#I hated it like that was literally the only positive thing about going

[princessbrunette]

thinking about calling pogue!rafe over because your hot water isn’t working and he’s acting all annoyed but he’s lowkey kicking his feet at the fact that he gets to be in your home. maybe even asking him to stay after your shower so you can cook him something as a reward and play house for a bit 🩷🩷🩷

ೀ 🐰 ‧ ˚ 🪽 ⊹˚. ♡

my favourite thing about pogue!rafe is that he acts soooo inconvenienced by your presence. he hates kooks, think they’re so stuck up — so he can’t help but feel to push you away. always referring to you as a ‘stuck up little girl’ whilst he’s only a couple of years older than you. he’d done some work on the house before, and whilst your parents are away you literally don’t know who to call to fix your hot water problem so you try him, pacing around your room.

at first during your call, he tells you he’s got a shit tonne of work to be doing on other houses and doesn’t have time to drop everything for a kook princess. he can practically see your little pout through the phone, but keeps up his attitude until you thank him for his time anyway, sadly throwing out a little “no, i understand it’s okay. i’ll probably just hit up that jj maybank. i heard he’s pretty handy.” and suddenly he’s changed his tune, physically sitting up from his slouched position to be all “shit, okay fine… fine. i’ll be there in twenty minutes just — just don’t call anyone else a’ight?”

he’s sulking when he turns up with his tool box and that muscle tank and shorts with paint and dirt on them — unable to stop sucking on your bottom lip because he’s just so big and strong. he’s ignoring your lustful gaze with everything in him as he walks through to your bathroom. “lets just get this out the way, yeah?” he drawls as he gets to work.

you sit on the sink and swing your legs, not leaving him alone as he works simply chatting his ear off, seemingly unphased by his blunt replies, finding creative ways to shut you down like reminding you “yeah, uh you’re my little sisters age.” however you seemed totally unscathed, only working harder to prove you’re grown enough to take him.

“should be workin’ fine now so uh… just wire me the money n’we’ll be good. doin’ overtime right now so i kinda just wanna go home.” he waves you off and you step infront of him.

“you’re finished working?”

“di’nt i just say that kid?” he drawls and you grin, dragging him to your lounge.

“perfect! look i really wanna thank you specially for bein’ so helpful to me even though it’s clear you don’t want to. let me cook you dinner. please? i got beer and uh… i’ll make it really good. oh please rafe, my parents are away and i’m all alone.”

he sighs like it tortures his whole being, but he couldn’t deny that your house was super nice — nicer to hang out in than his shitty little fishing shack that he calls a home. he’d heard the cops had been sniffing around for him wanting to talk about a little ‘altercation’ he recently wound up in and didn’t have the energy to deal with that. no one would suspect him in the kook princess headquarters.

he cracks open a beer and lounges on your couch watching tv as you prepare the food for him before sticking everything in the oven and heading upstairs to shower. he doesn’t notice your presence disappear until you’ve returned in the tiniest little night gown and damp hair, leading him to the dining room where you serve up his food.

“some real housewife shit, huh?” he can’t hold back his smile as you seat him infront of a hearty meal. you feel all warm at the implication, shrugging modestly.

it’s inevitable that you wind up in his lap after he’s eaten, having sat with him and flirted — leaning over the table with your tits practically spilling out. you can’t quite recall how you got there, in between telling him you had nothing on under the nightgown and him telling you that it wasn’t his fault that men had primal instincts or some shit like that — but soon he was pulling your dress up to your waist and stuffing himself inside you, roughly fucking up into you.

“oww, rafey!” you whine at how rough he’s being with you, not used to being treated like anything but a princess. he can tell it’s an act though, and you truly do love it from the way your walls contract around him.

“nah, nah you knew what you were doin’ inviting me here. what were — were you just sittin’ around with a fuckin’ wet pussy waitin’ on your moment to invite me round n’let you fuck on me? huh? that was this is?” he bucks his hips, holding onto you to completely take control from below, bashing you against the table with each thrust that was certain to leave bruises.

you whimper, pressing your body to his trying to win over some affection as you sniffle. “just got such a crush on you, rafe.” you mewl and he scoffs, taking that moment to pick you up in his lap and place you on the dining room table instead, gaining more control so he could keep rutting into you.

“sick’a you little kook girls tryn’a — tryn’a use me like im some little experiment that you can toss to the side afterwards.” he complains, gripping your hips and practically using you like a toy. if he wasn’t holding you up, you’d be completely limp.

“dont want you with other girls! not — not gonna get rid of you i just want you.” you defend, and finally he slows his punishing pace to catch his breath, staring down at you analytically with parted lips, dick twitching inside you at the confession.

“that right?” he deadpans and you nod, teary eyed. “that why you let me in this princess cunt raw? huh? no protection or nothin’? just… just hoping i pull out? ha…” he chuckles maliciously, starting to push in deeper once more, upping his pace just a tad. “yeah… yeah maybe i should nut right in here—” he caresses your lower tummy making you whimper, completely at his mercy with your legs split. “knock up some kook pussy. won’t just be a phase then will i? nah baby… nah you’d be stuck with me for life.”

he’s got a sick smile on his face, but what he’s not expecting is for you to grip the back of his neck, your bottom lip wobbling with a serious look in your eyes. “do it.” you command and his face drops a little, realising that maybe he was dealing with a girl that had it bad for him. that, or you’re trying to get some sort of revenge on your parents. either option made his dick throb.

ೀ 🐰 ‧ ˚ 🪽 ⊹˚. ♡

#anon #rafe cameron prompt #pogue!rafe

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

This one is a slightly altered version of one of the prompts, because I thought it was a bit more interesting that way:

35. “I trusted you with my heart.” “Well, I’m sorry but you’re clearly very gullible.”

could work well in combination with these ones:

33. "You think I wanted this to happen?!” 49. “I fell in love, so hard, and so fast, but a part of me knew it wasn’t going to last.”

My thoughts/ideas: Sinner!Adam makes a deal with Lucifer for protection, and falls for him incredibly hard after being reminded of how they were in Eden. Luci is mostly just fucking with him for the feeling of power over the former angel. Their perspectives on the relationship are different, and Adam shows his trust by confessing some of his feelings for Luci. Sadly it doesn't work out. Or maybe it does?? Maybe Luci changes his mind after? The ending is all open for whatever your mind can come up with.

As always, take every prompt however you want, include or leave out whatever you prefer, and have fun with it!!

Indigo (loved what you did with my first request!!!!)

*Cracks knuckles* Buckle up Buckaroos! This one's gonna hurt.

I'm glad you're enjoying them 😁

Content Warning: Mildly graphic smut

Adam sobbed into his pillow, his heart shattered a hollow feeling in his chest. How could he be so fucking stupid? He should have known better than to try and tell Lucifer his true feelings.

He didn't use the word love. Adam didn't want to go crazy in case Lucifer wasn't there yet and scare him away. The conversation was burned into his mind.

"I really like you, Luci." It was the truth even if it wasn't a full confession of feelings.

He didn't expect his answer to be a blank stare. "Well, I don't completely hate you if that's what you want to hear."

Completely? "The fuck do you mean completely?"

"Jesus Adam, what do you think it means? You didn't really think I have feelings for you, do you?" Lucifer smirked at the shocked and hurt look on the sinners face. This asshole has hurt so many people, it was only fitting that Lucifer be the one to hurt him back.

So why did those words hurt him too? Like he was lying?

"B-but, I trusted you with my heart." Adam said, he felt his chest was heavy. This was going so wrong so fast. He thought at least that Lucifer LIKED him, they were having sex for fuck sakes!?

"Well I'm sorry, you're clearly very gullible and desperate. That's on you, boo." Lucifer said, he wanted to hurt Adam, but the broken look on his face didn't make him feel as good as thought it would.

"B-but, w-w-we...."

"Have sex? Yeah sure, you're a good lay. Like you were made to take it. But that's all that's good here. Why do you think I only want to fuck you from behind?"

Adam hadn't thought about it, he just assumed it was an easier position. Bile rose in his throat, fuck he was so stupid! How could he think that things could be like they were in Eden? Had he really forgotten that this guy is the literal devil.

He had to get the fuck out of there. Adam felt his heart shatter as he ran away to his room in the hotel. Slamming and locking the door he threw himself onto his bed and just let it all out. He sobbed into his pillow, he hadn't cried like this in years.

So that brings him to the now. Sniffing sadly into his tear stained pillow, wishing he would just die. Why did no one love him? He deserved it, even sinners filthier than him had love!

Maybe he didn't deserve it......

Lucifer stood there, feeling like a sack of shit. Well fuck, that didn't feel the way it was supposed. Adam's heart broken face was tattooed on his eyelids every time he blinked, making his own heart ache.

Okay, maybe the devil did return Adam's feelings. But he wasn't supposed to! This has been about power and dominance over the fallen angel, making him powerless at the king's finger tips. The way he felt under him.....

But now, now he took notice of the little things Adam did like how his nose crinkled when he smiled, or how his eyes would shine when he'd speak about rock music or how his laugh was contagious and loud and warm.

As for why he only had sex with him from behind, Lucifer knew that if he looked into those golden eyes while in the act his fate would be sealed.

Fuck. Maybe it already was.

He had to make this right.

So now Lucifer stood in front of Adam's door. He thought about knocking but knew he may not be let in, so he used a portal.

The sight before him broke his own heart. This isn't what he wanted. "Adam?"

Adam jumped at his voice and glared, though he looked more sad than angry. His face being stained with tears didn't help. "The fuck do you want? Get out!"

"No. Look, I'm sorry I was wrong." Lucifer sat down at the edge of Adams bed, the sinner flinched and moved away slightly.

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"What's the matter? Afraid you won't get fucking laid again asshole?" Adam seethed as he glared daggers at the king.

"I wanted to hurt you. For everything you've done." Lucifer started he watched Adams face crease in concentration. "But in doing so, I ended up hurting myself too. I didn't expect to have any feelings for you Adam. Hell, I didn't expect you to have feelings for me."

"You think I wanted this to happen?" Adam sat up to properly look at Lucifer. "I fell in love so hard and so fucking fast." Adam felt his eyes water again, might as well spill the whole beans. "Part of me knew this wouldn't last."

"You love me?" Lucifer asked, well shit this changes things.

Adam looked away. Here we go again, he's going to get his heart ripped out twice in one day. Adam squeaked when he felt lips crashed against his own, he was pinned to the mattress with Lucifer on top of him. Adam should push him away, stay mad. But that kiss both made him ache and healed him in one.

Lucifer snuck his tongue into Adams mouth, he smiled when he pulled a weak moan from the sinner. He would fix this, he had to. He couldn't let Adam get away again, it has been too hard to get him back after last time. "Let me make it up to, baby."

Sure enough, looking Adam in the eye like this only sealed in his true feelings. Seeing the hope and love in those beautiful golden eyes had him in a vice grip.

Adam should tell him no, kick him out. But his heart yearned for any affection that the king would give, he didn't care how he got it as long as he did. "Better make it worth my fucking while, dick hole."

And he did. This was the first time that Lucifer had sex with Adam facing him, in missionary. His gaze never leaving Adams. It was soft, slow, and sweet Lucifer made it all about Adam making sure he felt every little sensation. He whispered praises and sweet nothings into his ear, kissing his neck and mouth gently.

Adam soaked it up like a sponge, his head swimming his heart beating so fast. "Ooooh Luci.~"

"Yeah, that's it darling." Lucifer kissed him firmly, stealing the air from Adams lungs.

How could he have almost let him get away? Adam was his, mind, body, heart, and soul. That last one literally. He would never let him go, so maybe it was fine to give him something in return. He whispered it in Adams ear, like a velvet caress. "I do love you."

Long legs wrapped around him pulling him deeper. "I love you, too." Adam weeped, a tear rolled down his cheek. He held on to Lucifer for dead life like he'd float away. "Ahhhhh!" Adam came, bliss taking him over.

Lucifer followed behind, they stayed there like that for a while, breath mingling together as they panted. Lucifer cupped Adams jaw and kissed him sweetly, he watched as Adam melted under his touch. The king swore he melted himself.

He held him close, they said nothing for a while. "Did you mean it?"

Lucifer looked down into those eyes and yes, he knew he meant it. They were filled with love, hope, apprehension, and fear. "Yes I meant it."

Adam smiled weakly and oh, how that soft look was one Lucifer wanted to protect and keep in place. He placed a kiss in his soft hair, resting his chin there as he held Adam close.

From this moment forth he vowed to never intentionally hurt Adam.

Making him happy felt so much better.

#adamsapple #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer x adam #ask #smut #angst #i'm in an angsty mood today #happy ending

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter. #he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point. #and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!! #hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do! #the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into- #one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT. #but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb. #I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time. #and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances. #and doesn’t want to hear any excuse. #but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment. #NOW. CHAPTER 17. #UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN #Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC. #IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!! #BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’ #WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM. #(​NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.) #and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through. #despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up. #like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him. #that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying. #just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner. #IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD. #and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore. #he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had. #and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT. #<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but. #eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind. #I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags

[angelsdean]

seeing a post that gets some things right (interesting complex john thoughts) but other parts dead wrong (bad dean takes) has me like *eye twitch*

#reducing a complicated plot to dean hates all monsters and thinks every monster needs to be killed is um. first of all not even canon #do i need to bring out all the posts abt dean's monster ethics and how he thinks a monster is someone who hurts / kills innocent ppl #and that definition includes humans who do monstrous things too (a theme explored in multiple episodes in s1 !!!!) #but anyways. no he did not think jack should be killed bc he was ~not human~ he thought jack was a Dangerous supernatural being #since ya know. he Was. literally thee most powerful being after god / amara. and they had no idea what he might do. he was not their Baby #or their Kid yet. he was a stranger. a strange new supernatural being that they might have to stop. #s12 finale literally leaves off on a cliffhanger positioning jack to potentially be the new 'Big Bad' #so he's a stranger AND the son of lucifer (they had no idea how that would affect jack yet) AND he seemingly brainwashed cas and kelly #bc remember cas was all about Free Will and Choice and Fuck Heaven / Paradise / Peace #and then suddenly he's going against his core beliefs talking abt paradise on earth and jack needing to fulfill his Destiny like ??? #i'd be sus af too if i were dean #dean had no reason to trust jack right off the bat. 'oh but he should've trusted him bc cas did' ok and cas is dead now so ?? #then there's the soulless jack stuff which is a whole other complicated beast. and dean was not the only one trying to stop jack then eithe #but anyways. no you cannot reduce dean's complex feelings abt jack to simply 'lol dean hates monsters and wants them all dead' #he doesn't. half his family and friends are literally monsters. anyways. #vic.txt

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad #we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic #was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though #it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything #also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't #tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer #both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first #time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been #making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said #i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly #implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me #bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication #we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked #& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol #which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't #even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around #a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins #literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww #am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely #concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know

[sapphicsnzs]

currently crying in the library while studying

#self obs #i’m so stressed and anxious i wanna scream #i hate being negative cause i don’t wanna put my energy on anyone else #but fuck i’m so tired of being positive all the time #i literally have been having bad week after bad week and i can’t talk to anyone about it #i also feel like i’m everyone’s emotional sounding board and no one does the same for me and then i have to hold all my frustration in #no one even asks me how i am anymore or cares enough to listen to the answer #this sounds so dumb but everyone around me only talks about themselves #like literally the past two days i’ve hung out with friends and both times people there were like i didn’t even know that was going on #i’m just so tired of feeling like no one cares about me or that i’m wasting my energy when i say a single thing about myself #i have therapy tomorrow and i feel like it’s gonna be a cry through the whole session kinda day #i’ll probably delete this in like 20 minutes cause i’m being stupid

[pepprs]

my onboarding has been a complete and total fucking mess it’s so stressful i want to just explode. lol

#purrs #finally got on payroll but can’t submit my time sheet bc my last student / intern timesheet WHICH SHOULDNT EVEN BE THERE bc i was in my #transitional position!! is still in my timesheet center and i already filled out a docusign time sheet for that pay period so i shouldn’t ha #have to worry abt it but i can’t submit any timesheets until that blank one gets removed by someone in payroll but a lot of ppl are on #vacation so im like wtf lol. im now on the first day of my 4th week and still haven’t gotten the email to sign up for benefits which iwwas s #supposed to get in my 2nd or 3rd week and i literally need to make appointments and figure out what im paying for counseling. still haven’t #found a carpool bc that fucking asshole wants to charge me $100 for a months worth of rides which i think is overpriced personally and also #he creeps me out but i can’t search for another carpool bc there isn’t a group for staff / faculty to like ask questions and this guy was #supposed to be my connection to helping me find staff / faculty in Columbia but instead he just inserted himself and it’s like i kinda hate #you and don’t want to ride with you but i literaly don’t think i have a choice. and then ofc my supervisor decides to leave RIGHT NOW so its #like i have to go out and find a ‘cultural contact’ who can get me acclimated to staff life bc she was supposed to do it and now she’s #fucking off to ****** so i have to replace her while ALSO taking her place w a whole bunch of work stuff AND being on the search committee w #which is launching this week. and im just about to punch something. this process has been so turbulent and frustrating i just want to be #settled in and instead km hitting roadblocks every step of the way and ppl including my close colleagues are still tagging me in my student #email when they don’t have to and they KNOW i hate it and want to have my staff email show up as much as possible. lol. ughhhhhh #i keep telling myself it’s like stars. my student star has gone out but the light takes time to travel to earth and it’s gonna keep hitting #for a while and im gonna have to deal w that. but in a couple months time god willing it’ll feel better. meanwhile i have completely paused #my quest to earn my permit and find a place to live bc i just can’t handle it rn and also im isolating myself again lolllll. so things are n #not good and im scared my counselor is only gonna give me 30 minutes like last time and spend most of it talking… we’ll see. i have more #thoughts but if i don’t go now i will be late for work lol 😃✌️

[broke-on-books]

I'm a fucking disaster send tweet

Also btw guys I got my drivers license

#the craziest thing about this web site is that i never publically embarrass myself here #like i have the emotional intensity of a nuclear bomb and the self control of a hand grenade #ive been going off VERY publically since i was eight years old and its really only gotten worse #it probably hit its peak in middle school but still i just- #i cant even get fucking angry or frustrated at myself without fucking crying! and everyone asking me if im okay like no! im not okay! #i screwed up something i have in my ability to do well because i got in my own damn head or whatever no im not okay #its just like the worst part is that my mind doesnt care if i did good on what i was supposed to do it only sees that i could have done bet #ter. its literally like i got my drivers license! i got a 92 on my test! i got the desired results there! but yet im still fucking crying #because i knew and possessed the skills to get those scores (and better!) in me and i had in fact done better and shown that i had those #skills in the past BUT instead they gave them to me out of pity because they knew i could do better #so then i have to be the person sitting there crying when i did perfectly fine but really i fucking hate myself because i know i didnt #actually do perfectly fine!!! i did fucking dogshit instead compared to how i could have done how i KNOW i could have done #its just annoying because like. i am a very cheerful and positive person and am actually one of the more stable people i know. i have an #amazing relationship with my family i do well easily in school and i dont get involved in bad things or generally make bad decisions #however every few months i have a very public breakdown over something incredibly stupid because i get wrapped around the axel in my head #everyone i know from distant acquaintances to complete strangers have seen me fucking cry because i just cant stop it #im supposed to be celebrating right now and picking where we're going to go out to dinner tonight but instead im not because im fucking #crying in my room because i passed my drivers test #what the hell is wrong with me i swear to god #also shoutout to neurodivergent people with chemical imbalances and stuff in their brains because mine works how its supposed to and its #absolutely fucking hell on my life. like hot damn idk how you guys do it absolute fucking props i respect you all SO much genuinely #anyways i need to get my shit together before anyone else tries to talk with me or else ill start crying again #highkey considering not posting this but if i dont ill lose any and all catharsis i could possibly get so like sorry guys #blah #ignore this

[kavehater]

I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

#There’s this specific part of the song #It srsly alters my brain chemistry #Anyways #i hate tumblr sm #Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm #No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much #Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely #Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D #The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏 #Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it #The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc #To show her how messy it was …. #I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone … #Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th #Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious #And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei #It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking #To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I #Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia #And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games #All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car #Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke #Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon #Like me go mad with all these things #Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up. #dora daily #Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable #Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more #Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing. #Essay tags 😻😻😻

[musical-chick-13]

.

#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but #not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about. #that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends #that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even #considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF... #like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy) #but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car #crash or fix me soup when I'm sick. #like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad #and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship #right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go #if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through #the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!! #and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after #she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think #anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore #but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst #Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that #this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me #WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!! #*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today #and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore! #In the Vents #GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS

[pleek]

nothing can just go well for me huh

#my car just got totaled #and in a way that i’m going to be the one at fault insurance wise even though it wasn’t actually my fault #my jeep was literally the only good thing i had going for me #my only friend is at college an hour away #i’m stuck at home with my parents #and i love my family but i just want to go to college and be on my own finally #i can’t do this anymore #i’m so tired of my life being a fucking nightmare #and i’m always positive about it because it really could be worse #but nothing good ever happens to me #i feel like i’m cursed #and now i can’t drive myself around #so i can’t see my friend anymore #i have no money #i hate my job #no one at school wants to be friends with me #i just want a break #literally anything #im so tired of everything #vent

[lemonlimevio]

i do EVERYTHING in my power to not get sick and every single time my parents bring disease into my home

#elospeaks #all of this could be avoid if you wore the literally stacks of boxes of kn95s youve bought that are only used by me and my sibling #im not asking for her to wear them IN the house but like work or shopping YES anytime we go out it is a necessity #plus this will be the THIRD TIME youve gotten it if your positive #which is terrible for you because you are ALREADY compromised due to both your hyperthyroidism and then the nodules they found on it #not good!! #i just want to live in a world where i dont have to worry about my or my siblings health every second of the day IN MY OWN HOME #being worried in public is one (bad) thing (i hate it but not the point of what im talking abt) #but im not even safe here in my home that i live in #i have to move but i cant afford to move at all so #guess ill just suffer #the first time she got it she literally caused me so much contamination paranoia that i washed my hands raw and i cant touch doorknobs now #so she WILL deal with my bitching about it #its the least i can do

[akari-hope]

.

#through a series of strange circumstances i've actually found myself in possession of a free copy of the new f*nal f*ntasy game #and i wasn't gonna play it after kind of fucking hating the demo. but like yk when shit's free i felt like i had to give it a bit of a go. #and i'm gonna try to play more of it but...it's so boring rn i'm so sorry #i do not care about these characters and i do care about the plot rn #and i literally feel like i'm going insane bc no one else seems to feel the way i do about it ggksbdk #like people are like 'the action combat is making it bad' and no that's not it #and other people are like 'people who don't like it have only played x' and no that's also not true #idk it's just weird and boring?? #with some strange design choices and options that don't make a ton of sense to me #also tbh gameplay features that also don't make a ton of sense #like the consumable item carry limit. or the dodge button being what it is. or only being able to access a codex by talking to an npc. #like they're not game-destroying but they're odd and i don't quite get the point #but yeah idk i'm trying really hard to like it bc it actually kind of pains me to dislike a game in this series so much #but i just can't bring myself to be invested in the story or characters #i'm admittedly only 5 hours in but. i really would've expected something to sell me on at least ONE element by now #only thing i can say is generally positive is the majority of combat. just bc it's fine. nothing revolutionary i have no complaints. #interviews with y*shida are so funny tbh. where he's all talking about how he wanted it to feel different. #and that led to it feeling and looking like 17 other media properties. like...mission failed my dude. #anyway. i'll build up the perserverence to at least get...idk. 20 hours in is more than fair i think. #hoping it proves me wrong by then but good fucking lord. i've never been more dispassionate about a game from this series. #i'm not even like the people claiming it's 'not a REAL series entry'. like no it is. it's just a boring one lmao.

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

local minima rn lads.

#i cannot like put in words exactly what it is about my mom that does it for me #like to an outsider it would sound like a normal slightly rude interaction. and i couldnt tell you which part makes me feel bad #or why i feel like that. i just. my mind treats her differently than everyone else. i dont clock anyone's position in a room like i do hers #i am always so Aware. and. ive been grey rocking her now. its the only possible card up my sleeve tbh. no plan b. #she just... #acts all plaintive and innocent while pushing the exact buttons that make me shut down and go cold. and i end up looking #so heartless and cruel in front of someone who does everything for me and receives only hate back. when its just. #not true.. #i am so fucking tired of feeling like. like someone scooped a part of my chest out. with like an ice cream scoop every time this #happens #like so tired and HOLLOW #and its not the sort of thing i can explain to someone? its not like someone just called me a slur or cheated on me or whatever #nobody will GET it. like yes you just had a conversation where you were rather rude why is this causing a depressive episode #and just. by nobody i mean everyone who i know who also knows her and also most people who dont know her wont get it #yall got no idea #how much i wanna run away. im fucking desperate okay #i will literally do anything #i need a nap every time i talk to her which sucks because ive got nobody else to talk to. #so there's a lot of sleeping going on here #so much sleeping #just a couple months dante. just. ive done years and years of this. i can do a couple months more. #go to college and then its sayonara you weeaboo shits for everyone here #honestly i was scared of leaving everything i know behind before #but i think im realising i dont really have anything worth keeping here. #i was all like ohh i wont have any family or anyone to fall back on when im in trouble #and then i realised i dont have that anyway. I'd rather figure my problems out on my own than deal with toxic people on top #which is a pretty fucking good realisation peopleos #anyway. hyping myself up to keep from having a breakdown now #godspeed ME

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

#actuallynpd #signal boost #actuallyautistic #mental health awareness #narcissistic personality disorder #people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias #(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar #mentally ill or otherwise ND) #the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there' #no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo #anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that #he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful #misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included #several personality disorders. one of which was NPD. #and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and #he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he #was glad he did #fun times #or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to #support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma #bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me #trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them. #again..... fun times