#I am craving for their friendship

[joanthangroff]

i think it's insane how much reading/fanfic preferences tell you about a person's mental health tbh. the amount of times i came out of therapy thinking "so THAT's why i like x type of fanfic!!!". incredible

#yo yas #i like enemies to lovers fics bc the idea that someone chooses to love you after seeing you do your worst is crazy #i'm obsessed with childhood friends bc i've never had any deep friendships throughout my life #i still don't. #like the person i am most open to are people who live far away so in a way i don't really have to deal with them reacting to my feelings #if you get what i mean #and deep down i am craving for connections like that #i wonder what would have happened if i HAD moved to franconia after getting my a-level

[ghoulbats]

what if i dm’ed people i wanted to be friends with. what then.

#this is a threat #i have been craving friendship and am currently low on anxiety who knows what might happen

[red-dye40]

heeyyyyyyyyyy :) hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :) hi everyone :) heeeeyyy :) hellooooooo :)

#whats a gal gotta do to get more interaction on this webbsite! #INB4 MAKE THE FIRST MOVE #im shy teehee #but i crave friendship #oh also i am so pmdd depressed right now i feel like im going to be sucked into a black hole so that has a lot to do with it #but still :) send me asks send me things i rly love it

[frotting-corporations]

i like to be alone too much. i'm ruining the possibility of making new friends

#a poast #girl i am getting too comfortable with being alone and not talking to anyone for long periods of time #i dont really reciprocate when people are trying to be friendly with me #i know i should and that its ultimately going to make me happier but alas i am also perfectly comfortable with not doing it so i dont #yeah self sabotge is my middle name how did you know #friendship and happiness vs the mortifying ordeal of being known #bitches when they're really fucking lonely and crave connection but also have no desire to reach out:

[plexippusangel]

I either need to accept that I am just a way stronger person than this friend and can handle way more while still being able to engage with the world as a person, or recognize excuses as excuses, accept that I am not valued and be done or. Maybe both. Idk. It might be somewhere between the two. I am just sick of regular life stuff rendering him unable to spend any time with me, and of him being unable to bear any of the details of my life, when I would move mountains to rekindle our friendship. Though I'm starting to wonder if I still would.

#faer personal files #i just. really didn't want officiating his wedding to be our last hurrah of friendship even though i did kind of feel it coming #also i'm really sick of being infantilized for my chronic fatigue i am a grown adult and i know what i'm capable of #ugh. maybe i'm just being awful and not understanding in which case i'm too much of a rancid person to be his friend i guess #but i don't think that's the case #idk i'll never forget when i couldn't see this dude for a year even masked up outside for covid but when another of our old friends came up #from her job doing COVID RELATED CROWD CONTROL FOR THE FUCKING ARMY he went on a hike with her mask off #and i think that says a lot about what our friendship's been for years honestly. if he can't bear my company idk why i try #if i'm just an interesting prop for conversations and occasions but not a friend. i can't accept that #i am an interesting prop for conversations. the disabled genderfluid bisexual genius who lost everything bc of said disability #but i didn't lose everything i just have to fucking rebuild on new ground. and i am doing that. i whine on occasion but i am so strong #and i do know how to interact with people without traumadumping i haven't on him in YEARS but his concept of me crystalized at age 21 #or something like that i guess. idk it just breaks my heart #bc for a long time he was my person. he was the only person who knew the authentic me. more even than my sisters at times. #and yeah that was a little unhealthy but at the time he craved that!!! #and then i grew up and stopped needing him like that around the same time he stopped wanting that and it should have been fucking fine #but like. even senior year of college when i was sick it was already starting to fall apart #like i remember being on a small hike once being exhausted and jokingly being like you gotta carry me back and then being like #no really i might actually need an arm to lean on by the end of this walk if i'm gonna make it back to the car i really don't know if i can #and he said no bc he didn't want to look straight. who the fuck CARES??? i could barely walk i was stumbling my way back annoying him going #too slow. fuck. and that really has been what our friendship has been for years. the minute my house wasn't the most convenient place it wa #more or less dead idk why i keep dragging this horse around #idk why i keep letting him break my heart like this it's so stupid he's never gonna care about me like he did when i was quick and brillian #but never quite as smart as him in his view. fuck him. i'm smarter. just bc i was a little gullible or paranoid at times bc of the #FUCKING CPTSD doesn't mean i was dumber than him. the fuck??? there's something wrong with me i swear idk why i hang on #anyway i'm irritated. but i'm also reluctant to throw away somebody who's seen me through key points in my life. so.

[amberpriceenthusiast]

All I need is radioheads fic where they are comforting each other post game and also confessing and getting together

Like them having to share a room because the whole group is held back a few days for police questioning. Dylan is still coping with the loss of his hand and at one point Ryan sees him just staring at where his hand once was, so sits down next to him and lets him talk through it and that somehow ends in Ryan, without thinking at all, grabbing Dylan’s hand and kissing it and then they’re both just sitting down on the shit hotel beds at 2am and thinking “what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck” for a solid minute

#guys I am craving post game they have to stay at the hotel for questioning fic so bad #besides all the actual trauma there’s relationships and worries of keeping in touch or not #but it could be light hearted too #some friendships developing because of this and through the stay at the hotel they all decide to stay in touch #because there is no way for them to get through this trauma without each other #the quarry #supermassive games #dylan lenivy #ryan erzahler #supermassive games the quarry #drylan #radioheads #Rylan #ryan x dylan #dylan x ryan #ryan/dylan #dylan/ryan

[herrlichersonnigertag]

biting and clawing and gnashing my teeth and screaming. btw.

#deleted all my tags on this post #but suffice it to say that I am really craving some new friendships

[frosted-luckycharms]

i want so badly to have those bone-deep, ride-or-die friendships. friends who feel like family. friends who are kindred spirits. friends who i feel excited to be around and can talk about anything and everything with. friends who i’m platonically in love with.

#i just started school and am making lots of new friends but i know it’s gonna take work to get to this level #i just crave deep friendships sm #friendship #mine #platonic love #asexual #aromantic #ooo those tags are COLOREDY??

[thundersyst3m]

U berry cool, but u seem scared of me

.

#thunder asks #i probably am lol /j #mostly im just anxious with interacting with others #but i crave interaction and friendship #Anonymous

[munamania]

something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.

#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love #what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it #why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties #of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often #so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk #and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore #i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them #. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec #but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd #but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE. #OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL. #and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness #but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart. #this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it #that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too #and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch #now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it. #because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do #something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope #and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude #this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post #ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting #all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever

[weenhands]

not to sound like a loser but i sort of wish i was in love again

#no more situationships. No more crushes #and not in a way thats depressing i guess. i think ive just been teased of that alot #and i wish i could just feel something. and also not feel alone...like real connection yknow #i dont normally crave romantic relationships and these past few years ive been healing my need #to be in friendships and stuff like ive been embracing how ppl who sre meant for me #will just naturally come #but its not rlly normal for me to be like aughghfhfh i need some1 to kiss and to hold and to just. feel one with #i think its bc rn im Literally on my period so. Yea #but otherwise!! this feeling will go and ill just. accept how incredibly infrequent it is that i am in love #every 6 friendships is 1 romantic relationship

[lunasilvis]

Been writing someone I care about a phantom letter because my heart has so much to say still (but won't send because space is still called for both ways - doesn't mean I'll become forgetful :) )

#It's about processing someone's side of a story better than I ever had before. about gratitude and understanding. love and friendship - #about becoming humbler and less bold. about wanting to assure someone i'll always be here and never will go #hat what has happened has been good. and i hope you sleep well at night and always have the love you crave for around. #that you'll always just have enough (and a little more) to survive and love life. i hope you'll learn to love life even better - #because life looks good on you. soak up the goodness. embrace what you fucking deserve. it's in abundance if you look for it #and most importantly. eventhough i do not deserve the full range of your platonic care. assuming it is past and love me for who i am: #i'll always be your friend. i'm here for you in practically less than a split second. defending/fighting for/considering you #having become more insightful and taken the time to relive it from your point of view. that was hell. thank u for being here still #*and in a funny sense thank u for not endangering my career or whatever with the knowledge u possess lol. that's a pure form of love. #personal #if i can't send it i'll vent it on my ~tumblr blog~ lol

[echolett]

following my other post I have a lot in common with currently shown hermie and his personality

#good and bad really #kinda had a will they wont they before they got super weird #Kinda also pushed away when they werent being weird cause they #only craved the small amount of (friendship) affection i gave them #Like u dont like me IDIOT u like the attention i gave you #dndads #hermie unworthy #hermie the unworthy #i am hermie hermie is me #Kinning?? in 2023?? its more likely then u think

[wholemleko]

.

#full of so much vicious envy #envying the people who got to grow up and stay stable #I miss when I could read fast and spell correctly consistently #I envy the friendships that can somehow be extremely close while also remaining stable #I envy the people who can feel safe about other people #I don't even know how to put it into words #I envy the people who can hold a job #and the people who can do it in spite of the horrors #and I'm grateful I still have a roof over my head #but this rant is about feeling weak and pathetic in part #cause last time I tried to do a chore more intense than putting away a couple of dishes I spiraled #how am I supposed to live #i can't afford treatment #and I don't think those who have money they can spend on me see treatment as a necessity that is urgent #so what can I do anyways. rot #I envy the people who can just fucking live and still have a grasp on their own mind and abilities #and who are able to be normal about other people #feel normal about human connection #not be craving it desperately while fearing it violently #I want to be able to write like I used to #but I never want to love the way I used to love every again #I envy people who can enjoy something and not let it take control over their mind to an irrational and stupid degree #where things that at the end of the day do not matter in my life still make me go into fight or flight the instant I wake up in the morning #vent

[morbid-bvnny]

#mentions of su^cide this is a vent post so maybe don’t read #I woke up at 4am from a nightmare and haven’t been able to fall back asleep due to chronic overthinking and stress #it’s always early morning or late at night that my disorder starts fucking with me most #when I have literally no one to turn to #my head is so far under water that I have no idea what to do and it’s fucking tearing me apart #I’ve been struggling financially for about about a year and a half now and it just seems to get worse #no matter what I try to do to make it better #I’ve changed jobs I’ve worked multiple jobs I’ve asked for raises I’ve tried to get as much overtime as possible #but im literally killing myself every day just to barely be scraping by and it fucking so bad #im such a fucking failure in life I can’t do a single thing right and every door I open is a dead end #im starting to think that there’s nothing for me and there’s no place that I fit in #on top of financial stress I am struggling with a chart full of mental illnesses all of which I am unmediated for #you guess it^also financial. I cannot even afford to pay for my meds and I’ve been off them for the year and a half I’ve been struggling #this whole year and a half I made friends and I’ve lost them just as quickly #I literally crave connections with people but I have no idea how to even remotely communicate that to anyone #I can’t make friends I’m as uninteresting as it gets and I’m distant and communicating is a struggle for me #I want friends but I lack the understanding of what helps friendships grow #I feel so alone on a day to day basis it’s depressing and I’m at a point where I feel like I could k^ll myself and nobody would even notice #or care for that matter #I’ve noticed the things that kept me from committing are no longer things that hold me back #rather they’ve turned into reason to go through with it instead and the only thing keeping me alive is not having the means to do it #I think the world will be exactly as it is without me and I’ve made no real difference in anyone’s life for it to even stir up emotion #the world keeps moving #people will say oh that’s so sad when they hear about it #and they will move on as if nothing happened #the burdens I’ve brought on my family will be gone and ultimately they would be much better off without me here #I guess it’s only a matter of time at this point

[heroes-never-discourse]

handsome devil not ending with a kiss or even the barest hint of ned and conor getting together at all is my villain origin story

#not discourse #hello its your boy back again with the bi-annual handsome devil vent #handsome devil is an almost perfect movie and it is my beloved #but goddamn it's shot like a budding romance for so much of it and then i am left with nothing #'but platonic friendship-' yes yes their friendship is beautiful and i am in all sense of the word Fine with that being the end of it #but i am also just a simple gay #who craves the romantique affection #and they are so cute :( #jsdhgdsjk rewatching handsome devil for the billionth time bc i will reiterate it is one of my Beloveds