#I don’t feel real | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heartcountry · 6 months

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i am forever and irrevocably changed. i will never forget this. i will never forget.

#i feel like we are shouting into a void #our governor sent out a letter saying this is a fight between good and evil and that isr**l has his full support #it feels like this world isn’t real #i don’t feel real #in the next life i hope i earn the honor to meet the martyrs

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danizmomota · 5 months

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You guys… really really seem to like my Hiro content—

#I’m noticing a pattern #I may like/obsess over #kaito momota #More often then not but Hiro seems to be the most drawn #danganronpa #yasuhiro hagakure #Oh and also #i don’t feel real #👍👍

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somewhat-very-insane · 2 months

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could someone send me something ? please ? i don’t even care if it’s nice i just need something

#i don’t feel real #if my presence is not constantly being acknowledged and encouraged there is no reason for me to exist and therefore i do not exist.#scared.#//damned to suffer #//god's words

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yellobb · 5 months

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Kinda want to disappear from everything and everyone in my life and just not exist. Delete all my social media, break my phone, torch my house, and just fucking get hit by a car or something

#m rambles #tw suicide #tw suicidal thoughts #what missing my medication for a week does to a mfer #Jesus fucking Christ #I don’t feel real #I was supposed to work today and I didn’t #I’m going to run out of PTO and I’m going to get fired and I’m going to deserve it #because I’m a shit employee and a shitty fucking person #my dishes have been sitting in my sink fermenting for a week #I haven’t texted anyone in days and if I don’t get that shit together soon my mom is going to call the cops to check up on me #it’s a miracle I even ate today #my psychiatrist is going to have a field day with me if I make it to my appointment on Tuesday #‘yeah so you know how I said I’ve been good about taking my meds and that I’ve felt great lately?’#‘that’s all gone now lol so you get to help my dumb ass figure her shit out’#because at this point I swear I’m beyond helping #nothing ever fucking works #I’m happy for maybe a couple months MAX #then all my progress gets dramatically shoved into a trash compactor #I don’t Know why i thought I would ever manage to hold down a job #I don’t Know why i thought I would be allowed to be happy #but fuck me for thinking for just a little bit that I could function like a normal fucking person #god damn it

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panicismydefaultstate · 6 months

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My grandmother died today. And nothing feels quite real. I heard my mother’s voice on the phone as I got in the car, and I sat in the front seat, keys halfway to the ignition. I hung up. And then I drove down to the the pool but I don’t remember getting there. Sunscreen a thick film over my body like the film that coated my mind, making everything feel waxy and distant. I dove into the cold water, a breathtaking cold like the chill that ran down my spine when my mother said those words.

My grandmother died today. And I swam till my lungs burned and my arms and legs felt heavy enough to sink my body down to the bottom of the pool. I swam and everytime my thoughts drifted back to that fact, I pushed harder till I was gasping. I tried not to think of how I was watching her gasping for air in her hospital bed the day before. And now she’s not breathing. But I still am. I swam for over an hour.

My grandmother died today. And I called my boyfriend to tell him but he already knew. So I didn’t have to say it. I haven’t said it. He asked me about the service. I started to say she wanted to be cremated. She wants to- and I went silent. He asked me if I was still there. I couldn’t open my mouth.

My grandmother died today. And my mother held me in her arms, and she told me how my love for my Gran meant so much to her. I had to hold my breath.

My grandmother died today. And I keep replaying yesterday at the hospital over and over. I see her lying in the bed. I can feel her frail, limp hand against mine, her hair through my fingers as I ran them through. I made sure to look her in the eye, through the haze of the drugs keeping her at peace I wanted her to see me. To know I was there. I kissed her on the forehead, and told her I loved her. She was trying to talk, but she couldn’t. I said that it was okay, I knew she loved me. That it was okay she couldn’t say it back. I remember walking away, out of the hospital room. I’m not sure if having such a strong memory is hurting or healing.

My grandmother died today. I looked at my boyfriend and realised I won’t have either of my grandmothers at my wedding.

My grandmother died today. And everything’s changed but nothing has. The sun still shines. The sun still set. My assignments still need to be done. I will still fail my first year of University in 7 days if I don’t write over 5,000 words across three assignments. I still lost my job. I lost my grandmother. My only grandmother. I haven’t cried yet. I’m scared to start. If I do I’m not sure I’ll stop. I can’t think about it.

My grandmother died today, and even though I knew it was coming, even though I spent hours at her hospital bedside over five weeks of torturous medical complications and deteriorations, even though I knew she was now in palliative care, I didn’t expect her to die.

My Grandmother is dead. She is at peace, but we are not.

#what is grief if not love persevering #griefandloss #grief journal #tw grief #life challenges #loss of a loved one #it hurts #in shock #prose #prose poetry #it hasn’t sunk in yet #nothing is real #i don’t feel real

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decease-soul · 1 year

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Mel been rotting in bed for the past 2 days, she doesn’t have energy to do anything but rather sleep through the day

#rant #maybe it’s the side effects of not taking meds #Mel still has to wait until Monday #actually mentally ill #i don’t feel like doing anything #i don’t feel real

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anakin-pilled · 8 months

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whaddup tumblr how is everyone doing <3

#im so sleep deprived #i don’t feel real #Someone talk to me pls