#I am not sober lol

[valleygirlfag]

I do find it quite fascinating how my desire to be killed sexually and cut open and eaten erotically came at a time when I'm not at all suicidal

#I am Not sober lol #apollo.txt

[volitioncheck]

does near every single post-canon DE fic out there need to be tagged ‘Sober Harry Du Bois’? i’m getting so tired of it.

do i expect every single piece of fan content to have to fully delve into the often-depressing always-complex topic of addiction? not really. sometimes you just want to write/read a silly fluffy romance one-shot, whatever. i get it. but i think my issue is specifically with the fact that for nearly every sillyfluffy au out there, there almost must be a ‘sober harry du bois’ tag. and it does feel very slapped-on more often than not.

i think to me it is an unconscious statement that nothing *good* can ever happen to harry du bois until he is completely and permanently sober. before solving the next big case, he has to be sober. before quitting the force, he has to be sober. before falling in love with kim, he has to be sober. before accomplishing anything, starting any sort of recovery, making any life improvement, he must first be sober.

sobriety as a goal, as a journey, and honestly as a concept in of itself is not as cut and dry as so many people think it is. and i think it would serve a lot of people well if they did some introspection on the implications of how nearly every single post-canon fic that isn’t dealing directly with harry’s addiction have him as completely sober instead.

if the plot of the fic isn’t going to touch directly on harry’s substance use (and again, i’m not demanding that every single fic should), why does that mean that sober!harry must be the default?

i think i am just tired of reading a casefic, a smutty one-shot, a fantasy au, whatever, where it almost seems that before getting on with the plot, the author feels obligated to first assure us that the harry we’re reading about is a Sober Harry. it’s established with a couple lines in the exposition, probably about his improved appearance, a tag up top, and then never brought up again; a checkmarked box. like the societal image of An Addict has completely prevented people from being able to imagine a person just, continuing to live life, while still struggling with addiction.

life happens, with all of its backslides and achievements, mundanity and changes, to people with drug addictions just as much as people who don’t. is a post-canon harry who isn’t sober not worth writing about?

i think so. i think the game we all played thinks so too. in fact i think that sentiment is woven into the game’s very core. i just wish i saw that reflected in our fan content more.

#i really hope my point is understandable in that it isn’t that i think that stories where harry *does* become sober aren’t also valuable. #or that i want every post-canon harry to *not* be sober. #but rather questioning why there seems to be a subconcious necessity for harry to be sober to have kind things happen to him. #disco elysium #harry du bois #also obligatory because i am putting this in the main tag: #this isn’t a callout or vague on any one person/creator/group of people in particular #it’s more of a prompt to discussion on a very broad trend #one informed by insidious biases that live in all of us because we live in a society etc #that none of us are immune to but all of us have a responsibility to acknowledge #if there is goal to this post it’s to provoke introspection. not individual attacks #anyways i love quietly consuming fan content until something annoys me enough to make my own post about it #i do wish i Participated in fan communities more tbh especially this one i’m just shy lol #most of the time. #me talking

[tigerr-cherry]

Throwing in the towel on this one lol

¡ Ramble below !

I'm still trying to figure out this digital art stuff as well as work on coloring bc it's one of my weak skills. We tried a new thing ! Instead of color picking my shades, I just did my base & shaded with overlay(?) Saved me time, but I just don't think it translates well ,,,, hmmm idk. I'm keeping the sketch just in case I visit back

Originally, this was supposed to be a narilamb/ experimental piece, buut I wasn't liking how Narinder's was coming out, so I scraped him to focus more on the lamb lol

#i need to stop looking at this before i end up hating it #so im posting it here #i am not sober enough 4 this lol #cult of the lamb #cotl lamb #cotl fanart #i hate coloring #my art #technically a wip

[o-wild-west-wind]

tumblr algorithm stop feeding me takes that this show is just a silly goofy comedy that shouldn’t include death or that Izzy is the token disabled elder queer on the show where an actual disabled elder queer is literally the romantic lead or that Lucius and Pete being called “mateys” is diluting their gayness because it’s not “husbands” or that it’s sexist that Zheng lost her fleet and later prioritized her love for a man or that Ed is Izzy’s abuser because we conveniently forgot all of season 1 or that trauma is never followed through with because sometimes actions are used instead of words or that Ed learned nothing because the inn was apparently a whim as if he hasn’t been obsessing over retirement from day 1 I swear did we even watch the same show?? I literally feel like I’m in backwards land?

I have a really novel concept for y’all complaining about character’s arcs not being fully resolved or healed and that’s called there is supposed to be another season of this show

I also have another really novel concept as to why every single character did not have a one on one trauma apology session and so much time was spent on Ed and Stede and that is because this is literally the Ed and Stede show and also sometimes parallels are meant to be inferred and extrapolated because that is what efficient storytelling does instead of spoonfeeding you

And my most novel concept of all as to why some beloved characters had less screen time is because Max is a massive jerk and cut the budget

Y’all this wasn’t personal and maybe this show was never about Izzy maybe the show called our flag means death is actually about death maybe sad does not equal homophobic letdown maybe the brown gay character introduced as the love interest from day 1 gets to outlive the angry white guy that had a redemption arc after actively bullying and trying to break up every gay couple for a season I don’t know what to tell you just can you please let non-white people have this arc for once without assuming it’s an attack on you I’m BEGGING y’all

#I’m sorry for overusing y’all I grew up country lmao #anyway. critical thinking when #I didn’t want to make more posts about this I’m just tired and seeing people denounce the show as homophobic #for killing the subtextually gay internalized homophobia character #in favor of the canonically gay brown protagonist #makes me feel more and more uncomfortable the more I see it #WHY do you defend him over the actual gay people esp. poc gay people like make it make sense #be sad he died I have a million posts about that but this strawmanning is getting concerning #bc what does this mean of your ability to recognize real homophobia #it’s not about you!!! and if you think his death means something about you PLEASE unpack that #I had a lovely night with friends and am not sober lol so if I seem salty that’s why I’m sorry for being a broken record #this is not anti-Izzy this is anti-baffling takes on Izzy #I’m sorry we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled kiss gif programming soon I don’t like these posts either #I just can’t resist a good hill #ofmd #ofmd season 2 #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 spoilers #fandom crit #our flag means death

[ofthehands]

Hey fellow lefton enjoyers, who do you think would make the first move? Been reading and watching a lot about TCM, and one of the primary things I've seen Hooper reference with Drayton is repression and Leftys got his whole religious deal. So who do you think bends first? Or does someone (or something) else Rube Goldberg machine them into realizing it?

#lefton #i would find sources on the repression stuff but i am so covid brained rn its not funny #also while leftys religious stuff could be to a normal level and hes just being quirky/ drunk at the time of the movie #i like making him religiously quirky too bc it keeps up that sawyer-like intensity that he has even while sober #he also might be protestant or baptist idk #the song he sings is primarily associated with Protestants but i think he coule be bapitist too bc of the area #though the baptist thing is personal experiance more than anything lol

[allylikethecat]

Omg, also a TS fan since debut and I massively took a step back from her personally prior to the reputation era because of her antics and victim complex. The music will always mean so so much to me, her lyrics mean so much to me, but her actions as a person and TS™️ as an entity is just weird and greedy. I think she accrued a lot of fans when she disappeared for a while who've completely constructed a narrative in their heads of who she is and they believe it and are eating up this current era, but those who've been here a long time know how PR and image driven it is. Exhausting.

I apologize in advance I have been having way too many feelings about this whole situation and how it relates to my identity as a 28 year old woman and you are about to get an oversharing novel in response lol

Also, I guess CW: this post is about Taylor Swift and if anyone sends me any kind of hate or whatnot related to my own personal opinions and feelings I will be deleting it because I am NOT playing that game.

My Aunt bought me the Debut album CD at a concert after seeing her open for Rascal Flatts. She was like "I thought that you would like her!" and she was RIGHT Taylor Swift became my entire personality. One of my FAVORITE core memories as a child was the day Fearless came out. For some reason we didn't have school, and my Mom and I watched Taylor on the Ellen show, and then we went to Target and bought the physical CD, we then drove around town so we could listen to it together. My mom hasn't been well and that is one of my favorite memories of us together. It's silly but when you're in middle school that kind of thing is important to you. Then in high school I actually got MADE FUN OF for wearing Taylor merch and being excited about Red. BUT I loved her music and felt like she actually stood for something, so I brushed it off and continued to be a HUGE Swiftie. I had the Taylor Swift dolls, I had the perfumes, I had the LOVE LOVE LOVE bracelet, I had the sundresses from WALMART. I saw her on the Fearless and 1989 tours, I had the fucking 1989 haircut. I was supposed to go to Loverfest.

I was still a HUGE Swiftie during the post 1989-pre Reputation eras, then the Reputation era. I'm a few years younger than her, but I felt like I could relate to the kind of manic panic that she was sharing with us (lol turns out I was just unmedicated and we're doing much better now). It felt (in my probably naive mind) like she was experiencing the same insecurities that I was and reacting accordingly. Was she playing the victim at times? Oh 100% BUT I also fully believe that she thought she was one. (Plus... Kim is my least favorite Kardashian lol)

I LOVED the Lover era even as it was shit on at the for the sunshine rainbow hyper colorful aesthetic. Like, I don't know if new fans realize but when Lover was released? It was NOT as beloved as it is now. Then Folklore and Evermore were absolute genius, it felt like Taylor had grown up, and she got all of these new fans, which was great! She was in an "adult" relationship and her music and publicity choices seemed to reflect that. It was so refreshing to see a celebrity keeping their personal life, personal, and sharing what they wanted to share through music. Midnights broke all kinds of records, again, amazing! Even if it wasn't as strong as say Folklore. I fought for my life and got Eras Tour tickets (opening weekend!!) I had the BEST TIME EVER.

Taylor has always been extremely calculated with her public image. She was over exposed during The 1989 era and the public turned on her, so I truly cannot figure out why she is doing it again 100x in this new era of whatever the fuck this is. I don't know her, maybe she is legitimately happy, or maybe this is a cry for help. But I have been so grossed out by her behavior lately, and how in your face everything is with Kelce. It's no secret that I hate Kelce (and people that know me IRL know that it's not a new Taylor related thing lol) and if she actually loves him, fine, that's great for her, BUT we don't need to see it! Yes she was public when she was dating Calvin but ALSO she was what 25-26? She's a 34 year old woman now with the biggest platform of any celebrity ever. She feels too old (and this is not me age shaming her because I would be grossed out if my friends were doing it, and I would be embarrassed if *I* were to ever do it) to be licking a man's face in public like this. This feels like sorority girl in her first college relationship (I was *in* a sorority for a hot second so this isn't hate on sorority girls either!) and not record breaking Grammy award winning artist. ALSO I feel like she used to come across as so articulate and well spoken? Controversial opinion but I thought she sounded like a fucking idiot in that Time Person of the Year piece.

I think that this whole thing is PR for something, but because it just feels too icky to be real, but I don't know what it's PR for, (trying to bury the Matty situation from May? Because if so that just makes me even more sad for him or trying to get back at Joe? Which if that's the case, I feel bad for him too and she's even more immature than I thought) and now, for the first time, AFTER SIXTEEN YEARS I'm embarrassed to be a fan of her, both because of her own actions and also the actions of her fanbase as a whole.

It feels really weird, and I know I'm being parasocial about it, but when the times got bad I always had her music to fall back on and now I just, I don't know it feels cheapened somehow because the current image that's being crafted doesn't match the one that we originally fell for. And you know what, people change, she's a celebrity, I don't know her, what she does DOES NOT affect me any way, and how I feel does not AFFECT HER in the slightest, and I know it's being parasocial but I feel like a big part of me is in mourning about it. Less because of her changing her image so drastically, and more so because I feel like I'm mourning the loss of childhood and joy that used to be associated with her music for me and I think that's what's making me the most sad.

I have Eras tour tickets for one of the London dates this summer. I'm probably going to still go, because I paid for them, and I also have tickets to see Noah Kahan that same week in London (... and also the Longines tour has ALSO decided that the London stop is that week...) But I don't consider myself a "big fan" anymore. Maybe I will be one day again, but this current image that she's putting out just isn't it for me.

Sorry for the longest Taylor related novel in existence, I have had a lot of bottled up feelings about this that feel ridiculous typing out and sharing out loud BUT I know I will feel better sending them into the interwebs and your ask was the perfect catalyst.

Thank you so much for sending this in and for your continued support! I hope you continue to enjoy my fics and my secret sports hot takes 😂

❤️Ally

#allylikethecat #ask ally #anon ask #keep it kind #i am so sorry this got so long #i just started word vomiting and couldnt stop #then i started crying thinking about my mom #and yeah anyway i am 100% sober just dramatic lol #dont worry i will still be working on you know where the city is #Fictional!2014/2015 taylor has not made me sad lol #and i know it doesnt matter or actually impact me and its super parasocial and probably not healthy that im sad about all of this #BUT i love projecting my feelings and shit onto other things #and why deal with the ~other trauma~ in my life #when i could just... be bummed out about taylor swift turning into a trashy hoe instead of the poet we thought she was #BUT IN IMPORTANT AND EXCITING NEWS #the way i am so hype for this beyonce country album #im not even a beyonce stan #i dont even know if i would go as far as saying im a casual fan #but 16 carriages is so good #and im so excited to see what the rest of the album has in store #also please be nice to me im being vulnerable on the internet #because i am too stubborn to be vulnerable in real life #... there is a 75% chance i am going to panic delete this later but oh well here it is

[cigayretteboy]

this is my almost 5am <3

#i am so sober and so normal #i am actually kinda crunk and so fucked in the brain lol #fiona apple

[footnoteinhistory]

.

#it is so hard to be sober sometimes lol. the urge to get plastered and feel all those drunk feelings everyone else gets to feel #it would be nice to let go and not be me for a while #to do stupid things and have something to blame them on that isn’t just ‘it is the way I am’ #it would be nice to be able to moderate #it would be nice if I could mess around with lower stakes. if it wasn’t my actual one precious life. #gaahhhhhhhhhhhh

[3amclem]

#i am really missing being not sober lol #ketamene #ketamane #tw drugs #drugs mention #meme

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

so am i sober enough to go to bed yet or,,,

#text #personal #tw alcohol #alcohol mention #that was very nice im much happier lmao #and i AM sleepy now but im not sure if ive come back to sober enough for that or if i should chug more water #maybe ill knit a few more rows and read #cannot accurately gauge how much i freaked my mom out #will reevaluate tomorrow lol #oh i should nano journal also still #good plan

[afaramir]

Your ™ (aside from faramir obv) is how unhinged you are about denethor AND having the most correct takes abt him🧡. Oh and also oranges maybe

AAAA...THANK YOU ??? THIS KNOCKED ME FLAT like for real i cannot express how much ive been thinking about this ask all day. like i was in the grocery store thinking about it. i cant decide if it's funnier if you've been here since i was 19 and a hater and watched me have my dramatic change of heart in real time or if youre new here and don't know my tragic backstory. TO ME it's hilarious to be assigned denethor girl bc like teenage me is having a heart attack but i bear the badge with pride nevertheless <3333 and thats what we call character growth!

pj had totally got me with the mad-and-vindictive-with-despair denethor gambit for years and years but literally i started working on the faramir goes to rivendell au and thought for about two seconds about how complex both faramir and boromir's relationships with their father are and how the film changes genuinely weaken all of their characters so much and did a total 180 degree turn on a dime. by doing denethor dirty i would automatically be doing faramir dirty and then i started thinking and went hang on a second he is so complex and interesting actually. like i can't emphasize how much that was the exact logic that allowed me to achieve this development.

i mean okay LISTEN TO ME oh my GOD denethor IS a good leader there's a reason why gondor stood so long alone against the enemy and he NEARLY fucking beat SAURON in 30 years worth of head-to-head knock-down-drag-out psychic stalemate warfare and he only falls into despair when he loses both of his sons. you don't need to like him to respect the achievement!

i almost put a read more here but fuck it denethorposting on main. hit j on your keyboard or do a big scroll if youre sick of me LOL

i am very well known for going totally feral over duty vs love dynamics and that is literally what is going on between denethor and his sons. he cannot be their father and their commander at the same time and they are at war!!! being their commander has to win out above all else!!! whether any of them like it or not!!! do you know what ruthlessness means do you understand that duty wins this one.

do u guys understand that denethor and faramir are a father and son who love each other above else and yet do not like each other at all. there was a schism somewhere there along the line and love without bitterness and political sniping and ideological misalignment is a DISTANT MEMORY. No Of Course He Shouldn't Have Said He Wished Faramir And Boromir's Places Exchanged Jesus Christ No Son Should Have To Hear That From Their Father But Girl Sometimes When You're Grieving You Say Stupid Shit That You Shouldn't Have. doesn't mean you should've said it but [pippin voice] we can understand poor denethor a bit better, huh?

its just so interesting to me to think about faramir and denethor's relationship from a standpoint of like. ok listen good stewards that are not good fathers and dutiful sons who will not compromise their moral compasses for love. i don't like you and i agree with approximately 1% of everything you've said ever and your expectations of me have always been unreasonably high even when i was a child but you also are the only person who could ever understand the terrifying psychic powers that just live inside my brain and you are probably the incarnation of lordly dignity and power that i have had and i have wanted to emulate all my life and i still have the instinct to ask for your approval even if i'm going to hate what you're going to say. and when i'm dying i will call out for you. and i don't like you and your moral compass is going to get you and me and everyone in our city killed and you haven't listened to a single thing i've said since you were fourteen and i fucking hate that you're listening to and trusting the fucking wizard over me but you are my best captain and you are everything that i wished i could've been without the war and you'll never understand that that's why i pushed you so hard i just wanted you to live. and if you couldn't live at least we could die together. LISTEN i am a faramir girl until the death you all KNOW THIS BUT THESE TWO THINGS ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE- [i am forcibly yanked offstage]

#from the inbox #Anonymous #THANK YOU YOU ARE AN ANGEL!!! I LOVE YOU!!! #sorry for how unhinged this answer got ive been drinking #my friday night: totally sober sitting quietly filing my taxes. my saturday night: wine drunk denethor ranting. i am an adult #you: ur brand is being unhinged about this specific topic. me tasked with talking about that topic: sorry for being unhinged. hilarious #idk like oh my god yeah the transgender allegory of 'parent insisting their child is dead while people cry out that they're still living' #fucks crazy. i fucking love that reading. but im tired of the madman-idiot-caricature lack of textually-referenced nuance out here! #bitch king faramir and complex noble lord denethor are actually concepts that are holding hands. To Me. #also YES!!! ORANGES!!! i have an orange tattoo lol i love you i'm glad i exist. there is secret lore but i think if i don't stop talking no #everyone who follows me will explode me with their minds #i am still taking trademark asks if anyone at all has read this far LOL #long post #SORRY AGAIN LMAOOO #denethor anon #denethorposting

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

@alexihollis​

#i am so sorry #i am drunk #BUT ALSO IM EXCITED FOR THE FIC THO #skskks ill read it tomorrow sober lol #miles spider socorro #spider socorro #spider sully #avatar #avatar the way of water #james cameron avatar #melissa bullshit #melissa og #melissa on avatar (cameron)

[themoonunderstoodmydadjokes]

Y’all ever just wanna have fun and not worry about anything but then your brain keeps yelling “be sad! Be sad right now! No fun only sad!

#I’m probably gonna delete this later lol #I am a mixed bag of emotions tonight #and I didn’t even drink #so sad hours are also sober sad hours #anyways you saw nothing #sad girl hours are here #sorry y’all #gonna have to deal with my emotions for the night