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stardustreviews · 6 years

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Blog All Day, Meme All Night

over a month ago, actual ray of sunshine @lynchmatthew tagged me in this and uhh i finally finished tweaking this blog so why not do it now!!

tagging @the-little-witches-books, @jostenne, @wylans, @pynchvinsky, and uhh anyone else who wants to!

╰☆╮1. YEET – which book would you yeet out of existence?

Highkey? A Court of Wings And Ruin. That was the book that made me realize that I just couldn’t read anymore Maas. I hated the way she wrote romance, how all her male characters were possessive, the half-hearted attempt at “representation”.

╰☆╮2. CRYING KIM K – which book gives you lots of feelings?

Girls Made of Snow and Glass by Melissa Bashardoust. I need to write a review for this at some point, but basically-- it’s an absolutely beautiful book, a feminist retelling of Snow White, and the mother-daughter relationship between Mina (the Wicked Queen character) and Lynet (the Snow White character) is meticulously, wonderfully crafted. I cannot recommend this book enough!

╰☆╮3. AMERICA, EXPLAIN – favourite book set outside the us?

The creator of this tag, @meriknihar definitely intended this to be an In-Unvierse question, so uhh,, Illuminae definitely counts, right? It takes place in our cosmos, just very far away in both time and distance. I just love how tight and unexpected the plots were, and the format they chose was so interesting

Otherwise, I’d say The Book Thief, which is set in Germany and made me cry my heart out.

╰☆╮4. RIP VINE – your saddest character death?

MAJOR ACOL SPOILERS AHEAD!!

A Darker Shade of Magic’s Holland Vosijk. V. E. Schwab created a beautiful, tragic character, and even thinking about him makes me sad again. He deserved the absolute fucking world, man.

╰☆╮5. WHAT ARE THOSE? – a book that left you confused?

Caraval by Stephanie Garber. It wasn’t that I didn’t get what was going on, but it was just too disorienting. The reader never really finds their footing in her story, and even at the end I was still not sure what was real and what was part of the performance. I don’t know, I guess I just felt like the protagonist’s agency didn’t mean anything when the rug was being pulled out from under everyone’s feet each chapter, and each twist seemed to negate the last. It was just too much.

╰☆╮6. BIG DICK ENERGY – favourite character with BDE?

It took me a while to figure this one out, but probably The Cruel Prince’s Jude Duarte. She will do whatever the fuck she can to get ahead, she refuses to be intimidated, and she’s an amazing Slytherin queen who is more than welcome to murder me if she wants.

╰☆╮7. I WON’T HESITATE BITCH – favourite book with a morally grey protagonist?

Vicious by V. E. Schwab. I read this the summer of my junior year and I fell in love with the story. She’s just,,, so good at crafting characters, and I need Vengeful now that it’s out.

╰☆╮8. MOVE, I’M GAY – favourite book featuring a lgbp+ romance?

Anyone who’s been around me for more than 2.3 seconds knows I am a weakass hoe for Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Córdova. It’s a fun yet dark adventure novel featuring Latina witches, realistic and loving families, lots of magic, and the softest wlw couple I know. My heart belongs to Alex and Rishi.

╰☆╮9. STREET SMARTS – favourite book featuring a protagonist whose strength is their intelligence?

Bitterblue by Kristin Cashore! Bitterblue is a puzzle of a book about mysteries and healing, and unlike the warrior Katsa, the titular protagonist doesn’t have strength or survival instincts. Instead, she has a deep desire to do good, and the brains needed to get to the bottom of the wound her father left on her country. (A close second is An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson; it’s a delightful story about a painter spirited away to Fae territories, and she survives largely due to her cleverness. Plus the book has some wonderful reflections of stagnation vs progress and the price of immortality,,, would highly recommend.)

╰☆╮10. ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO – character death you were happy about?

Severus Snape from Harry Potter. I don’t care that he was on The Good Side, and I really don’t care that He Will Always Love Lily. Severus Tobias Snape is a toxic slimebag, and when he joined the Wizard Nazis and called his best friend/crush a fucking slur, got butthurt that she didn’t want to hang with him anymore. He was willing to let an innocent man and a fucking baby be brutally murdered to save Lily, and even after she clearly rejected him, refused to get over her and let it become creepy and borderline-obsessive. The whole thing where he tore a photo of the Potter family so he could have Lily’s picture and no one else’s? And where he tore off her signature too? What the fuck. Also he has the emotional maturity of a 12 year-old, taking his anger out on two innocent and already traumatized children, to the point where he was one of those children’s greatest fear that is not okay. Anyways he can choke.

╰☆╮11. THEN PERISH – a book you DNFed?

Snow Like Ashes. I didn’t get very far into it, but I remember the premise not really grabbing me, and then it was due back to the library and I didn’t really care enough to get it ever again.

☆╮12. KERMIT SIPPING TEA – a book that makes a statement?

The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness is a great one. It’s a story about being the side characters, the ones who aren’t the Chosen Ones who get sent on an epic quest against evil. They’re just people, dealing with real problems, mental health issues and conflict with friends, and Ness handles the subject with a deft sort of beauty.

The Twelve Little Cakes also qualifies, too. It’s a memoir of a woman’s childhood in a post-Stalinist USSR-era Czech Republic. Despite the depressing setting, Dery manages to write a book bursting with optimism, with belief in the goodness of people and a better world, and that persepctive is as refreshing s it necessary in this modern age.

╰☆╮13. SAME HAT – the character you relate to the most?

I had,,, a lot of trouble with this one, so I’m going to say that Lara Jean from To All the Boys Ive Loved Before really reminds me of my high school self. She daydreams a lot, loves The Aesthetic, is not very grounded in reality, Is Soft And Kinda Anxious. Sure, let’s say that.

╰☆╮14. OH WORM – a book you didn’t expect to love?

I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson. I’m not normally a contemporary person, but I finished this book sobbing instead of working on a health essay. Books that have conflicts shaped like mysteries and puzzles, where personalities and situations clash in a way that looks a little bit like tragedy? Those are books are automatic favorites.

╰☆╮15. SHREK – favourite book featuring mythical creatures?

The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater revolves around the capaill uisce (aka kelpies). Stiefvater is brilliant with characters and atmosphere, so even though her books are more slow-paced, I was still absolutely enchanted.

#book tag #blog all day meme all night #litloversnetwork

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arcadefloorvibes · 6 years

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Dear tumblr

For some of you (I hope not) this a dream come true, because this is the last ever leadership camp post about camp

For some of you this is a living nightmare

Because it's the last post about being on a leadership camp for three days with my crush

That's right

Leadership camp day 3 (End)

This story does have a happy ending, I swear!

@cubedtriangle I hope you enjoy the final massive detailed text post about my three day camp, skipping the survey filling out though because that was boring

Okay, here we go

Wake up early because I didn't sleep well due to shock that we had decided to exchange details, begin packing my sleeping bag that never wants to get packed up, give up after fifteen minutes and meet Laurie in the hall

Walk to dining area and look at the chess set

"The second we have a moment, we should try to play again." I say

"Absolutely."

Also to everyone out there

This is where I can't tell if we're being playfully friendly or flirty

Serious I can't tell

Breakfast. Literally just toast because I'm not fond of cereal (don't judge me)

Tai chi leadership camp style

"Before we begin," The leader with the massive spiderman onesie said "for some of you this is the best day ever, because it's the last Tai chi leadership camp style ever, for some of you this is your worst nightmare, because this is the last Tai chi leadership camp style ever."

It finally sunk in that I would never spend so much time with anyone in this group like this ever again

No more Tai chi leadership camp style

No more noisy dinners

No more sitting in a football match with Laurence drawing imposdible shapes and reading Illuminae

I yelled everything loud enough to make me feel good but not so loud I drown out everyone else

Also we lost Hour of Power Embarrassing Yourself To Earn Points For The Glory Of Being The Best Team

We scored 1460 points

The winner scored 5380 points

No, I don't know how

Break time to pack but we already finished packing so chill time

Fucking sleeping bag took forever though

Graduation planning

I don't have to do a speech but I'm in charge of slideshows

*grumbling* which would be done really soon if people actually gave me the fucking photos and legit song suggestions

To anyone out there, there was a song recommendation that I am suspicious about because of both the person and the text itself

The text is exactly "Deffo famous by mason Ramsey 🤣"

One this person is a massive joker and two I've listened to the song and I don't find it funny so why is there the emoji on the end

Please someone explain I'm confused

Most song recommendations have come from Laurie and I trust his song choices

Livin' on a Prayer (song that was playing on the bus)

Viva la vida (which I originally thought was a Ricky Martin song but I messed up the name and it's not it's Livin la vida loca for the Ricky Martin

And of course

Some

BODY ONCE TOLD ME

It would be Laurie if that didn't come up at some point

That was the first song he ever sang comfortably in front of me even though he hates singing in pub---

HOLD THE FUCK UP

But the important part of the day which you should remember for later

Compliment cards

They are exactly what they sound like except that person has to have one or more of these four traits(?)

Spirit

Courage

Unity

Commitment to Learning

I gave one girl a commitment to learning because she wasn't on the first camp and has had to work hard to keep up with us

And I wrote on for Laurence

I wrote him a Spirit because he does bring a lot of energy into everything he does and makes me and everyone else smile without being one of the noisy ones and I also wanted to give him one I had been planning this since the last camp

He wrote two one which he gave to another girl and ran out of time before he could finish the other

First things first, is the chess board free?

"YO GUYS THERE'S MUFFINS!"

Fuck the chess board then

We walk over to the dining halk and I am no longer hungry when I see the huge crowd of people

I don't like having to push past people or go into huge rooms of people for food

This is bad because I will actually sacrifice food instead of going through a huge crowd

Laurie clearly does not care though

Coming out a few minutes later triumphantly carrying his muffin, he hands me a muffin

Choc chip by the way, which I did mention to him is my favourite

"Here, I got you one." "Thank you!"

A million things are going through my head

"Did he get this specific muffin for me because he knows I like it? Or was it a coincidence? Is this a friendly thing or does he like me back AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

This does solidify my idea to lend him Illuminae book one

Now to any bookworm out there and to anyone who has a bookworm friend, hardcovers are the freaking greatest

My mom and I have been trying to make the village library from "beauty and the beast" moving ladders and all with hardcovers for years so I am very protective over them

I have Illuminae which is equal favourite to Maze Runner in HARDCOVER

I dont give those to just anyone

We sit down with our muffins and watch the chess game

That's right

There were two other people who actually play chess on camp!

YAY

There were also the two girls who didn't know and referred to pawns as "prawns"

I get it, you've never played buT WHEN IT'S READ STRAIGHT OFF THE INSTRUCTIONS

breathe

*inhale* say it correctly please

We both did the GIF above at those two

Also we saw them say it while looking at the instructions

Now back to the story

I have the special glasses that activate sunglasses if they sense sunlight

Which is annoying when you walk inside a dark room after being outside for a while because it's not instantaneous

Laurie has noticed this and pointed it out a few times

During this particular viewing of chess, I had sat in a spot that had sunlight directly hitting my glasses making it kind of hard to see when your whole word has gotten six shades darker than it's supposed to be

When he offered me his hat.

You know, the one that he pretty much never takes off unless we're doing loads of running or jumping

That hat seems to have the exact same value as my books to him

And he's offering it to me

I said yes because it would be rude not to

He probably would never had asked for it back unless I offered it back because I wore that hat for a solid hour

Again, friendly or flirty? I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK

AAAAAH REBLOG TIME!

#maze girl #dear tumblr #aaaah #crush #long post #laurence stories #lc2 #last one?#😢😭#whyyyyyyy

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realreader-blog1 · 7 years

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Gemina is the second book in the YA sci-fi Illuminae trilogy, taking place right where the first book left off, but focusing on a new set of characters.

I was scared that this sequel wouldn't be able to top Illuminae, since the first book set the bar so high, but I was not disappointed in the slightest. This series continues to fascinate me, and is one of the most expertly crafted stories I have ever read.

Format:

+ After reading Illuminae, I was a lot more familiar with this multi-media format, and so it was a lot smoother to just dive right into.

+The mix of chat logs, security footage transcriptions, and everything from the first book were included, as well as new illustrations and photos which added even more to the story.

Plot:

+The plot has so many exciting layers that make you want to keep reading until the very end +Unpredictable plot twists had me all kinds of shook +There's the perfect amount of action, science, suspense, etc.

Characters:

+It took me a tad longer to get used to the new characters compared to Illuminae's, but eventually I think I became even more invested in Hanna and Nik than I was with Kady and Ezra. (If that's even possible) +I loved the detail of their backstories, which added a lot of depth to their characters +Especially in chat logs, I loved the humor in this book. +also, Nik Malikov is swoon worthy +AIDAN is still the best AI I've read about

However, while these are fantastic characters, I had a few tiny issues.

- While the relationships were definitely very different, I felt that Nik and Ezra's sense of humor were almost indistinguishable from one another, and I wish that they were a little more different. -Similarly, in the beginning, Hanna's personality seemed very similar to Kady's, and it wasn't until about a third of the way through that I started to see them as two very individual characters. (I'm just nit-picking though, I love this book & all the characters)

Overall, Gemina was an intense and mind-blowing sequel, and I'm dying for the last book. If you still haven't read these books.... what are you doing.

#bookreview #trilogy #Illuminae #Gemina #review #5starread #favorites #sci-fi #ya #youngadult #youngadultfiction #hannaandnik #kadyandezra #obsidio #reader #bookblogger #booktube #bookstagram

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kpopfanfictrash · 7 years

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Artificial Stars

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Junmyeon (Suho)

Rating: 18+ (smut)

Word Count: 4,778

Summary: Far away in the sky city of Illumina, you’re set to be engaged to the heir of the Kim family business. A notion you firmly reject until you come to realize that things may be more than what they seem. (Enemies to Lovers!AU)

The glass walkway is see-through, enabling you to see all nine hundred and seventy-four stories down. Well, not all the way down – your eyes can’t see that far. Somewhere about a hundred stories lower, the view melds into swirls of darkness. The lights of the city looking like a second night, a distorted reflection of the sky above. This one is grimier though, made up of artificial streetlights and yellow apartment light.

You stand at the top of it all, champagne in hand as you stare down at the view. Illumina was one of the first sky cities, built in tendrils of buildings to reach for the stars. Most of your life has been spent off the ground, this way. Glass walkways spanning all buildings, carships traveling by airway.

If you stepped from this walkway, you’d find it freezing despite it being summer. That’s how you know you’re high in the atmosphere. Scanning the horizon, you notice there are barely any ships out. That’s to be expected, of course. Only high ranking citizens can afford carships, and nearly every citizen of such class is gathered in the room behind you.

Gathered for you. Gathered for him.

The bitterness of this thought makes you take another sip of champagne. Fizzy and sweet, it bursts on your tongue, a direct contrast to your emotions. You’ve dreaded this night for a while, for as long as you can remember. As the sole heiress to the largest trading company in the galaxy, you’re expected to marry well.

‘Marry well,’ meaning marry one person in particular: Kim Junmyeon. Heir to the second largest trading company and the most insufferable human being in the planets. The man is the sole object of your parents’ attention, along with being your soon-to-be betrothed.

Staring into your glass, you find yourself hating that word. Betrothed. That’s what tonight is, that’s why everyone is gathered. Tonight is the announcement of your engagement to Kim Junmyeon.

Unthinkingly, your hand tightens around the glass. Crystal biting painfully into your palm as you stare into your cup. You wonder if you squeezed it hard enough, would it break? If you start to bleed, would your parents let you leave?

The answer is no. If you bled, your parents would call for a med-bot. Instruct the cameras to stay on your good side so they don’t see the stitches. Staring at your own reflection in the window, you decide the effort is not worth the pain.

Tonight you’re dressed so elegantly, playing the very part your parents desire. The part of an heiress, in love with an heir. It’s against current consolidation laws for your parents to formally merge the two companies, which is why marriage is the logical option for linking your two families.

A sigh escapes as you stare at yourself, hair done so that only loose tendrils fall around your neck. Seed pearls interwoven throughout to create the illusion of a halo. The color of your dress is ivory, signifying innocence and chastity. Things which make you roll your eyes, since you are very clearly not.

Appearances are what matters though, especially tonight. No one cares what you think or want. It’s only what you represent, which to your parents is a bartering chip.

“Y/N?”

Your father pokes his head into your corridor. “It’s time to go,” he says, eyes softening taking you in. “You look lovely.”

You don’t respond, leveling your gaze. “Don’t make me do this.”

Stepping onto the walkway, your father shuts the door behind him. The noise of the party fades until it’s just the two of you staring out at the night. “It’s not so bad,” he sighs, stopping beside you. Staring out over the sea of electric lights.

You don’t respond to this.

“It’s as your mother says, this is merely a marriage of convenience. An unfortunate bend to an archaic law. You don’t have to live with him,” your father explains, facing you. “Don’t have to love him. You can be with whomever you want – just with this marriage on paper.”

Your fingers tighten around your champagne glass. “I’m supposed to pretend though, aren’t I? At least at first.”

Sighing, your father stares across the sea of buildings. “I’m so sorry about this, pumpkin.”

“Don’t call me that,” you mutter, turning away. “Just don’t.”

In the back of your mind, you know this isn’t the worst thing. Overall you’ve lived a very easy lifestyle. You never wanting for anything growing up and your parents do love you, they just don’t understand this growing concern of yours. Neither of them had say in who they married - it’s all business, they say.

“Let’s go,” you exhale. Facing the doors and waiting until your father takes your arm.

When you step forward, the lights are blinding. Flashes go off from every direction as your perfect photo opportunity presents itself. The two of you pause at the entrance and you adopt the smile that you always use. Mouth closed, lips lifted, head down. Stepping forward carefully to ensure you don’t stumble, don’t pause. Nodding genteelly at the crowd as your father leads you in.

The front of the room is just as bright, enough so you can’t see much. The cheers are loud though, and you feel when your champagne is gently taken from your palm. In its absence you wave, smiling your pasted-on smile that you loathe.

You feel, rather than see him approach.

“Hello.”

A quick glance tells you everything you need to know. Kim Junmyeon is still handsome, still devastating and still the ultimate representation of everything you hate about this world. His dark hair pushed back from his face, styled in a way to display his high cheekbones and expressive eyes.

He’s dressed in a tuxedo tonight, just another reminder of the impending nuptials. Taking your arm from your father, he turns the two of you to face the crowd. Junmyeon smiles the same, polite grin you do, waving with his unoccupied hand. “The least you can do is pretend to care,” he whispers from the corner of his mouth. “Your expression looks as though you’ve just eaten a lemon.”

Without allowing your smile to falter, you pinch him sharply in the side. “At least I don’t look constipated.”

Raising a brow, Junmyeon nods at a waving photographer. “Bold to say that without looking in the mirror first.”

Though your grip tightens on his arm you look away, no longer wanting to play. Somewhere off to the side, your father has begun to peak. He says something about family and duty, the wonderful bonds of love - all the while knowing it’s a lie.

He and your mother didn’t marry for love, which is why they don’t understand your current reticence to your engagement. It’s fairly old-fashioned these days to marry out of desire. Love, it seems, became unfashionable with the times.

Most people today marry for convenience, if at all. Which is why everyone around you thinks that this shouldn’t be a big deal. You won’t be expected to procreate, even – just insist on a birth certificate that the two of you did. At this though, your eyes flutter closed. A birth certificate. It’s slowly dawning on you that this is the end of your former life.

From now on, you’ll have certain expectations. You’ll be a wife, a bride, a mother. All this with Junmyeon for a husband. From somewhere behind you, your father announces your engagement. Raising his glass to applause as lightbulbs flash even brighter from the audience.

Junmyeon’s hand is surprisingly firm as his fingers intertwine with yours, gaze darkening as he glances sideways. “Y/N,” he murmurs, facing you. “It’s time for our dance.”

You nod, following him onto the dance floor. This is the time where you act as though everything is perfect. Junmyeon lifts your arms with his, beginning to dance. The two of you whirl about the floor, lost in a dazzling haze of lights and whispers.

Midway through the second song, you start to panic. Junmyeon is looking at you anxiously, as though he cares which only serves to remind that he doesn’t. His hand is low on your waist as you look down, upset by how gentle his touch is. This whole thing is fake, a sham. In reality Junmyeon doesn’t like you any more than you do.

The song comes to an end, the noise of the crowd washing over you in tinkling laughter and murmured cues. It blurs into one, incoherent mess that suddenly you can’t stand to be a part of. “Excuse me,” you breathe, tearing your hand free from Junmyeon’s grasp.

You pretend you’re going to the bathroom, smiling at all the right people as you exit the hall. Trying to slow your footsteps from a run so that no one realizes you’re exiting. When you reach the hall, you glance right and left. Scanning your surroundings before hurrying aimlessly down one corridor. Slipping into the closest room to slam the door shut.

The room you’ve chosen is dark, mostly unused. It looks as though it could have once been an office – furniture dots the space, though white sheets are draped over most of it to protect from dust. It gives the whole room a ghostly feel which suits your mood. Taking a step forward, you try not to disturb anything while you walk.

The wall opposite is floor to ceiling windows, providing an unfiltered view of Illumina outside. The lights of the city are the only source and as you stop before the window, your hand rises slowly to touch outdoors. You wonder if this is the last time you’ll your ring finger naked this way.

“Y/N?”

In the glass window, you see the door open behind you. The shape of Junmyeon framed by the hall outside. Without turning, you catch his gaze in the reflection. “What do you want?” you ask, voice dull.

Junmyeon steps inside, which surprises you. You would have thought the sight of you would be enough to make him want to leave. Instead you watch him come closer, stopping beside you to stare into the night.

“You don’t want to marry me.”

It’s not a question.

Feeling suddenly embarrassed, you look away. It’s occurring to you suddenly that you’re not the only one being forced into this. Junmyeon has never expressed interest in wanting to marry you, either. “No,” you agree. “I don’t.”

“Why not?”

You realize then that he’s holding two glasses of champagne, one of which he hands to you. The gesture forces you to look at him, and in his expression you see that Junmyeon’s gaze is heavy. You wonder why he even came to find you in the first place.

Not just that, but why he sounds so serious. Normally Junmyeon is the first to add a biting remark or comment. Normally he’s nothing but impatient, which is why you can’t stand him.

“Because.” Looking at him, you decide to take his question seriously. “I just don’t,” you say, taking a sip from the glass in your hand.

Shaking his head, Junmyeon stares out into the night. “That’s not an answer,” he says, sounding vaguely annoyed. “Why are you always so difficult?”

“Me?” Your mouth drops open. “You’ve been nothing but rude to me our entire lives. Hanging around, offering commentary I don’t ask for. Thinking you know what’s best for me. You’re ridiculous.”

Junmyeon continues to look unimpressed. “Maybe I do know what’s best for you,” he counters, cocking an eyebrow. “Maybe it’s you that’s always blundering, hopelessly naïve and I feel it’s my duty as your future husband to call you out on it.”

At this, you scowl. Barely restraining yourself from throwing the drink in his face. “I am not naïve.”

“Yes, you are.” Junmyeon says this simply, as though stating the obvious. “You are, since you believe in love.”

This statement steals whatever words you were about to say. You’re left staring at him, unsure of what to say.

Junmyeon seems amused by this. “Most people consider those who believe in love to be naïve.”

“Most people are wrong,” you huff, slamming your glass onto the table. You walk away, halting before the next panel of windows. You don’t know how Junmyeon realized, how he knows. Closing your eyes, you struggle to regain composure. Now that Junmyeon knows, you suppose there will be entire lifetime of taunting of this very fact.

When you open your eyes, you find Junmyeon staring back at you. The two of you have known each other your entire lives – what’s one more thing to tease you about. Junmyeon always tends to appear at the very worst times. Always when you’re in the middle of something embarrassing or awkward.

Like when you were dared to walk the rim of the glassway between Portim and Nar. Your foot caught halfway and you were almost sent careening off the edge before Junmyeon’s strong grip caught you. He’d climbed out after you and somehow managed to keep you from tumbling sideways. The next few months he spent reminding you of this, of course. Insisting you owed him a favor and that one day, he’d come to collect.

Or the time you decided to drink an entire bottle of your mother’s vintage, forgetting you had a ribbon-cutting ceremony to attend to that evening. Junmyeon was the one to notice then, too. He kept his arm around you the entire night, pinching the inside of your elbow to make sure you sobered up in time.

Or now. When you found the confines of the party too much and needed to escape – Junmyeon followed. Followed you and insists upon staying, not satisfied until you’re completely undone before him.

“It doesn’t matter what I think,” you exclaim, eyes blazing. “My parents made it clear that, regardless of what either you or I want, we’re to be married.”

Something in his gaze flickers. “Would it be so terrible,” Junmyeon asks, his voice low, “to be married to me, Y/N?”

His question throws you. It’s not like Junmyeon to be self-deprecating. “I – yes. Maybe,” you stutter, confused when he takes a step closer.

“What do you think love is?” His expression is serious, making you feel as though you don’t know how to respond.

“I... I don’t know,” you admit, turning away. He’s too close right now. Your pulse thuds at the distance, consumed by anger. “I suppose I’ll know it when I feel it.”

He laughs, the noise soft. “Will you?”

“Will you stop?” you snap, turning back to him. Blinking when you realize how close he is. “Stop questioning everything I say. Stop acting like you know better than me and stop appearing every time I’m sad, angry, upset.”

Junmyeon arches his brows. “Do you even hear yourself? Do you even listen to what you’re saying?” Setting his glass down, he cocks his head. “Why do you think I hate you, Y/N?”

“Because you do,” you say, automatically.

Except that as he’s looking at you, it doesn’t seem to be full of hate. His expression is angry, frustrated - but more sad than anything else. As though Junmyeon is waiting for you to say something, but knows you won’t.

Sighting, Junmyeon reaches up to push a hand through his hair. “I don’t,” he says, refusing to look away. “I don’t hate you at all, Y/N.”

His confession makes you blink. “I don’t… understand.”

Softly, he reaches out. His hand finds yours, fingertips sliding across your palm to send a warm shiver down your spine. Enemies shouldn’t be able to make you feel this way. Junmyeon looks up, watching your face with a curious expression.

“For years,” he confesses. “I’ve felt like both the luckiest and most cursed man in existence, Y/N. Luckiest because I get to marry you. Cursed, because you refuse to love me back.”

“Love you back?”

Maybe you’ve had too much champagne, since the room around you is spinning. The words Junmyeon says don’t make sense at all. He hates you, as much as you hate him - doesn’t he?

Junmyeon steps closer. His body is close, mere centimeters away. You feel the heat from his torso, feel the intensity his presence always brings. It’s strange, now that you think about it. Somehow you’re always able to tell when Junmyeon enters a room. Your gaze always turns, his eyes already on yours. The two of you have always had this connection – it was something you chalked up to animosity, loathing.

If you hated Junmyeon though, you wouldn’t be standing here listening to a single word that he’s said. You wouldn’t be staring at his hand, intertwined in yours. For that matter, your heart wouldn’t be beating quite this fast if you hated him.

Junmyeon stares back. He’s always been direct, alarmingly so. “I’ve been in love with you,” he admits, the words hesitant, “since before I understood the meaning of it.”

Your thoughts tumble, struggling to reconcile this man with your preconceived notion: Junmyeon, the man you’re supposed to marry. The one you never allowed yourself to consider as an option, since he was your only one.

He stares back now though, his dark eyes wide and fearful, and you find yourself struggling. Struggling to hang onto this idea of him because you’re slowly realizing that he’s not. His hand in yours is gentle, his touch hesitant and you find yourself leaning forward.

The pieces of your life start to shift. All his actions, all his words taking on a new significance as you reconsider things. Yes, Junmyeon has seen your embarrassing moments – seen all your scrapes and bruises because he’s been the one putting you back together. This realization crashes through you, changing everything as you look into his eyes.

“You love me,” you say, testing the words in your mouth.

Junmyeon nods. “Naïve, I know.”

You’re still staring at him, stuck with the horrible revelation that you pushed him away for so long. That you were so determined to find love you were able to overlook it before you. You ignored Junmyeon, berated him and – you squeeze your eyes shut.

“Kiss me,” you whisper, the words barely audible.

Junmyeon hears. “W-what?”

Opening your eyes, you look back at him. “Kiss –"

He crushes your lips to his.

Junmyeon’s hands push through your hair, lips soft and eager parting yours. He groans, tongue flicking out as his hand slides around your waist. The lines of his body are hard, rigid and you feel yourself melting forward. Softening against him in places you never thought you would.

When Junmyeon pulls away, he’s wide-eyed. “I’m sorry,” he breathes, still not removing his hands from your body. “I’m sorry, I just –"

You kiss him back. There’s fire in your veins, igniting you from inside out as you wonder why you didn’t realize this before. How could you not realize that all these strings drawing you to Junmyeon were of your own accord?

“Junmyeon,” you gasp. His lips are slightly reddened when he pulls away, hair mussed where you’re touched it. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“You hated me,” he explains, eyes insistent. “I didn’t think you’d believe,” he murmurs, hands exploring you through the panes of your dress.

You let him, amazed by the feel of his hands on you. Amazed that the sheer act of touching could make your skin tingle so, thoughts scramble. You’ve kissed other guys, done more than that with them. But nothing, no one has made you feel like this.

Junmyeon’s hand end at your face, thumb brushing your jaw to tilt your head up. He leans down, pressing his lips to your throat. Traveling upwards in a way that implies he has all the time in the world – which, maybe you do. Maybe this is what it would be like to be married to Junmyeon. The thought makes you shiver, not unpleasantly.

After finding your jaw, Junmyeon moves to your lips. Kissing tenderly, sweetly before opening your mouth and allowing his tongue inside. Junmyeon’s hands are in your hair, brushing back tendrils. A pearl clatters to the floor and you let it, unconcerned as he backs you against the window. The glass of it smooth, cold as the length of his body presses even closer. Junmyeon curves over you, touching to draw moans from your lips.

Not that he seems to be doing much better. Junmyeon’s touch is shaky on your body, hands fluttering to find purchase in every inch of bare inch he can. When his fingers slide beneath the straps of your dress, you inhale sharply.

“Yes,” you answer, when he looks at you.

Without daring to look away, Junmyeon slowly pushes your dress from your torso. There was no room for a bra tonight, so this simple act of removal bares your chest entirely.

Junmyeon looks pained, almost in awe as he stares. “Beautiful,” he murmurs, pressing lips to your neck. He moves downward, finding first one breast, then the other. Playing gently until you’re whimpering beneath his touch. Kneading your nipple with one hand while tongue flicking expertly against the other.

You gasp, hardly able to stand upright. Angrily, you tug on his jacket at his shoulders. “Take this off,” you say, frowning when he chuckles. “It’s not fair.”

Junmyeon raises his eyebrows but obeys, sliding his tuxedo from his shoulders and dropping it on the floor. His bow tie is next, which he removes to set on the table next to the champagne. His shirt is undone one button at a time, until his chest is revealed and you groan - he’s gorgeous. Perfectly toned and muscular, your hand moves with a mind of it’s own running down his chest.

His breath quickens at your touch, watching your hand drift lower and lower. You pause right before his pants. “Junmyeon,” you say. His gaze meets yours. “Junmyeon, take these off.”

His lips part, hardly daring to believe it’s real when you flick open the first button. Your hands push his slacks to his ankles, leaving him standing there in plain, black briefs. His dress shirt is open, bulge painfully obvious through his shorts and still watching, you push your own dress the rest of the way off.

Junmyeon’s eyes narrow. With a growl of frustration, he scoops you into his arms. Bending to lift you against him and walking towards the a desk still covered in sheets. When he sets you down, he pauses, hair falling into his eyes as he looks at you.

Unable to stop, Junmyeon kisses you again. His lips are eager, pulling your body to wrap your nakedness around him. Gently, he caresses your thighs, trailing your back, tracing the curves of your lower body.

When you find yourself unable to think he pulls away, dropping so that all you see is the dark outline of his hair. “Junmyeon?” you query, confused until, “Ah!”

He spreads your legs, licking a path over your sex. Junmyeon pushes you open, teasing with lips and tongue as you arch your hips upwards. His mouth is hot, succinct and each stroke brings you closer and closer to release.

You lean back, head finding the desk as he continues his work. One finger slides in with utmost slowness, curving softly against a point which makes you tremble. “Junmyeon!” you cry, clapping a hand over your mouth.

Junmyeon doesn’t seem to care if you’re heard though, finger pulling back out to push into you again. Mimicking what could be as the sensations sweep through you. Tightening your insides until they release in a mind-numbing wave, your very first orgasm by a man.

“Oh,” you moan, unable to find anything more coherent than that.

Junmyeon chuckles, dropping kisses up your stomach as he pulls you into him. “Enjoyable?” he asks, grin wicked.

“What makes you think you’re done?” you whisper, a small smile overtaking your face.

Junmyeon’s expression falters when your hand touches his body. Moving over him to feel his hardness beneath your palm. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and stares back. “I’m not done,” he confesses, eyes dark. “Not with you. Not now. Not ever.”

Kissing you gently, he wraps your leg around his waist. As you push his shirt from his chest, you allow the fabric to drop onto the floor. For this you want to feel him fully, have him entirely. When Junmyeon is naked before you, it’s slightly alarming. Alarming you didn’t even realize the full effect he had on you before.

Looking at him hurts. He’s so beautiful that it hurts. Remembering all those times he came to your rescue, you realize how foolish you’ve been. How could you have ever thought it was desire for your embarrassment which made him act so? You were an idiot, but the way he looks at you now gives you hope it’s not too late.

Junmyeon has a condom in his pocket, something he blushingly explains as in case of emergencies – which makes you laugh. “Sex emergencies?” you tease, watching his eyes darken.

“Something like that,” Junmyeon murmurs, dropping his lips to the spot between your neck and collarbone, driving all thoughts of laughter away.

“Oh,” you groan, arching upwards. “Junmyeon.”

“That drives me crazy,” he exhales. “When you say my name like that.”

“Junmyeon,” you repeat, wickedly rolling the condom onto him. Savoring the feel of his hardness, sliding your hands over his shaft and tip. His expression tightens as he groans, tipping his head back.

“That’s it,” he murmurs, pulling your hips to his. “Enough teasing.” Junmyeon lines himself up at your entrance, watching your face as he sinks into you.

His expression changes when he enters. Desire evolving to something more, something almost awe-like as he buries inside you. Junmyeon pushes himself forward inch by inch, filling you until there’s no room left. Once he’s there, deep inside you, you shudder.

“Junmyeon,” you murmur, kissing his neck. “You’re so…”

He nods, the movement nudging your body. “You are.”

Another shift draws a moan from your throat. You can’t help the noise you make when Junmyeon pulls back, rocking into you with an insistence that makes you clutch tighter. Hanging on while his hips set a punishing rhythm, deep and hard against your g-spot. Hitting your walls again and again as you groan.

You’re still sensitive from your earlier orgasm, but somehow start to build again. Which is good, considering the expression of sheer bliss on Junmyeon’s face. “God,” he whispers, lips finding yours in a series of heated kisses. “You feel so good.”

His hand slips beneath your hips, lifting you higher. The motion drives him deeper and he thrusts harder. You let go entirely, falling back and letting him drive, following his motions as he careens towards the edge. Junmyeon’s hand finds that place between your legs still wet from earlier and when he slides over your sex, you fall apart. Gasping his name as your second orgasm shudders though you.

You don’t know if your eyes are closed or not, but when you finally manage to see him again, he’s smiling down at you. Spent from his own orgasm, Junmyeon’s lips find yours in a kiss so sweet you have difficulty believing this is the same man from earlier. You wouldn’t have thought this possible, earlier tonight.

Junmyeon smiles, pulling back to stare. You trace over his jawline, sliding your hand into his hair. “Wow,” you say, still in disbelief.

Junmyeon’s gaze is bright, though this turns to concern. “Y/N.” Worry clouds his gaze. “I want to say that I don’t expect anything. This was amazing, but,” he pauses, shaking his head. “It was more than that. This was the single best thing that’s ever happened but if you don’t feel the same -”

“Shut up,” you murmur, snuggling into him. Feeling his arms wrap around you. “I’ll admit, this is inconvenient. It’s going to make my parents stupidly happy when I tell them I agree for once.”

The movement of Junmyeon’s laughter shakes your frame. “True,” he muses. “Why give them the satisfaction? Let’s hold out a little longer, give this hatred thing another shot. I’ll be sad if you don’t punch me at least once tonight.”

“Hm.” Pretending to think, you smile when he lifts your face to his. “That might be hard,” you sigh, voice softening. “I’ve spent so long pretending not to love you and now that I realize, I don’t think I can go back to the way things were.”

Junmyeon inhales, voice catching. “Really?”

“I love you, Junmyeon. I –"

Your next words are cut off by him kissing you.

Author’s Note: Why. I try to write a simple one shot and it becomes a futuristic marriage arrangement set inside a city of lights. LOL I am sorry this was so long, but I hope you enjoyed! HAPPY FIVE YEARS OF EXO! 💕

#kWriters burning up #kWritersNet #suho smut #junmyeon smut #exo smut #suho fic #suho fanfic #suho au #suho fanfiction #suho fantasy #junmyeon fic #junmyeon fanfic #junmyeon fanfiction #junmyeon au #q: junmyeon tag

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pryngols · 4 years

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“A story was a form of telepathy. By means of inking symbols onto a page, she was able to send thoughts and feelings from her mind to her reader’s. It was a magical process, so commonplace that no one stopped to wonder at it.” ― Ian McEwan, Atonement

2019 favorites shortlist

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope 2020 has been kind to you so far. As promised, here I am with my 2019 wrap-up. As you can tell from the above photo I had a tough time coming up with a strict Top 10 favorites. From my initial list of 40 I was able to narrow it down to 24, then down to just 10. It was really challenging but lots of fun, too. I am happy to report that I have been successful with my 2019 reading goals: 1) to read diverse authors and genre, 2) to reach my Goodreads goal of 100 books 3) to build my Netgalley profile and 4) to join blog tours.

I am a mood reader so this will be a diverse list. As a friend of mine once said, one can never know what I’ll be reading next. I hope you connect with some of my favorite books, too. Without further ado– presenting my Top 10 Favorite Reads of 2019, in no particular order:

My Cousin Rachel by Daphne du Maurier – was absolutely stunning, the perfect mix of romantic gothic mystery. It’s a tragic but beautiful tribute to the female charm and power.

Fates and Furies by Lauren Groff – a hypnotizing tale of a unique marriage between two very intense forces. This book is on point about everything that a marriage is and is not. Though I found the first part a bit dragging at times, the second half of the book simply took my breath away. There is no love story like Lotto and Mathilde.

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone is a short but intense scifi read that leaves you wanting more. It’s an epistolary romance that surprised me with an unexpected level of passion.

Everything Under by Daisy Johnson – as I have discussed on a previous post, this book is a heady meditation on language and memory, as we follow the story of a mother and daughter living on a boat by a river. It’s an intoxicating mix of folklore, contemporary and magical realism.

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote – This book is more than your average crime thriller, not only because it is based on a true story, but because it is a lengthy meditation on a nation’s culture of violence, the insufficiency of justice systems, and explores the reader’s limits for empathy. ⁣

Atonement by Ian McEwan – is perhaps the saddest love story ever told. It’s simply beautiful, heartbreaking and unforgettable. The best thing about it is how the author used the form and structure of the novel to get his message across. Remarkable.

Solanin (Solanin #1-2) by Inio Asano – though not as polished and sophisticated as some of Asano’s popular novels, this one has become my favorite among his works. The raw emotions and simplicity of style made the story not only more relatable but also showcased the artist’s storytelling prowess, without his usual embellisments.

The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank – I honestly felt like I had a wonderful friend in Anne Frank while I was reading her writing, and it is such a privilege to be able to do so. These are thoughts of a brilliant young girl, way ahead of her time. I devoured all her entries as though I was the one who needs comfort, and not she. Though I knew how it all ends, I was not prepared with the amount of tears I shed on the last few pages.

Miracle Creek by Angie Kim – is the book that surprised me the most this year. It is an intricate and soulful tale that will challenge the way we see humanity: its relationships, its sense of justice, and the consequences of our actions no matter how big or small. I talked about this in length here.

The Lottery and Other Stories by Shirley Jackson – I love the build up of tension, the quiet sadness and the terror of human loneliness. It is one of those rare short stories collections wherein all of the stories are equally great, or at least wonderfully curated to make the whole thing a cohesive masterpiece. I talked more about this book here.

Of course I just can’t limit my favorites to just 10 (I’m so sorry!) I still have a lot more to recommend, so here are some of the honorable mentions:

CRIME/THRILLERS

The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

Twisted by Steve Cavanagh

FANTASY

Castle in the Air (Howl’s Moving Castle #2) by Diana Wynne Jones

A Hat Full of Sky (Discworld #32) by Terry Pratchett

GRAPHIC NOVELS

Patience by Daniel Clowes

Smashed: Junji Ito Story Collection by Junji Ito

Sleepwalk and Other Stories by Adrian Tomine

QUIET BLOCKBUSTERS – These titles are not so popular, and they are not action-packed or exciting or thrilling, but I love them for being beautifully and skillfully written, with exceptional insight to the human psyche.

Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata

A Separation by Katie Kitamura

Rosalind by Judith Deborah

WORTH THE HYPE

Illuminae series (The Illuminae Files) by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

HARD TO READ FAVORITES – These titles are some of my most loved reads this year, and they did not make the Top 10 list only because they were not as effortlessly enjoyable as the others, and have taken me a lot longer to read. But they are definitely more than worth it.

The Vorrh (The Vorrh Trilogy #1) by Brian Catling

Fire & Blood (A Targaryen History #1) by George R.R. Martin

The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov

Below are some screenshots from my favorite bookish tracking app/community Goodreads. If you are also a member there, let’s connect! Add me here.

Some interesting statistics!

I have read a total of 151 books. 151! My personal best. ⁣ ⁣ 2020’s goal is to actually read less. As much as I love reading, I think last year has been more of a therapy for me, a sort of escape from reality. 2019 is the worst year of the decade for me and my mental health. So I’d like to DO more this year. I’m hoping to do online courses, go back to running, travel, more projects!! Wish me luck.

I remember how when I first started my bookstagram and this book blog, one of my main reasons for doing so is that I wanted to have a platform where I can talk about books. Before all this, when I finish a book I just mark it as “Read” on Goodreads and then move on. I am somehow left with a feeling of loss because I knew I might eventually forget how or why I loved a certain novel. Currently, I am at least comforted by the fact that I now belong to a community that celebrates the same passion for reading, that always welcomes me when I have all sorts of book hangover. I can now say farewell (see you later!) with ease to these stories, and most importantly–I don’t feel so alone anymore.

All I am trying to say is thank you for being here and for tolerating my bookish obsession. Being a part of the bookish and blogging communities has not only motivated me to read more, but has also encouraged me to do more of what I love. I have learned how to be comfortable with my own thoughts, and to be more open to other’s as well.

⁣I appreciate each and every one of you. Care to share some of your 2020 goals, bookish or not? Let’s chat in the comments! 🥂⁣

Princess & Pages Year in Books 2019 “A story was a form of telepathy. By means of inking symbols onto a page, she was able to send thoughts and feelings from her mind to her reader's.

#book review #Bookstagram #goodreads #new year 2020 #year end wrap up

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inhandnetworks-blog · 5 years

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APEX Electron Gun in Cellular modem Second Phase of Testing

www.inhandnetworks.com

With its cables and wires and wave-guides and cables, APEX is a snug fit in the Beam Test Facility at the Advanced Light Source. Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory photo by Roy Kaltschmidt

Over the last six years, researchers at the Berkeley Lab have made great progress on APEX, an electron gun that operates at radio frequency in continuous wave mode to produce a high-quality beam at an unprecedented repetition rate.

The focus of Berkeley Lab’s Advanced Photon Injector Experiment, APEX, is an extraordinary electron gun specially designed for the front end of superconducting accelerators. When it’s complete, the APEX gun will be able to produce well-formed bunches of electrons in pulses a few trillionths or even mere quadrillionths of a second long, at rates of up to a million bunches per second.

“With the kind of accelerator-based x-ray light sources we’re designing for, the quality of the electron beam is determined right when the electrons leave the gun,” says Fernando Sannibale of the Accelerator and Fusion Research Division (AFRD), who heads the APEX project. “We need tight electron bunches with high charge, high energy, and a very high repetition rate. And we need the gun to operate reliably over long periods.”

A video artist’s ultra-slow-motion impression of an APEX-style electron gun firing a continuous train of electron bunches into a superconducting linear accelerator (in reality this would happen a million times a second). As they approach the speed of light the bunches contract, maintaining beam quality. After acceleration, the electron bunches are diverted in one or more undulators, the key components of free electron lasers. Oscillating back and forth in the changing magnetic field, they create beams of structured x-ray pulses. Before entering the experimental areas the electron bunches are diverted to a beam dump. (Animation created by Illumina Visual for Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory)

The APEX gun was conceived in 2006 by Sannibale and John Staples of AFRD and represents critical technology for the next generation of light sources. Initially funded under Berkeley Lab’s Laboratory Directed Research and Development program, since 2009 APEX has been supported by DOE’s Office of Science as part of a national program of research and development for accelerators and detectors.

A new kind of light source

In scientific parlance, a light source isn’t just a light bulb but a big machine that produces bright beams of light extending into the x-ray region. Typically light sources are user facilities, open to many scientists working on a wide range of experiments. Synchrotron light sources like Berkeley Lab’s Advanced Light Source (ALS), based on storage rings in which electrons circulate at high energies, are mainstays of scientific investigations in chemistry, complex materials, the life sciences, and other research frontiers.

The newest light sources are free electron lasers (FELs). Instead of synchrotrons, most FELs use linear accelerators to boost a train of electron bunches to relatively high energies, then send them through undulators, long rows of magnets that wiggle the electrons back and forth to make them shed much brighter x-ray beams than a synchrotron light source can achieve – and not just brighter, but coherent (laser-like) as well.

Unlike synchrotron sources, however, many FELs have tediously slow repetition rates. SLAC’s pioneering Linac Coherent Light Source (LCLS), for example, produces electron bunches, and thus x-ray pulses, about 100 times a second. Low rates don’t just glacially slow the time needed to do many experiments. Future experiments hope to explore the extreme time scales at which electrons move within molecules; these experiments will need very short x-ray pulses repeating hundreds of thousands or even a million times a second.

High-repetition-rate x-ray beams call for superconducting electron accelerators operating in what’s known as continuous-wave mode (CW). Rather than single pulses or groups of pulses separated by large time intervals, in CW a continuous electromagnetic field accelerates a train of short-spaced electron bunches to the FEL undulators without interruption. The oscillating voltage of the accelerating field is synchronized with the bunches in the train at constant radio frequency (RF).

Daniele Filippetto, responsible for APEX’s photocathode laser and beam diagnostics, adjusts the mirror that directs the laser to fire into the gun, parallel to the emerging electron beam, to stimulate electron emission from the photocathode. Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory photo by Roy Kaltschmidt

For such an accelerator, the electron gun itself must operate in continuous wave mode at radio frequency, which poses a challenge. Producing a train of extremely short, fast-repeating, high-charge bunches, with the electrons in each bunch remaining tightly packed, requires a source of electrons that can spit them out rapidly and repeatedly in the presence of strong electric fields.

“The problem is that a high-frequency, high-power RF cavity can’t operate in CW; it has to be pulsed or it would melt,” says Sannibale. “So to operate in CW, we have to start with lower frequencies.”

The APEX gun operates at 187 megahe Distribution Power Line Monitoring System rtz (187 million cycles per second), or VHF – which means “very high frequency” but is low compared to the RF of the accelerator itself, measured in gigahertz (billions of cycles per second). The longer wavelength allows the gun’s cavity to be considerably larger than that of comparable higher-frequency guns, which means a greater surface area over which to distribute the heat, keeping the gun relatively cool while it accelerates a continuous wave of electron bunches.

The electron bunches come from a photocathode, a rod inside the gun that throws off electrons when hit by photons from a laser. The laser beam enters the gun’s beam-exit port in the opposite direction from the electron beam it stimulates, and is aligned closely parallel to it.

The first requirement for a photocathode that can produce a million bunches of electrons each second is high “quantum efficiency,” meaning it needs fewer photons to kick out each electron. The SLAC’s LCLS cathode, for example, is made of copper; it needs about 100,000 photons from a powerful laser to free a single electron. APEX is researching cathodes that will create high-charge bunches with just a hundred photons per electron.

“The materials we’re most interested in are called multi-alkali antimonides, which can produce high-charge electron bunches at high rates; these photocathodes are being developed at Berkeley Lab by Howard Padmore’s group at the ALS,” says Sannibale. “The only catch is, the compounds are highly reactive. The slightest trace of water, oxygen, or carbon monoxide poisons them – so we have to get that kind of stuff out of the neighborhood.”

To suck everything out of the gun’s copper cavity it is ringed by slots, outside of which are mounted 24 pumps called “NEGs,” plus one vacuum ion pump. NEG stands for “nonevaporable getter,” a material that can react with and capture virtually everything except noble gases and some hydrocarbons, for which the ion pump is needed. The pumps is designed to pull the vacuum in the cavity down to a hard 10-10 Torr, as devoid of molecules as some regions of outer space.

Other kinds of photocathodes will be tested as well, including cesium-telluride cathodes like those already in use at FLASH in Germany and other FELs; these are provided by Italy’s National Institute of Nuclear Physics (INFN) in Milan. Cesium-telluride cathodes are more robust and have quantum efficiency comparable to the multi-alkali antimonide cathodes, but require higher-energy photons to generate electron emission, and thus more powerful lasers.

Because the APEX gun is intended for advanced FEL user facilities, it has been fitted with a mechanism for unloading and reloading photocathodes relatively quickly (within an hour or two) without losing any of the gun’s vacuum.

From right, John Staples and Fernando Sannibale of the Accelerator and Fusion Research Division conceived APEX, and Russell Wells (left) of Engineering led its construction. Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory photo by Roy Kaltschmidt

Advancing a technological frontier

The APEX project is proceeding in three overlapping phases, starting with building the gun from scratch. In phase 0, now almost complete, the gun was designed by Russell Wells of t Fault detection & location he Engineering Division, fabricated in Berkeley Lab workshops, and installed in the Beam Test Facility at the Advanced Light Source. By December 15 of 2011 the RF fields were reliably performing at the nominal power, marking success for the project’s first fundamental milestone. Next the cathode load-lock mechanism will be installed; subsequently the gun’s vacuum performance will be verified.

Testing photocathode performance is already underway during the last stages of phase 0. As a first step, done in collaboration with a group at Brookhaven National Lab, the photocathode laser will be used to test a cathode amplifier made of diamond – not a source of electrons itself, but a way to multiply the number of electrons produced by a copper cathode three millimeters behind it; the performance of this promising diamond amplifier has never been measured in a RF gun, so the test will have scientific value in its own right. It’s also a good way to check the APEX system before tackling the challenges of multi-alkali antimonide cathodes.

Even as phase 0 is coming to an end, phase I has already begun. The emphasis is on rigorous proof of the photocathode candidates, the promising multi-alkali antimonides and the more robust cesium telluride. The other focus of phase I is testing beam quality at low energy, part of beam dynamics studies under postdoc Chris Papadopoulos.

After accelerating very quickly over a very short distance inside the gun, well-formed electron bunches (having low emittance, in accelerator-speak) leave the gun and enter the injector, the first stage of the accelerator itself. Since APEX is being tested in tight quarters – only three by 15 meters, with limited shielding – the bunches can be accelerated to at most 30 MeV (30 million electron volts), instead of the 70-100 MeV that will be required of a working injector operating in a FEL. During phase I the test won’t achieve even this energy: initially the beam will be kept at the energy of the bunches as they leave the gun, three quarters of an MeV.

However, says Sannibale, “We can only claim victory if we can demonstrate beam quality at higher energy.” That’s the main goal of phase II, which will test beam quality – emittance, bunch length, bunch charge, energy spread, and brightness – at 30 MeV. “Although we won’t be testing at the full energy required by a real injector, it will be high enough to show beam quality. Space charge forces will be sufficiently small to allow for a reliable characterization of the beam.”

Since its inception six years ago APEX has made significant progress. An electron gun that operates at radio frequency in continuous wave mode to produce a high-quality beam at an unprecedented repetition rate – it’s a concept that’s well on the road to final proof.

“APEX-style injectors will provide the front ends for a new generation of light sources, including Berkeley Lab’s own proposal for a facility with up to 10 FELs, 20 x-ray beamlines, and repetition rates up to a hundred thousand times a second for each. Each FEL will be independently tunable for wavelength, pul Vending Telemeter se length, polarization, and other experimental requirements,” Sannibale says. “APEX is the front end of an accelerator, but it’s at the forefront of a whole new way of doing photon science.”

Images: Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory photo by Roy Kaltschmidt

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