#I don’t think I’m alone in this experience | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

punkpandapatrixk · 2 days

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❣️How Abnormal Are You in Love? ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

Don’t be too hard on yourself with this PAC. Everybody in this world’s pretty much abnormal anyway. We all want something that’s extremely rare in this world: Love. Sometimes, we go crazy after mistaking shit for Love. But we all heal. Eventually, we all learn to love more healthily and sanely. And really, that’s all that matters. The crazy is also part of the character development~♥︎

☆♪°・.

‘Hey, actually, when was it that I began to realise that there’s no such thing as forever? Even so, I’m prouder than anybody else about the fact that the days we spent together were at least not a lie.

Even though it’s true that the length of time we have lived is only slightly different, just the fact that we met, that we loved, though we may never love each other again… I won’t forget.

Hey, why do I still want you by my side, thinking that I won’t do without you, even though this is hurting me so much? Even so, I became a person who could be grateful for the smallest things in life. It’s because, even the most casual of words were so meaningful between us.

Because we met, because we loved, though we may never love each other again…I’ll be fine with turning all of it into proof that I’ll survive, whilst facing all of truth and reality.

I’m just glad that we met. I’m just glad that we loved. Though we may never see each other again… I won’t forget.’

☆♪°・.

Those are words from Ayumi Hamasaki’s legendary song, LOVE ~Destiny~. At some point in Life, Ayumi said in an interview, ‘I loved one man so much that I destroyed myself.’ I can’t help but think this song could be about…it? Maybe hahah Just a vibe, gals~♡

SONG: LOVE ~Destiny~ by Hamasaki Ayumi

MOVIE: Snakes and Earrings (2008)

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 3]

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – What I Can’t Let Go Of, Really, Is My Pride…

VIBE: kiss by Chara

what is, Love? – 4 of Swords

Well, it seems quite obvious your past was somewhat chaotic. I think throughout childhood you felt like you were crossing a battlefield or had to fight the stormy seas all by yourself. Because of this, you deeply crave a Love that can put an end to all of those noises. In fact, it’s only fitting. Deep down you’ve always known that Love is something that’s pure, sweet and gentle; that it’s supposed to put you at ease. You understand that the world is in chaos because nobody has Love in their hearts.

You, never wanted to be like those grownups who were fighting with their own spouses. Even if you’re young, you feel like an Old Soul—the only one who seems to truly understand what Love is and is not. And you see that 99% of people literally don’t know what Love is, let alone how to love right. And you’re afraid. What if you can’t find that one person who can love you right?

Deep in your subconscious, you have these standards and ideals you desperately want to maintain. But nobody you’ve ever met seems to understand where you’re coming from. What you want is something so pure. People are rarely pure of heart, so nobody gets it. And it feels incredibly lonely. And at some point, you might’ve begun to doubt if your standards are even fair…

why do you chase, Love? – King of Wands Rx

So you grew up a bit and began to wonder what might happen if you lower your standards…a bit? You want to experience passion, right? You’re seeing all these peers around you kissing and holding each other and you crave that, too. You know very well it’s not like they’re in love—they’re just silly, infatuated, hormonal fuckers; but you wonder how it would feel to be intimate with someone. To actually have someone want you like that. To be wanted. To be held. To be kissed. To be…loved. No matter how shallowly.

Now you’re willing to look for someone passionate. You could try with a puzzling character. You like that kinda shit. Any kind of an intriguing fucker with some semblance of a mystery; making you curious to dive deep into their side of crazy. How do I figure out your particular brand of bullshit? Anybody you can’t immediately figure out would excite you to a point of insanity. And you thought this was happiness. You thought, this level of excitement surely must be happiness. Perhaps…even Love? Otherwise…

How do you explain this feeling that suddenly strikes, rattling your heartstrings, making you realise that there’s somebody in this world you’d want to care for other than yourself? Just the idea that you even fantasise about growing older with this mysterious fucker… How is this not, Love? And if this isn’t Love…what is? How else are people supposed to know happiness if this excitement alone isn’t enough?

what happens when Love, dies? – 8 of Cups Rx

To begin with, you’re not one to trust easily. It takes a lot for you to allow someone to see your vulnerable side. And when you go in, you go all in. It may not feel like it immediately because you’re cautious, but once you’re in…because you feel sure of someone…you’re in deep. Too deep it feels like you’re drowning in this whole situation, if anything. And you’re proud of how much you’re able to give.

And…you’re generally proud of your boundaries and the standards and ideals you’ve imposed upon yourself and others. So, the fact that you’ve given so much, revealed so much to someone who wouldn’t be there for life, is beyond frustrating. It’s world-shattering, at least. What have I been in this situationship/relationship for if it ain’t gonna last?!?! I can’t just let it die like that! Maybe I’m doing something wrong?! I must’ve! Lest none of this would’ve happened…

When Love dies, it feels so shameful. It’s a shame you trusted the wrong fucker. It’s a shame someone was able to see you that vulnerable. It’s disgusting that you thought this was The One. What was I thinking? Now everything becomes clear. It’s not the loss of that person’s Love you’re crying about. If you’re being honest now, you couldn’t care less that such a loser’s gone from your world. If anything, it’s such a relief. It was just the shock from knowing you made a mistake that made you cry… It’s OK now.

MY HEART, MY PRIDE🔻💜

sacrifices I’d made – Green Magus (John Magus)

I’m glad I was able to love – Priestess of Ambition

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – I Can’t Tell If I’m Passionate or Just Immature

VIBE: Boys & Girls by Hamasaki Ayumi

what is, Love? – Ace of Pentacles Rx

To begin with, you’re not exactly a rational person. Not saying you’re dumb! You just have a lot of passion for something that’s unexpected or foreign. You like mysteries and you aren’t afraid to dip your toe in uncharted waters. This desire could’ve developed from having a childhood that felt constricted tho. I think you grew up surrounded by so many rules and laws and forbidden things and that’s how you developed a taste for, DANGER~

It’s exciting, from time to time, to think about throwing all your caution to the wind and breaking all rules. You want to disappoint. If you’re being honest, you’re damn tired of following everybody’s whims and concerning yourself with their expectations. What about what I want?? You want to live. You want to feel alive. There are so many exciting things outside of your everyday Life, why can’t you have any of that? At some point, you could’ve dreamt of being rescued from your Tower by a handsome daredevil of any kind of a fucker.

If that fucker happens to be handsome and rich, even better. But that doesn’t really matter. You just want someone brave enough to approach you and actually uproot you from your boring Life. Surely, Love can do that to a person…? I don’t need stability, let alone predictability; what I want is a romantic hero who’ll take me on a grand adventure of Love! And if that daredevil happens to be dumb…

why do you chase, Love? – 9 of Swords

In many ways, you’re totally not an innocent person. You want to hurt. If whoever daredevil tries to fulfil your fantasies of being rescued from your miserable Tower happens to be dumb, you’re gonna be having a field trip! XD You want to terrorise and traumatise a person, really. It’s vengeance for all the years that you were serving others. Now, it’s your time to be served. It doesn’t even matter if they don’t worship you. You’re ready to find another dumbfuck to toy with. You’re hardly ever sincere anyway~

Why bother with sincerity? Ever since you were a kid, you’ve observed that none of the adults you knew was ever sincere. What even is Love? I think you know of it conceptually. But what exactly is its purpose? What exactly is so good about it? And how? How exactly must one be in order to attain it? You don’t believe in it some days. You deeply crave it some days. You could die for it some days. You want others to die for your Love most days.

Life is confusing. Love is confusing. Sex is easy. Money is easy. Food and jewelleries are easy. Let’s live easily. Life is exhausting if you think too much about everything that could go wrong. I’m done feeling terrible about my own existence, so I want someone to spin me around and make me forget. That’s ideal. Is generally your motto when chasing… Love♡

what happens when Love, dies? – 8 of Wands Rx

You don’t care about it. You don’t particularly care about losing people. It’s expected. If anything, because you’re never serious with quite anybody anyway, ghosting is the best way to go about it. You’re the type to ghost, block, and you don’t even mind if you’re the one ghosted or blocked. Basically, you just don’t want any contact with someone you’ve lost interest in anyway. So that only makes it easier for you.

In many ways, I think you sometimes regret being this kind of a callous person. There are days you wonder if you’ll become someone more sincere. You’ve wondered what it would take to actually love someone. To actually be loved back. Surely that must be so nice. You want to be happy, honestly. But it feels like a distant daydream. You don’t particularly understand how two people can be happy living together. After all, you find people exhausting most of the time.

All you know is that you’ve lived with yourself for the longest time. And if you have to compromise or sacrifice anything…you’re not willing. You’ve sacrificed shit before, a looong time ago, and you got nothing back in return. You gave someone a rose and they gave you back thorns and strangled you with it. Surely that can’t be happiness. Two people who don’t know how to love can’t be happy together. Life is better lived alone.

MY HEART, MY PRIDE🔻❤️

sacrifices I’d made – Red Alchemist (John Dee)

I’m glad I was able to love – Priestess of Innocence

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Damn, Why’s Everybody Crying for Love?

VIBE: Sunglasses by Utada Hikaru

what is, Love? – 2 of Cups Rx

Uhm…you’re a comical Pile for sure. Your psychology is so complex, although it’s also super straightforward (to you), but some people are not gonna have an easy time figuring out if you’re sincere or not. Most of us have got a lot of exposure to tragical romance, right? A lot of people get deep and insane in Love. And here you are wondering why everybody’s crying for Love. Why is everybody suffering in the name of Love? That’s not Love. People are silly for falling continuously for the wrong people. It’s all a Game for them. Me? I don’t play games.

But you do! Everybody does when it comes to falling in Love, to various extents. That’s what’s really fun about falling in Love. If you could face yourself, you’d realise you have a bit of a God-complex within this context. In the sense that…because Love and romance actually aren’t such a big deal to you, and somehow, you have an almost all-too-natural inclination to attract the right people, you can’t really empathise with those who cry in the name of Love.

For some though, if the above doesn’t really resonate, you’re the type that has an innate understanding that you must protect yourself from falling into those tragical romantic setups. You have a highly developed sense of boundary and you keep high standards for what kind of a romantic relationship you want. You’re kinda similar to Pile 1 in this case, but you most likely haven’t experienced sacrificing your standards for, EXPERIENCE~

why do you chase, Love? – 10 of Wands

In comparison to certain types of people in the world, you’re not exactly a dreamy type. When it comes to relationships you think straight towards building a matrimony with someone. You’re a traditionalist in a sense. You’re the based kid who knows that a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship is a training ground for a marriage. You think long-term. You’re realistic like that. But the problem is…you’re totally missing out on the passion of Love itself.

You don’t really see your partner(s) for the person—the Human—that they are. You care only for the practical, pragmatic facts surrounding their reputation or status or whether or not their physical appearance is decent enough. Stuff like that. And the dreamy ones who look at you, look at you with a pang of sadness in their chest, for although you seem responsible and blessed…you appear to them as someone who looks at another with an eye of business.

You’re the type that thinks love is an investment. An investment of attention, affection, time and money, and all that shit. That’s not Love; that’s something to be exchanged at the market. The dating market, OMG~

‘Freedom and love go together. Love is not a reaction. If I love you because you love me, that is mere trade, a thing to be bought in the market; it is not love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something—and it is only such love that can know freedom.’ – Jiddu Krishnamurti

what happens when Love, dies? – 6 of Pentacles

When Love dies, you celebrate. You’re wise enough to know that Life doesn’t end just because you broke up with somebody, even in terms of friendship. You’re spiritually mature enough to know you’ve learnt from the experience, and now, you’re just going to prepare for the next big thing to experience. Life goes on without a hitch like that for you, for the most part. I can’t tell if you’re really that spiritually mature or you just don’t give a fuck about emotions LMAO

Not saying you’re a bad person, btw. It just seems like you haven’t got a lot of crazy in your birth chart or that you haven’t experienced a lot of sorrows and soul-shattering heartbreaks, so…it’s kinda just a matter of not having, PERSPECTIVE? Coupled with the fact that you take Life very unseriously seriously…? Like, you’re serious about not being an asshole and wanting to do the socially right thing, but in doing so, you become an annoying insincere jackass in the lives of those who have (or will) dated you XDD

Basically, you’re not the type to get super crazy heartbroken when a relationship ends. You’ve got all of these other blessings anyway. Why would you focus on just the negative, right? In a sense, I believe that’s an incredible spiritual maturity which others are still struggling to figure out XD But yeah…rather than this being something abnormal about you, I think it’s just that your Higher Self designed for you not to experience the dramatic highs and lows of immature romance HAHAH

MY HEART, MY PRIDE🔻🧡

sacrifices I’d made – Gold Alchemist (Roger Bacon)

I’m glad I was able to love – Priestess of Luck

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°��. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 3]

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bananaofswifts · 1 day

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Taylor Swift is giving fans more insight into her new album “The Tortured Poets Department,” thanks to a track-by-track experience with Amazon Music.

Fans can now listen to the album — which shattered streaming records after its release on April 19 — along with commentary from Swift breaking down the meaning of each track. To listen to “The Tortured Poets Department” with Swift’s commentary, fans can simply say to Alexa, “I’m a member of ‘The Tortured Poets Department.'”

Through the experience, Swift has revealed the inspiration behind songs including “Fortnight” with Post Malone, “Clara Bow,” “Florida!!!” with Florence + the Machine, “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?” and “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys.”

“‘Fortnight’ is a song that exhibits a lot of the common themes that run throughout this album. One of which being fatalism — longing, pining away, lost dreams,” Swift said of the album’s opening song. “I think that it’s a very fatalistic album in that there are lots of very dramatic lines about life or death. ‘I love you, it’s ruining my life.’ These are very hyperbolic, dramatic things to say. It’s that kind of album.”

Of “Clara Bow,” named after the silent film actress, Swift said the track is “a commentary on what I’ve seen in the industry that I’ve been in over time.”

“I used to sit in record labels trying to get a record deal when I was a little kid. And they’d say, ‘you know, you remind us of’ and then they’d name an artist, and then they’d kind of say something disparaging about her, ‘but you’re this, you’re so much better in this way or that way.’ And that’s how we teach women to see themselves, as like you could be the new replacement for this woman who’s done something great before you,” she said. “I picked women who have done great things in the past and have been these architypes of greatness in the entertainment industry. Clara Bow was the first ‘it girl.’ Stevie Nicks is an icon and an incredible example for anyone who wants to write songs and make music.”

“Florida!!!” featuring Florence + the Machine is one of the rare songs on the album that doesn’t see Swift directly speaking of a former lover. Swift said the inspiration for this track actually came from “always watching ‘Dateline.'”

“People have these crimes that they commit; where do they immediately skip town and go to? They go to Florida,” the singer added. “They try to reinvent themselves, have a new identity, blend in. I think when you go through a heartbreak, there’s a part of you that thinks, ‘I want a new name. I want a new life. I don’t want anyone to know where I’ve been or know me at all.’ And so that was the jumping off point. Where would you go to reinvent yourself and blend in? Florida!”

As for “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me,” Swift revealed that she wrote the tune “alone, sitting at the piano in one of those moments when I felt bitter about just all the things we do to our artists as a society and as a culture.”

“There’s a lot about this particular concept on ‘The Tortured Poets Department,'” she added. “What do we do to our writers, and our artists, and our creatives? We put them through hell. We watch what they create, then we judge it. We love to watch artists in pain, often to the point where I think sometimes as a society we provoke that pain and we just watch what happens.”

Lastly, Swift broke down the metaphor within “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys.”

The song is about “being somebody’s favorite toy until they break you and then don’t want to play with you anymore,” she said. “Which is how a lot of us are in relationships where we are so valued by a person in the beginning, and then all of the sudden, they break us or they devalue us in their mind. We’re still clinging on to ‘No no, no. You should’ve seen them the first time they saw me. They’ll come back to that. They’ll get back to that.’”

#taylor swift #ttpd

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krahk · 2 days

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Blood for Ruin

Part One : Part Two : Part Three : Part Four : Part Five

Alastor x OFC/Reader (no use of Y/N)

18+

Part Six

(Or, Alastor, snakes, and cannibals - oh my!)

The next morning Charlie wasn’t downstairs, and Vaggie looked like something kicked her dog. The vibes of the hotel were totally off. You had tried to ask the woman what had happened when she and Charlie had their meeting, but she was too upset to talk. Angel Dust and Husk were confused about what happened as well, and it was impossible to get to Charlie, she had barricaded herself in her room.

After 3 or 4 days you finally had enough and knocked incessantly on Charlie’s door, before she finally opened the door, eyes red and horns coming out of her head slightly. She looked like she had been crying all night, eyes puffy and bloodshot. You held up a bottle of wine and two glasses, shaking them back and forth. “Hey you! I think you need a break from…whatever it is you’re doing in here.”

Charlie opened her mouth, likely to tell you to go away, but you continued quickly, “We don’t even have to talk, but I think sometimes it's good not to be alone.” Charlie hesitated, her body slightly rocking back while her eyes went up in thought, debating on what she should do. She pushed the door open and walked towards her bed and sat crisscrossed on it. You closed the door with a flick of your hips and joined the princess on her bed, passing her a glass while you fought with the cork. Once the two of you had wine poured, it took a few sips before Charlie opened up.

”Have you ever had someone you love lie to you?” You snorted at the question, before realising the hurt on the woman’s face.

“Yes, for sure yes, probably everyone I’ve ever loved. They all do. But I also lived with humans forever, and I’m sorry to break it to you but a lot of them think that little lies to save someone from a little hurt now grows into something massive that hurts a lot later. Unfortunately, you only learn not to do it from experience. Is this person who lied to you…usually a liar? Or are you confident they aren’t still lying to you?”

Her eyes became glossy with tears as she swirled her wine glass. “I don’t know. I thought I knew this person but it turns out they were lying about everything that they were. I’ve spent the last few years of my life with them and now I’m not sure any of it was real.”

Okay, she was clearly talking about Vaggie. Because everyone else was pretty much new to her life, this would have to be a delicate conversation. What on earth was she lying about? You had to tread lightly and be vague, but hopefully helpful. “Do you think they lied to hurt you? Like wanting to make sure you hurt?” You asked. Good, steady start there. Charlie thought for a second. “I don’t think so?”.

“Okay, is it a new lie or an old lie?” No thinking required, Charlie responded with “Old lie. Right away lie. Like as soon as I met them lie.” Hmm. You took a second to think about your experiences, wanting to give good advice to her, as she deserved it entirely.

“Were they scared? Like look back on your first meeting.” You tried to remember if Vaggie and Charlie had ever talked about their meeting, but all you knew for sure was that they have met around 3 years ago during extermination. Charlie released a large sigh, and a tear fell down her cheek. “I mean, probably? There was a lot going on.”

“Okay, and did they know who you were? Like, not your name, but your position, status, etcetera?” It was good the demon was opening up, her voice sounded hoarse from crying and a lack of use. You filled up Charlie’s glass which was emptied from a large gulp. “No. No idea.” You nodded at her response and met her eyes with a soft smile.

“Okay, that sounds to me that the lie first happened because they were scared. Lies grow, and lies from fear only make a person more scared. It sounds like they might have been unsure on how to tell you the truth, because whenever the time was right they didn’t want you to hurt - probably because they loved you. Love makes us complicated and stupid, Charlie. It’s one of the reasons why it doesn’t make any sense, and it’s also why it exists in all factions of life and death. You can probably thank your dad for that actually, free will has a huge part in it.”

Charlie gave you a strained smile in return, but it was clear she was still unsure. “I’m not telling you to forgive right away, but if this is the first person who has lied to you in your life so far, that’s pretty good. People obviously try to be the best version of themselves around you - they can’t help it. That’s why it’s great of you to try and do this program! Nobody wanted to let you down, you’re too pure a soul. Especially down here,” You laughed, and gave her a rib nudge with your elbow. Silence took over as the two of you finished off the bottle. Eventually Charlie started pulling at the threads on her comforter, and you took that as a sign to give her some space.

”Hey, I hope you feel a bit better, I’m just a floor away from you if you ever need to chat, or paint each other's nails…hooves,” You corrected, glancing at her feet. Charlie laughed lightly, and gave you a smile. Not quite as big as you were used to from the woman, but still brighter than when you first came in. “I’ll let you get back to moping, sometimes laying in bed crying and being sad is therapeutic. It reminds you what makes you happy. I hope this…helped?” You inquired. Charlie nodded her head and said her thanks, crawling back under her covers.

You collected the glasses and empty bottle and tiptoed out of the room, closing the door quietly as you left. When you had returned to the kitchen to put the items in the sink, you caught the last bit of whatever broadcast Alastor was on. You made tea while the instrumental song played, filling the kitchen with a comforting sound.

Alastor ended his show with a polite goodbye, your tea was steeping and you thought about the conversation you just had . You felt okay about the advice you gave Charlie, and honestly hoped it was helpful to her. With less than a month before the guaranteed extermination, everyone needed to be in their best headspace. As you tried to go out the swing door it opened abruptly, knocking your tea out of your hand, and smacking you into the nose, resulting in teary eyes and your hands covering your face as you grimaced in pain and groaned from the impact. The cup shattered on the ground and tea splattered everywhere.

Cursing, you started to look down to help with the nose bleed, and a black and red hand came into view, holding a handkerchief. You grabbed it and pressed it into your face as you slowly rose your eyes up to see Alastor standing there, matching handkerchief against his own nose. He gave a disgruntled hmm as he looked down at you. You backed up back to a stool and sat down, spinning to put your elbows on the counter to keep pressure on your face.

Alastor had simply vanished his microphone and walked over to the kettle, which was still warm. He began to fix himself a tea and held up the kettle asking silently if you needed a new cup. Politely accepting his offer, he started to make you one as well. In a moment the two of you were seated opposite one another, nursing tea and letting the pain on your face diminish.

After snapping away the mess on the floor, he had conjured some sort of newspaper and was reading it, sipping his tea politely. You held the warm cup between your hands and found yourself constantly drifting your eyes to his person. He truly was unlike anything or anyone you had ever met, there was something simply fascinating about his character. The features that once scared you for being unusual now made you linger about how wonderfully unique they were. While his smile when wide was still spooky, there were a few times you caught him with a real smile. Like when Mimzy popped in, or whenever you noticed him and Nifty speaking with one another on their own. Even now, as he read the paper, his smile was small, but seemingly genuine. Like he was just decompressing from a hard day at work.

You glanced up to his face to realise he was staring back at you. When your eyes connected a sharp jolt of shock ran through you. How long had he watched you staring at him? Hopefully just a second. Maybe you could blame disassociation and staring into the void causing the uncomfortable staring. However, where you thought would be anger, or disapproval, was just curious acknowledgment. You both openly stared at each other, and somehow it wasn’t quite as awkward as it had been in the past. It was like a mutual new discovery, both just looking to learn or understand the creature in front of you.

Suddenly the door swung open so hard it hit the wall, and Vaggie had entered, clearly on a mission the two of you watched the woman scramble some food together before leaving the kitchen in a rush. She looked just as bad as Charlie did. You turned your head to meet Alastor’s gaze once more, his eyes already fixated on you. You coughed into your hand and realised your tea had cooled down significantly. How long had you two stared at one other? You rose up and intended to say goodnight, but Alastor had reached over to grab your cup, put it in the sink and turned around with a small bow and offered his arm to you.

“Would you care for an escort madam?” You laughed at his ‘performance’ voice, accepting his offer. The two of you headed up the stairs in silence, but you were thrilled that the two of you were capable of being in a silence other than awkward. This was a huge development as far as you were concerned. He walked you to your door as you unlocked it and turned around to face him while you opened the door. As you began to say goodnight, you noticed a small blush on his face before you felt the familiar burn across your own. Did he blush first this time? Usually it was you, right? You stuttered out a thank you, dipped your head down a bit just as he had taken a small step forward, resulting in your ears brushing past his chin, causing both of you to shudder. Blushes now bright, you repeated your thanks.

“Thank you for the tea, Alastor. And the escort. A true gentleman. ”You curtseyed lightly. He nodded at your words, putting a fist to his lips to cough lightly and break the strange tension that had suddenly built up between the two of you.

“A gentleman never leaves a lady in the dark, darling. Sleep well.’’ Before stepping backwards towards his own door, turning around on his heel to go through the threshold of his own room. As you closed your own door and began your nightly routine, you went over the strange night and moments just shared with the Radio Demon. What was up with the sudden flip in behaviour? Was this a part of his payback? And if so, why did it feel like a jolt of arousal surged through you when your ears hit his chin? Was that you, or his?

And these were the thoughts that plagued you before sleep, resulting in a restless night indeed.

After a few days (and Angel nosing about) the lie had finally spread through the hotel. Vaggie was an ex-exterminator, which explained why Charlie was so burdened with grief. Terribly discovered via Adam in Heaven, right after the Seraphim’s had decided plausibility that a soul could be redeemed. It was obvious Charlie had taken it like a punch to the gut. Still, though this was a peculiar situation in general, it did not explain why Lucifer, AKA the unknown number, was calling you first thing on a weekday morning. You were in bed, still half-awake, while the obvious genetic contributor to Charlie’s speed talking and manic tangents was bombarding you with all sorts of questions about the girl. You let him get all he had to say out of him before responding, hoping everything would catch up to your brain.

”-and that’s why I’m calling you because I know girls talk canyoutellmeanythingaboutwhatisgoingon??” He expelled a large gust of air from his lungs that had clearly been building during his rant, and you waited a couple of seconds before responding groggily.

“Lemme get this straight-”

“Uh-Huh!”

“Charlie isn’t responding to you, so you’ve called your way through the hotel, but I’m the only one who answered,”

“…Yes”,

“And you’re expecting me to just break whatever trust I’ve built with her to tell you what she’s feeling?”

A pause. “Um, yeeess?” He could tell you were unimpressed with his remark, and you could imagine the face he was making through the phone. You heard a soft slap, the sound of someone hitting his own face, which was well deserved.

“Yea, sir, Mr…Morningstar Devil sir, what you’re suggesting is a huge breach of trust to someone who is trying to deal with that exact thing from another close person to her. You’re just going to have to wait until she reaches out. She probably knows you’ve called and messaged her, and that alone is enough for her to know that you care.”

Silence.

“I promise, as a girl with my own daddy issues, forcing yourself into her life is not a great idea. It’ll likely push her away because she’ll feel like you’re trying to say she can’t figure this out on her own, which is exactly what she needs to do right now. Do I make sense?”

A sigh came out, and he hummed through the phone. “Stop pouting sir, you’re a bit above that, I think.”

”Uh-pfft, ah- rude. I am not pouting!”

“Mmhmm. Sure my guy. How about, I tell you what I know she does like, and you can have it delivered to the hotel, or someone can bring it to her door, a kind gesture can go a long way. Also, it is not an invasion of privacy.”

”Ah. So perhaps I shouldn’t tell you I’m outside the hotel?”

Oh for absolute shits sake. “You’re joking, right? Ha-ha? Funny guy?” Fingers crossed, but for the king of demons you could tell he was pretty terrible at lying.

“I won’t tell you then, but maybe don’t look outside. At least for another like, 10 minutes until I’m out of sight, god what was I thinking I’m an idiot- Hey! Why don’t you just show me what she likes? Maybe I’ll see why she’s so eager to save these unfortunate souls.” He was excited now. Could one say no to the devil? Should you even ask? “I mean…I guess?” You answered hesitantly, kind of hoping he would pick up on the not so subtle tone of someone who really didn’t want to go.

”Oh good! I was worried you would say no. To the Devil. The King of Hell. Lord of the Pride Ring” Ah yes, one does in fact not say no to the devil. You groaned inwardly, allowing a soft sigh out. “I’ll be down in a second, I have to get dressed.”

“Yay!”

Slamming your room door while hopping on one foot trying to get the second shoe on your foot you came a little too close to the wall and bumped into it, making a photo on it clatter loudly. This resulted in Alastors door opening up. He took in your appearance, nice but not too nice with a simple white cotton dress featuring a modest hemline, thin straps on your shoulders and a full circle skirt that ended right above your knees.

You were finally successful in slipping on your short red boot with a white toe & heel, which just edged the outfit into something a little fancier. You stood up straight and rubbed your elbow, the main victim of your impact with the wall. You laughed, slightly embarrassed that he caught the tail end of another clumsy moment, which did nothing for the worry the two of you had with basic survival in Hell. He gestured to your person with his microphone, eyebrow raised as he questioned your attire. For one who wore all black leisure wear most days, this was obviously a ‘going out’ look.

Ah, yes. Lucifer wasn’t Husk, but surely a safe person to walk around hell with, right? “Mr. Morningstar…the King? Lucifer?” What the hell were you supposed to call him? Both of Alastors brows raised at the mention of his name but he allowed you to continue, “Mr whatever he is. He wants to get Charlie something to cheer her up. But I think the both of us can agree that he probably isn’t the best to go grab her something on a whim. He asked for my help, and I’m pretty sure ‘yes’ or ‘yes sir’ were the only two acceptable answers for the ruler of Hell.” You shrugged your shoulders, waiting for Alastors reaction.

You expected snarky comments about Lucifer, you did not expect him to grip his microphone so hard his knuckles would be white if his hands weren’t black and a sharp, thin smile of disapproval. He was easier to read when he was mad, so you picked up on this vibe immediately.

“Is that so?” His voice slightly above condescending, “And he asked our little lost Doe for help? Our newest acquisition of the hotel? Out of all of Hell in general? Peculiar!” You made a tight lipped face, frowning in return.

“Alastor, I’m the only one who answered the phone. So really, I’m the last one who picked up. Trust me, I’m not overly pleased with it but I feel like I can’t say no. He doesn’t seem the type to take it very well.”

”And if I were to say you cannot go?” He remarked, looking towards the stairs now.

”Uhh. I am…not sure? I guess tell him that you don’t want me going and let him brew why I would listen to what you wanted? Again Alastor, he doesn’t seem like the most understanding person when it comes to not going with his plans. He is the King of Hell, and ‘Lord of the Pride’ realm.” The last bit said with a bit of a lofty attitude paired with finger quotes.

Alastor was clearly processing your statement, and it was hard for him to admit you were likely correct. What a pain. Lucifer was an absolute moron, unfit to be a father, unfit to be king. But he was top dog right now, and Alastor was not. “Perhaps I will join the two of you, to ensure no distracting detours take place. I am concerned his appearance will garner unwanted attention.”

Oh, that was a good point, and you let Alastor know. You invited him to come down, grabbing an apple on the way out the door. You were squinting your eyes looking around for the King, where you spotted a very white snake wearing a top hat wrapped around the gate. He was not one for blending in, not at all.

“There you are!” The snake said, slithering to the ground to come beside you. “You certainly like to make a man wait!” Your eyes rolled, and Alastor coughed, cutting into the conversation. The snake hissed, unimpressed with his presence. “Why is he here? I thought you were helping me?”

“Look, Alastor has known Charlie longer than me, and he is interested in making sure we find the right thing for her. His knowledge on this matter is invaluable.” What the Hell was going on. Was Lucifer jealous?

“Well, I’m not happy about it, always inserting himself where he isn’t wanted!” Alastor was behind the two of you, Lucifer slithering until the three of you made it down the hill out of the hotel’s view. You looked at him and scrunched your face a bit. He was a lot to take in. Alastor was right, he would likely bring unwanted attention. “Um…sir, do you have a disguise? Charlie will probably hear on the news that Lucifer is shopping for his daughter, this would probably be best as a surprise?” Please change form, please change form, please -

Oh thank god. He changed into a black goat-man hybrid thing, goat eyes and all. You noticed his horns in their natural state were larger than Alastors, Yang the two of you made eye contact with mutual understanding. Overcompensation. You coughed out a laugh, and grumbled out any remaining chuckles at his expense. Alastor, as always, needed to get an edge in however and had no issue pointing it out. “Making up for something? Those are mighty large horns for someone who has such a fine, delicate physicality like yours.” Alastors face was filled with glee, the fire in his eyes lighting up Lucifers. They stared at each other and you could feel the static from their clashing gazes.

“Well, I don’t think you need to be concerned, I am the King of Hell, after all. I think that means I can have big horns. Big, beautiful, horns. Sorry that your horns or…er, antlers aren’t as impressive. But you make them work for you and your ridiculous ears!” Alright, that was enough now, you needed to interject this ridiculous headbutting or else it would go on forever.

“Al~right! One, I take offence to the ear remark, we didn’t have a choice. Two, whip ‘em out for the world to see so we can put a period in this pissing contest, and three, I’m starving, this apple has a worm in it because of course it does, and bet your ass I am going to be the scariest damn thing on this street unless I get food in me so let's get going.”

You had crossed your arms and tapped your little boot on the street, thankfully with a well timed growl from your stomach. Lucifer scowled and turned to stomp down the street, barely containing his hissy fit. Alastor couldn’t help but smile at your outburst, you were quite adorable when you tried to boss people around. However one thing had confused him -

“My dear, what am I to ‘whip out’?” He asked as he gestured for you to start walking, him matching your stride and sticking by your side. Oh Jesus Murphy no. He was, like, a century old. This wasn’t new slang, was it? A couple of times you had to educate him on a few newer idioms, generally funny little cute things regarding stuff that took place long after he died, but this was just…not great. “Uuuh. Hmm. How can I put this without bursting into flames?”

You pondered, tapping your chin and mentally patting yourself on the back for not having done so already, “Think about what is required for one to ‘piss’ and perhaps how that could be used to measure such a thing and compare it to perhaps another persons…thing?” Oh such a good beginning only to tank it at the end. Alastor only hmm’d at your statement, glancing at his reflection in the windows as you walked by, Lucifer still ahead of the two of you kicking stones like a toddler.

“Well, I generally do enjoy entering in contests I know I will win, however I am not interested in learning what divine punishment may come upon me for utterly destroying the Devil’s self confidence. Let us consider him lucky that I am in a charitable mood this morning.” He was looking ahead, but his smile was certainly one of the cat that got the canary. You laughed, earning a small chuckle in return, and accepted his crooked arm by weaving your own and meeting his elbow with yours.

The two of you walked behind Lucifer as he tried to order the two of you to walk faster, he was in a hurry. Alastors grip was strong, and he shook his head as you tried to pick up the pace. It wouldn’t be until later that night that in no uncertain terms, Alastor definitely had just told you he was absolutely packing down under.

Spending the morning and early afternoon babysitting Lucifer was one of the worst jobs you ever had. He was all about grand statements, shiny, expensive things. Nothing about the things he wanted to get would interest Charlie. She would certainly say thank you and accept it to not hurt his feelings, but it wouldn’t mean anything to her.

Eventually his steam wore out, and while Alastor was occupied window shopping, bored of your many questions to this royal pain in the ass. “Sir, we’ve been over this. What do you know she likes. Even if it isn’t something we can get.”

“I told you! I only remember things she liked as a kid…and even then I don’t have faith she still likes to eat crayons and cut her own hair.” He sat down on the curb, head in his hands. “I really am a bad father, aren’t I? God, how did I think this would work.” You sat down beside him, patting his back, mindlessly offering support. A group of bull demons walked by and cat-called you, resulting in you rolling your eyes and Lucifer snapping them into bugs. Ah, to have such power over douchebags would be wonderful.

“Really, I don’t know why she wants to redeem some of these people. I understand why she loves you all so much, you’re all alright for sinners. Well, most of you…” He trailed off, looking to Alastors direction. His face held disgust before you realised what he had said.

“That’s it! Oh my god, I have an idea!” You were excited at what was going to happen. “can you conjure anything?” You asked the forlorn angel.

“Pretty much, yea. Living things is a generally a no, why?” You rattled off your idea, Lucifer's eyes brightening excitedly and jumping up with joy with the prospect of creating Charlie’s gift. Why had none of you thought of him making something until now? You relayed the gift to Alastor, and even he was unable to deny the predicted success of your idea. Lucifer said he would need to workshop it, but it wouldn’t take him too long to finish it. You sent him a few things via text message before he disappeared, clearly off to work his magic. A text hit you back right after he left, where he thanked you and left a winky emoji, and a heart. The man was a menace, for sure. Alastor looked at your phone while you responded with a thumbs up and tilted your head up to your left side to meet Alastor’s gaze. He didn’t seem too pleased with the familiarity Lucifer appeared to have with you, but honestly - no way, no how. Lucifer was just…full of love, mostly. Charlie had to get it from somewhere and if her mother could ditch her so easily you doubted she got it from that side.

“I think it’ll be adorable, I’m excited to see it complete. I hope he pays attention to the pictures.” You were breaking the silence, unsure of how the rest of the day would go now that you and Alastor had been left alone. He nodded before asking you to join him to meet a friend. He said he needed to catch up with an old friend, but you might enjoy her (her?) company as well. So, having faith it was harmless, the two of you walked towards his mystery destination, enjoying each other's company, honestly.

When your face paled at the sign reading ‘Cannibal Town’, Alastor laughed at you. “Re~lax! They are perfectly polite here, they do not simply pounce and consume! They prefer one to be dead before consumption. And you, my dear, are very much alive.” He still linked arms with you and pulled you close to keep you comfortable, as some of the locals licked your lips as the two of you walked by. Finally, when the two of you approached a large gazebo in the heart of town, Alastor announced himself to the actual tallest woman you had met. Impeccably dressed, as well. Her name was Rosie, and she was hilarious. It was clear she and Alastor had a long standing friendship filled with mutual respect. The woman had the two of you served with tea and while seated, took her time grilling you with questions.

”Now Alastor, is this the little thorn in your side? The other half to your coin? She’s an absolute doll!” She clapped her hands towards you and smiled wide. Alastor confirmed her theory, and that was when you knew Rosie was to be trusted completely. If Alastor spoke such secrets with her he clearly had nothing to worry about here. It was nice to be around such generous and lively company after your past few hours with a selfish baby. Rosie ate up a large part of your afternoon right into the evening, before politely wishing you a safe trip home.

“Wonda-ful to meet you Darling! Visit me anytime, I know he’s a handful!” Rosie shouted as she waved you off, resulting in you laughing at Alastors expense. ”She’s wonderful Alastor, thank you for introducing me.” Alastor hummed in acknowledgement, nodding in confirmation to your statement. “Rosie is a safe place if your safety is ever compromised. She was here before me so we have known each other for a long while. It was no accident I wanted the two of you to meet.”

You nodded, knowing he was more concerned for his own safety than yours. You weren’t hurt by the knowledge, not really, but for some reason the thought brought your mood down. And unfortunately the two of you were getting much better at picking up on each other's moods lately, and he remarked on it, stopping to look at you with what might have been concern, but was more likely frustration. “Have I said something untowards?” He asked, politely waiting for you to answer.

“No, I was just thinking that…hopefully Lucifer does a good job on Charlie’s things. I really want it to turn out, she really deserves it.” His silence and narrowed eyes let you know he was aware you were hiding something. But it had been a wonderful day, and he allowed the urge to call you out to pass. You yawned suddenly, surprised that you could be tired even though it was still light out. “Well, we should continue my dear. I suggest we take the express!” Alastor exclaimed, grabbing you very close, hands on both sides of you, bringing you close. Then suddenly you were absorbed by his shadows and it felt as if you were sinking but being pulled out at the same time. By the time the world around you stopped moving you realised that he used his shadow magic to spit the two of you into the hallway between your hotel rooms.

Not entirely unpleasant but not really something you were looking to use as a main form of travel anytime soon. Alastor walked you the 6 steps to your door and the two of you had another minor staring contest, the silence thick, but your heartbeat pounding in your head. Or perhaps it was Alastors heartbeat, as he was still quite close to you. “I commend you on your brainchild from earlier, why I do believe it is something that even Lucifer Moriningstar can accomplish!” You opened your door and smirked at his comment.

“You better be careful, you’re essentially insulting Charlie by proxy, that is her father after all, I think we both learned how similar they can be today.” Alastors familiar laugh was followed up by radio laughter, something he only saved for what you figured was ‘true funny’. “Have a good night Alastor!” You slowly entered, holding the handle behind you as you thought about a foolish fantasy. It was so quiet, and you turned your head back around, only to meet the Radio Demons glowing eyes. Awe fuck me! You should have just walked in and shut the door like a smart person.

Alastor was suddenly right behind you, your head still turned around so sharply that you body had started to make the same turn. Alastor whispered into your ears, and it made your whole body break out in a sensual chill. “I believe you owe me something, darling.” He said in a low, breathy manner. His voice shot straight down to your core. Your jaw, opening and closing in awe, had him interrupting your thoughts once more. “A thank you would be grand, considering I was on my best behaviour!”

Holy shit were you glad he followed up his statement with what he wanted right away, because your mind went straight into the gutter”. A small mouthed ‘O’ fell on your lips and you turned your body around so you were facing him entirely now. You did a small curtsy, and said your polite and proper goodbyes. He bowed slightly before grabbing your chin and filled most of the gap, leaning in softly saying “good girl” basically right into your ear. Was that a moan, did you moan? Judging by the insane smile that filled his face, you had indeed. He backed his head up slightly to catch your eyes, and the two of you sported twin blushes and deep breathing. Somehow in the tete a tete happening between the two of you, you had grabbed the lapel of his coat while he still held your chin in place. He was so close to you it felt as if you were breathing in each other's air. You were certain it was only a moment but time felt as if it had slowed down. Your lips were just a hair apart now, and you could surely feel each other's faces burning. What was happening?

When a door down the hall clicked you both shot back from one another, Alastor wiping his hand down the front of his jacket as he walked backwards to his room, nodding a hello to Angel Dust as he stomped down the stairs. You said nothing, focusing on settling your heart rate, clutching one hand above your heart. And once again the two of you were alone, but the moment had passed. You gave him a small smile and said a quiet goodnight as you went into your room and closed the door, forcing yourself to not look back. Once the door was closed, you leaned against it, head propped against it as you looked up to the ceiling. What was happening to you?

Outside the door it sounded like Angel had returned, as a string of angry italian was being shouted in the hallways. There was a knock at your door. You opened it wide, expecting to see the tall spider demon. “Ang-“ suddenly there was a hand fisted into your hair, another wrapping around your waist, and Alastor had captured your mouth with his, enveloping you entirely.

The impact had your heart nearly explode with shock and your body surged with arousal immediately. The kiss was strong, desperate, and long. Seconds, moments, minutes -who cared. The two of you fought your lips against another, him inserting his long tongue into your mouth, gripping you tighter as he almost bent you in half, Alastor kissed you like a man possessed. You moaned into his mouth as he swallowed you whole. Your hands had come up to his collar to pull him in harder, and nothing but sucking and wet lips were heard for a moment. As quickly as it happened it ended, Alastor straightening out his jacket as he looked you over. You could imagine how tousled you looked. The overstimulation of the physical connection had the two of you breathing hard.

”Well, that certainly went a touch different than I expected,” Alastor started, licking his lips of the blood present. Had one of you bit a lip? Or bit the other's lip? Oh god, what the hell just happened. “My apologies for losing control of myself there dear, but usually a gentleman offers a lady a kiss goodnight after a night out.” He bowed to you again, his professional gentlemanly persona returned. You only nodded in agreement and he took his leave, giving a quick wave as he shut his door behind him.

Standing there for a few minutes easily you just couldn’t get over that your pussy was throbbing, and the sensation was not letting up. In fact, it felt like it was building up. Was he? Your eyes flew wide open as you slammed the door and jumped into bed, stripping your clothes off rapidly before laying under the covers and allowing the quick buildup of desire take over you. You were wet, soaked, and your hips were shifting in an attempt to add friction to the mix, but you were close enough just thinking about what the man across the hall was doing. Because of you. You finally placed your middle finger onto your clit and hissed at the contact. You were so hot with desire your hips bucked once pressure was applied. In return you could feel a second wave of buildup happening, and you moved your finger to match the pace. As you pinched one nipple to a hard nub and pulled at it you came, and you came hard. An animalistic groan escaped you as your orgasm took over, sending a shock through your system. Your body felt like it was burning from the inside out.

As your hand came to rest on the bed beside your hip, you found yourself staring up at the ceiling again. You had just had the most intense mutual masturbation orgasm with a demon. In the next room. On another level due to the blood magic the two of you were wrapped up in. You yawned, deciding it really didn’t matter at that very moment, you had eternity to focus on this strange path life had taken you on.

You bundled up in the blankets, body spent and mind exhausted, smiling as you drifted off to sleep.

____________

Remember, slow burn.

Also, I want to thank @hazelfoureyes for inspiring me to materialize my brainchild! Read her stuff, it’s honestly the best. Like, I’ve re-read it 6 times already the best. All of it.

@queermaxwooo @drawings-by-meh @sirens-and-moonflowers @looking1016 @mo-0-o @blakeaha @mutifandomkid @ministarheaven @nightingale0603 @loadedwafflefries @rizzscary @bishiglomper @vividachromatic @fluffy-koalala @mkaella @readergirlstuff @xalygatorx @midorichoco @alastorssimp @xalygatorx

#alastor #alastor smut #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel #alastor x ofc #alastorxreader #alastor x you #soulmates trope #hazbin #alastorxyou #slow burn #Alastorxofc #radio demon smut #radio demon #radio demon x reader #radio demon x you

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simplydannie · 2 days

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Hello friends!

I kinda wanted this post to be a post of encouragement.

It’s something I face every so often, and it’s something I realize that I’m not alone in. Many of you may feel this same way too:

I love writing! I love being creative! I love engaging with people and just having fun. But there are days where it gets dark for me. I start going through social media and seeing all the amazing talent out there! The stories, the drawings. Pretty soon I start comparing my work to theirs, my following to theirs.

Soon enough, I find myself in a dark pit, wanting to give everything up because my stuff isn’t as popular or have such a mass following…. I turn into my worse critic. There I days I want to call it quits because I begin to think “why am I doing this, no one cares”. I see the popularity and love others receive and dream that one day that be me… but it never is.

It just really, really eats me on the inside… and I have come to a realization that I am not the only who goes through this feeling, and I am hear to tell you that you’re not alone.

It’s okay to feel this way, we’re all only human after all. But what’s not okay is to let that negative feeling win and give up on your passion. Thankfully, I’ve had positive people influence me and council me. And I am here to do the same for you!

Don’t look at the numbers, the following. Here’s my advice: look at the few people who really love your work! The few that support you and are always encouraging you and coming back! Those are the people that keep me going! They hype me up and just get me excited for what’s to come. I greatly appreciate all my pookies (you know who you are) and everyone who just engages with my content.

Look up to these people! The ones who keep cheering you on! If you’re reading his, know that I am cheering on you! It’s better to be surrounded with the few who love and support you. Yes, trust me, there is something flattering about having tons of followers and notifications, but there’s also something poisonous about it if we’re not careful.

Take one step at a time! Eventually you’ll get there! Appreciate what you have right now! Experiment with your style and your content! Find what media platform works best for YOU.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT loose your sense of self by trying to copy other people. There’s nothing wrong with inspiration, but don’t loose yourself. Take it from me; someone who’s try to be someone else just to be accepted. Your style, your content is what makes you, YOU.

You’re not alone in this feeling, okay? There are days where we can all feel it. I just want to let you know that. I just want to spread what little encouragement I can that has kept me going and hopes that it keeps you going as well.

You’re doing great!

Love,

dannie

#encouraging words #daily encouragement #writing #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #artists on tumblr #writing encouragement #words of encouragement #wordsofwisdom #inspiration #inspiring others #writers and poets #writer stuff #writer things #beginner artist

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dayangaytransman · 2 days

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Warnings: Transphobia, sexism, misandry, bad therapist and Bear dudes ( jokingly)

In my country, there are no gender therapists, and the psychologists not only refuse to help with transitioning, but also, due to the laws and other issues, often persuade individuals against transitioning.

It was two years ago, and my mother was worried about me. She thought I was mentally ill because I wanted to be a boy. So, she decided to take me to a therapist/psychologist. I’m not sure which one that person was. Anyway.

It was my first time visiting any kind of therapist. I was very nervous. However, because my mom had told me that the therapist, an old cis woman, had experience working with transgender individuals, I wasn’t worried about it. I was mistaken.

So we went to her office and sat down. She asked my mother to leave, and then we were alone.

She was trying to be kind at first. This is a little bit of our conversation:

- Hi, what should I call you? What gender are you?

Me, living in a binary society, dressing as a boy, acting like a boy, and my mother just told her that I want to be a boy : Just call me Dayan, and I am a boy.

Then she asked questions because she was not sure what that meant.

I told her: But they said you have worked with trans people before

She said: No, not really. It was just one person and not even like you. (That was a trans woman.)

Yeah, she told people she is trans-friendly to make money. Anyway, we talked more, and then, suddenly, she got angry.

She said: Why do you want to be a man?! Men are ugly! They are as hairy as gorillas! They smell bad! They are always horny! They are rapists! They are garbage!

I was in shock. I had never heard that shit before, and she was a fucking therapist! I thought therapists were smart! What the hell was that?! She hates all men?!

I am gay, and at the time, I had a crush on a bear dude (he is my BF now), and the things she said made me so angry and upset.

Also, don’t worry, ma’am, I am not going to transition into your husband!

Do you think she was a queen herself? No! She was an ugly old lady who doesn’t know how to dress!

After she said that, I became the therapist! That woman certainly needs one. I told her not to hate all men and that hairy, horny dudes are okay. But if they smell bad and rape people, that’s not okay. I taught her to be respectful and also educated her about trans and non-binary individuals. I was talking for about 3 hours!

Seriously, I was the therapist. Then the lady told my mother that I am okay and not mentally ill. Yes, that’s obvious, bitch. And she took an amount of money equivalent to three days of my mother’s work from us for just three hours. Sure, she did help a little, but it was me acting as a therapist for her the entire time!

I am worried about her male clients and the men in her life. Also, what are you going to tell your transfeminine clients? To not be like you,bitch?

#lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #transgender #transmasc #trans man #trans #transguy #therapist #bad therapy #misandry #sexism #gay bear #this is my real life #she was a bitch

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pit-and-the-pen · 4 hours

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Azriel NSFW alphabet

Literally just Azriel brain rot. Buckle in

NSFW below the cut (18+ minors don’t interact)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I’m a firm believer that this man is the biggest cuddler after sex. He will fully wrap you in his arms and wings and just hold you close to him. He’ll give you sweet kisses on your forehead and the top of your head, humming as he does.

If anything is particularly rough (Which I am a firm believer in dom Azriel) he’ll draw you a bath and smooth out any sore muscles with his hands.

Basically this dude knows what it’s like to be left alone and would rather die than make you feel like that after being intimate

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On him, like any good Iilyrian baby, it’s his wings. Besides the normal ego the wings normally come with, he’s able to look at them and see all the good they’ve done. Proof of how far he’s come in life. He’d learn how to fly, become one of the top Iilyrian warriors and had an amazing family. Looking at his wings, the same wings he shares with his brothers, he can’t help but feel his pride stir.

On you, everyone always goes back and forth on boobs or ass but are missing the best option. Thighs. Azriel adores your thighs. Something about the soft feeling of them under his hands instantly comforts him. And not only in a sexual way (although he has pushed your thighs tighter around his head on multiple occasions) but comforting like a cat kneading on a blanket. He loves using them as a pillow, you playing with his hair as you talk about your different days or you both reading a book. He loves your thighs no matter the size, the stretch marks, he loves every inch of them

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

I feel like all the fae males cum a ton. Probably left over from centuries of breeding being the most important thing, but Azriel takes the cake. For sake of not having to find something to clean up the sheer amount, he’s almost always coming inside of you. And even then it’s still enough that it runs out of you, something that normally is enough to make you both want round two.

I also feel like if he’s in one of his more dominant moods that once he does cum inside you he’ll use his finger to push it back in, mouth parted as he sees just the sheer amount that pools onto the sheets

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I feel like you and Azriel would be pretty open with each other. He doesn’t want to hide things from you and he wouldn’t want you too either

That being said, I do think he likes you being dominant more than he would ever let you know. The way the tone of your voice drops slightly, the way you tease him is enough to drive him crazy. You always seem to know when he needs it too. There's not one particular thing he could point out to say he loved but you doming him is something he enjoys a lot when it happens.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

This man is quiet but that doesn’t mean that he hasn’t had plenty of experience. I mean, look at this man. Tell me you wouldn’t have to fight off both males and females when the mating bond first snapped. This man fully knows what he’s doing and I firmly believe his spymaster skills make him perfect at learning exactly what you need to make you into a complete whining mess.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He loves when you ride him. Something about feeling your thighs spread out on top of him and having full access to your chest and throat just does something for him.

I also live and die by Azriel having a breeding kink so I think he would love having you in a mating press. Your legs perched up on his shoulders as he presses so deep into you you can’t do anything but scream his name. He would still be free to pepper kisses all over your neck and face and he can feel how deep his cum is pumped into you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

He is pretty serious overall. It’s that dom persona but sometimes when you try a new position or play and something twists the way it's not supposed to or your bodies just make the noises bodies do, you’re both laughing and giggling. On slower nights you two can make jokes but overall it’s pretty serious because the love you two have for each other runs so deeply.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I think he keeps it trimmed. He defo has a happy trail that you love to kiss down. But he doesn’t really care about what’s going on down there, especially when it comes to you. As long as he can get between your legs, he doesn’t care how much or how little hair you have. And I think his hair is a little lighter but not by much.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Azriel can be tooth rotting sweet when he wants to be. I’m talking rose petals and candles, full body massage. He would pull out all the stops when it comes to spoiling you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When he’s away on missions he would try. Some errant thought of you would cross his mind and since he has a hard time sleeping on missions, he would try to rub one out but it never feels the same so he doesn’t really bother with it. He has you and you’re more than happy to help him whenever he has one of his random moments of need rushing through him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Restrains- He loves holding your wrists down, whether it’s with his own hands wrapped around your wrists pinned above you heads, or his shadows holding down all of your limbs as he absolutely worships your body, something about seeing you desperately trying to reach out and touch him makes him go feral.

Wing Play- At first you both were very tentative for you to touch his wings. He’s so proud of them and despite the fact that you’re mates, it felt too intimate. But after much begging on his part, you finally did and gods. His usual perfect timing was fully broken the first time. He came in his pants like a teenager and spent the rest of the night absolutely worshiping you. From then on, if you ever wanted to have him on his knees, you would just run a nail softly along the membranes and he would be a whimpering mess for you.

Brat Tamer- This male would love it when you talk back to him. The way you would puff up your chest, staring up at him trying your best to be intimidating. He would just coo at you and whisper something about keeping up that attitude later in the bedroom. And of course the moment the door closed to your shared bedroom, you would be apologizing for your words. Maybe if he’s feeling nice, he’ll let you off but if he’s not. You would definitely be limping around the next day.

Breeding kink- He would love to fill you up. As much as he adores seeing his cum on various parts of your body. Theres nothing he loves more than seeing it drip out of you, fucking it back into you with his fingers or his tongue.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He prefers your bedroom truthfully. The two of you have made it so comfortable, bits and pieces of the both of you filled the space. The way your smell mixed with his lingers around puts him instantly at ease.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

For real, you could just look at this man and he would be hard as a rock. Seeing you sparing with Cassian would also be a sure fire way to get him going. Or if you are trying to get him really riled up, placing your hand on someones arm as you’re talking to them would have him literally picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder to remind you exactly who you belong to.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No temperature play of any kind, no ice or fire. Fire/wax for obvious reasons but cold/ ice because it reminds him of the winters at the war camp and those memories are not something he wants to imagine when he’s having sex.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

This man will eat you out like he has been stranded in the desert for a hundred years. He cannot get enough of you. He’ll hold down your hips, shadows holding your arms down. Absolute filthy noises would be spilling out of his mouth as he lapped you up. You would literally have to pull him away by his hair and his face would be covered in your arousal. He could go down on you for hours if you would let him and he would still probably whine as you pulled him away.

That being said, this man does love a good blow job. I think he would have two moods. One where he’s just letting you explore, tongue lapping at him and he’d let you set your own pace. Just taking everything you would give him. Now. On nights where you have done nothing but tease him. Strap in because this man will (consensually) push you down to your knees with your hands tied behind you back and use your throat like it was a damn fleshlight. He would keep going until spit was trailing down your chin, eyes glassy with tears. When he finally did cum he would make you hold it on your tongue before telling you to swallow, sticking out your tongue afterwards to show him that you were a good girl and listened to him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

This man is the best of both worlds. Depending on both of your moods it can be soft and slow or wall shakingly rough. Sometimes he’ll being going slow and you’ll push his hips to make him pound into you and the little bit of control he’ll have snaps and before you know it, he’s flipping you over and fucking you hard enough to have you seeing stars. But on nights when both of you need to show your love to each other, he’s simply just grinding into you. Hitting that perfect spot inside of you and I love you’s are spilling past both of your lips unhurried.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He’s not totally against them. When the mating bond first snapped all you had to do was look at him the right way and he was taking you against the nearest surface. More than once during trips to the court of nightmares you two were found tucked away into corners, both in various states of undress. His shadows were particularly helpful during these moments because he could wrap you in them and make sure no one saw that the front of your dress was pulled down or how your skirt was hiked up to your waist. But for the most part, he likes taking his time with you. He wants the time to take you apart piece by piece and have you screaming and shaking beneath him.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

SJM told us this man was a freak and I firmly believe it. There’s very few things that he isn’t willing to try at least once. If he thinks it will make you happy then he’s game.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

This man could go all night if you would let him. Your stamina would give out long before he would. And he’s almost always making sure that you get off at least once but we all know there would be many many more before he would even think about his own release.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I have no idea what toys exist in this world but lets pretend the ones that exist in Crescent City are available. I think he would for sure have a vibrator. More than once he has had you tied up in your bed, vibrator strapped to your thigh and just stood at the other end of the room. You would be half delirious with the amount of orgasms the toy had pulled from you before he turned it off with a smirk at how totally fucked out you were.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

This man is the biggest tease. He knows how much you love his muscles so he would just walk around the house shirtless. Commenting on how your eyes followed him like he was a snack you wanted to devour. He would tease you for that glazed look in your eyes and how your pupils would dilate. If anyone was ever around when this happened you would blush as he slowly raised a hand to shut your slightly open jaw. Laughing softly as everyone else started to slowly leave the room because they knew what was about to happen.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Listen. For how quiet this man is around the inner circle, he would be moaning and panting into your ear. His dirty talk alone is enough to reduce you to a shaking mess. But when he’s pounding into you he’ll be cursing and roaring against you. More than once you’ve had someone pounding on the door because of how loud the two of you were being. He would only make it a point to be even louder when that did happen and when the two of you finally crawled out of your bedroom, the house would be empty.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Azriel was terrified the first time you two had sex. It’s no secret that he’s insecure when it comes to his hands and he was afraid that you would be wary to have him finger you but that fear was quickly dismissed when you begged for his fingers. Now whenever he seems to get too far into his head, all you have to do is slip one of his giant fingers into your mouth and he would snap out whatever funk he was in and he would go absolutely feral. You made the mistake of doing it at dinner with the rest of the inner circle once and everyone just stared at you two with wide eyes as Azriel just sat back further into his chair, legs spreading as he smirked with pure male satisfaction.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Our shadowslinger is hung. I think he’s at least 8 inches but he’s also thick. Like if you wrap your hand around him, your fingers just barely touch. The illyrian joke about wings is definitely true and he’s the biggest of the three males. The rest of the girls nearly fell out of their chairs when they held their hands out trying to get you to spill just how big he was. All three sisters and Mor are just sitting there like 🫸 🫷“What do you mean , keep going??? Girl are you okay???”

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Mother. This man’s sex drive is ridiculous. Despite having many partners over the years, there was a lot of time between then and he never let them be truly intimate, opting for quick fucks that were satisfying on the surface level for sure but he desperately yearned for real intimacy. So once he found you he couldn’t get enough of you and you him.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’ll always wait for you to fall asleep. And you normally fall asleep pretty quickly after he’s rung orgasm after orgasm out of you. Some nights we would just stare at you as you slept soundly besides him, wondering how he got so lucky to have you next to him.

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