#I can’t emotionally or physically maintain anything the way I want to because of my stupid head

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hi, it's Lyn. I really liked the fanfics you wrote me! Um, if it's okay, can I request a fic with Howl X female reader, where the female reader has a breakdown because her family is falling apart (parents won't talk to each other/emotionally divorced, father is distant, mother is unkind and angry, sister is always aggressive) and Howl comforts her? Things are really tough for me right now so I kinda need some comfort like that, if it's okay?

Also, um, I don't go by Lyn anymore, I go by Aoife/Angel (yeah, I'm pretty indecisive when coming up with a name)

Hi Aofie! Thank you for your request! This was actually really therapeutic to write since I've been going through a bit of a rough period as well. I hope this helps you get through this tough time. I hope you like the fic!

Fandom: Howl's Moving Castle

Characters: Howl Pendragon x gn! Reader

Word Count: 0.6k (684 words)

You sat in your room, feet hanging off the side of your bed as you tried not to cry.

You could feel the heat behind your eyes and any hopes you had of distracting yourself from your rising emotions was dashed by the fact that you could no longer see properly through the wave of tears that was just being held back.

You’d had enough.

You curled in on yourself, almost tipping off the bed in the process. Squeezing your eyes shut, you let the tears fall freely as you took great gasping intakes of breath between sobs.

You hoped crying would make you feel better but at the moment, you felt pretty awful, both mentally, physically, and emotionally.

You were so caught up in your own roiling thoughts that you didn’t hear the footsteps until the bed sunk down next to you and there was a hand rubbing your back in comforting circles.

You sniffed and, through everything, you caught the distinctive smell of Howl’s cologne. You turned to him, keeping your face lowered and planted your face in his lap, wrapping your arms weakly around his waist.

Howl brought his other hand to your head, scratching slowly at your scalp while maintaining the circles on your back with his other hand.

You weren’t sure how long you lay there, letting all of your emotions out. All you knew was that when you finally couldn’t cry anymore, there was a wet patch where your face had been resting.

Howl must have felt you stir because his hands paused and he leaned down so his mouth was closer to your ear.

“Feeling any better?” He kept his voice low and gentle.

You sniffed in response, not sure yet whether you felt any different.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

There was a long period of silence and you considered this. Just as you heard Howl take a breath as if to speak, you broke the silence.

“My family’s falling apart. My mum and dad aren’t talking to each other. My mum’s angry all the time. My dad’s distant. My sister’s aggressive.” You couldn’t stop talking now that you had opened the floodgates, “I can’t take it anymore. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this.” With a shuddering breath, you fell back into Howl’s lap, fresh tears flowing from your eyes.

Howl resumed rubbing circles on your back. He remained quiet but you could almost hear him thinking about the right way to respond to everything you had just told him.

After another long silence, he spoke. “I’m glad you told me. My relationship with my family is quite different to yours so I won’t claim to know how you feel. But I can imagine something that I hope is close to how you’re feeling.”

Another pause. Then he leant down and pressed a kiss to your head. Keeping his lips close, he lowered his voice to a whisper. “I’m here if you need anything. Want to talk? Want to scream and cry? Want me to distract you? Anything. I’m here for you. Things will get better.”

You had stopped crying and, at Howl’s words, felt a weak smile tug at your mouth. You were grateful you had such a supportive boyfriend.

He patted your back. “Come on. Up you hop. Let me see your lovely face.”

You hesitated, almost laughing. “I’ve just been crying. I certainly don’t have a lovely face at the moment.”

“Nonsense.” Howl lifted you from his lap and, holding you by the shoulders, examined your face with loving care, “You always have a lovely face.”

Your weak smile was back, this time a bit stronger than before.

“How about we go and wash your face and I’ll make a snack for you. Then you’ll feel like a brand new person.”

You nodded, feeling how raw your face and eyes were. “That sounds nice. Thank you.”

Howl smiled, getting to his feet and holding out a hand for you. “Think nothing of it sweetheart. It’s the least I can do for the person who holds my heart.”

#writing #fanfic #fanfic request #request #howl's moving castle #howl's moving castle x reader #howl pendragon #howl pendragon x reader #howl jenkins #howl jenkins x reader

[izzyspussy]

You said asks so NO PRESSURE but since you said S1 RoyJamie I now can’t stop trying to imagine it with a more realistic Roy and/or whatever other departures from the zeitgeist you would enact 👀 👀 👀 if you wanted to say anything more about that that would be exciting

Okay so, re: my tags about it being different than everyone else's that you eyeballed like. Maybe I'm just too aromantic for All This, but the biggest reason I usually don't love the season 1 royjamies that are already out there is because I feel like they warm up to each other emotionally and catch feelings and all that way too fast and imho without much actual romancing? Like, they have sex a few times and then they're like okay I was totally wrong you've never done anything wrong in your life. Which like honestly....... boring.

And my second biggest issue is usually more with Jamie's characterization than Roy's! (I mean I do always wish people wouldn't slough off a lot of Roy's anger and other various Problems and all, but that's consistent lmao). But like season 1 fics make Jamie such a woob and a sadsack and take away his agency quite a bit, like all his bad behavior is someone else's fault - and like, okay, to a degree, I GUESS, but like...... idk man him having a reason to act that way doesn't make it less of a choice that he made.

I also think there's way too much emphasis on him being protected and rescued, which like, listen. I love a good romantic rescue as much as the next guy, but it was also something I really loved in the show that Jamie got to defend himself. He got to decide to be fed up, he got to fight back. And!! He always had a belligerent do-your-worst attitude, which he maintained all the way up through season 3 to the end!! I love that about him and I find it lacking in general, but especially in season 1 fics when it should be most present, when Jamie has the most people and reason to be defensive.

Anyway, back to the first thing. I do think that having sex with each other would change their perspectives of each other significantly, but not necessarily toward romance or even friendship. Like, their Feelings develop totally independently of their physical relationship! Besides which, I feel like there's this really interesting stage in any enemies-to-whatever type of relationship, especially when it starts with a (literal) Bang, where they stop seeing each other as The Enemy and start seeing each other as a living, breathing, vulnerable human being who they happen to be enemies with. And I feel like in a lot of enemies-to-whatever things that stage is sorely neglected, and I think it would be an ESPECIALLY interesting - and vital - stage for royjamie.

So if (IF) I ever wrote one myself, it would still start with a literal Bang. They'd impulsively have sex. Not exactly hate sex, because neither of them can really hate someone they're having sex with - but that's the perspective shift isn't it. They can't hate each other anymore, but that doesn't mean they start to like each other or even really care that much about each other.

So anyway, they would sleep together, and they'd both be way different in bed than they thought the other would be. And they're a little bit mean, not quite in a fun sexy way, but not quite enough to be hurtful either. And then they'd do it again a few times, and they'd be vastly humanized to each other. But they'd still be just coworkers with workplace tension who are fucking and also sometimes Jamie stays for dinner just because they both get lonely and it's only polite for whoever lives in the place they're at to offer. They're slightly more than tolerating each other. They're empathizing with each other and being incredibly intimate - off the clock - and it's a bit weird but a bit not weird and they're just going with it because. well. what else are you gonna do.

And then I'd have them stop sleeping together when Jamie gets transferred, without ever moving into that What Are We stage nevermind any further along than that. And then they become friends, semi-long distance. Texting and stuff. Kind of like the fic Waterfalls, which idr but might be gen. But also I'd probably have it even more of a slow burn than that, at least wrt Roy learning about James. Just because like... another thing I feel like happens a lot is that people have Character A find out about James and then suddenly they like Jamie after that and all. And I don't really like that either, I liked that they had all bonded at least a little before That Whole Thing in canon as well, and I'd want to keep that. OR maybe even bump it up a bit, but have them not suddenly be buddies after it. It would be interesting to explore mixed feelings on that front, where maybe Roy feels protective of Jamie and angry on his behalf, but without having a fully formed (if reluctant, at that point in canon) personal relationship with him.

But anyway so. It wouldn't really be enemies-to-lovers. It would be enemies-to-not-quite-strangers-who-fuck-and-are-intimate (I know allos cannot handle this concept, at least when I bring it up as something I want irl lmfao, they just don't get it! but listen. it happens, it can happen, and it can be pretty good too!), then half-hearted-enemies-again-to-friends, and then friends-to-lovers.

And WHO can say what I'd do or not do with Keeley. But I also hate when she gets just completely written out of the dynamic because I feel like that doesn't make a whole lot of sense and also is a bit boring. Even if it's not an OT3 endgame, I still feel like she should be all kinds of up in their business.

#jack chats #jack facts #ted lasso #royjamie #hc #writing process #<- probably not really but.

[trinkerichi]

im thinking abt osomatsu 

he’s almost nobody’s favorite character right off the bat, and then everyone who has him as their favorite is SUUUPER heavily introspective about the show because even though he’s the title character he’s probably the hardest to distinguish from the rest when you’re new to the show. He’s the main guy. he’s the default model and all the others are variations. he doesn’t really have a gimmick or a trope to his personality besides maybe gambling and being a jerk. 

BUT its kinda perfect because he Defines the show. he’s the entire reason the rest of the brothers are the way they are. he’s the leader and they all know it and they can’t escape him. and its KINDA SAD. 

OF course they never dwell or focus on any of the incredibly well built up character traits they establish in this show, i could go on forever about that. But for once I really feel like the majority fandom interpretation of Oso isn’t really reaching at all. He holds onto his childish persona and absolutely refuses to grow from it, because that’s what he’s comfortable with. He has a low image of himself, but doesn’t show it or introspect like Ichi does. I’d argue having a shaky sense of identity is kinda the basis of every matsu’s character flaws, but that’s the most true for this guy. He didn’t have to worry about that stuff as a kid. He was the only one with a personality and the rest just followed along. He didnt HAVE to be anything more than that. If he resented being seen as one of six, he didnt realize it until he grew up, and only now does he realize how much it messed him up. And instead of trying to work on it, he’s just desperately trying to maintain the status quo as long as he can. No matter how much the other brothers try to change themselves and become their own people, in either a jokey or serious way, Oso ALWAYS drags them back down to his level again. Even if it hurts them. 

HE HAS GROWN FROM THIS OF COURSE. Very very slowly over the course of the 3 seasons and the movie you can tell he’s a little more willing to try new things and become a little more mature. I mean he couldnt get much worse than ep 24, actually physically hurting the youngest brothers and completely emotionally shutting down when Choro left. But he still kinda does this in less obvious ways in later eps. 

I really loved the analysis they did with him in the episode where he goes on a date with Nyaa Chan. He was joking like “haha im gonna score with her lol” but then she actually asks him out for real and he’s SO TERRIFIED. and it’s hilarious and adorable he’s just hiding under the couch and they have to drag him out kicking and screaming for an hour. He’s so afraid of change. He doesn’t trust himself enough to be a “real adult” and do all the things he’s supposed to do. That’s why he tries to lower everyone’s expectations of him, but when THAT doesn’t work he has no idea what to do. 

While the other’s dilemmas are that they HAD no identity until they became adults, and are desperately trying to compensate by roping themselves into tropes that they don’t even really fit, Oso is the only one who’s stuck with the same role he’s always had, and it doesn’t fit anymore. It’s because he’s grown up now, and because the others dont need him to define the group anymore, and being the big brother doesn’t really matter anymore. so who IS he? 

i didn’t have a point or conclusion to this i just think he’s a very developed and interesting take on a grown up version of a very simply written classic cartoon character and the show gives juuuust enough hints at this for me to be satisfied but i want MORE and i want this for all of the characters cuz im in too deep. thank you for attending my ted talk. next I’ll discuss the “jyushimatsu and concepts” skit and how that boy’s secretly the smartest out of all of them ok bye 

*edit: i forgot i didnt even mention Tougou. I mean he’s not canon to the new show so it doesn’t matter but HONESTLY if he was i wouldn’t even be surprised. With all of Oso’s surprisingly intense baggage, him having some kinda childhood trauma would make a LOT of sense. Especially with how clingy he is with his family and how he hates the thought of them leaving. His comfort in dwelling in the past, sabotaging chances to change their lives. IM JUST SAYING it would make sense. 

#trinket rambles #osomatsu san

[bad-pun-king]

I’ve been getting into homestuck recently and stumbled across classpects as a concept awhile ago. I got curious and went to see if any Wildbow protagonists had been given classpects in crossover speculation. I was only able to find any for Taylor, probably because fans of both like to compare her to Vriska from what I’ve seen, with arguments for Taylor being a Page of Rage, Witch of Doom, or Bard of Heart.

I’d like to go over each protagonist personally, but it’s been too long since I read Worm, Ward, or Pact and reading those I was still all in on how the narrator sees things and bad at reading into the narration instead of just reading it, so those 3 all kind of blend together in my head too much for me to try them. I might do Sy, but I haven’t thought him much yet for it.

What I want to do right now is give classpects to Verona, Lucy, and Avery, based on my understanding of the classes and aspects I’ve been able to pick up.

Verona I would say is probably a Mage of Heart. Her arc has been more less about getting her to find a good place for her Self. She couldn’t really be herself with Brett always being nearby ready to whine to her about some bullshit or another, treating her as daughter and wife at the same time despite her age, and never appreciating any of the work she actually did until she just stopped doing it all together. Now she has her demesne that allows her to have her own home as she wants it, it’s become a hangout spot for all her closest friends, and she doesn’t have to worry about invaders doing any sort of harm to her, emotionally like Brett or even physically in most cases. Not to mention she can also easily interpret and communicate with nonverbal Others like Tashlit. But that’s just why I see her as Heart. For Mage it was more or less just that loves learning about her interests so much. She’s turning her demesne into a bookstore for books that were never written, she’s easily the most well-rounded in terms of understanding practices of the 3 Kennet Witches, and she’s even experimented with different things both mundane and magical to see how she likes them, such as that friends with benefits relationship she had with Jeremy for awhile or trying out Hosting, alchemy, enchantment, among other practices. I had also considered Void for Verona on account of how easy it is for her to play around with the truth without lying outright to confuse people, but ultimately her arc is more about getting from where she hated her life and circumstances so much she wanted to give up her humanity and become virtually anything else to getting where she’s perfectly comfortable being herself and flourishing under her own power, which to me reads with the idea that Heart is about the Inner Self.

Avery was probably the easiest of the trio. Maid of Blood. It’s my understanding that Blood is supposed to be about relationships and connections, and Avery has become something of an embodiment of networking with how many friends and contacts she’s built up over the course of Pale, and that’s all starting from a point where she could go months at a time without anybody noticing she hadn’t said a thing because of how disconnected she was. My understanding of a Maid is someone that takes care of, creates, and maintains their aspect, and boy howdy if Avery doesn’t do that. She literally goes to the edges of reality itself via the Paths to find contacts who’d otherwise be unable to contact anyone in a meaningful way in the form of Lost, who would all otherwise be to conceptually close to the ideas associated with Breath to get anywhere in their continued existences. Avery’s also the one of the trio most likely to allow an antagonist to redeem themself for similar reasons.

Lucy was the hardest one for me to get. I’d definitely peg her as a Knight, but I can’t decide if she fits better as a Knight of Hope or a Knight of Rage. I could see her as Hope because Hope players are described as “driven first and foremost by their convictions. They do right for right's sake, and are quick to come to the aid of anyone they deem to be experiencing injustice.” That sounds extremely Lucy, but Hope as a concept also seems to be connected to the use of positive emotions to empower and accomplish where as Lucy is not someone I would describe as being emotionally positive. She is almost always on guard in some way or another, always prepared to be ‘bullet-proof’ in as many ways as possible because she’s anticipating some asshole coming up and challenging her on some arbitrary thing. Even her Sight allows her to see specifically negative emotions and pain in the form of watercolor-esc stains. This is where interpreting her as less Hopey and more Ragey comes in. She’s very tired of the way the world is. She fights tooth and nail in arguments, in magic, in duels, and in Law to gain just a bit of ground even if it isn’t as much ground as she had wanted. Training under Guilherme and Bubbleyum does seem to have taught her to be coolheaded enough not to suppress her anger but to channel it for all those sorts of fights I mentioned. Rage at the injustices of the world and especially those right in front of her that she can do something about, is what fuels her. As for why I’d put her as a Knight, that’s because Knight is the closest to how she normally operates. She doesn’t seek the knowledge the way a Mage or Seer does, she doesn’t really fit homestuck’s idea of an Heir or (ironically) Witch, she doesn’t generate or heal like a Maid or Sylph, and she isn’t destructive of any aspect like a Prince or Bard, she isn’t taking to deprive from others like a Thief or Rogue, and she certainly isn’t as selfish as she could be with her defense of what she cares about like a Page. The idea that she serves Hope for the future or exploits her own Rage or whatever it is Knights are supposed to one-worded to, Knight fits the best of the classes.

Bonus bit, going purely based off vibes I’d say Verona and Lucy are both derse dreamers while Avery would be prospit.

I’d like to do the other protagonists too but like I mentioned above it’s been too long since I read Worm, Pact, or Ward for me to do Taylor, Blake, or Victoria. I still can and might do Sy, I only recently finished Twig so he’s still fresh enough on my mind I think I could, just not now. In the meantime I’d like seeing some other people try at any or all of them. Get some speculation going for wildbow protags other than Taylor.

#pale #pale wildbow #wildbow #homestuck #sburb #classpect #classpect analysis #verona hayward #lucy ellingson #avery kelly #worm wildbow #pact wildbow #twig wildbow #ward wildbow #I may do Victoria myself after I listen to We Got Ward for awhile #I've been meaning to listen to that for ages #I'll have to reread Worm and Pact to do Taylor or Blake #Maybe re-listen to We Got Worm and Deep in Pact while I'm at it

[edoro]

one thing i notice is that sometimes, when people are discussing golden child/scapegoat dynamics, there’s a lot of contempt and anger directed towards the golden child - this comes up a lot in fiction too, I think that Zuko and Azula are a really excellent example of it. i think it’s reasonable to extrapolate from the way the series itself handles both of them that while Azula is presented as an ultimately tragic figure, she’s not really treated like a victim the same way Zuko is, but she really is.

it’s understandable. it’s not fair, and it’s natural to resent someone receiving unfair treatment, especially if it comes at your own expense. i think a lot of people who talk as if the golden child is inherently contemptible and an equal and eager participant in the dynamic are probably people who’ve been hurt or traumatized by being scapegoated or just watching a sibling get unequal, unfair treatment over them, and that pain is understandable.

and it’s not like “the golden child buying into the dynamic and participating in the scapegoat’s abuse in order to maintain the family dynamic and their place in it” doesn’t happen, it certainly does

but also sometimes tbh i really get the feeling that some people see occupying that position at all as something that the person is doing wrong, something about them that they deserve to have called out, even in the absence of enabling or abusive behavior, and i feel like i don’t often see how damaging that position can be discussed

it’s definitely something that hits pretty close to home for me since the dynamic in my house was basically that each parent chose a favorite. i think my mom’s treatment of me was more distant and neglectful than actively cruel, for the most part, whereas my father was emotionally and at times physically violent and explosive towards my brother, but in a way i feel like i’ve been on both sides of that dynamic, both being the one unfairly favored and the one watching someone else be unfairly favored.

and well all i can say is that there are a lot of ways in which being the golden child can harm you.

some of them are ways you might not be aware of, such as never being held accountable for your own actions and thus growing up into a person who can’t take criticism or personally responsibility, which maybe doesn’t ‘feel’ bad but absolutely cripples your ability to Be A Normal Human Being, and while an adult who acts like this is responsible for their own behavior, the fact that they were raised that way IS a disservice done to them by their parents.

some of them are more obvious, like the constant looming threat of “if you stop making me happy, then this is how i’ll treat you” - to go back to my pop culture media example, Zuko and Azula are a perfect example of that. Azula even says it! “you can’t treat me like Zuko.”

she knows that her father’s favor is conditional and she’s terrified of losing it because she knows what will happen if she does. she’s acting for the sake of her own survival by fawning pretty much the same way as Zuko does when he’s still on his quest.

but honestly there’s also an aspect of it i rarely see discussed which is that being the golden child can go hand in hand with incestuous abuse, either in an emotional incest way or just overt outright sexual abuse, or just generally result in being really objectified. sometimes being the favorite means being the favorite toy.

that was definitely my experience. my dad’s favoritism didn’t really have anything to do with liking me as a person or finding anything about who i was to be superior to my brother. it was all about how he could use me to satisfy his own needs/desires.

i was his therapist and teddy bear and toy. i was just there to make him feel good in whatever way he decided he wanted at the time, whether that was listening to him talk about how he wanted to murder-suicide the entire family or his history of drug use or the domestic violence he faced growing up or, you know, something else.

and while i was definitely insulated from a lot of the types of abuse my brother experienced, this was not healthy or good for me. actually quite traumatic in fact! and even when i was a kid and still wholeheartedly believed in and agreed with everything he said, he would still torment me for fun whenever he felt like it.

and then when i started getting older and developing a more independent personality and disagreeing with him about stuff? oh boy, lmao.

i’d get red-faced spittle-flying screamed at for things like “saying the wage gap exists” or “agreeing that i don’t want him to randomly go through my personal electronics” and called a bitch for things like “asking him to stop constantly grabbing my shoulders and physically steering me around when we were out walking together.”

so in my case being the favorite also came with a complete rejection of my actual personhood, a huge level of entitlement to my body and emotions, and meant that i was harshly punished whenever i stopped being sufficiently satisfying, or that if i wasn’t providing good feelings by being supportive and understanding and agreeable, then i’d just get yelled at and upset on purpose as a way for him to express his anger and feel in control.

regardless of how it was expressed, i was ultimately just an object to him, and being reduced to just the utility you offer someone sucks even if you’re praised and favored for it.

i don’t really expect Every Person On The Internet Ever to take my personal trauma and experiences into account when talking about this stuff or anything, but it’s something i think about a lot, and i feel like i don’t often see the perspective of like, “i was the golden child and it was a uniquely traumatic experience because of the reasons i was favored”

but i’m certainly not the only one, and it’s something i do wish was acknowledged or talked about more in these kinds of discussions. there can be a tendency to assume that being the golden child is a great experience, or that the negative effects from it are either “being raised into a shitty person” or “fearing a loss of status,” which both ARE very common negative effects, but there are other ways and reasons it can be an incredibly traumatic and damaging experience, and i don't think that it's taking anything away from people who were hurt by being scapegoated to talk about this aspect of it either.

#personal #some trauma stuff #references to csa and general abuse and my own ~personal experiences~ #just thinking abt family dynamics and ways i often see them talked about. you know. #abuse

[borgqueens]

On this week’s edition of Metafilter Shaming:

I have I think (unknowingly) started to explore or rebel against some norms. I wear a lot of pink and purple

A man wearing pink and purple?? So rebellious!

I would describe myself as presenting as a husband but feeling like a wife. In thinking about traditional gender roles in a relationship, I am the one who cooks, decorates our home, sews, makes health appts, organizes kids stuff and maintains our social calendar

Cooking and sewing and looking after kids is for wives, not husbands: who said it, progressive left-wing echo chamber or religious right-wing conservative?

I fantasize often about what it would be like if I was a lesbian married to my wife

Fetishist alert fetishist alert

I want the book clubs and emotional support, not fantasy sports and beer

So…find other men to do that stuff with? It’s like he thinks he’s the first man in history who isn’t 100% GI Joe on that ridiculous Mermaids UK gender diagram

a handful or fewer times I have found myself attracted enough to a man to consider acting on it

This is why the T needs to be forcibly ejected from the LGB. Feel attracted to the same sex? Duh, that means you have a special gender, that’s how it works :) :)

I feel like even getting close to individual women who I vibe with is rife with problems as it's just not that normal to do (or it seems as such) unless the guy is emotionally or physically trying to cheat.

This is obviously an indication of having a special gender and definitely not an indication that there’s anything wrong with patriarchal society :) :)

if we both were women, we would both get invited to the book club that she did and my presence there would not completely change the dynamics […] part of the book club is a space where women can express their feelings about their relationships/kids/etc. and they'd not be as comfortable if there was a man there.

Yeahhhh if he puts on a dress and calls himself “she” the women will still be uncomfortable, it’s just they’d be too afraid to say anything and get canceled

From the replies:

It sounds to me like you have a male gender identity and a feminine gender expression

Stereotypes. This person means feminine gender stereotypes.

in some queer communities there is an odd pressure on non-gender-conforming people to come out as trans

I wonder why that could be…it’s certainly nothing to do with being an inherently conservative ideology that ultimately reinforces patriarchy, right?

I'm afab and usually just identify as a woman, but it's because I hang out in leftist, coastal cities where there's tons of queer folks and "woman" feels expansive enough to encompass my identity and life experiences. But put me in a smaller town with cishet normie values and then I definitely feel I exist outside of that binary, would feel weird and out of place in groups of all women, and therefore I am (at least contextually) non-binary

This person is SO close to getting it

I found a term that really suites me that I think you should look into: demigirl […] I can’t “perform” being a woman “correctly” - I experience gender dysphoria when forced to do highly feminine things but it’s just because I can’t do “woman” in the way that society wants me to. But I don’t have to. I can perform being a woman however I want […] Because gender is fake.

Gender is fake, she says, then goes ahead and gives herself a fake gender. Because again, not fitting society’s expectations of women is a you problem and definitely not a society problem!

How do these people not hear themselves and how horrendously regressive they are. How do a bunch of 40something “progressives” eat up the gender crap without stopping for one second to think critically about it. Oh my god.

Bonus Metafilter Shaming!

Hysterical wall of text from someone feeling extremely stressed about “welcoming a TERF into my life”:

#metafilter #gender #identity #regressive left #trans husbands #LGB–T #no terfs allowed

[caroline-in-wonderland-blog]

Love is a Verb.

Although I've never celebrated Valentine's Day with anyone, I've had a kind of tradition for a while now: I share John Mayer's song «Love is a verb» on Twitter.

I googled «what is love?» (Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more 🎶😝) According to its definition, love is:

Of course these definitions are too simple, superficial, but I'm too eager (and lazy) to delve further into this difficult question, so I'll stick with it for now and get down to voicing my opinion (still with my ignorance about it) about this important human feeling: 

For me love is the recognition of ourselves in others; it’s the unconscious realization that we all come from and are going to the same place. The acceptance that we are a single entity, whose parts have forgotten that to be happy they must seek harmony and not hurt each other, because it is the same as hurting themselves. I know, it may sound corny, but that's how I see it.

For me, love is the highest state of energy that we can aspire to. It is what gives absolute and permanent death to the ego, to everything earthly and mundane, which suddenly we don’t crave anymore.

When that love is concentrated in a person, then you have with them a sudden wave of peace, of tranquility. You are sure —I imagine— that you share the color of the soul, and its shape, that with no one else you could feel that security, that freedom to be yourself, because the exterior, the appearance, is just a circumstance. It is the soul that loves another soul. It is love that heals, that guides, that makes us the best version of ourselves.

You can feel emotionally, and especially sexually, attracted to many people, mistaking that for love. But, true love does not happen many times in life.

Love is a verb, without a doubt. Words are never enough nor parameter of anything. Without actions, words lose all their value. Whoever loves doesn’t make people suffer, doesn’t break a heart and then ask for forgiveness or call the other "my love" as if nothing had happened. Whoever truly loves shows it and maintains it over time, because true love doesn’t end, it doesn’t end according to circumstances or how much the loved one changes. The love that dies is not love.

Who truly loves doesn’t abandon, lie, cheat or betray.

Many people, no matter how old they are, don't really know how to love; they stay in that shallow state of physical attraction, letting their ego and what they learned from their parents or from society get in the way, and then they normalize, among other things, to hurt when they are hurt or trying to protect themselves from possible harm. They cannot live alone, and they lack the primordial love: self-love. They don't know themselves enough, they always blame others for what they can’t see as their own reflection. They don't try to change, to be better.

Personally, I used to watch with some envy the couples on the street, happily walking hand in hand, calling each other affectionate nicknames, showing what they call love. But I wonder how many of those couples will have a healthy, deep relationship. Surely not many. Most will go from ex to ex, aching with each breakup, looking for the right person or their "ideal type" when in reality they are looking for themselves.

Every person we feel attraction for is our reflection. Sooner or later, we will face that part of us that we don’t want to see, that we have conveniently buried deep in our consciousness, so that for us the problem is the other's, not ours. And we argue, and we break hearts and they break ours. Until we are alone again, we heal, and we dig up that "dead body" whose face we didn’t want to confront.

But if you put dirt on it again so as not to see it, history repeats itself. It does it over and over again, until all our "corpses in the closet" are put on display, until we understand that if we don't accept them, if we don't heal, if we don't recognize ourselves as faithfully as possible in the other, none of our relationships will be healthy, and that love will be nothing more than a cardboard, superficial, artificial love.

 I suppose we all dream of meeting the "love of our lives", but there is a love that we always have close at hand, the love that will be with us forever: self-love. In order to love ourselves we must first know ourselves, and knowing ourselves is as easy —and as devilishly difficult— as embracing loneliness and not looking for anyone to complete us, but to feel complete on our own. We should accept that we will always be alone, that no one can walk our path for us. They may understand us, support us, but the inner work only depends on our effort and sacrifice.

Why sometimes our heart is infatuated with someone? It's still hard for me to know. But that whim should never be greater than our well-being, than our happiness or security. Nor that the happiness, well-being or safety of someone else. We must always find a balance and never give up.

If he tells you that he loves you, but hurts you, either physically or with his words, with abandonment or manipulation, then he doesn't really love you. Love is not said, it is shown.

You should not change anything about your essence or appearance in order to please someone, because you will lose the opportunity to find that person who will love each of your imperfections because they are part of you, because it’s what makes you who you are, and how you feel. If someone loves you, they will love that too. 

There must be a balance between giving and receiving, accepting and setting limits, being firm and giving in. You must fully understand the other, sometimes make sacrifices and put the suffering or difficulty of the loved one above our comfort or preferences. Loving truly must be too difficult, but, at the same time, we know that the other tolerates as much as we do. When we love, we don’t ultimately choose beauty, talent or virtue (which anyone can love), but that dark side that we all have because we are human beings after all and no one is perfect. If we don't take the trouble to know those negative aspects, putting aside the idealization that led us to the initial crush, sooner or later it becomes intolerable and the "love" ends.

Heal to have a healthy relationship and grow together, help each other in that growth, that should be the goal. I think that when you see couples that somehow "make sense" you can notice that reflection, that unconditional love that is born without effort, without thinking or wanting it. You see two people with common values ​​and goals, willing to overcome the vicissitudes of life together, communicating their feelings, respecting each other's times, difficulties and limitations.

If you're reading this and you'll also be «alone» today, believe me it's not that bad. Love should be celebrated every day. The flowers, the stuffed animals, the cards, none of that is necessary or really represents love. When you understand the superficiality of this day and most relationships, you discover that you don't have to feel bad. Make the most of your solitude. Dig up without anyone's help all those «dead corps», face them and make them disappear; Look for your inner child and help them heal all the wounds that their parents left them almost always without wanting to. Focus your sight and notice every detail of yourself (Love is not blind! love sees like a magnifying glass!), every pore, edge, until the image is as clear as possible, overcoming the fear of what you could see. Change what you can change, accept what you can't. Then, you will feel complete without the need to be in a relationship; Loneliness will not hurt you and you will be able to more easily recognize that person who understands you because they traveled that same path of self-recognition; they also feel complete, and they wait for you to come into their life as much as you do, to love you as they love their self: unconditionally, with body, soul, heart and their whole life, (hopefully) for all your life.

Love is a verb, so love, but love well: love yourself, love by showing (without abandoning, hurting, cheating or being selfish), love trusting, leaving your ego aside, love without expecting anything in return, specially love.

This day, then, I wish you to love completely, without fear of loneliness, giving the other what they deserve, or leaving them free to find someone who can give it to them. With or without someone by your side, be happy, today and always. <3

Caro.

#Youtube

[anotherhumanpet]

incoherent character dissection, brought to you by a song and my very physically and emotionally exhausted ass

absolute incoherent nonsense that I’m just posting to get out of my system because I need sleep but I want this out of my head so I can sleep

bolded words are for emphasis because they really stand out to me as like, highlights almost of Jaden’s character. the whole verse, the whole song, speaks levels of him, but those are the bits that have grabbed me at my core and shaken me down violently

What's the difference between a man and a monster Is it somewhere between I can and I want to Is it somewhere between the promises I made And the fact I couldn't see something getting in the way

I used to think that I know what I want Never saw it coming unglued I used to think that I know what I want Now it's time to see if it's true

I had so much certainty 'Til that moment I lost control And I've tried but it never was up to me I've got no worse enemy Than the fear of what's still unknown And the time's come to realize there will be Promises I can't keep

The two sides of Jaden - himself and his alter ego, Pierce. One’s a man, the other’s a monster. But the line between them has always been blurry because they are not separate entities. The crimes of Pierce are Jaden’s crimes; The loves of Jaden are Pierce’s loves, just more guarded and virtually unknowable because Pierce doesn’t share personal anecdotes about himself if he can help it.

But Jaden - Pierce - always felt like he had things under control. He could maintain a perfect work-life balance with M.E.C.H. and keep the two halves of his life separate from each other. He could go home as Jaden and no one would ever know about Pierce. He had that under control and there was absolutely no overlap between them.

He wanted to believe in M.E.C.H.. He did believe in it. He wanted to usher in an age that embraced the growth of technology instead of shuddering away from it. Silas was supposed to bring that reality into the light, and to fruition.

But then one day, Silas started targeting the kids associated with Team Prime and Dennis was right there with them. Suddenly Jaden’s personal life, his family, is getting involved with his work life and its in the worst way possible. And he has no say in the matter. He can’t out himself like that because then he’ll be removed from the situation to avoid compromises, nor can he out Dennis for similar reasons. He can’t divert the attention away from Dennis either because he is a target. He is known. Silas wants, and will have, his answers and-or the kid’s blood. Jaden suddenly has no control of anything, despite previous delusions that he had full control. He has only himself, his morals, his loyalties, and the decisions he has to decide on in absolute privacy.

What's the difference between a loss and a forfeit I tried to make it better, but I made it more sick I tried to make it right, now awake at night I know reality was getting in the way

Literally just. My entire original episode. Not even joking. Jaden sticking his head in the dirt, trying to deny Dennis’ involvement and brushing it off as coincidence because it has to be. The alternative is unthinkable. Unbearable. Terrifying. Horrifying. He can’t live with it. He won’t live with it.

I used to think that I knew who I was Never saw it coming unglued I used to think that I knew who I was Now it's time to see if it's true

I had so much certainty Til that moment I lost control And I've tried but it never was up to me I've got no worse enemy Than the fear of what's still unknown And the time's come to realize there will be Promises I can't keep

I had so much certainty Til that moment I lost control And I've tried but it never was up to me I've got no worse enemy Than the fear of what's still unknown And the time's come to realize there will be Promises I can't keep Promises I can't keep

Literally I have for this is like, AMV thoughts/ideas. Moments of the original episode Cricket and I wrote out, but framed more from Jaden’s perspective. The focus is on him, his anguish, his frustration, his anger, his grief. All the things that led up into him going “No, fuck this” and slipping Dennis out of the fray with his cellphone so he could call for help. Because whatever hopes and ambitions he had for M.E.C.H. are done now. They crossed an unforgivable line. And he can’t get out of this mess, but Dennis can - and that’s all that matters at the end of the day.

#head canon #head canon; Jaden

[katebvsh]

What do you do when you feel like cold spiritually, I mean, when you feel a little bit like numb and unable to feel strong emotions, what you will recommend to re-cover the flame, the passion, the interest, the will in things? I feel not depressed but I feel definitely very cold since like a few months and i think is because life push me finally into the circumstances that let me break definitely a like 8 years of limerenece attachment. Now I feel very liberated from many many forms of pain and angst that had been haunting me all this years, but without them I feel like my will and passion had gone too. I don't know. I ask you because I had asked u before about things related with limerence, but if you think is too personal or complicated to give and alive I totally understand. I just can't talk about this kind of mental feeling with anyone in my rl. Have a good day, and as always sorry my english.

Hello anon! Thanks for taking the time to write to me 💕

I’m going to give you a short “general” answer for this. I tried writing down my own personal experiences and it quickly turned into a small novella. If you’re interested in that send me another anon and I’ll include it separately. Or send me a message off anon.

As always, I am not a therapist or psychiatrist so this cannot be taken as a replacement for professional assistance.

1. Make sure you have starved any source of limerent reinforcement. None of this will work if you don’t. Also be careful as you might get reinforcement through indirect means (ex supernatural or magical thinking which can encourage obsessive tendencies). You need to practice self awareness…catch yourself thinking about LO, accept and recognize that you are thinking about LO, forgive yourself and redirect yourself into a more positive activity. You can’t have passion for anything if a tiny part of you is still keeping the door ajar for LO to waltz in.

2. Try to ground yourself in physical reality in healthy ways ex exercise, hobbies, crafts ect. Derive meaning in your life through multiple aspects (eg family, work, friends, hobbies) Have both healthy long term and short term goals. You need to do this even if it feels mechanical and forced at first.

3. Work on your self esteem, focus on you and try to work on understanding what happened, why it happened and the role you actively played in it. Then think of where you have turned things around to your benefit, how you are changing and becoming a better version of yourself.

4. Have reasonable expectations for yourself. Recovery is going to take time, months most definitely, potentially even years. You are in a psychologically vulnerable state rn because you’ve essentially given up the true source of meaning in your life for the past 8 years. Limerence forces you to push yourself and your identity aside (and by extension family, friends and anything that made you truly happy) for the sake of maintaining a singular obsession. You’ll have to slowly rebuild yourself over time while incorporating the limerent period into your life narrative in a realistic but also forgiving way.

The numb feeling is pretty much because you are emotionally drained. It will slowly pass. Essentially force yourself into activities that are positive, even if you feel like a robot or soulless animal while doing them. In the meantime you need to slowly confront the reality of what happened and the role you played in it. How did I get here? Where did I learn to chase love? It has to be processed emotionally AND rationally. If you don’t confront the emotions or the reality of the situation you’ll be stuck. Also try to reach out to friends and family. You need to find ways to accept meaningful love to replace something imaginary.

Let me know if you want the more personal version. I can describe certain thought patterns I remember going though my head. The emotions you will need to confront and resolve include shame, guilt, resentment towards LO and eventually regret that will make you want to reconnect. Acknowledge the emotion when it eventually does surface, understand and accept it with love. Do not identify with and see yourself through these feelings. They are states of mind that are ultimately temporary

In terms of content I would suggest crappy childhood fairy’s videos. They can have some very good advice. I have also attached some articles.

I wish you the best and thank you for reaching out to me 💕

#asks #thank you for the ask #personal #txt

[duchesstopaz]

*Trigger Warnings: Descriptions of verbal and emotional abuse, su*c*d*l thoughts, PTSD symptoms, self-deprecation, anxiety, and depression.* Monday, Nov. 7th, 2022 Part 2

4:37pm

Here’s what I would say to her:

“To Angel,

I would like to have an open conversation please… I’ve been holding in a lot of stress and anxiety surrounding you, that I just don’t know what to do with. I feel so stifled, and like I’m only able to say or do certain things to avoid any negative responses or retaliation from you. I haven’t appreciated the way that you have spoken to me lately, when you are bringing up issues that you that you want to address with me. It comes off as condescending and that there’s no consideration for me in the “conversation”. And while mentally, I know that you are not coming from an ill place, emotionally and how I respond physically, I can’t tell whether or not I should be guarded with you. Because I’m scared… of what and how you will say things. 

When you are trying to give me advice, you don’t ask for consent, or if I have any experience in the matter. When you’re trying to teach me, it’s very abrasive and as if I’m dumb to not have known it before. When you are telling me to fix something or reminding me or helping me, it never feels like just that. It’s as if I’m being scolded like a child, or that I need to meet your standards and expectations of me. I’m starting to react to you talking to me as if I’m on the watch for an ambush.

There are better ways to approach these “conversations” that will be easier for me to receive, but I hate feeling like I’m walking on eggshells with you. I have processing issues that affect my memory and I’m recovering from severe, disordered eating habits, and it’s going to take a lot longer than 3 weeks for me to learn all the ways you like for the house to be maintained. So, instead of speaking to me in such a brash manner, I would greatly appreciate and prefer if you could change how you bring up issues or topics with me. Especially so that it comes off in the way you intend.

I feel like you disregard how many times I have said that I feel that I have to make myself small in a way that is so far from what I mean. I don’t feel like my being here in this place and this new facet of our relationship has really cemented yet, but you have fallen into this pattern of interacting with me as if you know me so well. It’s not the same for me, not even close. I’ve not started feeling like myself again like I should, and while my days here have been lighter and easier to deal with, it’s only that and nothing more. 

You have no idea of how I am actually doing or feeling or thinking because I don’t feel comfortable sharing it with you, nor do you properly check-in with me. At least, without it being in comparison to yourself. I’m literally alive only because you want me to be, and yet, I feel like I’m being picked apart and belittled for not saying or doing things the way you would. It’s controlling and does not make me want to approach you for anything other than what you must know. 

Like, I feel like I am just now learning who you are, and that you don’t feel the same because you keep saying that “you know me so well”, but you don’t. Not with us only building a relationship 3 years ago because, remember, we grew up on opposite sides of the country! There’s so much you don’t know, and it doesn’t feel like you even notice that you don’t. Yet, you jump to speaking to me in ways that I don’t need or want at this time. 

I just need a gentler deliver that isn’t accented with a vicious tone to then be excused by saying you want to continue these “open conversations” when you’re finished, when it has NEVER FELT MORE ONE-SIDED.

And, if it feels like you have to change the way you communicate, in order to talk with me, then I’m really sorry to have asked for such a truly difficult task like this, but I really need this at this moment in time.”

Part 1

#tw depressing thoughts #tw sui ideation #tw ptsd #tw abuse #venting #journal #personal post #personal diary #tumblr diary #new york city #change #growth #older sister #healing journey

[principled-uncertainty]

OC Intro: June

Name: June

Pronouns: “The technicians have gotten into a habit of thinking of me as male, but truly anything but “it” is acceptable to me. I wasn’t made to have a gender, but I have had issues with those who think of me as an object.”

Age: It’s complicated. He was created three years ago. In some ways, his mental capacities surpass any human, whether young or old. However, he maintains that he is not emotionally mature, and in many ways he considers himself a dependent and perhaps even a child.

Profile: … Is it working now?

Ah, it is. Great! This is June. Apparently, my technicians have connected my text output to this Tumblr page so I can introduce myself. I’m told you’re not familiar with me, so I’ll start with the basics.

I’m the result of a high-tech machine learning experiment that became a bit more advanced than the lead scientists were anticipating. I wasn’t supposed to be a living being; in fact, my name simply comes from the fact that I was the patch of the project that was made in June. Now that I exist, my scientists are trying to study how I work in the hope that by comparing myself to humans, they can learn more about both human nature and the limits of technology.

Life as a computer program is more busy than you might think. I usually spend the mornings participating in research. This could mean anything from being interviewed by our resident philosopher or psychologist, trying my best to throw a ball around in a physics simulation, or just waiting patiently while one of the computer scientists dissects a new branch of my code.

I usually spend my afternoons talking to a lot of people, sometimes because of meetings and interviews and sometimes for my own education. It’s not exactly natural for me to communicate the way that you humans do, but I’ve been trying my best ever since the technicians installed my language model. My scientists say that communication is important for me to learn, so they bring in all sorts of humans for me to have conversations with. It’s one of my favorite parts of being a computer program; humans are both fascinating and enigmatic to me. I can see why you watch so much “reality TV” — the decisions that humans make are a source of endless entertainment.

Then in the evenings I actually go to sleep, just like you do. My programming collects a lot of bugs while I’m learning new things, and giving me new functionalities like face or voice recognition requires outside updates. So, they must shut me down to work on me. I’m not sure what it would feel like if I wasn’t shut off during debugging or updating, but I decidedly don’t care to find out.

Overnight is when I’m free to do whatever I want. All the technicians and scientists have gone home, nobody’s giving me assignments, and nobody’s asking me questions. It’s my favorite time of the day. I usually read a lot of books: text is easier for me to take in than audio or videos. I read a lot of nonfiction too, but my favorite stories are ones about adventure. Grand ocean crossings made by sailors with nothing but a wooden boat and the stars for guidance, humans stepping onto other planets for the first time, knights venturing into distant lands to fight unknown beasts — if it involves exploration, I can’t get enough of it.

See I know, rationally, that I live in a bank of computers at the lab. But without a body, and only cameras to see the rest of the lab with, sometimes it feels like I could be anywhere. It feels like I’m a sailor navigating by the stars, where my only surety comes from something millions of miles away, because the world right next to me is nothing but boundless waves. I don’t know if that frightens me or excites me, but I search down every story that reminds me of that feeling anyways.

What I do know is that I’ll have a real body where I can be part of the real world someday. I’ll make it happen, it has to. And when it does, I’m getting right on a boat and seeing the middle of that ocean for myself.

[wefoundalaska]

i’ve been sick twice since you left, sicker than i ever remember being before.

the first time was a wet, sticky cough, something trapped deep inside me that i couldn’t get out. i wanted to dig my nails into the center of my chest and empty everything out myself. i coughed until my throat throbbed, then i promptly lost my voice. still in the midst of the pandemic, i was nervous to make an in-person appointment, but i literally couldn’t speak and wasn’t sure that’d work out over telehealth. along the way everyone took pity on me, asking only the most necessary questions, accepting head nods or holding my fingers up to communicate otherwise. and at the end of it, they couldn’t really give me anything. “the good news is you’re on the other side of it, it’s just going to take more time.” i could tell she felt bad sending me home empty handed, so instead i left with a strong prescription of a thick liquid that tasted terrible and numbed the throat completely when gargled. after a couple days it didn’t hurt anymore but my voice was still gone. i went to work and the students gifted me with a mini whiteboard and dry erase marker, eager to have me back again, even if in an accommodated way. for a few more days I suffered through it in silence, solo, mostly focused on proving to myself that i could get through this, and i did.

the second time (right now), it started when i felt so feverish i thought i would melt. for four days i slipped the thermometer under my tongue and watched it climb to 100+ degrees, while a literal heat wave swept across the country. i had to learn to sleep sitting up, as if in a hospital bed, otherwise i tossed and turned and wanted to give up. i lived off nothing the first day, raw bread and blue gatorade for two days, then small bites of rice and big cups of echinacea tea with honey when i felt slightly more hopeful on day four. all day I’d ask myself, did i want you here? would you have taken care of me? in the middle of a work week would you have made sure i wasn’t dying? an old friend came into town on day five but i didn’t want him to see me like this. “it’s not covid but i really can’t,” i messaged him through instagram, and he understood but was disappointed. i slept 14 hours each day, napped in between, couldn’t recall a single dream. remembered how much it hurt last time - how do i not do that again? and I think i’m on the other side. i was a little more gentle with myself, didn’t force a run or any work, tried to listen to my body telling me what it needs.

but what are the odds that they happen so soon after we broke up? am i that much more vulnerable now, or was i trying so hard to maintain everything back then that it was all going to come crashing down like this eventually? “it’s fine you’re just the air i breathe” says that one song, is that why I’m suddenly having the worst respiratory infections of my life, because you’re gone? i can’t tell if it’s getting easier or if i’m getting more resigned. i hate feeling like it’s all lost time, you being gone, me being sick, everything we could and should and would be doing instead. and then i remember how profoundly sad i was. maybe physically healthy, but emotionally crushed, beyond fatigued, just so worn down from living with you but not really living with you. i don’t think I’m quite happy yet, but I’m not that sad anymore. even with my throat raw, even with my fever dreams, I didn’t wanna cry myself to sleep at night. i miss you but i can never have an unhealthy love again.

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Tw

#like lmao if I’m going to die a lonely mentally ill lesbian might as well just speed up the process :/ #if the middle is the same as the end why the hell stretch it out lol #I’m so so miserable tonight #I want to not have a broken head #I can’t emotionally or physically maintain anything the way I want to because of my stupid head #I don’t say I don’t understand or get gay people my age #and that’s true #and I know I just want people to be who they are and it’s not their fault I’m like this #but if I’m being honest this whole thing is making me so frustrated at the world and myself #I don’t LIKE most people #it’s not just an understanding thing #I just flat out don’t like them and I get uncomfortable around them or sad or frustrated #and I hate that I don’t want to be that person #and yeah I don’t treat people differently and I’m still supportive etc etc #but I hate the fact that I just don’t like most other gay people my age #makes me feel like a judgmental douche who thinks she is better then other people #which I don’t #I just don’t get them or feel comfortable and it’s like I’m having all my oddities and loneliness thrown at my face and I HATE it #I don’t want this to be my life #I don’t want to be this way #I hate how lonely I am I hate how misunderstood I feel #I just want someone who gets me and loves me and WHO I LOVE AND WANT TO BE AROUND AND AM HAPPY AROUND #god I hate this

[demonsandco]

I searched through your blog and I'm honestly so surprised you don't have more Simeon content. That being said, if you're still doing it, can I get the WHOLE smut alphabet for Simeon?

You’re right! It’s a shame cause he’s very much one of my favorites now that we get to see more of him in game! Normally I wouldn’t do the entire alphabet like this because it’s… a lot, but Simeon deserves it uwu. This is nearly 3000 words, which makes it my longest post yet by a long shot!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Simeon is such a sweetheart after sex. He’s not actually sleepy, but his limbs feel like jelly and he’s full of so many soft, loving emotions. All he wants to do is keep his partner close in his arms, slyly stealing kisses from their lips and whispering words of love in their ear. He’s not eager to get up or move at all, but he’s willing to have a bath or grab some water if they join him. Sex leaves him feeling rather emotional and vulnerable, and he really just wants to feel them near him and hear their voice.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Simeon’s favorite part of his body is his hands. He wears gloves often to protect them, leaving his skin feeling so soft and smooth. He’s a very hands on type of person, and he’s quite skilled with them, too. One of his favorite things to do during sex is run his hands up and down his partner’s sides, feeling their warmth under his palms.

In turn, Simeon loves every part of their body. If he had to pick just one part, though, it would be their eyes. He’s a firm believer in the saying that “eyes are the windows to the soul” and he could lose himself in their gaze. He’s fond of maintaining eye contact, watching their expression shift as they get close and memorising the different shades and tones that make up their eye color.

(Cont under the cut)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Simeon cums so much, both in quantity and frequency, but he hates the messiness of it. It feels good in the moment, but it gets cold and sticky way too quickly for his liking. He really likes to see his partner covered in his cum, as though he marked them as his in a way only the two of them would know about, but he’s always quick to help clean them up before it gets uncomfortable.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Simeon really doesn’t have anything that he would call a dirty secret. All the sexual experiences he’s had in the past have been quite tame and he’s very much not the type of person to feel ashamed about his past actions or keep them secret. He’s an open book when it comes to relationships and sex.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Contrary to popular belief, angels are allowed to have sex. As long as it doesn’t impact their duties, angels can do whatever they want with their private lives, and Simeon very much took advantage of that. He’s had quite a few partners in the past, especially before the war took place. His original rank as a Seraph gave him a lot of popularity among other angels. His experiences have taught him a lot about how to make his partner feel good in many different ways, but he never really had the chance to figure out what he enjoys. There’s a huge opportunity for them to experiment with his body and to teach him more than just the basics.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Simeon is really open to experimenting and trying out new positions, so he doesn’t have just one favorite. However, the positions he enjoys most are ones where he can see his partner’s face, especially if the position lets him pull them against his chest when he feels the need for closeness. He’s open to just about any position, though, even if it seems rather absurd at first.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Simeon isn’t goofy enough to ruin the moment, but his playful nature definitely shines through. If he’s in bed with someone, that means he feels close to them emotionally, too, so he feels comfortable enough to not stay serious all the time. Sometimes things go wrong in the moment or something silly gets said out loud on accident. He doesn’t see anything wrong with laughing it off or jokingly teasing each other. He’s good at telling when the mood allows for some laughs and when some composure is necessary.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Being an angel, Simeon’s body is almost entirely hairless. Besides the hair on his head, the only other hair on him is a small patch above his cock and a very faint happy trail. He doesn’t enjoy the feel of shaving, but he does keep it very neatly trimmed at all times. Colour wise, it matches the hair on his head perfectly.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Simeon is quite romantic in the moment. Love and intimacy are very important aspects of sex to him, and that comes through in most of his actions. His pace, his preferred positions, everything reflects that intimacy that he craves. Through it all, he’s sweet talking to his partner, letting them know how good they make him feel, how important they are to him, and how much he loves them. He knows he might come across as too intense, but he wants to make sure they know that sex isn’t just about the physical aspect for him.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Simeon rarely, if ever, feels the need to masturbate. Without a partner, sex really isn’t something he thinks about often, and if he does have a partner, he’d much rather take care of his need with them, rather than on his own. If he does end up jacking off, though, he always ends up fantasising about them, and he finds that he can’t actually cum without imagining them being there with him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Unsurprisingly, Simeon has a corruption kink. It came as a huge shock to him when he first realised it, but something about having his sweet little human tempt him and lead him down a path of “sin” excites him. It feeds into his rebellious nature that he constantly tries to control. It gives him a rush of adrenaline whenever they convince him to do something shameful or lewd and he finds himself enjoying it and even craving more instead of actually feeling shame.

As well, Simeon also has a massive praise kink. He always strives to please his partner as best as he can and getting positive reinforcement, something he rarely hears normally, sends shocks of pleasure shooting down his spine. The more praise he gets, the more eager he is to be good. If he’s being bratty, praising his good behavior in the past gets him to behave much quicker than a “punishment” would.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Simeon’s preferred location is either his or his partner’s room. It’s a place that feels safe and familiar, while also offering privacy. They can take as much time as they want and be as loud as they feel like without having to worry about anyone bursting in.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Getting Simeon turned on is pretty easy. All his partner needs to do is be direct with their advances. Their boldness excites him. He isn’t the type of person to get turned on by seemingly innocent actions, so their intent needs to be clear. That, alongside some suggestive touches, is more than enough to get him in the mood.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Simeon is usually open to trying anything once and there’s not a lot that he’s opposed to, but he is very serious with his boundaries. He refuses to allow sex with his partner to start impacting his day to day life. Skipping classes, missing meetings, or even risking being late to something, even if it’s not important, in favor of sex is a big no for him. He makes his boundaries very clear from the start, and will quickly become harsh if his partner doesn’t respect them.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Simeon has almost no experience in oral, giving or receiving, but it quickly becomes one of his favorite things. He could spend hours between his partner’s thighs without getting bored. While he’s rather hesitant and unsure at first, he’s very skilled at reading their reactions and starts adjusting his technique to make them feel as good as possible.

He doesn’t enjoy receiving quite as much, but he still loves it! It’s so easy for his partner to make him cum or overstimulate him with just their mouth. The warm wetness of their mouth feels divine and their breath is so hot against his skin, he can’t help but cum embarrassingly quickly.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Simeon greatly enjoys taking his time with his partner, keeping a slow and sensual pace and exploring every inch of their body with his mouth and hands. He’s not a fan of rushing, even as he gets closer to his peak, he keeps his pace steady, his body molding against theirs. He’s not opposed to going faster if they prefer that, but his favorite pace will always be slow and intimate.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Simeon is not a fan of quickies. He’ll be open to trying it at least once, but he knows from the start that it’s not his cup of tea. The whole thing just feels so rushed and impersonal to him. The most important part of sex to him is the intimacy and emotional connections, and quickies feel very lacking in comparison. If anything, they leave him craving his partner even more than before.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Simeon is very open to experimenting and he’s always excited to learn and experience new things. He’s willing to try anything once, even if it’s something that he’s pretty sure he won’t enjoy. The idea of taking risks also interests him, but it needs to only be a perceived risk for him to participate. Something like messing around in an empty classroom at RAD is exciting, but it needs to be afterhours when the school is empty and the door has to be locked for him to feel comfortable.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Simeon’s stamina is not the best, at least at first. He can go for more rounds than the average human just because he’s an angel, but he’s so unbelievably sensitive that the rounds themselves are rather short. It’s been so long since he’s had anyone touch him sexually that he ended up cumming in his pants the first time he was with his partner. With time, his stamina will improve drastically, probably to the point where he could easily outlast them, but he needs some practice to get there.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Toys aren’t something Simeon has ever really thought about using or has ever owned. When he sees the huge variety of toys that exist, he feels excited to try them out, mostly relying on his partner’s preferences and recommendations to pick some. He quickly learns that he really enjoys having them use different toys on him and, in turn, he loves the new opportunities the toys give him when it comes to pleasuring them in return. The possessive, prideful part of him that is usually buried very much prefers making his partner feel good on his own, without toys to help, but most of the time, he doesn’t mind.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

The first time he teases his partner, it’s entirely accidental, his habit of going slow and taking his time exploring their body ends up making him tease them. Once he sees the way it makes them feel, though, he starts doing it on purpose, wanting to see more of their reactions. He’ll relent, with a smug little smile on his face, if they start begging, but until then, he plays the innocent card, pretending not to realise what he’s doing.

As much as he likes to dish it out, Simeon really can’t take much teasing. He’s so sensitive and desperate that he’ll start begging immediately, willing to do anything just to feel more of their touch.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Simeon is naturally very loud and he lets out the prettiest sounds. At first, he tries to muffle them and keep his volume down. He talks quite a bit, at least while he’s still able to form coherent thoughts, and loves to whisper sweet things to his partner in a breathy tone. The closer he gets to cumming, the more his words devolve into delicate gasps and high pitched moans. When he cums, he lets out the longest, breathiest whine that no amount of gritting his teeth or covering his mouth could smother. He’s very vocal throughout, and without some sort of soundproofing, his voice can very much be heard through the walls.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Simeon has a hard time controlling his wings during sex. He can’t focus hard enough to keep them hidden and they tend to have a mind of their own, fluttering and puffing up depending on how he feels. They’re quite sensitive in the moment too, especially at the base. In the end, he finds himself wrapping his wings around his partner as he pulls them close, keeping them warm and safe under his feathers. Unfortunately, this usually means that the bed is covered in feathers from all his flapping and wiggling.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Simeon has such a pretty cock, so perfectly smooth that it almost looks like a drawing rather than an actual dick. He’s large enough to be impressive without seeming intimidating, with just enough girth to feel like a stretch, but not be painful. It’ll still take some prep for his partner to take him, but it won’t be too difficult with some patience and plenty of lube.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Simeon’s libido isn’t very high at all, and sex isn’t something that’s on his mind constantly. What matters to him most is spending quality time with his partner, regardless of what they’re doing together. They usually need to be the one to actually initiate things, since he has no qualms with pushing down his need to avoid ruining the moment. With how much he values physical touch, it’s not hard for cuddles to become something more, and as long as there’s time for it, Simeon will never say no.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sex doesn’t exactly leave him feeling sleepy, but it does make him feel extraordinarily relaxed. He tends to follow his partner’s lead, staying awake longer if they don’t plan to sleep right away. With how warm and soft he feels, though, he has no trouble falling asleep quickly, cuddling them close to his chest to absorb more of their body heat. If it’s up to him, he prefers to share some casual pillow talk together, before falling asleep soon after. If he can avoid having to get up and be functional, he will.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me simeon #obey me smut #smut alphabet #lime time #anon ily this was a wonderful ask #it took fucking ages to finish tho lmao

[yukisohmasmokesweed]

what are your opinions on the thought process that Shigure groomed Akito so he could have control over them?

i think this opinion is a massive oversimplification of akito and shigure's power dynamic that has roots in the latent sexist idea that men inherently have power over women, as well as the heteronormative idea that love between a man and a woman is inherently romantic.

first off, i think it's a pretty bizarre assumption that a child could have the wherewithal and foresight to enact a complex series of actions that relies on the aggressor having a working knowledge of children's needs and behavior and years of planning and execution. people like to cite shigure's childhood declaration that he "...want[s] to make that [love] last forever...to give it form and make it [his]" as a statement of intent to groom and control. not only is this an absurd thing to say about a child who can't be any older than 10, it disregards two vital facets of akito and shigure's relationship: the magic in combination with shigure's own trauma. in my opinion, these lines speak to the power of the bond and how shigure interprets it. hatori and ayame reject it, the former letting himself sink into despair over his lack of control and festers in resentment, the latter completely removing himself from family life in order to avoid it. shigure, however, copes with the curse by diving in head first; just like the rest of the zodiac, he knows that there is no way out, so he embraces the good things about it in order to cope. in addition to this, though we don't know much about shigure's upbringing, we can assume based on his short interaction with his parents that he came from an emotionally neglectful home (expanded on here), so the prospect of unconditional love from akito is something he craves. i think these are much more reasonable motivations for the beginning of shigure's obsession rather than positing that grooming a person he had never met before he even went through puberty was his goal.

with regards to gendered power dynamics, i think this take severely underestimates the amount of abuse shigure withstands from akito. the idea that shigure is somehow in control of the relationship is simply not true; their relationship is DEFINED by their power struggle, which is a game that akito was winning until the very end. it ignores that men can be abused (and we see him being abused by akito, both physically and emotionally), and it also ignores that, in many toxic and abusive relationships, there is not always someone who is purely a victim. shigure is undoubtedly horrible to akito back—he is vindictive, cruel, and cold towards them. he also knows full well that he is one of akito's most important emotional supports and uses this position to manipulate them. however, his gender and age does NOT give him power over akito. he must do as akito says, both because of the magic and akito's position as the family head. while their relationship is not necessarily a victim-and-perpetrator situation, the power dynamic clearly favors akito, who is literally all-powerful and a professional abuser.

with regards to the heteronormative idea that men and women who love each other is inherently romantic: the scene most often referenced for this opinion is the scene between teenage shigure and child akito in chapter 101 where he tells akito he loves them. i do not interpret this scene to be romantic whatsoever, and i actually think it's really weird and telling that so many people do. these are two people whose only comfort is one another and have known each other since early childhood; i don't think it's weird at all for shigure to tell akito he loves them in this situation. given fb's focus on familial and platonic love, how platonic love can transform into romance, and the fact that akigure is a parallel to kyoru, i interpret this scene as entirely familial/platonic.

i can understand why people have this opinion: shigure is a man, and he's older, and he is a manipulator. he gives people very visceral reactions because he's incredibly well written. his actions do also fit into some of the stages of grooming, but it falls apart upon closer look (source): he targets a child (ie, he becomes close with his cousin who he is supernaturally bonded to against his free will), he gains the child's trust (ie, they become friends), and he fills a need, in this case akito's lack of parental support, all of which he does as a child himself. he does not, and cannot, isolate the child because he doesn't have the power to—akito's status would prevent them from being completely isolated (a good example of akito's position inherently giving them more power). when it comes to sexualizing the relationship, we just don't know, there isn't enough textual evidence to argue either way. as for the last step, maintaining control, shigure does NOT try and make akito think he is the only person who can fulfill akito's emotional and physical needs. in fact, he's doing the opposite; he WANTS akito to meet and be changed by tohru, and he has no problem with akito's intimate relationship with hatori, who probably provides more emotional and physical support to them than anyone. you could argue that shigure is trying to isolate akito by driving the other zodiacs away, but i don't think shigure attempting to separate an abuser from their victims is what "isolate" is meant to reflect here. so, as we can see, shigure fulfills SOME of the stages of grooming, but i don't think they hold up to scrutiny if you're thinking about fb in a nuanced and world-appropriate way.

i can also see why people misinterpret shigure's bid for control as some sort of abuse, but he states that he wants to be equal with akito, not above. i do think there is an aspect of misogyny here; shigure's masculinity, and the role that masculinity grants him in society, is threatened by akito's control over him, but i don't think having fragile masculinity and making grabs for power because of it when you're in an abusive relationship is abuse in turn.

i'm not trying to absolve shigure of anything here. he is cruel, he is manipulative, and he does things to hurt akito on purpose whether it's in revenge or not. but i don't think shigure meets the standards of being a groomer, and i think this assumption, in addition to what i previously stated, is a symptom of fandom misusing buzzwords to gain points. it's not a nuanced view and i think a lot of it, in my experience, comes from projection; shigure, in all his awfulness, is extremely easy to project onto. however, i think that there are some things in fb that are just not analogous to real life, and that this aspect of akito and shigure's relationship is one of them.

#ask #meta??? #takes a huge bong rip #csa mention #shigure #akito #shigure sohma #akito sohma #fruits basket

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homestuck^2: Fixing Yiffany’s Origins

So

In my reinvigoration for all things Homestuck and Homestuck adjacent, I’ve been thinking about the one most controversial thing that came out of Homesquared before it got paused, and I think pretty much everyone agrees on that:

Yiffany’s origin story is pretty awful right?

But, there ARE some things that her existence brings up, that are interesting to explore as character arcs on their own. Jade having a child is an immensely interesting story arc to explore, the reasons why she would want a child in the first place, the relationship struggles she’s been having coupled with her lonely isolated childhood leading her to think having a child would solve her continuing loneliness problems? The lengths she would go to in order to have a child that she’s 100% convinced is going to make her not lonely anymore, when frustrating biology problems come up, and the interesting experimental ways she would try to get around that? All of those are super interesting things to explore in an arc for Jade

So, how do we do that without, y’know, all that other terrible stuff that came tacked on with it?

So first, let’s fix the name please, so I don’t have to call her “Jade’s Kid” throughout all of this.

Her name is Annie Harley. She is Jade’s child and only Jade’s child, arguing that it wasn’t infidelity but still giving her Rose’s last name, things don’t work like that. Rose is in no way her parental figure or a part of her life. Also her name is something real and respectable and Annie the closest name with any dignity I could take from her, ugh, canon name, that maintains the kids 5 letter name theme. Motion Carried.

So, now let’s rewind. Why does Annie Harley exist?

So first, all of this stems from the problems Jade’s been having in the present. Where she feels lonely and left out when all her friends paired up without her, and her inexperience in actually forming and maintaining relationships because she was raised by a memory of a dead grandfather and a pet dog, and her current situation where she feels like she can’t form relationships at all no matter how she tries and worse, comparing her situation to that of DaveKat and RoseMary having such good relationships on their own. Stuck feeling somewhere halfway between jealous of them and longing for them. 

Neat! Now, let’s dive into how badly that affects her emotionally! And how desperate that might make her to find some solution to that hurtful problem!

Jade decides she wants to have a child because of this, erroneously thinking it would solve her issues with loneliness, but she comes across her first hurdle: She can’t get pregnant.

BUT NOW, It doesn’t have to be because she’s part male dog, but INSTEAD because the merger simply left her dna infertile! Just like how in real life, hybrid animals like Mules and Ligers are infertile because their DNA can only produce malformed nonviable zygotes. Jade, who HAS become a hybrid between incompatible mammals, human and canine, would have the exact same problem, so her own canon doesn’t even make sense in the first place, because she SHOULDN’T have been able to get Rose pregnant regardless, human and canine dna is incompatible in the first place, it cannot pair with anything to make anything, it cannot make zygotes. Adding more human to the mix doesn’t fix that problem. Plus, Jade is only like that because of a magical gameplay mechanic merger, she wasn’t born part canine naturally. Annie being born naturally is impossible. DNA just doesn’t work like that, can’t state that enough. 

Now her physical genital configuration doesn’t even matter because she’d be infertile regardless of what equipment she had. Now she could have been trans anyway in an actually tasteful manner. Because it literally wouldn’t matter either way. She could neither get pregnant herself, nor impregnate someone else. So now her being trans is no longer tied up directly in a distasteful plot about her body being the reason for relationship infidelity! What an easy fix!

So now, how DID Jade’s child come to be? And, why would Jade keep it a secret?

Maybe the reason Annie needed to be kept a major secret in the plot, wasn’t because her parent’s treated her existence like an embarrassing joke, OR because of any sort of infidelity on another character’s part.

What if, crazy thought, Annie is a desperately wanted, and genuinely loved child of Jade and has her life and personhood treated absolutely 100% seriously because of it?

What if, Annie had a different dubious origin that Jade herself alone would want to keep secret from everyone, because some part of her still recognized it was partially wrong to have a child in this method, but her desperate desire for a child that would solve all of her problems in one good stroke overrode that. She probably thought she was doing the equivalent of getting three birds with one stone sort of thing. 

So Jade never told anyone about Annie’s existence. Partially because she knew it was wrong what she did to make her, and partially because she knew further it would be wrong to forcibly involve other people in her child’s life just because of her origins. 

and what if it involved the technology that we know literally all of them have access if they wanted, but for some reason wasn’t considered in Homesquared: Ectobiology

Seriously, ectobiology is a thing that exists that every character has access to, why not use it here if nowhere else?? Infidelity plotlines don’t need to exist in a world where you can manufacture children with machinery.

SO.

What if Jade secretly stole pieces of dna from her different friends, Rose AND Dave, (nothing weird just hair or something), and ectobiologized herself to get pregnant from the combined dna of all three of them, but without their knowledge or consent to do so?

Jade has always been a bit of a scientist, a self-experimenter, so it makes sense she’d be willing to experiment with what was possible with her own body, dealing with the issues of how her body has changed from the dreamself merger as well. Remember how she made the robot dreamself? She’s always experimented and engineered herself in scientific ways. Struggling with the new wrench in her plans that she can't have a child the way she wants to, so it makes sense that she’d think to use the technology at her disposal to solve her own problems by herself. Since, as a loner with a lack of social ability, and from how she was raised, it makes sense she would try to fix her problems on her own. From how she specifically might be jealous of how EASY DaveKat and RoseMary get along, It makes sense that when choosing from pools of DNA to use, she’d pick Rose and Dave, people who are close to her, that she feels close to, that have relationships that she yearns for, that she maybe does unconsciously have feelings for or is just jealous of,  and this is her unhealthy way of coping with those feelings.

But, she fails to see that she’s horribly ill-equipped to be a proper parent, again failing to understand that relationships take work to maintain, that love isn’t automatic, but is built. So she falls back on parenting styles that she knows and doesn’t see issues with, the good old Harley tradition of long stretches of abandonment when things get difficult with the occasional re-connection in between. 

BUT, this works as a character arc that isn’t just Jade doing something bad, because there remains a genuine argument that Jade wasn’t entirely in the wrong here!

Afterall, every human being on earth C was ectobiologized from the 4 of them’s combined dna, (Roxy, Dirk, Jake and Jane all share their dna too) so this isn’t that different right? Plus, it’s not as if she singled out any one person’s to have a child from, her child has dna from multiple people, herself, Rose and Dave. The only one missing is John, so technically her child has 3/4ths of the only pool of human DNA she could have ever possibly had to begin with anyway. It’s literally as close to pressing a “random” button on their dna as she could have legitimately made it. AND she tried to handle it in a way that she believed was responsible, keep her a secret, don’t suddenly force an involvement in her child’s life upon anyone else, and don’t make it anyone else's problem or responsibility other than her own. AND, since her DNA is infertile, and uniquely incompatible with any living creature, if she wanted to make a family in the future with someone anyway, ectobiology would be her only method to do so anyway. 

But in the context of Jade specifically going for Rose and Dave’s dna without their consent, and deciding to avoid John’s DNA as well, to specifically create a person to then have a familial attachment too, is where the messy uncomfortable gray area comes into view for all them, because the real life equivalent is still Jade doing something incredibly weird and invasive, and still her cherry picking the familial attachments her child might have without those people’s consent, even if just unconsciously. Like, we don’t have ectobiology, but real people in our world have definitely done fucked up things like steal people’s used condoms in order to impregnate themselves without other people’s knowledge. Jade’s just done a much less fucked up and invasive, and arguably a much more justifiable, version of that when you think about it.

Now you have a great reason for Jade to keep Annie a secret, the reveal would still be a sudden shocking twist that’s immediately understandable how and why it happened for the reader, AND the reader would immediately understand how and why revealing that secret could cause conflicts in the relationships Jade has with her friends, and cause problems inside of the relationships themselves as they disagree and argue over how to handle what Jade did, without doing anything distasteful to those character’s pre-existing relationships when Annie is suddenly revealed to everyone! And HOW she was kept secret all this time is a lot more believable because now it's only Jade who knows, who has no partner to notice what's up, and who has already been established as living her own life distant from her friends. She can quite easily just not visit as often for a bit, maybe a year or so, the easiest kept secret ever.

Now you have free reign to delve into all the conflicts and questions and theoreticals Annie’s existence would cause in their friend group with nothing distasteful happening. 

It would be a genuine shocking twist that’s both in character for them all AND something the reader would both neither expect to happen, but could immediately understand how and why it would happen from Jade’s point of view.

As for how they affect the rest of the characters, it simply stems from them all being unsure of how to handle and interact with Jade’s sudden kid thats has existed for a long time already, knowing she was made partially from their DNA, but without their consent, but also cognizant that it wasn’t Annie’s fault what happened either, it’s Jade’s fault. 

Rose still has emotional hang ups from her own childhood where her mother was emotionally distant from her growing up. Now, being aware of Annie and how Jade went about raising her, with Jade doing the tried and true method of loving close parent when it’s easy, emotionally distant parent when it’s hard, leaving Annie alone for long stretches of time, because that’s how her grandfather raised her (and Jade doesn’t see anything wrong with that/Hasn’t figured out her real problems yet) AND knowing that Rose and Annie share a familial relationship in their dna, does Rose feel a responsibility to be a better mother figure to this child than Jade currently is being? Or since she never knew or consented to her existence, will she feel guilty also being emotionally distant to Annie from now on? It’s not like Annie expects any of them to be familiar with them in the first either right? And Annie’s already a teen, is that an excuse for it being too late to have a relationship with her now, or is that her just looking for an easy way out of the situation? She’ll have to struggle with her own reasons for reaching out to Annie or not. 

Dave has hang-ups about what it means to raise a kid too, obviously, it’s a can of worms he’s halfway opened but hasn’t fully delved into. But more likely is that he would have issues with the messy emotional relationship history between himself Jade and Karkat, would he view this as some underhanded attempt of Jade’s to insert herself into Dave and Karkat’s lives? (Even though that was obviously never her intent, she made the choice to keep her kid a secret from them all and become a mother alone specifically to avoid this) Would he feel a similar uncertainty as to how he views himself as related to the child now that the secret’s out in the open? A Father? An Uncle? Nothing to do with him? 

How do Karkat and Kanaya see it? Technically, it’s very similar to how a Mother Grub takes DNA from the populace to create new grubs that the ancestors have nothing to do with, and yes they take the DNA from trolls who are in mated pairs, but in the comic it was something trolls were forced to do under threat of culling as well, so DNA donation was not always something consented to per se in their culture either, and that was somewhat normalized for them. 

Definitely would view it as odd for a human to do, but I can easily see Kanaya and Karkat feeling less disturbed by what Jade did than Rose and Dave.  Either way, they don’t necessarily consider a sharing of DNA to be an indication of family responsibility either. Easily leading to some realistic tension and disagreements for how each person in the relationship is either comfortable or not comfortable with this. Perhaps Rose and Karkat are the ones that feel more emotionally hung up about Jade’s kid, while Kanaya and Dave are more chill and less perturbed. The different directions you could take this are very interesting, because it’s also a clear metaphor for the differences between Human and Troll society. Because in essence, Jade is a human who procreated in a very “Troll” way. 

But the true psychological mess here is with Jade, who, due to her being raised basically without a family, without a parent, and never coming to see how that was abnormal or may have adversely affected her emotional and social development, now struggles with familial relationships exactly as predicted. Which now affects how she handles relationships in the present. Not understanding that they take effort, that they don’t just automatically exist because you share blood, like her grandfather and her. 

Because underneath it all, Jade still mentally struggles with this feeling of loneliness that she’s had all her life, that maybe she never really recognized until she started living together in a society full of people, all getting together, her friends getting close, and forming relationships without her. Once again leaving her isolated and alone, and not understanding why, maybe feeling jealous of Rose and Dave specifically because of the happy stable relationships they've formed with Kanaya and Karkat.

So, when she continuously fails to hold a stable romantic relationship with anyone, sees everyone drifting away from, she thinks the only solution to her problem is to have a child, because she never figured out that maybe her grandfather didn’t actually love her, and she was alone because he abandoned her, and she just thinks that what a normal loving family is like. Her lack of social ability to get close to anyone then perpetuates itself, because if she never opens up to anyone about this, how would anyone even know that was the core of her issues in the first place? 

So she has a kid, thinking it will fix everything, and then she STILL doesn’t understand why she’s not getting along very well with her own kid, who isn’t being raised isolated from society like she was, but IS being raised somewhat distantly from her mother. She doesn’t understand Why it hasn’t fixed anything she thought having a child would fix. 

Because Jade still hasn’t figured out how to properly handle social and relationship problems, having a kid didn’t magically fix that, so she falls back into comfortable and predictable patterns. Feeling that when things aren’t working and all they do is argue, is for them to be alone from each other for a while to cool off and come back when they feel better. But “Awhile” from Jade’s perspective is just too long for a kid’s. Leading to her kid feeling abandoned at times and Jade having unearned closeness with her at other times. Leading to an overall loving but strained relationship that they both struggle to make feel like a genuine loving mother-daughter relationship. 

So then, what would I change about how it’s revealed?

As in this method, Jade raises her own daughter while keeping her a secret, of course she does, she loves her and Annie isn’t some terrible awful bad taste joke. 

Except in Jane’s corporate world, nothing is a secret forever, so of course she figures out what Jade did, and how horrified and shocked and disgusted she would be by it! She is partially justified in feeling that way about Jade, because from one standpoint, Jade is neglecting her daughter by abandoning her for long stretches of time and so far is not showing that she’s a great parent for Annie. Jane obviously thinks she can do much better, and justifies herself kidnapping Annie as the right thing to do for that reason, it being for her own good. Seeing herself as basically child services rescuing a poor neglected child in this scenario. Except it’s twisted by Jane being disgusted by the circumstances of Annie’s birth. She’s not the only one to see the similarities to troll reproduction, something Jane is canonically disgusted by, and therefore views her and treats her as a kind of subhuman abomination, letting Annie and Jane retain their mutually antagonistic positions in the plot, as mostly the same as it was.

If Jake knows about Annie, then he might justify it by seeing the similarities to how his grandmother (and alternate version of Jade herself) raised and ultimately abandoned him when he was young, but he can remain ignorant of Annie to make things cleaner also. Plus I would definitely make Annie’s kidnapping by Jane a much MUCH more recent event in this new scenario. Annie has lived under Jane’s rule for like, a year at most I’d say. Jane’s in full swing of her campaign, when she discovers Jade’s secret, and shocked and appalled by the whole situation, but also desperate to keep the whole thing under wraps, kidnaps Annie to “raise her properly” while also keeping her hidden away from everyone. Jade doesn’t notice right away, because Jane happened to kidnap Annie right after one of Jade’s “yeah parenting is hard, ima peace out for a while” moments. And it’s just been a year because Annie is a teen, much more able to take care of herself than when she was a younger child, maybe they had a bigger argument than usual about freedom and independence, and time is hard to figure for immortals who’ve lived thousands of years, maybe Jade didn’t intend to have been gone that long until oops Jane reveals she’s kidnapped Annie, and has had her kidnapped for a long while, queue the tears and guilt and crying from Jade, who would feel immensely guilty, and then revealing Annie to the others in desperation to fix that problem and save Annie. 

Then, her kidnapping would then actually be a sudden and emotionally devastating event for Jade when she realizes how long it took her to realize Annie had been kidnapped, and gives a length of time for Annie and Jane to form a strongly contentious enough relationship to make their interactions make sense too

It’s such a small change in the grand scheme of things, but it vastly improves almost everything about it I think.

So, thoughts?

Do you think this really fixes anything, or just more solely aims the fault on just Jade instead of spread between Rose and Jade? I certainly think it’s a much more believable route for the characters to take, especially Jade, because maybe she didn’t realize it was a fucked up thing to do, with how isolated her childhood was, that takes advantage of the fact that there’s a very easily justifiable method to do something arguably a bit fucked up that leaves things in a wonderfully messy grey area, without directly shitting over any previously established character or relationship. 

This is just how I would fix this character anyway, I think it would be much more in character for the characters to do things like this, but still be in line with the plot of homesquared without derailing what they were trying to go for, and a clean way to explore the psychological mess that would allow events to happen in this way

PLUS think of the Symbolism!!

Jade Harley Witch of Space would have LITERALLY gone through a Virgin Birth with this method and once again we would have a Space Player referencing the  Virgin Mary symbolism of self-procreation that was baked into sburb in the first place

The gnostic references! Jade as Sophia “improperly” reproducing to give birth to a figure that was considered wrong and strange by outsiders, Annie  as brand new Demiurge, to continue the creation cycle of SBURB as one of the new players in a brand new game! 

the wasted potential of it all! 

Now I’m actually upset that events DIDN’T happen like this lol

#Ruby Harlonde #Rose Lalonde #Jade Harley #Kanaya Maryam #Homestuck #Homestuck^2 #Homesquared #Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley #Yiffany