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cornytheclown · 11 months

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It’s late at night and I’m thinking about the villain trio from FE Fates. The one in particular that I love so much (Iago, Hans, Zola)

They’re not the most developed, especially compared to other villains in the series. Some would even say that they are mostly 2 Dimensional! And they’re correct!

But despite that, they all got this sort of unique vibe to them, and through the interpretations of their text and actions in Fates + Heroes + other media that I find them in, plus some personal headcanons, I feel like I could give a decent read on the three of them.

I’m gonna segment these out into different posts so that they’re not too long winded. Also I don’t know the word limit on Tumblr posts, I’ve never made a post this long before.

Iago

Right off the bat, it can be agreed upon by everyone in the jury today - Iago is a asshole. Not just any asshole though - but a smart ass. A smug ass smart ass. He would lord over someone about his intellect and capabilities, taking great pride in it.

He’s incredibly gifted in strategy and intelligence, one of Nohr’s best tacticians. However, he’s also incredibly paranoid and over analyzing. Almost like he’s constantly strategizing both on and off the playing field. Which, given that he’s the head advisor to the King, and having a very key role in the court, makes sense. You never wanna let your guard down in that kind of environment.

But he takes things to a whole new level. He’s paranoid and distrusting of everyone whose not King Garon. He’s the kind of guy who plans out how to kill whoever he meets. And while surely he has his formalities (natural of someone in the court like him), he looks down upon just about everyone and suspects everyone around him of suspicious behavior by almost every action they take.

He has little respect for anyone who isn’t above him in some kind of way. Peasants are as good as dead in his eyes, just simple casualties in war (even if they’re not apart of it). Hell, it wouldn’t even be surprising if he used some of them as experiments for his Faceless. Everyone else who works under him or is below him in power is simply just to control or monitor with suspicion. And anyone who steps out of line for him is as good as gone (unless stated otherwise by his King)

Honestly, he’s just such a hater, he would be more than happy just to cruelly toy with someone he was spiteful against in particular. Not the kind of guy you’d want to be on the bad side of, as he certainly seems to take glee in the misery of others.

Anyone who seems like they could overpower him or be of a higher status however (such as a King), he seems willing to follow along with. So as long as he knows they’re on his side - and unless it’s King Garon - he’s still always a step ahead in case they inevitably betray him in his mind. Or better yet - he’ll be the first to betray them.

Hence why he’s so weirdly nice to Kiran in Heroes. Because his King is now under contract with Kiran, by extension, Iago now also serves Kiran. It’s easy to forget that Kiran, in the circumstances designed by the Order, is in charge of everyone. Including Gods. It’s stated in a Forging Bonds event that they literally cannot kill each other due to the magic of their binding contract to Kiran. The same would most likely apply to being unable to harm Kiran.

So Iago is doing what he can to kiss up to Kiran and give helpful advice for strategy, as a fellow Tactician. I don’t think much of it is anymore than sweet talk and advice to improve. At least until their Lvl 40 conversation, where Kiran earns his respect. Even offering to aid them, if they so wish to do evil.

Now I keep mentioning Iago’s constant devotion to Garon. I actually have a personal headcanon that’s probably not canon but I’m going to make it my canon, because Fates is a complete mess (affectionate). There’s gonna be spoilers btw.

My theory is that Iago’s devotion actually lies within Anankos more than anyone. Who, as you know, is possessing Garon the whole damn time. I don’t think Iago lacks devotion to Garon, but his heart is for Anankos.

I actually am in the camp that believes Iago is related to Mikoto, possibly her brother. And he is from Valla. And a devoted follower of Anankos, who might be a little bit extremely bitter about him choosing Mikoto. And having a child - Corrin. The reason why he has such a vendetta against Corrin is because they are the child of Mikoto and Anankos, and given their softer, kind nature growing up, he sees a bit of her sister in them (whom he hates). And doesn’t see them fit to be Anankos’ heir because of their softer nature.

Despite his spite, he follows Anankos to the bitter end, by all of his orders given. Being too blinded to realize just how far gone his God has become due to their madness, brought about by the death of their close friend (the original King of Valla). Or possibly even not caring about morals and such, and just doing what his beloved God asks of him, regardless of consequence. Probably a mix of both.

Iago is a bitter, spiteful, manipulative snake of a man who needs to have everything masterfully under his control, and following the orders of both his King and his God. He serves the higher powers, and spits at those below him. Happily willing to let innocents die if it suits him. He will do anything if it means getting one up in a situation. He knows how to manipulate others and does so happily for his goals. He won’t hesitate to backstab almost anyone whose not above him. He’s smarmy and strategic, always planning his next move and watching everyone else’s every move to ensure that he’s always ahead of them.

There’s not much that’s very likable about him and I think he enjoys that! He wakes up every day extra early Just to be a hater. I also headcanon him to be a Theater Nerd, a lover of theatrics and literature. A classy, cultured man who brings out the same energy of a Musical Villain into his daily life.

Honestly, being the way that he is, naturally he has very few real friends. Between being sus of everyone and just being a generally nasty person, I think it’s kind of why he leans into the whole “cartoon villain” vibe. He has power over almost everyone, he’s an advisor to the King! And in the environment that he’s from, Nohr especially, as well as because of his status, it’s no wonder why he’s on edge and calculating. There’s bound to be a lot of targets on his head from those from opposing sides, or even others who would want to get ahead of him and take over.

Rather than risk something terrible to come out of putting his trust into someone, or even being anywhere near vulnerable with anyone, it’s much safer and easier to push everyone else away and become an infamously unpleasant sort. What does it matter if everyone hates you? You’re the King’s advisor! You have the power and you can control how everything goes, and you’ll always be a step ahead!

And when he’s lost that control…in the moment where he is at the mercy of the Heroes…he becomes a begging, pathetic mess! The man is a cowardly weasel! There’s a good reason why he wouldn’t scoff off Hans, and other then a mutual love of being horrible people and killing others, that’s because Hans could happily break him like a KitKat.

When you take Iago out of his element, where he’s Not ahead of the game like he thinks he is, and he’s left in a powerless state, he’s not too proud to beg for his life or flee if he can. If things are getting out of hand; he’s quick to get the hell out of dodge. Screw everyone else. And if he can’t do that, then well…best he can do is cry and beg and give fake apologies, hoping the other party won’t beat his ass.

Which is another reason why he’s most likely as nice as he is to Kiran - he’s at Kiran’s mercy! He can be sent home and back into his timeline whenever they want him gone. Best to avoid that by being a kiss ass and doing well for them.

Some other Misc. HCs about Iago:

Mentioned it before, but he’s a Theater and Literature Geek. And a terribly pretentious one at that.

The mask he wears, aside from being an aforementioned Theater Nerd, is meant to represent Anankos, and is from Valla. A bit of his golden accents are also common from there.

Being Mikoto’s twin brother, he is also Corrin and Azura’s evil uncle. Is in his mid 40’s, and despite being the same age, he looks 10 years older than Mikoto.

It was that thing of like, he felt like everyone liked his sister Mikoto more, because she was sweet and openly friendly. And when even the God he worshipped for so long favored her more, that’s where he crossed the line into pure hatred for her.

He joined the court and became Garon’s advisor not too long after Mikoto had Corrin. It was very tempting to want to kill baby Corrin, but by his King’s orders, he refrained. But he’s held contempt for them even when they were very young.

I HC him to be Gay, but I don’t think he’s devoted to anyone more than Garon and Anankos (neither one share those feelings).

With that being said, I firmly believe that he and Hans have something going on.

#fire emblem #fire emblem fates #Iago fe #FE Fates #character analysis

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psychewritesbs · 2 years

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Chapter 195: Sakurajima Colony: The new guy has captivated me

Its no longer JJK-Sunday...

But I’ve been marinating on my thoughts on this last chapter and I have to say I love whatshisface.

No.

Really.

What’s his name again?

Miyo?

Yes! Miyo.

Anyways, he looks like he’s totally inspired by the Japanese spiritual entity or Yōkai, the Kappa.

Apparently Kappas like to sumo so... there’s that.

But I think my favorite aspect about Miyo possibly being inspired by a Kappa is how wise he turned out to be? According to lore, Kappa’s have keen intelligence.

The thing about Miyo is that his keen intelligence isn’t expressed in the traditional sense of the word...

Gege literally took him from a sumo obsessed meat-head who can’t follow directions...

who has single-minded determination fueled by all three-brain cells (all of them drunk or high on acid) in his brain.

who is idiotic enough to break into people’s homes... like, who does this?!

To a perceptive and soulful dude who can peer into someone’s heart and have a conversation about the nature of reality.

I mean, look at his eyes and the way they are focused very intently on Maki.

I may be reading too much into it but there was something so soulful about their interaction.

And Gege basically accomplished this characterization in a couple of panels in two chapters tops.

It’s quick and dirty. After all, JJK is fast-paced.

My guess is that Gege isn’t going to spend too much time on him, but he’s still managed to give him a multi-dimensional personality in that brief time.

Danchou has been sharing some really good thoughts on the subject of Maki’s character.

While I like Maki as a character (she’s cool af), I don’t find her relatable so I can’t really relate to her struggles and her character arc.

So the way I am understanding this on my end is that Miyo’s role here is to help Maki achieve the equivalent of what the strongest sorcerers are doing. I think.

But instead of doing it with the mind (psychological sense of self), she has to experience it with her body (physical sense of self). Since she doesn’t generate cursed energy.

There’s something here about the nature of Cursed Energy and its relationship to the mind, body and soul, that I have to wonder whether the soul isn’t Cursed Energy itself.

Basically, Maki is tapping into the nature of reality with her body. She can consciously smell the light and see the sound. I’d say she’s enlightened in her own way.

And I have to say that I thought the whole thing carried a really beautiful sentiment despite how quickly it moved.

And I think that’s something that JJK excels at.

Gege likes to deliver little punches of poetic justice as part of how the story moves forward.

I think at this point, the arc is less about Maki fighting Naoya again and having another girl boss moment, and more about what she could not see about herself and how that was limiting her ability to truly explore the next level of her potential like the girlboss that she is.

I feel like if she defeats Naoya now, I’m not so worried about what that’s going to look like because it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m hoping Gege continues subverting expectations because he rarely relies on clichés.

So all that matters now is seeing Maki understand and embody something fundamental about herself that is going to help her tremendously and...

I literally wanted to screenshot the entire chapter.

I don’t remember exactly, but isn’t her Katana associated with some Japanese legend regarding geese? I just get callback vibes to when Mai created the Katana for her in this panel.

And so Maki is in her body.

Also the little cape disappeared.

a haiku.

Anyways, apparently in this week’s chapter everybody’s favorite worm shows his human face again?

Note to self: Trust the Gege!

#jjk ch 195 #god I love jujutsu kaisen

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xiaq · 3 years

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Ok I'm probably not going to say this right but after your last post I have have a question I guess? I don't really like sex and I love the idea of a relationship that doesn't require sex to be happy and healthy. I really relate to the whole not being anxious about taking a shower together or expectations or wahtever that you talked about but I've never experienced it before. Is that something you get from dating a friend? I guess I just want to know how you get to a place like that.

CW for sex talk. Hello friend. Apparently today is the day for Long Ass Ask Answers.

I wish someone had told me this years ago so I’m saying it to you now in case it saves you some angst:

Don’t settle for bad sex.

If you don’t like the sex you’re having, stop. If you don’t like having sex at all—neat! You’ll have so much time for other activities. You do not owe yourself to anyone, under any circumstances, even if you’re socially trained to think you do.

Listen. I took PhD qualifying exams in Feminist theory. And even I had more or less submitted myself to the idea that sex just wasn’t going to be that fun for me and I’d need to learn to deal or be alone.

I admittedly have very little sexual experience, but the experience I had up until my current relationship was lackluster. I wasn’t repulsed by sex, but it was eh at best and painful at worst and I’d never initiated a sexual situation in my life because A. ultra conservative Christian doctrine during your formative years can seriously fuck up your perception of intimacy in general (insert Youth Pastor Voice here: “men enjoy the act of sex, women enjoy the results of sex: children”) and B. I just…would rather do all sorts of other things. Sex was a thing other people wanted from me and if I cared about them I was supposed to provide it.

Objectively, I knew this was wrong. And yet.

Let me lay out some Inarguable Truths for you. Sex should not:

hurt (unless you want it to)

make you uncomfortable

make you feel dread or guilt before or afterward

be used as leverage

be coerced

be treated as a necessity by your partner

I told my current partner at the very beginning of our relationship (when I was trying to convince him that he didn’t actually want to be in a relationship with me) that I didn’t particularly enjoy sex, that I really didn’t like penetrative sex, and I that wasn’t willing to pretend otherwise anymore.

His response: “then we won’t have sex.”

Let me tell you, that threw me for a loop. I was expecting the more typical, “you’d enjoy sex with me” or even “what a waste.”

“Ever?” I asked.

“Ever.”

Well, okay then.

After a couple of weeks, I decided to try anyway. Not because I felt pressured but because I was curious. I thought maybe there would be one of those fanfic/romance novel moments and, suddenly, I’d love sex because I’d found The Right Person. Reader, I did not get my moment. Except for this time, I didn’t feel like I had to just suck it up. So we stopped. We made stir fry and cuddled and talked about the RMS Carpathia and Abraham Lincoln’s assassination (any nerds know what these things have in common?) instead. A+ evening.

A week later, he came to me, and after spending a surfeit of time qualifying what he was about to say with assurances that he didn’t expect anything from me, etc., etc. he told me he’d done some research because he was concerned there was an underlying issue causing my pain/discomfort. I hadn’t ever thought to ask my doctor because, at my pap/annual exam each year, they’d say my downstairs parts looked fine and send me on my way. Surely they would have said something? But I made an appointment with an OB and I brought a list of questions.

Did you know that endometriosis can make penetrative sex hella painful? Did you know that, if you have an autoimmune disease, even if you’re managing it well, you might deal with significant inflammation the week before your period, which can also make sex hella painful? Did you know that if you’re a small human you might just have a lower cervix which can (surprise) make sex hella painful? Did you know that there are things you can do to at least somewhat ameliorate these issues? Did you know that, when you stop viewing sex as an uncomfortable thing you have to provide and instead view it as an optional activity where you have full autonomy, you suddenly stop feeling guilt and dread at the very concept of physical intimacy and can actually, maybe, enjoy it? I do now. I didn’t for 15 years.

Do not settle for bad sex. Because if someone isn’t willing to sort out why you’re uncomfortable, and how to change your approach to intimacy to fix it, they’re probably not a good partner for you. If you simply don’t want sex and your partner insists on it, they’re probably not a good partner for you. There is a whole spectrum of reasons why you might not enjoy sex and I obviously can’t speak to all of them but Please. Learn from my mistakes. When you start drawing hard lines you're going to make progress, one way or another. Don’t let anyone convince you that you’re broken or undesirable if you’re not interested in sex. That’s a them problem, not a you problem.

I arrived to the place I'm at in my current relationship because I advocated for myself and said I wasn't willing to do something that made me uncomfortable. And my partner, who views me as a three-dimensional human being with more to offer the world than my body, immediately validated my feelings and agreed not to push my boundaries. Was the fact that we were friends for years helpful there? Sure. Because I already implicitly trusted him. But the important thing here is to know your limits and be willing to stick up for yourself. If you're explicit about your desires, it's easier to find the folks who are a good fit for fulfilling those desires.

#sexuality #asexual #aspec #sex talk #mylife #personal shit #answered asks #B #intimacy

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blackstarising · 3 years

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coming back to this post i made again to elaborate - especially as the ted lasso fandom is discussing sam/rebecca and fandom racism in general. there are takes that are important to make that i had failed to previously, but there's also a growing amount of takes that i have to, As A Black Person™, respectfully disagree with.

tl;dr for the essay below sam being infantilized and the sam/rebecca relationship are not the same issue and discussing the former one doesn't mean excusing the latter. and we've reached the glen of the Dark Forest where we sit down and talk about fandom racism.

i should have elaborated this in my last post about sam/rebecca, but i didn't. i'll say it now - i personally don't support sam and rebecca getting together for real. i believe what people are saying is entirely correct, even though sam is an adult legally, he and rebecca are, at the very least, two wildly different stages of life. for americans, he's at the equivalent of being a junior in college. there are things he hasn't gotten the chance to experience and there are areas he needs to grow in. when i was younger, i didn't understand the significance of these age gaps, i just thought it would be fine if it was legal, but as someone who is now a little older than sam in universe, i understand fully. we can't downplay this. whether or not you think sam works for rebecca or not, even despite the gender inversion of the Older Man Younger Woman trope, whether or not he is a legal adult, i don't think at this point in time, their relationship would work. i think it's an interesting narrative device, but i don't want to see it play out in reality.

that being said!

what's worrying me is that two discussions are being conflated here that shouldn't be. sam having agency and being a little more grown™ than he's perceived to be does not suddenly make his relationship with rebecca justified. i had decided to bring it up because sam was being brought into the spotlight again and i was starting to realizing that his infantilization was more common than i felt comfortable with.

sam's infantilization (and i will continue to call it that), is a microaggression. it's is in the range of microaggressions that i would categorize as 'fandom overcompensation'. we have a prominent character of color that exhibits traits that aren't stereotypical, and we don't want to appear racist or stereotypical, so we lean hard in the other direction. they're not aggressive, they're a Sweet Baby, they're not world weary, they're now a little naive. they're not cold and distant, they're so nice and sweet that there's no one that wouldn't want approach them, and yeah, on their face, these new traits are a departure and, on their face, they seem they look really good.

but at a certain point, it reaches an inflection point, and, like the aftertaste of a diet coke, that alleged sweetness veers into something a lot less sweet. it veers into a lack of agency for the character. it veers into an innocence that appears to indicate that the person can't even take care of themselves. it veers into a one-dimensional characterization that doesn't allow for any depth or negative emotion.

it's not kind anymore. it's not a nice departure from negative stereotypes. it's not compensating for anything.

it's patronizing.

it is important that we emphasize that characters of color are more than the toxic stereotypes we lay on them, yes, but we make a mistake in thinking that the solution is overcorrection. for one thing, people of color can usually tell. don't get it twisted, it's actually pretty obvious. for another, it just shifts from one dimension to another. people of color are still supposed to be Only One Character Trait while white people can contain multitudes. ted, who is pretty much as pollyanna as they come, can be at once innocent and naive and deep and troubled and funny and scared. jamie can be a prick and sexy and also lonely and also a victim of abuse. sam, however, even though he was bullied (by jamie, no less), is thousands of miles away from home, and has led a protest on his team, is usually just characterized as human sunshine with much less acknowledgement of any other traits beyond that.

and that's why i cringe when fandom calls sam a Sweet Baby Boy without any sense of irony. is that all we're taking away? after all this time? even for a comedy, sam has received a substantive of screen time over two whole seasons, and we've seen a range of emotions from him. so as a black person it's hurtful that it's boiled down to Sweet Baby Boy.

that's the problem. we need to subvert stereotypes, but more importantly, we need to understand that people of color are not props, or pieces of cardboard for their white counterparts. they are full and actualized and have agency in their own right and they can have other emotions than Angry and Mean or Sweet and Bubbly without any nuance between the two. i think the show actually does a relatively good job of giving sam depth (relatively, always room for improvement, mind you), especially holding it in tension with his youth, but the fandom, i worry, does not.

it's the same reason why finn from star wars started out as the next male protagonist in the sequel trilogy but by the third movie was just running around yelling for REY!! it's the same reason why when people make Phase 4 Is the Phase For Therapy gifsets for the mcu and show wanda maximoff, loki, and bucky barnes crying and being sad but purposefully exclude sam wilson who had an entire show to tell us how difficult his life is, because people find out if pee oh sees are also complex, they'll tell the church.

and the reason why i picked up on this very early on is because i am an organic, certified fresh, 100% homegrown, non-gmo, a little ashy, indigenous sub saharan African black person. the ghanaian tribes i'm descended from have told me so, my black ass parents have told me so, and the nurses at the hospital in [insert asian country here] that started freaking out about how curly my hair was as my mother was mid pushing me out told me so!

and this stuff has real life implications. listen: being patronized as a black person sucks. do you know how many times i was patted on the back for doing quite honestly, the bare minimum in school? do you know how many times i was told how 'well spoken' or 'eloquent' i was because i just happen to have a white accent or use three syllable words? do you know how many times i've been cooed over by white women who couldn't get over how sweet i was just because i wasn't confrontational or rude like they wrongly expected me to be?

that's why they're called microaggressions. it's not a cross on your lawn or having the n-word spat in your face, but it cuts you down little by little until you're completely drained.

so that's the nuance. that's the subversion. the overcompensation is not a good thing. and people of color (and i suspect, even white people) have picked up on, in general, the different ways fandom treats sam and dani and even nate. what all of these discussions are converging on is fandom racism, which is not the diet form of racism, but another place for racism to reveal itself. and yeah, it's uncomfortable. it can seem out of left field. you may want to defend yourself. you may want to explain it away. but let me tap the sign on the proverbial bus:

if you are a white person, or a person of color who is not part of that racial group, even, you do not get to decide what is not racist for someone. full stop. there are no exceptions. there is no exit clause for you. there is no 'but, actually-'. that right wasn't even yours to cede or waive.

(it's also important to note that people of color also have the right to disagree on whether something is racist, but that doesn't necessarily negate the racism - it just means there's more to discuss and they can still leave with different interpretations)

people don't just whip out accusations of racism like a blue eyes white dragon in a yu-gi-oh duel. it's not fun for us. it's not something we like to do to muzzle people we don't want to engage with. and we're not concerned with making someone feel bad or ashamed. we're exposing something painful that we have to live with and, even worse, process literally everything we experience through. we can't turn it off. we can't be 'less sensitive' or 'less nitpicky'. we are literally the primary resources, we are the proverbial wikipedia articles with 3,000 sources when it comes to racism. who else would know more than us?

what 2020 has shown us very clearly is that racism is systemic. it's not always a bunch of Evil White Men rubbing their hands together in a dark room wondering how they're going to use the 'n-word' today. it's systemic. it's the way you call that one neighborhood 'sketchy'. it's how you use 'ratchet' and 'ghetto' when describing something bad. it's how you implicitly the assume the intelligence of your friend of color. it's the way you turned up your nose and your friend's food and bullied them for it in middle school but go to restaurants run by white people who have 'uplifted' it with inauthentic ingredients. it's telling someone how Well Spoken and Eloquent they are even though you've both gone to the same schools and work at the same workplace. it's the way you look down at some people of color for having a different body type than you because they've been redlined to neighborhoods where certain foods and resources are inaccessible, and yet mock up the racial features that appeal to you either through makeup or plastic surgery.

it's how when a person of color behaves badly, they're irredeemable, but a white person performing the same act or something similar is 'having a bad day' or 'isn't normally like this' or 'has room to grow' and we can't 'wait for their redemption arc', and yes, i'm not going to cover it in detail in this post but yes this is very much about nate. other people have also brought up the nuances in his arc and compared them to other white characters so i won't do it here.

these behaviors and reactions aren't planned. they aren't orchestrated. they're quite literally unconscious because they've been lovingly baked into western society for centuries. you can't wake up and be rid of it. whether you intended it or not, it can still be racist.

and it's actually quite hurtful and unfair to imply that concerns about racism in the TL fandom are unfounded or lacking any depth or simply meant to be sensational because you simply don't agree with it. i wish it was different, but it doesn't work that way. i'm not raising this up to 'call out' or shame people, but i'm adding to this discussion because, through how we talk about sam, and even dani and nate, i'm yet again seeing a pattern that has shortchanged people of color and made them feel unwelcome in fandom for far too long.

coach beard said it best: we need to do better.

#ted lasso #sam obisanya #ted lasso spoilers #fandom racism

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cricktoon · 2 years

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Snake Mountain Orko AU

OK so lemme explain. This is not one of those corruption sublots, but rather my reaction to how irritated I am that there are so darn many of them in regard to Orko. I do, however, love evil characters, and love this little magic man, so I came up with a different subplot that is my personal solution to this whole thing.

The same dimensional storm rips through the cosmos, snatches up Orko the Great from trolla, and takes him to eternia. Rather than landing him in the tar swamps, however, it lands him right by snake mountain. He is apprehended by [insert snake mountain lackeys here] and taken to Skeletor. Now, Orko hasn’t gone through his character development yet, nor has he been humbled by his experiences in the royal palace as court magician, so he’s still in his ‘do you have any idea who I am?’ stage of his life. (I know it’s either supposed to be a medallion or a wand that he loses depending on which canon, but either I’m lazy or don’t always like magical artifacts being the anchor for his magic, so just imagine he gets to snake mountain and his magic doesn’t work.) So, of course, he gives Skeletor the speech, makes him sneer with laughter, and proves Skeletor right by trying several spells- which all, of course, backfire.

Rather than being upset, Skeletor sees an opportunity. He sees the amount of chaos that this little creature can create, and thinks he might be easily swayed by offers of power. So, he makes Orko an offer. Of all the power he can possibly imagine. Orko, now freshly disgraced, listens intently, because he feels he is nothing without his title and daunting abilities.

Obviously, Skeletor is talking about Grayskull. Through some manipulative language (for- this tiny wizard obviously isn’t evil, arrogant though he may be) he convinces Orko to try and help him with the next plan to take over Grayskull, and that it is the guardian of this castle who is the evil one, for keeping the well of ultimate power away from the magic users who deserve it. (In this AU also, He-Man is not yet in the picture since Adam is still a little kid, and Skeletor only has himself and two or three other warriors on his side. So He-Man is needed in the future, but only when he comes of age.)

Orko agrees to help them. He’s unsure when they approach Grayskull, beginning to have his doubts about the whole operation, and as he sees the sorceress- he can sense the good magic in her. But, he reasons with himself, if he’s going to get back home, he needs this. The evil must be elsewhere in the castle, and they are defeating it, right? If he’s going to continue to be impressive, to be useful- for who knows how long this damper on his magic will last- then he needs this, right?

Right?

They try and fail to take over Grayskull. Through assisting Skeletor and his growing band of minions Orko realizes which side he’s on. And he hates it. He’s also terrified, having had used his magic for evil purposes. Trollans hate evil magic users, and so he knows now that he can never return home. If he did, he would return to the disappointment of his uncle, and to the shame of everyone who knew him. Orko doesn’t know if he can handle that. From these bare-faced near strangers, perhaps, but not from his family, or his audience. He’s trapped there. Internally, he doesn’t care about the power anymore, and would be fine with being punished if he knew exactly what the authorities of the palace of eternos, or the sorceress for that matter, would do with him if he were ever apprehended. Skeletor, too, he knows, would do something truly awful if he were to ever betray him, and Orko thinks himself as a coward, terrified of death. He becomes an outlaw, and learns to play the part. At times it becomes indiscernable from his true self, but deep down he’s still Orko, and hates who he has become.

Eventually he dresses the part, as well. He puts a glamour over his eyes so that his pupils disappear, making himself look more menacing. (I’m still sort of designing the outfit in my head and I’ll draw it when I can!) To everyone else, he becomes the nasty little trickster, the mage who causes disturbances at the whim of the warlord Skeletor, and a well-known and hated member of the evil warriors.

It’s years before He-Man comes around, but even by then, Adam was aware of the evil warriors and the disturbances they create, and is familiar with Orko. When they go into battle, however, he notices a few things. For one thing, Orko always casts the opposite spell than what he wants to happen, hoping that it will intentionally fail in battle. A lot of the time when he casts those spells around He-Man and the other masters, they... work. This is because, though none of them know this, Orko’s magic works best when he’s trying to help someone. He doesn’t really want to hurt or even inconvenience anyone even slightly, so when they accidentally work, it creates more harm than good for Skeletor’s plans, and Orko doesn’t often go unpunished behind closed doors.

Orko, He-Man notices, also returns to the scene of the crime quite often. He-Man watches him from afar once or twice, after it’s just him waiting for a secluded place to transform. Orko just seems to survey whatever wreckage there is left behind, lifting rubble and flying around, as if he’s looking for something.

I haven’t decided whether or not he just happens to see through the magic in He-Man’s disguise and figures out he’s prince Adam that way, or if he accidentally sees him transform back into Adam when he makes one of his quiet returns to the scene of the crime. Either way, he Knows, and vows he won’t tell Skeletor for anything.

Eventually, though, after many years of in seemingly loyal service to Skeletor, Skeletor’s had enough. He calls Orko to come and meet with him to discuss some evil plan or something over coffee or whatever, and Orko immediately knows he’s done for. At this point he’s tired of feeling crippling guilt all the time, so he’s resigned to it, and goes to meet Skeletor.

Orko resists a little, but not as much as he normally would, when Kobra Khan comes out of the shadows (Orko knew he was there the entire time due to his incredible hearing), grabs him, and bites him. This is the way Skeletor intends to do away with Orko, and for a moment, when he’s stumbling just outside of snake mountain after having been tossed out and left to die, Orko thinks it’s worked. However, Skeletor has recently been discussing an admittedly well-planned ambush he wants to spring on eternos, and Orko picks himself up the best he can, with all the venom in his veins making it hard to think about anything else other than his goal, and flies to the palace as fast as he can. He figures, if he’s going to die, might as well do one last thing, betray Skeletor and help the masters of the universe, since it no longer matters.

This post is getting long hhhdhfhdhdhd But!! I’ll keep writing about what happens after in this AU later on if anyone is interested!

#motu #masters of the universe #cricket chat #orko #snake mountain orko au

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attractive-nuisance-esq · 3 years

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Here’s the thing: After 15x18 - after Castiel’s confession - I will be devastatingly heartbroken with any ending less than a full, explicitly romantic relationship between him and Dean.

Let’s be clear: If they hadn’t had Cas confess, I wouldn’t be terrified about what they’re going to give to us on Thursday night. We’d all made our peace with Destiel never going canon. We never, ever in a million years expected to actually get it. All of us shippers were content to live with what we got on screen, determined to see it live on in our fanfiction, with faith in the fandom to tell the story of Dean and Castiel. We were fine. We were excited! The ending of any show is a momentous occasion, but the ending of this one? With this fandom family? After this long? No matter what happened, it was going to be something we’d cherish forever.

Instead, in the third-to-last episode of all time, Supernatural gave us a confession of love from one of its most beloved characters to the hero of the story. And we all lost our minds. Quite rightfully! We never, ever thought it would happen - no matter how much sub there has been in the text over the last 12 years. You know why? Because of Disney.

We’re used to the Disney version of LGBTQ representation. The kind where about a month before a movie comes out, we see a flurry of articles published about how there will be a “gay character” in it - somehow always for the first time. And the character is always gay; nobody cares enough to draw any distinctions within the community. All of human sexuality that isn’t purely straight is purely gay. *cue the eyerolls* And maybe the first time we got a little excited. (Probably not, but go with me here for a sec.) Maybe for Beauty and the Beast, we thought, “Oh, LeFou was kind of a fun character in the cartoon version. Maybe it’ll be cool to see him have a crush!” But always and inevitably, the “representation” is one of two equally hurtful things: 1) the character’s sexuality is bluntly on display, but it’s a source of ridicule for the person, and the audience is encouraged to laugh at it “with” the character (o hai, LeFou); or 2) the scene is less than two seconds long, or the character is unnamed, or the circumstances of the “representation” are such that they can easily be cut from the project for foreign audiences or swept under the rug in the minds of viewers who’d rather not admit that queer people exist (what up, Star Wars and Endgame?).

And that shit really fucking hurts. We’re told to shut up and be grateful, even enthusiastic that mainstream fiction media noticed we’re here at all. But we’re never main characters. Our stories are never told. This part of our identity is not only left unexplored; it is so exploited for woke points as to be made the single most defining thing about us. It’s offensive, over and over again, to have us included solely because of how we are different.

It fucking hurts.

Things are changing, slowly. We’re starting to get some deeper, three-dimensional representation in television and film. It’s not all starting out in 2005 on the same network that brought us 7th Heaven anymore. My niece is 14-years-old and out, and she will never remember a time when she had to scour the Internet to see queer versions of her favorite characters; she just has them. But all of us adults, well... chances are, our journeys have the potential to look a lot like Dean’s. We didn’t get to come out in high school. We didn’t let our younger selves think too hard about what we knew in our hearts would make us happy. It took us longer to arrive at a place of security and safety in order to be able to admit to ourselves and others who we are. Hell, the whole damn process of recognizing human sexuality is fluid might have taken us years!

Us queer adults - the ones who have been watching and loving Supernatural for longer than its younger audience - can now taste the possibility of seeing something that probably looks a lot like our very own romantic and personal experiences in Dean Winchester. We’ve been celebrating bi!Dean for years on our own, picking up the crumbs the writers give us and clutching them tightly, because what a gift it would be to see this good man, this hero as one of our own! And now... we’re so close to actually seeing it. On screen. For real and for sure.

These last two weeks have been incredibly difficult. We’re ecstatic! Wildly so! What other kind of reaction would we have to the writers allowing Castiel to admit these feelings we’ve all thought would only ever exist in our heads? But we are equally anxious, wary, and - quite frankly - battling hopelessness. Supernatural doesn’t have a great track record with these things. Everyone on Tumblr - even those that don’t watch this show - is well aware that this one is the master of queerbaiting. And then there’s Disney banging around in our skulls, a psychological trauma sounding again like an alarm. We’ve been burned so many times before, by other mainstream media and by Supernatural itself. It feels crazy to hope. I don’t know how many times I’ve watched the confession scene; I still can’t believe it’s real. A male-shaped main character said “I love you” to another male-shaped main character. It can’t be cut out and ignored, or brushed aside as platonic. It wasn’t a joke at the expense of queerness. It happened. It was big, and it was right there.

And now we are so, so close. Fuck.

That’s why if Supernatural doesn’t follow through and give us Dean and Cas unequivocally in love in the final 42 minutes of this beautiful, ridiculous, wonderful, preposterous, absolutely WILD show, it’ll just completely fucking break me. It will be the worst kind of tease, the deepest cut buried in the briniest salt. If they hadn’t given us Castiel’s confession, we’d have no expectations. But they did. And now, if they don’t deliver after all that’s been said and done...

...it will utterly shatter my fragile little bisexual heart into a million fucking pieces.

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effei-s · 3 years

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remember shatter-me juliette who really cared for people? yeah, that's her now.

six soldiers die protecting juliette in restore me.

juliette: i'm too busy fucking my boyfriend to care about them (dudes probably had wives, kids, relatives, etc, but alas).

sector 45 wiped from the face of earth, all people are gruesomely murdered (it's anderson we're talking about, their deaths were probably very brutal and painful).

juliette: i'm too busy throwing a birthday party for my boyfriend to care about some random dead people. yeah i said that i'm gonna lead them, i said that i'm gonna change their lives for the better, i promised to protect them, i gave them false hope, i was the reason why they’ve committed treason that punished by death under the laws of their TOTALITARIAN government...

BUT, TO BE HONEST, ALL I REALLY CARE ABOUT IS SUCKING MY BOYFRIEND OFF, SO THEY KINDA HAD IT COMING... SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED A 17 YEAR OLD. WHAT DID THEY EVEN EXPECT? THAT I'M GONNA BE A GOOD LEADER? THAT I'M GONNA TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY WORDS AND ACTIONS? THAT I'M ACTUALLY GONNA WORK TO MAKE THEIR LIVES BETTER??? LOOOOOL! I FIGHT FOR A SECOND CHANCE OF JOY!!! FOR ME!!! not for some random strangers 😊😊😊.

[off-topic, but that birthday party was so cringy.

(not me defending walking dildo on main, but fuck my life that scene was really painful to read. it was so bad that i genuinely felt sorry for him (and it says a lot considering that my usual emotion towards him is contempt).

so on his first “normal” birthday she: throws him a surprise (he hates surprises), they in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by people who either tried to kill juliette or were planning to flee from sector 45 three minutes after warner and juliette got captured. And the cutest part: she and a bunch of random strangers bullied (it’s exact word mafi used: he’s bullied into blowing candles) him into doing something he’s clearly uncomfortable doing. and he did it only because juliette wanted him to. not because he himself wanted to try something new, not because she put some thought and effort into creating a safe space for him (you know something that would supposed to be very important, considering his history and all the terrible things that happened to him in the past). not because she helped him to make a transition from “your birthday is the worst day in a year” to “we’re together, you’re safe, let’s try to do things differently”.

no. she presented him with fait accompli and he left with no choice but to say yes.

OH MY GOD! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT ANDERSON WAS DOING TO HIM HIS ENTIRE LIFE! isn’t it great that Juliette keeps this tradition alive?

long story short, he’s also got lame stupid-ass vanilla-boring cake.

/warner, sweety, i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry…/

(OK, BUT WHY THE FUCK I HAVE MORE EMPATHY TOWARD THE GUY THAT I REALLY DESPISE, THAN THE LOVE OF HIS FUCKING LIFE???

oh wait I know, because it wasn’t about warner, it was about juliette (ME ME ME! LOOK AT ME! I’M SUCH A GOOD PERSON! LOOK AT ME! ME! ME! I DID IT! I! I! I! MEEEEEE! AM I NOT THE BEST PERSON YOU’VE EVER MET???) and fan service, shittone of fan service).

end of off-topic]

last but not least:

emma suffers in agony every minute of her life and begs juliette to kill her so she won’t feel this pain anymore.

juliette: denies her this wish because she wants to get her sister back and then she doesn't think about emma at all, because, guess what???? SHE'S TOO BUSY FUCKING HER BOYFRIEND!!!

it really doesn’t matter that she broke every promise she made, because she’s a main character and therefore she will never be held responsible for her fuck ups. no matter how many people die or suffer because of her incompetence. at the end of the day everyone is kissing her ass and acting like she’s a second coming of jesus christ.

i really don’t know who had it worse in terms of character assassination: her or warner.

instead of creating interesting plot and making characters multi dimensional, mafi writes torture porn just to be edgy (because after weeks of gruesome experiments (at one point evie was burning juliette’s skin off, while she was conscious) there’s no mental consequences at all, five minutes later juliette's absolutely happy and she joyfully fucks walking dildo the second she gets the chance). then mafi writes this FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC AMA GIVE YOU A CAKE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU WARNER bullshit and calls it a day.

#shatter me juliette would be so disgusted by magical vagina #for real i never saw more bland pathetic and unlikable mc #how the fuck empathetic and caring girl end up THERE???#shatter me #defy me #restore me #imagine me #second trilogy really is another level of bad trash #warnette #aaron warner #juliette ferrars

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yutaya · 3 years

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Iron Fist Week Day 7: minor character/missing scene

Albert is a man. A man... with a van.

He's proud of his van. Sure it was a bitch and a half to get certified and sometimes trying to drive three freaking blocks in this city when he's having a bad enough day can threaten to put his blood pressure through the roof, but he's ground out an honest living for himself with it. That's no mean feat, in this neighborhood.

Plus, Al likes his job. It involves a lot of visiting every nook and cranny of the area, meeting loads of people at varying levels of talkative - it's a job that requires someone personable, and Al doesn't think it's too immodest to say that he fits the bill.

Staring down a fully loaded armoire, though, Al can admit to himself that there are times he's less fond of this job than others.

By the time he's got the thing down on the sidewalk, doors and drawers bound shut and with an initial layer of wrapping to protect it from pedestrian traffic while he sets up the loader, Al has mentally added two upticks to his pain-in-the-ass fee.

"Woah, can I help you with that?"

Al pauses in his transferring long enough to take a look at who's spoken. It's a white guy, 20s, a little scruffy but looks comfortable, and, most importantly, seems genuine.

Al smiles at him. "I appreciate the offer, but these need to be moved in a specific way to prevent scuffing."

"Oh." Al goes back to loading the armoire. "...Would you show me?" Al pauses again. Looks back at the guy. "I'm Danny, by the way," he adds, and smiles beatifically.

Al blinks up at the sky. Had the sun shone more brightly for a second, there? He turns back to wrapping the furniture with blankets and bungee cords. "You need to move a lot of furniture, Danny?" he asks while he works. Engaging in friendly conversation with strangers is second nature to him, at this point.

Danny, who has the courtesy to remain standing out on the street behind the van as they talk, bounces a little as he replies. "Yes, actually! My girlfriend and I have been redoing her apartment."

"Wow, big project. Hey, if you guys need stuff moved around, I've got you covered. Back and forth from the storage unit, delivering your new stuff from the store, bringing your old stuff wherever it's going... My rates are fair and, as you can see, I'd actually take care of your things." He pats the carefully cushioned furniture from his current job in indication.

Danny laughs a little, looking at it. "At least that isn't a piano, right?"

"Hey man, pianos have wheels. I can walk them right up the ramp."

Danny eyes the ramp Al uses with the handtrucks. "Isn't it too skinny?"

Al laughs again. "What kind of piano are you picturing, a grand?" As if anyone who owned one of those would be hiring Al to move it. As if anyone who owned one of those would be living in this area at all.

Danny shrugs, unbothered. "I haven't seen one since I was a kid. Maybe it seemed bigger back then." A beat passes, and then Danny continues talking, the oversharing sort of babble symptomatic of the sleep-deprived. "Anyway, we'll definitely call you for help with our stuff. And you can show me all the right ways to handle everything! I'm probably going to be doing a lot of rearranging furniture and stuff since Colleen is out at Bayard all the time now; she keeps talking about helping the community during the daytime - Colleen's my girlfriend, she's the best - and, I mean, she's right, of course, plus, we just got back to the city and I am not used to not having to do something -" he cuts himself off, lighting up. "Hey, could I get a job with you?"

Al startles. He can usually recognize when someone's coming at that angle. Granted, they usually don't seem to stumble into it by mistake.

"The shop down the street is hiring," he offers. "On the corner."

"Thanks! I'd like to work for this business, though."

Al pauses. Revaluates "Danny". There are only so many reasons someone would be looking for a moving job specifically, and in this neighborhood, the most likely scenario is one that Al has been very carefully steering clear of for 30 years.

"I appreciate the interest," he repeats cautiously, "but we're a small business. I'm afraid we don't really have the means to hire right now." It's a bit of a risk, revealing a vulnerability like that. Luckily, Albert is overstating it a bit; it won't be that easy for any of the triads to put financial pressure on him, and, well. He's stubborn. He swore a long time ago that he wouldn't go there.

"Oh, that's not a problem!" Danny says brightly. "You wouldn't need to pay me. I'm more looking for the experience, you know? I've never had a normal job, and Colleen thinks it'll be good for us to start over."

The alarm bell clanging in Al's head rises to a shriek, then falters. If this is a ploy, it is astoundingly poorly executed. If this guy is in with any sort of organized crime, he can't be more than a fledgling recruit. Al feels a moral obligation to try and steer him better, even if his self preservation instincts disagree.

"Look," Al says, watching Danny's face carefully. "I'm running an honest business, here. I'm not interested in having our name attached to anything. And, if I could offer you a word of advice?" Danny, who mostly just looks confused, nods. "Don't go saying that stuff about working for free. Depending who hears it, that's a good way to end up either severely taken advantage of, or in a coffin. Anyone you might be trying that hard to get a resource for won't be happy about you overplaying your hand."

Danny still looks confused. Al mimes swinging a hatchet. Danny's eyes go wide with clarity.

"I'm not with the triads," he says disconcertingly earnestly. "I'm the Iron Fist. I'm sworn to defend the city from people like them."

...Ok.

Well, at least this is an interesting conversation.

"If you're not with the triads, why do you want this job?"

"I guess I'm looking for something new. For fifteen years, I had one purpose. Now, it's done. Now, I need to build a new life, and..." His voice dips in a certain way with the next words, a way that makes Al's stomach sink with the familiarity of it. "...keep a promise to a friend."

Al looks at Danny, a pit in his stomach and memories in his heart. Resignation settles underneath his skin.

"You have a résumé?" he asks. At least Danny doesn't seem inclined to just throw things around, like some other shipping companies that Al could name. Royal Al Moving provides quality for its clients, thank you very much.

"I don't think so. What is that, equipment? I could buy some."

Al stares at him. He'd been expecting either an agreement to email or bring by a copy later, or a conversation along the lines of 'do I really need one?' followed by a verbal listing off of previous work or even just ability.

"Do you have any previous experience?" Al tries again. "Had any jobs before?"

"Yeah, I have," Danny says, and doesn't elaborate.

White people.

"What about ID?" Al asks, despite knowing full well he'll probably pretend not to notice if anything seems off about it.

Danny laughs a bit, seemingly unphased by his own complete lack of knowledge regarding ordinary job application/interview etiquette whatsoever. "Oh, I definitely have that. Had to fight really hard for it, too. It was almost all gone, but once everything got sorted out, we made, like, 10 new copies of everything." Danny pats around at his pockets, not appearing to notice Al's incredulous expression. "I don't have any of those with me right now, but... Ah ha!" He pulls something out triumphantly. "Business cards! I'm pretty sure my brother thought I was just going to destroy them, but my friend Jeri said it's important to always have one. It might have gone through the laundry, though, sorry."

Assuming this day can't get any weirder, like a fool, Al takes the card.

Even worn and slightly crumpled, the obnoxiously expensive quality of the original card is still clear. There's embossing and gold foil, for god's sake. The Rand Enterprises logo glints up at him almost mockingly even as the three dimensional lines of the border rise and fall under his thumb. Either seems unnecessary and frankly tone deaf for a Humanitarian Aid company, let alone both. Then again, maybe they reserve this version of the card for the executive level, those who hobnob among the elite, who need to make a certain type of impression on the too rich in order to convince them to donate well.

Because that's another thing this card reads, right there in plain English: a 9pt bold 'Daniel Rand', and under that, 'CEO'.

'What,' a little voice in Al's head wails semi-hysterically, 'the fuck?'

"Is this a joke?" Al asks out loud, vaguely surprised by how calm he sounds given the way the voice inside his head might be having a meltdown. "Am I on Candid Camera?"

But, no, wasn't he just thinking that this card is way too expensive - and thus definitely too expensive to be a prop?

"Hey, I know that one!" Danny Rand says cheerfully. "Joy and I used to watch it together!"

'Joy,' the voice in Al's head supplies. 'Joy Meachum.

'Well, at least this explains why he said he doesn't need money.

'Wait, why is he looking for a job in the first place? Is he not CEO? Did they kick him out or something? Did they disown him for wearing a hoodie with holes in it? Is that what he meant earlier when he said the thing he was doing before is over now?'

Al has never felt more rueful that he doesn't pay much attention to celebrity news.

"So," Al tries to find a way to word this that isn't 'have you been cut off or what?' "Why is Danny Rand looking for a job here?"

By "here", Al means a lot of things. This type of neighborhood, in general. Chinatown, out of all of them. At a low-wage position in a manual labor business with very little room for growth, if they're really getting into it.

"I like your name," Danny replies. It's far from the kind of answer that Al was expecting, but he finds himself unperturbed. Maybe he's hit a point where nothing is surprising anymore. "It reminds me of a friend. He was more of a Big Al than a Royal one, but I saw your logo and it seemed right."

(Al still pays Danny, because he refuses to be a shady business and because if he's finally getting around to setting up an employee system, he's needs to make it one that will work for anyone he might hire in the future, too. They won't all be Danny Rand. Danny keeps finding ways to immediately give it back, because he's literally a billionaire.)

#here it is like an entire week late #it took so long to write and i still kind of hate it but whatever #ironfistweek #iron fist #danny rand #fanfic #?#my stuff #the immortal iron fist #the internet is for fanfiction #colleen and misty's days still to come #they're just gonna be gifsets tho so~

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hockeyboysiguess · 4 years

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mirrorball | a. matthews

a/n: first in a series of sixteen fics based off taylor swift’s new album, folklore. full list here.

You sighed as the front door closed behind you. It had been a long day; weddings always were. Being a wedding guest was usually just a series of slightly uncomfortable, awkward experiences back to back to the point where you became as numb to them as your feet were from your heels due to general exhaustion and open bars and all you would have to say about the evening when your co-workers asked you about it on Monday was that it was fine. You had made it through the day, thanks to champagne and your boyfriend. He intercepted some of the worst potential interactions for you, even taking on your great aunt’s cheek pats that verged on slaps for you. He had been a champion today, according to your mom, and you couldn’t agree more.

“That was exhausting,” Auston sighed as he shuffled past you into the kitchen. “Remind me get a restraining order against your great aunt. I think she basically slapped me.”

You laughed at his words, letting your feet carry you into the living room as you tried to will your exhausted, running mind to rest for a moment. Tonight, despite it’s obvious down being that it was a wedding and you were close enough to the age where it was considered acceptable to be getting engaged, you had a good day. Any day you could spend with Auston without the noise of his job and the world’s thoughts about the two of you was a good day. Sure, everyone at the wedding had opinions, but theirs were within scope, within the socially allowed levels of casual judgment. What you and Auston usually dealt with was out of scope, and it wore on you heavily.

You wanted nothing more than to make everyone else happy. It was one of your best qualities, but also the one that brought you the most pain. There was only so much broken glass a person could pick up when trying to make the world a better place before their palms became bloody and scarred and parts of you started to break off in an effort to make yourself easier to tolerate, easily palatable to everyone. The parts of you that broke off, some of them broken forcibly by yourself kicking and screaming, in an effort to be adored by the masses were blending with the broken parts of the world you saw and you didn’t know what to pick up anymore.

You felt like you were on a tightrope, balancing the person you knew you were and the person everyone wanted you to be, the person everyone would like, as you tried to walk across it. The two identities were entirely different weights. The person you were was heavy. She was real and strong and powerful, a three-dimensional human being incapable of being liked by everyone simply because she had opinions. The person everyone would like was a shallow grave, void of personality or content, waiting for the real you to fall into it and swallow you whole. You wanted so badly to be able to shed yourself of that two-dimensional false personality, but the real you was too much, too raw, too real to risk in front of the world. You chose instead to try to use it sparingly. Each time you did, it turned you into a mirrorball, reflecting and almost magnifying the best qualities of the people around you, spinning at a fast pace in an effort to provide that reflection and amplification to as many people as possible. There wasn’t space for you in it and the spinning made you constantly dizzy. Mirrors didn’t shine themselves; they simply reflected whatever was turned to them.

The killer part of it all was from your tightrope you couldn’t even see the platform you left to start your journey, nor could you see the platform you were theoretically walking it, which made you question what you were even doing on the tightrope in the first place. Was there even a platform on the other side?

Auston wasn’t like you. There were multiple parts to him, but they made up one whole human being. He brought out different parts of his personality around different people, in different environments, but he owned every single part equally; none had more weight than the other. He was solid, firm, complete. You were fractured and unbalanced, a house of torn and taped together playing cards desperately hoping a breeze didn’t come by and topple you.

Auston didn’t really understand why you cried sometimes when everything became too much. He held you while you cried and rubbed your back gently. He didn’t understand because that desperate personality never came out to face him. You were always yourself with him. It’s why you, despite multiple failed relationships and countless almosts that led to real heartbreaks, were still here. He was different. You tried with him, because relationships take effort, but the you that tried was real and imperfect and good and he loved that you. The him that tried with you was the same one everyone else got, you just got every single piece, sometimes all at once, and you thanked your lucky stars he was easier to love than you were.

Your feet were still sort of numb thanks to your heels that you refused to take off. Auston had tried to get you to bring flats for the reception, but you’d waved him off because they didn’t go with the dress. Maybe you should’ve just swallowed the aesthetics for comfort, but you did love those heels. You sighed as you let your feet slowly start to carry you in a circle, your body swaying as you hummed one of the songs from the wedding softly to yourself. You closed your eyes and focused on your movements in an effort to clear your mind.

When you opened your eyes, you saw Auston standing in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen. His tall frame was leaned against it. His suit jacket was off and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. His tie was loose around his neck and his hair that had been perfectly in place when you left that morning was drooping onto his forehead untamed. He had a soft, kind smile on his face that carried into his eyes and somehow deeper into him. His dark eyes were watching you sway, his smile growing as he watched and let out a soft laugh.

“What?” you asked him, tilting your head to the side and raising an eyebrow at him.

He laughed a little louder before pushing off the doorframe. He crossed the room until he reached you. His large hands reached for you, finding purchase on your hips. You smiled up at him as you let your arms climb up to fall over his shoulders. You kept humming along and let Auston start to sway you slowly to the tempo of the song you were humming.

“Thank you for coming,” you told him, foregoing your humming in favor of speaking to him now.

“Of course,” he nodded softly. “Boyfriend duty, right?”

You laughed, making him laugh, one thing you were really good at and always wanted to be good at. He pulled you closer into his chest and continued to dance with you, slowly working you in a circle with him as you swayed to music that wasn’t playing.

“Boyfriend duty,” you agreed softly.

“I think I did alright,” Auston told you.

"You did great,” you replied, your voice quieter than before. “Better than I would have done if roles were reversed, but I’d give it my all.”

Auston sighed, his head rolling back a little. His hands fidgeted with the material of your dress as he thought. You weren’t sure exactly what was going through his mind, but you could see the pained expression on his face as he debated whether or not to tell you what he was thinking.

“You know you’re beyond good enough, right?” Auston told you as he lifted his head back so he could meet your eyes with his. “You don’t need this act you do. I like you, for you. So will everyone else.”

But they won’t. They’ll only like parts of me, the parts of me that make them feel good about themselves, but they won’t like all of me. If they don’t like all of me, what’s the point?

“Not everyone on the planet is meant to like you, you know?”

You hadn’t realized those thoughts came out of your mouth, that they hadn’t just been in your head, until Auston replied to them. You bit your lip and dropped your eyes to the floor, staring at Auston’s dark dress shoes and your heels instead of his face.

“And that’s a good thing. If everyone liked you, I probably wouldn’t. You’re not for everyone, baby, and that’s a good thing. I love you, the real you, the one that’s here right now. You don’t have to pretend to be this sort of personality-free robot all the time. Less people might like you, but the people who like you will like you for real things, like I do.”

“It’s not that easy, Aus,” you sighed as you let your eyelids drop closed. You picked up your head, but kept your eyes closed. The possibility tears would fall down your cheeks when you opened your eyes was too high to risk it. Auston couldn’t handle seeing you cry. “It’s just not that simple.”

“But it is.” Auston cut you off before you could finish. “I know it would be a change and change is scary, but you’ll be happy. You won’t cry so much.”

You shook your head as a pathetic, sad smile fell over your face. It was a hopeless smile, full of pain from the pulling inside of you between one side that desperately wanting to do what Auston was offering and the realistic part of you that knew it would never work.

“Auston, it’s like I’m on a trapeze. I’m swinging back and forth, but never landing somewhere fully. I’m just swinging, performing stunts at high levels of personal risk, so other people have a good time. I’m swinging back and forth between myself and the person people actually like. There’s no net. There’s no where to go. The just have to keep swinging. I can’t reach a platform.”

You opened your eyes to see Auston’s brow furrowed down and he had started shaking his head softly. He lifted one of his hands up from your hip to cup the side of you face, his thumb rubbing the few tears that had slid out away.

“I’m the net, baby,” Auston told you. “Choose to fall. Choose to fall right now. No more swinging. Just be you, the real you, all of the time. I’ll catch you. I promise, I’ll catch you.”

You shook your head, causing his other hand to come up to the other side of his face and hold your head in place for a moment. You had no choice but to look at him as a few tears spilled down your cheeks even though you wanted nothing more than for that not to be occurring right now. Auston pulled his lips in between his teeth as he looked at you.

“Yes, you can,” he assured you. His voice was steady and firm, void of any doubt. He was solid and sure, a rock that had battered storm after storm and never moved an inch. This storm couldn’t hurt him and he knew it. He was tired of standing on the sidelines, watching it hurt the person he loved. “Let go. I’ll catch you. I know it’s a process, but we’ll work on it together. Just try, not for me, but for yourself. Try.”

You closed your eyes and took in a deep breath. You trusted Auston. You trusted him more than anyone else you knew. If you didn’t trust him enough to catch you, to finally stop the spinning, the breaking, the constant unbalanced sensation you carried, then this feeling would be permanent. It couldn’t be permanent. You didn’t want to feel like this anymore. You took a deep breath again. You needed to fall, you just didn’t know how. The look in Austin’s dark eyes told you he was going to be standing there, waiting for you, no matter how messy it was, that he was going to be right there while you figured out how to shed the fake skin you wore and found your footing at yourself. You didn’t know exactly how it was going to work, but the steadiness of his hands and the feeling in your chest told you this was worth the risk.

“Okay, catch me.”

#auston matthews #auston matthews fic #auston matthews imagine #auston matthews writing #folklore writing series #nhl fanfic #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #nhl fic #hockey fanfiction #hockey writing #nhl writing

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thecaffeinebookwarrior · 5 years

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The Many Faces of the Strong Female Character

The much-requested, positive counterpart to my classic “Female Characters to Avoid in Your Writing” and it’s much-later sequel.

Here, I will discuss some of my favorite fictional ladies and what makes them work so well; given my rapturous love of women, there will probably be a sequel! In the meantime, I talk more about portraying female characters here.

Happy writing, everybody! <3

1.) The Warrior

(Gif credit.)

When most people hear “strong female character,” they picture the most popular definition of the term: a stony-faced, emotionally shallow, conventionally attractive broad who punches and kicks stuff. She may occasionally shout things like, “I DON’T NEED NO MAN,” while perhaps punching a small baby.

I decided to start with my wife Diana, because she is the perfect antithesis of this trope. She isn’t stony, she’s courageous. She’s unabashed about showing her doubts, hopes, affections, and optimism. Her love interest never steals her spotlight, but she feels no need to shun romance to appear “strong.” She’s beautiful, but not sexualized or objectified.

And while most Strong Female Characters™ are ironically reduced to damsels in distress at some point in their own narratives, Diana consistently takes the lead, totally autonomous over her own story.

You can kick ass AND love babies, people. Joss Whedon, please take notes.

(Gif credit)

Other examples: Okoye from Black Panther, Furiosa from Mad Max: Fury Road, Rey from Star Wars, and Ser Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones.

2.) The Comedian

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If you haven’t watched Chewing Gum on Netflix, stop whatever you’re doing and watch it right now. Its relatively simple premise – a twenty-four-year-old from a fundamentalist Christian household struggles to lose her virginity – is a segway into a hilarious, genuine exploration of human sexuality, relationships, and how we forge our identities.

Brilliantly portrayed by the series’ creator, Michaela Coel, Tracy is essentially that one friend who knows exactly what you’ve been thinking and isn’t afraid to say so. She is never relegated to a single trope or stereotype. She’s stumbling, clumsily but enthusiastically, through the life experiences that shape us. Most importantly, she is allowed to be sexually curious, awkward, aggressive, insecure, and – I can’t stress this enough – hilarious. The dialogue is infinitely quotable, and endlessly relatable.

(Image source)

Watching shows like Chewing Gum makes me realize how few female characters – and even fe wer Black female characters – are portrayed as truly human. Typically, they’re allowed to be sexy, but not sexual. They’re allowed to be awkward, but only if it’s cute. They can be insecure, but only if that insecurity can easily be solved by the affirmations of a male love interest. And they’re rarely allowed to be the main source of a series’ comedy.

So remember: let your female characters be human. Let them be awkward, funny, sexual philosophers. It’s easier than you think.

(Gif source)

Other examples: Abbi and Ilan from Broad City, Leslie from Parks and Rec, Tina from Bob’s Burgers.

3.) The Drama Queen

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Watching Riverdale is like hurtling along on a structurally unstable rollercoaster. It’s utterly insane, a lot of fun, and once you’re on, you can’t stop.

But amidst the explosions of batshit crazy plot points, killer cults, and the existential perplexity of finding yourself attracted to emo Jughead, there are some real gems. One of these is Cheryl Blossom, and pretty much every plot line surrounding her.

Cheryl is introduced as a fairly one-dimensional, catty mean girl, though the Regina George-esque charisma with which she’s portrayed makes her instantly likable. Initially, we expect her to be a character we’ll love to hate.

(Gif source)

And yet, within the first few episodes, I was impressed by how layered and complex her motivations were. Much of contempt towards others was misdirected rage from an upbringing of extreme emotional abuse, and grief over her dead brother -- all portrayed without a Snape-style condonation of said behavior. By the end of season one, my thoughts were generally, “Oh, crap, I don’t think I can claim to be watching this ‘ironically’ anymore,” and “MORE CHERYL.”

(Gif source)

Season two answered my wish, and then some. Cheryl was saved from an (impressively conscientiously portrayed) attempt at sexual assault by a pack of her female friends, and her attacker got the shit beat out of him in one of the most cathartic moments of modern television.

To the exaltation of my queer heart, she also came out as a lesbian, in a deeply moving story arc that I never would have expected from this show. Without spoiling too much, she and her new love interest kissing in front of anti-gay propaganda footage was legitimately one of the most powerful moments I have ever witnessed.

(Gif source)

Before the season was over, she viciously threatened her abusive, homophobic mother while covered in blood, shot a serial killer with a bow and arrow, and joined a gang. If that’s not gay culture, I don’t know what is.

Oh, how I wish this show was just about her.

Other examples: Alexis from Schitt’s Creek.

4.) The Lovable Bastard

(Gif source)

Ah, The Good Place. I have never experienced such a breath of comedic fresh air. A new philosophical principle each episode, examined and applied in hilarious and thought-provoking ways. A complete absence of harmful stereotypes. Incredibly lovable, three-dimensional, and ever-evolving characters.

I was considering using my queen Tahani for this list, who externally larger-than-life and internally vulnerable after emotional abuse by her parents. Also, she’s hilarious. Everyone and everything in The Good Place is hilarious. And I also thought about talking about Janet, who is the best character in anything ever, but of course:

(Gif source)

Instead, I’ll be talking about bisexual icon Eleanor, who is something very few female characters get to be: the lovable bastard.

(Gif source)

Eleanor, when we first meet her, is not traditionally good in any sense of the word. She turned down a high-paying job because she was expected to be nice to people. She sold placebos to the elderly, and was great at it. She was drunken, slovenly, hedonistic, and selfish. And she’s instantly incredibly likable.

Why and how Eleanor is so enjoyable, even at her very worst, merits an essay all its own. But in a nutshell:

We empathize with her. We are introduced to “The Good Place” completely through her eyes. We are in her shoes.

The stakes are high. When we discover that her entry into the good place was a mistake, we want her to be okay.

We come to understand her, and how her terrible childhood shaped her destructive behavior.

She wants to be a better person, and with time, effort, and character development, we watch her become one.

Not only is this an amazing lesson in how to endear audiences to your character, it is also infinitely refreshing. The most famous lovable bastards are all men -- Han Solo, Dr. House, Captain Jack Sparrow, the Man With No Name, et cetera -- but women are rarely afforded the same moral complexity. If a woman in fiction has done bad things, she’s not usually a lovable bastard. She’s usually a bitch.

Eleanor isn’t just a great character. She conveys an important lesson: women are people. People with the same capacity for mistakes, growth, redemption, and love as anyone else.

(Image source)

Other examples: Chloe from Don’t Trust the B*tch in Apartment 23

5.) The Cinderella

(Gif source)

Yep. I said it. Cinderella is a strong female character.

My girl not only survived in an abusive household, she persistently stayed positive. She worked each day to make the best of an impossible situation, from which she had no means of escape. That takes an insane amount of courage and tenacity.

But Caff, I hear you scream, she needed help to escape!! Well, my imaginary counterargument, so the fuck what? MOST people need help to escape their abusive situations, and there’s no shame in that. Accepting help from someone you trust is the best thing you can do in a situation such as that, and implying otherwise is horribly damaging to victims of abuse.

But she married the prince, you more feebly protest. Yes! She did! She found love and happiness and a great life in a socially influential position! And that’s an amazing message!

So in the flurry of female warriors, let’s not forget Cinderella, who tells people that their terrible circumstances won’t last forever, to stay hopeful and kind, and that accepting help from a trusted friend can lead to a happy life.

Cinderella is a bad bitch, and she deserves her happily ever after.

(Gif source)

Other examples: For some reason, I’m thinking of Sansa from Game of Thrones. When people try to discredit her as a strong character, they often make similar complaints. But both, quite fittingly, end up as queens.

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passable-talent · 4 years

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within the world of markiplier lore... set during the events of A Heist with Markiplier.

this fic is based off the brilliant and fascinating comic by @iiipeashy , using his character insert for the canonical y/n. this will all make a little more sense if you’ve read the comic, so please do... good shit!!!

I got permission before I used it! and if you’re at all interested in the additional backstory (more than I go into here), DEFINITELY check it out. fascinating plot, FANTASTIC art, and FOOD for all of us damien lovers out there. all the love @iiipeashy !!

Griffin knew that making a deal with Mark was akin to making a deal with the devil, but he didn’t realize just how bad it would be.

He should have known when Mark mentioned Damien that any reunion wouldn’t be the one he wanted, but he couldn’t help but take the deal anyway- if Mark could get him out of the mirror, wouldn’t the price be worth it?

Whatever the price may be?

Living in the van was annoying, and dealing with Mark even moreso, but ultimately, the job wasn’t so bad. He was out of the mirror, and he could walk again, live again.

You wouldn’t think you’d miss the sound of footsteps. You do.

Being used as bait, though, wasn’t quite as appetizing. Griffin hadn’t known what Mark meant at the time, but he would come to.

Thirty-one different endings for his little choose-your-own-adventure. One of them even involved Wil, which was quite a shock, but ended up being quite nice, to see an old friend again. Even if he wasn’t the same as when Griffin had seen him last. Thirty-one different endings, and it took weeks, agonizing weeks to film them all. Finally, though, Griffin was filming the last one- number thirty one. This time, he was going to be ‘murdered’ by the sewer cult, faceless figures that Mark conjured up, or roped into his game, just like Griffin. He knew the script, he knew the turns he had to make, he knew what he had to show to the camera strapped to his chest.

But things started going off script.

Immediately, Griffin’s head started pounding, and he looked down, shutting his eyes tightly to try to regain his balance. When he looked up, his surroundings had changed into a old hallway, one he swore he recognized, but he couldn’t place from where.

It was obvious that this wasn’t something Mark planned. That wasn’t Mark’s style- confusing Griffin like this would just lead to more takes, which would lead to wasted time, and Mark didn’t care for wasted time. Whatever this was, it wasn’t Mark’s doing.

A clank from his left made Griffin flinch, and turn, and the sight before him was something that rattled him to the core. On this bleary, colorless brick wall, an ornate frame, lit by a single light- with Mark’s personal chef pictured within it, his eyes scribbled out. Griffin’s head pounded, an echo punching through his skull, of the chef’s words, one of the last times Griffin had talked to him.

“I thought I told you to stay out of my kitchen!”

The phone that Mark had given him as a prop vibrated in Griffin’s pocket, and he fished it out immediately- it wasn’t even supposed to be on. But from an unknown number, he read an unsettling text, his eyes straining to pick out the words on a bright screen against his pounding headache.

Aren’t you tired of it?

Tired of what, Griffin begged to ask, but the dark hallway and the pounding headache made him drop the phone to the side, hoping to focus on one problem at a time. Another clank, this time from his right, forced him to turn, this time to see a photo of the butler, who disappeared from the mansion before Griffin was shot.

“Master would be so displeased! If only he were still alive!”

Every word rocked its way through Griffin’s head, splitting it open with a headache like none he’d experienced since... since he was put in the mirror, actually, all those years ago. When Damien and Celine left him there. The forced expulsion from his own body as it was taken by the siblings had driven a nail between his two temporal lobes, and he hadn’t felt pain like it since. Until now, that is. What was going on?

Another text, and Griffin lifted the phone again, focusing on the words as quickly as he could through the blurriness of detail around him. He didn’t need his glasses anymore, not since he’d gone in the mirror, but with his headache, the pixels of the letters blended together.

Don’t you feel like you’re running in circles?

Well, yeah, but wasn’t that Mark’s point? Who was texting him, anyway? How was this possible? The phone wasn’t even meant to be on.

A light to his left made Griffin look over, and he found a portrait this time of the detective- Abe, his one-time partner. He was an oddball, but Griffin wished him the best... didn’t Wil shoot him?

“I knew I shouldn’t have trusted someone so god-damn gorgeous.”

Once again the phone vibrated, cutting through his splitting headache, which pounded through every echo of every word that Abe said, the sound swirling around him. It wasn’t from some speaker, but it wasn’t inside Griffin’s head, either. It was some combination of the two, hallucination, yet, experience.

No one seems to question it.

The end of the hallway was approaching fast as Griffin stumbled down it, and the last painting within the room was of Wil, his old friend. That weekend at the manor was all the time Griffin had ever gotten to know him, but he felt fondness for him, for all that he went through. Besides- he was the only one who was as willing to fight for Damien and Celine as Griffin was, when everyone else was ready to leave. He not only had his eyes crossed out, but also, the pink mustache was drawn large and curly over his face. Wilford Warfstache, as he had become. Griffin’s eyebrows turned up, his headache making him squint, but still feeling regret at the fate that Wil had suffered, descending into his madness.

“I thought that it was about time that we got to know each other. Far from the prying eyes of...”

The noise continued, but Griffin fought through it, reading the last text he received, this one making four. And he didn’t even know who’d sent them.

But I thought you’d see through it.

All that was left was a door at the end of the hall, and Griffin pushed through it, hoping to find an end, or at least a reprieve. He wasn’t so lucky.

“...anyone else.”

He emerged into a black room, vast yet confining, the whole of it impressing a feeling of both claustrophobia and vulnerability onto Griffin. Spotlights clicked on, leading him forward to one final painting- of Mark himself. Now he was sure that Mark wasn’t behind this.

“But it’s not about me... it’s about you! And who knows... I could be dead tomorrow.”

The eerie laughter and crumbling of the portrait made Griffin cringe away, as though the words he was hearing was putting him back into the mindset he’d had, so long ago, when he didn’t understand Mark’s villainy, nor any of the supernatural forces pushing and pulling at both Griffin’s destiny, and everyone else that Mark surrounded himself with. Griffin hadn’t known, that night, that he was speaking the truth of his own future, through a plan he was acting out. He was always acting.

“Same snake... different skin.” Griffin found that these words didn’t come with a headache, and shut his eyes tightly to push away what he felt, in that moment. Because he would recognize that voice anywhere. That voice, that he’d first heard when they were roommates in a university, and again when they were both trying to make a career in public service. That voice, that belonged to his husband, who chose him to be the district attorney shortly after being elected as mayor.

Damien?

“Always spinning his yarns, his webs... his lies.” Griffin whirled to his left, finding that familiar figure, but instead of the peaceful and honest expression he was so used to seeing on Damien’s face, instead he saw an eerie smile, and Griffin’s eyes fought against the red and blue shift of Damien’s figure in front of him. When a duplicate appeared, like a shadow, with it came a sound that slammed against Griffin’s ears, the force of it almost knocking him sideways.

“I always thought that you were... t̵̮͊r̶̯͒ả̶̮p̴͚͠p̴̗̋e̶͚͐d̵̗͒ in his games.” The sounds continued, always accompanying some terrifying change in his appearance, like he wasn’t really supposed to exist in the three dimensional world.

“Perpetually p̷̙͑l̵̠̋u̵̻̾ṇ̷̋ḡ̴̲i̸̠̍n̸͎̈́g̸̓ͅ down the rabbit holes of his stories.” There was something about this that seemed familiar to Griffin, the way that Damien’s words echoed around him, and back, but deeper, darker.

I am, Griffin tried to say, but found that when he opened his mouth, no sound would come out, and Damien didn’t even react as though he’d tried.

“Helpless,” Damien said, and Griffin tried again, trying to say the same words, I am, I am trapped, but nothing would leave his throat, as though someone had flipped the ‘off’ switch on his voice box.

“Lost.” Damien’s words now seemed only to mock Griffin as he lifted one hand to his throat, and tried again, to force out any sound he could, but he just couldn’t.

“I̸̠͛ ̵̦̏k̵̪̉n̵̩͌o̷͈̐ẅ̷͇ ̴̠͛t̷́ͅȟ̴͕e̶͑ͅ ̴̢̇f̶͎̌e̷͚̊e̸͔͘l̴̝̃i̵̻͗n̴͚̊ḡ̶͍,” Damien growled, his glitching and shifting intensifying, hammering more pain through Griffin’s skull, worsening his feelings of helplessness, because he couldn’t cry out in pain, like the pain itself was shifting between dimensions, just like Damien’s form, just like Selene’s voice.

“Perhaps I̶̬͆'̴̹̉m̵̠̕ the crazy one,” Damien suggested, and finally Griffin realized where he had felt this particular pain before, where he had seen such shifting and glitching.

When Selene brought him to that... shadow realm.

“Perhaps we’ve met a hundred times already, and you simply don’t remember it.” Griffin gripped at his throat again, not moving and yet keeping pace with Damien as he walked, trying to just break through to him- this tortured being who he was once married to.

Damien, he tried to say, but he couldn’t make a sound, and Damien continued on, apathetic, indifferent.

“Perhaps you’re tired of me repeating myself, over, and over, and over, and over, a̸̡̓n̶̠͋d̶͓͌ ̸̭̀ō̵̪ṿ̸̊è̶̡r̷͋͜ ̵̱͗ă̸͕ğ̶̠ä̶̟́í̶̹n̵͚̑.” Every echo and screech and ringing in the massive and yet confining room felt like a needle into Griffin’s brain, and he gripped his throat tighter, his other hand trying to put pressure onto his head, as though it would help.

Damien, please-

“Maybe you just miss my pretty face.” Damien’s eyes went dark, and Griffin found himself on the verge of tears, the powerlessness of his position breaking him down. Damien was in pain- and he didn’t even talk as though he knew who Griffin was. Didn’t he?

“It doesn’t matter. People like you only want one thing.” A red shift beside Damien let out a scream, making Griffin flinch backward, his chest feeling so heavy.

Damien!

“And it’s disgusting.” Damien zipped around, his form reappearing closer to the table he now stood behind, and reached down to pick up a wine glass full of something that didn’t really look like water. “You want answers.” He looked down, losing that eerie smile, and Griffin wondered briefly what such a break in his expression could mean.

“Well,” Damien lifted the glass, and the higher he raised it, the more black the liquid inside became. “Games were always ẖ̷̎ḯ̸͜ș̴̈́ forte.” He paused to drink, and phased for a moment, his stance changing.

“But allow me this one moment of self indulgence.”

Damien, please, fucking hear me-

Griffin was thrown backwards, smacking his spine against the wooden back of a chair, and he realized he was sitting in front of the warden’s desk from the prison set. His vision shot around, trying to pick up any sort of clue, but then it landed on the box, in Damien’s hand. That damn box.

“So much trouble, all for something so small.” He phased into the warden’s chair, sitting across from Griffin, and looked down at the box.

Griffin tried to scream. But he couldn’t.

“Do you really want to know what’s inside this box?” And truthfully, Griffin couldn’t care less. He didn’t care for the silly little setpiece that Mark had conjured for his delusional, rabid fans. Maybe he would have been curious, once, but not with his tortured, lost husband in front of him. Not now.

“The truth. Not the lies he’s told you. The truth.” Griffin ground his teeth together, the hand on his throat still clutching on as though if he squeezed hard enough he could hit the ‘on’ switch of his own voice box.

“Well, I know how much you love good games, and all.” He shifted around, and Griffin’s eyes struggled to keep up with wherever he ended up, the movement throwing his headache against his temples.

“Throughout this... heist, I’ve hidden codes. Several codes.” The symbols blinking behind Damien made a cold realization sink into Griffin’s skin.

Damien wasn’t even talking to him.

“Find them all, and...”

Griffin wasn’t even there, to Damien. He was a vessel to speak to Mark’s audience.

“You’ll get your truth.”

Damien had no idea that he was so close to Griffin, so close, all of this was to talk to the audience, not Griffin. Did Damien even know that Griffin was alive?

“But that’s all I’m gonna give you.”

Out of the void surrounding Griffin came sounds, like the room around him was falling down, crashing to the floor. Rumbling, and Damien was fading away, his expression no longer angry, but fading into quiet sorrow.

No! Griffin tried to yell, and he tried to hold on, but whatever or whoever was pulling him out or pushing him away was too strong for him. Damien faded from his vision with screeching and rumbling and creaking...

And when he opened his eyes, he was on the steps of the museum, at the beginning of the ‘heist’ script.

“No,” He murmured, his voice hollow, and the triumph of hearing his voice again was trumped by Griffin’s soul-consuming anger, sadness, grief, that he’d seen Damien again, but didn’t get to speak with him, and now he was gone, and Griffin had no way back. He fell to his knees, letting the same word rise to a scream of anguish, of defeat, as he looked up at the colorful, happy windows of the closed museum.

Damien had called out, and he’d reached Griffin. And he hadn’t even known it.

Griffin’s resolve hardened, his heart hardened. Any fondness that he may have still been grasping on to for his old friend Mark was gone, and he vowed that he’d destroy Mark.

For what he’d done, for using Griffin to lure in Damien, for everything.

He was going to destroy Mark.

-🦌 Roe

thank u, @iiipeashy , for singlehandedly restoring my motivation to write, if only for an afternoon

#reader insert #y/n #damien x y/n #damien x reader #wkm #wkm damien #wkm y/n #wkm darkiplier #heist with markiplier #a hiest with markiplier #a heist with markiplier #heist darkiplier #heist damien #heist da #wkm da #who killed markiplier #angst #spoilers

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alovevigilante · 3 years

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Life is really amazing if you stop to think about it. We have a myriad of energies and experiences to choose from. I’ve spent most of my life, in one to three energies at best: Meh, eh, and feh with variations of intensity. Now, I want to choose more, and better.

Love enables all kinds of experiences: people, who are all innately love, don’t always choose the love experience in their lives due to the 3D reality they perceive, making it their reality in most cases.

This is subject to a case by case basis. But most of us, even in the most dire of circumstances, can escape them with our thoughts. History has shown that time and time again with the heroes that have changed the course of the collective social consciousness’s momentum.

For example, mlk jr., Harriet Tubman, and others. They were so resolute in their thoughts and loving beliefs that their experience changed the course of history for the better just by their mere focus and fearless dedication to it. I want to be just like them. But I do it the way I know how, and can. And I contribute my love and sensibility through laughter, and writing my truth. That is my love, so that’s how I share it. We all have different ways of sharing our love. I admire the people who do share it from that place within themselves. And spread it all around to affect the planet. You can feel it, even if you’re not directly involved in real time. I still feel MLK jr. and Harriet Tubman’s love. Love is a never ending energy that we can tap into anytime we’d like. Just by the thinking about it, we can experience it. So I’m deciding right now, and right now and right now, to experience love.

I have to disagree with Julius Robert Mayer’s first law of thermodynamics, also known as Law of Conservation of Energy, that states that “energy can neither be created nor destroyed; energy can only be transferred or changed from one form to another.” *(1) I believe that we can and do create energy in a 5D sense, with our thoughts. (5th dimension being our thoughts within our mind that create the perceived world we see.) in the 5th dimensional realm we create thoughts and scenarios constantly that formulate feelings that turn into energy that can be measured (in waves), thereby making it its own legitimate dimension. When we act upon said thoughts that have been created by our minds, we are sharing that very created energy for a mutually shared experience. But not everyone experiences in the same way due to their individual filters and past experiences. So individual results will vary.

We can also dispel or eradicate energy, with our focus on the specific energy we choose to experience. Energy can be dispelled within our own perceptions in the 5D, and eradicated once it’s realized in the 3D. You can refocus on a better, more positive thought within your mood reach. Like right now, for example. One could be reading this, and calling me a lunatic for my theories. But in my chosen energy, mostly positive, I have decided to eliminate any negative backlash and pushback to one’s thoughts about my beliefs, therefore having it not affect my behavior in the slightest, unless I choose to allow it. It can happen if I’m not completely conscious of my thoughts.

But I do believe Julius Robert Mayer is correct when he states his law in a 3D sense (3D meaning the 3 dimensional world of form we have mutually created and share in the physical realm), that energy can neither be created or destroyed, because it has to go somewhere. So when someone creates the energy in their 5D thoughts, and gives it to another with their 3D actions (words or physical actions), and it’s not accepted by another, it has to remain with the creator until they can get rid of it themselves with their personal focus on a more positive thought, or pass the energy they created, either positive or negative, to someone else. That’s why it’s important to create only good energy with your thoughts, so that if another person doesn’t accept the energy you are offering, regardless of the emotional charge, you aren’t left with a negative feeling.

The fifth dimensional theory is palpable to all thinking humans, because the whole of us shares that very same thinking capability, therefore that dimension must exist and be shared. If we are capable of communicating thoughts, the thoughts must come from somewhere, and we all think in a similar biological fashion (in a literal sense, not figurative) therefore we are all experiencing that dimensional plane in the same way; perceiving life through our individual filters, and with our focus to specific things, and acting accordingly. We do not necessarily share the same thoughts, but we do share the same process of biologically creating the thoughts. The process of thought itself, is its own energetic entity, therefore contains an energy source, which is created by us. Thoughts formulate the potential energy to create the things into 3 dimensional form which is the kinetic energy, in action. That is how things are realized into the 3D. It goes from consciousness, measured in waves, to us being the catalysts for creation. But first the thoughts need to be created within consciousness to bring the concepts into being. I read a wonderful bbc article about consciousness and quantum physics. Feel free to check it out. It touches base on the study and the proposed link of the two: http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20170215-the-strange-link-between-the-human-mind-and-quantum-physics

I only mention this because if we can create thoughts that create the life and interactions that we perceive, we have the ability to do better with our creations. The 5th dimension is shared, so it’s a common bond of humanity as a whole. There is no I, there is only we. We are all connected, and our thoughts affect and effect the whole, and do indeed matter to the betterment of all people. Cleaning up our thoughts, is what will change everyone and everything. It will effect how we interact with the world, and how we feel about ourselves and one another. Love does that. It’s the most powerful energy there is. Nothing can compare, or override it if coming from a genuine thought.

So, all that said, I want to focus solely on people who choose to experience love, and what they create: ie. music, dance, art, design, writing, sports, theater, movies, and building stuff, and all kinds of things that people who are inspired by love, do. It feels better.

And there’s more! There’s love in other ways too. For example, in service to humanity by helping, investing time, money and effort in kids, the elderly, animals, and in the environment we all share, even if it’s halfway around the world. It’s also investing in those in need, and those who have things to share too. Love affects, and effects all of us, and the lack of it does as well. Investment, if done properly, makes for a completely fulfilling life.

So, from now on I’m going to deliberately try to choose loving energies. Here are a few I’m trying out: kindness, caring, laughter, social involvement, and celebration of people. Cause I want to feel good, so that I can share it with others, and they can feel good too. It’s a way of life I hope catches on, and everyone becomes addicted to.

Everyone has their own definition of love. Choose yours, and test it out. Life is about experimentation. You are your own constant, even though as you evolve, your variables may change. And not everyone shares the same definition of love that you do. So seek and find your like-minded energies through the love that you are attracted to. See how it suits you. You can always switch it up.

People may judge you as crazy, or a joke. That is an indication that those people do not share your definition of love, or are not willing to share the same energy that you are choosing. That’s ok too. Depending on what you want to experience, you have a choice whether to accept their rejection, or move forward toward where there is love for you.

(Please note: this is not a personal rejection of you, because all people are love, so there’s nothing to reject. It is only a rejection of their perceived energy, and that only they can control, so it’s different.) So you do not have to take it personally if they don’t treat you with the respect you deserve, although it may feel badly at first. Sometimes people aren’t in a place to recognize or accept love. And that’s ok as well. You will learn eventually, that the love is where it feels good. So move toward that, and allow them to experience the energy that they have created, without issue.

It is essentially their choice, to accept or reject themselves, by entertaining the loveless energy that they themselves have created. Also important to note, that loveless energy is both perceived and felt, so it’s good if you care about the relationships you foster to continue frequent communication and definition without defensiveness. Intention, is important to people as well. All of these things, are best done in person, because the added element of technology creates a barrier to humanity that makes it difficult in deciphering true intention. So put down the phones and computers, and talk. You can tell by looking in one another’s eyes. Cause the eyes don’t lie.

This post isn’t meant to incite anger or hostility. And however you choose to define yourself, love and your life is your personal choice. You will get no argument from me in that regard anymore. I have learned my lesson trying to argue my theory of love with a person that didn’t agree with my stance. And arguing, isn’t love, or a loving energy, therefore making it a mute point on both ends. I didn’t like how that experience left me feeling, so I won’t do it again... I’m just pointing out an alternate way to happiness if you’d like to try it out. That’s it. No judgement of your personal life choices or definitions unless they are affecting people directly, which they do. They affect you.

I believe that life should be easy, and fun. Define it your way, and design it to your liking! Here’s to the love. ❤️😎💪

*(1.) My affiliation is being an observing and active member (simultaneously) of the human race for 46 plus years. My accreditation is the fact that I’m a thinking human being with thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. I’m a work in progress, still in the graduate school of life. I use myself as an energy experiment, majoring in my personal love to suit the whole of us, with a minor in ways to achieve our collective happiness, and I usually document my experiences according to my filter. I use my energetic experiences to support my theories. (No snark intended.)

I just found this great article on this very subject: https://www.authenticityassociates.com/the-quantum-mechanics-of-changing-thoughts/

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thepandemicinterviews · 3 years

Text

Lily, December 13 2020, Sydney

The Guardian recently asked their readers how they would describe 2020 in one word. The top two words were ‘shit’ and ‘fucked’. I, too, am partial to the simplicity of a swearword, as you’ll see towards the end of this interview with Lily. I noticed as well our constant usage of crazy and insane to describe anything from literature to dreams to the general feeling of this year. Much like shit or fucked: when faced with utter absurdity, it is difficult for our brains to not reach for the most compact yet forceful words to express a sense of awe (in one of my psychology classes this year, we learnt that awe is apparently a combination of fear, joy, surprise, and embarrassment). There is no value judgment here: crazy, in the sense used below, is not good or bad. There are some emotional reactions that resist language – these overused words are a placeholder for silently screaming. Anyway, let’s lean into the madness and await catharsis. It’s okay to surrender every once in a while.

Today I thought of a better word to describe 2020. Tragicomedy. Merriam-Webster defines tragicomedy as ‘a drama or a situation blending tragic and comic elements.’ Tragicomedy goes hand in hand with a sense of alienation from reality. Amidst long stretches of despair and disconnection, there has been no shortage of satirical articles to help us along. Empty laughter is still laughter. And then there are tears, the ultimate symbol of the tragic. To quote myself in the interview, there’s a lot to cry about.

I honestly feel that tragicomedy is the literary genre that most resembles real life. Or perhaps it is a lens through which to narrativise real life, one that allows for the interlacing of misery and humour. Perhaps some of us are more inclined towards drama than others.

Lily and I were Tumblr mutuals for a few months or a few years, I’m not sure, before finally meeting through real life mutual friends. I was immediately drawn to Lily’s intelligence, her love of literature and all that is slightly intangible. Her unpretentious brilliance and interest in the lives of others resounds loudly in our interview. I feel blessed, and I feel warm, to have recorded this conversation.

With the close of our-year-in-chaos, 2020, as our backdrop, Lily and I ponder dreams, crying, pleasure, and the mysterious early months of the coronavirus. For those who make it to the end of the interview: sadly we did not see any shooting stars as we got the day wrong. But that shouldn’t stop us, or you, from wishing and dreaming for a less tragic 2021.

C: Hi Lily. What’s been on your mind recently?

L: Oh man. A lot of things. Who am I? What am I? And what is this? [Laughs.] I think at the moment I’ve just been very surprised and overwhelmed by being a person. It’s been a very strange year and I’ve been reading a very strange writer in a very strange context for that writer. And I think I’ve just felt sort of strange coming out of that experience now that things are open. And it just feels very strange to be among people again, sort of, and really missing that. But also finding it all very odd. I think when you spend a lot of time, you forget what it is you are. In both a good and bad way. Do you agree Chloe?

C: Well, I’m thinking about how the person you are, or how you conceptualise who you are, when you spend a lot of time with yourself and not with other people – it can change a lot as soon as you start spending a lot of time around other people. Who you are, like what you think you are.

L: I think a lot of what has happened this year is people have spent a lot of time with themselves, and for some that has meant lots of really wonderful things like hobbies and things that they would’ve never taken up if they were living their day to day life with lots of friends and family. Loneliness can always have a very creative effect on people. But I think simultaneously now that we’re all among each other again a bit more, lots of the self-focused things that people were doing during lockdown have made them maybe slightly more intolerant to other people? That’s my experience. At least, both for myself and for others. I don’t know, it’s so strange. I used to never be bothered by other people’s daily things. It used to just not bother me, but suddenly it’s like really irritating.

C: You’re standing too close to me…

L: Exactly, you’re standing too close to me, did you just sneeze. All of these absurd reactions.

C: Literally a year ago today we would have never considered someone coughing on the train concerning.

L: No, exactly. In fact, I used to take pride in not being concerned by anything like that. I was like, the poor person is sick! Good on them for being out and about. That’s really changed. Now it’s like, oh my god, if you get me sick and then I kill someone.

C: There’s so much involved.

L: I actually had a funny experience the other day where – and this is partly why I actually felt like it was sort of fate, Chloe, that you asked to interview me at this point in the year. It’s true, because I think in the early part of the year, I don’t know, I was just – there were a lot of different experiences I was just sort of overwhelmed by. I underwent so many transformations in mood throughout this whole period. And I only think now that I’m sort of coming to a breaking point in my experience of this whole thing.

C: That’s amazing.

L: It is good! And I think yesterday, I just felt really happy. I just felt relieved somehow. I just had this sort of sense of relief in my heart that we’d come to the better side of what all of this is.

C: And the rest of the world is undergoing the worst they’ve ever seen.

L: Undergoing the worst, I know. And that’s so alienating. I think that’s actually probably been my worst and main feeling this year is just feeling sort of alienated from my own experience, from other people. Not really knowing how to talk to people in Melbourne, not really knowing how to talk to my family in the UK and in America. Because I’ve just felt like what was going on for me was just really different. It’s been that combined with I think just, in many ways, it’s just been overwhelming but sort of alienating being inside a lot for a long period of time. Or sort of the opposite of alienating such that you don’t get used to the amount of alienation. Like when you go out in the world and you are different from it, I think there’s a slight sort of alienation but in a really productive way, a way that’s really fun and enjoyable. But this year being inside a lot, you sort of lack all feelings of alienation and completely dwell in your own space, such that you go outside and you’re much more alienated because it’s no longer that nice, sort of productive space anymore. You’re not really a part of that. You feel like you are your house. Space is such a strange thing. When you move through lots of different spaces in the world, you sort of feel more like you’re simply you, in your body, as opposed to an entire space. And I think that’s a nice balance. Being able to envision yourself in different spaces and that’s not too alienating, you just feel part of it, I think. Did that make any sense or was that completely chaotic?

C: It was very chaotic, but I’m thinking about like space at a warehouse party where there’s no space and everyone’s… But there’s enough space that it’s comfortable but you know, you’re surrounded by people and that being allowed.

L: Yeah, it does weird things to people. I think I was originally going to tell a story but then that ended up breaking up into a million different thoughts.

C: Do you know what the story was?

L: Yeah, I do. It has to do with how I sort of came to a breaking point and it’s the significant thing that has happened at the end in terms of Covid this year, in terms of my life this year. Not like in itself as an event, but I felt like a sort of lead up to some event like this. Which was, a couple of days ago I had my first ballet exam. So I did that.

C: First ever?

L: First ever ballet exam. Which was really fun. It was really stressful, but it was fine.

C: Were you with other people?

L: Yeah, I was with two fourteen year olds. So I did that. I hadn’t had any breakfast because I was nervous for the exam. And then I went to the library and I had a talk at 2pm in front of the English faculty and all my Honours cohort. And it was just on something you’d learnt, so of course I hadn’t written it. I just thought, I’ve learnt so many things, I’ll be able to just come together and say something. And I ended up sort of thinking what could I use to reflect on my year. And I found some sort of quote from one of my second year essays. It wasn’t even a particularly good essay, but I was like yeah, I think that quote that I wrote about in that essay really fits this whole theme. And we’re at this talk and the first two speakers at the event were quite funny. Very well curated talks. One girl even said afterwards that she’d recorded herself speaking, which I found fascinating that she’d recorded herself. I was like, wow, these five to seven minutes were…

C: That important to her.

L: They were that important! She was going to make them good. I, on the other hand, wrote my speech in forty minutes when I hadn’t had lunch or breakfast. It was like 1:30pm. Anyway, I loved those two speakers. I still pretty much had faith in myself to speak on the spot and say something, which was maybe cocky. It was so strange when I got up and started speaking, and the first thing I said was, it’s so nice just to be here in this space among humans. I just started going on about how everyone looked so different three-dimensionally. It was so nice to hear voices, I just wanted to hear voices. That was sort of why I wanted to do this [laughs]. I just missed hearing the human voice. And I just started crying! Like, really crying. So much, at one point I was like okay, I’m just going to take a few breaths. I took a few breaths, and as I went back to talk I sort of like – you know when someone sort of cry-coughs in this weird way? And as I sort of cry-coughed trying to speak, a big bit of snot flew out of my nose, onto my hand!

C: How many people are here?

L: Like all of my English professors. The room was full with thirty-five people maybe. People who are my teachers. Everyone was there. When I saw the snot – there were no tissues, because obviously everyone’s like, no one should be sick if they’re going to be out, so we didn’t have tissues around. What they did have was a bloody Covid anti-bacterial cloth [laughs]. I sort of looked at it, went to grab it, and then was like, okay, no. That would be too much.

C: So good. A real Covid story!

L: Yeah. But I genuinely, I just kept crying, it was horrible. I completely lost the thread of what I was saying. I was like, I read Middlemarch in [so-and-so’s] class, and it was really good. And I thought that Dorothy and Will’s love was real – I just said all these ridiculous things. And I told everyone that before Honours, I used to dream about my essays, but I found instead this year it was really boring, which is probably the worst thing that I said!

C: You didn’t have any dreams about your essays?

L: I used to dream about my essays.

C: But not this year?

L: I probably have dreamt about them this year, but I’ve had fewer essays. And they’ve just been research essays, where the sensation of dreaming, it’s more like a nightmare. It’s like, oh my god, did I say that?

C: Do you dream about them after they’re written or are they like dreams that are conjuring up ideas?

L: Okay, I have to admit I still do have dreams in the nice way. But like probably two. Whereas I used to just have dreams, they used to be relaxing, that was the main thing that happened with essays.

C: What did one of the dreams look like?

L: Where you feel like you’re – I’ve always just described the sensation of just like getting deeper into something. You’re just like, yes, I’m going to get the mystery of this whole subject! I can feel the mystery in my fingers. Just this really sort of crazy sensation that makes you not want to wake up because it’s so good.

C: Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever had an essay dream. It sounds fantastic. Mine are like quite just not clear.

L: How do you feel in your dreams?

C: I feel like I’m just not really there. I don’t really have thoughts, I’m just… It’s not linked to me.

L: Yeah, they’re not linked to you. They’re not like intense.

C: They’re intense, but they’re not linked to my real life in the way that digging into your already existing essay is.

L: Right. They’re sort of glimpses of worlds. Is that how it feels? Are they like human worlds or are they like colours?

C: Oh yeah. No, I have dreams about things that are happening.

L: Not like directly happening to you.

C: It all feels a bit vague and murky. It’s not like a sharp, like, we’re writing an essay.

L: It’s funny, I mean I wouldn’t describe them as sharp because they’re still vague, but I think it’s more like a degree of intensity. Because you wake up in the morning, you don’t know what – like what can I say except that I was dreaming about the essay. Sometimes I can articulate clear ideas but they’re always just completely nonsensical if you go to say them. They just sound like very weird words. Someone’s always doing something unexpected, something that just doesn’t really fit or even necessarily reveal anything deep and meaningful. There’s this really chaotic element, and then there’s this sort of sharp sensation that it’s linked to something that is going on, maybe, with your life. And maybe that’s what – you have a dream, you don’t necessarily feel like it actually reflects anything in your real life in a clear – yeah, it’s not connected to that. It’s something else. But I think my dreams are vague. I don’t know anyone who has non-vague dreams. Can you imagine?

C: No, my friend has like really detailed and long dreams. And she can write it all out and it’s like a whole page.

L: I can write out my dreams. But they’re just crazy.

C: So you remember them?

L: I do remember them, yeah. If I write them.

C: But I wake up and I can’t remember it to the point of writing it. I can kind of feel it.

L: You feel that you had a dream.

C: I can feel it, and I maybe get little glimmers of a memory, but then it goes.

L: Yeah. I find those little hauntings so strange when you get a glimmer of a memory of a dream. It’s so crazy. I think because I dream a lot, I often have them throughout the day but I can’t remember when I dreamt that dream. But it gives everything an eerie feeling. Like what the hell. It’s like I’m living another life sort of in their dream and it’s affecting me emotionally. But just like, what’s the relationship between that dreaming world and that world that you didn’t consciously produce.

C: And for some people the lines are more blurred.

L: For sure. I think it’s always scared me, I feel for me they’re quite blurred. And I think it’s a scary sensation, you really can’t go too far with that.

C: Yeah.

L: I think honestly the thing that’s blurred the lines for me the most is literature and dreaming. I always find it really surprising that other people don’t realise how crazy literature is. It’s insane. What’s disconcerted me and what particularly disconcerted me on that day at the talk at the English department was I was like, how do people study this stuff? Like what is going on here. All of these people are dressed up like this is their job? This is the craziest thing in the world! Literature is insane! Do you guys know what you’re doing?

C: Let’s stop pretending. Stop wearing those suits.

L: Why are we pretending? I think particularly while I was crying, I was like, if you think this is crazy, have you ever read a book? You guys, you’ve all read books. This is normal, this is fine, this stuff happens. Much worse happens!

C: No, it’s the best place to do that.

L: Yes.

C: Citi did a similar thing in her acting class. She was meant to be doing some kind of role play. And then she just started laughing, and then crying, and she couldn’t stop.

L: No! Yes. Ugh. I hate that, I hate that. I mean, it’s sort of – I love criers, I love people who cry. I think crying can be incited by so many things. Crying, I think, it’s often its best and its worst at times when you’ve experienced some bit of rejection or grief. Like it doesn’t have to be a real rejection, just you perceive rejection. And if one other disappointment just really sort of crushes something of you at that moment, and it needs to be released in tears. And it can feel really good. It’s intense, though.

C: It’s intense in front of other people.

L: Yeah. Why does it feel so embarrassing? It’s all snotty.

C: Imagine if people just cried all the time around each other.

L: Some people can’t cry. My boyfriend’s like, I don’t cry, I can’t cry.

C: That’s fucked.

L: I don’t understand. I definitely cry once a week.

C: Same. There’s a lot to cry about.

L: There’s a lot to cry about. I used to have amazing crying fits before I was in a relationship. Now you can’t really have crying fits unless you’re by yourself.

C: You live with someone.

L: You live with someone and they’re like, what is wrong? And you’re like, I just need to do this.

C: It feels good.

L: Yeah, it’s hard for people to imagine. Some people just completely freak out about crying. When I came home I told my housemate what had happened, and he said, that sounds terrible, I wouldn’t have liked to be in the audience. There are just a lot of people for whom criers are just really embarrassing. And they’re just like, oh my god, I can’t believe you’re expressing emotion, I would never do that.

C: And that’s literature. It’s so tied to expressing emotion in socially not accepted ways.

L: Yes, for sure. All the different ways that people cope. Which is so strange to think. I can’t imagine being a person who doesn’t think about that all the time. How do people cope? What are they doing? There are so many ways of doing it, but you don’t know unless you talk to people or you read books, what’s going on for them. And often people don’t at least talk to each other in that sort of way. It’s more of a thing now amongst the young. But still, even though, lots of people have a lot of trouble. And you can always get better, really. It’s kind of like, I don’t really know entirely what’s going on with me obviously. No one knows for sure. Like we were talking about earlier, sort of with psychology, there’s only so much you get to know yourself without someone else.

[Both deeply sigh.]

C: Just seeing that in writing, like, both sigh deeply [laughs].

L: That was a massive sigh! I think we both needed to take a breath as well.

C: My yoga class today I found that I could breathe in time to [the instructor] a lot easier, a lot more naturally. Like my breathing improved. So that was nice.

L: That’s beautiful. The breathing is so nice, right? I used to hate breathing, but I like it now.

C: It’s a muscle that you have to train.

L: Yeah, it’s true. When it’s properly trained. I think running has really helped train my breath. I love the feeling of deepening your lungs. A sort of internal stretch.

C: Beautiful. Internal stretch. Good band name, perhaps?

L: It’s a bit scary! Chloe! This is hilarious.

* * *

L: I’ve really just missed overhearing conversations actually. That’s the one thing I wanted to tell you was that there’s something particularly beautiful about your blog to me, because the thing that I’ve missed most is not hearing other people have conversations. For almost no point as well, like a conversation that’s purely just about like, who are you, who am I, what’s going on? You know what I mean?

C: Yeah, and people have a lot to say if you ask.

L: Exactly, exactly. If you are just a bit curious.

C: Often in social settings, in a group, you don’t really get to ask about people’s thoughts and feelings.

L: Yeah, it’s true. I think often we just wait for people to come to us to say things that they want to say. There are so many things that people would just never say for that reason because they’re not going to think that you’re interested.

C: It’s amazing what a bit of interest can do to someone. That’s all like counselling. Someone actually cares.

L: Someone cares. Interest makes people interesting, usually, as well. Because they don’t just give you the sort of one word, ordinary answer where it’s just for the sake of it. If you actually seem interested, they might try to give you a real answer.

C: Ask further questions.

L: What’s the most interesting question someone has ever asked you? Or is there any question that someone has asked you and you’ve been like, wow, that was really psychic?

C: I can’t think of anything right now.

L: It’s hard to come up with on the spot.

C: Can you think of anything?

L: No, actually. But I think one thing that I’ve noticed, I used to not answer people’s questions because I thought they weren’t interesting. But then I went through this period of really liking it, and now I think this year almost I haven’t been that interested in people’s questions. Which I think is strange. It’s strange not just really really liking people’s questions. Maybe people haven’t really asked me any questions. Because I haven’t had that experience this year very much of having questions posed to me, and finding that interesting. I was noticing the other day, I was just like, what has happened? Has someone done this to me? Do I not like questions anymore? But I think that’s just, when you’re not at university and you’re not meeting people very often, people you don’t see day to day. People day to day, who live with you day to day often don’t ask you big questions. They’ll ask you little questions and because they observe you every day, they don’t necessarily realise that there might be all kinds of things going on inside of you unless you express that.

* * *

L: Pleasure is a very good thing. I don’t like it as much as I used to though. I don’t know, in some ways I like it more.

C: What kinds of pleasure? Just like pleasure in its purest form?

L: Yeah, enjoying food, sex, music. Very sort of sensory excitement. Genuine pleasure.

C: Those are the three pleasures! Food, sex, music.

L: There are other pleasures, but… Reading novels is a different sensation, it’s not quite as immediate. You have to build a sort of story. And of course, we can feel ourselves as part of stories as well and that can be very pleasurable sometimes. It’s like, I’m this sort of person, I have this sort of trace, these are my people. That stuff can be really meaningful even if not sort of directly pleasurable in the same way. I think that’s the really nice thing about direct pleasure, it takes you away from that more satisfying pleasure, like you’re on the sort of story narrative. People need a break from that, because often people don’t feel like they’re in a very good story.

C: I have just over – I don’t know, maybe it’s not over, like maybe it’s just normal and good – I just always create these narratives for what’s going to happen, what that means, and it never works that way. So I should stop narrativising but, you know, it’s instinctual.

L: It’s so instinctual. But the horrible thing about it I find is that it’s not just sort of narrativising what has happened, it is narrativising what’s going to happen in the future. When it comes to the future, it’s terrible because you just have so little control over it. So basically whatever you imagine is just not going to happen. Unlike with the past where it’s already happened.

C: Exactly. Sometimes I’m like, if I’m imagining this, it won’t happen. The chances are.

L: It’s true.

C: I just had a bit of a rollercoaster and I’ve come to the point where I’m like relationships don’t happen. Like it’s impossible. I’m not going to try to date anymore because it’s just futile.

L: Dating is one of the hardest things to try to plot and plan. Like you can meet people, but I think the worst thing is that a lot of people who are looking to meet people are a little bit – like they’re looking to meet lots of people, or they’re not necessarily looking to have a proper relationship. And if they are, often that doesn’t work out either because two people who are just looking to have a relationship aren’t going to work out.

C: Yeah, it takes away the spontaneity.

L: Yeah, not just the spontaneity but sometimes then you are with someone who you don’t want to be with. So how’s it going to last? Whereas, if you’re sort of compelled to be together…

* * *

L: Wow. I can’t believe we’re coming to the end of this sort of historical event, this year, 2020. Though it’s so weird it was called Covid-19. That always screwed me. It made no sense.

C: It’s because it existed in December 2019.

L: I know.

C: But no one knew. It’s crazy, have you gone back to any old news articles about it? You should.

L: I have something to confess, which is I was obsessed with the news story so early on, when there were like twenty cases.

C: No, me too! Like it all hit one day, when I was reading all these New York Times briefings on the plane. I was like, whoa, it’s spreading. But it was still such low numbers in those days. We had no idea.

L: I was reading about it before they knew that it was contagious. Like far before they knew that. Where they thought people only got it directly from an animal – there was that whole story. And the reason why I was so obsessed with it is because I was convinced that – well, I was very very unwell at that time and I thought I had Covid. In a way that made no sense whatsoever, made everyone think that I was crazy. Actually used all my data while I was travelling on reading about the twenty cases in the entire world! And I was just like, I am dying! The story gets me! We’re all going to die! Sam was just like, this makes no sense. You’re completely insane. It’s so weird. I still find that so strange. I was convinced when it was completely crazy. It’s because I was extremely unwell and probably did have Covid.

C: Do you think?

L: Yeah, well they know now through the poop samples that people in Italy had it in December as well.

C: Really?

L: I was there all through January, in all the busy museums, and I got this very very strange sickness where I just started with a cough and a fever, and it was a really really awful cough. Like I coughed blood, I was really really unwell. And I’d never been sick in that particular way with a cough and a fever. And like a horrible cough. I felt like I was going to die, like my lungs were going to collapse or something. I was so confused. That’s why I was so obsessed with the story, it just seemed really dramatic.

C: That sounds like you had it!

L: And Sam had the same thing, it was really weird. We had the same identical coughing and fever.

C: Okay, you definitely had Covid then.

L: Yeah, I think it probably was Covid! But it was unthinkable!

C: Yeah, you’re perfect for this interview. This is great content.

L: I’ve definitely told so many people that story this year because it’s just so dramatic. But when I came back in February, people were still like, it’s just a media… Like it’s not here at all.

C: Yeah, respectable people. It was like, it’s anti-China.

L: Which was a reasonable sort of thing to think. You know what I mean.

C: Yeah, because they were blocking international students. Like that was a trigger.

L: Yeah, and of course there’s been a lot of Australia-China stuff for a long time, so it makes sense.

C: And now the fact of anyone coming into the country without being in hotel quarantine is unthinkable.

L: Is unthinkable, yeah.

C: Crazy how we’ve just switched.

L: We’ve just completely adapted. Now like, yep, this is the way it is. Hard to even imagine post-pandemic life. Where we don’t have to wash our hands, or sign in to a restaurant, get a Covid test if we get a cold.

C: I haven’t been tested. I haven’t had a cold.

L: I haven’t been sick basically at all this year, except for last weekend, where I had a day where I sort of sneezed twice. I felt kind of unwell, I had a bit of a fever. Well, I felt I did and a sore throat. But it just sort of cleared away the next day. Sam was really unwell, so I thought I had got his – Sam was like, he’s been coughing and…

C: Did he get tested?

L: He’s been tested like a million times. He’s been sick a lot this year which is hilarious, because I haven’t been sick at all and I always get sick. But for some reason he’s gotten sick heaps this year. It’s sort of completely reversed. But I think actually, he said that in previous years he would never sort of give himself the permission to be sick because he would just keep wanting to go on and do stuff. But now because you can’t do that, because you’re like, well you might kill someone if you…

C: Yeah, it’s so extreme.

L: It’s so extreme. So when he’s felt sick, he’s been like, okay, I’m sick. And I think he’s actually been sick in this sort of – it’s very very odd.

C: Like he’s willed it onto himself.

L: Well, he’s just like, well now it’s okay. I’m going to say I’m sick right now. I’m just going to be sick. Whereas previously he’d almost pretend like he wasn’t, because he would prefer to keep living his life as normal. You can’t just keep living your life as normal if you’re sick anymore.

C: It’s rough.

L: I forgot what the question was.

C: There was no question. I don’t feel like I’ve asked any questions except for the first one. And that’s all we need! It was the perfect opener. Maybe I’ll do one last question. What kind of writing or any kind of art do you think will come out of, or be used in future works…?

L: About this period?

C: How do you think it’ll affect the literary landscape or film landscape?

L: Yeah. It’s a very very good question. I think a lot of things could happen. Because this year has pushed so many people to spend so much time with people they wouldn’t usually spend so much time with. As well as taking them away from other people. And force them to interact in entirely different ways. So I think there’s going to be a lot in terms of the sorts of relationships people have during Covid. I think the whole experience of people starting to date someone at the beginning of Covid, Covid happened, then they basically moved in with each other and got married. That is so weird! I think people are going to be writing about that sort of experience for a long time, because I think that would be so bizarre emotionally.

C: It’s like the first ever universal experience that we, in our generation, have experienced.

L: It really is. And I think that’s why in the beginning I was almost slightly excited. Like I remember looking on people’s Facebooks and being like, wow, I’m bonding with everyone!

C: Yeah, absolutely! But now it’s split off in so many…

L: Yeah! I think what’s so strange is that we had that experience, and for that reason at the beginning of the pandemic I was like, maybe people will become closer to one another, and be more reflective. I don’t know, like they’ll feel closer to each other. But I think actually it’s come out the other end and there’s a lot of alienation. And yeah, I think for that reason, there’s probably going to be lots of weird art about that as well.

C: Covid and conspiracy theories and Trump, all in the same very concentrated time. It’s like they all bounce off each other to create awfulness.

L: Under these sorts of circumstances, you can see why people would believe all sorts of insane things. It’s been an insane year. And I think a lot of the problems that we had before in terms of people being isolated, and they’re in their own sort of groups, whether they be good or completely awful. Just becoming completely radicalised. That has all been pushed to a much greater extreme than we could’ve foreseen. It was something that was happening much more gradually. I’m very very interested, and I kind of hope that we’ve reached a crisis point, and that this year leads to things getting better not worse. Like it hasn’t sort of just pushed the worst along. That’s the thing I hope the most for.

C: Well, definitely looks like some things have happened. Like Trump is no longer going to be president. Huge. Also, other thing that comes to mind is that Medicare-funded psychology sessions is up to 20. So maybe there’ll be more good things.

L: There will, yeah. Lots of things have shifted. Lots of people have gotten things that they wouldn’t have had otherwise this year. And I think myself included, I don’t think I would’ve learnt Italian this year without having a lot of money from the government.

C: And time.

L: And time! And I wouldn’t have felt as bored so as to be compelled to do it.

C: And now you’re going to be studying Italian!

L: Now I’m studying Italian next year! And I love languages! Lots of people have gotten weird good things out of this year. You can’t plan, you don’t know what’s going to happen. Sometimes I think – at least there was a point in the year where I really felt this – that Covid was just mixing everything up. Like it was just mixing everyone’s life up. And that mixing could be really good. It has been, for many people, as well as bad. It’s hard to know what to focus on sometimes.

C: And ultimately it is just completely out of your control. Like there’s no personal agency, really. That’s the messaging, but it depends so much on like actually having these laws enforced. Because in America, they don’t. So it’s on them to be really judgey about like mask-wearing, which is good, but it shouldn’t be on the individual.

L: No, it just creates a horrible culture as well amongst people. I think when you perceive other people to be in control, they just start becoming enemies, or you feel this really intense moralising impulse, which you don’t feel when you’re part of a community where it’s organised around being good.

C: Yeah, has leadership.

L: Yeah.

[Both deeply sigh again.]

C: Any last words?

L: Any last words. What are you thinking? You started this by asking me what I’m thinking.

C: I’m thinking how nice it is to be able to talk about it all. People don’t talk about things enough.

L: I agree.

C: 2020’s just been the most insane year, and we’re just like completely desensitised. But like, shit’s fucked. Shit’s fucked in the US. People are crazy. Like 50% of the population is fucked.

L: It’s completely awful.

C: Is that a good note to end on? Probably not.

L: I really don’t believe that that’s a good note to end on! [Laughs]. I don’t know, I was thinking before Covid, I think I was really focused on people suffering actually. But I think since Covid, I’ve just retreated into myself a bit. And I’ve avoided, because I’ve just gotten so tired of hearing about more numbers. I’m just really fatigued and I kind of just want to pretend like it’s not happening. Which doesn’t feel good, it actually feels horrible to be disconnected like that.

C: Just like imagine being the leader of a country that has 300,000 Covid deaths and like not caring at all. Like it’s fucked. Imagine 50% of the population feeling the same way.

L: No, it’s very much a sign that people are just not connected to reality. Not to other people’s emotional realities. People have started just seeming like objects, like they’re playing out in some world. But I think every single human being is unimaginably special, which sounds really – I hope it’s not too kooky of an idea. But yeah, people are just really special, and impossible to describe. It’s so weird but I think that a lot of what has gone on in people minds is that people have just started to seem replaceable or just sort of like shells of themselves, like characters rather than actually a living person who wants things for themselves, and things for others, and has all of this stuff going on.

[Long pause.]

L: There’s no way to end this is there?

C: So… do you have hope for the world?

L: Well, I don’t know, do I? I’m not a pessimist. I just feel very confused now though. I really don’t know. I’ve come out of this year very confused about what’s good and bad. I think this year has raised a lot of questions like that because we’ve had that thing where we’ve had our government be much more controlling, and that’s happened all around the world. Is that good? It has been good? Because we’ve seen what happens when you don’t do that. That’s also a very strange experience, which I have mixed feelings about.

C: We’ve had it really easy in Sydney though.

L: It’s true, we haven’t had to be controlled very much at all.

C: But for a few weeks there it was like, can I sit on this park bench?

L: You couldn’t.

C: It was crazy.

L: I remember that. Or when someone got fined for sitting down to eat their kebab.

C: Yeah, that’s so ridiculous.

L: You couldn’t go out with more than one person from your household.

C: Well, I was still working a little bit, so I still got the train and served people in the shop. So I feel like I didn’t really have a full lockdown experience.

L: It’s so weird that so many shops were open.

C: Yeah, we never had shops shut here. In New Zealand, they did the full like four weeks, no shops, no takeaway, just cook at home, go to the supermarket, that’s all you do. Four weeks.

L: That is crazy to think of. No, things have pretty much carried out as normal here in comparison. It’s just been an atmosphere among people. Like we’ve been allowed to do lots of things but there are places where you can’t sit near people. There’s a lot of cleaning happening.

C: It is pretty chill now compared to a few months ago. It’s all dependent on the contact tracing. You know, how interesting it is to think about all the maths behind it and tracking down this invisible thing that’s been passed around.

L: Yeah, it’s incredible. The sky looks like a sunset almost, it’s so bright.

C: Yeah, it’s strange.

L: On Thursday night, there’s going to be forty shooting stars per hour apparently.

C: When?

L: Thursday night between 2am and sunrise.

C: Oh wow. Are you going to be up for it?

L: I think I will. It’s the day before my thesis is due. So I think I’ll probably be up anyway.

C: Okay. I have work the next day but do you think I could see it from here?

L: Apparently you can see it all over Australia.

C: I don’t know if I can usually see stars from here though. I don’t think I can. Maybe in the backyard, a little bit. I’ll try and remember. We can text each other.

L: I really want to stay up for that. We’ll see some of it. I’ve never seen a shooting star.

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brynnmck · 4 years

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So. BIRDS OF PREY. (Non-spoilery outside the cut.) The short-short version is that this is the woman-driven superhero/action movie I've been waiting for and I have been fizzing with excitement and glee ever since I saw it and I really REALLY encourage you all to check it out because a) I truly feel it might very well improve your lives and b) I want it to make a billion dollars so that they make more because I NEED IT.

Also I want to make clear that you do not have to have seen or liked Suicide Squad, or have read the comics, in order to understand and enjoy this movie. (One of the best tributes I can pay to it, though, is that BOP was/is my first and truest comics love, and even though this movie is a pretty drastically different take on them and in fact leaves out my favorite character entirely, I still ADORED it. In large part because it DOES contain one of things I loved most about the comics, namely: a variety of interesting, complex, and multifaceted women interacting with and supporting each other. And ALSO kicking ass using a variety of skill sets!)

Just. THIS MOVIE IS SO FUN. As a warning, there is some pretty brutal violence in it (though mostly not against women, for a pleasant change). But it's also hilarious, and really cleverly set up and executed, and grounded in real and relatable feelings, and bright candy colored and just the right amount of unhinged and the soundtrack is PHENOMENAL and the costumes are incredible and the fights were fantastic and honestly, I don't recall a single line in the whole movie that made me cringe for the person saying it. All the performances are brilliant, especially Margot Robbie (who gets the most to do, since Harley is the central character here, but she crushes it all), and Ewan McGregor cheerfully devouring scenery, and Jurnee Smollet-Bell is just. The PERFECT stunning badass Dinah. (Also I found out that she does her own singing in this and it has ruined my life because ONE PERSON SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO AND BE ALL OF THOSE THINGS it's TOO MUCH.) Also it is just generally PACKED with extraordinarily hot women who have agency and depth. So. I THOROUGHLY enjoyed the ride and I wanted it to be at least an hour longer and I am absolutely going again as soon as I feasibly can.

Spoilery thoughts and feelings under the cut!

Okay, first of all, I have never had strong feelings about Harley as a character but holy shit, I had no idea Margot Robbie was such a good actress, and I loooooooooved what they did with Harley here. She's definitely unstable, but I adored that they kept reminding us how smart she is, and the fact that she's got all this education and this ability to analyze people that's a vital element of her power. And she's so much FUN, and her drive to be her own person and to figure out what that means is so poignant and so relatable, I really thought they struck the ideal balance with her of making her larger-than-life but still grounded and complex, someone we could care about and sympathize with. And I loved that she ultimately came into her own, and ultimately did it in part because she chose to make connections with people who fundamentally value her.

And then DINAH. MY BELOVED. I love that even though she starts out working for the enemy, she still has that essential kindness and sense of justice that I feel like is so crucial to the character, and I thought using her mother's death as context for how she ended up where she is now was really clever and gave the story space to show her becoming a hero instead of just being born as one. (And she ALSO gets to parallel what Harley is experiencing, i.e. she's not sure who she is without the man who's been exerting control over her for so long, but she's increasingly ready to find out.) I loved seeing the way that slowly built in her over the course of the movie, that "I'm not getting involved I'm not getting involved FUCK IT I'M GETTING EXTREMELY INVOLVED" bursting of the dam that happened a few different times in a few different ways, all leading up to the Canary Cry moment, which was SO MUCH MORE than the plot device it could have been because we know EXACTLY what she's choosing to embrace by using her powers, backed by all the catharsis of "I'm not fucking taking this anymore and I'm going to defend what I love and what is right with every ounce of my strength and RAAAAAAAAAAAAR." SO GOOD. Also I never thought I would ship Harley/Dinah but here I am? That first meeting between them in Roman's club hit me HARD, just that moment of connection, and actually that was one of my favorite things about the way the movie was structured: a lot of times with team-up movies I feel like things don't really get going until the team-up happens, but here I thought they included so many lovely moments with different combinations of the characters that they felt connected even when they weren't actually all together, so the team-up was still enormously satisfying but it also didn't feel to me like the rest of the movie was just waiting for that moment. (Also clearly the shipping potential here is OFF THE CHARTS because any or all of the four adults in this movie would be FASCINATING together so I'm very much here for THAT.)

Cass was also DELIGHTFUL despite bearing almost no resemblance to any canon version of Cass that I've ever seen, but she was still a LOT of fun and resourceful and snarky and secretly sweet and her pragmatic-and-then-actually-affectionate bond with Harley was absolutely adorable. I love that Cass is the only one who doesn't know anything about the Joker, so she just takes Harley for who she is, and that's part of what Harley responds to (eventually).

I also LOVED Renee, how SMART she is (her breaking down that crime scene early on was soooooo fucking cool and also HOT AF), how snarky she is, how OVER IT she is. I also loved that she was a little bit older, and obviously CANON LESBIAN YAY (as was Harley being canonically bi!!! see how easy that was???), and I loved that she was flawed but still doing her best (as are all of them, really). I loved the way they used her to illustrate all the bullshit that women face in so many workplaces, and it was INCREDIBLY satisfying when she quit at the end. (Also her telling Dinah that Dinah wouldn't have been abandoned on her watch gave me CHILLS. The conviction!!! The dedication!!!)

Huntress gets left out a little, and I wouldn't have minded seeing her explored more, though I ADORE BEYOND WORDS what they chose to do with her, up to and including her being kind of disconnected until she shows up at the end and she's like "uhhhh, look, I'm just here to kill this guy, I don't want any of this drama," HEEEEEE. But Helena is so broody (though also extremely snarky!) in the comics and I love her very much but it's not my favorite quality, so choosing to show her deliberately cultivating that broody exterior (and somewhat failing at it) was GENIUS and made me love her SO MUCH. Her moment with Cass during the last battle was such a fantastic one, too--that was a moment that very easily could have been skimmed over, and honestly I don't know that I'd have thought of it, but it was PERFECT and such economical character development for her and just generally evidence of a writer/writers who think of all these characters as three-dimensional people with their own thoughts and feelings and experiences. Also Harley's heart-eyes when Helena rolls up on her motorcycle to save her were BEAUTIFUL.

Also beautiful: the fight scene once they all team up, seeing all their different styles and how they support each other and how they take care of Cass. And that scene in the diner at the end was just. ALL I EVER WANT IS THAT SCENE AND THEY GAVE IT TO ME. The snark! The margaritas and shitty food! The exhausted, semi-awkward bonding (Helena being like, "Um… you also… did cool things…! Is this how humans communicate?" was AMAZING)! And even ending with Harley stealing Canary's car was perfect, because at the end of the day she's not really a long-term team player, so I loved them all kind of sharing this moment and then Harley and Cass go on to do their thing, their way, and Renee/Dinah/Helena do THEIR thing, their way, and everyone gets to live their best lives, fundamentally. And it would also be VERY VERY EASY to slot in Babs (Oracle Babs PLEASE, this movie was so good in a lot of ways about diverse casting and I'd love to see them take that a step further) in a future iteration of this, like, I can perfectly see her just being like, "Uh, you guys are doing okay but you could really use some help" and coming in with all her technology and her strategic bat brain and taking things to the next level. (Also Christina Hodson, who wrote this, is also supposedly writing the Batgirl movie, so… hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.)

Basically it was just… everything I wanted and pretty much nothing that I didn't (though I couldn’t help noticing that there were a lot of POC in this movie who were… not great people, though there were also three central POC who WERE great people, and the two main villains were white, so maybe that helps give a more multi-faceted perspective, but). It has SO MUCH POTENTIAL as a franchise but even if this is all we ever get, I think it's a glorious shiny batshit heartfelt gift and I'm so SO glad we got it, and hats off to all of the amazing women involved who pushed so hard to make this as amazing as it was. YOU ALL DID FANTASTICALLY.

#birds of prey #LIFE: CHANGED #i love everyone in this bar

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leotanaka · 4 years

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J. August Richards has an exuberance about him.

He has good reason. The actor, known his more than 30 year career which has included roles on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., The Cosby Show, Angel, The Practice and more, just landed a leading role on the new NBC drama Circle of Dads. On April 20, he also rocked the internet by coming out of the closet as a gay man. The unplanned admission generated came in the context of discussing his Council of Dads role as Dr. Oliver Post, a gay, married African-American dad. The series follows a group of friends following the death of one of their friend Peter. Oliver, and several other men, come together to act as surrogate fathers to Peter’s children and to preserve the memory of their friend.

“I read your site every day!” Richards belts as we greet him on the phone. We warn him that we will need to use that quote in our piece. The two of us have made some time to chat about his coming out, the new show, and his experience as a queer, African-American working in Hollywood for more than three decades.

Council of Dads airs Thursdays on NBC.

So you’ve had an exciting few weeks. Exactly how are you feeling? What’s the state of your life?

Thank you for asking. Empowered.

Empowered?

Aligned. Clear about my purpose. That’s how I feel two weeks later. I will admit that I was on a bit of an emotional pendulum. In my imagination, there was a reaction that was the best reaction I could possibly get, which was supportive. But it exceeded that. Also I really did not expect it to go past my social media page. So that was a bit daunting. That was part of the emotional swing I was on.

Sure.

I had no idea that it would be picked up on various sites, which it was. And I didn’t even have a publicist at the time…

Oh my.

Yeah. So that’s how unplanned that was. I’ve hired one since because everything was going so far so fast that it was all a bit overwhelming. But when it went so viral, it made me feel like this emotional swing toward oh my God, why would you do that? No one even asked. That was the ultimate overshare. But fortunately, the pendulum has swung all the way back into the position of empowerment.

That’s so wonderful to hear. Now, when you describe it as an emotional pendulum, what are you doing as you walk around the house? How’s your mood shifting? What are you doing to take your mind off it all?

Yeah, it’s always surrounding a triggering question or triggering comment that I receive that really only triggered the fact that I was not expecting this attention. So that was the only thing that would scare me. It wasn’t negative at all. But, like, when people ask me, “Aren’t you afraid of how this will affect your career?” That question would really trigger me. I’ve obviously thought a lot about it. And that question doesn’t trigger me anymore.

I’ve talked to so many actors who have gone through a difficult coming out process and immediately have their agents or managers screaming “Why did you do that?” So it’s good to hear that it’s been so empowering.

I have a great agent. He’s been really supportive.

Now, you’ve said before that you’ve been out to people close to you for years. Have you had any blowback? People saying “why didn’t you tell me?”

No. Not one person. Anyone who needed to know, knew. And there were people who didn’t need to know that knew, just because they saw me out, or I went to a party. I’m living my life and doing whatever I want to do for the most part. People who know me, in my life, also know that’s not the kind of question I would entertain.

So let’s talk about your new show Council of Dads. Your role as Oliver, you’ve said, was part of what inspired you to go public. He’s a gay man married to another African-American man Peter, played by Kevin Daniels, and the couple has children. For you as an actor, what is it that speaks to you in a role where you realize it’s more than just a job? In other words, when the role changes you?

You know, honestly, it happens to me every single time.

Really?

Every single time, yeah. I think of it as my job to put something deeply personal to put on the line for myself. I have to find it, and I do with every role. This one is unique in that it pushed me up against a wall that I had created for myself. I think it served me when it had to. When I first started in the business, there were very few opportunities for a black actor.

Sure.

I jokingly say “I was too busy being black to be gay.”

But the industry has shifted enough to where there’s more LGBTQ representation and more black representation. And I just wasn’t mature enough as a human being to walk through life as a black gay man. Now, at 46, I have the confidence and the wisdom and the knowledge to be able to take it on. The reason I ended up talking about it publicly was that I saw a huge opportunity to be observant in a meaningful way, and I just could not pass it up. It was a very person decision. I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t take the opportunity to continue a dialogue—it was started way before me. Black gay men, gay families—I would not have been happy with myself if I had not chosen to talk about it.

That speaks so well of you. One thing I really love about this show is the way it redefines community in a sense.

Yes.

There are right-wing voices that claim diversity is harmful, or focusing on it is harmful, that it’s all a myth. The series shows that community is defined by what is shared; in the case of the series, that’s a love for Scott Perry and his family. How do we encourage people to focus on what is shared, to accept one another?

Well, it oftentimes takes people knowing someone in a community, knowing someone that belongs to a community that is seen as “other” to break down that wall. Again, that goes back to the reason I decided to go public. The other great gift of coming out for me was that it made clear for me my true goal. I really want equality for all. I’m talking about groups that I belong to, and groups that I don’t belong to. Ultimately, we have to move toward a space where everyone can sit at the table equally. That’s one of the reasons I was so happy to be involved with this show. It has diversity, and it’s not cosmetic.

What do you mean by that?

It’s like there’s one of this and one of that. There are multiples of different in this world. As the season goes by, you’ll be able to understand even more what I mean by that. It really elevates the conversation about diversity in a way that I’m so proud of. You come home with Oliver & Peter. You come home with us, and a whole episode takes place in our house. So the other thing that attracted me to the show was that I’m not playing the “insert black gay guy here.” He’s a three-dimensional character. He’s not just the best friend. He has his own storyline. The character is not additionally marginalized by not giving him a full story.

I also love the way the show redefines masculinity.

Oooh! Mmhmm!

We have a trope in Western entertainment that fathers are either lovable buffoons like Homer Simpson or wisdom sages like Fred McMurray in My Three Sons. Either way, they are centers of authority and power. This show is different in that it shows men working together, sharing power, listening, conversing and making choices. It’s in the title: a council of dads. It’s not dictatorial patriarchy. Is that by conscious design, that Joan and Tony [series creators Joan Rater & Tony Phelan] had intended as much? Have you discussed it?

We’ve not talked about it, but I will say this: in developing the character one thing that you do as an actor is figure out the character’s super-objective.

Yes.

That means the one thing they want more than anything in life. It took me a while—call me slow—but I realized that what is important to Oliver is that he be a great father. That is the most important thing in his life. So I started to think about what makes a great father. I think the answer is different for each person depending on their father. So I think about Oliver’s past, and how his father did not accept him for who he was. He grew up in a household where he felt like an imposter, like love was conditional. He never got to fall into the arms of his parents and hear them say “You are ok as you are.”

Right.

So what makes a great father to Oliver is growing this invisible fence around the children where they are able to be themselves and thrive as who they are naturally, whatever that is. That’s what makes a great father to Oliver, and it’s a great gift that any parent can give their children.

Absolutely. As a working actor, I need to ask you about the cult of celebrity. In the social media age, actors are really encouraged to become a “brand” or a product to help promote their show. That includes putting private life on display. What is your experience dealing with that pressure? Is it fair to expect actors to perform on both sides of the camera, in essence?

Some don’t. There are still actors out there who don’t want to be stars, who don’t have social media at all. To a degree, I think it’s slightly a myth. Every job that I get there’s an actor in a pivotal role who is not on social media, or who didn’t have a big following. I don’t believe that a large social media following translates to viewers. If it did, Kim Kardashian would be in everything.

Lord help us.

So, like anything, you just have to decide who you want to be and rock out with that, win or lose. One of the places I’m at in my life is that I don’t feel like the world needs another f*cking celebrity.

[Laughter]

Nobody’s asking for one. I’m so tired of it. I’d just rather have an impact at some point in my life. If I can make the world a hair easier, or serve in the tiniest way, I’m so satisfied with that. The red carpeting thing is so played out to me. I’m so over it. So I think you’ve gotta make a choice about who you want to be, win or lose.

That’s great advice. So given the context of all of this, I also need to ask. This is a question that comes up a lot with actors I talk to. It came up with Billy Porter, with Nelson Lassiter, with Doug Spearman, and others. How can we encourage queer African-American men to come out and to feel safe in doing so?

That’s a big, big question. Number one, I’d say understanding. Just understand that it’s a lot to ask a person to own and take on another marginalized identity. As a black man moving through the world, you really have to live it to understand it: all of the concessions and adjustments that you have to make to the world just to get through your day. It’s a lot man, a whole lot. It’s a whole lot to ask people. I’m 46 now, and I said in another interview, if I had come out a day sooner, it would have been too soon.

Wow.

Only now do I feel like I have the understanding and the confidence and the clarity to move through the world as I do now. So the most important thing is understanding. I love the gay men in my life because they never pressured me to do anything. They only loved me and counseled me to be myself.

Beautiful.

Another way to help is to stand against racism. Working through the racism of our society might help people feel free to live in a world where they can feel like they can be themselves.

Amen to that. As a gay, African American man, what advice do you wish you could have had starting out in the business that you did not?

Actually I had wonderful mentors: African-American men who took me under their wings and advised me, counseled me, gave a call after auditions. Everyone showed up for me the same way they’re showing up for me now. My colleagues were the first ones to congratulate me.

That’s great.

But you ask me what I wish I could have known? That’s a difficult question. It was a different industry at that time. So I can’t answer that. I’ll have to think about it. It’s a great question.

#j august richards #ats cast #lgbtqai #dailylgbtq #this is a really good interview :)

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