#I can’t trust anything anymore

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly. #if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know??? #but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

[hahahaillmurderyou]

A close friend of mine has scammed me and hundreds of other people out of thousands of pounds and the news is finally hitting the b/s/t community. They’ve gone to ground and honestly? I just can’t believe I fell for it. I trusted them because they’re such a close friend, but they turned out to be a fucking liar and scammer. I feel like such an idiot, like such a fool for believing all their lies and excuses and giving them the benefit of the doubt for the past two years when all of this started happening. I just can’t believe it. It’s not even about the money, money comes back. It’s about trust. They knew I already didn’t trust people because of shit that happened to me and they used that and I’m so fucking stupid that I fell for it hook line and sinker. And I can’t tell anyone irl because it’s so shameful. I feel like such an idiot and I just don’t know how I’ll trust people again for a long time. Idk.

Feel free to message me if you want their insta handle, I just want to be done with this now.

#scammers #safe to say they’re not my friend anymore #I thought I could trust them #but obviously I can’t #I just feel like such an idiot #i honestly don’t think I’ll ever join group orders or anything like that again #it’s ruined my already fragile trust in people #sisterofsomeone yapping #stray kids #seventeen #svt #skz

[stewyonmolly]

frankieeee im making soup tonight for a dinner party but idk what soup to make What is your favorite soup recipe!

OOOH GOOD QUESTION. splitting this up so awkwardly bc i said so much… also full disclosure i was vegan for 5 years until a year ago so most of the soups i make nowadays are still at least vegetarian 😔 unless you don’t eat meat in which case 😄

you can never go wrong with a classic minestrone imo which is basically a broth of your choosing with whatever vegetables you have on hand (https://ricette.giallozafferano.it/Minestrone-di-verdure.html)

but i’m also a big fan of coconut milk-based soups such as https://ohmyveggies.com/thai-pumpkin-soup-recipe/

or a good chicken soup with a hefty amount of dill ❤️

i think you can never go wrong with anything that has a root vegetable base (potatoes, pumpkin, winter squashes, etc) and i love anything i can add loads of ginger to!!

some fav soups of mine are carrot and ginger (exactly what it sounds like, i roast carrots and fresh ginger with oil salt pepper and it would be mad delish with curry powder too & blend it up with broth and you could totally add cream or milk),

pastina with chicken broth and tons of grated cheese (i follow my heart when making it there’s no recipe but it’s comfort food),

oooh you could even do a broth started with sautéed zucchini in a pan (onions, some sort of cured meat if you’re a meat eater, that type of stuff) and pasta!!!

my mom did a lot of soups growing up perché siamo napoletane and that’s peasant food so OH MY GOD LENTIL SOUP. LENTIL SOUP. carrot celery onion lentils add some fresh greens once boiling maybe some chopped tomatoes…

my mom also made this awesome mushroom soup with quinoa kale spinach and cinnamon when i was sick last year and it healed me (spiritually).

escarole soup obvs http://www.christopherpless.com/recipe/zuppa-di-scarola/ also

zuppa di ceci chickpea soup was an absolute STANDARD in my house we usually didn’t blend it (whole chickpeas https://ricette.giallozafferano.it/Zuppa-di-ceci.html) but it can totally be blended too (https://www.italianfoodforever.com/2009/11/zuppa-di-ceci-creamy-chickpea-soup/)… i could go on

#i LOVED to see this ask it made my day. soup strega (me) #if any of the recipes linked have oregano i’ll kms i don’t really use recipes for anything so i just grabbed what i could find for examples #my mom trusts ​giallo zafferano’s italian recipes so i do by extension #i can’t eat most asian soups as i have this stupid allergy which makes me allergic to soy coconut all leafy greens all beans and legumes #and seaweed #but i fucking love chickpeas lentils they’re like best friends from childhood i don’t speak to anymore #i have yet to explore fish soups esp since i can’t have soy seaweed etc maybe i’ll have to go northern euro for that

[painted-kneecaps]

i’ve been bedridden with the flu or something for 4 days with almost no human contact. naturally this means i am now 5 seasons deep in Doctor Who and losing my goddamn mind

#what the hell is going on #my internal dialogue is a british man talking at a million words per second #i would say i’m not smart enough for a plot this intricate #but to be honest i don’t think even the writers know what’s going on anymore #plus the doctor is history’s most unreliable narrator i can’t trust anything he says

[pepprs]

prefacing this by saying im fine and its whatever and im mostly numb to it. but it kinda fucking sucks that being gaslit about my own sexuality leads to… doubting my own sexuality lol!

#purrs #just went to my first ever lavender graduation ceremony and had a convo w my dad after that touched on the EXACT horrors lol like i need to #learn to not bring this shit up around my parents bc they’re just gonna say the same things. and also it doesn’t matter bc idc about labels #and (to quote ricky) it’s a conversation not a constant. but like fucking hell. just bc ive never ‘’’’’’been with anybody’’’’’’ doesn’t #mean that i can’t know im not straight. the HORRIFIC psychic damage that did to me 5 years ago this month. the way i can’t think about #sexuality or being part of the lgbtq community since and like before then when that happened i thought i was a lesbian and was gonna try to #get involved with the school lgbtq student union . like it’s so ficking stupid and sad. and i can’t trust myself anymore i can’t tell if #anything ive ever felt for anyone is actually real bc according to my (straight and biphobic) parents ‘crushes don’t count’ and i haven’t #even had a crush in months anyway and yeah ive never ‘been with’ anybody. but like god damn. you DO NOT get to tell me i have to call myself #questioning. yeah im questioning but only i can call it that and only if i want to. i get to know me. i get to call me what i am. which also #means i get to work through the years of psychic damage this thread of conversation coming from my own parents has done to me #but i own that. i want to own that. ive had the feelings i have had. maybe they were wrong and misplaced and maybe there are other ways to #interpret them like me jus t having projection issues and whatever. but they were real to me and are real to me and shape how i show up #every single day. i get to know myself. i get to call myself what i am. even though you’re my parents you don’t get to tell me that. and you #should be sorry for how fucked in the head this has made me and how cut off i have become from other people who have felt what i have felt #and from the parts of myself that felt and hurt and loved. like lolllll. i was in a good mood and then that happened and now my heart hurts. #delete later #like i don’t talk abt this shit anymore for a reason 🤪✌️ i am not involved in lgbtq groups or communities online or offline for a reason 🤪✌️ #and it’s yet another manifestation of impostor syndrome too like. ppl wonder why im like this…. there is a very good reason 💖

[p0is0n-is-th3-cur3]

I thought I could trust him he sided with her

#tw vent #vent #tw abuse #tw neglect #tw betrayal #why would he do that #I can’t trust him #why why why #I cant tell him anything anymore

[alexnooah]

.

#literally gonna fucking end it rn #my fucking god #do you ever get evicted because your mom died so you lost your job #and then in the process of finding a new job your landlords kick your partner out of your house #after saying 3 times that they could move in #and then give both of you covid #and then because you had to cancel every single fucking job interview you had you still don’t have a job #so you can’t fully pay rent #so your landlord says you can set up a payment plan #and you give them $500 and now have -$30 in your bank account because of course #so what do they do? knowing that you currently have no job and no income? they evict you #i have paid my rent on time every fucking month #i never make noise #i never complain even tho trust there’s lots to complain about #the worst thing i’ve done in their eyes is use the dryer after 9pm #but instead of getting a second chance or anything i get them at my door smiling and giddy to evict me #i’m done i can’t do this anymore #maybe the world isn’t a good place and people aren’t kind and everything is fucking meaningless #maybe i’ve spent my whole life being a pathetic fool for thinking otherwise #anyways that all hehe #el em ay oh

[seilon]

been having an overwhelming on and off feeling of dread all day over the thought of opening my email or getting a text or whatever and it’s Yet Another job rejection. like good god that’d fucking kill me

#I’m so tired of this dude #like I was pretty confident about this but. idk I’ve been turned down so many fucking times now and places have gotten my hopes up #just to let me down every single time and I just can’t help but feel like rejection is inevitable. cause im always rejected #note: I have been applying for jobs since January and have gotten exactly two (2) interviews that whole time. #kibumblabs #it’s only been a day but. idk #I am not going to be able to truly rest until I know the outcome despite how much I am dreading the possible outcome #and I don’t feel good reassuring myself and telllng myself it went well because that’d just be setting me up for a bigger letdown #man I wish they just gave me some kind of assurance on the spot #I think it isn’t helping that I’ve been super isolated recently #only one of my friends irl has been talking to me the last two weeks or so #and I know it’s realistically probably because school started but. idk no texts or anything #considering how things have gone this year overall mainly re: my ex and what he tells people I just feel like it’d be on brand at this #point for them to all want to stop associating with me and cut me off like my ex did and one of my close childhood friends did this year #I really don’t trust anyone anymore and I wish I could but when things are dead silent for a week or more it becomes kinda impossible #I wonder if any of them will talk to me voluntarily any time soon #I am not confident #lots of waiting lots of being alone lots of nothing

[sweetbunanarchy]

Every day I miss Anarchy Reigns like it’s not even funny at this point-

#and I will only even mention it by name here or to my twin bc I don’t trust people #that damn bird’s nest is a whole ass nother breed AYDBDKBF #but yeah I don’t even be thinking about my own fuckin OCs like that anymore #mans Jack just living rent free 24/7 in my head now I hate this shit UAVSKDBDKF #platinuuuuum I’ll forgive you for b3 if you just…AT LEAST RERELEASE IT MAN PLEASE IM BEGGING IM FUCKING DYING OUT IN THESE STREETS PLEASE #like I can’t even say anything constructive about it bc that shit’s been out FOR YEARS #no updates or nOTHING BRO #FUCKING SOBBING #bun talks

[bunnyhospice]

#vent art #ventcore #animecore #anime art #anime sketch #dollcore #otakucore #my art #artists on tumblr #digital art #weebcore #morute #sketch #when did people get the idea that they can just tell me anything. im exhausted #i just wanted to talk to someone but i can’t do that without being told how to run my life. so whatever. i don’t trust anyone anymore #softcore

[whimsyprinx]

gonna be blunt and just say that people make me feel like I’m not worth any effort or that I’m just a joke and I’m really sick of it

#whimsy whispers #I usually just say this in tags but why not just make an upfront post about it #y’all make me feel ignored or like I’m not worth speaking to #even if I did say something about it it wouldn’t change anything #it’s so many people and it’s all the time and I just am tired of it I don’t even want to talk or try anymore #im like literally better off talking to my stuffed animals or the cats #at least I know that they don’t reply because they can’t #I feel like a lame joke #so like to stop feeling like a bother I’ve simply stopped bothering #the only people I really talk to anymore are people who talk to me first #and not even in a ‘I’ll only take if spoken to first’ thing anymore like #even if people were to talk to me now at this point I don’t know if I’d trust anyone actually cares or if they just saw my post and assumed #it was about them #which probably it is! but like that’s not the point #I don’t want people to talk to me because they see my post venting about this shit #I just want people to actually give a shit I don’t want to put energy into a friendship that feels like it’s useless to other people #I don’t want to talk to someone or a group of people that just ignores everything I say #so like yeah yay I’m sorry so many posts are on this topic it’s just an all the time kind of feeling and it’s not something I can just get #over #like how do you get over feeling like the majority of the people you think of as friends don’t even want you in their lives? #I don’t even know what to do to make myself worth peoples time #I don’t complain to people if i can help it anymore because I know that’s annoying and that people probs dislike me because I’m always sad #I try talking more and nothing improves I try talking less and nothing improves #it just feels like maybe people would be better off if I stopped trying #i don’t even feel like my best friend wants me in their life anymore or like my roommate(s) even like me #much less any of my other friends #im just tired of it all I just want to feel/be liked and loved ig #and I’m sorry to like place blame on people I always feel bad for feeling how I do because I want to believe no one actually feels this way #about me or makes me feel this way on purpose and don’t want to paint people as bad friends because they’re not I just like don’t know how #to deal or do better to be liked ig. anyways this is the last tag cause i hit the limit lol

[munamania]

still hits… a little…

#i’m never thinking about season 4 though ever. this is about will and el #this is about will i’m here and i love you so much i love you more than anything in the world. and it’s about hopper thinking about sarah #and desperately trying to resuscitate him. okay. #abby talks #we went from tear you apart to this i can’t trust shuffle anymore #Spotify

[iceicewifey]

¨

#i am quite literally at my wits end #i have never felt this felt this fucking terrible and i cannot get it to go away #i don’t know what to do about it but i literally cannot take this anymore #i have felt like shit for months straight and it just keeps progressively getting worse #i can’t see a way out of this #i’ve felt so disconnected for so long #i wish i could just disappear. fall off the face of the earth never to be seen again #i’d be out of everybody’s hair then and nobody would have to worry about my big dumb ass bothring them #because i know that’s all i ever do #and i’m sorry #i’m sorry for being a shitty mutual #i’m sorry for taking so long to work on commissions too. it’s really annoying and i don’t have an excuse #all i ever do is cry anymore. and complain. #trust me i hate me too and i can’t blame you at all if you don’t like me #i’m an inconvenience. i know. #it’s so hard to stay alive #joining the 27 club was a joke but man i don’t think i can do this #i’m not gonna do anything ​i have people around me. i just needed to let this out.

[milkteahoe]

Ugh I very much disagree with the pod about the sa scene esp if they’re not going to discuss it more s2 is definitely is not a ‘girls front and center’ show anymore and accepting that allows analysis into the ways how the rest of the time on the boys island was affected by it that makes it not ‘just a plot device’

It’s like the urge to condemn the existence of the scene overpowers any potential discussion to be had from it and there is so much (albeit in later episodes so we’ll see how it factors in) that happens later on as a direct result that creating a black hole around it muddles the picture the exact way Gretchen’s team was unable to make sense of the boys behaviours from day 15 onwards

#no attempted murder would not be sufficient to create the rift that we got #if it were me I would’ve read as much analyses as possible to form my opinion and this critique this long after the season #it’s not as informed as it could have been #but it’s also how there’s a list of trust between writers and watchers and we can’t trust that analysis would come to anything anymore #we can’t know what they intended and what they didn’t #waffle #the wilds #literally what could the show have said that makes any sort of statement with similar impact that would divide the boys and say something #about male behaviour #I don’t know #definitely not fucking murder #there is no ambiguity with murder and one’s word against another would have none of the impact this has #sa is the only unambiguously evil crime that is reliant on one’s word #this has all been said and could have been thought threw #through #just bc it’s a shared sentiment to like avoid or not think more deeply bc your knee jerk reaction is to dismiss its importance?? #doesn’t mean it’s like conducive to an exercise in podcasting about jt #maybe I’m comparing this to fathoms deep which is a great podcast about a superior show

[roszabell]

another sobbing fight w my parents last night, woke up w a headache and feeling sick this morning. when can i leave

#personal personal #i feel like this should have a cw but i don’t even know #my mom. says the most incredibly hurtful things to me in rants and i can only sit there feeling frozen. #then when she finally shuts up i start to cry and tell her how hurtful and inconsistent her words are with what she tells me most of the tim #and then. she cries and wants to hug and hold my face and asks for forgiveness feeling awful. #i nod but i don’t have it in me anymore to keep letting myself fall for this emotional manipulation #last night she said that she’s so lucky that her daughter is so forgiving. i’m tired #she says that she only says those things because she’s angry that i’m not recovering and she’s upset that she can’t do anything to help. #but how do you thinking ranting at me with all the things i can’t do and all the things she doesn’t trust me to get done #and will give to my sister first because she thinks i simply don’t care enough about her chores she gives me #and it always starts with my parents speaking aggressive towards each other and then the conversation gets turned on me so i can’t #leave them to duke it out in peace #i’m not in a dangerous situation by any means but i just. want to move out. i love them but i can’t have this constantly #held above my head or anxiously looking out for the next explosion #rant.

[quadrilioquy]

“create for yourself, not just for others!” okay but how

#i don’t WANT to draw just for myself anymore i barely ever really truly feel like it and i hate that #i miss drawing and i want to want to do it but i basically only every feel like it when i’m like ‘oh this person would like this’ #it’s more about creating for an audience than it is for approval which is good i guess #idk #i feel very small and stupid creatively speaking #i’ve never been particularly original when it comes to character design #and i get bored of all my story ideas if i try to actually do anything with them #i feel flat and trite. #disclaimer that it is past 9pm so i can’t trust how i feel about my life and i’m aware of that #but i still am feeling how i feel about my life :( #not to mention on those rare occasions where i do get a burst of motivation i have to stop it prematurely!! #if i go slow and steady i’ll get bored and/or hate what i’m doing but if i don’t i’ll hurt myself #god i’m talking about like three different things here. #i don’t feel creative. i don’t know how not to create for an audience. my attention span is fleeting and my body’s limit is reached so fast #i want to make something lasting but i don’t want to put the work in! #and that’s it isn’t it? i want to make something. i don’t even have any specific story i want to tell #i just want to make something but i don’t actually feel like it!! an inconvenient combination #idk. i’ll feel better tomorrow probably #negative #my posts #cosmic don’t look