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#I hurt myself every day with new thoughts of sad loki
earlgreydream · 3 years
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doubts.
| loki x reader | fluff |
anon requested. loki kinda degraded sub!reader and she scrunches up all tiny and sobs afterwards because she thought he meant what he said
cw: slightly smutty, slightly angsty
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You begged Loki to let you come, fighting against the magical restraints your dom had placed around your wrists and ankles. 
“Oh, you want to come so bad you’re crying? You desperate, pathetic whore. You’re so fucking filthy, have you no shame?” Loki sneered, the words sending arousal pooling deep in your belly, even though you fought against it. Your body jolted at the slap administered to your inner thigh, a pained cry escaping your lips. 
You’d been acting up and testing Loki’s patience, which is what earned you this punishment, your pleasure being dangled in front of you, just out of reach. You’d broken his rules, and he’d had enough of your attitude. 
“Come now before I change my mind,” Loki’s tone was dangerous, and the pressure inside of you shattered. He followed your lead, finishing inside of you before he pulled out and made the restraints vanish. 
As the pleasure wore off, his words echoing in your mind, You desperate, pathetic whore. You’re so fucking filthy, have you no shame?
Loki stood off of the bed, going to run you a hot shower. As soon as he’d stepped away, a sob tore through your chest, your shoulders heaving as you cried. You curled up in a ball, feeling small and alone on his massive bed. 
Loki heard you crying, and he felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. He abandoned the shower and ran to your side, kneeling down on the bed. You looked so tiny and fragile, folding in on yourself. His chest ached when he heard your soft sounds and saw the way your hands trembled as you tugged at your hair, trying to self-soothe. He reached out to pull your hands away, wanting to keep you from anxiously tearing the hair from your sensitive head.
“My darling-” his voice cracked when you jerked away from him. You hiccuped on your broken sobs as they wrecked you, emotion flooding every last thought and turning you into a mess. 
Loki’s magic sparked around you, cleaning you up and leaving you both in loose clothing. The green shimmer surrounded you, Loki’s fruitless attempt to touch you without frightening you. It was warm, and seemed to buzz with its own life, but didn’t make you feel any better. 
“My darling, have I hurt you? Tell me whatever is wrong so that I may fix it,” Loki begged, wanting nothing more than to pull you into his arms. 
“Don’t touch me, please,” you tried to catch your breath, wanting to get your keys and leave. 
He sank back, giving you space. His eyes were concerned and sad, and he fought against the urge to pierce into your mind, ripping the truth from you. The door vanished from the wall as you tried to run out, and you whipped around to face the god, who was kneeling on the bed and looking wounded. There was no exit, Loki keeping you contained to the bedroom until your devastation was resolved. 
“Y/N, I won’t let you leave when you’re so upset. You cannot drive safely. If you wish, I can take you anywhere you want to go,” Loki fretted, and though you knew he was right, you only grew more and more upset. 
“Come to me, darling,” Loki opened his arms, the authority in his voice making you comply. You knew this was a fight you couldn’t win. You’d end up in Loki’s arms confessing your pain whether by his will, or your own.
Your sobs broke his heart, and he slowly wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you down into his lap. He held you firmly, and eventually your struggling subsided as you let yourself weep against his chest. 
“Please don’t make me pry the truth out of you,” Loki begged softly into your hair. He didn’t want to add to your pain, he only wanted to fix it. He was very aware that sifting through your mind to take your private thoughts was something that made you feel extremely violated. He wanted you to tell him on your own, but he wouldn’t let you keep such heartbreaking secrets from him. 
“Y-you... did you mean what you said about me? That I was pathetic, and d-desperate and a whore?” You sobbed out, stammering over your words.
“Oh, oh my goodness. My darling, I am so sorry. I never meant any of that. I thought you understood I just said it in the scene... please my love, I adore you more than all of the stars. Never think you are not the most perfect, beautiful, eloquent, and lovely person in my eyes. I love you, I will never say such horrible things again.” Tears flowed freely down Loki’s face. You were startled, unused to seeing raw emotion from him, especially not guilt. It hadn’t occurred to you that the words Loki had spoken were just part of the scene, part of the sex you were having. He wasn’t typically fond of degradation, but he was experimenting in the moment, never expecting it to be received as genuine. 
There was no room for doubt in his words. He meant his love then, and he would spend the rest of his life proving his love to you.
His strong arms cradled you against his body, trying to hold you together.
“I’m so sorry, so sorry,” he breathed apologies like a repetitive prayer.
You listened to his heartbeat, letting the rhythm slow your racing mind. Your sobs eventually subsided, calmed by the steady circles of his hand on your back.
“I forgive you,” your lips moved against the underside of his jaw.
“Please always stop me, tell me then, if anything at all makes you feel even the slightest bit unsafe. I never want you to feel this way again, certainly not at my fault,” Loki begged, and you nodded before burying your face back in him.
“Do you still love me?”
“I love you the most,” you promised.
Loki talked you into staying the night, doting on you to the point you were almost smothered. His magic conjured everything you wanted, even in the back of your thoughts.
“Do you want to go get some?” He asked, and you turned, tilting your head in confusion.
“To Paris. For the macarons.”
“You’re reading my thoughts,” you sighed softly, but a smile graced your expression as you kissed him.
“No, I’m sleepy. Maybe tomorrow?” You asked, and he nodded, sweeping you off your feet and carrying you back to bed.
You situated yourself in his arms, your back against his chest. His larger frame shielded you, wrapping you in safety and warmth. You slept soundly with him, the pain and uncertainty from the afternoon long gone and replaced by his love.
The smell of coffee rose you out of your sleep. Your eyes took a few moments to adjust to the soft light spilling in through the windows, and you sat up, suddenly realizing you weren’t in Loki’s bedroom at his apartment, where you’d fallen asleep.
“Loki?!” You called, and he leaned in the doorway.
“Good morning. I didn’t mean to frighten you. We took a short trip in your sleep. We’re at my Paris flat.”
You smiled, stretching your arms above your head as you yawned. Loki put a coffee in your hands, leaning down and kissing your forehead.
“If I cry will you spoil me more often?” You teased lightly, and he shot you his signature dom look of warning, making you shudder.
“It breaks my heart to see you cry, my darling,” Loki’s tone was apologetic, guilt still left over from the day before. You squeezed his arm as you sipped your coffee.
“I’m okay,” you swore, earning another kiss from your lover.
“Mm. Finish that up and we’ll go to the patisserie down the street.”
“Yes, sir.”
He smiled, happy you were cheered up and back to normal. He moved his fingers and a pretty sundress appeared hanging on the back of the washroom door for you, delicate white flats placed below.
“Dressing me up like your little doll?”
“Careful, or I will dress you, after I get that attitude in line.”
“I love the dress. And I can put it on by myself,” you apologized, pecking his lips before walking to the bathroom.
You returned in the sundress, a white beret adorning your head along with it. You relished in the bright smile Loki rewarded you with. In a shimmer of green, he was dressed in pastels that matched your own. You loved to see him in casual clothes instead of the Asgardian armor he frequently wore, and he indulged you for this small Parisian vacation. 
“You look stunning, my darling.”
Giggles erupted from your lips, making Loki’s heart soften. He dipped his head down to kiss you, making your nose scrunch up in the cutest way that he loved. His long, slender fingers folded with yours, holding your hand as the two of you made your way out of the flat and onto the bustling street. You were thankful for the sunny weather, greatly improving your mood from the rough night in New York’s rain. 
“Feeling better?”
“Much,” you nodded.
“Let’s get some crepes. Sound good?”
“Sounds perfect, Loki.”
The young god pecked your lips before pushing you inside of a patisserie. 
“Salut,” the girl working called to the two of you as the bell clinged on the door.
“Darling, what would you like? We can take some macarons to go,” Loki asked, pointing to the pastries behind the glass.
You chose a few, and Loki rattled off your order in French to the shopkeeper, taking the bag from her and moving you to sit at a table in the corner for your crepes. 
“Can we stay in Paris for a couple of days? Just us, not any of the distractions from New York,” you asked, leaning your head against his shoulder and accepting the bite he fed you. 
“Most certainly.” He kissed the sugar off of your lips before the two of you left for a park with your snacks for later. Loki held your hand as you walked along a low stone wall beside him, your eyes level with the extra height. 
“Y/N, you must know that you are so, so terribly loved.”
You turned and snaked your arms around his neck, looking deep into his crystal blue eyes.
“I do not doubt your love, Loki.”
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bxckybarness · 3 years
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What I Missed - Loki Laufeyson
summary: while in custody at the TVA, loki realizes what he misses from the future, only to be surprised by what he gets in the present
word count: 2100+
warnings: a little angsty, a little emotional, mention of loki’s death, episode 1 spoilers
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Today was certainly not Loki’s day.
Over the course of a few hours (or more, or less, this is the TVA, afterall) he had been in the custody of the Avengers, had happened upon the Tesseract and escaped from New York. It seemed too good to be true, and it was. Just when he thought he had truly outsmarted the Earthly heroes again, he was imprisoned and taken again.
Now here he was, under the supervision of the Time Variance Authority and one, Mobius, a bizarre administrator in charge of tracking down the most dangerous of variants. It all seemed like madness to Loki. He was used to silly games and grandiose tricks but this story of timelines and space lizards seemed beyond even his own trickery. It seemed downright absurd. And annoying.
He had been subject to what he would call an interrogation. Mobius, however, called it a simple conversation. A slideshow of his life, his “greatest hits” as Mobius had called it and a relentless fire of questions, the memory of which continued to burn in his memory:
Should you return, what are you going to do?
King of Midgard? Then what, happily ever after?
King of Space?
Why does someone with so much capability just want to rule?
Do you enjoy hurting people?
That one had burned most of all. Did he enjoy hurting people? Hardly. And it was upsetting to him that anyone would think that. But he also understood what he appeared to be to every other living creature. He had just relived the moment in which he killed that daft agent and his mother. His mother. He refused to believe he was at fault for that. Frigga was the only person who truly saw him and whom Loki cared for deeply. But it seemed so clear in the moving picture, he had led them right to her.
It was in that moment, with tears and rage in his eyes, he knew he needed to get out of the disastrous time circus. He no longer cared to be a monkey in this ring. If he could find the tesseract, he could escape and be free once again.
That plan had gone almost perfectly. The only thing that went wrong - there is no magic in the TVA. No matter how many times he held the tesseract in his hands, wishing it to take him back to Midgard or Asgard, he was met with nothing but the bland walls in this TVA Time Theater. There was no hope in escaping.
Feeling exhausted, Loki slowly moves toward the table in the center of the room. He sits down and admires the machine in front of him. As grim as the stories it held could be, it was still quite fascinating that it could replay the highlights from his life - in a weird way, at least. He reaches out and turns the knob, searching for the moment his mother dies. He finds it and watches in silence for a while, tears beginning to fall down his face.
He turns the knob again.
He sees a future version of himself sitting next to his father and Thor. He watches as his father declares his love for his sons. Sons, plural. Both Thor and him. A small smile graces Loki’s face before Odin disappears, leaving the two men behind. Loki holds back a sob as tears continue to flood from his eyes. His father did love him, did see purpose for him. He wasn’t just the mischievous son. He’s sad that it took this long to understand that, and sad that he never got to experience this himself, even if a future version of him did.
Another turn of the knob.
This scene immediately feels different. He sees a garden, full of life, beautiful flowers blooming in every direction. He sees himself, sitting under a tree smiling next to a young woman. As the scene progresses he realizes this version of him is smiling at you. He lets out a small gasp when he watches the pair share a kiss and wipes the quickly falling tears from his cheeks. He had always loved you, but had never gotten the chance to tell you. The two of you had met through Thor, when he brought both you and Jane to Asgard. He had taken to you quickly, enjoying your similar sarcasm and humor - something that was scarce within his home realm. You, like his mother, had always seen the good in him and had understood his struggle. It was something he would never understand, you being of Midgard. You knew what he had done and had been there to see the destruction, but still saw him not as the God of Mischief or Earth Enemy #1, only Loki. He aches for the fact that he never got to feel the happiness his future self did, especially when it was happiness with you.
Turn the knob.
Loki and Thor stand in a room together. Loki lets out a small laugh in the midst of his tears, wondering how his oaf of a brother managed to lose an eye. Maybe a dumb bet between the two of them, maybe there was a battle amongst the nine realms. He’s quickly pulled from his thoughts as he hears Thor speak.
“Maybe you’re not so bad after all, brother.”
“Maybe not,” the future Loki responds.
“Thank you,” Thor replies, “If you were here, I might even give you a hug.”
“I’m here.”
Loki smiles and nods to himself. From where he’s sitting now, it’s a wonder that he and his brother ever made up. He realizes now that the fighting and the sibling rivalry may have all been in his head. He, again, curses himself for leaving New York and allowing himself to miss these moments that he’s been waiting his whole life for.
Fast-forward.
He and you lay in a room, seemingly on the same ship as the previous scene. You lay snug against his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around you. You hum softly before speaking up.
“I love you, you know.”
By the look on both of your faces, it’s the first time this has been said out loud. There’s nervous tension in the room, Loki can feel it through this screen. He somehow knows the words his future self is going to say before he hears them.
“I love you too, darling. You bring out the best in me.”
You snuggle closer to him, if that’s even possible, and there’s a comfortable silence for a few seconds. Loki takes a moment to admire this picture. It was something he had wanted since he had first met you on Asgard. You had stuck out like a sore thumb, dressed in your casual Midgardian clothes. He couldn’t have missed you even if he tried, nobody could have. And boy was he glad about that now.
“Promise me something,” he watches himself say.
“Anything,” you whisper. “Anything for you, Loki.”
“Promise me, no matter what, you’ll always help me see the good in myself. I’ve too long suffered at the hands of those who desperately wish for me to see the bad.”
You let out a laugh and the Loki stuck in time laughs with you, “Oh, Loki. I wish you could see yourself as I see you. But I promise.”
“Thank you, my love.”
“You, Loki, may be a God, but you will always just be the man I fell in love with. The good, kind, and honorable man I call mine.”
Turn, again.
Loki sees himself kneeling and before he can question why, he watches as his future self moves to attack someone in front of him. When Loki realizes it's Thanos, he’s quickly on his feet, moving closer to the screen. The tears are gone now, and a silent rage burns behind his eyes. There was nothing from Loki but hate for the purple titan. He watches in horror as Thanos picks Loki up from the floor, a death grip on his neck. Loki wonders to himself how he would get himself out of this scenario had he been there. He assumes an illusion would do the trick. However, he notices your distraught figure behind the mad titan. He can hear your screams as you kneel next to Thor, who is imprisoned in cuffs. He hears you call out to him and he knows this will not end well. His suspicions are right when he watches his death. A shocked gasp comes from his throat as the tape in front of him runs out, nothing left to show.
Loki quickly sits back down and closes his eyes, trying his hardest to process the vision he saw. To one version of him, these would have been experiences and now memories. To him, though, these were all subtle tastes of a life he lost. He lost a touching moment with his father and a long awaited declaration of love from him. He lost the reconciliation with his brother and the confession that they had been more partners than rivals. Even though to him it had not yet happened, he missed it all, and it upset him deeply.
What hurt Loki the most was the idea that he lost his chance to feel his love reciprocated. Loki had never had much luck with romance. He was often seen as the sly younger brother and was usually too occupied to try and compete with Thor for the maidens at court. When he met you, he thought he had a chance. You were the first woman who saw him as his own person and not just as Thor’s brother. The relationship between the two of you had blossomed quickly and he found himself always sneaking away from his princely duties to see you. He had shown you his favorite places in Asgard and had opened up to you in ways he had never done before. He loved you and wanted you to be his. His one regret was not initiating a relationship before you had left for Midgard. And he thought his chances had been ruined by his actions in New York. Oh, how wrong he was.
Before Loki can dwell on his future more, Mobius comes bursting into the room.
“Ah Loki, glad you made your way back here. I have something for you,” he says.
“If this is another one of your tricks, I’m not currently in the mood,” Loki responds coolly.
“Just trust me on this one.”
Mobius shouts over his shoulder for someone to “bring her in.” Loki eyes the guards who walk in suspiciously until he notices who they bring with them. He can hardly believe his eyes. The gods in all the realms must be smiling down on him today, after all, because there you stand. He takes in your hideous red and white space suit, emblazoned with the Avengers logo, and he’s at least thankful he missed whatever battle this suit was required for.
He quickly stands and rushes over to you, a smile quickly gracing his face. You meet his gaze with a smile that is just as big and tears begin to flow from your eyes.
“Loki,’ you start. “Is that really you?”
He nods and speaks, although his words are barely audible, “It’s me, my love.”
“God, I thought I lost you forever. That’s why I went back in time to find you.”
Loki nods, now, unable to believe what he’s hearing, “You went back to find me?”
“Yes, but look what good that did me,” you say with a smirk. Loki’s heart pulls and he feels he could fall over right there. Norns, he missed you and your witty humor.
“Well,” he says, reciprocating your sly attitude, “You found me did you not? I might not be the same Loki as you knew, but I am still Loki.”
“The good, kind, and honorable Loki that I call mine.”
Loki smiles and you move forward to give him a hug. You’re cautious, though, because you aren’t exactly sure what part of the timeline this Loki came from. Maybe you had already been dating, maybe not. That was something to figure out another time though.
“Alright then,” Mobius says from behind you, “Let’s get you two caught up on what you missed with each other.”
Today was certainly not Loki’s day. And he had cursed all that was good that he had ended up at the TVA, taken from the life he knew. But now? He didn’t mind. He knew the relationships that were broken with his brother and father had been mended, he knew that one version of him had sacrificed himself for good and he had you, not only in memory but in the flesh. And sure, you had lots to rediscover within your relationship, but you would do that together.
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sherberrt · 3 years
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Breakfast Mysteries | Loki x Reader
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  Reader is struggling with her new found magic so she distracts herself by doing small things around the tower, what happens when Loki discovers this and helps her calm down.
Note: After Thanos, no one died.  Peace on earth,  mostly. 
Loki’s POV
  Another morning means another day…glorious. I get dressed quickly using my magic to do so. Being the only one who gets up this early has its benefits, except I learned I wasn’t the only one. With the wave of my hand, a book flies off my shelf and in my hand as I walk out and begin to make my way to the kitchen. 
    Before I rounded the corner I heard the usual utensils being used and something cooking as the smell of breakfast found its way over to me. I suddenly more cautious to quieten my steps I peek around the corner to see (Y/n). Floating over everything in just her sleepwear and a silken black robe. Wait…that’s my robe? My focus falters until I see what exactly she’s doing.
  The poor girl still uses her abilities for casual wares. Not that I don’t do it myself but her abilities range farther than any other, Miss Maximoff being her equal if not superior due to more knowledge. 
  She starts to set out plates and utensils and there’s name tags for each one she sets up. Then she gets to mine…the name tags appears from behind her and into her hand and she sets it down, her tongue peaking out a bit to get it to perfection. Funny one…
 The food from the other side sets itself down on each of the plates and starts to look over her work. I can feel her pride from where I stand, before I step out she vanishes in thin air. My heart dropped as I felt myself rush to where she was standing look everywhere as to where she could have went in the near vicinity. An illusion? Astral form? If that’s what I was, maybe she wasn’t lacking in the knowledge field after all. I can hear the others down the hall and I vanish immediately heading the opposite direction too find her. As I do I see a glimpse of a golden form down the hall disappear around the corner and I follow it.
  This has happened every single day since the defeat of Thanos…Moving in with the Avengers had been new, but it still took time for them to adjust to my presence especially after what I had done. Except for her…Except for (Y/n). She welcomed me like my brother had, but had been grateful I was alive. To me that meant everything…
  But it stops every time I find myself in front of her door. This wasn’t new. I find her illusion or astral form go through this door and my hand hover the door knob only to back away. But today felt different. I grasped it and gave a small knock before entering. 
  My amazement continues as her, now fully knowing, her astral form is cleaning her room a bit and reorganizing the massive book shelf by her desk. Which her physical form is slumped over, fast asleep. Papers scattered, some with blueprints, others were letters, some were historical, and others were hand-written notes all about her abilities. My presence must have alerted her astral form and when I look at her, she vanished and her physical form jolted awake. She hit her head on the over hanging cabinet above her desk.   
  “Ow ow ow ow ow ow…” She gripped her head tightly now and I made my way over and put my hand over the area that she hit and used my magic to make the pain go away. 
  “Thank you….” She whispered looking up at me now.
  “My pleasure. Now can you explain why you’re using your magic to make us breakfast and clean instead of just fully resting?”
  “Oh…uhh. I just didn’t-“
  “You must forget I am also the god of lies so I can tell when someone is lying to me.” Her sheepishly smile grows and she stands to meet my gaze, slightly only to look away and look at the mess around her room.
  “Just thought I make things easier on everyone else. Help them out a bit, I guess after everything that’s happened.” She takes one of the books from her desk and walks by me to her desk and puts it up. My robe flowed behind her as she floated to its top shelf.
  “Figured if your guys’ lives were less hectic without worrying about the smaller things, maybe mine would to. Seeing as I’m a mess and can’t even figure out why Odin hid me away for so long, my abilities and lineage that is.” She gestured to her entire room and the papers on her desk, I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle and she with me.
  “If that had been the case, darling, then why didn’t you just say so?” Caught myself off guard calling her that…
  “I..I don’t know. Maybe too afraid to. My place is here, watching the tower and figuring my abilities out so nothing happens. My powers are unpredictable and by distracting myself with this I don’t worry about hurting anyone.” Her smile faded as she spoke and when she landed her weight shifted to lean against her bookshelf and she hugged herself, in doing so it made her look smaller as if she was trying to hide or fade into the shelf itself. I set my own book down on her desk behind me and slowly approach her. I hated seeing her sad and it seemed she had become more distant than before and I never noticed…
  “Nothing will happen. You’ve proven time and time again just how controlled you are over these powers. If anything, those oafs could take a note from you about discipline.” She let out a smile at that still hugging herself tighter. My hands find her biceps and grip them tightly but gently. It caused her to look me in the eyes and my breath caught itself in my throat.
  “You should never feel as if you can’t talk to them…or me at least. I’ll listen to you every second of everyday if that meant you didn’t feel this way.” 
  “Thank you, Loki. Coming from you, it means a world of difference.” She leans in quickly and I feel a tightening sensation around my torso, realizing she’s hugging me. I do the same in wrapping my hands around her as well and pulling her in tightly. Burying my head into her hair. 
  “Also...is that my robe?” She pulls away now suddenly, arms not leaving my waist.
  “O-oh, yea I think so. Scott was doing the laundry last so he put it in my pile thinking it was mine. I can give it back!” 
  “No. Don’t worry about it....it suits you better anyways.” Even with my silver tongue I can’t get give her the proper compliment she deserves.
  “Thank you. Its quite soft by the way. I don’t think I could give it back if I wanted to.” She giggled at that and I gave her a smile.
  “Now...how about to get your mind off things, you take a day off and go wherever your heart desires.” I ruffle her hair and I can hear a hearty laugh come from her as she pushes my hand away and she attacks my own. 
  “Only if you come with me...”
  “Well how could I say no...” Her smile grows bigger and so does her doe eyes. I could never say no to her, not ever.  
  Maybe one day I’ll tell her what she does to my heart...but for now I think I’ll enjoy today with her.
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thisisarcanereverie · 3 years
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What it Means to be Worthy (Thor x Reader)
ULTIMATE MASTERLIST
THERE IS SMUT IN HERE 18+ YOU THIRSTY SONS OF BITCHES.
WARNINGS: unprotected sex (wrap it up pals) Do NOT read unless you are 18+. 
Also I have never written smut before so I hope it’s ok. I honestly couldn’t have written it if I hadn’t been listening to Deity by Valeree (highly recommend listening while reading the smut. It will probably make it better.) 
“Thor,” you called the God of Thunder, “Thor it’s (Y/n).”
You heard a small grunt coming from the living room as you entered through the front door. You immediately went to cover your nose from the stench that invaded your senses upon entering. 
It seemed as though the whole house smelled of rotten food, sweat, and something akin to a pigs feces. It was a smell that you never quite got used to, even after 2 years of smelling it every day. 
You quietly made your way through the house until you saw a sight you were quite used to seeing now. 
Thor on the ground, shirtless, covered in sweat and grime. His beard was filthy from vomit and dandruff and his hair greasy and matted to his head. 
There had been a time where he cared so much about his hair that he got triggered if you had tried to trim it. 
After 2 years of seeing this scene before you, it failed to surprise you. 
Now it just angered you. 
You knew you couldn’t understand the pain he was in, he lost his entire family, half his people, and Asgard. 
Sure, the people of Midgard were generous and gave your people sanctuary, a place for your people to call home once again. 
But that didn’t stop you from missing Asgard’s golden palace and it’s mountains of lush green forests. How you missed running with Thor and Loki through those forests after dark to get to the highest peak you could to watch the glittering of the gold during sunrise. 
You had been playmates with the Princes since infancy. You had trained and fought alongside them in battle, joined them in celebrations after each conquest, mourned the loss of Frigga with them. 
You went with Thor all those years ago to retrieve Loki and joined the Avengers with him. 
But now the Avengers were gone, long since disbanded before the battle of Wakanda. 
You weren’t angry at him, your anger was towards the cruel fate that had befallen your precious friends. You had cared for Loki, almost as much as Thor if not equal to. 
If you were honest, you weren’t in better shape. Your grief had taken hold of you as well. Your kind smile had turned cynical. Anyone who tried to get close to you often was met with your icy glare and scoff. 
Thor was the only one who brought out the caring person you once were. 
With a deep sigh you expertly walked around the empty booze bottles and to the grieving man before you. Thor may have gotten soft around the middle but he weighed about the same as you slumped his arms around your shoulders. Thor groaned and went pale, his eyes barely opening. 
“C’mon blondie,” you softly spoke, “let’s get you washed up.”
You half dragged the god to the bathroom, he threw up halfway there but you paid no mind. You would clean that after getting him in the shower. 
You didn’t bother stripping him before setting him in the tub. Without warning or mercy you pointed the shower hose directly at his face and turned the water to icy cold. 
Thor yelled at the icy feeling, borderline pleading, for you to turn off the water. However, over the course of 2 years the patience you had for him had worn thin and so you continued to spray until the stench subsided a little. 
Thor was fully awake and sober now, seeing your figure as clear as day tower over him in the tub with a look on your face akin to a mother scolding a misbehaving child. 
Thor felt so small and powerless under your gaze and he loathed it. 
“You could have stopped a while ago.”
“This needs to stop Thor.” 
Your hands motioned to him, Thor once admired those hands and the strength that they had. Now he just found them annoying. 
He found you annoying. 
You came by everyday and pulled him out of his stupor, clean up after him a little, and try to clean him up. You treated him like a child who couldn’t take care of himself and he loathed it so. 
“I am King of Asgard you do not get to tell me what to do.”
“What King would wallow himself in such a way.”
He bolted upright and stood in the tub, successfully towering over your frame, you had gone too far. You didn’t get to say such things to him. 
What Thor didn’t count on was the world getting fuzzy and a little dark when he stood up, so although he towered over you he was as stable as a wind chime. 
You held onto his frame to prevent him from falling flat onto his face. You felt Thor stiffen under your touch. 
You knew Thor was now sensitive and insecure in areas he never was before. 
It seemed like yesterday that he was admiring himself in one of Asgard’s golden mirrors, his long hair had looked like spun gold in Asgard’s sunlight and his figure was that befitting of a god. 
But none of that had ever mattered to you, even when Thor became full of himself to the point of him being ill tempered and arrogant, you couldn’t find it in yourself to ever give up on him. 
Not that you tried to give up on him anyways.
Loki had asked you one day why you didn’t. Why didn’t you give up on the golden prince when he clearly would never feel the same way. 
“I love him too much to be without him. Even if that means watching him parade himself around as a peacock and watch women fly to him like bees to honey.” 
Then Thor was banished and the only reason why you didn’t follow was due to Loki’s intervening. 
Then Thor met Jane Foster. 
The memory of the beautiful scientist brought back bittersweet memories. You had never seen Thor so deep in love, and that made you both sad and happy. 
Happy that he finally found someone who could keep him humble and who he loved just as much as you loved him. 
Sad that when you often caught Thor daydreaming, that it wasn’t you he was daydreaming about. 
You shook yourself out of your thoughts and sat the giant on the edge of the tub while you went to gather fresh clothes for him. 
You gathered a simple sweatshirt and pants for him to pull on once he was finished with his shower. 
As you set the clothes beside the sink you couldn’t help but feel the gnawing feeling in the deepest parts of your heart and the nagging thoughts in your head. 
You knew that Thor was hellbent on this self destructive path and you knew that there was nothing you could possibly do to prevent it. 
It was either you let Thor drown himself in his despair or you let him drown you with it as well. 
You had accepted long ago that Thor would never see you as anything more than what you had always been. 
His playmate since infancy. 
The girl who got a starry look every time he entered a room. 
You had saved up money from the jobs you had worked over the past 2 years, you finally saved up enough to get away from New Asgard. Leave its people to the hands of their self pitying King and Val. 
It wasn’t like they needed you or the other way around. 
No one would notice your absence. 
You began to pick up around Thor’s home, recycling empty liquor bottles and trashing pizza boxes and rotted food. Vacuuming the carpets and dusting here and there. 
This will be the last time you do as such. 
You needed to leave, staying here and wallowing in Thor’s despair and depression as much as your own wasn’t good for you. And you knew deep down you had been enabling him, every time you cleaned his house and washed and fed him you knew that he only got worse and that you were supporting him when you did this. 
You needed to leave for Thor’s sake as much as your own. 
You wondered how long it would take him to notice. 
You couldn’t bring yourself to tell Thor, you doubt he would even care at this point. 
The walk back to your house was only a few minutes, having moved into the house closest to his in case of emergency. 
Most of your things were packed and already in your apartment in New York waiting for you. Well things of value, the rest you had sold online, it was amazing what the internet could do. By far one of the greatest inventions on Midgard in your opinion. 
All that was left to do was, pack a few pieces of clothing and toiletries. 
And write a goodbye letter to Thor explaining where you went and why. 
You had avoided writing it, not wanting to say goodbye. Not wanting Thor to not care. 
It wasn’t like you were completely leaving Thor, Valkyrie (Val as you called her) assured you that she would make sure he didn’t starve or drink himself to an early grave. 
You trusted her to make good on her promise. 
You leaving wasn’t even your idea in the first place, Val had tried to get you to leave a year earlier, but you were too stubborn to leave then. 
You grabbed the piece of stationary and began to write. 
‘Thor, 
By the time you're sober enough to read this I’ll already be gone. I don’t predict that I’ll be back. 
Val will be making sure you don’t starve or drink yourself into an early grave in my place. 
I just can’t do this anymore Thor. 
I had loved you since we were but children running around the palace gardens, I still do. However I accepted the fact that you could never see me as anything more than your old playmate and dear friend so long ago. 
I had tried to be by your side in a supporting role no matter how much it had hurt me. 
When you became an arrogant ass I tried my hardest to explain away your tantrums. 
When you came back from banishment I listened to you swoon over Lady Jane Foster with a smile on my face even though it tore me apart. 
I had stayed with you, took care of you. It took me so long to realize that I had just been enabling you this entire time. 
I had been supporting your self destructive behavior and I refuse to play that part any longer. I need to leave, not just for me but for you. 
You need to sort through your emotions, you need to learn how to handle yourself by yourself. You need me not holding your hand when you do that. 
I need to discover for myself what it means to be worthy-’
A loud pounding at your door disrupted your train of thought as you wrote. Normally no one would bother you, not unless it had to deal with Thor. 
The floorboards creaked as you made your way to your door. The pounding had not ceased until you flew the door open to reveal Thor. 
His hair was still damp from his shower and the sweats you had picked out were already stained from the beer he held in one hand. His sky blue eye was hidden behind dark shades. 
“(Y/n),” Thor said, “I need a thing.”
“Thor right now isn’t a good time.” 
“Don’t worry Lady (Y/n) it won’t take even a second I’ll be in and out.” Thor assured, flashing you a smile that could make your legs go weak. Despite how much hurt you were in you were still no match for Thor’s charms. 
“What thing do you need?”
“Just a thing I’ll know the name of it when I see it.” 
You stepped aside as you let Thor in, hoping that he won’t notice the lack of furniture or the note left on the table. You decided to let him be while you went and finished packing whatever was in the bathroom. After that you went back to the living area where you had left the note only to see Thor sitting on the couch, his fingers clenching the paper tightly. He had taken his shades off, the deep dark circles stood out against his skin a tribute to how tired he truly was. 
He looked up and you were taken aback by the sorrow that filled his eyes. red rimmed the blue eye as fresh tears began to fall. 
“You weren’t supposed to read that yet.” 
“And when was I supposed to read it then?! When you were god knows where you will be!” His voice bellowed as tears continued to fall down his cheek. 
“Thor please don’t yell.” 
“No (Y/n)!” he cut you off, “you,” his finger pointed at you, his gaze as intense as lightning, “you don’t get to leave like this. You don’t get to leave me too.”
“Thor I don’t have a choice,” you argue, “I need to let you go. I need to find who I am without you and you need-”
“DO NOT TELL ME WHAT I NEED!” 
You could hear thunder roaring in the distance outside, lightning danced around his fingers faintly. Thor had never scared you, but right now you were close to it. 
“Thor,” you say calmly hoping somehow your calm tone will calm the God of Thunder, “I’m sorry for choosing the cowards way, I wanted to avoid this.”
“Did you truly think you would be able to avoid me for long.” The lightning had yet to cease but his eyes seemed to stop glowing ever so slightly. 
“I didn’t think you would have noticed for at least a few days.” 
“Why would you think I wouldn’t notice immediately?” He asked like it was the most incredulous question. He took a step closer to you while you took a step back. Thunder still roared outside and lightning still curled around his fingers. Thor furrowed his eyes in confusion until he finally seemed to hear the thunder storm outside and realize he had scared you. 
Thor had scared you. 
Immediately the pain in his chest worsened with the guilt that he had scared you. That he had so little control over his powers when he was so emotional. Slowly he closed his eyes and he took a deep breath in and out. He then felt his powers subside and the thunder had stopped. 
You could see his shoulders hunch forward with shame and you instictivly placed a hand over his shoulder to comfort him. Thor was quick to envelop your hand with his. Holding onto your hand for dear life. 
Your eyes then met, closer than you had ever been before. 
“What thing were you looking for?” you asked softly, “you said you came over for a thing.”
“I lied,” Thor admitted softly, “I just didn’t want to be alone.” 
The next thing you knew was the faint taste of beer and blueberries on your lips and strong, calloused hands making their way to your shoulders. 
Thor was just as good a kisser as you imagined. Lips moving expertly over your own, moving against yours so desperately. Like a man dying of thirst. 
You knew you should push him off of you, but for one second you wanted to enjoy his lips on yours. Kissing you like you had always wanted to kiss him. 
You moved your lips against his, relishing every moment. Because you knew you wouldn’t be able to kiss him again. 
Only when Thor's hands traveled to your waist did you break away. Albeit, you couldn’t push him further than just enough to give you some breathing space. 
“Thor,’ you said, “you’re drunk you don’t want this.” 
‘When will you stop telling me what I want and don’t want.” His lips moved from your lips to the corner of your mouth and slowly made their way to your neck. 
“Thor I do not want this if your reasoning is impaired.”
“I appreciate the thought dear one, but I only had half a beer tonight.” 
Asgardians could handle their booze well, especially Thor. For Thor to be the least bit intoxicated he would have had to drink 3 large bottles of Asgardian booze. However, when it came to Midgard it took 4 large barrows of Midgardian beer for it to have the same effect on him. Thor mostly drank it for the taste.
“Unless you would rather I stop.” Thor said, before his hands had removed themselves from your waist you stopped them. 
With every ounce of passion in you, you grabbed a handful of his long hair and pressed your lips to his. 
It was a mess of passionate and needy kisses and moans. Thor’s battle-worn hands had roamed over your body in a desperate need to feel you. 
He was quick to rid you of your shirt, hands feeling every inch of naked skin as he could. Holding you like you were the only thing keeping him grounded to the earth. 
You moaned as his hands found your breasts, his large hands covering them over your bra. Your hands made quick work with your bra, removing the suffocating fabric before lifting Thor’s shirt. 
you felt him stiffen as you rid him of his shirt. 
He wasn’t as muscular as he had been 2 years ago, however it took more than 2 years to completely diminish what his body had been. Although his stomach had softened as well as his arms. You didn’t care in the slightest, loving Thor in every shape he came in. 
Your hands lovingly brushed over his torso as you began to leave open mouthed kisses down his neck, over his chest, it wasn’t until you were at the waistband on his sweatpants did he bring you back up and kissed you with fiery passion. 
Thor laid you in front of the fireplace that you forgot you lit a while ago. Honestly a little surprised that the fire was still going. 
You didn’t have much time to think about that as you felt Thor’s lips travel  from your neck and over your breasts. Your nails scratched the floor beneath you as you felt him at the waistband of your jeans. 
You felt Thor pause and you looked at him. 
“Are you sure dear one?” 
Your heart melted at the new nickname, as you nodded to him. However that wasn’t enough for the blonde adonis as he traveled up your body and littered your neck in open mouth kisses. 
“I need to hear you say you want this dear one.” 
“Please Thor,” you pleaded as he ground his hips into yours slowly, your hips meeting his as his pace slows even more successfully driving you insane. 
“I need you Thor.”
“What do you need dear one?”
“I need you to finish what we started.” 
With that Thor slammed his lips on yours as he rid you of your pants, underwear included. He leaned back and his eyes drank in your figure illuminated by the fire light. You were breathtaking, any one would buckle at the sight of you. 
Pride swelled in Thor’s heart as this view was reserved for him only. 
Just as you were about to say something you felt Thor’s beard tickle the inside of your thigh and without warning Thor dived in. 
Your hands immediately flew to his hair and grabbed fists full of it, anything to tether you to reality. 
As Thor worked his magic on your bundle of nerves your moans filled the empty house. Thor moaned as your grip on his hair tightened which sent waves of pleasure throughout your body. Thor lifted your legs over his shoulders and gripped your thighs firmly as his tongue worked faster. 
Just as you were about to reach your blissful release you felt him pull away. Your arousal practically dripped from his lips onto his beard. 
He rid himself of the last piece of clothing before capturing your lips once again. Unlike the kisses from before, this was gentle and sweet. You could taste yourself on his lips as he tenderly kissed you. 
You slowly ran your hands over his chest, committing him to memory. 
Thor pulled away from your lips as he entered you. 
Your mouth let out a silent scream of pleasure as Thor let out a shaky breath of pleasure. Thor waited for a few seconds, relishing in the feeling of you around him before finally moving his hips against yours. 
Thor was soft and slow in his thrusts, making sure to worship every part of you. His lips were everywhere, from your face to your breasts. 
You met in time with his thrusts. The only sound in the room being your shaky breaths, moans of pleasure, and skin on skin. And it sounded like a chorus to you. 
Thor’s thrusts became erratic and unyielding, the knot in your stomach was on the verge of bursting when Thor whispered in your ear. 
“Let go dear one, I’ll catch you.”
With that the knot had become undone, leaving your body shaking from the overwhelming pleasure. 
Thor had not been too far behind you before he too reached his climax. 
Thor laid down beside you, still coming down from his high. You laid your head on his chest and he instinctively wrapped his arms around you. 
This was everything you had ever wanted, to lay beside Thor with his arm beside you. Well almost everything. 
As Thor began to play with the ends of your head as you replayed the past two years in your head. 
“I think you may have been right.” Thor broke the silence, you lifted your head off his chest to see his gaze distant as he stared at the ceiling. 
“When have I ever been anything otherwise.”
Thor’s chest rumbled in laughter as unshed tears began to fill his eyes. He refused to cry, not now. 
“I agree that you need to leave dear one.” Thor’s voice cracked, “I have become a pitiful king to my people, but I have been an even worse friend to you.” his eyes left their place on the ceiling and rested on your face. “You have been faithfully by my side ever since either of us could remember. You had defended me when I didn’t deserve it and loved me when no one did. Not even myself.” His calloused hand caressed your cheek, thumb brushing the tears that had escaped your eyes away. “you don’t deserve to drown in my despair with me. You deserve a life of adventure and you deserve the time to figure out who you are.” You pressed your forehead to his as tears leaked out. “I need to let you go.”
---
Thor had spent the night committing every touch and every scent to memory. He had no idea when his feelings for you grew to such lengths but he knew now that he had figured it out much too late. 
He wasn’t the man you deserved by your side. 
Thor waved you off at the airport and watched as the metal contraption took you away from his side for the first time since his banishment all those years ago. 
He hoped that if you returned he would be a man worthy of you again. 
Thor only wished he knew where to start.
217 notes · View notes
tokoyamisstuff · 3 years
Text
Scandal Ch. 6 - Loki x Reader
Summary: In that most crucial moment, how will Loki decide? If he doesn’t take this last chance your husband will be beyond redemption.
Warnings: Violence, Death, Mentions of Torture (just the same amount as in the original movie)
Words: ~1300 sorry it’s so short
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I Story Masterlist I General Masterlist I
Taglist: @catlover092402152, @hi-there-x, @haloangel391, @misssilencewritewell, @babayaga67, @accioremuslupinn, @mochimommy2002, @just-someone-who-likes-to-write, @damalseer, @bethanystan, @loser-alert, @star017, @nina1800, @queenariesofnarnia, @n1fangirlsblog, @vengefulsokovian, @lunamoonbby​, @freyagallileaevans, @emmojoy​, @literate-lamb​, @aninnai​, @justsomerandompersonintheworld @spicy-avocado​ 
“You have your mother’s eyes...”
Even in the face of destruction, Loki could not avert his gaze from the little being in his arm. It had been way too long since that fateful night - and this time, your husband wanted to imprint every little detail of his son’s face into his heart.
“Liam...” his name was a sacret prayer on his lips, “Yes, she chose your name well. You will grow to be the strong warrior that protects our new kingdom.”
The baby took a hold of his father’s finger, making him gasp in awe and adoration - this was everything he had wished for. “How could I ever doubt my love for you?”
Loki took firm steps onto the balcony of the Stark Tower, as if the death and destruction he caused was not still happening, right there under his feet.
Countless screams and cries were unsucessfully dringing to his ear, yet not his mind as he invested himself with what he thought most important.
“Your mother and you will have everything you need and more” he cooed confidently, gesturing towards the flames igniting the city. “Out of the ashes, I  will create a new kingdom. I promise to make our wildest dreams become reality, to care for and protect you for all eternity!”
"Don’t fucking touch my child with your filthy hands!” Startled by the familiar voice, Loki finally managed to look up from his son’s face. “Take your hands off of him!”
“Oh, my...” he uttered, his trademark grin decorating his face. Just a small bit of magic was needed for him to teleport Liam a safe distance away, holding the sceptre in his hand now. “What a foul mouth you developed, my love. You sure have stayed on Midgard far too long.”
You had only awoken mere seconds ago, broken by the dramatic scene unfolding right in front of your very eyes, with your husband blissfully unaware of those consequences of the atrocities he was committing.
And if only you knew that he had stabbed Thor out of jealousy for taking his place, just before throwing him down the tower...
“Look around you, Loki!” Even though your tone was full of anger, you never stopped believing that your husband could still have a change of heart. “Wake up from that unjust dream! This is madness!”
You grabbed his shoulders, shaking him ever so slightly. “Please, can’t you see how the people are suffering? Is this a world in which you want Liam to grow up in?”
“Why can’t at least you understand me?!” your husband now shoutet at you, and you would never get used to seeing him like this. “Together, we can make a better, greater world! Where no one has to go through the same misfortune that we had to! These sacrifices are necessary!”
However, just as he was voicing his reasons, a sole tear escaped his eye - and when he blinked, that same shady blue was shining in his irises.
“Snap out of it, Loki! I beg of you!” Frantically, your lips found his, hoping for your healing aura to reach through to him. “Do it for us, your family!”
“If you fail, there will be no realm, no barren moon or crevice where he can’t find you.” Just when Loki was about to win the battle he was fighting inside of his heart, the words of Thanos and his cruel torturer shot through his mind like a painful lightning stike. “You think you know pain, Odinson? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain...everyone you love will die right in front of your eyes, in the most gruesome deaths imagineable -  starting with that woman and her child!”
“I-I cannot stop, Y/N!” His voice was shaking, struggling internally if he could really doom so many people just to know you safe. “I want- no, need to do this, for Liam and you!”
“That’s just your fear speaking, Loki! Your mind is betraying you!” You clung onto him for dear life, trying to make him understand. “Whoever did those unspeakable things to you so you’d work for him, we can beat him! Together!”
“It’s not that easy!”
“Can’t you for one damn time trust me?!?” Every syllable of that sentence hit his heart like daggers “I do, Y/N, but-”
“No!” Never before, no matter how sad or frustrated you were with him, you had raised your voice - but now you were practically screaming on the top of your lungs. “If this is your final decision, then do it: Take me under your spell. Because I couldn’t live with myself if I’d allow this to happen.”
You grabbed the handle of the staff, pressing your chest against it’s tip. “The Avengers will defeat you, and take care of my child. At least them I can trust!”
“And this is where she is right.” The voice was Tony, god knows just how long he was listening to that scene from behind the bar. The Hulk had appeared outside of the building as well, while the other Avengers were still busy evacuating the civilians.
“Y/N, I would never...” Loki completely ignored the threat at hand, still devastated by your declaration. “Be sure of my unconditional love, at least!”
“He’s slipping!” you yelled towards the team, waving for them to come over. “Loki is only doing this due to the Tesseract manipulating him! We need to destroy it!”
“Easier said than done, sweety” Iron Man scoffed, “It’s leading this army towards humanity. We’ve been onto it this whole time.”
“Enough!” Loki threatened, baring his teeth! “We are gods! No one talks to my wife like that! And I will not be bullied by-”
At long last, the Hulk interrupted the Trickster God’s speech through sheer violence, and you could only cover your eyes at the sight of your husband being thrown around like a ragdoll without him making an attempt to fight back.
“Stop!” You screeched, sobbing as you ran towards the beast. “Please, he’s willingly getting beaten up! We yield, so stop!”
You fell onto your knees, gently putting your wheezing husband’s head onto your lap as you tried to tend to his wounds. “It’s over, Loki.”
“Ha...” he laughed weakly, “I knew you still cared for me.”
“Of course, you insufferable fool!” Tears of yours dripped down your chin onto his face, and you placed a forgiving kiss on his forehead. “Welcome back, my love.”
“The...the device-” you wanted him to spare his strenght, but he insisted that it was important. "All this time, I don’t know what happened, but- it was like being in trance...yetw I managed to slip a subtle order to that scientist, Erik Selvic - to make it imperfect. The machine can be turned off or even destroyed. It’s not too late, go!”
“I won’t leave you alone!” With your whole essence, every fibre of your being, you would swear. “Never again! We won’t get separated, no matter what follows!”
While the other Avengers were assembling again, ready to stop the apocalypse, you held your husband tight. His mind was still messed up, like waking up after being in a dream-like state - but he would pull himself together and stay strong, for you.
Yet subconscious, he had always been present that whole time. "Everything I have done, I-I don’t know where to start. Someone like me doesn’t even have the right to apologize.”
“I think you have wallowed in your own pity long enough, am I not right, my love?” you scolded him harshly, yet still with a hopeful smile on your face.
Carefully helping him back up, Loki would collapse right into your welcoming arms once again. “Will it really turn out to be alright?”
“Yes. We will figure everything out, and then you will continue living - so you can apologize to me, Liam and everyone you have hurt every single day. Do you understand?”
55 notes · View notes
wolfish-trickster · 3 years
Text
Young Oak Sapling
Part 2 to this (I seriously need to stop writing accidental multichapter fics...)
Loki x female!reader
Word count: 1,7K
Warnings: typos (as always), angst, fluff (it's there, I promise!)
Tag list: @gaitwae @lucywrites02 @hard-to-be-the-bard @birdgirl90 @laramoonworld @forevernthensome @kozkaboi
A/N: this is really messy, i'm sorry
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'You have always been like a little sister I always wanted. I'm so sorry, we can still be friends'
For some unknown reason he kept having dreams about that one evening. 'Dreams,' he would scoff, 'more like nightmares.' They always end horribly. Either with you never talking to him again out of shame or him delivering those lines not so gently.
Loki couldn't understand why he kept dreaming about it. About her. How the light in her eyes slowly died when he told her. He told her the truth, right? It was the right thing to do, right?
*
She was hanging out with that soldier again. Loki's mouth twisted into disgusted grimace when he spot how he put his arm around her shoulders, how she held the single dandelion he gave her. A dandelion? Please, he couldn't really fall that low to give a lady some common weed, could he? A lady with such charm and class like Y/N deserves a dozen roses for every day she blessed this world with her smile and laugh.
Loki's eyes widened. Why was he thinking of her like that so suddenly? He never thought of her like that before. No. She's just a friend. Like his little sister. That's what he told her. She believed him. Now he has to believe it himself.
*
Sudden rain drove Loki away from his new favourite sitting spot in the corner of the garden. The oak stump. If only he kept a part of the tree. A twig or a leaf. He would've carried it around like a talisman. Or acorn, so he could grow another oak, even though it wouldn't be the same one.
His mind was on autopilot, he didn't even realize his legs carried him to your bedroom door. He stood there like a statue. Listening for any sounds. For any voices. He heard nothing. You must be somewhere else. That realization made him even more anxious. You could be with that soldier again. He can't have that.
He walked to only place he could always find you: library. As he wanted to open the heavy door you ran into him, colliding into his chest.
"Sorry-" your relax expression changed when you looked up into his eyes
"Hi," he smiled softly.
"Hello," you greeted, but without a smile. You tried to walk by him when he stopped you with his hand on your shoulder.
"Why are you running away from me?"
"I'm not. It's just.... this," you gestured between him and you, "it's awkward."
"Oh, so you avoid me, your oldest friend, and spend your entire day with Hofferson then," Loki crossed his arms on his chest.
"Aren't you supposed to be on a date or something?" you pushed yourself pass him, poison in your voice.
"Aren't you supposed to spend some time with me too?"
"I can't Loki. I'm trying to get rid of all of my feelings for you! I can't be near you if I want it to work!" you nearly screamed in his face.
Those words hurt Loki more than he thought. "Getting rid of ALL feelings? So you're trying to hate me then."
"No! Understand that I can't be friends with someone I love!"
"Platonic love exists too, you know," Loki remarked.
You rolled your eyes. "Whatever. I don't want to argue with you anymore, I'm going."
"Where?" he asked as you escaped him.
"To someone that cares about me, and not just platonicly!" you shouted behind your back and ran.
*
He hasn't had a word or a single alone time with you since then. You were always near that soldier, always talking to him, hugging him, hanging on his arm all the time.
Loki felt nausea whenever he saw Y/N with anyone but him. He wasn't used to seeing Y/N with other men, she was always near him. He missed her. Her laugh, her smile, her hugs. Everything.
No matter how many girls or boys he came across on streets, none of them could ever take your place. None of them smiled as brightly or as truly as you always did. Even when he was telling you about anyone he was interested in, you still smiled and wished him well with the person. You wanted him to be happy, even if it hurt you.
So why can't he do the same? Be happy you're with someone who will love you? Instead he grits his teeth whenever he sees the two of you together. Why does he want you all to himself? Why the thought of you being with someone else makes him throw up?
Loki sighed and held his head in his hands. It is true what they say. You'll realize you love somebody only after you lose them.
*
He felt like a coward. Standing in front of your bedroom door, with heart anxiously pounding in his chest.
Loki took a deep breath and knocked. No one answered. You must be out again. With him.
He shook the thought away and opened the door. If anything, he'll at least be able to give you a message without having to look into your eyes. While he was looking for a piece of paper and a pen around your room he noticed a new pot on your windowsill. It was brown and smaller than the rest with a single tiny green sprout sticking from the dirt.
Loki took the pot in his hand, it was small enough to fit into his palm. He smiled. It was so tiny and fragile. He wondered what kind of plant it was.
Before he could use one of the runes to find out a door creaked open behind him. "What are you doing here?" you asked. He was so startled by you catching him he couldn't even deduce if you were angry or surprised to see him.
"I-I wanted to talk to you," he turned towards you.
You looked at his hand. "Why are you holding it? Put it back, you might break it!" before he could even move you rushed to him, took the pot from his hand and held it close to your chest. Could one be jealous when a plant gets a cuddle but her oldest friend doesn't? Apparently Loki could.
"What do you want to talk about? If it's some noble lady I don't want to hear it," you turned your head away from him.
Loki shook his head. "No, it's not a lady."
"Some son of a sailor then?"
"No, I came here to tell you something."
You turned your head back to him. "And what is that?"
Loki took a deep breath. It's now or never. "I came to a realization. And not just a common one. I didn't think my life could be so lonely without you in it. Every single day I've missed you, longed to spend time with you again. Laugh with you. It pained me to see that Hofferson boy with you. Ever since I saw the two of you in the stables I wanted to rip you away from him. Just like I every boy you got close to in our childhood. For a long time I couldn't understand why I wanted you all to myself and no other man. But now I do. It's because I love you. Romantically. Just like you love me," he didn't look away from you. He didn't dare.
You shook your head in disapointment. "You're so selfish, Loki."
He didn't expect that answer. It was far away from anything he was expecting. All blood left his face. "Well, that's what love makes out of person. It makes them selfish, possesive."
"So how come I could let you go after your monthly interests without complaining like you did?"
Loki froze. "Y-you're apparently a better person than me," he picked on his palm.
You hummed. "So...what now?"
Loki took your lack of emotions as a rejection. He concluded he traded places with you. Now you were the one without romantic feelings and he was the one being rejected.
He couldn't keep looking at the love of his life rejecting him. He studied the pot in her hamds instead. "Now? I guess I will have to find a spell to erase all romantic feelings I have for you and wish you all the best with Hoffer-I mean Arne," he thanked all heavens above for his training that didn't let him fall apart in front of you.
You looked at him, fear in your eyes." Why would you do that?"
Loki laughed. It was a bitter one, filled with sadness. "Because you don't love me anymore."
"That's not true," you whispered.
Loki's head snapped up. "What?"
"I-I said that's not true. I never stopped, no matter how much I tried. I even saved a little part of our tree," you said softly and caressed the little sprout.
"That's from the old oak?"
You nodded. "For some reason I couldn't just cut it down and erase its whole existence."
Now Loki knows what it means when a stone falls from someone's heart. "So, that means you still love me?" he asked hopefully.
You nodded. "And you love me too?"
"Of course my love. Can we please start over again?"
"I would love to," you blessed him with your kindest, purest smile.
"Can I kiss you?" he asked a little too excited.
"No," his heart fell to the floor, "you have to kiss me."
Loki sighed from relief. He walked over to you and cupped your cheeks. From up close your eyes were even more beautiful than he noticed the first time he kissed you. He reminded himself to tell you everyday from now on.
And just like that, the history repeated itself. Loki gently placed his lips on yours in a loving kiss. Your head spinned once again just like so many years ago. And one oak tree witnessed it all.
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hayleygray08 · 3 years
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You are my home.
Introduction: this is my first writing on here. Bare with me.
Summary: you are a new member of the team after tony finds you in a hydra raid. You are shy, reserved, and not very talkative at first until you realize the team is not going to hurt you. Once comfortable you show them your powers and fall for a certain super soldier, again.
I used google translate for words in Russian, so if the words are wrong. I apologize.
In my writing, no one is dead.
Pairing: bucky x reader, everyone else is platonic.
Genre: fluff, anguish, mentions of torture, blood.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am crouched in the conner,on the floor of my cell waiting for the guards to come get me. My daily training. More like torture.
They make me train as hard as I can and if they think I am slaking, I get a few thousand jolts of electricity shot through my body. Or even a few punches.
Yesterday was one of the worst days so far, that I can remember. I was getting random images flash inside my head, almost from a past life from what I saw, which made me loose focus quite a bit. In return the men who watch me train were heavy with the electricity jolts and even harder punches, anywhere they could land on my body. So, I was not looking forward to today's training.
I don't have a clock or windows in my cell but I knew every time they would come to get me. Like my body knew the exact moment every day. So when that time came and I was still in my cell I was growing a little worry. They are never late, sometimes early, but never late. Just then a siren rang out and the lights dimmed then went red. Was that the alarm for an intruder? How is that possible?
As a million thoughts ran through my head at what could possibly cause the alarm to go off. A very vivid picture or memory came to me and played on repeat. It looked to be the 40's, on a dock or a pier, I was laughing and looking out at the water. There were two guys with me. One was small, blonde hair, blue eyes, and had a small smile on his face. The second was bigger then the first, had brown hair, bright blue eyes, and laughing with me. Why do they look familiar? Why do I have two names on the tip of my tongue? Who are they? Just as I was about to say those names my cell door was blown off and there was a cloud of dust.
As the dust settles and I can properly see, there is a man in a red and gold suit of metal. He walks towards me as he says "Cap we got someone here. She looks no older then 24, covered in bruises, and looks terrified.""Yes, I'll make sure to get her out.""No, I can't tell if she is dangerous." He sighs and crouches down so he can look me in the eyes.
"Hi, I am Tony Stark, and I am going to take you away from here." Tony says and offers me a hand. I take it cautiously and follow him out the door and eventually outside.
Once we made it outside I take a deep breath. It felt so good to get clean air. I don't even remember the last time I was outside. Must have been years. I had to shield my eyes, it was so bright out. I didnt notice more people joining us. I was to busy looking at my hands and arms. Was I always this pale? I look up at the guy who took me away, Tony, and then darkness.
Tony catches me before I could hit the floor and runs into the jet. He lays be on a table and Bruce starts an examination. Nobody dared bother him. Nat hands Tony a flash drive and sits back down with the others.
While I was unconscious and now in the medbay at the compound, I was getting more images. Some are to fast to register what it was and some stayed a good while showing me a life I do not remember, but wish I did. Also things I did, hurting people, a chair, and training. It was all to much. To much pain, suffering, lose. I could feel myself have a panic attack. Which alerted everyone.
I jolted up into a sitting position clenching my chest and taking big gasps of air. My heart monitor going off like crazy. I looked around frantically, not recognizing where I was. I tried to rip out the Iv's but a pinching sensation in my shoulder makes me stop. I look up and see a women, before I am unconscious again.
Meanwhile in the common area Tony, Steve, Natasha, Wanda, Sam, Clint, Vision, Bucky, Bruce, Thor, Loki, Scott, and Peter all sat around looking at my file.
"Her name is y/n, y/ln. She was born in 1918, lived in Brooklyn, New York. Was taken by Hydra in 1946 while she was working on a S.H.I.E.L.D mission. Hasn't been seen since. Until about 2001 when she was spotted riding a motorcycle from a crime scene. Looked to be an assassination. Then again in 2003, 2005, 2007, 2012 and the last time in 2014. So the last time was 7 years ago. It shows she was trained like the winter soldier, but never met one another. But her powers got out of control and they have been training her to keep them in control since 2014. She has assassinated 6 men, 4 women, 2 children, and 1 hydra agent in a training gone wrong on that one." Tony reads outloud to everyone.
Steve and Bucky look at each other with a look in their eyes, as if they can't believe it. Then Tony brings up a picture of me for the group to see. Everyone gasps as a few photos show up. One is me, Steve, and Bucky at Coney Island. Then one of me and Bucky smiling at each other. Then there is one of me and Peggy Carter. Once all pictures are shown, all eyes are on Steve and Bucky.
"You know her?" Asked Natasha. Everyone silently asking the same thing.
"Yes, we know her. She was our friend. She grew up with us. She was our best friend. And a little more to Bucky." Steve answers quietly, looking at Bucky. It has been 78 years since he has seen her.
As they tell the others about me and what they remember, I am waking up again at the medbay. This time more calm. The nurses and doctors where asking me questions but I wouldn't answer them. They could tell they were not going to get anywhere with me, they called Tony and Bruce. I still would not talk to them.
How could I trust them? I don't even know them. For all I know they could be Hydra as well. With all these images popping up I don't even know what to believe anymore. Both men were throwing question after question at me. I didnt know how to answer. Or if I even should. Once they realized they were not going to get anywhere they left.
By the time I got the okay from the doctors, I was put inside a cell. Something I am all to familiar with. But this one was clean, had a comfortable bed, running water, and was warm. All the walls were glass and I could see people standing around watching me. Two I kinda recognized due to the images that I get. Each one would ask a question, each time I just stared ahead.
"We want to help you." A women with red and blonde hair spoke up after a few minutes of silence. I laughed.
"You want to help me? You don't even know me. How can you help me?" I responded quietly.
"Wanda has some powers and is able to look inside your head. Put the pieces together for you. Help you remember." The same women responded looking at another women with red hhai. I am guessing is Wanda.
"We read your file, y/n, let us help you remember the things they have taken from you." Tony says as he walks around. I don't respond, just look at everyone.
They gave up after 3 hours of silence from me and them asking questions. They leave me alone until a few days later. For those days they would bring me food, check to see if I am okay, then leave. It was Wanda, Tony, Bruce, and Steve that came a few days later. I watch them as they open the door to my cell and take a seat on a bench.
"If you are okay with this, we would like to try something. It does involve bringing back everything Hydra took from you. It might be painfull. But we think you should have the choice in remembering your life."Tony speaks up after a few minutes of silence.
Do I trust these people to try and help me? Do I even want the help? To remember all the pain I have caused and I life I will never get back.
I look at the four people in front of me and when I looked at the blonde man named Steve a memory came to me. It was just us two in a tent that looked to be on a base of some sort. He was the way he is now bigger then the other one I have seen. As if he grew or got on steroids. He was telling me about someone but it was fuzzy but I had this feeling of sadness.
I take a big breath in and look at them. "What do I have to lose? Not like I am going anywhere anytime soon." I tell them as I look at my hands.
I didnt see Tony nod at the door but did hear it open. I look up to see a young girl, with a different wardrobe then the others. She smiles kindly at me as she sits next to Wanda.
"Hi, my name is Shuri. I am from Wakanda and I can help you remember." I just stare at her.
"How long will this take?" I ask quietly.
"Depends on the damage they have caused for you to forget everything. Could be a few days, weeks, months. If you have trigger words. We will make.."
"Trigger words? What does that mean?" I interrupt her.
"Words that change you into a different person. Like they did witht he winter soldier. When we got the files from the base you were held in, shows you do have some." Tony says to me.
"Oh, so then I guess we should start this thing." I tell them. They did not expect me to say that.
They step out of my cell and start to say 6 words in Russian.
"девять- nine"
"машина-car"
"цветок-flower"
At this word I started to feel a crawling sensation run across my skin. I started to blink rapidly, my vision was getting foggy.
"слива-plum"
"банан-banana"
Now I'm rolling my shoulders, flexing my hands, shaking my head. That crawling sensation is getting thicker, heavier.
"рок-rock"
Once that last word was said I stand up, look at them with a blank expression, and cock my head to the side a little. "готов подчиниться- ready to comply."
They ready the words and I am me again. Well the shell of me that I know. I sit on the bed and take deep breaths. I did not like the feeling of having no control.
They watch me before they leave me alone for a little bit. I don't remember those words but it felt like my body did and it hurt badly.
As i sit and then pace and sit again for I don't know how long, everyone else is in the common area trying to figure out what to do next.
"Her words are different from Bucky's, why?" Same asks as they watch me in my cell.
"They made the words unique for that person. Hers are more girly because she is a girl and what she likes. They make it so only one person gets triggered and not all at once." Bucky says with a frown.
As they continue to talk and see the next step. I am going a little crazy in my cell. I started to throw everything that I could, I tried breaking the walls, the floor. I was screaming, crying, and bleeding. No one knew of my powers because it was not put in any files. So when I fall to my knees and scream everything shuts down and I pass out.
Once the lights were out, they were up and running to my cell. As people in the building were trying to get the power back on.
When they get to me I was laying on the floor and covered in some weird goo. That started right as I hit the floor. Bruce went to check if I was okay and when he tried to check my pulse he got shocked. He steps away and goes to the others.
"This is not in her file, didnt show if she had powers or not. Why would they do that?" Natasha says as the nurses come in hazmat suits.
"Because she is more dangerous then we thought." Steve says sadly.
*********
That is part 1. Possibly a part two.
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lokis-army-77 · 3 years
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If You Please
Chapter eleven
Bucky Barnes x Reader
Word Count: 3560
This is technically a reader insert but without the (y/n) and all that. She also has no name mentioned so feel free to imagine as you please.
Follow the reader through the events of the Captain America movies and experience her love for Bucky Barnes.
Warnings: none
Note: Honestly, this chapter reads a little weird to me but my friend who helps me edit said it was fine. IDK going from the 40s to 2012 is weird when trying to write.
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Seven months had gone by since Steve and I had been unfrozen. This new world I suddenly woke up in was exhausting. Everything had changed from the simplest thing like manners to complicated things like technology.
Days after waking up, we had been sent to a place called “The Retreat” so we could catch up on the seventy years we had missed out on. There was so much that we took to writing everything down in small notebooks, so we could remember.
I caught onto using the new technology quicker than Steve since I had worked with Howard Stark for several years. Being able to adapt to strange and new tech on the fly was a requirement when working with him.
After those few weeks there, we were both moved into two separate government apartments located in New York. I wish I could say that it got easier with time, but it didn’t. Instead of going to hang out with Steve or actually trying to make acquaintances with anyone, I just stayed in my room, locked away from everything. Coping with being in the future was the easy part, learning to live without everyone I ever knew was hard.
I hadn't known peaceful sleep in a long time. Every time I closed my eyes I am met with nightmares. The softness of the mattress had made it feel like I would fall through at any moment, back into the ice. To try and combat this I pushed my bed into the far corner of the room and made a cot directly under the frame. It felt safer to lay on the hard floor in the dark. The nightmares still came through, sometimes they were battles, sometimes they were of the plane crashing, but most of the time they were about losing Bucky. Every time I woke up in a cold sweat and never went back to bed. I just stared unblinking at the metal that made the bed frame.
One night after a particularly taxing dream I decided to take a walk. It was three in the morning, so I wouldn't have to deal with a lot of people. I changed out of my pajamas into some of the clothes I had been provided. The clothes of the future were tighter than in the forties. It had taken me a while to get used to the feeling of fabric clinging to my legs and upper body. The outside world was quiet except for the occasional car passing by. I kept my eyes to the ground, not really caring where I ended up. I only looked up when I was almost run over by another late-night walker. Peering from left to right, my eyes fixed on an old faded sign hanging above me. The letters were just barely readable and said in large letters ‘Boxing gym’. With another survey of the area, I realized where I was. This was the gym that Bucky used to take Steve when teaching him self-defense. I had tagged along a couple of times before I had joined the SSR, I was surprised it was still here. I smiled weakly and turned to the door. The light inside was on, it couldn’t hurt to see if they were open. The door creaked open and I slipped in quietly. The sound of someone working out came down the long brick hallway. Hesitantly I made my way to the open doors that led to the sparring room.
Stopping just past the threshold, to my surprise, I spotted Steve, who was busy punching the life out of a punching bag. I walked through the small office and around the boxing rings before I stopped again and leaned against one of the columns a few feet away from where Steve stood. I watched him for a while before he landed a hard punch on the bag and it flew off into the distance. I started clapping slowly and he turned around in shock.
“Good job, you broke the bag, but you do know you’re gonna have to pay for that right?”
“Hey kid, I haven’t seen you in a while. I came by your apartment but you didn’t answer.”
“I know Stevie, I just haven't felt up to company since we got back to New York. I hope you can forgive me.” He looked at me with sad eyes and took three long steps in my direction. His arms came out to engulf me in a hug.
“It’s okay, I understand. Promise you’ll tell me if something's wrong, okay?” I nodded into his chest and he squeezed me tighter.
“I couldn't sleep, I guess you couldn't either.”
“No, too many thoughts.” He let go of me and went to get two more punching bags. He hung them up a few feet away from one another before turning to me and asking if I wanted to join. Pretty soon we were both laughing together if it felt almost like we were back home before everything happened. That was until the same dark-skinned man from that day seven months ago showed up. I later learned he was Nick Fury, director of SHIELD.
“I’m glad to find you both here.” He stated.
“Are you here with a mission, Sir?” Steve asked.
“I am.”
“Is this to try and get us back out in the world?” I asked.
“No, I'm trying to save it.” he thrust out an open manila folder. I grabbed it slowly and brought it to where Steve and I could both look at it. The blue cube that had evaporated Johann Schmidt was in the photograph pinned to the first page. In large bold letters beside the pictures spelled out TESSERACT. We slowly walked to a nearby bench and sat down.
“That's HYDRA’s secret weapon. I thought it fell into the ocean that day,” I whispered.
“Howard fished it out of the water when they went looking for you both. He thought what we think, that this cube could be an unlimited sustainable energy source.” Fury informed us.
“Who took it from you?” Steve questioned.
“He’s called Loki, he’s not from around here. We have a lot we're gonna need to catch you both up on if you agree to help. This world has gotten stranger than you already know.”
“I doubt anything could surprise us anymore, right Stevie?”
“Yeah,” he agreed.
“Ten bucks says you’re both wrong.” Fury bet. We both got up from our seats and handed the file back. Steve went and grabbed another bag from the floor and I just headed straight for the door.
“There are debriefing packets at your apartments, read through them and get back to me by tomorrow afternoon. And before you leave, is there anything we should know about the tesseract?”
“You should have left it in the ocean.” Steve and I said at once before walking out of the gym. Once we were outside on the sidewalk we hugged and said our goodbyes for the moment and then went our separate ways.
The walk home felt longer than the walk to the gym, but this gave me time to think about what I wanted to do. Whether I wanted to go on this mission, or if I just wanted to lay low and live my life. By the time I walked through my front door I had almost made my decision, but I was waiting to read the file before I decided for good. With a quick look through the minimal information provided I sighed and threw the papers down onto my kitchen counter. Shaking my head I murmured to myself.
“No, I am not doing this. This cube is not worth it.” Rubbing my eyes I went back to my room and crawled under the bed, not caring that I was still in jeans and a t-shirt. I was not going to walk blindly into anything dealing with that cube again. I lost my fiance and everyone I have ever known because of that stupid blue thing, I'm not going to go anywhere near it again. I laid there quietly for a while before I eventually drifted off into a restless sleep.
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The next morning I woke up with a start, almost hitting my head on the bed above me. Furious honking made its way from the street into my room. One thing I definitely missed from the past was how quiet it once was at seven a.m.
Along with the decision to not join the mission, I had also made up my mind about leaving New York. This had been a long decision in the making and the talk with Fury last night was enough to make the choice for me. I couldn't live in this city anymore. The places I used to hang out at were still here, but they had been renovated so many times that they were unrecognizable. Everywhere I turned It was like I was walking through a strange alternate reality. I saw glimpses of the past, like ghosts around every corner, it was worse when it was a place Bucky and I frequented.
When I had gotten back from the Retreat I made the mistake of going to mine and Steve’s old apartment. It had been torn down to construct a bookstore, along with several other retail shops. I broke down in the street when I saw it, waves upon waves of emotions crashed into me. All the memories I had there with Steve, mom, and Bucky had no place to live now other than in my mind. The next mistake I made was to go down the next few blocks to Bucky’s apartment he shared with his mom and sister, Rebecca. It was no longer there either, a bakery stood in its place. I turned and left before the onslaught of tears came. After that day I thought it would be best to go somewhere else, somewhere I had no memories.
I crawled out from under the bed and slowly moved to the bathroom to start getting ready for the long day to come. Once I had showered and gotten dressed I sat myself down on the living room sofa, looking wearily at the telephone on the end table. Hesitantly I picked up the receiver and dialed the number that had been in the tesseract briefing file. It rang twice before Nick Fury answered.
“Mr. Fury, I’m calling to tell you that I won’t be joining your team for whatever mission you have going on. I just want to lay low and rebuild my life and live it quietly without interruption.” I let out a long breath.
“Well, that’s unfortunate. Was really hoping to have you fight with us. If you change your mind, you know where to contact me. Goodbye Agent Rogers.” He hung up quickly after that, not giving me a chance to tell him goodbye as well. The next call was going to be the hard one, I had to tell Steve my plans. I dialed his number slowly as I raised the receiver to my ear. It didn’t even have time to get through the first ring before Steve picked up.
“Hello?” He asked on the other end.
“Hey, it’s me.”
“What’s up kid. Have you called Fury about joining the mission? I called about an hour ago letting them know I’d help.” He sounded a little enthusiastic.
“That’s actually what I’m calling about. I’m not sure how you’ll feel about this but I’m not going to help with the mission.”
“Oh,” he sounded surprised. “Why not? I thought you’d want to help get rid of that thing once and for all.”
“It’s not that, I want nothing more than for the tesseract to be gone for good. I just don’t think I can be a part of it, I don’t want this thing to take over my life if we can’t get rid of it. This brings me to another important thing I need to tell you. I can’t stay here in New York, so I’m moving to DC.” He was quiet for a while after I had said that, the only thing I could hear coming from his side was his breath. I grew more anxious by the minute waiting for him to say something.
“What do you mean you’re moving? Why can’t you stay here with me?”
“Don’t be selfish.” I snapped.
“I’m not being selfish, you are.” he raised his voice. I huffed through my nose, getting annoyed.
“I can’t stay here any longer. I have no idea what it is like for you, but for me, being in this city is torture. I see ghosts from the past every time I leave my house. I can’t go anywhere without seeing him, and every time I see him, I break down. I never got to say goodbye and that day plays over and over in my head. Steve, I’m being tormented with nightmares to the point where I have barely gotten five hours of sleep in the past week. I need to get out of here whether you like it or not.” Tears had started to stream down my face as I yelled into the phone.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could have helped you, I still can help you if you let me. If you leave I can’t keep you safe, I can’t protect you like I’m supposed to.” He was using his soft “grown-up” voice he always used with me when I was younger to try and calm me down but the tears kept streaming down my cheeks at a rapid pace.
“I can protect myself, we did take the same serum,” I choked out. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to bother you with my problems, I can deal with them myself. Plus you have your own things to deal with, you don’t need to help me with mine.” My head was starting to hurt now and my cheeks and neck itched with quickly drying tears.
“Fine. The only way I will be okay with you leaving is if you promise to call me at least twice a week and you let me help you move.” I gave a strained laugh and nodded, even if he couldn't see it.
“Okay, it’s a deal. I actually already have an apartment lined up, so you can come over and help me pack everything up whenever you want to. I’m going to try and be out of New York by the end of next week.”
“I’ll be right over.” I laughed as I told him that I’d be waiting. I laid the receiver back down in its spot and stood up to go to the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror, thinking. I was glad my relationship with Steve could handle an argument, understand one another, then go right back to normal, I don’t think we would be this close if it couldn't. I blinked back a few stubborn tears and bent down to grab a rag from the sink cabinet, I dampened it in warm water then wiped the dried tears from my face. The warm water felt wonderful on my skin.
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Over the next week and a half, Steve and I boxed up what few belongings I had and packed them and the furniture into a moving truck. I didn’t own a car so the moving truck would be my transportation to DC. One of the many things SHIELD had us do was take a modern driving test, which wasn’t hard, just a few more signs to remember and more gadgets in the car than there used to be, I ended up passing with flying colors.
By Friday morning we had everything ready to go. Steve would follow me on his motorcycle and I would drive the truck the whole three and a half hours to my new apartment.
We stopped several times on the way down, mainly so Steve didn’t have to sit on the bike for the whole three hours straight. We also stopped for lunch. All in all the trip took us about five hours, with traffic added. We made it to my new home just after two and we started moving my belongings in immediately.
Admittedly the apartment was way too big for just me but I liked the extra space, it was different from the tiny two-bedroom apartment I had grown up in. The first thing I made sure to unpack and put up was the bed. I still hadn't told Steve I wasn’t actually sleeping in the bed, but he didn’t need to know that. After that clothes were sorted through and put in their respective places. With our enhanced strength and stamina, we had the whole place relatively furnished in just under two hours. We stopped for dinner when everything had been brought up from the moving truck.
The day went by fast with us talking and laughing like we used to, it was a good change of pace from my usual aimlessly roaming around my apartment alone. But, all good things have to come to an end and Steve had to leave. He pulled me into a tight hug, almost crushing me, and wouldn’t let go until I pinky promised to call him several times a week. I just laughed and promised him I would. I was sad watching him walk down the hallway to the stairs.
I turned back into my apartment and closed the door, locking it behind me. I stared at the box littering the floor and decided to get to work unpacking the rest of what we hadn’t gotten earlier.
Most of my belongings I found in thrift stores and antique shops around the city. It may have been the twenty-first century now, but that wasn’t stopping me from making my home a comfortable, familiar space. If you walked in from the outside world, you would have thought you had been transported to the past with how much authentic 1940s and before things I had littered about. Some things had been saved from the apartment we lived in in the forties. I learned a few weeks before we came back from the retreat that Peggy had been the one to put everything in storage after they had failed to find Steve and me in the ice. I had gone through all of it and took out what I wanted to take with me and Steve had done the same. I was thankful Peggy had done what she did, otherwise, everything would have been lost to time.
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That night as I tried to sleep, I realized it was a little easier to relax. DC was a whole lot quieter than New York, there was no honking or yelling every two seconds to keep me awake. I was left alone in almost complete silence, which for others may be worse than being bombarded with noise, but I didn’t mind. I fell asleep almost an hour after laying down for the night and had a restless sleep. I woke up many times in the night covered in sweat, but I couldn't remember the dreams, anything I could remember dissipated as soon as I opened my eyes.
I woke up again very early the next morning, the clock on my wall said it was four forty-five. It was still dark out, but I could hear birds starting to chirp. I crawled out from under the bed frame and went to put on some exercise clothes. Running always helped to clear my mind after not being able to get any sort of rest. The run itself didn’t take long, even though it was seven miles, any normal person would be exhausted but I had barely broken a sweat. I did get to see some nice places, taking a route around the zoo, to the National Cathedral, and then back around to the Dupont Circle neighborhood, where my apartment was. The sun was just starting to come up as I made my way back into my building.
Although I had just moved in the day before, I was ready to start finding some sort of job. The money SHIELD was giving me to help assimilate back into the world comfortably was appreciated, but I wanted to make my own way in life without their help. Finding a job was going to be harder than it used to be, but I did have expertise in several areas. Upon being unfrozen, along with the driving tests, SHIELD created a new resume for me. I had degrees in history pertaining to the 1940s, World War II, and several of the New Deal programs, with a specialty in the SSR. I was also given a Veteran ID, although I don’t really know how that one works because I definitely was not a part of the apparent ongoing fighting in Afghanistan. I still looked twenty-four, I doubt anyone would believe it.
Anyway, I had interviews lined up for today at the Smithsonian, and hopefully, the resume that SHIELD created and my knowledge would be enough to land a job. I had already figured that I would be volunteering at the local VFW. I knew I could find people there to relate to and hopefully be able to make some friends.
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Tag List: @ginger-swag-rapunzel @underc0vercryptid-reads @geek-and-proud @intothesoul @leyannrae @starkleila
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justalittlepartofme · 3 years
Text
3:00 am.
Pairing: Loki x Reader
Summary: One month after Loki broke up with you, he appeared at your door at three in the morning. He explains himself and wants a new opportunity.
Word count: 1154
Warning: Angst.
• • • • • •
I hadn't seen Loki in almost a month. It hadn’t been a good time. It was pouring out when we broke up. 
At first, when he appeared at my door at three in the morning, I wasn't sure of letting him in. I even wasn't sure if I was dreaming or if it was real. During the week, I hadn't had much sleep. It was finally my day to sleep in. Or so I had thought.
However, Loki seemed determined. And real. He swore he had something important to tell me.
Loki sat on the couch, in front of me. Leg crossed and hair tied up. He appeared to be anxious. The god looked everywhere but me.
"So? What are you doing here?", I asked while taking a cup of warm water. It felt hot between my hands.
The silence extended for a few seconds between us. The tension was heating up. Palpable. As if Loki was still organizing what he was about to say. It wasn't common to see him like that. But he didn’t look like himself anyway. There were bags under his eyes like he hasn’t slept in days. His clothes weren’t as ironed as always. His general appearance was disheveled.
He breathed deeply, and all the words came out at once.
"I don't need you. I can live without you".
It hit me. It felt like a push in my chest. The pain that I felt during the first days that he was gone appeared once again. As if it hadn't been gone. The cup in my hands shook a little so I had to put it down on the table next to me.
"See, I have had a really long week. I'm not in the mood for arguing. And at this hour! If you came here to hurt me-".
"No, no! That's the thing!", he hurried up. Maybe he hadn't thought about the impact of his words. "I thought I was weak because I had fallen in love with you. That I couldn't live without you. But turns out I could. I can".
The warmth from the heater wasn't enough. My whole body was almost freezing.
"At first I was crushed. Getting away from you was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Although it wasn't impossible".
"I don't know what do you expect me to answer. Did you come all the way here to tell me you are over me? What's wrong with you?", I yelled. Every word he said was getting me out of my nerves. I didn't see the point he was trying to reach.
"I needed time to think".
"Yeah, okay. Good luck with that".
Loki closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. His frustration was perceptible. Even though he had always been good with words, he used to struggle with talking about his feelings and emotions.
"I felt exposed to you. Vulnerable. I've never felt like that with someone ever before. I thought it was a weakness someone could take advantage of".
"Who? Which people do you hang up with?"
"The life I have here with you is not the same as the one I had in Asgard", he raised his chin and looked me in the eye. There was no doubt in his look. "I needed to be sure that I wanted to live with you because I wanted to, not because I needed to".
He leaned over to me and took my hand. His skin was soft against mine. He left a kiss on the inside of my wrist, which made me shiver.
"Don't. Just don't... please", I took my handoff. It was easier when there was some distance between us. "I cried a lot, you know? Please, don't make me go through this again."
I wanted to deal with anger. It was best for me if I was mad at him. Sadness and heartbroken? I couldn't deal with those again.
"In my family... We've never been good at talking about feelings. I've never been to. Communication isn't my strength."
"You can't blame your family for everything. You were the one who took that decision. Not me. Not them".
"I'm sorry", he cupped my face with his hands. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I won't make you feel like this ever again. I promise".
It made have been the first time I heard Loki apologizing. Not once since I've met him. But I didn't think he was used to doing it anyway.
I closed my eyes. The only thing I could think of was his touch. It had felt so long since we were that close. My heart was beating so fast I could hear the blood pumping in my ears. A terrible headache was making its way to me.
I let out a sigh and pushed myself up and off the couch. I needed to sleep. My body was about to flatter. That was the only thing that mattered. However, as soon as I stand, Loki's eyes opened wide. He swallowed.
"I'm tired."
"I'm sorry," he got up really fast, almost losing equilibrium. "I will let you. I just wanted to-"
"What do you mean?". My eyebrows furrowed. I extended my hand to him. "Let's go to bed. Come with me."
His body relaxed. All the tension was gone. When he grabbed my hand, I pulled him closer. I have missed him so much. I could feel his heart running as fast as mine. For some reason, it made me feel better.
Loki shook his head in disbelief. My eyes searched for his, eyebrows up in arches. 
"This all is so new to me. I don't know what to do".
"Just kiss me".
In a second, his lips were on mine. His fingers loosen themselves from mine and slipped around my back, pulling me even closer. My fingers ran up lightly along his neck. There’s urgency in the kiss. I’ve been wondering for the past weeks if I have ever been lucky enough to kiss him one more time. When his grab tightened around me, I wondered if he had thought the same about me during the time we were apart.  
When I pulled away to breathe, a corner of his mouth lifted softly. A shadow of a sad smile. His grab doesn’t lose. He looks like he’s trying his hardest not to move, as if he’s afraid that if he does, I’ll bolt. 
I kissed his cheek. His expression softened a little. “Let’s go back to sleep”, I whispered. 
Side by side, hands intertwined, we went straight to my room. He took off his clothes before sliding into bed with me. He hugged me, my head resting on his chest. His heartbeat got back to normal. My breathing synchronized with his. 
My eyelids felt heavy. Gradually, the fatigue got me. He left a kiss on one side of my head before I fall asleep. 
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sherberrt · 3 years
Note
Hi! 👋 I was wondering if you could do a Loki x female!reader where Loki reads (cause he’s always reading) that people who are depressed talk to themselves a lot (which is true btw) and then starts thinking of how the reader is always talking to herself. And maybe he feels bad or gets kinda sad thinking about the reader being depressed and like confronts her about if she is ok or not. I love concerned fluffy Loki!!! 🖤💚🖤
Tears by the Firelight | Loki x Reader
This sounds like a lovely idea! I tend to talk to myself a lot so it’ll be easier for me to write.
Warning however, I myself have never felt the aspects that comes with depression, a blessing, but I will certainly try my best in writing this. If it ends up being more fluffy and not entirely accurate I still hope you enjoy!
Warnings: Mentions of Depression
  Loki’s POV
  “I know I had that vibranium somewhere. Blast it to Hel!” I curse as it seems someone’s taken my stash of vibranium. I was allowed a small amount from the King of Wakanda a few weeks back after helping track poachers. I had wish to make some new daggers out of the material but it seems someone has taken it.
  “I’ll figure it out later.” I whisper again to myself and fall back into my chair by the fireplace in my room and begin to continue reading the Odyssey. I read a few pages before my mind begins to wonder back to my missing metals. Time passes some more and I can’t stay focus on the passage in front of me as I find myself rereading the same sentences over and over again. I slam the book down beside me in frustration.
  “My mind is truly an enigma if I can’t even read until I find those metals...” Why must I say these thoughts out loud. It does remind of a certain someone who’s constantly doing it. Lady (Y/n), Midgard personal Asgardian protector. A witch no less with magic unlike anything I’ve seen before.
  Then the memory struck as I glanced back down at the book now in the floor where a stabbed wound pierces the center.
  “Where did that book go? It couldn’t have sprouted legs and walked away...unless I spilt one of my viles on it...oh no!” I entered the poor girls quite large study at the moment she’s between projects. Its not entirely messy but definitely is separated and has a place. 
  “I know I had it! Huh...be funny if it sailed away since its Odyssey. I’m rambling, I’m sorry. I will find it, Loki I promise. I forgot you were coming by to pick it up to borrow it.” Her hair was somewhat of a mess but it seemed calm in it more erratic state. She was flying around the place, she had the room for it. She had 2 levels of space all out in the open. Lower level was a forge that share space for storage and display of different viles, blueprints, weapons, and other Asgardian makings. The upper level was back by a large floor to ceiling window sill and on either side was bookshelves that was enchanted to bring and copy any book she needed from Asgard’s library or from those nearby in the city. Her space was truly magnificent that I would love to explore every inch, but don’t want to impose on her. 
  “Come on! Really...this is ridiculous I literally just had it and- AHH!” I see her fly away suddenly from one of her bookshelves and a book comes flying out with legs and a mouth. 
  “You weren’t kidding when you said it may have sprouted legs?!” I exclaim seeing it coming towards me. I grab one of my daggers from the pocket of space and throw it as it comes flying towards me. It hits its mark dead center and the book falls down coming to a sliding stop at my feet. 
  “Are you okay!?” I hear her call out as I pick up the book, its legs twitching, and yank my dagger out.
  “Indeed. I thought you were joking.” 
  “I thought so too, but I might have gotten animal serum when I was making a bow for Hawkeye’s collection. I’m so sorry!” She hold the book still in my hand and see her chant a spell and all thing mouth and legs disappear from the book leaving only the hole in its center. 
  “I really need to be more careful...” I hear her whisper to herself as her eyes look over every inch of the book in my hands. They’ve held less spark than normal and she’s been lying about how she is lately. I haven’t wanted to push it since when I first arrive she did not push me to open up to everyone when I came to live in New York. She certainly helped me through dark times however, now I’m afraid maybe one has fallen over her.
  “Uhhmm. Well thank you for allowing me to borrow from your collection. I’ll have it back to you soon. I’d say in 2 days time.” She glances up at me but doesn’t say anything at first until it seems she comes out of whatever trance she was in.
  “Oh! Yeah, no its fine. Keep it as long as you need. You’re welcome to anything in my library anytime, Loki.” I bid her farewell and left, but not before I see her as I glance back hugging herself tightly. 
  That image hasn’t left my mind since the 2 days that’s passed since I last saw of her. She seems to have been like this for over a few months now. Not leaving her study unless to get food or to use the bathroom. She may even be sleeping in there every night if she has allowed herself that luxury. I’m not sure anyone else has even visited her lately with all the missions Thor keeps telling me they have. 
  I get up from my chair, grab the book off the floor and get dressed in one of my suits and head over to her abode. I know its late, but it keeps tugging at me that something is wrong. 
  Once I arrive, I knock, but there’s no answer. I try to knob and its unlock and I allow myself in. I’ll apologize later for the intrusion. 
   When I come to where her study is, from outside the door I hear sobs. Silent as they try to be, they still bare sorrow in them. That’s when my own heart dropped to my stomach. I walked a little faster and pushed up the door silently to see her curled up in front of her fireplace, knees to her chest and her head buried in them. 
  “Why are you like this, (Y/n)? You have everything you need here, yet why does it feel so...empty.” I could her speak to herself as she normally did. Like myself really.  
  “Lady (Y/n)?” I pushed open the door wider to allow myself entry and I see her jerk her head to the door to see me standing there. She quickly wipes the tears from her eyes and stands to greet me.
  “Loki! Hi, uhm, whatcha doing? Needing to borrow another book? I have some recomme-”
  “Why were you crying?” 
  “I-I..I wasn’t-”
  “(Y/n), do you truly take me to be a fool?” 
  “N-no. The opposite actually.”
  “Then talk to me.” I’ve come up to her now and my form towered her as I looked down at her. She kept trying to avoid my gaze, but I pushed it to me when I gripped her chin gently and saw the red puffiness around her eyes from the firelight. 
  “Its nothing really. Just been a little sad today is all.”
  “I’m the master of lies, (Y/n). Today was not just ‘sad’.” I put my arm around her back and sat her down in one of the chairs by her fireplace and knelt down so she was now looking down at me. She takes a moment to breath some and finally meets my gaze as her mouth stays tight in a line. 
  “I-I uhm...I’ve just not been feeling like myself lately is all. I haven’t made anything new in awhile with the forge. I’ve made every potion from my books twice. I’ve read all my favorite books over again, but nothing feels the same. I don’t know why. I’m so lucky to have such things and such abilities, but yet it feels like I’m lacking. Like it isn’t good enough somehow anymore and its feels like anything I try to do to help now only burdens you and the other down..and...I-” She cuts off again as tears begin falling once again down her eyes and she covers her face with her hands the sleeves of her sweater. I take her hands away from her face and cup her cheeks and begin to wipe away the tears. 
  “I’m so sorry, L-Loki. You shouldn’t be needing to do this for me.”
  “Allow me to. It has never been a bother, you have never been burden to anyone, especially not me. I understand what you feel because I have been there as well. You and my brother helped me out of it. It doesn’t feel right to ask for help or the fact you feel no joy from the things you once loved and that’s ok.” I move my hand to grip hers tightly. 
  “It doesn’t feel like it is..it feels heavy. Tight in my chest and my mind can’t concentrate on anything lately. I’ve been an absolute bloody mess, Loki.”
  “That’s fine too. Feeling this way isn’t an anomaly. It is normal. Can you tell me when it started?”
  “Uh. I think maybe a few weeks back. I had went on one of the missions with Thor and Doctor Strange about a weird magical fog hovering over Norway. It didn’t go well at first but we managed. They were hurt from having to protect me from the guy at the source of it all. When we got back..I..I didn’t really go on another for awhile. After protecting Earth for so long by yourself for centuries in a lot of situations...I think it finally started to dawn on me that I had truly been alone. I didn’t have this fear of losing anyone for centuries..centuries, Loki! If they had died......” Her breathing gets heavy and I ssh her quietly as sobs broke through her mouth and more tears fell.
  “You fought and won those battles for centuries. For the hope in this world. You did that, (Y/n), no one else. You are unmatched in that category and you will always be unmatched by any hero we know. You are far from a burden, you are we look to when something goes wrong. When we need a light, you become our guiding star. Never doubt that.” I cup the side of her face and pull her closer to me a little, but gently not to frighten her.
  “You are, (Y/n) (L/n), Asgard’s gift to earth as a shining beacon of light and hope. You my darling, are extraordinary.” I feel her hands glide up and wrap around my shoulders and up my neck to pull me into an awkward hug, but it was tight and her body shivered against me. I wrapped my own arms around her and pulled her into my arms and she slumped against me. Sitting in the floor holding tight to one another. 
  “Thank you, Loki. Thank you.” I hear her whisper. She pulls back enough to see my face again and as the light moved along her face I could see in her eyes that spark I fell in love with there again. I kiss her on the head and I feel her grip tighten on me. 
  “For you darling, I will always pull you from that darkness as I know the pain it brings.”
  “And I’ll do the same.” She returns the gesture with her own kiss and when she pulls back we sit there just gazing at the other and she starts to smile a bit bigger and a laugh erupts from her mouth and I feel a smile come to my own as we laugh there now.
  “Wow, that...that was something. But uh, I gotta know, why did you come by so late? Was it to return the book?”
  “Uh, well that and I felt something was wrong with you.” She moves to sit beside me now in the floor. When she smiled at me that’s when I saw the metal I was looking before earlier today.
  “Is that my vibranium?” Her head snapped over to the metal on the small nightstand near the chair she had been sitting in and she laughs.
  “Oh, yes. I just wanted to study some of its properties since I’ve never gotten the chance to before. I thought I left a note telling you I had it?”
  “There was no note, love.”
  “I must have forgotten it then. I apologize. I was going to return it tomorrow though! I promise I was.”
  “I believe you, but I actually was going to bring it to you anyway. I was hoping you’d help me craft some new daggers out of it.” 
  “Really?! I would love to!” She suddenly levitates from her sitting position and flies towards some paper on a nearby shelf and grabs some writing utensils and drops them in front of us as she takes her seat again.
  “Well what kind of design were you thinking of doing? The metal is very malleable so we’ll be able to be flexible in the design.” She starts to feed me so much information about the metal she learned in the past 2 days and starts drawing designs on some of the paper. I pick and chose certain aspects, but I can feel the light coming back in her. 
  Its not all there, but it’ll grow back. She just needs time and I’m willing to wait as long as she needs. I’ll be there for her as she was for me.
197 notes · View notes
mimisempai · 3 years
Text
Wait for me on the other side 6/8
Summary:
Mobius must face both his past and a brutal news. He opens his heart to Loki. Loki wonders about what connects them...
Notes:
Prepare some tissues...
https://archiveofourown.org/works/32948254/chapters/82394134
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House on the cliff - 2019
Mobius returned home, patiently awaited by Croki. While he was feeding him, he noticed that he had a message on his answering machine.
"Mobius, pick up, I have something to tell you. It's about Ravonna."
Forty-five minutes after Casey's call, Mobius rushed into the hospital.
He headed to the admissions office and spoke to the first person who came in.
"Hello, I'm looking for Ravonna Renslayer. I'm Mr. Mobius."
"Hold on a moment."
The young woman consulted her computer and looked up.
"Yes. Mr. Mobius. You are expected in Doctor Cho's general medicine department."
She pointed in the right direction.
When he arrived at the ward, he asked for Dr. Cho.
He waited a few minutes and a woman approached him, holding out her hand.
"Hello Mr. Mobius, I am Dr. Cho, I am the one who takes care of Mrs. Renslayer. Since you were the person to notify in case of an emergency, we called you."
"What happened? Is she okay?"
Dr. Cho motioned for him to follow her, "She's fine. She had a relatively minor collapse, but we'll have to keep her for a day or two, wait for the results of the tests we did. Since you are her only family according to her file, even for something minor we had to call you. I'll take you to her room."
Casey was waiting outside Ravonna's room when Mobius arrived with Dr. Cho. They embraced.
"How is she?" Mobius asked.
"You know her..." replied Casey, shaking his head. "I had to bring her some work, the latest reports from the financial department."
Mobius looked disbelieving and laughed, "Of course. The last thing we would want to do is let a little collapse endanger the company."
Mobius entered the room quietly. Ravonna laid on her bed, connected to monitoring devices, reading her reports and making annotations, papers scattered around her on her bed. She didn't hear him right away, and when she raised her head, she lowered the report but didn't put it down.
"Hi.", Mobius whispered.
Ravonna did not smile, simply nodded and continued to work on her files as if Mobius were not there.
After a while, she said, "I don't need you."'
Mobius simply replied, "I'm going to stay until your exam results come in."
"That's not until tomorrow morning."
"I'm not going to drive all the way home that late. I'm staying."
Ravonna shrugged and returned to her reading. The silence was deafening.
After a moment, Mobius picked up one of the magazines about expensive watches that was on the table and asked, "Do you mind if I..."
Ravonna shook her head, "Go ahead. If you're still interested in that kind of thing."
Mobius didn't look up and began flipping through the magazine.
When he looked up about ten minutes later, Ravonna was asleep. Mobius watched her breathe in the dimly lit room, the monitoring devices flashing silently. He picked up the papers scattered on the bed and stacked them neatly on the nightstand.
Then he sat down, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in the hospital room chair. Since this was impossible, he picked up a piece of paper and began to write to Loki.
I know I haven't written in a while.
But I need to... I wanted to tell you about someone who is very close to me. We are not related by blood, but I consider her to be family to me, like a big sister.
We grew up together in the orphanage.
She is well-known. You know her work... Ravonna Renslayer, the CEO of Time Keepers, the famous watch brand.
I always liked to put watches together and take them apart and Ravonna was good at putting things in the right light.
We decided to create Timekeepers when we were fourteen years old. We wanted to sell quality luxury watches that everyone could afford.
A dream of two orphans.
We promised ourselves that when we would be rich we would buy the house on the hill.
But Ravonna lost sight of our dreams and always wanted more. More money, more fame.
Mass production, overpriced watches, I had no pleasure in creating anymore.
Every meeting became a war zone.
Someone had to surrender. I did.  I quit. Without notice.
That's when I started Miss Minutes, my little store and got back to my roots.
Mobius must have fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes, he was aching from his position in the chair.
Seeing that Ravonna was still asleep, he went to the hospital cafeteria to get a cup of coffee, and when he came back up fifteen minutes later, he saw Dr. Cho.
"Ah, Mr. Mobius, we just reviewed her results with Mrs. Renslayer. Unfortunately, she has forbidden me to talk to you about them and does not want you to visit her anymore."
Mobius was hurt of course, but not surprised either, given their tense relationship.
Dr. Cho, however, took pity on him. "I can't go into detail, but regrettably, you'll have to prepare for the worst."
Mobius' heart leapt in his chest and with a tight throat, he asked, "How long?"
Dr; Cho put her hand on his shoulder and said, " At any moment. I'm sorry."
Mobius left the hospital in a daze and drove to the house on the cliff. As soon as he arrived, he fed Croki, sat down in his chair and continued the letter to Loki. At this time, it was his only source of comfort.
Loki's apartment - 2021
Loki, in casual attire with Croki by his side, was sitting on his couch reading the letter from Mobius. He was very moved by the way Mobius opened up to him.
His heart cried at the sadness he felt in the letter. Obviously Ravonna was someone dear to his heart.
Once again, Loki was frustrated by the barrier of years between them. He wanted so much to be with Mobius, to support him. He sighed as he continued to read the letter.
I don't know what I expected.
Part of me thought that given her condition, I would get more than a "She doesn't want to see you anymore."
But of course, that's not how things work. When I left TK, I rejected everything she stood for.
That's how she saw it.
I think the fact that I bought the house cemented our disagreement for her and it's too late to change things now.
One thing is for sure: if I was really hoping for a tearful little bedside meeting, I'm as stupid as she thinks I am.
Well, good. I seem to have poured my little heart out here. I'm sorry.
Thanks for reading.
I want to tell you things I've never told anyone.
Things I didn't know myself until I wrote them down to send to you.
Maybe that's the strangest part of it all.
Love, Mobius.
Loki lingered on this letter, and especially on the last word, "LOVE". He patted Croki's head, thoughtful.
He had so many questions.
Love, Mobius.
Was it casual? Mobius was the kind of person who knew exactly what he was saying. Every word was important.
So the next question was, did Loki feel the same way?
Loki didn't need to reflect, he knew what he felt.
The question that remained was, did they have a future...?
Mobius' house - 2019
Croki trotted over to Mobius' bed. Mobius was lying down, unable to sleep, but it was too early to get up. He felt like picking up the phone but resisted.
Loki's apartment - 2021
Loki couldn't sleep anymore, something was disturbing him since he had read Mobius' letter.
He got up and went to his computer, he had to check one thing about Ravonna Renslayer.
Two minutes later he rushed out of his apartment and drove to the house on the cliff.
Mobius House - 2019
Mobius après s’être préparé pour aller au travail, sortit de sa maison et se dirigea vers son pickup.
Mobius House - 2021
Loki braked hard and ran to the mailbox. He put a piece of paper in it and raised the flag with a sudden movement.
Mobius House - 2019
Mobius drove away from the house without seeing the flag that was rising behind him. A few minutes later, his phone on the passenger seat began to ring.
Glancing down, he saw that it was Dr. Cho.
He pulled over to the side of the road and with a lump in his throat, took the call.
"Yes?"
-Mr. Mobius, this is Dr. Cho. I'm afraid I have some difficult news for you.
A few minutes later, in a daze, he parked in front of his house. On his way to his house. He saw that the flag was up.
He opened it, took the note, read it and then let his arm fall back, the paper flew away before landing further.
You need to go back to the hospital right away! Ravonna Renslayer died on-
A few days later, Mobius sat in the back of the church while the pastor preached to a crowd that Mobius knew was there more for Ravonna's fame than for their connection to her.
He didn't listen to the sermon and, clutching Loki's last letter in his pocket, he thought about what he had written.
Mobius, I'm so sorry about Ravonna.
Even though every pain is different, I know what it's like to lose the little family we have left.
I knew I had to at least try to warn you. I thought I could do it in time.
I hoped we could change what happened. I was wrong.
I guess these things can't be changed.
What I do know is that the shock is still fresh for me, even though it happened two years ago, so I can't imagine what it's like for you.
These things just happen...sometimes. I know.
Last February, I remember it was Valentine's Day, but it was really hot for a day in February.
I was at the fountain in Valhalheim Square.
And something happened. I won't bore you with the details now, but it was hard. Not like what you're going through, but it bothered me a lot.
And a friend gave me some good advice.
She told me to go to a place that would bring me peace.
That's what I did. I drove to the house on the cliff.
And that was the day I got your first letter.
It's a place we both love, a place that has a huge meaning for both of us, I hope you can find some solace there.
And I hope that what has kept you and Ravonna apart will eventually seem less important, and perhaps, in time, disappear.
YOURS, Loki.
Loki's words echoing in his head, Mobius was anxious to get to the house, to seek and perhaps find the solace that Loki spoke of.
When he arrived, he saw the flag raised. He opened the box, and took out not a note, but a book.
When he turned it over, his heart stopped for a moment.
For all times - Always by R.RENSLAYER
He returned home and sitting down in his chair, he opened it and saw first a small note from Loki's hand.
The book won't be published for a year.
or two, so don't show it to anyone. But I thought you should see it.
He turned the first page and could not stop the tears from flowing.
To Mobius
This is the story of a dream.
The story of a brother and sister bound by an ideal
But like all true stories, it doesn't always end well.
They chose a different path.
They drifted apart and never found each other again.
But without the presence of one in the life of the other, neither of them would have become what they are.
A story of two lives, a story of two successes, a story of two paths.
Underneath was a photo, Ravonna and him in front of the house on the cliff.
He continued to flip through the book, his eyes blurry with tears, and felt as if he was going through pieces of his life.
Pictures of TK's creation, of Mobius' workshop, of their first offices.
The day of the first opening.
Then the various collections of watches over the years, from the first one designed by Mobius to the latest luxury watches. Created after his departure.
Pictures of the rise of TK.
Photos taken after Mobius' time.
Until the last photo.
It was the front of Miss Minutes, of his shop.
A single sentence underneath.
We have taken different paths, our views have drifted apart, but you will always be my brother. For All time. Always.
Mobius wept for a long time over Ravonna, over the lost years, over what could have been. Then when the tears had dried, he closed the book and placed it neatly on the shelf. His hand lingered on the title for a moment.
Then, looking determined, he took his old sketchbook, sat outside the house and began to draw.
Loki's apartment - 2021
Loki, looking bewildered, was contemplating a sketch of the house on the hill.
At the bottom of the house, written in charcoal, it read:
I WANT TO MEET YOU!
FOR REAL THIS TIME!
_______
As a reader, I hate cliffhangers... I apologize in advance for being so cruel, I hope you will forgive me 😭
Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 (End)
9 notes · View notes
gaitwae · 3 years
Note
Oooh okay I've got a request idea for Sherlock!! Could you please do Sherlock accidentally meeting the reader after many years and finally confessing his love?? Thanks🥺 Have a lovely day!! 💕
Nonny! My heart skipped a beat when I saw this - it’s so Sherlock!! Here it is!
Summary: Above!
Warnings: probably a little sad.
Tag list: @valdemarismynonbinarylove @megthemewlingquim​ @make-me-imagine​ @thorfanficwriter​ @bwemph​ @myraiswack​ @silvermoonwolf777​ @lucywrites02​ @lokistan​ @mostly-marvel-musings​ @amwolowicz​ @winterfrostsarmy​ @superheroesandstardust​ @castiels-majestic-wings​ @geekns​ @lokis-high-priestess​ @natandersonnla​ @cozy-the-overlord​ @frostedgiant​​ @whatafuckingdumbass​ @thebookbakery​  @delightfulheartdream​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ 
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Sherlock couldn’t believe he had been without Y/N for almost seven years. When she said she would be back in his side of the country for a little while, he couldn’t believe that he had actually invited her to his home.
Most people said he loved her. He didn’t mind. It was true, but not in the sense that they thought. He wasn’t sure he could ever love someone that way. Y/N was a wonderful woman, but more like his sister than his... anything else to the extent of his knowledge (it was vast enough, but it wasn’t perfect). He couldn’t see it. Couldn’t imagine it.
He just hadn’t softened up enough to know if he could. His relationship with her was like a gingersnap. He was rock hard at first, jaw-breaking -- her words, not his. It would be too difficult to get to know him on the first day, she had also said. She persisted and persisted, stayed by his side... until one day, she didn’t. He didn’t know exactly what hurt her, but it was more than enough to keep her away.
Y/N had said many things in his defence over the time they were friends. Sherlock just wasn’t approachable to most people. Like a rainstorm. Or a muddy flowerbed. Sherlock often felt like a gardener, himself, tending to her and making her strive in return. He wished the rumours would stop, yes, but he wanted to see his former best friend a better person as well as the same one he cherished.
He knew that was a bit much to ask for.
She was friendly and truly a beautiful person on the inside, making him ask himself why no one has told her that to her face when it was so obvious. He could read it off of the way her hands sat around her hips or the way her fingers twitched when someone needed help. Or the simple look he got when he said something rude; he could learn so much from her: so much kindness, so much warmth, so much love. She was a good person; he had been graced by her presence since the first day. Hadn’t anyone told her? Why hadn’t anyone? Why he hadn’t yet told her? 
He bit his lip. Maybe William Sherlock Scott Holmes was the problem.
Maybe he didn’t tell her enough how much he appreciated her. Maybe that was why she acted the way she did around the others, why she only bloomed every so often, or at strange times; like the morning glory. 
He was the moon, and she was a morning glory.
His heart dropped into his feet, leaving... some kind of empty nostalgia in its former place.
Y/N sauntered in with two cups of coffee. She set one down at his desk. “You really need to stop calling me before six,” she groaned. “I can barely move at this time of day and you never remember other people need sleep—”
He held up a finger. “Shh,” he says. “Sit down. I’m almost done composing myself, darling.”
“You better finish up,” she warned. She had dressed nicely, given the scent of perfume and the new hairdo through his peripheral vision.  “I didn’t travel across Britain for nothing. You know, I was in Scotland for seven years. You’re absolutely insane, Sherlock. Remind me to never contact you the night before ever again.” She rubs her face and her eyes. It really was early, wasn’t it? 
“Is there something wrong with that?” he asked, already knowing the answer. He takes the coffee she brought and, without thinking, takes a drink out of it. He made a face. “You know I don’t—”
“Yes, I know you hate that blend,” she says, “but it’s the only thing that will keep you somewhat clear-headed and not so... jumpy.”
“That’s not very nice, to deprive me of my caffeine,” he notes, “but thank you, anyway.” He set the coffee down. Then, without considering the consequences, he announced, “I’ve been thinking, recently. Since you said you were going to say hello.”
“Yeah?” she asked, smiling some as she sat down. Y/N rain a hand through her hair, sighing. The sofa where she sat was untidy, with papers covering the surface as well as unknown-to-normal-people stains. Two different ceramic mugs, each of different colour, sat there, too. He wondered silently how she could even sit. John or Mrs Hudson would have said something about cleaning up the mess. “What?”
“Why you’re so kind to everyone. Including me,” he continued. She glares at him but doesn’t argue. He almost backpedals. “Over the years, I mean. Not recently. We haven’t even spoken, recently.”
“Go on,” she tells him slowly. He sits, taking a deep breath.
“Maybe no one has told you how warm and beautiful you are. So I thought I would tell you what has been obvious to me from the start.” He gave her a wary, almost sad smile. She blinked in surprise, her lips contorting like she had bit into a lemon. She shakes her head. What was coming from his mouth? This wasn’t what he had originally thought. In fact, it seemed to be far from the truth. Not in the sense that he had spoken a lie, but in the sense that he hadn’t told her the full truth, yet.
“I’m not beautiful, Sherlock,” she scoffed. “You really have lost your mind.”
“Or rather, I’ve lost my common sense,” he joked. Y/N didn’t seem to appreciate it. “And your answer is exactly why I wanted to tell you.” 
Y/N almost protested—he could see it in her eyes—but she just nods and sighs. “Fine. Okay. Whatever you want, you bat. You don’t understand the complications with you saying that, do you, Sherly?”
How was it possible to not tell someone you care about that you would die for them? How had he never done it? He was a mentalist detective, for crying out loud!
“I know that I never told you that I...” He pressed his lips together, his voice reducing in volume. “I love you, Y/N.”
“You can’t,” she said sadly. 
“I do. I was in a slump for two years, irrational for three, and I was numb entirely for four. Without you, my life has been but a mess.” He gave no smile, no eye contact, no tears. He couldn’t cry even if he wanted to right now. His hands felt quaky and his chest was hot.
“Sherlock,” she tries. “Sherlock, that’s ridiculous.”
“Maybe I’m ridiculous,” he countered. His mouth and his lips were moving much faster than his head, now, which was rarer than the feelings he was currently experiencing. “It’s the only logical explanation, no matter the chemical imbalances in my brain! Y/N, I love you!”
She huffed out a sigh, mumbling to herself, “Now he tells me. Now he tells me!” She was distraught. She didn’t say anything else. She held herself and rocked in her seat. “Sherlock, I was coming back because.. well... I’m getting married.”
Sherlock couldn’t move. 
“I wanted you to be my man of honour.”
He managed a nod. He had seen the ring, now in retrospect. The manicure. Something had been wrong. 
No one was quicker in terms of the mind than Sherlock Holmes.
“And we’re going to stay in Scotland.” Y/N cleared her throat and twisted the engagement ring. 
He nodded again. At least she was happy. 
No one was slower in terms of the heart than he.
He told her way too late.
40 notes · View notes
wrenhyperfixates · 3 years
Text
Because I Love You
Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: You’ve fallen for the trickster god, and have no idea that he’s done the same. When his attempts to keep you safe fail, you get into a huge fight. Will you be able to tell each other how you really feel, or is the rift too wide? Warnings: mentions of blood; fluff and angst A/N: This idea has been floating around in my head for a while, and it really took on a life of its own. I’m pretty happy with how it turned out. Hope you enjoy it just as much :)
Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant​ @lunarmoon8​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ @lokistan​ @thelokiimaginechroniclesficrecs​ @gaitwae​ @whatafuckingdumbass​ @castiels-majestic-wings​ @kozkaboi​ @cozy-the-overlord​
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Disclaimer: Gif not mine
“Oh, come on, Loki,” you pouted as you helped him load up the Quinjet for the mission he was about to leave for. “I can handle myself.”
“Yes, I know, darling,” he replied with a sigh. “But this is going to be dangerous. I would feel much better knowing you were here, safe.”
“Fine,” you pouted as he took the box you were carrying from your hands.
You’d been having this argument all week. For some reason, Loki had been blocking you from going on more and more missions lately, but he went above and beyond this time. As soon as it had been announced, you’d volunteered to go. But then Loki went and talked to Steve to convince him his magic was necessary for the job and, from what you can tell, persuaded Cap that he should take your place.
The God of Mischief had been your best friend ever since he came to Avengers Tower. It hadn’t taken you long to realize that you wanted him to be something more, though. With every brush of his fingers against yours, bored glance sent your way during meetings, and laughs shared as you talked late at night made you fall deeper and deeper in love with the god. But this was getting annoying. It was nice that he cared about you, though it also made you sad. No matter how much you wanted him to feel the same way as you did, it was pretty obvious that he didn’t. Even worse than that, you were convinced that he thought of you as just a kid.
“Oh, darling,” he said, putting his hands on your shoulders as your eyes raised to meet his. “Please, do not be upset. The next not dangerous mission will be yours for sure.”
“Do those even exist?” you asked with a wry laugh.
“Yes. Ones where you will without a doubt be out of combat.” You frowned at him and opened your mouth to protest. He continued speaking before you could. “I am quite aware of what a fierce warrior you are, dear mortal. But you are also fragile. I will not let anything happen to you. You are my most dear friend, darling.”
“I know,” you sighed, unable to stay mad at him. “But you have to promise you’ll stay safe, too.”
“I promise, darling.” He kissed the back of your hand, making you flustered. “I will be just fine.”
As the jet pulled out of the hangar, you waved goodbye to Loki, praying that when he came back, things could finally change between you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I’ll do it,” you declared at the next meeting.
“Ok then,” Steve replied. “You, me, and Nat then. We leave tomorrow at noon.”
It was a little nerve wracking to be going on a mission with two of the best fighters on the team, but you were sure it wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle. Loki was still on his mission, so there was no one to block you from taking this opportunity. You hoped so, anyway.
The final preparations were made, and you looked at the file in your bed that night. It should be a relatively easy mission; silently infiltrate the hydra base and download the intel from their computers. It was a small base, only a handful of enemy operatives should be there. Well, that was what you were planning on, anyway. Of course, there was always a chance things would go awry.
Suddenly, your phone rang. You plopped the file down on your comforter and checked the caller I.D. It was Loki. You worried that he’d caught wind of your plan to go on the mission tomorrow. He wasn’t supposed to be back for another couple of days, plenty of time for you to go without him interfering. That’s why you hadn’t told him yet. But if he already knew, he would certainly do everything in his power to stop you from leaving.
“Hey, Loki,” you said, nervously picking at the string on your sweatpants. “Are you ok? How’s the mission going?”
“Splendid, actually,” he replied, a smile in his voice. “So well, in fact, that I will be returning home early.”
“Oh! That’s, uh, great news.” You were trying to sound excited. It wasn’t working. “When exactly are you going to be back?”
“Tomorrow,” he replied. “I was wondering if you wanted to do something when I get back? Perhaps watch a movie or read together in the library?”
“I’d love to, Loki, really. But I’m going to be a bit busy tomorrow. Maybe if we meet later in the day?”
You were always tired after a mission, but you should be back in time to do something with Loki. And if you were just going to be reading, it would be relaxing. If you were lucky, you may even fall asleep, and he would carry you back to your bed. That had happened a few times before, and you’d woken up in his arms as he brought you back. You didn’t tell him, though. Instead, you just enjoyed the sensation of being in his arms, feeling safe and happy. It also reminded you of just how strong he was, being a god and all. You supposed that’s why he worried so much about you; you were just a mortal. His strength was contrasted by the way he carefully tucked you in and caressed your cheek. Your heart had beat wildly as you wondered if he might kiss you. He had not.
“Oh? What are your plans, then?” he inquired. “If you do not mind, maybe I could join you.”
“I, um, would of course let you, but Nat and I are going to be doing a special training routine all day,” you lied. “It’s supposed to just be the two of us. Sorry.”
“That is quite alright. We will just meet later. I look forward to it.”
“Me too. I’ll see you then, Loki,” you said, hoping to hang up before you felt guilty enough to come clean. “I better get some rest.”
“As should I. Goodnight, darling.”
You tossed the phone next to the file and sighed, covering your eyes with your arm. You hated having to lie to Loki, but you’d never go on another mission if you didn’t. Besides, he said you could go on one that wasn’t too dangerous, and the chances of getting hurt tomorrow were pretty slim. It would be fine. At least, you sure hoped it would.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“They are where?” Loki asked, his voice rising in panic. “Doing what?”
“I just told you, Reindeer Games,” Tony replied, a knowing smirk on his face. “They’re on a mission. What? Did your little lovebird lie to you?”
“That is preposterous for more reasons than I can count. They are only my best friend, but still they would never lie to me. I would have known if they had, anyway.”
“Well, maybe your judgment was clouded because you-”
“I swear if you say I love them,” Loki interrupted, “there will be a dagger buried in your side faster than you can even comprehend.”
“Yeah, sure. Right,” Tony said, unconcerned. Loki never made good on his threats to his friends, bar a tiny prank here or there. Whether it was because he actually cared about them or was just worried he’d be locked up again, no one was really sure. “All I mean to say is if you stopped preventing them from going on missions, maybe they would tell you the truth.”
He hated how right Tony was. His judgment was clouded, and though he didn’t want to say, it was because he cared about you. But loved? Did Loki even know what love was? He really wasn’t sure. Regardless, he should have been taking you on missions with him, protecting you from any danger. He’d seen you fight a great many times, you were good at it. But all that needed to happen was one tiny slip-up, one small mistake, and you’d be dead in a matter of seconds.
“Maybe, but do not tell me you have never gone to extremes to protect someone you care about,” Loki snapped back.
“You’re right. I have. For the people I love.”
“Oh, never mind!” Loki said, desperately trying to avoid a conversation about his emotions. “Just tell me which bay they will be returning to so I can go wait for them.”
Tony obliged, and Loki anxiously paced the floor, fidgeting with his hands as he anticipated your return. What seemed like, and very well could have been, hours later, your transport pulled in. He wasn’t sure if he was going to hug you or scold you first. It would probably be the first option. Sure, you’d lied to him, but he wasn’t blameless either. All that mattered was you were safe.
“Clear the way,” Steve shouted, as he and Nat helped you hobble out of the jet.
Loki’s heart plummeted to his stomach as he noticed a deep red staining your shirt, right below where your liver was. Sweat glistened on your brow as you struggled to stay up. He ran up to you and took you in his arms, running towards the elevator before he realized he could just teleport. He was at the med bay in seconds, screaming for help.
“Bring them here,” one nurse said, wheeling a gurney. “We’re prepared for them.”
He said a silent prayer of thanks for whoever had called ahead. There was nothing left to do but stare on helplessly while they took you away. He whirled around as Nat and Steve finally caught up.
“What happened? Tell me,” Loki demanded to know.
“There were more agents than planned,” Steve explained. “But they took the bullet so we could complete the mission.”
“And that makes it alright?” he shouted, completely bewildered.
“No, it doesn’t,” Steve tried to pacify him.
“But it was noble,” Nat added. “And they’re going to be alright.”
Loki stayed in the waiting room for the next couple hours, running his hand through his hair as a nervous tic. The other Avengers came and went, Thor begging his brother to at least sit for a little as it got late. But he refused. He would not rest until he knew you were alright. But what was this tight feeling in his chest? This painful feeling of anxious despair? Could Stark be right? Could he love you?
He loved you.
“Mr. Laufeyson?” a nurse said, approaching him.
“Yes,” he immediately responded, a slight edge to his voice. “Are they ok?”
“They are. The wound wasn’t as bad as it looked; they just lost a lot of blood. You can go in and see them now if you want.”
“I do. Thank you.”
With a nod in her direction, Loki was racing towards the room she’d directed him to. Before he just waltzed in, he calmed himself down enough to knock on the open door, drawing your attention away from the window and to his face. A smile instantly lit up your features as you saw him, sparking in him an intense hatred at the thought that he may have never seen that again had today gone differently.
“You lied,” he said, his voice even yet menacing. He surprised himself, for that wasn’t what he had been planning on saying. But now he felt angry enough to shout at the top of his lungs. “You said you would just be training.”
“Look, I’m sorry about that. I am.” Your eyes flicked down to the floor before meeting his again. “But I know you would have tried to stop me. You didn’t leave me with very many options.”
He let out a wry laugh. “I was protecting you!” Now he was shouting. “You do finally go out on a mission and look what happened!”
“I’m fine now, Loki,” you shouted back, seething. “That’s what happened! I don’t need you to protect me.”
“Do you have any idea what I would have done if you died?” You recoiled at his blunt, harsh words, making him instantly regret them. Besides, they were slightly manipulative. He didn’t want to do that, not to you. He wanted to change the direction of the conversation. Still, he carried on with his rant, having lost control. “Your behavior is reckless at best. I insist that you stay at the Tower, even once you are done healing.”
He knew he’d overstepped as soon as the words left his mouth. Even if he hadn’t, the murderous look in your eyes would have clued him in. Before he could apologize, take back what he’d said, you were talking again, your voice now a dangerous growl.
“Perhaps you didn’t hear me. I am not a kid, I don’t need you to protect me. I don’t need you.”
Your hands flew up to cover your mouth, not quite believing what you’d just said. Loki just flinched like a kicked puppy, tears stinging at the back of his eyes. It was his fault. He’d pushed you away. Why did he say those horrible things? Why did it take so long to admit to even himself that he loved you? Why didn’t he just tell you how he truly felt?
“You are right,” he replied, his blue-green eyes glued to the tile beneath him. “You do not need me. I will leave you alone now.”
His heart ached in his chest as you called after him. He wanted to go back, but now he could see he was no good for you. Or at least his latest actions weren’t. Had he really made you think he viewed you as a child? Based on what you said, it sure sounded like he had. What a fool he was.
He sullenly walked to his room and took in the space with fresh eyes. He thought of how many movies you’d watched together there on the tv he had installed specifically for that purpose. All the times you’d stayed up talking, comforting each other. Would he truly never have that again?
He wanted to scream, to cry, but mostly he just wanted to sleep. He should make amends, he knew, but he just wasn’t sure he had the strength to. Not if you truly didn’t need him, and to hear that you meant it would be more than he can bear. Loki closed his eyes and fell into a slumber riddled with dreams of you and all that could have been.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A month. He hadn’t talked to you in a month. Every time he was ready to talk to you, you were avoiding him, and every time you were ready to talk to him, he was avoiding you. It was frustrating, to say the least.
You were still healing a little, but had made a fairly quick recovery. Despite praying for the same to be true of your relationship with Loki, it was still as damaged as ever. But sometimes he’d still make you a cup of tea on the mornings he knew you’d need it most. You couldn’t tell if it was out of habit or if he still cared for you. You weren’t sure you wanted to know.
Checking the time, you realized you were going to be late for a meeting. You knew you weren’t supposed to run, lest you re-injure yourself, but you wanted to make sure you got there in time to get a mission assigned to you. It would be your first time back in the field since the accident. Maybe that was an odd thing to be excited about, but you were. Or maybe you just wanted something to distract you from the whole Loki situation.
“There you are,” Steve greeted. “We were just about to start.”
As of late, you and Loki had been sitting as far away from each other as possible. Today, due to your late arrival, there was only one seat left. Your old one, right across from him. With a gulp, you took it, looking everywhere but him. As Cap began speaking, you dared a glance at Loki out of the corner of your eye. He was staring right at you, as if willing you to look back. He must not have been though, because when you did turn to him, he looked like a deer caught in headlights and looked away from you. The light blush coloring his cheeks didn’t go unnoticed by you, and utterly confused by his behavior, you turned your attention back to Steve.
“Ok,” Steve said, turning to you. “I’ve got another intel mission for you, but only if you’re up for it.”
“Of course,” you replied, willing the nerves in your stomach away. “When do we leave?”
“Well, it’s not ‘we’ exactly,” he said, clearing his throat.
You glanced around the room. All the best fighters were already on a mission, and if you were going, it was probably to deal with the computers, not be the muscle. Bruce was still here, but if he was going to come, it wouldn’t be a stealth mission. Thor and Tony didn’t really specialize in stealth either, but it was more probable. And then there was Loki.
“So who am I going with then?” you gulped.
“Loki.”
“What?” the god exclaimed. “Why me? Cannot Natasha go? Or my brother, perhaps?”
“Nat’s on a mission,” Steve replied. “And anyway we need your magic.”
“Ok, well what about me? I can sit this one out,” you chimed in. “Tony is plenty good with computers, too.”
“Yes, but you’re stealthier,” Steve said, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Listen,” Tony chimed in. “It’s true that I’m amazing with computers, but Capsicle gave you the mission, not me. I don’t know what little lovers’ quarrel you two are having right now, but you need to put it aside for the good of the mission. Whatever’s going on, you’re still teammates.”
“Fine,” Loki said through grit teeth, snatching his file from Steve’s outstretched hand. “I will go.”
All eyes in the room turned to you as Loki stormed out. With a sigh, you nodded your head yes and took your own file. You flipped through and saw you’d be leaving tonight.
As soon as the meeting ended, you went to your room to pack. You considered trying to find Loki and talk through your issues, even going so far as to walk up to his door, but you chickened out at the last second. Sitting on your bed and flipping through the file, you were reminded of the last mission you went on. But not memories of getting shot; you thought of your phone call with Loki. You’d been doing so well with not crying, but you finally broke down. All you wanted was to be able to sob into Loki’s shoulder, be held in his arms. But no matter how helplessly in love with him you were, you were certain he could never feel the same.
That night, you cried yourself to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ride over to the hydra base was hell. It was just you and Loki, not even a pilot since the jet could fly itself. You spent the whole flight in silence, stealing glances at each other. With nothing else to do, you reviewed the file again. The plan was to have Loki cover you both with an invisibility charm, and you’d sneak into the computer lab. From there, he’d keep lookout while you downloaded the information. Once that was done, you should just be able to stroll out under the invisibility spell. Ideally, there would be no combat. Not like “ideally” went so well last time.
“Ready?” was all you said to break the silence as you landed.
“Yes. You?” he replied.
You nodded, and he handed you your bag. Stepping out of the cloaked vehicle, Loki cast his enchantment over you. Your heart nearly leapt out of your chest as he took your hand. You could still see each other and, and you softly smiled up at him.
“The spell will work better the closer we are, darling.” He seemed to rethink the use of the pet name, but it had slipped out before he could stop it. “I will let go once you set to work.”
“Oh, yeah,” you replied somewhat dejectedly. “That’s fine.”
He kept his word and held on until you reached the room. When he let go, it seemed to be somewhat reluctantly, or maybe that was just wishful thinking.
“This shouldn’t take long,” you reassured him.
“Take your time,” he said with the most genuine smile you’d seen him have in over a month.
You tried to focus on the task at hand, but Loki was standing so close to you that your mind kept straying. It was like with every second that passed, he crept even closer to you. When it got to the point that he was practically standing on top of you, you couldn’t hold your tongue any longer.
“Can I help you?” you snapped.
“Pardon?”
“Why are you standing so close? Do you need something?”
“Yes. I need you to be safe. If there is a bullet fired today, I can assure you, you will not be taking it.”
“Loki, I thought I told you. I don’t need you to protect me.”
“Did Natasha need you to protect her? Did Steve?”
“Well, no, but-”
“And yet you did anyway,” he cut you off. “Because it is something that you do when you care. And I care deeply for you, my darling.”
Your mouth hung open a little in shock. You supposed you shouldn’t read too deeply into it. After all, he didn’t say in what way he cared, and he had been your best friend before all this. It was probably just that. But the way his thumb was caressing your cheek as you leaned into his hand made you think differently. Before you lost your nerve, you surged forward and kissed him. He returned it immediately, though he seemed a bit surprised. His lips were soft, and you wanted to drown in the sensation of him. Your arms wrapped around behind his neck, and when you pulled away from the heated moment, you brought your hands forward to rest on his shoulders.
“Darling,” he whispered.
“Yes, Loki?”
“There are a million things I wish to say to you. But they will have to wait until we are done with the mission and back on the ship. Safe.”
“Oh, yeah,” you said, pulling away sheepishly. “That.”
You finished the data transfer and were on your way back out. Loki held you even closer than he had walking in. A couple of agents passed you, and despite your urge to fight, the god held you back while the charm did its work. Loki hadn’t even realized he’d been holding his breath until you made it back to the Quinjet safely.
“So,” you said after a minute of flying in silence. “Are you ready to talk then?”
“Yes, darling. I am.” He moved, so that he was sitting next to you, holding your hand. “I made a mistake, I understand that. I was overbearing and lost my temper without even trying to talk things out. I am sorry.”
“Loki, I forgive you. And I’m sorry, too. I said some awful things that I didn’t mean. Plus, I lied to you, my best friend. I miss you.”
“All is forgiven.” He pressed a quick kiss to the back of your hand. “I miss you, too. And there is something else. What you said in the hospital wing? About me treating you like a child? You do not actually believe that I think of you as such?”
“I, well, sorta,” you stammered, a panic building in you. Maybe that kiss was unwanted, after all. “Yeah. I do.”
“Then, darling, I am sorry for that, too. It is not true.” He got up from his seat and knelt before you, never letting go of your hand. “Because you mean so much more to me than that. Because I love you.”
You launched yourself into his arms, kissing him again. He laughed in delight as the sudden force of it knocked him over, both of you landing on the ground, you on top of him. You didn’t even bother to get up.
“I love you, too,” you said before peppering his face with a thousand tiny kisses. “And I need you. I’ll always need you.
When you were done, he looked into your eyes for a second before kissing your lips again. It was heaven. Neither of you even noticed that the plane landed and ramp opened until you heard a wolf-whistle. You looked over to see Tony standing there.
“Well, Reindeer Games,” he smirked. “Looks like I was right, you two do love each other.”
You felt rather flustered as you and Loki sat up. Before you could come to your defense, Loki spoke, eloquent as ever.
“Yes, Stark, you were right,” he said, with eyes only for you, getting ready to kiss you again. “And I could not be happier.”
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diaryofabeautyfiend · 3 years
Text
Reader would like to apologize for the decision Steve Rogers is about to make. No smut just sadness.
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Small Time Witch (24)
F I V E Y E A R S L A T E R....
.....And so far you’ve survived. Your days are not without moments of melancholy. Your thoughts meander back to the days when the two of you would sit quietly in your loft reading the day away. The music of old book pages turning and tea cups clinking onto saucers filled the air. The song still plays but it only plays for you.
You’ve become somewhat reclusive over the years. You’ve stopped going to the bar and haven’t talked to Jason. It’s just as well. Hopefully he’s found someone to help him move on. Maybe he’s happy.
Despite your official hermit status you are happy. You have a routine and just enough human contact to keep you from going completely insane. Friends come and go. Some stay the night sometimes longer. You welcome human contact in controlled doses. Some you welcomed more than others. Mostly you enjoyed your self imposed solitude.
Sometimes you take the trip to visit Hilde. She is taking care of the day to day business in New Asgard since Thor doesn’t come out much. She is always exciting and happy. When you need that she is happy to give it.
Today you are heading up the coast to meet her. When you hit a certain spot you put down your windows so the salt and brine of the ocean can fill your car. It smelled like Hilde. The air is crisp and the wind biting. Your hair whips your face as you sing loudly with the radio. She meets you at the entrance to the city with a big smile and a bigger kiss. With her you feel reborn.
“Your timing could not be more perfect. Thor has guests.”
You narrowed your eyes, “Guests? Who?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” You jumped back into your car and drove as close as you could to his hovel. You knocked on his door and Bruce answered. Though, it wasn’t Bruce. It was like Bruce and Hulk somehow merged to form a super Bruce.
“Y/n! Good to see you.” He wrapped you in his big green arms taking care not to crush you. “Angry girl!” He high-fived Hilde who smiled at you with immense amusement. “This is Rocket.” You shook hands with a raccoon. A freaking raccoon.
Thor glared at you, “I suppose they sent you in to bring me back as well.”
“Umm no. I was just here to visit Hilde. This was a pleasant surprise. I’m sorry bing you back? Is something happening?”
“We found a way to undo it all.” Bruce said with a cautious tone.
“Yeah but not Loki though so...” Thor looked was pretty drunk and smelled like he hadn’t bathed in weeks. Guilt rose from your chest and burned your throat. You should have pushed harder to see him.
“He wasn’t snapped so we don’t know. We’re going to try, Y/N.”
Your were filled when righteous indignation. No one bothered to even fill you in on their plan. If there was even a slim chance Loki could be brought back they should have told you.
Thor saw your balled fists crackle with electricity. “Y/N should come back with us. It’s the only way I’ll go.”
“I don’t know, Thor....”
“Bruce, I’m coming.” You looked back at Hilde who smiled though you could feel you were hurting her feelings. “Don’t leave without me. You..” you dragged her outside.
“You don’t have to explain yourself.” Tears shimmered in her eyes though she did her best to play them off.
“Yes, I do.” You pressed your lips against hers. She pulled you closer and deepening the kiss. Everything you had to say to her was in that kiss. I’m sorry. I love you. Goodbye. I’ll miss you. It was all there. Hilde was not one for flowery words. She was a physical person and that’s how you had to show her how much she meant to you. You pressed your forehead to hers giving a few more gentle pecks. “Thank you.”
“It was most definitely my pleasure. When you see him, tell him I kept you warm and promise me you’ll take a picture of the scowl on his face.”
“I love you:”
“I love you more.”
———————————————————————
Bruce’s words churned in your head the whole way back to the compound. They were “going to try”. You were sure that Loki wasn’t a huge priority. The thought made you angry all over again.
The Avengers had no problem overlooking his past discretions when they needed him. He was mostly tolerated because of Thor. Now there may be a chance to bring him back and they were “going to try”. It was going to be really hard not to melt someone today.
When you pulled up Tony was outside waiting for you. He opened the car door and took your hand. “Y/N. Good to see you.”
You sensed a lecture so you leaned against the car and folded your arms so he could speak. “Did Banner fill you in?”
“Not really.”
“We’re going back to get the stones. Like back in time. We’ve tested it. It works.....just as long as there are no fuck ups. So I guess it begs the question: are you going to fuck it up?”
“Not intentionally?”
He sighs frustrated, “Look, kid. I know Loki means a lot to you. We have to bring everyone back and if that means your boyfriend not coming back...”
“Husband.”
“No shit? Huh. If that means your husband. We have to sacrifice something.”
You were beyond yourself. Your magic jumped through your fingers wildly. He watched you eyes wide holding his hands up in surrender. “Kid. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like it sounded.”
“How many times did he save your asses? Yet you continued to punish him. Was his repentance not enough for you?! He sacrificed his life for that stupid stone. I don’t see anyone sacrificing you.” You raised your hand to knock him on his ass when Thor bear hugged you and dragged you away.
“Little sister you must control your temper. I will let you go if you promise not to kill anyone.” You struggled for a moment then relaxed against his chest. He spoke softly against your hair, “I want him back too. I miss him. If you can control yourself there is a way.”
He told you the plan to retrieve both the space stone and mind stone at the point of Loki’s arrest in 2012. “When they create the diversion you help him escape.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“You’re clever. You’ll think of something.”
Neither of you were thinking clearly. This was a stupid and not at all thought out plan. Neither of you accounted for the fact that he would be under heavy guard. The 2012 Avengers wouldn’t know you so they would be far less sympathetic to you if you were caught. And the biggest risk of all was that 2012 Loki was going through some things and was definitely not the same man you felt in love with. In fact, you wouldn’t be surprised if he figured out a way to use you and kill you when you were no longer needed. None of that mattered to you.
He waited for you to simmer down so he could bring you inside. You were met with sympathetic eyes and knowing smiles. You wanted to rip them all apart. The last eyes on you were Steve’s.
He gave you a quick hug hello and beckoned you into the other room.
“I haven’t heard from you in a few weeks. You doing ok?
Eyes closed. Count to ten. Deep breath. Don’t explode at the man. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“Because if we couldn’t bring him back I would have to watch you lose him all over again and I can’t do that. Tony ran the possibilities, honey. He’s not coming back. I’m sorry.”
“Mhmm. Well I’m here so can I help?”
His lip quirked up on one side, “You sure can, Princess. You can watch the platform and electrocute anyone who comes near it.”
Condescending prick. “No. I want to come with you.”
“Nope” he said with a pop of his lips.
“Steve, please! I just want to see him again. I’ll stay with you the whole time. I promise. And don’t tell me it’s dangerous. You know I can handle myself. Please.” You grabbed his hands and forced him to look at you. “I just want to see him. What would you give for that chance? What would you give to see the woman you love again?”
His eyes softened, “I’m looking at her.”
Your cheeks flushed. “I’m not talking about me.”
He knew you were talking about Peggy. And, you were right, he’d give anything. He couldn’t deny you this one time chance.
“Fine. But you stick by me and you do. not. do. anything. Promise me.”
“I promise. Thank you. You’re a good man, Steve. I love you.” You hugged him around his waist and he felt in his bones that this was a bad decision. He considered this his final declaration of his adoration.
“I love you too, Princess. Always.” He pressed the two pieces of Yggdrasil into your palm. He had kept them all this time locked away in a box inside of his sock drawer. Your eyes started to get a little misty. He kissed the top of your head and spoke softly in your ear, “Always.”
You all suited up jumped on the platform and hit the buttons. You landed in a alley littered with rubble from the attack. Hulk ran by smashing everything in his path. You split up into your predetermined teams and went to your positions.
Once you were in your new gear you joined the other men and women guarding Loki.
The closer you got to him the stronger the pull. You were falling apart inside. Every muscle in your arms trembled forcing you to reach out. To touch him. Your breath hitched in your throat and came out like a quiet sob. They all heard it. You shifted uncomfortably in your suit and your body propelled itself in his direction.
“Y/n, you good?” you heard Steve speak. He held his breath when you got closer to your husband. “Y/n keep it together. We are so close, baby” You held your finger to your earpiece and a high pitched ringing filled your ear. You cut your comms. “Shit! Tony, stop her!”
You were close enough to him now that he would be able to feel you. He had to know that you meant him no harm. You spoke softly so only he could hear, “Don’t look at me. When I say ‘go’ grab the tasseract and go. Blink twice if you understand.” He blinked twice and you moved away.
It all happened so fast. Scott triggered the arc reactor to short out. Present day Tony escapes with the Tasseract. You were supposed to follow behind him which you did. You felt Hulk’s rage emanating from the stairwell. In one fluid motion you pushed Tony towards the door and kicked the case which opened at Loki’s feet. He reached for the cube when he felt your hand on him. “Go!” and you followed with him.
Scott Tony and Steve made it outside with the spear. They argued for a second before Tony realized you weren’t with them.
“Where is she? Steve! Oh I’m going to kill her!”
Steve smiled and shook his head. “Come on, Tony. We’ll find another way.”
When they went back to the base in Jersey Steve began to feel all of the things he suppressed for so many years. He was a man out of time and felt like he had no place in it. He just wanted to get it right. Right now he should be old and surrounded by grandchildren. He was done fighting.
He never expected to see Peggy but there she was. Peggy wanted those things too. His eyes followed the curve of her crimson lips that he dreamed of kissing for years. He thought about your words. What would he give? Everything. When this fight was over he would give up everything. He made his decision right then and there.
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boop-le-snoot · 3 years
Text
PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 16
First time reader click here
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Summary/TWs: Trouble is brewing. Canon-typical violence, graphic descriptions of wounds and Clint whump. Bad, terrible, no-good medical accuracy. Aliens. Reader is an anxious genius with low self-esteem and PTSD. ✨spicy sadness✨
From now on, chapters will be posted un-beta-ed. She's taking a lil break. 💖💝✨
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I liked to think I had made peace with the fact that my boys and girls had one hell of a dangerous job. Natasha, Clint, Steve and Bucky frequently left for missions and while I missed their usual bickering in the background, it wasn't like the tower's common room became absolutely quiet. The fact that they mostly did recon-only missions helped, too, as they would come home unharmed and in one piece. The worry was there but subtle - like setting the table and including silverware for the people who were gone on a mission.
Peter's patrols went less smoothly, usually. He was small and even in his spider-suit, the boy was frequently underestimated by common thugs. Apparently, they didn't know how to read the news - it was blatantly obvious the hero was enhanced. And yet somehow, Pete more often than not sported all sorts of bruises, scratches and tears.
Tony and I routinely tore out our hair over the spiderboy's carelessness. The engineer had a funny way of showing he cared for Peter. Once I got to know him better, my brain dubbed them as Irondad and Spiderson. And it wasn't weird at all, somehow, that I was basically fucking my best friend's dad. Tony never made me uncomfortable, if anything, he went to great lengths to accommodate my whims. Tony continuously found time for me, answered my dumb questions and soldiered through the shenanigans I got up to after having too much caffeine and too little sleep.
Sitting in the quiet, empty common room was unnerving. It was shortly after dinner time - the evening news skipped their usual political debate in favour of the battle that was raging downtown, the reason for my headache and wrung hands.
I missed Tony's running mouth. The aliens the team was fighting looked quite hilarious, murderous intentions aside, and I could only imagine the way Tony and Clint would mock them. Hentai rejects. Tentacle porn knock-offs. The aliens were squid-like, about half the size of a human and very, very slippery, from what I spied on the TV.
An irritated-looking Stephen had me equal parts apprehensive and drooling - one after another, he conjured up a series of small portals, teleporting the aggressive octopods only god knew where. It would have looked incredibly badass if not for the exhausted sheen of sweat I could see on his brow, even despite the camera footage being shaky and grainy.
The news footage showed Tony - Iron Man, soaring contentedly through the darkening skies and taking out the squirmy mass of tentacles with his plasma beam repulsors. Steve and Bucky and Loki appeared too, sporadically, being well-oiled murder machines. Nothing new.
Yet, I worried. The little worm of doubt was squirming full-force. I tried to ignore it, yet pacing, sitting and playing Candy Crush got me nowhere. I pestered Friday to order pizza, the team's usual post-mission order plus a large one for me - stress-eating was better than stress-popping-molly in a tower full of superheroes. It took some courage to admit to myself I'd gotten attached enough to be this much from running away from all that in a blind panic.
And it would be the best option for them, really, because they had much sensible things to worry about than me. Yet every time, my selfishness won against even the most logical arguments I presented. I hated fighting myself but it was all I did - not only I was in love with Tony, I loved him.
Even when he forgot about my existence for five days, to emerge from his workshop with a new piece of tech that revolutionised one or another or something else. I loved him when he annoyed the ever living fuck out of everybody, me included, because I knew that it was hilarious to see people getting riled up over totally trivial shit. I loved Tony Stark when he ran away from his feelings, and everybody else's, because he never managed to run far enough. Or he didn't want to. I loved him, because he was like a multilayered puzzle, complex and captivating and beautiful.
I thought a lot about it, more than people would have noticed. For someone as selfish and goal-oriented as me, Tony lived in my head rent-free most of the time. And nobody would find out if I had the choice because let's face it, I'm a short cameo in his life. I'm a fuckin' catch and even then, I can't expect to hold his attention forever. His genius is too brilliant to settle for one when he could easily have the whole damn world.
Another hour consisted of me pacing and accompanying the pizza delivery boys to the common floor. It was hilarious - they were obviously star-struck about walking the same carpet as their heroes. I could see the faint hope of meeting one of the Avengers in their eyes, their posture. All they got was me - in my sweatpants, Tony's tee and no bra. My tits got the attention they deserved, at least.
My lounging was interrupted by a golden circle noisily appearing in the middle of the room, followed by Clint abruptly falling through it with a pained moan. I froze, the pizza in my mouth turning to ash - Strange poked his head through the hole in space, finding my eyes. He looked exhausted.
"Help him, I don't have much time," He breathed and disappeared, closing the portal behind himself.
The pizza piece flew back in the box as I stumbled, jumped over the headrest, kneeling beside Clint in no time. "Bird, tell me what hurts," I demanded. Not that I had a clue what to do. I mean, I knew basic first aid and...
"My leg," He gritted out, curling in on himself. Fear flooded me, limbs turning to lead. Hawk had a good pain tolerance, I knew he could break an arm and not utter a single syllable until he thought it safe to showcase his vulnerability. "That squid motherfucker stung me, I don't know. My whole body is on fire," His speech was slurred.
I nodded, deciding to limit the touching to only the necessary actions. The leg of his pants was torn and the wound itself was shaped like a whip mark, thin and red and angry. It oozed a yellowish pus-like substance, it smelled bitter, almost like stale water and seaweed salad. I didn't know much about aliens but jellyfish stings, I could work with. A short Google check later, I had an approximate plan.
"Friday, run diagnostics." I ordered, taking a deep breath and filing away the fear, the panic and anxiety for later.
"Mr. Barton has a wound that appears to be contaminated with an unknown chemical that is causing an adverse reaction. The elevated body temperature suggests that his immune system is fighting it. I would suggest a blood test to examine the offending specimens."
A blood draw? I could do that. I definitely, absolutely, could do that.
"Bird, Clint, did you hear that?" I gently touched his shoulder only for him to recoil from my hand, muttering unintelligibly. "Pretty bird, I'm going to help you. Let me." My bedside manner needed improvement - with brain running a mile a minute, I babbled utter nonsense as Friday directed me to the needed supplies. Getting the blood was a feat on it's own - I had to physically sit on top of Clint to get but a tiny vial of the red liquid.
A few tears escaped the emotional fortress I had to build within myself. Clint was in so, so much pain - pain I was inadvertently making worse by touching him. I sprinted to Bruce's lab, feeding the sample to be analysed by Friday, tearing through the room in a hurricane. First aid kit, IV, saline, antibiotics. Restraints, too, just in case.
"Analysis complete. The contaminant appears to be acting similarly to a parasitic infection with a short life-span. Primarily feeds on copper, iron and various metals contained in the human body. Does not appear to reproduce or multiply, my algorithms cannot determine the cause of said behaviour. Calculating..." Friday's mechanical voice paused. "I have calculated the approximate duration of Mr. Barton's symptoms. Onset of critical stage in one to three hours. Complete extinction of parasitic organisms in approximately sixty hours."
"Fri, do you think I have a chance of saving Clint before he goes crazy from pain? And have you figured out what's causing it?" My brain was all over the place.
"I have the best faith in you, miss." The AI sounded almost... Comforting? "I am still running multiple diagnostics. My algorithms suggest the organisms may be attacking the nerve endings - reason unclear."
An idea struck me. A crazy, brash, absurd idea. The pathogen was alien and we didn't have antibiotics to kill it. Even if I gave Clint some sort of medicine, it could go awry really really quickly. Besides, wasn't there a medical team for this..?
"Friday, alert the medical suite."
"Request denied. Per Mr. Stark's protocols, only Sir himself and Dr. Banner are authorized to request medical assistance in case of alien pathogen contamination."
"Fuck. Fuck, that makes no fuckin' sense!" I yelled helplessly. "Okay, do you have blood matching Clint's type laying around?" I asked sarcastically. This protocol pissed me off. What was Tony scared of? That someone would steal alien germs? Too late for that, there were plenty of samples all over the sidewalks downtown.
"A-positive, blue refrigerator, top shelf." Friday's answer was curt.
My hands shook. My whole body shook. Clint was laying in fetal position right where I'd left him and the man wasn't looking better - he became paler, dark circles under his eyes, clammy sweat breaking on every exposed part of his skin. Moving him was out of the question - Clint violently recoiled from me once I tried to touch him.
Reluctantly, I dragged the dining room chairs and piled up whatever heavy things I could on top of them, praying to every god that they would hold a trained man trash around in pain. Then, came the restraints. Belts with clips unlike one could see in a movie with a psych ward. I fumbled with them, then with Clint - very slowly, but I got both of his arms fastened and the man rolled onto his back.
"Wwhat... S'appening..?" Hawk finally slurred, cracking his eyes to see my (probably) disheveled and panicked face.
"This is going to hurt, I won't lie. A lot," I rambled, setting up the tools needed for both a blood draw and a blood transfusion. "I'm not a doctor. I'm not a scientist. You have alien parasites in your blood. I'm going to get rid of em," I announced, not mentioning the fact that I had to Google all the things I was going to do to him.
"S'okay, I trust you," Clint slurred again, moving about much more weakly than before. The tips of his fingers began to turn blue and the blood vessels on his face stood out in a pink-purple web. Not good.
My finest thinking moment: laying out some tarp around the archer and putting on gloves and a mask to minimize the possibility of getting infected. I started with the wound first, carefully wiping away the yellowish goop and immediately sealing it into a biohazard container. Some alcohol around the edges, the wound began emanating a faint wisp of smoke as Clint yelled hoarsely. I didn't even react - man, aliens and their germs were fuckin' weird.
Another biohazard container traveled next to Clint's arm. I had a disposable scalpel in one hand and my courage in another - it was now or never. The vein I was cutting was a minor one, but with Clint's body in total disarray, it was an ugly fountain of pinkish-purple liquid that spurted from it. I was no doctor but blood shouldn't have looked like that.
I stared at the timer on my phone. Twenty seconds, thirty, fifty. Eighty seconds, the blood was beginning to have more of a red hue. Clint's breathing slowed, tremors subsiding by a smidgen. One hundred and eighty seconds, the stream was a healthy deep red colour. With a swift motion, I wrapped up the wound, folded his arm, tied off the blood flow higher up his arm with a spare restraint. Clint wasn't moving much anymore; my hand that periodically checked his pulse shook but dutifully did it's job. His heart was working steady.
Compared to having to drain a friend of his blood, setting up the IV with a transfusion was a walk in the park. My mind was empty of any thoughts but for the actions needed to complete the process.
The container with contaminated blood, closed, sealed and put in a plastic bag, along with the gloves and the tarp. My own exposed flesh, meticulously scrubbed with alcohol until the skin became red and raw. All the instruments, Clint's pants, my clothes - in the bag.
The archer himself was laying still, his breathing steady and calm, face no longer looking like he was one step away from the grave. After undoing the restraints, I wiped down every surface we touched with Tony's vodka - rubbing alcohol had run out and I was too emotionally drained to go downstairs and leave Clint for too long. Whenever the booze collided with a stray drop of blood, a wispy smoke emerged. Such an interesting reaction. Part of me couldn't wait to examine the phenomena together with Bruce. The other part was considering the possibility of having a panic attack in a seafood restaurant.
"Fri, keep an eye- a sensor on Clint for me, will ya? I need a shower and some pants," I denounced tiredly, padding to the communal shower. I found respite, however brief, under the steam for a few minutes. Then I found Tony's old tee and a pair of someone's sweats - I didn't care whose. Post-stress adrenaline shivers had me feeling stark naked in the middle of Alaska despite the room being a toasty, comfortable temperature according to the digital thermostat.
Now I just had to think about what to tell the team.
Propping Clint's head on a decorative pillow and covering him with a soft fleece blanket was the least I could have done for the long suffering archer. The floor was hard but I sat next to him, running a hand through his matted hair, my brain an incomprehensible mess.
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✨ TAGLIST OF MY LOVELIES (OPEN) ✨
@another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby
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