#I just love Tom's acting in this - so many articulate expressions on his face | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

delyth88 · 3 years

Text

Infinity stones scene breakdown

This scene has been on my mind since seeing the first episode of the Loki series. It’s just such a good scene, and does so many things, that I wanted to talk about it some more.

First up, Loki quietly enters the office. You can hear an old phone ring in the background. Loki pauses, shuts the door quietly, and then looks around hoping not to be noticed.

He spots Casey and goes over to him, and whispers “hey” to catch his attention. This is odd, because why would you attract the attention of the person you’re about to attack, but I think Loki doesn’t know enough about this place yet to be sure of where the tesseract might be. He’s probably assuming it’s been moved to some high security facility. But then Casey is oblivious to Loki’s sneaking and loudly, and it seems without much concern, says “hey” right back to him, “I know you, you’re that criminal with the blue box”.

This surprises Loki and he grabs Casey by the shoulders and pushes him down behind the desk, out of sight of the rest of the office. All while shushing him. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the shushing in Ragnarok.

We then get this odd exchange, where Loki first asks Casey what his name is. Casey is somewhat confused, but answers, and seems more annoyed than alarmed at this point.

Loki then glances around the room with this uncomfortable look on his face, before he musters up the... something... to threaten Casey - “Give me the tesseract or I’ll gut you like a fish, Casey!”

What’s going on here? He’s partly keeping an eye on his surroundings here in case one of the hunters arrives, and to make sure no-one is walking to close to hear him say what he knows is going to be somewhat louder than the previously whispered conversation. But we’ve seen Loki be quiet and calculating before, and this is not that. He looks very uncertain, and clearly uncomfortable. I think part of that is because he knows he doesn’t have access to his magic, and he knows these people are strong enough that he can’t easily overpower them physically, so this is a huge risk for him. Will Casey be cowed into doing what he asks? Is he threatening enough to him? Or will Casey shout out to the office for help?

This is also setting the scene for the later conversation with Mobius about not enjoying hurting people. Here we can see a dramatic change of expression and body language as he prepares for the threat. He gathers himself, takes a deep breath, and then focuses all his attention on Casey - getting in close and looking down on him.

Casey responds “What’s a fish”

Loki is completely thrown by this response, and flips right out of Threaten Mode - “How do you not know what a fish is?”

“Well I’ve lived my entire life behind a desk”

“Well, what difference does it make?”

“I want to know exactly what I’m being threatened with before I comply.”

“Death, Casey. Violent, painful death!” And now that they’re back on familiar ground Loki engages Threaten Mode again. But only briefly, because as soon as Casey stands up to open his cart Loki loses his intimidating look and goes back to looking fearfully around the office in case this conversation has attracted too much attention.

Casey opens the lid, and asks "This it?” as he hands it to Loki. Loki is still crouched on the ground and the drawer is at eye level. When he glances in the draw his focus is on the tesseract and he doesn’t see the rest of the contents. He takes the tesseract and sighs in relief, examining it for a moment.

Once he’s sure it’s the real thing he looks back down into the drawer...

...and sees the infinity stones.

He leans over and grabs the edge of the drawer and I love the sad little clunk that the collar control makes as it hits the metal edge of the drawer. What was a second ago the most important thing in Loki’s world - the tesseract, his means of escape, his way home, and the bargaining chip with Thanos - suddenly forgotten about.

“What?”

He says this in such a flat tone of voice. Carrying his confusion, disbelief, and that sense of well-today’s-been-full-of-ridiculous-things-against-me-so-why-not-another-one.

“Infinity stones?”

He puts down the control for the time collar and his hand just hovers over them. I love how this just shows how unprepared he was for this. He’s not immediately scooping up an handful, he’s shocked and processing, and thinking about why they would be so casually stored in this unprotected drawer. And why there would be so many of them.

This is where the music picks up, having been unnoticeable up till this. A kind of eerie wail that seems very appropriate, and also appropriately mystical for these items of such extraordinary power.

And then I think this is the moment when he realises that whatever is going on here, that if a handful of infinity stones are just thrown in a junk drawer, then any hope he had of escaping through using the tesseract is gone.

“H-, how..., how do you have these?” He’s temporarily at a loss for words, and his voice is so low and flat, no inflection at all. No plan. No hope at all. This is the moment when reality sinks in, that there’s no alternative but to do what he’s told (for the meanwhile at least). This is the moment that leads him to voluntarily go back to the Time Theatre and wait for Mobius. He turns to Casey for an answer, but his tone of voice says he’s not expecting good news.

“Oh, we actually get a lot of those. Some of the guys use them as paperweights.”

Loki looks back in the drawer and he almost looks like he wants to cry or shout in frustration and confusion. That feeling when everything’s against you and there’s nothing you can do about it. He picks up one of the time stones to examine.

The slightly sad music of the TVA starts playing as he drops the time stone back in the draw, a little bit angry at them for existing, and deeply disappointed.

He looks up from the drawer and around the office, but this time actually paying attention to what he sees. Re-evaluating these dull office workers. The music picks up here with the strings joining in.

All the while Casey is just watching. He might not understand this significance of what just happened, but he clearly no longer feels in any danger from this weird prisoner. He closes the lid of the drawer and then follows Loki.

Loki has clearly forgotten about Casey. He has bigger things to think about. He stands up and wanders out into the middle of the office, not concerned about any of the staff worrying about him. Feeling every bit of his insignificance at this moment.

He wanders over to the screen showing the sacred timeline. No-one takes any notice of him.

And I love the look on his face here, though I don’t have quite the right words to describe it. You can see that he’s been devastated by what he’s just seen, and he now has to build himself up from the ground. There’s a sort of grief here too, for his world that has completely changed, and possibly a little sliver of hope, or recognition of potential opportunity, but at a scale that he’s not even sure how to engage with just yet.

And I think he’s thinking if this is true, then what of the things Mobius said might also be true. If they can have multiple infinity stones lying around then perhaps the future he showed wasn’t a lie. He realises there’s no point in fighting anymore and I think if Hunter B-15 didn’t walk in the very next moment he probably would have just wandered back to the Time Theatre to find Mobius to answer all his questions.

I love Casey’s little head bob of acknowledgement that Loki’s right - this is the greatest power in the universe.

#I just love Tom's acting in this - so many articulate expressions on his face #and my heart goes out to loki - his entire world has been turned upside down #he's completely unmoored #it's fascinating #loki #loki series #loki episode 1 #spoilers #loki show #loki tv show

226 notes · View notes

sk1fanfiction · 3 years

Text

the many faces of tom riddle, part 2

-you dislike frank dillane’s portrayal of tom riddle only because you don’t think he’s attractive-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION (and this time, featuring a bit of armchair child psych from a student).

Wait, don’t clutch your pearls just yet. Compose yourself.

I am about to explain why it’s not actually that bad, and Dillane’s portrayal is vastly underappreciated.

I definitely agree that his portrayal comes off as ‘creepier’. It’s not helped by the stylistic decisions in the scene -- the smeary, green filter gives the scene a sinister quality.

Even Slughorn looks suspect here, which is somewhat appropriate, given that he is complicit in this crime.

Again, this scene is very much intended to be slightly off.

You’ll notice (and I’ll discuss this again when I talk about Coulson’s portrayal) that Dillane is almost always shot from at least slightly below, which makes the lower third of his face look bigger (and thus more menacing). The lighting also makes his eyes glow in a really unnatural way. There’s an echo-y effect to make his voice (and not Slughorn’s) sound unnerving.

People talk about how Coulson would have looked in this scene, and if he was filmed in the same way (monotone, smeary/shadowy filter, and always from below), he’d look a bit creepy, too.

But all of this, imo, is for a pretty good reason. Slughorn isn’t the POV character. Harry is. Harry is learning about how a young Lord Voldemort wheedled the secret of Horcruxes out of an unsuspecting teacher. Unlike in COS, he expects Riddle to be evil. And, so, Harry’s new perception of Tom Riddle literally colors how we perceive him.

Take this shot, for example: he does that head-tilt thing that Coulson does, and it’s actually... kind of... cute???

Imagine Dillane filmed from slightly above, like Coulson usually is, and it looks even more innocent. (I mean, come on, he does not look like he’s killed four people, does he?) It’s not hard to imagine teachers being taken in by this kind of act.

Even that little smirk he does when the camera (aka, Harry’s gaze) pans in, is for Harry’s benefit. No one else noticed that.

However, I still fail to find this creepy, like, at all. Yes, it’s a fake smile, but he’s portraying a different side of Tom Riddle to Coulson. Whereas, in COS, he’s in his vindictive, murderous element, where he’s free to express himself, in this scene, Tom Riddle is doing what he does best -- manipulating and managing appearances.

This entire scene is an act. And because Harry knows it’s an act, it should look a bit stilted.

From the Hepzibah Smith scene in the books: Voldemort smiled mechanically and Hepzibah simpered.

So, Harry is pretty adept at parsing Tom’s fake expressions.

But just look at the expressiveness in his face: he goes from brooding, he blinks, and his entire face changes to this charming (fake) smile.

At the risk of sounding elitist, I’m a bit tired of seeing the word ‘psychopath’, which is not an actual medical diagnosis recognised by any psychological or psychiatric institution, being tossed about, especially with reference to Tom Riddle (and from a neuroscience perspective, it’s doubly annoying). There’s no such thing as ‘insanity’ or ‘psychopathy’ or being ‘crazy.’

-although I use it too a shorthand in conversation to distinguish ‘canon’ Tom from his ‘softer’ OOC counterparts, I really shouldn’t-

Unfortunately, I’ve seen the ‘psychopath’ comment used time-and-time again as an excuse or a full explanation of ‘why Tom Riddle went evil’ (JKR in fact, has made a weird comment in an interview, basically saying that ‘psychopaths can’t be redeemed or learn adaptive coping skills’ or whatever), which really just goes to show the lack of understanding and compassion when personality disorders, especially, are concerned.

But what I like most about the opening of this scene, actually, is that first, listless expression. And this is where we get slightly into headcanon, but Tom Riddle is the opposite of a happy, mentally healthy teenager. By Dumbledore’s own admission, he has no real friends. He has no parental figures, no real attachments. Yes, he might derive some pride or enjoyment from being good at magic and top of his class and all that, but I really don’t think even Tom finds that truly fulfilling. There is nothing that makes him happy.

In fact, although some might perceive it as ‘creepy’, I think that listless expression is an accurate window into Tom’s psyche.

I know people aren’t big on Freud, but I think that he does make some interesting points (also, cut the guy some slack for being relatively open-minded for the Victorian Era, and inventing psychoanalysis and while yes he did say some sexist stuff, good luck finding a field of science that isn’t male-focused and makes crazy generalizations about women, especially back in the day) about the possible origins of thanatophobia, the fear of death.

According to Freud, thanatophobia is a disguise for a deeper source of concern -- he did not believe that people were capable of conceptualizing their own death to that extent. Instead, he believed that this phobia was caused by unresolved childhood conflicts that the sufferer cannot come to terms with or express emotion towards.

Now, I know Freud almost always attributes mental distress to childhood experiences, but I think in this case, it really has some merit.

According to attachment theory, the basis of how we form attachments in adulthood is dictated by learning it from experiences with caregivers in the first two years of life. We know Tom was born in an orphanage, and that he didn’t cry much as a baby, and subsequently, probably received very little attention. Compounded with possible genetic factors and his caregivers being afraid or wary of his magical abilities, he later struggled to form attachments because of this -- I would actually go so far as to say that by the time Dumbledore meets him, Tom Riddle is severely depressed.

And that flat affect and anhedonia, I think, comes over very well in Dillane’s portrayal. There’s kind of this resignation -- a very deep sadness and loneliness to his character.

Of course, he doesn’t derive any comfort or fulfillment from human interaction, because (to borrow the description from the Wikipedia article on ‘Reactive attachment disorder’, which Tom meets all the criteria for) he has a “grossly disturbed internal working model of relationships.” In other words, he is unresponsive to all offers of attachment because of this unacknowledged trauma.

(You could arguably class Tom as having an avoidant attachment style, but I think in his case the trauma and its effect on him are severe enough to call it disordered.)

RAD isn’t particularly well-characterized (especially neurologically) and quite new in the literature, but here are some links if anyone is interested in doing a bit of digging: Link 1 | Link 2 | Paper 1 | Paper 2

And, instead of trying to resolve this conflict in a healthy way, or at least recognize that this is why he can’t be happy and try to learn how to cope from there, he (a) represses the desire for human attachment and (b) funnels that negative emotion into being the fault of Death, the Grim Reaper (again, to borrow Freudian terms).

And we all know how that turned out...

(And now, this should go without saying, but psychoanalyzing fictional characters has nothing to do with assigning a morality to mental disorders. Mental illness is neither a cause nor an excuse for criminal behavior -- in the same way that the cycle of violence is a phenomenon, not an excuse. Tom Riddle did not become a genocidal murderer because, in common parlance, he was a ‘psychopath’ -- he was not necessarily ‘predisposed’ to evil and could just as easily chosen to not follow the path that he did -- instead, he willingly made poor choices. This is a descriptive analysis, not a justification -- a ‘how’, not a ‘why’)

Here’s a Carl Jung quote that articulates it better:

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Yes, he’s a bit stiff (and a lot more formal than in COS during his *conversation* with Harry). But, and here comes the controversial bit, this is appropriate for a portrayal of a schoolboy in the 1940s. The upright posture is accurate -- respectful, polite -- everything Tom Riddle would have been expected to be (and even Coulson, in that scene with Dumbledore in COS, is quite stiff). Even the way he looks at Slughorn and maintains eye contact is very *respectful.*

And, Dillane (I think he’s seventeen or eighteen here) actually looks like a believable sixteen-year-old. I’m sorry, I love Coulson’s portrayal as well, but he looks around nineteen in COS; so in HBP, he probably would have looked at least twenty-two or so. (Sorry, not sorry).

This may be influenced by my own interpretation of the character (because I imagine Tom always looks young for his age, and Dillane fits that archetype, but I don’t think that’s very popular), but I think young Tom Riddle is supposed to be *cute* and a bit stiff/shy/awkward (being charming and awkward is very much possible), if you consider the way Dippet and Slughorn treat him.

To support this, he says very few words to Hepzibah Smith (in the book, that scene’s not in the movie), and is very... bashful and coy during the whole interaction? I think yes, he’s charismatic, but he’s not loud, suave, openly flirtatious or particularly verbose. Tom Riddle should have a quiet magnetism, and to me, that came across in Dillane’s portrayal.

"I'd be glad to see anything Miss Hepzibah shows me," said Voldemort quietly, and Hepzibah gave another girlish giggle.

...

"Are you all right, dear?"

"Oh yes," said Voldemort quietly. "Yes, I'm very well. ..."

Even the ‘ugly, greedy look’ described in the books, when Slughorn starts spilling his secrets, is there. This is how he’s supposed to look! Slughorn glimpses it, but doesn’t understand its significance. Harry does.

“Slughorn looked deeply troubled now: He was gazing at Riddle as though he had never seen him plainly before, and Harry could tell that he was regretting entering into the conversation at all.”

Remember the context of this moment, as well: He’s just discovered how to create multiple Horcruxes. Excuse him for looking a bit creepy (if not now, then when?).

Here’s two direct quotes of Harry’s impression of Tom Riddle in that scene:

“But Riddle's hunger was now apparent; his expression was greedy, he could no longer hide his longing.”

“Harry had glimpsed his face, which was full of that same wild happiness it had worn when he had first found out that he was a wizard, the sort of happiness that did not enhance his handsome features, but made them, somehow, less human. . . .”

Tom Riddle’s Horcruxes are a direct metaphor for his refusal to allow himself to heal from his trauma -- instead, he continues to inflict destruction on himself and others.

His desire to continue creating more Horcruxes sort of resounds with the fact that self-harm can also become a compulsion.

I’d also like to digress a bit to discuss the Gaunt Ring, while we’re at it. While we’ve talked about his attachment issues in general, this discussion is particularly pertinent to father figures. And while Tom’s attachment issues are extensive, I think there’s ample evidence that as a child, he craved acknowledgement and acceptance from a father figure -- the man who gave him the only thing Tom truly owned -- his name. He would have had a vaguely defined mother figure in Mrs. Cole, perhaps.

"You see that house upon the hillside, Potter? My father lived there. My mother, a witch who lived here in this village, fell in love with him. But he abandoned her when she told him what she was.... He didn’t like magic, my father ... He left her and returned to his Muggle parents before I was even born, Potter, and she died giving birth to me, leaving me to be raised in a Muggle orphanage ... but I vowed to find him ... I revenged myself upon him, that fool who gave me his name ... Tom Riddle. ..."

We know that by June of 1943 (COS flashback) Tom has already uncovered the truth of his parentage; he knows he is the Heir of Slytherin via the Gaunt line, and he describes himself to Dippet as ‘Half-blood, sir. Witch mother, Muggle father.’

In Part 1, I discussed the high probability that as a presumed ‘Mudblood’, Tom Riddle was treated rather poorly in Slytherin House. But by this scene in the fall of 1943, he is surrounded by a group of adoring hangers-on. Why?

In my opinion; the Gaunt Ring. We know that Tom stopped wearing it after school, so its sentimental value couldn’t have been that great. We know he likes to collect objects (which I believe stems from his attachment issues -- he seeks comfort in things instead of other people).

Signet rings (such as the one belonging to Tutankhamun seen above) were used to stamp legal documents and such, in order to certify someone’s identify -- like an e-certificate, if you will. Like Tutankhamun’s ring, the Gaunt Ring bears an identifying symbol -- Marvolo Gaunt tells us proudly that it bears the Peverell family crest.

By the Middle Ages, anyone of influence, including the nobility, wore a signet ring. Rings in antiquity were auspicious -- they signified power, legitimacy, and authority. And so, I believe that all the Sacred Twenty-Eight families would have worn these, too.

And so, bearing the Gaunt Ring would have established Tom Riddle, symbolically and in the eyes of the Sacred Twenty-Eight (his future supporters and followers), as the legitimate heir to the House of Gaunt. This is why, I believe, Tom coveted the ring as soon as he saw it -- not just because it was a family heirloom, and not just because he thought it was a pretty toy for his collection.

(He curses it so that no one else but him can wear the Gaunt Ring safely.)

This is why, to make the legitimization literal as well as symbolic, Tom murders his father and grandparents. It’s not just an act of vindictive, murderous rage due to his perception of being rejected by his father (although it is that, too). And so, Tom, abandoning his search for a father figure (and possibly also giving up on the possibility to allow himself to heal from his own personal trauma rather than continue to inflict it on others), ‘cleanses’ his bloodline, to make himself truly legitimate. It’s rather telling that instead of affirming his legitimacy as a Riddle, which would have put him in line for a nice inheritance, and hey -- money is money -- (thus accepting his half-blood status), he simply kills them all. He has done all the murdering he needs to become immortal (and he hasn’t had the discussion about multiple Horcruxes yet); but yet, he does it again. Frightening stuff.

(Just look how the others look at Tom. All but the one to his left -- possibly Nott, Rosier, or Mulciber -- have their torsos turned towards him. Their attention is on him, while he knowingly regards the viewer/Harry. Tom seems a little uncomfortable with the attention.).

“And there were the half-dozen teenage boys sitting around Slughorn with Tom Riddle in the midst of them, Marvolo's gold-and-black ring gleaming on his finger.”

...

“Riddle smiled; the other boys laughed and cast him admiring looks.”

...

“Tom Riddle merely smiled as the others laughed again. Harry noticed that he was by no means the eldest of the group of boys, but that they all seemed to look to him as their leader.”

The ‘gang’ are true hangers-on; Tom doesn’t seem to pay them much attention.

So, if not via careful flattery or charisma, the attraction must be status.

And perhaps yet more telling...

"I don't know that politics would suit me, sir," he said when the laughter had died away. "I don't have the right kind of background, for one thing." “A couple of the boys around him smirked at each other. Harry was sure they were enjoying a private joke, undoubtedly about what they knew, or suspected, regarding their gang leader's famous ancestor.”

That, in my opinion, is as good as we’re going to get as proof that Tom’s shiny new signet ring (and by extension, his new status) made a big impression on his fellow students.

So, when he returns to Hogwarts, he is ‘pureblood’. He is cleansed of his Muggle roots, and becomes the legitimate heir of the House of Gaunt, now well on his way to becoming Lord Voldemort...

Watch the scene again, with a critical eye, and imagine Slughorn’s perspective, instead of Harry’s. There’s nothing creepy about Tom Riddle... unless you know what he is...

Strip away all the effects of Harry’s gaze (and notice, here he’s still looking at Harry), and he’s quite the charmer, actually.

(I will concede that I don’t like the promotional images where they have him looking like he’s up to no good. And I do wish he blinked once in a while.)

My challenge to you: Rewatch the scene with an open mind, and let me know if you agree that Dillane’s portrayal comes off as depressive rather than ‘creepy.’ And if not, why do you dislike his portrayal?

#tom riddle #character analysis #character study #the many faces of #tom marvolo riddle #frank dillane #i literally could not find any pictures other than these #literal crumbs i swear #i know this is unpopular #people really dislike him i guess #watch the scene again with an open mind i promise you'll like it #i seriously do think he did a good job #tw: mention of child abuse #tw: mention of self-harm #i'm not trying to oversimplify things but you can't deny that maybe if tom was hugged as a child it would have helped #say it with me: psychopathy is not an actual medical diagnosis #it's actual more of a legal/criminal justice term #and people just use it as a synonym for 'evil' at this point so the original meaning is pretty much obscured #and personality disorders should not be moralized #people with personality disorders are not 'evil'

89 notes · View notes

itsclydebitches · 5 years

Text

It Chapter Two: Aged-Up Protagonists and the Umbridge Effect

Writing reviews, metas, and the like is a lot about timing. If you don’t craft your writing in the immediate aftermath of your source’s release, someone else will beat you to it and, chances are, your audience will be less enthused about reading the same arguments weeks later. (Admittedly, that’s up for debate. I for one am happy to read about the same shit for years on end.) Thus, when I didn’t have the time or the mental energy to write about It: Chapter Two immediately after seeing it in theaters, I knew within a few days that I’d lost a lot of ground. Fans and critics alike have already spoken about the film’s major draws, namely the update on Richie’s sexuality and the canonizing of a beloved, thirty-year-old ship. We’ve also covered the issues that arose out of those positives. In 2019, is it necessary to show a hate crime in such violent detail? By giving us queer characters, have Muschietti and King unintentionally fallen into the trap of treating them badly? One is dead and the other mourns while the straight couple passionately kiss beneath the lake. Faithful adaptation vs. modern activism is a tricky balance to strike. I could rehash all those arguments here, but why bother? They’ve been articulated better by others already. Besides, falling behind means that I now have the space to discuss something just as important to me.

The Losers’ ages.

Now, I’m not sure if you all have noticed, but fantasy adventures aren’t really geared towards adults. That is to say, stories often contain adult content, but that’s not the same thing as putting adults at the center of the narrative. I’ve experienced a niggling sense of displeasure that’s grown stronger with each passing year and it took until my mid-twenties to figure out what it was: I am no longer the hero of many of my favorite stories. Because I’ve grown up. Harry Potter is concerned primarily with the trials and tribulations of characters between the ages of eleven and eighteen. If we return to that world---such as through a certain cursed play---the focus must shift to the new, shiny generation. Anyone who falls through a wardrobe is bound to be a child and if they dare grow up? They’re no longer allowed access to such a fantastic place. Kids are the ones who find the Hundred Acre Woods, or fall down rabbit holes, get daemons, battle Other Mothers when the world gets flipped, or head off onto all sorts of elementary and high school adventures. Sometimes, even those who are adults mistakenly get caught up in this trend. Frodo might be in his fifties, but as a small, kindly hobbit he comes across as younger than the rest of the Fellowship. Since the release of Jackson’s trilogy I’ve corrected more than one new fan who assumed (somewhat logically) that he is in his early twenties, max. It’s an easy mistake to make when we’ve grown accustomed to children and young adults taking center stage in so many fantastic, high-profile adventures.

Of course, there are plenty of counters to this feeling. Just look at Game of Thrones. Though we see much of the story through younger perspectives---such as the Stark siblings---the vast majority of the cast is made up of adults, playing just as pivotal a role as the up-and-comers. Fantasy, Science Fiction, and other speculative story-lines are by no means solely in the hands of minors, yet I think it’s also worth acknowledging that a good majority of those stories do shape our media landscape. Or, if they’re not strictly minors, they’re characters who embody a sort of static young adulthood, the Winchesters and the Shadowhunters and all the television superheroes who might gesture towards markers of adulthood---we have long term relationships, hold down jobs, can impersonate FBI agents without anyone batting an eye---yet are still able to maintain a nebulous form of youth. They all (try to) look and act as if they’re right out of college. The standards of film and television demand that actors appear twenty-years-old even when they’re pushing forty, and the standards of much literature insists that twenty is simply too old for an adventure, period. I can still clearly recall two moments of shock (later agreed upon by my friends) when I encountered unexpectedly older protagonists in genre fiction: the realization that Sophie actually spends the majority of Howl’s Moving Castle as a very old woman and that The Magicians takes place in graduate school. “Wow,” I remember thinking. “When’s the last time that happened?”

What does all this have to do with It: Chapter Two? I don’t have any big twist for you here. It was just really refreshing to see such a fantastical story where our cast is all forty or older. Seriously, can we take a moment to appreciate exactly how much King undermined expectations there? The first half of the novel is structured precisely how we assume it ‘should’ be. There’s a mysterious threat, there are children caught up in the middle of it, and ultimately only they are capable of saving the day. We know this story. We even have the characterization of the town itself to reinforce this structure, a place so warped by evil that only the very young with their open-mindedness and imagination are capable of seeing Derry for what it truly is, illustrated beautifully in the film by Mr. Marsh straight up not noticing a whole room full of blood.

Though they’re It’s prey, children are also the only ones who have any potential power over him. You have to be able to acknowledge a problem in order to fix it and King could have easily ended his story at the first chapter alone, with the group somehow managing to defeat Pennywise for good the first time they set foot in the sewers. A part of me is still shocked he didn’t, if only because the young savior as an archetype was embedded within Western culture far earlier than It’s 1986 publication. From Carrie to The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, Pet Sematary to Firestarter, King is no stranger to putting children at the center of fantastic tales. Yet he’s also given us numerous adult protagonists, managing to find an enjoyable balance between the two, both within individual novels and his entire corpus. It represents that balance, not just imagining a story where seven (yes, I’m counting Stan) middle-age adults manage to finally save their town, but actually setting up a twenty-seven year jump to allow for that. It's the best of both worlds, exploring the difficulties inherent in both childhood and adulthood, arguing that we need each---that imagination and that experience---if we hope to come out alive.

While watching It: Chapter Two I took note of how many people laughed throughout the film, and not just at the moments set up to be funny (looking at you, Richie). Rather, the film that two years ago had scared the pants off of movie-goers now entertained them in a much more relaxed manner. No one was hiding behind their popcorn; there were no shrieks of fright. I’ve seen more than one reviewer express displeasure at this change. What the hell happened? Isn’t an It film supposed to be scary? Well, yes and no. I think what a lot of people miss is how providing us with an adult cast inherently changes the way fear manifests, both literally in the case of Pennywise’s illusions and thematically in regards to the film itself. This sloppy bitch, as established, preys on children. His tricks have the illogical, fantastical veneer that reflect how children see the world: you’re scared of women with horrifically elongated faces, zombie-like lepers, and hungry mummies. They’re literal monsters emerging out from under the bed. Of course, as adults watching the story we’re easily able to see how these monsters represent much deeper, intangible fears: growing up and disappointing your father, falling ill like your mother always claims you will (to say nothing of contracting AIDS in connection with a budding queer identity), and the danger that comes with being alone and ostracized. Sometimes It: Chapter One gestures more firmly towards those underlying fears---such as the burnt hands reaching for Mike when we know his family died in a fire---but only once does it make the real horror overt, when Pennywise takes Mr. Marsh’s face and asks Bev if she's still his little girl.

Outside of pedophilia and sexual abuse, Chapter One’s real horror is mostly coded, symbolic, left up to (admittedly rather obvious at times) interpretation. It’s just under the surface and we’re meant to be distracted by the fact that, allegorical or not, there’s still a very creepy thing hunting our protagonists from the shadows. For two hours we take on a child’s perspective, biting our nails at all the things we once imagined hid inside our closets. We’re scared because they’re scared.

That mindset irrevocably changes once your group grows up. Forty-year-olds simply don’t freak out in the same way a bunch of thirteen-year-olds would, especially now that they know precisely what’s happening and have the mental fortitude to combat it. At least to an extent. Chapter Two isn’t as traditionally scary for the simple reason that the film now acknowledges what all adults eventually must: there’s nothing in the closet, there’s nothing hiding under your bed. Or if there is, it’s something tangible that can be handled with a calm(ish) demeanor and a well-placed ax. An adult might scream when something jumps out at them, but they’re not as inclined to cower. Adults might still be scared, but they’re better able to push that fear aside in order to take action. The group first reached that point in the sewers--- “Welcome to the Losers’ club, asshole!”---and now fully embodies that mindset with nearly three decades of growth and experience to draw on. This is why Ben investigating the library as a teen reads as teeth-chatteringly scary, but Ben and Bill as adults investigating the skateboard produces only a comment about how they're getting used to this nonsense. They know, and we as the audience know, what the real threat is and whether or not we need to shield our eyes when something starts clunking its way down the stairs.

All of which isn’t to say that Chapter Two isn’t scary. It’s simply scary in a much more realistic manner, killer clowns and Native American rituals aside. The fears have been aged-up along with the cast, stripping away the child-like fantasies that made us wet our pants in Chapter One. What’s the scariest moment outside of the jump scares? When two men and a kid beat a gay man and then chuck him in the river to drown. You’ll note that, unlike in the first film, Pennywise doesn’t actually have to do much work here. Seasoning people up with fear? The rest of the world is doing that for him. That first scene detailing a truly horrific hate crime (which, by the way, is based off of true events) results in a meal delivered straight to Pennywise’s arms. It’s people who targeted that couple, beat one of them within an inch of his life, and then tossed him over a bridge, bleeding and shrieking for help. All Pennywise had to do was scoop him from the water and take that first bite. He’s incidental to the film’s most cringe-worthy scene. We can argue all we want about how it’s Pennywise’s influence that “makes” the town this way, but any queer viewer knows that's simply not the case. In 2019 we're still living this horror, no Pennywise required.

Likewise, the two children we see murdered are much more overtly grappling with fears that have nothing to do with fantastical monsters. Dean, the little boy Bill tries to save in lieu of Georgie, is rightly petrified because a seemingly crazy adult is now stalking him. We as the audience know that Bill is just trying to help----that he’s not the real danger here----but that’s not the perspective this kid has, nor is it the issue the film is grappling with. We first see him approaching an idol of his, Richie, and instead of an enjoyable experience he winds up getting yelled at. The It films are only tangentially interested in the status of fans and their relationship with celebrities, but we know it’s a common theme for King’s work overall. Look at Misery and look at this cameo: a disenchanted fan of the 21st century, criticizing a writer’s novel and leveraging him for money. “You can afford it,” he tells Bill, swindling him simply because he can. The context of this little boy as a fan and Richie as the older, bigger, larger-than-life comedian adds another layer to the interaction. It’s not just an adult verbally attacking a child, it’s an adult this kid worshiped enough to recognize and quote his material from memory. Who easily walks away from that?

This little boy then finds Bill shrieking at a sewer opening, is manhandled by him, and told in the scariest way possible, born of Bill’s own fear, that he has to get out of dodge, fast. There are scary things out there, Dean freely admits that he’s heard kids’ voices coming from the tub drain, but right now the scariest thing is how badly the adults in his life are failing him: parents (from what little we can gather) are distant, his comedic idol is mean, and now this stranger is traumatizing him in the middle of the street. Once again, it’s easy to see how Pennywise isn’t needed to sow fear or even enact cruelty; he’s not a requirement for horrible things in the world, he’s merely their reflection. We see the same setup with the little girl under the bleachers. That scene demonstrates precisely how not scary Pennywise is. Here’s this child putting aside her discomfort over his looks and agreeing to be his friend. What’s worse than a clown with a creepy expression? The knowledge that all the other kids have already rejected you because of a birthmark on your face. Bullying is the far greater threat and one we’re 100% more likely to deal with in our lives than a killer clown, so the second film re-frames Pennywise to better acknowledge this. He’s scary because things like bullying and neglect exist to give him an easy in. He’s even scary because in this moment, hiding under the bleachers, manipulating this little girl, he’s fully embodying a child predator. Chapter One was a primal, “There’s a monster hiding in the shadows” kind of fear. Chapter Two is a, “We’re all going to die from climate change” kind of fear. Logical and largely inescapable. Characters like Richie don't need Pennywise to take some fantastic form to scare him. Homophobia has already done all the work.

Ultimately, I think of this as the Umbridge Effect. Who’s the most hated character in the Harry Potter franchise? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not the Dark Lord responsible for two wars, attempted genocide, and the death of our title character.

We despise Umbridge because she’s real. She’s relatable. She’s grounded in a way that Voldemort could never hope to be. We have no fear that an all-powerful sorcerer is suddenly going to come out of the woodwork and attempt to enslave and/or eradicate everyone without magic. That’s just not on our list of things to worry about. A corrupt politician, however? An instructor who uses her power to emotionally and physically torture students, getting away with it because of a cutesy, hyper-feminine persona? We’ve seen stuff like that. We’ve lived it. Umbridge represents all the real wrongs in the world when it comes to bigotry and privilege. Therefore we hate her---we fear her---in a way we could never hate or fear Voldemort. Now, in It: Chapter Two, Pennywise is the new Voldemort. Is an alien clown with an unhinged jaw and three rows of teeth technically scary? Sure, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the real problems that plague the cast: abuse, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, the fear that someone will hurt or outright kill you over some part of your identity. These are things we continue to fear long after the credits roll and the lights come up, and they’re now barely coded in the story:

It occurred to me halfway through my viewing that the people laughing at the characters’ new plights were the same ones who didn’t flinch when a gay man’s head cracked into the pavement. I had both hands over my mouth during that scene and I wasn’t snickering whenever Eddie had a panic attack, or Ben’s self-confidence took a hit. Because those moments, like our opening, hit pretty close to home for me; I didn’t find them embarrassingly humorous in the way much of my theater did. So many reviews in the last two months have insisted that Chapter Two isn't scary, but I think that depends entirely on whether or not you're struggling with these now explicit threats. We're not dealing with mummies and creepy portraits anymore. Instead, tell me how you feel about holding your partner's hand in public. Do certain memories make you vomit? Or freeze? Consider heading upstairs to the bath? The horror is dependent on how the audience views Bill's stutter coming back, or the bruises on Bev's arms.

The cast grew up. It’s a fantastic twist. It also means that the horror needed to grow up with them, resulting in a film that could no longer function as a simple, scary clown movie. Our ending reminds us of that. When did people laugh the loudest? When the Losers’ club was bullying Pennywise into something vulnerable. And yeah, I get it. It’s a cheesy moment that we feel the need to laugh at because it’s just so unexpected. Awkward, even. Since when are badass horror monsters defeated with a bit of backyard peer pressure straight out of middle school? If this were any other story, Pennywise would have been defeated by Eddie’s poker. The most scared member of the group finally finds his courage! He has faith that this simple object can kill monsters! He throws it in a perfect arc, splitting the deadlights in two! That’s a heroic ending. Something epic and fantastical, relying on the idea that the Good Guys will win simply because they believe in themselves... but that’s not how the real world works. That ending is a child’s fantasy. Sometimes you do the heroic thing and end up dying anyway. Which isn’t to say that the heroic thing is useless. It saves Richie’s life. It’s just that a single act can’t cure all our ills in the way that storybooks often claim they can.

How then does an adult deal with huge, intangible problems like bigotry and mental illness---the things Pennywise now fully represents? By saying “Fuck you” to those things again and again with all the support you can possibly wrangle up at your side. You refuse to let those issues control you; you drag those child-like representations into the light and remind yourself just how small they really are. We don’t get to beat something like depression by spearing it with a fire poker in some overblown finale. If we did, we’d all be having a much better time. All you can do is band together with friends and scream that you’re not going to let your fears define you anymore. Pennywise is a symptom of all the true horrors in the world. Sadly, you can’t beat those with a baseball bat. But you can acknowledge the heart of the issue, literally in the case of five friends squeezing until that one symptom, at least, is gone.

Image Credit

#1:https://www.screengeek.net/2018/07/10/it-chapter-2-character-mashups/

#2:https://earlybirdbooks.com/the-re-read-the-lion-the-witch-and-the-wardrobe

#3:https://www.vox.com/culture/2019/7/4/19413771/stranger-things-season-3-review-recap-hopper-elevenrussians

#4:https://comicbook.com/movies/2019/08/08/harry-potter-movies-review-10-years-late-snape-dumbledore-franchise/

#5:https://www.denofgeek.com/us/tv/netflix/277257/give-the-dragon-prince-a-chance

#6:https://www.forbes.com/sites/lindamaleh/2019/04/23/she-ra-and-the-princesses-of-power-season-2-review/#ec7022c42953

#7:https://www.commonsensemedia.org/tv-reviews/avatar-the-last-airbender

#8:https://www.newsweek.com/buffy-vampire-slayer-turns-20-charisma-carpenter-shows-enduring-legacy-and-566123

#9:http://theinspirationroom.com/daily/2009/alice-in-wonderland-the-movie/

#10:https://www.hindustantimes.com/tv/game-of-thrones-this-edited-out-scene-between-bran-and-sansa-reveals-so-much-about-finale/story-qFDHflH2dO6Kcki1wgsEyM.html

#11:https://www.cinemablend.com/new/Why-Ender-Game-Best-Possible-Adaptation-Book-40110.html

#12:https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/supernatural-end-season-15-cw-1196579

#13:https://www.slashfilm.com/it-chapter-two-scene/

#14:https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/9/12/16286316/it-cleaning-up-blood-scene-feminism

#15:http://www.allocine.fr/film/fichefilm-208633/photos/detail/?cmediafile=21647122

#16:https://stanleyyuris.tumblr.com/post/188300897715/chaotic-losers

#17:https://whatculture.com/film/it-chapter-2-every-character-ranked-worst-to-best?page=3

#18:https://www.reddit.com/r/harrypotter/comments/7uhrkz/the_most_hated_character/

#19:https://9gag.com/gag/am2X2Z4?ref=pn.mw

#20:https://screenrant.com/harry-potter-hated-characters-unpopular-worst-ranked/quickview/17

GIFs1-5:https://the-pretty-poisons.tumblr.com/post/188344826978/why-is-everyone-looking-at-me-\like-this

#It #It Chapter 2 #It Chapter Two #It Chapter Two Spoilers #reddie #mymetas

70 notes · View notes

winterisakillerwrites · 4 years

Text

Love & Great Buildings - Chapter Ten

Chapter: 10/19

Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/Rosemary Mathews (OFC)

Genre: Romance/Angst

Summary: Three years have passed and a chance encounter brings Tom and Rosie together again. Can time make any difference or are they doomed to repeat their mistakes.

Rating: M

Author’s Notes/Warnings: This is part nine of Last Minutes & Lost Evenings. Many thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for listening to me ramble incessantly about this story and being a sounding board when I needed it. You are a lifesaver, even if your stories break my heart.

CHAPTER TEN

A sinking sense of dread churned in her stomach as she stood, staring at Tom as he jostled himself from foot to foot in the hallway. ‘We need to talk.’ The words echoed in her mind. Good things rarely followed such a declaration; that was something Rosemary knew with a sick certainty. After several minutes staring in stunned apprehension, Rosemary gathered herself enough to nod silently at Tom and stood aside to allow him to enter the flat. He silently slid past her and into the small entrance way and she, in turn, silently closed the door behind him, trying desperately to gather hold of her fraying nerves.

Tom took several long paces around the living room before turning to face Rosemary, his breathing even though the tension was rolling off of him in waves. She couldn’t force herself to meet his gaze, though she could feel his penetrating her. Whatever he had come to tell her, and her gut told her that with the way he was acting it couldn’t be good, he seemed to be both hesitant and determined to do so. And, equally, she knew with a stunning clarity that she absolutely did not want to hear it.

“Rosie.” She jerked her head up at the sound of her name on his lips. She knew she must look a sight; her eyes reddened, face drawn and anxious. God, what he must think of her. “Don’t…It’s not…” He paused, breathing deeply and ran a hand shakily through his hair. “Can we sit?”

She nodded mutely and settled herself on the edge of the couch, back straight and shoulders tense. Her eyes following him as he settled himself on the opposite end. He stretched his long legs out before him, rubbing his hands absently on the tops of his thighs.

“First off,” he started again, clasping his hands together in his lap. “I wanted to apologize for earlier.” He must have caught the look of confusion that had spread across her face because he quickly raced to add, “For snapping at you like I did. That was completely and utterly uncalled for and horribly cruel of me,” he paused again, drawing a hand quickly through his hair. “It had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with you.”

Drawing a deep breath, Rosemary nodded. It took her several moments to gather her thoughts enough to answer. “You were a right arse, Tom.” Her tone was matter of fact and she carried on without meeting his eyes. “I get that you were quite obviously upset but that doesn’t give you the right to take that out on me.” She paused enough to raise her head so that she was looking him directly in the eyes as she spoke. “That being said, I shouldn’t have stormed off like I did either. That was incredibly childish and I’m sorry for it.”

Tom shook his head at her in confusion. “You have every right to be angry with me, Rosie. Every bloody right. And to have left. Christ, my mother would have rightly boxed my ears had she heard me speaking to you like I did.” He paused, wringing his hands together in his lap. “That’s beside the point. I just…I wanted to say I’m sorry and I wanted to explain what happened.”

“I know about the pictures, Tom,” Rosemary interjected. The look of fear and weariness that crossed his face struck her. She wanted to reach out and grasp his hands, offering whatever comfort she could. With a fortitude she hadn’t known she possessed, she curbed that impulse; she wasn’t completely sure how it would be received and rejection from him now, she feared, would very likely crush her. “I didn’t go looking for them,” she added hastily. “They were on my browser’s home page and I…What happened, Tom? I mean…How? You guys don’t talk…At all…and now you’ve been photographed…”

“It isn’t what it looks like,” Tom implored, cutting her off. Rosemary felt her heart sink at his words. Tom’s face paled at her expression and he plowed on, “I mean…I don’t even know how…We ran into each other purely by chance and we started talking and she…” His eyes were wide and pleading at her to understand what he couldn’t seem to articulate.

Rosemary’s jaw clenched, “She saw fit to lay in on you.” Anger flushed her face. Dammit Jules, why can’t you just leave well enough alone? You bloody promised!

He shook his head. “No…Well, yes she did. But it was nothing less than what I deserved. Rosie, I hurt you and badly. I did things I am very much ashamed of and that I know I cannot ever take back.” He smiled softly at her, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Jules is your friend, she cares about you. She has every right to frankly hate the sight of me,” he chuckled ruthlessly. “All she did was tell me what I needed to hear even if I didn’t want to hear it. I needed to be fully aware of just how badly I fucked up. Because I don’t want to do that again.”

“Tom…” Her tone was full of the uncertainty she was sure painted her face.

He shook his head, holding up a hand to halt her words. “No, please. Let me say this before I go and lose what little nerve I have left.” Rosemary nodded silently and waited for him to continue. “I messed up with you, Rosie, and badly at that. It’s something I will always, always regret.” His blue eyes were locked on hers, intense and pleading silently for her understanding. “For whatever reason I have you back in my life and I still cannot fathom why. But I don’t want to risk losing you again. I love you and I don’t want to mess this up. After you left today I took a very long, hard look at what’s happened and in turn what I want to happen.” He paused, letting out a soft, ruthless chuckle. “My life is a mess at the best of times. So much of it is not honestly in my control and it’s taken me a very long time to come to terms with that. To find ways to work around it and try to be myself and keep the things that matter as safe as much as I possibly can. I’m not trying to complain, I know just how fortunate I am to be able to do something that I love and make a living from it. But it’s hard sometimes, to remember that. To accept it. I’ve made so many mistakes and I’ve tried to do my best and to learn from them. To make myself better because of them. I hurt you, Rosie, and I’ve kept doing so. I don’t want to. It’s the absolute last thing I want. But I keep doing it.” He paused again, looking down at his clasped hands. “So many times I’ve wondered if walking away for good would be the best thing to do, for both our sakes. If I left, I would stop constantly hurting you. You could let go and maybe be at peace with what’s happened between us. But I can’t do it. I don’t want to. I don’t know what’s happening now, with us, but I know that I can’t just walk away. Not again.”

She stared at him, not knowing what to say. What to think. “Tom, I …”

He shook his head. Rosemary paused, looking at him in confusion and uncertainty. “I know it’s a lot I’ve just unloaded on you. And I’m sorry for doing so. I truly didn’t mean it.” His eyes widened as Rosemary stiffened. “No. No. No. That’s not what I’m saying. I meant what I said to you. Every word of it, but I didn’t mean to simply throw it at you like I did.” He smiled softly at her. “I do love you, Rosie. I’m absolute shit at it, but I do.”

Rosemary returned his smile with a hesitant one of her own. She cleared her throat and tried to find the right words. She needed the right words. “Tom, you mean so much to me. You have to know that,” she began, reaching out and taking his hand in hers. She squeezed it gently, absently rubbing her thumb along its back. “You are so very dear to me. You always have been. But I don’t know if I’m ready for more than simply being your friend. I honesty can’t be sure if I ever will be.” She looked at him, her hazel eyes pleading with him to understand. To hear what she needed him to understand. “I don’t know what I want. Not now. But I know that I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. But I need to know if you’re going to be able to accept that. Can you be okay with just being my friend? Truly okay with it? If I’m never ready for anything but that?”

His expression was unreadable and Rosemary felt her heart clench painfully in her chest. She had known that he very well may not be okay with only that. He’d made his desires clear. He wanted her. Loved her. She believed he meant it. For now. But what about in six months? Nine months? A year? Could she take that chance with him? Risk her heart again? She didn’t know. And that uncertainty might very well have cost her ever being able to know for sure.

After several long and agonizing minutes Tom spoke. “I understand that you’re not sure of me. And with our history I cannot blame you one bit. And I accept that you don’t know if you can trust me. If I’ll make all of these promises only to turn around and break them. I understand and I accept it.” He paused, offering Rosemary a soft smile and taking her hands in his, squeezing them gently. “And I can give you time to figure out what you want; whether it’s me or…not. I will be alright with whatever you decide.” He squeezed her hands again. “I told you that I can’t just walk away from this, from you, and I meant it.” He pushed himself to his feet and after a short debate with himself, leaned over and kissed her gently on the crown of her head. “Take all the time you need, Rosie. I’ll be here regardless of what you decide.”

She heard his soft footfalls on the carpeted floor and the open and close of her front door. Rosemary let go a shuddering breath. The ball was soundly in her court and she hadn’t the first idea what to do.

—

The shop was quiet that afternoon; A few wandering patrons here and there, but for the most part nothing and no one. It eased Rosemary’s guilt at pulling Jules off the floor and secluding both herself and her friend in the office she would always think of as hers. The past week had been hectic for both locations and she, Jules, and Hanna had been running themselves near ragged. Being able to sit and relax seemed a wonderful luxury and Rosemary was loath to give it up.

Jules had made them both coffees courtesy of the new coffee maker she’d recently acquired for the shop. It wasn’t overly fancy but produced a fair brew and that, in the end, was all that mattered. Coffee doctored to her liking, Rosemary had taken over the chair behind the desk, earning her a pointed look from Jules. She’d smiled sweetly and continued to drink her coffee.

They hadn’t had a chance to properly catch up since their luncheon. They’d exchanged a handful of texts but hadn’t honestly had a chance to really sit and talk. And, she mused, there certainly was a very great deal to talk about. “So,” Rosemary started, looking at Jules from over her mug.

Jules cocked an eyebrow. “So…I’m pretty confident that you didn’t overtake my office just for the coffee and pleasure of my company…”

Rosemary nodded and placed her mug onto the desk. “It used to be my office,” She joked, crossing her arms at her chest. “But, no. Not particularly. But the coffee is quite good,” she added in afterthought. She fiddled with the handle of the coffee mug in front of her as she tried to form the questions in her head into something coherent. “Those pictures,” she began again, looking up at Jules.

They had mentioned the pictures in passing, a text from Jules sent the evening they’d been posted ‘I’m pretty sure you’ve seen those pictures by now. They’re ridiculous and completely off base. I didn’t seek him out, please don’t be too cross with me.’ She’d responded that she knew that and she wasn’t cross and the matter had been left at that.

But there had been much more she’d wanted to talk about and to do so in text seemed inefficient and impersonal. She’d wanted to hear Jules’ side of the story, wanting to make sure for herself that what Tom had told her was the truth. That it had all been mere happenstance; that she hadn’t sought him out specifically. And this particular afternoon had been the first in which she could guarantee enough time for an actual conversation. Rosemary felt foolish, dragging everything up again, especially now that the dust was beginning to settle. But she needed to talk to her friend.

“Rose, honey…”

“I know it’s all bullshit, Jules,” she cut in. God, she was making a right mess of this. “Honestly, I do. I know you and I know him. And neither of you are that callous. I’m not mad at you…I just…I’m trying to understand why it happened. Tom said he just ran into you in the park and things dissolved from there.” She looked at Jules in earnest, hoping that she understood what she was trying to say.

“I didn’t go there hoping to run into him, Rose. I had lunch with Nick that day. We were close enough to the park that afterwards I wanted to enjoy the sun for a bit. I saw a cute dog and I couldn’t resist saying hello. Didn’t realize that said dog’s owner was…Anyway, we exchanged words, I told him something he honestly needed to hear and that was that. Had I known there were photographers about…”

Rosemary nodded, “I know Jules. I’m sorry…I just…Things aren’t exactly settled between Tom and myself. We both have made some horrifically stupid decisions and we’re trying to work out where that leaves us. I know you care, and I’m glad of it. I just…I don’t want to feel like things are happening because he feels guilty.” She paused and shook her head. “No, wait that is not what I meant. I told you that I want to be able to fight my own battles and make my own choices and you unloading all of that onto Tom feels like you didn’t hear me or simply didn’t care what I wished.” Jules opened her mouth to protest. “I know you didn’t mean it like that. I honestly cannot say I’m surprised that things imploded the way they did between you two. It was a long time coming.”

“He was an unmitigated arse to you, Rose, and he needed to see that. I don’t like him and I doubt I ever really will, but if he’s going to be back in your life I wanted to make damn sure he knows what that means and that he’s not going to run off again and leave you floundering. I know you want to do this on your own, and you have every right to do so, but he needed to understand that you have people in your corner; people that witnessed the aftermath of his actions the last time. You care about him, Rose. And because of that sometimes I’m honestly afraid you hold back because you’re so scared he’ll bolt if he knew what you felt or what you thought.”

Rosemary let out a sigh of frustration. “What I do or not do is on my own head, not on yours. I need you to understand that. You are the closest thing I have to a sister but I need you to not meddle in things. If it’s going to fall to pieces, it will do so on its own. You don’t need to help it along.” She paused and took a deep breath, calming herself. “I didn’t come here to fight with you. Honestly, I didn’t. I just need to know you won’t do it again. Just let it be, Jules. Please.”

Silence passed between them and Jules nodded. “I can’t guarantee I will always be able to hold my tongue when it comes to him, but I can promise to do my utmost best to respect your choices.” She smiled at Rosemary. “Are we okay?”

Rosemary nodded, “I think so. I want us to be.” She reached to pick up her mug once more, taking another sip of her coffee. It had cooled considerably but not enough to call it a waste. Cold coffee when it was not intended to be such was vile; almost as vile as a cold cup of tea. She shuddered at the thought.

“You alright?” Jules asked with the rise of an eyebrow.

Rosemary laughed and nodded. “Yes, sorry. My mind went wandering down a dark path…Cold tea…” She shuddered again and Jules burst out into a fit of giggles.

“My god, that is horrid. How could you even think such a thing?”

And with that she knew they would be alright. They soon finished their respective coffees and Jules grabbed both mugs and set to making more. Rosemary took her now steaming mug gratefully and cautiously took a sip. She placed the mug onto the desktop and brought her attention back to Jules. “So, how did Nick take the photos? I completely forgot to ask.”

Jules looked bug-eyed for a second before laughing into her coffee. “Really fucking well, actually.” She paused, taking a sip. “So he says ‘So you’re seeing Tom Hiddleston behind my back, huh? Well good for you’ and just goes right back to reading his book. Bless the man. He didn’t even blink an eye.” She shook her head and rested the cup on her thigh, letting out a contented sigh. “That man is bloody ridiculous and I love him for it.”

Rosemary snorted quietly into her own mug. It was funny, she had to admit. The way Nick took this in stride made her admire the man all the more. Jules and Nick were quite the pair; they’d been together for ages and seemed completely content in who and what they were. She envied that. Envied the way they trusted one another implicitly. She wanted that for herself, wanted it desperately. But having it simply didn’t seem likely.

Without her biding Tom’s face flashed in her mind. If she was truly being honest with herself she could admit she wanted that with him. But wanting that didn’t mean it could happen. But still, she thought as she took another sip of her coffee, it’s a wonderful dream.

#Tom Hiddleston #Tom Hiddleston RPF #Tom Hiddleston x oc #Tom Hiddleston x ofc #Tom Hiddleston x original character #tom hiddleston x original female character #Tom & Rosie #Love & Great Buildings

2 notes · View notes

winterisakiller · 5 years

Text

Love & Great Buildings: Chapter Ten

Chapter: 10/19

Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/Rosemary Mathews (OFC)

Genre: Romance/Angst

Summary: Three years have passed and a chance encounter brings Tom and Rosie together again. Can time make any difference or are they doomed to repeat their mistakes.

Rating: T (for now)

Author’s Notes/Warnings: This is part nine of Last Minutes and Lost Evenings. Many thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for listening to me ramble incessantly about this story and being a sounding board when I needed it. You are a lifesaver, even if your stories break my heart.

This story and its preceding one-shots can be also be found on AO3 under the username winterisakiller (sparkinside)

Tag List: @tinchentitri @noplacelikehome77

Previous Chapter

CHAPTER TEN

Rosemary’s jaw clenched, “She saw fit to lay in on you.” Anger flushed her face. Dammit Jules, why can’t you just leave well enough alone? You bloody promised!

“Tom…” Her tone was full of the uncertainty she was sure painted her face.

She stared at him, not knowing what to say. What to think. “Tom, I …”

—

Jules cocked an eyebrow. “So…I’m pretty confident that you didn’t overtake my office just for the coffee and pleasure of my company…”

“Rose, honey…”

“You alright?” Jules asked with the rise of an eyebrow.

Rosemary laughed and nodded. “Yes, sorry. My mind went wandering down a dark path…Cold tea…” She shuddered again and Jules burst out into a fit of giggles.

“My god, that is horrid. How could you even think such a thing?”

Next Chapter

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x ofc #Tom and Rosie #Love & Great Buildings

19 notes · View notes

imaginetk · 7 years

Text

Stubborn Hearts:

I don’t know why I can never feel it. And when I feel it, it flys near me but never touches me back. I am an expectante, a one participant in a game of two, a heart made lonely by itself. I seriously can’t remember why it didn’t worked out with her. I remember the way I felt was very different that time. I remember finding my self thinking about her at the most strange and improbable moments of the day. I remember her and how she made me feel. She made me feel…worthy. But I also remember slowly finding myself unable to demonstrate my feelings to her. I had said “I love you” many times before but, with her those words had a different taste on my lips. I wanted to say them to her every days we had left together but, for some reason I couldn’t. I pulled back first and then, she simply drifted away. I made her sad, I made her regret, I pushed her away. Was I protecting myself? Is that the excuse I’m giving now? Did I foolishly hid behind the fake conviction that my work was more important at the time? In any case, it was not worth it. If I have ever felt alone throughout my life, I can be certain that I’ve never felt so lonely as I feel now that she is no longer here. If only…if somehow I could reach out to her and bring her back to me…if only… Come back to me. The line in the coffee shop was long but you finally got yours and miraculously, you found an empty table where to sit down and have a hot coffee and a snack after a long day. You sat at a table near the window. The fist days of autumn were already showing on the color changing leaves of the trees, even the air smell like it already. This was your favorite time of the year but now it tasted different somehow. The slightly colder weather, the clear skies and the silence in the wind during the sunsets were tainted with nostalgia. You missed him but you had decided, two years ago when everything ended, that you were not going to look for him, not anymore. You had tried to understand him, his sudden coldness; you tried to stay but he simply turned his back on you. No, you had to let go, it was time.

You grabbed your coffee in between your two hands, warming them with it and tilted it to your mouth, when a voice made you jump. As if coming from your deepest memories, you heard Tom’s voice right behind you. “Yeah, make it decaf please. And I’ll have a croissant too. Thanks.” Your back suddenly froze and the smartest thing you could think of was not to move. “Maybe he won’t see me” you thought. Actually that’s what you wanted. Everything had ended so suddenly with him that, you didn’t even remembered saying goodbye, nor asking or giving an explanation for everything that happened. To see him after that, to have to talk to him, would be the absolute worst. You were not ready, at all. Or at least that’s what you thought. You placed your coffee slowly back on the table and tried to figure out what was going on behind your back, at the counter, just by listening to the noises and bits of conversations. A few minutes, long minutes, passed “he must be gone now.” You thought. The cold feeling on your back started to fade away, you felt more relaxed when suddenly you heard it again, only this time it was worst. He was on the table right behind you, having his coffee, and he had definitely noticed you. “I’ve missed you.” Were the fist words he said to me after two years of absences. I guess I was supposed to feel happy about it, happy to have found him again and to know that he had missed me but, for some strange reason, those words just pissed me off. “Really? After two years of not talking to me, that’s what you came up with?” I said turning back and finding my eyes immediately caught in his deep gaze. My whole body vibrated, overwhelmed by all the feelings mixed up inside me.

Tom said noting and his eyebrows simply rose in an expression of surprise. He then looked down at his coffee and smiled. “What would you have liked me to say then?” His smile was still sweet, still gentle, just like I remembered it. My whole chest was burning now, I had missed him too. But I could not simply jump into his arms, not just like that. I wanted him to give me an explanation, to apologize. “I don’t know…” I said with a gentler tone now, I was filed with questions but I could not articulate them. “I…I simply didn’t expect to bump I to you, ever again.” “Well, me neither but, here we are.” His voice, there was a kind of hope in it. Was he happy to see me again? My anger from before had turned into a sudden uneasiness, I was nervous. You looked at him, surprise to find in his eyes and voice a feeling of hope. What was he hoping for? Your hands started to sweat and the coffee shop was suddenly too hot. You felt your cheeks blushing and him observing everything. You had not been able to bury your feeling for him in the past and now, despite all your efforts, they were coming back to life. But out of all of them, the one feeling that was greatly felt by you both, was regret. “I know you don’t like me saying this, probably because you don’t believe me but it’s true, I’ve missed you.” “No, that’s not was you should be saying Tom.” You finally looked away from his eyes. “Why?” He asked “Because…” you doubted for a moment. Tom could see you were nervous, your cheeks all blushed. “You should say you are sorry.” He honesty was not expecting that. The coffee shop suddenly seemed more quiet and all he could do was to lean back on his chair and repeat your words in his head. His lips were parted in astonishment and his thoughts were paralyzed. “What?!” He finally managed to say. “Why me? What about you? You were the one who left after all?” “Ah! Are you serious Tom?” The nervousness was now gone and the sudden anger had come back. How could he say such a thing? “Yes, I’m serous Y/N. Why should I do it first? ” Was he real? He has acting like a damn child!

“Why? Well, maybe because it was you who behaved like an ass. That’s why!” Oh my god, were you really fighting now? A fight after two years of silence? Normal people would simply sit down and talk thing threw, like adults. Explain and apologize. But not you two. Apparently you both thought that the right thing to do was to behave as stubbornly as possible. Let’s see who would give in first then. “I was not! You were the one who left me. You were not paciente enough with me. You didn’t fight for me!” Tom’s voice was louder now, just like yours. Everyone around you both started to look over their shoulders. What is wrong with this two?! “Ok, so I didn’t wait. But that’s because you didn’t gave me a reason. You were cold…and mean! Yes you were mean to me and ignored me in the end. I didn’t felt like you loved me, so I left.” Upss, you had turned around completely to face Tom and he was now leaning over the table. All your and his feeling were pouring out of your hearts in that silly fight. The whole coffee shop was now slightly aware of your argument. “I was going through a difficult time back then. I was overwhelmed by what I felt for you and I…it made me scared ok? I was scared!” Tom’s cheeks had turned suddenly red. “You shouldn’t have hurt me then Tom. You should have been brave, for me. Why weren’t you? Why did you decided to push me away?” You voice had suddenly turned softer. A burning fire in your throat was now holding all your words back. And against your will, despite all your efforts, you started to cry. Out of pride, to not admite he had hurt you, you had never cried in this two years. But admitting he had actually hurt you, and to admit it to his face, broke your shield of pried. You could now feel the eyes of everyone on you. You had exposed your deepest feelings in public and to Tom, which made everything worst. You tried to take a deep breath but your tears would not stop. You tried to dry them with you’re paper napkin but it was useless, you kept crying in silence. You covered your face with your hands, at least to hide your shame and sadness from everyone around you. Suddenly, you felt a warm embrace protecting you, falling on you as an invisible refuge. That refuge were Tom’s arms. He held you close to his chest, his heart beat whispering to you to calm down, “I’m here” it said. You rested your forehead on his shoulder and simply cried away all you had previously tried to suppress. His hands softly caressed the back of your head and neck; his head resting on yours. “I’m sorry Y/N. I’m so sorry.” He finally whispered those simple and beautiful words. “I know I was a coward and an idiot. Forgive me, please.”

As he talked, you felt an immense weight lifting from your soul. His words felt true and his apology healed all the pain in your heart. You looked up, still wrapped in his strong embrace. Your eyes were still teary. You felt his warm hand now drying your tears, tainting your skin with tenderness. “I’ve come to love you more in your absence but I can’t keep loving a memory, I need you with me.” Your right hand found its own way to Tom’s face and brushed the tip of your fingers against his skin. You didn’t need to say a word to make him understand you forgave him. The loving gesture in your eyes and caress said more that any words. You smiled and he smiled back. A cold wind blew over the top of the trees outside, brushing away the first dead leaves off the branches; and inside the coffee shop, with a kiss of forgiveness and sublime hope, you both gave yourselves a second chance. “I love you” Tom whispered, his lips still pressing against yours. “I always will.”

#tom kaulitz imagines #tom kaulitz long imagines

15 notes · View notes