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clatoera · 9 months

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Always Remember We’re Burned for Better Chapter 15: If I’m On Fire, You’ll be Made of Ashes Too

...Hey y’all. Sorry I sucked again and didn’t post for 17 days. I had a literal breakdown over boards and worked 70 hours a week two weeks ago and! Yeah! Here we are! Back to full length chapters too so! woo.

Direct quotes from Mockingjay are not mine!

TW for Glimmer’s speech at the end (Finnick’s speech in the book/movie)

Title from My Tears Ricochet (T swift of course)

AO3

Masterpost

As always. thank you to my besties, who I feel bad tagging every week, but I don’t feel bad tagging @kentwells ever so!

Anyway...let's do it.

“We’re never going to lose these ‘mentally unstable’ bands if you keep taking a swing at everyone who looks at us wrong.” Finnick flicks a shred of bread in Cato’s general direction, sure that no one would see him dare to waste food, even if that food was a glorified crouton. “You know she isn’t here for you to impress, right?”

“Leave him alone, Finnick.” Glimmer sighs, tired of yet another version of the same conversation. Cato’s unhinged. Glimmer’s unstable. Cato’s a loose cannon. Glimmer’s not to be trusted alone. “Gale deserved it, anyway, he’s running his mouth that the two of us are together-“

“And we would never.” Cato stabs the slightly sharper end of his spoon into the tray of lunch, having lost his privileges to any further utensil when he threatened to carve out Gale Hawthorne’s eyes with the spork he had just been upgraded to. “No offense, of course, Glimmer.”

“Oh, none taken! You were never my type anyway.” She offers over her full fledged fork and goes back to ripping up the stale roll to toss back at Finnick. “Besides , they were starting the same rumors about me and you Finny, that's not a rumor we need Annie to hear when we get her back.”

Such is how they, as the surviving victors, had decided to talk. It had to become when we got them back, not if. False hope or not, it was all they had to get them through day to day life in the hell hole that is District 13. It was a light at the end of an impossibly long tunnel that was the other side of this great war.

“I’ve had worse. He doesn’t even leave a mark.” Cato brushes off, taking Glimmer’s offering with an appreciative nod. “His only value is fawning over Fire girl anyway.”

“He keeps her stable enough. Which, you know you aren't getting any closer to getting them back by going after her personal attack dog, right ?” Finnick warns, noting how Katniss sits a safe distance away from Gale at their assigned table entirely across the room, firmly lodged against her little sister’s side.

“I find it hard to believe she cares about Peeta if she’s so easily moving on.” Glimmer huffs before she rests her left elbow on the table and her chin in her hand. “I’ll never be able to love someone else. And I don’t want to. You’d have to kill me before I'd just…move on that easily. She changes her man more often than she changes her braid.”

“Oh he wants her, but she doesn't feel the same.” Finnick assures, fingers falling into a familiar pattern of braiding his napkin. It was obsessive and unintentional, but it kept him in one piece. “She feels like she owes him, I think. For getting her family out…”

“And he left Peeta’s behind.” Cato reminds, a tone in voice that could nearly be disgust if someone really wanted to call it such, if they really wanted to look for meaning in the way he refers to the families from Twelve. “Seems like a low blow, leaving behind the family out of jealousy.”

He’ll deny it, fervently, to anyone who even suggests it, but there's something about the bombing of District Twelve right off the face of the map that settles inside him wrong. Sure, they were an outlying district, but wasn’t that the whole point of Panem? All the districts contribute to a greater good, providing some sort of service to the others. Twelve and Two, while plenty different, are both the mining districts after all. Maybe the mountainside villages of Two make the shantytowns of Twelve all the more desolate, but at their core, were they really that different in what they provided to the capitol?

If twelve was so expendable..what really makes the others any different?

Glimmer is the next one to renew the lease on her ‘mentally unstable’ armband, and lose their utensil privileges, when she actually uses a fork and goes after the same insufferable district twelve boy for having the audacity to insinuate that her relationship was fake.

–

“You two are wanted in the conference room.” A guard, maybe twice their age, announces at the door of their cell– room, okay fine it’s a room, but it may as well be their prison cell.

Glimmer shoots Cato a hesitant look– noone has ever wanted them in a conference, noone has ever given a single fuck about what they have to say about anything that happens to or around them. At this point though, what would the benefit of executing them be?

“Sorry, Conference call isn’t on my schedule for the day.” Cato holds up his left arm, with their printed schedules tattooed in for the day. Not that either of them followed them– ninety nine percent of their time was spent inside these four walls of this room. “Maybe if you factor it in we’ll consider–”

“It is not an option. You are expected promptly. Failure to attend will be seen as a direct act of discompliance and will have severe consequences.”

Cato tightens his jaw before he slips his feet over the edge of the bed, nodding to Glimmer to do the same. The narrowed look of her green eyes in his direction tells him all he needed to know– she can imagine the same consequence as him, which isn’t a direct threat to the two of them at all.

They say nothing as they follow this armed man, weaving through halls and up elevators, a route they could not re-create on their own even if they combined their brain power with the intention to do so.

The door has a keypad, opened only with a scan of the guard’s eye rather than any code they can memorize and exploit later.

Glimmer glances out of the corner of her eyes as she is ushered into the room a step in front of Cato, fully taking in the physicality of the guard as she passes him. They could probably take him, if one dispatched the gun from his hands and the other got him down.

Glimmer’s mental notes were tossed to the wayside when she saw the contents of the room.

Around a conference table sat Miss Mockingjay herself, Finnick Odair, a newly sober Haymitch Abernathy, Plutarch Heavensbee, Beetee, and a gray haired woman Glimmer could vaguely identify as the president of District 13.

Her eyes must betray her absolute distrust in the members of the room, as the guard behind her grabs her by the shoulders and goes to push her to the table, when Cato’s hand encircles one of the man’s wide wrists.

“Don’t touch her.” He warns, though it comes out as a warning growl. Cato would fight, that much he had proven over and over during their months long stint in the pit of hell that is District Thirteen.

“Now there’s no need for any of that–” Plutarch interrupts, and with a wave of his hand Glimmer’s shoulders are released and she steps forward on her own accord. “Please, sit. You two were invited here as guests for this conversation..”

“Oh, Guests? That's what we are here now? Guests?” Glimmer quips, but settles herself down in one of the conference chairs furthest away from anyone else, anyone who could reach up and grab at her. Guests, sure, of the local psychiatric lock down unit maybe.

“You have both been extended a generosity by District Thirteen under our protections. And you were both granted an even larger generosity under Miss. Everdeen’s Mockingjay deal. It would behoove you both to listen to the expectations that are required of you both.” The gray haired woman begins, addressing them both. However, it is like she sees through them both, refusing to look either in the face and instead staring through as if they are beneath her, unworthy of her attention.

Something about her steely gaze and underlying threats in her tone feels familiar to Cato, and for the briefest second it is like he is back in President Snow’s office being given an ultimatum with Clove at his side.

What he wouldn’t give to have her at his side now.

“...requested of you.” Plutarch intervenes, holding out a hand to stop the president from continuing on with what Cato assumes would be demanded. “We believe that having two victors from previously Career districts openly on the side of the Rebellion could help the cause, especially in District Two.”

“And before you start with the ‘we aren’t on the side of the rebellion’ crap,” Comes from Haymitch, who is more sober than either of them have ever seen him, looking dare they say well shaven and clean, “Remember who the Capitol has. If you think they’re being treated well out there… you’ve got another thing coming. This is how we get them back.”

“The faster we bring in the districts, the closer we are to Annie. And Clove. And Marvel. And Johanna and Peeta.” Finnick offers, also somehow miraculously looking healthier than he has since their time in Thirteen began. He had mentioned being allowed outside with Katniss for a few hours– the sunlight did him some good, clearly.

“It is expected that you will do your part to help this Revolution.” The cold voice of President Coin cuts through the warmer tones of past victors and a gamemaker, staring right into the center of Cato’s face. “If you give us cause to believe that you would in any way be a threat to this cause, we would have no choice but to remove that threat, and the threat your respective partners would present as well, once we got our opportunity.”

The threat is not even veiled, but before Cato can give her the rise and reaction Coin is prodding out of them, Katniss herself chimes in.

“That’s not part of the deal. The victors are pardoned. All of us.” Her tone is not the young girl who won the game, or the girl who gave everything for the sweet little sister that even Cato couldn’t hate, no, that was the voice of the leader of this rebellion. The power and insistence of someone with a lot more pull than she’d give herself credit for.

“Everyone is doing some part,” Plutarch interjects, attempting to assuage the underlying power struggle between the President and the Mockingjay. “Katniss is going into the battlefields, she’s shooting rallying calls on the front lines. Finnick has agreed to begin doing special features on fallen tributes from each district. Pulling on the heartstrings of every district one by one.”

“Glimmer, you were very popular in the capitol, maybe you could reach them.” Haymitch suggests, with a wave of his hand. “Smile, toss your hair, whatever it takes..”

Before Glimmer can snap back in response Cato takes over, despite how she deserves to say whatever the hell she wants at this point.

“How are you even getting in? Doesn’t Snow control the airways?” Cato leans back, arms crossed over his chest firmly, a stance of both disbelief and judgment. “Do districts even have televisions for this to get across?”

“I am responsible for the creation of a lot of the airways.” Beetee explains, wheeling his chair over to access a remote before clicking on the screen. “Here’s what we have so far.”

They watch the reel of Katniss in District Eight, as a hospital is obliterated in the background. They watch her on the front lines rediscovering District Twelve, and most notably, they hear her voice filling the air as she sings a song of rebellion and lovers running to their conjoined deaths.

“...maybe your talent should’ve been singing, not Fashion.” Glimmer comments, though there is no sarcasm or venom in her own tone. It’s a compliment, a genuine one, when she says, “you have a lovely voice, Katniss.”

“Peeta thought so too.” Katniss admits, finally making direct eye contact with the career girl for the first time. “It just..it wasn’t for everyone else.”

“Look at that, this government can exploit you, too. It’s not just the Capitol!” Glimmer snorts, shaking her head before glancing at Cato out of the side of her eye.

His jaw is locked, his knuckles nearly white from how tightly he is squeezing his fist together. Something in the conversation had successfully gotten to him, and while the source of all of his self control is locked in a cell in the captiol, he somehow manages to hold himself back for once.

“Katniss…let us talk. Alone. Finnick too.” Glimmer requests, glancing between the other two young victors in the room. There’s only four of them left, maybe only four left in the whole world for all they know.

Now is the time to make new alliances.

“Absolutely not.” President Coin interjects, shaking her head furiously. “The safety of Katniss is too important–”

“They won’t hurt us.” Finnick assures, giving a knowing nod to Glimmer and Cato both. There is an understanding, an agreement, amongst the victors. “Let us talk.”

Haymitch puts his hands up to prevent any further debate or questioning. “I say we give them ten minutes. We can wait right outside the door for them, come in the minute we hear a raised voice for something being thrown.”

“Ten minutes.” Plutarch agrees, and that seems to convince Alma Coin to eventually agree as well.

“You get exactly ten minutes. Nothing more.” She pushes herself back and the elder men at the table agree, shooting Glimmer and Cato a look of diluted venom, not quite a snake but maybe a scorpion instead.

The immediate second the door is closed, Glimmer lets out a shaky breath. “I don’t like her at all.”

For the first time ever, Katniss smiles at Glimmer, in a wordless agreement. Maybe the leader of the rebellion couldn’t say it, but the unhinged victim from District One certainly could.

“What the fuck is going on out there?” Cato immediately presses Katniss, the only victor who has seen beyond the perimeter of thirteen and into the real world. “Who’s fighting, is there an actual war happening?”

“All of the Districts have joined, except for District Two.” Katniss begins, oddly at ease with two of the people who were most determined to kill her. “Two provides the army, I guess–”

“Peacekeepers, yeah.” Cato agrees, giving an unsurprised nod. That was always the other option– you either went in the games and won or the high level of training guaranteed a higher rank in the peacekeepers upon graduation. There were the outliers, training partners who resented each other for not getting into the games, who married and tried to combine their mediocre genetics to create a victor child. That had not been successful, possibly ever, but every year there were one pair who tried it. “Two won’t be easy.”

“....even One is in the war? On our side” Glimmer pipes up, for the first time verbally acknowledging that yes, she is with the Mockingjay, too. “That’s a loss for the Capitol, they rely on us for..just about anything they enjoy.”

“It was you and Marvel, Glimmer.” Finnick reaches forward to grab at the remote, shuffling through additional propos as they talk, an audio buffer to protect their conversation from the inevitable listening ears just outside the door. “It had to be everything you said before the games. They had enough of sending their children to be trafficked. They’ve sent enough luxury goods, their sons and daughters aren't going to be added to the list of their hottest commodities anymore.”

“....do you know if Cash and Gloss are…”

“We don’t. But what we do know is that the Capitol is completely cut off from everyone but Two.” Katniss adds, looking between the two.

“You two need to see this.” Finnick interrupts, before he settles on a hidden file of a recording deep in the depths of a desktop folder . “They already think Katniss hasn’t, and I know they kept this from you two. You’re a liability when you’re angry.”

“What do you mean they’re keeping something from us, they keep everything from us, what else could it be-” Glimmer is cut off by her own gasp of shock, when the screen lights up with a scene in the President’s mansion. Peeta– looking far worse for the wear, fifteen pounds lighter than he had been just a week ago on the recording, with deep dark circles under his eyes– is flanked on either side by two other victors.

Their other victors.

Glimmer is on her feet first, a look of pure horror on her face as she reaches out to the screen to touch the ghost of Marvel’s face.

Like Peeta, he is easily fifteen pounds lighter than he had been when they were lifted from the arena. And though the collar of his shirt doesn’t seem to conceal bruises the way Peeta’s does, he looks overall limp. Lifeless. As if the fight has been sucked right out of him. Most notably to Glimmer, of course, is his eyes. The shining blue of his eyes lacks the joy and brightness she had come to find her home in, the one constant source of comfort ripped from them both.

“What did they do to him?” Glimmer whispers, frantically looking around the duration of the screen for any other clue. “Are they starving them? What are they doing to him?”

Clove does not look as distinctly ill to the untrained eye. Always small, the drop in weight is not as blatantly apparent on her. Sure, the darkness under her eyes is abnormal, but anyone would see it as a normal response to lack of sleep and stress. There is some purple discoloration at the top of her black dress, that may even be passed off as a shadow rather than bruising.

But when she slightly tilts her head to the side, Cato recognizes in an instant the way the corner of her lip twitches downward for the slightest moment. It was a tell, a tell only to someone who had spent the majority of his life pulling from her.

Pain.

Clove was never one to show it, not in the academy, not in the games, and surely not for the nation.

Cato, though, knew her tells and her secrets more than he knew his own.

“What the fuck did they do to her.” Cato pushes himself to a standing position immediately, his voice barely above a whisper. For all he can growl and scream, there's something almost more haunting about the way he whispers in this moment, like a man possessed. “Why the fuck did he touch her–”

“It’s a message to us,” Finnick has to explain, as Katniss locks her gaze on her feet and never at the screen. “They don’t say anything, Peeta does all the talking, but look at them. It’s a message, Cato. You’re here, you are guilty, and she is going to pay for it.”

Katniss does not look up, she can’t stomach to watch the violence that has occurred to Peeta yet again. Peeta, who has suffered for the crime of loving her, for the crime of being too good.

“I’m going to kill him.” Cato snarls, and though it isn’t said it is immediately understood who he means.

“You’re going to have to fight me for it.” Katniss chimes in, though she continues her lock on the floor while Cato and Glimmer keep their eyes locked on the screen.

“Why aren’t they speaking?” Glimmer half whimpers, unable to tear her eyes away from the remnants of her loved ones on the other side of the screen. “Why aren’t they saying anything!”

“Because Peeta’s the mouthpiece. Peeta is to the Capitol what Katniss is here. They started this rebellion, they have to represent it. They’re a message to you two, and you two only.”

“...has there been any sign of Annie? Or Johanna?” Glimmer tries, though her heart is with the dulled eyes of the man she loves on the screen.

The silence that follows provides the answer they needed, without ever needing to even be said.

“...I’m in.” Glimmer agrees in an instant, backing away but not breaking her gaze. “Whatever you need from me, I’m in.”

“We have to get them back.” Cato begins, though he has also moved to a standing position right in front of the tv. “I’m going to get her.” And though he’s made the threat before– and been shot down at the idea– the demand has new meanings. They need to get them and do it fast. “....I don’t know what I can say or do on these stupid videos. I have no big story. I don’t think I’m much help…”

He wants to argue, he wants to come up with an excuse as to why he’s no use, but he can’t. He’d do anything for that psychotic girl, walk to the ends of the earth for her, if it meant she was safe in his arms.

“Fuck it, I’m in.”

They never planned to die by being suffocated alive in the tomb that is the bowels of District 13 in a bunker, if they were dying it was in glory in the games or at their own hands on their own terms.

Cato, Glimmer, and Finnick were resolved to their own tiny corner, much like the lunch table, where none of the other citizens would dare come near them.

Cato sits on the floor, the heels of his hands digging so deeply into his eyes that it stung. If there were any light– which there is not– Glimmer would have been able to see the way he is digging into the skin of his hairline, like he wants to peel his skin from his skull.

It had been a nightmare to get him to agree to come under ground after the disastrous interview.

Peeta had been flying solo in an interview yet again, though Clove and Marvel must’ve been nearby. When whatever trance Peeta was in broke, he had warned them of their impending death, and the feed cut out as fast as the Capitol could manage.

Not fast enough, of course, to drown out the blood curdling scream in the background of Peeta’s broadcast. It would have been ambiguous enough, with no face to the name of an anonymous woman, until the single word she managed before the broadcast cut came across clear as day.

Cato.

Him. She was calling for him. Screaming for him, really, and here he was. Unable to get to her. Unable to help her.

“She called for me.” Cato repeats, over and over and over again, bordering a state of catatonia and hysteria as he refuses to get off the ground.

“I know.” Glimmer sighs, a half hearted agreement. There was nothing she could do, to ease his comfort. It was clear as day– Clove had screamed his name from deeper inside the President's mansion, and it was clearly a call of desperation.

Clove would kill her if she called it a cry for help, even if for all the world that is exactly how it sounded.

While it could have been a warning, like Peeta had given. A dead girl walking calling out in warning you too, Cato, he’ll kill you too. It could have been confirmation of what Peeta was saying.

No matter what her intention, it did not change all Cato could hear.

She had been his longest friend before she was his world, his longest ally, and they had always had each other’s backs. That was a plea rooted deeply in their childhoods, deeply in the core of who they are.

That was not a cry of a desperate girl, that was not the scream for her lover. That was a scream and cry for her partner, the one person in two she was supposed to be able to rely on to be there if she got in too deep of trouble.

And he failed her.

Not as her life long best friend, or as the man who married her.

He failed her as her partner.

He is only pulled from his self effacing spiral by the feeling of something soft brushing against his calves.

He nearly flinches when he realizes it is the tail of a soft little animal against his legs, and not some sneak attack.

A purring noise immediately betrays the creature as Katniss’s sister’s cat, the only pet in all of thirteen. The little thing didn’t like Katniss and so it already earned a bonus point in Cato’s book, and he thinks of his own little sister every time he sees the little blonde that belongs to the girl on fire. He gives the cat a half-hearted pet, remembering how desperately his sister had begged their parents for a cat for her fourth birthday, and how he nearly bought her one with his winnings a few years prior.

He lets himself think of the dog he and Clove will never get to have and begins to give the cat a more diligent pet in honor of the future they have lost.

He failed her. He failed her. He failed her.

He’s lost her.

The four of them, the surviving, youngest victors, are led above ground before anyone else is given clearance. It of course had to be deemed safe before they let precious Katniss Everdeen step foot above ground.

“What the fuck.” Is the first thing Cato thinks to say, when he takes in the surrounding destruction. Where as he had expected the smoke and ash, nothing could have prepared him for the blanket of white that littered the smoking land. For a second he wonders if it is snow, if somehow a nuclear winter has fallen upon them, but the warmth of the air pushes that idea right out of his head. He’s acutely aware of the team of videographers focused in on Katniss, priming and prodding her to make some statement about surviving an attack by the capitol.

There is a soft crunching under his foot, and when he sees the slightly luminescent spray of white rose petals under his heels, he realizes (though he does not understand) that they are walking in a sea of white roses. He is about to pick one up, to run the unnatural petals between his fingers, but he is immediately startled by the panic coming from Katniss just over the rocks.

“He’s going to Kill Peeta. I can’t do this–”

Cato steps forward, over the edge of the rocks to catch a glimpse of Katniss, as she slowly starts to unravel before the cameras.

There is a woman with a half shaved head with a camera in the girl’s face, prodding and poking at her to brag about the survival of the center of the rebellion against a direct attack from the Capitol, but Katniss is fading fast at their insistence.

“He’s going to kill him, because I’m the Mockingjay. I can’t do it.” Katniss utters as she staggers away, trying to avoid the cameras shoved in her face and their persistence.

Haymitch Abernathy takes her by the shoulders, and leads her out of the way of the Camera, but it isn’t enough for Cato.

Because if they’re going to kill Peeta, they’re going to kill Clove too.

He pushes the camera out of the woman’s hands, not enough to break but enough to be indisposed just for a little while.

“She isn’t fucking doing it,” Cato reaffirms, hand still resting on the camera equipment, not breaking it but not opposed to doing so.

Finnick leads the camera crew away before Cato can make any permanent damage to the equipment or the war effort.

–

“Why the fuck didn’t you let me go, I’ve been threatening to go for months and you left us behind!” Cato pushes firmly in the middle of Haymitch Abernathy’s chest, cornering him into the wall. “I should be there! It’s my fucking job, she’s mine.”

“You couldn’t be trusted not to go off on your own, Cato.” Haymitch explains, gently placing his hands on the young man’s shoulders. “It was impromptu, there wasn’t time to get you properly trained.”

“Properly Trained? I gave my entire life to training for this! I know what i’m doing–” He snarls at the older victor, and without Enobaria and Brutus here to cool him off he might just carry through on his most intrusive of thoughts, the ones that say to crush the man’s skull against the concrete wall. “I’m better trained than anyone in this hell hole.”

“You aren’t reliable. You’ll throw the whole mission to get to that girl, they couldn’t risk it.”

“Let me make something so incredibly clear. I will throw any mission, I would throw this entire district, I would let this rebellion burn to the ground if it meant getting to her. I do not give a single fuck about any other person in this entire district, but her.” Cato drops his grip on Haymitch, letting the man relax against the wall. “If they leave her behind, I am going to kill every single one of them. That’s a promise, Haymitch. I don’t need a sword or a knife or a gun or a fork. I will kill them.”

“That's exactly the problem, Cato”

“What is he doing..” Glimmer whispers, wiggling her thumbnail between her bottom front teeth. Her nails bleed from her biting to the quick, watching as Finnick commands the attention of the camera and the media screen behind them.

“It’s to distract while they’re in the training center,” Someone, Glimmer doesn’t care who, informs her.

Listening to his words, with his allusions and language with only insinuation, she wipes the blood of her fingers on the sad gray of her clothes, and steps forward.

“Put me on.”

Beetee quirks his head at her, and Plutarch gives her an unsure look, not quite trusting she knew what she was offering to do.

“Finnick has it.” Plutarch assures with a patronizing half smile, before redirecting his attention to Finnick and the broadcast going out to all of Panem.

“We were told to do our part, this is mine. Put me on.” Glimmer once again insists, this time walking herself right into the eyesight of the camera.

They cannot stop her when she steps in directly next to Finnick, as he recalls stories of secrets shared as late night pillow talk, as the exchange for his service.

“Stop sugar coating it.” Glimmer demands, stepping into the light of the camera.

The girl presented to Panem is a far cry from the beautiful bombshell of a victor she was once paraded around as. Once perfectly manicured nails bleed from the quick she had bitten them too. Once perfectly shiny, bouncing curls fall in two half braided pigtails, with crinkled waves going the length of her hair, frizzy ringlet curls framing her eyes. There is no perfectly winged eyeliner, eyelash extensions, or expertly applied blush.

She is not a shimmering shining prize, but she is still Glimmer.

“Finnick is so considerate as to give you a filtered version of what happened to us. I’m not. We weren’t just ‘sold’ to the highest bidder. I was brutally, violently raped. From the time I was fifteen years old. I have been held down until I screamed, and I have bled and begged people to stop. My sister, my brother, Finnick, Marvel..and countless others. We are not being rented, we are being violently abused. There is a trafficking ring of Victors. Starting from our childhood. I was fifteen. Fifteen years old! Finnick was Fourteen! We were children!” Glimmer catches Katniss out of the corner of her eye, who has a whole new layer of horror painted on her features. Katniss nods at her, to keep going, because if she is enraptured so is the entirety of the capitol.

“It doesn’t stop there! My entire life has been this. I’ve been sent to procedures where I don’t even know what they did to me! I’ve been drugged unconscious for days! I have sat in bath tubs full of my own blood, and woken up in sheets so wet with it that I couldn’t stand the next day! We lose our childhood to the games, but we lose our innocence to them! Seven years. Seven years of horrific abuse, and if I didn’t? Then my parents die. Then my older sister and brother, who already did all of this to protect me. They go after the people you love. Call this what it is. It is violence and it is abuse.”

Together, Glimmer and Finnick offer a passionate plea.

Finnick exposes name after name of a capitol official and bought him, listing the secrets of each and every one. Between stories Glimmer accounts graphic details of a girlhood lost, of specific moments of begging for death after fighting so hard for her life. Finnick exposes the President himself and his history of poisonous treachery, while Glimmer recounts the long nights and the aftermath of such horrific, harrowing moments of her young life.

Ultimately they lose the broadcast until Katniss steps in and directly asks for the President himself.

Glimmer steps out of the light, and realizes for the first time that she has tears running down her face, uncontrollable and unstopping.

Cato can’t help it, when he grabs her and pulls her in what could pass for a hug. He’s seen Glimmer as, well, Glimmer, for a long time. A career victor from One who had gone through a little too much at the hands of the capitol. Something about her now, though, goes deeper than that. She is someone’s little sister, someone’s little blonde sister who was robbed of the sweetness his own was so remarkable for. He is all too aware that he may never see his own again.

She is a brotherless sister and he is a sisterless brother, who would give just about anything to make sure his little blonde baby sister never even knew the kind of horrors Glimmer experienced even existed.

He watches over Glimmer’s head, as Katniss pleads her case to the president directly.

“You asked me to convince you I was in love with Peeta. Haven’t I at least done that?” Katniss questions, and there is an earnestness in her voice that even Cato cannot ignore.

Maybe she had convinced them all.

The next words Cato picks up on send a chill to the very root of his spine.

“Don’t you think I know your friends are in the tribute center? Cut them off.”

If his blood could run cold, it would have. As the feed cuts out, and Katniss begins to spiral- “He was taunting me, he knew the whole time!”-- and the reality starts to come from Beetee– “we can’t communicate with them” it all falls into place. The seemingly unbroken communication, the opportunity to plead directly with the president of the country..it all made more sense as reality set in.

It was a trap.

They were never getting them out.

“They’re dead.” Glimmer whispers, pushing him back and turning to face the screen. Her sob catches in her throat before she even realizes it is coming. “They’re dead, we aren’t ever getting them back!”

The four of them are corralled into a single, padded, locked room on the same level of the command center using various levels of sedatives.

Hours pass, maybe. They can’t be sure, in their windowless room, with some drug coursing through their system.

Finnick rocks and ties his knots, and Katniss has gone catatonic, resting her chin on her knees, humming that creepy death song from the propo she filmed what seemed like ages ago.

Glimmer lays against a wall, tears freely flowing from her eyes, matching the level of helpless she feels deep in the core of who she is.

Cato paces. Whatever they calmed them down with has started to wear off in him, based on his sheer size alone.

“When did you know you loved Annie?” Katniss nearly whispers to Finnick, voice and face flat in affect. “Was it immediate?”

“No. It was gradual. She snuck up on me.” Finnick nearly smiles, but then passes the question on to Glimmer. “What about you? When did you know?”

“We were friends for a long long time at first. I would sleep in his room a lot. Nothing ever happened and then..well It was actually during Clove’s games. I looked at him one morning and I realized that I wasn’t afraid when I was with him. He was right there, right in front of me the whole time.” Glimmer nearly smiles, but the tears do not stop. “Come on Cato, like we weren’t all there.”

Cato stops, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand for a moment. “We uh..we were fifteen. We trained together since we were ten, you know? She was at my house with my baby sister and I realized that I knew exactly how many freckles she had on her face. One hundred and forty seven. That isn’t a normal thing that you notice about someone.”

There is a soft silence that befalls them, as if it hits them at once that they are giving eulogies to the love they have lost.

“....It was on the beach in the Quell. That's when I really knew.” Katniss offers without prompting, the softness in her voice confirming what they had slowly grown to accept.

Somewhere along the line- during the quell, apparently– life began to imitate the art of the star crossed lovers' performance.

Time passes slowly in thirteen.

How long exactly, none of them know.

The door swings opens without so much as a knock, and Haymitch lets himself into the room of sedated, miserable victors, before he announces:

“They’re back.”

#clato #cato and clove fanfic #clato fanfiction #thg fanfic #thg au #ARWBFB TAG #always remember we're burned for better tag #glimmer and cato are bonding #trauma bonding besties #its almost time for..the reunitings

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catholic-character-tournament · 10 months

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Round 1 - Resurrect Bracket (Losers Bracket) Side B

ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to [make it to the finals]

Propaganda below ⬇️

Johnathan

Catholicism doesn’t really exist in the game but it also kind of does. Basically, Johnathan didn’t know that God existed until one day all the angels started coming down from heaven to have a war with the demons from hell. And then Johnathan made a pledge to go serve god and heaven and kill all humans living on earth because they were like “unfit” or “unclean” or something. So then Johnathan’s friend Walter goes to hang out with satan and then they become enemies :( But he’s basically catholic even if he doesn’t directly call himself that so i’m gonna say yes.

Johnathan literally fuses himself with god to become merkabach. He is unhinged. At the start of the game i thought he was cool because he didn’t want me to kill my best friend like WALTER did. And unlike WALTER, johnathan didn’t fuck up the boss fight with the minotaur. But then johnathan became really really bourgeoise or bougie idk whatever idk how to spell it. And then johnathan was like “FUCK POOR PEOPLE” and i was like no girl nooooo. But johnathan wanted to fuse himself with god and wipe all humans off the face of the earth because heaven thought they were impure. So he was trying to invoke the angels of destruction so badly and i was like johnathan you can’t do that son, and so i had to beat his ass. And then by extension i had to also beat god’s ass. And then i don’t really remember what happens but johnathan was essentially the most catholic guy in existence considering i don’t know anybody else who was chill enough with god to do steven universe fusion with him.

ok so like in smt theres alignments . chaos neutral and law. jonathan is the local lawboy and this means hes like the one who rather follow the rules already established and reject radical changes. but anyways hes also shown to be some sort of follower of god in this world and also of the like. local religion or whatever in mikado (where everyone is from) and hes very devoted to the cause and to keep things peaceful as they are now instead of trying to change shit up like walter (the chaosboy)

if he wants to commit genocide who am i to say no

has one fight with friend and decides to become an angel about it and nuke tokyo off the map

Fuses with literal biblical angels to become another angel that then wants to genocide anyone deemed ungodly/unclean by the biblical higher powers (which includes the entire population of Tokyo. And people who read manga).

Dude he is absolutely insane. He's my poor little meow meow. The party got high and he rolled around on the floor and meowed because he thought he was a cat. He is also so insanely gay. Like stupidly queer coded . that just makes the catholic guilt hit harder tbh

Gay boy who dies in every timeline

Felicia

catholic school girl to lesbian pipe line. i bet she takes communion on the tongue.... hot

#shin megami tensei #jonathan smt #smt #father paul hill #midnight mass #cct polls #tumblr tournament #tumblr bracket #tumblr polls #felicia hardy #black cat #marvel #spider man #polls #r1sb

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violetrainbow412-blog · 2 years

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I was meant to be yours [A. C]

Adrian Chase x reader

Word count: 1.5k

A/N: this is literally something I wrote because I'm obsessed with that song and wanted to indulge myself. I'll leave you the clip below (I think she had a good time on tiktok, maybe you know it) it's very good and I can imagine Adrian singing it. I hope you like it!

Meant to be yours

"I'm home, my love!" you said to nothing. It was late and surely he would already be home, since he had promised you not to do patrols that night and instead spend time with you "Adrian?" you insisted, without hearing any answer. You had begun to resign yourself to the idea that surely one of his friends had an emergency and had asked for his help, as usual, when suddenly you heard music coming from your shared room. You knew what song it was, the same one he had been listening to for almost the past week.

You chucked me out like I was trash,

For that you should be dead—

You could hear in the distance. They were the opening lines of the Heathers musical song 'Meant to be yours'. Adrian and you had gone to the theater to see him a few days ago and he seemed to have become obsessed with the songs, something you didn't imagine could interest him. He regularly put them in the background when he was busy doing other things, but this time it was different. You sneaked up the hall and saw the door to your room ajar, so you peeked inside a bit and you could see the boy in a long trench coat that surely belonged to you. You smiled slightly as you understood what was happening.

But! But! But!

Then it hit me like a flash, the boy moved with both hands, deftly opening them to resemble the flash of a camera and you tried to contain your laughter.

What if high school went away instead' he continued, taking a dramatic turn and facing you. He wasn't wearing his glasses, looking younger.

You suddenly froze, afraid that he would be upset that you were spying on him, but instead he grinned and pointed one of his fingers at you as if he had just had a revelation.

Those assholes are the key!

They're keeping you away from me! carefully he walked up to you and pulled you by the hand, to take you into the room, without ever leaving his role.

They made you blind, messed up your mind

But I can set you free! he promised you. You had begun to understand where things were going and had already smiled in anticipation. You had only seen the musical once, but you remembered very well the development of the scene.

You left me and I fell apart,

I punched the wall and cried—

Bam! Bam! Bam! the volume of his yelling made you jump in place a bit and you didn't notice how steady his voice was until this moment.

You liked that side of him, he was a little... unhinged. More than normal.

Then I found you changed my heart and set loose all that truthful shit inside!

And so I built a bomb

Tonight our school is Vietnam!

Let's guarantee they'll never see their senior prom!

The chorus was coming, you knew, and when he started to sing, he took you by the hand again and looked at you with his eyes shining, completely in love.

I was meant to be yours!

We were meant to be one!

Don't give up on me now!

Finish what we've begun!

I was mean to be yours!

So when the high school gym goes boom with everyone inside—

Pchw! Pchw! Pchw! he had already released you and did a little dance accompanying this that made you laugh.

In the rubble of their tomb

We'll plant this note explaining why they died!

Adrian gave the speech of what those students were supposed to have written in the petition they had signed, perfectly remembering the words and with a lost look. You started to get a little scared because he really sounded like a murderer, although you knew perfectly well that it was your boyfriend. I mean, he was a killer, but he seemed a little more psychotic.

We'll watch the poor smoke out the doors.

bring marshmallows,

We'll make s'mores!

We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars!

Again he sang the chorus, with the same passion and love as before, but this time when he took your hand you felt how he pressed it harder than it should, almost hurting you. Then he pulled you roughly towards his chest and this scared you away because his breathing was heavy and his eyes were a darker green.

You were meant to be mine!

I am all that you need! in this second verse you tried to let go, but he didn't let you.

You open my heart!

Can't just leave me to bleed!

After this, you finally broke free and ran to the bathroom to lock yourself in there. You still didn't know if it was to keep letting him do his little act or because you were seriously scared.

You felt how he hit the door, hard, and again you jumped in fright.

Y/N, open the—open the door, please' he began, voice strong and demanding. But soon it faded to a gentle voice.

Y/N, open the door.

Y/N, can we not fight anymore, please he sang, almost in a groan. When you had seen the musical, you had sworn that you would never have let JD in, but now that it was Adrian who was begging behind that door the situation was completely different.

Can we not fight anymore'

Y/N, sure, you're scared,

I've been there. I can set you free!

Y/N, don't make me come in there!

I'm gonna count to three! he had gone back to that serious and angry voice as if you really refused to let him in.

One! Two! Fuck it!

You thought maybe he would be more dramatic, but it was enough for him to slide the goatee in his hand and he could meet you. You were there, standing in front of him, but when he saw you, he put his hands over his lips as if he were looking at a corpse. Though of course it was supposed to be.

Oh my God! Do not! Y/N!

Please don’t leave me alone’ he sobbed, while he came closer and tenderly held your face with his hands. It looked like he was about to cry.

You were all I could trust

I can't do this alone… he whispered, his voice broken and pleading. You had really forgotten that it was all about one of Adrian's antics, you were feeling like Veronica herself under his desperate touch.

Probably if Adrian had asked you to go with him to bomb a school, you would have thought twice before saying no.

Still I will if I must! he broke away again and sang the last line, barely missing the notes. Then you heard him sharpen his voice considerably.

Y/N! he said, making you smile at his imitation of the female voice

I brought you a snack… Y/N? he asked. He then pretended to scream while the soundtrack did and finally it all ended, leading to another song that he had put on Youtube autoplay.

You didn't want to say anything, because you were stunned. You never thought you would see such a show.

“You know, I expected to see a lot of things when I got home, but this definitely wasn't on the list” you managed to say, while he laughed and picked up his glasses from the table where he had left them “I didn't know you could sing so well"

"I have many talents that you don't know about yet," he said coquettishly, as he approached you and took your waist with both hands. Now he wasn't rough anymore, he was just tender like always.

“Have you ever thought about being an actor? Trust me you're convincing” you complimented him, making him blush “For a moment I freaked out. You looked really… crazy”

"I am. I'm crazy about you” he smiled at you, leaning closer to steal a kiss from you. It was different from his normal kisses, this one was a bit more mischievous and deeper. You felt him bite your lip, hard, and you bit back a groan. A little pleasure, a little pain “You're so pretty when you humor me,” he said, affectionately.

"You almost always look cute when you do stupid things, so I can't help it" you replied, in the same way "By the way, is that coat mine?"

“Maybe,” he murmured, innocently, “But that doesn't matter now. Let's go outside, you must be tired from your day. I will cook you dinner and in the meantime you can tell me how it went”

“By ‘cook’ do you mean heating something from the refrigerator in the microwave?”

"Yes, but it sounds more romantic when I say I'll cook you dinner, don't ruin the moment" he snorted, as he took your hand and brought it to his lips to kiss it.

“My cute little psycho,” you told him lovingly, while you kissed his nose.

“I'm not a psycho” he answered, almost offended “I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research”

“That's from Sherlock, I know. I will never leave you the television again, nor take you to any play. You absorb the personality of every character you see” you laughed, kissing him again and then being led into the kitchen for him to pamper you.

TAG LIST: @aleksanderblack-blog @fictionalcharactersworld @falcvns @navs-bhat @itszero16 @fortheloveofaqueenfan @secretsthathauntus @queenofnightdreamland @siriuslyfearless @darkestbeforethedawn16 @srhxpci @gossamer19 @scandalous-chaos @peter-parkers-cullen-nerd @archangelaurii @thxtmarvelchick @lionsmessis @spidervee @mssbridgerton @uwiuwi @chaotic-fangirl-blog @beebop-uwu @kiki-ren @buckyjbarneswhore @andiforgetaboutyoulongenoughh @aleksanderwh0r3 @horridhenry06 @bxnnywatts @captainsteverogers05 @shesbiochem4 @isabelleforest73 @ladyghosts @triumph-of-form-over-content @dinfarrik @renataficrecs @the-ice-frozen-ground-red-rose @amirahiddleston @myguiltypleasures21 @s-we-e-t-t-ea @drayshadow @aprilfire18 @generalfoolish @fruity-dirtbag @lucinasbitch @droopingdatura @rishlurh @theeblackbarbiesworld @lithium-baby

#adrian chase x reader #vigilante #adrian chase gif #peacemaker #hbo peacemaker #dc comics #vigilante fluff #adrian chase fluff #vigilante fanfic #vigilante x reader #heathers the musical #Jason Dean #veronica sawyer

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theroyalsavage · 2 years

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heyoo!! sorry this is kind of an annoying ask so feel free to ignore but I loved all your thiam fics and they characterizations you have for everyone especially theo is so spot on and perfect so I was wondering if you could do a character analysis on any of them?

hi anon!! thanks so much for your kind words! i’m 99% sure this unhinged rant is not what you were hoping for but bestie my professors chose violence this week and my brain is made of soup so please. bon appetit

i really think the thing that's so compelling to me about theo is how fundamentally his character arc captures the themes of change and redemption that are at the center of teen wolf's dna as a show.

pretty much as soon as his betrayal is revealed in 5a, theo's framed as a figure whose very survival has itself become a selfish act. tara's heart is an obvious and visceral symbol of what he's taken from others in order to survive, but her death is also a direct parallel to what he does to tracy and josh, and what he tries to do with scott. like corey and mason and the rest of the chimeras, theo is a victim of the dread doctors - perhaps even more so. he was a child, taken from his family, raised in an unloving and unsympathetic environment for almost ten full years. as a result, his primary defense mechanism has become a twisted sort of ambition. gain more power, and no one can hurt me. gain a pack, and i won't be alone anymore. become an alpha, and i’ll never feel helpless again.

in 6a, after he's brought back from superhell (rip), theo immediately declares himself to be the same person he was before he was sent away. joke’s on him, though, because within three episodes he’s actively sacrificing his life for someone for the first time that we're aware of. when he throws liam into the elevator and stays to hold off the wild hunt, there is absolutely no reason to believe he’s getting out of there alive. nobody else has up to this point. s5 theo wanted liam to kill scott - kill his alpha and his friend, scarring himself permanently in the process - so that theo could kill liam and gain both of their power. s6 theo, unprompted, makes the choice to put his own self-preservation on the backburner in order to give liam the chance to survive another day. setup, meet payoff.

i really think a lesser show might've killed him there - redemption complete, a selfish existence thrown on its head and then ended. when it’s not doing the Absolute Most, though, teen wolf actually kind of slaps really hard. so instead, we get s6e10 the wolves of war (complimentary). this episode is a mess and i understand why people have issues with it, but i'm a wolves of war apologist just because of theo's final scene in the hospital. that shit is such immaculate character work. i cannot shut up about it. s6e10 tells us that what theo needed to be redeemed was never to die for someone - it's to fight with someone, to live with someone, to reframe existence and life and growth in terms of support and mutual benefit instead of selfishness. theo’s able to take gabe's pain, in the end, because he's no longer putting his own self-preservation first. but he doesn't need to die to prove that - instead, he fights at liam's side, and eases gabe's pain as he dies, and proves his survival does not have to be a selfish act.

theo proves the point scott’s been making for the whole fuckin show. he's not only capable of change, but he does it - and he does it because he decides to. because he finds something - someone - worth fighting for. it doesn't erase the things he's done, but it does recontextualize them. i believe that in life we do the best we can with what we're given. theo was given tara's heart and a chimera's body and then - finally - liam's outstretched hand. good is a verb, not an adjective. theo is redeemed because he's given the opportunity to, and because he actively seizes that opportunity.

theo raeken is when dove cameron said “so you wanna talk about power? / well, let me show you power.” and when mitski said “open up your heart like the gates of hell / you stay soft, get beaten. / only natural to harden up.” and when khalid said “sister, sister, please know that i’m sorry; / i wish you could’ve stopped me.” and when mary oliver said “you do not have to be good... / you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” and when rina sawayama said “i’m trying to be normal / but trauma is immortal... / i don’t wanna be a monster anymore.” and when silas denver melvin said “you are not as damned as you think you are.”

#anons #oooooh boy theo raeken u live rent free in my cranium #he's like a marble inside the pringles can that is my skull and the universe is shaking it vigorously #i didn't even mention this but cody christian is fuckin phenomenal in this role. he did what he had to do he gave what he had to give.#i got a lot of shit to say about liam too but like. i've subjected you to enough here #sorry this is absolutely unhinged and also if this isn't want you had in mind anon dsfjghgk i have 400 pages of reading for this week #if i see another acronym my brain is going to implode on itself

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plushiehamuko · 1 year

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I HAD A DREAM ABT MASTERMIND KAEDE and she was SO unhinged and crazy and she had this based outfit and it was sooooooooo…i was in awe. I tried drawing it but alas…the idea didn’t convey itself. Tell me abt ur mastermind! kaede thoughs PLS

OOOOOOOOO THAT IS SUCH A COOL DREAM I AM JEALOUS HONESTLY...

mastermind kaede is actually SUCH a good and interesting idea because she could actually be a really good mastermind.

because like. if she wants to, then this girl can manipulate. she very much knows how to take one look at a person and instantly figure out the best way to get through to them; of course, the biggest and most obvious example is shuichi. she had him wrapped around her finger so fast because it didn't take her any time at all to figure out exactly what he needed to hear. she didn't use this ability to harm him, at least not intentionally, because she is a super kind person with the best intentions. another less common example of this is actually her fte with kirumi. kirumi is quite stubborn in her ways and insists on always putting others before herself. but when kaede talks to her, she is able to phrase things in a way kirumi responds to. instead of insisting kirumi should take care of herself for her own sake, kaede insists that it would benefit her classmates despite kirumi being her main concern, and because of this, she actually takes this advice seriously and agrees to change her behavior. once again, she does this with fully kind intentions and has kirumi's best interest at heart.

all that is just to show that kaede just has this amazing ability to understand others almost instantly, and that in combination with her strong optimism and kindness is what makes her such a wonderful friend and a lovable character.

however, if that ability fell into the hands of someone with bad intentions? they could make all hell break loose.

imagine a kaede who still has this ability to gain everyone's trust, who doesn't die and instead makes her rounds to become close to everyone. everything seems like the normal, kind, loving kaede we know until the numbers of remaining living classmates gets lower and lower. and eventually, something just seems off.

imagine the despair in shuichi discovering that this girl that he loved and trusted more than anyone was actually the one causing the pain that his classmates have been experiencing. there is nothing so full of absolute soul-crushing despair than to have the person who has been lifting you up and giving you hope that you and your friends would all escape together be the one who made you go through this in the first place.

imagine her becoming completely unhinged once she is discovered, a sadistic, evil, vile person that is completely unrecognizable compared to the girl that anyone would have insisted is too kind to even hurt a fly just a few days ago. her standing there and recounting just how easy it was to get everyone to behave according to plan, denouncing every last heart-to-heart conversation as just another piece of her plan. fitting for the theme of the game, everything was a lie.

it honestly suits her so well and is such an interesting idea to explore!! without even changing most of the things that make kaede the person that she is besides her optimism and hope, she can become something so despicable, and that is so cool.

#squishy talks too much #this idea has me so so so mentally ill #she is EVIL and CRUEL and AWFUL and WICKED what the HECK #i love her #people talk to squishy!!#about kaedes <3

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navxry · 10 months

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You seem to be curious, no? Yes, I am indeed a literate rper! However, I have my regulations on... Matters like these.

Disclaimer: Despite the rules here, this is not made to target anyone specific. This is just my guideline for you AND for me because I myself sometimes do things that can be wrong, so I hope this can help you as well.

RP Notice:

I don't open up threads with just ANYONE that DMs me that wants to rp with me.

Be advised that I only do it when I'm aware we're friends, or if you want to do it as well and you don't mind. I've been roleplaying with a lot of people for years now, and I have a lot to say on my experience, so I'm being more selective with who I'm picking my partners on making threads.

If I don't reply for one day, please don't spam me in hopes I'll reply or constantly change your reply to remind me to reply.

Not only are you wasting your time, I'd be less motivated to reply to you. I have a life outside of roleplaying and in general, mostly focused on what I need to do and the like. If I don't reply for longer than 3+ days, remind me then unless I told you I'll be busy/going through a burn out.

If I tell you I'm burnt out of roleplaying a certain muse, please don't ask me to RP their AU versions or their genderbent version (if it exists).

This goes to everyone that knows me and probably has ideas of AUs with one or two same characters. All of us experiences burnout at SOME point, and I'm no exception. I may be kind in wording out the fact I'm burnt out, but if you ask me to roleplay their genderbent version or AU versions of themselves, be warned that I will deny if the burnout is recent OR if I really don't want to.

I hate being mean and/or putting up a boundary, but it makes things less fun if even YOU can tell from my replies that I don't want to roleplay as this person. So, for the sake of our enjoyment... Respect my wishes when it happens. Please.

Do not roleplay with me if you expect me to do all the work, especially in double ups.

What sucks ass in roleplaying is if you're getting one character while the other does most, sometimes all of them. Not only does it stress me out, it becomes less fun because it feels like it's only YOU that enjoys it.

Alongside this, be warned that on certain moments, I can and will ask you to roleplay as someone else that I either like or I can't roleplay at all. This is also evident with double-ups, because I myself cannot do self-indulgence. Do not tell me to do it myself, because chances are, we will not get along. Also, I do not care if you can't roleplay the person as close to canon, just respect my wishes and we'll be fine.

Do not godmod the roleplay.

Please, please, please don't dictate what you want a certain character to do/feel at ALL. I absolutely HATE having this happen— and especially if it's to someone I'm musing for YOU. If you want this character to do something that I'm not allowing them to (e.g.: make a sweet character do something unhinged, or even controlling them to do a certain action when it's obvious they aren't doing it on my reply), either tell me or don't do it.

Alongside that, Godmodding takes the joy out of roleplaying. I'm not an AI like character ai, and if you think I am, dni. I will not entertain people that would godmod my sonas, ocs, or even the characters I'm roleplaying as just because you didn't like what they're doing.

Be respectful of each other's interest.

If someone expresses an interest, please entertain it first. This is also evident on the matters of double-ups. Don't make it focused on what one person will do alone— its weird and it can be difficult to take it seriously. Also, I get uncomfortable when it happens.

This also applies to ideas on AUs and other matters. Please be warned that although I don't say it verbally, people could find it uncomfortable if they hate the attention being distributed equally. Finally, this applies to self-ships: do not make it all about you or your character unless said idea IS all about you or your character. I don't like saying it often, but if I do, it means you stepped over said line.

Please don't rp with me on one fandom only and only about you or people you like only :(

Sorry, selfshippers, but this is gonna be directed to those that want their selfship being rped but not... Anything else. See this as less of a warning and a gentle reminder that I have other interests and I am not a robot. I refuse to roleplay only one fandom alone, and I actually like it if there are more we can do. Again, I'm not a robot— I'm a human. Please respect me as one.

Finally, remember the human behind the screen.

A gentle reminder that in rps, we tend to forget we're all human. And that we're all not gonna be the best at times in roleplaying, and that's okay 🫂 I may have experience, but even I'm not great.

Remember that if you feel burnt out on a fandom, let your partner in rps know and do something else. Take care of yourself first BEFORE roleplays, and if your rp partner expresses the same, give them respect.

Don't see them as this easy/always online person that would entertain you forever. We're all humans, and that's one thing we all forget. So try and remember that.

I may add more as time goes on, but this is the list for now. If you have any inquiries, please let me know.

#🌹| navi speaks #🌹 | rp memo #🌹| do not reblog

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galunacycheckyourheadtour · 11 months

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Searching for Komorebi Part 3 - Coming out of hibernation by setting fire to the den

Where was I....So it had been quite the eventful first day at the retreat. I went back to my Koyt, getting straight into bed hoping for sleep - which for once came quickly and deeply for a couple of hours. I woke at 2am, sitting bolt upright, gasping for air after the most lucid dream. The dream was about falling into a river, grabbing a branch and having to make the choice to let go of the branch and cascade down a fierce flowing river which was so sparkly, it blinded me and I could not see anything around me.

I didn't have to page Freud about that one....I don't usually dream so obviously. Usually, I dream about making concept albums by jumping on light bulbs, shouting and singing ‘fuck’ in 20 different languages, with Warren Ellis wearing a sparkly jumpsuit. To be fair, I think I would have preferred that. (Sorry had to add some light to this) Like a tidal wave, the loss emotion hit me hard again and I was once again in childlike sobbing fit. This came and went every couple of hours. Again, it was not scary, it was just overwhelming, exhausting and I really did not know when it was going to end. It felt like the plug had been pulled and there was an endless stream flowing out of me. By the time, 8am came around, I did not feel I could see anyone else. I decided to rest and pull myself out of activities for the morning. I stayed in my cabin and I really tried to work through what was happening by journalling. I just felt like I needed to have my own space. I am so used to processing and doing everything myself, I was struggling with showing my emotions to everyone. I was struggling with the fact that I felt unhinged, even though I knew it was a safe space.

I thought about the feeling of loss that kept surfacing. It was not necessarily loss of person or a thing, it was loss of myself, loss of my voice, loss of my identity - I really did not know who I was anymore. In this group women, I felt like I did not know how to hide or nor did I want to for a change. I was exposed, and I think that was the overwhelm. I could not be anything more than me, and I didn’t want to be anything else. But could I trust myself to just be me, and whatever did that look like anymore. Who the fuck was I?I could not believe I had lost so much of myself over the past couple of years in all areas of my life. In my self imposed hibernation over the last year, I had somehow become reclusive and unsure - I have always lacked confidence but this was something else. The afternoon came and we were due to go to the coast. I contacted Kate to let her know I would stay back, that I was feeling wobbly. The minute I sent the message, I felt stupid and selfish to both the group and to Kate, maybe I could just get on with it. But I knew I couldn't and actually more importantly, I shouldn't. I push through things all the time, and suffer for it - this was my process to own. Kate came to see me privately in my cabin and was incredible. What I loved is that she talked to me like an adult. This powerful lady, casually lay on my bed and asked me what was happening, made all my feelings and my reaction to the healing feel normal and validated. I was honest, I was very apologetic, in that I was feeling overwhelmed by the thought of being around people, while I was processing whatever this was and just needed a bit of time. Again, she did not pander to me, she once again confirmed to me to own my process, but that I needed to stop apologising constantly for being me. I immediately said sorry!! hahah! But It is true, sorry is my used word. I also observed that I was surprised how much, I did not trust my voice and that I struggled in the group situations, it felt good to say out loud. We decided that i would stay back and I would go on a walk. I listened to them all leave, and felt sad I was not going with them but also I felt a huge amount of relief. I knew what I was going to do, I knew what was calling me. I put my wellies on and I walked into the ancient forest. Because it is private woodland, it was all mine - no one else was there - I could be just completely me. Spend as much time as I want for the next three hours. And that is what I did. I mooched through the bluebell glade, I sat on a rock by the river with my feet in the water, found a special rock that I took back with me, I took loads of photos, I sat and was quiet and listened to the sounds of the forest and the water and then I went up to the ancient forest and Tor. It was so silent, and perfect, I touched the trees, talking to them out loud about everything. I thanked them for listening and I felt the power return to me. It probably sounds a little silly to you as a reader, but to me in that moment that it was just what I needed to do. I used to do that sort of thing when I was a child. I had such a big imagination and always believed The Faraway Tree was real, I had imaginary animals I used to talk to. So it felt like I had returned to that part of me, that happy little girl. I walked back to the Koyt with purpose, no more hiding away, no more apologising, no more changing myself to fit in - I felt like a fire had been lit inside of me. I was going to join everyone else that evening for the ceremony. I was looking forward to seeing them to hear about their coast trip. Something had flipped in me. I didn't feel apologetic, I felt like I had taken charge of my journey, I did what was right for me.

I rejoined in the communal area, the hugs were amazing, everyone didn't make a big deal again, just welcomed me back more warmly than ever. I got back into it all again and felt happy to be around all of these awesome women, who were all coming alive more and more before my eyes. I loved it - maybe because I had been away from them, I noticed and felt it more it was inspiring. It was such a perfect evening. We wrote on blocks of wood the things we were going to release. We spoke it out loud. For the first time in the process, I felt my voice was clear and true - I was funny, I felt in control. I told them i was releasing the past, and most importantly the constant apologising - I was embracing being me. We whooped, we hollered to the sky and it was all so magic. We placed the blocks in the fire and it was lit. We went and had dinner - another delicious vegetarian Indian meal and we all laughed and chatted, it was the beautiful sound. It felt like we had been friends for years. Then it was time for the fire ceremony, we sat around the fire - the mood changed to a more cotemplative one, as we wrote our personal intentions on pieces of paper, that we dropped one by one into the fire, whilst Kate drummed. The owls hooted, and the wind whipped up and blew the grasses making them whisper, the lambs and sheep bleated, the pieces of paper burnt furiously and it really did feel like it was just us in the universe. Magic. We held hands and I cannot really describe that moment, except that it was probably the perfect moment - a powerful, quietly strong moment. As we hugged, I started to drift back to my head and decided that I would go back to my Koyt. That moment had been so big, I almost did not want anything to touch it, to change it in my mind. I felt so powerful, and also like I had awoken and I had stuff to flipping well get done. No more living in limbo, no more procrastinating, no more hiding, no more hibernating , in my mind, I had set fire to the den so I could never go back. I decided at that moment that I would leave early the next morning before everyone woke. There was a morning full of activities but I was in such a different head space, I needed to be on the road, going home to get things done, to have conversations that I had been putting off. I needed that fire ceremony to be the close of my retreat experience, with those powerful women who had come so far surrounding me, empowered by the flames. Now, I did struggle with again doing something selfish, that maybe it would not be good for the group. What would Kate think. But, I knew it was the right thing to do - in my gut, I knew they would understand. I had come to a magical place, I had let go of the branch and I had gone down the river and now how I navigate it is up to me. So as I walked through the misty glade at 5am in the morming, I felt strong and proud for owning my decision. I closed the gate with a click and I drove... ******** Some gratitude:

Firstly, and most importantly to Kate Young. Who is one of the most powerful women I have ever met, whenever I saw her I thought of a warrior woman, surrounded by fire (Boudica was the name that kept popping into my head) with huge energy, huge but perfectly focussed energy, eloquent, pragmatic, curious and so good humoured - it was an honour and I hope we can stay in contact. I am so thankful to have attended the retreat. But I am even more thankful that you gave me such a safe space to do what I needed to do, I felt so held and empowered. But I also know that, it must have been quite tricky to navigate yourself, so I want you to know how grateful I am for you for that. The retreat for me was life changing, it was a wake up call to start living, authentically and with purpose. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Secondly, my fellow retreat women. Wow, what a weekend. Every single interaction I had with each of you was special, and I will always hold close in my heart. I love that we are already making plans to sea swim, forage and meet up again. It was amazing to watch you all come more alive as the weekend continued. You are all an inspiration, and I am very thankful for each and every one of you. Thank you.

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zoophagist · 1 year

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Oh! I am desperately waiting your review!

ooc;; alright, i held off since i saw it a day before it was wildly opened and didn't want to detail thoughts about the thing no one had really experienced yet. i'm hoping the renfield girlies are all unhinged enough to have gone opening night and now we'll be on the same page.

overall take - it was fine. just pretty middling. i had some laughs, and there were a few scenes i thought were really solid. it didn't do anything deep and it really didn't want to, and that's the vibe, fair enough. mostly i had a feeling of like... that's objectively renfield but is not recognizably renfield to me. i said this to a friend and i'm upset that the tumblr nonsense words are the best way to articulate it, but basically they made him a wet cat when they should have made him skrunkly. i'd say 6/10, didn't change my life, not my renfield, but a some silly fun!

more thoughts below cut, but i'm not doing a blow-by-blow, lads, simply too tired from real life. but if you or others have specific questions i'm happy to answer :) spoilers below!

went into the theater worried the pop psych angle all about 'narcissism' and everything would be overbearing (i'm begging people to relearn how to use any other, non-therapizing language to talk about mean or unpleasant people. like did we need the psych angle? did it enhance the story in a way saying 'dracula is just an asshole' wouldn't have done? mini rant over) but when i watched it i will say the second half of the movie (underrepresented in trailers) moved away from that and was more fun for it.

i saw a themed costume screening so the audience was obviously at a higher level of investment and more willing to have a good time. the movie seemed to go over really well with the group there

the love story wasn't as big a focus as i feared it would be, and that was very nice. rebecca as a character also did meaningfully play into renfield's character drive of wanting to stand up for himself. she just. well. i just didn't like her that much. the cop thing didn't help because it made moments i imagine were intended to be quirky fun for her read to me as "cop points gun at person in rage to cow them / cop has anger issues / cop disrespects or demeans others on the job." especially with her particular backstory and her tension with her fed sister, i think she'd have been a more fun character if she was just some lady, outside the system, trying to solve her problems. but anyway. yeah, not as huge a problem as it could be, but wasn't rooting for it

they needed to let nicholas hoult of the leash they kept him on this whole movie. he is capable of so much more unhinged energy and they really had him "i'm just a little guy"-ing his way through the whole thing. the 5 minutes where he got to beat dracula's face in and got a little too excited about it were the best for his character in the whole movie

what was the LORE? i love lore, and this movie was lore-light, playing vast and loose with vampires. vampire blood is a heal-all, so drinking it can't turn you into a vampire i guess? nor a familiar? in the course of the movie several people become familiars but we never see how it's done and i wish they let us play with and understand the magic there a little more! especially if you're just going to hand-wave away the bugs = power thing. i craved more lore. in general the writing was always like... there were just enough bits of development to get a job done but i kept wanting something deeper? maybe it's just the genre priorities since i'm not an action/horror fan.

i said it before and i'll say it again - teddy lobo was more renfield-ish than renfield was. i think his desperation to please, his manic energy, and his "i need you to know i'm dracula's favorite or i'll DIE" swag were very fun! everyone said nicolas cage would steal the show, but i honestly think ben schwartz as teddy was the show-stealer to me. if you like any other iteration of renfield's character, i really think teddy will be more interesting to you than the I Just Want To Be Normal edition of renfield this film is serving.

action and gore was fun sometimes. i'm not squeamish and none of it bothered me, but not being an action fan the fights weren't that much of a draw for me. just not my taste, but they looked pretty good!

there's one scene where dracula confronts renfield about betrayal, and honestly i thought that was the best performance both nicks gave in the whole movie. i thought it did a great job really driving home what this take on the drac/renfield relationship is like and how good dracula is at twisting renfield's will until it snaps. the one sour note about it was how it of course hinged on the whole 'narcissist' thing and like.... so, here's my hot take. the film and this scene spceifically would have been better if they didn't lead so heavy on all the group therapy jokes about narcissism. if you had just framed it as dracula's a selfish jerk who knows how to make things about him and let the writing/interaction tell the story (good ol' show, don't tell) this scene would have said EVERYTHING we need to know about this drac by being descriptive instead of prescriptive. (i hope that point makes sense. like i said, we're tired out here fellas, trying to make the brain do words right.) but as it stands, the scene is really good, sheds new light on their relationship, and makes renfield doubt his victimhood which is good for the plot.

renfield bought those clothes from a macy's and babyboy should not be allowed to shopping by himself is all i'm saying

renfield had a wife and daughter pre-31!dracula?? canon?? barbara hambly is somewhere out there feeling so valid for her book rn. for me it was just like... you really want us to think this man is straight, huh? but all you've done is make him a man who left his wife to be with a sexy male vampire so. the gays stay winning with renfield.

generally i was surprised by how mild and complex by reaction was to this. like with all the build up i really thought it was either going to suck or catch me off guard by being really good. but it really, truly, is just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ okay! i think i was harder on it than most general audiences would be though, and again i'll reiterate the audience at my showing was really having a good time with it! on the whole, i'd call it a fun, silly little vampire romp, and say it's for popcorn viewing but not for deep thinking.

that "last voyage of the demeter" trailer tho 👀👀👀 that looks sick as fuck.

#||x LET ME ENTREAT YOU OH LET ME IMPLORE YOU! [ answered asks ]#||x LONG AND AFAR OFF [ ooc ]#[ renfield 2023 blogging ]#wingdingsandbrokenstrings

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windandwater · 2 years

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for some reason I become outgoing when I travel idk. my dad’s the same way. I think it’s just nice to meet people you’re never going to see again. hear new stories. part ways. less pressure.

some interactions

American couple next to me in a cafe trying to figure out how to tip--you literally can’t in some restaurants here and I said something like “yep, being from the US makes you allergic to not tipping” and we chatted. it’s just. true though? you can know all day that they make a living wage, they can make it impossible to tip in their system and you’re like “but...I have to.”

we said something like this to the servers in Greece and explained why and they were so astonished by how fucked up America is. we’re like “WE KNOW. WE KNOW.”

kid in the restaurant had a “lockdown leavers 2021″ hoodie and I was at first like “uhhhh” so I googled it and it (I didn’t want to judge if it was something nice) and turns out it means he graduated in 2021! so I congratulated him and got the biggest smile. I’ve never congratulated someone for graduating and I always thought it must be weird to be told that but I feel like it’s justified in right now.

ate in the park and when I was done I sucked just a little bit on the lime that came with my fruit to get some of the bread taste out of my mouth (ineffective) (sour things are nothing to me, though I prefer lemon) and I looked up and a dude definitely watched me do it. I hope I was his unhinged person of the day. because that whole day was a series of absolutely bonkers humans for me.

in the aquarium I once again had the answers for everyone wondering what that fish was. I got really excited upon seeing a boxfish and thank GOD I had a joke ready for “it gets stressed and blows up like a pufferfish and releases poison” because it is apparently wild when you tell people they’re one of your favs and follow it up with that. (note: “if I got stressed and did that...” lands here.)

aquarium is near Big Ben/parliament which means I got to see it which means I crossed Tourist Bridge (real name? no) and there were people doing that cup & ball game where there are 3 cups and you have to find the ball??? I couldn’t believe that still happens and one guy walking past goes “they still do that in 2022??? what is this 1900??” me: RIGHT??? because. what.

guy near houses of parliament had a little stand proclaiming that you should resist wearing a face covering on public transit. I have only been wearing my mask indoors (I am one of 3 people in the city doing this) but I saw this and immediately put on my mask. he did not try to give me a leaflet.

some more observations

update on the walking situation: confirmed that there is no god here. I’ve also now seen the rules change (signs saying “keep left” or “keep right” in various walkway hallways) within stations. I’m trying not to let it make me crazy. it’s almost working.

(GUYS PICK A SIDE IT MAKES THINGS EASIER JESUS CHRIST) (I’m a New Yorker I know about foot traffic!!! please!!)

it's one thing to know logically that British authors based their stories off of things in their real lives and the fact that the whole country sounds and looks like a storybook is a function of that, not the fact that it's a fake place with fake place names. it's quite another to be casually minding your business and see a kid on his way to fucking Hogwarts.

(look, I know. I know. but bad people can write books that have a impact greater than themselves and no I'm not giving her any more money but it doesn't change the fact that her book taught me that love is the greatest force in the world and also to eat the rich and I won't apologize for that or pretend that otherwise just because she didn't understand her own fucking work or because the internet is incapable of anything but black and white thinking)

this is the only city I’ve ever been to that has a sense of humor about itself. some of the phrasing on signs is just...funny. American signs are never funny. once during the pandemic the park near my apartment did a series of joke signs all over it and we could not figure out whether it was a prank or real (it was real, I’m still shook about it)

several official examples but my favorite that made me stop dead in the zoo of protestors/tourists/cops was the big banner from the people protesting the Tory government that included the line “Metropolitan please STOP STEALING OUR BANNERS”

also hilarious: big group of protestors holding signs protesting Boris Johnson, I guess they’d been there a long time b/c they were kind of just casually chatting. British girl behind me says to her friend “imagine having time to stand around holding placards” ... the US would never

we take ourselves so god damn seriously and they just don’t. not even the people with the “SELF-SERVING LIARS ARE DESTROYING OUR NATION (PLEASE STOP STEALING OUR BANNERS)” banners. not the people walking past them. not fucking anyone.

when there were regular ISIS protests going on outside the jails in NY I was like “right on, comrade” I would’ve glared daggers at and anyone deriding them. they weren’t chatting casually and no one walking past was roasting them. and the Johnson shit is just as serious!! this country is out of its mind!!! or maybe we are!!

I know the issues with the cops here but. I got stuck behind a couple and you know every time that happens in the US I automatically look for their guns? and my whole body is tense the entire time they’re in my vicinity. it is. a feeling to do that and see only handcuffs and a baton. and I know, I truly know, the damage they’ve still done, and my skin was crawling when a lady asked them for a picture, but my god.

public gardens originally for royalty now open to the public are always going to set my teeth on edge. they’re beautiful. the ones that used to be people’s private grounds for their own private bullshit are. listen. eat the fucking rich.

in Central London the trains come every 2 minutes?!??!?!?!

if you run to catch the train in NY I am right behind you limping like a motherfucker on my swollen ass ankle. I’m never running to catch shit here.

#adventures in text posts #england 2022 #you do not get a cut on this post #I can't figure out where to put it also deal with my bullshit

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what-if-nct · 2 years

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i’m so childish-

anywho… i love butt fucking season. idk but one of my weird coping mechanisms is literally you know when your butt just starts hurting for some reason. and it’s not like a stinging sensation, it’s more like something has just went inside you.

i don’t know what it is but lately i had been thinking that it is jonghyun fucking me in the ass because i’m weird like that. but fr it gets worse when you realise that it only ever happens when i’m bending down-

whilst everyone has a normal coping mechanism, why am i so weird? but to be fair, the weirder it is, the more it helps me mentally. also when i choke on air, i like to think that it’s his coc-

i don’t know why am i so weird… but whatever init? it’s helping me and if anyone wants to put me down because i don’t cope like how “normal people” do then i don’t care really. they’ve obviously never had to go through this and so i’d just ignore them.

but then again, i could get sad when i’m in a bad place. and so, i would point his moon beam to my ass and communicate with him in my mind. i like to imagine that he would come down gracefully and then fuck me until i can’t walk anymore.

i sound so crazy rn- maybe that’s why onew acts weird in my dreams. he might of well be me in my mind. well- if you take off the “non-con” and “shane dawson wannabe” parts then that’s literally me. i would love to run around naked and i would love to feel my naked body on my chest and butt. i feel closer to nature and what is as beautiful as that? it’s the one and only kim jonghyun. nature is so free and comforting, just like him. i would love to feel him on my body 24/7. imagine feeling a scent of wind fingering your naughty parts? can’t think why wouldn’t you like it? (at the moment, i’m feeling a wind on my ass so- 🙈)

i think i (anal)ysed naked onew! he’s a reflection on me… of how i wanted to live my life. all carefree and innocent looking, drugs could also be linked to an addiction in which it allows him to live the way he wants to, but the side effect could be the constant non-con he would do. this makes sense because i struggled with my weed addiction since i was about 13-14 and then started again at 15-17. i stopped because i went to japan and then started shortly after i came back. i am now self aware that i needed to get help, which is why i had been clean since june this year. in my newer stories, i had noticed that onew was starting to become self aware more often than usual which was why in the post that didn’t see the light of day due to obvious reasons, you could see that there were precautions he did to himself to prevent people from getting hurt which was why after he non-coned the first girl he was seen the next day in a bubble showing that he took the courage to go back to the hospital, told them that it didn’t work and went for the other option they had. however, i’m not sure that happened since i didn’t see him after that nor he gave a hint about it. it could also be that he was forced to go by anyone living with him but since he did have his moments and even once told me to hold him whilst a chicken was walking past, i want to think the latter. he seems like he knows what’s going on and when he does, he tends to be a bit emotional and stressed out. i hope he does change one day, that’s all i could ever say.

As long as a coping mechanism is safe and not harmful then it doesn't matter how weird it is. And yours is not weird at all. And interesting you concluded Onew represents apart of yourself. Like seeing an unhinged Onew who has no control over his insatiable desires kinda represents how you view your relationship with your vices. And him enforcing his own restraints just mimic you growing more in control over your own situation. Dreams are a vehicle for the subconscious to work through everything going on in your waking life. Like my friend noticed a theme in my dream where I just let things happen and it does showcase how I play a passive role in my sex life where I just check out sometimes and let things happen. And addictions are really hard to overcome but you can overcome it and anyway to help you work through, soothe and replace with healthier alternatives are just fine. Just remember to be kind to yourself.

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purplesurveys · 7 months

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1743

1. What is something in your life that you feel hopeful about right now? Hans gave me a helpful pep talk last night about things I can do to keep my passions up. I've talked a lot in these surveys about the professional rut I've been finding myself in, and he knows about it too, and he sat me down for advice on how to not lose myself. I'm very grateful for the talk and it actually sparked a bit of excitement in me. Now to actually put that motivation into action...

2. What was the last thing you worried about that turned out better than expected? It rained SO hard earlier and I always get super super anxious when I have to drive in the evening and it's raining, because then my side mirrors become completely useless with all the raindrops and I basically can't see anything for the most part. Anyway, I had no choice but to drive as slow as possible just to be safe. I'd rather piss off unhinged drivers with my 10 kph speed than carelessly change lanes or speed knowing full well I can't see shit.

3. Name somewhere you are planning on visiting in the near future? My family has been heads-or-tailing Japan or South Korea for a while now, but my siblings and I have been saying that we would much rather go to SK since it just makes perfect sense – all 3 of us are into Korean culture, food, music, etc. We're currently saving up for it but as far as I know we have plans as soon as mid-2024.

4. How often do you go grocery shopping and how much food do you usually get in one go? Bi-weekly. Our bill usually shoots up to around 7-9k per visit.

5. What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? Meh I don't really repeat a specific meal a lot.

6. When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? No idea. I feel like I have been very honest around everyone these days, especially with regard to my latest promotion. I've been rather vocal, even towards my own bosses, that I'm against it and that I'm only accepting it to keep the entire team from sinking for now, but that I have very strong plans to leave the first opportunity I get, or the moment I feel like this directorial gig is really not for me.

7. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? I thought I wanted to stay a few hours in this nearby coffee shop, but when I was there their tables were so fucking high it strained my arms to use my laptop and phone that I ended up staying for like only 45 minutes before I decided I'd have a much better time in my car lol.

8. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? I saw Angela and Hans yesterday. We had dinner at our favorite Korean restaurant, caught up with our lives, talked a lot about tattoos for some reason hahaha, let out our respective work frustrations (although a good 85% of it was mine), and Hans gave me another crash course about watches which I always enjoy because I love seeing how excited he gets talking about those tiny machines.

9. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else's dreams? It's always random people, man. There's not one person or a set of people who make constant appearances in my dreams.

10. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? I would tell my grandfather about all my accomplishments so far. I'd also brag about how well I can handle my alcohol because he couldn't, haha.

11. Instead of flat earth, what do you think of the simulated earth theory, that we're basically all just a giant computer program or virtual reality? I never really entertain any theories of this nature. I'm just here to live the limited days I have on this planet and I'd rather not invest so much time and brain juices on conspiracies lol.

12. What worries you most about your future? Mostly career-related things. Like, if I've reached this peak at 25, where do I go from here. Ugh.

13. What is something you do to feel better when you're scared? Find a distraction, which is usually a) my dogs, b) rewatching familiar vlogs for the 908th time, or c) surveys.

14. Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? Probably my mom or my sister, for the first question. I don't have anyone in mind for the second.

15. What makes you trust someone? When was the last time someone broke your trust? Idk, I don't really set criteria for this. I just...can tell if I can trust someone, but I can also easily take that trust away if they show otherwise. Last time someone broke my trust - last week when the event organizers that we have been consistently contracting since last year had a disappointing performance.

16. When was the last time you shared a secret with someone, and how did they react? Couple of weeks ago - I was met with shock, which is what I expected anyway.

17. Are you more likely to give advice or to ask for it? It depends on the person, tbh. I have relationships where I'm likely to be the one to seek advice, but it happens the other way around with other people.

18. When was the last time you felt totally lost, figuratively speaking? How about literally? Right now you can say that I am, for the figurative part.

As for literally, that would be two weeks ago when my co-workers and I were supposed to be headed to Nasugbu from Las Piñas (where we needed to pick up a member of the team) but some direction miscomms led me to make a few wrong turns – we ended up in the northbound part of SLEX, then I drove up Skyway, making us end up at the fucking airport, then we ended up back at McKinley near BGC. It was such a stupid experience, I feel like we lost a part of our souls that day LOL

19. In what ways are you emotionally strong? In what ways are you emotionally weak? Emotionally strong: I'm not afraid to be honest about my feelings, especially if they're negative ones; I feel like the years living in fear around my mom changed me as an adult. I'd also call myself resilient – my all-things-will-pass game is pretty strong and it's one of the things about my mindset that keep me sane.

Emotionally weak: I'm sensitive and quickly take things personally.

20. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? I was gifted a copy of Sing A Song of Tuna Fish in my early teens. I liked the book, but to this day I would say it's one of my more random reads and I still don't have a clue what the title is supposed to mean.

21. Do you prefer to watch movies or tv alone or with other people? Is there anything you refuse to watch alone? I like watching with other people largely because I can have terrible comprehension and would need someone to explain parts that I might not catch on to as quickly.

22. What was the last thing you broke? How about fixed? Can't remember the last times I did either of these.

23. Is there a sign or symbol that means a lot to you for whatever reason (eg. seeing certain animals or birds, 11:11 or other repeating numbers, syncs, butterflies, hearts in nature, etc)? The number 2025 and 613.

24. Do you have any personal ghost stories or paranormal experiences? No.

25. What do you get complimented on the most? My writing.

26. What is something unusual that you find attractive? Idk if there's anything...

27. What time do you tend to eat your first meal of the day? And your last? I eat my first and last meal at like 7 PM.

28. What was the subject of the last video you watched? It's the newest episode of Smosh's running podcast/video series reacting to their older videos.

29. When was the last time you traveled out of town, and where to? Around two weeks ago, to Nasugbu.

30. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? Literally Namjoon's house is my aesthetic, minus all the books cos I stopped reading a long time ago.

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fwacchi · 1 year

Note

HI EVE I LOVE THE THEME CHANGE SO MUCH 💙💙

My heart is still not over Axia but HAHA HEY NEW EN WAVE AMIRITE

XSOLEIL is so cute but kinda wish Hex didnt strain his voice 🥹 He's doing what Fulgur used to do, straining a deep voice. You can hear it pretty obviously in his teaser line & in his singing, the difference plus the strain.

I really hope he let's up on that after debut and gives his voice some good TLC 😭

In other news, when I see XSOLEIL, all I see is Hypmic (design) and Paradox Live (vibes/aesthetics)

Hex = Rosho

Doppio = Doppo

Meloco = Otome

LOL but their MV dropped + song is out on spotify. A whole bop. I was surprised they didn't incorporate any japanese considering the only other song that was full English was DCL

AND AND AND ALSO KAGAMI SHACHO BEING THE PROUDEST OLDER BROTHER MOMENT?! ON THE DAY OF XSOLEIL TEASER, HE MADE SUCH A CUTE TWEET!!

(I can't attach pictures but I can ctrl c ctrl v his tweet and do a rough translation of the tweet. My nihongo is yabai desu HAHAHA)

"皆さま、こんばんは🏢🌙

弟が出来た気配がして嬉しい加賀美です(デビューおめでとうございます！)😌

本日は、恐れ入りますが配信をお休みさせて頂きます！

明日夜は配信予定ですのでよろしくお願い致します！！"

"Good evening everyone

I, Kagami Hayato, am happy to have a little brother (Congratulations on your debut)

I apologise for the inconvenience but there won't be a stream today. Stream will be resumed tomorrow so I hope you look forward to it!"

HIS TWEET IS SO CUTE IM CRYING SJXNXNS

Ah in other news, I hope the other anon (was it dango anon?) dont mind me replying but I think a new wave actually makes it harder to choose a favourite?

Because you won't have much to base off on. And because EN is unhinged HAHAHAHA

In my own opinion at the very least, it's actually easier to pick someone randomly. What I did, was to choose a game/stream I liked (for e.g, how I knew Axia was because Pokemon, Vox because Fnaf. Things like that)

You can browse to see if they have something you like, watch a vod or two from there and then slowly branch out! Because at least for Wave 1 - 6 now, they have had a variety of content to choose to start from so it's much easier to pick out a 'favourite'. You don't even have to just choose one because god knows how chaotic EN is HAHAHA

Of course, this is only my opinion so feel free to take that with a grain of salt!

Okay it is 1am as of now I should really go sleep because I have work in a few hours HAHAHA IM SORRY IT'S ANOTHER LONG ONE TODAY EVE

DONT FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! DRINK LOTS OF WATER, EAT REGULARLY AND TAKE BREAKS WHEN NEEDED LOVE YOU TAKE CARE

- 🌸

(kinda unrelated to what i've been rambling but thinking about Axia and how he failed 5 times before joining Niji makes me more motivated to try joining. (I've applied like 3 times and failed but I'm not discouraged!!) It's a dream I'm willing to chase! I swear in the future if

Or i guess I should say when because i'm gonna make it happen, but when i get in, I hope you know I'm still going to be stalking your blog Eve because I am a fangirl and will still simp. Also because anonymity got me so I can simp in peace 🥲)

THANK YOUUU🫶🏼

i was taken aback by Hex's voice too pslsjckslc

AND KAGAMI PLSHQIXOD HE'S SO PRECIOUS I'M GLAD HE'S GOT A BROTHER NOW 🥹

omg am i talking to a future vtuber? now I'm nervous HAHAHA if u ever become a vtuber pls don't expose my blogs to the other vtubers 👩🏽‍🦯

#asks for fwacchi #— from 🌸 anon

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mohluskiepedard · 4 years

Text

Rating ATLA Characters literally only from what I’ve seen in fandom

or: posts that probably shouldn’t be on my writeblr except I don’t have a sideblog

the context here is it’s half midnight and I have never seen ATLA except I have opinions now apparently so here we go whoop de do-

I’m also not actually rating them like numerically that’s too much work i’m just stating opinions I know I’m a fraud

AANG

- A child? - A son? - he is Baby. but also. he has had It Rough - would make the updog joke - has unspeakable power or smth and everyone says he’s better than the Korra girl who comes after him but honestly tastes like sexism to me - doesn’t kill people because he’s like twelve, right? he’s like twelve so he refuses to kill people - I stan honestly - less twelve year olds should kill people - Some people say his name WRONG and they are BAD but i don’t actually know what the right way or the wrong way is so. have fun w that yall - lived in peace unTIL THE FIRE NATION ATTACKED

KATARA

- She is also like twelve??? - Is everyone here twelve - Cortana?? Katana?? Catbug?? - She has good hair, - Her mother is dead??? her mother is dead n she has a brother but she cares about her mother being dead WAY more than him (or apparently the entire fandom??) - Badass - She seems soft. good. sweet - she’s a water breather or whatever??? her brother is NOT but he is a meme - I love her

SOKKA

- NGL looks like a fuckboy - The meme brother! does not do the water things, but he has an aXe??? - dates BAMF lady - ngl until I talked to my ATLA watching friend I thought he canonically dated Zuko - kinda mad he doesn’t - I haven’t actually seen anything about him except like. in zuko ship posts and also Suki appreciation posts - joined the white lotus not-a-cult by accident??? - dark ATLA tumblr show me more Sokka posts - is his name prounounced the same way as Soccer or isn’t it I need to know - HIS FIRST GIRLFRIEND TURNED INTO THE MOON - (AND THAT’S ROUGH, BUDDY) - He and Suki are a good ship, but also, Sokka Has Two Hands

SUKI

- the BAMF herself - she says STOP in that photo but also to sexism - Rlly all I see of her in fanon is abt her teaching Sokka to drink his respect women juice and I appreciate her doing that but also it’s sad she never gets talked about outside of what she did for a man - I hope she has other badass moments w/o him it would suck if she didn’t - she is NOT the girlfriend who turned into the moon, she is the one who didn’t - I don’t know much else about her ATLA Fandom y’all should appreciate her more

ZUKO

- Look at him... my son... - He has a good redemption arc - he and his sister are evil lesbian and redeemed gay guy??? - has a straight canon ship but should’ve been with Sokka this boy is gay - I Want To Protect Him - That’s literally it - he has a cool uncle and his dad sucks - people ship him with Katara and I Do Not Get It that’s his sister in law except not really - “We don’t trust Zuko’s change of heart” [the next day] “so Zuko is my closest friend now,” - His dad was like “fuck up the avatar to prove your worth to me” and Aang was like “counter argument you already have worth and we should fuck up your dad” and I think that’s beautiful - he becomes the fire man and he’s very good at it - Zuko for President 2020 - in the words of myself, half an hour ago: “ I was like "that kid with the burn on his face seems like a sad but then happy mlm who needs found family" and I was RIGHT” - took too long to find a happy picture of him :( Zuko rights NOW please - His mother’s story got compared to an OC of mine and all I can say is oh no and they deserve better based on that alone - I have had Zuko for five minutes but if anything else happens to him I will kill everyone in this throne room and then myself

TOPH

- She is badass but like also will murder you while laughing maniacally? - for some reason reminds me of Nott from Critical Role, another show I Have Not Seen - Is blind but gets more out of making jokes abt being blind than she would from being able to see - “Sight is just a cheap tactic to make weak benders stronger!!!” - Literally the opposite of Aang and has killed many people?? - She Can Tell When You’re Lying. But I do not know how and Am simply mildly threatened by this - Therapist: Toph’s ability to know if you’re lying isn’t real and can’t hurt you. Toph’s ability to know if I’m lying: - She and Zuko.... buddies??? - if not they should be - tiny sad boy needs friends like toph

AZULA

- Evil Lesbian Culture - [BDG Voice] You committed a war crime! Oopsie! - took be gay do crime too literally - her and Zuko have accurate sibling writin except instead of “you ever want to murder your sibling for breathing in the same space as you,” being a Joke Azula took it seriously - okay but with a name like azula she should be the blue bender this ANNOYS me she should NOT be red bender - AZULa - AZUL - IT MEANS BLUE - She was half of y’alls gay awakenings and it SHOWS - Should have maybe been redeemed too??? Jury is out no one knows - Was she gay for Ty Lee or wasn’t she I can’t tell how much of that Audio is a joke - IS SHE ALSO TWELVE??? IS EVERYONE HERE TWELVE?? IS THIS TWELVE YEAR OLD COMITTING ATROCITIES?

UNCLE IROH

- A Good Man - Finally, Some Good Fucking [Adult Figures] - he has the tea. literally and figuratively - Ozai is like “and I will permanently disfigure my son and throw him out” and Iroh is like “What The Fuck, Ozai,” thus voicing the entire audience’s thoughts - Literally the only adult in this that I trust - I? I love him. this is all I have to say. my love for him is unending. Some1 protect this man from all harm - he’s Zuko’s uncle (and also Azula ig) but he does not seem related to Ozai. is it just a theme in this family that one sibling is chill and one sibling commits horrendous atrocities against your fellow human beings or - something happened to his son???? :((((( I Don’t Want Him To Have Suffered Like This

OZAI

- A BAD MAN - Uh Oh (stinky) - THE WORST OF THE MEN - I do not like him - Bastard man. nasty. committed war crimes and then went “but what if - get this - i also abused my son,” - I would like him to Not Be Like This - by Like This I mean present and alive - :/

TY LEE

- She’s NOT the There Is No War In Ba Sing Se lady and I don’t know why i thought she WAS but until I looked up her photo I thought that was her - She looks like a sweetheart tho - I hope nothing bad happens to her???? - talks about auras??? or smth??? let her vibe - She would talk animatedly to me about warrior cats if she was in my year seven class and I was sat alone and I would understand none of it but appreciate her anyway - if azula bullies her I’ll be :( at Azula and Azula will not care because she has Mommy Issues and therefore is slightly unhinged - She seems like that one kid with no trauma vibing at the edge of [every other kid having trauma] and not really getting it but trying her best - Is she also twelve?????? She maybe looks twelve

CABBAGE MAN

- HIS CABBAGES - fulfills my favourite trope: ordinary person repeatedly has life disrupted by the inconveniences of relying on actual children to save the world - probably has a campaign post canon for letting trained adults fix the worlds’ problems in the future - or sets up the Very First Cabbage Insurance Company - look at him. he loves his cabbages so much. you go you funky lil cabbage man

ALSO THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES MOMO

- LOOK AT HIM HE’S SO GOOD - small. fluffy. big ears - Lord Momo of the Momo Dynasty: his Momoness - a Good Boy...

APPA

- he looks so soft... - he can fly but he just does it by??? vibing through the air?? motionless??? iconic - I saw that one post about mishearing it as Abba and thinking he was Aang’s dad and he looks like he would be a good stand in dad ngl - he’s so LORGE - a chonky boy - love him

that is everyone I have heard of it and if I left someone out it’s a sign that y’all should talk about em more bc I have no clue they exist put more ATLA On my Dash ig I’ll do Legend of Korra ig maybe apparently that one has canon wlw and i love me some canon wlw

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cinnaminsvga · 3 years

Text

Undercover (M)

→ summary: the company banquets that your family loves to host are often drearier than you would like them to be. lucky for you, your bodyguards have the perfect solution: why don’t you play a little game with them?

the only rule? you must keep quiet at all costs.

→ pairing: vamp!jungkook x reader x siren!seokjin → genre: bodyguard!au, supernatural, smut → warnings: dom!jin, switch!kook, sub!reader, remote vibrator, rough public sex, fingering, orgasm denial, multiple orgasms, blood-drinking, hypnotization, jin is kinda sadistic, basically pwp ;_; → words: 5.4K → a/n: this is for the holiday fic exchange that was held on @btsghostiewritersnet!! my fic is dedicated to ms @jincherie (aka the loml and also the recipient of 1/3 of the fics i’ve written this year??) who requested this prompt. i’m not really good with poly or smut fics, but i tried my best??? it ended up being a lil more jk centric than i anticipated but HHHH IDK I JUST HOPE YOU LIKE THIS EVEN A TEENY BIT ;o; anyway... happy holidays everyone!!

You can feel their eyes on you.

Except that isn’t much of a revelation—they are always watchful of you, after all. Your father pays a hefty enough salary that they would risk their lives to keep you safe, so it isn’t much of a surprise to know that they are lurking at the sides, keeping distant and close all at once.

This time, however, is different. You know for a fact that it is different. There is a subtle shift in the air, something tangible enough that you can almost touch it, taste it. You know that if you glance back at them, you will find two pairs of eyes, watching and waiting for… something.

That fact alone is enough to keep the goosebumps on your arms from subsiding. You feel like a canister just waiting to burst, a small disturbance enough to get you to erupt into flames and burn every last inch of propriety left in your being. Tonight, they are here to ruin you.

“Why are you acting so damn fidgety? Stand still,” your brother huffs after a while, pinching you lightly in the side. It breaks you from your reverie, causing you to jolt away with wide eyes.

“W-what?” you ask breathlessly. You wipe your clammy hands across your expensive dress, leaving wrinkles in their wake. “Sorry. I just… had a lot of coffee before coming here, is all. I needed the wake-me-up.”

He watches you for a moment, raising an eyebrow at your odd behavior. You can tell that he’s suspicious, but he inevitably shrugs it off, too unbothered to care. Like you, it takes a whole deal to get Yoongi excited about anything, and having a jumpy sister is far from reaching his quota. “Whatever. Just don’t cause a scene, alright? These events might be boring as hell, but dad has a bunch of important people here tonight, so you better get your shit together.”

You snort. “Right. Like when does he not invite important people to these parties?”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean. Just behave, alright? I’m not covering for you if you piss someone off.”

“Wouldn’t have dreamed of asking,” you mutter. Little does he know, you are already planning on behaving tonight, anyway. That is the name of the game, after all.

On a makeshift stage at the head of the ballroom, your father has just finished giving his opening remarks, thanking all his esteemed guests for making it to tonight’s banquet. Polite applause follows soon after, the clamor loud enough to mask the way you inhale sharply in surprise. Your back straightens imperceptibly, your body going rigid as if you had been struck by lightning. To your left, your brother is none the wiser to your panic, his attention glued to his phone.

When the clapping breaks, you nearly speak your prayers aloud when the ambush on your senses suddenly stops as well. You take one, two calming breaths, your core throbbing needily as you await the second wave to hit. Disappointed when nothing comes, you smooth your dress down, fighting the urge to look around to see if anyone was watching.

Legs slightly weaker and breath a little shakier, you walk among the throngs of people as they make their way to their seats, getting ready for dinner to be served. Instead of heading to where your family’s table would be located, you change direction halfway and walk towards the back. Yoongi does not comment, just nodding back at you and going the other way as well. This is normal etiquette for both of you, anyway—your father has always expected the two of you to wander during these parties, greeting guests and socializing with them as proper hosts should.

Except that isn’t on your agenda for tonight. Right now, you have a game to play, and you don’t intend on losing your focus to anything else.

It does not take you long to find who you are looking for. Just like he promised, Jungkook is standing close to the east entrance, standing stock still against the wall in his designer black suit. When he notices you approach, his stern demeanor softens, a small smile gracing his Adonis-like features. It is nothing more than a quirk of his lips, but it is enough for a flash of something sharp to catch your eye. It disappears before you can even blink, but you know that what you had seen is far from a figment of your imagination.

To an outsider, Jungkook looks as intimidating as any regular bodyguard should be: tall and muscular, coupled with a dangerous gaze that could pierce diamond. He certainly works like one too, as your father would have never hired him if he wasn’t 100% sure that Jungkook was up to his lofty standards.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there is something else that sets Jungkook apart if you just looked close enough. Even from a few feet apart, you can see the redness lining his irises, the deathly pallor of his skin, the sallowness of his cheeks. As you get closer, you notice other things too, like how his hands tremble against his sides and how his breathing has gotten shallow.

Everything about him screams vampire—a starving one, at that.

“How long has it been now?” you murmur, gently nudging your shoulder against his. You keep close to him, feeling yourself relax at the mere scent of him. Jungkook always somehow manages to smell good; you suppose that’s a given since you don’t think he’s even capable of sweating.

“Since the party started?” he asks.

“No, silly. How long has it been since you last fed?”

“Three days, seventeen hours, and twenty-one minutes, ma’am. But who’s counting?” he wheezes, offering you a strained smile. “Is it that obvious?”

“Not really, but I know you,” you reply. A little too well, in fact. “Seokjin hasn’t even allowed you a snack? Even once?”

Jungkook coughs out a laugh, amused. “You and I both know that hyung wouldn’t be that merciful. He did say that if I behave today, then maybe…” he trails off. You don’t miss the way he stares longingly at you, thinly veiled desire rolling off him in waves.

You feel the blood rushing up to your face, turning away from him in embarrassment. You have to remind yourself not to rub your neck, lest the make-up covering your fading scar give away your dirty little secret. “I’m sorry, by the way. I kind of did this to both of us, huh?”

Jungkook chuckles, snaking an arm around your waist. You shoot him a warning glare, but you both know he only dares to get comfortable with you when he’s sure no one is watching. Besides, it’s always been hard for you to get mad at the boy, not when he has always been so sweet with you.

“No, it’s fine. We all agreed to this when you proposed it. Besides, neither hyung nor I are going to risk our health when your safety is on the line. It’s not that bad, I promise.”

“If you’re sure,” you say, glancing at him doubtfully. You have never seen Jungkook quite so… unhinged before, as if he’s just a step away from teetering off the edge. It scares you just as much as it arouses you, but you make sure to keep that to yourself. “I honestly didn’t think Seokjin would be this ruthless.”

Jungkook snorts. “I’ve known him for a long time, Y/N. Trust me when I say that he is definitely going easy on us, especially you.”

“If this is easy, I’m afraid to know how he’s like when he goes all out then,” you say, but the thought of Seokjin becoming even more merciless than usual sends an excited shiver down your spine.

“How about you?” Jungkook asks. “Are you doing okay with the, um, you know?” He flushes, still shy to even say it aloud even after all the things the two of you have done together.

You giggle, unable to resist the urge to tease him. “You tell me, Koo. You can smell me, can’t you?” You lean closer, looking at him through your lashes. “You could probably smell from across the ballroom, especially with how hungry you are… My poor baby,” you coo. You have your chest pressed against his, your low neckline leaving nothing to the imagination. And yet, his gaze is fixed elsewhere, red eyes following the way your tongue darts out to lick your lips.

It’s a rhetorical question; you know he can smell you. The remote vibrator in your underwear has been on the lowest setting ever since the night started. The vibrations are persistent enough to keep you constantly aroused, but it’s never enough to give you what you really want.

And just when you think you’ve gotten used to the sensation, Seokjin will spike it up occasionally, causing your composure to crack ever so slightly. You’re pretty sure he hasn’t turned it on to the highest setting yet, but judging from how the dampness of your underwear has seeped past your thighs, you aren’t sure if you’d be able to keep your cool if he did.

“Do I smell good, Koo? I know you said my blood tastes sweetest when I’m like this, right?” you whisper, trailing a finger down his chest. He does not reply, his nostrils flaring as he struggles to control his breathing. He has a dangerous edge in his expression, a simmering darkness just begging to be released. It’s the kind of lust that sweet and lovely Jungkook hardly ever has the capability of showcasing, except during moments like these, when he is at his hungriest and most desperate.

“I’m not going to lose the game this early on,” he says, voice quiet. There is danger in still waters, you recall your mother telling you when you were younger, and you find that there is truth behind her words after all. Jungkook may sound calm, but the edge in his tone is laced with meaning.

“No fun,” you laugh.

As if on cue, your own dose of karma hits you when Seokjin decides to turn the vibrator up to its maximum setting. “Shit,” you gasp, barely holding back your moans. You nearly double over, mostly from shock, not expecting the intensity of the vibrations. You feel your legs turn to jelly, your body heating up and breaking out into a sweat. You have to lean against Jungkook for support, your grip on his biceps so tight that you’re afraid that you might have torn through the fabric. If he had been human, you might have worried that you were hurting him.

Jungkook stumbles slightly against your weight, surprising the both of you as he’s normally as sturdy as a brick wall. Your worry for Jungkook supersedes the lust addling your brain long enough to wonder if his blood fast is starting to affect him.

“S-sorry, Koo. Are you okay? Are you getting dizzy from hunger?” you ask, your words stilted and breathy as you try to ignore the pleasure coursing through your veins. “We can go somewhere and—fuckfuckfuck—”

You are unable to finish your sentence, having to muffle your moans by biting into his shoulder. You’re shaking and panting, the relentless assault on your clit causing a fresh wave of arousal to drip down your cunt and ruin your panties even further. The coil inside of you is close to snapping, your long-awaited climax just inches away. You have half a mind to reach under your dress and chase after your high, but the sensible part of you reminds you that you are still at a public event—your father’s public event, to be exact. So instead, you wrap your arms around Jungkook to restrain yourself, looking to all the world as if you were just two lovers in an embrace.

Just as you’re about to finish, the vibrator shuts off completely, snatching away any hopes of you coming. You want to scream in frustration, a few tears threatening to fall as you squeeze your eyes tightly. Eventually, you release your death grip on Jungkook, keeping your head bowed to hide the way you’re still short for breath. When you feel less hazy, you take a shaky step away from him while muttering apologies to Jungkook.

“S-sorry about that. So much for Seokjin going easy on me, huh? I really didn’t expect him to pull a fast one on me like that—”

When Jungkook doesn’t respond, you turn back to face him. “O-oh,” you whisper lamely, your blood heating up when your gaze meets his. “Jungkook?” you call out, though you don’t think he’ll be up for much conversation right now.

You have never quite seen him like this before. His eyes have started glowing red, so much so that there’s barely a sliver of white remaining. His fangs have extended far past what should have been humanly possible, its sharp tips puncturing his bottom lip. He doesn’t even appear to be moving, not even showing any signs that he might have been breathing at all.

“Jungkook,” you repeat. You tug on his sleeve hesitantly, but he stands as still as a statue. “Jungkook, get a hold of yourself!” It takes you a few moments of coaxing and shaking before some semblance of lucidity returns to him.

He blinks a few times, but his incisors have yet to retract. “Sorry,” he grunts, bringing a hand up to his face. He rubs at his eyes, and when he reopens them, they’ve stopped glowing. His irises are still a deep shade of red. “Sorry, I didn’t think I’d lose myself there. That’s never happened before.”

“You were kinda scary there for a second,” you laugh nervously. “Almost like you were going to eat me alive.”

“I honestly might have,” Jungkook admits. “If Seokjin hadn’t stopped you from coming right then, I might have just fed from you right in the open.”

You shiver. You kind of hate yourself for liking the sound of that, even if it was hypothetical. Your bodyguards wouldn’t risk your reputation like that. For a moment, it almost could have been real though, your mind unhelpfully supplies.

“You would’ve lost the game then,” you say instead.

Jungkook chuckles weakly, shaking his head. “You, Seokjin, and I already knew from the start that if anyone was going to lose, it was always going to be me.”

“Conceding defeat, then?” you ask. You press your thighs together in anticipation, catching the way he watches your movements like a predator awaiting its prey. “Is anyone watching us?”

With your back facing the party, you would never have known if anyone was close enough to hear your strangled moans back then. Ever the attentive bodyguard despite hunger and lust clouding his mind, Jungkook had still made sure that the two of you were far away enough from prying eyes. Well, with the exception of one.

“He was watching us,” Jungkook mumbles. You don’t turn to look when he points somewhere behind you. “He’s by the northwest entrance. He was watching us the whole time, but now he’s talking to your brother’s bodyguard.”

“How much do you wanna bet he won’t notice us sneaking out?” you ask, giggling when Jungkook gives you an incredulous look. “What? Didn’t you once say you could sneak me out of anywhere without my father knowing?”

“Your father and Kim Seokjin are two different people in two different leagues,” he points out. He glances at Seokjin once more, rubbing his neck nervously. “Oh, he’s definitely going to figure out what we’re doing the moment we get out of here.”

You shrug, already tugging him by the hand towards the restroom outside the ballroom. You wink at him, your giggles full of mischief. “Then it’s settled. We lose this game, and then we start another one.”

“Another one?” Jungkook echoes, following you like a dutiful pet. When you exit the ballroom, you find the reception area empty save for a few other security guards loitering by the elevators, surreptitiously on their phones. You easily make it past them and head to where the restrooms are, setting your sights on the polished wooden doors.

You push Jungkook inside the women’s restroom, locking the door once you both are settled inside. Turning to face him with an eager grin, you almost let out a laugh at the overenthusiastic gleam in his eyes. “New game plan. I call this one the ‘let’s see if we can get off before Seokjin catches us’ game.”

“Sounds thrilling,” Jungkook chuckles, but he’s already opening his arms when you walk over to him. You accept his embrace, pressing him against the marble sinks and slotting your lips together.

The kiss is fiery, all teeth and no finesse. He has one hand grabbing fistfuls of your ass and the other cupping your jaw as he holds you in place. Your own hands almost seem like they don’t know what to do, scrambling up and down his sides before finally locking around his neck as your mind goes blank.

Jungkook’s incisors cut your lips accidentally, causing droplets of blood to trickle down. They don’t even make it past your chin before Jungkook’s voracious tongue is already lapping it up, his groans echoing in the vastly large room.

You barely register the pain before Jungkook is offering another distraction in the form of his lips trailing down to your jaw until he reaches your neck, his breath leaving goosebumps across your skin. “Y/N,” he rasps, his fangs dizzyingly close.

Before he can choose to do anything, you trail a finger to his chin, forcing him to look at you. His eyes appear glazed over, almost as if he isn’t even fully cognizant of his surroundings. But when he catches sight of the way a fresh droplet of blood is already beginning to take form on your lips, his gaze hardens immediately.

You smirk, giggling when he groans at you licking up your bloodied lip. “No marks on my neck, baby. You’re gonna have to drink from down there.”

In any other scenario, you might have been concerned at how quickly he drops to his knees. He doesn’t look too bothered, however, as he bunches up your dress to your chest and tears your pathetic excuse for underwear into shreds. The small purple vibrator falls to the ground along with it, neither of you worried about where it is rolling away.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he groans, burying his nose into your cunt. You yelp loudly, sensitive after hours of edging. You unconsciously try to trap him with your thighs, but he holds them apart with an iron grip. From your vantage point, you can only see his eyelashes grazing your stomach as he licks two long stripes across your slit, nearly causing you to fall over had he not been holding you.

“Shit.” He leans back to look at you properly, his mouth shiny with your slick. “Can I? Can I please?”

You don’t even know what exactly it is that he’s asking, but you’re already nodding anyway, eager for him to do something, anything. “Yes, yes, yes. C’mon, Koo. Give it to me,” you whine. Your voice sounds hoarse to your ears, desperate and delirious.

Not one to disobey, Jungkook does exactly that. One moment he is on the floor and the next he is lifting you with ease, placing you on the marble counter and standing between your legs to keep them spread. He returns to kneeling and hooks your legs onto his shoulders. He caresses your thighs with a gentleness that seems out of place, craning his neck sideways so he can plant a chaste kiss on your inner thigh.

You whimper impatiently, nudging him with your knee. “Jungkook, this is sweet and all, but my pussy has been aching to be stuffed for hours now so I’d really appreciate it if we can just get on with the pro-o-g-gram—” you stammer, your verbal skills forgotten the moment his thumb brushes your clit. Your body jerks on instinct, his delicate touch like lightning on your skin. “Ah, fuck! Jungkook, please!”

You have your head thrown back, unable to keep still when he proceeds to push a finger into you without warning. He pumps into you slowly, the drag of his fingertips torturously slow as you incoherently beg for more.

“More? You fucking asked for it,” he grunts, adding a second finger and being rewarded with another chorus of moans from you. He fucks his fingers into you like a drill, the obscene squelch of your sopping cunt coupled with the sound of palm hitting against your clit is like music to his ears. He can sense the way your blood is rushing through you right now, pleasure thrumming through your limbs and making you intoxicatingly sweet.

“I can’t wait to taste you, darling,” he says, licking his lips in anticipation. “You must love this, don’t you? Love it when I finger you like this, even though you know hyung is going to catch us and punish us for this?”

You nod fervently, incoherent babbles dribbling from your open mouth. “W-want both of you! Want S-Seokjin to catch us and make us cry.” You gasp, your stomach clenching when he curls his fingers in just the right way to make your toes curl in pleasure. “Koo, I’m a-almost there!”

Your pussy, despite hours of being constantly aroused, still feels like a vice grip, selfishly sucking him back. He relishes your moans, drawing more sounds out of you that you had not known you were capable of producing. There is no time or space for shame as your whines grow higher in pitch, calling out his name when you sense your orgasm approach.

Jungkook feels feverish when he finally takes a bite from your skin, your blood made sweeter when you climaxed from his fingers alone. The meat of your thigh gushes crimson like a fountain upon his desert-like tongue. He is drunk on you; not even nectar can be sweeter than you.

He drinks for what feels like hours, lapping at your wound until he cannot stomach another drop. A blatant lie, of course, but he also does not wish to drink you dry. So with a heavy heart, he pulls away, leaving one last lick up your thigh to stop the bleeding. He slumps back on his knees, his head lolling drowsily as he looks at you with a satisfied smile.

You are in no better condition, your chest heaving as you struggle to regain your sanity after both the mind-blowing orgasm and blood loss. Still, you smirk sleepily back at him, your eyebrow raised as if in question.

“What?” Jungkook drawls.

Instead of a verbal response, you point at his crotch with your feet. When he looks down, his dick is completely hard, his erection straining against his slacks. He was so deeply engrossed in the flavor of you that he had not even stopped to consider his own arousal, but now that it has been so kindly pointed out by you, the need to be inside of you consumes him like a fire burning him on a stake.

A guttural sound escapes his throat, a renewed fervor pushing him to climb to his feet in an instant. Impatient, he struggles for a moment to loosen his belt, has half a mind to just tear his pants in two when—

“Jeon Jungkook, can you hear me?”

Jungkook stiffens. Unable to hear the voice coming from his earpiece, you give Jungkook a quizzical look, wondering why he’d suddenly stopped in his tracks. “Koo? What’s the matter?” you ask, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Jeon Jungkook, answer me,” Seokjin’s voice is slightly garbled by static, but the authority in his tone is unmistakable.

Jungkook swallows thickly. He lifts the small microphone attached to his lapel, bringing it closer to his lips. “H-hyung?” he stutters. Your eyes widen, realization and panic seizing you.

You both share a frantic look. Fuck!

Seokjin chuckles darkly. “Took you long enough. Did you and our little mistress have fun?”

“W-well, we—” Jungkook stammers, looking to you for help. You shrug your shoulders, equally as tongue-tied. He returns to his mic, “We were just, umm…”

“Open the door,” is all Seokjin utters before Jungkook’s earpiece goes dead. Jungkook rips the small piece of plastic from his ear, both of you turning to the door when a loud knock reverberates across the restroom.

“It’s…” Jungkook cuts off, but he doesn’t need to say anything for you to know exactly who is waiting outside the door.

“Open the door,” Seokjin repeats, but there’s a certain quality to his voice that makes both you and Jungkook immediately want to follow his command. Without another word, Jungkook stands up stiffly, his feet dragging as he unlocks the door to allow him inside.

“No fair,” you complain. You pout, crossing your arms. “You used your siren voice on us!”

“I wouldn’t have needed to use it if you two weren’t acting like a pair of brats,” Seokjin says, sickly sweet. He’s smiling, but there is darkness lingering in his expression. It doesn’t help that your lower body is still exposed, free for his gaze to roam. “Do you have any idea how much trouble the two of you are in?”

“I’m sure my father is hardly concerned,” you scoff, filled with false bravado. You smirk when his eyebrows furrow, keen to tempt his anger. After all, Seokjin is the most fun to play with when he lets go. “Besides, I pay you to look out for me, don’t I? I’d expect you to come up with an excuse on our behalf.”

“I suppose so,” Seokjin hums. He glances at Jungkook, whose prior arousal has yet to subside. In a flash, Seokjin has Jungkook backed up to a toilet cabinet, roughly grabbing his bulge. Jungkook wheezes, his eyes flashing open in surprise.

“And you?” Seokjin asks, using his free hand to force Jungkook to face him. “You understand that you left your post, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Jungkook gasps out. Seokjin’s grip tightens, and Jungkook releases a soft moan.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes hyung,” Jungkook emphasizes, his hips unconsciously rutting upwards. Seokjin situates his thigh in between Jungkook’s legs, letting the younger boy rock against it for a few moments before pulling back just as quickly. Jungkook whines pathetically, jaw agape.

“You both lost the game. What makes you think you deserve anything?” Seokjin asks. He directs his question to you, glancing over his shoulder. “Well? Did I interrupt something I wasn’t supposed to see?”

When you don’t reply, Seokjin frowns. “Answer me, Y/N.”

His voice is musical, and it pulls the answer out of you, unable to resist. “Yes,” you say, through gritted teeth.

“What were you going to do?”

“He was going to fuck me,” you say. You smirk when his shoulders tense. “We were going to fuck without you.”

At your admission, Seokjin considers you with an unreadable expression. The tension in the air is tangible. Jungkook has his eyes averted, but judging from the way his cock twitches in his trousers, you know he’s also aware of what’s going to happen. All you need to do is wait a little, and then Seokjin will—

He steps away from Jungkook and walks towards the chaise lounge situated near the wall of the entrance. He sits on it primly, his back straightened as though he were about to call you in for tea. “Go on then,” he says, flapping his hands flippantly. When neither of you moves, he quirks an eyebrow in amusement. “What? Don’t let me ruin your fun. Continue where you left off.”

“Um…” you say, thoroughly at a loss. This is usually the point where Seokjin decides to punish either of you, or perhaps drag the two of you back home for more adequate disciplinary action. Instead, he seems content to allow the two of you to do as you please. He has a mask of indifference on, and it’s always been a little hard for you to figure out what he was really thinking.

“But…” Jungkook gulps. “W-we wanted you to, um…”

“What? To join you? Oh please,” Seokjin laughs, a little cruelly. “No, I’d rather not stop your fun. Carry on.”

“But—”

“Carry. On.” Seokjin commands, his power trickling onto his words. At once, Jungkook straightens up, his feet carrying him towards you and spreading your legs apart. You gasp, the sudden movement surprising you.

“Seokjin, what are you..?”

“Fuck her, Jungkook,” Seokjin interrupts, ignoring your baffled stutters. “Fuck her until she can’t even stand.”

Jungkook shoves down his pants and underwear in one swift motion, kicking them off his ankles somewhere behind him. He situates his cock against you, rubbing the tip against your slit for a second before thrusting forward and splitting you open.

You both scream and moan at the sensation, your warm walls clamped around him deliciously. He begins his brutal pace immediately, both due to his desperation to meet his orgasm and also the magic imbued in the simple command given by Seokjin.

The intoxicating roll of his hips has your eyes seeing stars as he pulls out nearly all the way before pushing back in. He angles himself until he hits your sweet spot with every thrust, ripping ragged whimpers from your throat. Your second orgasm is quickly building before you know it, your body tightening up as he continues to rut into you.

With a trembling moan, you gush around him, coating his cock with your arousal. Your legs are still shaking even after you finish, your entire body going limp from the exertion. Jungkook slows down, still painfully hard inside of you.

“Did I tell you to stop? Keep going,” Seokjin utters quietly. He is the picture of calmness, his hands folded delicately onto his lap.

“What?” you exclaim. “I can’t, no, it’s too much—”

But when it comes to Seokjin, his word is the law. Between the two of you, Jungkook has always been more susceptible to his voice, completely powerless under Seokjin’s influence. And so, Jungkook resumes fucking into you, mindlessly obedient.

“I’m too—Jungkook, stop, I’m sensitive,” you cry out, but your pleas go unheard as he reaches between the two of you, his thumb grazing your clit and causing your entire body to jolt forward. Your walls squeeze around his cock in response and Jungkook trembles in pleasure. His ministrations on your clit, in tandem with the swiveling of his hips, are almost vicious, the sting both pleasurable and painful.

You can feel the beginnings of tears forming, the assault on your senses almost too unbearable to handle. “S-Seokjin, please! Make him stop!”

Jungkook is nearing his climax, his rhythm growing erratic and showing no signs of slowing down. He is unable to hear you past his desire, completely entranced and hypnotized.

“You want him to stop? Fine,” Seokjin says, amused. “Jungkook, stop.”

“No, please!” Jungkook lets out a tortured wail. His body freezes in place, his cock still twitching inside of you. The poor boy lets out a few stray tears, his eyes squeezed shut as his body refuses to do his bidding. He sobs, his voice cracking as he pleads, “Hyung, I was so close!”

“Not my problem,” Seokjin giggles. He gets up from his perch on the sofa, leisurely walking towards the both of you as he surveys the frozen boy with a satisfied grin. “That ought to teach you a lesson,” he says, patting Jungkook on the back.

“And you,” he says, facing you, “aren’t getting away so easily.”

You gulp, a shudder running down your spine. “B-but, the party..?”

Snorting incredulously, Seokjin taps his microphone on. “Namjoon-ssi? Yes, I’m sorry for leaving so suddenly. I found Miss Y/N. It seems that she is having stomach problems, so I’ll be escorting her home. Please inform Master Min about her early departure,” he says in one breath, shutting his earpiece off before the other man can reply.

“It seems like everything is already taken care of,” Seokjin says angelically, even though he is anything but. He bends down to pick up Jungkook’s discarded pants, handing them to the younger. He also finds your forgotten vibrator under one of the sinks, picking it up and placing it neatly into his pocket.

He smiles. “Get dressed, both of you. The night is still young, after all.”

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