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#I am in love with early seasons Dean it's a problem :
amonsternamed · 4 months
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i, a menace, promised @amourduloup fic recs literally more than two months ago... and then i forgot. so many times. med school got crazy, lads. anyway, here are some fic recs (fifteen!!) for you legend! separated into wincest and gen; i added summaries and some of my thoughts! i really tried to pick ones that were dean-centric or captured his character well imo. let me know if you enjoy any of these and i'm always down to make more lists for you or anyone else! i like imparting my vast fic reading history on y'all.
also, i myself am finishing up my first wincest fic. anyone can let me know if you'd like to be tagged/informed when it's out! i've got some snippets on my blog.
wincest:
under my skin by yourkidney on LJ - 31k, alternating pov, early seasons.
my thoughts: it has been a long time since i read this one but i remember loving it. and i really related to it bc of the depiction of dean as having arithmomanic OCD, which i myself have! it's something i never considered for dean but it worked, strangely enough. it was a great casefic; ghost-ship that makes two people who behold it lose the barrier between their minds, driving them to eventual suicide.
desiderata by Dyed_Red on ao3 - 45k, ongoing, alternating pov, i think it's early seasons? if it isn't i don't think i comes up.
my thoughts: this fic is so fucking good! it's agonizing to read because of its intensity. worth it even if it's not done yet. also, it's somewhat "magic made them do it" which i enjoyed a lot.
summary: Dean is hit with a curse. It shouldn’t take that much to resolve, could be a gift under other circumstances, but life’s not that simple for the Winchesters.
odysseus, american by coyotesuspect on ao3 - 10k, dean pov, stanford era.
my thoughts: bitch i fuck so hard with an american odyssey! that's my city!!! i write that shit constantly! this is in honor of that. very moody and rambling and dean-centric. i really loved this fic.
summary: Dean finds Peter O'Toole's recording of the Odyssey in a bin marked “Audio" in Casa Grande's only used bookstore. The place smells like cigarette smoke and old books, and it reminds him of Sam. Stanford era.
buy you a mockingbird by candle_beck on ao3 - 10.2k, outsider pov, preseries/AU.
my thoughts: this one isn't dean-centric but this fic is absolutely insane. i love all this author's work. it's a john finds out fic and it haunts me. i think of her so frequently; it put a pit in my stomach. it does not have a happy ending, not in any way. i was fully screaming crying throwing up.
the summary says it all: A genuine horror story.
american myth by candle_beck on ao3 - 11.5k, sam pov, amorphous early seasons.
my thoughts: i gotta do another candle_beck fic they are such a legend. i need you to see that they contain multitudes and i honestly recommend reading all of their fics. but i really liked the dean characterization in this one.
summary: As long as you have a car, you are free, and other lies my country taught me.
bulletproof by road_rhythm on ao3 - 15.6k, dean pov, preseries.
my thoughts: this fic was??? so good?? it made me a little feral. i love the sam and dean dynamic in this, and the title is very apt. i will say nothing else but this: dubcon gun kink.
summary: Dean knows it can't go on, him and Sam. They're going to get caught and it's fucking them up. Problem is, he can't bring himself to end it, so he thinks up a way to get Sam to end it for him. He's sure it's gonna work. It's bulletproof.
yesterday, minnesota by applecrumbledore on ao3 - 29.7k, alternating pov, season 12.
my thoughts: listen i don't really know how it's possible to not have read the legendary roni's fics by now but i swear to god this bitch ass legend is a wizard. they capture dean's voice so fucking well it's offensive actually. this made me laugh out loud at parts, and cringe very hard at others, which is so fitting.
summary: Any initial awkwardness filtered away over a hundred miles of highway as Sam thumbed through the missing witch’s diary again. Some people had secret coke habits or secret second wives, and some people had passionate, pitch black, no-kissing sex with a family member every four to six months and never talked about it. You had to find ways to cope.
pine sweat by applecrumbledore on ao3 - 105k, alternating pov, season 5.
my thoughts: this is A FIC, honestly it might be The Fic. like what the fuck? fuck roni for being so brilliant it's painful. i usually do not like time travel fics but this one was something fucking else. a masterpiece. it's a beast but in a very good way.
summary: Sam watched Dean hack up firewood with his hatchet. The magically-induced heat wave had his shirt soaked with sweat.
“Did you ever have a, uh… experimental phase?” Sam smacked his lips, trying to think of a diplomatic way to phrase it. “That kid—by which I mean you—has been staring. At me. Kind of a lot.”
(Sam and Dean get sent back to 1996 and go on a hunt with their teenaged selves. The kids don't know who they are.)
dream fuckery by applecrumbledore on ao3 - 18.1k, dean pov, amorphous early seasons.
my thoughts: take this THIRD applecrumbledore rec as your PSA to read every single one of their fics. they fuck so severely!!!! like i want to be roni's bestie so fucking bad because their fics are so fucking good and i'm not ashamed to admit it. this fic was so funny and entertaining while still being true to the samdean dynamic. i love the way they write their sexual relationship as almost this monster between them. i was obsessed.
summary: "The spell's giving you nightmares?" Sam asked. "How bad?"
The guy in Dean's dream looked like Sam and sounded like Sam, and he'd never felt Sam’s teeth tugging at his lower lip but he figured that felt like Sam, too. His internal screaming reached a fever pitch.
"Fucking vile, dude. Can we please figure this shit out?"
the witch is dead by dear_tiger - 30.3k words, alternating pov, early seasons or preseries, i think.
my thoughts: sometimes i forget how brilliant some of the people on ao3 are. this is one of may favorite fics; it's a masterpiece. it's downright literary gold. the writing is gorgeous and atmospheric and it's a slow rooting kind of fic, like the love spell in dean.
summary: In 1988, three witches in Montana are growing a monster in their garden, and Sam is holiday snack. When Dean and John show up to get him, one witch is killed, and Dean gets a love curse that he keeps secret. As teenagers, Sam and Dean are living in a dying industrial town in Pennsylvania, where they come across a crooked old creature that takes an unusual interest in Dean. As adults, Sam and Dean return to Montana for a hunt and run into the two surviving witches who have been unsuccessfully trying to grow their monster. Dean, still carrying the love spell from the dead witch, is looking like perfect plant feed.
gen:
the gardner by deadlybride on ao3 - 13k, dean pov, late seasons.
my thoughts: this one made me cry i think. the prose was aching and beautiful. like a bear in hibernation longing to wake.
summary: Sam dies, on a hunt. Dean buries him and waits through the long year after.
flies in the vaseline by caranfindel on ao3 - 1.7k, dean pov, preseries.
my thoughts: this fic. this fic, jesus. it fits dean’s character well, and i love complicated john! it's a great look at what dean would be like as a teen.
summary: The best hunters don’t smoke.
you break me down (and build me up) by wordsfallapart on ao3 - 1k, dean pov, spoilers for s3.
my thoughts: this is pure fucking angst. it's technically part of a teenage au where spn starts earlier in sam and dean's lives, so dean is 20 when he goes to hell. i thought it was vicious and effective, and so tragic because dean's in hell for double his lifetime. i thought the mutism callback was good, and dean's relationship with anger and violence was exploited well, i think.
summary: dean's in hell. (or: a journey into demonhood.)
i'd give you my lungs (so you could breathe) by wordsfallapart - 2.8k, second person sam pov and third person dean pov.
my thoughts: this is a fic! it's a crazy! it's dean dealing with his baby brother's body! this is part of that same teenage au as that previous fic. very angsty. i think it does a good job of summarizing a lot of how dean feels in pseudo-parenting sam.
summary: sam dies. dean doesn't handle it well. (or: all hell breaks loose, people.)
tether by foolscapper - 8.2k, alternating pov, preseries/AU.
my thoughts: this one's angsty too. it hurt me a lot but i loved it. it was gut-wrenching but so sam and dean. and also john. catch me crying about this always.
summary: "It's hard to explain, what if feels like to just — stop being whole. I remember thinking about it a lot, when Dad and Dean started actually letting me go on hunts, you know...? I wondered what pain felt like to them, when they don't have the chemicals and nerves for it, no bodies to replicate the feeling. I wondered what tethers them to that kind of hurt, instead of running away from it."
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scoobydoodean · 4 months
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yeah… The angels are my favorite characters but even the “good” ones lean heavy towards amoral. Except Samandriel! Who Dean immediately liked. Definition of a skill issue
Dean LOVED Samandriel. And made love to Anna. And you know who else Dean immediately trusted? Ezekiel/Gadreel—specifically because Cas vouched for him. So what's all this about Dean hating assorted angels just because Cas likes them.
And then I have to ask myself who we can actually be mad at Dean for not liking. Am I supposed to be mad at him for not liking Uriel or Zachariah or Michael or Lucifer or Raphael? Are we rewriting history so that Dean is the one who killed Balthazar and not a paranoid Cas? Or maybe Dean should have been nicer to canon homophobe Hester who blamed him for all of Cas's problems because she had no actual clue wtf was going on. Or maybe Dean wasn't nice enough to Hannah, who literally ordered Cas to kill Dean because SHE was jealous and wanted Cas to prove his loyalty was ONLY to heaven. Or maybe he should have been nicer to Noami who tortured and lobotomized Cas for millennia and tried to mind control Cas into beating Dean to death.
I mean when EYE look at "Dean vs Angels" what I mainly see—besides the few who, like Cas, genuinely love humanity—is a bunch of jealous, homophobic asswipes who at best think Cas is gross to deign to even acknowledge the autonomy of a human. Large swaths of them hate Dean's guts and want him to die because he didn't roll over for them in season 4 like the mindless little robot they wanted him to be after their little eugenics program, and they spend the rest of the show screaming and crying about it like toddlers. Then there are the ones who are murderously obsessed with Cas and therefore rabidly jealous of Dean. Then there's an even larger swath that hates Cas's guts and wants him to die (not surprising given Cas murdered the bulk of them and then a few seasons later, made the rest unceremoniously drop out of heaven).
If they don't want Cas dead, they do want him to be loyal to heaven ONLY. Dean is not the one who didn't want Cas to have relationships outside of him. That was various angels—who literally tortured Cas at various points for caring about Dean, starting as early as season 4. Dean has been beaten to a bloody pulp more than once by an angel because those angels did not want Cas to have relationships.
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angelsdean · 11 months
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how is dean not the same as john. in the later seasons i mean. sorry but describing him as "not an angry man" is insane to me cause dean's number 1 of getting out his emotions is anger. i love dean as well but like. you know john tried to be better too right? like i dont really understand how you extend this huge hand to excuse some of dean's angry/bad tendencies (which imo makes him that mlre interesting: the fact that he is angry and he's sometimes not a particularly good person) but refuse to extend even a sliver of this to john? obviously i get that you're attached to dean way more than john thats like common sense for us deangirls but genuinely. cas died and dean did turn into his father. its a thing that happened. i love dean and i dont understand how you can call yourself a deanlover but... erase so much of him??? like you can say he has bad qualities. thats what makes him human. john and dean are much more similar than you claim and its genuinely confusing to me why you don't see that. not trying to start a fight or anything i genuinely would like to get a piece of your mind on this
no no no you misunderstand. i am not erasing ?? his anger. he IS angry (it's just that anger for dean is rarely actually anger). i also think his imperfections are what make him interesting. i talk abt this a lot actually. about how i don't believe in flatting ANY character to prop them up as your fave. people being messy and flawed is good. the problem i have is people who do not look at dean w/ any nuance and just point blank go: he's angry therefore he's abusive and equals john without examining WHY he's angry, where that anger originates from, the fact that his anger most often is Not true anger for the sake of anger or violence. instead, his anger most often stems from fear and grief. especially during widower's arc. he's drowning in grief and as much as we love jack and can see in hindsight that he wasn't a threat at all, dean doesn't know that! we as the audience get the privilege of often knowing and seeing more than the characters! all dean sees at the time is a Very powerful being, who IS the son of lucifer, and who he believes manipulated his best friend and got him killed. he does have every right to be afraid and wary of jack. (and i'd argue he has the right to feel this way again with soulless jack, he IS afraid of him and what he might do and he's also grieving mary and that mixture of grief + fear is where his anger-but-not-really-anger comes from). like, because of the way dean was raised, because of growing up with the angry man that is john, the only emotion that was really expressed and "allowed" was anger. anger was justified. crying and sadness and fear, that's weakness in john winchester's household. but anger was powerful and masculine and good.
i also DO look at john with nuance as well. i've talked about how i don't like when people reduce john to a flat caricature or cartoon villain abuser. there's more going on, there's nuance, their dynamic is so complicated. john is Also, at first, drowning in his own grief. i think early on, john DID try, and was mostly motivated by a desire to protect his family, but he went about it wrong and imperfectly. however, where they diverge, is that john continued to let his anger consume him for the sake of revenge. he neglected his children, he put them in danger through his repeated neglect, and he did (based on various pointed insinuations) at one point or another physically abuse them, most likely dean specifically (the line abt flagstaff, also less "canon" but in the john's journal book john mentions how dean was particularly responsive to "discipline" and that john feels he's been too soft on sam)
the thing is, being angry doesn't make you a bad person. being angry is human. dean's anger imo, and the way we see it manifest--most often when what he really wants to express is grief and fear--is indicative of his internalized behaviors learned from john and past trauma that remains unresolved. this man has never had a chance to COPE or unpack not only the abusive and controlling environment he grew up in, but all the subsequent years of trauma INCLUDING his hell trauma. that's a lot. all those bottled up feelings are gonna turn into a lot of anger and frustration. he doesn't suffer perfectly. like you said, and which i agree, he is not perfect. he's flawed. he's human. but i don't think being angry and suffering imperfectly makes him a bad person. i feel too much empathy and compassion for him. i can see struggling and i want someone to help him. sometimes when people are in pain they'll say or do things they don't mean. and yes, they may hurt people in the process and those people are allowed to feel upset, but dean is also hurting. and i don't think he's a horrible person for not suffering the "right" way or not being a "good victim." and that's how i view widower's arc, as someone who is deeply hurting and suffering. it's not excusing his behavior but it's not villainizing it either. john gets similar feelings from me too, to a point. but john took things further and actively abused and neglected his young children and raised them to be soldiers and made them put aside their dreams and desires in the name of HIS revenge quest. he raised his children to live in fear and used fear and violence to control them. however, despite the fact that *i* don't particularly like john winchester, i know that his dynamic w/ his sons is nuanced and i know that dean both Loves and Hates him and that both those feelings can and do co-exist and i enjoy that duality.
dean's complicated emotions during times of intense grief and stress (widower's arc, losing mary, finding out chuck was controlling his whole life) are isolated moments but do not speak for his whole self. outside these high stress situations, where what he's really feeling is fear / grief / worry, we usually see dean to be very compassionate and patient and good with children.
this is getting very long now and i don't know if you'll take the time to read all of it but i'd like to conclude with saying my main issue with the "angry man in the house" phrase is the way it is used out of context to paint dean as becoming john and taking the place of the angry man in the house, when the original context of the quote is about being haunted by the angry man you grew up with, not becoming him. i talk more in-depth about all of that in this post.
also, just as an aside but, i generally have two "modes" of operating on this blog. one is fangirl mode where yea, dean is my blorbo specialest princess who can do no wrong<3 and then there's the other mode where i'm doing formal analysis of canon where it's more abt dissecting things and talking meta and looking at WHY characters are acting how they are. that's when i talk abt their flaws and motivations and nuance and context. also, people are often needlessly harsh or over-exaggerate things dean said or did in canon just to villainize him and in those instances yes i will go to bat for dean and "defend" him, usually by just, pointing out the nuances and additional context for his actions that many choose to overlook or misinterpret just to make dean seem worse than he actually was.
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tiktaalic · 7 months
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Omg the fact that people hate Mary is absurd to me? You are watching a show about family trauma and difficulties and we are mad about the fact that she "wasn't as nice as Jody?"
She died because of a demon deal she made to get away from her batshit crazy family (aka bring back my boyfriend from the dead so I can get married and "saved" by my husband - also I lip locked with a demon who was wearing my father's body -You are watching a horror show! It is horrifying!)
Maybe I'm just real mad about this because I am right at this point early season 13 and I don't wanna see this go south thanks to misogyny.
(Also love the wire mother/cloth mother metaphor.)
people haaaaaaate when they're given dean but a girl. they hate it so bad. me im clapping my hands and cheering. yes girl have problems. have it just as bad or worse than deanwinchester
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spnangelbang · 10 months
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“A Gift of Penance for Your Sins” - Sunday, July 16
Author: Swirlycloud ( @kjosi​​ ) Artist:  babyhorseshoecrabe ( @babyhorseshoecrabe​​​ ) Rating: Teen and Up Featured characters: Castiel, Dean, Samandriel, Naomi, Chuck (god) Featured relationships:  Dean/Cas Length: 10,000 words Tags: Character study; Angel lobotomies; Quote: "Too much heart was always Castiel's problem"; Angel grace, wings and true forms; Worried Dean Winchester
Summary:  A study on Castiel and the effects of his love vs. how it impedes his desire to do penance. This is a story on the series of events of season 8 and early s9 and how this affected Cas and those around him  - includes gap scenes, flashbacks/memories, relationships, and POV from other characters. Canon-adjacent, destiel.
Excerpt:
Overpowered, Castiel is ravaged from the inside. Immeasurably heavy souls crush him and he feels his true form scream under their weight. He is, essentially, eaten alive.
Dean blows air from his lips. “I dunno, man. You look like you could use it. You have this…” He struggles for the right words. “You look hungry, if that makes sense.”
“I cannot be…” he starts in reply, but then stops. There’s been a rising, tingling sensation in him, one that he finds highly unsettling. “I…” He tries again, but Dean is staring at him expectantly, inches away. “I don’t feel like I have any control, anymore.” 
They promised to find him. And they will eat him. They will find the human, too, along with his vampire companion and consume them both. Re-absorbed continuously into terrifying limbo. Castiel cannot live with that. 
“You do seem a little off, Cas.” The folded paper is on its way to being shredded, at this point. Dean decides that the poor menu has gone through enough, and he tosses it onto the carpet floor. The fidgeting continues as he drums his fingers against his thigh. There’s no mistake; coupled with the faraway look on his face, something is mildly distressing him. 
It’s no less than Castiel feels in this moment, as well. How convenient that they match. He eyes Dean, wary of something turning inside himself. “I think I am hungry.” 
“You sound like Benny,” Dean chuckles, and begins to pull his phone out of his pocket, presumably to inform Sam to add another lo mein to the order.
Instead, Castiel reaches out with a hand over his arm, arresting any further movement. Dean feels too cool under him. Or is Castiel always just this warm? 
“We did have some things in common.”
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bi-bard · 1 year
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It's Like I'm Still Here with You - Jack Kline Imagine (Supernatural)
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Title: It's Like I'm Still Here with You
Pairing: Jack Kline X Reader
Based On: Still
Word Count: 950 words
Warning(s): spoilers for season 15/14, grieving, mention of canonical death/violence
Summary: [Early Season 15] After Chuck kills Jack, (Y/n) is left feeling guilty for grieving. Sam attempts to comfort them, only for (Y/n) to confess to something that no one had properly considered.
Author's Note: I am in pain. This deadass hurt so much.
STICK SEASON - NOAH KAHAN WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST
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I used to think that if I kept working then I could avoid any potentially distracting thoughts.
I learned the hard way that it didn't always work like that.
I just kept replaying it all in my mind, looking for a moment when I could've stopped everything. Small things. Words spoken, steps taken, hands held up or out. I could've stopped all of this.
All of the possibilities swirled my mind enough to make me sick.
Or that sick feeling came from the guilt.
After God decided that our world had finished being what he wanted, he opened Hell's doors, allowing an army of spirits to overtake a small town. It was what he had always done, truly. God- all-powerful and all-knowing- doesn't truly give a shit about us in the end. He was happy to watch his creations burn in the name of good entertainment or blind worship.
And he wonders why so many people hate him.
I was in the small office of the high school that we used to house the town's population. I had been taking a head count before and getting a list of missing family members and friends. It was the best choice for me.
Truthfully, I think Dean was scared I would kill Belphegor- the demon who possessed Jack's body- if I were to get too close.
Jack.
I don't think I've ever had a name sit like a rock in my chest in the same way theirs did.
We had been close. Incredibly close.
And then, everything went wrong.
Nick tried to summon Lucifer, Jack stopped Lucifer and Nick, Jack killed Mary, God tried to force Dean to kill Jack, and then God killed Jack when Dean refused.
I saw the pain that Sam and Dean went through after Mary died. Watching them in so much pain made me feel wrong for how much pain I felt after Jack was killed. Dean had been so convinced that Jack was evil and was just going to be another problem for us to fix. But I still couldn't shake how much I missed them.
I missed Mary too. Of course, I did.
It was all just so... much. Confusing and terrible and overwhelming.
I didn't see Sam walk in.
"(Y/n)?"
I jumped a bit before letting out a sigh. "Don't sneak up on people right now, Sammy."
"Sorry," he replied. "You alright?"
"About as alright as possible," I shrugged. Dismissive and vague. I was starting to sound like Dean. "I... I got the headcount done. And there's a list of missing relatives that we should look for."
"Good," he nodded. "I called Rowena to help us."
"Okay."
"Hey," he said. "I... I can see that you're holding back tears."
I closed my eyes for a moment and shook my head, willing all of my emotions back down. Or inviting them to disappear completely. Either scenario would've worked for me at that point.
"If you need to sit down for a while, that's okay, I can take over here-"
"No," I said quickly. "I... I need to keep working, Sam. I can't just sit around. I... I can't. I'll find something else to do."
"It's about Jack, isn't it?"
I closed my eyes again.
"(Y/n), come on, you need to take a minute," he insisted. I shook my head. "(Y/n)-"
"No, Sam. I told you no."
"(Y/n)-"
"I loved them, Sam," I stopped him.
The air around us shifted. I watched the realization process on Sam's face. I felt the twisted guilt in my stomach again. It felt like it was crawling up my throat like vomit. I could swear that I felt it burning my body.
"And- And I didn't say anything because I thought it would just confuse them," I continued, running my hands over my face. " I lost the chance. I just... I can't help thinking that if I had said something before... just so they could know... I could've stopped all of this."
I was suffocating. I was certain of it.
"And after... after everything that happened with Mary, I... I feel like I shouldn't still love Jack, but I do," I felt a sob fight its way out of my throat before I could even think to stop it. "It all just... I feel terrible. And now, I have to watch some demon walk around in Jack's body like they were nothing and I-"
"Hey, hey..."
Sam walked over and pulled me into a hug as the sobbing overtook any words that could've come out of my mouth. I had never cried like that before. I was completely frozen. I couldn't physically do anything other than sob.
"You aren't terrible," Sam promised. "Not at all. Being in love doesn't make you terrible. It's okay to grieve. It's okay."
I tried to completely hide my face from everything around me. I felt Sam hug me a little bit tighter.
"I'm sorry," I muttered.
"You have nothing to be sorry for."
I took a deep breath, trying to accept that idea.
"I need you to go sit down," he continued before stepping back. "No working on this for a little while. Just relax."
"No, I need to help-"
"The warding it up and we're watching for Rowena. Go sit down."
I nodded, letting him lead me away from everything in the small office.
I kept trying to convince myself that I didn't need to apologize for grieving. It wasn't exactly a simple idea to accept.
I ran my hands over my face as I laid down for the first time in what was probably days.
One day, I kept thinking to myself. I'll accept that thought one day...
Just not yet.
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fandomtherapy44 · 9 months
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castiel x reader
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Summary: This story is from the perspective of Y/n Winchester. The sister Of Dean and Sam. We will be starting from season four since sadly we did not get Misha Collins as Castiel throughout the whole series. It will start off as a friendship, but it will grow more as the series goes on. I will be skipping some episodes even though they are great episodes they do not push the story forward. I am so excited to get to write this since they are not many Castiel X reader stories out there. Okay without further due Love War & Grace enjoy the Story.
Paring: Castiel X Reader
Word count: 6,000
Warnings: Some language, Typical Supernatural violence, Spoilers for season four of Supernatural
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Chapter Three: In the Beginning
Y/n’s POV:
“ No, please don’t leave Me!” I wake up suddenly shooting up from my bed. These nightmares are getting more real every time I close my eyes. I go to get some water. I hear wings flapping and turn around to see Cas standing there. “Cas?” “Hello, Y/n what were you dreaming about?” He said in his usual gruff voice. “ Nevermind that. What are you doing here at four in the morning?” I said not wanting to answer that question “I am here to for your brother and you to stop something”
‘’Stop what?” I questioned as he came up close and gently put his fingers on my forehead.
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“Move it buddy and Mam you can't sleep here.” I heard this voice talking to me and noticed that I was not lying in bed anymore. “Okay... sleep... where?” Dean said sleepy, wait Dean. “Anywhere but here.” The voice said as he was walking away. “Y/n why are you sleeping on the sidewalk?” Dean asked me in disorientation. I opened my eyes and somehow I was sleeping in front of a bus bench. “I have no idea the last thing I remember is falling asleep in my own room after having a beer. Maybe there was more in the beer than I thought, well that's the last time I take anything compaltry from a motel. Why are you sleeping on a bus bench?” I asked, half confused, half asleep. “I have no idea either, let's see if we can find out” He said as he pulled out his phone.
“Perfect,” he said with sarcasm. “Let me try”. “ What the Hell?” I'm so annoyed that I almost threw my phone down. “Okay let's just recollect ourselves and try to think about what happened” Dean said trying to calm not just myself but him too. “Did Castiel visit you last night?’” “ He asked me. “Yes he did, he said you and I had to stop something. Cas you son of a …”. “ He said the same thing to me too. Also Cas? Since when did you get a nickname for him? " "Well I think it's easier than saying his full name every time.” “ right, guess that makes sense. Let’s go to that diner and get some coffee, to ask around and to put ourselves together.” Dean said gesturing up at a Blue Jay Diner.
As we are walking in I'm hoping that Cas has a good reason for us to be here. 
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As we walked in I noticed that the whole diner and everyone looked like they were stuck in the 70’s. “ Must be a convention in town” I commented. Dean and I sat next to this guy who looks in his early 20s. “Hey, where the hell are we?” Dean asked the man. “Jay Bird's Diner.” He answered honestly.  “Yes thank you for that heh he just meant what state and city?’’ I asked him with a kinder approach. “Lawrence, Kansas.” Lawrence why the hell Lawrence I thought. “Hey, you okay guys?” “ Yes, we just had a difficult night, thanks.” I answered him thinking that was nice of him to ask. ” Hey, uh, two coffees here, Reg.” “ Thank you” “ No Problem.” Dean pulled his phone out again trying to get single. ”Can you tell me where I can get reception on this thing?” Dean asked the man. “The USS Enterprise?” The man said looking weird at the phone. “Ha, that’s a good joke’’ I said laughing. “What joke?” he asked as Reg came over with some coffees. “Thanks... nice threads. You know Sonny and Cher broke up, right?” Dean said joking as usual.
“Sonny and Cher broke up?” The man said concerned. I looked around until my eyes landed on the newspaper. I elbow Dean to get his attention. “Ow Y/n what the He-” he stopped when he saw the same. “Nixon accepts resignation of top… and the date is Monday, April 30, 1973.” We do not even have time to process that because we learn who this stranger is next to us. “Hey, Winchester.” Dean and I both go to respond but instead the man does. “Son of a bitch. How you doing, Corporal?” “Hey, Mr. D.” “I heard you were back.” “Yeah, a little while now.” “Good to have you home, John, damn good.” John? Dad. “Well, say hello to your old man for me.” “You got it, Mr. D.” The man John was talking to walked away and he noticed us staring at him like we had seen a ghost. Well, I guess that’s true. "Do we know each other?” John had asked, looking at us both. “I guess not.” Dean said, answering for us. “Take it easy, guys” “Yeah you too” I said while looking into his eyes. I guess that is a pretty good reason for us to be sent here.
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We are following well I guess our dad when I bump into Cas. “whoa” I said, almost falling but he caught me. “uh thank you” we stared into each other's eyes for a second.”you're welcome’’ he let go of me and when he did I felt colder. “What is this?” Dean asked Cas. “What does it look like?” “ Is this … real?” I asked hoping this was not a dream. “Very.” He answered looking at both of us. “Okay, so what? Angels got their hands on some DeLoreans? How did we get here?” He gestured to us. “Time is fluid, Dean, Y/n. It's not easy, but we can bend it on occasion.”Well bend it back or tell us what the hell we're doing here!” “I told you, you have to stop it.” Cas said in his monotone gruff voice and as usual not making sense. “Stop what? Huh? What, is there something nasty after our Dad?” We hear a car beep and turn back and Cas is gone. “Oh, come on! What, are you allergic to straight answers, you son of a bitch?!” Dean said angry which is fair but I trust him I have too.
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John is talking to the car salesman looking at an old van oh no we can’t let that happen. Dean and I walk over to the beautiful classic 1967 chevy Impala leaning against it. “You two following me?” I answered “No, no, we were just passing by. And we never got to thank you for that cup of coffee this morning. we were a little out of it.” “More than a little.” “Let us repay the favor.” Dean said, patting baby. “This is the one you want.” “Oh yeah, you – you know something about cars?” Dean and I nodded our heads looking at the engine. “Yeah... yeah, our Dad taught us everything we know.” I said, smiling a bit. “And this – this is a great car.” Dean said, opening the hood. “327 four barrel, 275 horses. A little TLC and this thing is cherry.” “You know man, you're right.” John said, sounding excited. “Then what are you buying that thing for?” Dean said, nodding at the van. “Dean, John can buy any car he wants and I'm sure it’s for a good reason.”
She’s right. I kinda promised someone I would. "Over a '67 Chevy? I mean, come on, this is the car of a lifetime. Trust me, this thing's still gonna be badass when it's 40.” John looks like he’s grateful. "John Winchester. Thanks.” John said, holding out his hand for us to shake. We shake his hand. “Dean Van Halen, this is my sister Y/n – and thank you.” we were in pretty rough shape this morning, huh?” “No kidding.” I've been hung over before but, hey, I was, I was getting chills in that diner. You didn't feel any of those cold spots, did you?” Ah, I know what Dean is  doing. I joined in. “I swore I smelled something weird too, you know? Like... like rotten eggs. You didn't happen to smell any sulfur by chance?” “No to both.” He answered, getting annoyed. “No... There been any cattle mutilations in town recently?” Okay that's pushing it. “Okay, mister, Mam! Stop it.”.”Yeah, if only we knew what to stop. Listen, uh – watch out for yourself okay?” I said to him. "Yeah, sure.” When we were walking away we heard John confirming the sale for the impala. 
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We stole a car and now are following dad in the impala. He stops in front of a house and a young beautiful blonde woman comes out to hug him. Dean and I both say at the same time. “Mom?”
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We are now watching them have a date in a little booth with milkshakes. “I can't believe this, she looks so beautiful’’ I said wanting to cry because I never got to know mom like Sam and Dean did. “Yeah she is’’. Then we hear a voice behind us. “Why are you following us?” It was mom. We turn around and she attacks us. “Are you crazy?” She is kicking our asses. But Dean grabs her behind her arms and holds her to the wall.”Okay, how about we talk about this, huh?” “Dean! let her go look at her wrist’’ I point out at the charm bracelet. I walk up to her and asked “Are you a hunter?” 
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My parents are saying goodbye and they look so in love. Mary walks up to us. “Dean and y/n right? I'm not sure you should come in.” Mary said with hestion. “You can trust us. I mean, come on, we're all hunters, right? I mean, we're – we're practically family.” Dean said with a convincing tone. “Yeah, thing is, my Dad, he's a little, um…” Wait, grandpa is still alive? I thought. “Dean and I would love to meet him. We've heard so many great stories about him.” “You've guys heard of him?” She asked. “Well clearly not enough.” I said with a smile trying to contain myself that I'm actually meeting my family.
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“So, you're a hunters? Well, tell me something, mister and miss hunter, you kill vampires with wooden stakes or silver?” Grandpa asked, I did not know he was such a hardass. “Neither, you cut their heads off.” I answered proudly. ”So, did we pass your test?” Dean asked with hope. “Yep. Now get out of my house” Grandpa said yep definitely a hardass. “Dad!” Mary said, she can't believe her father right now. “I don't trust other hunters, Dean, Y/n don't want their help, don't want them around my family.” “Knock it off, Samuel.” Grandma said from the other room, setting the table and putting grandpa in his place. “They are hunters.” “Who passed your little pop quiz, and now I am inviting them to dinner. Are you hungry?” She asked us. “That sounds great, thank you.” I said I was trying to be on my best behavior. “Good. I'm Deanna, you've met my husband Samuel, and Mary's younger sister Y/n sadly passed away when she was younger. now wash up.” I was named after her sister. I didn't even know mom had a sister. I looked at Mary.”Samuel and Deanna and Y/N ?” I asked as she nodded her head at me. I wonder what her sister was like.
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 “So Dean, Y/n this your first time here.” “Well, it's been a while. Things sure have changed... we think.” Dean answered. “You two working a job?” Samuel asked. “Yeah, maybe.” Dean!” I said surprised. “I'm sorry about my brother, he forgets his manners sometimes.” I said while glaring at him. “ That's okay, it's good to know that he's guarded like that.” “My sister is right, I should've responded like that, it's just I don't trust other hunters either, Samuel.” Dean apouligzed which surprised me. “Hey, um, so why were you following me and John?” Mary asked us. “Mmm, we thought something was after your, um, boyfriend, but um, we don't think that anymore.” I answered. “John Winchester mixing it up with spirits, can you imagine?” Deanna said while Samuel looked annoyed at the mere mention of John’s name. “I saw that.” Mary told her dad not letting him get away with it. “What?” Samuel answered incently. “That sour lemon look.” “Now hold on, John's a really, really nice... naive civilian.” So Grandpa hated dad, good to know. “So what? You'd rather me be with a guy like this?” Mary said while nodding at Dean. “Oh god no no you would not want to be with him.’’ I answered for him. “Yes she's right I think, you don't want to be with a guy like me.” Dean said a little offended. “Mary, of course not, it's just that I –” Samuel said trying to smooth this over. “That's enough, both of you, we have company.” Deanna had told them. “So what about you, Samuel, you, uh, working a job?” Dean asked curiously. 
“Might be.” damn hunters do not like sharing. “He's working a job on the Whitshire Farm.” Mary answered being a little petty. Maybe that's where I get it. “Whitshire, why does that name sound familiar to me?” Dean said and he's right we've heard that name before. “Well, it's been all over the papers. Tom Whitshire. Got tangled up in a combine a few towns over.” “ Those things do happen sometimes” I said. “So why was he on it in the first place when his crops are all dead?” “ Demon omens” I said, confirming it. “That's what I gotta find out.” “What about the rest of the town? Well, did you find anything on the web? ...Of information that you have assembled.” Nice save dean I thought with sarcasm. “Electrical storms maybe. The weather service graphs should be here on Friday.” Grandma told us. Sounds like demons to me. “By mail?” Dean asked. “Of course by mail Dean sorry were just used to getting things by ourselves” They look a little weird at us. I bring Dean over to the side. “Did you forget that we are in the 70s or did you hit your head. so please try to stop the 2000's references, Marty mcfly please?” “ Yes I will, sorry it's just hard.” “ Yeah I know I keep On pulling out my phone but we got this okay” “yeah okay” “ Great break.” “You know, it sounds to me like we might be hunting the same thing. You know if we go in there in numbers, we could take care of this real quick.” Dean said, referring to us. “What part of “we work alone” do you not understand, son?” Samuel said and I don't blame him but come on we're trying to figure out a back to the future mystery here throw us a bone will ya.
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Dean and I go up to the Whitshire house. “This is stupid why did I have to be a nun?” I asked, pulling on my head piece a little. “Because it makes sense and it helps me look like a real priest, it's also a little funny.” Dean said, trying to hold back his laugh. I almost slap him but Mrs.Whitshire opens the door just in time.
We are walking to the door after her interview. When someone knocks on the door. We open it to see Samuel standing there in the same get up as Dean. “Father, sister, I see you beat me here.” “The Lord is funny that way. Beth Whitshire, this is our associate, our senior, senior priest, Father Chaney.” We walk next to Grandpa. “Please accept our deepest condolences on behalf of the county diocese.” Grandpa said handing her a fruit cake yeah nothing says I'm sorry like a cake no one eats. “Mrs. Whitshire was just telling us all about Tom, and how normal and ordinary things were the day before his death.” I see, so you didn't notice anything unusual, ma’am?” Samuel asked. “You mean like my husband’s guts fertilizing the back 40?” “Awkward” I whisper under my breath. Samuel is having a hard time to answer so Dean and I walk over to Mary and the victim’s son.  
“Charlie, would you like to tell the Father and Sister here what you just told me?” Mary said to us. “Dad drank sometimes. Sometimes he got rough with Mom.” “And that's when the stranger came?” “I just thought he was some Bible thumper, like you all. He showed up about a week ago.” Interesting I thought. “Saying what?” Dean asked. “Did I want the beatings to stop? I just thought he was crazy, I didn't think – and the next thing I know, Dad's dead. Am I going to jail?” poor kid. “You didn't do this, Charlie.” I told making sure that he knew. “Did the stranger want something in return?” Dean asked him. “He didn't want anything.” Huh, not likely. “Come on, Chuck, he wasn't just handing out freebies now, was he?” Dean said being not wrong. “He did say something about comin' a callin' ten years from now. Maybe he'd want something then.” Oh no, all this kid wanted was peace. “Something like what?” I asked terrified for his answer.”I don't know, okay? Look, I told you he was nuts.” Mary pulls Dean and I to the side. “What do you think?” “I think this kid has no idea that he just shook hands with the devil.” I said looking at Charlie Sadly. “Charlie, do you remember what this stranger looked like?” I tried to get to the bottom of this. “Yeah, he was about 5 '10, white, normal looking really.” “ anything out of the ordinary with his appearance.” “There was one thing.” “What was it.” “It's just, the light hit his eyes in a weird way and... for a moment I coulda sworn –” “Red or black maybe.” I answered back.”No, they were yellow. Pale yellow.” What the hell, yellow eyes? What is going on?
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Dean slams a map down and I look at it trying to figure this crazy stuff out as well. “What do you say we just slow down and talk this thing through.” Grandpa tried to calm us down. “There's nothing to talk about.” Dean answered. “Except you're saying it's a demon, and none of us has ever heard of a demon with yellow eyes.” “ We have, it killed our family without thinking twice.” I answered while staring at Grandpa's eyes.”Just calm down” “You don't get it, do you? You are in danger, we are all in danger. In fact, you need to get yourself someplace safe.” I said trying to get my family safe.”Not until we know what we're dealing with here.” could he not be a stubborn hardass for 10 minutes.”Sam's right, Y/n, it could be a demon, it could be a shapeshifter, it could be any number of things.”Deanna said trying to stand by her husband.“We know what this thing is, we lived it.” I said getting mad.”And we're gonna kill it, that's all the talking I need to do.” Dean said with this intensity. “You're gonna kill a demon? How?” Samuel questioned. “There's a hunter named Daniel Elkins. He lives in Colorado, he has Colt's gun. The Colt.” “Yeah, I heard about the Colt, used to tell it to Mary and y/n as a bedtime story.” “Well we know it’s real for sure.” I said, trying to get it in their heads. “Alright, say that it is. You got some kind of crystal ball telling you where this demon's gonna be?” Samuel said doubtful still. 
“Wait, I think we do.“ I said, grabbing our dads journal out. “What's this?” “ It's a list.” Dean said, catching on. “Of what?” “Our Dad wrote down anyone he thought ever came in contact with the Yellow Eyed Demon: who, where and when.” “why?” Samuel questioned. It is a little crazy. “‘Cause the more he could learn about the son of a bitch, the more he could figure out why it killed our Mom.” I said, still staring down at it. “Look, Whitshire Farm. I told you that name sounded familiar.” Dad really did everything to find this demon. “Uh... our Dad could see the future. Look at this, it says he's gonna hit here tomorrow night.” Dean said looking at me shrugging hoping that excuse was good. “Liddy Walsh?” Samuel questioned. “Haleyville, that's close.” Dean said. “I mean, yeah, it's about three miles, but…” Samuel said while looking at his wife exchanging looks of are these people okay which we get a lot. “ I know you think we're crazy and I don't blame you. I mean If someone told me the same thing, if I didn't know what I did I would think the same but were telling the truth.” I said hoping my small speech might have convinced them. “You seem like really nice kids, Dean,y/n but yeah, you're crazy.” “ We might be but we are going to kill the demon that destroyed our lives” I said as I walked out of the room with Dean.
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I walked to Mary’s room breathing in because this might be the last time I see my mom alive. I knock on the open door. “Hey Mary my brother and I are leaving, I just wanted to thank you before I left”  “ Thank me for what I mean I almost gave your brother a concussion.” “ exactly I think sometimes he needs one. Huh Uh actually I wanted to thank you for trying to convince your dad for us to help.” “ Yeah no problem. I think we need more help but ever since Y/n's death I don't think he can trust anyone else” Mary responded and I asked something that has been nagging me this whole time. “If you don’t mind me asking how Y/n pass and of course you don't have to answer.”  “No its okay it happened two years ago my dad and his hunting partner and y/n were on a case they were chasing a werewolf my dad’s partner thought they had caught the right one but instead the real one got my sisters scent and she was smiling one moment and the next she was lying on the ground in her own guts.” Mary said, crying. I go to hug her.
“I'm sorry that happened. I know what it feels like to lose someone to this stuff that we chase.”  “Thanks Y/n you seem like a good friend. "" Thank you, I try, and speaking of good friends. That John kid seems pretty great. What’s he like.” “I don't know. He's sweet, kind. Even after the war, after everything, he still believes in happily ever after, you know? He's everything a hunter isn't. No offense.” I chuckle at that “ No offense taken” “So you have anyone special in your life” Mary asked. It was funny. I never thought I would be talking about a special someone with my mom.
”Me no I don't think love is in the cards for me.” “ Well you're a great person, someone will see that.” “ Thanks Mary.” “ of course. Can I tell you something” Mary asked with excitement. I nod.”He's gonna ask me to marry him. Tomorrow, I think!” “ That's great Mary” “Oh, Dad's gonna explode, but I don't care. I'll run away if I have to, I just… I love John, and…” “and what” I questioned. “I wanna get out. This job, this life, I hate it. I want a family, I wanna be safe. You know the worst thing I can think of? The very worst thing? Is for my children to be raised into this like I was. No, I won't let it happen. If what happened to Y/n happened to my kids I couldn't bear it.” I want to cry and tell my mom that everything is going to be okay but I can't so instead I lie.” I'm sure that won't happen. I mean who would do that. I truly wish all your happiness Mary.” I grab her and hug her tight and let go. “Thank you Mary for everything.” I said as I almost ran out of the room passing my brother.
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I ran out of the house breathing heavily trying to control it. I hear a flap of wings and turn around to see him.” Cas? I didn't pray.” “I know I just felt you in distress.” “ So you came to help me, all you do is just stand there standing not doing anything.” I said while looking down and when I looked up he was sad. “I'm sorry that was mean you do help me more than you realize, it's just I'm trying to process this. And why can’t Sam be here? He has to be looking for us.” Sam's not looking for you.” What does that mean? “So if we stop this demon does it mean that my siblings and I get a normal life.” “You realize, if you do alter the future, your father, you, Sam, Dean – you'll never become hunters. And all those people you saved, they'll die.” “Of course I realize it but I don't care I'm still going to fight” “I really am sorry Y/n no one deserves this especially you three.” I turn around to see him gone. 
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Dean and I get into the house to get the colt and I'm at the safe to crack it while Dean stays in the car ready to drive away. “Hold it right there, friend. Drop the gun, be on your way.” It's Daniel, the current owner of the colt. I pretend to put it down but instead I point at him ready to shoot. “ I'm sorry Daniel but I need this to save my family.” “ Who the hell are you?” “ I'm a hunter just like you.” “Thief's more like it.” “ I will return it I just need it for a couple of days.” “Not happening, miss.” “Look, I have a chance to save my family’s lives. My family. But I need this gun to do it. So if you want to stop me? Kill me.” Daniel lowers his so I lower mine. “There's some hunters in Lawrence, the Campbells.” “Never heard of them.” “ That’s where the gun will be I promise. Thank you” I take the Colt and leave.
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We burst into the Walsh house to see the yellow eyed demon holding Mary against him using her as a shield. “ Mary! Let her go, you son of a bitch.” I yelled at it. “Where'd you get that gun?” He said looking at the colt I cock it and give Mary the signal to break away. As she does that the Yellow eyed demon smoked out of the poor bastard he was possessing. “Damn” Dean said, annoyed. I exit the house feeling uneasy. “Mary, what else did he say to you?” Dean asked. “I told you, just that he liked me.” Oh no is this when it happened how it knows her. “What did he mean by that?” Mary asked, a little scared. Samuel comes up to join us before we can answer. “Are you okay?” He asked Mary. “No, Dad, I'm pretty far from okay. Can we go?” She said walking away to the truck. “Nice job in there.” Samuel said to me which was weird. “I missed the shot.” I answered. “Take the compliment I'm saying that I was wrong about you guys.” He said, looking at us both. “We need to talk alone.” Dean said and he was right but what is wrong with Samuel. 
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“We have to kill this thing now, or Mary dies.” Dean said while we both were sitting.”What? How do you know that?” Samuel questioned. “We just do, okay?” I said pulling out Dads journal. “When?” “I don't know, maybe today, probably years from now, but it's happening, trust us.” “So what, are you guys some kind of psychics now too?” “ No, just listen to us.” He sits down too. “Now, this is gonna sound a little... actually it's gonna sound massively, massively crazy.”Dean said. What is he doing? ’’Mary is our mother.” Oh okay so we're doing this. “I am your grandson, she is your granddaughter and I know what the hell I'm talking about.” “You wanna run that by me again, son?” Samuel questioned this whole thing again. “ My real name is Dean Winchester. I was born January 24th, 1979. My parents are Mary and John Winchester.” I sigh.”My name is Y/n Winchester born November 2, 1984 to Mary and John WInchester. “I don't have to listen to this.” Samuel does not believe this. 
“Mary gets killed by a yellow eyed demon in 1984, and I think that this – what happened tonight – I think this is the moment that he caught her scent. Now, if we don't catch this thing now, and kill it, and it gets away? Then Mary dies. So I am asking you, please.” Dean is pleading with him at this point.”How did we know about the Colt? Huh? How did I know about the Yellow Eyed Demon? Or where it would be? were not making this up, Samuel.” I said, trying to get him on our side. “Every bone in my body is aching to put you six feet under, but there's something about you – I can't shake it. Now, I may be crazier than you guys but I believe you.” Yes but why was that too easy? ”I mean, how do we find this bastard?” “ with this the list” I said pointing at the page. “And with the Colt?” “Yes” “Here, let me see it.” Samuel said grabbing for it I held it back. “Sorry, we don't let anybody hold it.” “I'm your grandfather.” “ It's not you” I said, trying to be civil. “Sure it is, especially when it's me you're trying to kill.” Samurl said as his eyes went yellow and slammed Dean and I against the wall I knew there was something wrong.
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“Future kids, huh?” the YED walked over to Dean. I grunted trying to get up. “I only know one thing that's got the juice to swing something like that. You must have friends in high places. So, I kill your Mommy? That's why you came all this way? To see little old me?” Dean’s trying to get up too. “Oh, I came here to kill you.” Dean said, staring at his eyes. “Hey, wait a minute, if that slut Mary's your Mommy, are you... are you one of my psychic kids?” He leans in to sniff Dean. “No, not you. Maybe you.” He said walking over to me. “Get away from her you bastard!” Dean yelled. YED walks up to me and sniffs me.  "No you're not, must be another brother but you smell delicious almost as much as your mommy. Hey you planning to have kids so I can make more of my children. “ “Go back to hell” I spit in his face. “That's terrific, means it all worked out. After all, it's why I'm here.” “So that's what this is about, these deals you're making. You don't want these people's souls.” Dean yelled from across the room and the YED walked over to him. “No, I just want their children. I'm here to choose the perfect parents, like your Mommy.” “Why her? Why any of them?” “Because they're strong.” Deanna is starting to come around the corner to try to get to the colt. “They're pure, and they eat their Wheaties. My own little master race – they're ideal breeders.” “You're disgusting” I said to him. 
“ No sweetheart, I'm a dealer, there's a difference.” “Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. No one’s breeding with me. Though, Mary? Man, I'd like to make an exception. So far, she's my favorite.” “ So why make the deals?” Dean questioned trying to distract him. “I need permission. I need to be invited, into their houses, I know, I know, the – the red tape'll drive you nuts, but in ten short years, it'll all be worth it. ‘Cause you know what I'm gonna do to your sibling? I'm gonna stand over their crib and I'm gonna bleed into their mouth. Demon blood is better than Ovaltine, vitamins, minerals – it makes you big and strong.” “For what? So they can lead your discount demon army? Is that your big plan?” “Please, my end game's a hell of a lot bigger than that kid.” “End game? What end game?” “Like I'm gonna tell you, or those angels sitting on your shoulder. No, I'm gonna cover my tracks good.” “ You can cover whatever the hell you want, but I'm still gonna kill you.” “Right. Now that, I'd like to see.” “Maybe not today, but you look into my eyes, you son of a bitch, ‘cause I'm the one that kills you.” “So, you're gonna save everybody, is that right? Is that it? Well, I'll tell you one person that you're not gonna save. You're Grandpappy.” He takes out a knife and stabs himself. “NO!” Dean and I both screamed out. “NO!” Deanna screamed out too and the YED sent her flying to the floor she was crawling to the knife and he snapped her neck like a pretzel.  We’re released from the hold and I go for the colt to shoot but he's gone then I realize Mary’s not here. “Mary... Mary!” Dean and I ran out to the car. 
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The car stops and Dean and I arrive in time to see Mary and YED kissing. “NO!” we both yell out then I see Cas and we get flown away.
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I gasp awake and breath heavily and see Cas standing there. “Cas we couldn't stop it. She still made the deal. She still died in the nursery, didn't she?” I stare into his eyes. “ Don't blame yourself Y/n you couldn't have stopped it.” “ What do you mean?” “Destiny can't be changed, Y/n All roads lead to the same destination.” “ Screw destiny Cas, I make my own future and why did you even send us back then?’’ “For the truth. Now you know everything we do.” “ What the hell are you talking about?” Cas looks around and I realize. “Where is Sam?” “We know what Azazel did to your brother. What we don't know is why – what his endgame is. He went to great lengths to cover that up.” It's starting to make sense. “Where's Sam Cas?” “425 Waterman.” I start to get my things together and to get Dean. “You brother is headed down a dangerous road, Y/n, and we're not sure where it leads. So stop it. Or we will.” I'm about to leave when he says something “I'm glad you're okay.” “ Thank you Cas for everything.”
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Dean and I walk into the location and see something crazy.”So... Anything you wanna tell us, Sam?” Sam looked surprised that we were here.”Guys, hold on, okay? Just let me-""You gonna say, "let me explain"? You're gonna explain this? How about this? Why don't you start with who she is, and what the hell is she doing here?” I said angry. The girl looks at me.” Hi Y/n good to see you again” I am shocked. “Ruby?” She smiles.” Is that Ruby?” Dean asked, angry too. He does not respond and so Dean throws Ruby against the wall holding the demon against her. They tussle and she pins him. “Ruby! Stop it!” She's holding him in a chokehold.
So I throw her off and flip her to the ground. “Don't you ever touch my brother again!” She shakes her head and I let go. “Ruby, he's hurt.” Sam nodded to the injured man that was possessed. She and him limp out. “Did you have to do that?” Sam asked me, annoyed. “Oh I'm sorry Sam but did you forget she's a DEMON!” I said basically yelling. He walks away leaving me to think what happened in the four months that we weren't together.
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That's it hoped you liked it! Next chapter we meet Uriel let's just say him and Y/n won't be besties.
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sorcharavenlock · 9 months
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29. Carry on, my wayward sons...
Nea contacts her friend 'Webhead', who promises to see what he can do.
In the mean time, we have bigger problems. More and more spirits appear around the house. some are benevolent...
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...others not so much, and leave cursed objects behind:
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Soon cleaning up these items becomes a day job. Loki and I do what we can.
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We wake up multiple times a night to the sounds of doors slamming and strange voices whispering and giggling.
Despite this, I manage to finish the next part of my book. I am just about to check the mail for my royalty check when I see a car appear in the distance. It is Nea's car, that's for sure!
Few people make it all the way up to the hill where we live. I watch curiously as two men get out and begin walking towards the house.
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My eyes widen. Is that? It can't be!
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"Hello ma'am, my name is Dean, and this is my brother Sam. We heard reports in the village that your place is haunted. We're here to help."
I've heard people see and hear strange things when suffering from sleep deprivation, so I pinch myself. The brothers are still there.
"Sam? And Dean? Winchester?" I ask. "I've watched the show, well up until season nine or something, but..."
"Show?" Dean asks in confusion.
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"I told you driving the Impala through that screen at the haunted outdoor cinema was a bad idea!" Sam says. "it looks like we're in an alternate universe again."
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"Hey! How was I supposed to know that would happen?"
"Because it happens every time Dean!"
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"Anyway, we're here now," Sam says. "We could see the haunted lights from the village early this morning and drove up. We're here to help."
"Yeah, I'll get the shotguns and the salt bullets from the car," Dean agrees.
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"There are no hauntings here," I lie. "I'm an amateur DJ, it must have been the light from my stroboscope you saw!"
I need to protect Loki!
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Of course just as I say it, Loki opens the door and comes floating up behind me!
"Stand back ma'am! We got this!" Dean promises.
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"Shoot him with a salt bullet and I'll shove that shotgun up your arse!" I yell at him.
Dean is rather taken aback.
"Don't you dare to hurt a hair on his head!"
"Dean, he looks familiar," Sam says.
"Yes, now you say it, he reminds me a bit of Gabriel."
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"My name is Loki, son of Odin, prince of Asgard. I am the god of Mischief."
"Was, you mean," Dean points out.
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"I'll have you know my condition is purely temporary!" Loki snaps back.
"There has been a lot more supernatural activity lately," I muse, ignoring the arguing. "And now the Winchester Boys show up from a different universe. What is happening?"
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"I don't know," Loki admits. "perhaps it has to do with the barrier between life and death becoming thinner after Hela died."
"Wait, the goddess of Death is dead?" Sam says. "No wonder there are so many spirits around."
"I think we should stay here a while, Sammy."
"They are not staying with us, I do'nt like them one bit," Loki hisses at me.
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"Don't worry, I know the perfect place where they can stay from now on. Or more to the point, the perfect person. Kitty loves the show they are from!"
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tvintedspvrkmoved · 5 months
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ᴇʟᴇɴᴀ ɢɪʟʙᴇʀᴛ . elena gilbert was born june 22nd to miranda and grayson gilbert. born and raised in mystic falls , virginia , elena had a fairly average childhood until high school - when she was introduced to the world of the supernatural by way of her boyfriend , stefan salvatore.
elena's bio is canon ONLY UNTIL jeremy's death in season four.
ᴊᴇʀᴇᴍʏ'ꜱ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ . when jeremy died , elena all but lost her mind. she had a complete breakdown , during which she came close - at damon's request - to turning off her humanity. just before she flipped the switch , however , the vampire realized that doing so would only cause problems for her remaining loved ones. instead she ran , flashing to her car and taking off into the night. she drove until her tank was near empty , pulling into a nearby motel and checking in for the night.
ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴᴄʜᴇꜱᴛᴇʀꜱ . the next morning , elena walked across the street to a local diner to get some food and find out where the nearest gas station was. all seemed normal , until her heightened hearing picked up on something coming from outside the diner - the word ❛ vampire ❜ , muttered by one of two men coming from the direction of the motel. tuning in closer , she found out - in a fair amount of detail - where they were going that night and what they were doing : taking down a nearby nest of vampires. she also learned that one of the men was named dean , one sam. elena ended up ducking out early to fuel up her car , parking back in the lot of the motel and sitting in her room listening out until the men returned.
ᴇʟᴇɴᴀ'ꜱ ꜰɪʀꜱᴛ ʜᴜɴᴛ . that night , when sam and dean left , elena was not far behind. seething with rage over her brother's death , she decided that killing a few violent vampires was better than letting her anger go unchecked. she followed at a reasonable distance until they'd reached their destination , killing her headlights and pulling in behind once they'd left their car. she followed on foot , staying out of sight until two things became apparent : the men were not alone , and the vampires were not evil. she can remember to this day the scream she let out upon watching john winchester fire a bullet between the eyes of a vampire who made no attempt to harm him. a vampire who was almost . . . begging. her reaction gave her away immediately , and it was only after an intense argument between sam and john that she was not only spared , but approached somewhat amicably.
ɴᴏᴡ . since not long after that first hunt , elena has been training and hunting with the winchesters. she resides wherever they do ( with the exception of when dean was in hell , when she traveled and hunted on her own for several weeks once she and sam had exhausted all efforts to save him ). in her ❝ canon ❞ she is dating sam winchester ( highly affiliated with @stanfordprepped ) , but as with 99% of my muses she is multi-verse and multi-ship. elena is primarily based in the kripke era , but i am open to writing her in different seasons. for personal reasons i will not be writing her within the tvdu.
ʜᴇɪɢʜᴛ . 5 ' 1 ᴡᴇɪɢʜᴛ . 120
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payphoneangel · 4 months
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This passage for the DVD commentary 🥲🥲🥲
BIRDIE!!!! KILL ME DEAD!!!!
Ok this is going to be SO LONG but there's a lot to unpack here.
for anyone curious this is the fic I will be talking about and the ask is based off this post.
oh where do I even BEGIN with this one. Okay. Okay so for this voicemail I had a few ideas I wanted explore.
Dean's relationship to alcohol
Dean's relationship with Jack
Dean's anger
So before we get into this, i think it's important to mention that, at least to me, one of the most frustrating things about Spn is that: It loves to beg the question, but it rarely ever answers it.
What I mean by that is the show will introduce these concepts and ideas. It will say, 'hey you ever notice X?' and I go, 'woah yeah I did notice X! What about it?' and they go, 'uhhhh idk. nothing. why are you asking? shut up.'
So for example, in Hammer of the Gods, Kali has this super great string of lines where she talks about the constant centering of western ideals. She begs the question (to the narrative), Why is the christian god the most important, most powerful god? Why is He the one who gets to be The Great Creator, while every other God is watered down to a Monster of the Week? Is that ever answered? Is it ever unpacked? To my memory, no. The show just continues on as is. They acknowledge the opposition to their argument, but do nothing to refute it.
And they do this all. the. time. with characterization.
Dean's relationship with alcohol
So Dean is canonically an alcoholic. It's shown all the time, far past the 'Red-blooded All American Man loves drinking beer' type of beat. Like we're shown time and time again that Dean struggles with substance abuse, specifically with alcohol, but what is the show trying to say ABOUT it? It seems bad, in the broadest strokes. There's plenty of scenes showing Dean drinking, breaking things, driving, yelling at people, being violent. But, to what end? Once again, to my memory, Dean never gets to heal from this problem, or grow past it. You get the occasional throwaway line, like Sam chastising Dean for drinking on a case at like 10 am (you'll have to forgive me for not remembering what specific episode).
So, in my fic, I wanted there to be consequences for this. Because consequences are the soil through which characters bloom and grow. I wanted Dean to be able to see and feel and understand that yeah, this is bad. this is bad for me and it's bad for everyone around me.
By fucking up on a hunt and then fucking up the post-hunt, that's a direct consequence for him. That's a motivation for him to realize that something needs to change and that he needs to do something. (not saying that canon Dean was unaware of these revelations, but more so that the narrative didn't care to focus on them) I wanted to give him space and opportunity to do that.
2. Dean's relationship with Jack
I think one of the things the show does well is depicting the complexities of family dynamics. It's the complex father show! It's the fucked up brothers show! It's the show that went on so fucking long the brothers became fathers themselves! This is the show about viscous cycles!!!
and im going to be honest, the whole dynamic with Jack is weird. it really is the 'the most noble death in spn is to die for the winchesters' motif taken, imo, to it's most extreme. Hey guys, let's do a filicide (part 2 tbh rip emma). Jack as a character just like, to me it's just evidence of how committed this show is to NOT changing or evolving. Early seasons begs the question, 'when is a monster not a monster? When it used to be human? When its your brother? your son? When is a monster deserving of death? when it's done terrible things? or because it simply has the capacity to?' That's something Sam and Dean have to grapple with! And tbh I don't like the conclusions that the show comes to, which is 'if you are different, you are a monster.' (evidenced by how none of the special children were redeemed or just outright killed. and then Sam went on to just. stop having his powers and just got over drinking blood like okay.)
And then 8-10 years later we get Jack and oh okay we're doing this again. Alright.
So I wanted to ease back a lot of the uhhhh crueler stuff between Dean and Jack. And give them some space to heal and be on better terms with each other. A lot of their bonding happened 'off screen' in Cell service, which I tried to imply with the college plot line, the references to conversations they've had, and how Dean starts using they/them pronouns for Jack, but never really addresses how/when/why that convo happened.
But something that I DO like is the Jack/tfw parallels throughout the show! How does Jack remind Dean of Cas? of Sam? of himself? And I wanted to keep that martyrdom complex that all of tfw has in here. But that's when Dean realizes he fucked up! Kids shouldn't be almost dying for their parents!
And we see that when Sam steps in between Jack and Dean. That's Dean's moment to realize I am doing to Jack what my father did to me and I do not want that. I wanted it to be a bodily safety thing. I wanted Dean to see Jack beat up. Because how often has Dean used his own body as a shield? He knows what it feels like. I wanted him to have this moment of horror of oh. We taught you self-sacrifice. I taught you how to be a tool.
3. Dean's anger
So we have ^^^all that. And we have this moment where Dean is drunk, and he fucks up (or in his eyes fucks up) and Jack has to save him. And he's mad. But why is he mad? What is he angry at? WHO is he angry at?
Rage is very common on the show. In a lot of the high drama moments, we see a lot of anger. Dean breaking everything in a motel room, the violence, the throwing things. And in the show, I think anger is used as a catharsis in a lot of instances. SPN, to me, is an escapist fantasy about being put into situations where the only possible option is violence. The most correct and justified reaction to this impossibly unfair situation is to be violent and angry. And i think part of this is that men are taught to be violent and angry, but also shamed for their violence and anger (it's a whole double-standard thing, but i digress)
I subscribe to the idea that anger is a secondary emotion. Essentially, anger is a response (a call to action, even) to another emotion.
In a lot of the show, the emotion under anger is unfairness. So so so much of spn is this idea of 'it's a shitty situation but you have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, grit your teeth, and get through it. because that's your job.' and that's fucking unfair!! That's something to get angry over!! And they do.
(Another common emotion preceding anger in the show is grief. And the grief is here. Oh, how it's here. Why was Dean drinking in the first place? Because Castiel is dead. but that's more of a theme for the fic as a whole and not this particular scene so im going to leave it here)
But to me, a very common precedent to anger is fear. You're scared, so you get angry. Anger protects.
I draw on personal experiences for a lot of my writing. Nothing is ever a 1:1 situation of my experience, but there's ghosts of myself in everything I write. This voicemail was one I drew on from an interaction I had with my own father.
One time as a teenager, on a really really hot day, I forgot my water bottle when I went to band practice and I passed out. Oops! I woke up, got sat down in the shade, a water bottle was found for me to drink. I was fine. However, the teachers didn't want me to drive myself home. Which sucked because I lived pretty far out of town. I call my dad. No answer. I call again. Nothing. I leave a voicemail.
I manage to get home (thanks to my stepmom who then left my dad a voicemail saying she grabbed me). But when my dad gets home, he's pissed. He had forgotten his phone in his car when he went into work that day. When he got in the car to drive home, he listened to my voicemail explaining what happened and asking for him to come pick me up (and then my stepmoms). So i'm sitting in our kitchen, and he's just chewing me out for being careless. and I remember thinking, why are you mad? It's not like I intended to get heat exhaustion. And then the more I listened to him, the more I realized. He wasn't actually mad at me. He was worried about me and upset with himself. He felt awful that he hadn't had his phone and couldn't help me when I needed him.
His kid was in trouble, he had been careless, now the kid's hurt. Maybe, had the kid been smarter, and let the monster kill him remembered to pack a water bottle, neither of us would be in this mess.
He was scared about what happened, and that fear came from feeling a lack of control, which then manifested into anger. Anger at himself for being useless, and anger at me for putting myself in that situation. What do you do when you're scared for someone? You get angry. Anger protects.
It's a sad song i think many fathers sing. I found it fitting for Dean.
4. All together now
So Dean's struggling with alcohol, even more so after Cas dying. He's struggling with Jack, and what to do about Jack, and how to be there for them when Dean's the reason their dad is dead. And then we get to this hunt where Dean is so so far from performing at his best and it's a tough fight and he's blaming himself for everything going wrong and then he's this fucking close to being the reason Jack dies, too. And oh, how it all that fear and self-loathing and grief come bursting out of him through anger.
and he feels so out of control! Cas is gone, Jack's hurt, Sam's hurt, and Dean is useless!! So he gets mad! but it's not out of unfairness. It's not out of an impossible situation. It's because Dean was drunk (and takes everyone's lives and well-being personally).
But that begs the question: is it really his fault?
Isn't that what genre he's in? Isn't he in the complex father show? the show about being angry? The show about family being hell?
That's not what he wants, though. That's not who he wants to be. He wants to be good. He wants to be good for his family. For Cas. For the people around him. Hell, maybe even for himself.
So maybe it's not his fault, but if he really wants to change, it is his responsibility to fix.
so maybe, just maybe, given some time, some space, and a narrative that cares,
maybe he can be what who he wants to be. Maybe he can have what he wants.
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profound-poster · 2 years
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not to hate on anyone who has said this but i am slightly offended at the idea that destiel and byler (or the shippers and their experiences) are not comparable or similiar.
while its true that destiel was not intentional from the start, it has been confirmed by writers, producers, and actors that it was known, acknowledged, talked about, and invested in, even on set. much like byler.
unfortunately the biggest problem lies with the CW, where spn was hosted. they fuck heavy with censorship and homophobia. around s12 they did a survey to test the idea of dean being gay, bi, and with cas (because god forbid there be a gay person). for whatever reason ($ and hatred, prolly) they, the cw, decided deans sexuality was not going to be explored in detail after the surveys.
yet we still got a love confession from cas as early as s12. and in the very same season dean talked about how his dad won his mother over (aka his ideal for love), it is revealed that dean made a mixtape for cas. just like his dad did for his mom. that very same episode is played out exactly like a scorned lover after cas betrays dean. dean says, "he came into my room and played me"
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and you dont get this cinematic of a shot for platonic besties. js
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and yes, while there is a large portion of the general audience that still doesnt see the clear markings of deans (mikes) sexuality and reciprocated romantic love; the many that enjoy media analysis and follow literary cues see it has been clear for awhile. even with all of the effort the cw used to try and indicate otherwise.
now i dont think netflix and the duffer brothers are giving us the same circumstances. which is great and im so glad we are living in a slightly better situation rn, but give respect where its due. destiel is not a crack ship and it wasnt even as subtextual as johnlock, no hate to johnlock. but destiel is more and has been for awhile. misha, jensen, and richard speight gave us the symbol of cas' devotion and deans salvation(see below) just as noah and other cast members have been coming out as byler shippers.
cas' devotion and deans salvation symblosim explained: cas saves dean from hell and dean is left with this physical reminder
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fast forward to the end of the series - cas has saved dean once again. cas' true happiness is in loving dean so he saves dean by confessing his love. once again leaving dean a physical reminder (the handprint idea came from cas and deans actors, so again they CARE about the character, their developments, and relationships)
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we've all been called many disgusting awful things for shipping destiel and most of them have indeed been rooted in homophobia. but mostly we were called delusional. delusional for loving this silly little ship that provides satisfying character development and analyzing the scenes, scripts, and anything we can get our hands on. and of course, delusional for finding comfort in these characters that we can see ourselves in. sound familiar bylers???
tldr; destiel and byler are pretty similiar. destiel is in fact contextual, subtextual, real and canon, just like byler will be. the main difference is the better world we live in, with less hatred and more love for explicit queer representation. where the company producing the show is actually not as homophobic (arguably at least censorship and queerbaiting isnt their thing)
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boughs-of-berries · 1 year
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You know what? I’ve changed my mind I WILL be elaborating.
Dean as “The Soldier”: There will come a soldier, who carries a mighty sword / He will tear your city down, oh lei oh lai oh lord
I feel like this is the most obvious one. He was raised to be the perfect soldier, told not to question his orders, and used as a weapon. The description from the quiz says “Righteousness. Strength. Violence. You see a door and break through it. You wonder, sometimes, if anger is the only thing you can feel. Remember : love is passion too. You made your own rules and will follow them to death. You try and forget that there is only one rule, and that it is ‘FIGHT’. You are tired of fighting. You try to forget that, too, and keep going. You dream of quiet. Your love is where you heal. God knows you deserve to”. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve said that that was written specifically about Dean ‘The Righteous Man’ Winchester. How many times have we seen throughout the series that Dean believes that all he is is anger? Has he said that he is tired of having to fight? In the confession scene, Cas says most of the stuff about how he isn’t just anger, but rather love. It is through Cas confessing his love to Dean that Dean is able to start healing, and we see that in 15x19, when Chuck tells Dean that he is “the ultimate killer” and Dean responds that “that’s not who I am”. There is a question in the quiz that asks what duty is, and the possible answers are “Violence”, “An Excuse”, and “Undeniable”. I believe that these answers are for the Soldier, Poet, and King respectively. For Dean, as the Soldier, duty is violence. All he has ever been needed for is as a weapon, so for him that would be all he knows. I know that some people may argue that Dean as as much if not more so a proponent of free will, and ergo he would also say that duty is an excuse, but it’s not that simple. Dean is far more likely to go along with what he feels is his duty, not because he’s a brainless soldier who just does what he’s told, but rather because he will follow his duty if it’s not something he is morally objective to. Dean is also more likely to feel guilty for abandoning his duty, especially if he thinks that doing so would hurt someone. Take for example Dean refusing to say “yes” to Michael. He knows that if he says “yes”, that millions of innocent people are going to die. He is obviously very opposed to this idea, so even though it’s his duty, he refuses to do it, as opposed to something like hunting. Dean agrees that bad monsters need to be stopped, he has the training to do so, and if he doesn’t do it then people would be hurt, so even if he doesn’t necessarily want to, he does his duty.
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Sam as “The Poet”: There will come a poet, whose weapon is his word / He will slay you with his tongue, oh lei oh lai oh lord
Sam often gets labelled as the “Brain” to Dean’s “Brawn”, and while Dean isn’t stupid, and Sam isn’t weak, those labels don’t come from nowhere. Sam is more likely to use his words to talk his way out of a problem, or use communication to avoid conflict in the first place. He also leans more heavily into using magic and spells in a fight, and is often the one who performs exorcisms and the like, literally slaying people with his tongue (and also the women he kisses tend to die lol). The description from the quiz reads “Loneliness. Strength. Joy. You are powerful, but struggle believing it. You think you're not enough. Here's the truth: you are. You sing songs and hope they carry faith, because you have run out if it, and yet you still throw your heart out to the world and hope it makes it through. You convince yourself that pain is art because at least then, you will always have something to create. You are tired of stumbling through life. You dream of a ground you can stand on. One day, you will dance. Your love is where you feel - without fear”. Especially with the demon blood in early seasons, Sam believed that he was tainted, and couldn’t be good. In later seasons, we see a Sam who may seem drained but always tries to have faith, and have hope that things will still work out, because if he doesn’t then who will? For Sam, duty is an excuse. Sam is a heavy believer in free will, and thinks that you always have the option of choosing something else. It may have been his duty to hunt, but that isn’t what he wanted to do, so he left to go to school. If you use duty as an excuse for why you did something, then there must be an underlying reason for why you really did it, because you never have to follow duty.
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Castiel as “The King”: There will come a ruler, whose brow is laid in thorns / Smeared with oil like David’s boy, oh lei oh lai oh lord
Literally “The Man Who Would Be King” himself, Castiel fits the description of the King perfectly. Going by the lyrics first, you could argue that this is the section with the most direct links to Christianity, and the Angel one fits that way. The crown of thorns and part about David’s boy are ties to Jesus, a son of God, and Cas, as an angel, is a son of God. Taking the crown of thorns line without the religious connotations, it matches his arc in season 6 really well. Just like how a literal crown of thorns would cut you, Cas was torn apart in every way in receiving power; physically, in his body deteriorating, mentally, under the pressures he was under, and emotionally, by having to compromise on his morals and values to try and win the war. Castiel was a commander in Heaven, and as we see throughout the show he isn’t afraid to make difficult decisions and he accepts whatever consequences may come as a result of them. The description from the quiz reads “Duty. Strength. Resignation. You were told to do things and you did them. The world is something that was put into your hands and that you must deal with - so you will. You have a rigid back and steady hands, either metaphorically or physically. Is it nature or nurture ? You don't know. You are tired of being steady. You dream of feeling alive. Not that you aren't, but, sometimes, it's hard to remember that there is a heart between your ribs. Your love is where you breathe. Come on, breathe. In. Out. It starts now”. Once again, a description that feels like it was written about Cas. For millennia, Cas followed along with what he was supposed to do. Even when he rebelled, he continued to do what he was supposed to, it was just that his moral code was aligned to Dean. In season 4, we see that Cas is beginning to feel, and throughout the rest of the show he highly values keeping those emotions and tries to encourage them in other angels. In the confession scene, Cas tells Dean that it is because of Dean that he even knows how to feel and love in the first place. Anything he loves is intrinsically tied to Dean, because without Dean he never would have loved. It is with Dean that he is the most free, and that is where he can breathe. For Castiel, duty is undeniable. While he does agree that you have the option of making any choice, whatever one you make will always be your duty. For countless years, his duty was to Heaven, so all of his choices revolved around that. When he rebelled in season 4, he wasn’t abandoning his duty to Heaven, but rather his duty was shifting to align to Dean. When he betrays the Winchesters in season 6, it is because he feels he has a duty to fix Heaven. Castiel believes that you can’t escape duty, all you can do is change what you are duty-bound to.
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girlbosswalkedoutonme · 10 months
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My current spn fic ideas
Succubus!sam - canon divergence where everything is the same except that Sam has Succubus powers that he cant really control. Humans and monsters will at random fall obsessively dangerously in love with him. (Not all of them but it happens often enough that its a problem) It does affect all demons he meets though. Weaker and lower demons will literally worship the ground he walks on and will be compelled to follow his every command while more powerful demons will be attracted to him but not subservient to him. This would most likely be a Cram fic btw
Fic based off this post- the apocalypse happens when Sam is in his teens. The fic I want to write is basically a rewrite of s4 but sam is 16 and Dean is 20 and they r 10x more emotional and irrational bcuz they r in the most insane situation that a 16 yr old and a 20 yr old could be in.
No monsters au/serial killer john au- i read this criminal minds/ spn crossover fic and became obsessed so I really wanted to write a criminal minds crossover of my own. Specifically i wanted to write a pre series fic where john and dean get caught but neither of them are talking so the cops bring in a 13 yr old sam and grill him but hes too traumatized to talk. However him being traumatized is interpreted as him being a stone cold psychopath and when the story gets out the media paints him as a serial killer in the making and 10 yrs down the line this reputation is still haunting him
Casifer gets trans woman Sam pregnant with Jack - Sam thinks that shes having sex with Cas but shes actually having sex with lucifer possessing cas. They of course do it raw and afterwards Sam begins noticing some strange things going on with her body but brushes it off as nothing until Lucifer reveals himself. However Lucifer also hadnt realized that hed gotten Sam pregnant until the soul fisting scene. At some point after the whole deal with Amara is resolved Lucifer kidnaps Sam and stashed him with Dagon (and yes i realize that i am ripping off Kelly Klines entire storyline for Sam) However sam of course wins Dagon over with her puppy dogs eyes and compelling personality and Dagon ends up deciding to help Sam and bcuz i refuse to kill off a woman of color she lives and becomes a part of team free will
(Additional Girl!sam fic- i also just want to write another girl sam fic that takes place in the early seasons. my idea of girl!sam is literally just kristen Stewart if she were 6'3. Shes super awkward. Also Jess is a dude and hes Josh Hutcherson bcuz short king)
Every sam girls favorite: Sam visions returns - After the episode which the name for im blanking on rn, bit its the one where they kill that one demon and get the spear of Michael. Anyway after sam kills that demon it ends up triggering his visions returning. Sam does not realize this but the visions are all about an unborn Jack bcuz yeah. Also probably some sam amd mary relationship weirdness bcuz you know. Also probably some Sam and Mary relationship tension bcuz she has once again altered his fate and inadvertently allowed the state of his "humanness" to be altered
But yeah these r the fic ideas that i have so far. Please let me know if any of them sound interesting and u think that i should write them!!
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Opinion #35
I am going to write about three separate things and they're not going to be related at all.
Dean is extremely protective of Sam and usually hurts anyone who hurts Sam in any way. Cass has hurt Sam though and Dean doesn't kill him. I think you could argue it is mostly because of Chuck that Dean doesn't hurt him since once they were entirely free Dean hadn't seemed to care about Cass very much. There are definitely certain things Dean should have gone after him for like letting Lucifer out of the cage and rendering Sam's sacrifice useless or breaking Sam's wall. (Dean did ask Death to kill Cass technically but later used him to heal Sam and then left him in the mental hospital. Also, saving the trench coat is not a big deal. Neither is Dean giving him a mixtape which is unrelated but I've seen people write things on it.)
Dean knows how much Lucifer scares Sam and I have no doubt he was mad that Cass had let him out. He was also worried for Cass just not super worried. Besides Chuck's influence, one Dean does care about Cass to a point but two Cass is useful. He could save Sam or Dean if they are ever hurt when he has his powers. So Cass sometimes does get a free pass because if Sam or Dean ever got hurt he's their get-out-of-jail-free card. I also think because Cass is technically a supernatural being they let any betrayals roll off their backs easier than they would each other because to a certain extent they expect it from everyone else.
Other times I can think of are Walt and Roy, Cole, and an episode early in season 5. I think the reason Dean didn't track them down was pretty much they hadn't been a threat after they came back from Heaven. At the time they had bigger problems since they were both okay. Obviously, if they had ever gone after Sam again he would have murdered them but they didn't go after Sam again and in season 12 he wouldn't have done it when they needed help from them to kill the British Men of Letters. I don't think Dean would have let Sam go to the British Men of Letters base if he thought Walt and Roy would be a problem.
Cole was such a small part of season 10 but obviously, Dean was a demon so he wasn't really Dean when Sam was abducted. (Would have loved to see what would have happened if Dean had really been Dean at the time.) Later when he met up with them and they became kinda friends I think Dean probably sympathized with him to a point for wanting revenge on the person who killed his father. I don't know if Dean even remembered Sam being taken hostage when he was a demon. I think it's possible he didn't want to remember because he would see it as failing to keep Sam safe. Again, if Cole had gone after Sam again or even if Dean had been reminded of it he would have killed/hurt him but he hadn't been threatening Sam in any way during that episode. (I don't know why they let him call them Sammy and Deano. Didn't care enough to correct him I guess.)
In the season 5 episode, I think it was because Dean didn't really know what was going on but if he had known for a fact Sam was hurt despite their relationship not doing well at that time he would have gone to him.
Despite the situations I have explained Dean has always protected Sam. That doesn't change because of the few times I have detailed above.
The second part is I know Dean said some awful things to Sam in seasons 4 and 5 and I've also seen people say 7 but he was always there for Sam when it counted. No, I am not saying that the panic room was the best way to handle it because it definitely wasn't and I'm sure Dean felt guilty about that and wouldn't repeat it. He wasn't trying to treat Sam as if he wasn't human and he would have let him out I just think neither he nor Bobby had any idea what to do. He obviously still cared about Sam though because he was upset when Sam was calling out for him. Despite saying those things to Bobby and saying things to Sam as well (he didn't mean any of them he was just angry but still) he told Sam he was sorry in the real voicemail. Sam and Dean got back together in season 5 and Dean told him they keep each other human. He took responsibility for his part in the apocalypse even though in reality the apocalypse was neither of their faults. He told that doctor in season 5 when they were trying to get into the mental hospital that Sam wasn't evil he had just been high. (Which I know is supposed to be funny but I really do believe he meant it when he said Sam wasn't evil.) He was teasing Sam about trusting a demon and there didn't seem to be any bad blood at that moment. In Dark Side of the Moon, Sam didn't understand why he was in Heaven and Dean told him he had thought he was doing the right thing. In Point of No Return, he didn't say yes to Michael because he didn't want to let Sam down despite having said awful things to Sam since he had been feeling hopeless. He told Sam they weren't going to let Anna kill him when Sam asked Cass if that would work. He told Michael to fix Sam when she did kill him. He didn't agree with Sam when Sam was putting himself down and didn't agree with Bobby when he was being harsh either. He told Sam that he would have faith in him and that they would make their own destiny. He lied to Death about letting Sam jump and thought he would be able to bring Sam back. He collected 100s of books trying to get Sam out of the Cage and was a wreck that entire year. He decided to not let Sam die alone and let Lucifer beat him up on the off chance he could get through to Sam. Then in season 6, he told Sam clean slate so Sam knew that Dean had forgiven him for everything that happened. I know Dean said some awful things to Sam and wasn't super nice about everything because that's how Dean gets when he's angry and hurt or feels hopeless but he was always there for Sam when it counted. I also know things were brought back up in season 8 during the cursed coin thing and even the finale but the cursed coin thing had been at a time when their relationship wasn't great and it is my believe he was just being facetious during the finale because of course then we have the church scene.
As far as season 7 goes there was so much stuff weighing them both down in season 7 but he had been worried about him that entire season and I'm sure the most pressing matter on Dean's mind was Sam because it always is. He didn't know what to do and like I said when he feels hopeless he tends to lash out. They had also been fighting so anything said during that time he probably hadn't meant. He does trust Sam and was there for Sam because he helped Sam figure out what was real and then got Cass to fix him. Also little things like putting on a soft rock station to try to get Sam to sleep.
Another thing. Whatever Lucifer did to Sam in the Cage would have taken out all of the extra demon blood Sam had ingested. Sam was ripped apart atom by atom and then put back together. All the demon blood was gone except the tiny bit that he had as a baby which I assume was taken out of him all the way by the trials although since he never finished the trials I don't know for sure.
Also, Dean tricking Sam into thinking Amelia was in trouble a bad move but I'm glad they got through everything in that season and any other time they were fighting and actually came out stronger because of it.
For the record, I am a Sam-leaning bibro but most of all I am a fan of their relationship so I am going to defend both of them.
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souryogurt64 · 2 years
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very possible i made this up but i think you talked a while ago about pete alluding to some kind of trauma and i was wondering what you were referring to?
yeah hes alluded to it before
he alluded to a PTSD diagnosis in a journal entry from 2006.
Saturday, January 14th, 2006 4:14 pm
"noones ever been this good for this long" this is everything i am thinking right now with out transition. i apologize for my brains lack of linear thought processing: i hate the way it gets dark so early here this time of year. i guess "seasonal depression" kind of falls under "ADD" and "post tramatic whatever disorder" for me. i feel like its science from the madhatter down the rabbit hole. not too real. but lately i just wake up blue — my only thought is— how soon will the day be over so i can get back into bed. i open my eyes just a tiny bit and blur the numbers on the clock with my eyelashes....."
their 2007 rolling stone story touched on and alluded to trauma as well
Wentz, the child of a law-school professor dad and a private-school admissions-dean mom, had always presented his childhood as idyllic and uneventful. When pressed, he touches on a couple of traumatic events......
first, it lists a "trivial" one-- his parents separating and quotes him on saying, "I don’t really think of myself in terms of really having a fucked-up childhood – everyone I know had a more fucked-up one.”
Wentz, who’s wearing a brown-and-black vintage hoodie and untapered, regular-guy Diesel jeans, nervously slides the battery cover of the TV remote control and moves on to a later trauma: “When I was fourteen, I got sent to boot camp,” he says, gazing at the ceiling. He had been skipping school regularly in his freshman year, and a guidance counselor persuaded his parents to send him to a tough-love, scared-straight sleep-away program. For eight long weeks. “It was terrible,” Wentz says softly. “Every kid there was so much more fucked up than me – demented, satanic kids. I got beat up a couple of times. I’d call my parents every day, crying and saying I wanted to come home. I would beg. I felt isolated. It created these dependency and attachment issues.”
And then you ended up living at home . . . Wentz nods. “Until age twenty-seven. Yeah. Even now I need maternal people in my life more than anything,” he says. He traces many of his emotional problems – and his artistic drive – back to the boot-camp experience. “That was the point I stopped talking to anybody. I really haven’t since then. I don’t talk to people about my emotions – it’s not pleasant to be in a relationship with someone who’s robotic like that. And if I don’t get the emotions out somehow, whether it’s punching things or writing, I would probably explode.”
he talks about it again on howard stern "I went to this bootcamp for awhile which wasn't a whole lot of fun in Wolfsborough, New Hampshire. I was recommended to go there by a therapist and it was pretty much hell on earth, it was the worst thing. I was a goofy kid, who was kind of weird, but I was there with these kids like Michael Meyers from Halloween....[My parents] thought it would get on schedule and get me figured out and all it did was make me angrier at them.... I probably was the problem, honestly.... I think that I have a strange brain chemistry...."
petes dad also went on a podcast and it was briefly touched on it, he basically just said he and petes mom seriously regretted sending him and they regretted not really listening to him saying he needed to come home.
pete told this story about how he took acid and mdma at the same time when he was 13-14, which may have predated the camp, which he said was 14-15, and also said he had bars on his windows by age 13, so i think it is obvious he had like something not great going on upstairs even before the camp. he has also said he wasnt that bad of a kid and was never into drugs and it was just skipping school and smoking cigarettes and graffiti. he is like A Teller Of Tales so who knows when he is stretching the truth to make himself sound slightly more badass or normie when the situation suits him.
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cassinidean · 2 years
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I am not a Casgirl so this has been requiring some thought and stuff but I think the thing about Cas. Late-seasons Cas, S12-15, maybe. Besides all the other stuff. Is that Cas is trying really, really hard to love people, both in a specific way and in a more overarching way. And it is really, really, really hard for him.
His models for this are Dean and Sam Winchester, and Dean’s love is both almost entirely action-based and also almost entirely...reflexive? Might be a good way to put it. He’s got contact empathy. If you’re an even vaguely sympathetic figure and you kick around in Dean’s orbit long enough (which in early seasons is like...half an hour), Dean’s going to end up caring, intensely, about what happens to you. It’s part of what makes him a good hunter, but it also burns him out.
Sam doesn’t have that reflexive attachment; he’s both a lot more vocal about his (intended) emotional response as well as more deliberate in the application of his compassion and sympathy. There’s some change pre- and post-cage, but generally Sam is quite intentional about deciding to care about others, and the boundaries for this are usually demarcated by “good” and “good intentions,” which is why in general he has more flexible boundaries when it comes to SPN’s monster problem.
A quick aside: there’s an exception to his here which I’m still trying to puzzle out, but basically, I think once you make Sam’s blacklist, you’re blacklisted for good. And Dean is far, far more likely (especially post-hell, I think) to be willing to compromise a moral or an ideal in order to find a middle-ground solution, and he’s also faster to agree to an alliance with a “bad” person in order to do that. Crowley is the obvious example, but Dean is also usually the first person to pause and hear out the monster of the week, unless they’ve done him a grievous personal harm (by which I mean, hurt his family or else done something to insult him).
These are Cas’ primary models for “love” (aside from Bobby and Jimmy, but, well...another post). And neither of them are quite suited for him. I think the gap between what Cas feels and what Cas thinks and does is quite narrow, but it’s very deep, and bridging that gap is extremely complicated for him. The difference between sensation and emotion is a thin, thin line, and experiences like frustration, anger, grief, distress, loneliness etc. aren’t processed too far away from hunger, thirst, overstimulation, exhaustion, and so on. And Cas is used to blocking all of that out, or feeling them all at once, and he’s had very little practice with regulating them, picking out which sensations he needs to feel and which he needs to ignore. Dean’s method doesn’t work for him, because he doesn’t allow his emotional experience to run straight through to his decision-making to his processing, because there’s simply too much he’s experiencing at any given time for that to work.
But Sam is almost algorithmically careful in his dealings with others (it’s part of what makes him such a good leader) while maintaining a lot of hope and optimism (some insanely hard-fought-for-optimism and I adore him for it) about people in general and the potential of the human experience. Sam believes in these things; he has faith in them. And Cas doesn’t quite want something to believe in, either; he’s been there, done that, decided it wasn’t for him. It’s not that he doesn’t believe in the promise and the good of humanity. It’s that he wants to love as a commitment.
And it doesn’t come easy to him at all. He’s a hypocrite. He’s prone to justifying the means. He alternates between overly cautious and incredibly reckless. He throws himself into things and he’s prone to a kind of reluctant narcissism and he’s really petty. There’s that Misha Collins quote about how Cas doesn’t really have a scale for relative importance that I think is kind of bang-on in certain ways. It’s hard for him to know what’s important and what’s okay to set aside. And he knows all this about himself and tries to account for it, most days.
So he’s done all of this really big stuff for humanity and he ends up here, on the planet, trying to do things in a mundane kind of way, and trying really genuinely to be patient and loving and kind to everyone he meets. And it’s hard. It’s hard because regulating his emotions enough to muster up the patience and the kindness doesn’t feel like love, because love is an emotion, too, right? He gave a lot to be able to feel it, not just believe in it. And it’s hard because love doesn’t drown out all the other sensations slamming into his processing power all the time. He has to be deliberate about it. He has to pick it out. It’s exhausting. He doesn’t know any other way to go about it.
And he still decides every day -- deliberately, intentionally -- to do it anyway, because it’s worth doing. That’s Cas.
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