#I have to email my teachers help

[skitskatdacat63]

"Non paeniteo potitus."

+ details & process

And, process !!

The jump btwn the second to last and last always surprise me whenever I make one of these because I always forget to take snapshots after I start painting. It's always like: oh yeah heres the lineart with some colors- BOOM fully finished✨️

What he's holding are the Austrian imperial scepter and orb, seen below:

I was going to draw the crown too but decided I don't hate myself that much(maybe some other day), and gave him a golden laurel crown, bcs I'm obsessed with that as a motif, and also its very remincient of the boy king statue that started this whole thing!

There's some symbolism of this, both intentionally but also just historically. I love that the orb represents that the monarch is holding the world in their hand, basically every old monarchy has one of those, and I think it's very cool for symbolism. But also bcs of that, I was forced to basically draw catholic fanart so, you win some you lose some. The star halo above him head is both to reference those religious statues with star crowns(I saw them a lot in Europe and they imprinted onto my brain), as well as: his four championships of course!

#TL: 'I don't apologize for winning' 🤭🤭🤭 #^ was gonna find some old latin quote to put but was like. oh yeah of course !!! #noy sure if its entirely correct. kinda wanted to email my hs latin teacher to ask but i finished this too late at night #anyways please dont let this flop SKDKLGLVLV #im really proud of it okah 😭😭😭 it was actually so much fun and enjoyable and nice etc dtc #i questioned to myself earlier abt why my chibi art always gets more notes than my detailed art #and i realized. like unless youve been following the lore of my blog. this isnt even recognizable as f1 fanart SJFKLVLV #but thats okay because its my niche brainrot au and i will do what i want >:) #the hair and the relics are def my proudest part of this #i mentioned before but i have trouble yknow translating irl stuff or complicated stuff into drawing #but all of this came really smoothly to me in a very unexpected way #god his hair is just sooooo its ssoooooooo!!!!!!!!! i wanna pet him 🥹 #but i think it def helped that i kept posting the process on my close friends #and my two irl friends(as well as some friends on here! ty!!) encouraged me a lot abt it so :D #but anyways yep pls take my brainrot art 🙏🙏 it took me 13+ hours in the span of like 3 days basically #f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #catie.art. #boy king au

[szappan]

university.. university leave me alone

#heres the situation: for my cognitive literary studies class (quite fun) we had to pick primary material and a cognitive angle to analyse it #from. and the deadline was coming up and i who have been thinking very intensely about robots for the last half a year picked #yeah you guessed it. fucking PIERS PLOWMAN. which is not fun for me but i panicked about the deadline #so now i have to do something about piers plowman and its cognitive literary properties #and im in hell this is hell i have been extremely stressed about piers plowman for a month. to the point where ive been in physical pain #AND I CANNOT. THINK OF ANYTHING. ABOUT PIERS PLOWMAN. #and the teacher for that class is so nice and chill and she was like you can pick anything at all. and i went with piers plowman #like it's interesting but from what COGNITIVE angle can i approach piers plowman. #ive been thinking about saying exactly this that piers plowman is more for historical linguists and theologists than narratologists but im #also positive plenty of scholars read piers plowman for the plot #so then i thought about the characters and whether you can Connect with them and whether they help you Immerse yourself in the story and #other terminology i learned in cognitive literary studies class. #theyre allegorical and very 1 dimensional and there could be something about whether we from 2024 understand them in the same way #people from the 14th century did. like this was what i put in my proposal when i made it #but now i actually have to make the slides and use cognitive literary papers for this and it's just not going at all. i cant do it. #i cant do anything i cant enjoy the daylight and the warmer weather i cant think about anything other than im not making progress on this #and it's bad for me!! it's bad for my health i feel bad. why did i go with piers plowman why did i not pick watership down #my post #i have plenty to say about watership downm cognitively. #also about old possums book of practical cats #maybe i could email her and tell her id like to change it.. no #ive also been reading the tombs of atuan which is incredible

[silenthillbunni]

📓🖊️🌧️🌫️

#just... ugh! im so frustrated nd need to vent a bit #sadly.. smth i havent accepted yet is that having avpd will be constant thru my life and it will have ups and downs #i had a pretty long run of not being *that* avoidant #for 2 weeks now i'm back in that suuuuuper avoidant place #like super avoidant. i dont even go for walks or go to the grocery store. or send emails to my teachers (important!!!!) #i cant look at anything thats important. i dont even clean my room T-T #this is the 2nd week im skipping school which is v bad. nd i havent done anything on my assignment in the course i need to finish in march #i dont open messages or reply to anyone bc i just cant it gives me too much anxiety #im simply avoiding EVERYTHING #and it's such an awful place to be stuck in i hate it so so so so much #worst part is I HAVE NO FKN IDEA HOW TO BREAK FREE!!!!!!! #i've never gotten any treatment for my avpd nd there is actually no information or research online so idk how to handle it #i just wait and simmer in this fkn.... sucky ass soup mess nd wait nd wait #until suddenly it just loosens nd i can start doing things here nd there #the problem is. i dont rlly have time #i dont have time to sit and wait!!! i have time sensitive responsibilities that i risk ruin if i dont do them #i just have no idea HOW to do anything rn. bc it doesnt work to just force myself to do them #it doesn work to make lists or schedules #it suxxx that there isnt rlly any treatment or accessible tips for how to deal w avpd bc im rlly... #im alone... out in the open sea... no one around as far as the eye can see... no life raft. no help skskksks #anyway #ig all i can do is wait nd *try* to do small things as much as i can nd hope i'll get less avoidant soon #i just hate this so much. i always feel so awful nd terrible nd it's so bad ugh

[cassmouse]

I think I might want to write a 40 page essay comparing the representation of female characters in the Scott Pilgrim graphic novels vs the film

#it's just so interesting to me #like in many many ways it's much better in the graphic novels?? #Ramona quite literally gets to fight her own battles #redeem herself #all of that yk?? #as well as that people like envy adams are much more human #she gets such an interesting and sad arc in the final comic it's amazing #and KNIVES I don't even have to start with knives but the film did her so dirty #AND ROXIE??? SHE WAS. SHE WAS SO OVERLY SEXUALISED HELP IT WAS AWFUL?? #and her being my favourite evil ex and favourite character in the animated series I absolutely have to say something here #anyway I find it interesting because the film was literally made in a BETTER socio political climate than the books #it was 2005 for fucks sake #the film was 2010 #anyway it's really interesting to me and I think I genuinely will write this??? #maybe I'll email it to my media studies teacher lmao #scott pilgrim #scott pilgrims finest hour #Scott pilgrim graphic novels #graphic novel #scott pilgrims precious little life #Ramona Flowers #knives chau #roxie richter #envy adams #scott pilgram vs the world

[carcarrot]

well everyone now that sparkstember is over i can now devote my energy to being insane in other still sparks-related ways

#planning my next projects #on the one hand glad to not have to get a whole video done in the span of like 2 hours every day #on the other hand it was a fun creative challenge that gave me a sense of purpose. it was fun #but i need to keep myself busy as we descend into winter and ✨seasonal depression✨ #if i dont get it done today over the next couple days im going to make something silly for goofball's upcoming birthday #and then once that's done i dont know. i want to get back to work on my screenplay and try to FINISH IT!! but idk how long that'll take #i also have to finally finish watching that film course i bought oops. maybe ill start it over #and then????????? #i have a vague Idea of a possible short film i could make. that would also be like a kind of prequel to my Main Film Idea #and its something i could actually reasonably do as a short film and its not like insanely big budget like every other idea i have is #and I'm debating abt emailing my old film teacher and being like heyyyyy maybe you could help me make this short film???? #but id want to have this idea way more planned out and written before then. but OUGH WRITING ANOTHER SCREENPLAY??? #WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED MY FIRST ONE??? sigh. #the road to making my Big Great Movie is long and arduous. will we get there. who knows #oh also debating abt writing a letter to those silly guys. but i don't knowwwww #OH lmao i keep forgetting to mention i finally got my passport (it actually came earlier than expected) #so like. goodbye everyone im heading to the sydney opera house on halloween (JOKE i am not that insane. but i wish i could)

[chialattea]

people will be so understanding of mental illnesses/ ND until they spend more time with a person who can’t get rid of the symptoms and suddenly it’s all “I think you could fix it if you just put some alarms” “have you tried doing a todo list” “have you tried simply not thinking those intrusive thoughts” gee thanks man you know who else finds living with this shit annoying? ME.

#chia’s life #genuinely fuck off #shout out to the teacher who when told I was ND said “maybe you should drop out and let someone better take your place #legit was like some people simply don’t belong in academia #woah thanks!!! #so sorry I have ADHD woman should I just kill myself #like is that it #I wasn’t even asking for anything #just some accommodations for a completely unrelated topic #and this woman was like oh I gotta make sure she knows shes worthless #I started crying on this woman’s office and she even enjoyed it #kept berating me for not living up to the standard #and being unfair to my classmates who /did/ work hard #and that I should feel ashamed of myself #lmao #remembered this because she sent me an email going #hey it’s been a while I’m still your tutor come talk to me #and I’ll help you decide your future #ma’am you told me I was too stupid to have a future #fuck off

[guinevereslancelot]

i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔

#i was telling her abt the preschool i got hired at and i was like yeah im worried bc the other teacher doesn't seem nice #and the student teacher ratio is really bad they're really understaffed and underfunded im just really worried it will be too much for me #and she was like oh you should apply to the school i work at bc we're hiring snd the ratio is great and the pay might be better also #and i never knew the name of the school she worked at until then #and its one i DID apply to but i told them nevermind after this one hired me 😬 #but now i really wish i'd taken that interview #i'm going to call or email first thing on monday tho and hopefullyyy i can get in for an interview before i start my new job on thursday #so i wont literally have to take time off for it #and then if they offer me i will be able to tell the new job nevermind while its still early #either that or i'll try to stick it out a few months then apply to the other one for summer or something #but im not sure whether its best to quit immediately or let them think im dependable and staying then leave in three months lol #but mostly for the other job idk if it would ruin the opportunity to tell them nevermind i want the job a week after i said no #compared to a few months later #they might have forgotten me by then which would probably be good #idkkk #my first reference literally works there which will hopefully help and maybe they'll give me a break #the pay scale looks the same as the one i just accepted but i think they'll offer less bc they're not as desperate #but i literally dont care its such a better working environment #and the pay scale is the same so they would give me a raise after a few months #and the work will be so much easier #and the commute #and i Definitely know i can work with my friend #vs the co teacher at this new job who seems really intense and unfriendly #anyway!! #im really anxious abt this new job and i'll stay if the other place wont take me now #but i really hope they give me another chance #also its super close and easy drive and the commute for the other one scares me a bit lol #this has been a shitpost

[be-gay-do-crime-ahaha]

Holy fucking shit the dysphoria is dysphoria-ing right now. I feel physically nauseous oh my fucking god. I’m gonna fucking kill someone maybe myself rn I’m gonna lose my shit holy hell.

Doesn’t help that I’ve been incredibly overstimulated the past few days every sound is like a fucking cheese grater in my ears oh my god.

#dysphoria #gender dysphoria #sensory processing disorder #tw emetophobia #for the nausea mention #idk if that’s needed or not #but yeah I’m about to tear off my fucking skin and jump off a building I am losing my fucking mind #it’s so over #lmao my brain is fucked i genuinely wanna off myself over this shit #and my mother keeps refusing to even entertain the idea of getting my name changed on the school role #even though all my teachers and friends call me Alex and that’s what I’ve been going by for a few years now #and it would make things significantly easier for everyone because it would fix my email name as well #so that’s not helping #and she was talking about my period and being all “it’s okay all WOMEN get these ❤️ you’re just becoming a beautiful woman #and now she keep being rude to my sister because she uses men’s deodorant (because it works better) and doesn’t really wear dresses #(because she finds them annoying and inconvenient) #and is being all “hurr durr you’re copying your SISTER stop being so masculine” #like fucking hell #shit talking me and harassing my sister all at once #man I want to fucking kill myself im so done with this shit #and I’m so overdue on school work and I feel so overwhelmed and stressed this fucking sucks #and I know the school work and stuff is fully my fault for forgetting and slacking off but I can’t bring myself to do them because the #stress of fucking up and just how much of it I have to do is pushing me to my damn limit #I can’t even bring myself to start on my film and media assignment that’s a week overdue because I’m so fucking stressed just thinking about #it and I’m so overwhelmed I can’t fucking do this. I just can’t. and I know I’m at fault for procrastinating and being too lazy and stressed #to bring myself to start working on it #and things are just gonna get more and more difficult #so yeah. rant over I guess. sorry guys #did not mean to rant in the tags this much dysphoria is just killing me and so is general stress #tw suicidal thoughts

[stargazeraldroth]

How am I supposed to go from being ridiculed and judged for asking for help with my assignments/lessons in primary school to casually asking for help in college?? Am I supposed to act like my teachers and classmates didn’t screw me up in the head or

#college things #primary school things #no seriously #we were getting screamed at and made teachers disappointed if we did so much as ask for a simpler explanation or a repeat #and you expect me to casually ask my professors questions about my assignments??? #emailing them is out of the question #they're gonna think I'm an idiot #which I am but no one needs to know that #it's so humiliating #shoutout to all the teachers and classmates who made me feel like a failure for not understanding everything right away #school trauma #I literally struggled to post ANONYMOUSLY on a discussion board once because I felt so stupid for asking a question #it doesn't help that I'm neurodivergent #and have a math disability #like it got so bad to the point where I was offended by people offering me help #because I was being indirectly told that needing help with your education is bad and that I should be ashamed #not to mention having the determine which classmates are nice and which ones will ruin your image if you ask for help #part of why I prefer working alone because I can't deal with that embarrassment #also yes this post helped me realize that school did in fact traumatize me in at least one way

[thestarlightforge]

I’m trying so hard to hold it together, y’all. But I’m nearing the point of constant travel, social demands, stressful situations and work for such a sustained period with almost no break or personal time—all right after the end of graduate school, keep in mind—that I’m finding it difficult to continue functioning at all. I pulled a muscle in my back from exhaustion last week, but was forced to just keep going. I can barely even sleep anymore. I love my family, I love my jobs. But it’s getting bad, I won’t lie

Update: I love y’all ❤️‍🩹

#I hit a point of exhaustion where I laid down for 2 mins & crashed for 2 hrs #but I was in and out of #nightmares #the entire time #what sleep I’m getting is no longer restful because I have so much stress #currently fighting with a friend and my teacher on top of everything else #social anxiety #so debilitating that checking email rn makes me nauseated #all I want is a day to sit alone and relax and write my fanfiction #or do any individual activity #without being asked to go anywhere #or being fussed at by someone #it wouldn’t totally fix the problem. but it might help #mental illness #mental health #stress #disability #disabled #ableism #cptsd #ptsd #anxiety #social anxiety disorder #generalized anxiety disorder #depression #intrusive thoughts #there are so many problems with #accessibility #boundaries #not all of them are their fault. but the gaps in understanding get exhausting. & I have to insist on more limits even when ppl get mad

[arthur-r]

falling asleep worked i did it for three hours. now what i’m still tired i just also wasted the day and looked stupid to my roommate….

#like im glad i slept but also. same problems as before #although my french teacher emailed me back said i should go to office hours. which is a proper response to my email #wikipedia guy texted me back with details like an hour after i texted but also like two or three hours ago #gonna settle the score by bringing a $20 bill tomorrow then i won’t feel so weird and guilty #but no i feel so fucking stupid and gross for like. i was crying so close to my roommate so i had to fall asleep #or else i’d be standing up with tears in my eyes next to my roommate which is worse #but i just. i dont know. like he thinks i’m just lazy. i’m always asleep i never tell him why #i dont know. good morning i hope everyone is doing well #there are two people i usually get dinner with and one is out of town and the other i think his parents are here and also things are weird #translation things aren’t weird i’m just weird and feel guilty for being such a weird person #anyway i just. college?? what am i doing here???? #i talked to my mom this morning she says that she felt the same way during college and that she should have dropped out way earlier #which. not helpful?? what do i do after i drop out?? i am someone who can’t hold a normal part time job and my only HOPE is ending up being #i mean anything really just something that requires a lot of prior experience!! #and the college is paying me really good to go to school but only if i stay full time #so i cant just lower my course load because that will actually make everything worse instead of better #idk. going to french teachers office hours tomorrow and will figure out time for linguistics teacher too and will get my LIS grade back up #(that one is just simple that one is i missed two discussion posts but there are ten more to come and also tests and stuff. i’ll be ok) #idk. and i still want to go to my LIS teachers office hours and ask how he became professor of rare books print culture and information bias #that is a good set of things to be a scholar for. and he’s curating collections at the same time as being my teacher #so idk. professors don’t seem as stupid and uppity as they used to. and i think i want to do that someday #plus with the salary jump from librarian i can feasibly become a major donor to local libraries to keep that influence around shdhdf #(although. if i get paid by the school (!!) to get a phd in print culture who says i don’t become a fancy librarian with that??) #i dont know. this is so stupid because i get so excited about the prospects and then i go back to the present and i’m flunking out of school #my grades haven’t been this bad since the height of COVID i thought something about me had gotten better but apparently not #like literally who went and made me traumatized?? why did you have to do that?? now i can’t be a normal person?? shut up!!!! #idk. just feel like if i weren’t having panic attacks about the fact that people are safe and kind here (and therefore must be hiding their #true intentions and taking advantage of me) then maybe i would have remembered to take my french test #idk. i’m tired and want to go home. sorry for venting all day i hope everyone is doing okay #vent cw

[hearts-hunger]

//

#i feel SO gross and weird and anxious about my stupid job #the person i reached out to that i thought would help me or at least back me up completely blew me off #so there goes that relationship/mentorship that i thought i could depend on #and now i have to go reach out to somebody else who patronizes me every single time he talks to me #all to see if i literally even have a fucking job #teacher work days start in less than two weeks and i don't have a fucking contract!!!!!! #it's been a complete shit show all summer trying to get ANY information much less any commitment on their part #and i'm sick of it and i feel like i'm gaslighting myself into thinking i'm the problem #like ''oh you just haven't given them enough time'' or whatever #the truth is they should have had this shit nailed down in february. at the very least by the time last school year ended #it's fucking JULY!!!! school starts in THREE WEEKS!!!!!!! #so yeah i hate confrontation and i hate being assertive and i hate being made to be assertive in confrontation #but i have to be because i'm not going to let them treat me like shit because it did good work for them and i deserve some basic respect #ANYWAYS. rant over. going to write this email and uhhhh throw up probably idk #maddie.txt

[slippery-minghus]

okay!! i'm doing it!!!! first baby step towards a legal name change has been taken!!!!

#was born on the literal other side of the continent and i need to figure out how to change my birth certificate #i emailed a pride org in that state to see what they can do #i remember when i was actively in my transition there were case manager type folks who could help with that #but that was also in a state i no longer live #it doesn't seem too hard where i live now but i want to go back as far as my birth cert #my legal deadname has always been an anchor to me. long before i knew i was trans #i've always hated that name and hated having it be branded onto me #i've never been (legal name). never. not even by my parents when i was in trouble #only teachers who didn't know me yet and doctors.... so people bound to be disrespectful tbh #so i have literally zero positive associations with that name. and plenty of negative ones #it will feel so good to get rid of it #i resent my parents for many things but branding me with a name they never even fucking intended to call me is pretty high up there #narrating my life

[zeezu-ix]

textual analysis i hate you... ohhhh how i hate you

#if i could draw pictures as my analysis i so would. i can do a mean (and sexy) spider diagram #like i cannot write paragraphs unless its like. me talking #I NEED TO ASK MY TEACHER FOR HELP SO BAD BUT MY ANXIETY IS ALSO. EQUALLY SO BAD. #ive redrafted an email to send him like 3 times and i cant even write that i dont even know what I'd ask to be honest #AND URGH THIS IS COLLEGE THEY EXPECT ME TO KNOW HOW TO DO STUFF LIKE THIS BY NOW. #this is about my subway surfers analysis post from yesterday. i still havent written a single thing #i have..bullet points. about the music but thats it

[carcarrot]

alright we're okay. it's all going to work out and happen. ive got my short film idea. i just have to make it absolutely perfect and then we're good to go

#my short film idea is a kinda sorta prequel kinda. to my Big Main Film Idea #essentially its just a little bit of silly backstory to a character that gets no backstory in the feature film #and this character is making a short film. and im playing the character. so im making a short film abt someone making a short film. #when i was first writing my Main Film Idea i was like ok yeah this character that im thinking of playing is obviously based on and like me #but as time went on i was like ah fuck. theres parts of me in every damn character #the good news is that this short film idea should be relatively cheap to make. im thinking of having only one filming location #and i could get a deal filming there bc i used to work there (my old cafe) so renting out the space might be cheaper #im not sure yet abt cameras. im thinking abt emailing my old film teacher and being like. hey. would you wanna help me make my film #i think he has some film cameras himself or if not he knows a lot of film people #but since this is essentially a one man (its me im the man) show i dont really need other actors. but im working on that #another problem of potentially many is that if and when this gets done. now what #ive got zero clue abt where to like. send my short film to be shown or whatever but maybe my film teacher could help w that! #before i do any of this i am going to finally finish that filmmaking course i bought. and then see where we go from there #but this still needs a lot of writing bc i havent done any screenplay work for this yet #and thus obviously havent storyboarded anything #i gotta get Organized <- least organized person on this earth #wish me luck that this will lead me on the path to my dream movie. we can all hope

[arielmagicesi]

hey, do you want to lose money AND your will to live all for the opportunity to make very little money doing a job that everyone warns you will sap you of your will to live? try applying for teacher certification oh my GOD

#i feel like the world's rudest idiot because i finally went full 'i want to speak to your manager' on the njedcert people #because i had no other options!!!!! #and after a while of trying i got a phone call from an extremely nice woman (apparently the only reasonable person who works there) #who was so helpful and nice and finally told me all the information i should have been given 3 months ago #i guess if i wasn't dealing with [redacted family emergency things] #and if i had a degree in the NJEdCert Portal from Bureaucratic Bullshit University #then all of this would have been sooo obvious and i wouldn't have needed to call and email everybody on earth #begging them to explain things to me #but like. it is weird how confusing it is! it is weird how much effort i had to put in! #i'm a young millennial! i should not have had this much trouble navigating this online portal or whatever the fuck! #THERE IS A TEACHER SHORTAGE. THIS SHOULDN'T REQUIRE THE TWELVE LABORS OF HERCULES TO FIGURE OUT #aaaaahhhhh it's fine it's FINE!!! it's fine #i spent so much money and screamed a lot. not at the people working there. just during my nightmares #but it's fine. i can finally get the certification to do the unpaid student teaching so i can maybe later get a different certification #to do the paid teaching. which i'm sure will pay so so great #and so equivalent to the effort i put in and the way i'll be treated at that job #the new jersey education system is lucky that teaching is my 1 passion and that i'm really good at it and that i love it #because otherwise i would've given up and become the joker by now #written by me