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everseeking · 3 years

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hello!! It's your relief story anon!!! i friken love what you wrote!!! may i have another request 🥺 similar to the relief story, Levi's s/o gets into a near death experience right in front of him and he freezes for the first time. everyone's super shocked abt it after the mission and he gets reprimanded just for formalities (erwin n hanji rlly just wanna check up on him personally) but they all understand since he's been through a lot. Levi can't deal with his emotions and he wants to say i love you to his s/o (first time saying it) but he doesn't know how and yes HAHAHAHA

- OMG HI AGAIN ! IM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ENJOYED IT THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!!! thank you again not only for requesting that, but also for requesting again, it’s so awesome when u guys come back and request more :) plus your ideas are always so great. i had a lot of fun writing this, i hope u enjoy <3 (and i got your second message tysm for adding it ! i tried to include as much fluff as possible but my dumb brain always defaults to angst hahaha)

how to say i love you

- levi ackerman x reader

warnings: season 2 and ova spoilers (if you haven’t watched the ova’s yet they’re on youtube but this only references ‘a choice with no regrets’ aka levi’s ova)

levi has never had...feelings for anyone before.

the romantic kind, of course. he's felt plenty of things towards people on a regular basis—anger. hate. disgust. confusion. annoyance. frustration.

to be fair he has had the occasional friend, or the occasional person who he respected, and others who he flat out wanted to protect. just never anything romantic.

this didn’t bother him, falling in love wasn’t his top priority or anything. his life has been one traumatic experience after the other. there was no time for him to be romantically involved with another, nor was he willing to take the risk of potential heartbreak that would add to his constantly growing list of traumatic events.

when he first met y/n l/n he acknowledged her as nothing more than another member of the survey corps. someone he would work with. someone he would train with. someone who he would give orders to if deemed necessary. someone who would join his team. someone he would slowly become more curious about. someone who would bring him feelings that he couldn't describe in words.

his plans had clearly gone astray.

y/n was supposed to be nothing more than a colleague, but somehow fate had much more in store. the young girl began to appear more and more in his life and before he could even process it, she was already apart of his team.

now that the they were spending almost everyday together, along with the rest of his team, levi had the opportunity to try to solve the mystery that was y/n.

there was something that he felt about her that he couldn't put into words. the way she was determined to save humanity and her friends, the way she poured everything she had into everything she did, the way she was strong in every aspect of the word, the way she got along with the rest of the team, the way she laughed, the way she smiled, the way she spoke, the way she moved, all of it. it all encapsulated him.

what is this emotion ? fascination ? curiosity ? these words weren’t completely right, but they safe enough for him to settle on for now.

yes, that's all. the brat just makes me curious because i don't understand her.

at least, that's what he told himself. but the tingles that remained on his skin from the place where she accidentally brushed up against him or the way his stomach felt after his eyes met hers or the way he noticed himself always wanting to be near her or the way he wanted to protect her more than anything in the world, said otherwise.

whatever message he wanted to send probably definitely was not passed on. when y/n accidentally brushed up against him he snapped back "watch it." when she made eye contact with him, it was more her meeting his eyes and him seemingly glaring back. when he took a few steps towards her to be closer, she felt paranoid, wondering if he was determining whether or not he should scold her for something. when she was on missions and he occasionally had to step in and save her tail, she felt like she was slacking.

truthfully in all these situations levi just resorted back to his true nature. he never meant any harm so clearly he wasn’t the best at expressing his feelings. henceforth, the three word phrase was foreign to him.

after all the many challenges that came with trying to understand each other, the couple finally got together. but despite being together, neither had said the 'L word’ yet.

to be honest, y/n hadn’t dwelled on it too much. she had learned the best way to survive mentally was to live in the moment. when the time would come, the time would come, however, the thought that time wasn’t a guarantee gnawed at the back of her brain. she always wondered how levi felt about the matter, but never got around to asking. little did he know he’d once again find out for himself that time wasn’t a guarantee.

just like every other day, y/n awoke to levi placing a kiss on her forehead. he wished nothing more than to let the love of his life sleep late into the morning in their shared bed, safe from the dangers of the world, but there was another mission today in which he needed her by his side.

the plan was to head to the outskirts of wall rose to a forest that was known to be surrounded by titans. hanji convinced erwin to let her try to capture titans in the forest again, as it all but worked on the female titan. erwin agreed, not only because he too believed the survey corps had all the materials necessary to capture titans again, but also because he knew the scouts needed more real time practice in the forest. levi wasn’t happy to hear the commander refer to this as “practice,” since so many lives were guaranteed to be lost in the process, but there was nothing he could do about it.

with everyone’s approval and the preparations complete, they were off. the ride there had been as close to smooth sailing as possible, with erwin successfully rerouting the troops to avoid as many unnecessary collisions with titans as possible and a surprisingly low amount of abnormals in their path. but everyone knew the real problems would be up ahead.

in this area, the titans were mainly surrounding the thick trees in the forest. it wasn’t too far from the forest where they encountered the female titan so the layout of the jungle was fairly similar. a large path ran straight through the trees, leaving the scouts lots of opportunities.

before the forest itself came into view, the hoard otherworldly creatures showed up. the crowd of titans didn’t seem to be too bad, with none surpassing ten meters. a bit of the outer edges of the formation took a hit, but everyone else made it into the woods unscathed.

unlike the last time levi’s squad was in the forest, their objective was not to be the bait. instead, they were to take to the trees and be on clean up duty. it was a little different from their normal clean up duty, as they weren’t doing chores around the castle or cabin—they were eliminating stray titans. the survey corps was only prepared to capture two titans, so any others that entered needed to be exterminated.

they weren’t the only ones with this job, but erwin placed them as the last hoop the titans had to get through before they were captured. any titans that escaped the first few groups were more likely than not going to be challenging, so they needed to be left with the most talented squad.

the eight scouts that made up levi’s squad traveled the path that cut through the forest until they found the four trees in which they were to set up camp. levi and jean were on the first tree, armin and sasha on the one across from them, connie and mikasa on the next, and y/n and eren on the fourth. the formation placed y/n and levi diagonal from each other so they could each defend half of the younger scouts in their squad if necessary, as well as had the team in pairs that weren’t often together for even more practice.

the ground rumbled beneath the group as they looked down to see the first wave of soldiers acting as bait pass through. after some time and a few more waves, including hanji and erwin who were in charge of the traps, everyone passed through and the titans came into sight.

the ground troops had all reported that no abnormals or titans above ten meters made it in so they all relaxed—or relaxed as one can be when they’re facing man-eating giants. levi recognized the last troop passing through and gave his second in command a nod which she returned, letting everyone else know it was show time.

the rumbling of the ground from the horses before was nothing compared to that of the titans. not counting the first two, there were nine titans in all. everyone gave a silent thanks to the squads who had narrowed down the hoard before it arrived to them.

finally, the first two titans ran past the trees levi’s squad was hidden in, chasing the ground troops. with a loud “now !” from levi, the rest of them deployed from their hiding places. thanks to the squad’s impeccable teamwork and countless hours of training in forests closer to home, the remaining seven titans were taken out without a hitch. y/n couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride as she watched her team improve with every mission and it was obvious they all felt the same way. the way they beamed and had to hold back their celebration was as a clear as day.

the team regrouped, with y/n checking the younger members for any life threatening wounds and levi double checking all the titans were taken care of. she had just finished examining sasha when levi came back and announced the next step of today’s plan. everyone was to head forward to meet the other troops and aid in getting the titans back to the walls. although the titans may be secured, there were still infinite possibilities for catastrophes that could happen so they needed all the backup they could get. the young cadets nodded in agreement then followed after levi as he took to the sky, with y/n tailing the rest of the group. if y/n and levi weren’t side by side during missions, this was always the formation everyone fell into. levi led the way, protecting the front of the party, and she acted as the caboose to make sure no one got left behind as well as to protect them from the back.

after a few failed tricks from eren as he tried to show off with his gear and a quick scolding from levi, the rest of the scouts came into view. the mission appeared to be a success. the final two titans were both apprehended, one nailed to the ground and the other bound in the air.

squad levi landed and began to greet everyone but didn’t get very far when hanji’s squeals flooded everyone’s ears.

the scientist was practically bouncing up and down as she came over. “squad levi ! all in one piece, i see. let me show you what we’ve done,” she gushed, ushering all of them towards the titans.

it was no surprise she was so excited. she had been waiting for this day to arrive for ages, but levi still gave a quick “tch,” under his breath out of annoyance which forced y/n to cover her mouth with her palm to stifle a laugh.

the eight, now nine, of them cranned their necks up to see the side of the beast that was hammered into the ground. the sight would’ve been cruel if it were anything other than a titan, but remembering all the pain they’ve brought to each one of them, no one did so much as bat an eye. returning the focus back to hanji, everyone watched as she took a sharp inhale to prepare for her long ramble about how everything worked. lucky for y/n, before hanji could exhale, levi grabbed his partner’s arm and pulled her away.

he pulled her close so he could whisper in her ear, “come on, let’s go find erwin.”

as much as she wanted to argue with him and tell him he was being mean, she really didn’t want to listen to hanji’s spiel that she had heard a million times over. a tiny pang of guilt struck y/n for leaving the other half of the squad behind forced to listen to her, but sometimes everyone has to take one for the team.

she threw a quick wave over her shoulder to the others, then followed levi, who was still holding her arm, as he dragged her through the crowd of other scouts who were just floating around, waiting for orders, until he finally spotted the commander.

the tall man’s eyes fell upon the pair and he drew himself away from whomever he was speaking with to come greet them.

“ah levi, y/n,” erwin began. levi’s expression stayed the same but y/n offered the man a small smile and wave which he returned with a nod. erwin was actually the one who recommended to levi that he should consider y/n to be apart of his squad, so she heavily credited him entirely with starting your relationship with levi (even if levi disagreed every time she told him this).

levi and erwin fell into formal conversation, discussing the remainder of the mission, which left y/n realizing levi hadn’t really saved her from a talk you’ve heard countless times before, but instead brought her into another one.

hanji’s rambling would have been more interesting than this she thought to yourself as she began lazily scanned the small sea of scouts scrambling around, looking for a way to entertain yourself until the two men were done talking. one group in particular caught her eyes.

the soldiers seemed to be much more jittery than everyone else. they frantically looked amongst each other and towards the titan that hanji had just finished showing the rest of levi’s squad, and seemed to be contemplating a solution to an unknown issue.

it was clear something was up.

just as she placed her hand on levi’s shoulder to bring his and erwin’s focus over to the scene, the ground began to shake, which caught their attention for her.

no one had time to react when dust flew up everywhere, obstructing everyone’s views so they couldn’t see where the loud crashes that followed came from. a strong force slammed into them, throwing them who knows how far into the air. the fear of hitting the ground barely had enough time to settle into y/n before everything went dark.

everyone in the vicinity had been sent flying into the air along, but levi was the first one to be up on his feet again. bringing his arms up to shield his eyes, he decided to stay where he was as the dust cleared so he could assess the situation and move on from there.

the scene finally came into view; he gathered that the titan had ripped its arm through the nails that secured it to the floor of the woods, then flailed it around in an attempt to grab people. it made a clean sweep in the area that he was previously standing—all that was left were debris and broken wood planks from the compartments that were attached to the other titan’s traps.

a wave of adrenaline passed through his body as he remembered who was with him. he needed to find not only erwin immediately, but also y/n. he reached down to grab the handles of his controller grip but froze instantly upon seeing what had just come into view as more of the dust cleared.

y/n was sprawled out on the ground, ODM gear tossed a few feet away from her body but more importantly, the titan’s hand was hovering mere meters above her.

his pulse almost quickened twicehold, but it felt as though it heart had stopped in his chest. situations like this presented themselves to levi almost everyday of his life, but this was much different. in those, he was almost two steps ahead. he knew that by now he should be wrapping his arms around y/n and pulling her to safety at breakneck speed, or even better, he should’ve shielded her from harm at the very beginning. but right now he couldn’t do so much as move his finger.

levi was completely inert—his arms felt like they being weighed down by a ball and chain, his legs felt like they had grown roots into the ground that planted in him place. his throat ran dry and his stomach felt like it had just done a flip. the rest of him went numb while shock consumed his body, physically and mentally, rendering him entirely helpless.

images of isabel, farlan, petra, oluo, eld, gunther, and countless others all flashed before him, the same running theme echoed in his mind—he wasn’t able to save them. all he had to do was pull back a single index finger. this would launch one of his anchors into the back of the titan’s neck, sending him flying to slice its nape. but he couldn’t do it. the only thing he knew he had the power to do was watch helplessly as his partner would be eaten alive.

the shouts of others flooded his ears as his senses slowly began to return to him, but it didn’t matter. he couldn’t make out a thing. frankly he wished he could so he could break away from the things that occupied his mind now. shame. guilt. humiliation. fear. regret. he took for granted every moment he had ever spent with y/n. every smile she gave him. every time he embraced her. every kiss. every conversation they shared under the stars while everyone else was fast asleep. every opportunity he had but failed to tell her that he—

before he finished his thought someone finally broke through his trance. erwin was the one who was able to crack the surface and bring him back to life.

the commander was shouting levi’s name, hoping, praying, to wake him up from whatever was going on in his head. levi was still unable feel his body, but he realized he was moving as the ground began to grow smaller. one of erwin’s strong arms hooked around levi’s middle and they were flying away from the chaos below. the commander spared a glance to levi to see the man’s eyes were still trained on y/n.

the feeling returned to levi’s body as he felt the pain of being thrown onto one of the thick tree branches surge through his body. not knowing how else to bring him back from the trance that wasn’t full broken, erwin had tossed off of him levi instead of placing him down gently.

he watched as levi scrambled up and expected him to yell back for throwing him, but the response was much different.

“where is she ??” levi demanded. his eyes may have been on y/n the whole time, but his mind was elsewhere replaying scenes from the past. he had no idea if she had been eaten, or even survived the initial attack. the only think he saw was her body on the ground, unmoving.

“safe,” erwin confirmed. “hanji ran over just in time and got her. but what happened to you ?” no one had ever seen levi freeze up the way he did. others believed it was just fear which made him seem a little more human to them, but erwin knew it was more than that.

throughout the years, erwin watched levi witness the deaths of those closest to him, and even then he was still able to act. but after seeing him go rigid, erwin was more than worried. it was clear levi went into shock, however, shock runs more than skin deep.

this became even more evident to him as levi remained silent the entire way back to the walls. y/n was still unconscious, so one of the open carts was her escort. guilt continued to wash over levi as he wasn’t able to ride in the cart with her to monitor her closely because he had to ride his horse back. regardless, he stayed as close to the cart as possible and stole as many glances her way as he could.

if he had it his way, he would’ve waited outside the infirmary for y/n when they arrived back home, but hanji and erwin practically dragged him to the mess hall to replenish his energy. this may or may not be skipping the part where levi was questioned about what happened, followed by him being chastised for his actions (or lack there of). levi could bare focus even though it was such a serious conversation. his mind was still a hazy mess. as much as hanji and erwin wanted to talk to levi more about the situtation, they knew it was best for the conversation to end there for the day. levi looked so shaken up that he could barely keep himself standing so the last thing he needed was to be yelled at more. the entire corps also made sure to steer clear of the man. he usually had all his emotions hidden but they were on full display now. it still scared the hell out of them.

but the fear alone wasn’t enough to stop them from whispering to themselves. word carried fast about how captain levi froze up and watched one of his squad mates almost die. the ones who only heard about the story instead of witnessing it couldn’t believe what they were hearing. the captain levi did nothing while one of his own almost became titan food ?

hearing the whispers in passing, levi didn’t care that they were talking about him, but he was still affected. their words just made reality sink deeper into him. they weren’t the only ones who were unable to believe what happened. he really just watched helplessly as someone almost died. and it wasn’t just someone, it was his other half.

“hey levi ?” hanji voiced, pulling him out of his head. levi didn’t bother looking up from his food that he had been staring at for the past few minutes to face her. the best he could to was give her a side glance as he peered at her from the corner of his eyes and waited for her to finish.

the glare he was sending her way made her blood run cold, but she took the hint and continued. “are you alright ?” she asked in a small voice.

“does it look like i’m alright ?” he growled back, then went back to eating.

“just wanted to ask,” she added with an awkward laugh then turned to erwin who was on the other side of her. for once in her life she knew not to press any harder, but making levi upset wasn’t her intention. she was genuinely worried about him. hanji gave erwin a what do i do now ? look, hoping for some help, but erwin could only shake his head. he cared about levi just as much as she did, but he knew there was nothing either of them could do or say to make levi feel better. the only thing he needed was to see y/n.

at last, levi finished his dinner and excused himself to go find his partner. as his feet carried him at a quick pace across the stone floors of the many hallways in HQ, fear came back to his already grim mind. there was no word on y/n’s condition so he assumed no progress had been made and she was still unconscious.

needless to say, when he rounded the corner and saw her sitting on the bench right outside the infirmary swiveling her heels and tapping her toes together as if she was bored, shock overcame him once again, this time on a much lower scale. similar to just a few hours ago, he was frozen instantly upon seeing her. it was a much prettier sight this time, but it was still painful to see. the bandage that wrapped around her head peaked out from being any strands of hair that fell in front of her face, other wraps and patches plastered themselves across her arms and legs, and some purple and blue splotches peaked out from behind them. this was only the skin that was exposed. for once in his life levi didn’t want to think about what she looked like when she weren’t wearing any clothes. he made a quick mental note to later place tender kisses on all her bumps and bruises, and took of running towards her.

y/n had been discharged from the infirmary during dinner hours, so the halls has been quite empty as she sat outside alone, falling into boredom. when the first sounds of shoes hitting the ground entered her ears, she got a bit excited, but calmed herself down reminding herself it probably wasn’t him. but when the steps got quicker and louder, she finally let yourself look up to see up to see her partner was the source. there was no point in holding back anyone; her face visibly lit up and a wide smile placed itself on her lips. just like levi, y/n wanted nothing more in the entire world than to see him.

he run turned to a jog then a complete stop as he halted in front of her. despite being so anxious to see one another, neither were really prepared. they just kinda...stared at each other, neither sure of the right words to say. levi decided to take the initiative. he opened his mouth, hoping something, anything, would come out, but his attempt fell flat. words just weren’t enough. instead, he lifted his arms and placed both hands gently on y/n’s shoulders. she caught on quickly, standing up at the same time as he was pulling her into his arms for a tight embrace.

the pair remained silent in each other’s arms until y/n decided to take initiative this time and finally spoke. “is it true ?” she mumbled against his neck, barely loud enough for him to hear.

as much as he had hoped the gossip would stay in the mess hall, levi knew that inevitably word would spread to her. someone must have told her everything that happened, leaving in every little detail about how levi made no moves to save her life, ending up having to be saved by hanji in the end.

based off his silence, y/n knew levi had a lot on his mind so she continued “did you really freeze up?”

he didn’t realize it, but he had tensed up at her words. it absolutely pained him to answer, but he couldn’t imagine the pain she were feeling.

summing up his courage, he began to confirm the worst, but she pulled away before he could get more than a “yes,” out. levi braced himself for the hurt expression that he would be faced with, knowing his heart would break instantly as she realized he truly did failed to protect her, but instead he was met with kind eyes and soft face.

the look on his face had utter disbelief written all over it as her hands went up to cup his face that was now reddening. “are you okay?” y/n asked softly. “im so sorry.”

levi was beyond bewildered. he wanted her to be furious at him. yell at him. pull her soft hands back and strike him as much as she pleased. tell him he failed and that she couldn’t stand the sight of him. he knew he deserved it all and more, but he should’ve known she would never do that. that wasn’t y/n.

he melted into her touch and placing one of his hand over one of hers that remained on his cheek. “i was terrified, y/n.”

y/n finally gave him one of her beautiful smiles and giggled softly. “why were you scared ? i was the one who almost got eaten,” she teased.

y/n’s laughs had quickly subsided after seeing the serious look that had etched itself onto levi’s face. “because you were in danger,” he started.

“i don’t know what id do with myself if i lost you, i...”

“i love you, y/n.”

it was finally y/n’s turn to get a taste of the shock that levi had been experiencing all day. she could’ve sworn her heart skipped a beat at his words, followed by butterfly wings tickling the inside of her tummy, her eyes widening and jaw falling slack. her hands slowly slipped from his face to instead place one of her palms on her chest to make sure her heart was indeed pumping at a regular pace.

levi, on the other hand, was not having a magical experience. y/n’s reaction made him feel as though his feelings weren’t reciprocated despite having been together for so long. he started to get deeper into his head, negative thoughts starting to eat away at him once again, when she finally spoke.

“i love you too, levi,” she breathed out, still too stunned to breathe properly.

levi had had enough of being unable to move for one day. one of his hands grabbed y/n’s waist while the other found its way to the back of her head, as he kissed her roughly, which she eagerly returned. the way he felt her grin against his lips was enough to make all the pain and fear he had experienced that day worth it.

he couldn’t have asked for a better outcome to such a shitty day.

levi had finally learned how to say i love you and he thanked the stars every night following that day that y/n was the one who taught him how.

#attack on titan #aot #attack on titan x reader #aot x reader #shingeki no kyojin #snk #shingeki no kyojin x reader #snk x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackermann #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackermann x reader #levi x reader

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awakeneddragon · 4 years

Text

List of Kin Experiences

A while back, I decided to compile a list of various experiences that I’ve had that I consider to be at least slightly non-human in nature. I thought I would finally share it here.

The basic layout/template was made by @a-dragons-journal, but the writing is my own.

Phantom Limbs: This is a common thing to experience in the otherkin community, and describes feeling limbs that are not physically there. Though my own experiences with this are quite tame in comparison to others (as some have reported being able to feel when these “limbs” are touched), this is something that I’ve gone through for many years without thinking too much of it.

Feeling myself having claws/talons was a regular occurrence for me. Though I couldn’t “see” their specific appearance, I definitely knew they were there and was able to “move” them. This was an involuntary and consistent thing that happened. I remember being pretty insistent on keeping my nails long due to this, and it always felt wrong when they were clipped.

Feeling a tail was somewhat common as well, as were ears that would flatten or raise themselves depending on my emotions/what was happening around me. My teeth also sometimes felt sharper than they actually are. I don’t experience most of these as much as I used to, but not to the point that they’re rare.

Connection To Dragons: I’ve always had a large fascination with dragons. I'd become really attached to dragon characters in media and overall just connected with them more than other types of characters.

I remember how I would sometimes imagine myself having a dragon form, and one of the imaginary friends I had was also a dragon. When I learned of the existence of roleplaying on the internet, my characters almost always had something to do with them (could transform into one, had a dragon ally, etc.) Whenever a movie, show, game, or whatever else depicted a dragon (no matter their role), my interest was immediately piqued.

I became really interested in learning more about the different types and the many stories that have been written about them. I remember being upset when learning that a lot of the stories were of dragons being portrayed as cruel, selfish, and violent, as that didn't match my perception of them at all. I always saw them as these incredibly intelligent and gentle creatures that only attacked when threatened, or at least believed them to have more of a variety of personalities than what the media displays them to have.

I would also cling onto anything that suggested the possibility of them existing elsewhere, either in the past or in the present. Even as a kid I believed in different dimensions and the possibility of "mythological" creatures existing in ones separate from ours or on separate planets. Anything that connected me specifically to dragons was always a delight as well, such as me learning that I was born in the year of the dragon. Though zodiacs to most people are often seen as dismissible nonsense, it truly meant something to me and admittedly still does.

Connection To Nature/Elements: Though it’s a fairly normal occurrence even for those who are non-otherkin, being out in nature is incredibly calming to me. However, what may set other people’s experiences and mine apart is the sense of familiarity I feel or the urges I experience in certain locations. There have been multiple occasions where I’ve told myself, “I swear I’ve been here or somewhere similar before”, despite the fact that I never actually have.

With weather, nothing calms me more than being outside when it’s cold and windy. It’s a feeling of pure euphoria that I don’t really experience from anything else, and usually succeeds in making me feel like running around on all fours and just generally doing various animalistic things.

In terms of elements, I’ve always felt most connected to ice and wind, though occasionally I’ll feel a connection with water in terms of small bodies of it (rivers, streams, etc.) or storms.

Self-image: Though I often liked to imagine myself as a dragon when I was younger, this habit became much more significant when I acknowledged my draconity and remembered the appearance of my past form. Ever since this discovery, in my day to day life it’s impossible for me to see myself as entirely human. I know that I’m not, and there is no denying that fact for me. Whatever I’m doing; whether that be typing, walking, or eating… It’s become almost instinctual for me to envision my dragon form in the place of my human body. When I look in the mirror, my normal appearance just feels so unnatural in comparison to my kintype.

Non-human Noises: Making noises that are more similar to the sounds an animal would make is something that I’ve been doing for as long as I can remember. It’s my instinctive reaction to a lot of emotions. Snarling, growling, and hissing are all sounds that I commonly make, though on rare occasions I have made low rumbles that could be considered some sort of purr. Making and listening to these sounds is comforting to me. You can hear an example of some of the noises I make in my blog.

Movement/Expression: I don’t think I could even give an accurate number to the amount of times I’ve wanted to walk on all fours. I haven’t attempted to in a long time since I know it won’t be as satisfying as I’d like it to be, but imagining it feels so much more natural than walking on two legs.

Another notable thing for me is how unnatural it sometimes feels to use forks and spoons when eating. It doesn’t really matter what it is; I usually prefer to eat things with my hands. As you can imagine, I’ve always been a bit of a messy eater, though I do at least know now to keep my manners in check.

When experiencing anger, I often feel the urge to bare my teeth and/or dig my nails into whatever they’re in contact with.

In addition to this, I got in the habit of copying the movements of various dragon characters (Toothless, Spyro, Draco, Haku, etc.) They always felt more “right” to me.

Combat Instincts: The few times I’ve had a heated interaction with someone, I often felt the urge to claw them instead of punching them like most other humans would do in a fight. In fact, when I was a very young kid, my first instinct was to scratch people that made me upset/uncomfortable. I’m glad that I've grown out of that habit, but it was another reason that I disliked my nails being short. I saw them as the default/best method to defend myself.

Flight Instincts: Though I’m sure many wish to fly, I’m unsure if it often reaches the intensity of the desires that I often feel. Whether I’m outside or simply seeing an image where the sky is present, my very first instinct is to fly. It’s not simply a want; it’s something that I truly believe I was able to do at some point. I can very vividly imagine and “feel” what it’s like to experience the wind against my “fur” and see the ground far beneath me. This urge usually arrives in my mind before reality sets in and reminds me that flying isn’t possible with this form, and it’s something that gives me a deep level of sadness that is unmatched by almost anything else.

Prey Drive: This is a very rare thing for me, though I figured it was notable enough to include. On a few occasions when watching documentaries, I have been able to easily envision myself in the predators place. At the sight of the prey that it's chasing, I’ll feel the urge to sink my teeth and “claws” into them. Of course, I would never actually go out and harm an animal.

Shifts: In the otherkin community, the act of going through a shift refers to people who are temporarily feeling especially like their kintype in some way. I don’t personally experience a heightened sense of smell or sight like some others, but it is incredibly easy to see myself as my past form and I'll have an increased urge to do many of the things listed above.

Dreams: It’s become a common occurrence for dragons to in some way be involved with my dreams. Most of the time I’ll just simply come across dragons or humans that can turn into them, though occasionally I’ll have the physical appearance of my past form. I unfortunately don’t remember too much of the latter dreams, but I do know that even in the dream world, this made me incredibly happy. It just felt correct, and I remember feeling a strong sadness when waking up.

Memories: I know that the human mind can make fantasies seem incredibly possible and/or real, so I take all of these memories with a grain of salt. However, I have had several experiences that could be considered memories of some sort. Below I’ll list some notable ones.

The very first memory I had depicted my past form in a "hallway" (I don’t know how else to describe it) that was made entirely out of snow and ice. I remember being able to vaguely see my reflection on the floor, and I looked up to see a blinding white light that I'm assuming was the exit before I started to run towards it.

My second memory was myself being in a forest full of leaves on the ground. I was on top of a slope, which I skidded down. I vaguely recall there being a nearby river.

Another memory depicted me in a snowy landscape. It was in the middle of the night and I was flying high in the sky.

I also had another memory at night/late afternoon, but the sky was just bright enough for me to see dark clouds. I was standing in an open field and looking around. It was pretty windy, as well; like it was about to storm. It's a very peaceful memory for me, despite the bad weather.

The most recent one I had yet again has to do with the night, but relied more on feelings and strong urges than sight. I was running in a forest, potentially chasing after/hunting something. It felt very cool and the overall atmosphere of it was very “wintery”.

My first memory is what gave me a basic idea of what I looked like, though it wasn’t until in other memories where my appearance was consistent that I was more confident in myself. Funnily enough, before these memories I actually didn’t think that much of eastern dragons. It wasn’t that I disliked them, but they simply didn’t cross my mind that much due to western dragons being a much more common depiction in media.

Hoarding: This is the stereotype for dragons and something I see many dragonkin discussing, but it’s something I actually don’t relate with too much nowadays. However, when I was a kid, I would collect practically anything I could find around the house or outside. Rocks (that I would often insist were rare even though they clearly weren’t), rubber bands, beads, etc. These are all things that most people would consider worthless, but at the time they were special to me and I kept all of these items in a box that I was quite protective of.

Dens/Small Spaces: I remember when I was a kid, my mother and I built a pillow fort. I would hide and curl up inside it at every opportunity, as it made me feel incredibly content and safe. I have a similar urge whenever I see dens in movies and games. If I’m playing something that has caves, dens, or any other kind of small area, it’s very common for me to stop whatever I’m doing to just relax in these locations for a while.

And that concludes the list. I may update this whenever I recall anything else I find worth mentioning. My journey of being dragonkin has definitely been an interesting one, and I’m glad that I decided to become more involved in the community. Aside from some difficult times, being otherkin has had an overall positive impact on my life. It’s resulted in me meeting new people, feeling a sense of closure with myself that I’ve been lacking for as long as I can remember, and learning new things about dragons and the cultures of various places around the world.

#dragonkin #otherkin #alterhuman

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xenteaart · 4 years

Text

Diplomacy Failure

Summary: The Master and you have an established friendship, a bromance - you’re basically partners in crime. One day the Master comes up with this grand robbery scheme but it takes him months to plan the whole thing out properly, and by the end of it - he’s getting way too impatient and reckless. That’s where you step in.

Warnings: none, pure fluff again

Pairing: Dhawan!Master x Reader

Note: This was supposed to be a short thing so I decided not to create a whole ass backstory around it. The main reason why I wanted to write this was because I usually see MC being mostly submissive in fics (not that there’s anything wrong with it whatsoever) and I craved some diversity so here it goesss.

Huge thanks and lots of love to my incredible beta @wonders-of-the-multiverse i love you to bits <3

The last few months have been hard to say the least. After years of knowing the Master you’d grown accustomed to his severe mood swings, but this was something else.

Most of the time you never really bothered to get to know all the details of his typically complex and intricate schemes. You simply trusted him with those and did what he asked you to do, not taking any liberty to make your own decisions because he did know better. He was the one spending restless days and nights planning everything out after all, so you never really questioned anything. Until today.

He was getting impatient and it wasn’t a good thing at all.

The Master had an impressive set of skills, the ability to wait and execute slow-burn plans exceptionally well being one of them. However this time, he got way too invested in what he was doing, his near obsession leading you to believe it had something to do with the Doctor in the long run.

As for now, he needed to get his hands on something “very valuable and very important” and he was planning to steal it, of course. It was no common robbery though, the ship you were now finding yourselves on was huge. No, massive, so simply threatening a few creatures with his TCE and acquiring the object wasn’t a viable option. The ship’s obscenely advanced security systems were not working in your favor either.

The two of you were pretending to be a regular married couple, mere visitors to the event and so painfully ordinary in your nature as to not draw any attention. Keeping a low profile was essential.

The Master called from somewhere below the console where corridors led to the wardrobe room, and since you weren’t occupied with anything even remotely important you joined him right away. You were happy to merely see him and talk to him considering he now preferred the company of a thousand papers with all sorts of layouts, schemes, his own scribbles and something else in Gallifreyan that you had no way of understanding.

“What’s that?” you asked, a little taken aback by his excessively fancy suit.

“Your dress is right there, try it on and see if it fits,” he said casually as he looked in the mirror, ignoring your question and waving his hand at the sophisticated purple dress that was laid out on a nearby sofa.

Ah. Matching outfits. He could never resist the drama of it.

You looked at the dress, the decoration on it exquisite and lavish. A quiet sigh escaped your lips as you tried not to laugh too loudly.

“If that’s for tomorrow, we’re not wearing that.” you uttered, not even trying to hide your amused grin at this point.

“What? Why?”

“Because we need to be wearing this,” you pointed at a horrendous blue suit and a dress of the matching color, the shade and design of both so ugly and simplistic that the clothing wouldn’t look good on either of you.

A displeased frown flitted across the Master’s features.

“Come on, we need to look pitiful. Men of wealth love playing charity and chatting with lower class people, helping them out with whatever. It makes them feel better about themselves, boosts their ego.” you elaborated, your words heavily accompanied by expressive hand waving and vocal shifts.

He blinked a couple of times and looked at himself in the mirror again, trying to make peace with the idea of this fashion crime you were both about to commit.

The first step of his plan was relatively easy - he was doing the networking and you were doing the smiling as the two of you were slowly getting closer and closer to higher rank guests that were usually a little too drunk and clueless to not accidentally give away the information you needed most, that being - where the security control room was located. Getting a sample of some rich and wasted guest’s DNA was also part of the job since they all had unlimited access to all parts of this ship. As of now, you were getting a feeling you were never even going to make it to that point.

The Master wasn’t very good at tolerating stupidity, especially when nobody knew and feared who he was. To all of these arrogant and self-absorbed upper class assholes, he was literally a peasant. Little did they know.

You could see his hand playing with the TCE in his pocket as he was seriously considering whether to take it out and end this shitshow here and now. That would probably feel really good for a couple of minutes but then both of you would be captured and very likely executed on the spot because no matter how intimidating and dangerous the Master was - the quantity of creatures on the ship would be an undeniable advantage on their side. Plus, he’d spent so much time on plan A, there wasn’t any room for plan B, you figured.

Granted, dying wasn’t something the Master was ever afraid of. But you were human with no spare lives, so his impatience would mean very bad news for you.

“Don’t you want to take a break from this?” you asked timidly, standing in the doorway and not daring to let yourself into the Master’s working space just yet since knocking on the door did nothing to catch his attention.

He was rapidly glancing all over the papers, his mind being evidently busy with something of more significance than your presence.

“I can get you some coffee if you like? Or... anything at all, really,” you made another attempt at starting a conversation but it was met with silence once again, except this time you noticed hints of irritation in the way he was making notes and moving things around his table, mercilessly digging his pen into his notebook and purposely making a lot more noise while searching for something buried under these piles of paper.

“Yeah, no worries then.” you sighed as you saw yourself out of the room.

You were getting fed up with this.

As you were standing next to him and contemplating your options, you felt the air around you change a little. It was an insignificant shift but you were particularly sensitive to emotional fields people and other creatures tended to create, and right now the atmosphere did not feel friendly.

You looked at the Master and then back at the greenish humanoid looking creature he was talking to. The conflict was clearly starting to develop, filling the space around you with tension and unease.

You were so close to the control room, you couldn’t let that happen. There were only a few more floors you had to pass in order to get to the royalty hall where your main mission would be taking place.

“For Christ’s sake.” you thought to yourself, recognizing the familiar burning anger in the Master’s eyes as he was slowly losing his already weak grasp on his temper and reaching for his pocket, his actions now fuelled with proper intention of making the man pay for his disrespect and bad manners.

The problem with the Master was - no matter how brilliant and clever his ideas were, his emotions and temper would always get in the way. You had to learn it the hard way by nearly getting killed a couple of times because of it in the past. But pissing off a few soldiers and running away was one thing, and acting hostile on a space station sized ship with no quick way out was a completely different story.

“I am so sorry, sir, my husband suffers from this terrible condition,” you spoke as you looked at the Master intensely, doing your best to wordlessly communicate with him and beg him to stay silent, “where he gets unreasonably aggressive when he’s upset.”

The man’s expression was now plagued with confusion but it was a good sign, you thought. He was paying attention.

“He’s just frustrated we can’t yet afford to lead a life like yours, sir. Isn’t that right, darling?” you patted the Master on the back, your voice now so sugary sweet it made you want to vomit, but you were committed to your little act and nothing could stop you.

“Please forgive our jealousy, we simply wish to be more like you but it pains us to realize we’re a long way away from that,” saying this made your skin itch, and you were pretty sure the Master’s eye was twitching a little. You looked at him briefly and noted he was indeed… puzzled.

Your flattery seemed to work wonders on the man’s self esteem, though, his facial expression momentarily switching to pity and its default arrogance mixed with pride.

You tried not to make eye contact with the Master as you were escorting him away, your hand wrapped around his elbow. Your heart was beating a little too fast for your liking, and your main concern for now was peacefully leaving the floor and avoiding any more fuss on the way because, honestly, you were getting angry yourself.

---

“What the hell was that?” was the first thing he asked you as soon as you both entered the TARDIS safely, the two of you still slightly out of breath from your usual cardio on your way back; the desired object sitting securely in the Master’s pocket.

“I was actually going to ask you this exact same question, how convenient.” you snapped, kicking off your heels and making your way to the console barefoot, the cold metal floor having a soothing effect on your aching feet.

The Master gave you a grim look as he took off his ridiculous and evidently uncomfortable jacket, and swiftly marched towards you. His intimidating aura rarely had any impact on you and you didn’t even flinch at his intrusion of your personal space. You knew all too well he would never hurt you deliberately.

“I did not allow you to intervene.”

“You should have seen your face, darling,” you said mockingly, maintaining intense eye contact as if it was a competition on who looks away first.

“You should have heard your voice, such sweetness and flattery I was worried you were gonna kiss his ring at the end of your speech or something,” he spat out his words with grimaced disgust.

The two of you stared at each other in complete silence for about half a minute, and your facade dropped first. You burst into laughter, giggling obnoxiously at the memory of the Master’s pure and sincere confusion. You’d never seen him so baffled and mad, the funniest thing of it all being the fact that he had to comply and play along. It made you a little proud of yourself.

The corner of the Master’s lips twitched, his stubbornness and denial still fighting his urge to crack up, but a couple of moments later he finally joined you. Any trace of annoyance was long gone, and a wide smile took over his person as he laughed out loud with you.

“Idiot.” he commented, still chuckling and grinning while also unbuttoning his lousy shirt. You both wanted to get out of those trashy clothes as soon as possible.

You suddenly went quiet. With no further talking you simply stepped forwards and hugged the Master tightly, burying your nose in the crook of his neck.

“I’ve missed you.”

He hugged you back, resting one of his hands on your head and ruffling your hair, so very aware of how much you hated it.

“Missed you too, fool.”

#doctorwho #doctor who imagine #doctor who fanfic #my fic #dhawan!master x reader #dhawan!master x you #the master x reader #dw imagine #dhawan!master/reader #the master/reader #dhawan!master #doctor who

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gellavonhamster · 3 years

Text

Tagged by @robertcapajpg (thank you! <3)

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

Natasha or Natalia. Or Gella, it’s basically my second name by now

2. when is your birthday?

November 7th

3. where do you live?

Latvia

4. three things you are doing right now?

filling in this ask meme, llistening to music, thinking gloomily about how tomorrow is another working day again (and I worked a little today and yesterday too, so it didn’t feel like a full-scale weekend)

5. four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

First of all, definitely ASOUE/ATWQ/Snicketverse in general - I think it’s the best fandom I’ve been part of in years, maybe ever, with so much fascinating material to analyze and so many theories to explore and extremely talented people (mwah!). Dark is also great for similar reasons - fertile ground for all kinds of theories and interpretations and filling in various gaps, and a lot of amazing fan content as well. As it is easy to see from this blog, I am currently very much into Dracula - it’s strange that it hasn’t happened earlier, honestly, because old novels and found family trope are things that I’ve always adored. For the fourth one... let it be The Folk of the Air, I loved this series much more than I expected to, and I check its fandom tags and read fics often, though my own involvement is mostly limited to making niche content that no one else cares about, lol

6. how has the pandemic been treating you?

Not too bad (fingers crossed!). I am working from home, just like I did during the first wave, and, although I hate it, I recognize that it is a privilege.

7. a song you can't stop listening to right now?

She’s Kerosene by The Interrupters

8. recommend a movie

St. Trinian’s (2007) is one of my all-time faves - it’s hilarious, irreverent, action-packed (Ocean’s 8 WISHES it was St. Trinian’s), with a stellar cast (I’m talking Gemma Arterton, Colin Firth, Lena Headey, Lucy Punch, Stephen Fry, Rupert Everett, the list can go on and on, everyone and their mother was in this movie), and I honestly don’t understand why it didn’t end up becoming one of the cult classics about teenage girls like Mean Girls or Jennifer’s Body. Part 2, The Legend of Fritton’s Gold (2009), is not as good, in my opinion, but also a lot of fun.

9. how old are you?

10. school, university, occupation, other?

I’m a translator of technical documentation in a construction company

11. do you prefer heat or cold?

neither is good when it’s too much of it, but probably cold

12. name one fact others may not know about you

I was born with a black eye :D My mother thought it was a huge birthmark and was worried, but it disappeared later.

13. are you shy?

mostly yes :/

14. preferred pronouns

she/her

15. biggest pet peeves

People putting their bags on separate seats on public transport when it’s crowded and other people have nowhere to sit. Also when the wire of the earphones gets caught on something and they fall out, it’s the easiest way to make me swear out loud

16. what is your favorite "-dere" type?

??? I have no idea what this means tbh

17. rate your life from 1 to 10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be

About 7? It’s quite nice and comfortable, but there’s room for improvement both in terms of what depends and does not depend on me. And I don’t see how anyone’s life could be 10 in the middle of the pandemic and Everything Else Going On, honestly

18. what's your main blog?

this one

19. list your side blogs and what they're used for

@javert-jajaune-jarouge - Les Mis sideblog, @grecocerullo - L’amica geniale/My Brilliant Friend sideblog. Also I’m one of the contributors (moderators? I can’t change blog layout or block users (unfortunately) or anything, I can only reblog posts) of a Snicketverse aesthetic blog @veryfinedisguises

20. is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

Probably that I am always (well, maybe 99% of time) willing to hang out but my default reaction to people being friendly is “they are actually just being polite and don’t find me interesting at all” so I am constantly afraid of being too clingy, and that’s why I might often be reluctant to contact and invite them to hang out first (especially if there have been such attempts before but plans got cancelled for some reason). It’s a stupid problem to have in one’s late 20s, I guess, but it is what it is.

Tagging (if you want to answer, of course!) @claudiatiedemann, @hensons, @olivia-calidamn and @thebeautifulsoup

#talk talk talk

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ahogehope · 3 years

Text

BlazBlue Alternative Dark War Nightmare Fiction Event English Translation (Part 5: Shadows Below the Water)

Crossposted from reddit just for a little more exposure.

This is part 5, or the sixth story quest in the event.

Previous parts can be found here: [Part 1-1, Part 1-2, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4]

Some notes:

- The default name of Rei is used for the player character and was selected as male at the beginning of the game.

- I’m still on the fence on if I should be using honorifics or not. Your opinion on the matter would be greatly appreciated.

Click here to be taken to a pastebin with the translated dialogue or look under the read more to read it here.

Section 5 – “Shadows Below the Water”

Fuzzy Hey hey, you guys still hanging in there? Well, are you?

Fuzzy Looks like you managed to retrieve the third element without too much trouble. That’s only half of what you need though. But it’s still half!

Fuzzy I wonder if you’ll be able to get the last three just as easily～.

Hazama Very good. If we’re lucky, finding the rest should be a breeze.

Kazuma I would have liked to avoid any fighting but... I don’t think we’ve been given much of a choice.

Hazama Regardless of what’s in front of us, we’re stuck following Fuzzy-san’s lead if we want to get anywhere.

Hazama I’ll keep playing along. So where are we headed next?

Fuzzy Hehehe... O-kay! Come on, this way.

Fuzzy I’ll even be extra nice to you this time and bring you straight there.

Ciel Why is he suddenly taking us there directly? This feels out of character for him.

Raabe Hmm. While I certainly agree, this could also just be another result of Fuzzy’s fickle personality.

Raabe But just like Hazama said, our only option right now is to proceed.

Raabe Whether or not he’s on our side, the fact remains that only Fuzzy knows how we can escape.

Raabe Nevertheless, it doesn’t hurt to remain vigilante.

Raabe Let’s stay behind the others for a while.

Ciel Yes... roger that. Rei-san, if you would watch my back, just to be safe.

Ciel Please don’t worry. I’ll be here to protect you, Rei-san.

>Thank you, Ciel. Ciel Of course. There’s no need to thank me. Ciel ...That doesn’t feel like the right thing to say, but I’m not sure what would be more appropriate...

>Don’t forget you can rely on me too. Ciel Yes, of course. I’ll always be able to count on you. Ciel If it weren’t for you, we would never be able to liberate the Phantom Fields.

Fuzzy You guys done talking yet? Huh, are you?

Fuzzy Come on then, let’s go find that next element! Let’s go, everyone!

Kazuma ...Um.

Kazuma We’ve been walking for quite a while... is the next element much further?

Fuzzy Hmm, I wonder.

Fuzzy I know where we’re supposed to be going, but I don’t know the layout of this city at all.

Fuzzy I wouldn’t know if there’s actually an element there or not honestly.

Kazuma You’ve got to be kidding me...

Kazuma You don’t know anything about this place. You’ve only just met us. You don’t even know who set up all these elements in the first place.

Kazuma Why are you even in charge of guiding us?

Fuzzy Really, this question again?

Fuzzy I told you before, didn’t I? This is the role I was given in this world.

Fuzzy I hate people who can’t remember things～.

Fuzzy Everyone in this world is given a role. It’s always been that way, ever since the beginning of time.

Fuzzy And this time I was given the role as your guide. Nothing more, nothing less. Hehehe.

Kazuma ...But we’ll learn something if we head to the innermost part of this world, right? Isn’t that what we were told?

Fuzzy Well, who knows～? I’m sure you’ll figure it out～.

Fuzzy You’ll find out if you go there, right? Ahaha.

Kazuma ......

Hazama You don’t have to look so on edge, Kazuma-san. Fuzzy-san hasn’t led us astray yet.

Hazama If you aren’t sure, then you should just keeping going forward and find out for yourself.

Kazuma That’s... I suppose you’re right.

Hazama Forgive me if I’m being presumptuous, Kazuma-san. But I think the fastest way to learning whatever the “truth” is is by carving out your own path.

Hazama If you really want to know something, if you want something to be within reach, then you need to reach out and grab it.

Hazama I’m dying to know more myself, but we won’t learn much by just standing around and waiting for the answers to be given to us.

Kazuma Hazama-san...

Kazuma I see... yeah, that’s it. I think so too.

Kazuma My knowledge on things is limited. All I know is what I studied back on the island of Ishana.

Kazuma ...But this isn’t Ishana. I can discover things here that I could never have discovered back home.

Hazama There you go. If you believe hard enough, I’m sure you’ll be able to find what you’re looking for in no time.

Kazuma ...When you say it like that, I can’t bring myself to agree with you completely for some reason.

Hazama Hey now. You don’t have to look at me like I’m gonna mug you when you aren’t looking.

Hazama ...Then again, we do barely know each other. It would be asking a bit much to have you trust me so soon.

Hazama Still, you should believe in yourself a little more.

Kazuma Believe in myself, huh...

Hazama Of course. I think it’d make you much happier in the long run.

Hazama ...No matter what you decide to believe in though, you’re going to need those keys to reach the bottom of it.

Hazama The elements are quite literally the key.

[enter Jin]

Jin Hazama... You speak as gracefully as ever, I see.

Raabe Hmm. Looks like we’ve found our next element.

Jin You there. It would be in your best interests not to trust that man too much.

Jin Don’t let his words and appearance deceive you.

Jin That man is a “snake.” If you choose to place your trust in him, he’ll eat you alive.

Hazama Oh goodness, do you know me as well? I can’t say I remember anything about you either, I’m afraid.

Hazama Even so, what you’ve said sounds horrible. Exactly what sort of person was I?

Jin Don’t play me for a fool...

Jin Your very existence disrupts the world’s peace and order. I can’t let that go unpunished.

Jin Give it up, Hazama. Your life ends here.

Hazama H-Hold on! Even if you say that, I still don’t have any idea what’s going on. Rei-san! Help me out here!

>Wha, me!? Hazama Please, Rei-san! We’ve fought together until now as comrades after all!

>Wh-What should I do... Hazama Don’t be so heartless, Rei-san. We’ve fought together until now as comrades after all!

Hazama We won’t get the element if we don’t defeat this guy anyway, right? So we should work together to bring him down!

Hazama Our opponent is a water type. That’s a good match-up for me.

Hazama Let’s hurry up and get those keys so we can get out of here.

Raabe Good grief... I’ve still got a bad feeling about all this, but he has a point.

Raabe For now we need to continue gathering the elements so we can move on and learn more about where we are.

Ciel Roger. Rei-san, you take the back. Keep an eye on the target. Then we will commence combat.

[a sphere with the water symbol appears]

Fuzzy Well done! Looks like you got your hands on the water element～.

Fuzzy Watching you guys fight, I wanted to jump in and play a bit myself. Hehehe...

Hazama The way you say that... I knew it. You’re watching us whenever you disappear, aren’t you?

Fuzzy Ahaha, I may have said too much～.

Hazama If that’s true, then I’d like to know exactly how long you’ve been keeping tabs on us.

Hazama Ever since I got here, everyone seems to know who I am but I haven’t been able to recognize anyone... It keeps happening, over and over.

Hazama Rei-san, Kazuma-san, and the others all have memories from before they came here. But I can’t remember a thing.

Hazama If we were both brought here by the same means, then what’s with the glaring discrepancy?

Hazama ...Although, even if I were to ask, you wouldn’t have a reason to tell us why. Please consider this as me simply talking to myself.

Fuzzy Hehehe, seems like you’re finally starting to catch on.

Fuzzy You’re right, though. You won’t get anywhere by asking me. You’re gonna have to see the answer with your own eyes.

Hazama In any case we should get a move on to that next element. I wonder where we’ll go next?

Fuzzy Alrighty then! Next up is～...

#blazblue #blazblue alternative dark war #bb:dw #hazama #translations

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lordxgrinnyxboy · 4 years

Text

rewatching tgm for the umpteenth time: wifi's not working edition 1/?

ngl i've Never, In My LIFE, done any singing or acting outside of puppet shows when i was in like the 3rd grade but every time i watch TGM i'm more and more like "GOD i wanna be cast as Barkilphedro" and i don't even know why? like why would i want to be the greasy clown nasty? He has No Rights? I Don't Like Him Or Sympathize With Him At All? And Yet???? It must be a calling.

there's like. two barrels on the stage.

uggggggh i love Ensemble!Maskell and Ensemble!Obianyo they're both so pretty

FEEL SO LOW YOUR PULSE NEEDS CHECKING

ngl Barkilphedro has No Rights and he gets No Sympathy from me but i do feel sorry for him when he talks about his mother. also sucks for him that he wasted so much time hoping his loyalty to Clarence would pay off, only to get nothing but mockery in return. also also as 'comical' as the Erotic Breakfast Dance scene is played it's still...really gross and Not Okay. This dude's 100% culpable for his actions and he made his own choices and is absolutely slimy but it's like those bits in LotR when they talk about Bilbo pitying Gollum. idk i just kinda hate that ol' Barky let himself be twisted into such a wretched creature. He crossed the No Rights line the night he decided to carve up a kid's face tho and just kept right on going.

ensemble!maskell is so cute send help

it's the eye makeup and the lighting it's just. a really good look

ms. obianyo pls

just noticed Bark's little pose on "obsessed with the pursuit of beauty"

okay so i've seen some comments around about Clarence's "How do you keep your pecker up" remark and just thought i'd- dude's fingernails. wow they're so shiny. ahem -mention here that i've looked into this expression before and it's actually a term that i guess is mainly used in England or something and it's like nose = beak = 'pecker' as in birds which ‘peck’ things with their beaks. It's basically the same as "keep your chin up". Snufkin says it to Moomin. I mean with Clarence i wouldn't put it past him to mean it another way but also given where the show is set it makes sense he would use such a term.

ngl i want to Know about Angelica tho like. why is she Brutalized. why did Clarence send her awaey. i actually want to know about the whole family. I feel like it's a three separate moms situation but even if it's only two separate moms Where Are The Moms. did Clarence send Them awaey too? Did one or more of them Die? Were they Killed? oh god what if it's like in Light Princess and he actually Had (one of/)Them Executed. I think it's interesting that Clarence Lorded Dirry-Moir. we don't get to know about how he treated Josiana, but none of his kids even turn up to his funeral and the only one who talks about him at all only does so to denounce him.

also thinking about the differences yet similarities between the Green Box Family and the Royal Family but i can't articulate worth anything rn so i'll just *pins for later*

love Ensemble!Brisson

also ngl even if the whole Royal Introduction/Lords on Palace Hill bit isn't 100% literal it still paints a pretty clear picture of the kind of toxic and vapid society that's encouraged under Clarence's reign.

does 'bonnie prince' mean anything specific or

ugh i love Osric

wait i just noticed the stripies on dirry--moir's shirt. nice. i'd wear that.

not as much as i'd wear the heck out of Osric's coat though. actually his whole outfit. add Osric/Lord Trelaw to Roles I Wanna Be Cast For In The Timeline Where I Sing And Act

the face Dirry-Moir makes while Osric's getting started introducing the fair tho. he looks like a kid trying to fit in with a cool new friend group.

the way Mr Maskell sings "we have a huge collection of the crippled and the dabbed" tho it sounds like he's got a cold

i'm gonna need somebody to meet me irl just to do that lil dance that Dirry-Moir and Osric do after "If you've got the money/I've got the misery" it looks fun!

au where Mr. Maskell stays on stage through the end of Laughter is the Beast Medicine. i need to See him do the choreo for this part.

had a real cursed idea right here but no it's Too cursed

the look on Osric's face when Bark grabs his bad arm tho

this whole "imagine laughing without any cruelty at all" is such a weird bit tbh

have i already said that i love the whole look of the "the poor soul who stands before you" part like idk if it's the pose or what but Gwyn Looks Really Good In This Scene

okay but the way puppet!Gwyn holds out his hand toward his mom and then she goes to- hangon i can’t describe lemme see if separate post separate post

okay

ngl im real curious as to whether this bit on the pirate ship (idk why i’ve always defaulted to ‘pirates’ for these cats) actually happened or if Ursus fully made it up like we really Don’t get to Know how much of this has any basis in what really happened that night do we u-u

kay but the fact that Dea’s mom’s lying there with her eyes open and the way they emphasize her frozen-ness by having her arm stay up like. wow.

wait a minute is that Born Broken playing for lil baby Dea? i think it is.

yeah sing it hazlit

interesting how Ursus has little!Gwyn sing “they put blood in my nightmares” but also vow to find the man who cut him. which i mean singular ‘they’ is obviously a thing but as i doubt the intention was for Gwyn to have decided that whoever cut him must be a they/them man i just think it’s interesting that even the wording in the puppet show points to the fact that there was Someone Else There, even if it does then swerve back to a single perpetrator. But also it’s still accurate because while it was only one man who cut Gwyn’s face, it was both Barkilphedro and Ursus who contributed to putting blood in his nightmares.

honest question why is Mr. Maskell’s voice Like That like who gave him the right

love how puppet!Gwyn and puppeteer!Gwyn and later real!Gwyn all do that same little motion with their head on the word “disgrace”

OH HEY we’re at the part where Lon Don picks up NICE

add Mojo Puppeteer to my list of dream roles

wait ohmygod there’s this thing kind of hanging off the cart and i was squinting at it like “what is that” and then the cart turned around and i realize that’s the body that goes to the head-on-a-shelf ursus what the hell

wait so Dirry-Moir genuinely thinks Dea went blind from looking at Gwyn’s face but he also wants to see it? although granted Ursus said she went blind from “gazing too long” so maybe Dirry-Moir assumes he’ll be safe if it’s only a quick look. still. Concept: Post-Show Dirry-Moir having this tendency to Not Look At Gwyn very much until eventually either he explains why and somebody has to Tell Him, or maybe at some point he’s like “wait a minute. that was made up wasn’t it” and everyone has a bit of a laff

ngl i love the inside of the cart and how there’s like four, maybe five puppets, counting Beauty and Beast, and also some of the shadow puppets...all kinds of vials and bottles and what looks like painting supplies...what looks suspiciously like crimson lethe on the stove...looks like some cabinets and extra storage up very top. im curious about the layout since we only get to see one part of the cart at a time.

wait why’s the song called stars in the sky when does he say th- why isn’t it called “New World” or “dreams” or something why stars in the sky he doesn’t even say- does he say it in the reprise??? *skips ahead* NO?

does the Disney Chorus Say It??

THEY DON’T

WHY IS THE SONG CALLED STARS IN THE SKY? WHY HAVE I BEEN UNQUESTIONINGLY CALLING IT STARS IN THE- WHEN ARE STARS MENTIONED??

IS THE TITLE A REFERENCE TO THE FACT THAT URSUS IS ONE OF THE ONES WHO ASSISTED IN STRIPPING STARS FROM THE SKY? IDK BOSS IT FEELS KINDA WEAK TO ME

ugh i love ms obianyo

“to help them forget themselves” yeah that’s what you want him to do huh Ursus

“not now, Grinpayne”‘s a p curious line to include and only the fact that Gwyn’s still using his puppet!Gwyn voice while complaining is keeping me from being like “lol Gwyn’s lil rant was actually him breaking character and then Ursus just went with it like it was part of the show lol lol”

cutting here for length uwu Dea finishes the word ‘skies’ at exactly 30 minutes in which is nice bc i didn’t even have to interrupt her mid-word in order to pause for post-length.

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aharris00britney · 4 years

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ASKS 19

It’s 6am and Brandon woke me up when he got up to go to work so now... i answer asks bc i cant sleep.

@mileyzangel said: Can you please make a Harley Quinn hairstyle from both Suicide Squad and Birds of Prey?

I went and watched Birds of Prey the other night and it was really good. Brandon went to sleep I think tfgvhb. But I doubt I’ll try doing her hair from either of the films. @enriques4 is working on one for her Birds of Prey look if you are interested in that <3

Anonymous said: is tiny living worth it? im leaning towards the gameplay although i love cas. is the gameplay as bad as people say?

I honestly don’t think the new beds do anything. They’re... there. Lmao I think the CAS and buy items are very nice. If we get some cc murphy beds then that would make them a lot more usable tbh.

Anonymous said: how do you and ayoshi keep making some fantastic collabs?? y'all are literally the first people i go to when I make a fresh install and I can't wait to see what you do next

Anonymous said: AxA CC KINGS!!!

Anonymous said: you guys didnt have to snap like that on AxA

Anonymous said: I LOVE EVERY SINGLE PACK U AND AYOSHI DO PLEASE KEEP MAKING MORE

Anonymous said: another iconic ah00b x ayoshi collab YAS LESSGOOOO

We put a bunch of cc ideas (hair and clothes) in a discord server we have together and then work on the stuff together on call usually so each item is the way we both want me. Like for example i’ll be meshing the Ivy top while he works on texturing the ribbed version. We also only do collabs when they happen, we didn’t plan AxA 2019 or this new set, mainly just made cc starting in May and wrapped it up in July to release in August. Then this time we started making stuff late December and got most of it done by the time I got done with my break. Having a planned collab/deadline makes stuff less stressful and the stuff usually turns out better imo

Anonymous said: hi! ur sims are so prettyyyy what skin texture and eyes do u use?

Anonymous said: hi! wcif the eyes of the sim in the edit that Dogsill edited for you please? thank you!

Anonymous said: Hi! I really love the way your sims looks so, I was what skin and eyes you use?

I actually am changing my default eyes so I need to update my resource page soon ;n; but the skins they use are all listed for each sim on the resource page here

Anonymous said: you always name axa packs by the year but this one was named after a season those that mean.... 👀

We are wanting to do something in the fall, just not sure how our lives will be then ya know? There’s a chance that this will be the AxA 2020. Since we weren’t sure I didn’t want to label it that if 2 AxA’s release this year lmao

Anonymous said: what game is the pokemon thing you're playing!? pls help a guy out i'm in love with the art style

Pokemon Sword and Shield (I have shield) for Nintendo Switch. I’ll prob post more pics once I get some new shinies :P

@kristabunny said: lol is it bad that when I saw your Santana hair I read it as Satan Hair XD

tbhhhhh it was lowkey referencing that lmao. I made the hair in October for a speed meshing video and since it was around Halloween I was like “lemme give her an almost demonic name” also Santana from glee is a queen

Anonymous said: Tbh I absolutely adore your female cc but I LIVE for your male cc!!!

Thank you! lmao the only thing I can take full credit for is the AxA male hairs. I mesh the clothes for packs but ayoshi does the texturing for them.

Anonymous said: Could you have a go at the updo Dua Lipa has on the cover of her Future Nostalgia? The high bun with a flick in it and the strands of hair down the sides. Thanks if so :)

I’m not the biggest fan of the hairstyle tbh ;n; but we will see. (Physical is a serve, just saying)

Anonymous said: So ive never played pokemon before until my friend gave me a copy of pokemon moon. I love cats so of course my starter was a litten, but i had no clue about evolutions or anything like that. I was heartbroken when my cute litten turned into some big man cat :(

omg noooo ;n; yeah Litten is a cutie... incineroar is... well I got used to him tbh and kind of like him now? I absolutely hate scorbunny’s evolution (and most of the SWSH starters final evolution) so I think that made incineroar slightly better in my eyes. My shiny litten will be staying a kitten however :)

@multifandom-slytherin said: Hello! I love your cc! Would it be possible for you to make the bangs from your Bree Hair a separate accessory that you can put with other hairs (for example the BG low ponytail)? Thank you so much!

Anonymous said: have u considered making or allowing someone to make an acc version of your handmade bangs?

I have thought of doing accessory bangs tbh, I just like... don’t like using accessory bangs myself. So I’m not sure if I’ll end up doing it. I might try it for myself and see how many hairs they work with, and if it is a decent amount I’ll release.

Anonymous said: First off I want to say how amazing all of your hairs and collabs are! Second I was curious if you ever thought of going back to your old hairs and updating their thumbnails / display indexes so they matched your stuff now?

I really really wanted to have all my 2019 hairs updated by 2020. It was only January 2019-April 2019 that needed updated (thumbnails and display indexes). But I just lost motivation for doing it. I will focus on it next time I have a big break from school. Also planning on updating select stuff from 2018 and 2017.

Anonymous said: please put Sophia Barker in the gallery. PLEASEEEEE it's the most beautiful sim I EVER seen! >:3 PLEASEEE!!!!!!!!!!

She should be on there? I think? Make sure you have CC enabled and if you can’t find me through the gallery her tray files are here

Anonymous said: Hi! After the recent patch I started having a small issue with Bree hair(without bangs), when I zoom out it looks like a completely different hair, something similar to that one basegame hair that's layered with tips pointed outward but longer. Thought I'd let you know, maybe others have had a similar issue or maybe I need to change a setting or something. Love your work so much!

Really surprised this is the first time someone told me about this lmao. The hair should be updated now on SFS/Patreon <3

Anonymous said: I tried to look around for this on your "Asks" portion before bothering you (so sorry), but do you have a link perhaps for all the lips you use on your models? Are they in game or a cc you create? Thanks so much! Love all of your work! I'm super new to cc stuff and I found yours like 2 days ago and have been going nuts with downloads lol

like presets? None of my cc models use a lip preset. I do use this slider on some of them though. For lipsticks, that is listed for each model on my resource page <3

Anonymous said: i’ve been looking for a hair like lexi that i actually like forever and now i find it but it’s for paterson peeps and i’m like actually broke and i’m like :/

im sorry ;n; at least it wasn’t too long of a wait? :/ I hope you liked the hair

Anonymous said: I can't find your jisoo ponytails in your downloads?

they’re in my retired section... may they rest in peace. scroll to the bottom of my downloads and youll see ‘RETIRED.’ click that for the retired download page.

@eclypt-0-sims said: Hi, I recently started making MM hair and I know you're probably an expert at this but; every time I go into CAS to test a hair, all of my accessories clip with the hair. Like the hair texture would cover some glasses if my sim was wearing glasses. I don't know how to fix it, someone told me to delete an eye weight in blender but I don't really understand weight painting that much, any suggestions? love your content btw

this is a late as hell reply i’m sorry. I think that you have texture where the glasses texture would be. Hair texture should only be in hair section or hat section (if you don’t want it hat compatible). Here is a UV map layout that I use for making hair textures. It shouldnt have anything to do with weights

Anonymous said: Do you use reshade when you take previews for your cc? and also is the tropical punch ombre overlay a palette or did you make it?

I do use reshade when I take cc previews. It adds a bit of saturation to my sims and gives them some shadows under their chin/clothes. Nothing major. Also, myself and @imvikai came up with the tropical punch palette together.

@little-eris said: You probably have answered this before but who drew your tumblr icon? I’ve seen the same art style with other simmers 👉🏼👈🏼 it’s super cute!

thank you! here is their twitter

Anonymous said: The male sim in your Tiny Living review looks soo familiar; was there inspiration from anyone IRL? The person he reminds me of isn't even famous so I don't even know! He is very pretty though *-*

He was a gallery sim that I just revamped a bit so I’m honestly not super sure lmao. But he is very attractive yes I agree

that concludes this ask ceremony please collect your things and move to the exit to your left. fvghbjn if you sent something I didn’t answer and it was off anon I’ll get to you soon (person who asked what beards I used for AxA... I see you)

#asks #not me spending an hour doing this #im actually kinda tired now but do i sleep #or do i just stay up... i have class at 12 #it is 7am now

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edvonstein · 4 years

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So, since I am starting this year apparently by binge listening to Kirby metal remixes, and I just listened to Sullied Grace, my brain got to thinking: Queen Sectonia is really just a Precure villain, a villain who looks some level of fabulous, is absorbed in an emotion (vanity and possibly loneliness in her case) has her general out doing the work for her, successfully brings the planet to the brink of destruction despite being defeated already, and culminates in a final battle in the skies above the planet with the moon lighting the battle, and everybody working to help give the pink one the boost they need to win, even a redeemed enemy general joining in, and it all ending with the pink turning the villain’s own worst weapon against her. And then I realized that Haltmann Works is literally just Labyrinth.

So my brain is currently stuck on the prospect of rewriting the entire Kirby franchise as a Precure series. We have Kirby as the Pink Leader of course, not the brightest bulb in the room, but filled with near limitless potential, and a knack for turning her enemies strength against them. (I mean with Kirby’s Suplex and Throw abilities, it’s not too far a stretch to give the Cure version a mastery in Judo.)

Then King Dedede as the red cure, passionate, selfish, and will roll over those that are in her way, but will pucker up and clobber whatever evil needs a clobbering. Starts out incredibly annoyed at the Pink, but by the end they are thick as (food)thieves.

Meta Knight is the most cursed Purple naturally, always challenging Pink to be stronger, and looking to atone for the evils wrought by his blade in the past. (Former wannabe world conqueror with the Cure powers after all.)

And Bandana Waddle Dee joins in as the Blue (or maybe Yellow) one, An unassuming Cure people first don’t think is a threat until in a casual contest Blue turns out to be able to completely match the raw power of Pink somehow. Acting as the support of the team, Blue’s strongest feature, aside from the super strength is the absolute loyalty to all the team members. Which is a problem considering how often they are at each others’ throats.

Prolly a dumb idea, but I’ll keep rolling it around me nogging a bit.

A pitch for the Dreamland adaption:

Queen Deedeedee (I never said I was good with names) was the chosen Cure, was given powers, able to clear tall buildings in a single leap, and suplex trains, so she crafted herself a jet powered hammer and took to cleaning up the small town of the setting, doing a surprisingly good job and getting organized crime under control, and the government cleared of corruption... and then cleared of people, installing herself as the new ruler of the town, which she’d run with a... I’d say, Iron Fist, but honestly, she mostly goes around smacking a few people upside the head when they acted up.

She mostly just basks in her glory now and let’s the town run itself, which ... works well enough. Until for some reason she suddenly demanded massive tributes from the town for her protection, or else.

That’s when the mascots had enough, and found Kirby (apparently that name is unisex? Useful. Then again, canonically Kirby is genderless, and we in English kinda just defaulted to male because of course we did.) a girl from much simpler origins (say, an immigrant girl trying to make ends meet in this new world to her, living in a small house on the outskirts of the town) than the last cure who was an “Ohohoho” ojousama even before given super powers. (Going with a monarch model for the fairies to explain that, like Mepple and Mipple) Kirby will have to fight her way solo through Queen Deedeedee’s cabinet she installed upon reaching power.

There’s Whispy Woods, an unnaturally tall men who’s cracked skin looks like wood (which it turns out to be.) He is in charge of agriculture and had installed a large apple orchard next to where Kirby lives. This was fine until the Queen decided she didn’t like the small dent in the otherwise perfectly square orchard layout, which is the place Kirby’s house is and sent Whispy in to... take care of that little issue.

Next up are Lolo and Lala, the only two humans left on the cabinet, whom the Queen saw potential in and hired as city planners. They did good work, the Butter Building their proudest achievement, a skyscraper that is made of affordable housing mixed in with small stores throughout. But the Queen took notice of Whispy’s defeat and told them to lure this... troublemaker in and deal with her. The two didn’t like it, but lured her to their mansion, which they kitted out with plenty of traps...

Then comes Kaboola. She is the head of security under the new Queen, and supervises the town from a small army of blimps patrolling the sky. Little is known about her, but she appears to personally reside on a small island just off the coast of the town. And she has the access codes to the Queen’s citadel, the skyscraper at the center of town which of course has to house the villain. Kaboola is of course aware of Kirby’s antics, but she has not yet acted on them because she too senses something wrong with the way the Queen is acting, and after the defeat of Whispy and Lolo and Lala, she decided to test her...

Due to events that transpired on Kaboola’s island, Kirby finds herself not only unable to access the Queen’s citadel, but also facing her personal body guard, Kracko, who turned out to literally be all the clouds in the sky. A violent storm brews over the city as Kracko prepares to defend their mistress, and Kirby decides that if she can’t get into the tower, she will just have to go up the tower the hard way, and a clash along the side of a skyscraper is about to occur as Kirby fights the very heavens themselves, to reach the Queen, and make her come to her senses again...

#kirby #precure #i might make pitches for the other games in the future but I am about to run out of music #and i probably am clogging up the tags enough with this

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

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636.

Have you ever done a craft that you found on Pinterest? >> No, I don’t use Pinterest. Do you get scrapbooking layout ideas from anywhere? >> No, because I don’t scrapbook. What do you do to wipe off the dust from ordinary life? >> What? Are you content with mystery, or do you wish you knew everything? >> Mystery is one of the things that makes life interesting, for me. My curiosity and imagination needs mystery to chew on, to turn over and over in my mind. If it was just fed all the answers, it’d be bored and so would I. What do you do when someone irritates you on Facebook? >> No one irritates me on facebook. But if they did, I’d either unfollow or unfriend them.

Are you judgmental? >> I don’t encourage judgemental behaviour in myself.

Do you think your hair looks better natural or dyed? >> I think it looks healthier when natural, and that’s the most important thing. I can always wear wigs for funky colours.

Do your parents disrespect you? >> --- Have you found that love covers over a multitude of sins? >> No. It enables one to treat another’s shortcomings with grace and compassion, which is important. But if something is truly rotten, love’s not going to do shit for it. What was the last Grand Opening you went to? >> --- Do you have anything coming up tomorrow? >> All I want to do tomorrow is play video games and be comfortable in my bed. What’s one thing that makes your stomach hurt? >> Anxiety. Ever had a living nightmare? >> Er, maybe? Do you have a lot of haters? >> Not to my knowledge. I don’t think I register on most people’s radars to begin with.

Do you think successful people always come with a pack of haters? >> I mean, probably. Envy is a hell of a drug. Do you have supernatural abilities? >> Who knows what kind of abilities I have. Even I don’t know. Do you kick yourself when you make mistakes? Do you say, “I wish I would have” a lot? >> Yeah, although I’ve been trying to cut down on the self-flagellation. Are you doing the most you can with your life? >> Sure, by my standards. Do you let people walk on you? >> No. Are you ok? >> Sure. Do you have a friend you miss right now? >> No. Do you ever write snail mail to your friends? >> No. Do you make your life look better than it is on Facebook? >> I don’t post on facebook. Do you feel God’s presence regularly? >> No. For the record, I’m not attuned to that sort of presence, so I have no idea how I’d even look for it. Do you experience chronic pain? >> No. Do you believe God loves you and is rooting for you? Wtf is with all these Christian surveys lately. Are people not aware that the vast majority of the world is not Christian? <-- They’re probably from joybucket. Christian questions aside, she makes decent surveys and there’s always a shortage of those, so. Anyway, my comprehension of a capital-g God is a more panentheistic kind, so any anthropomorphic features it’d possess are because its nature is being expressed through humanity just as much as through everything else. Have you ever dreamt that you were falling? >> Probably, but more often I just have that weird falling sensation just as I’m dropping off to sleep. It hasn’t happened much lately, but it used to happen constantly. What would your dream career be? >> --- Are you a daydreamer? >> Not so much. Do you daydream so much that you wonder if there’s anyone who doesn’t? >> --- Do you ever just sit and daydream for awhile? >> No. I’m not really sure how daydreaming works. If I’m staring into space it’s because I’ve zoned out or because I’m ruminating on some conversation I had and dissecting my every misstep or something stupid like that. Is the snow falling where you are right now? >> Not where I currently am, no. But where I live, it probably is snowing. I’ll find out when I get off the plane tonight. What is your favorite part of nature? >> What isn’t my favourite part of nature. Do you wish you could be a world traveler? >> You know... not particularly. Not to say that I don’t love seeing new places, and not to say that I don’t want to go to other countries, because I do. But it’s just not so much a priority to me anymore. I’m just as happy watching Anthony Bourdain do it. (Also, sensory defensiveness and related problems has really begun to impede on my enjoyment of travel.) Do you wish you could live in another city for a year? >> I mean, sure. I just can’t imagine what situation would lead to that. What city would you like to visit? >> Oh, you know. Any one will do. What has been your favorite city that you’ve visited? >> New Orleans. If you had kids, would you take them to Disney World? >> I wouldn’t take kids to Disney World, I’d take myself. I’ve never gone and I’m curious about it. Have you ever stood in line to get a Disney character’s autograph? >> No. Do you own a birthday crown? >> No. How long does it usually take your hair to dry? Do you dry it naturally or blow-dry it? >> My hair is very short so it takes like 10 minutes. Do you straighten your hair? >> No. Do you sleep with a teddy bear? >> I sleep with two teddy bears and an assortment of other animals. Would you consider yourself a free spirit? >> I don’t really know what that means. Do you need to clean out your closet? >> --- Do you watch YouTube videos regularly? >> Sure. What’s your favorite coffee shop? >> --- Is your Pinterest page cluttered? >> --- Do you want to start a collection? >> No. Are you a role model? Would you consider yourself a good example? >> No. Are you a leader or a follower? >> I’m just... a person, man. My roles change depending on the situation. Who’s your favorite person? >> --- Who have been your favorite American Idol contestants? >> --- Did you used to name your Barbies? >> I don’t remember if they had names. What unnatural hair color looks best on you? >> I prefer silver on me. Is your life boring? >> It can be, but I like it the way it is. Do you usually feel better around people or alone? >> Alone is usually my default comfort zone. Is there a broken relationship in your life that you want to fix? >> No. Do you ever think about Heaven? >> Occasionally, because it seems like such an... unlikely kind of afterlife. Are you ready for Heaven yet? >> lmao did you just ask me if I’m ready to die Are you afraid of where you’re going to go? >> I really hope I can get that mushroom suit for my corpse. Do you have a tree outside your window? >> No. Do you feel better now than you did last night? >> Well, which part of last night? When I was at the after-party, I felt great. When I got back to the motel, I was super tired from all the drinking and socialising, so I felt a little crappy. I feel fine now. Is your sleep schedule messed up? >> Kind of, because I just spent two nights in a different time zone and away from my own bed. But it’s nothing a few nights back home won’t fix. Does your body have any problems with it? >> *shrug* Are you doing ok spiritually? >> Relatively. Have you taken any huge risks lately? >> Well, I guess coming down here was a bit of a risk financially, but it worked out. Silence or songs? >> Depends on what I’m in the mood for. Tea or coffee? >> Tea. Books or movies? >> Both. Do you ever watch your favorite movies from when you were a kid? >> Sure. ^If you were going to do that, what would you watch? >> The Prince of Egypt, definitely. The Pagemaster is a lot of fun to rewatch, too. Also, Labyrinth, of course. Do you ignore rude people or do you call them out? >> I usually ignore them. It’s less effort. Do you have trouble staying organized? >> No. What has been your most favorite adventure? >> I don’t really know. What has been your greatest mistake? >> *shrug* Are you happy with your life right now? >> Sure. Do you take anything to make your feel better? >> CBD oil kind of functions that way for me, in a not-very-dramatic way. Are your parents still together? >> They never were. What color socks do you have on? >> Grey with a Halloween design on them. Are you under a blanket right now? >> No. Are you hopeful? >> About what....?

#surveys #survey #random survey

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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April 4th-April 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from April 4th, 2020 to April 10th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What is something you’ve improved with in regards to writing or comic creation thanks to working on your story?

carcarchu

Oh this one i can answer definitively. it's 100% lineart. forcing myself to have to do lineart for hours everyday is definitely a way to force yourself to get better at it while i still don't like it it's something that i can do now without being scared about it

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Colouring. I had to get really creative in expressing emotion and hinting plot devices with colour. Also got much better with drawing gesture drawings due to looking at a lot of references!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Either writing dialogue or drawing/painting backgrounds... I used to be particularly awful at writing dialogue. It was too stiff and formal, and sounded a lot like old prose. Now, because of writing a comic and going through several scripts, the dialogue is a lot more natural, and the pacing is more realistic to actual conversations. And the other: backgrounds. I really used to not even draw them at all, and doing a comic forced me to have to think about environments in scenes. So I went from drawing floating characters to having to consider where they are and how it affects the story/mood.(edited)

Feather J. Fern

Paneling! That was my main focus to figure out how to do good paneling to have clearer pages

Deo101 [Millennium]

Honestly? Everything. It's all gotten better and I've learned so much. I would say my biggest improvement is probably in my time management, and art wise is probably composition and layouts. But it's hard to pick because I've grown so much in every aspect!

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Biggest thing I learned was to keep the story small and focused - and that the smaller, more human struggles are much better in creating tension than the whole default "the world's gonna end!" thing. Mind you, I still love a good "world's ending" story, but you gotta make people CARE about the people in that world first!

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

ohohohoooo I have done more drawing in photoshop in this short time I have worked on Wayfinders, than the rest of my life! That has given me some skills for sure! Coloring is another one, and generally just efficiency and flow in a comic

Nutty (Court of Roses)

For me it's been my use of color, and getting more confident in experimenting with it to really drive home a scene's mood!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

The clearest improvement I always notice is my layouts - I’ve gotten more adventurous with panel shapes and placement as time has gone on, experimenting with more interesting designs for the whole page. Some of those experiments haven’t been totally successful but it always feels like a worthwhile try. I’ve gotten some really, REALLY cool layouts out of these experiments, and I love seeing how dynamic the panels have become compared to my first chapter. Also speed. I’m so much faster now. Thank gooooooodness (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) I've definitely noticed the experimental panel layouts! They're really cool.

AntiBunny

Planning. Book 2 is when I started using sketchbook thumbnails to plan ahead. The luxury of that first draft meant I could rethink panel layouts and how to best express the events happening if I first had an idea of what was happening laid out.

Also digital art by necessity since I switched to digital during the current arc. I was decent at lineart already, but other aspects have really challenged me to grow as an artist. I had to totally rethink the way I create backgrounds for instance. During this time the background quality actually declined a little while I got used to a new method, but experience has improved my skills greatly as I force myself into new methods.

DanitheCarutor

Hmmm maybe paneling, speechbubbles and backgrounds? My current project is my second real attempt at doing a comic, but I have learned a lot of stuff from the community and general art and story tutorials. Backgrounds and bubbles were the worst for me when first starting out, I only read manga before starting so the speechbubble shapes did not fit with how English is written. Plus I've only drawn wooded fantasy settings before making my comic, so using a ruler, figuring out perspective points and drawing buildings was very new to me. I still hate drawing cities and such, but I've gotten a lot better at it and it is easier to do now. Since I mostly stuck with B&W before my current project, coloring also kind of improved? Depending on who's looking at it. Lmao If I were to think about story/characters/dialogue, I have no idea if I've improved. Honestly, I don't pay much attention to the quality. Also my brain kinda says it's all bad regardless of what I make.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

For my Improvements: I'm getting better at my comic panels, as I adjust to the vertical style. Before I've always drawn the standard format. It's more than just boxes, I try to keep a variety of sizes. I'm picking up roughly how much 'gutter space' I need per 2-3 panels.etc I'm also improving on choosing colors that fits my love of detailed linework.(edited)

OH! I'm also learning about Clip studio shortcuts, how to use the assets they provide which makes the process, abit easier on me. Things I need to change, is I want to get a good speedy coloring style, without referring to my usual coloring.(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

the more I worked on the comic, the more I feel ambitious in making different angles and perspective. So it's really hitting me out of my comfort zone which is good! lol Though I'm trying to keep in mind of my speed, what I feel like I've improved a bit is trying to keep in mind of paneling and dialogue.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Process! Space and i have definitely figured out the most productive way to produce content at the rate and quality that also provides us with time for our own projects. Comics are a useful tool that helps you discover ways to better organize your creative workflow for sure!

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I think probably scenery. I used to dread drawing inanimate objects but now I feel more confident in filling in a scene & even look forward to it sometimes. Maybe also page composition and paneling but I still have a lot to learn there

eli [a winged tale]

One of the reasons I embarked on the webcomic journey is to push myself to improve not only storytelling but also utilizing art to create a reader experience that would be difficult to replicate with just words. I’d like to think that 9 months into making A Winged Tale, I’ve improved on deciding when is a good opportunity to invest more into backgrounds vs character dynamics and when should be focused more on sequences of panels and composition. While the comic is written in a four panel format, more and more I’m finding areas where the story could be told by breaking those rules (attached pic). It’s a balance and I hope going forward I will improve more in pushing the limits of panels and find ways to express the story in fun and interesting ways.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Wow that's a very good description @eli [a winged tale] I look forward to reading more of your story journey

eli [a winged tale]

Thanks so much Joichi! I’m eager to keep learning~

Capitania do Azar

I'm gonna go with planning and actually getting it done. I'm so much faster because now the process is much more streamlined to me

kayotics

My whole comic was started s an exercise to just get better at comics generally so I’d probably say every part I’ve improved at? The biggest things are probably colors and the upfront planning process

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Ooof hard question. I think my main improvement lies with page and speechballoon layouts and writing natural feeling dialouge. I'd say maybe also character acting?

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I'm slowly learning how to create more engaging comic narrative. I read and research in the polished prem webcomics to see what makes them engaging? Like I'm going to challenge myself by creating a series of short stories with a reoccurring set of characters. Every new comic series I create is an experience, trial and error. Sometimes I skip the writeup and just go in blind, trust my own instincts. I'm glad to reach out and talk about it than in my own head. I hope by this year, I'll have at least 2 chapters of Hybrid Dolls out.(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've definitely gotten better at planning/ outlining multiple chapters ahead of time. I did not even do this when I was doing the first 10 something chapters. (I did attempt an outline before I began the comic, but the story changed significantly from the outline by the time I started the comic, and I did not try to do it again for a long while.) I can't remember when I started, but I do recall having a lot of trouble the first time I tried to do it. It's gotten a little easier each time, though. In fact, I just spent the past few days outlining the next few very important chapters, de-tangling some big tangles. I'm really glad my outlining (and overall writing) skills had leveled up, because HOO boy, I don't think my 2014-2015 self could have done this!

I also became friends with enviros. I had already become somewhat comfortable drawing perspective when HoK started, but I had a sort of mechanical approach to it, like "oh I need some enviro for these establishing shots, guess I'll draw them." But now I LOVE drawing enviros! (some types anyway...) It's my comfort activity, something I treat myself to after a long day! In the thumbnails for my next few pages, there's a few enviro-heavy panels that I have to remove, because I drew too many of them (and the pacing got too slow as a result). I have to stop myself from drawing too many of these.

My biggest improvement is probably I've come to understand my characters and my themes much better, but that's more of a "I got better at making HoK" than a "I got better at making comics." There's definitely a difference between the two.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

@keii’ii (Heart of Keol) ah I totally understand I tried the outline method before I start but my story changed alot after I drew it. So it start to feel like a waste of time for me, but I'll still write an outline to make sure to plan where my story heads(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah! I needed to draw those first few chapters to understand the direction of my own story.

The drawing part is an essential part of self-reflection, to try to understand what it is that I want out of the story. The answer has always been there in my heart, but I'm not able to see it clearly from the get-go.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I end up breaking scenes and put them in for future episodes, since I want to get a certain flow in the story.

It could be tricky to see what it is you want out of the story until you are in at least 3 chapters in?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I needed way more than 3 chapters -- though granted, my chapters are short, so that could be a part of it

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I see the early first script as testing the water. like a test to figure out the characters personalities. Unless you are bringing in old characters which you knew before?(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Even if the characters have been with you for a while, unless I have made a comic with them, there is a big chance that the characters will completely change, too.

DanitheCarutor

You know, I was thinking about about this, mostly about how I wouldn't have been happy if I was able to finish my comic the day I started. Then I realized I'm happy that I didn't. The first chapter wasn't the best, I was just learning how to coloring a comic, still fleshing out my characters and was still brainstorming small kinks in the story. I also still didn't have as much of an understanding of perspective, or panel and bubble layout. Even though I still have a lot I need to work on, I've gotten a lot better in all those aspects. Even though my use of color is weird, I've definitely gotten much more confident in it, enough so that I experiment and take a lot more risks with style. Even though my panelling can be boring, I have a much better understanding of how I want a page to look. I've improved a lot with my planning as well, like even though my thumbnailing/storyboarding only takes maybe 30, I've learned to step away for a bit if I don't like a layout, or analyzing why I don't like it and brainstorming ways to make it better. If I had magically finished the comic all at once, it would look really bad and may have been less readable.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

That is inspiring to hear about your improvement @DanitheCarutor

Natsu-no-Hikari

Chiming in! Just this week, Miko (my co-creator) and I were discussing how far we've come from when we started our first comic (https://liarsgotoparadise.com/) vs. where we are now. I think there have been a lot of learn experiences, such as art, dialogue, general editing - but especially with pacing and character interaction. We regret that we didn't stop to focus more on that interaction, as we wanted to move ahead in the story...and now we can't change that, except to start now and not allow ourselves to grow impatient. Take our time and enjoy the journey - that's our new motto. There's a time to rush ahead in perilous moments, but there's also definitely a time to catch our breaths and let the characters mingle and speak. It's an improvement that will become more noticeable going forward in Liars and our second comic as well.

#ctarchive #comic #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble #comic tea party #ctp

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5questions · 5 years

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Joselia Hughes

Joselia "Jo" Hughes is a Black 1.5-generation Cuban-Jamaican-Guyanese-American writer and artist from the Bronx. She lives with Sickle Cell Disease (HBSC) and ADHD.

Where did you find the 3rd grade poem? How did you decide to include it? What other collage or found art/poetry do you like?

The 3rd grade poem was from a collection of student works, Witch’s Brew, released by my grammar school, Horace Mann. I have two issues from 2nd and 3rd grades. Both of my works were quartered in the “Fantasy” section. There was another section called “Feelings” and, I think, The Sky more accurately suggests a feeling. Scratch that: it explicitly discusses a feeling. This misidentification by academic administration/curatorial staff (which doubles as a political demonstration) is telling. I think it explains a lot about the root confusion between what I have felt/feel to know as Experientially True versus what I’m told to know as The Truth. When considering the emotional and material lives of Black femmes, we must remember Black femmes have been historically disallowed, disavowed and dispossessed of creative virtuosity. Too often, we are strapped in the monolith of stereotyped caricature dictated by the manifested destiny written into commandments/constitution of misogynoir. Black femme virtuosity is reappropriated, regesticulated and worn like some earned bloody body wisdom by the Opps (Oppressive Forces). While I didn’t have those terms as a child, I experienced the consequences of misogynoir in conjunction with dis/ableism and classism, which aren’t separate entities but necessary vices that amplify asphyxiation. Is disabled Black femme loneliness only permissible when classified as fantasy? That shit don’t sit right in my spirit. I also used the poem because the title is Witch’s Brew and my zine, Heartbeats But No Air (HBNA), is a kind of exorcism. A few years ago, I pieced together that my maternal grandmother was a covertly practicing Bruja. With the widening reclamation of ancestral wisdom by BIPOC, in an effort to decolonize our existences, I was tapping into that tender tendon of wisdom.

Understanding my grandmother’s practice reminded me that she wanted to name me Darthula Verbena (daughter of God, enchanting and medicinal). I started referring to myself as DV, my pre-name, and inspected my childhood. That’s been a remarkable endeavor. I had to teach myself to play again. Through play, I learned how to feel. Learning feeling meant learning the qualitative and quantitative nature of the labyrinth of my thoughts. Once I learned some of the turns of the labyrinth, I could feel to know how to navigate the terrain without fear and engage in the rigorous study that’s always characterized my central self. Play is a code switch. I often think of code switching as a means to subvert/refigure power differentials. To hide in plain sight by retooling “seeing” to perception/sensing. How much are we perceiving/sensing? How often do we mean perception/sensing yet default to “sight”? Perception/Sensing adds dimensionality that isn’t always articulated with and through “sight” and “seeing”. Ralph Ellison’s identification of “lower frequencies” and J. Halberstam’s configurations of Low Theory do this work. I toy with these multiplicities in the zine. I work low to the ground which means I work close to my heartbeat, my central drum. I work meta; I go beyond. I like to sprinkle codes, tickle clues, tuck in questions, sew in wisdoms so I know what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, who I’m doing it for and to always remember the fun of FLiP (Feeling, Learning, iPlaying).

Some of the works/folks who’ve helped me FLiP are Dana Robinson’s meditative and piercing collages; Zulie’s mind bending, heart wrenching, time suspending zines; Nikki Wallschlaeger’s I HATE TELLING YOU HOW I REALLY FEEL; Seth Graham’s tattoo practice/paintings/unbounded love of outer space (they’ve done 3/4 of my tattoos); Amanda Glassman’s razor sharp poetry and encyclopedic curiosity; L’Rain's music has literally helped me scale the side of a mountain and carried me through hospitalizations; KT PE Benito’s multidisciplinary liberation praxis and collaborative friendship; Zoraida Ingles' holistic creative prowess (a conversation with her is why Heartbeats But No Air, as a title, exists); and Marcus Scott Williams’ writings/video/sculpture work that readily embraces the persistence of ephemera. This isn’t an exhaustive list—I have a solid library of books and papers and zines and tunes at my crib—but, genuinely, I’m inspired by everyone I’ve had the honor to encounter.

There are themes of love and race and beauty and culture and self-transformation in this book. Paired randomly, some pieces may not make as much common sense together, but as a whole, it feels powerful and cohesive. What was the structuring process like for this chapbook? Each zine is different, right?

It is one zine. I find it cool that you consider HBNA a chapbook made up of many zines. The word chapbook had never crossed my mind. I walked into the process with DIY zine logic and HBNA was printed using office photocopiers. I think the feeling of cohesion you mention is what happens when you witness a lot of parts of one person. In this case, you’re witnessing a lot of different parts of me, my thoughts, my actual labor. Whole is the goal ‘cuz people are whole. I am whole. I consider HBNA a single revolution of myself— one big twirl around a fire, a sun. I was in a very strange place. I’d alleviated, with the help of acupuncture and CBD products, a significant amount of the chronic pain I’d been experiencing since August 2014. I fell around love with someone and rose in love to myself (thanks Ms. Morrison and Ms. Stanford!). I was in an unfamiliar painless trance. I created and tinkered with all of those pieces during a very short period of time from Summer 2017 to Summer 2018. HBNA was originally named Girl Pickney (the prose pieces were written under that moniker) and before that NggrGrl (a nod to Dick Gregory). I wrote the poetry in an even shorter period of time—March to July 2018—and the poems are actually part of a full length collection that I wrote in those four months. I didn’t decide on the layout of the zine until I was with two friends formatting it for printing two days before I was going to read at The Strand and sell it. I kept all the pages, the puzzle pieces, in a folder. A lot of book structuring, for me, is based on emotional knowing—when to slap, when to pound, when to breathe, when to confuse, when to stun, when to anger, when to tell, when to soothe. All of my structuring decisions are fly about to get swatted dead but fast enuf to fly away first intuitive. If I’m channeling that intuition, I know I’m in running in the proper heat and lane.

You were in an MFA program at one point. How does this chapbook contrast with your style from before that program and during that program? Did that program have an effect on your writing? This doesn’t feel like the most MFA-y writing, which is why I ask, and which I mean as a compliment.

I’ve attended a few schools. I’ve completed fewer than I’ve attended. Until my late 20s, I was shy and desperate for people, those noun-verbs, to stay. This desire for people to stay meant I spent an inordinate about of time and energy relegating the difficult parts of myself to the margins of the margins and continually stepped into social/academic shoes that did not fit. HBNA was the first fitting of the bespoke shoes I can now emotionally afford to make. The first copies I sold had typos! I misspelled my own pre-name and that’s exactly what I needed to happen. It needed it to happen because I’m full of mistakes and yet! I try! I understand HBNA as a radical refutation of embarrassment. Depending on when you purchased a copy, you’ll see I used white-out to make a few corrections. No two zines are the same; only 80 copies exist. I’m printing 12 more copies (they’ve already been claimed) and then on to new pastures! The zine was printed in three different places (two offices I don’t work in and a local printing shop) and I was lugging around 800 individual sheets of paper that I stapled, numbered, indexed and decorated with stickers by myself…standing barefoot on the carpet of Staples in Co-Op City, listening to Ryo Fukui’s Early Summer on repeat until I finished and then I jetted to the Strand to read. HBNA was how I knew to embody my physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual labor. I’m a goofball with zany ideas, an indifference to external definitions of relevancy, sickled cells and a lot of chaotically grounding love. I write for myself first. Of the school lessons I did receive and learn, there weren’t many I didn’t later disassemble to rebuild, freak unfamiliar or completely misunderstand. J. Halberstam calls this “failing”. Rejigging failure has been such a gift to me. How wonderful! A failure AND still happening? Fuck yeah! I was a wildly uneven student whose knees buckled at mere thought of rigid academic authority. After years of shame and refusal, I can finally admit I am an autodidact. I intentionally get lost and navigate in and to the direction of my own senses. School didn’t teach me to write for myself and that’s who I always have to write for. If that’s selfish, so be it. I am my first audience. If I’m sus of me, then me and myself got foundational problems. I know my writing is non-institutional and that lack of institutional alignment and support, while scary as shit, pushes me to make and take risks to believe beyond the immediate demands/plans/remands of whatever external force I am facing. My writing is constantly colliding into A New I can’t predict. I’m fully committed to unfolding, unraveling, for curiosity’s sake.

What’s a typical day like for you?

My day to day life is as predictable as it is unpredictable. I am formally unemployed and have been for awhile. I live on very little cash and am kept afloat because my mom is a gem and hasn’t kicked me out. My days are 100% influenced by the weather and I spend a good portion of my time negotiating how to minimize the occurrence of vaso-occlusive crises and other complications from the disease I have, Sickle Cell. Between January 2018 and January 2019, I was hospitalized three times. Each hospitalization was about a week long and recovery took significantly longer.

Here’s a sketch of what I call a really great day: I wake up before 10. If the night’s sleep was especially restorative, I can comfortably rise at 8. Depending on how my body feels, depending on how much pain I’m enduring, how much fatigue is shrouding/clouding my faculties, I decide if I have the energy to take a shower. I do the bathroom routine, get a cup of orange juice and take my medications (Endari, sometimes Adderall, Folic Acid). I use the first hours of wakefulness to connect with loved ones via text-phonecalls-DMs and browse the internet for headlines-news-updates-new smiles. I wear my fits comfortable. I call comfort my uniform—upend normcore to body sensible—sweatpants/leggings, pullover, one earring (although I’m leaning to pairs again), handy dandy baseball cap and sneakers. I keep it simple. If the weather is aight—if it isn’t too cold or too hot and if precipitation is mostly at bay and air quality isn’t extremely poor—I go outside and get some living exercise. When able, I take extremely long walks. Once I walked over 50 miles in a week! It’s my preferred form of meditation. Walking/body movement grounds my ADHD symptoms more effectively than stimulants, strengthens my body for potential Sickle Cell episodes and satiates my unyielding need to feel connected to other people. I’m at my best when outside and happening. Illness can create an inescapable interiority. Inside reminds me of the hospital and my relationship with the hospital is, at best, fraught. Walking allows me to follow myself. I engage in peek-a-boo with babies, witness accidents, smile at strangers, duck the eyes of leering people and learn how to love differently too. I go to playgrounds and swing. I take photos and notes. If I’ve got a lil cash, I ride the subway for fun. I poke into shops, admire graffiti and other street signs. I have one woman dance parties on sidewalks. I rest on park benches and read. I pick up grub from hole in the wall spots—you know—I live my life and embrace as much as I can while centering kindness and gentle flow. The walks are my favorite part of my job, which I do not have. When I return home, I rest then get to crafting which I sometimes call spelling. Crafting/Spelling can be anything from adding to my I-Box, spitting verses from the abstract (poetry), spinning short stories, detailing journal entries, doodling, painting, knitting, researching & studying, dancing & stretching, bugging out on Twitter or reading. My bedroom is my studio so I work small yet widely. I intentionally provide myself with many targets so I can a) keep my thoughts and feelings flowing b) find the connections between all of my actions and c) mitigate the stress that sits in the heart of a lone project. I am a multifaceted, multifauceted being. Why not turn on all the taps?

The more long form prose pieces in here have the feel of nice punch-y flash fiction. Are you writing a fiction collection without poems and collage in it? I want to read that, too :)

Hahaha! You’re onto me! Yeah, I am writing another book of poems, a manifesto zine and a collection of fiction. I’ve been writing a collection of fiction since 2012. I had a lot of the difficultly writing the fiction because I was too attached to the title, the characters I conceived needed to grow up with me, and I experienced many years of unremitting and improperly managed mental and physical illness. I was holding onto and telling lies. The shame woven into those lies kept me silent and scared. All of that shit needed to get integrated or dropped. I couldn’t enter the prose/fiction I’m currently writing without learning how to survive myself and the world and bottom-belly-believe in survival too. I’m getting there— healing with primary, secondary and tertiary intentions. Won’t say much about the fiction pieces of than: ~15 stories, lyrically speculative fiction, capital B Black, disabled, and queerfemme parables of creation and destruction and maintenance. My website is in flux but I do readings and performances. Hit me up on Instagram , Twitter or email me at [email protected]. Might take a minute for me to respond because I’m thoughtful yet questionably organized. Now go play, ya’ll!

Unintentionally wrote a poem in the interview. I call it A.B.B in Lieu of A.B.C

beyond

fly, about to get swatted dead but fast enuf to fly away first,

always believe beyond

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doktorpeace · 5 years

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Top 5 Games Of The Year #1

[Downside Ballad - Pyre OST]

Pyre is something really, truly, special and let me prove that to you by just describing it in the most literal sense. It is, essentially, a Basketball RPG and Visual Novel about escaping Purgatory. Not only is it wholly unlike any other game I’ve ever played or, really, even heard of before but works; it takes such a wild concept and turns it into absolutely one of the best, most unique, most touching games I’ve ever played in my life. To sum it up here right at the start, because this is going to be very long, Pyre is a game that combines a beautiful visual aesthetic and tangible, easy to parse, always expanding lore to build a cohesive, believable setting for its world and inhabitants. It then fills that world with fully fleshed out characters, so fleshed out in fact you will miss content in your first go round, because of the nature of the game it is impossible to see all of the content for every character in a single run which I’ll get into more later. It conveys itself to you in the style of a visual novel for the most part, giving a lot of time for character interactions, dialogue, and a conveyance of the world at a pace that keeps the game continuously fresh and easy to digest. It caps off each set of interactions with a gameplay segment, called a Rite, which are the ‘Basketball’ segments I mentioned before. While that’s a bit of a simplification of what all the gameplay has to offer in terms of depth and strategy it’s still a pretty apt way to describe it. Cap everything off with a unique and memorable piece of music for almost every major NPC and major part of The Downside and Pyre takes so many seemingly disparate elements and so many ostentatious ideas and turns it all into a cohesive whole basically without error and for that it deserves so much love and praise. The Downside and every location therein is so distinct and memorable it’s incredible and I think it’s helped by how colorful it is despite the narrative purgatory and harshness it has. Every location stands out from one another based solely on color palette and design. I’d like to just post a few examples:

This is helped by each Rite arena having a unique layout as well, integrating the uniqueness of the overworld and carrying it over into gameplay. The geography of The Downside has an almost dreamy, impossible to exist feeling about it from start to end which contrasts in a good way with how well realized the setting is. Part of what helps each location and every Rite feel unique is that every single place the party travels to is in and of itself a monument or major landmark of some kind. Be it the largest ship to ever crash in the sea, the remains of a titanic scorpion which once wandered the deserts near the beginning of the game, or even just where many of the Downside Imps reside every location has a tangible existence to it. This is helped by one of the smartest conveyance features I’ve ever seen in a game, and it really takes advantage of the visual novel style presentation of Pyre. Every single time a proper noun is used in conversation the text is highlighted in a bold red text and highlighting that text, be it about a person or a place or an event, the game will reveal just a snippet of information which clues the player into key information as they play in a non-obstructive way. In fact, this is used for one major character to convey the meaning of all of their dialogue, as they do not speak english.

Then, once the player has met said person or been to that place, or heard a bit more about that event in another conversation a full page or more gets added about it to the Book of Rites the player has from the beginning of the game, giving the player an optional chance at more reading to invest themselves further into the game world. Some of these pages open solely through gameplay challenges as well; Lore about the stars which you follow and the constellations in the sky and the major locations will only unlock by playing the game in ways relevant to that information. All of this information can be obtained in a single playthrough and, to me, represents what a ‘100%’ run is for this game, a great reward in my opinion. The more you want to interact with the world the more it opens up to you, 179 pages of optional text in all and as someone who read every last drop of it I promise you it’s interesting and worthwhile as a reward, it would take far too long to go into detail about here.

[Strange Voyage - Pyre OST] The inciting incident for the plot is that the player, yes you as the point of view character is intended to be literally you, has been breaking the law by knowing how to read and keeping books. The game lingers on this only in an opening cutscene, showing your collection being burnt before cutting to you exiled and sure to die in The Downside. Being as the player themselves are intended to be involved in the world and setting the game never asks for a name but instead only asks for your pronouns. He/Him, She/Her, and They/Them are all options and as a minor details I personally like that She/Her is the default, most games with features like this assume male as default. Regardless, this changes nothing mechanically about the game every character interaction with you stays the exact same, they just use the proper pronouns used to refer to you by. It’s a nice little option. Your importance to the characters who save you is immediate and thus your ability to be invested is as well and your importance comes from your crime: You can read. You, the player, are literate in a world where literacy in illegal and that allows you uniquely to read The Book of Rites, a magical book in the possession of the other protagonists (the reason they have it at all is explained later, it’s not just a Way Too Convenient happenstance though I will not reveal why here in order to avoid spoilers) which can be used to determine the next location a Rite will be held. Thus, from the very start putting the onus of deciding exactly how to get from point A to point B on the player. This immediately gives the player a reason, but a mundane and believable one, to be special and to have decision making power in this situation. You’re not some god touched, ultra special, prophesied savior. You are defined by this literacy so strongly that your special title is ‘The Reader’ which carries different connotations to different characters. Ultimately you’re just you. It’s good writing and I love it. The game then focuses on the journey you take with the other starting characters Jodariel, Rukey, and Hedwyn travelling from the furthest point south in The Downside, hitting all of the major locations along the way to conduct the Rites being held there, and travelling as far north as possible to the place where special Liberation Rites are held. These Rites are always between your team The Nightwings, and the best scoring team in that Liberation Cycle. The lore based reason for your team always competing is given in the song played during these Rites and is expanded upon through other lore, including a major plot twist at the end I won’t spoil but in short The Nightwings are the team all others are measured against. The writing surrounding this works well enough as a means of never excluding the player from the most important content in the game, while also giving good reasoning for your team to be unique. As their name implies, these rare and special Rites are used to determine the worthiness of a single individual, one selected from each team, to ascend back up into The Commonwealth with all of their crimes forgiven. As one could imagine this can result in some INTENSELY bad blood between members of The Nightwings and other team’s players. Imagine you’ve worked your ass off succeeding in these Rites, surviving a downtrodden and harsh purgatory with little in the way of food and you get ONE STEP away from finally being free, only to be rejected at the last minute. It’s gonna sting and it’s GOING to change how these characters feel about each other. Since everybody in the plot has been here longer than you have and they’ve all got relationships and opinions regarding each other. Some as simple as hating a whole team and some deeply nuanced and seeing them slowly open up to the player is another nice treat that helps the world feel oh so real. [Vagrant Song - Pyre OST] The pacing through this first half of the game is absolutely superb. You’re introduced to every playable party member you’ll receive, of which there are 9 in total, given an extended opportunity to interact with them and learn about who they are, their motivations, the crimes they committed to end up here, just a whole lot about them though not all join quite yet. While you won’t learn all of this immediately and, oftentimes, can miss major information on a character if you manage to have them Liberated that’s a purposeful part of the game’s structure. You can’t always see everything or know everything about someone, even if you really want to. It drives home the quality of the writing just a little bit more while also giving the player real, meaningful reason to play through the game again. From here on though, the game’s pacing enhances dramatically and the player is really given the reigns to decide a lot of things. I won’t go into too much detail since it spoils a big part of what makes the latter half of the plot special but basically a lot more Rites than normal begin occurring at once. Typically only a couple can happen in a night, since it is based on the glow of certain stars imbuing their respective landmarks with the magical power needed to perform Rites at all. Since so many are happening at once the player can really dictate what characters they get to see and where they get to play a lot more and that’s great from a gameplay perspective. While I felt the pacing of the game got a bit too fast compared to the first part and initially found it jarring Pyre never loses its poise and the player will quickly get into a groove with their newfound freedom. Plot events are still meaty and there’s a lot of unique little dialogues the player can miss simply by not bringing certain party members to certain locations against certain other teams. It’s all very granular and means no two playthroughs will be alike. Before I forget a little thing I love about this game is how The Blackwagon, the home you all share, starts kind of plain and bare but every character you get adds a little personal something to the interior and as you travel through the world it gets filled with all sorts of nick-nacks. It helps flesh out your party members and the world while also making the Black Wagon feel genuinely lived in, it’s nice. Also, if you highlight any given personal item of a party member it’ll tell you what they’re currently doing, so even if you can’t talk with them that day you can still get just a little bit more flavor text out of them.

The game has variable endings in both major and minor ways. I would consider there to be about four ‘major’ variations on the ending, all of which are determined by your overall success in the Liberation Rites. There are then somewhere around Two Hundred Million end state variations depending on the player’s choices, successes in Rites, what they learned, who specifically they freed, and more. While the player could get all of the main variations in just a few playthroughs this sheer dedication to detail gives every player something to feel accomplished for that’s all their own. All in all, I could gush about Pyre’s writing for hours but I think that will suffice for now. I think it goes without saying as well that Pyre is a visually stunning game. The almost paint-like models and dreamy appearance of everything is beautiful to see in motion. Every animation is clear, every particle effect stunning, every location beautiful, and every character expressive. Pyre is a beautiful, gorgeous game and I wish I could give it the description it deserves but frankly I don’t have the words to. Hopefully just the pictures I provide throughout this review will help sway you but trust me, if you like playing games for their visuals, their character designs, their environments, just how pretty everything is Pyre won’t disappoint you. [The Eight Scribes - Pyre OST] About the gameplay itself Pyre manages to build a Sports RPG that, at least to me, didn’t feel like a ‘Sports’ game in the colloquial sense. It felt involved, tactical, and had enough of a fantasy element to it to make it stand head and shoulders above its contemporaries. Pyre’s gameplay is deep, balanced, and most importantly fun. All 9 of your playable party members feel different from one another, in part thanks to the amazing variety of body types at play lending themselves to intrinsic gameplay differences, and they each add something valuable to the three man team composition that each Rite is conducted with. This combined with each map in the game being just a bit different also means the player is constantly incentivized to try new team compositions and to not fall into just a comfortable rhythm.

Rites are contests with no time limit. The only goal at hand for each team is to extinguish the Flame of their opponents, which is essentially their basket. To do so each team must try and carry an orb that spawns in a neutral position to their opponent’s flame with any member of their team, leaping with force into it. The Flame of each team has a standard worth of 100 and most of the time your goal is to earn 100 Points or inflict 100 damage depending on how you look at it, though there are variables which can make this number higher or lower for both the player and their AI controlled opponents. Each character lowers the flame’s value by a different amount, usually inversely proportional to their speed and size. Your largest, slowest, hardest to navigate party member, Jodariel, can snuff an entire flame in just two or three scores meanwhile your faster, easier to score with units such as Sir Gilman and Ti’Zo typically lower a flame by 15 or 20 points.

[Talon Sheath - Pyre OST] Importantly, however, is to note that scoring with a character removes them from the field until another goal is made. This means the team that scored last must now play 2 against 3 and, if they continue scoring, will continue to play at that disadvantage for the entire game after the first score. This system, like so many others in the game, ensures the player never gets too comfortable relying on ‘old reliable’ strategies and must constantly think and play to their fullest. Alternatively, characters can both pass and throw the orb to facilitate team based play and allow for advanced strategies and unique abilities to be made use of. Throwing the orb into the Flame of an opponent takes a bit longer and is harder to do than jumping into the Flame and also nets less points BUT keeps the scoring player in the game, since they were not banished by the Flame. This opens up a lot of playstyle variety and strategy on its own and is a very smart feature in my opinion. While playing a match each team can only move any one character of the three at a time, and while it’s nigh instantaneous to change who you’re controlling it does make for an interesting, almost chess-like approach to gameplay. To make this more clear there is no AI to control the teammates you’re not actively playing as, they simply stand there until you choose to move them around again. Some characters are only really good in movement where others can easily be useful just standing still it creates a unique gameplay feeling which keeps the tension high and thus player involvement up. It’s hard to describe exactly how it works, but trust me, it works quite well. [Path to Glory - Pyre OST]

Banishment is another major part of how matches are played in Pyre. Each character has a different attack or set of attacks that, if they connect with an opponent, Banishes them from the field for a time and it is possible to have an entire team wiped out at once, leading to free goals. In addition to their dedicated attacks characters also have a stat called Presence, generally tied to how large they are and their demeanor, which causes them to cast a flaming shadow in a circle around them. If any opponent so much as touches the ground in this area they are instantly banished, allowing large characters to function as ‘goalkeepers’ in a sense. Note that I said touches the ground, however, some characters can leap a VERY long distance to undermine all but the absolute largest of Presences given good spacing and timing. This mechanic functions well, but can sometimes be frustrating since the AI can be VERY good at making called shots or long distance snipes to take out characters. Just flinging the orb into opponents can banish them as some characters, that’s fun. Interestingly as well a character’s Presence Aura disappears while they perform an active attack which in and of itself is a good balance for characters with exceptionally large Auras.

Each character has a few major stats: Glory, which determines the damage they deal to the Flame anytime they extinguish it. This is generally inversely proportional to a character’s speed, but some characters who are particularly righteous still score very well even while being fast such as Pamitha. Presence, which as mentioned before determines essentially their defensive capabilities. This is generally tied to the character’s size, though Ti’Zo the imp has an extremely large Aura regardless of being so small. Quickness, which determines their speed. Generally the smaller the better, but the fastest character of all, The Vagabond Girl (Who for the purposes of this review will be called ‘Fae’ from here on because LITERALLY everyone I know chose that name for her) is of an average size. and last but not least Hope, which determines their respawn timer after being Banished by an opponent. This is entirely informed by the character’s personality and thus has nothing to do with their other statistics. It is also the most fickle stat, being the one most prone to both temporary and permanent changes. These stats can be adjusted by Charms, each character can hold one and every character has at least one completely unique to them that no one else can use. Charms generally just raise stats to give an edge to a character, but they also can give access to unique options such as a farther leap, augmenting a character’s special abilities, the ability to cause earthquakes by jumping, the opportunity to instantly respawn after being banished once per play in each match, and more. Characters can also be adjusted as they gain experience, known as Enlightenment in this game. As you play through characters will slowly gain access to four permanent and major adjustments to their playstyle. There are 8 options with many being mutually exclusive. These are permanent changes with I believe only a single opportunity to respec a single character on any playthrough so the decision is tough especially since often all the options presented are fun and interesting. For some characters these upgrades push them to one role or another but for others, like Hedwyn, it can take a relatively mediocre and unspecialized character and make them into an absolute powerhouse. Other things that can adjust the character’s stats include your dialogue options with them and about them to other people, plot events, and who is Liberated at the current time. Most of these are temporary but sometimes you can have permanent effects on your teammates, for good or ill.

[Never to Return - Pyre OST]

Now to get to perhaps the defining trait of the gameplay side of things, the event around which the plot revolves: Liberation Rites. As I touched on before these Rites are used to determine if a character is worthy to go free from The Downside and return to society at large with their crimes forgiven. This does have gameplay ramifications which are permanent in each playthrough, whoever goes free is removed from the game. Be they your teammate or your opponent they are gone for good. For you this means no more talking with them anymore, no more finding out about them except by secondhand accounts which are generally less detailed than the source, and no more using them in future Rites. Only your three most experienced party members are options for Anointment on any given Liberation, too, so don’t think you can just send your least favorite party member who you’ve been neglecting; You must give up someone of great value to you every single time. It’s a tough decision which, again, drives replay value AND the narrative along letting every last element of the game coalesce in a meaningful way. One might decide to keep their very favorite character around a little longer so they can help in more Rites and so they can talk with them more, since every character has unique dialogue all the way up through the very end of the game, but then you may risk them never going free as there are not enough Liberations to go around. It’s a tough decision every time and there are no right answers. It’s a great, amazingly considered concept from a narrative and gameplay perspective and it was well worth building a game around. I would like to talk briefly on each party member, but not too much since I want to keep them special. I will only talk about eight of the party members here since two of them are spoilers in and of themselves. Hedwyn is the closest thing to an ordinary person you get in your party. He’s a kind, level headed man who’s always there when you need advice. While initially he might seem boring compared to the other options Hedwyn ultimately surprised me with how much I liked him though in terms of gameplay he’s definitely the most plain party member. Not the worst, far from it, but definitely the most plain. His role in gameplay initially starts as an ‘all rounder’ kind of character but eventually he blossoms into a supportive role, acting essentially as a cheerleader for your other party members, giving them AMAZING boons just for taking the field with them and honestly that fits his personality so well. Jodariel is a Demon, she has managed to survive in The Downside for a very, very long time compared to most. She’s gruff, very slow to open up, and generally quite harsh and realistic. All that said she’s still quite personable if you have the drive to get to know her. As a result of being down here so long she’s also got a lot of ties to the other teams you’ll be facing giving her some of the most interesting relationships in the game. She’s kind of a team mom, too, and very self sacrificing over the course of the game. In terms of gameplay I think Sandra puts it best:

She is arguably the weakest party member you receive on the whole but she is far from useless. She’s a great auxiliary party member and slots well into just about any team of three characters. Defensively she’s a monster as well, her Presence stat can reach ludicrous levels, making it impossible for opponents to score in any way other than by throwing the orb or banishing her first. She’s quite fun to use on the whole. Rukey Greentail is a Cur (yes that is his species name) and is quite the rogue. He’s got that kind of disposition where you just know this jokester is hiding something from you but he’s very good at deflecting attempts to pry so he’s slow to open up. He, like Hedwyn, is actually quite kind from the get go though his snarkier more eccentric personality can make him harder to read and get along with at times. Ultimately though he’s a good guy, he’s just also kind of greedy. Early on in terms of gameplay he will absolutely be your offensive star. He’s fast, he’s got a long jump, and he can dart right through enemy defenses and only gets better at it as you go. I tend to find he has kind of a reverse bell curve of effectiveness. He’s incredibly good early on, then in the middle of the game most other characters overtake them as they can fill multiple roles on a team compared to his specialized speedy offense, and then he unlocks the ability to double jump and shit absolutely hits the fan. Rukey is a great long term investment and is the character most able to just ignore enemy defenses and terrain difficulties in order to seal the game for you. Fae is another human, like you and Hedwyn, though she’s a bit more in line with the world you find yourselves in in terms of personality. She’s very out there, having visions and a very deep interest in and almost idolization of The Eight Scribes and their lore, giving her almost a religious aspect other characters lack. She’s difficult to parse and doesn’t develop as much as the other characters but her relationships are developing at the same time yours are, since nobody knows her before she joins you. Seeing how the party members get along with her over time is a treat. She’s an endearing character, just a bit of an oddball. In terms of gameplay she has ridiculous mobility and overall really good stats. Though she doesn’t gain as much from her personal upgrades as most other characters she’s still consistently useful since she has can run VERY fast and leap VERY far. Like Rukey she’s almost entirely offense oriented, but she can be used for other roles more easily thanks to her superior size. Also you get to choose her name when you meet her and all of the options rhyme with ‘Gray’. Everyone I know chose ‘Fae’ and I gotta say it’s a very fitting name for her personality.

Ti’Zo is a Wagon Imp and a natural resident of the Downside. Having never been to the Commonwealth and also not of a typically ‘intelligent’ species he cannot speak in human language. Thankfully he is very expressive, so you can always understand him anyway.

He’s been a member of The Nightwings for longer than almost anyone else and thus actually gives some good insight to the Rites themselves and the history of The Downside. He also has complex relationships with some other party members and enemy teams. He’s just a great wellspring of character and completely avoids the annoying ‘Mascot Character’ bullet. In terms of gameplay he’s the most different party member you get. His attack hits a MASSIVE area but also banishes himself, he has a huge presence, high hope, his Glory can be raised through his personal upgrades to great levels, and he’s fast! So what’s his downside? His movement is in set bursts. As you move around with him he jumps from place to place and you cannot adjust his jump mid arc. He takes a lot of commitment to play but I would argue he’s one of the strongest party members overall since he’s just so good at everything. Honestly it makes sense given how long he’s been conducting Rites, but still! [Knights of the Sea - Pyre OST]

Sir Gilman is a Wyrm Knight and he’s about everything you would expect. He’s honorable, a good and true person, and loyal to a fault. He’s also maybe a bit too forthcoming which can get him in trouble sometimes. Nonetheless he’s great to have around and is a funny guy, too. Despite his seemingly carefree nature he does a lot of introspection and worries about the choices he’s made in his life giving him a hidden bit of sadness that’s interesting to tap into. Gameplay wise Sir Gilman is a great, well rounded character. Though his presence is small he is great defensively, with perhaps the safest attack in the game, a teleport that damages everywhere between where he starts and ends. He can easily defend your Flame and wipe out whole teams. He’s also amazing offensively as he’s quite fast and has a good leap, but his orb throw is very slow and easy to intercept making his offense a bit one dimensional. Overall Gilman is a great party member who slots comfortably onto any team. Pamitha is a Harp with a troubled history and a great desire to make good out of the mess that is her life situation. She’s had a rough lot in life, growing up in a society that demands everything of you, something she still struggles with growing past. Despite that she’s got a fun loving personality and is pretty personable, she just has a hard time gaining the trust of your other party members, especially given the conditions she joins under. She’s an interesting nut to crack open and she’s got a lot of depth but I feel that goes without saying. In terms of gameplay she’s unquestionably the best party member in my opinion. Like Ti’zo she’s not really bad at anything but unlike Ti’zo she can fly. Flight is exactly as overpowered as you might anticipate in a basketball game. Once she has the orb she’s basically already scored. Pamitha is absolutely incredible and can do anything the player needs. She can win whole matches entirely on her own without breaking a sweat. There are two other playable party members, but I’ll refrain talking from them here. I’ll just say they were both among my favorites, one in particular holds a lot of context to the game as a whole, so getting to meet them will be a special moment for anyone who decides to play the game after reading this! All in all your party members are diverse, well balanced, and interesting. They truly are the draw for this game and though I didn’t anticipate liking them all so much truly they all, each and every one, surprised me with their depth and just how well realized they were. I love the cast of Pyre, well and truly. Additionally there is one quasi-party member, the above mentioned Sandra. Though never playable she does offer you help and advice through the game. She’s snarky and has a very negative personality though even from her you can eke out a friendship if you’re consistent in talking with her. She has an extremely unique perspective I won’t spoil, but she has character specific challenges, one per party member, which require you to beat her 1 vs 3 in a challenge built just for that party member. Succeeding unlocks a unique Charm for that character and they’re great moments of progress and inspiration for each and every one. Sandra’s a tough opponent though, so don’t take her lightly. While all of her content is optional, it’s good bonus content and I’d absolutely recommend talking with her anytime possible and taking her on with all of your party members as the chances arise.

[In The Flame - Pyre OST]

The last one I want to talk about is you, The Reader. While you aren’t playable in Rites directly you do control the Rites, and this game controls really well. Regardless of if you prefer a controller or a keyboard and mouse the game feels good. I played with a Keyboard+Mouse setup and was able to unlock every singleplayer achievement on my first run, though some did take multiple attempts. You have the option to restart Rites at no penalty at anytime as they’re being played, keeping the stakes from getting too high, but savescumming is obviously not within the intent of the game. Still, it’s an option if you wish to use it. Overall Pyre is not too hard of a game at default, but there are 12 Constellations which unlock over time, all of which make the game harder should you choose to make use of them. In exchange your characters get 3% or more bonus experience per each one in use. These range in effect from ‘Make the AI faster/better’ to ‘Damage your own Flame at the start of a match’ to giving opponents basically hacks, such as allowing them to keep their Presence Aura while holding The Orb, which normally is not allowed. These can add a severe challenge to any match in the game and are worth exploring, since winning a match with any given one active unlocks more lore in your book! Still, the customizable difficulty means no player should get bored or find the game too tough or too easy. As you may have noticed I’ve been linking to some of the game’s absolutely stellar OST throughout this review and, frankly, it’s one of the best OSTs I’ve ever heard in a game. It’s about 2 hours long despite the game itself being relatively short in length. The sound design of the gameplay itself is really great too, but again I’m not really skilled at being able to say why. Still, everything from moving around to scoring, to banishment sounds impactful and distinct. Even different body types cause different sounds while moving which is a great touch. The game also has a multiplayer mode in which you can play any combination of ANY named character from the main game including some who never showed up in a Rite! It’s good fun with a friend and a nice bit of extra content once the main game is finished. Really, there’s a lot more I could talk about. I haven’t even talked about the many, many NPCs but they’re quite lovely and distinct too, each readily coming back to my mind as I think about the game. Pyre is a game with so much depth, so much to it despite being only about a 15 hour game in total. Please just, play this game, it’s a complete package in every sense of the word: Great gameplay, stellar soundtrack, gorgeous art design, AMAZING writing, and an awesome concept all rolled together, it’s not often such a thoroughly and completely amazing game comes along just to blow you out of the water. It is such a special game with so much to give! It’s $8 dollars on Steam right now and its soundtrack is just an additional $3. Supergiant Games truly knocked the ball out of the park with this one, I truly feel Pyre is something special and stands head and shoulders not just above Supergiant’s other products, Bastion and Transistor, not just above other Sports games like Golf Story, not even just above other Visual Novels. No, Pyre stands above every single game I played in 2018. I love this game and you owe it to yourself to experience all of the great, unique, and amazing things it has to offer.

#Pyre (Game)#supergiant games #Dok's GotY 2018 #keep in mind this is of games I played this year and not games that came out this year

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honestfutures · 6 years

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skill and creation in hacf

I’ve seen a lot about who’s the “smartest” or “most creative” in HACF (often paired with Donna hate…), and while of course it’s always more complicated than simple character stats, I thought it might be fun to look at the various ways the characters are skilled and how they differ. So let’s break down these characters like Pokemon, shall we?

Hard skills: by this I basically mean strictly technical proficiency and knowledge. This is what most people think when they consider the characters’ “intelligence”.

Donna: Based solely on what’s plainly stated in dialogue, Donna is a skilled engineer with a computer science degree. In terms of “hard” skills, she has at minimum THE SAME credentials as Gordon. Like I’m tired of hearing about this.

Gordon: He has the same degree as Donna. I mean, there’s not much to say here because it’s sort of matter-of-fact, he is evidently good at what he does and I would say it’s by far his strongest area out of the 3 I’m looking at.

Cam: Cameron is more slippery to pin down, but we’re meant to understand her as exceptionally bright, a prodigy, in the sort of nebulous good-at-everything way TV likes to depict prodigies.

Joe: He has other skills, more specifically he is good at selling, influencing, and encouraging, but he is not knowledgeable about computers by his own admission, and as evidenced repeatedly. He’s the least technically skilled of the group.

Something to consider is how in this one area, the skills of the characters go against the typical distribution of tech skills in media, gender role-wise: both women are very talented re: hard skills, and the least talented person is a man, who in other ways, small and large, is an outsider and goes against typical gender norms. Someone who is not me write an essay on this. Anyway, moving on...

Soft skills: Soft skills encompass things like organization, time management, communicating with others, etc. Unlike hard skills they’re harder to teach or quantify, because they’re usually not considered job skills, just someone’s personality, or, in a more unspoken way, “feminine” skills.

Donna: She’s skilled at these because she needs to be, as a mother and wife, and because she is by default the only person who really has these skills at Mutiny and is therefore forced to step into that role- to deal with the power company, to prevent coders from attacking each other, to organize, etc. She’s the most classic example of someone with good soft skills.

Gordon: He sucks at this. He’s got some brain stuff going on, but mostly he’s a man in the 1980’s who has never developed these skills because he’s never needed to; he’s got Donna. Of note is the fact that even in season 1, Donna is performing these duties for Gordon at home with no pay. YMMV on how much of that is normal in a relationship, but the fact is the Giant project would never have gotten off the ground if Gordon had to take on 50% of childcare, event planning and other household responsibilities, and this is true of many families.

Cameron: Bless her heart, she is also garbage at these, in a more overt way than Gordon. Part trauma, part possible autism/adhd/other neurodivergence, part “is literally 19 at the start of the series”.

Joe: This is tricky. He is very skilled, but in a restricted and relatively short term way, that is to say he burns bridges as fast as he can build them. This is one of the areas he learns to improve over time.

Though you might not consider these things when comparing the characters’ smarts or talents, they’re definitely part of that equation. These are all skills that are undervalued but that in real life are crucial, and no project can succeed without them; if you can’t talk to people you can’t work in a team, secure funding, etc. They may not be impressive skills like coding, but they are crucial, and this is where most of the tension between Cam and Donna comes from in season 2 and 3: Cameron doesn’t understand this and feels judged, and Donna resents being made to fill that role. If you don’t consider soft skills as valuable, time-consuming and challenging, most of Donna’s character development and personal struggles will be lost on you.

Creativity: This is a little more difficult to define. It’s not just ideas, and as anyone in a creative field will tell you, everyone hates the “idea guy”; typically a dude, who thinks his ideas are great, but has no concept of how to follow through on them. Creativity implies an understanding of how your idea can be implemented, if not the personal know-how to do it.

Cameron: She is of course the main creative: the friendly OS, Mutiny, Space Bike, etc. She can both imagine her ideas, and has the know-how to execute these ideas personally.

Donna: Her main idea in the series is Community, and again, she both imagines the idea AND knows how to implement it and develop it further as the concept grows. She is building on the Mutiny concept, of course, in the same way Cameron’s Mutiny concept was building on the existing framework of phone lines. Aside from that, Donna, creatively, is the one most likely to come up with fixes for specific problems (think the piggybacked layout of the Giant and the trick to convince Joe they had ported Mutiny to UNIX), which is interesting considering that’s her role in the plot socially as well.

Joe: At the outset, he is absolutely, 100%, the Idea Guy. Possibly the best example is the scene in season 1 where he writes 2x faster, 2x cheaper on the whiteboard and expects Cam and Gordon to reverse engineer that into reality. In real life this kind of behavior doesn’t impress anyone. Like, anyone, really anyone, can do that. I can tell you I have an idea for an app that lets you talk to your cat, but if my whole idea is “an app that lets you talk to your cat”, I’m very clearly full of shit and my idea is pointless. So while Joe is outwardly creative he is, creatively, the least useful. Again, Joe evolves here, as the writers realized “Mad Men clone” was a bad look for their show, and as he naturally learns more about the industry his ideas get more grounded.

Gordon: He has… some ideas, notably Sonaris and his garage-based computer business, but both flop badly and immediately and he lacks the vision to polish them into something functional. I would say Gordon is the least “creative” of the main four, but this brings me to another thing:

Gordon and Joe: They typically arrive at ideas together, the Giant most prominently (Cam’s OS is almost entirely separate from the Joe/Gordon back and forth on the hardware), their business in season 4, and I would argue Sonaris/MacMillan Utility. Joe suggests an idea with no technical basis, and Gordon is the one who figures out the execution, or vice versa: Gordon invents unsellable, impractical software, and Joe figures out how to use and sell it.

This is crucial: I can’t count Joe’s Giant concept as an independent idea, because he himself has no clue how something like that would work, whereas it's not fully Gordon’s because he’s not capable of that kind of initial creative drive. Their ideas only really reach fruition when both are involved. What’s fascinating is seeing how he and Gordon mesh together as partners, both equally crucial. There’s tension there, but ultimately they're uniquely well-matched and rarely work without the other. Even when Joe starts his company without Gordon, he’s using his software. Comparatively, Cam and Donna do work together but can create independently; it's less meshed at that creative level because they are individually more well-rounded.

In conclusion I guess, while all these nuances are definitely explored in a way that many shows don’t do, HACF definitely falls into that trap of attributing ideas and achievements to individuals rather than teams, and specifically those individuals who have skills understood as valuable in a capitalist, white man-centric culture. Here that means coders and engineers, with other disciplines that Cardiff or Mutiny would definitely need, like visual and sound artists, HR staff and yeah, janitorial staff, happening automatically in the background.

Part of this is because of the obvious fact that you need central characters to root for, but it’s worth keeping in mind because this is definitely a mindset that affects the workforce particularly for lower-paid, majority female and nonwhite jobs. Appreciate these people!

Thanks for reading!

#halt and catch fire #cameron howe #joe macmillan #Donna Clark #Gordon Clark #is this a meta blog now??

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