#I am not explaining why this is so fucking funny to me

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

i was trying to clean my room earlier but then i found this ACDC shirt i got as a christmas gift from a well intentioned aunt who really doesnt know all that much abt me, and i was suddenly struck with A Vision so i gave up cleaning to spend like 3 hours making this:

#i don't really listen to ACDC please call me a poser #it says :D #i always used to see this exact fucking shirt in those 'name three songs' type tiktoks so i made this bc i think im funny #my clothes #diy #punk clothes #yes i am tagging this as punk clothing bc i made it myself and whats more punk than making fun of being called a poser? #idk why im explaining myself here clearly i do not actually give a shit abt labels lmao #the real question is do i tag this as acdc? #eh why not #acdc #its great bc now this is a shirt ill actually wear :D

[andromeda3116]

boy i love getting tipsy and then drunk and gushing about my special interest to people who cannot possibly care about this even half as much as i do and being deeply annoying and embarrassing myself and wanting to crawl into a hole once the harsh light of sobriety hits

#like i cannot stress enough that i want to die right now #it's not a physical hangover it's a mental hangover. a ''why am i incapable of shutting the fuck up'' hangover. #i become so deeply annoying when drunk that i should not be allowed to use my phone #i turn into the goddamned boom de yada commercial and inflict it on everyone in range #like i go off about the discworld series a LOT #one time at a party i cornered two guys who had no science background and tried to explain how avogadro's number was found #i gush about fullmetal alchemist or the story structure of everything everywhere all at once #i cry over interstellar or the cosmos series #my friends and family back home all already know this and give me their ''sure thing sarah now let's get you to bed'' looks #too few people here have been exposed to this to yet know how to stop it #eta: i should also stress that when i discovered that said guys did not know what vsepr theory was my reaction was not to stop #it was to get a piece of paper and start explaining lewis dot structures #eta again: you know after considering this long-standing history of doing this i feel paradoxically less embarrassed #like it will be very funny to explain the avogadro's number story and all the things i have done this about #like look i'm sorry i hit you with my special interest gushing but i have done this many times before to many people #the ''drunk!sarah highbeams of random essays and lectures'' is well-established and tbh kind of a rite of passage at this point

[pluto-boy]

if my students DON'T question if i'm a trans man or a trans woman am i even doing this androgyny thing right

#MAN I JUST GOT THE CUTEST SET OF CLOTHES #and i sent it to my tutor #and the first thing she did was go 'this is why they're confused about your gender' like. yeah okay fair #it's so funny one of them fucked up my pronouns and then tried to correct it with feminine pronouns and then just sighed and apologized #me (amused): you know my name is benjamin right? like what trans woman would choose ben as her name #my student (dismayed): i'm so sorry. i am so sorry #me (laughing): it's all good i should've stayed a woman anyways i look 10x hotter as a femme #...this might explain why i can only rizz up butch lesbians i'm ngl #laughing hysterically

[todayisafridaynight]

If you had to choose between banging Aoki and banging Mine, which would you bang?

oh you're all gonna hate me

#these tags are vile dont look in here #snap chats #anyway aoki SORRY #the question of 'who and who not to bang' is a scientific one we have to look at the pros and cons #just feels illegal to want to fuck mine. daigo should be the only one fucking him and vice versa like im not a homewrecker #i am a hole wrecker tho and aoki's free real estate Move Over Im Bouta Get It #it'll be like the fourth time i mentioned it but masato and aoki's fuckability ranges and it's really funny #like masato is fuckable Because He's Fuckable like. he's just attractive Period #aoki's not ugly at all but he doesn't have the same appeal but he does have appeal to my ill brain #like it was the moment i saw him stomp his foot when he missed an attack and throw a fit that i was like 'oh no i have to fuck him' #LIKE ITS SO FUNNY AND PATHETIC LIKE i just know hed cry #not even an attraction thing just solely like. i cant even explain it #im in psychology rn and they are not telling me why i would fuck a character who is not fuckable. Sad! #not to say he doesnt have his cunty moments too like tbh SOMETIMES. i did play this game and go Eyo #sorry everyone the cats out of the bag id fuck the governor #i dont htink it was that much of a secret LMAOOOOOO #sorry.

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

5oclock in the morning about to watch Past Prologue for the very first time let’s fucking Go 

#The Emissary was so fucking goooooood wtf!!!! how did it make me fall in love with every single main character immediately!!!!! #sidenote will Miles' backstory ever be explained or was I just supposed to watch all 7 seasons of TNG before this #bc unfortunately I am not doing that <3 I saw that one ep with DOS where Miles was inexplicably a bg character there and that'll have to do #haven't liveblogged anything since fuckign SPN but I'm so nervous. have not slept also. #Julian was so funny in The Emissary. ''Surely we can just have a conversation with the Cardassians'' yeah I bet you'd like to #talk to a Cardassian wouldn't you. whore. #Star Trek: Deep Space 9 #<<< OH WE ARE FUCKING DOING ITTTTTTTTT #''OP why. why are you doing it.'' #1) fmovies.to rejected my plea to play the show twice before finally permitting it weeks later on my third try; a sign from Heaven #2) I'm so very excited to see the story of Empok Nor adapted to the big screen #I just hope the show respects the original story (various fanfics on ao3) :3 #and 3) Big Lizard Time #ok deep breaths. covering my face watching thru my fingers. #don't unfollow yet btw im posting a mash gifset tomorrow dont worry i swear to god im still on brand #Starky's Original Posts #Starky's Text Posts

[skeletxr]

.,

#you know i also forgot how extremely dysphoric gynocology offices make me #especially since its so busy and like #every person waiting is such a feminine pretty ~woman~ #and everything here is like WOMAN!!! WOMANLY CHECKUPS!!! HAHA WOMEN FEMALE AM I RIGHT #UPDATE HERE so i dont annoy or sound like im trying to do this on purpose #tumblrs just my journal w an audience JFNJD #idk why i was worried as bad my gyno is so great she explained #estorgen and progesterone when youre not on any hormonal balance meds vs when u are #laughed over her absolute suprise that i have a low cervix she was like OH. #so fuck you the BAD ex who said i had something wrong w my vagina bc how DARE i find penetration uncomfy!!! #at least now i know why!! now i know why tampons/cups are a pain fornme #its so good to get yhat validated #i already knew #anyways im real excited for this nuvaring im very much looking forward to my hormones balancing out #also i lost a lot of weight?? dunno if thats a good thing since i hardly been eating sijce february LMAHFDAO #the nurse was funny as hell when she asked if i smoke insaid ' #not cigarettes and she was like OH you smoke mary jay? alright ill say you smoke mary jay #an absolute delight #hated the fucking torture device tho it was more painful than last time fjdjjcjf #text

[pepprs]

kind of amazing that i get down on myself for having impostor syndrome and feeling constantly stupid and naive and radiating insecurity about being young all the time when actually there is a completely explainable reason for it which is that i live in this house 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

#groaning and laughing over liz memes with my siblings and explaining to my parents why ppl are doing this / why ppl hate her and #are celebrating her death and they start attacking me for relaying the information (and agreeing with it ♥️) and saying shit like This #Generation has no respect and are so cruel and classless and always pick at problems for no reason and make unfounded baseless claims when I #was literally reading them evidence of the awful things that happened under her reign and they were going i don’t believe that. LMFAO! ok. #and the generational disdain has been such an issue too. like our parents straight up think we are stupid! love and light 💖 #purrs #one of the worst fights i ever had with my mom that was the reason i started going to counseling happened bc of how jason mraz announced #that he was two-spirit and i was talking to my mom about it and said that he shouldn’t have called himself that bc he&: white and she BLEW #UP at me for like 3 days straight for trying to be ‘labelist’ about him and for caring about sexuality and ‘policing’ his / her language and #she literally went out of her way to pick a fight with someone on ig who was saying the thing i was to prove a point to me and she said othe #other extremely hurtful things about me being bi and about me having the audacity to ‘root for the underdog’ and how she was going to cut me #out of her life just like she did with her aunt because i push her buttons too much so ♥️ always very fun to get into debates with my parent #and i know it goes against literally everything i am supposed to know / be for me to be arguing like this and to be complaining about it and #even joking about queen elizabeth but like. idk. i feel so torn between how i feel. i know she was a human being yeah yeah but she was #also a colonialist monarch parasite and i genuinely think the way tumblr explodes when politicians and world leaders die is endearing and #exciting and funny. i adore my job and my colleagues and also working full time is killing me. i recognize that my parents are human beings #and that i am flawed and don’t know everything and am saying stuff without fully knowing what it means and also it makes me giddy to pick #fights with them a little bit. i am kind of a bad person i think and i care about it so much but also i don’t give a fuck anymore. nothing #in my life feels real rn and i am a scared creature in my skin all the time. so no i don’t feel like i can hold my own and represent my work #well because i am living a double life just wanting to play video games all the time and run away from everything but also wanting to create #the golden thing and help people open the door to a better world or whatever and i can’t tell wha ti want to do more because im fucking #EXHAUSTED and experiencing 15 kinds of despair at all times lol! #not to turn a post about queen elizabeth into a vent lmfao but i am so angry. it really fucking gets me that they think im stupid lol. like #i know im stupid for other reasons but it’s not fair to think im stupid because i am pointing out inequities and trying to help you learn or #whatever and it’s not fair that you think that im stupid because im a young person like im literally your fucking daughter and it is made st #STAGGERINGLY clear to me every day how you only wanted babies and you didn’t want us as the messy growing learning imperfectncomplicated #adults we are becoming and it fucking hurts and i hate you for it a little bit. lol 🤸🏻‍♀️ #delete later #idk what i even just typed i an just hitting post and letting the consequences roll in. im a bad person fuck it! #parents tw

[ruairy]

.

#when i worked weekdays regularly i never noticed how god damn rude somw of my coworkers were #im doing overtime now and i am just flabbergasted by how fucking rude half the ppl.i work with are #weekend staff are so friendly and chill #i will be honest i know Why and like not to be rude but its a bunch of middle age plus ppl working retail five days a week lol #dont fucking take it out on me u crusty bitch :) #weekday staff are actuly so funny tho thye dont know ANYTHING anf they work more days thab the weekend staff like how did u manage that #girlies pls explain how u dont know how to sort by department #pls tell me why ur sending a rail with ground floor stock onto the first floor #pls pls pls make sense #and then they have the audacity to say that weekend staff dont do anything #babes if u saw what we had to deal with on weekends ud pass out on the ground #i will not take this slander from u pls retire

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

made a little zine abt some of my favorite things in my room :]

#zine #mini zine #my art #i didnt explain the paul thing very well bc i had limited space. essentially tbis dude called me like six three in a row when i was hanging #with my friend #i got annoyed and answered to tell him he had the wrong number. despite this he called back AGAIN. hing uo after being told again he had #the wring number THEN TEXTED ME GOING 'wrong number this is paul' #LILE BRO WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME WHO YOU ARE IF ITS CLEAR YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER 😭 #anyways my friend and i found this guy hilarious and we had a fucking insane conversation with him. we texted him a few times MONTHS later #and then he blocked me bc i wouldnt tell him 'who i was' or 'why i started texting him' which like. HELLO??? I DIDNT START TEXTING YOU #WHY WOULD I TELL YOU WHO I AM WHEN ITS CLEAR WE DONT FUCKING KNOW EACH OTHER 😭 YOURE THE ONE WHO TEXTED ME WTF #anyways i gave him a fake first name which for some reason wasnt good enough for him so he blocked me :// sad. #i dont even knoe if the pic i have is actually of him or if his real name is paul so *shrugs*. either way he now sits on my wall in the #mouth of a hippo picture frame #bc it reminds me of a funny time with a friend :]

[cashmere-caveman]

wait ive never seen bridgerton but i just saw a gifset and the house/palace/manor(??) there looked so much like the one they used in xmen first class as the xavier residence

#xmen #bridgerton #huge if true (i cant explain why but this would be so funny to me) #also for the record i fully believe i am wrong #i inly saw like some edge tower and part of an outside staircase presumably leading up to the entrance so this is A Reach as the kids say #however. the vibes were there and i have seen xmfc so many fucking times that shit is burnt into my retinas permanently

[delusionsofspace]

YOU KNOW WHAT

I used to think some peoples pronouns were really stupid and made no sense and I'd judge a lot of kids/younger folk for using them (quietly at least, I'd never actually tell somebody off for it) but like. Updating my personal pronouns (my own pronouns not the bodies collective) and just going Silly with it has made things so much better for my brain

Gender is literally so made up do whatever you want forever, and if you find yourself getting mad at people for having fun, it's probably a you problem! Check yourself, be nice, have fun

#satt speaks #btw this is about emojipronouns and funny word pronouns #like I decided on using fuck/fucks and 💥/💥s because WHY NOT. I LIKE THEM. WHOSE GONNA STOP ME? THE GOVERNMENT? #So like yeah literally have fun with it do whatever makes you happy #adding that I am completely genderless so thats also why I refuse to use 'normal' ones. not that I need to explain myself #before this I literally used / as pronouns no I am not joking #also I have no name <3 so yeah #do whatever forever be yourself sparkle emoji

[sapsolais]

!

#damn! what a day captain and it's only 11 am #so i got dropped from my english class. which! is alright in itself y'know i think i woulda have 2 have done that anyway #bc stats has Money invested into it so i kinda. Have 2 do that HSJDHFJG. but also my english prof was just kind of #a dick. HDJDHFKFHGJHJ it's funny bc his name was essentially dick dickson. so #but just the way it happened was. eugh. i mean i tried participating today but he shut me down instead? and like wow #okay that was humiliating thanks. which in hindsight explains why no one in his class wants 2 contribute (bc he's an ass) #he did the same thing 2 a girl sitting behind me but much meaner? so i gave him my nastiest Side Eye HDJFHGKG #idk. i wanted to cry when i got to my car but i didn't solely bc imma ak #*acknowledge how i feel and breathe n then let it go. bc he was a prick anyway n i'm not gonna let him ruin my day i'm just Not. #so instead!! i got boba. and i'm getting one of my kids a cupcake bc it's his birthday today #n we're gonna make it good #w my free time at least!! i can finally start working out!! so that's actually really nice #n it's gotten colder lately so i can finally whip out the Trusty Bomber #w my haircut? and me abt 2 hit the gym?? it's butch season baby #makin it happen #next quarter i'm for sure gonna continue w stats i think n take a more laid back course on the side #n... also look into the teacher reviews before deciding on a class. HSDJHFJGHG #hm #gonna take a FAT fucking nap later #anyways #sap says

[29121996]

.

#gonna say smth slightlynfucked up but i dont care atp #i trest ppl like theyre a game piece if theyve hurt me so much like . #idk how to explain this and i wont bc it doesnt matter. but i realised tn that shile i love him #it wasnt enough for me to not treat his emotions like a game #atp he said i acted like thst and i ptobably was unintentionally unawars i was #bc lbr i do Know how to do it and i will do it on will when ive been deeply wounded n i wanna fuck w the other person a little #so i probably do unintentionally do it when i am Just Uoset yknow #but yes anyway i done burned this bridge Permenently for the foreseeable future bc i could not shut my mouth or let my rgo slide #i literally could feel my brain switching frim Rationally Calm to “fuck this lets burn it” it was So Funny #i will feel abt how i treated him. i know i will bc the last things i said were fucming Harsh. but atp i just wanted to hurt him :/ #i am a deeply flawd andnfucked yp pwrson its so upswtting this is so Hard #im fucking Doing it and im going to Get Better but its such . a long process. ive been at this for 2yrs and i dont feelcany different #like for the most psrt im the exaft same take away my approach and slight change in communication form #likw ik i cant . cimpare bc disorders are different bur my anxiety got better in 2yrs #like there was a drastic change - same w my ed. #so why the FUCK is bpd so mhch harder. #why is fundamentally cha ging my brain wiring so fucking hard #i will fucking . die

[chorus-communities]

eughhh system shit ramble

#i am so done with this shit. eden is lovely and all but at this point the fuckin identoty crisis confusion hell is affecting #me badly thru cocon its not even funny anymore its distressing and i dislike it. #headspace appearance can change we can find him a new quirk and hes already testing a list of names. idk. #i feel awful this is selfish this is my ' what if we sound cringe to Actual kinnies/systems/etc' anxiety #projected onto this poor fucker who doesnt even know who he is or why i cant look at him without cringing a bi #its unfair as fuck its. he wants to keep his quirk it means a lot to him and im tryna explain that its ok around #certain people we r close to or friends. but not in the public servers and not infront of certain people #not in places where we can get made fun of #i feel like shit abt this because he cares abt it so much but also its like the last thing to change and then bam. new alter. cant even #tell that hes a fictive. nd thatd b better fr my mental health too #i hate hyperfixating on actual specific characters and people this is why it NEVER ends well fucking kill me already and hand #hosting to someone else #cecil.vent

[f1dev1l]

SILLY GOOFY GAMER | LN4

pairing: lando norris x f!reader

summary: max decides to expose your drunk thoughts during lando's stream

warnings: alcohol, but not really?

you woke up to screams, with a pounding headache, now what the fuck was up with that, and this was definitely not your bed.

"why am i in max's bed," you asked as the heads of both said max and your boyfriend lando whipped to look at you where you were now propped up on your elbows, glaring at both the boys for the volume they were currently at.

"because you refused to go to bed with lando last night so he just put you in here and i took the couch," max explained as lando laughed at you, welcoming you into his arms as you got up and wrapped yourself around him, still hungover from whatever night you had had the night before.

"are you on stream?" you asked as you turned your head to look at the monitors in front of you.

"yeah, max got bored but we wanted to keep an eye on you so we just streamed in here," lando explained as he brushed your hair out of your face.

"yeah and you guys are fucking annoying," you grumbled, burying your head into lando's neck as he rubbed your back soothingly, almost luring you back to sleep.

"you had a party last night y/n, i don't know who let you have that much alcohol, but it was a funny sight," max said laughing at your disoriented figure.

"i don't know either, but i'm surely regretting it," you continued to grumble, just wanting to not have a headache anymore, "i didn't do anything bad did i?"

lando and max turned to look at each other and smirked, you didn't like the look of that.

"did i fucking fight someone," you questioned alarmed, eyebrows now raised in a rather violent questioning glance at the two boys.

both boys bursted out laughing while lando shook his head no, "no baby, you just lost your memory and forgot i was your boyfriend."

max had to breathe because of how hard he was laughing before trying to get his next words out, "lando literally went to go try to grab your hand to take you outside and you slapped him and told him to fuck off."

your jaw dropped as you turned to lando who was trying to stifle his laughter through his hand that wasn't currently wrapped around you.

"we managed to wrangle you into the car while you were grumbling about missing your boyfriend when he was literally right next to you the entire time," max said while he laughed some more at the face you currently held.

"i didn't hurt you did i," you asked grabbing your boyfriends face to turn it from left and right to see if you left any damage.

"no, i'm okay my love," lando said, looking at you with adoration as you held his face in your hands.

"what do you mean i refused to go to bed with lando," you asked turning to max.

max giggled again before answering with a smirk on his face, "lando was trying to get you ready for bed and into your bed when you claimed that he was a stranger and that you would only go to bed with your boyfriend and so he had to tell you my room was our guest room and you just face planted in my bed after he managed to get you in comfortable clothes."

"oh my gosh," you said while hiding your face into your boyfriend's neck.

both the boys laughed at you while you mumbled out a small, "never let me drink again."

"noted," was all she got as she pulled herself up to stand to get herself together and ready for the day, leaving the boys to be obnoxious to the twitch stream.

boy will she never be going out again with them.

#lando norris x reader #ln4 #lando norris #lando norris x you #lando norris x yn #lando norris imagine #lando norris fluff #lando norris one shot #max fewtrell #quadrant #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 #mclaren #ln4 x reader #f1 fluff

[yasu-1234]

friends with benefits with gojo satoru.

pairing: gojo satoru x afab reader words: 5,100 contains: oral sex, squirting, pronebone, choking, and gojo being unserious. mood: playful, sexy, sincere. author’s note: thank you for the kind reaction to lazy sunday morning 🙇‍♀️

You squint at him as you take in his request, wondering if he’s just messing with you as usual. You’re sitting next to him in your apartment unit; the balls of your feet digging on the edge of your couch as you slurp on a cup of boba tea.

“Dude. That’s not funny,” you manage to reply after a long, confused silence. “Like, I know it’s fun when we mess with each other but isn’t this a bit out of line?”

He scoffs dramatically. “I’m serious! Do I look like I’m joking?”

“Honestly? I can’t always tell,” you reply. “Kinda feels like everything is a joke to you sometimes.”

“Well, I’m not. I’m asking you nicely here. Do you wanna do it? With me?”

You open your mouth to respond, but then you realize you don't even know what to say.

Satoru scoots closer to you and leans forward, looking at you from above his sunglasses, his voice dropping into his teacher tone as he explains.

“Look, okay?” he starts. “We’ve been teasing and flirting with each other since the day we met. And I know it’s all jokes but still, there’s obviously some chemistry here. Not to mention that you're fucking hot. And I know you think that I’m hot too. Plus, all your Tinder matches are assholes. And I don’t even have the time to date or meet new people. So you and I are like, our most logical, convenient choice here.”

You huff and smile in disbelief. “Did you just assume that I think you’re hot? Someone’s a little cocky.”

“Come on. You have eyes. Get with the program.”

Your eyes cast a flickering gaze over his body, taking in the chiseled contours of his muscles underneath his– Oh. Ohhh. So that’s why he came wearing a compression shirt. And sweatpants. On a Friday evening. With your favorite cup of boba tea. He shoots you an impish grin as you shake your head at him and set his bribe down the coffee table.

“Fine,” you say. “I won’t deny that we’re kinda, sorta, maybe, compatible. But here’s the thing. I like our friendship the way it is. Why complicate it with some dumb, meaningless sex?”

“No, no, no. But it’s not gonna be dumb and meaningless,” he replies. “Cause it’s you.”

His words snare you speechless, your cheeks flushing red.

“Wait. Dude, what do you mean by that?” You stammer, laughing awkwardly.

“I’m saying I care about you and you mean something to me. If there’s anyone I’d wanna fuck on the regular, it’s you.”

“Satoru!” You lean away. “You really don’t have a filter do you?”

“I’m just being candid here! I trust you.”

He scoots even closer to you, holding you by the forearms. “And you trust me too, right? I promise I don’t wanna hurt you and I’m not playing tricks. I’m just asking.”

“And am I the first person you asked?”

“You’re the only person I’m gonna ask. If you say no, my dick is gonna concave. It’s over,” he replies.

You laugh at his words, and he laughs from the pleasure of making you laugh. Then his smile melts into an unwavering gaze, his eyes soft and sincere, pleading like a touch-starved cat.

“But seriously,” he continues, his fingertips graze your neck. “I meant what I said. You mean something to me. I don’t wanna hookup with some random stranger or a girlfriend who might break up with me. It has to be you, okay? I just know that whatever it is that we have it’s definitely gonna last. Whether it’s friendship or… something else. Something more. I don’t know.”

You can’t help but lean into his touch, “Your logic is so weird.”

“You’re weird.”

“No, you.”

You huff and smile. And then your gaze falls down to his lips. Soft, glossy, and inviting. The air is suddenly warm and still. And the silence between you grows heavy and pensive. With the shared understanding that you are sitting with him on the edge of a crumbling threshold. You look back into his eyes and notice that he’s looking at your lips too. His breathing becomes shallow and heavy with longing.

“What if we just kiss and see where it goes?” you ask.

He swallows hard, his lips parting, “Yeah…”

Satoru takes off his sunglasses and you lean towards each other. Slowly. Seeking reassurance, offering permission, with every inch of space you close between yourselves. At some point, his eyelids fall shut. His silver lashes flutter as he moves closer and closer. You can smell his sweet breath, feel the warmth radiating from his skin, and the firmness of his thumb against your cheek.

You close your eyes and press your lips against his, softly, then with a swift gradation of hunger as Satoru grabs the back of your neck, pulling you against him, deepening the kiss.

“Mmnh… ” You hear a soft hum of pleasure from deep in his chest.

His lips feel soft like rose petals, puckering and relaxing as he relishes the feeling of your lips against his. He’s kissing you. You’re kissing him back. And you start laughing against his lips as reality cuts through that fog. He pulls back, surprised by your reaction.

“What?” he asks, laughing now too. “Don’t tell me I suck.”

“No, no, you’re fine,” you reply. “It’s just—I can’t believe I’m kissing my friend. On the mouth.”

He smirks, “You wanna kiss something else?”

You smack his shoulder, blushing and laughing, “Shut up!”

“Hey, I was quiet,” he yells, gesturing to himself now. “You’re the one who started laughing!”

“Okay, fine! I’m sorry! I just couldn’t take it seriously.”

“We never really took anything seriously. That’s what makes it so fun,” He says, placing his hands on your waist. “I like that we can laugh about everything. Even things like this.”

You smile, “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

You lean towards each other and kiss once again. This time, you part your lips, and his tongue swipes softly against yours, gentle yet demanding, coating your mouth with a sweet, buttery taste. His hands are warm as it rests on your collarbones. And you feel his fingers crawl upwards to the back of your neck, grabbing you by the scalp to hold your head still.

The rest of the world starts to sway and melt into open water. And you cling to him as if he’s the only thing keeping you afloat. You break the kiss to gasp for some air, hoping to feel solid ground again. While Satoru presses his forehead against yours. His eyes shut and his lips trembling, hoping you would let him taste you again.

“We’re gonna keep going aren’t we…” you whisper, breathlessly.

“Hell yeah,” he whispers back.

His hands slide under your thighs and he pulls you to his lap. You lean down to kiss him once again. Satoru moans and grabs your hips to press you down to his crotch, craving some pressure against his aching, hardening cock.

“I just… need your weight… right here…” he mutters in between kisses. His hips press upwards to meet you, and you gasp as you feel his thick girth squeeze and rub between your legs. Shuddering as you wonder how he’ll cram all that cock inside of you.

“You feel that? That’s your fault,” he hisses, sighing in relief.

“Aww, are you that pent up?” You tease as you start rocking across his length, following the slow rhythm of his hips.

“You know it… It’s been a while.”

A strangled sound leaves his throat and his head hangs back from the couch as you grind on him. His eyes shut and his lips parted in relief. He grabs you firmly by the backside, keeping you pressed against him.

A moment later, Satoru tilts his head back up to look at you with a hazy gaze and notices your stiff nipples underneath your oversized shirt. He leans forward and nips at one of your buds with his teeth.

You yelp at the sudden prick of pain, “What the fuck!”

You recoil and cover your chest with your hands.

“Hehe, I've always wanted to do that,” he says. He takes your wrists and pries them away from your chest, holding them tightly behind your back with a single, large fist. “You never wear a bra when I’m coming over. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Or were you hoping that I would?”

“It’s my apartment. I would’ve worn a bra if I knew you were gawking,” you retort.

He leans to press his lips softly on your breast, soothing the sting in your nipple through the fabric of your shirt. You sigh and bite your lip.

“You’re not answering my question,” he says, looking at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “So maybe I’ll just think however I want. And I think you wanted me to see it.”

Satoru starts kissing the base of your neck as his hand disappears under your shirt; you shiver as you feel his long fingers draw a smooth trail up your spine that turns into a light scratch as his hand pivots across your rib and towards your chest. You feel his cock jump underneath his sweats the moment he feels your breast.

“Damn, you’re soft,” he sighs. He bunches the hem of your shirt and raises it up, exposing your breasts to him. “Here, hold this."

He stuffs your mouth with your shirt to hold it up.

Before you can protest, Satoru leans down to drag a soft tongue over your nipple. Then he opens his mouth to suckle as much of your breast as possible. You bite down on your shirt, holding a moan as he flicks you over and over with his tongue, and then finishing with smacking kisses before he moves his lips across your chest to tease the other. Your torso twists and recoils from the raw, yet delicate sensation. But he pulls on your wrists to keep your back arched in his direction. The ache and heat between your legs become more and more unbearable, so you continue rubbing your crotch against the iron-hard bulge in his lap. Giving yourself some much-needed relief.

“Mmmh, that’s right, keep grinding on me,” he murmurs. “Make that pussy feel good.”

You shoot him a repulsed look. Though you're unable to snark at him through the makeshift gag he shoved in your mouth. Satoru laughs anyway, knowing exactly what you’re thinking. You’re such a sleaze.

“Oh come on. I’m how you like me,” he teases. “And if you keep looking at me like that I might actually bust.”

You roll your eyes at him and smile. And that only made Satoru greedier for any and all reactions he can coax out of your body. He grins and sets you back down the couch. Then he kneels on the floor between your legs and drags your shorts and panties down to the floor. You spread your legs for him, almost involuntarily. And he bites his lip as you show him the tender, sopping mess between your legs. His hands on your thighs feel searing hot as he raises your limbs up the couch, planting your feet on the edge of your seat.

“Play with your clit,” he tells you. “Show me how you tease it.”

Surprisingly, you obey. Your hand starts drawing languid circles around and around your bud. He leans in closer to observe you. Noting the rhythm, the pressure, how tightly or how widely you stroke yourself. You realize that he’s teaching himself how to make you feel good. And that only made you rub faster and harder in blatant, bare-faced need.

“Yes, that’s right. Keep going,” he encourages you. “Now put a finger in. Fuck yourself a little.”

You slip your finger and start gliding in and out. He nods and hums in pleasure as he watches you with unabashed lust and fascination. Like you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. You milk and ride your delicate fingers, stoking and tending to your own pleasure like a flame.

“Okay stop,” he says. He pulls your hands away. “I got the gist of it.”

“The gist, huh?” You taunt. “You think that’s enough?”

“You tell me.”

He parts your lips with his thumbs and glides a wide tongue along your slit. Your back bows and a moan escapes you as he licks you just like that.

Satoru doesn’t even take the time to gloat. His lips and tongue start to slurp and smack relentlessly. Making your toes curl and your stomach writhe. Grabbing a handful of his hair and nearly ripping it off his scalp as he somehow licks faster and sucks harder. With the rhythm and the consistency of a goddamn machine. You bite hard on the fleshy base of your thumb as he pleasures your pussy raw. Focusing your eyes on whatever random object you find in your living room to make yourself last longer. Cause you know you’ll never hear the end of it if you come all over his mouth within the first two minutes.

But then he slides in his fingers. Those fucking fingers. Smooth and long and dexterous as it moves in and out, over and over, curling to press that intense spot just underneath your bladder. You start to feel a deep sense of pressure, an urgency, somewhere inside your walls. That builds and rumbles and sears… and then explodes.

You grunt and arch as you feel a sudden release, something more than a climax. Your body grows taut and snared by euphoria, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, your hearing muffled as your ears start to ring. But Satoru’s voice cuts through the haze.

“Whoa there! I didn’t know I was in the splash zone!”

You snap your head back down and your jaw drops at the sight of him.

“Holy shit. Did I just– Oh my god. Oh my god, I'm so sorry,” you stammer, mortified. You grab your shirt to try to wipe him.

“Haha, hey. Relax. You didn’t actually hit me,” he says with a soft, reassuring laugh. He turns his body to an angle to show your watery spent hovering centimeters before his face. “See? All safe and dry. Unlike you.”

“Oh, shut it,” you sigh, panting heavily. “That… seriously never happened before.”

“Really? Never?” he asks with a smug grin, he starts wiping himself with your shirt before tossing it down the wooden floor. "Wow… I'm flattered."

Satoru kisses your thighs and leans down between your legs once again. You jolt and push his head away.

“Wait, I don’t think I-“

“Just a few kisses,” he says in a soft voice. “Just lemme get a few more kisses in there, yeah? I’ll be gentle with it.”

You sigh and slowly let go of his head. Satoru leans in to plant a few soft kisses on your outer lips, on your folds, your entrance–your entire body twitching with every touch of his lips. Then he presses his lips tenderly on your clit. And you feel it pulse and throb as his lips linger and your legs begin to tremble. He finally pulls away, wiping his mouth on your inner thigh.

“If that wasn't one of the biggest ego boosts of my life,” he says fondly.

“Yeah, cause the one thing you need the most is another ego boost,” you retort as you wait for your bones and muscles to feel solid again. “I’ll get you for this.”

He grins, “That a promise or a threat?”

“Maybe both.”

“Alright, bet.”

Satoru stands to push his sweatpants down his thighs. Then he reaches inside his boxer-briefs to draw out…

the prettiest cock you’ve ever seen in your life.

“What the fuck,” you whisper to yourself as you watch Satoru shrug off his bottoms and straddle you. Instinctively, you wrap your hand around his cock and start stroking.

He looks at you with a smirk, “Gorgeous, right?”

His cock is long and proportionally thick from crown to root, shaped with a graceful upwards curve. His skin is glossy and flushed pink—wrapped tightly and smoothly around his organ without an inch of loose flesh. It’s almost uncanny how sculpted and elegant it looks. And the idea of his cock sinking past your throat makes your mouth water and your pussy pound.

“Go on, taste it,” he coaxes you. He doesn’t need to tell you twice.

You lean in and wrap your lips around his pretty, pink head—your tongue swirling and catching each leak of precum that drops onto your taste buds. Satoru moans and the neediness in his voice emboldens you to take more and more of him. You start swaying your head in deeper and deeper strokes; relishing the smooth underside of his cock. The thick scent of lavender on his skin and hair. The sweet and acidic taste of his precum. Satoru tries to breathe in deeply, only for his breath to shudder each time you sink your head.

“You’re pretty eager,” he teases, breathlessly. He runs his fingers through your scalp to hold your hair back, wanting to see more of your face as you work on him. “Do you want me to cum that badly? You want me to shoot my little babies down that throat?”

He yelps when you slap his inner thigh, your brow furrowed as you look at him with a flustered and reprimanding gaze. Though Satoru finds it pretty hard to take you seriously with his dick in your mouth. So he chuckles fondly instead.

“Or you can do that. I like it when you try to hurt me too,” he says.

You grab him by the back of his thighs, nails digging into his flesh, and you sink him deeper into your mouth. Satoru hisses and starts moving his hips, meeting your head downstroke. His cock starts to edge towards the back of your tongue, testing your gag reflex with every thrust. But you relax your throat and match your breathing with the swing of his hips, and soon you manage to bury him down your throat to the root. Your nose pressed firmly against the fluffy, white hairs of his crotch. Screw it. You let him hit the back of your throat over and over and over.

"Fuck," he moans. "At least try to make me last."

His hips pick up the pace. And you feel his muscles contract as his cock pushes towards release. You moan and pleasure him with the vibrations in your throat, wanting desperately to fill your taste buds with his cum.

But then he stops moving. His hands holding you stock-still against his crotch. You feel his cock twitch and throb in your throat, threatening to burst. And you can hear the strangled noises and whimpers coming from Satoru’s lips. You look up to him and see the look on his face; his brow is upturned, his eyes closed, and his jaw tight as he bites his lower lip. Looking like an angel in ecstasy. His eyes flutter open to peer down on you.

“Just a little more. Bear with me here,” he sighs. Then the twitching stops and he pulls his cock out. You gasp, forgetting you were holding your breath.

You shoot him an accusatory look.

“Did you just edge yourself?” You ask.

“What if I did?” He asks back.

“That’s not fair! I was winning!”

You lean forward towards his crotch but he holds you by the shoulders, laughing.

“It’s not a competition! I didn’t come all this way just to cum in your hand. Or your mouth,” he says with a smile. He reaches behind him to slide two fingers between your slit, gently caressing your inner lips. “I wanna cum here."

He starts gliding those long delicate fingers, up and down. Parting as he stretches you open. Your eyes glaze over as you feel that familiar heat building between your legs. Perhaps he’s right. Perhaps you would rather feel him burst inside you instead. You start moving your hips to rut against his fingers, your hands rolling your breasts as you gaze at him with cock-starved eyes. Satoru twitches as he relishes that look in your face. Wanting nothing else but to thrust and wring that neediness away.

“Bed?” He asks you.

“Bed,” you answer.

You yelp and giggle as he hoists you up and jogs to your bedroom. He doesn’t want to waste a single second. He flops you down on top of your sheets and takes his shirt off. His naked torso tightens as he notices you admiring his body. Taking in his broad shoulders, his square chest, his tiny waist and those grid-like abs. Eight packs… How many abs does a person need?

Satoru aligns his groin between your legs and lays his cock across your stomach like a ruler; measuring how deep he's about to go inside your body. You shiver as his tip caresses your belly button. Your pussy throbbing in equal parts fear and delight.

"You think you can take all this?" He asks you with a devious look in his eyes, with his lips curled into a smirk.

You bite your lips and mirror his gaze, almost provoking him to try and split you apart.

"Come and find out."

He rubs the tip of his cock against your clit and pushes it inside you. You moan as his thick head stretches you with just enough hint of pain to compliment the pleasure. He leans down and sticks his tongue out, prompting you to suck it and caress it with your own. The sensation of your soft tongues circling each other sends you into a fucking frenzy. You feel your inner walls contract and his groan spills straight into your mouth.

“Shit, you’re actually sucking me in,” he pants. He grabs you by the hair to tilt your head down, making you watch the way his cock sink between your legs—one girthy inch after the other. “Look at it go. Watch how well you're taking me right now.”

You both groan in relief as his cock disappears inside your soft cunt, his tip pressed flush against your cervix. You both take a moment to stare at your interlocked groins in fascination.

And then he looks at you to flash a nasty grin.

“Hey bestie…” Satoru purrs, his voice dripping with mischief and lust. “Guess who’s inside you?”

“Oh, come on!” you groan, smiling deliriously as you turn your head away from him. You try to cover your face, but he pins your wrists to the bed.

“No, say it. Who’s inside you? Who’s fucking you right now?” He insists, giggling. He tilts his body to face you again, preventing you from escaping his gaze. He withdraws his hips and drives his cock upwards with a rough thrust, knocking you backwards. You tilt your head back with a moan as he hits you in the womb.

“Say it,” he urges.

“Who else am I supposed to say? Jesus?” you reply, laughing as he does. “You are. You're inside me. Happy?"

“What am I doing?” He asks again. He starts rolling his hips, fucking you slowly. His crotch rubs against your clit in languid strokes.

“You’re fucking me,” you gasp. Your breath catches as you turn dizzy and nearly cross-eyed from ecstasy.

“That's right,” he replies, now caressing your face. “I got you, okay? I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

“You better,” you reply, wrapping your arms around him.

Satoru withdraws and flips you to lie flat on your stomach. Your legs pressed closely together as he parts your cheeks and aims his cock towards your entrance.

"Try not to gush all over your sheets, okay?" He teases. Then he nibbles your ear and plants kisses on your shoulders.

You sigh, “I just knew you were gonna bring that up.”

Satoru slides inside of you and you squirm and groan against the pillow instantaneously. The friction between your legs feels heightened as your muscles squeeze around him. He starts gyrating his hips, the tip of his cock hitting all the right spots with each downstroke. You grab the sheets and groan as you start kicking your feet from the raw, unadulterated pleasure.

He braces his hands on the small of your back. Then his hips move faster. Harder. Deeper. The slap of his skin nearly echoes inside your bedroom as he fucks the sanity out of your brain with each thrust. Your senses are overwhelmed by all things Satoru–the powdery scent of his skin, his pretty little moans in your ear, his smooth skin against your back, his comforting weight, and his thick cock pumping inside of you. With an angle so perfect and a rhythm so right that you wonder if his body was made for you. You squirm and writhe underneath him as the pleasure engulfs you like a flame. That he stokes and tends until it’s wild and uncontrollable.

You know it’s just sex. You know you’re just friends. You both just wanted to try something fun. Let off some steam. And yet you never felt used for a single moment. And despite all his teasing and provocations you’ve never felt insulted or uncomfortable. Satoru makes you laugh. He also makes you moan. And if he keeps fucking you like this he might actually make you cry.

Satoru collapses on top of you and starts groaning and whimpering against your neck, his abs flexing into stone as he stokes an impending climax.

"Fuck, fuck, I'm so close. Take me there, baby, take me all the way there, please," he rambles. “I want it, I want it, I want it. God, I wanna cum so bad."

He grabs you by the neck to tilt your head up and shoves his soft, sweet tongue inside your mouth. Kissing you with open lips. Saliva dripping down your chin. Then his hand starts to squeeze you, choking you gently and tenderly, and your body dissolves into a pleasurable haze. Your inner walls clench and your stomach tightens. You know you're getting close, too.

"Yes. That’s right. Good girl," he whispers into your lips. "Stay with me, baby. Stay close to me, I can't do this without you."

The pleasure builds, and builds, and builds, and then it shatters you. You start thrashing under his body as your climax rips through and seizes you. White light dances before your eyes and your hearing weakens from the strength of your pulse. Your pussy clenching so hard around his cock that he explodes inside you as well—his cum hot and searing like ignited oil. Satoru’s hips begin to stutter, helpless against the strength of his own spent as it shoots out and fills you straight to the womb until it leaks past your plugged entrance. He cums inside you in choking whimpers and grunts… that fade into a long, satisfied sigh.

“Hah… fuck… holy shit,” he pants. “What was that?”

“I never came so hard in my life,” you whisper, mindlessly.

“Me too… I thought I was gonna shoot my balls out.”

Satoru remains flat on your back, kissing and nibbling your nape as you unwind from the strength of your orgasms. Your bodies stay suctioned together, as still as the air that surrounds you. You seek comfort and grounding from his crushing weight and the heady sweetness of his scent as your mind slips into that blissful, post-orgasmic headspace. He tugs at his dick to pull out, but you’re still clamped and wound up tightly. That’s fine. He didn’t want this to end either. Your walls are just too soft, too warm, and too plush for him to just leave. He smiles and rolls your bodies to the side to spoon you; his arms wrapped around you like a blanket.

Satoru starts rubbing his face against your neck like a sweet, satisfied cat.

“So what do you think? You wanna do this again sometime?” He asks.

You could only hum in approval, your mind and your body feeling weightless and malleable.

“How long have you been meaning to sleep with me?” You ask. “Just curious.”

“… A while,” he answers after a pensive silence. “Does that bother you?”

"I guess not… But we’re still friends, right?” You ask. Wondering if you should even bring this up while he’s tucked inside you to the hilt.

"Friends with benefits, I guess," he shrugs. "But really, we can be anything you want. You already know how I feel so… ball's on your court."

He raises his head to look at you. "Why? You wanna get married?"

You laugh, "Maybe not that!"

“Why not? Lots of people marry their best friends.”

You turn your head and smirk at him, “I let you hit once and now you’re thinking about marriage. I must’ve been such a good lay.”

He smiles fondly and nuzzles your cheek, “You are, though. Seriously, who else can bring me to my knees like that? You’re the best I ever had.”

You roll your eyes and smile, “Now you’re just glazing.”

“It’s true,” He leans back down to kiss a trail from your ear to your shoulder. “I don’t care how you take me as long as we’re together. I like being with you. And now I know I like fucking you too. You’re not getting rid of me now. And like I said before. Whatever it is that we have, it'll definitely last.”

You stay silent, wondering where this all leads. Will the friendship really last? Will it fizzle out? Would you prefer that over a certain, bitter end? Is your friendship now contingent on sex? Will he be worth the heartache if you ever get attached?

Satoru laughs softly at your brooding.

“You don’t have to decide right now, you know?” He says. “Let’s just feel this moment together. Just feel me here with you. We don’t have to worry about anything else.”

He starts rocking his hips gently again, thrusting inside you with a pace so relaxing that you feel your consciousness sinking. He whispers softly against your ear; telling you secrets and sweet reassurances. Promises and high praises.

Satoru has leapt from that crumbling threshold. That boundary. That made you seek forgiveness whenever your fingers touched his hand. Or worry if you’ve taken your jokes too far. And he has opened his arms to you, beckoning you to take that leap and sink into that limbo between friendship and beyond. Promising you that he will catch you when you fall.

i wanted to capture that 'you cryin'?' energy of his and stretch it to a whole fanfic. though i hope it wasnt too much of a tone whiplash (•᷄- •᷅ ;) i just think annoying people is his love language. and he probs gets a kick from your reactions. pls let me know what you think! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

and thank you for giving this fanfic a chance!

originally posted on ao3 title is based on blurred lines by lauren layne. art by blooneey on pixiv

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