#I have so much I want to do but I’m always exhausted
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The Family Business Ch. 10
WandaNat x Reader
Word count: 3.4k
Ch.Notes: no notes this ch
Summary: Natasha and Wanda have a talk about their feelings for you. After that emotional conversation they meet you at the hospital to visit Dragos.
An: If I were to say things get more real next chapter how would you feel...
Series Masterlist | Masterlist
The rest of the work day drags for Natasha and Wanda. Both women having other things on their mind. However, with Kate and Y/n out of the office on a hectic day like this, they couldn’t afford to dwell too much.
“Sestra, can we call it a day? I've never taken this many calls in my life,” Pietro barges into his sisters office.
“If you want to go home, then go,” she waves her hand dismissively at him.
“What’s got you so snappy?”
When Wanda’s eyes meet Pietro she’s glaring at him, “If you haven’t noticed I’m trying to run the company our father built on my own.”
Pietro raises his brow, “On your own? Discrediting my work is normal for you, but to act as if Y/n wasn’t running this place last night is bullshit.”
“Well she’s not here now,” Wanda mumbles under her breath.
“Why? Where is she?”
Wanda can’t hide the small clench in her jaw, “Kate took her home. She wasn’t feeling well.”
“She’s in good hands sestra if that’s what's worrying you,” Pietro tries to console her.
Wanda doesn’t want to speak about it any further, “I’m going to see papa whenever I’m done with this do you want to come?”
The way that Pietro's goofy features turn serious never cease to amaze Wanda, “I can’t tonight, I have a date.”
Wanda rolls her eye, “You’d rather get laid than see our father?”
Pietro shakes his head, “No, but this isn’t just some girl. I want this to be serious and I can’t afford to stand her up.”
The red head is slightly surprised, but she nods along, “I’ll tell him about it, I bet he’d be glad to hear you taking something seriously for once.”
He chuckles a bit before going quiet. He looks at Wanda similar to the way a needy child looks at their parent.
“Do you think he’ll wake up?”
“He has too,” the words are heavy as they leave her lips. She has a small smile placed on her face as she continues, “Mama will kill him if he doesn't.”
“Don’t work too hard sestra,” he speaks sincerely taking his leave.
“Enjoy your date,” Wanda says as he walks out of the door.
When he leaves she lets out a heavy sigh. For the first time today she lays her head down on her desk, exhaustion starting to plague her.
Thoughts of her responsibilities as the person in charge rain down on her. This was the end goal that she wanted, but never at this great of cost. She wished her father would wake up and reclaim his place because she didn’t feel ready.
She was focusing as hard as she could, but her mind always strays to her brother’s best friend. Your delicate skin pressing against hers in the morning or the strong arms that wrapped around her waist, or those doe eyes that she could sense staring at her.
Wanda debates for a moment before pulling out her cell phone and dialing the girl. It rings for a while before there's finally an answer.
“Hello.”
“Hey, little krolik. I just wanted to check on you. Nat told me you went home today,” Wanda keeps her tone level.
You sigh on the other end of the line, “I’m ok. I think I just got a little overwhelmed. I’m sorry for stepping out, I know that's not how we do business.”
“It’s no different than me leaving yesterday. This line of work takes a toll on you.”
She can’t see it, but you nod, “I’m feeling better now. I still want to go see pa- Dragos. Maybe I could have Kate drop me off and I’ll meet you two there?”
“You’re with Kate?” Wanda can’t stop herself from asking the question.
“Yeah she took me home and decided to keep me company,” you say nonchalantly.
“I could’ve taken you,” Wanda tries to play it cool.
You disagree with her, “I didn't want to bother you while you were working. It was a hectic day, truth be told I didn't even want to leave.”
Wanda’s tone is strong as she speaks, “I will never be too busy for you Y/n.”
“Wanda-”
“I mean it. I know I’m supposed to move past it, but I missed a lot while I was gone. I couldn’t be there for you like I wanted to. Now that I’m back I’d like to be there for you as much as I can. I still want to be the one you lean on,” Wanda let herself be vulnerable with you.
You were taken aback by her admission. It felt like it was impossible for you to come up with a response. It wasn’t like she was saying something you hadn't heard from her before, but her words felt heavier somehow.
“I know you'll be there for me, Wanda . You don't have to prove it.”
Wanda frowns lightly, “I’m not trying to prove anything. I’m just- it’s hard knowing I’m not the first person you come to when you’re in need. I know you've grown out of needing people for the most part, but I don’t know. I’m not making any sense. Nat and I will meet you at the hospital.”
Wanda doesn't give you a chance to respond as she hangs up the phone. She scolds herself about how needy she sounded during the call.
“I think I’m finished up for today, whenever you’re ready to go,” Natasha strolls into the office.
Wanda stares at the computer screen for a moment, “I should be ready in half an hour.”
Natasha plops down on the couch of her wife’s office. It’s silent for a moment until Nat shifts on the couch which makes noise fill the office.
“So, do you want to talk about it?”
“ About what?” Wanda keeps her attention on the screen.
“What I said about being jealous of Kate?”
Wanda’s brow furrows, “Not particularly.”
Natasha strides over to the woman’s desk chair and places herself in Wanda’s lap. Wanda’s arms loop around the woman’s waist holding her in place.
“We need to talk about this moya lyubov,” the spy places gentle kisses on the base of Wanda’s neck.
The other woman whines, “Why?”
“Because we’re married and you’re in love with Y/n,” Natasha states plainly.
Wanda rolls her eyes, “You were jealous too.”
Natasha nods, “I was and I don’t have a problem admitting it.”
Wanda’s face buries itself in the crook of Natasha’s neck, “So what does this all mean?”
“I like her too,” Natasha states bluntly.
“ I don’t want to lose you,” Wanda’s voice is small as she speaks to her wife.
Natasha softly places her hand on Wanda’s chin, forcing their eyes to meet, “You will never lose me Wanda. I married you because I’m completely, utterly, madly in love with you. That feeling hasn’t gone anywhere.”
“I love you too,” Wanda’s eyes shine as they bore into Natasha’s.
“ I think we should think about what it would be like to add Y/n into our relationship dynamic,” Natasha speaks, but it sounds like a question.
Wanda tenses briefly, “I can admit that I have feelings for Y/n, but I don’t know if I can act on these feelings Nat.”
“Why not?”
Wanda closes her eyes, “I’ve known her too long, Nat. She’s the same age as my little brother, not to mention she's his best friend. If she doesn’t feel the same way, this will ruin everything.”
“Detka-”
“I don’t know if it’s better or worst that we both want her. How would we even tell her Natasha? I don’t want to lose anymore time with her,” Wanda begins to get emotional.
Natasha cups her wife’s face in both of her hands, “Baby, I know you’re scared. This is scary, I’ve never been in a situation like this, I don’t have all the answers. All I know is that you love her and I think I could too. We’ve spent so much of our lives sacrificing for others, but I’m ready to sacrifice something for my own sake, aren’t you?”
“I am, but not at the expense of my relationship Y/n. I just got her back, Natasha. I’m not saying I never want to tell her, but I can’t do this now,” Wanda tries to turn her head away from her wife.
Natasha doesn’t let her, but instead places a soft kiss on her wife’s lips. Wanda relaxes under Natasha’s touch, feeling all of the stress of the day seeping out of her body.
“ Don’t hide from me, Wanda. I want you to share your feelings, I won’t ever judge you,” Natasha whispers against the taller woman’s lips.
“I don’t want to disappoint you. I know you’re ready but-”
Natasha shakes her head, “It’s not just about me, it’s about us. I don’t want to push you to do anything you aren’t ready for. If you want to pursue Y/n, I’m with you, but if you don’t, I'm still with you.”
Wanda nods softly, “I want to, but I- I need time.”
Natasha kisses her again, “Whenever you’re ready baby. Now finish up so we can go.”
“You’re not going to move?” Wanda questions her wife.
Natasha lets out an exasperated sigh, “ You can’t work around me?”
Wanda scoots herself into the desk. She slightly pushes Natasha to press into her further. The spy’s head is in the nape of Wanda’s neck.
“I can and if I’m being honest it’s my preferred method of doing work,” Wanda begins to focus on the computer again.
She works diligently with her wife in her lap. Having Natasha there makes her work go by a little faster and feel a lot less stressful. She finishes up within the hour.
Once she’s done Wanda shoots a text to Y/n saying that they were headed to the hospital. The girl replies saying she’ll meet them there.
Natasha drives, one hand on the wheel and the other holds Wanda’s hand. Her thumb caresses the back of the passengers hand trying to provide comfort, knowing that this was not an easy task for her.
Wanda had only visited her father once. She hated seeing him in such a fragile state. It almost didn't feel like he was her father. He couldn’t be the same man that took her to the city fair, the same mam that placed flowers in her hair, the man that invested his entire life in her dreams, it couldn’t be. This wasn’t the man that kept her safe from her nightmares, because looking at him in this state was beginning to feel like one.
When they arrived they went inside the building.
“If you don’t tell me what room he is in you won't live to the end of the week to regret it,” you argue with the receptionist.
Kate’s behind you her hand resting on your shoulder trying to pull you out of the conflict.
“It’s family only mam, one more outburst and I will have security throw you out,” the receptionist said causing a vein to pop in your neck.
“Is there a problem here?” Natasha speaks up first.
“Nothing that concerns you,” the receptionist snaps at the spy.
You interrupt, “You don't talk to her like that.”
Before things escalate any further Wanda slams her hand on the receptionist’s desk with her card under her palm.
“Now tell me what room my father is in, “ Wanda’s eyes look fiery as she stared at the receptionist.
The receptionist looks at the card bestie her eyes go wide, “Terribly sorry for the mix up Mrs. Maximoff, didn’t know she was in your company.”
Wanda peers down at the receptionist, “You’re lucky I’m feeling generous today. I don't ever want to hear you address either of these ladies in a disrespectful manner again.”
“Yes, Mrs. Maximoff sorry about that. It won’t happen again. He’s in room 286,” the receptionist looked ten sizes smaller.
You can’t help but give the woman a death glare as you head towards the elevator. Kate stops you on the way.
“I’m going to head home are you going to be alright?” Her eyes subtly glance in Wanda and Natasha’s direction.
“I’ll be fine Katie,” you reassure her.
“Ok just checking. Text me later and make sure you're taking care of yourself,” Kate pulls you into a tight hug.
The sound of someone clearing their throat ends your hug with the doe eyed girl. Kate smiles at you upon the release of the hug, she then waves goodbye, leaving you with the married couple.
“And you’re sure you and Kate aren’t dating?” Wanda can’t help, but comment.
You roll your eyes, “Positive, Katie and I are just friends.”
“What did you do after you left work ?”
You all pile into the elevator as you answer, “Nothing really. We just watched some tv and ordered some food. How was it at the office?”
Wanda goes to answer but Natasha stops her, “No work talk out of the office.”
“Well then what are we going to talk to Dragos about?” You attempt to joke in hopes of brightening the mood.
“ You can call him Papa you know?” Wanda takes her time looking at you.
“I know-”
She cuts you off, “Mama too.”
You nod to yourself, “I know, it’s just not my normal.”
Natasha speaks up, “It honestly feels like you’re fighting against their names when you say them. Mama and Papa sound natural coming from you."
“It feels like they are my parents.”
“They are,” Wanda grabs onto your hand as you approach Dragos’ room.
The air feels different when you enter the room. It’s hard to look at him in such a state. He lies still on the hospital bed with machinery hooked up to him. There are less machines than originally, but still too many in your eyes.
Flora sits by the side of the bed with her hand in his. The view is somber, it takes nearly everything in you not to cry. Almost as if she can sense the tension building in your body, Wanda squeezes your hand.
“How’s he been Mama?” Wanda’s moved closer to her mother’s side, dragging you with her.
“The same, but the doctors are saying that's a good thing for now at least,” she sighs heavily.
“And how are you Mama?” You ask looking over the woman’s features.
Flora sends you a small smile, “I’m tired sweetheart, but I’ll live.”
“Have you been going home?” Wanda questions further.
“To shower and change clothes.”
Wanda’s voice takes a stern tone, “Mama, you need to rest.”
The older woman shakes her head, “I can't leave him for too long.”
“He wouldn’t want you spending all your time here,” you say softly.
“It’s not about what he wants for once. If he didn’t want me here he would’ve listened when I told him going to meet Fisk alone was a bad idea,” she glares at her sleeping husband.
“I’ll have his head for this,” Wanda gets agitated at the mention of Kingpin.
“Blowing up the ports wasn’t enough?” Flora comments.
“Power move, just to prove that there are no cracks in our business affairs,” Wanda’s jaw sets.
Flora looks at her daughter, “He’s not going to take this lying down.”
“I know.”
You squeeze Wanda’s hand to reassure her, “ We’ll be ready for him."
Flora lets out a sad laughter, “You sound just like him Y/n.”
“ That’s a compliment for the ages. I hope I could be half of the person he is,” your gaze falls into your lap.
“You already are. You kids have always made us both so proud.”
You desperately want to ask more about Dragos’ condition, but you refrain. The conversation stays light as you reminisce about the man.
Natasha doesn't say much, but her presence does provide someone to share with. She's hearing most things about her father-in-law for the first time. She's getting a good look into the man he is.
She pays attention to the way you and Wanda both light up when sharing stories. It warms her heart to see the two of you looking genuinely happy for the first time in weeks.
When it’s time to go the mood drops a bit, but not too much. It’s when Natasha goes to follow Wanda and Y/n out of the room when Flora stops her.
“You make sure they're taking care of themselves,” Flora hugs the redhead and whispers in her ear.
Natasha nods, “I will Mrs.Maximoff.”
They head home after that, exhaustion finally catching up to them.
A small dilemma plagues your mind when you get home. Part of you wishes to go with Wanda and Natasha into their apartment where you know you can get a good night's rest. The other part of you tells you that you shouldn't make it a habit. It's a lose-lose situation.
Begrudgingly you decide to go to your own apartment.
“I’ll see you guys later,” you try and give a small goodbye.
Wanda grabs your forearm, “You can come over tonight, if you need to. No matter the time. Alright, little krolik?”
Your eyes shift over to Natasha who smile, showing agreement with her wife, “The door is always open for you.”
You struggle to keep your composure, “Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind.”
Your house feels extra empty as you enter. The weight of the day sets into your system. Getting ready for bed seems pointless as you know you won’t be getting any sleep.
Staring at the ceiling seems different, knowing that across the hall was the woman that you had spent your teen years pining over. Yet, knowing that she could love you didn’t make your heart flutter like it was supposed to. It sent an anxiety running through your chest.
You knew that she was probably curled up in the bed next to her wife. Her drop dead gorgeous, kind hearted, Russian spy, wife. A woman in a league of her own, in her own right.
The thought didn’t make you jealous, but it had an adverse effect on you. You wanted to be there, to be involved, to be a part of what they had.
You groan placing a pillow over your head in a dull effort to quiet your thoughts.
Your phone rings on the dresser and you pick it up, and mumble a hello with the pillow still over your head.
“Come over.”
“Natasha?”
There’s a hum over the line, “Yes, are you coming or do I need to come get you?”
You shuffle out of the bed, keeping the phone to your ear, “Is something wrong?”
“Well-"
She’s cut off by her wife, “Come to bed little krolik. I need the extra warmth.”
Natasha chuckles, “Wanda refuses to sleep in your absence. She’s getting a little grumpy.”
“ I’m not grumpy. Tell her to hurry,” Wanda argues with Natasha.
This makes your heart flutter like it’s supposed to, “Are you sure it’s ok Nat?”
“ Lisichka I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you back in our bed.”
You feel a blush take over your features as you exit your home.
“ Ok, open the door,” you murmur and it takes no time for the spy to let you into her home.
Natasha looks exhausted as she grabs you by the arm and drags you wordlessly to the bedroom.
Wanda’s already in the bed and when she sees you she does a grabbing motion towards you. You shake your head before climbing into the bed. She wraps her arm around your waist and snuggles closer to you.
“You sleep here now. It’s better for all of us,” She mumbles against your skin.
“Ok,” you don’t fight her on it, knowing she’d probably forget in the morning.
You look up at Natasha shyly. She still stands over the bed. In a similar fashion to Wanda, you stick out your arms for her.
Natasha grins as she climbs into your arms. You carefully drape your arm over the spy, resting your hand against her flat stomach.
For the second night in a row you find yourself comfortable in their bed. You all think about how you shouldn’t indulge in this feeling, scared it won’t last.
It’s like the couple can read your mind. Wanda’s hold on you tightens and Natasha turns to face you. They keep you safe in their embrace and the thoughts in your head quiet.
No one says anything, but you all feel it. There’s a shift in your relationship and you won’t be able to ignore it for much longer.
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after-class, simon ‘ghost’ riley.
cw; professor!simon, age gap, teacher-student, manipulation, oral, impact (spanking), size kink, degradation, rough sex.
your professor was harsh. grading-wise, he never let the smallest things slide. he docked points pettily, even for minor errors.
“thank you for your participation today, class dismissed.” as your classmates began to pack up, preparing for an exhausting day tomorrow. “but you,” he looks at you, standing in that small dress, in one of the front rows. “you will stay.”
your mouth was left slightly agape, brushing the hair out of your face as you questioned yourself. did you forget to submit an assignment? a discussion post overdue?
you nod slowly as the last people begin to make their way out the doors. he spoke from his desk, sitting on it as he motioned for you to come down, “what are you waiting for? here, come here.” he said it in a way that made you feel dumb. you made your way to him, fingernails digging into your palm, sure to leave marks.
you stood a few feet away from him, keeping an appropriate distance from simon. after all; he’s your professor.
“your research paper; it was lousy. i wouldn’t have expected it from you, to be honest,” he said bluntly, emotions weren’t very visible. he was just… neutral.
your face—on the other hand—was hot, a soft frown crept onto it as your head filled with thoughts. this was bad, but you couldn’t help but think of how long he must’ve thought about you and your paper. “i… professor riley, i honestly thought it was my best work,” you continued, “the writing was—”
he interrupted blatantly, and you slowly inched closer subconsciously. “simon. call me simon.” your fingers fiddled with your dress before nodding. “yes, sir—simon.”
you stood in front of him as you two sat in an awkward silence, while he examined your body. your dress was just too short, not appropriate for class, too much showing. his big hand reached out to your dress, gripping and tugging it as you watched silently. your eyes were wide, his eyes were half-lidded as he sat back. “dress code.”
it wasn’t a dress code. you have no dress code—he just wanted to touch you.
he exhaled and pinched his temples, “y’know,” he sighed, “you’re a great writer, you know what you’re doing. but this… it’s unacceptable,” you’re not used to letting him down like this, always making sure to do your best in all of your courses.
“you’re a big girl now. you’re borderline failing my course.”
you blink back tears as you dig your nails deeper into your palm. you’re so sensitive, can’t even take a bit of criticism. he continued speaking as you listened intently. his hand slowly crept its way to your leg as you watched shamefully, failing to stop the man.
“this could be bad for you, hm?” he asked, tilting his head. “i’m sure you wanna write in the future, don’t you?” he stood up, your tall professor towering over you, “you let me finish what i’ve started, and i could up your grade a bit.” he took advantage of the size difference, your height in comparison to him was, at the very least, small.
you hesitated to nod your head. he was a professor wanting to take advantage of a student; how vile is that?
“perfect.”
you stood there aimlessly before he gently took one of your hands into his own and guided it toward his zipper. he held your hand against his bulge, urging you to squeeze and give him a good rub.
simon lets out a low groan as you take his cock into your mouth. he cups your head gently, holding you in place as you begin to suck and lick on him.
his cock was thick, dragging in and out of your mouth as he pushed his hips back and forth, your warm throat taking him so well. he held the sides of your head, and you gagged around his ridiculous length each time he pushed into your mouth fully.
“disgusting. look at you.” he pistoned his cock deeper as your eyes welled with tears before they down your face. his fingers tangle in your hair before pushing your head further down, your nose nestled in the short hairs along the base of his girthy cock.
you needed air, you pulled off him abruptly as you coughed messily, catching your breath. your lips wrapped around his red, swollen tip perfectly while your hand stroked the base softly.
his hips start to move rhythmically, his cock sliding in and out of your mouth roughly. he grabs your head tightly and starts thrusting deeper into your throat, pushing past the back of your mouth. “take it all. just like that.” he continued to use your throat as a fleshlight.
simon’s cock throbs in your throat, his balls slapping against your chin. your head is pounding by now, your legs burn and your neck hurts. don’t forget what you’re doing this for.
“fuckin’ delicious, fuck.” he grinds against your face harder, his hips moving at a rapid pace as he approaches his climax.
he groans loudly, his hot seed shooting down your throat in powerful spurts. he pumps his thick cum deep into your mouth, filling it to the brim. he continues to hold you in place, his cock twitching as he unloads it all into your mouth. “swallow it all,” he said in between labored breaths, still softly thrusting himself into your mouth.
“what an angel you are, hm?” you choke and gag as he pulls out, a thick string of saliva connecting your lips to his cock. he pants heavily with a smile plastered on his face while looking down at you in satisfaction.
you’re bent over his desk as he delivers another painful strike across your ass, dress driven up to your hips as you squirmed. “you’re almost ready.” he said, big hand soothing your burning cheek.
“hurts s’bad, sir—simon!” you cried out while his thick fingers made its way to your cunt. his thumb sat on your slit as he massaged your clit through your panties, small cherries on all over them. his finger dipped into your underwear, running over your wetness as you felt shame wash over you.
doing all this just to not fail? letting your professor touch you like this—sucking him off while your friends were probably asleep. desperate was an understatement.
he played with your cunt ‘till you came all over him, poor thing can’t control your body, huh?
his thick cockhead tapped against your flush cunt, all sensitive and puffy from the abuse it’s suffered. you felt how big his cock was as it poked at your hole, his large hand guiding it up and dragging it all over your hole. he pushed into you as you cried in pain, tears rolling as he bottomed out inside of you. at least tried to.
his hands rest on your waist, gripping your hips as he fills you up to the hilt, groaning out disgusting degrading words, mumbling ‘bout how tight you are.
“god, you’re tight. such a little thing—takin’ your teacher like this,” he delivers a harsh strike to your soft ass, “knew you’d be up for it.”
he dragged his heavy cock out of you just to plunge it back in, deeper. “mr. ri—simon! s’too big! n-no, no, no, slow down!” you cried out loudly as he held you in place, making sure you took him all the way.
he chuckles softly and begins to thrust faster, his cock stretching you open as it slides in and out. he leans down to capture one of your nipples in between his index thumb, rolling and pinching harshly as he fucks you. “it's okay, you can take it. you’re gonna take it. you want a good grade.” his words reassuring, but also bits of condescension poked through.
salty tears fell onto his desk as your legs trembled from the overstimulating heat in your tummy.
simon picks up the pace, his hips slapping against you as he takes you harder and faster. he continues to roll your nipple, his free hand moving to grope your ass cheek. “tell your—tell your teacher how much you love his dick, tell me.”
this was odd. he knows it’s wrong, to do this with a student. he acknowledges it, yet he loves the power he has over you. you’re like a puppet.
you act like you don’t want it. you do. the way you suck him right back in, the way your gummy walls grip and squeeze his thick cock, you need this.
“love it… love it s’much! feels so good, simon…” you cried loudly, making sure he heard you.
his thrusts become deeper and harder, his cock hitting your deepest spots with each powerful stroke. simon’s free hand leaves your ass cheek to wrap around your throbbing clit, rubbing it roughly against your sensitive folds. each time his finger runs over your puffy clit, your walls tensed around him, practically choking his length. “that’s it… that’s it, cum for me.”
with a final, rough thrust, simon groans loudly as he empties himself deep inside you. he slows his movements, his cock pulsating rhythmically inside you. he looks down at you, affectionately stroking your hair. he holds you tightly, your bodies moving in a rhythm as he continues to pump his seed into you.
he thrusts a few more times, getting those last spurts of cum out.
“we can—we can discuss your grade tomorrow. how’s that sound?” his hand soothed your ass as you nodded.
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Retrieval
Alastor x Reader // word count 4.4k
Pt 3 to Spring Cleaning and Clean Slate
In which you attempt to leave.
Tags/warnings: yandere, intimidation, noncon kissing, choking, Alastor’s shadow doing things a shadow should not be able to do
A/N: Really thought this was gonna be a one-off but here we are. I usually don’t even write one follow-up, much less two, so this is unfamiliar terrain for me. Alas, I could not resist. Enjoy (or don’t. I’m not in charge.)
You remember a time when this was good. Well - no. You’re sure, now, that it was rotten from the beginning. But there was a time when it felt good. When you invited it in. When you wanted more.
Time for bed, my dear.
He’s said this to you many times. Now, each repetition deepens the never-ending pit in your stomach. But the first time…how long ago was it? You don’t remember. You don’t even remember how long you’ve been here. Here at this hotel, or here, in hell - each one distorts hours and months in its own way. They tug at you until you slip through the fingers of time, and end up on a day you don’t remember arriving at, in a place that is only yours if you forget what has happened there.
It’s far too late for you to be thinking as deeply as you are.
You’d been sitting on the top of the stairs for a long time that night, however-long-ago, fending off the inevitable onset of your dreams. He’d been gone all day, and when he had finally returned (from where, you never found out), he’d seen you from the lobby. Called out to you, in a voice far too quiet and gentle to carry to your ears as well as it did. It wasn’t the first time he’d spoken to you, but it was the first time he’d spoken to you alone. And even if that wasn’t true, there would have been something different about it.
And, in my opinion, far too fair a night for such misery.
From the beginning, you’d known that nothing about him was entirely unfiltered. The first time you’d met, he’d given a wonderful little performance. Shaken your hand, taken you by the shoulder, quickly escorted you away from the people who would soon warn you not to trust him. And you’d known it was fake. Of course you had. You weren’t, perhaps, the most excellent judge of character, but you knew no one acted like that by instinct. It was calculated. Not to be trusted.
It struck you oddly, then, to hear such an allegedly inhuman character talk about something as mundane as the joy of pleasant weather. It felt entirely real, even at an hour when almost nothing seemed real at all. Hell did have its decent moments, now and then; there were no seasons, so to speak, but very occasionally you’d get a day that felt like summer, and a night to match. It was nice, when it happened. Delightful, even.
But, if you insist upon staying awake - and I admit, I do understand that impulse better than most - I suggest you do it somewhere with an open window.
The realization had hit, somewhere in the middle of this, that he was being kind to you. You hadn’t wondered why at the time. You’d take anything you could get, in those early, confused days after your death, and receiving it from an unexpected source somehow made it better. He didn’t do things like this out of obligation. He cared, for some reason you could only guess at.
You’re still guessing, now. But that night, you hadn’t thought so deeply about it. You’d only stared back at him, and nodded almost imperceptibly at his suggestion.
He’d paused, matching your silence for a long stretch. Considered your expression, in the way those unblinking eyes always seemed uniquely suited for.
Shall I escort you to your room, my dear?
You’d nodded mutely, and he’d ascended the stairs, offered you his hand, helped you to your feet, guided you to your door.
And then, a mistake. Grateful, exhausted, feeling utterly alone in a strange world - you’d invited him in.
He’d opened your window for you, and lingered beside it for several quiet seconds before you asked him to sit down in your desk chair. He’d smiled strangely at that, softer than you were used to, and left quickly, almost hastily, after only a few minutes. But he’d stood motionless in the hallway for several seconds before you’d heard him walk away.
After that night, you never invited him in again - you didn’t have to. He came of his own accord. Only occasionally, at first. Then, more often, until hardly a day went by without it. It was almost pleasant, at first, and then a slow, unyielding creep towards what you have now. Something you don’t understand. Something you only started resenting after it was too late to back away.
You’ve spent a long time wondering why he chose you, of all people. Why he feels so entitled to your space, to your life, why he wants it to begin with. Why he holds onto you so tightly. You’ve even asked him, in roundabout ways, to no avail. But somewhere in your mind, a shoved-down place that only now rises to the surface, you think that it might be your fault. Your fault, for being so desperate for solace, for company, that you’d take it from anyone you could. For feeling proud to have gained his attention, long after the point where it stopped doing you any good.
Now, lying above your bed covers, you toy with the hem of your slip, which you’ve absently pulled up to mid-thigh. Perhaps you don’t need to be wearing it tonight. Alastor has been mysteriously absent from the hotel in the two days that have passed since his last appearance in your room. You doubt whatever’s called him away has left him much time for spying upon you. And still, you feel compelled to act as if he is watching. As if he might return to your bedside at any moment.
Your memory flashes back to two nights ago, and you try to yank it away. You don’t want to think about what he did to you then. You certainly don’t want to think about why. The way his eyes were fixed not on your body, but on your face, as if it was your shame he wanted to see, and nothing more.
It was unsettling. But perhaps not surprising. If it was only your body that he wanted, after all, he wouldn’t be trying so hard to control the rest of you. That, you don’t understand. That - it’s what really keeps you awake.
The light from your lamp, which you have no intention of turning off, stings beneath your closed eyes as you lie rigidly on your back. You barely slept the night before, either, so this day passed in a sort of stupor, the adrenaline of early morning giving way to a numb, heavy feeling as the afternoon dragged on.
But the numbness is good, in a way, you think. It lets you do things you wouldn’t otherwise. With your eyes still closed, you bring your other hand to the hem of the slip. The lace and the silk above it are delicate, and you pull hard with both fists. The light ripping noise that follows is beautiful, for a moment.
Then, the familiar dread snaps back into place, worse for your act of stupidity.
He will be back, before long. His sudden absence has not been a reprieve, but a looming threat, a two-day stretch in which you have not taken one proper breath, and you have the feeling that he will know what you have done the moment he returns.
If he does not somehow know already. If you haven’t already summoned him back by the rebellious movements of your hands. There is panic coursing through you, fear not of what is here now but of what has been, and what will be. It’s not the panic you’d feel at an immediate threat, like a wild animal baring down on you in a dark forest - instead, it’s the sort of inescapable head-buzzing sensation you experienced often in life, when you’d been in a room for far too long, and were not yet allowed to leave. An overwhelming feeling that you are trapped, not by physical bonds, but by the consequences that might ensue if you walk away.
If you were to walk away, to run away…what would happen? You do not know, and you don’t want to think about it. You want to leave. No - you need to leave. If you do not do it now, now, you never will. And the idea of never leaving, of this stretching on until he decides that it’s time for it to end - if he ever does -
You sit up, and swing your legs over the edge of your bed. He will be back soon. You’re sure of it. And you cannot bear the thought of being here when he returns.
What can you do about it? You can do something. You can stand up. You can find the large backpack stuffed into the corner of your closet, and start shoving things inside. You don’t have many things at all, and most of the things you do have are not important enough to keep. You’re certainly not bringing any of these clothes with you.
All these things, you do quickly, in a sort of daze, driven by a single motive. Get out, get out. It is easy, if you don’t stop moving. If you don’t think more than you have to, if you let this one idea drive you all the way out the door. One set of clothes, you do have to bring - the one that goes on your body. The only one that you feel even remotely comfortable wearing. Black trousers, red sweater. The contents of the small compartments of your dresser have been replaced, so you do not feel comfortable with the things you are wearing underneath these clothes, but they are quickly hidden. You are not in strong enough possession of your body to feel them clinging to your skin.
You’ve discarded the slip onto the floor, and with the way it’s crumpled, you can’t even see the small rip in the hem. It’s not enough. You pick it up and rip it further, until it is torn all the way to the neck, before dropping it like it’s on fire. Perhaps it would be better to take it with you, to get rid of it in a place where he won’t see the remains, but you do not want to have it for a second longer. It flutters back to the floor, and you cover your clean, white, unfamiliar socks with the ragged sneakers you’ve somehow been allowed to keep.
Where do you go? Where can you go? For reasons that you certainly didn’t come up with yourself (reasons that seemed like cloying but utterly convincing advice, at the time) you barely speak to anyone outside of these walls. You haven’t even got a phone. And even if you did, you can’t imagine pulling anyone into this mess - your mess, a quiet voice in your head reminds you. This is your creation, and you will see it through alone. There is a motel, you remember, a shoddy building a few streets away that you’ve taken notice of every time you’ve passed. You will go there, and you will sleep, and tomorrow -
Tomorrow does not matter yet. Tonight, you only need to leave.
You’re sure that no one in this building is awake. Or at least, no one is awake enough to check on the noises your feet make as they collide, painfully loud, over and over, with the creaking hallway floor. And yet, you advance as slowly and carefully as you can manage, barely keeping at bay the adrenaline that urges you to run. The night is pleasantly warm, but a shudder runs through you as you crack open the front door of the sleeping hotel. This, too, you keep at bay, instructing your feet to keep moving until you dislodge the disarming chill from your bones, and settle back into your skin. You are walking quickly, but not running, as you wade into the dark streets before you. It is a bad idea, being out here alone, at this hour, and running is loud.
Then again, you think your breathing might be harsher, at this moment, than any noise the soles of your shoes could create.
You didn’t realize until now that you already had this route mapped out in your head, so clearly that you can follow it without thinking. It’s not far. Quicker if you slide through the little alley to your left. Quicker still if you speed up, just a bit, just enough that your breath catches oddly in your throat, exertion mixing with the faintest glimmer of hope. There is a breeze flowing out from behind you, gentle against the nape of your neck. The streets are mercifully quiet.
You are not thinking. If you were, you might not be able to tell yourself that all was well.
As it is, you buy yourself a few more seconds of hope. But your eyes are wide. Too wide and too alert to miss the strange thing that comes your way. Once you see it, you cannot look anywhere else.
Your stomach drops. You slowly ease your bag off of your shoulders, and let it fall to the ground beside you. You will not be taking it any further than here.
You know this, because there is an inexplicable shadow pressed against the side of the alley. It is cast by nothing, darker than the night that surrounds it. A long, abstract shape unfurls bit by bit, extends its tendrils across the worn brick, and drips down until it spills onto the polished boots that have appeared suddenly on the ground in front of you.
There’s a horribly familiar sigh, but no words. No touch. Not yet.
Soon. Too soon, you’ll hear his voice.
But you find that you do not have the impulse to scream, like anyone else might in this situation. Nor do you want to run. You do not want to take so much as a step backwards. You do not do these things, because you are not scared like you might have expected. No. The thing that quickens your pulse is not fear, but anger. You were so close. You could have made it. And you should have made it.
You should not have had to run to begin with.
You answer a question that you didn’t realize you were asking until this moment. This is not your fault. None of it. Nothing that makes you feel like this could possibly be your doing alone. So, instead of looking up and apologizing, you stare at the ground, and imagine that your eyes shine as intensely as the ones above you. It’s a striking contrast, your worn, comfortable shoes toe-to-toe with polished leather. A victory, in its own small way.
You feel Alastor lean over you, and your hands curl into fists of their own accord.
“Do you have any idea,” he murmurs, his voice deceptively calm, “what a terrible risk you’ve taken?”
“Some idea.” You’re seething, just as you know he must be underneath the surface - the only difference is that you aren’t bothering to hide it. “You’ll forgive me.”
“Oh…I’m not talking about my own impulses, my dear. Running was a terrible idea for many reasons.” His glove catches you beneath your jaw - you press back against it for a moment before following its guide. Before looking up into the eyes you never wanted to see again, and the grin that bears down upon you. “You might find it hard to wrap your head around, considering its current misguided state, but I assure you that I am far from the only threat that the nights of hell have to offer.”
“But you are a threat.” He’s shown his hand, you think. It’s satisfying to point out - until it’s thrown back in your face.
“Only when provoked, darling.” His eyes are a brighter red than you’ve ever seen them, glowing with some intense emotion - whether it’s hatred or a deep appreciation, you don’t know, and will never know. He releases your jaw, runs his finger slowly down the line of your neck. “But you’ve no need to worry…it would take quite a lot of provocation for me to hurt you. Even now, I’m not even close to taking such drastic action.”
Your teeth grind together, clenched as tightly as his pasted-on smile, as the fist wrapped around his staff. “You think you haven’t hurt me already?”
“Oh, my.” He laughs gently, dismissively - but it’s not quite as convincing as usual. He’s standing rigidly, pressing the bottom of his staff tightly against the ground, holding his free hand not behind his back, but at his side. Fingers stiffly curled, practically trembling with the effort of holding still, as if they’re itching to grab onto something.“You are feeling bold tonight. Not as if I couldn’t tell by the little present you left behind in your room…but it is rather strange to experience it in person. You’re usually such a sweetheart.”
You tune out the syrupy condescension of his voice. You’re done with listening to him. Done with beating around the bush, done with getting brushed aside again and again. “What do you want from me?”
“Cliches don’t suit you, my dear,” he intones darkly. “Especially not when paired with that expression.” He slowly raises his hand, and reaches for your face, as if he hopes to rearrange the features he finds so unpleasant. Without a second thought, you jerk backwards, and slap his hand away.
He holds it frozen. Poised in midair. The last time this happened, it was enough to make you tug back everything you’d just done.
Not this time.
“What,” you hiss, taking another full step back, “do you want from me?”
The corner of his grin twitches so severely that you can almost imagine it dropping from his face. “At the moment, I only wish for you to return home.”
“That’s not what I mean.” You hold your fists at your sides. Spine straight, shoulders pressed back. Toes curled inside your shoes. You can feel the unfamiliar undergarments clinging to your hips, your ribcage - you want them gone. You want him gone.
“Then pray tell, my dear”-
“All of it.” You hold his gaze as his head tilts slowly to one side. Listen to the cracking of bones, and press on, before you can think better of it. “You won’t let me go. You can’t. And I don’t even get to know why.” There’s a desperation in your voice, rising with the volume of it, quickly spiraling out of your control. “All I know is that you’re - you’re trying to control me, and that I hate it, and that I don’t fucking understand it.”
Images from two nights before descend upon your mind, and your train of thought comes entirely undone. It’s more than images, really. You can certainly picture him standing over you, his red eyes flaring as you stripped yourself bare in front of him, but you can also feel it, the awful heat under your skin battling with the chill of the air, the brush of his finger along your hip, the gentle kiss to your forehead. The hands pulled tightly behind his back. And the way you felt then, the thing you’d be afraid of, if it was anyone else.
“You - you don’t”- You feel strangely distant from your body, as if your mind is a separate entity, floating somewhere slightly outside of your skull. Your mouth takes a sharp breath, and more words cascade out before you can return to stop them. “I was fucking naked in front of you, and you didn’t feel anything. If you don’t want - that”-
Any other stupid words you might say are cut off by a rising buzz of static, which emanates from him as his staff disappears before your eyes, and his newly-free hand takes on the stiff, barely-restrained posture of the other. You wonder, in that detached manner your thoughts take on when you are frightened, if he’s doing this on purpose, or if it’s somehow leaking out in a way that’s beyond his control.
You feel tears welling in your eyes, and try in vain to shove them back down. You don’t know where they came from. “I don’t understand.”
For the first time, you see his grin drop - not all the way, but enough that the line of it changes, enough that it becomes a grimace. It’s so unsettling that you wish the usual, terrible smile would return. “That much is obvious, my dear. I wonder if you even realize how tragic what you just said really was.”
You freeze as your wrists are snatched by coils of shadow, smooth and inexplicably solid. Your arms are yanked straight down, and when you try to tear them away, you fail. Your hands are free to form fists, but remain trapped against your sides.
“That you can only fathom being desired in such a shallow way…”
His image flickers before you. You’re already half-turned around when he reappears behind you a moment later, but there’s nothing you can do to stop his hands from curling, one finger at a time, around your shoulders, far too close to your neck for comfort. You stare straight ahead as his face twists into the periphery of your vision.
And he whispers in your ear, his voice bare of any effect, just the hint of some old, earthly accent slipping through. “I’m afraid that I want much more than that.”
He slides around you at the same moment the bonds around your wrists release, and effortlessly turns you by your shoulders - he does not push you against the wall that now stands behind you, but you step back out of instinct and flatten yourself against it. He matches your steps with his own, traps you between himself and the rough brick at your back, and latches his gloved hand beneath your jaw, wrenching your face upwards. With his other hand, he reaches down, flips your palm so that it’s no longer facing the wall and interlocks his fingers with your own. His grin springs back into place, and oh - you wish you could run now. You would, if you could.
His eyes slide away from you for a moment as he puts something together in his head. “These little acts of rebellion from you…I think I ought to thank you for them.” He blinks slowly, and returns his gaze to your face. “I don’t think I would have realized just how close I wanted to keep you, if you hadn’t attempted to leave. And now…oh. I understand perfectly, now. I know exactly what I want.” He bows his head, lowers his lips to your ear, so that you can hear the shudder of his breath. “I’ll have your soul one day, my dear. A day when you’re already bound so tightly to me that such a contract will be a mere formality.”
“And until that day comes…” He draws back from the side of your face, stares not into your eyes, but through them. His teeth part. His tongue flicks out from between them, and slides quickly over their jagged edges. “I feel as if I’m prepared to do anything, if only it will bring you closer.”
The last vestiges of your anger burst forth, and you attempt to wrench your face out of his grasp. He lets you, and moves his hand to the back of your neck, his long fingers pressing harshly into the sides. You look up, eyes wide with terror, as the palm that has been flattened against your own releases your hand from the wall, and rises to curl tightly around your waist.
He pulls you close. You do not see the moment that his smile disappears, as it surely must - your eyes are already closed when he kisses you, screwed tightly shut as his hot, rancid breath works its way into your lungs. There’s a hint of whiskey beneath the rot, and something metallic, the same taste that floods your mouth when you bite the inside of your lip a bit too hard. His hand slides around from the back of your neck, and closes at your throat - he keeps it there after he’s pulled away, and watches as you struggle against his grip.
“You have a decision to make now, darling.” He takes a deep, satisfied breath, the tension leaving his posture even as you fight to breathe beneath his hand. “You can return all by yourself…” His fingers curl tighter around your neck, and tendrils of shadow lash at your wrists and ankles, slowly twisting their way up your limbs. “Or, I can bring you back. I imagine that would cause quite a scene..but the choice is yours.” He tilts his head, stares down at you through narrowed eyes, and - after another moment of watching you struggle - eases his grip just enough for you to answer.
You don’t hesitate for a moment. Even if you had the air to argue, you wouldn’t dare. “I’ll - come back” -
“Lovely.” He releases you, and takes a step back. Pulls one hand slowly behind him, as if doing so takes a tremendous amount of effort. “Since you’re so attached to your freedom, I’ll allow you to walk back unsupervised.” He traces the back of his other hand gently down your cheek, stopping only briefly to press the tips of his fingers against the hardened clench of your jaw. You let it go slack - only then does he pull his hand away. “But as I told you before, darling…there are many threats lurking in the shadows of these streets. So I do suggest that you watch your step.”
His image fades away before you. In the same moment that you watch him disappear, there is a shift in the surface under your feet. You no longer feel the familiar soles of your shoes, but the ground beneath, rough with the texture of cracks and debris. Cold. Not damp, exactly, but carrying the faint suggestion of something wet having only recently become dry.
Your toes curl inside your pristine white socks, which will soon be stained by the filth of the ground beneath them. There’s a new shadow against the wall - it slides along with you as you carefully retrace your steps home.
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need need need something about Caitlin being obsessed with her girlfriend and talking about her non stop in interviews, insta ect
Obsessed . CC
pairing: caitlin clark x reader
synopsis: caitlin always finds a way to talk about you
A/N: NOT PROOF READ
༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶
1. interviews
it was the end of an amazing game, not just for iowa, but especially for caitlin. she hadn’t played a game that well in her entire career, scoring more than her average and making shots from deeper than ever before. she had everyone on their feet the entire night cheering for her as she completely annihilated the other team.
you were there to watch her, as you were every other game. watching caitlin play had to be one of your favorite, most rewarding things to watch as a girlfriend. she’s worked for hard for long and she was finally getting the recognition she deserves.
after the post-game excitement had worn off, the team prepared for the following interviews. typically, you didn’t stick around for them, opting to head home and wait for caitlin so you could congratulate her in your own special way. but with such an amazing game for caitlin, you decided to stick around and watch.
it was like she was a natural, surrounded by all the microphones and flashing cameras. she looked proud and confident, ready for any and all questions. they asked her the usual questions and she answered assertively. but one particular question caught your attention.
“the effort you’ve put into basketball has been apparent throughout your career, but your fans want to know more. who do you credit for keeping you so motivated and successful off the court?”
she bit back a smile, lip tugged between her teeth as she listened to the interviewer. caitlin looked out into the sea of people, eyes finding yours somewhere in the back before answering.
“yea, no there’s a lot of people i could think of that have been absolutely incredible,” she said “you know obviously my parents and bothers, my teammates and friends. they’ve all been really supportive of me. but i do also want to credit my girlfriend, YN. i mean she’s been there for me day after day, she’s really the reason i’m able to keep going and i definitely wouldn’t be where i’m at now if it weren’t for her. so yea, i have a truly amazing support group behind me, it’s wild.”
you couldn’t help but blush hearing her mention your name up there. she was so sweet and so modest when it came to things like this and she always made sure you knew how much she really needed you.
after the interview, she came up to you, sweaty and exhausted. a big goofy grin still glued to her face as she gravitated into you.
“i love you so much” she said to you “i meant what i said in there, i really don’t know what i’d do without you”
you pulled her into you tighter, so close you could feel her pulse as your lips met the back of her ear.
“i love you more”
2. social media
caitlin posted you on a regular basis at this point (and you posted her just as much). she was so whipped, always posting photos of you to her instagram to show you off.
caitlinclark22
♡ liked by its.yn, katemartin03, and 799,403 others
caitlinclark22 obsessed with you @its.yn
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its.yn baby :’)
⤷ caitlinclark22 it’s true <3
gabbie.marshall my moms actually
ur.sister the cutest couple everrrr
user7838 brb crying right now
caitandynfan PARENTS
katemartin03 this is making me tear up i’ll be honest
⤷ its.yn stawppp
caitlinclark22
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caitlinclark22 i’m in love with you in every universe, happy anniversary @its.yn
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its.yn i’m actually so in love with you it’s insane
bueckersgirl52 this is the cutest thing i’ve ever seen
jadagyamfi soulmates fr
ynsbiggestfan i love them guys omg
3. around your friends
she honestly didn’t even know she did it because if she did, it would be way worse. the amount of times you got brought up in conversation was starting to get a bit ridiculous. yours and caitlin’s friends love the both of you, thought you were perfect for each other, but if they had to hear ‘YN said’ or ‘you know what happened with YN the other day?’ one. more. time. they were gonna lose it.
caitlin just loved talking about you. she spent every waking moment with you anyways so it was especially hard to not bring up in some sort of way. she really couldn’t care if her friends got sick of it or not.
“hey caitlin” kate asked as the team sat around the living room of your apartment. caitlin had invited the girls over to chill for the night, catch up without the weight of basketball hanging over their shoulders “i had meant to ask how that new restaurant downtown was?”
“oh man it was awesome” she responded “if you get the chance, definitely go. the food was incredible, you know me and YN actually wen-”
“caitlin i love you, but i swear to god please spare us from whatever mushy gushy relationship stuff you’re about to tell us” hannah chimed in from the seat next to caitlin. the girls laughed, glad she spoke up before caitlin began rambling about you again.
“whatever, you guys are just jealous” she rolled her eyes, playfully shoving hannah’s shoulder.
she didn’t mind how the team grew tired of her rambling, she probably would be too if she were them. but you were the soul thing that occupied her mind and she wouldn’t give that up for anything.
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౨ৎ telling bf!jj about your fears | sfw
cw lowkey cheesy lol and i actually hate this so i might delete this later but i wanted to post something :’)
ৎ୭
you and jj settled down on your bed a few moments ago, calming down from an exhausting day at the beach, when he reaches up to brush a strand of hair behind your ear.
“what’s going on in your head?” he asks, noticing that little frown you always had when you’d think too much. and right now you were definitely overthinking stuff.
“nothing,” you reply, not wanting to dive further into thoughts that have been terrorizing your mind for weeks now.
you love jj. you love him more than anything else on this planet. but recently, you found yourself thinking about your relationship in ways you wish you didn’t. you’d think about him—about how loving he is as a friend and especially as a boyfriend. and you’d think about yourself and what could’ve been so special about you that he chose you.
jj furrows his eyebrows, tracing his finger down your jawline slowly. “come on, y/n. you can tell me.” he offers, giving you a reassuring smile.
when you don’t answer and just keep staring and thinking about everything, he calls your name out softly, “y/n? please, tell me.”
“s’nothing.” you deny again, but jj shakes his head and props himself up on his elbow, cupping your cheeks with his hands. “y/n y/l/n. what is going on in that pretty little head of yours, hm?”
his action makes you huff a little giggle, and you give in, “i just— sometimes i find it hard to believe that you’re my boyfriend. i mean, you’re special. like literally sent from heaven and so adorable and loving, so— so beautiful and sweet and way out of my league, and i’m just so… me.”
jj stares at you, trying to comprehend everything that babbles out of your mouth. he blinks a few times before bursting out in laughter. “i’m out of your league?” he asks. he couldn’t believe you’d even think that.
“yeah.”
“are you fucking with me right now? can you look at yourself, please? did you see what i pulled?” he gestures up and down your body before pointing straight at your face, “did you?!”
but before you can answer, he shifts on top of you and starts to pepper your face with kisses, making loud ‘mwuah’ sounds.
“don’t every fucking talk yourself down like that again,” he mumbles in between kisses before finally pulling away to look at your now flushed face. “you’re beautiful, okay? and i wouldn’t be a thing that you named me if i wouldn’t have you. you make me everything that i am. you make me happy, y/n. and i love you; do you understand that?” he whispers and presses his forehead against yours, awaiting your answer.
you nod, “yes, i understand.”
“then say it back.”
“i love you, too.”
ৎ୭
#jj maybank#jj mayback x reader#jj maybank x y/n#jj maybank fanfiction#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank prompt#obx fanfiction#obx imagine#jj obx
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Read your vent post and I agree. I ship Buddie and Bucktommy, and have been around fandom long enough to see how quickly toxic fandom people are louder than anything else and are trying to take over the spaces. It also doesnt help people dont always disclose information in the tags, which defeats the whole purpose of using ao3.
I love bucktommy and the potential healthy bi/queer representation the characters can give us. However, I'm also tired of trying to find Bucktommy fics only for it to end up being the "buck breaks up with him or cheats on him for eddie because he loves eddie more" or they turn Buck into some kind of invalid and completely ignoring the emotional growth he's had throughout the show. Or they just Buck using Tommy in general. Maybe Buck 1.0 would do that, but not post lightning Buck.
People can write whatever they want but Buck's character growth has been important to me since I started watching 911 and seeing people wreck a beautiful chance for Buck to grow into himself without the stakes of it being Eddie because Buddie goggles are glued on their eyes is exhausting. I'm a big supporter of DLDR so I usually just try to ignore most of it but it's taxing trying to filter through all the noise sometimes.
~ Anon 🌸
Anon, you’re so sweet and you make many good points.
For all writers and readers out there, use the tag system to your benefit. Tag your work appropriately. And if you’re deliberately not tagging correctly, then you shouldn’t be posting. Also, I’m decently sure that goes against some of ao3’s rules. Correct me if I’m wrong.
Buck’s character growth has been so beautiful and so much and I hate to see people throwing it down the drain. Eddie and Buck’s growth exist outside of each other as well as inside their bond.
DLDR for the win! (Don’t like don’t read for anyone who had to take a second to translate it like I did 🤣)
Again, I can’t say anything better than what you’ve already said, anon! You made great points and I think a lot of people can relate to your thoughts.
On a whole separate note, I’m considering making a fic rec list on here that’s full of solely BuckTommy fics (no cheating or placeholder Tommy or anything) but it’d be a lot to maintain. Would anyone want that?
#911 abc#9-1-1#911 show#tommy kinard#lou ferrigno jr#evan buckley#bucktommy#buddie#911 spoilers#tk6 answers
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Friends? Never. Pt.23 (Ellie Williams x reader)
MASTERLIST (and information about Palestine) Please read!
SYNOPSIS: You and Ellie had been bitter enemies for years now but before that you were best friends. You had always planned to be roommates one day but when that becomes a reality the situation isn't exactly how you both imagined it.
OMG she actually posted, what a day! Sorry guysssss, when I tell you life has been crazy but I'm back and I promise these fics will get finished if it is the last thing I do!
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“I’m not sick.” Ellie punctuated her sentence with a cough that ripped through her chest and reverberated around the room.
“Ellie you have a fever, you’re sweating and you’re pale and you just coughed in my face. You’re sick.” You had been going round in circles for too long and you were tired. Clem had brought home a virus from school and despite your best-efforts Ellie had also caught it, though she wasn’t ready to accept that yet.
“Babe, I’m literally fine.” Ellie jumped out of bed before you could stop her and immediately swayed, you grabbed her by the waist to steady her as her arms wrapped around your neck. Her forehead came to rest on your shoulder as she whimpered quietly. She was clinging onto you for dear life as you huffed at her stubbornness.
“Yeah you seem perfectly fine.” You snarked at her. “Get back in bed.” The tone of your voice made it clear there was no room for discussion as you gently lowered her to lay back down.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice was barely audible as her eyebrows scrunched and she pouted slightly.
“For what? You can’t help being sick.” She sighed but interrupted herself with another chesty cough as you brushed away the hairs that had stuck to her forehead from the cold sweat. “I’m gonna go check on patient zero then I’ll make you some tea okay?”
“I love you, so much.”
“That fever’s making you sappy huh?”
“Fuck you.” Despite her words, her tone was laced with love as she chuckled quietly.
“I love you too El, sit tight.” You pressed the back of your hand to her forehead once more before leaving her to check on Clem in her room.
Clem wasn’t much better off than Ellie, she looked sullen, barely meeting your eyes as you walked into her room to check on her. It pained you, wrenched at your heart to see them both so weak and tired.
“Hi baby, did you get much sleep?” You checked on her through the night, unable to get any decent sleep but eventually exhaustion had taken over and you had collapsed into bed next to Ellie for a few hours. You wanted to remark how much of a miracle it was that you hadn’t got ill yet but that felt like you’d be tempting fate so you pushed the thought out of your mind as quickly as it came.
“I slept okay, when will I get better mommy?” That caused a pit in your stomach, knowing you couldn’t give her an answer to that.
“I don’t know honey, it won’t be long.” You could tell by the scrunch of her eyebrows that didn’t help. “Tell you what, why don’t I take you to cuddle with mama while I make you both some breakfast? Does that sound good?” Her eyes lit up and she nodded while sniffling as she sat up. You carried her to yours and Ellie’s room and the smile on both their faces when they saw each other warmed you.
“Hey kiddo, not feeling any better?” Ellie’s voice was nasally and scratchy but you couldn’t help but smile as she sat up slightly and shifted to make more room for Clem to lay with her.
“No, are you sick too mama?”
“Just a little bit baby, but don’t worry about me.” Ellie immediately wrapped her arms around Clem as you set her down on the bed and Clem snuggled into her side as you went to make breakfast.
“Sorry I made you sick mama.” You heard Clem whisper sheepishly as you reached the door, pausing to her Ellie’s reply.
“Don’t be silly, it’s not your fault, these things happen. Just focus on getting better hm, you can go back to sleep if you’re tired.” You smiled and walked downstairs to start breakfast humming to yourself quietly.
When you returned with two mugs of tea, a plastic one for Clem, while the porridge heated on the stove Ellie smiled sadly at you.
“What’s up babe?” Her cheeks flushed as her eyebrows scrunched, she looked visibly distressed and your heart clenched.
“Started my period yesterday.” She looked embarrassed, she couldn’t make eye contact as she said it and you almost chuckled at how silly she was being.
“Oh babe, you’re having a tough time. Cramps bad?” She nodded. “Lucky I grabbed that hot water bottle then isnt it? I’ll go boil some water for it, breakfast won’t be long now. Do you need help getting to the toilet or anything?”
“No I’m okay, thank you, I don’t deserve you.”
“Stop saying that!” You scolded gently as you left her to go check the bathroom and make sure you’d have enough pads for her, luckily there were still a lot from the last pack you had found on patrol but Maria was always very good at trying to make sure Jackson had a good supply of period products for the town, people were even attempting to make reusable pads.
You finished the porridge with honey for Ellie and jam for Clem before filling the hot water bottle and taking everything upstairs, Ellie’s eyes lit up as you walked in, even sick, she was the most beautiful girl you had ever seen, you’d kiss her over and over again even at the risk of getting ill but she had forbid you to try and stop you from getting sick, the thought was nice but you were struggling.
“Eat up and drink your teas, I can make juice, do you guys want juice?” You felt useless and your rambling indicated that to Ellie as you pressed the hot water bottle to her stomach, barely meeting her eyes.
“Babe, we’re okay, take a breath.”
“I know, I just hate seeing you both sick.” Ellie nodded in understanding and smiled before turning her attention to Clem who was eyeing the porridge like she hadn’t eaten in weeks.
“You put jam in it! That’s my favourite. Thank you mommy.”
“It’s okay baby, El there’s honey in yours.”
“You know me so well.” She smiled giddily before picking up her spoon and eating with a satisfied hum.
“Clemmy, after breakfast do you think you’ll want to nap or can I give you a bath?”
“We can do it after, I love you mommy.”
“Aw I love you more sweetie, now c’mon, eat up.” You pinched her cheek gently and smiled as she giggled and continued eating before turning your attention back to Ellie. “Is the hot water bottle helping love?”
“Mhm it’s perfect, you’re the best.”
“You’re cute, I’ve got a couple things to do so I’ll be back in a bit okay, shout if you need me.” You smiled and exited leaving to eat and then tidy up the kitchen from making breakfast. You could hear Ellie and Clem coughing every so often but you mostly heard them giggling, even ill and tired, they still made each other laugh and it gave you peace as you sat and ate your porridge.
You decided to make some orange juice from the oranges you had gotten from the market yesterday as they needed their vitamins and you knew they’d pull the sick card to get out of eating vegetables for dinner tonight.
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“You ready for a bath baby?” Clem nodded and smiled as you walked in. “How you feeling El? Need anything?”
“I’m okay, stop worrying about me.”
“Just won’t happen, sorry. We’ll be back soon.” You bathed Clem and by the time you were done she was nodding off so you set her down in her bed to let her sleep before returning to Ellie, finding her curled in on herself clutching her stomach. “Oh babe, have they gotten worse?”
“I’m-”
“You’re not fine so don’t say you are. You are allowed to be in pain. Want me to rub your back?” She gulped at your stern tone and then smiled sheepishly as she nodded, a faint blush dusting her cheeks.
“I don’t want you to get sick.” She practically pleaded as you sat and pulled her to lay on your chest, her cheek squishing slightly making her look so sweet.
“Well I don’t care, just let me take care of you.” You started rubbing her back and the contented sigh that escaped her lips had you grinning. “Clem’s sleeping, she’s never been this tired, I didn’t realise how much I’d miss her whirlwind of energy.”
“I know, I hate seeing her like this. I was telling her puns while you were gone and she was laughing but eventually she just got tired and wanted to sit with me. She’s not herself.”
“Neither of you are. Think this virus is gonna take down the whole of Jackson at some point.”
“Hey at least it won’t happen on the farm.”
“Just another reason to move, I’m so excited. I did a bit more packing this morning.”
“Babe wait until I’m better and I’ll help.”
“Ellie, it’s fine, why are you being so weird about being ill? You can’t help it.”
“I know, I just feel useless, you already do so much for us and now you’re having to look after us too.”
“I don’t have to do anything, I do it because I want to, I like taking care of my family. You’re not useless anyway, you kept Clem occupied and happy so I could get things done, so just please drop it, you’re perfect.”
“You think?” She met your eyes and they sparkled for the first time today.
“I know.” You smiled and bent down but she put a hand over your lips.
“Hey, no kissing, I’m not risking it.”
“What difference does it make? You’re laying all over me.” You huffed.
“It’s different.” You rolled your eyes and then spotted her tea, you reached for it and took a large gulp of it.
“See, we’ve already swapped germs, no point holding back now.” You smiled smugly as she frowned until she also smiled, relenting and leaning up to press a sweet kiss to your lips.
“Happy now?”
“So happy. If you’ve still got cramps, I can run you a bath, will probably help with the pain.”
“You just want to get me naked.” She quirked an eyebrow as she snorted at her own remark.
“I never said anything about me being there, just that I would run it. But glad to know you’re still well enough to have such a dirty mind.”
“Oh whatever.” She huffed and pinched your waist as you chuckled.
“Do you want the bath or not?”
“In a second? I like laying here.”
“Okay babe.” You pressed a kiss to the top of her head and let her relax into you once more as you rubbed soft circles over her back, Ellie had always been one to suffer in silence and it never annoyed you any less, so seeing her admit, even if it was with difficulty, that she isn’t feeling her best was more than you could have expected from her. “Kinda wish you were ill more often so I could take care of you like this.”
“Erm... thanks.” She chuckled as you squeezed her slightly and feathered kisses all over her forehead and hair. “Can we just do this without me being sick? I feel like I’d prefer that.”
“Who are you and what have you done with my Ellie?”
“What?” She scoffed.
“Admitting you like it when I take care of you, you’re a different person.”
“Yeah well, it’s not all bad I guess.” You laughed at her response.
“Thanks babe.” She coughed as you spoke and you realised you had almost forgotten she was sick. “Okay be quiet and have a nap now, you need your rest, I’ll run you a bath when you wake up.”
“I’m not that tired.” You weren’t even surprised when she yawned as she finished her sentence. “Shut up.”
“I didn’t say anything, just stop fighting me hm.” Your free hand came to play with her hair and scratch at her scalp, feeling successful when she let out a hum of contentment.
“Yes ma’am.” She mumbled before squeezing your waist tighter and burrowing into your chest like it’s a pillow, to her, it was.
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“Do you wanna get in with me?” Ellie asked, hope seeping through her voice and face.
“Are you sure? I thought you’d wanna relax.”
“I’m most relaxed when I’m with you.” She purrs as she starts pulling at your top, you chuckle and help her rid you of your clothes before you sit in the bath leaving room for her to lay in between your legs. Ellie lets out a content sigh as she relaxes into the tub and presses her back to your chest, letting you lace your fingers into her hair and scratch at her scalp. “You’re so nice.” She hums eliciting a giggle from you.
“You’re easy to please.” You quip with a kiss to the top of her head.
“Damn right.” She agrees as her eyes shut and she relaxes back into you, her weight a welcome imposition in your body.
“How’s your stomach? Cramps got worse?”
“No they feel a little better actually, you’re a miracle worker.”
“I think it’s the bath that’s done that babe.”
“Just take a compliment would you? You’re infuriating.” She chuckles.
“But you love me anyway.” She can hear the smirk in your words as you speak.
“That I do.” She rasped out and a comfortable silence fell upon you both as you played with her hair and let the hot water help her aches and pains.
You started washing Ellie’s hair, lathering it with shampoo and kneading into her scalp as she hummed in satisfaction until an idea popped into your head and you had to suppress the urge to giggle. You began forming a spike with her hair, letting the shampoo hold it in place as you moulded it to sit right on top of her head.
“Er babe, what are you doing?” She asks suspiciously. You can only giggle in response as you look at the perfect spike a top her head and her confusion as she spins round to face you. “Oh what did you do?” She narrows her eyes before kneeling up in the bath to look in the mirror that faced you both, groaning at her reflection. “Seriously? How old are you?”
“Er pot, kettle.”
“Whatever.” She huffs and sinks back down into the water as you continue giggling until you decide to take mercy on her and rinse her hair of the shampoo, returning it to its original form.
“Sorry El.” You pressed a kiss to her cheek and noted the smile that had puffed out her cheek under your lips.
“You’re lucky you’re cute.”
“Yeah, I know.” You chirped before climbing out of the bath to start some lunch. Ellie moaned about you leaving but when you enticed her with tomato soup and a cheese toastie, she was quick to be quiet. You left her with a final kiss on the lips before checking on Clem on your way downstairs who was still fast asleep.
Lunch was easy enough, you put ‘shaken by a low sound’ by the Crooked Stills on your record player and let yourself get carried away by the music as you made the food, you hummed along and swayed your hips to the beat while wondering how a song about murder could be so damn catchy until you’re broken from your thoughts by a pair of hands wrapping around your waist and pulling you flush to their chest.
“God you look so good, I wanna tear you apart.” Ellie rasped in your ear as she feathered kisses down your neck, swaying you both to the beat of the song.
“You make it really difficult to get anything done.” You whispered as you leant back into her, slightly arching your back to push your ass into her crotch.
“Maybe that’s the point.”
“You want your lunch or not babe?”
“Alright I get it.” She chuckled as she let her chin rest on your shoulder, clinging to you like a koala while you stirred the soup in its pot. The song switched from ‘little Sadie’ to the next causing Ellie to shuffle off without a word. All became clear when the record skipped to ‘Ecstasy’ and she walked back in with a sheepish grin. “Dance with me?”
“If I ever say no to that, shoot me.” You chuckle as you take her outstretched hand and let her spin you into her so your back is once again pressed to her front, her arms wrapping around your waist and swaying to the melody ringing out through your home. You turned to face her and wrapped your arms around her waist as she pulled you in to a hug that was barely considered dancing but enough for you both. You pressed your face into her chest and breathed her in with a smile letting the song play through. You cherished moments like these, your home the backdrop of your relationship and how it blossomed. You felt a pang of nostalgia for all the memories you had already made here but the thought of making new memories in your farmhouse was so comforting.
You danced until the song finished and the soup began to bubble causing you to break away from her with a quiet groan to stir the soup and cook the cheese toasties, Ellie just observing you with a giddy smile. “I’m gonna go wake Clem up.” She said before leaving you to the quiet of the kitchen.
When she returned with a sleepy Clem in her arms you smiled at the sight and dished up everyone’s servings before putting them in their respective places on the table. “Thanks mommy.” Clem croaked out as Ellie kissed your hand.
“Thanks babe.”
“Anything for my girls, how you feeling Clem?”
“Better, I’m just tired.” Clem replied softly.
“I bet you are, once you’ve eaten you can go back to sleep if you want.”
“Will you lay with me mama?” She directed her attention to Ellie.
“Of course kiddo. I could do with a nap too.” She did an exaggeratedly loud yawn that Clem giggled at.
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You snuck into Ellie’s room to check on them both as they had been quiet for some time now and what you found was one of the cutest things you had ever seen. Ellie was sprawled out on her back, her mouth arm, snores that were nowhere near soft echoing through the room because of her blocked nose. Clem was in almost the exact same position except most of her body was lying on Ellie and one of her hands had come to cup Ellie’s cheek from behind where she was laying. It was too cute to not capture the moment so you grabbed the polaroid camera Ellie had been gifted and snapped a pic of them, cringing when the flash went off though neither of them stirred. You stayed and watched just enraptured by them until you decided to go check on the washing you had hung outside earlier.
The sun was beginning its journey towards the horizon and there was a slight nip in the air as you brought everything inside and began folding all the clothes. It was easy to get swept up in the little things like this knowing what the reality of the world is outside. Mundane activities felt rewarding, calming even.
As you finished folding the washing, you yawned and noted how the day had taken it out of you, you crept back into Ellie’s room and climbed over the both of them to wedge yourself between Ellie and the wall, cuddling into her side. She groaned slightly and shifted to wrap her arm around you, pulling you closer into her and resting her chin on the top of your head. You laid, content, like that until sleep overtook you and you felt your body growing heavier.
You were almost asleep when Ellie twitched like she had been electrocuted, making you jump in the process. You huffed and chuckled as she was still deeply asleep before settling in again, rubbing a hand over Clem’s arm and letting your exhaustion finally knock you out for good.
a/n: idk if it’s just me but when I’m ill i literally sleep the whole fucking time like it’s the only thing I can do sooooo yeah also can anyone tell i love domestic ellie x reader, it just has a special place in my heart
tags: @emiliabby @radioheadfan699 @lil-elliesgf @isitadinosaur @amberputh @maelovescashew @a-little-bit-of-everybody @moonspowder @bready101 @euphternal @elliestwofingers @angelsrotation @drippyop @tphmnv (it won’t let me tag you :0)
#ellie the last of us#ellie tlou#ellie williams#ellie williams tlou#ellie x reader#ellie x fem reader#tlou ellie#ellie williams smut#ellie smut#ellie williams angst#ellie williams fanfic#ellie williams fluff#ellie williams imagine#ellie williams the last of us#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams x you#ellie x you
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Hello, I wanted to ask you (if you are not busy at university) a story where Yuuta is jealous because you have been talking to Itadori and Megumi and he asks you to go to his room and he fucks you hard.
(It's not my native language because I don't know if it's right)
Jealousy
typed this in the library when i should of been studying.
Another exhausting day at school has you dragging your feet across campus. You couldn’t walk anymore from his far your classes were from each other. Yuuta on the other hand looked like it was no problem for him. He happily walked next to you as he held your hand, pulling you along with him. You had no idea how he wasn’t burnt out yet, he can’t be human. Especially during finals.
You could hear your name be called out from a distance as you thought about how much you hated school. Turning your attention around you could see Yuji waving at you to grab your attention. Next to him was his best friend Megumi. Putting a halt to your movement you feel as Yuta continues to pull you along.
"Hey, the guys are here! Let’s see what they want." You say as you pull him back.
You could hear as he heavily breaths through his nose. He looked bothered that someone had stopped your little stroll. He’d do this often where he would try to avoid interactions with people when he was with you.
As the boys approached you also walked closer to them.
You could feel how Yuuta stared at you from behind. Waiting for a conversation that hasn’t even started to be over.
"Hey y/n! Yuuta!" Yuji says as he waved once again. The boys and Yuuta were roommates and saw each other everyday. You on the other hand didn’t see them too often. " We’re going to go out and eat. You should come y/n! It’s been so long since we’ve eaten out and I don’t think I can handle an empty stomach any longer." Itadori says as he holds his stomach.
Megumi shakes his head knowing it was going to be a long day.
He was right about it being a while. The classes you guys have recently been taking were hard and time consuming. You’ve been going to school, work, doing homework, and studying every day. Maybe it was time for a little well deserved break. Plus hanging out with Yuji was always fun.
Turning back to look at Yuuta for approval, who had his hands in his pockets and a stoic face. He didn’t like the idea from the looks of it. "Common Yu! It will be fun, like old times!" You say as you drag him into the circle.
He closes his eyes for a moment with his arms now crossed. "Fine." He finally spoke out.
"Yay! So it’s set! Shall we go now!?" You say jumping up and down.
Everyone eventually agreed to the restaurant and headed that way. As you guys walked to the place you felt Yuuta pull you closer to him. His face leaning down to your ear.
"Better be as joyful as you are now later tonight." Yuuta says as he caressed your shoulder.
Shivers went down your spine knowing what was coming later on.
At the restaurant you guys caught up with each other. Talking about school, work, love and life in general. It was a really wonderful conversation you guys were having. Yuuta on the other than was ready to go the second you guys got there. The two of you sat next to each other at a 4 person table. He would squeeze your thigh signaling you that it was fine. You simply ignored him though.
"Oh y/n I noticed you’ve changed your style." Yuji says as he takes a sip out of his drink.
You couldn’t help but blush because he had noticed something like that. It had taken Yuuta a few days to catch into your style change. As the both of you spoke about clothes you could see Yuuta’s eye twitch from the corner of your eye. His leg bouncing up and down as he grew more impatient.
"Yuuta senpai we’re actually thinking of going to the gym later to work out our upper body. Do you think you could give us some advice?" Megumi asks.
Yuuta dragged his eyes in between both of the guys. Thinking about what his answer should be. "Yea I’m down for that." Yuuta crosses his arms. "Now that I think about it I also told Y/n I was going to help her with something. If we go do it now then I can definitely go over your work out routines." Yu uta cocks his head.
"Oh absolutely! We’ll meet you at the gym we might stop at the dorm to pick something up though!" Yuji exclaims.
That’s how Yuuta managed to get you guys out of that lunch outting. He was really quiet on your walk back to his dorm. His heavy arm weighing your shoulder down as he rested it on you. The second you guys got into his room he scanned the area. Making sure it was just the two of you. When he realized it was safe he pulled you into his embrace. Hands running down your back all the way to the waistband of your bottoms. While his hands were occupied he also put his tongue to work. Shoving it inside your mouth unexpectedly. He explored your mouth roughly as he got more hands with you. Putting his hand under your shirt and cupping one of your brest. Fondling the soft flesh aggressively.
You groan as he pulls your bottoms down. Pushing you over his desk that had many pencil is and papers scattered on it. Infront if you was a mirror that reflected his unhappy mood. He spread your legs with your knee and pushed you down so you could arch your back infront of him.
"You were enjoying your time hm? Having the attention of so many boys on you. You are loving it, I could see it on your face." Yuuta ran his fingers through your hair.
"Yuuta they’re our friends, you know I would never see it like tha-hmp!" The sudden noice escapes your lips as you feel him shove himself inside of you without preparation.
You squeeze the edges if the desk as he slammed into you. Making you go forward and making you stand on your tipi toes. Grabbing a fistful of hair he brought you closer to his mouth.
"You rather have someone else’s attention right?" He moved the mirror so it could reflect the door. "Well let’s see how much of their attention you want if they walk through that door." He says as he lets go and starts pounding you.
"Yuuta! Ngh- your over reacting!" You say trying your best to making him slow down. "You wouldn't possibly be serious about letting them see me like this!" you say biting your lip to create less noise.
you need to be on high alert, listening to everything going on outside so you could know wen they where coming. Yuuta on the other hand didn't care. You could hear him groan and breath heavily every time he pulled back and slammed into you.
As you looked in the mirror you could see his tired eyes looking at you, refusing to look away for a second. Pulling your shirt up with a quick hard tug your breast are exposed to the air. With no second thoughts he squeezed your nipples causing you to let out a cry.
"its cute watching your sad attempts on keeping quiet." he smiles as he kisses the nape of your neck.
Moving his hands onto your hips he lift you up a bit with no issue. Then he slams into you once causing you to gasp. He was hitting such a deep part of you that you never knew he could reach. your hands fly to your mouth as he uses you as his personal cock sleeve.
your feet where no longer on the floor but you held onto the desk for support. You could hear him mumbling under his breath but you couldn’t decipher what he was saying from how foggy your mind was.
"Please, please, i'm so sorry. Just stop before you they come in here." You turn to look at him with teary eyes.
Yuta rasies his brows and stands there in thought for a second. Trying to determine if he was going to listen to you.
"Fine," Yuuta smiles
you sigh in relief.
"After I finish of course." Yuuta holds a strong grip on your hips so you could stop moving around.
"yuut- mph!" you try to stop him but was cut of by the sudden penetration. Sliding inside and out in a painfully slow pace. Obviously he was taking his time to finish so your friends wouldn’t run into you in this situation.
You couldn't help but end a glare onto his way.
"alright, alright, don't get an attitude with me now. I'll give you what you want.
He buries his face by the crook of your neck and wraps his arms around you. shoving himself as deep as he could until you let out small whimpers. After adjusting himself well he began to rail you. whispering small little praises into your ear as you took him incredibly well.
#yuta okkotsu#yuta okkotsu x you#yuta okkotsu x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x y/n#yuta okkotsu x y/n#jjk yuuta#yuta okkotsu smut#yuuta okkotsu#yuuta smut#okkotsu yuuta#yuuta x reader#yuta x reader#yuta oneshot#yuta x y/n#jjk yuta#okkotsu yuuta x reader#yuuta x you
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#but actually can you guys say a prayer about teaching for me?#I know it’s mostly because it’s the end of the year#but a lot of stuff is just forcing its way to the surface#and basically it’s just me struggling with my natural strengths as a teacher and the boundaries of appropriateness that are necessary#to maintain it#like first of all. the beast that is my anxiety compounds everything and makes it so scary and terrible#secondly I thought I had. Like. A total handle on all of it#Teaching and boundaries I mean#and of course I do not#and part of it is that the anxiety that always kept me within the right lines is just shifting and changing#and I’m just distanced from some of the stuff that used to keep me grounded#like my family right now!#the new adulthood is adulting!#anyway like. I am not doing anything inappropriate or close to it (sounds like I am when I deny it lol)#but I am aware in a new and newly exhausted way of the absolute dangers#of being the kind of teacher who uses all of my personality etc. to wake kids up#And make them respond#but then still have to want to need to keep certain boundaries up#And I’m trying to figure it out but of course I CAN’t Do it perfectly#and then it’s so hard when your personal life is so hard and you’ve just gone through so much change in such a fast period of time#And it just feels like everything is spinning#and your heart aches and you’re tired and you just feel like you’re right at the center of all this emotional chaos#and all these people who wanna pull you off course and get you to cross certain lines#and some of the lines are just weird and arbitrary boundaries you put up to protect yourself when you started teaching at 23#Because you HAD to#So you can take some of them down and it’s fine but then there are some boundaries you know you need to keep up#And it’s more subtle than the black and white stuff re: appropriateness#Just the stuff that protects you and makes it easier to be the kind of teacher and influence that you want to be#and just trying to figure it all out while you’re exhausted and it’s the end of the school year#it’s just a LOT. A lot a lot
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girl help I’m experiencing
#weird addendum but pls don’t reblog my vent posts??? why would you even want to????#everything has been So Much lately and I wasn’t gonna vent but then I remembered this is my blog and I can do what I want#one of my best friends left the country last week and he’ll be gone for like two years and I’m so sad without him around#I mean he’s been messaging me every day since he left but it’s still hard not having him here yknow?#and I’m moving into his place but it requires a lot of work before I can so I’m always exhausted#and my joints have all but given out on me completely so I’m always covered in KT tape and braces#which doesn’t gel very well with moving furniture and heavy boxes#and I have no money so I need to be job searching but I can’t do that until I move. BUT I NEED MONEY TO MOVE#on top of that my grandpa died and there’s so much family drama involving that it’s unreal#and weirdly the thing I’ve recently felt bad about is I’ve been neglecting my self imposed Fandom Duties#maybe not fandom specifically but like. creative duties#I want to write fic. I want to draw. I want to read and comment on other people’s stuff#I also really want to do more of my non fandom writing because I want to get something published this year. but i got no good idea aaack#or early next year#and I’ve just had like. no time at all to do any of it and the time I have had I’ve been too drained to do it#ughghghghghghggh#I think today I will drink and try to write something. as a treat.#after I go on a reblog spree to bury this because emotions are very embarrassing#anyway how are you?
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Doin bad again folx
#might delete later I’m just wide awake and miserable#summer bill came out today and it’s $7100 not including housing which will be $2400#literally dunno how im gonna pay for that and my dad is. adding to the emotional turmoil of it all#not able to get a loan at least not before the bill is due#able to get aid luckily but again who knows when or how much#my bday is tomorrow and for months I’ve been like please just let my bday be a good day i need one#i need some hope. not that I haven’t had good experiences lately bc I have. but nothing that lasts#nothing i get to feel good about for more than a day before a new problem drops#I need to enjoy my birthday without feeling this deep dark dread and fear and fucking guilt and hopelessness#I have fun plans for today And tomorrow and I’m grateful but honestly stressed about that too#bc it’s gonna be a lot + bc of all I need to do outside of that#+ I don’t get to spend my bday w friends the way I want like I have one friend Maybe coming w me#my bday is supposed to feel celebratory and instead it feels like absolutely forcing some illusion of choice or joy in my life#on top of it all. the most peaceful I usually ever feel is in bed w my partner and now my body won’t even let me hold or be held by them#currently laying next to them not touching them so I at least don’t keep them up w how physically miserable I am rn#I’m literally always physically miserable at this point and it feels like spring is never gonna come and provide any relief#but it’s like can I at least be cozy w them. nope instead I’m wide awake facing various horrors#despite being permanently exhausted and falling asleep in class after 40 ounces of coffee#Im just. so fucking unhappy in life rn dude I don’t want life to be like this forever with the constant threat of it getting much worse#fucking shred of joy in this godforsaken world: the sleep noises they r making rn#mine#txt#vent post#suicidal ideation tw#<- cry for help
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good god.. been dealing with THINGS. very many of them
#i worked from home this whole week and only went in today and it was expectedly super exhausting and not productive#but i also worked the whole weekend too and i am so totally spent like burnt out emotionally and on every other level LMAO. anyway#i came home to roommate and she was like oh I was hoping you’d want to go for a walk and i was like listen my love i am not in shape to#even breathe-in breathe-out right now without falling apart and she was like ok got it! and went for the walk herself and she brought back#my favorite sour candies and my favorite watermelon cider and . oh my god get this i’ve been meaning to replace the battery on my AirTag i#keep in my car bc I always park it where the fuck ever and forget#and she actually got me the AirTag as a bday gift but i digress. anyway i always forget which battery i need and she went and bought it for#me and said this is to ‘refill your battery hehe’ and i’ve also . been told some other things like borderline incredible things (positive)#(not by her but well. someone else. shan’t say it and such)#and it’s just sooooo much all at once i feel like i’m exploding i need to decompress for one thousand years#like this is mostly positive trust me i just have not been shown love for so direly insanely long and now im receiving it in a genuine way#and idk how to even deal with it or how to express my gratefulness like how do you. how do you begin to give all of that back im dizzy
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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I feel like people don’t tell you exactly how much your life will change after you have kids. I think they assume that you know this but I honestly thought that my relationships, friendships, my personality, my self in general would all stay the same and I’d just have this little guy with me too, but that’s really just not the case? And I was not ready for that. Not at all.
#personal#and not to be that person who just had negative things to say#but if anyone were to ask me like genuinely ask me and want my honest answer about this then I’d be 100% blunt#it’s incredibly rewarding and I love my kid so much I’ve never felt a love like this before#but I’ve lost myself entirely#my marriage isn’t the same#my relationship with my family isn’t the same#my friendships aren’t the same#I’m exhausted all the time#I’m a dick to those closest to me because I’m exhausted all the time#I feel like I have no help or support#I feel like I don’t want any help or support either because fuck it I will do it all myself I don’t need anyone#I’m misunderstood always#I’m not seen.#no one sees me anymore.#anyways today is not a good day plz disregard this#i’ll probably delete this later
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genuinely, when will it end??? I am so tired of being here and I am not sure how much longer I can push myself to keep going. i’m exhausted.
#it’s 4am and I am feeling the Deep Darkies#I literally passed out at 9pm from mental exhaustion & also bc I wanted to start to get up early to start a morning routine#so I actually got a ton of sleep but the second I woke up I felt like I wanted to cry and now I feel so depressed out of no where#like girl WHYYYY#genuinely I am so debilitatingly depressed I have suicidal thoughts every single day#and I feel like ive tried everything to help myself like ive been to therapy ive been on and off meds for over a decade at this point#im starting to eat better and sleep more#like what the duck else do I do?#I genuinely feel like my brain is broken#I just want to cry and lay in bed every single day#like I cannot articulate the profound sadness into words but it’s. so bad#and it takes literally all my brain power to do one assignment a day for class like none of this is sustainable#and I just feel so much shame over it bc whenever I tell my mom she gets mad like it effects her or something and the few times ive made th#mistake of trying to confide in my dad he gave me the whole pull yourself up by the bootstraps talk so never again lol#my entire family has made me feel so much shame over it and none of my friends here even bother to ask how I feel and don’t make me feel#comfortable enough to talk to bc i’m always the fucking therapist friend helping everyone else#hence why I always vent on here lol I have no one to talk to#I just really don’t know what to do at this point like I feel like I need inpatient therapy at this point but that’s expensive and I don’t#want to tell my job why i’d need extended time off bc that would be so embarrassing and plus now i’m in school#so like what do I do#im tired of feeling like this I know this isn’t how life is supposed to be but it’s also all ive ever known#and what’s the point of living if i’m going to feel like this everyday? I don’t know how much longer I can take it#personal
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sick of making plans with a specific friend only for her to not reach out abt actually hanging out until the afternoon after i’ve waited all day to hear back from her or for her to just cancel last minute entirely after i’ve again waited all day to hear back from her
#like i genuinely fucking get that sometimes life is exhausting and you’re tired and sometimes you need to take care of urself before hanging#out with people but for it to be so fucking consistent is exhausting for ME#we don’t even fucking make plans that often it’s literally maybe once a fucking month if that#like you’re telling me somehow whenever we have plans that’s when you’re SOOOOOO exhausted ?????? but you left the house 39203 other times#to do shit that takes up way more mental capacity than sitting bat your house smoking weed for a while and catching up?????#i just don’t fucking get it dude i really don’t#if i make plans with someone and the day of i don’t want to anymore i always tell them right fucking away so they don’t spend all day waitin#around and planning their entire day around it just to get fucked over#idk i’m just frustrated and probably need to eat something and i’ll be less angry#i’m just like. upset bc i don’t understand why she only ever seems to cancel on me or only seems to be soooooo exhausted when it’s the day#we planned to hang out like i just think it’s unfair to me and i Have expressed this in general before so it’s like ok cool#thanks for taking my own feelings and time into consideration 🙄🙄😐#like i literally love and adore my friends more than life itself and it just hurts and is shitty when someone doesn’t act the same even tho#they’ve said the opposite idk#i genuinely hope i don’t sound like a dick right now bc i truly really understand when ppl are mentally exhausted or deal with chronic issue#issues* bc fucking SAME HERE I ALSO DEAL WITH ALL RHAT so it’s like idk i just don’t wanna sound like a dick i am just upset i’m not feeling#like i’m loved the same as i love people idk this always happens to me i feel like i just love too much and i over project and then when i#don’t get the same things in return i feel like people actually don’t like me or secretly are tryin to separate from me idk it’s shitty i#hate it so bad i want a normal brain this shitnfucking sucks#my brain is going too hard now tho i need to stop before i spiral for real right here right now on tumblr dot com
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