My god, Disney+ is the most infuriating streaming site, I cannot believe it. It errors 99% of the time. It tells me to clear cache and data to fix. And once I do, it can't even let me log back in. I have 30 days of testing the service. Are they fucking out of their minds that I would ever pay for this service.
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but just can’t let chuuya go entirely
Who’s gonna tell this loser they’re not reading a YA cringe romance and a seinen manga with important themes of abuse and self esteem
You know, I wasn’t gonna respond to this because these asks have been silly to begin with, but I think I will. I can tell that you are really passionate about this story. That you really care about this character, and they mean a lot to you.
But it also sucks to see you taking that care and molding it into anger that you direct towards other people. How exhausting must it be to spend all this time attacking others for something they are trying to enjoy? How can you enjoy it yourself when all you do is spread conflict around you?
Yes, this story is one that deals with important themes of abuse and self esteem. But it is also one that deals with kindness and forgiveness, and the importance of the bonds and relationships you make with others, and how they help and support you to move forwards.
Spaces like this are made for people to connect, to share ideas and artwork and writings and music and just bask in the joy of creation and community. It’s ok to have different ideas and opinions than the people around you!
But arguing and tearing down people around you is just pointless. Being intentionally rude and instigating debate? What are you trying to prove? You said yourself you’re getting bored anyways. So there is no reason for this. I hope you continue to find joy in things like this story, but I also hope you learn to respect other opinions, or just mind your damn business.
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I'm noticing more as I get older that I'm looking at more stuff and just going "whatever man" and going on with my day. On one hand I'm worried that I'm losing interest + motivation in the things I enjoy, but upon further analysis 99% of the time it's just things that I don't care about trying to take up space in my mind.
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I am S T I L L blocking terfs from that post I made like two months ago. Like nearly 500 of them at this point.
My favorite is when they're like "you're not even going to read my commentary, you'll just block me." You're fucking right, I am. I'm not gonna read your hate speech. I'm not going to argue with hateful shits who are so goddamn miserable in their own lives that they have to attack marginalized people. Get fucked.
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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What do you mean I’m a bit late for Janus’ big day? Of course not, how could you say such a thing! I definitely didn’t forget all about it in my absence and only get reminded in the incorrect quotes video live chat; that’s not like me at all ;]
Anyways I decided to dress our sassy snake in some different outfits I think he’d like. He seems like the type to get all dolled up on his birthday and it goes with Thomas posting pics in outfits inspired by the sides on their appreciation days!
@thatsthat24
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she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let
and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment
and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.
and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment
and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?
to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.
and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.
you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.
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There is an odd sort of desperation in trying to make up for being an awful, critical, abusive, shitty teenaged caregiver by being patient and careful and better when you're all grown up
Like
I was a kid, and it shouldn't have been my job to be a good dad for you, but it was my job, and I fucked up, and I wish that you'd tell me you hate me for it because then at least I'd know you understand that you deserved better
And maybe if you could hate the person who I was, I'd know you'd be safe from it happening again, now that this better version of me isn't always close
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