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#I have had such an odd high school experience
lightning-system · 3 months
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As a medium/lower support needs autistic who works with young higher support needs autistic:
We all matter. We all have the same diagnosis. We all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
But we are not the same.
I can mask and might be seen as 'odd' or 'weird' in public. The students I work with are seen as 'dangerous' and 'practically little kids'.
I can go to university and work with accommodations. The students I work with likely will never live independently and a few might find jobs that support them but still pay them less than an abled worker.
I have full control of my finances. The students I work with aren't allowed to make independent financial decisions, even if capable.
If I say 'no,' I'm making a choice. The students I work with can't say 'no' without being labeled as defiant and difficult.
I can feed myself, bathe myself, and take care of myself with extreme challenges. The students I work with are unable to take care of themselves without high levels of support/one on one support.
I had an IEP in high school but was mainstreamed in classes. The students I work with take separate classes and some rarely get to interact with their abled peers.
Our experiences are fundamentally different. Higher support needs autistics will experience a specific type of ableism I never will, and can never fully understand.
Lower support needs autistics need to stop saying we understand what higher support needs autistics are going through and then present autism as only being disabling because of society/lack of acceptance because that is dangerous. We need to stop saying every autistic person is capable of everything if given the right support because that leaves out huge parts of our community who will never be able to do certain things, regardless of support.
We are worthy of existence regardless of our abilities.
Autism is a spectrum. It is not the same for every autistic person. Autism acceptance and advocacy has to come with accepting, acknowledging, and listening to our higher support needs peers.
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jaylver · 4 days
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WEBS OF HURT — S.JY
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synopsis: Falling for your best friend wasn't on your check list for high school. As if that wasn't enough to break your heart, his odd behaviour only added fuel to the fire along with a new crush of his. Who knew that odd behaviour would soon turn into a secret truth that you'd discover after his valiant effort of hiding.
pairings: spiderman!jake x afab!reader
genre: best friends to lovers, unrequited love, miscommunications, spiderman au, angst, romance, fluff
warning(s): profanities, mentions of alcohol, party, violence, injury
wc: 10k
a/n: tried something new! a little birthday gift from me <3 please leave a feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated! muah xx
masterlist | © jaylver all rights reserved.
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Falling in love with your guy best friend was probably the worst thing ever to experience when it came to girlhood.
High school should be fun, right? Being a teenager should be fun, right? Well, that wasn't exactly the case when you found yourself feeling more than just a mere liking towards Jake Sim, the guy best friend you mentioned and was entirely, love sickeningly, in love with. 
Jake Sim was the first guy you actually built a solid friendship with. It first started when he sat beside you in calculus, then you realised you had more classes with him and a friendship eventually developed when you started acknowledging each other. One class together soon turned into years spent with one another. You knew his family and he knew yours. Nothing could ever break the bond between you and him.
You just couldn't help but notice a slight change in him after the death of his uncle, Ben. At first, you figured it might've been grief, trying your best to offer your utmost support. But as months flew by, the oddness persisted. He would disappear in between classes, sometimes standing you up at places you were at together and returning a little scathed, making it up to you by promising for a redo hang out. All of that was weird. Let's not get started on the fact he caught your stuff falling way too many times, even when his head was faced away, his hand would reach out first. In his words, he called it his 'spidey sense', whatever that meant.
However, you never doubted him. He was still the best friend you had, even if he had some tweaks to him. You never once questioned him or brought up your suspicions, but this time, you couldn't help yourself from bombarding him with questions when he broke the news to you.
"I think I have a crush," Jake announced the moment he was in your presence, sounding a little out of breath considering he made a run to the cafeteria. The tray of food was untouched, quite unlike him since he always dug into his food first.
"You 'think'?" You hummed, ignoring the mixed feelings you had blaring loudly. 
"Okay, I know I have a crush," he has yet to start eating, just staring expectantly at you, eyebrows furrowed at the nonchalant and dismissiveness in your tone. 
"You're being for real?" You finally turned your head to meet his eyes, placing your fork down. 
"I am! I think it's kinda crazy," his eyes twinkled, something quite rare but only you knew, like a comet in the sky. 
"Who is it?"
"Gwen,"
"Gwen? Gwen Stacy?" You swallowed back a frown that was itching to make its way to your lips, masking it with your best shot of shock instead of disappointment. Of course it was the golden girl, what a cliche plot.
He nodded, a small smile rested on his face as he started digging into his food. "We … talked? Talked about some science things, about Oscorp, about the things she's working on. Oh yeah, she said there's this party on Saturday and wondered if I wanted to go, I said I wanted to bring a friend and she's cool with it,"
"I assume I'm that friend, then?" You poked at your food, suddenly losing your appetite as the conversation progressed.
"No, it's Carlos—of course it's you, dumbass," he flicked at your forehead, earning a firm scowl from you. "You're my best friend, my only ever, I'd be insane to think otherwise,"
You chewed at your lips, not because you were contemplating whether you should or shouldn't go, but it was mainly due to the word 'best friend' that got your attention. There goes your hope down the drain. First, being told your best friend who you have a crush on already has his eyes on someone else, then, getting friendzoned by that same exact guy, all in one shot. It's brutal out here.
"So what do you say?" Jake's voice broke the momentary silence, noticing your dazed expression. You snapped out of it almost immediately.
"I'll go,"
"Really?"
"Do you want me to say no instead …?" You raised an eyebrow, watching him scrambling at your words.
"N–no! I'm just shocked and very glad you agreed to come," he managed a laugh, which turned into a smile. 
"Am I going to get ditched that night because you want to get your dick wet?"
Jake scrunched his face up in a look of disgust. "Can you not? I don't need you to say that. And no, I'm not going to ditch you,"
"I'm holding you to it."
Jake shot you a wink, earning a figuratively loud eye roll from you. His laughter filled your ears, and though you managed a smile, you found yourself feeling the opposite internally. You knew you shouldn't feel this way, it's not like you were even in a relationship with him in the first place. But God, why did it hurt so bad?
Who told you friends to lovers was cool when it was unrequited and one sided all along.
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"You know, you look good either way,"
Jake Sim was sitting on the edge of your bed watching you put on makeup and getting ready. It was a few hours before the party and Jake had turned up looking nervous, wearing that lucky graphic tee of his that you recognised quickly. Your teasing definitely didn't make him smile, and you soon realised that the crush he had was actually serious.
You glanced at him, raising an eyebrow despite feeling the giddiness from the effects of his nonchalant words. He has to stop that. "Are you trying to butter me up to get me to move quicker?"
"Whaaat? No way. You genuinely look good whether or not you have makeup on, seriously," he was genuine, you could tell, but you knew him better than anything. It was quite a fatal flaw.
"Give me ten minutes to finish the other eye then we can leave."
At that, Jake sighed in relief and fell back onto your bed, kicking his legs patiently. He couldn't stop talking about the party and the people who'd be there, but honestly, you could tell he was just trying to not bring up Gwen at any given moment. Knowing that, you wished the mascara wand would just poke into your eye, maybe it'd hurt less compared to how your heart felt.
"Does my shirt look lame—"
"Dude, shut up," just before you and Jake entered the house, he was asking for another reassurance. First, it was his hair, then his shoes, and every other piece of clothing, leaving his shirt for last. It took everything in you to not punch him along the way there. "I swear, no one will care. If anything, isn't that your lucky shirt?"
"It is my lucky shirt. But whether or not that lucky shirt looks good, that's the case," he glanced down at his graphic shirt, a picture of a rock band from the 2000s staring back at him.
"Trust me, if it's ugly, I would've asked you to change, now shut up and get your ass in there before I leave you here," you huffed and continued walking, hearing him mutter something before catching up with you. 
Upon entering the house, you figured it was as underwhelming as you expected. The smell of sweat and flavoured smoke filled the air, high school students lingered around as the music blasted. You should've probably stayed home.
"So, you got your pick up lines ready?" You thrusted a cup of fruit punch into his hands, tilting your head in question. 
Jake rolled his eyes. "I'm afraid Google has failed me on that one," he looked around the room, shoulders tense.
"Calm down, big guy. You're acting like you're being hunted down. She's not that scary," you patted his shoulders as he took a swig out of his cup.
"Not scary? Says the one without a crush,"
How ironic.
You brushed it off, finding yourself taking a big gulp as well. He was oblivious and you were just stupid. Stupidly in love with your best friend who has his eyes set on another girl. Perfect.
"I think I see her," you followed his line of sight, spotting a blonde in the midst of the crowd almost immediately. She made her way through, parting the mass with a certain grace to her aura. 
Jake looked back at you, a mix of conflict written in his features. You read him well, too well. You offered a smile. "Go, go talk to her. Just text me when you're leaving, okay? You said you're not going to ditch me,"
"I won't," he laughed, but there was a certainty in his tone. 
"Then go, what are you waiting for? I'm expecting a whole loads of information by the end of the night," you gave him a slight push, but you could see the small reluctance he had. "Go!" Off he went into the crowds and gravitated towards her. 
You couldn't bear to witness it all, watching him leaning down as she laughed into his ear. The feeling of bitter jealously coursed through your veins, it was evil, so evil, but you couldn't help it. At the end, you had to remind yourself, he wasn't yours in the first place. He wasn't yours to lose.
Turning your back to them, you sat alone in a stranger's kitchen and fought off the temptation of getting drunk. Instead, you indulged in the leftover pizzas left on the counter, letting a random girl join you and overshare secrets. Wallowing in self pity was probably not what you had in store for the night.
Almost as fast as you had arrived, it was already past midnight in a blink of an eye. You realised your curfew was around the corner and it was time to signal Jake to leave too. Glancing at your phone, you were surprised to see zero messages from your best friend. Weird.
You stepped out of the kitchen and into the living room, seeing a bunch of people passed out at the oddest spots, only a few still awake. One of them was surprisingly Gwen, the goody two shoes you had in mind was actually staying up past your curfew. You heaved a distressed yet exasperated sigh, walking towards her. 
"Hey, Gwen," you hoped she remembered you, considering you were in the same Chemistry class as her.
"Oh, hey. Y/N, right?" She flashed you a sweet smile, and it was painful to know how likeable and nice she was. You couldn't even bring yourself to hate her. 
"Right. Sorry for interrupting, but have you seen Jake around? The last time I saw him was with you," you unknowingly chewed on your bottom lip anxiously, taking the frown on her lips as a bad sign.
"He left," that was the least expected thing you anticipated as a response.
"He … left?" You repeated incredulously, almost as if she hadn't made it clear enough for you.
"Yeah, he suddenly said he needed to leave … in the middle of our conversation. An emergency or something. Kinda weird but kinda cute," she laughed, but you were holding back a disdainful scowl, reserved for both Jake and her, but most specifically Jake Sim. "Why? Were you with him?"
You bit back an immediate reply. As much as you wanted to say 'yes', you didn't want to blow off his chance either. "No, just … checking. He said he was coming tonight,"
"Oh, I see," 
"Yeah," you nodded rather stiffly and awkwardly. "I'll get going now, thanks,"
"See ya, Y/N. Until our next class," she gave you a salute, a melodious laugh escaping her lips.
You couldn't resist a smile either, saluting her back. There was a charm to her that affected people, it was understandable that Jake was charmed, but you hated to know that, and you did not want to understand it. For now, he was dead to you, just like how he has left you to yourself in the middle of a party at midnight. Was he Cinderella? Glad to know you weren't the only one who he pulled the disappearing act on. 
Clutching onto your jacket tight, you cursed every cuss words there were under your breath, all of which were dedicated to Jake. He had the audacity to leave without even leaving you a text, and that got you walking home in the dangerous night of New York City. Thanks a fucking lot. To say you were seething was an understatement.
You hated the streets of New York especially at night. To prove your hatred further, you just had to be at threat of an armed robbery there and then. 
"Hey! You there!" A dark figure approached from a distance, pointing at you. Oh God. "Got some money on you?" This couldn't be happening. 
"N–no," you said quietly, backing up quickly. His footsteps thundered loudly against the pavement, seemingly getting closer. 
"Don't lie, I see that purse on you,"
"I'm a broke high school student, leave me alone!" Was it sad to say that you were yelling the brutal truth to him?
"I don't care. Give me your purse—" his threat almost had you running in the opposite direction, but his sentence was never finished. Instead, a sharp unfamiliar noise shot through the silence, and a second figure in the distance appeared. That wasn't his partner, right?
Panic coursed through you, and yelling out was most likely the worst idea you had in ages. "Hello?" 
Silence. 
"Hello? Can I leave now?" 
"Yeah, you can," the figure walked under the lamp post, revealing himself. 
Spiderman? 
Clad in red and a mask over his head, he stepped towards you ever so casually, whereas you stood there absolutely stunned to even move. It wasn't an everyday occurance where you could personally meet the hero in flesh. The media might've painted him as some criminal, but to you and many other citizens, you knew that wasn't the truth.
"Spiderman," you greeted, anxiety lowered knowing you weren't getting robbed now. "Thanks for—that," you waved in the direction of where the man originally was.
"No worries," you noticed his voice seemed familiar, but before you could think more about it, he spoke with a sudden deeper octave. "It's—uh—not safe out here. What are you doing here anyway?"
"Well, for starters, my friend left me at a party that we were supposed to leave together without telling me, and now I'm walking home alone, until I almost got robbed," it was clear that anger and bitterness laced your voice, a deep frown etched on your face as you told Spiderman your concerns.
"Sorry," his voice became lighter, somehow sincere, which made you tilt your head in question. "I–I mean, sorry that he did that to you," he cleared his throat, straightening his spine and returning back to that deep voice. 
"I don't know what's up with him. He could've left me a text," 
He muttered something inaudible under his breath, then turned his focus back on you. "I'm sure he's very sorry, and maybe he's got a reason too. Try hearing him out,"
"I will. I always do. I'm just hurt, it's complicated," 
"What? What do you mean complicated?"
You shrugged, hugging your purse close to your chest. "It's nothing. I don't think Spiderman will be interested in my matters with my best friend. I'll leave you to your hero stuff and head home now. Thanks for saving me and the 20 dollars in my wallet,"
"Well—I—wait," before you could fully turn around and leave, his hand landed on your shoulder, stopping you in your tracks. "Let me walk you home. It's not safe,"
"Wouldn't it be weird if I turned up at my apartment lobby with Spiderman?" You crossed your arm, making quite a fair point. 
"You're right. What about I give you a swing?"
"What?"
Swinging around New York City was definitely an unforgettable but scary experience. You clung onto Spiderman, screaming like a madwoman as he had his arm wrapped around your waist. The touch was as familiar as his voice, hard to put a finger on but almost feeling like you've known him for years. 
You were about to point out your apartment but he had already beat you to it, not even needing you to tell you which floor or window it was, landing on the fire escape right in front of your bedroom window. That just further proved your familiarity towards him. 
He pulled your window open, signalling you to head in, but you were stuck staring at him, both in shock from the swing and the way he knew your place. 
"How did you—"
"Bye! Goodnight!"
You watched as he avoided your question and shot a web out to swing to some other building, leaving you stunned. How were you going to recover from this?
10/10 experience. Spiderman might just be your casual crush to get away from the thoughts of Jake. 
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'BREAKING NEWS: bank robbery in downtown last night caused a chaotic and frantic disturbance, luckily, Spiderman was there to save the day and catch the robbers before anything major happened. Is he really as bad as they make him to be?'
The news of Spiderman saving a bank from a robbery right before your personal near robbery experience had you amused. The videos of him beating up the robbers and using his webs to tie them up were going viral all over the internet, even people in school were talking about it.
You were standing at your locker, digging for some textbooks before class started when Jake Sim himself appeared beside you. His presence was announced before he even spoke, but you didn't bother to spare him a glance.
"Y/N, I'm so so sorry about last night," he was heaving in breaths, as if he had ran across the school to find you, maybe he did.
"Oh, were you?" You clicked your tongue, suddenly finding the random piece of paper in your locker fascinating. 
"I am. Seriously, Y/N. I know I'm an asshole for that, I'm sorry for not texting you earlier and letting you know—"
"Jake, this isn't the first time you bailed on me," you cut him off, slamming your locker door close and turning to face him. The bruise beside his right eye caught your attention, and suddenly, your anger seemed to have sizzled away. "What the hell happened to your eye?"
It has become a common practice by now apparently. Jake disappearing and turning up with some kind of injury. Like always, he just brushed you off. "It's nothing, don't worry. It's not about me, it's about you. I fucked up this time and I know it, I'm sorry. An emergency with Aunt May came up a–and I had to go home early, I was too caught up in the moment to let you know. I'm sorry, really,"
You considered his apology for a moment. He was sincere, you knew that, but there was a certain dishonesty to his explanation. However, you didn't want to press on further either. "I understand. You probably always have a reason, it's just that I hate it when you disappear on me without telling me. I almost got robbed last night!"
It took him almost a few seconds to register, then another few more to compute a reaction. "What? Are you okay?"
"I'm standing here, aren't I? Spiderman saved my ass," 
"Spiderman?"
"Yeah, Spiderman. That guy who swings around New York. He saved me from some guy that was about rob me, because someone over here decided to leave early,"
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm just glad you're alright," 
"Well, thank fuck I am," you crossed your arms, staring pointedly at Jake. 
He dug something out of his backpack, a paper bag of some sort materialized in his hand. "I got you some of your favourite cookies and donuts. As a form of apology,"
You took the bag from him, glancing between him and it. "You can't just buy your way into an apology,"
"You accepted it, you took the bag," 
You rolled your eyes, unable to bite back. "Whatever," you reached in for a cookie and started walking away from your locker, hearing Jake scurrying to join your side.
"So, we're cool?"
You took a brief glance at him, taking a bite out of your cookie. "We are,"
Jake wasn't fully convinced, however. He knew you and your patterns, and he definitely knew which tricks to pull to make it better. "How about I treat you to some Chinese food tonight?"
That piqued your interest, an eyebrow raised at his question. "The one downtown?"
"That one,"
"You sure know how to get on my good side, Sim," you nudged his side, falling into one of his tricks once again. "Too well,"
"I know my ways to get to your heart, don't underestimate me," he said in a lighthearted tone, but God, you wished he would actually find his way into your heart. "Anyway, how was—uh—Spiderman, last night? Excusing your near robbery experience," he winced at the last part, though in reality, the accident hadn't shaken you as much as he had thought.
"He was nice! A little awkward but I kinda get it. He swung me back to my place, which was weird because he knew which window and level it was," you pursed your lips in deep thought, failed to realise the widened eyes from Jake and the panic that filled them.
"M–maybe, it was a wild guess," he said shakily.
"Wild guess? Don't bullshit me, Sim. A smart guy like you would know it's hard to do so," you waved him off, continuing to venture into your theories.
"Maybe he has some kind of sixth sense," he laughed rather stiffly, earning a suspicious narrowed stare from you. 
"Okay, big head, quit acting so weird. Let's just get calculus over with and then stop by that ice cream place after school, what do you say?" 
Jake's shoulders visibly relaxed, a sense of relief overtook his features. What was that about? "Sure. My treat,"
"God, Sim, you have to stop treating me or else I'll fall in love with you," you joked, even as it came out lighthearted, it was filled with a painful truth that you kept as a secret.
"Then fall in love with me."
You froze, almost unblinking. Something so intimate yet controversial had left his lips like it was nothing. It was probably nothing to him, maybe a mere joke even, considering how he let out a small laugh and smiled at your reaction. You tried to pretend it was nothing, but it wasn't nothing, not to you. 
For a second, you wished you weren't already in love with Jake.
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Trying to be happy for your best friend shouldn't be hard, but why were you struggling with it so much?
First, you were literally in love with him. Yes, you've come to the conclusion that you 'L' word him, the big 'L'. Seeing him list out the things Gwen likes and hates reminded you of yourself knowing him equally that much too, which only pained you more than it reassured you. Second, he has been hanging out with her more. Not that you were completely friendless and have no one to hang with, but Jake was Jake, he was your best friend, and losing your best friend was the worst thing to happen. 
You didn't lose him, no, but it felt like you had. He barely made time for you, being caught up with Gwen, dates and school work, how could he not manage to squeeze you in there? You've always made time for him no matter what the occasion was, so knowing he didn't do the same for you just had you dying internally. 
It was a quiet evening in New York. The sun had just set and you were walking home from grabbing an early dinner alone. This time around, you were smarter than the previous round. Armed with pepper spray and a pocket knife, you prayed on a shooting star that an unfortunate incident would never ever happen once more. 
You were practically in your own world to even realise or hear footsteps approaching you from behind. By the time you did, your fight or flight mode was activated, almost throwing out a punch, just to freeze upon figuring out who it actually was. Spiderman.
"Walking home alone?" He kept up with your pace as you recovered from a momentary fright.
"Stalking me?" You wondered how he even spotted you in the first place. In the big city of New York, he's coincidentally strolling down the same street as you? As if. "Scared me, you know? Thought it was another round of getting robbed,"
"I'd be there to fight them off if that happens," he said with utmost confidence that it had you laughing a little, shaking your head in disbelief. Why did he remind you of Jake? It's a sign you should stop thinking so much about him.
"Really? I kinda doubt it. Unless you're keeping an eye on me or something, stalker," you teased him, egging him on further. 
"I'm not stalking you," his tone gave away the withering confidence of his. You smiled, feeling his lingering gaze on your face. Maybe it was just your mind that's overthinking, but his mannerisms reminded you too much of your best friend. It was in the way he walked, talked and how he normally did this thing where he walked with you and cast glances at you from time to time. Every little detail that you wished you couldn't list out was a part of the city's hero. 
He cleared his throat, straightening his back, trying to rebuild that confidence he originally carried. "So … how are things between you and your friend?"
"The one that stood me up at the party?"
He choked a little, but regardless, he nodded his head. "Y–yeah,"
You couldn't hold in a sigh from escaping your lips. Just thinking about Jake had you huffing in frustration. Spiderman picked up on it, shifting slightly beside you. "I guess not … good? Haven't seen him much and he hasn't been bothering to hang out with me anymore. I mean, I get he's making moves but why can't he just manage a little time for me? Maybe I'm too selfish but—" he's not mine anyway. You bite your tongue, holding back what you really wanted to say. 
The hero beside you was silent for a bit, as if walking on eggshells and picking the best words to say. "I think he'd come around," he said slowly, "he'd say a couple of sorrys, and you should tell him what's on your mind. Let him know. He'll understand," 
You chewed on your bottom lips, considering the possibilities, but totally also not expecting to get advice from the Spiderman like it was some counselling session. "I know he'll listen. He always does. But I don't want anything to change between us,"
"Nothing will change," he said with a kind of certainty that even you didn't doubt. How did he know? Who was he to judge? You didn't say anything, but just nodded. You knew Jake wasn't the type to argue nor take your words lightly, but you shudder at the thought of a confrontation, not that it was your first with him, but it felt much more emotional this time.
"I hope so. I miss him—oh, my place is around the corner, I can manage myself," you stopped before a turn around the corner, Spiderman following suit. 
Standing before him only increased your curiosity about his identity. Who was he? He was hiding under a mask that shielded his face, but something about him seemed less foreign than expected. 
"O–oh, then I guess I should get away too. Swing around the city and see whose ass to beat," he laughed awkwardly, a hand automatically reaching for the back of his neck, just like something Jake would do too. You shook that thought away. "Goodnight … stranger,"
"It's Y/N," you didn't hesitate to tell him your name, he saved your life, a little information about yourself wouldn't hurt despite him being a total stranger still. "Goodnight, spider boy."
You turned around the corner, leaving the hero standing there, bewildered and helpless. It was hard to ignore the pit in your stomach that carved deeper and deeper. He reminded you too much of your best friend, and strangely, that was probably the reason why you felt gradually attached to him, a stranger that resembled the ghost of a guy you liked but couldn't have. 
The space of your apartment was dark and soulless once you stepped into it. Your parents worked late as always, meaning you were alone most of the time, and this was one of them. Maybe it was the atmosphere and the countless wishful thinking, but a sense of despair knocked on the door of your heart. 
By the end of the night, you laid awake in bed thinking about what Spiderman had said. Nothing will change. That was exactly what you wished for too, that your dynamic with Jake was never to change, but how was that to happen when he's got a girl around? Eventually, you're not just going to lose the guy you loved, but your best friend as a whole.
Your train wreck of thoughts were interrupted the moment you heard a knock on your window. That knock turned into a tune that you knew too well. Sitting up straight in bed, you spotted the figure standing by your window out on the fire escape. Jake. 
At this point, you weren't even going to figure out how he got up this high on the fire escape. It was one too many times of him avoiding your question and you ended up dropping the matter too. Yet, curiosity itched your mind. 
Unamused at the fact that he turned up at possibly the wrong timing, you dragged your legs over to the window, meeting his bashful gaze. He offered a crooked grin, but your narrowed eyes only shot it back into a frown.
"Explain to me why you're here? It's midnight, Aunt May would be worried about you," your window was opened now, but you stood in the way before he could climb through, an interrogative look of yours stared at him accusingly.
"I told her I'd be over at yours," he answered cheekily. "Just like the old times, eh?"
Judging from your unbudging stance and eyes practically shooting lazers, Jake knew he had struck a nerve that have been left untreated for far too long. He sighed a defeated breath, squeezing through forcefully and dropping his backpack onto the ground. 
"I know," he didn't need to say much, yet he conveyed more than needed. "I've been a shitty best friend,"
It was your turn to sigh. You shook your head, averted your gaze to the ground and stepped aside, giving him more space. "You know a 'sorry' alone won't cut it this time,"
He followed your every movement, joining you to sit on the edge of your bed, a small space in between separated you and him. "I know. But I really am sorry, Y/N. I mean it,"
"I just want you to be honest with me, Jake. I know you're busy, I know you're trying to get the girl of your dreams or whatever, good for you, but it feels like you've forgotten about me or something,"
"I didn't forget about you. How could I ever?"
"Well, then stop acting like it! A text would suffice," you stood up, back facing him just so you could hide your face from him and the tears welling up in your eyes. 
"Y/N," he grabbed a hold of your wrist, cold fingers wrapped around your skin, his touch ever so gentle. "I'm sorry. I know I fucked up … many times, and a single 'sorry' wouldn't make up all the hurt I caused you, b–but there's a reason why,"
"What is it then?" You whirled around to face him, the dark of the room casted a shadow over his face, bringing out the fatigue and injury on his delicate features. "What the fuck, Jake? Are you hurt again?"
"It's nothing,"
"You said it's nothing every time you turned up hurt, and I never ask many questions, but Jake, it feels like you're hiding something from me," your hand reached up for his face, hovering over the bruises and mild cuts on his lips and skin. "I don't know you anymore,"
Jake moved his face away a little, grabbing that hand of yours which hovered over his face, lacing his fingers into yours, the rough surface of skin contrasting your soft touch. "I–I wish I could tell you what it is right now, Y/N, I really do, but it's not the right time. I need you to trust me, I need you to believe me, I don't want to hurt you,"
There was a moment of silence where you stood before him, hands intertwined with his, your hurtful gaze scanning his every feature that you knew too well. Jake never lied to you, you knew that, but why couldn't you fully trust him this time? There was a sense of truth and lie hidden behind his words, but you knew one thing, he was genuine. Yet, it wasn't enough. 
"Let me make it up to you. There's this carnival in the city tomorrow night, you and I, hang out, what do you say?" He tried offering a smile, which eventually turned uncertain. "We can spend the entire day together. Just you and me,"
"No bailing on me this time?"
"Promise,"
"You do?"
He held up your interlocked hands, then intertwined your's and his pinky fingers together, something you and him always did when it came to serious promises despite the childishness to the whole pinky promises thing. "Promise," he repeated. 
"I believe you, Jake. I always do, and I just don't want you to get yourself in danger, whatever it is that you're doing. Whenever you turn up bruised and beaten, I–I just feel helpless, and you push me away every time,"
"I'm sorry," he whispered, taking your interlocked hands and placing them on his chest, near to where his heart resided. "I promise to tell you the truth soon. I just need to be ready,"
"When you're ready," you gave his hand an affirming squeeze, a reassuring smile creeping up onto your lips. "Do you want to stay over?"
"I didn't turn up with a packed bag for nothing," he laughed, the air lightening up much more compared to earlier. "I'll sleep on the ground like always,"
Once you were done manoeuvring and setting up the sleeping bag for Jake, you were finally in bed for the second time that night, except now, you had Jake sleeping on the ground beside your bed. It wasn't a rare occasion having him sleep over, just maybe this time it was a tad bit more awkward given the situation you had earlier. 
"Jake," you spoke into the darkness, your eyes trained on that one spot on your ceiling. 
He hummed back in response. 
"Nothing has changed between us, right?"
A beat of silence, the whirring of your A/C was what remained. Then, he spoke. "No. Nothing's ever going to change. Nothing will change," 
It sounded familiar, the way he said it and the enunciation he had in every word. You shook it off, given the late night and a mushy brain, you didn't give it a second thought. 
"I'm glad. Goodnight, Jake."
"Goodnight."
Despite the reassurance from Jake, you descended into sleep with a pit in your gut. You could barely sleep with him next to you, thinking you could find a cure to every trouble that existed between you and him to fix it all. How could he say there'd be no changes when there's a bigger crack forming on your heart?
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The next morning was like any other whenever Jake stayed over. An empty kitchen that allowed you to make some simple breakfast and after, you bid Jake goodbye for the moment before meeting him later on that day. 
Upon stepping into your room, you spotted a black lump sitting under the window. It was Jake's backpack. He was already long gone from your apartment by then. 
You advanced towards his backpack, held it up to move it somewhere else, but it only caused the contents inside to spill out. Knowing how clumsy Jake always was, you figured his backpack had been unzipped the entire time.
You glanced at the pile of mess littered on your floor, a clump of red catching your eyes amongst the rest. Curiosity got the best of you despite knowing you shouldn't pry, but the moment your fingers made contact with it, the question marks in your head increased by tenfold.
Spandex material. You pinched it at first, feeling the material against your skin, then you finally got the guts to hold it up entirely, revealing something far beyond expectations. 
Spiderman suit?
Was it a fake one? Jake could've always bought it from Amazon. You held it closer for inspection, noticing how it was worn out, slight tears on the bottoms. It couldn't be a fake, something in you knew. The dried blood stains on some spots gave it away. 
Everything made sense to you now. Jake being secretive, hiding the truth from you every time you asked, turning up hurt and disappearing at random times just for the news to report Spiderman's appearance after. All of them were finally connected in your head, and revelations about his suspiciousness were known by you.
It hit you. Jake was spiderman. Your best friend was that vigilante swinging around the city saving people and fighting crimes. He was the one who walked and swung you home. He always knew.
You let out a breath of disbelief, knees feeling weak and head spinning. How were you to shoulder the truth after this? Pretend like nothing's wrong when everything is wrong and weird. It was practically impossible to patch up the existing crack that continued to worsen. 
Shoving Jake's belongings back into the bag, you shouldered it and made your way to his place. Your mind was in a haze, the thought of him being Spiderman was hard to wrap around. Sometimes ignorance was genuinely bliss, you wished this was one of those times. 
You didn't know if it was a good or bad thing that Jake wasn't home when you turned up at his door, meeting a confused looking Aunt May instead. Apparently, Jake went out in search of his backpack that was currently in your hands, so you had no choice but to call him and wait for him to be back. 
How could you not have spotted it sooner? Now that you're in his bedroom for possibly the millionth time, everything seems clearer. The map of the city stuck on his wall which had random scribbles and locations circled in red marker ink stood out to you, the box of medicine and ointments sat on his bedside table that you frequently ignored. All the signs were presented before your eyes without your knowledge.
"Hey, sorry for keeping you waiting," Jake closed his bedroom door after almost half an hour of waiting for his appearance. His hair was dishevelled, clearly panicked and alarmed. 
"No, it's okay, we're supposed to meet up anyway," you sat up from lying on his bed, nodding at the backpack sitting on his desk. "Got your baby back,"
"Oh my God," he crossed the room with big steps and had zero hesitation when it came to unzipping it to check his belongings. "Did I leave it at your place?"
"You did," 
"Thought I left it out there somewhere," he murmured under his breath, then zipped the bag up. You knew why he was so secretive, and it made even more sense why he always brought it around. 
Jake most likely felt your wandering eyes on him judging from the way he spun around and shielded his bag from view, trying to divert your attention away. "Want to watch a movie?"
How could you possibly say no? That sly prick.
You didn't indulge in his suspicious behaviour further now that you were aware of his secret, though you pretended not to. He did say he would reveal it to you soon, but that 'soon' was quite unknown. At this point, you didn't know who was going to be the first one to reveal it. Either you or him.
You spent half of the day binging on movies, ate an early dinner and then walked to the carnival together. Along the way there, you couldn't stop yourself from taking quick glances at Jake. The street lights illuminated his features under the darkening sky, the loud chatter of the crowd drowned out and it was only him in your world. Even as he asked you questions, you blindly nodded to most of them. 
How could you not fall for him? He bought you drinks without question, won you prizes at those booths, held your hand as you walked through the crowds. It was as if Jake Sim himself was blind enough to not know what he was doing to you. 
"Enjoying the night?" Jake threw his arm around your shoulder ever so casually that it had you holding your breath for a minute.
"You won me a big bear, of course I am," you held onto the stuffed toy tightly, grinning at the memory of Jake winning during his first try. 
"What's next? Wanna stop by that art and craft booth then we go on the ferris wheel?" Jake definitely did know his way into your heart.
"Sounds good," 
You thought the night would eventually end with peace and quiet, but before it could even end, it had been ruined beyond belief. 
The big screen suddenly flashed to a news reporter, the background looking chaotic and people were fleeing. It was live news, the whole thing was happening as you breathed. You and Jake stood rooted, staring at the big screen just like many others did, listening in on the broadcast.
'Just in, a monstrous creature was seen terrorizing and climbing along the Oscorp building. It was spotted not long ago, but now it has disappeared into the building, its whereabouts unknown. Workers of Oscorp have fled the building, but not all of them, some were said to be present in the building until now.'
You glanced at Jake, a sinking feeling in your gut. It was a sour thought knowing he's about to get himself in danger yet again, but having him bailing once more cut deeper than a falling knife. As a human, you wanted him to save lives and the city. However, you were also his best friend, and you hated to be selfish, but you just wanted him to be there without having to leave every single moment.
The conflict in your eyes matched Jake's, who was evidently struggling with himself. You tried to mask it, yet hurt and sadness was hard to ignore or hide. 
"Oscorp … Gwen," the faint hush of a murmur was audible under his breath, causing you to cock your head at him.
"What?" 
"I–I, Y/N, I have an emergency," he removed his arm around you, the hold on his backpack strap tightened. 
"Jake," to scream at him? Let him leave? All of the above? You struggled with your emotions as you tried to understand and empathise, you always did, but couldn't you just have him this one time?
"I'm sorry …" his voice was weak, he knew how much pain and hurt he caused you, and retreating away from your disappointed face wasn't going to solve anything, just the problem downtown, but not the cracks that were forming right now.
"I know, Jake," you shouted when he was a distance away from you. He turned around, eyes widened and pupils blown, a mix of confusion and surprise painted his features. "I know about you,"
He was breathless, he didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. He left without a trace, and once again, you were left alone to fend for yourself. You wanted to understand, you do, but it was hard. 
You glanced at the big screen for one last time, uttering a silent curse under your breath, and decided to head to where the scene was. Crazy? Stupid? You were everything described. That was probably why you and Jake were best friends. 
Taking the cab was one of the stupidest decisions you made, and that excluded the part where you're literally bringing yourself to danger. Thanks to whatever that was terrorising the Oscorp building, the traffic was heavier than usual, so you had no choice but to run on foot. It was the most running you ever did all year.
You wondered if it was a good idea to even be there. Answer: no. The police cars were everywhere, all of which were stationed with police that were armed with rifles. A helicopter circled the building, several broadcasting stations and their reporters were present too. It was a mess. 
"What's happening here?" You were practically out of breath, panting, as you asked a random bystander there. 
"Some freakish lizard creature. I think Spiderman swung into the building to save the remaining victims. They were all rescued but Spiderman's still fighting in there,"
"You saw him? Spiderman?"
"I did! Red suit, white webs, he was so heroic when he crashed through the glass panels," 
"That's the one," you said unnervingly, disliking the uncertainty of it all. Jake was putting himself in danger and you could do nothing about it. How long did this go on for? You were left in the dark for far too long.
Soon, which almost felt like forever, you saw a speck of red escaping from the gap in the building with somebody in hand. You held your breath out of anxiety, heart thumping, listening in on all the noises and reports coming from everywhere around you.
"There he is! Spiderman!" A reporter appeared next to you, absolutely transfixed with the superhero slinging through the dark sky and eventually landing in the distance. "He has the last hostage in hand! A girl!" 
A girl?
You pushed past the crowd, trying to get a closer look at Spiderman and the entire scene before you. There he was, speaking to the police, but there was somebody else too. Gwen Stacy. 
An overwhelming feeling crashed down on you like a heavy weight of boulders falling from the sky. Confusion, hurt, heartbreak, altogether they penetrated you harder than you could manage to breathe. One step, two step, you took many steps back before turning away and hailing for a cab home. 
He wasn't yours, and he wasn't yours to lose either.
Returning home to an empty apartment was nothing new, except it did hit differently this time. Your heart was empty, mind in a haze, it was as if your narrator had drawn swirls over your head. You wished things had turned out in another way. You and Jake, how you found out about his secret, him hiding his secret. If only all of them had another ending than what you had in the present.
You sat slumped over in bed, the desk lamp was the only thing that provided light for the darkness in your room. The shadow looming over your window went unnoticed by you. That was until a series of knocks sounded and you jumped out of bed in alert, finding it strange how there was nothing once your eyes trained on your window.
Well, there goes your future. 
You stepped a little closer. Just then, the window was jerked open by some unseen force, a red cladded face peeking his head into frame. Spiderman, or more accurately, Jake, was standing on your fire escape again. 
He dropped his backpack onto your bedroom floor, letting himself in wordlessly. You stared at him, not knowing whether to speak first or let him be the one to do it. After all, he had left you hanging, it's the least he could do.
Jake pulled off the mask from his head, revealing a rather beat up face and messy, dishevelled hair that was coated with sweat. "You knew?"
His voice was tired, but the confusion and hurt punctuated through his words. He inched close to you, but you took a step back, unable to meet his gaze.
"Well, it wasn't a long time," you muttered. "Just today, actually … coincidentally,"
"How?" 
"Your backpack. I swear I didn't look through it, it was unzipped and when I picked it up, everything spilled out. Your suit revealed it all," you chewed at your bottom lip, Jake's eyes boring into yours, the prickling feeling of anxiety crawled all over your skin. "I didn't want to find out this way either,"
"I'm sorry for not telling you earlier. I wanted to, trust me, you're one of the closest people I have in my life. But I just didn't know when or how to break it to you. I wanted to protect you, to keep you safe," he was equally guilty for hiding it for a long time, but you understood the reason behind it. Being a hero comes with a great responsibility, that was what movies taught you anyway. 
"Jake, I know, and it's okay, but I just wish to be selfish for a little. I want you to be here with me, to be there for me a–and be my best friend for a minute," you felt yourself losing the will to speak as seconds passed by. "I feel like I'm losing you,"
"You're not. I'm here," he pressed his palm against his heart, stepping closer until he was barely a few inches away. "Always,"
"I don't want to lose you, Jake," your voice wavered, a clear sheen of tears glazed your eyes. "I'm in love with you," your words came out in a whisper, a hushed confession that spilled with no warning, coming from the deepest, darkest pits of your heart. Even then, you couldn't believe you had actually said it, stilling in place and blinking in shock. 
Jake's breath hitched, his movements frozen. You wondered about the possible scenarios you were about to face, ones that you thought of whenever you had the urge to spill your love confession.  All of them certainly didn't prepare you for what was happening next.
"I'm sorry," shock turned into instant panic. Your hands shot out to create a small distance between you and him. "Ignore what I just said. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable—"
Jake didn't say much, and in a swift motion, he grabbed a hold of your hand, pulled you into him. One hand holding your wrist, the other cupping your face to tilt your head and his lips met yours.
You could barely register it. The weight of his mouth against yours created a mass of fireworks in both your head and stomach. The shock evaporated from your body and relief took its spot. You melted against his touch, leaning your body closer to his. 
Jake kissed you like no man could have ever done. He left a part of himself, imprinted his every unspoken word into a deep and passionate kiss. You wondered if this was what it felt like being loved by him.
Forever was what you wished for when it came to kissing him. Yet, it eventually came to an end just like every one of your favourite movies. This time, however, you weren't disappointed, you were glad. 
"Don't apologise. Y/N, I'm in love with you too," his hand on your cheek remained, the dim light managed to bring out the sparks in his pupils. It was your turn to be confused. Didn't he have a crush?  "I know what you're thinking. Gwen—" it's freaky how he always knew, "—I was kinda dumb, to be honest. I was always in love with you but it took me years and a girl to only realise that,
"She was nothing like you. The more I got to know her, the more I thought of you. I wasn't trying to like her, I was trying to find a piece of you in her. Being the coward that I am, I ran away from facing the thought of liking you, I didn't want to ruin our friendship. So, I kept on entertaining the thoughts of liking Gwen instead, but none of it was real. You're the one who's constantly taking up space in my mind, in my heart,"
The fireworks from earlier exploded ten folds in your mind. You couldn't believe you were experiencing every passing moment listening to Jake's confession. He felt the same way as you did for him. He has had the same pining for you like the same way you had for him. Years, years of unspoken romantic love for one another that both were too scared to touch upon. 
Jake took your shell shocked silence as an opportunity to continue on. "I'm sorry for standing you up all the time. I'm sorry for hiding the truth from you. I'm sorry for avoiding you. I'm sorry for not realising it sooner. But I love you, Y/N. You're my best friend, more than anything, you're the only person I want to have occupying my mind all the Goddamn time,"
"Jake," your hand travelled to place itself onto his which rested on your face. "I love you too," you laced your hand into his, the intimacy that would've been seen platonic days ago was now something more than that. You and him both felt the shift, it was apparent. 
"I don't care that you're Spiderman," you continued, not once breaking eye contact with him, letting him stare into yours as you did the same. "You're Jake to me, you forever will be, and that's all that matters,"
Jake's delicate features melted into a smile. His pretty smile that had you swooning was on display like a trophy, influencing you enough to crack a small grin too. He looped an arm around your waist, dipping you slightly and pressing a haste kiss on your lips, then your cheeks. 
"I guess I can now say I've swung into your heart," he teasingly sent a wink flying at you, to which you responded with an eye roll. Some things never changed, but his ego definitely was inflated now.
"Shut up before I kick you out," you threw a light punch at his shoulder, which he dodged almost unsuccessfully. "Come on, let's patch you up then we can go to bed," you patted his shoulder, walking towards your bathroom. 
"Demanding," he whistled under his breath, picking up his discarded mask from the floor. 
"Don't make me add a black eye to your face,"
"But you like my pretty face,"
"You want to test it out?"
"Okay, okay. I'm coming."
The night eventually ended with Jake being patched up and sleeping on your bed instead of his usual spot on the ground. These little changes was what you anticipated most, but other than that, it was safe to say nothing would be changing when it came to your and Jake's relationship. If anything, it was about to be stronger. 
So what if he was Spiderman? At least you knew Spiderman was yours, and he had indeed swung into your heart.
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Dating your best friend who had a secret identity was fun. 
You got to discuss maths in school and listen to his adventures after. Not to mention, he would swing you around New York City at times once the clock striked past midnight. No other girl was going to get a date like this. Ten out of ten, you may add. 
With the fun came the terror. You do fear for Jake's safety almost every time he's out, and it has become a routine to patch him up till the point where you had to restock your emergency kit. This time was like no other when Jake appeared through the window soundlessly in his Spiderman suit.
"Hey," he was breathless, tumbling over the window still. 
You jumped, not even realising his appearance. "What the hell? Jake? Oh my God," you got up right away to support his tired body, but he ended up sliding down onto the ground anyway.
"Are you injured anywhere? Bleeding?" You checked for his body, trying to spot any obvious cuts, making yourself comfortable in the space between his legs. 
"No," his hand reached for the end of his mask, pulling it up halfway only to reveal his lips. "Can I get a kiss?"
"Are you serious?"
"I am dead serious," 
You rolled your eyes, leaning down to press a kiss on his lips that eventually widened into a satisfied smile. You gently slapped his face, eliciting a sweet laugh from him and with a tug of his hand, he fully removed the mask from his head, revealing his pretty face that you missed.
"I got something for you," his hand reached out to brush your hair away from your face, his touch ever so gentle when it came to you. He dug something out of his bag, pulling out a fresh bouquet of flowers. "Ta-da," 
"Flowers?" You accepted the bouquet from him, noticing all of your favourite flowers in it. He remembered, even the littlest details about you, he remembered them all.
"I got them on the way here," you raised an eyebrow at him. He threw his hands up in defence. "Hey, I didn't steal them. I actually paid for them. They gave me a discount too because I was in my suit,"
You resisted a smile. "You're unbelievable,"
"Unbelievably cute? Romantic? Handsome?" He leaned in closer to you, noses close enough to brush against one another. 
"Go away," you squeezed his cheek, and he just let you do so without any fight. You threw your arms around his neck, hugging him briefly. "I like them,"
"What about me?"
"I like you too,"
 "But I like you more," 
You threw your head back laughing, a simple sound which was enough to have Jake's heart racing. "We're not making this into a competition, stupid. Now, go shower or else you're not sleeping on my bed,"
"But—"
"Nope. Shower or get exiled,"
"Fine," he dragged his body up sluggishly, looking almost like a puppy being forced to his dismay: the shower. "You're not joining me?"
"Don't make me chase you out." you threw a pillow at him that he skillfully dodged. Damn his spider senses. His laughter echoed around your bedroom until he disappeared into the bathroom, the sound of it gave comfort to you and your beating heart.
Things might've changed a little in different aspects, but you knew nothing could change you or Jake altogether. He was your best friend and lover no matter what he was. Spiderman or loverboy, he was everything to you. All you knew was that he was going to be by your side no matter what, protecting your heart alongside the city. 
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inkskinned · 3 months
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she's three years younger than i am, and i put on cascada as a throwback, cackling - before your time! i've been borrowing my brother's car, and it's older than dirt, so the trunk is like, maybe permanently locked. when the sun comes through the window to frame her cheekbones, i feel like i'm 16 again. i shake when i'm kissing her, worried i won't get it right.
in 2003, my state made gay marriage legal. where she grew up, it wasn't legal until 11 years later - 10 years ago. if legal protections for gay marriage were a person, that person would be entering 5th grade. online, a white gay man calls the fight for legal marriage boring, which isn't kind of him but it is a common enough opinion.
it has only been 9 years since gay marriage was nationally official. it is already boring to have gay people in your tv. it is already boring to mention being gay - "why make it your entire personality?" i know siblings that have a larger age gap than the amount of time it's been legally protected. i recently saw a grown man record himself crying about how evil gay people are. he was begging us, red in the face - just do better.
i am absolutely ruined any time my girlfriend talks about being 27 (i know!! a child!), but we actually attended undergrad at the same time since i had taken off time to work between high school and college. while walking through the city, we drop our hands, try not to look too often at each other. the other day i went to an open mic in a basement. the headlining comedian said being lesbian isn't interesting, but i am a lesbian, if you care. as a joke, she had any lesbian raise their hand if present. i raised mine, weirdly embarrassed at being the single hand in a sea of other faces. she had everyone give me a round of applause. i felt something between pride and also throwing up.
sometimes one thing is also another thing. i keep thinking about my uncle. he died in the hospital without his husband of 35 years - they were not legally wed, so his husband could not enter. this sounds like it should be from 1950. it happened in 2007. harassment and abuse and financial hardship still follow any person who is trying to get married while disabled. marriage equality isn't really equal yet.
and i don't know that i can ever put a name to what i'm experiencing. sometimes it just feels... so odd to watch the balance. people are fundamentally uninterested in your identity, but also - like, there's a whole fucking bastion of rabid men and women who want to kill you. your friends roll their eyes you're gay we get it and that is funny but like. when you asked your father do you still love me? he just said go to your room. you haven't told your grandmother. disney is on their 390th "first" gay representation, but also cancelled owl house and censored the fuck out of gravity falls. you actively got bullied for being gay, but your advisor told you to find a different gimmick for your college essay - everyone says they're gay these days.
once while you were having a hard day you cried about the fact that the reason our story is so fucking boring to so many people is that it is so similar. that it is rare for one of us to just, like, have a good experience across the board. that our stories often have very parallel bends - the dehumanization, the trauma, the trouble with trusting again. these become rote instead of disgusting. how bad could it be if it is happening to so many people?
i kiss my girlfriend when nobody is looking. i like her jawline and how her hands splay when she's making a joke. there is nothing new about this story, sappho. i love her like opening up the sun. like folding peace between the layers of my life, a buttercream of euphoria, freckles and laughter and wonder.
my dad knows about her. i've been out to him since i was 18 - roughly four years before the supreme court would protect us. the other day he flipped down the sun visor while driving me to the eye doctor. "you need to accept that your body was made for a husband. you want to be a mother because you were made for men, not women." he wants me to date my old high school boyfriend. i gagged about it, and he shook his head. he said - "don't be so dramatic. you can get used to anything."
the other day a straight friend of mine snorted down her nose about it, accidentally echoing him - she said there are bigger problems in this world than planning a wedding.
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wanderingandfound · 2 years
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Oh. Hello grief. Wasn't expecting to see you tonight. Can you go away and come back later?
#Kinda an odd experience to be in the bathroom getting ready for bed and to watch myself hold back sobs like I'm trying to swallow food I#don't like.#At my granny's house being struck for the second time that I don't have any good memories of my other grandparents. (The first time was at#their memorial when I wanted to say something but had nothing to say/no story to recount).#People talk about memory loss due to trauma but I've had no trauma like that.#People talk about sleep being vital for memories but I've had a bad memory for my own life as long as I can remember. No pun intended.#Like there was a time before I was perpetually sick. And for a while I was perpetually sick without being perpetually tired. And I had#pretty much no memory then too.#It's why I've always meant to keep a journal. And this blog has been my biggest success at journaling and yet....#I mostly just recount the bad inner monologue. So few posts are about What I Did Today (neutral to positive).#And what posts there are in the genre are years and years old.#My memory is like those old tiny-brained computers. My memories of people are usually just a fuzzy snapshot of the last time we were#together/on the phone. Everything prior gets overwritten.#Sometime in the past 8 years (since leaving high school) my granny got Old.#She's not doing well now (still more productive than me though) and like. I can't come up with an actual memory of Before.#I spent every single break with her this in excusable.#(Shit the tears came back.)#And like. As these thoughts always come back here: what do I and will I remember of my Mom?#(That she loves me. That's what I'll remember.)#personal
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smusherina · 16 days
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yard work - chapter 1 (regina george x reader)
fandom: Mean Girls (all media)
pairing: Regina George x OFC/Reader
summary: You'd been in the same class as Regina George since kindergarten. You'd lived on the same street even longer. Once upon a time, when life was sandbox disputes and who got the swing first arguments, you'd even been friends. Now, in junior year of high school, you doubted she even remembered you. The same couldn't be said about you. You definitely remembered her.
chapter 2
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Summers spent cleaning the Georges' pool, mowing their lawn, fixing up their garage door, and giving the odd oil change to one of their cars was the norm for you. Your father had made it big as a self-made entrepreneur, climbing the ladder rung by rung all the way up from rock bottom, but he had ensured your upbringing reflected his humble roots. That meant that while you never had to go hungry like he did, your allowance was minimal. Enough for school lunch and a few dollars to spare.
Doing odd jobs around the neighbourhood had been your primary means of making money for the last couple of years. The block was pretty fancy, so not everybody wanted to hire some twerp with no experience when a professional was easily available. Even so, rich folk were surprisingly stingy. You had your own equipment, didn't ask for much and had a familiar face. The Georges were your longest-standing clients. Mowing their lawn in summer and shovelling their driveway in winter had been your job since you were thirteen.
That was probably the reason why Regina kept her distance instead of ridiculing you like everybody else. You went to the same high school, Northshore, but that was pretty much it. You hung around your own (loser) ilk and she had her (cool) troupe. She had this odd little clique with Gretchen Wieners and Karen Smith. You didn't know much about the two girls and you couldn't really tell if Regina even liked them. They hung out so they had to have something in common, right? You were but an observer at the end of the day, no matter how your neighbourly vantage point gave you a glimpse into Regina's life.
You counted her ignoring you as a blessing. It would've cut deep to fall victim to her new ways. This persona wasn't that new, you had to admit, but when you'd known her since practically diapers, high school was a pretty new development. She'd never been what people would describe as sweet or nice, but this mean girl persona was on a whole other level.
To be fair, you could very well understand why Regina was the way she was. You knew Mr George. You'd sat at the same dinner table as him, had experienced first-hand how his presence weighed on his family. Especially on Regina. Your father was the same way, all sharp edges with no time for tenderness, not even- especially not for his daughter. That'd been the reason you'd gotten so close to Regina in the first place. Most of the time it was just Regina, her mom and you at their house. Mrs George left you two by yourselves a lot 'cause she had to take care of Kylie. You loved being at the Georges' house.
(Expect, of course, those select few times Mr George was also there. But that was rare. Regina didn't invite you over when he was home.)
And now it'd been reduced to this. You, fishing leaves from the pool. Regina, inside with her new friends. Mrs George, lounging on the patio with a virgin margarita, chatting with you when you rounded the pool closer to her. Kylie, probably in the sitting room dancing along to whatever they played on MTV.
You straightened from your slouched position and groaned at the ache in your back. You leaned back with your hands braced at your sides, trying to stretch out the crick.
"Mrs George?" You hollered and waved your arms in her direction.
"Yes, dear?" She brightened up, perching up in her sun bed.
"You mind if I put my headphones on while I mow the lawn?"
"Oh, sure, of course!" She waved a hand dismissively. "Remember the glasses! And once you're done why don't you have dinner with us?"
"I'll think about it, Mrs George." You smiled with thin lips, knowing you'd be turning the offer down. With that, you plugged your headphones into the Walkman at your hip and walked to the shed.
You wore the safety glasses obediently, knowing all it took to blind you was one unlucky pebble to the eye. Your dad had been sure to lecture you about workplace safety over the years, like every time you stepped foot in the shop, so at this point putting on embarrassing safety equipment was second nature.
The Georges had a big lawn. Stingy rich people, couldn't get one of those driveable mowers. You'd be pushing this cart around till nightfall, or something...
Usher's newest album blasting in your ears and the rumbling of the lawn mower muffling all background noise, you didn't notice her at first. By the time you caught sight of Regina standing on the patio stairs, looking your way, hands on her hips and a displeased frown on her lips, you feared you were too late.
You let the engine die and tugged your headphones away from your ears. "What?" You yelled across the pool.
She rolled her eyes before answering. "Mom wants you in for dinner."
"Oh," This had never happened before. Usually, Mrs George would come round to give you your payment, ask you to stay and you'd say no. She'd smile sadly and say "Maybe next time, sweetie".
"She made casserole," Regina said, inspecting her nails. What was for dinner was definitely not the reason for your hesitation.
"Uh, I don't wanna intrude-"
"You wouldn't have been invited if it was an intrusion, idiot." She cut in sharply. "Don't be rude." And so, she swept inside.
"Uh- I- I'll finish up as fast as I can!"
454 notes · View notes
cherienymphe · 2 months
Text
House of Balloons
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Topper Thornton x Reader
Summary: It was storming the night he told you that no man in Outer Banks will ever love you like he does
warnings: Dub-Con, stepcest, loss of virginity, jealousy, underage drinking, kook!reader, non canon ages
➥ banner by @vase-of-lilies | ➥ divider by @firefly-graphics
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You should’ve guessed that things weren’t right the night your brother punched your very first boyfriend in the face.
Your anger over his actions was only trumped by your embarrassment. The other unsuspecting teenager had been completely blindsided, falling out cold on the floor of the party while you had been temporarily frozen with shock. No matter what excuse Topper gave that night—words slurring and pupils blown—you hadn’t wanted to hear it. Your humiliation and confusion and irritation had made you shut him out completely, only made worse by your fears coming true when you were swiftly dumped two days later.
“He was too old for you, anyway,” was his only comment on the situation.
You’d been fourteen then, and your boyfriend was the same age as him.
Your dating life after that was sparse to say the least, hardly anyone wanting to go near the girl with the overprotective brother. Nonexistent wasn’t the right word to use. After all, you still took the odd brave guy or two up on their offers, skipping class and sneaking out of your room just to have something like the same experiences your friends were having. It worked for a time.
Until they decided they wanted something with less effort and trouble, and you supposed you couldn’t blame them.
“If you’d actually been honest with me, I could’ve long told you those guys were assholes and not to waste your time.”
That was what Topper told you the night you’d finally decided to confide in him, his expression lacking anger…but only holding disappointment. You didn’t know why that bothered you more than him being mad. Maybe it was because you looked up to Topper in ways that should’ve been reserved for your father. The day he married Topper’s mother, it was like you became less in his eyes, the older man finally gaining the son he always wanted.
Topper could be a suffocating dick sometimes, but the way he cared about you was comforting.
“What did you expect from me when you literally ran my first boyfriend off?” you wondered with a roll of your eyes, applying your blush. “Sue me for wanting to have the life you did.”
You could see the blond lounged along your bed in the reflection of your mirror, his blue gaze briefly lifting from the phone in his hand. He watched you sift through the myriad of lip glosses in your drawer before finally speaking.
“Yeah, I remember him. He was an asshole who with a preference for ‘fresh meat’, an asshole I explicitly told to stay away from you,” he told you.
You paused at that, catching his gaze in the mirror, and the corner of his lips twitched when you sighed.
“You could’ve told me that,” you mumbled. “You just kept saying that he was an asshole who didn’t deserve me. Surely, you knew that was like catnip to a high school freshman, right?”
You threw him a look.
“I blamed you for months when he broke up with me.”
Topper only shrugged.
“I knew you’d thank me one day,” he smugly replied, and you bit your tongue, refusing to give him the satisfaction even though the damage was done. “Besides, I did what any good brother should do—look out for you until you’re old enough to make your own choices.”
Done with your makeup, you merely pursed your lips, staring at him through the mirror as he scrolled on his phone. The longer the silence stretched, that was when Topper finally lifted his gaze again, and you scoffed the moment his eyes met yours.
“You’re trying to pretend like you’re still not a controlling asshole, and it’s actually upsetting,” you huffed, standing. “Like I didn’t see your eyebrow twitch the other night when I told your mother I had a date.”
Before you could grab the dress at the foot of your bed, Topper beat you to it. You watched him run a hand through his blond strands, making his way to your closet as your words hung in the air.
“That’s because you don’t have the best taste in guys,” you heard him throw over his shoulder.
He was in your closet, and the sound of shuffling fabric and moving hangers reached your ears. When he came back out, there was an entirely different dress hanging off of his hand, and you could only eye it as he neared you. He slowly held it out to you, blue gaze boring into your own.
“Your graduation dress looks better on you,” was his only comment.
You eyed it again, silently—and reluctantly—agreeing. You were slow to take it, met with the very smirk you didn’t want to see, and Topper’s voice carried into the bathroom as you shut the door behind you.
“Still, you’re eighteen, now, and I have to let you do what you want,” you rolled your eyes at his remark. “Even if what you want are lower-class Pogues who can’t even afford to take you on a proper date.”
Your dress wasn’t even zipped all the way when you swung the door open, face pinched as you glared at the other man. Topper was leaning against the wall next to the bathroom, and the lack of humor on his face told you that wasn’t a joke. You told yourself that this wasn’t surprising, very much aware of how classist your brother could be, but it didn’t do anything to lessen your anger.
“Could you be any more of a snob? His family doesn’t have a vacation house and a two-car garage, so now he’s low class?” you scoffed.
Topper tilted his head at you, an expression on his face that begged you to be serious.
“He’s not even picking you up. You’re meeting him at the beach. You call it romantic, I call it cheap and lazy,” he elaborated, straightening and invading your personal space.
You clenched your teeth when he reached out to gently touch your arms, forcing you to turn around without a word. One of his hands lightly touched your hip, holding the dress in place while his other pulled on the zipper. You could feel his cool breath against your neck, and you were unsurprised when another nagging comment met your ears.
“Maybe I wouldn’t have to be the asshole you think I am if you actually picked men worthy of your time,” he whispered.
When you looked at him over your shoulder, Topper merely shrugged, his expression telling you that he wasn’t happy about it, but he wasn’t going to stop you. Again, there was that disappointment flitting across his features, and it unfortunately had you second guessing things. Some part of you knew that Topper was right, but his quick dismissal of your potential boyfriend made your stubbornness rear its ugly head.
“Don’t wait up for me,” was all you told him as you grabbed your purse.
The only response you got was a slight snort, but Topper said nothing otherwise, both of you knowing that despite what you requested, he was absolutely going to.
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The night Topper kissed you, you were drunk out of your mind.
That potential boyfriend became an official boyfriend who turned out to be a piece of shit. Your breakup coincided with some silly party your parents were throwing, Topper being your only age mate on the whole property, so it was only natural that you found yourselves on the back deck that connected to his bedroom. It was dimly lit and hidden away from any curious gazes that might be in the yard below.
“Can you just…not say I told you so?” you mumbled, finger tapping against the glass in your hand. “It’s bad enough that I told the whole family to account for him being here tonight.”
When Topper reached over to steal your drink, fingers grazing yours as he did, you let him.
“You know that’s not my thing,” he said, voice low. “Besides, it’s not like it’d do any good.”
You couldn’t hold in your soft chuckle, louder laughs in the yard overpowering yours, but theirs lacked your bitterness.
You didn’t even know why this breakup bothered you so much. The whole relationship lasted a month, but that did nothing to soften the blow. You’d dived head first into the relationship—as you always did—and so those thirty days just felt like ninety in your mind. You’d been hopeful, excited, and you recalled something a friend said once…about so much of the relationship happening in your head.
You were reluctant to admit that she’d been right.
Not unlike before, you’d made up so much of his personality. You’d given him attributes and an entire personality that didn’t align with reality, and that was why you felt blindsided. Looking back, there was nothing about him that told you he was a patient and loving and understanding guy, so was it really a shock when broke up with you? It’d been a month, and you weren’t ready to have sex with him, and so he responded in a way that guys like him usually did.
Anyone could’ve seen that coming, and yet…
“What’s wrong with me?”
You almost didn’t realize you’d said that, the words coming out in a small whisper before you could swallow them down. You liked to think it was the alcohol talking, but you knew that the brown liquor you’d snuck away was only just making you more honest. You were entertaining thoughts you normally preferred to ignore and shove down.
“Hey…”
Topper’s tone told you that he’d heard you loud and clear, and you only shook your head when his hand gently touched your arm.
“I mean…” you shrugged, throwing a hand out. “Am I not good enough to actually get to know?”
Topper said your name, and you heard him sit the drink down.
“If I don’t put out, am I just…not worth the effort?”
His voice was firmer this time when he said your name, and you hadn’t realized that he moved closer until his hands were on your arms and making you face him. There was a frown on his face as he eyed you, that blue gaze of his tracing your features.
“Stop letting these assholes get to you,” he told you. “You’re better than every single one of them.”
His advice was easier said than done, and so you didn’t respond, only frowning back at him before your eyes fell to the wood, tracing the lines in it.
“You have to say that, Topper,” you sighed. “It doesn’t exactly hit the same coming from you.”
You heard him release a heavy sigh too, his hands coming up to frame your face. When you were forced to look at him again, there was a look in his eyes that you couldn’t name. Topper’s blond hair wasn’t in its normal neat state, the light strands kissing his forehead as he ran his gaze over your face. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and so you were relieved when he voiced his thoughts.
“I’m saying it because it’s true…because I don’t actually have to say anything,” he continued, an edge to his voice. “I don’t have to tell you that I think you’re an insecure little girl who dates losers because you don’t have your father’s approval.”
You flinched at that, frown deepening.
“I don’t have to tell you that it pisses me off that you just don’t learn,” he bit out, and you hated how much his words stung.
…because they were true.
“You go after these guys who shouldn’t even have the confidence to approach you, and what kills me is that every time they break your heart, you go out prepared to repeat the process-.”
“Jesus, Topper!” you slapped one of his hands away. “What the hell?”
You sat up straight, tearfully glowering at him. The other guy didn’t look all that sorry, and you angrily wiped your face with a scoff.
“Is this your idea of comforting me?” you choked out.
The blond briefly looked away, and he at least had the sense to have some shame, a sheepish glint passing through his eyes. You watched him swallow, jaw clenching as he seemed to be choosing his next words carefully.
“You could just do so much better,” he finally said, tone thick with disappointment. “…and you choose not to.”
You bristled at his words.
“Let you tell it, no guy is good enough for me, so you’ll have to excuse me if I don’t take your critique to heart,” you spat.
“No guy is good enough for you.”
Topper wasn’t looking at you, but instead was staring straight ahead, one arm resting on a bent knee. The sounds of the party still provided some background noise, but you weren’t focused on that. You were more focused on the tightness in your brother’s jaw, a coldness in his blue eyes that wasn’t unfamiliar to you. Of all his friends, Topper was considered the nice one—the respectable one—but you were probably one of the few people who knew just how nasty he could be.
It was something that only one other person was able to bring out in him.
So…you didn’t know why you said it.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were jealous.”
You were trying to get under his skin…but you didn’t know that you were already there.
“Maybe I am…”
Topper’s tone was even, devoid of all humor, and he slowly turned to look at you.
His response took you by surprise, and your lips parted, prepared to jokingly tell him to shut up when his expression gave you pause. There was no mirthful twinkle in his eye, not even a mocking or condescending glint that told you he was playing along and trying to bother you just as much.
Topper was serious.
“Maybe I am jealous,” he continued, shifting to fully face you, now. “So, now what?”
You frowned at him, blinking a few times as your mouth opened and closed. You were all too aware of your heart in your chest…among other things. Like the fact that you two were alone and Topper was really close, and you’d had way too much to drink. The party downstairs felt so far away, and you briefly squeezed your eyes shut.
No, you and Topper didn’t share blood, but this revelation you were slowly coming to terms with unsettled you beyond belief. Topper couldn’t be jealous…not of your exes…because that implied that… You shook your head, looking away and having the strong urge to lie down.
“Do you know what it’s like? To know you give asshole after asshole a chance, and there’s nothing I can do about it?”
“Yeah, because-!”
“I know what I am, Y/N,” he cut you off. “You don’t have to remind me.”
He bitterly mumbled that last part, and you finally looked at him again.
“Topper…you can’t be jealous of my exes,” you slowly told him, the words coming out in a whisper like you were afraid to say it out loud.
You were all too aware of just how close he’d gotten, and it was hard to focus on anything else. You wanted to leave—needed to leave—but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. You watched his blue eyes flit over your face, studying you and drinking you in, and you sharply inhaled when you saw his hand lifting out of the corner of your eye.
“Well, that’s too bad,” he quietly responded, hand coming up to take hold of your jaw.
You pushed against his arm—and chest—but the blond wouldn’t budge, and a bout of panic took hold of you.
“Topper-!”
The rest of your words were swallowed and forgotten, his lips moving against yours in a kiss. It—in combination with the alcohol—made your head spin, and you gasped against his lips. He took the opportunity to taste the inside of your mouth, moving closer and pressing his chest to yours. One hand against his chest and one against his arm didn’t deter him, and you jumped when an arm tightly snaked around your waist.
You were practically forced into Topper’s lap, and the more he kissed you, the more you forgot about the party downstairs.
The alcohol made it hard to focus on what was important, your brain getting distracted and becoming preoccupied with the taste of alcohol on his tongue. You were hyperaware of his hand pressing into your waist and the way his other hand was so warm against your jaw, his thumb tracing patterns into your skin. The ministrations had your body heating up, and although you knew why you needed to stop, you couldn’t work your limbs to try harder to.
Your head fell back when Topper’s lips traveled to your throat, and he let your face go, fingers dancing down your frame.
When they found comfort on your thigh, your dress riding up in the commotion, you shuddered. They felt so hot against your skin, and the heat traveled all the way to your stomach, settling deeply there. Without thinking, you parted your thighs a bit, and you felt Topper hum against your throat. The sound was soon followed by his hand disappearing between your legs, and you involuntarily bucked your hips closer.
You were shocked at how easy it was for him to push a finger into you. It dragged a breathy yelp from your lips, your hand coming up to grab onto his shoulder when he added another. You spread your legs more, hips lifting, and you heard Topper curse as he sank his fingers into you. You couldn’t stop moaning, the alcohol making you lose all sense of caution, so you weren’t shocked when he kissed you again.
“Topper,” you gasped against his mouth.
It was wrong, and you remembered why it was wrong…but you couldn’t stop. Before where you’d been trying to push him away, you were now pulling him closer, lifting your hips to meet every curve of his fingers and toes curling against the wood of the balcony. You were dripping around him, now, something that would’ve embarrassed you had you been in your right mind, but at the moment, you only wanted to come.
When you did, he let your waist go to cover your mouth.
You couldn’t stop murmuring and mewling into the palm of his hand, his other hand still pushing fingers into you and circling your bundle of nerves with his thumb. Stars danced in your vision, and you felt the blond lean in and press kisses against your throat and collarbone. You were still trembling when you started to frown, all too aware of his fingers inside of you as you wondered what you’d just done.
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You ignored the heat of familiar gazes as you grabbed your things, wanting to be literally anywhere else.
Hitting a few balls with Rafe turned into hitting a few with Kelce and Rafe and then eventually Topper and Kelce and Rafe. The arrival of your brother had triggered a drastic mood shift, and as much as you’d tried to hide it, you didn’t think you were doing a good job. Especially once the gathering was moved inside to get something to eat. Unable to pretend anymore, you feigned an illness.
“Y/N, at least let me drive you…”
“I’d rather walk,” you told Topper, avoiding his eye and declining his offer.
There was no doubt in your mind that the other two picked up on the tension, confirmed when Rafe’s voice carried as you exited the building.
“Geez,” he’d exhaled. “What’s going on with you two?”
The question still lingered in your mind all the way back home.
What’s going on with you two… How loaded that answer was, and you yourself couldn’t even convey it fully. Memories of the party had plagued your mind for weeks, now, and despite how you should feel about it, you were learning that it wasn’t so simple. Your stomach flipped for multiple reasons as you recalled the feeling of Topper’s hands on you.
The entire ordeal was beyond dubious, your head in the toilet later that night only proof of how much you’d had to drink. Finding out that your brother thought of you in ways a brother shouldn’t should’ve gone in a whole other direction. The lack of blood relation did little to lessen your uneasiness and guilt, chest aching uncomfortably at the memory of his fingers inside of you.
Your parents were married, had been for eight years, now.
You were well and fully settled in as a family unit at this point…and yet…
That did nothing to lessen the heat deep in your gut when you thought about Topper kissing you and touching you in ways no one ever had before. It was something that kept you up at night, and on particularly bad nights, you found your own hand drifting between your legs to try and replicate the same feelings he’d pulled from you under the cover of darkness while your parents had been none the wiser.
To say that things were awkward and messed up was an understatement.
You were angry with him…but you couldn’t stop thinking about him. It was a source of great conflict for you, and unsure of how to act around the one person you’d trusted the most, you simply opted with ignoring him and avoiding him as best as you could. Not only was this noticeable to any and everyone you knew—your combined presence a normality—but it also pissed Topper off.
Very much.
“You can’t ignore me forever.”
Those were the words that greeted you a few days later as you washed dishes. His mother was out, and your father was upstairs in his study, and despite the fact that you very much wanted to do what he said you couldn’t, you acknowledged him, anyway.
“I can try…”
When he said your name, it was softly spoken, but you weren’t oblivious to the edge in his voice.
“Can we talk for a sec…” he suggested. “I mean, like, a real conversation.”
“I don’t have anything to say to you-.”
“That’s a lie, and you know it,” he breathed, his hand coming up to rest on your arm. “You have a lot to say to me, and I don’t care if you just want to curse me out because you’ve never held back before.”
Roughly dropping a plate back into the water, you took a deep breath. Facing Topper, you really looked at him for the first time in weeks. You hated that despite the circumstances of what happened that night, he looked different to you…less like a brother… Such a thought made you briefly close your eyes, and when you opened them again, you were angry again.
“What is wrong with you?” you breathlessly wondered.
Your tone had his jaw clenching, and you watched him look away. You didn’t pull your gaze away as he pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, and when he looked at you again, you were surprised to find a hint of anger in his blue eyes.
“You’re treating me like…like I’m some kind of pervert,” he whispered.
Your heart did clench at that, and you couldn’t pretend to ignore how that accusation made you feel. You were closer to Topper than you were to anyone else, and despite your anger, you still loved him—cared about him. No, you didn’t think that, but the circumstances of that night—and the circumstances surrounding this entire situation—were messing with your head.
“…and instead of like the guy who has always cared about you.”
You swallowed.
“I fucked up that night,” he admitted to you. “I messed up, and I can see that it’s freaked you out, and I’m sorry.”
Your eyes burned at his apology, and even though some part of you wanted something else just as much, you knew that an apology was what you should want more than anything. That night had to be a one-off thing, something to never be repeated. If you wanted to keep your sanity and have things go back to normal, you had to forget about it, and you had to convince Topper to do the same.
“Topper, we can’t…we can’t do anything like that ever again,” you whispered, and you watched his face even out. “I can’t tell you how to feel…”
The blond nodded, swiping his tongue between his lips.
“…but I’m telling you that I need things to go back to normal…”
Topper’s shoulders sagged at that, and you struggled to swallow.
“You’re the one person that I can talk to about almost anything…and the one person I know I can count on, and… I’m feeling really unsure about that, right now, and I don’t like that, and it’s scary…”
You trailed off when Topper wrapped his arms around you, gently shushing you.
“I’m sorry,” he quietly apologized again. “I’m sorry, and you’re right.”
He pressed his face into the crook of your neck, and you shuddered when his lips grazed your skin as he spoke.
“I was being a selfish asshole that night,” he whispered. “Obviously this can’t be anything else.”
His hands moved up and down your back in soothing gestures, and while it was reminiscent of something he always did to calm you, you couldn’t help but let your mind wonder about what other meaning it might’ve always had. Telling yourself that Topper cared more about what you wanted instead of chasing the high of an alcohol fueled night, you hugged him back, accepting his apology.
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It was storming the night you lost your virginity to your stepbrother.
The loud rain and harsh winds and booming thunder all seemed to work together to drown out the sounds of your breathless moans and surprised gasps. Topper’s forearms were pressed into the pillow on either side of your head as he snapped his hips against yours, the mix of pain and pleasure jumbling your brain. With the power out, the only source of light came from the occasional flash of lightning.
A late-night conversation had dwindled down into nothing the longer the night dragged on. Dozing off at his side wasn’t abnormal, your descent into fatigue made all the more quicker when accompanied by the sound of rain hitting the window. Despite your brief rough patch after that night, you and Topper started treating each other like you always had. It wasn’t without difficulty. After all, there were nights where you still woke up with the memory of his lips touching yours, but it was easy enough to ignore…
Waking up to the feel of an arm around your waist and a hardness against your thigh was not.
You feigned sleep, unsure of what to do or how to proceed and even unsure if Topper was awake and wholly aware. The wind knocked the shutters against the window, and the room was briefly illuminated by a flash of lightning. The thunder and rain were all you could hear, even deaf to your own breathing, but especially Topper’s. However, when you turned your head, you learned that the blond was very much awake.
You didn’t have time to properly gather your thoughts about the kiss, Topper pulling you against him and rolling on top of you before you could. Your mind had been going a mile a minute to make sense of what was happening, and by the time you did, it was too late—his bare chest was pressing against yours and his arms were caging you in.
“Oh my God,” you’d breathed the moment he pushed his cock into you.
The words had escaped from both the shock and the pain, repeating them as you also registered the way your stomach flipped.
“It’s okay,” he whispered in the darkness, a miracle that you could hear him. “You’re okay.”
Were you?
“Topper,” you’d murmured, your tone making your thoughts clear.
“I fucking love you,” was his defense. “Don’t you get that?”
He remained still inside of you for some time, both of you quietly going back and forth.
“We can’t do this,” you’d hissed.
“You saying we can’t isn’t the same as you saying you don’t want to…”
It was the truth, and you weren’t going to lie, but you could only manage to shake your head.
When he started to move, you gasped, somehow getting used to the feel of him in the time you argued. Feeling him pull out before pushing his way back into you had your back arching, absentmindedly lifting your hips. Every reason as to why you shouldn’t do this became less and less important the longer he fucked you. Your nails clawed at his skin, and Topper hissed at the feeling.
He nipped at your neck, teeth gently pulling at the skin while he plunged his cock into you. You felt so full and so stretched in a way that your fingers—nor his—could compare to. All that was left of the pain was a dull ache, even that becoming overshadowed by the pleasure his thrusts brought to you. You were thankful for the storm, sure you wouldn’t even be able to keep quiet if you tried.
“None of those assholes loved you,” he panted against your lips, fingers twisting into the hair at the nape of your neck. “None of them will ever love you like I do.”
Your fingers pressed into his arm and back, breath hitching at a particularly hard thrust.
When he kissed you, just like that night, you kissed him back. Only this time, you weren’t drunk. You were perfectly sober, and you moaned against his lips at the feel of his cock sinking into you. This was the wettest you’d ever been, dripping around him and making a mess of his sheets, no doubt. His hair was damp with sweat, the soft strands pressing against your forehead, and his skin fared no better. Your hands slid over him with ease, a thin layer of sweat coating both of your frames.
Topper was still fucking you when the thunder stopped, and the rain slackened. It was still dark, but you found yourself biting your lip in an effort to not give yourselves away. You found it difficult, the blonde’s cock hitting something inside of you that made you shudder and clench down onto him. When his hands trailed down to grab onto your waist, his fingers dug into your skin as he lifted your hips for you.
You could just make him out in the darkness, his gaze holding yours as you held onto him and fluttered around his cock. You could feel him push himself to his knees, and you dazedly reached down to cover his hands with your own. He stroked something inside of you that pushed you closer and closer to the edge, and the moment you fell over, you sank your teeth into your lip so hard that you tasted blood.
Your vision momentarily went completely dark, only able to focus on the feel of you tightening around Topper. You took note of his hands on your waist, your hands on his, the movement of the bed and the soft rain outside. As your breathing slowed, you also noticed the sloppiness of his thrusts, and your vision refocused just as the blond pulled out.
His sigh reached your ears as he came onto your stomach.
Aside from the rain, the only sound in the room was that of your soft and labored breathing. You were equally awed and shocked, almost feeling like you’d just had an out of body experience. You were trembling, but not just because you were cold, and sensing this, Topper wrapped his arms around you.
“Topper…”
Your tone was unsure, too many emotions fighting for dominance as you marinated in the aftermath of what just happened. His chest was to your back—heart still racing—and his only response was a quiet ‘tomorrow’. The hand that wasn’t resting on your stomach found a home on the front of your throat, and Topper softly repeated himself when he pressed a kiss to the back of your neck.
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heliads · 9 months
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I love you writing and I was hoping you could write Ben Florian x VK!Reader the reader is Lefou's kid. A soulmate AU where the negative things you think about yourself are marked on your soulmate's skin. Reader only has one or two things because Ben is from Auradon and has a good life and family. While Ben has around half a dozen. Reader is the one who gives Ben the love potion. During the lake scene they notice Ben is their soulmate and tries (but fails) to hide it thinking he deserves better
masterlist
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There really is no good place for a prince. They are political figureheads in every sense of the phrase— too young to actually rule, too old to be allowed to skip state functions. They sit in corners of expensive meetings and cut ribbons in front of newly opened buildings, but they can’t do a whole lot except smile and pose. 
Shame your friend seems so fixated on capturing one, then. It feels like you’ve just barely left the Isle of the Lost, only bid farewell to the entirety of your prior life experience hours ago, and yet already Mal is scheming about how to best tear down everything around you. If Prince Ben is the best way to fulfill her nefarious plans, then so be it.
The only problem is that you’re now involved in all of this, too. Mal wants a wand and so she’ll take a prince to get there, but as one of her best friends, you’ve been drafted into the plot to catch a prince. Ben won’t have any idea what’s coming. Shame, he would probably run if he had any clue.
Mal’s good at covering her tracks, though, she always has been. You can remember elaborate plans from when you were much younger to steal cookies or cloaks, spellbooks and shoes. At this point, hearing Mal tell you that she’s going to bewitch the crown prince of Auradon into falling in love with her shouldn’t surprise you, just the fact that she’s taken this long to come up with the idea.
Usually, you have no problem going along with Mal’s little adventures. They’re entertaining, at the least, a good way to pass a few days when you’ve already gone over every alleyway and hiding place on the Isle at least a dozen times in the last month. The issue is that you’re not on the Isle anymore, and maybe– just maybe– disrupting everything here isn’t entirely what you want to do.
Mal doesn’t know this, of course. None of your fellow VKs do. Every time they monologue and moan about how they can’t wait to get out of this place, you find yourself holding your tongue, biting back your real thoughts about how the school isn’t actually as bad as you feared. Sure, the constant judgment from the other children of princes and princesses isn’t all that fun, but Auradon Prep has its positives, too. For one thing, you think your soulmate might be here.
What a terrible thing for the child of a villain to prioritize. You’ve heard Mal scoff at the idea of a soulmate, and although Evie is certainly more interested in the idea than some of your other friends, you’re still not sure that you’d find a welcome audience amongst their ranks when it comes to tracking down your soulmate. After all, the odds of that soulmate being from Auradon and not the Isle are pretty high. They’ve all but told you that themselves.
All things considered, for a society with such control over magic and spells, it’s pretty difficult to find your soulmate. You’d always wondered why those in charge couldn’t shorten the whole affair to something more simple– a name on the wrist, perhaps, or an invisible string that only the two of you could see– but instead, soulmate magic went the complicated route. How lovely.
The story about the origin of the soulmate magic is convoluted and ancient, going back generations and changing with each family. The general consensus is that soulmates were created to preserve the sanctity of true love, with the idea that soulmates should be able to love each other entirely, flaws and all. So, when you think something negative about yourself, those very same thoughts will show up on the skin of your soulmate, something like a warning label for what they’re going to get themselves into.
This is all well and good for people with few negative thoughts, maybe they’ll have something here and there about a bad sports result or a poor test grade that their soulmate can chuckle over before meeting them. For you, though? You, the child of a villain, cursed to live forever on a too-small island with the other convicts and criminals, you have had more fears and hated things about yourself than most. Your soulmate must be covered in unhappy musings, which only makes you feel worse about yourself than before. A self-perpetuating cycle of the worst kind.
By contrast, the startling absence of your soulmate’s negative thoughts on your own skin makes you certain that they couldn’t be from the Isle of the Lost. There are only one or two fears on your skin, proof of loving parents and a stable home, and they’re minor things like a bad hair day or a fear of not doing their absolute best. These change, often leaving every few months to be replaced by something else insignificant.
What makes you most certain that your soulmate is the child of a royal is the one negative thought that has stayed on your skin since the very beginning. Your soulmate, whoever they are, is terrified that they will let down the king and queen. Only someone with close ties to the royalty could have such a fear, so it’s proof that your soulmate is somewhere here on Auradon.
So maybe you don’t want to leave this place, not yet. Not until you can learn who your soulmate is. It’ll be almost impossible to track them down on this information alone, but supposedly that’s how the whole thing is supposed to work. You learn about the worst parts of your soulmate, and then you get to love the best of them. The only problem is that you’re fairly sure that if your soulmate is a royal, they won’t want to love you at all.
It’s easier to ignore the whole affair. Easier to agree to Mal’s plan when she proposes enchanting Prince Ben. At least another one of your friend’s schemes will keep your mind off the soulmate affair.
That’s what you tell yourself, at least, but your conscience is starting to get steadily more vocal as the days go by. Ben is a nice guy, which hurts, surprisingly. Although the love spell may have been cast on Mal, as one of Mal’s closest friends, you’re around the two of them all the time. The boy you see is someone that you wish could be your soulmate. He may be a prince, and you may be a villain, but he makes you want to believe in love after all.
You certainly have the capacity for such musings. For some reason, the love spell didn’t take all that well, and although Ben is now compelled to stay with Mal more than he was before, it’s not like he’s totally obsessed with her as Mal had hoped. Mal claims it’s because love spells can never work fully due to the soulmate issue, like having a soulmate is a kind of shield to protect you against that sort of enchantment, but regardless, Ben has just enough independent thought that he can tell you jokes and try to make you smile like– well, like he tries to do with Mal.
The realization that Ben is a genuinely good person, and worse, someone you don’t want to trick, haunts you as you fall further into Mal’s scheme. You’ve been trying to push the whole thing from your mind, letting Ben join your soulmate in the depths of your mind you don’t want to touch, but your train of thought keeps circling back to him despite your best attempts otherwise.
Besides, it doesn’t help that Mal keeps trying to involve you in the plot. Right now, the two of them are at the Enchanted Lake, out on a cute little date. Mal had been making mock disgusted faces at you the whole time she was getting ready, but some part of yourself can’t stop whispering that this doesn’t seem so bad, actually, that the thought of being out here alone with Ben would make for a wonderful day instead of the tedious chore Mal is making it out to be.
Ben doesn’t know you’re here, though. Mal wanted backup in case something happened, so you’re lingering in the woods to keep anyone from stumbling upon the scene and also holding onto more magical baked goods in case Mal feels the need to renew the spell. It’s kind of like torture, strolling through this beautiful forest, knowing that Ben is so close and you are helping hold him under the thrall of this plot.
The storm in your mind must be thundering too loudly for you to think straight, because you lose track of yourself and accidentally walk too close to the lake. You weren’t supposed to be spotted, but before you can back away and melt back into the foliage, Ben looks up and sees you. You panic, immediately heading the way you’d come, but you hear footsteps after you moments later and Ben manages to track you down before you can go too far. Mal is so going to kill you for messing with her plan.
“Sorry,” you murmur, eyes wide when he finally catches up to you, “I didn’t realize the two of you were– I’ll go now.”
Ben shakes his head. “No, no, it’s alright. It’s not like we have a monopoly on the woods.”
He’s dripping water, most likely due to a recent dip in the lake, and you can’t seem to stop your gaze from following the path of the droplets as they cascade down his shoulders, across his hands, and, most importantly of all, over the swooping letters of the fears of his soulmates. 
Usually, Ben wears long sleeves or something else to hide them. You can see why now– there are many of them, many more than you, perhaps half a dozen in all. You can’t read all of them from where you’re standing, just snippets about how a villain’s kid shouldn’t have a soulmate, how they’ll never amount to much, things like that. Things like what you’ve been thinking recently.
Ben must catch on to your train of thought, because he smiles weakly, absentmindedly scratching at a sentence proclaiming that his soulmate isn’t worth the good luck they get. “Yeah, my soulmate’s a little stressed, I guess. Hopefully, I can talk about that with them soon. I want them to know that they’re worth it, wherever they are.”
It had never occurred to you that hating yourself would make your soulmate this obsessed. You have no proof that Ben is your soulmate but– 
But, as you watch, you can see a new fear appearing out of nowhere, wrapping itself around Ben’s left wrist. I’m not good enough for a soulmate this good. Just what you were thinking mere moments ago. It’s like proof.
Ben looks up slowly, and although you were never blessed with the ability to read minds, you swear you can tell exactly what he’s thinking right now. “Are you–” he starts, ends, tries again, “Do you know who your soulmate is?”
You can do several things at this moment. You can confirm what you’re mostly sure is true, you can lie, you can pretend you hadn’t heard him. You spot movement in the trees behind him, a flash of purple, and remember belatedly that Mal is still somewhere at the Enchanted Lake, waiting for Ben to come back and wondering why you’re holding him here for so long.
All of a sudden, the reality of the situation comes crashing down around your shoulders. This is not something that can happen. Ben is a prince. You are the child of a villain, and the friend of another VK who’s counting on you to continue fooling Ben so she can pursue her latest mad plan. There is no world in which this works out.
So, you force a smile, banishing all thoughts back into the deep recesses of your brain once more. “No,” you say, “I don’t know. I think they’re a VK, though.”
Ben’s face falls in a flash. “Really? Because I thought–”
You shake your head quickly. “I don’t– it’s not me. I think Mal is waiting for you, though. You shouldn’t keep her for long.”
Ben glances back over his shoulder in memory of the girl he’s left somewhere in the woods behind him, and when he looks back, you’re gone. You’re good at running. It’s a skill you’ve perfected over the years. You just never thought you’d have to use it now.
Prince Ben is your soulmate. Impossible. True. Mal comes back later that afternoon, tells you the date went splendidly despite your accidental intrusion. Ben must not have let the brief moment in the woods faze him for long. It hurts more than you care to admit.
There is only so much running a VK can do, try as they might to pretend otherwise. You avoid Ben at all costs, hoping that whatever foolish war is currently being fought inside your heart will come to a tolerable ceasefire if you just ignore it long enough. Mal tells you that the plan is going swimmingly, she’s never seen the prince more excited about the VKs and the upcoming coronation. You nod and smile and tell her that you’re glad everything is going to plan, but inside, you cannot seem to stop your mind from screaming. 
And then, all of a sudden, despite your best attempts to remain out of sight, Prince Ben finds you. It’s completely out of the blue, so casual that you almost don’t realize it’s happening until he’s sitting down at your table in the library and it’s too late to run. 
You feel like an animal caught in a trap. He’s just smiling like nothing is the matter. “I know it’s you,” he says by way of hello. 
Your heart is stuck in your throat. “What?”
“I know it’s you,” Ben repeats, “I know you’re my soulmate. I had the Fairy Godmother do a little spell so I could check for you, but I think I knew since that day at the lake.”
You frown. “You can do that?”
He shrugs, looking a little embarrassed. “Not everyone can, I think. But I, uh, insisted.”
You grin. “Prince privileges?”
“Something like that.” He’s smiling, though, maybe pleased that you’re not trying to run off this time. “But you knew even without the spell, didn’t you?”
That does shake your uncertain sense of calm. “Yes,” you admit, “but I didn’t think you— I didn’t think it would work out.”
The look on Ben’s face is genuinely heartbreaking. “What, just because I’m a prince?”
He says it so casually, it’s almost funny. “Yes, Ben, because you’re a prince and I’m a VK. I mean, my dad was Lefou. He literally tried to ruin the happy ever after of your parents, why would you want someone like me to be your soulmate?”
“Same reason you shouldn’t be afraid to want me. You’re not your father, Y/N, and I’m not my parents. We’re just us, and I know that I want you to be my soulmate. I have since the start. I was hoping you would tell me you knew, but after a few days went by and you still said nothing, I figured I had to take matters into my own hands. Even if that meant using a spell or two.”
You keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to laugh in your face and tell you it’s ridiculous to think that he would ever want a VK as a soulmate, but he doesn’t. In fact, you don’t think he ever will. As impossible as it seems, Ben wants someone who isn’t from a perfect fairy tale. He wants you. And that, lovely and wonderful and absolutely crazy, sounds like a fairly good happily ever after for you. 
disney tag list: @rogueanschel, @lovesanimals0000, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed
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creamhoodie · 4 months
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First Time
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A/N: Written for the person who requested it, I hope you enjoy it! synopsis: After you both confess that you are virgins in a game of truth or dare, Gojo offers to take your virginity. (afab reader, aged up characters, set during Gojo's Jujutsu High days)
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You still remember the moment you fell in love with Satoru Gojo. It was when you had joined Jujutsu High and met him for the first time. You had met him outside by the koi fish pond. Coming from a non sorcerer family, you didn’t know anything about him then. Not that he was the strongest, a practical God on Earth, the honored one. 
Not a damn thing. 
All you had known then was that he was handsome and so you had made small talk to him the way you would anyone else as you two sat and watched the fish swim in circles. You enjoyed his kind and witty personality and had immediately felt at ease with him. 
It was such a small thing but it had meant everything to him as well. You had seen him as simply Satoru and had spared him from all the usual awkward ogling. He had hoped as time went on that you wouldn’t change in your behavior with him as you learned more about him. 
He was grateful when you still treated him the same and as a result the two of you had become close friends. Of course neither of you had crossed that bridge regarding your mutual feelings out of fear of rejection and ruining the dynamic the two of you had going. 
Still, it was evident to anyone that knew the both of you that there were feelings there: mutual yearning and longing looks that when called out would be denied. Perhaps the two of you would have continued that way for who knows how long if it hadn’t been for Geto and Shoko that had suggested playing drunk truth or dare one night after coming back from a mission. 
“Wait so you’ve never had sex?” Shoko had asked you as that had been your truth question to answer. You had foolishly believed that choosing the truth would spare you from any embarrassment. 
“I told you the truth. I’ve never done that,” you had said, face hot. 
You hated talking about this in front of Gojo. Both Geto and Shoko admitted to having lost their virginity, the former bragging about just how many women he had been with from the sister school. 
“Well why haven’t you done it, yet? You’re very pretty I’m sure lots of guys would want to,” Shoko continued to press the issue. 
Though you knew she didn’t mean for it to be embarrassing, the spotlight on your lack of sexual experience was growing humiliating. Luckily, Gojo, who seemed to always be in tune with your feelings, spoke up. 
“So what if she hasn’t had sex? Leave her alone. It’s nothing to be embarrassed of,” he said. 
You gave him a wry smile as thanks, the heat from your cheeks dying down. 
“Well don’t leave us hanging, Satoru. You’ve been awfully quiet, what about yourself?” Geto asked.
You found that odd. Surely the two would talk about these things amongst each other, but Gojo was ever the mystery. 
“I haven’t had sex either if you must know,” he said. Unlike you there was no shred of embarrassment visible in his demeanor. 
“No way! But what about all those girls from the other school?” Shoko asked. 
Gojo shook his head.
“I said I didn’t have sex not that I didn’t do anything at all. Now can we please move on to something else?”
Luckily, the alcohol in everyone’s system kept the mood light hearted and the other two were easily derailed to other topics.
Afterwards, Gojo walked you back to your room. He had his hand resting on his neck the way it always did when he was pensive. He stopped in his tracks causing you to do the same.
“Listen what I said back there, I meant it. You shouldn’t be embarrassed just because you haven’t had your first time yet,” he said.
“Thanks for that,” you replied a little unsure of why he was bringing it up now. His cheeks seemed a little pink but perhaps that was the alcohol?
“I just think your first time should be with someone special, don't you agree?” he continued. 
“Yeah I feel the same,” you said. His next words caught you by surprise. 
“So I want you to know even though there’s nothing wrong with it, if you- you know don’t wanna be a virgin anymore I’d be cool with helping you out with that,” he said. His stuttering was unusual for him, especially since he was usually so confident and well composed. He was a young man of conviction and that’s why earlier he hadn’t been embarrassed to admit he was a virgin because he believed in the sentiment of the first time being sacred. 
“Are you offering to have sex with me?” you asked slowly, your mind not fully registering his words yet. 
“If you want to. I just- look, you’re special to me. You’ve always seen me for me,” he said, closing the slight gap between the two of you. His hand cupped your cheek before adding, “am I special to you?” 
Him touching you wasn’t unusual, as your close friend he had hugged you, ruffled your hair, and laid his head on your shoulder. All of these actions had always made your heart react and now was no different, in fact it only raced more alongside the question he had asked you. 
“Yes you’re special to me Satoru,” you said in almost a whisper. 
“Well I want you to think about it. My offer always stands. Shoko is right there’s no shortage of guys that would want to be with you, but I wanna be your first. You’re so special and important to me I wanna make sure you’re well taken care of.” 
He planted a kiss on your forehead and wished you goodnight then, leaving you to stay up restless considering his offer.
First, your mind thought about how he could possibly be a virgin as well. He was a known flirt and had flings even if not serious girlfriends, but he wasn’t a liar so you knew when he said he was a virgin he was telling the truth. 
Second, you wanted to be with him. You had always known that you had feelings for him so why deny him when he was offering it with good intentions? Despite it being the middle of the night, you called him. He answered on the first ring.
“What are you still doing up?” He asked, though his voice sounded just as alert with no hint of sleepiness.
“Couldn’t sleep,” you replied.
“Same,” he said laughing slightly and you were glad to know at least he was in a similar position.
“Listen about your offer. I agree,” you said.
“Holy shit, really?” He asked in both shock and excitement. 
“Yeah, I just thought about what you said..” you paused, chewing the inside of your cheek before continuing.. “Am I really special to you?” 
“Of course you are. I’ve never lied to you and I’m not going to start now,” he said seriously, and you believed him. You were silent for so long he spoke up again: “so do you want me to come over now or..”
Your cheeks felt on fire as you realized you hadn’t exactly called with a plan of action other than telling him you agree. 
“I hadn’t thought that far,” you admitted. 
“It’s okay. How about tomorrow night? That way we have time to prepare and think about it and everything,” he said gently and you were grateful at how he was trying to accommodate you. 
“Yeah tomorrow night sounds good,” you agreed. 
“Cool, so you wanna do it in my room or yours? I have no preference,” he said. 
“My room if that’s okay,” you replied. Your reasoning was you’d enjoy the familiarity of your room and your own bed would allow you to relax without having to worry about somehow ruining his. 
“That’s okay. I have some errands to run tomorrow but we’re still good for the night and I’ll text you to confirm,” he said. 
“Sounds good, well goodnight,” you said a little hurriedly.
“Goodnight,” he said before hanging up. 
Unbeknownst to each other, the two of you both struggled to get sleep that night as anticipation for the next night’s engagement. 
— 
“What’s that?” You asked Gojo as he showed up at your door at the time you had agreed upon with a medium sized pink paper bag in hand. 
“Just some things to set the mood and things we may need,” he said walking past you into the room. 
You closed and locked the door behind him watching as he started taking out white candles from the bag and placing them on your nightstand.
“That’s so thoughtful of you. I’m sorry I didn’t think of it before,” you said, shifting slightly. 
Your prep had consisted of taking an ‘everything shower’ earlier and making sure your body was moisturized and groomed to your liking. 
“Don’t worry about it. I want you to be comfortable,” he said, lighting the candles then going to turn off your electric light. 
“Should we use a condom?” you asked suddenly, remembering.
“It’s your decision. I brought some in the bag if you want me to wear one,” he said. 
He seemed to have thought about everything. You were grateful for his efforts to make you comfortable. You weren’t sure if you wanted to use a condom for your first time as you did want to be able to feel everything and you knew where you were in your cycle so the chances of pregnancy would be very low. 
“We can start with one if that’s okay and see how it goes,” you offered. 
“Sure, whatever you want,” he said, seeming indifferent about it.
You stood there and shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. He smiled at you and went to sit at your bed, motioning you to come sit with him. You did so. 
“Sorry if this is awkward,” you said shyly, not meeting his gaze.
He lifted your chin up gently so you were forced to meet his eyes.
“It’s a learning experience for both of us. Don’t worry. Can I kiss you? That’s how it usually starts anyways,” he said. 
You gave him consent by nodding and his lips were on yours. At first the kiss was soft and gentle, sweet light pecks that allowed you to get used to the taste and feel of him. They soon grew more feverish as you kissed him back. His tongue entered your mouth, lightly grazing the roof of your mouth. 
“You taste good,” he whispered as the kiss broke apart a faint trail of saliva still connecting the two of you. 
“You do too,” you said, already feeling a pool of arousal forming between your thighs. His lips moved down your neck, and it felt so sensual and eventually he traced that path back with his lips, his destination being yours once more. You felt him smile against your lips. 
“Are you comfortable?” he asked, pulling away gently, his eyes ever so soft. 
“Yeah, you’re a really good kisser Satoru,” you complimented him. He shrugged it off but you could tell from his smile and the blushing of cheeks that the praise meant a lot to him. 
“Would it be okay if I took your shirt off? You can take mine off too,” he offered. 
“Yeah that’s fine,” you replied and held your arms up as he helped discard your lounge shirt leaving you exposed in your bra. 
“Wow you’re incredible,” he whispered in awe. 
“Thanks,” you said, hoping he didn’t notice how red your face was getting before you added,”let me help you now.”
His white cotton tee was soon discarded, revealing his muscular torso. Instinctively, you reached out to touch his six pack and he shivered a little at the touch.
“Sorry,” you said, quickly dropping your hand. 
“No,” he replied, taking your hand and placing it back where it had been, “it’s fine I like when you touch me.”
The sincerity in his words gave you courage and so you let your hands run down his chest, taking in the firmness of his sculpted figure. 
When you looked up at him he was watching you intently with fondness in eyes. 
“Can I touch you as well?” he asked. 
You nodded.
His large hands went to cup your breasts, the nipples were almost seeping out of your bra from this gesture, and it was alluring to him. He wanted to take his time though, and cherish every moment with you. 
You felt the same, and no words were needed as he kissed you again, still cupping your breasts through your bra. You sighed in pure bliss and you were really enjoying how you were both taking the time to become used to each other’s bodies and touch. Losing yourself in the feel of him, your hand rested at the front of his pants and you could tell he was hard already.
“Fuck,” he groaned, breaking the kiss apart as he felt your hand palming at his front. 
“This okay?” you asked innocently. You knew he had done stuff before even if he hadn’t had actual full on sex so you were trying to lead by his example, not wanting things to be so formal or awkward.
“It’s more than okay, baby. I’m just worried I won’t be able to last long if you keep at that,” he said laughing a little before continuing,”here how about I start to prep you a little, yeah?” He tugged at the drawstring of your matching lounge pants. 
You nodded but then felt embarrassed at the immense pooling you felt in your panties. 
“Wait, Satoru-“ you said as he undid the tie of the drawstring.
“Something wrong?” he asked with genuine concern.
“I’m just really wet down there, forewarning,” you said. 
He smirked at that.
“Good you’re supposed to. It’ll feel better for you that way, trust me,” he said. 
When he felt your body relax, he undid the knot now fully allowing for you to pull your pants down. You appreciated how he allowed you to do it yourself, letting you make the decision. Your pants fully discarded, you were exposed to him in the matching baby blue set you had chosen specifically for him. 
For Gojo, the curved shape of your ass and the soft supple skin of your exposed thighs were driving him crazy. 
“You’re perfect,” he told you. He positioned himself so he was on his knees in front of you. “I’m gonna try something, let me know if you want me to stop.” His hand went to your sex, cupping it briefly before moving the fabric of your underwear to the side so he could feel and see your pussy. 
“Satoru..” your breathing hitched, you weren’t sure why exactly you were calling his name but you knew you needed more of him. He seemed to understand. 
“Fuck-you’re soaking,” he exclaimed. His eyes were fixated on your pussy and he was biting his lip. Taking one finger, he pushed through the folds gaining entrance. 
You winced a little and he paused. 
“It’s okay, just getting used to it,” you said, relaxing your body to make it easier. You felt long his finger gain full access to you and the sensation of it being inside you felt interesting and new. Yes, you had explored and pleasured yourself before, but it was much different when someone else did it. His digit felt much more prominent. 
“Good girl, you’re so fucking good. I had brought lube in case we needed it but it seems like you have plenty of your own,” he praised, entranced by how you pooled around his finger, “let’s see if you can take another.” He took another long finger and put it inside of you next to the former, gently stretching you as he did so. Determined to make this a good experience for you, his free hand searched and easily found your clit, a bud behind the rose petal folds of your pussy. 
“Oh my god,” you moaned as you felt him stimulate your clit and begin to buckle his fingers inside of you at the same time. 
“Feels good?” he asked for feedback, though from the way your eyes rolled back in pleasure he was sure he knew. 
“So good, Satoru. How are you so good at this?” you asked, succumbing to moans as his free thumb stroked your clit. 
Truth was, he had spent his prep time reading up on female anatomy. Sure, he had messed around with women before but he was still a virgin and as a man he felt it fell on him to make the first time perfect for you. He had also watched some porn but when a lot of them seemed catered to men with unrealistic expectations and regard for the women he had turned to amateur couple porn and read erotica. 
Of course he wasn’t going to tell you any of that though, despite what you may have thought he also got flustered around you. 
“Gonna give you another,” he said, turned on at how putty-like you were becoming for him. The third finger didn’t go in as easily as the first two. “Shhh come on baby you can do it. Need you to take them, otherwise we can’t fuck.”
To help you relax, he inched up closer to you until his face was in front of yours, kissing you sloppily. Your hands went to his snowy hair, loving how soft it felt and earning you a moan from him. When the kiss broke apart, you felt more turned on. 
“Hold on to me if you need to,” he said, pushing the third finger all the way in. Your hands gripped his shoulders and you sighed feeling the fullness of his three long fingers inside of you. “Good girl, I knew you could do it.” He began to thrust his fingers inside of you, mimicking the action of what was to come. All the while his free thumb stroked your clit. 
Your moans became gurgle-like and you couldn’t believe how good he was making you feel from just fingers alone. 
“Satoru, I feel-“ 
“You’re close, baby I know. I can feel it from how your pussy is gripping around my fingers,” he said. Your toes curled and you felt your orgasm coming as he kept the steady tune of stimulation. 
“Ahhh..oh fuck,” you moaned, your words slurring as you hit your peak. 
He chuckled as you laid back, breathing heavily and trying to collect yourself. You watched him suck on one of the fingers he had put inside of you. 
“Want a taste?” he teased. 
You shook your head, still breathing hard. That was so good.. too good. You hadn’t even orgasmed that good on your own. 
“Satoru, promise me you’re a virgin too,” you said. 
His eyes lit up at that. 
“Was it that good? I promise I’m a virgin. I just read up on stuff. I want it to be good for you,” he said. His skin became rosy and you believed him, noticing his bashfulness. 
You watched as he walked over to the pink bag he had brought with him rummaging through it. 
“What are you doing?” you asked. 
“Getting a condom,” he replied. 
You had nearly forgotten about that. You remembered how good it had felt to feel all the ridges and skin of his fingers, suddenly you couldn’t think of anything worse than having that skin to skin contact blocked. 
“Wait Satoru, I changed my mind. We don’t have to use one,” you said. 
“Really?” he asked, excited. 
“I just want to feel all of you,” you said shyly. He came back over to you, bending down like before to kiss you. 
“Thank you for trusting me with that honor,” he said afterwards, his lips still lingering inches from yours. The intensity of his gaze and his proximity made you feel faint. 
“Shut up, Satoru,” you said giggling both from nerves and at how serious he sounded. 
“I mean it. I’ve meant every word of what I’ve told you. You’re special to me,” he said, then you felt him hook his thumbs underneath your bra, “let’s get you out of this pretty thing, yeah?” 
He undid your bra easily and you helped him remove it, placing it on the floor. Your underwear soon followed. 
For Gojo, it was everything he had ever fantasized about, having you laid bare before him. 
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered in awe but it was enough for you to hear. 
Laying there completely vulnerable to him, you didn’t feel as embarrassed as you thought you would have. You chalked that up to him having taken various measures to make you comfortable. 
He began to undo his pants, unzipping the front and pulling them down alongside his boxers to reveal his hard, long length. 
You gulped at seeing how big and thick he really was. It was also veiny and the head was plump and pink.That was supposed to go inside of you? 
“Don’t worry, baby. That’s why we prepped,” he said, seeming to read your thoughts. 
“It’s so big, Satoru,” you said astonished, but you supposed it made sense he was just tall and big in general. 
He seemed smug at that and came over to you again lining up in front of you. 
“You ready? Just relax, we’ll go nice and slow,” he said. 
“I’m ready,” you said. 
You felt a slightly brief discomfort as his tip fettered through your folds into the plush entrance. 
“Shh, how are you doing? Just relax like you did for my fingers,” he said gently, almost nurturing. 
This was so much different than a finger however, it was thicker and wider and to think this was only the tip. He shoved a little more then sighed, a laugh of relief falling from his lips as his full tip was in. 
“You feel really warm,” he said. He craved more of it, wanted his full length soaring inside of you already, but he knew in order for the sensation to feel good and be non invasive to you he had to take his time. 
As for you, you enjoyed this new feeling of the sensitive skin of his head soaking inside of you. 
“I want more, Satoru,” you whined, desperate to find out how his full length felt. 
“Yes ma’am,” he chuckled at your mutual enthusiasm. With that, he gave you another, inch adoring the way your lips let out a delicate little ‘o’ as he did so. All the while you soaked him more and more as you grew more excited. 
Another inch, another moan, all until his full length was finally resting inside of you. 
You felt each unique ridge and curve of his penis and it felt amazing knowing you were the only one who had ever felt him this way. 
“Satoru, it feels so good,” you whispered. 
“You feel incredible too, like you were made for me,” he said, amazed and enthralled at how you fit perfectly around him. He bent down and kissed you passionately, still in this missionary position. The skin to skin contact with him felt divine, incredibly intimate as his chest smushed against your breasts. When the kiss broke apart he added: “To think it feels this good just to soak and I haven’t even started thrusting yet. I suppose I’ll start now, but please don’t hold it against me if I don’t last too long.” 
“It’s okay, Satoru,” you said, assuring him. After all, it was his first time as well, you wouldn’t possibly hold anything against him performance wise. 
With your reassurance, he began to thrust his length, giving you steady rhythmic strokes.
“Fuck, you’re so fucking warm,” he groaned. Never had he felt a pleasure this good. Your soft walls engulfed him in their warmth, the sensation could only be described as the same soothing feeling one got from standing near a fireplace. Your pussy was greedily clamping down on him and your bed had begun to squeak at the back and forth motion. 
“Yes Satoru oh yes give it to me,” you whined, your legs wrapped around his waist bringing him even closer still and your hands went to his back desperately clawing at him. 
“Fuck, don’t think I can last much longer even though I want to- ah oh you’re so fucking hot,” his voice sounded so animalistic as he was losing himself in the feel of it. 
You moaned as he continued to fuck himself into you, his length hitting your sensitive spots. 
“I’m close we never discussed it- where do you want me to finish?” he asked, voice pained as he tried to be considerate despite being completely out of his mind. “Baby, baby tell me where you want me to cum,” he continued, urgency in his voice when you didn’t answer him. 
“Inside, Satoru, I want it inside,” you replied at last, forming words out of your moans. 
“Ahhh fuck so good to me,” he praised. The sounds of wet skin slapping against each other, the bed spring creaking and your shared moans was enough to set him over the edge. 
His hot fluid shot into you and he collapsed on top of you, careful not to crush you with his full weight. You stroked his hair as you both tried to catch your breathing. 
You weren’t a virgin anymore, you had sex with your best friend who you’ve been crushing on for so long. It was enough to make your head spin.
“Did you like it?” Gojo asked, lifting his head to look at you. His eyes were vulnerable and you could tell his mood relied on your answer.
Luckily, you had enjoyed yourself and could tell him just as much.
“It was perfect. You really made our first time so special, Satoru,” you said truthfully. 
“I wanna sleep here with you tonight. Would that be okay?” he asked. 
You couldn’t think of anything better than having him sleep between the sheets with you. It would add to the intimacy of it all. 
“Yes I’d like that,” you replied. 
“Cool,” he said. 
The two of you laid like that a little while longer. You traced shapes into the skin of his back and felt the rise and fall of his chest against yours. 
When he at last spoke again he said: “I don’t just want to be your first, I intend to be your one and only.” 
If your heart could smile you know it would at his words. You watched the wick of the candle drop the flames, an ever present reminder of the passion between you two. 
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
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charmedreincarnation · 4 months
Note
Success Story Using Your States Challenge 🎉
Hello Maya! I've got to confess, I used to despise the concept of states. It made it seem to me like bloggers were simply being lazy and deceiving us because at first, it made zero sense. If I could just choose to embody any state, then why was my life in shambles? Why was I poor, why was I abused?unattractive, and suffering? When did I choose to embody these states?
But then it hit me! Whether consciously or subconsciously, whether due to coincidence or purposeful, whether knowingly or ignorantly, I realized that if I wanted to manifest my dream life, I had to take accountability for the negative aspects as well. That's the law of reversibility. It was a bitter pill to swallow initially because I've been through some really tough shit experiences that I wouldn't wish upon anyone.
It wasn't my fault, but I kept replaying those old stories, and reliving them hence creating my reality . But I learned that I could use this to my advantage. I could replace the old story with a new one that fulfilled me.
I started making choices aligned with my dream life. Every time I encountered something from the old story, I chose to perceive it differently. Working with an abusive manager? Odd, because in my state, I'm a trust fund baby. Seeing an unattractive reflection in the mirror? Confusing, because I have a social media following based on my looks alone bc of pretty privilege. My bank account nearing zero? Must be an error, because I have millions in savings and investments.
I strongly recommend checking out these posts for additional insights:
Pink's post on overcoming doubt
Angel's advice on states
Bambi's tips on manifesting under unfavorable circumstances
Maya's post on time
Since embracing this mindset, I've manifested so much! Like literally waking up with a whole new life. I've moved to LA, gained a large social media following (100k on Instagram, 200k on YouTube, and 1 million on TikTok), and now live in a beautiful house in Beverly Hills. I attend a prestigious private high school with other celebrity kids. My dad (revised) is retiring from the NFL, and my mom is a successful interior designer.
I've also manifested my dream body (Alexis ren), dream face (I am so pretty it’s not even fair) dream cars (Lamborghini Urus, Tesla Model X, and Porsche 911 GT3), an enviable closet and room, a loyal friend group, and much more. My list was about 100 pages long, very specific, and yet my life turned out even better than I could have imagined!
Thank you so much and Happy New Year! 💋
I am very happy for you! I’m glad you kept reaching for your dreams and inspiring yourself and thank you for inspiring others 🤍🕊️✨Honestly I forgot what state challenge you’re talking abt bc I genuinely lowkey don’t remember making that post… like who knows where my mind was but regardless wishing you a lifetime of happiness and success! So glad I could help
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thesharktanksdriver · 11 months
Text
Anarchy in the Spiderweb (Romantic)
I don’t know British slang so sorry if he’s dialogue seems a bit out of character.
Also watches this movie 2 days ago so I’m going off of memory of him plus other people’s interpretations
Not even sure this is good but my mind is racing with him and this is what came out of that
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From the moment you met Hobie brown you knew that the two of you would end up inexplicably tangled together somehow
Your not sure why, but it felt as if fate had pulled you both together
It was in high school you both met
Him, the cool and justice focused punk who was regularly getting himself into fights
And you, the relatively normal but meek kid who was regularly picked on
It was a cold and dreary afternoon which was normal for London weather
You were walking home, new bruises lining your arms after being pushed around once again
Old cuts now reopened as you walk with your bag hugged to your chest
It was then turning a corner you saw him
Bruised just like you were but with a proud smile, blood staining his teeth and knuckles like shining beacons to his victory
A complete opposite to you
Without thinking you pull out some spare bandages from your bag
Rushing over before he could say anything and doing your best to patch him up
It was when you looked him in the eyes you paused
And it was then that you felt it, an odd spark of something that you both seemingly felt
A shiver goes down your spine and it’s not from the cold nor your bruises
Once your done wrapping him up as best you could you go to scurry away but your stopped when his hand grabs your wrist
For a moment your afraid
But then he speaks
“You got into your own battles huh?”
“I…” you pause to think of the right words “if you call standing there and taking it as a battle…then yeah”
He gets a look in his eyes, something burning and angry but not directed at you. “I’m Hobie. You need some company?”
For a moment you think it over, there might be more kids on your way back home “I…sure. I’m Y/n”
He pats your shoulder with a gentleness you haven’t expected, his smile is cool and calm. “Aight”
From then on you stuck like glue
Despite skipping classes he’d show up when your classes would end to walk you to the next
Lunches that used to be alone were now spent with him behind the school with his newest track list
In his words it was to “listen to some real music”
The bruises that we’re constantly reappearing now faded away
As did the constant frown and anxiety that filled you when going to school
At some point you enjoyed heading to the corrupt system that did nothing to help you
But Hobie did and that’s what had mattered to you
Even as people stopped picking on you he stayed
You began hanging out with him after school
Being taken to some hole in the wall places he found via word of mouth
Some of which end up in running from the police afterwards but with that comes dodging into alleyways and then laughing your ass off
Going to unknown concerts for bands you’d never heard of
Being dragged backstage by him during his small concert venues as well
It’s quite possibly the most fun you’d had in your life
And with that you begin to open up more much to his pleasure
You used to be a shy wallflower but now he saw a different side to you
One that loved adventure and risk
Someone who desperately needed to break out of their shell with a little help
A person who began experimenting in their own style with his help
Sometimes he crashes randomly at your place, coming in through the window after knocking on it
Usually at some random time in the night
But despite how you grumble about it you let him in
On nights like these he strums his guitar, trying out new songs he’s made and getting your opinion
Or doing activities like having you paint his nails
He doesn’t care about the colour, even if it’s something that clashes with his looks
Also may or may not have pierced your ears
At some point within the night you both crash on the bed in a mess of limbs
Luckily he has the hindsight to take off his boots and studded clothes
At some point Hobie begins to show up at your place more with injuries that need to be patched up
It worries you a bit, especially as Oscorp becomes bigger and bigger
It’s not like he hasn’t gotten into fights before and came to you but now things are changing
And not for the better
But regardless you know it’s useless talking him out of it
you knew how he was
He’d never not stand up for others
Never stop going against the system
And that had to be one of the things you loved most about him
So you just stick to patching him up, lightly teasing him a bit which makes him chuckle
Butterflies fluttering in your stomach as his deep voice rumbles
It doesn’t help that as of late he had also been much more…affectionate?
Not in the traditional sense, but in his own way
From the beginning of knowing him, Hobie has had a habit of gifting you things as a sign of care
And that hasn’t stopped, it increased quite a bit
All his gifts are handmade and personal. Things only you and him would have the context to understand
Also cause he hates capitalism
Hand painted bottle caps that he made into buttons
Small scraps of paper of lyrics from his songs
Playlists he made with hand selected songs that “remind him of you” that have certain romantic subtext
Customizing your clothes (with your permission) into something similar to his style yet personalized just for you
They aren’t grand gestures but each are more meaningful that way
Each somehow recalling an old memory between the two of you
Like him showing you the sex pistols for the first time at lunch whilst he played along with the tune
Or a button with your nickname on it
All those can be somewhat written off though, maybe he was just being more sentimental as of late
Maybe he did this with other close friends (your not sure if he really talked to anyone but you though?)
But then again he’d also been more touchy
Draping an arm around your shoulder when he notices you getting uncomfortable
Lingering by your side closer than he did before
The occasional time his rough hands will graze yours almost intentionally
By doing this many seem to assume your both a couple and he never goes out of his way to correct them
Just letting the comment slide as your left to frantically explain
It seems to be signs that he might like you yet your not fully sure
He’s the first ever really good thing in your life and you can’t risk ruining it
Not when there’s still a chance your looking into things too much
Not when he may find it too awkward and stop being there for you
Eventually during hangouts he brings up the subject of the new spider vigilante
It’s not very surprising to you, yet you can’t help but be a bit intrigued since he had a negative view on heros
You tell him the truth though since there no point lying to him
Spider-Man or Spider-punk as he’s widely nicknamed, is pretty cool in your opinion
He reminded you a lot of Hobie in the fact he stood up for the weak and gave the middle finger to pricks in power
In that regard he earned your respect
Along with the fact you had to admit he was pretty cool looking
That earns you a chuckle from Hobie as he rummages through his bag for something
Meanwhile your still talking when he suddenly shows you a very familiar spider mask with spikes along the top to mimic a Mohawk
And now your staring in complete and utter shock
Mouth agape
Eyes wide
He just fucking laughs and pulls it over his head, somehow being able to contain his hair
“So you like it eh? Well…Do you like it even more now?”
“Hobie what the ever loving fuck?!?”
“I’ll take that as a yes”
“Your Spider-Man?! How??”
“Long story short, radioactive spider from illegal dumped waste. Not surprising to be honest. Not when you still haven’t caught onto the hints that I like you luv”
“Huh?! Wait you like me?!”
“Thought I made it pretty clear.”
Yeah so, Hobie just randomly dumps that on you
And it takes a while to process
But in that time he’s already holding you close as your a stuttering mess of confusion
He finds it cute
Especially since he gets to tease you about it a whole shit ton later
But once you do process it, things progress
He becomes you partner and you become his
Your trust between one another growing stronger as he tells you of his fights and goals
Those night visits increase as he literally swings past to say hi or get quickly patched up before heading out again
But now before he goes he insists in getting a kiss for luck
And how can you refuse him when he gives you that damn smirk
With his spider powers he likes to take you places you normally couldn’t see
Like the top of buildings to some old dilapidated factory that the two of you explore for shits and giggles
These become the equivalent of dates since he finds restaurants too cliche. He does bring food though on these excursions
In public he doesn’t change the amount of affection he gives you very much
A arm around your shoulder or curled around your waist
He prefers to not go beyond that but if someone is trying to flirt with you and they are the getting the message that your already in a relationship he may sneak a quick kiss
Along with this he also lets you have the honour of wearing his stuff
Jackets, vest, pins, shirts, you name it and he’ll lend you it
He finds it cute especially if it clashes with your own style
Speaking of which, he’ll also probably steal your stuff as well since he finds it nice to have something of yours with him
His enhanced sense make smell much more prominent to him and having something of yours with it makes him feel a bit more relaxed
Helps him on duty as well when things get rough, it just reminds him what he’s fighting for
Cause from the moment you both met on that shitty cold day he knew he needed to help you
And since then he’s wanted to make this shitty world better for the people who deserve it
Eventually when he’s approached by another Spider-Man from a different dimension named Miguel he is apprehensive
Hobie has (and will) never be someone who is ordered around
Especially not by some big wig who thinks he’s better than everyone
But despite that he can’t help but be tempted to know more about all of this
Throughout his entire run as Spider-Man the only other person he’s had is you
But even then you didn’t know the full potential and extent of what it’s like to have these powers
Now there are literal hundreds of thousands who know
Some of which he can’t help but think would be cool to meet, especially since there had to be others like him
So for now he agrees but not before giving you the heads up first
Especially since he doesn’t trust Miguel and whatever the hell he was talking about with “canon events”
All you ask is that he gets back safe at the end of the day and tell you all about what he’s seen
He smiles and gives you a kiss before leaving through a portal via a bracket of sorts
What he quickly learns whilst at spider HQ is that for every spider-person a set destiny of events would happen to them
Some of which he recognizes in his own story
But one that didn’t was you
His love for you goes against the bullshit of whatever canon decides is supposed to happen
Your not an M.J or a Gwen
Not some weird variant of them with a slightly altered name
Your you
Perfect, beautiful, amazingly caring you who has always been there for him when society spat on him
But when has he ever listened to authority?
So due to this he keeps mention of your name to none. Just sticking to the nicknames he’s given you when talking to others
Of all the spiders he meets he ends up to be pretty close friends to a small group of them
Gwen, Pavitr, and Mayday (by extension her father as well)
He even begins letting the Blond spider-woman crash at his place one learning her situation of going home
Warning you of not saying your actual name around her just in case as a precaution
But besides that you get along with her as well
She feels a bit awkward staying at his place considering he’s in a relationship but you assure her it’s fine
You trust her
And most importantly you trust him
Plus by how she was talking about “Miles” you had no real reason to worry
(Along with the fact her situation hit too close to home when Hobie ended up without a home for awhile and you were the only person he could turn to)
Gwen is welcome company especially as she and Hobie practice songs together while you all hang out
It’s fun watching
Especially since Hobie at some through focuses his attention on showing off whilst staring at you with his dumb smile
You can’t help but giggle afterwards as he make some comments about it
Meanwhile Gwen sitting nearby on the couch wondering if she should leave the room
Pavitr is another who ends up occasionally dropping by at Hobie’s who ends up meeting you
He’s a ray of sunshine who is bouncing with joy once seeing you and Hobie
He comments on the “beautiful chemistry” while Gwen sighs
During hangouts Pavitr tends to talk with you about what it’s like in his dimension and the differences between here and there
It’s actually pretty cool
Especially as he occasionally brings snacks and drinks for everyone to try as he talks about his Aunt preparing them
He might or might not have let it slip that Hobie constantly talks about you to everyone who will listen
Which he then absolutely gushes about being super adorable
What he finds even more adorable are the songs Hobie wrote that are obviously about you
Yet at the time he wrote them you kept thinking otherwise
You swear Pavitr somehow knows every nerdy fact know to man
He might’ve taught you how to use string to create stuff
And then he squeals when he finds out you did what he taught you and made it a gift to Hobie
He is both your and Hobie’s number one supporter
Hobie says he brings Mayday over to “teach her about anarchy” but you have a feeling it’s really so Peter can spend some time with his wife
Not that your complaining thought since Mayday is adorable
The little redhead is climbing up the walls and parading her knitted Spider-Man hat as if it were a priceless treasure (which it is)
She absolutely loves Hobie and you
Sometimes he lets her play with a little “drum” set he made with some cans and junk
She loves it, partially cause she loves causing chaos
Which he approves of
When he tuckers her out she goes to you
You gently hold her and lay her to bed
Peter secretly pays you for this cause Hobie refuses to take the money
Miguel is a name you hear a lot in passing but you’d luckily never met him (yet)
You have a feeling it wouldn’t end up well
Especially since you aren’t an “M.J” or Gwen
But you know for a fact if it did end up in a fight Hobie would be at your side
He’s not listening to some goth Garfield who thinks he’s automatically in charge of everyone just because he figured out multiverse travel first
Especially not when Hobie sees the guy has a few screws loose
He just has to wait for the right moment though
Besides, what’s more punk than sticking it to the man for someone you love?
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chelseeebe · 6 months
Text
promise.
eddie knows about covering bruises and pretending to be fine all too well. but can he save the one woman he thinks he’s ever loved?
a/n: ok i’ve been a bit shit the last few weeks and this is genuinely the only thing i could conjure up but forewarning, it is sad and it does mention some pretty heavy topics that i know aren’t for everyone so i completely understand if u don’t want to read! my adhd riddled brain has already started a part two which does have a happy ending
title based on promise - ben howard i just thought it was a really lovely song and fits well with part two
read part two here.
18+. mdni! mentions of domestic violence, not explicitly described but the injuries are there and it is referred to multiple times throughout (eddie is not the perpetrator). smut. v much hurt/no comfort but not for long.
⋆˙⟡♡⟡⋆˙
eddie is positively wrecked.
who would have ever guessed working in a shoddy, run-down bar would be so fucking tiring?
graham had said that if he picked up a few shifts at the hideout a week, then corroded coffin could play once a month. a guaranteed slot and he got paid? this was like heaven to him.
he just hadn’t expected the little bar to be so exhausting. he supposes that his lack of work experience and the fact he was used to doing sweet fuck all most of the time was to blame. that’s not his fault. not really. after finally graduating high school a year or so ago, he just hadn’t found any work in the tiny town.
on one particularly boring mid-week shift, eddie’s sat behind the bar doodling on the back of an old receipt, tapping his foot along to the kiss tune playing on the stereo. wouldn’t be his first choice but he’s not complaining.
‘you coming for a smoke?’ you exclaim suddenly, causing his head to jolt up, running the biro over his shitty drawing, ruining it completely.
‘uh.. then who would be on the bar?’ he utters, quickly hiding the doodle before you could judge it. not that he thinks you would, but just in case.
‘eddie, it’s dead,’ you say flatly, looking around at the empty tables.
truth be told, he hadn’t seen another soul bar from you and graham since he’d arrived which was odd for a thursday. assuming that the usual bums that lined the dusty old stools were otherwise engaged today. that or they just hadn’t been paid yet.
‘oh.. yeah, okay,’ he nods, hopping down from the stool and grabbing his jacket. you’re already gone, bounding off down the hall to the fire exit you all used for smoke breaks.
eddie’s still fairly new and very rarely got invited on the group breaks. which was fine, he just wished that you’d all take it in turns so that he could smoke too. he gets it though, like he talks enough but yet not enough to really make friends with any of you.
you’re leaning back against the brick wall, cigarette hanging from your lips, ‘you got a lighter?’
it’s not like he’d been staring or thought about it that much, but he’d noticed how breathtakingly beautiful you were on his second shift. okay, maybe that’s a lie. he’d thought about it a lot. but anyway, he’d been utterly in awe at the way you handled the drunks, brushed off their creepy comments and stood your ground no matter how angry or persistent they were being. he admired that and just wished that he had even a smidgen of the confidence you had.
he fumbles in his pocket for the lighter, clumsily handing it over before getting his own pack out. it feels wrong to look you in the eye, god that sounded pathetic. you were older, far cooler than he was and positively stunning. if he remembers correctly, you must’ve been a couple grades above him at school but had left long before he graduated.
‘thanks,’ passing the lighter back to him, fingers ever so slightly brushing against his. it’s like electricity sparks through his veins.
he really needs to get a grip.
‘you enjoyin’ it here?’ you ask, eyes intimidating as they bore into his.
‘it’s okay.. tiring though,’ he shrugs, trying his hardest to maintain eye contact despite his inability to look pretty girls in the eye.
‘yeah.. you’ll get used to it,’ you chuckle, the smoke flowing out of your lips perfectly. he’s so pathetically down bad for you and you have literally no idea.
‘how long have you worked here?’ longing to keep the conversation flowing.
‘shit.. too long,’ chuckling as you take another drag. eddie could listen to that sound all day. ‘i think i was eighteen when i started so..’ pretending to count on your fingers, ‘six years?’
eddie blows the air out of cheeks, he’s probably be in a similar position if he’d have just graduated when he was supposed to so he can’t exactly pass judgement.
‘i think we went to school together, i mean, you were a couple grades above me but i remember you,’ hoping that that didn’t sound as creepy out loud like it did in his head.
‘oh shit, really?’ your eyes narrow, trying to place him though it’s obviously not going to happen, ‘i don’t remember you.. i’m so sorry,’ playfully hitting his arm.
the connection is enough to keep his delusions going for at least another month.
‘it’s fine, didn’t think you would,’ not many people did to be honest. he tosses his cigarette into the overflowing makeshift ashtray, waiting for you to lead the way back inside.
‘hey, it was a long time ago, i’m old now!’ you joke, walking back through the dim hall back to the bar. he tries his hardest not to let his gaze slip to you ass but he swears it’s only for a second.
the bar’s still dead, the stereo now blaring out some madonna tune he hated.
‘ugh.. turn this one off,’ he mutters, mostly to himself as he repositions himself back on his perch.
‘what?’
‘i hate this song.’
your jaw drops in faux-offence, ‘i made this mixtape you asshole,’ going to shove him off of the stool, ‘i can’t believe you can’t drop the cool guy act for one second to appreciate some madonna,’ laughing as you start collecting glasses.
his frown turns into an immediate grin, begging for your forgiveness as he starts to bop his head along to the beat. it’s not like anyone would see him and hell, even if they did, he didn’t care. not if it made you smile.
-
‘holy fuck, you been fightin’ with the door again?’ james remarks, pulling eddie’s eyes from his paper to spot you rushing into the bar.
your head is ducked, flashing the older man your middle finger, disappearing into the back before eddie can properly get a glimpse of your face.
but he knows.
there’d been a handful of times that you’d come in wearing a massive sweater instead of your usual low-cut tops and when you reached for something high up, the sleeve would reveal just enough for him to see the dark blue marks on your wrist.
he’d never been sure, not until now. but his stomach drops the second his brain puts two and two together.
ditching the paper and that asshole james behind the bar to slink off into the back, approaching the tiny staff room with the upmost caution. it’d never be wise to start throwing accusations around but he’s not stupid. eddie had watching his mom go through the exact same shit for years. knew all the tricks in the book to cover up bruises, cried his heart out every time his mom went back to his asshole dad.
only god knows how many times he’d planned out his fathers death. anger brimming in his tiny body the second he heard raised voices.
he knocks gently on the door, watching as you hurriedly wipe the makeup onto your eye. it’s not doing much, in fact, it’s not doing anything at all. the purple shining through undeniably.
‘you okay?’ practically whispering as he enters the room, knocking the door shut behind him. james’ comment had meant that this obviously wasn’t the first time you’d come into work with such horrid markings.
you sigh, giving up on attempting to cover it, slamming the metallic compact back into your locker. ‘i’m okay.. i’m fine,’ refusing to turn and face him.
you’re obviously not okay and it hurts eddie to know that there’s absolutely nothing he can do to help. instead, he takes a seat on the communal bench, if nothing else, he’d lend his ear for whatever story you wanted to tell him.
‘what happened?’ he dares to ask, not expecting to know the truth but it felt better than silence.
you sniff, closing your locker and finally facing him head on. there’s pain and guilt wracked all over your face, ‘i’m just.. clumsy,’ shoulders slumping, ‘i tripped..’
‘clumsy?’
you were anything but. eddie had watched you balance trays full of glasses without spilling a single drop. maybe other people bought your story but he didn’t. he couldn’t.
there’s a short silence and eddie shuffles, patting the empty space beside him, ‘you don’t have to lie to me.’ he swallows his anger, lets it rest in his stomach for a later date. there’s no doubt that if he got the opportunity, he’d kill the asshole that did this to you.
you swallow, reluctantly perching on the bench, ‘why are you even asking when you already know?’ not quite meeting his eyes, staring off somewhere into the distance.
‘i don’t know.. didn’t wanna pressure you..’ he’s familiar with the whole routine. the denial from his mother had broken his heart at such a young age even though he wasn’t stupid.
you blink, meeting his eyes for the first time, ‘he didn’t mean to.. was my fault,’ wiping the back of your hand against your sodden cheeks.
even hearing the words makes him inexplicably frustrated. not with you of course, but with the fact that you can’t see how much you don’t deserve that.
‘i don’t think you could do anything to deserve that,’ motioning towards your blackened eye. he’s not going to push it but he needs you to know that he’s here and would quite happily wrap his hands around that bastards neck.
‘you know.. my dad used to hit my mom,’ swallowing the large lump that had gathered in his throat, but finds enough strength to continue, ‘she was the nicest lady in the world.. she didn’t deserve that and neither do you,’ licking his suddenly parched lips. it wasn’t an easy topic then and it certainly isn’t now.
he’s not particularly ever open about what happened to his mom but if it convinced you even a tiny bit to leave him, it’d be worth it.
there’s a beat, followed by a muffled sniff but you’re nodding, staring down at the grimy tiles rather than his face. eddie reckons that he’d be overstepping his mark if he did what he wanted and leant over to hug you. so he doesn’t. putting a sympathetic hand on your shoulder instead.
‘you’re an angel, you know that?’ the hints of a smile creeping onto your lips.
‘yeah i know,’ he scoffs, bashing his shoulder into yours, only gently.
‘shut up,’ knocking him straight back.
you get up from the bench, puffing your cheeks out as you take one last look into the mirror.
it’s a gut-wrenching, awful sight and god forbid eddie has to ever see you like that again.
-
perhaps rather naively, eddie assumes everything is fine for the next few weeks.
understandably, you’re a bit subdued for a few days but you do revert back to your usual bubbly self come friday evening. no more bruises, no more groaning when you change the keg and absolutely zero mention of your wretched boyfriend.
so when he pulls into his gravel driveway one gloomy saturday night, he’s aghast to see you perched on his trailer steps. blinking through his headlights, soaked through from the rain with a busted lip and a torn shirt to match.
he near enough launches himself from his van, rushing over to your hunched over frame. damn near falling over his feet to get to you.
‘what the hell happened?’
you stand, clinging onto your poorly packed rucksack, ‘i.. i didn’t know where else to go,’ utterly defeated, any traces of life drained from your face.
he doesn’t say another word, bundling you into the trailer, slamming the lights on to get a proper look of you. his hands firmly on your drenched shoulders as he examines your injuries. your lip is cracked, the blood had wept from the cut and dried on your chin.
it’s awful. knocks him sick just to see you like this. your cheeks are stained with a mixture of rain and he presumes tears, hair hanging limp around your beautiful face.
‘what happened?’ he says softly, studying your face. he notices the small gash on your forehead, using everything within himself not to storm out of that door in a murderous rage.
your mouth opens but no words come out. it’s not as if he can’t put two and two together, he just doesn’t understand how it got to this point after last week.
‘it’s okay.. c’mon let’s get you out of these clothes,’ he blinks, collecting himself before taking your sopping wet bag. the clothes had all suffered in the downpour, damp and unwearable.
so he leads you into his cramped room, hastily rummaging through his drawers for something you can wear.
it’s a little self-indulgent and completely the wrong time but his heart flutters when you reappear out of the bathroom sporting his tee and a pair of old gym shorts. now showered and without the blood stains on your face, it’s a welcome sight.
‘better?’ he offers, though he knows a shower could never really help.
you nod, pulling the sleeves down over your hands. it’s so adorable and eddie seriously has to fight his compulsion to just pull you into his arms. he knows there’s no way he can protect you from everything but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to try.
‘you want a drink? beer?’
your eyes light up, a minuscule smirk appearing on your battered lips. he’s sure wayne would understand why he came home to a non-existent six pack. the berating would be worth it to see you smile again.
he collapses onto the couch next to you, beer in hand as he watches you slowly relax. delighted that he could offer a safe space for you, even if it did come with some very complicated feelings.
that night, admittedly very creepily, he watches as you sleep. terrified to fall asleep in his makeshift bed on the floor in case you needed him.
-
at some point in the last two weeks, eddie had gone from sleeping on the floor to sleeping in his bed next to you. you’d told him it was far too cold for him on the floor and he should just get in. which he did, with great pleasure. there was nothing to it of course, but a few times he’d woken up to your leg entangled with his or your face pressed against his back.
everything had just got a whole lot more comfortable. rides to work, cooking for one another and some shared looks that he’d been unable to put his finger on. not wanting to believe they had any deeper meaning but at the same time, he knew that that wasn’t how friends looked at each other.
it’s a rare night you both have off, sat in the trailer watching halloween, neither of you really interested in what’s going on on the screen. there’s an inexplicable tension in the air tonight, you’re quieter than usual which eddie doesn’t like.
‘you okay?’ he dares to ask. he’d felt a little overbearing those first few days, constantly checking on you to make sure you were okay.
‘hmm? oh, i’m okay,’ setting your bottle of beer on the table, ending up much closer to him when you sit back.
‘you sure? you’re quiet,’ keen not to let on that he was absolutely buzzing about your close proximity.
‘just thinking.’
‘about?’
you let out a soft breath, twisting around to look at him fully. the only times he’d been this close to you were in bed where he laid and listened to your soft snores and when you’d been covered in injuries. neither one were exceptionally great circumstances.
‘you,’ you blink up at him, smiling just enough to make his heart skip a beat.
‘me?’ he can’t decipher whether that’s a good thing or not.
‘mhm.’
‘what about me?’
you don’t respond for what feels like an eternity but your gaze lowers, glancing at his lips and back to his eyes. if he weren’t staring directly into your bright eyes, he’d have missed it.
‘i really want to kiss you,’ you say, so brazenly that eddie’s not quite sure if he’s heard you correctly, almost sputtering on his breath as the words process.
‘you.. you wanna kiss me?’ trying hard not to sound so astounded. pretty girls didn’t want to kiss eddie, not like this.
you nod, ‘can i?’
there are stars in his eyes, blood pumping around his limbs at an alarming rate. his head is fuzzy and if he weren’t sitting, he’d probably have fainted.
‘please,’ he chokes, desperately forcing the word out before it becomes impossible.
your palms are soft as they caress his cheek, wishing that he’d shaved before this had unfolded. his heartbeat stutters, bubbling with anticipation as you lean in, gentle lips locking onto his as his eyes flutter shut.
this is it. he’d dreamt of kissing you for weeks, practiced on his hand an embarrassing amount of times and yet still nothing could’ve prepared him for how earth shattering this felt. his heart is practically jumping out of his chest and he’s sure you can feel it thumping against yours.
it’s as if fate had bought the two of you together, moving against each other in perfect harmony. if he died tomorrow, he’d die a happy man.
your hand creeps down onto his chest, holding yourself upright as you shift onto your knees. do you want to have sex with him? is this actually happening? his fingertips vibrate as they connect with your waist, like you weren’t even real and just a figment of his overactive imagination.
the second your lips part from his, he wants to cry, pull you back in and never let go. the absence of contact makes him whine, opening his eyes to see yours gazing back, they look different. different to how you’ve ever looked at him before, full of something unspeakable.
‘do you want to?’ you ask quietly into the minimal space between you.
eddie wants to so bad, more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life. nodding hurriedly to let you know just how eager he is. there’s not a chance in hell he’d let this opportunity slip through his fingers.
your lips twitch into a smile at his permission, fingers curling around the hem of his shirt.
but before you get any further, the trailer door clicks open and wayne is stood in the doorway, pizza box in hand accompanying his unimpressed scowl. ‘okay well, i think that’s enough of that,’ he grumbles, shuffling into the trailer as you climb off eddie’s lap, back into your own spot.
‘sorry wayne.. i didn’t know you were back so early,’ his cheeks burning, bashful as ever. it wasn’t enough for wayne to walk in on that but he was always now straining against his jeans, trying desperately to hide the tent while you reshuffle, pulling your shorts back down to a more appropriate length.
‘yeah yeah whatever,’ his uncle shakes his head, trundling over to the couch and tossing the box onto the cluttered coffee table, ‘move over boy, i wanna watch my programme,’ collapsing into the empty seat beside his nephew with a deep, guttural sigh.
the two of you share a sly smirk, tuning in to whatever shit wayne had put on without saying another word. stifling your laughter with a piece of pizza as eddie tries and fails to discretely pull a pillow onto his lap.
it’s hours later when you both crawl into bed and eddie has checked five times that wayne’s actually asleep before he gets to kiss you again.
bundled up under the covers when you pull him on top of you, your face gloriously basked in the bright moonlight shining in. it’s breathtaking.
‘you want to?’ you ask again, as if his answer had changed in those few hours.
he nods, his curls brushing fall down and brush against your cheek, ‘have you.. before?’ you ask cautiously. he’s not offended, even if he should be.
he has had sex before. only twice. when ellen had first joined hellfire, they had sorta had a year long fling which had ended after they had sex and ellen realised that maybe she didn’t actually like men. that was a super boost to his confidence. and then at senior prom when tina took great pity on him and somehow they ended up having sex in the back of his van.
he nods anyway, granted he’s not the most experienced but he’ll sure as hell try.
‘good,’ you smile, warm thighs wrapping around his torso as you reconnect your lips. it’s soft, gentle even. world’s apart from his previous encounters. this felt real, like you weren’t just kissing because you had to but because you wanted to.
it’s too cold in the trailer to care about removing your clothes, though he’s sure that’ll change in a minute. focussing on getting his tongue inside of your mouth, rutting against your pajama shorts. the friction causing his already semi-hard dick to rise, unable to contain the moan from escaping.
a smirk flashes across his face as his hand drags your shorts down your legs, savouring every moment of being able to touch your bare, supple skin. his hand makes its way back up your legs, repositioning the one he could grasp back around his lower back.
he has trouble getting his boxers down, too excited to focus on being smooth about it. appreciating the feel of your hand tugging the fabric down. you’re barely kissing at this point, your lips connecting with the corner of his mouth, all messy as the anticipation takes over.
‘you sure?’ he asks, gazing down at you with hooded eyes. he could just about remember what to do. sending a quick prayer upstairs to not let him be utterly useless.
‘i’m sure,’ you breathe, the feel of your fingers tangled into the hair that covered the back of his neck.
‘okay..’ he nods, mostly to himself as he wraps a head around his cock, positioning himself at your entrance. taking a brief moment to just capture this moment in preparation of it never happening again.
the pleasure overcomes his body as he slides in, already almost losing himself as he fills you up. a soft moan escapes your lips, gripping onto his neck. he is acutely aware that his uncle is asleep on the other side of the old trailer so he muffles his face into your neck, lips connecting with your jaw bone, kissing any and every bit of skin exposed to him.
sex had never felt like this before. at best, it had felt slightly better than when he jerked off, but this was something else. eddie knows it’s cliche and is definitely only because you feel so fucking good around him, but it’s as if you were made for each other.
hands pressed into the pillow so hard that he wouldn’t be surprised if there were a permanent dent either side of your head. using everything within himself not to start hollering, eyes fluttering shut against your neck. he moves in and out at an agonisingly slow pace. the small room filling with the sounds of your soaking wet cunt. its undeniable to anyone with ears and he just hopes to god that wayne is still asleep.
his own low groans vibrating against your cheek, mouth hanging open as his thrusts grow faster. you’re panting softly directly into his ear, spurring him on. despite the feel of your perfect cunt around him, the best feeling is knowing that he’s making you feel good.
‘h-holy shit,’ he mumbles nonsensically into the crook of your neck, not allowing himself to come for air because he know that the second he looks at your face, he’ll cum.
your one hand is splayed out on his upper back, the other holding onto his sweaty neck beneath his mop of hair. whining his name into his ear, driving him into a frenzy with the sound of your breathy voice, desire rippling through your moans. he should tell you to be quiet but that’d be cruel and he’d rather take the shame of wayne knowing than not hearing you.
your legs shift higher the position allowing him to reach the golden spot, nudging the soft, spongy spot over and over. eddie figures you’re far more experienced than he is. with no offence meant to you but you obviously know what works. this is new territory for him, a closeness that he’d never known possible.
you’re engulfing him completely, every single one of his senses encompassed by you. you’re all he can see even with his eyes screwed shut, all he can hear, taste and smell. god knows you’re all he can feel, calves squeezing around his back and your perfect pussy tightening around him.
he groans, feeling his stomach begin to twist in that all too familiar feeling. orgasms had never felt so good, it’s like everything was dialled up to level ten. ‘i’m gonna.. shit- i’m gonna come,’ he babbles far too loudly.
every noise tumbling out of your mouth was pulling him closer, no record could ever come close to the sweet mewls that were slipping between your lips. his arms begin to tremble under his own weight. feeling your legs quivering around his waist as your orgasm begins to overtake your body, sinful noises echoing around the otherwise quiet trailer.
‘ohh fuck,’ he growls, feeling your walls clenching around him, it was like he’d been pushed over the edge. the only way he can begin to describe it was otherworldly, flashes of white light illuminate his eyelids.
images of your face accompany your honeyed whimpers and he has to pull out before he explodes. spurts of his release cover his hand and admittedly the back of your thigh. if he had any semblance of control, he’d have been embarrassed but he’s not exactly sure that he’s still on planet earth.
he dares to open his eyes, watching as your chest heaves below him clinging onto his forearm with desperate fingertips. you’re looking up at him as if he’s the only person you’d ever seen. mouth slack as you regain your breath.
‘jesus christ,’ he whispers, hand resting on your angled knee as he floats back down to your planet.
eddie clambers off of the bed with a grunt, wiping a hand over his sweaty face. reaching down to grab his previously discarded towel. it wasn’t the epitome of romance but he darent to leave his room, petrified that wayne had just heard that entire encounter.
he’s a gentleman, of course, running the towel over your thigh to clean his mess. offering you a tiny shrug as if to say sorry. rather suddenly he feels rather conscious of himself, refusing to look at you as his cheeks flame.
it’s ridiculous. he’d just been buried between your legs and yet now couldn’t even look you in the fucking eyes.
before he gets up again, your hand reaches out, curling around his t-shirt. ‘stop,’ using his shirt as leverage for you to sit up.
in one quick movement, you’re placing a tiny onto his lips. a reassurance he really shouldn’t have needed but he appreciates nonetheless.
‘don’t do that,’ you hush, millimetres from his face, the shadow of his broken blinds shine upon your cheek. it hurts him to know that someone would dare look at you and want to hurt you.
if it were possible, he’d take all of your pain and carry it with him instead.
‘okay..’ he nods, resisting the urge to apologise once again.
you giggle and it sounds like the heavens have opened, pulling his body on top of yours as his bed makes an almighty squeak. if wayne wasn’t already awake, he certainly would be now.
-
eddie doesn’t know where the fuck you are.
you hadn’t come back to the trailer after work last night and now you’re nowhere to be found. you were supposed to start half an hour ago but hadn’t turned up and now his heart is pounding, mind racing at the horrific possibilities of what could’ve happened.
at first, he’d thought maybe he said something wrong? he’d just thrown out the suggestion of going to get the rest of your things and moving them in here while you got back on your feet. he hadn’t meant to push you out, god no, that was the last thing he wanted.
maybe stupidly he had presumed you wanted your own space. whatever the hell was going on between you two was so fresh, he didn’t want to even chance fucking it up.
the guilt wracks his brain, tempted to drop everything to drive around this tiny town looking for you. he’s so stupid. should’ve just kept his mouth shut and enjoyed it while you were there.
he’s just about to tell james that he’s leaving when the door to the bar opens and a rough looking man comes through with you held tightly underneath his arm. your eyes avoiding his direction, staring at the floor as the mystery man ushers you towards the back, making himself comfortable at the bar.
eddie’s heart shatters into a million pieces, watching open mouthed as you disappear into the back.
judging by the look on james’ face, he recognises him, reluctantly pouring his beer as they engage in useless small talk.
‘thought i’d better sit in for her shift.. wouldn’t want her running off again,’ the man announces, beady eyes glaring right into his soul.
eddie knows who he is. he’d never seen him before but he could tell. they all had that sinister aura about them, like they could flip at any given moment. his dad was the same, walking on egg shells around him just in case he said the wrong thing or looked at him the wrong way.
you emerge from the staff room, still vehemently avoiding eye contact, a shell of the you he saw just yesterday. ‘hey.. you okay?’ eddie asks, but it falls flat as you walk off without so much as a look back towards him.
he can’t believe it, how you could be so different so quickly. as if the past few weeks you’d spent together had meant nothing. he can’t blame you. not really. it’s a cycle and he knows better than anyone that it takes a thousand attempts to actually break out of it.
his shoulders slump as he rushes out the back, refusing to look at that assholes face any longer. willing himself to get a grip and not jump over that bar to strangle the piece of shit right now.
a hand clamps down on his shoulder and for a brief moment he thinks he might be you until james clears his throat, shuffling on his feet behind him, ‘you can’t save her man,’ squeezing his shoulder firmly, ‘you think we haven’t tried?’
eddie sniffs, shrugging him off. he didn’t appreciate the patronising tone in which james was speaking to him.
because god knows, if he couldn’t save his mom, there’s no fucking chance he’s not saving you.
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haknom · 5 months
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BLOSSOM — YANG JUNGWON
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pairing: enemy to crush-prince!jungwon x fem!reader
synopsis: wanting to confess to your enemy was never easy, especially when you both were too embarrassed to do so.
note: this was written like last month but i just never thought it was good 😭 // blossom by wei >>>
wordcount: 699 words // warnings: fluff, angst, and they’re both cowards and mean to each other.
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LIVING IN THE SAME PALACE AS YANG JUNGWON, THE PRINCE OF THE FAMILY YOUR MOTHER ASSISTED, WAS NEVER EASY.
He never failed to irk your soul even if he was only breathing. Everything about him was aggravating, mainly his personality. The two of you didn’t get along at the start of your stay in the palace in the first place—he hated the thought of living with so-called peasants.
He was a stuck-up brat who only cared about wealth and what his friends would think. They all went to a prestigious school with high standards. You did too, but you didn’t fit in—not one bit.
Every time you walked down the halls, you were given dirty looks or something even worse. Still, that didn’t bother you. You were never phased by the opinions of others. Only your thoughts about yourself mattered.
That also could be the reason why Jungwon began to like you—4 years later. Yes, he was annoyed by the thought of having to spend every day with you under the same roof as him but maturing was all he needed.
Constantly teasing you and making you feel as though he didn’t care for you was only stage one of the five stages of grief—denial.
He sat on the grassy floor in their garden while picking at the newly bloomed flowers. Growing up, he loved the garden. He loved watching everything grow from a seed into something beautiful.
So, of course, he thought that could distract him and his constant thoughts of you but it didn’t. Here he was picking flowers for a bouquet to give to someone who wouldn’t leave his mind.
Stage two—anger. He was angry. He wanted to forget about you and his feelings, he really did, but he couldn’t. Seeing you every day only made things even harder. His face flushed even at the sound of your name. You had him head over heels for you and you didn’t even know.
He was too distracted to even notice the sudden figure that joined him in his flower picking. So, maybe the distraction did work?
“Hey,” you greeted, tired of waiting for Jungwon to notice you first. “What do you want?” He asked in his usual harsh tone. You rolled your eyes, shrugging it off. “Are these the ones you planted a few weeks ago?” You asked, delicately caressing the flower petals.
“Why do you ask?” He questioned while dusting off the soil from the flower stems in his hands. “Just curious.” You carefully removed your hands from the petals, too afraid to damage anything, and brought your knees to your chest.
“What’s the occasion?” You asked once again as you stared at the progress of the bouquet in his hold. “Please, is that a gift for someone?” You teased, earning a glare from Jungwon.
“Don’t get too giddy, it’s not for you.” Lies. It was definitely for you. There was nobody else who made his head spin or made him experience feelings of butterflies in his stomach like the way you did.
“You must be crazy. I wasn’t looking forward to any gift from you. With that snotty little attitude, I’m sure nobody from school was looking forward to it either.” You spat. Another lie.
After at least a year or two with the Yangs, you began to feel different around Jungwon. It was an odd feeling, not one that many would experience so easily but somehow, you did. It wasn’t the best feeling.
Not being able to think straight or avoid fumbling over your words when you’re around a certain someone you previously claimed to hate wasn’t the best feeling either.
It was quite embarrassing, to say the least. Yet, it still happened to you. Not being able to maintain your composure when arguing with Jungwon sucked. He always felt a little bit of pride and a ton of guilt after your banters were over but couldn’t bring himself to apologize.
Why? The reason was mutual; you were both too embarrassed. You didn’t want to admit you were wrong about anything, you always had to be right. The same went for Jungwon.
No wonder you two couldn’t bring yourselves to confess to each other.
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PERM TAGLIST: @soov @redm4ri @ox1-lovesick @urszn @hanniluvi @dakkisz @dimplewonie @ddeonudepressions @xiaoderrrr @ja4hyvn @mmaplepastries @essmarye @w3bqrl @jennaissantes @yenqa @yeokii @yyunari @wvnkoi @strwberrydinosaur @gibbysupremeacyisreal @rikizm @teddywonss @simp4jongseong @whoschr @forjungwons @yizhoutv @yuviqik @itsactuallylina @hermitanatta
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youraverageaemondsimp · 9 months
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DÉPAYSEMENT // i.
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Summary: you had volunteered to parttake in a time travel experiment, thinking that this attempt would also fail just like the others but never giving up an opportunity to learn, so what happens when the experiment does end up successful? trapped in the period of the greatest civil war, you try to not interfere between those events while trying to figure out a way back hopelessly, until you bump into none another than Aemond targaryen.
Aemond targaryen x Modern!Fem!Reader
Warnings: none for this chapter but keep in mind that this is a 18+ fic cause this will contain mature themes and smut so minors please do not interact, changes in canon plot, kind of book!aemond(?)
also this is my first ever story, and my writing is really amateurish 😭 so please forgive me, + not proofread.
next ->
masterlist.
You had not realised what you were signing up for, when you volunteered for participating in a time travel experiment, eager to learn about how these experiments are conducted. All the previous experiments have failed, and this might too, or so you had thought.
Until you blinked and found yourself in an unknown place, a place all too familiar but also different at the same time, and it was only then it had dawned on you that the experiment was successful. Doom settled in your core, this wasn't what you had expected.
As you took in your surroundings you had realised how helpless you were in the situation, with no way to go back to your era unless they come to fetch you, surely they must've been surprised that it had worked and overjoyed but you just felt fear, hoping they would not abandon you and find a way to bring you back, till then all you have to do is avoid drawing attention.
It was more easier said than done, you noticed the confused stares of the commoners, they had simply assumed you came from another land due to your attire as they were uneducated, the backpack you carried, which thankfully came with you, had food, and slowly you were beginning to run out of it, you thought it would be okay since you had money.
But once again you realised that paper currency was not a thing, nor were your credit or debit cards, they were now just pieces of paper and plastic cards that had no use in this era. You might as well be considered a peasant now.
And just as you were strolling through the streets, you bump into someone running which causes you to stumble and fall along with the person who bumped into you, his cloak fell open and his short hair was revealed. You had immediately recognized the man, It was Aegon ii Targaryen.
He grunted and got up from the floor before he ran again, not even bothering to apologize to you first, you just brushed it off, deciding not to dwell on it too much as it was not your place, if you had assumed right, this would be the event when Aegon had ran away until he was caught by his brother, Aemond Targaryen.
During history lessons back in high school, you were taught about your nation's history, which included the Targaryens, they are still very much alive and prominent in the modern world too, but not as rulers since the days of monarchy came to an end. Yet now it's odd to see how different they are.
A few moments have passed since your last encounter with Aegon, you had realised you ended up in Lanes of Silk Street as you noticed how the attire of the women had changed, revealing more of their skin and legs. And that's when you notice a person wearing a hooded cloak and another dressed in common attire strolling down the lanes, you obviously were able to recognize aemond, the cloak making it obvious that he's hiding his hair and the most noticeable thing of him, his eyepatch.
You had hoped they had not noticed your presence and foreign attire as you looked down and went past them, thinking you made it safely you let out a sigh of relief, way too loudly than you intended to. Which caught the attention of Aemond and he turned to look at you.
“Stop right there.” you heard him say which made you freeze up in your spot and you turned to look at him, he looked at you questioningly before he moved and stopped in front of you, the brown haired man follows him before whispering in his ear, telling aemond that they don't have any time to waste on you.
He nods before giving you a questioning look and making his way back again, you had let a false sense of safety come over you, thinking that he would never find you again, that you can escape and that these encounters had changed nothing, why would they? They were just minor interactions after all.
How wrong you were.
The butterfly effect is real.
Small changes leading to bigger impact in the complex system.
You bumping into Aegon had delayed him, and Aemond has caught him way quicker than he was meant to, changes in time intervals shouldn't affect anything right? I mean, what is wrong with Aemond catching Aegon quicker than intended?
Everything was wrong with that.
You see, disturbance in time can lead to everything spiralling out of control. And you were indirectly or directly the cause of it.
That's how you found yourself in this situation, with Aemond Targaryen holding you hostage, catching Aegon quicker had left Aemond with more than enough time on his hands to pursue after you, and he had caught you.
“So, tell me. Why is it that you sighed out of relief earlier?” He questioned as he had you kneeled in front of him, seriously? all of this because you sighed? your brows furrowed. “Is there something wrong sighing?” you asked annoyed.
“There isn't but... Considering your attire, the way you tensed up when you saw me and cole, and then sighing out of relief when we passed you is enough to draw suspicions, and it seemed you had recognized me too, considering how you looked down.” He explains.
Oh fuck this guy for being so observant.
You didn't have anything to say for yourself, you fucked up big time, you should've taken the other lane and not went past them, it all seems like a cruel play the gods have subjected you to.
Maybe that's what you get for bending physics, and defying the laws of nature.
You thought this was your end, dying by the hands of Aemond Targaryen, and you braced yourself for it, you were stuck here anyways, with no way to go back, so dying might not be a bad idea, you had mentally prepared yourself, thinking how you lived a good life.
But then he says something unexpected.
“You're coming with me.” he says before tugging you off your knees and pulling you with him, you were confused, was he not going to kill you? why is he taking you?
And just like that you were taken to the red keep, imprisoned in the dungeons while aegon got crowned above.
And for the first time in a long time, you felt genuine fear, not like the one when you first landed here. You had tried to ignore it and cope with living in this era, taking it lightly to not stress yourself out, to remain calm, to remain nonchalant to each and every situation, hoping that someone or anyone from your time will return to take you back, believing that everything will be fine.
Only now, inside of the dungeon, shivering from the cold, with an empty stomach and messed up attire had you realised the weight of the situation.
You weren't afraid of death, no.
Otherwise you wouldn't have braced yourself to die at the hands of Aemond.
No. What you were really afraid of was the uncertainty and what's to come. You knew what would happen. It's the feelings of knowing everything but also nothing that is eating you on the inside out, you knew how everything would play out, but now with your involvement, you were unsure.
The sound of footsteps broke you out of your thoughts as you looked at the owner of the noise, the dungeons door opened and he stepped inside, you glared at him and he just looked at you amused.
“We did not have the time to get acquainted.” Aemond says make you almost scoff. Acquainted my ass, you think, he literally imprisoned you.
“So now, where were we? You may speak.” he says, hands behind his back as he leans back on his right leg, his left leg jutting out.
Do you tell him? Explain to him what actually happened? Would he believe you? Why you were here? How you knew the future?
“You wouldn't believe me, even if I tried.” you say and he raises an eyebrow at that before humming “Hmm, it depends on what you say.”
“Let me go, and I will never cross paths with you again, please.” you beg hoping he'd consider the idea. “No.” he simply says and it leaves you baffled.
“What?” you ask in disbelief, “I said no, I shan't need to repeat myself again.” he says.
“Bro, please you literally have no use of me, just let me go, or at least kill me.” you say annoyed, he furrows his eyebrows at the word ‘bro’
“I am not your brother, how dare you, a stranger, associate yourself with me?” he says and literally fight the urge to face palm, you forgot that you aren't in your era.
“I'm sorry my bad, I shall learn not to do it again.” you tried your best to mimic it, he just raised his eyebrows, “Interesting.” he notes and you look at him questioningly. “What's ‘interesting’ if I may ask.” you mock.
“How we both speak the common tongue, yet it rolls off your tongue quite clumsily. You are not from here, or rather, from a different existence.” You tried your best to control your expressions of shock because of the way he hit the jackpot right then there.
Would he believe you if you told him?
“I-” before you could begin, a guard comes to inform Aemond that his mother had requested his presence, that it was something regarding gaining their allies.
Your eyes widened, you know what this meant.
The death of Lucerys Velaryon
Which inevitably started the war.
Aemond didn't fail to notice the shocked look on your face, he was observant after all.
What do you do? Do you tell him? Do you try to prevent it? Or let it happen? This was a major event which will set the events of the future sway, but this is also a reality you would be living in now.
Everything could go horribly wrong or incredibly right, your interference had already led things astray, and you knew that it would continue to do so. Because you were not meant to be here.
“Don't—” you choke out when Aemond turns to leave, he stops turning to look at you, head tilting, you take a deep breath. “Don't chase after him.” you say which causes Aemond to furrow his eyebrows in confusion.
“Lucerys Velaryon, Do not chase him.” This only made him more confused as to why you are mentioning Lucerys, Why would he chase him? All these questions left unasked when the guard rushed Aemond to go meet his mother.
You just sat there as you watched him lock the dungeon door, wondering what will happen, you had not revealed anything too major, just an advice, questioning whether he'll take it or not. Whether you can prevent the death of Lucerys.
But, what would happen if you did? and what would happen if you didn't? you had no idea, do you save them from unnecessary bloodshed or let it happen? So it goes the same way it did in history.
While you were lost in your thoughts, Aemond had reached the council room, where everyone was present, discussing and his mother looked at him before the meeting begin.
“Aemond will fly to storm's end to secure the alliance of House baratheon.” his mother suggests, “How so?” one of the members ask
“By proposing a marriage, Lord baratheon has four daughters, Aemond can betroth one of them.” she says and aemond nods.
It was a strategic plan, marrying into house baratheon isn't as bad, and aemond would perform his duty, to once again prove to his mother that he was her perfect son.
But, your words kept ringing like a bell in the back of his head, ‘Do not chase him.’ what were you saying exactly? He was snapped out of his thoughts by his mother, the room was empty now, only leaving him and mother, she came and held him at the arms.
“Are you alright?” she asks and he simply nods, she gives him a tight lipped smile before they part ways, his footsteps carry him towards the path leading to the dungeons, almost as if there was magnetic force pulling him towards you.
That's until he spots helaena, wondering what she's doing here, he goes up to her, “Sister.” he greets her, and she gives him a small smile, “What are you doing in this direction?” he asks directly.
“I'm not sure, my feet bought me here as I was wandering around, I think I might have gotten off track.” she sighs, and he hums, then he notices her zone out, the way she always had when she had things shown to her, she was a dreamer, Aemond had known. It was confirmed after he lost his eye on that fateful night.
Although it is quite tough to decipher the words.
“Not belonging here, a soul misplaced, shall be the saviour.”
“A change of fates.”
“All rewritten.”
She says before blinking and Aemond parrots her blinking, lost in his thoughts trying to decipher what she means, she quickly excuses herself before Aemond could ask anymore questions.
A change to fates? All rewritten? A saviour?
Your words and His sisters words plagued his mind to no end.
A soul misplaced.
——
TAGLIST <3
@sassysaxsolo @jaime-in-flannel @namelesslosers @itsabby15 @snh96
Bold is who I cannot tag! If you wanna be removed from the taglist, pls DM!
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yandereheathen · 6 months
Text
The Boss's Plaything [18+ Ateez Yandere Hoongjoong x Fem Reader]
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Paring: Yandere Hoongjoong x Fem Reader
Yandere songhwa x Reader if you squint at the end. Warnings: Yandere dark themes!! NSFW Non-con, Mentions of hurting other people, jealousy, voyeurism. Choking, knee grinding, no protection (BAD) Disclaimer: This in no way reflects any of the real Ateez members. This is my own fan content :> I also do not endorse these kind of relationships. Enjoy with your own mental heath in mind <3 Word count: 2.5k "You know what they say about Office romance."
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Working for Kim Hongjoong was an experience. Long days, short deadlines, and odd requests were quite normal. However, the pay was terrific, along with the benefits. Also, you had the fortunate situation of studying and being best friends with him before his creation and rise of the Cromer Corp. You, him, and Songhwa were good friends. You and he naturally followed Hongjoong after schooling to help him with his dreams. He was ruthless but hard-working, and you knew this company was his whole life, and you wanted nothing more than to see him grow and achieve that.
So, you started your day seemingly like any other. 5:30am Two americanos, one black with extra ice for him, the further your own with cream and sugar. You liked things sweet. 
Little did you know, so did he.
You called up the elevator to his high-end apartment, going through your phone and seeing the schedule for today. Meetings, some project updates, and, of course, The Halazia Party. You and Hwa had been running ragged along with the other branch heads. Well, mostly, you had to keep Woo and San more to task than the others. 
You have gotten along very well with the other branch members. All brilliant in their rights, you always felt a little out of place. You know the lower associate whispered that you didn't quit having the background or shine they did and that you had only gotten this position due to your friendship. First, do your best to ignore those and work as hard as possible. You never wanted to bother Hongjoong with that stuff. 
You opened the door with your hip, put the coffee down at his desk, and opened the blinds, looking around his office. It was just like him. It was clean but had a carefully cultured style. Everything in the room had meaning. Small, expensive gifts were the case from investors, and his awards and degrees were also put in specific positions on the counters around the room. Only one thing was slightly out of place. You pick it up from the right side of his desk. A picture Hwa had taken of both of you in school. You were laughing at something happening on screen, and Hongjoong had a rare small smile on his face, looking up at you. Not that he didn't smile. He had the charming smile he saved for clients or investors and his "demon face" when he put someone in their place. This was a smile you didn't see often, but you caught glimpses. 
Only when looking at you.
"Y/N. I see your habit of coming in unannounced still going strong."
You smile to yourself, turning. Hongjoong was already dressed impeccably. His hair spilled black and bleached and slightly slicked back. A sly played on his lips, looking you up and down. To check if you are dressed appropriately, of course. He was so particular about fashion.
Boy, did that skirt he had bought you hug your curves.
"Yeah, well, I want to ensure you had sun and coffee for when you got in. It is a big day."
You beam at him, but he sits, taking a sip of his coffee and looking at his computer but still giving you glances.
"We do. Have you and Songhwa finalized the food, venue, and security?"
You nod and start listing off confirmations and any other information that he would need to know. Emails he needs to answer or reminders.
You worked so hard for him. Even since school, what you lacked in pure born talent you made up with hard work, determination, and empathy. He loved to see how hard you tried for him. To impress your best friend turned boss. It more than stroked his delusional ego. You were his best project, along with Cromer Corp, of course. A sweet, nervous girl, pure and so tentative. It was easy to fall for you and keep you in his clutches. Hongjoong has liked to collect things ever since he was young, whether it be things, money, or people. 
His carefully created branch members and brand. You and Songhwa are the jewels. Park Seonghwa, someone who he found was the only person to match him, a perfect right-hand man for all aspects of his business. Even the more unsavory parts that you didn't know about. Then there was you, Y/N. The sugar in this recipe. His one guilty pleasure. Something to be carefully shaped and modeled into his perfect little plaything.
Tonight, he was going to take that next step.
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"I don't want to wear this. It will look silly. It looks like a collar."
You frown at Songhwa as he helps you zip up your dress. He bites his lip, eyeing the leather in your hand. He knew, of course, that Songhwa knew everything about his boss. 
Things he had helped Hongjoong with. The threats of the people who wanted to talk to you in school, then the carried-out threats on the people that threatened his friend's careful little relationship. There was one part of him. The empathetic human part that made him squirm thinking about it was the blood and screams. However, he knew he was no different. He liked the neat little world Hongjoong and Y/N had with the other members. He also would do anything to keep that peace. Even if it meant dooming you to your part in his plan.
"It is fashionable Y/N. You know he will throw a fit."
He takes it, slipping it over your neck, fixing the latch so it is tight but uncomfortable. He glances at the ceiling, a slight shine of a camera only seen by the tall man. He gives it a quick look:
"Are you watching? This is what you wanted, isn't it, Sir."
You smile, greeting the guests, trying to hide your slight annoyance. For the event, Hongjoong liked to dress you and all of the members. Typically, he had you in a simple but still conservative outfit. This was not the case. A tight red dress is lined with lace dancing around your hips and chest. The leather band with a latch in the back and a tiny hourglass charm in the front only made you feel more self-conscious. 
You took a sip of your wine in your glass, waved over by Jongho and Mingi, sitting at a far table. Both dress smartly, of course, but with their own personalities shined in. Jongho had a more straightforward, classic fitting for the head of HR, while Mingi had more colors and tight pants showing his old legs, perfect for the marketing head. You flop in the chair next to them, fanning yourself. 
"Thanks for calling me over. I need a break just for a moment before I do my rounds on the other side."
"Joong, has you rubbing around in a dress like that? he must be crazy. Minji winks at you.
You roll your eyes.
"Yea, yea, I know I look ridiculous in this. I don't know what Hongjoong is thinking."
you pick at the dress, painfully aware of any "flaws" it shows.
"I don't think that is what he meant, Y/N."
The younger man sips his drink, looking into your eyes with a ... knowing look? What was that about? 
You playfully hit him, standing up and stretching. You feel a hand sneaking around your waist, pulling you to his side; you let out a small yelp.
"There she is. I have been looking all over for you. I need help with something."
You look at the handsome face of Hongjoong. He is dressed to the nines like always in a front tye suit, the inner shirt matching your own dress, a pocket square of the same lace in his front pocket. His mouth pulled into an odd smirk, his eyes lingering below your chin. You don't haul away used to his closeness by now. Hongjoong always said he liked to be more hands-on with things.
He really did enjoy handling his "things."
"I was just taking a short break. Did the Reps from Stay Offices come yet. I know Chan and Bin said they would-"
Hongjoong ran his finger on your chin and traveled lightly with his nimble gloved fingers to the collar, tugging it ever so slightly.
"This looks good on you, Y/N. It really suits you."
Your ears got warm as you met his eye, not pulling away in embarrassment. 
"Is this some joke calling me your pet, huh? I get enough slack from the associates."
You laugh light-heartedly, but he doesn't match you playing with the small charm eyes cold.
"I told you to tell me if anyone was giving you trouble, Y/N I would handle them."
Mingei and Jogho cough, getting up and waving at you. 
"That is our cue to head out and schmooze. You both have fun~"
Mingi winks again, and Jongho looks at you slightly. Was that worry? You just brushed it off, turning back to your boss.
"It is fine. Harmless teasing, I promise I am a big girl. You don't need to take care of me so much. I am supposed to do that for you!"
You smile, holding his face and rubbing his cheek lightly. His whole body seemed to soften at your touch, but he pulled away quickly, looking around, making sure none of his business partners had seen this moment. You weren't ready yet, after all.
"Y/N. Can you come with me quickly? I need to speak to you about something."
You tilt your head, letting go and crossing your arms in front of your chest.
"Are you sure? People are still-"
"This can not wait."
You already have made him wait too long.
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You walk into his office, slightly nervous. You run through your head everything that needs to be done. The food tasted and perfect, you triple-checked every guest. What could-
"You look beautiful, Y/N."
He steps forward, cornering you to his desk, putting his hand on it, boxing you in, and smiling at you.
This was a new smile, almost.
Predatory. his black eye held something more than the softness or anger. 
"Well, the dress you picked out was perfect, as always. Was this all you needed to"
He cuts you off again, pulling you by the leather collar onto his pouty lips, his other hand pulling you against him. He lets a soft moan into your mouth, a release almost as you feel his hand grope your backside and something poke your leg.
Your brain goes a mile a minute. Shock, confusion, anger, and something else mixed inside you. You try to pull away, but he grabs you harder, forcing his tongue into your mouth and mixing his saliva with yours. You continue to struggle, but it seems to only strengthen his grip. After another minute of young wreaking in your mouth, he pulls his mouth away just so slightly to gently kiss the top of your ear.
"That's a good plaything. Y/N, you were waiting for this, weren't you."
You quickly shake your head, face and ears hot.
"Hongjoong, a-are you drunk or something that's going on?"
He only laughs, his knee sliding up between your legs, rubbing the soft fabric of your clothes sex.
"Halazia can mean Hearts awakened Y/N. I chose tonight to awaken your heart and mind to your rightful place. Next to me. Forever."
He nuzzles into your neck, kissing it lightly, knee rubbing faster; you let out a whimper, hands on his chest, and you try to push away from him.
"Hongjoong, please, I don't; you are my boss. We are best friends. Let's go back to the party. You must have been drinking too much."
Hongjoong rows into your shoulder, pushing you onto his desk, the objects painfully cutting into your back. He stands between your legs, rutting into between your legs, his eyes lidded and breathing heavily.
"I don't think so, Y/N. I have let you simmer long enough. It is time for my meal. You. Are. Mine."
He rips up your dress roughly, pulling down the thin fabric of your panties. You scream, but it is cut short by another kiss. Even rougher this time mixed with whispers of.
"That's a good girl."
and 
"Look nice and wet for your Sir already, are you."
Your brain screams for him to stop, but your body heats up, enjoying the feeling of his fingers rubbing your clit gently as her ravages your mouth. He pulls away, leaving you rambling and light-headed, before undoing his pants and rubbing the top of his cock on your slit.
"How long I have waited for this day, Y/N. You have no idea. You were teasing. The frustrated night, the people I had to hurt to keep you my perfect plaything. All min now."
Before you can question him, he trusts you. Thanks to his fingers, your body was prepared, not your mind. This was Hongjoong, who you loved like a best friend whom you followed, loved, and supported your whole adult life. You had no idea he had these feelings and weren't sure you liked them. 
You fought his thrusts in vain. He was too strong, and the adrenaline of finally fucking the love of his life only boosted that his lips found your chest young, hungrily licking around your sensitive bud. You wiggle under him, trying your best not to call out in pleasure that was coming in waves from your core. He stood up, egged on by your little noises.
"That's it. You are taking me so well, Y/N. Look at how perfectly your little pussy fits around me. Take it, take me inside of you, let me fill you with all my cum. Let me fill your womb that is begging for my seed. My precious little plaything."
He closes his hand around your throat, resiting your air as he mercilessly pounds into you, the object cutting your skin. With repeated motions, he lets out a hiss as he pours inside you.
"F-fuck, that's it, take it. Take it like the good object you are."
You bite into your lip, drawing out blood. The metallic taste mixes with his taste in your mouth. as your body betrays you. His love filling your already sore and abused pussy is too much. Everything was already too much. His confession, anger, and mark on my heart, body, and soul. You could only mutter out jibberish as you lay on his desk, the picture of both of you beside your arm.
He grinds into you, taking out his phone to take another picture. He could also frame this one but keep it on his desk, and then he would have to send it to Songhwa to give him a better angle after all. He waves at the small red light his other assistant thought he didn't know about hiding on the shelf. 
"You will enjoy your new position with me, Y/N. I will make sure of it."
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Author note: *Cries* this was a heck in a half I am not great with real people, but the great Kpop Yandere writers have been such an inspiration for me I wanted to try <3 Thank you for your support :> reminder my asks and requests are open!
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strniohoeee · 4 months
Note
Can I request a Matt x childhood friend reader, like I’m talking since diapers. But like everyone knows they like each other I’m talking EVERYONE 😭. But they’re both oblivious asf.
Oblivion
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Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader
Synopsis: Y/N could not fathom the idea of being in love with Matt. It’s been shoved down her throat by her mother her whole life, and she’s never agreed. But one night she starts to think, and things take a turn🌙
Warnings⚠️: NONEEEEE, hope you enjoy tho🫂
Song for the imagine: Mind Over Matter- Young the Giant
You know you’re on my mind?
And if the world don’t break
I’ll be shakin it
Cause I’m a young man after all
Being an only child makes some people think you have it hard. You know since there’s no one you can really run to other than your parents. However I’d beg to differ.
I have been friends with the triplets and their brother Justin since I was in a diaper. Our moms being friends since high school really made it nice for us. It was an automatic built in friendship.
We had a lot of play dates since I had no siblings and no immediate family my age. I looked at them as my brothers and Justin as an older brother.
Our childhood was so fun, often going up to the Cape with them for the summer since my parents had to work. I never ever felt alone. Occasionally bored when they went on a vacation my parents didn’t let me go on, but still never a dull moment.
Matt and I got the closest since we shared similar interests, but also we felt like the odd ones out. Most times sticking with each other because Nick and Chris had their own group of friends we didn’t really like to hang around with.
My mothers always told me Matt was my soulmate whether it was romantically or platonically. She always said I gravitated towards him the most since we could crawl. I often cringed at this statement because he was like my brother.
I think I gravitated towards him the most because we liked a lot of the same things, and we were more reserved than Nick and Chris. We’d always get the same gifts because well like I said, we liked the same things. After a while our parents only got us one thing we’d both liked so we could share. Like vinyls for our record players, movies, CDs, and even accessories like hats and even rings.
I didn’t think Matt was my soulmate per say, especially not romantically. I mean sure I had a crush on all three of them at one point, but that’s totally normal. I got over it quickly. I even had a crush on Justin, and he’s 7 years older than us. I mean what’s not to like? He was a cool 17 year old with nice clothes, a cool bike and a new phone. To even be in his presence made me nervous. But like I said I got over those crushes quickly.
By the time we got to high school I’d say I never thought of any of them in a romantic way. They were gross teenage boys and I looked at them as stinky brothers. Matt had a lot of trouble attending school, so we didn’t hang out much till we all got home.
I found myself looking for him in the hallways, at lunch and even next to me when the seat was empty. I felt like I started to like him again, but quickly those feelings died down when I had a fair share of experiences with some boys at our school.
Matt really hated the guys I talked to, and I wasn’t sure why. By senior year we had our first argument over a guy I was dating. He told me he’d hurt me and use me, and I was so blind to it that we got into a fight. I didn’t speak to them that whole summer, and to my surprise that guy was a complete asshole like Matt said he was.
I went to a local college while the triplets focused on their YouTube career. After that summer ended I decided to make up with Matt because I really missed my best friend. I swear best friend breakups are worse than breaking up with a significant other.
We were all 18 and living our best lives as the four again. Spending every second of every day together. I tagged along with them while they filmed and did some things around the city.
I had finally gone home after being at their house for 2 weeks straight. Going from campus to their house and back stopping at my house to shower and change, but that was about it.
“Holy shit she’s home” I heard my dad say as I closed the front door
“I know I know the celebrities back home” I said nodding my head
“Where have you been?” My mom asked laughing
“Well to school and then the triplets and then back to school” I said
“I’m about to tell Mary Lou to let you stay there and charge you rent” my dad said
“Ahaha veryyyy funny” I said sitting down across from them
“You and Matt seem to be doing good” my mother said
“Yeah we’re good now” I replied back
“Sooo did you admit your feelings to him yet?” My mom asked
“Feelings?” I said furrowing my brows
“Yeah…you like the kid and he likes you it’s pretty obvious” my dad said laughing
“I don’t like him, and he doesn’t like me we’re just friends” I said crossing my arms over my chest
“Mmm I don’t know about that he seems like a love sick puppy” my mom said
“Yeah whatever” I said laughing
“Even their mom says it. Just confess already you guys are madly in love” she said
“What? Mom don’t be crazy” I said shaking my head
“You better admit to these feelings soon because that boys following you around like a guy under a love spell” my dad said
“You guys are being insane I’m going to bed” I said rubbing my temples
I went to my room and laid in my bed. My hands crossed over my stomach as I fiddled with my thumbs.
In love? No I couldn’t be.
Matt is my best friend, and that’s all.
Well I mean…..he is really handsome, sweet, and funny even though he says he’s boring which he isn’t. He’s super caring, always putting others above him.
He’s always there for me, he loves watching chick flicks with me and reading sad love stories. He loves my poetry that I write, always helping me make it better…..
I mean I couldn’t like him….right?
But then I started thinking
Friends don’t offer you their jacket if you’re cold, they don’t hold your shoes for you when your feet hurt, they don’t pick you up in the middle of the night because you’re sad, they don’t take you on Long Beach walks at night, or take you out to eat and pay EVERYTIME……..they definitely don’t watch romance movies and read sad romance books when you know they hate it. I mean, could he like me back??
No of course not, don't be irrational Y/N….hes just a very very nice friend is all.
My heart started to race and my breathing quickened. I shot up in my bed and looked into the darkness of my room.
Was I in love with Matthew?
The boy who would wipe his nose on me
The boy who would trip me to make his brothers laugh
The boy who would walk by and steal some food from my plate
The boy who would crack a joke and look at me to see if I’d laugh
The boy who waited for me in the rain when I was fighting with my ex
The boy who made me smile
The boy who made me look for him in everything I did
Holy shit…..
I AM IN LOVE??? WHAT THE FUCK???
I began to panic because of course I had boyfriends, but that was because I was bored. I’ve never loved a guy I dated
But for some reason I am in love with Matthew?
Cursing myself out internally because my mom was correct, and so was Mary Lou.
Suddenly my thoughts stopped when I heard something hit my window.
I jumped up from my bed and slowly walked over to my window when small pebbles hit the glass again causing me to flinch.
I looked out the window and to my surprise I saw Matt standing in my lawn??
Was this a cheesy 80s film? Where’s his boombox? And the stupid sunglasses?
I opened my window
“Matt it’s 1AM what are you doing here?” I said in a whisper
“I was bored” he said back
“You were bored? You could’ve texted me” I said raising an eyebrow
“Well yeah…” he said scratching the back of his neck
“Tell me the real reason you’re here” I said giggling
“I also miss you” he said smiling like a dork
“Miss me? Matt you’ve never said you missed me a day in your life” I said leaning on my palms as I look down at him
“Yeah I know, but I don’t know I just have been seeing you for so long that I guess I just really miss your presence” he said laughing a bit
“I’m loving this little Romeo and Juliet moment we’re having” I said laughing
“Oh shut up you know you missed me too” he said trying to throw pebbles up at me
“Mmm I’m not too sure” I said shrugging my shoulders
“And you left your lip gloss in my room” he said digging in his pocket
“That could be one of your girlfriends” I said laughing
“What? No….there's never girls in my room but you” he said pulling the lip gloss out
“Mmm how do I know you’re not lying” I said
“You’re the only girl I know who has used this same exact strawberry lip gloss since we were in 7th grade” he said showing me the gloss
“Alright you win” I said rolling my eyes
“And I never bring girls home” he said again
“I got the point Matthew just say you’re in love with me already” I said laughing playfully
“Not if the feeling isn’t mutual” he blurted out
“What?” I said shocked
“You heard me… Y/N I have been in love with you since we were 10, and if all my gestures haven’t made it possible. Then me standing out here on your lawn embarrassing myself at trying to say I love you better work. If I have to scream it to the world I will” he said swallowing thickly
“I….I” I could not form a sentence
“I’m sorry….this was wrong oh so wrong” he said shaking his head and turning around
I backed away from the window and ran down the steps to my front door.
I swung the door open and walked out and saw Matt walking away back to his car.
“Matthew! Don’t go” I said loudly
He turned around and looked at me stopping in his tracks
“I have been ignoring this feeling for far too long. Everyone around me is telling me how I feel and how you feel about me. I was so scared to open my eyes and realize that you may have been the one for me since forever. I never sat down and thought about it until tonight. When I replayed many interactions in my head. And I couldn’t wrap my head around why I’ve never loved any of my past boyfriends, and that’s because Matthew I’m so madly in love with you” I said breathing heavily
Matt walked over to me and crashed our lips together. I won’t lie, I have kissed plenty of guys before, but I’ve never enjoyed the kisses. I’ve never gotten butterflies or felt my face flush with heat. It had always been matt and it took me so long to realize.
His lips disconnected from mine as his thumb ran over my cheek staring into my eyes.
“I always wondered how many more time I had to watch The Notebook with you before you realized I was so in love” he said laughing
“Oh shut up” I said rolling my eyes and laughing
“God I’m just so in love with you” he said looking at me
I began to blush and looked away
“Will you be my girlfriend?” He suddenly asked me
My eyes snapped to his and my heart began to beat faster
“Yes Matt, yes I will” I said smiling
He smiled at this too and crashed our lips together once more.
That night I snuck Matt into my bedroom, and had a feeling that wouldn’t be the last time I’d do that.
We spent the night watching The Notebook and talking while we cuddled into each other's arms eventually falling asleep.
How could we both be so oblivious this whole time?
The End
I hope you guys enjoyed this one🥹🤞🏽. I’m at 1,410 followers which is MADNESS?? Like what???? I love yall so freaking much🥺🖤🖤
-J💅🏽
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Text
Accidental Confessions
REQUEST: I FINALLY THOUGHT OF MY REQUEST May I request Azul, Jade and Riddle getting high because of mushrooms for some unknown reason and confessing to a gn reader bc their ability to stay composed just went completely out the window? It's more of a fluff/crack idea I came up with, sorry if it's not too clear @thehollowwriter
SUMMARY: When the usually cool and composed guys accidentally confess due to... Some interesting foods. WORD COUNT: 1.3k
WARNINGS: Mushrooms (need I say anything else), maybe OOC, Jade and Floyd and Azul shenanigans, they may act like they're under the influence of drugs (no actual drugs in the story though!!), these poor guys (please give them hugs), Ace is chaos A/N: Me, trying to make sure I get everything right: *types in Google* "what happens when you get high" on my school computer Don't do drugs guys :D (I would've said kids but I'm like 96% sure that most of the people reading my fics are in fact older than me) I love how I finished this a while ago and then was like "I'm gonna add a bit more to the end" and it was only like a paragraph- Azul is my favorite, you can see from how much I write for him </3 Also I love fluff and crack, I enjoy writing it the most! Feel free to send more requests like these <3
© kazumiwrites - All rights reserved; please do not steal, edit, copy, repost (etc) my work without my express permission.
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Azul Ashengrotto
You know, Azul should have known better.
Jade always went out and got some mushrooms on his hikes, and he seemed pretty confident that he knew the different types of mushrooms.
But one single mistake - a mushroom similar enough to a perfectly fine edible one - and now he felt woozy.
Great.
It wasn't an unpleasant experience - he felt happy in that dreamy way, where you weren't able to comprehend much. But he knew this was bad.
What if he got addicted? That would ruin all his plans for his future. He needed to have a clear head.
He really should've been resting, but unfortunately, Floyd had ran off (most likely so he didn't have to be near the mushrooms). Due to that, Mostro Lounge needed an extra pair of hands.
So when he saw you, he immediately was on guard as much as he could be. Who knows what he could let slip when you were so close, and his thinking wasn't at its best…
He tried to avoid you, but unfortunately (again? Why were so many bad things happening to him today?) you sat at the table closest to him.
He had to go up to you and take your order. Your sweet smile almost made him melt, a soft flush on his cheeks as he just nodded quietly, jotting your order down.
You thought it was odd - Azul was usually the type to chat people up, try to get as much of a profit in as possible - but today was different. It made you a bit worried, honestly.
As you asked if he was all right, Azul's eyes widened.
His mind went blank, and the only words that left his lips were, "Sorry, you were just really cute, and I-" He froze as he realized the words he said, trying to backtrack, but he couldn't think right. "I mean, I just thought your smile was- you- I-" He shook his head slightly. "Forget it," he said, hands shaking slightly out of embarrassment as he turned and walked away.
As Jade had been watching and listening to the interaction, he quickly made your order before handing it to Azul (who had been hoping for some rest behind the counter before seeing you). Jade was saying something about how Azul really needed to be quicker with processing orders - Azul was pretty sure that Jade knew about his feelings toward the Prefect of Ramshackle Dorm.
Azul sighed softly before trudging back to you, the food and drink you ordered held in a tray. "There you go."
As you inquired about what his previous words had been about, he saw the teasing glint in your eyes.
Did you know?
"It was nothing- I just like you a-" A slip of the tongue. Damn it. He hadn't meant to say that. He quickly backed away before almost sprinting to the VIP Room, his cheeks flushed a bright red. He almost ran into the doorframe though (which Jade may or may not have taken a picture of).
Bonus:
"I told you that Azul likes you a lot." Jade smiled, a small glint of his teeth showing. "Did you plan this?" "Jade might've given Azul an unusual mushroom~" That sing-songy voice had to be Floyd's. "I knew it." You rolled your eyes a little. "That was cute, though. Although your method might have been a little mean. Poor Azul." "You can go talk to him after you enjoy your meal." Jade smiled at you. "And Floyd, you haven't had anything to eat. Perhaps you would like one of the mushroom soups I've made?" "No- I've had enough of your mushrooms." A soft whine came out of the other tweel's lips. "But maybe Koebi-chan wants some?" "Thanks for the offer, but I probably should go to Azul as soon as possible." You laughed softly. "There's no telling what's happening to him right now, after all."
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Jade Leech
Jade had a heavy mishap on his hands. He had gone a bit overboard with picking his mushrooms, and then Floyd had gone and messed with his careful labeling.
And then he didn't check the contents and labels thoroughly before he put them into a little snack for himself.
So now here he was, stumbling to Ramshackle Dorm for no reason in particular.
It was a wonder how he hadn't stumbled off the path, what with the hallucinations he was seeing.
He stumbled inside (luckily the door wasn't locked), quickly moving to your room.
At first you thought he was Floyd due to how off he was acting. But nope, that was definitely Jade.
"Jade?" Your eyes were wide as you stared at the male. "What are you doing here?"
"I love youuuuu." Well, that was a surprise.
Now you were really wondering if this wasn't Floyd. It sounded like something he would say.
As the tall male draped himself over you, you awkwardly tried to get both of you comfortable on the small chair. It was no use, however, as you toppled off of your chair and onto the ground.
You let out a soft huff, staring up at Jade who had fallen on top of you. How fun…
He seemed to have fallen asleep, relaxed on top of you. Well, at least he didn't seem to have gotten hurt.
You awkwardly patted his hair as you gave up trying to move. The floor was uncomfortable… But you could bear it, you didn't want to stop looking at Jade's sleeping face.
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Riddle Rosehearts
Ace, the prankster he was, had put in an insane amount of sugar in some cookies he was making. He had then given the cookies to Riddle.
The unsuspecting Riddle had accepted the cookies, feeling a bit confused. Why was Ace making cookies…? No matter.
He was starting to eat some of the cookies when you had been brought to the Heartslabyul dorm (totally not by force).
You were also confused, and for good reason. Ace was saying something about pranking his housewarden, but to be honest? What reason did he have for calling you here?
You were pretty sure it was just so Ace didn't get punished. He didn't want to keep getting in trouble, after all. Though, the rational thought would be to not prank Riddle at all… But oh well.
"Hey, Riddle," you said, feeling a bit uncertain. You smiled a little at the male.
"Oh- hi, kantokusei." The red-haired male blinked at you, looking confused.
"Yeah, so- Ace dragged me here? I don't really know why, but-"
He paused for a heartbeat before replying. "I don't know why he brought you here either." He sighed softly, shaking his head.
"Well…" You shrugged awkwardly. "Are those cookies any good?" You gestured vaguely towards the plate in front of him.
"They're too sweet." Riddle frowned a little. "Ace has no delicacy in doing these things, he thinks more is always better."
You let out a soft laugh. "Sounds like him." Just as you reached for a cookie, his hand brushed past yours.
He froze, cheeks flushing adorably. All the sugar in his system was making his heart race and not be focused on what he was thinking.
Before he could even question it, he grabbed your hands. "…I like you a lot." he got out before freezing yet again, hands still holding yours. Why had he said that?
Little did either of you know, Ace was wheezing behind the closed door. He had put in a small little potion, nothing major, that caused a person to say what they felt to the person they liked. He had gotten it from Azul, and it clearly had worked.
The deal had been worth it to get blackmail on his housewarden. Now, if only he could somehow use this to get rid of Riddle as housewarden and all of his strict rules… That would be great. Maybe he could even actually win?
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