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ceruleancattail · 4 hours

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I see your requests are open and I haven’t made one in a long time. Feel free to not write about this because I am a sucker for only one or two aus🥹I’m just boring like that. I feel like I’m a regular at a cafe that asks for the same thing- I’m so sorry😭🙏

Firstly, HOW ARE YOU and take your time with these requests💖🫶 may I ask for a Nightfall Leona and Floyd? Maybe diving deep into their relationship with the reader? Or how about reader catching them in the act (of their evil deeds perhaps👀) how would Leona and Floyd react?

Nah you’re good! It’s like having a familiar face drop by and I already have the order ready to go. It’s a comforting thing, like a set routine? Please don’t feel so bad about it! I really took my time with this oops-

Nightfall Au

General Headcanons for Leona and Floyd

Leona x reader, Floyd x reader

Tw: death, gore, kinda yandere because it’s a Ceru fic, of course it is-

Leona Kingscholar

The boss of Savanaclaw.

He’s very practical in the way he runs the gang. Moving men around with a hooked finger, shifting them like pieces on the chessboard. Unfortunately, he does value each and every one of them, which makes him such an interesting person to work with.

He’ll never admit it though. Always muttering about doing things with the least amount of effort needed in his part… although his operations always seem to have the least causalities as well.

Leona knows the names of every single person who’s in Savanaclaw. He’s memorised them, actually. However, if you ever mention it, Leona’s face takes on a more sober shade.

“Ain’t nothin’ much. At least I’ll know what to put on their tombstone.”

How did he discover the Lantern?

Leona has made a habit of wandering about at night. There aren’t too many people out and about then, and those who are, were normally too drunk to care about him. For a while, Leona’s just another person on the street. It suits him just fine, really. He’ll pick a lonely corner shrouded in shadow, watching people stagger by silently. Quietly observing, taking note of each person’s pace, the way they carried themselves.

As tiresome as people were, reading them like a book was something that came naturally to Leona. Although like with every skill, it has to be practised and honed, lest the blade of talent turns dull.

Sometimes, he gets a little peckish. Walking about in the dark does that to a person. By chance, he walks by the Lantern. A 24 hour cafe, lights still twinkling from within glass doors. He pauses in front, watching the person manning the counter. How hardworking, they seemed to be. A little anxious as well, rearranging pastries over and over again. It was a rather adorable sight.

You’d piqued his interest, rather you like it or not.

Relationship with Him

It feels like he exists just to frustrate you, sometimes. Leona takes forever with his orders, dragging a crooked finger across the menu. He often has the most ridiculously convoluted orders ever, with a seemingly endless list of requirements. He likes watching your lips curl in frustration, as you mutter his order quietly under your breath.

How you’re so clearly annoyed with him, but you’re still rushing around the kitchen all the same, determined to fulfil whatever he says. It’s almost as you take it as a personal challenge.

Leona likes to watch you bustle around, pouring out your very heart into the meal. There’s a passion burning behind those eyes as you busy yourself with his order. There’s little he misses, especially if it’s about you. Your little habits in the kitchen, the way you hold your utensils… Leona sees and remembers it all.

He also doesn’t miss the gleam in your eyes and you place his order before him, beaming at a job well done. That pride you take in your work is rather respectable. Your smile then is also pretty cute, honestly.

As much Leona likes to tease, you hardly feel any malice from his actions. It’s almost as if you’re being batted around softly by a cat’s paws, a treasured possession. Something to amuse him, for a while. Yet there was a warmth behind his expression, whenever you met his gaze. An almost tender look.

Ever since Leona started frequenting your cafe, tools haven’t seem to be breaking down as often. Heck, you don’t even remember having this much silverware. It’s almost as if they multiply by themselves every week… how strange.

Probably nothing much… right?

If He’s caught in Red-Handed

Leona doesn’t take drastic measures to appear like a normal citizen. Lying to you would be too much of a bother, so what he does is to mislead you. If you question about his occupation, Leona just says he runs an organisation. He’ll not elaborate much, only keeping things to short sentences and grunts, neither confirming nor denying any of your questions.

Although if he’s finally caught in the act, it would probably in the name of protecting you or the cafe. Calmly shooting someone who dared to attempt a robbery in the Lantern point blank, without even so much as a change in expression. Leona would simply call up some of his men to clean up the mess.

Don’t worry, no crime will be linked back to you, so don’t worry your lil’ head, herbivore.

If you’re shocked, he’s just going to laugh at the way your eyes widen. Did he ever tell you what he did? No? So why are you surprised by this? Whatever expectations you have in your head, dash them.

He’s a murderer, and that’s what he’ll stay as.

Chuckling coldly, he’ll simply tuck his payment under his cup, before walking off into the night. Having people target the cafe means that you’ll be in danger. So Leona will simply take his leave. Let those ruffians chase him instead.

He’ll still keep tabs on you, watching from building rooftops, from within parked cars. Leona’s still staring wistfully into the kitchen you roam within. Even after all his big talk, he’s the one who can’t leave you.

Although if you were the one who was attacked, you’ll get to see the brutality of Leona Kingscholar. A shot to the head was too merciful for scum like them. Leona’s arm snakes around your waist, yanking you closer to him. While he fires round after round into the attacker’s thighs, rendering them immobile. What happens next? Leona wouldn’t let you see.

He’ll yank you into his coat, shielding your eyes from whatever gruesome scene awaits before you. A part of him feels a pang of pain at the way you shiver and tremble within his grasp. You’ve been led to believe the great big cat who frequented your store was docile. Now, you’ve seen his fangs.

For once, you’re afraid of the lion.

You won’t have any say, if this happens. Leona’s dragging you into a car and taking you… somewhere. Somewhere “safe”. Everything you need from your house? He’s sending men over right now to grab everything they can. You were almost murdered on Leona’s watch. You can bet he’s worried to death about your safety now.

You’re just some herbivore, after all. If he wasn’t there… no. He was there. And he’ll always be, from now on.

You’ll never leave his side ever again.

Floyd Leech

The famed loose canon of Octavinelle, Floyd Leech. Dual wielding a pair of destructive guns, he’s famed for the absolute blood baths he leaves behind. He’s who Octavinelle sends whenever they want to make a statement. Whether it’s to threaten rival gangs to return what they’re owe, or to destroy them entirely, Floyd’s the guy for the job.

The only problem is that he’s a little too unpredictable for fine operations. If you make him wait too long, he’s stepping on the gas and leaving you far, far behind in the dust. Not the best trait you’ll want in a getaway driver.

As crazed as people make him out to be, Floyd can be reasoned with. He actively ensures that whatever deals he deals are “fair” in the loosest sense. Both parties have to gain something, in order for it to be called a deal, after all.

If something’s a waste of time, Floyd would tell you that straight up. Was it him being kind, or could he just not be bothered to lie? Nobody really knows.

How did he discover the Lantern?

He was probably hungry. For those who lurk within the shadows, the night is the best time to work. After all, it’s called the “dead of night” for a reason. It’s already dead, so what’s the difference of adding more deaths to that phrase?

The problem is that not a lot of stores are open at these ungodly hours, and Floyd’s pretty sick of eating instant meals. Sure, they’re tasty, but if you eat enough of them, they just feel… dry. Empty, in an odd sort of way. Also, if he eats too much, he’ll feel sick, so no thanks.

So he’ll drag himself from street to street, searching for something to satisfy his grumbling stomach. Until he spots a light in the distance, and the heavenly scent of freshly baked bread waft into his nostrils. His gaze flickers up to a signboard before him.

The Lantern, huh? The worker’s kinda’ cute. Scampering here and there like a lil’ shrimp caught up in the currents. Hey, maybe he’ll call them shrimpy.

Guess he could give this place a try. Anything’s better than eating out of a plastic box again.

Relationship with Him

Floyd pesters you all the time. Leaning over the counter, fiddling with the bell until you come out. Even then, you have to physically pry the bell out of his hands for him to stop ringing it. He’s stubborn, though.

So both of you end up in a wrestle for the bell, fingers slipping and pulling away. Floyd plays dirty, though. He’ll hold it high above your head so you’ll have to jump and try to reach it. He’s laughing all the while. Yet there’s a weakness in that tactic you exploit daily.

His sides. You’ll jab and tickle him until Floyd’s laughing hysterically, and the bell will drop. These little tussles add some colour to your day, at the very least. After a shift of standing idle, a playful fight helps to get some blood pumping. As much as you grumble about it, you have to admit that it’s fun.

Floyd always seems to pop in at odd hours, so most of the time it’s just you and him. While you’re whipping up his massive order (how can one guy eat that much?), Floyd’s doing some redecorating. Pushing all the tables together to form one big table, arranging the chairs so there’s two of them, facing each other.

Sometimes, if you’re shorter than him, he stacks up the chairs as a personal jibe at you. If you’re taller than him, now he’ll stack up his own chairs, so he towers above you.

Floyd always shares half of what he orders with you. Even if you refuse, he’s grabbing you by the wrist and forcing a spoonful of desert into your mouth. How is it? Isn’t it so good? Y’know, Floyd does really like the cooking here. He does appreciate the effort you put into each and every single thing you serve, so what better way to thank you than to encourage force you into taking a break?

Besides, there isn’t anyone else in the store now. Just you and him. Aw, you went all red when he said that. Hopeless romantic, huh?

That’s cute, shrimpy.

If He’s caught Red-Handed

Floyd’s another guy who would simply not care. Ask him no questions, and he’ll tell no lies. He effectively hushes your endless inquires with howling laughter, before his voice drops:

“Do you really want to know?”

He’s not against telling you what he does for a living, but Floyd wouldn’t want to scare you away… too soon, at least. Although, he drops a few hints here and there sometimes, just to see that flicker of panic flitter over your expression. Allowing you to catch a small glimpse of his holsters, rolling up his sleeves to reveal arms filled with tattoos swirling around his arms.

Sometimes, he’ll come to the Lantern all battered up. Nothing too drastic, only a few cuts and scrapes all over his skin. He’ll throw his arms over your shoulders, whining about how much it stings, how much it hurts until you cave in and give him some attention.

Floyd loves it when you tend to his wounds. Every touch gentle, pressing softly into his tender skin. Even your chiding sounds melodious to his ears. Man, you’re really worried about him, aren’t you?

He’s silent during those times, content with watching your hands wash and dress his wounds. Your fingertips brush against his hands sometimes, a warm caress. It’s gone all too soon, warmth vanishing into the air. Floyd’s left craving for more, long after your hands leave his skin.

Your warmth, your touch, your love… Floyd just wants it all. But he’s not rash. He’ll wait patiently for you, until the lil’ shrimp wanders into his clutches themselves… then he’ll engulf them in his embrace then. He’ll wait.

Of course, that is if you’re safe.

For Floyd, no matter whether it’s the Lantern or you that’s attacked, he’s seeing red. The Lantern was your workplace. It could have hurt you, killed you-

There’s no reasoning with Floyd on this. He’s not even going to bother with calling backup. He’s holding up both of his guns, sending bullet after bullet after the attackers with a deathly calmness. Floyd fires again and again, until the click of his guns alert him to the lack of bullets within.

Oh, if they attack you? Floyd’s pulling out all the stops. He wouldn’t even bother with a gun, effectively tackling the attacker with his arms alone, disarming them with a sharp slap to the wrist. A sadistic grin spread across his lips, you’ll have to close your own eyes as he snaps the poor attacker’s arms.

It’s messy, it’s gruesome, it’s cruel.

A pair of wet hands grab at your hands, staining your fingers a bright crimson red. Hey, why are you looking away? There’s no need to be scared now, Floyd took care of it. They were going to do so much worse to you, Y’know?

His arms snake around your torso, pulling you gently towards his torso. Floyd’s doing his best to be all soft and gentle to you, and you know that. But it’s hard not to be afraid of those same soft and tender hands, once you’ve seen them quite literally rip a person apart.

Aw, you’re trembling, Shrimpy! Relax, Floyd’s going to bring you somewhere safe. Somewhere that’s just you and him.

Isn’t that just so nice of him?

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bellewintersroe · 3 days

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I'm back in your inbox with new ideas! Lol. The guys being left to care for your baby alone for the first time. I feel like this would kinda be both sweet and hilarious. For Malarkey, Chuck, Babe, Shifty, Winters, Luz, Liebgott, and whoever else you wanna add. ❤️

Super cute idea omg, I love this, thank you for your requests!!!

Easy Company x Reader Headcannons.

Don Malarkey:

- okay 1000% is super confident when you’re around, he LOVES fatherhood, he’s so emotionally intelligent and caring that he’s the perfect dad, I can’t stress that enough (for all the men).

- when you leave just for a couple hours the baby’s probs asleep and Malarkey’s calm and content, just chilling, reading the paper and what not.

- That’s until the baby starts crying, at first he just goes for it, but when he can’t seem to settle your son he’s deffo raking his brain for every single thing he can do.

- Speaks to himself ‘okay, okay. What do I do?’

- would accidentally put the baby’s vest on backwards, or accidentally put his foot through the head hole.

- He doesn’t exactly fret, but he’s a little flustered and clumsy, especially when the baby won’t stop crying for its bottle and Don spills it all over the floor.

- But he wants everything to be perfect for when you come back, so as soon as he hears that door go he’s resting as carefully as he can back on the sofa with your baby boy wriggling resting on his chest.

Chuck Grant:

- I think after his accident Chuck is a lot more nervous and anxious about fatherhood. He never really worried about it before, he didn’t think about it a whole lot.

- Truthfully he’s scared to be left alone with the baby. He’s confident in his abilities to do day-to-day life tasks now, but due to the slight paralysis in part of his left arm he’s nervous.

- Regardless if he had the accident or not, he’d still be scared.

- Asks you sooo many questions, asks his friends, families, mom, he’s such a caring and good dad really, you’d assure him he has nothing to worry about.

- Deffo stands over your daughter’s crib to make sure she’s breathing. Like he’s checking on her every five minutes.

- Kinda scared of how tiny she is, like he’s scared to pick her up, faces so many irrational fears, but when she starts crying he kinda has no choice.

- He’s sooo reassuring, speaking to her and stroking his hand over her blonde hair.

- Scoops her up SO GENTLY- sosifiwidikwksosksos too cute omfg I can’t.

- but he’s extra fucking careful like with everything, he cradles her head and rocks her carefully.

- figures its not as scary as he thought. So when you’re back from the shop and see this you’re overwhelmed with happiness.

- “hey, this isn’t as scary as I thought!!”

- he’s a mf angel fr (even if he does almost throw up trying to change her dirty diaper).

Babe Heffron:

- On the topic of dirty diapers. You’ve gone out for the evening with a few of your girlfriends, extremely hesitant, but Babe is confident and assures you that you need to take a night off and he can handle your 3 month old daughter.

- He truly means it, he wants you to have a break- but it feels like the second you step foot outta the door all hell breaks loose.

- Your baby girl’s diaper practically explodes and Babe is positive he can handle it but the second he has to deal with it he’s GAGGING NOOO-

- Probably wraps a shirt around his face and he’s retching the whole time. Panics and gets the diaper on backwards- Bill is the only person that picks up the phone.

- He’s rocking and burping, feeding and soothing your baby but she won’t stop crying as Babe frantically questions Bill.

- “ya should know, you’ve got a whole army of em.”

- Turns out she just wants rocking and a little cuddle and as soon as she settles down Babe feels super proud. Like he smiles to himself so much, kisses her head and keeps her sleeping on his chest.

- Probably doesn’t move for a good 2 hours. If the baby is asleep he doesn’t want to wake her and cause WW3 so he just stays in that position lolllll.

Shifty Powers:

- He has such a calming presence that your daughter just soothes in his arm immediately. She’s got her dad wrapped around her finger and Shifty will find himself running all around the house

- Deffo cool asf with being left alone with your baby for the first time. He’s a little worried because you two are such a good team.

- I can imagine him sitting on the porch with your baby, holding her close as he points out the different wildlife he see’s running past.

- Probably the type of dad that wants to play with the baby fresh outta the womb, and you kinda have to say; “Shifty, give her two months to develop first.” Lmao

- “Look who’s back? That’s ya mommy, hm? Let’s go see her.” Ugh he’s so sweet and takes care of her so well, like I said he’s so mf calm, cool and collected. Literally like a baby whisperer.

Dick Winters:

- Similar to Shifty, he’s so mf calm and collected when he’s left alone- except before you leave he’s asking you plenty of questions.

- you kinda have to reassure like ‘Dick, I promise you’ll be fine, he’s not gonna run off anyway and you’re not going to drop him.’

- You’re right, and similar to Chuck he’s checking up on your baby every few minutes, smiling every time your son moves or makes the slightest noise.

- Sooo gentle and so good at keeping to a routine, literally so methodical, checks if he’s hungry, tired, cold, warm, just needs a cuddle?

- He’s even a little smug when you got back. Luckily for you both your baby is already calm, but I can imagine Dick carrying him and just watching down to his peaceful little face feeling so accomplished at life.

George Luz:

- Same as Shifty but worse, he but wants to play with your kid but he’s literally like 4 weeks old lmao.

- “Don’t worry, babe, I got it all covered, we’re gonna have the best time. Aren’t we?” He reassures before you leave as he speaks to his son (who obviously doesn’t reply).

- Thinks he’s got it all under control but he’s deffo exhausted by the end of it. At first the baby is asleep n he’s speaking to him before he turns over; “you don’t talk much, do you?”

- makes the worse mistake EVER and wakes up a sleeping baby; “c’mon little guy, let’s listen to the baseball.”

- Crying, crying and more crying. George does everything, he literally apologises to your baby for getting him up.

- “Tough life, little guy.” He teases but it doesn’t exactly work.

- George probably gets a little upset when you walk back in and the baby is still wailing. He feels the need to apologise and explain.

- “George it’s fine, he’s a baby he’s gonna cry.”

- Fr tho he’s such a good dad, so present and active in his child’s life.

Joe Liebgott:

- “Hey, I’m actually really fuckin’ good at this.” Accidentally curses in front of your newborn and slaps his hand over his mouth.

- Thinks he’s the pro at changing diapers and fixing bottles, he wants to do it as much as he can seeing as he has to go work through the week in the day.

- “You want me to read this or some real stories, huh?” Would read a comic book to your son, and it actually works when he goes to sleep.

- Tries to sleep when the baby does, he’s eager to show you that the two of you should start trying for more little Liebgott’s asap!!

- You’re out for the whole night, staying over at a relatives and Joe practically SPRINGS out of bed every time the baby cries.

- Maybe he’s a light sleeper from the war, but it’s just an automatic reaction, hurries over in a slight panic to make sure everything is ok.

- admits later he feels like a zombie by the morning, it creates an even stronger gratitude for you as a mother and he’s honestly so happy your back.

- Never complains about being tired again. He loves spending time with his son as much as possible, even if it is hard work at first, he’s soo fucking good at it that he does convince you to have 400 more children.

#band of brothers head cannons #band of brothers x reader #band of brothers heacanons #joe liebgott x reader #band of brothers imagines #george luz x reader #shifty powers x reader #dick winters x reader #chuck grant x reader #babe heffron x reader #don malarkey x reader

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maximoffcarter · 10 hours

Text

Better Place.

Pairings: Alex Cabot x reader.

Summary: Alexandra Cabot thought she'd never want to settle with anyone, she already considered herself married to her job and that was enough for her. But what happened when, unexpectedly, someone walks into her life with a little bundle of joy?

A/n: This was requested by an anon, Alex playing the role of mom with reader's kid. I suddenly got an idea and wrote it write away, I think this turned out pretty cute hehe. Don't be afraid to send me an ask or message if you got any requests, I'm up for anything for now. Enjoy and leave your comments, reblog, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

*not my gif*

Working for SVU was probably the hardest thing that Alexandra Cabot has done in her life; the fact that she saw unimaginable cases every single day, things she never thought she’d see or thought they were not real. But she was proud to be part of a team that wanted nothing more than get justice for the victims, and she too wanted nothing more than that, even if most of the time, the cases didn’t end as they expected or wanted. Growing up in a family full of successful people had made Alex want to leave her own mark, which meant that she’d be married to her job and whatever outside her job didn’t really matter. Also, something that she had always kept in mind since starting in SVU, was the thought of zero kids, not even having a partner. Of course, she had her dates, she had her one night stands no too often but every now and then, but mainly, she didn’t want to get involved in anything serious. Also because she knew that if she ever did, she’d putting her partner at risk, and the thought of it scared her, because she has seen it before, and she didn’t want that in her life.

But, they do say that sometimes life doesn’t go the way people want it to, and Alex knew about it, but she didn’t believe it would ever get to her. On a random night at the bar, Alex had gone for a drink after a tough case, wanting to be alone and drink her problems away, and that’s where her eyes landed on a beautiful girl that was at a table with a couple of other girls. She couldn’t help but stare at her the whole time she was there, every now and then looking away, she didn’t want to scare the girl. Her first thought was going to introduce herself, buy her a drink, and then maybe, just maybe, get her back to her place. But Alex took her time thinking about it, feeling a little disappointed in herself as she thought about what she wanted to do, debating in her mind if she should do it or not. But before she could take a decision, she felt someone standing beside her, turning her head slightly to find the girl that she had been staring at the whole night, ordering a drink.

Alex then decided she simply wanted to get to know her, see where this went, so she offered to pay for the drink. The girl looked back at her and offered a smile and a thank you, asking if she could sit with Alex and introducing herself. Y/n’s friends were completely forgotten as she engaged in a conversation with Alex for about an hour or so, funny stories were shared, laughs and smiles, Alex felt a little more alive as she talked to her. After some more drinks, both women decided it was time to go and decided to leave the bar together, as they made a stop in a corner, Alex stared at her for longer that she had expected, smiling softly as y/n caught her staring, giggling softly.

“Would it be too forward if I asked if you want to go to my place?” Alex bit her lip, a bit anxious as she waited for an answer.

Y/n sighed softly. “Not at all.” She smiled. “But I don’t think you want to get involved with me, Alex.”

Alex frowned. “Why not?”

“I don’t think I’m what you’re looking for.” Y/n smiled as she looked down at her hands.

Alex walked closer to y/n and placed her hand on y/n’s chin, making her look up at her. “I’ll be the judge to that. But if you don’t want to, you can always say no.” She smiled softly. “And we can go for a coffee first.”

Y/n’s breath hitched as she looked into Alex’s eyes. “How about both?”

Alex grinned softly as she nodded. “Sounds like a plan.” She looked down at y/n’s lips and leaned down to kiss her softly, stopping herself from deepening the kiss. She definitely knew this wouldn’t be like other times, this was way more.

After getting to Alex’s apartment, neither of them could stop themselves anymore and as soon as the door closed, thy engaged in a deep and hungry kiss. Clothes disappeared slowly as they made their way to Alex’s room, and the night went away as they explored each other’s bodies. Alex knew then that she was screwed because this was definitely not like other nights, y/n was not like anyone she has ever known, and her mind then made her realize that she just needed a few hours to realize that she indeed wanted that coffee, and more after that. It was around five am when she felt the bed moving, and suddenly the warmth that was pressed against her body was no longer there and she felt cold. She opened her eyes and found y/n looking for her clothes around the room.

“Leaving already?” Alex said softly, her voice a bit raspy.

Y/n turned to look at Alex and smiled shyly. “I’m sorry, I need to go. I need to be home before seven.”

“I can let you borrow some clothes, so you don’t have to put back on the dress.” Alex smiled as she got up, grabbing the sheet that had been covering her body and wrapping it around her body, walking to her closet. She grabbed some sweatpants and a hoodie, handing it to y/n. “Want to see if any of my shoes fit?”

Y/n shook her head as she looked at Alex, smiling softly. “I don’t live too far away from here, so the boots I wore will be fine. Thanks.” She stared at Alex for a moment and then cleared her throat. “Can I uh…use your bathroom?”

Alex nodded. “Sure.” She smiled softly as she saw y/n walking to the bathroom and closing the door behind her.

Alex then proceeded to find a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, decided she didn’t want to go to sleep anymore, and she was going to go for a run, changing rapidly before y/n could walk out of the bathroom. Once she was done, she made her bed and picked up the rest of her clothes, putting them in the dirty basket. She heard the door opening and she smiled as she looked at y/n, crossing her arms as she walked to her.

“So…about that coffee.” Alex grinned.

Y/n sighed softly as she placed her clothes on te bed, turning to look at Alex. “You really don’t wanna get involved with me, Alex. I told you last night. I want to. But…I’d rather safe myself from the pain later.”

Alex frowned. “I…” she sighed. “I don’t want this to just be a one night stand. So whatever you don’t want me to get involved with, I’ll take it. Unless, you know…you murdered someone, or you’re a drug dealer, or-“

Y/n laughed softly as she slapped Alex’s arm softly. “It’s not that.”

Alex chuckled. “Then? What could be worst than that?” She raised her brow.

Y/n sighed. “It’s not worst for me. But…I know it’s a handful for other people.” She offered a small smile.

Alex nodded. “You’re married?”

“Alex!” Y/n rolled her eyes playfully. She then shook her head. “I have a daughter.”

“Oh.” Alex raised her brows. “Sorry I thought the worst, but not that.” She chuckled.

Y/n shrugged. “For some people it is.” She smiled, looking down at the floor as she tried to avoid Alex’s stare. “No, I wasn’t married. I…didn’t plan her. It was a long time ago but…I was in a relationship that I didn’t want to be into, I was…raped. And then I was pregnant, but I chose to keep her.” She looked back at Alex and sighed. “I’m a mess. I’m a single mother who works at the hospital as a nurse. Not exactly someone you want to get involved with.” She smiled. “And I get it, I won’t blame you.”

It was then when Alex realized that after all, getting involved in something serious couldn’t be a bad thing, not if it meant she would be able to see y/n again and be with her. The thought of a kid scared her, but it wasn’t like she was going to get married to her already. But she wanted to see where this could go. She was actually willing to go out of her comfort zone and see where this could take them.

Alex smiled as she walked closer to y/n, placing her hand on y/n’s cheek and stroking it softly. “Why don’t we go for that coffee and then we see how it goes from there?”

Y/n’s heart warmed, smiling softly. “Really?”

Alex leaned down to kiss her lips softly. “Really.” She said against her lips as she smiled. “I give you my number and you let me know when you’re free?”

Y/n nodded softly. “That sounds like a plan.” She smiled as she kissed Alex’s lips again.

********************

Alex and y/n had decided that they’d go on a few dates to see where things could go, but after the second date, Alex already knew that she didn’t want y/n to leave her life ever. She had thought about it every day that she didn’t see y/n, how things could definitely change in her life, how it could also change for y/n, and she had surprised herself by actually picturing herself with a kid. After 4 months of dating, they finally decided that it was time for y/n’s daughter to get to know Alex. She knew that once she met y/n’s daughter, she’d be getting involved for good and even if y/n told her there was always a way out, Alex didn’t want it, she actually was excited to meet the little girl and to see where this relationship could go. Y/n had simply said that they could meet for a coffee, but Alex wanted the day to be fun for the little girl, so she offered to take them to the zoo. Alex had been standing in the entrance for around 15 minutes, her eyes trying to search for y/n and her hands fidgeting with her coat. Her eyes finally landed on y/n, a smile appearing in her face as she looked at her and then her eyes landed on the little girl that was holding her hand. The girl looked exactly like y/n, but her hair was long and red, hazel eyes, but she was definitely a mini y/n.

“Hi.” Y/n smiled softly as she stood in front of Alex, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

“Hey.” Alex smiled and then looked down, kneeling in front of the kid. “Hi. I’m Alex.”

The girl looked at y/n before her eyes went back to Alex, smiling softly. “Hi Alex. I’m Amelia, and I’m six.”

“Amelia. That’s a beautiful name.” Alex smiled.

“We are both A.” Amelia chuckled. “You’re really pretty, just like my mommy said.”

Alex’s smile widened as she looked up at y/n and then back at Amelia. “We are indeed both A’s, and you’re as beautiful as your mommy told me.”

“Thanks, Alex.” Amelia smiled.

“So, are you ready to have some fun?” Alex raised her brows.

Amelia nodded happily. “I love the zoo. Mommy brings me whenever is my birthday, so I’m excited to be here even if it’s not my birthday.”

Alex smiled. “Well, we’ll make sure you also come on your birthday. For now, let’s enjoy today.”

After an hour or so, they had made it almost through the whole zoo, at some point, Amelia had let go of y/n’s hand and grabbed Alex’s hand, Amelia taking her to see every animal as she talked about it and asked Alex questions. Y/n just followed them around and smiled softly as she saw them getting to know each other. Alex had been nervous before they had arrived but now that Amelia was literally sticking by her side, she couldn’t help but feel relaxed and happy. It wasn’t that she hated or didn’t like kids, she has worked with many kids before, she tried to be as nice and kind as possible, she thought they were cute and sweet, but she had never seen herself with one. Now, here she was, running around Bronx Zoo with a kid holding her hand. Before they left, Amelia asked y/n if they could stop at the shop, y/n making it very clear that she wouldn’t be buying anything for her and she was only looking. Amelia then went ahead to look at the toys, leaving Alex and y/n alone for a moment, both watching over her.

“Alex, I cannot thank you enough for today.” Y/n smiled softly. “I had never seen Amelia so happy and…trusting someone so quick.”

Alex’s whole body warmed at her words, smiling softly. “You don’t need to thank me, I’m just happy that she had fun. And that she seems to like me.”

Y/n placed her hand on Alex’s cheek and smiled. “She does like you. She completely forgot her mom was here.” She chuckled softly as she leaned in and kissed her lips. “You two are so cute.”

Alex smiled against her lips. “You’re cute too. She looks a lot like you.”

Y/n shrugged. “She got the hair from my mom.” She smiled.

“Mommy! Mommy!” Amelia ran to her and pouted. “Can you please buy me this? Pretty pleeeease.”

“Amy, we said we would only look.” Y/n looked down at her daughter.

“But mommy, I wanna take it home. She needs a home.” Amelia pouted again.

“Baby, you got enough plushies.”

“But not a red panda! She’s cute!”

Alex looked at y/n and then at Amelia. “I’ll buy it.”

Y/n turned to look at Alex. “Alex, you don-“

“Really?!” Amelia smiled widely as she looked at Alex.

“Consider it my gift.” Alex smiled as she looked at y/n. “Can I?” She tilted her head as she looked at y/n.

Y/n sighed as she looked at Alex’s face, she could almost see her pouting just like her daughter, rolling her eyes. “Okay, Alex can buy it for you. Go with Alex.”

“Thanks mommy! C’mon Alex!” Amelia grabbed her hand and pulled Alex with her.

Y/n shook her head softly as she smiled. “I got myself another kid.” She chuckled softly as she followed them.

********************

Y/n sighed heavily. “Mom…it’s okay. I’ll just uh…I’ll figure something out. Don’t worry about it. Just be safe, okay?” She hung up the phone and leaned her head against the wall, groaning.

“Sarah told me you’d be here.”

Y/n looked at the door and smiled as she saw Alex standing there, that cute smile on her face. “Hi. What are you doing here?” She smiled as she walked to Alex, kissing her lips softly.

“Well, since you said you didn’t have time to go out for lunch, I thought I’d bring you some. I’m on my way to the office.” Alex smiled as she handed her the bag of food.

“Oh, I love you. Thank you. I’m starving.” Y/n chuckled softly as she smiled, looking at Alex. “You didn’t have to do that though.”

“I wanted to.” Alex smiled as she kissed her forehead. “And I love you too.” She stroked y/n’s cheek. “Everything okay? You look a little worried there.”

Y/n sighed softly. “My mom has an appointment today and she was supposed to take care of Amelia. My shift doesn’t end until 10 pm and I’ll need to call a babysitter.” She shrugged. “I just don’t trust anyone with Amelia.”

Alex nodded. “Why don’t I pick her up?”

Y/n stared at Alex for a moment. “I- are you sure?”

Alex shrugged. “Why not? I mean, she knows me, you know me.” She chuckled softly. “I can go to your place so she’s more comfortable.”

“Well, I just…” Y/n chuckled softly. “I know you know her. I mean she’s…obsessed with you.” She laughed softly. “I just didn’t know if you’d be okay to be alone with her.”

Alex smiled. “I like being with her. And I don’t know I mean…maybe it’ll be good for us to spend some time together.”

“So you two team up and go against me? Because that’s definitely what happened the first time you met, and all the other times we’ve gone out.” Y/n raised her brow.

Alex chuckled softly. “Maybe.” She smiled. “It’ll be okay. I offered.”

Y/n sighed, smiling softly. “Okay, I’ll give you my keys. I’ll call and tell them that you’ll be picking her up. Pick up is at 2:30 pm.” She went to her locker and got her keys and some money, walking back to Alex. “Here’s some money so you buy something to eat for dinner. I’ll try to be home as soon as possible.”

Alex grinned as she only grabbed the keys, kissing her forehead softly. “Dinner is on me.”

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully. “Okay. Call me if you need anything.” She leaned in and kissed her lips softly. “Thank you.”

Alex nodded. “No worries.” She smiled before she walked out of the room.

It had almost been a year since they had started dating, all these months, Alex couldn’t be any happier, after thinking too much about it, their relationship was actually working perfectly. Amelia had adjusted so well to Alex, loving every second that she got to spend time with her. Alex had already met y/n’s mom and just a few weeks ago, Alex had planned a trip to her parents house in the Hamptons, both of them falling in love with both y/n and Amelia. She was afraid about the waited talk with her parents, which eventually, after y/n went up to the room to put Amelia to sleep, came as Alex was left alone with her parents. Alex never thought that she’d want to settle with anyone, but after almost a whole year of them dating, she wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with both y/n and Amelia. Even if the thought of being a parent to Amelia scared her to death, she couldn’t help but think about watching Amelia grow up.

Alex stood in line waiting to pick up Amelia, looking at all the moms who picked up their kids and smiling softly. The squad had already teased her about it one time that Alex mentioned something about Amelia and the whole squad had stared at her as she talked about a little girl and that’s when she explained that her girlfriend had a kid. They teased her endlessly that she was now a mother and she’d soon be attending school dances, birthday parties and more. Even if they were only teasing her, Alex couldn’t help but smile at the thought, feeling warm inside. This was so new, definitely not something she had expected, but she was happy.

“Alex! You really here!” Amelia ran to Alex and Alex picked her up, Amelia wrapping her arms around Alex’s neck happily.

“Hey princess.” Alex chuckled softly, looking at the teacher. “Thank you.”

“Amelia was so excited to know you were coming for her. You have her wrapped around your finger.” The teacher smiled.

Alex smiled. “It’s the other way around, actually.” She then looked at Amelia. “Wanna go for an ice cream?”

“Yes!” Amelia was then put down on the floor and grabbed Alex’s hand.

After the ice cream, they both headed to y/n’s apartment. Alex almost broke her head as she tried to help Amelia out with her homework, noticing that she was way better at law than at simple kids homework. After that, Amelia had gone to her room to play for a bit while Alex got some work done, but not too long after, Amelia appeared back in the living room and asked Alex if she could sit with her to watch a movie while Alex worked. Alex would stare at her every now and then, smiling as Amelia was lost in the movie, one arm wrapped around her plushie and her little hand on Alex’s leg. She didn’t know when it happened, but all of a sudden she was laughing at the movie with Amelia, papers aside and Amelia leaning over her while Alex’s arm was wrapped around the kid, both enjoying the movie. Alex then decided to keep spoiling the little girl and ordered some pizza for dinner, both sitting back in the living room and eating the pizza while they watched the movie.

Alex looked down at Amelia and caught her yawning and rubbing her eyes, giggling a bit. “Tired, princess?”

Amelia nodded. “But I don’t wanna go to sleep. I wanna stay here with you.” She looked up at Alex.

Alex smiled. “How about this…you go and prepare for bed while I clean up a bit, and when you’re ready, you come to me, and I take you to bed to read you a book?”

Amelia smiled. “And you gonna lay down with me?”

Alex nodded. “Yep.”

“Okay, sounds like a deal.” Amelia chuckled as she ran to her room to get her pajamas.

Alex chuckled softly as she got up from the couch and paused the movie, grabbing the box of pizza and plates, and heading to the kitchen. Not too long after, Amelia tapped on her back, making Alex turn to look at her. “Ready?”

Amelia nodded. “Teeth brushed, and pajamas on.” She smiled as she extended her arms.

Alex picked her up and smiled, walking to Amelia’s room, and throwing her in the bed, earning a laugh from Amelia as she positioned herself under the blankets and hugged her plushie. “So, what book does the princess want?”

“Uh…Green Eggs and Ham!”

Alex went to her small bookshelf and picked up the book, walking back to the bed and sitting down beside Amelia. “Okay, read it with me?” She looked down at Amelia who nodded, and then brought back her attention to the book.

They both started reading and Amelia laughed when Alex tried to make funny voices, throwing her head back and then leaning back on Alex. In the fourth or fifth page, she noticed that Amelia had gone silent, looking down and seeing that Amelia had closed her eyes and was slowly breathing now. She smiled softly and carefully placed the book on the nightstand, standing up slowly and then moving Amelia to lay down properly, putting the blanket over Amelia’s shoulder and kissing her head softly.

“Night mama.” Amelia whispered softly as she hugged her plushie tighter, smiling as she fell back asleep.

Alex’s heart stopped at the words, standing still as she stared at Amelia. She then reacted and turned off the light of the nightstand, walking out of the room and leaving the door ajar in case Amelia called her. She stood there for a moment again, not sure if she had heard right or if she had imagined it. She walked back to the couch and sat down, trying to grab her paperwork again but she only stared at it, her mind too distracted to focus on it. Amelia had called her mama. She called Alex mama. She really did that. And she just simply said it. She didn’t even noticed, she was too sleepy. Did she even think about it? Will she remember in the morning? Had she been thinking about calling Alex mama? Did y/n even knew about it? She was so entranced in her thoughts that she didn’t hear the door opening and y/n walking in. Y/n said hi to Alex, putting her things away but when she didn’t get any answer, she looked back at Alex as she frowned. She walked around the couch and sat down beside Alex, who was staring at the paperwork in her lap.

“Baby?” Y/n raised her brow as she placed her hand on Alex’s hand.

Alex shook her head and turned to look at y/n. “Hi! Hi, I- I’m sorry. I was uh…I guess lost.”

Y/n chuckled. “You don’t say.” She kissed Alex’s cheek and then stood up. “Is she asleep?”

Alex looked down at her watch and noticed that an hour had already passed since she sat down on the couch. “Yes! She’s been asleep for a while.” She looked up at y/n. “There’s pizza left, do you want me to warm it up for you?”

Y/n chuckled. “No, I got it. I see you spoiled my daughter.” She grinned as she looked at Alex.

Alex smiled. “It was our day, how could I not?”

“What else did you do?” Y/n asked as she grabbed the pizza and put it on a plate to warm it up.

“Uh.” Alex put aside her paperwork and then stood up to go to the kitchen with y/n, leaning over the kitchen island. “Well, we went for ice cream.” She smiled. “We came home, she played a bit in her room and then we watched some movies before we ordered dinner, and I noticed she was sleepy, so I took her to bed and read a book until she fell asleep.”

Y/n smiled as she leaned over the counter and kissed Alex’s lips. “Thank you for taking care of her. I’m sure she was the happiest.”

Alex smiled. “So was I.” She watched as y/n went back for her food and bit her lip for a moment. “There’s uh…” she looked down at her hands. “There’s something else.”

Y/n looked back at Alex and raised her brows. “What?”

Alex looked back at y/n, smiling softly. “She…she called me mama.”

Y/n’s heart stopped as she stared at Alex. “Alex…I-“ she cleared her throat. “I told her we would talk about it and-“

“She asked you if she could call me that?”

Y/n only stared at Alex as if she had been caught. “I mean…yes. She…she talked to my mom and my mom told me and I…I sat down with her, but I told her we needed to talk about it. I didn’t expect her to say it. I thought she had understood that I would talk to you about it. Alex, I am so sorry. I know we’ve only been dating for almost a year but-“

“I don’t mind.” Alex snapped, interrupting y/n’s rambling.

Y/n stopped talking and only stared at Alex again. “You…you what?”

Alex smiled softly. “I don’t mind.” She huffed a chuckle. “I really don’t mind.” She felt her eyes getting teary as she walked to y/n. “I…I really thought I never wanted kids. The job I have…working with kids that are victims…I’ve seen so much that I thought I’d never want that life or would want to settle with anyone. But you and Amelia really changed that for me.” She grabbed her hands and smiled. “I want you to tell Amelia that it’s okay.”

“You mean it?” Y/n smiled as she felt her own eyes getting teary.

Alex nodded. “I mean, if it’s okay with you, I don’t mind. But y/n…I want this. I want to do this with you. I want you and Amelia in my life, I cannot imagine my life without my two girls.” She chuckled softly.

“Oh, Alex.” Y/n’s smile widened as she wrapped her arms around Alex’s neck, kissing her lips softly. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t want this.”

“How could I not? You two are my girls.” Alex smiled as she pecked her lips. “We should move in together. Look for a place, or move to mine, we can make my guest room into her room.”

Y/n nodded. “We should talk about it.” She smiled. “I love you so much.”

“I love you more.” Alex smiled as she leaned down and kissed her lips softly.

#alex cabot x reader #alex cabot #alexandra cabot #svu fic #law and order svu #svu #alex cabot fic

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thecapricunt1616 · 3 days

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The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 17

♡ Chapter Inspo: Too Sweet - Hozier ; "You know, you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain, pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape."

♡ Summary: Winnie & Carmy attend one of their first full family functions as a couple, & Carm is anxious as shit that Donna will pop up.

♡ W/C: 10,217

♡ Posted Date: 04/16/2024

♡ A/N: WOW It has been a second since TB&HH got some love but we are so back!! I am actually really excited about this chapter! It is very long as you see, and It took a few times of scrapping & rewriting, and then I finally just said fuck it and did what I wanted to do LOL. I have been writing so much SydCarmy i've been achingg for some loveydovey Winnie & Carmy so here I am! As per usual requests are open for SydCarmy, CarmyxReader - anything really!

♡ Warnings for BTC: SmutSmutSmut (breeding kinks mentioned, car sex) - Swearing, Fluffy mush, Smoking cigarettes, talks of alcoholism, drinking

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

Carmen and I had made it official 3 months ago now, and we were just as happytogether and obsessed with each other as the day we’d met. Today was the day that Natalie’s younger daughter, Briana or Bee as the family lovingly calls her would be getting Christened since she was officially a year old last week.

When I returned last month from nannying in The Hamptons, Carmen had taken an entire week off permitted by Sydney being back in perfect health - and we fucked and ate and did whatever we wanted for the entire week before I had to get back to work. It was fair to say we had missed each other terribly and he’d told me I ‘wasn’t allowed to abandon him like that ever again’ even if it meant he had to pay all of my bills.

I huffed frustratedly, my fingers beginning to cramp up from trying so many times to clasp on my simplistic gold St. Christopher medallion with my long french tips that Carmen had been insisting on paying for every 2 weeks.

“Bear! I need help!” I called out to him where he was in the bathroom ‘borrowing’ my gel to relax his frizzy curls that he had no time to blowdry this morning.

“what‘sup honey?” He asked as soon as I called, coming out to the bedroom where I was stood in front of my full-length mirror struggling to clasp my jewlery.

This is how he’d been for the past 2 months or so, I call, and he answers nearly faster then I can finish my request.

It didn’t matter what he was doing, not if we were in the kitchen (he did get a bit huffy if it was extra busy, but never mean, never ever mean.) But if we were at home? It was almost scary how fast he came to my call. I had even filmed a TikTok- jokingly saying-

“My man will blindly do whatever I ask of him- watch- it’s weird as fuck- but it’s super cute. He will literally toss out whatever he’s doing and do what I say. I think he’s over in the living room drawing right now- but watch…he’s gonna shove all his colored pencils n’ shit right in his case and barrel over here like a puppy. Watch this. -” I stepped into the hallway and flipped the camera “ oh - and he’s gonna say ‘I’m sorry’ cause he wasn’t here the second I asked him.” I whispered before calling- “ LLLLOVER?! What’re y’doin’s? Mon Ours?!” (My Bear?) down the hallway. ‘Huuuh???’ he called back ‘WHAT’RE Y’DOING LOVE?’ I called louder. I heard wooden pencils tinkling together and muttered curses for a few moments before he appeared at the end of the hall, coming up to me “Wha?” he asked, “M’sorry honey- I couldn’t hear over the TV-“ “What are you doing?” I asked “Uhhh…drawing? Why?” He asked “need something?” “No” I shrugged, leaning against the doorframe. “Can you put it away?” I asked. “Oh- sure gimme’ sec” he walked off to the living room for a few moments and I flipped the camera back to me, “See he just does what I ask him to do what is this?! He just listens he’s the best listener-“ I whispered being interrupted by him asking “Hey Honey? D’you mean like away away?” He called “No just put up. come here” I called and he comes back to me, kissing my head “Are Y’Hungry? D’ya need y’r water filled? What day is it again? I didn’t forget plans did I?” he checked his phone and I rolled my eyes playfully “I just wanted kisses” I puckered my lips He gratefully partook, kissing my lips before pecking all over my face. “Did you get your period and are just needy for love and kisses or Is this a test?” I hit end on the recording, embarrassed by his stupidly good intuition.

It had gotten nearly 4 million views, and he was baffled as to why - when I explained the likely reason to him, he could barely understand that a lot of boyfriends didn’t give a shit about their girlfriends needs- at least to the level he does, so the way girls were thirsting after him in my comment section was new to him, and slightly overwhelming for me because it had been weeks and likes and comments were still pouring in, and there were lots of people that knew who he was. I had gotten at least 100 comments reading ‘is that like- THE Carmen Berzatto? Just…chilling in your house?!’

It was also kind of annoying because people kept asking to see him now since they either thought he was hot or they wanted him to talk about cooking, but I’d never ask him to. He isn’t my show pony, I know he’s hot and talented and smart and amazing and my absolute everything - and I’d love nothing more than to share all of that with the people who we’re asking, but I knew for a fact he didn’t like being on camera and wouldn’t be comfortable knowing 300 thousand people were gonna be seeing it- and possibly many, many more.

He thought it was sweet and funny that after when I told him I pranked him or more specifically, giggly telling him ‘you got-got bear, I got you so good’ that me ‘pranking’ him was asking him to put away his colored pencils and kiss me for the sake of it - when in culinary school his ‘friends’ idea of a prank was to dull out all of his knives so he’d have to spend nearly the whole day resharpening them and failing an assignment because of it.

“Oh, that? Here honey gimme” he takes the ends of the dainty chain from my fingers, standing behind me and clasping it easily before adjusting the charm gently to the middle before and kissing the top of my head. “Y’nails’re too long f’that Angel” he muttered, looking at the necklace in the mirror and rubbing over my lower stomach lovingly.

He did that move a lot ever since he started getting more comfortable when we made things official. Especially when he knew I was ovulating during sex. It drove me absolutely insane - he loved to do it while saying something along the lines of;

‘Y’want me t’fuck y’full pretty girl? Yeah? You wanna show everyone y’mine honey? Who you belong to princess? Are y’gonna have my babies? Mmm? Say it— Y’love it when I fuck y’like this, like a fuckin’ cat in heat. Ye’- is that it? Are you a filthy little fuckin animal? My pretty little pet?’

While he fucked me absolutely brainless. Before I went to my nanny gig, one day he peered over my shoulder while I was reading one of my fantasy books and saw the words mating press - he was immediately interested and very shyly asked what it was, before asking me to help show him what he needed to do to help me achieve that very position.

Surprisingly- after I had explained what the position was for in the books- it was the first time he didn’t quite literally leave or get overly anxious about the thought of us having children - even if it was just purely dirty talk. He just once again made sure that I was on birth control, and from there it became one of our very favorite positions.

I’d never fucked a man before that made me promise to have his babies someday before cumming in me as deep as he could and rubbing over my extremely vacant womb due to being so pussy-drunk. All while whispering how pretty I’d be swollen with his seed- worshiping me like I’d already been carrying the child- muttering about how hot it would be if I were to be all big-bellied carrying his baby. Maybe it was his kink? Surely it was just a kink and it was the moment talking not his actual desires.

It must be- because he’d been so adamant just a few months ago that he was ‘absolutely sure’ he didn’t want children so badly we nearly got into an argument over it when I asked him to just think about it outside of the realm of me. So he likely was simply turned on by the thought of a ‘nuclear domestic life’ just like any other person is.

“Thank you, you look so nice, Bear. I can’t wait until it’s over though cause I wanna touch your hair. Can’t though cause it has all the stuff in it” I said, turning around and gently pushing back the stray sticky curl that had fallen out of place and was laying on his forehead adorably.

“Mm Church isn’t my favorite pastime cause I have to have all the bullshit on. but you look…” he takes me in slowly, his hand sliding down over the curve of my waist. “Fuckin perfect. Can’t believe y’mine baby” he leans in for a kiss “wait- this stuff, can I kiss you?” He alludes to my lipstick which was likely about the same shade of red as my cheeks now due to his compliments.

“Find out” I said and pulled him by his jacket, kissing him deeply. He hummed, squeezing my bum and pulling my hips into his, squeezing them gently.

He was always extra careful to ask when I had makeup on and was getting ready to go out, that he could kiss me without messing anything up. He would sit and watch me do my makeup when going out for girls nights, so was very understanding and appreciative of the effort and time that went into it. He would help me pick out eyeshadow colors sometimes, but his favorite part was when I did lipstick. He tells me it ‘changes everything’ which makes me giggle, because that’s exactly what my grandma says.

I pull away after a few moments, “how’s the makeup?” I tease, checking in the mirror. “Lady Gaga knows what she’s doing babe” I gently dab below my lip with my beauty blender where he had gotten some of my foundation by mistake in the heated lip to lip transaction.

“The same one that did the poker face song?” He asked and I laugh a bit

“If that’s all you know her by then we still have a lot to learn about pop culture. But yes, the Gaga baby” I fixed up my lipliner a bit and he watched me in the mirror as I meticulously did so.

“Mm I remember that and the weird meat dress. Fuck you look amazing baby here lemme see” he turns me around when I put the pencil down, gently brushing my fringe from my eyes. “You are so beautiful baby, fuckin’ breathtaking” he kissed my forehead gently.

I smiled, holding his hands in mine and squeezing gently “you look very handsome baby, so handsome” I adjusted his tie and kissed his jaw gently. My alarm went off for 6:45 signaling it was time for us to leave, the sound causing me to jump a bit before I giggle shyly “Sorry. We’d better go” I grabbed my purse, making sure I had everything i’d need for the day.

“Y’still wanna get coffee honey?” He asked as he put his dress shoes on.

I nod “yeah- if I can get these stupid shoes on with this dress in time” I sat down on the bed slipping my foot in and trying to buckle the stupid tiny buckle with my nails, they were super pretty and Carm loved the scratches he got with them, but in terms of tiny things I always found myself struggling.

“Here-“ he knelt in front of me “Hold this Honey” he hands me the hem of my dress and I pulled it up for him. He carefully adjusted the straps so they were straight, before buckling it “that good? Y’want ‘em tighter?” He asks and I shook my head

“No- no. Thank you it’s perfect baby” I offer my other foot to him and he repeated the process. “You’re the best, Carmy, really. Sorry I keep needing your help when I go out” I said, kissing his cheek gently before he got up.

“Can’t blame yourself baby those things are… ridiculous. I dunno how they’re comfortable” he outstretched his hand to help me up.

I took it and kiss his lips lovingly once he pulled me up. “They aren’t. They just look pretty” I grab my purse once more, spraying on my perfume. “Now we’re ready” I said with a smile.

We got to the church with 5 minutes to spare before the service started, so we were able to find the back row where Richie, Eva, some random blonde that I’d assumed must be Eva’s mom, Syd, Fak, Natalie, and Pete, both of them with a kid in their lap were sitting.

Sugar spotted us first “Oh! Yay! You made it sweetheart how are you? You look so beautiful” she smiled

“Oh my gosh no way you all look so cute I love her little dress ohhh my gosh Carmy look at her!” I said happily

“Yeah - Hey, Uh- Moms not-“ Carmy asked her quietly.

“Bear - “ she almost laughed “She isn’t around until she can prove to me she's sober again” she said before turning to Fak who was sat next to her. “Honey, move down please! Look at all that row sweetheart” she nudged him with her elbow.

“Hi Winnie the Pooh” Fak said, sliding down enough for Carm and I to squeeze in next to sugar.

“Hey Neil! Hope you’re well it’s nice to see you.” I sit down next to Carmy, crossing my legs.

“So is she your girlfriend yet?” He asked Carmy, nudging his shoulder gently.

Carmy sighed deeply. “Yes, yes Fak. She’s my girlfriend. And we’re at church buddy. So it’s quiet time yeah?” He asked and I couldn’t help but stifle a giggle how he took after Sugars tone with him.

“Thanks Winnie nice to see You too- Your dress is pretty” he told me and I smiled

“Aww! Thanks bestie. Love the suit you look snappy” I said and held Carmys hand, kissing it gently.

“It’s great t’see you guys!” Syd waves and I lean forward to see her better - But Carmy didn’t even say anything.

I look at him, seeing he was totally not here. “babe” I ask and he breaks his spaced out gaze on the large stained glass window up front and looked at me.

“Mm?” He looks over at me. I rubbed his hand gently.

“Everything okay sweets?” I asked softly and he nodded a bit.

“Talk ‘bout it later” he said and squeezed my hand gently.

“Okay…” I said and hooked our arms together before relacing our fingers.

I watched as he went back to staring at the same stained glass window, and resumed that way throughout the entire service unless we were participating in something.

It worried me a bit, it seemed like he was disassociating - as to avoid what I wasn’t sure.

When we got back to the car I crossed my legs, buckling my seatbelt quietly and holding my purse in my lap. “What’s goin on baby?” I asked.

He shrugged, shaking his head a bit and starting the car. “Nothin.” He said plainly

“Mmm.” I mutter. “Funny cause you said we’d talk about it later” I said casually, pulling down the visor mirror on my side, reapplying my lipliner.

“Talkin ‘bout it now. And I said- nothin” he said shortly, starting the van and backing out of the parking spot.

“Ahhh of course because saying “nothings wrong” would have been too easy so instead- you added 3 extra words to tell me we’d talk about it now?” I pushed, carefully lining below my bottom lip.

“D’you ever drop anything?” He asked, annoyance lacing his tone.

“Mmm- no. I don’t..” I grinned teasingly

“It’s none of y’fuckin concern that’s what it is.” He said, rolling the window down and lighting a cigarette as we pulled up to a stoplight.

“Ohhh! Meeeeowww!” I teased, fishing my phone out of my purse. “Someone’s in a sour mood.” I tut, “I never got the invite to your pity party- did you forget about me lovey?” I teased.

He rolled his eyes, gripping the steering wheel with his right hand. “You love pushing my fuckin’ buttons.” He muttered before taking a drag.

“I loooove it. You know, you’ve yet to rage fuck me yet. Which is surprising- you’re 90% rage, and I’ve only gotten the 10% of soft.” I said, running my hand up his thigh until I got to his bulge, slowly stroking it over in his slacks.

“You couldn’t fucking handle it.” He said, grabbing my wrist. “Don’t fuckin test me.” He grumbled, flicking my hand into my lap and hitting the gas as the light turned green.

“Oh- oh- is that a challenge, Bear. You think I can’t take you? That I - can’t take you?” I scoffed, dropping my phone in the cup holder. “I find that a little rude. Where have your manners gone?” I drag my nails over the inside of his thigh, smiling to myself as his breath hitches. I knew he was stuck in a loop about something negative- and since he didn’t want to talk about it- he likely needed to fuck about it. It was a system we’d created- kind of an unspoken one. But he would ruminate, and brood like a big baby - if I couldn’t coax it out of him with my words, he’d probably been so pent up with nowhere to put it so he needed to release all those hormones before he could get it off his tongue. He always did, after a long day the pillow talk we had would usually be intense feelings of self-doubt and fear of the restaurant failing- even though it was never close to failing. He’s worried about who knows what and needs to escape with something he has that will remain consistent, and something very accessible- and that something usually happens to be me.

“I’m fuckin driving” he said, but his growing arousal beneath my palm begged for me to continue.

“Mmhmmm? And?” I asked, gripping him firmly at the base of his cock that was prominently showing now.

“Y’fuckin- Jesus Christ” he hissed, holding the steering wheel with a white knuckle grasp. “Such a little fuckin-“ he gasped lightly as I grip him tighter.

“What” I goad. “What? Finish the sentence, Carmy.” I tease, running my thumb along the vein I’d already memorized, feeling his member jump in the grip of my hand at the action.

“Dirty fucking whore.” He hissed, cheeks pink at the admission.

I giggled. “Awww- it’s nice to finally hear you say it” I teased, dragging the edge of my nail along his rock hard head

“J-Just-” he swallowed thickly, eyes locked on the road, refusing to break to meet my gaze

“Juuuust” I goaded, adding pressure and he whimpered

“Y’re fuckin evil” he said through clenched teeth, swallowing thickly and shaking his head lightly. “I said I’m fuckin driving.” he repeated, hips involuntarily bucking up into my grasp.

“So?” I asked, gently dragging my thumb over his waistband “Did you want me to stop, Bear?” I asked and he inhaled sharply, slightly shaking his head.

“Ohhhh-oh! So you like when i’m a dirty fucking whore for you?” I questioned, my hand stilling over his goosebump-ridden skin.

“Do what y’gonna fuckin do” he muttered, swallowing thickly.

“Fine” I said, unbuckling my seatbelt and pulling my skirt up my waist, slipping my panties and nylons down in one go after kicking off my heels into the footwell of the passenger side.

“What’re you-“ he glanced over at me as I hiked my right leg up on the dashboard after pushing my seat back to lay down.

“I’m doing what I’m gonna do. You said it yourself Bear - I’m a dirty fucking whore” I responded, angling myself so he could see and spreading myself out for him “so wet for you” I said in a sultry tone, gathering the sticky slick on my middle and forefingers, before bringing it right in front of his lips.

“Don’t you love how dirty I am?” I teased, rubbing the sticky arousal on his bottom lip

He flicked his cigarette out the window and opened his mouth, taking my digits in and sucking them, humming in satisfaction at the taste “yeah I know you fucking love it. It’s why we’re perfect together you’re just as much a freak as I am” I said, pushing my fingers further and he widened his jaw wantingly.

I gasped a bit as he bit down on my fingers “Such an animal” I giggle squeezing his cheeks and rubbing my spit slicked fingers down his chin when he released me

“You really wanna go right now when I’m tellin you I’m not in a good mood?” He asked

“If you’re in the mood- I want you. Otherwise no thanks but I think you’d have said something before now” I pulled my dress out of the way of my core. “You aren’t gonna look? You always tell me how pretty I am baby” I gently spread my folds, rubbing my wet cold middle finger over my clit gently “mmm it’s so much better when you do it Carmy, don’t you wanna touch me?” I begged

He glanced over at me, tugging his lip between his teeth as he fans over my position, eyes trailing down to my pussy.. “You can come up with what we were doin’ since you wanna be so fuckin’ needy and can’t wait a few hours. Little sex demon” he said, slowing down and turning into a post office parking lot that was deserted due to it being a Sunday.

“I wouldn’t be so needy if you didn’t look so angry and your arms didn’t look so good in that jacket” I said, crawling in the back and sitting on the floor excitedly

“One second anger scares you the next it turns you on- I can’t fuckin figure you out” he said, shutting the van off and getting out of the drivers side, and quickly opening and shutting the back sliding door when he got in..

“Yelling scares me but I think being your little stress toy is sexy cause you appreciate it” I lay back when he took off his jacket, laying it down for me like a pillow.

“Whats the word?” he asked before kissing my neck with nipping, hot, wet kisses.

“First - gentle on the neck and leaving marks baby were gonna be with your family, and second orchid” I assured and he hiked up my skirt.

“Good Girl” he said and spread my legs open, his tattooed hand finding my soaked core immediately and dragging his middle and ring finger up the slick, rubbing over my clit with quick light circles making my toes curl .

I gasped, already feeling like every nerve in my body was on fire. He had managed in our times together to memorize every single thing that made me creen in pleasure. He wanted me soaked before he’d barely even touched me, because that gave him the satisfaction of having memorized my body and the way it reacts to every little possible stimulation.

“Your good girl” I breathed, tugging up my skirt higher so he can kiss over my stomach and hips how he usually did, during moments of intimacy he wanted to feel and taste every part of me I would let him - it felt more like worshiping if I was honest with myself, but when I thought about it I would get way too worked up.

“That’s right princess” he gently nips on my skin. “How could I ever be rough w’you? Mmm? When y’so fuckin sweet? And so fuckin good f’me?” He hums, settling my thighs around his hips.

I giggled, breaking up the gel in his hair as he kissed over my naval and hips, and gently massaging his scalp. His eyes fluttered shut in bliss, his kisses slowing before resting his forehead on my stomach and letting out a satisfied sigh at the action “Youre gonna have freshly fucked hair” I teased.

“Don’t care. Mm keep touchin’ me please. Fuck baby-“ he rested his chin on my flesh looking up at me “I missed y’touchin me. So bad. Just touch me however you want” he begged, causing me to smile, a warm loving blush heating my cheeks.

“You like when I touch you?” I gently caress his cheek and he leaned into it like a man starved.

“I love it. I need it baby- really. I miss it so bad when y’cant.” He took my hand, kissing my palm. “I need you” he said softly.

I swallowed hard, trying to relieve the growing lump in my throat and I cupped his cheeks lovingly. “I’m always here” I said softly and pulled him into a sweet messy wanting kiss

I wrapped my arms around his back, gently playing with the hair at the base of his neck, smiling into his lips when I felt the goosebumps adorning his neck. “The reason we’re back here is cause I need you” I said sultrily in the shell of his ear, kissing his jaw gently.

“I know ‘m sorry” he unbuttoned his pants and I cup his jaw bringing his attention back to me.

“That’s not how I meant it bear” I said softly, gently moving his hands out of the way and unzipping them for him. “I love touching you, you know what right?” I asked as I untucked his shirt, gently running my hands up his toned stomach, feeling him lightly shiver beneath me

“Uh- yeah…yeah- I do- I just sometimes feel like…I dunno. I ask f’r too much” he said quietly

I rubbed over his abs, gently squeezing his hips and trailing my palms over his ribs beneath the loose fabric. “When do you ever even ask baby? I offer. I know you like it so I do it” I pull him closer, kissing the exposed bit of chest from the top 2 buttons being opened.

“Is it weird when I do ask?” he questioned softly and I look up at him.

“No. It’s not, it’s sweet and it’s healthy, Carm. It’s good to be loved” I gently kiss his neck and he guided me to lay, pushing himself free of his boxers and slacks, and lining himself up before gently pushing in.

I moaned out, locking my legs around his waist and pulling myself closer to nudge him deeper inside, arching my hips and whining as I feel the tip of his cock right over that spongy spot that made me sob and shake with pleasure

“You are fuckin greedy t’day Jesus Christ” he breathed, holding my hips for me “so fuckin pretty” he said as he pulls out halfway before rutting into that spot and I gasp sharply

“Fuuuuck oh oh- you’re fucked” I whine to which he chuckled, a satisfied grin on his face.

“You said you could handle this babe” he reminded, pushing in deeper but slowly as to not hurt me, resting his hand at the base of my stomach. “Fuuuck I love when y’let me have y’like this baby I can get so fuckin’ deep feel this” he said, taking my hand and resting it at the base of my stomach, slowly thrusting in.

I felt the movement beneath my hand, my jaw slack and the most lewd pornographic noises coming from my chest “s-so- so big” I whined out dropping my head back in bliss and eyes fluttering shut

“That’s right baby my good fuckin’ girl- my fuckin girl. Y’take me so fuckin well princess like Y’re fuckin made for me ye? Like y’re made t’take my fuckin’ cock? Mm? Made f’me to fill with my cum?” He asked as he started the relentless pace.

I couldn’t even think - I just nod quickly in response “made f-uckkk yes- yesyesyesyes made for you I’m yours” I slurred, reaching down and rubbing my clit causing me to clench around him tightly

He grunted, looking down and watching my fingers spreading around his cock as I rubbed myself “yeah? Y’like bein’ mine? Mmm? Y’like that I fuckin own this pussy? So goddamn greedy - needin’ me t’fill you up twice already today and it's not even lunch” He thrusts harder causing my back to arch sharply

Tears were forming in the corners of my eyes now at the waves of pleasure that were so intense the air around us felt like it was crackling with electricity. I opened my eyes once more to find his gaze locked on my cunt, mesmerized by the thick white strings of arousal sticking to the base of his cock before snapping as he thrusted in and out.

“Mmm isn’t it so fucking pretty were so pretty together baby” I moved my fingers faster, sitting up on my other elbow and nearly collapsing again at the new pleasure it brought.

“Woah” he noticed, quickly wrapping an arm around my back and my head drops back to meet his gaze as he stopped thrusting

“Fuck me oh my god fuck me- I- can you please? My- my knees can’t touch the floor my thighs are too short when I’m up on your lap you’re right i’m so fucking greedy for you I need you please fill me up please claim me”” I said in a needy tone, my breath rapid and uneven.

“You are going to be the death of me” he groaned, holding the backs of my thighs and sitting me up on his hips with his palms on my ass, before leaning on the back wall of the van and thrusting up into me, hard and fast.

My eyes nearly rolled back before closing, my jaw slack with pleasure. I nodded quickly, tears spilling over my cheeks as he continued. Fireworks and stars float behind my eyes and I clutch the seat next to us with a white knuckle grasp to have some tether to my body.

“So fuckin pretty” he grunted, fucking up into me harder “y’want me to fill this pretty pussy up? Mmm? Y’want me to fuckin make sure y’drippin the rest of the day? My little whore” he kissed my neck roughly and I couldn’t even warn him before my hips were shaking and my core was squeezing and releasing around him in a way that told him I’d reached my peak.

My whole body felt waves of heat rushing through, everything felt so good it was starting to feel painful but I couldn’t ask for him to stop- I wouldn’t. I had never felt so good before, physically, mentally, emotionally. I couldn’t stop it even if I tried. The words fell out of me before I’d even registered the thought wasn’t just a thought, and was really coming out of my mouth.

“I fucking love you” I cried out. 3 months. Three. That was it. That was all I’d had of him, and I’d known I’d loved him for probably 2 of those months. And had bitten my tongue and avoided the issue and successfully evaded his weird roundabout questions that would allude to me being in love with him until now. So if he didn’t feel the same, this was all we had, and all and would ever get.

“Shit. Say it. Say it again baby been wantin’ it so fuckin’ long now” he rasped. I opened up my eyes, looking up at him to see his gaze was locked on me, like I had hung the sun in the sky just for him.

“I love you Carmen.” I said honestly and he moaned, resting his forehead on mine, looking into my eyes. I smelt his minty breath mingling with mine, hot as it fanned my lips.

“Yeah? Say it- fuck- say it one more time angel” he said, hips stuttering and thrusts becoming more sloppy.

I cupped his cheeks, feeling as if we were the only 2 people left on earth and all we had was time. “I fucking love you, bear” I said while looking into his eyes and he whined quietly, spilling into me so much that it began leaking out onto his thighs and the curve of my ass before he even pulled out and drawing me into a deep, fervent, wanting kiss, wrapping his strong arms around me and keeping his cock nestled deep inside as we exchanged hot, loving, messy kisses.

“Do you- do you really?” he asked when we pulled away to breathe, both of our chests moving up and down rapidly.

I nodded, swallowing thickly “It- It slipped out…I didn’t mean to tell you like this - I wasn’t thinking- I know it scares you- I- I wont say it again if it-” he stops me by kissing me again, slipping his tongue over mine and wrapping me in a bear hug, leaning against the door and sucking on my tongue gently.

I hum in satisfaction, closing my eyes and letting him have me. “Say it whenever you want, please” he said softly when he finally pulled away.

“You- you don’t think you can say it?” I asked, biting the inside of my lip nervously.

I had a feeling he was in love with me, but I’d been here before with someone and the L word scared them off. But the guy has been essentially living with me since we started seeing eachother - what else would that be!?

“No - No…honey thats not- I-I love you - ‘msorry, I thought you could… that you could tell what else should I do?” he asked and I smiled wide.

“Saying it was the only thing you were missing- oh and maybe coming home on time once in a while to show me you actually like being there- but nothing to be sorry for, I see you baby” I assured him, gently kissing his sticky sweaty cheek.

I felt like I was in the most beautiful dream ever, There was nothing more that I wanted than him, and this.

He buried his face in my neck, sniffling softly and remaining quiet for a few minutes, before saying “We should go home and change, theres definitely cum all over that dress” he joked. His voice sounded slightly horse, and when I sat up to look at him he quickly wiped away a tear staining his cheek.

“I love you, and you don’t have to say it all the time baby - I’ll probably say it a lot more than you cause it’s just how I am, and I know you, and how you are. You show me with your actions how much you love me, and thats what I need. I know baby, I know you love me. I can tell you love me, every day” I wiped the stray tears from his cheeks with the pads of my thumbs, gently cupping his jaw.

“How could you know if I never said it?” he asked and rested his hands on my lower back.

I took a deep breath, sighing softly as I thought with a small smile on my lips “Lets see… you always make me lunch- and dinner - you always watch shows I wanna watch, you actually listen to me when I talk about them- and notice things, and ask me questions. You always say thank you, even for small silly things like when I rub your hair, or when I make you your coffee. You compliment my crochet and costume making, and ask me about the books I read. You bring Persephone little toys and treats on the weekends when you have to hang out with her while I do inventory with Sadie. You always push yourself for me- even though I never ask you to, like bringing me flowers- or that time you bought my perfume because it was getting low and didn't say anything? You show me, Carmy. Every day, to be loved is to be seen. And you are always showing me that you see things about me that I didn’t notice you could even see because I thought I hid them well enough” I asked and he nodded a bit

“Now that you mention it… I guess I didn’t know what it meant, I knew I felt for you like- differently… then anyone before. But I felt like it would be too fair to call it love” he said and I pout a bit

“What do you mean, fair?” I asked and he rubs up my back gently with flat palms

“Fair to me. I didn’t think that something that felt so good could be love, that it was like- the universe fuckin’ w’me again. And something er someone would take you away from me as soon as I called it love” he said and I gently kiss his chin, then lips, then the tip of his nose.

“Love can be scary, I keep waiting for me to do something and you just…turn. Like- like a monster or something. But it's not to do with you- because I can’t ever see you doing that, It’s just my past relationships scarred me so deeply that I'm just waiting. Like the day I dropped the cup at the restaurant, I thought you were gonna yell at me for some reason- even though you've never yelled at me. My ex would have yelled at me for hours over that- but you didn’t. You told me it was okay, and you cleaned it up and never rubbed it in my face or anything. That healed something in me, like- i’m not so scared to make a mistake around you anymore, cause it’s happened and you reacted healthily. So every time you think I'm going to leave, and I don't- it's going to heal a small part of a fear like that in you, and make this all alot less scary. At least- that's what my therapist says” I shruged a bit.

“I’m glad it’s with you. Being in love.” he said softly, eyes fluttering shut as I gently brushed my fingers through his messy hair to look a bit more contained.

I smiled, kissing his forehead gently “I’m glad too, Bear. I wouldn’t wanna love anyone else”

“Where the fuck have you guys been? Hey sweetheart- did you go back home and change?” Richie asks as we came in the kitchen.

I was baring a bouquet of flowers and Carmy was holding a 2 bottles of wine “sorry! Yeah my heels were bugging me it’s my fault” I said giving him a hug and he kisses my cheek

“You better not be pregnant yet the holidays are the worst time - also Richie will you quiet your loud mouth I just put Bee down” Natalie says as she comes by giving me a kiss on the cheek and ruffling Carm’s hair

“Wine? Look at you Bear she’s turned you into a real adult- takin’ gifts to parties like a big boy” she teased, taking the bottles and he rolled his eyes

“She’s not pregnant and you’re not funny” he took my hand, pulling me to him and rubbing my back gently.

That was another thing- the family now saw us as the next couple to get pregnant - even though we’d hardly been together a year - Because ‘they dont want our kids to be the only cousins being left out when the girls are older, I guess maybe I should take it as a good thing and being they’ve accepted me as one of theirs

“Let’s sneak t’the backyard before they can rope me in t’somethin yeah?” He whispered in my ear

“Okay” I smiled, kissing his cheek gently and lacing our fingers together as he leads us towards the back door

“Hey! Carm I didn’t know you were coming who’s this?” An older man says and I turned around

“I didn’t know you were comin’ hey Unc- this is my girlfriend, Winnie” he said and I smiled

“Hi” I wave shyly to the older man. I’d never seen him before, Carmy did mention though he had been paying an Uncle Jimmy back for money Mikey had borrowed for the restaurant but no one else - so this must be him.

“Ahhhh okay, Hello Winnie - what a name. You are just a sweetheart, Is this one treatin’ you good? I can knock some sense into ‘em. You ever need anything you come find Jimmy okay?” he teased and I smiled a bit

“He is nothing short of lovely but I promise I’ll pass word if that ever changes and take you up on the offer” I joked and he smiled

“She’s gonna fit in just fine here, Carm. Where’d you find this one?” He asked and Carm shrugged a bit.

“Just. Around. Moms not coming is she?” Carmy asked and I looked up at him

“Who knows kid. She told me she’s off the bottle but- who knows” he said with a shrug and Carm nodded a bit.

“Don’t tell ‘em where we went, please” he opened the back door, tugging me outside and shutting it behind us.

“If my mom comes we’re leaving” he said and I crossed my arms.

“You don’t want me to meet her but you love me?” I asked and he chuckled dryly.

He hadn’t spoken much about her, the most I’d known was that she’s a raging alcoholic- had driven a car through their family home at one point, but when Natalie had her first baby she cleaned up for about 6 months, then fell off again- and has been going months in addiction, then trying to clean up for a birthday or something like this, and the cycle maintains that way.

He digs his cigarettes out of his jeans, pulling one out. “I don’t want you to meet her because I love you. Don’t pull that. Is that gonna be a fuckin’ card for you now because I was honest?” He stuck it between his lips and lit it.

I felt my stomach twist. He was already starting to fly off the handle and say things he didn’t mean. That little comment would absolutely be a deeper conversation when we did get home - because I didn’t appreciate it in the slightest.

“A card?” I scoff “what do you mean card. This isn’t a game, Carm, this is our lives, There are no cards.” I took a deep breath to try and regulate myself. “You don’t really talk about her. And I don’t want to push you- but what is it is she mean? Is it just that you think she’s gonna hate me?” I questioned and he rubbed over his forehead, exhaling smoke away from us.

“Winnie it’s not even- this isn’t even the fuckin place t’talk about it. No she’s not- she’s not fuckin mean she just has issues okay. And she - she fuckin yells it’s more for your sake, she’s all fuckin loud and I don’t want her freakin you out and - I— I just don’t want her showing up and if she does oh well, we’ll be gone before she knew we were here. I don’t even want her knowing about you. Not right now at least. Whenever we get married or whatever the fuck - sure I’ll tell ‘er, but before then she just has the potential of fucking this up” he said before taking a long drag of his cigarette.

Of course. This was all leading back to his abandonment issues. Most of the issues in our relationship related back to my anxiety around death, and his anxiety around being left alone because he’s ‘not good enough’ in his mind. We couldn’t keep basing our relationship around fears or we’d never grow- so, I pushed.

“Your mom isn’t gonna scare me away. I don’t care if she is a screamer. My mom was a screamer. Chris didn’t have to deal with it- I did. By myself. So trust that I can handle it. I don’t want you getting comfortable yelling at me because I have to live with you. But I love you, and I love everyone else we’ve met in your family, and so I’m sure I will like her if she shows up.” I said and he shook his head.

“No. No. I don’t wanna hear what she has T’say babe. Good- thank you- I’m glad - I-I’m happy you aren’t gonna fuckin leave but I don’t want to hear her fuckin mouth, Winnie. Shes gonna have somethin to say about you, about us. And I- I can’t handle it. I care about you too much and I won’t be able to keep my mouth shut and I’m gonna ruin the entire night. If she chooses me the whole night will get ruined because if she chooses me you’ll start and then she of course can’t -“ he shut his eyes, breathing deeply.

He wasn’t budging about this, or even willing to compromise with me - and his telltale signs of a panic attack started to show, quick breathing, flushed skin, scrunched brows, literally shutting himself off by squeezing his eyes shut.

“Baby” I said softly, stepping forward and wrapping my arms around his middle. “We’ll go. We’ll go.” I assured him, gently running my finger over the bulging vein in his neck with a featherlight touch. “You’re so stressed love, breathe” I rub my palm gently over his racing heart.

“This is why. I can’t even fuckin think about it Winnie, I can’t” he wrapped his arm around my waist and took another drag of his cigarette.

I had to break this thought loop he was stuck in right now. I could see the gears turning in his mind, each and every worst-case scenario playing out in great detail like a film reel. It was something that my therapist had taught me during sessions and I had eventually picked up on, and started doing it with Carm. She would ask me a random question about something I love, so Taylor Swift, or Music Festivals, or Cats, and get me really into talking about it - and all the negative thoughts just snap away.

“How many kinds of vinegar are there?” I ask and he raised his eyebrow in confusion.

“Vinegar?” He asked and I nod.

“All kinds. Well- I’ll be fair I guess cooking kinds, are there other kinds?” I gently fixed his chain to face the front.

“Anything that is a fruit vegetable or a grain can be a vinegar, honey- why are you asking me this?” He questions and I shrug.

“Because I wanna know. So ew you can make onion vinegar?” I scrunch my nose.

“Uh-“ he took a drag of his cigarette “yes babe but…who the fuck would want that?” He asked, a small hint of a smile on his lips, my trick working as it usually did.

“What about balsamic vinegar, what is that?” I asked, sticking my hand under his shirt and holding his hip, stroking little lines into his skin with the pad of my thumb.

“It’s grape juice vinegar instead of wine vinegar to put it simple” he said and I nod

“You’re smart” I said, gently kissing his jaw “so so smart. It’s sexy” I said and he gently squeezed my bum

“What’s all the interest about vinegar babe you writin’ a book?” He teased and I giggle into his skin

“You’re not stuck in a loop anymore that’s what” I kissed down his neck. “And I was thinking about it in church. I was like what is red wine vinegar. Oh yeah and what is it?” I asked and he chuckled.

“Mmm so full of questions sweetheart. They take red wine, then they ferment it, and then they add a culture-“

“A culture like yogurt?” I asked and he hummed

“A culture like yogurt, that’s right little Sous someone’s been listening when I go on about work stuff huh?” He said, patting me gently.

I smiled proudly “I love listening t’you. Okay keep going smarty sorry for interrupting” I said and he threw his cigarette butt down into the ash tray on the rail before wrapping his other arm around me and leaning against the wall.

“Well not much else princess, they just ferment it and then add the culture then they put it in a barrel to ferment” he explained and the door opened

“Bear Richie needs your help he’s fucking everything up with the lamb can you please come in?” Natalie asked

“I literally sent him a text of what to do step by step” he huffs, “You wanna do the lemon zest honey?” He asked me as we went inside

“Sure, I’ve been told I’m you’re best zester” I teased and he chuckled as he rolled up his sleeves to wash his hands

“You are my best zester and my best girl.” He kisses my temple when I come next to him at the sink to wash my hands.

𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓂'𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱.🧸

After I’d dressed the lamb and put it in the oven, I went and sat on the couch with Sadie and Winnie who were deep in conversation about something I couldn’t even pay attention to at the moment. Because Nat had pulled me aside about 25 minutes ago to tell me mom is coming, but only for dessert- and only because she’s ’on the mend again.’ Whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.

She’d been ‘on the mend’ and uncountable amount of times since Natalie's kids had been born. Each time was unpredictable to say the least. I had completely given up on her ever becoming fully ‘healthy’ whatever that means, a long time ago. But if she would at the very least be honest and not have to make a huge scene of being removed when she shows up drunk after she swore she would be ‘sober as a nun’ that would be at the very least more respectable.

Natalie had begged me to stay. Said I was the ‘only one she’d talk to’ which felt like bullshit- because mom and I don’t talk. She talks and I listen - and I told her if she’s drunk we’re leaving. I have a bad feeling Winnie and Mom won’t take kindly to each other especially if moms drunk. Of course that wouldn’t be Winnies fault, but the point still stood strong. Also- Syd is here, and I don’t want Syd dealing with that. So if mom does show up - which I really hoped she wouldn’t and was just trying to give Natalie some false hope she still cared about the family at all since Mike did what he did - I’m taking Winnie and Syd and getting the fuck out of here..

I’m pulled out of my thoughts by Winnie laughing loudly “Sadie you are gonna piss him off stop” she rubs my arm

“I think it’s precious baby don’t listen to them” she said and I look up at Sadie who’s showing Syd a video on her phone and she gasps before slapping her arm and laughing

“Sadie stop!!” She laughs “A) he doesn’t carry a bag B) he doesn’t have a mustache- but everything else is accurate in that” she took a sip from her wine glass

“What? Are you making fun of me?” I asked and Winnie laughed a bit, a frisky grin on her face

“What!? Never baby it’s just a silly joke how we’re like..a common match I guess. It’s only a joke” she explained and I extended my hand

“Let me see” I told Sadie and she shook her head

“You weren’t paying attention so no” she teased and I roll my eyes

“Children” but I couldn’t help but smile a bit. That was something I did around Winnie a lot. Richie was right, she is very funny, in strange ways but she is. It’s more of a childlike randomness then anything else but it tends to really draw people in. It drew me in. I still hadn’t had a chance to ruminate over what happened earlier.

I do love her. I just feel scared that I said it, that now I did there really is another shoe waiting to drop. It almost felt like another secret, because if it’s not i’m gonna be drilled with questions. Questions that I likely don’t have the answer to and won't until I talk it out with my therapist like every other fucking thing in my life. It was starting to revolve around that woman. Or thats what it felt like. I’d been seeing an individual therapist for only 2 months out of the three we’d been dating. I’d started after breaking down in Nat’s car at 3 am that one time. She’d told me she was either dragging me there, or she ‘couldn’t be around me anymore’ because it hurt her too much to see me ‘spiraling out like Michael without the drugs’ .

I’d thought she was being dramatic, sure the only reason I broke down like that was Winnie, and I refused to stop seeing her so that would no longer happen - but I also couldn’t stand not seeing and talking to Nat so often, I forgot how much i’d missed her in New York and her …. nagging. Strangely enough.

“Bear-” I felt a grab on my shoulder and see Nat standing there “Let’s go outside yeah?” she said and I nodded a bit, looking over at Winnie

“Be back in a second yeah?” I kiss her head and she nods turning back to Sadie listening to whatever story she was telling her

I shut the door behind us digging a cigarette out and lighting it. “You’re quiet tonight” she leaned against the rail and watched me.

“A lot going on in case you haven’t realized” I muttered, taking a drag and looking down the street to avert her gaze. I wasn’t gonna go into everything right now, not here - and not when mom is gonna be here who knows when because she’s said that she was coming to dessert before and then came hours before expected because she thought Nat had told her 6 when she’d really told nat 8.

“Is it…Winnie?” she asked, and I suddenly felt annoyed at the thought that anyone could ever think she did something to me to intentionally make me feel this way

“No- no. Why would it be? Its fuckin mom. Winnie was all fuckin excited to come here and be here with all of you- because i’ve told you I don’t want her around mom- so since I was told she 100% was not coming I decided - oh how fuckin nice- she talks about never havin’ a fuckin family to do shit with, and never having been to a fuckin dinner like this- and now day fuckin’ of you drop on me she’d be here. If I’d have known, I’d never have come here. I’d never have told her. Because she loves to be apart and she - she wants me to feel good about shit like this but I can’t when mom’s involved. And now - it’s gonna be a whole fucking thing t’night when we get home. And its not her fault she sees when im upset, and its not her fault she can be normal when talking about shit like this. And its not her fault were all so fucked up. So it's not Winnie- Its us. Its who we are as a fucking family unit. So thats what it is, Nat” I said and finally looked over at her.

She sighed deeply, nodding a bit. “Shes smart, Bear. And strong as any one of us, i’ve talked to her, you know? More then just once. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, and you’re a good person, Carm. She’s not pestering you, she’s worried about you. But we all know how you love worrying about your own shit so much that you can’t see the people around wanting to help.” she said.

“Thats why I don’t want her around mom. Because I know she wont be able to stand her, Nat. She’s….she doesn’t let peoples shit slide. And I’m worried because I can’t control her- I- I wont. It’s one of her…rules” I sighed a bit.

“She gives you….rules?” she asked.

“Not like that- just like- ‘do this and I’ll leave you without question this is your warning’ and one of ‘em is If I ever seriously try to control how she acts around anyone were done. Which I can understand shes a girl and all that” I stomp out the burning butt under my shoe.

“See- shes smart. And It will be fine as long as Mom comes sober and stays that way. She wont start anything with anyone as long as she is. Can you just please, please do me a favor and try to keep her away from the liquor, Carm? We’re putting it away before she gets here but… She can’t be around the kids if she drinks and Bee’s been fussy and I can't let Charlie see her if she gets drunk without anyone looking. I can’t keep an eye on her, but you can! Please Carm, please” she begged.

“No- No. Fuck no, actually. Fuck that- and fuck this, Natalie. No, I’m not leaving my fucking girlfriend alone tonight, so I can chase mom around the house to make sure that she doesn’t drink. I’ve told you. I don’t want to be a part anymore of her fuckin’ bullshit! What are- are you even getting out of this, Natalie? She’s not a grandmother, she’s an extra child you bring around presenting as a fuckin’ grandmother because you want y’r fuckin’ kids to have what we didn’t even have. Newsflash, Nat- To know how to be a fuckin’ grandmother? You need to have been a mother- something she’s never been good at. I’m glad you took me out here because the last thing I needed was mom showing up - and me being expected to play fuckin’ alcoholic sitter all night. Enjoy your shit show with mom”

I turned around, opening the front door and having every urge to slam it, but holding back and shutting it calmly. I leaned against it, taking a few deep breaths and rubbing over my face. If I go in theliving room steaming, Winnie’s gonna cause a whole fucking scene trying to calm me down, well- not a scene - but she’d notice how upset I was off the bat, and then i’d make a scene trying to convince her I was fine when that was the furthest from the truth and spiral out of control when she didn’t believe me.

This was not how this night was gonna go. Not if I could do anything to help it. If Winnie wanted to do a big fucking family dinner at Nat’s or Richies, or something. Hell, I’d buy a fucking house and throw a dinner party there with everyone if it meant I kept her from being apart of this god damned dumpster fire of a situation.

“Honey” I called from the hall, trying to keep my voice even and digging my keys out of my pocket.

“Comin’!” she called from the living room, a few seconds later showing up at the end of the hall and padding over to me with her glass of wine and her regular smiley warm demenor.

“Hey baby” I tried my best to put on a small smile, “Uh- I’m sorry…I’m not feelin’ good my stomach is feelin’ pretty fucked and I have bad heartburn, we’ll come back for the next one, yeah?” I told her, wrapping my hands around her hips and pulling her closer.

“Oh no! Sweetheart, you have barely eaten today mm? That may be why your tummy is buggin’ you. Lets get you something small before dinner and you can lay down and see if it passes? If not we can go, The lamb you made is smelling so good baby I wanted to try it, I’ve never had that before” She asked sweetly, gently rubbing my chest.

Damn her always having solutions.

“No- honey… please- please? I just wanna go home and lay down and watch our shows, I can’t even hold anything down right now- can we?” I asked gently, leaning against the wall.

Before she could even answer, my entire world spin and flew off of its axis. I wanted the ground to swallow Winnie and I up and send us somewhere that was anywhere but here. The entire house silenced, other then the near bane of my existence but also the unfortunate giver of life I was currently living out. “No! NO! If my SON doesn’t want to see me, He will TELL ME WHY Natalie! He can EXPLAIN HIMSELF! I am not a child! I can HANDLE MY OWN SON YOU MY FUCKED UP LITTLE WANNABE AS MUCH AS YOU TRY TO REPLACE ME - ARE NOT HIS MOTHER!”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ⋘ 𝐖𝐈𝐏 ♡♡♡ ⋙

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siampie · 2 days

Text

Finding You||Chapter 2

Pairing: Michael Kinsella x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3 k

Warnings/tags: pinning, childhood trauma, eldest daughter syndrome, mention of emotional abuse.

A/N: Enjoy this chapter, you guys. I don’t have much to say about this chapter. Apart from the fact that there’s some set up for Reader’s own story.

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Tag list: @marytheweefrenchie, @sunflowersandsapphires, @schneeflocky, @danzer8705, @shouldbestudying41,

@beezusvreeland

Dividers by @cafekitsune

I have to talk to you, call me.

That was all what your sister;Mary;had texted you. She had sent it last night while you were sleeping. You couldn’t call her that morning. Not being in the same time zone made communication between you difficult but not impossible. It had also triggered your anxiety. What did she want to talk about? Maybe it was nothing too important. You were trying to convince yourself. A feeble attempt to calm your nerves.

Still, you were anxious. You usually called one another on the week-ends. And you never asked to call. It was never a thing. That she went out of her way to ask you to call was strange and worrisome. So being in a different time zone than your sister, you waited for your lunch break to call her.

“So, how’s life in Dublin?” You sister asked you once she picked up the call. You stood outside of the building. Your sister was finishing feeding her son his breakfast as you were calling her.

“Good.” You answered quickly. “How’s the little one?” You knew what she was doing, she was stalling. Whatever she had to say must be really bad if she felt the need to stall. So, you played into it. But the fact that she was stalling only spiked your anxiety levels.

“He’s growing up.” She said, you could hear the smile in her voice. Your sister had always wanted to be a mother and after years of trying with her partner, she became one to a healthy little boy. You were happy for her. “But it always seems like he’s trying to get himself killed.”

You snorted. “It seems like he’s failing so far.” You heard the clatter of utensils on the line. “Why did you want me to call?”

“Oh, boy!” You sister let out a long breath. “It’s about mom.”

“What about her?” You let out a shaky breath.

“Dave may have told her where you live. Giving her your address and everything.” Mary told you.

Dave was your brother. You did not have a good relationship with him. You didn’t hate him but he had failed to show up anytime you asked for his help. While you showed up each and every single time. And he sometimes had the audacity to blame you for being ungrateful for all that he was doing for you. You could not be grateful for something he had never done or that he done once in a blue moon. Whereas he failed to see all the times you had helped him.

He had not been in favor of your moving away. Judging that the money that your father had left you, should be shared amongst you. Because that was what your father would have wanted; for you to share the money equally. But you had refused. You were going to but the fact he suggested the idea. No, not suggested. Demanded that you do it, had made you decide otherwise. You chose to enjoy the money your father had left for you. Mary and Matthew had found it natural that your father would leave that money to you. You had earned it for all the sacrifices you had made for them.

After all, your sacrifices had allowed them to move out, to live their lives. It had allowed them to fall in love and build their own home and family. While you remained behind, taking care of your father, and maybe wasting your life away. They knew what you had done for them. And all they wanted was for you to finally be happy. This money was your reward. And you could do with it as you pleased.

You felt your anger flared up in your veins. You took a deep breath before you spoke. Trying to leave the anger out of your tone. Your sister was not the one who betrayed your trust. She was only the messenger. And you didn’t want to yell at her. Not at your sister.

“What the hell did he do that for?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “All he said was that mom asked and he saw no reason not to tell her.”

“Look, I get why all of you want a relationship with her. I do. But I told you, I don’t want to have a relationship with the woman.” You reminded her.

“I know that.” Mary reassured you. “And Matt knows that. And so does Dave. And honestly, I don’t know why he did that. But you’re in Ireland. She’s not gonna show up on your doorstep. You really think she’s gonna waste money on you?”

“No, I don’t think she will.” You replied, leaning on the wall behind you. “Still, I don’t want her to know where I am. She’s still with that prick, isn’t she?”

“They’ve been together for twenty years. And there’s no sign of a separation. They are more in love than ever.”

You scoffed. “Of course they are.”

“Listen, I don’t think they are gonna come and find you in Ireland. And why would they?” Mary tried to comfort you.

“To stir shit up.” You replied.

“I think she genuinely wants to have a relationship with you. And I know, you don’t. And Dave was wrong to give her your address.” Mary kept on. “I don’t think she’s going to show up, I just needed you to know.”

That gave you pause. “You don’t think she’s going to show up. But you needed me to know that she knew where I was?”

“Yeah—just in case.”

You huffed out a laugh. “Just in case. Yeah, she’s definitely showing up. With her boyfriend.”

“Husband.” Your sister corrected you.

“Fantastic.” You said dryly. “Remind me again why I decided not to go no contact with Dave?”

“Your goddaughter.”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “Thanks for telling me.”

“Of course.” Your sister breathed out. “What kind of sister would I be if I didn’t?”

“The bad kind.” You joked softly. “I love you.”

“I know.”

“Say it back.” You frowned up.

“Talk to you later.” And she hung up. You immediately texted back a middle finger emoji.

You laughed when she texted it back to you. You dropped your head back against the wall.

Your mother had left when you were a child. And immediately after leaving your father, she had found love in the arms of her new husband. After years of emotional abuse, and manipulation on her part, of constant walking in and out of your life, you put a stop to it. You couldn’t go through this anymore. It was too painful. Plus, you hated her new husband. He was—he was not good. You had tried to accept him. You wanted to. But something about him, the way he behaved around you, made you afraid and unsafe. You couldn’t have that in your life. You didn’t want to feel that way anytime you were around your mother. You stopped any attempt at having a relationship with her. You no longer wanted her in your life.

Hopefully, your sister was right, your mother would not make the journey to Ireland. You were hoping for it at least. Your life was finally getting together. You were at peace here in Ireland and you wanted it to stay that way.

As soon as you got home, you discarded your shoes by the door, dropped your bags by the couch and fell into it. That day had turned out to be a long one. You loved hearing from your sister but you had regretted to call her at all. Especially with the bit of news she had given you. You should have stayed in bed this morning. Although, if you had—you would not have met your quite handsome neighbor.

Your mind flashed back to his soft hazel eyes, and the lone dimple that appeared under his beard when he smiled. Quite handsome, indeed.

“Damn it!” You cussed. “He’s a criminal. A drug lord and a murderer. You can’t find him attractive.”

You shouldn't and you wouldn't. He was a Kinsella and they were dangerous people. You needed to stay away from him.

Dressed in grey leggings and a large hoodie, you were enjoying your small diner in front of mind-numbing TV. When the red and blue lights flashed through your front windows. The Garda were down your streets. Shortly after they arrived, you heard the heart wrenching wail of a woman down the street. You slowly put your plate down. What had happened? You knew by the sound of that scream that terrible news had just been delivered.

The flashes of blue and red had vanished a while after that. You were lying in bed, hopelessly trying to fall asleep. But your thoughts could not just stop swirling around in your mind. Jimmy and Amanda had lost their son; Jamie Kinsella. The local news had broadcasted the news on their websites. It was brief and they didn’t have much information. But all of them relayed the same information over and over again. Jamie Kinsella had been shot and died on the scene.

You couldn’t help the sadness that taken over you when you read the news. He was barely seventeen. Too young to die. He was just a child. You knew how it felt to lose a parent. It was painful and heartbreaking. In your case, you had time to say goodbye and come to terms with it. It was a loss; it was painful but not in the way the world perceived it. You had known it was coming. And you had already mourned your father before it ever happened. You had expected it.

As for Jamie, it was unexpected. It was so sudden and brutal. How did one prepare for such a death? How did one prepare for the loss of a child? It was not the natural order of things. That was not how it was supposed to go. A parent should never have to bury a child. And yet, it happened.

Why were you affected by it? Yes, it was sad. A young life had just ended but you barely knew him. It shouldn’t bother you that much. It shouldn’t affect you as it did. Your thoughts inevitably drifted to your neighbor next door. How was he feeling? How was he coping with the loss? Was he over at his brother’s to bring his support? Or was he alone in his home dealing with the loss on his own? No one should be alone when dealing with a loss. You knew how terrible it was to receive no comfort. To just stew in your own pain, alone.

Seeing as you couldn’t sleep, you had moved downstairs. You quietly made your way into your kitchen, looking for something that may help you fall asleep. The gold door light of your neighbor was filtering through your large window. Against the dimmed light, you could make out the silhouette of a woman walking away from Michael’s house. It was too dark out for you to be able to tell who it was. You watched as she disappeared behind the brick wall.

It must have been hard on all of them. Especially after they had all celebrated Michael’s release from prison. And now this. The tragic loss of a child. You could only imagine how Jimmy and Amanda were feeling. And Michael—

You took a deep breath and grabbed your keys off of the hook. You stepped out of the front door, in the chill air of the night. After you locked your door, you hugged yourself to keep warm and made your way to your neighbor’s door. You two had just met and this was probably bold of you to assume. But you thought that he might not want to be alone to face this. And maybe you were wrong. Maybe Michael did not mind being alone. That thought alone made you hesitate. Still, you made your way over to his doorstep. Your fist hovered for a few seconds. Hesitating. With another deep breath, you knocked three times. And you waited. You were growing more nervous as the seconds went by. You hugged yourself tighter. The door swung open revealing Michael behind it.

“Michael, hey.” You greeted him. Shoulders slumped, eyes red from crying, Michael looked tired and pained. Although, he tried and failed to hide it all behind a mask. “I saw the Guards earlier—” You went for the direct approach. And mentally slapped yourself for it.

“So, ya know about Jamie?” He nodded solemnly.

“I do.” You nodded. “I just came to see if you were—how you were doing?”

He scoffed, his sorrowful gaze dropping to the ground. “Not great.”

You puffed out a shaky breath. “I don’t mean to intrude or—” You trailed off. “Do you want to be alone?” You questioned him. His eyes snapped up at you. His brows scrunched up in confusion. His eyes roamed your face, studying you. “I know what it’s like to be alone when you lose someone.” You blurted out. “It’s not great but—if you’d rather be alone—” You trailed off.

His sorrowful eyes scanned you over. Studying you. You had surprised him. He clearly did not expect his neighbor that he barely met, to come to him in the middle of the night. Especially not to offer him comfort. Comfort that he desperately needed. Birdy had told him that he needed to be there for Jimmy and Amanda. Amanda had asked him what were Jamie’s last moments like. And for all of them, he had shown a brave face. He had stood strong but he was there too. He had seen it all. And no one had stopped to ask how he was feeling—except for you. His gaze roamed your face, he noticed how you tightened your arms around your middle.

He cleared his throat. “D’ya—want to come in?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. Michael stepped to the side to let you in.

So much for staying away from the criminal next door. There you were, in his home in the middle of night. The layout of his home was almost identical to yours for the most part, kitchen by the front door. The hallway that led to the living room. You left your slippers by the front door and followed Michael to the sitting room. He sat down in his couch as you stood by the doorway. Putting a semblance of distance between you.

“I was there,” Michael said after a few minutes of silence.

Your breath hitched in your throat at his words before your eyes fell shut. Pained to hear that he had seen it happened. He looked up at you, grief etched into every line of his face.

“He was laughin’, messin’ around and then—he was just gone.” Michael said quietly. His face crumpled as a set of fresh tears fell down his face. His hand quickly wiped away any traces of them.

“I’m so sorry you had to see it.” You said quietly, tears pressing against your eyes.

“He was just a boy.” Michael continued quietly.

“I know.” You were itching to reach over and just pull him into your embrace. Would he even allow it?

“Birdy told me I need to be there for Jimmy and Amanda.” His voice cracked. “Losin’ their son and everythin’. But—I—I lost him too.” He buried his face into his hands. “Jamie was—” His voice muffled by his hands. You waited for him to finish his thought but it never came as a sob racked his body.

You quickly wiped away a stray tear from your face. You moved to go sit down next to him. Your arms slowly and gently wrapped around him. And pulled him into you. His hands went up to your forearm, around his neck. You leaned your cheek on the top of his head. Whispering words of comfort as he wept. You probably had overstepped boundaries here. But what were you supposed to do? This was the only way you knew how to bring comfort.

Your ran your hand on his back in a soothing circle. When he seemed to have calm down, he pulled gently away from you. Your arms fell back at your sides. He ran his hand over his face, erasing the tears that had fallen there.

“Sorry.” He apologized as he did so.

“Don’t be.” You shook your head. “It’s okay.” You started to run your hands on your thighs, in a nervous manner. “I just—I’m so sorry about Jamie.”

Michael nodded solemnly; his eyes red from crying. He rested his hand on your knee. Your breath hitched in your throat at the gesture. Your eyes went to his face. He was staring at you, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Thank you,” He said. “For askin’ and for—bein’ here.”

“Ah.” You nodded, smiling softly. “I have no merit. I was just doing my neighborly duties.”

“Is that it?” Michael retorted his voice still thick with emotions. He cleared his throat. “Is that why you here?”

You shrugged. “Like I said, I know how it feels like to lose someone and have no one there with you; to comfort you. When you desperately need it. It feels very—”

“Lonely.” He finished for you.

“Yeah.” You stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds. “And should you need a shoulder to cry on again—I’m right next door. Whenever you need.”

He squeezed your knee gently, as tears welled back up in his eyes. A warm smile made its way onto his face. You had meant it. You probably shouldn’t have offered but you couldn’t help yourself. Michael Kinsella had looked so broken and so pained; it was hard to not offer comfort when he needed it. You knew too well, what it was like to not receive any when you needed it. And Michael needed it.

You just really hoped you had helped a little.

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#michael kinsella fic #michael kinsella x reader #michael kinsella x fem! reader #michael kinsella angst #michael kinsella fluff #michael kinsella #comfort #kin rte #kin amc #kin bbc

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