#I guess it’s more about whether I want to do something about it (i.e. name it) or just be cis and like this!

[unbidden-yidden]

Huh. Okay so going by your recent post idealizing Judaism to an unhealthy degree is such a common problem there’s a name for it. How does someone unpack whether that’s what they’re doing?

Hi there,

That's a great question! I think it can be a little tricky, because there's some nuances that may tip behavior from "okay" to "not okay" or vice versa that are not immediately obvious to an outsider. There are also plenty of gray areas, where some Jews are delighted by the person's expression of interest, and others have concerns.

I think for me, the thing I see most from genuinely well-meaning gentiles who are otherwise good allies is a fixation on certain parts of Judaism or Jewish identity that neatly fit into existing leftist ideals, but that either aren't as universal as they are claiming or are very niche in the scheme of Judaism as a religion. Oftentimes, what will happen is that lefty Jews (i.e., most American Jews, and certainly a large majority of jumblr) will be talking about this exceptionally progressive stance from ancient Jewish texts, or some niche thing that is meaningful to us, which will then get picked up and distorted rapidly to: This Is What The Jews Think About ____. Efforts to add nuance or complications after the fact are then treated like conservative talking points or party poopers who don't want the Good Jews to Have Nice Things. Eventually, even the "Good Jews" will typically get sick of the lack of nuance, but by that point it's way too late and people are no longer listening. It's much less likely to blow up than the original post, and so you end up with misinformation and discourse being passed around *about* us that no longer *includes* us and our petty insistence on nuance or countering facts.

People also struggle to shut down some of these misconceptions because hey - at least they like us right now and we're being considered (finally) to be Appropriately Leftist. (Something that is often difficult for Jews to find inclusion in, despite being overwhelmingly left-leaning.)

I've seen this happen around so many things: abortion, women's sexuality, queerness, transness, the so-called "6 Talmudic genders," Jewish atheism, Jews wrestling with G-d, Hell, Yiddish language, etc.

I guess what I'd say to avoid it is this: before you hop on a new idea to you from a post that goes something like "holy Frick did you know that Jews believe in [idk, e.g.] women's right to orgasms!" Maybe look up sources first before reblogging and spreading that information as legitimate. It's probably more complicated than that, and the misinformation can cause real harm. See: the harm caused to intersex Jews re: the 6 Talmudic genders.

Here is an article about other issues with philosemitism by someone who I know and respect:

Here is another article to add nuance to this discussion as well:

[uncanny-tranny]

I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to ask this, please feel free to ignore.

So I figured out earlier this year that I’m trans as an adult. And I was euphoric for months afterwards. I kept the knowledge to myself and did tons of research to really be sure and there was never and shred of doubt. So I eventually started coming out, by now I’m out to most people in my life and reactions have been better than expected, everyone is doing their best when it comes to using my new name and pronouns. I even found a therapist who’s cool and started my sessions so I can get testosterone next year hopefully.

But now it feels like I’m hitting a wall. I’ve been so stressed out lately and I feel a sense of near-constant dread. I had some fleeting thoughts of “omg what am I doing” when I first came out to the first people but that only ever lasted for a short time. But now I’ve been feeling that almost constantly the past weeks. And I’m so exhausted. I wonder if I’m making a mistake.

But on the other hand it feels nice when people use my new name and pronouns and I’m getting more and more used to it. I can’t wait to get on T cause I really want those changes and I could handle hair loss, acne and other undesired consequences.

So I guess I just wanna know if this feeling of dread and insecurity is normal. I suppose it is, this is an exciting time for me with huge changes on the horizon, but it’s driving me a bit insane lately. It’d help to know whether others feel the same and I don’t know where else to ask.

Sorry again if this ask is inappropriate or something

Honestly, I think the biggest contributor to these types of feelings is both that it is so new (i.e., getting almost... used to not identifying with the language people use for you and how you are conceptualized) and the fact that it's so much change in a relatively short amount of time.

I've seen this constantly over the years, and some of the biggest reasons I've seen people react "negatively" to their transness is that it is so much change and also... there is that sense of imposter syndrome that you start thinking you either don't deserve to be treated how you want and need to be, but also that you somehow are making it up or are about to make a grand mistake. Transition is often treated like this grave decision, that if you don't know for sure what you want that it's "not worth it" to pursue transition. I think that's unfair because... transition isn't something that needs to be treated like life-or-death, that you can't ever reverse part or all of your decision.

So, no, you aren't reacting poorly or weirdly in this stage of life. It's completely normal to feel almost out of place and unsure about how to process your inner feelings and the reactions from others. The best thing, in my opinion, that you can do is give yourself space and not place the weight of the world on your shoulders. You have time, and you are allowed to make whatever decisions about your life and how you spend it.

#ask #anon #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #long post #i'm going to be real... there are very few trans experiences that are unheard of or unwarranted #it's such a common experience i've seen in how you feel #and that's not to say that you shouldn't be listened to but that you aren't alone #and that you aren't... wrong or Not Trans

[titanfall-moddy]

Huge Update

XO25_reworkFor_NSP

Goal: Rework Northstar Prime Titan to sound and behave more like Mihaly and the XO25f from Ace Combat 7

Tasks

1.Change offensive ability from Cluster Rocket to Multi-Target Rocket Core.

2. Create two new skins for NSP. Draw color palett inspo from XO25 Erusian fighters from AC7.

Skin 1 will be sleek and and clean. Mostly black with white and orange accents.

Skin 2 will be more weathered and beat up

3. Fix voiceline Mod

4. Change hud look to resemble AC7 hud. Main changes will include - changes to missile lock crosshairs - changes to taget acquisition crosshairs. Square = titan/vehicles. Octagon = pilot/grunt - change color scheme to green/red depending on situation - add elevation meter, maybe even double hover height, just for fun. kinda broken but whatever.

Lessons learned so far.

T1. Changing the offensive ability is actually really easy. all you have to do is go to /scripts/weapons/wpn_name and swap "shoulder" for "dumbfire" between the two files. While simple, bear in mind that the game will crash if player has not deselected both "Enhanced Payload" - Northstar "Multi-Target Rocket Core" - Monarch

from their Titan Kit. Having either ability selected will cause a crash on Titan spawn.

T2. Getting models into blender and editing them is simple enough through either the VPK tool or Legion+, however the real trick right now is getting them back into the game files in an edited/acceptable state. T3. I learned that nearly all audio for the voiceline mod (especially the viocelines) needs to be on Channel 2, otherwise called stereo. this mean that when you're looking at your audio file in whatever program you're using, there should be two audio waves right on top of each other that are identical. You must almost make sure that there is no meta data in the file, and that it's exported at 48K hz otherwise the game will not play the sound correctly.

Another note, it does not matter what you name the audio file so long as it goes into the proper folder, although giving it a similar name does help with organization.

T4. Changing the crosshair is probably the easiest thing to do in the game files. They're always in weapon .txt files and always at the very bottom. Also, there are plenty of lists online that have all the crosshair names so you don't even have to guess which ones are which or go sleuthing through the game files. I was able to change the mutli-lock crosshair to the smart-pistol reticle easy enough but struggled in getting the target- acquisition marker to show up even though it's coded into the multi-lock file. Weird, I know.

NEXT STEPS:

T1. Figure out whether or not it will be easier to add an entirely new titan via copy/pasting asssets and changing the names, or if I should change all existing assets for the game to XO25. In my brain the latter would be the easiest as there's some background stuff I won't have to change in order for the game to still function properly. However…

T2. My guess is that the easiest way to go about changing the skins is to edit the base model titan and then replace the existing model with my own. That way the edited version is the default skin in-game. However…

T3. I do not know why the mod isn't working anymore. Changing the vpk files shouldn't have affected it at all. I must figure out what's causing the issue. I've boiled it down to three guesses. 1. It's my computer, it just doesnt like or doesn't want to cooperate. 2. There's something actually wrong with the mod, i.e. it's not using the right dependency or something 3. somehow. palpatine returned.

T4. Changing crosshairs is very easy, thankfully. Getting crosshairs to behave is somehow another task entirely since I don't fully understand the games language/structure yet. For this, I need to get a hold of the Ace Combat game files and to be honest I haven't even begun to look into that yet. Hopefully it won't be too much of a hassle to import the assest into the game since they've both been out forever. I'd also like to take this time to stop myself before I add another task onto my already full plate. However…

11/7/2023

#modding #mods #titanfall #titanfall 2 #titanfallmoddy #audio #blender #blendr #the audacity #somehow palpatine returned #update #big update #XO25 #ace combat #ace combat 7 #project wingman #ac7 #the project is officially on github #i could really use some help if anyone feels like they want to jump on board #or offer up some advice #really i will take any pointers you could give me

[the-anime-man]

What if Sig got to the Tome of Sealing first? AKA Tomo AU

hi again tumblr, please dont expect a whole lot from this blog, once again, but, i wanted to post like a little basic thing about this au i've had since 2021 now that i'm back into puyo again,

this is an au that Heavily relies on bits of fanon and headcanon to make it work cuz canon is puyo puyo is very fucking wishy washy but essentially, what if sig had checked out the tome of sealing from the library before klug was able to? (sorry if this is a bit scatterbrained, im not good at organizing my thoughts much,,)

(also please dont mind some of the art, im like an ok artist at best and some of this shit is from 2 years ago as well)

so like, as the absolute fucking nerd i am, i made like an initial google doc on this thing outlining most of the shit im about to summarize here (that i might link if someone asks at some point i guess idk) as well as a fanfic, didnt finish that though, i got like through barely a chapter before i stopped and then i got into sam and max but that's unrelated to now

ANYWAYS, the au is as it sounds, sig goes to precise museum and, guided by the voice of the crimson soul, finds the tome of sealing and checks it out (much to akuma's chargin,,) and then he checks out the book again,,, and again,,,, and a gain,,,, (you see where this is going)

but uh, why is it called tomo au? see im being a little shitter here and i thought maybe the crimson soul's memory would be a little shot after spending ages in a book so they might not remember their name and sig is like "you're my friend now so i'm gonna call you friend/tomodachi" but then he's like "that's too long i'm gonna call you tomo instead" so they just go along with it, for future reference, anytime i mention the crimson soul i'm gonna be calling it Tomo

wow that's really fucking big sorry,

sig has an immense attachment to tomo from the get go btw, he's like, i wanna say like 8 or so when he first gets to the book, so besides the obvious literal halvsies soul connection there's that childhood connection as well,

side note: they can speak to each other cuz of that soul connection btw, it's my personal headcanon that after slug (canon strange klug/the crimson soul) can speak to anybody who they've possessed before as well as their other half, so in canon klug and sig can hear the book talk but in this au only sig can hear them

also, the reason why tomo doesn't attempt to take over sig right from the outset is A) they dunno where the unsealing objects are and B) sig is a child and uh, another part that i'm still trying to work the kinks through of is whether tomo decides to hold off on doing the fusion dance of their own volition or if because the cyan soul (which can speak to tomo, but only when sig is asleep cuz when sig is awake the cyan soul IS sig, nother headcanon sorry) decides it's too soon, they probably have memories of previous incarnations stored in there and know that eventually sig will start showing more demonic traits but not when he's baby

wow this is getting to be a lot but we're not even done cuz now i gotta talk about what this means about shit like fever 2 and such (y'know canon things and all)

boy tumblr just hates making images smaller nowadays huh,

so when sig starts showing signs of his heritage (i.e., a bit before fever 2 happens) tomo and sig start to hatch a plan to get tomo a body back! of course, tomo is omitting some things about how they're actually going to go into sig's body cuz at this point they've been together for a few years now and sig trusts tomo as like, a best friend i guess? something like that,

so sig is under the impression tomo is gonna be released and get their old body back and tomo is under the impression that as soon as the seal releases they'll enter sig's body, join back up with the cyan soul, and return to their original form,

so sig transfers over to amitie and klug's class, (tomo) overhears that lemres is coming into town with the items they need, and they steal the shit and head to the ruins to perform the unsealing

SPOILERS! shit goes wrong

ignore how shitty the ms paint art from a couple of years ago is, might change the hair to be more red in future art

for reasons (that i also need to workshop because to be honest originally it was a "whoever unseals it gets their soul swapped with whoever is trapped in the book" but like??? idk if that's how it should work when it comes to these two specifically), sig and tomo swap places instead of a fusion happening,

sucks balls for both of them cuz this is like the Last thing either of them wanted out of this tbh, sig obviously because well, trust got broken and ended up trapped til the artifacts are stolen (klug either swaps roles with amitie or sig, haven't figured that one out yet either) and tomo most certainly doesn't want sig trapped, as they wouldn't want anyone to experience the loneliness of being sealed away like they were (except klug, fuck klug specifically) (also the chronicles drama cd mentions that part of tomo's character in it so it works for my purposes)

this image wasn't necessarily specific to tomo au but i thought it would fit anyways, sorry it's a bit blurry my phone wouldnt focus on the damn thing properly

and after fever 2,,, i kind of dont have as clear of a story? or a plan? there's some tension between sig and tomo for at least a little while but sig eventually forgives them, as well i don't know how i would tackle something like sig's secret if at all?? but yeah that's the main shit to this au, sorry it's all so very long! this has been on my mind for a few weeks now and it was on my mind for months back in 2021, so i just have a lot i'm throwing out here into the wind, if you got this far: thanks so much for reading!

here's some bonus shit for getting to the end of the main shit:

tomo calls sig "little blue" sometimes, since he's yknow, younger than them and blue but calls the cyan soul their "other half"

if you couldn't tell from the first image, since sig has his bookbag, he carries tomo around in that, but if he's stopped somewhere he'll leave the book open next to him so tomo can see around (hard to see with the covers in the way)

sig was already probably ostricized for yknow, his autistic tendencies, the book did not help with that, but it gave him a trusted confidant :)

sig actually starts developing his demonic traits earlier than in canon due to his proximity to tomo, but not by much

klug has stolen the book before, both demon halves were not pleased with this and klug has not attempted to steal the book again

sig can supplement his own magic power with tomo's for an incredibly large boost, and tomo doesn't mind doing so, this gives sig almost the exact same amount of power as the full demon used to have and also changes his right eye to red

OH, both relevant to this au and my own interpretation: the full demon's name was wisteria, but neither sig nor tomo remember it until either are reminded of that

ok that's it go home now bye bye

#sig puyo puyo #strange klug #puyo puyo #puyo puyo au #long post #under the cut i mean #tomo au #Get me an art tag the thrilling saga #WAIT YOU CAN EDIT TAGS ON TUMBLR NOW WHEN WAS THIS A THING #tldr i have a lot of thoughts about this dumbass au i've made enjoy my scattered ramblings 👍

[almoonds]

why is it with every kkg reread i do, i come to a new realization or perspective about a character or the plotline.... does this mean it rlly does have superb writing or am i only just repeatedly consuming my fave series .

anyway i'm dumping some thoughts for ch 91

i don't think it's quite noticeable with the way the two of them are being promoted, but i see kirari and yumeko as two entirely different people. the manga generally pushes for the two of them to be like two peas in a pod (two kakeguruis) but the way they function are SO different to me.

when mary and ririka revealed to kirari their little side bet, you could see how this lowers kirari's morale. you would notice that she really /does/ want to win in this gamble, she's not playing purely for the sake of it. she literally aims to win this gamble because i can guess that partly, she wants to prove that she can best ririka, and that she wants to be president, more than anyone else. (and you know how kirari gets when she /wants/ something. she ALWAYS expects that she gets it and does everything in her power to get it.)

if it was yumeko in that chair, it would be an entirely different story. yumeko would actually /want/ for crazy stakes. you could see only a few gambles where yumeko plays to win. (e.g. yumeko v terano, she's playing to win BCS she wants to play against kirari) and yet, even if she plays to win, she still lets her own desires get ahead of her because it thrills her. if yumeko feels like she might lose, she would be thrilled (see image below); likewise, if she fully reads her opponent and gets the gist of their gamble, she would be ecstatic (i.e. the stuco gambles).

moreover, you don't see kirari looking excited from losing to mary and ririka. she /wants/ to get her way, even if she has to exhaust all her efforts to do it. which moves to my next point.

the tides are all up against kirari. now it absolutely BAFFLES me how amazingly she can turn the tables and psychologically attack her opponents with one single statement.

in this panel, she literally /enables/ ririka. she reminds her of her roots, and what she was fundamentally founded on. she wants to test how far ririka has gone on without any string attached to her. and look how it catches everyone off guard! it's amazing how kirari can manipulate a person and a situation as effortless as batting an eyelash. (actually reminds me of joker, but that's a thought dump for another time)

but then ultimately, she still loses at that.

now, another one of mary's cheats is on. she's perfectly confident on beating kirari once again. now look how kirari shatters this newfound confidence

kirari is psychologically testing her opponent again, this time with mary. she wants to test this world-famous iron willpower that supposedly entrances everyone mary comes across with. she wants to see how far this could reach: whether mary would confidently back out or confidently go all-in. but mary, as evidently it's shown in the entire series, is a human that naturally gets tossed by fear. and what do you do when you can't fully decide on a thing?

you go middle ground

which throws kirari off. it turns out, mary's iron willpower isn't all that invincible (which i think is just natural for humans like us)

okay now i'll fast forward. ririka (now awaken that she's a momobami by roots) takes advantage of their lil dispute and bites kirari instead, throwing the both of them off guard.

i'll end this long post with a lil appreciation for the mary-ririka duo. it's absolutely brilliant for these two to team up: someone with enormous willpower that can take up anyone she wants to go against (namely momobami kirari), and someone with fundamentally the same cut as the insanity kirari has. mary was right: she can never take on kirari alone simply because she doesn't have the guts to stomach bets with insane risks and insane returns while currently being manipulated by the opponent. ririka, on the other hand, absolutely can. what ririka lacks, however, is the confidence and decisiveness that mary possesses.

#kakegurui #i was finding reference for a panel but then this analysis happened #uhhhh #kirari momobami #ririka momobami #mary saotome #yumeko jabami #thought dumps

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

curry opinions and favourite curry?

I'm not sure I have any, but if you want me to say something then "curry is a good thing" and "chicken curry with coconut milk (and maybe ginger) is very good." If there are people out there who don't think so, they should eat more Indian food.

(A friend of mine once said he didn't like curries because the vegetables were too strong -- which strikes me as basically saying that one wants chicken soup without actual chicken in it? I guess the idea was that the vegetable ingredients overwhelm everything else?)

The only other time I can remember thinking about this sort of question was when I first discovered the existence of korma. To my American ears at least, "korma" sounded suspiciously close to "corn mah," i.e. corn meatloaf, which seemed like an unfortunate name for a dish even before I knew what korma was.

Then again, my parents used to make "pork fried rice" all the time, until I finally asked them why they never made plain "fried rice". My mom just looked confused, while my father said:

"You know, 'fried rice.' Fried rice. Like from McDonalds or Panda Express."

"No... no! We actually cook our own rice!"

to use instead of microwaving stuff from those places."

"Oh! Well we do that sometimes too."

"Well, how do you get rid of all the pork smell?"

"What?? It doesn't smell like anything; it tastes fine!"

[...]

[My mother] started explaining that she had grown up on Japanese food, where meat almost always has some kind of sauce on top, which covers its distinctive flavor. [...] So she thought having meat on the side would be easier than making several different dishes, each with its own specific sauces. She also said, "We could eat Italian sometimes, since it doesn't taste fishy either." [Our family doesn't really have a tradition around eating fish.]

[...] I tried to explain that in Western cuisine, pork tends to have a very unique, salty taste, especially when well-cooked, and that this makes it hard to mix it into many recipes. But it's difficult to convey these ideas in words alone.

Yet another example of how our worldviews differ depending on whether we grow up eating certain things or not.

#bitchy-f3minist

[literalliterature]

tell me about "Vesalius," "Once," or both. give me that original fiction. none of that fanfiction stuff I want Pure, Unadulterated Jack Originals. pouring like oil-iridescence from your face holes. uncut and crude.

I'm going to talk about Once because Vesalius is completely up in the air right now with regard to what I want to do with it and needs a complete plot overhaul. Also, I love Once and really ought to get back to it after not really touching it for awhile.

So first off, "Once" is pronounced like the Spanish word for "eleven," not like the English word "once." The story is about fantasy cowboys because as we all know I have a very specific brand, and "elevens" is the name of a particular riding contest that cowboys would have, which carries on in some forms of rodeo today!

Anyway, for my snippet I will post the first opening paragraphs and then provide a bit more detail.

Before she got rabid, we had a collie that breathed heavy when she slept, same way Nets is doing now. Some nights I'd sneak her in from the north field and press my hand down hard on her haunches like I would do to a wall, and she'd give way all at once. She buckled over my knees and pressed herself flat. Long fur puddling all over the blanket, stuck full of burs or sometimes fat ticks that were all seed-hard and round, fur so thick I could stick my whole hand in without feeling her ribs. I think of her, and I think of pelts with just the heads and legs attached. But her breathing was deep and loud and sometimes the only way I knew I hadn't come loose from the world and floated up into the sky. Every breath deep and strong enough to fuel a growl, every breath a puff of sage smoke. I liked that dog. Begged Mother to make a little sibling out of her for me, but only a damn fool would make a child out of a pet and furthermore I've only got the one hand left, is what she told me. And then the dog got rabid anyway, but it probably wouldn't have worked out even if she hadn't. I reckon I wouldn't want that now. Wouldn't be kind to anyone, really, trying to love something like a person when you'd been used to loving it like an animal.

Funny that someone named Nets should remind me of a big old dog, I guess, but it's always been funny, what she reminds me of. Her breath is textured, like the collie's was. It roughens as it runs upstream out of her. I've got nothing to do all night except imagine the path it takes to leave her, starting right from the place where you can feel the throat stick to itself in a dry swallow, coming up and scraping all along the roof of her mouth until it gets past the teeth. She lies on her side and curves her large body into the shape of a crescent moon or empty bowl when she sleeps. I'm small enough to tuck inside her cavity. My belly's to the stub-grass, and I rest my chin and gun barrel on her bicep, since her arm's flopped out. She makes a den of herself, and I don't think too hard about it. It's warm enough, anyway.

So this story focuses primarily on the complicated, potentially rekindling relationship between Nets and the narrator, Millstone, after a long separation, but everything is Not What It Seems about Nets and maybe never was etc. etc. ad infinitum. In the world they live in, human children are Born, capital B, as opposed to being lowercase born, the way that animals are. Being Born like a civilized person means engaging in a magic ritual involving, among other things, the death of an animal that ends up being transfigured into the new child. Mill was Born from a coyote, Nets was Born from a passenger pigeon, and both of them work as "midwives" in addition to regular cowboys--i.e., they help conduct the Birthing ritual for people using the cattle that they herd when requested.

Anyway originally this was going to be a short story but it may turn into a novella, because I'm having too much fun with the world's superstitions and taboos about what it means to be Born from one animal versus another, whether it is possible to revert back to the animal that you were before, etc.

This was incoherent because it's 5:30 AM but lemme know if you want clarification. Thanks Luna <3

#once #my writing #punkbirdwitch #ask meme

[articlesofnote]

a true original

so I spend a lot of time thinking, just letting the brain do its thing while it spends whatever effort it needs to spend on keeping my heart beating and operating my sweat glands and whatever. and, wow, do I want to go back and redo that first paragraph, but I won't, for reasons which may (or may not) become clear. y'see, just a minute ago I watched a youtube (id: aCZ1CFRwhQI) which is from some internet guy talking about The Wire. the Algorithm knows that I like The Wire, so I guess that's why I got this one. it's a li'l eight-minute video precis about this one shot, where the camera pulls back and there's a shit-ton of cans on a roof. it was an ok video! it had some new information for me, about one of the showrunner's philosophy about how the camera should work, and a new way (to me) of articulating that philosophy: the idea of "what the camera knows." but, the analysis of the shot itself was pretty thin sauce. the guy who made the video also got some characters names wrong! which is Very Irritating for a pedant like me. so I'm thinking about this video, and my reaction to it. i'm thinking, particularly, about whether it is possible - and if possible, desirable - to contribute actually original perspectives into the world. i feel that, yes, it's possible but really fucking challenging, because there's a lot of people saying a lot of things about a lot of stuff. and yes, it's desirable, because otherwise nothing ever changes, and culture becomes more and more homogeneous as everybody comments on the comments on the comments on... the comments on some cultural artifact that represented an Original Perspective on Something. and homogeneity is bad! I think! i'm pretty sure? but, also, for something to be commentary it has to exist in such a way that some audience somewhere can understand it; they have to have enough of the contextual pieces already that they can see the connection that the commentary is trying to make. something actually original would definitionally be impossible to understand, since nobody would have a frame of reference for it, so whatever else it might be, it would be bad commentary. so, this video. am I the audience? maybe - I watched it, I thought it was ok, I got something out of it. probably an ok use of eight-ish minutes. i've wasted time in much dumber ways. but i feel like the only response I have to something like that is to make another video being like "here's MY take on that shot" - and it would have basically 99% of its DNA in common with the video it was a response to. it hardly feels like I could contribute something meaningful. and those are two concepts I didn't expect to find linked in my mind - that Meaningfulness is so closely synonymous with Originality that I'll just use the one when I've been talking about the other. so, okay, what I care about is meaning... and, christ, that sounds so goddamn banal when I actually write it out. like, no shit I care about meaning? on the other hand, though, why feel bad about just saying that? like i've committed a faux-pas or something. where the hell did these rules in my mind come from? i guess, you know, cliche is bad... didn't realize I'd internalized that so strongly! which brings us back to that first paragraph - i feel like what I wrote is some weird-ass way to try and acknowledge that the Cartesian mind-body dualism is horseshit, in my own words - i.e. to actually contribute an original expression! about a thought that matters to me! that is, to acknowledge and express something that I find meaningful, albeit in an obscure way. and my IMMEDIATE and NEARLY OVERWHELMING instinct was "do not, should not, cannot write this, delete now, bad" - and i'm fighting that instinct AGAIN, thinking about actually posting this - so like, damn, thank you random youtuber for making a kinda mediocre video about something I like, so I could have some feelings about it, then have some feelings about the feelings, then write about the feelings about the feelings in this tumblr post. thank you, in other words, for helping me feel okay about saying something original EDIT: also, lmao, the beta editor had a bug and wouldn’t let me post this at first

[adventuresofpotat]

Thoughts #014: Backstory considerations, Minion naming

Still not sure what to do about my wol's backstory and "real" identity. I think ultimately it will come down to whether or not I end up really liking one of the characters enough to want to self-insert my wol as a romance companion. I.e., ya'll will just have to wait for me to play through enough of this game before I have a feel for what I wanna do about the backstory for my wol lol

If I don't end up liking anyone enough to romance, I'll likely keep my wol as a lala. But if I do... I'll likely swap my lala into a miqo once I get a bottle of fantasia. Again, I cannot for the life of me envision romancing, say, Thancred, while the size of a lala. I just...no. LOL

If I keep my wol as a lala, then the backstory goes back to isekai-style, where Sneeze was once a human and then got stuffed into a teeny tiny lala body with the promise of being able to return to earth if she helps defeat the big bad evil in eorzea. But (of course) sneeze isn't going to want to leave after... presumably like. YEARS of living in Eorzea? LOL And I can make some sort of backstory for Sneeze's time on earth to make the decision to stay in Eorzea make sense, I guess.

I suppose there's also no stopping of doing a semi-combination of the two, where I keep the isekai concept, but just write in a fantasia evolution piece if I do end up wanting to romance any of the canonical characters later on down the line.

...Actually, maybe that would make more sense? LOL I'm impatient so lowkey I want to just establish something without much more delay, so... I'll think on the idea some more, but it does feel more promising since it would allow me to establish a backstory, be done with it, and move on.

In terms of other related details, I p much want to make Gridania the home-area for my wol since I really like the foresty aesthetic of the region. And irl I do admire plants and flowers a lot, and really like reading about peoples' concoctions they can make from various herbs, etc. be it from like native stories, fictional tales of witches or alchemists, etc... they always fascinate me. So I want to work that into my wol's lore somehow, too. Maybe Sneeze hails from a family of potion-crafters, or something lol. (Or a family who runs a private, wholistic medicine pharmacy, if I go with the isekai route.)

As for naming my minions, I've really taken to having the red panda out. I think because it sits on my wol's head so cutely so I ended up just...keeping it out lmfao. I think for now, I'll just name the one minion, but if I start swapping it out for other minions, I'll name them as I go.

But now to name the red panda... Pepper? Paprika? Peanut? Tofu... But...if it could be a somewhat red-colored food item, I think that would give it some extra cuteness, lol.

Pepper and Paprika kind of give an impression of redness. Apple. Tomato. Turnip? Hmm...

...a few moments later LOL

I think I'll settle with Turnip! Turnips aren't exactly red, but the purplish and white coloration pattern kinda suits a red panda's, don't you think? (:

And now I'm already thinking about how I'd gijinka the red panda into an anthropomorphized companion for Sneeze huhu... Can ya'll imagine how CUTE that would be oh my god 😭💚

Also, a random aside... I really, really want to get a moogle companion/minion bc they're so CUTE!! 😭💚 Hopefully one day...

#ooc #misc. #wol sneeze

[goodmode]

For the anonymous admissions: Even though it feels better than calling myself cis, I'm still not completely comfortable with identifying nonbinary because I don't want to get top surgery or change my name. I feel like I've seen people say really terrible things about trans/nonbinary people who don't want to get surgery, and im honestly kind of scared of telling people about my identity because I'm worried they'll think I'm not actually nonbinary, or that i don't deserve to call myself that because I don't really have a lot of dysphoria. :(

i'm still debating surgery myself! do i want to get rid of the tits - or would i just be doing it for other people's perception of me? and thus: would i just be doing it for other people? which is not a good reason to do anything.

i think these things take a LOT of thought. more than anyone tells you it takes, because most of that thought happens very privately, after 5pm, drinking a beverage, and doesn't get documented or posted on public socials. going into nonbinary gender is easy. then deciding what you may or may not actually want to do about it is... very very hard

it's probably been over 10 years since i made the uneasy step into calling myself they/them and admitting i'm "probably nonbinary" and then committing fully to the idea that i am Definitely Not A Gender. and i'm still very unsure of whether i want to get any surgery done.

but i'm 29, i have like the rest of the century (health permitting) to make that choice. my family are still around and i think that affects my decisionmaking too. maybe i'll make the decision in a couple of years and go "alright let's get these bad bitches lopped off like an expensive haircut and i'll Feel So Much Better". maybe i won't. maybe i'll decide it when i'm 80 and have nothing left to lose, and i'll get to be some batshit powerful titless old person wrinkling around flashing my bare-but-legal titscar chest.

maybe i will find someday that actually i'm comfortable enough with the tits? and just never get any surgery.

i'm still nonbinary though. i still have no gender. my tits aren't gendered and VERY OFTEN i have to loudly remind myself of this. a lot of trans men have tits too, they're not women either. that helps me a lot. and intersex people too

i only changed my name to something that sounds very similar to my birthname so i don't have to remember anything new because i'm a dumb cat who responds just as well to "Beans" as i do to "Sheen" or "Peepee". know what i mean. but my birthname isn't exactly dead because... i grew up with that, that's a little part of me still, my family still calls me that. (it's still on my official documents too. so i have to keep informing employers etc that I Don't Go By That Now. Please Call Me This Instead. a lot of them are very understanding now luckily!)

i only get a weird feeling about the things that i have to deal with often, i.e. tits that stick out on my body so that other people can see them.

my inner personal debate is usually about whether it's worth it to get rid of them - it's not like i'll be using them, i don't want children, they don't contribute to my body image either, i don't care that much about them, etc etc. but am i doing it for me, or for other people?

i think that's a question a lot of people are still addressing very privately. i'm happy to talk about mine because i personally am very Open About The Transgenderism, The No Gender, And The Tits. but a lot of people are much more private about this, so remember you may not always hear the voices of people who are having the same struggle! but they're definitely out there.

i guess what i'm saying is: there is plenty plenty PLENTY of time to make this choice. whatever choice you make should be for YOU and only for you. but separating how you feel about yourself, from how you feel about others' perception of you, is a very important thing to think about, and it may take you a very long time! in the meantime, try not to dwell on it. events and times and media will come along that will help you to suddenly make progress on that inner debate. but there really is no rush to make a decision until you're sure, and that isn't a hurry itself.

hope that helps somehow! i'm baring a lot of myself to write this

#gmask #gmtxt #gm smacks of gender #anonymous

[magicinaframe-part2]

Hell Is Something We Create In Our Minds

Among movie categories and labels, a sure-fire way to disinterest someone's choice of a movie to watch is to say the words 'character study.'

Over the years, what I have heard and read is that if someone watches a character study movie, then they are going to be bored; i.e., nothing happens in a character study movie.

In my not-so-humble opinion, it's really accurate to say to the person who wants to stay away from a character study movie that "Not enough happens." People who dislike character study movies are accustomed to watching movies -- whether comedy or drama -- with a lot of action.

So...I guess the only way that a movie lover, here, at Tumblr will watch a character study movie is if they are stuck at home waiting for a phone call -- or if they are home ill.

Which is a mistake.

I'm trying to recall the last time a Hollywood studio released a movie that was labeled a character study and I'm drawing a blank. I'm not paying a whole lot of attention to all of the movie-in-theater releases since the start of the Coronavirus pandemic, so that accounts for much of my ignorance.

However, I do recall two features that were in theaters a couple of years after September 11th. Both were comedies: MATCHSTICK MEN and EXPIRED.

When I sat down to watch the movie 'titled JUST BEFORE NIGHTFALL (org'l title; JUSTE AVANT LA NUIT - 1971), I had very little information. I knew that it was a French language movie. I knew that it was a drama. I knew the name of the director. I recognized the name of one of the cast members. I knew that a character in the movie is murdered. And that's it.

JUST BEFORE NIGHTFALL is a character study movie. And for you -- you who are reading my words -- to watch this 100-minute movie, you might learn that 'not enough happening' is misleading, because if you want to -- or need to -- find out what will happen to one or more characters in the movie, then the amount of action that happens -- or does not happen -- as the plot plays out becomes subjective. And in the case of JUST BEFORE NIGHTFALL, you might also learn something about human behavior.

There's no way that I will give the plot away.

How many times have I read in a newspaper article or saw on a television news broadcast a neighbor of a murder suspect say "I had no idea about Fed Smith; he's been great with me and my kids..." How many times? Many times, countless times.

Fred Smith is like many people who I pass on the street, here, in my part of New York City.

The script of JUST BEFORE NIGHTFALL is an adaptation of a novel by a writer named Edouard Atiyah whom I have never heard of. The movie presents a Fred Smith-type character and details his personality, the way he thinks, the way he behaves. And what happens to this Fred Smith-type character is something that you're not likely to forget.

JUST BEFORE NIGHTFALL is an example of a movie that should be better known. It is available on DVD, with English subtitles. I recommend the movie to everyone, here, at Tumblr.

-- Drew Simels

[swiftiephobe]

Hello there !!

OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE THE CUTEST CATS !! I have this dream since I was little to get a black cat and name her Sabrina but now I have a dog and I can't really afford looking after another pet so she'll stay just a dream for a little while.

And you're seeing Phoebe ????? I'm so jealous (politely). I'm such a big fan, unfortunately she rarely comes anywhere near my country and I have to see Taylor and Harry first also tickets + accommodations, everything gets very expensive so Phoebe will wait asdfghjkl.

How did it go with your friends in the pub ? I hope you had a good time !!! I understand you're already off work for the holidays ? This sounds great and I am once again jealous (politely) because we work until December 23rd so I have one more day until I can breathe.

I see you're very passionate about the MBTI types. I got my type from 16personalities and according to them I'm an INFP. I still haven't taken the test that you've linked but I will let you know my result as soon as I do !!!! Meanwhile, can you tell me something more about INFPs ? Or give me a link to a website where I can read more, if that's alright with you. Also, what's your MBTI type and what do you like and dislike about it ?

Love,

Secret Santa 🎅

omg sabrina! i love that name for a cat! was it perhaps inspired by sabrina the teenage witch (and the black cat salem from that show)? it's cool that you have a dog though!! my household has always been a cats household, i think my parents do eventually want to get a dog (and i wouldn't mind one too!) but it is a bit complicated when we already have cats haha

and yes i'm going to see phoebe in feb!! i'm super excited. i'm very lucky/grateful that i live in a city where concerts come to, as long as artists tour australia they will almost certainly come to sydney, so i don't have to pay for travel or accommodation which definitely makes a big difference. i'm guessing you're also waiting on taylor to announce international dates!! i'm very much anticipating the announcement but also fearing it because i just know trying to get tickets is going to be so crazy!

thank you, it did go well! and yeah, when i say my "work" i'm actually a phd student, so technically what i do is actually study but it's pretty much my full time job! i never know whether to refer to it as "uni" or "work" because it's not like a typical degree but i'm also not technically employed for what i do so 😅 the university i'm at closes down for two weeks between christmas and new year, so we all get that time off which is really nice! up until i started this year i worked casual in retail for like 6 years so this will be the first christmas eve in that time that i haven't had to work which is refreshing! i hope you get a nice break too!!

ooh yes, the problem with tests like 16personalities is that they're what's known as "dichotomy" tests, where they test for i vs e, s vs n, etc. which kinda oversimplifies it and gives off the impression that people are one or the other, and also leads to some stereotypes (e.g. sensors aren't creative, feelers are overemotional, etc) which just kinda biases people towards/against certain types! i have a link in my pinned post as well which is an intro to the cognitive functions which is (in my opinion) a more in-depth and accurate way to look at mbti! i have an explanation under the cut too because it got a bit long and i don't want to annoy anyone on my dash haha. i see your other ask too so i'll answer that as well so i can tell you more about your potential types!!

basically there are 8 cognitive functions and each type uses 4, probably most importantly every type actually has a mixture of all "categories" of functions - i.e. everyone senses, everyone intuits, everyone feels, everyone thinks, and there are "introverted" and "extroverted" variations on those functions that on a very basic level equates to whether you focus it function internally or externally, and you're stronger at some functions than you are at others. i'm probably not going to be the best at explaining it haha but as an example i'm an istj, so my dominant/first function is introverted sensing (Si) (and my other functions are extroverted thinking Te, introverted feeling Fi and extroverted intuition Ne, in that order). having high Si relates to me having a really good memory, and i trust what i've observed and experienced in the past to guide me in the present (as a comparison, people with extroverted sensing, or Se, are those people that live very in the moment and are really attuned to what is happening around them so are more inclined to spontaneity!). so in that sense i like that i have such a strong memory, and i think overall my functions contribute to me being as reliable as i am, but i'm definitely not as great at being flexible or going with the flow as sometimes i should be! there's definitely different strengths to each of the different types.

it can be a bit complicated to understand when you're first getting into it, especially when considering all the different functions and how they manifest at different positions - like i have Ne as my fourth/inferior function, but a person with Ne as their dominant or auxiliary (first or second) function (xNxP types) will use it very differently/more effectively than i can!! at the end of the day it's all for fun and i don't think it's the be-all-and-end-all of personality but i found that learning more about mbti really helped me understand myself and also appreciate how others approach and understand things differently to me!

#santaswiftie #i'm sorry if my explanation is a bit much ashfhsjfjdk i won't be offended if you don't read it all #i find mbti super interesting but i can also appreciate if others aren't so you don't have to indulge me on it if you don't want to hahah