#I cant believe I have another autoimmune disease

[leonshrekkennedy]

I'm tired. I'm so tired.

In case anyone would like a comprehensive list of everything going on, including what's happened to me today:

My joints hurt so bad I can't bend them some days. (I'm waiting on labs to come back from rheumatology.)

I'm getting chest pain daily. Complete with dizziness.

My limbs have been going numb and changing color randomly.

I have a lumbar fracture.

I still have chronic abdominal pain.

Blood in my stools has come back.

Some cardiac markers came back indicative that I have heart damage and increased risk for heart disease.

No one will prescribe meds for blood pressure or heart disease prevention because they believe its autoimmune related.

Rheumatology wont prescribe anything without proof of lab results.

My ED is threatening relapse.

My grandma died a month ago. My cousin a month before that. I found out 4 days ago. From an aggressive text from my sister.

"Hey. I know you wanna cut me out of your life but I thought I'd let you know that Grandma Mom has passed this morning."

A coworker looked up my grandma's obituary to prove I was lying about needing bereavement time.

A supervisor decided to be rude, short, and accuse me of lying about my mental health.

Same supervisor gossiped with another about how I lied about an accident on the way to work that delayed traffic for literally everyone.

I had to run an entire lab alone with no help. And the other tech left early without checking with me.

My power company has screwed me over with some back-billing bullshit. I talked to 4 people abt it who had 0 empathy and had to request a callback from a supervisor.

I wanna throw up. I want to spit up blood on someone's shoes so they believe me. I wish I'd passed out on the floor of work so someone would believe me.

I got off work, nearly crashed my car, sobbed hysterically calling people to please fucking help me.

I just want fucking help.

I dont know why I'm not worthy of help.

I cant get out of this pit. I have clawed at the dirt til my fingers bled. All ropes are just out of reach.

I'm so tired.

[winnfour]

looked thru my wip folder while trying to put together a comms post and 🙈🙈🙈

#cant believe i finally decide to go back to therapy #only for this shit to happen and wipe out all of my savings #and tbh i think id be easier to deal with if it was my fault #but its not #which means i just have to suck it up and go back to working and studying full time simultaneously again #and all of this while we are trying to figure out if all the stress of the past few years gave me an autoimmune disease #and i just had another ulcer scare?? #anyway i wanna say everything is shit rn #but i made a cake yesterday and baked some brownies #and they both taste really good #and i love my friends a lot so i think im gonna invite them over for dinner and maybe make a pizza or smth

[acti-veg]

big sigh, acti. both my cousin (who has hashimotos disease) and I are vegan, and my mom also has hashimotos, but shes SET against being vegan because she believes soy, beans/legumes and grains of any kind are bad for the guts of people with hashi's. she says they've got lectins in them that the body cant digest or something. I'm really doubting this information, she gets most of it from MD Amy Myers, but I cant tell if shes a reliable source or just selling another "cure". have you heard (1/2)

(2/2) hashimoto anon again - of her before or do you have any thoughts? my moms always struggled with her weight (even though she works out like a madman) and I know that's a big part of her trying all these different diets (she tried being plantbased when I first went vegan but gained a few pounds (im assuming waterweight from increased carbs) and then went to paleo for a while, then keto, and nows shes back to paleo. I'm worried about her but cant seem to get through to her :/

I’m afraid I’m not really informed enough on this to offer a valuable perspective, and I wouldn’t want to mislead you. I’ve tried to do some research online, but I don’t know how helpful it will be. Soy is generally considered to be bad for people with autoimmune thyroid disorders, but soy is very easy to avoid as a vegan anyway, and I couldn’t find any real evidence that these problems extend to beans or legumes of any kind. I’ve found reference to people managing their hashimotos through a plant-based diet with positive results, but nothing in the way of a reliable study on the topic. I think the best advice for her would be to visit a nutritionist who could discuss her dietary options with her, it’d likely be much safer than bouncing between diets on her own.

#ask #vegan #hashimotos disease

[yvvaine]

A Meta on Madness

Here’s the thing with Targaryen madness. Most weren’t just born raving mad.  They developed it. Some as early as childhood, others well into adulthood; sometimes even instigated by some event (like the Defiance of Duskendale which affected Aerys II Targaryen’s madness). Grand Maester Phycelle even commented how Aerys had been “a good man. such a charmer....” until he became obsessed with his dreams of “fire & blood”. 

It seems that that is the commonality. Fire & Blood. And also obsession. Most of the “madness” starts out as personality traits, like unchecked outbursts and impusliveness. Some form of violence (during said outbursts) develops shortly thereafter. Mixed in is usually a god-like self-image and some personal obsession / quest. Also paranoia. Delusions and hallucinations, for the most part, dont develop all that fast. Theyre “charming good men” with hot heads, and that slowly escelates, little by little until it begins to snowball. Again, some earlier than others. 

But obsession seems to be reaccuring throught all the circumstances. 

They fixate on something (Fire & Blood, religion, beliefs, etc) and take it too far, and the more they do, the more obsessed they become, the more the ‘madness’ seems to set in. 

King Baelor the Blessed was overzealously obsessed with religion and purity, to the point that he starved himself into an early grave because he believed that food is of this world, and the material world is sinful.

Prince Aerion Brightflame, son of King Maekar and nephew of the Prince Rhaegel. Aerion killed himself drinking wildfire, believing it would turn him into a dragon.

Visery’s ‘madness’ (mostly outbursts, paranoia, and cruelty), according to Daenerys at least, was linked/instigated to a somewhat traumatic event; the selling of their mother’s crown. My guess is that he was old enough to be traumatized by the events that sent them into exhile, put all his hopes and dreams into that crown, idolized it, and losing it was kind of the final push. 

Madness ≠ Certified Crazy Person

In fact I dont even really like the term madness, because it denotes that the Targaryen in question is 24/7 insane. And dont get me wrong, some def are. But in GRRM’s world their ‘madness’ is MUCH more subtle than that. Its pathology is almost like a disease. And people can live with the most terrible diseases for quite along while and work around it/not have it effect them. As a Certified Sick Person myself, I know that particular lesson more than quite a bit of people (thanks autoimmune system!) Id say. Look at diabetes! People can live with diabetes and not have to cut their foot off or die (like the olden days) with the right amount of lifestyle and personal choices. But untreated, without proper checks and balances, symptoms get worse, other manisfate on top of one another.  To say they have the “Targaryen madness” is not a black and white issue, because their “insanity” is not as simple as : “that persons obv crazy and that persons not!!” You cant equivicate mid-story/life Daenerys with late-in-life Aerys. Its a cultivation of symptoms over years. Theyre not at equal points in their life to one another; obv shes not blinded by “KILL THEM ALL” attitudes yet. 

Early-in Life Aerys (perhaps a better parallel to Daenerys’s timeline) was: 

“...while not being the most intelligent, nor the most diligent of princes [I wonder who that sounds like? Cough Mereen] he was described as having an undeniable charm. He was generous, handsome and resolute, although somewhat quick to anger. [SOUND LIKE ANYONE. A good heart? Beautiful? Determined and passionate? SOMEWHAT quick to anger?] He was also vain, proud, and changeable, traits that made him easy prey for lickspittles and flatterers.” 

The last part is more up for debate but Dany does think quite highly of herself and is VERY proud. Shes also reminded frequently of her amazing-ness, as well as her beauty, which would bloat anyones ego. And while she realizes the difference between blatant kiss asses (“People used to tell that kind of thing to my brother”) she also prefers those that agree with her or her line of thinking and suck up to her. Shes kinder to those that fall into step and bestows greater favor on them in that moment (even when the person in the room disagreeing is a “friend”). 

“As he grew older, Aerys became increasingly jealous, suspicious and cruel, prone to furious outbursts.”

I think a lot of readers and show viewers see this increasingly “bratty” quality to her character. Even when her anger (toward the slave masters for instance) is morally and technically VERY justified (Personally I hate this POV, as I’m someone whos decided to dedicate my lifeswork to human rights law, so decidely I am not for cruel racist individuals. Moreover, I dont think many people, if there is any at all, who believe in dark!(or just a generally darker)dany are racist and pro-slavery - which is something i see stans misguidedly clapback with often in the face of criticism) her “justice” becomes all she see’s to disastrous consequences, including crucifying those that shouldnt have been.

“My father spoke out against crucifying those children. He decried it as a criminal act but was overruled. Is it justice to answer one crime with another?” - Hizdahr zo Loraq, S04E06 “The Laws of Gods and Men” on Daenerys crucifying his father because of the status he was born into.

She also seems to be developing more and more paranoia. “Betray me and I’ll burn you alive.” (obv betrayal should be punished WHEN IT HAPPENS, but like, shes already imagining scenrarios and felt the need to say something, ie paranoid). The entire beach tantrum and her turning against her ally and HAND Tyrion because she was upset at their(shared) battle failures. And while its great that she doesnt want to be the Queen of Ashes, in her right mind, in moments of anger and fustration she constantly has to be talked down from burning cities. So increasingly more worrisome. 

Shes also increasingly fixated on ‘the iron throne’. As her obsession grows....

Sorta like: Aerys in his youth. 

So while duh, shes not batshit insane like her father was right before the end of his life, people forget, her father wasnt “bad” or “mad” till his later years either. Comparing the two (her father right before he was killed and Dany now) is like comparing a seed to a flower. Same material and DNA. Same circumstances / needs the same to grow (unchecked symptoms like their anger and obsessions). But ultimately different stages in their lives, and as such different consequences and attributes. 

GA (and Stans)‘s Short-sidedness

The “Mad Dany” theory mostly comes from people woh dont neccisarily see dany as stark raving mad like Aerys Burn Them All Targaryen (i know, shocking) but rather see this similarity (past face value cough cough), and see the parrallels between young Aerys the Charming Good But Slghty Tantrum-y Tararyen with Dany now, and made educated forecasts in what that means for future-Dany based on her current arch. The same Dany who is increasingly obsessed with conquering an entire ass continent that shes held up as a symbol and put all her hopes and dreams of ‘home’ into (kinda like the way Viserys did with their mothers crown)  (also a continent that she knows nothing and hasnt bothered to learn anything about). She has no plans on creating a democracy or dispersing power to try to mitigate her faults because shes completely fucking blind to them. She plans on sitting on that uncomfortable ass stupid metal throne and being uncompromising because shes not a Politician shes a QWEEN  #fuckcompromise #fuckdiplomacy #fuckpeace #bendtheknee #ammiright :))))) Meanwhile dancing on really thin ice that could any minute crack under her, and the more it cracks the faster it makes new ones until it snowballs quickly out of hand and suddenly it snaps and kills you. Only shes queen in this scenario with two resusable nukes at her disposal so in this case its not just her but the entire country that drowns.

 Politics is a long game. We - in the real world - choose a leader who is not just best for us in the now, but who will create a better future for our children, and their children, and so on. 

Dany is not a good, stable bet. I originally meant to do a short sassy one liner about this but then I got on a soapbox and started getting all philisophical and now this could literally be my senior thesis its that long. (My apologies!) Im also know where near finished with this so this could maybe be Part One? 

#anti-daenerys #anti daenerys #anti targaryen #anti targaryen restoration #aerys 2.0 #mad queen no. 2 #got meta #mine

[kamal1011]

Accepting my diagnosis

Abt three months ago, i was floating at outpatient dept. just a normal day in OPD, my name was at labeling at K8. Finished my lunch, and continued my work. Had the feeling of something stuck at my throat. For normal ppl, they wouldn't think much. But knowing my mom had same problem, i knew this was thyroid issues. Ppl around me told me to not overthink, but its just deep down i know its my thyroid issues. No reason, i just knew.

So, i consulted this friend that i knew went through the same issue. She asked me to wait two weeks to see whether this feelings resolved or not. And i decided to wait. Told my parents abt this and their reaction was u r are just overthinking, maybe its just because of wearing mask, we also feel like that because of wearing mask, try few days without mask, the feeling will resolve, maybe its just sore throat, don't worry u eat this, eat that, pray to god, everything will disappear, you don’t know the power of god. Hmmm i do believe in god, but i pray to god that He help me to go through this with strength and courage.

The feeling in throat just became the new normal. i was getting used to it, so kinda forgotten abt this thing. Abt two weeks past. One day one of my friends said she wanna test for thyroid, and it was going to be a good chance for me to do as well, so i decided to do with her. For someone who is scared of needles and blood, its was really scary. But i felt that i had no choice since i have to make the thing in my throat disappear.

After two days, asked my friend to help me check my thyroid results. I was on leave on that day. i just woke up and msged my friend to ask the results. was getting ready to go down, i simply checked my phone, and there was a msg from my friend. Opened my WhatsApp and clicked on the image. that moment when i saw my TSH level my heart literally stopped. yup, i was scared.

Came down and told my parents abt it, as usual they blamed me for my condition. i was literally helpless. when u get to know that u are sick, but u got blamed for something which is not ur mistake. i immediately texted my cousin, MO in diff hosp. actually didnt ask her anything just showed her my results. The talk with her calmed me down. she asked me to get few blood tests and try to get referral letter to endocrine.

the next day i went to staff clinic. that's the only thing that came to my mind to do. Waited in front of the staff clinic for almost one hour. my anxiety came back. i was really nervous, till i could really feel my heart racing up.was the last person to see dr that day, and they finally called my name.

Entered the room, and the nurse scanned me, she was like" u got a fever", the she wanted to take my blood pressure and heart rate. as soon she saw my bp & hr, she alarmed the dr. very hard to make to dr believe that the results shown is not true. but ended up he asking me to take deep breaths and repeat the test a few times until my bp &hr shown in normal.

The check-up went pretty much as usual. he asked abt my symptoms and I showed him my blood test. he saw my throat and touched my neck to see the extent of swelling. he wrote me a referral letter to medical. after asking where was MOPC clinic, i walked of the room.

upon reaching there, i passed my referral letter to the staff nurse incharge. the waiting game continued. waited for another 1 hr, just for the nurse to give me one month later appt date and a few blood test forms.

informed my cousin abt this, and she was worried since she wsaid for my level of TSH need to start treatment immediately. she told me that she will get back to me soon.

later the next week, she msged me saying to meet a dr from mopc the next day itself. came back home then realized, how to meet dr without any other baseline blood test results. so brought my sis back to hosp, so she can run some test before i meet the dr.

the ride there was literally the scariest. i have night blindness, and rain literally start to pour like hell. very heavy rain. i still had to drive. was trying to go slow, but at the same time fast since my sis just got back from night shift and haven't sleep yet. at a bridge almost near my hosp, my car skided to the other lane due to the water level that start to rise up. my heart stopped. but i came back to my sense asap, and brought back my car to the right lane. and i drove back like nothing happened. i knew at that moment something bad is going to happen to me soon.

As soon we were done taking blood and my sis send the samples to lab, I drove back home. Emptied my mind although a lot of things were still there. That night I couldn’t sleep much since I was nervous. The next day, woke up, and thankfully I managed to take off for that day.

On the way to the hosp, I knew something was wrong with my car because of the incident yesterday. I thought I had punctured my tyre, so I don't dare to look at my car back when I reached so that my feelings is not disturbed. reached there pretty earlier so was hanging out with one of my friend  and then went to get my results printed.

Walked to the clinic slowly, knowing something scary is waiting for me. Asked the staff nurse abt the dr that I abt to meet, but they just say he might not be coming in on that day. I was kinda helpless but no choice, I literally sat there in front of the clinic with some hope he might pass by. After abt one hour, the staff nurse finally called my name and asked me to register. I get myself registered and passed the file back to the staff nurse.

Waited back again till the dr back from ward round. And finally, the staff nurse called me and I entered the dr’s room. To be honest, he was the sweetest dr that I have met. He first made me sit, started with asking abt my symptoms, did some physical exam on my neck and he finally took a piece of paper. He explained to me abt what is hypothyroidism. At that time, actually I spaced out. I wasn’t even listening properly to what he was saying. The reason, cos I thought this was all just a dream. I was just saying yes or no for everything he asked. He asked me to read about Hashimoto also. He handed me my prescription and I went out of the room. Did my antibody blood test that day after that.

The next few days, I was playing back all the questions that the dr asked. I know I wasn’t in my right state of mind at that time but after a few day I was clearing my head and I realised actually I had more symptoms that I actually thought I had.  

Days went by, and I got to know my transfer is soon. So I managed to change my appointment to one week earlier. Did my blood test and checked it. Was actually relieved that my results was much better compared to the other time.

The day of my second appointment came by. Met a dr, and I knew she wasn’t that experienced. I didn’t ask her much also since I don't think she knew much. She ordered another test as said by the earlier dr. she also asked me to continue my old dose.

One week passed, and I decide to ask my friend to check my antibody test. After abt one hour she reply with the result. Actually after looking at it, actually I my mind went blank. I wasn’t scared or sad , to be honest I had no feelings. Msged my sis to confirm my diagnosis and she confirmed it. Its autoimmune thyroiditis.

Cam back home, was thinking whether if I should inform my parents. At first I thought of not informing since I don't want to worry them. But later on, I just wanted to share since I was started to get scared myself. Yup, the conversation didn’t go as I thought it would but their reaction was expected. From starting to blame my choice of food, start to control what I should eat, asked me to not eat outside and my dad started abt yous know god can make any disease just disappear, and a lot of nonsense that made me regret my decision.

The conversation abt that stopped on that day and no one seemed to care or remember or asked me anything. Had a few close and best friends keep checking on me. Started to read more abt this, I thought reading more would make me worry less but actually made me feel worse.had this best friend who keep scolding me for overthinking, but seriously I cant stop.

Weekend came so binged watch a Korean drama so that I don't overthink. I followed my mum to tesco and I got myself some Kellog’s muesli. Came back, my dad saw it and he started. He first asked isn’t it high in sugar content? I was like, u no need to eat, I just bought so I and my sis can eat have them for breakfast. Then he said, actually for your condition u shouldn’t eat much sugar right? and the fight started. I tried my best to make them understand that food is not the cause or will make things worse. But they insist saying me always eat outside, don't eat oranges are the reason that I get autoimmune. The fight stopped when I gave up on explaining to them.

Currently just waiting for my blood test and my next appointment to clear up all my questions regarding my diagnosis.

#autoimmune hypothyroidism