I am reading Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme edited by Ivan Coyote and Zena Sharman, and I keep having to stop after each chapter/essay to feel Emotions and Feelings. The essays are gorgeously written and vulnerable, and that is part of it, but I keep having gender Feelings as well.
Which is making me laugh and shake my head at myself a bit. It's annoying cuz I doubt any further revelations or realization or claiming of Gender with make much difference in how I love my life. But I still go through moments of 'am I (whatever) enough to claim this' 'is this feeling just me being whatever about what my AGAB or is it a genderqueer feeling?'
There isn't a real need for me to figure things out other than for my own self, and I don't know why I get worked up about it sometimes. I know on a logical level I can and should just let the journey of gender just flow along with life and figure things out as they go. But I also like to have answers, and so sometimes feeling that uncertainty makes me anxious.
At the end of the day, I just know that this book I am reading is wonderful and painful and beautiful, and in each essay, from a butch or from a femme, I find small fragments that I recognize from my own experience with life and queerness and gender. And that is always a comforting thing, having even that hint of community.
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i stay up late to be happy for a few more hours
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Artist miles, musicians gwen and hobie. I think Pav's artsy thing would be crafting/jewelry making/embroidery 🤷
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I ❤️ self-loathing characters, characters who struggle with monstrosity (either fearing or embracing it), characters who are so lonely, who have a gaping hole in their chest, who bottle up & repress their feelings, who claw their way up & have ambitions, who fall down & lose everything, who search for identity & purpose yet can’t see themselves outside of what others want from or expect of them, who are hurt & hurt others, who long & grieve, who lie & pretend. characters who are messy & flawed & human
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Percy, who had finally accepted to bear the burden of the great prophecy after agonizing over it for years only for everyone to repeatedly tell him in the final book that he's not the hero and its not about him:
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Estrogen should be free
Testosterone should be free
HRT treatment and consultation should be free
Bodily autonomy is a human right FFS
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