#I just don’t want to pay $100

[phoenix-rising-starbird-one]

German punctuality means everyone is on time except the fucking train. Except that one time you have to catch the train and it leaves right in front of your eyes. Two minutes early! Fucking gotta love this place.

#there are times I hate it here #I really wanna get my driver‘s license but I’m holding off until I have 100% confirmation that I can stay here #cause I’m not paying €2000 when honestly I have my American license and had that one since 2008 #with my renewal expiring in 2030 #I’m also still not sure if I want to stay here #the benefits don’t always outweigh the bureaucratic hell this country is #and I’m simply not making any friends here #I’m really not sure if coming here was a mistake #I know I know I gotta give it time #but honestly #I can part with everything I have and live with very little and maybe I should’ve done that #maybe I should’ve tossed everything and start somewhere where no one knows me #I don’t know #I just know I feel more lost here than back in Hawaii #and maybe that makes me ungrateful #to what I have but I am very VERY miserable here and I know it’s not just an attitude issue or me #I feel lost and alone and just don’t care for anything here other than my sister.

[ohthewh0rror]

.

#just texted the lady I babysit for bc she’s supposed to pay me today #and she goes #‘oh yeah it was only 2 half days this week right? I’m sending 100’ #HALF DAYS??? #FUCKING HALF DAYS?? #I had her baby for 8 hours both of those days #what universe am I living in where that’s suddenly a half day #I get it #it’s not the usual 12+ that I watch her for #but half days?? really?? #I need to lay down #before I throw myself off the nearest cliff side #I don’t even want to finish the Tom imagine I’m working on now

[bundlebrent]

I wish everyone that I’ve mentioned being nervous about telling my parents I want top surgery tonight hasn’t gone like Oh it’ll be fine like sure probably it will but that doesn’t make my anxiety go away and instead of just saying that immediately and writing off the conversation they could listen to my specific anxieties

#like I know it probably will be ok #but we’ve never discussed my gender before #and they’re very practical? minded #there are things I wanted to do that I didn’t because they talked me out of it #and I’m worried this is gunna be something they try to do again #if I hadn’t read through my insurance benefit booklet #to see that it’s covered for gender affirming surgeries #and had to pay out of pocket I 100% know they would #not that I could afford it out of pocket #main reason I assumed I’d never be able to get it was not being able to afford it #I’m choosing to believe it’s because they’re cishet #and just don’t get the anxiety that surrounds any sort of coming out

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

u mentioned in the tags of one of ur posts that u couldn't find a comic so you payed for it, so here's a tip: readcomiconline.li has pretty much all comics in history LOL! new chapters are uploaded with like, 16 hour delays at most :)

I actually always read new releases from there haha. The only reason I paid this time was cause I’m still waiting on my physical copy and that particular issue wasn’t up for about 2 days (I have 0 patience lol).

But thank you! And for anyone else who wants to read comics but doesn’t know how to find them for free, in my experience that website will pop up if you google “<comic name> <issue number> read online”. They have (I think) every & any comic that isn’t a current current new release (and even those typically get uploaded after at most a few days of the official release date, like op said). It’s a really good source, especially for people who are new to comics who maybe want to start with older runs.

#but rlly for anyone who wants to read comics but not collect or pay money #like. the dc infinite (?) don’t rmb the name even though I visit the app like daily #the dc comic app is damn near impossible to search for individual issues. it is 100% easier to find issues for free on that website #you just have to click out of a few ads like those streaming sites #asks #but yea #thanks user bitter-hibiscus!

[bigothteddies]

jeezush skates are expensive

#unimportant thoughts #want a half decent pair of inline skates so I don’t have to rent when I go to the rink anymore cause rental pairs suck ass #and basicallyyyy I’m paying at least $100 for anything and closer to $200 if I want anything that’s not a complete compromise on what I wan #which at that point #why am I paying $200 for something that’s a compromise #like fuck man #I don’t want to spend $200+ on skates that aren’t even in the color I want yk? #but getting anything that’s exactly what I want seems to be a custom job #which means $600+ range #which is PAINFUL and not something I want to do #guess I’ll just cheap out and get an $80-$120 pair #like fuck man I’ve been meaning to replace my skatepark inline skates too soon #never would’ve guessed replacing those will end up being cheaper than getting a decent pair of inlines for the rink #whys everything so EXPENSIVE

[bribes]

gnawing on ankle

#AI chucklefucks act like people are constantly pointing a gun to their heads #and demanding they create something or else they will die and their family will die #this is why artists always dislike the ‘omg you’re sooo talented’ shit #it’s not talent you asshole! i don’t look at someone who can cook and say ‘omg wow i wish i could do that’ #?! #if i wanna do something i learn how to do it!?!? #grips floor and screams #DL #AI idiots are constantly underestimating the hard work art involves #they think artists and creators were just spawned into the world with 100+ base stat in creativity like some kind of fucking RPG #no! i had no friends and really liked sonic! that’s literally all it takes sometimes! #and thankfully some people like my style enough that they will pay me for something #and it took like 18 years to get here!! but they don’t want the act of creating #they just want the creation itself and the ability to monetize it #bullshit

[drunk-poets-society]

The thought of going to college is filling me with immense despair and I’m half thinking of dropping out

#I cant do this anymore godammit #i want to SCREAM #I know shipping characters won’t pay the bills but I wish it did #I just wish things weren’t hard anymore I want to play on easy mode. a tutorial mode even. I just. don’t want to do this anymore #I don’t want to! I cant! i cannot!!!! I am sick of disappointing people! I’m sick SICK SICK OF IT! #just another month I’ll be through with this I say #gosh I just need to hold out for just that much longer #I hate when people keep expectations from me! I hate it! Stop it!! stop telling me that I have the ‘capacity to do well’ I don’t! I am #exhausted and average at best! there is nothing I am outstanding in! I am just average! stop stop stop stop expecting that I’ll do something #remarkable in life when I’m just looking forward to dying as soon as possible! stop it! stop it!! #it drives me insane I want to punch a wall it’s driving me INSANE #I am average at everything ok? I’ve made my peace with it. I’m not destined for greater things. I’m studying for a pretty worthless degree. #I don’t even want this degree. I didn’t even choose it. I don’t want to do it. I don’t! I really don’t. #it drives me insane whenever people tell me that I don’t give my 100% in my academics. yes I don’t. I don’t because if I do I will self #destruct. last time I gave it my all I became so severely depressed that I quit everything I quit doing everything I loved. it was horrible #I gave it my all in the way people want you to and the whole time I was suffering and then I failed #it really does affect you when you for once try your absolute best and the result you get is worse than if you didn’t try at all #I was better off slacking. so ever since I’ve done the bare minimum and come to terms with the fact that I am average at best and I’m much #better off being average at best instead of being an absolute failure after doing my absolute best #they say that school doesn’t matter in the long run I hope it’s true because those scars haven’t faded still #the brain damage was irreparable #eugh I hate it here #delete later

[crowcryptid]

Ah I just found out which gpu my brothers ordered

It starts with 40 and ends with 90.

Wtf um thanks but I’m still paying for it so why didn’t they ask me first 😬

Also my power supply isn’t strong enough for it.

So there’s that

Oh they ordered an atx 3.0 psu too oh okay haha oh wow that is an extra $200 oh ahah ok..

#I assumed it would be a used 30 series or one of the newer amd cards #that card costs more than my whole pc #if you don’t want to look it up the card is 1600 #ERM.. #I only gave them the $200 that I had and told them I’d give them the rest when I get paid Friday. #well that isn’t happening but if my mom temporarily stops stealing everything then I can pay it in like 2 months #the good news: I will have a working pc! with holy shit 24 gb of vram and the strongest card out there rn! #the bad news: that + the psu is $1800!! what the fuck!!!!! #good news part 2: they aren’t expecting me to pay it off right away and they are paying for the taxes which was like $100 #I told them to never do that again thank you #assuming this thing doesn’t kill itself randomly like my current card then I’m set for easily over 5 years with this thing #you know. assuming game devs don’t keep the trend of 100+ gb games. lol. which they will. #but anyway this was really overkill cause I don’t have a 4K monitor it’s only 2k #but it does mean that blender is going to run smooth as fuck #amd cards kind of suck for blender because they don’t have full support like nvidia cards #I think I’m going to undervolt it because I don’t think I can even use 100% of it rn #it’s definetely going to be bottlenecked by my cpu and 16 gb of ram. #maybe next year I will upgrade to am5 and ddr5 since I’ll have this new psu anyway #but am5 is still expensive af rn #I am just trying to not think about that fact that this is almost my full months pay. aha. #to be fair they don’t know I’m trying to save up to move outta fl so I can’t be mad. they didn’t know.

[vydumaj]

both my mom and my sister really need to contact hospitals rn and it’s stressing me outttt

#in mom’s case it might be something chronic like she was at risk for arthritis #but she doesn’t want to call because she ‘should have improved her insurance first’ and…I get it but it’s already too late to get ‘better #insurance’ for this since she’s got one meeting with a rheumatism doctor in her log #she won’t get better insurance and it’s just getting worse…quickly #in my sister’s case she’s had some kind of clearly very distressing pain since Monday night #in the lower part of her tongue and now she’s saying it’s spreading backwards in her mouth but she won’t call 1177 because ‘it’s too tiring’ #they’re both stressing me out !!!!! please just go to the hospital before it gets worse jfc #rant #I get they don’t want to spend a lot of money on meds or end up getting expensive treatments but…if it’s actually serious stuff they’re #gonna end up paying anyway :/ #in my sisters case she shouldn’t even have to worry about costs I think she’ll at most end up paying like 100€…which is a lot of money but #globally? for health care? :/ not really #she just doesn’t want to call and sit in the phone queue… but she’s also too distracted by the pain t eat comfortably and discuss what we #should do…idk

[seilon]

yet again I am whimpering and sobbing at hyatt to give me a job at the big fancy hotel. this is like my 7th application to a job at this one hotel specifically. i should really get the job from sheer dedication to applying over and over again for 7 months alone

#I can not explain it I just really want to work. at the big fancy hotel. please #LET ME BE BANQUET STAFF I AM BEGGING. NO ONE WANTS IT MORE THAN ME . #quite literally. i can basically guarantee at this point there is no one more dedicated to applying to this specific hyatt than me #and I’m wondering if someone over there keeps getting applications from me and sighing like oh god this guy again #I’m gonna go in there with a resume some time this week but I’m not exactly sure where to put that resume or who to talk to #maybe I should call or something first #i hate calling people but. if I must…………. #I’m not good at any of this shit man #also I need some nice business clothes for this kinda thing but alas I have no fucking money #because. I don’t have. a job #I hate this #kibumblabs #who the hell do I have to sell my soul to at hyatt for them to hire me why is this so hard #the pay’s really good too for a part time entry level job hggshhhh pleaseee I need money so I can move OUT OF HERE #the fact that I don’t really have business clothes aside. what I DO have will probably fucking SUCK in 100 degree weather fbshcbsjdjs #can you tell I’m possibly hypomanic and can not fucking sleep . it’s 5am and I need to fucking stop with this shit but gahgagshdhdhh

[starryoak]

every time I leave a long, thoughtful comment on a fanfic where I put genuine thought and interest into what the author is trying to communicate to me, and don’t receive any reply, I get more and more pissed about people whining about never getting comments.

maybe the reason you’re not getting any comments is that people see the wasteland of comments on your work that received no reply and think that it would be a waste of time to comment. you can make all the pinkie promises you want that you super duper appreciate comments, but if you don’t actually show that in your work or reply, there’s no difference between your week old fic with no replies and a fic from 2007 left abandoned and dead, and you’re essentially arguing that you both deserve engagement for existing, while also claiming you have no responsibility whatsoever to engage back.

maybe engage with your audience a little and your audience will engage with you!

#also to be clear week old is an exaggeration but like if I see month old questions unanswered what am I gonna think? #“Golly gee this person sure cares about feedback!” #to be fair I am constantly online #and thus perceive the amount of time it takes to respond to a comment as much longer than it likely objectively is #and I’m also a bitter weirdo at night in ways that I don’t feel in the morning #so this is a spiteful rant I don’t actually 100% agree with #although actually genuinely #talk to your readers #most of my lifelong friends are people I met online #because I actively engaged with their comments over time and developed a relationship with them #and those four or five people are worth thousands of times more than shallow fame #if you want comments you have to reckon with the fact that commenters are just like you #they took the time out of their lives to comment on your work #the least you can do is pay them the same favor back #Fanfic discourse #fanfiction #fanfics #fanfiction discourse #fandom #writing #commenting #comments #rant #rantings #discourse

[hey-op-just-kill-me]

…

#hi I’m going to complain for a quick second #so my parents have not contributed a fucking cent to my higher edumacation besides maybe three train tickets #I have paid two semesters so far by my self and with my grandmother giving me some money to help for transportation but that’s legit it #like my parents haven’t financially helped me at all okay #so my dad was going to do taxes today and he told me to print out the college tax thing and I got angry at him #because fuck you use me as a discount when you start to actually help me out at all #so we’re yelling at each other and he’s like oh isn’t there a parent account I can log into and I explain that no it’s fucking college #you do not have a day at all #he does not like this because he really likes being in control of shit #but it’s funny because for the first 16 years of my life he couldn’t give a shit less about my education last two years of HS he tries #to give unhelpful advice that just led to more stress (as in I got a 90 on a test and he’d ask why it wasn’t 100) #so we’re yelling at each other and my sister says to just ignore it because someone might aswell clame it for taxes instead of the state #and yeah sure fine but at least provide some support for me. or fucking tell me you’re proud of me that’s it that’s all I want #the only thing he has given me for school was a fucking BC tee shirt off of Amazon… that’s it #so now we are just fucking avoiding each other and it’s fucking awkward but my mom is treating it like I’m the bad guy here because #I’m angry they told me I had to go to college and now they won’t help me #like I understand that a lot of people don’t have their parents support to pay for college and they do drive me to the train station but #it’s just rude. and I can’t even talk to him about it because oh no big man feelings get hurt when $ is a topic but like grow the fuck up

[bennitastisch]

i wish i could fuck my parents up in the same way they fucked me up

#i wanna tell my dad that my mom cheated on him soooooooooo bad #but i also wanna see for how long my mom will continue to pay my phone bill #so i wont #but i really wanna hurt them #cause every day since they kicked me out im scared that the same thing will happen here living with the bf and his parents and im also like #100 times more scared the bf will break up with me since my parents kicked me out bc i always thoight well i know my parents dont really #support my life choices and they don’t particularly like me that much but at least they know im their child and they try to love me #and i dont know i think they still do love me but not in a way that is good for either of us #and it is only speculation by now bc we havent talked in a year #they prolly expect me to come back home like my brother did when they kicked him out #but i will never talk to them again #and i know i shouldnt care what they r up to now or how they are doing but i really really really want them to be miserable #and i know its no healthy but they hurt me so much #they did so much damage to my mental health that will take so much time amd effort and energy to buff out again that i just want them to hur #i once asked them if they kicked my brother out if they could promise me to never do that to me #and they said of course no one is going to kick me out #and then they did #and i know its stupid and im naive to have trusted them but knowing this #knowing they promised me they wouldnt kick me out and then doing it anyways #because i wasnt willing to be their little pet or doll or whatever the hell anymore it just hurts #they always wanted me to be who they wanted me to be #and as soon as i broke out of that mold they didnt like me anymore #they didnt like their own child anymore cause they couldn’t control it and i hate that i knwo that they r fucked up ppl for it and still wan #them to come crawling to my door and apologize and tell me they still love me #just so i can tell them to fuck off and close the door in their faces #i want to hurt them like they hurt me #i hate that they have that power over me #bc im not a malicious person #but i also want revenge #ben vents

[bitterfucked]

hi idk if this is weird of me to say but i just wanna express my appreciation for your music. i found the album lo-fi accordion songs for people who just don't care about anything two years ago at a low point in my life and i've listened to it so many times since. it's such an important piece of art for me, and it's also just really good music. thank you for sharing it with the world :)

aw no it’s def not weird! it’s nice to hear stuff like this.

i got a bunch more music too, yeah? i continued my solo stuff at svltwound.bandcamp.com (i don’t love those recordings i feel real off key, it’s the thing where it’s weird to hear your own voice i think? but also i had like ten days to get an album put out before tour which was a whole thing - anyways there’s live recordings here that are better: https://bitterfucked.tumblr.com/post/172357436027/entire-casa-de-avi-setvideo-by-yo-avi)

i did two other bands too, bramble (bramble.bandcamp.com - wrote about half the songs, with all of them being collaboratively composed) and snail party (snailparty.bandcamp.com - did composition for toppled propane glory and wrote giants to jellyfish and did some composition for bfcsd), plus played for my friend sam in tale teller heart (tale-tellerheart.bandcamp.com/album/pender-recordings - just played and did the album art on this one album here)

#sorry i gotta do the station sound off #it’s just instinctual #also… like just check out everyone i’ve played with? #most of those bandcamps link up to everyone else’s projects #and i’ve had the very good fortune to play music with some very talented people #also also if you want any of those dls and they’re pay gated just let me know and i’ll dm you a dl link #i completely don’t believe in charging for music #but that hasn’t been 100% true for everyone i’ve played with #and i forget but i think at least one album i’m on got a price instead of pwyc/free

[quibbs126]

Why is getting a B Rank on Operation Time Fixers Episode 6 so hard??

#I’ve been trying all today and yesterday but I always fall short #I keep hitting SOMETHING and it means I can’t get B rank #earlier I was actually able to get a bonus chest that gave me the second enhancer as well #but then during my next run I did god awful and wasted it #and then I decide to bite the bullet and pay the 100 crystals for it next time so I can just get this over with #but then I do horribly on that one too #now I’m out of all my enhancers and I just want to be done with this #I was easily able to get B rank on all the others why can’t I do it here? #*sigh* and at this point I just don’t want to do it anymore #but I have to if I want to finish the story #and get that 10+1 Treasure card #and I only have 7 hours to do so #how are you guys getting it? #cookie run ovenbreak #baguette cookie #coffee candy cookie #they’re the two I use since they’re the highest level (level 7)

[pepprs]

my onboarding has been a complete and total fucking mess it’s so stressful i want to just explode. lol

#purrs #finally got on payroll but can’t submit my time sheet bc my last student / intern timesheet WHICH SHOULDNT EVEN BE THERE bc i was in my #transitional position!! is still in my timesheet center and i already filled out a docusign time sheet for that pay period so i shouldn’t ha #have to worry abt it but i can’t submit any timesheets until that blank one gets removed by someone in payroll but a lot of ppl are on #vacation so im like wtf lol. im now on the first day of my 4th week and still haven’t gotten the email to sign up for benefits which iwwas s #supposed to get in my 2nd or 3rd week and i literally need to make appointments and figure out what im paying for counseling. still haven’t #found a carpool bc that fucking asshole wants to charge me $100 for a months worth of rides which i think is overpriced personally and also #he creeps me out but i can’t search for another carpool bc there isn’t a group for staff / faculty to like ask questions and this guy was #supposed to be my connection to helping me find staff / faculty in Columbia but instead he just inserted himself and it’s like i kinda hate #you and don’t want to ride with you but i literaly don’t think i have a choice. and then ofc my supervisor decides to leave RIGHT NOW so its #like i have to go out and find a ‘cultural contact’ who can get me acclimated to staff life bc she was supposed to do it and now she’s #fucking off to ****** so i have to replace her while ALSO taking her place w a whole bunch of work stuff AND being on the search committee w #which is launching this week. and im just about to punch something. this process has been so turbulent and frustrating i just want to be #settled in and instead km hitting roadblocks every step of the way and ppl including my close colleagues are still tagging me in my student #email when they don’t have to and they KNOW i hate it and want to have my staff email show up as much as possible. lol. ughhhhhh #i keep telling myself it’s like stars. my student star has gone out but the light takes time to travel to earth and it’s gonna keep hitting #for a while and im gonna have to deal w that. but in a couple months time god willing it’ll feel better. meanwhile i have completely paused #my quest to earn my permit and find a place to live bc i just can’t handle it rn and also im isolating myself again lolllll. so things are n #not good and im scared my counselor is only gonna give me 30 minutes like last time and spend most of it talking… we’ll see. i have more #thoughts but if i don’t go now i will be late for work lol 😃✌️