Tumgik
#I can't remember the last time I had the connection that bad tbh but maybe got bad too...
keitheaverage · 21 days
Text
sorry, you guys mind if I vent a little?
tbh in just the last year or so both world and life events have scrambled my brain so thoroughly I feel a bit like I'm truly losing it. Most good days I've had since the year started have been upended by one thing or another. My favorite neighborhood porch cat was taken by our neighbors when they moved. Something's wrong with our pipes and now I have to take a shower at my neighbor's house because water isn't coming out of any of our faucets and nothing can be done about it until the weekend at least. There's a literal gnocide going on continents away but the actual TV news sources we rely on are being so passive and dismissive about it that I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. My grandpa passed away last summer and things just haven't felt quite right since. Among other things that I don't have much control or say in.
I feel simultaneously overwhelmed and under-stimulated. I'm so behind on my artwork, something that gives me both personal joy and connection with others, but my mind's been on like three other things during this span of time and I can hardly focus on the things I actually want to do, let alone come up with something I'm proud of. I can't believe just a few years ago I was drawing and putting up new artwork like every day for almost a year. God I wish that were me now. I've slowed down to a snail's pace and I'm so frustrated by it.
Some days it feels like I'm just the comic relief character in one of God's sitcoms and he keeps putting me in situations that would maybe be funny if they were happening to someone else. Like I'm not trying to be all doom and gloom about it, for the most part things are, in fact, okay, or at least fixable, and I have to remember that before I slip into some high school-era meltdown. But man. It sure would be nice to just have like. One day where I feel accomplished and just, like. Okay. Devoid of dread. Unbothered, unencumbered. Nobody or thing comes up behind me when I'm actually feeling good and ruins it with bad news. Maybe I just need a new hobby. Or just need to stop staying up past midnight.
I'll be okay. I've just had a lot of little things going on and I feel a bit weighed down by it all. I gotta just gotta wait it out with hope that there is an end to it. That good and better days are coming. Just hope that time is sooner than later, y'know?
2 notes · View notes
Regarding your last post, I thought the same while watching the behind the scenes of the MV. This is not a shade because I myself am not fluent in English and still need to improve a lot but to me it seems quite obvious Jungkook’s English isn’t as good as some Army like to pretend (I’m going to get call names…). I would say he’s around a low intermediate level, which is perfectly fine, he has a busy life so it doesn’t let him a lot of time to study. I guess his understanding is better than his speaking skills, which is usually the case for most of language learners, but orally I don’t think he fully grasps all the meanings and nuances and the slang etc. I just want to say again this is not me trying to belittle his abilities, it’s only my opinion, but to me it doesn’t look like he fully understands what he sings… his face expressions in that video, it looks like sometimes he was a bit clueless. I’m not saying he has no idea of what he is singing, obviously he got a full translation before accepting the project but he doesn’t look like he truly "feels" the lyrics and immerge himself in it. Idk, for me it lacks something and that video made me a bit uncomfortable. I know I’m being a bit dramatic but I can’t shake the feeling that the industry is using him for cash and immediate success without paying much attention to who he his, his personality, his artistry. And another collab is on the way with Kid Laroi apparently… I’m losing interest. I want to hear Jungkook on his own, with a song made only for him and that reflects who he is as a person and an artist. I miss that feeling, seeing him perform so honestly, when you can see on his face and hear in his voice how much he feels the song, how deep he goes to find the emotions and bring them to the surface. I truly hope there will be songs on his album that makes me feel connected to him again because at the moment it feels like I am totally unable to enjoy what he’s doing.
I don't even know if he bothered translating Jack Harlow's parts tbh. I remember one Run BTS episode where they had to sing their songs without using English, so they had to translate some lyrics to Korean, and, apart from RM, the members didn't even know what the English lyrics meant. I remember J-Hope being shocked, like, "So this is what this part means?", which was a bit wild for me since it was his song. Tbh, I don't bother reading the translation to most kpop songs. I only know what the tts mean because most MVs have subtitles now. If not, then too bad... Most songs have boring lyrics so it's often best if I don't know them. It's different for the artist, but I still can't be certain that Jungkook bothered finding out the translation to Jack's parts although he's the type to. Maybe he was so busy he didn't bother? Maybe he recorded his parts and only gave his blessing to the final version which included Jack's verses, without approving the lyrics beforehand. He doesn't seem the type to control what other people write in their own verses. Maybe he was too busy to translate the lyrics and only did it later? All seem to be possible options. The fact that Jungkook had to be coached to do the right facial expressions and gestures for his TikTok with Jack made it seem like he wasn't sure at all what the lyrics meant - at least then. It also makes me confident that he doesn't know what "rain, rain, rain" or "champagne, confetti" really mean. I think Jungkook cares more about melody and the vibe than lyrics.
Anyway, I don't think the industry is using him. He's not a victim anymore than anyone else. He's making his own choices, as much as someone in the industry can. Of course Big Hit loves the choices he's making because he's doing so well commercially, but I think he's made it clear that he loves what he's been doing. And if he's letting other people make choices for him, the blame is on him too, because he's in a position where he can say no.
I also want to hear Jungkook on his own, but, unless he's truly being pressured into only doing collabs for whatever reason, these are the choices he's making.
Thanks for the ask!
5 notes · View notes
mahalshairyballs · 2 years
Text
Jake meta
cw : well his whole existence is a trigger warning tbh
Let's just put into words a synthesis of the headcanons I have about Jake, so you can understand why my Jake is the way he is in those fic summaries I write.
Jake is the physical protector alter we all agree on that? He's pushed to front during high stress and high physical threat to their lives.
He must not have fronting all that often outside these situations up until now. If he did Marc & Steven (or at least Marc) would've been more suspicious that another alter exists. He must have fronted a little bit more than that though, because Khonshu was fully aware of Jake's existence. And Khonshu has been using Jake as much as Marc, way before the endcredit scene we got. Khonshu didn't make a new deal with Jake, he just never let Jake free, he wasn't included in that ep 6 deal.
So I think Khonshu fucked Marc over in more than one way here (which could probably be how we're lead into a season 2). Jake being Khonshu's avatar for almost as long as Marc was, he would've fronted for the Moon Knight missions Marc would've refused to do - or at least argued with Khonshu over them. So Jake would've fronted more often in that period of time since Marc became Khonshu's avatar. Jake would've gotten a taste of life outside the few moments where he has to save their asses, if only to do Moon Knight stuff. He got to know more what 'normal' life is (and even more-so after season 1). He might have start to want this, want a life outside the very specific moments where he can front.
If you thought Marc had issues- and he definitely does - just wait to hear about Jake's.
So if all this is indeed the case, Jake indeed fronted to take the physical abuse during their childhood. It may be all that Jake remembers of his childhood. Just constant pain, over and over again. Not understanding why it's happening to him, not having anyone to help, not having any other memories but this constant aching pain.
Imagine what that would do to someone.
First time Jake fronted without an imminent threat to their body would be either in the mental hospital, or in the army. And as BraiDIDbunch said themselves, when you're so used to bad things happening to you constantly, you can't fully relax, you can't put your guards down. Because surely, something awful will happen any second now right? And that's how Jake must have felt, the first times he fronted without having to protect them. It must have happened a few random times, for various reasons. It didn't happen often. Often he still had to protect them against something- maybe that's how he did his frst kill. But when everything was quite, Jake was still very tense, his senses were still on high alert, waiting for the inevitable threat. I don't think he ever learned to truly calm down. Not up to season 2 at least.
Marc also has this state of mind, but in a different way than Jake. Marc's is mostly his inability to be happy, his distrust and pessism. Good things aren't meant to last. If he even believes that he can deserve good things happening to him.
Jake's could even lead to self-fulfilling prophecies (Marc's too actually). If no danger came to him, he was going to get to the danger himself. Which might have gotten him in trouble in the army - and even in their later jobs. But it might also have made him Duchamp's best asset when they were mercenary.
Another impact this childhood had on Jake is his inability to connect emotionally with anyone - and to receive any kind of physical affection. (Also what would explain the surface impression that he's just an assassin).
But, assuming that he's allosexual (which is my headcanon since an asexual assasin is its own Tropetm) he'd still crave this physical proximity to others sometimes. And since he still doesn't front for long enough to develop any significant relationship anyway, he'd be better just to get hookups and casual sex.
That's all he can afford, both emotionally and because of time.
So he'd sleep with people whenever he wants to/can. He would, knowingly or unknowingly, eventually crave the emotional proximity that comes with it. He'd definitely crave just existing, like a normal person. Even if he still doesn't fully know what it's like, nor can he fully relax in 'normal down times' like this. Just experiencing every day stuff, going to restaurants, on dates...he'd want more of that.
And he, almost assuredly, would resent Steven & Marc for having a life while he doesn't (that doesn't mean he'd work against their collective best interests, but this would be part of the elements why he wouldn't want to be friends with them, or cooperate more than the bare minimum with them. Also why he'd stay Khonshu's avatar).
I think Jake is aware of at least Marc, maybe both of them, but he doesn't feel the need to let them know he exists (and it's in Khonshu's interests that Marc doesn't know about Jake as we saw. So maybe Khonshu even dissuaded Jake from letting himself be known to them at some point).
Would all that make him not able to socialize with othet people? Yes and no. As I said, in the past few years he's had more practice just interacting with people. And I think he's naturally charming. He might be pretty good at just shallow flirting to get what he wants (he went to the Khonshu class of manipulation). We inferred that with the date he got with Dylan and with the aftercredit when he talked to that nurse. Didn't take long for her to let him go (the Spanish helped of course ahah).
So, is Jake a womanizer? No, not really because he's bi lmao. Is he promiscuous? Well yeah, kind of. But that's because he has no other choices at the moment.
So Jake, like all three of these dummies, has a lot of work to do on himself. A lot.
But I think he'll get there. He's working on it in my head-fic at least.
He cuddled with Layla for the first time after more than a year living with them
32 notes · View notes
liz-and-the-blue-bird · 11 months
Text
Good evening to me
As is tradition for these long personal posts, I am currently moving. Look at my cleaned up desk set up:
Tumblr media
Here's a song.
My job suddenly let me go a couple weeks ago. I'm not worried, but... well I'm starting to get worried. I was initially feeling ok, because I actually had an interview lined up for the week following, but that fell through too now so I'm just very nervous.
Tumblr media
So I've been saddled with a lot of time to think now. And it's all been bad. I'm basically stuck again. I've moved back with my parents for the time being and it stinks. They haven't been berating me or anything (though I'm sure it will come soon enough), but I just feel so... trapped. I feel like I'm stuck in a time loop, cursed to never escape or... well, to be honest, develop a real relationship.
I'm strongly reminded of my time stuck at my parent's home immediately after I first graduated college. While I had been broken up with the ex for about two years or so by then, it still was grating on me subconsciously, I know because my default state is very extroverted and during maybe the 2-3 years after her, I was very soft spoken and introverted. I didn't reach out to people that much. It felt like I was trying to remember who I was for a little bit, after dedicating a little too much to someone else. Then I felt extra useless because I just couldn't get a job for the life of me, maybe for like 4 months if I remember correctly.
Those were really rough months, as I tried to find meaning in what I was doing.
Well, I feel like I'm in that spot again. Broke up with the same girl. Then sent to live with the parents in the same old room that is now accruing mess because I'm just not a very well kept guy.
I'm really scared right now.
Tumblr media
And I've let my mind just wander back to the ex. The problem with this room is I have 2 strong memories of it: 1) being stuck here, not able to find a job and 2) watching the ex sleep in my bed, a little bit sick, waiting for her to wake up so that I can make us dinner. So I start wondering if should contact her, because I feel so much like I'm running out of time. I'm getting too old, or something.
I'm scared I'm gonna be alone forever, or, if I do fall in love again, fall in love in a way that I find disappointing or settle or whatever.
So I start wondering if I should contact her. It's not even just I want to talk to her again about stuff that only we could talk about (as I stated before, she occupied this specific intersection of people that I just don't have anywhere else), I actively just... want that type of relationship connection again.
Then my mind races through whether she would even want to date me again.
Then my mind races through the complexities of dating her again, what friends I'd need to inform, which friends I'd actively keep in the dark because they would reject her and fight me about it, probably for my own good tbh.
Then my mind races through the complexities of, well, dating someone who my brain can't even trust anymore.
My mom isn't helping. If you may remember, after the previous break up, she briefly mentioned "what if you do end up together." I thought that would be the end of it, but recently we were talking about the people in my ex's town having to forget about me for a second time. Then my mom said "hopefully for the last time, but ya know, your dad was saying- oop." and then she changed the topic.
I wonder if I still sound happy when talking about my ex. Because maybe my parents are still wondering if I'm going to forgive her and go back to her. It's been already 3 months after a 5 month long relationship and here I still am.
It's all a mess and then I realize that I really shouldn't contact her or try to even initiate this conversation because it wouldn't work out for one reason or another and then I get trapped in the feeling of being scared and alone forever again.
Tumblr media
And I tried to cry today.
I tried. With tears and everything. It didn't really work. I can't really cry unless I'm with someone I'm very comfortable with after telling them what happened. So... The last time I cried with tears was January 28th, in my ex's arms. The first and last time I cried with her. And also the first time I cried with tears since... hm. There was a moment in 2018 where I really broke down and cried in my room. But.. yea. That's it.
See, the thing is, I know I will be ok alone. I know I'll find my own peace and my own happiness being alone. I watched my uncle do it before he passed away. I've watched family friends do it. Hell, I thought I was aromatic until I re-met the ex.
But that's the rub, isn't it? I thought I was aromatic.
After dating her again, I realize that I very very very very clearly am not.
There's a degree of personal happiness that I can't access alone. If my personal happiness goes from 1/10 (deciding if life is worth living) to 10/10 (on a date with a girl who I know likes me), then the degrees of happiness 9/10 and 10/10 are locked unless I'm with someone. I haven't felt 9/10 or 10/10 without dating someone. And I had forgotten this was all the case until I dated her again. When I was alone those 8 years, I thought my 8/10 happy moments was as good as it was gonna get.
It wasn't.
And now I'm scared I'll never be able to reach that degree of happiness again.
Tumblr media
Because, you see, I've been looking around. I've been talking to people, trying to find someone new. I've hit some sparks, I can feel some girls liking me. But I don't think I like them the same way I liked the ex.
With the ex, I was ecstatic about her in every way. I wanted to talk about her to everyone I knew. She was 3 hours away, and that 3 hour drive to her house was the greatest amount of anticipation I ever felt. It was exhilarating. Every time.
I still remember the first time I saw her again, she just walked out the door, jumped, surprised because I spooked her from the corner, then she charged and hugged me. And I felt 10/10. I felt 11/10. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.
This isn't a hyperbole.
But I don't know if I'll reach this with someone else.
Maybe I just haven't found the one yet. But I'm scared I'll run out of time. There some part of me that just wants my future wife to be someone I've known for a very long time. I kinda don't want someone new, I want someone I'm familiar with. Someone nostalgic.
I think I'm just imposing what my ex and I had onto future girls, which is causing me to not accept different kinds of interactions with them. But I really don't know how else to describe it other than they don't make me as excited. I'm not getting that spark. I don't get it. I just.. don't understand. I guess I'm just not over her yet.
Tumblr media
And then the final bit is that an old boss of mine contacted me. I think I might take his job, but it's taking a bit longer for it to materialize. However, this job is in small town, Louisiana. The same small town that killed my romanticism 5-ish years ago.
It's a really really good opportunity. It would literally triple-quadruple my previous wage, and, I was not being paid minimum wage or anything. And he says eventually I'd be transferred to New Orleans, so at least I know I wouldn't be trapped in small town, USA.
I'm just.. scared I'll be alone forever.
So I'm trying to decide if I should text her again.
And I really, really shouldn't.
But... maybe.
ah I don't know anymore
Tumblr media
4 notes · View notes
Note
vaguely nsfw asks: 1,10,13,20,30,37,38,40,48, 50,56,57,58,62, 63,64,65, 69,70,71,75,76,78,82,84
1. Are looks important in a relationship?
For me personally, nope. If i have feelings for someone I'll find them pretty no matter what.
10. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nope. Maybe for someone it happens but for us, demi people nope. We need emotional connection first.
13. Do you get jealous easily?
Depends on a situation, but my jealousy isn't toxic type and it can only hurt me.
20. Do you shower every day?
Yep.
30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?
Many times. I'd mainly change my disaster of a face as well as teeth too.
37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
No, i don't think so.
38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Only when it came to some of my celebrity crushes.
40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?
Nope. I'm bad at writing poems and songs.
48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
It depends on a situation and emotional connection n stuff. Like i don't have generic situations like that so it's hard to say.
50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
I don't think i even had it or maybe i should having it right now. But if we're talking about my first crush, well he doesn't have anything to apologize for as we were kids and just drifted apart.
56. State 8 facts about your body
I have scars, mainly from self harm and some accidents but also because of surgery.
Before 14 i didn't have body dysmorphia.
I never was fat or overweight, i was and still am small and underweight.
I got bullied because i was a late bloomer and didn't hit puberty around 12.
That's all i can think of.
57. Things you want to say to an ex
Ask him why he decided to not be friends anymore. Especially that we ended our relationship on a good terms and stayed friends up until pandemic.
58. What are five ways to win your heart?
Ask @anon-tobi she will know because she has won my heart. 🤭
62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?
Love me for who i am and love me the way i need/crave.
63. What is your definition of “having sex”?
Having fun in an intimate way.
64. What is your definition of cheating?
Engaging in any romantic/sexual etc thing with other person while you're committed to someone else. This includes flirting, sending nudes, sexting, having sex, kissing etc.
65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?
Never had any so can't say.
69. What turns you off?
Selfishness, close mind, not understanding how consent works, bullying/degradation.
70. What turns you on?
Open mind, good heart, softness, neck kisses, praise.
71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?
Can't remember because i don't really get sex dreams.
75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?
Gifted a handmade jewelry.
76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?
Not sure tbh. 🥺
78. What’s your dirtiest secret?
You think I'd tell it all publicly if i had one? Lol.
82. Who is the last person you hugged?
A friend i met at the concert in Berlin.
84. Why did your last relationship fail?
I don't think we were ready for long distance relationship, plus he had very bad mental health problems and i think some stuff didn't really worked anyway because i wasn't actually that attracted to men.
Thank you!
3 notes · View notes
shipuli · 1 year
Text
My Super Duper 2022 Recap
A small retrospect of my anime year of 2022 which I thought I should write before the year changes. This year has been something of a comeback for me.😤 Compared to last year when I watched around 18 titles (or 2020 with 10 titles), I managed to watch around 49 titles this year and I can't say any of them were really that bad. I am not going to list them here for obvious reasons (unless this post gets 13 likes. Then I might consider it, as this was such a hit)
Tumblr media
I think it is ironic and funny that the one title that really started my anime comeback was Belle. It was an entertaining movie and I really liked watching it, but I didn't think that it would be something I would end up analyzing for hundreds of hours.
Tumblr media
The shocking revelation of this post is that I don't actually really like the family aspects of Hosoda movies because I'm a heartless monster, but I do like the digital aspects. But there is something in Belle, where it connects these two aspects through unnecessarily many layers of symbolism, that it comes into something so beautiful it is hard to look away from. I feel like I could still rewatch the whole movie and enjoy it as much as I did on the first time.
Okay maybe not the whole movie but at least the music parts. Those slap so hard.
Tumblr media
Of the 49 titles, there was quite a bit of titles from my inactive years,
(This sounds like I am some professional sports player who retired and then came back to experience the sport one last time, but noticed that he is no longer in the level he was before and silently retires a couple years later. Maybe in some sense I am. Now, do you still remember the sentence before these clauses because it's about to continue)
which I mostly watched during summer. I think most memorable of these were Sonny Boy and Link Click. Sonny Boy, because although I still think it's at best 6/10 when you watch it for the first time, I think the vision and themes Natsume Shingo tries to tell with it are extremely interesting when you start to break the title down afterwards. But because the theme is so complex and abstract, it makes the work very hard to approach (and not that entertaining).
Tumblr media
When I was young and full of energy to watch 20 titles per season, there weren't any Chinese bishounen animations. So in this sense I think Link Click is a really interesting show because it represents a somewhat unknown potential to me. With age, I have grown more numb to be entertained, so I warmly welcome the over the top tropes and plot twists that the Chinese entertainment industry is known for.
I still can't believe they would leave the show in that cliffhanger. Absolute madlads.
Tumblr media
During fall, I somehow managed to pick up learning Japanese again. I pretty much started from scratch because I had forgotten almost everything in my Anki decks. Compared to my previous attempts, this time I took a more relaxed approach to reading manga. I think previously I took the reading more as an exercise and tried to learn every single word. This time I just started reading and tried to increase the input while adding new words to my Anki decks when I felt like it. I think this has paid off because I have been able to keep this habit and actually have been enjoying the titles that I have read.
Tumblr media
I have noticed that I really like Shounen Jump + series and as the yen has been low, I have bought multiple of those as I am a materialist to the core of my bone. Not sure what to do next when the yen gets stronger... Will I shift towards digital or will I just pour more money into books. I think this is a rhetorical question.
Tumblr media
I'm not sure what is it in Jump+ as a publication that is pulling me towards it but I have been enjoying that I don't really need to think what to read next. Well tbh I'm a sheeple so finding new series just means reading top lists. On a completely unrelated note just bought Chi: Chikyū no Undō ni Tsuite and can't wait to read it! Oh yeah was this post suppose to be about anime?
Tumblr media
Going into 2023 I think there is a lot to look forward to. Can't wait to read more masterpieces that I have missed and get better at reading (in more than one language). One Piece Film Red is going to be a banger and will carry me for the first half of the year (if it's not, i'm going to fall into a short depression and hope Shinkai's Suzume will save me).
I have nothing else because I really need sleep. See you in 2023.
Tumblr media
1 note · View note
starlit-mansion · 2 years
Note
I was just reading your post about them "whiffing" the story and while I agree somewhat? Tbh at least hopefully it's an actual decisive direction they've picked this time. FNAF lore is mostly a mess afaik because Scott scrapped the original 'it was all a dream' ending after fnaf3 bc it was so disliked (reasonably so, imo). so maybe this new era/soft reboot of FNAF will be more coherent long term? Anyone who can stomach the change might have a nice (and eventually, a less confusing) time with it down the line.
LOL i talk so much mess about fnaf that i can't even remember which post that could be.
To be honest... i'm not the person to complain to about the second trilogy of fnaf ruining the franchise because sister location and pizza sim are my favorite games in the series.
Also, i know this is verboten in the fnaf fandom, but i don't actually want a "coherent" story or timeline. I want a SATISFYING one. I think it's the fact that when scott was at the helm, he prioritized rule of cool over being painted into a corner by his own story and had the stones to be like "you know what? The murderous security guard was actually a mad scientist with a secret lab because i want to model bitchin' sci-fi clown androids" that kept me hanging on to the franchise.
There's a lot of, let's be honest, derivatives of the fnaf trends that do coherent lore and consistent stories that just don't have the sauce of fnaf, and they don't really spark fandom brain in me. The fact that the first six fnaf games have an absolute gut punch last call/final act (from phone guy's brittle denial all the way to connection terminated) WORKS. They function as roller coasters, dark rides. When you walk backwards through them, you can see the places where things are propped up with plywood and 2x4s, and i tend to fixate on little flaws and details as much as anyone else, but every time i ride through, i still FEEL it. I still remember why i was captivated.
Security breach sucks because the story had huge bites taken out of it. I can tell you in detail why it's bad but part of it is that the villains are NOT put over within the story. Gregory's main enemy is Vanny, and there's no bossfight with her, no big reveal that the stabby bunbun WAS the security guard (and also the security guard is brusque and mean, not the ally she was clearly intended to be based on promotional material). There IS a boss fight with Burntrap, and Gregory does not know that man from adam. That is the game staring the audience in the eye being like "you like springtrap? We gave you a springtrap!" It does not hit. As bad as i think robogreg is, i understand that it partially comes from a ham-handed desire to fix this dangling thread.
I recognize that steel wool did some serious triage, and i even understand their priorities in making the glamrocks so likable (warming up new/casual fans of the series while, possibly, trusting that lore heads and villain enjoyers would fight over scraps and mostly remain dedicated to the franchise). I think that's why the wider reception of the game is... fine. It's memey and candy coated and came out during a particularly dry season in all the genres it pertained to, had a hot minute of trending fandom, and left a lot of people primed to pop back in to check out the next installment (with a little free dlc to keep the buy-in going). I can't say it isn't smart.
But they put out a broken game that doesn't pay off a single setup in a non-infuriating way, and so i maintain that the story whiffed lol
1 note · View note
syubub · 3 years
Text
May 13th Reading
Definitely long awaited and way bigger than I intended it to be so buckle up.
Funky disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards!
Oh boy. The continuation of yoongis soulmate saga.
(Note frome future me: it's not proofread but I'm hungry. Sorry for mistakes!)
So so so so
Tumblr media
Let's start.
I started with all the normal jazz. Connecting with his energy and shit. Same as usual same old same old. Platform= same same. I was like, "hey, let's talk about your soulmate and the whole may 13th shit" and we connected via energy stringy thing to the forehead and such. I was intresting bc my end of the string was kinda my energy color! Neato. Looks like some rest has really done me good!
Okay, here's where I start actually asking shit. I made notes at this point before the reading as I usually do. I'm just gonna insert the screen shot here.
Tumblr media
The 14 thing really fucked me up. You'll see later. Also, when I got the whole Pisces Jupiter thing I had to do me some googling bc we established that Jupiter went into Pisces ON May 13th so I was like?? Am I missing something?
I was. I forgot that it goes retrograde and then co.es back to Pisces on December 28th. And I do indeed think it to be significant.
The shit about temperance makes a lot of sense. In yoongis first soulmate read I flipped my shit bc he was like, "You're gonna get temperance reverse" in regards to a card for his soulmate and I was like "pft whatever. Don't play me like that"
And then I got temperance reverse. It's been a significant card from the jump.
I asked him if he had any advice for his soulmate and that's what "Don't wait for big things, you'll miss the small ones that lead you to bigger things" and "Look for facts before assuming" and "Don't try pushing it, forcing it won't make sense" and "A spade is a spade/ ace is an ace" and "Don't make ill informed guesses" all were
Now this part:
"Union has happened , yet to on the physical"
Gave me some hints thankfully because he straight up said no more hints.
This ties back into the whole Jupiter thing too. The seeds are/ have been planted and now they have to grow before they can be harvested.
Well Mr. Yoongi, I'm impatient and I don't want to wait. I want to see you in love pronto.
Anyways
He showed me a little dream box/ trinket box looking thing and a super vague Keychain with no further explanation... so... there's that I guess.
I can't quite decide if "Don't make ill informed guesses" was a tongue-in-cheek pike at me or if it was genuine advice to his soulmate? He just loves to not explain things.
Now let's begin the monster read.
So. The first row of cards
Tumblr media
I asked the question, "what the fuck was May 13th and what was it's purpose in regards to your connection"
Important is what it was lol. I interpret this as them finding their footing and this being the starting point of the genuine foundation being layer. Like they've been manifesting eachother for a while but May 13th marked the start of them making the real life changes in their actual lives that will be the set up for them meeting.
The seven of coins is about thoughtful planning and creating security/ stable plan. The tower is essentially ripping away anything and everything that was built on unstable foundation and challenging/ testing your character (an extremely rude awakeing if you will). Judgement is releasing the past so you can rise above it and confronting yourself as you are (Also legit awakening) the queen of coins is financial security and self confidence in your abilities. Ten of coins is prosperity and abundance and most of all, stability. Eight of wands is explosion of potential and rapid movement. Temperance is awareness and balance between physical and spiritual. It's also that quiet peace where you find balance.
So. Seeing all those cards it really does seem like maybe his soulmate took on something new that could lead straight to union? Same for yoongi. I'd like to analyze and recent or new-ish habits or hobbies he's picked up?
Moving right along though. I asked what the 13th did for each of them in their personal life and personal journey. Kinda like what came as a result of that energy? Let's start with yoongles
Tumblr media
This was really intresting to me. I think he definitely gained some form of clarity about the situation with that sun card. The 5 of cups tells me that either he was kinda forced to confront some of his flaws in a way that he was trying to avoid or he had to consciously let go of something dear to him? Could be something he had to leave behind because it crumbled with the tower moment but he didn't see it coming or didn't know that it was time to part with it? With that queen of wands though fits beautifully with the sun! Its like he's found warmth after a long winter. Definitely found a spark of compassion and generosity from a place of happiness and love rather than anger, fear, obligation or pitty.
I asked for clarity cards/ anything else that may 13th signified bringing in and we got the 2 of cups and 10 of swords. I have two thoughts. Either he let go of a relationship that he was already in because he didn't feel as though they were particularly compatible anymore (Also ties into the above section) OR the 13th had made him very much consciously aware of his soulmates incoming status and he is now preparing and working on himself for when this person comes. The 10 of swords would be him releasing the past and the pain and any ill fitting behavior that don't vibe with him any longer. Yellow really seems to be working for him by the way.
Soulmate time
Tumblr media
Lol. All signs point to his soulmate genuinely starting a new venture. New creative pursuit that will bring them good money. 10 of pentacles is abundance, prosperity and stability. The ace of wands is a new creative spark and passion and it's the first big steps into something new. The 2 of wands is "the world is in the palm of your hands" vibes. Choices need to be made swiftly and with the ace of wands I think they will be. With the heirophant too, it will be a well informed decision because they've been manifesting this and has been searching for all the possible information.
As for clarity, we have the moon. Damn. Soulmates been doing that shadow work. Dredging up all their bullshit and getting rid of it while still taking the time to sit with it and release it so nothing is unresolved. Also probably extra creative due to all the emotional baggage being thrown out. (Definitely helping with the ace of wands vibes tbh)
Now for the bad boys in the middle
Tumblr media
The question I asked is what those individual changes (detailed in the last two sections) will bring for the bond and I just can with them. These fuckers. I am so invested in their love story bc it's so... them? And just so fucking ROMANTIC. UGH I CAN'T.
Back to the point. High priestess, 4 of wands and the lovers. The high priestess is deep knowing and insane intuition, the 4 of wands is the purest joy and marriage and the lovers is well, the lovers.a magical union.
FUCK DUDE I NEED THIS TO BE A ROMCOM.
For the row of bottom cards
Tumblr media
I asked if they had anything at all to add so I'm gonna explain each card individually bc I think they could be individual tid bits of shit.
Knight of coins is good news about finances/ money looking promising and organized work (also dependability!!). Death is all about transformation, the beginning of a new chapter and accepting in order to move foward. Ace of coins is spiritual and material abundance and also a reminder to keep grounded. Page of swords is confidence, important news coming and really good insight! Roots out secrets or hidden things like a truffle pig. The star is promising potential, healing and guidance from an enexpected place. The two of cups is a soul connection, love, intuition especially in regards to another person and a good bind. The emperor is self awareness, foresight, fearlessness to achieve a goal and confidence. Eight of coins rev is poor discipline and skating by on low effort.
Now to the sides!
Tumblr media
Yoongi is the left, soulmate is the right.
So, let's begin with yoongi. The first two cards are anything he wants to say to his soulmate. Wheel of fortune and three of swords reverse. I take this as "its all in divine time/ it's destiny" (wheel of fortune) and "trust your intuition. It's okay to get hurt, you just need to remember you can always pick yourself up" (3of swords rev.)
We have now cards that I asked what he was learning through this process/ in this time. Be positive and first step.
The last two cards are affirmations he wants to give his soulmate.
"When I introduce joy to a situation, I change the vibrational frequency of what's happening around me" and "directing my focus onto what's thriving creates more of what I want"
Now for soulmates cards (same structure)
Strength and eight of swords. "You're stronger than you think. Take every part of yourself and acknowledge it. You're a force to be reckoned with" (strength) and (soulmate snapped at him on this) "the only thing holding you captive is you."
Now we have peer pressure (I think soulmate is learning to say "fuck you" and "fuck off" to people who have a set idea of how everyone should be living their lives), emotional healing and open your arms to receiving.
Then we have "its good to feel good" (lol I feel like yoongi definitely needs this one) and "when I connect to the spiritual realm, I open the door to recieve divine guidance, clear direction, and great wisdom"
Tumblr media
The last stretch my friends.
So. Completion, leave behind the things that no longer serve you. Exist in the present and don't keep mulling over the past or any future happenings. Magic, pay attention to the magic around you. Listen for the signs of the universe and take them as they come (essentially listen to divine guidance) . Be open minded but logical as well. Luminous warrior, try focusing on the good in yourself instead of berating yourself for every small flaw. Spiritual path, self explanatory. The blade, your power can be a weapon when used willy nilly (most often wounding the wielder) or it can heal. Don't fear it but also consider how you choose to utilize it. The give away, be greaful for the sake of being greatful for it, not because you want something in return. The rain maker, manifestation station. Create with the tools you have because you have everything you need in order to manifest. "Don't take life personally"
Now we have heaven sent.
""Let yourself be helped" assistance is coming your way so act on it and say yes"
" This Oracle also comes with the message that you are to trust in the things that you feel and say to others without knowing why. It moves them. You might not understand, but through trust you are allowing yourself not to overthink and censor yourself. As such you are able to become a vessel through which the spiritual gift can be passed on to others. Don't block yourself. Let life happen through you. Only benefit can come from this."
And free from judgment, free to love
" If you have been asking life for a solution to a specific difficulty you have been having, this Oracle comes with the message that a solution is in gestation right now. This situation is already being sorted out and the resolution will come to fruition very soon. Hold tight and wait for the eminent birth of that resolution."
" This Oracle also brings you a message about love. You may find that you are loving, or soon will love, in a different way. You may worry about this love, given that it defies what you have known or been taught about love. Perhaps you are becoming able to love another tremendously, even though you don't have much of a personal relationship with them. You might question if this love is real. It is real Kama it is just happening at a different level to the love and attachment you experience when you are involved in a personal relationship with someone. It is not more or less, it is just a different facet of love. It may be that you are opening up to love the planet and her creatures, including the animals, the ocean dwelling life, your own body, the trees and so on, more than before period you may feel passionately purposeful about giving your time and energy to causes that protect and nurture the Earth and her creatures. You are affirmed in this love too. The universal mother is operating through you to nurture life. She will support you in your work, so that you can continue To come from love and not become drained, depleted or lost in despair or fear of futility. Instead, you will be energised and expanded by your dedicated service to life."
" Finally, this Oracle has a message for those who may be feeling alone or lonely in a need of greater nurturing from others. You are asked to stop, relax, centre and settle into your body to feel your connection with life itself. The air in your lungs is the same as the air that moves through the trees. The water in your blood is the same water that fills the oceans and is moved by the phases of the moon. The flesh of your body is the same substance as the body of the Earth itself. The heat in your digestive system is the same fire and heat as that from the Sun. Feel this connection, then do something nice for another without agenda. Make a donation, even if just a small one, smile, say a prayer, sent out a good thought or make a wish for another. That's it. You have connected to life again and in doing so, life can connect with you. And so it shall.
And that's all for the cards but but but.
Someone (either my guide or yoongi) was like, "do a song. Do a song. Do a song." And I was like, "oki doki, sounds good.
So I asked what numbers I should try refreshing and then it hit me. The number 14 came up before the reading and it seemed a bit misplaced? So I did 14 shuffles and look what popped up
Tumblr media
You gotta be fucking with me.
Istg these fools will actually be the death of me dude. Euphoria is so romantic and I lowkey feels like it describes a bit of what their bond must be like.
YOONGGGIIII
Anyway,
I came back to the platform to be like, "thanks homie" and it was weird bc he was practically pure energy? Like usually I visualize his energy as what his physical body looks like because it's easier to comprehend? But nope, he was just a big shimmery glob of energy.
As I was going to disconnect, a few things happened. I felt tingly and the platform was vibrating almost? So I was like, "hold on, what the fuck is this?"
And then
It hit me
"MIN YOONGI IS YOUR SOULMATE HERE??"
I could tell this fuckin asshole was smug even in his blue glob form.
The color was... blue like yoongi but also a light lavender/ pink kinda vibe. Pretty damn distinct.
I was so stoked and I thought we'd all get to chat and I could yell at his soulmate for being an elusive asshat
But Mr smug butt had different plans.
My dude dropped a little marble thing in my hand and I was like ??? And he was like, "you'll know when you need it" and I was like ?????
My guide took pity on me and said, "it's just a representation on information that you've been given but it isn't the proper time to unpack it yet"
Cool cool so like and energetic zip file that will release itself whenever it damn well pleases? Cool cool cool.
(Asshole)
Anyway, I genuinely think that my excitement of this whole situation must somehow also influence how yoongis energy handles my prodding? Like what the fuck is this marble bullshit?
To top it all off, he gives me a friendly shove off of his platform.
Thanks, buddy.
Now we are here. And as always, I'm left with more questions.
My main take away is that amay 13th through July 28th will be all the foundation and ground work and December 28th 2021 through May 10th (11th? 9th?) 2022 will be a more likely time for physical union and actual relationship stuffs.
Anyone who knows more about astrology please feel free to chime in on this whole Jupiter in Pisces bit! My understanding is super surface level!!
~~~~
That was a big boi and now my thumbs hurt real bad. Hope you were entertained by the chaos.
128 notes · View notes
Note
I'm surprised people see Tadashi as the victim in his relationship with Ainosuke, when it's Tadashi the one who time and time again takes away Ainosuke's agency, without being able to see that he is throwing him unto unhappiness. I can't help but think that if Tadashi was not working at Shindo's house, Ainosuke would have maybe left or broke with the family. But he can't do that if he wants the relationship with Tadashi going on, seing how Tadashi is set on enforcing the family rules...
Hmm.. I def agree with the fact that Tadashi is not what most fandom makes out of him, my man (I mean, Adam’s man) is a 100% Slytherin. But I disagree with blaming him for this, after all the revealed info. The environment they were both raised in made their situation complicated.
I like Tadashi a lot, he’s probably my fav thing about this anime, bc he’s a dark horse, and I’m once again surprised, that so little ppl see him for who he really is, portraying him as an innocent puppy, which he is definitely not.
Now to why I think both Tadashi and Adam are victims of the dad and aunties in this situation. 
We can of course say “if only they told each other how they really feel...”, but like we can say it about any love story really. Every author knows it’s no fun. The truth is that yes, they both hurt each other, and yes, if they were honest about their feelings things would’ve been different, but as I’ve already wrote under that “toxic” commentary on YT, lets look at the whole situation from both of their point of views:
We know that Adam when he was little always treated Tadashi as an equal, he never ever thought of him as someone lower than him and after their fall out, the only reason for this “harsh” treatment (well, besides their confirmed kink) was that Adam tried to get a reaction out of him, so Tadashi would stand up for himself, bc Ainosuke got mad about Tadashi caving to his dad’s wishes and abandoning him, when he needed him the most. 
But now, knowing the fact that Tadashi was his dad’s secretary and was under his control, let’s see it from his perspective: Tadashi wanted to stay by Adam’s side, Adam’s dad implied that if Tadashi did say smth, he’s gonna be.. well, dismissed and they won’t see each other ever again. That’s what caused Tadashi to stay silent in that moment. Ainosuke instead saw this as a “he’s not on my side” thing, well, because. Tadashi won’t tell him his problem, bc dad and aunties control everything, so even if he does tell him, what a teen would do really? He didn’t have any powers back then to make his dad do anything. 
And that’s when it all gone to shit, since they both were hurt for their own reasons. It’s easy to say leave the family, but 1stly nobody explained to Adam still that he’s physically and psychologically abused by his family, he sees it as them “loving him” and sadly also loves them, bc nobody told him, that love wasn’t supposed to be like that really. He definitely feels that smth is not right and feels emotionally exhausted there bc of this treatment, but did he ever consider leaving? I really don’t think so. He feels obligated to be worthy of a family, who “loves” him.
Do you think, for example, that Akashi Seijuro hates his dad for what he did to him? No. Does he understand that he wasn’t at fault for what happened to him and that his dad instead of comforting his child after his mother’s death, who was his only safe haven, made everything worse? I don’t think he does. Like his mom gave him basketball, an escape from all that family’s obligations and strictness. After her death, it was the only thing left that brought him joy, but his dad ruined even that, saying that if he’s gonna be bad at it/lose, he’d take it away from him too. Does Akashi see this as emotional abuse? No, he sees it like “well, I have to be the best bc I was born in such powerful family, so if my dad says that I must be best at everything, then I must.”
I personally hate such parents a lot. To me it doesn’t matter if Adam’s dad didn’t know about aunties hitting his child. Like if he was too busy to notice this and have no time for his kid and made his childhood miserable, it doesn’t make it any better really. 
Same as with Akashi’s dad. Some are like “he was probably also grieving about his wife”. Emm? He was like this from the beginning, bc he treated Akashi not as his son, but as his heir. And yes, that’s different things. Same with Endeavor and Todoroki. Your child is not your post production thing.
2ndly they were too young, even if they knew about each others feelings and he didn’t feel obligated and told everyone to fuck off, they’d be on the streets now, but also Adam’s dad doesn’t seem like a guy who’d leave them alone really. Also eloping seems very romantic, but I don’t think it is, esp when you’re teens. Did you want him to sell some expensive watch and go live on Hawaii or smth? Bc finding a decent job there would be difficult at this age, esp with everyone knowing who your dad is. Chen Ke from “Antidote” survived bc he was 27 and had connections and some great friends. Adam was in high school, where would he go exactly?
Now let’s go back to now. Obviously all this time it didn’t even cross Tadashi’s mind that for Ainosuke he comes first and that he would throw everyone under the bus to make Tadashi stay with him. As we see at the end, he legit believed that Adam was planning to send him to jail and didn’t get that he said it just to shaken he up and that he knew who he’d set up for this from the beginning. 
To Adam obviously it doesn’t matter whether they’re in a quarrel or not, he would never him go. Yes, he’s mad at him, he’s angry and hurt, but Tadashi’s still the person he needs the most, he’s still the person who brightens his days, even tho he deliberately behaves like he annoys him. He always looks at him and looks at him and looks at him, but then hisses smth to hurt him. Bc he knows that he needs him, but he also hates that he needs him, bc he thinks it’s unrequited.
And that’s how their classic romance goes in hellish circles. No one wants to talk as usual. Adam is mad Tadashi is like that bc his dad turned him into a slave with no opinion, while Tadashi is scared that Adam would be taken away from him bc of his ugly family. 
Now I still think that no one and I mean no one can take Tadashi from Adam now, he is his precious. So my plan is... if Tadashi made aunties do smth against him or to get rid of him, aunties will go for sure. The problem is Tadashi still doesn’t get that he comes first, so we’re stuck in this hell still.
So anyways, my point is Adam’s heart basically sings “you got a hold of me, don’t even know your power” to Tadashi, but he doesn’t hear it, bc of his insecurities, the way he was raised and his status. But yes, he holds all the power. He’s both Adam’s sanity and insanity. No matter how cheesy it sounds he was basically his only ray of sunshine in the darkness, if you take it away, that’s what it leads to, that’s why Ainosuke-sama needs more ppl who care for him. I don’t want anyone to die next time, just cause Tadashi and Adam fought about where to put their new couch lmao. I’m kidding, but you know what I mean. And kill the aunties, pls seriously, we need to be free.
Also ppl need to remember that like lots of animes/characters are parcially inspired by some other animes/characters, also the chosen seiyuus are also very important, there are lots of stuff like jokes and references, that creators use, from characters being fully inspired by smth like “Assassination classroom” characters based on KNB, to little stuff like Levi dressed in Akashi’s uniform in chibi AOT bc Hiroshi Kamiya. Utsumi already said before stuff like she sometimes think of a perfect voice for the character and then fully forms him, we also know her clear love for sports animes. So yes, I doubt Tadashi/Kuroko thing is a coincidence and even tho someone was like “zone? is this knb or smth?” I was like no, zone is actually a common thing in sports, even tho most associate it with KNB including me, it’s not like its their invention, but there were things inspired by this for sure, and from other sports animes too and no, I don’t mean the basic sports anime tropes, I mean, like way too specific things, some character designes, too. And yes, Langa appearence and personality wise is a rinharu child for real, I can literally split his scenes in “that’s Haru”, “that’s Rin”.
That’s why I’ve said that this situation in fandom reminds me of Kuroko/Akashi situation a lot, bc same as here in KNB ppl for some reason automatically thought that Kuroko is this innocent sheep and Akashi is the wolf (but also like it was Akashi who chose to dress as red riding hood, while Kuroko was a wolf lmao), not even seeing who is in reality more dangerous and who can easily control who. It just buffles me bc it’s not some deep analisys really. I mean once again there’s a reason for the saying that the sub holds all the power over the dom. 
And like just bc someone yells or threatens ppl constantly doesn’t necessarily mean he is a psycopatic killer, and just bc someone is quiet and doe-eyed, doesn’t mean he isn’t. I didn’t think we needed to explain this to someone, but aparently we do?
And it honestly kills me just how superficially ppl are watching things these days. It really gives me war flashbacks to stuff like the last mdzs s1 episode, where ppl started to comment things like “how LZ can be so heartless” lmao. Or that anonymous ask “do you think haru misses rin?”. Like you don’t see thing at all? Grey substance no needed, while watching things?
P.S. I also would die to see Adam vs Tadashi race just bc I for some reason can bet all my money, that it’s the same situation as with Akashi refusing to ankle break Kuroko, no matter how mad he is. I just can’t imagine Ainosuke hitting Tadashi in the face with a board. Like 100% sure he wouldn’t even try tbh.
121 notes · View notes
Okay so I saw the Emily episodes last night and now I’m just sitting here having a Sad over it. Like, I’d been previously aware that an Emily existed, but unaware as to how things actually went down, so more of a surprise than I’d expected.
I loved the fact that—we’ve seen Mulder be super protective over his sister, but this time we get to see that protectiveness being expanded to another little girl. He really cares about keeping kids safe, doesn’t he?
The part where he’s not sure what he believes anymore 😭 (can’t remember if that was from these episodes or not though)
A little surprised he wouldn’t give Scully a heads-up about what he was about to tell the judge regarding her infertility, seeing as she didn’t already know it. So glad she didn’t get really mad at him. He hasn’t told her a lot of things though, including about what he found in the office during this arc. What’s your thoughts about M trying to protect S by keeping things from her?
I loved that she called him in for backup. She’s facing little to no support on all fronts, and then one phone call brings him unquestioningly in.
But poor Scully, fighting a losing battle all the way down to the end—this whole storyline just radiates loss.
oh the Emily arc... all my feels. sorry for taking a few days to get to this, it's been a loooong weekend for me lol and I haven't gotten much sleep.
I didn't expect those episodes to hit me as hard or stick with me as much as they did, but here I am, trawling AO3 and Tumblr for every fic I can find lol...
dude yes that connection between Emily and Samantha... Mulder already projects onto children so often on cases, because of his own childhood trauma, and Emily is just this lost little girl who needs protected, who's a part of the conspiracy out of her or anyone else's control — and she's Scully's, too — and it's kinda like... of COURSE he was going to absolutely adore her. of COURSE he would bend heaven and earth for Scully's lost little girl. the part where he goes after that doctor and shoves him up against the bookshelf and yells and threatens him is just ahsjdjsksk he is SO protective 😭
(also the fact that textually, IN CANON, IN AS MANY WORDS, they outright stated what happened as medical rape... the one and only time Chris Carter was self-aware....)
ok so re: Mulder not telling Scully about her stolen ova — I think a lot of this comes down to him being Really Bad At Talking About Things (TM). he doesn't want to add that knowledge to everything she's already struggling with during the cancer arc, and, if I have it correct (pretty big "if" tbh), the Reduxes happen shortly prior to Thanksgiving — which means that at the point of the Emily episodes it hasn't been all that long, maybe a month and a half, since her cancer went into remission. so I just kinda feel like he never had an opportunity that felt like it would be the right time — knowing how awkward he can be, idk when/if he *would* have told her without the circumstances of CC/Emily tbh. they can talk about so much stuff all the time but when it comes to serious things, they both s t r u g g l e. and, like you said, in a way he was trying to protect her from more pain — especially since she was also fighting cancer.
and yeah!! she really can't think of anywhere else she wants to turn, anyone else she can depend on the way she can trust Mulder — and of course, he's there for her in heartbeat. no hesitation, they're there for each other no matter what, no questions asked. the way he supports her in these eps always gets to me, he's struggling so much both bc he hid the fact of her infertility from her and because he, as always, blames himself for everything that happens to her and by extension Emily, but he's there at her shoulder at the hospital and doing everything he possibly can for her and her little girl. it's heartbreaking honestly, especially when the doctor asks if they're the parents and they look at each other (and uh... please note that they Don't deny it....) and Mulder ducks his head like he thinks he's undeserving even of that assumption. but the fact of the matter is that he DOES often, as i saw a now-deactivated user point out once, take on quite a bit of the responsibility that a husband would for Scully — even so far as being the one to go with her mom to choose a hecking gravestone when they think she's dead, and being the one to call and tell her mom she has cancer. I know I joke a lot about Mulder being husband material, but... for real. and in the context of the Emily arc, that HURTS.
poor Scully indeed... she's constantly put through more trauma, more loss, more grief, and she carries it with so much grace most of the time, but she doesn't deserve any of it. neither does poor sweet Emily, for that matter... honestly the Scully girls all just deserve so much better (including Melissa... my beloved.... I miss her every day...).
7 notes · View notes
I see what you mean.
I watched Tae's MV for LMA a few times. Song better than rainy days, but still very basic. I didn't like the clothes they went with tbh. The turtle neck with sequins, the color choice, and then his hair color, everything seemed a mismatch. Add to that, the location. Why is he singing a love song, into a mic, inside a decorated cave? Maybe we'll find out when all 5 songs drop?
Just a denim or leather would have been a nice simple look. Better than the bling they went with.
And the entire MV was him singing into the mic with the camera zooming into his face, nothing creative basically. So Iam confused about why we need so many MVs if that's how it'll all be?
I wonder if Tae had any inputs or if it was all MHJ.
Rainy days MV, I get what they were going for. Rainy day, missing his partner, feeling lonely and all that. But it didn't come across very well.
So far, layover isn't doing much for me. Let's see what the rest of the tracks are like.
Since he's blond in the MV, I guess they shot all recently? He only a month ago coloured his hair blond right?
I only watched both MVs once. I don't really stream MVs and if I don't like them the first time I never watch them again. Also,I can't even watch YT right now because I'm in Angola and a submarine sank or something and now the Internet connection is really bad. Someone please explain to me why Tumblr, Twitter, Reddit, WhatsApp, Outlook and other sites work perfectly, but Google, YT, Spotify, and others, barely work. I don't understand. When the WiFi signal is weak Tumblr barely loads but it's working so well, yet YT, which works even when everything else doesn't, can't pick up my WiFi signal. Anyway, sorry, it's frustrating that I can't watch anything lmao. I took a 3 hour nap out of boredom. Thankfully I downloaded a lot of songs on Spotify.
But yeah, agreed with everything. I remember watching the Rainy Days MV and thinking, is this it?, but then there was a part than improved? - I was going to write about it at the time but I got so busy with work I couldn't even do that, and now I don't remember the MV. Anyway... the artsy stuff doesn't really work well. Like I said before, it's very Instragram-y and random. It doesn't feel organic.
Actually, I'm pretty sure Tae's been blonde for a couple of months now? I remember being surprised seeing that he was still blond at Inkigayo. He was blond during the last FW event he attended, right? That's when we saw he was blond for the first time, with Park Bogum in Paris. According to Twitter (since I can't google stuff I have to look it up on Twitter lmao, which is really the best place for BTS related news), that was July 2. So, yeah, he's been blond for a month and a half now. I thought it was longer lmao, but it's still surprising because his hair looked so damaged. BTS usually shoot stuff a month or so in advance, I think. Seven was the same thing, and a lot of other MVs.
Thanks for the ask! And for allowing me to vent about my personal dilemmas lmao.
0 notes
ladyhindsight · 2 years
Note
I remember that somewhere (maybe in the Tales, when Simon is training to ascend? Or in the Codex?) it was mentioned that mundanes can choose among the names of extinguished families only.
For example Simon could not choose Herondale, Morgenstern, Lightwood or Blackthorn because there are still heirs to carry on those names.
It rubbed me the wrong way because, if true, it means that Clare basically created and then killed George Lovelace just so that Simon could take that last name (which was also Jessamine's, because as another anon mentioned, Clare's books only stay relevant thanks to nostalgia). Without George, Simon would have had no connection with the name Lovelace and most likely would have chosen something else.
(Also, the whole thing is so contrived? George was a mundane. Mr Lovelace was stripped of his marks and exiled because he married a mundane woman. The two adopted George. So technically the Lovelace line is NOT extinguished, it's just that the Shadowhunters won't accept an exiled Lovelace among their ranks)
Honestly... This whole thing makes no sense?
Like, what's the point in carrying on a specific family name if the bloodline is completely different?
In real life, for example in the case of royalty, blood and family name are strictly intertwined. You can't just choose whatever name you like.
Clare wants us to feel like certain families ARE like Shadowhunter Royalty, and yet she throws bloodlines out of the window.
So long as she gets to use THE SAME DAMN NAMES OVER AND OVER AGAIN, logic doesn't matter.
She's so obsessed with a few family names, that she can't be bothered to make it make sense.
"The Clave is so morally grey and bad!" and yet mundanes can ascend into Shadowhunter Royalty after minimal training? lol sure Jean.
To me, this speaks volumes about how insecure of a writer she is.
It's like she believes that if she doesn't emotionally manipulate readers by using the same names and referencing past characters all the time, no one will buy her books.
And she's most likely right, but still...
She used Jace Herondale in TMI to get people to read about Will Herondale in TID.
Used Jem Carstairs in TID to get people to read about Emma Carstairs in TDA.
Then used both the Herondale and Carstairs names from TID to get people to read TLH.
And in the future she'll use the Blackthorns from TDA to get people to read TWP.
🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
Like, what about writing a series about the Pinehollow or Joshi families? Too scared you won't make millions in royalties?
Tbh I think that even the publisher would not buy such a series, because they know it wouldn't make as much money.
^^^^^ Everything about this
Clare wrote about the ascension and name thing on her tumblr too if I remember correctly. The logic here is that there is a finite set of Shadowhunter names, and whether the name is use varies from time to time depending on whether the carrier is still alive or has someone chosen an extinguished name. What if all the names are in use and there is no name to pick? Have the Nephilim considered these names in every language or is just in English? Because, again, there are quite a few names that don’t go by the rule Clare has set for the Nephilim names.
It really seems like George was partly created to sell the nostalgia and partly just to die in order to show that there are High Stakes when it comes to ascending and not everyone survives it. Of course Sophie Lightwood did, there was never such fret about her. The name Lovelace just makes rounds to tie Jessamine, George, and Simon together.
I get the same feeling when it’s always Ithuriel who, at first, was in Tessa’s locket, and then later it was Ithuriel who Valentine summoned and whose blood Valentine used to experiment on Tessa’s descendant. Like, what are the chances that from all of the angels it’s Ithuriel on both occasions having a shittastic time?
The reuse of Shadowhunter names just puts more emphasis on the fact that the name seems to matter more than the person carrying it. Emotional manipulation is at the very core of Clare’s writing, and it is highlighter here also. Not just trying to win sympathies for rather unsympathetic main characters in order to make them seem better than they actually are written, but also trying to evoke some emotional connection readers have with characters bearing the same name.
I mean, if there ever was a secret Lightwood branch, I would probably go hell yeah. I’d be interested to learn more although no such basis exists regarding the Herondales, Carstairses, or Blackthorns to me. But that is just the same effect we’ve been discussing here in practice.
It’s really telling about the quality of storytelling if the driving force behind the series is just a bunch of proper nouns because you are unable to make compelling stories and characters without relying too much on the recognizability.
7 notes · View notes
dallonm-archive · 3 years
Text
Tumblr media
[image description: a wideshot of the san francisco skyline, tinted orange by a sunset. Above the skyline, in a white serif font reads "REVELATIONS, REVELATIONS." in all caps. below, in lower caps reads "update #2" /end id]
Revelations, Revelations | Update #2
Hey besties! I've got a funky little RR update
I've had a little bit of a love hate relationship with this book in the last two months but I am loving it right now! I think my struggles came from how I didn't really accept that this book is Hard to write. like it's complicated! and it's set in another country in another era like idk what to tell you! And accepting that was such a weight off my shoulders because I'm not putting the blame on myself. I also was really stuck in part one's problems and I had to be like <3 bestie <3 abandon it til post draft editing. So right now it's like:
Part one: I see it as a little stray cat in an alleyway that I kneel down in front of like pspspsp :) and then it hisses and bites me because it is actually a feral raccoon. Definitely not where I want it to be but like I can fix him
Part two: super fun!! A lot of deeper (and messier) elements are introduced here and I feel like the story's ~vibes~ have clicked. It's a lot of fun and it's getting complex. Whilst there's conflict going on in part one there's definitely this false sense of stability and then part two hits all of them like a baseball bat
My drafting has been much more chill and non linear too, just writing the scenes I want to and then connecting them together. I've been focused less on rich prose/descriptions and more on prose that explores character and it's been very refreshing! I love my flowery prose but I think it's easy to get caught up in. I'm also no longer going to do chapter by chapter updates, both for plot privacy but also because this story is very delicate both in content and the drafting process and I don't just want to expose the bare bones of that, you know? So I'm just gonna do some sectioned rambles and talk about a couple chapters under the cut!
also no longer doing multiple taglists because i can't keep up so! general taglist, ask to be added or removed! ; @kowlazovdi @avi-burton-writing @ryns-ramblings @kitblogsthings @ezrathings @aetherwrites @radiomacbeth @bijouxs @bookphobe @haldimilks @alicewestwater @bookpacking @shaelinwrites @onlyganymede @theelectricfactory @write-like-babs @oceancold @veiliza @sidhewrites @wolf-oak @oasis-of-you @coffeeandcalligraphy @cecilsstorycorner @howdywrites @keira-is-writing @flip-phones @svpphicwrites
Only major change to report is I switched to alternate POVs instead of multiple chapters at a time in one POV because I'm insane <3 I had a lot of fun braiding POVs in Life Cycle of Massive Stars and wanted to try it here and it works much better! Though at this point I am simply ignoring the existence of part 1 because it really was the guinea pig part LMAO i experimented so much with structure and form and now it's a mess but it's <3 a future problem <3 i'd rather have one messy part than a whole first draft that's behind on my growing ~vision~ of the story.
Tumblr media
[image description: a slightly purple tinted photo of two arms extending from the top and bottom of the photo, cropped to only show their hands. Their index fingers touch. in the middle, in a white serif font reads "dorothy" /end id]
Not a chapter, I had a lot of trouble with Dorothy in part 1 but I still love her so instead y'all are getting a mini character ramble! I felt really bad about her for the longest time because I've only been writing her since last summer whereas I've known Felix since like 2018 so there's naturally an imbalance, but I Do Not like that!! And she's really taken her time revealing herself, but I am ~fascinated by her.
I feel she's best summarised by this disillusionment for her life but mostly herself, because she's framed her whole identity by illusory perceptions of other people: a mother she doesn't remember, a girlfriend she breaks up with every six months but still shares a bed with, a twin brother she hasn't seen in person for four years and still sees as a teenager drenched in religious manipulation. It's a lot! She assumes that she feels dissatisfied with her life because she's without her twin, but then Felix returns to her life and shockingly this does not fix all of her problems??? She also doesn't know how to be alone, which definitely will not get better after Felix returns oop
The day her brother decides to leave, Dorothy is home alone.
Her San Francisco apartment is hollow like a hungry stomach. Three days ago, she drove Jolie to the airport then came home to cover the bathroom mirror with towels. On the first day she took an extra shift at the book store, drove through Sea Cliff at sunset, bumped into Mona on the stairwell and joined her and Margot for wine and slipped out when they began arguing over rent and office interns, started then discarded a portrait of a fictional girl and slept from two to five in the morning. On the second day she worked and spent an extra hour designing a window display on science fiction that she put together on the third day. Cut and painted a rocket ship on cardboard that she’ll have to scold kids for tugging, then get scolded herself by their mothers.
The day I finalise a design for their apartment it's over but I call this trick Trying To Get Around The Fact I Made Characters In Their Earlier Twenties Live In San Francisco (cw: drowning)
The apartment is nicer than her, but it’s been home for three years and they get $100 off rent each month because Jolie tends the garden and looks just like the landlady's daughter that drowned in the Pacific.
I don't think I've talked about Jolie much here which is funny because she is probably the most well-received amongst my friends! They love her so much and it's because she's a hot but slightly toxic lesbian smh, I'm like no seriously she does some fucked up things and they're like you promise?? Some funky facts:
Her real name is Jolene and she hates it except when the Dolly Parton song came on, that gives her a god complex
We are going to ignore how I accidentally named two characters after words for beautiful and pretty in French we are going to pretend it was intentional because when this gets published a uni student could get some good analysis out of that in their Intro to Literature class
She joined the cult with her mother at 13 and left as soon as she turned 18 LMAO. She was Dorothy's only connection to the "outside world" and the only reason she was able to leave
Her dream job is gardener/florist! We get it I watched Bly Manor last November. She's also a bartender
would probably have this on her car /j
Tumblr media
[image description: a close up of a car sticker of a frog above "MILF" in green caps. below "MILF" reads "Man I Love Frogs" /end id]
Dorothy and Jolie have always been on and off and building tension but Dorothy realises this can't keep going when Jolie gets into a barfight at work and Dorothy feels Insane because she's the only one concerned?? (cw: blood, mild violence)
“You’re lucky it’s not broken.” She angles Jolie’s face, hand under her chin. Even with red blotted around her nostrils and lips, mulberry lipstick smudged, she still smiles like her bruises are a trophy. It’s a surprise she doesn’t dwell on it: it’s just some blood, doll, nothing to worry about. She didn’t even strike that good. Her technique was all off. If she shows her face back here I’ll just teach her how to punch properly. The worst part is over and I’m a big girl. Do I look upset? Am I crying? When they drive home, she’ll ask to stop and see if she can get free cigarettes or beer by holding her nose and making herself cry. She’ll probably ask Dorothy to hit her so it starts bleeding again. But she’s quiet, leans against the basin and lets her dab damp towels on her face. It doesn’t take long to clean up. It was just some blood.
“Nursing,” Jolie says.
“What?” “You keep saying you want to go to school but don’t know what for – nursing. You’re too good at taking care of people.”
That ending is like Top Three dialogue lines that made me really Concerned for how this character arc is gonna go :) but don't worry about it y'all. I do think Jolie genuinely loves Dorothy but that does not mean! the relationship is healthy!
Basically I love her a lot now that I know her better and I am excited to see where she goes! I think the biggest part of her arc is motherhood/daughterhood and TBH as a recently realised trans dude it took me a Minute to feel entitled to write her story? But being a cis woman shaped my life for two decades and getting to navigate that and being a daughter from a perspective that's totally distanced from myself is very helpful. It's about the inherent admiration and pain that comes from being a mother's daughter! (cw: blood, diet culture/disordered eating)
She lies next to the table and presses her forehead to the glass corner and imagines what would shatter first: the glass or her skin. And she imagines being a girl again, with French braids and too much baby fat in her cheeks and being picked up by a mother before the blood stains her hands and then her dress. She’d tell the mother she just wanted to read her magazines, the dog-eared articles about divorce and top tips for menopause and the benefits of eating half a grapefruit before your calorie-counted meals. And the mother would just brush the bangs out her face, press a pack of thawed peas on the wound and let her choose between the band aid with hearts or the band aid with flowers. And maybe the mother would know she did it for attention because they both know a daughters cry slices oxygen like glass to skin, but she’d still detangle her curls in the evening and kiss her forehead goodnight and serve her breakfast in the morning with half a grapefruit – the other half on her own plate, untouched and left to rot.
Tumblr media
[image description: an orange firework exploding against a black sky. across the photo, in a white serif font reads "the last 10 hours of 1986" /end id]
This is technically two chapters, one in each POV and they close part one! Title is v explanatory and they're meant to be framed like a countdown - my plan was for the scenes to get shorter as it gets closer to midnight and that didn't really work but? The twins def get messier as the countdown goes down and THAT is what we like to see. This is also the only end of a part where the twins are separated but don't worry about it hehe :)
Dorothy
This chapter is like the First Time Dorothy does something for herself and. Good for her!
She’ll publish poetry under a pen name and horror short stories under another. She’ll paint indigo mountains and magenta oceans and not care when the colours stain her clothes. She’ll teach Felix how to blend acrylics and he’ll teach her how to remember piano notes and they won’t argue about who abandoned who. When Mona and Margot break up, she’ll go down to comfort Mona or Margot and then kiss Margot or Mona. She’ll move out and tell neither of them. She’ll find a landlady with a dead daughter and get a discount on an ocean view apartment with wall-length windows. Isaias will move in next door and they’ll have weekly dinner parties with wine that costs more than $10. She’ll go vegan. She’ll be so in tune with herself she won’t need to read magazine horoscopes or pay $50 for a psychic reading that assumes she knows her grandparents. She’ll know when she’s happy sad angry and why. She’ll take portrait commissions so she can afford a therapist. She’ll love her life and ignore that there’s no space for Jolie because she wants there to be. She’ll need nobody except herself. She’ll try and make things with Jolie work. She’ll kiss a random girl at midnight to see if it’s any different. She’ll go home after the countdown.
I had the revelation (aha) of Isaias and Dorothy as besties and I am OBSESSED! I love Isaias but struggled with his role so I'm really happy about this. Like he practices calligraphy and writes poetry titled after his favourite plants is he not the ideal character!! Hoping this will make it easier to learn about him so we can get that fun content
Felix
Felix's is fun because he makes the best decision of his arc but also the stupidest fucking decision of his arc. He truly has the range NOBODY is doing it like him. Here's a part that mirrors the excerpt above because even when they're apart Felix and Dorothy are like hmm we Will Be Intrinsically Connected (cw: drug, vomit and sex mention sorry he's going through it!!)
Two hours before midnight and Felix is alone in the bathroom. The party he abandoned synths through the ceiling. He plays Love My Way on his Walkman. Highest volume. Eyes closed. Imagines 1987 and decides he’s going to be honest about everything and nothing. He’s going to tell strangers at bars that he studies Literature at Stanford. He’s going to date a girl and pretend he has parents to introduce her to, that he grew up on a farm in Ohio and was secretly raised atheist, lie about what lies his parents told him. He’s going to grow out his hair and and blend cyan on his eyelids and send polaroids to his father with no return address; burn his fingertips on a candle flame like Michael will burn the photos of his son. He’s going to adore himself. He’s going to quit smoking and start jogging. He’s going to fuck Pacific Heights husbands whilst their wives sleep in the master bedroom and maybe they’ll angrily call him when they’re served divorce papers and hang up when he laughs. He’s going to get promoted to Assistant Manager and not care that his job is dead-end. He’s not going to kiss anyone at midnight because he doesn’t want to. He’s going to flush the cocaine because he doesn’t want it. He’s going to stare at his reflection until it moves for him. He’s going to vomit in a minute. He’s going to pierce his right ear with a sewing needle.
Felix at the end of part one: I give no more fucks!!! I am going to do whatever I want!!! Life is too short!!!
Felix at the end of part two:
Tumblr media
[image description: screenshot of a tweet by @/idksomedumbshit. the tweet reads, "i can't mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one boys" /end id]
I do think it's iconic that this time last year Felix was a repressed Christian boy and now his dream is to be a homewrecker THAT is growth. I also got to write Felix and Jolie which was fun because they do Not like each other <3 but they respect each other <3 but only sometimes <3 They have their first little bonding moment where Jolie pierces his ear in their bathroom but then Felix says something to piss her off so Jolie is like hmm okay time to chose Violence. This dialogue is funny because Felix does not really hate himself at this stage Jolie just knows she's gonna fuck him up by saying that !! My life would be so much easier if these twins had a normal relationship with the concept of being a twin but also this story would be very boring
The needle pierces his skin and he doesn’t feel it. Only the tequila swirling behind his eyes. The sting of the light-bulb. Jolie speaks again, “but she looks just like you, doesn’t she? Not the same of course, but enough to see each other in each other. That’s the worst part, right? To see the person you hate on the face of someone you love?”
Tumblr media
[image id: a photo of the ocean with cliffs in the background, tinted orange by sunset. in the middle, in a white serif font reads "1/10/1987" /end id]
This chapter is so CUTE and also my first successful attempt at a different form that I can consistently keep in the narrative <3 I really like the idea of a fluid novel form that's adaptive to how the character's perception of the world would change which? Idk how much I can maintain that but this definitely follows it. I need to fine tune the execution but the concept is shots and transcript from a camcorder recording and playing with what the camera sees/doesn't see. The title is what the tape would be labelled, and on 1/10/1987 (american dates throw me off omfg) Beau takes Felix to a seaside town for his birthday and yes it's gay <3 but it's also just a lot of stupid dialogue which was very refreshing because I overthink dialogue so much I always think it has to have deeper meaning when sometimes its like....characters can sometimes...have Fun together. They are simply displaying Relationship Dynamics!
BEAU: Okay, give me a second…(the camera zooms on Felix) There we go! Right, okay, so it’s Saturday, January 10th, 1987, what’re doing out here today?
FELIX: What is this, an interview or something? You sound like a TV host on those morning shows.
BEAU: Oh my God no they’re so annoying, don’t compare me to those.
FELIX: No but I can imagine it perfectly. You’d just be all (holding a pretend microphone) Gooood Morrrning from sunny San Francisco! My name is Beau Teixeira and—
Beau: (laughing) Shut the fuck up!
I love this chapter a lot because you can definitely tell that their dynamic has Shifted but also! They are still just friends being friends and I really want them to just kiss already but also I love the natural progression of friends to lovers....falling in love and not realising it and then suddenly it all makes sense...
BEAU: You wanna try filming? It’s easier if you hold it on your shoulder. Like this. Put your hands where mine are.
[How their fingers whisper against each other. How Beau’s cologne smells of lime and tangerine. ]
Beau steps back into view, runs a hand through his curls. Leather jacket flutters in salted wind. Behind him the sunset flickers over waves like a candle flame. He smiles at the camera.
BEAU: I think you’re a natural! You’re definitely gonna be first choice for cameraman on my shitty morning show.
[How Felix smiles at him.]
(cw: next paragraph talks about the AIDS crisis)
Whilst this is a Fun And Cute Chapter there is more depth to it since the last time we see Beau and Felix before it is the first time they open up about the AIDS Crisis and their fears surrounding it. I have a lot of complicated thoughts about writing this part of history that I could write about all day but it boils down to the fact that "so many queer stories are centred around queer trauma and tragedy and queer people deserve to read stories centred around love and happiness" and "with a queer novel set in 1980s SF it'd be just as bad to completely ignore what happened" are two things that can coexist. I definitely think stories centred around the crisis are necessary (recently read The Prettiest Star by Carter Sickels and highly recommend! Also has a similar camcorder function and an emphasis on preserving. Also made me cry) but shouldn't be the default, especially in a story that if published would have a queer readership, so whilst it's something I want to explore I want to do it in a way that ultimately celebrates queer happiness, love and life. Definitely way more that could be said about this and the function of queer trauma in queer narratives but! Both Beau and Felix feel a need to not only capture as much as possible, but to capture it specifically with the intent to look back in the future, as well as a general We Are Going To Try And Find Happiness Wherever We Can. Also feel like a lot of Beau's character clicked whilst writing it which was very fun!
[How Beau wouldn’t say where they were going but cracked before they left San Francisco because he had too many stories to tell: five year old burning his tongue on café tea, six year old falling into waves and being unbothered, seven year old plucking chrysanthemum petals from stranger’s gardens. How Beau has an orange car freshener and missing headrest on the passengers seat. How Beau drove a longer route because it was closer to the coastline. How Beau played Pet Shop Boys’ Please and knew the words to every song. How Felix realized that he did too.]
Tumblr media
[image description: a man and a woman sit next to each other on a bench. the photo is taken from behind them. in the background, you can vaguely see water, hills and the golden gate bridge. across the image, in a white serif font reads "everything the same about dorothy and felix" /end id]
Little title explanation: part 1 has two chapters, "Everything Different about Felix" and "Everything Different about Dorothy" which introduce their relationship + impression of each other after not seeing each other in person for four years (and also how they have images of each other in their heads that are false but they're attached to and it's really not helping the whole complicated twin relationship thing but don't worry about it) and I'd like to expand on that in part two so! An attempt was made. This takes place the day after the above chapter on the twins' actual birthday, the first one they're celebrating together since they were 18 and the first one in the "outside world" so it's a moment!
I'm not happy with how this chapter came out but I think it's just because it's an important one to me! Partly because it helps cement the idea that in spite of their complex relationship, Felix and Dorothy never stop being twins and they never stop loving each other even on the days they dislike each other. But mainly because: these are two adults who lost their childhood to trauma and they finally have the freedom to live their life and! Sometimes that means living for the inner child that never got to be a child. As a certified Adult With Childhood Trauma having a chapter like this was v important because trauma never leaves you but that doesn't mean you can't be happy!! Also it's just. cute. They run around San Francisco, bake a really shitty birthday cake, talk about whether or not San Francisco is real, I want what they have. There is underlying conflict because hoo boy there is Shit simmering rn! But it was nice to have this and the previous chapter as just like. Two little golden moments you know. Calm before the storm if you will
Midnight. Dorothy lies on a mattress on the floor in an apartment in San Francisco. Her brother’s head in her lap. “You know what’s crazy to me? Nobody ever asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. That just wasn’t something we were allowed to think about. I know it’s depressing, I just think about that a lot.”
Felix keeps his eyes on the ceiling. The clock ticks. “Well, what do you wanna be when you grow up?”
“Astronaut, of course.”
“I was gonna say astronaut.”
“You definitely weren't,” she says. “Besides, I already claimed it.”
He looks at her. “I was thinking it. Before you said it, I claimed it in my mind.”
“That’s not how it works. I can’t read your mind.”
Felix sits up. “Wait, you can’t? Gee Dotty, some twin you are.” He grins. So does she.
Usually I am like. I don't think they would care too much about the twin thing. But I also think they would definitely joke about it, like if someone asked a stupid question Felix would be like "well of course we can read each others minds, dont you know how twins work?? like right now my twin sister who is my twin is thinking about giving me, her twin brother, $200" But lets end this on an excerpt where Dorothy doesn't give him $200 but she does think Oh How Did I Spend Four Years Without My Brother
(cw: death mention + missing persons mention, plane crash + boating accident mention)
Dorothy is used to his presence, has been for a year: coffee stains on the table, cupboards left open in the kitchen, clustered ashtray in the living room, hair gel and Jazz aftershave behind the bathroom mirror, Queen or Bowie or Alphaville sifting from his room. His voice. How he always knocks on her door to say goodnight. How he weaved himself into the ecosystem like air but tonight she watches her brother do nothing but breathe and she remembers waking up every January 11th in 1983, 84, 85, 86, and chucking a towel over the bathroom mirror. How she told strangers at bars that she’s an only child; or that she had a younger brother, but he died in a plane crash or a boating accident or went on a hiking trip and never came back, was likely immortalised as a John Doe in Oregon or Nevada records. How she went four years without coffee stains and open cupboards and goodnight knocks and Queen or Bowie or Alphaville renditions when he forgets that she exists in this space too. How hollow those four years were.
And that's all I have to share! I'm not sure when the next update will be, but I much prefer this format of talking about the story! If you read this far I love u <3
38 notes · View notes
rsmrymnt-tea · 2 years
Note
I do recommend Blooming Panic if you find you have the time. The writing is so good and the voice acting is just *chefs kiss*
But yeah!! It takes place in a fan server!! Much easier to be secretly dead when you don't have to see anyone in person, I'll say.
Morgen wouldn't know that they're dead. Or at least, not in the beginning. They're stuck in this cycle of go to work, come home, feed the cat, check for Bloomic updates, rinse&repeat. And then they join the server, and the people are lovely, and they've really connected to one member in particular. And suddenly they have something to look forward to after a long day of work. Suddenly their life is looking up.
There would be subtle clues, but nothing explicit: Morgen mentions how it feels like they've done the exact same task at work for the past week, how their work load hasn't diminished at all; they can't answer questions about what they had for lunch or dinner, or even how they slept (and they wonder when did they last sleep?); they apologize occasionally for sounds that the other person can't ever seem to hear; and if you look in the background of their apartment you can see a fruit bowl on the counter full of rotten fruit.
The most explicit thing would be that the closer Morgen gets to realizing the truth, the more video calls distort, the harder it is for them to talk in the server, or even interact with physical things.
I think the full potential of ghost!MC is realised on Quest's route. Because you see, MC's shitty stalkerish ex joins the server in this one. The one person in the server who knows Morgen irl...
Initially he wouldn't know that Morgen is dead. He'd harass them in the server, and generally act how he does in canon. And then Morgen spends several days at work without realizing. Time just slips them by, because they don't want to have to talk to him in the server. In the meantime he'd start looking for them irl.
And when he finds out he comes into the server absolutely furious. How dare they pretend to be his dead ex, how dare they humiliate him by letting him think they were them?!? And he'd drop the death certificate in the chat....
The angst of thinking that your life was finally getting bearable and maybe even good, only to find out that you missed your chance? Especially if the date on the certificate is recent too oml.
Anyway. Of all the LIs I could only potentially see Nightowl as willing to stay with a ghost!MC, but that's the bad ending D: They get attached to each other in such a way that Nightowl becomes the reason that Morgen is unable to move on, and he's unable to move on from them. They haunt each other!!
I do think I'll probably make Morgen's canon that they're a coma ghost trying to figure out whether they want to wake up? Though maybe for angst's sake they don't remember the server members when they wake up. Everyone having to contend with the fact that Morgen has been a ghost the entire time they've known them skdjsks
Uhh I didn't mean to talk so much about it sjdk I hope you don't find this too boring!! And y'know I think everyone has a pain or sensation that they just can't handle. Personally, I absolutely fall apart at the seams if I'm even a little bit nauseous I just can't deal with it at all. So no shame in being taken out by headaches okay? They really suck and I'm glad you're feeling a bit better.
- 🐝
Might give Blooming Panic a shot one day though for now I don’t think I should get into anything else to fixate on >.< Very glad I can’t actually play TWST or even Guild Wars 2 right now tbh I think I would just be lost to world…
And this whole concept!! It’s not boing at all asdfakdfj Even without really knowing the overall story or really what the characters are like this is so enthralling to me. Just the concept of a ghost that still functions like the living—but not quite—up until they realize what their true fate is/was?? I love it so much ;w;
Though I’m really curious as to what kind of ghost dead!Morgen is and how it sounds like they can live their life like normal and physically interact with their environment without freaking people out with the fact that they’re still ‘around’? It sounds like a mix of a lingering impression a person has in the spaces they’ve frequented and lived in, but also not quite? (Perhaps they died alone and sudden, their body yet to be found. And so they get to live as if nothing happened a bit longer, up until their body is found and the news of its discovery reaches them via the shit ex?)
The coma ghost is so interesting… I’ve never heard of that concept before!! And if it’s Thing there then that’s why Morgen can carry on with their normal life as it was when they were awake? Assuming that that’s how you’re gonna do it dsfjksdf I’d love to hear you elaborate more on how this works! Ghosts… I Am So Into It honestly, there’s always been something about the inherent tragedy of meeting and befriending a ghost that gets me >.<;; Even without really knowing what any of the characters are like it so??? The whole thing is sad for everyone, and the best ending I could see for dead!Morgen is them all helping them make peace with their fate somehow in their own way
(With the bad endings all varying from what you said with nightowl, to one of them just cutting Morgen out of their life leaving them to have this One Attachment that prevents them from moving on, Morgen passing on with the knowledge that they’re now hated by their LI, etc ;n;)
SO much potential for something like a part 2 to everything once Morgen wakes up with their memories of the LIs gone too! Thinking about how they approach Morgen after they realize that Morgen’s a come ghost about to wake up would probably depend on their interactions while they were still a ghost… Some probably choose to try and help them remember, or some act like nothing happened… Idk if any are the type but some could also just leave the server and cut ties with Morgen + everyone after that?
Anyway anyway rest assured this wasn’t boring at all!! I’m looking at the tag and realizing that this is the same ‘bloomic’ that I’ve been seeing a little bit around sometimes and feeling like an idiot for not connecting sdfjsd
2 notes · View notes
char-lotteral · 3 years
Note
Look I'm not one of those people who believe Kishimoto decided to have Hinata and Naruto end up in the middle part of Shippuden. I believe he decided in the very last arc but he wanted to sound smart so he said he decided earlier on. Otherwise, they obviously would have more scene together. In Shippuden, they have only three scenes together ; when Naruto came back, the pain attack and the neji death scene. That's it. In the original Naruto, they probably have less than ten canon scenes not including fillers.
So I'm sorry I'm one of those who wasn't convinced by The Last. They literally had a basic villain go after Hinata who was cringe btw (the villain). They gave Hinata op powers which she doesn't have in the novel 👀. Despite having op powers, they made her the damsel in distress. Very "The hero saves the princess" cliche. Again, to justify them being together. I mean Naruto can't differentiate his love for ramen and romantic love so how??? He was just being nice to Hinata just like he does to everyone. He stood up for her just like he does for everyone.
Don't get me started on the Sakura Sasuke relationship 🤣. Cringe. They never knew each other. The whole Sakura's love for Sasuke saved him doesn't make sense. They spent barely a year in their genin year before sasuke left. Sasuke tried to kill Naruto and Sakura multiple times. Then at the end of the war, Kishimoto tried to do the "oh they have such a deep understanding between each other" which comes off as cringey. He gets her pregnant then leaves for years. She's literally a single mom who's broke.
Every relationship in Naruto is so cringey and forced except shikatemari. Kishimoto should've focused on the main story and fixed his potholes and leave the ending open.
Naruto would not have been perfect but at least it would've been remembered for staying true to its vision but instead it's remembered for cringey relationships, dumbass villain (except pain and madara) and a story that lost its core which is a shame coz I used to love Naruto. I was inspired by its messages but now....
Tumblr media
OKAY LOL WAIT I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS LONG ASS RANT PREPARED XD
BUT FIRST Ive read what you said and I lowkey agree :p
HOWEVER
I DRAW THE LINE AT TONERI SLANDER. BECAUSE WHY
TONERI?? CRINGE?? THIS SEXY MOTHERFUCKER??
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
LOOK AT HIS WHITE FLUFFY HAIR AND HIS CERULEAN BLUE ORBS STARING DEEPLY INTO YOUR SOUL
SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW?!#*@*#&@*
okay lol now for the juicy part click readmore and beware I shall be brutally honest so yea enjoy
I mean, Naruto in general is a mess, not just the ships if we're being realistic. Alot of plotholes, rushed endings, this and that, the w a r a r c, Kaguya, the way they rushed Boruto ehhh. Honestly, getting into Naruto is literally my biggest regret of 2020 :"DD
Im an NH shipper as you can tell by my hotmess of a blog but i fully respect your opinion and understand your point of view. I also know a bunch of nh stans who have their complaints with their development. I wish Kishi gave more attention to his female cast really, thats all I fucking ask. If he did that one single basic thing, then maybe the endgame relationships wouldnt have been an asspull and theyd be given propper screentime with their love interest, both Sakura and Hinata. The Last tbh i think the writers played it safe and stuck to the whole Naruto shounen vibe thingy, so im not surprised it was plotted that way. Typical cliché shounen movie.
But does that bother me? No! The Last was a mess, their development was shit, they definitely needed more screentime but hey at the end of the day theyre cute as fuck, we have that kiss scene, flirting scenes, a shit ton of official art, three kids, Seiki's gif :33 and a whole ass arc for their wedding all that for just a shounen anime so eh. Compensates for it i guess xD theyre not toxic, unhealthy or whatnot. Theyre wholesome, soft and vanilla as fuck and exactly what i need in my hectic life rn. No drama, just two kind souls who are adorable as heck and theyre dynamic means so much to me and I will love them until i shall leave this earth.
Anon, im not even gonna waste my time and defend their development because i think it sucked too xD but if you wanna know why i love them so so so soooo much, Id be more than willing to tell you :33
Sasuke and Sakura on the other hand eeeehhhh i can see why people like them. Sasuke's hot, he's your typical hot bad boy aad Sakura's hot and pretty too. Basic blue and pink trope. Aside from their canon interactions, fans have all the opportunity to play around with their dynamic but for me, its just sooo basic and so hetero and can easily appeal to any 16 yr old teenage girl, no wonder it has an active fanbase on twt and---- AM I MAKING ANY SENSE? AHDBAJJE LIKE ITS SO-- BASIC, your usual bad boy x pretty girl trope that you get to read in YA and coming of age novels. Not only that, but going back to canon, they have too many negative interactions for me to like them together :p The least Sakura can do is put down her own foot and yell at him for not contacting them for god knows how long. I also dont like how he always gets easily forgiven >=[[. I mean at least He's compensating as a dad good for him but ehhhh i still dont like him and Sakura together :v And im not falling for that "Sakura is the reason why Sasuke isnt lonely anymore" because thats NARUTO AHHH. Sasuke said that Multiple times. HE LIGHTS A FIRE INSIDE OF ME. HES MY SUN. MY ONE AND ONLY FRIEND. LIEK?? THATS NARUTOOO romantic or not, Naruto was the reason for his not so lonely existence anymore smh >=[[
Sasuke almost murdered her and Naruto and made their lives a living hell but hey its all good!! He's my best friend and Sakura loves him!! So set him freeee into the worldddd~~
Sasuke left his family without even simply contacting them but can easily contact Naruto through a hawk but hey thats fine! His and Sakura's feelings are connected afterall! Sasuke gave her a ring and said thank you! Who cares about leaving your family. She loves him and he loves her so yey!!! All is forgiven :D
DID I MENTION SASUKE ALMOST MUREDERED HIS OWN DAUGHTER AND HE WASNT CALLED OUT FOR THAT@*#&@??!?#,*@#,#
Sasuke gets too many life points this isnt fair >=[[ But tbh he's nerfed so bad in Boruto manga and anime power wise. Like in that time travel arc and the manga. The rinnegan kunai thing was still so funny to me even if it was Borushiki. I just idk its so funny to me lmaoo
OKAY WHAT ELSE. I dont even know any more. Im tired of complaining about Naruto and just when Ive finally gone a little bit away from Naruto, Hinata fucking pulls me in again 😩 she has me on chokehold pls send help. Watch castlevania!!! and one piece!!!! ten times better than this anime about a loud blonde boi who wants to be president. Trust me
overall, i dont fully agree but i lowkey agree i guess. I do respect your opinion tho :))
EXCEPT WHEN YOU CALLED TONERI CRINGE. HOW DARE YOU CALL THAT SEXY MF CRINGEY---
16 notes · View notes
generationxkilljoy · 3 years
Text
folklore and fearless parallels
HI TUMBLR IT'S BEEN A MINUTE BUT I'M BACK AND I GOT A THEORY
okay so obviously i haven't used my tumblr in years but i had a shower thought tonight and it's very important and i NEED TO SHARE. this is a long one but bear with me, it’s worth it.
so you'll never tell by looking at me but i love taylor swift, adore her, wish i was her best friend tbh. one of her most endearing traits is obviously her ability to draw so many lyrical parallels and callbacks in her music it's not even funny. the easter eggs in the swift universe are abundant and neverending. and i'm sorry if i'm late to the party on this one but HEAR ME OUT.
(side note: yes, i know so many people have already elaborated on the stories behind folklore. i haven’t caught up on all of them honestly, so for the most part, this is outside of what’s been confirmed or theorized already, but this theory a good one, i promise. my bad if i get anything wrong about the characters, but like i said, i’m not up on all that since i’m super busy, so i’m just running with what i know :) however, those of you who started on all the theories a long time ago, you all are badass.)
SO i had betty stuck in my head last night right, just singing to myself in the shower, minding my own business, when i was like... heeeeyyyy... that line.. that line about the garden... it sounds familiar... so i thought for a second and i was like "okay, what taylor song comes to mind when i imagine a garden?"
let’s set the scene, shall we? in my mind, this garden is a sprawling, enchanting garden filled with wildflowers and hedge mazes and fountains galore. the kind of garden dreams are made of okay? now, where else have we heard of a garden where magical, lovely things happen? answer. two words.
LOVE. STORY.
okay so let me exPLAIN. i know there's the whole love triangle narrative thing, but... I think James is the Romeo in “Love Story,” and the song “Betty” is telling his side to the story that Juliet sings in “Love Story.” Therefore, making Juliet.. Betty.
BOOM. you following? of course you are, you like taylor swift. you are the master of fan theories, hell yes. okay? great, so now before you all say i'm crazy, check out the lyrical parallels cause i brought the receipts baby.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
First, we have the key word: garden.
•  The garden is where we see both pairs of lovers connect at their most pivotal moments. In Love Story, it's the early stage of their relationship where they sneak out to see each other, and subsequently fall in love. 
•  In Betty, clearly the narrator KNOWS of some garden and longs to go back there so he can win Betty's heart over after he made a mistake. It would make sense for the garden to be a place with past memories and trust that James knows well in his relationship with Betty, because when he’s there trying to apologize, James could then remind Betty of all the good things they had in the garden before he messed up.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
NEEEXT we have the characters’ ages and their connection to the summer.
•  Both Juliet and James remember being young when they met the people they love, or Romeo and Betty, respectively. Though Love Story never names an age specifically, having the characters be seventeen would make sense because Romeo and Juliet have trouble getting permission to see each other, which is not unusual for teenagers. Plenty of seventeen year olds sneak out and find places (like gardens) to meet and spend whatever time they can with the person they have a crush on. Also, it would be hard for Romeo to marry Juliet without getting her dad’s permission if they were only teenagers, hence the part where Romeo talks to her dad for his blessing.
•  Now, let’s go back in time for a moment, and remember the music video for Love Story. In the video, Romeo and Juliet are both teenagers, or at least it’s safe to assume given that they’re carrying books around and studying under trees, as high schoolers do on occasion I guess??
•  Also, Juliet and James both remember meeting their lovers in the summer and having most of their romances happen then. Though I think I've read somewhere that James was with the other girl (August? Augustine?) in the summer... it would make sense for him and Betty to also fall in love during that time. Summer loves are a storybook romance for teenagers and a theme Taylor has written about before, and it would explain why Betty was so upset and hurt by James’s betrayal if she also fell in love with James during that summer. If Betty were Juliet, then her memories of being on the “balcony in summer air” falling in love with James would surely have been important, and explained her anger later on for losing what they had then.
•  Next point, Love Story mentions a party and seeing the guy come through the crowd. If “Betty” were a movie, set narratively in a similar way that Love Story is, you can't tell me it wouldn't be the perfect ending for James to come rushing through the crowd to beg Betty to take him back, being parallel to them meeting at a party in the first place. RIGHT? perfect ending to a movie tbh.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Finally, the last big clue. The big moment in both of these songs.
So you’ve made it this far? Hell yeah! I appreciate you! Now is the grand finale. Let the games begin.
• So in the bridge of Love Story, Juliet is finally tired of Romeo’s BS and she’s ready to let go of their relationship, not unlike Betty being angry and upset for what James did. Now, Romeo, being the smooth little devil he is, shows up at the last minute and surprises Juliet, proposing to her.
• James, on the other hand, has been meticulously planning how he can win Betty back after doing her wrong. Now, maybe I’m thinking a bit ambitious here for a teenage relationship, but we all know how badly we wanted to spend forever with the people we loved when we were that age (and maybe, if you’re lucky, you have). When James speaks about planning something, what if he’s decided the only way to show his commitment to Betty once and for all is to ask her to marry him? After all, in the next chorus, he says “Will you have me? Will you love me?” I dunno about you, but that sure sounds like old school wedding vows. “To have and to hold?” “To love and to cherish?” I feel some word correlations going on here. Also, like I said, who didn’t dream of marrying their high school sweetheart and living happy ever after? “If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it.....”
• Now, let’s tie up some loose ends here and go back to where we started it all. The garden. First, let’s analyze the line “when I met you on the outskirts of town.” Obviously, Romeo and Juliet know this secret meeting spot on the outskirts of town well, and its so iconic to them that its the first place Juliet thought of to meet Romeo when she decided to run away with him. Now, earlier in the song, what does Juliet say? 
“I sneak out to the garden to see you.” 
SOooOoO bringing it all home folks, WHERE ELSE would the climax of this story possible happen other than THE GARDEN. It is the perfect spot for Romeo to propose, making it the fairytale ending where Romeo and Juliet get to be together forever. Furthermore, they could have been sneaking away from the party seen in the music video to the garden as well.
And in what other song do we hear about a boy hoping to sneak away from a party to go to a garden where the girl he loves will trust him again and forgive him and everything will be okay for them in the end?
Oh, you already know baby. It’s Betty.
The climactic moment in their song is obviously when James gets the courage to show up at the party and fight for Betty’s love. He’s hoping she’ll take him to the garden and trust him after all he’s done, because he’s planning to show he is committed to her and loves her. So... did James.... therefore... propose to Betty in a garden just like Romeo did in Love Story if the garden was in fact the place they met on the outskirts of town?
And I digress, James is Romeo and Betty is Juliet, and “Love Story” is telling Betty’s perspective of what happened in their relationship, while “Betty” is telling James’s point of view.
I know, I know, there are sooo many confirmed theories about the stories told in folklore, and like I said, I have been very busy with school and work so I haven’t been able to catch up on all of them, so I’m sorry if I’m way out of left field and probably not right here. BUT do you see the parallels? Where I’m coming from? “Betty” and “Love Story” both bring up the same imagery and scenes in my mind, and it just makes sense that they’re so similar everybody. Not to mention, the sound of folklore calls back a lot of nostalgia and old school country feels. It definitely reminds me of Fearless sonically.
Closing thought, even the queen herself said in the Long Pond sessions that she believed James and Betty had their happily ever after in the end. We have it confirmed in “Love Story” that Romeo and Juliet probably got married and were together forever after all they went through, so what if that’s true for Betty and James as well? Did Taylor have any of this in mind when writing “Betty” 12 years (ahem... which is very close to 13...) after “Love Story” came out? Probably not, you’re right, it’s a long shot. BUT she is so good at planning things and drawing such ingenious parallels through her albums that they damn near play out like movies and I wouldn’t put it past her for a minute. 
Taylor, whether I am right or wrong, this is the first theory I’ve ever come up with on my own about your music, and it was fun as hell writing all of it down either way. Personally, I will vouch for my theory and think of it every time I hear these songs because to me, your music plays like a movie, and now that I’ve thought of this, it just looks too damn cool in my mind to forget about it lmao. I really hope you see this cause I would love to hear what you think. Thank you so much for writing such amazing albums and being a badass woman.💙✨
@taylorswift​
26 notes · View notes