can you show Chris? He needs to know,” you whined.

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow sweetie. Now get some rest. Goodnight,” Scott said.

“Night Scott.”

 The next morning you groaned to the sounds of your mother banging pots and pans. You were pretty sure she was doing it on purpose. With every bang, it felt like your head was going to crack open. Taking a pillow from under your head, you put it over your face and prayed that you could fall back to sleep. But then you remembered something about telling Chris he was cute.

Oh no! He’s going to think I’m some sad, desperate girl.

You grabbed your phone, praying Chris didn’t reply. Maybe he’d ignore it and save you the embarrassment. But then you remembered Scott calling you.

“Thank god for Scott,” you mumbled.

Typing out a quick reply to Scott since he would now be considered your saving grace.

Y/N: Thank you for saving me from myself.

Scott: No problem Sassy. How are you feeling?

Y/N: Like death. Not drinking again, probably for years.

Scott: So dramatic.

Y/N: Merry Christmas Grumpy.

Scott: Merry Christmas Sassy.

You plugged your nearly dead phone in to charge and regrettably got out of bed since your mom continued to make way too much noise at nine in the morning. You took a shower, hoping it would make you feel more alive. Sadly, it did not.

After eating breakfast which consisted of pancakes since your mom took a little mercy on you, you crawled back into bed. Christmas dinner was being served at five, so you grabbed your phone to set an alarm for an or two, because you knew you would over sleep. As soon as you picked it up, you saw you had a text from Chris.

Chris: Merry Christmas sweetheart.

Chris Evans was going to be the death of you.

Chapter 5

Tag List: @mustangshelby04​ @bellaireland1981​ @carolina-thiell​ @straightforwardly​ @torntaltos​ @denise1605​ @mcuclintasha​ @southerngracela​ @iam-cj​ @trynnabemultifandom​ @chrisevansforever-blog​ @kelbabyblue​ @broadwayandnetflix​ @kyjey​ @thevelvetseries​ @i-just-feel-like​ @daddieslittlefangirl​ @hista-girl​ @stankface​ @denisemarieangelina​ @im-not-an-armrest-im-short​ @whymalu​ @the-doctors-fallen-angel​ @mariswritingforfun​ @tessabb7​ @chrisevansfanfic​ @lakamaa12​ @thinkxlovexloud​ @nea90sweetie​ @the-murder-strut-murdered-me​ @greyeyedsmile14​ @dangerouslovefanfic​ @ripvandrinkle​ @bitterstar88​ @andymi3ntus​ @zestygingergirl​ @tanelle83​ @pinknerdpanda​ @allaboutthebooz​ @estillion14​ @panicfob​ @patzammit​ @heartislubbingdubbing​ @collinsstanharbour​ @twittytelly​ @thefandomzoneisdangerous​ @linki-locks11​ @mywinterwolf​ @ab-baybay​ @rda1989​ @impalaimages​ @jesseswartzwelder​ @rainbowkisses31​ @xostephanie​the

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x reader insert #chris evans imagine #chris evans au #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fan fic #chris evans fan fiction

[anika-ann]

Nothing but the Truth - Pt.4

The Interrogation

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader        Word count: 2890

Summary: A fake dating AU. Time to seal the deal; you become Steve’s fiancé, officially. Kinda. You really have to talk about the rules of engagement; read PDA.

Warnings:  the fluff gets real y’all, some swearing

Story Masterlist 

Your life took quite a turn after such an insignificant event as knocking over your lunch on you.

Here you were, an engagement ring sitting on your finger, twisting as you fiddled with it nervously, seated next to Steve on a too comfortable sofa in a TV studio.

Everything was hazy, like a dream. You blamed the sharp lights of which you hoped were about to get dimmed at least a fraction, because otherwise you’d be blind before the interview was over.

As if the gaffer could read your thoughts, he dimmed the reflectors a bit, allowing you to see the interviewer’s face. Yay for you.

You were not in any sense ready for the questions, let alone coming from a TV host. You had been skilfully dodging your family’s inquires by telling them you’d explain later, you ignored your friend/colleague who was blowing your phone with texts and phone calls and you avoided everyone at work, mostly because for the past two days, you weren’t there to begin with; not in your office anyway.

Steve might be sitting by your side, his hand around your waist reassuring, but it did little to soothe your nerves. You truly were an awful liar and people from TV industry, reporters and such, there were like sharks; you did not feel like facing the sharks, thank you very much, they could smell lies as if they were blood.

Tony Stark had sworn that the host was an acquittance of his, good people, he had promised, and in collective effort, you had put together a list of acceptable questions for her to ask and a list of answers for you. Also, you had received one simple advice: stick to the truth as much as possible, because it is easier to keep track of. Also, Tony Stark had smirked when you confessed to being a terrible liar and had told you that you and Cap were apparently a match made in heaven and that it was just another good reason for you to try and lie only as little as possible.

Surprisingly, once the interview started, you felt yourself relax only enough to not to stutter too much when speaking, so it only appeared you were shy and nervous and not losing your mind. It had little to do with the friendly host who somehow managed to make the interview flow naturally despite using rehearsed questions and everything to do with Steve’s comforting presence, his thumb drawing calming circles on your hip.

You successfully got through the questions about how you met – via Sam, of course, stick to the truth as much as possible –, how you started dating, adding only tiny bits of information about you too, easily explaining that you wanted to keep your family and some of the privacy out of the spotlight.

It all naturally led to another burning question.

“So, it might be obvious, but I gotta ask… why all the secrecy?” she queried, still smiling invitingly and Steve shrugged in response as he clearly did find the answer evident.

“I like to keep my private life separated. This…” he looked at you with one corner of his lips raised and continued, “she doesn’t deserve thousands of people trying to stick their nose into her life – into our life. I just… I guess I wanted… uh, I wanted to spare us that for as long as possible.”

You confirmed his words with few delicate nods.

“Well, people know now. How do you feel about that?” the host turned to you.

“Mixed feelings, I think? I don’t enjoy being the centre of attention much. On the other hand, it’s a relief not having to hide.”

“Yeah, that about sums it up,” Steve agreed. “I mean, we didn’t plan it, I honestly wasn’t thinking about anything than cheering up my best girl after a bad morning that day, but this might be a truly good thing. Maybe now, her other suitors will finally lay off.”

Your heart skipped a beat and judging by the subtle squeeze of your hip, Steve noticed and was trying to tell you to stay calm – despite the fact that this was not planned at all.

What the hell was he doing?

“Other suitors?” the host questioned, intrigued, as she eyed your reaction; which was absolutely genuine, a 100% undiluted shock.

If you were lucky, the audience would think it was you being self-conscious, surprised at the idea of other people being interested, which… wasn’t that far from the truth, but seriously, Steve, what the hell?

Utterly confused, you attempted to cover your shock with only thing you could think of; with humour.

“Yeah. There are so many! I can see the line forming right there,” you joked lightly, making the effort to point somewhere behind the cameras and the host chuckled when she caught on the playfulness in your voice, knowing all too well what you were doing.

“You’d be surprised,” Steve stated lowly, making you pause and blink in confusion. He was just messing around, right? There were no other guys interested in you. Yes, you had been complimented before, yes, you had been in relationships before, but it wasn’t like guys fought over you or something.

Once more hiding your inner turmoil, you turned your head to him, eyes narrowed.

“Steve!” you scolded him, mocking offence. “Are you telling me you knew there were others and you didn’t introduce us?!”

The interviewer’s eyes flickered between the two of you, an expectant smirk forming on her lips. Well, glad you’re having fun, because I still have no idea what this is all about, apart from Steve proving a point which I’m not quite getting yet. Though you had to admit, it probably looked natural, a banter between friends turned to lovers and you suddenly realized that this was Steve making this whole one single interview you were willing to give, which was suspicious enough, much more believable.

And damn, was he smooth about it.

Steve’s smile was innocent, a glint of mischief in his irises as he shrugged. “What can I say? I just want you for myself.”

Feeling heat rising to your cheeks at the confidence he spoke with and at his palm squeezing your hip once more, shifting you subtly and yet visibly closer to his side, you smiled at him and leaned your forehead onto his shoulder. His lips landed in your hair so easily as if he had done it thousand times before.

“I guess you are forgiven then.”

“Well, it looks like you two have it figured out,” the interviewer, Laurel, because you were all on the first name basis to cut the tension, remarked. “And I suppose the strategy would work, Steve, the ring isn’t extravagant, but it is hard to miss.” She beckoned to it and looked at you expectantly. “What was it like? The proposal?”

Well, shit. You really wished Steve would get this one to answer, because you would have to lie through your teeth, but it was expected that you’d be the one to be asked about it since being proposed was a big moment in woman’s life. Or man’s, sure, but in your position… stop trying to distract yourself, big lie ahead! Focus!

“It was… a blur. I mean, we aren’t together for too long despite knowing each other for over a year now. But… I guess when you know, you know, right? It was just so sudden! This ring is beautiful, but we actually picked it after the question.”

You were meant to say exactly that – just in case someone who was too close to you noticed the absence of the ring before – and overall, you weren’t lying in the true sense of the word, only omitting the truth… it was just so damn complicated!

“Oh?”

“Eh, that one is on me,” Steve saved you and you truly tried your best not to show your relief when he took over. “I wasn’t prepared. She deserves the best, but… eh, I suppose that with all the secrecy I was bottling up emotions for too long and I couldn’t contain it anymore, I… I asked without finding the perfect ring.”

You weren’t sure how he accomplished that, but a blush actually crept its way up his neck as if he was embarrassed at his own impulsiveness. You found it unbearably cute and clearly, you weren’t the only one.

“Aww, that is so precious! Can’t imagine any woman to be oppose to that. Right? Truly romantic, succumbing to the spirit of the moment, the rush of emotions!” the host gushed and you grinned at the nice pass she offered.

“Don’t I know it. It was… unusual. But our relationship isn’t exactly typical.” No shit. “So it suits us, I think. And yeah… I…uhm… I couldn’t believe it was happening.”

Once again, 100% undiluted truth.

“I have no doubt. The important thing is the two of you being happy. And I think all of our viewers can tell you two look very happy together.”

Did you?

“Well, she is a wonderful woman and she said yes. How could I be not delighted?” Steve beamed, effectively causing your heart to flutter foolishly.

A part of you – a very sizeable part of you – was enjoying this little pretending immensely, alright, trying to push all the possible outcomes for the two of you after breaking the fake relationship aside and succeeding, but at times, you couldn’t but feel overwhelmed anyway.

Like when Steve said that and it warmed you from inside out, your brain screaming at you that had this been real, you would have melted into a puddle of lovesick jello.

‘She is a wonderful woman and she said yes. How could I not be delighted?’

Why did he have to sound so unbelievably genuine? He had told you he was a terrible liar. Liar!

You forced a shaky but hopefully sweet smile and stretched your neck to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. In for a penny…

“That is so sweet!” the host commented instantly, basically cooing. “And chaste!”

SHIT, you totally walked into that one! But Steve kissed your head before and had got away with it without a single remark! How was this fair?

You tried to swallow your panic, instantly explaining, while your heart raced, slightly panicking.

“Uh, we’re not much for showing affection publicly and with the secrecy-“ you babbled, while Steve started his own reasoning: “The time I grew up in-“

“Ah, that’s understandable,” the woman agreed and the sound of the heavy rock which had seated itself in your stomach hitting the floor must have been caught by the audio tech, you were sure. That was how loud it must have been. Crisis averted. “But… come on. Don’t play all coy on us…”

Spoke too soon.

You gulped, eyeing Steve, who was no doubt better at hiding his panic than you were. You could tell by the intensity of his gaze though that his nerves were as wrecked at the moment as yours.

What else could you do though but comply, being on a TV and being asked to kiss? How obvious would it be if you refused?

…in for a pound.

He searched your face, observing every tiny motion of your mimic muscles, every twitch. You lowered your gaze to his lips – and damn, didn’t you, in your heart where you pretended this whole situation on hand was not going to end up in a terrible heartbreak on your part, want to kiss those full lips, so tempting – and raised you gaze back to lock it with his. You hoped you looked determined enough, but you confirmed it in soft-spoken words, simultaneously checking if he was alright with this.

“It’s okay, Steve. We can handle a bit of PDA this once, can’t we? I mean… we’ve made it official, after all.”

A barely visible smile appeared on his lips, an inconspicuous nod sealing the deal.

Two of his fingers slipped under your chin, angling your face just a bit, brining you closer to the paradise. That was what it was; your eyes fluttered shut and the moment his lips brushed yours to test the waters, you knew you tasted heaven.

You felt the shudder running through your body, but you couldn’t help it, unable to conceal the excitement mixed with nerves. Your palm found haven on his toned chest, an anchor to the ship raging on the sea of emotion that pulled you in, just as his lips explored yours more thoroughly, as if searching a haven of their own, finding it exactly where yours were. They sank in, thirsty for home, caressing and oh, oh so soft and warm, safe and wonderful.

He was the one to withdraw for some oxygen, reminding you that breathing, in fact, was a thing. Quite an essential thing. On instinct, you breathed in swiftly, but couldn’t help but kiss him again, only a tender brush of lips on lips, relishing in the sensation for only a fraction of second longer.

You forced your eyes open and your hand to slide to his waist, trying so hard to remember that you were, in fact, not alone. At all.

“Well… wow,” the interviewer breathed out, her chuckle carrying a pinch of surprise in it. “That’s what I call pure love. Thank you so much for coming here, Captain and future Mrs. Rogers.”

You wanted to say thank you for having us, but your brain was buzzing with million thoughts, still processing the sensation of Steve’s lips on yours and was epically failing, colours bursting inside instead, sending pleasant heat through your veins.

Luckily, Steve composed himself much faster and boy, wasn’t it saying something about your dynamics with each other.

“Thank you for having us, Laurel.”

Yeah, thanks, Laurel. Thanks to you, I reached the point of no return.

In other words; now I’m officially screwed.

Sam overestimated his time-managing skills, still finishing the stretching after his training when the interview started. For once, he was grateful for Tony’s need for extravagance, as every one of the Tower gyms offered a TV for Sam to watch while he wrapped it up.

At few times, he wasn’t able to tell whether he was groaning at his sore muscles or at the way his little sister and his best friend were sickeningly sweet on each other.

Seriously. He wouldn’t have questioned it if it they truly had been in a relationship (read: if they pulled their heads out of their asses and finally admitted how they felt about each other, for real), but the fact it was all pretend (not, except neither of them was aware of the other not pretending and Jesus, Sam’s head hurt) was worrying him.

The kiss was a case of its own.

Would they be able to walk out of that mess and stay friends, possibly more? Or would it drive a wedge between them forever, messy feelings and misunderstandings getting in the way?

He resumed watching on his phone as he made his way to the kitchen to fetch himself a glass of juice, but stopped at the door when he heard voices coming from the room and instantly knew what was the subject of the discussion.

“Well. I say the interview was alright, not perfect, but alright, almost cute like the two of them together, after all… but the kiss did look like their first time,” Tony stated, sighing in disappointment.

“It was their first time, what did you expect? You didn’t really think they would be practicing beforehand, right?” Natasha snorted and Sam couldn’t but agree.

This was Steve they were talking about. The man had done a fair share of changes to his believes as he found himself in the new millennium, but certain principles he stuck to, which was something Sam was immensely grateful for.

He was about to join the discussion with his own input, when he froze in his tracks at Tony’s next words.

“Good point. But hey, she made them finally smack their mouths together. I call that a win. She was a good choice, we’re geniuses.”

“Yep,” came Natasha’s reply and Sam heard the distinct sound of a high-five, only to see their hands still up when he stormed into the room.

For the moment, he ignored the creepy fact that the screen was frozen at the image of their lips locked together and glared at the two Avengers, irritated and hungry for answers.

“What the hell do you mean you’re geniuses?”

“Blyad'!” Natasha cursed, frowning as she spotted the look on Sam’s face and how his hands were balled into fists with enough force to nearly snap his phone in half.

Tony eyed Natasha, not sure what exactly she said and not quite caring; the sentiment behind the word was apparently clear enough to him as it was to Sam.

The expression on Tony’s face spoke a thousand of words; or perhaps only three: We are screwed.

Sam wholeheartedly agreed as he paced to the pair, fuming.

“Start. Talking,” he hissed, each word clipped, as he was staring them down, ignorant to the fact these were a billionaire and a former KGB assassin he was ordering around. “Like right now.”

Part 5

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