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#I had this whole fic written out and posted about the idea and someone else…within half a day posted a fic word for word my idea 😩
turtlecleric · 2 months
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I'm in Hell
SPOILERS FOR SYMPHONY CHAPTER 22 - THIS POST IS LONG YOU'VE BEEN WARNED
I'm so Unwell. I have never had any misunderstandings like the thing with Donnie, but I have been betrayed by someone who was my best friend for years, so this chapter... it's hitting me really, really hard.
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When Leo first met Vi, he was studying her a lot. Remember the near-physical weight his scrutiny had felt like? You feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. ... like a pinned rabbit ... you see an obsidian edge beneath his smile that feels a little sharp as you lean into it.
And then later in her apartment:
[Leo talking] “…You know what really got me interested in talking to you?”
“What?” you ask, tilting your head. 
“Donnie came back from talking with April and he was talking about you."
This is literally Vi and Leo's first time meeting - I don't think Leo started to really hate her until after she started coming to the Lair and he saw how Donnie reacted to her presence, but he mentions that Donnie talked about her already. It's framed within Vi's mind as him being careful with his family. He's the leader, he's careful around new people, he wants to make sure she isn't a threat, etc. But even though this is before the touch thing started, there could've been the seed of hatred already there depending on how Donnie spoke about Vi to Leo.
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He [Leo] peers at you like he can read your life story where it’s written on your soul. ... “…You don’t have a lot of friends, do you?” he asks, his voice soft and yet cutting you all the same.
and this:
[Vi talking] “I had a lot of fun tonight. I’d… like to have more nights like this one. To. To have a family. If I can.” “You can,” he [Leo] says
He knew from the first fucking time he met her that she was lonely. That she wanted friends, wanted a family, wanted to belong. He knew that better than anyone else in the family, not only because of her saying this to him but also because of how well he reads people and how much time he spent with her. He's the only one who has seen her in her apartment, too, caught her in those few vulnerable moments in her home. I'm so fucking angry.
There are so many times in the fic that... I can't even articulate... here's some quotes early on -> "you hate how much you like this guy [Leo]" and "you smile when you see [the text notification is from] Leo" and when Vi is sick in the store she says "I miss Leo" and on and on. And that whole fucking time! He was!! UGH!!!
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When Vi agrees to make Leo some bread so that maybe he can get some of Donnie's apology cookies he texts her "ttyl i gotta go rub this in donnie’s face" and yeah that's him being a little shit as always, but it's ALSO proof of him using EVEN THEIR PRIVATE TEXT CONVERSATIONS as ammunition rile up Donnie.
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Hey look! Bits that hit different/hint at more going on/might be Leo's mask slipping!
“How long do we hafta wait before she ain’t a guest anymore?” Raph asks, causing you to snort a laugh. 
“That’s up to Donnie,” Leo says, voice heavy with an undercurrent of meaning you’re not picking up on, causing you to look at him with a raised eyebrow. He smirks, reaching over to poke your cheek with his finger. “Y’know. He’s the one who met you first, and all that.” 
…Something tells you it’s more than that, but he’s good enough at hiding it that you don’t feel comfortable calling him on it in front of the others.
...
you have no idea how you fit in [to the family], and Leo had all but told you that the space is here, ready and emblazoned with your name on it. You don’t quite see it yet, even if he apparently does.
...
“Yeah, don’t worry about it. It’s complicated,” Leo says easily, and it’s only just, but you pick out the thread of iron bars in his tone, ready to come crashing down if you push even a little too hard. So, you don’t.
“Okay,” you say easily, causing him to get that piercing look he gets sometimes, the one when he feels more like a ninja than a funny turtle man who tries to see how many cookies he can shove into his mouth at once and sends you pizza rat memes at four in the morning. “…Dude, we’ve been friends for like, a week. It’s cool that you aren’t ready to spill your guts yet, you know that, right?” 
His eyes go sharp, but then he hums and smiles. You feel like you did the night you first met him, like there’s a test here and it’s in a language you don’t understand. It’s a bit uncomfortable, prompting you to grab your own drink and swallow a healthy bit of it just to have something to do.
...
[Vi talking] “…He [Donnie] seems lonely.”
Leo hums under his breath, cutting a portal that feels a little like home. “Well, lucky he has you, then.”
...
“Uh, I met her first,” Donnie says, scowling, while Leo just gives him a smug look. 
...
You do, however, lean in while the others are occupied, whispering to Donnie, “So, ten dollars, which one of them tops?” and laughing when he chokes. You catch Leo’s eyes and give him a devious grin, spying him look to Donnie with a curiously blank look before shifting to a catty smile of his own when he looks back to you
...
“One portal home for a lovely lady,” Leo says as he steps through, his face going a little flat when he looks over your shoulder to Donnie behind you.
...
Leo is… astonishingly quiet for a moment, his face blank of anything for you to read as he stares at the piece hard. Then he looks up at you, and you see an unusually capable person that doesn’t feel like your best friend, even as much as it feels like the real Leonardo, here for the first time for you to see.
...
[Vi talking] “I don’t… I don’t like keeping secrets. Or lying. Not from people I care about.” 
The weight of Leo’s eyes is almost physical. It makes you remember that he’s asked you to keep secrets, and your eyes snap to his, wondering if that’s the reason why he’s gone still like this. “I—I haven’t told anyone. About the ninja thing, or the Krang thing. I’d never—”
“I know,” Leo interrupts, threading his hand through your hair so he can cup your nape and press your forehead to his own. “I trust you.” You release a sigh of relief, nodding. “I’m just… thinking it might be time for us to repay that back.” 
You blink, gaze darting between his eyes. “I don’t… what do you mean?”
“We’re a pretty close-knit family. There’s a lot of… baggage. A lot of history. A lot of stuff we haven’t told you. And it’s… it’s starting to feel a little disrespectful,” he says, looking a bit displeased. “You’re one of us. It’s only fair.”
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We all know about the constant comments Leo makes about being Vi's "favorite turtle" and "best friend" in front of the others/in the group chat. He talks in Chapter 22 about purposefully draping himself across her and pulling her close, hugging her, scenting her, touching her in front of Donnie to piss Donnie off. But there's all these other little things that seemed so innocent at the time and now I'm losing my mind wondering about each of them, wondering - is that something he did with malicious intent? How many nice things were ONLY done to piss off Donnie? There are so many times that he compliments her - for example:
“What? I can’t compliment my bestie and her fine legs?” Leo coos, reaching over and flicking your nose gently.
“Leonardo,” Donnie warns, folding his arms.
And I remember, during my second read through after I finished Chapter 20, being so happy and grateful that Leo was pretty consistently giving her compliments, because she deserves to be complimented and taken care of and loved, because she deserves good friends who hype her up, and this WHOLE TIME-
(Side note - that time that Leo complains she smells like Donnie's lab, he shoves her away and she falls to the floor. First read, it's just Leo being playful. Second read, I wonder... is that a little bit of his frustration getting out of him in a physical way? He shoved her to the fucking floor, and then, once Donnie shows up, Leo pats the cushion next to him for Vi to sit by him. Then he wraps his arm around her and pulls her in close to smell her. But that's only after Donnie shows up.)
When Mikey takes Vi's So-Shell profile picture -> “Wha—?” you start, only to feel Leo leaning in to smoosh his cheek against yours, the distinct feeling of bunny ears brushing the back of your skull. Once again, this is in front of Donnie. Plus it's for her profile picture, so that means every time Donnie sees her So-Shell profile he'll see Leo in the picture, too. Leo was also famously the first like on her first So-Shell post and gets her to always leave nice comments/emojis on his thirst traps.
When she comes to the Lair to practice with her viola, Leo offers up HIS room first, and only once she declines does he -> “Ugh, fine, you are so boring,” he says, and removing his arm, he shoves at your shoulders hard and pushes you through the portal. (Pushing her onto the floor, pushing her through the portal... he's kind of rough with her in the beginning, and I figured it was just because he's haha silly funny turtle man, physical comedy, joking around whatever but... again I wonder. Is he letting himself be a little rough as a way to express his true feelings?)
God, all these little things that... might have an ulterior motive and might not.
It's around the time Vi gets bruised up by that guy at the coffee shop that Leo seems to start actually acting like a real friend, in my opinion. “…You don’t even get how incredible you are, do you?” he asks, causing you to roll your eyes. “You seriously don’t see it.” 
The very next chapter he gets a glimpse of her being anxious over not being able to play, while she notices that he looks tired, invites him to listen to music and lets him sleep on her back, and in that chapter it says: you sit, quiet, letting him use you. My second read through, this line hit me hard because I KEPT noticing that she really does nothing but GIVE and I feel like she's constantly doing things to be useful to others. And now, as I'm skimming through a third time, it turns out that... yeah. Yeah. He was fucking using her. In Chapter 22, Leo says "then you reach out and touch me in a way no one has. You’ve helped me, even though I was just using you" and I'm thinking this is the moment that that really started. When she first let him sleep on her. And that's also the first time he churrs with her. After that, he gets her really nice sushi, and she thinks he's guilty for drooling all over for her, but I think maybe he was guilty because he's starting to realize how nice she is and how shitty it is that he's using her like that, even though he does continue those manipulative behaviors.
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He sighs, his face going openly affectionate. “…You’re so…” 
What he thinks you are, you don’t know, as he chooses instead to pull you into a hug. You go easily, seeking the comfort of his embrace, hoping he can feel in your arms that you truly do mean what you said. 
“You know, instead of sorry, you should say—” Leo says, though as his face gets close to your throat, his mouth snaps shut and he goes still in a manner that reminds you a little of Donnie. 
“…Leo?” you ask, going to pull back from the hug to look into his face only to feel his hands go tight on your back, holding you close while he dips his beak to your skin and inhales. When he does pull back, he’s got a look of shock on his face that he quickly schools into something more neutral, but barely. 
This is where he smells Donnie on you for the first time, and the guilt he was starting to feel, the actual genuine affection he was developing for her, may have then been interrupted/overshadowed by his anger.
Vi was right to say she isn't gonna go back and examine every detail, because it's so fucking MUDDY! There are glimpses of true softness from him sprinkled throughout with him ALSO still hanging over her and doing shit that pisses Donnie off on purpose. And then of course the scene with Leo in the kitchen when he scares her, where we get the first big glimpse into his true anger about the whole situation, where we see him being sharp and cutting and dismissive and- I'm not going to paste in that whole scene, but he's so, so, SO angry. When she has that visceral, terrified reaction, he feels so bad (I do think he was genuinely, truly horrified that he scared her), but then he finds out that Vi and Donnie are (as far as Vi is aware) dating, followed by her telling him that Donnie misses touching his brothers, misses hugs, followed by Leo deciding to tell Vi about all the family secrets... so he's wrestling with this rage and jealousy, but he's also starting to really accept her as family (I think, since he shared the info about the Krang, about Lou Jitsu, about Casey, since he asked for her help)...
It kills me that, after that, he saw her trying so hard to help, like when she went to the library and got books on PTSD and fell asleep taking notes and she wakes up with a blanket covering her and a little blue heart on a note - he saw her doing that, on top of everything else she CONSTANTLY does for other people, for his family, and HE STILL, EVEN AFTER THAT, DOES SHIT THAT'S MANIPULATIVE. THE 4TH OF JULY PARTY, FOR EXAMPLE. “What she said,” Leo purrs, his fingers fluttering on your stomach as his eyes cut off to the side. He has a sharp look to his features that you’re a bit too drunk to dissect, so you just ignore it. He HAS to be looking at Donnie, here.
(Side note - we still don't know what Leo was doing when Vi was in the shower getting ready for the party... if anything. Maybe he really was eating cookies.)
It's at the end of the party that he smells sex on Vi, I think, for the first time. And the following chapter is when he starts avoiding Vi, and she goes to confront him and he says he's "Thinking about things. About what I want.” And THAT'S when he finally stops his bullshit. Ch 22 - "I stopped. Completely. After we talked in my room.”
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I'm still working on fully re-reading Chapters 17+ until I make it back up to 22 and putting more thoughts into that post, but. Dear God. Sam is a genius and I'm so angry at myself. I had been so confused and angry with Donnie, when in reality he truly DID NOT KNOW about the misunderstanding between him and Vi. Meanwhile, as I'm fawning over Leo and so happy Vi has him and so grateful he's been such a good friend to her... he was the one using her, this whole time. I cannot believe it. I'm SICK with rage. I can't imagine how Vi could possibly... I can't... FUCK dude
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dual-domination · 5 months
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Twenty questions for fic writers
I was tagged by @forerussake Thank you very much! <3
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
43 works public works, 4 anon works (because of harassment), total 47 works
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
388,480 words 
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Currently, only Guardian and DMBJ (Detective L and GYADL count as Weilan Derivatives, so… still Guardian somehow skjsjsk)
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Closer to my heart, back to our home - MDZS/Nieyao (139) Stars aligned in a perfect sky - Guardian X DMBJ/Zhaoxie/Pingsang and later Weilanxie (77) Completely Yours - MDZS/Nieyao (69) Shoot my heart - Guardian/Weilan (52) - Terrible, my first Guardian fic, written for a tumblr request, one day I’ll edit that fic bc I love the concept, but it’s not a good work at all >&lt; Maybe you just don't understand the brain of an ancient alien - Guardian X DMBJ/Weilanxie (52) 
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I can take a while to do so, but I’ll always reply to comments, even if some get lost and I have to dig on my inbox to find out after months Ç_Ç (I’m sorry, I’m just messed when it comes to long comments and/or the ones that make me cry). I also love when authors reply to my comments on their fics.
6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Let me think for a moment, because I’m all ‘happy endings’ here. Probably Wrong side of Hell, a Zhaoxie Cop/Mob AU, because even when it’s tagged as happy/hopeful ending, it’s a momentary happiness, but the future prospects are against them
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
With the ending already posted? No idea But in general, I think it’s Maybe he's just an ancient alien who likes cute socks because everything here is just silly, domestic, sweet and warm. Like the panda print socks. Probably this fic will remain as the ending of this series because I’m not very enthusiastic when it comes to writing in Guardian Drama-verse 
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Oh yeah. A LOT. Nowadays it happens once in a while, but when I started posting my first Zhaoxie fic, Stars aligned in a perfect sky , I got so much hate on my askbox and even dms from people that I used to see as friends. Mostly were anon on my askbox, really WTF things, people were truly upset that I was shipping Zhao Yunlan with someone else that was not Shen Wei. When things started changing and this fic showed a hint of what could be (or not) an OT3 fic (so, Shen Wei!), I got even more hate and a lot of bigotry about polyamory! It was an insane moment. If someone wants to know the outcome, this fic has almost 300k (yet only around 100k posted) and IT IS OT3 - also set my career as crossover + OT3 writer kjskjskjsj. My askbox is still open to anon and will always be. You can send hate or love, you choose. Hate will NEVER be responded, though. I delete all hate I receive.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
In English, usually no. In my 1st language, I used to, eventually, within long works, with plot. But once I fully stopped writing in my 1st language, I found it hard to write very descriptive sex scenes - also doesn’t help how confused I get having to explain where their legs and hands are and what the hell they’re doing with their tongues. But I managed it twice, one is in a posted work (2Luo) Love is a heart’s choice, and the other is in an upcoming chapter of a WIP (not the current series, yet I wish kjskjsjs)
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
Oh man, I’m a crossover writer. I LIVE for my crossovers and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back writing a non-crossover fic. (Also love reading crossovers, hello Fixa!) But craziest one? Guess it was a drabble for Fixa (and I loved that), DMBJ x LOTR, it’s not on ao3, but it’s here on tumblr… somewhere. It’s Wu Xie + a Palantír.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
A whole fic? No idea. But concepts, ideas, dialogues, yes. Multiple times. 
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
It counts the fics I translated myself/wrote bilingual? If not, then no, unless that yes and I don’t know about sjkkjsjs
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Of course! Since the beginning of my life as a ficwriter (I started writing originals long before writing fics). I’m used to working with Vince @victorian-pirate more often, with Arjun @sagittariusdarkarrow when he wants to play specific characters in my fics, but in other fandoms I used to co-write even more than nowadays. With Tazzy, I have a 2Luo series, but we still don’t have a fic we fully wrote together, each part of the series is written by one or the other. I’m always open to talk about co-writing.
14. What's your all-time favorite ship?
Only one ship? Look, I live in fandoms for 3 decades, but not always for shipping (Tolkien, for example), but there are a few ships that will always be appealing to me. I’m going for Weilanxie here, because I didn’t expect this OT3 to be so powerful to me and hold so deep meanings in my life (both fandom and real life).
15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
It’s mine and Vince’s beloved fic, Seawater is tears shed in the shores (not posted). I don’t doubt we can finish, I doubt we will, because we’d have to rewrite a lot to have the results we want, and that WIP is HUGE, which makes us lazy… Now, about my MDZS wips, it’s not a doubt, I’m sure I’ll never finish because I have no interest in doing so. I wrote for fun and practice, but that fandom never got my heart the way DMBJ and Guardian did.
16. What are your writing strengths?
Dialogue, long plots, worldbuilding. And The Shower - any idea I struggle with, I just need to take a shower to have it clear and perfect on my mind, so guess that counts.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Sex scenes and fighting scenes - too many movements, too confused touching and hitting and doing this and that, but I still can manage a pretty decent fighting scene when needed. 
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
If it’s a language I speak, yep. If I don’t, but can make sure that it’s not only grammatically correct, but also culturally correct, also yep. Otherwise, I’d be committing a crime against what I love the most 
19. First fandom you wrote for?
HAHA GOOD QUESTION, I HAVE NO IDEA. I started writing fics when I was around 13 (25 years ago), about any and every media I loved, like movies, books, bands - no computer, me and my friends used to write on paper and everyone in the classroom would greedily read and wait for another chapter/story (I’m introvert, but never shy about my writing). But that I clearly remember because it was the 1st fandom I POSTED for, because we already could access the internet once in a while from other people’s computers at that time, was Saint Seiya. 
20. Favorite fic you've written?
I don’t even know how many fics I’ve written in my life. But maybe Forgotten Songs of Arda, (this fic starts at and with the beginning of The Silmarillion and goes until long post-LOTR. It’s a rewritten story, from the pov of an OC and Mairon/Sauron). It was written around 15 years ago, so I don’t quite remember enough, and despite being in my 1st language, Vince (who doesn’t speak my 1st language) translated that to read (that was one of the things that built our friendship). The few parts still alive are with him, I lost most of my old fics last year, when my previous laptop completely scattered on the floor. In EN, for sure Stars aligned in a perfect sky (main and side-stories)
tagging @tazzy-ace @jaimebluesq @lacommunarde @omaenanimonoda and I don't remember who else I didn't see already tagged in this Ç_Ç
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foreverdolly · 2 years
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Do you read anyone else’s fics? Or does writing, take up all your time on here? I’m just genuinely curious if you have any favorite stories? ( you may of been asked this already) -
🤍lola
i will be honest- i don't read as much as i should on this site now that i'm writing daily, but i want to remedy that. if anyone has any recs or if you want me to read your writing, just message me ! i'm an absolute sucker for a well written fic. i'm not doing this in any sort of order btw ! just writing them down as they come to me. if i haven't mentioned a fic of yours- it's not because i don't like it ! it probably means that i just haven't gotten to it yet !
here are some fics that genuinely buttered my biscuit and had my one hundred and fifteen pound, tiny chihuahua-ass doing backflips down the hallway:
forbidden desire- @mamaspresley ( i read this three times within the first 48 hours of it being posted. i would suck the grease out of austin's hair in this movie like a damn rat. i'm jealous of the pitbull that got to chomp on this man's nutsack. i wish i was the doorframe where his ass got curb stomped. jackie did the damn thing on this one. if anyone knew how many times i've actually read this fic, someone might take my phone away from me. i told her that this was one of my favorite tumblr fics in the history of ever and she didn't believe me. "really?" yes, girl. yes. this had me doing the bend and snap. jackie you're so talented.)
to find a cure- @mamaspresley ( adorable. couldn't breathe the entire time. i had my inhaler in my lap and was clutching my modelo with my free hand. knuckles pale. knees quivering. mom's spaghetti. i'm nervous.)
into you - @dreamersparacosm ( this was actually one of the first austin fics i read post-elvis, which is super cool since you were one of my first mutuals as well ! ang, your writing is stellar. this shit had me doing laps around the house. i had to fight off the urge to propose to you. i told my mom about us. the way you write austin??? jesus, mary, joseph, the donkey and all the wise men.)
going method - @oh-austin (this is just so cute to read. it cured my depression and straightened out my scoliosis. i'm also no longer lactose intolerant, and i think this might also be connected to the series.)
the big shot mississippi boy - @ghxst-heart (i devoured this series in one sitting, and am anxiously awaiting part eight. the way that you are able to so accurately describe the 50's. . . it's almost as though you've lived it yourself ! not to mention the way that you write for elvis??? amazing amazing amazing. you deserve all the love.)
a whole man is hard to find- @aconflagrationofmyown (this fic is going to be my downfall, i can just feel it. marina- please don't give me a heart attack. i'm not ready to die yet. i haven't gotten to peg, and i have a few more things after that to cross off the ole' bucket list.)
familiarity- @blainesebastian (i adore this idea, and what you've done with it is absolutely out of this world. you have this fantastic way of making your reader inserts so relatable. it feels very real and i mean that in the best way possible. like any ole' person can run into austin butler while reaching for the coveted maple clusters. gorgeous.)
on a serious note: there's definitely way more than this. i'll be making a second post of more recommendations at a later date, that way everyone can get the love and appreciation that they deserve. thank you all for what you do for this fandom. just know that your hard work does not go unnoticed. i know that most of you either have school work or maybe even a full time job (like myself), and the fact that you set time aside to write for other's enjoyment is selfless, and quite amazing of you. you are seen, loved, and so so talented.
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Tell me about the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise.
It's a classic, and I think everyone has a different take on it. For instance, I personally think the idea of Darth Plagueis/Anakin being a tragic character is silly because he was never a protagonist. He got to be Luke in this novel, but Luke is someone who's written by someone else and has his own flaws.
Warning: Bad Fic, Contains Nasty Tricks That You May Not Be Ready For
Darth Plagueis/Anakin is the central character in this novel, not just a minor side character or "mysterious" character, and this really does have a huge effect on the story. (If you aren't familiar with it, this is not some "let's have fun and play around in different settings without being all serious" book. It is very very serious. I can't even describe how serious it is, because if you've read it you've probably already felt the emotional impact it makes.)
This book has a plot, but it's like a game that you are playing against yourself; it's not your story anymore. The central plot is that Plagueis was able to kill Palpatine through mind control, but he left his soul out of his body so that it would be reanimated after his death and would then possess Luke, the son of the Jedi Order and the last surviving Jedi. The book is about how Luke has to confront this, and how his own dark side (as portrayed by Darth Plagueis the Wise) has come back to life, and what this means about his own soul.
The tragedy is not that Darth Plagueis/Anakin killed Palpatine, or even that he succeeded in doing this after his life's work of self-mastery failed. The tragedy is that Darth Plagueis/Anakin became what he became because of his self-mastery, and in doing so, he corrupted Luke. His self-mastery has made him an entirely different person, and this is a story about that person. Darth Plagueis the Wise is a figure who has gone through a very extreme form of growth, and we follow this process to the extreme and then are given a perspective on the whole of it, in a way that's different from the perspective we had before.
Darth Plagueis the Wise is presented as a powerful, wise, accomplished, powerful figure, but in reality he is a pitiable person (again, the book is about him). And if Darth Plagueis the Wise is a person, that person is uniquely terrible. The book is not about "powerful Sith" (as it sometimes seems from what I've heard), but about a very different sort of person.
There's a famous line about Darth Plagueis/Anakin. He's quoted it in the book, but I'm also gonna post it here:
What is more dangerous than discovery?
It is when we seek knowledge instead of power.
When he does this, it is the discovery of his dark side. We are told that his life's work of self-mastery made him stronger than other people, stronger than many other Sith (for instance, Darth Maul, or Darth Sidious), and stronger than everyone else that the Sith have to face (because they're always fighting their own dark side). He has been making himself into a power that has no match in the galaxy, because he knows what he needs to do is wrong. In the book, the narrator describes Plagueis as "one of the most powerful men" in the galaxy, "almost frighteningly so."
But -- the narrator points out -- there is another thing that makes someone scary, and it isn't just that he's powerful:
There was an unearthly quality in him that shone. This quality had nothing to do with evil. No one was evil who shone. It was like being able to feel a person's heart beat even if you could not hear it.
It is not that Darth Plagueis the Wise is actually evil. It is that he could do anything. He could choose to do wrong. He knew what was right, and he made it wrong. He took from his own soul, and became the very thing that he fought to overcome.
Here's a description of Darth Plagueis the Wise, which should help explain what I'm talking about:
He wore, without ever touching it, the look of the devastation within the heart. If someone could look at something, at someone like him, and be struck dumb, they'd see what was left. There was no face to see. No soul to hear. There was nothing to see, nothing to hear, nothing to know. The feeling of the man was a thing that could not be put into words.
He could do anything. He knew what the right thing was, but he made it the wrong thing. He knew that he was hurting himself, that he was destroying his own soul, but he did it anyway.
It doesn't matter, in this story, whether he is a genuinely terrible person or whether he has done something that is the worst thing imaginable. The narrative doesn't care about that, because the narrative is about him becoming like that, becoming exactly the person he wanted to be. And it doesn't matter whether this is supposed to be a bad thing because, well, the narrative doesn't think it's a bad thing. If we accept the idea that what's important is "the darkness that shines," then the darkness that shines is the darkness that is important.
If Darth Plagueis the Wise is a character, he is a character we are shown how he turned himself into. (Note that, again, this is a book, not a movie, so he really does have "a face to see" and "a heart to hear" and so forth. What I'm talking about is the effect the character has.) If we look at Darth Plagueis the Wise, it's not just that we see what Darth Plagueis the Wise looked like before he made his choice: that would be giving in to the whole idea of the book, and it would be giving in to the point, and that is not the point. It is that we feel the way he turned himself into that thing. We feel the darkness that radiates from the man, and we feel the emptiness that this fills, and we feel how this emptiness is inescapable. We feel how it sadens everything around it.
He was just another Sith, one who "could have been" anyone. But he chose darkness. He became what he was meant to become. He wasn't evil. He was not even foolish. He was, if anything, a good person. (Of course he would see this as "good," and what I'm saying is that is exactly why the narrative has him see it this way.)
And Darth Plagueis the Wise became exactly who he meant to become (not just his version of himself: his version of himself was himself). And we are shown that, and this is what really makes him scary. We are shown how the darkness came from nothing, how it arose from nothing, how he made nothing. What is more dangerous than discovery? It is when we seek knowledge instead of power.
If you don't get this, you really shouldn't be reading this book.
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I guess this is a housekeeping post? I’ve written a lot of fic over the years and I’ve talked about my relationship with canon in my author’s notes and comment replies, but I’ve never actually written up a full explanation and posted it anywhere easy for people to find. So this is that!
TL;DR, courtesy of @ao3tagoftheday​:
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I engage with the Avatarverse on an extremely specific, transformative level, and that level is "my worldbuilding-centric headcanons showcased via fanfiction". I love ATLA, but for a long time now I’ve been less in it for the show, and more in it for what I can do while I’m standing on the show’s shoulders. Fanfiction is my creative genre of choice for a lot of reasons, but a big one is because it lets me immediately start having fun with the familiar without having to worry about establishing much set-up.
...Which is ironic because usually that aspect of fanfic means people are playing with familiar characters, whereas I ignore most of the canon characters and focus on stuff that’s either super obscure or completely made up by me, which involves establishing a lot of set-up, but whatever. The world is familiar, and I enjoy exploring new ideas within it.
I’m also a Fandom Old. I first watched ATLA all the way through a few months after the series finale in 2008. Consequently, most of my ATLA fandom experience was well after the show’s heyday, when all canon information was established and nothing new was on the horizon. It was a relief as I started playing around with fanfiction, because storytelling takes a lot out of me and I couldn’t bear the thought of getting jossed after spending so much time and effort on something. And it’s a lot of time and effort, for me - lots of the stories I put up on AO3 in the last few years are things I originally thought up a decade ago. I write slow, I take breaks, I think a lot, I don’t always have the understanding I need to execute the story I want and have to sit on it for a few years. It’s just the way my brain works, and I didn’t like the idea of potentially having to dismiss a story or concept I was still chewing on because Bryke jossed me.
I was a stickler for canon when I was younger. But as I grew up I realized that honestly, it’s not that important. The clincher was when JJ Abrams’ Star Trek reboot came out, and Star Trek fans hated it and were freaking out about What It Did To Star Trek Canon, and then someone wrote an article that went “You guys need to learn a lesson we Star Wars fans learned ages ago - it’s totally okay to point at a spot on your canon timeline and say ‘I don’t believe in anything that comes after this.’ Personally, I stop believing in anything that happens in Star Wars after they kill off Chewbacca by throwing a moon at him, because that was stupid.”
As a Star Wars fan who'd read a lot of the EU but had no interest in getting that far because I also thought killing off Chewbacca via moon was stupid, that resonated with me. Heck, there were entire books set before that point that the entire Star Wars fandom collectively ignored! That article writer was right - choosing your own canon was great and should be the norm!
Shifting into that mindset came pretty easily after that; it helped that my main fandoms have always had a tenuous relationship with what constitutes “canon” anyway. The Star Wars Expanded Universe was absolutely buck wild and often stupid, and was therefore easy to alternatively cherry-pick or ignore. The only official canon in Tolkien’s works is The Hobbit and LOTR, everything else is cobbled-together drafts that are so contradictory that Gil-Galad Son of Plot Hole is now a whole fandom thing. And pre-FiM, My Little Pony barely had canon and was essentially a free-for-all for the dozen of us who actually wrote fic - the focus of MLP fandom back then was very much on collecting, obviously.
So choosing my own canon is something I’ve been doing since...forever, actually. I only started doing consciously with ATLA, tho.
I’ll admit that TLoK disappointed me - probably not for the reasons you think, btw. (every time people start defending TLoK to me without asking what I dislike about it, they always defend stuff I think is perfectly defensible, and never address the stuff I dislike about it. but that’s an explanation for another time.) Once it became clear that the TLoK era wasn’t something I wanted to explore via fic anyway, tho...welp. *shrugs* Who cares?
And all the comics, books, this new RPG game, and whatever else that’s come out since? An even bigger shrug.
Frankly - and this is very silly and maybe even petty of me, lol - frankly, I don't actually consider anything beyond ATLA itself to be cold hard canon at all. (And not even all of ATLA either; they had to Word of God the timeline of Sozin’s death because the one given at Azulon’s funeral was ridiculous.) I reserve the right to park myself in what we knew when the show ended in 2008 and not bother with anything else if it doesn’t please me. I’ll use the other stuff sometimes and cherry-pick what I want, but most of my fic is written with an understanding of canon as it was in 2008 at its foundation.
The way I see it, if they wanted me to take new canon seriously, they should’ve released it back in like 2009 when I would’ve cared. And okay yeah sure that wasn’t feasible cuz Bryke wanted to do other things and Nickelodeon only valued ATLA for reruns, but them’s the breaks. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ They left me alone in the garden of canon for over a decade, and I planted new ideas and grew new stories and landscaped a crapton of worldbuilding until it was all just a delightful, fun, overgrown mess; they don’t get to come back now to tell me that actually none of that matters and expect me to care about what they’re saying.
And also, I just see no reason to be beholden to anything that can easily be wiped away at Nickelodeon’s whim. ATLA itself is the cornerstone upon which this universe rests, so it’d take an especially stupid executive to toss it. TLoK too, probably. But the comics, the books, that RPG game, anything else they come up with? Yeah, I consider all that B-canon at best. If you wanna insist that oh no, the comics totally are what canon is, I’m just gonna point you at the original Star Wars EU, rebranded now as Legends. Hundreds of books, comics, video games, and more, all treated as canon to the point that there was literally a guy at Lucasfilm whose job was rationalizing how they all fit together - and they all got swept away on Disney’s orders. *shrugs*
ATLA will probably still be canon in 10 years. The rest of it? With how often corporations like to reboot things these days, who really knows? And if all the extra stuff does get wiped away and people stop caring about it because “it’s not canon anymore”, did they really even care about it in the first place? I’d rather base my fics on stuff I know I like, build up my headcanons in the direction I want to take them, and just refuse to conform.
So yeah, don’t expect me to care for new canon or go looking for it or bother to make my fanfiction and headcanons compliant with it, because I don’t care on so many levels. ;)
So all that said, here’s a list of things you can expect me to not care about:
The comics in general
Queerphobia even being a thing in the Avatarverse
Ursa’s fate
Whatever’s going on with Azula
That Maiko breakup
Whatever’s going on with that RPG game
Probably a lot more as I think of it, lol
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writerartistdreamer · 6 months
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Title: His light in the darkness
@whumptober @whumptober-archive
Hello and welcome to my next Whumptober story! Can't believe we're about halfway through! I hope you'll enjoy reading this fic, let me know what you think. You can also read it on AO3. Enjoy!
Posting Day: 15
Prompts Day 15: Suppressed Suffering, "I'm fine"
Fandom: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Characters: Rumplestiltskin, Belle
Summary: When Rumplestiltskin finds himself suffering, being pulled away by the voices in his head and drowning in his grief and sorrows, Belle is there to lift him up and try to get through to him.
The first time Belle saw Rumplestiltskin unwell, his thoughts, along with the voices in his head getting the better of him, she stayed in the doorway of the Great Hall for a litttle while. She could clearly tell he wasn't fully present, could tell how such outright sadness was almost swallowing him whole, dragging him away into the depths of Tartarus. The girl approached with silent steps, coming to his side, while the man did not notice her presence and could not even bring himself to acknowledge her, darkness clinging to his every atom. Her hand hesitated before it rested against his shoulder, but her touch had not been acknowledged in any manner. "Rumplestiltskin...what's happened? Are you alright?", Belle asked, growing more and more worried with every second that passed.
Only when the sound of her voice had made itself heard, did Rumplestiltskin react, instantly pushing her away and shoving himself farther away from the little maid in his stool. "Just fine, dearie, now leave me alone before I turn you into a toad", he replied, brooding and grumpy and so deeply angry and upset, his civility was thrown out the window.
"Rumple, you seem to be upset, I just want to know if there's anything I could possibly do to-" Belle tried to intervene and explain herself, yet the man had no patience and not enough warmth within him to even light a candle.
"I said I'm fine, dearie, now LEAVE", the sorcerer warned her, darkness taking over his gaze, a sign of the Dark One being more present than Rumplestiltskin the man could be. Before anything else could happen, he snapped and sent the little maid away, poofing her away to her bedchambers to be left alone.
Belle huffed when she found herself standing in the middle of her room, almost falling back against her bed. She could see he was hurting, pain reaching into his very core and getting the best of him, yet she had no idea how to soothe him. How could you soothe someone who couldn't be helped, who was drowning in an amalgation of voices that were pulling him into the dark? She knew he was not an ordinary man, could notice his suffering ran deep and, as much as he tried to suppress it, it was getting the better of him. The girl saddened at the thought that he had been alone for so long, his loneliness seemed only natural to him, which led to him not being able to let anyone share his grief and his pain, not being able to let it out. The woman headed towards the kitchen and brewed a pot of fresh herbal tea, then brought the tray of tea with his chipped cup filled to the brim and a plate of treats, which she left without a word on the table in the Great Hall.
Only when Belle left the room did Rumplestiltskin stand up from his stool, having heard the sound of the tray being placed on the table, and noticed a steaming cup of tea, with a pot and a plate of tarts resting next to it. Under the cup of tea, he found a small note, written in what could only be the little maid's elegant handwriting, stating "I will be here if you wish to talk or simply find comfort in someone's presence", feeling a pang in the shriveled up coal in his chest he called a heart. He sat on the table and silently picked up his teacup and a tart, letting it all soothe him, if only for a second, and trying to keep the voices at bay.
Later that day, he managed to get up from where he stood and walk up to the library, the thought of his little maid beckoning him like a siren call into her lair. He found her in her armchair, reading a new book she had chosen from the shelves of her new library and simply took a seat by her side, sorrow still clinging to him, yet not wishing to be alone. Belle took notice of his presence, her eyes widening for a moment, which was then followed by a small smile and a hand reaching out for his. Neither of them spoke a word to one another, yet Rumplestiltskin knew he would not be criticized and could be open about his emotions, a novelty in his centuries of living alone, frightening those he dealt with and being taunted by enemies at every corner. Somehow, she as not frightened, had not let herself be pushed away by what she saw when he found him drowning in his internal suffering and offered him something to hold on to, a glimmer of hope that he tried not to let falter away.
Without another word, Belle had flipped to the beginning of her book and began to read out loud for the two of them. Perhaps a story could help distract Rumple for a little while and even let go of his pain by being taken away to a different realm, a different world entirely from the one around him or the one in his head. Surprised, the man turned around to see the girl had returned to the beginning of the story she was in the middle of when he found her, only for him to be able to hear and understand everything that was taking place within the pages of the book, offering him a gateway into her own realms and adventures. He was taken aback by her kindness, by her attempts to soothe the beast of a man that he was, and relaxed in his armchair, letting her voice drag him away from the darkness that took ahold of him and into the light.
The next few times Rumplestiltskin began to drown into the pits of Tartarus, dragged by the voices of the Dark Ones and stabbed in the heart by the absolute grief and sorrow he was feeling, Belle walked in with a freshly brewed pot of tea, a plate of treats and a new book in hand. The two walked over to the settee, sitting next to one another and she began to read out loud, a hand reaching out for the other as their universes came together to form one. Not a single word spoken, just a nod of understanding, a reassuring smile, a new story to be told and two souls constantly finding and reaching for one another, darkness and light in outright harmony.
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aceofthegreenajah · 9 months
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14, 5, 21 WIP meme!
Ooookay (yesss thank you for the questions (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧)
I think I'll answer for both of the fics I've touched within the week
The universe took its time on you:
14. For this chapter? Just took ages to figure out what I wanted next. For the entire fic? I keep trying to make LGQ too thinky - he's an action guy, not someone who wallows inside their head like me or Shen Jiu.
5. Some OC for sure! My original plans called for Shi Yang to be a part of it. But since that has stalled, I might instead do something else involving the yet unnamed Zhi JI succeeding disciple and some ex-brothel women. Shi Yang is cool, the others barely have a personality inside my head, let alone on the page.
21. I don't really do playlists, but let's see... for the whole whole fic Kaunis rietas onnellinen by Kaija Koo
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The lyrics are not that fitting except in a few places but the vibes. The vibes are immaculate.
To give you an idea, the song begins like this:
You've already once seen how this world collapses And still from somewhere among the ashes [you've] risen up again You've already once thought you'll never recover And still there with everyone you shout louder So I can promise that always in the end you'll survive anything
On the other hand, if I think about lyrics Puhu äänellä jonka kuulen by Haloo Helsinki might as well be written by LQG about SJ (if he had a smidge of poetry in his soul). The song's name means Speak with a voice I can hear and the lyrics. are just so accurate. all the way thorough.
For third let's go Valot pimeyksien reunoilla by Apulanta - the song name means Lights at the edges of darknesses.
(if anyone is curious about the lyrics for any of these please enble me. I think translating is fun.)
That which is bright rises twice:
14. Figuring out what über genius Mei Changsu would do ( ╯□╰ )... Why did I decide to write about geniuses... And also figuring out how much info to give out about the power system? It's lived in my head for so long it's hard to remember that no-one else knows, and I'm not a natural infodumper. I think I give too little info if anything usually.
5. All the people from other sects are OC's but honestly, they're not even important enough to be named. I like the sect leader for the small local sect but I don't think she'll show up much after this chapter.
21. uuuh, chinese music with wuxia vibes cos it's the jianghu chapter. I have some of that on my playlists but all of it gives me WoH vibes instead of NiF vibes. this is the anthem of Nirvana in Fire in my head:
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(there was a tumblr post with the lyrics translated once upon a time but I've apparently lost it 🥺)
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blorbologist · 1 year
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3, 7, & 19 for the weird questions for writers ask game :) <3
Answered 3 here!
7. What is your deepest joy about writing?
I really get a huge kick from things coming together! Be it a scene just unfurling from my fingers with great emotion, or tweaking one sentence and finally it all works, or sorting out a plot snarl. There's a satisfaction to getting it right, and then getting to share that and see that emotion echoed in others!
19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?
Well, I was a weird kid ijnkntrkn, my brother and I lived a ways away from most of our friends, the one computer in the house was for Dad's work bar an hour or two, and the TV was usually occupied by our mother. So we spent our days running around and making shit up in the woods (namely fake dinosaur documentaries), telling dramatic stories with our toys and, once we got into school, reading books.
Once we had more access to the computer, I got into RPing Warrior cats and built up my first skills there with those friends, and of course making up fanclans. Had a whole thing where my friend, brother, pet cat and I became Warriors for my main fanclan of the day KNTHKNRTN I think all kids have stories inside them, and want to share them. I think my first real piece of fanfiction was a little post-ending but pre-epilogue Hunger Games thing of Peeta having a panic attack? Or that's what I consider my first fic. It's probably buried in my old laptop somewhere deep.
Over the years I've written here and there. A Fullmetal Alchemist 'where are they now' HC splurge fic. Some Fairy Tail stuff, including a huge angsty Fallout AU I had. My first AO3 fic was for the She-Ra reboot when the ending made me sob in relief and joy, 10k words in ~24 hours in the start of the pandemic. A few CR fics here and there, but nothing substantial. Writing for fun was hard. Really hard.
I think the biggest bump along the way was a slow crawl into a gambling addiction. Fun lil game got its claws into me and sucked my entire soul dry - why bother writing or drawing when the rush of RNG gave me what my brain wanted far more easily? It sucked, it really fucking sucked, and I'm still working off the credit card debt slowly but surely. (It's hard to bring up, but I figured it might do someone good to hear it).
After I quit, it's like I had found the energy and muse I had as a kid, writing thousand-word replies to my friends' RP posts, or huge lore docs about a Pokemon story idea I had with my brother. It was incredible - I'd started writing Courage is a vintage not long before (I think I might have posted it a month prior?) and got involved with the community on here. The amount of joy I got, from exchanging headcanons, from seeing people enjoy what I produced, getting to poke at these characters and see them unfurl, it got something going. And then I started working on One for sorrow, and doing prompt games, and... here I am!
As for where I'm going? Two for joy is on track to finish in the next few months and have its last chapter + epilogue posted within a week-ish of One for sorrow's first chapter. I've written 350k+ words of content since last June, and I'm happier than I've ever been. Maybe part of it is due to where I am in life - doing research, honest to god research, with a cool lab and taking walks daily and getting harassed by my kittens - but I firmly believe part of it is due to this community.
Where I'm going next... well, you know. Can't wait to share it with everyone else ;3
Weird questions for writers ask game!
(I'm answering between bouts of preparing a presentation, so sorry if these take a while to get to!)
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ot7always · 4 years
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Ignorantly, Yours
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Word Count: 10.6k
Pairing: Alpha!Jimin x Omega!Reader
Genre: Wolf!AU, Best Friends to Lovers!AU; fluff, smut, angst
Warnings: dom!Jimin, sub!reader, A/B/O dynamics, heat sex, fingering, unprotected sex, dirty talk (including a bit of possessiveness), marking, creampie, hair pulling, degradation, praise, rough sex, multiple orgasms
Rating: 18+
Summary:  You never could have expected your best friend to show up at your apartment right as you were about to go into heat, but when he did, something in you just wouldn’t let him go.
A/N: Truly, this was never supposed to be more than drabble. Which truly became a nuisance once it grew a lot and I had to go back and change a lot of things during editing. This is my first fic with some sort of supernatural element to it, and I had a lot of fun! I hope you guys enjoy, and please let me know what you think!
Reposted without the header gif and without any links or taglist. Sorry for any inconvenience if you were already looking at the first post. I will reblog with the taglist shortly.
--
Maybe it should have been embarrassing.
Maybe it was, 5 years ago when the habit first started.
5 years ago, when you’d had your first pre-heat. When the world had quickly become too overwhelming, your nose unused to the myriad of scents that assaulted you in your sensitivity. Your skin feeling so raw that even the clothes on your back felt uncomfortable.
It was then, in your childhood bedroom, amidst everything else, you recognized a scent that accompanied you through your life for as long as you could remember. A scent that felt like home, felt like warm days under the sun and shared laughter under blankets at midnight.
Your nose had led you to the bottom drawer of your dresser, your hands digging through the mess of fabric there until you pulled out an orange hoodie. You didn’t remember ever having it, and it looked small enough to have been from years ago – maybe even from before he presented.
But as you pulled it out of that drawer, the scent that might have been faint to you any other day filled your nostrils. A blueberry and pine scent that left you feeling calmer instantly, safer. Whether that had to do more with your friendship or his alpha status wasn’t a thought that crossed your mind. All you knew at the time was that it made everything better – he made everything better, even when he wasn’t there.
That marked the first time you laid in your bed, curling yourself around that small piece of comfort, your face shoved into the soft fabric. The peace that washed over you then was addicting, and any thought of giving up that feeling was unfathomable.
And if Jimin noticed how you were covered in his own scent when he saw you after every heat since that day, he didn’t say a thing.
--
You missed him a lot.
It wasn’t as though his university was that far away, and you should have grown used to it after several years of living apart for most of the year. Weekend visits were hardly enough when you’d spent more time together than apart growing up.
It definitely didn’t feel like enough when you were lying in bed, surrounded by the products of your skillful swiping over the years during Jimin’s visits. Hoodies, t-shirts – you had at least a dozen by now. All of which were tossed across your bed alongside you, your upper body already clad in one of his oversized hoodies.
When your pre-heat started affecting you yesterday, you’d already emailed your professors to tell them you wouldn’t be able to make it to class for the week. They, of course, understood – every university accommodated for their students to get a week off about every 3 months for this exact reason.
You were already overcome by exhaustion, Jimin’s scent wafting around the room lulling you into a sleepy daze.
It was common for an omega to nest amongst an alpha’s scent before their heat, though said alpha would typically be their partner.
It wasn’t something you liked to think on very often. Something like this couldn’t be that uncommon, right? After all, he was your first friend, and that went beyond being an alpha or omega. Besides, if it bothered him, wouldn’t he have already called you out for it by now? Wouldn’t he have said something when he realized that even when you’d started spending every heat with an alpha, his scent was still somewhere in there?
You tried not to worry too much about it. It didn’t matter, anyway.
Based on how you were feeling, you knew your heat would probably be here within 2 or 3 days. Which meant you should probably call someone soon to ask them to help you through it. It was normal practice to ask a friend to help you with your heat, but it was a line you’d never crossed with Jimin. Rejection was never something you dealt with well, and you were too afraid to put him, of all people, in that position. Knowing him, he would agree even if he didn’t want to.
Who, then? Namjoon? Hoseok? Both have agreed before, though the notion of crossing your room to pick up the phone you’d so foolishly left on the dresser was severely unappealing.
Instead, you let your eyes flutter shut, your face nuzzling into a blue and red scarf Jimin had forgotten at your apartment last winter. As the tranquility washed over you, your mind drifted closer and closer to sleep, warm and cozy and surrounded by Jimin’s scent.
Until the doorbell rang through your apartment.
At first you elected to ignore it, hoping whoever it was would get the hint and go away. But when it sounded out 2 more times after you hadn’t moved in several minutes, you groaned.
Wasn’t it bad etiquette to do this to someone? Surely that had to be written in a handbook somewhere.
With heavy limbs, you dragged yourself out of bed, flipping the hood up on your (well, Jimin’s) hoodie. As much as it may have been a bad idea to answer the door by yourself in pre-heat, your scent enveloped by an alpha’s would be enough to ward off unwanted advances. Though there were definitely bad people in the world, it took a truly insane person to go after an omega scented by an alpha.
When you made it to the door, you took a deep breath, preparing yourself to ream out whoever was on the other side. While you could sense someone’s presence there, every apartment was insulated, scent-wise, for protection. You didn’t know what to expect.
But of every possibility, when you opened the door, you didn’t expect to get assaulted by the very scent you’d been basking in only minutes ago. You didn’t notice how his eyes widened or how his pupils dilated when your scent hit him, too preoccupied by your body’s visceral reaction.
The full force of his scent almost had your knees buckling, your eyelids growing heavier as every single part of you instinctively yearned to curl up into him. Maybe your heat was closer than you thought.
When you were finally able to focus your eyes on him, his teeth were biting into his bottom lip, the hand holding an overnight bag clenched so hard his knuckles were white.
You didn’t give him the chance to say anything before you were stumbling forward, colliding messily with him, only focused on getting as close to him as possible.
You barely heard a mumbled ‘shit,’ not registering that he backed you into your apartment until you heard the door slam, his bag hitting the floor.
“Jimin,” you mumbled, your hands grasping at his shirt, eyes closed as you shoved your face into his neck, sighing happily when you were finally as close to the source of your happiness as possible.
But much to your discontent, he pushed you from him, keeping you an arms’ length away. The whimper you let out in response sounded pathetic even to your own ears, but every cell in your body was screaming to get as close to him as possible.
“Y/N,” he said firmly, the unusual hardness in his tone snapping you out of your daze slightly, wide eyes fixing onto his face. He audibly gulped at the glazed look in your eyes, before continuing. “You’re in heat.”
“I’m not,” you whined, trying to push against his hands, but he was stronger than you were.
“You will be,” he responded, letting out an incredulous sigh. “Fuck. I meant to surprise you but I forgot what the date was, I’m so sorry.”
“But I’m not yet,” you complained, changing tactics and instead aiming to shove your nose into the wrists near your shoulders. When your hair swished with your movement, sending a whiff of shampoo and your scent Jimin’s way, he groaned loudly.
“God, I can’t be here, I should go,” he said through gritted teeth. But when he started leaning down to pick his bag back up, you panicked.
“NO!” you yelled, launching yourself at him with your whole weight, not at all concerned about how he stumbled back in surprise. Your hands gripping onto his waist, you looked at him with wide eyes, your irises barely visible around the black of your dilated pupils. “Please don’t leave.”
His composure visibly cracked at the desperation on your face, but the sensation of your hands trembling in their grip on him brought him back to reality. “I can’t stay, I know that you know that-”
“Why?” you cried, your bottom lip trembling. The logical part of you deep inside knew you were being unreasonable, but even that part of you was a slave to instinct. All you knew was that Jimin got you through every pre-heat, and here Jimin was in front of you now. He’d never seen you like this, not ever in the last 5 years. And now that he has, nothing has ever been more unappealing than the thought of him walking out your front door.
He was very clearly taking shallow breaths, eventually bringing his own wrist to his nose to try to drown out everything else. Based on the low grunt he let out, it didn’t seem to be working very well.
“You smell like you’re going to go into heat at any moment, fuck, I can’t,” he panted, every part of him resisting the urge to grab you and scent you until there was absolutely no question whether you were his.
Except you weren’t his.
“I-I...” he stuttered, the scent of you not only clinging to him, but everywhere throughout the apartment occupying every part of his brain. “I need to go, I’ll call someone for you, Hoseok or-”
But that was definitely the wrong thing to say, because you sprung back from him as though you’ve been burned. When you looked at him as though he’d betrayed you, he knew he’d messed up.
“Why? You’re already here,” you spat out. “Don’t go,” you finished in a much weaker voice, pleading gaze fixing onto his.
A flash of pain went through him when he saw you hug yourself around the middle, as though to appear smaller. As though to protect yourself. From him.
“You don’t know what you’re asking of me.”
“I know exactly what I’m asking of you!” you wailed, the space between you feeling wider than it’s ever been.
“I can’t,” he repeated, a tinge of desperation making its way into his tone. Why was this so hard? From what he knew about omega heats and pre-heats, without a partner or relationship you shouldn’t have cared this much about which alpha stayed with you.
“Aren’t we friends? Can’t you just stay?” you begged, eyes brimming with unshed tears. Something about him trying to leave felt like a hole was being ripped through your chest, even if you’d understand why any other day.
“Of course we’re friends,” he said incredulously, a conflicted expression on his face. He knew exactly what you meant, exactly what was implied within that statement. When something like desire crossed his gaze, you felt a dash of hope bloom within you. “But...”
And it was crushed just like that. “Why don’t you want me when I want you? What’s wrong with me?” you sobbed, the tears finally spilling from your eyes as you dropped to your knees.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
The smell of an omega in distress was always something that set off an alpha’s protective instinct.
But the knowledge that he was the one who caused it brought forth an ugly wrenching in his gut.
For all the required readings Jimin had done in the course of his life, nothing had ever taught him what to do when the girl you’re secretly in love with was on the floor crying because you refused to fuck her through her heat.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. God, did he want to.
But you weren’t there begging for his heart or his love or his devotion – you were begging for his body. Which wasn’t the problem. It wasn’t that he was offended. The problem was that he wanted more than this, and that right now was most definitely not the time to have that conversation.
And it’s not that he didn’t think you knew what you wanted. He knew you knew that you were asking for sex, but he also knew that was all you were asking for. Pre-heat was about preparing for sex, not romance.
As much as a heat could completely fog an omega’s brain, in pre-heat they could still make coherent decisions. It was typically a time spent preparing for heat, a time to call an alpha or to prepare for the much more painful option of suffering alone. They were typically in a perpetual state of exhaustion, bodies crying out for sleep to save up energy for their heat.
But more importantly, it was a time where omegas were at their most emotionally vulnerable, where they gave in to instinct. A time where they surrounded themselves in the things that made them feel safest, most at home.
He knew – he knew you used his scent to get through your pre-heat, but he never thought it meant that much. You were his oldest friend, and the fact that you found comfort in his scent was never something he questioned. He was an alpha, and you scented each other often – it made sense from a biology standpoint.
And – oh.
It hit him then that this was more than an alpha’s refusal to help their friend through their heat. This was more than a refusal for sex.
This was your biggest security blanket pushing you away at your most vulnerable, the person you trusted most to keep you safe leaving you when you were begging him to stay.
He really, really fucked up by coming here.
He should have checked the dates properly in the first place, and now he’d have to deal with the consequences. There was an unbelievably high chance that if he walked out that door, you’d have a breakdown, and he couldn’t just break your heart by leaving now.
Even if it ended up breaking his own. Even if you ended up thinking nothing of it, and he would never be able to erase the memory from his brain.
Because you were begging him to stay out of instinct, out of need. Not out of love. Not that he knew of, not the kind he wanted, at least.
But there was no reason to go there or question you about it, because he knew you’d say anything to make him stay, even if it wasn’t true. Not because you were a liar, but because that’s what your body would push you to do right now.
Knowing that the smell of his own panic would just set you off more, he took a couple deep breaths before falling to his knees in front of you. He had to force down the rising upset in his chest at the scent of your tears, every part of him screaming at himself for upsetting you this deeply.
“Hey,” he called out softly, his hands reaching out to gently pull your hands away from where they were hiding your face. At the sight of your red-rimmed eyes and wet cheeks, his heart tugged. “Look at me.” He slipped a hand forward to cradle your head, brushing against the hair at the nape of your neck. He hoped so badly that he could be a comfort to you, even when he was the one who hurt you in the first place.
He waited almost a minute for you to look up, doing his best to calm you in that time. When you finally raised your eyes to look at him, the fear in your expression was something he’d only ever seen a few times in his life. You were an expert at putting on a brave face for the world, and seeing the uncensored pain displayed there punched him in the gut.
“Baby,” he cooed, pulling you into his arms. He carefully maneuvered your face into the crook of his neck, smiling as you melted into his hold, a content sigh leaving you. He wrapped his arms around you, face rubbing into your hair as he stopped resisting the urge to scent you. He ignored the shiver that ran down his spine at your scent that only seemed to be growing stronger.
The two of you stayed like that for several minutes, your body so limp in his grasp that he had to keep both of you upright himself. He couldn’t tell whether you were awake, goosebumps rising to the surface of his skin as your nose brushed against one of the most sensitive parts of his body.
But when he stood up, wanting to get you somewhere more comfortable than the floor, he felt every muscle in your body tense, a low whine leaving your throat. Your hands grasped onto his shirt. “Jimin-”
“Shh,” he soothed, continuing to nuzzle into you as he stood you both up. “I’m not leaving.”
“You’re not?” you repeated, muffled into his shoulder.
“I’m not.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” He scratched lightly at your scalp as the other hand stroked up and down the length of your back, humming when you finally relaxed again, your arms wrapping around to tug him as close as possible. “Good girl.”
Something in him awakened when he heard the hitch of your breath at his words, but he shoved it down. He had to keep a hold of himself while he still had the chance – because once you were in heat, there would be no rest for either of you. Not when it was taking his entire focus to hold himself back right now and it was only your pre-heat.
“I’m gonna take you to your room, okay?” he asked quietly. When you nodded, he scooped you up, your legs wrapping around his waist, head lolling sleepily against his shoulder.
You were very clearly exhausted, and guilt gnawed away at him for it. The emotional ups and downs of the past half hour must have taken even more out of you – while you tended to be quiet, you were never this quiet, not with him. You seemed to be asleep, steady exhales hitting the skin of his neck.
When he entered your room, his heart skipped in his chest at the sight of his belongings strewn across your mattress, a you-sized gap in the middle where you must have been laying. He couldn’t help the pride swelling in his chest, the possessive part of him thrilled at the notion of you burying yourself in his scent.
He supposed he should be happy you were asleep. Omegas tended to be self-conscious about their nest, which was why he was surprised you agreed to let him take you here so easily. The idea that you felt comfortable enough to let him in here without a fight brought forth a feeling in his gut that felt suspiciously like butterflies.
Easing off the shoes he’d never had the chance to remove at the front door, he brought you both down into the bed, careful not to jostle your form. He laid you down together, your body atop his, heart melting at your tiny noise of content.
He had to bite back a moan when you nuzzled further into his neck, your lips brushing against his skin.
Get it together, Jimin.
He didn’t know if he would ever be relaxed enough to sleep when you were on top of him already smelling like every sinful desire he’s ever had. His cock shouldn’t have been stirring when you looked so innocent, your hands curled up ever-so-slightly under his shirt. And despite everything in his mind telling him that he would regret this, his entire body was screaming in anticipation for this entire weekend.
This wouldn’t be the first time he’s helped an omega through their heat, but everything was different because this was you. Someone he cared about, someone he loved, and he knew you loved him too, whether it was in the way he wanted or not. Heat flared in him at the thought of you wet and desperate only for him, begging to be filled. He knew you’d be out of your mind with lust, and even before seeing it he knew it would be the most beautiful sight he’s ever set eyes upon.
Get a hold of yourself, Jimin.
It was absolutely no use to contemplate these things now, especially not when the scent of his arousal might wake you up and set you off prematurely. You both needed rest – he’d be damned if he didn’t make this the best heat you’d ever had just because he was tired.
And so he wrapped his arms around your middle, willing arousal from his brain and replacing it with thoughts of sleep. Luckily, his body must have been able to sense his need for rest before the upcoming days, and sleep found him easier than anticipated.
--
You awoke to your back hitting your mattress, the first thing you noticed being that your body felt like it was being burned alive. But when you inhaled, the scent of pure alpha overtook all thought, brain incapable of anything other than unadulterated need, arousal shooting to your core almost instantaneously.
When your eyes shot open, fire lit within you when they immediately locked onto Jimin’s dark gaze, his body hovering over yours like he was about to pounce. When he took in the neediness in your eyes, his lip upturned in a salacious smirk, stare burning holes into you.
“Rise and shine, little wolf,” he drawled, hands locking onto your ankles and dragging you down the bed until your face was right below his.
You shivered despite yourself at the predatory expression on his face, holding back the whine that threatened to escape. You felt incapable of speaking, every intake of breath only fogging your mind further, the fire in you becoming so potent it was painful.
You couldn’t help the keening whimper that escaped when he roughly fisted a hand into the hair at the nape of your neck, yanking until your entire neck was on display. You gasped and arched into his body with want as he leaned in to inhale deeply right above your collarbone. The feral growl he let out at your scent had you shuddering, trembling hands trying desperately to pull him closer, but he didn’t relent.
“Please,” you begged, shoving your body upwards as much as possible, desperate to feel his body against your own. At the feeling of his canines brushing against the skin of your neck gently, you felt new wetness rush from you. Your desperation was only growing exponentially with every passing moment, and it felt like if you didn’t get touched soon, you would surely die.
“You smell so fucking good,” he snarled, voice raspier than you’d ever heard it before. He sounded almost pained, and it only set you off further. Everything in you ached for his touch, your cunt clenching around nothing despite Jimin not even having touched you yet. You needed it – needed to be touched, you needed him to quell the ache.
“Hurts,” you gasped out, still trying and failing to grind against his body above you.
“Aw, baby, I’m sorry,” he cooed, pressing his free palm down onto your clothed centre. His breath hitched as you started forcefully grinding against it immediately, a choked whine slipping from your lips at the sudden pressure right where you needed it most.
“Alpha...” you moaned, rutting shamelessly against his hand as you pushed further against the hand in your hair, baring more of the soft expanse of your neck. Your eyes shut as pleasure rocked your system, but it wasn’t enough. You needed more, his cock in your drenched cunt, his nails raking down your body as he utterly ravished you. You whined loudly at the thought, arousal slipping from you. It was clear he noticed when he hissed.
“Fuck, look at you. You’re dripping, so fucking desperate,” he panted, somehow sounding almost as ruined as you. “I’m gonna fuck this cunt senseless, fill you up so good you’ll never ask for anyone else again. Do you want that, little omega? Want me to make you mine?”
Any other time you might have questioned his possessive words, but any rational part of your brain was long gone. No, all that existed was you, Jimin, and your excruciating need to be filled.
“Yes, yes, yes,” you cried, whimpering at the imagery he put in your head. You wanted nothing more than to be his bitch, to take his cock and his seed and his knot. “Fuck me, please.”
“You beg so nicely,” he breathed, and you keened at the praise. You gasped as he sat back and quite literally ripped the shirt from your body, following suit with the rest of your clothes. You didn’t have it in you to complain, not when he was yanking your legs apart, gaze laser-focused onto your centre. “Don't worry, baby, your alpha is gonna take care of you, okay?”
You only nodded furiously, hips bucking upward suddenly as Jimin wasted no more time, two fingers smearing through your heat before thrusting abruptly into you. You finally felt some sort of relief at being filled, but it wasn’t enough. The stretch wasn’t satisfying enough, and your desire for more only amplified. But it seemed he knew this, adding another finger wordlessly.
“God, this cunt is so fucking hungry for me,” he growled, pistoning his fingers in and out roughly before grinding the heel of his hand into your clit.
You cried out as pleasure reared on you embarrassingly quickly, but no part of you wanted to cum without his cock inside you, dragging against your sensitive walls.
“Jimin...” you moaned, arching your back as you sought to push yourself closer to the source of your pleasure. He almost groaned at the sound of his name coming so wantonly from your lips. “Want you, please.”
“Yeah? You want to get stuffed?”
The garbled response you gave was nowhere near coherent, but it didn’t take a genius to see what you wanted. When he gave a low chuckle and pulled himself from his sweatpants, you started salivating immediately. He was girthy, vein visibly spanning the underside beneath his hand as he palmed himself. The head looked almost purple, the tip leaking. You needed it inside you.
Before you even realized it yourself, you were turning over onto your front. By the time you’d planted your face down, ass up, Jimin was already growling, roughly digging his fingers into your asscheeks. As several more seconds went by without his cock in you, you arched your back further, whining as he only dug his fingertips in harder.
“Such a good little wolf,” he crooned, hissing when your arousal dripped from your pussy to the bed. “Getting yourself so nice and ready for me. You need cock that badly? Can’t wait for it?”
You could have cried when you finally felt the tip of his cock at your entrance, but you didn’t have time to do or say anything before he shoved all the way in to the hilt without warning.
You must have screamed then, but you hardly noticed anything apart from the way he set a quick pace, hardly noticed when the tears left your eyes, body swimming in relief and euphoria. Every snap of his hips brought forth a moan from your lips, fingers digging helplessly into the sheets by your head.
“Tell me how it feels,” he snarled, moving to hold your hips up when the overwhelming pleasure left you unable to do it yourself.
It was all you could do to whimper, body feeling as though it was in the clouds as your walls clamped down on Jimin’s cock. He was stretching you so well, the slight burn nothing compared to the waves of pleasure he was sending through your entire being. You took a breath to respond to him once you registered what he said, but when his cock brushed against that spot inside you, it only left you as a choked moan.
“This needy cunt just sucks me right in, huh?” he groaned when your walls clenched down on him again, as though to trap him inside you. But it made no difference to him, his thrusts only continuing, fast and precise as your walls fluttered around him, whines falling from your lips. Recalling how responsive you’d been to praise earlier, he kept talking. “Doing such a good job for me, baby,” he hummed, smirking when he felt the shuddering of your body beneath his hands. “So fucking perfect for me, taking this cock so well.”
His words shot through you like fire, and combined with the drag of him inside you, you were propelled toward your end.
“Alpha...” you whimpered, pushing back onto his cock, a particularly rough thrust pulling a shout from your lips. You were so close to slipping over the edge, the squeezing of your walls around him more and more insistent as you approached your end. “Please.” It was as though no other words existed in your vocabulary, but Jimin could read you perfectly well, as though he was made for you.
“What’s that, hm? Baby’s gonna cum?” he taunted before reaching around to rub at your clit. “Let go then, milk my cock. I want to hear you.”
The added stimulation was more than enough to propel you into your orgasm, your mouth agape as your walls clamped down on his cock. You distantly registered Jimin’s moans from above you as he held you up and fucked you through your it, the sparks of pleasure never-ending.
But while his thrusts became less harsh, they did not lower in their intensity whatsoever. And as the fog in your head receded some from your orgasm, you only felt that much more sensation as you regained your bearings.
Rather than a mindless slave to pleasure and want, with your brain partly yours again you could truly feel. Feel the cotton of the sheets where they were clenched between your fists, feel the slight strain in your knees as they dug into the mattress, feel Jimin’s fingers anchored onto your hips, as though you would float away if he let go.
You could truly feel every drag of his cock against you, every grind, and when he perfectly maneuvered to hit against your g-spot, you were left breathless once again.
But with your increased coherence, your body craved more than just cock – you wanted closeness, wanted Jimin’s body against your own, his groans in your ear, his chest against your back.
“Jimin,” you called out, voice needy but noticeably more present.
His thrusts slowed but didn’t stop. “Hm?”
Rather than attempt to formulate an answer, you blindly reached a hand in his direction and made a grabbing motion. It was accompanied by your best impression of some sort of demanding noise, but you sounded like a spoiled brat even to your own ears.
He clearly didn’t mind though, huffing a laugh at your antics before coming down to your level, pressing some of his weight into your back as he nuzzled your neck.
“This what you want, baby?” he asked, wrapping his arms snugly around your middle. It would almost be cute, if not for the snap of his hips he opted to punctuate his question with.
You could only shiver and take it as he set a slow but intense pace, his cock slowly dragging out of you before he thrusted forward quickly in one single motion. But even in its intensity it was intimate, his lips tracing nonsensical patterns into the skin of your shoulder, his moans increasing in volume as you whined your pleasure.
His pace slowly but surely built you back up toward a second release, Jimin’s thrusts growing faster as he approached his own end. It wasn’t long before your moans were increasing in volume again, hips squirming beneath Jimin’s as that pressure in your abdomen only built and built.
“Gonna cum for me again, little wolf?” he growled directly into your ear, digging his fingers in close to your scalp and pulling your face up out of the sheets. No longer muffled, your moans were loud and unabashed, your pleasure surrendered entirely to him.
“I’m gonna fill this cunt up, gonna stretch you wide, is that what you want?”
As much as you were more coherent than last time, the effect his voice had on you was visceral, eyelids fluttering shut and goosebumps raising on your skin. When you only nodded with what little movement you could make within his grasp, he growled.
“Answer me!”
“Yes, yes!” you pleaded, eager to please. “Want you to fill me up, Jimin, please.”
“Such a good girl,” he moaned in response, moving to suck bruises into your neck. The thought of being marked by him for all to see only lit a new fire within you.
But when you felt the press of his canines brushing against the sensitive part of your neck, it was as though something in you snapped. You almost squealed as the orgasm rained down on you unexpectedly, something resembling ‘Jimin’ spilling from your lips, though you paid it no mind.
You were so lost in your pleasure you hardly noticed Jimin’s gruff yell from above you as he came, only registering it as his knot started to stretch you.
He shushed you gently as you whined, warmth still spilling into you as it finished inflating. Panting breathlessly against your back, he softly cupped your face as you caught your breath.
The stretch was more overwhelming than painful, every tiny movement seeming to shift his knot inside you enough to make you gasp. You should have grown used to the feeling by this point in your life, but it managed to catch you off guard every single time. You never felt ready for the immense stretch or the soreness that lingered between waves of your heat.
After several minutes of silence, breaths finally quieting, he spoke up.
“Are you okay?” he asked, hands reaching to keep you from squirming too much under him, knowing you’d only make the discomfort worse. “Relax for me.”
You nodded in response, letting yourself release the tension from your limbs as he continued to gently nose at your neck. His scent washed over you, but in this brief limbo between waves of your heat it spurred only calmness rather than arousal.
For you, at least, the first wave was always the worst in terms of self-control and mindedness. That was why it was essential for omegas to share their heat only with someone they could trust – if not a partner, then a friend. While omegas were at their most emotionally vulnerable during pre-heat, they were at their most physically vulnerable during the heat itself. In theory, Jimin could have done whatever he wanted, and you would have begged for it.
He hummed in approval when you went still beneath him, rolling the two of you onto your side so that you were no longer supporting his weight.
“Sleepy?” he inquired softly as he watched you stifle a yawn.
You only nodded again, reaching for Jimin’s hand to make him wrap it around you more snugly, pressing yourself as close to him as possible. You shivered as his knot shifted with your movement, though it didn’t ache as much as it did initially. You felt so full, his cock still half-hard within you, release still painting your walls with nowhere to go.
You let your eyes shut, soreness and exhaustion taking up residence temporarily before the next wave. As much as a heat could feel so intense it hurt, you found that the time between each wave was truly the most difficult. It was the time where every ounce of muscle pain and sleep deprivation hit you, but it was also the time where, to put it simply, if you didn’t recharge you were fucked.
Heats were strenuous on the body, and it unfortunately wasn’t abnormal for omegas to be brought to the emergency room from dehydration and malnutrition from their heat. That was why the medical professionals tended to encourage of-age omegas to spend their heats with a trusted partner – it was just safer altogether. It was difficult to push past the fog of exhaustion to take care of yourself when you were on your own, though not impossible.
A tiny whine was the only acknowledgment you gave when you felt his knot go down enough to slip from you. You made a noise of complaint as Jimin pulled from your side, but he quickly returned to you, wiping away the mess that was now between your thighs.
“If I help you, can you sit up?”
After hearing your noise of affirmation, he pulled you up so that your back rested against the headboard, careful not to move you too quickly. But despite that, you couldn’t help the lightheaded feeling that came with the motion, reaching out to steady yourself on Jimin’s arm.
When he took in your rapid blinking and unfocused eyes, his concern grew exponentially. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Tired,” you mumbled, leaning into his touch when he moved to stroke your face.
“Let’s eat something and then we can nap, okay?”
“Mm.”
He moved away from you quickly to grab things from under your bed. One of the first things they taught omegas after presenting was that it was essential to keep a food and drink store in your room during your heat. One of the most important parts of pre-heat was not only securing a heat partner if desired, but also packing enough nutrient-rich food and drinks to last through your heat if you’re unable to leave the room.
You hadn’t realized you’d dozed off until Jimin’s hand on your shoulder startled you awake. He took your hand in his own only to wrap your fingers around an energy bar he’d opened for you.
“Eat,” he commanded, though the soft, caring tone characteristic of Jimin never left his voice.
The thought of putting in effort to do anything was unappealing, but once you started, you realized how famished you were. When you finished your first bar within moments, he handed you a second, eating some for himself at the same time.
He didn’t waste any time with handing you a Gatorade bottle once you were finished eating, ensuring you could hold it yourself before getting his own.
As much as he seemed to be in a rush, this was a better safe than sorry type of situation. While sometimes you could squeeze in some sleep between waves of your heat, it sometimes felt like one huge gamble in terms of time. You’ve had downtimes of as little as 10 minutes in the past, so you were grateful that he was hurrying you along.
When he noticed you stopped drinking, he grabbed it from you to place it on the nightstand a safe distance away from the bed.
“Do you want anything else?” he asked, shoving all of the garbage into a bag to deal with another time.
“You.”
He turned around quickly, thinking you were going into your next wave, but froze at the sight of you simply blinking up at him sleepily.
He bit down on his lip to suppress a fond smile when you reached for his hand, severely hoping his face wasn’t as red as it felt.
He let you tug him forward, settling beside you in bed before pulling you securely into his side.
As much as you might have loved to talk or quietly cuddle, you were out like a light as soon as you laid your head down on his shoulder, face tucked securely into his neck.
--
The next two days went by in a blur. You never tended to remember very many specific moments from your heats besides that you felt good, and were definitely sore after. The combination of physical and mental exhaustion along with the mind-numbing desire didn’t seem to be conducive to proper brain function.
Fuck. Eat. Fuck. Eat. Nap. Rinse. Repeat.
“Kiss me,” you demanded, pulling Jimin down toward you by his shoulders.
From what you could tell, it was the last day of your heat, also making for the most coherent day. The consequences of not sating your heat on the last day were more uncomfortable than painful, and the sex almost resembled what it would any other day.
He obliged you easily, mouth meeting yours as he snapped his hips, filling you up and stretching you all in one stroke. He nipped at your lower lip as you moaned freely, arching your back to feel as much of his skin as possible.
You couldn’t help the increase in volume when he settled with his length in you, grinding his pubic bone into your clit. It seemed that Jimin was feeling similarly, both of you simply panting by each other's mouths rather than doing any sort of kissing like you’d intended.
It was only minutes before you felt the familiar tightening in your abdomen, Jimin groaning above you when he felt you clench around him. You whimpered as he sucked new bruises into the skin of your neck, a shiver making its way down your spine as he reached the soft skin below your ear.
But every part of you was screaming out for more.
“Mark me.”
Jimin froze instantly at your words, but it seemed that you weren’t properly considering the weight of your words, only urging him to continue his motions in search of your high.
A mark wasn’t permanent, but it was no small thing. More than a mark of “possession,” it was a mark of an alpha's care and loyalty, a mark of an omega’s trust. It was only something ever shared in serious relationships, and it would sometimes take partners years to reach that point.
“Jimin,” you whined when he ignored what you said. Every instinctive part of you wanted it so badly, your head subconsciously tipping back to give him easier access.
“No.”
“Jimin...”
“Don’t you know what you’re saying?”
“Please-”
“I said no,” he snarled, speeding up the snap of his hips enough that you were shifting up the bed. “Tomorrow, when this is all over,” he panted above you, teeth bared, “Then we’ll talk.”
He didn’t let you get a word in edgewise, continuously pulling himself from you fully before abruptly sheathing himself to the hilt once again.
You were left gasping for breath, swimming in sensation as your abdomen tightened, all else forgotten for the time being.
When he shifted to one side, a hand dropping to rub circles into your clit, you saw white. Your nails sharply dug into the skin of Jimin’s back where they were held, waves of pleasure battering you nonstop as he continued his thrusts.
But it was only moments later that he seated himself into you fully, warmth spilling into you as his knot inflated for the nth time since your heat began. It didn’t leave you gasping the same way as the first time, but a groan still wrenched itself from your throat at the sensation.
As soon as his body collapsed onto yours, you knew that your heat was finally over. The feeling was inexplicable, almost as though a weight had been lifted from the back of your mind.
You might have addressed the words uttered from your mouth only moments before if not for the debilitating fatigue that filled every limb and every square inch of your brain.
So, against your best judgment on any other day, you knocked right out.
--
When you next awoke, it wasn’t because desire ripped you from slumber, nor was it because your scent set off Jimin enough to wake you.
In fact, you were alone in your bed, immediately cringing at the sight of all the questionable stains dotting the sheets.
Good thing you had a mattress pad.
You sat up, wincing as every muscle screamed in protest. From your neck all the way to your fingertips, everything hurt. You’d probably be feeling this for days. It definitely didn’t help that the stench of sex was so strong you could feel a headache coming on.
You didn’t have time to ponder on Jimin’s whereabouts before he was coming back in through the doorway, half-dressed with water in hand.
He sent you a smile when you met eyes, but it was lost on you because as soon as he was here, every interaction over the past few days flooded your mind at once. And this time, there were no hormones to mask proper thought.
You asked – no, begged – him to stay. Even when he told you no.
You’d practically thrown a tantrum, what was wrong with you? Since when did your pre-heat make you throw respect out the window?
He wasn’t here because he wanted to stay, he was here because you forced him to. He was here because you were pathetic enough to get on the floor and beg him to stay, and Jimin, for the life of him, didn’t know how to say no to people. How could he look at you right now?
“Y/N?” he called, sounding puzzled. He must be able to smell your rising distress coming off you in waves, but you paid him no mind as you continued to recall the past few days, hating yourself more and more with every passing second.
You’d basically forced him to stay with you and fuck you for nearly four days without ever talking about it before.
It was more difficult to put together the pieces of what happened in your heat, memories mostly a blur of pleasure and then sleep.
But-
Fuck.
“Mark me.”
Your blood ran cold instantly.
Were you fucking insane? You dug your fingernails into your palms harshly to check if you were dreaming. Unluckily for you, you weren’t.
Was there any coming back from this? You couldn’t blame him if he could never look at you the same, if he never spoke to you again. Who would tell their heat partner – the first time they spent a heat together – to mark them?
It didn’t matter that you’d known each other since before you were even forming proper memories. It didn’t matter, because that wasn’t how this worked. You didn’t just ask your friends to mark you, no matter how much you loved each other.
A mark was something you shared with someone you intended to be lifelong partners with. Someone you’d dedicate your life to, someone you might want to have kids with someday.
God, what was wrong with you?
You didn’t notice his approach until a hand met your shoulder, too engrossed in staring at the floor as thoughts whirred in your head.
“What is it?” he asked, concern quickly turning into panic at finding you in this state with no explanation.
But it was as though with one touch, the floodgates broke, and angry tears started spilling from your eyes. Tears that had nothing to do with Jimin and everything to do with yourself.
He jumped back slightly in surprise, and you didn’t give him the chance to touch you again before you were furiously wiping the wetness from your face.
“God, are you okay? Did I hurt you?” he questioned frantically, hands returning to your shoulders as he angled his face to try to meet yours, but you only kept turning your head to avoid him. He looked like he didn’t know what to do with himself, whether to join you on the bed or continue hovering awkwardly from the bedside. “Talk to me, please-”
“Do you hate me?” you choked out, eyes fixed on a random, insignificant spot on the sheets.
That seemed to quiet him instantly. “Huh?”
“I forced you here,” you whispered, though it seemed that the words didn’t want to stop once they started, volume only rising as you carried on. “You came here to be nice and then you tried to leave and I didn’t let you. You said no so many times and I begged you to stay until you couldn’t say no anymore! I don’t even know what I was thinking, I guess I wasn’t thinking at all-”
“Hey-”
“I’m so sorry, I don’t know how you must think of me right now but I wouldn’t blame you if you thought I was disgusting, I think I’m disgusting, god-”
“Hey, look at me,” he urged, prodding lightly at your chin until you raised your head enough to meet his gaze. When he saw your red eyes and miserable expression, it was as though a piece of himself broke. “I stayed because I wanted to.”
“You didn't, I remember you told me no, you ‘wanted to’ because I made you.”
“It’s not like that,” he replied, expression almost pained.
“Don’t lie to me to make me feel better,” you snarled, though it came off more broken than aggressive. “Stop trying to protect me, tell me when you’re mad at me!”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“Jimin-”
“You trust me, don’t you?”
The sudden question was enough to give you pause. “You know I do.”
He took a moment to settle onto the bed beside you, stretching out an arm to invite you in to lay with him. After only a moment of hesitation, you did.
“Then trust me when I say I wanted to stay,” he said firmly, stroking calming circles into your side. “You know I don’t like lying to you.”
It was true, he didn’t. Which summoned the question – if he wanted to stay, why did he refuse so many times? Were you sure he wasn’t lying now?
No – that wasn’t Jimin. Plus, you knew him so well that you doubted he would lie to you about something this serious, not when he was such an open book. But you didn’t have long to think about it before he piped up again.
“You asked me something yesterday,” he started, and you could hear in his tone that he was treading carefully.
You tensed up immediately when you processed his words, breath quickening as you anticipated what he was about to say. Was this the part where he told you he’s not mad he stayed, but he never wanted to speak to you again? You’d relaxed enough in the past few minutes that you’d almost forgotten about what you’d said yesterday. Almost.
“Why?” he asked simply.
Why. An obscenely loaded question contained within one 3-letter word. And yet, an answer wasn’t so easy.
“I don’t know,” you stalled.
“Don’t do that,” he scolded. “Really think. I know you, and I know you’d never be that nonchalant about a mark, ever. What changed?”
“Nothing changed!”
He only turned to give you a disapproving look before leaning his head back against the headboard and shutting his eyes. It was clear that he wasn’t going to make any more conversation until you properly pondered his question and gave him a real answer.
Why?
Did you even know why?
You wished you could say it just slipped out, that there was no other reason.
Maybe any other time you’ve said something questionable or downright stupid that would fly, but not for something like this.
Even at their drunkest, people didn’t ask their friends to marry them with the full intent of following through and starting life as an actual married couple.
Just the same, an omega doesn’t just ask a friend to mark them, mate them, not even in heat. Omega heats made it a fairly common occurrence to fuck your friends (at least, a select few) while unmarked, and it wasn’t as though the desire to be marked stemmed from a heat. If it were, platonic marking would be a thing already. And sure, marking made sex feel better, but heats were sexual, and marks were... more.
That was the problem, wasn’t it? There was no easy excuse, no escaping this.
One might say an omega was a slave to instinct in their heat, but instinct didn’t come from nowhere.
The instinct to nest came from the pursuit of safety in a vulnerable time. The instinct to ‘hibernate’ came from the need to save up energy for a heat. The instinct to scent came from the desire for intimacy and comfort. The instinct to fuck came from hormonal cycles and the body’s inherent goal to breed.
The instinct to be marked as an omega? To ask for it?
The need for emotional security, to know that your feelings were returned – attraction, desire, love.
Love?
If your love for Jimin was supposed to be a secret, it wasn’t a very well-kept one. You talked every day since you were kids, knew each other's mannerisms so well you didn’t need words to communicate, gravitated toward each other in every group setting, cried together when you separated for university...
You loved him, without a doubt. It was obvious. But was it more than that? Was your body trying to tell you something that you didn’t even consider?
“I...” you started but immediately trailed off, limbs so tense you almost seemed ready to run away. This wasn’t a conversation you ever imagined could take place.
“Don’t be scared. You can tell me anything.” Were you imagining things, or did his tone sound almost... hopeful?
“I’ve never asked someone to mark me before this.”
He only hummed lowly in response. You knew that he knew this already, but it seemed that this time, he wouldn’t call you out for circling around the question.
“I’ve never met someone who I felt more for than you. Safe, comfortable, happy, loved.” You paused, taking a deep breath. “I love you a lot, you know?”
His breath hitched despite himself, even though he knew you didn’t mean what he wanted you to mean. “I know,” he replied, sounding almost disappointed.
“But...”
“But?” he responded, allowing that tiny thread of hope to wind around his heart one more time.
“But I don’t know what I’m feeling,” you finished, panic increasing exponentially by the end of your sentence, your body almost feeling as though it was trembling.
“Hey, it’s okay,” he rushed, bringing you closer to rub his cheek into your hair. Was it cruel of him to feel some sort of joy at your words when you were clearly scared and confused?
His scent washing over you helped calm you some, but even still, you couldn’t stop thinking. What were you feeling? Did you want something more than friendship, or was this entire situation just putting thoughts in your head? Sure, you were undeniably compatible sexually, and sure, you found him attractive, but did you want a relationship? A romantic one? But even then, how much would that really change? What did you want? Would Jimin be disgusted with you? Let you down easily? It would have to be the latter, right?
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked-”
“No,” you cut him off.
“Huh?”
“You should’ve. I can’t be stupid forever.”
“You’re not stupid.”
“I am stupid, what kind of person doesn’t know whether they...” Even despite knowing he could tell exactly what you were trying to say, the words wouldn’t come from your lips. Were you in denial? Embarrassed? Something else?
“Emotions don’t have to be straightforward.”
“I wish they were.”
He breathed a laugh at that. “Believe me, I know.”
“Jimin, be honest with me.”
“I’m always honest with you.”
“Let’s say, hypothetically, you have this friend. You’re very good friends – best friends even. You see each other as much as possible, all that. And she tells you one day she wants to talk.”
“Oh? What’s her name?”
“Uhhhhh...” you paused, pulling out the first name that came to mind. “Susan.”
He choked back a laugh, though you could still feel his chest bouncing beneath your head. “My friend Susan. Okay, go on.”
“And she tells you that something happened, and it spurred this huge train of thought that had never occurred to her before. Something that made her think about your entire relationship as friends, and made her think about herself.”
“Uh huh...”
“And she had to wonder, how much of her heart was invested in this relationship? That answer was easy – all of it. But what really had her confused was what parts of her heart were in it.”
You fidgeted nervously, but instead of saying something, Jimin only reached for one of your hands, intertwining your fingers together.
“But what really scared her the most was – how would you react? What happens when your best friend tells you that maybe your love for them extends beyond friendship?”
You took several deep breaths, trying to muster up the courage to finish the ‘story’ you’ve started. There was no backing out of this now. Your hand squeezed his hard enough that it must have hurt him, though he didn’t seem to mind.
“If she told you she thought she loved you as more than a friend, how would you respond?” you asked, trying to inject as much nonchalance into your voice as possible and failing miserably. You could feel your palms getting sweatier, and you thought your teeth might chew straight through your bottom lip. You held your breath once you heard Jimin take one of his own, preparing mentally for whatever was about to leave his lips.
“I would tell her I love her back.”
It was as though time stopped. “You... you what?”
Unwilling to let you hide your face anymore, he pulled you over so that you were straddling him, your heart filling when your eyes met his, full of honesty and understanding and... love.
“I would tell her I love her back. That if she wanted me, I was hers.”
Your eyes searched his face desperately for several seconds longer, waiting for the moment this bliss would break, the moment he took his words back, left you heartbroken before you’d even properly processed that it was his to break. But that moment never came.
“Really?” you whispered, eyes wide and screaming with vulnerability, but also wonder. The petty part of him wished he could fault you for being so oblivious, but it wasn’t your fault that you two had simply never outgrown the innocent intimacy from childhood, even after presenting.
“Really.”
“I do want it. You. I want to try. If you can be patient with me.”
“Okay. Give me a chance and I’ll make you fall in love with me for sure.”
“Oh.” As hard as you tried to purse your lips, the smile still broke its way through, eyes crinkling happily as every insecurity felt like it left at once. Was it this easy? Could happiness come so quickly in a moment, just like that?
“Oh,” he replied simply, beam splitting his face at your barely-contained joy, your expression so innocent even after all that happened the past few days.
“Oh,” you repeated, though this time the word undoubtedly seemed to harbour more weight, brows furrowing.
“Hm?”
“That’s why you said no, isn’t it? The reason you wanted to stay but tried to leave?”
The sad smile that spread across his face at that was all the answer you needed, the briefly-forgotten guilt coming back instantly.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” he assured, pulling you close enough that your bodies were plastered together. “It all worked out anyway, right?”
You nodded, relaxing in his arms. If your brain wasn’t going a mile a minute right now, you were so comfortable you could’ve slept like this.
You allowed yourself several minutes to simply lay in his arms, that familiar blueberry-pine scent making you heart feel lighter and lighter.
“So,” you mumbled.
“So.”
“What changes now?”
“What do you want to change?” he replied.
“I asked first.”
He chuckled lightly. “Fine. Well...” You leaned back in confusion when he started pushing you up and off of him. “I think being able to do this is a good change.”
He leaned his face into yours, giving you a moment to back away before gently pressing his plush lips to yours.
You’d kissed already in your heat – you remembered that much. But this wasn’t a kiss that demanded your surrender, nor was it fast, or rough. It was just soft, intimate – because sometimes, emotions were easier said through actions rather than words.
You slid your hands into his hair, dragging your nails against his scalp as you deepened the kiss. His hands traced nonsensical patterns into the skin of your back, holding you close as though you’d ever want to leave. It was so easy to get lost in him, in the way he held you, touched you, kissed you, as though you were something to be cherished.
It wasn’t long before the kiss started to get more heated, though, and you couldn’t help yourself from nipping at his bottom lip. He made a low noise in response, a hand moving to grip your ass as the other winded its way into your hair.
It was when his hand made contact with your bare ass that you remembered that you were naked throughout this entire ordeal. And just as you processed that, his hand started inching its way slowly but surely between your legs.
“I think the fuck not, Park Jimin,” you gasped, breaking the kiss and throwing his hand from your body.
He burst into bright laughter at your words, eyes forming crescents that would make any person’s day better. His happiness was contagious, and you couldn’t hold back the giggles at the sound of him.
“How sore are you?” he questioned, tiny giggles still escaping him. You thought you detected a hint of concern somewhere in there, but you couldn’t blame him for being in an obscenely good mood.
“Ugh. Are you not sore at all?”
“Not really? Mostly hungry, I guess.”
“I hate you. It feels like all of my limbs want to detach from their sockets, and don’t even get me started on what it feels like between my legs. You and your dick can go die.”
Your words only set off another round of laughter from him, his grin wide as he took in your fake pout.
“Are you sure you want that? You seemed to enjoy it from where I was standing. You’re sending me mixed signals here,” he teased.
You let out a childish noise of complaint. God, was this what you were getting yourself into? You were already used to his antics by now, but now you had to deal with them while he flirted too? Someone send help.
“Pity me a bit,” you whined, giving him the best wide-eyed pout you could muster. Though, it only seemed to raise his mood even more.
“I’m sorry I broke you,” he said.
You smacked him a bit harder than you would normally. “Jiminnnnnnnnn,” you said, stringing out the word for as long as a breath would allow.
“If I made you food, would you forgive me?”
“...I’m listening.”
“What if I said I already made you food?”
“What?!” you perked up, any grudge you might have held disappearing in an instant. “What did you make?”
“Lay down and find out in 5 minutes, I’m tired,” he responded, laying down comfortably and encouraging you to do the same. You didn’t require much convincing, cuddling back into his side. This position wasn’t anything abnormal for you two, but it felt different now. Newer, more intimate.
Needless to say, 5 minutes turned into 2 hours after you’d both fell asleep.
But when Jimin placed a bowl of re-heated stir-fry in front of you 2 hours later, you would say he secured his place as fully, unequivocally yours.
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babesonly · 3 years
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fic recs 2.0!
hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest
Canonverse
I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)
I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.
Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.
"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.
a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it
on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)
“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”
hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible
dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)
Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.
dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh
Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)
Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.
hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !
walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)
Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.
S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god
the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)
Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."
MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids​ purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god
Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)
Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.
Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs
JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS. 
hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)
Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.
they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah
Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)
In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.
sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...
an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)
Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.
The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.
hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life
Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)
This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny. 
ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...
love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)
ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!
These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.
for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot
the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)
“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”
“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.
And it used to belong to someone else.
this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out
Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)
Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.
cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much
Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)
The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.
written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3
sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)
"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.
very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good
Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)
“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”
Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.
early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please
Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)
Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.
Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.
oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot
all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)
“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”
Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.
“I mean it,” Dean insisted.
“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”
hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good
The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)
He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.
this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading
till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)
Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.
hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3
First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)
“We should go on a date. You and me.”
Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.
“I’m asking you out, Cas.”
this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together
Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)
Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”
op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible
the shape you take by noviembre (10k)
“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”
And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”
Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:
Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.
Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”
--
Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.
dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you
Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)
Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).
yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?
you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)
Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.
Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.
love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean 
The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)
While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.
a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible
No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)
“We should fuck,” Dean says.
Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.
There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.
Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”
literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex
Bodies by Speary (18k)
It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.
i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality
it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)
So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.
“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”
“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.
Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.
“What do you remember, Cas?”
“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."
or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?
BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.
More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)
Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.
He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.
Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.
this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!
Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)
"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."
Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.
Dean was done with this shit.
***
Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.
it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease 
I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)
His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.
His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.
this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this
To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)
Title: Just One of Those Things Author: Impala67 Series: TOS Rating: M Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.
In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.
mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this
where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)
“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”
this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot
Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)
After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.
Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.
yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3
Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)
In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.
(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)
cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much
Emergence by ellispark (58k)
Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.
A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.
another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god
a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)
Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.
Frigging fantastic.
(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)
cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved
Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)
Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds
Or
An ethics lesson from Hell
Or
The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.
deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended
Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)
Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.
There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.
Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.
With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.
saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read
Casefic/Roadtrip Fic
Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)
Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.
He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.
Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.
Castiel stills.
“Dean?”
the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much
before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)
The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.
chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now
we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)
Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.
fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.
thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)
After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.
OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.
this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good
Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)
It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.
actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this
best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)
It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.
the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this
the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)
This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.
alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times
Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)
Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.
Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.
Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.
hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much
Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)
Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.
Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?
one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3
Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial
Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)
Based on the tumblr textpost:
jellydeans: so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time katebushstandean: #jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store
this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face
Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)
“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.
Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.
“What is it, Cas?”
“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.
“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”
There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.
dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.
tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)
Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.
It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.
Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.
Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.
Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.
i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much
Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)
Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.
Dean will tell him—
Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.
cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3
dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)
Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.
Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.
obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny
Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)
The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.
Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.
the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good 
Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)
When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:
Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.
The reality of the moment is this:
It’s fucking cold.
dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences
my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)
“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.
The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.
--
In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.
one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am
killing time by orestespdf (11k)
It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.
(A character study of Castiel.)
perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.
and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)
Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.
--
aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.
a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah
for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)
'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken
"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "
Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.
mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD
swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)
Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.
Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.
this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through
looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)
"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."
Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.
EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal
what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)
It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.
~~~
"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"
"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."
deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic
Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)
Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.
So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.
And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.
"Hello, Dean."
oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this
break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)
The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.
SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss
ascend by quiettewandering (53k)
Something in the world is wrong.
Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.
But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.
Or can it?
SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should
oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)
Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.
~~~
"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"
Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.
Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.
"What?" Dean grits out.
"I love you, too."
the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying
Endverse
final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)
“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”
"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."
endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god
The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)
The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."
this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds
to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)
cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.
oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao
the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)
The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.
this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach
Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)
There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.
The outcome's known. Why try? Return your rusty sword to battered sheath, bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why take the field when you cannot win the war? But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.
PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.
Non Supernatural AUS
Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)
Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”
Reflexively, Dean laughs.
Castiel does not.
“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”
look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it
One White Lie by komodobits (11k)
Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.
He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”
do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.
separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)
Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.
~~~
For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.
God, he's so fucking stupid.
Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.
"Three years ago," Cas prompts.
Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."
this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please
Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)
The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.
(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).
this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him
Non Destiel Centric
gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)
sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want? 
HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god. 
the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)
Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.
required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good
Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)
In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)
for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3
Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)
Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."
this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this
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weshallc · 2 years
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Al's Two Penneth. Well, it's more like half a crown.
So, it's that time of year again. Thank you to everyone who posted recently. We need to have an open fandom. If I haven't touched on one of your points sorry, it may be something about a character that doesn't bother or interest me, but I may turn up on your post later if I feel inspired.
Series 10 and 11; we have the addition of social distancing to the conversation. So, I will get that out of the way first, nice to have a new topic.
As has already been stated I don’t think we can compare a work environment with babies and new mams, elderly folk and people who may be vulnerable with the main cast photographed together at a social occasion such as a theatre production or awards night. I know this is a contentious issue, but I don’t believe they were at a work event (ahem). What they do in their own time is up to them and the venue’s management. Neal Street will be following strict protocols within the workplace to avoid large fines and to keep its employees safe.
Saying that, I felt the direction could have been better this series. In some places, it's been bloody awful. I guess this is a learning curve for everyone. I had similar thoughts to @earnestlylost prior to Series 10 that the cast would be assigned bubbles and the stories maybe centre around a Nonnatus Bubble, Turner and Maternity Home bubble, a newsagent bubble with the Buckles and Robinsons. I thought there would be fewer guests and just one main story giving time for some cast development.
I haven’t watched any shows with large casts such as soap operas and I’d be interested in knowing how they adapted. I do watch All Creatures Great and Small and I noticed the direction is much more subtle. They however, have a much smaller cast and a lot of the action takes place outdoors. I think they are on location for most of the filming, so it is much easier to form a cast and crew bubble.
I must admit I do miss the use of popular songs of the time, but I guess that’s expensive and runs into difficulties when the show is sold internationally. I find the original music a bit melodramatic for my taste and not always reflective of the era. It does seem a bit quieter or maybe I’m just desensitised. Nice to hear The Mirror again and I like the music in episode 4. I’m not a big fan of auld Jenny and the voiceovers. I must admit it was something that put me off the show when it was first aired, but I can live with them and sometimes people make nice posts out of them.
Speaking of which, “so there are just a lot of photosets and scattered comments" go easy @snoopctm I feel rumbled ;) . I would love you to start up your Tuesday and Thursday posts again. There is one thing I might add. I love discussing the show and episodes, but it is worth remembering Fandom etiquette. If someone writes a post about a certain topic and it promotes discussion, that’s great, but hijacking the post to bash your particular tambourine is not so great. Just start a new post and maybe add so and so’s post made me think of this and so and so might even be happy to respond to your new topic in an original post .
Shelagh, Shelagh, Shelagh! I think I have been watching a different show for the last 9 years, but Shelagh is still Shelagh to me. She was somewhat softer in series 2, for the whole romance vibe. That’s why I have never written her past series 2, too difficult for me to get her character right, almost impossible to write her in AU, because she is very much mired in the 1950 housewife mode. I found she just doesn’t lend easily to modern storylines. I know I have tried. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy reading all the excellent Turnadette fics and enjoy being privy to people’s aspirations for the character including my own, but we’ve romanticised Shelagh so much as a fandom. I doubt anyone’s idea of the character corresponds with anyone else’s by now, especially Heidi's.
I have to admit; I enjoy watching Dr T work with Phyllis and Trixie. I think there is a good work chemistry between these characters. The Turner medical scenes have a tendency to turn into infomercials. If it was on ITV, the adverts would all be for pile cream and breast pads.
Other thoughts:
We’ve gone from: 4 nuns, 4 nurses, 1 handyman, 1 doctor, 1 child, 2 love interests (13)
To in series 11: 4 nuns, 4 nurses, 1 non-Nonnatun based nurse, 1 handyman, 1 nephew, 1 shopkeeper/ councillor, 1 doctor, 4 kids, 1 teenager, 2 love interests. (20) plus a more frequent guest from the mother house. Edit* 1 receptionist, so that is 21 regular cast.
I actually love all the characters. I think Reggie, Sister Frances and Hilda have been great additions and I’m really warming to Nancy she offers that young swinging 60s vibe that Lucille doesn’t quite fulfil (she has another story to tell.) and Trixie needs to hand the young frivolous baton on once and for all.
Add two storylines with their own casts. It really is top heavy. I have really enjoyed the main storylines of this series, but I have been left wanting more. I feel at times they are too neatly wrapped up with an auld Jenny voiceover and I still have unanswered questions.
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lostinfantasyworlds · 2 years
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Hi! First of all, I just wanna say that UNTL is definitely one of my best reads this year. Thank you for sharing that masterpiece.
What should we look forward to next year? Any WIPs?
Omgggg I am so honored sldkfja;sd thank you so so so much 🥺😭 ❤️I just —
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I do have a few WIPs and I will give little summaries of each under the cut!! They are in order of when I will most likely finish them)
 Under the Northern Lights post-canon PWP oneshot - I’ve had all kinds of little snippets pop into my head of Inuyasha and Kagome’s lives together within the UTNL universe, and I always write them down. Most of them are smutty because I can’t seem to help myself hahahaha. This one is the most fully-formed idea that I had a few months ago, and wrote down a whole rough draft in my phone. It actually takes place on New Year’s Eve, which is why I was hoping to have finished UTNL well before the end of the year so that I could have posted this follow up oneshot on/around NYE, but OH WELL. It’s mostly just porn anyways, but includes a tiny hint of plot that actually ties in with the epilogue! (you will see a reference to “New Year’s” in the epilogue, so just know that you will eventually be getting to read the whole story 😉)
The First and Last - Modern AU that could either be a long oneshot or a multi-chapter depending on how long it ends up being. Currently it's only about 4.5k words, but still super rough so it could definitely end up being multi-chapter. I'm so excited about this one because childhood-best-friends-to-lovers is one of my all-time favorite tropes (Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable were my first ship before I even knew what shipping was...), and now I'm FINALLY going to have a story of my own using that premise! This story is inspired by the summers I spent as a kid at my grandparent's cottage in Maine. It was in a very tiny coastal town, and was on a quiet street with a few other summer homes, so I would see the same kids every year and we would all hang out. And I may have had a smol crush on one of the boys that I would see each summer😏. So this story is InuKag in a very similar situation!! I love this one and can't wait to share once I go back and fill in all of the middle parts 🥰
Sometime Around Midnight - Modern AU multi-chapter based on  a song of the same name by The Airborne Toxic Event. I actually came up with this as my first multi-chapter AU back in January/February before UTNL randomly forced its way into my brain and took up my entire life for the rest of the year. I'm still really excited about this one, and have a whole elaborate backstory planned out, but am actually really stuck on how I want the plot to go past the initial couple of chapters (which starts off as pretty much just a retelling of the lyrics of the song). It won’t be super long, probably only 3 - 5 chapters, but I really can't decide on an interesting enough way to end it 😆.  I'll figure it out eventually, though!
The Girl at the Rock Show -  Modern AU enemies-to-lovers fic that I wrote for @goshinote’s birthday back in October! I was only able to get it to the point of being a super rough draft (that was still over 6k) by the time of her birthday, but I promised to get back and finish it eventually, which I still plan to do! I debated whether to publish it, since it’s very much written for Jane and her interests with lots of inside jokes/references lol , but I figure I might as well share it because someone else might enjoy too! The basic premise is that Inuyasha and Kagome are both working at a concert venue and do not get along at first. But....✨sexual tension✨is there and so begins a FWB type of situation that of course turns into something more...
A couple of canon-based very short oneshots - I have ideas for little missing scenes I would’ve loved to see in canon every so often, and have a couple of rough drafts written. One is my version of a little follow-up to the almost kiss in TFA episode 18, and the other is a post-canon idea of how InuKag’s first kiss might have happened based on the manga where they never kissed inside the jewel! Both are short and sweet and very fluffy. I started off with most of my ideas being canon-based, so I like to return to that as kind of my bread and butter after writing a lot of AU. I just love love love Inuyasha and Kagome’s dynamic in canon, and I consider it a fun challenge to write within that world and keep them as in character as possible!
Apart and Together (very tentative title, pls ignore lol) - This is actually the first fic I ever started writing after finishing the series! It is basically just my ideas of what might’ve happened during the 3 year separation, and how their reunion would have gone. It’s actually already like 20k words hahaha, but I started it so long ago when I knew nothing about writing, and have shifted my views on certain things, so it will require a lot of editing/restructuring to get it finished. Eventually!
Untitled Multi-Chapter epic-style long fic based on Darling in the Franxx - Post-apocalypse AU where demons (led by Naraku) have taken over the world and humans are forced to live in small areas under constant attack. Inuyasha and Kagome (and others) are paired up on a mission to gather fragments of the Shikon Jewel, in an effort to stop Naraku from getting them first. They don’t get along at all at first, but learn to trust and rely on each other over time, although they grew up as part of a selection of kids that were raised to be soldiers so they don’t know much about humanity/love/etc. Also there is a twist! The premise is loosely based on the anime Darling in the Franxx, minus the sexual robot stuff hahaha. This will probably take me forever to write tbh. I have a loose idea of the plot, but nothing really written so far. I want to write the entire thing before posting, so it might not end up getting posted next year but we'll see!
That is ALL of my WIPs that have actually been fleshed out into full story ideas! I have a handful of random scenes jotted down in my phone that could potentially become stories if I thought about them a little more, but I don’t like to have too many open WIPs at once, so I’ll try and get a few of those out before trying to come up with anything else.
Thank you SO SO much for this question, and for your support of UTNL! It means the world ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
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savagetrickster · 4 years
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Stay with Me | BNHA
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request:  Hi! Can I request a scenario where Bakugou thought that reader was starting to lose interest, but in reality reader is just really busy and doesn’t realize she’s treating baku differently and Bakugou confronting her about it then it ends with some fluff fluff. 💖 p.s luv ur work
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anime | character:  bnha | bakugou katsuki x reader
word count: 1949
themes/warnings: soft!bakugou, insecure bakugou,  college AU
a/n: sorry for not posting a fic in such a long time, I’ve been SO busy. so anyway, okay I kinda went little off-track and ended up writing the way it is shown below but i hope you’ll still enjoy reading this, though i have to say I’m not really fond of how it turned out. this fic has not been beta-ed so pardon me if you find any cringey error.
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The city of Musutafu moved as sluggishly as possible for a city of its size and caliber. It was one of those days when the moon was mostly hidden behind the clouds.
Kirishima let his eyes roam the street outside. The inhabitants of the boulevard were constantly on the move despite being a Saturday; it was a startling contrast to the cafe they sat in where a comfortable nonchalance clung to every aspect of the little business.
The slow, sleepy music playing from the speakers.
The casual yet practiced movements of the baristas as they prepared the orders. 
The lazy, idling manners in the way the customers brought their cups to their lips. Carrying every bit of thoughtlessness and indifference in their actions.
Well, almost everyone but them.
A perplexed frown pinched between Kirishima’s brows as he turned his gaze away from the window beside them.
Bakugou Katsuki had been sulking at the window ever since he plopped into the seat across him. 
He had been sitting in brooding silence for what felt like fifteen minutes and the expression on his face hadn’t changed. If there were any at all, it was only that his scowl grew bigger.
“As much as I like hanging out with you, I have to say this is getting a little…weird.” 
Kirishima briefly flitted to the counter to see curious eyes on them, “My colleagues are starting to think we’re dating.”
Tonight was the fourth time Bakugou had come to find him right as he was knocking off from his part-time job this week. 
“Who gives a fuck about what they think?” Bakugou muttered gruffly,  finally looking away from the outside.  
Kirishima had known him ever since they met in middle school to know the scowl on Bakugou’s face was…well, his default expression. 
Long enough for him to tell at one glance that the scowl he’d been seeing on Bakugou’s face was different. This one seemed to come right out from the depth of his fierce vermilion eyes — Bakugou was upset.
And it was about you.
No matter how hard Bakugou tried to hide how much he was a sucker for you, Kirishima could always tell. 
Even though they had matured into college students, Bakugou was still the same stubborn guy who wasn’t the most comfortable displaying his affections openly.
Mere mentions of you would soften the scowl on his face, and the rough edge in his voice. It was easy for anyone else to miss the difference but it was obvious to Kirishima. 
His grumpy complaints about how clingy and touchy you are were one of their common topics in their conversations. The annoyance scowling in his eyes when he did was always subtly soft and warm. 
But something changed, as Bakugou had mentioned, in the recent two weeks.
Nights in his dormitory room were spent alone. He was so used to falling asleep and waking up, to the sight of you curling up right next to him.
The last time he saw you were from afar, watching you rushing off to somewhere. 
Dates with you, even as simple as a meal in the cafeteria was scarce. 
Your replies to his texts were late and sometimes curt. The usual ‘good morning’ and ‘goodnight’ from you, if you didn’t spend the night with him, were no longer…usual. 
Sometimes his messages to you would be left hanging for days before you replied.
The tone when Bakugou was telling him about all these strange distances between them was nonchalant, but the scowl on his face told Kirishima a different story.
Kirishima tried to think of something to say, but all he could think of in the end was the same thing he’d been saying ever since Bakugou shared this with him.
“Stop worrying man, she’s probably just busy?”
Bakugou’s face carried a carefully blanked expression as he raised his eyes to meet Kirishima’s.
“…Or maybe she’s losing interest in me.” 
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His arm was tucked between his pillow and his head as his other held his phone to his face. Vermilion eyes stared blankly at the quiet chatroom he shared with you, particularly fixated on your last reply to him.
Two days ago.
The gloom hung over his gaze these days were like the dreary seasons of dull, gray monsoons. 
The hopeful morning sun filtering into his room through the wooden window blinds above him was a startling contrast, and so was the lively laughter ringing out from the basketball court somewhere near the dormitory blocks. 
Probably some idiots shoving snow at each others’ faces, Bakugou thought seethingly as he clicked his tongue in annoyance at a particular spike of volume in the ruckus downstairs. 
It was Saturday and the morning was already—
His eyes flitted to the time written in the corner of his screen.
— halfway to noon.
A quiet sigh left him.
Like on Saturdays, he should be on the way to meet you for your usual brunch. Except things weren’t quite ‘usual’ anymore.
Bakugou released another sigh as he let his phone fall away from his face along with his raised arm, landing on the bed under him with a muffled ‘plop’.
His forehead ridged with a scowl. Just how did he fuck things up?
His memories sifted through the times he called you names and how you would still smile back at him like he was your whole world as if he didn’t just call you an idiot, a nerd, or a moron. 
A bitter taste of guilt entered his mouth.
Maybe he shouldn’t have assumed that you knew he was feeling affectionate when he did?
Perhaps you’ve grown sick of him? And realized that you didn’t need a shitty boyfriend who called you insulting names or would shrug off your affections as if they were annoyances.
His jaw clenched to his gritted teeth as a frustrated hiss slipped from him.
Shit, maybe he did fuck up afterall. Fucked up big time.
And he was probably going to lose you. Everything that made you…you.
The way you smiled at him with a loving, bright glint in your eyes as if he was the one who put the stars in the sky.
The sweet kisses you love to plant on his lips and forehead.
How your hand would hold onto his — small but warm with your love.
Bakugou felt his throat swell with the presence of forming tears as his heart twinged in his chest.
The idea of losing all that spurred a rush of panic in him.
Bakugou shot off his bed, put on the nearest shirt and jeans he could grab, and hurried out of his room.
The first place Bakugou thought to look for you was your dormitory but his worst fear made him hesitate at your door, with a hand hovering over its handle. 
In fact, he’d thought about doing this for the past two weeks but the wisps of doubts whispering nasty things wouldn’t let him.
His jaw clenched to his gritted teeth.
What if there was someone else— 
Bakugou shoved the unfinished thought aside; it was unbearable to even think about that possibility. 
His scowling gaze snapped to his hesitating hand and his lips instantly curled into a sneer to a spark of irritation within.
What was with him? He was starting to remind himself of Deku, hesitating outside doors with twiddling thumbs like a wimp.
He was Bakugou Katsuki and he should be announcing his arrival by bursting through one.
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Man, you thought you could finally enjoy a good night’s sleep after countless of sleepless nights.
But no…nope. 
The heater just had to break down at an ungodly hour when you were still trudging through the last thesis for your project and you could find no other alternative places to work on them. 
Bakugou came across your mind but again, it was crazy late or more accurately, early to budge into your boyfriend’s room.
Like every other night, you’d been tirelessly working on it so you could finally submit the project you’d been assigned since two weeks ago.
It was the infamous final year project you’ve dreaded ever since you heard about it from your senior — dubbed as ‘the project from hell’.
And indeed, it was a project from hell. It seemed to suck out your very soul. The exhaustion weighing you down like lead ran bone deep, that even lifting your head off your pillow was such a struggle.
With a broken heater sitting uselessly in your room, you’d spent the whole night wrapped in your blanket, with the lingering winter chill prickling at your skin. 
So you couldn’t help sighing at the sudden warmth enveloping your body after spending the night shivering away under your blanket at the mercy of the dropping temperature.
Your arms found their way around the heat source.
You didn’t see the tender curl of his lips when you sighed blissfully and nuzzled into his chest or the softening glint in the usual fierce edge held in his vermilion eyes.
It was like nestling inside a warm cocoon that…
— awareness seeping into your groggy senses pried your eyes open.  
…breathed.
What or rather who greeted you lifted you right out of your morning grogginess and struck you with an overwhelming barrage of emotions.
“…Ka-Katsuki!” You missed him so much.
Along with how the shadows and sunlight filtering in from behind you fell across and highlighted his chiseled profile, there was something about the way his intense eyes looked down at you with his head leaning against an arm. 
This sight gave your heart a fluttery squeeze.
You weren’t sure why Bakugou looked so strikingly handsome like this — maybe it was because you haven’t seen him for awhile?
“When did you come in here?” Words started pouring out of your mouth. 
You’ve always wanted to vent and rant about the dumb project to Bakugou so there was too much you wanted to say, 
“Oh my god, you’ve no idea how much busy I was these few weeks-” but the brooding look that hadn’t left Bakugou stopped you.”…Katsuki?”
You’d never seen Bakugou look this down before, and it didn’t sit right with you.
You hesitated but asked anyway.“…What’s wrong?” 
The cloud that fell over his eyes told you that something was definitely wrong.
“…I’m sorry, (Name).”
You grew concerned as you tried to understand his unreadable demeanor. “What’s this about— ”
“Are you losing interest in me?”
Your next breath was caught in your throat at his strange question and the only thing you could do was blurt out a —“What?”
You watch him exhale carefully with a bewildered look. 
Bakugou didn’t even care how he looked to you now.
“Look, I know I’m a huge fuck-up as a boyfriend and you probably think I don’t care about our relationship cause I act like I don’t.”
There was so much to say, so much guilt brimming inside him. 
“But shit, I do care.”
He was desperate. 
He didn’t want to lose you. He couldn’t. He loved you but he was an idiot for not showing that to you. 
So he needed to let you know now.
His hand on your waist pulled you up to him and his eyes were pinned on yours.
Your mouth opened, then snapped close at the silent, blazing gleam in his gaze.
Your voice had fled at the way he stared at you. 
Longing and heavy with remorse.
“Stay with me,” His lips brushed lightly across yours as his voice cracked with an aching need.” …please.”
He kissed you and the world fell away.
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drabbles-mc · 3 years
Text
Protective Detail (1/?)
Nestor Oceteva x Reader
Shout-out to @masterlistforimagines ​ for encouraging me, and helping me brainstorm to write this fic based on This Post from @my-rosegold-soul ​ 😂👀😍 
Warnings: language, mentions of kidnapping, bruises
Word Count: 2.8k
A/N: This is my first time writing for Nestor, so hopefully I do alright with that lol.  This is gonna be a multi-chap fic. So like??? Semi-slow burn in that regard. Stay tuned 👀👀 Also, Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate. This year I'm thankful for Gino's braids 😂
Chapter Index
Taglist?? I’ve never written for Nestor so I don’t really have a list lol. But if you wanna get tagged in future chapters of this fic totally comment or message me or something and I’ll make sure it happens.
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You huffed, rolling your eyes, “I don’t need a fucking babysitter, Papi,” you were standing on the opposite side of the table from your father, who was not looking amused at all with the attitude you were giving him.
“And I told you that you don’t get to make that call, mija,” his tone was level but you could see it in his eyes that he was not going to let you win this argument.
“You don’t need to do this,” you leaned forward onto the table, palms flat, “I’m fine.”
He eyed the bruise on your cheek, knowing that that was the only one he could see, but it was far from the only mark on you. It had been just short of a week since a group of men had tried to kidnap you. It came with the territory of being the daughter of a cartel leader, but it had never really hit that close to home before. Your father was shaken up, and understandably so. But every time he had brought up either getting you out of town for a little while, or setting you up with your own personal security, you forcefully shot down the idea.
“What was the point of teaching me how to defend myself if you’re just going to pack me up and ship me off the second things get a little rough?”
He raised one eyebrow, “A little rough? Mija, they tried to kidnap you.”
“And they failed.”
“I don’t want to push our luck. Why is that such a problem for you?”
“Because I’m too old to have a babysitter. And I sure as hell don’t want to owe any favors to Miguel fucking Galindo,” you rolled your eyes at the mere thought of it.
Your father sighed, knowing that you didn’t have much use for his business counterpart. He had never done or said anything directly to you to make you dislike him so much, but whatever vibe he put off in your direction wasn’t one that you liked, and you had never been good at pretending to like people if you didn’t. You could suck it up just enough to be civil, but nothing more. The fact that he would be the one supplying your security didn’t sit right with you.
“Why can’t one of your guys just stake out my house or something?” you tried to meet him halfway.
“They’re all busy dealing with everything that led to you getting kidnapped.”
“Almost,” you corrected.
He sighed, “Almost kidnapped. I know you aren’t happy about it, but my mind is made up. Besides, he said that he’s sending one of his best men.”
“If he’s one of the best why doesn’t Miguel want to keep him?” you finally collapsed in the chair across from your father, putting you both on the same level.
Your father smirked slightly, “Because he owes me a favor.”
You chuckled, shaking your head. You appreciated that as you got older, your father was more honest with you about everything within reason. It helped both of you for you not to be completely in the dark. For a long time, he worried it was going to make you more worried, but if anything, you appreciated knowing what kinds of things you were up against. You hated feeling unprepared more than anything else in the world.
“So, who is this mysterious, top-of-the-line babysitter that you have found for me?” you finally asked, conceding to what your father wanted.
Your father laughed and shook his head for a moment before calling out, “Nestor, come in here please.”
You turned your body in your chair so you could get a better look at the door. The door opened slowly and you couldn’t help but to raise your eyebrows as you took in the sight of the man who had just entered the room. You mentally went back through the few memories you had of Miguel and you realized that you had definitely seen this man before. He was never far if the Galindos were around. You’d never heard him speak, though—he had always been a silent presence. You definitely weren’t expecting him to be the person who got loaned out to you for the foreseeable future.
“I don’t think you two have ever officially met,” your father waved him over, “Nestor, this is my daughter, Y/N. Y/N, this is Nestor. He’s going to be keeping you safe for a while.”
You politely shook Nestor’s hand, understanding that this situation wasn’t his doing. You gave your father a pointed look, “I keep myself safe.”
He sighed, knowing that you got your stubbornness from him, “He’s going to help you, then.”
You could tell that Nestor was trying not to smile watching the two of you interact. He kept a fairly straight face but his eyebrows raised slightly as he took in how blunt you were with a man that he had grown to respect, and also fear.
“Do I at least get to stay in my own house?” you looked at your father.
He nodded, “Unless something else happens that makes that a bad idea, yes, you can stay in your house.”
“Thank you,” you nodded as you stood up out of your seat. You walked around the table and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Te quiero, Papi. I’ll talk to you later.”
He smiled, “Te quiero. Be safe.”
You laughed as you followed Nestor to the door, “How could I not at this point?” you nodded in Nestor’s direction.
The two of you exited your father’s house. Your face took on a confused expression as you looked for your car. It had been parked right outside your father’s front door and now it was nowhere to be found. You looked over at Nestor.
“Is my car being gone your doing?”
He shook his head, “Your father’s. He asked me to drive you so he had some of his men take the car back to your house.”
You sighed but didn’t say anything more as the two of you walked over to Nestor’s SUV. Granted, his car was much nicer than yours but that wasn’t the point. You wanted this to intrude on your life as little as possible and having him driving you around everywhere in his big flashy car wasn’t exactly in any of your plans.
Most of the drive passed in silence. You wanted to reach and turn the radio on but something in you said that Nestor wasn’t the kind of man who would be caught singing on the job. You looked out the window as you settled back into your seat more, fighting the urge to put your feet up on the dashboard.
“So, what’d you do to piss of Miguel and get put on babysitting duty?” you finally asked.
You looked over and saw his body tense up, “I’m not your babysitter.”
You chuckled, “Would you prefer that I tell people you’re my bodyguard?”
He took his eyes off the road for a moment so he could look over at you, “You don’t have to tell people anything about me.”
The sternness in his tone made you feel small and it caught you a little off-guard. It was going to be interesting to have him be a constant pair of eyes on you. You didn’t know how to feel about having someone who was essentially a stranger being stuck to you like glue.
Silence took over the car again and it stayed that way until he pulled into your driveway. You hopped out of the car, not bothering to wait for him to come and open the door for you. You caught a quick glimpse of his expression and there was the smallest of smiles on his lips for a moment before he went back to his stoic expression.
“I have no idea how this is supposed to work, Nestor,” you admitted honestly as you unlocked the front door, “Are you, like, living here with me now?”
He shrugged, “Would you prefer that?”
You swallowed hard as you crossed the threshold of your home. The impulsive hormonal part of your brain was screaming that you would most definitely prefer that. But you tried very hard not to let that part of you win out.
“I wouldn’t be sleeping in your bed with you, don’t worry,” he offered up with a chuckle.
You felt your face get hot and you tried to play it off, “I figured as much. Besides,” you smirked, “my dad would slaughter you.”
“I don’t doubt that at all.”
“I mean,” you awkwardly stood in your living room, feeling like you should be offering him something, “I have a guest room if you’d want to stay here. Not like it’s getting much use otherwise. Makes more sense than you constantly going back and forth.”
He nodded, not really giving off much emotion either way, “That’s fine. I can have someone bring some of my things by.”
You were about to tell him that he might as well go and pick his things up himself, but leaving you alone on day one would not look good for the whole “personal security” thing. Instead, you offered to give him a quick tour of the house. If he was going to have to protect you, he might as well know where everything was.
“You can hang out here while you’re waiting for your stuff,” you gestured to the living room, “I have every streaming service under the sun,” you grabbed two beers out of the fridge, “You allowed to drink on the job?”
He shook his head as he sat down on the couch, “I am, but I’m good. Thank you.”
You shrugged, tossing one bottle back into the fridge before opening one for yourself. You sat down on the opposite end of the couch from him and waited. You wanted him to choose something to watch, solely so you could try to figure out more of what kind of person you were dealing with. He picked up that you had started a game of chicken, and with a heavy sigh he reached forward and picked up your controller.
“You actually game with this or do you just use it to watch stuff?” he asked as he scrolled through your apps.
You laughed, “Not gaming like you’re thinking.”
The two of you were a few episodes deep into Community when Nestor’s phone started ringing. He looked down and stood up, heading towards the door without bothering to answer the call. When he came back inside, he had a bag in each hand and walked past you to the guest room without a word. You sat on the couch, fidgeting slightly with your hands. All you could think about was the fact that you had no idea how this was supposed to work. It wasn’t like the two of you were friends and he was going to be crashing with you for a while. You knew nothing about him and now he was living at your house. You had no idea how to have a full conversation with him, which was rare. You didn’t know what it was about him that made all of your words get caught in your throat.
A few minutes later he came back out and sat down on the couch again. Silence filled the space between you outside the noise from the television. You glanced down at the time on your phone and right as you did, your stomach growled.
“So, do you eat?” you asked.
He looked over at you, one eyebrow raised, “I’m only allowed one meal a week.”
You laughed, face heating up over the entire interaction, “Am I allowed to order off Grubhub? Or is that a security no-no?”
“If you want to order something we can go pick it up,” it was his nice way of saying that delivery wasn’t an option for the time being.
“The whole point of ordering in, is not having to leave the house. Aren’t I safer if I’m here anyway?”
“And having strangers come here all the time?”
“Why don’t you just tell me all the things I can and can’t do?” you rolled your eyes.
“It’s not my decision,” he was firm, but his voice didn’t get loud, “It’s your father’s. I get you don’t like this but there’s no getting out of it now.”
“I’m sorry,” you offered up honestly, “I’m just…not used to being on a leash.”
He chuckled, “I see that.”
You stood up with a sigh and made your way over to the kitchen, “I’ll pull something together.”
“You really don’t want to leave the house that much?” you could hear the amusement in his voice.
“I really don’t,” you perused your cabinets, not making eye contact as you asked him, “Which reminds me, can we use my car when we leave here from now on? I feel like it’s a little more discreet.”
He sighed, “Let me guess, you want to drive?”
That made you look over at him, “Would you let me?”
“I’ll answer that more definitively after I survive one ride with you behind the wheel.”
Throughout the evening you could feel that both of you were trying to figure each other out. Nestor seemed like he was a very tightly closed book, though. You couldn’t get much of a read on him and you weren’t sure how you felt about it. You felt like he had caught you a few too many times just staring at him, trying to pull information out of his brain just by looking at him.
After you put all of the dishes in the sink, you went and took a shower and changed into a baggy t-shirt and shorts to go to bed in. You said goodnight to Nestor, who was still on the couch, scrolling on his phone. You said to let you know if you had any questions or anything but other than that you would see him in the morning. You felt weird just leaving him out in the living room like that, but you supposed that that was what he was there to do.
You woke up in the middle of the night, dying for a piece of chocolate and a glass of water. You quietly opened your door and tip-toed down the hall to get to your kitchen. You knew your house like the back of your hand so there was no need to turn the lights on and risk waking Nestor up. You were rooting through your cabinets when you heard the unmistakable click of a gun.
Instinctively, you turn around and pushed the person’s arms hard, attempting to knock the gun out of the person’s hand but at the very least have it not pointed at you anymore. You were centimeters away from kicking in their kneecap when you heard Nestor’s voice through the silence.
“It’s me,” he sounded exhausted but he was still alert enough to not let you try to beat him up.
“Jesus Christ,” you sighed as you reached over and flipped the light on, “What the fuck?”
“Why are you shuffling around in the dark?” he put the safety back on his gun and set it down before reaching and wiping his face, attempting to wake up a little more, “I thought someone broke in.”
“I was trying not to wake you up.”
“You didn’t succeed,” he leaned against the counter.
“I see that,” you returned your attention to the cupboard and pulled out two small wrapped candy, “Chocolate?” you offered him a piece.
He huffed but he still took it from you and ate it. You chuckled to yourself as you lifted yourself up to sit on the countertop. While you were sitting you leaned over and filled a cup with water, taking a long drink from it before returning your attention to Nestor. You stared at him for a moment, realizing that this was the first time you had ever seen him in anything besides the nice clothes that he wore for work. He was in a baggy, white long-sleeve shirt and a pair of black sweatpants. You had a feeling that that image was going to be burned into your mind forever, but you shook your head to dispel the thoughts.
“From now on I will make as much obvious noise as possible when I get up in the middle of the night.”
He chuckled, shaking his head, “Goodnight, Y/N.”
You smiled, lightly swinging your legs back and forth, “Goodnight.”
You watched him disappear down the hall before returning your attention to the kitchen. You hopped down off the counter and noticed that all of the dishes that had been in the sink were washed and sitting in the drying board. You smiled to yourself as you looked at the spot where Nestor had just been.
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5uptic · 3 years
Text
crewfu: fanfic spotlight :)
Angel of Life, Bringer of Death by woofles1990 (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 377 words, chaptered WIP)
Summary: Steve and Dk just wanted to explore a dungeon. That's all they wanted! A certain angel clearly had other plans.
flashover by Anonymous (Apollo & 5up, teen rating, gen | 853 words)
Summary: n. the moment a conversation becomes real and alive, which occurs when a spark of trust shorts out the delicate circuits you keep insulated under layers of irony, momentarily grounding the static emotional charge you've built up through decades of friction with the world. OR: it's pretty stupid to sleep on the tiles of a subway station, even though you are well aware you have a home. It's also quite embarrassing to have a friend pick you up from there.
Sparks Fly by Rocketro (5up/Fundy, gen rating, m/m | 863 words)
Summary: 5up and Fundy watch fireworks together.
you're holding back (shut up and dance with me) by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)
Summary: 5up and steve dance.
what happens in Vegas by aphilologicalbatman (Apollo/Steve, explicit rating, m/m | 1.4k words)
Summary: "I'm pretty sure this is a bad idea, Steve." "Nah, this is a great idea, dude." (Or: the one where they hook up in Vegas.)
quiet when i'm coming home by homeward_bound (5up/Hafu/David, teen rating, gen & multi | 1.4k words)
Summary: 5up comes home from LA.
i could peel it for you by sweetlikesugr (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)
Summary: One appletini at a time, 5up ponders about oranges, buttons and celestial bodies.
from blossoms by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)
Summary: “O, to take what we love inside, to carry within us an orchard, to eat not only the skin, but the shade, not only the sugar, but the days, to hold the fruit in our hands, adore it, then bite into the round jubilance of peach. There are days we live as if death were nowhere in the background; from joy to joy to joy, from wing to wing, from blossom to blossom to impossible blossom, to sweet impossible blossom.” -Li-Young Lee, From Blossoms
you think that i'm foolish now by amsves (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words)
Summary: “Is everything okay?” That’s a stupid question and Steve knows it. If everything was okay, Five wouldn’t be randomly appearing at his hotel room at—Steve checks his phone—2:37 in the morning. Their group had split up for the night a few hours ago, uncharacteristically early for them, but Five had had plans to talk to—
Like you wouldn't notice by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words)
Summary: Apollo is having feelings, so he pushes them down and hopes Steve doesn't notice. Avoiding Steve was never going to end well. "From that moment on, Apollo becomes hyper-aware of all things Steve. The way his long leg touches his, hip-to-knee, in the bar booth when they're drinking overpriced cocktails."
Vegas Lights by amethystvxidwalker (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.3k words)
Summary: “You were planning on actually swimming with me, right?” Steve faced him, brown eyes and dopey grin almost making Five swoon. He forced himself to focus on Steve’s face rather than the black ink above his hip, small, blocky text that read ‘SUGR?’ because of course it did.
ice-cream-covered screaming hyperactive thought by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)
Summary: Apollo isn’t sure when, exactly, he fell in love with Steve. Maybe, just maybe, he thinks, he never really fell. Maybe, he’s been falling. He’s still falling.
u spilled orange on u by SmearedWords (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.1k words)
Summary: Five times Dumbdog thinks Steve is illegally attractive and the one time he tries to admit that to him. Keyword: tries.
My love is the evening breeze touching your skin by tumtummeke (Apollo & Steve, general rating, gen | 5.2k words)
Summary: Steve's love language is physical touch. Dumbdog's is... not that. A day at the beach with Steve and Dumbdog (and background crewfu), told in five touches.
be like the love that discovered sin by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 5.6k words)
Summary: It’s annoying because Apollo even left for work a whole hour early today, which should be enough time to get to his shitty office job like everyone else on the train, but unlike everyone else, Apollo also has a second job. Which leads to the last reason why Apollo is having a bad day: being pinned under an overturned car while a villain monologues at him. Well, that last reason isn’t really part of Apollo’s bad day, but sue him if he wants to include the misfortunes of his hero identity Dumbdog while listing the reasons for his bad mood. “I don’t have time for this, Suptic,” Apollo grits out, interrupting the villain’s monologue.
friends in this town by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 6.1k words)
Summary: Five only realizes he’s bitten his nails down to the quick when the sting of pain catches up to him. He’s probably overthinking. He just needs to talk to Hafu. That’s all. ...He doesn’t want to. He’s worried he will only hear an answer he’ll hate. Out back, putting off talking to his sister really gives Five a sense of deja vu. All he needs to complete the feeling is Steve. “You need to relax, man.” Speak of the devil.
this party's just another haunted house by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 7.7k words, chaptered WIP)
Summary: On December 31st, Apollo wakes up in his hotel in Vegas. The problem is, it's always December 31st.
call me by your name (i don't know that's pretty gay) by Qupid (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 10k words)
Summary: “Oh!” The human suddenly exclaimed, “You probably want my name!” Five had no interest in holding the power of a name over a human, it always seemed more trouble than it was worth, “Not particu-” “I’m Steve! It’s a pleasure to meet someone as cute as you.” The human, Steve, interrupted before 5up could finish. 5up’s eyes widened as he felt the power of gaining a name rush through him.  It was intoxicating and he could see why some fae would frequently come to the human realm just to trick humans into giving up their names. Five hadn’t needed to trick Steve, the man had given up his name freely and Five couldn’t believe how goddamn stupid he was to do it. “Ohhhh my god you’re an idiot.”
you'll hear me howling outside your door by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 22.2k words)
Summary: Something warm blew against Steve’s face and, distantly, he heard a high pitched whine. A nudge, and when Steve ignored it, a more insistent push had him opening his eyes to the face of a wolf mere inches from his own. Steve laughed. How delightful!  He was hallucinating animals now. The wolf’s fur looked bright to him, but even with as dark as it was Steve could tell it wasn’t white. Maybe it was more of a sandy color. Not that it mattered when all Steve could focus on was its piercing gaze and how its eyes seemed to bore into his soul. The wolf whined again and nudged Steve in the shoulder with its nose, making the man rear back when he realized that this might actually be a real wolf and not a hallucination at all.
kinda good for my love by sweetlikesugr (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 44.7k words, chaptered)
Summary: 5up can’t really recall the exact moment when dares became his and Steve’s thing and he is not sure if he even wants to try - after all, why would you mess with something that feels so natural, that feels so right? Why not just let it take its course and see where it might lead them?
Also: mangoedges‘s 5up the human impostor collection!
FAQ:
Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)
How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.
What’s the format like?:
[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s)], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k], [added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not])
Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]
(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)
Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!
Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)
Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!
Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!
So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.
I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji… you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).
Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).
show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)
I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed.
Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3
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curlybookwriter0294 · 3 years
Text
Term: Jealously
Summary: Jealously: A word that generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions or safety. 
 It is a term that Raven had often felt among other people but never on herself. She had felt anger, fear, worry and other emotions within herself, but never the emotion of jealously.  
She had always thought she would never feel the need to be jealous of anyone or anything. She had always found it useless whenever she had felt a wash of jealously that would come from other people. She had never understood why people would feel that way towards another human being.  However, her thoughts on the term had changed recently.  
Very recently.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the DC universe!!! I just own the plot!
AN: I cannot believe that DamiRae week 2021 is about to be over!! I have seen many great works of art and fics and I truly hope that you guys had fun this week! And I truly hope that you guys will like this little beauty because it is Pre- DamiRae lol
Jealously: A word that generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions or safety.
 It is a term that Raven had often felt among other people but never on herself. She had felt anger, fear, worry and other emotions within herself, but never the emotion of jealously.
 She had always thought she would never feel the need to be jealous of anyone or anything. She had always found it useless whenever she had felt a wash of jealously that would come from other people. She had never understood why people would feel that way towards another human being.
 However, her thoughts on the term had changed recently.
 Very recently.
 She tried to tear her lavender gaze away from a couple that was dancing in the middle of the ballroom that was filled with other rich and famous citizens of Gotham City. The woman had long auburn hair that was swaying back and forth gently against her dark blue off the shoulder dress that she was wearing. Her partner that she was dancing with had short dark hair, forest green eyes and olive skin, wearing a fancy black and white suit paired with a short green bow tie.
 “They would make such a lovely couple don’t you think?” Raven hears an elderly woman ask her in a hush whisper, leaning in close as if not to disturb the pair that was circling back and forth in a waltz even though the tune of a classic Beethoven was playing around them loudly. “I can see the headlines now: Damian Wayne and Bethany Rosewater Officially Together Finally,” the older woman giggled at the made-up title that she had thought of. “Ah, young love. Do you have a boyfriend miss?”
 Raven managed to look away to look down at the short heavy-set woman that was standing next to her. She gave her a tight smile. “I… don’t unfortunately,” she answered the woman, trying to swallow down a sudden tightness that she was feeling in her chest.
 The kind gray haired woman eyed Raven up and down, taking in her black dress that she was wearing, frowning slightly at the sight of her plum long hair that had fallen over her pale shoulder. “Hmmm,” she said, and Raven wanted so badly to roll her eyes but held herself back. “You are…interesting looking. I am sure that you will find someone soon dear.”
 Raven sighed heavily at the woman before turning her attention back towards the pair that was still dancing gracefully on the dance floor. She studied Bethany’s face as Damian swung her around, smiling ear to ear as she spun around in a small circle before she had collided gently against his chest. Raven’s eyes widen slightly when she could’ve sworn that she had saw Damian’s upper lip twitch upwards which made her breathing hitched slightly and her chest tighten once more.
 Her whole body froze when she had felt a prick from her finger on the wine glass that she was holding and looked down at the cracked surface and realized if she had squeezed it any further it would’ve shattered under her hold.
 “Excuse me,” Raven said to the woman, walking backwards so she could get away from the crowd around her. She tried to calm her sudden wave of emotions as she tries to find somewhere to clear her mind. She tipped her head slightly when she spotted an open balcony and quickly made her way over to it. “Air. That’s what I need.”
 She leaned over the railing of the balcony, wondering why she had decided to go to this stupid gala event in the first place. She rolled her eyes when she remembered that it was his idea to invite her to represent the rest of the Titans because they had helped stopped several crimes in the city of Gotham when the Dark Knight had asked for assistance to stop a villain from terrorizing citizens of Gotham.
 Raven was confused when Damian had asked her to represent the Titans and not someone like Kori who is one of the leaders of the team. Dick Grayson was no go because he has to show up to the gala to show face for the Wayne Enterprises along with Damian who was the son of Bruce Wayne.
 She had only spoken to the younger Robin once when Bruce Wayne and Dick came over to speak to her briefly before going their separate ways to mingle with the guests. Damian was preoccupied speaking with board members and her.
 Bethany Rosewater.
 Raven had seen the auburn-haired woman before on some model magazine that Garfield Logan had shoved into her face one day. Apparently, she’s the daughter of some board member of the company and her father is close friends with Bruce hence why Damian had danced with her. She had seen other pictures of her in the magazine as well as several photos on her Instagram account and some of them were with Damian which had thousands of likes on it.
 She didn’t mean to scroll through the page. In all honesty at the time, she didn’t know that she was doing it until she had spent all night going through each picture that Bethany had posted. Raven could remember some of the comments that were written underneath pictures of Bethany and Damian and it had made Raven frown at each one.
 “They would make such a cute couple!”
 “Ugh, she’s so lucky! I mean, just look at him!”
 “Maybe they are already dating but is keeping it under wraps?”
 Raven had almost broken her phone from reading all the comments before she had managed to shut off her phone and put aside her.
 She doesn’t understand why she was feeling this way towards a woman that she barely knows. She doesn’t understand why she should care at all really. Granted, Bethany is beautiful and Damian is… she even couldn’t think of a word to describe the the green eyed Robin but knew that he was more than decent looking in that department and that was why the entire Gotham City wants the model and the heir of Wayne Enterprises to be together and the more she thinks about the possibility of them becoming an IT couple, the more her chest would burn at the thought.
 Raven’s amethyst eyes widen in surprise when she realizes as to why her chest was burning and why she had stormed out of the ballroom when she had grown tired of watching them dancing. She placed her hand over her chest in hopes to calm down her beating heart that was pumping fast.
 Raven was jealous.
 Jealous.
 The daughter of Trigon was jealous, and it was an emotion that she had felt on others and never on herself. Raven had no reason to ever feel jealous on anyone! She had always thought it was a useless emotion wasted for ridiculous reasons that had caused war and chaos throughout time and here she was… feeling jealous of a woman.
 The real question that Raven must ask herself was why: why was she jealous of that woman that was dancing with Damian?
 Was it because of the way that she had looked tonight at the gala? Raven shook her head no at the question. Was it because of that elderly rich woman that had mentioned that they would make a great couple? Again, Raven had shook her head no at the question. Then what was it that made Raven jealous?
 “She… she made him smile,” she whispered to herself, balling a fist that was on the railing of the balcony when she had finally answered her own questions. “It was because of the smile.”
 There are only a few people that can manage to bring out a smile from the former assassin. And when he does smile, it would bring warmth throughout her body when she feels a calm emotion that would come from him whenever he does twitch his upper lip ever so slightly. She shouldn’t feel jealous over the fact that someone other than her or the other members of the Titans made him smile.
 No. It was something else. Something deeper than that and Raven needs to figure out what it is and resolve it.
 “The party is inside Raven. What are you doing out here?”
 Raven turned around to find Damian leaning against the entryway of the building with his arms crossed and his brow lifted as he studied her. She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “I needed a minute,” she told him truthfully, knowing that it wasn’t a lie. “What are you doing out here? Won’t Bethany Rosewater miss you?”
 Damian snorted as he leaned off the entryway to walk over to stand next to Raven on the balcony. He leaned his back against the railing to stare at the guests inside the Wayne Manor. “She’s preoccupied at the moment,” he answered her when he had spotted the auburn-haired woman mentioned talking to someone. “There’s something bothering you,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone after a lull of silence.
 Raven shook her head at him. “I just needed a minute. That doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong,” she explained to him with a small sigh.
 “Raven…” Damian said sternly, lifting his forest eyes to stare into her indigo ones and Raven knew that he could tell that she was lying to him and backed away when he leaned in closer to her. “Tell me what is bothering you.”
 Even though she was in heels, Damian was still towering over her with his height as he walked closer to her when she tried to back away from him. “Damian…” she warned him, placing a hand on his chest to keep him from coming any closer towards her. “Back off.”
 “Not until you tell me what’s bothering you. I would also suggest that you don’t lie to me as well.”
 “Why does it matter what I feel?” she asked him with a scoff, crossing her arms across her chest.
 Damian paused his steps and cocked his head to the side and rolled his eyes at her as if she had just asked a ridiculous question and in his opinion she did. “It matters to me Raven. Tell me.”
 She thought about telling him. Even if she doesn’t truly know exactly what she wanted to tell him because it is all confusing to her to experience an emotion that is foreign to her and doesn’t exactly know how he would react to it. All she could do was shake her head and turned away from him to start walking back inside. “I’m going back inside. You should also before Bethany starts to look for you.”
 Raven’s breath got caught in her throat when Damian grabbed her wrist to make her stop walking inside. She tried to concentrate on the guests that were inside the manor chatting with one another when she couldn’t ignore a wave of irritation that was coming from him. “Not until you tell me what is wrong.”
 Raven knew at this point the former assassin won’t give up on his quest to find out what is bothering her and sighed when she broke free of his hold that he had on her wrist. “Are you…together with her?” she whispered, and she wasn’t exactly sure how she would feel about his answer.
 Damian knitted his brows at her question, wondering why it concerns her when it shouldn’t. Why would the most powerful empath concern herself something ridiculous? “Everyone wants us to be. Father, her father,” he finally told her when silence fell over them and he walked back over to the railing of the balcony to lean against it. “Told us that it would be good for the company and for our families if we’re together…” he stopped talking when Raven’s face became unreadable. “However, do not concern yourself in this ridiculous matter because I have no interest in her.”
 Raven felt her beat of her heart slow down at his answer and nodded at him. She gave him a small smile. “I see. Thank you for telling me, Damian. I should go back inside now.” She started making her way back to the gala that was inside the manor but paused when Damian spoke again.
 “I am interested in someone else, Raven.”
 Raven turn her head slightly to look at him. She watched him leaned causally against the railing of the balcony with a balled fist at his side. His emerald eyes wasn’t looking at her when he had told this. Instead, his eyes were focused on the ground in front of him. “Oh?” she said, lifting her brow with interest. “Is it someone that I know?”
 Damian didn’t answer her as he leaned off the railing. His face was blank as he walked closer to her and Raven held her breath when he leaned in close to her and could feel his warm breath against her ear as he spoke into it lowly. “One day you will find out Raven.”
 Raven released her breath that she was holding when Damian disappeared inside the manor, leaving her to her thoughts as she processed the whole conversation. She was relieved to hear that he didn’t have a crush on Bethany Rosewater, and she knew that one day he will tell her who he was interested in.
 For some odd reason——she had a tiny suspicion of who it could be even though he technically didn’t reveal of who it was, and her stomach fluttered at the thought of it as she walked back inside with a smile on her face.
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