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#I don’t wanna drown myself in booze and vomit and
izzy-b-hands · 4 years
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A reader x elliot fic where elliot drowns his sorrows in alcohol on his dad's death anniversary due to the trauma.
My apologies this took a few days again; I keep intending on faster turn around but my brain doesn’t always agree on that with me! 
In any case, Drowning Together is below the cut;  I hope you enjoy this and thank you so much for the request!!
“How drunk are you right now?” 
“...six.” 
You pulled your phone from your face and gave it the same look you wanted to be giving Elliot, then put it back to your ear. “Elliot, that doesn’t make sense.” 
“Six blocks away...from home.” 
“That still doesn’t answer my question, but it answers another one I had,” you said with a shake of your head. “Stay put, I’m going to come get you.” 
“You’re rescuing me?” 
He sounded absolutely shit-faced, you could almost see his dark lashes fluttering the way they did whenever he was drunk and attempting something like charming. And you almost hated how well it worked on you. 
“Yeah, I’m rescuing you. Please don’t drink anymore, or vomit, or pass out, or die until I get there, okay?” 
He mumbled in your ear as you walked, passing by the landmarks and buildings Elliot had mentioned earlier in the ramble of a conversation, until finally.
“My hero!” 
He was in your arms, and it was so wildly unlike him that you almost pushed him away out of shock. 
“Yeah, but I didn’t have time to get my cape. That okay?” 
He grinned, and you laughed as you started to pull him in the direction of his apartment. “No more booze at your place, okay? Not tonight, at least.” 
You had meant it, but as soon as you stumbled inside with him and he handed you a small drinking glass half-full of white wine (from a bottle that had been in the back of his fridge for who knew how long, but did it really matter with wine? You didn’t know and you didn’t care), you meant it a lot less. 
“One glass,” you said as you sipped the somewhat sweet but more acidic than it should have been wine. 
“One,” Elliot agreed as he sank beside you on the couch. “In honor...no. To say fuck him. But no...he was my only friend...but...” 
Elliot paused. “He died. You aren’t supposed to be angry with dead people. I don’t think it’s allowed.” 
“Why not?” 
“‘Cause they’re dead,” Elliot’s words slurred together. “And that’s sad. It’s supposed to be sad. You’re supposed to feel bad for them.” 
“Do you feel bad for him?” 
Elliot’s hand reached for yours, and you let him hold it loosely, not pushing any contact other than what he wanted and was comfortable with. 
“Should I?” 
“You know I can’t answer that,” you replied. “I can’t even answer that for myself.” 
You let the silence sit for a moment, then sighed. “I go back and forth on it. I feel bad for them, for being dead. Then I remember, and I don’t feel bad, I think ‘thank god they’re gone.’ Then I feel bad for thinking that, because like you say, they teach you not to think that. But I don’t know that it’s actually wrong or bad.” 
Elliot nodded, and drained his glass of wine. “I’m grabbing more. You want some?” 
You finished your glass, nodded, and handed it to Elliot. 
He seemed so small, so tired, so weary as he stood at the counter, draining the last of the wine into your glasses in equal amounts. 
He returned and slumped beside you as he handed you your glass. “So what do we do?” 
“I don’t know,” you admitted. “I don’t think there’s an easy answer. I think you just gotta feel however you feel about it in the moment, and accept that it’s probably gonna change from time to time. Depending on where you are mentally, and like emotionally and shit, you know?” 
You laughed and sipped the wine, wincing at the acidity, stronger than the last glass. “But I don’t know. You know how it is, you parrot what the therapist tells you and you try and make some of it work and make sense, so you can think about anything else for a little while and imagine what it would be like if it all had never happened.” 
He nodded. “Can I kiss you?” 
“You don’t have to ask every time, but thank you for it this time,” you replied. “Just a kiss. We’re too drunk for anything else.” 
“You aren’t drunk,” Elliot whispered as he set his glass on the coffee table and moved close to you. He took your glass from your hand and set it beside his, then carefully cupped your jaw in his hands as he kissed you.
“No, but it wouldn’t take much more,” you admitted. “I missed lunch today at work.” 
“Missed it?” Elliot asked with a raised brow.
“We’re dealing with your trauma tonight,” you teased. “Save mine for tomorrow.” 
“Fair enough,” he sighed, and moved with you as you lay back on the couch and pulled him with. “Can I tell you how I feel about him? Right now, I mean, like you were saying?” 
“Of course,” you hummed, and let his head rest against your chest, knowing your heart was beating fast from the wine, his weight on yours, the lack of food in your stomach. 
“I think...in one way, I miss him. He was my dad. He was my friend, sometimes.” 
“But?” 
“But, what he did to me...” Elliot’s voice trailed off for a moment, and his hand reached for yours that was dropped off of the side of the couch. “I can’t forgive that.” 
“You shouldn’t,” you said. 
“And I hate him for that. I hate him more than I think I’ve hated anyone,” he said coldly.
You nodded. You hated Elliot’s father too for what he had done. 
“But then he’s dead, and we’re supposed to pity the dead or some shit,” Elliot continued. “They don’t have any bullshit to worry about, I don’t get why they get all the pity.” 
“I think we’re supposed to enjoy the bullshit while we’re here,” you said carefully. “But I also think it’s supposed to be like...just the bullshit of deciding what to eat every day. Or what clothes to wear. Not like...struggling to find a purpose, or dealing with huge trauma like this, and addiction and things like that.” 
“And those of us like you and me, who have all that other bullshit to deal with?” Elliot asked. “No pity for us? For the days like this, anniversaries that make me wanna rip my fucking skin off?” 
“I don’t think it’s that clear cut,” you sighed. “Life is more grey area than anything else, with certain things. There’s pity for people like us, but you know America...bootstraps and all that.” 
“And if we can’t pull ourselves up?” 
“I don’t think anyone can without help,” you answered. “So I’ll help you, and you help me, and we’ll trade tips with what our therapists tell us.” 
Elliot laughed, but it had a bitter tinge. “Not much else we can do.” 
“Not really,” you said. “But I got you, and you got me, and every now and again we got left over wine to help kill it inside until we learn how to cope with it some other way.” 
Elliot just sighed, and you rested your free hand on his back, rubbing gently through his hoodie. 
“Still drunk?” you asked after a half hour. 
“Don’t know,” he muttered. “I should let you go home.” 
“I could stay,” you said, when really you wanted to ask if he would let you stay. For his sake and yours. 
“We can order pizza,” Elliot mumbled. “You need to eat.” 
You nodded. “And something to drink with it. Non-alcoholic, or we’ll feel dead by tomorrow.” 
He kissed your collar bone gently, and moved off of you to find his phone and place the order. He didn’t have to ask your favorites on food anymore, he’d learned them by now. Or hacked you and found it out that way, you didn’t really care what way he’d discovered it truthfully. 
In any case, it would be good food and drink and company, for a night where he wouldn’t sleep while his mind and memories haunted him, and you wouldn’t sleep due to your worry for him and thoughts of your own trauma tripped up and awakened as you talked him through his. 
As you waited for the food, sat upright on the couch again, he stripped off his hoodie and set it around your shoulders. He always noticed when you were cold, without you saying a word. 
You gestured for him to lay down, head in your lap just the way you loved, so you could play with his hair and make him feel safe. 
The cold of the night had seeped into your bones, and you wished you could use it to freeze this moment. For both of you, to make every hard night and painful anniversary to follow easier to get through. A reminder that even the worst nights could have good moments. 
And your stomach growled, but you willed the doorbell not to ring. 
Not yet. Not until you had a few more moments of this little bubble of safety with him. 
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dreamwritesimagines · 6 years
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Don’t You Love Me? 7 - Haunted Heart [Steve Rogers x Reader]
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A.N.: Your feedback makes me so happy, so please keep it coming! kisses! <3
Characters: Steve Rogers x Reader, Tony Stark x Pepper Potts, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff.
Warnings: Drinking, mentions of addiction, self destructive behavior, cussing, explicit language, mentions of sex.
Summary: Beginnings of friendships never go smooth.
Word Count: 2425
Read Chapter 1 here!
Read Chapter 2 here!
Read Chapter 3 here!
Read Chapter 4 here!
Read Chapter 5 here!
Read Chapter 6 here! 
The beautiful moodboard is made by fictionwillneverdie
Gif’s not mine!
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“So let me get this straight,” Jake said as you rolled your eyes and looked down at your glass, barely noticing the last customer leaving the bar. It was almost empty now, with couple of people working at the bar, him, and you. You thought you would be kicked out by now, if it weren’t for Jake who was now leaning on his elbows on the counter, looking at you. “You like my childhood hero, right?”
You took a sip, trying to see through the dizziness, “Like him? What’re we, in high school?”
“And your solution to this problem is to…hook him up with someone.”
“His Star Spangled ass will be out of my reach, yeah.”
“And you downed a bottle of whiskey because he actually might be hooking up with someone.”
You looked up, trying to keep your eyes open. “Mm hm. Sounds about right.”
Jake thought for a second, “I’ll never understand women, will I?”
“Feeling is mutual dude.”
“How is this mutual?” Jake asked, “You like him but you went ahead and told him you’d set him up with someone-“
“What was I supposed to say?”
“I don’t know, what did you tell me? I think it was along the lines, Dude, wanna come by my place so that we can hook up? Which-” Jake pointed at you, “Now that I know you were imagining him the whole time, it’s kind of rude.”
“I said nothing about imagining him!”
“Your eyes were closed whole time.”
“That’s a habit.” You scoffed, “Besides, it was a one night stand. What did you want, a fucking sonnet?”
“I mean it’s cool,” Jake shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal “I was also imagining him so it’s fine.”
You tried not to laugh and sipped your drink again, “Jesus, what time is it?”
“4 in the morning.”
“I gotta go, I’ll uh-“ You checked the time, “I’ll probably have a meeting in like 4 hours.”
“You’re hammered, Y/N.”
“I’m fine, I’m used to it.”
“Someone should take you home, hand me the phone.”
You pulled your phone back, “Fuck off.”
Jake stared at you, then shook his head slightly, “Fine then, I’m taking you home.”
“No offense but after tonight my libido isn’t exactly in a good place Jake-“
“Y/N no offense, but you sound really complicated and I don’t do complicated,” he retorted and you made a face.
“What’s with men and being brutally honest tonight?”
“Call it your bad influence,” he said as you grabbed your purse and stumbled as soon as you stood up due to the whole bar spinning around you. Jake rushed to help and you shoved him slightly.
“I’m fine, I just need a cigarette.” You muttered as you walked out of the bar but the minute you stepped foot outside, you doubled up and threw up.
“Freaking whiskey…” you mumbled as you wiped your mouth, then started walking with Jake following you suit.
                                              *
You woke up to a splitting headache which made you groan like a freaking zombie and bury your head into a pillow.
“Morning sunshine.”
You opened an eye to see the source of the voice. Jake was playing with his phone by the couch- which was drowned by multiple items of clothing on it- in your bedroom and you held onto your head, then you sat up.
“The fuck are you doing here?”
“Making sure you don’t die- what’s the wifi password?”
You rubbed your eyes, messing up your eye makeup even more, “Jake-“
“Oh look at that, you look like a raccoon.”
You pulled open your drawer and took the painkillers, and downed them with the old bottle of water on the floor. “What’re you doing here?”
He looked up from his phone, “Do you know how many people die from alcohol overdose every year?”
You scoffed, waving a hand dismissively, “I appreciate the sentiment.”
“That’s an actual thing, Y/N.”
“Man-“
“People choke in their own vomit-“
You made a face, “Please stop.”
“Yeah. Not so badass now?”
You rolled your eyes and laid back, rubbing your temples, “What, you were up all night?”
“I’m usually up all night every night. I sleep in the mornings; call it a side effect of my job.”
“How do I get a job like that?”
“Be very attractive and don’t drink your own booze?”
“Yeah, it’s not for me.” You yawned and kicked off the covers to walk to the bathroom “I’ll know it if you snoop around!”
“Yeah yeah…” he mumbled, still playing with his phone and you closed the bathroom door behind you, then doubled up over the toilet, the bile burning your throat. You tried to breathe through it and cussed under your breath and straightened your back, rolling your shoulders. You brushed your teeth and got rid of your make up, and left the bathroom, still wiping at your face with the towel.
“Okay, what’s your deal?”
“There’s this meme-“
“Not that, genius.” You leaned against the doorframe, “Why are you being all….friendly?”
Jake raised his brows, “Um- I don’t know how to answer that.”
“We fucked once-“
“Technically twice.”
You raised your brows, “Fine, technically twice-”
“And it was good.”
“Good for you maybe.” You stated and Jake rolled his eyes, pressing a hand over his heart.
“Who hurt you like this?” he joked and the smile on your face faded for a second before you pulled yourself together.
“Anyway-“ you started but were cut off when someone knocked on your door. You frowned, your heartbeat speeding up in a second.
“Expecting someone?”
“No.” You mumbled and grabbed your stun gun from the drawer, then walked to the door and swung it open, then your eyes widened.
“Steve?”
“Hi,” he looked nervous for some reason, and licked his lips before he cleared his throat, “I was worried about you after last night and Pepper was kind enough to give me your address, is it- is it okay?”
You felt a smile pulling at your lips and leaned against the door, “Wouldn’t know Cap, what would my neighbors think?”
Steve checked around and smiled as he got the joke, then he crossed his arms and took a step back,
“Well I won’t come inside.”
“Obviously.”
“Because you know, for your… uh- it wouldn’t be good for your reputation after all.”
“Yeah. Me as a single gal. People would talk.”
“And we don’t want that.”
“I’d be ruined.” You said before you burst into a laughter, “Jesus, you’re something else…”
“Y/N?” you heard Jake’s voice and you hissed in a breath before looking over your shoulder. Jake had already got into his jacket and he shot Steve a small smile.
“Captain America sir,” he nodded at him, “I’m a- I’m a big fan.”
Steve’s expression was absolutely unreadable before he shot him a tight smile, “Thank you.”
“I- uh… I should go.” Jake looked at you, “Call me?”
“Nope.”
“Text?”
“Nah.”
“Send a fucking pigeon?”
“Oh yeah, that works.” You nodded before you smirked, “Hey, and- thanks Jake. For…you know.”
“No problem.” Jake said, “Have a nice day. Nice to meet you again, sir.”
Steve nodded silently as Jake walked past you, then got into the elevator. You clicked your tongue.
“Awkward…” You mumbled and looked up at him, “Could I… I think I ran out of coffee- can I buy you some coffee?”
“No no, I just wanted to see whether you were okay or not-“
“Dude, I’m buying you coffee.” You cut him off, “You’re being way too sweet and me and the 21st century are not used to it- In fact…” You trailed off and Steve raised his brows, as if humoring you.
“Hm?”
“Wanna call in sick and skip work?”
                                            *
“You’re not serious.”
“I’m deadly serious.” You tugged at his arm while he stood still, not moving an inch and you had to remind yourself not to hurt yourself while trying to  move him, “Fuck’s sake Rogers, are you rooted to the ground?”
“Y/N-“
“It’ll be like- I don’t know, it’ll be creepy but it’ll be fun!”
Steve sipped his coffee and looked at the building as if it had personally offended him while you leaned on your hip.
“Rogers!”
“I mean…” he shook his head, “I don’t know.”
You turned your glances to the museum, and your eyes skimmed the billboard that announced the opening of the new Captain America exhibit. You chuckled to yourself and Steve shot you a look.
“You’re having way too much fun with this.”
“Fuck yeah I’m having way too much fun, and if you can’t see the irony…” You licked your lips, “Okay, I’m gonna say something I normally don’t say.”
“Okay.”
“You ready?”
“Yeah.”
You pursed your lips for a second, then heaved a sigh, “Please?”
Steve eyed you up and down and narrowed his eyes slightly, as if he was mad at himself for falling for it, but in the end, he just sipped his coffee again and turned to look at the building.
“I’m getting myself a hat.”
You grinned, “I’m getting you a hat. Come on.”
Half an hour and a small discussion about which hat you would get later, you and Steve finally walked into the exhibit. Steve lowered his head and you bumped your shoulder with his as a group of people passed by you.
“No one looks at anyone here, relax,” You said, “Besides, what are the chances the great Captain America would step a foot into a museum about himself? That would be egoistical.”
He shot you a look, making your smile wider before you reached into your bag and grabbed a fistful of bean candies. You offered it to him, and he raised his brows.
“It’s not allowed in here.”
You popped a candy into your mouth and turned your eyes to the closest screen, “Steve Rogers always stood up for what was right even before the serum, even if it meant going against some rules-“
“I’m pretty sure Bucky helped this thing,” Steve nodded at the screen before taking some of the candy into his palm, “On second thought, maybe not. It would flash I told you to stop starting fights, Steve with neon letters if he did.”
You chuckled, “Hey, look at you with your- teammates?”
“Howling Commandos.” Steve nodded, “Best men I’ve ever known.”
“And um- oh shit, sorry…” You trailed off, looking at the gorgeous woman smiling at the camera.
Peggy Carter.
You bit on your lip, your eyes skimming the lines on the list of her awards and honours. It was more than obvious that she was both beauty and brains, it was no wonder why Steve had fallen for her. She looked like a woman ahead of her time, and you were sure anyone around her would be mesmerized by her, considering you already were, even by looking at her on the screen.
“It’s fine.” Steve’s voice snapped you out of it and you tried to pull yourself together.
“So um… Sharon huh?”
Steve stole a look at you, “Jake, huh?”
You clicked your tongue “Well played.”
“Thank you.” he smiled as Bucky’s picture appeared on the screen and you chewed on the candy, trying to decide whether to push the issue or not.
“But you know, Jake isn’t-“ You cleared your throat, “I mean… Sharon looked really- interested in you.”
“Did she?”
At that point, you decided to ask Bucky whether Steve played poker back in the forties or not, because that was a poker face if you saw one.
“Yeah and- and um- how about you?”
“Me?”
“Yeah, like…does she- does she float your boat?”
Steve raised his brows, “I’m sorry?”
“You know, do you want to…” You trailed off, “Bow chicka wow wow?”
“Y/N I sometimes feel like I need a dictionary-”
“Do you like her like that?” You exploded and a group of girls giggled as they passed by you. You shut your eyes for a second.
“Hey, you know what? Ignore me- ignore my prying ass, it’s none of my-“
“Where did they find that?” Steve got distracted for a second and you followed his gaze to look at a sketch reflected on the screen. You looked at the explanation and tried to pull yourself together.
“Found in your tent.” You pointed at the writing and all of a sudden, the events of last night rushed to you. You could feel your cheeks burn for some reason but you tried to play it cool.
“So um-“ You coughed, “You still draw? Or…anything?”
This time, he was the one who averted his glances. “Sometimes.”
“What do you draw?”
“Oh you know…” he shrugged, and a tinge of pink caressed his cheeks while he stubbornly stared at the screen, “Stuff-”
“Dear visitors, there will be a short movie screening about Captain America and Avengers, and their heroic actions in half an hour.” You heard the guide say “If you’d like to see, you can get your tickets from the register.”
You bit on your lip hard, trying not to smile.
“Y/N, no.”
“Y/N yes!” You nodded, “Come on Cap! Let’s see your heroic actions!”
Steve groaned, but this time he let you pull at his arm to steer you to the register but as soon as you got the tickets, your phone beeped with a text. You frowned, and looked down at the screen, and the minute you did, you held your breath.
There was a picture of Steve and you just now, at the entrance of the museum and under it, there was a text.
Not nice, sunshine.
You could feel the goosebumps rising on your arm and you rushed to the exit with Steve following you suit. You reached the entrance and pushed people out of your way, then went outside, standing exactly where you did in the picture and looked around.
No one.
Fuck. How had you become so unobservant?
“Y/N, what happened?” Steve asked, “You okay?”
You tried to catch your breath and ignore the adrenaline pulsing through your veins, that dreaded nickname echoing in your ears and took a deep breath, trying to pull yourself together before you turned the phone in your hand to keep him from seeing the screen.
“Y-yeah.” You nodded, “I just- nevermind.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” You nodded again, and looked up at him. He was frowning deeply and a part of you just wanted to reach out and smooth the skin between his brows, but you managed to control yourself and took a deep breath.
“Really. Nevermind, Steve. Let’s go back inside.”
Chapter 8 is here! 
  Special thanks go to:  @theskytraveler @asongofmarvelanddc @radgaljazz  @girlwhoisfearless @fictionwillneverdie @lilywoood @marss-anonymous @icameforthefanfiction @pandalandalopalis @evolutionofkatep @reallyconfusednow @fandomcrazie@latibulemark @aikeji@optimisticheartyouth@fangirlbookworm@samwinchxtr@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked  @iamthemaskhewears@sasunarushiita@whatiswrongwithpeople @mischievous-fairy @agent-smoak @allison-rosewood-maximoff @petrashappyplace@swtltlmrvlgrl@itsyaboyo @imalittlebean @hey-garrett-shut-up @barnesrogersvstheworld@ruffdog921 @hogwarts-and-houseplants @go-crybaby @danielhowellstolemycamera @zabeth716 @imaginecrushes @miss-jen-winter @attorneyl @missmidnightxo@renesmeeharelds , @sippinpeachtea@skeletoresinthebasement@birdandrose @dark-princesse@local-space-ace @marauderskeeper@bva14@thatprofessionalfangirl@broken-piecesyourwittywitch@yasssssvictoria @dreamsofcaliforniaadventure @hista-girl @im-only-slightly-psycho @meashy-moo@themessthatismymindsoulsofstarsliveinyourveins @nininstinct  @charlie1987me @imyxtay @dans-les-details @evanstar @owhatshername1 @thewhinersoldier  @raiymaj@shallowshawn @im-beautifully-sewn @bvilla0 , @flaboyance @minuialeth75 @not--even-a-real--fan @superwolfchild-fan @nerdgirljen @prancingdestiel @dollbitxhes @avengemebuckyy @projectxhappiness @sonarsyndor @musical-whovian and lovely anons! Without you, I wouldn’t be able to write this, you’re amazing! <3
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