#I don't know how to communicate how genuinely I mean every single word in this post

[lenaellsi]

I've never understood what people mean when they say that Crowley is hiding the truth of Heaven and God's cruelty from Aziraphale to protect him or spare his feelings. That's like...the complete opposite of what Crowley does.

Crowley spends all 6000 years of their time on Earth together making snarky comments about Heaven and God at every opportunity. It's his opening line in Eden, and even before Eden, he meets Aziraphale and two minutes later goes on a rant about how unfair it is to end the world before it’s really started. "What's the point of making an infinite universe if you're only going to let it run for a few thousand years?" He's been forcing Aziraphale to grapple with God's plan literally since the moment they met. Those moments make up like half of the S1E3 intro, and it happens again in every single S2 minisode. "Same God that wants me to whack the kids?" "Tell her that poverty is ineffably wonderful and life is worth living. Go on!" "That's the trouble with you lot. You tend to see things in black and white." Like. Crowley's not trying to hide anything! He thinks Heaven sucks! He thinks God is playing a fucked up game! He tells Aziraphale that all the time!

Crowley sharing or not sharing the minute details of Aziraphale's failed execution is, honestly, a nonissue, and it's kind of frustrating to see it constantly brought up. We don't even know for sure that Crowley never told Aziraphale exactly what was said. Crowley says Aziraphale "doesn't remember it either," when he's talking to Jim--not that he doesn't know, just that he doesn't remember, because he wasn't physically there. But regardless of whether Aziraphale knows the exact words, he absolutely knows that Gabriel "tried very hard to cast [him] into Hellfire and destroy [him]." And he already knows Gabriel is an asshole. That's not news.

And I'm unconvinced that Crowley wouldn't have shared what he learned in Heaven about the Second Coming and Gabriel's trial over breakfast at the Ritz if things hadn't gone completely to shit. Here's my hot take: in the fifteen minutes he and Aziraphale had alone after he got back, he had other things on his mind. Would it have been helpful for Aziraphale to know? Eh, maybe. But honestly, Aziraphale is already aware that Heaven 1) is fully on board with the end of the world, and 2) has no problem punishing angels who try to stop the end of the world. Because, you know. They tried to kill him about it last time. And regardless, I don't think this is an issue of Crowley hiding things--I think he genuinely just forgot, because he was busy getting broken up with. If he'd thought about it, you bet he would have weaponized that to get Aziraphale to stay. And he kind of did! "When Heaven ends life here on Earth, it'll be just as dead as if Hell ended it."

And then there's the Fall, and yeah, fair enough. Crowley probably hasn't shared what the Fall looked like for him, and I think that's information Aziraphale could benefit from. Aziraphale clearly doesn't understand it--if he did, I can't imagine that he would have asked Crowley back to Heaven.

But that's still not Crowley trying to hide the truth about Heaven to protect Aziraphale's feelings, or whatever. He just doesn't want to talk about it! Because it fucking sucked! Crowley's communication problems stem entirely from his reluctance to grapple with his own emotions, and his reluctance to be vulnerable. Bitching about Heaven doesn't make him vulnerable; talking about his Fall really, really does.

Crowley has never once shied away from telling Aziraphale exactly what he thinks about Heaven, or the archangels, or God. He's constantly challenging him, forcing him to consider the people hurt by policy decisions like the Flood, the Crucifixion, Job's trials, or the "virtues of poverty." That's a huge part of their dynamic. Sure, he sucks at telling Aziraphale about himself--he doesn't communicate why he wants holy water, or that he's been living in his car, or anything at all about the Fall (as far as we know)--but when it comes to God? He is painfully honest. That's why Aziraphale is so unsettled by him. Crowley is generally very good to Aziraphale and conscious of his happiness, yes, but he's also not afraid to push him. It's baffling to me that people think that all he does is coddle him when we spend about half the show watching them bicker over this exact issue on screen.

#good omens #good omens meta #??? #anyway this has been bugging me sorry #gos2 spoilers #crowley #Aziraphale #long post #good omens 2

[sketchy-tour]

I just wanted to quickly say thank you guys!! Like... LIKE REALLY!!! THANK YALL SO MUCH!!!! The amount of constant love I receive for my work has been overwhelmingly wonderful to experience. I don't even know how to put it all into words. BUT IM GONNA TRY!

FAIR WARNING! I'm about to be really really sappy under the cut. So feel free to ignore that if you wish. But I got a lot of emotions I'm about to try to say.

Hi hello and hi. Um. Well, it's hard to explain how much this has meant to me. How much your kind words have sent waves of joy through my heart. How much every like has made me smile. How every reblog has made me feel a rush of pride. Every person who spammed me with likes when finding my blog, every person who talks in the tags when reblogging me, every person who shows up constantly in my notifs, every mutual who interacts with me even in the smallest of ways, every other artist I interacted with who has been kind to me.

All of it. Every single notif has made me smile in some way and I cannot thank you enough. I was so genuinely shy about sharing Dandy with Tumblr because I began drawing Dandy at a very turbulent time of my life. My WH art and oc had become a place of comfort for my mind and I had wanted to interact with the community for a long while but I'm skittish by nature so it took a LOT of mental prep for me to start posting this stuff here.

And the fact I have so much positivity in my notifs! I really needed that. Truly, I did. I still don't see myself as a big artist by any means, but I know I'm so lucky to have the bit of engagement I do from yall!

I feel like I'm rambling. Needless to say...it means the absolute world to me that the art that brings me joy is given such love by yall. Even if hyperfixations change, even if time marches us all in different directions, I'm thankful to have this. Right now. When I needed it.

#welcome home #welcome home oc #welcome home puppet show #dandy leon #my art #probably gonna schedule this so I don't post it at some ungodly hour again #so if you see this I may be asleep! #me desperately trying not to overshare while also trying desperately to make it clear how warm all this is making my heart and why #but all of this. It means so much to me #so so much #I really expected more people telling me I'm weird. Idk why #I just...did. And I really haven't been treated as such #And it makes me emotional realizing I can be silly and loud about the art that makes me happy #I just want to be happy. I want to see others happy. I want to have fun and be silly and it feels so wonderful to do that #and see yall having fun and being excited with me #I love it #thank you #just thank you

[orphee-aux-enfers]

I. Don’t understand how being against homophobia and misogyny and informational suppression is cultural relativism? Yeah I have a #USAmerican raised Christian bias but I think not being bioessentialist and anti-intellectual is. Normal???? Genuinely don’t understand

Okay so. My guess from how this was written is that you are either a child or just into your 20s. I'd expect much different wording and approach if you were older. So. I'm going to try and be as gentle and clear cut as possible.

1) Orthodox Judaism is actually quite diverse and also different from Christianity, even fundamentalist Christianity .

2) What you're witnessing is not necessarily indicative of the actual community values; you are interpreting without insider perspective, or seemingly any actual knowledge. You're also ascribing motive to actions that may or may not be there.

3) many orthodox Jews, myself included, are queer and trans and embraced by our community. Every person of authority I've spoken to on the matter says that my incredibly queer, t4t marriage that gets read as gay no matter what, still gets the mitzvah of sex on erev Shabbos, and that includes my main community of Chabad.

4) many books are screened before being given to children by all people everywhere for a variety of reasons. Just because you don't fully understand the reasons as you are not yourself Orthodox Jewish doesn't mean that they are automatically something to be hated due to your preconceived notions.

5) Assuming a group is inherently homophobic, misogynistic, etc. Simply because you don't understand them as you are not part of their community is in fact a bad behaviour, yes. Don't do that. Most of the time, in most communities people are at worst confused.

6) As for misogyny... It's important to know the ways in which Judaism actually structures it's sex roles. No one has different sex roles because they're lesser, which misogyny implies. And every SINGLE person I have ever met observes mitzvos based on sex due to actually desire, not coercion. But for example, married women cover their hair as a way of making their marriage even more holy. Men meanwhile are told to cover their head at all times so they are mindful of G-d at all times. What does this imply at first glance? Why, that women are capable of remembering G-d at all times and the men are silly and must forget G-d if not reminded! Do we think this is all to the interpretation?

So. Before you judge our community so harshly... Perhaps also consider the last century of human history alone. We are being killed and hurt at alarming rates again, especially in the USA. Is it any wonder we don't stop in the streets to justify our existence to you?

Lastly, an oversharing of my personal details because as I am currently safe and well at home, I feel I ought to give you opportunity to understand that you aren't seeing/understanding the complexity of sex roles in Judaism

7) so, yes, orthodox Judaism has gender/sex based roles. It also is, in my experience, pretty flexible to meet individuals. I was coercively assigned female at birth. I was however by Jewish law, tumtum. In English terms, I had ambiguous genitals which could be surgically changed. My sister wanted a baby sister. And so, I was surgically "corrected" and raised female, until puberty and onset of hormonal problems that indicated that it wasn't just a genital mutation. I felt disconnected from binary gender, and at time, in part of my community having a label for me while the hospital I was born at had simply labeled me "incorrect", I came to embrace a masculine social standing. Because I was unable to be sexed as an infant, have masculine levels of testosterone and a lack of menses for years at a time, I have to adhere to both male and female sex based mitzvos. Religiously, I am operating with the strictest possible adherence, but this is all written and debated, as are all of the other sexes in Judaism. I am, however, allowed to exist as intersex in a Jewish community in a way that I am NEVER allowed to exist as intersex without a fight in the secular world, to the point that if it's not relevant I identify only as trans, because otherwise it becomes too complicated in the secular world. And this is genuinely because there is actually a space for me to exist in, as there are six Talmudic sexes.

Being trans and intersex is "allowed". Being queer is "allowed". Some communities differ, but I've lived in seven, and all of them have been more accepting of me being queer, trans, and intersex, than any secular space, including liberal and leftist spaces. At WORST, I am met with curiosity because I am new to the community. I think, perhaps, too many people in this world mistake curiosity with hatred.

#antisemitism #can i summon jumblr for some support with the tag pls #jumblr #long post #based on tone I'm also assuming youre one of my followers not the harrassing anon #hence the answer

[farfromstrange]

Lizzi’s Valentine’s Special & Follower Celebration

Dear Everyone,

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and I thought, since this silly little blog hit over 1.1k followers yesterday, I want to give you something special.

First of all, though, I want to thank you. I’ve been on here since (and I checked with the archive) July 19, 2022. I can't believe that it has been almost two years. I started watching Daredevil after watching Spider-Man: No Way Home in December of 2021 and hearing Matt Murdock say, "I'm a really good lawyer," after catching a brick. So, I started watching the show, and that was during a time I was really miserable. Mentally and physically, I wasn't in a good place, but after watching Daredevil for the first time and falling in love with Charlie Cox as a genuine person and an actor, it felt like I found a reason to keep going.

I started writing fanfiction again, which I kind of neglected because I felt like this hobby of mine wasn't going anywhere. I wasn't inspired at all until I watched the show. If I hadn't, I probably would not have gotten back into writing and using it as an outlet for my feelings, and I probably wouldn't be where I am today. Thanks to Charlie's portrayal of Matt Murdock, and watching his interviews, I felt like I could do the things that I love again and follow my dreams. He's the reason I chose to major in English. And while I owe him that much, I owe you guys here on Tumblr and AO3 even more.

When I first posted here, I didn't think people would even be interested in what I had to say and write. But then more and more people started visiting my profile, you guys started following me, and it kept me motivated to keep writing, even when I'm miserable, and I sometimes only post once every blue moon.

I feel so honored that you guys chose to follow a silly little blog run by a silly little 20-something-year-old whose first language isn't even English (but made it her entire personality), and who chose to write about traumatized dark-haired characters portrayed by Charlie Cox. I'm overwhelmed by the love you continue to show me, and every time one of you chooses to reblog or comment on one of my works, saying that it resonated with you, I feel like I'm doing something right. I'm sharing my ideas, my own experiences, my wishes, and even my deepest, darkest dreams through my writing like it's a fucking diary, and you eat it up every single time.

I'm just so glad that this community exists, as chaotic as it sometimes is, and that you chose to stick around, even when I suck at keeping promises sometimes. You keep teaching me new things about who I am, my writing, and how important it is to put myself first. I don't know if you've heard it lately, but you guys are incredible and I appreciate the hell out of every single one of you.

Thanks to Tumblr, I made lifelong friends (especially looking at you, @blackshadowswriter) and found like-minded people that made me feel less alone. That alone was worth making this account and continuing to post on here.

You may think that I'm being dramatic, but for someone who has never really experienced the kind of validation this community gives me, I want to celebrate this milestone. It means more to me than I can even put into words. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love you all so much! Please, don't ever forget how amazing you are.

That being said, I've got some exciting things planned.

The other day, I found a folder in my Docs titled "the vault". I completely forgot about it because I usually keep my WIPs in a different folder. As it turns out, I made that folder for fics that I originally never planned to post, or ones that I'd finished but wasn't happy with. It’s many, but it’s a few. Some are deeper than others. I also jotted down rough ideas and outlines last year that I stuffed in there, some of which I've actually shared with you but never started working on. Until now. And the contents of that vault are what I want to give to you now.

INTRODUCING: The Vault

6 stories from the vault. 1 bonus fic. 7 days.

I went through a myriad of emotions while I wrote these. For some, I actually bled my soul onto paper. For others, it was merely a brain fart that led to their existence. They're sad, horny, and at times angry, but some of those were originally written for me, and only me. Those that weren't started as a few sentences in a folder before I forgot they existed. Either way, I don't want them to catch dust. And I wouldn't want to share them with anyone else.

Starting February 14th, I will be posting one fic every day until February 20th. My “The Vault” works are Matt Murdock x Reader works, but I've made an exception for the bonus fic. I won't tell you what they are about, but I will give you a list of installments and what kind of fic they are so you know what to be excited about (and maybe which ones are not your cup of tea).

-> The number at the end tells you the date I will be posting it on, but I put it in chronological order as well.

INSTALLMENTS:

1. If You Need To Be Mean (angst, hurt/comfort) 14.

2. Mismatched Bridesmaid (fluff, smut) 15.

3. Weed Cookies (humor, fluff, cw: accidental drug use) 16.

4. the grudge (songfic, angst, hurt/comfort, cw: death of a parent) 17.

5. Halloween (Smut) 18.

6. I Want To Fuck A Priest (Smut, cw: priest!Matt) 19.

BONUS:

7. Now That We Don’t Talk (Part 2 of Is It Over Now?) -> Frank Castle x Reader (smut, angst) 20.

A few more words: You are free to send me an ask if you want to know more, but be prepared that I won't be answering in much detail. I don't want to spoil the fun. I would, however, not mind talking about them as vaguely as possible (if you’re interested).

Thank you all. For everything. And I hope you stick around to read these little gems.

With love from yours truly,

Lizzi <3

#lizzi writes #follower celebration #valentine’s day #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock #daredevil #matt murdock x f!reader #matt murdock x you #frank castle x reader #matt murdock smut #matt murdock fluff #matt murdock angst #charlie cox

[bunnakit]

do you want to get chicken noodles?

i've had several people wonder why i'm obsessed with playboyy's aob and why i'm constantly saddened by the indifference towards him on the dash so i figured i'd grab hold of my 'too much' habits again and do a breakdown of all the reasons i love aob.

as always, i'm just a little guy on the internet. i could be way off base, i could be seeing things that aren't there, i could be reading too much into things, could be forgetting points of the plot or times when people have mentioned aob in a bad light, whatever. i just ask that you be nice to me because i'm only this big 🤏🏻 (and i also took the time to make gifs of almost every single aob moment across 8 episodes and i've been working on this for 5 hours - some gifs are crunchy because i had to lower the quality to capture everything i want to address)

to preface, so much of aob isn't in what he says - you actually gain so much more to learn from aob about what he doesn't say and observing his body language and facial expressions closely. aob tells his entire story with his body, because that's how he's grown used to communicating.

episode 1 🌸

we see here aob is genuinely baffled by the behavior of teena and soong. he's used to the environment of playboyy where clients are just paychecks and there's game of cat and mouse and as a result no need for any sort of emotions or emotional manipulation. he's simply providing a service and doing a job. he doesn't have to lure and romance, his clients come to him. the idea of getting emotions involved is completely foreign to him.

episode 2 🌸

we're brought to a flashback almost immediately in episode 2 that raises a lot of questions but also shows us quite a bit. as aob walks up the stairs he moves as if he owns the place, with the utmost confidence. as he ascends we see security treat him with respect and offer wai's in passing - almost as if he is someone in charge here. this shows us what a big deal aob is among the club, how respected he is even as far as the security is concerned. i think it's a very interesting detail that helps back up aob's arrogance and confidence, because why would he be anything else?

the following conversation with the other workers is a bit confusing to me and as far as i recall we don't have all the answers to the questions it raises just yet. we do learn aob is the one that taught jump, teena, and soong during their time at playboyy. he asks them what they're going to do for a living if they're leaving and i think this conveys the idea that aob isn't as heartless as he appears. he worries for them and wonders how they'll take care of themselves if they leave.

teena makes a comment about the boss going too far but i'm not sure if we know what he means by that yet? i had actually completely forgotten about this encounter until i went back to grab screens. i want to comment on this part more but it's not really the point, i'm just really curious what the fuck they're talking about here as they seem to insinuate they've been forced to work here and even aob is surprised by that. this leads me to believe that aob might be a bigger part of the plot later on, perhaps in uncovering whatever was meant by these comments.

episode 4 🌸

i think this is the moment aob really lost favor with so much of the fandom and i do understand why, however, there's a lot that happens here that's very interesting to observe.

"Don't say 'true love' and 'soulmate.'"

i have to wonder why these were the first words aob brings up as soong laments his situation. no one said those words, aob, but you sure did.

teena then talks to soong about what he's heard and tells him he should be responsible for first's feelings in all of this to which aob makes the above expression. aob hates the discussion of feelings, believes emotions need to be removed from the equation entirely, and is baffled by the way his friends are acting about people that should be nothing more than clients and believes any form of relationship impossible.

"Try being in love." "What, stupid love?"

something about this makes me believe that aob doesn't know what love is, not real love. he dismisses it as stupid and scoffs while the others almost roll their eyes at him. it's easy for aob to give the advice he does when he doesn't have love burning a hole in his chest the way they do, he's never felt it before, doesn't know how all consuming it is.

and then as first confronts soong the camera pans from teena to aob and i find his expression very interesting. that doesn't look like a man removed of emotions. to me, that looks like a man that has just had his world tilted on it's axis and is now questioning everything he's ever told himself. he sees first's tears and the way soong stands still and listens as first falls apart. i think that moment truly startled him and drove home that the emotions between the boys and their 'clients' are very real.

episode 5 🌸

alright, episode 5 is a lot so i'm sorry for the absolute wall of gifs and texts coming for this single episode.

"Time to work, Puen."

aob meets puen on the stage and immediately his face falls as it's not him picked first but puen. later, aob walks into the back where puen is smoking and immediately takes in the sight of him.

"Are you Puen?" "I am." "You're quite hot."

"Come find me later. I want to know why you're so popular."

aob wants to know who has dethroned him and why his clients are so enamored with puen. what does puen, someone completely new to the business, have to offer that he doesn't? this is also where aob begins to look at puen and from here on he will never look away.

aob speaks so very much with his eyes. you can see his gaze drop and take in all of puen here during their 'evaluation' as he asks permission before going further with him. it's obviously quite professional but i think it also shows us that aob isn't as cold as he tells people he is; or perhaps that's just where puen is concerned.

this is really where i realized that much of understanding aob is reading into what he isn't saying or what his words are hiding.

"I knew it, you aren't that great."

but he is, because aob can't look away from him.

"...You attract clients that want to try new things. Once they are bored of you they'll dump you."

you're attracted to me and want to try something with me, but once you're bored you'll leave me.

"Why don't you teach me? I want to be like you."

show me what you want from me. i want you to like me.

"I'm sorry. I can't be a teacher. I'm a prostitute. Oh. Don't be like me." Because you can never be. Loser."

i'm sorry. i can't like you. i'm a prostitute. and please don't like me because i can never like you back. don't look to me anymore.

but puen accepts that challenge.

(i forgot to watermark this one lmao, i don't care enough to go fix it)

i'm still not entirely sure what to make of this moment with prom. why does he squeeze aob's shoulder as if to offer him some kind of reassurance? why does aob shake his head just the slightest bit and suddenly look like he's going to face a firing squad? does prom know it's already too late for aob, that he's in too deep? is he trying to prepare aob for the sudden fire in puen's veins? i'm really struggling to figure it out, really. i think it could mean quite a few things or nothing at all.

"Why are you criticizing me? People might think you're jealous of me."

puen has so very clearly learned what makes aob tick. he's learned that aob's pride is also his biggest weakness and he picks at that weak point to evoke a response from him - and it works. suddenly aob is all bluster and anger, but interestingly puen doesn't back down, doesn't even flinch. instead, he has a confident smile and meets aob's eyes with a challenge burning in his own.

aob doesn't know what to do with that. you can see it in the shift of his face. this expression is very similar to the one he makes when first confronts soong - he's on the wrong foot, confused and adrift because suddenly puen is no longer the innocent doe-eyed novice but someone who is pushing back and challenging him. no one has ever challenged him before.

they meet again later in the bathroom where aob is doing some sort of display of dominance perched on a urinal. listen, that's my blorbo, but even i can't defend that. baby get down from there, you're making even more of a fool of yourself.

"Do you want to eat chicken noodles with me?"

aob rejects the invitation and puen laments that he seemed fine earlier when they were in the room together.

"What happens in the room stays in the room, Puen. You can't have feelings for the clients. They'll be strangers when they leave."

what i do in the room with you has to stay there. i can't have feelings for you. you'll become a stranger to me when you leave.

"Why do you have to act so cold and emotionless to everyone?"

and aob doesn't answer. he doesn't even get angry. there's just a quiet look of resignation on his face and he bites his lip, almost like he's nervous, almost like puen is looking at him too closely and starting to see right through him.

"Can you have feelings for your friends or brothers?"

or for me.

"You aren't my friend or my brother. You're a competitor."

because you have to be. because i can't handle any alternative. i can't love you.

episode 6 🌸

they're in the bathroom again but this time it's puen waiting for aob asking why he's been avoiding him.

"Why can't you have sex like a couple? You taught me how to feel. So practice what you preach."

why can't we have sex like a couple? you taught me to remove the feelings from it so why can't you do that?

and i think it's very interesting that for a moment aob drops his gaze and looks away. he's been caught and called out and looks away almost in submission before pulling up his guard again.

"I don't have any feelings for a kid like you. I just can't do it. You're not sexy enough."

he attacks puen's looks but this is a direct contradiction to when they first met and the first thing he said was "You're quite hot." once again aob says the opposite of what he means.

i have feelings for you, this is why i can't have sex with you like a couple. i like you far too much.

"Fine. I'll be better than you someday."

fine. i'll make you love me.

and aob can't take it any longer. he goes just outside the door and breaks down because it's all so much; his feelings for puen, puen's refusal to back down, the turmoil he finds himself in having everything he's ever known turned upside down. he was never supposed to have feelings, least of all for someone as stubborn and determined as puen who breaks down his walls and challenges him at every turn. his will is breaking down every bit as much as he is in this moment.

episode 7 🌸

this was one of the first scenes to really make me emotional in this show. throughout this entire scene aob cannot look away from puen. all of his attention is on puen to the point where he neglects the client and even pushes him away. he touches only puen, kisses only puen. he seems almost tortured by the moment, to be so close but so far from the object of his desire.

and puen looks at him with the challenge in his eyes again, almost mocking: look at me, i've surpassed you. you can't take your eyes off me. i've won.

and aob continues to watch him, his eyes almost a caress, gaze almost reverent as if he's witnessing something holy. my man is absolutely lost in the sauce.

"You have a crush on a loser like me, huh? So you couldn't help yourself."

"This is how you pay me back?" why are you doing this to me? "Do it to me, not in front of the client. What's wrong with you?" don't challenge me in front of a client. don't push me.

but puen knows he's won, he knows he's hit the nail on the head and aob, as he always does, is growing defensive. because he's scared.

"But I'm glad that I'm important to you. Like I said, I will be better than you someday. But that day came so quickly. You lost."

i'm glad you've realized i'm important to you. like i said, i would make you love me. that day came so quickly. i've won.

episode 8 🌸

i didn't get gifs of the scene but prom asks aob if he's jealous of puen's popularity. that's all he asks. but what's interesting is aob replies:

"Jealous? I don't have feelings for him."

aob... i don't think that's what prom was asking. prom asked if you were jealous of his popularity among the clients, if you were jealous that he'd taken your throne.

and puen appears to challenge aob again, blows him a kiss almost as a reminder of their previous encounter. but aob doesn't get angry, doesn't rise to the bait. if anything he looks sad, maybe contemplative, and perhaps like he's coming to terms with something.

You only appreciate the value of something when you are about to lose it. It's just so fucking awful.

Especially when you know in your heart that you are powerless.

Because he isn't your boyfriend.

The more you want to know the more painful it gets.

throughout this entire scene aob looks so sorrowful, like he knows he has to do something soon or he will lose his chance with puen. he has to try because this powerless feeling is growing to be too much.

aob is waiting for puen at the bottom of the stairs and if you look he's bouncing his leg in a nervous tick. when puen rounds the corning his face is immediately in some semblance of a smile which is something we really haven't seen from aob. it gives the impression that he worked himself up to this moment despite how nervous he is. (his shirt is also very wrinkled, were you in a rush?)

"How are you going to haze me today?"

and this i think drives home that puen is tiring of their game. that aob is so very close to losing puen because puen is starting to believe aob's words, believe that aob doesn't like him and only wants to harass him.

so aob takes the leap.

(and i find the handle with care on the wall particularly interesting, as both of them need to be handled with care. aob, with his unfamiliar and warring feelings, and puen with his earnest and hopeful heart.)

and as aob bridges that gap puen looks taken aback and confused because what the fuck, aob isn't soft, doesn't do things like this.

"Do you want to get chicken noodles?"

aob asks, a throwback to the day puen had asked him on a date. an acknowledgement and an apology.

i'm sorry i wasn't ready then, but i'm ready now. will you still have me?

and that's why today's episode made me cry and why i love aob so, so very much. his journey learning his feelings and learning what love feels like and what love can be isn't pretty, he fights it tooth and nail the entire way, but the smile on both their faces as he jumps on puen's back gives me so much hope that they can be good for each other and support each other.

there are still so many episodes left and maybe i'll be wearing clown make up by the end of this, maybe my hopelessly disgustingly romantic heart has misled me, maybe i've read the facial expressions and body language all wrong, but regardless of all of that aob and puen are so special to me.

#please be nice to me #my stomach is in my throat #im so scared of looking like a fool #bunn meta #playboyy #playboyy the series #aobpuen #aun warit #parm pawarate #userrain

[blood-mocha-latte]

luztoye love languages - please give me in depth thoughts

>:)

i have soooo many thoughts on this and you are about to hear them. all. im breaking my knuckles and getting into this. all Love Languages Ranked In Order Of Strength. Luztoye Version <3

5 - words of affirmation:

first, with nicknames. toye tends to swing towards more traditional nicknames (sweetheart, beautiful, etc) and uses them pretty often

he feels like he's not exactly Great with talking, so putting what he can into words through nicknames is his best way to show luz what he's thinking without him becoming overly defensive

luz is. all over the map with nicknames. he ranges from the good ol' fashioned ‘no homo’ names (buddy/pal/etc) to the most unhinged nicknames he can think of (i.e. pillowcase) to Normal Nicknames. toye literally could not gaf less

ok and i mean like look. as far as weaknesses go, i think they're p far up there on the communication scale. these motherfuckers don't talk. u know that bit in himym where robin and barney never talk about their problems and instead just Fuck. bc that's what they do

4 - receiving gifts:

look. gift giving rarely crosses their minds. not because they don't care about it, but because they genuinely just don't think of it

when two people are in the same vicinity a lot/work together/are never separated - like in the army - there isn't a lot of room for grand gestures and gift giving and the likes

they settle into giving each other small things on holidays/birthdays (cigarettes, ticket stubs, etc) but it hardly matters whether or not someone says something or gives them something

3 - quality time:

melds into the above. they spend so much time together no matter where they are (from proximity in the army to post-war living together) that everything they do is in a love language, in a way

they'd watch a lot of movies. luz is literally obsessed with funny face when it comes out and has seen the gay divorcee Too Many Times. toye's favorite is you were never lovelier, he can quote most of the scenes. yes these are all fred astaire movies shh

they're the same way with music. they don't have a lot of money after the war, and what they can save goes into a turntable and whatever vinyls they can find.

it's mostly billie holliday (obviously). but there's a lot of duke ellington in there as well, and, later on, a bunch of eartha kitt.

2 - acts of service:

luz really, really likes working with his hands. he's obsessed with fixing things, and oftentimes, it's things that weren't even broken.

when he's stressed out, he tends to tear apart whatever he can find (the sink, the fridge, etc) and then trying to put it back together

this often translates into him subconsiously doing whatever he can to 'fix' toye

he doesn't even realize that he's doing it, really. toye does, but doesn't say anything, because he knows it's how luz finds whatever equilibrium he's working with

the general rule is that luz is able to fuck around with anything of toye's except for the crutches, the leg, or the chair. everything else is fair game

it almost is a game, at this point - the best way to tell what kind of day luz is having is by looking at the state of Disarray around the apartment

toye doesn't say anything about it, and it's often put back together the next day. when it's not, he puts it back together himself

1 - physical touch:

number one for luztoye always and forever for One Million Years. they r touchy, your honor.

most of their touches are small - hands on knees/shoulders, brushing along the backs of necks, etc. they're much more reserved in public, but those stick with them

i've included it in literally every single one of my luztoye wips, but toye is definitely the type of person to be like. Crush My Soul Back Into My Body.

luz is just genuinely a touchy person, all the time, and he tends to be uber touchy with toye. like a fucking octopus.

i could go nsfw sooooo quickly but like. i shall Withold and instead just say. i have Too Many Thoughts on this

thank you sooo much for the ask bestie! i truly had the greatest time contemplating this <33

#rie answers #disastrouscanasta best asks ever tbh #luztoye #george luz #joe toye #joseph toye #band of brothers #hbo war

[e-o-n-i-a-n]

Awareness and Alignment | Energy Management | Manifestation and Divinity

What does seeing repeating numbers mean?

“Why am I seeing angel numbers 11:11, 222, 333, 444, 555 frequently? Is there any meaning to see these numbers?”

“I see these angel numbers constantly every single day all the time. What is they trying to tell me exactly. Do you know???”

The fact that one is seeing so many 'angel' numbers at the same time does not mean that one is deeply connected to one's 'spirit guides' or 'angels', or such beings or entities are communicating with one frequently.

Distorted knowledge suggests that these numbers could be guiding or comforting messages from the universe, or it's the universe’s way of confirming that one is on a path of spiritual enlightenment and/or awakening. These are simply lies though.

One — should not trust in such (hu)manmade concepts — aka “signs from the universe” and all that fancy jazz. 

'Angels' and 'spirit guides' don't send “signs” to human beings.

The Infinite Intelligence/Creator/Creation doesn't work like this. Man, however, likes comfort, shortcuts, minimal effort, flattery, and a very little or no responsibility.

One must remember that numerology/angel numbers/spirit guides/twin flames/soul mates/spirituality/time/religions/nonduality/higher-self/consciousness/enlightenment/law of attraction/law of assumption/starseeds etc., etc., etc., — are human made concepts i.e., labels, which built-up from words, words which create our false reality;

but most importantly: one can, and thus, must be able to use their level and ability of awareness/discernment, and with that, a higher frequency vibrational field, — aka 'angels' or 'spirit guides' — GOODness never interferes.

One's higher frequency awareness field = one's SOUL (aka, the higher-self), however, is able to do so:

the SOUL/one's core/True Self is a pure, loving awareness field so, can guide one, "raise" the alarm, or sooth/balance out anxiety/fear with wisdom = intelligence and love.

The SOUL projects its awareness into multiple beings under numerous avatars, (multiple yous in parallel lives — there might be several hundred entities projected by your soul) across multiple dimensions and lives; — therefore, when one's connected to their SOUL, one is actually guided/advised by themselves based on profound insights from a higher level awareness.

A higher/greater level of awareness is when one is able to access to their accumulated knowledge/wisdom built-up over 'time'.

It's often called an “altered state” — which is a result of fine-tuned energy management that can be manifested through a purified body, including a purified mind and heart.

The crutch you never needed.

Many can experience — either via their gift or devoted practice — hearing the “chatter” of different creatures in the quantum, aka akashic reading. Now, whether one 'hears' the whispers of higher beings such as angels, or deceased entities, or trickster spirits that is depending on one's awareness level.

There are many entities specifically that are connected with one throughout the field of cognitive/earth matrix. There are literally tens of thousands of these entities that are connected simultaneously with human beings.

Released memory materials of variously evolved entities and beings are hardly genuine/REAL,* thus not beneficial to living beings coping in the 3D material awareness. Some “experts” may say otherwise; it doesn't make it true, though.

*Memory fields/frequency energy units are contaminated by one's mind's fear, the cognitive, conditioning, and biases; even if one has lost their body in this realm, i.e., died, even if that happened a very long time ago; these memory units/data in frequency form still linger on and thus are available and 'readable' as energetic records in the quantum/akashic fields.

How Psychics, Mediums, Clairvoyants, Tarot readers etc., actually choose to interpret their messages and experiences depends entirely on their level of development, i.e., the evolvement of their souls, their perceptional awareness, background and upbringing, and filters: fears, biases and existing beliefs.

For instance, seeing the Akashic fields as a library: this visual arises in one who values education, or is a lifelong learner, or loves reading and/or books, or the love of books was modelled by their family, or by someone who they were looked up to, or their SOUL/BEING has a history in the educational, academic, or literary fields, etc., etc.

The mind creates familiarity, a cognitive shorthand to make processing easier for the experience of an inner inquiry.

Similarly, in case of NDEs — the mind/ego focuses on one's own survival and is able to hide in the subconscious, therefore, experiences will be filtered: softened or modulated by the ego/mind to avoid feelings of inconvenience/pain/embarrassment/shame, but accumulate pleasure and enhancement instead.

Numerous NDEs accounts describe Jesus as the divine figure they met.

Why?

Because:

a., it's a deeply ingrained belief in one that stems from family, tribal, community, cultural values — it is not necessary for one to be a believer/Christian “to meet Jesus” during an NDE. One can even see/carry themselves as an atheist or can be indifferent towards religions ➛ ego is in subconscious, too.

b., the person has a history, parallel or previous lives, where they follow/followed, or knew/was introduced to/got familiar with/affected by Christianity/the story of Jesus.

“Padded” knowledge, (aka shortcuts/“help”/“guidance”) — advisory activity from so called 'angels' and 'spirit guides' either via business offerings or other scheme, is just a deliberate way to control another individual because, clarity on one's path, or guidance on one's purpose/mission/gifts are never made known/revealed to a third party (such as mediums or intuitive readers) only to the one, (who's the seeker), — each being is unique (as in unique in unimportant ways for the false/illusory-self/ego) on their unique path, and each being is a channel as Source's energy flows through all of us.

By default/design, information on one's fate and destiny always remains confidential. One's being is an enigma to another, therefore, no one has the truth or deep insights about another being's dealings.

However, as the data of personal experiences can relate to more than one, (relatability + energetic connectedness), with concepts such as 'angel numbers' and 'spirit guides', or 'channeled messages' it's easy for an observant pattern reader to manipulate and exploit the fearful and gullible.

On another note, posing as an interpreter for “spirits” can get quite a bit of attention/idolization/worship and pride for one('s ego).

A spiritual “help/advice/guidance” received from another one hinders the seeker from developing a greater level of perceptional awareness and discernment (so one will remain caught up in karma); one, who takes counsel or seeks reassurance either from soothsayers, channellers, card readers, or discarnated spirits or other various entities of the quantum field, — dismisses their own abilities.

By turning to a 'spiritual mediator,' or a 'spiritual advisor', or a discarnated entity/spirit in the 'external,' — one ultimately rejects her/himself, thus the SELF/I AM/REAL.

The IS-ness, aka I AM/ Source/GOD/All That IS does not live inside of all of us, and if one does not conceive of or believe in their own divinity, how are they going to make the leap into the next levels?

Greater perceptional awareness (i.e., an evolved being with a higher density perceptional awareness, e.g., 5th density and above) recognizes and understands that no one has the purpose/task/mission/dharma, but most importantly, the capability to advise or teach another on their lessons, or on the development of their 'spiritual path', inner being/inner world that is just:

• an ego's misinterpretation/projection based on lack of awareness (i.e., fear): I need advice from others in order to thrive/advice is needed for others because they are helpless/suffering; or

• an ego card for superiority or control: I know it better/I am better.

Ego thinks, it knows better, the SOUL knows it: looking for information or confirmation in the external is futile.

As always, awareness is the key that developed through the frequencies of creation: wisdom and love.

So, what does it mean when one sees repeating numbers?

It means: one is out of alignment — energetically — with the The ONE's/Most HIGH's/GOD's/One Creator's/ I AM's/Source's/ REAL's/LOVE's frequency.

Why?

When we think, thought forms/beliefs arisen within our bodies (mind and heart), in the language of physics we're creating the electrical and magnetic expression of them as waves of energy, which aren't confined to our mind and heart or limited by the physical barrier of our skin and bones. So we're creating a world/reality around us in each moment of every day through a language that has no words: through belief-waves of our conscious awareness field (body+mind+heart and — if one's able to mute/master their ego — then the soul can take the lead of those aforementioned).

The minute one is in doubt = one is in FEAR state of consciousness/conscious awareness, and when one's being in fear, one is jumping in the mind = one's thinking, desperately trying to seek security = aid/reassurance/validation/purpose/guidance/love in the external; either in the mind, or in our reality. Meanwhile, one's vibrational frequency drops and fear drags one at the lowest level of frequencies.

Due to that, all energy manifest and fear is an energy, too, the outcomes of such manifestations will always be not REAL, i.e., illusory — i.e., that is not lasting, — because FEARs are Lies, fabrications of a non-existent, illusory-self/ego/identity.

One can never find any of the REAL in the external, because the reality, our reality, created by minds, a common hallucination = a matrix projected by phantom egos, — is actually, a cognitive bias, therefore, nothing REAL can be attained/gained from the external.

Seeking guidance, validation, or protection from repeating numbers is a limiting belief: manifestation of one's fear, — and FEAR attracts the fearful.

One's responsibility is remembering one's core essence/truth so one can recognize and understand what one's doing with their energy.

One should take care of their energy. 

This is part of learning to take control of your energy.  Who is going to control your energy if you don’t?

Oddly, so many regard the 10 instructions (mispresented as the Ten Commanmends) of the Semitic Decree, aka The BIBLE / Old Testament, left behind by Annunaki Chief ENKI for his beloved ones, and for the leadership/kings,** (which tells exactly how one can fully realize their divinity on a lower, 3rd density awareness plane such as Earth,) with disdain, but seek and follow hundreds of “advice” from non-visible entities, and/or from “experts” with veiled/limited/biased perceptional awareness (i.e., one with a contaminated body/astral body, mind, or heart) on various platforms.

**The story of the Anunnaki and their arrival is told, in part, by the ‘Enuma elish’ – known as the Epic of Creation (seven tablets of Creation), with other subsequent Sumerian texts detailing their stay here on Earth.

“...when there is one who understands the energies of all Creation, and how they then may utilize those energies to make themselves a god, then they keep people in bondage, for they then seek to have control over others, in order to feel that they are a god.”

This is exactly what happened with the Anunnaki and their relationship with human beings, even though it was probably unintentional in the beginning, they ‘got off’ on the power and made themselves into gods.

— Excerpted from Where Were You Before the Tree of Life? by Peter Farley

The Enuma elish tells how a group of fifty Annunaki, “Those who from Heaven to Earth came,” landed in the Arabian Sea or the Persian Gulf under the leadership of E.A (He whose house is water), and established E. RI.DU (“House in the Faraway Built”). Ea not only gave his name to the planet Ea-rth, but also acquired another title EN.KI –“Lord of Earth.”

Enki tried to help humanity survive from the “Great Flood” that occurred approximately 11,000 years ago.

“You are doomed unless you stop fearing death. We are the ones who caused you to fear death, because we age very fast while we sojourn on Earth.”

Powerful insights about our origins and development actually exist in the early records of Atlantis, but they are hidden from us because the Nibiruans, the creator gods, realized we could be controlled if we could be made to fear.

The Anunnaki of Sumer/Nephilim came down from heaven and provided the Sumerians with the foundations to form one of the first civilizations.

The story of the Anunnaki, the Nephilim of the Bible, is clearly told in The Book of the Watchers, a collection of visionary stories set, in turn, into a larger collection called the First Book of Enoch.

— Excerpted from Where Were You Before the Tree of Life? by Peter Farley

The Bible, written after the flood, to justify Enlil, hides that he failed to drown the slave race. “The Bible was Enlil’s propaganda and indoctrination.  Enlil realized that the only way to control humanity was with absolute power, control and fear, strong-handed, dictatorial tactics.  Enlil would be their god, ruling them through intimidate, fear bloodthirsty violence.  But he rewarded them for loyalty and obedience for complying with his commands.” — Tellinger, M., Slave Species of god.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

The stories of the Bible are symbolic. They delve into our inner being and coded existence and the energies at work within our bodies.

Earth has been continuously and extensively influenced by visitors from other realms. It is interesting that the 10 instructions were compelled by ENKI considering that the Sirians/Annunaki of Sumer — and also the Atlanteans, Arcturians, Orionis etc., — all alien races who took part the colonization of this planet, — are higher density beings.

We each possess the capacity to commit the seven deadly (karmic) sins that diminish our divine essence by lowering our density, and that keeps us in the shackles of karma. Absolutely inherent within us.

“As you did, so shall it be done to you;

Your conduct shall be requited.”

— Obadiah 1:15

The only way to combat that is through individual transformation, one needs to practice a little self-control/discipline, and to begin taking responsibility for themselves, and for the planet. Freedom lies in a correct energy management.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

“Seeking guidance, validation, or protection from repeating numbers is a limiting belief: manifestation of one's fear,” 

Ways to get rid of this fear is doing something goodness/kindness without expectations, or recalling something good, a story/a mental picture, and being like a child, starting smiling/laughing at such symmetry (i.e., repeated numbers), which creates a higher frequency vibrational energies within one's energy field whenever one sees repeating numbers, then, slowly these 'angel' numbers will start to disappear.

Remember who you are. Remember your gift.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Copyright © 2024 Eonian AS

#awareness #spiritual disciplines #spirituality #nonduality #law of assumption #affirmations #shifting #loa #manifesting #consciousness #self realisation #debunking #myths #spilled thoughts #mine #god #love #altered state #5d #4d reality #scriptures #personal development #self concept #law of attraction #spirit guides #spirit guidance #holy spirit #reality shifting #void state #realisation

[jacksprostate]

Howdy jacksprostate can you give us some thoughts on the narrators father/upbringing? Im curious on how you interpret what the book/movie gave us in terms of his absent dad

Also i love ur posts btw and thank you for replying to like all of my fight club art 😭 It genuinely pushes me to make more for the community so i thank you

Howdy :)

The narrator's father is an important, ever present, and completely lacking figure in the book and movie. (Obligatory disclaimer I mostly focus on the book) Here's some things I've been thinking about:

The chapter detailing fight club, its start, its rules, is intertwined with fatherhood. As the narrator explains his first punch with Tyler, as he looks upon his new disciples, as Tyler reads out the rules:

"Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer. 

Tyler never knew his father. 

Maybe self-destruction is the answer."

"Me, I knew my dad for about six years, but I don't remember anything. My dad, he starts a new family in a new town about every six years. This isn't so much like a family as it's like he sets up a franchise. 

What you see at fight club is a generation of men raised by women."

You have the lines, Tyler’s in the movie, the narrator’s in the book, you have:

"My father never went to college so it was really important I go to college. 

After college, I called him long distance and said, now what? 

My dad didn't know. 

When I got a job and turned twenty-five, long distance, I said, now what? My dad didn't know, so he said, get married. 

I'm a thirty-year-old boy, and I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer I need."

You have:

"Tyler was fighting his father. 

Maybe we didn't need a father to complete ourselves. There's nothing personal about who you fight in fight club." 

And you have his boss; his boss he blows up, Tyler constantly tells the narrator how he could do it, Tyler’s words come out against his boss about how he could shoot up the office, begging to be punished, using the copy machines, begging for more than nothingness; you have:

“The problem is, I sort of liked my boss.

If you’re male and you’re Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And sometimes you find your father in your career.

Except Tyler didn’t like my boss.”

You have: 

“I am Joe’s Broken Heart because Tyler’s dumped me. Because my father dumped me. Oh, I could go on and on.”

You have, Tyler’s words in the mechanic’s mouth:

“"Your father was your model for God.

…

If you’re male and you’re Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And if you never know your father, if your father bails out or dies or is never at home, what do you believe about God?

…

What you end up doing … is you spend your life searching for a father and God.

What you have to consider … is the possibility that God doesn’t like you. Could be, God hates us. This is not the worst thing that can happen."

How Tyler saw it was that getting God’s attention for being bad was better than getting no attention at all. Maybe because God’s hate was better than His indifference.

If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?

We are God’s middle children, according to Tyler Durden, with no special place in history and no special attention. 

Unless we get God’s attention, we have no hope of damnation or Redemption. 

Which is worse, hell or nothing?

Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved.”

And we have Tyler using paraffin, so the narrator can be in Heaven, chided by God.

So like, what does it all mean?

A generation of men raised by women. His dad franchises, he’s not sure if another woman is really what we need. Men with no male models. Men with shit fucking fathers who are fighting them with impersonal proxies. Men who know they're destroying themselves because they have no constructive examples to follow because every single man just fails every son.

And that IS important. It's important to note there is misogyny in the fact that men demand male idols and refuse to even borrow women, but can I condemn them for the same thing I know matters to myself? Can I condemn them for wanting to see men who aren't shit, when I want to see women who aren't shit, when I want to see both not fucking failing their children? Shit fathers fuck over everyone, I don't think it's wrong to see that problem. It's classic male to say it by implying women are lesser, so fucking classic, but it IS true — they're in large part like this because men fucking fail everyone including each other and themselves. There is a gaping, wide fucking asshole where decent men should be, and they’re throwing fits about it rather than stepping up, but I think it’s notable that the narrator DID break the cycle. He’s not franchising. 

And man, the Christian thing. Your father is your model for God because that is the point. Patriarchal religion serves a damn purpose. The father anoints himself as God, tells his children to have unbreakable faith, then disappears. What a shit fucking father. Isn’t disillusionment inevitable? When you can’t find him in his petty figures, not in your father, not in your boss?

Truth is, he says it twice. He likes his boss. As a person maybe. He’s around. But he’s absent too. He doesn’t give a shit. Just like his fucking father, he’s putting him in shit situations, telling him that’s just how it is, and expecting him to, what, be happy with it?

He likes his boss, but a part of him really wants to kill him. He likes his boss, but he begs his boss to do something, anything other than indifference. And he doesn’t. So the narrator invents his own boss, his own father, his own God, and he kills his boss, and he’d kill God and his father if they weren’t already practically dead and gone. 

Dead and gone, even if they're there, he could beg them to care and they wouldn't. Society is set up for them to be the ultimate judgement, the hallmark by which you can measure yourself, the ruler for your fucking life, especially as a guy. And you get nothing. Indifference at best. Be the best son, disciple, worker you can, your boss God father doesn't give a shit. Self improvement isn't the answer. Wouldn't it be better, to know God, your father, your boss cared enough even if it's just to hate you?

Wouldn't it be great to track him down, tell God, "I am stupid and bored and weak, but I am still your responsibility."

He externalizes all that violence, it’s always Tyler who wants to kill his boss, who says he wants to be God’s enemy. And Tyler is his stand in boss father God, so just like the others, he leaves him. Even his fantasies can’t imagine better. 

And honestly, yeah. Myself, I’ve got a pretty good dad. He loves me. He’s been around. I still hate his guts. He abuses my mom and I hate his fucking guts for it. If you asked my brothers, maybe they wouldn’t have that “but”. What he does to my mom is so baked into society that he may as well be a five star father. He’s not beating us. He’s still here. Can it really get better? I have friends that love their dads. But I don’t have any friends that love their dads that don’t have shit moms. When it’s not the choice between bad and worse. The bar is so low. What does that mean for us?

It’s so easy to point at all this and be disturbed and angry about this pathetic fucking white man letting his daddy issues result in terrorism, and like, yeah. But god, fucking everyone has daddy issues, and we shouldn’t. He’s right that it’s a problem. What to fucking do.

Fight Club sits as a “how to NOT deal with several major crippling problems in society,” obviously. But what are we doing to do? It’s not up to me, obviously. I’m not a man, father, not even someone who could raise her standards for the man she partners with, because I don’t do that shit. And hell, you raise your standards and men say you’re killing them and shoot up all the women in an engineering class because jobs are making them too uppity. So. It’s up to them, whether they decide that the fallout of having such a shit father means they should, I don’t know, change something. But as it is, father as God, boss as father is baked into society, the paternalism is extensive and everywhere. It’s baked in.

The narrator is a product of so many issues. A little clown car of a vehicle for them. I don’t really need to consciously think about what his upbringing and absent dad was like, because really, as he accurately assesses, “if his parents weren’t divorced, his father was never home, and here he’s looking at me with half my face clean shaved and half a leering bruise hidden in the dark. Blood shining on my lips. And maybe Walter’s thinking about a meatless, painfree potluck he went to last weekend or the ozone or the Earth’s desperate need to stop cruel product testing on animals, but he’s probably not.” 

Most people, on an overwhelming scale, due to how the world is damn designed, do not need to consciously think about what his upbringing and absent dad was like, because damn if it’s not relevant even if your dad was home.

#asks #fight club #i ended up letting the quotes speak for themselves a lot because I think once you put them side by side like this there's a lot you can #connect on your own #tried to ramble a little about it though yeah #also again i'm so glad you enjoy my comments and i'm glad it encourages you :) #tl;dr fight club does great at pointing out that the whole “women have daddy issues” thing is soooooo much projection #like yeah we do. everyone does. but oh my fucking god men live and die by how crippled they feel by their fathers

[thebunnycruise]

Less of a question and more of a comment, Im sorry if its in the wrong spot lol, I just had to say this. I promise it’s not a hate comment, and sorry for the length.

I have never in my life seen something that has made me feel so physically ill. I feel genuinely sick reading this, and mentally exhausted from it. I have never read anything that has ever made me want to do something about these topics so badly. I hate this comic, and feel every fiber of my body crumble that I can’t do anything to help these women. It’s such an uncomfortable and painful feeling to see such heinous acts being done to people who i know are just down on their luck and never deserved this. I hate to sound cliche, but this was the eye opener of the fucking century.

You should be proud of your work, you’re doing something that I haven’t ever seen work as effectively and as potently as this.

One question I guess; I unfortunately can’t donate, but what else could us readers do? This comic destroyed me and I’m genuinely desperate at this point to see some happy ending come out of this, and I don’t know what I can do.

Thank you for this question! And sorry for ruining your mood, I think... TL/DR: Giving a shit is free. I recall this one lady being interviewed by a local news reporter regarding her views on the homeless problem in her neighbourhood, and she said something that stuck in my mind: "The more I have to [pick up] human feces, the less empathy I have." I think that one comment really hit home why we're at this point in society. People connect with the characters on the Bunny Cruise because we see their backstories, how they got to where they are, what they've lost along the way, what they dream of for the future, and how they've suffered in trying to reach for that dream. But, even though we know the guy OD'ing on the sidewalk passed out in his own sick must have had a life, have dreams, it's not something we think of in the moment. The difference between the Cruise and real life is that the girls have each other to support them through it, but we will walk over or side-step the heroin addict on the sidewalk without a second glance. That "mentally drained" and "physically ill" feeling is the cognitive dissonance talking. It's when we're forced to confront an perspective that challenges our way of thinking, or in this case, face a fear that perhaps the only difference between us and 67, 10, the twins, or that guy on the sidewalk, is just pure luck. For a lot of us, this is something very uncomfortable, and it's much easier to put it out of our heads and move on with our lives. And politicians take advantage of this fear and apathy far too often. Famously, Mark Sutcliffe (Calling you out, asshole), the recently elected Mayor of Ottawa, campaigned on zoning land for more large, single-family homes rather than more compact, affordable housing. He called it "preserving the community and keeping it safe", but we all know what that really means by now. Or they will call for increased police spending and promise to be tougher on crime (which Sutcliffe also did). Because having bad luck or being neglected and abused by capitalism is a crime now... I think the easiest thing to do, is to just think about it, and speak up when the issue comes up. All too often, things like homeless shelters, affordable housing projects, and safe injection sites, don't get built because people don't want to think about the people living on the fringe of society. But the thing is, people with nowhere to go have to go somewhere.

I donate to a women's shelter because I've worked with women fleeing violence in the past, and it's an important cause for me. I also realize that I am in a very fortunate position to be able to pay rent and have a little left over to put toward charity work. But speaking up and spreading the word is free. The next time someone wants to veto a safe injection site project, speak up against them, ask them what millionaire real estate firm is lining their pockets. Vote for that city councilor campaigning to build shelters and affordable homes. Have a relative who says "the homeless deserve what's happening to them"? Shut them down, ruin that christmas dinner. They sound like a dick anyway.

It's not much, but I think if we can all treat our fellow humans a little better instead of kicking them to the curb, we can make a bit of a difference in the world.

#ask the bunny cruise #ask me anything

[thejewitches]

So I kinda grew up in an evangelical environment, and I'm just now able to expose myself to and learn about other religions. The only things I learned about Judaism growing up were likely very twisted to suit the teachings of the pastors. I heard a lot about "messianic Jews" (which I now know is very much not a thing) and how "a lot" of Jewish people converted because they began to believe that Jesus was the messiah (yeah it was bad, really bad)

Anyways since I'm trying to educate myself, I'm trying to not just read about other religions, but if possible, I'm trying to read the holy books of the religions as well. I talked to a Muslim friend I had at work and he told me I could read the Quran (I guess I felt weird about reading it because I wasn't looking to convert to Islam). In the same vein, could I read the Talmud to learn more? I was told that the Bible and the Talmud were the same growing up (so there was no point in reading it, according to my elders, also incorrect information). Is there a particular translation that would be better to read?

Very sorry for all the parenthetical statements I was trying to keep it brief but I have severe adhd so thoughts just come at they please. Love your blog, and I'm very happy to be learning a lot from you already, and unlearning a lot in the process, so thank you for posting resources and the like. Very appreciated.

Could I read the Talmud to learn more?

The short answer is: Reading the Talmud without knowing how or what you are reading will not give you the information you are looking for. The sentiment of reading to learn more is wonderful, but on your own without any prior learning, it is tantamount to reading a book in a language you don't speak to understand the poetry of the language better. You can do it, but you won't have the tools to decipher it in any meaningful way. If you want to learn more about Judaism, studying Talmud is definitely not the place to start.

There is something called Daf Yomi where Jews study one single page of Talmud every single day. With 2,711 pages in the Talmud, one Daf Yomi cycle takes about 7 years, 5 months--and it takes this long because studying the Talmud to understand the Talmud is not just reading a book. There are ways you can just read it, sure, but that doesn't mean you will be learning or understanding what you are reading in the way that Jews do (just as you can read a series of random words without actually comprehending what is in front of you).

If you're looking to study Talmud, have you studied Torah with Jews? Begun to understand the Jewish perspective on the Torah? How we approach our texts with a completely different eye than Christians? How the Old Testament you grew up with may look nothing like what we know and love?

If you're certain that the answer to those questions is yes, and you feel ready to start learning Talmud, see if there is a local rabbi in your area who offers a class or a seminar. Many are free. It is meant to be a community activity. But chances are, that isn't the case.

But frankly: you don't need to study Talmud to learn about Jews and Judaism. There is no need for that. The best way to learn about Judaism is always going to be listening to Jews. Listen to our conversations, hear us, and read the resources we create to share about Judaism. One of the greatest barriers that people often face is shedding the unrealized paradigm and perspective that is left from an evangelical upbringing. Challenging those perspectives is paramount.

If you feel more than a small draw to know, you can go ahead and study Torah, and maybe eventually study Talmud, but if all you want is to know more about Judaism, studying Talmud is not step one.

This is the layout of a Talmud page in Hebrew--it is much more than just a straightforward reading, especially if you want to genuinely engage with the text.

This is, of course, but the opinion of one. The Jewish community is made up of more opinions than individuals and all deserve to be heard.

#jumblr #jewish #judaism #talmud

[hannahssimblr]

For Simblr Gratitude Day!

This year, 2023 has been a really really amazing year for me creatively. I wrote over 270K words, I started and finished both parts 2 and 3 of Lucky Girl and I started Lucky Boy! When I began writing last year I really didn't see myself at this point, having written so much, having improved so much, and most importantly, having falling completely head over heels for this amazing community

Without the support and amazing feedback from so many people I would have quit a long time ago, but coming here and talking to you guys and being so incredibly inspired by other work is what really pushed me past the finish line. I want to express my gratitude for every single person who engaged with me this year, for those who liked and commented and shared and left me questions and anon asks, and even those who didn't, and just read along in silence - I see you there! You can't hide! Thank you so much.

This graph only shows my top 10, but I reached over 50 countries this year! that's pure mad.

You can see that it's the Americans and the British who really came through for me, and I'm sorry for poking gentle fun at you in my story - I know you are more than semi-automatic machine guns, UFOs & undesirable tourists, you know how it is, we're like the ignored middle child between you two and I'd be going against my cultural heritage if I didn't act up a little bit.

Most importantly I want to thank specific people today! Starting with @armoricaroyalty for making this day happen, and @daniigh0ul for coming up with the idea. I'm really excited to get to know you both much better in the new year & finally find the time to start reading your stuff - I've heard only good things.

to @sirianasims for poking me to join the writers group that has now absolutely swallowed up my free time (in a good way lmao) and for being hilarious and fun and just generally a gorgeous, open and supportive person. I've been reading Siri's story lately and I INSIST you check it out - I'm on gen 3 and completely obsessed by the thought that goes into this, the complexity of the relationships and really sensitive exploration of difficult material.

to @lynzishell for always being so positive and engaged, always taking the time to leave thoughtful comments and get genuinely excited over everyone's work! I'm DUG INTO her legacy, which is still on gen 1 and it makes my day better every single time I see an update from her - and I'm not even just saying that to be nice. It's an honest to god thrill for me to get to read about her characters. I'm beyond excited for what she's going to do in the new year

@mannylikessims deserves a shout out too for writing some of the best and funniest simlit I've had the pleasure of reading in a long time. Those Villarreal kids (and Jacques, obviously) have me on the edge of my seat. I feel insatiable for this story, like, give me more, all of the time. Just shovel it into my mouth. Manny has also brought me to literal tears with her comments. It's rare enough that you meet a reader that seems to truly understand what you're trying to say in your work - like, right to the heart of it, and Manny is one of those people.

I've just recently started reading @rebouks Somnium and Forever In Between (Don't do what I did if you haven't read yet - start with Somnium) and when I say I am HOOKED I mean it. The visuals alone are enough to make me want to burst into tears with the knowledge that I will never wrangle something so beautiful from the game, but you know what, that's okay, because I can come here and sob over Becca's work instead. I'm not even halfway through and I'm already bowled over by the character development, the dialogue, the humour, everything. The only thing I wish is that I had unlimited free time and 0 commitments so I could absolutely consume this work in one sitting, but I guess savoring it is good too.. Thank you Becca for pure inspiration <3

@pixelnrd for The Langston Legacy, a decades challenge which was actually the first sims 4 legacy I ever read - I stumbled across it on my very first day on simblr and I've loved loved loved it every since. The visuals are gorgeous, the story lines are always engaging, and just about every topic under the sun has been covered now. The dedication to accuracy is really admirable, and now that we've reached the 80s I'm genuinely beginning to feel nostalgic. I always find myself wanting more. I'm so much looking forward to the 90s! (And I can't believe you've made it this far, that's an achievement and a half)

Other storytellers and creators I want to shout out are @simstrashkingdom, @bakersimmer @simmysunset @igglemouse @simsstuph - You guys have created some really great stories this year, and I so long forward to reading more!

To @nexility-sims for creating our wonderful writing group (and for pairing with me) I'm dying to start reading your work properly, because even the small bits I've read have been so beautiful.

And to everyone else in the writing group! I know I have so many stories to catch up on, and I'm very intimidated by that fact, but I know that it means that 2024 holds a lot of exciting times! I want to learn from you all and be inspired and support you, so this is the year I'm going to do it <3

#simblr gratitude day #there's so much #so many people to thank #i'm so sorry if i forgot someone i'm overwhelmed

[a-dragons-journal]

Hi, I'm kinda paranoid about this because I know kff are Bad, but I'm pretty sure my kintypes (Velociraptor and alien) are involuntary, but I'm terrified that they secretly aren't and I'm a kff without knowing and I'm harming the otherkin community without knowing. Is this possible, or have I misunderstood the issue?

Short answer: no. The literal meaning of KFF, "kin-for-fun," is calling something "kinning" when you explicitly do not identify as the thing and are just "doing it for fun" (whether "it" be roleplay or faceclaiming or whatever - as long as it's not identification). It's in the literal name of the thing - "kinning for (the purpose of having) fun." If you identify as the thing in question, it by definition cannot be KFF, no matter what else is going on.

Long answer: I want it to be clear that I mean all of this frustration in an "I am so sorry this is happening to you" way, not a "you are in any way at fault for this" way, but: this is perhaps the single worst side effect of the whole KFF debacle, and I hate it, because I genuinely don't know how to fix it when I and most people I see arguing about this are already making every effort to be as clear as possible that this is not what we're talking about and we are still chronically misunderstood, and I cannot figure out how to make it any clearer because it's literally in the name of the thing. It's why we stopped using the word "kinnie" and started using "kin-for-fun," and it's STILL misunderstood.

Being unclear on whether something is really an identity or not is not KFF (otherwise literally everyone who's questioning would be).

Not being sure how voluntary or involuntary a given identity is does not make it KFF.

Identifying as something voluntarily and calling it 'kin does not make you KFF (even if you want to argue that it's not proper to call it 'kin and it should only ever be called 'linking instead, which at this point I disagree with, it's still not KFF).

Having fun with being 'kin and not taking it super seriously a lot of the time does not make you KFF.

Identifying as something "weird" or in a "weird" way - whatever that means - does not make you KFF.

If you understand the meaning of the word, and you find that it fits you, it is none of my business to tell you not to use it. The only time it becomes remotely my business is when someone clearly is working off of misinformation to begin with - ie, "oh, it just means relating to something, I don't ACTUALLY think I'm a wolf lol," which is traceably misinformation stemming from misunderstandings.

#otherkin #kin for fun #rani talks #forgive me if i sound a little frustrated #again the frustration is in no way aimed at you anon #but it's a little exhausting to have to repeat this over and over #and i can't tell if it's bc it's actually unclear or bc there's a game of internet telephone happening or bc people who are pushing - #- for the acceptance of kff as ''''valid kinning'''' are deliberately misrepresenting us to make us sound like asshole gatekeepers #or bc of the long history of actual gatekeeping in the community that leads to conflicting messages maybe. idk. #or fuck it maybe there actually ARE people out there pushing this in a significant way #fuck knows i haven't seen 'em but i'm not god. they could be out there #that's not true. i've seen em. i've seen like three of them. it's not a significant number. #it does not correlate to the number of asks along the lines of this one that i get #asked and answered #anonymous

[blaacknoir]

*cracks knuckles* Here we go. Homelander and DID.

Opening Notes

If you have any questions about systems, this post, my system specifically, or if you just want to know every single thought I have ever had about Homelander and Mirrorlander in general, shoot me an ask!

Notes on Systems

A body that has more than one person in it is a system. You see this a lot in fiction. Sometimes it's fantastical, like Atem and Yugi (YGO). Sometimes it has a more realistic basis, like Kevin and his system (Split, Glass).

Systems can be split into two categories: Endogenic, meaning that the system did not form as a result of trauma. My system, the one I'm a part of, is endogenic. The members developed as the result of roleplaying and a whole bunch of autism. Systems that formed as a result of trauma are called traumagenic. Systems where the origins are sort of hazy, or are a bit of both, are called mixed origin. Some systems like this prefer the term quoigenic.

Please note that in neither of those instances did I use the word "DID."

I do not lose time as part of my system. All of us can talk to each other and share knowledge quite easily. There is no dissociation. DID requires all of these things.

Assuming that Homelander (HL) and Mirrorlander (ML) are, in fact, a system, they do not have DID. I do believe they're traumagenic--Antony Starr himself said that HL created ML as a kid to be a sort of mother/father/friend to him.

I believe that Homelander and Mirrorlander are part of the same mixed-origin system, and that they do NOT have DID.

More under the cut.

Notes on Homelander's System

We see Homelander and Mirrorlander communicating quite well, actually. It's a whole big Thing, even. We don't know what extent the mirror plays in their communication--if they need the mirror to communicate or if it just helps them communicate or if this is just how Kripke chose to show it--but they communicate clearly and easily.

I think it's also safe to assume there's no dissociative barrier between the two. When ML is talking, HL seems to be aware of time passing. There's also no mention of any "gaps" in his memory or "missing time."

We do see him dissociate, but that isn't necessarily tied to the system. Given his childhood in general, I think it's normal.

Now, why do I think he's mixed-origin instead of endogenic or traumagenic? Because HL created ML (something generally associated with endogenic systems) to deal with the trauma of being raised as a lab rat. That blurs the line a bit. Hence, mixed-origin.

Final Notes

This post is based on personal research, a small bit of headcanon, personal experience--both as a system and in system spaces--and a general love of the show. To me, one of the most compelling things about Mirrorlander is that he doesn't fall into the "evil alter/headmate" trope, something which dates back literal centuries (Jekyll and Hyde being the earliest one most people know). This is a man who was created to protect HL, and genuinely believes that he's doing his best. To me, this is a refreshing change.

S3 was a fucking shitshow, but HL/ML was amazing. I really hope we see more in the upcoming season.

#the boys #homelander #mirrorlander #vought thoughts #i'm not too sure i'm happy with how this turned out but there you go #tldr I DO NOT BELIEVE HE HAS DID

[lookbluesoup]

I've had a lot of people interacting with my post yesterday about wishing there was more fandom meta discussion and exploration of "missing moments" with... huge amounts of fear and insecurity.

And I get that it's hurtful to share stuff in a fandom space and potentially be met with silence. It's easy to feel drowned out or get overwhelmed in a big fandom. It's terrifying to be in an online space and potentially get harassed by assholes who think anyone who looks at canon differently from them are evil.

I have definitely left spaces before where one or both of those things were so prevalent that I didn't feel like it was worth it trying to be part of that community. Your feelings are valid, they're legitimate fears. But it really hurts my heart to see so many creative people be so afraid.

Based on what I've seen, I assume that many DO want a more interactive fandom experience, in spite of that anxiety.

I can't tell anyone what they should do. I can advise you that fear and insecurity usually come from the inside - from past hurts, and that understanding them and deciding you don't want to be afraid anymore, that you deserve a space and a voice, is an important step in being able to reach out and form healthy, genuine connections with people over the things that you love.

But you are the only one who can decide what's good for you. Maybe you need therapy, or a different fandom, or a different environment. Maybe you need to cut some toxic people out of your life. I'm a stranger on the internet and I'll never be able to answer that question for you.

In lieu of that, I'll share some tips that have generally helped me feel safe in fandom spaces even though I have sometimes have anxiety attacks just trying to talk to friends.

Block people. I am dead serious. This bit is extra long because of how serious I am. 1) You're deliberately putting your comfort first, and that's a good thing to practice and 2) You won't have to worry much about those people invading your space

You don't have to hate them, they don't have to be evil, you just have to decide this isn't someone who's opinions you want in your corner of fandom. If they keep posting way off base critique of your favorite character, or imply liking a ship/character is somehow evil, or are just generally negative and you feel worse after seeing their posts most of the time? Take care of yourself. Block them.

If you really don't like their takes, you can go into your settings and use the filter tool to hide posts that their username is mentioned in from your dash. You don't have to see them or deal with them. Ignorance is bliss.

This is not being mean, it's not being an asshole, it's not being insensitive.. It's telling yourself "My comfort matters." We're in a hobby space, here to enjoy ourselves. You can always unblock someone later if you want.

If someone sends you anon hate. Block anon. If you MUST reply to the ask to show your friends or get the last word in, screenshot it and post the screenshot to respond to. But click that menu beside the actual ask and block the shit out of that Anon. Afaik they'll be IP blocked, it will be much harder for them to send you additional hate. (Not impossible, but harder, and most will move on to easier targets.)

You are not "winning" by leaving them unblocked, you're not proving that you're brave or that they don't matter, you're just leaving yourself open to more abuse. Block anon hate.

Unfollow people if the content they put on your dash upsets you. You don't have to dislike them personally. You don't have to justify it. Being "mutuals" is often overemphasized on here. You can be friends, you can read their fics or send them asks and be supportive without having to see every single thing they share. Following is about curating your dash, not picking friends.

Don't post when you're angry. I know that person bashing your fav character is an idiot but do not vaguepost or call them out in a fit of rage. Take a step back, remember it's fandom and not the entire world. If the other person seems interested in discussion, you can have a good-faith talk about it, but don't go into it determined to change their mind. You're just exchanging information, and you're allowed to disagree. If they're only hating and clearly not interested in talking, then write something positive about your character instead, in your own post, and focus on maintaining a space with people who you actually like talking to.

Hopefully you're seeing that the above advice is about building a safe, manageable fandom corner for yourself, and feeling powerful enough to enforce it. That's important. You don't owe people online interaction.

Fandom acquaintances can certainly grow into strong friendships, but not everyone, or even MOST of the people in fandom, deserve to be your friend and all the social obligations that entails. It would be exhausting and stressful to do otherwise, and it's not practical.

Now for positive action!

Nurture a handful of good friendships. If you brought some to fandom with you, great. You're a book club now. Each other's main "support", who (hopefully) do genuinely enjoy talking together. Fandom at large might not always give you affirmation, but a few good friends who know you giving you that support will be much more meaningful and sincere.

Talk to people you like! Say nice things about their art, writing, or characters. Reblog from them. Show a genuine interest in talking to them and seeing their creations. I know it's scary, but if you're trying to make connections, you do have to reach out! Lots of us are scared and most of us don't hear that we matter to someone else often enough. Be the change you want to see. You may be surprised to find that opening a door allows others to come through it, too, and they'll often try to connect back.

Not everyone will reciprocate the interest, for a variety of reasons which won't usually be your fault. That's ok! If you like their stuff, keep supporting them because that's part of what keeps fandom alive, but look for friendship elsewhere. Even if it doesn't work out and you don't hit it off, you tried!

More people agree with your takes than you think. A lot of them might be scared, too, because going against fanon mainstream is intimidating. But you'll have a much harder time finding like-minded folks if you never share your takes/writing/art/etc for people to find. Putting your voice out there is an investment that might take some time to pay off, but if it makes one other person out there feel less alone and more validated, surely that's worth it?

You're allowed to change your mind. About characters, about people, about fandom, about yourself. You are not beholden forever to your first or second opinion about a topic.

#idk if this will really help anyone but i figure its worth saying #its not a catch all but its an amalgamation of stuff that helped ME when i was in the worst of my states #fandom #wyn gabs #mental health #long post #text #anxiety #depression

[syscourse-confessions]

sorry this is VERY long but i have to get it off my chest

the idea that you have to have DID/OSDD-1 to be any sort of multiple/plural really fucked us up and led us to misdiagnosing ourself. it led us to such a horrible place in life

i remember my anti-endo friends used to call us "the only good endo" before convincing us to self-dx. i didnt even consider myself endogenic but that didn't matter to them, anyone different from them was an endo. they wouldn't let any headmates other than our host speak anywhere except for their own dedicated channel, while every other system's alters could speak anywhere they wanted. a lot of us felt so isolated

we were pressured by our anti-endo friends to take on the label of an OSDD-1 system, despite us barely knowing a thing about the disorder. this is not how self-diagnosis should go, but we felt like we would never truly have their support if we didn't follow what they wanted us to do. they celebrated this decision and for a long while, we thought that we really did have this disorder

i remember when i found out that those friends had made a discord channel to talk about me and my systemhood behind my back, speculate about my trauma, try to pick apart our words to find any hint of amnesia, and liveblogged what i thought were private conversations i was having about my trauma and questioning systemhood. i felt so mortified and violated but i said nothing

they did this because they thought my headmates sounded "too genuine" to not be DID alters

the anti-endo community sent me down this deep spiral of shame and dissociation, life felt even more like walking through a thick fog. i was being told who i was/wasn't allowed to talk to. what experiences i did/didn't have. what words i was/wasn't allowed to use. if i did or said the wrong thing, it would make me a bad person, so i better have stayed in fucking line

communities that were supposed to be focused on trauma recovery always focused so heavily on making fun of and bullying endogenic systems and suicide-baiting. even back when i was anti-endo, i felt so uncomfortable with the extent it got to, but i was not allowed to speak out against it

i started to question my self-dx and the anti-endo community when, based on no evidence other than the types of headmates we had, some people we knew started to tell us that we must have been through a very severe type of abuse that we just... never did, in reality. they told us that we must have very severe amnesia (which we don't), so we can't trust what we know about our own experiences - they wanted us to trust THEM with what has happened with our life and what hasn't

i know. "not all anti-endos". but enough anti-endos to hurt me. and enough anti-endos to be present in every single online community i'd been a part of. and pro-endo spaces are far from perfect, but at least there's people actually fighting

when i started learning more about DID, OSDD (as a whole, not just -1), DDNOS, and UDD, and when i started learning more about non-DID/OSDD-1 experiences of plurality such as endogenic plurality, i shed the anti-endo label. i lost friends and my old communities, but i gained freedom and trust in myself, and i'm slowly starting to heal as i find newer communities who will accept us for who we are, as a non-DID/OSDD-1 adaptive plural

i'm sorry this is so incredibly long. i just..really needed this. i feel like my experiences were maybe not that bad or at least not bad enough but i was already in a very bad place so it all just affected us very much

💙.

💙 - Vent

DISCLAIMER: Posts may or may not reflect accurate information. More info here: https://www.tumblr.com/syscourse-confessions/728819621058232320/disclaimer-treat-posts-here-like-you-would-any

#syscourse #syscourse confessions

[foolish-sparrow]

I think your reactions are amazing! And I was hoping you could do one on Dreamcatcher reaction to their s/o think they're not good enough for them?

A/N: Thank you for the request and the compliment friend! I hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: Mentions of self-loathing, not thinking highly of yourself. Nothing too deep, I don't think

She was perfect. Devine. You thought the world of her and knew she could capture the heart of anyone she desired.

But she chose you, and sometimes you're not entirely sure why.

Absolutely stunned when you first mention this to her. Well, you didn't outright say it; more of a shy mumble, but she heard it

Doesn't actually know how to react at first, the shock is just so strong that none of her other functions seem to work

There are those thoughts, the guilty ones wondering if she hasn't been showing her love enough, hasn't been telling you how she feels

But that wasn't the case. You will always be firm on that front, but those self-deprecating thoughts can run amok sometimes. Leaving you questioning your worth

Once that is made clear between you, Jiu sees it as her personal mission to banish such thoughts away

She loved you, well and truly, because you were you

Sua actually physically jolts the first time you admit these feelings to her. The immediate "what do you mean?" Cementing that she had never seen you as someone who wasn't good enough

She treasures you. And, okay, she might not always know how to properly convey that doesn't mean it isn't true

"After all," she adds, a soft smile blending in with a teasing glint in her eyes, "you are the only person worthy of my love."

Humor is usually her go-to whenever these feelings arise, but she can and will be soft and comforting if that's what you need instead

Likes to take you places whenever it hits deep. Just the two of you

Spending time with the quiet affection helps you to relax, and her presence so close to yours will always make you feel better

Siyeon values her communication, no matter how that happens. You knew this, but encouraging the bravery to tell her you were having these kinds of thoughts was a struggle

Mainly because there was a small part of yourself fighting back. Reminding you that these feelings were not true -- that you were, in fact, more than enough to be by her side

Sometimes that voice doesn't yell loudly enough, though. And during those moments you flip flop from avoiding her and seeking out her company

But, yeah, Siyeon wasn't having it after a certain amount of time. Your words striking deep within her chest

Her first instinct will always be to bring you in closer. To have the close intimacy help soothe and comfort

It does work sometimes, but when it doesn't Siyeon is always there with an "I love you," ready and waiting

Handong quite literally malfunctions when you first admit this to her

Like, her mouth opens to say something but then no words come out and she doesn't move a single muscle. Far too unprepared for this situation

She does not know what to do. Her genuine yet slightly shaky words of, "you do know that's not true, right? I've always thought you were perfect for me."

You do know this. At least, there is a part of you that does. But Handong was just so perfect you do fail to see why she chose you out of everyone in the world

You both take this as a learning experience for your relationship. Handong finds out the ways in which you are most comforted when these thoughts arise, and you take the time to go through the emotions and find the high worth you had all along

It deepens your feelings all the more, which you didn't think was possible

Yoohyeon honest to god felt like crying when she first found out. In fact, you're pretty sure that she did have tears in her eyes

It's just.... you mean the absolute world to her. She treasures you dearly and so to find out you thought this way about yourself truly does break her heart a little bit

Does everything she can to eradicate them. Tells you she loves you every 5 minutes, takes a hold of your body and doesn't let go until they give in. Everything

Truth be told she is a little stumped on how to approach this, but she is a master of affection, and to you that is more than enough

You both take the baby steps, and, eventually, you both make it out on the other side

Love wins once again

No amount of reading could properly prepare her for how to tackle a situation such as this

Thankfully, for the pair of you, her logical side kicked in at the right time. Dami making sure that you were in a place you felt the safest with your favorite drink/blanket/movie

She would ask you to try and explain your thoughts and feelings, hoping that simply speaking them aloud may help

It did somewhat, you admit, and again you did understand that they weren't true. Dami would always be honest with you in that regard

In fact knowing that Dami would never be with someone she held no feelings for was another factor aiding the dark clouds

And she held no qualms reminding you of this, all with a tender smile and a small kiss on your forehead

Having Gahyeon as your best friend as well as the one who owns your heart actually made the process all that much easier to bare

She was, of course, absolutely heartbroken to hear that you didn't think yourself good enough for her, but the two of you managed to talk about it with relative ease

Her disposition made it easier. She had always been someone that you could find yourself talking to for hours, and having that now allowed you to go through the process of banishing the self-loathing

And so that's what the two of you did

Gahyeon mainly kept quiet, allowing you to form a thunderstorm into words, and them sometimes adding her words of adoration for you whenever she thought you needed the boost

She loved you, and after the conversation you could safely tell yourself that you more than deserved it

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