#I currently have 9 requests so lets see how many I can do in 2 hours!
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How to Break a Heart
pairing: Luke Castellan x Fem!Aphrodite!Reader
summary: Y/N's mother gives her a deadline on when she needs to break her first love's heart, but Y/N isn't in love. Luckily Luke has a plan to fool the goddess; they'll pretend to be in love, and Y/N can break his heart. But these plans never go accordingly.
word count: 4341
warnings: betrayal, no comfort but there is still fluff for most of it
notes: luke castellan has taken over my life i have like 9 drafts so we'll see how this goes (i'm always scared to post for a new character so any love is appreciated greatly)
part 2
masterlist
"How did it go?" Luke asked as Y/N walked out of the Aphrodite cabin. Her mother had requested an IM with her, and Luke had waited outside for her. Y/N didn't look too happy, but she never did after a talk with her mom.
"She thinks it's time." Y/N said, and as much as he wished he could read her mind, he had no idea what she was talking about.
"For what?" He asks, following as she begins to walk into the woods. It's clear she just needs to be on a walk to be away from everyone else, but she's letting him tag along.
"She said it's an embarrassment that I'd become an adult and still hadn't broken my love's heart." She says. "But I haven't fallen in love with anyone yet, and I don't wanna break some innocent person's heart." She stops talking when they reach the river, sitting on the wet ground. He thinks about his pants real quick and then sits next to her, wanting to give her his support.
"She gave you a time limit?" Luke asks, knowing the answer. The Aphrodite kids didn't usually go on quests, but this was a quest of its own. She knew the gods couldn't resist making things more difficult.
"Yeah. Four months. As if I could fall in love with someone in that time, let alone here." She grabs a rock and throws it into the current, the splash barely touching them.
"Maybe you don't have to." Luke whispered, looking at her. She turned to him, brows furrowed as she rested her head against her bent knees.
"I don't think my mom is gonna let it slide any further than she already has. The truth is, I've been putting this off for years. She's wanted me to break some pour soul's heart for two years now. Every time she's visited me, it's always 'what about that Hephestas boy?' or 'that Apollo kid looks so nice now.' I don't wanna know what she'll do if I disobey." Y/N admits, taking a deep breath.
"That's not what I meant." Luke smirked, causing Y/N to frown.
"What are you talking about, then?" She asks, sitting up and looking at him face on.
"If we pretend that we're in love - I mean, put on a whole show that convinces the whole camp," Luke says it quietly, as if Aphrodite may be listening to them right now.
"Then I can 'break' your heart and please my mom without actually hurting anyone!" She says excitedly, watching as Luke nods. "You're a genius!" She cried, throwing her arms around Luke. She was so happy to have this weight lifted off her shoulders. He held her back, and it felt nice for a moment.
"So, what's the story?" Y/N asked, leaning back and pulling her knees up and leaning on them gently now, instead of hiding behind them.
"We just have to pretend to be dating. I invited you over here to ask you out, so we'll walk back to camp holding hands." He said it so simply, she just nodded.
"What about kissing? Won't they get suspicious?" She asked, making Luke chuckle.
"We can figure that out later." He told her, and she just nodded. "For now, we only have to convince our friends."
"And the olympians." She shrugged.
"Only your mom. The rest of them won't care." Luke told her, standing up. He reached out a hand to help her up, and she took it. He then switched hands to hold her's, interlacing their fingers. Y/N had held hands with many boys, being a daughter of Aphrodite, but for some reason Luke's felt different. She was holding the hand he used to fight with his sword, calloused but somehow smooth. She looked at him, and for a moment she wondered if this would work. It was crazy to lie to a god, even if the goddess was her mother. Could she really pretend to be in love and break his heart? Would they still be friends afterward?
Luke squeezed her hand and smiled, and she felt relief flow through her. If there was anyone who could pull this off, it was Luke.
"We got this." He told her, and she nodded.
They walked to camp, hand in hand, and Y/N knew immediately that this idea would work.
"Oh my God!" Her sister Silena called, immediately seeing Luke and Y/N. "Uh, I knew it!" And Y/N pushed down the urge to roll her eyes. She could have come out of the woods with anyone and Silena would have claimed to have seen it coming.
And just like that, everyone knew they were together.
For about a month, they got away with just hand holding, hanging out a little more than regular, going on a couple night walks. But on one of their night walks, Luke brought up what she had been thinking.
"We have to kick it up. If we want people to think we really fell in love in four months, we have to be inseparable." He told her.
"Silena has already caught on. We have to make it look like we got caught doing something." She had been thinking about it, not wanting to go there, but they both knew there was no way around this. They had to make it believable. Everyone had to believe them for this to work.
"The Hermes cabin." Luke nodded, but Y/N furrowed her brows.
"But your cabin is like, never empty." She told him, concerned.
"Anyone who finds us in the Hermes cabin will tell everyone immediately. And we will get found basically as soon as we're in there." He had definitely thought about this.
"We'll get in trouble." She tells him, looking to the side at the water.
"Us getting in trouble for getting caught in a cabin alone together?" He smirks, squeezing her hand. "Yeah, I'm sure your mom will be really angry." When she turned to him he was smiling, and she couldn't help but smile back.
"You're a genius." She almost kisses him, because that's what she would do in the situation, but then she remembered they're not actually dating. She was almost embarrassed, but then she realized.
"We can't do this without ramping our relationship up a bit." She tells him, and he thinks for a second. He turns to the trees, and the smile is on his face once more.
"The younger kids are watching." He whispered, making her blush. Of course their younger siblings would be watching their romantic walk. "If it's okay with you," He mutters stopping and turning to her. He takes her other hand. "I can kiss your cheek. Or we," She drops is hands and grabs his face, bringing his lips to hers. She knew they'd have to kiss in front of everyone sooner or later, and clearly Luke was freaking out a little bit. She felt his hands go to her torso, high above her waist but just a little below her bra line. It made her heart race just a little bit.
Their lips moved in tandem, much more than any first kiss she's ever had before. She forgot everything as one of her hands slipped from his face to his chest. One of his slipped to her lower back, the other going to the back of her head. They broke for one second to reposition, but for some reason it was too much for her. She curled her fingers into his orange Camp Half-Blood shirt and brought him closer once more. She could feel him smile as he curled his fingers in her hair to position her better.
All too quickly, they separated. Y/N blinked a couple times, trying to clear her brain.
"I think they got the hint." He tells her, and she could only stare at him and try to figure out what he just said.
"Yeah," She whispered, realizing he was talking about their rouse. Of course, the only reason they had kissed was to get the camp talking. "They'll definitely be talking about that."
She didn't want to think about how upset she was, or why she was upset. This was fake - everything with Luke was fake.
"We should head back before Chiron comes and puts us on probation or something." She said, watching him nod. She let him lead her back to her cabin, where he gave her a kiss and a wink outside her door.
She was in trouble.
~
The next day, they met up to watch the kids make friendship bracelets. Luke had already made a deal with Travis, and no one noticed when the two left.
"We have a couple minutes until everyone comes in." He tells her, and she nods. He walks over to his bed, the single one in the corner of the huge cabin. Y/N has never seen it completely empty, and when she looks around it seems too quiet.
"How do you wanna," She mutters, heart pounding. She's nervous, and it's obvious.
"Hey," His voice is quiet, and she looks over at him. "We don't have to do anything that you don't wanna do." His hand goes to her har, pushing her hair out of her face a little bit. She had to force herself not to look away.
"We have to." She mutters, a sad frown on her face. They both knew she didn't have a choice for this.
"But we can just get caught alone." He assures her, sitting back on his bed. Y/N stays where she is.
"No, it has to be more. We have to convince everyone." She is convincing herself too, that she has to do this. She doesn't go on quests, and this isn't even courageous. This is something her siblings do for fun. She can do it for her mother.
"Okay," He tells her, grabbing her hands. She's about to ask how they should be set up, but then there's footsteps on the stairs. Before she can think, she practically pounces on Luke. She's straddling him, pressing him against the bed. Their hands became untangled and his go to her waist, lower than their first kiss. She hears the door open, and her heart freezes.
What are they doing?
Before she can mess up the entire plan, Luke leans up and presses their lips together. She doesn't know what to do with her hands, just letting them hold her up while Luke's venture under her shirt.
"Oh my gods!" Y/N and Luke separate with wide eyes. They were planning on getting caught, but not by her.
"Annabeth?" Luke whispers, turning to see his sister in the doorway, hand over her eyes.
"Shit," Y/N curses, getting up. She realizes her shirt is all scrunched, so she pulls it down.
"What a weird camp." The kid next to Annabeth says. Y/N notices him for the first time, a short kid that looked like he was enjoying this drama. He has to be new, because she's never seen him around and definitely never with Annabeth.
"This is strange." Ananbeth crosses her arms and squints. Y/N feels like she can see right through them.
"Oh, Chiron is not gonna be happy." The kid says, smiling. Before Y/N can argue that neither of them would tell the centaur, he walks up behind them.
"That assumption would be correct, Mr. Jackson." She has to remind herself that this was the plan, that they wanted to get caught.
"Chiron," Y/N says, looking up at him as he walks into the wide door frame. Annabeth and the kid move to let him in, also showing Y/N and Luke the amount of people behind him, waiting to see the
"This is unexpected from you two." He says, and Y/N can feel herself second guessing this plan. She doesn't like to be scolded by Chiron. Luke grabs her hand as if he knew what she was thinking.
"We're sorry, Chiron." Luke started, taking a deep breath.
"But we're not kids anymore," Y/N starts, the confidence coming from no where. "And sometimes we need time on our own." She can feel everyone's eyes on her, including Luke's.
"We can talk about this in the Big House." Chiron was clearly peeved, but she knew he couldn't get that mad. Everyone knew why Luke and Y/N stayed even though they were the oldest campers; they would be dead in the real world.
"You're up to something." Annabeth says as everyone leaves.
"I'm always up to something." Luke smirks before looking at the new kid. "I'm Luke."
"I'm Percy." The kid says, looking over at Y/N.
"Y/N." She nods, a small smile on her face. She looked at Annabeth, who knew something was up. She had to ramp it up.
She put a hand on Luke's shoulder and kissed his cheek, squeezing his hand and leaving. It had to be enough for now.
~
As it turned out, Annabeth went on a quest a couple weeks later, so they didn't need to worry about convincing her. But Luke was practically sick with worry for her wellbeing, and Y/N wasn't much better. Her deadline was coming up, and she was actually dreading it.
She was enjoying Luke's presence, enjoying the touches and the attention. She knew it was her mother's powers making her feel this way, but part of it was just her. She actually looked forward to waking up and going to see Luke. She thought about the night that they had fallen asleep in the warm sand, his chest cushioning her head. His arms were around her, and when they were caught in the morning she didn't even care about Chiron's second warning. Luke had snuck them desert anyway.
It helped calm her down from worrying about the kids on a quest, the fate of which would in turn decide the fate of Camp Half-Blood. She hated the feeling of war in the air, the campers fighting. Luke's comfort helped that situation as well. He would always grab her close, making her anxiety calm down and her mind quiet. She had taken to hanging out with him away from everyone's eyes, aside from plans to get caught. They would lay in the strawberry fields, looking at the clouds. Sometimes she would fall asleep, giving away the fact that she couldn't sleep in her own bed at night. As soon as Luke realized this, he made the Aphrodite cabin swear to secrecy when he would sneak in. They were great at keeping secrets when it helped their sister's love life, and her health. She had gotten so used to Luke sleeping in her bed, it was weird to think there was a time when he wasn't.
The first time it happened, she had almost jumped out of her skin.
It was right before the kids left, when everyone started to get uneasy about the Lightning Bolt. She had made a random comment that day when her and Luke were sitting on the dock, because she was too tried from her lack of sleep. They had been 'dating' for two months now, and even before she would tell him these things as his best friend. She had almost fallen asleep with her head resting against his shoulder, and he had shaken her awake. She stumbled to her cabin, not even wanting to tell her siblings about the night, but she couldn't sleep.
Everyone knew she had problems sleeping, so they tried to be as quiet as possible. They let her keep her window open, even though it dried their skin. And though her body was absolutely begging her to sleep, her mind wouldn't turn off.
She jumped out of her skin when she heard Luke's low voice.
"Thank the gods your window is already open." She shot up, heart racing. She looked over to see Luke climbing in. "And also thank the gods you live on the bottom bunk." His voice was so quiet she could barely hear, but at least she knew her siblings wouldn't hear. She knew they would never tell Chiron, since they loved a good relationship.
"What are you doing?" She asked, eyes wide and a smile playing on her face. His scar shown in the moonlight as he sat on the windowsill, taking off his shoes. He handed them to her, and she put them down gently on the ground before lowering himself down on her bed.
"I'm gonna help you sleep." He told her, looking at her in a way that made her heart race just a little. Even in the little privacy, where no one could see them, he was caring for her.
"You don't have to." She turned her head down, feeling self conscious in her bonnet. He smiled at her.
"I want to."
The two settled in, Y/N lifting up the covers for Luke to come under. They switched positions so she could sleep next to the wall, his arms around her immediately. She felt so secure and safe in his arms, more relaxed than she had felt in weeks. He settled his face against her head, giving the softest kiss to her forehead. So soft she was questioning it as her mind drifted away.
When she woke up, she was in his arms. The sun was up, and it was much later than she had woken up in the past month.
"Tell him I went on a walk. And she's sick." Luke was whispering, his voice rumbling in his chest that Y/N was laying against. Given the small size of the bed, they were entangled. Her legs were fused with his, her torso stuck between the wall and Luke's body. Her hand was entangled into his sleep shirt, and she didn't untangle it because that would have given up that she was awake. And she wanted to stay like this a little longer.
And she was enjoying the warm light and the nice morning.
"You know he'll come in here anyway." A boy was saying, but Y/N didn't want to listen. Without thinking, she rubbed her face into Luke's shirt, trying to get more comfortable. She rubbed a leg against his, shifting and sighing.
"If you wake her up," Luke's voice sounded venomous, and it made her start to smile a little. Her head felt so light but also so heavy in a good way. She didn't think she could feel that way.
"Fine, I'm gone." The guy said, and Y/N heard his footsteps walk away. She stretched for a second, settling down so that her leg was thrown over his and she was more on top of him than against the wall. Her hand relaxed, still holding onto his shirt but not as tightly.
"You awake?" Luke whispered so quietly for a moment he didn't think she heard him.
"No." She said quietly, feeling her breathing even out.
"Alright." He brushes his hand against her back, soothing her even more. "Let me know when you're awake."
~
All the Aphrodite kids were working overtime to make sure that Chiron never found out that Luke was sneaking into the cabin and also to keep the Hermes cabin from snitching. And also from keeping the harpies from killing Luke.
It was a full-time job.
They usually slept in Y/N's bunk, because her siblings just wanted her to be happy. They all knew that she was supposed to break someone's heart, but they tried not to talk about it. No one else knew about the deadline.
"Can you tell me how you got your scar?" Y/N asked one night, tracing the mark as they laid in bed. She had been getting so much sleep with him that she was able to stay up a little bit with him now and whisper low enough that no one else could hear.
"You don't wanna hear about it before it before you go to bed." He whispers, eyes going dark and hand grabbing hers, stopping her from touching it. Her heart drops, and she feels like a little kid scolded.
"You never told me." She mutters, not wanting to push but wanting to know. They'd gotten so close now that she wanted to know everything about him before she no longer had an excuse to be around him all the time.
Oh gods, how was she going to sleep without him?
"You're already overthinking." He whispers, and she just huffs and tries her hardest to turn from him while his arms are around her and she's also stuck between him and the wall. For a moment she thought about throwing herself over him and getting up, just to prove a point, but she knew that was taking things a little too far.
"I just wanted to be there for you like you are for me." She knew that didn't have nightmares like most demigods did; at least, if he got them, he hadn't had any since he'd been with her. But she also knew no one could deal with everything on their own, and if he wasn't telling her, who else was he telling?
"I'm okay." He tells her, settling in and making her start to get comfortable again. She stretched, leaned against him and let her eyes close, trying to forget about his scar.
Something about the conversation rubbed her the wrong way.
~
The kids returned and the war was avoided, and now Annabeth seemed to have her own relationship problems. It made Y/N relieved, then sad, because she remembered that her own relationship was fake. In a few short weeks, she would have to 'break' Luke's heart. But that was in the future, and she could put it off as long as she could. She didn't want to have to break his heart, because she had a feeling it would only break her's.
Everything had been going great until her mother showed up.
This time, it hadn't been an IM. This time, her mother was waiting for her in the strawberry fields where she was supposed to meet with Luke.
"Mom?" Y/N asked, not sure if she was seeing correctly. Her mother's beautiful face brightened, and Y/N just blinked. She had never met her mother in person.
"My favorite child." Her mother said, making Y/N's eyes widen. She thought Silena was her favorite child. "I am so proud of you."
"What?" Y/N had been planning on talking to Luke about their breakup tonight, but her mother thew her off.
"You've broken the most talented swordsman's heart! The pain, oh, it almost breaks my own heart." Aphrodite put her hands over her own heart, and Y/N just furrowed her eyebrows.
"But, I haven't broken Luke's heart yet." Y/N says, thinking about how weird Luke had been acting when he asked to meet her there. She thought it was about them breaking up, but what if it was something else. Could he tell that she had fallen?
"No?" Her mother looked genuinely confused. "I sense such distress, such a hole of love in his heart." Y/N had never seen a god confused, and she didn't like this.
"Something's wrong." Y/N muttered, flinching when fireworks began to be set off.
"Yes," Her mother said gravely, grabbing her daughter's hand. "I will help you find him and set this right." She said it as if Y/N was supposed to break his heart over the pain he must've been feeling. Before she could protest, her mother was teleporting her. She ended up in front of Luke in the forest, her mother no where to be found. Luke looked angry, his sword was pointing right at her. It was actually pressing lightly into her chest, which made no sense. Luke would never do that.
"Y/N?" He asked, eyes widening. The anger melted away a little bit, but he still didn't look like the version of him she knew.
"What are you doing?" She asked, watching him lower his sword but not his guard. His eyes caught on something behind her, and she turned.
Percy was standing there, eyes wide and scared. He had his own sword in his hand, arms lifted in defense.
"Get out of the way, Y/N." Percy said, sounding older than his twelve years. It scared her, seeing this kid forced to mature.
"What are you doing?" She repeated, turning back to Luke. His expression had hardened slightly, but it still wasn't as angry as he had been when she first showed up.
"You don't want any part of this." Luke's voice was deep and dark, and Y/N felt her heart drop to her stomach.
"What have you done?" She rephrased, eyes wide as the fear sprinkled through her body in cold waves.
"What I had to." Luke said, as if that explained everything. "The gods are against us. They need us, but they don't care about us. I mean, have you ever even spoke with your mom is person?" He was trying to use her, and it hurt her feelings.
"I just did." She said quietly, turning fully to Luke. "And she told me you were heartbroken." She reveled at the shock that washed over his face.
"She must have been feeling someone else." Luke answered, and Y/N just shook her head.
"Luke, please." She walked toward him, grabbing his free hand. "We had something. We were pretending to date but you can't tell me you were acting the whole time." She felt tears in her eyes now. "Luke, I love you." She whispered finally. Filling the silence was the wind in the trees, the distant sound of fireworks. But not Luke's voice. He stayed quiet for a moment.
"It'll pass." He tells her quietly, tilting his head.
He might as well have stabbed her, the words hurt so bad. Using her shock, he threw his sword up, and not even letting go of her hand he caught it the opposite way, using the bottom to hit her head and send her to the ground.
"Goodbye," He muttered as he let her hand slip from his, stepping over her to face Percy.
Y/N could hear the breaking of her heart as she let her eyes close.
//
tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @one-sweet-gubler
#luke castellan#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan x reader fluff and angst#luke castellan fanfic#luke castellan imagine
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20 questions for fic writers
I was tagged by @khorazir and @raina-at. Thanks so much for tagging me!
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
47 (how is it that many?!)
29 for BBC Sherlock
18 for The X-Files
2. What's your total A03 word count?
897,533
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Currently only BBC Sherlock
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea
White Knight
Incidents with Dogs, Curious and Otherwise
Another Auld Lang Syne
The Dead Detective
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I try to! I'm not always the best at keeping up, especially lately as my schedule has been erratic and I can only steal a few minutes here and there for fandom activities. But even when I don't have a chance to reply, I do read and treasure each and every comment.
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I guess maybe The Pillar upon which England Rests has the saddest ending of anything that I've ever written, but I don't really consider it a sad story. It's set immediately post Reichenbach, told mostly through flashbacks as Mrs Hudson shares the story of how she met Sherlock with John. Sherlock is still "dead" when the story comes to a close, and John and Mrs Hudson are both grieving, though we as the reader know their loss is temporary.
I have a few shorter fics with ambiguous endings that lean in the angsty direction:
Nothing Happened in Belarus deals with accidental time travel, with grief-stricken S4 Sherlock finding himself briefly in the care of S1 John. Alas, the reprieve is a short one, as neither Sherlock nor John become aware of what is happening in time to take advantage of the opportunity.
At the end of Leaves Sherlock and John have either triumphed over the hallucinogenic vines that have invaded 221B… or they haven't. (I have my own theory, but you are free to interpret the ending however you choose.)
In EXECUTE John inadvertently deletes Mary from existence. He gets his happy ending, but has to live with the uncomfortable knowledge of the choices he's made.
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Most of my fics have happy or at least hopeful endings. I like leaving the boys in a good place. I guess it depends on the flavor of happy you're looking for. But I'd say that these are probably the happiest:
(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea
Inscrutable to the Last
White Knight
Another Auld Lang Syne
Whirlwind
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Thankfully, no. A few weird comments here and there, but nothing too bad. The vast majority of my interaction with others in the fandom has been absolutely wonderful.
9. Do you write smut?
Most of my sex scenes stay in R rated territory. But I tend to roll with whatever the plot demands of me.
10. Do you write crossovers?
I've done quite a few fusion fics, but not crossovers. Crossovers aren't usually my cup of tea.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Once, sort of, but I don't believe it was done maliciously and I don't wish to call attention to it.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes! I'm always flattered by requests to translate my writing.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
A friend and I used to write together quite a bit in high school, but nothing that has made it out into the world.
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
Sherlock & John and Mulder & Scully.
15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
Crime Writer is a Sherlock/Knight Rider fusion that ran out of steam a while back (although it was intended to be episodic and IMO doesn't feel too horribly unresolved where it ends, so don't let the unfinished nature of it put you off if you're inclined to read it).
I'm still optimistic about most of the WIPs in my WIP folder, heh. I guess we'll see what next year brings.
16. What are your writing strengths?
I like to think I'm good at writing complicated people with complicated feelings that don't always resolve neatly.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
I don't think my smut is particularly inspired. And I have a very hard time writing fluff or domestic situations without having some angst to drive the plot.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
I personally wouldn't attempt it. I'm not fluent in any other languages and there's far too much nuance to leave in the hands of Google Translate. :)
19. First fandom you wrote for?
X-Files! (Unless you count unrefined and unposted scribblings from my younger years, I definitely went through a phase where I was trying to fix the Terminator time loop in a way that allowed Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese to live happily ever after.)
20. Favourite fic you've ever written?
Oh, this is always such a hard question to answer. The Pillar upon Which England Rests is the first fic I wrote for the Sherlock fandom, so it has a special place in my heart. I'm really proud of the cases and complex plot in Out There. (Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea is the one that seems to resonate with the most people. And White Knight is the fic I'd most like to see turned into an episode of the show. :D
I'll tag @thetimemoves @insistentbass @lololollywrites @arwamachine @naefelldaurk @clueless-mp4 @totallysilvergirl and anyone else who would like to play along!
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See You In My 19th Life
Suitor Armor
**I do not do requests for DTeam anymore. I do not feel comfortable doing so.
**DTeam supporters are not welcome here
#important#mcyt kin#minecraft kin#dream smp kin#ahwm kin#youtuber ego kin#unus annus kin#baldurs gate 3 kin#baldurs gate kin#detroit become human kin#five nights at freddys kin#gravity falls kin#hermitcraft kin#3rd life kin#third life kin#into the spider verse kin#invader zim kin#life is strange kin#marvel kin#miraculous ladybug kin#crazy craft kin#ouran high school host club kin#portal kin#steven universe kin#welcome home kin#webtoon kin#fictionkin#otherkin#fictive
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pick a card : pick a monet painting
.｡*♡ what's coming for you in the next few weeks; channeled songs
group 1: san giorgio maggiore at dusk / group 2: women in the garden / group 3: chrysanthemums
reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and don't force anything if it does not fit.
personal readings are open! feel free to dm for more information or to discuss a reading that is not listed there ♡
feedback, constructive criticism, requests and tips are appreciated! ppal cupidfemme
1. SAN GIORGIO MAGGIORE AT DUSK
life-affirming times ahead group one!
currently as well as these next few weeks may be particularly stressful, with people testing you and the limits of your patience. but remember who you are and how deserving of respect you are, despite what that inner voice might say. don't let anyone walk all over you.
these weeks will see you coming more and more into your power, being more assertive and standing your ground. some of you are used to keeping yourself small, to being as out of the way and compliant as possible, but you have been making steps towards being more overt about what you want and need and what makes you unhappy or angry. if not, now is a fruitful time to start this journey.
these weeks will be seeing you reconstructing personal agency (be it sexual or otherwise), taking control of who you are and reconsidering what it means to be in control of your life and destiny.
2. WOMEN IN THE GARDEN
love, love, and more love in the weeks ahead group two!
i am seeing quite a few things here... for some of you, a crush you have had for some time is falling into place. you are working up the courage to approach them. even if in friendship for the time being, this will make all the difference! it is okay if you cannot overcome your shyness right now, as shyness and low self-esteem is engrained into so many of us. for now all that is being asked of you is to just make this move forward into becoming friends or acquaintances. every step forward counts!
for some of you, the next few weeks ahead makes the beginning of a beautiful new relationship. i'm seeing dates, a lot of them. a cafe is particularly important. and be prepared to receive flowers; red ones, though they are most likely not roses.
for the rest of this group, for those of you who do not have any romantic interests or to whose romantic interests this does not apply, the next few weeks are going to be so important in your journey of healing and self-acceptance. it seeks emphasising that every step forward counts, because it does even if it is the tiniest one.
3. CHRYSANTHEMUMS
oh, group three wow the next few weeks ahead are going to be exciting!
someone is coming into your life just to shake things up. you will be offered new opportunities at fun; a reprieve from your quiet, monotonous life. right now your schedule may be very predictable, very mundane, but this person is going to remind you how exciting life can be. how it can be an adventure. how it can be more than the 9-5, weekends off, buy a treat in the afternoon on your way back home.
this will very likely not be a permanent connection. simply a fleeting, transient meeting lasting over a few days or weeks (depending on when you meet but i do not see this connection extending past december). and while at first you may be resistant–because who is this person to come into YOUR life and try to disturb your SCHEDULE–you will find that going along with it is all for the best. the lessons this meeting teaches you will stay with you forever.
you will feel young again. even if you are in your twenties or around there, you probably haven't felt young for a long time.
#i originally wanted to try shufflemancy but i ended up just channeling songs again#intuitive readings#intuitive#intuition#channeled songs#channeled message#pick a card#pac#pick an image#pick a pile#claude monet#monet#art#**
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20 Questions About A Fic Writer
Tagged by @voxofthevoid who is pretty much a writing god as far as I'm concerned. The breadth of his works are wide, and he be doing things for the hell of it.
1. How many works do you have on ao3?
230 since 2016.
2. What’s your total ao3 word count?
841,020. I mostly write oneshots and short stories.
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Whatever scratches my writing itch. I used to settle in fandoms when I was younger, but now I wander around and write for whatever catches my interest during that season of my life. It keeps me fresh. I found my insecurities were a lot louder the longer I settle somewhere because it's easier to make comparisons. So I just stroll around. It's a lot simpler life. It keeps me from chasing AO3 stats and lets me write things I wouldn't have the courage to do in other fandoms. So that's nice.
Currently I'm writing for Link Click.
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
From Yuri on Ice.
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Yes. Often, I leave long replies that are ficlet length at least.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
My mind tells me those fics are from the Harry Potter fandom.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Maybe you can tell me because I've written a lot and I don't remember.
8. Do you get hate on fic?
Rarely. I've written for ships people have issue with and have not yet received hate for it. It unfortunately happens to my friends and writers I respect, so that sucks. The only hate I've really received was when someone argued with me in the Harry Potter fandom that English Breakfast tea does not exist. And I was so weirded out by the comment that I just deleted the fic for my own mental peace.
Other than that, I don't recall any other hate. I have recieved passive aggressive comments, but those were from years ago. Overall, it's either positive or neutral.
9. Do you write smut?
Maybe once or twice a year. It's not that fun, really.
10. Do you write crossovers?
I used to.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not to my knowledge.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Not to my knowledge. I had a request once, but I don't think anything came out of it.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Yes. Two of them for one fandom. My writing style and process is better suited for solo writing. I've tried co-writing with what I do currently, but it doesn't mesh well.
14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?
Odazai. I don't write for it currently, but I still enjoy seeing it. Which is something I cannot say for other ships I've done in the past, so that means a lot to me. I might pick up writing for it again if I feel that's my season to do it.
15. What’s a wip you want to finish but probably won’t?
Whatever is in my "Not Currently" folder. I'm of the mind that if a story or idea ends up there, it's a doomed attempt trying to resurrect it. So I let it die. Yeah I'm haunted on a constant basis if I think about it, but that's just life I think. Nowadays I write stories I do carve time for, not ones that I want to carve time for. There's a difference.
16. What are your writing strengths?
Introspection. Rhyme. Character voice. Vibes. My willingness to experiment with my writing and challenging myself to strengthen my weak areas. Nowadays, I write the stories that I write to challenge my technical skills as a writer. It keeps me from feeling stagnant and I often start writing things I don't normally write, but this gives me the mental library of how to do certain things because I've done it before.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Dialogue. Heavy plots. Physical affection in a romantic or sexual sense. Fluff because I get violently ill every time I write it (like covid, the flu, it aggraviates my flares up and that's not fun). Angst because it drains a lot of me and I get tired. So, I realize that limits what I can write, so I try to be really good at what I do write.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
Personally, I don't do it. If I have a character speaking in another language, I summarize it through narration. If some words are borrowed, like a good example is names of food or certain phrases, I'm fine with putting that in dialogue. When I was younger, I used to italicize that stuff. I don't anymore unless emphasis is directly on those words.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Vocaloid.
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
At the moment, nothing comes to mind. While writing them, I'm sure there was a lot of love because I willingly pulled the stories together. But other than that, I don't have a real favorite.
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Tag Game-20 Questions for Fic Writers
I was tagged by @2dents
1. How many words to you have on AO3?
57
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
177,813. One of my 2023 goals is to reach 200,000.
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Sherlock (and Related Fandoms), 911 (TV), Teen Wolf, The Hobbit
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Burning House (Teen Wolf; E; 41,007)
Fostering Pack (Teen Wolf; E; 32,171)
All He Could Ever Want (Sherlock; M; 12,142)
Double Bluff (Sherlock; T; 4,847)
5 Times Sherlock Tried to Make John’s Fantasy Come True + 1 Time John Made Sherlock’s (Sherlock; M; 10,038)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Absolutely! I am grateful for each and every one. Plus my favorite part of fandom is interacting with other fans.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
The Letter (Sherlock, G, 100, MCD). Short but painful.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Hmmm…I usually write happy endings, so tough question.
I think An Inaccurate Retelling (The Hobbit; G; 5,024) is probably one of my fluffiest, most domestic fics.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
I have. Not frequently but enough that I’ve learned to just delete them.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Yes I do. About a third of my fics are Mature or Explicit.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
I don’t. Hats off to those that can pull it off, though.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
I don’t think so?
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
I’ve had a couple asks, and let them know I’d love to link to it/share, but I never heard back, so…maybe?
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I gave it a try once, but it was never finished.
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
If I have to pick just one-Johnlock. The Sherlock fandom is what brought me into the fandom fold.
15. What’s a Wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
There is a post-S4 Sherlock fic that has haunted me. It’s a John’s Mind Bungalow fic, where he is in a coma and is taking in snippets from around him and his brain tries to make it all into a story that makes sense. The first half would be S4/him in the hospital, the second half would be what happens after he wakes up/unpacking the real story and of course the consequences of it all. I've started it a few times but somehow never make any real progress with it.
16. What are your writing strengths?
I honestly don’t know. I get a lot of compliments/requests for more on my smut-so I must be doing something right there. I think I do a pretty decent job writing kids/kid fics as well.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
I’ve always struggled with endings. And titles. I’m currently struggling with the habit of writing. When I first started writing, I would write on my phone whenever I had even five minutes. Then I started outlining, and writing during evening sprints on my laptop. But now, I need to get back into writing when I can find the time on my phone, and I’m struggling to get back into that mindset-the ability to just switch into writing mode when I find myself waiting in an office or whatever.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
Italics all the way. I don’t trust google to do me right for translation and I trust the readers will understand what's going on.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Sherlock
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
Observations of Grief (Sherlock; T; 2,248).
I had a lot of fun trying to get into Mycroft’s head and using a new pov. It was also very satisfying to put some of my headcanons about the period between Reichenbach and the return into a fic.
A few (NO PRESSURE) tags: @sweetpeapod @merelypassingtime @mellaithwen @thetimemoves and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it.
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Twenty questions for fic writers
I was tagged by @forerussake Thank you very much! <3
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
43 works public works, 4 anon works (because of harassment), total 47 works
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
388,480 words
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Currently, only Guardian and DMBJ (Detective L and GYADL count as Weilan Derivatives, so… still Guardian somehow skjsjsk)
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Closer to my heart, back to our home - MDZS/Nieyao (139)
Stars aligned in a perfect sky - Guardian X DMBJ/Zhaoxie/Pingsang and later Weilanxie (77)
Completely Yours - MDZS/Nieyao (69)
Shoot my heart - Guardian/Weilan (52) - Terrible, my first Guardian fic, written for a tumblr request, one day I’ll edit that fic bc I love the concept, but it’s not a good work at all ><
Maybe you just don't understand the brain of an ancient alien - Guardian X DMBJ/Weilanxie (52)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I can take a while to do so, but I’ll always reply to comments, even if some get lost and I have to dig on my inbox to find out after months Ç_Ç (I’m sorry, I’m just messed when it comes to long comments and/or the ones that make me cry). I also love when authors reply to my comments on their fics.
6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Let me think for a moment, because I’m all ‘happy endings’ here.
Probably Wrong side of Hell, a Zhaoxie Cop/Mob AU, because even when it’s tagged as happy/hopeful ending, it’s a momentary happiness, but the future prospects are against them
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
With the ending already posted? No idea
But in general, I think it’s Maybe he's just an ancient alien who likes cute socks because everything here is just silly, domestic, sweet and warm. Like the panda print socks. Probably this fic will remain as the ending of this series because I’m not very enthusiastic when it comes to writing in Guardian Drama-verse
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Oh yeah. A LOT. Nowadays it happens once in a while, but when I started posting my first Zhaoxie fic, Stars aligned in a perfect sky , I got so much hate on my askbox and even dms from people that I used to see as friends. Mostly were anon on my askbox, really WTF things, people were truly upset that I was shipping Zhao Yunlan with someone else that was not Shen Wei. When things started changing and this fic showed a hint of what could be (or not) an OT3 fic (so, Shen Wei!), I got even more hate and a lot of bigotry about polyamory! It was an insane moment. If someone wants to know the outcome, this fic has almost 300k (yet only around 100k posted) and IT IS OT3 - also set my career as crossover + OT3 writer kjskjskjsj. My askbox is still open to anon and will always be. You can send hate or love, you choose. Hate will NEVER be responded, though. I delete all hate I receive.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
In English, usually no. In my 1st language, I used to, eventually, within long works, with plot. But once I fully stopped writing in my 1st language, I found it hard to write very descriptive sex scenes - also doesn’t help how confused I get having to explain where their legs and hands are and what the hell they’re doing with their tongues. But I managed it twice, one is in a posted work (2Luo) Love is a heart’s choice, and the other is in an upcoming chapter of a WIP (not the current series, yet I wish kjskjsjs)
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
Oh man, I’m a crossover writer. I LIVE for my crossovers and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back writing a non-crossover fic. (Also love reading crossovers, hello Fixa!)
But craziest one? Guess it was a drabble for Fixa (and I loved that), DMBJ x LOTR, it’s not on ao3, but it’s here on tumblr… somewhere. It’s Wu Xie + a Palantír.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
A whole fic? No idea. But concepts, ideas, dialogues, yes. Multiple times.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
It counts the fics I translated myself/wrote bilingual? If not, then no, unless that yes and I don’t know about sjkkjsjs
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Of course! Since the beginning of my life as a ficwriter (I started writing originals long before writing fics). I’m used to working with Vince @victorian-pirate more often, with Arjun @sagittariusdarkarrow when he wants to play specific characters in my fics, but in other fandoms I used to co-write even more than nowadays. With Tazzy, I have a 2Luo series, but we still don’t have a fic we fully wrote together, each part of the series is written by one or the other. I’m always open to talk about co-writing.
14. What's your all-time favorite ship?
Only one ship? Look, I live in fandoms for 3 decades, but not always for shipping (Tolkien, for example), but there are a few ships that will always be appealing to me. I’m going for Weilanxie here, because I didn’t expect this OT3 to be so powerful to me and hold so deep meanings in my life (both fandom and real life).
15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
It’s mine and Vince’s beloved fic, Seawater is tears shed in the shores (not posted). I don’t doubt we can finish, I doubt we will, because we’d have to rewrite a lot to have the results we want, and that WIP is HUGE, which makes us lazy…
Now, about my MDZS wips, it’s not a doubt, I’m sure I’ll never finish because I have no interest in doing so. I wrote for fun and practice, but that fandom never got my heart the way DMBJ and Guardian did.
16. What are your writing strengths?
Dialogue, long plots, worldbuilding. And The Shower - any idea I struggle with, I just need to take a shower to have it clear and perfect on my mind, so guess that counts.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Sex scenes and fighting scenes - too many movements, too confused touching and hitting and doing this and that, but I still can manage a pretty decent fighting scene when needed.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
If it’s a language I speak, yep. If I don’t, but can make sure that it’s not only grammatically correct, but also culturally correct, also yep. Otherwise, I’d be committing a crime against what I love the most
19. First fandom you wrote for?
HAHA GOOD QUESTION, I HAVE NO IDEA. I started writing fics when I was around 13 (25 years ago), about any and every media I loved, like movies, books, bands - no computer, me and my friends used to write on paper and everyone in the classroom would greedily read and wait for another chapter/story (I’m introvert, but never shy about my writing). But that I clearly remember because it was the 1st fandom I POSTED for, because we already could access the internet once in a while from other people’s computers at that time, was Saint Seiya.
20. Favorite fic you've written?
I don’t even know how many fics I’ve written in my life.
But maybe Forgotten Songs of Arda, (this fic starts at and with the beginning of The Silmarillion and goes until long post-LOTR. It’s a rewritten story, from the pov of an OC and Mairon/Sauron). It was written around 15 years ago, so I don’t quite remember enough, and despite being in my 1st language, Vince (who doesn’t speak my 1st language) translated that to read (that was one of the things that built our friendship). The few parts still alive are with him, I lost most of my old fics last year, when my previous laptop completely scattered on the floor.
In EN, for sure Stars aligned in a perfect sky (main and side-stories)
tagging @tazzy-ace @jaimebluesq @lacommunarde @omaenanimonoda and I don't remember who else I didn't see already tagged in this Ç_Ç
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Can we get part 11 of genie drabble 🌼💜
part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8 / part 9 / part 10 / part 11 / part 12 / part 13 / part 14 / part 15 / part 16 / part 17
The books are boring, you can’t find anything interesting. You can’t remember how many books you’ve read throughout your years in the lamp but they were always one of the best things to do when you needed time to pass by. After all, books created worlds you could live in, pretend you were with the characters, go on the adventures with them, pretend you could understand what love and hate and sadness meant as a genie.
They were your eyes for the world.
But now that you’ve been given freedom to explore the world due to your current existing owners, you can see everything with your eyes. It isn’t the same as the cool books but now the real world fascinates you. After all, not having a good taste of it definitely makes all of this freedom worth it.
You might as well take advantage of it now that you’ve gotten the chance before you have to return to your lamp for good.
And who knows if your new owners will ever give you this much freedom as the ones now.
Speaking of, since you’re bored, you might as well go ahead and visit them.
Just moments before, Namjoon was given a call that brough chills down his spine. He told you not to worry about it, that you should stay while he went on to give a call to Seokjin and ran straight out the door.
You do wonder what’s happened this time.
So deciding things on your own, you transport yourself to where your owners are.
The room falls bright, very bright, and also very white.
Noises are heard everywhere, and as you stand there in the middle of the bright hallway in your genie form, you look to your right and in just that split moment, you think you can hear your heart stop beating.
A few humans in white surround him as he lays in bed, spilled with blood, Taehyung’s blood, with the other owners helping to push the bed as well and that’s when you realize; this is the hospital and Taehyung is hurt.
Taehyung is hurt.
You fly on over to follow them, panic in your eyes as they tremble upon watching Taehyung.
You want to know what happened but nothing comes out of your lips. The voices tunes out of your ear, causing nothing but a buzzing sound, but you think you can hear ‘gunshot wound’ or something along that line.
When the bed pushes past the doors, the boys are held back but you fly in either way, body not minding the closing door, until someone reaches out to grab your hand before you can rush in.
You’re pulled back with a force and when you look over your shoulder, Hoseok shakes his head.
He has blood stains on his hand, you realize, and that gives you a chance to look at the rest of their state. Everyone else seems okay, or not as heavily injured as Taehyung, but they slump onto the seats next to the walls, faces ashened white with worry.
You don’t know what’s going on with you but something in you breaks.
“I can help,” you declare, rushing to their sides. “I can heal him, please.”
A genie isn’t supposed to make those requests, they’re supposed to stand by and only act when their owner wishes for them to.
But you disregard the rules, feeling desperate as you look at your owners. “If you just wish for it, I could..I can heal the sixth and we don’t have to worry about the doctors making a mistake or him not surviving so please. Please, let me heal him. Please…Please, first owner.”
The leader looks at you with hesitation, his eyes an emotion you can’t quite explain. “Y/N…”
But you’re desperate.
“Please. I could make it all better with just a snap of my finger. The sixth owner’s life is worth so much so you have to…you have to lose this wish on him. Please…I could heal him and he won’t hurt. He doesn’t deserve to be in pain. With me, I can make it all disappear and he won’t hurt anymore so please…please.”
They’re hesitant because to them, losing any amount of wish would mean a step closer to you disappearing from their lives but if they don’t wish, they risk the chance of losing Taehyung forever.
They don’t want that either.
“Okay.” Namjoon decides and your head snaps up at him. “I wish for you to heal Taehyung.”
Your eyes which had always been so determined, so brave and fierce, not trembles with fear. But upon hearing that wish, you pick yourself up and rush right into the emergency room.
They hold their breaths, watching after the closed doors, as the time ticks.
.
.
You feel a gentle hand run through your hair and that, along with the blinding light from the sun, wakes you up.
“Morning,” a voice calls softly and your head perks up from where you sat, remembering the fact that you feel asleep against Taehyung’s bed just the night before.
“Sixth owner!” You greet happily and reach out to grab ahold of his hands. “How’re you feeling? Are you hurt anywhere?”
Taehyung shakes his head. “The doctor says it was a miracle but I heard what happened.” He rests his hand on your head, tousling your hair. “It was you, wasn’t it, little lamp?”
Little lamp.
You let out a sigh of relief, shoulders finally slumping from the weight that laid against them. “So you’re really alright…”
“Yeah,” he nods, “all thanks to you.”
“If the first owner hadn’t made that wish, who knows where you’d be right now.” You nuzzle closer to his palm, finding comfort in his warmth, in the fact that it’s what helps you to remember that he’s still here, alive and well. Humans are such weak creatures. They can die so easily. “I’m glad you’re alright…I’m so glad.”
“You demanded Namjoon to wish for it, didn’t you?”
You avoid his gaze, looking off to the side. “I…may have had a say in it.”
Taehyung laughs. “I thought you were a play by the rules, girl. Didn’t think you’d ever have the guts to go against a rule of the genies.”
“I was desperate, alright?” You pout slightly and he finds it so adorable when you look up at him with those shiny eyes. “I couldn’t have my owner dying off out of nowhere.”
“Ah, so that’s what this is about?” He laughs again before, tilting his head to the side, question in his mind. “By the way, if your owner were to die, what happens to the genie?”
“Unfortunately things proceed the way it would were the wishes to be completed. Though in your case, I’m not too sure what would happen since there’s seven owners. Maybe the wishes would be reduced?”
“I see,” he nods, thinking. “But either way, you went against the law of nature too, didn’t you? Wasn’t that rule also important? To not interfere in human affairs, to let them go through their own things. I didn’t die and I know there’s a rule against bringing back the dead but healing me completely must also have its consequences, right?” When you don’t say anything, Taehyung sighs, his brows heavy. “You did that for me…thank you, Y/N.”
“I didn’t want to lose you,” you admit, “I couldn’t lose you. And it’s weird because I’ve never felt this way with my owners before but you guys — the seven of you, I…— I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you. No matter what.”
“Doesn’t that mean you’re getting attached?”
You blink and Taehyung takes ahold of both your hands. He squeezes them lightly before looking you straight in the eyes, his very own filled with some sort of emotion you can’t quite understand.
“Get attached,” he whispers. A plea.
“Huh?”
“...I wish you could get attached.”
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Twin Flames ❤️🔥 Part 8: Crooked Love In a Straight Line
Series Masterlist
Part 8 Soundtrack
Summary: "It was no shock or surprise that Rafe was your lifeline. He always had been, since the very first night. But you’d often wondered what it was you did for him. How your chaos and turbulence could all be worth it to him."
Warnings: 18+ only!!! Cursing, alcohol, heavy intoxication, mentions of drug use, family tension, fighting, mentions of blood (slight), suggestive language, smut (towards the end)
Word Count: 9.2k
Notes: holy mother of god I cannot believe it’s taken me this long—I’m so fucking excited to finally be done with this! I’ve been looking at it so long I was starting to hate it. Pretty sure this might in fact be the first smut I ever wrote for TF 🥲 One of many big reveals happens! I’ve had this idea thought of and written for so long, it’s cool to see it come to life finally. (more to come on that…) FYI: You meet a new face in Part 9, maybe even 2 😇 enjoy, love you forever and let me know what you think!!!! Lastly, I feel like I may have missed adding people to the taglist, plz lmk if I did!!!!
A palpable change could be felt in the air over the coming weeks as an excited, frenzied spirit overtook the entire Kildare Island by storm.
You’d spent enough time on this island to be well acclimated to the social events and norms that took precedent nearly each week. Yet nothing could hold a flame to the literal chokehold currently placed on every single Figure 8 resident as the next looming yearly Kook event approached further.
That nervous energy had carried over to a certain ocean eyed, “Kook King” currently sitting across from you at the Island Club.
Rafe wasn’t even really eating, basically just toying the food around his plate, unable to stomach much until he finally asked his burning question.
You didn’t miss the way his eyes scanned over you expectantly every few seconds since the moment you sat down nor the way he kept fidgeting with the watch in his left wrist as he looked as though he were internally debating something important.
It took only one single meaningful glance at him, eyebrow quirked out of curiosity to get Rafe’s lips to open and the words to fall out. They catch you off guard all the same.
“Will you go to Midsummers with me?”
Your face scrunched in confusion, this is what had him on edge throughout all of lunch?
“The club event thing?”
Your mind flashes back, remembering pictures you’d seen of Rafe from last year in that pale blue suit that always made your insides squirm and your face heat up. He only nodded his head providing no further explanation to his request. You’d been to dozens of events this summer already, from charity dinners to galas to important luncheons— you name it. Yet not a single one permitted the necessary of a date.
Let alone that necessity of YOU being Rafe’s date.
“Is that the kind of thing you bring a date to?”
Rafe bites back his laugh at the question, the grand gesture of bringing a date to midsummers and its insinuation to the entire Figure Eight community totally lost on you.
She has no idea…
“Yes, it’s the kind of thing you bring dates to, Y/N”.
He offers you a warm smile as the air buzzes between the two of you.
Surely you had to feel that too, right?
Rafe can barely handle the look you shoot him, your whole face lighting up at your next words.
“You’re asking me out on a date…?”
Your voice fades into soft wonder. While your question may be rhetorical, he realizes in that moment how truly alike you are in that way— how similar the two of you can be. He wonders if you even realize you’re doing it? How you need to hear him say it, how the words themselves need to validate it for you. The exact same as he’s repeatedly asked of you.
He doesn’t miss the gulp you take when he replies with a confident “Yes”, trying to appear full of nothing but patience as his leg begins to shake under the table.
When your mouth starts to fall open, Rafe goes into full panic mode.
“I’ve taken you out on dates before, Y/N/N…” he scoffs with a laugh to let you know he’s trying to play along.
“Well yeah, no shit— but none of them had you sweating through your shirt just by—”
Your breath catches when you look up at him to see the vulnerability overshadow his facial features. Your playfulness, meant to lighten the room, tugged harshly at unknown insecurities now on full display before you as you falter.
Is he really that afraid you’re going to say no?
“Baby…”
It’s one single word yet it breaks through every hardened exterior Rafe’s been protecting himself with as his eyes are beg you for an answer.
“Rafe, baby, c’mon the last thing you’re ever going to have to do is beg me to let you take me out on a date—”
“Y/N…”
His voice is soft but stern and has a pleading tone to it that you didn’t expect, catching you off guard again as you try to smooth things over with your smart ass attitude and charm.
One look at him and you know— know he needs to hear it.
“Please…”
It’s one of those moments you know he’d probably rather die than show anyone else— vulnerable and emotions ripped open and out in display. But you also know his feelings are so intense and eating him up alive over this so bad that he needs to show someone— anyone or he’s going to burst.
For the briefest of seconds you have the forward thought that maybe Rafe does want to show these moments to others he just hasn’t figured out how. Maybe that’s what he’s begging to do right now.
It was no shock or surprise that Rafe was your lifeline. He always had been, since the very first night. But you’d often wondered what it was you did for him. How your chaos and turbulence could all be worth it to him.
Maybe this was it? Maybe this is what no one else in this world can show him but you.
You stand from the tall bar chair abruptly, your body beating your mind as it tries to catch up, your arms already reaching around his neck as he steadies you against him with wide eyes.
“Rafe Cameron, I would literally love nothing more than for you to take me to midsummers…with you.”
He catches the clarification at the end, matching your quirked brow.
“Under one condition—”
The thought of holding any part of Rafe’s feelings ransom right now seems ungodly— trying to take back your words immediately, fumbling for a second.
“Er— nope, a request actually…”
Your tone changes in a second flat and Rafe, having been here a thousand times before, should’ve known better as he fully succumbs to your attempts to seduce him with one single look.
“If you’ll humor me…”
You’re only an inch or two away now, staring down at his lips as you close the gap between you even further.
“Anything, Y/N/N…”
His response, the easy confession to give you whatever you want stirs your mind.
The look you give him is truly malicious, knowing whatever words are about to come from your mouth are gonna rattle his brain.
“Promise you’ll fuck my brains out in your truck after. Or during, whichever you prefer.”
He would’ve been stunned by your words if they hadn’t pulled at a distant memory in his brain somewhere.
“In my truck…? Why in my—”
He chokes back when the memories of him and Mackenzie Slater float to the surface of Midsummers last year in his truck— coked out of his mind and having his way with her.
Your grin is easy and playful but has a deep rooted sense of mischief that sends shivers down his spine.
“I literally had to listen to this bitch talk in vivid detail about how you ‘tore her to shreds’ last summer—”
If you weren’t so giddy and breezy right now Rafe would’ve surely thrown up.
In the middle of broad daylight— on the Island Club patio, he feels your hands on either side of his face before he feels you pull his bottom lip between your teeth, suckling on it enough to earn a moan from him before pulling back.
“So now, I’m going to tear you to shreds, baby boy.”
Emotions— each and every single one of them meant for you— come rupturing out of him as arguably one of the biggest grins you’d ever seen on him breaks out over his perfect face.
You swell with pride as he laughs, letting him sturdy you against him, playfulness radiating off of you and tugging at his heartstrings.
“What if it’s not my truck— what if it’s that locker room right over there?” He whispers deep into your ear as he points to the small buildings by the pool.
“As long as it’s close enough for her to hear, I don’t give a shit—”
“Fuck…”
He needs to relax— he can already feel his dick hardening against the light fabric of his golf shorts— but he fucking can’t when you’re saying things like that.
Playful or not, Rafe has hardly, realistically if ever, experienced you being jealous— and you’ve had plenty of reasons to be, given his history. Seeing it displayed in any fashion— seeing you needy and demanding of him— was doing determinantal things to his mind.
“You’re trouble…”
Your next words full on stun him, as he hopes to fucking god you’re right.
“No, I’m yours.”
Your phone goes off as you're making your way up the staircase of Tanneyhill, this time your intentions set to the other Camerons.
Kelce 🌶: plz god tell me u said yes to midsummers…
Kelce 🌶: I don’t think I’ve seen our boy this stressed since Ward fired him for a whole month last summer after all that shit went down
Y/N: wtf is the deal with midsummers?! People are literally losing their minds over this shit
Kelce 🌶: oh my sweet, sweet Y/N…
Kelce🌶: welcome to the Figure 8, dream girl! are you even surprised at this point?
Y/N: I don’t think anything can surprise me at this point
Kelce 🌶: never say never…
You can hear Sarah on the other side talking to Wheezie as you approach her bedroom door, not bothering to knock as you twist the handle.
“I should’ve just bought a dress when I was in Charlotte last weekend this is truly a nightm—”
“Oh, thank god!”
Wheezie jumps off the bed upon your arrival, almost throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation.
“Save me, Y/N— she’s lost it!”
She’s pointing at a bewildered Sarah, dresses thrown across her bed messily as she paces.
“Girl—”
You’re shaking your head, not bothering to scan her selections, already making your way to hang them back up in her closet, your tone stern in a “my best friend needs me or she’s going to go crazy” kind of way.
“How many times have we done this rodeo?! Quit stressing, you already know we are just gonna raid my closet and I’ll dress you. Stop panicking!”
“But—”
“Sarah! I’ve got you! When have I ever let you step foot out of this house without looking immaculate?”
“Ugh, you’re right…”
Wheezie throws you another impatient, helpless look.
“What the hell! I just said the exact same thing to you for the last half hour and you didn’t want to hear it—”
Sensing a classic Cameron sister temper tantrum in the early stages, you do your best to nip it in the bud.
“Why the hell are you so stressed out about it anyways?”
“It’s Midsummers!”
Sarah throws her words around like you’re supposed to know the significance behind them.
“Mid-fucking-summers” you mock her, “Jesus Christ, what is this thing? I feel like everyone in this town is losing it.”
“Sarah has a date!”
Wheezie’s eyes narrow at her older sister.
“But of course she’s being a bitch and won’t say who—”
“Wheezie!”
You don’t even bother trying to diffuse the situation at this point, sisters will be sisters, especially if your last name is Cameron.
“Wait, who is this mystery date?”
A tingly sense of deja vu hits you as you question her.
“It’s a…surprise, I don’t want—”
“A surprise?!”
Mystery date. Noah’s favorite cologne. His most expensive watch.
“Oh my God— it’s not my fucking brother is it?”
“What!?”
Sarah and Wheezie both nearly scream in unison, making you flinch backward at the loud sound.
“No!”
But Sarah’s cheeks are still burning crimson— she feels it too, knowing she’s giving away all her secrets with one blush.
“No way…”
You’re trying not to giggle but you can tell there’s something more to the surface there.
“It’s— not— Noah!!”
Sarah throws a pillow at your head in mock frustration.
“Alright, Jesus calm down! This thing has you almost as stressed as your brother…”
“Wait— what?!”
Wheezie drops her phone between her hands, hearing it hit the floor with a loud thud as Sarah’s jaw nearly hits the floor too.
“He asked you to Midsummers?!”
Sarah’s question seems rhetorical but when Wheezie blurts in you start wondering if there’s something you’re missing, a game that you’re not up to bat at yet…
“Wait, Y/N. Rafe like legit asked you to Midsummers with him?”
The pressure of his two little sisters staring at you like you have seven heads in response to their brother— who you’ve been openly hooking up with all summer and spending nearly every waking moment with— asking you out on a date— to a stupid kook event finally boils over.
“What the fuck is the deal with all of you?!”
“Have you lost your mind? You’re acting like he’s asking for my fucking hand in courtship or some dumbass—”
Yet when Sarah cuts in, it’s almost too obvious. Her words hitting you like a ton of bricks.
“Y/N! That’s exactly what he’s doing...”
The day rolls around fast, that looming stressful energy only getting greater by the second.
While this felt like any other chaotic day on the Figure Eight to you; the dozens upon dozens of texts from Sarah had proved otherwise.
Rafe had been pissed he couldn’t pick you up, but knowing the buttons he’d be pushing throughout the evening, he’d decided to play it cool when both your fathers demanded that each of you show up with your respective families.
“Show up”— being the key phrase that Rafe was willing to find a loophole.
Being a Cameron meant showing up ridiculously early to events such as these, always being the absolute picture perfect family, not a toe out of line…
Normally Rafe would have a hard time choking down the bullshit at events like these, but tonight his only intent is you. He barely hears his father drone on as he stands with Sarah and Wheezie at the front steps of the Island Club entrance.
“You don’t see their car yet do you?”
Sarah tries to ask casually but Rafe can tell there’s something off in his sisters voice.
“Why— nervous to see Noah?” Wheezie bites back quickly.
“I told you it’s not fucking Noah—”
“Then who the hell is—”
“Children—”
Ward's voice cuts off the youngest Cameron sibling as Rafe immediately wants to choke on the condescending tone dripping from his father‘s one word.
Ward takes an irritated look at his son, eyes scanning him from head to toe.
“What the fuck were you thinking wearing this?”
He doesn’t bother hiding his words from the rest of the family, Wheezie throwing her father an irritated look before lowly whispering at her feet.
“I think it looks great…”
Rafe, who’s insides are warmed at his sister's reassurance, is trying to remain calm, knowing silence will only irritate his father more. When he just shrugs his shoulders casually, Ward looks like he’s going to burst into flames.
“We’ll talk about this later.”
Rafe’s next words cause Wheezie’s irritated look at her father to turn to shock.
“Oh I’m sure we will...”
Everyone just stands there, Rafe letting an accidental laugh fall from his lips as his father just stands there bewildered but fuming, not yet used to the resistance from his eldest child.
Unsure if he’s going to punch him in the face or not, Rafe braces for either option, body settling when he sees Ward take a deep breath and look to his other children.
“We are going to start lining up now— go ahead and stand behind myself and Rose—”
It’s at that moment Rafe sees the large SUV pull up, spotting your driver immediately. His heart races when he sees him get out and make his way over to the back door, watching your father get out first, followed by Zach.
“I’m not walking in with you guys…”
Rafe’s positive his father looks like he’s about to have a heart attack but he’s not even looking in Ward’s direction to confirm it— not paying him the slightest attention anymore, hearing Sarah’s voice instead, eyes hyper focused at catching the exact moment you stepped foot out of that car.
“Neither am I…”
Whatever his fathers reaction was, he didn’t catch it, his feet already taking a step toward, Sarah trailing just behind him as he sees Noah stick his hand out and watches yours latch onto it.
Noah’s firm hand helps you out of the car as you straighten your dress, a warm fuzzy feeling washing over you immediately after you step out, knowing only one thing… Rafe’s eyes are on you.
You’re twisting around, eyes scanning the entrance until you’re met with the most brilliant, breath taking shade of blue. Shock washes over your body, as you for once aren't describing Rafe’s eyes…
Your legs are no longer moving yet he’s still getting closer to you, his own closing the distance when yours fail to work.
So many thoughts compete for dominance in your weak brain. Like how you know Rafe is more than aware this was going to piss off Ward, how you know it’s going to majorly draw attention and most importantly, how you know how badly he wanted to wear it.
As your eyes scan up and down every single inch of him, you have the same thought seeing the suit on Rafe as you did that day in the store when he’s taken you shopping; how it was literally made to be ripped off of him.
The same exact deep turquoise suit you’d pointed out to him that day he’d closed down the entire store to make all of your wildest dreams come true, the brilliantly bright shade catching your eye and doing wicked things when picturing your tall, handsome boy within it. The same exact suit now fitted perfectly to every inch of his skin. As he smiles at you, that beloved strand of hair falls onto his eyelashes and you know you’re a goner.
The feeling shoots straight down and you can feel your pussy start to actually tingle. The dress you’d worn had required no panties from you— causing the pool already forming between your legs to soak down your thighs, breath hitching as you felt it drip down lower and lower…
It was going to be a long night.
That’s the same exact thought Rafe is having as he looks down at you, shades of white and gold making him melt into you, the white feather boa dangling from your elbows making his already fragile mind wander…
“Well fuck— you clean up nice eh, Boy Wonder?” Noah throws a nod in Rafe’s direction.
The words come tumbling out of your mouth so fast they’re almost hard to make out.
“This fucking suit looks incredible on you! I knew you’d lov—”
“Not as incredible as this dress I’m going to tear off you later—”
The promise of your earlier request— hoping and praying he’ll tear it to shreds.
His finger glides along your hip before his lips meet yours in a bruising kiss, not giving shit that your lip gloss now stains his face.
“Okay chill—”
Noah scoffs, looking away from you, training his eyes on Sarah, maybe for a little too long.
“I’m right the fuck here—”
Sarah just laughs. “You think they care?”
“They should care—”
“Get the fuck out!”��
Kelce, already heavily tranced into his typical fun loving ‘I don’t give a fuck kind of attitude’ comes stumbling into view, Topper not far behind him, goofy eyed and sporting a lob sided grin you know too well. They were far from sober.
“Dream girl, who told you that you could show up to this fine establishment looking so beautiful, hmm?”
Kelce reaches a hand out to you, only to be swatted away harshly by Rafes, his death glare making him falter.
“Baby gir— ow fuck, your man’s ain’t playin tonight is he?”
“Watch it, Kelce—”
Topper grins further at Rafe, sensing his annoyance, the drink in his hand sloshing around dangerously as he eyes his friends outfit cautiously.
“Bro— what the hell are you wearing? I spotted you a smile away in that color—”
You catch Rafe’s eye right as he sees the twinkle form in yours.
“It looks so sexy on him, doesn’t it?” You question the group, looking googly eyed at Rafe, unwilling to help how happy and proud of him that he was slowly, on his own time, allowing others around him to see the real him.
Topper fake wretches, earning a laugh from Noah.
“They’re fucking disgusting, right?”
Your smart ass response back to your brother is cut off by his loud cat whistle, causing everyone to whip their heads towards the sound.
“Speaking of sexy…damn, Sid—okay—”
Your head snaps up, catching the moment Sid steps out into view looking like something out of a runway fashion show, his bright eyes piercing when matched with the darker shades of his suit.
You’re blinking rapidly in Rafe’s grasp, trying to decipher if your eyes are playing tricks on you.
“What’re you doing here? I told you I’d be fine tonight, I don’t need you standing guard at—”
When Sid’s arm slides gracefully behind Sarah’s back, eyes bashfully coming up to catch his gaze, your words begin to trail, the loose ends quickly coming together as you try to make sense of it in your brain.
“I’m here on other obligations, actually…”
Topper— be it the alcohol or the arrogance is the first to speak up.
“THAT'S your date?”
The way he says it leaves a tone of bitterness that can only be reflected at such events. You hear him scoff as he brings his drink back up to his lips.
“Bet Wards gonna fucking love that…”
“That’s the plan…”
The dreamy quality to Sarah’s voice matches her bright smile as she looks almost too mischievously up at Sid, a toothpick hanging loosely from his mouth as you watch her eye it closely, so close in fact you swear you can hear each and every one of her thoughts as you loudly clear your throat.
“Uh—”
“We are gonna go line up, we’ll see you inside, okay?”
Before any of you can respond, Sarah’s grabbing Sid’s arm purposefully, leading him up the staircase, not before giving you a clear “I’ll fill you in later, promise” look over her shoulder as she departs.
You’re lost wondering what they’re up to when Rafe squeezes your sides.
“We should follow.”
You watch as Kelce hits Topper on the arm knowingly, swearing you hear a “Good luck, bro” from him. Your eyes furrowed in confusion as Noah clocks the whole thing, snickering loudly at your rarely oblivious nature.
He backs away, not before whispering an eager “you got this— don’t choke” in your ear, your eyes nearly bulging out of your head when they snap to his, full of confusion.
The look on your face only makes him laugh harder, giving Rafe a pat on the back and a small wink as a final departure.
Before you can get too lost in the confusion of the last few minutes, his hands are guiding you with ease up the steps, cradled into his arms. You pretend not to notice when he falls back a few feet to pull his phone out and snap a picture of you walking up them.
Yet the “Hey, dream girl” he calls out to you, makes you halt, sending shivers up your spine as you turn to meet the lens with a smile at the exact perfect moment.
Rafe only looks down at the photo for half a second— he already knows it’s perfect— before returning the phone to his pocket, arms coming out to cradle his favorite thing in the world between them again: you.
The sun is at the perfect spot, catching that magnificent golden hour glow, the clouds eliminating those beautiful shades of pink and orange, keeping the stars safe for the time being.
There’s something about the way Rafe’s hands are touching you, like he’s never going to be able to get enough of you. He’s holding you like he never wants to let go.
You see the huge crowd of people outside through the glass windows and he leads you into the hall, joining the small line as a Island Club Society worker leads you to where you need to be.
There’s only a few people in front of you but your mind can’t focus on that, only on the man on your other side.
You feel him bring his lips down onto your shoulder, holding them there till you release a large breath that nearly turns into a whimper.
Another step forward as the line in front of you grows shorter, now waiting outside on the deck, the worker usherly you expertly into place, feeling the small breeze on your face, catching all of your friends in the crowd as they look up at you.
But it’s not just them— nearly every single person in the crowd is looking up at the two of you, making you freeze in horror until you feel his arms pull you closer into him, into the safest space you’ve ever known, his voice making you gaze up at him.
His fingers come out to gently graze your cheek, the twinkling lights and golden hour glow hitting your eyes just perfectly and he swears you look like a fucking angel— until he hears your perfectly sassy response.
“What, are you gonna kiss me in front of all these people, Cameron?”
The playful, seductive tone you’re using just bounces right off Rafe’s shield, and when he looks at you dead in the eyes, looking right into your soul— you know.
“Baby…”
There’s commotion all around you both—the electric buzz of the evening, music playing in the background, guests cheering for the couple now entering directly before you two.
True to everything Rafe Cameron has ever shown you, the second he looks at you—it all comes to a complete crashing halt, obliterating everything in the world but the two of you standing there.
When his mouth moves and he begins to speak, his words tattoo your skin with a promise.
“I’m yours, Y/N. From this moment forward, I want there to be no mistake on where I stand or what this is…what you are to me.”
As all of the air leaves your lungs, you can only think one single thing: “Holy fuck, this is it…”
“I’m in. All in. For real…no fucking games. Not with you. Ever.”
As if the act of walking through this stupid threshold at the Island Club was not a statement enough— it’s Rafe, and he needs to say it.
“You’re mine, Y/N.”
There they were. The words you were finally willing to accept that you’d been begging to hear from him since the moment you stepped foot on this island. Yet you couldn’t explain why you felt like you’d been begging for it since long before even then, long before the moment he caught you off guard months ago.
Your mouth falls open, not at all registering that there’s no longer people in front of the two of you, that it’s just the open air exposing you to the hundreds of guests in attendance, yet it’s still only him you can see.
Holy shit he’s going to do it…
You hear the speaker at the podium announce both of your names at that exact moment, Rafe’s eyes never leaving you as he grins and leans in.
“Yeah, I’m gonna kiss you now, Y/N/N...”
His leg expertly fiddles with yours for only half of second, making you feel like you’re losing your footing but really you’re just falling back into Rafe’s arms as he dips you back, his lips giving you the most tender kiss of a lifetime as the crowd goes wilds at your entrance.
When he pulls back you’re staring into those ocean blue orbs that you know will hold you down set you free forever if you let them.
The next minute he’s guiding you down the steps, not missing the eyes of eye single person in town staring between you and Rafe, not missing the whispers as you passed, your boy shooting you a wink as he squeezes your hand— no doubt hearing them too but making every single thing that has led to this moment worth it.
After all the guests have been properly announced but before dinner can start everyone in attendance is required to do the typical Figure Eight rodeo— the bullshit and arrogance of making the rounds at an all time high.
Rafe doesn’t let you go far— not that you’re even remotely trying to be elsewhere— happily glued to his side all evening.
The course of pleasantries takes you towards a circle enclosing your fathers and eldest brother entirely too quick— not missing the murderous looks they’re each throwing both of you.
“Rafe, my boy!”
One of your fathers clients ushers him over, Rafe’s tight grasp around your waist bringing you along with him as Zach rolls his eyes.
“Your father was just telling me about the deal you signed last week over in Williamston, pretty big move, son!”
Wards grinning at Rafe but it’s sickly and you can tell it’s actually paining him to do so, especially with you pinned to his sons side.
“Thank you, Sir. I’m pretty pleased with how it all turned out.”
Before anyone else can say another word, your father makes his presence known, loud and clear.
“Well, get ready, that was one of thousands. Small fish in a big pond…”
He says it so casually but you know his words mixed with the look your fathers shooting Rafe— one that says he looks at him as nothing more than a fly in his grasp— you know it’s meant to knock him down a beg.
But Rafe never flinches.
“Harold…I know you just met my son, Noah—”
Your fathers eyes sulk to you now, his bourbon grasped firmly in the same hand gesturing towards your figure.
“This is—”
Rafe Cameron also never misses.
Rafe flashes his cockiest smile he can muster towards the elder man, voice cutting through your fathers with such ease and just enough malice to effectively cut him off.
“Mr. Reynolds’s—”
Rafe’s voice is the proudest you’ve ever heard it, his arm tucked securely around your waist as he pulls you in front of him, showing you off like you’re the greatest thing in the entire world.
“This is my girlfriend—”
Zach chokes on his drink, coughing loudly but all of the men aren’t paying attention, instead hanging onto Rafe’s every word.
“Y/N Y/L/N…”
When your fathers eyes glaze over, Rafe takes one look up at him, holding firm in his stance, holding firm on you, holding firm on you trying to let his eyes do the talking.
I’ll never let you take her from me…ever
“It’s nice to meet you sir…”
Your hand comes up to shake Mr.Reynolds as he eyes between the two of you knowingly, eagerly taking your hand and holding it for a moment.
“Well I’ll be damned! I was just overhearing from another guest in attendance about some helluva speech the two of you put on a few weeks ago. Heard you both had the donors eating out of your hands so hard, you nearly tripled the projections. Heard your fathers had a field day!”
“So much for a small fish in a big pond—”
Mr.Reynolds winks over at Rafe and you’re waiting for the glass to shatter within your fathers hands, watching the way the muscles in his hand tighten.
Much to every other person's dismay, he’s all too eager to continue on singing both your praises until none other than Rose Cameron interjects the circle— the most unlikely hero— letting you all know dinner is about to begin.
Being Rose, she reads the tension immediately, eyes easily settling on you as the source of dismay as the speaker at the podium kindly asks guests to find their seats at their respective tables.
“Ayo— dream giiiiiiiiiiirl—”
As if on queue, Kelce’s slurred voice howls into the air, his arm lobbing over Rafe’s shoulder but he’s pointing at you, unlike Rose, not reading the room at all in the slightest bit— alcohol radiating off his breath.
“Bitch—What did I tell you about yo fine ass ‘bout comin in here lookin so—”
This time it’s Rose's voice to harshly cut him off, Rafe just laughing loudly at his friend's inebriation and his step mothers clear outward frustration and personal offense to it.
“Kelce Smith!”
As you watch Kelce’s lazy gaze make their way toward Rose’s beyond irritated figure, that “try me” kind of smile you know all too well from your friend by now, you know it can only mean trouble.
“Aww, C’mon now, Rose— don’t be like that sweetheart, I know you like it when I—”
Your shrill laughter cuts through the air the same moment Ward takes a step forward. Rafe, choking on his own laughter, pulls his friend back a few feet out of precaution as Rose covers her husband, taking a dangerous step in your direction as she hisses out her command.
“Seats! Now! All of you…”
None of you wait a second further, still trying your best to contain yourselves as Rafe balances Kelce over one shoulder and you on the other.
“What man? Rose might be a fucking cunt— but she’s a hot one.”
Rafe’s just shaking his head, pretending not to hear your fits of giggles as you finally find the rest of your friends at your designated table.
Rafe plops Kelce down in the seat next to Topper—the famous drunkest duo of the evening— both of them literally fist bumping as Kelce nearly knocks over his water glass— before seating him and yourself between Sarah and Noah.
All throughout dinner, he’s making eyes at you. His little touches sending shockwaves throughout every cell in your body.
The way his arm stays over the back of your chair the entire time. The way his fingers make their way to the back of your neck, kneading at the flesh there just enough to make you want to roll your head back into his grasp. The way his other hand sometimes pinches at the side of your waist affectionately whenever he laughs at one of Toppers dumb jokes or begins to tell Logan an animated story. The way his eyes dance over your features every few seconds, each time taking in different parts of you, watching as his eyes linger at his favorite parts: every single inch. The way his lingering gaze makes your legs clench under the table as your earlier promise buzzes through your mind, body electrified in anticipation.
You’re so caught up in Rafe, your friends keep having to pull you back into the conversation happening around the table, your usually bubbly and engaged presence entirely elsewhere.
“Y/N, hello!”
“Sorry, what?”
Eyes prying themselves from Rafe’s hungry gaze as Topper repeats himself, pointing toward Sarah.
“I was telling everyone about the family trip to the Bahamas…”
Rafe’s heart skips a beat for a second— his usual dreaded fear of the inevitable, yet this time feeling nothing but purpose instead of dread at the mention, fate having a funny way of working itself out.
This is it…he can feel it.
“My cousin and I managed to sneak away for a bit one night to find that club Sarah mentioned.”
“Oh my god, no you did not!” Sarah’s eyes are shooting you daggers. “I couldn’t even remember the name of the place, how did you—”
“And no wonder you two idiots—” he’s pointing between you and her now “almost didn’t make it back in one piece— that place is a fucking shit hole. I don’t even know how you—”
“But Topper how the fuck did you actually find it, all I said was what color the building was and that it was on the northern shore of the island.”
“Well there’s your first mistake Princess, it’s not on the northern shore—”
Yet it’s Rafe’s voice who makes the clarification, knowing— with a hellfire bent feeling deep in his bones that this is it— this is the moment.
“It’s on the eastern side of the island actually…right behind that old warehouse.”
You hear the words leave his mouth but it takes a moment for your brain to tell your body to actually move your gaze to his, for your brain to even function really.
“Oh my god…”
Your voice is hollow— stopping any other conversations at the table.
Yet the second you lock eyes with him, fate answers your most haunting question— for one horrific second, all of your walls come threatening to crumble down at the long awaited truth— yet that can’t be possible— because the answer is your dream boy, your safe space, your boyfriend. The answer— now staring right back at you with that famous soul touching depth— was Rafe.
“It was you…”
Realization— waves and waves of it— come crashing down on you as gravity wills you to keep breathing— to keep searching his eyes for answers to the loose strings.
He’s smirking at you now and his own eyes are shooting straight through you.
You know. You fucking know it was him
“Holy shit, Rafe...”
Hearing the tremble in your voice, his finger comes up to caress your cheek as it reddens, watching your eyes already threaten to spill over with tears.
“Shhh, baby—”
Sarah— too stunned to speak, sits there with her hand fully covering her mouth now hanging agape as Noah finally catches on, sharing the same shocked expression as her.
“Holy fucking shit, Y/N/N…“ running a hair through his perfectly slicked back locks, causing a a few strands to fall out of place, unable to find the words.
“It was YOU?!” Sarah finally manages to choke out— nearly shouting at her brother.
The table around you has come to halt but it’s just you and Rafe. His finger is still on your cheek and he doesn’t give a shit that there’s a dozen eyes on him as he chooses where to begin, never taking his eyes off you for a single second, the buzz of the evening a constant thrum in the background.
His thumb gently grazes your cheek bone, eyes boring into yours with such intensity— with such admiration— quietly willing you to trust him— the same as you had done the very first night as he finally lays out his truth.
“You were the drunkest I’ve ever seen you—”
You winced painfully at his brutal right off the bat honesty, easing instantly as words continued to tumblr out of his mouth like silk.
“I finally got you in the truck…asked me at least fifteen times if I was a predator and to please not kill you—”
(another huge wince from you—mixed with a snort of laughter from Noah—hearing it like he’s thousands of light years away)
“Told you over and over again that I knew Zach and your dad but you were relentless…”
Panic. That’s all you could feel. Scared—terrified even of where this was going, knowing your history and the fact that you remember literally nothing from this memory he’s telling you— that fateful night in the Bahamas all those years ago with Sarah.
Rafe’s voice sounds like he’s an another planet—truthfully he is— his memory taking him to the night he met the girl in front of him— the night his life changed forever.
“I don’t think I’d laughed that hard in a long time. You were so effortlessly…annoyingly—funny. Then just as quick as you came into my truck you hopped out…Turned around to look me dead in the eyes and said ‘You’re a sweet boy, Rafe Cameron’ and strode on into the house…”
His thumb brushes over your lips now and you swear you can see angels behind him.
“And I knew…the moment those words left your mouth that I didn’t stand a fucking chance…”
The look on his face is the kind that people wrote movies about. It's the kind of look that moves mountains—that defies gravity. It’s the kind of beauty that burns so brilliant it can melt you at the slightest touch. And if you were being brutally honest, you would let this man stare at you forever if it meant getting to be under his brilliant blue gaze that so intensely lit up your entire world.
Your jaw was gaping open, heart beating the fastest it ever had as his words hang in the air— as a missing piece of your puzzle comes together— as your brain feels like it’s going to begin to melt down.
Sarah, the other culprit of that fateful evening, is the one to finally break the tension, her voice a low hum against the evening happening behind them as Sid eyes you wildly next to her.
“Rafe—who the…”
Her brain seems to be breaking down too as she tries to get words out, failing miserably.
“What the actual fuck…?!” She takes one more helpless look at you and before turning around and snapping her fingers for a server. “I— we need more alcohol, please! Immediately!”
You’re finally able to break your gaze away from Rafe, swallowing deeply only to loom up to see Topper who looks like he got hit in the head. Part of you wants to laugh at the look of pure bewilderment of him face but then realize you more than likely—more like without a doubt— yours looks the exact same.
YIKES.
Voices begin to fill the air, your friends all beginning to speak at once but you can’t hear them— can’t think straight as your center of gravity shifts, leaving you off balance.
Rafe, always sensing every little detail, is already clearing his throat, standing swiftly from his chair, offering you his hand.
“I think it’s time for a dance, don’t ya think?”
He sees you begin to tremble, can see the crease lines in your brow as you look up at him— only to be met with that patient, guiding smile— the only telling you everything's okay— the one only he can give you.
Sensing that you need reassurance, he bends down to kiss the skin just above your jaw before grabbing ahold of your hand firmly and guiding you up from the table.
“C’mon sweetheart—”
That’s the thing about Rafe, he always knows what you need, most times without having to say it. And while you’d felt that connection from the moment you’d met him, it’s never surprised you how quickly it came on— how quickly you were willing to trust him and let him in within just a few short months— no short feat given your long history.
But it hasn’t been months. It’s been years… and the weight of the reality of that seems to be crushing you from the inside out.
Yet as Rafe turns you toward him, not even realizing the two of you had reached the dance floor, your perspective slowly begins to shift with each passing second.
His hands— the same hands that have touched you thousands of times this summer— the same hands you’re now realizing that pulled you into his truck that night in the Bahamas— guide you into position as he effortlessly moves you throughout the dance floor.
“Say something, Y/N/N…”
“Rafe I—”
You want to say something, many things actually—
“It was you—”
He goes to open his mouth again but now your thoughts are more concise, words jumbling out of your mouth at a rapid pace.
“Why didn’t you— I mean, were you going to— my dad was so pissed that night— I couldn’t—”
Rafe laughs, the sound still holding you just as secure as his words and actions.
“Yeah, mine wasn’t too thrilled either…”
Your heart stops.
“Ward knows?”
“Of course he knows. He kind of saw straight through my bullshit once—”
“How?”
Rafe pauses, choosing his next words carefully.
“My, uh… my hands…”
Those same hands…
“They were pretty bloody…”
You’re not sure which part you’re grappling with more— the fact that Ward, whose life has become far, far too entangled with yours for various reasons has known the truth about your first encounter with Rafe this entire time— or the fact that yet another truth to your story that night has been revealed, the part you’d been terrified and riddled with guilt and worry since the moment you’d woken up that following morning and couldn’t remember a single thing— Rafe’s bloody hands.
He watches the horror flash across your face, his next words determined to put you at ease, to wash away any worry he’d known you’d harbored of that night.
“Nothing happened to you, I promise.”
“…because you—”
Another question screams through your mind, just now burning to know, wondering if this should’ve crossed your mind when initially you’d found out minutes ago.
“Why were you even there?”
His eyes burn brightly into yours, giving you your answer without a trace of guilt.
“The same reason you were…”
It takes only a moment. The reason you’d gone to the club. The connect Sarah thought he had.
The cocaine.
You’re not sure how Rafe knows that you’d gone there for coke, likely another part of your brief counter that will be explained in due time.
“Your hair was a bit darker— you were wearing that tiny ass black dress, your hair pinned back. Your nails were this bright neon color…”
The details he’s recounting take you back to that night, back to standing in that parking lot— your last memory as you hear a group of people laughing directly behind you.
“And ya know, for a girl— no offense— very clearly in distress you were fiercely stubborn—”
“Oh god, what did I say?!”
But Rafe’s still looking at you like the sun shines out of your ass— like he’s never seen anything as amazing as you.
“Well you kept calling me Ryan…”
You laugh, a real cackling kind of laugh that makes him melt, knowing he’d bring you back to earth eventually.
“You were annoying and funny and perfect and it was the first time I ever—”
Rafe struggles for a second, truly struggles to find the words to explain what changed that night.
“I don’t know— I don't know how to explain it. I pulled you into the truck and the second your mouth started running, I truly couldn’t handle it for a second. Y/N, you have literally been driving me wild from the moment I met you. And I know I should’ve told you but—”
The look he’s giving you is foreign, touching a new part of your soul like you’re discovering it for the first time together.
Rafe pulls himself together to say the words, no matter how exposed it’ll leave him, no matter how hard he has to lay his entire heart and soul on the line, no matter how vulnerable and susceptible that makes him.
“Y/N… in twenty minutes you were able to— fuck, I don’t think I can truly explain what you did to me that night. I didn’t think pulling you into my truck that night would change my life completely but it did. And from that fucking moment— fuck, I don’t even care Y/N/N, it’s the truth. You found a way into my head and you’ve been home there ever since. And since then, I’ve felt like a hurricane has come through my life— like nothing has been balanced or in place…like nothing has seemed right in my life…”
“Until you stepped foot on this island this summer…”
“And I fucking knew— I knew the moment you looked up at me on the golf course that day after giving Noah that ridiculous fucking car and I saw the smallest hint of recognition— of something in your eyes—”
“Rafe…”
“I knew, some fucking way, be it some kind of twist of fate or just pure luck…I knew somehow you felt it too.”
All of the weight from earlier feels non existent, feeling as though you’re floating high in the clouds as your words from earlier swim through your head again, this time causing the most beautiful smile to cross your face as you speak them out again, your hands coming up behind Rafe’s neck to cradle his head between them.
“It was you…”
And then fate's final seal.
“It’s always been me…”
He kisses you in that blinding, knee weakening way that only he can, not giving a shit that people are liking staring.
When he pulls away, you swear you see him wink at the DJ as the song shifts. When the beat starts and Rafe begins slowly whispering the lyrics into your ear, you swear you can feel a part of your soul leaving your body, permanently attaching itself to him. Rafe mother fucking Cameron. That part of you now irrevocably forever, irreversibly his, until time stood still.
Shouldn’t this scare the shit out of you? Shouldn’t this type of commitment that you’ve ran away from your entire life absolutely terrify you? Instead, why does this feel like you’re finally coming up for air, feeling as though you’re able to really breathe for the first time in too long?
In the middle of chaos it felt like Rafe Cameron was throwing you a lifeline. A shot at a better evening—yes. But beyond that— a glimpse into how different life could be, filled with the beautiful, genuinely raw energy only he was capable of showing you and in turn inspire within you.
A glimpse into a life of your own.
He looks down at you with the purest look of complete adoration, his gaze so intense your knees could give out. You have to mentally will yourself to stay standing. His stare at you is enough to knock you dead. You wonder how many women have made it out alive under the same pretenses before realizing……none have. It’s just you. Only you. Only you forever.
The rest of the night is filled with longing glances, little touches that speak volumes, stealing you away a few times to push you up against one of the dimly lit back walls to put his mouth and hands all over you, meant to hold you both over until you can finally slip away and hold to to his promise.
After what seems like forever, Rafe hand is finally pulling you out into the parking lot.
“I know I made you a promise—” his hands all over you yet again, “but I really just want to take you home, baby—”
Yet you only make it to the back of the Island Club parking lot— Rafe’s hand already between your legs, losing his fucking mind at how wet you are— before he’s throwing the truck in park.
“Mmm— fuck! Rafe, baby…”
“Jesus Christ, Y/N—”
“I need you so bad, Rafe—”
You barely process that he’s parked that truck as he reaches over across the center counsel to grab the handle on the side, the seat immediately snapping down so you’re fully horizontal. He’s across the center and on top of you faster than you thought capable for how tall he is.
And even quicker, he’s in you before you can process that he’s pulled your dress up to your hips until you hear his voice in your ear, feeling him slide deep in you, reveling in how perfectly he was stretching you out while in this position.
“Fuckkkkk, YN. You’ve been driving me crazy all night…”
He’s so deep in you now you can barely breathe.
“Me? You’ve been the one fucking teasing me the whole time…”
You try to pout back as your head is ponded back into the seat.
“Ohhhhh my god. This is all I was thinking about through dinner. All night—Rafe, I….”
You feel the word vomit coming on so you crash your lips to his to silence yourself.
“I know baby girl I’m sorry I couldn’t help it—” he lets out a loud moan “This goddamn dress.”
He manages to pull the straps down, freeing your nipple so he can pinch it roughly between his fingers, the feeling sending shock waves straight to your core. A near scream comes out of your mouth and he does absolutely nothing to quiet you down, the sounds you’re making inflating his head in ways he didn’t think possible. Only you could make him feel like this.
“Oh my god YN, I’m….”
“Please god don’t stop, Rafe” as your fingers tug harshly at his hairline, blonde locks entwined between them, grip tight, never wanting to let go.
“Never.”
He moans again and you swear you’re losing your mind, this man being sexiest thing ever without even fucking trying. He fully brings you back to reality with his next statement…
“You’re the only thing I’ve ever really wanted YN... and I want you so. fucking. bad.”
His hips thrust perfectly into yours with each word, never missing a beat, hitting you so incredibly deep from the angle your bodies are smashed together, trying to get impossibly closer.
You whine deeply at the admission. Unable to help the pool of arousal that’s about to soak out of you. He feels it too as you begin clenching so tight around him, his eyes roll to the back of his head for a second and the sight alone is enough to make you nearly cum. You’re so close, you both know it.
“I’m yours Rafe. Only yours. Please”
Your lips crash back to his but only for a second as your orgasm rips through your entire body, harsh moans leaving your throat as you register Rafe screaming your name. Your response clearly setting him over the edge as well. You each take a few seconds to come back to your senses, the air buzzing around you, faint humming sound surrounding all your senses.
You realize your hands are still tightly clenched in his now sweaty hair. As you release them Rafe begins trailing kisses up your neck. You turn your head so your lips are nearly touching, eyes locked.
As he looks deep into you, he feels it again...that invisible string. That silent pull you seem to have, with one look, begging him to say it again without speaking a single word. When the words start coming out you’re confident that no man has or will ever be able to read you like Rafe Cameron.
“I meant what I said YN.”
He places another kiss on your jaw and then allows his ring clad index finger to take his lips place, fingers gliding down frustratingly slow, stirring your insides yet again.
“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something so bad in my life.”
His words melt every single piece of ice that has frozen you over the last year, replacing it with a feeling you can’t recognize.
The feeling of really, truly, officially being his.
“I told you, Cameron. I’m yours. Pretty sure I’ve been yours since the moment I walked onto this stupid fucking island..”
He laughs at the thought but deep down he knows, knows you’ve been his long before that.
You both know now…He feels it too, he’s felt it from The Very First Night.
...
Taglist: @goldenjo @lurkymurker @mackenzielovee @mor-bs @totallynotkaibiased @aaleksmorozova @onlygetaway @itsalexwin @tsnelf7 @starkeybae @kotzmagotaz @maybanks-cupcake @valentinearc @valeriiecameron @lovedetlost @drewbooooo @barbietiingz @steveharringtonswifey09 @onmykneesforrafe
#twin flames ❤️🔥#rafe#outerbanks#drew starkey#outer banks#obx#rafe x reader#rafe cameron fan fiction#rafe x y/n#rafe cameron
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I was tagged by the brilliant incredible awe-inspiring endlessly-talented wonderful @sighonaraa in the following tag game, thank you so much <3
(All Ted Lasso works referenced can be found in my pinned Tumblr post I'm too lazy to add all the links)
1. How many works do you have on ao3
17 (when did it get that high????)
2. What's your ao3 word count?
71,560
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Currently Ted Lasso.... though something else might be in the works
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Daft Pretty Boys (multiship)
All Night (Always) (jan/richard)
Am I So Obvious? (Jan/Richard)
I Wanna Deserve You (Jan/ Richard)
Burning Like There's Always Been (Jan/Richard)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
No because I am so bad with compliments and I'm worried me being all bashful and saying "noo I'm bad" is annoying lol
6. Whats the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Probably back when I wrote Dungeons and Daddies fic (which I don't know if I'll ever return to sorry to my followers from that Era but maybe??) My fic A Boy Of Disparate Parts is pretty soul crushing to me
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
It's between I Wanna Deserve You and Am I So Obvious? but I'd probably give it to AISO
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Not in a while, I've had some homophobes send me anon asks before but I don't let it bother me, I always answer with kindness and education and it kind of takes the wind out of their sails
9. Do you write smut and if so what kind?
So I tried to write a poly smut scene once and got so embarrassed I abandoned it BUT I am considering it again so we'll see
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've ever written?
I'm writing my 1st one ever now bc an anon requested it and I enjoy having fun lol
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Yep. Long story. I worked it out though.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
No but I would be so honored lol
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before
I have an old ao3 account that was me and my sister writing an anime group chat fic together. It is very cringe but we had fun.
14. What's your all time favorite ship?
This is so cringe but I have a pinterest board dedicated to basically every ship I've ever had and I welcome anyone who wishes to explore it lol. The ship I come back to the most is Jenson and Cougar from the comic The Losers so probably that
15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
My abandoned fic for Dungeons and Daddies. I had so many ideas but then I got so so far behind in the podcast and I can't write without being caught up and it feels like I lost the chance to continue it
16. What are your writing strengths?
I am bad at being nice to myself but I like to think I'm a funny writer
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Too much of my greatest strength. That was a joke. It's a lot of things.
18. Thoughts is writing dialog in another language for a fic?
Do whatever you want forever. I've experimented with form while writing bilingual characters and I think there's no one right way to do this
19. First fandom you ever wrote for?
This is so embarrassing but when I was 13 I wrote rpf on Wattpad for YouTubers Jack and Dean
20. Favorite fic you've ever written
Rubberband Man has truly been such a wonderful journey for me and I can't wait for you all to see where it goes next <3
Tagging @fanficfanattic @yorkshire-rockchick and @carolinemathildes no pressure <3
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NEW EP OF 911 SPOLIERS ⚠️
So as most of you guys are aware I’m currently going through cloud 9 with Buck being a CANNON BISEXUAL AHHHHHHH. Now, with this being FINALLY being canon I have a list of things I except from Bucks new storyline
1. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONT RUSH BUCKS STORYLINE! 911 was already renewed for a season 8 (because they’re just like that😝) so there’s absolutely NO need to rush his storyline. Sooooooo many people feel seen by 911 doing this, so their main priority should be to let this storyline actually be realistic and relatable because let’s be honest by doing this I’m sure 911 views have sky rocketed (by not only old fans coming back but by other people seeing this show has bi reputation) so their best choice is to keep fueling that passion from those specific group of people
2. Buck should have trouble with his sex life. NOW HEAR ME OUT PEOPLE. Buck has never been with a man before, only women, which means he’s never had gay sex before. Now there’s not a huge difference with straight sex and gay sex but if you’re used to only being in a straight relationship and suddenly you’re in a relationship (somewhat) with a man IT CAN FEEL LIKE IT! And let’s be honest, it’ll be SOOOO in character for Buck to freak out over having sex with Tommy for the first time 😭😭😭
3. Him and Tommy should atleast make it though this season. Like everyone I really want Buddie to happen, however, I really want Buck to be truly COMFORTABLE with his sexuality and used to being in a relationship with a man. This kinda ties in with not rushing his storyline. Not to mention Tommy isn’t even that bad fr, like people are kinda pushing it by hating him so much 💀
4. This is more of a personal want but I CRAVE a good love triangle, hear me out yall. Buck is finally getting used to being with Tommy and Eddie has slowly started forming a crush on Buck. One night Buck and Eddie are talking and Buck starts talking about how happy he is with Tommy. Eddie walks closer to put his hand on Bucks shoulder and say how happy he is for him but after a while they just stopped talking and stares into each others eyes then slowly lean in for a kiss. They could either kiss (Buck starts leaning into it) but stops and says this isn’t right he’s with Tommy OR before they could kiss Chris shows up screaming about wanting pizza (Eddie plays is off like nothing happen BUT Buck stands there deep in thought ‘holy shit we almost kissed”
…..sorry for the rant BUT YEAH that’s how I want it to go (hope you enjoyed that mini fanfic😭)
5. A screenshot and Oliver eating mfs up on his story. Guy I actually love him 😭😭😭
6. Episode 5 needs to be about him, I refuse to wait two weeks for more chaotic buck trying to figure
OK THAT’S ALL YALL, I just needed to speak on that, go to my request box if you want to talk about it IM ICHING TO TALK TO SOMEONE ANLUT THIS!
#cookstorys#random thoughts#rant#evan buckley#911#bi representation#bisexual#my man fr#buddie#thoughts
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Monthly Update (March 2024!)
Hello everyone, happy March!
Karamu Trilogy
February was definitely my Kanau development month! Most of the month was devoted to working on the art assets and setting up the voice acting. I started the casting call in early February and finished it in mid-February. I also received all of the voice files and cleaned and adjusted them/requested retakes. I'll be making casting announcements soon; I'm very excited to be working with so many talented individuals!
I also started and finished all of the art for Kanau. In total, it's 7 backgrounds, 9 CGs, and 21 mini CGs! (Gosh even I'm impressed by how much art I managed to do for this…originally it was just going to be 2 backgrounds and one sprite…)
I also wrote around 6000 words for Hanasu, the Karamu sequel!
The Deepwater Witch
I finished a few of the remaining CGs for The Deepwater Witch, but there are a couple left to go that I want to take my time with. Since March will be devoted to MINDMINDMIND (and coding the Kanau release), I decided to push back the full TDW release to April.
MINDMINDMIND (Nano 2024)
I finalized the designs for Geist and Kalei, and I also finished finalizing the outline. In addition, I decided to start the casting call for this one a little early; I do want to release the voiced version for Nano if possible, and I want to give the VAs as much time as possible to record. As a result, I am DEAD SET on finishing the script within the first ten days of March…fingers crossed!
Other game build related stuff!
I got some reports in January that there were issues with TDW's MacOS build, which is probably because of my engine change (from Unity to Godot). Mac's security systems are notoriously difficult to work with, which is probably what is causing the problems. I decided to bite the bullet and buy an Apple Developer License so I could sign and notarize my Mac builds, but after struggling for around 2 weeks, I concluded: with my current game framework, it is impossible to sign and notarize for Mac. If I want to fix it, then I need to either rewrite all of my code in a different language or go back to Unity.
I did hear that deploying on itch through itch's command line app (butler) and then playing the game through the official itch app can fix some of the issues. I did that for TDW, and hopefully the MacOS game build is working okay now. If you want to play my games on Mac, please download them through the official itch app. That's the best way to make sure that they play without a hitch. Unfortunately, I don't have a good Mac (the only one I own is around 11 years old at this point), and it's difficult for me to do any Mac testing. If you run into problems, please let me know, and I'll try to get them sorted!
As for Android builds, I'm still waiting on an update to the version of Godot that I use, so I don't have a timeline on that. As soon as Android builds are available, I'll work on ports for Kanau and TDW.
What am I planning for March?
Kanau is slated to release on Friday, March 8th, so between now and then I'll be hard at work coding. I'm also going to be in the weeds scripting for MINDMINDMIND so that I can give a script to the VAs as soon as I cast (I'm aiming for around 2k words a day…hopefully…) After Kanau is released, I'll be finalizing the MINDMINDMIND script, and then the rest of the month will be devoted to putting MINDMINDMIND together. It will be finished by the end of March, by hook or by crook!
Thank you to everyone for reading, and I'll see you next month!
If you want to hear from me more often, I post frequently on my Patreon with sketches, writing snippets, sneak peeks, high resolution art, and weekly devlogs.
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20 Questions for Fic Writers!
Tagged by @hydriotaphia
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
93 on AO3, with more on ff.net and LJ.
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
401,235
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Currently writing for Crows Zero.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos
Control (Batman fandom - explicit; slash)
They can try to imagine (Avatar: the last airbender fandom - explicit; slash)
Thorin & the three lovers (Hobbit fandom - mildly explicit; slash)
An enlightening experience (Star Wars fandom - gen)
Children (Batman Nolanverse fandom - slash)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Um, I want to say yes but often I get lazy and the days pass and then it's just awkward to write a response saying 'this is so late but ty' to a comment that came in weeks ago.
Also, if you've enjoyed the fic and just want to let me know you appreciated it on a general level, I'm perfectly fine with kudos. I see comments as being a way to fangirl over something (either in my fic or related to my fic) that you'd like to share. I'll probably respond immediately to a comment that says more than 'thanks for writing' because there's something personal to engage with there.
So tl;dr - I try, but don't always.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Ooh. Well, I'm a sucker for happy and/or hopeful fic, so angst tends not to show up often in my works. Possibly the most teenager-y angsty fic would be most of my Labyrinth fic on ff.net (special mention to Mature in Stages and the entire Bond of... series).
But recent fic on AO3 would have to be Making Do (Lewis fandom - slash)
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Ah, I'd pick The Following (Hobbit fandom - everybody lives, mildly parodic humour fic)
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Never. I just assume most people are mature enough to roll their eyes and back out of any of fic that they start reading and find problematic.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Definitely! (coughControlcough). Mostly slash fic, running the gamut of vanilla to kinky.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
I do love the occasional crossover. Strangest one would have to be a tie: Patterns (Batman/ Velvet Goldmine crossover) and In Flashes (Batman/ Law & Order crossover).
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know of.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes, I've been very honoured to have a couple translated:
Blue (NaPolA/ Before the Fall - Russian translation by aldandersss)
Ten Heats (Crows Zero - Mandarin translation by DelusionClassic)
Aaaand now going through the comments shows me that I've missed several requests for permission to translate, I think I'll put a blanket permission statement up on my profile and may on my fics.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Nope. And I don't beta because I tend to re-write rather than properly beta, Which is not fair to the actual author.
14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?
Lol. Any ship I'm currently shipping! But I guess it would have to be Fedal (Federer/Nadal - the only Real Person pairing I break my 'real person fic is a hardline no' rule for).
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
I tend not to publish until I have all chapters written but I do have one I'd love to muster the drive to finish - A Disappearing World (and a Bygone Age) (Star Wars; Sound of Music! AU).
16. What are your writing strengths?
I have a basically decent narrative style, I guess, and I take time to edit drafts so I can minimise spelling and grammatical errors as far as possible.
I suppose I have a fairly decent grasp of consequence and character logic (so if I interpret a character/ event/ plot point in a particular way, it generally tends to stay consistent in the fic) and a workman-like approach to description. So I churn out stuff that is perfectly suited to simple, unexceptional reading so long as you already want to read works for that particular fandom/ character(s)/ tag.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Energy. Tone. Depth. Foreshadowing. Layering. Pacing. Editing. Shall I go on? ;)
I can't write fic that is exciting, dramatic, parodic or wistful. I do broad-stroke writing but struggle with fine detail and evocation.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I'm all for it! I think if it fits your story or is canonical, it can be poignant and atmospheric in fic. So long as you always include translations for it.
Personally, though, I'm not linguistically flexible. I tried using another language once and a kind reader had to correct me because I'd accidentally used German instead of Swiss German.
But I also think it shouldn't be just about dialogue in another language. Good writers can evoke cultural change or perspectives just from the way they style their dialogue and narrative tone. They don't need to write in another language to do this.
For example, I'm currently writing for Crows Zero, which is a movie prequel to the Japanese manga Crows. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm not a good enough writer or committed enough researcher to properly entrench my fic in Japanese life and culture as relevant to high school male delinquents. I try, but my work is clearly written by a fangirl who is not familiar with the correct assumptions, experiences, terminology.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Buffy. And kind of alongside it, Angel.
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
History (Crows Zero; Izaki/ Tokaji with a slight AU for accidentally getting their ages wrong) is my favourite as a reader.
it's the one fic I never get kudos or comments for (and I rarely get any for CZ anyway as it's quite dead on AO3), but History is the fic I keep coming back to for my own reading pleasure. It has everything I want for this pairing, and while I still can't write in the style that canon deserves, I love this version of how the pairing comes-together. I recreate it a bit with The night for lovers (same fandom, same pairing) but History gets it really right for me.
In terms of a favourite as a writer, I guess a tie between Control (Batman; Bruce/ Clark), History, and The Shadow of Ursa (ATLA - gen; AU given the sequel graphic novels).
All three have writing that either gets the correct reaction from readers or does something that I'm proud of.
Bonus: Favourite fic you haven't written?
Oh God, too many to count! Most recently:
Leoht Unfæger by AvaCelt (Beyond Evil; Lee Dong Sik/ Park Jeong-ji). I mean, this is how you write violent, emotional, active, character-driven sequels that expand and extend the canon while also focusing primarily on slash romance. It's beautiful.
This is me down on my knees by hydriotaphia (Bridgerton; ranges). Again, this elevates character study and emotion and rich, intense descriptions for me. I don't read Bridgerton, but when I read these chapters, I care about the characters. It has all the intensity I can never manage to achieve as a writer.
Все для тебя, моя принцесса! by Artaletta (Crows Zero; Izaki/ Tokaji) a fic in Russian which I use Google translate to read. According to Google translate, this fic is 'All for you, my princess', which should not work for high school delinquents but traps energy and life and romance into a perfectly interpreted version of the duty, grimy, ridiculous world of Suzaran All Boys High School. Somehow Artaletta has a sweet romantic tone (and not just because it works out happy) in a fic based on the premise of a character forcing sexual attention on another. But she balances the power dynamic, clear signage and dialogue so perfectly (even in Google Ttranslate) that it just works for me.
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I have no one else to tag since I'm not often on Tumblr, but this was fun! Thanks, hydriotaphia!. ^_^
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grippingbeskar’s 2k follower night out
let’s go clubbing!
— requests currently: CLOSED
what’s this?
— recently i hit a major milestone!! (for me at least🤩) having so many people follow this lil account has made me eternally grateful, so i wanted to do something a little bit fun to celebrate!
how do i join?
— send me an emoji corresponding to the list your prompt is on( 💃= fluff, 🥂= smut, 🍟= angst, 🚕= a first) along with the number of the one you want!
— you can pick any prompt from the list, feel free to mix and match and send as many as you’d like! i will try my very best to do all of them, although some may take longer than others if the inspiration strikes!
what are the rules?
— you can send as many requests as you like, as long as you are patient and willing to wait! i am a fast writer, but only when inspired, and i also have a life outside tumblr (unfortunately) and sometimes things get in the way 😢 but i will try my very best!! also i will try (and probably fail) to keep these under 1-2k words each, so hopefully they will come a little faster
— i will tag all these works under #grippingbeskarsnightout and will eventually make a masterlist of any fics i write for this, if there’s enough of them :)
—as always, this celebration and all my works are 18+. i don’t feel comfortable with minors viewing or interacting with my content, so if you are under 18 please do not interact 🖤
what characters can i request?
frank castle
matt murdock
din djarin
obi-wan kenobi
javi pena (narcos)
bucky barnes
loki laufeyson
poe dameron
steven grant
kylo ren/ben solo
any mcu characters
thank you to everyone who has supported me this far, whether it’s been through messages or likes/reblogs, or if you are just seeing this now— it’s wild to me that this little space has become something like this, it means the fucking world to me. i love you all, and i hope you have some fun with this, i know i will!!
💃: let’s dance! (fluff prompts)
1. ‘can i hold your hand?’
2. ‘i thought you knew you had always been my favourite.’
3. ‘i’m only doing this because you look cute.’
4. ‘the first second i saw you, i could never get over how beautiful you were.’
5. ‘mm. you’re warm.’
6. ‘no—no. it’s alright. come here.’
7. ‘take my jacket.’
8. ‘you make everything a little easier.’
9. ‘i can’t believe i got the first date. let alone a whole year.’
10. ‘shh. you’re safe. i won’t leave.’
11. ‘you are my family.’
12. ‘i trust you. more than anyone else.’
13. ‘there it is. there’s that smile.’
14. ‘keep it. it looks better on you.’
15. ‘your heart is beating so fast right now.’
🥂: wanna drink? (smut prompts)
1. ‘what? does that feel good?’
2. ‘i want to hear you.’
3. ‘you’re really good at that.’
4. ‘how badly do you want me?’
5. ‘shh. there’s people in the other room.’
6. ‘you looked like you were jealous.’
7. ‘we have to make this quick.’
8. ‘i’m not wearing any underwear. thought you’d like to know.’
9. ‘there’s so many things i want to do to you.’
10. ‘i’ll be good. i promise.’
11. ‘you better watch your fucking mouth.’
12. ‘open your mouth for me.’
13. ‘you look so good like this.’
14. ‘do you think you deserve this?’
15. ‘look at what you do to me.’
🍟: drunk mcdonald’s, anyone? (angst prompts)
1. ‘when i say run, you run. don’t look back.’
2. ‘of course i came for you. why wouldn’t i?’
3. ‘can you move?’
4. ‘who did this to you?’
5. ‘it’s not my blood. it’s okay.’
6. ‘how could you say that to me?’
7. ‘you’re a good person. good people deserve to be safe.’
8. ‘it’s alright… it’s okay. i’m here now. i’ve got you.’
9. ‘kill me right now, then. do it.’
10. ‘was i not enough for you?’
11. ‘i can’t even look at you.’
12. ‘don’t you dare.’
13. ‘you mean nothing to me. not anymore.’
14. ‘i was trying to do the right thing!’
15. ‘you should have killed me when you had the chance.’
🚕: taxi, take me home!! (firsts with your fave)
1. first time saying i love you
2. first kiss
3. first fight
4. first ‘time’
5. first date
6. first time switching ‘roles’ in the bedroom
7. first child/pregnancy
8. first anniversary
9. first time meeting their/your family
10. first time you are sick/they are sick around each other
#frank castle x reader#matt murdock x reader#bucky barnes x reader#obi wan kenobi x reader#poe dameron x reader#kylo ren x reader#javi peña x reader#loki layfeyson x reader#grippingbeskarsnightout
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Why I don't tag dive on Tumblr anymore
This is something I haven't really talked about, but a while ago, someone liked some version of this post:
And it made me remember that I have unfortunately completely given up on going through the Quodo tag on Tumblr in order to find all the awesome posts that were made before I joined the fandom in ~2020ish. Not because I lost interest in that project but because Tumblr basically made it physically impossible for me to do...
Also for reasons peculiar to my own completionist psychology, I have ALSO basically given up on going through recent posts in the Quodo tag too (meaning all the posts that have been posted in that tag since my last reblogging spree, whenever that was).
Let me explain the reason for both of these things.
So the good news is that Tumblr does allow you to chronologically browse tags. This is not the default setting, unfortunately -- the default setting is "Popular" (which as far as I can tell seems to be some kind of weighted average of recency and number of notes, but IDK, it is a mystery), because Tumblr is an enemy of reason and all that is good in the world. But it IS possible! However, the bad news: for reasons I don't really understand, Tumblr will not paginate the chronological tag search.
If you take a look at a chronological tag search (e.g.: https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/quodo?sort=recent) and try hitting next a few times, you'll notice something: the URL doesn't change. It remains static even though the contents of the page change. What seems to be happening here is that, when you hit the "Next" button, Tumblr is (I'm guessing) using JavaScript in order to load a new set of posts and is changing the contents of the page on the fly. Therefore, what posts are currently showing are entirely dependent on how many times you've hit the "Next" button on your current browsing session.
You'll notice that this is NOT the way that dashboards or browsing through people's blogs works. For example, if you hit next a few times on your dashboard (I hope you have turned off infinite scroll!), you'll get URLs like these:
https://www.tumblr.com/?max_post_id=714110213039489024 (this for me shows posts from people I'm following that were posted recently, April 9, 2023)
https://www.tumblr.com/?max_post_id=71411021303948902 (deleted a digit; this now shows posts from Feb 2020)
Note that if you copy and paste these into your browser a day or two (or a week) later, you should see the exact same set of posts that you see now, as long as you have not followed/unfollowed anyone since you last loaded the page.
Or on blogs that have custom layouts turned on, you can easily jump back to older posts by doing things like this:
https://chacusha.tumblr.com/page/2 (this shows the 11th-20th most recent posts on my blog)
https://chacusha.tumblr.com/page/40 (this shows much older posts on my blog)
Here, the content of these particular pages WILL change as I post more posts to my blog, but there is at least some way to rapidly jump past many pages I know I've already seen. (There are also more powerful and quick ways of finding old posts using a user's archive e.g. https://chacusha.tumblr.com/archive)
As far as I can tell, nothing like this functionality exists for tag searches. Which is incredibly frustrating for trying to find older posts!! Given that I was at around 2018 or 2019 in my last tag search, the number of times I would need to manually hit the "Next" button just to find my previous place in the Quodo tag is ridiculous. And the more time that passes, the harder it gets!
Oh yeah, and to make this worse, anytime you reload the page (you restart your browser, you restart your computer, or you accidentally close the tab and recover it), your progress is reset! That's right: you have to click "Next" that many times again to find your old place in the tag again!
Let's make it even worse: Because of that way of loading and replacing content on a single page rather than just requesting a fresh new page from the server, you end up in a situation where your Tumblr tab is now using an insane amount of memory the more times you've hit the "Next" button. And unfortunately, one weird property of my laptop (my main computer) is that, if it is not connected to a power supply, it will sometimes do a random emergency shut down if it's running a program that is consuming too much memory and CPU. Which Firefox is now doing, thanks to that Tumblr tab!
So basically, after trying many, many times to find the furthest place I reached in the Quodo tag only for my computer to shut down, or for Firefox to start getting too sluggish for me to use anymore (thanks to Tumblr 😊), I just gave up: it is literally impossible for me to reach things posted in the Quodo tag prior to ~2019. Which sucks because I really would like to see things like people's older Quodo art (it's easier for me to find old Quodo fic as long as it has been posted to AO3 because... AO3 is actually designed to work as a functional archive and it sets up its search/browse functions in light of this fact...).
So that is the reason behind the first thing I mentioned -- it is physically impossible for me to reach older Quodo posts now. In some sense, I guess the fact that Tumblr naturally hides older posts from view is nice from a privacy point of view. But from the point of view of a content creator, I find this lack of functionality disturbing. I don't post things like art or fic or meta on Tumblr just for it to only be viewable within one or maybe two years from my posting it. My intent when posting it is for it to be accessible to people years later if they're interested. But Tumblr doesn't let me do this, unless people find my blog and use my blog's archive features to find the content they want (and I better HOPE I've tagged consistently and correctly, which it is hard to do 100% of the time). I really don't like this model of social media posts as ephemeral.
So what about the second point? Knowing that there is no way for me to go back months or years in the Quodo tag without manually clicking dozens of times through posts I've already seen and slowing my computer to a crawl and possibly triggering an unexpected restart has kind of made this activity unpleasant and demoralizing for me. Also, because of my long Tumblr hiatuses, I did and still do frequently fall significantly behind in the Quodo tag. And because I'm a completionist (yes, I am the kind of person who will browse through my dashboard until I hit the last post I saw the last time I logged into Tumblr), the idea of checking out the Quodo tag periodically but in a way I know is very spotty and incomplete kind of annoys me. Deciding not to use the Quodo tag at all and instead relying on other Quodo blogs I watch to reblog stuff from the tag and then reblogging THEM also doesn't work for me because, again, the fact that posts are chronologically out of order and now I've seen and reblogged SOME of the Quodo tag but not other posts is just confusing and one extra thing to keep track of. My brain does not like that at all.
So basically, that's my sob story about how I gave up on the project of deep diving into the Quodo tag and why I've largely given up on reblogging Quodo posts from the tag at all. Now that I've written this post up, I realize I am being a bit too neurotic and perfectionistic about this and maybe I should go back to casually reblogging posts whenever I decide to peruse the tag and just accept that there are great posts that exist out there but now are completely "unrecoverable" for me.
The summary is: Tumblr is great for a random stream of content detached from time, but is terrible for archiving content in a systematic, comprehensive sort of way. My brain and my blog is much more that of an archivist than a streamer, so this really doesn't work for me. This is one of the many reasons contributing to my frequent Tumblr hiatuses, which I haven't really talked about before.
#the more you know#tumblr#complaining about tumblr on tumblr#tech lamentations#basically writing this up so that I can easily link and reference it later
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If u hav done ZB1 readings, what’s ur opinion on them overall.
Do you think they are a group formed by fate? I’ve seen a lot of people on stan Twitter and fans in my county ( they use Facebook) have said many things abt how they are destined to be together.
Because like when I ask local tarot readers abt members ( I asked two and one is disgustingly accurate abt stuff lol), some connection between him and other members are pretty interesting.
Like between Jiwoong and Matthew, he said sth like “they do compliment each other a lot and bring good fortune to each other.” They are very popular duo.( under ZB1 tag in Korea, they are like the top 1 and there were like thousands of posts saying they want them to debut together)
He even said like “if Matthew was in a duo with other member than Jiwoong, that duo wouldn’t be this popular”. If that sounds bad, that sounds worse in our language. He is not a kpopper so he even compares to marriage. 😭 how some marriage can make one’s fortune worse and how some marriage can bring good fortune to people. Lol.
I do think they are rly close too because Matthew said he used Jiwoong’s customized perfume as a good luck charm before going to stage back in BP so Jiwoong gave custom blended perfume made by him to Matthew on his bd.
(Actually, when Matthew’s rank dropped to 9, a lot of Jiwoong’s fan dropped him to one pick vote Matthew TO THE POINT THAT Matthew’s fans have to stop them because they also want Mattwoong to debut together.)
When someone asked abt Hao and the client shared the answer publicly, the local tarot reader even said “you only asked abt Hao but I saw Hanbin too like they are always together”
And Gyuvin and Yujin, they are very close, too.
Abt Taerae, there’s sth I forgot to mention last time. He is the only xxTx in that group( mbti). Other members are xxFx. So, there were many jokes abt Taerae being awkward in the group. And hanbin mentioned that since Taerae is only xxTx in group, he finds him funny. They joke abt that a lot but I feel like it’s difficult for Taerae.
Another tarot reader also said on fb “this gp will be very popular for at least a decade. I know Wakeone is shit but they are not letting go of this gp and will treat them well”. And she said that in April when everyone is against W1 and there were alot of comments hating her because she mentioned one or two members being mistreated. Personally, I think she was right. w1 is treating ZB1 pretty well.
So what’s your opinion?
I talked a lot because you said you love this discussion so … thank you a lot.
I thought I’m the only Jiwoong bias here but when I saw other ppl question abt him, I was rly surprised and happy. Feeling validated I guess.
i am answering your ask before i upload all of the requests everyone have about them, so beware of this.
i am certain some of the members have been together in a past life. i’ve felt some of the connections are even soulmate-worthy to me.
however, i don’t think they’re formed by fate to this extent. i am certain 2 members were rigged to debut (one of them possibly might be matthew/taerae but i’m not sure), and honestly i am questioning gyuvin’s thoughts of one-two members. (i questioned taerae’s before but i’m not questioning it this much anymore bc i felt that he’s finally attached to someone😭)
about gyuvin and yujin.. i saw totally different thing.. someone asked about how zb1 sees yujin and when i asked how gyuvin sees yujin, the devil popped up with the ace of wands in the bottom, so gyuvin might think yujin is too attached/obsessed of him. i wasn’t expecting that but i expected some sort of neutral answer, or for gyuvin to block his thoughts since it’s happened before 😭
about zb1’s popularity, i didn’t saw anything significant for them, at least currently. there were some questions about it and i felt their debut won’t start that well possibly because of other people. maybe there will be manipulation scandal? (like chart/sales one, not dating for sure) but with the time they’ll gain fans. however, i don’t think they’ll be as popular as they really deserve. they might be remembered after disbandment, which to me isn’t suprising.
and i agree that zb1 will be treated quite better compared to kep1er.
i’ll upload the requests as soon as possible to see what i’m typing about^^
ps. i saw taerae likes hao and i jumped out of joy😭😭😭😭😭😭 taerae finally wants to know someone better
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