#I can make my own decisions

[when-november-ends]

3d planned my whole bedroom makeover and was really proud of the results and how cheap everything would be.

went to tell my mom the good news and before i can even finish my first sentence she interrupts me and tells me that the room is too small to fit another table, blah blah blah

i know she will also give me shit for how small it's gonna look when i put up the room dividers but i like it enclosed and comfy.

now im sad. :(

#im an adult #i don't know why she still complains about stuff like that #i can make my own decisions #:(

[jeeaark]

Let the latest patches add whatever new dialogue they write in, but Patch 0 gave me free range to ✨interpret✨ and this will forever be Greygold's canon, HA

For all intents, I did the hell heist as the last-last quest before the finale (So as to be fully prepared and supportive "finishing" babe's personal quest) AND BECAUSE OF THIS, I was tired. Greygold was tired. I was ready to beat the game. I was rushing. STEALING FROM RAPHAEL WAS STRESSING ME OUT. and I dared not go back. So even though Greygold did not want to go through with Haarlep's "game", I couldn't have picked a worse time to forget about their "always another way" philosophy Poor Half-orc was so determined not to fail Lae'zel's personal quest that, for once, ignored companion disapproval. And apparently, with Lae'zel not disapproving nakey Greygy, it looked like Babe was willing to retrieve that hammer no matter the cost either! Until Haarlep said they wanted nakey Greygy to play a "game" with them.

Babe disapproved that time. Babe, who's been cranky all this time, thought not even this way was worth getting the hammer for. Babe still cared about what happened to Greygold.

So by the gods, I happily reloaded and thankfully found a different way, HUAH. Thank you, Babe. Found out later that apparently going the Haarlep way would've suuuuucked. Saved by the babe. Thus I concluded why Babe was so cranky and can't kiss to save her life (I'm looking at you patch 6). And why Greygold's never had another hrm- pleasant conversation with Emps since the last time.

Poor sleep-deprived Lae'zel was bugged as hell killer coconut not because she was mad at Greyg, but because she'd been burning through all of her energy and affection by trying to protect Greygold from any further illithidry influence.

#bg3 spoilers #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #lae'zel #haarlep #greygold #bg3 fanart #bg3 comic #may not be a silly but was quite a pinnacle perception change/interpretation I had for Lae'zel #IT JUST FELT REALLY REASSURING TO KNOW LAE'ZEL STILL CARED BY NOT WANTING GREYG TO MAKE DUMB DECISIONS AFTER ALL THE BUGGED BEHAVIOR #GREYG'S LOVE LIFE WASN'T A MESS AS I THOUGHT IT WAS HA (it still was but not like a -hopeless- mess) I HAD HOPE AGAIN #HOUSE OF PINA COLADA HOPE #obviously Lae'zel kept those exhaustion points at bay by sleeping in camp during the day when not adventuring with Greygold #who needs buggy patch 6 kisses when I can DRAW MY OWN huehhuehHAR #Me. I need my fancy patch 6 kisses. Gimme.

[stil-lindigo]

the candle.

a comic about rediscovering passion and recovering from burnout.

creative notes:

#this comic ended up feeling so much more somber than i think i originally intended #i hope the conclusion at the end comes off more settled and happy than it does reluctant or disappointed #since i do feel that way. happy that is #its a cliche but returning to your inner child #just making stuff that YOU'D like to see more of #it does wonders for making you feel less like being a creator means giving away parts of yourself #im sorry if this is coming off as preachy #obviously you can do what you like #and im not ever gonna be the wisest person in the room #im barely into my 20s #but i spent almost a year torturing myself over what i wanted to be #deciding to just...do what i thought would be cool ended up being the best possible decision #its 10pm #this series makes me really marinate in my own issues #very pretentious but at this point its my brand #comic art #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Jingles a little bell in front of you to convince you to do tasks.

[First] Prev <--> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #jin ling #wei wuxian #lan jingyi #lan sizhui #A-qing #Not tagging XXC its too mean #Season 2 is underway! This episode has so much going on but it's a great season start #I adore how the juniors bicker in the opening scene....especially jin ling #I know there's more to him wanting to help out than just the jingle jangle of the clarity bell but also #from the outside it really does look like wwx jingled a little bell in front of him and made him go from 'not helping' to 'fine I'll help' #I also have failed to capitalize on the fact little jin ling has a bell on him. It has meaning and emotional weight. However. #JC really said: 'this little boy keeps getting underfoot and lost in crowds. I'll put a bell on him'. #Its stated that *all* the yunmeng jiang disciples had a clarity bell. Which is 1) funny to think they all wander off at times 2) owwww #Also extra 'Owww' the audio drama adds with this scene is the weight on how wwx never got to give baby JL the bell he carved as a gift #That little bell can hold so much significance to so many aspects of these character's lives. #'Clarity' as an adjective here is also pulling some fun weight. JL slowly coming to truly see myx/wwx as someone more than the rumours #have made him out to be. Teen discovers that you should make your own decisions about someone! Good for him! #JL is a great character and I like him more than my silly little comic design implies.

[lunabug2004]

Okay but if I get another “reasons why st5 will fail/reasons why I’m not watching st5” recommendation/TikTok/POST OF ANY KIND….. IM GONNA GO INSANE

Like, good for you ig 🤷🏼‍♀️ I couldn’t care less if you’re not watching tbh, and I respect your opinions/decisions… but don’t try to make others feel bad about still wanting to watch it. We are all humans and are all capable of making our own decisions thank you!

#sorry for the rant #and sorry if this comes off really aggressive #I just #I saw a tt tryna convince people not to watch #and got fed up #stranger things #stranger things 5 #byler #<— target audience #pls I’m not tryna be mean #but I can make my own decisions #I don’t need all this negativity rn either #like I want to enjoy my hyperfixations ty #sorry y’all I’m so mad #I’ll stop yapping now #Jay's saying stuff :)

[finnitesimal]

Brother if he agrees to the wedding those aren't his boundaries at all

#listen it does not matter to me whether or not qphil reciprocates the romantic part ok im still making my interpretations. #i do not care if he goes yeah i appreciate it m8 but i don't feelt hat way about you but i still care about you in my own way #i get that ive been expecting this outcome since april. #but IF phil decides to go yes my cubito is in bi denial and in love with his husband. then that is HIS decision #what are you gonna do?? are you gonna go philll that's against your boundarieeesss SHUT UP HE CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS. #He knows what the community's gonna do!!! he's a grown man on the internet he knows full well what people are Already Doing!!! #what do you think Im Not Missing Missa It's Fine was about HE FUCKING KNOWS. HE'S IN ON THE BIT

[fleshadept]

since i played disco elysium the only way i've been able to describe the feeling it instills is "shrimp emotions" because i really just have no words for it. none do it justice. melancholy, catharsis, hope, regret. there's so much and it's so interwoven

#far and away the best game i've ever played #i also have a whole essay floating in my head somewhere about the decision to make harry his own distinct character #you can try to choose the 'good' options or make choices you would make #but you're always haunted by what he did before the game even started #and limited by dialogue options based on his psyche #amazing use of the medium #cricket chirps #disco elysium

[svsss-fanon-exposed]

I saw someone saying that I “add my headcanons to my meta posts” and I just wanted to address that idea.

First, my posts are mainly for three purposes: to present quotes directly from canon, to examine original wordings and translation/cultural connotations, and lastly to provide my own analysis and interpretation of the quotes based off of what is said in canon and what can be reasonably inferred.

It’s not “my own headcanons.” It is meta analysis.

Even so— I point out the parts of my posts which are based on my interpretation instead of direct evidence. It’s not presenting headcanons within meta posts as canon, or basing analysis off of headcanons. I base analysis off of evidence, and make it clear when it’s analysis and interpretation. I also like to state multiple potential explanations and theories where they exist— sometimes I will also say which I ascribe to, but leave it up to readers to make their choices.

If I state something as fact, it is because it is backed up in the text or through cultural and linguistic details.

If you read one of my posts and think that I’m “including my headcanons” then please, please let me know, because I want these to be as accurate as possible. Don’t just vague-post about me! Because guess what, I’m human and make mistakes, and maybe I miss some detail or forget to add an “in my interpretation” clause. Or maybe there is canonical basis for my statement but it isn’t the post’s topic so I didn’t include it, in which case I would respond to your question with the quotes— for example, my recent post regarding Ning Yingying’s age.

Anyway. I don’t really care about being right the first time around, but I do care about being right by the end of it, so if I get something wrong or miss something tell me. Don’t make comments about me “adding my headcanons to my meta posts” like it’s some kind of intentional misleading. Because that’s what I am explicitly trying not to do and would appreciate the chance to either present my case or edit my post to match canon.

#psa #ultimately how much you want to take from my posts depends on your own preferences! #you can just take the quotes themselves #or you take the quotes and my explanations #or you take quotes and explanations and interpretations #but i explicitly include the direct quotes so that readers are able to see WHAT i am interpreting from #and make your own decisions whether to believe me or not

[translannisters]

I feel so incredibly normal about how Olenna had to kill Joffrey not only to protect her granddaughter from being brutalized but also to protect her family from the inevitability of Loras killing Joffrey to protect his sister from being brutalized. Meanwhile Joffrey's mother who emphatically Does Not Care what Joffrey does to women or to anyone (because caring might imply, among other things, that certain things that have happened to her also were not in fact acceptable) also had a Kingsguard brother who declared his willingness to kingslay to protect her... and who instead stood by all these years passively observing while her husband was hurting her. And a father who never would have given the matter of "maybe my daughter should not be married to a king who brutalizes her" even a moment's thought

#and so of course cersei simply must see margaery dead. it's that or her entire view of her own life crumbles #asoiaf #valyrianscrolls #cersei lannister #margaery tyrell #loras tyrell #jaime lannister #olenna tyrell #tywin lannister #i'm having a normal one as you can see! #loras @ jaime: i'm you but stronger. i'm you but i actually make decisions. i'm you but i haven't repressed my homosexuality #god i just. the tragedy of cersei's own father being able and willing to do so many war crimes but never ever to protect her #the tyrells whatever other faults they have. at least protect each other

[coquelicoq]

what i love about the Famous Actor Natori Shuuichi of it all is that...it's not just that he's famous and therefore widely recognizable wherever he goes. like yes that is very funny because he was an exorcist before he became a famous actor, which means he CHOSE, on purpose, a day job that would make it harder to hide his double life/secret identity from the hordes of his adoring public, but it's more than that. it's not just that he's famous, it's that he's famous specifically for being an ACTOR, aka a person whose job it is to dissimulate, to make believe, to inhabit roles and emotions other than his own. like he decided he was going to become as visible as possible (which again was literally not necessary! he could have gone into any other career for his day job!!) but in such a way that everyone would see him but no one would see him - they would just see his various made-up personas, including the Famous Actor Natori Shuuichi persona. i can't decide if he's a genius or if he just made so many absurd decisions that they canceled each other out and circled back around to working out. he's either playing 9-dimensional chess or he's eating the pieces. too soon to say.

#the other thing i love about it is that in a very real sense it's his actor day job that is his alter ego #being an exorcist is his normie job. he's just a famous celebrity on the side #which isn't that uncommon in secret identity setups but it's still very funny #natsume's book of friends #natsume yuujinchou #natori shuuichi #natsuyuu meta #my posts #f #i think probably the actual answer is that acting was a very natural career choice because he already masks so extensively #both to hide that he can see things other people can't (and that youkai exist and that he exorcises them) #and to hide what he's really feeling so that no one can use it against him #so if it's already something he has to do & he's good at it...why not have someone tell him exactly how to do it & get paid for it? #and the other part of the answer is that most ppl don't go into acting assuming they'll get famous. the fame was a side effect #so each decision as it was being made probably made perfect sense. but put them all together #and you have this hilarious assortment of elements that seem to directly contradict each other #okay also i would be remiss if i didn't mention the other possible answer which is that the attention came first and was unavoidable #and the acting developed from the need to protect himself from the attention that he was going to be attracting no matter what he did #because he's so beautiful. and (in the exorcist world specifically) because he's the last of the natori #the more i talk about it the more i'm like no becoming a famous actor was the only path that made any sense for him lol #1) he's gonna be watched no matter what bc he's him -> gotta figure out how to hide his secrets -> learn to act as self-defense #or 2) he's got secrets -> he's gotten a lot of practice hiding them -> hey you could make a career out of this! #all roads lead to actor natori shuuichi. and since he's beautiful...all roads lead to FAMOUS actor natori shuuichi #i love it when i ramble so much in the tags that i end up contradicting my own post lol #he's neither thinking ten steps ahead nor is he irrational. he's simply making sensible individual decisions #that follow logically from what is available to him and what his priorities are

[mainapnifavouritehoon]

hi guys i-

#Hey so i wanted to talk about this really bad this has been bothering me for quite some time #i have been busy a lot these days and i dont get time at all to do anything but i can see myself wasting my time just scrolling #I have school and then coaching and then ofc i have to study on my own for which i barely take out time as im highly careless #My last 2 exams went absolute shit and that fucking scares me because i'll be having my JEE soon #Mummy has been telling me to stay away from my phone and ik she trusts me but she but she deserves a daughter that studies ig? #And now i kind of consider that as an option because this phone is very very distracting #I have been thinking about deactivating but i realized it would mean i would lose all my precious posts and interactions #So i wont be deleting this blog as i am too attached (i will be coming back istg) #I will be taking a break and ig thats what yall call a hiatus #I will be giving away my phone to my parents (trust me i have to) #Ik this will be hard for me to just leave all of a sudden so i'll slowly start vanishing if that makes sense? #This message also doesnt mean that i will be shutting down my phone rn at this moment and that this is goodbye #This is just to prepare the people that i love and who love me that i will be highly inactive and not come online for maybe months #This is not an impulsive decisions i have really thought through this #Also just to tell you again MAIN ABHI GAYAB NAHI HONE WAALI BUT THODE TIME MEIN I WILL GO ON A BREAK THIS IS JUST A PRE HIATUS MESSAGE #Also i hope you guys will still love me and remember me once i come back #Because coming months are going to be hard for me #I hope you understand and ily guys okay? #(Oh god why am i so dramatic about everything) xoxo

[who-is-page]

What are your thoughts on the use of "ΘΔ", and where do you see it as appropriate/inappropriate to use? Thanks!

This question might be better directed at my partner system House of Chimeras (@liongoatsnake), who wrote and published Symbols Found In The Alterhuman & Related Communities. I'm afraid that while I know about the theta-delta's general history, I'm actually not very well-informed of the history behind "ΘΔ" separately as a character set used by the therian community. I want to say it was started by Ember (@synanthropic) on Twitter in late 2019 or early 2020 (the earliest use of it I can find on Twitter through its search bar is here, when a polytherian mentioned it in a reply to a suspended account, and I know Ember's account was suspended sometime during the Naia debacle in 2019-2021, which makes me feel like I'm right about this timeline?), but beyond that, I'm afraid I don't know enough to say much on it besides things that are already obvious (i.e. that people shouldn't combine the symbol with known hate symbols/movements). If there's a major controversy connected to "ΘΔ," then I am entirely unaware of it and have no knowledge of such. Sorry anon!

#ask #-intense shrugging- Ask one of the other scholars in the polycule on this one. I don't know enough to really get what you mean here. #Unless you're asking me for advice on when you shoudl use the theta delta in public? #Which is something I'm still not... especially qualified to answer. #I can give you my advice on being publicly alterhuman #but where you draw the line for how public you are is your own decision to make.

[a-story-teller]

Seriously one of the most confounding things in the world is pop-Christian moralizing.

"Is ASMR ok for Christians?? 🤨🤔😧" I'm not sure in what world it would be sinful to listen to soothing brushing, ocean sounds, and tapping, yet someone felt the need to ask the question, and someone else felt the need to make a YouTube video answering it. (I didn't watch it, so I don't know the verdict, but somehow you're trusting the verdict to a rando on YouTube and not Discernment from God?)

"Christian facials" because having a hot towel on your face and putting on serum is in any way aligned with a religion or lack thereof, and therefore needs to/even Can be made Christian?

"Christian-friendly sex positions" and the only difference is it's stick figures instead of realistic drawings, and instead of male/female or penetrator/receiver, it's husband/wife. Because you know those goofy health-book illustrations were distracting you from the righteous goal at hand: eating your girl out. But you can't call her your girl, you have to make it clear to everyone seeing you have sex (which... is just the 2 of you, right?) that you're having Good and Not Sinful sex, because you, a Husband, are Married to your Wife. Side note: the stick figures actively make it harder to figure out the intricacies of any of the positions and therefore are objectively shittier at doing what they're made to do.

Christian soap, christian mints, christian calendars, christian music, christian curtains, christian fiction, christian restaurants, christian news, christian shops. There are things in the world that are OK being secular. The fact that your soap does not have an icthus sign etched in that washes away in 3 days anyway does not make you a bad person, or even a bad christian. Your home does not need something Christian™️ in every room for people (or yourself!) not to forget you're christian... I assume?

The king who must say he is king, etcetera. This kind of mindset is so boggling to me, and reeks of nominative faith and deeeeep insecurity. Retail therapy but instead of buying temporary happiness you're buying temporary grace. Being so beholden to the dogma of organized religion that you go to any person feigning authority on the subject rather than using your own brain to make a decision. The idea that things can only be okay to interact with if they're explicitly christian, as though interacting with it as a christian doesn't inherently put it through a christian lens; as though you can only get things trickled down to you from church authority figures with robust enough constitutions to judge what's ok for you because you don't have the ability to think critically; as though you should stay away from what's "sinful" rather than, LIKE JESUS, be able to go into it and be a good example; as though instead of learning to be capable of handling it, you should be as weak to sin as possible; as though you have to go through the world with kid gloves because touching something dirty would soil your soul (which, of course this implies, is sparkling - impossible, arrogant, and kind of denying God, lol [actually, not lol, I'm expanding on that. Denying God by refusing to admit your own sin. Denying God by refusing his grace because you won't admit your own sin. Denying God by acting like his power couldn't absolve something as simple as being exposed to sin, let alone if you did end up making a miatake. Denying God by keeping yourself in Good Christian spaces and not being there for people who need outside help. There's more but I digress]).

Also, the childish áffect of refusing to say things as they are because that would be bad, but referring to it in euphamism is fine - or, transversely, that using colloquialisms is bad, but medical speak is fine, depending on what breed of crackpot christian you're dealing with. "Hanky-panky" just say sex. "Adult drinks" just say wine, beer, liquor. "Flower" for the love of all that is holy just say vulva/vagina/virginity. "Breasts" is fine to describe your chest but "boobs" is not. You can say "buttocks" but not "butt". Discussing bathroom activities is decisively not cool but if utterly necessary you must say "urine" and "feces" because pee and poop are too pedestrian.

Like, entire side tangent, but the weirdly widespread christian-ism of not discussing things frankly or discussing them super detachedly, but both preferring to never discuss them at all, regarding anything "potentially sinful" or "not spiritually uplifting" (usually boiling down to "anything physical") is so whack to me. Do not discuss your period, even in female spaces, because it's tmi. Don't talk about your health issues if they're not Clean enough subjects, even as something to pray about (like breast/prostate cancer, shitting diseases). Don't ever talk about your sex life except to wiggle your eyebrows at your kids when they're old enough. Don't hug your male friends, daughter. Don't play with your little cousins, son. Sex is so so bad but everything is about it, actually. Sex is so so great which is why you should feel guilty about ever wanting it. All nudity is sexual. Dress so they know you're a woman but also that you're a lady. Fart jokes are not allowed. You must remember that all men are looking at you with lust at all times but you can't hold that against them. All things that get you sweaty or muddy are bad. Hair on women is unnatural but just dandy for men, except we can't talk about pubic hair so you're just going to have to figure out on your own if it's less sinful to not think about your vag enough to do anything to it or to ensure you're free of all sinful hair. Here's how to do makeup in a god-honoring way, because you couldn't know on your own, and you must both jump through this hoop to be acceptable to your men but not have enough fun and personal expression with it for it to become anything other than a chore. It is wrong to kill, which is why we support the troops. We are supposed to help the poor, which is why I drive past the beggars that are dirty and ragged and smelly. We are supposed to celebrate God with our bodies, which is why my most spiritually moved state equates to slightly raising my arms.

I can't close this post without including my oft-quoted favorite example of this weird-ass pop-Christian phenomenon translating to real-life people in real-time thoughts: my mom saying she had to take into account "which ice cream flavor is most glorifying to God" at a froyo shop. Either it's raspberry, or she chose sin that day.

#to be SLIGHTLY fair to my mom she was trying to give an example of ''having God as priority 1 all the time'' to middle school me #Who thought (correctly) that there are plenty of things which God has no direction relation to or care towards #What color you wear or what sandwich you eat having no impact on your relationship to God #And mom tried to illustrate that it's about the intention to be mindful of God 24/7 by using the most batshit method available #thus cementing my point and giving me the best example of the effects of this thing to date #christianity #christian #theology #in which I read a book with a really problematic fanbase #religion #So much of ''christian'' culture is alien to me... so much of it I hate with a deep fervor... #I will raise my kids to be okay with the fact that they are physical beings with bodies #I will raise them to make their decisions themselves based on their own interpretations and direction #And I will raise them to know that the world will not sully them without their consent - that to be good does not mean to be free of sin - #and that they take from the world what they bring to it and can face ''bad'' things without turning to stone

[whumpshaped]

i love. all powerful whumpers. i know i talk about this a lot but i just really absolutely love when a whumper controls every aspect of whumpee's life. not even as a human, but more as a god. a being so far above whumpee that they genuinely have no chance of fighting back.

maybe whumper literally created whumpee, and is now playing with them like a puppet. and whumpee is forced to bump into the invisible walls of their confined world over and over again, realising again and again that they can only ever go as far as whumper allows.

and maybe... sometimes... whumpee thinks they have outwitted whumper. they find a little loophole, a glitch in the matrix, a tear in the fabric of their artificial reality. they take the opportunity immediately, thinking they're about to be free... only to end up as a pawn in whumper's game yet again. the opening was put there on purpose, specifically for whumpee to find. and where it led was entirely controlled. and whumper enjoyed every second of this delightful little show of whumpee feeling some hope, only for it to be violently ripped away.

again.

#im watching a stanley parable ultra deluxe playthru and it reminded me of my love for whumpers like this #specifically the ending where stanley decides to keep on the mind control machine #and the narrator is like oh? why keep it on? u want the control for urself? #u want control so bad? #u want ur own little story? #i'll give u ur own little story #and creates a fucking. timer that counts down from 2 mins to zero at the end of which everything will blow up #and continues to talk abt how stanley can have his little adventure now #isnt this so fun? #isnt this exciting? #isnt this what he wanted? #also the way he kept going on abt 'whats wrong stanley? running around not knowing what to do? are the choices u craved too much for u?' #'or did u perhaps think there was a way in this universe to turn off the timer?' #THE HOPELESSNESS OF IT ALL #THE HOPELESSNESS OF HAVING AN ENTITY CONTROL EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF UR LIFE AND EVERY DECISION U MAKE #EVERY DECISION U *CAN* MAKE #BECAUSE THE OPTIONS R CREATED BY THE ENTITY AS WELL.. #idk man i just love it #whump #whump prompt

[silver-horse]

Astarion alone meets the other spawn and again, the scene is different. He immediately tells them Cazador intends to sacrifice them.

#I have already found some of these scenes for the other companions... so I will be posting those as well #we can almost never make choices in these scenes...but it's not always super interesting... #sometimes they just say the dialogue they would otherwise say and the scene simply plays without choices #but there are usually some small unique moments and lines of dialogue so cool to experiment with this #bg3 #bg3 mine #video #links #youtube #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #dalyria #pale petras #my post #my posts #Youtube #bg3 spoilers #I can't wait to play the companion origins because I suspect that this is how scenes will play out there #and it seems like in moments where player choice is removed and he is already on a good path ... he makes far more good guy decisions #which makes sense for scenes where companions are played as origins because they have to get that character development on their own

[disdaidal]

I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.

Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3

#personal #i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week #i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here #but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting #i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday #where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get #after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks #but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that #what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed #so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try #because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times #which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even #so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call #from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today #and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out #'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out #because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own #i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still #but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously #so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me #i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but #at least i'd know #anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing #sorry