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#I also really don't want to join the discourse I just really felt the need to put my thoughts out into words so yeah...
cowgurrrl · 10 months
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The Actress
Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader
Author’s note: hehe
Summary: Red carpet interviews with Joel
Warnings: talk of an intimate scene, idiots in love, Joel Miller being a wife guy, PDA
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You're walking the red carpet for the premiere of your and Ryan's movie Hyde when you recognize one of your favorite interviewers. She's done a few interviews with you in the past, and she always asks unhinged or extremely thought-provoking questions; that's why she's one of your favorites. You gradually approach her, snapping pictures with Ryan and Joel along the way, and hug her.
"Oh, my God, hi! How are you?" You ask, and Rosie smiles.
"I'm good. How are you? You look stunning."
"I was literally just about to tell you the same thing. This blue dress is everything." You gesture to her beautiful baby blue dress, and she does a little pose for the camera, much to your excitement.
"Thank you! Alright, I've got some questions for you. Are you ready?" She asks.
"Always."
"Hyde has garnered a lot of online discourse about parenthood and the choice of having and raising a baby or seeking other options. When you read the script, what were your initial thoughts?"
"I thought it was an amazing script, and I knew it was an important story to tell, so I'm glad it's getting people to talk! Amber and Nick's relationship and decisions are so nuanced and complex, and I think it would be a disservice to the story if we didn't talk about it. But yeah, I remember being excited and a little nervous, but I knew I wanted to do it." You say.
"That's amazing! Okay, what was the hardest scene to film and why?" She asks, and you sigh as you bite your thumbnail.
"Probably the hospital scene. I won't give any spoilers, but that was a really, really long and emotionally taxing day. And Ryan couldn't even be on set that day because he'd start crying or I'd see him, and I'd just want him to be next to me, but that's not what the scene called for, so they literally closed set and told him he couldn't be there which was really hard for both of us. He's like my big brother, so it was difficult to do that without him, but afterward, he gave me the biggest hug, which was so nice."
"Speaking of Ryan, one of the parts of the movie that everybody is talking about is the cabin scene," she says, and you laugh. "What was it like to film that with him?"
"It was really strange! We've been friends for so long, so when we read that part of the script, we were definitely taken aback by it. We both spoke with his wife, Carolina, who's also an actor, before production about it, and at this point, I hadn't met Joel, so I was single, but she was so welcoming and knew it was just work. We also had an amazing intimacy coordinator, Tanya Reid, who guided us through every step and made sure we were taken care of. It really was a good experience, and I felt safe with him, and he felt safe with me, so that's really the only thing I can ask for."
"That's so sweet!" Rosie says, and you nod.
"Yeah, I'm really lucky to have gotten such a positive experience with someone I love so much."
"Okay, I have one more question for you."
"Hit me with it."
"Who's the better kisser? Ryan or Joel?" She asks, and your jaw drops.
"This is a horrible question!" You laugh.
"You don't have to answer it if you don't want to."
"No, I'm a goddamn professional," you purse your lips together as you think. "I'm going to say Joel because I haven't had to kiss Joel on a sound stage in front of a crew of about thirty people yet."
"Yet?" She asks, and you shrug as you glance back at where Joel is waiting for you.
"Well, he likes to come to set with me, and sometimes we'll need extras, and then he gets roped in, so I just have a feeling that it'll happen one day."
"So, you're telling me Joel Miller is doing non-union work on projects with you?"
"He actually said something about joining the union the other day, and I was like, "You've been in, like, three things. Please calm down." But yeah, I'm gonna go with Joel. Not that either of them are bad kissers! It's just weird to kiss Ryan at work and then go out to dinner with him and his wife, y'know? I think I'll stick with my own guy." You say as Joel walks over, hearing his name.
"Talkin' bout me?" He asks, kissing your cheek. He introduces himself to Rosie with a strong handshake and a gorgeous smile, that impeccable southern charm making an appearance.
"We were talking about how you're working on your EGOT status with all your non-union work." You say, and he laughs.
"Well, together, we've got, like, three-fourths of an EGOT."
"That's true."
"Joel, what do you think about all this?" Rosie asks, gesturing around at the event. "I mean, your girlfriend is pretty cool."
"Everythin' she does is pretty cool. I'm very lucky to have her in my life and to watch her thrive as an artist. I mean, there's nothin' better than watchin' your partner be happy, y'know?" He says, and you smile. “She’s also smokin’ hot. I mean, just look at her.”
“Joel!” You slap his chest.
“Do a spin! Show off the look!” He encourages you, grabbing your hand and raising it over your head. You oblige and spin under his arm. Joel wolf whistles in response, making you laugh, and fall into him. You two are the picture of domestic bliss: his arm wrapped around your waist and your hand on his chest, big smiles on both your faces.
“Well, you two are the internet’s favorite couple so we hope you guys have an amazing night. Congratulations on Hyde hitting theaters.” Rosie says, and you hug her.
“Thank you, sweetheart! Have a good night!” You say as you grab Joel’s hand. He uses his other one to shake Rosie’s hand one more time before walking the rest of the carpet with your guy.
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theflyindutchwoman · 7 months
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I’m piggy backing off our 5x20 anon cause I read your answer and I had thoughts and I was gonna comment on the post but I thought it might be too long 😂
Anyway, I’m really interested to see what they do with Lucy’s UC (long term ops) but on one hand I can see that she really does love UC, but I don’t necessarily believe her when she says she’ll be fine being gone for 6months to a year. She’ll absolutely be good at the work aspect of it, but emotionally being away for that long I don’t think she could handle. She was like almost devastated at the thought of not seeing Tim every day and their shifts not syncing up when she was going to transfer and again when they were discussing the detective vs metro hours. You could see how much she hated the idea of being away from him, and yet she’s gonna be okay not seeing or speaking to him while under for a long time? Idk it just doesn’t sit with me. It doesn’t seem in her character.
And then with Tim — I firmly believe when he asked her out, he already knew she was going UC and probably was already mentally preparing. He knew from the jump what being with Lucy would entail. So I do believe him when he says he’ll be fine. Cause knowing Tim, he thought it all before asking her out and taking that chance with her.
So how interesting would it be if it ends up being flipped. She’s not okay with it but he is, in a way — cause he really won’t be fine fine but he’ll manage cause he loves her.
You know what I mean?
Also I have a feeling it’ll go something like — she does a semi long op between 6a and 6b and comes back realizing she doesn’t like long term and just stays doing short term for a while and then stopping when her and Tim get married and eventually have kids. Cause that’s also what she wants and I highly doubt she’d want to still be doing UC like that once they’re married and have tiny humans and all that.
But also I want Lucy to have whatever career she wants lol she’s a badass.
Disclaimer : this is going to be a very long post… So hopefully Tumblr doesn't eat the 'keep reading' line. Also, I know how polarising the undercover discourse can be, so remember, those are just my two cents.
This is exactly why I hope we get to see Lucy on a long term assignment soon. So that she can find out if UC is truly something she enjoys doing and something she can handle. With all its ups and downs. Not just the part of playing a different character for a few days/weeks : this, she manages without trouble. I'm talking about the separation, the anxiety, always being on edge, the lies and deception, leaving the people you love behind (including the ones she might get attached to while undercover)… All the things she has been told about but hasn't really get to live yet. She needs to experience this to determine if that can be compatible with what she wants in life. The catch is she has to be a full-time undercover agent first. But she deserves to give it a try. Actually, more than that : she owes it to herself to try. Maybe she will decide that it's not for her (at least not long term UC)… Or maybe she will love it...
I think part of the reason why this seems out of character is because we don't really know why Lucy loves undercover work so much, what really attracted her to this line of work in the first place… The fact that the show has often portrayed it in an unflattering light doesn't help at all… It just creates a bigger dissonance. However, we need to remember that she is just starting her career, she's still figuring things out… Up until she joined the Academy, she didn't know what to do with her life. These are her words on the topic : Being a cop is the first thing I've ever been serious about… (1.04) I've been adrift since college, trying on different hats and different personalities, and nothing's felt right, until… Until this. (3.10) That's her whole driving force here : she finally found something she loves, that has meaning to her. That is so important. Even better : she is fully supported in that endeavor, including by people whose very lives got turned upside down by undercover work. We saw how much she loves the danger. It's not a coincidence that she asked Tim if he ever wished he had a normal job. Both of them can't fathom being anything else. Playing different roles is something she clearly likes and so far, only undercover work can give that to her. It's also the only department that showed an interest to her… At the end of the day, this is what makes her feel fulfilled, so I understand why she wants to pursue it and thinks she can handle it.
And maybe she can! Lucy is often underestimated, but she always proves herself. Don't get me wrong, I agree with your assessment : she did look rather devastated at the idea of spending less time with Tim… And yet, that didn't deter her one bit. She was still ready to move to another station. She still went along with the five-player trade despite Nyla's warning that the Metro hours were brutal. She was still studying for the detective's exam. Obviously there's a big difference between seeing less of each other and being completely separated for months. But my point is, she was still ready to make the sacrifice for Tim and she doesn't seem to regret it. She may not like the idea of being away, of not talking to him (and her friends) for months but that doesn't necessarily mean she can't handle it. Those are quite two different things. Wanting a family and a job that takes you away from your loves ones might seem contradictory, but she's not the first woman who finds herself in this conundrum. And notice how in the first two cases (moving in another station + Metro), she was fine with the trade-off (spending less time with Tim) because it meant that he would get to do something he loves, something he would find rewarding. If UC is that for her, then she deserves the same support.
As you mentioned, Tim absolutely knew about all of this and still decided that it was worth the risk. He was aware of her choice of career long before he even realised his feelings for her. From the moment she graduated, he's been nothing but supportive towards her goal. He was the one to convince her to go to the UC Academy. He asked her out mere days/weeks after she last went under (seriously, that was the episode right before). Undercover work is even the reason why they got together in the first place… which is so ironic when you think about it. When he said they were worth taking the risk, he meant it. Just like when he told Isabel that Lucy was different, I have no doubt he also meant it. He has some experience in the matter, he has some inklings as to what being separated for months truly means. Now it can be a hindrance, since it could trigger some bad memories - like we saw during her last undercover op. But it can also be an asset : he can learn from the past and avoid to make the same mistakes. I'd like to think that having both Tim and Nyla as her 'guardian angel' when she goes undercover is not just a happy happenstance. They both know the pitfalls of this job in a very different way and can guide Lucy on how to avoid them, to succeed where they previously failed. And let's not forget that he knows what's it like not to be supported… Ashley was trying to make him quit his job - I can't see him doing it to Lucy. I believe that Tim's biggest challenge will be to express his feelings, since he tends to internalise them. That's why I'm glad that he and Lucy were able to set things straight, to set their boundaries. Like you, I also think he is going to be fine (under the circumstances), but it was an important step for them. They can only make it work if they're both honest and communicate with each other.
And hear me out : maybe they could be the ones to make it work! So far, with the exception of her first solo op, Tim has always been involved… and even then, he managed to insert himself in the equation. So maybe that could be an alternative : having Tim as her case officer. It's not like it's impossible : her last assignment was supposed to last weeks or months, and Grey didn't have an issue with Tim being Lucy's handler. It would also solve a lot of issues : they would still be in direct contact, he would be able to immediately know if something was wrong and raise the alarm if necessary and she has complete faith in him, so knowing he's the one who has her back would probably make her feel more comfortable. And apparently they are not against the casual hookup during their debriefing ;).
You know, sometimes I wonder if we are just over thinking it… The writers have been teasing us with this long term UC mission since s3 and so far, the longest period was the 2-week op she did in 3.14. That and the month away at the Academy if we want to make it count… So who knows if we are ever going to get one. Maybe the writers are just going to follow what NCIS LA did. I don't know if you are familiar with the show, but basically the agents had to often go undercover to solve a case… it ended up being mostly short assignments so the mission would fit in one episode - two in rare cases. A bit like Lucy has done until now. Also, her getting married or having kids doesn't have to mean the end of her career. She could still work undercover. She could be a case officer herself. Or coordinate/supervise UC missions. Or mentor new officers… You know, be in a leadership position, which would be perfect if that happens in a couple of years. Or maybe she can be recruited by another division like Porter suggested in 5.02.
I want Lucy to have whatever career she wants lol she’s a badass. YES! I couldn't agree more! That's why I'm a bit sad at the idea that she has to change her dream… All the other main characters got their dream job. Sure, that job doesn't take them away for a long period of time but hey, it's a show, they can find a way to make it work. In the end, I don't know if she'd enjoy long term UC… I understand why you think she won't : that definitely wouldn't have been my first choice of career for her. But regardless of my opinion on the matter, I just want her to be able to make that choice for herself, you know? To determine what's best for her, whether it's going forward with UC or doing something else. The only scenario I would completely hate is if that decision is taken away from her… That Primm blocks her. Like they did with Nolan and that Union guy… Because unlike with John, I doubt there would be a Golden Ticket waiting for her...
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wishis · 5 days
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hi paimon! your blog is very nice, and you always seem very sweet so i thought maybe i could talk to you about this?? it's a little bit of a vent but nothing too personal, it's just about the state of the selfship community >,<
i very recently joined the selfship community. i don't participate in any sort of discourse, especially not shipping, because i don't think it really matters?? i just block the things/people i don't want to see... but going through the selfship tags feels like walking through landmines. nearly every post has some sort of dni on it, and people have been including neutrals in their dnis now too?? it's like if you don't identify as "proship" or "anti-proship," you're immediately treated as hostile and it's really unwelcoming and it makes me sad...
i just joined the community to post about my f/o. i thought this community was supposed to be for fun and comfort, not for discourse and being hostile towards each other. i wish everyone would just realize that, in the end, we're all selfshippers?? we love our f/os, that should be the only thing that really matters waaa
very sorry for the long ask i really didn't know where else to say this, you seemed nice and like you might understand :( it's okay if you delete this btw! i just wanted to get this out somewhere that wasn't public
hello hello anon!! no need to apologize, paimon is glad you felt comfortable enough to come and say this all here!! paimon agrees, it really is a shame that so much of the community is so split over something so minor*... it does feel unfair that they're putting people who don't want to be involved in discourse in their dnis as well... but! there are always people who are friendly regardless!!
paimon hopes you can find some friends/mutuals who also just care about the selfshipping! you're always welcome here, anon <3
*edit: by minor, paimon means just taste in fiction! this isn't including how people act with their specific views!
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rambheemlove · 2 years
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Take me by your hand
-A Dhruya (DayaXDhruva) fanfic
Chapter 1- Arrival
Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5
word count: 2401
Warnings: none
A/N: I realise not many people here have watched Dhruva and Temper, so please tell me if you don't want to be included in the taglist. If you still want to read this fic, just know that Dhruva defeated this guy named Siddharth, and it was the main plot point of the move, it was a huge case. And Daya (jr ntr), used to be a crook and thief, but some shit happens and he realized that it wasn't right and fixes his mistake and turns good in the end.
Originally Dhruva came out after Temper, but i've changed the timeline up, and now Temper takes place after Dhruva.
1st img Daya, 2nd img Dhruva
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...............
The bag landed on the floor with a thud. Dhruva looked around the room to soak it all up. The sunlight streamed in from the window situated just above a sleek wooden desk, on which sat a thin brochure of the facility.
A few months ago the government initiated a new project for the police department. In which the members who have joined for less than 2 years and are relatively new, will be grouped together for a month or so. The position or state of the police officer didn't matter, what mattered was if the impact they'd managed to have was big enough, they were to be included.
There had been high discourse in the Parliament on whether it should happen or not. The ruling party had claimed they wanted to encourage the young people in the police force who have done well for society. Something about the youth being the 'flame' this country needed.
The opposition party had tried to argue that it would bring nothing noteworthy and that the government was just trying to pull this new stunt to win the upcoming election and gather the votes of the younger generation. Another thing about the fact that the facility would be under the government's control and that the attendees would be bribed or swayed heavily.
In the end, the verdict had been that the program would take place this year as an experiment, and if the outcome was great enough, it will be granted permission to continue.
Dhruva didn't know where he stood on this decision. On one hand, the government had provided them with the best equipment available in the country. But that also made it seem like it most definitely had an ulterior motive of swaying its opinion in the public for the election.
He was pretty certain this decision was inspired by the particularly recent media sensation. The officer that was ready to be hanged to take criminals down with him. It'd created just the right amount of stir in the public for the government to take advantage of.
If Dhruva remembered correctly, the officer's name was Daya. He didn't know why the other had gone to such extremes, but he admired the courage. He must be a very disciplined and principled man to be able to put himself on the line like that, he thought to himself.
Overall, Dhruva had been lucky enough that the program's facility was constructed in Hyderabad itself, and he could continue on with the next case he's been trying to uncover.
It'd been 8 months since the Siddharth case, and he could feel that he was on the precipice of uncovering another organized crime.
Dhruva looked around his bedroom for a closet, and found it just beside his bed. He didn't particularly have a wide range of clothes. Ishita used to pester him relentlessly for that. A sad smile split his face at the memory. He missed Ishita, but he knew he could never love her the way she wanted him to.
He'd convinced himself he loved her romantically, but something just felt off for the entirety of 3 weeks they'd managed to be together. He really wanted to love her the way she wanted, but he couldn't bring himself to feel that attraction. And she had been quick to catch on.
Ishita had left, and rightfully so. She said she had to get away for a while to get over him, and he understood.
A message popped on his phone, pulling him out of his reverie.
The attendees are requested to attend the meeting in the conference hall held at 11:30 a.m. today. Please refer to the brochure provided to each and every member for directions.
Regards.
He looked at his wristwatch, 11:18, it read. He quickly changed into one of the arrays of uniforms he found in the closet. A simple black t-shirt and beige cargo pants with the logo printed on the left front pocket. There were also a couple of simple cotton pajamas in there.
Ah. He thought to himself. The Government was definitely trying to pull something.
It took Dhruva longer to navigate his way to the conference hall than he initially thought. The whole building was built like a maze.
Once everyone had settled down, the mentors began to introduce themselves one by one. An SP who'd taken down an underground mafia, an ISP who'd saved two buses full of girls being trafficked, and many more.
Dhruva was paying only half of his attention to the introduction and instead flipped through the brochure, taking notice of the boundaries of the facility and memorizing all the places the CCTVs were situated. If he was careful, he could try to follow along the east gate to sneak-
"Murthi ji!" a booming voice shouted over the mentors. Dhruva frowned, and followed the voice to the door of the hall. From how far he was sitting, he could vaguely make out a guy about the same height and age as his, and a much older man clad in an old police uniform, his eyes fixed on the ground.
"No sir! I can't enter." The older man spoke. His voice held a robotic tone, and he made a lot of hand gestures.
The other guy paid no attention to anyone in the hall who was watching the scene play out. He ruffled his hair, and even from how far Dhruva was, he could make out just how jittery the other guy was.
"Murthi Ji I said to come in! You take orders from me and I insist you come in!" He was now tugging on the older man's hand, who Dhruva understood to be named Murthi.
"But sir-" he was cut off by the other guy pulling him along and making his haste way inside the room looking for a place to sit. Dhruva tried to make it look like the seats beside him were taken, but fate had a different plan.
As they made their way down the hall, a flare of recognition went up in Dhruva's mind. Could it be? No way...
He came and sat on the chair next to him, crossing one leg over the other. He was drumming his fingers on the arms of the chair, and paid no mind to Dhruva. The older ma- Murthi Ji was standing beside him with his hands clasped and an incessant frown of disapproval on his face.
The mentors looked just as confused as everyone else before a guy came running to them and whispered something in one of their ears.
Recognition lit her face, and she instantly put on a smile. "Ladies and Gentlemen! We have among ourselves SI Daya!"
It took a moment before everyone started clapping. They were just as shocked as Dhruva.
How could he have been so off? For whatever reason he had imagined him to be far more disciplined. But well, he had missed the mark on that to say the least.
Daya was now grinning like a Cheshire cat. He stood up to bask in the applause, and placed his hands on his waist, tapping his jittery feet on the floor. "Thank you all!" he shouted. He looked less like a dedicated cop and more like a movie star. There was amusement in his eyes, and when combined with the way his ears seemed to stick out just a bit and his unpredictable demeanor, he looked purely maniacal.
The mentor spoke up again "And along with him we have- er,", "Murthi Ji!" Daya shouted back. He clapped Murthi Ji on the back and held his hand up as if he was showing him off. Murthi Ji's eyes shone with pride and a self-satisfied smile.
Dhruva was beyond confused. Daya had just been annoyed at Murthi Ji and was now acting like he was his prized possession.
When everything settled again, Daya sat back down in his seat. Crossing his legs once again.
This time though, he turned to look at Dhruva. There was an intensity in his big eyes that made Dhruva feel as if he was facing a storm. He was biting his lips in a playful and mischievous way, but there wasn't anything child-like about it.
He held out a hand, and Dhruva shook it with a polite smile. "SI Daya" He introduced himself. "Dhruva IPS," He said back.
Daya looked him up and down with squinted eyes and bit his lip harder. He winked at him before turning around to look at Murthi Ji. "Isn't he pretty?" He asked, but turned back around before Murthi Ji could open his mouth.
What? Dhruva didn't know what was happening. In the span of five minutes, he'd seen more emotion on the other man's face than what an average person did in probably an hour.
He figured it'd best suit him to be polite for now. So he gave a nod and a smile and turned his attention back to what the people on stage were saying.
Amazingly, Daya didn't say much after that. And instead opted for mildly bickering with Murthi Ji, who was refusing to take a seat because apparently he wasn't invited into the government project. But Daya had made him tag along anyway, and it didn't seem like he had any plans as to where the other would stay.
Dhruva wasn't trying to listen in, but the guy was just so damn loud...
His attention was drawn back from the news article on his phone to the stage once again as they started pairing people up.
He frowned, he didn't recall reading about that in the pamphlet, but as he thought back he did remember reading something along the lines of it in the email he recieved two weeks ago.
The list was very long, and they'd probably be here for hours. He leaned back in his chair and pulled up that article again.
"So?" A voice came from beside him. He looked up to find Daya looking at him, supporting his head on his left hand and smirking, for what reason Dhruva couldn't tell.
"Excuse me?" He asked, not catching what he meant.
"What's your deal? Why are you here?"
"I solved the Siddharth case. "
Daya did a double take and sized him up. He looked back at Murthi ji, "Murthi Ji! Look who we have here! Hyderabad's super cop!"
The older man raised his hand in a salute for Dhruva and bowed down.
Dhruva was about to say some nice pleasantry when Daya spoke up again. Did he ever shut up?
"You're not what I expected, Mr. Dhruva."
I could say the same about you.
"IPS Dhruva and SI Daya!" A voice interrupted them.
What? No no no no no. How did this happen? In this crowd of people did he have to get Daya?
Half an hour earlier he would have been fine with the pairing, but now, after seeing what Daya was..., he'd have stayed home instead.
The man beside him jerked up, "Would you look at that! Our fates are so intertwined, no?"
Dhruva was usually very good at identifying people. And recognizing what they wanted. But for the life of him he could not make sense of Daya's expression. His words seemed cheery enough, but his eyes felt like they carried a million other thoughts. And from how big they were, it was entirely possible. They were...
Threatening? Inviting? Challenging?
Dhruva took a deep breath and gave a tight lipped smile. "I'm sure our journey will be interesting."
...................
The session ended and Dhruva almost darted out of the seat, heading straight for the organiser.
"Excuse me? Can I exchange my partner?"
"I'm sorry sir, but everything has been set prior. The cases have already been assigned to the pre-made pairs and you all will receive them tomorrow. It's too late to change them."
Dhruva contemplated that for a moment, then spoke up. "Can I work on my case alone? I promise it will be completed without any hiccups."
"We really can't do any last minute changes sir. Plus, it's only a month. I'm sure it won't be that bad." She got up and left, leaving Dhruva agitated.
Not just because he had to deal with that Daya, but also because his brain was tingling. Why the blatant refusal to change partners?
Maybe it was just his brain working overtime. Still, he tucked that thought somewhere in the back of his mind.
....................
Dhruva took a step back, looking over the wall that was now filled with known names and familiar faces.
Since he couldn't find enough time in his schedule to visit his office everyday, which was on the opposite side of the city, he'd have to make do with what he's got.
Which was apparently a now used-to-be empty wall.
Suddenly he heard some commotion outside. Dhruva frowned, and strained his ears to listen more closely.
Then it came again. This time though, it was much louder. He cracked open his door just a bit to take a look. Nothing out in the long corridor was out of place, save for the fact that the room opposite his was open, and standing in front of it were...
Shit.
"Murthi ji I'm insisting you. "
"No sir, you've done enough for me and my family. I can find a place to stay somewhere in the city."
"Don't get all emotional with me, I'm already annoyed in this God damn heat and you refuse to listen to me."
"But sir! I shouldn't be here."
"And you think I should?! A few months ago you would've barred me from stepping in here."
"But sir-"
"You know what? Alright. Fine. You stay here with your uniform and morals. I'm going to get a shower."
Daya went inside the room and shut the door a bit too loudly, as if to make a point.
Dhruva huffed, cursing at whoever resided above for having a vendetta against him. Daya was exactly the kind of man he wanted to avoid. So arrogant and loud and irritating. But someone above clearly didn't like Dhruva.
Just as he was about to shut the door he saw Murthi ji go off down the hall, and Dhruva couldn't help but sympathize with the older man. How he managed to deal with Daya, he didn't know.
He shook his head, as if to throw away the thoughts of his supposed new partner out of his mind.
@kookiries @rambheem-is-real @fangirlshrewt97 @burningsheepcrown @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @floating-mushroom @fadedscarlets @hufhkbgg @connerwrites @rorapostsbl @kashti15 @ronaldofandom @pine-breeze @bromance-minus-the-b @obsessedtoafault @jrntrtitties @tulodiscord @rambheemisgoated @dumdaradumdaradum @ramcharantitties@stanleykubricks @mizutaama @thewinchestergirl1208 @jadebomani @aasthuu @sally-for-sally @annieginny
tbh i don't know if anyone will liike this or not, but i think i've spent enough time on it, and it's already long enough i can't add more
if you're still reading, hi :D, the next chapter will be more interesting
*nervous laugh* feedback is immensely appreciated, positive, negative, anything works!
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bonesandthebees · 9 months
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SHAKES UR HAND PRISMO !!!
together we can convince the bee tumblr community to become as obsessed with it as us
ALSO DAMNNN DEDICATED /POS
on a side note-
hold up
on a side side note: i get so distracted in these asks bee omfg im so sorry, i feel like my high energy can get too much sometimes KFDSJKDF pls let me know if u need me to turn it down a notch, i just get excited whenever i talk about fics soo aksdfjkSKJDF
anyways on the original side note: talking about the bee tumblr community just made me think about it, it really does feel like a sort of family <3 i love seeing all the random updates from the different anons here and getting to connect to you and to each other, it feels much more wholesome and secure than places like twt LMFAOO but idk it's just nice <3
i had tumblr for awhile but i never used it until i started reading the asks here, and it took me awhile to join in bc i felt intimidated skfdkjsd which is ironic bc yknow i could always go anon? but idk it just felt like everyone had their groove going and i didn't want to intrude, but i joined and i never felt that way
anyways oops this got long (as it always does kjfsdkj), but i just wanted to say that i appreciate you bee <3 for letting us anons n non anons ramble in ur ask box and analyze ur fics and/or just straight up scream noncoherent things
this has been a bright spot in my life lately and it's really special to me <333 and ur genuinely like . one of the kindest authors i've met, but you also have such a good sense of your boundaries n stuff, i admire you really. ur super cool
and also to all the other sillies in bee's asks, i appreciate u guys too <3 ur all super cool people, and i love hearing what you have to say :)) it's genuinely really nice and comforting to be a part of this community <33
lol no you're fine icy!! while it can be a Lot it always makes me laugh whenever I post a chapter of something that has sandduo in it and my inbox just fills with you screaming. it makes me so happy to know how excited my fics make you and the others though so :D
the thing you said about the tumblr community we have here is so sweet though and it's more right than I think even I realized initially. it's really nice when I see regular askers/anons pop up in my inbox and get to catch up on tiny parts of your lives and then in turn you guys talk to each other—it's just so sweet y'know? the thing I really love about having such an active inbox especially with asks about my fics is that it's a lot easier for me to respond to tumblr asks than ao3 comments. I rarely reply to ao3 comments because it's really just overwhelming and then I'm like "well if I respond to one person I feel bad about not responding to everyone else" but sometimes I just don't know what to say or there's just too many comments y'know? I LOVE my ao3 comments they mean so much to me but it's really nice to have people come into my inbox here to tell me their thoughts on my chapters bc it gives me a chance to reply with my own thoughts in a way that feels a lot more like a discussion I guess
so yeah. thank you guys for coming into my inbox to give me your thoughts it seriously makes me so happy and is definitely part of the reason why I have so much motivation to post so much.
also I'm really glad you decided to start popping in here one day icy you're very fun to have around :)
one thing I've always been very aware of since getting 'big' in this fandom is how to maintain things like boundaries while still connecting with the community and my readers specifically. because I wanna talk to you guys and I love interacting with you and all that, but also sometimes people in fandom who get 'big' can be a bit strange to others or get way too involved with discourse and just stir the pot and to each their own do fandom how you want but I don't wanna do that y'know. I'm here to have a good time and I want this little community we've built to also just be a nice, welcoming place for everyone
thank you for this icy it really made me smile to read <3
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lochley · 8 months
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(this may be way off honestly and as usual i need to not talk about lennier when i'm too tired to properly know what i'm saying lmfao so please don't take the below too seriously. it's more me rambling because i eventually do want to put something more articulate together, and i also do like hearing people's thoughts on the topic to help me better understand it all.)
anyway i feel like at times the lennier characterization discourse creates this perceived binary of him only being allowed to be a) selflessly loyal or b) wholly selfish this whole time, and i just... don't understand why lennier isn't allowed to dip between them like a normal individual whose virtues double as their flaws.
like i see why people felt it was out of character but to me i just see someone who spent years of their life struggling with emotions that completely overran every aspect of their existence slowly declining into one moment of weakness.
he put in SO much effort to be the kind of person he wanted to be, or at least the kind of person he wanted to be for delenn. everyone is like this to an extent--we have natural impulses to do pretty awful selfish things, but those impulses don't define us. the actions we choose define us, and for the most part lennier chose some pretty selfless actions! but those actions are not perfectly reflective of what's going on inside his head at all times. he is not a perfect selfless pure person inside and out--he has to fight off the same impulses we all do... otherwise he'd be kinda 2-dimensional in this area.
so to me, his Bad actions add layers to prior episodes in a way that expanded upon what was going on mentally. it fleshes out the foundation that was already there and gives us more insight into his internal monologue, which isn't something we can get directly since we aren't privy to his unfiltered diary unfortunately. he didn't exactly have friends outside of delenn, and if he did... would he ever admit to anything of the darker stuff on-screen? most of us probably wouldn't.
but i still feel like the signs of how much he was struggling were there in choices such as leaving to join the rangers, which he did explain outright as feeling like he'd been replaced by sheridan early in season 5. he was pulling away because of how much the whole situation hurt him--he went and joined a military force to feel like he could be worthy of delenn in this new dynamic. that's... not something a mentally well person really thinks when their crush is telling him he has nothing to prove. his emotions caused a huge disconnect with reality, which isn't uncommon--we all tell ourselves stories when we have such strong emotions.
ANYWAY back to the whole dichotomy thing. lennier was struggling, but he wasn't selfish or possessive about it in his actions (at least the actions that related to delenn) for the majority of the show. he didn't make it delenn's problem. and maybe that's proof that he wouldn't ever try to take sheridan away from her, but to me it's just proof that he spent so long struggling he was overdue to lose that internal battle even just once. he didn't lose the war--he didn't go totally apeshit and start hating delenn and vow to kill sheridan after failing to let him die successfully--he made one bad choice and immediately regretted it once he regained that post nut near manslaughter clarity.
those actions don't overwrite his whole character to have been an incel the whole time. (and i'm not saying Everyone thinks that necessarily since most people think it was more an isolated ooc moment than an unpleasant recontextualization) to me, it was a natural progression of someone sticking so debilitatingly faithfully to selflessness that they naturally crashed and burned, and at least to me i think that comes across throughout the later seasons pretty well when going back.
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This is just a vent about my relationship with religion over the years and my own healing in preparation to embrace Judaism. So I've been sitting on my spiritual journey the last couple of days I've finally realized a lot of things. So I've discussed on here more than a few times that I wanted to Jewish even when I was getting my first communion and being raised Catholic, and even before I fully understood more basic concepts of Judaism. I just felt this pull in my chest, much like the pull I had to transition. (My parents pulled me out of Sunday school for informing the teacher I wanted to be Jewish).
A friend said to me in recent years "It's so interesting to me that the two things you've known from day one was that you were Jewish and that you were a boy." and I really feel as if that sums up how I feel, in a lot of ways I just ... feel like inside of me is a Jewish man, and I need to transition and convert to get him out. However I had a lot of toxic teachings from my Catholic church in me at the time about what Gd was. This lead to me forming a very intense hatred for Gd, I was nine years old and wanting to have sex in churches on Sundays out of spite, sounds ridiculous but I was a really young child. I had been growing up Autistic and Trans with no understanding of either, my family was also very toxic and my father was always either absent or gaslighting me. I just kept thinking "Why would Gd do this to me? Why does he hate me? There's something wrong with me (Queerness I couldn't place) that he's not gonna like either." This paired with the fact I didn't really have resources outside of this church.
When I started practicing "Wicca" (regret, but that is a whole other post/can of worms) it was also out of spite. I would still be "Pagan" around the end of my teens/maybe very, very early twenties. Though, I'd healed from my religious trauma around my mid-teens, there was still some ignorance and toxicity keeping me in Paganism. A lot of it was feeling like joining a monotheistic religion would mean having to turn my back on all my friends I've made over the years and brand them "Wrong". Once I got over that, in my late teens, it was a stark feeling of "I don't belong in any monotheistic spaces anymore, and I'm Queer so that's worse." (Though throughout all of this, I was still subconsciously drawn to Judaism, using my little understating of it and little research I allowed myself to do, was writing so many Jewish characters, especially ones that represented me in some way, like a gentile boy with a girls name who was half-raised by his Jewish neighbors and he even had a Bar Mitzvah and everything... it made sense in my literally 12 year old brain and my 12 year old brain only, point is the desire to be Jewish was there.)
Once I got over that in my later teens, there was this barrier between me and Judaism that felt like... I don't know. The feeling I get around not wanting to be a weeb. I kinda thought "This isn't for me" although I'd already made peace with and put away all that. Then I started seeing people on Tumblr who were converting and I had this little light bulb moment of "This is allowed?" and I started researching but I still kind of felt like ... that weeb feeling of like "I don't want people to think I'm so obsessed with Judaism that I think I AM Jewish when I'm not." Once I got over that though, I don't know ... Studying Judaism is the most at peace I've ever felt spiritually in my entire life and despite all the hurdlers I've put in front of myself I still want that so much. Seeing the Tumblr discourse about people on Tumblr who are converting has been absolutely nerve-wracking and I've been trying to cope with it, but in the meantime I'm grateful for people like r*monoroni (I wont tag them because it'd be weird) who are so openly welcoming of converts on their blogs. Timelines for this stuff may very as I have pretty bad PTSD from things unrelated to religion, so timelines are very fuzzy and I can only really separate phases of my life very vaguely but I remember the emotions. The point of this post was to just lay stuff out for myself. I really can't wait to start that conversion journey... I've wanted it for so long. I've been wandering for so long and I'm ready to come home, I just hope I'll be able to.
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Okay, I know I don’t post much on here anymore, but SPN has left my heart feeling so heavy. This show has been my home for the past 5 years and the characters have become my family, I don’t even know what to say other than fuck.
Also, am I the only one who didn’t hate the ending? Like sure, it wasn’t the best but idk they found their peace, and I couldn’t really picture them spending the rest of their lives hunting anyways. I also appreciated that it wasn’t super over the top, they kind of took it back to the beginning, and I just felt like I was watching the first season again. And considering the circumstances that it was filmed in, it wasn’t bad. 
Idk... ugh fuck dude
Thoughts? 
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You are my world. you three are my world now - h.h
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hello there! I'm back ! Sorry if it tooks so long, i have a lot of work during these holiday. I hope you like this little request. I didn't have time to be proofread (but a big thank you to@petersasteria who is always there to support me!). Remember that my native language is French, so don't be so mean if i made mistakes!
Feel free to like, share, comment and tell me what you think. Send me a message if you want to be added to the taglist for my next work!
Word count: 2300 Warning: angst, mention of pregnancy, small mention of blood, mention of placental abruption Pairing : harry holland Request: yes!
ღღღ
You didn't expect to be pregnant with twins at your age. The announcement of your pregnancy had also surprised more than one. Despite her support, Nikki Holland had still given the discourse on the importance of safe sex to her son. But Harry had given a more than mature speech in defense of both of you. He was able to prove to his family and to yours that you were ready and that the decision to continue the pregnancy was not rash.
You were now at the half of your eighth month and nothing could stand in the way of your happiness.
Nothing except maybe this.
Nikki had offered to have lunch with her this afternoon. Despite his work as a photographer, no longer having the company of his four children - since three of them left the family cocoon to live their own life as grown-up adults- weighed heavily on her. You accepted with pleasure. Harry, who was editing his third short film, had left you this morning to go to the edit suite, not without checking that you were okay. So, you joined Nikki at the restaurant. You shine in your long floral maternity dress. In the middle of the meal, you felt a violent contraction.
At almost eight months pregnant, it was no surprise that you could feel twins’ movements. You winced a little at the pain and your mother-in-law put a reassuring hand on your arm.
"Are you alright, darling?" she asking, a little bit worried.
"Yeah, yeah. They've just been in great shape for a few days now."
You apologized and went to the bathroom, struggling to cope with the pain of your contractions. When you noticed that your underwear was soaked with blood, your heart rate increased. You suddenly realized that a series of symptoms corresponded to what you had dreaded early in your pregnancy: the nausea that had occurred last night, the violent contractions since this morning and now the blood. Rather alerting signals that suggested a placental abruption. The obstetrician told you that this was a possible risk since you were having a twin pregnancy. You started to cry and panic for several minutes that Nikki ended up knocking on the bathroom door.
"Darling, is everything good in there?" she asked you with her sweet and worried voice.
"Could you come in please" you sobbed.
"Sure, darling. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"
She stepped carefully into the disabled cabin that you had used for space reasons. Nikki immediately noticed your state of stress. And you just told her everything in strangled sobs. She put a hand behind your back and gave you a very serious look.
"We have to go to the ER. We're going right away."
"I want Harry"
"Don't worry, I'll call him on the way"
And you haven't wasted a minute. Nikki simply left her phone number and table number at the counter before you got into your car. Dom will retrieve Nikki one's later. Holland family been known from the restaurant, the staff were comprehensive about your leaving without paid the bill. When you arrived at the hospital, the nurses greeted you directly and wasted no time either. You were taken to the operating room without being able to get your boyfriend's support.
☙♥❧
Harry arrived within fifteen minutes of receiving the call from his mother. No doubt he would receive a speeding penalty ticket later. He looked like a madman, mortified by worry. He was a bundle of nerves and sarcasm. Her mother was standing by the reception desk, waiting for her. She looked anxious. Tom was there too, trying to contact their father on his phone. When Dom finally picked up, the oldest Holland brother announced the urgency. Harry was shaking with worry.
"What happened mom?"
"I don't really know, baby. We were at the restaurant and the babies kicked. She went to the bathroom and when she didn't come back, I went after her. That's where she asked me to come into the bathroom and you know the rest. I called you straight after that. " Nikki explained, trying to get the stress out of her.
"Oh my god… where is she now?"
"The medical staff took her for surgery. I had to wait here. I couldn't go with her, baby. I’m so sorry."
"Ok ... Ok, I guess I have to wait here. Hope she's okay. God, please make her be alright."
They all made their way to the operating theater hallway for the public to wait for more information. Tom was still on the phone with his father, explaining that it would be better if he stayed at home with Paddy so as not to overcrowd the waiting room. He promised his father that they would all give news as soon as possible. A nurse in a surgical gown entered ten minutes later.
“Who's the father of miss y/l/n's babies?”
“I am. Harry Holland, I’m the father!” he almost screamed and cried at the same time.
“Come with me”
Nikki stood up cautiously and walked over to the nurse. Harry was ready to follow the nurse without giving any further information to his family.
"Excuse me. Can you give us more information on her condition?" Nikki asked
"Sure. We had an emergency caesarean. The babies are fine but there seem to be some complications with the mother. The surgeon is taking care of her."
"Is she going to be okay?" Harry asked hastily.
"She's losing a lot of blood but we're doing our best. Now please follow me." She said to curly one.
☙♥❧
Harry followed her to the nursery. His heart was pounding in mixed emotions. He was so impatient to meet his babies but at the same time he was worried about you. What if you don't survive from the complications? What was to become of him? Would he be able to live without you? Would he be a good father?
His last question vanished when he saw his two little babies in the incubator. Your twins had arrived about fifteen, almost a month earlier than expected, it was normal that they were in an incubator. Harry was going to have to make sure they put on weight. After filling out a few papers, one of the nurses offered to do some skin-to-skin contact with the twins so that they could get to know the three of them. Harry could not but be impatient with this and once prepared he settled into a seat. He was overcome with emotion, understanding how his parents had felt when Sam and him were born. He completely forgets the time, spending several minutes with his sons, one after the other. Harry knew he would place all his love in the two little beings he had taken turns holding in his arms. He was ready to lift mountains, cross the tides. Part of his mind was on you and he truly hoped he could go through life's trials with you. May your family experience all the times they deserve.
The nurse who had brought him to the nursery go up to him with a half-smile. She was sorry to disturb him during this privileged father-son moment.
"Your ... hm ... miss (y/l/n) is in the recovery room. You can go see her now"
Harry's heart burst with relief. He let out a sigh he didn't know he was holding back. The very new father nodded before placing his son in the nurse's arms so that she could put him back in the incubator. He decided to go find his family who had been waiting too long now. When he entered the waiting room, his mother and brother were still seated. Tom had his elbows on his knees, the phone in his hand. He seemed to be talking to someone. When the actor noticed his brother's presence, he spoke to him.
"Hey mate, Sam's here. Wanna talk to him? What's up? Does y/n's alright? And the twins?"
"Too much question. Give me Sam first!"
But the result was exactly the same. Sam asked the same questions as Tom and Harry winced as he tried to answer consensually.
"Hello to you too, brother. The twins are fine. I swear to God Sam, they look like a mini version of us. Two sons by the way ... y/n is fine, she's in the recovery room, I'm going see her right after that. I wanted to talk to mom and Tom first. "
"Glad to know I'm the last to know." Sam informed sarcastically.
"Hey, I was going to call you but I had to, you know ... go meet my sons. Father's job, it seems."
Sam chuckled behind his phone screen as Harry smirked in a mischievous and petty manner. He ended the call with his twin and turned to his mother and Tom. Nikki made her understand that she had heard, she seemed relieved that you were okay.
"Hey, before I go see y/n ... you want to see your grandsons ... and you, your nephew and godson, asshole."
"Harry, language" said Nikki.
"Of course I want to see my godson, stupid"
"Tom!"
The two brothers smile at each other. Just because one became a father and the other was a movie star, didn't mean they were going to change their ways. It was also their way, both of them, to decompress events. Nikki sighed in annoyance but kept quiet, too happy to meet, even only through a window, her first grandchildren. After a brief walk in front of the nursery, Harry announced that he was going to find you, leaving his family to admire your twins. They seemed so impatient to meet them in person but knew they were going to have to wait while you woke up.
☙♥❧
Harry entered the recovery room and walked over to your bed. You seemed to have already woken up from your artificial sleep. He grabbed your hand to give you the support you needed. A feeling of emptiness was felt in you, your gaze landed on your stomach, flatter than you had seen in recent months. Your eyes widened in panic but the reassuring pressure of Harry's hand drew your attention to him.
"They are fine, my love. They are fine. They are in an incubator in the nursery."
You burst into tears. The emotions being so strong.
"I'm so sorry Harry. I'm sorry ..."
“Hey… hey… you don't have to. You're okay… the twins are okay. And I still love you, I love you more than ever."
"Have you seen them?"
"Yes ... ugly like their father" he joked
You chuckled with a few more tears in your voice. You knew he didn't mean it, but humor was Harry's best way to decompress, and it worked on you too.
"My family is here. You scared the hell out of them. I think Sam was about to order a flight to kick your ass."
You chuckled again. It was so impressive to see the love that reigned in this family. You could never have asked for a better way to build your own family. Harry leaned over to kiss you.
"I love you, y/n. You are my world. you three are my world now"
"I love you more, Harry."
You stayed a few more days before you could get out of the hospital. You had decided to introduce the twins after their own discharge from the hospital. That's why, after almost a month of going back and forth to the nursery, you could finally bring your twins home. So you organized a little visit to Harry's parents.
☙♥❧
The sun was shining on London and you squeezed the doorknob of one of the maxi-cozy, Harry carrying your second son as you opened the door to the Holland family home. You were amazed at the ease with which Harry assumed his role as father. He was doing so well that you fell in love with him again.
"Is there anyone here?" He asked
"We're all in the garden, buddy!" Tom said
"You are obviously in the kitchen, dummy"
"For god's sake, Harry. Come into this fucking garden and let us see the twins!"
You let out a frank laugh as you mentally noted that you were going to have to have a conversation with Harry and his brothers about the vocabulary they were using.
You are therefore entering the garden. You noticed right away that Sam had come all the way from Scotland. Harry must have organized this with him too. You smiled, Nikki rushed over to help you with the change bags and you thanked him.
"So where is my godson?" Tom asked in the same way he did at the FFH premiere when he was looking for Jake Gyllenhal.
"Where's mine?" Sam asked too.
You approached Sam, putting the maxycosy on the table to unbuckle the seat belt and take your son in your arms. Harry was doing the same with your second baby.
"I'm happy to introduce you y/s/n"
"And there's y/s/n(2)." Harry added, so proud.
Everyone raved about the twins as you wipe away a tear, happy and proud. You were so moved by the love that reigned. Harry came to kiss you on the forehead, you closed your eyes, appeased by his gesture. The world could only turn better in his company.
"It's family portrait time!" Nikki said, her camera in her hands. "Tom, please get closer to your brother. Sam, stand next to y / n"
You all followed Nikki's instructions, who couldn't be more than happy to capture this important moment, bringing her work and family life together. You all smiled as you and Harry were in the center of the photo, carrying your twins in your arms. And at that moment, you were sure that your life could not be more beautiful than at this moment.
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k3rm1e · 3 years
Note
Hello, could I request a reader that used he/they pronouns and has a deep Voice but they have a very feminine body. They don't have dysphoria though, Can you do a reaction to that anyone from the dream smp. Thank you hopefully this isn't that confusing.
gender
Hello, could I request a reader that used he/they pronouns and has a deep Voice but they have a very feminine body. They don't have dysphoria though, Can you do a reaction to that anyone from the dream smp. Thank you hopefully this isn't that confusing.
hi! by this i’m pretty sure you mean a trans ftm reader who just doesn’t experience gender dysphoria. i’m pretty sure this is what you meant so if this wasn’t accurate please just send me another ask! i hope you enjoy this <3
also i had no clue for the title thing oabibefhbkf just ‘gender’
he/they pronouns used this also mentions body type, so if that’s something you wanna avoid here’s a little note :)
cw: cursing 
gender:
  being a faceless streamer came with challenges. fans asking what you looked like, accusing you of being a creep because you won’t show your face. but there were the perks. no one judged you for your looks, you wouldn't get recognized, hell, if you wanted to just leave the face of the internet, no one could find you. but, then there also came the time when your friends wanted to see you.
  “hi chat! so today we’re just gonna be running around the smp, uh, no ones doing lore right now right? i did not check and i don’t wanna mess with anyone’s stream, heh.” seeing much of the chat saying ‘no’ or ‘you’re fine’ you continued on.
  “no lore? no lore. pog. we won’t have to try and avoid anything.” you were just running around, talking with chat. eret had joined and you asked if she wanted to join vc.
  “hello ert, what’s up?” you addressed him as ‘ert’ instead of his name, finding it amusing. “i am live right now,  just so you know.”.
  “hi! hi chat, how are you all? and i’m just doing nothing right now, i was gonna see if there’s any materials i could gather for the museum.” you ran over to their chords, crouching in front of him.
  for the rest of the stream you mainly screwed around, having talks with chat. that was how it was for a while until near the end of stream when you were mainly just chatting with music, a dono was read out by tts saying, “deep voice bois. streamer when shall the face reveal be. let us (respectfully, ofc) swoon.”.
  “uh, uh, i dunno, dono. i mean, its never been something i’ve put a lot of thought into. like, even though people have asked its just not really something i’ve ever wanted to do, y’know?” trying to explain yourself like this, it always was slightly panicky, but you just shoved it down.
  “chat, he’s not even lying though. all my months on this server, i still have no clue what he looks like!” you could tell eret was trying to relieve some pressure from you, god bless her soul. you owed her.
  “yeah, i just haven’t ever wanted to. like, i think only like, maybe like bad and them have seen me, like years ago when i first met people on munchymc.” continuing on with questions, you ended the stream within the next 30 or so minutes.
  when you had finally shut everything down with a sigh, you spoke. “thank you eret. i owe you.” you leaned back in the chair, staring at the ceiling.
  “yeah, yeah, next time i get asked any uncomfortable question you can be a knight in shining armor. but, on that note, i have been meaning to ask you about that though, why haven’t you done any sort of face reveal?” you knew he meant no harm at all, even so you were dying inside.
  “uh, i just haven’t ever wanted to. i mean, if you want to, just to know what i look like, we can, its fine. i don’t mind.” you were scratching the back of your neck, already regretting your life choices.
  “yeah, i would. um, we could just do like a discord call later, tomorrow? when its not like four in the morning?” his voice held humor in it, you knew he was trying to relieve the tension.
  “yeah, yeah, of course. let’s. tomorrow.” you said you’re goodbyes and ran to bed, knowing tomorrow would be stressful.
  you woke up early to an alarm, making sure you were physically and emotionally prepared for this. taking shower, you did your hair and makeup. even with though your voice was super deep, you still had feminine features. it was never a bother, so why get rid of them? plus, it saved you a shit ton of money. top surgery was expensive, bottom surgery even more. hormone therapy was easier, but still cost money, but it was just inconvenient for the position you were in now.
  trans discourse was a small thing, but seemed so big when you looked at the people who created it. if you did show yourself, would you still be accepted even if you didn’t feel dysphoria? even through all your nerves, you kept through it. eret would accept you; they were quite literally one of your best friends. it would be fine. fine.
  sitting at your pc, you answered the call the moment it started ringing. you stared at his face in the camera and watched his face twist in confusion. “somehow i think i expected you to look different. a bit more murdery, i suppose.”
  you tried to smile, or laugh, but couldn’t bring yourself to. god, how you hated human emotions. they were all so complex and unreasonable, making people feel like they would vomit even though nothing had physically ailed them. emotions made no sense, whatsoever.
  “yeah, um, yeah, no this, this is what i look like. um, i just never really- never really felt any sort of, like gender dysphoria, i guess? like, i uh, i cut my hair and kept it like that , but in terms of like, body-wise just- no.” you wished your mouth would stop moving, but you just kept bartering about. “yeah, and i know there’s the whole discourse stuff about whether trans people need gender dysphoria, and i don’t know how you think, but i know who i am. and whatever you think will not change that, at all. i just hope you can, y’know, accept that.” you had finally shut up and were winded. good. at least you sounded somewhat confident. 
  “oh, god no, dude, you are whatever you identify as. in no way should you need to feel gender dysphoria to be trans, that’s bullshit. you’re still you, and if you identify as a boy, you’re a guy. its as simple as that.” eret was smiling nicely at you through the camera.
  you wanted to cry. all that, all that worrying, about nobody accepting you, about them hating you, had all been for nothing. “seriously, you don’t know just how much that means. i- thank you, man. thank you.” you better not cry.
  “its literally just human decency man, don’t thank me. you are so valid, don’t worry about it.”.
i hope this was what you wanted! for anyone reading this, just no you are all so valid. you don’t need gender dysphoria to be trans, you just are. i hope you guys all have a lovely day! <33
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letteredlettered · 3 years
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Hello! This is a broad question so it's fine you don't feel like answering. Do you ever get tired of fandom and its culture? I feel like sometimes there's nothing but discourse and arguments and just... it can be quite draining. Just wondered I'd ask you since you've been in a number of fandoms for a long time! I'm sure you've seen it all. Thank you for your time!!!
I think the last time I got tired of fandom was over 12 years ago. At that time, two things were true: 1) I was having some personal problems that meant I didn’t have a job, didn’t feel good about it, and didn’t have a lot of friends that could talk about things I wanted to talk about. 2) Fandom felt a lot more centered; it was easy to build communities and become a part of them. As a result, at that time, fandom was my main support network. Therefore, when certain aspects of fandom became unpleasant, I felt I had very few places to turn to. I eventually got a job, a lot more stable relationships, and several types of community. Fandom also dispersed onto many platforms, making it very hard to rely on fandom for social interaction. I still do get annoyed by some things in fandom, but when that happens, it’s very easy to dip into another corner of fandom that isn’t toxic or to walk away completely.
I will say that having participated in fandom for a long time has also given me a different perspective. Conversations about social justice--racism, misogyny, homophobia, ableism--as well as conversations about porn--what gets written, with which characters, what age and sex those characters are, how they’re treated, how this porn is posted and consumed--are conversations that have cycled through fandom since long before I was in it. I’ve learned a lot from these conversations, but after participating in them for years and listening to them for even longer, there’s not much more I can learn from random people on the internet. The same is true for issues with less of a social justice vibe--feedback culture, ship wars, fest etiquette, anonymous behavior, etc--I’ve seen it all before, and while I think these can be worthwhile conversations, I no longer feel a strong urge to participate all the time. Generally I feel like arguing on the internet has a smaller value for someone like me than listening, having compassion, modifying my behavior when necessary, and doing what I can irl and with my friends.
I have more to say about fandom cliques.
The other aspect of fandom that can grow wearisome, besides the cyclical debates, is the cliquish nature of fandom communities, and the way typical group behavior is exacerbated by the very fact of being online. Who is popular, who they like, what they say, who likes whom, who did what to whom, how everyone reacted to it--all of this can feel super important online in a way it doesn’t to me irl. I’d like to pretend I’m very classy and stay above all this, but that would be a lie. I have often wanted, in my fandom life, to be someone who has hordes of fandom friends, who leaves comments on everything they read, someone who recs with abandon, someone who runs fests, someone who replies to everyone and makes new people feel welcome and develops starter kits and makes memes everyone loves and invents all the fanon everyone uses etc etc.
Alas, my own social reticence prevents me from being that fan. I have tremendous problems with routine or anything that needs to be done regularly. This includes but is not limited to communicating with friends or people that interest me or people whose work I like. Basically, all the people who love me are people who are willing to keep reaching out to me even when I don’t always respond. I try to warn people about this and communicate clearly that it’s something I really struggle with, but it is not conducive to making friends.
Additionally, I have found that I struggle to feel a part of communities--partly because maintaining your status in a community means regularly being a part of it, but partly I have trouble identifying with most people. Fannish people share more of my interests than most people in the world, but even among fans, I often feel left out and excluded, an extra thumb on a hand that does beautiful things without me. These social difficulties isolate me, but they do have the benefit of insulating me. The one time I was almost in the middle of a fight about who wanted to be my fandom friend, I had the fortune to be so far out of the loop that I didn’t really know what the fuck was going on.
Anyways, the result of my personality is such that I mostly tend to look at fandom on the outside. I get pretty sad about this from time to time, but the times I have gotten deep into fandom have not gone particularly well for me. Either I’ve felt that feeling of exclusion I’ve mentioned before, or I noticed that others were being excluded--ie, I was for some reason included in The Popular Clique. This makes me intensely uncomfortable, and I’ve extricated myself in situations where I’ve felt that way. Unfortunately, fandom spaces that allow for cliques are also the places where you really get to know people and build community. As such, I really don’t make fandom friends easily. The few I do have are pretty much lifelong friends that I share a lot with besides fandom. My best friend is from fandom. My girlfriend is from fandom. Most of the friends I go to when I need to talk irl are from fandom. My original novel-writing partner is from fandom. These are the people I tend to talk to when I need to talk about fandom, though it can feel very lonely when I have a new fandom and no friends fall into it with me.
This is a long answer to say--fandom is exhausting if you’re really participating to the hilt, but given that I really mostly just write fics and answer asks, most of the time it’s chill. When I get deep into something I might join a discord or do a twitter, but I burn out of that pretty fast--though I sometimes do make friends that I keep forever after.
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celpheres · 2 years
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Yes gay erasure is real, yes is fucking annoying and yes fuck every single franchise that lured us in and took away our representation at the last minute (Disney I'm looking at you) but i felt that good omens wasn't erasure or queerbating and this is not me picking a fight with you im interested in what you think, but Aziraphale and Crowley are not human, they are two supernatural entities, they do not work as we do, they dont think like we do, is it really that impossible that they love differently? Things like gender, sexuality, relationships and romantic attraction are human concepts, they are not humans (sure they pass as men because they have to blend in with humanity it's not like that can say they are angel or demon and if being a woman is challenging now i can't even imagine how it was back then ) , their relationship cannot be held with the same standard as ours, i mean sure it's fun and everything to fantasize in fanfiction but at the end of the day we don't even know If angels or demons do relationships you know? Maybe for them is a thing only for humans as for us mating dances are just for animals. But that leads me to my other point, they love each other, both Michael Sheen and Neil Gaiman have said that yes , they do love each other, good omens is a love story. Love comes in many ways and it's manifested in many more, it's kinda offensive to see that people need to touch or to be intimate or do romantic gestures for their love to be validated no one can invalidate your love because it doesn't matches their, people would always tell me that i didn't love my partners because of the lack of physical affection and romantic gestures and it always made me feel so frustrated and insulted because I did love them, i loved them so much but i had no way to " prove it" in front of them. I'm an aromantic bisexual, erasure is something I'm very familiar with. On one side all the bi erasure, people saying that you are just confused, that you are "on your way to being fully gay" or whatever that means or saying that you are just joining the trend and in a few years you will grow out of it, people saying that you are just an straight that wants "attention " it's insulting, it's condescending and i hate it. And i also hate when in media they do all their stupid show just so at the end they can say nah you thought lmao they are just friends fuck that but at the same time I'm aromantic, i love differently. I don't experience romantic attraction, yet i still love people, i love them so much and that's why it makes me so angry when people refuse to acknowledge a relationship or the love of two people just because it doesn't matches their alloromantic concept of love and it makes me sick. And no, the "right person" won't change my ability to feel romantic attraction, they will accept just the way I am. These two parts of me are often kinda conflicted when consuming media because on one side fuck you and your erasure if they were different sex they would have definitely kissed there and on the other side fuck you and your erasure that don't need to do anything to " prove" their love. To me both arguments can contradict each other and coexist at the same time i mean they are both problems that affect real people saying is more valid than the other it's kinda stupid, it's not a competition after all .
(I have no nerves for a discourse, so if anyone wants to add something, do it only if you have to.)
About the “they’re not humans” part: The entire point of the story is that they turn more and more human over time. They get used to human traditions and human understandings of things and associate themselves with it more and more. So this is not really a reason to me.
It is true what you say about love. Romantic love is not the only love wich exists, I love many people without loving them romantically. And it’s just as true what you say about asexual relationships.
And you know, it works the other way around too. Kissing / physical affection can exist without romantic relationships, why does nobody talk about that? They don’t need to be in love to hug or kiss.
The problem is not the headcanons regarding them being aro/ace.
But many (not all) people act like their relationship needs to be aro/ace to be special. They have to be a nonbinary couple to be special. Because allo gay couples aren’t special and are boring. A kiss would’ve been cringe. More touching would’ve been boring. Because it would be “NoT sPeCiAl” if they kissed or touched.
This is homophobic, and completely tunnel-sighted. Every relationship is special, every relationship is unique. No matter how much physical affection you share or don’t share.
They are an earthly angel and demon, come on. It is a special relationship in any way.
Also, why is the fandom assuming that Mr. Shadwell and Madame Tracy are in a romantic relationship? Have they ever mentioned being in love? Or what about the Them? They clearly love each other in a non-romantic way. Why would it be aro/ace erasure to show a gay couple of an angel and demon in addition? Isn’t the entire point that it shouldn’t be allowed that they’re showing affection to each other?
My point is, not all of the people who headcanon them as aro/ace are being problematic. But acting like homosexuality doesn’t exist and is something boring and not as special as an ace or nonbinary couple is not okay. They’re all special. They should all have representation. But not trough a couple wich already implements two males (as mentioned countless times in the script), who don’t come too close to each other because of a safety measure.
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thyandrawrites · 3 years
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Putting a positive spin on that other anon's ask: Do you have a favourite dynamic in BnHA? Which parts of the fandom/community do you enjoy hanging out in? Any favourite head cannons or theories (or whatever "take" was supposed to mean idk)
Hi, anon!
I love a lot of dynamics in bnha but I think my faves are definitely the League bc found family is the best flavor ever. Other dynamics I really enjoy are Dabi and Shouto's (lack of) siblings bond, Dabi & Natsuo bc it makes me cry, the bakusquad bc it's premium shitpost content, and Todoroki and Bakugou's "friendship" (that's more siblings-like than anything, lmao). Oh and this is entirely fanon but I guess I also really enjoy exploring the dynamic Hawks could've had with the League bc it makes for great character study imho
As for my favourite portion of the fandom, I'd say the villain stans are my people but I'm actually just a lov stan. All the other villains of the series don't have any appeal to me.
The only real place that has felt and continues to feel like a community to me is a dbhwks server I'm in, chicken tenders and bacon bits. I wanted to tag the blog in case someone wanted to join but tumblr is being stinky and not letting me do it. But anyways. I made a lot of friends thanks to that discord server and so far it has been the only stress free, discourse free and genuinely encouraging place for me as a content creator seeking a safe space for sharing and finding new content or just have a random chitchat. There have been times when tumblr gave me loads of stress, but ctabb let me just exist without having to worry about that. While here you share a thought and 5 different people feel entitled to write an essay about why they disagree and your point is wrong, I found that on discord people have an easier time remembering that there's an actual human being behind the computer screen. Maybe it's just that discord is inherently moderated while tumblr is more like a fish market. Idk. I'm just lucky I had the balls to join ctabb 2 years ago despite my social anxiety. A decision I don't regret
As for favourite headcanons or theories... Gosh, okay, you know when people ask you what's your favourite book/movie/song and you're put on the spot and either can't think of anything or you have too many to list? That's me rn. Lol. This blog is literally filled with theories and meta but I can't think of one rn.
I guess my biggest leap of faith rn is that Endvr is being set up to fail again and won't just get handed redemption without working for it (since, as I understand from the sparse spoilers I see sometimes on my dash, he's still entirely missing the point that he needs to tone down the hero and work on being a better father). Idk if you could consider it a theory. Ideally, it should be a given bc the current plotline is a repeat of pro hero arc (so it should end the same way), but I guess we'll see
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thoughts on this spn prequel business?
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An eye roll seems poignant enough to sum up the spn prequel and the drama that came along with it.
For starters, after the show ended, regardless of how lackluster it felt to me, I can honestly say I did not desire more. Really, since season 12, the show was...how to say...not great. I mean, I still enjoyed watching it but it wasn't exactly my most favorite thing to do. There were episodes I liked but I can't say that the seasons as a whole are anything I would want to watch again. Seasons 12-15 were passable on their best days and just lukewarm on their worst.
So the announcement of this prequel business was like "whatever" to me. It doesn't sound in the least bit interesting. And I've got nothing against John or Mary. I like both characters -- and no one get on me about how they're abusive in their own way and that I shouldn't even deign to like them, if you're going to come at me with that nonsense, you best be ready for me to put your faves under The Abuse Microscope. I didn't say I had to like them as people, just that I like their characters (but I also don't necessarily hate them as people either). But with all that said, I can say without a doubt that I have never been interested in the events leading into their marriage or how their marriage progressed. We already more or less got that story throughout 15 seasons of SPN, I don't need to see it be re-done and possibly retconned in a prequel series that I really don't think is going to be very well thought out.
As for the drama, I don't really pay attention too much to any of that. But what I have seen come across my dash, mainly how Jared responded to it, I find a lot of that to be more than likely the Gatekeeping Gossip Mongerers of SPN Fandom. I don't put too much stock in any of what they say. Nor do I feel like it really matters all that much.
The show ended, it was great for some, bad for some, lukewarm for some (i.e. me), now I just wish we could move on. I don't really care to see more content from SPN. It's done, it'll always be apart of my heart, but now I'm ready to just live in the world of fanworks now, i.e. the fan art, fan fictions, head canons. People have been so consumed with firing out these conspiracy theories, trying to prove where the finale went wrong, who's responsibility it is, who's to blamethe finale was bad vs the finale was good, blah, blah, blah. So much discourse on these inane topics that don't really matter. Regardless of how you feel about the finale, where it went wrong, yadda yadda yadda, it's still a thing that exists, you being mad about it or tryin to defend it ultimately doesn't change anything. Lets move on and just revel in the more interesting positive fandom content creations, not all this negative gatekeeping bullshit. We're a fandom, with the story ended we can now go crazy with all the things we as individuals wanted the story to be regardless if we got it or not "in canon". We can make the story of the The Winchesters or TFW whatever we want now. Why are we having such a needlepoint focus on these dumb arguments that lead nowhere? I for one join fandoms because I want to have fun not to theorize on network conspiracies or attack actors. I want to have a good time with art revolving around this thing I love and I wish a lot of the rest of the fandom felt that way too but alas, humans love drama so we just sink in these black holes of negativity to garner whatever drama we can find.
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tokugou · 3 years
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Hi. First: I love your GIFs! They're pleasing to see on my dash (and sometimes gives me niggling ideas for creating GIFs of my own but almost never do it cuz procrastination and my creativity sucks haha 😅)! Please keep creating! <3
Second, genuine question (and out of curiosity): Why do you self reblog your posts often? People can see your posts on their dash, and even on the search thingy. The search thingy doesn't let people see your self-reblogs (just the original post). Even though I've kinda been on and off of Tumblr for years, I don't really get how it works, so I'm a bit confused as to why you and other bloggers self-reblog your/their own posts?
You don't have to answer if you don't want to, though! I'm just genuinely confused and I don't know who/where else to ask/search 😅. Thanks in advance! Have a nice day! <3
I honestly don't know what I did to get dragged into this discourse
Thank you for polite question, I honestly don't know if I can help you a lot and if my answer will explain it as you expect. I also was on and off tumblr for a long time and often, but I can answer it based on my own experience on this becasue it was confusing to me too when I first met with self reblogging.
Long reply under read more so to not trash other people' dash
first of all self promotion isn't a bad thing and i'm staring to think some of people here see it as a crime
compared to old one nowday t/mblr is a mess, lot of people left this site and most of them were content creators (either artists or gifmakers) and back then it seemd more welcoming to editors? People would rb your stuff no matter your popularity becasue hey it is content from my fav series i wanna see more i wanna keep it on my blog and show it to others so there was no need for people to self reblog becasue it circulated around a lot on its own.
new people who join this app are raised on i/stagram t/itter and/or f/book where LIKES means everything, you show your support by liking posts THIS NOT APPLY TO TUMBLR AND NEVER DID [you can check this amazing post about rebloging]. As nice as it is to get likes on your post becasue it is like a pat on a head - it is only a pat, doesn't mean anything on a long run. Reblog = spreading. If people don't spread it we stay unnoticed and we tend to self reblog more.
another thing that changed is: people no longer scroll from top to the last post they saw before going to sleep, cos why would they? You wake up in the morning open app while eating breakfast or drinking coffee and you sroll past ten or twenty post or an equivalent of hour or two of your absence - you dont go deeper cos it would be a waste of time - again, I say USUALLY, some ppl still do this and it is ok either way - which leads us to main point of self/reblog:
DIFFERENCE in TIME ZONE not all of our followers live in the same time-zone, when I post something in my free time it doesn't mean others have it too, most of them are probably sleeping or in working place at that hour. We self reblog so people who were absent (and we think might be interested in - becasue why not? they follow us for a reason right?) can see it when they get back on here. By reblogging ourself multiple times, that puts the post back on the follower’s dash and hopefully gives them a chance to see it.
most of people follow ton of blogs (one of my friend I met here told me they follow over 1k blogs) imagine even half of these blogs posting regulary, a few things per hour, the dash is messy and crowded OUR EDITS TEND TO GET LOST IN IT. Most of people follow a lot of blogs and might miss our posts becaue their dashes are WAY more active than these who follow five or ten blogs.
t/mblr fandoms aren't welcoming to new creators in my experience, to get notes you need to be popular/have lot of followers but you can't have lot of them if your posts aren't spread/seen and so on and so on it go in circle (a lot of ppl also only reblog popular posts and avoid these with litte of notes - don't know why it is like this, maybe they think these posts are suspicious?) so with self reblog we also give some of these fake notes to make a post more appealing, i guess? this one is just speculation.
the search function you mentioned is very rarely used tbh people don't go to search for things daily, they usually only do this when they join new series/ship/etc to check if there is something. People usually stick to what they see on their dashes. AND most importantly this option doesn't work as it should. It is some type of algoritm that promote post that are alive/active - even if your post is relativy new it might not show in search becasue it died quickly (as if it wasn't interacted with for some time). With search option it is 50/50 your thing either show there or not. ALSO REMEMBER search option is a terrible promoted thingy that doesn't show you everything so you better stick to /tagged/ thing you can enter manually while on dash if you are using web t/mblr.
people no longer go straight to specific blogs to check if they missed something, they might do it for their besties (as they call it) but other than that DASH is all people see and focus on, so the more often content creators self/reblog the higher chance followrs will see it.
we are not paid for what we do and it come to everything: edits, gifs, arts, writing, video and META POST we are not paid for it and no matter how many people say notes are just numbers these numbers are our motivational payment, the less you get the less you create because you just don't feel the point of sharing your creations if it is not received well or at all.
when I started posting I used to post new content daily even twice a day, nowdays seeing most of my edits not being well recieved in fandom I lost motivation to the point I was thinking of quiting because it didn’t give me joy anymore and I'm still considering it.
I personally never felt bothered seeing self rebbloged post, I follow a bunch of content creators, some of them sr twice a day some each hour, some more or less often. It often helped me to see something I would missed becasue I wasn't here and personally it often give me joy to see the post I remember seeing that had 2 notes when I rb it and now it is 500 or more.
to anyone who read it and still think self reblog is a bother: do not tell people to stop self reblogging. If you genuinely have a problem with self reblogging, just unfollow or block the person who does it and don’t make a fuss over it!
I hope I managed to answer you at least partly? I probably lost the point somewhere between first sentence and second but... well
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herefortommo · 3 years
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Hi Emma! I hope youre well 🥰 I'm kind of tired of the discourse recently so... Kind of looking for happy memories? What's your favorite Louis moment from 2020/2021? And the album release and livestream don't count, just because they're huge moments and might overshadow really cool stuff. Obviously you don't need to answer 😅
Hi, Bells! You are on a correct address then, because I did not even know there was some kind of discourse going on. Anyway, I made this longer than I should have, so I will put it under the cut :)
I know you said they do not count, but let me share beautiful moments related to these two as well! On the night of the album release, I stayed up (of course) and chatted to Stef. I was kinda nervous, but also so happy to know what is coming, you know the feeling. The last text I send before the album came out, and I went to listen to the whole thing was something along the lines ‘I’ll go listen now, so give me some time to get back to you after I do’, which was followed by a series of keysmashes only seconds later and ended with me praising Defenceless, because I just couldn’t hold myself.
I have WAY too many linked to the livestream, so I will only choose the best ones. The link was cheaper than a normal ticket would be, but still I had no money, or more like -1 money at the time, so I wouldn’t be able to afford it. But then when I told my siblings about it, they both pitched in and together we bought the ticket and were so happy about it.
The next day (I think? Or the day after?) came another e-mail that you can take a part in the show if you shoot a short video of yourself singing a part of KMM. Dear God. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I am very insecure, so taking a part and SINGING was not an option. My siblings though... you should have seen. They dressed up. All red pants, striped t-shirts (my brother went as far as digging up his old suspenders he last wore during primary school), styled hair and make up. My brother spend HOURS rehearsing the few lines over and over to ‘sound perfect for louis’. Long story short: Up to this day I’m not sure if they sent their video or not (but I’ve watched the livestream so many times I think I have seen them but cannot tell for sure and don’t wanna press, because they are a bit embarrassed about it now).
The day of the livestream was nothing spectacular itself, and we were all nervous about what is coming. I felt like a big hacker, because I shared my notebook screen to our big tv in the living room, joined it with an external bluetooth speaker and all that. We made snacks and cocktails (juice with ice cubes, peppermint and lemon balm leaves) and my sister printed out the whole setlist to remember what is coming next. We blasted it out so loud, screamed the lyrics, jumped around and laughed (and cried, although my brother won’t admit it) a whole lot. Our parents never care about our interests, but my dad walked past the living room and stopped to listen for a while and asked who it is (he still remembers Louis’ name when we mention him sometimes). By the way, we didn’t get to eat any of the snacks, because there was just no time for that. After it was over, we stayed up for hours, lounging around with dried tears on our cheeks and we commented on tiny details we enjoyed the most and what songs were out fave... I remember there was some horror on tv after I stopped screen sharing and we dislike those, but yet we didn’t wanna go to sleep and nobody wanted to search for a good movie after that masterpiece.
The next day, we woke up a bit later... and we re-watched the livestream again and ate the snacks from the day before afoinefoa (Fun fact, my brother workouts regularly these days and he always, ALWAYS replays the livestream during his session - Too Young is his fave by the way.) And of course, we have watched it again and again many times.
This has already gotten so long so I’ll just list other things that make my heart swell: when Louis made us go out and search for the snippets like Pokémons, when he made us watch the seven-or-so hours long stream of the artist making his mural (that remains so iconic by the way), the interviews? (I have no idea when any of them happened, because time is not real anymore, so my faves are: him breaking down his tattoos, him recreating the cat on Corden and him going undercover with the blue background that perfectly matched his eyes and made me swoon), the two shows we got (I watched them both through shitty streams that always broke after a minute and I was so so happy), the album signings (the Louis with kids content we got???, lesbian rights?!, the guy who showed him harry’s anchor and Louis automatically went to the rope, how he genuinely enjoyed talking to every single fan and was so animate), the merch (the merch guy conspiracy? I never laughed so hard, when he added bucket hats in about 48 hours after the fans asked for it?, when he added socks when he wanted them?, how he liked the tweet about Clifford modelling his merch, the lyrics drops?! - if he ever does Defenceless, I’m ready to go into a debt), the polaroids and cassettes (this is such a small thing, but they are very soft and cute?), when he left Syco and announced it like a king (Oshi messaged me first and we freaked out so hard together, we were almost crying), when he told everyone to share the pics and vids, because that happens during concerts as well (and mentioned having a burner account which... side eye emoji, Louis if you see this, I am free on Thursday bestie, let’s have a social distanced chat) or even small things like when we got the picture with his dentist (and the recommendation he left on their website as well... the dentist is really cute okay?) or when he went out with Clifford and wore the leash around his neck and half of us lost it over him having braids, because we are dumbies, but like, in a good way. And last one: every single time he interacts with Louies on twitter and says something iconic like, you legends, boom, the best fans in the word, you smashed it, or cheers love (which is a phrase my brother started using every evening instead of a good night, so I wanna smack him).
Sorry, this has gotten so so long and sorry you are not feeling that well. I am sending you the biggest hug, Louis hug if you will, the one where he holds your head with one hand, rubs your back with the other and rocks you gently side to side (and also maybe murmurs something into your ear, because he cannot help but be a darling). Hope this makes you smile a bit! Love you 💜
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