#I am consumed by shame ‘what did you do this weekend’ ‘what were you doing before’

[recurring-polynya]

For the ask meme (feel free to answer any/some/none):

🌙 - What’s their sleep schedule like? — Yamamoto

🤡 - What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about? — Kira

🖌️ - Do they have any hobbies? —Hanatarou

💤 - What do they absolutely need to have to fall asleep? —Byakuya (and does this change over time?)

I hope your weekend is shaping up to be nice!

🌙 - What’s their sleep schedule like? — Yamamoto

Here’s his entire daily schedule, because, as you will see, sleep is strongly integrated throughout.

5am - rise, fully rested. Consume a light breakfast of nattou and kombucha. Hit the gym early, when all the young bucks in their short shorts are there.

6:30 am - Drink a glass of vinegar and eat an entire raw sweet potato.

7 am - Squad 1 morning standup

7:15 - Sit down at desk. Fall asleep.

9 am - Sasakibe brings in their morning grapefruit and talks about British things for an hour.

10 am - Write half a strongly worded letter to whichever captain is on his shitlist today and/or the Seireitei Bulletin. Fall asleep partway through. 

11 am - Lunchtime. 12oz of cod, two raw eggs, and another sweet potato.

noon - Set things on fire

1 pm - Official nap

2 pm - Captains’ meeting, if applicable. Otherwise, wander around and grumble.

3 pm - Dinner. 8 oz of steak (he’s the Head Captain, he can afford it), large pile of veggies, rice.

4 pm - Drills with the youngsters (no one in Squad 1 is younger than 400 years old)

5 pm - Bath. Likelihood of drifting off in the bath: high

6 pm - Drinks sake, contemplates the universe.

7 pm - Before bed second dinner. Another 12 oz of cod, some roughage, more kombucha, 4 pickled plums.

8 pm - A responsible bedtime!!

🤡 - What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about? — Kira

You mean aside from existing?

Izuru is embarrassed about so many, many things, but this is the dumbest, which is that until very recently, he didn’t think that chameleons actually changed color, he thought it was a folklore-based metaphor, like the way people associate salamanders with fire. The reason he thought this was very simple, which is that Gin mentioned this, in numerous offhand ways, for the purposes of messing with him. I mean, it wasn’t personal, ‘chameleons can’t really change color’ was just one of a number of similar bits Gin did to anyone he thought would fall for it, it just happened that Izuru a) spent a lot of time with Gin and b) isn’t tremendously good at telling when people are lying to him, especially about things dropped in casual conversation. Chameleons aren’t native to Japan and they don’t have them in Soul Society, and who has time to keep track of all the weird animals from other parts of the Living World, some of which are made up. I mean, narwhals are real, but unicorns are made up???

Anyway, at some point after the Winter War, the topic happened to come up in the context of a painting Momo was doing (Shinji had asked her to do something colorful to hang in the office) and they got into a big standoff about it. Izuru refused to take Shinji’s word for it, because the man is at least as full of shit as Gin, so they decided to take it to the man who knows everything about the World of the Living, except that they didn’t want to explain why they were asking, so one night at the bar, Momo just casually asked Renji if he knew anything about chameleons.

Boy, does he. Apparently, at some point during the Advance Team mission, Chad had shown Renji a multipart documentary series called “Remarkable Reptiles,” and he spent the next hour regaling them with Chameleon Facts, including their weird feet, their incredible eyesight, the fact that they glow under UV light, and, of course, their ability to change color (which is not as good as a cuttlefishes, according to a different animal documentary Renji had seen). Momo grew more and more smug as this recitation went on, Izuru attempted to dissolve his own organs through the power of shame. Shuuhei was there also, but was so enraptured by the magic of chameleons, he did not notice that Izuru himself had turned bright red (not for camouflage purposes)

Anyway, Momo is a kind and compassionate friend, and did not rub this in, but it doesn’t matter, the damage was done. Izuru sometimes lies in bed and wonders how many people he casually mentioned the chameleon thing to. He wonders if they noticed. He wonders if there is any possibility that Gin himself was also misinformed about the nature of chameleons.

Shinji loved the chameleon painting (it looks vaguely like him) and hung it in a prominent spot in the office. He also framed the large, extremely random nature column that coincidentally appeared in the Bulletin shortly afterward entitled “Chameleons! Did You Know?” and hung it up next to the painting. Izuru hates going to the Squad 5 offices. 

🖌️ - Do they have any hobbies? —Hanatarou

I think Hanatarou would collect stickers! He’s very chill about it, he just buys ones he likes and he occasionally sticks them in notebooks, just making little collages of ones he things look nice together. He prefers ones that are cute or funny or pretty, but he also loves ones that come from different places or that commemorated a particular event or festival. When she gets an opportunity, Kiyone will sometimes bring them back from the World of the Living for him-- he loves the shininess and quality of the printing.

While he does have some hard-to-get ones that he keeps special, he is very generous with his stickers. The Coordinated Relief Station doesn’t see a lot of children, but Hanatarou is the one who maintains the sticker stock, just in case, plus Yachiru will often drop by for the sole purpose of demanding one.

💤 - What do they absolutely need to have to fall asleep? —Byakuya (and does this change over time?)

His wife. 😭😭😭💔💔💔

Like many neurodivergent people, Byakuya had a lot of trouble falling asleep as a kid. Byakuya is a Kuchiki though, he bends the world to his whim. He would carefully consider why couldn’t fall asleep. Was he too hot? Was there a noise bothering him? Was he hungry? Thirsty? He eventually figured out the optimal Byakuys Sleeping Conditions, which didn’t solve the problem, but it helped. From there, he tried out numerous sleep inducing techniques-- counting imaginary animals, visualizing peaceful surroundings, reciting various things he had memorized. He never found a precise recipe for getting to sleep, but he developed heuristics, and was generally able to get himself to sleep one way or another.

And then he got married.

He worried, somewhat, in the run-up to this, that sleeping with another person was going to require acclimation. A person. Next to you. Breathing. Making body heat. What if Hisana didn’t like the sheets he preferred? What if she wanted the windows closed when he wanted them open? She was the most wonderful person in the world, though, it would be worth going through all of it all over again.

As it turned out, lying in a dark room next to a person he loved was the most peaceful Byakuya had ever felt in his life and he fell asleep immediately, no alternate nostril breathing necessary. For roughly three years, Byakuya slept easily and deeply and awoke well-rested every morning.

Eventually, Hisana’s illness worsened, and Byakuya would often lay away, worrying, listening to her labored breathing, wanting to be awake in case she needed anything, thinking about how sleep chipped away at the limited number of hours he had left with her.

He slept very poorly in the year after her death, which is when he got into the habit of wandering his garden in the middle of the night. The following year, Rukia came. She also liked to wander the gardens in the dark hours, and Byakuya did not regard haunting the grounds as a group activity, so he returned to his old practices and managed to get himself back to sleep most nights. He is grateful to Rukia for this, actually. Sleep is important, and it is very irresponsible for a Clan Head and Gotei Captain to neglect his own rest.

Rukia’s own need for nighttime perambulations decreases eventually as well. Since night air can be calming, Byakuya slowly allowed himself to indulge in it again, occasionally, if he truly felt it would be effective. Even more eventually, he realized that while haunting is best done by your lonesome, a bit of companionship in insomnia isn’t so bad after all.

That was sad, so here’s a chaser:

Because Byakuya has invested so much effort in it, he can pretty much fall asleep in any conceivable conditions. He can and does fall asleep with his eyes open during Captains’ meetings. He never gets insomnia on field missions, because sleeping must be done in turns and if you do not sleep on your turn, it is a betrayal of your comrades and a risk to the operation, in short: you gotta. Renji is also an incredible Field Mission sleeper, and the two of them will just fall asleep and wake up at any time of day or night with no preamble, basically on command. Byakuya and Renji do a lot of awe-inspiring things, but it is the general opinion of Squad Six that this is the most impressive.

(original ask meme)

#misc ask meme #genryusai shigekuni yamamoto #izuru kira #hanataro yamada #byakuya kuchiki #lol i know i spend way too much time on these #so i hope y'all are enjoying them #i did have a nice weekend actually! #it featured THUNDERSTORMS

[fahrni]

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning! ☕️

It’s been an interesting week with our new pup, Cocoa. Potty training a puppy is quite a chore and there are lots of accidents while doing it. We’ve figured out her pattern and have been taking her out every few hours. She’s doing really well! 🐶

San Joaquin Valley Sun

A frantic, three-month cash dash by Jake Soberal, the chief executive officer of Bitwise Industries, to convince local investors to provide hard money loans may have ultimately led to the sprawling tech hub and real estate venture’s undoing.

I hope everyone affected by this is able to find work soon. This furlough affected 900 people. That’s just horrible.

I’m hopeful Bitwise will be able to get this all figured out and continue operations soon, but it looks pretty grim. 😔

iamthatis • Reddit

I’ll cut to the chase: 50 million requests costs $12,000, a figure far more than I ever could have imagined.

I feel terrible for Christian. Apollo, his Reddit client, is arguably the best iOS client application on the market. It’s the client application I use and it’s beautifully designed and extremely stable.

Reddit just wants to destroy all third-party applications. Just come out and say that.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this Christian. ❤️

Yet another example of a service destroying the business of a tiny developer who made the “mistake” of using their free API.

Inside Climate News

Climate change is spurring interest in remaking local infrastructure to accommodate renewable energy, minimize power failures and expand consumer choice.

I really like this idea of a “Mom & Pop” sized local energy producer.

Of course progressive towns would choose solar and wind energy while red states would pump out energy using coal and fossil fuels.

Louie Mantia

I am proudly publishing this post from my new home in Tokyo, Japan.

Good for you Louie! There’s a part of me that wishes we’d traveled more often when we were younger.

I’m realizing waiting until retirement to get out into the world is a huge mistake. You bust your butt for a long time, retire, then can’t get around because your body hurts so much you don’t feel like getting out. Who called them the golden years? Probably some ad agency. 🤣

The Associated Press

The North Carolina base was originally named in 1918 for Gen. Braxton Bragg, a Confederate general from Warrenton, North Carolina, who was known for owning slaves and losing key Civil War battles that contributed to the Confederacy’s downfall.

The dude was a loser so let’s name a US Military Base after him. 🤣

Thank you Confederate Bragg for helping the United States defeat the Confederacy and abolish slavery.

The Confederacy needs to be completely smashed. It should remain in history books and be shamed every chance we get.

Ben & Jerry’s

Ben & Jerry’s business model is built around the idea that every decision we make, and every dollar we spend in the course of our day-to-day operations is an opportunity to advance our progressive values.

Let’s hear it for progressing values!

Go buy a pint of Chubby Hubby, Phish Food, Cherry Garcia, or your own personal favorite and support a wonderful progressive company.

Salon

The last time I saw my great-uncle, he uttered six words that I will never forget. Struggling to speak, as he was already 102 years old, his mouth slowly formed each syllable with excruciating effort: “Nazis… are… bastards… Shoot… to… kill!"

And there you have it, direct from someone who knows a thing or two about Nazis.

NASCAR

NASCAR has implemented an update to the Next Gen NASCAR Cup Series chassis that will go into effect beginning with this weekend’s action at Charlotte Motor Speedway.

Part of what fascinates me about motor sports is the ever evolving technology. When Kyle Larson was hit broadside by Ryan Preece at Talladega it caused the roll cage to fail. Luckily it was on the passenger side of the car. NASCAR did an analysis of the situation and altered the design of the Next Gen frame to reinforce it.

I’ve often wondered why drivers aren’t positioned in the center of the car when I see an incident like that one. It’s probably been studied and found to be less safe for all I know. 🏁

CNN

Federal prosecutors have obtained an audio recording of a summer 2021 meeting in which former President Donald Trump acknowledges he held onto a classified Pentagon document about a potential attack on Iran, multiple sources told CNN, undercutting his argument that he declassified everything.

Oh, look, the Orange Menace is running his mouth again.

I’ve said it many times but I don’t care if he does time as long as he’s disqualified from running for any public office.

Jail time would be a nice bonus. 🚨

Heather Cox Richardson

Beginning in 1943, the War Department published a series of pamphlets for U.S. Army personnel in the European theater of World War II. Titled Army Talks, the series was designed “to help [the personnel] become better-informed men and women and therefore better soldiers.”

It really does feel like we are going more and more down the fascism rabbit hole here in The States. I wish the divide, growing larger and larger with each passing day, could be mended so we could move forward as a united nation.

[moon-cycling]

brothers

I feel so incredibly heavy - or rather that there is a huge heavy energy around me. I fought back tears all morning - after letting it release all evening. Hearing the sweet voice of someone I love this afternoon softened me enough to cry some more. I went to yoga, had a green juice, layed down for a few minutes. Feeling lighter just writing these words.

I feel the wholeness of life and choices and love so deeply in this moment. My dad is losing his brother to a sickness that my dad has himself. A parallel reality looking us in the eyes, seeing what could have happened to my dad. To our life together. And for my dad, to be losing his brother in a slow, painful, seemingly void of purpose way. 

It makes me feel like how did they both end up like this - and how can I not do the same? I believe they both just drank heavily from an early age. The teenage curiosity and fun of exploring altered states of consciousness, over the course of decades - turning into dependence on one liquid alone. Vodka for my dad, rum for my uncle - captain morgan specifically. Which I also used to love in high school, now I love vodka. 

When comparing myself to the men who came before me in my family, and one woman in particular (my mom), I do feel a departure from the patterns that left my family in less than ideal emotional circumstances. My only serious relationships before now were with drug dealers and users, although towards the end of my last relationships, things were quite mellow and my ex really had turned his life around in terms of selling drugs. Nonetheless, my early adulthood was filled with tripping, pills, so much cannabis, drinking a lot at different points, and experimenting with any drug I came across. 

Now I smoke weed every day, and occasionally drink too much to the point of having a hangover. I will eat shrooms once every few months or more, and my chosen upper is green tea. I also smoke a fair amount of tobacco in spliffs at night or on the weekends. I think what I am feeling now is the fear that my use of any of those substances will worsen, and I will lose my life to a drug like my uncle has. Lately I have been really re-evaluating my relationship to weed, and trying to consume it more consciously as opposed to impulsively, and it's made me feel a lot healthier and in control. I cannot really imagine myself getting to a point in life that I am so dependent on alcohol that it truly affects my wellbeing, although you could say that all alcohol is poison so maybe it is better to just avoid. 

And maybe that is the really deep internal struggle. That my puritan christian & puritan dad soul roots are taking the position that all substances are negative and should be avoided. But I am honestly just realistic with myself that this is where I am at and I don’t need to shame myself, just try to have a healthier relationship to these things every day. But honestly, if I was going to get some kind of addiction gene, thank god I became so into weed and not something else… I say that’s a generational win.

What makes me the most emotional is my dad’s zen attitude about it all. He has the love of a true parent, and he inspires me so much to be a happy, conscious person.

[absolutelyfizzing]

I like you because (peter parker x reader)

Peter parker x reader

description - You have a panic attack at school and peter helps you through it. Then he lets you know all of the reasons he loves you 

word count -  about 2000

warnings - anxiety! panic attack tw! negative self talk, don't read if that is triggering for you. Also tooth-rotting fluff that makes me wanna cry. also self harm warning!! hand scratching!

A/N - I just wanted to say that anxiety manifests itself in different ways in different people. This is based off of a personal experience i had with a panic attack at school and how one of my friends helped me though it. I know this may not be how everyone experiences anxiety and everyone's version of this experience is completely valid. by no means am i trying to offend or cause any harm.

MASTERLIST

Your feet hit the pavement quickly as you rushed to school. You could feel people looking at you but you tried to get to your locker as soon as humanly possible. Your heart rate was picking up and you knew you were acting strange to the people around you. You looked exhausted. Your eyes had bags under them and your clothes were a mess. You couldn't walk straight because of the lack of sleep. When you finally made it to your locker you were so out of it that it took multiple tries to get the code right. Finally getting it open, you sighed, trying desperately to hide behind the locker door and to calm your breathing. 

You didn't know why but the last 2 days had been hell. It had been the weekend so it was okay but you hadn't slept right or had the motivation to do anything. Your anxiety was worse and it seemed that everything was too bright and too loud. There was just too much going on. You just wanted to sit in your room and stare at the wall for the rest of the day but you had to come to school, both for your academic performance and to see your boyfriend, Peter. He would get worried if you didn't show up and you didn't want him to have to cancel something later in the day to check on you. Now that you were here and you could feel people looking at you, you wondered if him seeing you would make him any less worried. You felt him come up behind you and when you turned to look at him there was a grin on his face. It quickly turned into worry as he looked at you. You felt the guilt creeping in. 

"Hey Y/N, you doing okay?" he questioned lightly. You subtly braced yourself and smiled widely, purposefully making it reach your eyes. 

"Yeah I'm fine! Just in a little bit of a mood is all." You smiled, grinning so wide your cheeks hurt. You had to convince him not to worry. You couldn't have him distracted during the day because he was thinking about something so silly as you being extra anxious. You hoped the thumping of your heart and the nervous ticks you felt in your fingers would dissipate during the day. Peter looked at you a little funnily but didn't question you. You knew he could probably tell your heart rate was pounding extra fast but neither of you said anything as you closed your locker and you both began walking to your first class, which you had together. 

The day went on but the anxiety did not leave. You could feel yourself growing irritable and the lights burned your eyes. Your leg was bouncing nervously and one hand scratched at the other. You only scratched your hand like that when you really were anxious, normally right before a panic attack. You did everything in your power not to do it normally because it left your hand hurt and sometimes bleeding. Peter knew this tic of yours and so you kept your hand covered by your sleeve whenever you could and you avoided being right next to him in any classes you had together. He noticed your change in behavior but again didn't say anything as the day went on, not wanting to upset you further and figuring you would come to him when you were ready. 

By the time lunch came around, you were exhausted. You had been worrying about everything and nothing for hours and your hand was scratched raw. You could feel Peter looking at you and you could also feel the panic rise in your throat at the large amount of people in the cafeteria. You were suddenly hyper aware of the people around you and their breathing and chewing. The lights felt sterile and the feeling of exposure sent a chill up your spine. You needed to get out. You set your stuff on the cafeteria table next to peter and mumbled something quickly about needing to use the restroom. You headed for the locker room. At this time of day you knew nobody would be in there. You went between the isles to find a small corner. Once you had backed yourself in you slid to the ground, the tears starting as you breathing became harder to control. You were scratching your hand and tapping your foot, trying desperately to get rid of the excess energy you could feel in your body. Your thoughts were so consumed in how stupid you were being, how selfish, that you didn't notice the sound of the door opening and closing. 

You were mumbling something about going crazy and how you were being ridiculously self centered when you heard someone slide down the wall a couple feet in front of you. You knew it was probably Peter or MJ coming to check on you. You forced a sob to stay in your throat and you immediately tried everything in your power to calm down. You couldn't but you felt the person move closer. 

"Can I help?" You heard Peter ask, still not looking up at him. You shook your head silently. You wanted to scream and cry but you were finding it harder and harder to breathe. "Can I stay here?" he asked again. You thought for a moment, your heart pounding loudly at the lack of air it was getting. You nodded. 

You mumbled “I’m sorry” over and over, hoping he understood that you didn't mean for him to get wrapped up in this. That he shouldn't have to deal with you. The tears were coming harder and suddenly it was like you couldn't get air into your lungs at all. You started gasping but it didn't work. Nothing was working, you couldn't breathe. You weren't able to talk but you felt a hand on yours. You shook in shame at the thought of him seeing you like this. 

Suddenly his body was wrapped around yours. He was hugging you to his chest, you still curled up into a ball. He began breathing deeply and you unconsciously started to match his pace. It took at least 10 minutes but eventually your breathing matched his, slow and controlled. You were still crying though. 

"I’m sorry. I’m sorry." It seemed like it was all you could say. You refused to make eye contact with him even when he pulled back to look at you. Your hand was scratching away at the other desperately trying to get out of your skin when you felt him grab your hands. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Please look at me." He whispered. You took a deep breath before looking at him. Your watery eyes met his and you could see he was holding back tears. 

"Can you tell me what’s going on?" he asked quietly. You nodded but waited before speaking. You were trying to gather your thoughts and he made no move to rush you, holding your hands and looking at you lovingly. 

"I don't know whats wrong" you got out first. You took another deep breath. "A couple days ago I started to feel shitty again like I sometimes do but I didn't want to worry you so I just didn't mention it. Then I got to school today and -" you paused and took a deep breath, shutting your eyes as tightly closed as you could. "everything is so loud here. I felt like everyone was looking at me and I was worried I would snap at someone if they talked to me and I just don't want to be here or be me and I hate that I'm like this and I'm sorry you have to deal with it." You rushed out quickly. Another sob wracked your body. "I hate me" you whispered under your breath, without the intention of him hearing but he heard it because he was 1) very close to you, and 2) had enhanced senses. You slowly looked at him and he had a sad look on his face. There were tears in his eyes and the guilt wracked over you. "I’m sorry" you whispered.

"I love you." he whispered back. You were taken aback a bit. You had been together for 2 years, your junior and now your senior, and you hadn't really said that to each other like that. Not in this serious of a context. You sniffed. "I love you on any day, even when you don't love yourself. I know you are the greatest person on the planet and I believe it enough for the both of us. At least until you feel like you can work on getting to being okay with yourself."

You felt another sob wrack your body and you leaned into his chest. "And you never have to be sorry for feeling this way. It's not your fault. I am here voluntarily because I care about you. No amount of tears or snot or anxiety will change how much I care about you." he then took a deep breath and kissed your hair. You slowly stopped shaking in his arms and he kept holding you. 

"I don't know why you like me." you whispered out. The tears were no longer pouring out of you and you had fully caught your breath. You weren't fishing for compliments either, you were just expressing your genuine surprise that he wanted you around. 

"I like you because you are kind. You always ask if everyone is okay, even MJ when she is being snappy with you. I like you because you think of others first in every situation, even if it is frustrating for the people who love you. I like you because you always know what to say to people when they are feeling sad and I’m sorry I'm not as good at it as you. I like you because you always say bless you when anyone sneezes and you put the grocery cart away at the store every time. You always tell people they can talk to you if they need anything, even if you don't know then very well. You always crack your window for me so I can come in if I need you after patrols. You are the kindest person I have ever met. I like you because I will love you until the end of me. And everyone around you loves you too." By the time he was done you were holding back tears again. You looked at him and he smiled at you before saying, "Of course they don't love you as much as I do, I think thats impossible." while he smirked, trying to get you to crack a smile. It worked. You took a deep breath before straddling his legs and wrapping yourself around him in the biggest hug you could give. 

"I love you too" you said into his neck where your head was buried. He rubbed your back as you breathed him in. 

"Are you ready to go back out there or do you want to stay in here?" he asked genuinely and you knew he would be content with either choice. 

"We can go back out there but I think I’m going to head home." You muttered out, knowing you were going to crash soon if you stayed here. 

"Can I come with you?" he questioned. You looked at him and sighed. 

"Pete, I don’t want you to miss out on the rest of the day because you're with me." you said but you smiled at him. 

"Can I please? I wanna take care of my girl." He whispered the last part and you knew your resolve wouldn't last. 

"Yes of course you can come with me." you muttered, secretly glad he was coming with you. You didnt really want to be all alone as your parents were off at work. 

You didn't regret your decision. You headed outside while he grabbed your stuff from the cafeteria so you didn't have to let your peers see you with tear stains. He carried your bag all the way home and had his arm around your shoulders as he walked. When you got back you laid down on the couch and he tucked you in before going to the kitchen to make you some hot cocoa. By the time he came back into the room with cocoa in hand, you were fast asleep. Peter couldn't believe how much he cared about you as you laid there and he decided in that moment that he would spend the rest of his life proving your worth to you every single day.

#peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #x reader #avengers #avengers x reader #peter x reader #peter imagine #avengers imagines #fluff #peter parker fluff #self harm tw #panic attack tw #anxiety tw #anxiety #spider-man #spider-man imagine #spider-man x reader #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland fluff

[creepling]

anything could happen (irl!quackity x reader)

pairing: irl!quackity x genderneutral!reader

word count: 2,805

summary: the reader is roomates with karl jacobs, and he is beginning to be concerned about the reader. when karl invites the reader to hang out with him and his friends, the reader is hesitant. however, they end up having a very deep conversation with alex.

tw: swearing, use of alcohol (mild), some angst, ends with fluff!!

alternative link: ao3.

I sneaked into the apartment as best as I could. I knew if I made one faint sound, the living room light would switch on and a very judgemental Karl would be sitting on his fancy couch (that he spent way too much money on) shaking his head and tutting at me like a disapproving mother.

And behold, that's exactly what came next when I dropped my boots too hard onto the ground when slipping them off. Only the lamp next to the couch flicked on. Karl paying mind to the electricity bill, I suppose.

"Have a nice night? Or should I say, very early morning?" God, he sounded angry. It took a ton of pressure to make Karl angry, making him impatient was like putting pressure on hard metal. And yet, my lifestyle really rubbed Karl the wrong way.

"Damn, you really stayed up late for me?" I tried to joke off, plopping myself onto Karl's fancy couch. His tongue rolled along the inside of his cheek, his arms crossed, he couldn't even look me in the eye. Instead he just muttered, "No, I just finished streaming."

After a very awkward pause, Karl finally spoke.

"Why do you do it?"

"Do what?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"I used to think maybe you were seeing someone, y'know like just the one person. Then I caught on it's more than just one person. You go out a drive with a different person every weekend, whether that be to hook up with them or just hang out."

"And what's up with that?" I asked, a little irritated. "Geez, Karl, I know we're different when it comes to relationships. But everyone is different— why can't you respect that about me?"

"It's not—" Karl said, a little to loudly, getting annoyed. He must've felt like I wasn't listening to him. He eventually lowered his voice and continued. "It's not the acts themselves that bother me. It's that you do these things, and you're never satisfied. You still hang out with people that you don't even like— you always come back and tell me how toxic they are. And then you hook up with people and say how it wasn't enjoyable. I just want you to be happy, and seeing you do things that make you feel unsatisfied worries me."

Karl could not have explained it better, his words perfectly summed up my feelings in the past few years. Ever since I had to get back up on my feet after hard times, being able to live as a roommate with Karl; have a roof over my head. Sometimes I just put myself in uncomfortable situations because I feel like I am not good enough.

"I understand, Karl. I honestly do. But— it's all I have. I have no one else to depend on." My eyes, like Karl's moments before, could not bare to look at him.

"You have me, (Y/N). You can hang out with me and my friends." At this moment, Karl had a tint of a smile on his face and he placed his hand on my drooped shoulder.

I could not contain the scoff that left my lips. "Me and your friends are so different from each other. I barely know anything about video games or Minecraft or streaming. I've talked to your friends before and I never know what to say to them."

"There's more to us than just our jobs, (Y/N)" Karl said, a small chuckle leaving his lips. "And what the hell are you talking about! My friends think you're so cool and always ask about you! I mean, I remember you and Alex—"

"I barely know Alex! We literally shared one laugh together because I knew the meme he referenced." I said, a smile plastered on my dumb face. Maybe I was smiling because deep down, I was beginning to remember how fun Karl's friends were. To be honest, I always felt a little jealous when I would hear Karl and his friends belly laugh on a stream. These dumb-asses were literally being paid to hang out with each other. Meanwhile, I busted my ass for a minimum wage and hung out with people that never see me as a priority. Maybe one day Karl's rich Youtube friend would give me money to do some stupid challenge.

"I'm not gonna lie, out of all my friends, Alex is the one who asks about you the most. At first he would do it to tease me— making sex jokes about you and us. But when he eventually met you, he asked genuine questions about you. Like the other day, he asked me out of the blew about if you went to college or worked a job."

I definitely did not admit it to Karl, but I actually found that flattering. Yeah, maybe I thought Alex was a little too loud on Karl's streams and I would have to cover my head with a pillow to try sleep at night. However, when I met him for that short moment when Karl's friends came to the house, he was genuinely a very funny guy. I remembered we were the same age, he was Mexican and studying law. If he remembered anything about me, I have no idea.

When I couldn't hide my smile of flattery, Karl looked at me and smiled back. He got up from the couch, about to turn off the light, but stopped himself and turned back. "Hey, instead of going out with your shitty friends next weekend, you should stay here. I'm inviting some of my friends to hang out. I think it would be cool if you joined us." Karl said without hesitation, leaving his words as an open thought.

"I'll think about it." Was all I could say, which was enough to make Karl smile, then wish me a goodnight. When I got into my room and crashed onto the bed, I left the invitation in my mind to think about until the next week.

It was finally the weekend again, after a long weekday of working I sat at my desk after putting on some casual clothes. Sometimes, I just liked to get ready in case last minute plans popped up. I still had the idea of hanging out with Karl and his friends in my mind. Yet, I began to feel nervous. I do not know why, but being surrounded by new faces always made me tense. I count myself as a pretty confident person, but there was something about Karl's friends that intimidated me. Maybe it was their crude humour or 'fame' status that made me feel iffy. Either way, I sat there, looking at my wall blankly, hearing the faint noises of Karl arranging the living room for his friends arriving. As a fumbled with by sleeves and chilled out to music, my bedroom door flew open and a really happy Karl stood there.

"So? Are you joining us tonight?" He asked, anticipating a positive response.

"I don't know, Karl." I lightly groaned, the nerves still having a hold on me.

"C'mon, (Y/N). It's nothing too big. Some of the guys are having beers, which I know you enjoy." Karl winked playfully.

I barked out a laugh when I heard his words. "You always say I have an alcohol problem!"

"Exactly! Let your alcoholism be the reason you hang out with us!" Karl was trying to drag me out the room at this point.

"Piss off!" I laughed, feebly slapping Karl.

"Please . . . They really want to meet you again!" Karl dragged me into the living room. Then, a sharp knock came from the door. "Too late! They're already here!"

Admittedly, it was awkward at first. The group immediately wanted to play video games, which I guessed was going to happen. I respectively sat on the couch and watched them play as if I was just watching a movie. I smiled throughout, watching them bicker and yell at each other through competitive spirit. The energy was chaotic, but enjoyable. It was a different environment I was use to, it was more relaxed, but still had the fun aspects I chase for. For the first time in a while, I felt like I could act like myself; the chill version of me. I was not afraid of being judged or talked down to. The nerves that consumed me hours before slipped away effortlessly.

The few bottles of beer I had throughout the night had gotten to my head eventually, my heavy eyes were opening and closing as I snuggled up to the edge of the couch. I checked my phone now and then, scrolling through social media. By this point, some of the group had fallen asleep from drunkenness, or went home. The string of people left were beginning to wind down; Karl offered spare pillows and blankets for the ones who wanted to crash. From the silence I assumed everyone, even Karl himself, were drifting off to sleep. Until I heard a voice acknowledge me.

"Not going to sleep?"

It was Alex. I realized once I looked up, seeing he was exiting the kitchen with another drink, with one beer in his other hand that he was beckoning to me. I took it, mumbling a thanks, my eyes trailing towards him as he took a seat next to me.

"I'm used to staying up late at the weekends, so my body clock is all over the place." I confessed, smirking down at my beer bottle before taking a light sip.

"At least you aren't a light-weight like most of these idiots." Alex joked, looking around the room at his friends. "I suspected we would play more games, but I think people couldn't hack anymore. It's a shame though, I felt like we didn't include you too much."

It was considerate for Alex to say that, but I chuckled dismissively. "I didn't feel left out, don't worry. I enjoyed the company. I needed a chill night like this one."

Alex smiled at that, and immediately looked down when he did, but it was still contagious enough to make me smile. For a short moment I took in his appearance. He hadn't changed much from the last time I saw him. Still wore a beanie that took up 90% of his head, no matter the weather.

"I don't know if Karl mentioned but—" Alex began, suddenly becoming bashful. "I bought the beers for you, as a kind of present. I remembered you drinking them the last time we were over."

"Oh my God— Karl didn't say to me . . ." I said. "That's so thoughtful of you, thank you so much."

He really did that? Considering we were just acquaintances, I did not expect that. I had drank them throughout the next, since they were my favourite. He remembered something so miniscule about me. I then added, "You didn't have to do that."

Alex was biting the bottom half of his lip before he said, "I mean— I wanted to get you a little something. We all did— really. We always feel bad coming over here and never having the time to get to know you. This is your house just as much it is Karl's."

I scoffed after taking a swig of my drink. "It's more Karl's house than mine. He's the one that lives in it. I'm always working or out hanging out with people. The only time I'm ever here is when I'm sleeping or eating. In fact, this is the first night in I have had in months."

"What do you do then if you're barely in the house?" Alex asked.

I became a little tense. Remembering Karl's chat last week made me realise how useless my life was. Karl was right, the things I do and the people I hang out with do not benefit me in a positive way. My 'friends' haven't even texted me today to ask why I'm not hanging out with them. I truly never had anyone that cared for me. I sure haven't had anyone do something as small as buying me my favourite beers. I shook my head and muttered, "Nothing interesting . . ."

My face must have exposed my sadness, as Alex had a look of concern on his face. To ease the tension, I looked over to him and twitched a smile. However, I don't think it convinced him. God, I hate worrying people.

"I know we barely know each other yet. But— If there's something on your mind, you can always talk to me about it."

Normally I dread hearing words like that, but looking at Alex and how calm he seemed to be around me convinced me I could trust him in that moment. Before I realized, I was spilling my train of thought all over the atmosphere. I told Alex about my 'friends'; how I feel like they never give a shit about me. I confessed that I am unhappy with my life, that I feel like I am wasting my time and potential. I admitted my distain for making Karl worried about my wellbeing every time I came back to the apartment. Lastly, I affirmed that tonight was the first time I felt happy among another's company in a very long time. How I felt content, knowing no one would judge me or think I was taking up space. I thanked him again and again, knowing that his act of service was little to him, but absolutely gigantic to me.

"What you and your friends did tonight, no one has ever done to me in a long time. It was so miniscule, I know, but it's more than I have ever experienced. For once, the kindness felt genuine. Is it wrong to think like that?" My eyes looked at Alex, desperate for reassurance.

"Absolutely not, (Y/N)." Alex shook his head. "From what you have told me, you have every right to feel the way you're feeling. Not gonna lie— your friends sound like dicks."

"They are dicks!" I laughed out, wiping the loose tears from my eyes. "And I am sick of being associated with them! From here on out, they are not my friends anymore." I turned my whole body to face Alex at this point, my sudden movement alerting his attention. "If you don't mind, can I count you, Karl— everyone else— as my new friends?"

The smile that emerged from Alex's face warmed my chest. "You don't need to ask, (Y/N)" He said, "We already counted you as our friend."

The happiness that swelled in my chest consumed me in that moment, and it stimulated me to enrobe Alex into a hug. His body was tense from my sudden touch, yet he relaxed easily into my body and his arms moulded into my touch. The fragrance clinging to his sweater engulfed my nose, making me nuzzle deeper into his shoulder. Alex chuckled and the vibrations tickled me, making me scoff out a laugh.

We met each other's gaze as we pulled away from the embrace; analysing the tint of blush on his cheeks, tracing to the bridge of his nose. He ruffled the hair on top of my head, making me laugh and nudge him playfully. Our instant smiles welcoming the space between us.

"So . . . got anymore tired yet?" Alex asked, raising a brow.

I shook my head and slowly looked around the room. Clocking the console lying on the coffee table, I grabbed it and my fingers began to awkwardly fumble with the joystick.

"First step of becoming friends, should be you teaching me how to be a pro-gamer." I joked, giving him a playful smirk.

He rolled his eyes, cringing as he grabbed the other remote. "It's not for the faint hearted," He joked along, "I think you'll get the hang of it, though."

For the rest of the night, into the early morning, we played games. We laughed our asses off, had mini arguments; stirring some of the others out of their slumber when Alex couldn't contain the volume of his voice.

Anything could happen, I realized. If I seek positivity, I will eventually find it. Thankfully, I was able to admit — I discovered it already.

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[forever-rogue]

The Sweetest Sins (A Good Man)

A/N: Soo, a few people have suggested something like this, getting a look into Javi and Dulzura’s life after AGM. And I love these fools so much, I couldn’t say no. This is just some soft fluff, but I hope you’ll all enjoy! Can be read as a standalone or as part of the series. Thank you to mi vida, @bestintheparsec​, for helping me brainstorm! As always, comments and feedback are welcome, and if you’d like to be tagged let me know! xx

Pairing: Professor! Javi x Reader

Word Count: 5.8k

Warnings: fluff of the holiday kind!

A GOOD MAN ‘VERSE MASTERLIST

MASTERLIST

JAVIER MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Javi?” you were halfway in the door when you heard a few gentle yips from coming from your feet. A grin stretched across your features as you shuffled the bags filled with groceries to one arm so you could lean down and give Stevie a pet. He wagged his tail excitedly as he ran around in a small circle, “hi buddy! Of course I missed you too. It’s been a whole day since our last cuddle!”

He barked quietly before darting into the kitchen as you kicked off your shoes and followed behind, wondering if Javier was in the kitchen. As soon as you made your way down the hall, you could hear him softly singing to the record player, telling you that indeed, your lover was working hard on something. As soon as he heard the soft padding of your feet, Javier looked up from the bowl he was mixing something in and offered you a gentle smile, his singular dimple on glorious display. 

“Dulzura,” your nickname feel softly off his lips, reverent, as he stopped what he was doing and came over to help you with your full arms, “you’re just on time.”

“Hi Javi,” you whispered as he pressed his lips to yours, sighing contently as you tried to peek at what he was doing, “what are you doing? What am I just in time for?”

“Cookies,” he grinned as you started to unpack all the groceries for the long weekend that you would be spending with him. You raised an eyebrow at him as you tried to deduce exactly what kind he was making, before pulling out a bottle of wine and setting it down. As you walked to get glasses out of the cabinet, he gave your backside a small pat causing you to giggle at him.

“Feeling cheeky, are we Professor Peña?” you turned and kissed his cheek before uncorking the wine and pouring a glass for each of you, “what kind of cookies are you making?”

“Gingerbread,” he nodded his head towards the various spices on the counter as you took a sat at the bar and watched him close, “my abuela’s recipe. Tis the season!”

“How very appropriate,” you beamed at him, reaching over and playing a stray curl that had worked its way onto his forehead, “you’ve never made her gingerbread before. Any special occasion?”

“Not really,” he shrugged innocently but you could tell there was something underlying his words, “just felt like it would be a good time to make some.”

“I won’t argue with a man that makes me dessert or dinner,” you grinned as you sipped on your wine, but not before pulling Stevie into your lap. You scratched his ears before turning back to Javi, “now what aren’t you telling me?”

“I don’t know what you mean, Dulzura,” he looked at you with his soft brown eyes wide and innocent. You might have fallen in love with them, but you could read them just as easily. There was a little smirk on his face as he carried on, letting a comfortable silence fall over you for a few moments, “I talked to my Papá today. He asked if we wanted to spend Christmas in Laredo this year. The whole family will be there and I know it would make him happy to have us there. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to, of course.”

“I’d love to, Javier,” you eagerly agreed, more than thrilled at the idea of seeing Chucho and the rest of Javi’s family again. They had always welcomed you from the start, treating like you family and never questioning or putting on shame on your relationship or how it started, “nothing would make me happier.”

“Great,” he grinned at you, a light tinge of pink rising in his cheeks. Sometimes it still surprised you at how shy and tender he could be, despite his past as the big bad DEA Agent, “I know they’ll be happy.”

“What about you, Javier?” you asked as you reached for his hand, gently taking it in yours and bringing it to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles, “are you happy?”

Javier offered you a soft smile, before pulling the rag off of his shoulder and tossing it off the counter. He slowly stepped around the counter and came over to your side taking your face in his hands before gently pressing a kiss to your forehead and then your cheeks, stopping only when he got your lips, “I am. Very, very happy. Why do you ask?”

“You spent so much of your life helping and protecting others, helping everyone else. I want you to let me take care care of you too. Happiness, yours and mine - that’s all that matters,” you beamed at him, “as long as you’re happy, then I’m happy too.”

“Have I told ever told you how much I love you? But there is something else...” you couldn’t help but sigh contently as you pressed another gentle kiss to his lips. He pulled back slowly and leaned against the counter, attempting to act casual as you tilted your head and gave him a curious look. He seemed nervous suddenly, and for some reason a small knot formed in your stomach. You knew it wouldn’t be anything horrible, but still...what if...what if it was? What if he was breaking up with you? But then again.... “no, no, no it’s nothing bad.”

“I wasn’t worried!” you lied as your voice climbed an octave and you quickly took a long drink from your glass of wine, “no, I wasn’t...”

“That look was all over your face,” he insisted with a small laugh as you threw back your head and sighed dramatically at the ceiling as he made a small sound of aha, “I know that look!”

“I wasn’t panicking...” you tried again, giving him a sheepish little look.

“Dulzura,” he put a hand on your cheek as he gently pushed your hair out of your face, “I know that face, and don’t even argue with me. You know I’m right...”

“Fine,” you agreed, “pray tell then, what’s on your mind? You’re not breaking up with me are you?”

“Am I what?” he pulled back and gave you a curious expression. Yup, apparently you’d gotten it very, very wrong, “no? Of course I’m not breaking up with you. That never even crossed my mind. Did you really think I would do that?”

“No,” you admitted honestly, “I just...don’t ever get nervous when someone says they have something to ask you?”

“I’m too old for that shit,” he said with a soft laugh before shuffling back around the counter going back to finish working on his dough, quickly grabbing out the little gingerbread man cookie cutter. He really was going all out for this, “I...I’ve been thinking.” 

“Oh, cherish the thought? Javier Peña - thinking? I’ll mark this day down on my calendar,” you snorted with laughter but for once Javier didn’t reciprocate the gesture. You stopped suddenly and pushed away the wine, leaning onto the counter and offering him your full attention, “Javi? What’s up? You can tell me anything.”

“When’s the lease on your place up?” he asked suddenly as you pulled back suddenly, wondering why he was asking. It took a moment to figure out where it was going, but when you slowly put two and two together, a little smile crossed your features. But you didn’t want to get too ahead of yourself so you decided to go along with him. 

“No particular time,” you admitted as you drummed your fingers along the stem of the wine glass, “it’s month to month. I can terminate it whenever.”

“It’s just...you’re practically living here anyway,” he concentrated on rolling out the dough to the perfect thickness, “and it doesn’t make a lot of sense to have you paying for your apartment when you’re barely ever there and you have much so stuff here...i-i-it’s just a thought of course.”

The grin that stretched across your features threatened to break your face in half. You’d wondered about this, dreamed of it, if you were being honest, the moment the two of you would go from living in separate places to sharing one home. You’d been together for a few years now, and it was the logical next step in your relationship. It know it had been on his mind too was heart warming, and reassured you that this was every bit as serious as you thought it was. 

“Yes,” you slid of the stool and flounced over to him, pulling his attention away from the cookies and onto you. You put your hands in his face, tracing over his features bit by bit, committing it all to memory. You loved those eyes, the softest brown you had seen, so full of life and expression. The little crinkles around his eyes that seemed to be all consuming when he laughed. The mustache that you had once dubbed silly, but you adored so much, especially when it tickled your soft skin. The dimple that came out when he smiled and laughed, the warm golden skin that told stories from many different lives. 

You were so in love with him.

“Yeah?” he asked quietly as you nodded. He seemed to visually relax when he realized that you weren’t immediately repulsed or loathe to the idea. His strong hands found your waist as he pulled you close ad kissed you. It was such a small thing, so gentle and intimate, and you buried your face into his chest, “it’s just...yeah. I can’t wait for you to be here all the time. It’ll be a real home.”

“Home is wherever you are, Javier,” you promised, “if that’s here or someplace else in the future, You’re home.”

“I love you,” he pressed a kiss to the side of your head as you attempted to say something, but were quickly cut off by Stevie barking at the two of you and wagging his tail, “and you too, Stevie.”

“How are you going to get used to putting up with me all the time?” you teased as you nudged him to the side to start cutting out some of the cookies to bake, “although getting to wake up next to you every morning is something I very much welcome.”

“That sounds pretty good to me,” he stood behind you, caging you in his arms as he moved the cookies you cut out onto the baking sheet. You turned your head and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “we make a great team.”

“I agree,” he hummed in content as he went to turn on the oven, “want to decorate for Christmas this weekend?”

“Ooh, can we go pick a tree and everything?” you turned around with nothing but excitement on your face. Christmas was your favorite time of year and you loved doing anything that was associated with it, and now that you had your lover to spend it with it was even more magical. It was like things has slowly come together to finally bring you all of this happiness. Sometimes it didn’t even feel real, but when you laid in bed at night in his arms, or with him in your arms, you realized it was all very real. He grounded you like no other.

“Of course,” he agreed as he took the tray from your hands and put it in the oven, “we’ll go all out this year.”

“Bigger than last year?”

“Even bigger,” he promised, “but there’s one more thing...”

“Well, I already found out that you’re not breaking up with me, quite the opposite in fact,” you crossed your arms over your chest and gave him a playful expression, “what else could you possibly have up your sleeve?”

“When we go to Papá’s house, just know...they’re probably going ask about marriage. Our marriage, more specifically.”

“Our marriage?” you repeated as your raised your eyebrows and he let out a low groan, “Javier, we’re not married, they’re aware of that, right?”

“Oh yes, they know that,” he admitted, “but they’ve been asking when I’m going to ask you. Papá’s been particularly interested.”

“I’d expect nothing less from Chucho,” you laughed, putting him at ease, “don’t worry. I’ll come up with some sort of good comebacks.”

“Good,” he let out a long breath, “good. It’ll happen soon anyways.”

He carried on without skipping a beat as you watched him with an incredulous smile on your face. He hummed as he walked over to the fridge and pulled out a few things from the fridge to start preparing for dinner.

"Javier?" you think he items out of his hand as you hastily set them on the counter, "w-what did you say?"

"A lot of things?" he shrugged, confusion marring his features, "want to get a little more specific?"

"Marriage. W-what about it?" you asked softly, "you said it would happen..."

"Of course," he grinned softly before moving past you to keep working on dinner, "I'm going to propose, don't you worry about that."

"Hmmm," you didn't even bother to try and hide the grin on your face, "kind of takes away the element of surprise, doesn't it?"

"That's where you're wrong," he insisted with a show off flourish of his knife, "it will still be a complete surprise. You don't know when I'm going to do it or where or how...so many things that will still be a big surprise."

"I suppose you're right," you agreed quietly moving to help him, "I look forward to your surprise then. One day, whenever it will be. I just have one request."

"Name it," he said softly, "whatever you want."

"I don't want a holiday proposal," you said with a soft shrug, "I think they're so overrated and cheesy. I want something...normal."

"Holiday proposals are normal," he said with a small snort, "and common. What's wrong with them?"

"I dunno," you said noncommittally, "I just want it to be special and not...forced or anything."

"So it's not the holiday thing, its the lack of sincerity?"

"Exactly," you agreed, "I know whatever you do will be perfect. I love you, Javier."

"I love you too, Dulzura," he kissed your temple as he grabbed a pot and set it on the stove. Your little request might have thrown a momentary wrench in his plan, but he was going to make it work regardless. He enjoyed a challenge just as much as he loved you and this would be the greatest yet.

»»————-　♡　————-««

"Mija! What are you doing in here?" Chucho sighed dramatically as he caught you in the kitchen attempting to round up some more food for the party that was going on. You shrugged simply and offered him a sheepish grin, "you are a guest go back out there and have fun. Let me get this!"

"Papá,” you grabbed the tray you had refilled and pushed past him to head back out, "I've got this. You're putting up with me and Javi, trust me, we should be doing this for you!"

"Ahhh, you're calling me that now," Chucho's dark eyes glittering with excitement as he abandoned what he was doing and followed after you. He took the tray out of your hands before you could protest and leaned in so only you could hear, "did my foolish son finally ask you to marry him? I've been telling him for at least the last year!"

A small laugh bubbled up in your throat as you looked across the room and caught Javi's eye. He froze for a moment before lifting his beer in the air and offering you a small smile before turning back to his own conversation, "not yet. But he did ask me to move in."

"Dios mio!" he exclaimed excitedly as a few people turned to look. He waved them off before setting the tray down as people already started clambering for more food, "its about time. I don't know what he's waited so long for! He's been crazy about you from the start...I've never seen him like that with anyone before."

"He just wants to get to take things slow," you said softly, the sheer thought of your early days with Javi bringing a smile back to your face. Back when he was just Professor Peña and you were his student...it seemed like a life time ago, "and I don't mind. I'm not going anywhere...and besides, he did promise he'd propose. Who knows when, but its worth the wait. Javier is worth the wait."

"A heart of gold and the patience of a saint," he gave your arm a squeeze as Javi made his way to the two of you, his arm immediately snaking around your waist as he pulled you into his side. A small sound of content escaped your lips as he kissed the crown of your head. Chucho shook his head before turning his attention to his son, “your lovely girlfriend here tells me you finally got the balls to ask her to move in. What took you so long!?”

“Papá,” he groaned as the older man just laughed, “it’s all working on its own time.”

“Time is ticking,” he pointed at his watch as you giggled and Javier just sighed heavily, “you better make an honest woman out of her and then you can give me a grandchild. I’d like one before I’m in the grave, Javier!”

“Okay,” his face slowly turned as red as the plaid of the shirt he was wearing as he put his arm around your shoulder and started to pull you away, “that’s enough of that for now. Papá, you will be the death of me!”

“Make the right decision, Javier. You know she’s the one!” you couldn’t help but laugh as Javier sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. You wrapped your arms around his waist and and pulled him tightly against you.

"Make the right decision, Javi," you teased before kissing him, "make me an honest woman."

"I told you I will in time," he promised, "you'll just have to wait and see."

"Hmm," you hummed into his chest, "until then I will enjoy living in sin with you."

"Oh yes," he snorted, "two teachers that spend their weekends with their dog or married friends doing wild things like baking and camping. Extremely sinful."

"Maybe not," you laughed before pulling him against you, "but I'd say the sex is pretty sinful."

"I can't argue with that," he agreed, "I like our lives. You're happy, right?"

"Yes," you promised, "very happy, Javier."

»»————-　♡　————-««

Javier glanced up, looking up at you from over his glasses as you walked into the bedroom, now dressed in pajamas and ready to wind down from your long day. He offered you a cheeky little smile before closing the book he was reading and setting it on the nightstand.

Christmas with the Peñas was always something else; loud, boisterous, and filled with nothing but laughter and love. You wouldn't have it any other way - but you still couldn't deny the appeal of getting into the warm, soft bed next to your lover.

"Hi," he said softly as he held open his arms for you, gently beckoning for to come to him, "you look beautiful."

"Javier," you chided playfully before flouncing over, moving to straddle his lap, "I'm pretty sure I haven't slept much in days my hair isn't done, no make up and I'm wearing my old ratty pajamas. Hardly beautiful."

"That's where you're wrong," he insisted as you rested your forehead against his, "you are always beautiful. Like this and every other way. I'm a lucky old fool."

"And what about me?" you asked as you reached up and rested your hand on his cheek, "how very lucky I am."

"Dulzura-"

"For once in your life, Javier Peña, please shut up," you shifted your hand and put it over his mouth, grinning like the Cheshire cat when you felt him smile. You could see that little glint in his eyes as you knew exactly what he was going to do. Ever the former agent, he beat you to the punch and licked across your palm as you pulled your hand away, the two of you giggling like children, "Javier!"

"I thought I was supposed to be quiet," he was so smug and proud of himself as he learned against the headboard, his arms crossed over his broad chest. You rolled your eyes dramatically before reaching up and taking off his glasses and setting them on top of his abandoned book.

"You are a dirty cheater," you insisted putting your hands on his chest and studying him, "now shut up for a moment."

"Yes ma'am."

"I love you, Javier," you leaned forehead so your nose was lightly nuzzled against his, your lips ghosting over his, "no matter how many times you think you're the lucky one, I want to know how much you mean to me as well. I love you more than anything, every bit."

"Dulzura..."

"Javier," you raised an eyebrow before carding a hand through his hair, tugging at his dark locks, "I love this head of hair, that mustache that would look silly on any other man, those eyes that tell me everything, the lips that are lush and lovely, that smile that makes my heart melt especially when you get really excited your dimple comes out and your eyes get all crinkly. That's my favorite...and your soft skin, always so warm and golden. You are everything, Javi. Please don't ever doubt that, even for a moment."

He was silent for a few long moments, his eyes locked on yours as he tried to figure out how to possibly respond. He brought a hand to the back of your neck, slowly bringing your closer to him before you took over and closed the gap, pressing your lips to his. It was a soft, gentle thing, neither of you in a rush as you took quiet solace in each other. There was something so intimate about this, when there was no rush and no endgame, just the two of you being.

"Javi," you whispered softly as you moved to lie down on top of him, "can I ask you something?"

"Obviously," he hummed as he pulled the blanket over you, his hand moving to rub gentle shapes on your back, "what's on your mind?"

"Chucho mentioned...about wanting a grandchild and it got me thinking..." you admitted. Children were something that had been mentioned in passing, but never really discussed. A lot of your friends were starting their families, as well as Javier's that either already had a family or were expanding their own. You'd never really given too much thought to it, always thinking that it never happened it happen or vice versa, but now, looking down at Javier's gentle face, you were rethinking your prior thoughts, "we've never really...do you think you'd ever want a kid?"

"I won't lie and say it hasn't crossed my mind," he admitted as he brought a hand on your waist, resting it gently on your warm skin, "honestly, if you would have asked me ten years ago, I would have told you no. Hell, even five years ago."

"What about three years ago?"

"A no, but a little more open minded."

"Two years ago?"

"A maybe."

"A year go?"

"A probably."

"Now?"

"Yes," he answered softly as he smiled at you, his expression gentle in the light glow from the bedside lamp. You gnawed on your bottom lip as you nodded, your touch gentle on his face, "it would be a yes. But only, of course, if the potential mother was fully on board."

"Hmm...what's her name? I can call her up and ask," you playfully suggested, pointing at the phone before you both laughed. You kissed him, slowly - tenderly, before lying down against his chest and wrapping your arms around him, "I think...I think I want too. I've seen you with kids Javier, and you’re great with them, despite what you think. And they love you too, and a lot of time, honestly, I can’t help but imagine what a little one of our one would look like.”

“I...” he wrapped his own arms around you and held you tightly to his body as he let out a long exhale, “love you. I just don’t know...what if...”

“Javier,” his name was firm, resolute, from your lips as you looked at him, “you are a good man. You have always been one, and you’ve done so much to prove that to yourself, me, and everyone else, we all know it’s true. I know things are never easy, but this you have to trust me, okay? What children we have will be so lucky to have you as their father. I will entertain no arguments to the contrary, yes?”

His expression softened, almost like you had chased away any of the lingering fears and worries he had as he nodded slowly, that dimpled smile spreading across his features, “and you will be an amazing mother. We’re a pretty good team. huh?”

“I like to think so,” you agreed, “and that’s thing, Javier, you’re not alone in anything. I’m with you all the way, every time.”

“Yeah,” he whispered against your lips, “I knew that a long time ago. When you stayed, when you heard about all the things i did but you still stayed, and helped.”

“Because I love you, old man!”

“Do you know why I waited so long to ask you to move in?” his voice dropped so you could barely hear it and you tilted you heard, waiting for him to go on, “I was afraid when I finally asked you that would be the final straw, and you’d realize you didn’t want to be with me or...something.”

“After all this time?” you sighed lightly at him before touching his cheek, “you silly man. I wouldn’t have left if you asked a year ago or two, or  four years from now. You’re not getting rid of me! Besides, you always find me the best tea, and honestly I’ve got a little used to that...and I’m pretty sure I was promised an engagement, and I kind of...am not letting that one go either.”

“God, I love you,” he laughed as you kissed him and his large hands slowly found their way under the hem of your sweater. It was a way to ground himself, you’d realized a long time, but a still a sweet. intimate gesture, “do you...why does this feel so silly to get nervous about? If we were going to try for a baby, theoretically of course, have you given thought to when?”

“Yes and no,” you admitted, “part of me says we should just let it happen, and part of me says now, and part of me says never because of becoming a parent is fucking terrifying. What do you think?”

“I just...I feel like I’m getting older-”

“Javier, you’re only forty-four.”

“Facts are facts, Dulzura,” he laughed lightly, but this time it wasn’t bitter or self annoyed, “I don’t know, it’s really...if we do this, you’re the one who will be carrying the baby and giving birth, I really think a large part of is up to you.”

“Oh god, see that’s the part I’m trying not to think about.” you laughed lightly, “but the rest of it I’m totally on board with it. How about...how about we just let it happen? Like we don’t try, but we don’t not try. I think we’re both at a good place in our lives, and you know you have me forever and always.”

“What if we happened before we got married?” he asked as you shrugged lightly, “imagine what the old ladies in the neighborhood would think!”

“Ahh, fuck them,” you both laughed as he nodded, “they already know we’re living in sin. I mean we’ll be living together unmarried, have had plenty of premarital sex, not that I’m complaining at all, I hardly think having a baby would  make things worse. After the new year...I can talk to my doctor and stop taking my birth control and we can go from there. Besides, I don’t care what order we do things in. I know we’re not going anywhere.”

“That’s where you’re right,” he promised as he slowly say up, gently moving you out of his lap as you made a small sound of surprise, “can you close your eyes, Dulzura?”

“Javier,” you obliged him and tightly closed your eyes but just playing along further, you used your hands to cover them as well. Feeling cheeky, you teased, “is this some new form of foreplay?”

You listened to him shuffle around for a moment before he sighed heavily, although you could tell it was not at you. After a few moments of silence, you could feel him in front of you again, his natural warmth radiating onto you. He cleared his throat before almost whispering, “open your eyes.”

“Javier-” but your words were quickly suppressed and caught in your throat as you looked between the gorgeous ring he was holding and the nervous expression on his face. You opened and closed your mouth a few times as tears welled up and you realized exactly what was going on, “Javier.”

“Will you marry me?” he asked gently, looking so nervous as all you could do was nod and offer him the biggest smile you had ever given anyone. He reached for your hand before gently sliding the ring onto your finger, holding onto it delicately before wiping away the tears that had rolled down your cheeks, “I love you so much, Dulzura, more than you will ever know. You have made me so happy, have made life so much better than I thought it could ever be, from the moment I first saw you. I never thought I would ask someone to marry me again, I never thought I deserved this, but have thrown my life upside in the best ways possible. There is no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life.”

You reached up and pulled him to your lips, giving him a gentle, salty kiss, “I love you more than anything else. I cannot wait to be your wife. I would have been content to never be married, as long as spent our lives together, but this is pretty good too. I like this, I like us, and I’m kind of looking forward to being Mrs. Pena.”

“It suits you,” he agreed with a nervous huff of laughter. He couldn’t believe he had actually managed to summon up the courage and do this, “I can’t wait either....I know you said you didn’t want a holiday proposal but this...just...I didn’t want to wait.”

“This was perfect, Javi,” you admitted, “see, I told you, it was all about the sincerity factor, and this was...I know this is just for us, and that’s what made it perfect. I know it came all from your heart. Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“How long have you the ring?”

“A while,” he confessed nervously, “I...ummm, I bought it a few months after we started dating. I just...I just wanted the timing to be perfect.”

“Javier,” you heart melted all over again as you looked at shy little smile. He had known - he had known it was you from the beginning, just like you had, “you’ve been carrying the ring around for almost three years?”

 “See when you say it like that it makes it seem so silly,” he confirmed your question as you practically jumped off the bed and barreled into his lap, wrapping him in your arms. You were safety, security, warmth, light, and love. You were home, “I just needed the perfect moment, and this was perfect.”

“I am so in love with you,” you whispered in his ear as you held. You just held him as he held you, silent but your breathing was in synch as you soaked in this moment. He was rocking you as he rubbed your back, “you know how I said you were a good man?”

“Yes...”

“I was wrong,” you pressed a kissed to his shoulder before working up his neck and jaw, stopping at his lips, “you are the best man.”

“Now you’re just flattering me,” he chased your lips with his own as you played with the curls at the nape of his neck.

“It’s not flattery if it’s true,” you said with an air of finality, “now everyone can leave us alone and stop asking if we’re getting married.”

“You want to tell everyone, here and now, with the entire family here for Christmas?”

“Shit,” you both laughed, “let’s wait a while...at until after Christmas, otherwise we’ll never get out of here alive. Besides...I kind of want to enjoy this and keep it just for ourselves...as long as you’re okay with that.”

“That sounds perfect,” he agreed, “our little secret for now.” 

“I love you, Javier....you are everything.”

“I love you, Dulzura. Thank you for everything, you have made me the happiest man.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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#javier Peña #javier Peña x reader #javier pena #javier pena x reader #a good man #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader

[taecalikook]

Love, Rekindled.

summary : even if you’d rather cut your tongue short than to admit it, love was easy when it was with Jungkook—no matter how short it had been. yet when the guy fortuitously joined your company four months ago, he has been an expert in pulling your strings that you’ve been fighting every will to punch in his annoyingly ravishing face. but can you further deny the old feelings to rekindle when a certain company event and a group of gullible friends are involved?

{enemies2lovers! au, ex!au, professional!au}

pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (side kim taehyung)

genre : major fluff, slight angst, mutual pining and smut!

word count : 32.780 (one-shot)

warning ! fingering, sex with feelings, dirty talk, big dick, jealousy, dom(?), raw (use protection yall) its my first smut story soooooooo bear with me lol enjoy! 

=====================================

Working directly after you graduate in one of the biggest fast moving consumer goods companies in the country might be the dream. While to an extent it might be true, you realize that you have so many things to sacrifice—including your sanity and personal life.

So one dawn you spent all night working on the procurement report you have to submit to the finance team in just five hours, you are so distressed you bawl your eyes out so hard you feel like it is about to fall off. You were too loud to the point that Namjoon, your roommate, was awakened and had to console and accompany you, finishing the report for another hour until you could finally sleep.

And the next morning when you wake up after only three hours of sleep, you have to drive early in the morning to submit the signed reports to the finance team. You are not ecstatic to say the least. Not only that you had the worst night and don’t have the time to conceal your excessive eye bags, you have to submit the physical report to the most notorious, annoying person to ever exist—Jeon Jungkook.

You don’t even understand why destiny had to be that cruel to pair you with Jungkook for a tad bit too many of your tasks. He is annoying, self-centered, impolite, and probably the worst person that you have ever worked with. And it is quickly proven when you are going to submit the report and stride to his desk, finding he is still calmly typing on the laptop. Irritated by how divine he looks at eight in the morning compared with your hideous self, you slam the report right beside his laptop.

“Here it is. And once again thank you for making me change every fucking numbers in that report right the night before.” You hisses, folding your arms in front of your chest. He looks up to you with a grin, his fingers swiftly opening the report.

“I’m sorry, dear but if you wanna complain, you can directly do it to your boss.” He chuckles lightheartedly, and you roll your eyes in disgust. How can he still be this composed is beyond you. “And besides, it’s your team who mistakenly input the data. How is it my fault?”

“I can actually give you an essay for that as an answer, but I don’t want to violate the rules since we are now in working hours.” You harshly respond, tapping your feet impatiently while his eyes are skimming the report.

Another five minutes until Jungkook closes the report with a loud tap and smirk in mirth at your obvious disconcert. “So is that an invitation for a meet-up outside working hours?”

You hiss after hearing such an expected sentence coming out from the jerk. He really is that self-centered, and it shouldn’t have baffled you by now. “I hope you are very well aware that you are annoying and I don’t like you.”

“I am aware of that, beautiful. You have explicitly reminded me in every email chain—better tell me something I don’t know.”

“Nah, I don’t have anything good to say for you.” You scoff and stomp your heels around to leave him behind. The fury is still booming inside your head, so you repetitively let go of your breath, trying to detox your mind of his annoying, but forsakenly handsome face of that jerk out of your mind.

After arriving at your desk, you throw your belongings on the desk and sit on your seat after sighing loudly. It immediately attracts the attention of one of the team peers who sits beside you, Hoseok.

“Wow. Why the long face, Y/N? It’s Friday, lighten up a little.”

“I literally cannot ‘lighten up’ if I keep on working with Jeon Jungkook. Is there any way I can just… not see him or contact him even just for a day? Or even better, forever?!” You hiss while raucously opening your laptop. Hoseok chuckles in amusement.

“Y/N, I don’t know why you are so against the guy. Yes, I know he might be a little cocky—”

“A little?!” You immediately cut Hoseok, but he has been in this conversation too many times before to know that he needs to continue before you begin your patriotic speech of why Jungkook doesn’t deserve anything good in his life.

“—but he is not that bad. People, especially girls like the guy. He is great looking, charming and good with words. One of the best in his team too, even with such short time joining the company I even heard he might be promoted soon. I think you should give him a chance.” Hoseok shrugs.

You huff and stare at Hoseok in heavy betrayal painted in your face. “That’s not going to happen, Hoseok. Yes, I know people might be blind and think so highly of that cocky ass jerk, but you are my friend and should be educated about not seeing one person only by the assumption of other people. Jungkook is not as good as everyone thinks he is.”

“But why? I know you, Y/N. And I know this is not hatred only based on work—there is something else that happened.” Hoseok calmly speaks his mind, but it successfully throws you off guard. Not that you want to admit it, you are well aware that the dislike you got for the guy is not majorly caused by professional work. But you’d rather bite your hand off rather than voluntarily telling it to someone else.

Seeing how silent you have become, Hoseok immediately turns aghast. “Just a shot in the dark... Did you sleep with this guy before?”

The thought immediately puts you to shame and your face turns vermillion. God, how can he say that?! “What are you saying?!” You squeal in alarm, and you do realize you are too shocked to even speak clearly right now. Damn Hoseok and his outstanding deduction skill! “You are talking nonsense now, Hobi. Why-why would—fuck this I’m going to the restroom.”

You can hear Hoseok's distinctive laughter behind you when you stride towards the restroom, and the desire to knock your head to the wall is too much. You are literally fucked.

*

After working hours, you are finally able to escape the office and ask Namjoon to accompany you and eat in your favorite steak restaurant near both your offices. Namjoon looks at you munching on your steak like a starved woman while silently sipping his glass of red wine.

“Well, I never understood how people say they can get full only by seeing someone else eat, but I kinda get it now.”

You glare at him and hiss, stabbing the steak with your fork in pique. “Stop bothering me! I hate it. I hate everything! Work sucks, life sucks, everything sucks. And I literally don’t have any friends to hangout on friday night beside my own roommate whom I see nearly 24/7. I really had no life beside work it’s embarrassing—”

Namjoon winces, and you immediately halt every movement and stare at him in shock. You know that gaze. It literally screams apology and regret.

“About that…”

You gasp and smash your utensils in the table that few other people are glancing weirdly your way, but you cannot care enough about those prodding eyes. “No! You can’t do this to me, Namjoon! You are ditching me tonight, aren’t you?!”

He grimaces. “I’m sorry, Y/N but I promised the guys for drinking tonight. It’s already planned since god knows when, I can’t bail on them.” You sigh, massaging your aching temple. Noticing how upset you’ve been—probably due to the possibility of ending the stressful weekend only in your pajamas watching bad tv shows, Namjoon quickly continues. “But you can come if you want! We would love to have you there.”

You suddenly put your hand together, moving closer to Namjoon in vivid interest. There’s a possibility to drink your pain away tonight and you are all down for it. “I would love to! I am so stressed lately, I desperately need an outlet. I am going crazy for this work and another second just sitting around I will go mad. And I would love to hangout with the guys! It’s Seokjin, Hoseok, and the others right?!”

“Yeah… about that.” Namjoon’s hesitance is too obvious that you immediately squint your eyes in suspicion. “Yes, I’m with those guys. But there is one additional person joining us and… you won’t like it.”

You giggle at his concern, easily shrugging it away. “Who? I don’t think so, Namjoon. Don’t underestimate me, I may not be as friendly or outgoing as you are, but I can manage to meet new people well and—”

“It’s Jeon Jungkook.”

You immediately close your eyes and heave a breath, your fingers are gripping hard on the edge of the table until Namjoon literally had to move his chair a step back out of fright. It is not the first time he had to face your immeasurable wreath, and it is literally not a good sight he’d do anything to avoid it to happen ever again.

“Why?! In what circumstances would you ever hang out with that bastard?!”

“It just happened! Jimin is friends with the guy, both are from the same department as well. He is new and nice—to us, at least.” He quickly adds before you go into a screaming match yet again. “It’s harmless! And he needs friends too, Y/N. He is new in the city, and doesn't have many friends. I still have no idea how you can even hate the guy when he literally just entered his four months in town.”

You look up to Namjoon aloofly. Jungkook has no friends? What happened to the jerk you knew a few years back? He seemed to be doing well with his bunch of jerks he called as friends. “Pssh—I don’t really care about that. Just do whatever you want!” You childishly pout and continue in stabbing your steak. You know that with Namjoon you can always count on him being a brother that would gladly endure your annoying traits and childishness.

“Hey, I am sorry. Don’t be mad, okay? What if we get ice cream tomorrow, hmm?” He kindly persuades and then you are unable to prolong your fake burst. There is no way you can stay mad at him, as he is literally a heaven-sent angel to you. You don’t even know how you can stay sane if it weren’t for your kind roommate.

“M‘kay. But you’re paying and I am taking home a litre of shooting star ice cream.”

Namjoon sighs and you giggle at his easy forfeit. “You are neither easy on the eyes nor to my wallet. I hope you understand how generous I am to still want to participate in this friendship.”

“By the way, have you seen VoE email this afternoon?” Namjoon nonchalantly asks, smiling to the waitress that places his own steak. You meekly shake your head, cause ain’t nobody got time to read another email from the Voice of Employee team. You already arranged your inbox neatly and automated those emails to be placed inside the folder which named ‘emails i probably will never read ever in this lifetime’. “I shouldn’t have asked, of course you haven’t.” He continues, unimpressed and you grin devilishly at that.

“So, they announced the new employee engagement event. This year’s event is kind of a blind pen pal thingy that is arranged by Jimin.” Namjoon explains while cutting his steak in boxes. “Albeit lame, I thought it was kind of interesting. You should join, you know?”

“Pen pal?” You scrunch your eyebrow. The idea is not appalling even a little to you. “Really? What year does he think it is?”

“It could be fun! You know it must be nice meeting new people across the company. Funny that they also recommend the participant to hide their identities and stay anonymous while chatting at least for the first few weeks.”

“What? That’s so lame! Why do they have these kinds of things?!” You giggle and shake your head in.

“Actually, because people like you, Y/N. You said yourself that you had no friends and life outside work. It could be great to meet someone new and talk freely, even in the company. It’s also good that it’s anonymous in the first weeks so people won't be judgy and busy talking about work stuff and making friends instead.” Namjoon replies back and you pretend hurt at the truth shoved at your face.

“Ouch! That hurts.” You jokingly wince but nonetheless shrug. “I think it kinda made sense, but I think I’ll pass.”

“Oh, come on! It can't be that bad.” Namjoon groans at your stubbornness. “You know you have to pick an employee engagement event. If you choose to go with your boss for the fishing competition event when you know he’ll talk about work all the time, I’ll gladly say go for it. And you literally can’t even boil water, there’s no way you’ll be joining the ‘masterchef’ event. Or that singing competition! Are you kidding me? No way.”

You sigh at the reminder since Namjoon is indeed correct. There’s no way you’d be joining the other engagement events since you are talentless in nearly any other area, and whilst pretending you can cook might be interesting, the possibility of burning the whole kitchen is not since you are not risking the lives of others because of your carelessness. And singing is the one you already gave up on. You are not embarrassing yourself and be the joke of the year in front of your boss and colleagues.

“Gosh..I hate it when you are correct. I’ll think about it later, okay?” You frustratedly hiss, ruffling your hair in distress. “Let’s talk about something else, please.”

After another half an hour chatting while you finish your food, you and Namjoon quickly pay with another dramatic debate of which one of you will pay. After humorlessly swearing that you will twist his figurine if he still insists on paying, you easily win the debate and pay instead.

“So, are you going straight to the bar?” You inquire after walking out of the restaurant. Namjoon hums and swiftly picks the phone from his pocket, checking his friend’s current whereabouts.

“Nope, I think they should be here anytime soon, but—”

“Namjoon! Y/N!”

Both of your eyes quickly divert to three guys coming your way. It’s Jimin’s jovial voice calling your name, Hoseok beside him and… Jungkook. The huff instinctively comes out of your mouth after noticing the guy wearing a blue navy buttoned up shirt who irritatingly still looks too good for him. Noticing that Jungkook’s intense gaze is never diverted from you, you quickly shift your face somewhere else.

“You guys finished the dinner?” Jimin asks and you nod with a smile. “Ah, long time talking to you again, Y/N! I am sad we don’t get to work together again.”

You giggle, definitely sensing the irony in his sentence. The fact that he is assigned to another project in Finance was the biggest turning hill in your career, as it was also the point you were introduced to Jeon Jungkook, as the new hire who replaced him and whom you would be working closely with. You don’t even want to remember how stricken and betrayed you felt at that time.

“Yup, true.” You quickly smile and clearly avoid both Jungkook whom you detect is still staring at you and Hoseok who is literally glancing at Jungkook staring at you. This is getting ridiculous and you detest each awkward second spent with these men.

“Hey! You guys know that we are sending the last reminder for choosing an employee event!” Jimin suddenly chirps and you wince. “I noticed you guys haven’t been picking yours.”

“Last reminder? I thought it was just announced this afternoon.” Namjoon innocently asks while scratching his temple. Jimin instantly sighs in distress.

“I began sending it two weeks ago, Namjoon. Damn it!” He hisses and Namjoon immediately points at you.

“Y/N didn’t even read the email!” You slap his shoulder quickly in embarrassment. Jimin looks at you in disappointment and you smile, inevitably guilty for him.

“You guys are such a pain in the ass. I’ll be waiting for your emails monday morning. And please do pick the pen pal option arranged by me!” He singsongs proudly. You nod dubiously. “There’s a lot in store and I can guarantee you it would be very fun!”

You are still nodding, before looking to Namjoon. Freaking Jungkook is still reading you like you are a book, so you need to head out fast before anything unwanted happens. “So, I think I’ll head out first. You guys have fun—”

“Let’s go together! I parked in our usual.” Namjoon says and you briskly nod, your legs are desperate to put distance between you and Jungkook’s intense and unnecessary stare. You bite your tongue to hold yourself from snapping. Seriously, what is wrong with that guy?!

“Namjoon, Jungkook is going with you, he didn’t bring his car. Hoseok is pooling with me, we need to stop somewhere first.” Jimin nonchalantly mentions but you are immediately struck. Why?! Why would Jungkook pool with Namjoon? It means that you are going to spend another five minutes walking to your car parked in the basement where you’ll have to spend an elevator ride with him. Ugh, even the thought repulses you.

“Let’s go. Seokjin and Yoongi are already on the way to the bar and ten bucks say Yoongi is cranky as fuck now.” Hoseok wriggles his eyebrows at you. You reponds by mouthing him curse words as you know what he is implying. He is clearly having fun at your misery.

“Y/N, let’s go.” Namjoon quickly intercepts your clear avoidance for Jungkook by pulling you by the elbow. He gestures Jungkook to follow behind the two of you.

It was only uncomfortable silence even inside the lift that descends to the parking lot. You are this close to Jungkook, but you are still feeling his wary glances on your skin. It is too much of a burden and your last string snaps, unable to hold yourself.

“Is there something on my face?” You spit at him. Jungkook immediately looks away. Instead of answering with another trash reply, he decides to stay silent. Well, that’s new.

“So, tomorrow we need to choose an employee event. Can I sign you up for the pen pal one?” Namjoon asks suddenly, probably trying to take your minds off things, especially the fury you have for Jungkook.

“Namjoon, I don’t think so. At this rate I think I’ll just join that fishing one.”

Suddenly, an unexpected voice behind you is heard. “I don’t know, but they say fishing needs patience and you clearly are lacking that one, Y/N.”

You immediately throw your head back and glare at Jungkook. He nonchalantly looks back like he did not just diss you. “The fuck you say?!”

“I said what I said. I thought you’d know that by now.” He smiles civilly, and you just know he is the one begging you to snap and scratch your claws at him.

“Come here you little shit—“

Namjoon instantly holds you by the waist, stopping all your movement. “Y/N, don’t! Let’s go now.” He reliably holds you and leads you back to your car until Jungkook is safely out of your sight.

“Y/N, enough. It doesn’t matter. Just go home and take some rest.” He persuades and you have to take multiple breathes in and out to calm yourself. “I know you are angry but please don’t run him with your car.” He jokes, but you immediately form a chilling smirk with your lips.

“That’s a great idea, actually.” You vigorously pat your wheels.

“Y/N, I was joking, please—“

You giggle at his clear fright. “I’m joking too. I’m okay, Namjoon. He was just being a jerk again. I got used to it. That’s not even the most hurtful thing he said to me. I’m fine.”

Namjoon heaves a breath and moves to pat your head with a grin. “You gave me a fright, you fool. Drive save, okay? Let me know when you’re home.”

You hum and Namjoon moves to close your door. You move your car and catch Jungkook standing on the side. He was waving at you with a condescending smile, the one you answer by flipping him off.

*

It’s been nearly two in the morning. You are exhausted, but your body is still too much alive to be sleeping right now. At times, your body is still accustomed to your college routine when you’d only be sleepy when there’s still so much to do. Usually at these times, you would be watching movies with Namjoon, commenting on every single thing you can comment about the movie while he’d do anything to shut you up.

Already going to the sixth episode of your netflix series, you glance at your phone. Speaking of Namjoon, you notice that he hasn’t given you any signs of going back home. He always does, especially when drinking out with friends. The thought suddenly scares you that something might have happened to him, so you quickly dial his number.

Three beeps and finally someone picks up. “Hello? Namjoon? Where are you? Are you not coming home? If you’re not you should’ve told me sooner!”

An incoherent groan is heard along with a faint voice of someone you’d rather not mention. Another seconds of silence until an abrupt deafening, slurry voice is heard. It’s still him. Jeon Jungkook. “Y/N, can you help us? Namjoon passed out and I am not completely sober enough to drive. Come here and get us, please?”

“Ugh, get a taxi! It’s freaking two in the morning, I don’t want to go.” You groan, even if inside you are contemplating. Namjoon is drunk, and he brought his car with him. You’ll not be able to sleep if knowing he is out there drunk and in need of help. “Where are the others? Can’t they get you home?”

Five seconds of awkward whimpering of Jungkook babies himself, refusing to give Namjoon’s phone to someone else. It turns out to be Yoongi, also your workmate from IT. ”Y/N? Y/N! I am so happy you picked up. Can you get these guys? Everyone here beside me is drunk, and this petite body of mine can only take Hoseok and Jimin since they’re in my building as well. Can you please get your huge ass roommate home?”

You sigh, aloofly agreeing to help Yoongi. The place they are drinking is not far from your apartment, so not even bothering to change your peppa pig pajamas, you overlay it with a peach sweater and hitch a taxi right after.

Not even fifteen minutes on the way you finally arrive. The bar itself was rather vacant, the music has changed, and you can immediately detect a group of moron on the corner booth of the bar, looking severely drunk. Detecting your presence, Yoongi instantly lightens up.

“Y/N! Y/N thank god.” Yoongi exhales. “I really fucking desprate to go home. Can you bring Namjoon and Jungkook together? Jungkook lives near your apartment, and he is not that drunk. Just drop him off in front of his buildings, or whatever.”

You groan in distaste. “Really? I really have to bring this guy with me?” You peer your squinted eyes at Jungkook who is limping to stand beside you.

Jungkook rests his palm on your shoulder with an intoxicated smile, wiggling his eyebrows. “Yes. Let me come along, Y/N. I promise we’ll have fun, hmm?”

You instantly push him away in disgust, the empathy you surprisingly have for him has disappeared into thin air. “I’m not getting in any car with you, jackass. Have a great time sleeping on the street.”

Yoongi groans at your stubbornness. It is not an uncommon sight as he is already well informed of your bad blood with Jungkook. “Y/N, for the love of god please stop arguing with a drunk idiot and lets just go fucking home.”

Still scowling, you move to wake up Namjoon, circling his arms around your shoulder. Jungkook is somehow still sober enough to voluntarily help you carrying the giant to his car. After safely securing Namjoon on the back, you stride to the driver seat and Jungkook follows to sit on the passenger seat  beside you. Driving out, it was only cold silence inside the car that you have to glance to see if Jungkook is asleep. It turns out he is not sleeping, instead catching him stealing glances at you.

“What the hell are you looking at?” You frown at him. He shrugs, diverting his eyes to the window. Another three minutes of silence until he opens his voice.

“Are you dating Namjoon?”

You stare at him, befuddled. What the fuck is he prattling about? “I am quite certain it is none of your business. Why are you asking anyway?”

“Nothing, just a question. You don’t have to answer.” He somberly responds, not mimicking the edge in your tone the way you expect him to. It leaves a sour taste in your tongue, feeling guilty in such a strange way.

“Namjoon and the other asked me why we hate each other so much.”

At the sudden information, your body tense. Namjoon asked him? Did he possibly tell the guys about what happened between the two of you? Even the thought only scares your whole being. “And what did you say?”

He heaves a deep breath once again. “I said I don’t not hate you. You may hate me, but I never hate you.”

The answer and his tone is astoundingly civil, so you glance at him in confusion. Hard to believe it is him talking right now. “What are you saying?”

He massages his temple. “I never hate you, Y/N. I know. I know what happened between us. And even if it’s too late, I know I was wrong and you have all rights to be furious at me.”

The fingers you have on the wheel tightens. You don’t know why you feel this way. The moment Jungkook acknowledges the mistakes he has made, it seems like everything shifts into a different light. You bit your lips in irresolution. Is it actually you who is too irrational not to let go something that is clearly in the past?

As if not realizing your current distress, Jungkook continues. “I know there is no time we’re not at each other’s throat, but I always wanted to ask how you’ve been. Are you living okay? How is your family, is everything good now?”

At his questions, you find yourself snapped. You don’t need it. You don’t need his sympathy. All things he said are never going to change what he did, and frankly it is too hard to imagine he might have changed. You had enough of him and his bullshit and one thing you will never do is to repeat history again. You are not that much of an idiot.

“Save it, Jungkook. I don’t want to hear it.” You shakily say, the tears are already swarming at the corner of your eyes. “I’ve had it enough. I am not going back again to that phase again. You hurt me, bad. And I’m not an idiot whom you can fool around with and will be there at your doorstep the moment you want it.”

“Y/N, I—”

You immediately step on the break that jerks everyone inside the car including you. “This is your apartment, right?” If you’re explicit gesture for him to fuck off is not clear, you don’t know what is—but it seems like he understands well enough and reluctantly nods. Releasing his seatbelt, he gazes at you again, eyes swarming with anonymous emotion.

“Just so you know, I never told them anything—what happened between us, I mean. I’ll never say that to anybody. If you still hate me this much, I know it’s not my place to tell.”

You are still unmoving, only looking straight ahead as he dejectedly continues. “I know this is wistful thinking, but I wish we can sometime talk, Y/N. Just talk. Like two people who are not desperate to hurt each other, or to bicker, or anything.”

You shift your head, ironically smirk at him with tears already falling down your face. Talk? Now he wants to talk to you? Does he think you’re a joke? He is a bastard and you should’ve known better than to deal further with him again.

“Well, maybe you’ve lost your chance to talk when you told me to fuck off that time.”

*

After spending all weekend balled up inside your blanket while Namjoon constantly queried you about what happened, it is finally Monday morning. You woke up in a troubled mood, all because the first thing you do in the morning is to prepare for the 8.30 meeting you have with your boss and team, in which one person from finance is invited and it is freaking Jeon Jungkook. You literally have no idea what happened to your luck, since everything seems to be going downhill recently.

Arriving exactly in time, you can see two of your planning teammates, Hoseok and Jungkook are already seated. You greet them and directly take a seat beside Hoseok, silently opening your laptop to prepare the meeting, trying to be as nonchalant as ever. You notice that Jungkook is avoiding your eyes at all costs, and you are grateful for it. Your boss arrives directly in a minute, and then the meeting starts.

An hour into the meeting, your boss finally concludes. While you are arranging your belongings, your boss unexpectedly asks. “Y/N, for the employee engagement. Which one do you choose? If you’re still unsure, you should pick fishing. We can team up, and maybe talk about the project—”

The thoughts alone scares you and you abruptly answer in panic. Inside you are cursing Namjoon and his great predicting skills. “No, sir. I am picking the pen pal one. Might be great to meet and make new friends.”

He nods in understanding, and right after he walks out of the meeting room Hoseok chuckles. “Smart choice, Y/N. Otherwise you'll be stuck discussing work and faking laughs all the time.”

Smiling, you look up to Jungkook who stands near you. You feel the cold of nerves over his intimidating presence.

“Gotta go, talk to you another time.”

He quickly walks out, a tad bit surprising to both you and Hoseok. There is something different about Jungkook—he is not the confident, all-rounders man he used to be. There is a hint of rush in his voice and you might have an idea why.

*

“So, have you received your pen pal username?”

You look up to Namjoon, before re-reading the email Jimin sent to you yesterday about the person you are going to be anonymously chatting with. You’ve already downloaded the chatting applications, signing up yourself yesterday and now it’s you who should add and start the chat.

“Yes. I have, actually.” You breath out, before throwing it back on the sofa. “I don’t even know why I’m nervous! This doesn’t make sense. This is just talking, Y/N. Get your shit together.”

“I am now chatting with a certain person, username doofenshmirtz.” Namjoon mentions while typing on his phone. “I don’t know whether this is a good sign that she or he loves doctor doofenshmirtz or just another heartless jerk like anybody else.”

“Well if it's the preceding, he or she is indeed a keeper.” You hum in agreement, finally braving yourself to add. But now you have to begin the chat! God, this is indeed a struggle. “I am so awkward. What do people usually say to introduce themselves?”

“Well, most people usually go with a simple ‘hello’.”

You sigh at Namjoon’s useless advice, but when you are typing, sudden pop up chats arrive, shocking you altogether.

91snowball : wow, this really work [21:38]

91snowball : tell me if i’m correct or fuck it i’ll just delete this app now [21:39]

“Snowball is chatting with me right now!” You freak out, raise to your knees in tension. “Namjoon, what should I do! I don’t know what to say!”

Namjoon weirdly glances at you, then proceeds to continue whatever he is doing on his phone. “Just say something. Why are you thinking about it too much…”

blueberry_25 : yes i think we are pen pals😅 [21:40]

91snowball : ah, finally [21:40]

91snowball : so get this, blueberry_25. Which one travels faster? hot or cold [21:40]

Your eyebrows wrinkle at the unexpected riddle, but giggle otherwise. “My pen pal just asked me a riddle. Which one travels faster, hot or cold.”

Namjoon groans in disgust. “If the answer is hot because you can catch a cold you better block that person right now. That’s super fucking lame, what the hell.”

blueberry_25 : did you just search ice breaking riddles at google because i read the same one you asked me lol [21:42]

91snowball : wtf haha thats embarrassing but since you did too im fine 🥴 [21:43]

But soon enough, you find yourself chatting to snowball until nearly two in the morning. It is beyond you how easy it is to talk with him, about the recent movies, your unending love for how i met your mother, his addiction to brooklyn nine nine, and a little about each other. You know he is a male around your age (as you decide not to disclose age, just range) and he loves skiing. You tell him about your love of classical and grunge music—in which fascinates him due to the heavy contrast of the two—and ending it with a debate about which music defines puberty the most, my chemical romance or fall out boy. Both of you agree to end it with a draw.

In the end, snowball kindly reminds you you should be sleeping and have a good rest for tomorrow’s work. Reluctantly agreeing, you thank him and say you’re looking forward to the next chat. Even with the exhaustion you feel, you can only fall asleep after reading your exhilarating chat with him for one more time.

You forget how easy it is to talk to someone new. Or maybe you have been trying to forget you ever did.

*

Walking to your desk, you rest all your belongings and open your laptop. Hoseok beside you instantly slides his chair next to yours, eyes squinted and eyebrows scrunched.

“Why the fuck are you singing in nine in the morning, that’s so unlike you.”

You look at him in confusion. Are you singing? You did not even realize. “Oh, am I singing? Sorry if it bothers you, I didn’t know.”

The horrified look in Hoseok’s face is getting prominent. “You literally never apologize in the mornings. You always have a foul mood with an ugly frown on your face. Tell me who kidnapped you! Are you even Y/N?!”

You roll your eyes at his dramatic response. “Yes, I know I haven’t been in the best mood lately, but just let me live, okay? And why is this chocolate on my desk, this is yours.”

Hoseok looks at the ferrero rocher leaning on your desk with the small card on it. “It’s not mine. But let me check.” He swiftly takes the chocolate and pulls the card, his eyes scanning the words written on it. Five seconds passes before the mirth is detected on his face.

“This is not mine, this is for you.”

Flustered, you quickly take the card back from Hoseok’s grasp and read it. Someone is sending you chocolate, along with a hot pack glued on the back, and you don’t have any idea who or why.

It might be a little cold since it’s November soon, so here's a hot pack and also chocolate for you. Hope you’re having a great day today, Y/N!

“Wow, a secret admirer? The fuck, this is 2020–who does that anymore.” Hoseok cringes while getting back to his seat. Even so, he quickly opens his skype with a mischievous smile on his face. What an obvious moron, he giggles to himself.

*

“I told you a million times it is not me, Y/N.”

It is lunch at your office cafeteria, while Namjoon looks at you in distress at your accusation of him sending the chocolate you also bring with you to lunch. Hoseok is silently sitting in front of both of you, with Yoongi and Jimin on both his sides.

“But who else? There is no one supportive enough to send me a chocolate and a freaking hot pack beside you.” You huff while cutting your broccoli. Namjoon sighs, glancing at Hoseok discreetly.

“Even though I’m honored that I’m the only one who is strong enough to be your emotional support, it’s not me, and—“

“Enough about that! Hey, how’s it going with your pen pal?” Jimin suddenly asks, a wide smile on his face. You expect Jimin to ask the question to anyone, so when you notice the table is too silent you find everyone is peering at you.

“Why are you asking me?! Ask Hoseok.”

“It was so so. A man from HR.” Hoseok nonchalantly answers. “And we only introduced ourselves last night.”

“Mine was fine! She’s a girl from procurement.” Namjoon smiles. “But yeah, we just introduced ourselves last night. Maybe I should talk to her again today.”

“I just knew he is a guy. I didn’t really know where he’s from, but he’s around my age. It was great! He was very kind, and we had fun.” You nod silently.

“Fun? You literally were laughing like a hyena at 2 in the morning. I heard it through the wall.” Namjoon snorts and you side-glare him. Namjoon’s loose lips again, what’s new. “I figure it must be your pen pal, right? What ‘fun’ were you having, Y/N?”

“You’re literally disgusting, Namjoon.”

“Hey, Jungkook! Sit here!”

You instantly look up, finding Jungkook’s eyes peering at your desk, a tray of food in his grasp. You don’t really know why, you really thought he was heading to your table—but when his eyes find yours, he immediately pauses on his step. “Ah, sorry but I am here with someone.” He thinly smiles and excuses himself.

Unable to hold yourself, you look to your back and find him sitting with the tables of girls whom you recognize is also in finance. You are not certain if it is only you, but those girls really seem to be too amazed at his presence, instantly leeching themselves to him. Even if it’s not really a strange view to you, it is difficult to hold back your scoff.

Same old, same old.

*

You are waiting in the lobby of your office for Namjoon, since you are not bringing your car with you today. He said he’ll come down soon, so you are waiting patiently—but then a pair catches your attention from the corner of your eyes. It is Jungkook and Seojoo—the one you recognize also from Finance who was also at lunch with him.

You don’t even realize your eyes are squinted at those two, along with a scowl on your face. But at the possibility of being caught, you instinctively divert your eyes and duck your head to the other side. Even still Jungkook somehow is still able to capture you and head to your side. At that you internally curse.

“Y/N, why are you here? You’re not heading home?” He asks in concern, closing to you while your eyebrows wrinkle at his so-called familiarity. What is he doing talking so assertively—does he really think you are on that basis with him?

“I’m waiting for someone.” You curtly answer, not even a shift in your expression.

“Who?”

You look at him while scrunching your eyebrows. What the hell does he think he has a right to ask you that? “No one. It’s okay, I’m going home.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with us? Seojoo here is pooling with me—Ah, sorry I was impolite. Do you know each other?” Jungkook asks, like he is suddenly waking up that there is someone beside the two of you. Holding back your snort, you put a strict smile and offer your hand to the woman who is not even concerned to hide even a bit of her judgmental eyes at you.

“Seojoo.” She whispers which you mutter your name as a response and fuck is it awkward. You can obviously feel that Seojoo is marking his territory around Jungkook and you don’t fancy it one bit. Why does she have to feel that way towards you?

“Seojoo, you said you are going to the restroom. Aren’t you going?” Jungkook suddenly asks after your short and tense introduction. At that, Seojoo is bewildered, presumably bothered by the thought of leaving you alone with him, like you are going to eat him up right after she leaves. Fuck, what is wrong with her...

She hesitates, “I’m fine, though—”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll be waiting here. You can go.” Jungkook amicably says with a wide smile, and the insecure chick had no other option than to comply. After she leaves, his prodding eyes are immediately focused on you.

“Can you just say to that fling of yours that I am just a nobody? I will not steal you, damn it. If looks can kill I’ll already bleed to death right now.” You scowl in irk. But just seeing your scowl somehow brings giggles to his smile. “Why are you laughing, you dumbass?”

“You know what, if I’m that presumptuous I’d think you are jealous right now.”

You scrunch your nose, severely abhorred by his annoying big head. “But you are that presumptuous.”

“Exactly.”

Irritated, you push him by the chest until he erupts in loud laughter. “Fuck, why should I be jealous? We are literally nothing and will never be more than that—Gosh, we’re not even friends.”

“Well that’s just saddening.” He frowns while clutching on his chest even though he cannot say it’s not expected. “What are you saying, Y/N? We are more than that, we go way back and you know it.”

You hum and fake a contemplating expression. “Hmm, you’re right but I’m drawing blanks here. How did it go again?”

The wide mischievous grin on his lips dims, shifts into a thin smile. “I could not change the past, I know. But you know regardless of what happened—”

“I’m done.” Seojoo suddenly says, clings on Jungkook’s arm that it stops whatever words he is about to say and you are kind of thankful for that. “We can go now.”

Finally detecting Namjoon tapping out to the lobby in such perfect timing, you send both of the morons a lofty grin. “I should go. You guys have fun, but don’t forget a condom, okay?” You turn your gaze to flabbergasted Seojoo. “Or you know what? Maybe you should prick on it too, so then he’ll stay forever. But if I were you, I wouldn’t count on it. Good luck!”

You can sense the jaw drops at such provocative statements coming out of you, but you don’t even give an ounce of care and leave the scene. After managing to humiliate or hurt both of them, you feel good. You feel strong. However, when Namjoon is at your side and glances at you, he shouts, utterly stupefied.

“Y/N, why—why are you crying?!”

*

It’s eleven pm, you are still settled inside your blanket. You are physically tired, but still your mind is too conflicted to sleep. Half is because of your work, and the other half is caused by that freaking jerk, Jeon Jungkook.

You despise the fact that you are still thinking about him. You suppose to be hating on that guy, but even the hatred is too difficult to maintain right now with his strangely devoted and warm self. Even if it’s a hard to swallow pill, you know you’re enjoying the banter with him. God, you are fucking weak for Jungkook and you hate it.

Rolling in your bed, you try to remember the bad things he has done for you. Forgetting you, abandoning you, playing with your heart like it did not matter—but it eventually ends with the treasured moments with him you wish will never resurface again. Like the moment he holds you all night after your parents fight. Or the moment he defends your honor like it matters the most. Or the moment he first kissed you that fateful, rainy night. Everything is coming back to you now like a trainwreck.

Suddenly among your wandering thoughts, your phone rings. Heaving deeply, you pick up to detect a new message on your anonymous chatting apps. It’s snowball.

91snowball : hi hi hi hi hi what are you doing [23:02]

91snowball : are you sleeping no you cant be sleeping dont sleep on me blue [23:02]

Chuckling, you proceed to type a response.

blueberry_25 : hahaha im not sleeping [23:03]

blueberry_25 : i can’t sleep. Too much thoughts [23:03]

91snowball : care to share? I swear im a good listener [23:05]

91snowball : someone bothering you at work? let me know and ill gass ‘em up for u blue [23:05]

blueberry_25 : really? you’d do that for me?  [23:06]

91snowball : of course just tell me who it is they’ll be gone by tomorrow [23:06]

blueberry_25 : lol it’s nothing. Im just confused [23:07]

blueberry_25 : have u ever been confused about someone? Like u thought u hate them but… its hard to say you do [23:09]

You don’t even know why you just have the urge to tell a stranger about your current contemplation about Jungkook. You desperately need a third perspective on this, and maybe just telling it to someone that wouldn’t know and judge you might be a good change for once.

91snowball : why do u hate them? [23:09]

Blueberry_25 : he hurt and lied to me. when i thought there was something real, he was just in for fun and i should hate him. but why is it so hard to say so now? [23:10]

It’s true. Jungkook was someone you thought you’d love. You trust him so much that you opened up to him better than anyone else, and thought something was there. But all of it was just a lie—he was just in for the thrill. All because of his annoying male ego that made you realize he was just a patronizing jerk that used you for his own benefit and left when he’s done. He is the reason you are insecure about meeting someone new. He is the evil one.

91snowball : maybe because they changed? I know its hard to believe but people change too [23:12]

blueberry_25 : maybe… [23:14]

91snowball : what i’m saying, maybe you should give them a chance to explain? [23:15]

91snowball : but if they’re still the same, punch them and never see them again [23:16]

91snowball : you don’t want to be thinking about it forever, blue. just give the closure your heart deserves [23:17]

He is right, you desperately need closure with Jungkook so you can finally move on with your life—but even the thought scares you. A question arises inside your head that settles strangely in your chest—a question that answers why all your pain and resentment are still so vivid even after years have passed.

Closure with Jungkook scares you… Because you do not know if you’re ready to close it.

*

Another late night, but you are still sitting at your desk. All of your teams already went back, and Namjoon told you he went home an hour ago. He did offer to keep you company, but you quickly refuse, saying you’re doing alright on your own—but now you indeed start to regret your decision. You hate being alone, especially at night but you really need to finish the planning report asap for finance to check again. Seriously, these endless tasks are going to be the death of you.

“Why is this—” You furiously tap on backspace, anger rises inside your head. You have no idea why the recent planning process has too many hiccups like this. The data given to you is not tally, and you don’t even know why. There must be something wrong.

Among the stress inside your head, your eyes fall at the lilies resting on your desk and smiles. Your eyes linger on the notes stuck on it for already the nth time already today.

Here’s beautiful lilies for you. Hope you have a great day too today, Y/N!

“Hey, you are still here?”

Surprised, you abruptly look up, finding Jungkook’s concerned face at you. You release a deep breath of relief. “I thought you went home, it’s pretty late.” He continues apprehensively.

You clear your throat, suddenly finding it a bit hard to speak with the realization that it’s only the both of you on the whole level. “Yes, haven’t finished the report I need to submit. No worry, I’ll submit it soon.”

He carefully slides and sits on Hoseok’s seat beside you. “I’m okay if you submit this tomorrow. You should head back, you must be tired.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I just want to finish this tonight, head home and sleep.” You give him a short, civil smile before continuing your work. “You can go home if you want to. I’m okay.”

“I think I’d rather stay. My cousin is having ‘dinner’ with his girlfriend right now, god knows what I might go home to.” He lightly jokes, and it kinda works in entertaining you a little. You know based on your resentment to him you should curtly answer or ask him to leave, but you do know that you’d rather have someone as company right now, even though it has to be Jeon Jungkook.

“You got flowers?” He pensively asks after minutes of silence, raising his eyebrow.

You glance at him staring at the lilies at your desk. Suddenly, your throat dries and you don’t even know why. “Y-yes.”

“From who?”

“I.. I don’t know. Someone put this on my desk this morning.” You whisper, more to yourself. You hate yourself for explaining when you have the right not too, but deep down, this shameless part you are expecting Jungkook might be the one sending all these gifts. You know it makes no sense whatsoever—but involuntarily you are still foolishly hoping so. Yes, you are that delusional.

“A note too? Wow, a secret admirer. How poetic.” He sneers, then shifts his gaze back to his screen. At the obviously sarcastic tone, you scoff in irritation. What a jerk.

“You have a problem with that? What—jealous that you never have someone you truly care to give gifts to?”

He meaningfully stares at you, making it difficult to breathe. “It’s not true and you know it.”

At your befuddled expression, Jungkook sighs, not even wanting to prolong the debate. “But no. None whatsoever. I don’t care, it has nothing to do with me anyway.”

You bite your lips in evident shock and disappointment, and try your best to make the unpleasant thoughts disappear. Did he just implicitly address your past together? About the time he gave you a gift you could never forget for your whole lifetime? About the time when you foolishly thought he was someone you could give your heart to?

A few minutes passed in deep, tense silence and Jungkook is sitting beside you now, working on his own tasks. He is so focused on the screen, with his lean fingers stroking his chiseled jaw and he leans to the seat, eyebrows scrunching like something is bothering him so much. And the scar prominent on his upper left cheek is as palpable as ever, and you notice how much he has changed, but still hasn’t. Jungkook grew up really well from the last time you saw him a few years back. No wonder all the girls are flocking on him like he is a magnet or whatever.

“Hey, Y/N, get this.” Jungkook suddenly turns to you, and albeit surprised, you are trying to look as unfazed as ever—like you did not just spend minutes to admire his attractive features. Even if your face heats up at the possibility of Jungkook finding out your antics. “I see the reports from the planning and other supply chain teams are not tally. This has been going, since approximately two months ago. Do you have any idea why?”

You squint your eyes at the reports. Yes, it is the data you get from Junsu, the new-hire for your team. “I don’t really know why. I got this data from Junsu, he said he received it from the plant team.”

“I really think we should check this. I’m not sure.” Jungkook whispers, chewing on his lower lips. Another seconds of silence passes before he notices your intimidating stare on his face. “...everything okay, Y/N? Something’s bothering you? Are you tired?”

Fuck, you really spend those seconds staring at the way he chewed his lips. There must be something wrong in your head now. “No—no.. I’m just.. Yes! Yes, I’m tired. I think I need to go home.”

Jungkook nods in all seriousness while you are packing your belongings. You need to flee, fast. “Yes, you really should go home and rest. Let’s talk about this tomorrow again, hmm?”

“Yes, yes! Okay, see you tomorrow.” You hastily smile, quickly escape the room without minding his voice calling your name. Damn, you need to set your head straight. It is Jeon Jungkook you’re talking about here. You can’t be weak for him.

*

The night passess in a blink, and then the morning arrives a tad bit faster than you expect it to. Especially since you wake up to your boss' message, ordering you to come to his desk right after you arrive at the office—which means a disaster happened and you are not mentally prepared for that.

“Y/N, why the hell the sales director called and yelled at me?” Is your boss’ first sentence when you enter his room. You gulp instinctively, then move to proceed to sit because you know it won’t be over before it’s too long.

Another hour and you came out from the room looking as exhausted as ever. There is some mistake in either the planning and manufacturing side that creates untally numbers in reports between units which then escalates to the higher management. And now you have to manually check the numbers without the intervention of people and present it by tomorrow afternoon, which means you will have to go to the plant as of right now—it’s two and a half hours drive from your office.

Feeling terribly unfit to drive due to the pain in your head, you choose to get there by train—in which you spend by checking the numbers again for the first hour, but the pain in your head is getting unbearable and you decide to sleep it off. Few hours later, you finally arrive at the plant, weakly entering the office side of the plant. Upon finding a space to place your belongings, someone immediately catches your attention, finding him talking with a group of people and a stack of paper on his grasp. Are your eyes lying to you right now? Is he really here?

“...Jungkook?”

Hearing his name is called, Jungkook instinctively looks back to find your confused expression. The shock in his expression is palpable too. “Y/N? You’re here.”

“What are you doing here?”

He looks bewildered at your simple question. “I-I am talking to—to these people. Umm.. for my reports.”

Your eyebrows raised, as he should be coordinating with plant finance folks instead of your team. “But they are in supply chain.”

Jungkook is abashed, you sense it clearly. “Y-yes, I just—can we talk about this later? You can join us if you want, this might help you too.”

Decide to ignore the strange fact that he is here, you and Jungkook spend another hour talking to the manufacturing team, and then manage to get the in hand documentations of work orders. After settling inside the empty cubicle, you look at Jungkook who is already eagerly jumping into the documentations. “Hey. Are you here to help me?”

Jungkook looks at you, avoids your eyes and clears his throat. “No, of course not. Why would I? What’s in it for me? You’re talking nonsense now, Y/N.”

“But this shouldn’t be your job to go to the plant and check all the data.” You whisper, more to yourself while looking at the overwhelming stack of papers. “Why are you doing this?”

He suddenly stops, and looks at you with all seriousness painted on his eyes. “Don’t sweat on it, Y/N. Let’s just finish this and get to the bottom of it asap, okay? I am here to help.” Jungkook whispers and manages to silence your retaliation. Yes, you know you are seriously in need of help right now. Doing this alone will not be as helpful as having Jungkook with you, especially having to present the result by tomorrow afternoon—it makes no sense to do it alone.

Two months worth of documentation is a lot and overwhelming. And even after six hours working on it, you can only focus on the amount of work you still need to go through. The looming pain inside your head is not helping either.

“Hey, hey, you are pale, Y/N. What’s wrong?” Jungkook instantly stops when he detects you are unmoving, resting on your chair while closing your eyes. You yourself do not know why you are feeling so unwell today. “Hey, you haven’t eaten, right? Damn it, your blood pressure—wait here, I’ll grab you something to eat.”

Ah, that must be it. You just realized you haven’t eaten anything today beside one slice of bread in the morning. Especially with the low blood pressure, it must be taking a toll on you. But one thing that catches your attention is the fact Jungkook remembers your condition even after all these years—it settles strangely inside your chest.

In no time he is already back with a paper bag. “Here, I brought you this. Let’s eat in the pantry.” He immediately holds you by the shoulder, helping your weak legs to walk to the pantry. After ensuring you are sitting well, he opens the food box and juice and offers you the utensils. “I bought the first thing I saw, this should be good for your blood pressure. Eat.”

You nod thankfully and proceed to eat. After three spoons and a few minutes, you can finally breathe clearly. But as you see that Jungkook is just looking at you expectantly, you feel severely self-aware. “You’re not eating too?” You ask shyly.

Jungkook smiles and scratches his nape abashedly. “Sorry, ‘was so rushed that I forgot to buy one for me.”

He forgot to buy one for himself but buy this one for you? You instinctively offer him the food. “Eat this, then. We can share.”

Jungkook kindly rejects with a smile. “No, I’ll buy something else. Yours is too healthy for me.” He jokes and walks out of the pantry. Finally alone, you stare at the food in front of you, somehow frowning.  

*

“I really think we should go back.” Jungkook stubbornly says after the nth time debating whether you should stay in the office or go back to your two hours away apartment. The answer should be easy—you have to stay back since tomorrow you will be meeting another plant team. Especially since it’s already seven in the evening, and the plant is closing off soon. “But you need to rest! Stop forcing your body, you moron. You seriously can be sick because of your stubbornness, you know?”

“I’ve been through this! You should’ve seen me in college, I do this every single time. I’m good and alive now. See?”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, folding his arms to his chest. “Really? And tell me how’d it go again?”

You wince at the remembrance that you were bedrested more than you’re proud of, all because of your bad habits of staying late and overworking yourself. A question arises inside your head, but you briskly push it away. “You know Jungkook, you’re worse than my aunt, you know that?”

He giggles, showing his bunny teeth that somehow knocks the air off your chest. That heartfelt smile, you remember it like it was yesterday. “If you want, we can stay near here somewhere and continue the work. You need to sleep, and in the morning we can go back to the plant.”

“I’ll check the nearest hotel. Get ready, after this we’ll leave, okay?” He says while walking further from your desk. You bite your lips, silently nodding.

Suddenly, your phone rings. It’s Namjoon. You gasp, remembering that you haven’t let him know you are going to be away for work. “Hello, Namjoon?”

“Hey, where are you? I went to your desk two times today, thinking you had a meeting or anything. You haven’t even returned my calls or messages.” He hisses with obvious worry lacing his voice. “When will you be home?”

“Ah, I don’t think I’m going home today. I’m at the plant, have urgent work to finish so I’ll stay in a nearby hotel.”

“Is it safe? Are you okay? Do you want me to pick you up?” The worry and hurry instantly doubles the moment he heard you’ll be staying far away. You giggle, noticing how Namjoon is already too accustomed in taking care and worrying about you.

“It’s fine, you don’t need to worry. By the way, Jungkook is also here—”

“Jungkook?” He immediately cuts you, clearly confused. “The Jeon Jungkook? Your archenemy?”

“Yup.”

Two seconds of silence. “And he’ll be staying with you? In the same hotel?”

“The same hotel, yes! But not the same room. I know what you’re thinking, Namjoon, but it’s nothing—”

Namjoon tauntingly laughs that makes you totally self-conscious of your own skin. “Ah, the beautiful, old devil’s tango you both play. I have nothing to worry about, then. Tell me how it goes, okay? Bye, Y/N, remember to use protection. I’m not ready to be an uncle.”

“The fuck—”

But Namjoon is already cut off, and now you are staring harshly at your phone, your grasp is sucking the life out of your phone. Fuck Namjoon! You know you should never trust a guy who literally ruined a good pair of sunglasses he just bought. Seriously.

“I got one.” Jungkook suddenly interrupts your busy thoughts, walking to your side with a large frown in his lips. “But can you believe it? He said there is a concert near here tomorrow so all the rooms are full beside one large suite, and the other nearest hotel is like eleven kilometers away. What do you think?”

At his statement, your sight is suddenly blurry—all you can think about is fucking Namjoon and what he just said to you.

Ugh, you hate how statistics shows that he is often right, like 95% of the time...

*

Thinking you have no other choice than to get the one room left, you accept your fate that you have to be in one room with Jeon Jungkook for the rest of the night. Even if the suite only has one king-size bed, you get a compensation of a large suite that the distance you have with him may be kept well—and Jungkook agreed that he will not make any funny business on you after you ultimately warn him that you’ll be submitting charges if he even tries to.

“Y/N, I am not a sexual offender or anything. I will not do anything against your consent.” Jungkook sighs for the nth time as a reply to your threat of stabbing him with a fork. Again. “But it’s a different case if you’re willing…” You instantly send a lethal punch to the guy’s shoulder until he whimpers of pain. “What the—that hurts! I was kidding!”

“I was not kidding.” You roll your eyes, folding your arms on your chest. “This is a bad idea. I don’t even know what I should wear. I don’t want to sleep in my work clothes—and I have to be in a room with a pervert. Can’t you just sleep outside?”

He smirks while stealing glances at you. “You can always sleep naked and I won’t be complaining.”

“Fuck you.”

Jungkook greasily winks at you. “With pleasure.”

You groan in disgust. “God, you’re still the same, annoying piece of shit you were a few years back. I can’t believe this.”

“Well, you dated this piece of shit years ago, so…”

You look at him weirdly. Dated? What is he saying now.. “We were not dating. It was just a fling, you know it.”

Jungkook stares at you, with undeciphered emotions painted on his eyes. “We.. we weren’t?”

“No.”

He clears his throat, his cheeks are suddenly turning red. Your eyebrows slant at the thick air between the both of you. “Y-yes. Yes, of course it wasn’t. I was joking.” He continues with a forced laughter.

You slowly nod, clearing your throat out of sheer awkwardness. What happened between the two of you that time—it was a mere fling. It took nearly months to admit it was just that and nothing more, and now why is he here saying that it’s something more? He probably is just messing with your head, so no need to overthink whatsoever. That’s what got you inside the mess in the first place anyway.

After safely parked in the hotel lobby, you are about to walk out when Jungkook stops you. “I have a change shirt here, you can wear that to sleep. I believe there is a boutique here, so you can buy it for work tomorrow.”

He gives you a pair of clean shirt and pants, while you are only able to look at him with an unknown feeling in your chest. All these things—it feels too familiar to be true. You are unable to resist reminiscing the past. “You remember when I ran away from my house that time? I forgot to bring anything—and you lent me your shirt that time.”

Jungkook looks at you in evident shock, until a smile is suddenly formed on his lips. “Of course I remember. You were crying at that time, I was so panicked. You were wearing my shirt for like.. A full week.”

You giggle, smiling to yourself. Your parents were fighting again at that time, it was because of you. Your mother wants to take you back to Seoul, while your father wants you to stay in the states with him. You were so angry at that time, the fact that they weren’t even thinking to discuss it with you first so you fled, begging Jungkook to accompany you. That’s how you spend a full week running away with him bringing nothing to change into.

“I still can’t believe I stayed in your parent’s house for a full week without them finding out. That’s like… super mind blown.” You giggle again, remembering the time you stayed in his family house. It is undoubtedly one of the best times of your life, sneaking inside Jungkook’s house, staying in and having to spend all your days with him.

“It was crazy.” Jungkook breathes at you, smiling so wide his bunny teeth are visible. “I was so happy that time.”

Suddenly realizing how real it all gets after the unexpected nostalgia, you clear your throat trying to manage your emotions in. You really need to get your head straight. “Wow, this got mushy real quick, right? Let’s—let’s just go in.”

After a good ten minutes, you are settling inside your shared room with Jungkook. It was definitely larger than you think, so it was comforting to say the least. All because you cannot trust yourself when he’s around, and the fact that you’re starting to tolerate the guy isn’t helping either.

“I’m starting on the documentation, you take a shower first.” Jungkook mutters while settling himself on the corner of the room. You nod, and whilst getting ready with the pair of clean clothes he lent you, you catch Jungkook staring.

“What are you staring so intently at, you freak.” You snort and Jungkook chuckles while shaking his head.

“Nah, just remembered the old times. ” He smiles and suddenly you forget how to breathe. “You were so… pretty.”

Your heart literally skips a beat at how unreal everything is, but then are reminded of something that immediately makes you feel like an idiot for thinking he might mean it. “Didn’t you think like that because we just had a shower sex that time?”

Jungkook immediately blushes at your upfront mention. He most definitely did not expect that. “No, I wasn’t thinking—damn, Y/N, how can you say that!”

Rolling your eyes, your hand moves to slide the bathroom door. “Whatever, I’m going to shower now. Don’t even think about moving even a muscle from there.”

Jungkook sighs at your non-stop cautiousness, but is still unable to get that one last kick in. “You sure you can do it alone? I can help you shower, you know. ” He teases mischievously which you instantly answer by flipping him off. But you know the smile is too wide—you are enjoying this light banter too much now.

After having a very delightful bath, you walk out while drying your hair with a towel. Staying true to his words, Jungkook is seated still on the sofa, eyes not even blinking—too focused on the work in front of him. You move to his side, carefully resting your hands on his shoulder that he instinctively jumps on his seat. “Sorry to interrupt, but you should take a shower first. It must be suffocating still wearing that.”

Jungkook seems flustered, and immediately rises. “Yes, okay. I’ll be a second, then we can start. You should...rest a bit.”

Sitting on the couch he sat on, you stare at nothing in particular when your ringtone is heard. You mindlessly open your phone and find it’s Hoseok on the other side, pinging you endlessly—of course about you spending the night with Jungkook. You hiss just thinking about Namjoon literally can't keep his mouth shut, so instead, you leave him a fuck off emotion and move to open another chatting app, strangely miss chatting with your anonymous friend. Maybe you should update him about another conflict you are having right now, having been forced to be around the one you had a huge crush a few years back.

blueberry_25 : hiiiiiiiiiiii are you there? [20:15]

Right after sending the message, suddenly a ringtone is heard—it must be Jungkook’s phone. Shrugging the fact, you send another message, and Jungkook’s phone is ringing again. What is this coincidence? Why is his phone ringing at the same time you send yours?! The possibility of Jungkook being paired as your anonymous friends literally makes you dizzy beyond words, and you quickly move to grab his phone from his office bag, trying to detect if your notification is there. Fuck, fuck! If he really is your anonymous friend, you’d literally run away and sink yourself in the nearest waters. You’d rather set yourself on fire than having to spend another second around him.

Picking up his phone with your heart beating unhealthily fast, but all you see in his notification is Hoseok’s messages. You scroll slowly on his notifications, but fortunately nothing about your message is seen. You sigh deeply in reassurance. God, that was close.

Realizing how improper it is to be preying on his privacy, you clear your throat and put the phone back on the desk. Fuck, you are really shameless. But in your defense, it’s really a matter of life or death, because you have no idea whether you’d rather spend another second breathing when knowing you’ve been talking to Jungkook about Jungkook all these times. But seeing that there’s no notification, you feel slightly assured. Slightly.

Yet to think about it, he is using the basketball keychain you gave him a few years back and it makes you feel incredibly unsettled. Why is he wearing this? He changed his phone and really went through the hard work to still keep something he hated the first time receiving? You even thought he threw the keychain away after receiving it.

“Hey, what are you looking at?”

At the sudden low minister you look up in surprise, seeing Jungkook walking out of the shower, still with wet hair, wearing a white shirt and a pair of shorts that looks really comfortable, but not really for you as a silent bystander. Fuck Jungkook and his incredible charm!

“Is it my phone?” Jungkook asks, eyebrows scrunched.

Suddenly realizing that you are cornered by his great smell, you are stuttering to even let out an answer. “I’m-i’m sorry! Your phone rang and I thought it was something important, and—”

“You shouldn’t check my phone, really.”

Remembering how Jungkook hated to have anyone messing with his privacy, you wince internally and prepare for his wrath. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see anything, I swear.”

At your regretful gesture, Jungkook sighs and rests himself on the space beside you. “It’s okay. Just.. just don’t do it again. I don’t want you to be shocked to see what’s in there.”

Seeing an opportunity now that he has relaxed a bit, you push him by the shoulder with your own with a mischievous smile. “It’s okay, I’ve seen your porn collection. Nothing will really shock me at this point.”

Waiting for Jungkook to respond to your laughter, but instead you only find him gazes at you with indiciphered emotions. “Why? Is there anything wrong?”

“No, It’s.. it’s just weird. Actually the first time you acknowledge our past without wanting to rip my head off my body.”

At that, you find your gaze falling back to the basketball keychain on his phone. “You’re using that lame ass keychain you hated so much now?”

You remember that time you went to an old market with your friends the morning of your third date with Jungkook, seeing a cute basketball chain and you instantly remembered how much Jungkook always wanted to play basketball even if he was in a football team, so you bought that keychain for him. He begrudgingly received it with so much complaints, about how he didn’t like any accessories for his phone, or how he literally played football, or how it didn’t match his fashion concept, and you haven’t even seen him use it… until now.

“Yup. I have been using it since… you left actually.” Jungkook looks down to his phone, and you look at him with a contorted face.

“Why?”

Jungkook looks at you, staying silent for a good ten seconds while you bite your lips, wondering if you are ready to hear whatever he’ll say—cause any scenario playing in your head is just a trainwreck of mess after mess—until he answers with a heavy sigh of distress. “I’ll answer that later. Let’s just.. Work now.”

Silently thankful that he decides not to answer your pointless question, you agree and proceed with work. It is not exceptionally hard to focus on your work when the deadline is just around the corner, and you are thankful Jungkook is very helpful and kind with everything. But after a few hours spent working, from the corner of your eyes Jungkook is massaging his sore neck with contorted face. You know why—he severely strained his neck muscle during a practice a few years back, and will always feel pain whenever he is overworking himself, like he is right now.

“Hey, you should take a rest.” You tap his shoulders with worried gaze. “Your neck must be killing you right now. I can continue, there’s just a few of these left.”

Jungkook really wants to refuse your mindful offering, but the pain is disagreeing with him. So albeit half-heartedly, he moves to rest on the bed. “Laying on the bed would only worsen the pain, though..” You whisper to yourself, somehow still vividly remember everything.

“You want me to massage you?”

Jungkook looks at you in surprise. “Are you serious?”

You are fumbling with the hem of Jungkook’s shirt you wear and hesitantly nod. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself… Because… you’re my ride tomorrow to Seoul! We really need to get back right after, so—”

Jungkook nods with a thin smile, and you decide to shut up and just move closer to his side with a bottle of baby oil from your bag. After smearing a few drops on his neck, you proceed to move your fingers to give slight pressure around his neck—just the way you remember it.

“Now I know why you still smell like that. You’re still using that baby oil.” He hums in delight and you inevitably smile. The fact that he still remembers sends warmth to your chest.

After spending a good ten minutes massaging his upper neck, you notice that the neck area of his t-shirt is wet with the oil. “Ah, your shirt..”

“It’s okay. Are you done?”

You bit your lip. Not really, you know by the look of it the pain is still far from being off, but you don’t know what you should do. The convenient way is to have Jungkook out of his shirt, but then you’d literally be out of your mind. You most certainly do not have the capacity to do with a shirtless Jungkook, right on such a closed space, especially on a bed. Even thinking about it makes you feel rightfully ridiculous.

“You’re still in pain, though…”

“Ah, this is okay.” Jungkook gives you a comforting smile, trying to move his head, “I’m now as good as—Ow!”

Now you don’t even know how can that man survive another day being this careless. He is moving his head excessively only to prove his lies and end up with more pain. Really Jungkook-like. Sighing, you pull on his shirt. “Take off your shirt, you moron. I’ll massage you.”

At your bold statement, Jungkook literally shivers on your grasp. “No, It’s all well. You don’t need to—”

Greatly unimpressed, you warn him not to reason with your request and just by your stare, he begrudgingly complies. “But don’t laugh. I haven’t been working out recently, super swamped at work so if you just laugh, even a little, I’ll leave you here to take the bus alone to Seoul tomorrow.”

Giggling at his pouts, Jungkook moves to open his shirt and instantly lay on his stomach on the bed. “Don’t see it!”

“Why! Are you shy at me now? You literally used every chance to be shirtless back then.” You chuckle and mischievously poke him around the waist with your forefinger. “Why are you shy? You six pack no more?”

Jungkook buries his head on the pillow, while you still proceed to poke him repetitiously with your fingers. “Stop it!” He groans yet you disregard it without any further thoughts.

“You’re nooo fun! Don’t be shy Kookie, even if you’re bloated, I—Ah!”

Jungkook growls at your constant bother, and spends no other second to pull you around to secure you around his grasp, bare chest just a breath away from yours.

“Are you seriously going to do this now? Don’t you know how crazy I was just to be around you for the night?”

At his deep stare prodding at the depth of your minds, you feel terribly heated. “What-what are you saying..”

“Are you seriously not seeing this, Y/N?” He slowly breathes. “It’s hard. To be around you again, and trying to hold myself from thinking about what could have happened with us.” Is he seriously addressing what happened with your relationship before?

“What?”

“You asked why I still use that keychain you gave? You really wonder why?” He asks in unpredicted determination that it terrifies you. “It’s because what we had meant that much. You, me, us—we were so happy. Or at least, I was.”

Like it’s not surprising enough, he is apparently not done. “Being with you, I’d never trade that for anything. I was doubtful it even happened—you left so quickly and I need a reminder that it did happen. We happened.”

Realizing that he indeed is going to unveil anything that happened in your past, you weakly push him away, trying to create a safe distance in between. But of course it’s no match with his unbelievable strength. “Jungkook...”

“I know I was a jerk, Y/N. I was childish, foolish, I was an idiot and I did not think about your feelings. I did not consider that you must’ve had a reason to leave the country, we were fighting like crazy, but—I would’ve understood if I had known the reason, you know? And I start to wonder about the what ifs, will everything be different with you and me?”

You look up to him gloomily, the pain in your chest is unbearable now that he is opening up the past. You remember everything like it was yesterday—how infatuated you were with each other, how beautiful was the time of being in such love with him, how heartbroken you were to find out you had to follow your mother after the divorce and go back to Seoul, and how instead of clearly stating why, you and Jungkook had a huge fight that literally lasts for years and until now.

The sadness momentarily engulfs you, that you instinctively respond to the sentence you’ve been repeating to yourself these whole time. “Well then, maybe we are just not meant to be.”

Jungkook glares at you, not liking a bit that you had to pull that card with him. “Don’t you fucking say that. What we had meant that much to me, and I loved you so much, Y/N. Why can’t we just—” You know it was a past tense, he said he loved you. But why does that hurt? Unexpectedly a thought crosses your mind, and you speak faster than you think.

“Jungkook, what happened with that girl?”

His eyebrows scrunch in confusion. “What girl?”

You look down, unable to see him right in his beautiful, doe eyes.“That finance girl—the one coming home with you when clearly taxi exists—what happened that night?”

Jungkook clears his throat, finally getting what you’re saying. “Ah, her. No, I had Jimin take her home that night.”

“Why?”

Jungkook bite his lips, it’s obvious that he is conflicted to answer. Ten seconds pass until he finally opens his voice to answer. “Because she was talking shit about you, and I don’t like it.”

“You what? Seriously?!” Are you hearing correctly? Jungkook seriously abandoned all his mighty ways with girls just because someone is talking shit about you? “It’s inevitable, and you know I don’t give a shit what she thinks about me. You don’t have to do that—I can’t believe this.”

“Y/N, don’t overthink it. Even if we are off to a rocky start and you might hate me, you’re still my friend. I won’t let anyone talk shit about my friends, especially you.”

The way he speaks, it is full of sincerity and succeeds in melting your whole being. The way he cares about you, you hate to admit that you still like it too much. You can’t believe that you are still this reactive for anything regarding him.

Another seconds of comfortable silence passes and somehow, you get comfortable just laying there with him. Even your heartbeat is too fast for your likings, yet the familiarity is what keeps you on spot. You start reminiscing those beautiful times when it’s just you and him, the feelings you get whenever he looks at you like this—it feels amazing.

“What happens to your mother? Is she okay now?” Jungkook carefully asks, like he is testing the water. His palms are soft on your back, featherly soothing it with his whole deliberation.

You hum with a faint nod. “Yup, she is recovering well. My aunt and grandma are also very helpful with the therapy, so...yes. How did you know, by the way?”

“Well, after you left I… I just got around with your friend. She actually explains your condition and.. then I try to dig around for you as well. I found your social media and really wanted to message you, but.. Yeah, I never got to.”

What Jungkook does not explain is how much time he spends on his phone, typing and retyping his words to send you, but never got the courage to. After knowing what happened to you and your family—especially about your mother’s illness, he felt overwhelmingly guilty beyond words. He took it on you, taking all his disappointment for the false information he made for himself, without thinking what you might have felt. He deserved it, he deserves everything that happened to him. Being miserable, chased with the guilt feeling rooting on his back, it might be just the right price he must pay for letting you down, disappointing you the way he did.

“I am sorry, Y/N. If I can take back what I said, I would. In a heartbeat.” He whispers and you understand how much he means it. At that time, it’s even difficult to think he is still the same Jungkook who hurted you back then. He changes so much, and hopefully for the better.

“What about you? Everything is good back in the states?” You ask, resting your palm on his bare arm and you can sense how Jungkook is tense, but instantly relaxes after your hand is safely settled. “Your family is still there?”

“Yup. Family is there, only me here.”

You hum, fidgeting your fingers resting on his arm. You really want to ask one question that has been running in your mind since four months ago.“If I ask why you moved to Seoul, would you answer honestly? Like.. I know what you said to your peer, about the great offer whatsoever, but… there must be something else, right? There’s literally no good reason why you should move to somewhere new and not even lots of people you know here..”

Jungkook gives you a thin smile. “I.. I just needed a fresh start. My life there, everything that’s been going on with my family, my friends were too… exhausting. I just—I wanted to see how far I could go on my own.”

“Something happened with your family?” You curiously asks, suddenly curious about his last statement. You know how ruthless his father was with his ambitions for his only son, directly lining him up for the best school in the states and already planning all his future for him, including entering one of the most sought up corporate as well.

“Yup. You know, I don’t hate his plans. What I dislike is the way he single-handedly does everything for me. It was so stressful.” Jungkook whispers, more to himself. “He wants me to go Investment Banking, but I don’t want that. He promises that he can make me in Forbes list, or whatever it was he said, but I don’t want that too.”

“So I planned on moving out of the city, but I don’t know where or how. Then the idea to go back to Seoul arised. Something happened—the decision time was quite short. What turns out to be a joke turns into a serious option. Having dual citizenship really eases my access back to Korea, and my grandparents and cousins are also here so.. Yeah. That’s about it.”

You nod in understanding, cause everything he said seems plausible. But one thing still doesn’t settle right. “But.. why my company? You know I’ve been working here for a while now, right? It’s like… too much of a coincidence it scares me.”

“If I say it’s all the grand plan of the universe, will you believe me?” He lightly jokes, eyes turning into crescent moons. You roll your eyes, but nevertheless giggle.

“I think that’s enough for now. You must be sleepy, Y/N. Go to sleep, in a few hours  we still need to head back to the plant and directly go back to Seoul. Okay?”

You are expecting Jungkook to move away and leave you to sleep on the bed, but he is still there, holding you close, and you are not complaining at all. You are conscious that he is waiting for you to shoo him away, but you’d not even dare to do it. Cause being with him again, his large palm caressing your back, his breath tickling your face, everything seems like a very vague, far dream.

Another twenty minutes and you are already far too deep in slumber, Jungkook smiles at your sleeping face. You seem so at peace, and he is loving every second just laying here with you.

But the rest of work ain’t gonna fix itself, so he is still groaning, and wakes up and moves back to the sofa. Getting a canned coffee from his duffle bag, Jungkook quickly gulps an adequate amount until he is sure he won’t be sleeping for a while now. Trying to relax his strained neck, his finger moves back to the laptop in front of him.

“Let’s finish this once and for all, shall we?”

*

Due to staying up until three in the morning, Jungkook wakes up around nine to a cup of coffee in the kettle, along with a thank you note for finishing the rest of the work and promises you’d do anything he asks in return. You also permit yourself for going to the plant first. At that, a slight disappointment arises inside his chest and he doesn’t even know why. Jungkook heaves a deep breath, waking up and directly going straight to the shower.

Not even thirty minutes later, Jungkook is already parked on the plant, walking inside to the office side where he expects you will be. But he is met with disappointment, because you’re not there—not even your belongings are in sight.

At once, he feels terribly anxious. What happened to you? Where could you be? He tries dialing your number, but is met with no answer. When one of the supply chain teams he was talking to yesterday is walking beside him, he stops her right away. “Hey… Did you see Y/N? Was she here?”

“Y-yes. She is currently meeting with the team leader.” She mutters nervously, especially with Jungkook’s hardened stare prodding at her.

“Team leader? Where?”

“They’re meeting downstairs, probably in the cafe? I don’t really know..”

Finally self-conscious about how freaky he has been, Jungkook quickly mutters his thank you and descends to the elevator. Team leader? He doesn’t know why he feels terribly on the edge with the fact she is meeting the team leader. Probably due to something he heard yesterday…

“Y/N, you’re disappointed, right? The team leader is in the plant right now since there's a production problem. Tell me, you actually wanted to see him, right?”

That was that a fellow supply chain team was whispering to you during the discussion yesterday, which you answered with a lousy no. It did not settle right with him and now he is proven right. Who is this team leader, actually?

While in the elevator, he swiftly reaches for his work phone, trying to find a certain supply chain team leader. He squints his name, finding a name that certainly is not too strange if he thinks about it...

Kim Taehyung.. When did he hear this name before?

*

“I told you I can pick you up from the hotel and then we can get a proper breakfast. Why are we even meeting at this lousy, overpriced office cafe.” Taehyung fizzles with a deep pout while cutting the maple syrup pancake he ordered. You thinly smile, stirring the cup of chamomile tea on your grasp. It’s certainly strange to be in the exact situation with him as it was during your college days.

“It’s okay, I can’t stay long anyway. I just got a few things clarified from your team and I’ll be on my way back to the headquarters.”

“Really? That fast?” The pout on his lips deepens. “If I know you are going to leave so soon, we should’ve done something last night. I don’t even understand why you checked in a hotel instead of staying with me. It’s way cheaper and easier, you know?”

“Taehyung, you know I can’t do that…” You warn him, feeling cautious of the overly familiar sense between the two of you. It is dangerous, and you don’t want to ruin everything with you and him. Again. You will not foolishly repeat history.

Noticing how tense the air has become after your last sentence, he suddenly leans his palm over yours, eyes filled with regret. “Y/N, please don’t be like this. We are friends before anything else. What happened, it was in the past. I don’t want to lose you like this.”

The irony of hearing that too many times now literally put a painful grin in your lips. Why the fuck men keeps on saying that to you these days? Fucking annoying.

“I get it. We are friends. So please keep the line, Taehyung. I don’t want to lose you as a friend like this too.”

Realizing that not even a hint of mirth on your face, he realizes that he indeed has crossed the line. Taehyung immediately pulls his hand away, clasping it on his lap. “I am sorry.”

“It’s okay. But can we talk about work, now?” You sigh in distress. You know by the look of it, Taehyung has millions of words he wants to say, but you don’t want to hear it. You just had enough with all the drama.

Taehyung was your friend. Your first friend in Seoul. Your first friend in university. Your best friend. At that time, he helped you a lot with adapting to the new environment. He helped you with every part of your life, your study, your family, everything. He was the son your mother never had—you were that close to him. At the beginning, regardless of what people said that the both of you would end up being in love with each other, it was easy to disregard it with a simple laugh. Because Taehyung had a girlfriend back in his hometown. Because you were busy with working part-time to make a living, and love was your last priority.

4 years being in a platonic relationship was easy when it’s with him. You graduated together, sealed with a picture of Taehyung kissing your cheek in front of your alma mater hanging on your living room’s wall, you never knew something indeed has changed with you and him. Not until one night he confesses he wants to try something more serious with you, for you to seriously consider him as a boyfriend. And as easy as it was, you agreed. Because in all sincereness, you knew you’d do anything for him, and even if you wanted to be with someone, it just had to be him.

Having the same dream, both of you applied for the same company, and were accepted in the same team. You were working alongside him, and seriously could not be happier. Day by day, you start to gain feelings for him, and it was as easy as expected—because he was a very great guy, everything you wished him to be. Until one day, an email arrives in your personal inbox, filled with cursive words accusing you were the one Taehyung was cheating with. From his ex-girlfriend.

At that time, you directly confronted Taehyung for an explanation. And you found out that before graduation, he measly broke up with the girl through a freaking message and blocked every contact with her right after. And when you thought everything couldn't go worse, more digging led you to find out that he broke up only after you agreed to try something serious with him.

You were heartbroken. Even if you knew that in his defense, he thought that nothing was going to work with his ex-girlfriend for way before they broke up, but it did not justify anything that he did for her, or for you. You expected more of him, and were excessively disappointed. And even when you tried to forget it and move on like what it was before, you can’t shake the feeling of betrayal. That’s why you decided to call it off.

Taehyung was disappointed in your easy choice of way out, it was as clear that both of you are not on the same page with everything. Knowing that both of you couldn’t just disregard everything and keep on being professional at work, Taehyung directly applied after an opening for a plant team was announced—and in no time he left. Just like that.

“Hey, are you okay? Y/N, don’t be like this. I won’t talk about it again—let’s just talk about work. Okay?” Taehyung asks in worry at your deep and long silence. You dubiously nod, realizing that you cannot keep on being like this. That’s why you reach out for your laptop, intending to start on questions for your report.

“So, is your mother okay now?” Taehyung asks, and you know he is sincerely curious instead of making small talks. You kind of understand though, since your mother saw him nearly everyday as he was practically glued to your side.

“She is doing much better now. And she asked about you too, you know.”

Taehyung immediately smiles at that. “Yeah, of course I know. I was literally the best child she could ever have, since her daughter was busier than the president himself.”

You roll your eyes but still chuckle at the remembrance. “Shut up. I was working! And you know, you are the weird one. You kept on hanging out in my house, even without me. My aunt and grandma were literally in love with you.”

“Yeah, they were so kind and lovely. How could I not miss them.” Taehyung smiles more to himself. You can detect how sincere he is, and the guilt is slightly eating you up. If you weren’t such a selfish person, maybe everything would be different. Maybe you and him would be different.

“Then come again to my house. I’m still in my apartment, but I come back to my house once or twice each month. You know my family house is closer to the plant than the headquarters. You should come with me.”

You know that Taehyung seems to be at shock at your unexpected invites—as you too were shocked—but he instantly forms his signature boxy smile and nods in agreement before you could change your mind. “I would love to.”

Suddenly, a ruckus was heard directed from the door. You instinctively turn to the source of the sound, and unexpectedly find Jungkook marching to your side. You immediately stand from your seat, somehow anxious over the fact that you left him in the hotel with only a lousy note to excuse yourself. And probably, the fact that Taehyung is here too.

“Jungkook? Why are you here?”

Jungkook looks at you, then at Taehyung, then at you again, implicitly showing how bewildered he is. “Ah, it’s nothing. I just.. I just want to check where you are. You left so quick from the hotel, so—”

Taehyung immediately stands up from his seat, staring at you while squinting his eyes. “Hotel? He is staying with you, Y/N?! That’s dangerous, why are you—don’t tell me.. You’re not staying in the same room, right?”

Jungkook’s eyebrows scrunched, disliking the fact that Taehyung looks really bothered at the fact that you are staying with him. “So what if we are? Do you have a problem with that?”

You bite your lower lips in distress at both of the guys who look like they are ready to have the showdown of their lives. Fuck, why does this have to happen now?!

*

If you had any thoughts that Taehyung and Jungkook will be fighting because of you, you were surely an idiot—because right now it’s like you literally don't even exist. Both of those idiots are too busy playing phone games as teams while laughing like maniacs, while you are busy trying to finish all your work before having to rush to Seoul in an hour. Yes, you don’t really have anything left for them to work on, but… it feels difficult when you don’t even understand what they are doing with their damn phones.

“Taehyung, what the hell… you can’t fucking shoot! He was literally in front of you!” Jungkook groans at his phone, then Taehyung kicks him on the shin until the younger guy hiss in pain. You roll your eyes, fucking child they were.

“Jungkook, let’s go. We need to head back to Seoul.”

“Why?! There’s another hour! There’s no need to rush, you know.” Jungkook pleads, yet not even looking at you. Since Taehyung steals a glance at you, he immediately notices you are not in a mood for a joke. At all.

“Five minutes. This will be finished, okay? You can get ready, Y/N.” Taehyung replies calmly and even with deep resentment, you still comply and pack up your belongings.

Just another thirty seconds and Taehyung is cursing before throwing his phone back at the table. “Fuck, I’m dead.”

“That’s because you suck.” Jungkook mocks playfully, and Taehyung rolls his eyes at the childish remarks. Taehyung turns to you scrolling on your phone, looking as unbothered as ever—even if he knows how irritated you are right now. That’s probably on how much he understands you.

“Hey, Y/N. When can we meet your mom?”

Jungkook suddenly chokes on air at that unforeseen statement. What the fuck did he just hear? Why is Taehyung meeting your mother?

Only sending Jungkook weirded out stares, you turn to Taehyung. “I’m planning on going back tomorrow, as I haven’t gone back for weeks. You want to come with me?”

“Sure, that’d be great.” Taehyung nods, literally insensitive to Jungkook’s hazy state as more information comes in.

“Okay, should we meet directly at my mother’s?”

“No, I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning. I’m going back to Seoul tonight for a drink with Jimin, Yoongi and Hobi.”

“Ah, drunkard night. Must be fun.” You sarcastically joke and Taehyung is unable to deny as he giggles. Meanwhile on the other side Jungkook’s sight is literally shaking, probably to the current state he is in. Fucking pathetic is what he is.

“So, did you receive my flowers this morning?”

Your mouth and eyes are forming a full circle, remembering the gifts resting on your desk nearly every morning from last week. “That was you?!”

“Yes.” He giggles with reddening cheeks which literally sends flutters inside your chest. Not even once you thought Taehyung would be the one behind those thoughtful gifts. “I just want to give it to you. I hope it’s not a bother.”

“It’s not, but you shouldn’t have…” You suddenly feel guilty for not realizing it any sooner. Of course it’s him, who would be? But by the fact how bad your vague relationship ended nearly a year ago, it’s hard to imagine him being the one sending those.

“I want to! Don’t be like that, you know I’d do anything for you.”

Abruptly the sound of chair feet against the floor is heard as Jungkook stands up. He looks at you with an undeciphered smile, yet you literally can’t even look him straight in the eyes. God, you don’t want everything to be like this in the first place. “Let’s go, Y/N. I’m done.”

“Good. You should go, the traffic can be bad.” Taehyung nods in understanding, insensitive to Jungkook’s killing aura that you literally are on the edge of. He quickly walks out of the room without even a goodbye, and you nervously look back at Taehyung again.

“Taehyung, I’ll go now.”

In a blink, you find Taehyung is now hugging you closely inside his arms. It doesn’t last long though—and you literally don’t know what to feel about that. Your feelings are too complicated.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Be safe.”

You hum and directly walk out, not even seeing Jungkook right on the door. Slightly panicked, You walk outside to the elevator and he is there, hands buried in his pocket, his jaw clenched and eyes that literally screams fire. Everything literally makes you dizzy.

God, you don’t really know how you’d make it a few hours being with him...

And fuck were you right, because after thirty minutes settling inside his car on the way to Seoul, there’s no sound beside the radio between the two of you. The air was so tense like you can slice it and choke it down your throat, and probably it would be better rather than having to face Jungkook’s expected silence at you.

“Jungkook, it’s been half an hour. Are you going to ignore me like this?”

Jungkook sighs, but still not sparing you even a glance. “What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to talk to me.”

“Then talk. No one is stopping you.” He irks.

“But I want to talk to you without that scary face you are having right now.”

“Y/N, I don’t want to be like this. Please let me be angry in peace.” He finally looks at you with a hint of sadness on his eyes. “I don’t want to say anything I’d regret.”

Another five minutes of silence until you decide to speak out your mind. “Do you want to know what happened with me and Taehyung?” You carefully ask, he looks at you and lets out a sarcastic laugh.

“Why do you think I want to know that?”

At the bluntness, you feel completely ashamed of yourself for thinking and assuming way beyond you should. You duck your head in shame. “Sorry.”

Jungkook then realizes he has been too far with his angry game, and instantly reaches out to you in regret. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean that.”

But it’s too late because you are already crying and you don’t even know why. You’re usually not this much of a crybaby. “Fuck, you are really that self centered, you know? How can you say that? Is it too wrong for me to assume that whatever the fuck you are angry about is because of me and Taehyung?”

Jungkook locks his hand with you, and even if you are struggling to let your hands go, you are still too weak compared to him. “I’m sorry. I was angry at myself, Y/N. I was angry because I know you don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve my nonsensical wrath. I was too selfish, I’m sorry.”

“You are.”

“I am.”

“You fucking are.”

“I am. So please accept my apology, hmm?”

Another thirty minutes of sulking, while Jungkook doesn't even say another word and only moves to massage through your hands. You know how apologetic he was, and he probably doesn’t mean it as well. And since you know that your wrath is already dissipating, you proceed with your story, not even caring whether Jungkook wants to listen or not.

So you go through everything. Every single detail about what happened with you and Taehyung. And it would be a lie to say that it doesn’t affect Jungkook even a little bit, because seeing your gleaming eyes and your voice telling every word about your relationship with him, Jungkook knows how important he is to you, and how much of the past you have together with him written on the pages of your lives. The relationship you have with him, lasts a whole four years and even more. How can he even consider to compete with that?

And one question does bother his mind. Do you still love him?

But no. He is not taking that risk. He doesn’t want to break down now. So he lets out a statement that somehow, even with the huge consideration, still succeeds in killing all will inside his body.

“He was really special, right?” Jungkook asks as a past tense.

You look down to your lap.

“Yes, he really is.”

*

You are already settling inside your blanket, ready to drift off to sleep yet your mind is wide awake. Everything is so overwhelming lately, you don’t even know what to do with yourself. Everything about Taehyung and Jungkook is more than confusing, and you really don’t like yourself right now.

“Argh!” Just when you are kicking the blanket off your legs, suddenly a loud knock is head on your front door. Who could it be? Is it Namjoon? But you are a bit uncertain it is him, since Namjoon does not usually come home this early on a Friday night. Damn it, you really need another activity other than waiting for him to come home like a sad sexless innkeeper.

Another boom on your door and you rush to open it. “Wait!”

But instead of the face of drunk Namjoon on your door, you find Jungkook’s instead. And it could be the last person you expect to be standing in front of your door right now, with a bottle of wine and a pack of cheese.

“Jungkook, what are you doing here?”

He shyly scratches his nape. “Ah, actually I was drinking with my cousin and his girlfriend so I steered clear to give them space and went to your apartment instead. Sorry to disturb you. Were you going to sleep?”

“Was going to, but I can’t sleep.” You answer truthfully, looking back at him. Jungkook is only wearing a black t-shirt with loose pants, his hair is messily tousled yet irritatingly still looks very breathtaking to you, his lips are eye-catchingly shimmering—a habit he adopted from you to deal with dry lips. You immediately feel self-conscious about what you were, an old night dress that doesn’t really do anything except making you feel comfy to sleep.

“Can I come in?” He vigilantly asks after a few minutes of odd silence. You instinctively scoot out of his way and let him walk inside your fortress.

“Your apartment is nice.” He compliments, resting the wine and cheese on the table to walk around the apartment, through the photos and embellishment. “Very cozy. And everything here screams you.”

“Thanks. High chance that’s the reason why Namjoon is very, very vigilant about bringing women back to this apartment, I think.” You joke and giggle, even though your head is filled with anxiety of the fact that Jungkook is visiting your apartment at ten pm. The last time he visited you around this time you couldn’t walk the next morning, so… yeah, you feel entitled to be nervous.

“Let me get the glasses and bottle opener.” You stutter, abruptly walking to your compartment. You let out a few deep breaths, trying to assemble your head straight once again. Fuck, why can’t you just speak like a normal person? It’s just Jungkook for god sake, and he’ll only be here for a drink—probably to celebrate the result of your presentation this evening to the boards. And then he’ll be gone, and you’ll go to sleep. Yet you somehow doubt it.

Walking back, you find Jungkook is settled on your couch, his eyes are looking at the bottle of wine on the table, yet you know those stares are too far and empty. It’s proven with how he is startled when you soundly occupy the seat beside him.

“You okay?”

He glances at you and his lips turn into a thin curve. “I am. Sorry, I was zooming out.”

“It’s fine, but sure you're okay?”

The smile widens until it shows his extraordinary bunny teeth, his palm hovering around your arm. “I am good, but can be better after a glass of this wine. Don’t worry about me now.”

In a short while, a glass of wine is already served on your grasp, while Jungkook is busy picking songs to play on your bluetooth speaker. Right when a smooth violin sound is heard, you reluctantly open up a conversation.

“Thank you.” You lower down your gaze to your fidgeting fingers. “For everything. You literally saved my ass from even getting denounced from my position. I still can’t believe everything could be so messed up.”

“I know it must have been difficult—with Junsu now investigated for supplier fraud.” He whispers slowly. You knew that all the untally reports and data are from Junsu, and now he is being investigated for fraud. It could have been worse, since in the beginning it was you whom the board suspected—since you are the one creating the report—but as what you and Jungkook has proved after going back to plant and going through all the documentation, the lead is now on Junsu.

“Hey. You don’t need to worry. If he’s not doing it, it would be proven.” Jungkook rests his palm over yours, squeezing it a little after seeing the contorts on your face. He is able to easily read how perturbed you are right now with the fact that your teammate is indeed in trouble.

“Yes, you’re right.” You nod after taking a few deep breaths, sipping the tasteful liquid down your throat to subside your anxiety. “I’m fine. I’m fine.”

But even still, Jungkook knows it is not effectively working. You are still in possession of the habit he found whenever something deeply bothers your mind. He identified it during your presentation this evening, or the night you ran away after your parents quarreled, even the day both of you were pugnaciously fighting and ended with separation a few years ago.

“Hey.” Jungkook envelopes your quivering fingers and pulls you closer to him, hand buried in your hair. “Please don’t worry. I don’t—I feel terrible when you’re sad.”

And then it was silence. All you can feel is Jungkook’s warmth all over your body, his arm around your shoulder, your head leaning on his shoulder, while your mind is in haze, wandering far, far away. Then you broke off the silence with something that has indeed been bothering you a lot.

“I don’t know since when, but I’m getting weaker every time.”

Jungkook hum as a notion for you to continue. “They say.. They say we should be stronger as we’re getting old. But it’s not for me.” You whisper weakly, holding your fingers together to stop it from quivering. “I hate it. I hate everyday I have to wake up, walking purposelessly. I hate feeling insecure. I hate not knowing where I should go in the long run. I am living, only for the day to pass by. And it’s killing me, that whenever something comes up in my way, I feel.. I feel weak. I’d dry my tears, then spend all the time doubting why I should go through all this pain, but I don’t know any other way.”

You feel every word comes out, Jungkook’s hold around you is tighter. And you’d be crazy not to lean back your every worry to him. “Hey, I understand what you feel. And I think it is a phase in life when we need to rethink everything and start chasing things that make us happy, and let go of the things that are holding us back. Life is about the journey, not a mere destination. No need to rush in anything, hmm?”

You reluctantly nod, agreeing to what he said. What’s inside your head now is only to make lots of money that can sustain your mother’s treatment and family’s lives, and that’s about it. And you love them to death, but you know you don’t want to do this in the long run. Even the sense of accomplishment doesn’t exactly make you happy anymore, and it’s mentally tiring as fuck to be doing something you know that is extracting you from everything you used to love about life. You’re practically a zombie now, with no sense of directions.

“Have you ever felt this way before? Like.. Helpless. And no matter how you think that you should do something about it, you can’t because you’re fucking scared?”

At that, Jungkook smiles and pecks the top of your head. His heart clenched at what you just said, cause that's exactly what he felt before he did something about it. “Yes. I felt that when I was in the States. I was helpless, visionless, and… day goes by only with me taking it for granted, letting myself think that I will never change and I should just suck it in. What they say, I have a great, wealthy family and all—I should be thankful. And that’s also what my father said to me.”

“At one point, I knew I felt humiliated. All I had was given to me, I just had to the bare minimum, and boom—I got it. I knew if I just went with it yet again, I’d go crazy. My father will put me at a gunpoint for what I gained, but I was scared since I was too comfortable.”

You look up to him, feeling the urge to give him comfort somehow. You do realize how contorted Jungkook’s face is now, he is literally so upset that it makes you feel horrible. “I had a fight with my father, as he forced me to move from the small startup I built with my friends to join his partner’s company in Investment Banking. When I rejected, he took a different approach and convinced my friend to cut me off the team. I confronted my father, and it was literally the greatest fight I had with him. Then the plan I purposelessly created became true. I fled to Korea.”

“So..” You whisper, looking down and clear your throat. “Are you still in contact with them?”

“My mother, yes. My father, no.”

“You must be missing them.” You whisper low while caressing his side. “But.. is it worth it? Are you happy now?”

He grins. “It’s worth it, of course—but not yet. But I’m getting there, I think.”

“The more I think about it, being happy is non-negotiable.” You whisper, more to yourself. Before it was just a far dream, but when Jungkook is here beside you to listen, it’s already a true-hearted promise. “And when I get that chance, I will surely prioritize it. At all cost.”

Another twenty minutes of silence just enjoying each other’s warmth, Jungkook’s whine is heard. “Can’t you hug me?”

You mindlessly glance at Jungkook who is now intensely staring you back. But seeing your noticeable confusion, he rolls his eyes and puts your arm around his waist. The blush is inevitable, you are literally holding him with no distance whatsoever. If you just straighten your head, your lips will be locking into his and you’ll lose your breath that easily. Your heart is too fast for your liking, but truth to be told, you wouldn’t trade this moment with him for anything else.

“Did you remember, we literally did this.” Jungkook chuckles, stroking your hair in somehow a very affectionate way. “That time, during the party and you force me to take you in after your parent’s fight. We were back to my room, and then we just hugged it out and you told me everything that happened.”

You nod with a distant smile, remembering how you literally came crying when Jungkook was in the middle of a beer pong with his friends, but he didn’t even wait another minute in complying to your request, seeing how hysterical you were. “Yes. I remembered how after we watched Bruce Almighty. It’s freaking nuts.”

“Let’s watch it again.” He giggles after refilling the glass for wine. “For old time sakes.”

The next five minutes you are scrolling down your netflix, Jungkook is contemplating whether he should ask the question that has been bothering his mind. The alcohol on his spine did help though—it is easier to just go with what he wants to say regardless of the rationality his mind would stop him.

“So tomorrow, you’d be with Taehyung? To your mother’s house?”

Indifferently nodding, you click on the movie. “My mother has been asking a lot about him, and I just reasoned that he moved away and was busy. I don’t want to let her know we’re not… close anymore.”

“Taehyung is actually that important, huh?” Jungkook asks, staring down to his drinks. The fact predictably settles strangely inside his chest, and it is fucking suffocating that he knows he has nothing and no one to blame but himself for feeling this way. “Understandable, though. Four years—I wouldn’t say I am shocked.”

“It is a long time indeed.”  

“I hope I have someone like that too.” He stopped for a while, eyes faraway. “So at least I can tell you that I stopped thinking about you after you left.”

That statement literally freezes all your movement—to the point that you think it’s all just your drunk hallucination. “What are you talking about?”

“I never stopped… thinking about you.” He dubiously murmurs, eyes trailed down his lap. “After I broke up, I’m still thinking about us, what could have been, and… regret?”

“Regret?”

“I know this might sound creepy, but.. After you left, I tried finding your whereabouts and what you’re up to. And after knowing what you’ve been through, I felt tremendous regret for being such a jerk to us.”

Suddenly, just when you’re about to turn around as you’re desperate to see through his eyes, he clutches on you, latching on your back. “I lied when I said I loved you, because I am still in love with you, Y/N. I know it’s silly—we were only a month together, not even official—but I just can’t shake the feeling away. Especially after seeing you again, talking to you again now..”

“And if you asked my last night why I worked in your company—it’s because after arriving, I was in a phase where I don’t know what I should do. At least if I work with you, I can see you again, and apologize, but at first we were not in the best term. But even then, I was happy to see you and talk to you again.”

Then, at once, you feel the back of your shirt is soaked wet. Your heart clenched with pain and sadness at how pained Jungkook must have been all these times. “Y/N, I am very sorry…”

“You told me you’re staying! You said you’ll stay with your father, with me here.” Jungkook cried when you told him you needed to move back to Seoul with your mother after the divorce. “You said your mother is horrible, Y/N. You are not doing this for yourself. You can’t leave.”

“Fuck, don’t act like you care about me now, Jungkook. You know, I was always wondering why you suddenly introduced yourself that night, but it’s because of Alex, right? Because I rejected him—and you wanted to check for yourself!”

Jungkook slammed the table in front of him that made you flinch. “Don’t you dare to change the topic. You’ll leave your father, your life here and me, because of your horrible mother that always made you cry, feel alone and horrible. Why are you so naive, Y/N?!”

You were already crying by then, the frustration built up in your chest. You knew the reason was already on the tip of your tongue—your mother is terribly sick and needed you the most—but you couldn’t let it out. Jungkook didn’t deserve to know. “Don’t act like you know me. One month fucking and you already think you can read me like a book? Grow up.”

“One month.. Fucking?” Jungkook weakly whispered, the tears were building up on the corner of his eyes. “Fine. I don’t fucking care about you. Fuck off to wherever, I don’t care.”

“Sure. You only cared about me because of a fucking bet anyway, right?!” You cried, the grief and constant fear of the end approaching, when Jungkook walked away.

It was the end.

The memory of your separation with Jungkook flashes inside your mind like it was just yesterday. You remember every word, every feeling, every tear spent that day. You couldn’t even count how many times you wished everything was different.

Jungkook is crying on your back, and you force to turn and see him right through his eyes. “Apology accepted, Jungkook. I was at fault too. I should’ve been clearer. I should’ve said it better. I am sorry too..”

You wipe his tears with your two palms and hug him, your chest against his, your arm around his waist. “Please don’t cry, hmm?”

Another seconds of light sniffles until he opens his voice. “You know, this is better than what I expected. With how many years has passed in guilt, I could’ve been puking with tears.” He lightly jokes and you giggle. Fuck, how is he so cute now?

“By the way, just in case you forgot—I just said I love you. It still stands.” Jungkook thinly smiles, his fingers fixing the strands of your hair falling in front of your eyes. Your heart is beating unhealthily fast now. “I don’t need you to answer now, of course. I just… I just want you to know.”

“I know.” You whisper softly, leaning into your will to tiptoe and press your lips against his. Jungkook instinctively closes his eyes, feeling the wondrous taste of cherry chapstick and wine from your lips. The feeling is addictive and wondrous that he seriously thinks he is hallucinating right now.

You are about to release the kiss, when his firm palm secures on your back, pressing your waist against his, his lips are chasing yours to engage in another breath-taking kiss. You welcome it at once, arms settling around his neck. “Tell me if you want to stop.” He murmurs into the kiss, but you’re way into cloud nine to stop. You’d be insane to let him go now.

His palm travels south to grab the flesh off your ass and pushes his hips closer to yours—if it’s even possible. You can make out the hard-on he has nurtured for a while now, and instantly suck your breath. “You can feel it, babe? It’s because of you—being such a minx tonight. Are you really going to keep on teasing me like this?”

You grin, feeling the adrenaline rush with the realization that you have Jungkook here, beside you, whispering you all these dirty words to your ear. You shift to press butterfly kisses to his neck all the way to his collarbones—encouraged by the bemoan he is letting out, intending to suck marks on his sun kissed skin until he gruffly pushes you away.

“Who gave you rights to mark me now, huh kitten?” He throatily purrs, swiftly scooping you into his arms, both your legs are crutched around his waist with his painful erection knocking on your clothed entrance. You spend no more second to entangle your lips with his again, his tongue gladly seeking warmth from yours—and god, he feels amazingly sweet, the taste of wine vivid on your taste bud. Fuck, he seriously can’t drive you crazier than this.

“Don’t want Namjoon to see my dry cum on your sofa, right babe?” Jungkook hoarsely wheezes, and those words literally screws all leftover sanity inside of you. Fuck, you missed this so much. Drowned in lust and desperate for friction, you find yourself continuously rubbing your core to his erection, until he paces you for himself. “Stop. I didn’t bring extra pants with me, babe—don’t wanna go home with pants wet with cum now.”

Jungkook hurriedly pushes your bedroom doors and throws you away on bed. “Y/N. Tell me to stop now, or I’ll never get a grip until I can finally have you.”

Instead of giving an answer, you inch closer until your fingers are in contact with his pants’ band. “You need help with that?” You brave yourself to whisper, gazing innocently right to his lust-darken eyes.

“Fuck, you’ll be the death of me.” He gratefully bemoans, as your finger moves to detached his pants and boxer to the ground—his erection immediately springs like never before. It is such a pretty, thick and long dick that your saliva literally pools. You instantly get on your knees, closing with eagerness to have a taste until he stops your advancement by pushing you to the bed.

“Not today, kitten. Maybe tomorrow—I need to have you now or I’ll go nuts.”

You pout, stubbornly moving to give a good caress on the length, satisfied with how Jungkook’s pupil immediately dilates at your ministry. “Are you sure, baby? I can do anything for you, though. My throat is ready for you to choke on.”

“Stop it. I want to be inside you now.” He hastily howls, so close to creaming your palm now that he needs to stop you. Jungkook’s mind is on cloud nine with your warm fingers around his girth, but he realizes he needs to have his dick pushed inside your cunt now, not even your hand or mouth can make it up. “Take off that fucking dress.” He orders.

“Yes, anything for you, sir.” You literally do not know what kind of courage is seeping through your vein, but seeing how affected he is literally made you ecstatic to tease him more. You briskly moves the satin night dress to your head and throws it across the room, baring all your lower body area.

“No underwear? Fuck, kitten, you better not act this carelessly when your roommate is here.” Jungkook breathily irks, enjoying the view of your almost naked body against him, yet spends no more second to detach your bra until your breasts are dangling freely. He immediately sucks a breath at the amazing sight.

“You are so fucking beautiful.” Jungkook throatily whispers, more to himself before he engulfs both your breasts with his palm. He moves to pinch your hardened pebbles, feeling high with your moans that is literally a green light inside his mind that you are indeed enjoying his act. He swiftly buries your right nipple inside his mouth, giving it a light suck, flicking it with his skillful tongue which turns you to a moaning mess. You close your eyes, feeling the tension inside your body build up while cradling his face closer to you, your fingers pulling the hair on his scalp. You do not even realize his left hand has left your breast, now moving to circle your bare clit, and you instantly mewl in pleasure.

“What are you so wet for, kitten? Tell me.” He breathily hisses, moving to coat his two fingers with your remnants, dips it inside his mouth and licks it dry. Your pupil dilates at such a dirty act, but still Jungkook is unhappy with your lack of response, he hits your throbbing cunt. “Use your fucking tongue to answer.”

You instantly mewl to reply, albeit stuttering when you feel his forefinger finally buries inside of you. “Of course you, sir. I am wet because of you.”

Jungkook grins in satisfaction, before he wastes no mercy and buries three fingers inside you, stretching you deliciously until you whimper in satisfaction. “So freaking wet, I bet I can slide right in. Are you going to let anyone do this to you, kitten? Hmm?”

“No, sir...” You groggily answer, your head is soaked in all kinds of lust.

“Louder! Let your fucking neighbors hear it.” Jungkook growls, pushing his digits further inside until you claw on his clothed shoulder. Fuck him for still being in his shirt—you’d do anything to mark him now.

“No, sir. Only you can make me like this…”

He sinisterly laughs, pleased with your easy compliance. “You better not be lying, kitten. Don’t you let anyone do this to you, especially fucking Kim Taehyung.”

Your eyebrows immediately scrunched at the name, but it could probably be the last thing you can contemplate now that his fingers are still beautifully moving in and out of your wet cunt. “I will, I fucking will. But get this fucking shirt off and fuck me, sir—I need to feel you bare against me.”

As he is about to enter you, he suddenly freezes. “Do you have a condom here?” He breathily asks, realize that he did not take even one with him—as fucking you was literally the last possibility he could think of before. God, does he really need to stop now?

“I don’t have a condom—but I am on the pill and safe, I swear.” You whisper, the ache on your core starting to cloud your head and better judgement. Fuck, Jungkook better be fast or you’ll be dead by then.

“Me too. I tested myself back in the States, and haven’t been sleeping with anyone since.”

“Really? How can?” You unconsciously ask, seriously flabbergasted with the fact that Jungkook hasn't fucked anyone after he moved into the city. The Jungkook you knew was so much of a god of stamina—he literally lasted five rounds with you before and still managed to have an erection after, when you can’t even feel your legs. He is that crazy for sex.

“Fuck, Y/N, I’ll tell you all about it later, but I need to fuck you raw now or I’ll go insane.” He hurriedly answers, instantly throws his shirt away as his whole body is bare against yours. Jungkook reaches for his dick, as his fingers move to give it a few strokes. He is now coating it with your remnants by hitting your entrance lightly with his dick. Even with such action you are already a moaning mess, as you bit your lips in anticipation.

Yet when the head is about to dip inside you, you reach for the bed sheet, clenching the fabric harshly. You haven’t been sleeping around for months now, you’re sure it’s going to hurt a bit—especially with that excessive size of his.

“How are you so freaking big? Fuck, don’t go too rough on me, Jungkook..” You softly  whisper, and Jungkook instantly nods. No matter how crazy and a true dom he is, he would not hurt or go against your consent—that’s just how much he loves and respects you.

Even with the heavy urge to fuck you senseless like he wants to, he surely takes his whole joyful time in making love. His length pushing inside you, stretching you wondrously that the pain turns into pleasure in no time. You let out a breathy moan when he flicks your nipple to keep you on the edge. “Damn, you are wonderful. I can’t believe I was able to live those years without this taste.”

“Fuck, Jungkook.” You moan, biting your lips as you nearly can’t hold yourself from screaming. How can sex with Jungkook be this mindblowing? You had one night stands previously with other person, but sex with him is like on another level—that’s probably what feelings can do to sex. “Faster, now. Don’t hesitate.”

At the invitation, the worries that he’s going to hurt you dissolve as he fastens and follow his own pace, his dick fucking you senseless with ragged breath. God, how he wishes he can do this every second of the day, buried inside you, looking at your pleasured face drowned in lust and pleasure, your beautiful moans and fingers scratching his back. He’d trade anything to have you like this again.

“Fuck, kitten, how are you so tight? I am fucking close.” Jungkook groans as he chases his high, sensing your walls are now clenching him tightly. He inches closer to engage you in another kiss, his tongue pushing inside you while his digits are circling your clit. You claw his back, letting out all sound with no holds back as the pleasures are too much now—the orgasm building up inside you, and Jungkook definitely can sense it coming. “Cum now, kitten.”

While Jungkook and you are still engaged in another heated kiss, your high finally comes as you cum on his dick. “Good girl.” He whispers with one last kiss before he chases his own, and not even another second he pulls out, squirting his cum all over your stomach.

You frown, looking at the liquid on your stomach. “Damn it, you should’ve cum inside me. I’m on the pill anyway.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes at your remarks, yet he is grinning from ear to ear. He lays beside you, engaging you in another soft, slow kiss as you close your eyes, your palms settled on the side of his face. “I love you.” He whispers after letting go, his beautiful doe eyes literally shining with the creases that is apparent whenever he is smiling wide. It seeps warmth to your heart.

The reply for his confession is already at your tongue, but Jungkook quickly scoots away to stand on the floor. You bit your lips, disliking the fact that he is too far from your reach, no matter how fast he’ll be back. You need him here, to ensure that everything is not just a wet dream of yours. “Come back, don’t leave me.” You whine, and Jungkook giggles breathily.

“Let’s get you all cleaned up, clingy McGee. I’ll get you a wet towel.”

Another minute and Jungkook is back with what he promised, as he closes beside you and wipes his own cum off your stomach.

“What a waste. You should’ve cum in my tongue and let me swallow it all.” You mutter half joking half seriously while yawning, as your eyes follow his every movement. He sends you a warning glare, unhappy with your constant teasing.

“If you don’t want me to pin you against the matters now and fuck you against the wall until you’re screaming for mercy, stop it.”

“Geez, sooo grumpy.” You giggle, scooting closer to him as in chase of heat after he settles beside you, draping the blanket to cover both your bodies.

“I’ll take you up on that tomorrow, though.” He lightly giggles, and you’re the one now rolling your eyes on him. He envelopes you around his arm, pressing another kiss on your forehead before caressing your head to sleep—just the way he remembers would instantly send you to slumber.

But no matter how tired you already are, your body are still high on adrenaline due to the great sex you just had—you just cant seems to sleep. Not when Jungkook is here holding you close, looking at you like that with evident love in his eyes. And suddenly an idea pops inside your head, until you smirk in mischief.

“Why are you smiling like that? I told you to sleep.” He asks cautiously. You shrug to pretend innocence, before scooting closer until your bare waist is glued on his own, slightly rubbing it against his semi-hard dick. Wow, the self control on this guy is impressive for not initiating a second round.

Jungkook immediately curses at your teasing, yet the pleasure in his face is unmissed. “Fuck, what are you—“

“I’m sweating, Jungkook. I want to take a shower.” You whine seductively, your fingers stray to the lower parts of his body now, caressing his semi. Jungkook’s eyes are now unmistakably dark, as you realize that you might just awaken the true dom in Jungkook.

“I was literally being civil since you got to go back home with fucking Taehyung tomorrow, but damn—I’ll fuck you so bad anyone know who fucked you tonight, huh? I’ll make sure you can’t walk straight tomorrow, kitten.” He smirks, and that literally sends jitters right to your core in deep anticipation. You missed it—the feeling of Jungkook mercilessly fucking you like there’s no tomorrow.

Jungkook instantly scoops you out of bed in one movement, the blanket falls on the floor.   Your legs are linked around his waist, your throbbing entrance pressed against his erection as you rub it for relief. His mouth aggressively attacking yours for domination, as his firm legs walk towards your shower.

“Let’s get my kitten thoroughly cleaned, okay?” Jungkook teasingly moans to your ear, his thumbs are now pinching your hardened nipples. Your whole body shivers.

Thus begin the best sex you ever have in your whole life.

*

You wake up groggily with the sunshine seeping through your window. What happened with you, why are you feeling the biting pain all over your body? The memory of last night instantly hits you like an explosion.

You had sex with Jungkook—which lasted three freaking rounds.

And fuck wasn’t he holding back. He literally was just like you remembered, a true dom that sent your knees weak, pleasuring you like nobody could. He took care of your body like it's the only thing on his mind—and you would be lying if you say you didn’t enjoy his true dom self released, marking you all over your body with love bites, forcing you to plead for his mercy and leaving you breathless nearly all the time.

But he is not here now.

You gaze to the cold side of your bed where Jungkook slept last night. It must be long since he left, only with a small note on your bedside that ensures you that what happened last night isn’t just a mere dream.

Hi, thanks for last night. I had to leave, something urgent came up. See you around.

Fuck, if that wasn’t such a lousy note to start the day with. Such a fool you are to expect the sex matters to you as much as it is to him.

Regardless of the ticked off feeling you had for Jungkook, you scoot off your bed, trying to use both your throbbing legs to stand up. The pain instantly shoots up that you instantly bite your lips, limping your way out of the door. Fuck Jungkook, you loathe that fucker so much now.

“Whoa whoa—slow down babe.” Namjoon instantly shouts after you’re carelessly limping out of the door closer to him. “Someone got a good dicked down yesterday.” He teases, and you sent him an annoyed expression.

“Why are you so grumpy? You finally had sex after months, you should be glowing.” Namjoon giggles while stirring his coffee. You flip him off, settling to sit on the sofa. “You want some coffee?”

“Yes, thank you.” You mutter. “What time did you come back home?”

“Around two, maybe? Wasn’t really in my best state of mind, so that could be wrong too. What’s up?”

He walks closer to you, offering a cup of coffee with scent that succeeds in relaxing your mind a bit. “I did not meet the guy, you don’t have to worry. Who was it anyway? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Around two? He left before two? “Did you check up on me when you come?” You ask dubiously, knowing Namjoon has always checked up on you when he arrives in the apartment.

“Yes, there was no one. I saw you sleeping, and went to my room right after.”

“Fuck—he really left that early?!” You hiss, not liking the fact that he left you just later after you sleep with such a lousy note that clearly indicates nothing—he probably uses the same note for all his previous one night stands.

“But.. You know, it could be weird for strangers to stay the night after sex—“

“But he’s not a stranger.” You vengefully replied, the hurt evident in your tone. “It’s Jungkook. Jungkook slept with me yesterday and fled right after with a fucking lousy ‘thanks for last night’ note.”

“Jungkook? Jeon Jungkook?” He asks with goggling eyes. He seriously thought he misheard your words. “But you hated him.”

“It was complicated. We.. We had a past together. And these few days just rekindled those feelings, and.. I thought he was really serious about it.” You whispers, the tears are welling in the corner of your eyes. “I tried thinking positively, that he really had something to do, but he left so quickly and also with this note.. got me thinking. Was it too fast? What if everything is just in my head, and he’s only after sex?”

Namjoon looks at the yellow note on your grasp, taking it to read the messy handwriting for himself. Yet no matter how hard he thinks about it, he understands your doubt. It was indeed a messy, hurried note that he indeed heard people often leave their one night stand.

“It’s still uncertain. Just talk to him, okay?” Namjoon asks, his palm resting on your knees and giving it a light squeeze. “There might be something you don’t know yet.”

You sigh, crumpling the note and throwing it carelessly. “I fucking hate him.”

“Hey, by the way you left your phone here, and Taehyung called this morning.” He informs, but you know that expression he wears—something is troubling his mind.

“What is that face?” You instantly point. “You always use that expression when you have something to say.”

“You know me so well.” Namjoon grins, eyes trained on the coffee on his grasp. “I had a drink with Taehyung and others yesterday. And yeah, after the drink, I just think that he.. He might be still in love with you.”

“What do you mean?” Your eyebrows scrunched, severely confused.

“That’s all I can say. If you want to know, better ask the man himself. You’re meeting him soon, right?” Namjoon reminds you, and you abruptly stand up—still holding back the pain, after being reminded that Taehyung shall be here in no time.

“And, Y/N?”

You halt your steps, looking back to the guy. “What?”

“Just.. don’t hesitate. Go with your heart.” Namjoon advises. Your throat constricts. Follow your heart? You don’t even understand what that idiot wants. Your heart is a drunk fool, doesn’t really know what’s good for itself, and always foolishly seeks something that is not going to happen. Why should you go with it?

He is apparently not done, and clears his throat and points to his own neck. “And maybe, put some concealer on? Don’t want your mother to have a heart attack seeing those marks on your neck.”

And that’s how in forty minutes, you ended up wearing navy green turtleneck and long skinny jeans—thankfully the chilly weather does support your outfits—descending your apartment building after Taehyung said he’s already parked in front. You were distinctly nervous, going back to your family home with Taehyung after the longest time. Just being around him sends you on your edge, and you could only wish nothing is going to mess everything up.

The first thing you see when the elevator is opened is Taehyung’s face that you abruptly take a step back in shock. His face immediately lightens up. “Good morning. You’re here.”

“Yes. I thought I’ll see you in your car?”

“Sure, I just thought it would be great to see your apartment.” Taehyung answers, a soft smile appearing on his lips. Namjoon’s sentences instantly pass through your head as a warning. You clear your throat.

“Namjoon is upstairs, though...”

“So? Is that a problem for me to see your apartment?” He mischievously teases, pulling you to exit the apartment. “What were you thinking, huh?”

“Nothing!” You abruptly answer, silently letting Taehyung hold your palm against his, no matter how conflicted it makes you feel.

“By the way, are you okay, babe?” Taehyung asks in concern after arriving at the car, reminding you to put on your seatbelt. Your eyebrow raises.

“I think so. Why?”

“Did you fall or anything? You are..  Kind of limping.” He questions in deep concern, looking straight to your eyes. At once, your breath hastens with anxiety. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes! Of course—I fell in the shower yesterday, and got hurt a bit, yeah..” You tightly mutter. At least it was not a hundred person lie.

Gosh, how you wish you can punch that annoying motherfucker now…

*

“Taehyung! You’re here!”

You glare at your beaming mother slightly skipping to welcome both of you from her tended yard, crushing Taehyung in a big hug. “Mom, I’m right here too. And last time I checked, I’m the one who is related by blood to you.”

“Don’t be such a party pooper, Y/N.” Taehyung giggles, affectionately hugging back your mother. “I’m sorry mom, Y/N is soooo grumpy this morning. She may have woken up on the wrong side of the bed.”

“It’s just I haven’t seen you in so long. How is my precious son doing?!” Your mother beams, instantly welcoming Taehyung inside the house, leaving you alone to pick up the fruits and cake you brought from Seoul. But not even long, the scowl changes into a contented smile on your lips.

You are grateful that nothing really changes, especially with Taehyung. He is still the one person you can depend the most in this whole world.

Suddenly, among your wandering thoughts your phone rings. You hurriedly pick up, not even checking the caller. “Hello?”

“Hi, is this Y/N?” You notice the change of language, and silently checks the number. Abroad numbers? Suspicious.

“Yes, this is she.” You doubtfully answer.

“Hello, This is Jess. I’m here in Seoul today, can we meet?”

Jess? Who is Jess? You can’t literally remember anyone called Jess beside… your friend back in the States. You were not even remotely close, so there’s no way it could be her.

“Sorry, but which Jess?”

She instantly clears her throat, probably embarrassed at the possibility of you not remembering. “We went to the same high school back in the States, before your parents divorced and you moved to Korea.”

So that’s the correct Jess then. But that still doesn’t explain why she is calling you right now, especially with that unnecessary mention of your parent’s divorce. “Ah, I remember now. But why? Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Yes, I am in Seoul now. I have to talk to you about something, I promise it won’t take a while.”

“But why? We haven’t talked in years, what could possibly be the reason why we should meet?” You annoyedly point out, not even caring that you have turned hostile to her. You really don’t want to waste any time, especially with Taehyung now at the door, signing you to come in.

“It’s about Jungkook.” She curtly answers, and your heart literally skips a beat at the name. What’s with Jungkook? Your heart clenches with the fear rising in your chest.

“His family and I are here now to take him back to the States, so I have to let you know something. Let’s meet.”

*

It is not long until you and Jess are already sitting in front of each other inside a cafe near your family home. You left Taehyung at home with your family, and promised them you’ll be back in no time.

“You want to order something? My treat.” The girl says after ordering her drinks. You shake your head, not even enjoying the seconds uselessy passed with her. You are just desperate to get it over with and head home.

She shakes her head. “I didn’t remember you being this uptight, Y/N. Loosen up, will you?”

“Well, you don’t know, probably because we weren’t even that close?” You shoot and sigh. “Can we just go straight to the point? My mother is waiting at home.”

Jess hums. “And Kim Taehyung too?”

You glare at her, the uneasiness rising in your head. You have no idea why she should know anything about Taehyung. “What the—”

“I’ll cut to the chase. Jungkook is his family’s only son. His father already had his future all planned out, but then one day he ran away to work in a country far away, with a job that probably pays a quarter from what he could have back home.” She halts after the waitress serves her drinks. “And then we finds out that he is here because of you, a fucking ex—who was just a mere fuck buddies. So we need you to think straight and stop seeing him.”

You stare at her for a full minute until you break in laughter. “What’s funny?” She irks.

“Fuck, this is all just like a midday telenovela, that’s what.” You giggle, still finding mirth in her previous statement. You clear your throat, and send her an not amused look. “Let me fill you in. I don’t fucking care. He’s here because himself, you’re thinking too highly of that one month we fucked. And who are you to say that anyway? You’re his mother or what?”

Jess condescendingly smirks in triumph. “I am his girlfriend. We have been dating all through college before he moved here. I have all right to tell cockroaches like you to scoot off. Besides, you already have Kim, no? Are you really that thirsty for lots of men?”

That statement literally catches you off guard. Girlfriend? Jungkook never mentions anything about a girlfriend. He literally said that he hadn’t been with anyone and that he thought about you most of the time. Was it all… just a lie?

It was like a knock to your chest, but you won’t let it show. “Then you should know better that if you dated all through college, there is no way he could move here because of me.” You calmly explain, the anger and sadness of betrayal building up in your chest. It feels hard to even breathe, and you feel so stupid for believing his words could be true—now that you rewind literally made no sense whatsoever. Jungkook is not with anyone for years, only because of you? Fuck, that’s literally nonsensical.

“And if you’re his girlfriend, you should know he’s here because he is depressed—feeling the inadequacy and constant restriction in doing whatever he wants to do. If you’re his girlfriend, you should support whatever he wants to do for his happiness, instead of teaming up with his father that literally treated him like a fucking robot.” You spit out in dismay, the tears are welling up in your eyes. You hated the fact that you’ve foolishly put your trust on someone undeserving, yet again.

It’s clear now that you have left the girl speechless, and you quickly stomp out of the cafe inside of Taehyung’s car you borrowed. You quickly drive out, with tears freely running on your cheeks, your heart turns hollow and vacant now that you know.

You are a fucking idiot, that’s what.

*

It’s already eleven pm, you are now resting in your room in the family home. Your mother successfully tricked you into staying the night, but Taehyung said he needed to go back to his apartment because he doesn’t have any shirt to change to—denying your mother’s forward offer to let him stay the night with you in your room. The level of trust your mother has in Taehyung is seriously ridiculous—but still he said he’ll be back tomorrow morning to pick you up, as he needed to work in the headquarters for a full week next week.

‘Are you okay?’ Taehyung queried when he was about to drive back, hand clasped against yours. ‘You seemed a little bit upset after that meeting.’

Even then, you could only answer him with a vague shrug, a hug and you cried. Taehyung didn’t ask any further, patting your back calmly while whispering calming words to your ear. He understood you need your space more than anything, and you were thankful.

But now, flipping on your bed for hours hasn’t drifted you to dreamland yet, especially with a head filled with Jungkook and overwhelming queries on how he’s doing right now. And you hate yourself for still caring—it’s freaking Jungkook, who left you after he had enough, who easily lied to you just to sleep with you. Why can’t you just ditch him like that?

Maybe you’re really in love. A total dumbass.

Suddenly, your phone rings. Unknown numbers. Call with Jess did traumatize you, but not taking it will leave you close to no wink of sleep, so you do.

“Hello?” You warily questions. There are around ten seconds before the familiar sigh is heard on the other side of the call.

“Y/N, this is Jungkook.” The familiar voice is close to whispers, and all you can hear is how tired he sounds. Something definitely stirs inside of you. “Are you in your mother’s home? I’ll be there in ten. Can we talk?”

You know it. You know it very, very well. He might as well done it over the phone—it may hurt less. “Is it urgent? Can’t.. can’t we just do it over the phone?”

“No, we need to talk directly. It doesn’t feel right doing it on the phone.”

Fuck, it’s really is. Jungkook is breaking up with you—with no relationships to begin with. The tears are clamming up on your eyes, and you can only hope you’re strong enough to pretend everything’s okay. Cause you hate to show him how weak you are for him.

And not even ten minutes, Jungkook messages you he’s already waiting outside. You walk outside your room to see that your whole house is already dark—your family must have gone to sleep. Good, so they don’t have to see you bawling your eyes out.

When you are at your porch, you can already make out his silhouette from the car. His hand is on the wheel, other hands are resting on his temples—the lines of his face are harsh and cold. Taking a deep breath, you give yourself one last warning and enter his car.

“What is it?” You curtly ask, and Jungkook looks at you with a weirded out stare.

“Why are you angry?”

You roll your eyes, arms folded on your chest. “Because I know clearly why you are here. Jess explicitly told me about everything—you don’t need to waste both of our times, going all the way here just because you want to break up with me. That too if anything of what we did was more than something to you.”

Jungkook stares at you like you’re spluttering nonsense, which you actually are and it leaves you disconcerted. “What—what the fuck are you saying now?”

You scowl. “No need to lie. I know exactly what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna need to move back, right? And you’ll leave your whole life here—” The tears choke you up. “You’ll leave me here. But let me say it, do whatever, Jungkook. It will be just like before, right? It’s not like we've never done this before.”

If you’re really doing it to hurt him, you succeed. Because the pain is literally insufferable.  “Is that what we mean to you? Are you going to just let everything like this like not a shit happened to us?”

“You’re funny, Jungkook. There’s never been an ‘us’, you know it.” You vex with a sarcastic grin. “There’s never been us. Because you lied to me, fuck me and stood me up like nothing happened, right?”

“That’s not true.” He firmly said. “I left first because of my father, Y/N. He told me he’s in town. I need to meet him, why can’t you understand?!”

“I know that! But you expected me to believe all you said when Jess literally came all the way from the States to tell me to fuck off and that you’re in a relationship with her all through college.” Jungkook freezes on his spot, but you’re not done. “Is that wrong, Jungkook? Tell me she lied and I’ll grovel at your feet for forgiveness.”

At Jungkook’s silence, you can feel a stingy pang inside your chest. It was true, he lied. “So she was right? You lied to me—telling me there was no one, only to sleep with me?”

“It’s not true, Y/N. Jess was just… someone I affiliated with. We were not in a relationship.” He hurriedly tries to explain, hand scratching his hair in frustration. “And why does it matter anyway? It’s all in the past, it doesn’t matter now. I only care about you, you know it.”

“It matters! Because you told me there was no one. Because you lied to me, Jungkook. Why can’t you see how wrong it is?”

“She was just someone I fucked with all through college. Even if she thought there was something else, there was none. I set it straight to her, but she never understands.” He softly whispers now. “I regretted it, Y/N. But you can’t hold it against me. I had no feelings for her.”

You know his words should’ve brought reassurance, but the words clearly strike something inside you—a remembrance of pain. You croak. “You know what, that’s exactly what Taehyung told me that time.”

“What-what’s that fucker doing here in our talk?” His voice raises in displease at your mention of another man during your serious talk. “So was everything about Taehyung? All of this—even when we’re fighting, you’re thinking about him. It was all about him all along.”

“No, but the exact thing happened again. You were being dishonest to me. You hurt me, Jungkook.” You whisper softly, cheeks already flowing with tears that it literally throws him off at how fragile you look. “I can’t… I can’t shake that feeling. How I felt when she said everything, like she owned you, like… like she has rights for you. Like I was someone you played with behind her. It was exactly.. that.”

“Hey, I’m sorry you had to feel that way.” Jungkook whispers and pulls you closer inside his arm, heart clenched in guilt at your weak sob. He hates himself for doing that to you—to let you enter the maze of problems he has tried to escape from a while now. You don’t deserve that. “I’m sorry for being such a jerk. I know I should’ve been clearer about everything.”

Ten minutes of crying your concern and heart out inside his arms before you open your voice. “So, she was right? Are you leaving, then?”

He dubiously hums. “I have to, otherwise my father will never stop trying to get me back. I’ll try finishing whatever I can there, and come back right after.” He whispers, palms buried on your hair. “I promise it won’t take long. Can you wait for me?”

You look at Jungkook's hopeful eyes and the ‘yes’ is already at your tongue—when something awakens you. You cannot do that to yourself. You cannot let yourself be miserable, waiting for him again like a broken clock. You cannot gamble your way to mend everything when he leaves, not when there’s any possibility like he’ll leave you again like he did. You’re not that strong.

“I can’t.” You shortly reply, and at the unexpected answer, Jungkook is visibly aggrieved.

“Why? Why can’t you? I’ll be back soon, Y/N—Why do you give up on us that easily?” Jungkook is peeved at your easy surrender. He loves you, he is willing to work it out for you, and it weakens him to see you’re not on board to fight for any feelings you both have for each other. “I know you, Y/N. I know me. We had something together. Please, don’t give up on us.”

“I can’t, because I don’t want to let you hurt me again, Jungkook. Happy?” You shouts, carrying the long pain you have carried throughout your days. “I hate myself for letting myself trust and ending up getting hurt. If I wait for you, I’ll always feel insecure, Jungkook. I’ll always wonder if you’re going back, if you have found someone else, if we’re just going to hurt each other. Because that's what people did to me—to my mother, to us… I can’t.”

Jungkook shudders at the mention of your family. Did he hear it wrong? “Did you mean… your father? But I thought… I thought—”

“Yes.” The hurt multiplies, palpable on your face. “My father lied to me. He is a manipulative jerk who never gave a shit about his family, and made my mother the bad guy in front of me. He didn’t care at all—my mother was struggling with cancer and he didn’t give a shit and still went with the divorce. I just knew after my mother went to find me, beg me to come with her after the divorce.”

The regret at his old self, patronizing you without knowing the truth hits him like a brick. “God, Y/N, I’m sorry. I was—”

“I know. It was such a stressful time, and the pain my mother had to endure because of him—I hated him so much I could die, Jungkook. He hurt me, he hurt us. And he is now living well with his new family, the one he cheated with before. It is not fucking fair.”

Jungkook moves forward to hold you close, his heart wrenching in pain to imagine how agonizing it must have been for you and your mother. “I’m sorry for everything. I was a stupid jerk who thought I knew everything, you had every rights to hate me. I am very, very sorry, Y/N.”

“That’s why I have trust issues. I know very well that one bad apple doesn’t define everything, but it made me more cautious above anything. I can’t afford being weak now, I can’t gamble on the future whether what we had now is gonna last. I don’t want to be naive.”

No matter how he wants to refute your words, he can’t. Because Jungkook understands where you’re coming from, and how traumatizing it must have been. He’d be insensitive to shrug your concern away. “I understand. But I won’t ask for more, Y/N..”

“I’ll be back before December ends.” Jungkook determinedly claims, holding you closer that his nose point is touching yours, warm palms against the side of your face which sends your whole being to instant chaos. His eyes are like a deep sea, that you’re willing to fall in and never out, and all you want to do is hold him close, kiss him and never let go.

“And when we finally meet, I’ll let you know that I will still be loving you then and I’m going to fight for us. No matter what happened.”

*

After having breakfast with both your mother, grandma and Taehyung, you hug the goodbyes. You regret it though, the days passed so quickly and you don’t really have much time to completely be in the moment with your family since your mind is wandering far. If your mother knows, she doesn’t comment—but you know that soft gaze she endows, she is worried for you.

“Goodbye, son! Do visit us regularly, okay?” Your mother beams, hugging Taehyung. She glances at you walking to your room to grab your purse and continues. “I’m very worried for her. Can you please make sure she’s okay?”

“What happened?” Taehyung asks in concern. He did notice something changed after you met your friend yesterday, but it’s definitely getting prominent this morning. 

“Someone came to our house yesterday, and spent some time in the car. After, she walks out crying.” Your mother frets, squeezing Taehyung’s palm. “I’m worried. Can you keep an eye on her?”

“Of course I will.” Taehyung smiles in a comforting manner, tapping on your mother’s palm. “You can count on me, mom.”

Your mother instantly smiles, as she understands by heart she really can count on Taehyung for you. “Thank you. Get going now!” She gestures to walk you out to Taehyung’s car.

Sitting inside the car, your eyes are trained out the window, minds wandering far to last night’s encounter with Jungkook. He said he’ll be back, and you shouldn’t believe him—you told him you won’t, but deep inside you never stopped wishing his words are true. You foolishly believe him with all your heart.

“Hey.”

Taehyung’s call abruptly takes you off your wandering thoughts, shifting your gaze at him. You clear your throat. “Yes? Sorry, I was daydreaming for a while there.”

“I think you’ve been daydreaming all the time we’re here.”

He said the words softly and didn’t mean anything, yet it instantly hits you with guilt. “I’m sorry, I was—”

“Was it about Jungkook?”

“What?” Your eyes widened, heart literally skips a beat. Are you really that obvious?

Taehyung stares at you for a few seconds, then focusing back on the street. “It’s just a lucky guess. And seeing how shocked you were just now, it must be true.”

“It is.” You look down to your lap. “I’m sorry for concerning you.”

“What are you sorry about.” Taehyung chuckles, tapping the top of your head. “He is finally here. The one you’ve been thinking about all through college, your first love, your first heartbreak is here. You should be happy.”

It’s true though. You can’t even count how many people you have pushed away only because you’re thinking about Jungkook. In the period where everyone is just desperate to find love or mere sex, you are not even remotely close to it. You weren’t with anyone all through college. All because you’re thinking about how it feels right to be with Jungkook, how in love you actually were and how foolish it could be to let go of one thing that could have been true just because you were too deep in emotion.

And Taehyung was one of the people that lived through that phase of shutting any possibility of love. He couldn’t even forget how his college friends, or even strangers asking him why are you so closed off, refusing any advancement anyone did. But Taehyung shrugged it away, because he knew how you still couldn’t forget your first love. He didn’t even know how or why you are still able to hold into that love for such a long time—not until he fell for you himself.

When he asked you to be his girlfriend a year ago and you said yes, he really thought you were ready to move on. Finally. And maybe you were, before he messed up everything and it’s already too late. Because Jungkook is back, and how can he compare to the first love, which vaguely ended and still left a sour taste of regret in your heart.

When he saw Jungkook that morning, he knew. He knew that he didn’t stand a chance. Because it’s apparent how head over heels he is still with you, like you are with him. And he just needs to accept it.

“Go with your heart, Y/N.” Taehyung croaks, holding the deep urge inside him forcing him to stop being such goody two shoes. Taehyung is still in love with you. Madly. He loves you for quite a long time now, and he wanted to be yours. But how can he be selfish when you are clearly struggling like this?

“Do you know? The biggest regret I have is to let you go.” 

You glance at Taehyung, as something stirs inside your heart with him addressing your past. “I regret not making everything clear. I regret not fighting for us. I regret not being honest with you, because I was selfish and too much of a coward.”

“I still love you.” Taehyung whispers, the grip on the wheel tightened. You stare at him, speechless while Namjoon’s past words suddenly run through your mind. “But it’s okay. Because above anything, I want you to be happy. Seeing you being miserable makes me extremely sad, Y/N. Please, just go with your heart and be happy.”

Another minute passed in silence, before you mutter gloomily. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to say..”

“Let me guide you, then.” Taehyung smiles, his palm resting over yours and gives it a light squeeze. “Thank you for loving me, Taehyung. I know we’ll get through this, as best friends. And you are right, I’ll go with my heart and try to take risk in love, because even though it might hurt me, at the very least I followed my heart instead of my fear.”

His words literally punch you in the gut, because now that he’s the one saying it to you, it never felt clearer. You indeed have been following your fear, discarding how you truly feel for anything or anyone. You love Jungkook, but being afraid has shielded you from following what you really want to do.

Another ten minutes before you give his hand a light squeeze. “You know, I never thought you'd be that much of a bigger person.” You lightly joke, in which Taehyung responds with a snort. “You were not usually like this. Where’s my selfish and self-righteous bestie at?!”

“Well, don’t consider I’m letting you go just yet.” He shrugs jokingly, rolling his eyes. You heartily laugh at that. “Besides, life is still long, right? Don’t count it on me giving up just yet, Y/N. I might just steal your heart away, and that lucky bastard Jungkook should be nervous.” You gaze at Taehyung who is looking back at you with his signature boxy smile, and your heart lightens. God, how lucky you are to have such a great companion like him.

“You know what? He really should.”

*

7 Weeks Later…

Jungkook is looking at the watch on his wrist. It’s already 4PM in his time and 8AM in Seoul. You must be preparing for work, he thinks to himself, unconsciously smiling. That’s what he does whenever it concerns you. He’ll be adored at the thoughts of you walking hastily inside the office, throwing all your belongings on your desk before you begin working. He always finds it endearing. And then, he’ll miss you. He will miss looking at you, talking and bantering with you again.

But not today, since he’ll be over in Seoul in no time.

All seven weeks back in the States were dreadful, but he managed. He knew that it was longer than expected, but he managed to steal the time to find you again. Because in all sincereness, all that he can think of is you.

blueberry_25 : good thursday morning! Soo happy gonna end the week soon! [16:05]

blueberry_25 : what are you doing this weekend? Do you wanna meet? :) [16:06]

It’s funny how he gives you the space you deserve, yet still manages to talk to you again nearly everyday. All because of the pen pal event held by the company which he has resigned from. He needed to take a long break, and had to resign after. The company did give him an option if he wanted to return back, but with the current condition, he is not really sure whether he can return for good.

But at least he got some time to see you again. Which is good.

91snowball : hi, blue, hope you have a great day today too! :) [16:07]

91snowball : we’re going to meet tomorrow. The christmas event, remember? [16:07]

blueberry_25 : I nearly forgot! So hectic today since that finance guy resigned and caused such chaos again. Thanks for the reminder though lol [16:08]

Jungkook literally winces, as you haven’t stopped complaining about the sudden resignation of the finance guy that is literally him regarding your overwhelming work caused by a certain prematurely resigning self-centered jerk. Even one time he mistakenly apologized for it. Nevertheless, it was all fun and games before he thought about how to break it up to you. That he is a snowball, the person you’ve been chatting with anonymously for months, and nearly everyday now. Talking to you were the highlights of his days, and he couldn’t stop. Even for a day.

And he is in the dark on how to break the truth to you. 

The soft chimes of his phone takes him away from the busy thoughts. Jungkook looks down and finds another message from you. The heartfelt smile instinctively appears on his lips.

blueberry_25 : did you get me anything? ;) Can I set my expectations high? [16:10]

91snowball : haha hope so. See you tomorrow, okay? [16:10]

The announcement for passengers to onboard is heard, so Jungkook raises from his seat to join the queue. An anonymous feeling shot through his chest, a heartfelt smile formed on his lips. He is going back. Finally. He finally is going to see you again and it feels terribly unreal. 

Right when another message arrives, and at once the corners of his mouth instantly flattens.

Mom : Son,don’t forget. I’ll pick you up next week. [16:12]

*

“Bye, Y/N, Hoseok!” 

Another person from your team has escaped the dreaded office, yet you and Hoseok are still not showing any sign of moving from your respective places. There are still a few action items on your list that need to be checked off by the night if you want to have a peaceful weekend, and you are determined to have them finished asap.

Because you are going to meet Snowball tomorrow. And you’re going to spend your whole weekend with him too.

“Y/N, why are you not going home?” Hoseok asks in worry while glancing at your screen. “This report needs to be submitted on Monday. You can finish it tomorrow.”

“But tomorrow we are having that Christmas event. I want to finish this before then.” You answer nonchalantly, still typing agilely on your keyboard. Seeing how befuddled Hoseok looks, you roll your eyes. “That pen pal secret santa event. Remember?”

Hoseok instantly turns silent at the mention of the event. God, how could he forget? Tomorrow the office’s Christmas party will be held, along with the first meeting of the anonymous pen pal buddies. Jimin and his team have everything planned out, in which the pair would give a gift inside a box which includes a card to describe and help find who is their pen pal.

It was indeed a brilliant idea. But maybe not to the fact that Jungkook is literally your pen pal, and the fact that you are unaware of how close he has been even after he left.

It doesn’t even need an exquisite skill to guess that something happened with Jungkook and you, especially discernible after he left. You turn greatly silent, and he found you zooming out more than you’d like to admit, and you’re shine dimmed. It was incredibly saddening for nearly everyone, but it’s not for long since you found someone to take your minds off things—who turns out to be your pen pal, or ironically, Jungkook.

And Hoseok has multiple times warned Jungkook that it’s not going to work. You would be furious to find out—who would adore the fact that someone is indeed lying?

“So… your partner will be coming?” Hoseok hesitatingly asks, looking down his lap. “Are you sure?”

“Of course. I know he’ll be coming.” You shift your gaze to Hoseok and beam. “He’ll give me a present and I’ll finally meet him.”

Hoseok nods, but something urges him to continue. “But… what if he won’t come?”

Your eyebrows scrunched. “What do you mean?”

He clears his throat. “Maybe? You know, he might have something to do tomorrow, urgently. Or maybe he is not that invested in this like you are? Because let’s be real here, Y/N, you are too deep into this.”

You send a thriving punch to his shoulder that Hoseok immediately winces and. “What is that for?!”

“For being such a source of negativity. Seriously, Hoseok, you used to be sooo positive. Stop hanging out too much with Yoongi.”

“I’m not kidding, Y/N.” Hoseok sternly gazes at you. “Don’t put your hopes too high. I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

You smile at him, not even an ounce of doubt seen on your face. “Snowball won’t disappoint me, Hoseok. He’s not like Jungkook.”

At such ironic statements, Hoseok immediately turns speechless—something inside him literally withers. God, how he wishes he could cease you from hurting...

*

It’s already eight pm, and Jungkook is still settling inside his car in front of the building where the Christmas Event is held. His right hand is tapping lightly on the wheel, inside his left grasp is a midnight green colored box in which is the present he prepared for you.

The event will be starting soon, but he’s still waiting for a cue from Yoongi—the only person who knew about his arrival in Korea—when he should be entering. Attract attention is the last he would want, especially when too many people or the bosses are around, as he is obviously not invited now that he has resigned.

Yet needless to say, it is not the main issue concerning his mind. He couldn’t even care less if he is going to be kicked out of the event, as long as he can see you and be with you again. But how can he hope so? All kinds of scenarios are running through his mind about how you would react to him being Snowball, your anonymous pen pal in which you have told him about nearly everything. And it's foolish to even think that you would be fine about him catfishing you—hopefully it’s not the correct term for that.

At first, it was just a mere idea during work, Jimin was joking about how he would make you as his anonymous pen pal after he was informed of a small piece about your past with Jungkook. And Jungkook was not going to think about it more, but he was desperate. He wanted to talk to you again without any resentment—but it could probably be the least thing you want to do in this lifetime, so he begged Jimin to arrange it for him. Even if it was merely anonymous.

But now it could probably be the best yet the worst thing that he had done to you. You are the thing that keeps him sane after being locked again in his hometown, but he is now gambling with the relationship you both have. He is literally lying to you again—just like the worst fight happened in front of your house porch. God, everything is literally a mess.

Suddenly, the sound of an incoming call disrupts his trainwreck thoughts. Min Yoongi.

“Jungkook, the event will be conducted in half an hour, you need to submit your present. The bosses are gone. Come.” Yoongi calmly informs, conflicting to the thoughts on Jungkook’s mind. The fear and insecurity instantly strikes him.

“I don’t know whether I should do this, I mean—”

“Look at your chat.”

Yoongi has an authority tone on his voice that Jungkook immediately obeys, opening his chat. Yoongi has sent a picture of you, lively talking with your friends. You look exquisite, wearing a red ball gown dress that falls on your knee, the blush is apparent on your cheek. You simply look.. stunning.

“She has waited and prepared all this shit because she believed her idiot, fucking selfish so-called pen pal is here. Seriously, you’re not doing any good by pretending again. Just come, Jungkook.”

At once, it was like a knock to his heart at how selfish and undeserving he is to you. It’s okay if you’re angry, he’ll grovel at your feet. And if you don’t want to see him again? Well, he just needs to wait again. He waited for five years to see you again—what is another waiting, right?

Heaving a deep breath, Jungkook finally steps out of his car. He cannot lie that he is excessively frightened, the image of you crying and pushing him away is vivid and it stings. But he promised you he’ll be back before the year ends, and he’ll live up to that promise.

Walking out of the lift, the first person he sees is Jimin, sitting behind the front table from the ballroom. He is now receiving gifts from various people, which Jungkook assumes must be for the pen pal event. He walks closer, until Jimin can finally see him, and somehow, upon meeting your face, he literally falls a few steps back, face bleached like he just saw a ghost.

“J-jungkook?”

Jungkook smiles and rests the gift on the table. “Hi, Jimin. This is my gift for her.”

“B-b-but how—why? How can you’re here? I thought—I thought you’re moving and—”

“Yes. But I’m here now.” Jungkook thinly smiles. “May I know what I should do next?”

“Y-yes. So, the pair will be divided into two rooms, and when we cue, we will let you find each other, with the stuff and card inside the gift.” The panic is still evident on his face, but Jungkook just shrugs it away. Jimin can be overreacting at times.

“May I enter my room now?”

Jimin instantly nods as an answer, and points to the room on his right. “You can enter the room on the right. But Jungkook?”

Jungkook stares at Jimin, waiting for the continuation. “Good luck there. And I’m sorry.” He clears his throat, and points to the room. “You go now.”

Jungkook doesn’t even know if that’s really something for Jimin to be sorry about, but he literally couldn’t care less when he’s just minutes away from meeting you. “Thanks.”

Inside the room, there are a few people who are high chance waiting for the pen pal committee as well. The moment he enters, he can see a few confused eyes staring at him, but the moment he finds Namjoon, he can finally breathe. Namjoon is not too different though, staring at him with weirded out eyes.

“Jungkook, you’re here?” He blinks a few times, rubbing his eyes. “Am I drinking too much champagne or are you really here?”

“I am.” He chuckles. “I came back to fulfill a promise, I guess.”

“Y/N? Because she’s your pen pal, right?” Jungkook nods slowly. “God, do you know there’s a very high chance that she’ll kick your ass for all this bamboozling shit?”

“Affirmatively.” Jungkook grins, yet his fingers are nervously fidgeting, a habit he inhibited since a month ago. “But, I just… I am trying, you know?”

Namjoon nods and taps on Jungkook’s back to relay comfort. “She loves you too. Even if she’s furious, she’ll come around.” Jungkook can only hope so.

At that time, the committees enter with a trolly of boxes that must be the pen pal gift. One of them hands Namjoon and Jungkook’s respective gifts. “You can start finding your pen pal now.”

Jungkook looks down on the blue box on his grasp, and he flinches with palms turning clammy from cold sweat, heartbeat too fast he could even hear it with his ear. Step by step, he enters the other room. Scanning the room, his sight instantly falls to you, smiling while looking down to the familiar box on your grasp. Your wavy hair settles perfectly on your shoulder, a serene smile formed on your lips.

‘I can’t, because I don’t want to let you hurt me again, Jungkook. Happy? I hate myself for letting myself trust and ending up getting hurt.’

Just when he is about to take another step closer to you, the remembrance of that night hits him straight in the gut. He is hurting you. Again. And you’ll leave. You’ll never want to see him again.

The weight on his shoulders triple at the petrifying scenario running through his mind, and Jungkook instinctively takes a step back and runs outside the room. No, he can’t do this. He is too scared. He thought he is ready to take every chance, but it turns out not much has changed, because he’s still the coward he was nearly five years ago.

Jungkook walks to the hotel balcony, heaving several deep breaths. The sky is exceptionally beautiful, the full moon is wandering in the sky and it invokes a memory within his mind.

About the night you cried in front of him for the first time.

“Are you afraid?” Jungkook whispered that night, gazing down at you. The loud blazing sound of bass was faintly heard, but both of you are sitting near the gate, looking out to the sky. You stare at him and shift back your empty gaze to the full moon. You despise that no matter how strenuous you tried to suppress the pain, it kept on rising back and numbs all your feelings.

“I am not afraid of you.” You weakly replied, the exhaustion vivid on your tone.

“I know.” Jungkook followed your gaze. “Are you afraid you’ll cry in front of me?”

You gazed at him, eyes filled with sadness and animosity. “What?”

“It’s literally a party inside. And you’ve been looking like you’re in a freaking funeral—well, beside the drinking part.” You were surprised with how susceptible he was. The day had indeed been counted as one of the worst days of your life, and it’s not even over yet. And you were fucking tired of crying, hence you decided to numb everything and wasted all your energy to alcohol instead. So at least you won’t remember again.

“Just cry.” He tranquilly whispers, his palm settles on the side of your face. “Those tears—I’ll catch them for you.”

And you just did.

Looking down to his lap, he is looking at the box on his grasp from you. Huffing a deep breath, he moves to open the box with not much thoughts—yet his mind abruptly turns blank after seeing the items resting in the box. 

What… are these?

“Are you afraid?”

Turning on his heel, Jungkook’s strained gaze fell on the eyes he thought would never see this up close again. It’s you. You are literally just a distance away in front of him right now, that he might need to pinch himself to ensure everything is not a piece of his hallucination. 

“What?” 

“Because you look like you’re about to cry.” You whisper calmly, arms folded on your chest. “Are you that afraid to meet me again?”

Jungkook is now staring at you, face conflicted. He is at haze on everything that just unfolded. “How did you—how did you know?”

“You think I won’t find out that you’re snowball?” You took a step closer, glancing at the items on the box. A basketball keychain and a frame of photo taken five years ago, the two of you side by side with a shy smile on both your faces. It was something he never thought would receive from his pen pal, even in his wildest dream.

“You think I won’t recognize you?”

Jungkook stutters. “What do you—”

“I know everything.” You cut him right away, face still expressionless. “I know it. You are snowball, I know you bribed Jimin into arranging, I know you are hiding by talking to me anonymously with snowball as an identity—everything. I know it’s you who I’m talking to these past seven weeks.”

A good five minutes passed before Jungkook could even let out a sound, let alone a coherent statement. 

“Are you… angry at me?”

“Yes.” You respond, not even missing a hint of hesitation in your tone. The physical pain is even more evident now. “I hate you. I hate you for fabricating lies about us. When I found out for the first time that it was you, I was furious. I felt played, like an idiot. I told you, I hate when someone lies to me. Do you remember?”

“I know.”

Another minutes spent staring each other, then you sigh in tiredness. “But more than anything, I missed you.” You continue, your tone falters as your eyes are far away, the sudden weakness stirs something inside his chest. “I miss you like crazy, and I took it. I took the lies, if it means I can talk to you again. Like an idiot, I didn’t think straight.”

Jungkook stares at you, waiting for you to continue. “I know I decided not to wait for you, but it was foolish. Waiting for you—that’s not an option I could make. And no matter how much I decided I need to stop thinking about you, I can’t. I am an idiot, who—”

At once, Jungkook is now hugging you close, not even a breath between the two of you. The feelings are familiar, yet so strange since the butterflies are knocking your stomach with nerves now. Jungkook is here. He is finally here, hugging you close. It’s literally the dream you’ve been having for a while now.

“I came back.”

You hum.

“For you. For the promise I made us.”

You hum.

“I am sorry. For everything. I shouldn’t have lied. I shouldn’t have bribed Jimin.”

You hum.

Jungkook lets you go, anxious at the possibility of you lying and suppress all your feelings just for the sake of him. “Can you say something? Anything. Please be mad at me, or anything, because you have the rights to. But please don’t be silent, I beg you.”

“I love you.”

Those three words are most absolutely not the word he is expecting. He confusedly searches your eyes. “If you said I can say anything, I want to say that for the first time. I love you, Jungkook.”

Jungkook stares at you, still in disbelief of the possibility of his hearing deceiving him. “What?”

“I love you. And I want to fight for us.” You whisper, squeezing his palm against yours. “ I am sorry too. I let my emotion and fear take over, and I hurt you. I am in this just like you are, so don’t blame yourself alone, hmm?”

“I love you too.” Jungkook responds, as he pulls you close by the nape, crashing his lips on yours and taking your breath away. “I love you more than anything. I love you more than anyone. I am sorry, I am very sorry.”

You hold him closer by the waist, minutes passed just to feel how warm he is against you, the familiar scent seeps inside your brain that disoriented your whole being. As he lightly bites your lower lips and instinctively forces a moan out of you,  you shivers. Jungkook swiftly takes the chance to push through and leaves a beautiful taste on your tongue. Your fingers run through his hair, feeling the soft hair falls between your fingers. Giving it a light tug, you are more than satisfied to find Jungkook is just as affected as you by the way he bemoans.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Jungkook creakily whispers, not even hiding the lust and desire lacing his tone and not even a second thought is spent, you nod. You are desperate to have him again like the way it was before, to leave nothing between the two of you, to feel him close and beg for him to take you again, pleasuring you like no one could. 

“By the way, you look beautiful tonight.” He smiles, squeezing your waist with his palm. “You always do, but maybe the fact that I haven’t seen you for seven weeks, now that you are wearing this beautiful dress—It’s just.. breathtaking.”

You roll your eyes, but are unable to suppress the beam on your lips. “You better keep that mindset, okay? Don’t you fucking dare say I look better naked later.”

Jungkook grins at that. “You know what? You just get me.”

“You know, I need to tell you this, but… I actually threatened Jimin to confirm that you are indeed snowball. And I have to say that it wasn’t pretty, and I wasn’t proud of it. We haven’t really been talking with each other after that..”

“What?!” Jungkook literally shouts, the imagination of you threatening Jimin with a knife forms on his head. No wonder he looks like a ghost after seeing him attend the event. “What did you do to the poor guy?!”

“Well, I may or may not… have caught him getting a blowjob from his teammate in the office one time.. And yup, you know the rest.” You wince, and hold out your palm together. “I swear, I have no intention to let anyone know, it was just a self defense method—”

“You just told me, you know.”

You pout, tugging on his blazer. “But you’re my Jungkook! It’s different.”

Jungkook sighs, but it’s foolish to lie that the possession terms you used before his name literally sends him into a blushing mess. He is unable to resist to steal a kiss from you once again. The moment your lips touching, you are left speechless—and wanting more that you still chase for his lips even after he pulls himself. You frown, folding your arms in indignation that you caught him grinning after. “Looks like someone is missing me too much, huh?”

“I hate you.” You obnoxiously spit.

“No, you love me.” 

“Yes, but I’m starting to regret it now.” 

Jungkook giggles, caressing the side of your pouty face. God, how is it possible to be luring and cute at the same time? Being with you is all kinds of emotions lured into one, and it left him wanting for more and more.

“I feel like I didn’t say this enough, but I love you, Y/N. I really, really do.” Jungkook whispers, as his finger pushes strands of hair to behind your ear, and you give him a smile which brightens his whole world. The moment he looks at you like this, he know he is sold. You’re his only sole chance, nothing and no one else.

“We’ll fight for each other, right?” Jungkook whispers and you stare at him back with a smile, and unlike before, this time you reply with a determined nod. One thing you know is that you’ll do anything to make the best out of each other—you’ll finally fight for what you feel instead of following your fear. Because you love Jungkook, and he feels the same way.

Oh, how he would trade everything to have this moment last forever...

===========================

I should have write this better lol was too distracted with life and kim soo hyun that its 🅱razy. I wish I have will to edit this too, tho

If you wonder if there’s an epilogue, there is! kindly follow me and slide into my ask box! stay safe, all!  💜💌

UPDATE : Find the Epilogue HERE !

#bts #bts jungkook #bts smut #jungkook smut #bts taehyung #jungkook au #jungkook friends to lover #bts enemies to lovers #jungkook fluff #bts ex #bts angst #bts dom #bts ot7 #bts jungkook smut #bts au #jungkook taehyung #bts ex to lover #bts namjoon #bts love #taehyung mutual pining

[polishksiezniczka]

Monsignor | Camerlengo Patrick McKenna x Reader

You meet il camerlengo for the first time at Mass, and he soon becomes captivated by you.

My first full-length oneshot! Sort of a slow burn but with some delicious fluff at the end. Please let me know if you have any requests or ideas for future works! 1.8k words

You had recently moved to Rome, your next diplomatic assignment being the US Embassy to the Holy See. The new challenges of your position were taxing, but you were proud of the work you did for your fellow citizens.

Being the good Catholic you were, you went to Mass as often as you could. And when in Rome—which boasted more than 900 churches—it was your goal to visit as many as you could. Although you had been living in the city for only a week or two, you had visited several parishes closer to your apartment to see if one appealed to you.

Today you decided to go to St. Peter’s Basilica for early morning service, hoping the crowds wouldn’t be as large. Aware of the Vatican’s strict dress code, you decided on a lovely vintage chiffon dress you had recently scored at a chic consignment shop. Its light coral color brought out the Y/E/C hues in your eyes, and it elegantly graced your figure while still leaving much up to the imagination. You paired it with sensible pumps and a loose white cardigan. You were feeling springlike today, it being a warm Sunday in April.

While you had visited the Vatican several times already on official diplomatic visits, you hadn’t yet as one of the faithful. As you silently made your way to the chapel, you marveled at the beautiful art surrounding you—the work of masters.

You chose to sit near the center aisle a few rows from the altar. The chapel quickly began to fill up; in a matter of minutes, you were surrounded by a trio of devout Italian nonne, clad in all-black, and a gaggle of starry-eyed Korean tourists.

As the processional music began, you felt your body ease into a state of peace. The ancient rituals of the Church always soothed you; they had not changed since you were a child and so provided a sense of comfort amidst an unpredictable world. You sang along, losing yourself in the beautiful melody.

When the hymnal ended, you lifted your gaze from your songbook to the altar. Your heart stopped as your eyes fell upon him—quite possibly the most beautiful man you had ever laid eyes on.

He was young, no more than 40 years of age. His hair was a rich auburn color, swept neatly into a well-groomed combover; you couldn’t help but admire how perfectly it framed his handsome face. His eyes, a lovely shade of blue, were mesmerizing. They reminded you of cerulean pools, clear and bright. His brows were furrowed in concentration, making him appear serious. His jawline was set in a strong, dignified way, sloping attractively down to his chin; there you could just make out a slight cleft. For all you knew, he was one of the marble statues carved by the same masters who had designed the basilica you were standing in.

Who was this man? That’s Father to you! you scolded yourself. You were in Church. And not just any Church—the Church! You tried to suppress your nascent infatuation, but you quickly succumbed to it, your eyes selfishly dragging down the rest of the priest’s body. He wore a white surplice over his black robes, highlighting the alluring musculature of his shoulders. His collar was a burst of white at the base of the column of his throat. His hands were clasped together in prayer in front of his chest, and you watched his eyes squeeze in concentration as he prayed along silently with the cardinal who stood beside him. His whole demeanor radiated safety, comfort, and protection.

You couldn’t help but stare, the chants of the prayer fading into the background. You couldn’t even look away. Even when he turned to look at you. You observed his eyes widening ever so slightly, his brow arching in curiosity. Regrettably, he seemed to catch himself after a few seconds, quickly averting his eyes away from you and back to his superior. The moment was so brief, you seriously doubted its authenticity. But there he was.

Mass passed by in a haze, your attempts at concentration all but shot. You tried to restrain yourself, but somehow your gaze always settled on him. It wasn’t until the pews ahead of you began to slowly shuffle toward for Communion that you momentarily became sensible again. As you stood and made your way toward the altar, your hands began to perspire. You ran through the expected response over and over again, worried you might choke on your own heart, which had invariably lodged itself in your throat.

Just as you had expected, he was even more beautiful up close. Like an angel. You were so taken by his handsomeness, his kind smile, his spellbinding eyes that you felt your chest tighten. Your eyes suddenly found the marble floor inexplicably fascinating.

He held up the thin wafer. “Il corpo di Cristo.”

You peered up at him from beneath your lashes and met his kind cerulean eyes again. They beamed down at you, joy and curiosity radiating from them. You quickly lost your ability to speak, momentarily dumbstruck. He must have sensed this, as a smile quirked the corner of his lips; you thought you were imagining things when the faintest chuckle reached your ears. If only you knew what he was thinking!

“Amen,” you whispered hurriedly, accepting the wafer in your trembling hands. You bowed to him and quickly stepped aside to genuflect before the altar. As you made your way to back to your pew, you couldn’t help but sneak a glance over your shoulder at him. As you expected, he was dutifully administering communion to the remaining parishioners. You sighed softly as you retook your place and knelt down.

Of course that’s what he’s doing! you scolded yourself. For the love of God, he’s a priest—why would he have feelings for you? Silly, foolish girl.

Your thoughts consumed you for the rest of Mass, even during the last processional hymnal. If only you had noticed the young priest’s longing glance at you as he walked past.

After the processional ended, you prepared to leave, but your shame got the best of you. As a penance you knelt and said five Hail Mary’s to atone for your distraction.

As you left your pew, you noticed how quiet the church had become. A few people remained, some finishing their prayers, others snapping pictures of the ornate altar. As you walked to the back of the chapel, you observed a small group of parishioners clustered near the back, no doubt socializing among themselves. You had planned to walk around them, but the group suddenly parted, putting you directly on course for him. The priest who had awoken in you a reaction so powerful, so complete, you couldn’t even think clearly.

The two parishioners he was speaking with said their farewells; then, he turned and noticed you. As your eyes met for the third time that morning, his face broke into a radiant smile. You approached him slowly, a blush creeping up your cheeks. You did your best to hold his gaze and maintain an air of confidence after your embarrassing conduct during the liturgy of the Eucharist. You stopped just short of a foot away from him, subconsciously holding your breath.

“Buongiorno, signorina,” he said. His voice was so velvety, so delightful, it practically overwhelmed your senses. Being so close allowed you to better study his chin’s adorable cleft, making you swoon. “Non ti ho mai visto prima a San Pietro. Stai visitando la nostra bellissima basilica mentre sei in vacanza?” His presence was oh so alluring—you couldn’t help but relax as air suddenly filled your lungs.

“Buongiorno, monsignor,” you replied carefully. “ No, ma sono nuovo a Roma. Vedi, mi sono trasferito qui due settimane fa. Lavoro per l'ambasciata degli Stati Uniti.”

He smiled knowingly, his eyes alight with intrigue. “So, you are an American?” The soft, gentle lilt of his accent sent a shiver up your spine. How was it possible that this man’s normal pleasantries were enough to provoke such a response in you?

“Yes, I am.”

“In that case, may I be the first to welcome you to Vatican City.” He bowed his head slightly in deference to you. “I am Father Patrick McKenna, il camerlengo to his Holiness. May I ask your name?”

“Y/F/N, Y/F/N Y/L/N.”

The camerlengo’s smile widened, and you momentarily glimpsed his dazzling white teeth. “Y/N…” he repeated thoughtfully. You cherished the way your name rolled off his tongue. “How lovely. Named after Saint Y/N if I am not mistaken?”

“Yes, Father,” you shyly responded. “I was raised in a very devout home.” You quickly averted your gaze to the floor, worrying that you had revealed too much about yourself. You certainly weren’t prepared for the camerlengo’s next remark:

“I…I hope to see you next weekend.” He spoke softly, tenderly.

Your eyes shot up to his face, eagerly finding his own. The camerlengo’s eyebrows were raised expectantly; a gentle smile graced his handsome features.

“Of course, Father. It was such a lovely Mass.” You tried to convey as much sincerity as you could with your voice.

He took your hand in his and cradled it, making your heart flutter even more rapidly in your chest. “I’m glad you thought so. In the meantime, do not make yourself a stranger.” For a moment, his eyes were expectant, and he nodded solemnly—as if holding you to a serious pledge—but his fervent expression quickly melted back into one of compassion again. “You are welcome anytime.”

Your cheeks took on a lovely pink color at his words as you beamed at him.“Grazie, Padre.” Reluctantly you added, “I believe I should be going now...” Your eyes flashed over your shoulder, subtly indicating a group of nonne eager to speak with him. “I would not want to keep you all to myself.” You shyly lifted your gaze to the camerlengo again.

He chuckled softly, his eyes glinting with mirth at your remark. “May God bless you, Miss Y/L/N. Arrivederci.” As he said this, he traced the sign of the cross on your forehead, the scent of him filling your nostrils briefly. He smelled clean and masculine with a delightful hint of spiciness, which you immediately recognized to be frankincense. You savored the warmth of his skin on yours.

“Addio, monsignor,” you whispered breathlessly.

You found the courage to look into the camerlengo's spellbinding eyes once more before you turned to leave. As you exited the sacred space, you smiled to yourself, his words reverberating within you: do not be a stranger.

"Never, Father," you whispered. ¤

Translations

nonne = "grandmothers"

Il corpo di Cristo = "the body of Christ"

Non ti ho mai visto prima a San Pietro. Stai visitando la nostra bella chiesa durante le vacanze? = "I haven’t seen you before at St. Peter’s. Are you visiting our beautiful basilica while on holiday?"

No, ma sono nuovo a Roma. Vedi, mi sono appena trasferito qui due settimane fa. Lavoro con l'ambasciata degli Stati Uniti. = "No, but I am new to Rome. You see, I recently moved here a few weeks ago. I work for the US Embassy."

@seraferna @lemairepstuff

#camerlengo patrick mckenna #patrick mckenna x reader #ewan mcgregor #angels and demons #dan brown #forgive me father for i have sinned #hot priest #ewanfuckinmcgregor #fluff oneshot

[fanficflaneuse]

The Party

Index 

A/N: After a few days of going MIA, I’m back with a piece taken from two similar requests. I hope you like it. If you requested something, please be a little patient. I’ve had some rough days and I’m going back to my working mood :) 

Have a very nice weekend! 

Details:

Draco x sister! Reader / George Weasley x Malfoy! Reader / Harry x Malfoy! Reader (platonic)

Word count: 3460

Summary: Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy aren’t home, so reader convinces her brother, Draco, to throw the party of the century. 

“Come on, Draco,” whined (Y/N), “it’s going to be fun!”

(Y/N) had been trying to convince her younger brother to throw a party. Their parents were in France on some distant relative’s funeral and wouldn’t be back for a whole other week. She figured that doing something fun with her brother would rekindle their relationship, which had been strained for years now.

Draco was two years younger than his sister. Before Hogwarts, they adored each other. Draco looked up to her and almost idolized her. Then, she was sent off to school. The sorting hat took a long time with her and ultimately placed her in Gryffindor, much to everyone’s dismay. (Y/N) could still remember, like it was yesterday, the fear that consumed her as she sent a letter to her parents. She was expecting a howler that would fill every corner of the castle with the news of her disownment. Their silence was deafening. For a week, she had nightmares with her father burning her face from the family tapestry.

Then, on the first Sunday after her arrival, Professor McGonagall guided her to Headmaster Dumbledore’s office. For a second, there was a glimmer of hope. Maybe it was all a mistake. Perhaps she could be sorted again and her parents would be proud. As she set foot on the headmaster’s quarters, though, her face fell. As she found herself face to face with her parents, she gulped. Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore left them to talk, not without giving the first year encouraging smiles.

As (Y/N) and her parents stared at each other, she decided she’d show her courageous Gryffindor side. She had always been very rebellious. Even when she played the part of the perfect pureblood, deep down she knew it wasn’t something she wanted for the rest of her life. A lot of what her parents said also didn’t sit very well with her. And this was the decisive moment.

“Mother, Father…I’m sorry.” Regardless of how hard she tried, her voice cracked. Her vision became blurry a few seconds later.

“(Y/N), dear,” her mother said, engulfing the girl in her arms.

(Y/N) sobbed in her Narcissa’s shoulder. She thought she would never feel her mother’s embrace again, yet here she was, rubbing her back and all. The relief she felt was crushed by the fact that she still had to face her father. Narcissa wiped away her daughter’s tears and gave her a reassuring smile, like she had done so many times before. Lucius then came forward, his expression unreadable. He put his hand on (Y/N)’s shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze.

“This was…unexpected, to say the least. But there is nothing to be sorry about,” he said. (Y/N) still couldn’t decide if this was a good or a bad thing.

“Y-you won’t disown me?” she asked nervously.

“Of course not! Where did you get that idea from?” her father said.

Both Narcissa and (Y/N) shot him an “are you serious” look. Everyone around them was way too keen on having their children sorted in Slytherin. Disownments, banishments and the likes were concepts that adhered to a pureblood’s vocabulary even before they could spell their names.

“My child, I can only imagine how scared you have been in the last few days. I am very, very sorry. If the sorting hat placed you in Gryffindor it is because you will be a great fit in that house. And that is it. Right, Lucius?” Narcissa’s voice was equanimous, but she eyed her husband sternly.

“Right,” he mumbled.

“We won’t lose a child to some tradition. We love you too much to care,” she continued.

That day, (Y/N) learned about her mother’s aunt Walburga and her cousin Sirius. Narcissa vowed to never repeat that story. Even if her father winced when she mentioned that she had befriended the Weasley twins, she knew they had her back. She left Dumbledore’s office feeling like the luckiest girl alive.

The bliss, though, only lasted a few months. When she went back home for the Christmas break, she noticed how something had changed between her and her brother. As much as her parents reassured her, she swore he treated her differently. The adventures around the manor ended, as he claimed they were too old for that nonsense. Every time they were alone, she felt guilt and shame around him, as though he was always judging her. It made her sad. And she found refuge in the letters she received from the Weasley twins, especially George, who had become her best of friends.

Things turned for the worse when Draco arrived in Hogwarts, strutting with a posse of eleven-year-old entitled purebloods like he owned the place. Of course, he was sorted into Slytherin. He never looked her way after that. (Y/N) guessed that now he was bothered by everything she did, everyone she befriended and everything she stood for. She decided not to let that get the best of her and instead shared love and friendship to her newly found Gryffindor family. George and Fred’s little brother, Ron, had come to his first year as well and she took his little gang under her wing, especially Harry who had been brought up by some horrible muggles.

As the years went by, as much as Draco tormented the golden trio, she comforted them. When he bullied them, she apologized. When he said mean things, she always had a comeback. She even told on him with their mother when he was particularly mean, warranting weeks without her famous the care packages.

This year, though, (Y/N) had decided to declare truce. When they got back for the summer, Narcissa locked herself with her daughter in the piano room. They talked for hours about everything and nothing. Narcissa begged her daughter to reconcile with her brother. She told her how afraid she was of her son’s fate now that it was very clear that the Dark Lord had come back. She knew that, if the time were to come, (Y/N) wouldn’t choose Voldemort and she wished with all her heart she could take her brother with her.

(Y/N) took this conversation to heart. She was about to start her last year in Hogwarts and she didn’t want to finish her school having lost her brother completely. She thought a party would be the best place to start. They could have fun together, an occurrence unseen for many, many years. Also, after four years of sneaking around with the golden trio and Fred and George, she realized that there’s an especial kind of complicity between people who shared a secret. She wanted that kind partnership with her brother as well.

After much convincing, Draco agreed. He was expecting a gathering with their pureblood friends and acquaintances, perhaps a very selected group of people to talk and gossip for a while. Maybe if she saw him in his element he could show his sister that he was also worth her time. Draco was definitely not expecting the avalanche of people that flooded the manor. All of a sudden, he was surrounded by people from all houses and blood statuses. The seventh years brought fire whiskey and muggle booze. The music was raging. He looked in disbelief as Oliver Wood and Marcus Flint raced their brooms in their mother’s garden. He was disgusted by two seventh year Ravenclaws getting handsy by the staircase.

As he walked around, he encountered some of his friends. Pansy was sulking because Daphne had ditched her to dance. Blaise had already joined in the fun and Theo sat on a sofa between a cranky Ravenclaw and a very shy Hufflepuff. Crabbe and Goyle were nowhere to be found. 

“Are you having fun, Dray?” as he turned around, he saw her sister. One of the twins, who he didn’t bother to identify, had his arm draped around her shoulder.

He wanted to tell her that she was in big, big trouble. He hadn’t agreed to this. And how it was annoying and disrespectful and inappropriate and…then he saw the infamous golden trio behind her. They were talking to the remaining Weasley twin and eyeing his home in awe. If he had been pissed and annoyed at her sister, he now felt like he would combust in any second.

Draco shot his sister a murderous look.

“I thought you’d have some more respect for me and our home,” he said icily before storming off.

(Y/N) was very confused. Her friends eyed her worriedly. George held her closer to him.

“(Y/N/N), are you okay?” he whispered softly in her ear.

George and (Y/N) had a one of a kind relationship. They knew they liked each other. Back in fourth year, she had told him bluntly. He admitted his feelings as well. They had never made it official for reasons unknown even to them. They had shared a couple of kisses and sometimes they’d walk around with their arms wrapped around each other. They’d flirt a lot. And yet, if anyone asked them, they were both single.

Under different circumstances, she would’ve blushed a little because of how close he was. Maybe, she would’ve even flirted. Right now, her gaze was fixed on her brother’s retreating form.

“Should we leave?” asked Hermione sheepishly.

(Y/N) looked at her wide-eyed, realizing how rude her brother had been to them.

“Of course not,” she answered coolly, “I’m sorry Draco is so rude. Enjoy the party. I’ll go talk to him.”

The group scattered around. (Y/N) pecked George on the lips before she went to find her brother. She didn’t have to search too much; she knew exactly where Draco hid whenever he was upset. She walked up the stairs, were the party was just a distant rumour, and walked towards a godforsaken wing of the manor. After passing through a series of judgmental portraits, she pushed a heavy door that lead a spacious room. The only thing inside was a huge, empty wardrobe, which (Y/N) and Draco used as their own playground.

She smiled at herself, knowing that even if they had outgrown their playground days, that place remained a safe haven for both of them. She opened that door softly and found her brother huddled in a corner of the dresser, his face hidden in his arms. (Y/N) took a seat by his side.

“It’s been a while since we last played here,” she said.

“It’s a miracle you still remember,” he sniffled.

“How could I forget, starlight? It was our favourite hiding place,” she said fondly, calling him by a nickname she hadn’t used in a while.

Draco looked at her for a minute. She noticed his tearstained cheeks. “Well, now you’re so busy with Potter and your blood traitor friends, you hardly look my way anymore,” he countered bitterly.

Something clicked in her mind instantly. “Is that what this is all about?”

“You’re replacing me with Potter. Why wouldn’t you? He’s better than I am in absolutely everything. You send him presents, you cheer for him in quidditch, you’re always looking out for him. You’re like…like we used to be.”

Draco hid his face again in embarrassment. Once she heard his sobs, (Y/N)’s heart broke.

“I honestly hadn’t realized you thought that way until now. But I’d never replace you, starlight. You’re my brother. The things we’ve been through, the things we share, the memories we have together, those things have bonded us for life. It killed me every day to think that you hated me for not being the perfect pureblood sister. You’re the person I love the most and thinking that I wasn’t good enough for you…it made me so, so sad.”

Draco lunged forward and hugged (Y/N) tightly. “(Y/N), you’re my sister. Yes, you could be less boisterous, more proper…” (Y/N) raised her eyebrow. “But I wouldn’t change you for the world. I’ve missed you so much.” (Y/N) rubbed Draco’s back, like their mother did. She remembered what she said when they first arrived for vacations.

“I’ll always be here for you, Dray. And Harry’s not better than you. You’re just two different people. I won’t lie: I really love and appreciate him and I do try my best to give him some sisterly love because Merlin knows he hasn’t had much of that.” Draco tried his best not to scoff. “But you are my real brother. I don’t prefer him over you! And I’m here to reassure you, coddle you and hide in a closet while the party of the century is happening downstairs.”

Draco chocked out a laugh and hugged his sister tighter. He didn’t feel like moving just yet. (Y/N) understood he needed the embrace and so she stayed still, combing her brother’s hair with her fingers until he calmed down. She enjoyed the moment and realized how much she had missed the role of Draco’s big sister. He was such a gentle soul and even when they were kids she knew she had to be careful.

“I think…I think we can go downstairs now,” he announced timidly.

(Y/N) chuckled and nodded, refraining from teasing him. Once they were downstairs, her eyes met George’s. He sat in a circle with a bunch of people. She identified the golden trio, as well as some of Draco’s friends. Angelina Johnson was also in the group and so was Alicia Spinnet. (Y/N) dragged her brother to the circle.

“Be nice,” she mouthed to him as she took her place by George’s side.

“We’re playing spin the bottle,” said Lee Jordan before giving the bottle a spin.

A few rounds in, everyone teased (Y/N) on how she hadn’t kissed anyone. So far, Draco had given Katie Bell a peck which left him blushing. Ron and Hermione shared a sweet kiss. Harry kissed a giggly Daphne Greengrass. Theo smooched Fred, who also brushed lips with Angelina. Pansy Parkinson stamped her lips on Vincent Crabbe’s on what must have been the most dispassionate kiss of the night.  

After George and Alicia shared a quick kiss, it was finally (Y/N)’s turn. She had to kiss Blaise Zabini, on of Draco’s friends. She wasn’t very sure about kissing a younger boy at first. She asked him three or four times if it was fine with him, until he made the first move. The kiss started slow and shy and then Blaise grabbed her hair and pulled her to him. Her breath hitched and she kissed back passionately. How old was this boy and why did he have so much experience?

When they pulled apart, her head was spinning. Draco was looking at them, his eyes almost popping out of their sockets. Some people were cheering on them, particularly on Blaise. His friends were congratulating him on being a “ladies’ man”. Her friends were shocked. She still didn’t know what to make of the situation, until she realized George had left the circle. Fred couldn’t help to shoot daggers at her.

“Excuse me,” she said standing up.

At a distance, she heard Blaise boasting and Draco threatening him. (Y/N) rolled her eyes and walked through the sea of people in search of George. ‘Why do I keep chasing after people tonight?’ she groaned when she failed to find him within five minutes.

She went out to the gardens to try and think. (Y/N) sighed in relief as she recognized the familiar mop of red hair. George was pacing around. As soon as she saw his face of disappointment, she hated herself for accepting to that stupid game with that foolish boy. She should be dancing and having fun with her crush instead of having to mend broken hearts.

They stood in front of each other. George didn’t want to meet her gaze. For years, he thought that their arrangement was the best for them. The love and attraction were there and none of the drama. They could be partners in crime without the messy bits of a relationship. So far, things had worked in their favour. But seeing her smooching that Zabini git had made him change perspectives. For one, he was jealous. He hated every second of that awful feeling. And he realized he wanted to be (Y/N)’s boyfriend. He wanted everything, including the messy bits. He wanted dates in Hogsmeade. He wanted to take her home as more than just “the twins’ friend”. Now she had kissed that Slytherin and he felt like he didn’t stand a chance.

“I know Blaise Zabini could a better match than me,” he sighed.

(Y/N) eyed him quizzically. “What are you talking about?”

“We all saw how eager he was to kiss you. He might be a bit young now, but eventually he’ll probably try to date you and marry you and be the proper pureblood family you were meant to have,” he said his fists tightening with every word.

“Don’t be silly, Weasley,” she answered, moving towards him, “you know you’re the only one I want.”

She kissed him then. It was passionate and blissful. One of his hands travelled to her hair and his fingers tangled on her ringlets. The other hand squeezed her butt. (Y/N) moaned and bit George’s lip.

“Be my girlfriend,” he said against her lips before capturing them again.

“What are you doing to my daughter?!” roared Lucius Malfoy from behind.

Like a deer in the headlights, both teenagers turned around to face the Malfoys. Narcissa and Lucius looked at her, a mixture of rage and disconcertment in their faces.

“(Y/N) Narcissa Malfoy,” her mother’s voice was stern. She might be loved and spoiled by her parents, but the look they were giving her at the moment was one that assured a punishment to kingdom come.

(Y/N) noticed her little brother standing behind their parents, a smirk on his face. She guessed he washed his hands off the matter and was waiting to see her punished for their party.

“Bloody snake,” she muttered.

“Hey, don’t call me that! You got yourself in this missy,” he huffed in response, not even concealing the pleasure this was giving her.

“I thought we had magically rekindled our relationship?”

“We did. Does it mean I’ll magically take the blame for your mess?” he said smugly.

“Your friends are also here,” George retorted. He still had his hands on (Y/N), a fact the whole family was trying to ignore until he brought the attention to himself.

“What are you…what is…why are there…drunk people…my garden!” Narcissa was so taken aback she couldn’t even form a coherent sentence. Lucius was eyeing here warily; the only other time she behaved like this he had been banished from their room.

Narcissa went back inside, were everything was eerily quiet. The teenagers who just a few minutes ago had been dancing and drinking stared at the Malfoy matriarch. The music had stopped, just as any bit of conversation. She walked to her precious mahogany table in the common room, where the students had set all of the alcohol, and took a bottle of firewhiskey that hadn’t been opened yet.

“Everybody who I did not create, get out of my house right now!” She didn’t even raise her voice, but it had such a sharp edge to it that everyone in the grounds heard and complied. A sea of Hogwarts students ran out of the door.

George made a move to leave as well, but Lucius stopped him.

“No, you stay,” he said bitterly, “if you’re man enough to touch my daughter’s arse then you’re man enough to stay and listen to what I’m about to say.”

Both (Y/N) and George blushed profusely. Draco faked gagging and Lucius was about to start a lecture when Narcissa came back. She took a swig of the firewhiskey straight from the bottle. Lucius was glaring at George; but even as intimidating as he tried to be, the three teenagers saw how afraid he was of his wife’s glare.

“You,” she said motioning to George, “out.”

“Mum…” (Y/N) tried to intervene.

“Don’t you dare, (Y/N). Don’t you dare,” her tone was almost murderous.

George kissed (Y/N)’s cheek and walked out, biting his lips to hold in his laughter.

“When I wake up tomorrow my house better be pristine or you are going to be in a lot of trouble. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, mum,” (Y/N) answered, not wanting to meet her gaze.

“You two,” Narcissa motioned her husband and son, “to your rooms. Now.”

“But mum, won’t you punish (Y/N/N)? Look what she did when you were gone!” Draco pressed on, behaving in absolute Draco fashion.

Narcissa drank from the bottle again and Draco’s eyes widened.

“Listen to me, Draco. I am going to say something to you and I’ll only say it once: stop being such a little bitch.”

As soon as she said that, (Y/N) burst out laughing.

“I love you, mum,” she said.

“Don’t push it, (Y/N).”

Tags: @cleopatera @okaydraco @naomi02hook @the-hufflefluffwriter @the--queen-of-hell @honeymarvel @blisfvll @icintliviinyiniilsiji @gloriousrebelrunaway @heistmaster69 @victorialynn7 @inkhearthes @wollymalfoy

#draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy x sister reader #malfoy reader #george weasley x reader #george weasley fanfiction #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy x oc #draco malfoy reader insert #george weasley fluff #draco malfoy fluff #draco x reader #george x reader #narcissa malfoy #lucius malfoy #draco malfoy fanfics #draco fluff #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter x reader #harry potter reader inserts

[1kook]

late fee

jeon jeongguk x (f) reader

summary: “Captain Underpants isn’t glorified by all the tryhards, so when I pick those books, you’re unknowingly more interested in me.” tags: f2l, flirty kook, jk’s obsession w/captain underpants, he’s a fuckboy but he’s a soft fuckboy dont get it twisted, campus boy crush jk(yes again), jk abuses the FuCK out of pet names, miss koo1aid actually writes some PLOT warnings: much flirting, nsfw bc of a lot of heavy petting, pussy eatin’, a lil dirty talk, very s l i g h t coochie sniffing, BUT!!! protected sex :) wc: 10.3k

i wrote another fic (applause) and the entire thing is based off my belief that jungkook 10000% would enjoy captain underpants books. not proofread bc i am a hermit and speak to exactly 0 ppl on here, que dios los bendiga

“Helloooo, sexy librarian,” Jeongguk says the moment he steps through the door, lopsided grin adorning his features as he swaggers over to obnoxiously lean against your desk. You can’t even pretend you didn’t see him, his presence so blaringly consuming, and evident in the way some dorky high schoolers glance over to gawk at him.

“What book are you checking out today, Jeon?” You muse instead, leaving your desk chair to head over to the stack of new books that needed to be stamped. As you turn, Jeongguk whistles at the sight, and you don’t even have it in you anymore to retort back the same way you would when he first started bugging you. “Also, are you aware that your copy of Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants is due tomorrow? It’s a dollar for every day it’s late—”

“You needn’t worry longer, baby,” Jeongguk interrupts, and the loud smack of a hardcover against the desk catches your attention. There lies Jeongguk’s Captain Underpants book, alongside the paperback copy of Beloved that has definitely seen better days.

You furrow your brows. “When did you check out this one?” You question, checking the spine to make sure the book belongs to your library. Much to your surprise, there’s no barcode on the side, and no stamp on the inside.

Your question goes unanswered as Jeongguk jumps into a full-length novella recapture of the hot frat party he’d been to last weekend, and how the Zeta Theta Psi guys knew how to party. That Jimin fellow that Jeongguk frequently mentions had apparently snorted a line of coke off their friend Seokjin’s broad shoulders just to prove his friend had godly proportions. It’s weird, but Jeongguk says it’s because you have to ride for your bros. You try to act uninterested, but Jeongguk’s a funny guy, really, and you can only hide so many chuckles with the sound of a stamp.

He’s in the middle of trying to cover up of one of his frequent trysts after accidentally exposing himself—”Don’t get it twisted, baby, I just took her upstairs to call her friend.”—when Namjoon comes out of the back room looking for you. He barely glances at your guest, before handing you a list of overdue books.

“Would you mind calling these people?” He asks, voice soft, just as everything else was about Namjoon. “They’re all a week past.”

“Yikes,” you say, eyes scanning over the list. Surprisingly, Jeongguk is still there, hovering over you as if waiting for you to dismiss him. “Do you mind, Jeon?” You say, channeling your best customer service voice. As much as Namjoon was wary of him, he still considered Jeongguk a patron in your establishment and hated to see him treated poorly, no matter how many library rules Jeongguk broke.

“Of course,” he sighs, and you miss the hostile glare he throws Namjoon when you whirl around for a highlighter. “I’ll see you later, sweetheart,” he says when you turn back around, stretching ana rm in your direction.

Half of you knows exactly what he’ll do, but the other half of you, the one trying desperately to act like his advances have no effect on you, have you placing your palm in his. You’re not super surprised when he tugs your hand upward, pecking your knuckles with a flirty wink. “Adios, Juliet,” he smirks.

“Wrong language,” you inform him, rolling your eyes nonchalantly even though your heart is beating one hundred miles per second. Jeongguk cackles, loud as all hell in the silent library, before making his exit.

It’s silent for all of twenty seconds before Namjoon jumps right into it. “So are you seeing him, or…” he interrogates, trying to act like he’s hardly interested, but you’ve known and worked alongside Namjoon long enough to know he’s secretly the community gossip.

You ignore him, choosing to jam the buttons on the phone instead.

The weird thing about Jeongguk, was that, although he was notoriously known amongst the undergraduates (and even some graduates, because he just had it like that, you suppose) as one of the biggest fuckboys, he was different. Not to sound like every teen romcom you’d ever scanned, but he genuinely was. For starters, he’d fuck your brains out and then make you his best friend the morning after. He definitely had a very peculiar, and backwards, way of doing the whole one night stand thing.

All this you’ve gathered from your friends, who, at one point have had some sort of encounter with Jeongguk. Dahyun’s was last spring at a club event, when he’d oh so smoothly flirted with her for a solid hour before realizing she didn’t swing that way. Which is how they become close friends, which is how, by association, Jeongguk set his sights on you.

Your introduction to Jeongguk wasn’t anything out of the ordinary; he’d been tagging along behind Dahyun like a lost puppy, begging her for some class notes, and had subsequently followed her all the way to your favorite meeting place. From then, he’d dropped his petulant, childish act and put on his macho face, chest puffed and eyes hooded as he devoured your very presence.

The next time you see him, it’s at a frat party where some guy had been harping on you go upstairs with him. Another weird thing about Jeongguk, he hated when other fuckboys didn’t utilize their brains. You assume it’s because it gives the fuckboy community a bad rep as a whole, but Jeongguk hated when guys were overbearing. So he’d taken the initiative to snatch you away from that fellow, guiding you all the way back to Dahyun and friends just to make sure you were alright. Somewhere along the way, you’d informed him you worked at the local library—”The one that does bingo on Tuesdays?” “That’s for senior citizens only, why do you know that?”—and he’d never left you alone again.

This time, he spots you in the dining hall.

“You come here often, dollface?” He says the moment he slides up beside you, instantly zeroing in on the burrito wrap on your plate. Like the little immature baby he is, his hand immediately snakes out to touch the precariously wrapped white tortilla holding the deliciousness inside, and you have to physically slap the offender away. He jumps, bumping into a girl standing in line behind him, not that particularly cares. “So, it’s fuck Jeongguk hours, huh?” He huffs, adorning his face with that uppity glare he mastered from watching Mean Girls on repeat a few months ago.

“Your plate is stacked, but you wanna grab the one thing on mine,” you point out, and his lips curl into a smile at your response. “By the way, your book is past due.”

At this he gasps, all real, no Regina George effects added. “You’re lying,” he chokes, switching his plate to his other hand, and you nearly jump when the muffin balancing dangerously on top shifts. He tugs his phone out of the pocket of his sweats, scanning through his remind app until he sees that his book is overdue by three days. He groans, staring at the ceiling in shame.

You nod, breezing over his inner meltdown. “Was wondering when we were gonna get the wedgie winner, or whatever its called, back.”

He scoffs, giving you an unimpressed glare. “Wrath of the Wicked Wedgie Woman,” he corrects, looking so disappointed that you don’t have these bizarre titles memorized. “For such a pretty librarian, you sure are ignorant to these literary masterpieces.”

This makes you cackle, and your cheeks flush when at least three people turn to stare at your outburst. “You aren’t seriously calling these Captain Underpants books masterpieces,” you snort. Jeongguk shrugs, and you begin to wonder if he really is as airheaded as the characters he admires. “Jeon,” you try to reason, giving him a pleading look, because arguing the credibility of kids novels in line for lunch simply does not seem real. You must have been warped into another dimension where all pretty boys are as dumb as the movies make them out to seem.

“Listen,” he says, smiling when you grow desperate for him to prove you wrong. “I’ve read a lot of good books, but nothing tops a hypnotized superhero principal fighting crime in his underwear.”

You sigh, paying for your meal, and then, surprisingly, waiting for him to pay for his. You tell yourself it’s because you want to finish this conversation, but part of you just genuinely enjoys being in Jeongguk’s presence. Gag.

“I saw you with Beloved last week,” you carry on the second he’s done giving flirty eyes to the middle-aged cashier. “Now that’s a masterpiece.”

He nods in agreement. “But, baby,” he purrs, and the sudden switch from weird, 12 year-old literary enthusiast to grown as hell, suave bastard has you jolting a step that you try to play off by pretending to look at something on the ground. “How else will you remember my face?”

You blank. “What the hell are you talking about.”

Jeongguk gives you a pointed look. “Sweetheart, you wouldn’t remember a damn thing about me if I did what every other stuck-up bastard did trying to pick up chicks at the library.” You tilt your head in confusion. Jeongguk sighs. “If I went in every rainy Friday and checked out a Tale of Two Cities, or Oliver Twist, or some other Charles Dickens shit, you wouldn’t glance my way.”

“Do people still read Dickens?” You say instead, glossing over the fact that apparently Jeongguk’s visits were apparently blatant attempts to flirt with girls. Finally, you find a suitable spot at a long, dinner table so you don’t have to sit completely alone with Jeongguk.

“You know damn well better than I do that that those wannabe sophisticated books have waitlists.” He shoves half a pizza slice into his mouth, and you hate how your eyes immediately laser in on the strong movements of his jaw. “My point is,” he says through a greasy mouthful. “Captain Underpants isn’t glorified by all the tryhards, so when I pick those books, you’re unknowingly more interested in me.”

You cradle your burrito in your palms, rolling his words around your head for a bit. Jeongguk doesn’t particularly seem like he’s awaiting an answer, munching through the mountain of food on his plate as you revel in your thoughts.

It’s right when you go to take your first bite that you finally come to a conclusion. “But have you ever considered I’m interested in you because I think you’re funny?”

Silence. Jeongguk stares at you through his fringe, pizza slice slowly going limp in his hold as he absorbs your words. Before you know it, his ears flush red. He splutters. “I-You think I’m funny?” He asks, cheeks slowly growing rosy as well, and his lips quirk in a cute way to the side, as if he’s trying desperately to hide his excitement.

You nod, because it’s true, why would you lie? “Duh. You come in every week and just talk about your day, Jeongguk,” you say, as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “I think you’re very interesting and entertaining without trying.”

“Thanks,” he mutters, and for the first time, you’re thrown off by how adorable this man looks, lips pressed tight to contain a smile from your compliments.

Realization hits you all at once, but you’ve long since trained in the fluid art of avoiding your emotions.

“There’s a party tonight,” Dahyun announces from her desk, not even bothering to glance at you when you return from the showers. You hum, not really that interested in whatever is going on this fine Thursday evening. You plop down at your own desk, starting your skincare routine.

Dahyun lets you relax in the soothing motions of self care for all of three seconds before she adds, “Jeongguk wanted to know if you’re coming.”

You press down too hard on the pump of your moisturizer, sending a large glomp onto the tips of your fingers. “That’s nice,” you say, trying to play it off, but you doubt Dahyun hadn’t heard the little spaz you had, or that she couldn’t sense the way your body immediately lit aflame at the mention of him and you in the same sentence.

She turns in her seat, and you catch sight of her in your mirror. You avert your eyes right away, because Dahyun had many talents, and her best one was reading your mind with a single gaze. You maintain an aura of unbothered and uninterested, finishing with the rest of your skincare.

Just when you think you’re safe, Dahyun pounces.

“Y’know,” she says, and you can hear the grin in her voice. “He hasn’t slept with anyone in almost a month. In fuckboy time, that’s the equivalent of two years.”

You roll your eyes, putting away your products before trying to busy yourself with anything else. “He probably has, but with people who know how to keep their mouths shut.”

Faintly, you hear Dahyun’s chair scrape against the carpet, and then suddenly she has you in a headlock. “Admit you like Jeongguk or I will throw your toothbrush into the toilet on the third floor.”

You choke, grappling her arms in an attempt to pry her off. “No,” you huff, switching tactics to tangle a hand in her silver locks. “Why would I confess to something that isn’t true?”

She shrieks when you give a sharp tug, sending her careening sideways against the foot of your bed, but not without taking you with her. “You are lying to yourself and to the entire librarian community, you sick fuck.”

You snort. “The fuck does Namjoon have to do with this?”

“He told me Jeongguk’s been bringing you Starbucks.”

Her reveal has you halting in your tracks, cheeks flushing at being exposed. “That gossiping fuck,” you seethe, finally loosening your grip on your friend. Somehow, you’ve ended up sprawled on the floor of her side of the room, nestled into the stupidly fluffy carpet she thrifted. She rolls onto her belly, propping herself up on her elbows to narrow her eyes at you.

“So it’s true,” she sighs. You shrug. “Well,” she claps her hands together. “Shimmy into that sexy dress from Windsor, we’re going out.”

You groan, rolling over in metaphorical agony. “Dude, I just washed my face. No way in hell, I’m putting on makeup now.” She considers your point for negative three seconds.

“The Glow Kit is in my bottom left drawer,” she announces right as she exits the room with her towel and shower essentials in hand.

The Glow Kit is in fact in Dahyun’s drawer, which is a little suspicious considering it’s the same one you thought you lost three months ago. Nonetheless, it never lets you down, and by the time you’re done with your makeup, you’re looking like a shimmering, little succubus in the hot dress from Windsor.

Normally, you and your self-esteem were rivals; never on the same page, always bickering, sworn enemies from birth. But right now, as you admire yourself in the closet mirror, you can’t help but marvel at how good you look in the slightly loose dress.

“Damn,” Dahyun says as soon as she returns, all fluffy in her towel. “You will fuck tonight, or else.”

“Hey, baby,” Jeongguk smiles at you the moment you walk in, hooded eyes raking over your body in an agonizingly slow manner. Dahyun chooses then to do her party trick—disappearing without a word.

“Hi…” you respond, voice meek in this party setting. There’s more people than you anticipated, which is weird because it’s a Thursday and surely some of these people have morning classes. You can’t comment, though, because you’re here knowing damn well you have an eight am tomorrow.

The music is blasting, so loud you can feel the bass shaking the floor, sending jolts up from your toes to your head with every beat. There’s people in every crevice of this household, some even taking refuge on the staircase leading up to the bedrooms. Someone brushes by you, and you instinctively step closer to the wall to avoid being in the way. You should have known Jeongguk would follow.

He ducks down to shout into your ear. “Wasn’t sure if you were coming tonight,” he tells you, right as one of his friends rushes by, thrusting a cup into his hand that Jeongguk doesn’t even stop to question. He takes a sip, then offers you some.

“Dahyun didn’t wanna come alone,” you lie, tentatively sipping from his cup only to realize it’s worse than any alcohol here: it’s Sprite. Jeongguk seems amused by your subtle disgust, immediately taking the cup back. You send out a light prayer for his stomach and his skin. “Aren’t you supposed to be out pulling hoes or something?” You say, trying to go for teasing and playful but missing by a mile.

Jeongguk grins. “Why would I do that when the only girl I want is right here,” he motions, and then does that cliche move where he places a hand by the wall behind you. The worst thing is, even though Jeongguk seems intent on pulling every cheesy act known to mankind, your heart actually races.

“Shut up,” you laugh, “you just like that I don’t charge you the late fees on your books.”

At this, Jeongguk genuinely smiles, nose scrunching up as he gazes at you. “False,” he argues, and then leans forward, same stupid dopey smile on his face. “I love a woman who snorts milk out of her nose.”

“Jeon!” You shriek, smacking his arm as embarrassment washes over you. “You said you would forget about that!”

Jeongguk cackles, all boyish and rough like he does when he’s around Hoseok for too long. Somehow, knowing you’re the cause of that charming laughter has your annoyance fading away, a soft smile crawling onto your features.

“I hate you,” you say instead, looking up and meeting his gaze dead on for the first time that night.

Jeongguk smirks. “Do you now?” He throws back, then takes a step forward. Your shoulder touches the wall when you take a tentative step back. You give a half-assed shrug, entranced by the playfulness that lurks behind his eyes. He gives you an exaggerated pout. “That sucks, because I,” he steps closer again, and this time he’s looking down at you over the bridge of his nose, “really like you.”

“I…” you trail off, too hypnotized by the pink tongue that swipes across his lips as he gazes at you. There is no hesitation on his face.

When you don’t say anything for another moment, Jeongguk ducks down. His nose bumps against yours, his breath warm as it fans across your face. “Y’know, I’d treat you so right,” he suddenly says, and your panties immediately turn into Niagara Falls at the newfound deepness of his voice. You feel lightheaded from his close proximity and promising words. “Could make you feel so good, baby, if you just let me.”

You shiver, nearly jumping out of your skin when a hand snakes its way around your waist, tugging you forward gently. Not overbearingly, because you know the last thing Jeongguk would ever do was want to make you uncomfortable. He pulls you close enough that it ends up being you who steps completely into his embrace. Your trembling hands find their place on his shoulders, and Jeongguk has never looked more content.

“You... only want sex,” you softly accuse, and the only reason your quiet voice doesn’t get lost in the noise is because of how close the two of you are.

Jeongguk bites his lip at your words, and you wonder if part of him is surprised that you’d so openly say such a thing. “Not with you,” he says eventually. “Wanna hold you like this forever, ___. And if that leads to you cumming on my tongue every now and then, well,” he smiles, “all fine by me.”

“Jeon,” you scold, scared that someone might have heard him.

“What?” He grins, pressing impossibly closer. His lip gives the slightest pucker, and you find yourself unconsciously leaning closer, the hand around your waist tightening. “I want you, baby.”

You can’t hide the lovestruck expression on your face as you look between his mouth and his eyes, and you wonder if he’s being honest.

Right as you’re about to throw all your doubts out the window and kiss him, you’re bombarded with the sound of obnoxious air horns from a DJ who obviously knows shit about, well, DJ-ing.

You jump at the sudden sound, bumping your head against the wall behind you. Jeongguk’s eyes widen. “Oh shit, are you okay?” He fusses, all traces of that suave, heartthrob replaced with a fretful Jeon.

“I’m fine,” you say, though you’re not because you’re absolutely dying right now. From the fact you almost gave into Jeongguk but also the embarrassment of hitting your head. “I-I need to find Dahyun,” you announce, and give Jeongguk no time to process that before you’re bolting into the crowded house like you just broke something.

jeon tell me you got home safe jeon please

You pause in the middle of removing your makeup, one eyelash on to symbolize the mess you are right now. Dahyun is humming some tune as she does the same, the both of you clad in your pajamas and fuzzy socks. Carefully, you pick up your phone.

you im home! me and the girls ubered home lol you sorry i didnt get to say goodbye :(

jeon dont worry abt it babe jeon just happy to know ur ok

“You better be texting Jeongguk, since you failed to complete the one job you had tonight,” Dahyun calls and you curse. You whirl around to face her, and she snorts at your one eyelash.

“Be honest,” you say. “If you were the campus crush who could get coochie every time he breathed, would you leave all that for me?”

Dahyun freezes. “Well, not when you’re only wearing one eyelash.” You groan, flopping into your seat uncomfortably. “Babe,” Dahyun sighs, as if sensing the gravity of your dilemma. “You’re hot! Everyone knows this except you.”

“But am I?” You whine. “Am I attractive or do you just feel obligated to say that because you’re my friend, be honest.”

“Oh my god,” she huffs, climbing into her bed, phone in hand. She doesn’t even bother looking your way when she’s all settled in. “You have this weird idea that Jeongguk is some intangible idol, as if you haven’t seen the dude deepthroat an entire bratwurst at the diversity fair. If anything, you’re the dream girl on campus, you stupid bitch.”

“The only true thing I heard is me being a stupid bitch,” you mope, and Dahyun throws a pillow at your face. You take this attack as initiative to finally take off your other lash, finishing your cleansing and moisturizing (for the second time) routine.

“Listen,” she says, setting her phone down to stare you dead in the eye. Her voice is devoid of any emotion. “If it makes you feel better, he wrote JK + __ on our group handout last week.”

You don’t sleep that night.

The last person you’re expecting to see at this secluded cafe on a Saturday morning was Jeon Jeongguk, yet here he was in all his delicious morning glory. By morning glory, you mean the soft, sleepy eyes that stare at you from across the table, voice so deep and husky.

“Why are you here if you just woke up?” You interrogate, settling into the empty seat in front of him. Carefully, you begin pulling things out of your bag, trying your best to not look away too long. This sight was rare, Jeongguk usually being at an energy level of about eighty seven at all times. To see him so tired and sluggish was unheard of.

He gestures over to where Taehyung is in the middle of what looks like a job interview. “Moral support,” Jeongguk informs you. You nod in understanding, before returning your gaze to the sleepy angel in front of you.

He’s ridiculously tired, eyes dropping shut every time you so much as pause for a second. He seems apologetic too, murmuring I’m sorry I’m sorry whenever his eyes flutter shut. Your heart was going haywire at the sight. “Jeon,” you say softly, and get one, soft hum in response. “I think you should go home, Taehyung seems fine.”

He shakes his head. “Needs me,” he murmurs, trying desperately to snap his eyes back open to no avail. Eventually, you make the call, packing your things up way earlier than usual. You haul Jeongguk out of his seat, him sleepily trailing after you as you drag him out of the shop. He sleeps on the short bus ride back to campus, and even almost sleeps on the elevator up to his dorm.

“In we go,” you announce, unlocking his door before nudging him inside. His roommate is nowhere to be found, oddly enough given the early hour. Jeongguk stumbles inside, plopping down on his bed right away. “Sleep.”

He lets out a high pitched whine the moment you turn to leave. “Come cuddle,” he huffs, face pressed against his pillow. His hair’s haloed around him, pout smushed against the cushion as he stares at you.

“You need to sleep,” you point out.

He rolls onto his back, patting the mattress beside him. “Wanna feel you,” he says. Your cheeks flush red. As if realizing the meaning behind his words, sleepy little Jeongguk takes the initiative to push you further. “Pressed against my body,” he drawls, his deep chuckle resonating throughout your body. “C’mon, baby, too scared to be in bed with me?”

You scoff, though your cheeks are warm. “You wouldn’t do anything anyway, you’re half asleep.”

Jeongguk shrugs, lips quirking to the side as he motions to his side again. “So? Can tell you like it slow anyway,” he grunts, before sitting up and shuffling to the edge of the bed and assuming a sitting position. Without warning, he catches your wrist in his hand and tugs you between his spread thighs.

He’s more awake than he’s been all morning, and part of you is happy but the other is anxious. God, was this boy dangerous.

“You’re half asleep, Jeon,” you say, trying to diffuse the sudden sexual tension. Jeongguk smiles up at you.

“Cmon, baby,” he exhales, and one fluid tug has you plopping onto his thigh. You startle at the sudden change, grabbing onto his shoulders for support. All he does is laugh some more, nuzzling his face against your neck as your heart goes into panic mode. “Bet I could get in so deep,” he murmurs, breath tickling your neck and you feel your legs turn to jelly.

“G-Gguk,” you try to warn, but it ends up sounding more like a plea. For what, you’re not entirely sure.

A sudden kiss to the junction of your neck and shoulder has your spirit ascending into another plane. Jeongguk smiles at your pliant body. “Look at you,” he continues, kissing down your neck until your body is physically quivering. “So sensitive. No one ever touched you like this before, doll?”

You shake your head no, and nearly jump out of your own skin when a hand clasps onto the inside of your thigh. “Jeon, we shouldn’t…” you choke out, even though your traitorous hand clamps down on his and pushes it closer to where you need him most.

“We shouldn’t?” He teases, and then cups your sex.

You transcend.

Jeongguk laughs, airy chuckles fanning across your jaw. “Then stop,” he tells you, the both of you watching as your hips unconsciously grind into his palm. Even when you tell yourself you need to stop, your body feels heavenly being touched by him, so you physically can’t.

“I can’t,” you reiterate, and muffle a moan against the side of his face when he presses a finger down on where he knows your clit is hiding. The thin leggings you’d worn did nothing to spare you.

“God, you’re so fucking sexy,” he sighs, watching you work yourself on his hand. He traces his index finger over the seam of your leggings, where your folds meet and you moan again. “You gonna let me finish you off, princess? Gonna let me finger your tight little pussy until you cry? But I bet you’d make the prettiest noises if I licked you down there. Or are you gonna cum in your panties like this?”

All the different ideas he stuffs into your brain are overwhelming, especially when the only thing you really want is to be stuffed with his fingers and cock. “J-Just do it,” you beg.

“Do what?” He plays, watching the way your face contorted with every brush against your mound.

“Whatever you want,” you cry, biting down on your fist to stop any more noises from spilling out.

Jeongguk smiles, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. Such a simple gesture, but it has your stomach somersaulting. God, you needed this. You were practically sobbing for his dick, which was embarrassing in itself, but actually getting dicked down sort of cancelled it out. PEMDAS or whatever. 

Just as his hand creeps to the hem of your leggings, there’s a rattle of the doorknob, and you jump. The cloud of lust that had engulfed you two fades away and you’re suddenly aware of the jingling of a key outside.

“What the fuck,” Jeongguk whisper-shouts, looking absolutely scandalized that his roommate is coming home at this moment of all moments.

“Should I hide?” You whisper back, never having been in such a situation before. Jeongguk looks at you like you’re stupid.

“Just,” he sighs, standing up. He ruffles his hair anxiously. “Just… act natural.”

You sit perfectly still. “Not like a Sim!!”

“Captain Underpants and the Invasion of the Incredibly Naughty Cafeteria Ladies from Outer Space (and the Subsequent Assault of the Equally Evil Lunchroom Zombie Nerds),” you read, gasping for breath by the end of it. Jeongguk beams at you. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Nope,” Jeongguk says, leaning over the counter and watching as you scan his book under his name. “I’ll let you know how it is.”

You roll your eyes, writing down the return date on a piece of paper you stuff inside. “Please do, I’m absolutely dying to read this book.”

You hand the book over to Jeongguk, and try to ignore the way he stares at you for a second too long. Namjoon chooses this exact moment to take his lunch break, sauntering off whistling the the Angry Birds tune.

Right before Jeongguk can jump into an interrogation, the door swings open and Jisoo from your sociology elective saunters in, carrying the same mountain of books you had checked out for her two weeks ago.

“___, hi!” She exclaims right away. She, too, was infected with the same bimbo disease as Jeongguk, the one where they both had no concept of being quiet in a library.

“Hi,” you greet back, immediately standing to take the books from her. “Did you actually read through all of these?” You ask, trying to make polite small talk. You’re not particularly close to her, but it’d be rude to act like you didn’t know her.

She laughs at your comment. “Oh god, no. I just open random pages and reference them for essays,” she admits.

You try to make more small talk with her as you scan through her books, but the girl literally almost hit the material limit, which is fifty books, so you soon become consumed in scanning the barcode, briefly flipping through the book for any damage, and then repeating it all over. You’re not surprised when she drifts away, and you’re mentally cursing Namjoon for going on break now of all times.

It’s about ten minutes later when you’re all done, the computer’s library system going haywire on you, the same way it had when she first checked out all these books. You look away from the screen, standing to face Jisoo, only to find she’s drifted to the other end of the welcome desk, where a certain someone had gone to while you served her.

Oh.

You’re not anticipating the wave of jealousy that hits you watching gorgeous, smart Jisoo talk to Jeongguk. She matches him perfectly, both so beautiful it hurts. It’s when she says something to him that you snap out of it. “When can I come over again?” Soft enough that you wouldn’t have heard if you hadn’t been paying attention.

Jeongguk’s toying with a bookmark stand, but you still see the quirk of his lips on his face when she says that.

All you can do is watch from the sidelines, so close yet somehow miles away as he says something back to her that gets drowned out by the thundering of your heart. You suppose it’s only natural for a guy like Jeongguk to flirt with girls, and he’d never said he only, exclusively wanted you. Really, you shouldn’t be as surprised.

But you are.

You’re surprised and, dare you say it, discouraged by the scene. He’d been so eager to finally win you over the other night, so much so that he made you feel special with every word he uttered and every look he gave you. You’d almost believed in his sincerity, but seeing him so easily converse with Jisoo about whatever past they have, served as a cold reminder that you and Jeongguk believe in two completely different relationship styles.

So you sit back down, gnawing on your lip as you try to do other duties, clicking around uselessly on your computer until eventually, Jisoo wanders back.

“Am I all set?” She smiles, and you can’t even find it in you to dislike her. You plaster on your best customer service smile, nodding and handing her back her library card. She thanks you three times over for the hassle, before waving goodbye to you and Jeongguk.

When the door falls shut behind her, you immediately drop the facade, though Jeongguk doesn’t seem to notice. “Whew. She left a lot of work for you,” he laughs, eyeing the big stack beside you. You don’t even bother responding, as, at that moment, Namjoon returns from his lunch break.

(How convenient! You swear this fucker had a sixth sense for knowing when work was about to become hard.)

“Joon, I’m taking my break now,” you announce, and Namjoon stares at you like a deer in headlights, the last bite of a sandwich raised to his mouth.

“Uh,” he says, 140 IQ and all. He glances behind you at Jeongguk, who also is confused as all hell. “Okay, then.”

“___?” Jeongguk questions. You stalk off, pushing the gate away from the desk before bursting into the employee break room right across from it.

You cry the moment you get home, and Dahyun jumps ten feet out of her bed in shock. Her girlfriend, Momo, is sitting on the floor painting her toes. “Oh no,” she cries, sweet and understanding in all the ways Dahyun wasn’t. “My poor baby, what’s wrong?” She asks, waddling over in the my-nail-polish-hasn’t-dried-yet way to hug you.

“He was flirting with another girl,” you sob, dropping your bag by the door as Momo continues fawning over you, wiping your face with tissues. Dahyun gets out of bed, cracks her fingers, and promptly announces:

“I’m gonna kill him.”

Initially, you would have let her. But after a while you manage to calm down, loud Kim Kardashian sobs fading into tiny hiccups as the two of them coddle you. You tell them all about what terrible, good for nothing Jeongguk did, and in true female solidarity, they vow to kick his ass for you. Eventually, you settle on not whooping his ass, just cutting any romantic notions with him off to avoid further heartbreak. After all, you were kinda friends before you had your little crush revelation.

It’s later in the night when you announce you maybe got 2% over him, which the girls count as an absolute win, but then Jeongguk texts you and they groan at the way you jump for your phone.

jeon hey can we talk ? jeon did I do something wrong today? jeon felt like u were mad at me lol, and then u took a really long break and I had to leave for class so I didn’t even get to see u again jeon just wanna know if everything is ok

You read through the messages a couple times, and wonder if he’s being serious and didn’t see anything sus with his actions, or if he’s just toying with your emotions. Momo tugs Dahyun away to give you some sort of privacy, and then you’re left alone in your thoughts.

you everything’s fine ! you I just wasn’t feeling well lol

He responds right away.

jeon please don’t lie to me ___ jeon I know what you’re probably thinking and I just want to say it’s not like that

For some reason, him saying he knows you enough to know your thoughts irritates you. He obviously didn’t know shit about you if he was out here making you look like a clown. Your fingers type before you can even think.

you lmao you thats funny

jeon ?

you you most def do not know what I’m thinking so please just take my word when I say I felt sick

jeon lmao. what do you mean...

you you barely know ME besides the fact I work @ the library and dorm w Dahyun. don't say u know what I’m thinking, bc that would imply you know me on a closer level which you don’t

jeon ok seriously what's up with you?  jeon im trying to make sure ur okay but ur just being difficult as fuck

you I’m not being difficult I’m just being real

jeon ur not tho, ur being defensive for no reason at all

you so? we’re barely friends and we barely know each other, how I feel is none of ur business

jeon lmfaoooo, so now we’re barely friends?

you thats what I said didnt I

You set your phone aside when you don’t immediately see the texting dots appear, assuming your dry response is probably enough to ward Jeongguk off. Your face feels warm, and you’re not sure if it’s from frustration or anger, but you guess it’s both. You’re not sure what set you off, the fact Jeongguk wants to act like he knows you, as if he wasn’t just chasing after you for some pussy, or the fact he wanted to act like some all-knowing being when it came to your feelings.

Eitherway, you’re extremely heated, grinding your teeth together when five minutes pass and he hasn’t texted you back. As if sensing the tension, Momo and Dahyun abruptly announce that they’re going to the ice cream place down the street, offering to bring something back to which you decline.

They leave, the heavy door slamming shut behind them. You get exactly two seconds of peace and quiet before your phone starts going off like crazy, all from Jeongguk.

jeon you’re starting to piss me off jeon drop the attitude baby. jeon bc I can be just as mean as u jeon and I won’t hesitate to make you cry

You blink. Every ounce of your body that had been consumed with an unknown anger slowly fades away as you stare wide eyed at Jeongguk’s messages. This was nothing like the Jeongguk you knew; he was soft and playful. He never raised his voice at you, and he’d never been anything less than a sweetheart.

you I don’t have an attitude

Is your feeble reply, too scared to reply to any other part of his message because you truly had no experience with this Jeongguk.

jeon so then put your big girl pants on and tell me what’s wrong jeon enough w this other shit

You sigh, snuggling into your covers as you absentmindedly tap the back of your phone.

you nothing is wrong

He doesn’t reply for a couple minutes again, but Dahyun sends you a text letting you know her and Momo decided to go to an event on the other side of campus, and telling you not to wait up. You reply back a simple ok right as Jeongguk responds.

jeon ok. so let me tell you what’s wrong then jeon you’re mad bc I was speaking to Jisoo today and she asked abt coming over jeon she comes over all the time jeon bc she is my roommates girlfriend

Your mind goes blank.

How embarrassing to have your mind read word for word, even more so when apparently, your worries weren’t even plausible. God. Instantly you feel stupid, replaying today’s entire scene and trying desperately to find something to catch Jeongguk in a lie. But other than asking that one question, there had been no other interesting talk between the two.

Your phone pings again, and you scramble to type a response, only to freeze at the words on the screen

jeon what blows me is that i don’t even owe u shit especially not an explanation jeon u don’t give 2 flying fucks about me. U just like the attention I give u and watching me make a fool of myself for u jeon I bend over backwards chasing after you, trying to get you to notice me, but you’ve done nothing to show me u feel the same jeon but you’re the one allowed to get mad when I speak to other girls? like u said “ that’s funny ”

Oh, no. Immediately your heart comes crashing down, and your fingers tremble as you watch Jeongguk slip away right before your eyes.

you Jeongguk you it’s not like that please you I like you so much, it’s just hard for me to

jeon to what? Get over your stupid stereotype of me?? jeon lmfao. Yeah that must be sooo hard jeon it’s whatever tho bc I had one of u too jeon my dream girl

This is not what you expected when he said he’d make you cry.

“Honey, you just have to talk to him,” Momo says the next morning, pressing a cucumber slice onto your eyes. You flinch at the initial iciness, but then relax when she brushes your hair out of your face. You’d gone to sleep a wreck, crying and sobbing as you thought desperately on how to win Jeongguk back, but everything he had said was true.

You’d done nothing but reject him since the beginning, had only just begun treating him as a friend, yet you instantly placed the blame on him at the first signs of trouble. God, he was right. You’d been selfish this entire time, and now he wasn’t responding to your messages anymore.

Dahyun nods from her cocoon at the foot of your bed. “I’m sure it’ll be easier in person, text convos are always weird,” she tries to comfort you. “But keep those slices on, those bags under your eyes are no joke.”

Momo smacks her calf. “Be nice! She’s going through a crisis.”

Right as you’re about to pay for your meal and sprint back to hide in your dorm, you spot a coconut head of hair facing the windows in the far corner of the dining hall. Fuck. Faintly, you can hear Dahyun’s voice shouting for you to stop being a pussy and go talk to him. You pause by the exit, one leg in one leg out, before saying fuck it. If worse comes to worse, you transfer schools and live with heartbreak and three cats for the rest of your life.

“I-Is someone sitting here?” You say before you can chicken out, and mentally curse yourself for stuttering. Oh, the social horror.

Jeongguk visibly jumps at your voice, wide doe eyes staring at you as if he expected to never see you again. After all, it’s been a week since your little fight, three days since you last tried texting him. He shakes his head, turning his attention back to his plate, but not before tugging the hoodie of his sweater over his head in a classic self defensive tactic.

You slide into the seat, staring at the plate of food like you’ve never seen it in your life, never mind the fact you picked it out less than fifteen minutes ago. You accidentally scrape your fork against the bottom, and the both of you cringe.

Jeongguk clears his throat, hands clasped together between his thighs as he stares out the window. “Don’t you have work?” He asks, voice raspy.

You shake your head. “I took the week off,” you confess, hoping he doesn’t press for more, because then you’d have to tell him your reasoning was due to heartache.

“Oh. That’s nice,” he says, and then you fall into a pit of awkward silence.

You push the food around on your plate, hoping he’ll say something, anything to save the two of you. In the end, he stays silent, sleepily glancing out the windows.

When you look closer, though, Jeongguk doesn’t look much hot than you. He’s got the same bags as you under his eyes, and his hair looks messier than his usual messy style. The fact he’s wearing his blue crocs out in public only confirms your theory.

After a solid five minutes of silence, even your hungry stomach managing to stay quiet, you decide enough is enough.

You shift ever so slightly, until you’re somewhat facing him and clear your throat; Jeongguk barely spares you a glance. “The Preposterous Plight of the Purple Potty People,” you blurt. Jeongguk blinks, face slowly morphing into one of confusion. Your cheeks feel hot under his gaze, having missed his brown eyes in the past week. “It’s your favorite one,” you announce. “Of the Captain Underpants books.”

After a moment, Jeongguk snorts, turning his attention away from you. “You’re not gonna win me over with that,” he says curtly, and your heart tightens at his emotionless tone of voice.

But you’ve done your research, and you’re not letting it go to waste. “You like George more than Harold because you think he contributes more. You love the characterization of Mr. Krupp the most, but you hate his theme song. You think the cover art could use some work, but you enjoy the overall art style. You hated the movie adaptation because Kevin Hart was in it,” you list, recalling every bit of information you’ve ever heard Jeongguk share about the stupid novels.

There’s a small quirk in the corner of Jeongguk’s lips, but it’s not the one you’re aiming for, so you switch tactics. “You hate the smell of bananas because you don’t think it should have a smell. You can’t put your left sock on first, because it’s bad luck to you. Your mom still washes your sheets for you. You know the lyrics to the original Dragon Ball series in three languages. You like wearing rings because it makes you feel like a pimp. You hate when Hoseok calls you the baby, because, according to you, you bench press his weight times two.”

“And a half,” he softly corrects, gazing at his hands, cheeks slightly tinged with red. You bite your lip, tentatively reaching a hand out to place on his arm. He looks at you right away, doe eyes so vulnerable and scared, like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

“I said we barely knew each other, but that was a lie,” you chuckle humorlessly, suddenly feeling your eyes tear up just remembering the conversation. “I know so much about you because I love listening to you talk. I love hearing your voice, and watching you wrestle with your friends, and fight with Dahyun. But I never tell you,” you bite your lip, blinking your eyes to backtrack the tears.

“And you’re right, I made you do all the work and I’m sorry, but I’m just so scared, Jeongguk,” you admit, voice cracking on his name. Your press a hand over your mouth, trying to collect yourself. Suddenly, a soft hand gently pats your thigh, and you find yourself reaching down to tangle your fingers together. “You can have anyone, Jeongguk, and you obviously know this,” you sigh. “I’m scared that I won’t be enough for you.”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Jeongguk says, voice soft in the way you’ve missed so much. His hand, shaky and unsure, reaches up to brush a tear from the corner of your eye. “Look at me,” he commands, and you do. “I think we’re both stupid, because I feel like I’ve never been enough for you,” he confesses with a chuckle you try to replicate through sniffles.

Suddenly, he’s close, forehead pressed to yours. “And maybe it’s true,” he says. “You won’t be enough for me, and I’ve never been enough for you.” Your heart aches at his words. “But that’s okay,” he assures, squeezing your thigh between his fingers. “We don't have to be right now, but we can try.”

You nod, clamping down a sob. “God, I hate how optimistic you are,” you laugh, and he smiles, cupping your face in his hands.

“And I hate watching you cry,” he says, fingers wiping your cheeks. Before you can say what you’re thinking, he’s snatching the words right out of you, “yes, I know I said what I said, and I felt like such a dick typing it, I made Jimin flick my forehead right after.”

You giggle, and he beams that dreamy smile at you again. “I’m gonna kiss you now,” he announces, and your heart thunders in your chest faster than the wings of a hummingbird.

And he does.

“I don’t know, I think Kevin Hart sounds great in this,” you mention, and you feel the hard scoff Jeongguk lets out from your position cradled on his chest. “It’s not the worst thing in the world,” you defend.

“You’re sick,” he says, then pauses the Captain Underpants movie to engage in your third debate of the evening. You’re barely fifteen minutes in. “You think that weirdo did George justice? How? In what world?”

“Babe, it’s just a voice actor,” you placate. “No one died because Mr. Hart voiced him.”

Jeongguk splutters. “Mr. Hart—you don’t know this man! And something did die! My hopes for a sequel!”

You shush him, pressing your index finger to his lips. “Enough complaints, Rotten Tomatoes. We won’t even finish at this rate.”

Jeongguk hits play, grumbling under his breath.

Just as you’d predicted, you don’t even make it to the halfway mark before Jeongguk’s got you on your back, plush lips working yours until they’re bruised, tongue halfway down your throat. “The mov—“ you mumble.

“Fuck Mr. Hart,” Jeongguk says, kissing down your jaw like he can’t allow himself to miss a single spot. When he reaches the collar of your shirt, he wastes no time tugging it off of you. You whine, instinctively covering your chest. “Don’t be shy,” he chuckles, “here, look-,” he tugs his sweatshirt over his head, and you’re met with the strong muscles of his abdomen and pecs, “-twins.”

You roll your eyes. “Just kiss me, Mr. Jeon,” you tease, wrapping your hands around him to bring him closer. He chokes, and mumbles something about saving that for another time.

Before you know it, he’s kissing between your thighs, soft lips producing the most erotic sounds with every smooch he gives. “Can I take these off?” he asks, one lone finger creeping beneath the hem of your panties, right where your hip is. You nod, biting your lower lip hard the moment he begins sliding them down. His hands are soft as they glide over your legs, and when he finally tugs them away from your ankles, he wastes no time nudging your legs open for him.

“Don’t just look at it,” you whine, jabbing his ribs with your foot. Jeongguk grins.

“Sorry I stare, you’re just so pretty,” he smiles, and you muffle an annoyed groan into your palms. “Gonna eat you out now,” he announces, finally, and you uncover your face to watch the way he lowers his mouth onto your throbbing pussy, pink tongue coming out to lick at your clit.

The first press of the wet muscle has your toes curling, back arched. You’d been craving this for the longest, and just as you’d expect, it’s better than any fantasy. “Right there,” you moan, reaching down to tangle a hand in Jeongguk’s wavy hair, the other fisting the pillow beneath your head.

Jeongguk absorbs all your tiny reactions, toying with your clit just how you like it. He rolls his tongue around it, making sure every part has been in his mouth at least once. When he suctions his lips around it and moans like this was getting him off, your body melts. “Fuck,” you cry out, your thighs quivering around his head. Part of you wants to slam them shut, hide from his tongue and all its devious ministrations. But the other part has never felt so good in your entire life.

When Jeongguk decides he’s pampered your swollen clit enough, he gives it one final kiss, wet and slippery. “Good?” He smiles up at you, lips slick with your juices. You nod, probably already looking fucked out. He smirks at your response, and your heart backflips in your chest, when he reaches up to knot your fingers together.

He kisses your knuckle and you whine. “How many fingers do you want?” He asks, and you blurt out the first number you can think of.

“Eight,” you choke, and immediately flush in embarrassment afterwards.

Jeongguk laughs, dropping his head to your thigh in a fit of giggles. He looks absolutely ethereal there, soft brown hair sprawled across your skin like an angel. “Smaller numbers, baby, please,” he chuckles. You shrug, so he decides for you. “How about I just use my tongue instead?” You think you might love him.

He settles back down, lips pressing against your mound one final time, before he’s diving in. You mewl right away, body becoming one with the mattress beneath you at the first brush of his tongue.

“Oh, Jeongguk,” you gasp, hands burying themselves in his scalp again. He hums in response, and the sound has every nerve in your body lighting up. His tongue prods against your folds, slowly licking his way deeper and deeper into your cunt.

The worst comes when he sighs against your pussy, literally sighs, like he’s so blessed to be there. “You’re s-so good at this,” you cry out, trembling fingers twisting his hair so tightly that you manage to pull him off just an inch. He pinches your thigh in warning, before stuffing his tongue into you again, absolutely plunging into the depths of your hole.

Just when you think he couldn’t possibly outdo this, he jolts up suddenly, nose brushing against your clit. His eyes go wide for the slightest second, as if he really hadn’t planned that, before flickering at you.

To your utter embarrassment, he takes one long whiff, eyes rolling to the back of his head in pleasure.

He pulls away from your dripping hole. “You smell so fucking good,” he informs you, spreading a fiery blush across your cheeks.

“Thanks?” You say, and he grins, shuffling onto his knees all of a sudden. You mope the loss of his tongue on your pussy, but forget about it the second he reaches for his desk and returns with a condom.

He tears the foil packet open with gentle hands, eyes weirdly zeroed in on that only. You nudge his hip, and when he meets your gaze, he instantly averts it. Like he’s suddenly shy.

Oh he was gonna be the death of you.

You tug his boxers down and get to revel in more of those bashful glances, but you soon forget about that when he grips his rock hard member in one hand, jacking it to its full potential. “Ready?” He says, one hand gripping your hip, the other his cock. You nod, and then shift up onto your elbows to watch him sink into you.

You can barely keep your eyes open, the second the tip of his cock brushes against you your eyes roll back into your head. You moan, letting yourself flop back against the mattress, chest heaving with each inch he sinks in. “Fuck, you’re big,” you cry, biting down on your fist.

Jeongguk chuckles. “Yeah?” He grunts, and then stills as he waits for you to catch your breath. He gives you exactly four seconds before he’s thrusting the remainder of the way in.

Your back arches off the bed, a high-pitched moan ripping itself out of your throat. “Jeon!”

“Relax, relax,” he croons, releasing your hip to lean over you, peppering your face in kisses. You’re heaving for air, so overwhelmed with emotions. “You’re doing so good for me, doll,” he comforts, kissing every inch of you until you regain your wits. “So wet and warm for me, you have no idea how bad I wanna just ram my cock into your tight, little pussy.”

You huff, heart still skipping by the time you grow familiar with the sheer size of his dick inside of you. When you’ve finally come back down to earth, eyes fluttering at Jeongguk, he gives you one affirmative nod before he begins really fucking you.

He starts carefully, like he’s afraid he’ll break you with one push. You’re thankful that he’s at least somewhat aware of his own bear strength, but you’d prefer if he picked up the pace. Before you can file a complaint, he’s hiking your thigh up onto the crease of his elbow, and ramming himself into you.

“Could already hear some smart ass comment coming,” he groans, snapping his hips into you with a newfound intensity. You moan, trying desperately to reciprocate some movements back.

“Wasn’t gonna say anything,” you gasp, fingernails digging into the skin of his shoulders, scratching lone lines down his back. Jeongguk snorts, pushing in, and then grinding your pelvises together deliciously.

He rolls his eyes, then chooses that exact moment to capture your lips in his. You groan softly, body boneless beneath him at the gentle way he kisses you, like his entire life depends on this single kiss.

When he finally releases your lips, he’s huffing against your mouth, hips having not stopped a single time. You know he’s tired and so riled up; you’d felt the brush of his half-hard member from the moment you first laid down to watch the movie.

But Jeongguk was a gentleman, through and through. You’d felt the brush of his cock, and heard the thundering of his heart, but he hadn’t pushed you further a single time. He basked in your presence, waiting until you crept your hand beneath his shirt to finally pounce.

“I’m close,” you tell him, reaching down to toy with your clit. Jeongguk had treated it like the finest treasure earlier, but now your gentle caresses feel mediocre compared to the way he’d touched it. Jeongguk nods, the tips of his wavy hair sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck. You abandon your quest to finish yourself off and focus on brushing his hair away from his face. “You’re so good to me,” you moan, lightly picking the corner of his mouth. “Don’t deserve you.”

He rams his cock into you, the arm not holding up your thigh weakening, until he’s leaning on his forearm over you. “Don’t say that,” he chokes out, and you wonder if his orgasm is as close as yours.

A particular brush of his cock against your cervix has you seeing stars, thighs clenching around him. “Just a little bit—more,” you beg, body writhing beneath him, pushing yourself up to meet his thrusts.

“So perfect,” he praises, kissing along your jaw. “Come for me, baby.”

You nod, but not before cupping his face in your hands, and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. He makes a soft little sound of surprise, smile pressed against your mouth, and the heat in your abdomen finally explodes. You disassociate for all of one second, consumed in a wave of bliss never before heard of, his pistoning thrusts working you through it.

You nearly cry from how good it feels, throwing an arm around his neck to pull him closer. You’re babbling like an idiot, saying shit you won’t remember later. What you do recall is the chuckles Jeongguk had muffled against your neck, hips never faltering as he chased his own high.

He finds it a few beats later, the muscles of his back suddenly going rigid. He moans your name, somehow making it sound like it’s the best song in the world, before his hips begin stuttering in their mission. He eventually goes slack, slumped over you without completely crushing you beneath the weight of his muscles.

By the time you’ve fully recovered, he’s sliding out of you. Right as you go to speak, he stuffs two fingers into your sensitive cunt. “Jeon!” You wail, reaching down to push him away before you come again.

He snickers. “What? It’d be a waste to let it out,” he says, letting go when he’s decided he’s done his job, popping the digits into his mouth. You groan, trying to quell the excitement that builds in your chest from watching him suck your cum off his fingers.

“You’re the worst,” you sigh, snatching his t-shirt off the edge of the bed to tug over your bare form. Jeongguk tugs his underwear back on, retrieving yours from where he’d flung them across the room. When you’re settled into the blankets again, you’re not expecting the laptop to return as well. You raise a questioning eyebrow.

Jeongguk shrugs, nestling into your chest. “Hit play, this is when Professor Poopy Pants begins attacking the city.”

#kpopwonderlandtag #ksmutclub #jungkook smut #jeongguk smut #jjk♡ #jeongguk #jeon jeongguk #jeon jungkook #mine

[moondustaeil]

nct ⥂ twenty-one ways to kiss

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ✧☾.·:·. twenty-one ways to kiss

⋅ genre: little soft hour collection w fluff, angst, a bit of everything

⋅ inspiration: here

⋅ members: taeil  →  jungwoo (in age order, pt2 soon)

ｍｏｏｎ ⋅ ｔａｅｉｌ

⠀〔 5 : 12 pm 〕

⋅ a kiss casually

“Come to me~” Taeil sang out loud as he opened his arms widely, ready to receive you like he would receive his birthday presents. His arms opened until you dropped your body in his welcoming arms, then his arms prevented you from walking out of them. “It’s Taeil time,” he said with a small grin as he thought about sitting on the sofa without doing any chores or other time-consuming things. “What about me?” you asked with a small smile as you turned towards him more, unable to hide your smile at the cute expression on his face. Taeil seemed to consider your words, even though you knew he would never have to consider adding your name right next to his. “Okay fine,” he said with a fake sigh, stealing a casual kiss from your soft lips “It’s y/n and Taeil time”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｓｕｈ ⋅ ｊｏｈｎｎｙ

⠀〔 7 : 54 am 〕

⋅ a kiss to wake yours up

 Johnny’s fingertips burned against his closed eyes as he began to rub the sleep out of them, the bittersweet feeling caused a small groan to escape from his lips. Adjusted or not, Johnny opened his eyes to stare towards the other side of his bed, the place where you were still ‘gracefully’ asleep. “Morning” Johnny spoke out as tiredness was like a string of saliva that fell from his lips, his body turned towards you to admire you as you slept. As adorable as your cheek was when it was squished against the white pillow, you were even more adorable with your eyes open and a smile on your lips. The sheets shuffled quietly as he leaned over and pressed a delicate kiss upon your lips, a soft kiss to wake you up.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｌｅｅ ⋅ ｔａｅｙｏｎｇ

⠀〔 5 : 16 pm 〕

⋅ a kiss on a scar

“They edited it out again,” Taeyong said while his eyes scrolled just as fast as his fingertips did through the collection of new pictures. It only took one look at the corner of his eye: he knew himself well enough, but at the same time knew photographers and magazines well enough. To others, it was an imperfection, and Lee Taeyong himself was a part of that group as well. To you, it didn’t count as imperfection, neither did it count as ugly or any other negative label. “It’s a shame, it only makes you more beautiful,” you pointed out, trying to catch a glimpse of the little scar but he was fast enough to turn away. “Don’t hide it, it makes you more you” you said soft, making his head turn towards you again as he listened attentively. Your lips placed themselves against the unedited scar, leaving a delicate kiss to linger there.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｎａｋａｍｏｔｏ ⋅ ｙｕｔａ

⠀〔 9 : 03 am 〕

⋅ a kiss out of habit

“I have to go now y/n” Yuta complained as his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes were on you as you just nodded from your position on the sofa. Your response caused him to huff, staying frozen in his spot which made it seem like he wasn’t able to move. “y/n!” He said, his voice getting louder as his arms finally opened themselves up to give away what he needed before he could walk out of the door. “Quick kiss” he muttered once you were finally in his arms, his lips pressing some tiny kisses on yours. Yuta simply needed his usual kiss before he could leave

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

  ｑｉａｎ ⋅ ｋｕｎ

⠀〔 8 : 46 pm 〕

⋅ a kiss to shut them up

“Do you think we have everything?” Kun asked you as his eyes scanned the suitcase for the third time that evening, the slowness of his eye movement made it obvious how each object seemed to go past his checklist before he could move on. “We already checked everything, I bet we do. It’s only a weekend away” you said, stating your point in a gentle voice before Kun got worked up over the many worries he had in his mind. You sat down behind him, your arms wrapping around his body as both of you now were crouched next to the suitcase. “Stop worrying,” you said, earning a small moment of eye contact from him. His lips parted as he was about to add another point to already long list, but before he could, you pressed a little kiss on his lips...perhaps to shut him up, or out of love...

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｋｉｍ ⋅ ｄｏｙｏｕｎｇ

⠀〔 7 : 55 pm 〕

⋅ a kiss virtually 

The waiting room was crowded: with eight other members and a bunch of staff filling every little bit of personal space Doyoung wanted. The time went by slowly as each time he unlocked his phone, only a minute or two had passed from the last time he checked. Another text caused his screen to light up: the standard iPhone wallpaper hiding his relationship with you, but then again, his notification space was now filled with the text from you.

y/n 💕 [7:55 pm] : I miss you but I hope you do well today. Don’t forget to have fun! 😘

doyoung [7:55 pm] : I love you 🥰

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｔｅｎ

⠀〔 10 : 01 pm 〕

⋅ a kiss as an apology 

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Ten said right after a small string of insulting words towards you had fallen from his lips, his eyes merely trying to come in contact with yours as he knew you would decline. Like he expected, you didn’t say the words he wanted to hear, nor the words he didn’t want to hear. Rather than looking down in sad silence, he gave up his pride and walked up to you, a hand reaching out for you. “I’m sorry, I really am. Sorry for saying those things and for hurting you with them” he said as his hand lifted your hanging one, holding it tightly to represent the bond you shared. The hint of a small and yet smile appeared on your lips, a hint he took immediately. He leaned towards you, pressing tiny kisses all over your face like he would usually spoil your ears with whispered apologies...

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｊｕｎｇ ⋅ ｊａｅｈｙｕｎ

⠀〔 00 : 14 am 〕

⋅ a kiss without motive

“Do I still look like your prince charming?” Jaehyun asked you teasingly as he looked at your face through the mirror, a small chuckle making bubbles fall from his structured face when he noticed how your face was covered in bubbles. A hum was heard in the bathroom as you had to fake your thoughts for a second but nodded your head almost right away. “Of course, wouldn’t want to do facemasks with anyone but my prince charming” you simply said, giving it no other explanation in the teasing moment. His face leaned closer to yours once you had spoken, tiny bubbles colliding and becoming one as your lips touched in a kiss...

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ 

ｄｏｎｇ ⋅ ｓｉｃｈｅｎｇ

⠀〔 8 : 29 am 〕

⋅ a kiss in secrecy 

“Good morning” Sicheng whispered to you after you had already said the words to him, a tired smile gracing his pink lips. He lifted the sheets from your bodies, pulling them up higher until they covered up your existence to the decorated room. A small laugh left your lips in confusion but didn’t question it further as you were enjoying the little bit of privacy, shielded from a new day that would start. Sicheng’s lips pressed over the soft skin of your face: from the tip of your nose, to one of your warm cheeks, ending with a kiss on your lips.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｋｉｍ ⋅ ｊｕｎｇｗｏｏ

⠀〔 10 : 43 am 〕

⋅ a kiss in joy

“Where are we going?” Jungwoo whined out as he kept his eyes unnecessarily closed whilst he was walking hand in hand with you, through the streets of familiar Seoul. “It’s not a surprise, Jungwoo!” you said, playfully rolling your eyes now that he couldn’t see the gesture anyway. Though you rolled your eyes, you enjoyed the playful part of your boyfriend: the way he could laugh at his own silliness and make you laugh as well. Once you arrived at the destination you hadn’t spoken out loud of, you opened the door and led him inside. By then, curiosity had taken him over and made him peek lightly at what was in front of him. “The dog café? Seriously! We’re at the dog café” he said cheerfully as he grabbed your arms and pulled you against him, his eyes on the little puppies as he pressed his lips to your cheek.

#neowritingsnet #nct #nct 127 #nct u #nct dream #wayv #nct scenarios #nct reactions #nct imagines #nct soft hours #nct smut #nct fluff #nct angst #nct x reader #moon taeil #taeil #lee taeyong #taeyong #nakamoto yuta #yuta #doyoung #ten #jung jaehyun #jaehyun #jungwoo #taeil scenario #taeyong scenario #yuta scenario #doyoung scenario #ten scenario

[quietmyfearswith]

perfect fit {ransom drysdale x fem!reader}

perfect fit {ransom drysdale x fem!reader} 

status — completed 

warnings — cursing, unprotected penetrative sex (pls be safe when havinf sex), mirror sex, semi-public sex, degradation (slight), oral sex (female receiving), mentions of blood and being poked (briefly and not detailed)

word count — 3,370 words

a/n — lmao i have no shame i got inspired to write this because of an something i listened to which had a similar premise. i had a sequel in mind but idk if im gonna write that since i have a lot of fics planned out. feedback is appreciated and hope u guys have a lovely day !! :> 

masterlist

It was something no one expected Ransom to do; but he did it anyway.

He was just lounging in his home one day and he took one of the many notebooks he had lying around and suddenly found himself sketching different clothing articles. By the time he was able to tear his focus and hands away from the notebook, it was already 11:45 at night, “Huh, so in the past five hours I was able to design 11 clothes,” he quietly thought to himself as he closed the notebook that contained his ideas and headed to bed.

The following day consisted mostly of doing two things; more designing and making calls. He was looking for possible suppliers who could give him the materials he needed in order to bring his designs to life. He also ordered his assistant to look for tailors who were willing to sew and stitch them to life, as he did not have any intentions on making those himself. Searching for a place to lease to station where the clothes would be made and sold was also something he did.

All of that happened almost 19 months ago; Ransom just suddenly had the idea of creating his own clothing line and he was successful in that endeavor. His brand was known for its eloquent and classy designs, while still being comfortable and affordable. It was also a bonus that the materials they used were cruelty-free and vegan; though this wasn’t really his idea, something his assistant had suggested and something he mindlessly agreed with as he was burying himself in designing a dress.

When his family found out about his current endeavor, there were various reactions in response. Joni seemed to be legitimately excited to see if Ransom’s design would match her taste and even told him how she was willing to post about his line on her Instagram. Meg and Walt finally had something in common as they both teased him and questioned his sexuality since he suddenly became interested in fashion; even his own father silently had the same thoughts and concerns. His mother, however, was somewhat proud of her son following in her footsteps and making a name for himself. While Harlan was surprised on how he was persistent in pursuing fashion, for he always thought that his first grandson would be his successor in terms of writing and in handling the publishing company.

Ransom, having had enough of their judgmental comments and half-assed support, snapped at them once he broke the news as they were enjoying dessert, “Alright, all of you, eat shit! No offense, Mom, but you had a loan from Granddad and without his money you’d be nowhere! Joni, cut the shit! We all know you rely on those brand deals you have and of course, on our family’s money. And Walt? At least I’m gonna make something of my own! Unlike you who just relies heavily on the books Granddad gives you to publish. And what the fuck does fashion have to do with one’s sexuality? If clothes make people gay then why are you wearing that sorry excuse of an outfit? Scared people might find your dick too small?” 

And with that, he left the house as a sea of screams and commotion followed him, but he chose to ignore it of course.

In the span of those 19 months, his clothing line took off. Critics spoke highly of it, consumers couldn't get enough of his designs, and he was being constantly praised for his creativity. So it made Ransom feel as if he was on top of the world.

After his designs being featured on various fashion shows and being worn by numerous celebrities, the pressure to put out equally great designs was taking a toll on Ransom. Hence why he often spends time on the main store and headquarters he had in Boston. The place was fairly spacious — it had an office for where he could have meetings or design some of his clothes, a spacious and luxurious space for the customers to try on the clothes, rows of sewing machine next to an array of cloth for the workers whom he fairly compensated for their hard work, and even a small circular platform placed in front of mirrors for alterations. 

Ransom advised his staff to go home early to enjoy the start of the weekend and he would be the one to close the store and balance what they had already sold and what was left. As he was busy in the counter checking the log and counting the money, he heard the chimes of the bell that hung above the door make a sound, directing his attention to where a lovely woman stepped into the store and it felt as if all the oxygen in his body left his body with how breathtaking the woman was.

“We’re about to close in a few minutes,” was all he managed to let out as the woman stood on the opposite side of the counter; she just smiled as she placed the gown wrapped in plastic down on the counter, “Oh? I’m so sorry but I was just wondering if I can have this gown altered? I bought it hastily last week and only got to try it on two days ago since I was incredibly busy with work and realized how loose it was on me.”

He looked down on the gown as he spoke, “Yeah well we close earlier on Fridays so,” prolonging the word so, he noticed how she moved as if she was about to exit the establishment, but he wondered, “What is the work you do that kept you busy?”

The question surprised both of them; Ransom didn’t know as to why he was curious about it, but it probably had to do with how he just wanted an excuse to talk to her and listen to her soothing voice. While Y/N didn’t realize that those were one of the requirements in order to have a dress altered, she told him anyway what kept her busy.

Nodding his head, he made an impulsive decision, “My assistants just left, but I can take care of it. It shouldn’t be a big problem” Her eyes lit up excitedly and she smiled widely and thanked him for being able to accommodate her. “Just go to one of the dressing rooms and change to the gown, and head to where the platform is — just right across, okay?” She nodded and followed to where his hands pointed to where he’d be waiting for her.

As she scurried off to the change, he found himself questioning himself as he switched off the open sign, grabbed a notebook, pen, and measuring tape, and waited for her to come out. Why the hell am I making such an effort for her? And when she did step out of the dressing room and made her way to step on the circular elevated platform, he remembered just why he was going out of his way to serve her; because she looked fucking gorgeous, especially seeing her wear a gown he designed.

Standing on the platform, she shyly looked at him to which he found adorable, “Why don’t you spin around slowly for me?” She nodded and did so, “What seems to be the problem with the gown?”

With her back facing him, she craned her neck and replied, “I found the length to be too long, I’m afraid I might trip on it,” as she faced him he noticed how he was standing dangerously close, and his facial features were dead serious, “So you just want to trim it a bit?”

She nodded, “Would it be possible to create a slit?” And just as she made that suggestion, she bunched up a bit of the gown and showed him how she wanted the slit to look like; but all it did to Ransom was make him drool with how luscious and soft her legs looked like. “Okay, yeah that’s something we can do.” 

Grabbing a small container full of sewing pins he took hold of the bunched up fabric she held in her hand and told her he got it. “You know when I designed these gowns, you were exactly the target buyers I had in mind,” she tilted her to the side, confused with what he meant so he further explained, “Gorgeous, elegant, and absolutely stunning; especially once they wear my clothes.”

Her cheeks suddenly became a dark shade of red as she tried to shrug off his compliment, “Well I don’t really wear these kinds of clothes, but when a wedding comes, you have to.” As he was placing the pins on the fabrics, he looked up from where he was sitting on the platform, him being eye level with her thigh was doing nothing to prevent him from nursing a hard on, “A wedding you say?” 

Snatching a glance from where her hands rested on her hips to get out of his way, he took note of the lack of ring and voiced out his observation, “I’m not seeing any ring on both your hands, so I’m gonna assume that you’re not the bride?” She laughed softly and shook her head, “No, I'm not the bride-to-be, my best friend is.”

“Good to know,” Ransom said softly and she didn’t hear it well and was about to question what he just said as she felt the sewing pins poke her skin. “Ow, fuck!” She yelped, which made the designer realize that instead of piercing through the dress, he accidently lightly grazed her leg. “Fuck, I’m sorry!” He apologized as he pulled the pin and wiped her upper thigh that started to bleed a little. 

Feeling his warm hand envelope her hand and the thumb swiping away the crimson liquid, made her feel tingly as she looked down on him. Inching his face closer to her thigh, he looked up at her as his lips touched the area that he unintentionally hurt her in, “I’m so sorry for hurting you,” Y/N was stunned as his lips were back on her thigh after apologizing. 

Breathlessly, she just nodded and was surprised both his hands took a hold of her ankles and were softly caressing her just like how his lips were being gentle with her flesh. As his hands were sliding up towards her shins, she could feel the goosebumps on her skin rise, and by the time they reached her thighs, that was the only time Ransom detached his lips from her skin, “You taste divine, baby girl. But I’m not done with making it up to you.”

Having a sudden surge of confidence, Y/N spoke out, “Then keep kissing me if you want to make it up to me.” Ransom too, was surprised because this meek-looking beauty demanded him to do something, “I beg your pardon?” It was her turn to be brave and brazen as she smirked down on him, “Keep on kissing my thighs or else I’ll leave a bad review of your services.”

Quickly, Ransom placed his lips back on her thigh, kissing and smooching every inch he could find; he wasn’t sure if he was threatened with how his business could be negatively affected or was he just turned out at the prospect of being told by this beautiful woman to keep on admiring her figure.

Tangling her fingers on his hair, she tugged at him and guided her where she wanted his mouth as he gave verbal directions, “Higher, baby, kiss me higher.” Though his eyes were darkened with pleasure of having to know what her skin tastes like and aroused with how he met someone who was able to tell her what she wants and bosses him around; he’s never had someone do that to him, for it was always him calling the shots.

Poking his tongue out, he traced over the outline of her lace underwear which resulted in her letting out a moan and tightening her grip on his hair — urging him to keep going. Moving from her thigh, he kissed his way until he was face to face with the center of her pussy. Inhaling her scent, he closed his eyes as he groaned and took in her addictive scent and lunged forward to kiss and lick her clothed core. Even with the fabric in its way, he was nipping on her pussy lips and licking through it, getting a faint taste of her.

“Oh, more please,” she gasped out in pleasure; and with that plea Ransom moaned as he tore his mouth from where he was making out with her clit and smirked as she heard her sigh at the sudden loss of contact. Looking up at her, he gave her a grin as he asked, “Did you honestly think you would be the one who’ll call all the shots, baby?”

Somehow, her crimson red cheeks managed to turn into an even deeper shade of it at what he said. He then moved to pull her panties down her legs, he didn’t even wait for her to kick them out of her as he immediately licked from her clit down to her opening. Moaning out, she trembled a bit and Ransom’s hands latched themselves onto her thighs to help prevent her from falling.

“Careful now baby girl,” he warned her as he looked up to see her flushed face starting to drip with sweat, his lips never fully removing themselves from her clit so with every word he spoke the vibrations was felt throughout her core, “Wouldn’t want you to injure yourself. How are you gonna turn up to the wedding then?” 

As he finished his question, his tongue pushed itself into her tight opening and swirled around inside. Feeling dainty fingers push his face further, he was able to get a better taste of her juices that began to drip down to his tongue and he hissed at how delectable they were. Pulling out his tongue from her pussy, he immediately licked his way up to her swollen clit, “You taste amazing, baby,” he moaned out as he focused his efforts into sucking her clit hard and fast, feeling her thighs began to shake — a sign that she was close to her orgasm.

But Ransom wouldn’t let her cum right away, his left hand left the warmth of her thigh and slapped her clit multiple times, she opened her eyes in shock and looked down on the designer, aroused and elated with what he did. Getting the hint that she enjoyed what he did he teased her by saying, “You like it when I slap that clit?” Seeing how she nodded and bit her lip, he went on and slapped her clit multiple times but with not a lot of force, and his tongue went on to caress her tight opening until she once again began to quiver. 

“God you’re such a filthy slut,” he stated as he stopped the movements his tongue and hand were doing, and went on to bite lightly her thigh, “I’m gonna have so much fun with you. Have to make sure my customer leaves this place satisfied with my services.” As he mentioned the double entendre, his voice was laced with desire and hunger.

Giving her thigh one last kiss, he stood up from the platform and placed his hands on her hips and lifted her so she stood on the ground just like he was. Grabbing the back of her neck, he pushed her against him so their lips met and they began to hungrily make out. Her hands were at his cheeks, softly grazing his cheeks which contradicts how their tongues were roughly dancing with each other. While Ransom’s other hand was feeling for the zipper on her back, unzipping it and pushing the dress off of her.

Moving both his hands to touch her back, he noticed the lack of bra and felt how her nipples harden against the fabric of his shirt, he separated their lips from where they were entangled and looked down to see her breasts, “Such a nasty little girl you are, aren’t you? Wearing this gown with no bra underneath, like you wanted me to see just how good your boobs are.”

She shook her head, “The gown goes well best without a bra,” she defended. Amused with her reply Ransom decided that they’ve had enough foreplay; both his hands planted on her hips and pulled her back so it was flush against his front, “And you know what would go best with your divine body? My cock and cum,” one of his hands grabbed onto his cock and rubbed the tip of it against her folds, feeling her shudder at the sensation, “So come on and take it.”

“Shit baby girl, you’re so tight for a slut,” Ransom groaned as he threw his head back with how her walls squeezed his hard dick in one smooth motion. The hand that guided his cock in repositioned itself and held onto her hair, pulling her head back and arching her back away from his chest, which contrasted the way her ass was pushing back to accommodate Ransom’s cock.

Hand in her hair and the other on her hip, Ransom was pulling her into his cock with sharp, fast, and harsh thrusts; while her moans and whines did nothing but to fuel him to drive his thick meat deeper in her. “You like this don’t you, baby? You like how I’m just ramming into you like you’re nothing but a whore?” He taunted as he let go of her hip and began to rub, twist, and pull at her nipples.

Y/N could only nod, too blissed out to give out a verbal response for the way he was deliciously torturing her nipples disabled her from forming a coherent sentence, much less a thought. Unhappy with how she responded, he let go of her hair and slapped both her ass cheeks, “Answer me! Tell me you like it!”

She went still for a moment due to the sting of his slaps, she widened her eyes and peered over her shoulder to look at him, “I love it! I love how you’re treating me, sir.” The title she had given him made him even more feral as he ordered her, “Look in the mirror slut, look at how desperate you are for me.”

Feeling shy from seeing her blissed out state on the reflection, she instead diverted her gaze on the man behind her who was mercilessly pounding into her. She found it absolutely hot how his jaw was clenched so hard and his eyebrows were furrowed; it made her clench down on him hard which led to Ransom to slam deep inside her and grab onto her shoulders, “You’re close aren’t you, baby? You’re about to cum on my cock aren’t you?” She nodded and whined, “Yes, sir, I’m so close. Please let me cum,” he chuckled in appreciation, she begged him to cum without even telling her to do so. 

Speeding up the pace of his thrusts, his one hand was now alternating with rubbing and pinching her clit, in order to get her right on the edge. His lips were resting against her ear, his pants were only turning her on even more and with a final pinch of his fingers, she was cumming hard and with a loud wail.

Feeling how her walls squeezed him too tight to the point he couldn’t move anymore, Ransom stilled inside her and wrapped his arms around her stomach, “Fuck, you feel good.” After a couple of breaths, Ransom collapsed to sit down on the platform, taking her with him. Sitting down, he took the time to steady his breaths and recover from the intensity of their intercourse and orgasm. 

Snaking his hand to her cheek, he tilted her head enough for him to plant his lips on hers and let her give a faint taste of her own juices and he pulled apart from her not without planting a small kiss, “The gown will be ready in a week, baby. And it’s on me.”

#quietmyfearswith #please dont steal my work thank you #My writing #ransom smut #ransom x reader #ransom thrombey imagine #ransom thrombrey #ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x you #ransom drysdale fanfic #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale series #ransom thrombey smut #ransom thrombey #ransom thrombey fluff #ransom drysdale x reader smut #ransom drysdale x female reader #ransom drysdale x fem!reader #ransom thrombey x you #ransom thrombey x reader #ransom thrombey x fem!reader #ransom drysdale au #ransom thrombey au

[codename-adler]

Kevin Day and his Oblivious Literature Lover, pt.V

Let’s all repeat after me: therapizing our faves helps us therapize ourselves! If Kevin can get better, maybe we all can... right? 

>>Table of Contents, TW and other parts here!

the water runs behind the bathroom door for so long that Kevin spaces out in his spot on the floor, losing himself in thoughts about the Foxhole Court (surprise, surprise)

Juliet comes out at last an hour later, freshly showered, her hair wet and springy, her face even paler than before

she goes to rummage through her tiny dresser, slow and silent like a dead walker, and pulls out multiple clothes before going back into the humidity of the bathroom

she finally comes out into the room a few minutes later, dressed in clean sweatpants and multiple t-shirts and sweaters

the one on top is a simple, XXL black hoodie with the PSU logo on the front, in washed out orange

Kevin unconsciously thinks that the blindingly bright orange Exy hoodies the Foxes have would suit her so much better

happy colors help happy thoughts, right? 

(who said that again? was it Nicky? he was probably talking about the gay flag anyways...)

Kevin is pulled from his thoughts when Juliet trudges over to her bed, lets herself fall in it and sluggishly pulls on blue fuzzy socks to warm her cold feet

he slighlty turns to look up at Juliet, and they start a staring contest from where they each sit

but Kevin soon realizes that not everything is a contest, and not everyone exists to challenge him, and Juliet isn’t the Foxes

because she barely lasts 2 seconds before lowering her gaze to her hands, shoulders tensing and fingers picking at dry skin

however, as Kevin keeps feeling out of his depth and thinks about just leaving right there and then, Juliet quietly mumbles

“If I talk, will you talk too?”

Kevin’s first thought is “I don’t have shit to say and I sure as hell wouldn’t give you dirt on me,” and it clearly shows on his face

lucky for him, Juliet’s head is still lowered, so he has time to force himself out of his fight-or-flight relfex

she isn’t the Foxes, she isn’t the Ravens, she isn’t the Foxes, she isn’t the Ravens, she-

but still, what if she is? what if this is all a scam? 

but then again, he looked for her, he found her, he spent the night, he is asking... if anyone’s nosy in all this, it’s him

it feels like at the point where he is, where they are, he’s acted far from his usual, asshole self, and he just wants to keep going... it feels good not to fight

“Yes, I will talk. If the subject stays within the limits of what I’m willing to talk about. You should do so yourself,” Kevin states, not quite softly, but not quite sharply either, like he usually does

Juliet anxiously nods, still not looking up

the silence settles back between them, the room heavy with dread, fear and awkwardness

after a while, Juliet speaks up, barely above a whisper, but in the quiet of her room, it feels like her words ring in Kevin’s ears

“If I google you right now, what am I going to find?”

and shit

anything but that

he wants to hold on so bad, just a little while more, to this nobody he’s managed to keep up with Juliet

because if she knows... then everything he’s managed to keep at bay when he’s with her will come rushing back over him, and over her too

and he doesn’t want that

it’s not shame, it’s not pride

it’s pure fear

“You are going to see very ugly things,” is all he responds, face blank and emptily staring at the wall

inside, though, it stings to say those words. because it isn’t totally the truth. exy is his pride, his reason to live, his air to breathe. but if she finds out about exy, she will also learn about the violence, the multiple “accidents”, she’ll know about Riko...

and if she knows about Riko, she’s one step closer to Riko knowing about her

“Kevin. When you say ‘ugly’, you mean you’ve had a shitty life so far, or you mean you’ve killed many people? Because you’re the man who slept on my floor all night and I’m alone, and I’m very afraid right now.”

of course he fucked it up one question in

what is he supposed to say, though? ‘Of course I’m not a murderer, but my owners are’ ? 

and the more he thinks about the correct answer to give, the more he looks like he’s searching for an excuse and the more Juliet is retreating into the corner of her bed

“Fuck, no. It means that half the cards I’ve been dealt with are extremely good, and the other half is very, very fucked up. And it’s all over the Internet. And the things that you won’t find there are the ugliest. Ugly secrets that make me even more unlikeable to my... roommates, and our classmates. A walking asshole on a stick.”

Juliet stops moving

“That’s… quite the load of bullshit, Kevin. I won’t look, okay? I promise you. But you said truth for truth. That is not a truth. But... you also said we don’t have to answer if we don’t want to. Kevin, you don’t have to. I’ll take your word that you’re not a serial killer. I’ll haunt you if you are, though. I’ll make all your spoons disappear. And kick you in your sleep.”

Kevin didn’t know how to react

it was so… easy

too easy

just like that, the subject was dropped

no pushing, no threatening knife, no mood swing

now it was his turn

somehow he could only think of Matt, of Aaron and their nights out at Eden’s, of Seth…

“Are you on drugs?” was out of his mouth before he could be careful of his tone

it sounded severe, accusing

yet Juliet did not react, not even a little bit

she just kept on looking at him, letting the silence pressure him into guiltily babbling his excuse

“I’ve seen these signs before, okay! And heard about them too. I know what addiction looks like. The sickly pale skin, the mess, the absences, the shutdowns. Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what.”

“Like a wounded animal.”

his tone was harsh enough to resemble the attitude he usually reserved for the Foxes

and he knew he’d been too rough when it caused Juliet to draw in a shaky breath

“Wow, you’re really good at that… Ever considered being a detective or a life coach? You’re actually not far from the truth… Jesus,” Juliet exhaled. “I do take drugs. Antidepressants. Strong ones. And I ran out this week. I don’t have the money. You’re currently witnessing a withdrawal combined with a depressive episode. Impressive, huh?”

her voice was so devoid of emotions Kevin was reminded once again of Andrew…

except that her face was a mirror cracked open, her pain palpable in the air between them

his first instinct was to reply ‘What’s wrong with you?’, because he genuinely wanted to know why she had to take such heavy medication at her age, and why she couldn’t afford it anymore, but he willed himself to let the words die on his tongue; try not to be a fuckup this time, will you?

however, before Kevin could formulate his thought correctly, the silence overworked Juliet too and she filled it with her story...

“I was diagnosed with dysthymia a couple of months ago. I’ve basically been stuck in a dark cloud since I was like, 15. Never went away. Wasn’t ‘serious’ enough to get medical attention, like the docs said. Fast forward last winter, I had a complete nervous breakdown at my workplace. It was pretty ugly. 911, ambulance, psych ward, psych eval, pills, and other… things. Oh, and a fuckload of bills. Even my scholarship doesn’t cover all of that. So I tried to make my prescriptions last longer by taking my medication every other day, which… Well, not recommended by your local psychiatrist. Last weekend I had to choose between groceries or pills. Now my body is missing its drugs and I’m missing major classes. So…  Ta-da…” she told Kevin, her arms slowly moving as if to present a show.

Kevin was speechless

not because he was shocked, or because he pitied her, or because he was disgusted

he was speechless because of the anger that choked him from inside

he felt such a rage at the idea that Juliet couldn’t receive the help she needed, the care she deserved

he was speechless because as anger consumed him, he realized that it was the same anger he’d felt when Jean was given back to him in pieces

he was speechless because he cared too much, now

he hadn’t even seen it coming

if Juliet were to be pulled away now, it’d feel like pulling every stitches he ever had

and all it had taken was a few months

#oof #that was a heavy and emotionally draining chunk #a somewhat soft Kevin to soothe my restless mind and my heacy heart #and yours too #aftg #aftg fic #aftg fanfic #kevin day #bi kevin day #kevin day x oc #kevin day x juliet grier #the foxhole court #the raven king #the king's men #all for the game #kevin day fic #tfc #trk #tkm #nora sakavic #neil josten #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #matt boyd #seth gordon #jean moreau #the foxes #psu foxes #palmetto state university #exy

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

PROMPT

20. “Why are you crying?”

Johnny “Coco” Cruz x Reader

Anon asked: again my love ❤️ the first one 20.why are you crying, Angst with coco 💚☺️

Word Count: 3.5k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💘

Warnings: this shit was painful fo' me. Feeling angst.

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. Gif credits to: @angels-reyes

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​ @sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento 💥 (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

“Yea', she's really a nice gurl'”. Coco shrugs his shoulders, sitting in his chair in front of the bonfire, with his brothers surrounding it too. “I just met her at the market and we just were talkin'... And, man... she's da' one, I felt it, I feel it”.

It sounds like a knife ripping off your chest, opening you up, while you have to show him your fakest smile. Yes, you're happy that he finally found someone who can love him unconditionally. As you do. But without being you. Creeper and Angel have his gaze on you, sitting by Tranq' side. Your father has an arm over your shoulder, narrowing you without drawing too much attention. They know what's in your mind. They know what's inside your heart.

Coco and you have been friends for the last six years, when he joined the Mayans. You two had a special connection since the first time you crossed your gazes. He's wonderful. He has an amazing mind, full of paranoids and good advices. He's kind, funny, a born listener, empathetic and sincere. He has taught you a lot of things to face life and he always has taken care of you. As you did, with every wound, every shout, every cold, every mental break down. Together in the good times, but especially in the bad ones, when his life looks like hell, when he doesn't want anyone around, when he hate himself so much that he just wants to end with everything. You're there, holding him, loving him.

And you can't blame him for meeting the love of his life at the market. You can't blame him for not loving you back. You can't blame him for just seeing you as his best friend, as if you were one of his little sisters. And you can't even blame him because he canceled your day off together, just because he wanted to spend the sunday with her. In life, sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. 

Without a word in your lips, you get up of your chair. He doesn't even stop talking about his girlfriend, he doesn't even look at you very concentrated in telling his brothers how good was their first date. Keeping your hands inside your pockets, biting your inner lip, walking towards the clubhouse to have some minutes alone to alleviate pain. Closing the door after your steps in, you grab the Jose Cuervo and a small shot glass sitting at the table. You serve and drink, serve and drink. Six time. Six shots ripping bittersweet your throat with the tears falling down through your cheeks.

“I'm sorre'”. Angel is behind you, but you can't even turn at him.

“For what?” You shrug, unable to feel anything other than sadness.

“You know why”. Palming your head to make you get up, he adopts your position pulling you to his lap.

You can't help crying, when he wraps your waist and your arms between his, resting your body against his chest. You feel unconsolable, and you want to hate him, to stop feeling what you're feeling. But you can't. Angel caresses your arm, trying to make you feel better even if he knows he can't. Leaving a kiss on your temple, he holds you tightly with a heavy snort going out of his throat. He also doesn't know how Coco never noticed it before, it was too fucking clear.

“Hey, what's'ap? Why are you crying, mami?” The king of Rome leans towards you, bending by your side with a hand touching yours.

“No—Nothing, don' worr—worry”. You say, as the bad liar you are but used to hiding what happens. Getting up of Angel's lap and cleaning your tears, you try to smile. “Just an... exam. I thought I would get mo—more grade”.

“That's why you cry? C'mon, baby, you're the most intelligent kid on earth”. He says putting an arm on your shoulders, hugging you slightly. “Take a break, it's okay if you don' get it, you study a lot”.

“Yea', I know... I know”.

━━━━━━ ﹅ ━━━━━━

It's been almost five months since that night. You continued acting like it didn't affect you, coming back from San Diego every weekend with the hope to share a Sunday off with him. But he started to cancel it. Coco stopped calling you everyday, as he used to, turning your talks into some random texts every two or three days, one week, two weeks, until hopefully you talked a few times a month. It was painful seeing how he was pushing you away and by one hand you understood him. But not by the other. You have been with him in his good and in his worst. Even so, you still can't blame him.

Because of that, you never came back to Santo Padre, being visited by the crew one time per week. And you, stupid, always hoping he would come. But he never did. And you know that you lost the battle his morning' birthday, when you call him to congratulate him and tell him that you had a present, and it was his girlfriend who answered the phone, telling you that he didn't want to talk to you. Your heart broke into thousand pieces, nodding in silence before hanging up. Of course, you didn't go to his party, spending the day drinking in your flat in San Diego. Maybe he finally noticed it and that's why he didn't want to have anything with you, because he didn't want to have any problems with his girlfriend. So, you just tried to understand it and giving him whatever he wanted, as you always did. Even if that was killing you slowly.

┅┅ ┅ ┅ ┅┅

Another college year is finished, so you're coming back to Santo Padre for the summer. You have to take a deep breath, before crossing with your car the entrance of Romero and Bros. straight to the clubhouse. All the bikes are there and you feel like your heart turns when you see his. Parking next to them, you get out of your car putting well your clothes on, walking nervous towards the front door. 

The crew receive you between cheers, kisses and hugs. It's been five months and you still feeling the same pain consuming you, getting worse when you see him sitting in a corner with his girlfriend hugging him over his lap. Coco's face turns to some serious gesture, not even saying ‘hi’, ‘how are you’, nothing. Angel brings you a beer, holding your shoulders with a tattooed arm, to guide you outside towards the porch, sitting on the stairs.

“You ok?”

“Of course 'am not, but... what else I can do? I tried, Angel. I wrote him everyday, I called him, but he chose that girl. And it's okay. You don't always win”. 

“I'm sorre'bout what's happening. He also changed with me, because I told him I used to go 'see you every weekend to San Diego”.

“And why he cares?” You ask frowning, having a sip of your beer. “You're my friend. And he decided he didn't want to talk with me anymore”.

Angel turns his face towards you confused, not knowing about what you're talking about.

“He stopped calling and texting me”.

“Did he...?” Something seems not to fit.

“Yes, he did. I also called him for his birthday. I was ready to take my car and drive back here, to give him his present”. 

“Did you...?”

“The fuck is wrong with you questioning all I say?” You take off of your pocket your phone, showing him all the unanswered messages and the times you called him and he didn't answer. “See? I get it, Angel. He has a girlfriend now and he doesn't want to make her feel jealous, or... whatever. I just want him to be happy. And I'll keep myself away”.

There's something on Angel's face that you can't decipher, but he doesn't say anything. He just nod drinking of his beer.

┅┅ ┅ ┅ ┅┅

Maybe a Mayan party is not where you want to be, but your father asked you, so did the crew. It’s been a long time since you spent some time with them, so you thought that you could make somekind of presence for one or two hours, at least. You’re sitting between your father and Angel, while the guys are talking about something that happened in the last travel they drove to Arizona. Some chairs away, in front of the bonfire Coco holds Sara above his lap with both arms wrapping his body, sharing hugs and kisses as if no one of you were there. You don’t even know why they are here, if they don’t want it. The oldest Reyes feels the tension running through your body, holding your hand and tangling his fingers with yours to raise them and kiss the back of your hand. You leave a heavy sigh flies off of your lips, supporting your head on his left shoulder, drinking the beer his offering you. 

“So, wha’bout you, guys?” Hearing the feminine voice with humorous tone, straight to you two, you can’t help but roll your eyes.

She trying pushing you into Angel, at the minimal dearly gesture between both, is something that you know would happen. And by the look he gives Sara, you know he’s about to explode. But you stop him, placing your free hand on his chest calling for his attention. You shake your head, begging in silence. But he lose his brother too. And it’s not fair.

“Yo’, my girl made a question”. Coco says then, being the flame that was missing to light the wick.

Angel leans on his chair, supporting his forearms above his lap with a petty smile on his lips. 

“Hey, Sara, let me answer you with another question”. Angel’s voice is turning to somewhat funny, enjoying the moment, even if you don’t understand what is happening. “How many (Y/N)’ texts you delete of Coco’s phone?”

Silence. All the gazes turning to her, you dying inside because of the shame and the confusion.

“The hell are you talkin’bout, man?” He asks turning at his girlfriend frowning. 

“All those nights you were fuckin’ crying as a fuckin’ child. All those nights you got drunk telling me that you gave (Y/N) the best of you fo' nothen'. All those nights blaming me for no reason. It wasn’t she. It was your girlfriend”. You can’t believe what he’s saying, leaving the beer on the floor. “(Y/N) showed me all the text she wrote you. The hanged up calls. Do you know she called you for yo' birthday? Do you remember what happened that day?”

“Wh—What?”

“He fuckin’ broke ma’ nose ‘cause he thought that I poisoned you ‘bout him. But what nobody knew is that you had called him. You answered the call, rai’, Sara? You told her that Coco didn’t want to talk her anymor’”.

“Are you fucking kiddin’ me, bitch?” Tranq is getting up of his chair, as she does. “Did you made my daughter believe that her best friend broke his heart, all this time, just because you wanted to set them apart?”

“She did ‘cause (Y/N) is in love with him since ever”.

The crew is staring at you with your gaze on your feet, biting your lower lip.

“You’ve to be kidding, papi”.

“Ask your girlfriend, man”.

Coco gets up of his chair, full of rage and wrath. Sara is sobbing trying to explain herself, but she doesn’t have any defense.

“Give me your phone”. The man walks towards you with a raised arm, and a hand waiting for it.

“I do—”.

“Give me your phone!” He shouts at you, so you give him with trembling fingers.

He unlock it having a quickly look of all the text you sent him, all the calls you made. Everything. He doesn’t know how to feel, even if he’s falling down into pieces right now, looking at you with incredulous eyes. Nobody says anything. No matter who is your father, nor if Coco is a Mayan. It’s a trouble between three people, nobody else. 

“Get the fuck outta’ my club. Go to my house. Pack your things. And leave Santo Padre before I regret letting you alive”. His voice is rough, loud and clear. A firm tone of voice that does not hesitate.

“Coco, listen…” She begs, trying to walk closer, being blocked by Angel.

“Leave”. 

You can't move a single inch seeing how Coco walks inside the clubhouse, coming back some minutes after when his, you hope, ex-girlfriend left the Mayans yard between tears, curses and yells. Your father is trying to make you feel better by leaving some caresses on your back, while the crew sighs alleviated 'cause seems like they saw her as a trouble too. The mexican offers you a hand with the other holding your phone. Tranq pushes you softly to go with him, following towards your car.

Coco drives in silence, leaving behind Santo Padre till you're close to the border. He stops on a side of the road in the middle of the desert, then he gets out of it, sitting on the hood and lighting a cigar in his lips. You can see him through the glass reading all your messages, where you told him that you were sorry for anything that could bothered him. Where you told him how much you care about him and his happiness. Where you told him that you missed him. All those messages that started talking about your days in San Diego or remembering old times, continued with you asking him to forgive you, and finished telling him that you never wanted to end like that, that you never wanted to end your friendship, believing that you were the one who fucked up the love between both. The last text was something like ‘I'll set myself apart, 'cause everything I want in life is see you being happy, no matter if you're with me or not, I have always loved you and I'll always going to do it”.

Getting out of the car, taking some time and doubting about what to do, you leave the door opened. Your feet move slowly towards him, looking how he's watching all the calls that he didn't hang up. All the calls Angel was talking about. Till the last one made in his birthday. But noticing his tears, you stop your steps. He throws away the cigar, letting go the smoke as a painful and silent howl, supporting his hands on his thighs and leaning forward.

“I'm so fuckin' sorre'”. He sobs with a broken voice, turning his gaze to you. “I'm so fuckin' sorre'”.

You can't say anything, biting your lips about to cry too.

“I left you alone. I left you alone with all this shit in yo' heart. It's feels like… I fuckin' betrayed you fo' a fuckin' pussy”. He says with a taut voice, getting up of the car to face you. “I thought you were mad at me 'cause 'her, 'cause all this time you only… wanted me for some quicklies or shit like tha', and when you lost the chance, you just left me”.

You shake your head with trembling pursed lips.

“All this time… you were in lov' with me. But why? Why you left me? Why you didn't tell me, ah?”

“You looked happy with her. And that's all I wanted, Coco. Your life has always been a tragedy, till you met her. Who was I to spoil something like that? I thought we could still being friends. I thought I could be strong enough to be her friend too, so I could stay by your side. But then… you started to pushing me away, and I'm not blaming you. She was your girlfriend and you wanted to be more time with her. So… I just kept myself in the background”.

“You didn't keep yourself in da' background. You left Santo Padre”.

“'Cause it was painful seeing how I was losing my best friend, and my fuckin' love! What the hell was I supposed to do, ah? Stay here? Trying to rebuild my fuckin' heart shattered? For what? For… maybe a gaze? Maybe a smile? It wasn't fair, Coco”.

“I was waiting ya' in my birthday. I passed all day holdin' my phone, waitin' for your call thinking you forget it 'cause your final exams”.

“I called you when I woke up. I was getting dressed to take your present and drive towards here. Then, Sara told me you didn' want to talk. So, I ju—just got drunk looking our photos, and watching our videos together, trying to figure out the point I fucked up everything”.

“You did?”

“Yea'” You nod taking your phone off of his hand to keep it in your pocket, before crossing your arms on your chest. “I never wanted to hurt you, Coco. Only made you happy”.

“You did it like shit”.

“You fuckin' broke my heart. And you also thought I just wanted your fuckin' cock, as if it is the golden one”.

“And I'm sorre'bout that. I don't wanna lose you again, (Y/N)”. He grabs your forearms, opening them to push you into his body.

Finally, after five long months, he's hugging you again. You close your arms surrounding his neck, sinking your head on it and closing your eyes to focus on his smell and his heartbeat. You're feeling how the pain is fading as he holds you tighter, leaving some kisses on your head.

“I missed you so fuckin' much, mami. So fuckin' much”. He whispers, making you cry softly. “I love you. I need you. Living without you has been an agony. I'm so sorre'bout the shit I made you, I never meant to do'et”.

“It's okay, Coco…” You mutter pulling him away, putting your hands inside the pockets of your jeans.

“No, it's not. Don'... Don' do that again. Shout at me, mami, tell me tha' I'm an asshole, a shithead… Whateva'. Why aren' you angry?”

“'Cause sadness won that battle. I just kept the good feelings about you, even if I was fuckin' sad trying to type your number by heart, to call you again even if you weren't gonna answer”.

“I love you, (Y/N). I've always don'it. And I just… feel fuckin' stupid. But this is not gonna happen again, you hear me? No secrets, no hiding feelings. Tell me you're gonna stay, please”.

You nod in silence, confused about how you should feel right now. He takes the step placing both hands on your neck, pulling you closer so he can kiss you. You've been waiting for this almost seven years and you can't believe it's already happening. Tangling your fingers on his black flannel shirt, you take some air by your nose, moving your lips has he does in a lovely and softly way. He tastes like tequila, you taste like beer and it's the perfect combination, drowning a low gasp on his mouth when his tongue sneaks into your finding your saliva and your own tongue. Bristling your skin, he lifts you up after his hands travels to your thighs to sit you on the Mustang' hood.

“My fuckin' mami, all mine”. He sighs resting his forehead on yours with closed eyes, and your legs wrapping his waist. “Shit, I'm fuckin' in love with ya' since ever. 'Amma fuckin' idiot”.

You don't want him to continue apologizing for something that it was out of your hands, pressing your lips against his again. The tip of your tongue caresses them, kissing every single inch wanting to make him feel better. You know the nightmare is over, feeling how life comes back to you, feeling the butterflies and the tickles in your stomach being under his tattooed arms.

“We were on a party, you rememba'?” He asks pulling you away to regain his air.

“You wanna com'back?”

“Just to have some tequila and go home with you”.

#mayans mc #mayans mc x reader #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #johnny coco cruz x reader #coco cruz x reader #coco cruz

[ateezmakemeweep]

richboy!seonghwa (part 28)

word count: 6k

angst

(part 27) (series masterlist)

you took the news of seonghwa's abroad opportunity as one would expect. with a sense of blame and guilt and overwhelming accountability. because you can't help but think that if you had never moved here in the first place, seonghwa wouldn't have considered it. he would've laughed in his dad's face at the prospect of going all the way to paris to end his senior year of high school.

yeosang informed you of the news the day after he found out, making you promise you wouldn't approach the boy or let him know that you knew. "he's telling the guys this weekend," he told you in the car, your hands intertwined as you stare at them sadly. "and he just told me to tell you, privately."

your eyes widen when you hear that, feeling a pang of hurt you know you don't deserve to feel in your chest. does that mean he doesn't even wanna say goodbye to you?

"w-when is he leaving?" you asked quietly, trying to contain the emotion in your voice. yeosang watches your lips tremble when he tells you next week, biting at your soft skin and squeaking out an "oh," that has his stomach sinking. because it's just a shitty situation all together, the both of you knowing you two have played a role in the boy moving away.

he told you how seonghwa had said his parents and family life had a big part to do with it, that he missed their company and wanted them to see him graduate high school. but the underlying sadness and tension that came from that dreadful night everything was revealed just gives everyone the sense that there's a little bit more to it.

"what?! is this because of yeosang and y/n?!" wooyoung boldly asked seonghwa over the weekend. he had gathered the loud mouth himself along with hongjoong and san to break the news, telling the three boys he wanted to talk to them about something.

"that's really the first thing you wanna ask, you idiot?" san whisper-yelled, smacking the boy upside the head.

"it's awfully suspicious timing, okay, he breaks down to y/n in a drunken stupor and-"

"wooyoung," seonghwa's deep voice says, his tone tight and serious but eyes dancing with the slightest bit of amusement; he could never genuinely be upset with the boy but fuck, does he never know when to shut his mouth. "thank you but shut the fuck up."

hongjoong snorts before he looks over the boy, asking him if that wasn't it, what were the other reasons? because leaving at this time seems like it had to have been something big. and seonghwa eventually told them the same thing he said to yeosang, about being lonely in his house and wanting to see his parents and thinking that a change in environment might be good for him overall.

"so it does have something to do with....everything that happened?" hongjoong asks lowly, not wanting to upset the boy but feeling something tight pulling in his gut; he hates to think that something as juvenile as that could've pushed the boy away. but he insists that there's more to it, that you, him and yeosang are on good terms and that he doesn't want any shit being talked to them when he leaves.

"we wouldn't do that," san assures quietly, liking you from the start but even more when you asked him to stay with seonghwa that night. it showed that you cared and were really looking out for him.

"yeah, no way," wooyoung agrees, doubtful looks from everyone being thrown his way. "what?!"

"anyway," hongjoong says with a smirk. "you'll need a going away party then, yeah?"

"this is it," seonghwa hums, gesturing to their four bodies in the living room. and after asking him one hundred times if he didn't wanna do anything more grand, before becoming a fancy european boy, they settled for pizza and video games and staying up until four o'clock in the morning the way they always did.

that next week of school, even given everything you'd been through, had been one of the hardest. because now, in a shocking turn of events, you were the one avoiding seonghwa. you kept your head down going to and from 4th period, kept your eyes trained on the board or notebook despite feeling his gaze on you at times; the one time he almost got you, you saved yourself with a tight-lipped smile and nod before awkwardly scurrying away.

"you're being a coward," mingi tells you at lunch that wednesday, watching your head snap back again at the sound of the library door opening.

you had told the boys of the newest seonghwa updates shortly after yeosang told you, both of them sad to hear seonghwa would be leaving; and bless their hearts, they hadn't even accused the reasons behind it on you. they wondered what could make seonghwa leave in the middle of his senior year, assuming his parents had something to do with it.

"according to yeosang, seonghwa said...we're a small part of the reason. but that he mostly wants to be with his parents and stuff." and whether the boys believed that or not, they'd never tell. but they would tell you that now, avoiding seonghwa before he leaves in three days, is-

"absolutely ridiculous, y/n, i have to agree," yunho says with a soft smile, blowing you a kiss when you pout at him.

"what am i even supposed to say?" you squeak, "happy travels, seonghwa! sorry my whoreish ways had to contribute to you moving all the way to france. but au revoir! enjoy the macaroons!" the blonde boy narrows his eyes at your self-deprecation, kicking you under the table harshly while the redhead shrugs his shoulder, lips quirked to the side almost like he's agreeing with everything you've just said.

"or maybe just like...thanks for being my first friend. hope to see you soon. good luck in a new country. if i don't talk to you, happy graduation. or maybe-"

"okay, i get it," you whine at yunho, knowing in your gut you're being stupid and annoying and very much like a coward, as mingi pointed out. but you know saying goodbye to him will absolutely end in tears and sorrow and you don't think he deserves to deal with anymore of that.

but he also doesn't deserve to start his new life with unresolved business. and maybe talking to him and saying a final goodbye could give you both the closure that you need. because through this all, you've realized just how much you pushed down your feelings for seonghwa. it doesn't take away or negate what you feel for yeosang, either, it's just something that you feel.

it's in the pit of your stomach and the center of your chest, how when you look at seonghwa you're reminded of how much he helped you. how he guided you and protected you and would've made you feel like you needed him to survive if you didn't have yeosang and the others to completely ground you.

these thoughts swirl through your mind for the rest of the week, friday night being one the worst. yeosang can tell you're distracted all night, eyes trained on the tv and food in front of you but just blankly staring. you smiled and laughed and kissed him but there wasn't your usual spark behind it.

your smile was dim and your laugh was forced and it was in the kiss he knew you weren't feeling right.

"baby, it's not your fault," he finally mumbled against your head, your cheek on his chest as you lay in between his legs. and stupidly enough, like this boy hasn't learned everything about you in these past seven months, you try to play dumb.

"what?" you mumble, not being able to see the way he rolls his eyes.

"you've been quiet tonight," he says, trying a different approach. but you only shrug your shoulders, nuzzling your face further into him as you inhale his scent. he places his lips on your head, humming against them and knowing exactly why you've been so out of it tonight.

because if seonghwa leaving wasn't enough, you refusing to talk to him was only making it worse. your boyfriend knows you want to, knows you're gonna need it to feel better about his departure and that you want to wish him well. he watched all week you become more and more tense and sad, the light in your eyes dimming every day.

"you didn't get a chance to talk to him, i'm assuming."

you only hum against his chest and it's taking everything in him not to be his harsh self and call you out on your shit. but he's allowing you to wallow tonight, for the next two minutes at least, because the news is hard for everyone. no one wants seonghwa to leave and live out the rest of his senior year with a group of strangers.

"did you plan too?"

you bite your lip so you don't snap at him to stop asking you so many questions, simply mumbling "i don't know," as you turn your head back to the tv.  and with a hidden smirk, yeosang nods his head.

"hmmm. well he's leaving tonight."

"what?!" you squeak immediately, flying up from his chest to look at him with wide eyes. the amount of panic and regret that floods into your veins is almost all consuming. "i-i thought he was leaving tomorrow."

"parents changed his flight last minute," he tells you, "should've left an hour ago."

and then without much of a thought, tears start burning at the back of your eyes and you open your mouth but can't seem to find the words to come out. because you fucked up. you fucked everything up in the beginning and you fucked the ending up as well. you didn't get to thank him or see him or talk to him one last time.

"why didn't you tell me?" you ask him weakly, hoping the crack in your voice isn't as obvious to him as it is to your own ears.

"would it have mattered?" yeosang asks, "would you have gone and actually talked to him?" and with the sad look in your glossy eyes, teeth in your lip as regret and shame crosses your face, it appears you both know the answer.

you fall against his chest so he doesn't see your tear fall, his stomach knotting and heart sinking when he feels a wet spot on his shirt; now he feels bad.

"then how 'bout you go over to his house tomorrow, baby?" you hear him say, eyebrows narrowing at his suggestion; what use would that do? saying goodbye to an empty house would hardly help the pit in your stomach.

"why would i do that?" you sniffle against him.

he presses his lips into a firm line, bringing his hand up to run it through your hand gently like he's trying to lessen the blow of his next words. "because he'll be there. the flight wasn't changed."

you pull back to look at him again, the angry face you're wearing with tears in your eyes making him wanna laugh. because you look pissed but still so, so sad and he thinks maybe you'll find the humor in this one day.

"what is wrong with you!" you squeal, hitting him roughly in the chest before scooting over on the couch. "you're such an asshole sometimes!"

and because those are words that leave your mouth once a day, he scoots over and throws his arm around you. "but you felt pretty shitty thinking you didn't say goodbye to him, right?"

you shake your head as your eyes stay narrowed at your boyfriend, his eyebrow raised curiously only making your brows furrow more; because how is he always right? how does he always get you to crack?

(and once you're in the right frame of mind, you'll look back and be able to see how much your boyfriend had grown in only a few weeks. a blow out fight happening that almost had you breaking up, to him convincing you to go say goodbye to the boy he once felt so threatened by).

"you're mean," you eventually mumble, letting out an annoyed huff but leaning your head against him; it really did feel shitty thinking that. "you could've just told me to go see him tomorrow."

a tiny snort leaves his mouth as his lips quirk into a smirk, knowing yeah, he probably could've, but that making you see it yourself probably would've been more effective. "well yeah but when i told you not to see him, you went and did it anyway," he teases, pecking a kiss to the side of your head. "so you had to see for yourself anyway. cry baby."

you pinch at his sides roughly and mock his "cry baby," when he yelps out, pushing you on your back to tickle and really get you back. it's the first time your laugh tonight sounds genuine and for that he's grateful. because he really doesn't know how tomorrow's gonna go.

luna's tail smacking you in the face wakes you bright and early the next morning, a delicate meow followed by her purr successfully rousing you from sleep. you pad downstairs with her trailing behind, giving her food before stretching out your body as you watch her eat.

"did you really have to embarrass me like that!?" you exclaim to her, throwing her down the second you get in the house. "you know today is a big day for me, luna, i'm starting a new school with snobby rich kids and what do you do! you run out of the house and into the yard of the most beautiful man i've ever seen!"

and if cats could talk and make human like gestures, the look in her eyes just tells you she'd stick her tongue out at you and say "too bad!" she even looked proud of herself back there, wrapping her trail around the boy's pajama clad leg like he'd done something so special and unique to get her over to him.

"you're lucky i'll probably never see him again," you say, walking over and bending down to the cat's eye level. "because i don't know if my heart could handle it. did you see him!"

she meows at you in a way that makes you think she's actually responding, rendering you an official crazy cat lady who's first interaction with a person here was nothing short of a disaster. but then you realize her food bowl is empty and it's almost an hour past her normal breakfast time.

"oh, you're hungry?" you sarcastically whine to her. "maybe you should've asked that hot pajama model for some food." but then you realize the way you're babbling to your cat is gonna make you even more late for your first day of school, running around the kitchen before up the stairs to get ready. you slip your feet into your black flats, not realizing at the time just how much grief they'd give you throughout your high school career.

you shake your head from the memory, watching luna eat as you lean your head against the wall. your feelings that day were so strong and new, that sweet excited but nervous twinge in your chest that flutters around a boy you're convinced you love at first sight.

because when you see someone and they're so unbearably attractive, you think it's only natural to feel like that. but then once you learn how nice and caring and good they are, if they are, that feeling only gets stronger.

and that's exactly what happened to you.

so what happened then? when did everything change and when did you start straying away from seonghwa? because on paper, thinking back and laying everything out in the open, you really can't help but feel like it should've been him.

you push that feeling in the very back of your mind, knowing in your heart that you made the right choice. that you can't go say goodbye to seonghwa with these frazzled, rambled thoughts in your mind and risk blurting out something you know isn't fair.

his flight isn't until later tonight but your fingers start to itch to text him around 11, distracting yourself by doing homework and cleaning your room until all of the anxious energy is about to make you explode.

he answers your text after ten minutes with an apology, saying that he was in the shower and of course you could come see him. you borrow your moms car again and take the longest route possible to his house without getting lost. but it's not long enough because then you're sitting in front of his house and your heart is nearly about to burst out of your chest.

what are you gonna say? what are the odds you don't cry the second you see him? very low, you think, given your track record. but you're gonna try your hardest, nonetheless. goodbyes are hard though and you've always sucked at them.

so after a few deep breaths, you turn off your car and put on a brave face. you stand up on shaky legs and make your way up the stairs, looking up at the chandelier and smirking when you remember how confused you were to see one outside.

you knock on the door lightly and find yourself counting in your head, getting to 12 before you see him standing there; and just like always, he makes your heart stop. because he's just that handsome all the time, something as simple as his natural dark hair and a black sweatshirt looking exquisite on him.

"hi," you both say at the same time. awkward, choked out giggles follow and immediately the air is charged with an awkwardness. it's not tense or overwhelming but the hint of it is there. buzzing between the both of you with the knowing fact that there's a lot of things you have to say to each other.

but even with that fact, when you're sitting in his kitchen and he's over by the sink with his toiletries laid out, you find that words are caught in your throat.

"sorry about the mess, i still needed this shit so i'm rushing to pack it now."

"oh no," you giggle, looking at the expensive face washes and lotions and not all that surprised he has a skin care routine; you suppose you have to in order to look like these absurdly beautiful people. "it's okay."

he smiles softly at you, organizing them on the side when he asks if you wanna drink. you decline with a shake of the head, your quiet "no thank you," the only sound in the mansion.

neither of you know where to start or how to begin. he doesn't know exactly why you asked to come here, just that he was really happy and surprised to see your name on his phone screen. you don't know how to approach the topic, wondering if you should beat around the bush or just come right out and say it.

and after a few moments, you decide that you've wasted enough of this boy's time.

"so..." you hear your voice squeak, shaky and scratchy but at least you got the word out. "paris?" you look up when you hear seonghwa chuckle, smiling to himself as he continues to arrange his toiletries.

you and yeosang are similar in many ways. vulnerable and guarded but also extremely strong and blunt. it's what he admires in both of you, even though it's made him feel more inclined to protect and shield both of you. yeosang from his parents and you from...everyone, really.

"paris," he confirms before casually stating, "five thousand miles away, didn't know it was that far."

and for whatever reason, hearing it in those numbers makes your heart pang with hurt. how is it fair that he has to go thousands of miles away? away from his friends and classmates he's known his whole life while you get to stay here? you can't help the tears you knew would surface from stinging your eyes, the whole morning not being able to put off the sadness and anxiousness within you.

"but it'll be good. my dad's friend has a son named yeonjun and he seems pretty cool."

"oh..." you finally push out, wincing when you hear your voice starting to break already. "t-that's nice."

but it's not nice, it's so not nice. this is all so fucking weird and this is all your fault. he took you in, welcomed you into his life and friend group with open arms, defended you and helped you and proved time and time again he would've probably done anything for you.

but you did nothing for him, nothing but almost destroy a friendship and break him down to the point that he now has to go thousands of miles away. five thousand miles away with this yeonjun boy who's supposed to fill in for san and hongjoong and wooyoung and yeosang.

he looks up upon hearing your voice and his whole face drops when he sees you. because he's all too familiar with the look you get before you're about to cry, glossy eyes and trembling lips, and he hates that it's what he's seeing ten minutes into this conversation.

"why do you look like you're about to cry?" seonghwa asks, immediately moving his products aside. "i...hate seeing you cry, y/n." because he's lost count of how many times he's had to watch it happen.

"i'm sorry, seonghwa," you respond immediately, overwhelmed by how fast and hard the emotions are hitting you. but the talk of the distance and the new friends, it's quickly bringing all the reasons why this is fucking horrible to the surface. how thinking about all of this makes you want to ask him to stay. because you know things aren't gonna be the same for anyone. not for you or yeosang or the group as a whole.

"what are you sorry for?" seonghwa asks softly, eyes narrowed in confusion but also desperate to figure out what's gotten you so upset so quickly. and maybe it's because you knew from the second you walked in, the horribly selfish question was gonna leave your mouth and briefly make you hate yourself.

"i just-i shouldn't even ask this but-" your shaky breaths cut you off and you can tell even through your teary eyes that he's, both, genuinely confused and concerned.

"what?" he asks softly, moving around the sink and about to make his way over to you.

"i...do you have to go?" you squeak out quietly. and the second you say it, just like you knew you would, you know it's wrong.

his feet immediately stop, his sharp inhale going completely unheard due to the voice in your head screaming at you. he adverts his gaze to the floor, swallowing the lump in his throat. because of all the things he thought you were gonna say, it wasn't that. he was hoping that was the one thing you wouldn't say to him or ask.

"i..can't help but feel like.....this is all my fault. you helped me so much when i first started and were always there for me but...i don't want you to go." tears prick his eyes at seeing you so raw and honest, seeing you cry and ask him to stay but then not be with you. "you should still be here with everyone. with san and yeosang and hongjoong and wooyoung. you should be able to graduate with them and walk with them and have a big, expensive, stupid rich person party."

he's surprised to find himself letting out a short laugh, always impressed by your way to make him find something funny even when his heart is hurting. because that's always what he thought was gonna happen. he thought he was gonna have that very big, expensive, stupid rich person graduation party.

"it's so selfish, seonghwa," you say and he can hear the frustration and regret in your voice. "i really shouldn't even be saying this to you."

he allows the silence to linger before saying, the way he's clarified ten times this week, "that's not the only reason i'm going, y/n." because even though it's one of the reasons, yes, a slightly bigger reason than he's letting on to everyone, it's genuinely not the only one. "i could've been going regardless of any...circumstance."

you sniffle, wiping the tip of your nose with your sleeve and you hate that all of those words just poured out of you immediately. but it's like seeing him, talking to him so openly about it is bringing back every and any emotion you had during these past months. that you were both avoiding in the form of tight smiles and polite nods.

"i'm still sorry," you mumble out and he shakes his head at your apology

"it's okay," he says, a humorless laugh leaving his mouth because he can't believe you guys are really here, having this conversation. a silence stretches between you both for the next few moments, your sniffling and his fingers tapping on the counter anxiously as his body rocks slightly.

but then your next words, or the words you attempt, have him complete stiffening. because you knew the stupid, reckless thoughts you had when feeding your damn cat were gonna come back to haunt you. because on paper, thinking back and laying everything out in the open like how you are now, you really can't help but feel like it was gonna be-

"i-i just... i really thought...it seems like it should've been-"

you can't even get the last word out, lips trembling and voice breaking because everything about saying that is wrong. but the environment and feeling between you two is too much, knowing there's been so much left unsaid and that there's only a few hours left to get it all out.

it's why he doesn't think twice about walking over and wrapping his arms around you. and it's then that you lose your composure completely, slumping against him as tears leak from your eyes. your face is pressed into his shirt with a scent that seems so foreign invading your nose, something like a distant memory. something that brought you such comfort and warmth at one point, remembering the way you used to bask in this. but now it just feels like it's breaking your heart, reminding you of what you once could've had and wanted.

"it's okay," he mumbles against your head, his hand rubbing your back gently.

but it's not. he's not okay. he can tell in the way holding you like this is making him revert back to how things were before that movie night. how if you finished that sentence, he really wouldn't have been okay and all the progress he made in accepting your decision would be erased.

and that's why he has to go.

he's still not okay being around you, not okay seeing you with yeosang. not because it's his friend, it makes him happy he knows the man you're with and that you're in good hands; it's simply due to the fact it's not him. because he had pined and pictured it and also really thought it was gonna him, too, at one point.

"it's not, seonghwa," you cry against him, "this wasn't fair to you. we weren't fair to you and-"

"stop," he says softly against your head, letting his lips linger on you, his nose softly inhaling the scent of your hair, before he finally pulls back. he places his hands on your cheeks, wiping at your tears with the pads of his thumbs and you sharply inhale at the gentleness and familiarity; he's still so gentle and soft after all of this. "it's not about what's fair or unfair. stuff just...happened. and it all worked out the way it should."

"but you got hurt because of it," you whimper, "i hate that i hurt you, seonghwa."

"someone was gonna get hurt eventually, y/n," he says to you calmly, surely, because he's gone over this reasoning again and again these past few weeks as he contemplated everything. "and i'm glad it was me."

when you look up at him with a broken expression, like you think he's just saying this to make you feel better, he continues. "yeosang...needs someone like you. someone to tell him when he's being an asshole, which is more often than not."

he's happy to hear a short laugh leave your mouth, watching as you wipe at your wet face and he thinks, hopes, that the worst of this breakdown might be over.

"and he's good for you also," he adds quietly. "he always told me you were able to take care of yourself, that i never gave you the chance to."

you lick over your dry lips, tasting the salt from your tears and looking up at him. you can't remember the last time you guys were this close, just looking right into each other's eyes and seeing a flicker of every emotion in them. because it's so obvious right now that this is hard for both of you. but that it's also a necessary evil.

"and we probably wouldn't have worked anyway," he hums lowly, his eyes roaming your wet face.

that was the fact that probably took him the longest to deal with. because he thought his love for you was enough, the love that had such an unnatural abrupt start and only continued to escalate. "he brings out something different in you. i was always so desperate to help and protect you. but you're obviously more than capable of doing it for yourself."

you think over his words and find that perhaps he has a point. he did always save you and help you before you were able to build up the courage to snap and do it yourself. but of course you were gonna accept his help - who wouldn't? it made you feel cared for and doted on and loved.

"so you're saying you made me a damsel in distress?" you ask, humor managing to lace in your shaky tone.

he smirks at words, remembering all the times you two used that term. whether it was you knocking stuff down or getting stupidly bullied or getting lost in his backyard, it really had seemed as if that were the case.

"nah," he mumbles and his smile makes your pained heart lift. "but i liked saving you and you gave me a lot of opportunity."

another wet giggle leaves your mouth as you nod, wiping at your face before gathering the strength to look at him. your glossy eyes roam his face and his eyes could make you burst into tears again, soft and caring and maybe even a little sad himself. with a frown on his face, he lifts his hand to your cheek and rubs over the red skin softly.

"so we're okay, yeah?" seonghwa asks gently, an eyebrow quirked up. "no more ignoring each other? or...?" he mimics the tight, fake smile you guys have been throwing each other for month, a laugh bubbling out of your mouth that causes a real smile to spread on his face.

"please no," you say with a giggle, watching as his head falls from your face. "it's been so awful."

"yeosang kept calling me a pussy and i guess he's right," seonghwa says, narrowing his eyes when you bite your bottom lip to not laugh. "'cause moving my seat was a bit of bitch move."

"especially after you forced me to sit there!" you squeak, poking his chest lightly as you remember the way his deep voice demanded for you to sit in the back left corner. "and were soooo cryptic about your name."

a chuckle leaves his mouth as he shrugs, his soft eyes lit up with amusement before he makes his way over to the sink again. he insists that he had to keep up a cool image in front of the new girl, knowing full well his true self would show in a matter of days. you giggle as you watch him fumble with his toiletries, asking if he needs your help packing.

and thank god he accepted because what a mess his suitcase was. clothes thrown in and folded messily, soaps thrown in with his chargers as that thought of them exploding put you into a frenzy. he tells you the boys are coming over in an hour and asks you to stay, nodding at him with a smile before you two completely rearrange his suitcase.

the way you're talking and laughing now is how you wish you guys would've been these past few months. it's all so natural and easy, no hints of awkwardness or discomfort making you both weird around one another. maybe it's easier knowing you won't have to see each other again or knowing that you'll have some months to recover from everything.

but you hope that good things wait for him and that when he does come back, you'll be able to continue your friendship.

the boys come barreling through the door as you're sitting atop the suitcase, seonghwa pulling at the zipper and visibly stressed that you might fall over. "it's literally fine, just zip it!" you squeal, throwing your head back in laughter watching him tug with all his strength.

"i'm trying! it's harder than it looks!"

"oh my gosh, they're actually talking," wooyoung whispers to san.

"i know," san whispers back, feeling his heart lift at seeing you guys interacting so easily again.

"i think they would've been cute if it wasn't for-"

a smack on the back of his head causes a yelp to leave his mouth instead. "wasn't for who?" he hears yeosang ask, voice deep but filled with amusement. wooyoung turns to look at the boy, a guilty expression on his face the second he sees yeosang eye's narrowed sarcastically.

"well don't not finish the sentence on my account," he says when wooyoung just continues to stare guiltily.

"yay! we got it!" you squeal, clapping your hands before your head snaps toward the boys. you smile upon seeing them, waving happily and making sure seonghwa does in fact have it zipped before going over to say hi.

the six of you move into the living room, plopping down on the couch as you all enjoy the last few moments with seonghwa. they tell you about their first day of high school, what a complete and utter disaster it was because san and wooyoung had almost gotten kicked out before fourth period.

you text mingi and yunho to come over and say their goodbyes before he has to leave, the two boys barreling in twenty minutes later. you smirk at close their arms are pressed together, yeosang craning his neck so his mouth is right by your ear.

"they tell you they're together yet?"

"not yet," you say, watching mingi's tall frame wrap his arms around seonghwa; he had been his biggest supporter.

"wonder when they will," yeosang mumbles, pulling his head back to yelp "hi pretty boy!" across the room. yunho smirks seeing mingi's head snap up and turn into a sneer, throwing up a middle finger that the boy throws right back. "because it's so obvious they are."

the group gathered in the living room eventually travels out to the front, the feeling that everyone knew was coming hitting them the second they see the car pull up for seonghwa. you lean into yunho watching the boy's saying goodbye, san and wooyoung clinging to him tightly and whining. seonghwa looks like he's in pain as he stares at hongjoong and yeosang, the boy's shrugging and just telling the boy to endure it.

but when they don't let go, the two boys pry them off and give him a much less dramatic, parting hug. because while it fucking sucks, they're not overly concerned. they know they're still gonna talk to him everyday and that soon enough, they'll see him again.

yeosang turns to see your teary self leaning into yunho, walking over and placing his hand on your shoulder. "are you okay?" you ask him quietly, knowing that when he nods and looks at you, that he's not. but that's something for you to deal with when you get back to his house, for now taking a deep breath and walking over to seonghwa.

you can only look at him as more tears burn behind your eyes and he immediately shakes his head. "no more crying," he says, a frown on his face despite the amusement in his eyes. you let out a chuckle, nodding your head as you two share a gaze that says it all. that maybe under different circumstances, you would've loved each other the same way and the time after the ski trip could've gone completely different. that you're sorry for everything that happened but know it'll all be in the past soon, because you know the boy behind you is watching somehow came to be the one for you.

even with park seonghwa being a person who is as close to perfect as someone could be.

"make sure you keep yeosang in line, yeah?" he mumbles, looking at his friend who only rolls his eyes. and when you nod, he pulls you into one last hug that you immediately reciprocate. you rest your head on his chest as his arms wrap around your body, his lips pressing a chaste kiss to your head before they brush your ear.

"he's gonna miss me, he told me himself. so if he cries, you gotta let me know, okay? i need something against him."

you giggle again at his teasing, smacking him on the back lightly before pulling back. "have a good trip," you tell him softly "and don't end up in anyone's backyard!"

a chuckle leaves his mouth as he shakes his head. "think that's only your thing."

you smile again, your eyes no longer teary as you look into his and it's something strange that calms him. that you guys have said goodbye and you're on good terms and that you walk back to yeosang who's still gonna have someone while he's gone.

and then with one last round of goodbyes, san and wooyoung being held back from attacking the boy again, seonghwa gets in the car and waves goodbye. tears pricks your eyes watching his friends look at the departing car, your stomach twisting in pain for them.

you smile sadly when hongjoong, san and wooyoung finally turn around, half expecting them to start reaming into you and blaming you. but they only walk toward you, yeosang and the two giant boys, all eight of you now standing outside of seonghwa's empty house. a house that holds a lot of memories for everyone that they hope, soon enough, they'll be back to.

"so..." san says, rocking back and forth on his feet at the sad, empty silence stretching between everyone. "now what?"

(part 29)

#luna is team seonghwa #thats all i gots 2 say #seonghwa #seonghwa angst #seonghwa series #ateez #ateez angst #ateez series

[xofanfics]

String - Part II

Prologue | Part I | Part II | Part III

Genre: angst, fluff, SMUT

Pairing: Baekhyun x Female Reader ft. Sehun

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: You find yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation with your best friend. You have no business falling for him, but your heart begs to differ.

You stared at the clock, painfully counting down the minutes until this class was over. Syllabus week was the worst. Teachers sent out the syllabus and course guidelines by email yet, for some reason, you were still stuck here going over it even though you’d already read through it. Your teacher wasn’t saying anything new to you so you opened up your laptop, browsing Aldo’s website for their sale shoes. 

Your mind shuffled for the remainder of class. You looked down at your shameful, chipping nail polish and wondered what nail color you’d go for next. You smiled at it because Baekhyun did them for you the other day. Interestingly enough, he was good at those kinds of things. Even though he’d probably never let you paint his nails ever, he was good at painting yours and he didn’t mind doing things like that. 

Your random thoughts about nail polish and Baekhyun came to a halt as the people around you started shuffling. It was Thursday and, thankfully, you were done with class early. Your teacher had gone over the syllabus and went over the textbook and so on before bringing class to an end with “Have a good weekend. See you next week!”

Your friend, Daren, turned to you. “This class seems like it’ll be a breeze.”

“I hope so. I could use some more A’s this semester…” 

Daren smiled. “Are you hungry? Do you wanna get lunch?”

You said, “Sure. Do you wanna see if the others wanna come, too?” He nodded and you looked down at your phone that lit up with unread messages from the group chat. 

Within twenty minutes, you and Daren were sitting on a bench in Washington Square Park waiting on your friends. It was a gorgeous day out, a clear blue sky hanging over you.. Summer in New York City was the best. There was so much to do and so much to see in the city that never sleeps. The sun shone brightly on your face as you watched children playing near the fountain. One was splashing his hands in the water against his mother’s wishes and another crying because she dropped her ice cream. You smiled. You loved this city. It was just so authentic and raw.

You squinted in the direction of your friends approaching and waved them over. You could tell it was them because Evie had a slight bounce with each step she took.

“Hey gorgeous,” called Evie, plopping down next to you. 

“Hey guys,” Sadie said with a wave. “Where are we eating?”

Daren said, “I dunno. I thought you’d decide.”

While the three of them went on about where to eat, you looked down at your phone. Baekhyun hadn’t texted you back. He was in class; he sent a screenshot of his class schedule last week. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t be joining you for lunch today. With a small sigh, you returned to the conversation. Apparently, everyone had decided on going to get pizza. 

*

Baekhyun just had one class on Friday. It was the only class he could get into since his browser crashed on him as soon as it was registration time. By the time he’d logged on again, the class he’d planned on taking was full. With a yawn, he took a seat down in the 9am class and opened his laptop, ready to take notes. 

A few minutes after class began, he heard the door open. He glanced and saw a girl scurrying to an available seat toward the front of the classroom. She sat down and opened her notebook. The back of her head looked awfully familiar and it bothered him throughout the class. There was something so painfully familiar about her that he found himself staring at the back of her head and what little he could see of her side profile any chance he could.

As class ended, Baekhyun was relieved. The girl took her sweet time in gathering her things. She even sat there for a minute or two. Baekhyun watched her and part of him was even annoyed that she was taking so long to stand up and leave the classroom so that he could get a better look at her. Finally, she stood up. When she turned around, Baekhyun’s heart dropped. She didn’t notice him. With her phone in hand, she continued toward the door with no intention of looking in his direction. 

He called, “Kira?”

She looked up from her phone and her eyes met his. Her eyes lit up before the rest of her face. “Baekhyun?” She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. “Wow, it feels like it’s been so long…”

“Eight months is a long time,” he said, giving her a squeeze. “How’ve you been? How was your study abroad program?” He pulled away from her even though he didn’t want to.

“I’ve been good. Studying abroad was amazing. Florence is such an amazing city. I loved it,” she said. “How about you? I saw you went back to Korea over the summer.”

Baekhyun nodded. “It was good. It was nice to see my friends and my family. I feel a little homesick sometimes but I love this city, too. It feels good to be back.”

“Do you think you’ll try to stay after graduation?”

“For a little bit at least. I guess I’ll see if I can apply for a work visa later. I’m not sure I want to stay in Korea.”

“I feel the same way about Japan. Kanazawa will always be my home but I feel like I can make a name for myself here.”

“What do you want to do? You wanted to do something with skincare, right?”

Her eyes widened a bit, surprised that he even remembered what she thought was such a small detail. She smiled. “Yeah. I’m trying out a bunch of different formulas now for the face serums I want to make. Soon, I’ll perfect it. There’s a lot to do to start a business.”

Baekhyun returned her smile. “I bet it’ll turn out great and everyone will love it.”

Kira cleared her throat. “We should catch up sometime...”

“I’d like that. When are you free?” 

“Are you doing anything later today?”

*

You threw down the plastic shot glass onto the wooden desk. It was your second shot of the night and it was in Sadie and Evie’s dorm room. Sadie was playing lofi in the background and she and Evie were currently arguing over the choice of music. 

“What’s this sad ass lofi playlist?” Evie demanded. “If I wanted to kill myself, this is the playlist I’d choose.”

You laughed. “You have to admit, Sadie. This song doesn’t make me wanna get drunk on a Friday night.”

Sadie rolled her eyes, scrolling through Spotify to change the playlist. “Yeah yeah. Where are the boys? Are they on their way?” 

“Daren is on his way. He said he’ll meet us in front of our dorms. And Andrew said he’ll meet us at the bar.”

You turned in the Sadie’s desk chair. “Where are we going by the way?”

“Let’s start at Coyote Ugly,” said Evie.

Sadie said, “Yeah. The bartenders always try to get you to dance on the bar. I’m in the mood for something like that tonight.”

A makeup adjustment, an outfit malfunction, and another shot later, the three of you were off into the night in sight of your friends and a good night to be remembered as you kicked off the semester. Daren was in front of the dorms waiting; he had his foot kicked up onto the wall, leaning onto it while scrolling on his phone. A smile formed on his face as he noticed us approaching. 

“Now I feel underdressed,” he said, looking down at himself. You and the girls giggled as Daren rolled his eyes and started complaining. “I knew I should’ve changed.”

As the four of you walked over toward the East Side, Daren said, “Is Baekhyun coming out tonight?”

You said, “He texted the group chat earlier and said that he had plans tonight.” 

At first, you’d been kind of annoyed that Baekhyun wasn’t going bar hopping tonight; When you asked him why, he mentioned that he ran into one of his friends. You felt a little sad that he wouldn’t see you in the cute skirt you were wearing and even sadder that he wouldn’t be pulling it off of you later that night. 

By the time you got into the bar, it was starting to get crowded. There was a nice crowd of people, which meant that soon there wouldn’t be much breathing room left. Coyote Ugly wasn’t a high end bar or anything like that. It was the place to get drunk and to dance on the bar to good music. The bartenders were good looking and usually had a nice pair of tits to match. 

Sadie and Daren went to grab a table in the back while you and Evie went to grab a couple beers. As you waited for the bartender, Evie said, “So what’s with you and Baek?”

At this point, Evie knew that you liked him. She noticed immediately. Most times, Evie could be pretty quiet but it’s because she’s sitting back, observing people, watching their movements. She noticed that you liked Baekhyun before you did. You were walking to the train station one day when she asked, “You have a crush on Baekhyun, don’t you?” At that point, you’d only slept with him a couple times and hadn’t given it much thought.

You said, “What do you mean?”

“Didn’t you tell him how you felt about him before he left this summer?” 

You nodded. “We haven’t had that conversation again. I figured I’d wait until the time was right. School just started up again and if we already like each other, what’s the rush?”

“Are you sure he likes you?” she asked after ordering the beers.

You nodded. “Of course I am! He told me himself. I mean, it just hasn’t been a good time. It’s been a busy week. I’ve hardly seen him this week. Next time we meet up, I’ll bring it up again.”

“Sounds good.” You knew that Evie had more to say about it but for some reason she thought better of it and changed the subject as she paid for the beers. You grabbed two beers and headed back to the table with your friend. As you drank your beer and talked with your friends, you couldn’t get what Evie said out of your head. It wasn’t much but that one question had so much impact.

Are you sure he likes you? 

Shortly after being consumed by your insecure thoughts about Baekhyun and how he feels about you, you noticed that Drew had arrived and that he had lured over another group of people in their 20s. You watched as he flirted with one of the girls; she was currently throwing her head back at something Drew had said and you couldn’t help but laugh to yourself because there was nothing that Drew could say to make someone laugh that hard. 

You wished that Baekhyun was here. It seemed like everyone had a person. And by person you just meant someone to connect with. You watched as Evie and Sadie were enthralled in some deep conversation with one of the guys in the other group. Drew was flirting and Daren had disappeared. You couldn’t help but feel a little lonely.

With a sigh, you headed to the bar in search of another drink to drown your problems in. After you placed an order for a gin and tonic, a tall man approached you and stood next to you. Glancing at him, you noticed he was in the group that Drew had brought over to your table. He smiled at you and said, “Hey. You looked like you could use a friend.”

You chuckled. “Friend, huh? Isn’t that a little bold?”

He shrugged, leaning against the bar counter. “Not if that’s what my goal is.”

“What’s your name?”

“Sehun. What about you?”

“Y/N.”

“Pretty name.”

You ended up talking to Sehun for almost an hour. The two of you ended up grabbing seats at the bar. You talked about where he grew up and how he ended up in New York. He talked about what he wanted to do in the future, the places he wanted to travel, and the music he liked. While you two talked, you realized that you had a lot in common. The way Sehun talked to you wasn’t too flirty and proved that he wasn’t just trying to get you in a Lyft back to his apartment.

You couldn’t help but notice how attractive he was either. He had dark eyes that you could get lost in. His smile was enough to make any woman weak and his lips were such a sexy shape that you almost wanted to kiss them. You noticed his style, too. He seemed to be a pretty simple man, wearing a striped button down, a pair of khaki shorts, and some white designer sneakers you noticed when he got up to use the bathroom. At some point during your conversation, he mentioned that it was getting hot and he stripped down to the T-shirt he was wearing underneath. From what you could see, he seemed like he worked out a bit. 

You cleared your throat as Baekhyun crossed your mind again. It made you feel a bit guilty, even. You looked back at the table your friends were still sitting at. “Didn’t your friends leave a while ago?”

He chuckled, flashing a bright smile. “Yeah. They went to another bar but I was enjoying our conversation so I stayed here instead. I’ll find them eventually...” He put his finger on his chin for a moment, calculating his next move. “What do you usually do on weekends?”

“Nothing much. Usually I hang out with my friends or run errands. Since the weather’s gonna be shitty tomorrow, I’ll probably just stay in.”

“It’s supposed to be nice on Sunday,” he said, downing the rest of his drink. “To be honest, I’m a little drunk now but I want to ask you anyway…Would you wanna maybe go on a date with me on Sunday? We could get lunch or go to the park or something.”

You raised your eyebrows, shocked at the sudden invitation. No one had ever been this straightforward with you before. You weren’t used to a man just asking you out like this.

You frowned, thinking of Baekhyun again. “I’m kind of with someone.”

“Kind of?” He cleared his throat, raising his eyebrows. “You don’t seem too sure…”

“It’s complicated...but I’m down to be friends, if you want,” you said, pushing your phone toward him. Sehun was a really cool guy but you couldn’t accept a date with him. Not when you had Baekhyun by your side. If this had been months ago, before you and Baekhyun had sex for the first time, you would’ve accepted a date with him. 

Sehun wasn’t pleased with your response. To be honest, he was disappointed. You were one of the most interesting girls he’d met in a long time. There were a handful of girls out there who just wanted sex or a meal or whatever, but you didn’t give off that vibe at all. He was genuinely interested in getting to know you. From your answer, he knew that you were probably in some situationship and neither of you were on the same page. This was a truth he knew all too well.

The disappointment on his face was showing and you felt bad as he proceeded to put his number in your phone anyway. “If you’re ever kind of single, you should give me a call.”

And with a wink, he was off.

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