#I cant even pick a picture

[orcelito]

Thinking about using the journal I got for writing my dad's eulogy for trying to process my grief with it. The letter from me I found in his lockbox is still in that front sleeve, along with one of the memorial folders they had at the funeral.

I think I don't want to write it all on here. I think I've talked about my emotions too much as of late.

#speculation nation #negative/ #kind of. i guess. #the thing about grief is that it really just never ends. #so im done with the funeral. the time is over. here i am. hes dead. im alive. time to move on. #but it's not that simple. of course it's not. #but would my followers who followed me just for my writing even Care? #honestly surprised i havent lost more followers. or any? idk i havent been paying much attention to numbers #but i know it hasnt really gone down much if at all #i just feel. like im not the person that people initially followed. #and i dont know when im going to be that person again. #there's no enthusing here. anytime im making text posts it's about The Situation. #i wonder how evident my grief is to you all. i feel it in my every breath. #i havent been working yet i feel weak. it's hard to feel much at all. #either im existing and im helping with packing or im crying again bc i remembered my dad cant help me pick out a car now #(in the Vaguely In The Future me buying a used car idea. for after i get my license. whenever that is.) #or im crying bc of jackets or colognes or a letter in a lockbox or a stupid minions hat picture in a too-big frame #or laughing bc Dad In A Bag (his ashes are downstairs. im far too unbothered by their presence) #ive been having an... okay time. we watched Dune today and i started building a lego set. it was nice. #but im only ever Okay. emotions hard to access. interests certainly not accessible. #making it hard to be creative at all. im literally only going through the motions here. #theres no heart. i left it behind when i got that 2 am call and had to rush to the hospital to watch my dad die. #i left it behind when i touched his cold arm for the last time. when i walked out of that room & knew id never see him again. #i know a week is still far too soon to be over it. but im sick of feeling this way. #it still doesnt feel real. feels like im following the bad end route just to see. i should still be able to reload my past save. #but this is my life now. forever until the end. out of nowhere hes dead and hes never coming back #and it's just really fucking hard to care about just about Anything else right now. #i prommy im gonna use the journal next time i get the urge to vent about this. im sick of this crap too.

[littencloud9]

STOP STOPPP IM SO CONFLICTED OVER WHAT TO SHIP IN THIS DAMN SHOW

#LIKE SHIT. THAT WAS SO CUTE. i was really against v.anijeanne at the start because of how. Weird their dynamic is #plus v.anoe was just so romantically coded i could not read their relationship as anything else #but that scene!!! of vanitas alone and jeanne being the one to come up to him!!!!!! and the HUG AW #and THE CHEEK KISS #i always wince when v.anijeanne have a bloodsucking scene because yeah it's hot but i find that to be the worst part of their dynamic lol #BUT THEN SHE WENT OFF AND VANITAS HELD HIS CHEEK LOOKING ALL DUMBSTRUCK #LIKE THAT WAS GENUINELY SO SWEET I DIED #but then theres v.anoe. who own the entire op and their dynamic is fascinating and i fr think vanitas has a crush on noe that he hasnt #quite figured out yet bc of how closed off his heart is #god. never fucking mind vanitas has two hands he can date both of them #but ARGH!!!! this is like struggling between s.skk and a.tsulucy all over again lol #i like them both but i cant picture atsushi dating both bc i think aku would not be able to stand it #same here. i dont think noe could stand it. especially cause jeanne's mark is on vanitas. i think therell be BIG jealousy issues on his end #sigh. why did i pick the most bisexual anime ever. even IM conflicted and im not vanitas #lena watches vnc

[britneyshakespeare]

people who don't know fucking shit about adderall oughtta keep their fucking mouths shut about adderall

#ppl have no fucking grace w this i swear to god #even ppl you expect to be sympathetic generally have no problem stigmatizing it. you never know #they'll just hit you out of nowhere w the 'oh theyre giving kids who cant sit still meth' oh SHUT the fuck up #theyve never done any research nor do they realize the different types and dosages etc etc #and they dont even consider that they might not see the whole picture #or that theyre OFFENDING ppl. and stigmatizing ALL ppl who are prescribed this life-sustaining medication #seriously i have no patience w this shit #and ppl will say it w their whole chest in broad daylight in front of everyone they know #like it's not a touchy thing. im like do you realize what an asshole you are #but no they never do of course they dont #text post #it's not rebloggable not bc it's not important but bc i dont feel like being nice to anyone on this subject #so i dont want this going out of my sphere where some prick is likely to pick an argument #if i were to make a more public statement id want it to be an eloquent one. and right now im just pissed #and i dont think ill ever want to be eloquent on this topic. it takes a better person than me to have patience on this issue #a better or a more ignorant person like the type of person to piss me off about it in the first place. wellllll

[fishsticxz-art]

i spent the whole day making this quiz that will tell you which of my dnd characters you are, pls take it so my effort isnt wasted. theres 18 possible results good luck

#uquiz #uquiz link #oc quiz #dnd #dungeons and dragons #no lyrics question because i cant even be arsed to make playlists for my characters #no 'pick a picture' question because i cant be arsed to look for that many pics on google images #also this is not ALL of my conceptual or oneshot characters because some had no personality at all these are only the more fleshed out ones #if youre my friend dont worry theres no major spoilers for my current characters #just vibes

[artystaroc]

I am going to fucking vomit, what the Fuck happened to my finished fourth Back Home page?

#it is almost 1 am and i wanted to prep the post for later #i am searching and searching my files #and i cant. fucking. find it. #all thats left in its place is the same file but in the state i last left it in before i finally picked it up again to finish #so messy thumbnails and sketches... #what the fuck #i worked on that shit for Literally 10+ hours where did you go #you were finished #i saved you over like a dozen times #where. the fuck. #why #i am so mad that im circling back around to not being mad #LUCKLY. i technically have a work around. #i took a picture of the page on my phone after i was done doing all the characters #so if anything ill put That up. until i can... do the whole thing again. #maybe. #im so furious what is even happening lately #about back home

[xviruserrorx]

I swear just because I'm a little person it doesn't make me some kind of foreign object to push around....

#yes i know i look like a 8 year old child i'm aware #yes i'm an adult #no you cant take pictures or pick me up #yes i know i look different than what is typically seen as the common type of dwarfism because there are MANY different kinds #and yes even when your looking down at me i can tell when your NOT staring at my face but at my breast... #yes i know my voice is very tiny and guess what no i'm still NOT a child #no i wont show you any proof unless its for legal reasons #i'm so very very tired... #honestly the questions are fine and staring is fine i'm used to staring #but when you push me to the side or pretend i'm not even there or treat me like a child #THAT is when i get frustrated #😩 #just a normal everyday trip to the store #virus rambling #i should change that tag to 'virus ranting' seems that all i'm doing these days 😑 #text post

[jfkisonthemoon]

it’s interesting because the longer i stay in higher education the more and more i feel like i really make sense here and like it really clicks with me, but at the same time the longer i stay in higher ed the more eager i get to actually apply what im learning about and get to experiment with all the different sources given to me

#like for a few terms now ive been at the point where for the most part im finally doing what i want to do and studying what id like to #and more and more its making me think about how much i genuinely like studying it and want to go even deeper with it #i really could see myself going to graduate school one day i really could see myself doing research and writing papers one day #but also at the same time i keep picturing how im going to apply all this in my career and i cant stop thinking about how i am going to use #what im learning about #doesnt help that i recently got a job in education so now im actively making lesson plans in addition to taking education classes #like i just spent a good half an hour looking up education games to play with one of my students i really want to apply these methods im #learning about and get better at making learning work for others #but at the same time the concept of education itself is so interesting i want to learn so much more about it and do research of my own #idk im ranting longer than i expected ive just been genuinely shocked how much ive been enjoying what im doing lately #i feel like im learning a lot and feeling positive about the work. idk i feel like im becoming more of myself through getting to explore #something thats intrigued me for so long #i probably will go to graduate school one day i love learning too much to not #but in the meantime who knows i just felt like ranting #jessie speaks #jessies college adventures #although at the same time i am very tired of homework and writing papers. #but also how much of that is that i want to read what I pick out now??? who knows

[skyburger]

man some characters its super easy to think about what they were like as kids but some its weird to think they ever WERE kids. what the hell was big boss from metal gear like at age 5. all i can say for sure is he was definitely eating stuff off the floor even back then

#but like... can you picture john bigboss. john nakedsnake. CAN YOU PICTURE HIM IN LIKE FIRST GRADE IN SOME RANDOM ASS AMERICAN SCHOOL #like idk about you but i cant picked naked fucking snake. learning his times tables or whatever you do in first grade i dont remember #i dont even know why this came to my mind i was literally just making a list (will post it later ohhh youll see.) #NVM its because foo fighters everlong came on and it reminded me of this dumbas big boss edit ill see if i can find it #muffin mumbles

[thanatoseyes]

This is probably a stupid question but like I know the mint of the comic book ear marks it's value. But I'm just buying the comic because I want to read it. . . Should I care about the mintability???

#like is it inherently wrong to just pick up the comic and read it? #idk its like 3 dollars on the website and its not even old its just like ten years old so i cant pick it up in the regular shops #idk idk idk #im over thinking this but clearly i forgot to take my meds #comic books #its wolverine circa 2003 definitely not the one with nude nightcrawler totally not i have morals #idk man its like 2 in the morning and i should go to bed so i can get work done tomorrow #marvel #i just bought a loki series bc the same artist drew the covers so like im just a bitch for pretty pictures

[epicdogymoment]

god my brain is so fucking hilarious

#leologisms #executive dysfuntion tips and they just DONT WORK FOR ME! because haha ha ha guess what. to do these tips you need to DO THEN #you need to DO THEM. and apparently i cant even get it together enough to do THAT!!!!!! #cant do body doubling because to do that id need to call up a friend and UH OH! WOAH! WOOOAAAAH DUDE!!!!!!!!! WHEEEWWWW #cant break tasks down into smaller tasks because i keep getting distracted by the big picture #and breaking the huge daunting task just means i have a million tiny things swarming me. cant fucking pick them off one by one. #like im standing in the middle of a swarm and someone looking on from the side is telling me to just deal with the insects one by one. fuck. #cant use brain tricks like doijg a different small productive task for the dopamine boost because thar just #means im not doing the BIG IMPORTANT THING im SUPPOSED TO BE DOING. every fucking second that im not dealing with that is wasted #AND GUESS WHAT!!!! I HAVENT BEEN DEALING WITH IT!!!!!! THIS WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!!! #just me swinging back and forth between distracting myself and feeling the full force of the fucking panic #and all the while NEVER DOING ANYTHING!!!!! fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. god. i dont think im ever gonna get that diagnosis #and im never gonna get on medication and it probably never is gonna get better for me. is there a future for people who suck at life

[useful-boy]

Unpacking so many things today... Everything's still a bit messy, but soon I'll have a bed! Like, tomorrow! Okay, tomorrow I can Buy the bed, it'll take like a week to get it shipped. But soon! Bed!

#movers will have to come After that since im trying to conserve as much money as i can #my paycheck is gonna be Good but my hours are also going down a bit since my new store isnt really busy enough to keep me #for the full 8 hours every shift. sunday i went home like 50 minutes early and it hurt to do so #ill definitely have to pick up something on thursday to be on the safe side even with plasma money coming in #i cant wait to start pictures of my place once i get furniture in and can make it look nice #zen texts

[edgybutnotveryedgy]

Hmm. I don't like online dating yet it seems to be the only real way i am able to have conversations with people?

#rambles #i blame online dating fully for my inability to talk to guys or be talked to by guys #at least im enjoying talking to one of the guys on my app #if only he wasnt living on the other side of the planet #who knows if that will even go anywhere anyway #id rather just talk to guys i know in real life #but im so socially stunted by my asd that i dont even know how to #the other frustrating thing with apps is how guys do seem to have the courage to talk #but then they only know how to make dumb jokes and pick up lines #like okay #sure it is fun at first #but also id like to have real conversations? #the one saving grace about the useless app im using is that you cant send pictures #so no surprise dicks

[hobgirl]

struggling between wanting to post pics of my new art journal vs thinking it's personal and it's bad anyway

#hobtalks #deep sigh. #thats what happens when you dont art for 3 to 4 years i guess #although if i do post art journal stuff i should go through the old ones and pick my favorites #but i did just remember another hurdle. i cant take pictures for shit #so even if its not ugly like i think the picture will be 😭 #anyway i used my literal blood for a page i just want to show people. but only if theyre nice about it #everybody needs to clap and cheer for me or ill die

[tiecho]

You're in the mall by yourself, I'm following from a distance. You don't know me, not yet anyways... as you walk from store to store you keep seeing me, and I'm always watching. Then it slowly turns into an accidental bump, then a small grope in the aisle, to my hand going completely under your shirt and pinching your nipples as you are trying to shop. You are far too afraid to say anything so you let it happen and then leave to another store trying to lose me in the crowd. I let you think they lost me, disappear for a half hour, following you much more discretely now. I let you shop and grab some cute clothes to go try on. Then as you are going into the changing booth I grab you and drag you into one with me, my hand wrapped around your throat so you cant make a noise. Im squeezing so very hard that its already leaving such pretty bruises. I slam you against the wall and I pull your skirt up, and see that they are already drenched. I lean down and whisper "You want this don't you, you little slut. Why else would you be wet." Then with a sudden jerk I rip your panties off, and I stuff them in your mouth as a gag, taking my hand off of your throat and shoving two of my fingers in your dripping cunt. You can't help but moan from around your ruined panties as my big fingers stretch your pretty little cunt. You try to fight me off but I'm so much bigger and stronger you cant do anything other than take it like the little rape toy you are. I decide that its time for the main course as I turn you around, slamming your face against the wall, and before you can brace yourself I'm inside of you. Rutting into you with quick, forceful, deep thrusts. At this point the attendant knocks on the door and asks if everything is okay. I take the panties out of your mouth and growl into your ear "if you tell them, I'll break your fucking neck before they get the door open". "I-I-Everything is fine" you squeak out through ragged breaths as I don't stop fucking you. As the attendant walks away I pick you up by your hips, using my arms to swing you into me as I fuck you even harder. You can't help but cum on my cock, sobbing as you do. "Little rape puppy cumming on the rapists cock, how cute" I growl in your ear as it only makes me fuck you harder. I get close and I start to squeeze your neck again, the panic making you clench around me even harder. "I'm going to fucking breed you now, which is more than a little rapeslut like you deserves". You try to plead "please stop I can't get pregnant please". you try to scream out but the only sound you can make from around my hand is little gurgles. You can help but start to cum again as I start to flood your womb with my seed, your eyes rolling back from the ecstasy of it all.

Then, I pull my pants up and I leave the dressing room. Leaving you collapsed in a pool of our cum. I leave the door open for everyone to see as you lay there, a pathetic little rapesleeve. I turn around and take a picture before I go telling you "I'll see you next time princess"

#bd/sm brat #bd/sm community #bd/sm cnc #cnc k!nk #rough cnc #cnc free use #bd/sm daddy #bd/sm blog #dirtytiecho #trans nsft #bd/sm breeding #t4t breeding #r4p3b4it #r4pepl4y #r@pe fantasy #bd/sm nsft #nsft concept #bd/sm concept